April 2013

HIGHLAND THE

PHLEGM

1

APRIL FOOLS EDITION 2013

HIGHLAND PARK HIGH SCHOOL I HIGHLAND PARK, NJ I VOLUME 101, ISSUE 7

Nobles Workout Video Drops 3/22 Frannie

Workout videos are sweeping the nation by storm, and our own Coach Nobles is bringing the sensation to Highland Park. You’ve heard all the hype about videos such as Insanity and P90X, but Nobles’ video is here to challenge those videos and deliver the best workout of all.

We all know Nobles as a gym teacher, and some know him as a football and track coach. Others, still, know him as a poet. But Nobles surprises us all with a talent no one knew he possessed: dance skills. His workout video is inspired from his “ballet days as a youngster.” In his videos, Nobles incorporates many core elements and techniques that professional ballet dancers use to work out their core, their arms, their legs, and increases flexibility. The video runs about two hours!

To get the full effects of the extreme ballet workout, it is recommended that you do the video

every single day. Think ballet is for girls? Think again. Ballet is ridiculously intense, and full of swag, as Nobles explains: “I bring swag to a whole new meaning.”

Wearing the tutu also really adds to the workout itself. In fact, Nobles is offering HPHS a special discount: “Be one of the first 100 to order the Extreme Ballet Experience, and you’ll receive your very own limited edition tutu equipped with built-in weight vest and parachute for all your resistance training workout needs.”

The great thing about this video, aside from the fact that it is the ultimate way to get in shape, is that it drops just before spring break!

Hopefully, you got your workout started over your vacation and are returning to impress your peers!

“It’s just in time to get ready for summer,” Nobles says.

Park High School. And as if all of this is not already getting you insanely excited, it can also benefit your class! Five percent of the profit made from selling videos will go to your class fund.

In summary, the Nobles Extreme Ballet Experience, only $19.99, is worth every penny. It gets you in shape in the comfort of your home in your tutu. It’s the word all throughout HPHS. One sophomore said, “I’ve already pre-ordered five so I can send some to my cousins and let them in on this.” A couple of guys, who wished to remain anonymous, said, “Nobles doing ballet is one of the manliest things I’ve ever seen anyone do.” The video drops 3/22. Don’t miss out!

Interested? You’d be a fool not to be. This is without a doubt the best thing to happen to Highland

INSIDE A Cruel Joke from Colleges Hits Hard for Senior Griffin Wood p. 2

New Fashion Trends Include Thigh-High Uggs and Transparent Leggings p. 2

Player Profile p. 16 JANA CHOI/ THE HIGHLAND FLING

Above: Mr. Nobles (center) leads his corps de ballet (from left to right) senior Boning Zhao, Kamraun Akyol, sophomore Jake Callahan, and junior Harry Landis.

APRIL 2013, THE HIGHLAND FLING

2

I Was Accepted! ...Not wAaMnYg

The e-mail copied on the right was sent to high school seniors across the world on April 1, 2013 at 6:30 PM EST. After this email reached the inboxes of hundreds of thousands of students worldwide, celebrations and tears were immediately ceased and the Internet exploded with blog posts and complaints to every college in America. Many sat in disbelief, staring at the screen, hoping that it was all an April Fools’ joke. Others rejoiced after wiping away their tears and picked their shattered hopes up from the floor again.

Highland Park High School Senior Griffin Wood ranted excessively about the hacking, repeatedly saying, “Like, I don’t get why, like, something like this would, like, happen. I can’t believe they, like, told me I was accepted to Harvard, but then, like, told me it was all a mistake.

This is so, like, cruel. I really can’t believe this. Like, they need to accept me anyway because of this. Like SERIOUSLY?”

IN! I WAS SO DISAPPOINTED WHEN I WAS REJECTED BUT ACTUALLY I GOT IN!” (This reporter’s ears are still recovering from this interview).

Considering the mixed response from the two groups of students and the emotional roller coaster they experienced within the span of one and a half hours, it’s a wonder the colleges have not yet been sued.

Currently, the campus police from every college have gathered together in Kentucky to investigate the perpetrators of this mysterious glitch in the system, only to trace the signal back to their own computers. Obviously, the rejectees were smarter than they thought and should have been accepted into those Ivy League schools.

In any case, The Phlegm will be sure to keep you updated on the case and can offer one piece of advice to all students: be glad this doesn’t happen every year!

On the other hand, Senior Daphne Szeles was elated at the change of events screaming, “YIPPEEEE! I AM SO GLAD I GOT

From:

The Collegeboard

To:

High School Seniors

Subject:

Our most sincere apolo

gies

6:30 EST

Dear High School Senio

rs, As of right now, we are sure that most of you have checked your co lege admissions decis lions on the respective we bsites of the schools.

Representing all the co lleges within the Unite d States, however, we regret to inform you tha t a glitch has occurred in the systems of all the admissions offices.

The decision you receiv ed was, in fact, the opposite of our true de cision; therefore, if you we re rejected, congratulations (!) you have be en accepted. If you we re ac cepted, April Fools!

Currently, skilled comp uter scientists from Ca rnegie Mellon Universi Massachusetts Institu ty, te of Technology and Ca lifo rni a Ins titu te of Technology are competing to remedy this mistake as quickly as possible.

We suspect that the sy stem has been hacked by bitter geniuses who were rejected by the Ivy League Colleges and their pet monkeys. We are sorry for any incon venience that this has caused you and assure you that the correct de cisions will be posted as soon as these three universities devise a so lution. Have a Happy Ap ril Fools’ Day! Best Regards The Collegeboard

The In-School Black Market Andy Rea If the student body was mad when the administration banned all electronics, their anger doesn’t compare to their bewilderment in response to the ban on all food and drink outside of the cafeteria. No one knew exactly why the school did it. At first, many thought that these invisible rats really existed, but then, it became clear that the administration had seen something horrible in the students and decided to ban food and drink instead of voicing the true problem. After some digging, The Highland Phlegm uncovered the truth: the student body has become addicted to food and water. Let’s be honest, we cannot stop, and that is why the administration is acting to end this cycle of addiction.

On the first day of the ban, this reporter was told to put her water bottle away in the library, and developed a slight headache, the universal sign of early withdrawal symptoms. But many students are craving their fix of H2O; some have gone as far as to create a black market trade of these illegal substances. One week after the ban began, this reporter was in the bathroom when a manila envelope was slipped under the stall. The cover was plastered with magazine letters,

en classes, ge a candy bar in betwe Above: two seniors exchan hoping to hide from staff.

spelling, “The first time’s free.”

Inside was a neatly wrapped sleeve of Ritz crackers. Clearly, the situation is spiraling out of control. Students are setting up trading points of money and food inside of desks trademarked with a geometric cube drawn in pencil. Kids who cut off cold turkey are now desperately stealing cough drops from the nurse’s office, popping pears between classes, and sneaking water from the bathroom sinks. Girls who used to bring mugs of tea and coffee every morning now grow tea leaves with artificial lights in their lockers.

And last week, two students with hooded sweatshirts robbed a bake sale. The students’ addictions are worse than ever imagined. Teachers have expressed full confidence that the administration will soon hire armed guards to monitor the water fountains and vending machines to ensure that no student overdoses on the deadly substance and ending this deadly cycle. The time has come to embrace the message of a healthy lifestyle that magazines have been feeding to teenage girls for years; when it comes to food and water, just say no.

Faux Fashion Ellie Wise-Man An issue of Vogue Magazine recently came out with some surprising new fashion trends. To name just a few, see-through leggings and thigh-length Ugg boots are apparently all the rage in suburban towns throughout America: “I just absolutely love my thigh-length Ugg boots,” one tween reported. “I wear them with short-shorts on a cold winter day and they keep my legs so cozy!” Apparently, the regular “tall” version just didn’t THE HIGHLAND FLING, APRIL 2013

do it for those windy, snowy days out in Suburbia. See-through leggings have also become even more popular, especially with teenage girls. “I admit, they’re not too conventional. But why should we conform to the standard definition of a pair of pants? Even though my leggings are not very warm, show everything, and look like sheer tights, they should still count as ‘pants,’” another girl exclaimed.

New male styles also appeared in Vogue

with trends ranging from bright pink Adidas socks to baggy jeans with suspenders.

“Before suspenders became popular, I had to constantly tug at my pants so that my boxers showed through. Now, I can just keep my jeans at knee level and hold them up with lengthy suspenders! Problem solved,” an excited teen boy commented.

Other gender-neutral styles include fringe onesies, six-inch sneaker wedges, and animal-print ponchos. The sneaker

wedges are perfect for prom or track practice; when you’re wearing a pair of these six-inch shoes, you never have to change.

Additionally, the fringe onesie, although incredibly uncomfortable, goes great with a fringe bag and a fringe jacket. And obviously the animal-print poncho speaks for itself!

3

Diplomacy Is for Lovers funkimui Spring is here and love is in the air at Highland Park High School. Pending nuptials are not too far in the distance, and I for one, hope I’m invited. HP’s very own Mr. Adam Gold, advisor of the Model UN/Congress team, economics and history teacher, and the staff member most likely to become an H&M model, is lovestruck and not afraid to show it.

