The Green Parent magazine sampler

NEW LOOK!

Self-Directed Learning • Baby Swimming • Tears Heal

Green Parent THEGREENPARENT.CO.UK

Fight Plastic Pollution

Three teens empower us to take action

Self-Directed Learning Choose home education to set your children free

Become a Mermaid Wild swimming to boost your mental wellbeing

Wild Food Forage Abundant treats from the hedgerow

A DOSE OF

VITAMIN

SEA Holidays that hug the shore

ISSUE 101 JUN/JUL 2021 £4.95

content s

June / July 2021

NEW LOOK!

in this issue

68

Self-Directed Learning • Baby Swimming • Tears Heal

Green Parent THEGREENPARENT.CO.UK

Fight Plastic Pollution Three teens empower us to take action

Number 101

Self-Directed Learning Choose home education to set your children free

Become a Mermaid Wild swimming to boost your mental wellbeing

Wild Food Forage Abundant treats from the hedgerow

A DOSE OF

VITAMIN

SEA Holidays that hug the shore

ISSUE 101 JUN/JUL 2021 £4.95

FAMILY Ages & Stages

COVER PHOTOGRAPHY: LUKE LIABLE

INSPIRATION 9 WELCOME Bringing your inner mother into daily life 10 OUR WRITERS Who’s inside this issue and what they love about the ocean 11 MORE GREEN PARENT Get your daily fix 15 JOURNAL Salute the sun, moon calendar and take the plastic-free challenge 17 MAMA TONIC How to reclaim yourself and avoid overwhelm 19 READER STORIES Three women tell us about the power of wild swimming 21 SEASONAL CRAFT Make these pretty nature lanterns from summer flowers

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22 BABY Postnatal support and bedtime routines 23 AQUA NURTURE A baby led approach to learning to swim 28 PLASTIC-FREE PLAYTIME Safe goodies for little ones 29 MEET THE AUTHOR Drawing your way through the early days of parenthood 32 TODDLER Recycled swimmers and toys to encourage balance 34 TEARS AND TANTRUMS The healing power of tears and why we need to let our children cry 40 HAPPY POST! Our six favourite toddler subscription boxes 42 CHILD An adventure at the coast and putting the fun into science 44 CHILD-LED EDUCATION Harnessing the power of self-directed learning 51 BOXES OF DELIGHTS Readers review books and games for all ages 57 TEEN Learn about deep sea creatures and choose ethical threads 58 GAME CHANGERS Meet the teens fighting plastic pollution and habitat destruction THE GREEN PARENT • 3

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LIFESTYLE Wellbeing

62 HEALTH AND MINDFULNESS Crack down on hayfever and use lemon balm for PMS 63 HEALING WATERS Using hydrotherapy to boost physical and mental health 67 GODDESS WORSHIP How to honour Yemaya and embrace the rhythm of the tides 68 ZERO WASTE BEAUTY Products that support a circular economy

Explore 84 SLOW TRAVEL Save money on kids’ bikes and discover an extinct volcano in Scotland 85 SHORE THING Our favourite eco coastal getaways for the summer months 89 CITY BREAK: BRISTOL Wander the harbourside at one of the UK’s most progressive cities

Home

70 NATURAL LIVING How nature kitchens support development and the plastic craftivist 71 HOW WE LIVE Take a peek inside a reader’s home

LIFE NOTES

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Eat 74 SEASONAL FOOD Make beauty products from food waste plus cooling wild tea recipe 75 COMMUNITY CHEFS Neighbours cook up a weekly feast, delivered in tiffin tins all around East London – here they share their recipes 80 WILD FOOD Making the most of the abundant cherries, strawberries and blackcurrants in the hedgerows 4 • THE GREEN PARENT

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50 SUBSCRIBE And get every edition delivered to your door 92 ASTROLOGY Find out what areas of your life are in focus this summer 93 WIN ALL THIS Competitions for a day out at the beach and award winning skincare products 95 PLAN AHEAD What’s inside your next edition, out in July 97 ADVENTURE DAD Navigating the waves of family life 98 YURT MAMA Getting naked with neighbours and parenting wild opinionated kids

editor’s letter

Welcome

w h at I ’m d o i ng r i g ht now

I

A summer of fun projectbased home education – think bees, caterpillars, oceans and kites – follow along with us at thegreenparent.co.uk

PLANNING

PHOTO: EMMA CROMAN

’m excited that you’re holding the 101st edition of The Green Parent in your hands. It’s been brought to you by the flowing abundance of the ocean goddess, Yemaya. I love the concept of this ocean goddess as our own internal Divine Mother. How might she manifest in your life? Whilst you are giving your all caring for your family it’s so important to make sure that you are well nourished and supported. It’s useful to remember that we cannot draw from an empty well. Contrary to the messages that we might have received growing up, it’s not selfish to fill your own cup, it’s essential. We need to look after ourselves if we want to sustain present, conscious parenting. And everyone benefits! Try it and watch the surprising results unfurl.

