GUM | 2012 by Grinnell Underground Magazine [GUM]

The Grinnell Underground Magazine

Issue I, Volume I, December 2012

the GUM

STORIES THAT STICK

A Letter from the Editors Anti-Semitism. Reverse racism. The Eurozone. Jack Taylor. Abortion clinics. Concussions. Zeitgeist. No Limits. We don’t know quite what the GUM, or Grinnell Underground Magazine, was. We don’t know which students were involved with it or what they wrote. We only know that it was a sardonic magazine, like a precursor to the B&S (but with jokes). The GUM presented students with an opportunity to express their subversive side. They filled its pages with [content] eschewing the administration, critiquing national politics, and pointedly protesting the segregation inherent to separate dining halls. Or not. We like to think they did. While that GUM has since ceased production, we—Nathan Forman ’15, Joe Wlos ’15, and Solomon Miller ’13—pilfered its title and reclaimed its exploitation of the first amendment. The GUM intends to print long-form, thought provoking articles and stories that pick apart the actions, ideas, and circumstances of student life. Over the course of the year, we will take submissions from anyone. Writers will decide their own topic, choose their own format, and write their piece as they see fit. We will print any idea. We have no criteria for publishing beyond our arbitrary assessment of writing quality. Our first issue discusses sexual assault, the queer experience and a professor’s experience, raucous alcoholic weekends and raucous sub-free weekends, social justice, and the future of financial aid. We tried to create a collage of the entire Grinnell student experience. We would like to extend special thanks to Abby Lowe for her assitance with layout, Vinita Singh for her awesome drawings, and Linda Beigel and Bradie Connor for their help editing. Enjoy. - Nathan, Solomon, and Joe

TABLE of CONTENTS Issue I, Volume I, December 2012

Non-Fiction 5

Queer Life @ Grinnell

Money Brawl

It’s Not that Simple

“There’s Nothing to Do”

An Alternative Weekend

Got Social Justice?

A conversation about LGBTQ experiences

Two vocal students debate financial aid policies

One woman’s struggle with sexual assault

Less self-gov leads to lackluster weekends

A discussion of sub-free lifestyles

First-year opinions on Grinnell’s ideology

Fiction

“I wouldn’t want to throw

a party because I’d want to leave before it got boring.” Page 21

No Sushi in Grinnell

Adventures of Atlanta Kay

#basedvice

A professor laments small town life

An outlandish story of superhuman feats

An advice column from the rapper Lil B

Meet Our Writers Kasey Fralick is a first year at Grinnell College from New Palestine, Indiana (you probably haven’t heard of it). She intends to major in biology with an environmental studies concentration, and she has no clue what she will do with that. A member of the debate team, PALS, Nerf at Noyce, GUM, and occasionally a writer for the S&B, Kasey has continued her lifelong trend of being over-involved in way too many things. She would like to thank her friends and family for being awesome, bow-ties for being cool, the Backstreet Boys for teaching us the definition of bad music, the Harry Potter series for existing, and whoever invented macaroni and cheese.

Kasey Fralick

Geo Gomez hails from the wild n’ out realm of Chicago. He hopes to one day win a Pulitzer Prize, and sometimes he thinks about what he would say in his acceptance speech. It usually turns into a lip-synch performance to “Crazy in Love.” Grinnell College is full of beautiful people and wonderful faculty and it’s a blessing to live and learn here.

Geo Gomez

Linnea Hurst is a second-year English major. She enjoys lying on the floor, making faces at babies, and using her magic bullet. When she was seven she punched a boy in the stomach. She would like to thank the GUM for existing, and for publishing her article. She would also like to thank Alex Anderson, Kenzie Doyle, Mike Korte, and Sangwoo Lee for coming forth with stories and opinions that allowed her to write it.

Linnea Hurst

Eliza-Eve Leas is Co-Editor-in-Chief of the Scarlet & Black, a Hall Wellness Coordinator, and a student mentor for the Economics Department and the Data Analysis and Social Inquiry Lab. She’s also an Economics major with a concentration in Global Development, but it’s her profound over-commitment to the Grinnell community that keeps her happy. She likes to think that her varied experiences at Grinnell have given her a unique perspective into the various policy changes the Administration is currently considering, but really it’s just that she is a student and administrators are not. Eliza-Eve definitely doesn’t try to be antagonistic; it just comes naturally.

Eliza-Eve Leas

Isaac Cannon Walker is a second year Economics double major. He was born to Mormon parents and baptized into the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter Day Saints on his 8th birthday. He lives now in Santa Fe, NM with his siamese cat, family, and boyfriend of 3 years. This is his first piece of nonacademic writing and he was pleasantly surprised by the challenge that it posed. His other interests include equestrianism and theater. He was a queer youth mentor for a gay theater group in which he performed the role of Chester the Gay Boy. His biggest theatrical influences are Madonna, Eric Idle, and Elton John.

Isaac Walker

Confident. Valient. Beautiful. COMPLETELY AWESOME!!! Alexander Johnathon Theodore Krempely III is a 4th year History and Education major from Grinnell College. He’s a juggler, unicyclist, and fire breather hoping to travel the world after graduation. Alex has also vowed to become the world’s greatest teacher, reforming global eduational policies as a result. He is eternally grateful for his loving friends and family who always encourage and support his ridiculous dreams. Want to learn more about Alex? Then go talk to him!

Alex Krempley

Linda Beigel was born on May 6, 1992 in the dull Los Angeles suburb of Torrance, CA. She spent most of her childhood reading historical fiction, eating frozen yogurt, and tending to her small menagerie of guinea pigs. Motivated by that special ennui unique to middle-class children of the suburbs, she left sunny Southern California behind in August 2010 and came to Grinnell, Iowa to “find herself.” She mostly found squirrels and free alcohol. She has always had an unusually fierce affinity for manatees, a fact that is now memorialized in the manatee tattoo that sits proudly on her right arm. Her favorite color is green.

Linda Beigel

Meet Our Editors

Nathan Forman is a second year political science major. Clangrala Senator, Vice President of the Debating Union, and former phonathon caller, Nathan’s voluminous vocabulary qualifies him as a vixen of verbiage. He attended the Charles E. Smith Jewish Day School from Kindergarten-4th grade, and 7th-12th. His formative middle school years were spent in Palo Alto, Ca. Nathan’s contrarian disposition, passion for nuance, and tendencies to wax poetic intrinsically inspire the GUM’s content and presentation.

Nathan Forman

Solomon Miller is a senior math major who wants a job. His favorite politicians are JFK, Lincoln, and Elizabeth Warren. His favorite writers are Robert Caro, Fyodor Dostoevsky, and Bruce Springsteen. In his “college exploration” days, he was a member of the Debating Union, a KDIC DJ, an SGA Senator and Reform Committee Chair, news reporter and Co-Editor-inChief for The Scarlet & Black, and “Brad” in the Rocky Horror Picture Show. His high school class of 800 voted him their “most opinionated” member.

Solomon Miller

Joe Wlos is a second-year newspaper refugee. After years of writing stories large (Barack Obama’s 2008 Election) and small (The History of Backpacks), he is happy to edit a magazine with such a diverse and vibrant set of viewpoints. Joe is from the south suburbs of Chicago, and he looks forward to returning home this Christmas Break. Because he calls it “Christmas Break,” readers should infer that he attended a small Catholic high school. Someday, he plans to create an HBO series based on that experience. In his free time, he likes to do classwork.

Joe Wlos

Queer Culture @ Grinnell By Geo Gomez Grinnell College is an openminded campus where people of all ethnicities and sexualities are accepted. Right? After all, could we call ourselves a liberal arts college if we didn’t love our gays? To determine if queerness is accepted at and integrated into Grinnell’s culture, it’s important to define the queer community. So what exactly does the queer community at Grinnell College look like? And what makes it different from the Grinnell community at large? How does the queer community fit into Grinnell’s broader culture? To answer these questions, I interviewed Grinnell students (and one alum!) to find out what the queer community has to say. I wanted to draw a portrait of a 21st century queer community at a liberal arts college because now is a definitive moment for queer communities everywhere. I think it’s important to ask these questions at Grinnell because it asks us to look at our community and really think about our place in it. Grinnell students are used to this kind of selfreflexive tradition, but beyond this, I wanted to do the queer community a service by providing an intimate and honest portrayal of what our colleagues and friends have to say about being queer in a time like this. In a place like Grinnell, is being queer even that big of a deal? At first I thought, maybe it isn’t.

Maybe I’m writing this article just because I love gay stuff. As I was telling my roommate and a friend about how I was writing an article on queer life at Grinnell, they gave me the traditional round of kudos for doing something I was interested in. Then, one of them mentioned how he had heard from a gay friend that the queer hookup scene was frustrating and difficult. “Yeah I don’t understand what that’s all about,” he said. I sat there for a second as my mind summoned the many reasons why the queer hookup scene can be frustrating. So I told my friend, “Well have you ever thought about how few queer people there are compared to straight people?” They looked at me for a moment until an Aha! look dawned on their faces. My roommate chirped up, “Oh, so you guys have less options?” “Uh, yeah,” I told him. “If you’re a straight guy trying to hook up with a girl and you don’t get the girl you’re hoping for, there are tons of other girls you could go for.” “But it’s not the same for you guys, because there are only so many queer people, right?” he asked me. Now they were starting to get it! “And what if they’re, like, your friend and you don’t want to hook up with them?” For a second, I was overwhelmed with the sensation of “How do they not know … ?” But then I thought, “How could they know?” This is when I realized that writing this article was im-

portant. Queer culture is something that, let’s be honest, straight people don’t usually immerse themselves in. But if I could put us out there and show people what we’ve got, maybe it would illuminate some things that the Grinnell community at large had never even considered. So I went around and interviewed queer Grinnellians. I didn’t know what kind of questions I could ask to get a sense of people’s queer experience. Did that mean I needed to ask them how much they love RuPaul? Whether they prefer Madonna or Lady Gaga? If they were a member of the SRC? But as I began to interview, I didn’t need to ask questions about gay shit. These people were willing to open up to me about their lives if prompted in the right direction, as if they were waiting for the opportunity to talk about their queer experiences. As I interviewed them, I found some wonderful insight on the queer community and how it functions within Grinnell. I got a real sense of the personal triumphs, frustrations, fears, and love that queer students feel at Grinnell. This is not so much a profile of several queer Grinnelians, as it is a description of some of the experiences, strategies, and motivations of the queer community. I interviewed Isaac Walker ‘15, Deshuan Peters ‘14, Austin McKenny ‘15, Keilah Courtney ‘13, Violeta Ruiz Espigires ‘15, Christian Castaign ‘14, Michael Riegsecker ‘15 and alumnus Zoe Schein ‘12.