When asked about his approaching summer wedding, he replied with a smile, “I’m very excited. I can’t wait to be asked ‘Speaker do you accept?’ and finally be able to say ‘I do.’” …Wait. What? While traditional marriage customs have changed, and more and more bridegrooms are opting to write their own vows, ‘Speaker do you accept’ is definitely a new one. Clearly, Mr. Gold’s diplomacy and passion for parliamentary procedure will be coming into play when he ties the knot with his blushing bride. (Will she opt to wear western business attire in lieu of the commonplace

and cliché Vera Wang? Maybe black and grey are the new white.)

Guests can expect to participate in riveting discussion over dinner. Pressing world issues most likely to spark heated debate include which side of the family krumps the best on the dance floor, and if the newlyweds really needed 7 sets of fine-china on their wedding registry. One might even witness borderline breaches of decorum when the bouquet is thrown and female guests just can’t agree to whom it rightfully belongs. Hopefully, they will be able to draft a solution.

With so many details to organize, I hope the wedding planner has some effective and comprehensive solutions up his or her sleeve to make this wedding run smoothly.

No matter what, this wedding is not going to be one to miss. As Mr. Gold prepares for married life full of love, communication, and a little rapid-fire debate every now and again, The Highland Phlegm wishes him the best of luck and declares his Summer 2013 wedding (almost) in session.

Right: Mr. Gold prepares to wed in the same way that he rules Model UN conferences.

It’s Not Personal; It’s Psychological Silver Marker

The rumor is confirmed: Mr. Werner Colmon, ex-conductor of the Highland Park High School Concert and Jazz Bands, has officially accepted the position as the high school’s student psychologist and his new title as Dr. Colmon. “At first, I wasn’t sure if I was making the right decision,” Dr. Colmon admitted to The Phlegm. “I mean, what kind of cruel human being would I be to leave those band kids in someone else’s hands? I didn’t even warn the new guy about what a process it is to tune the flute section...” The former conductor has definitely showed hesitation about leaving the band. Yet, it’s safe to say that Dr. Colmon is fully qualified and a clef-er man. With a college degree in musical theory, he can practically read people’s minds. Two students were sent to Dr. Colmon’s temporary office (the wall of the choir room with the couch so students can rest) for engaging in a fight in the cafeteria. “Though I appreciate both of you taking a stand,” Dr. Colmon responded after listening to both of the students vent, “Violins is not

the answer.” He added: “I hope your kids are exactly like you.” To The Phlegm, he added as an aside: “I knew they were treble when they walked in...”

Another student said,“I feel like high school is going too fast.” Dr. Colmon responded, “Life is not just a slur; you’ve gotta enjoy every moment of it.” He is also on record for helping a student who didn’t know how to quell her anxiety about Calculus (grades were hovering in the key of F). “Tuba-d... Math is clearly not your forte.” His favorite breathing technique calls for breathing in for eight counts, holding it for four beats, and breathing out in increments of sixteenth notes, with an indefinite fermata. And then repeat. His goal is to tune up the minds of the general student population.

“We are all just stick-holders in a large piece of music. We must evolve into percussionists.” Dr. Colmon is looking to hire more staff in the near future.

Note: For his hours, check the time signature on the door.

Left: Dr. Werner Colmon comforts one of his first patients, freshman Kyle Thieringer.

Kama Sutra Mural

Salad Train To combat the rising prevalence of STIs, high schools and middle schools around the nation have developed stricter curriculums focused on educating students about sexual health and safe sex procedures.

However, such middling approaches may not be sufficient. With media influences

such as Jersey Shore and Sixteen and Pregnant, teachers do not believe that a quarter-long health class is enough to counteract the constant exposure of unsafe surroundings. So several members of the high school staff have come up with a more permanent solution to this problem.

Ms. Klimowicz, the Teen Pep instructor, will lead a group of teachers in a proj-

ect to paint a mural depicting safe sex practices in the hallway outside the Health classroom. “This way,” Ms. Klimowicz explained, “the students will be exposed to something that promotes the use of contraception. Because students are in school 7 hours a day, 5 days a week, the mural will have to influence them after a while.” Only time will tell whether this

Editors

Chief: Charlotte Finegold Online: Xuewei Ouyang News: Oscar Lee Feature: Amy Wang Opinion: Maddie Hehir Sports: Sylvia Marks A&E: Elena Weissmann Layout: Stefana Voicu Advisor Moderate Matt Photographers Zoe Temple, Jacob Choi, Miranda Safir, Tia Wangli, Amita Shukla, Sarah Rozaidi

The Highland Phlegm

is a sustainable solution. Several teachers have already submitted drafts depicting their ideas of the mural. Meanwhile, the Board of Education is still holding a heated debate over the approval of this radical method of education.

Staff Writers Sarah Cheng, Boning Zhao, Shuhong Chen, Olivia Draper, Yang Xu, Grace Chong, Gregory Burdea, Tia Wangli, Amita Shukla, Andrea Boffice, Eli Liebell-McLean, Jana Choi, Shana Oshinskie, Jake Callahan, Maverick Lin, Zoe Temple, Annie McCrone

Questions? Comments? Concerns? Contact thehighlandfling@gmail.com Write, draw, and take pictures for The Highland Fling!

Come to our next meeting!

APRIL 2013, THE HIGHLAND FLING

4

Watch Out, Harvard: Rutgers Is Now an Ivy

Madison He-Her On March 13 , 2013, Dr. Robert L. Barchi announced that Rutgers University, the State University of New Jersey, has now officially become an Ivy League school.

While the discussion of Rutgers entering into Ivy League status was broached in the past, it was not until 2013 that Rutgers officially joined the hallowed league.

The current students of Rutgers University have been seen celebrating, upon the realization that they entered into a state university and will leave as graduates of an Ivy League. Current seniors in Highland Park High School have also started to celebrate, realizing that they have just been accepted to an Ivy League school. Governor Chris Christie has expressed “excitement,” according to one source, that New Jersey will now be home to two Ivy League Universities – Princeton and Rutgers.

So, how did Princeton University, the first school to ever rival Rutgers in the first ever college football game (and oh yeah, Rutgers won), react to the news that they th

would be getting some friendly competition? Not well.

Some Princeton students have even expressed interest into transferring to Rutgers, while others are ready for the two universities to compete and see who the better Ivy League school is. Let’s just say that the age old rivalry between the Scarlet Knights and the Tigers has just escalated.

As for the rest of the Holy Trinity of Ivy League schools – Yale, Harvard, and the previously mentioned Princeton University – they are also starting to feel the pressure. President Richard C. Levin of Yale University questions if students will still want to travel to their Ivy League status school, when students could opt to stay in New Jersey and enjoy all the wonders of the Jersey Shore, and receive the same level of education they would if they decided to move to Connecticut. While Yale University’s location has always come below Princeton’s, now a second Ivy League school in New Jersey is causing

the Connecticut-bound university to panic.

Harvard has yet to release a statement on Rutgers University’s exciting news. The Highland Phlegm contacted Harvard University and asked for a comment, but President Drew Faust did not return any of our messages. Only time will tell how the other colleges and universities will react to Rutgers’s new status.

As for Highland Park High School’s current juniors and underclassmen, Rutgers University has yet to release its new set of admission requirements, including standards for GPAs and SAT scores, or the cost to attend the University. It is still undetermined whether those are subjected to change dramatically or to only change slightly.

The little University across the river, however, has certainly earned a new found respect from the students of HPHS. Now Rutgers is the little IVY LEAGUE University across the river.

SparkLife Trumps SparkNotes That you’re the most annoying couple in school.

Signs

Everyone Hates Snacks of the

YOLO

8 15

90s

Bottle Pops?

SparkNotes is undeniably a fantastic resource. Sure, you can look up the laws of thermodynamics, or find the plotline of Catcher in the Rye. But SparkLife wins hands down. Who doesn’t want clear, concise answers to everything (EVERYTHING)?

Obviously real life applications abound for this sort of advice. Why read Pride and Prejudice when you could instead use SparkLife to figure out your “Jane Austen name”? It will charm your English teacher for sure when you sign your name as Elizabeth Bennet on your test,

Best

Ami Tashu

Day

Accessories Pick-Up Lines: What’s a Pi like you doing in a bar chart like this?

regardless of whether you know who Fitzwilliam Darcy is.

Next time someone asks, “How’s school?” SparkLife’s got you covered with 100 different responses. It’s like For Dummies, but better, in numbered lists. Clear, concise advice at your fingertips: who isn’t clamoring to get the lowdown on J.K Rowling’s take on Doctor Who? It’s too bad that they don’t publish a print paperback copy.

Morning Announcements Edition Blond D. Fourlife

______________________ morning, Highland Park High School!

(ADJECTIVE) We would like to congratulate ________________. He/She ________________

(STUDENT NAME)

(PAST TENSE VERB)

_____ (#)

________

in a game against ______________ this weekend.

(SPORTS TEAM)

(PLURAL NOUN)

________________ and ___________________ will be holding an ______________ dance-off to settle their argument over __________________.

(TEACHER)

(TEACHER)

(ADJECTIVE)

(PLURAL NOUN)

_______________ will be holding a ____________ concert this Thursday to benefit the _____________ _______________ club.

(TEACHER)

(MUSIC GENRE)

(ADJECTIVE)

(PLURAL NOUN)

Attention, students. A new rule will be enacted on Friday: All students must _____________ whenever anyone says_____________. All ________________, (VERB)

(NOUN)

(GRADE LEVEL)

in addition, must __________________ at the same time. Should you choose to abstain, ______________ will ____________ you.

