The Hillside Echo Mirage (Literary Folio) - 2021 by The Hillside Echo

MIRAGE MIRAGE is the Literary Folio of The Hillside Echo, The Official Student Publication of Filamer Christian University. Copyright © 2021 All rights reserved. No part of this folio may be reproduced without written permission from the publication. Cover Art DANIELA HILLARY MELECIO 2

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FOREWORD

nce, we walked on an untamed world, where there was always a room for us to maneuver; where we could freely walk the Earth, and draw breath without a piece of material on our faces, overlaying our smiles. The things we dearly loved to do without reserve, things we hardly appreciate, are now seemingly but left behind the face of the past—unsung like a hero. And as the arms of the clock swiftly twiddled from number to number, the world once laid flat on the surface, turned upside down, and for a moment, it froze. And so in a blink of an eye, everything changed. This is an undertaking, stuck in betwixt and between, painting a surreal haze of the world as if our grounds were left unguarded. A trancelike state that lies before our eyes but our eyes are shut half-blinded; as if the reality beholds a ruin we cannot make head nor tail of rebuilding; where faith and hope almost slip through our fingers. Come what may, but what war occurs in the present that outmanned the past shall not be handed a conceded victory; what is unreachable at present, shall not deny hope for the future to have. For as much as the doom displayed in the face of the present, beholds much more reasons to hold on to; reasons to not surrender in the midst of difficulty and threat, reasons to keep going, and reasons that could break the static state of limbo. As a head start to topple the reign of this pandemic, is to hold a grip of hope and faith; the forces that restore faith in humanity, the ones that remind us to think of the people whom we dedicate our lives to, and for those who pin their hopes on us. It is love that holds the broken parts of the present together in these trying times. Never lose sight of the pilot of faith and hope; the one that binds them together to give courage the means to grow and foster in the presence of fear, hopelessness and so as death. Grasp firmly to the strongest force the world enfolds—love.

VANESSA GLENISE USISON Associate Editor

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CONTENTS CHAPTER 1: THE UNTAMED WORLD The Untamed World The Waking You Are We Do Mahaba Ang Gabi Fine Wine tastes better than men Coffee Shop Sadness Sunsets With You Pre-pandemic Love: Not a Love Story Paghinugyaw Balik-tanaw Himig ng Kahapon Pagbabalik-tanaw sa mga Alaala Unang Bahagi Saranggola Alpas Acts Counting the Corners Biyahe Fortune Teller Have It Your Way Pleasure Gossips The Neighborhood

1-2 4 5 7 7 8 9-10 11 14 16 17 17 19 21 21 22 23 26 27 29 30 30 31 33-34

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CHAPTER 2: THE UPSIDE DOWN The Upside Down July Tagu-Taguan Begone Days Gone By Paglaho Misadventures Blue Playlist Tactless I Wish You Would Neglected Riven Wishful Thinking Hardly a Romance Pikit, Kapit The Trap Tipa Never Would be the Same Aguhon NGC F42 Silent Battle Desperate Plea Possessions (Atonement Part 2) Kailan Pa?

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35-36 38 39-40 41 41 43 43 46 47 47 49 49 50 51 54 55 57 59-60 61 63 64 64 66 68

Border Control Wars OnlyFans Social Club Paslit Ipagpatawad Mo Manibela at Gulong Ayuda Worn Out Faces Balangkas What Covers Conceal Kaakibat ng Pagkawala ay Pagdurusa Family Tree Koronang Corona Kanlungan Ang Sisidlan Villains The Hospital A Blind War

69 71 73 75 77 79-80 82 83 86 87 88 90 91 93-94 95 97-98 99 101 104

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CHAPTER 3: LOVE Love Agos To Those Who Listened Still you You Enchanting Half-asleep The Slope Ikaw, Ako at Mundong Nagbabago My Seraph Music on the Peak of Fall Love Knows No Distance Unsaid Devotion Borrowers Stimulant Deep Rest Hakbang Pasulong Analog We Have Travelled Far Miles Away Sa Susunod na Kabanata Stand Still Hintay Irog Kong Bayan Umasa Sinimulan ni Patreng This Too Shall Pass All at Once Panalangin Ipagkatiwala It is okay not to be okay Philautia Mountainous

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105-106 108 110 111 111 113 113 116 117 119 121-122 123 123 126 127 128 128 129 131-132 133 136 137-138 139 140 141 142 143 146 147 147 150 152 153-154

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When armed with FAITH and grounded with HOPE, LOVE has the power to hush a raging plague. —Rio

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CHAPTER I

THE UNTAMED WORLD

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efore the serpent tempted Eve in eating the forbidden fruit and before the fall of man, Adam and Eve lived in an earthly paradise filled with serenity and innocence. The first couple was reaping the fruits of Earth effortlessly and not even ashamed of being naked. Just like before the attack of an invisible perpetrator with a queer-structured crown, the world was purportedly in its humdrum ambience. Crowded streets where needles won’t even fit. A hustle and bustle of the good and free city life. Reserved spot in a café which serves creamy latte and Italian pasta. Depressing business casual clothes under duress for work. Knee-jerk socialization that did not involve social distancing. Everything appeared flawless and perfect. Fear was being brushed aside since there was nothing to be afraid of. No signs of fret and panic. The entirety assumed that all things were under their control which led them to become conceited and complacent. No one saw it coming—a universally malignant threat and an immense change lies ahead.

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The Waking Odd was the New Year, Having a fine gray blanket; The crowd went to the outskirts, Escaping the remains of fire, Before the days give out. The free is sometimes oblivious— We close our eyes to the flare. All pass to become strays, Till we are forced to become heroes; Our facades will no longer serve, The trouble of heavy sleepers —Komorebi

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You Are Just like the spring, You are sweet and refreshing. Just like the trees, You are firm and growing. Just like the spring breeze, You are comforting and warm, You are smart and intriguing, You never fail to humor me! Just like the flowers in the meadow, You are full of colors and personality, You are diverse and an open field, And I fancy flowers and spring! —Cyd

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We Do We always hug, kiss, and wave, To show love, kindness, and to pay respect; Making gestures to make others feel, What we want for them to reflect. We hold and shake each other’s hands, For comfort and ease, in ‘how are you’s and hi’s; All driven by love for everyone to understand, That even the slightest touch, Could mean more than words could imply. —Sunburst Autumn

Mahaba Ang Gabi Halika’t umupo sa aking tabi, Ibulong mo sa mga alon ang iyong himig; Isigaw mo ang lahat ng iyong hinanakit, At iiyak ang mga nararamdamang sakit. Mahaba pa ang gabi, Ilabas mo lang lahat ng sama ng loob; Wag kang mag-alala, Kahit abutan pa tayo ng sikat ng araw, Nandito lang ako sa iyong tabi, nakikinig. —Rio

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Fine Wine tastes better than men all of them were my favorite wine but none of them became fine as the summer kissed winter goodbye— so sweet, so bitter. the bottles were fancy, though, but the flavors were all hollow— they deserve the solid ground more than a thirsty throat. —Lugia

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Coffee Shop Sadness Lugia I remember my old friend telling me that we all undergo phases of emotional disorientation. There are times where we become so happy and jovial we think we've landed on Cloud 9. Minutes after, a gush of inexplicable sadness covers us in ways we cannot surmise. It's a feeling of unwanted loneliness that keeps the mind questioning the transition of emotions. I also remember my bestfriend saying our emotions are like scales—it doesn't feel right if the other side's too much. There must be a certain sense of balance—a psycho-chemical equilibrium if that makes sense. It's like a push and pull of energy, an interaction of two opposite forces seeking for harmony by compromising each other. I really don’t know the reasons but there are indeed times when too much sadness eventually leads to a split-second laughter as too much happiness leads to a split-second melancholy. My bestfriend says it's for the emotions to keep the scale in symmetry, to embrace the optimum, and to find the balance it longs for.