The way that these queer students negotiated their places in the Grinnell community on a daily basis was fascinating. It’s a constant process of adjustment and self-analysis. We’ve all learned what to look out for, how to project ourselves, and, perhaps most importantly: how to adjust behavior to fit the groups that we’re in.

QUESTION: Do you identify as queer, and when did you identify as such and to who? Isaac Walker: I would identify first as gay and then queer. I came out sophomore year of high school, so I was all the way out when I came to Grinnell. Deshaun Peters: I identify as queer. I made a realization my sophomore year of high school. A close friend had kind of always known, but that’s when I came out to my immediate family. Austin McKenny: I’ve identified as queer since I was 15 years old. Pretty heavy set in queer identity [transmale] when I got here. Keilah Courtney: I do identify as queer. The label I use for the sake of simplicity is bisexual. Christian Castaign: I do identify as queer. I would say that I’m a gay man. Violeta Ruiz: I don’t say I’m queer. I say I’m gay. I tend to evade saying I’m a lesbian. I don’t know why, but I think there’s a lot of assumptions that come with the word. Zoe Schein: I do identify as queer. It’s the easiest term to use. Michael Riegsecker: Just gay at this point. I used to identify as bisexual but I’m not really interested in going back to girls at the moment. It was funny, because people hesitated when asked to give their name and sexual orientation. Although I wanted to present my interview subjects as more than just names and labels, I could tell from the hesitation of my interviewees thatthese were words they felt the need to choose carefully. QUESTION: Do you think that queer life at Grinnell is different from queer life from where you come from? Violeta: In Spain, when I was 16 and one of my friends came out, she

made friends with a shit ton of lesbians. The friend-group was very incestuous. This friend who dated this friend who’s the ex of this friend and now wants to get with this friend. And it’s something I see here in Grinnell. Austin: Yeah, it’s definitely different. The L-word is totally a real thing! At least in Atlanta: circles of people who have slept together. The culture at Grinnell is a lot more positive here than in the south, where there’s a lot of homophobia. The L-Word is a reality TV show that follows the lives of young, hip queer women from different parts of the U.S. The show does not hold back on the sauciness, ripe with scenes of women canoodling in showers and under bed sheets. Isaac: For me, it’s very visible in Madison, but it’s a small group. Most of them are out and proud for the most part, but it’s a minority culture. Keilah: In West Hollywood, queerness is not something necessary seen as something to be celebrated or worth fighting for. It’s tolerated. Christian: Queer life in Grinnell is very small. Grinnell queer life here is so different because it’s so ingrained in what people are learning about the LGBQT community and its so central to how we understand queerness, where that’s not the case in San Francisco. Michael: I’m from Goshen, Indiana and there is no queer scene as far as I know of. This summer I met someone who introduced me to his gay friend group of like 8 people, but I wouldn’t say there’s a community for 32,000. Deshuan: Back in Chicago, we can see a distinction between what I do in Chicago or when I’m in the Southside. Grinnell is a safer place for all types of expression. You won’t get that type of freedom in lots of other places. Whenever I hear a mention of Chicago, my ears perk up. I know the Southside that Deshuan is talking about; a place where the ideal queer presentation is a mix of self-assured confidence and don’t-fuck-with-me hardness. QUESTION: Do you ever find yourself navigating selves? For ex-

ample, the token queer vs. someone who happens to be queer? Christian: When I was younger, I had some shitty experiences when I couldn’t hide that I was gay and people would call me out on it. I wish I could go back in time and say some sassy comment, but I was just angry at the time. Now I focus first and foremost that I’m safe, before I can identify in any way. Austin: I don’t usually censor myself around people because of their sexuality. But sometimes I do that with people with different majors; I wouldn’t want to talk about queer theory with people I don’t know very well because its kind of pretentious. I feel like that makes me a token queer. Zoe: I’m gonna have my style, and if that means people know I’m queer, I don’t care. If I’m walking down the street in my boy pants and short haircuts, I’m aware that I like look gay. I’ve very rarely been around people who were actively trying to assimilate. Michael: I just don’t want to come off as not serious about our athletics. I want to fit in better. I don’t talk about gayness as much because it’s not something they can relate to. I have queer friends that I talk to about that stuff. Isaac: Well It’s mostly with straight

And I never ever fully step out of my intersections. Deshaun: Being black and identifying as queer, growing up with a Baptist Christian family, the gay identity is very hard to come to terms with. There’s culture between being black or they really dislike queer identity, and I had to learn how to interact with both identities; black and queer not being able to meld. Isaac: I wish I could be like Dorian Corey from Paris Is Burning, who’s just so open and doesn’t hide anything about who he is. I want that to be me.

men that I change my performativity. I’m less likely to be like, “omg Ke$ha,” you know. I also change my voice when I’m with gay men or women when compared to men. I’m more likely to talk about what men talk about. I know exactly the kind of switching that Isaac is talking about. I’ve caught myself doing it on multiple occasions. But I’ve also admired myself when I don’t feel the need to do it; when I get straight friends to watch an episode of RuPaul’s Drag Race or get their opinions on the latest One Direction song as I’m fan-boying over Niall, my Irish prince from One Direction. Keilah: I get frustrated with myself that I sometimes think conversations are only for certain people. And that’s not me talking the talk that I believe in. Christian: When I’m with my friends I can be whoever I want to be. But outside of that, that person can’t exist. It’s something I’ve accepted and internalized but at the same time part of me hopes and wishes that one day I won’t have to worry about this, that one day LGBQT people will have a right to exist publically in all spheres. Keilah: It’s impossible to break all my identities apart, and I refuse to do so. I am a queer black woman from Los Angeles from a lower middle class working family. All of that works with each other and I would be a completely different person if one of those things changed.

QUESTION. Grinnell’s reputation as accepting of queerness: Is that the reality? Does that affect your comfort at Grinnell? Deshuan: Heterosexuality is the norm, and everything [else] is deviance, from birth. Once you become older and more comfortable in your old skin, you push and push because you were pushed down for so long, and your own identity and identification was stifled the way you were brought up and people were so forceful. But when I came here, some senior queer students, Juan Garcia and Lily Cross, really helped me be ok with going for it. Zoe: There are these people encouraging you to be self-reflexive and be self-conscious, and partially it’s people who for four years said, “You are of value, you belong to this community in some way, and you’re important.” You can’t overestimate how that affects you. That’s affirmation that a lot of queer people don’t get. It feels good going into the world thinking I’m of value to someone, to a community, and I have something to contribute. I found myself agreeing with what Zoe was saying. There have been nights when I’ve gone out dressed to the T with a snakeskin dress, pearls, and black lipstick. Before I went out to face the music, I fidgeted in my room as I adjusted every part of my outfit. “This isn’t Drag Show,” I remember thinking. “You got some nerve dressin’ up.” Yet, that night, I had praise heaped upon me like a homecoming veteran. Every compliment from my peers reminded me of how special the queer community here was; I wasn’t just receiving support from fellow queers, but the community at large was letting me do my thing and loving it! With every compliment, I was reminded that only at a place

like Grinnell could I ever do what I did— casually wear a dress and lipstick on the weekend. If I did so in the real world, I could potentially be putting my safety, not just my pride, at risk. But here, I never felt threatened in the slightest. Violeta: I haven’t encountered anyone feeling uncomfortable with me being openly gay. I feel more confident to say, “Yeah I’m gay.” But the myth that we’re so open and aware is not all true. I was talking about AIDs with a Russian major, and he said if it’s an issue it wouldn’t be talked about. It wasn’t till last year when being gay was legal. What do you see wrong with it? It straight up associates AIDS with gay people. Michael: I feel comfortable in almost every setting unless I’m around the football/baseball/basketball team. They make me a little uncomfortable but that’s the only time I feel particularly uncomfortable. But I don’t feel like I’m at any disadvantage not interacting with those people. Keilah: I think Grinnell is definitely more accepting of queerness than many other campuses. The way that affects me is I feel a lot safer here. I know that if I put on an event. And it’s an incredible privilege that I often have to check. I think for the most part Grinnell can put its money where its mouth is. How many schools could you have cross dress to class day, or a queer professor and nobody bats an eye. Or you can say in class that you are queer, and it’s “on to the next reading”. I think sometimes in social situations, people are flawed and that’s ok. Michael: I just recently got involved with the SRC, specifically Queer Athletes and Allies. We’re trying to bring awareness to the dynamics of athletics and how it’s a very different atmosphere. A couple years ago at the SRC flip cup tournament, someone on the sports team called someone else a faggot. Because some of the sports teams don’t have openly queer people on them, they’re not very sensitive to those kinds of things. Christian: In our age group, we either adopt the whole “progressive” label and group ourselves together or separate ourselves. There needs to be more conversations about where I’m at and where you’re at and sometimes it doesn’t happen and that’s disappointing.

Deshaun: I feel like there’s an effort to be a cohesive community but there’s a lot of disconnect between all the groups on campus. There are people coming to terms with their queerness, people who’ve established themselves as queer accepted it for a long time, then there’s the straight community. Violeta: Especially here when you think oh we’re liberal we vote for Obama, but there are so many people here that are oblivious to so many things and not interested in changing their opinion. People here are like Social Justice we do so many things to be progressive. But we’re not accomplishing anything if I have conversations with people everyday who hold these kinds of beliefs. People need to be able to step out of themselves. Isaac: I feel like there’s this ridiculous dream that if you bring all different people from different background to a place like Grinnell, that they’ll lose their previous preconceived notions and behavior and just love each other. Michael: For how progressive this school is I feel like I feel like the minority groups on campus are not so progressive. Not saying that I think these groups are destructive or exclusive. I just wish they would make it aware to everyone on campus that everyone is welcome. I don’t even know the other racial groups on campus. And maybe that says something that I don’t even know what they are. They’re not even a presence on campus. At least, I’ve not noticed them really. If the point of that group is to bring those people together, I feel like they shouldn’t be offended when they’re not reaching out. Keilah: I think at Grinnell, the queer super powers have their hearts in the right place. They push the dialogue and they push the activities and they really try to put the theory into action. But I’ve also heard people complain about everything. From the way something was phrased, to who was running an event, to how it was too ambitious, how it wasn’t ambitious enough. I personally appreciate the dialogue that comes from it, but I have no patience for people who have nothing to do but bitch and moan. I know too many people in this community who want to work for a greater community for Grinnell than for people to offer their own two cents then leave. There’s never gonna be a perfect solution. But if we understand that