What ways might your inner ultimate mum support you right now? Maybe she’d help pack a picnic tea to take to the park, suggest tea and cake with a friend or a moment of solitude lying under a tree?

Maybe she’d hustle you off to bed for the afternoon with a mug of tea and a good book?

Start seeking out ways to mother yourself; to apply a soothing balm to your own experiences. Every area of your life will be affected by this seemingly small change.

Make time for creative adventures or to lead yourself by the hand to a cosy spot for a rest and recharge. Treat yourself with tender loving care and that will be reflected back to you in all your relationships.

Our inner voice speaks the truth – we just need to give it space to be heard. We need to trust ourselves. And in doing so we make space to trust our children.

I keep coming back to an insightful comment from a wise man I interviewed last year – Gever Tulley, founder of Brightworks School in San Francisco. He spoke about the importance of having faith

READING Raising Free People by Akilah S. Richards – this book is blowing my mind. I keep having to stop and have a really good think (and sometimes a cry). Read it!

“ Our inner voice speaks the truth – we just need to give it space to be heard.

We need to trust ourselves.

And in doing so we make space to trust our children” in our kids. He suggests we “trust the child more”. He believes the world needs more voracious, self-directed learners who see tough problems as puzzles. I hope you find lots in this edition that inspire you to raise up your wildlings with trust and awe.

With love from my family to yours,

EXPLOR ING The art of listening, inspired

by Julia Cameron’s new book The Listening Path. Building on the tools she introduced in The Artist’s Way this is all about becoming more receptive.

EATING Melissa Corkhill Editor

We’re into baking sugar free treats at the moment – inspired by (among others!) @littleveggieeats – the chickpea chocolate cookies are a revelation!

connect with us, we’d love to hear from you Instagram @thegreenparentmag Facebook @greenparentmag Email letters@thegreenparent.co.uk

THE GREEN PARENT • 9

inspiration

Jo u r n a l Seasonal celebrations, activities and fun for your family in June and July June takes its name from the Greek deity, Juno, goddess of marriage. Because of this it’s the luckiest month to marry!

Urban Adventure Have you ever had to try and explain why the sky is blue? Or wondered what the biggest fish in the world is? Get the answers at Festival of Nature, which takes over Bristol’s Harbourside for the UK’s largest celebration of the natural world. The festival (5-12 June) features hundreds of free events, usually including lectures, tours and film screenings on the subjects of science, natural history and the environment. Download a programme at bnhc.org.uk.

flu tte r o n

PLEASE CHECK ALL EVENTS BEFORE SETTING OUT AS THEY MAY HAVE BEEN CANCELLED OR POSTPONED AFTER GOING TO PRESS.

June 6 marks the 11th Butterfly Education and Awareness Day so why not head outside and see if you can spot some. Ideas for marking it include studying a butterfly’s life cycle, learning the word butterfly in several different languages or planting a butterfly garden/habitat.

R ead all about it This year World Ocean Day on 8 June has a theme of Life and Livelihoods. You don’t have to read a text book to learn about the ocean. There are many wonderful writers who spin real life ocean tales that teach you about the sea

WORLD OCEAN DAY

Hans Christen Anderson’s The Little Mermaid - The protagonist of this classic tale lives happily under the sea, but her older sisters’ tales of what they see on the surface of the water start to make her yearn for something more.

The Tale of Emily Windsnap by Liz Kessler - Emily Windsnap has lived on a boat her whole life but her mother has seemed strangely anxious to keep her away from the water itself.

Flush by Carl Hiaason - This is an engaging and light-hearted thriller about issues that matter - justice, family and the environment.

sa l ute t h e s u n

Pride Month June is Pride month, it is a month dedicated to celebrating the LGBTQIA+ communities all around the world. It marks the anniversary of the Stonewall riots, the protests that changed gay rights globally. It’s about people coming together in love and friendship, teaching tolerance, education in pride history and continuing to move forward in equality. Find out more and get ideas for celebrating at home thetrevorproject.org and mermaidsuk.org.uk.

We love the wallchart showing key moments in LGBTQIA+ history, available at lgbtplushistorymonth. co.uk/resources/ lgbt-history-month/ wallchart.

Traditionally on 21 June people celebrated the return of the light, life, fertility, and the potential for a good harvest.

Here are 5 ways to celebrate.

1.

Wake up early Watch the sun rise from your garden or a nearby hill.

Take blankets and a flask.

2.

Camp Out Make a fire in the garden and camp out under the stars.

3.