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But hey, I am sitting here in our usual spot at the coffee shop where we used to talk about everything—your cheap cologne, LGBT rights, the latest releases on Netflix, climate change, or the fact that I can’t memorize the pictures and patterns of stars in the cosmos and the particular constellations they constitute. The thing now is I'm sitting alone, staring at the Caramel Macha Frappe you used to order. It's been days since this wave of sadness has engulfed and dragged me into a whirlpool of melancholy. And I've been looking for something to hold on to and to pull me out of this catastrophe. I can't seem to balance my Libra scales. I can't seem to find the happiness your magnets attracted when you left me. We were light rays of the same wavelength, until you disappeared, taking with you all the laws of natural sciences that kept me functioning. I drown in melancholia everyday until I woke up in a mysterious void I can't escape. The void—where no happiness and no sadness exist. I stare at your favorite drink feeling hollow and empty. The void must have drained what is left of me. I don't know if I'm feeling lazy or restless or nothing at all. It's all empty and hollow. No forces. No compromises. No balance—because there is nothing to balance. You must be the energy I need to spark up again. But I'm too tired to think about it. Too cold to feel anything. Too numb to be hurt again. Too hollow to love again. So I sit here, alone, exhausted with staring at your favorite drink. I grabbed the Grande and took a sip of the tasteless colloid to quench my thirst and somehow, remember that electric feeling I used to synergize with you.

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Sunsets With You How I terribly miss the afternoons by the beach The thought of You and I still exist. But how could I ever forget this view? When all I can remember Are sunsets with you. —Rio

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Pre-pandemic Love: Not a Love Story I was your choice, your priority, You never let me be unattended and empty, I'm the one making you stressed but often happy. Though I'm difficult and will never be easy, I do miss your tears, laugh, and nagging; You almost surrendered because of the pain, And sometimes you felt useless but that was not my intention, I want to see you succeed, give you satisfaction. Forgive me, if I'm too much and abusive, But I secured your future and dreams you wanted to achieve. And because of this pandemic, you abandoned me; I was your choice, I was your priority, This is the point of view of a broken study. —Glynx Clef

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Paghinugyaw Muni nga mga tinion, Gakalabit na ang mga banderitas Ano man kainit sang adlaw, Basta galagubo ang drum, Sige lang, importante naga arriba! Pinakadto pakari bisan diin-diin, Ang kalag indi mahipusan, Wala kabatyag sing kakapoy, Importante nasadyahan ang kalimutaw. Pagkatapos sang mga inadlaw, Masubo, kay natapos na ang paghinugyaw. Pero sige lang, mahulat-hulat naman kita, Kay sigurado sa sunod nga bulan liwat magakinasadya. —Rio

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Balik-tanaw Sabay-sabay tayong pumikit, Sa ingay ng katahimikan, Sa magulong isipan, Isandal ang likuran, Ating sasariwain, Ang kahapong nagdaan. Bulungan, tilian, hagikgikan, Laman sa bawat usapan, Istoryang walang simula’t hangganan, Pulot mula sa samu't saring pinagdaanan, Saksi ang kantina, silid, at saan mang sulok ng paaralan. Kwentong katatakutan, Sa Room X, bago magsiuwian, Dahan-dahang tatahakin, Hanggang hindi maabutan, Ng iyong kasamahan ‘pagkat iyo nang tinakbuhan. —Annie

Himig ng Kahapon Inaya ng barkada at tuluyang lumakad, Tumungo sa lugar, ‘di alam kung saan mapapadpad, Kamera’y puno ng masasayang litrato, Walang bakas ng lungkot ang mga mukhang maamo Iskedyul ko’y punong-puno, Ng trabaho at lakwatsang walang hinto, Pag-indak sa musika’y hindi patatalo— Walang kasing tamis ang himig ng kahapon —Dear, Cassia

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Pagbabalik-tanaw sa mga Alaala Bago pa tayo nakulong sa kaniya-kaniyang selda nang tuluyan, May mga bulkang nagsiputukan, mga bansang nagbantaan, At mga taong humarap na kay kamatayan. Ito pala'y mga pahiwatig na isang panibagong libro ang kailangang buksan, Librong naglalaman ng mga pangyayaring susukat sa ating katatagan. Ngunit bago ang lahat ng iyan, May mga alaalang kailanma'y di mawawala sa ating isipan. Mga estudyanteng nagbibigay buhay sa paaralan, Manggagawang masusulyapan kahit na saan, Matatagpuan sa bawat sulok ang mga magkakaibigan at magkasintahan, Maging ang mga batang 'di nakaramdam ng pagod sa pook-palaruan. Sino ba naman sa atin ang hindi nais balikan ang nakaraan? Ang karaniwang buhay na ating nakagisnan, Hindi tulad ngayon, bawat isa’y mabigat ang pasan, Nakakalungkot, hindi ito ang ating nakasanayan. —Glynx Clef

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Unang Bahagi Paligid ay tahimik, mapayapa. Hangin ay dalisay, presko’t sariwa. Ibo’y nangagsisikanta, Puno’y nag-iindakan. Banayad ang lahat, Tila walang panganib na nagbabadya. —Uriah

Saranggola Sumasayaw sa himpapawid, Sumasabay sa ihip ng hangin; Mataas at matulin na paglipad, Kapantay ng mga nagliliparang panalangin. Mga tali ay maluwag na hinahawakan, Saranggola’y malayang nakagagalaw; Mistulang kalaro ng mga ibon sa kalawakan, Sa isip ng bawat bata’y laruang salipawpaw. Makulay, naglalakihan, lubos makamangha, Mapatanghali man o hapon ay babalikan; Saranggola’y pagpapakahulugan kung paano kinatha— At sa ating matatanda, ito’y kalayaang tanaw sa kalangitan. —Sunburst Autumn

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Alpas Nagniningas kahit walang apoy, Sa paningin ay nagiging ginto, Sa katotohana’y nabibigo. Nakabibighani ang huwad na kalayaan, Ang sayang nakasalalay sa anuman, Inaanod ng daluyong at ulan. Ang ngayo’y walang alaala— Dumaraan nang walang guhit o bakas, Walang maisusumbat sa oras. Mapanlinlang ang mga ingay, Inangkin na ng mga hiling, Namamatay nang palihim. —Komorebi

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Acts Why can’t I remember? Maybe I wasn’t really there. How would I ever know? I didn’t get a ticket for that show. Photographs disagree with memories— Vain attempts for good stories. There is nothing that I can proudly tell, I wish I lived those years well. It was strange to be so far from what is true, My spectator heart was broken too, Maybe my role didn’t leap over fear, That this regret brought me here. —Komorebi

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Counting the Corners One, two, three, and four— I just stepped foot inside the door; Smiling, waving—hi, hello! Passed are the papers, row by row. One, two, three, and four— Well, I got the highest score! Surely it’s the best part, Putting education in high regard. One, two, three, and four— This place is spellbindingly adorned! Lessons posted left and right, The best place to share, learn and write. —Sunburst Autumn

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Biyahe Dama ang sariling tila nasa pelikula, Tulalang minamasdan ang patak ng ulan, Walang pakialam sa katabi, Tatluhan man o siksikan. Suot ang dyaket, panlaban sa lamig, Samahan pa ng musikang sumasabay sa makulimlim na paligid, Punuan na’t aalis, Tatahakin ang landas, Pauwi sa pamilyang kinasasabikan. —Annie

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Fortune Teller Early hours of fretting, Everyday is a drama I detest. Swarms are agonizing— Viewers gaping on a glass, Eyeing on my aloof face, I get lost in the continuous hum, That was my request for home. It wasn’t loneliness, Solitude was my savior, My not so harmless wish— To find it like a book, Not to see the lanes unoccupied, Yet there is a future I can’t defy. —Komorebi

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Have It Your Way We freely touch whatever, Our eyes couldn’t resist; We go to places whenever, We wish to visit places on the list. Nothing could hold us back, From doing things we love; For the foot that longs to step on the track, Would push towards the wants and haves. —Sunburst Autumn

Pleasure Draining days seem unending, Vague notion keeps on knocking, Piled up reports, unfinished tasks, Deadlines are running so fast, A pause from an exhausting routine, Calling friends to intervene, Laughter—the sweetest melodies, Smiling faces—the best scenery, Episodes of leisure, Moments to remember. —Annie

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Gossips Rumors are ablaze without thunder, One could strangle another; With a smoked truth, One could easily choke. An irritating luxury, A dish out of a story— Countless biographies, There are reasons for our wrongs. But gossips have no heart, To believe, becomes a crime, And the truth runs dry. —Komorebi

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The Neighborhood Here comes the light the sunshine brings, As the sun would toss itself up high, Roosters would then flap their wings, Quickly echoes the roosters’ cry. Blankets get folded, Beds get fixed, Kettles then whistle, And eggs cracked on the bowl get whisked. Sooner, the empty silent street, Will turn its volume loud. Rowdy radios, loud exhaust pipe; Beeping jeepneys come with a rushing crowd. Some walking on the curb, With dogs on leash, Mothers share ‘bout plants and herbs, As children get dropped, Or cycle to school as they please.