we’re working towards an ideal, then I think we can get there. Progressiveness: the queer community’s greatest advantage as well as its greatest weakness? Perhaps we’re so critical of our own identities that we sometimes forget to acknowledge that our efforts are geared towards building a community. The kind of issues that Michael brings up demonstrate that the queer community is not all on the same page. So how can we reach out to the Grinnell community at large when there are divisions within the queer community itself? I’m not sure how we can do this, but we must acknowledge that these divisions exist before we can develop plans to bridge these gaps. Isaac: Well there is The Track Team. I don’t know how queer people on track team actually feel, but the fact that there are gay men integrated into the track team is pretty cool. They’re just kinda chillin’. Zoe: The community is nice. Every part of campus is plastered in safe space posters. In 2010 and 2011 that vandalism. When campus was vandalized about “all fags need to die” it really upset me. But I had non-queer friends who wrote me “I have no idea what you’re feeling, but I’m with you. And if there’s anything you need, I stand behind you 100%”. The campus culture is not perfect, politically, but people have big hearts. They wanna be behind you as much as they can, and sometimes they don’t know how, but it’s there. Christian: My first year, there was a hate crime on campus against a lesbian student, whose room was graffitied and vandalized. There was massive campus action: queer students and straight allies stopped going to class and sat in front of the JRC. That student no longer goes here, unfortunately, but the way that the students and even faculty stopped and was like this is not ok was incredible. QUESTION: Do you find it difficult to pursue or have a relationship on campus? Hook-Up Culture? Isaac: I think it’s different in that they’re like a very restricted number I don’t want to speak for the whole queer culture cuz I only hook up with gay men. It takes the same way the

hookup culture works at Grinnell. It’s a limited pool of people to hook up with; you’re also connected to them in other ways and you’re part of the queer community and if you’re not friends, you have mutual friends. I don’t want to bash the gay hook up culture but it seems incestuous to me and that turns me off. Deshaun: The queer community is so small and you find those people in the beginning. IN the beginning, you get into friend zone so it’s difficult to pass that zone and then you want to keep them as friends so a part of the community is crossed off. Michael: There’s a lot of overlap in terms of friends and who you’ve hooked up with. In the straight community there are men and women and they hook up with the other half. In the queer community, it’s a different social dynamic. I was involved with this guy and we eventually realized that we had hooked up with three of the same people. Violeta: Yes it is incestuous you find yourself talking much more with people you’ve hooked up with in one random night. For example, if I was to hook up with some random guy on the football team, I would never interact with him because I don’t hang out with those people. But in the queer community you can’t do that because everybody knows each other. Keilah: I’ve had some very unpleasant hookup situations with the opposite sex mostly with the fact that I was not respected and seen more as a means to an ends as opposed to a human being. But with other women, I was treated like a human being. We established consent and we respected boundaries and it being more about being two people who wanted to enjoy each other. Christian: I’ve had my ups and downs with the hookup culture and the dating culture, but I’ve kind learned to move on beyond the petty aspects of awkwardness or cattiness, but I think overall, if I could go out and hookup I would and feel comfortable about it. I think feelings get hurt very easily and sometimes if you’re dealing with people who aren’t incredibly stable or secure, you’re playing with fire. Austin: One thing I find more of an

impediment to partners on campus is like sex positivity for me looks different than a lot of peoples’ on campus. I’m very sex positive, but I also identify as gray-sexual. Therefore, sex positivity for me looks different than people who are sexual. That would be more of an impediment I guess. There is heart in saying that we’re sex positive but we have a long way to go. The whole campus isn’t talking about it together, we’re not gonna reach a lot of conclusions and it’s going to be a sex-nebulus for a while. The conversation just has to be more organized. Christian: I think the hookup culture is typical of anyone our age group going through college. But I think when it comes to the queer community, you can build up reputations, and those stick to you. Once you have a reputation and you can only hook up within a certain pool of people because you’re gay, it’s like “fuck!” I think ultimately it hurts everyone because we want to be sex positive but we don’t know how because we don’t know what the hell we’re doing.

9 So there you have it. These queer students can’t speak for the entirety of the queer experience at Grinnell, a fact that they each acknowledged at one point or another. However, each of their experiences and opinions are valid, and together, they provide a snapshot of Grinnell’s queer community. at this moment in time And, honestly, I think these students should be proud of themselves. Grinnell has a thriving queer community that’s integrated itself into Grinnell culture at large, something that’s been made possible through a combination of the devoted efforts of queer students and the open arms of the Grinnell community. Like Deshaun said, maybe queerness will always be regarded as a deviation from the norm. But these students have demonstrated that queerness is not something to be ashamed of, but rather something to be celebrated: something that allows us to explore identity and community in entirely ways. Here’s to queerness, and here’s to fucking shit up!

MONEY

Two S&B edi financial aid and

This September, Grinnell announced that it is considering a slate of new admissions policies to increase revenue and fix the College’s looming budget shortfall. The most controversial changes include ending or somehow qualifying our policy of need-blind admissions for domestic students. The least invasive are already being implemented.

Eliza-Eve Leas ’13 and Solomon Miller ’13 are both known for their outspoken presence in campus discussions. Eliza-Eve Leas, an Editorin-Chief of the Scarlet & Black , contributed significantly to the S&B ’s staff editorials on the subject. Solomon Miller covered school policy at the S&B for three years and last year served as Editor-in-Chief. Solomon Miller: It’s easy to think of Grinnell’s values as priceless, but our admissions policies have a very real cost. Our job is to find the best use of resources to meet our goals. We are constrained by our bottom line. As times change, so do the College’s finances. The cost of higher education is rising—everywhere. So too is the number of qualified

students from low-income families who choose to come to Grinnell. Yesterday’s admissions and financial aid policies will not be affordable tomorrow. We need to be willing to change, dramatically. We should keep need-blind admissions, and we will. Need-blind admissions are more fair. We can still afford them. Everyone seems to agree on this. Likewise, everyone agrees that we should meet the full need of each student we admit. Let’s talk instead about what recruiting policies and demographic targets we can change to raise money in the short run, and what we can do to mitigate the rising cost of education in the long run. Eliza-Eve Leas: I’m not so concerned with maintaining our “need-blind” gold-standard label. On the surface, it makes sense that need-blind admissions are more fair. But as the College has demonstrated during the town halls, there are sneaky and subtle ways of changing our demographics and preferentially admitting wealthy students without forgoing our need-blind status. Replacing low-income students with high-income students—and thereby perpetuating the systemic inequalities that they face—is fundamentally unjust. Yet Grinnell claims that social justice is a key aspect of our unique education. At a town hall meeting organized to discuss upcoming changes to the financial aid policy, VP Joe Bagnoli said that Grinnell aims for a “profile

BRAWL

itors debate Grinnell’s values of an incoming class that reflects our core values as an institution”; he then listed Grinnell’s three core values as academic excellence, diversity, and social responsibility. By targeting wealthy students to the detriment of poor students, we would be violating two of our three values—if not all three, if we end up admitting mediocre but wealthy students. And by doing it while continuing to operate as an officially need-blind institution, we would be lying to our incoming and applying students about the kind of students they will find here. Solomon Miller: No one is entitled to a spot at Grinnell. More people deserve a Grinnell-quality education than we can possibly admit. We can’t embark on some quixotic quest to round up hundreds of thousands of deserving high school students and offer them free poli sci classes, Harris parties, and a Grinnell T-shirt. Many of the administration’s proposed tactics focus on recruiting students who we already admit, but who choose to go to other schools over Grinnell. If early action or a few thousand dollars in grant money makes Grinnell their first choice, then let’s start today. These kids will elevate the discussions in their classes, become leaders of student organizations, and graduate to be successful alumni and spread the values that we reinforce in them. They’ll raise our academic profile and our ranking, and rightfully so. We’ll be a better school, more able

to realize our goals. It’s not because they have more money; it’s because they are among the most qualified applicants. They’ve already shown academic potential and a commitment to social justice. They are among the students we admit first. We just need to seal the deal. Eliza-Eve Leas: Education is—or at least, should be—the great equalizer. It’s true that students who are well-qualified and wealthy, but who tend to reject Grinnell, could potentially elevate the discussion in an intro poli sci class, because of their preparation in better schools and the benefits of highly-educated parents; but I doubt they would do so in a senior seminar. In fact, I believe that Grinnell generates positive externalities in society by taking students who did not receive the most support or resources and giving them the opportunity to achieve their potential. I would even argue that we don’t go far enough. However, I am not arguing that the College should pursue a “quixotic quest” to provide a Grinnell-quality education to every 18-year-old in America. As socially-just as universal higher education sounds, I admit that it would be impossible and impractical. I do believe, however, that stu

dents who got better scores on their SATs, came from prestigious high schools, or played the violin four hours a day are no more deserving of a Grinnell education than a student who did not achieve as high of an SAT score (because of the race and class biases inherent to the test), who attended a low-income school, and who spent hours working every afternoon. The metrics that tell Grinnell who is “high achieving” and who isn’t are biased in favor of the middle and upper class. While the College can’t reform education overnight, it should not actively participate in the unequal access created before students reach our application process. And I think that lowering the standards of merit aid for wealthy students, as has been proposed, is grossly misguided: as is anything that financially rewards people for already being rich. I think this is the fundamental roadblock to changing our policies: by preferencing high-income students over low-income students—even on

the basis of “high achievement”— Grinnell becomes complicit in the perpetuation of class differences. Solomon Miller: Few people in history have done more to fight class inequality than Grinnellian Harry Hopkins, class of 1912, the architect of the New Deal. His Grinnell education, in no small part, set him on that path. It’s not that Hopkins was rich when he came to Grinnell—he wasn’t— but he benefited from a college that sought to train leaders in social justice. Those were the days of President John Main, who asked Grinnellians, “to see and to give, to hope and to work, as they did who placed the College in our keeping.” What Grinnell College does in our square mile campus is preparation for what Grinnell alumni will do for the rest of their lives. That is our first method of advancing social justice. President Kington may not be as eloquent as his centen-

nial predecessor, but our current Grinnell must still be dedicated to educating students who better the world. Money we spend on financial aid is money we can’t spend on better programming for our students. The President of Vassar, Catharine Hill, copied your basic argument in a recent letter to the editor of the New York Times. “There is no reason to think,” she concluded, “that an extra dollar spent on a high-income talented student will be more valuable to society than an extra dollar on a low-income, equally talented student.” Her philosophy is right, but her math is wrong. The choice facing colleges today is whether to spend an extra dollar on educating more low-income students or many extra dollars educating some lower and some higher-income students. Yes, the higher-income students are more likely to get an education elsewhere if we don’t recruit them to Grinnell, but Grinnell will arouse in them a sense of civic duty