(VERB)

(TEACHER)

(VERB)

Finally, could all members of the _________________ team/club please report to center hall immediately to practice singing ________________________________.

(CLUB/TEAM)

(SONG TITLE)

They will be performing it at a competition in ____________________ against _________________________ for a prize of _________ ____________________!

(PLACE)

(CELEBRITY)

(#)

(PLURAL NOUN).

Thank you, that’s all the announcements!

THE HIGHLAND FLING, APRIL 2013

5

Exclusive Look at the First World Leaders’ Summit On the eve of the Ides of March, the United Nations put into effect Resolution 007-1337-101, a.k.a. the DUCK Resolution, which outlines the battle between heads of UN member states to become King/Queen-of-the-World.

Under this policy, world leaders of every nation will participate in a friendly and televised battle for supremacy on a date that has yet to be announced. The participants will be allowed to bring in one handheld weapon of choice (which must be manufactured within their nation) and a nation can send their combatants one pound of supplies for a price of 500 billion Korean Wons. Many lesser

Her Majesty Elizabeth II, Queen of Great Britain and the Commonwealth

Above: Queen Elizabeth II wears her game face.

Surprisingly Queen Elizabeth II, the constitutional monarch of England, has something up her sleeves besides tea leaves and crumpets. As the leader of one of the strongest nations in the world, she is not as weak as she is made out to be.

Jah On E’ An

nations have already opted out of this resolution, formally citing that it goes against the foundations of the UN (but informally admitting that they cannot cover the costs), but the Security Council has unanimously passed said resolution. “Nations that opt out of this wondrous program will no longer receive aid from the UN,” says Ban Ki-moon, the Secretary-General of the United Nations in an unofficial statement to Vladimir Putin, the President of Russia and a strong proponent of this measure. The cards in this article detail the roster for this worldwide competition.

Various other leaders have also expressed their intentions to join including, but not limited to: Wen Jiabao, the Premier of the People’s Republic of China, who has funding that could match that of the US; Joseph Kabila, the leader of the Democratic Republic of Congo, who matches or perhaps surpasses Vladimir Putin’s combat expertise; Robert Gabriel Mugabe, the President of Zimbabwe, who is ruthless in his plans although he is quite old at the age of 88.

The Former Governor of California, Arnold Schwarzenegger has also expressed his intention of joining, despite his lack of status as a world leader. In response, the UN has decided to offer him a position the panel of commentators for the televised event along with famous names such as Chuck Norris, President George W. Bush, the 14th Dalai Lama of Tibet, Justin Bieber, and Kenny, from South Park. Schwarzenegger rejected the offer and expressed his disdain by flipping over multiple tables in the UN conference hall before making his exit on a flying, rainbow-colored robot dolphin named “Happy”; onlookers claim that, before he rode into the sunset, he declared menacingly: “I’ll be back.” The UN has expressed their well-placed concerns that Schwarzenegger might indeed be back to interfere with this event and have employed the assistance of highly trained robot monkeys (courtesy of MIT) to deal with the rogue governor.

This event is shaping out to be the biggest clash in the known history of mankind and should not be missed. It

President of the United States: Barack Hussein Obama

Above: President Obama is not afraid to use force.

Strengths: Ridiculous amounts of funding and almost unmatched amounts of warfare technology at his disposal.

Although lacking in stature and raw physical prowess when juxtaposed with other leaders, our president won’t need physical power since our nation will probably end up sending him enough supplies to presumably drown the entire area of battle in coffee and doughnuts to distract the enemy combatants before paying the quadrillions of wons required to drop him a Automated Blackhawk Chopper, which he can control with a suitcase (if Call of Duty forum sources are correct). However, his chances of survival are weakened by the probability that it will take Congress months to authorize these funds. should be televised in the near future on any news channel that matters for your viewing pleasure. Please remember that all the information within this article is pieced together from various sources and may not be the full story, therefore it is advised to keep quiet about this resolution, lest you leak classified information. continued on p. 6

Promposals: A Complex Affair Zoe Oh, Yay

PROM?

How can you tell when prom season is approaching at HPHS? Well, when even teachers have begun discussing who’s asking whom, it’s clear that the one day in second semester that seniors actually put in effort for (other than graduation) is on its way. Prom proposals, a.k.a. promposals have traditionally been a major part of the entire prom experience (for some schools more than others). This year, Highland Park High School has seen a surge in elaborate methods of asking someone to prom, often when people least expect it.

Others have opted for more dramatic prom proposals.

One student managed to smuggle in a giant water tank containing a great white shark. He stood in front of the tank holding a sign with “Prom?” scribbled in crayon.

When asked what the shark was for, the student paused before replying, “I’m not really sure actually. It just seemed like a really macho thing to do.” The student then

proceeded to show off his “macho” muscles before he was dragged away by several PETA representatives.

Some schemes have even interfered with daily school proceedings, including one that disrupted classes with a school-wide assembly. The student managed to gather the entire school into the gym for a supposed “information session” on the importance of privacy in a society that shares every detail with the rest of the world. Once all students and teachers were seated, the student walked to the center of the room, holding the hand of his potential prom date, and asked her to prom. She accepted, and the students and teachers were immediately dismissed. The actual prom proposal lasted two minutes, but the overall commute time added up to half an hour, leading to an uproar from teachers and students alike. One teacher exclaimed angrily, “We’re already behind our schedule to prepare for the AP exam, and now we have to miss thirty

minutes of class to watch one awkward teenager ask another awkward teenager to prom?”

Despite all the borderline-ridiculous prom proposals that have occurred so far, the complexity continues to escalate. Rumors of Albadome signs and skydiving students fill the hallways of HPHS. The Board of Education has become concerned about the danger of the promposals and is currently in the process of implementing a policy that bans prom altogether in order to eliminate the dangerous and extreme prom askings.

Despite the prospect of having no prom, HPHS seniors continue determined to compete for the best prom proposal. Until the new policy has been put in place, be wary of the next prom asking, as you never know who or what may come your way.

APRIL 2013, THE HIGHLAND FLING

6

Surveying the Sumo Scene Bon In Zow

Above: seniors Alex Vanarthos (left) and Freddy Cacace (right) face off in HPHS’s first official sumo wrestling match. Each is egged on newly-formed folds of skin, their stomachs gradually by their coach, Mr. Girvan. slipped out of the small confines their shirts, and their

Although the Highland Park High School wrestlers recently hung up their singlets as the season ended, they will soon be returning onto the mat in preparation for their first sumo bout. Despite the difficulty of the two sports, the team clearly displays their unwavering ambitions for success and their unrivaled dedication towards their passion.

Throughout the wrestling season, food and water were delicacies rarely indulged in, since each wrestler was responsible for keeping his weight at a specific level. Each wrestler starved himself until that limit was met; despite their heated determination, cheek bones became heavily apparent, facial complexions lost their natural color, and body sizes shrunk to half their sizes. According to senior veteran Freddy Cacace, “Yeah, I couldn’t really eat much

food, but it was alright. Do you know why? I’ll tell you why. Because on the mat, I devoured the souls and tears of my competitors!”

As the wrestlers shift their focus towards the sumo season, however, food has became a priority. As the first day of wrestling concluded, Freddy was elated to find that he had suddenly gained 15 pounds while senior wrestler Alex Vanarthos had gained an unbelievable 29 pounds! Their cheekbones quickly disappeared under

necks widened to equal the circumference of their heads.

Day by day, their walks to classes progressively took the form of wobbles down the hallways. After school, the two seniors would spend hours in their rooms either polishing their mawashis (sumo belt) or eating whatever they could get their hands on. Alex told The Phlegm: “My stomach has become a bottomless pit. No matter what goes in, there will be always more room. I eat, sleep, and practice; I mainly eat though… it’s actually kind of scary.”

The two seniors have utmost dedication towards the upcoming sumo season. Hopefully, their effort will translate to victorious results.

Exclusive Look at the First World Leaders’ Summit (cont.)

President of Russia: Vladimir Vladimirovich Putin

Emperor of Japan: Akihito Supreme Leader of North Korea: Kim Jong-un

Above: Vladimir Putin trains for the Summit.

Strengths: His many combat credentials including being a black belt in Karate, a 6th Dan in Judo, and probably proficiency in Bear Wrestling. Russia is also quite wealthy compared to some other combatants and technologically advanced.

At first look, this terror from Russia seems to have it in the bag, coming into the fray with more combat experience than most world leaders combined, technology ahead of most nations bar the top tiers and the economic backings of “Second World Country,” although according to a statement from a randomly selected Russian off the streets of Highland Park High School: “That’s just a title the monkeys in America made up to feel better about themselves.”

Shortly following the interview, this interviewee leaped out the window of Dr. M’s second floor science classroom and beat up a family of bears.

However, while Putin is well qualified to take the win, he might have some trouble with a few more specialized leaders.

THE HIGHLAND FLING, APRIL 2013

Above: Akihito may look like a sweet, harmless grandfather, but he is ruthless in competition.

Above: a photo from The Onion’s Sexiest Man Alive Shoot.

Strengths: He is armed to the teeth in threats of nuclear weapons, insanity, and possibly roast duck.