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Nothing is as spirited, As the market vibe; Hues of colors, sorts of sound, Are set before your ears and eyes. Hear the vendors then compete, Telling which is fresh and not; The one that buys then could outhear, Grapevines—they gossip a lot. Preachers as well, speak God’s love, As children pass beside; Chasing after the other, Running along with a stick, Striking the rubber tire. All these are zests to life, Things that give spices to our existence, Things that make us more alive; To get up each day, to live once more this life. —Sunburst Autumn

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CHAPTER 2

THE UPSIDE DOWN

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he unparalleled arrival of this age’s nemesis attests that fear and pain could also bear copies of themselves within unfortunate hosts. Bad things have come to build the bars of our hope’s cage. Regrets are now hopeless because no past will patiently wait for us. In those well-lit rooms, to the one who is waiting with his labored breathing, the lights are crying witnesses to their plead. Some did not get to hear goodbyes so lamentations live on in many hearts. Everyone wants to end this suffering. We were walking in the mercy of a new day devoid of our intentions. We were used to having what was left of our time, but to have all the seconds to ourselves also terrified our minds. Even the windows are ajar, sunken eyes could find no muse to comfort our hearts. After years of being sunk in a hurried life, solitude became worrisome. We were held captive within walls that were once comfortable. It was too difficult to tame the sorrows that come in waves as they never reach the shore to give us peace. Tormenting are the dreams and needs that lie unfulfilled. The stale taste of uncertainty oppresses the spirit and deepens our hunger. Mundane rituals kept us awake but to feel alive despite the destitution, cheap tricks aren’t enough. Our eyes are no longer glued to the clock but we still go to sleep empty-handed. We could no longer find our traces in the street. The paths to gregarious corners have gone missing. We can only hear the chattering and the singing from afar—from memory or the glowing screen. The world turned into a blank page where we could only write with fear. So we shaped a world that can fit into our homes and of which our freedom permits. Our strengths have also come to fight both the visible and obscured enemies that threaten our lives and rights. The world we dominated before, in which we barely noticed the slow yet cruel passage of chances and time, was not eternal. We now stand in a world where there is an unfamiliar absence of latitudes while there is an affluence of lonely spaces. We still inhabit the land of the untamed world but we now live life in a parallel universe that is opposed to what we dreamed and hoped.

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July Clean white walls and fading breath— Still yet inaudible, Hope is as light as air, A heart’s beating will never be heard again. A day walks towards eternity, There is nothing in the dusked horizon, Love was realized in late spring, You perished before dawn. Pain at death’s door, A child could forgive but still fail. I kept your wishes in my weary heart, But I never got to say goodbye. —Komorebi

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Tagu-Taguan Sunburst Autumn

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Nakasandal sa puno ng kahoy, Nagbibilang hanggang sampu. Sa tabi ng ilog na dumadaloy, Sa aking kamay, may paru-parong dumapo. Malinaw pa sa aking alaala, Bakas pa ang tuwa sa ating mga mata, Humakbang ako nang humakbang, Hanap-hanap kayo, ‘pagkat ako ang taya. Malawak, maganda, at makulay, Malayang nakatatakbo’t naghahabulan, Hangi’y humahalik sa ‘ting mga pisngi, Mga balat nati’y naaarawan. Nakaupo sa paanan ng higaan, Tanaw ang paligid mula sa silid. Ito’y mga alaala ng ating kabataan, Kung saan ako’y nangungulila ng higit. Dati’y pambata ang larong tagu-taguan, Ngayo’y isinasabuhay na ng sangkatauhan, Pagkakataong sinubok ng kapalaran, Pangyayaring hindi natin napaghandaan. Katotohana’y isa pa lang palaro, Hango sa larong pambata; Sa loob tao’y nakatago, At sa larong ito—mundo ang taya.

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Begone Every passing hour, Meant as though they were none; Little did I know, When hours in days came counted, How far memories had gone. —Sunburst Autumn

Days Gone By Yesterday, yesterday, I could not help but sigh; Rowing on the ocean deep, In the corners of my eye. Yesterday, yesterday, Oh, my heart dearly cries! I couldn’t see where you’re going, When can opacity be pierced by light? Yesterday, yesterday, Why did you have to say goodbye? When we shared all the great memories, Now left but tears in my eyes. Yesterday, yesterday, Why did time swiftly fly? It was just like yesterday— When the sun last decided to rise. —Sunburst Autumn

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Paglaho Nakaupo, inulit-ulit ko, Masasayang tagpo ng buhay ko, ‘Di takot sa sasakyang pampubliko, Uuwi ng tahanan, ramdam na ligtas ang aking mundo. Mga batang walang alam sa mundo, Habulan, taguan, patintero’y nilalaro, Bakit ganito? Bakit biglang nagbago? Nakaraan ko’y tila naglaho nang husto. —Dear, Cassia

Misadventures Fond hopes for the fleeting— Believe in everything but them; There is no doubt in their passing, For we are drowned in the shallows; From memory, we only remember a few. There was no remorse—just now, But some things won’t come again. At the end of these strings, Our sorrows rest; The present is not here to stay, Where should we begin again? —Komorebi

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Blue Playlist The stars lean down to kiss you, I'll watch the night sky thinking of you, I'll doze off safely and soundly, But I feel so alone. The spaces between my fingers, Where yours fit perfectly, Drowned by the nostalgia of your embrace, Oh Darling, I wish you were here. This emptiness, this loneliness, This longing, love, and adoration, Were written in this simple poem, Hear me my love, for I wish you were here. —Cyd

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Tactless I’m craving for comfort, but I garnered resentment. I’m beseeching for encouragement, but I found rebuking and sarcasm. I’m longing for compassion, but ended up decrying. I’m sowing seeds of love and sincerity, but I reaped hatred and apathy. How could the world be so ruthless? For slaying my soul pitilessly, When I only want to savor joy and felicity, Instead, I tasted overwhelming bitterness and misery. —Uriah

I Wish You Would I am not that good at expressing how I feel so I tend to express how I feel through music— blasting it out for you to hear. Every song that I play is a product of my feelings—all the pain, sadness, and misery you’ve caused me. Don’t try to cover your ears or skip the song, I urge you to listen; feel the wonder and mystery of the lyrics as they encapsulate a thousand feelings that have been inside of me. Just listen and you’ll understand. —Rio

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Neglected I do understand, I have never been good enough for you; I’m just this annoying freak— A distraction. Focus on the things You are so passionate about, Just don’t think of me, I do understand. —Rio

Riven Cupid pierced our hearts with an arrow, But you backfired, you left me in sorrow; Never and ever crossed in my mind, That your affection will halt, will fade away. Pain lingers still—I couldn’t bear Nights and days never felt the same; With a vague smile, I started to walk away, “It's my fault that I became too complacent.” —Uriah

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Wishful Thinking You are the first person I think about when I wake up; And the last person I think about before I go to sleep; But do you ever Think about me the way I think about you? —Rio