Grinnell’s Financial Op

Increase the Loan Cap

Expand Merit Aid

More Iowans

Option A

Option B

Option C

that Harvard or Amherst won’t. We need quality professors, residential services, symposiums and speakers to complement our ethos and our traditions. And that takes money. Eliza-Eve Leas: Everything takes money. That’s the whole point. But deserving a Grinnell education should not take money. It should take intelligence, dedication, creativity, and a host of other characteristics. But it should not take money. An SGA senator recently argued that she would prefer Grinnell stuck to its social justice ideals even if that meant dropping down to a second-tier institution status. While I’m not sure I would go that far, I agree with the basic principle. If we violate our principles, can we lay any claim to greatness as an institution? Of course, rhetoric is easy. Principles, values, the fundamental unjustness of preferencing wealthy

kids over low-income kids, etc. But the devil is in the details, and the details on this one do not look pretty. First of all, many of the policies proposed to increase wealthy students would actually lower our student profile (which is really saying something given my previous discussion of the metrics already being biased in favor of those students). Furthermore, the decrease in economic diversity--or the polarization caused by admitting only students at each end of the spectrum in an attempt to maintain Pell numbers--will certainly lower the quality of classroom discussion. I’m not just worried about the classroom. As a residential college, Grinnell offers students a whole world to learn about other people, differences and similarities. Our horizons are broadened by our classmates across the DHall table and on High St. What will it mean to come to a school where nobody challenges you on your class assumptions, because

you’re all from the same class? And the joke is on the administration if they think that by keeping a high proportion of students receiving Pell Grants they’ll maintain economic diversity. Two ends of the spectrum do not equate to diversity; raise your hand if you’ve heard prep school graduates refer to “scholarship kids.” As I wrote earlier, changing our admittance policies to preferentially admit wealthy students is contrary to at least two of the three values Vice President Bagnoli mentioned: diversity and social responsibility. I’d like to add academic excellence to the list now, given that a decrease in socioeconomic diversity will affect learning, both in the classroom and outside of it. So, Solomon (and President Kington, if you’re reading this): tell me how Grinnell plans to pursue these changes and remain “Grinnell”? Might as well change our name to Griddlebury. Or Gramherst.

ptions (Select Policies) More Internationals

Enforce Form Deadlines

Introduce Early Action

Become Need-Aware

It’s Not That Simple

My Struggle with Sexual Assault By Linda Beigel [Trigger Warning: This is a first-person account of sexual assault.] “Last spring, I was sexually assaulted—twice.” This sentence is true. This sentence is one I have spoken and written many times, with ever-increasing frequency over the past few months. This sentence floats in and out of my consciousness all day, a lens that colors my perceptions, that changes the way I speak, the way I act, the way I think. Most of all, this is a sentence that does not even come close to telling the full story. Because what if, … what if, … and I know not to blame the victim, I know, I know, I know, but what if, … what if the victim honestly fucked up? “If you’re stupid enough to put yourself in those situations, you deserve whatever happens to you.” This sentence, I do not speak or write. This sentence follows in the wake of the first, always trailing just a step behind, to remind me (lest I become too comfortable indulging in self-pity) that I brought this all upon myself.

HOW I FUCKED UP #1 – January 2012

• Mistake #1: Being a drunk girl at Harris • Mistake #2: Leaving Harris with a stranger after dancing with him for about 30 seconds • Mistake #3: Consenting to sex, even though I told myself before I started drinking that the most I would do that night was make out • Mistake #4: Saying yes when asked if I wanted to “try something kinky” • Mistake #5: Not demanding clarification as to what exactly he meant by “kinky” • Mistake #6: Not immediately kicking him out when it turned out “kinky” was humiliating and painful—so painful I had to ask him to stop almost immediately • Mistake #8: Not punching him in the fucking face when he re-penetrated me without changing the condom, as I had asked him to • Mistake #9: Making out with him at several other parties after the night in question (although I never ended up taking him back to my room again) The “kinky” act in question was anal sex, without lube. He knew what he was doing. He had had anal sex before, and I’m sure he knew that without lube, it is extraordinarily painful. I was not asked or even warned before penetration; he simply did what he wanted to my body without concern for my emotional or physical wellbeing. His sexual gratification, it seems, was far more important to him than sparing me the risk of a bacterial infection, sparing me the shame of the blood he drew from my body, sparing me the humiliation I feel each time I tell this story. He just didn’t care.

HOW I FUCKED UP #2 – April 2012 • Mistake #1: Being a drunk girl at Harris • Mistake #2: Leaving with a friend of a friend and assuming the lack of anonymity ensured my safety • Mistake #3: Assuming he would put on the condom I handed him, as I asked • Mistake #4: Smiling bemusedly upon finding the unused condom on the floor the next morning (Rage would have been a more appropriate response) • Mistake #5: Hooking up with him again many times throughout the rest of the semester, always without a condom, because I never got the nerve to ask him to wear one again after that first time.

Tough to pity someone that dumb, isn’t it? One of the worst parts is knowing I’m smarter than that. Really. I’m so much smarter than that. I know better than to leave Harris with some sketchy guy I’ve never even seen before. But this train of thought is no good. Once you start to pull at the threads, the whole thing comes apart; it’s nothing but slutshaming. Good girls don’t hook up, right? Or rather, smart girls don’t? I shouldn’t have to be “smart” enough to only have sex in committed monogamous relationships. I should be able to fuck any willing partner, relationship or no, without fear of being assaulted. So no, I’m not “smarter than that.” In fact, I, the informed consumer, was actively seeking random dudes for no-strings-attached sex. The whole point of my grand experimentation with the hook up scene was to leave Harris with as many sketchy guys as I wanted. Liking sex, seeking out sex, doesn’t make me a bad person, and it doesn’t mean I don’t have boundaries, or that it’s okay to transgress them. So screameth feminism, into the patriarchal void. It’s almost funny to remember the way I thought taking GWSS classes and reading angsty Third Wave blogs was a kind of protection—I thought it meant that men couldn’t use me anymore. I thought it meant I could go out and play the field, have hot but meaningless encounters, and stick with it as long as I wanted to, because SEXUAL LIBERATION and BIRTH CONTROL and ORGASMS. I thought nothing bad could happen to me. Now I can’t help but feel a little betrayed. Wasn’t this all supposed to be liberating? Wasn’t I supposed to feel good about hooking up? Am I just doing it wrong? Or, more sinister still, is this all just some elaborate plot of patriarchy? To make you feel safe, make you feel like you’re in control, and then BAM! Surprise anal sex!? To leave you stunned and speechless thinking, “Well, I wanted to experiment, didn’t I?” To leave you with some nagging voice in the back of your mind, whispering, “Something was off, something about that wasn’t quite right,”a voice you ignore and ignore and ignore, because—and understand this, please understand—because you don’t want to be a victim. Understand that I ignored that voice for months in the hopes that it would go away, because once you see yourself as a victim, everything has to change. The ground shifts under your feet and the certainties you put faith in lose their power. If I have been assaulted, then what does it mean that I let both of those men touch me again, kiss me again, that I even sought them out? Do I I’m not sure. Let’s wait. have so little respect for myself, so little No! I’m not ready. self-worth? Am I really that sad, that paI need more time. thetic? To accept that I have been assault- I’m not sure. ed is to acknowledge that I am not the I need more time. woman I thought I was. I’m not sure.

Passages from the Grinnell Sexual Misconduct Policy Non-Consensual Sexual Intercourse or rape is any sexual intercourse (anal, oral, or vaginal), • however slight, • with any object, • by a man, woman, or transgender(ed) person upon a man, woman, or transgender(ed) person • without effective consent Sexual exploitation happens: • when a student takes non-consensual, unjust or abusive advantage of another for his/her/hir own advantage or benefit, • or to benefit or advantage anyone other than the one being exploited, • and that behavior does not otherwise constitute one of the other three sexual misconduct offenses. Effective Consent - Effective Consent is informed, freely and actively given, mutually-understandable words or actions, which indicate a willingness to participate in mutually-agreed upon sexual activity. Consent is not effective if it results from the use of physical force, threats, intimidation, or coercion.

putting myself in danger, then no more guilt, no more panic, no more shame — just no more. But the definitions don’t change. Each time I check, after waking up or in between classes or late at night, each time I check, the answers are still staring me in the face. No. No, I was not informed. No, the sexual activity was not mutually-agreed upon. No, I did not give effective consent. Yes. Yes, I am a survivor. I know that on the spectrum of sexual violence, my experiences are on the milder end. I know the physical pain I felt, the emotional pain I feel, is not the same, is maybe not even in the same ballpark as many other survivors. But I am still a survivor, and I will not apologize for labeling myself as such, not anymore. Because I can’t ever go back now, can’t ever be the same woman I used to be, who felt safe. Now I know I’m not. Now I know that there are men who will look at me and see a means to an end. They’ll see tits, an ass, a potential orgasm; they’ll weigh how naïve I look, how timid I look, how easy I’ll be to manipulate. They’ll see an orifice. A receptacle. I need more time. I have to walk around each day I’m not sure. Let’s wait. knowing I have already met two No! I’m not ready. such men, knowing the way they saw Let’s wait. me; sometimes I can’t help but see No! I’m not ready. myself that way too. Weak. Cheap. I’m not ready. Easy. I need more time. Let’s wait. Not worth the 15 fucking seconds it *** No! I’m not ready. takes to put on a fucking condom. Let’s wait. And I can’t ever, won’t ever, forgive mySo, you see, my one shot at redemption is I’m not ready. I need more time. self. I will always feel ashamed, humiliated, the fading hope that it wasn’t sexual assault. less-than, living with the knowledge that these Let’s wait. The logic is simple: if they did nothing wrong men thought they could treat me like shit and get then I have not been wronged then I can go to Harris away with it. And they were right. without fear, then I can drink without worrying that I’m

No!

There’s No Sushi in G As he walked back from Mears, he decided that he would eat out ...

This is the story of Nathaniel, a professor at Grinnell College. He is 5’10, and just started working at the college. His students like him because he wears colorful shirts and has a pleasant voice. He teaches English literature, and loves to read. Nathaniel’s story invites us to think about living and thriving in Grinnell and some of the challenges that arise in our physical and social environment. Nathaniel is based on a real professor and his real experiences. Welcome to the City of Grinnell! The first thing Nathaniel saw as he drove into Grinnell was a painted wooden sign on the side of Route 6. It was cheerful and colorful; the red in the lettering matched the large red anthurium flowers that covered his shirt. He was excited to be in Grinnell, in a new place, at a new job.

