News News
& Unhappiness By Jasmine Uduma News Editor
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Photo by Flickr.com user:gimmeocean
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n the most basic sense, a relationship is defined by our interaction with others. But in this day and age, that “interaction” doesn’t even need a body present or the sound of a voice, has the quality of the relationship diminished? Despite the pleasure-seeking, YOLO atmosphere we generally operate in, surveys are finding that Americans are more unhappy with their personal lives. The internet has made it so much easier to virtually “stay in touch.” But has this signicicant change, along with several others in our dating culture, been good or bad? For starters, does anyone know what a date is anymore? For that matter, what exactly is dating? At what point does the “hooking up” become a bonafide relationship? If these questions triggered a momentary panic attack similar to ones experienced before a pop quiz, don’t worry; they’re rhetorical. But they are important ideas to consider. Shani Silver, a social media and blog manager in Philadelphia, argues that “the word ‘date’ should almost be stricken from the dictionary.” In an interview with New York Times’ writer Alex Williams, Silver continued, saying that the “dating culture has evolved to a cycle of text messages, each one requiring the code-breaking skills of a cold war spy to interpret.” We often joke about the friend who went on a date in Lower/McElroy, but apparently that’s pretty good compared to most young 20-somethings. In the scary, post-graduate/drunkendorm-room-party world, the pickings are even slimmer than a Victoria Secret model. “It’s one step below a date, and one step above a high-five,” Silver described dating as a young adult. Has the hookup culture completely incinerated our hopes for the Disney magic in our relationships? Do the typical rules of engagement for courtship need to be re-taught or have we hot-blooded mawww.bcgavel.com
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Though we have always been exposed to it, there was a time when sex in relationships was never discussed at all. Every movie, dating site, girls and guys magazine addresses the sexual health of relationships today. But who pioneered this trend for sexual openness and discussion? That’s where Helen Gurley Brown came in. Back in the 1800s, aspiring couples were chaperoned conducted under the approval of a parent. It was in the 20th century that more books and plays addressed couples and relationships as something away from parents’ control. By the 1950s, young American culture practiced the “going steady” phenomenon so that a man could first prove his ability to satisfy his partner’s romantic needs. In 1962, newly married Helen Gurley Brown wrote the fictional book Sex and the Single Girl, a story about a single girl (surprise) leading a new kind of life. The book was inflammatory, telling women in novel fashion that they didn’t need a man to be happy, but should enjoy sex with whomever they chose without guilt. The sisterhood of unattached girls everywhere found their hero. Since then Cosmo has not only become the numberone-selling monthly magazine out there, but a catalytic agent for social change, encouraging women everywhere to go after what they want.
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News
Online Dating Statistics in U.S. Total number of single
54
people in the U.S. million Total number of people in the U.S. who have tried
40
mals evolved so much that courtship is as obsolete as our gallbladders? Smart phone apps, Facebook, Twitter and other social media addictions have arguably left our generation completely bamboozled about how to vet, select and keep a boyfriend or girlfriend. Many old and rigidly boring adults, having been so long removed from the dating scene, blame this phenomenon on the freedom of our youth. Relationships have been polluted, they say, by our “spontaneous, commitment-free (and often, alcoholfueled) romantic flings.” Donna Freitas, professor of religion and gender studies at Boston University and Hofstra and author of The End of Sex: How Hookup Culture is Leaving a Generation Unhappy, Sexually Unfulfilled, and Confused About Intimacy, notes that many college students have never been on a “traditional” date. We lack the basic understanding for developing relationships outside of the
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hookup culture she argues. Let us unwrap this idea of traditional relationships and courting. In order to land a date outside of a hookup mentality, experts say that many young adults lack the necessary courage, strategic planning and ability to handle potential rejection. ‘Asynchronous communication,’ apparently absolves us of the much needed charm to ‘get the girl/land the guy’ at the end of the romantic comedy that is our life. However valid this point may be, the technological advances of society were arguably made to make this process easier. We don’t need to meet up in person to learn about a potential suitor’s background, education, political beliefs, music tastes and so on. That’s what Facebook is for. And if you take the movie The Social Network at its word, that’s exactly what it was designed for. There is no way to tell if these changes in dating are healthy or not, but there should be the understanding that things change. So if your best friend becomes manic about the over-the-
online dating million There are nearly as many EHarmony members are there are people in Austrailia Annual revenue from the online dating industry
1.049 billion
Average length of courtship for marriages that
42
met offline months Average length of courtship for marriage that met
18.5
online: months Percent of current committed relationships that began online
20%
phone breakup she’s going through with her “boyfriend” in Nebraska who she’s met only three times, rather than judge, comfort her with a hug and a pint of White Mountain Cookie Monster Ice Cream. That relationship was as real as the calories she’s going to ingest. February2013
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February is Dating Violence Awareness Month. What many people don’t know is that 47 percent of 13-18 year olds who have been in relationships have reported being victimized by controlling behaviors from a boyfriend or girlfriend. College students face unique obstacles in dating relationships especially when seeking help because living on campus can make students feel trapped. College students might be more fearful of reporting because they don’t want to get in trouble for any substance use or because avoiding someone can be more difficult when a victim lives in the same residence hall as their abuser. 9