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Hardly a Romance Would it be a sin, If I tell you that I love you? Would it be hard, If I start to care for you genuinely? Would it be the end, Of this hardly called romance? If I'm starting to miss your presence? If I find comfort in your embrace? This warm feeling in my chest, Unfamiliar but welcome. This thumping joy in my heart, This excitement is driving me mad. Let me hear your voice, Let me hear your whispers, For every wind that blows, You said it was a kiss from you. Tell me if this is over, Tell me if we reached the end, Don't let me wait until dusk, For this fool will stay until sunrise. —Cyd

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Pikit, Kapit Hello, Ma’am/Sir? Naririnig po ba ko? Kailangan pa bang umakyat ng puno? Ano ba? Wala pa rin bang signal? Usad-pagong pa rin at kay bagal, Pigil ang luhang nakakasakal, Kaalamang tinatalakay, paano ba makasasabay? Hintay…tamang akyat sa bundok na nakakahingal, Sa maingay na kalyeng nakatambay habang sarili’y isinusugal, Sa gitna ng tirik na araw at bumubuhos na ulan, Mairaos lang ang isang araw na babad sa teknolohiyang Nakakapagod sa mata at likuran. Naririnig pa ba ko? Class dismissed. —Annie

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The Trap The fields appear boundless, One shall wish the same for the harvest; For there are no fortunes, A child must learn and pray. The schoolyard is haunted by laughter, As freedom went last summer— Who is mightier? The pen isn’t moved by the same hunger. There’s a new lifeblood for the future, The villagers had to go without, The harbinger had never set foot, A generation was trapped in the drought. —Komorebi

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Tipa Annie Space. Backspace. Refresh Isang nasa kalagitnaan, isang nasa ibabaw bago ang off button. Katatapos lang ng walang tigil na pagtipa, paibabaw sa mga letrang binubuo ng utak na kanina pa gustong tapusin ang tambak na gawain. Sabay sulyap sa kani-kanina pang tumutunog na orasan habang tila karerang nagsisiunahang tumapak ng alas-kuwatro. Langhap ang nakabukas at wala ng laman na pakete ng 3-in-1, nagbabadyang dagdagan. Tigil. Sabay liyad ng likod at pag-angat ng ulo. Pikit. Pahinga ng isang segundo. Balik. Ulit. Space. Tipa. Backspace. Mali ulit. Binuksan ang kasangga, naghanap ng pwedeng maging sagot, iuugnay sa mga nabuong pangungusap. Tapos. Save. Nagbukas ng panibago. Siniyasat ang pahina at bilang. Huminga nang malalim. Nag-uunahang nagbagsakan ang kani-kanina pang pinipigilang mga luha. Papahiran at magpapatuloy. Refresh. Sent. Sa wakas. Dinig ko na rin ang pagtilaok ng manok mula sa kapitbahay naming si Aling Marites.

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Never Would be the Same I miss seeing their faces, As I call on their names, I just reckoned now it seems different— Never would be the same. From students to computers, The thing I now face real quick, I wish this hasn’t happened sooner, As the majority couldn’t cope—it inflicts. Some took this new setup seriously, Some took it a bit further less, Some have access to gadgets, but unfortunately, For some, this is a total mess.

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My students, in number, started to diminish, Leaving school, one by one, Some do struggle to finish, Since life made them stumble on the run. Some remained privileged, Some struggled even more, Some just don’t have the advantage, The demands to education— They just couldn’t afford. I miss seeing your faces, As I call on your names, I miss productive discussions, When all of you would participate But now, it would never, never be the same. —Sunburst Autumn

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Aguhon Kumusta ka na? Ayos ka lang ba? Tinangay tayo ng alon sa walang katapusang katanungan. Kailan ito titigil? Kailan muling babalik? Maibabalik pa kaya? Magkikita-kita pa kaya? Pandemya, dulot nito’y samu’t saring emosyon, Nakakulong sa labanang hindi nakikita, Kalaban sa hangin, sa pangungulila, at pighati, Buhay na pansamantala, tinakasan na lang bigla. Pamamaalam ay hindi na nagawa. Subalit, sa daloy ng rumaragasang tubig, hindi patitibag May lumilisan at may kailangang magpatuloy Itutuloy ang laban para sa natitira at uusbong. —Annie

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NGC F42 trapped in a vortex are star dusts violently swirling in blinding spirals, invading calm constellations— unwanted, intrusive, uncontrollable. Each moment the cosmos weaves a bizarre gravitational force to compose the astronomical entropy, it becomes a cosmic routine until— trapped in a vortex are star dusts violently swirling in blinding spirals, invading calm constellations— unwanted, intrusive, uncontrollable… —Lugia

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Silent Battle —Rio When you constantly fight with your inner demons, one certain action makes you lose your will to fight and your will to live. Then slowly, very slowly, they take you into the depths of the underworld, uncertain of what will happen. Only one thing’s for sure, you can no longer feel pain, nor see or hear, how cruel this world can be.

Desperate Plea My mind is screaming, But only I can hear. I want to escape, Yet there’s no door open. I’m crying, But no tears are flowing. I do exist, Yet no one can recognize my presence. Save me, I’m here. —Uriah

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Possessions (atonement part 2) Sometimes I am the things that I cannot accept. I barely let them pass; Holding onto them as they appear, My despair could not sail. The wilderness sleeps inside my head, Losing my voice in the tempest; Some things feed my nightmares, Some attempts accomplish nothing. The path is endless— I wandered away to reverse my fate. Obsessions can send us up the river, Lying with tangled strings. Things that grow within, With force, it can never be broken Let everything go, Only if your heart says so. —Komorebi

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Kailan Pa? Katotohanang inilalantad, Kasinungalingang namumukadkad, Subalit bakit tila lahat ay bulag? Paligid na nakaririndi, Ingay na sinlakas ng tambuli, Ngunit bakit tila lahat ay bingi? Bibig na walang tinig, Isipan nama’y puspos at tigib, Subalit bakit piniling maging umid? Kailan bubuksan ang mga mata? Kailan makikinig yaring tainga? Kailan mamumutawi sa bibig ang mga salita? Kailan pa, kung ang lahat ay huli na? —Uriah

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Border Control Natapos man ang salubong nang masaya, Sinong mag-aakala na mauuwi sa luha? Dala man ang pag-asa sa bawat umaga, Walang makakatugma sa bagong simula. Edukasyong nagaganap sa silid-teknolohiya, Negosyong nagsara, trabahong pilit nawala, Ekonomiyang lugmok dahil sa sakuna, Mahihirap, lalong naghirap at nagdusa. Eskinitang hindi na malayang baybayin, Pamilihang hindi na puweding dagsain, Destinasyong takot ng libutin, Pandemyang humagupit sa atin. Ang mga pag-uwing naantala, Pahinga at bakasyong nakansela, Kalam ng sikmura, naggagambala, Dagok na pinagapang ang madla. —Elpeeda

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Wars The night’s peace is unjustified, It should be easy to fall into slumber. Our conscience cannot declare, Peace isn’t just for our name. There is dread somewhere else, If one looks back, Power is no more than a bluff, When smoke mixes with blood. The portraits of wars— A mother and child, All but fear are starved, Death weapons rattle the land. The cost behind enemies’ backs, Where shall the innocent flee? Where evil cannot visit, And freedom is conceived. —Komorebi

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OnlyFans the lights are set, flashing blue and red as I sit on the edge of my satin-covered bed polishing the chains, loosening the whip more views to gain, no chance to skip the lenses are ready to capture the moment he comes out of the bathroom, donned in scarlet “Are you clean?”—an inevitable question For dollars’ worth of carnal obligation “Yes, I am”—at least, for my ass because what is dignity when you are getting bands? the shameless were once shamed, or so I believe. I don’t care as long as my fans pay their subscription fee. “Are you ready?”—an interrogative precursor For pleasure’s worth of sensual exhibition “Yes, I am”—and so is the internet Come on and press play, let’s get it over with the lights are set, flashing blue and red as I lay half-naked on my satin-covered bed. —Lugia