When he uncovered Helen’s affair he found a new school to teach at, left the city, and filed for divorce. He rented a car at the airport. The drive had been long and flat, but the sky was beautiful: blue and empty, except for a handful of fluffy white clouds that looked as if they had been painted on. He enjoyed the change. After passing the welcome sign, he drove to the apartment that he had found online. It was on Main Street. The landlord, a middle-aged man in a grey Iowa Hawkeyes sweatshirt, met Nathaniel with a broad smile. Nathaniel smiled back. The landlord let him into the apartment. “If you need anything in the next couple days,” he said, “Let me know.” Nathaniel thanked him. He had shipped down all of his furniture, including his favorite russet red leather armchair and was planning to spend the next day unpacking and arranging the apartment. The apartment was entirely bare with plain white walls, but had natural light from the south-facing window. Nathaniel appreciated the brick fireplace in the living room. Given some time he was sure that he could make the apartment a great place to live. Besides, if he stayed at Grinnell for enough time he would probably want to move into a house. And he could picture himself sticking around. “In conclusion, the medusa serves as a symbolic representation of the castrating power of the female, while simultaneously enabling the male to break away from his all-enveloping mother,” Nathaniel said. The four students in his seminar filed out of the room. Nathaniel gathered his papers and picked up his 32 ounce Kum & Go mug. He took a swig of coffee. It was cold. He grimaced. It was 4:05 and the winter sun was already setting. As he walked downstairs to his

office he tried to decide what to eat for dinner. He had eaten pasta the night before. “Welcome to Grinnell. It’s great to have you here,” said Andrew as he shook Nathaniel’s hand. He had saltand-pepper hair and a grey wool suit. Nathaniel thought that his thin glasses framed his face well. “Thank you,” said Nathaniel, “It’s great to be here. I’m excited to finally meet some of my students.” He was going to be teaching Literary Analysis and a seminar on Irish literature. He had been told that the students at Grinnell were hard-working and bright, which would be a nice change from the students that he had worked with in Colorado. Andrew was the chair of the English department. He had been teaching at Grinnell for almost 10 years, and had just written a book on “Benito Cereno.” Nathaniel was looking forward to reading it. He had also published a book the year before and he wanted to compare the two. “The English department wants to take you out to dinner tonight, so that you can get to know all of us. It’s a big department,” said Andrew. “That sounds fun,” said Nathaniel. The first month of classes was everything that Nathaniel had ever dreamed of. On Monday one of his Literary Analysis students complimented his green shirt. All of his students had completed the short reading that he had assigned them, even though he had assigned it over summer vacation. He had put a potted pine tree in the window of his apartment and some potted flowers in the window of his office. He got along well with other faculty, and he was pleasantly surprised to discover that Andrew’s book was in fact better than his. It was succinct and eloquent literary pragmatism and was

Grinnell . . . groundbreaking in its field. The second month was harder. Every day as he walked the block from his apartment to his office on campus he was reminded of how small Grinnell was. His relationships with most of the other faculty had reached a roadblock because they were obsessed with departmental drama and jostling. The English department had splintered down the middle because of the decision to hire a controversial new professor. All of their bickering started to remind him of Helen and how she used to goad him about the smallest things. In the third month he adopted a dog from the animal shelter to keep him company. The dog, whom he named Alex, was a slight golden retriever who was almost always barking, but got along well with other dogs. Constantly filled with a hyper, yet infectious, energy, his tail never stopped wagging. Alex was the best dog at playing fetch; he could find the ball wherever it went, and always dropped it back at Nathaniel’s feet without argument. Nathaniel started going on long walks with Alex, trying to get as far away from his apartment and the tiny campus as possible. As he walked back to his apartment from Mears Cottage, Nathaniel decided that he would eat out. He had been cooking and eating at home with Alex every day for the past week. Maybe he would go out for sushi. Sushi sounded delicious; he loved Chu maki, especially with eel. Moving on autopilot through his kitchen, he clipped Alex’s woven leash to the dog’s collar and went down the steep wooden stairs of his apartment building. Alex led the way through downtown Grinnell, past stores that were closing for the night. Wells Fargo Bank had a giant Christmas tree in the lobby decorated with white lights and a silver star on top. As he followed his golden lab across the street in front of Pagliai’s, Nathaniel was suddenly struck

by a terrible realization: There is no sushi in Grinnell. Grinnell was a hard place to get a grasp of. Sometimes it was the best place in the world, and he remembered the excitement that he felt when he first arrived. Sometimes he couldn’t stand it and felt like he was suffocating in the smallness of the community. Some days he loved teaching students and was thrilled to keep his office door open so that they could wander in and talk. Other days he wished that he could cancel his office hours, shut the door, and lock himself in. Walking with Alex to the edge of the town at night and looking out over the never-ending cornfields allowed him to escape the gossiping for a few minutes, but the next morning he was always back in the middle of it. On the other hand, the Iowa sky was beautiful. It never failed to take his breath away. Nathaniel unclipped Alex’s leash and the dog promptly started barking and running around the apartment. Nathaniel slumped into his armchair. There was much to love about Grinnell, but there was no sushi—and he needed sushi. He needed a reminder that there was a world outside of Grinnell.

By Isaac Walker

“There Is Nothing To Do This Weekend” by Nathan Forman

I approached this article predisposed to believe that our campus was less active during the weekends, even though by the numbers that’s hardly true. Fall semester 2011, All-Campus Events (ACE) sponsored 18 weekend “party” events; this year’s ACE has sponsored 16. Perhaps my perception stems from second-year conceit as I learn more about which parties or are not worth attending, or because I’m not longer overstimulated by the freedom to get drunk and go out without eventually coming home and interacting with my parents; or perhaps it’s because—to be candid—some of this year’s events have felt underwhelming. As I’ve taken the initiative to learn more about what goes into hosting an event, I’ve learned that the process of trying to host an event with alcohol requires deliberate time commitments. A plurality of factors contribute to this semester’s decrease in exciting weekend activities: ACE has had trouble finding organizers, Student Affairs has not adequately publicized Event Hosting Certification, and not enough students have proactively sought to throw parties. This article explains some of the reasons we’ve experienced seemingly lackluster parties this semester. Events Hosting Certification A significant bureaucratic hurdle party-throwers face if they want to serve alcohol is completing Event Hosting Certification. The Alcohol & Illicit Drugs Policy section of the Student Handbook under the subsection “Event Staff Required for Distribution of Alcohol” explains that if alcohol is going to be served at a party, hosts and alcohol servers must get certified. Event Hosting Certification requirement can become prohibitive when we consider that separate individuals must ful-

fill the various party-facilitating roles. “Roles of hosts, server, and wristbander must be filled by separate individuals. Additionally one person may not serve in multiple roles on the same day (i.e. A host may not also act as a server at the same event),” the subsection declares. Requiring that party hosts and alcohol servers are 21 years or older makes throwing an event all the more difficult. It’s important to note that Event Hosting Certification is more than just TIPs training. Clangrala RLC Becca Don works in Harm Reduction for Student affairs, so administration of alcohol-related policies fall under her dominion. In addition to sitting on the Harm Reduction Committee and working with Hall Wellness Coordinators, her responsibilities include overseeing Alcohol Agreements and the Event Hosting Certification, among other related duties. She explained to me that the difference between TIPs training and Event Hosting Certification is the difference between standardized and Grinnell-specific programs. Whereas TIPs training - a program which, per the TIPs website, “teaches participants to prevent intoxication, drunk driving, and underage drinking among the people to whom they serve alcohol, - was foisted upon the College by its insurer, Event Hosting

“Calling the RLC when your friend is too intoxicated to stand is self-gov, but an even more heaping spoonful of self-gov can occur a few drinks earlier by helping to prevent your friend from drinking to [that] level ... in the first place.” — Becca Don, Clangrala RLC

Certification attempts to “present the content from a more Grinnellian lens,” Ms. Don said. While Grinnell requires compulsory TIPs training in order to comply with its insurance policy, the practice reveals tensions between the juxtaposition of ‘Harm Reduction’ and ‘Liability Prevention’. If we acknowledge the insurance policy as one of our primary motivations for requiring TIPs training, then we send the statement through Event Hosting Certification that dangerous drinking can be addressed through procedural changes. We remove the nuance from dangerous drinking; we ascribe definitions for when drinking becomes dangerous, and we address the drinking problems themselves instead of their causes. With TIPs training, we’re exploring ways to address how to avoid drinking to a harmful level, instead of addressing why we’re enticed to drink so much in the first place. Despite their Grinnell-specific approach, Event Hosting policies philosophically indict self-gov because they espouse necessary practices to prevent students from poorly representing the college: requiring that of-age adults only serve alcohol to wristbanded individuals theoretically ensures that the alcohol never reaches minors’ hands, and by determining an objective set of proper protocol for addressing overly intoxicated individuals, we’re able to argue that we took responsible steps to take care of students. Ms. Don believes that Event Hosting Certification adheres to self-gov specifically because it emphasized collective responsibility. “The takeaway message of the training is how to help your friends, your campus community members and yourself address situations before the situation escalates and negative consequences result. I think that philosophy falls in line very closely with the mission of self-gov. Calling the RLC when your friend is too intoxicated to stand is self-gov, but an even more heaping spoonful of self-gov can occur a few

drinks earlier by helping to prevent your friend from drinking to the level that lays them out across the restroom floor in the first place,” Don said. Event Hosting Certification’s philosophical underpinnings may ascribe to self-governance, but insufficiently advertising training session times does not. While Ms. Don sent out one all-campus email at the beginning of the semester, neither she nor Chloe Griffen ’14 , All-Campus Events Coordinator, have publicized certification training dates, times, or locations since. On Grinnell Student Affairs’ website, under the subsection “Self-governance,” two policies directly pertaining to our communal and institutional obligations suggest that the poor promotion of Event Hosting Certification is a failure of selfgov. Self-Gov calls for “an administrative structure intentionally designed to challenge and support students to govern themselves,” and “a campus community committed to social consciousness and community involvement,” according to the site. When students are not inspired by administrators and empowered by their peers to take initiative, self-gov fails. By failing to further promote Event Hosting Certification, our administrators are not proactively challenging us to take more responsibility, and our student representatives are not fostering a strong sense of communal involvement; the end result is a weaker sense of campus community. All-Campus Events At Joint Board on Wednesday, November 14 Ms. Griffen triumphantly declared during her cabinet report that “The drama about not having enough events or event hosts is over.” Ms. Griffen was referring to ACE’s troubles this year with finding students-at-large to host traditional parties Friday and

Selected Grinnell Event and Alcohol Policies: 1) No one under the age of 21 should consume alcohol. 2) Alchol can only be consumed in Dorm Lounges, Harris, and publc spaces in College Owned Houses, other venues must receive special authorization. 3) Students deemed “unresponsible” cannot host events in the future. 4) All event-leaders must be substancefree prior to the event. 5) Roles of hosts, servers, and wristbanders must be filled by separate individuals. 20

6) Event hosts and wristbanders must have a valid TIPs training certificate from an Event Hosting Certification workshop prior to hosting the event. 7) If alcohol is served, at least one event host must be 21 years of age. 8) Anyone serving alcohol must be 21 years of age. 9) Alcohol cannot be served to minors, or those who appear too intoxicated. 10) Alcohol servers are liable for wrongful actions of minors served alcohol, or any attendee, regardless of age, who is over-served alchol Source: http://www.grinnell.edu/offices/reslife/ hosting/alcoholdrugspolicy

