The Georgia Straight - John Fluevog - Dec 12, 2019

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FREE | DECEMBER 12 – 19 / 2019

Volume 53 | Number 2708

AFFORDABLE RENTALS Researcher proposes solution

BAH HUMBUG! Scrooge’s final bow

CANNABIS NAMES Why they really matter

John Fluevog A Vancouver design legend pays tribute to unique souls with an inspirational book

WINE ADVICE

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KEITHMAS

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2 THE GEORGIA STR AIGHT DECEMBER 12 – 19 / 2019

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DECEMBER 12 – 19 / 2019 THE GEORGIA STR AIGHT 3

CONTENTS

December 12-19 / 2019

13 COVER

Vancouver legend John Fluevog looks back on his extraordinary life in his new book, 50 Years of Unique Soles for Unique Souls. By Mike Usinger

5

NEWS

A think tank says governments should finance 10,000 units of affordable rentals every year in Metro Vancouver. By Charlie Smith

15 FOOD

Experts tell you what to do ahead of time to make Christmas dinner much less stressful and hurried. By Gail Johnson

19 ARTS

The show Bah Humbug! has evolved over 10 years in step with the shifting issues of the Downtown Eastside. By Janet Smith

28 MUSIC

It’s the most wonderful time of the year, which makes it the perfect time to unwrap this season’s Xmas discs. By Mike Usinger and John Lucas

e Start Here 18 THE BOTTLE 10 CANNABIS 29 CONFESSIONS 9 HOROSCOPES 27 I SAW YOU 25 MOVIE REVIEWS 27 MOVIE NOTES 6 REAL ESTATE 31 SAVAGE LOVE

e Online TOP 5

e Listings 24 ARTS 29 MUSIC

e Services 30 CLASSIFIEDS

Vancouver’s News and Entertainment Weekly Volume 53 | Number 2708 1635 West Broadway, Vancouver, B.C. V6J 1W9 T: 604.730.7000 F: 604.730.7010 E: gs.info@straight.com straight.com DISPLAY ADVERTISING: T: 604.730.7020 F: 604.730.7012 E: sales@straight.com

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CLASSIFIEDS: T: 604.730.7060 E: classads@straight.com SUBSCRIPTIONS: 604.730.7000 DISTRIBUTION: 604.730.7087

Here’s what people are reading this week on Straight.com.

1 2 3 4 5

Moms and dads beg for government action on overdose deaths. Violent brawl among almost 20 men linked to regional gang war. B.C. lacrosse legend Sohen Gill dies at the age of 78. Six kitchenware items to give to homebodies in your life. SkyTrain strike averted after early-morning agreement reached.

GeorgiaStraight @GeorgiaStraight @GeorgiaStraight

The Georgia Straight is published every Thursday by the Vancouver Free Press Publishing Corp. Copies are distributed free every week throughout Vancouver, Burnaby, North and West Vancouver, New Westminster, and Richmond. International Standard Serial Number ISSN 0709-8995. Subscription rates in Canada $190.00/52 issues (includes GST), $97.00/26 issues (includes GST); United States $387.00/52 issues, $209.00/26 issues; foreign $723.00/52 issues, $370.00/26 issues. Contact 604-730-7087 if you wish to distribute free copies of the Georgia Straight at your place of business. Entire contents copyright © 2019 Vancouver Free Press, Best Of Vancouver, Bov And Golden Plates Are Trade-Marks Of Vancouver Free Press Publishing Corp. SUBMISSIONS The Straight accepts no responsibility for, and will not necessarily respond to, any submitted materials. All submissions should be addressed to contact@straight.com. Canadian Publications Mail Agreement #40009178, return undeliverable Canadian addresses to The Georgia Straight, 1635 West Broadway, Vancouver, B.C, V6J 1W9

NEWS

Study urges nonmarket building boom

M

by Charlie Smith

etro Vancouver experienced a major building boom from 2016 to 2018, with record numbers of housing starts. But according to Marc Lee, a senior economist with the B.C. office of the Canadian Centre for Policy Alternatives, there weren’t anywhere near enough affordable rental dwellings constructed to meet the public’s demand. “I think we need a concerted commitment over time if we’re really going to make a dent in the problem,” Lee told the Straight in a phone interview. “The market is choosing to build things that are very different from what we actually need.” In a new report, Lee has pointed out that developers are mostly building condos. Although a large number are rented—37 percent in the region and 46 percent within Vancouver city limits—they generally go for higher rents and do not offer the same security of tenure as purpose-built rentals. In 2017 alone, 65 percent of the housing starts were condos, 17 percent were ground-oriented homes, and just 18 percent were new rental housing. The report states that this occurred even though one-third of households in the region are renters. “The current way of thinking about housing is largely in the context of private-sector property developers,” Lee said. “And, also, the conversation is primarily around homeownership as the preferred mode for how people access housing.” In his view, however, access for low- to middle-income households to affordable rental dwellings is a far more important issue. “We have a crisis for people who actually live and work in the city—and that’s the demographic that’s not profitable for those developers,” he stated. Lee’s report, titled Planning for a

Marc Lee of the Canadian Centre for Policy Alternatives says tons of condos are built, but he would rather see 10,000 new nonmarket units per year. Photo by Aria Nasimi

Build-Out of Affordable Rental Housing in Metro Vancouver: How Many Units and How Much Would It Cost?, includes ambitious recommendations to respond to this situation. It proposes that governments finance 10,000 nonmarket rental housing units, including co-ops, in the region every year. He arrived at this number based on the annual growth in the population and backlogged demand for housing from the homeless, low-income seniors, immigrants, and refugees. He anticipates that this would cost about $2.5 billion a year. This assumes that a 600-square-foot one-bedroom unit could be built for $180,000 and a 400-square-foot bachelor unit could be constructed for $120,000. Lee acknowledged that this is “no small sum” of money. “But if you think about it in the context of the B.C. economy, it’s less than one percent of our GDP,” he added. He noted that the biggest obstacle would be finding the capital to kick off a housing initiative of this magnitude.

But once that were achieved, there would be a flow of rental income over the life of the building that could pay down the debt. Lee examined 70 neighbourhoods in the region and found not one in which a full-time minimum-wage worker could afford the cost of renting the average one-bedroom apartment. But it’s also extremely tough for median-income renter households in Vancouver. In the 2016 census, they earned $48,959 per year, compared to a median income of $90,278 for owner households. “The City of Vancouver’s ultralow vacancy rate for rental housing of 0.8 per cent and the more expensive new market rentals coming on stream clearly point to the need for more rental housing that is affordable to ordinary households,” Lee writes in the report. “After two years, housing targets have been exceeded for higher-income households ($80,000 and up), while low-to-middle income groups had fewer-than-targeted units.” g

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DECEMBER 12 – 19 / 2019 THE GEORGIA STR AIGHT 5

REAL ESTATE

Condo owner ordered to replace hardwood floor A tribunal sided with a neighbour upset by the noise

C

by Carlito Pablo

Christmas at Kingsgate Mall TREE OF GIVING Until Dec 23 Pick a card from the Tree of Giving at Kingsgate Mall and help make a needy child’s wish come true this Christmas! Take a card from the tree located near Mark’s and it tells you the age/gender and special interests of the child. Find a suitable gi� and place it (unwrapped & tag aƩached) in our Tree of Giving House. Our elves will ensure it is delivered in �me to create Christmas memories. Thanks to the generosity of our community, over 1,500 gi�s were collected last year. Co-sponsored by Broadway Youth Centre, Children’s Corner, Florence Nigh�ngale, Mt. Pleasant & Strathcona Elementary Schools, Kimount and Kivan Boys &Girls Clubs and the Georgia Straight

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ondo owner Derek Pope wasn’t bothered too much before by noise coming from the unit directly above him. The owners of the unit above had removed their carpet floor covering and replaced it with hardwood. The hardwood flooring didn’t cause problems for the unit below, although it was later found that it did not meet the minimum requirement for noise insulation. There were the “usual minor noises such as radio or a dropped item”, Pope wrote in his evidence before a B.C. Civil Resolution Tribunal. Things changed, however, when the condo above Pope was sold to the Yas family in 2013. Not long after, Pope and his wife began hearing loud noises coming from above. Pope presented witnesses to corroborate his claim. As tribunal vice chair Kate Campbell related in her reasons for finding the Yas family in breach of the strata’s bylaw against nuisance, a friend of the Popes who stayed with them on numerous occasions allegedly heard “loud bangs in the evening, extremely disturbing crashes, and other identified noises”. The person claimed that “at times the noises were so loud they could not hear dialogue on television.” Moreover, the noise “sounded like someone propelling themselves on an office chair” for one to two metres. There were sounds as if a “100 kilogram man had jumped from counter height”. There were “thumps, bangs, and crashes, plus a bouncing noise”. Another person, who worked for the Popes, testified that the sounds coming from above were “excessive”.

A third person testified that he and the Popes found the noises so upsetting that they “began to dine in restaurants” instead of at the Popes’ home. Arlene Yas denied that the noises were coming from their home. Yas told the tribunal that they “placed area rugs and used felt pads on furniture, so the alleged noises could not have come from” their unit. “However, I find the evidence she provided does not confirm she actually took these actions before this dispute was filed in November 2016,” tribunal vice chair Campbell wrote. Campbell noted that although Yas “provided photos showing rugs, they do not indicate when the rugs were purchased or placed”. “The photos also do not establish what amount of the floor surface was covered, or that the rugs were thick enough to prevent significant noise,” according to Campbell. After weighing the evidence, Campbell ruled that the Yas family breached the strata’s nuisance bylaw “on an intermittent but ongoing basis from August 2013 onwards by causing noise that unreasonably interfered with Mr. Pope’s right to use and enjoy” his unit. Campbell ordered Yas to replace the wood flooring with carpet at her own expense. Yas is also required to pay Pope a total of $13,489.53 for general damages for nuisance, reimbursement of sound-testing costs, prejudgment interest, and tribunal fees. In addition, Yas will have to reimburse the strata $5,775 for costs of acoustics testing. g

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HOROSCOPES

A

by Rose Marcus

re you feeling it? The moon takes a tour of emotional Cancer Thursday through Saturday. Between Thursday and Friday, Mars trines Neptune, Venus conjuncts Pluto, and Chiron in Aries ends retrograde. Combined, they put whatever holds the strongest life force or emotional charge on an energy surge. Mars in Scorpio is always good for a passion play. Good at conjuring it up, Mars/Neptune taps a wealth of creativity and inspiration. Friday night is optimum for a romantic adventure, the spiritual quest, or for escaping reality in whatever way suits you best. Regarding the shaping of reality, Venus in Capricorn has been a major player this past week. On Friday, Venus comes full circle with Pluto and in so doing wraps up the project it has been working on since the start of the year and begins the next project. Venus/Pluto brings significant change to the way we relate (to self, to other, to authority’s rule), evaluate, prioritize, and face reality. This planetary pairing increases a sense that time grows short and that it is of utmost importance to use it wisely. Reward- or consequencegenerating, Venus/Pluto also brings a sense that fate and destiny are dictating the play. This particular transit is also a trigger for the eclipse that will launch 2020. The end of Chiron retrograde also sets karmic wheels in motion (often accompanied by a “no pain, no gain” mandate). Despite what might be happening on the political or economic front, Thursday/Friday are great for making the most of it. Friday night, don’t drink and drive: there will be roadblocks. Sunday is optimum for socializing, travel, shopping, and making the most of it. Jupiter/Uranus sets a good trend. Expect a busy, productive, and mostly smoothrunning week ahead.

A

ARIES

March 20–April 20

The next few days keep you feeling it deeply. It’s an emotional go through Saturday. Aim for music, a movie, romance, or a kick-it-back Friday evening, ideal for soaking it up. The weekend takes you over the hump and on to a shift of momentum. At peak on Sunday, Jupiter/Uranus puts it in good perspective and helps you to get a better grip on it.

B

TAURUS

C

GEMINI

April 20–May 21

Venus meets with Pluto on Friday. In so doing, they call it a wrap on this past year and set launch on a next phase, this regarding putting the future into play in some largerformat and crystallizing way. In collaboration, Jupiter’s trine Uranus in Taurus sets up an opportunity window. On Friday, and Sunday to Wednesday, it’s as good as it gets. May 21–June 21

Plans, choices, emotions, and best options take on a life of their own. Despite the added pressure and expense that go with this time of the year, now through mid–next week should prove smooth-running (especially Friday night). More to build, more to gain; progressively, Jupiter/ Uranus sets the bigger-picture agenda onto a more solid track. Sunday, fresh and spontaneous hits the spot.

D

CANCER

June 21–July 22

Venus/Saturn could produce a change of heart or mind Thursday/ Friday. Likely you’ve been working up to it for a while. Mars/Neptune can find you more open, more willing, or more susceptible. Friday night is optimum for letting the spirit move you (romance, moving, going, and hiding out are all good choices). At peak on Sunday, Jupiter/ Uranus favours social interaction, creativity, and thinking ahead.

E

LEO

F

VIRGO

DECEMBER 12 TO 18, 2019 July 22–August 23

The flow is good Thursday/ Friday. Thanks to Mars/Neptune and Venus/Pluto, even the tough stuff can go easy as the week finishes out. Top up with romance, movies, or music Friday night. Sunday/Monday, you’ll time it right, put on a good show, and keep the spark well lit. The moon in Leo and Jupiter/Uranus keep you going strong.

y a H d i l i t o s H December 13 26

August 23–September 23

Venus/Pluto (Thursday/Friday) and Jupiter/Uranus (Sunday/ Monday) increase your capacity to create, connect, partake, gain, and enjoy. Planning ahead and staying ahead, inspiration and good timing are on ready dial-up. At peak on Sunday, Jupiter/Uranus brings a sense that things are moving along well, that things are falling into place easily. On the biggerpicture scale, you are gaining better insight, progressively.

G

to

LIBRA

September 23–October 23

Venus has kept you utterly consumed all week. As of Friday, you can call it a wrap and ease up on the throttle. Cozy up with one you love or enjoy on your own Friday night. Feel a sense that you are on the brink of a whole new reality? (You are.) At peak on Sunday, Jupiter/Uranus keeps you and synchronicity going strong.

H

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Thursday/Friday can prompt news, a change of perspective, conversation, plan, or tactic. You’ll feel it as a natural progression. Venus/Pluto and the moon in Cancer keep emotions on ready tap. At peak on Sunday, Jupiter/ Uranus keeps the social action, lines of communication, and creativity going strong. Feels good, feels right, feels well timed. Tuesday/Wednesday keep you busy but all runs smooth. November 22–December 21

Emotions run the show Thursday/Friday. Venus/Pluto can see you make a major turnaround regarding finances or a relationship. At peak on Sunday but operative all month, Jupiter/Uranus sets you up to make great inroads regarding health, work, or working it out. You’ll move from one thing to the next without skipping a beat. Intuition, creativity, and good timing run at peak.

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K

AQUARIUS

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Mars/Neptune and Venus/ Pluto shift the momentum and bring the week to a smooth finish. Friday night is ideal for romance, entertainment, or a sweet escape. Sunday, Jupiter/Uranus sets an ideal backdrop for travel, shopping, concert-going, socializing, and making the most of it. Tuesday/Wednesday are full to the brim but smooth going. g

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Thursday/Friday can remove a barrier, open your heart (or wallet), and help you to forge a deeper bond with one you love. Friday night is ideal for romance, movies, music, or spiritual replenishment. Jupiter/Uranus boosts opportunity and makes the going easier. A productive week lies ahead.

Go by feel and you’ll take care of business quite well Thursday/Friday. Make sure to add your name to the good-mothering list. Friday evening and Sunday, it’s as good as it gets. At peak on Sunday, Jupiter/Uranus kicks the good stuff up a notch for the whole month. Tuesday/Wednesday, you’ll accomplish plenty. The going is good.

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What will 2020 dish up for you? Purchase tickets for Rose’s talk on January 8 at Unity of Vancouver at rosemarcus.com/ momentous-astrology-of-2020/.