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Social Club Slave, not of the living, Mindless as the screen, Always glowing, Eyes couldn’t blink, Though they are burning. I doubt the chattering— Ominous as the tapping, To converse with the world, Time was left rotten. Without them, Even I terrified my friends, But the future has rivals, Politely seeing us go wired. Forgetting our senses, We hold our own dungeon, Here is our wrong devotion. —Komorebi

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Paslit Sitsiritsit, alibangbang Si Totoy at Neneng mayroon ng panganay Dahil sa kanilang kapusukan Kinabukasa’y nawalan ng kulay. Ama’t ina, ‘di makapaniwala Araw at gabi, walang tigil sa pagtulo ang luha Ngunit wala nang magagawa Kundi magpakatatag at muling magsimula. —Uriah

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Ipagpatawad Mo Mahal kong Pilipinas, Ipagpatawad mo, ‘Pagkat nasa kamay ka ng mga mandurugas, Sa kamay ng mga hangal at mga hudas. Hindi matapos-tapos, Pang-uuto at pagnanakaw. Pera na dapat ay para sa bayan, Napunta sa bulsa ng mga pulitikong tulisan. Sinisinta kong Inang Bayan, Naririnig mo rin ba ang hinagpis, Ng aking mga kababayan? Nadidinig ngunit hindi pinapakinggan. Tumatangis, sumasalungat sa agos, Ngunit binusalan ang bibig Ng mapait na kamatayan. Hanggang kailan pa ang kalapastanganan? Tao po na naka-upo, Maaari ba kayong tumayo? Nang matanaw man lang ninyo, Tunay na kalagayan ng mga nasa laylayan?

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Sa aking mga kababayan, Kapwa kabataan, Sa susunod na halalan, Maging wais, mapanuri, at mapagmatyag. Gamitin ang ‘yong karapatan, Magparehistro, mata’y imulat, Makibahagi sa nagaganap sa ating lipunan, Tayo ang kinabukasan ng Inang Bayan. Kaibigan, kasalanan na, Ang pumikit kapag ikaw ay namulat, Kasalanan na, Ang maging bingi kung ika'y nakakarinig. Tayo ang mga tagapagmana, Tayo ang magwawakas sa mga dinastiya, Nakasalalay sa ating mga daliri, Kapalarang kahihinatnan ng bansang sinilangan. —Cyd

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Manibela at Gulong Mundo’y nagsimulang umikot ng patiwarik, At mga gulong ay umikot ng paurong, Sa bawat araw sana ay makatawid, Nais kong maglakbay pasulong. Ngunit ang daan ay sadyang kay tarik, ‘Di makaalis sa pagkakahinto; Nakatapak ng matulis na bagay— Panaho’y talagang hindi nakikitungo. Mga mata’y nakapirmi sa daan, Pinagpapawisan ang noo; Mahigpit na nakahawak sa manibela, Palubog na ang araw ngunit— Walang pa ring maiuuwing buo. Pilit kong ginagampanan, Tungkulin bilang ama’t hari ng kalsada; Lubos na nalulungkot, mababakas sa ‘king mga mata; Nakakalungkot isiping wala ng abutan ng barya, Pagkatapos nilang sambitin—“Manong, para.” —Sunburst Autumn

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Ayuda Paano ba mapagkakasya, Sa kumakalam na mga sikmura, Apat na pirasong laman ng sardinas na de lata? Hanggang saan ba aabot, Isang kilong bigas na sa plastik nakabalot, Na ang iba’y mayroon Ng gumapang na mga bukbok? Gaano pa ba katagal hihigop, Sabaw ng pansit na nasa supot Na sa kalusugan ay ‘di maganda ang dulot? —Uriah

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Worn Out Faces The world turned really mad, Casting its wrath on men; The world made all wretched and bad, Lured in the lion’s den. The bloodshed of roaring deaths, Doctors, nurses, lined in front; Wounded by the claws of this disease, Carrying the weights with weapons blunt. In short of armors to war, Deprived of peace and rest, They barely can breathe themselves some air, Puzzled of the answer to this test. Faces most taken for granted, Efforts most overlooked, Frontline heroes are underpaid, Worn out faces, whose lives were shook. —Sunburst Autumn

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Balangkas Sisikapin kong maisulat ng tintang itim, Sana’y walang palugit ang mga pahina, Nais ko mang punuin ng galak ang paunang salita, Naninibugho ang telebisyon sa dakong kaliwa. Ang balangkas minsan ay hindi sapat, Mga buhay na hinila na ng tungkulin, Hindi na maiuuwi sa tahanan, Kailanman ay hindi na makakapiling ng bayan. Higit pa sa nilinang na kakayahan, Madilim din ang patutunguhan, Sana’y ang mga pangako ay hindi lang pabalat, Nang maibsan ang pagtangis at paghihirap. Bayani man ay nangangamba pa rin, Ang paglilingkod sana’y masuklian, Sila’y sandigan din ng marami pang buhay, Malayo pa ang wakas ng yaring salaysay. —Komorebi

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What Covers Conceal All the hues you see and wear, Come in layers and different shapes; Sometimes forgotten, and sometimes tear, A need to heed you cannot escape. From its folds to layers— Is a desperate cry to survive; Clicking strings behind the ears, The hope that keeps you alive. Denied to nose unfiltered air, Half of your face you can’t express, Behind the covers are smiles you wear— The ones that seem suppressed. —Sunburst Autumn

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Kaakibat ng Pagkawala ay Pagdurusa Ipikit ang iyong mga mata, Hayaang mabasa sa buhos ng ‘yong mga luha. Sumandal sa aking balikat, Tahan na. Nakagapos sa pagsisisi at pighati, Nakakulong sa rehas ng mga alaalang ika’y kasama, Tanging lumbay ang naging kaagapay, At luha ang naging tagapagsalita. Ipinagkait sa ‘yo ang binhi ng buhay, Pagkakataong hanggang sa pagtanda tayo’y magkaramay. Ipinagkait sa aking ika’y muling masilayan, Kinuha niyang lahat, kinuha ng corona. Sa aking paghihinagpis, Nakalimutan na kung paanong maging buo, ‘Pagkat isinama mo, kabiyak ng aking pagkatao. Naliligaw, nalilito, nasasaktan, at tumatangis. Panalangin ko’y makarating ka sa paraiso, Magsusumamong sarili’y muling mabuo, Pangako, pag-ibig ay pasisiklabin sa ‘king puso, Hanggang sa ako’y tangayin ng ihip ng hangin, sa abong anyo. —Cyd

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Family Tree I was a borrower of their name, I write with a frostbite. To confront those ancestors, I gave parties a revolt, Strangers, also neighbors. Yet we can be related by grief, In our greatest loss, A household mourning; Though there were no perfect buds, We all share the same stem. —Komorebi

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Koronang Corona Glynx Clef Babala: Huwag magsuot ng Corona. Nakamamatay! Magdadalawang linggo na rin mula nang pagbawalan kaming lumabas ng bahay dahil sa laganap na pandemya. Siyempre, hindi ito ang nakasanayan kong buhay. Kailangan daw kasi na laging magsuot ng peysmas, peysheld, at panatilihin ang social distancing sa mataong lugar. Makulimlim na umaga noon nang dumungaw ako sa aming bintana at nilibot ang aking paningin sa paligid. Halos mabingi ako sa sobrang katahimikan at mabulag sa walang buhay na kapaligiran. Walang tao, wala ring gaanong sasakyan. Nakakapanibago, hindi ako sanay. “Sus! Maniwala kayo diyan sa coronavirus na ‘yan! Ito ang totoong korona!" sambit ni nanay habang hawak-hawak ang magtatatlong dekada na niyang korona na napanalunan sa isang beauty contest sa kanilang bayan noon. “Gawa-gawa lang ang virus na ‘yan para magkapera sila at maghirap ang mga tao. Sa maikling salita, it's a scam!" dagdag pa niya habang pinupunasan ang iba pang kagamitan sa sala. Hindi siya naniniwala sa pandemya o sa coronavirus. Aniya, ang totoong korona ay ang katapangan na sa kahit anumang banta ay huwag daw matatakot. “Pero nay, marami na nga ang nahawa at namatay o! Araw-araw dumarami ayon sa balita," tugon ko sa kanya. “Naku! Marami ka pang ‘di alam sa mga ‘yan. Pera-pera na lang talaga ngayon. Bahala na kung marami man ang maapektuhan basta yumaman ‘yang mga ‘yan," nanggigigil niyang banggit.