Looks can be deceiving for this young leader that has captured the hearts of billions, named the “Sexiest Man Alive” in 2012 by the trustworthy online newspaper, The Onion. Beneath his “cute, cuddly” face lies a man prepared to do anything for his nation in this battle, and while other powerhouses such as Putin and Obama may not resort to low tactics in order to keep their image, this resourceful young man has no fear to use taboo tactics such as hair pulling and biting. Many underground gambling sites have already named him as the wild card pick due to his unpredictable nature.

Strengths: The emperor has the resources of what might be the most technologically-advanced nation in the world.

The head of the Japanese Imperial Family is said to be the direct descendant of Amaterasu, the goddess of the sun and the entire universe. Although Japan is no longer a militarized nation on the surface, intelligence within the Japanese government found at a Japanese cartoon site has stated that their nation has succeeded in constructing what they call a “Gundam,” which in English translates roughly to “Freakin’ Awesome Robot with Lightsabers.” If this is true, then Japan merely has to muster the cost to drop in said weapon of destruction and it’ll be game, set, and match for all other combatants. If all else fails, he could also use his rocket propelled explosive hand since he’s probably an android, according to various reliable sources.

7

A Different Kind of Linsanity Salad Train

Above: Lin renounces tennis forever.

A stunned audience gathered in front of Mr. Ruck’s room on Thursday, March 14th to witness Highland Park’s local tennis star Maverick Lin (cousin of NBA player Jeremy Lin) recite over 159 digits of pi. Fellow classmates were shocked even further when he announced on the afternoon of Friday, March 15th, that he will no longer participate in tennis matches.

According to the newly-enlightened athlete, he felt that tennis failed to give him the natural high of success – it lacked thrill and difficulty. He

claimed to be in pursuit of a higher level of achievement – the sport of competitive memory.

As the ancient Greek playwright Aeschylus once said, “Memory is the mother of all wisdom.”

In order to attain self-actualization, Maverick has decided to challenge himself through competitive mental exercises.

His current achievements include the ability to memorize the periodic table diagonally, narrate President Obama’s first inaugural address backwards, and recite the phone numbers of all of his classmates found in the Friend

Finder.

Unfortunately, he has not been able to prove his last feat completely without members of the audience freaking out and running out of the room. However, he promises that this is only the beginning – he has plans to partake in the World Memory Championships held in London this year. Armed with his team of advisors, the former tennis star promises that the world will never forget his name, even if it is known for a radically-different pursuit.

Above: Lin practices for the World Memory Championships.

Messi Too Messy for Señor Esteban?

Olive Curtains As FC Barcelona, arguably the most prestigious team in the Spanish soccer league, La Liga, advance further along into their season, they continue to add to the number of losses in their overall record. Unsurprisingly, Highland Park’s very own Señor Esteban is currently taking the hardest hit to their change of game, as he witnesses his beloved team face numerous heart-wrenching losses. After watching loss after loss, first to AC Milan, one of the strongest soccer teams in Italy, then to their longtime rivals Real Madrid, and more recently tying with Paris Saint-Germain, one of the top soccer teams in France, Señor Esteban is finding it harder and harder to remain dedicated to his childhood heroes. Within the last few weeks, he has come to the realization that it is time for the infamous Lionel Messi poster to be torn down from his classroom wall. For there is a new star in Highland Park. Cristiano Ronaldo. Real Madrid’s top goal scorer, Portugal’s leading goal scorer, and the winner of countless awards, now owns a special place in Señor Esteban’s heart.

Highland Fling: How have FC Barcelona’s previous performances affected your everyday life?

Señor Esteban: As their losses began to tally up, my days

felt emptier. I was no longer comforted by the fact that they were the best team in the world, which really took the hardest toll on me. Needless to say it was obvious that I had been disappointed time and time again; my family, my colleagues, and even my students easily caught on, especially when my tests became significantly more challenging. I had to find a way to vent my emotions, and incorporating my anger into tests and grading quickly diminished my building frustrations. But it wasn’t long before it hit me -- no matter how many students I fail, my team will not stop failing me.

HF: In what ways has Messi’s style of play in many recent games disappointed you?

SE: Game after game, Messi’s style of play that I came to know and love, became messier and messier (yes, pun intended!). His natural touch to the ball looked forced, which was shown in the final score of many games, after he failed to get the ball into the back of the net. Not only that, but his timing was off too.

Although it pains me to say it, along with his speed and skill, his godly essence is fading.

HF: What prompted you to become a Real Madrid fan?

SE: One can only stick around for so long after being continuously disappointed by

the people they love. Once I started meticulously watching Real Madrid’s matches, I noticed the full extent of their greatness. Their technique was mesmerizing, their skill was haunting, and their level of intensity each time the ball reached their feet could make Mr. Nobles cry.

HF: How was your life changed since you have switched to the other side of the greatest rivalry in Spain?

SE: My life is filled with more happiness. I look forward to watching their games, which was something that was hard to do when I was a Barcelona fan. I also have fewer dentist appointments since I don’t grind my teeth in frustration anymore.

My smile is brighter, unlike Barcelona’s future.

HF: What are your feelings towards Cristiano Ronaldo?

SE: Well, I plan on hanging up a signed poster of him; I think that pretty much says it all. He is worthy of being hung up on my wall of fame, where both my students and I can admire his glory. His ability to not only assist his teammates in scoring goals, but to score goals himself is truly unbelievable. Ronaldo is a remarkable player, with his enticing intellect, his astonishing wisdom, and his luscious hair (most likely the best in La

Above: Señor Esteban criticizes Lionel Messi, his former idol.

Liga), and I hate that I did not recognize this sooner. He is also taller than the corner flags, unlike Messi, which makes all

the difference when drawing the line between winners and losers.

HPHS Student Saves the World Palme D’Or Highland Park is home to some of the most accomplished students in the world, but no one has had as much success in changing the world as our very own Gabriel Trevor.

“I just wanted to make a difference,” said Trevor. “The article I read shook me to my core. I just had to do something.”

After reading a New Yorker piece about homeless LGBT youth in New York City, Mr. Trevor did something so revolutionary even he could hardly believe himself—he posted the article on Facebook.

“I had never posted an article before, so it was sort of like an out-of-body experience for me.

And by posting the story, so

many more people will know about teen homelessness. Thanks to me, someone else might actually do something about it,” said the pioneering junior. “I might tweet it later, if I’m feeling particularly courageous.”

And he has not stopped there.

Gabe, inspired by a Susan G. Komen television commercial,

“

JUNIOR GABE TREVOR I might tweet it later, if I’m feeling particularly courageous.

To Cure Cancer.’ So of course, I ‘liked’ it. The phone rang a couple seconds later and the man on the phone congratulated me, ‘Gabe, thanks to your “like,” cancer is now a thing of the past.

Thank you for curing cancer.’

It was pretty amazing.” He has been on the front lines ever since, continuing to fight the good fight, liking every post on his Facebook activity feed about fatal diseases and pressing social issues.

decided to “like” a cancer awareness picture he saw on Facebook. “Superimposed on the pink background was the statement ‘Like This Picture

Above: junior Gabe Trevor curing cancer, one like at a time.

APRIL 2013, THE HIGHLAND FLING

8

Umbridge at HPHS Charlie Mediocre Silver

EDUCATIONAL DECREE NO 23 All Apples, Granola Bars, Bagels, Sandwiches, Cookies, Chocolate Bars, String Cheese, Sticks (Carrot, Celery, Etc.), Soda, Chips, and other Food and Beverages are Banned from the Hallways and Classrooms of HPHS. The above is in accordance with Educational Decree No 23 Signed Dolores Jane Umbridge HPHS High Inquisitor

EDUCATIONAL DECREE NO 24 In Order to Access the Internet, Students Must Fill Out and Turn In the 100Page Manual Sent Home to Parents.

The above is in accordance with Educational Decree No 24 Signed Dolores Jane Umbridge HPHS High Inquisitor

EDUCATIONAL DECREE NO 25

Any Student Found in the Hall Without a Pass Shall Be Expelled.

The above is in accordance with Educational Decree No 25 Signed Dolores Jane Umbridge HPHS High Inquisitor

EDUCATIONAL DECREE NO 26

No Music is to be Played or Listened to in Study Hall.

The above is in accordance with Educational Decree No 26 Signed Dolores Jane Umbridge HPHS High Inquisitor

THE HIGHLAND FLING, APRIL 2013

HIGHLAND THE INSIDE NEWS The exploits of Dennis Rodman p. 2

9

FLING APRIL 2013

Atticus Finch Jr., featuring Gabe Trevor (junior) on bass, Josh Siegel (freshman) on guitar, and Jem Seidel (eighth-grader) on dums.

Some Unexpected New Talent Hannah Weaver

Highland Park High School has hosted a talented group of musicians throughout the years, including The Mile Long Boyz, Jess Nolan, and DannyP. Continuing the trend, a new band is ready to face the residents of this cozy town: Atticus Finch Jr. One of HPHS’ several literary-named musical groups, the band took the audience at the Highland Park Teen Committee’s talent show by storm. Nobody anticipated Josh Seigel’s over-the-head guitar solo, or Jem Seidel’s heart-thumping drum line… and who knew Gabe Trevor could sing?

Atticus Finch Jr. came to be as the brainchild of Gabe Trevor (junior), Josh Seigel (freshman), and Jem Seidel (eighth-grader).