DECEMBER 12 – 19 / 2019 THE GEORGIA STR AIGHT 9

CANNABIS

Names mean a lot when it comes to plant types

Respecting cultivar names honours original breeders by Adolfo Gonzalez

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In the minds of many, cannabis names like Blueberry and Congolese are forever bound to certain expected flavour profiles. Photo by Get Budding on Unsplash

W

hat’s really in a name? Well, when it comes to cannabis, many Canadians still believe that the answer is: very little. Names like Blueberry, OG Kush, and Amnesia Haze are still widely perceived as baseless marketing ploys made up by “street dealers” with little understanding of the true ancestry of their plant. Today, as the dust settles on legalization and companies scramble to own the world’s most sought-after cannabis genetics, many are realizing that there may be more to the story. A big part of the problem is too much focus on blanket names like “indica” and “sativa” that do not specify genetic inheritance, breeder, or place of ancestry. Having specificity and consistency in the genetic background of the cannabis one regularly consumes is, despite popular belief, a key tool in reliably predicting the unique effect a particular cultivar will provide. When names are consistently applied to specific types of genetically distinct plants (as most reputable growers have been doing since far before the age of legalization), names actually matter a lot. Could you imagine if wine companies questioned the value of telling their consumers the specific type of grape used to make their wine, choosing instead to opt for a generic “red” or “white” labelling? There is little debate that Pinot Noir and Cabernet Sauvignon grapes truly exist as distinct grape types and that those grapes were bred and processed by highly specialized wine cultures that understood quality. Cannabis, on the other hand, is still mistakenly viewed by many as coming from a cultureless void, and this perspective truly does stand to be corrected. The truth about this industry has always been that if you look closely, you will find some real masters at work: farmers, breeders, and seed junkies with boundless passion and, in some cases, a rigorous scientific approach. Today, many of the more established breeders work directly with laboratories in order to map the genome of their plants, establishing a clear record of the genetic relationship to other mapped cultivars as well as noting the unique biochemical and morphological traits of each variety as expressed in a particular environment. To those of us who have dedicated our lives to this plant, cannabis names encrypt a whole host of technical and cultural information into a single word that maintains the bond between a particular plant and its breeder, seed collector, or place of ancestry. Further, names like Blueberry, Thin Mint Girl Scout Cookies, and Congolese are forever bound to certain expected flavour profiles and growth characteristics in the minds of those who bred, grew, and/or enjoyed these names time and time again. Getting rid of names assigned by the original breeder or seed collector ultimately deprives experienced consumers of reconnecting with the

legendary classics they love, but perhaps even sadder than that, it creates a marketplace where having a rich cultural and sensory experience that goes beyond simply “getting high” is difficult, if not impossible, to achieve. Let me put it this way: Blueberry is a masterpiece, like a good movie made long ago that we have all enjoyed many times, with few ever knowing who wrote and directed it. D J Short’s work was truly foundational to the future of cannabis breeding, demonstrating what could be achieved when trait selection was focused on flavour rather than purely aiming to increase potency or productivity. As a flower or concentrate vendor at any level of the distribution chain, you do not want to sell some “Blueberry” knockoff—you want to rep the real thing by its true name or risk being called out by influential tastemakers as another clueless cannabis producer/vendor. Calling Blueberry anything other than Blueberry would be a disrespect to Short, the consumers who love his work, and the culture of cannabis breeding and growing as a whole. Truly, this would be a violation of the rites of passage that the underground cannabis community has held sacred for so long. Tetrahydrocannabinol (THC), cannabidiol (CBD), and terpene readings alone—like the terms indica and sativa—are, in the end, insufficient pieces of information to know if a particular cultivar will match an experienced consumer’s preference. Cannabis names as used by the established community of breeders and growers actually provide the most precise and relevant language to refer to specific cannabis cultivars that are already well-known by consumers. Period. Cannabis names, despite how odd they may appear, should actually mean more, not less, as we move further into legality, with each officially catalogued name clearly tying back to a specific breeder or seed company that can verify authenticity and demonstrate knowledge of the specific ancestry and expected traits of the plant. Names may sound funny, but—trust me—they all mean something to the person (or people) who created or collected those seeds/cuts, as well as to the consumers who have come to know and love the qualities of that particular cultivar. In the old-school underground cannabis community, when a classic black-market variety like OG, which has many different versions, is being re-created by a particular breeding group, it is customary to add another word to identify which specific type of OG is being referred to, as in the case of Raskal OG, Emerald Triangle OG, or DeadHead OG, each of which is constituted out of distinct parent varieties. Because, yes, it matters which OG it is—and someone out there cares. The sooner we all wrap our heads around this, the closer we will be to living in the globally recognized cannabis mecca that Canada should be. g

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Fluevog reflects on 50 years of sole by Mike Usinger

A

sk John Fluevog why he felt it was time to tell his life story and the answer you’ll get is an involved one. This makes sense once you spend some time with the Vancouver-based entrepreneur and game-changing shoe designer—who’s now the author of a new book titled Fluevog: 50 Years of Unique Soles for Unique Souls. The Straight sits down with the West Coast legend at the expansive Gastown store that serves as a showroom for the famously styling footwear he’s been coming up with for five decades. Over espressos, Fluevog reveals himself to be many things, talking thoughtfully and philosophically about career highs and character-testing lows. After suggesting that he’s not really a religious person, he acknowledges being spiritual and convinced that we’ve all been put here for a purpose. (“They’re angel-powered and Satan-resistant,” one of his ad tag lines once boasted.) A city boy who’s spent much of his adult life doing business in the great urban centres of the world, he’s happiest these days on the Sunshine Coast, where he has a getaway residence. While he freely admits to being somewhat rhythmically challenged, one of his greatest loves is funk and raw R&B. For his willingness to break rules and bring an element of surrealism to a sometimes ordinary world, Salvador Dalí ranks at the top of Fluevog’s favourite artists. The 71-year-old businessman and philanthropist is perhaps proudest of the fact that he’s a devoted husband, dad to three, and grandfather to five. Even though he’s a fashion fixture not only in Vancouver but around the world, Fluevog has always seen himself as something of an outsider, forever standing on the fringes of pop culture. Just because Lady Miss Kier proudly wore a pair of his orange Munsters on the cover of Deee-Lite’s 1990 smash Word Clique doesn’t mean he’d be comfortable standing on-stage busting nu-disco moves to “Groove Is in the Heart”. “I was a cult hero during the punk explosion,” Fluevog reminisces as he flashes back to the early ’80s. “I remember seeing, spray-painted on the side of a wall, ‘John Fluevog is God.’ It was like, ‘Oh my gosh—are you kidding me?’ I saw that in different places—some kid had graffitied it. So I became synonymous with a culture that I oddly wasn’t really connected to wholeheartedly. I mean, I did it, but I was always kind of on the periphery, looking at it from the outside. And I think that’s an important thing

John Fluevog, the son of a mechanic, says his love for the shapes and lines of cars helped him develop his design sense.

for why I’ve stayed in business for 50 years. I’ve always looked at things from the outside. I’ve never been completely immersed in one look.” His hope for Fluevog: 50 Years of Unique Soles for Unique Souls is that he’s able to be an inspiration, and not just to those who dream of carving out a legacy in the fashion world. Dyslexic, he struggled to finish high school. University wasn’t an option, which was fine except that he grew up in an era when kids were taught that those who didn’t go to university end up as ditch diggers. After an initial stint in shoe sales, Fluevog reasoned that maybe—despite having no formal training— he could start designing them. Today, after overcoming some considerable hurdles along the way, he’s the head of a mini-empire, with 27 stores spread across Canada and the U.S., as well as in the Netherlands and Australia. Fluevog’s styles are now iconic, like his first buckled Pilgrim loafers from 1986, in which Victorian England meets the Wild West with dangerously pointed toes, or the dagger-sharp black Swordfish style worn by alt-rock royalty later in the decade. His fans today include everyone from high-wattage celebrities like Lady Gaga, Beyoncé, Jack White, and Scarlett Johansson to everyday folks who happily swim in a different current than the mainstream. There are many pieces of wisdom in Fluevog: 50 Years of Unique Soles for Unique Souls. But the biggest one might be that the only thing stopping you from realizing your dream is you.

A pair of Fluevog’s ’90s-era Munsters.

Even if you don’t believe in yourself, Fluevog does. “What is significant to me, and probably a reason that I wrote the book, is that I’d like it to be an encouragement to people who don’t think that they are equipped to do something,” he says. “You don’t always need to go to school, and you don’t need to have training. I am, and was, dyslexic. I never got into university because I didn’t have good-enough grades. I’ve never been to design school. I wanted to let people know that you don’t need to do that stuff. If you’ve got a dream, you can actually just start chasing it.” SOME PEOPLE OOZE rock-star cool, and Fluevog is one of them. The first thing you notice is that he places value on listening. He also has no trouble articulating ideas that he freely admits can sound “airy-fairy”. “I believe that we are created and I believe that everyone is made special,” he says. “And that’s what I found

out in my life—that I was actually okay, and it wasn’t like some big mistake was made. That’s kind of the main theme behind the brand, that ‘You’re okay.’ I’m not into one-upmanship fashion. What I do is maybe a little different or unusual—you can call it artistic when I put messages on it. But the goal of the product is to feel special and good, and hopefully make people feel good about themselves. That’s maybe my little mission in life.” Fluevog: 50 Years of Unique Soles for Unique Souls is packed with archival photos, sketches, vintage ads and posters, and reproductions of the zine-like catalogue he’s put out over the years. There are countless inspirational messages (“The best miracles come in the everyday living of our lives”) and, of course, gloriously colour-saturated shots of the shoes that made him famous. Think, for example, his ’90s spin on creepers, with their striped thick soles; the chunky classic brogues with Angelic soles; the Baroque beauties with their bows and hourglass heels; and the funky blue-, green-, yellow-, and mauve-striped, ankle-strapped Biancas that took a starring role in a ’60s-inspired As You Like It at Bard on the Beach last year. Besides offering a pop-culture rush of visual stimulation, the book tells

Fluevog’s personal story, and not just the successes. He was born in Vancouver on May 15 in 1948, to Ruth and Sigurd Fluevog, devout Christians with roots stretching back to Norway via Alberta and the American Midwest. Fluevog’s childhood was as interesting as it was charmed. A skilled mechanic, Sigurd was also an entrepreneur, opening up a successful garage near Kootenay Loop at Hastings and Boundary, and later a softserve ice cream spot called the Luxury Freeze Drive-In in Burnaby. Noting that cars were a status symbol in the ’50s, Fluevog recalls that the drive-in became a magnet for those who lived to show off their wheels. “You could be unpopular, but if you had a cool car, you could get a pretty girl to drive around with you,” he writes. “My dad and I shared a love of cars, and by the time I was 10 I knew everything about every model that would pull into the drive-in. Now I realize that’s where I kind of developed a feel for shapes and lines and the feeling they create.” After graduating, and following a meandering path that included everything from working in a sawmill to ending up wide-eyed in a druggy commune in ’60s California, Fluevog found himself back in Vancouver. In his book, Fluevog documents his going to work at a high-end men’s store called Sheppard Shoes as the ’60s gave way to the ’70s. It was there he got to know a family friend named Peter Fox, whom—thanks to a loan from Sigurd—he’d go into business with selling shoes under the name Fox & Fluevog. When Fox moved to New York in 1979, Fluevog bought him out. For a while he was content moving Dr. Martens through his first stand-alone store on the Granville Mall, under the Commodore Ballroom. If you were in a punk or new-wave band in the ’80s, Fluevog was the man who set you apart. “Punk became new wave and postpunk and all those other anarchic movements, and then by the mid1980s, grunge had started to emerge from Seattle,” he writes. “It was a powerful fashion moment, and I was right in the thick of it. The Dr. Martens I was selling were the footwear of punk and grunge. I should have had it made. Instead I was running out of money,

see next page

DECEMBER 12 – 19 / 2019 THE GEORGIA STR AIGHT 13

“I’ve had a few peaks and valleys,� he says with a laugh. “When I’ve bottomed out, now, those are some of the most precious times to me. They were pivotal, and formed a new me. I think that the bad times that we go through are actually good times. They are part of the mosaic that makes up our life. It’s not all good—we go through shit and get mired down. Many of us go through depression and moral dilemmas as we traverse our daily lives.� In one of the most powerful moments in Fluevog: 50 Years of Unique Soles for Unique Souls, Fluevog recounts a time in Chicago at the end of the ’90s. A marriage is falling apart, stores across the continent are in

lucky enough to lock onto something you love, you owe it to yourself not to give up when things get tough. “I had nothing to fall back on,� Fluevog marvels when asked about his perseverance over the years. “I didn’t have a skill—I have no other skills, so I thought, ‘Man, I’m going to be delivering mail.’ Except that I wouldn’t even be good at that. Even as a kid, I had a sense of what looked good. And I always knew that people, when they met me, found that I had a certain presence that they liked. And I knew that I wasn’t stupid, even though everything that I did didn’t work very well.� Except that eventually it did. “I’m very thankful that I did what I did and stuck with it and that I’ve lasted for 50 years,� Fluevog muses. “I became part of the culture of Vancouver, and I’m very thankful for that. That’s one of the reasons that I put the book together—to really celebrate that and how much this city has supported me.� For all of his success today, he suggests that he’s really nothing overly special, which he hopes will inspire others who aren’t sure if they have something to offer the world. Pay attention to what Fluevog has to say in Fluevog: 50 Years of Unique Soles for Unique Souls, and you just might learn something about yourself. “I probably put this in the book, but I feel like I’m a conduit,� the designer says. “So when people meet me and go ‘Oh John, you’re amazing,’ I’m really not. I’m just a guy that listens. I see what people have to say, and then I have the boldness to go and do it. That’s something that we all have—I don’t have a corner on that. A lot of people feel like ‘I can’t fit into that crowd,’ or ‘I feel like a fraud,’ or ‘I don’t have anything to ofHIS MESSAGE TO everyone who’s fer.’ Those are incorrect thoughts. We ever walked in his shoes is that if you’re need to know we’re all worthy.� g

trouble and creating cash-flow problems, and his life is generally a mess. While in the Windy City and unable to sleep, he starts walking the streets at 4 a.m., coming across a plastic, I’m very thankful lit-up sign advertising the Primitive that I did what I did Baptist Church. Fluevog ends up attending a serand stuck with it vice, where he’s a spiky-haired blond in a sea of African-American faces. and that I’ve lasted And he knows somewhere deep for 50 years. down that the pastor is speaking dir– John Fluevog ectly to him when she preaches: “You think that you have it bad now, you think things can’t get no worse. Well I’m here to tell you that things can get worse. But I’m here to tell you that God won’t take you to any place that you can’t bear.� Recalling that day, Fluevog says, “The punk stuff in the ’80s took me through almost to the end of ’98. My stuff got copied a lot, and people were bringing in stuff from China that were kind of look-alikes. Small boutiques couldn’t afford the prices of my shoes, and the look was kind of waning—it was a variety of things. So I had to reinvent myself.� And so he did. For a while he was living in a dark and dank basement OUR BOOKS | OUR BODIES | OUR LIVES suite on 16th Avenue, away from his family, and aware there were drugabuse issues with staff members at | | ADULT TOYS & FETISH FANTASY GREETING CARDS CLOTHING his“Icompany. guess I just decided to leave everything and focus on what I knew | LUBRICANTS & MASSAGE OILS GIFTWARE & NOVELT Y ITEMS how tobehind do,� Fluevog says. “I was like, ‘I can’t fix this, and I can’t fix that, but I RAINBOW GEAR can do shoes. So lemme narrow things down, and put some shoes together that are going to work and sell, and Serving The Needs Of Our City Since 1983 just focus on that one key thing.’ That’s what I did. A couple of shoes started selling, and it slowly crept back.�

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and, for a while at least, it seemed I was at a dead end.� Eventually, he realized that he’d rather focus on designing his own shoes than selling someone else’s. Being able to pay attention to things like sustainability by using natural latex was a bonus. Looking back, Fluevog has had booms and busts, the euphoria of opening new stores in Vancouver and beyond counterbalanced by the reality that there’s no sure thing in retail. In Fluevog: 50 Years of Unique Soles for Unique Souls he acknowledges that he’s flirted with bankruptcy more than once.