Saturday nights. During the Fall 2011 semester, our student government or auxiliary actors hosted one event –SGA Harris. This year however, Ms. Griffen, Adam Johnston ‘14, or Sam Offenberg ’14 hosted nearly half of the on-campus weekend parties. Besides Events Hosting Certification, students have felt discouraged from hosting parties because they perceive an overwhelming time commitment; but Ms. Griffen discussed with me the step-by-step process and attempted to show that hosting a party can be easy. “Literally all you have to do is book the space, if you want to book Harris I’ll book it for you, if you want to book a lounge just email your RLC like you’re booking a lounge for a study break. And then, if you want food or decorations literally all you have to do is fill out one of the budget request forms and write out: Food, $50, Decorations, $50. Email KDIC and let them know that you want a DJ. If you don’t want to serve alcohol it’s that simple,” she said. Hosting an event with alcohol served is only slightly more difficult. “You have get the alcohol contract from Becca Don upstairs, It’s due literally the Wednesday before the event, so you don’t have to do it weeks and weeks in advance … have one TIPs trained person, this person has to be over 21 and go through the Event Hosting Certification training ... after you’ve done your alcohol contract you have to collect. SGA does not fund

“The last Harris of the semester had literally ZERO decorations or anything distinguishing it from any other Harris because the organizers ... have not been adequately supported by the ACE arm of SGA.” — Sam Offenberg ‘14 any type of alcohol; obviously, so you just walk around campus and collect literally for your party, then you go buy your keg, and obviously the TIPs trained 21 year old should probably buy your keg. And then yeah that’s pretty much it. And you go through the same process as if it were not alcoholic; you email KDIC and the RLC, and yeah that’s pretty much it it’s not hard of a process at all,” Ms. Griffen said. While there’s a simple protocol to follow for hosting events, we certainly haven’t experienced a bevy of parties this semester. Ms. Griffen believes that engendered ignorance contributes to why more students don’t volunteer to throw parties. “Last year it was kind of done for them, I don’t know if that quite makes sense, but I feel like when people don’t know that they have the power to do something they just kind of sit back and are like ‘oh it’s going to happen anyways,’” she said. I was surprised that last year’s ACE might have contributed to the decrease in parties this year, so I talked to Austin Frerick ’12, last year’s ACE coodinator about how he ran his committee. While he effectively embraces Chloe’s criticism that he addressed many event-hosting logistics without assigning the responsibilities to students at-large, he also believed that this facilitation resulted in more on-campus events.

“I tried to set my schedule before the semester started. I tried to accomplish this goal for several reasons. First, it allowed me to coordinate with Pooj (Concerts) to minimize event overlaps…by planning early, you can give organizers more time to prepare and it makes everything easier (i.e. Ace Security knows it schedule ahead of time, etc). I believe I had the fall schedule set before the school year started and the spring schedule set before fall finals started,” he said. Mr. Frerick makes a fair point; last fall far fewer events were postponed, cancelled, or ACEhosted (Writer’s note, I postponed an event I was going to host until next semester myself). Ms. Griffen and Mr. Frerick disagree over ACE’s role in coordinating with Concerts. Mr. Frerick believes that concerts and ACE events both served to enrich the student experience. “If we both scheduled something at 9pm, I usually would move my event up a hour and he would push it back an hour so that way Grinnellians could make both events. This probably went unnoticed by most people, but that is how it should be. You should be able to go to an ACE event and enjoy an amazing concert all in one night,” Frerick said. Conversely, Ms. Griffen believes that concerts and ACE ought not overstep each other’s boundaries, saying “As far as the Gardner parties, even though me and Pooj seem like we don’t get along, like we’ve been working kind of like since this summer on kind of like having like better relationship between ACE and Concerts, because last year it was like not really rocky but they had a lot of conflict, a lot of issues. We kind of have to realize that the ACE coodinator kind of has reign over Harris and Concerts over Gardner. So we’re trying to kind of like this year respect each other’s space, and that comes for me too by not trying to throw a lot of events in Gardner especially when Pooj has a lot of concerts this year,” Griffen said. For Mr. Offenberg, who estimates he’s helped set up, host, or served alcohol at “3 or 4” Harris parties this year, disorganized weekend activity negatively impacts Grinnellians’ social experiences. “The last Harris of the semester had literally ZERO decorations or anything distinguishing it from any other Harris because organizers have not been found in sufficient time and adequately supported by the ACE arm of SGA,” Offenberg said. Students Ms. Don and Ms. Griffen aren’t the sole factors contributing to our event-related campus culture issues; we haven’t been outgoing enough about throwing great parties. Our failure manifests itself when Ms. Griffen petitions senators to throw events in their clusters, when high street housemates feel like they’re required to throw parties, and when parties are postponed or cancelled. Whether due to an increased number of concerts, respecting Pooj’s demesne, or our own student failures in coming forward with fun event ideas, the absence of events arguably shifts the locus of events off campus. In addition to his [concerts]-related responsibilities, Pooj Padmaraj lives at 1005 High Street and experiences the process of coordinating social gatherings offcampus when there are no on-campus events, or when on campus events aren’t entertaining. “I know that High-Street as a whole has been like ‘Oh, what

are we going to do? There’s nothing going on this day!’ We feel like obliged to kind of do a party. There shouldn’t be that kind of obligation. I know that people have come to [1010 and 1008 High Street] expecting a party; that’s kind of weird, people live there,” Mr. Padmaraj said. In Mr. Offenberg’s eyes, scant student involvement with events serves to denigrate campus community because it pulls students further apart. ““Campus culture can be severely ‘fac-

“I know that High Street as a whole has been like ‘Oh, what are we going to do? There’s nothing going on this day!’ We feel obliged to kind of do a party. There shouldn’t be that kind of obligation.” — Pooj Padmaraj, ‘13 tionized’ when the parties that people across student social circles love lack many basic elements,” Offenberg said. Bradie Connor ’15 believes that Grinnellians won’t step up to throw more parties because they’re more interested in going to parties than organizing them. “I wouldn’t want to throw a party because I’d want to leave it before it got bad or boring,” Connor said. “I’d want to follow my friends to the next thing that’s happening.” Ms. Connor’s sentiment directly proves Offenberg’s ‘factionizing’ contention; when our sole motivations for attending parties are our own personal fulfillment and gratification, we fail as a community. *** Although Student Affairs, ACE, or our student body aren’t exclusively responsible for why we’ve experienced some seemingly lackluster events this semester, none of these parties have adequately addressed the problems discouraging quality events. While Ms. Don has so far failed to publicize Event Hosting Certification training beyond that initial email and the information available on Grinnell’s website, and although Ms. Griffen might not be the most successful at finding a variety of party hosts, I’m uncomfortable with the notion that students will only get involved if opportunities are clearly presented to them on silver platters. Failing to throw popular weekend events exacerbates the divides in our campus community. However, Ms. Griffen is using her position as ACE Coordinator to encourage a stronger community through a series of initiatives. “We’re collaborating with a lot of other groups – especially the MLC groups which hasn’t happened a lot in the past either – but it’s not just ACE doing it, it’s FAC, it’s QPAC, it’s [weekend], just the symbolic nature of collaborating and then the literal nature of collaborating; how do we get people from these different parts of campus with different ideas to one event, and how we’re going to do it is really powerful. We’re working with PDC on a socializing, almost speed-dating event…We’re working on a midnight madness where we’re trying to create excitement and community around sports, we’re going to do the women’s basketball team, the men’s basketball team, and the swimming teams…every once and a while it’s nice to do something special,” Griffen said.

“I’ve never seen that girl before. Isn’t it weird you still see people here you don’t recognize?” my friend Paige said last year as we lounged in the Grille. “There’s a third of the campus that we never really see, because they don’t go out on weekends,” my friend Karima interjected. We looked at her doubtfully as she explained herself. “Seriously, that’s when we do most of our socializing. People that don’t go out do different things on weekends, and we don’t know them.” After that seemingly mundane conversation last year, I began to wonder what those who do not drink did on the weekend. Even though this was the first time at Grinnell I considered an alternative to my own weekend routine, I was sure that the sub-free lifestyle at Grinnell encompassed more than Not Your Average Weekend events or late night study sessions on East. I was just not familiar with the nuanced experiences and activities that lay beneath the sur-

face of sub-free weekends. This year, I decided to find out. I spoke to a wide variety of sub-free students on campus. Their experiences may not encompass one singular definition of what it means to be substance free at Grinnell, but I hope they will at least give some first hand perspective. Michael Korte ’15: Mike has lived in Kershaw for two years. “I was completely substance free last year, and I am ninety-five percent this year,” Mike tells me. When asked why started drinking some this year, Mike discusses the broader context. He takes me back a year ago, when he was a first-year, wide-eyed and eager to make friends. However, the parties at Grinnell impeded his success. “If you go out and are not used to it, it is hard. Drunk people are stupid,” Mike says. “I don’t think anyone on this cam-

pus will deny that. I see people in class and they are smart, but then I see them on weekends and they are stupid.” Mike explains that his distaste for drinking severely limited the breadth of his social circle. “First year, everyone else was getting to know tons of people and I wasn’t. I think it’s still kinda true, that [drinking] is the main way you meet people on campus,” Mike says. “I went out at the start and at the end, but got really down and frustrated during the middle. Mike considered transferring because of the lack of sober weekend interaction, but he enjoyed the people he met in class, and he wanted to stay. “I decided that five sevenths of the week with them is worth my time.” After asking about his favorite party venues, Mike seems excited for the first to talk about an aspect of the culture at Grinnell: Frisbee Parties. “There was no pressure to drink,” Mike explains. “They have always made

By Linnea Hurst

experiencing an alt

“I’ve never seen that girl before ... Isn’t it we

the message very clear: ‘Let’s go get drunk, but only if you want to!’” “One time last year,” Mike continues, “a non-Frisbee player was pressuring me, and it was actually one of my teammates that defended me.” I asked if by the time he is an upperclassman he will act as a positive example to younger players, and Mike nodded vehemently. “I will always make it clear if you don’t drink that is perfectly fine.”

“The SA doesn’t let us talk on the floor after 11. ... The others ... don’t deserve that.” — Mike Korte ’15

Though Mike’s time with the Frisbee team is a blast, life in Kershaw and parties thrown by Not Your Average Weekend are sometimes a disappointment. “People in Kershaw are on the more reserved side,” Mike acknowledges. “There are some people there who are

militantly anti-social. The SA doesn’t let us talk on the floor after eleven. We have to be strictly quiet. The others on the floor [those who want to be social] don’t deserve that.” I have found that it’s especially important to foster floor community on substance free floors, since finding social outlets elsewhere, especially on weekends, often proves difficult. His dorm unfortunately falls into a negative stereotypes of sub-free culture, that those who do not drink are antisocial. When I ask Mike about his experience with Not Your Average Weekend, the campus organized group that hosts sub-free weekend events, Mike initially dodges the question, only acknowledging that he has gone a couple of times. “I am not seven years old. Some of the ideas they come up with seem a little young,” he eventually says. “People see it as immature and the last resort for the weekend, the bottom of the barrel.” He says that the people who attend

Not Your Average Weekend form a bit of a clique, excluding some who already feel excluded. “In general on this campus there’s a problem of exclusivity,” Mike explains. “If you don’t find your clique quick, you’re kind of screwed.” Despite these brief comments, Mike surprises me with his positivity throughout the interview, and ends by enlightening me on one of the benefits of being the minority in such a heavy substance use school. “There is this idea [that] if your whole school is sub-free that substances are evil and drunk people are morally bad,” Mike says. “If I had gone to school on a dry campus, I would have picked up on that attitude. Grinnell has made me nonjudgmental of substance use.” Mike laughs, “I might work for Anheuser Busch someday! When it comes down to it people are just people. There are positive lessons to extrapolate from all this.”

ternative weekend

eird you still see people you don’t recognize?”