Brew sun tea Gather some peppermint, melissa and rose petals, cover with water and leave in the sun all day long.

4.

Get flexible It’s also World Yoga Day some people commit to 108 sun salutations – take your mat into the garden for an earthier practice.

5.

Make a mud mandala In a sticky patch of mud, make your own sun from natural treasures.

THE GREEN PARENT • 15

inspiration

I NTE RVI E W

reclaiming yourself Beth Berry is a life coach, writer, mother of four, adventurer and passionate advocate for the reclamation of motherhood and detangling parents from the life stories keeping them trapped in isolation and self-doubt. She believes that the mother children need is a thriving one. Working one-to-one or in intimate, longerform circles of women, she has ‘a revolution in [her] bones’. Her book, Motherwhelmed is available worldwide. Beth believes that we’re all overworked and overstressed. Here’s her tonic “I became a mother at 17, so motherhood was the backdrop of my adulthood. I was determined to break the stereotype that a teenage mother wouldn’t be a good mother. My maturing happened through care-taking. A big part of my identity was giving to others, as a way of having a sense of self.

I put so much in that I exhausted myself.

Idealism ran rampant, but with all good intentions; I wanted to give my kids the best and all the things I believed that they were worthy of. I didn’t have a support network as I believed that I had to do everything myself in order to be a good mother. However, I finally got to the point after I had four kids when things were really

rough, and I realised I had to put my myself in the lineup of people whose needs mattered.

My marriage was not going well, and I was looking around at my life thinking I loved my kids so much but I just hated my life. That’s when I realised that I really needed some breaks from mothering, I needed some space to be.

When I look back, I can see I hadn’t created any space or time for myself as a person. There are needs we have as women that we have to meet elsewhere in order to feel whole. Otherwise, there’s these atrophying parts of ourselves. I once had an injury from yoga, which had everything to do with some muscles being overworked and others being underworked. And that feels like a metaphor; when we’re using the supporting muscles too we can’t just overwork these few parts of ourselves without injury to the whole sense of self.

Change was a gradual process. I was invited by a friend to to join her knitting circle. A little once-a-week, evening thing, but the first time that I had regularly invested in something just for me.

I prioritised that, and it was really surprisingly restorative, because it was meeting a lot of needs.

I was getting away from the kids, interacting with other women and being creative. Plus it was in my • THE GREEN PARENT • 17

inspiration

‘The more women are divided, the less powerful we are. Our natural way would be living in communities, the kids being raised among many people, supporting one another in multiple ways daily’ neighbourhood, so I was building community. It was meeting multiple needs; there are some choices we can make that create a much bigger impact.

So I hit my low but then realised that I wanted to do something different. My husband at the time was laid off and we had always wanted to move to Mexico and and learn Spanish. So we saw that open window and and took it. A year turned into four because it was so rich and nourishing on so many levels. One of the biggest gifts of that time was being able to move slowly through the world. I was healing my nervous system. That’s when I began writing.

I began to build a readership through my blog, then, four years later, when we moved back to the States, to North Carolina, I began coaching.

Motherhood, like so many other realities in our world has been taken over and by norms and narratives that don’t suit us. There are so many reasons that we struggle as parent, but a lot of it comes down to the fact that the story of motherhood has been taken over by big business and by consumer culture. Who’s telling the story of motherhood is a question that we need to ask, and who benefits from this version?

We’re all overworked. And overstressed, not well supported, living isolated in our homes. We as mothers are not benefiting from this version, and our children are not benefiting from this version.

We’ve got to reclaim motherhood and say this is not the version that we choose. We have to reimagine things, because so much of what we’re wanting to create hasn’t been seen before. If we were all living in villages, and had community support, then we’d be getting closer to what we want. But there has to be a new version of that, because we can’t just snap 18 • THE GREEN PARENT

RES OU R C ES READ Motherwhelmed

by Beth Berry EXPLORE revolutionfromhome.com

BETH AND HER FOUR DAUGHTERS

our fingers and restructure communities. So how do we develop a community, a village mindset?

Sometimes it’s hard to find mothers who are like-minded within our local communities, but we have this opportunity to connect online, in a global network, and have these life-giving generative, creative, visionary conversations with other change-makers. We can then take that into our local community in individual ways, depending on who we are and what we’re meant to offer; whether your calling is a doula or a corporate CEO, to infuse that with this vision of a way for a different foundation for motherhood.

We need to heal from what I call mother wounds and sister wounds; the way women don’t trust each other and the damage that has been done. A lot of this has been manufactured in us by the patriarchy. The more women are divided, the less powerful we are. Our natural way would be living in communities, the kids being raised among many people, supporting one another in multiple ways daily, and the further we get from that then the harder it is to feel our true power.