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FOOD

Reduce your Christmas kitchen stress

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by Gail Johnson

he most wonderful time of the year brings with it the most labour-intensive meal of the year for those who celebrate Christmas with a traditional turkey dinner. But the big day doesn’t have to be a big drag. The trick to making December 25 less stressful and crazy busy in the kitchen is to do as much as you can ahead of time. Here are a few tips from local culinary pros that will help make your Christmas merry. For one, prepare your mise en place the day before. “Mise en place is a French term meaning ‘set in place’, and it basically means preparing all your ingredients before you start cooking,” says certified nutritional practitioner Erika Weissenborn, founder and CEO of Fresh in Your Fridge, a weekly in-home meal service. “Get all your chopping done, your sauces premade, and make sure you have all the ingredients needed to get started. Chopping typically takes the most amount of time during preparation and can be done days in advance. “Instead of your classic mashed potatoes, opt for roasted root vegetables instead,” she adds. “Use veggies like beets, squash, yams, parsnips, onions, and carrots. You can prep all of these the day before and easily roast them the day of your dinner with a little bit of olive oil, salt, and rosemary. They are nutrient-dense and more colourful than potatoes.” To save even more time, you can put veggies—cut and oiled—on a parchment-lined baking tray the day before and store them in the fridge overnight, says chef and registered holistic nutritionist Ana Arenas, culinary operations manager at Cook Culture and the blogger be-

To make things easier on yourself this Christmas, chef and nutritionist Ana Arenas recommends premixing salad ingredients.

hind The Bella Life. (She’s known as Ana Bella.) In addition to the aforementioned vegetables, she suggests turnips and celeriac chopped into batons (“French-fry size”), drizzled with avocado oil until just covered, Make sure you and seasoned with sea salt and pepper and any other spices you like, such as have all the smoked paprika, cumin, or turmeric. ingredients needed The two side dishes Arenas always makes for Christmas turkey dinner to get started. are honey-glazed roasted root vege– Erika Weissenborn tables and roasted Brussels sprouts. “They are always a hit at the dinner table,” she says. To make the root-veg dish ahead, prep the vegetables as above. Then all you need to do is pop them in a 400° F oven for 30 minutes, tossing tablespoons coconut oil and add two the veggies midway through. For tablespoons honey; heat until mixthe optional honey glaze, melt two ture sticks to the back of a spoon.

Drizzle the glaze over the root veg as soon as it comes out of the oven. For the Brussels sprouts, clean them, slice them in half, and toss with a drizzle of avocado oil, sea salt, and pepper. Layer evenly on the prepared tray with lemon slices and smashed garlic cloves. When you’re ready to roast, put them in a 400° F oven for 25 to 30 minutes or until the Brussels sprouts are golden brown and a little bit charred. Squeeze the roasted garlic and get rid of the peel, then mix together with lemon juice. Other tips? “Premix salad ingredients without the dressing,” Arenas says. “Place it all in a bowl and cover with Saran Wrap. Make the dressing ahead on the side, and let the guests add it themselves. Then it’s ready to serve.”

Make the gravy and cranberry sauce ahead of time, too. “They can be made weeks in advance and kept in the freezer,” Arenas says. “Just be sure to thaw them out a day or two before the dinner. For making gravy ahead, you can make a roux, equal amounts of butter and flour, then just add chicken stock—either homemade or store-bought—herbs, and salt. Add the turkey drippings to the premade gravy when reheating it the day of the dinner.” Stuffing is another dish that can be prepped ahead of time. Follow your favourite recipe and chop up onions and celery; cook in melted butter, add in bread pieces, seasoning, herbs, and broth (chicken or vegetable), then spoon into large resealable bags. These can stay in the fridge for up to three days. Then the day of, you just need to reheat in the oven in a greased casserole dish. Desserts are a make-ahead nobrainer. Any Christmas cookies made between now and then can be frozen and put on a platter. Instead of a pie, make a crisp or crumble. “It’s easy to make and there’s no pastry preparation,” Weissenborn says. “Just a simple fruit mixture on the bottom and an oat-and-flour topping. This can also easily be made gluten-free or vegan for those guests with dietary preferences or allergies.” A dessert that sounds difficult but is in fact fairly easy to make ahead of time is a trifle. “We actually feature this in our Christmas Feast classes,” Arenas says. “The cake, custard, berries, and whip can all be done ahead of time—the day or two before—and assembled on the day of the dinner.” The cake can even be store-bought if time is feeling too tight. Look for a yellow cake. g

DECEMBER 12 – 19 / 2019 THE GEORGIA STR AIGHT 15

FOOD

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Little Bird serves up dim sum in Kits

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by Tammy Kwan

onathan Lee comes from a dim-sum dynasty: his grandfather and father ran the sizable Flamingo House Chinese restaurants on Cambie and Fraser streets for more than 40 years, and the latter still oversees a downsized location on Southeast Marine Drive. But despite Lee’s lineage and exposure to the restaurant industry, he never planned on opening a dining establishment of his own—until he realized that Vancouver’s Kitsilano neighbourhood doesn’t have access to traditional Cantonese-style dim sum. That, and the intention of moving back home after living and working in the U.S. for more than 20 years, led to the opening of Little Bird Dim Sum (2958 West 4th Avenue). “I spent eight, nine years in Chicago, and that city is all about neighbourhood, similar to Kits,” Lee told the Straight in an interview at the new eatery. “My brother and a lot of our friends live in this neighbourhood, and they say it’s hard to get dim sum in this area.” Contrary to what some may think about a dim sum restaurant that also serves craft beer and wine, Little Bird’s food menu is as traditional as it gets. Guests will find fan-favourite items like siu mai (Chinese pork and shrimp dumpling), har gow (shrimp dumpling), sticky rice (with Chinese sausage, shiitake mushroom, and goji berry), steamed barbecued-pork buns, pork spareribs, and chicken feet (with black beans and garlic). To better accommodate the district’s growing palate for plant-based fare, the new spot also offers vegetarian siu mai (made with Beyond Meat), vegetarian sticky rice, baked barbecued-tofu buns, crispy bean-curd rolls, and vegetarian spring rolls. “There are a lot of vegans, people who are gluten-free, and people with

West 4th diners can enjoy classic BBQ pork buns and siu mai. Photo by Tammy Kwan

allergies,” Lee said. “A lot of times, they can’t go and have dim sum. We don’t serve specialty vegan dim sum, but we have options.” Sweet items like egg tarts (made with egg custard and butter pastry), green-tea sesame balls (with matcha and sesame paste), steamed sponge cakes, goji-berry and litchi Jell-O, and almond Jell-O are also served. The dim sum is made at a central kitchen in South Vancouver, and some of the chefs are from Flamingo. There is limited real estate inside Little Bird, so it makes sense that the steaming and cooking are done inhouse while the actual food preparation takes place externally. In terms of drinks, Lee has carefully picked out the alcohol to ensure it doesn’t overpower the food. Choices like Parallel 49’s craft lager and Four Winds’ Saison are available. Wines include Pinot Gris, Pinot Noir, Gamay rosé, and Cabernet Franc. If you’re looking for spirit-free libations, go for the house-made Hong Kong iced lemon tea, ha fu chou (cold herbal tea), or classic hot Chinese teas: chrysanthemum, jasmine, and pu’er. “We’re going to consistently evolve

the liquor as well as the food,” Lee added. “Once we’re comfortable and the kitchen is comfortable with everything coming out, we’ll add in some new items as well.” Lee acknowledges that Little Bird is an East-meets-West dining establishment but not in the sense that the food being served is fusion. Its traditional dim sum showcases flavours from the East, while its interior design and service components reflect West Coast hospitality. Its tables, walls, and flooring are made by ChopValue, a company that makes its products from recycled chopsticks. Little Bird takes only limited reservations for parties of six or more, but there’s an electronic wait-list system in place for walk-in guests, and a text message is sent to them once their table is ready. It’s currently only open Tuesday to Sunday, from 5 to 10 p.m., but will open for brunch on Sundays beginning this week. “I think we provide great food, traditional dim sum, and great drinks,” Lee said. “We’re friendly. We have fun working, and when you come in, I’m sure you’ll have a good laugh as well.” g

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16 THE GEORGIA STR AIGHT DECEMBER 12 – 19 / 2019

#GOLDENPLATES2020

Dine Out Vancouver Festival will return with stellar lineup of culinary experiences Tastemakers and food lovers convene for the country’s biggest celebration of food and drink DIM SUM CHINATOWN TOUR

(This story is sponsored by Dine Out Vancouver Festival)

E

xciting news: Dine Out Vancouver Festival is just around the corner. The hottest culinary festival in town has grown into the largest annual celebration of food and drink in the entire country since it launched 18 years ago. Although it may be best known for fixed-price dining deals, the fest offers a full menu to please every palate, from neighbourhood food tours to cooking classes to global guestchef collaboration dinners. From January 17 to February 2, 2020, more than 300 restaurants— plus wineries, breweries, and suppliers—will take part in the most exciting culinary gathering of the year. Produced by Tourism Vancouver along with its festival partner, Wines of British Columbia, the festival is a chance to celebrate community and share Vancouver’s extraordinary culinary story with the world. Here is a taste of what’s in store for 2020.

THE GREAT BIG TASTE

Kick off the festival at this tasting event. A fantastic lineup of top Metro Vancouver restaurants—along with B.C. wineries, craft breweries, distilleries, and cideries—will serve tantalizing samples while a DJ drops beats. The evening’s proceeds will benefit the fest’s charitable partner, the B.C. Hospitality Foundation, which supports hospitality workers facing financial crises due to health conditions. Grab a LYFT and get a discount on your ride.

Only offered during Dine Out, this Canadian Craft Tours event takes food lovers throughout historic Chinatown to a handful of the city’s most popular dim sum spots. The stroll includes a taste of Chinese barbecue and a traditional tea ceremony. COFFEE, BRUNCH, DONUTS, AND BEER TOUR

VANCOUVER WORLD CHEF EXCHANGE

Four international chefs, four local culinary talents, four multicourse menus with beverage pairings: the exchange is a delicious cross-cultural collaboration. Presented by Tourism Vancouver and sponsored by Air Canada and the Westin Bayshore Hotel, the exchange has, since 2016, brought in chefs from Mexico City, London, and beyond. Among the highlights this year is an all-female cast for one of the events: Chicha chef Shelome Bouvette hosts PEI chef Charlotte Langley for an East Coast meets West Coast seafood journey paired with wines by Naramata’s Joie Farms Winery

winemaker Heidi Noble. Then there’s the Off the Hook Indigenous Dinner. Salmon n’ Bannock Bistro, Vancouver’s only First Nations restaurant, hosts the all-star team of Maori chef Rewi Spraggon from Auckland, New Zealand, and Edmonton-based Enoch Cree Nation chef Shane Chartrand. STREET FOOD CITY

Vancouverites love their street food, and for the ninth consecutive year, about 20 of Vancouver’s most popular food trucks will convene in šxʷƛ̓ənəq Xwtl’e7énk Square outside the Vancouver Art Gallery. The family-friendly event makes for a fabulous midwinter outdoor picnic.

session, brewing demo, and handson experience making your own 100% Kona pour over. You’ll get to indulge in a house-made pastry with your final product. LE VIEUX PIN WINERY DINNER AT L’ABATTOIR

One of several winery dinners during Dine Out, this one sees iconic South Okanagan winery Le Vieux Pin at Gastown’s celebrated L’Abattoir restaurant for a fivecourse French-via–West Coast menu. Exquisite wines will accompany dishes like ocean trout two ways and char-grilled pork rib with blackberry and sage.

Some might call those the four food groups. Travelling from place to place via the Vancouver Brewery Tours bus, you’ll get some behindthe-scenes java tasting at Agro Roasters, a full brunch at Red Truck Beer Company’s Truck Stop restaurant, a beer flight at Brassneck Brewery, and CHINATOWN DUMPLING MASTERCLASS a sweet treat at Cartems Donuts. After an insider’s peek of ChinaFARM IN THE CITY: B.C. FARM town, you’ll learn the secrets to TO TABLE making authentic dumplings from With B.C. farms being the source of scratch. Dine on your creations so many different crops and topnotch and leave with a detailed recipe products, it’s no wonder the field-to- so you can impress your friends fork movement keeps getting strong- at home. er. Get out your finest farm duds for this family-style gourmet pop-up THE FLYING PIG’S SIGNATURE curated by Chef Regina Lee of Gaia PIG ROAST DINNER Kitchen (which is known for its arti- There’s nothing like it on the losan pies) and cohosted by Sweetery cal culinary calendar: a whole Café and Dessert. Duck raised with- slow-roasted Gelderman Farms pig out antibiotics, wild salmon, and or- served with dishes like baked trufganic vegetables are just some of the f le jumbo macaroni, candied heirdelicious local goods you’ll enjoy at loom carrots, and roasted squash and organic kale salad. It’s a feast this farm in the city. centred on friendship and fun. g KONA COFFEE HAND BREW WORKSHOP

Honolulu Coffee brings the tropics to your coffee cup with this tasting

This is just a sampling of Dine Out Vancouver 2020’s delicious programming. For full details and tickets, visit dineoutvancouver.com.

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DECEMBER 12 – 19 / 2019 THE GEORGIA STR AIGHT 17

DRINK

Different wines for different purposes by Kurtis Kolt

H BC Liquor Stores’ TASTE magazine provides inspiration for entertaining (This story is sponsored by BC Liquor Stores.)

For more information on products, special events, and to view TASTE magazine online, visit ntertaining guests during w w w.b c l i q u o r s to re s .c o m /t a s t e / the holidays can be a lot of currentissue/. g work, so let the helpful staff at BC Liquor Stores suggest beverages that pair well with your holiday meals. The experts at BC Liquor Stores know exactly which dry Riesling or Recipes for fireside Pinot Noir goes best with Christmas cocktails and festive turkey and shortbread cookies. For recipe inspiration, BC Lidishes can be found quor Stores’ TASTE magazine throughout the (available online and in-store) contains many delicious holiday meal holiday issue of and cocktail ideas. TASTE magazine. Recipes for fireside cocktails and festive dishes can be found scattered throughout the holiday issue of TASTE magazine and will surely “wow” every guest.

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Buy Today

oliday parties are in full swing! This week, let’s look at bottles suitable for any scenario.