At first the musicians “struggled to find a suitable name for [the] group,” according to Trevor, but eventually got the idea for “Atticus Finch” from a friend. The boys tagged “Jr.” on the end as a way to differentiate themselves, since “Atticus Finch” already exists as a band’s name. Their musical vision encompasses both the jazz and rock genres, with complex guitar parts and rhythmic bass lines. The boys were first inspired to make music together as a way to escape the adult-run, stricter settings of the school’s chamber orchestra and jazz band.

The trio’s original inception occurred this year after Trevor (who plays bass) and Siegel (guitar) contacted Seidel with hopes

of finding a drummer and starting a band. They all shared the same goal: to play music without the limits of a formal setting. According to Trevor, “We jammed a bit for a couple weeks, but we decided to formalize what we were doing as a ‘band’ when we heard about the talent show.” And what a band! Prior to their first performance, they had a somewhat laughable reputation among peers. One such person exclaimed, “A band? Really? That should be interesting,” while another admitted, “I had no idea they were serious about this!”

Luckily for Atticus Finch Jr., their debut proved their dedication and talent to be a serious matter. The group played “Next Girl” by The Black Keys, which featured Trevor’s vocals, and “Hey Joe” by Jimi Hendrix, which highlighted Seigel’s rad guitar skills. Although the threesome’s current repertoire only includes covers, Trevor noted that the band would write some originals soon. He also made sure to point out that Atticus Finch Jr. hopes to take more opportunities to perform live – so keep an eye out for them at local performances!

Additionally, if the Teen Committee’s talent show did not fulfill your craving for Atticus Finch Jr.’s music, check out Josh Seigel’s YouTube channel (www.youtube.com/msmegajosh), where you can find their latest songs. Make sure to keep an eye out for Atticus Finch Jr.’s next performance date; word on the street is that they’re pretty good!

FEATURE Local Love p. 3 Clean Your Room!

You’ll Feel Great p. 6 OPINION St. Patrick’s Day p. 5 A&E The Allure of Ryan Gosling p. 7 SPORTS Player Profile p. 8

The members of Atticus Finch Jr. jamming in rehearsal for the talent show.

APRIL 2013, THE HIGHLAND FLING

10

NEWS Dennis Rodman’s New BFF: Kim Jong Un Sam Trub Former All-Star and current Hall of Fame basketball player Dennis Rodman recently made headlines when he made a high profile trip to North Korea to host basketball exhibitions. There, he was seen laughing and having a good time at a basketball game with North Korean Dictator Kim Jong Un. North Korea’s government has been under incredibly scrutiny for its inhumane treatment of its citizens and nuclear weapons program. This issue has been especially publicized recently, after North Korea launched a test missile into the Pacific Ocean.

North Korea is considered to be the world’s largest threat, and has even goaded China into sanctioning its protégé. However, just as North Korea has had numerous violation issues and continues to enforce its absurd policies, Dennis Rodman has had a number of incidents that have earned him an infamous reputation as an eccentric and wild player. It started a few years into his basketball career, when he became known for dying his hair all different shades of bright and unnatural colors. Soon it escalated to being known not only for his funky hair, but also for getting into altercations with other players and officials during games. Oftentimes, he was suspended and received large fines for these incidents. He also has had many legal troubles and a highly publicized relationship with the singer Madonna, not to mention a brief marriage to actress Carmen Electra.

He has repeatedly admitted to his transgressions but defended himself by claiming to set an example

for those who want to be different but are afraid of alienating themselves.

After his return from North Korea, Rodman called Kim Jong Un his friend and said he had plans of visiting again this summer. His words caused uproar in the media, as many people could not see how Dennis Rodman could have befriended such a “monster.” He even went so far as to encourage Barack Obama to call Kim Jong Un, because they both share an interest in basketball. The United States chided Rodman for spending more time talking to Kim Jong Un than focusing on the situation of the North Korean people. Rodman, in response to this whole situation, commented that, “I don’t condone what he does, but he’s my friend.”

When The Fling interviewed students of Highland Park High School regarding their opinion on the matter, most were surprised by Rodman’s bonding with the supreme leader of North Korea. However, one junior stated that while she did not believe it was an intelligent decision on the part of Rodman to go to North Korea, the United States should make use of this unexpected friendship and let Rodman serve as a diplomat who could talk Kim Jong Un and help facilitate treaties between the United States and North Korea. In any case, the United States has a celebrity on their hands who has once again garnered national attention with yet another one of his unpredictable antics.

Dr. Hannah B. Gay has cured HIV, a most formidable opponent of modern science and medicine, from a newborn baby in an unprecedented medical first. An associate professor of pediatrics, Dr. Gay has been able to expunge a great deal of the HIV virus from the body of a Mississippi baby to the point where any possibility of the virus multiplying has been eliminated. Thus, for all intents and purposes, the baby has been cured. However, the work of this soon-to-be famous doctor was not the result of some kind of panacea or miracle drug, but merely aggressive treatment at very early stages of the baby’s and the virus’ life. She eliminated the virus before it was able to establish reservoirs within the body that were out of the reach of modern drugs.

Although many in the medical community are

HIV/AIDS 1930s - A form of simian immunodeficiency

virus (SIV) jumped to humans in cenral Africa. The mutated virus became the first human immunodeficiency virus, HIV-1.

1959 - The first documented death caused by HIV occurred in the Congo.

1960s - HIV-2 transferred to people in West Africa from sooty mangabey monkeys.

1966 - Studies show that HIV first arrived in the Americas, infecting one person in Haiti.

1979 - The earliest case of AIDS in the United

States was of a baby girl born in New Jersey in 1973 or 1974 to a sixteen year old mother, previously a drug-injector with multiple sexual partners. The baby, who contracted HIV-1, died in 1979 at the age of five.

1982 - The U.S. CDC formally recognized AIDS as a disease, establishing the term Acquired Immune Deficiency Syndrome (AIDS).

1983 - The U.S. Public Health Services issued

HIV Virus Struck Down by Mississippi Doctor John Yang

TIMELINE

skeptical, the results seem promising. If this method of treatment is proven to be effective at preventing HIV in babies born of HIV infected parents, it could decrease the spread of HIV to a great extent. This is especially noteworthy in underdeveloped countries, where treatment for mothers during childbirth is not standardized. Unfortunately, these results do not represent a significant milestone in the development of a cure for the already infected adults who must continue on the drug cocktail to merely keep the virus at bay. Nor do they do much to assist American citizens, since our advanced medical technologies limits HIV transfers from mother to child to a low 200 a year. However, this is still a medical breakthrough that will go down in the textbooks for ages to come as one of the many firsts in the human history.

Science This Month: 7 New Discoveries You Should Know About 1. Nanoparticles infused with toxic bee venom were found to kill HIV. 2. A new study claims that 14 adults have been “functionally cured” of HIV. 3. A study suggests that a comet, not an asteroid, killed the dinosaurs.

4. Scientists from Oregon State University reconstruct the global temperature record since the end of the last ice age. Taken from 73 sites around the world, their data shows a clear, rapid warming trend in the last 200 years.

recommendations for preventing transmission of HIV through sexual contact and blood transfusions.

1984 - Dr. Robert Gallo of the National Cancer Institute discovered that a retrovirus causes AIDS.

1985 - The first International AIDS Confer-

ence, hosted by the U.S. Department of Health and Human Services (DHHS) and the World Health Organization (WHO) defined the symptoms of AIDS in Africa as “prolonged fevers for a month or more, weight loss of over 10% and prolonged diarrhea”.

1986 - The retrovirus causing AIDS was named Human Immunodeficiency Virus (HIS).

1987 - The U.S. FDA approved first antiretroviral drug, AZT (zidovudine).

1988 - The first World AIDS Day took place.

1991 - Several celebrities, including NBA star

Magic Johnson and rock star Freddie Mercury, publicly announced having contracted HIV.

1995 - The U.S. FDA approves the first prote-

ase inhibitor, saquinavir, which allows highly active retroiral theraoy (HAART), a new kind of treatment, to be possible.

1997 - AIDS-related deaths in the U.S. declined by more than 40% compared to 1996, largely due to HAART.

2002 - HIV was the leading cause of death worldwide among those aged 15-59.

5. If global average temperatures rise by just 2 ° Celsius, the number of extreme storm surges like Hurricane Katrina will increase tenfold, new research finds.

2007 - The CDC reports that over 565,000 peo-

6. Scientists have developed a tiny, implantable device that goes just underneath the skin and can monitor a range of blood-related conditions. It can provide instant results via mobile phone and will be available to patients within four years.

2011 - Scientists announced that daily antiviral

7. A European research team releases an all-sky map. The map suggests that the universe is 13.798 ± 0.037 billion years old, older than thought. The team states that the universe contains 4.9% ordinary matter, 26.8% dark matter, and 68.3% dark energy.

THE HIGHLAND FLING, APRIL 2013

ple died of AIDS in the U,S. since 1981.

drugs help reduce infection rates by over 60%.

2013 - A toddler has been “functionally cured” of HIV infection.

11

FEATURE Local Love April

Andrea Boffice Notice how the food list gets longer the closer we get to spring. This is finally when things start growing, the weather gets warmer, and we crave less savory things and more fluids, like fruits and juices. It’s no wonder spring is the time of rebirth—and why we celebrate Easter now while everything is coming back to life. It’s becoming the best time to eat fruits because they are fresh—not frozen, shipped, sprayed, or sealed.