Sangwoo Lee ’15:

Sangwoo Lee ‘15 has also lived in Kershaw for two years. Sangwoo spots me in the grille for our interview before I see him, and waves feverishly. “I want to live in a substance free dorm because I don’t drink or smoke, but I still want to be social!” Sangwoo exclaims. Like Mike, Sangwoo also tried to hang out with his friends who drank on weekends at the beginning of his first year, but he also quickly found that there were limitations. “It was hard to get along with them. Since I don’t drink, it’s kind of socially awkward to be there when they’re drinking. Being with drunk people, I was the one to take care of them. I always had that responsibility. I didn’t like that.” Things changed after Sangwoo’s first semester at Grinnell. Sangwoo found himself going out less and less often. Sangwoo’s dark brown eyes bares into my own as his tone becomes solemn. “Because I didn’t have anything in common with my friends on the weekends, I kind of gave up,” he said. “I now watch movies and go to concerts alone on weekends. I can hardly find anyone to go with. They would all rather drink.”

“Sometimes I tell them I am allergic to alcohol.”

— Sangwoo Lee ’15 Fortunately, Sangwoo knows of one person he can always call. “On the weekends, I know I can call Mike. Mike and I

are best friends in Kershaw,” Sangwoo says, his eyes sparkling and playful again. The playfulness is still there when I ask how he avoids drinking at the parties he does attend. “Sometimes I tell them I am allergic to alcohol,” he says with a grin. “My friends feel like they are isolated from big cities,” he continues. “There is literally nothing to do. So they drink. Students have to find something to relieve the stress. Drinking is the only way to relieve the stress, they think.”

“There are tons of events, but people drink at all of them.” — Sangwoo Lee ’15

Sangwoo knows there is much more to do on weekends to relieve stress. He tells me that one his favorite thing to do on weekends is go to concerts, either in Bucksbaum or Gardner, but sometimes that’s not an option. He told me he is often at a loss of what to do. Lacking any other plans, he often ends up watching movies. Sangwoo nods his head violently when I ask if he thinks Grinnell should have more to do on weekends. “Yes we definitely need more events on weekends. There are tons of events, but people drink at all of them.” Sangwoo would like to see more concerts offered at Bucksbaum and more movie nights. I ask Sangwoo if he has ever attended a Not Your Average Weekend event, and he has no idea what I am referring to. “I don’t know about this. What is the name of the group?” he implores.

Alex Anderson ’15 and Kenzie Doyle ’15: Both Alex Anderson ‘15 and Kenzie Doyle ‘15 are similar to Mike and Sangwoo in that they live in the same sub-free dorm and spend time together on weekends. These two pairs differ though, because fortunately both Alex and Kenzie have found strong communities and not struggled as much to socialize on weekends in James. “James is interesting because it is both sub-free and on South campus,” Kenzie says. “It takes a certain kind of person to live in South campus and be sub-free. It has a very specific style.” Arguably, James as a dorm has more vitality than dorms on East campus, which may lead to a much stronger community. No matter the reason, both Kenzie and Alex gush about their friends in James. “I lived in James this year and last year, and found a close group of friends. I live in the same floor as I did last year with three of the same people,” Kenzie says. Kenzie acknowledges she was lucky in dodging having to navigate Grinnell’s drinking culture in search of meeting new people and making friends first year. “It just happened to work out for me, it was really convenient I got placed in James.” Kenzie tells me her weekends are for the most part “comfortable and entertaining.” Alex, who also lives in James and hangs out with Kenzie and their larger friend group on weekends details their weekend shenanigans: “We dress up for Harris but never really go. Dressing up and taking pictures and walking around campus to

see other people is the most fun.” Their nights on weekends are anything but boring, and I press Alex to tell me some of the unique activities they do. “Well, we do walk around campus drinking tea,” Alex recounts, catching himself and adding, “except I don’t drink tea, I usually drink apple cider. We also play with my pet rats, Remus and Sirius.” Laughing at the Harry Potter reference, I ask Alex why he prefers this lifestyle. Alex does not hesitate in his answer. “Real conversation happens. And we get to do things like watch Sherlock. We watch a lot of movies, which is a lot of fun, especially since I haven’t seen many movies before college. There are a lot of good movies out there.”

“If you are fairly introverted ... being sub-free is easier.” — Kenzie Doyle ’15

Alex acknowledges that this version of a weekend is not ideal for everyone at Grinnell. “My friends and I are all introverted. It is a lot more fun to hang out with each other to go to a big party every weekend.” Kenzie agrees, saying, “If you are fairly introverted you don’t need a lot of social interaction, so being sub-free is easier. But a lot of people drink here to be social, and it you were outgoing and need that amount of socializing, it [being sub-free] would be kind of hard.” But Alex thinks that something more than socializing is

at stake. “The dominant culture here seems to be to go out and get absolutely wasted and possibly hook up with someone,” Alex emphasizes. “It seems like a lot of people want to hook up but find they’re too socially awkward to do so sober. Why have sex with someone and pretend it never happened? If you want to hook up with someone, why do you have to drink so much to do it? It seems much more productive to go up and talk to someone sober.” Grinnellians are aware that how much we drink, especially on weekends, is a tenet of what we proudly call our “culture.” We fool ourselves into keeping up with each other’s supposed drinking habits, creating the illusion that we drink more than we actually do. Even before coming here, most were aware that Grinnell is a “drinking” school, and came with certain expectations. The Class of 2015 took AlcoholEdu, which not only made drinking alcohol salient in our brains as we entered college, but engendered a preconception that if you go to Grinnell, you will drink. Where does that leave those who do not participate? The experiences of those who are substance free are as diverse as those who use substances. They want to feel comfortable when they refuse a beer at a party, and they want opportunities to hang out with their friends without alcohol on weekends. The fact that a nuanced portrait of sub-free life is rarely depicted at Grinnell suggests that our campus dialogue on weekends, the social life, and culture in general should become more inclusive towards those who are sub-free.

Once upon a time, I was a “prospie” taking a tour of Grinnell College. One term that was constantly mentioned by students and administrators was “social justice,” a phrase almost as popular as “self-gov.” The tour guides and administrators discussed multiple opportunities for getting involved in social justice, the Grinnell Prize, and Grinnell’s history as a socially just institution. All of this sounded great to me; Grinnell seemed like a college where people actually cared about what was happening in the world. Fast forward to the present. During my first year at Grinnell, I’ve heard some students complain that Grinnellians talk more about social justice than they participate in it. Is this true? Do few people have time to volunteer between homework, Harris, and sleep? Or was there more participation than I realized? Part of the problem stems from the lack of a real definition of social justice. For the purposes of this article, social justice is defined as an organized action that works to better the community or world. The most common forms of social justice are community service and working with an activist group, but protesting, creating a petition, and other concrete actions could also be included. However, simply supporting a cause verbally takes a lot less effort than these actions, and therefore is not counted as social justice. So, volunteering at an animal shelter would be an example of social justice, but simply stating that you support animal welfare without doing anything about it would not. With this definition in mind, I interviewed a group of firstyear students about their opinions on social justice. “I believe that it is a major part of more Grinnellians’ lives

than students at the average college,” said Adam Arsenault ’16, “but that is not to say that every Grinnellian champions social justice.” Another student, Rachael Andrew ’16, who participated in numerous social justice activities in high school, said that there are a lot of opportunities to participate in social justice, but less time to do so than in high school. Student Maddie Howland ’16 said that she’s met many passionate people at Grinnell, and cites the Grinnell Prize as an example of tangible social justice at Grinnell. Meanwhile, student Zafiro Hiliada ’16 stated, “There are many people who care here, but not many people do a lot of things,” and “activist organizations in college do not have a lot of members.” All of the students I interviewed agreed that Grinnell students care about the world. However, some said that participation in social justice was lower than they thought it should

be. Why is this? Like Andrew mentioned, time is definitely a large factor. During NSO, many first years plan on getting involved in social justice. They sign up for countless community service and activist groups at the activities fair, but when the school year gets underway and they’re buried behind papers, readings, and lab reports, they never go to any meetings. It’s not that they don’t care; there’s only so much time in the day. A recent example of the scarcity of student involvement in social justice is the lack of participation in the dialogue about financial aid. According to the S&B, there are three different budget plans, each of which contains some measures that would disadvantage nonwealthy applicants, and therefore contradict social justice. However, when the administration held a public presentation detailing possible changes to financial aid policy only two students besides the SGA cabinet and S&B staff attended. Many students think these changes

are anti-social justice (and some students would not be here if these changes had been implemented earlier), but few have actively engaged in the discussion. Also, though Grinnell touts it’s social justice prize quite a lot, student turnout at the events was low. That’s not to say Grinnell students don’t participate in social justice. Many students are very involved with it. According to the 2008 National Survey of Student Engagement, 78.9 percent of seniors at Grinnell had done community service or have planned to do so. This number seems high, but it is only slightly above the national average of 74.1 percent. (The survey fails to distinguish between actual volunteers and planned volunteers. The number of actual, regular volunteers is probably much lower for both the Grinnell and national statistics.) Though this survey is a bit dated and flawed, it still raises an important question: While Grinnell is definitely committed to social justice, is it significantly more socially just than most colleges? I found that Grinnell students have, overall, socially just attitudes, but we could participate in social justice much, much more. The amount of time we spend discussing social justice does not match up with actual student participation in social justice. Almost all students support causes verbally and pride their selves in being tolerant and socially aware, which is great, but we need to do more than just state how socially just we are. Volunteer, join a social justice group, get involved if you aren’t already. Though it sounds cliché, we really won’t have another time in our lives where we have this many opportunities to get involved with something we’re passionate about. Life is only going to get busier after college.