I get a lot back from coaching and the circles, particularly when I’m working with women who have a strong inner fire, a sense of purpose, that is blocked. If I can be a part of supporting that woman and figuring out what’s keeping her from her power that’s infinitely rewarding for me. In the circles, there are a lot of people waking up to realities and then being able to have that sense of ‘I’m not the only one feeling this way’. When we realise that these struggles are not a personal inadequacy, that the major issues are structural, that’s powerful.

inspiration

♥

FAMILY CRAFT

fragile beauty Lara Curry shares a beautiful pressed flower craft to preserve your summer memories wanted a ‘lazy craft’ using only use materials we had in our home, and something easy enough for a five and two year old. So I started rummaging around the house, and came across a flower press containing our little collected treasures from a walk we took earlier in the month.

A bit more searching and scouring, (this time in the kitchen) and I realised we had a pretty collection of glass jars and bottles. Then, inspiration hit me immediately. Fingers crossed my dried and pressed flowers would work, so off I went to create our craft area.

The good news is that the crafting experiment was a success!

I

MATERIALS: • Decoupage glue, or we used school PVA glue • Large paintbrush • Glass jars, bottles, etc. with smooth sides • Wax paper or newspaper (for keeping surfaces clean)

• Pressed flowers • Scissors • Tea-light (optional) 1. Choose which flowers you want to use where, we chose five flowers for each child’s container 2. Paint one thick layer of

They are pretty, fragile looking, and almost seem like something you would buy from a handmade boutique. All you need is a few dried flowers, collected from the garden, then pressed for a day or two… (between book pages or with a flower press).

The kids got so excited about it as well, opening the pages of wax paper in the press like gifts under a tree, revealing the flowers from a walk we took weeks ago. Then they loved painting on the glue, pressing the flowers into where they wanted them, and then watching the items dry clear.

Find more projects from Lara at babyccinokids.com

glue (or Mod-Podge) on the surface of the glass jar, avoiding the base.

Clean up drips as soon as possible. However, the end result isn’t really affected by a few smears or drips.

3. Carefully lay the flowers onto the glue, since they

are quite fragile, much more so than leaves, for example. Also regarding the layout, we preferred to keep it simple and have the flowers ‘growing up’ from the base, but if you only have flower heads or petals that could create

really pretty patterns too.

4. Trim the extra stems, etc. just make sure you have all the flowers touching the jar and glue!

5. Let it dry entirely (a few hours) … then do a second coat and let that dry, and enjoy!

THE GREEN PARENT • 21

toddler

h ap py pos t!

Who can resist an unboxing?

Here we share some of our favourite subscription boxes for toddlers from toys to clothes

SOMETHING TO LOOK FORWARD TO EACH MONTH. MUDANDBLOOM.COM

MUD AND BLOOM

PEAS AND POD

ZAZA STORYBOX

Delivered through your letter box at the beginning of each month, these gorgeous nature inspired boxes are suitable for ages three to eight and cost from £13.50 a month. Packed with everything you need for four nature craft activities we think this is exceptionally good value. In the May box we received seeds to grow our own radishes and sunflowers plus materials to make a beautiful sun catcher. mudandbloom.com

Child-led home learning boxes suggested for three to seven year olds, although we thoroughly enjoyed exploring the contents with a two year old! Seasonally focused and inspired by Montessori, Steiner, Reggio Emilia & Forest School, the latest box is all about ladybirds and packed with lifecycle and anatomy cards, instructions for apple printing and how to make your own fridge magnet. peasandpod.com

Inside this monthly subscription box you’ll receive two books and a toy to correspond with the theme. We loved the baking box that we received, complete with two board books with fun sliding parts and lift the flap surprises.

Plus a cute felt gingerbread man to accompany. This is suitable for ages up to 24 months so one for younger toddlers but still a real treat! zazastorybox.com

GRACEFUL CHANGES

WHIRLI

BUNDLEE

This was such a delight to receive – a giant sack full of gorgeous organic clothes. Prices start at £12.50 per month and clothing goes up to four years. It’s a great way to save space, money and time. You get a handpicked capsule wardrobe with all the essentials, perfectly sized delivered straight to your door. Some items may be new, some may have been previously worn, but all were in great condition. gracefulchanges.co

We loved this concept – the subscription service was really easy to use and we ended up with some amazing toys that have become firm favourites. You can swap the toys as often as you like or buy those that you love at less than retail price. This is the ultimate eco friendly way of ensuring you have a great selection of educational toys. Brilliant! whirli.com

This is a great way to clothe your child in ethical basics. Prices start from £24 for non-brand and £39 for brands such as Hatley and the Bonnie Mob. You receive 15 items made from organic cotton. Sizes range from birth up to 18-24 months. When your little one outgrows their clothing simply send back and get the next size up. Simples! bundlee.co.uk

40 • THE GREEN PARENT

child

C H I L D L ED E D U CATION Naomi Fisher writes on harnessing the power of self-directed learning Inspirational photography by Krista Lii instagram.com/kristalii

esterday I cycled to Brighton with my daughter. No big deal, you might think. It’s about three miles along a long straight cycle path.