I especially recommend that everyone take advantage of strawberries and avocadoes while they are in season and delicious. Avocados are good on chicken, tortillas, chips, salads, breads, and anything else you want. As for strawberries, I like to crush fresh strawberries and mix them with equal parts aloe and olive oil with a little sea salt for a really awesome skin scrub.

Strawberry Smoothie

¼ cup of water

Cooking time: 7 minutes

1 cup of juice (any kind, but I recommend freshly squeezed orange juice)

Smoothies are the best thing to have for breakfast, in my opinion. Nuts make them filling, fruit makes them energizing, and they are actually healthy (unlike bacon or cereal) and delicious. I’ve tried ordering smoothies at other places, and I always hate them because they taste too sickly sweet. That’s because many add sugar or gross vanilla powder. But at home I make it with just good fruit.

Ingredients: 1 ½ cup of fresh rinsed strawberries

1. Put the ten whole almonds in the blender with the ¼ cup of water. Let it run for a few minutes to really let the almonds chop small. Congratulations, you’ve made the basics of almond milk.

2. Add the strawberries, juice, and yogurt and blend for a few more minutes. Blend more or add more water/juice if necessary.

3. Pour in a glass and add a few ice cubes if necessary, and enjoy.

10 almonds ½ cup of plain yogurt (not Greek yogurt, although that does sound kind of interesting) Homeade Chile-Lime Tortilla Chips Cooking time: 30 minutes If you go to Mexican restaurants that make their own chips, you sit down and know that you’ll be full by the time your food comes because homemade tortilla chips are addicting. They are spicy, warm, salty, crunchy, and best of all, they are baked instead of fried, so no one burns their kitchen down.

Ingredients: 12 6-inch corn tortillas 2 tablespoons of squeezed lime juice ½ teaspoon chili powder

Left and above: strawberry smoothies are a yummy and healthy treat, for breakfast or as a snack!

1. Put the oven racks in the middle and bottom trays of the oven. Preheat to 375 2. Paint both sides of each tortilla with oil and cut into quarters. Place tortilla wedges in an even layer on 2 large baking sheets.

3. Combine lime juice and chili powder in a small bowl. Brush the mixture on each tortilla wedge and sprinkle with salt.

4. Bake the tortillas halfway then switch the middle baking sheet to the bottom and the bottom to the middle. Bake for the remainder of the time or until golden and crisp.

5. Cut an avocado in half, remove the pit, and scoop out the fruit. You can’t let your chips go naked!

¼ teaspoon salt Cooking oil

Above: Bake your tortilla chips instead of frying them for a healthier (and safer!) alternative.

Avocado and Plantain Chip Salad Cooking time: 15 minutes I am a firm believer in simple salads with just oil and vinegar. But then I went to a Cuban restaurant for my mom’s birthday and they served salad that was incredibly delicious. I never thought avocado and plantain chips would be so good in a salad, but it was crunchy, nutty, creamy, and delicious. I tried to recreate it at home and think I did a pretty good job.

Ingredients: 1 head of lettuce, washed and chopped 1 avocado

Above: Avocado and plantain chips bring a whole new fruity twist to your classic salad.

1 cup of plantain chips (If you don’t know where to get these, I think they even sell them at the dollar store)

1 clove of garlic (or less if you’re not into garlic) 1 handful of fresh cilantro 1 teaspoon of vinegar Oil 1. Put the lettuce in a salad bowl and season with salt and oil as you would your normal salad.

2. Cut the avocado in half, hit the pit with the knife and twist it out. Use a spoon to scrape out the fruit. Put in the salad bowl 3. Wash and chop the cilantro finely. Add to the bowl. Do the same with the garlic.

Add the vinegar and lime juice. Mix the salad.

½ lime

Foods in Season for January: Artichokes Avocados Asparagus Beans Beets

Chicory Chives Dandelion Greens Fava Beans Leeks

Lettuce Limes Papayas Peas Shallot

Strawberries Sweet Onions Turnips Watercress APRIL 2013, THE HIGHLAND FLING

12

FEATURE Why Cleaning Your Room Will Save Your Life Shana Oshinskie Finally, the snow has melted, the sun is shining, and spring break lingers not far in the distance, offering a whole week of sleeping, hanging out with friends, and more sleeping. That is, until your parents mention those two terrible words: “Spring Cleaning.”

What’s the point? you might ask. Why should I clean my room when it’s only going to get messy again? Well, believe it or not, maintaining a clean room, an organized backpack, and uncluttered life has more benefits than just being able to see your floor or the bottom of your bag. It decreases stress, helps you maintain better grades, and may even give you better self-esteem.

Most teens clean their room because their parents want them to. Face it, though. Who benefits the most from a clean room? You, that’s who. One of the reasons for this is that when you do something nice for yourself, like tidy up a bit, it’s like giving yourself a little gift. You feel taken care of, even though you were the one that made the gesture. Eventually, that feeling will create more self-satisfaction and contribute towards a more positive mood, an optimistic outlook, and greater self-confidence.

Clean rooms breed better grades. Sure, it may sound a bit extreme, but think about it. When your room, backpack, desk, or locker is clean, you’ll know where your

important things are, so you won’t waste time looking for them. That allows you to have a better handle on what the homework is, when you’ll have that quiz in Bio, and where exactly that Montana 1948 book is. You will have time to do more homework and study more for tests, which will give your GPA a big boost. An anonymous freshman agrees with this idea, remarking, “I always feel more focused when all my things are put away. I can’t work until my desk is clear.” A sophomore chimed in, “That’s true. Plus I always feel a little stressed when everything is cluttered.”

High school, as Albert Einstein once said, “is 1% effort and 99% worrying about how you did with that effort.” (He did not actually say that, though it is true.)

Everything you do in school, you worry about afterwards—be it social interactions, schoolwork, or parents.

However, by leading a more organized life, you can reduce stress levels a lot. As the sophomore above stated, “Cluttered areas can be a little distracting and contribute to a worried atmosphere. When the area in front of you is neat, you’ll find that your thoughts flow more clearly as well.”

So will cleaning your room save your life? Probably not. However, it’s still a good idea, because not only will you be able to get into bed without hurting yourself, but you will experience a boost in attitude and academic performance as well.

Freshman Luke Schroeder feels the stress of a messy backpack.

The Fling Would Like To Wish You a Happy Spring!

Spring is a time of rebirth. Why not embrace your inner child and have a little fun? The staff here at the Fling has provided a picture for you to color (crayons not included).

Think you can color the best? Send pictures of your finished product to thehighlandfling@gmail.com; the winner will be announced in next month’s Fling!

Photo courtesy of etsy.com.

THE HIGHLAND FLING, APRIL 2013

13

OPINION [Insert Title Here] Your Name

NO LIE Eli Liebell-McLean

The Golden Rule

Ever wanted to know what it feels like to be in print? Don’t you want to get published? Now is your chance.

Join the Fling now! The Fling is Highland Park High School’s own newspaper, written by students for students. Write articles on a variety of topics, from movie reviews to what you think about life to breaking news. Express yourself and improve your writing skills.

Not into the written word? Help the newspaper with photography!

Submit photos of local events or students. Not into cameras? What about artwork, cartoons, or designs? Show the school what you can do. We love to exhibit our school’s talent!

Join the Fling and channel your skills into something substantive.

Come to our next meeting in Mr. Roche’s room (room 110) or email us at thehighlandlfing@gmail.com for questions. Happy Flinging!

This could be your article or photograph!

When we went to kindergarten, we were told that the classroom had a lot of rules, but that one rule was more important than any other: treat others the way you want to be treated. Huh. Seems reasonable to me. It’s not just the moral thing to do; from a biological standpoint, altruism is an effective way for a species to continue. Our parents told us that treating others the way we want to be treated is fundamentally good. It then seems strange that we live in a society that emphasizes competition over kindness.

Capitalism opposes the Golden Rule. It encourages competition to promote business, and allows the rich, powerful and well-born to succeed even if they happen to be pig-headed, greedy, and undeserving. Every time Paul Ryan opens his handsome mouth to spew his devotion to Ayn Rand, I feel the urge to resort to violence. Thinking that some people are intrinsically better than others is morally abhorrent and disgusting. “But,” you whine, “the more power invested in the intelligent, the better for the nation.” Wrong. Electing intelligent and qualified officials is beneficial, but creating a system that relegates those who are born without advantage to a life of poverty and failure is neither moral nor rewarding for our species. We don’t say “Social Darwinism” anymore because it is associated with Nazism and euthanasia, but that’s the way we live and that’s the way many politicians think our government should function.

Thus, Socialism presents itself as the best option. How can you be so greedy as to say that not every man, woman, and child does not deserve healthcare, education, employment, and the opportunity to live a productive life? Yet our politicians are afraid to say “socialism.’” They treat it as an insult. You will be taxed; grow up. We’re not in kindergarten any more.

To Green or Not to Green: To Suffer Sobriety, Or to Take Arms Against a Sea of Scriptures, And by Opposing, End Them Gregory Patrick Burdea

These days, people unify around the Shamrock Shake at McDonalds or a Guinness rather than around Christianity; they wear green as a symbol of blind participation rather than of historical recognition, which raises an interesting question: why should we celebrate St. Patrick’s Day? Do we follow legend, and wear green to become invisible to leprechauns that will pinch us if otherwise?

And more importantly, do we recognize the origins of this Irish-native holiday?

is also really seen as a partying and drinking holiday in America, but for my family and many other Irish families see it as a religious day and a day for giving thanks. I couldn’t say that we don’t have a good party though.” These habits show a sense of humility and Christian devotion that seem lost in our culture come March 17th.