When you’re gonna be getting your Valeria Tait allows drink on Although overindulging her wines to be isn’t recommended, sometimes we know a few glasses may be in store. honest expressions Selbach “Fish Label” Riesling 2016 of her terroir. (Mosel, Germany; $19.99, B.C. Liquor Stores) is a bright and cheery – Kurtis Kolt Riesling, shimmering with Golden Delicious apples, Red Haven peaches, and a squeeze of fresh lime. At a mere 10 percent alcohol, a couple glasses won’t slow you down. Sure, there’s a little sweetness on the finish, but Liquor Stores) carries all these notes striking acidity keeps things well bal- and carries them damn well, too. anced. It can be enjoyed for one dollar off through December 28. When you want to impress Champagne Lelarge-Pugeot Tradition Extra When you’re gonna be getting your Brut NV (Champagne, France; $60 snack on If you don’t know what eats to $70, private wine stores) is a bioare going to be offered, heading in a dynamically farmed blend of Pinot pink direction can be a safe bet. Ti- Meunier, Pinot Noir, and Chardonberio Cerasuolo D’Abruzzo 2018 (Ab- nay, bursting with lemonade, scrumpy ruzzo, Italy; $23.99, B.C. Liquor Stores) apple cider, and marzipan. This week comes from 50-year-old limestone- alone, I’ve popped a couple corks of steeped Montepulciano vines and is the stuff; a new personal fave. Recently juicy as all get-out. Waves of ripe rasp- spotted at Brewery Creek Liquor Store. berries, cherries, and lime wash across the palate, and the minimal skin con- When you’re broke La Casona de tact during maceration provides a nice Castaño Old Vines Monastrell 2017 bit of grippy texture. Perfect for wash- (Yecla, Spain; $10.49, B.C. Liquor ing down salty deep-fried goodness, Stores) is a killer bargain widely availa wide array of cheeses, and more. able on liquor-store shelves. A rich and multilayered red, teeming with black When you want to stray from the licorice, cocoa, espresso, blackberries, norm When most folks think white cola, and a dusting of pepper. You’ll Burgundy, they think of Chardonnay, need your toothbrush for this one! It’s which is by far the most planted white one dollar off through December 28. variety. Much lesser known (and planted) is Aligoté, with a high acid profile, When there’s going to be a bunch often carrying notes of green apple, of natural-wine geeks Sveti Vrac lemon, hazelnuts, and herbs. Domaine Keratsuda 2017 (Struma Valley, BulDaniel Rion & Fils Bourgogne Aligoté garia; $36.99, B.C. Liquor Stores) is 2017 (Burgundy, France; $24.99, B.C. Bulgarian orange wine, and Kerat-

myVSO.ca

suda is the name of the grape. It’ll knock their socks off. Grown on ancient bush vines, raised in amphora vessels, and wild-fermented with six months of skin contact. There’s plenty of stone fruit like apricots, nectarines, and peaches, with a nice pull of fruit leather to it as well. When you want to go big Double up on the volume; double up on the yum! R. López de Heredia Rioja Reserva Viña Tondonia 2006 1.5 litre (Rioja, Spain; $139.99, B.C. Liquor Stores) comes from a renowned producer known for high-quality, distinctive wine, often bringing the funk to your glass. This finely aged, Tempranillo-driven red has stewed black and red berry fruit, cloves, beef jerky, and a good lashing of earthiness. The opposite end of the spectrum from fruity bubble-gum wines, this spicy and leathery number has charisma to spare. When you want to go local Okanagan-based viticulturist and winemaker Valeria Tait is at the helm of Naramata’s Bench 1775 winery, and I’ve been admiring the direction she’s been driving the place since she took the post in 2012. While it’s tempting for many winemakers to make their big reds even bigger by overextracting and adding plenty of oak, Tait allows her wines to be honest expressions of her vineyards and terroir. Funny how that happens when the farmer is also the winemaker! Lately, I’ve been digging Bench 1775 Cabernet Sauvignon Syrah 2016 (Okanagan Valley, B.C.; $34.90, bench1775.com). Cabernet Sauvignon brings red currants, tobacco, and cedar notes, while Syrah lavishes it in blackberries, black plums, cloves, cardamom, and pepper. It’s big and juicy but very well-balanced. g

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IN CONCERT: FILM WITH LIVE ORCHESTRA

DATE, 8PM | BELL CENTRE, SURREY DATE, 8PM | ORPHEUM

DEC 18/20 | 7PM, ORPHEUM Surrey Nights / Musically Speaking OperaticMacaulay excerptsCulkin from the andhilarious Gretel fairy tale Back by popular demand, getsHansel up to his plusthe Tchaikovsky’s splendid 5th Symphony will make this holiday antics while VSO performs John Williams’ Academy Award-nominated score.concert a festive treat. Constantin Trinks returns to Vancouver to let the drama of this music shine. BROUGHT TO YOU BY Film Concerts Live © 1990 Twentieth Century Foxa

DEC 12–22 | VARIOUS VENUES

The VSO Holiday tradition returns with singing, storytelling, and plenty of holiday cheer. Join host Christopher Gaze and a multitude of special guests for this festive favourite. See myvso.ca for dates and locations of Christmas concerts.

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DEC 20/21, 8PM | CHAN CENTRE, UBC

VSO Associate Concertmaster Timothy Steeves joins Federico Maria Sardelli, the world’s leading Vivaldi expert, for this wonderful holiday tradition at the beautiful Chan Centre, UBC.

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DEC 15, 2PM | ORPHEUM

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Magical things happen in the holiday season. The VSO and VSO School of Music have a ball with a film concert version of The Snowman, plus much more!

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TEA & TRUMPETS: ST. PETERSBURG IN WINTER

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Christopher Gaze, from Bard on the Beach, and Andrew Crust orchestrate a little Slavic Christmas spirit with excerpts from seasonal works by Tchaikovsky, Rimsky-Korsakov, Glazunov and others. DEC 19 TEA & TRUMPETS SERIES SPONSOR

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18 THE GEORGIA STR AIGHT DECEMBER 12 – 19 / 2019

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arts

Bah Humbug! looks back on its legacy

F

by Janet Smith

or the past 10 years, Bah Humbug! has tried to reflect the community surrounding SFU Woodward’s, the Downtown Eastside, in an authentic way. That’s meant the play-meetsmusical-revue has had to be uniquely flexible in its exploration of the ever-shifting social issues that have gripped Canada’s poorest postal code in the past decade. When the school’s Goldcorp Centre for the Arts opened in 2010, director of cultural programming Michael Boucher wanted to launch a holiday tradition that would connect the new building with its neighbourhood. That led to the commissioning of a musical that reimagines Charles Dickens’s A Christmas Carol for the streets of the Downtown Eastside, complete with a Scrooge who’s a pawnshop owner and a renoviction-happy singleroom-occupancy-hotel landlord. SFU worked closely with Vancouver Moving Theatre and Full Circle: First Nations Performance, two groups already established in the area, to create a show that would integrate professional and community performers. And now, a decade later, with more than $100,000 raised for the Downtown Eastside Heart of the City Festival, the much-evolved production is ready to take its final bow at the end of this run. “Every project has a life cycle, and with this one, we’ve taken it to the peak,” Boucher, who will direct this last installment of Bah Humbug!, tells the Straight over the phone. “Partly because the maturity of the show, now it’s so full-bodied and everyone is in command of what they do.…Without question it has been challenging too. It requires a lot of energy, within the context of our budget and time period. If you’re going to redo it each year, you can’t fall back on what you’ve done; you have to inject it with a new perspective.” Some of that new perspective has come on the aesthetic level. Starting in 2014, well-known local mural artist Richard Tetrault added projections of his expressive woodcut images of Downtown Eastside alleyways, shipping ports, and ravens to the show. As for the score, musical director Bill Costin has switched up its mix of carols and contemporary fare, like Nine Inch Nails, Buffy Sainte-Marie, and the White Stripes, backed by a live band and the Saint James Music

Margo Kane, whose Full Circle: First Nations Performance has been an integral part of Bah Humbug!, reprises her role as narrator.

Academy Youth Choir; this year, Queen’s “Somebody to Love” has been added. “We went to a modern soundtrack to counteract the Christmassy elements,” Boucher explains. But the shifts have also come in subject matter. As Boucher and his colleagues have watched the fentanyl crisis worsen outside the school’s doors, they’ve tried to address that in the story. With the goal of shedding light on issues in the neighbourhood, the creative team has consulted with Don MacPherson, former drug-

policy coordinator for the City of Vancouver and current director of the Canadian Drug Policy Coalition. The references start with making Bob Cratchit a recovering addict. “The Downtown Eastside has slipped further into distress in the past 10 years, and the show has reflected that,” laments Boucher. “At first our focus was on mental health and affordable housing, but now it’s the nature of fentanyl and death on the streets. So for us there’s a role of addressing addiction now.

“It’s the worst it’s ever been— everything’s more aggressive, it’s more infiltrated into the community,” continues Boucher, who has come to his own conclusions about what’s been happening on the streets outside SFU Woodward’s for the past decade. “You can’t capture all of it [on-stage] because it’s a complicated dynamic, but for me, personally, the public has to just come to terms with accepting legalization even if it’s just a matter of time, and deal with it as a mental-health issue. We’ve got to put

a moratorium on illegality and treat it as a massive public-health crisis. It’s about rescue.” Dealing with difficult subject matter is what Bah Humbug! is all about, but the team is careful to make the family show accessible to kids 10 and up, too. As Boucher puts it, “Everyone wants beauty, even in the darkest moments. The show has been a highly redemptive antidote to the crisis in this community.” Bah Humbug!’s final installment features cast members who have made the show their own kind of Christmas tradition, with Tom Pickett reprising Bob Cratchit and blues singer and actor Jim Byrnes back in his role as the old miser. “I would say his portrayal is a definitive one,” Boucher says of the latter. “It’s so richly nuanced and full of angular emotions. The gearshifting is like a Maserati.” Full Circle’s Margo Kane plays the Narrator again, and other prominent Indigenous artists include Sam Bob and Stephen Lytton. Looking back, Boucher sees Bah Humbug! as ahead of its time in the way it has approached the creative process, reaching out to First Nations for input in developing the show in the years before Truth and Reconciliation. Coast Salish spirits infuse the story. “We asked Margo and the First Nations actors to guide us, and that led us to the use of Raven, which sat so well with the ghosts of Dickens,” he recalls. “It’s also a great story of reconciliation and the art of listening—to act on what you’re hearing.” The end of Bah Humbug! might seem to leave a void for those looking for such a locally relevant way to mark the holidays. But fear not: Boucher is helping to develop another project to take its place. But he’ll only hint at the ideas he’ll be exploring over the next year. “There’s a significant hospital that has served this community, and I’d like to look at that impact,” he says. In other words, prepare for another take on the ever-shifting issues affecting the streets outside his doors. g SFU Woodward’s Cultural Programs and Vancouver Moving Theatre, in partnership with Full Circle: First Nations Productions, present Bah Humbug! at the Fei and Milton Wong Experimental Theatre at SFU Woodward’s in the Goldcorp Centre for the Arts until December 21.

Musica intima sings the sacred—and silly

O

by Alexander Varty

f the half-dozen concerts musica intima has booked for this festive season, one is not like the others—and if you guessed that might be the one called Ding Dong!, you’d be right. “We wanted to have a concert for people… who maybe wanted something other than what the traditional Christmas for musica intima would be,” artistic manager Siri Olesen explains, in a telephone interview from the choir’s rehearsal facility at Redeemer Lutheran Church. “So in Ding Dong! it’s a little bit more tongue-in-cheek, and there’s not very much sacred repertoire in it. We’re looking at a different kind of repertoire: some of it can be kind of silly; it’s sung with a jazz trio backing us up; and it’ll be a smaller ensemble, with just eight singers. So it’s a concert where you can come and you can have a glass of wine, and you can laugh. It’s meant to be just a little bit more informal and a little bit more fun, I guess—not that a traditional Christmas isn’t fun!” In other words, if you’re itching to show off your garish new 100-percent-acrylic holiday sweater, you can be assured that there’s no dress code at Ding Dong!. “That’s right,” Olesen confirms, laughing.

Musica intima’s artistic manager, Siri Olesen, says one Christmas concert is not like the other ones.

“Bring your reindeer antlers!” For the choir’s Sing Lullaby concerts, the mood will also be light—but it’s illumination we’re talking about here, not necessarily levity. For these five events, scattered across the

Lower Mainland, Olesen plans on tapping into what she calls “the British choral tradition”, a category that might have as much to do with architecture as ethnicity. “If you think of people going to Christmas Mass in those huge British cathedrals and hearing these ethereal voices coming from the front or from the balcony, singing these beautiful Christmas carols…that’s sort of where this program is coming from,” she explains. “For many people, this is representative of their traditional Christmas sound, even if we’re not necessarily British—and I’m certainly not British! However, this is a sound that seems particularly appropriate for Christmas, and one that a lot of other things have come from. “It’s important to explore all different interpretations of what Christmas means,” she continues, “but every once in a while it’s also nice to go back to something that’s from a particular choral perspective, and certainly that British cathedral tradition makes you think of singers.” When she thinks of singers, however, Olesen is also concerned with broadening the horizon for the exceptional vocalists she gets to work with. Musica intima has a long history of presenting new music as well as classics from the

choral repertoire, and while the ensemble’s Sing Lullaby shows will contain a good number of familiar carols in time-tested arrangements, they’ll also feature works by living British composers Jonathan Dove and James MacMillan, alongside pieces by Vancouver resident Kristopher Fulton and Kingston, Ontario’s John Burge. Part of the plan is to show that there’s a line that leads directly from the establishment of the Anglican Church, and with it a distinctively British form of liturgical music, to present-day choral writing. But Olesen’s main intent is simply to offer a gorgeous, intimate Christmas experience to her listeners. “They’re just stunning pieces,” she says of the contemporary works on the program, “and the texts make them relevant to the season.” g Musica intima presents Ding Dong! at St. James Community Square next Thursday (December 19). Sing Lullaby takes place at Burnaby’s Brentwood Presbyterian Church on Friday (December 13), St. Philip’s Anglican Church on Sunday (December 15), New Westminster’s Knox Presbyterian Church on Tuesday (December 17), Langley’s Shepherd of the Valley Church next Friday (December 20), and Christ Church Cathedral next Saturday (December 21).

DECEMBER 12 – 19 / 2019 THE GEORGIA STR AIGHT 19

ARTS

Mixed Nuts blends B-boy with ballet

C

by Janet Smith

hances are, when young American ballet talent Jacob Williams pictured himself performing in The Nutcracker, it never looked quite like this. For the first show of Mixed Nuts, Arts Umbrella’s annual upending of the classic, he’ll play the lead soldier—the one who’s magically brought to life from the wooden nutcracker doll. He starts to dance with Clara, the girl whose sugarplum dreams are conjuring the action, and then the lights change: all of a sudden he’s busting moves to Missy Elliott at the centre of a hip-hop number, complete with B-boy mice. “In high school I did dance in a hip-hop crew,” says Williams, a native of Vancouver, Washington, who’s in the Arts Umbrella dance program’s graduating class this year. “It’s definitely one of my favourite styles that I get to do. And I love Missy Elliott.” But off-the-hook top rocks are not the only thing you’ll see the student perform in this year’s show, which has a Candyland theme that riffs on the sweet-toothed board game. “By the end of the show, you’ll see me do classical male variations, with double tours and pirouettes,” he says. “There is definitely a switch in how you’re engaging your legs from one to the other. But I’m happy to be warmer: the hip-hop really gets the blood pumping and then I get to present a little more elegant version of dance.” It’s all in a day’s work for a dancer who chose the Vancouver program for just such versatility. Williams discovered ballet relatively late, at 16, after taking a class as part of his community musical-theatre training. Though contemporary ballet has always spoken to him most, he did

Dancer Jacob Williams (centre) shows his versatility in Arts Umbrella’s Mixed Nuts.

a stint at the Oregon Ballet Theatre, where he performed a classic Balanchine Nutcracker. Around that time he heard about the more cutting-edge Ballet BC, and in hopes of auditioning, he sought out Arts Umbrella, a training program closely aligned with the troupe. “I started looking at all the amazing choreographers that come here,” he says, “and then there’s Arty [artistic director Artemis Gordon] herself, who is so personal with us in a way I hadn’t experienced other places.” The contemporary work that Williams does at Arts Umbrella, with the likes of Kidd Pivot’s Crystal Pite and Spanish-born Nacho Duato, ultimately connects with him more than the classical form epitomized by The Nutcracker’s Sugar Plum Fairy and Prince. “I was dancing in the second company in that ballet track, and I’m not necessarily your quintessential male ballet dancer. Lifting all those women—that’s not my body type necessarily,” says Williams, who still loves to take ballet class and gets into the dramatic fantasy of the classical

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form. “So the vocabulary of dance that I maybe see myself doing is contemporary—it allows me to do so much more.” Williams is already scheduling auditions for the new year, on the heels of Mixed Nuts. He’s arranging flights to Europe for January and February, when he’ll try out for such companies as the acclaimed Nederlands Dans Theater 2, and then return here to show his stuff for Ballet BC. But before all that pressure, he’s having fun with Arts Umbrella’s annual holiday show. “We switch parts all the time,” he says of the production’s shifting roles for each performance. “I think most of all it’s just the community of us as dancers doing it all together and cheering each other on—rooting for each other to do well,” he adds. “Especially for the grand pas at the end, we’re all offstage rooting for each other to get the technical parts.” g Arts Umbrella Dance presents Mixed Nuts at the Vancouver Playhouse from Friday to Sunday (December 13 to 15).