Except that a week beforehand, she couldn’t ride a bike at all. She had a bike, she has had several bikes, some with stabilisers and some without, but she couldn’t ride alone. I had to run along beside her, holding on, and rescuing her when she leant over too far or got scared.

I have spent a long time running alongside her bicycle. So has my mother, and her father. She didn’t feel ready to go it alone. Until last week, when she said she wanted to cycle to Brighton and was going to learn how. Out we went and she said she was scared. She said she felt the fear every time she started. Then she decided that this time was going to be different. She started singing ‘pedal pedal pedal’ and off she went. First five metres, then 10, then the whole length of the pavement. Until, just one week later, we were ready to go to Brighton.

She was very pleased. ‘Can you believe?’ she said ‘That last week I couldn’t do this at all?’. I hardly could. I could see her demeanour change, awed at her own ability to learn and acquire skills. She seemed inches taller.

And that’s what I want her to take from her education. The sense of herself as an active and capable learner. For when she has that, then the world is out there. No knowledge of fronted adverbials, or advanced calculus, or French irregular verbs can measure up to the knowledge that you, yourself can learn when you choose to do so.

It’s unfortunate that a lot of conventional schooling does not nurture this in children.

Worse than that, it takes away the sense that young children have of being the drivers of their own learning. It turns children into passive recipients of a curriculum, decided by adults a long way away and delivered by a teacher. It takes away their power, and tells that that this is necessary, so they can get an education.

Y

44 • THE GREEN PARENT

Many children protest about this. This protest is usually seen in their behaviour – they refuse to cooperate with requests, or refuse to sit still in their desks. During the pandemic, many parents witnessed this protest up close. Suddenly they were the ones responsible for making sure their offspring completed their worksheets and tuned into their Zoom lessons – and they found that children are not full of the joys of learning. In fact, removed from the context of school, many found that their children didn’t want to spend their days following a curriculum laid out by someone else.

This isn’t a surprise for home educators. There’s a predictable path when a child is taken out of school. It goes like this. Child leaves school. Parents assume that learning should look like school-athome. They set up a desk and buy a curriculum.

They draw up a timetable and set the alarm. The first day goes well; it’s novel and exciting. The second day goes less well, and by the third day the children don’t want to get dressed anymore and refuse to follow the timetable. At this point, the parents despair. Why isn’t it working?

COMPLIANCE OR TROUBLE?

It’s not hard to see why home is different to school.

Children at school are stripped of much of their power. They can’t even choose their clothes or when they eat their lunch. They are in large groups, and they have nowhere to go. A lone child in the playground during lessons stands out like a sore thumb. The whole system of school is set up so that children only really have two choices – comply, or get into trouble. Most of them choose to comply.

Whereas at home – well, there are so many things to do! There’s staying in bed, or playing in the garden, or building with Lego, or cooking a cake. There’s reading a comic or writing a story, watching TV or playingsSuperheroes. Children at home have more choices, and more power. If they choose to say no, then what can parents do? It’s not like they can keep them in detention or send them to the headteacher.

child

Learning at home is different to learning at school.

Some school teachers didn’t realise this during lockdown, and dished out advice to parents about how to turn their home into a mini school, complete with playtime and a reward system for good behaviour. They are used to being able to control children, and they think that parents should be able to do the same. They underestimate the power of the school environment, set up to disempower the young people and to leave them with limited choices.

LIFE LEARNING

‘Questions are the life blood of self-directed education.

Anything might lead anywhere’

This doesn’t mean that children can’t learn at home. It just means it has to be different. If you start with school principles, you are bound to fail.

Children at home have more power and this needs to be factored into their learning. Empowerment is a good thing, not something we need to squash.

This means taking a radically different approach to learning, one which starts with the child and their interests. Variously called self-directed education, unschooling or life learning, this is a well-established approach in home education and self-directed schools across the world. There are research studies which show that children can learn this way for their entire education, and can successfully move onto formal education and university if they should want to later on.

The basic principle of this type of learning is that the learner is always in control of what they are learning, when they start and when they stop.

They may choose to learn in a myriad of different ways, but they are always the one who makes the decision. This means that parents have to give up many of their dearly held assumptions. Self-directed children may learn to read later than schooled children, for example, often not learning until they are aged ten. They may play for longer than schooled children, and they may choose to learn about things which their parents would never have imagined. I know of self-directed young people learning Russian, sculpture, law and game design.