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Araw ng Sabado at kailangan ni nanay na mamalengke para sa supply namin sa isang buong linggo dahil nga limitado lang ang paglabas ng mga tao. At dahil hindi talaga siya naniniwala sa COVID-19, panaka-naka niyang kinukuha ang kanyang face mask at face shield. At kahit nasa mataong lugar siya, pinilit niya pa ring makipagsiksikan lalo na sa mga tindahan. Tatlong araw ang nakalipas, nakaramdam siya ng kakaiba sa katawan. Nagsimula siyang maubo at mawalan ng panlasa. Tumagal pa ito ng ilang araw kaya napilitan akong kausapin siya. “Nay, baka nagkaCOVID ka na! Kasi naman hindi ka sumusunod sa health protocols eh," sumbat ko sa kanya. “Manahimik ka diyan, Miguel! Normal na sama ng pakiramdam lang ito. At tsaka, kung oras mo na, oras mo na talaga ‘yun!" pagtatanggol niya sa sarili. Lumipas pa ang ilang araw, nagsimula na siyang magreklamo tungkol sa paghinga niya. Tila ba parang limitado ang kaniyang paghinga at hinahabol ito ng oras. Ngunit ganoon pa rin, ‘di pa rin siya naniniwala sa pandemya. “Kung may korona man akong isusuot at papapasukin sa katawan at kaluluwa ko, ‘yun ay ang kaisa-isang koronang napanalunan ko talaga noon! Ang koronang ‘yan ang sumisimbolo ng aking katapangan at katatagan," muli naman niyang sambit. Hindi na nakayanan pa ni Nanay. Binawian na siya ng buhay. Ngunit kahit hanggang sa huling hininga niya, hindi niya pinaniniwalaan na tinamaan siya ng sakit na ‘yun. Agad siyang kinuha sa aming bahay at pina-cremate. Doon ko napagtanto na hindi lahat ng korona ay nakapagbibigay ligaya at saya. May koronang dapat iniiwasan at nilalayuan—ang coronavirus na nakakatakot at nakamamatay. Nakakalungkot lang na nilagutan ng hininga ang aking ina, dala-dala ang maling paniniwala. Sa ngayon, muli akong nakadungaw sa aming bintana. Pinagmamasdan ang paligid na kahit papaano'y nanumbalik na ang kaunting kasiglahan. Bigla na lang akong napabuntong-hininga at napasabing, “Korona ang naging tapang ni nanay. Corona naman ang kaniyang naging kalaban. Kaya Koronang Corona ang ibinaon niya sa kaniyang kamatayan.”

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Kanlungan Nakakapangamba ang takbo ng panahon, Ang kahapisan ay sinusundan pa ng isang alon, Wala nang mababaw na dasal, Nalulunod na sa sariling luha at mga bulong. Ang takot pala’y may apat na sulok, Ang sikmura’y tila humihiyaw, Tumatangis ngunit madalang ang mga sagot, Ang bukas ay ‘di nais matanaw. Ang kalayaan ay may hangganan, Ang kasalukuyan ay balisa, Humihiyaw ang lihim ng katahimikan, Ang pagsisisi’y ‘di nawawala. Ang kahapon ay nakakulong na sa gunita, Tayong mga bilanggo ng pagbabago, Saan maaaninag ang pag-asa? Ang kanlungan ay wala na.

—Komorebi

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Ang Sisidlan Glynx Clef Anim na talampakan mula sa lupa. Ito ang karaniwang paraan ng paglilibing sa isang taong pumanaw. Sa loob ng mahabang panahon, nakagisnan nating iburol, pamisahan, at isabuhay ang iba pang kaugalian sa tuwing may namamatay. Ngunit ang lahat ay nabago nang lumaganap ang nakakahawang sakit.

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Nahawaan ng sinasabing sakit ang aming lolo. Namatay siya at sapilitang kinuha ng mga awtoridad na balot na balot ng tela ang buong katawan. Masakit man pero kailangang tanggapin na sa ganitong paraan kami magpapaalam at mawawalay kay lolo. Pinagbawalan kaming lumabas sa loob ng dalawang linggo at pinagpayuhang manatili na lamang sa loob ng bahay at magpalakas ng katawan. Makalipas ang tatlong araw, may isang sisidlang iniabot kay mama. Parang isang mamahaling porselana at pagkatapos ay inilagay ito sa isang mesa sa aming sala. Isang umaga, nanlisik ang mga mata ko at hindi ko alam kung matatawa, magagalit, o maaawa ba ako sa kanya. Kasalukuyang kinakain ng bunso kong kapatid ang laman ng sisidlan. Buong pagtataka niyang tanong, “Kuya! Bakit parang kakaiba ang lasa ng polvoron na‘to?" Ang tanging naging sagot ko, “Baliw! Abo ‘yan ni lolo!"

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Villains Monsters swept me away, Robbing my own name. I lived in my bad dreams, Because I can’t find you here. Sometimes I become one, Drenched in silence, I was never kind, Still I had no fun. There’s no potion that I won’t take To drain envy from my veins. I bled in my defeat, I could never be the same. To start this parting, I leave my wishes to you, May you find a place away from here, Where my memories never dwell. —Komorebi

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The Hospital Once a place of hope, security, and miracles, Now of fear, grief, and threat; Once you step foot your thoughts then tell, You might catch the trap closer to death. Some won’t have themselves surrendered, For they don’t trust the place anymore, Because the moment you enter, Is like the sound of shutting doors. Once a place where families Drop the sick and fetch the well; But frequently a place of cries, Of grief and heartbreaking farewells. —Sunburst Autumn

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A Blind War As though a troop of archers aiming, Shooting arrows in the sky; Like rain, it fell onto the ground, And echoed did their cries. Some shot straight into the heart, And some partly scratched, Some made to run out of the field, Some bled to death, whose hopes were snatched. Men, mere soldiers in a war, Waging unprepared; Enraged of loss, they traveled far, In the valleys, they fought ungeared. Unseen by the eyes, unforeseen by time; The tiniest maybe, but seized millions of lives. The fallen burned to ashes, buried without goodbyes, The worst has come, the harder it is to survive. Many struggled to breathe, And returned their borrowed lives; So as many were left mourning, And many were left half-alive. —Sunburst Autumn

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CHAPTER 3

LOVE

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seemingly endless topic in every conversation and the quest for unfathomable enigma continues to bewilder and amaze the person who will experience it the way he did not expect—love.

The struggle and injustices in this time of pandemic, brought darkness to our lives. Mornings became lifeless, days came full of yearning, and cold were the nights deprived of food. However, despite life-threatening conflicts, the rise of many good Samaritans spread around the world. The advocacy of change and the delivery of hope conquered the deepest wounds and shed light. As Jesus said in Matthew 17:20, “If you have faith as small as a mustard seed, you can say to this mountain, ‘Move from here to there,’ and it will move. Nothing will be impossible for you.” Even a little faith can change the world through a small step to save someone’s life. The seed that was planted to their heart will grow and eventually produce fruit. The smallest act of kindness can become a living testimony while leaving a legacy. Love can break boundaries, eliminate hatred, judgment, selfishness, and give rise to affection, care, unity, and acceptance. The word love is hard to define in words but it brings people who gave and received it a myriad of extraordinary emotions and reasons to lay hold of and believe that life has so much to live for.