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DECEMBER 12 – 19 / 2019 THE GEORGIA STR AIGHT 21

ARTS

Girlfriend recasts music of Matthew Sweet

M

by Janet Smith

THE ANNUAL HOLIDAY TRADITION Vancouver Bach Choir performs

HANDEL’S MESSIAH

December 14 | 7:30pm | Orpheum Theatre Featuring Leslie Dala | Conductor Eve-Lyn de la Haye | Soprano Stephanie Tritchew | Mezzo soprano John Tessier | Tenor Neil Craighead | Bass-baritone With members of the Vancouver Symphony Orchestra

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atthew Sweet’s “Girlfriend” is one of those songs that have an ability to transport you instantly back to an era. The minute you hear the power-pop classic’s chugging guitar rhythms and the line “I wanna love somebody,” you’re back in 1991, when plaid was the uniform, mix tapes were the perfect gift, and slacking was an art form. In fact, the hit, and the album named for it, were about the dissolving of Sweet’s marriage and the start of a new relationship. But we all bring our own different memories to music. And that’s why the new musical Girlfriend is so interesting: it personalizes the sounds of an era in unconventional ways. “Sometimes you listen to a piece of music from a moment of time and it’s like a time capsule,” says Chris Lam, who’s directing and producing Girlfriend for Fighting Chance Productions, speaking over the phone with the Straight before the show’s opening. “The interesting thing about this musical is that it uses this existing music threaded into the play. The author, Todd Almond, uses the music in a really loving way; it’s clear that he loves the music and the music is the way into the language of love.” Girlfriend turns out to be anything but a story about a girlfriend. Instead, set in 1993, it’s about two boys in Nebraska (Sweet’s home state) in their last year of high school, and they’re negotiating their future and their relationship to one another. Featuring just two actors (Julian Galipeau and Scott McGowan) and a fourpiece rock band that acts as a kind of chorus, the show centres intimately on Mike, a popular football player, and Will, a bit of a social outcast. “It feels like a play with music,” explains Lam, who was first intrigued

Julian Galipeau and Scott McGowan star in Girlfriend as two teens who discover feelings for each other as they finish the last year of high school. Photo by Javier R. Sotres

This is one of the best rock musicals I’ve looked into. – Chris Lam

by the new musical when he watched a short trailer for it by California’s Berkeley Repertory Theatre. “The catalyst is that Mike creates a mixed tape of Girlfriend and gives it to this boy Will, and that is kind of the start of their romance. “But it’s Nebraska in 1993, and there are restrictions and limitations on being out and being themselves,” he stresses. “So they don’t carry it out, but they feel something toward each other. It’s a sensitive

story, it’s just them and their relationship and the progression of that. It has a quiet quality to it, but with the music of Matthew Sweet it comes to life for them.” The show keeps Sweet’s original music as raw and guitar-strafed as the original album did. “This is one of the best rock musicals I’ve looked into,” declares Lam, a fan of musicals who’s perhaps best-known for his more dramatic acting and directing work at Ensemble Theatre Company. “It really is pure rock music.” That big sound plays off a tight focus. Girlfriend takes place in the small NEST theatre on Granville Island, with seating divided to create two sides of an alley. “They exist in their own little playing field— isolated in their own bubble,” Lam says. “I felt it’s such an intimate story between the two, let’s not pull away.” g Fighting Chance Productions presents Girlfriend at the NEST on Granville Island until December 21.

CHRISTMAS WITH CHOR LEONI:

ANGELS DANCE

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DECEMBER 12 – 19 / 2019 THE GEORGIA STR AIGHT 23

ARTS LISTINGS ONGOING

WEDNESDAY, DECEMBER 11

EAST VAN PANTO: PINOCCHIO When a lonely old ice-cream vendor is given a puppet by the mysterious Beckwoman of Commercial Drive, his dreams of having a child suddenly come true. To Jan 5, York Theatre. From $26.

CHARLIE BROWN CHRISTMAS The story of one magical recording session in which the music of A Charlie Brown Christmas was created. Dec 11-12, Shadbolt Centre for the Arts. $15-36. STORY STORY LIE: HOT AND HEAVY Unreal stories and one lie told by Sasja Smolders, Paul Anthony, Emily Bilton, Ryan Lachance, and Justine Warrington. Dec 11, 7 pm, Rio Theatre. $12/14. FOX HOLE COMEDY S03E11 Standup comedy show headlined by Savannah Erasmus. Dec 11, 8-10:45 pm, Fox Cabaret. $15. MUSIC FOR THE WINTER SOLSTICE Music on Main presents music for the solstice by Caroline Shaw, Gabriel Kahane, and Rachel Kiyo Iwaasa. Dec 11-12, 8-9:30 pm, Heritage Hall. $42/35/15. BYGONES Out Innerspace Dance Theatre explores themes of transition, conflict, and hope. Dec 11-14, 8 pm, Scotiabank Dance Centre. $35/25. THE SHOE MUST GO ON—A CINDERELLA MUSICAL The Broadway Chorus’s irreverent take on the classic fairy tale. Dec 11-14, 8 pm, Performance Works. $25. MAKING SPIRITS BRIGHT 2019 The Vancouver Men’s Chorus presents its annual holiday show. To Dec 14, 8 pm, St. Paul’s Anglican Church. $40-45.

THE SOUND OF MUSIC Romantic musical about a young woman who takes a governess position with a large family and falls for the widowed father. To Jan 5, Stanley Industrial Alliance Stage. From $39. FADO: THE SADDEST MUSIC IN THE WORLD The story of a young woman confronting her country’s fascist past and her own identity is interwoven with the heartbreaking national music of Portugal. To Dec 14, Firehall Arts Centre. From $25. IT’S A WONDERFUL CHRISTMAS-ISH HOLIDAY MIRACLE Canadian comedy about a blended family during a complicated season. To Dec 22, Goldcorp Stage at the BMO Theatre Centre. From $29. MERRY KISSMASS: A ROYAL ROMANCE Vancouver TheatreSports presents improvised romantic holiday comedy Wed-Sat. To Dec 24, Improv Centre. From $10.75. PETER PAN Adaptation of J.M. Barrie’s classic tale reimagines Peter Pan for the new millennium. To Jan 5, Waterfront Theatre. $18-35. WHERE THE WILD THINGS ARE Highly interactive, guided play experience for ages three to six. To Dec 15, Presentation House Theatre. $22/18/12.50. ONCE UPON A FAIRYTALE Vagabond Players and Capricorn Theatre present a family-friendly musical-comedy of magic and adventure. To Dec 15, 8 pm, The Bernie Legge Theatre. $12-17. A CHRISTMAS CAROL Ron Reed embodies Scrooge and 43 other characters in Dickens’s Christmas story. To Dec 21, 8 pm, Pacific Theatre. $20-36.50. THE TRAGIC COMEDY OF MACBETH A comedic look at Shakespeare’s tragedy, partially scripted and partially improvised. To Dec 15, 7:30-9:30 pm, Jericho Arts Centre. $25/30. MISS BENNET: CHRISTMAS AT PEMBERLEY A comic holiday play with classic Jane Austen charm. To Jan 4, Granville Island Stage. From $29. GIRLFRIEND Pop-rock musical based on the album by Matthew Sweet. To Dec 21, 8-9:30 pm, The Nest. $31/33. HOLIDAY AT THE ELBOW ROOM CAFÉ Zee Zee Theatre presents a holiday tribute to Vancouver’s iconic eatery. Dec 10-29, Historic Theatre. From $26. COCK Mike Bartlett’s battle of wit and persuasion. To Dec 15, Vancity Culture Lab. $20/25. LUZIA Cirque du Soleil presents a poetic and acrobatic ode to the culture of Mexico. To Dec 29, Under the Grand Chapiteau (Big Top), Concord Pacific Place. $39-270. VANCOUVER CHRISTMAS MARKET Authentic German market features more than 80 huts stuffed with sweets, treats, and treasures. To Dec 24, Jack Poole Plaza. $15.

VANCOUVER ART GALLERY aVIKKY ALEXANDER: EXTREME BEAUTY to Jan 26 aROBERT RAUSCHENBERG 1965–1980 to Jan 26 aTRANSITS AND RETURNS to Feb 23 aCINDY SHERMAN to Mar 8 aRAPTURE, RHYTHM AND THE TREE OF LIFE: EMILY CARR AND HER FEMALE CONTEMPORARIES to Jun 28 MUSEUM OF ANTHROPOLOGY AT UBC aIN A DIFFERENT LIGHT: REFLECTING ON NORTHWEST COAST ART to summer 2020 aPLAYING WITH FIRE: CERAMICS OF THE EXTRAORDINARY to Mar 29

MUSEUM OF VANCOUVER aHAIDA NOW: A VISUAL FEAST OF INNOVATION AND TRADITION to April 2020 aTHERE IS TRUTH HERE to Dec 31

24 THE GEORGIA STR AIGHT DECEMBER 12 – 19 / 2019

THURSDAY, DECEMBER 12 JOSEPH AND THE AMAZING TECHNICOLOR DREAMCOAT Reimagining of the biblical story of Joseph, Jacob, and the coat of many colours. Dec 12-31, Gateway Theatre. $29-55. AMIR K Comedian from Orange County performs standup. Dec 12, 8 pm, Yuk Yuk’s Vancouver. $21. LAUGH LEAGUE COMEDY NIGHT Standup comedy featuring Angelica Senger, Erin Jefferies, John Gough, and Natasha Richards. Dec 12, 8-10 pm, Judge Begbie’s Tavern. $5. ASCENSION Student-run production combines dance, music composition, production and design, and film. Dec 12-14, 8-9 pm, SFU Goldcorp Centre for the Arts. $15.

FRIDAY, DECEMBER 13 MIXED NUTS Arts Umbrella Dance Company presents its updated twist on The Nutcracker. Dec 13-15, Vancouver Playhouse. $25/30. DRINK & DRAW Social art event facilitated by Neil Wedman. Dec 13, 6:45-8:30 pm, Mobil Art School. $10. SPIRIT OF BOLLYWOOD Performance by Bollywood dance team Shiamak Vancouver. Dec 13, 7:30 pm, Bell Performing Arts Centre. $22-35. ALICE IN WONDERLAND: THE PANTO Holiday musical pantomime. Dec 13–Jan 4, 7:30 pm, Metro Theatre. $28/18. JOHN HASTINGS Canadian comedian performs two nights of standup. Dec 13-14, Yuk Yuk’s Vancouver. $20/22. A GRAD SCHOOL IMPROV CHRISTMAS MOVIE Improv inspired by classic holiday movies. Dec 13, 8 pm, Little Mountain Gallery. $8/10. THEY’RE HOT New musical comedy-variety show hosted by Danika Thibault, DJ On, and Savannah Erasmus. Dec 13, 8-10 pm, Massy Books. $10/15. COMEDY HERE OFTEN Monthly comedy showcase. Dec 13, 8:30 pm, 604 Records Studios. $10/12.

SATURDAY, DECEMBER 14 FINAL AND FAREWELL SHINY FUZZY MUDDY SHOW Annual artist-curated collection of fine art, craft, and design. Dec 14-15, 11 am–6 pm, Heritage Hall. $4.

Arts

HOT TICKET

IT’S A WONDERFUL LIFE

(December 19 to January 5 at the Anvil Centre) Revisiting the Gateway Theatre’s 2018 show, Patrick Street Productions’ artistic producer Peter Jorgensen has adapted the holiday classic It’s a Wonderful Life for the stage in a show that also serves as a celebration of songs from the era. Musical standards by the Gershwins, Kurt Weill, and more interweave with holiday carols, bringing a fun new layer to the vintage story of a 200-year-old angel trying to save George Bailey’s soul.

WINTER CELEBRATIONS

(December 18 to January 5 at the Anvil Centre) New West’s shiny arts centre pulls out all the stops during the holidays, with free family entertainment and activities from 10 a.m. onwards on most of the 14 days. For kids, we’re talking dance, arts and crafts, storytelling, circus, and juggling arts. Look also for art installations and musical performances, with appearances by acts like Marcus Mosely, the Sojourners, and Will Sanders. Note that Peach Cobblah hosts a Solstice Pride Ball on December 21. And our vote for the best-named event? The comedy show Festivus for the NewWest of Us. g WOUND UP IN ONE-ACTS Theatre In the Raw presents a one-act mini-fest. Dec 14-15, 7:30-10 pm, Spartacus Books. $15/12. NUTCRACKER SUITE Karen Flamenco Dance Co. performs to Tchaikovsky’s classic work. Dec 14, 3-4 pm, 5-6 pm, Improv Centre. $20. SMALL STAGE URBAN BALLET Dance inspired by Tchaikovsky’s iconic ballets. Dec 14-15, 4 pm, The Shipyards. Free. ALL IS BRIGHT The Vancouver Youth Choir performs a holiday show. Dec 14, 7:30 pm, Chan Centre for the Performing Arts. $10-25. AMID THE SNOW The Vancouver City Singers perform a selection of holiday songs. Dec 14, 7:30-9 pm, Knox United Church. $20. SIMON KING Local comedian tapes his new standup-comedy special. Dec 14, 8 pm, 10:30 pm, Biltmore Cabaret. $20. BIG LAUGHS COMEDY Standup comedy featuring headliner Dylan Rhymer. Dec 14, 8 pm, Cravings Restaurant and Lounge. $12.

see page 27

movies

Twisty mystery is clued in about class by Ken Eisner

REVIEWS KNIVES OUT

Starring Daniel Craig. In English, Spanish, and Italian, with English subtitles. Rated PG

d THE FORBIDDING red-brick house that holds all the humans in Knives Out is as much a character as anyone in this beyond-twisty tale of murder most fun. Like that mansion in The Haunting and the old hotel in The Shining, it’s not just a malevolent collector of our subconscious dreads and dreams. It’s also a celebration of storytelling itself—the fire-pit pastime that keeps us alive while we stare down the darkness. To start with, there is an old woman who lives in this shoe: a something-genarian (TV veteran K Callan) whose son, a fabulously successful mystery writer called Harlan Thrombey, meets a fitting end on his own 85th birthday. Harlan is played by Christopher Plummer, so that tells you he won’t be gone long, regardless of how he died. His spooky New England manor is where local police interview the gathered suspects, I mean the grieving family. This includes an ecumenical council of roving resentments played by, among others, Don Johnson, Jamie Lee Curtis, Michael Shannon, Chris Evans, and Toni Collette. One of the movie’s galloping gags has every member of the clan naming a different Latin-American country as the birthplace of Dad’s beloved nurse,

VIFF‘19

Jamie Lee Curtis is one of the suspects in Rian Johnson’s Knives out; lovers go on the run in Melina Matsoukas’s Queen & Slim.