The idea is to provide an environment within which a child can learn, and then to let them do it.

This environment needs to be full of opportunity – if you fill your home with restrictions then self-directed learning cannot flow in the same way. The role of adults is to be interested and responsive, and join the child in their learning.

WHAT DOES IT LOOK LIKE?

It’s sometimes hard for parents to imagine what self-directed learning actually looks like. A lot of it looks like conversation.

During lockdown, we walked along our local seafront every day. One day, my son noticed some funny looking creatures attached firmly to one of • THE GREEN PARENT • 45

child

children learn before they start school, after all.

It’s parents who find it the hardest to make the change. Most parents were schooled. There, we learnt that school was essential. We really believe that those worksheets are important, and so we do what we can to get our children to complete them.

The children, with fewer years of schooling behind them, are usually less sure. And if we listen to them, they can lead us to a better way of being and learning. This is the topic of my book Changing Our Minds: How Children Can Take Control of their Own Learning. It shows you how to challenge your thinking and enable your child to direct their own learning. It shows how learning at school isn’t the only way, and how by trusting children, we can open the doors to a more empowered way learning.

Naomi is a clinical psychologist and self-directed education advocate. She is the author of Changing Our Mind: How Children can take control of their own learning, published by Robinson, Feb 2021.

‘Children are ideally suited to this sort of approach – it’s how all young children learn before they start school, after all’ the rocks. Barnacles. I knew that much, but I didn’t know anything else about them. How did they eat?

How did they get there? Can they swim? Do they talk to each other? The children were full of questions.

We found a YouTube video. It turns out that when they are underwater, barnacles have tiny tentacles which emerge from the hole in the middle of their shell which they use to feed. They are filter feeders. I will never see a barnacle in the same way again. Who would have thought they were so different when the tide was in?

Next time we went to the beach we went to have another look -and this time we noticed that there were limpets and mussels on the rocks too. Back home we discovered that limpets move around very slowly on a single foot and are therefore entirely different to barnacles. By the coast, we noticed seagulls hovering nearby and my daughter had a moment of insight into why limpets and barnacles have tough protective shells, and how risky life would be for them if they were exposed. We started to think about food chains and predators. At home my daughter painted some shells and made a rock pool out of polymer clay.

That’s self-directed learning in action. I didn’t plan it. It wasn’t about finding a teachable moment or doing a project on the seashore. I didn’t know where the enquiry would lead us and nor did they. It was genuine research. The chain of enquiry might stop there, or it might continue. Either way is fine.

A BETTER WAY

When self-directed learning flows, it is fun, interesting and highly effective. Children are ideally suited to this sort of approach – it’s how all young 46 • THE GREEN PARENT

self directed learning: how do we start?

Here are five things you can do right now to help self-directed learning flourish in your house

1

Watch your children and see what they love. So often we see children and we think that they should be doing something else. Just watch yours and see what they are learning. Are they honing their skills in Among Us? Or are they learning how to draw dinosaurs? What are the things they are drawn to, again and again?

Observe rather than ask.

Join them in their activities. Sit with your children and be curious. Don’t ask them to instruct you, but ask if you can join them. If they don’t want you to, maybe you can just be interested. If they like to play Fortnite, download it and try it yourself. If

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they like junk modelling, do that together.

Follow their questions and ask your own. Questions are the life blood of self-directed education.

Anything might lead anywhere. Don’t divide the world into useful and non-useful learning.

This is about the process, and it’s just as useful (possibly more so) to know how ice cream is made as it is to be able to label the parts of an English sentence.

Back off with the pressure. Many children react to pressure with resistance.

Parents and children can get stuck in a vicious cycle of which there is no way out.

Dropping the pressure might feel scary, but it’s the only way to end the cycle. Let them make choices about whether they complete their

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school-work or not.

It’s better to practice making choices now, when the consequences are relatively minor, rather than wait for adulthood when the stakes are considerably higher. Be supportive but not controlling.

Experiment with unexpected ‘yes’s.

Just sometimes, try saying yes to something you would usually say no to. ‘Can I have pudding first, before supper?’ or ‘Can we go out in the rain without our raincoats?’. You never know where those yes’s may lead.

For a child to make meaningful decisions, they need the space to practice doing so.

They need real choices.

When they can make meaningful choices, then they can really start to take control of their life and learning.

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Some lovely messages from our readers This magazine is highly inspirational. It always centres me and brings me back to my inner truth and the things that I really believe in. Natasha

I just love that you’ve been spreading a message of connection, intention and empowerment for 100 issues!