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Agos Tatakasan ang kinagisnan, Sa saliw ng musika, O nakabibinging katahimikan, Pipiliting makiayon sa hampas ng alon, Kakapitan ang paniniwalang Mababakas ang ligaya, Pagkatapos ng pait na nadarama. —Annie

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To Those Who Listened I didn’t burn the bridges, I forgot which way they were, But I’m not off fortune’s map. If I had to go across my stillness, There must be a cure to strangeness, Yet friends don’t have to unveil, I don’t have to change. We can’t dwell in the same meadow, Even we’re paths apart, We will always meet— We shall talk about bad luck, A toast to some heartbreaks, And to a future we seek. —Komorebi

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Still you At the end of the day, After all the hurt, The pain, The damage, That you’ve caused me, The warmth of your body, And your tight embrace, Is all that I need, ‘Cause as long As you are with me, I know I am safe. —Rio

You We built them to see these ruins— The storms that led us to our breaking. Even if tomorrow is at sea, The clouds gather to cry, There is an irreplaceable sun. Quiet desperation is not oceans away, Even those in the streets have gone astray. We’re slow to hold each other, We can’t bribe the sting to ebb, But there is no other life to live. Our tears will not forever flow, There is love that remembers our waking. Hope is not a myth for the living, Without you, The world will never know. —Komorebi

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Enchanting Take my hand, Dance with me in the moonlight. Your eyes reflect the starry night— Ethereal and breathtaking. Feel the rhythm of my heart, Hear the soft whispers of the wind, You're glowing and looks divine, An enchantress, beautiful with grace. Hold me in your arms, For I feel I'm already home, You are my rest, In this occupied and chaotic world. —Cyd

Half-asleep The world loses the unnoticed, Love is the greatest when it doesn’t hurt, Chasing bodies to find home, Here are the bruises deep in our bones. Not all young hearts are filled with love, Unfortunately, yesterday was true. I can’t live everyday like it is the last— We cry even if there is no pain to lose. There is not enough fear that I can let go of, To live for the goodness they left. Far from the sadness that I can’t live without, I can allow love to be with you. —Komorebi

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The Slope The day just went away like it always did, A tinge in my heart began to flip; From the page, I hope someday you’ll read, From cover to cover, your name was spilled. On the orange horizon where the sun meets the sea, My heart longs for you romantically; Envious to those couples lining up to see its beauty, Wishing that you’re here so you can share this view with me. As my eyes wonder on how the sun kisses the sea goodbye, I always remember how your lips linger to mine; And in a moment like this, I want to slip my hand through your fingers— Stop the time as if now is the only thing that matters. My mind could extend as wide as the horizon from afar, Taking me to a place that’s somewhat familiar; The most evocative scent I knew by heart, In your arms where I perfectly fit, I can’t break apart. Unfortunately, the rendezvous of the sun and the sea never exceeds, And just like that, the sun gradually traverses; Looking forward to the time that we’ll have a tryst, Longer than the sun and the sea in the entire universe. —Hassan

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Ikaw, Ako, at Mundong Nagbabago Kaba, takot, at saya, Pumapalibot sa ating dalawa, Ikaw na mismo ang nagpakita, Na hindi dapat ako mangamba. Sa mundong hindi matahimik, Boses mo lamang ang aking naririnig, Kahit anong pilit sa puso kong hindi makaimik, Hanap ko ang iyong ngiti sa aking pag-idlip. Madalang man tayong magkita, Hindi mahawakan at mahaplos, Nangungulila sa iyong halimuyak, Sa telepono na lang namamaos. Hindi matunton ang mga sagot sa maraming bakit, Walang nakakatiyak kung babalik pa ang dati, Ngunit sa ating pag-ibig at pagtitiwala, ako’y sigurado, Hindi tayo mabubuwag, mundo man ay magbago. —Dear, Cassia

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My Seraph Locked in a four-sided space, Pillows filled with silent tears; Confined walls feel like a maze, Yet you came to save me from the abyss. The dull room gleamed for an instant, With your flaming love, I felt warmth. In an imminent peril, I shall not fall, My Seraph, you exalted my gloomy soul. —Uriah

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Music on the Peak of Fall Sunburst Autumn

Early in the morning, as I sat on the lazy boy in the living room, in the peak of fall, the sun pierced its rays through the window, shining on a very precious memento clouded with a bit of dust. I stood up and pushed my feet towards my grand piano. I found a bittersweet smile on my face as I tapped its lid, drawing a line on its dusty complexion. It’s been a year since the last time I laid hands on this precious instrument. The next moment, I found myself sitting on the duet bench, with my fingers positioned to play the keys, and my feet were all set to step on the pedals. My wife smiled at me. This is how she fondly looked at me through the decades. I began to play the piano and I heard her voice again. She’s back. I thought to myself joyfully. “You're a beautiful one, you are like the sun cause this one river flows in you,” she sang the best part of the song we used to sing in our earlier years—Yiruma’s “River Flows in You.”

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But tears started streaming down my face as I played and listened to her voice realizing this was all but in my head. But I couldn’t give up the same moment she did. I had to keep going to fulfill one thing—to pass this legacy to Sunny, our grandson, as I promised her. I trained him for a year and I couldn’t believe he plays very well. He’s now as good as a pianist as I am. Having the same love and interest in music was something she dearly loved about me, and she, as a singer, caught my heart. We were the perfect pair. She sings and I play. Through time, I felt a myriad of emotions, encountered the deepest thoughts, dealt with the excruciating pain of missing someone dearly every day but I never gave up. But whenever I see the space she left on our lazy boy seats where we used to sip a cup of tea, on our duet seat where we used to play and sing at sunrise, saddens me. There are surely lots of things she missed all year-round. But I have this hope in me that one day I’ll be able to tell her all. Now that Sunny plays this instrument well, I have fulfilled my promise. I wondered how far shall I go without her by my side? I couldn’t tell but time. The white keys manifest happiness, the black keys display sadness. There are phases in life when we hear the harmony of both the white and black keys. Black it may be, but it still makes music. I survived a year playing only the black ones, for staying a bit longer than she did. I have lots of news to tell. She’ll hear everything about it when I get there—all these are my hopeful thoughts as I pressed the keys. As I played a few notes left on the song we used to sing, I slowly felt I couldn’t grasp any more air. So this is how she felt a year ago when this pandemic robbed her precious life. I knew this could be it—the time I’ve been waiting for. I remember leaning on the piano keys as I struggled to breathe, leaving the sound of dissonance to dwell in the room, early in the morning, in the peak of fall, as the sun pierced its rays through the window where I and the piano sat.

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Love Knows No Distance Far at distance, But close at heart; Spaces— No, it won’t tear us apart. —Sunburst Autumn

Unsaid Devotion In another life, I'll love and cherish you a little longer, I'll serve you coffee every morning, I'll embrace you a little tighter. I want to be a part of your happiness, I want to hear your laughs, I want to listen to your stories all night, As I engrave everything about you in my mind. In another life, I want to spend the stormy days, And cold nights in your arms. For your warmth calms the voices in my head. In another life, I'll make sure I can protect you, I'll be there to comfort you, When you feel like everything's falling apart. Because in another life, I'll make sure to find you, So I can hold your hands, Longer than I did in this lifetime. —Cyd

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Borrowers Nothing is bare, This is not a masquerade. Devoid of secrets, We share in this honest fear, What more can this heart claim? In this bright-lit room, Lays our faith unconfined. May God forbid the shroud, If one’s desire is defeated, Let peace be their lead. —Komorebi

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Stimulant Our life Is a series of commas. It never ends. Doors keep on closing The walls are caving in. It’s monotonous. Every day is a confrontation, Of new twists and conflicts. It’s exhausting. But your love— Brings spice in every turn. Makes every hump placid, lenient, It’s analeptic. —Uriah

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Deep Rest After shining all day long, Even the sun, An inexhaustible creation, Yearns to rest below the horizon. You as well, And you tired and weary heart, Refrain and breathe for a while, And let peace fill your core. —Uriah