Marta—except Cuba, where up-andcomer Ana de Armas is actually from. Class assumptions drive all the characters here except for the real detective (reminiscent of the existential sleuths of Agatha Christie and Arthur Conan Doyle, with a touch of Graham Greene) in the form of Benoit Blanc. This tweedy gumshoe is played by Daniel Craig with a mint-julep accent that gives the whole thing a Midnight in the Garden of Good and Evil vibe, to offset the New England chill. Everyone’s alibis, excuses, and grand assertions are projected onto Blanc’s genteel screen, and the audience can draw on countless murder

mysteries and real-crime stories to sort it out—and be wrong more than half the time. The movie’s slickest sleight of hand comes as writer-director Rian Johnson, taking a breather between Star Wars movies, gradually begins lacing his highballs with the bitters drawn from today’s grotesque social divides. That he manages to do this in such a hugely entertaining format, and in more than two hours of loop-de-loops, is down to his contagious delight in the power of shared stories themselves, regardless what brow they come from. Sure, the movie has literary pretensions, but while its people may

name-check Thomas Pynchon, they spend more time with Hallmark movies and Murder, She Wrote. This celluloid castle is built on countless tall tales, daily reinvented and seemingly as immortal as that ancient mother in the tower—the one who knows exactly when to spill the beans. QUEEN & SLIM

Starring Jodie Turner-Smith. Rated 14A

d THE TIMELINESS and powerful intentions of Queen & Slim are inarguable, as are the talents on display. And the slickly shot movie has the kind of audaciousness people are

yearning for right now. Two happening Brits, Get Out star Daniel Kaluuya and Jett’s Jodie Turner-Smith, go American again to play the title characters, known only by their nicknames. Queen’s a lawyer and he’s a—well, we know he’s a Christian and a nondrinker, but not that much else. Their first date, a lessthan-tender Tinder affair, is already going wrong when he gives her a ride home and gets waylaid by an obviously sadistic white cop (country rocker Sturgill Simpson, no less). It’s no spoiler to say that this beginning ends badly, and the duo goes on the run. Strangely enough, this bang-boom start only lowers the stakes for the remaining two hours of an interstate car journey that takes them from Ohio to the Deep South. The filmmakers say they wanted to follow the Underground Railroad in reverse, while observing a budding romance against the backdrop of chain gangs, rigid social rules, and steamy swamps—moral and otherwise. Lena Waithe, a first-time feature writer, and director Melina Matsoukas worked together on “Thanksgiving”, the most arresting episode of the great Netflix series Master of None. Matsoukas has since helmed multiple installments of HBO’s Insecure, as well as key music videos for Beyoncé, Rihanna, and other top artists. There are some terrific set pieces here, along with smart nods to Langston Hughes and other touchstones of African-American history, including a visit to an antique-style see next page

VIFF‘19

DECEMBER 12 – 19 / 2019 THE GEORGIA STR AIGHT 25

Anthony Hopkins and Jonathan Pryce go head to head as rival pontiffs deciding the fate of the Catholic Church in The Two Popes.

from previous page

roadhouse, with Little Freddie King performing old-school blues. Elsewhere, everyone from Lauryn Hill to Earth, Wind & Fire provides musical momentum. But the movie remains curiously static, with little urgency to remind us of the peril our fugitives are facing. Queen and Slim, now nationally recognized outlaws, meet plenty of interesting characters along the way, and the filmmakers are careful to subvert expectations about the “types” they encounter. For all that, though, the leads grow more remote—icons, not intimates, you could say. Kaluuya’s mannerisms (the crouch and the glare) grow thin, and there are rookie filmmaking missteps, too, like the clichéd intercutting between the new twosome’s first sexual experience and a violent social protest miles away. The rest of the story is seen through their eyes, so it’s weird to break away to a (poorly filmed) event they don’t even know about. But such is the burden of iconography; symbols must carry far more weight than people do. And sometimes they can’t quite leave the page. THE TWO POPES

Starring Anthony Hopkins and Jonathan Pryce. In English, Spanish, and Italian, with English subtitles. Rated PG

d THE TWO Popes is about much, much more than a pair of superannuated divinity students trying to bridge two seemingly different

HAVE YOU BEEN TO...

ways of looking at life. It focuses on the real-life tug of war between rival pontiffs, played out in history both recent and ancient. The recent part centres on 2013 Rome, where we meet Joseph Ratzinger, the ultraconservative, German-born cardinal who became Pope Benedict, played here by Anthony Hopkins. He will ultimately yield his Vatican throne to Argentina’s reform-minded Jorge Bergoglio, as assayed by Jonathan Pryce. Both men bury their English mannerisms in favour of the alternately Teutonic and Latinate demands of their roles. Larger forces—fascism versus liberation, cynical worldliness against spirituality, et cetera— dominate a cinematic chess match envisioned by screenwriter Anthony McCarten, the New Zealander behind such pop-historical studies as the science-minded The Theory of Everything, the Churchillian Darkest Hour, and the Mercurial Bohemian Rhapsody. Although Benedict, then 85, cited advanced age as cause for early retirement, the movie suggests that banking scandals and the ongoing child-abuse crisis were behind it. Furthermore, McCarten claims that the old-timer sees in the Jesuit Bergoglio (only nine years younger) a progressive way forward for the dwindling Catholic Church. When the latter is summoned from Buenos Aires to an unexpected papal audience, he discovers that his cranky superior has hidden depths, including a love of music that extends to the movie itself, which uses snippets of every-

The Cinematheque December 12–18 Agnès Varda Film Club Iranian Cinema Frames of Mind gift giving & festivities

Red Card Sports Bar redcardsportsbar.ca

Sas & Ing canadian-visa-lawyer.com

Vancouver International Jazz Festival coastaljazz.ca

Chickpea ilovechickpea.ca 26 THE GEORGIA STR AIGHT DECEMBER 12 – 19 / 2019

thing from ABBA and the Beatles to Mozart and Smetana to comment on theological dichotomies. This is also a two-way confessional, although there’s very little of Ratzinger’s story, perhaps because his childhood in Nazi Germany is already so familiar, and because his particulars don’t lend themselves to a clear-cut narrative. (Conscripted into the Hitler Youth, the boy ignored his duties, and his father—a Munich policeman—was a vocal anti-Nazi.) There’s far more time given to Bergoglio’s ambiguous sojourn through his nation’s cruel dictatorship, focusing on his inability, as a top Jesuit, to protect the more than 30,000 innocent people tortured and killed by the military. He himself was eventually exiled, and we get extended f lashbacks, with Zama’s Juan Minujín as the young cleric, showing the brutal dissolution of normal life in a terror state. This sometimes plodding concentration of detail is a reminder that the two-hour tale was directed, quite colourfully, by City of God’s Fernando Meirelles. He’s obviously mindful that his beloved Brazil is now led by a president who expresses eager nostalgia for the worst parts of South American history, and calls the current pope “a Communist meddler” for speaking out on behalf of the Amazon. In the end, the multilingual movie can be viewed as an advanced acting class, a truncated history lesson, or—most unusually—a call to locate what holiness remains af loat in this fetid ocean of sin. g

Image: Agnès Varda

December 12 December 12, 14, 15 December 13, 14, 16 December 13 & 15 December 14 December 15 December 15 & 16 December 18

Agnès Varda Opening Night! The Gleaners and I (G) Cleo from 5 to 7 (PG) La Pointe Courte The Gleaners and I: Two Years Later The Wizard and Oz (G) Orange Days Day One (G)

1131 Howe Street, Vancouver thecinematheque.ca

straight.com

MOVIES

Antigone sweeps at Whistler Sophie Deraspe’s film takes four out of five Borsos awards as festival wraps by Adrian Mack

Tree of Giving

UNTIL Dec. 23 Pick a card from the Tree of Giving at Kingsgate Mall and help make a needy child’s wish come true this Christmas! Take a card from the tree located near Mark’s – it tells you the age and gender of the child and their special interests. Find a suitable gift and place it (unwrapped + tag attached) in our Tree of Giving House. Our elves will ensure it is delivered in time to create Christmas memories. Thanks to the generosity of our community over 1,500 gifts were collected last year.

Co-Sponsored by

Broadway Youth Centre, Children’s Corner, Florence Nightingale, Mt. Pleasant + Seymour Elementary Schools, Kimount Boys & Girls Clubs and the Georgia Straight

Corner of Kingsway & East Broadway 30 SHOPS & SERVICES | www.kingsgatemall.com Along with awards for best Canadian film, screenplay, and direction, Nahéma Ricci was honoured for best performance.

d THE WHISTLER Film Festival wrapped its 19th edition last Sunday (December 8) with Antigone emerging as the big winner. Described by the jury as a “stunning, provocative film that captures the heartbreaking and complex realities of immigration”, writer-director Sophie Deraspe’s reimagining of Sophocles in modern Montreal received four of the five Borsos Competition awards, taking best Canadian film along with best-director and best-screenplay honours and a best-performance nod for Nahéma Ricci. Deraspe also shared the EDA award for best femaledirected feature with Sarah Megan Thomas (Liberté: A Call to Spy). The remaining Borsos award was given to cinematographer Celiana Cárdenas for her work in The Cuban. Daniel Roher’s Once Were Brothers: Robbie Robertson and the Band was named best world documentary, with an honourable mention going to Pandora’s Box: Lifting the Lid on Menstruation. In the category of best B.C. director, Tony Dean Smith took a well-deserved trophy for his work on the Vancouver-shot sci-fi thriller Volition. Presenting on behalf of the Directors Guild of Canada, filmmaker Zach Lipovsky stated: “Tony shows complete control and mastery of this twisting, mind-bending thriller, and is an

incredible representation of the surge in directing talent coming from B.C.” The doc Coming Home was named best mountain-culture film. Further prizes were handed to the shorts “My Favourite Food Is Indian Tacos, My Favourite Drink Is Iced Tea and My Favourite Thing Is Drumming” (Canadian), “New Washing Machine” (B.C.), and “Daughter” (international).

Movies

TIP SHEET

d CLEO FROM 5 TO 7 This essential work arrives on Friday (December 13) for its first screening at the Cinematheque’s timely Agnès Varda retrospective. d FANTASTIC FUNGI Can mushrooms save the planet? Find out when this doc screens at the Rio on Friday and Monday (December 13 and 16). d FILM STUDIES:

METROPOLITAN SFU

communications lecturer Steven Malcic introduces Whit Stillman’s 1990 comedy at the Vancity Theatre on Wednesday (December 18).

from page 24

THURSDAY, DECEMBER 19

SUNDAY, DECEMBER 15

THE (MUSICAL!) BEAST OF MT. SEYMOUR Modern panto about a friendly sasquatch, written by Toph Whitmore. Dec 19–Jan 4, Deep Cove Shaw Theatre. $18.

HELP WANTED Improv comedy show inspired by real job ads. Dec 14, 8-9:30 pm, Presentation House Theatre. $10-15.

FAMILY CHRISTMAS CONCERT Laudate Singers’ annual fun concert for young kids and their families. Dec 15, 2-3 pm, West Vancouver Memorial Library. Free. THE SCRAWNY SHOW Comedy show to benefit the Greater Vancouver Food Bank. Dec 15, 7:30 pm, ANZA Club. Two nonperishable food items or $8 online. CHRISTMAS STORIES Hear holiday classics and offerings from local writers and storytellers. Dec 15, 7:30 pm, Café Deux Soleils. $10. TINDER TALES: 12 DATES OF CHRISTMAS Twelve comedians share real dating stories. Dec 15, 8 pm, Yuk Yuk’s Vancouver. $15/18.

MONDAY, DECEMBER 16 MONDAY NIGHT COMEDY SHOW Standup comedy with headliner Simon King. Dec 16, 7 pm, The Morrissey Pub. $7/10.

WEDNESDAY, DECEMBER 18 THE KETTLE CHOIR Singers facing adversity spread holiday cheer. Dec 18, 12-1 pm, Harbour Centre. Free. A JAZZY, JOYFUL CHRISTMAS The Vancouver Children’s Choir presents a cabaret-style evening of jazzy, joyful Christmas music. Dec 18, 6:15 pm, Christ Church Cathedral . $75. SLACKS: THE CHRISTMAS SHOW Live sitcom centering around four queer women living in East Vancouver. Dec 18-21, 7:30 pm, Havana. $21. BEERS & CHEERS Comedy variety show featuring standup, improv, and sketch comedy. Dec 18, 8:30-9:30 pm, Café Deux Soleils. $10 or by donation.

IT’S A WONDERFUL LIFE Peter Jorgensen’s musical adaptation of the holiday favourite. Dec 19–Jan 5, Anvil Centre. $29-40. CHRIS BOSE Writer and artist reads from his new multidisciplinary novella N’shaytkin. Dec 19, 12-1 pm, Massy Books. Free. DIRTY JOKES Crude comedy show hosted by Sam Tonning. Dec 19, 8 pm, Yuk Yuk’s Vancouver. $15/20. COEXISDANCE: WESTERN EDITION #2 Dance artists and musicians share short improvised works. Dec 19, 8 pm, Scotiabank Dance Centre. Suggested donation $15.

FRIDAY, DECEMBER 20 GOH BALLET’S THE NUTCRACKER Annual ballet performance of the holiday classic. Dec 20-22, Queen Elizabeth Theatre . $37-139. VANCOUVER CHAMBER CHOIR: A ROSE IN THE MIDDLE OF WINTER Musical traditions of Northern Europe and beyond. Dec 20, 7:30 pm, Pacific Spirit United Church. $15/29/33. A WONDERHEADS CHRISTMAS CAROL A whimsical reimagining of the holiday classic. Dec 20, 7:30-8:45 pm, Kay Meek Arts Centre. $22-46. JAMES KENNEDY Canadian comedian performs two nights of standup. Dec 20, 8 pm; Dec 20, 10:30 pm; Dec 21, 7 pm; Dec 21, 9:30 pm, Yuk Yuk’s Vancouver. $20/22.

SATURDAY, DECEMBER 21 NEW WEST CRAFT Shop for handmade goods of over 35 artists and makers. Dec 21, 11 am–4 pm, River Market. Free.

KAZIK RADWANSKI GIVES FREE VIFF TALK d NEW FILMMAKERS under 30 are encouraged to visit the Vancity Theatre on Saturday (December 14) for a strong double-header of screenings followed by 45-minute artist talks. The event starts at 10:30 a.m. with Antoine Bourges’s Fail to Appear, a film that moved the Georgia Straight to declare, when it first played at VIFF: “Behold transcendental cinema, 2017!” Following Bourges, director Kazik Radwanski presents Anne at 13,000 ft, which won accolades this year at both the Toronto and Vancouver international film festivals, as well as attracting the attention of Guardian critic Wendy Ide, who singled out actor Deragh Campbell for special praise in her roundup of TIFF’s best. Campbell, who also takes the lead in Fail to Appear, graced the cover of the Georgia Straight during this year’s VIFF, while filmmakers Radwanski and Bourges both belong to Toronto’s insurgent community of young artists making microbudgeted work on the margins of the mainstream film industry, and winning critical hosannas along the way. In that spirit, Saturday’s event is free. Sign up now at viff.org/. g CHRISTMAS WITH CHOR LEONI: ANGELS DANCE Chor Leoni is joined by the emerging professional dancers of Arts Umbrella’s Performance Research Project. Dec 21, 4 pm, 8 pm, Orpheum Theatre. $20-45 (students $10). N’SHAYTKIN BOOK LAUNCH Battery opera books presents the launch of Chris Bose’s new book. Dec 21, 7 pm, Grunt Gallery. Free. BLOODFEUD: REINDEER GAMES Local standup comedians and improv artists perform. Dec 21, 7:30-10 pm, Little Mountain Gallery. $10.

SUNDAY, DECEMBER 22 FESTIVE CANTATAS: CHRISTMAS IN GABRIELI’S VENICE Experience the sounds of motets from two to 15 voices, as well as sonatas and canzonas for cornetti, trombones, and strings. Dec 22, 3 pm, Chan Centre for the Performing Arts. THE NUTCRACKER Royal City Youth Ballet Company presents the holiday classic. Dec 22, Massey Theatre. $34-49. N’SHAYTKIN Battery opera books presents a reading by Chris Bose of his new release. Dec 22, 1 pm, Boombox. Free. FESTIVAL OF NINE LESSONS AND CAROLS Readings and music chosen to highlight characters in the Christmas story. Dec 22, 4:30-6 pm, Christ Church Cathedral. THE WRONG SHOW’S TWISTED CHRISTMAS PARTY Outrageously dysfunctional Christmas fun featuring Ana Bon-Bon. Dec 22, 8-10:30 pm, At the Waldorf. $15-20. ARTS LISTINGS are a public service provided free of charge, based on available space and editorial discretion. Submit events online using the event-submission form at straight.com/AddEvent. Events that don’t make it into the paper due to space constraints will appear on the website.

> Go on-line to read hundreds of I Saw You posts or to respond to a message < I WAS CHECKING OUT YOUR DOG

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BEAUTIFUL BLONDE AT HAVANA ON COMMERCIAL DRIVE

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I SAW A: I AM A: WHEN: DECEMBER 10, 2019 WHERE: Main St.

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(I think) You were checking out my bike. Bike ride to dog parks? I was unlocking my bike. You were walking your dog, going south. Which shop did I walk out of and what colour is my bike?

WAITING FOR THE BATHROOM AT UNCLE ABE’S

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I SAW A: I AM A: WHEN: NOVEMBER 8, 2019 WHERE: Uncle Abe’s

ROBSON SQUARE SKATING BLONDE

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I SAW A: I AM A: WHEN: DECEMBER 8, 2019 WHERE: Robson Square Ice Skating

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I SAW A: I AM A: WHEN: SEPTEMBER 21, 2019 WHERE: Stanley Park Hi John, I was taking a video while riding my bike at Stanley Park, and you told me to be careful or I would fall. We had a very nice conversation for like 20 minutes and then, you asked me if I would rather be alone. I got nervous, so I told you yes. You were so nice, and I feel like I should had kept talking with you. Hope you see this. Andrea

YVR AIRPORT SKYTRAIN

You were the vivacious, lively, blonde dressed all in black who was at Robson Square ice skating with 4 of your friends. You made a comment to your friends about my cool green stripped power pants! I was there with 4 of my friends as well but you came off the ice before I had a chance to catch up to you and say hello! So, I'm attempting to do it now!