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eat

M E E T TH E C H E FS

RENEE AND ANSHU PREPARING A MEAL TOGETHER

tif fin tre ats

Anshu Ahuja founded Dabbadrop with Renee Williams from their homes in East London. Here they share their story and some recipes

W

e live right across the road from each other! We’ve got four kids between us - I have two daughters aged seven and four and Renee’s sons are seven and five. When I was working as a TV Producer, life was super busy. Work, kids, childcare, schools, lunches, dinners, birthdays, holidays…. By the time it got to the end of the week, I didn’t want to make any more decisions, especially for dinner!

We’d settle on getting takeout and my husband and I would spend half an hour trying to decide what to eat. Finding a restaurant that had good vegan or vegetarian options was tricky. By the time the meal turned up it would be 10pm; too late to eat.

The food itself was never as fresh or delicious as we imagined it would be. Plus, we were left with a load of plastic containers, which we’d feel so guilty about.

This got me thinking about the dabbawala set up, back home in Mumbai. Unlike a takeaway where you have to choose from an endlessly long menu, these delivery-only kitchens create weekly changing set menus of home-style food, so all you do is unpack and eat. And no guilt; you just leave the stainlesssteel tiffin out to be collected next time around.

It was Summer 2018 when I started cooking

from home as a trial for what would later become DabbaDrop. Renee was one of the first friends to sign up for the trial and loved it so much it was a natural progression that she came on board to help grow the concept.

The last year has been tough on parents.

Balancing home-schooling and working meant there were a lot of late nights but we also got used to our partners being around a lot more which meant we could focus on work.

Now we’re slowly returning to normal, we’re working around the kids’ pick-ups and drop offs. It’s great having a co-pilot; Renee and I share everything, running the business and the childcare responsibilities. We take it in turns to watch the kids so the other can work. Sometimes we have to bring the kids into the office and give them some screen time while we catch up with our team but we’ll always balance that out with some run around time in the park afterwards.

Our customers are the reason we’re in business. Just an email from someone saying they loved our service makes us truly happy.

Also very occasionally when we give in to a takeaway and it arrives in plastic packaging, we know what we’re doing is the right thing. •

HOW DOES DABBADROP WORK? We wanted to create a convenient, tasty takeaway option that didn’t come with a guilty conscience.

Customers pay a one-off fee for the reusable dabba (tiffin) which is then theirs to keep. They choose a frequency (either weekly or fortnightly), pick their start date and they’re all set! Our delivery cyclists collect the customers’ empty dabbas when they deliver the full ones – and so the cycle (of reusability) continues. dabbadrop.co.uk

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eat

Sweet and Sour Tofu Serves 2 • • • • • • • • • •

2 tbsp tamari or soy sauce 1 tbsp apple cider vinegar 275g firm tofu, cubed 6 tbsp cornstarch Extra virgin olive oil to taste 1 carrot, chopped 1/2 green pepper, chopped 1/2 red pepper, chopped 1/2 onion, chopped Sesame seeds, to serve

•

• • • • •

For the sweet and sour sauce: 4 tbsp coconut or brown sugar 2 tbsp tomato paste 1 tbsp apple cider vinegar 1 tsp tamari or soy sauce 6 tbsp water (100 ml) 2 tsp cornstarch

1. Mix tamari or soy sauce and apple cider vinegar in a bowl until well combined. Add the tofu cubes and let rest for at least 5 minutes. Drain the tofu and transfer 1/3 of the tofu cubes to a freezer bag with 2 tbsp of cornstarch and toss to coat. Repeat this step with the rest of the tofu and cornstarch.

Add more cornstarch if needed.

2. Cook the tofu cubes in a skillet with a little bit of extra virgin olive oil over mediumhigh heat until all sides are golden brown.

Remove tofu from pan and set aside.

3. Cook the veggies in a frying pan with oil over medium-high heat until golden brown. Set aside.

4. To make the sauce just mix all the ingredients until well combined.

5. Add the sauce to a saucepan and cook until it thickens, stirring frequently.

6. Mix the tofu, veggies and sauce in the skillet, stir and cook for about 5 minutes over medium heat, stirring occasionally.

Serve with a sprinkling of sesame seeds

Vegan Tahini Chocolate Chip Cookies Makes 12-16 cookies • • • • • • • •

• • • •

175g wholewheat flour ½ tsp baking soda ¼ tsp baking powder 1 pinch sea salt 115g vegan butter spread 100g brown sugar 100g raw caster sugar 3 tbsp aquafaba (chickpea water) 120g tahini 1 tsp olive oil 2 tsp vanilla extract 175g vegan chocolate

1. In a medium bowl combine the flour, baking soda and baking powder with a pinch of sea salt.

2. In a large mixing bowl using an electric beater or a stand mixer, cream together the vegan butter and sugars, around 2 minutes.

3. While still mixing, add the aquafaba followed by the tahini, olive oil and vanilla and mix until combined and a little fluffy.