The ADVENTURES of ATLANTA KAY Chapter One By Alex Krempely

t begins with the telling of a story. A story told within the comfort and confines of a rundown saloon. A rundown saloon on the edge of a small, desolate town. A small, desolate town on the edge of Civilization itself. It is here, at this dirty speck on the fringe of a fringe, that our epic begins. “Atlanta Kay! He’s the one all right. The $100,000,000,000,000 man. They say that’s one dollar for every man he’s killed ... or was it one cent? Hell if I can remember! But you’ve all heard the stories I’m sure. Atlanta Kay, a lost soul, he wanders from town to town killing everyone in sight. Hell, they say the whole town is in flames by the time he leaves. Nothing’s left standing! Well, nothing but the piles of bodies, of course. And why does he do it? Why does this crazed killer cause such destruction? Well nobody knows, ya see. Maybe he’s after something. Or maybe he just wants to see the world burn… Regardless though, every bounty hunter in the land is out looking for him. Dead or alive. And for a price of $100,000,000,000,000 who could blame ‘em? But you wanna know what I think? Well here’s what I think. I think Atlanta Kay will kill every one of them poor bastards. Hell, he’ll probably enjoy it too. I swear that man has made a deal with the Devil himself, I tell ya. He probably kissed the Devil’s ugly ‘ol ass and was given the power to kill all who walk this wretched land. It’s just a damn shame the Devil didn’t keep him in Hell where he belongs!” The toothless bartender concluded his tale, and the saloon’s inhabitants murmured their agreement. Even the drunkard slouched in the corner hiccupped in response. The desert sand blew wildly beyond the swinging doors. A storm this powerful would rip the flesh off a man’s very bones if he dared step out into the open desert. Since travel was impossible, the saloon’s stranded inhabitants passed the time drinking and swapping stories. From the card players, to the piano man, to the drunkard in the corner, all listened as the talkative, toothless bartender continued: “But ya know what the worst thing about Atlanta Kay is? The thing that really keeps me up at night? Well the worst thing about Atlanta Kay is that nobody knows what the hell he looks like. They say all who see his face end up a corpse. Hell, I even heard he killed his own family so they couldn’t rat out his identity. And that’s the scariest part of it, not that he has slain armies by the million or destroyed half of all Civilization, no… The worst part is that he could be in this very town, hell, this very bar, and we wouldn’t even know the Angel of Death himself, Atlanta Goddamn Kay, has graced us with his presence.” Rather than a murmur of agreement, the bar’s inhabitants remained silent and still. Eyes darted from person to person as the saloon was paralyzed with nervousness. The tension was finally broken by the dull slam of the drunkard’s head hitting the floor. Now asleep, the bar let out a laugh of relief at his expense. But at that very moment, the door was kicked open. The saloon resumed its silent and still state as all heads turned to the silhouette of a man in the doorway. For what seemed like five frightening minutes, the man stood there, shrouded in shadow. The only visible feature was his glowing, blood-red eyes. The man slowly pushed past the swinging doors and walked into the saloon, revealing his appearance. He was a muscular giant. He wore an armor chest plate, and though his arms were left bare, this was only because no greaves could contain his exploding biceps. While his red eyes remained cold and dead, a grin grew as he looked upon his newfound prey. There was no question in anyone’s mind that this man was a killer. What gave him away you ask? Perhaps it was the broadsword he carried in his right hand and the broader-sword he carried in his left. Or perhaps it was the necklace of skulls he wore around his neck. Maybe it was the wicked way he asked, “Who’s prepared to die?” Or maybe it was the way he cut the piano man in half as he made a terrified dash to the door. Regardless, as blood splattered across his front, there was no doubt in anyone’s mind that this man was a killer. And with a roar of laughter

“HAHAHA what a nice story bartender! I see my reputation precedes me! I am Atlanta Kay, and I have killed more men than there are grains of sand in the desert! My swords have tasted more blood than there is water in the ocean! For I am Atlanta Kay, and my laughing face will be the last thing you see before you die!!! Why do I kill? Why do I destroy? Because it is so much fun! There’s no greater joy than stealing the one thing all men hold most dear—THEIR LIVES!!! I love the look in a man’s eyes, the look of hopeless desperation that appears only moments before I cut them to pieces. The regret, the sadness, the acceptance of death—I LIVE FOR IT ALL!!! I AM ATLANTA KAY, AND I KILL FOR THE SAKE OF KILLING!!!” The killer’s red eyes twinkled as he turned and swung his massive sword. With one swing, the muscular giant sent the heads of the four card players souring through the air. He let out another laugh as they rolled across the floor. “HAHAHAHA! More! More! MORE!!! I WANT TO CUT MORE!!! You’re next bartender, and after you I’ll kill every person in this sad excuse for a town! This whole town will be stained with blood by nightfall and burned to the ground by dawn! It’ll be a pile of rubble, another memento of Atlanta Kay’s awesome power! Well my poor bartender! Take one final drink, say your prayers, and cry for your mother, BECAUSE YOU WILL SOON JOIN THE TRILLIONS BEFORE YOU WHO HAVE DIED BY MY SWORD HAHAHA!!! But at that moment, a hiccup echoed from the corner of the room. The drunkard rose to his feet, looking both intoxicated and confused. He staggered to the door, but was promptly blocked by the giant. “What? You’re alive? I thought you were already dead? Well bartender, enjoy life for a few more seconds while I dispose of this trash ... ” The giant man toke a step forward and swung his sword once more. However at that very moment the drunkard stumbled, lowering his body just below the swing of the blade. Then the muscular man swung downward, but the drunkard stumbled out of the sword’s reach. Again and again, the drunkard’s unsteady movements evaded the massive broadswords. Finally the killer stopped. Panting and bewildered, he exclaimed: “IMPOSSIBLE!!! WHAT ARE YOU?!?!?! NEVER HAVE MY SWORDS BEEN UNABLE TO DRAW BLOOD!!! DO YOU KNOW WHO I AM?!?! I AM ATLANTA KAY!!! THE ANGEL OF DEATH!!! ALL WHO CROSS MY PATH END UP DEAD!!! AND YOU,YOU PITIFUL DRUNK, ARE NO EXCEPTION!!!” The infuriated, red-eyed man raised both swords to the ceiling. For a second he remained perfectly still, towering over the swaying drunkard. Then with an enraged laugh, he slammed both swords to the ground. A crash louder than thunder boomed as the saloon was flattened. The unrelenting sand storm blew around the killer and his opponent, making vision impossible. But over the storm a yell was heard: “HAHAHAHA A DIRECT HIT!!! I KNOW IT!!! NO MAN ALIVE COULD DODGE SUCH AN ATTACK!!! I don’t know who or what you are, but you were a fool to think you could rival my power! I am Atlanta Kay, the $100,000,000,000,000 man! People flee at the very mention of my name!!! And to think, I was challenged by a mere drunkard… I can’t allow a rumor like this to spread… No, none must ever know this fight happened! None must know you ever existed! And so I will tear apart your body, limb from limb, cell from cell, until there is absolutely nothing left!!! FOR I AM ATLANTA KAY AND I-“ At that very moment the sand storm calmed, revealing the outcome of the battle. There stood the drunkard, surrounded by the fragments of two shattered swords. But he no longer seemed to be a drunkard at all. He stood tall and unwavering, his calm eyes steadily focused on the killer before him. Either this man sobered up instantly, or he was never drunk at all. The killer’s eyes widened as he let out another yell, but this time a yell of fear. “No … NO!!! IT CAN’T BE!!! YOU’RE HIM!!! OH GOD PLEASE DON’T KILL ME!!! YOU’RE REALLY HIM!!! YOU’RE-“ Crash. A bottle struck the killer in the back of the head, and he fell to the ground dead. Where did the bottle come from you ask? Well hopefully you didn’t forget about the bartender. Though the bar he tended was now destroyed, he did manage to escape the collapsing building. Once talkative, he stood there in amazement of his own courage and strength, now completely speechless. Finally, he mustered the resolve speak three simple words: “Who are you?” At last, the not-really-drunkard spoke. His voice was steady and strong, as if the sound vibrations of his words made your very bones rattle. “After a while you have to ask yourself a question: Why keep dodging attacks when a direct hit wouldn’t hurt you anyways? This man was an imposter, and nothing more than a common thug. My name is Atlanta Kay.” And with those words, the real Atlanta Kay walked away, heading toward the vast desert that bordered this small desolate town. And the bartender? Well let’s just say his mind was blown. Literally. His brain was physically unable to withstand such a surprising turn of events that it exploded, killing him instantly. And so, lying atop his demolished saloon, the dead bartender and his six dead companions would later be identified as the six most recent victims of Atlanta Kay’s wrath, even though Atlanta Kay didn’t actually kill any of them. *** The full chronicles of the murderous and epic Atlanta Kay may be printed in Spring 2013.

#BASEDVICE By Lil B Edited by Aaron Mendelson Lil B or BASEDGOD cares deeply about the quality of your life. At its core, Lil B’s philosophy ascertains that each person should “love yourself and accept.” While his songs do not consistently reinforce this message—trumpeting his sexual prowess and wealth or disparaging rivals for shopping at Whole Foods—Lil B’s calls for positivity and self-respect inform his every action. In the spirit of self-love, The GUM is proud to publish Lil B’s syndicated advice column, #basedvice.

Dear #basedvice,

I really like this guy but my friends think he’s mediocre at best. They don’t know him and have never really hung out with him but they give me so much shit about him! He’s funny and super nice. I don’t want to stop seeing him, but my friends are making me feel really bad about being interested in him. What do I do? I do not know how to solve this problem. — Social Pressure is No Fun

Dear Social Pressure is No Fun,

If this guy is really as #based as you claim he is, your friends will see him for that. Otherwise, they are fake friends and don’t fucks wid ‘em. But attraction can blind you to things your friends might see to be real! They may know he is not #based and not a true based disciple. Even Lil B goes to “The Basedgod,” because Lil B knows he is only a mere human and “The Basedgod” is so much more than that! #tybg Who is right? Only time will tell. Remember: “Life is how you perceive it.” Make your life #positive. [Morgan Freeman voice] — #basedvice

***

Dear #basedvice,

Is the world going to end in 2012?

— I Don’t Know if Finals are Worth It Dear I Don’t Know if Finals are Worth It,

Wow wow deep stuff. The Mayans were astronomical and smart in maths, but they forgot about one thing in their predictions: Lil B. As long as “The Basedgod” lives, the world and universe and even the sun itself will continue to exist how we know them to. That is why protecting Lil B and Lil B music is so important. Task Force Bitch Mob, it is your duty to protect Lil B and his music. We must all sacrifice so the world will stay #based and we are blessed by his #rare music. Your cousins Cat Force must protect Keke the Adopted Tabby Cat and Lil B and his music! You must work together like family to do this! The haters will never stop coming for Lil B. Protect him!! — #basedvice

GUM | 2012

Articles inside

There’s Nothing to Do

Fiction

Adventures of Atlanta Kay

Got Social Justice?

An Alternative Weekend

It’s Not that Simple