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SILENT CONNECTION

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I SAW A: I AM A: WHEN: DECEMBER 6, 2019 WHERE: King George to Waterfront

TD ATM KINGSWAY & KNIGHT

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JOHN ROLLER SKATES AT STANLEY PARK

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CUTE GIRL ON CAMBIE BRIDGE

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I SAW A: I AM A: WHEN: DECEMBER 2, 2019 WHERE: Cambie Bridge I really don't expect this to work but I was just sorta walking along Cambie Bridge in a black winter jacket wearing glasses and you smiled at me.

DANNY FROM IKEA

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I SAW A: I AM A: WHEN: NOVEMBER 16, 2019 WHERE: IKEA Richmond I was having my first day of orientation on Saturday (Nov 16) and you answered the buzzer to let me in. I couldn’t help but notice you at the front desk for S&S office. I was the short Asian girl with the black beanie hat and blue puffy jacket, wearing Timberlands. I realized that I really liked you and I really hoped to see/talk to you again, or maybe we can hang out? I really like your tattoos and I remember that day, you thought it was 5:30 and you got off work, but it was actually 4:30 and then you had to come back up. I was sitting on the couch. A few days later, I overheard you saying that it was your last day. I was quite disappointed. I hope I will get to see you again. If it’s really you, could you please tell me what code 1000 in reception means, which department you worked in, also a description of yourself and what the emergency hotline/number is? (the number that will be given first priority). I posted before on different sites and someone replied but I wasn’t sure if it was actually you so I’m going to try this again.

BCAA BRAD

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I SAW A: I AM A: WHEN: DECEMBER 2, 2019 WHERE: East 8th Ave You came to tow my car to the shop but realized I just needed a new battery and called for one to be delivered. I was disheveled and too shy to flirt with you, I really regret that.

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music

Finding gold amid the Christmas crap by John Lucas and Mike Usinger

H

ave you seen this week’s Billboard album chart? We’ll save you the trouble of looking for it and tell you that there are a lot of holiday albums on it, the highest-charting of which is hometown hero Michael Bublé’s eight-yearold Christmas LP. The Top 20 alone is filled with seasonal releases from Nat King Cole, Bing Crosby, Frank Sinatra, and other performers who died decades before anyone reading this was born. If you’re getting the impression that the listening public isn’t exactly hungry for brand-new Christmas albums, you’re right, which doesn’t bode all that well for most of the 2019 releases reviewed below. As usual, the best ones get a wrapped gift, the so-so stuff gets tighty whiteys, and the crapola gets a Charlie Brown tree. (Maybe all it needs is a little love, but it isn’t getting it from us.)

a hockey puck should add a few Hanukkah-themed tracks to our holiday playlists. Yo La Tengo’s loungetastic “Eight Candles” and HAIM’s dreamy take on Leonard Cohen’s “If It Be Your Will” are among the highlights of Hanukkah+, which, interestingly, includes a number of tracks by non-Jews, including Loudon Wainwright III and the Flaming Lips. Hey, if Idina Menzel and Neil Diamond can release Christmas albums, why not? JL LEAH

Ancient Winter (Independent)

BING CROSBY AND THE LONDON SYMPHONY ORCHESTRA Bing at Christmas (Decca)

Forty years after his death, Bing Crosby remains a oneman Christmas-music industry. His catalogue of seasonal selections isn’t a bottomless pit, however. You can only repackage and reissue the same songs so many times, so some bright spark decided that what the public has really been clamouring for is a version of “White Christmas” sweetened up with layered backing vocals by Pentatonix, or a mix of the David Bowie duet “Peace on Earth/ Little Drummer Boy” in which both singers’ voices are all but drowned out by newly recorded symphonic strings. The whole point of blowing the dust off those antique Crosby LPs every year is that they sound exactly the same as they did when you were a kid (and when your grandparents were kids, for that matter). The lesson here is that when something is timeless, it doesn’t need updating. JL OAK RIDGE BOYS

Down Home Christmas (Lightning Rod)

New albums by (clockwise from left) Ana Gasteyer, Los Lobos, and Robson Singers are worth your while this holiday season.

which of course means superb musicianship—these guys have spent decades touring, after all— replete with multipart vocal harmonies and the band’s signature horn arrangements. Yet somehow the whole enterprise feels slick and soulless. With the possible exception of the aforementioned uncle, no one is going to be filling their seasonal playlists with instantly forgettable Chicago originals like “(Because) It’s Christmastime” and “I’m Your Santa Claus”. Oddly, the latter tune lifts the hook from Donny Hathaway’s “This Christmas”, which is a song Chicago recorded for one of its previous Christmas albums, so maybe originals isn’t really the right word. JL LEA MICHELE

Christmas in the City (Sony)

For most of us, Christmas in the city means three hours of snow followed by the kind of slush-soup shitshow that makes you wish you’d put on Night Cat Fishing Waders before leaving the house. For Glee alumna Lea Michele, however, Xmas in the Big Smoke seems to be about crimson-red party dresses, ice skating by the Christmas tree at Rockefeller Center, and 11 a.m. mimosas at Ai Fiori. All of which is to say that if you love the overglossy work of Barbra Streisand on A Christmas Album, this needlessly slick and entirely soulless outing is the next best thing to rose-coloured glasses. As a major Babs fan, Michele subscribes to the theory that there’s no need to consort with the scumbags and maggots of “Fairytale of New York” when you’ve got the lily-white virgins of “Silent Night”. MU

Not to cast aspersions on the grooming habits of our fellow human beings, but at least one member of the Oak Ridge Boys looks like he could really use a MayBeau Beard Grooming and Trimming Kit, not to mention a Husqvarna hedge trimmer for the initial cleanup. The veteran Tennessee shitkickers’ gift to the MAGA crowd this year is a mainstream-country holiday collection that sounds weirdly like a Saturday Night Live parody skit, with an appearance by an overemoting Adam Sandler the only thing missing from the ham-fisted “The Family Piano”. Offering up tracks like “Angels” and “Reindeer on the Roof”, the group seems to realize that no one wants to hear “Jingle Bells” covered for the 9,000th time. One has to wonder, however, why anyone would include a song like “Don’t Go Pullin’ on Santa Claus’ Beard” when they should ANA GASTEYER really be warning kids to steer clear of Sugar & Booze (Henry’s Girl, Inc.) William Lee Golden. MU Ana Gasteyer gets it. Christmas is all about CHICAGO CHRISTMAS Chicago Christmas (Rhino) sustaining that sugarand-alcohol buzz every Somewhere out there in waking minute until the holidays the world, someone’s are over. That’s the none-too-subtle uncle would really ap- message of this album’s title track, preciate this. (Said uncle stubborn- and we say “Right on, sister!” Backed ly refuses to lop off his ponytail by a tight jazz combo, the former and won’t shut up about the time he Saturday Night Live cast member almost caught one of Mark Knop- goes for a strictly vintage sound fler’s guitar picks back in ’85.) It here, throwing back to the hepcat sounds like a Chicago record, 1950s and early ’60s. If, like us, you’re 28 THE GEORGIA STR AIGHT DECEMBER 12 – 19 / 2019

convinced that there’s no cooler Christmas song than June Christy’s recording of “The Merriest”, Gasteyer is probably on your wavelength. Actually, she takes a crack at that one herself, and while it can’t quite match the effortless urbanity of the original, let’s give Gasteyer points for trying. JL ROBBIE WILLIAMS

The Christmas Present (Columbia)

Because Robbie Williams seems like the kind of guy who’d fart at Christmas Mass and then refuse to ’fess up, it’s understandable you want to hate The Christmas Present. When he wasn’t tormenting poor old Jimmy Page with house renovations, the former Take That boy-bander took the time to get things right when he booked the studio earlier this year for The Christmas Present. “Winter Wonderland” has a decidedly widescreen-retro vibe, “Merry Xmas Everybody” smells like Beach Boys– brand California surf, and “Let’s Not Go Shopping” does faux Sinatra with a panache that Seth MacFarlane would appreciate. If not for the inexcusably execrable “Millennium” from a few years back (not to mention his probable church farting), all would be forgiven. MU DIONNE WARWICK

Dionne Warwick & the Voices of Christmas (Kind Music)

Dionne Warwick turns 79 this week, so it would be unfair to expect the veteran performer to sound the same as the 24-year-old who sang “Walk on By” in 1964. Her voice is a little deeper and rougher around the edges, but Warwick can certainly still sell a lyric, even one as inconsequential as “Rudolph the RedNosed Reindeer”. Some of the artistic choices here are downright weird—including a love-me-down slow-jam version of “White Christmas” featuring octogenarian Johnny Mathis and a sleigh-ride-to-thehonky-tonk take on “Jingle Bells” with John Rich, the Oak Ridge Boys, and Ricky Skaggs—but the repertoire is so unimaginative that it seems as if someone selected it by Googling “Top 12 most popular Christmas songs”. JL

KACEY MUSGRAVES

The Kacey Musgraves Christmas Show (MCA Nashville)

If you haven’t already watched the Amazon Prime show to which it serves as the soundtrack, this album won’t make much sense. Some of the songs—including duets with James Corden and Fred Armisen—feature comedy bits that rely heavily on visual gags. Mind you, they weren’t that funny to begin with, nor were the interludes with Dan Levy. The biggest problem is Musgraves herself, who is fantastic when singing her own songs (like the suitably weepy “Christmas Makes Me Cry”) but whose attempts to tackle the classics (like “Have Yourself a Merry Little Christmas”) are about as spirited and lively as your Uncle Randy after downing his ninth glass of glühwein. JL LOS LOBOS

Llegó Navidad (Rhino)

Sometimes the vibe is everything, which makes things potentially tricky when it comes to Los Lobos’ relentlessly tasteful Llegó Navidad. Those of the opinion that Christmas is supposed to be about snowy mountains and skating on frozen ponds will be instantly put off by the fact “It’s Christmas Time in Texas” sounds like a rollicking night at an Austin barbecue joint. Those happy to escape winter for climates where folks go Xmas-tree shopping in shorts and flip-flops, meanwhile, will completely love the faux-calypso flavour of “¿Dónde Está Santa Claus?”. Oh, and there’s a cover of “Feliz Navidad”—but you already knew that—in which Los Lobos are smart enough to turn an overplayed standard into something that sounds, joyously and authentically, like an extended family sing-along in East Los Angeles. MU VARIOUS ARTISTS

Hanukkah+ (Verve Forecast)

Given that most of the songs we consider bona fide Christmas classics were written by Jewish tunesmiths like Irving Berlin, Johnny Marks, and Mel Tormé, it somehow seems right that we who wouldn’t know a matzo ball from

Vancouver’s Leah describes herself as a symphonic metal artist, which makes her sound a little like a Great White North solo version of the Trans-Siberian Orchestra. Ancient Winter is way classier than that, taking you to a world of pristine, snow-covered forest clearings and black cliffs that tower over remote, windswept oceans. Sounding like the best parts of Enya, Led Zeppelin, and Dead Can Dance, the album-opening “The Whole World Summons” gets maximum dramatic effect out of groaning cello and crystalline keyboards. Elsewhere, Leah’s ethereally multitracked vocals make “The Messenger” the perfect soundtrack for star-gazing on cold December nights. It’s all crazily beautiful in the most transportive of ways, which is to say that if you need a break from “Frosty the Snowman” or “Rudolph the RedNosed Reindeer”, let Leah be your guide. MU ROBSON SINGERS

Christmas (Independent)

Sure, there’s a new Pentatonix Christmas album this year—when isn’t there?—but for some seasonal a cappella music without the studio slickness, think local. Listening to Vancouver’s own Robson Singers (Dayna Coulter, Katie Henthorne, Maria Krause, and Tricia Coleman) is the next best thing to having carollers show up at your door. Which, let’s be honest, is about as likely to happen in 2019 as a jolly fat man hopping into your fireplace to deliver a brand-new Nintendo Switch and the keys to a Tesla CyberTruck. With repertoire ranging from medieval carols (“Gabriel’s Message”) to 21st-century indie rock (Fleet Foxes’ “White Winter Hymnal”), Robson Singers offer something for everyone—including the Greater Vancouver Food Bank, which will receive all proceeds from the sale of this album, which you can find on Bandcamp.com. JL PENTATONIX

The Best of Pentatonix Christmas (RCA)

Jesus H. bearded Christ on a candy-fucking-cane crutch—who the hell listens to this shit? There’s a reason the Arlington, Texas, a cappella group has inspired web forums like “who the hell is buying all these pentatonix albums” and “20 Worst Christmas Songs Ever Written” and “Watch Pentatonix Ruin a Song You Used to Like”. For the last one, start with The Best of Pentatonix Christmas’s mangling of “Dance of the Sugar Plum Fairy”, and then accept the fact that no amount of liquor can ever steel you for the crap-splattered rendition of “You’re a Mean One, Mr. Grinch”. MU g

MUSIC

It’s beginning to sound like Keithmas A rock icon’s birthday is a good excuse for a loud party that gives back to the community by Mike Usinger

Q

uite understandably, John Hewer is both a little nervous and extra-excited about what started out as an excuse for a drunken party and evolved into one of the city’s best-loved Christmasseason traditions. When the Georgia Straight rings him at home, it’s eight days before the birthday of Keith Richards, who—against all odds and known medical guidelines—will be turning 76 on December 18. It’s also four days before this year’s edition of Keithmas, which began a decade ago as a small, and appropriately booze-soaked, celebration of both Christmas and the birthday of one of rock’s most beloved showmen. “If you go back and dig far enough around, the event was not Keithmas in the beginning,” Hewer, who is Keithmas’s cofounder, says with a laugh. “In its initial inception, it was ‘Let’s celebrate Keith Richards’ birthday. And Christmas.’ But by the time the event happened, it was being called Keithmas. I’ll take credit for driving the Keithmas bus—I kept calling the night Keithmas and it just stuck. It was Christmastime, and we wanted a musical hook. We thought, ‘Who are some of our favourite artists?’ and then we checked their birthdays. The first year we had it on Keith’s actual birthday, and ever since then it’s hovered around that time.” Hewer and event cofounder James Hayden are stoked about this year’s Keithmas because it’s a milestone. The event that started out as a night of debauchery at the Fairview, had a brief stop at the old Electric Owl, and now packs the Rickshaw is celebrating its 10th anniversary. Equally exciting this year is that a first Keithmas will also be taking place in Calgary on December 18, with plans for a Toronto edition in the works. As always, the event will have a deep roster of gold-star local acts covering Rolling Stones songs, the bands playing for free and proceeds

and we’ve only had one or two arguments over the years. Mostly, the first person to send me the songs they want to do gets to pick, and then we go from there. La Chinga always jumps in early— they’re usually picking their songs in June. “Mostly, people pick from the classic trifecta,” he continues. “Let It Bleed, Beggar’s Banquet, and Exile on Main Street tend to be where the bulk of songs come from. Still, this year we’re seeing some rather interesting choices. With new bands and new blood in there, they’re moving up into the ’80s. We haven’t had a lot of that action before, which is kind of cool.” As always, having a Texas mickey of Jack Daniel’s on-stage is part of the festivities, with some kicking their sets off with a shot, and others waiting until afterwards. Often, Hewer says laughing, the bands don’t need another shot. “Keithmas V might have been the drunkest for bands,” he suggests. “It’s fluctuated with individuals, as well as bands, but with Keithmas V we had a number of musicians sleeping downstairs at the Electric Owl after their performances. The drummer of one of the bands was passed out before the show, and the singer of another passed out afterwards.” I kept calling If he’s learned anything as an organizer, it’s that joining each band for a shot of Jack is a rethe night Keithmas cipe for a hangover that no less than ’70s Keith and [the name] Richards would appreciate. He’s also well aware that the legend of Keithmas continues to just stuck. grow each year—bad news for your liver, but – John Hewer good news for those who want to celebrate the music of a legend while contributing to a great Christmastime cause. “Every year we’re selling out earlier,” Hewer says. “This year we raised the ticket prices, and still sold out two weeks ago. And the second we “I sort that out right at the beginning,” he says. sold out, I started getting texts asking for tickets. “It’s a bit of a shitshow—if you’ve ever been party But I guess it’s a great problem to have.” g to a band making a set list, well, try 10 bands with various band members chiming in at in- Keithmas X takes place at the Rickshaw Theatre on opportune times. I’m the keeper of the song list, Saturday (December 14). Proud as he is of all past Keithmases, Hewer is particularly happy with this year’s edition, which will include Rich Hope, the Pack a.d., La Chinga, Bison, Dead Ghosts, Frankie, the Wild North, and more. “I don’t know how to say this so we’re not patting ourselves on the back, but we’re more representative of the population this year,” he says. “We have a stronger representation of women artists, which is really cool, so I’m really excited about that. Also the sheer variety this year is great—the strength from top to bottom is probably the best that we’ve ever had. Not that I would ever say that there was a weak link before, but when you go through things, everyone is a really great artist in their own right.” As with past Keithmas blowouts, Hewer goes over the set list of each act in advance to make sure that audiences don’t hear six different versions of “Wild Horses”.