4. Remove the bowl from your stand mixer and add the dry ingredients and the 78 • THE GREEN PARENT

chocolate chunks, mixing until combined.

5. Cover the bowl with cling film and place the dough in the refrigerator for at least 2 hours - this will firm up the dough for rolling and create a chewier baked cookie. You can refrigerate the dough from 2 hours up to 24 hours.

6. Preheat the oven to 175ºC and line a baking tray with baking paper.

7. Roll around a tablespoon of the refrigerated dough into a rough ball. Lay 6 to 8 balls on your baking

tray (depending on its size) and pop in the oven for 15-20 mins.

8. Remove the baked cookies from the oven and allow them to cool slightly (they will deflate and crack beautifully during these few minutes) before gently setting them aside to continue baking the remaining dough.

9. Roll and bake the remaining dough. Store in an airtight container for up to 3 days.

10. Sit down with a mug of something warm and snuggly and DEVOUR!

life n otes

adventure dad Lee Newbery writes on navigating the waves of family life with his husband and their two year old son

I

was going to write something straightforward for this piece. I was going to write about days out at the seaside, about splashing in rockpools and giving your child free rein to explore and interact with arguably the biggest force of nature on the planet: the ocean. But then my mind took to wandering, and I thought of all these oceanic, nautical terms and how they relate to parenting. Riding the wave.

Stormy waters. Unknown territory. And, ultimately, I thought about ebb and flow.

Our little boy is now two, and as firsttime parents, myself and my husband are currently navigating some unfamiliar waters. We go through weeks where our son’s in a wonderful mood, where everything is all sunshine and rainbows and not even accidentally stepping barefoot on a stray building block can dull his shine.

But then those weeks end. And for no visible reason, it feels as though our child transforms into the monster from the abyss.

There could be a dozen reasons for such a change in mood. It could be teething. It could be that he’s feeling under the weather.

It could be, and most probably is, that he’s a tiny human being dealing with all of these

new emotions that are way too big for him to comprehend, and he doesn’t have the vocabulary yet to communicate that to us.

A few weeks ago, we were quite suddenly thrust into a swirling tempest of rage from our little one. Unlike other occasions, there actually was an identifiable cause to this change in temperament. We had some wider family issues going on which meant that there was a lot of disruption to our little boy’s daily life – it was something that we couldn’t help, and yet it was unsettling all the same. Our boy grew moody and temperamental.

We had a lot of shouting and screaming over the slightest inconvenience, and he generally just seemed gloomy.

It’s heart-breaking seeing your child like this. As a parent, you want nothing more than to see your child happy. Nothing we did felt right or good enough, and we ended up feeling quite helpless. Our frustration grew, and, I must confess, we did our fair share of shouting in return.

For two weeks, we were anxious about other things going on in our lives, and this seeped into our parenting. When I think about it, we were already anxious prior to

our boy’s mood change. Children are highly perceptive and sensitive to the energy surrounding them, and he was feeding off our apprehension. And combating a moody, unhappy toddler with moody, unhappy parenting is never a good combination.

So, we paused. We breathed. We recalled everything we’ve read about gentle parenting, about meeting these big toddler emotions with kindness, compassion and understanding. And honestly, it was like somebody pressed a reset button.

We had an epiphany moment where we asked ourselves, “What are we doing? Our little boy needs empathy. He needs to be talked to calmly when he’s got all these unmanageable feelings, and eventually we’ll be able to help him learn how to manage them. But first, we have to be calm.”

I’m not exaggerating when I say that the switch in our boy’s mood was almost immediate when we decided to reclaim control of our parenting. When we decided to calm down. It was as though he sensed the tension melting from our bodies, and the sunshine that followed was blissful.

Don’t get me wrong, he has still exhibited some challenging behaviour since, but if I feel more in control of my emotions, then I’m able to help him control his.

One day he will be able to put a name to his emotions, and he’ll be able to tell us: “I feel angry.” And, we’ll be able to tell him: “We understand that you feel angry, and that’s okay.”

So we do the only thing we can: we ride the wave, for now. We observe the ebb and flow of his moods, and we do our best to help him. We’re kind to him and each other, in the hope that we can get into calmer waters as quickly and as safely as possible. Because, like the tide, these moods come and go. And until he’s old enough to understand the world further, all we can do is stay calm on his behalf. Let him know that he is safe and loved and give him a secure place to express these difficult emotions.

Just like storms, it’s good to remember that anger and frustration are perfectly natural emotions to feel. It’s healthy to work your way through them. And, just like storms, these emotions will pass.

Being two is tough, but there are always sunny days just around the corner.

Lee is a father of one living in Wales with his husband. The family blog at theadventuresquad.blog.

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