March 17th commemorates the death of St. Patrick, a British Christian missionary to the once Pagan Ireland, who is now honored as the Patron Saint of Ireland. The ever familiar shamrock (three-leaf clover) represents the means by which St. Patrick explained the Christian Holy Trinity to the pagans. Irish immigrants brought the holiday to America following the Irish Potato Famine, and started a trend of markedly distinct parades that one could not find in Ireland.

Maeve Binchy states in her New York Times article “A Pint for St. Patrick in the New Ireland,” “…the day was meant to be both silent and sober…on this holiday we were a drinkless land. We used to watch with amazement the television coverage of how our emigrants in America whooped it up. We were as green as their dyed beer with our envy for people who knew how to give the saint a good day out.” But now, Binchy is proud of a convivial shift that has spread to Ireland ever since the mid-1970’s, a shift full of the green, shamrocks, cards, and beer. Binchy, however, fails to observe that in our day and age celebration spreads faster than Christendom.

To celebrate, Irish HPHS sophomore, Caleb Aspy shares that he and his family, “are going to the Irish pub in Metuchen to enjoy some traditional Irish food.” Irish senior Tyler Morris shows a similar focus on tradition, “My family and I stick very closely to the tradition, with the attendance of mass in the early morning, then a family gathering and celebration in the afternoon. My family does

Tyler passionately points to an inspirational unifying effect that the holiday has on people, he says, “Everybody’s Irish on March 17th.” But shouldn’t everybody be Christian? Ray Geaney of The Buffalo News reports in his opinion article, “In Ireland St. Patrick’s Day is a holy day of obligation during which Catholics are obliged to attend Mass. . . too often nowadays St. Patrick’s Day is a drink-

make corned beef and cabbage, which surprisingly is an American tradition, but we also like to make bacon and roasted chicken, which is an Irish tradition.” Tyler also notes, “Saint Patrick’s Day

ing celebration without a spiritual connotation. I believe the reverse is more appropriate.” I think what we have on our hands is another case of celebrating Christmas just for the presents.

APRIL 2013, THE HIGHLAND FLING

14

ARTS & ENTERTAINMENT ARTIST PROFILE

DannyP Stefana Voicu

Dan Padgett: you’ve definitely heard of him. His soccer ability and friendliness are well-known. But what makes him so unique is his music! Also known as DannyP, he creates his own rap music, collaborated with students in school on his productions, and received quite a lot of attention online. Fortunately, The Fling had the pleasure of getting to know him a little better and finding out the details about his blossoming music career: Highland Fling (HF): How did you start making music?

Dan Padgett (DP): I started by listening to old-school music and by being able to connect with the lyrics. I started at home with a microphone, recorded some songs, and put them out there. You don’t need to be some famous person to make your own music.

HF: What made you choose rap?

DP: I feel like, for me, rap is the easiest way to get everything out there – you can fit so much, lyric-wise, into one song, so I think it’s the best way to express your emotions and your thoughts. Also, I really like rap and hip hop. I’ve always been a fan, so it just worked out.

HF: My favorite song of yours is “Is This Real?” What is your favorite song that you made?

DP: Yeah, that one is definitely up there. There is a lot of stuff I haven’t put out yet, so I’m not going to bother talking about that, but I think that my favorite song that I did put out is “Feelin Like.” It has a good beat and a really cool feel to it. “Is This Real” is an emotional song, and therefore isn’t really upbeat. So yes, “Feelin Like” is probably my favorite song.

Step 4: I finalize the track. I share it with a few of people who give me feedback and help me improve it.

Step 5: After I finish a track, I put it in a compilation of tracks. I don’t release tracks by themselves – I usually put them on an album. I can’t wait for the end of March because a new album is coming out with everything I’ve been working on lately. I’m really excited!

Step 6: For the few that I really have a good feeling about, I will make a music video.

For this, I work with Aaron Gartenberg (AYOLO). The production of a song is a lot of fun, but complicated. What we do is that we blast the music at location A, and I sing the whole song, and then we switch locations quite a few times. This will take hours. Then, Aaron edits the footage and puts the best clips from each location together and finalizes it.

HF: Do you want to continue making music in college?

DP: Oh yes, definitely.

HF: Any final words?

DP: Thanks to everyone who has supported me. A year ago, I would have never thought I would have so much support and attention online. Keep supporting, and thanks to everyone who has and will keep doing so!!

HF: Do you write your own songs/compose them?

DP: Yes, I always write the lyrics, of course. I don’t create the beats though; people send them to me via email, or I talk to people who make the actual melodies.

HF: Who is your main influence?

DP: It wasn’t really one person whom I admired and thought, “They’re doing it, so I’m going to try to do it.” It was just a variety of artist – not just rap. It would take a year to name them all.

HF: Oh, so there’s no one person you strive to be like?

DP: There’s really not. From when I started, I tried to do something 100% different – that was my goal. I don’t strive to be a copy of someone else – I want my music to be me.

HF: I guess I’ve wondered about the mechanics of song production for some time now, and this is my chance to find out: How do you produce a song?

DP: So this is how it goes: Step 1: I find the actual beat, the actual music without the lyrics. I just pick the ones to which I can see a picture – I want to have a vision that I can share with people.

Step 2: I listen to it for hours and then, I try to come up with lyrics. This can take anywhere from fifteen minutes to a week.

Step 3: When I have something done, I record it in my room. That will take a few days to get perfect. I have a couple of people who help me out with ideas.

Highland Park High School Drama presents

The 25th Annual Putnam County Spelling Bee Thursday, April 18. 7 pm Friday, April 19, 7 pm Saturday, April 20, 1 pm and 7 pm Bartle Elementary School Auditorium Tickets available online at hpdrama.org or at the door. $6 for students, $12 for adults

THE HIGHLAND FLING, APRIL 2013

Highland Park High School’s very own Dan Padgett, also known as DannyP, is on the road to stardom!

Talent of All Shapes and Sizes Yang Xu

In the reorganized cafeteria filled with the aroma of pizza and cake, March’s community talent show, hosted by Harry Landis, was nothing short of what you would expect from our talent-filled school. Boasting original bands such as Hattrick and Whale of Karma, familiar groups such as Amandala and Acappella Anonymous, and talented individuals, the talent show contained a plethora amount of acts to enjoy.

It’s amazing to know that through Riley Ernest’s amusing banjo playing and Atticus Finch Jr.’s cover songs, we also raised donations and collected canned goods for the Highland Park Food Pantry. Perhaps the greatest aspect of the show was the variety of music these performers had to offer. From Amandala’s Bulgarian classic “Bre Petrunko” to Ana Miletic’s original rendition of Bruno Mars’ “Grenade” to the Whale of Karma’s jazz improvisation, there was something for everyone.

But amidst these endowed musicians, Botond Szabo stole the show. Dressed in a plaid collared shirt and grey jeans, Botond and his electric guitar solo energized the crowd and wowed us with something completely unexpected, setting the bar quite high as only the second show of the evening. However, Whale of Karma also had an impressive performance as Highland Park alumni Patrick Thieringer and freshman Luke Schroeder combined their musical talents to create unparalleled solos. The two featured soloists represent the past and new stars of the Highland Park Jazz Band and the passing of the band spotlight. At the end of the night, with the performers exhausted and audience satisfied, they could finally return home with the memorable performances of “Pata Pata,” “Something’s Gotta Hold on Me,” and many more humming in their heads.

15

ARTS & ENTERTAINMENT Aaron’s Party Zoë Temple

Flashback to the early 2000s: teens were in belly shirts and flared jeans, blasting “I Want Candy” out of their boom boxes. What happened to those days?

Where have they gone?

Well, at least Aaron Carter has returned. I saw him live at the Stone Pony in Asbury Park on Thursday, March 7. And it was everything my tween girl self hoped it would be, and maybe a little more.

Aaron Carter rocked the stage, the “Prince of Pop” personified. Just imagine an egotistical, aged pop sensation, and you practically attended the concert. After the last opening act (there were six!), Aaron waited half an hour before making his grand entrance. The scantily clad and increasingly intoxicated crowd became more and more restless, until the lights dimmed and the music began. The show featured three different outfits, two backup dancers (from America’s Best Dance Crew, nonetheless), a DJ, and three large American flags. Each song included its own perfectly timed choreography; between songs, the DJ played hip-hop tunes while Aaron showed off his dancing skills, including several back-flips and certain

moves that my ten-year-old self would have been shocked to see. During his ballad “All About You,” he disappeared from the stage to make a quick change while his two dancers and DJ picked a few girls from the audience and sat them on stools. Aaron returned, dressed all in white, and sang to each girl. The last girl, obviously the most attractive, received extra attention and even scored a few kisses.

At one point, he even leaned out over the audience and shared a passionate kiss with a girl sitting on someone else’s shoulders.

His performance in itself wasn’t bad; it was actually quite worth the hour trek both ways and the long wait through six opening acts. He sang all the songs of my childhood - even in the same octave. Additionally, he debuted a new song called “City Lights,” which you’ll definitely hear on the radio in the coming months. While not the best concert I’ve ever attended, it definitely ranks as one of the most fun; the whole crowd bounced around and sang along. Aaron also sang and danced tirelessly, and managed to retain an audience of screaming fans ten years after his big break. But for the record, he and Shaq had a rematch – and Aaron, sadly, did not win.