John Hewer is a cofounder of Keithmas, and he also gave the annual “fundrager” its name.

going to charity. As it approaches its first decade on the West Coast, Keithmas has raised over $65,000 for the Greater Vancouver Food Bank, with this edition expected to add $20,000 (the biggest amount to date) to that total. “We never had any grand plans to make money with it, so making it a charity event just made sense,” Hewer says. “It was like, ‘Whatever we do make, let’s pass it on.’ Being able to raise some money is why we had a Keithmas II. It’s pretty weird—after Keithmas we just felt good about it. All the bands volunteered, so nobody got paid—nobody’s ever got paid. But the fact that everyone volunteered and pitched in made us think ‘This is so great that we have to do it again.’ ”

MUSIC LISTINGS

CONCERTS JUST ANNOUNCED PEACE AND GOODWILL The Marcus Mosely Chorale presents its Christmas concert, featuring original music and gospel faves. Dec 20, 8 pm, Central Presbyterian Church. $25/30. VOC SWEET SOUL GOSPEL CHRISTMAS 2019 Checo Tohomaso leads the VOC Sweet Soul Gospel Choir. Dec 21, 7:30-9 pm, Shaughnessey Heights United Church. Free-$20. THE SWINGLES: WINTER TALES Folk- and jazz-inspired original songs. Dec 22, 7:30-9:30 pm, Kay Meek Arts Centre. $59. A HOLLY JOLLY F*CKED UP CHRISTMAS Erica Mac performs as Piano Punk, doing hardcore, metal, grunge, and punk on piano. Dec 23, 7:30 pm, The Heatley. Pay what you can/tips. HARD ROCK MINERS CHRISTMAS EVE SINGALONG Sing along to your favourite Christmas songs. Dec 24, 9 am, Railway Stage and Beer Café. $10. NYE 2020: A SPACE ODYSSEY New Year’s Eve bash with DJs Hubbz, Sheps, TZEN, and DJ Kemo with the Phonix and Souls Rest. Dec 31, 9 pm, Waldorf. $50. NEW YEAR’S SPECTACULAR New Year’s show features Yolanda Fletcher as Aretha Franklin and Bobby Brooks Wilson as Jackie Wilson and Sam Cooke. Dec 31, 9:30 pm, River Rock Casino. $79.50. FRED EAGLESMITH Canadian alt-country singer-songwriter. Jan 16, 8-10:30 pm, St. James Hall. $36/32. GZA American rapper and member of Wu-Tang Clan. Jan 20, 8 pm, Fortune Sound Club. $35. DYLAN LEBLANC Alt-country singer-songwriter from Louisiana, with guest Sierra Ferrell. Feb 13, 9 pm, WISE Hall. Tix on sale Dec 13, 10 am, $17.50. THE BOOTS AND BABES BALL Country show featuring JoJo Mason and Sons of Daughters. Feb 14, 8:15 pm, Commodore Ballroom. Tix on sale Dec 13, 10 am, from $25. LIL FEST Hip-hop show featuring headliners Shoreline Mafia, bbno$, and Lil Tracy. Feb 16, PNE Forum. From $48.50. THE WARNING Hard-rock trio composed of sisters from Monterrey, Mexico. Apr 6, 9 pm, Biltmore Cabaret. Tix on sale Dec 13, 10 am, $17.50. THE MAVERICKS Neotraditional country quartet from Florida. Apr 9, 8:30 pm, Commodore Ballroom. Tix on sale Dec 13, 10 am, $59.50. MILKY CHANCE Alt-rock band from Kassel, Germany. Apr 20, Orpheum Theatre. Tix on sale Dec 13, 10 am. THE AVETT BROTHERS Folk-rock band from North Carolina. May 14, 8 pm, Queen Elizabeth Theatre. Tix on sale Dec 13, 10 am, $121.50/86.50/66.50/46.50.

THE FLAMING LIPS Alt-rock band from Oklahoma City. Jun 21, 8 pm, Commodore Ballroom. Tix on sale Dec 13, 10 am, $65. MAROON 5 Multiplatinum pop band from the States, featuring frontman Adam Levine, with guest Meghan Trainor. Aug 14, 7 pm, Rogers Arena. Tix on sale Dec 13, 10 am.

WEDNESDAY, DECEMBER 11 ELSPETH TREMBLAY AND WESLEY ATTEW Singer-songwriters from Australia and the U.K. perform original folk. Dec 11, 8-11 pm, WISE Hall. $10.

THURSDAY, DECEMBER 12

PEACE AND GOODWILL The Marcus Mosely Chorale presents its Christmas concert, featuring original music and gospel faves. Dec 14, 7:30 pm, Highlands United Church. $30/25/10.

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EZRA COLLECTIVE Jazz quintet from London. Dec 14, 7:30 pm, Fox Cabaret. $16. ALEX CAMERON Indie-pop singer-songwriter from Australia. Dec 14-15, 8 pm, Venue. $30.

Scan to confess

SUNDAY, DECEMBER 15 SUNDAY FOR SINNERS MUSIC SALOON Country-blues music afternoon hosted by Ana Bon-Bon. Dec 15, 4:30-7:30 pm, The Princeton Pub & Grill. No cover/donation jar.

ROEDDE HOUSE JAZZ SERIES PRESENTS Jazz vocalist Karin Plato performs with mandolin player John Reischman and guitarist John Miller. Dec 12, 7-9 pm, Roedde House Museum. $15/12. THE STARLING EFFECT Local indie-rock band, with guests Dark Dials. Dec 12, 8 pm, LanaLou’s Restaurant. $7.

JUDY COLLINS Iconic ‘60s folk singer and activist. Dec 15, 7:30 pm, Kay Meek Arts Centre. $59/56/29.

I hate musicals

MONDAY, DECEMBER 16

I don’t know why, but I do. I think Frozen would’ve been a perfectly good cartoon if there wasn’t all that singing in it. Blech.

FRIDAY, DECEMBER 13

TUESDAY, DECEMBER 17

THE PINEAPPLE THIEF Prog-rock band from Somerset, England. Dec 13, Rickshaw Theatre. MAGIC SWORD American electronic trio. Dec 13, 7 pm, Venue. $25. LEE FIELDS & THE EXPRESSIONS American soul singer from the ‘60s. Dec 13, 8 pm, Rio Theatre. $35. CHRISTMAS WITH SINATRA Dane Warren performs a tribute to Frank Sinatra featuring the Bruce James Orchestra. Dec 13, 8 pm, Massey Theatre. $67.25-101.75. GOOD TIDINGS! A GOOD NOISE GOSPEL CHRISTMAS Gospel, soul, and jazz arrangements of Christmas classics. Dec 13, 8-10 pm; Dec 14, 3-5 pm; Dec 14, 8-10 pm, Christ Church Cathedral. $30/25. COOL YULE WITH VAN DJANGO Christmas mix of nostalgic favourites, jazz standards, pop tunes, classical elements, and sing-alongs. Dec 13, 8-10:30 pm, St. James Hall. $28/24. THE TARLEKS Punk-pop band, with guests Rong, the Spewers, and the Highsides. Dec 13, 9 pm, LanaLou’s Restaurant. $10/8. STEVE KOZAK TRIO Soulful West Coast blues. Dec 13, 10 pm, Fairview Pub. $10.

BATUSHKA Black-metal band from Poland. Dec 17, Rickshaw Theatre. $25.

KLIFFS Berlin-based pop duo from Montreal. Dec 16, Biltmore Cabaret. $15.

FRIDAY, DECEMBER 20 THE FUNK HUNTERS Local electronic-music act and DJ duo. Dec 20-21, 9:30 pm, Commodore Ballroom. $35. MUSIC LISTINGS are a public service provided free of charge. Submit events online using the event-submission form at straight. com/AddEvent. Events that don’t make it into the paper due to space constraints will appear on the website.

I am one of those happy confessioners . You don’t see us much often because we have a life and we are very busy keeping it constantly full of fun and optimistic activities. I just wanted to say that cycling is beautiful, even... (con’t @straight.com)

Cell Phone Etiquette...Anyone? Anyone? Can someone PLEASE explain to me why people use speaker phone to chat with mates in public?? I don’t care if your child had a big poop today, that your new mascara is “fab” or honey, don’t forget to get eggs on your way home. Don’t even get me started with FaceTime in public. Pfft. I think it’s rude and ridiculous the rest of society is forced to listen to your dribble. Use headphones or put the phone up to your ear for gawd sake!

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SATURDAY, DECEMBER 14 JOHNNY REID Canadian country artist performs on his My Kind of Christmas Tour. Dec 14, Abbotsford Centre. KEITHMAS X Annual food bank fundraiser and tribute to Keith Richards features performances by Rich Hope, La Chinga, the Pack A.D., Bison, the Wild North, Jody Glenham, Dead Ghosts, Frankiie, the Keithberries, and the Rentalmen. Dec 14, 7 pm, Rickshaw Theatre. SOLD OUT.

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SAVAGE LOVE

Wife bored by hubby’s kink obsession by Dan Savage

b MY HUSBAND AND I (straight male/ bi female couple) have been married 15 years. We are in our early 40s. When we met, he was inexperienced and crippled by shame from having grown up in an extremely sex-negative atmosphere. I have no hang-ups about sex and was happy to get him involved in some more adventurous stuff—but he quickly became obsessed with kink and shows no sign of slowing. I’m happy to play along with fantasies and role-play, bondage, domination, foot play, anal sex/pegging, going to events, having moresomes, et cetera. But sometimes I’d like to have gentle and slow “unadorned” sex with an attentive partner who calls me by name, compliments me, and does things to my body he knows I enjoy. My husband has been seeing a therapist for some years. We also went to this therapist for couples therapy, and he gave us some “exercises” to try to tone down my husband’s desire for perfectly scripted kink “scenes” every time we have sex. But my husband was either not able or not willing to try them, and I gave up. He now basically can’t maintain an erection without either (1) a complicated script with roles and props and costumes and toys or (2) going through the motions of romantic sex as long as I keep up a constant stream of “in character” dirty talk, which makes it impossible for me to be in the moment. I’ve urged him to go see a dominatrix or to get more involved in the local kink scene without me— but he’s obsessed with this imagined

moment where I suddenly “awaken” and fully join him in his obsessions. I find this condescending and stupid. Just because I can enjoy kink play now and then doesn’t mean I’ll ever be someone who gasps with excitement at a woman on a leash being peed on or someone dangling from the ceiling by the clamps on their nipples. It doesn’t shock me or disgust me, it just kind of bores me. It feels like watching someone fill their kitchen with every gaudy, expensive, chrome radish peeler and strawberry diddler when they can’t even boil an egg. Is there a trick to reducing your partner’s dependence on kink? Or a way to make kink more interesting to yourself? - Bored By Obsessive Kinkster You must feel

like you created a kink monster. But you didn’t! I mean, you did meet this inexperienced, sexually repressed guy, BBOK, and you did encourage him to let go of the shame, and you did give him permission to be a little more sexually adventurous… And 15 years later, you’re stuck with this selfish asshole who’s so obsessed with and/or dependent on his kinks that you’ve come to dread having sex with him. But your husband was always the elaborately twisted kinkster he is now; he just needed someone to give him permission to admit to being who he always was— and that person was you. Now here you are, BBOK, writing to me in the hopes that I can magically cause your husband to become less de-

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b I STARTED SEEING a man four weeks ago who keeps telling me he can’t sleep with me, or can’t sleep with me yet, because of some all-consuming fetish that he can’t (or doesn’t want to) do with me. He also has sexual issues due to having survived testicular cancer and no longer having testicles. As a bisexual woman, I don’t have an issue with that and am happy to have nonpenis sex. But even that is not forthcoming, because he always tells me his fixation on this fetish is interfering, while remaining totally incoherent about what the fetish is. No one is required to sleep with me, but it’s upsetting to go to bed with him and then,

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after he plays along for a little while, have to listen to him tell me another totally incoherent version of whatever his fucking problem is. I value this person for the other parts of our relationship, but I’m getting fed up. I don’t see how we’ll ever get along in bed if I’m just trying to have fun while he’s being as tormented, confusing, and complicated as possible. Should I just walk away? Is this bullshit or not? - Drama Is Boring Unless this ball-less

mess is climbing up the fire escape and slipping into your bedroom uninvited, he keeps turning up in your bedroom because you keep inviting him. Stop that, DIB. Tell him you’re happy to keep seeing him, if you enjoy his company that much, but you’re not “seeing” him anymore, which means he’s not welcome in your bedroom. So there’s no need for him to bring up his fetish or any other sexual issues with you. As a general rule, a person really shouldn’t mention the fact that they have a kink or fetish to a new partner unless they’re ready to share what it is. You don’t have to be ready to act on it. But telling someone you have a kink/fetish that’s so all-consuming you can’t be sexual unless it’s a part of the action and then refusing to name the kink/fetish and then adding that you wouldn’t want to do it with the person…well, that’s not just bullshit, DIB, it’s disqualifying assholery and some truly next-level negging. Don’t walk away, run. g

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You want to have loving, tender, connected sex with someone who cares about you. You want to have sex with someone who isn’t asking you to be someone you’re not each and every time you have sex with him (or her). And the obvious fix here, the easiest work-around, the reasonable accommodation… Well, it’s obvious, isn’t it? You need to have sex with someone else, BBOK, with someone who cares about you. Basically, you need to take your own advice, the advice you’ve been giving your husband, and go find yourself a play partner or two—for vanilla sex, not kinky sex. If you can find someone who can give you the kind of simple, passionate, connected sex you no longer get in your marriage, perhaps you’ll come to resent your husband less and your desire for kinky sex with him will rebound.

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pendent on his kinks or can magically “awaken” in you a similarly obsessive interest in the exact same suite of kinks he has. And we both know neither is going to happen, because you’re not going to get kinkier (which is what he wants) and you’ve already tried to get him to rein in his kinks (and that didn’t work). That’s what the couples counselling was about, right? Him learning to be a little less selfish and a little more GGG and a better partner… and the selfish sack of shit couldn’t be bothered, could he? What you really want is right here: “Sometimes I’d like to have gentle and slow ‘unadorned’ sex with an attentive partner who calls me by name, compliments me, and does things to my body he knows I enjoy.” (Emphasis mine.) I don’t think it’s an accident that you wrote about wanting “an attentive partner” to call you by your name and do all sorts of vanilla things to your body that he knows you enjoy. I don’t think it’s an accident that you didn’t use “loving husband” in that sentence, BBOK, because deep down you know your husband isn’t interested in doing those things. And he won’t be any good at doing those things. And even if he could fake an interest in doing those things for 20 minutes—which, apparently, he can’t—you probably wouldn’t be able to enjoy his halfhearted attempts at vanilla sex because knowing he had to concentrate on BDSM sex the whole time would make it impossible for you to be in (and enjoy) the moment.

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