Above (left to right): Aaron Carter singing “All About You” to one lucky, starstruck audience member; King Carter taking his final bow at the end of the show.

“You Just Tell Me What You Want, and I’m Going to Be That For You” Rucha Phadtare & Charlotte Finegold

Hollywood is a world of scraped and polished beauty, yet the cream of the crop is neither. The man most counted on to make women swoon is Ryan Gosling, whose eyes are too close together, whose chin juts out, and whose smiles are crooked. As put by the blogger A Veblenesque Gorge, “Ryan Gosling is the first actor in many years to sit in line for the unequivocal Adonis status that has previously fallen to the likes of Tom Cruise, Brad Pitt, [and] George Clooney.” Most of the world, including Highland Park High School, concurs that Gosling’s ascent into the realm of ultimate celebrity status began with The Notebook, the go-to chick flick for most of our generation. Seniors Angelo Odato and Quatay Nesmith agree, “Yeah, I think The Notebook played a big role. A lot of girls fell in love with the movie so they fell in love with him.” Yet for those of us who prefer him in other films, there must be more to his success than this film adaptation of Nicolas Sparks’s cliché and stodgy novel.

Let’s begin with his face. As our blogging authority points out, “He’s not conventionally handsome, by movie-star standards. Gosling’s eyes are kind of too small, his chin too prominent, and the left side of his face seems more prone to the pull of gravity than the right. But the quirky asymmetrical looks work in

his favor, tricking each woman individually into thinking she is the only one who loves him for his flaws, not his perfection.” HPHS students, male and female, tend to agree. Says senior Anna Nedashivka, “He’s not like the typical

funny and charming!” Sophomore Sophie Gillerman summed it up well, “I like his little beard and his eyes. His eyes are too close together, but imperfections make perfection.” Perhaps it is the fantasy of a flawed, broken man that comes with his

Above: senior Boning Zhao looks on confused as the girls of HPHS, and the world, fall in love with Ryan Gosling’s charm.

guy that girls like, and I think something about that is attractive. It works for him.”

Senior Jessica Reyes agrees, and adds, “He’s alluring when he talks, and he’s just

kind of appearance, a man who “needs fixing, not so much that he can’t take care of you, [but enough that] you get to take care of him back,” as Gorge speculates.

His visual flaws attest to his humanity, his connectability, the dream that only you can understand him. Actors like Brad Pitt and Ryan Reynolds do not carry the same appeal because they are too chiseled and too superficial.

His body adds another layer to his attractiveness. Whenever Jon Stewart wants to regain his audience’s attention on The Daily Show, a certain picture of Gosling pops up, giving most women in the audience chills. Carly Aversa commented on this side of his hotness: “His body makes up for any imperfections.”

Luckily, the students of HPHS and the world at large are not as superficial as they would be if they liked him merely for his looks; Nedashivska again, “He’s versatile: he plays all his roles really well—Crazy Stupid Love is my favorite.” Another student, who wished to conceal their identity with the name Lucinda von Swag, noted, “He’s handsome and he can act. That’s a plus. If I’m looking for a man, I want him to be multitalented. He’s got to be one-ofa-kind.”

The Age of Gosling has begun in Hollywood and in the minds of many women. With his charming smirk, dreamy blue eyes, impressive physique, and acting talent to boot, Ryan Gosling settles snugly into his role as the new face of romance.

These are the best days of your life!

Don’t forget them!

Buy an HPHS 2012-2013 Albadome now!

See Ms. Marionni for payment plans.

APRIL 2013, THE HIGHLAND FLING

16

SPORTS It’s Still the New Year!

Get in Shape!

PLAYER PROFILE

Annie McCrone

Have you kept up your New Year’s resolution of getting in shape? It’s only March! It’s not too late to start now and complete your resolution. Many students want to better themselves physically; they want to ‘be fit.’ Everyone has their reasons, whether for a sport or your esteem.

However, students tend to run into some problems. They do not know how often to exercise or what types of exercises to do, what to eat, and how to stay motivated.

To solve the issue of how often to exercise, I received some perspective from two of our very own coaches: Ruck and Nobles.

They both agreed on exercising for an hour. Ruck commented, “It’s so cliché but so good.” Ruck advised exercising every day, while Nobles said 3-5 days oer week. Still, both are frequent. The trouble a majority of teens seem to have is how to fill this hour. Nobles said that they “can choose from a variety of activities to stay in shape, whether it’s running, lifting, or participating in a sport.” Ruck also mentioned jump rope. Many think that this hour has to be filled with some crazy intense workout, and while those are encouraged, staying active is really the key. As Ruck explains, it’s “an hour a day of putting the video game down and going out to play.”

Food. Everybody who is serious about getting in shape stresses over their diet. How necessary is it really to obsess over every item of your meal?

We all know that it’s important to eat healthy, but what does that really mean? After all, experts say that obsessing over your diet is unhealthy. Instead, be aware of the healthy food possibilities, and try to take advantage of those options as often as possible. Two things to keep in mind: smaller portions and wholesome foods. “Smaller portions” is self-explanatory; giving yourself less food means you’re more likely to eat less.

But what are wholesome foods?

Basically, they are anything made of simple ingredients. Both Nobles and Ruck mentioned that you only have one body and you need to take care of it.

After some amount of time of working out, you will hit a brick wall. You will feel like giving up, or you’ll feel like you will never achieve your goal. When this is the case, how do you stay motivated?

How do you push through? Some athletic girls in our school say that when they’re working out they think about how much better they’re going to be because of what they’re doing. You need to find that place in the future where you have achieved your goal without forgetting that you need to work now in order to get there.

What are you waiting for?

It’s only March. Everyone gives up their New Year’s Resolution quickly, or life gets in the way and those goals are forgotten. Well, here’s your reminder. With this, there’s no excuse. Get out there and just do it.

3 Ways to Get Fit Without Even Trying

1. Drink lots and lots of water! A study at the University of

Utah found that participants drinking eight to twelve glasses of water burn more calories when at rest than those who drank only four. Why? Water will keep your metabolism working even when you aren’t!

Freshman Renee Delameter competes (and wins!) in horseback riding competitions

Name: Renee Delameter Grade: 9 Sport: Horseback Riding Jacob Choi

Although there are many extracurricular activities in our school, students also participate in many different activities outside the school, such as fencing or swimming.

One unique activity that a Highland Parker participates in is horseback riding. Renee Delamater, a freshman, has been horseback riding since she was only six years old.

Her eventual love for both horses and the sport overall ignited when she first saw her kindergarten teacher riding a horse. Little did she know this passion would continue on for many years. We interviewed her to delve deeper at Renee’s experiences over the years.

2. Exercise first thing in the morning. It helps beat those early

Highland Fling (HF): Do you go to any competitions or challenges?

3. Keep moving! Five minutes of jumping jacks, push-ups, and

Renee Delameter (RD): I go to competitions and compete in different divisions like jumping, flat work, and dressage, where you make the horse to do certain tricks such as steps or circles.

morning blues, and studies published in the journal Medicine and Science in Sports and Exercise show that morning exercise will ensure better behavior the rest of the day. sit-ups burns 45 calories. A 20 minute power walk to or from school can burn 97! Make any activity or free time into a few minutes of exercise.

Editors

Chief: Oscar Lee News: Sarah Cheng Feature: Jana Choi Opinion: Maddie Hehir Sports: Olivia Draper A&E: Elena Weissmann Layout: Zoe Temple Advisor Brett Roche Photographers Zoe Temple, Jacob Choi, Miranda Safir, Tia Wangli, Amita Shukla THE HIGHLAND FLING, APRIL 2013

The Highland Fling Staff

HF: How do you compete in horseback riding? If any, what are the prizes?

RD: At different competitions, you go to the areas where they take place and you choose the event you would like to compete in, such as jumping or dressage. You are either with a group of riders or alone in the arena, and judges will judge you on your posture and energy towards the horse.

Based on their reviews, you can win different places. Some prizes you can win are ribbons or trophies. Ribbons have different colors for different places: Blue – first, red – second, and yellow – third and so on.

An example of competitions is dressage, as mentioned before, in which you do certain maneuvers on the horse. This can range from leading your horse in a twenty-meter circle at a certain location, or backing up them four steps.

There is also jumping, where you jump over different obstacles in a certain pattern and get graded on how well you do those tricks. I have won some

ribbons and trophies from these competitions.

HF: Do you have a horse you always ride on? How long does it take you to control a horse?

RD: I usually go on the same horse. If it is different, I take certain amount of time to control the horse, depending on the one I am riding. In order to control the horse, you have to be comfortable riding on it. It takes as much time to control as it takes you to be comfortable with it.

HF: Is horseback riding just a hobby or are you planning to do something with it in the future?

RD: If I can become good enough in the future, sure, I would be interested in sticking with it. I would like to go on more competitions in different levels. I hope to do something with it later on. But there are times when I just think of it as a hobby.

Staff Writers Boning Zhao, Yang Xu, Grace Chong, Gregory Burdea, Tia Wangli, Amita Shukla, Andrea Boffice, Eli Liebell-McLean, Shana Oshinskie, Jake Callahan, Maverick Lin, Annie McCrone

Questions? Comments? Concerns? Contact thehighlandfling@gmail.com Write, draw, and take pictures for The Highland Fling!

Come to our next meeting!