Hakbang Pasulong Nahihirapan, naghihingalo, Tila pinagsakluban ng langit at lupa; Hindi maipinta ang panibagong yugto, Mga mata ay puno ng luha. Gumagapang, tumatangis, Huwag patatangay sa madamdaming pagsilakbo; Isipin mo muna kung bakit ka nagsimula, Bago mo maisipang sumuko. —Sunburst Autumn

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Analog Much of the clutter takes form— Filling desolate places, By our jaded submissions, Most of them won’t make a home. Crevices will creep in the wall, Beyond language, we shall fall. There is gain in giving away, Hands may be burned, But the mind isn’t yearning. Escaping the thieves of time, I can start living. —Komorebi

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We Have Travelled Far Sunburst Autumn

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The clock just ticked itself to 3 am, and my eyes are still wide awake, bothered by my worthless existence. Pasting my gaze on the blankness of the ceiling, with a little light beside my bed, I couldn’t stop thinking about how the world turned into an almost complete ruin. I couldn’t settle my thoughts on how long and how bloody this world is yet to become. Many were taken out of this world whose lives were far more worthy than mine. Why not me? Why take the lives of those who thirst for it and not the ones that are tired of breathing? And even if we’ve had enough of life, why do we still conform to the ways to live and survive? Every day it gets harder building our hopes up of getting everything back in its place. Especially when it’s already messed up ever since and gets even messier—it keeps falling apart. This destruction went way too far, insanely crossing the lines. Many creep from the burrow of doom, consuming the taste of soil, savoring the aftertaste of misfortune. What probable reason might it be that amongst many that left the world, I, we, remain? Why are we that desperate to live each day when it’s been a steep, rough, and debilitating journey? The clock ticked more than I can count. As I busily drowned myself in deeper introspection, silence began to whisper lullaby to my ears. The sight of the ceiling slowly blurred as my lids began to seal. I figured the answer to my question—why are we that desperate to live each day when it’s been a steep, rough, and debilitating journey? Simply, we fight to survive because we made it this far.

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Miles Away Mother—the name I have in mind, It’s been years since I forgot about it, The things I know and have in life; I couldn’t walk alone, Nor see things clearly in my eyes; Mother, Mother, I remember your comfort as I sat on the line; Mother, I am afraid, can I decline? The syringe is flickered, the needle shines, Aimed to pierce my arm, I couldn’t help but cry. Mother, Mother, your face I couldn’t find, If only you were here, I would hold my cries. I miss you hushing me and telling me it’s alright. They told me it’s okay, This vaccine will keep me safe and alive. I remember when I was little, You told me the same and you were right. —Sunburst Autumn

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Sa Susunod na Kabanata Maikli lang ang tulang ito, Isang paalala mula sa kaibigang manunulat. Bumabangon tayo, para sa sarili, pamilya, at kaibigan. Lumalaban tayo dahil kailangan nating malampasan ang pagsubok na ito. Lakipan lang ng tiwala, pananampalataya, at panalangin, Magliliwanag muli ang madilim na paligid. Muli nating masisilayan ang bakas ng kagalakan sa bawat isa. Kaya pagmamahal ang palaganapin, huwag ang COVID-19! —Glynx Clef

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Stand Still Myriad stories have been told, Some were spoken, some were written. Most were stories of longing, leaving, and losing. It's been a hell year of: Battling the same war, But not having the same shield. Being on the same ocean, But not riding on the same boat. We may be, Heading on to the same destination, But some are behind the wheels, Some walk and some crawl. Having tables at home, But not all have something to eat. Everyone has been: Staying inside each house, But not all is actually a home. Facing the same new day, But for some, it's already their last one. Hugs, kisses, caresses; Things that were once my shield, Now weapons against me.

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But I'm holding on. I need to. I must. For you. For us. For everyone. If there's one thing that this pandemic has gifted me with, it is courage— Courage to face a new day with a possibility that it might be my last; To keep going even though going out means putting half of my body buried in the ground; To conquer my fears in dealing with life's uncertainties; To respond to someone's call for help no matter the danger it brings; To force a smile, to wipe each tear, to take one more step, and to live each new day. Love gives me life. It's what keeps me going. So I could continue to live, I must also continue to love. And to love means to sacrifice and to be able to sacrifice is courage. This is so we could give hope to those who no longer have the will to live. We will keep going. We will stand still against any storm. We will emerge victorious, COVID notwithstanding. It's a tough time but we'll get through this; Keep hope alive no matter how dark it gets. —Asii

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Hintay Kumusta aking mga kababayan? Lubos nang pagod ang Inang Bayan, Pilit nilalabanan ang ‘di makitang kalaban, Umaasang bukas lahat ay tatahan. Mga taong walang kasalanansubalit nakakulong, Hindi magkaaway ngunit umiiwas na magkasalubong, Mundo man natin ngayon ay nasa matinding daluyong, Malalagpasan kung lahat magbibigay ng tulong. Kapatid, sakit ang ating kalaban, Sakit na dapat lahat ay lumaban, Ngunit tila iba ang nangyayari, Marami sa atin ang naiwan sa ere, Marami ang nagpipilit na tumaliwas, Sa kanilang tahana’y nais makalabas, Pagkain ay dahan-dahang nagkaubusan, Perang galing sa gobyerno ay pinag-aagawan. Hindi tayo dito ang magkaaway, Aahon tayo dito nang sabay, Ugaliing manatili sa loob ng bahay, Tiyak makakaligtas ka ng maraming buhay. Umasang mundo ay hihilom, Manalangin at Siya ay tutugon, Matagal man bago tayo magkita-kita, Maghintay at mahahagkan din kita. —Dear, Cassia

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Irog kong Bayan Tanikala man ang sapitin, Patuloy kitang iibigin Kahabagang ‘di nanaiisin, Hapdi na sana’y pawiin. Sa lupang higit kong pinagpawisan, Buhay ninuman ay makabuluhan, Hilumin ang sugat at kahapisan, Ng pagmamahal na walang batayan. —Elpeeda

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Umasa Isang mundong tahimik, May kalabang walang imik, Lahat ay biglang nagbago, ‘Di na alam kung saan tutungo. Kalaban na hindi makita, Tanging laman ng araw-araw na balita, Nagulat sa ganitong sakuna, Sino man ay hindi naging handa. Pagsasama’y pansamantalang natigil, Sa pagkikita, lahat ay gigil, Paghawak-kamay man ay ipinagbawal, Lahat ng ito’y ‘di rin magtatagal. Pag-asa ang meron tayo, Pag-asang sa sakuna tayo ay mailayo, Umasa na lahat ay magbabago, Umasa na hihilom ating mundo. —Dear, Cassia

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Sinimulan ni Patreng Kumakalam na sikmurang hindi masikmura, Tigil trabahong nagpahirap sa mga tao, Dulot ng pandemyang lumaganap sa buong mundo, Walang makapitan, sino ang magtutulungan? Sa gitna ng pagdurusa, isang layunin ang umusbong, Hatid nito’y liwanag at pag-asa, Maitawid lang ang gutom pansamantala, Ng kapwang lumalaban para mabuhay. Dulot nito’y tinularan ng karamihan, Hanggang lumaganap at hindi na napigilan, Tayo rin lamang naman ang magtutulungan, “Magbigay ayon sa kakayahan, kumuha batay sa pangangailangan” Ika nga sa tema ng bayanihan. —Annie

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This Too Shall Pass Sunken and hollowed lives of races, Pained from flesh into the bones; To endure the agony, there are no excuses, For all that lives are stoned. But someday the war that the world wages, Shall be condemned, dethroned; Difficult days will once leave no traces, The wonders of fate shall never again be stormed. Victory, still up in the air, in spaces But hope and faith will soon sit next to the throne; Never lose sight of courage for a month, a year, or ages, And we shall heal from the aching of the unknown. —Sunburst Autumn

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All at Once A cloudy mist, A beautiful mess, A scared soul, A sacred being. In the face of chaos, Surviving with wit, Felt that I am a jigsaw puzzle, That doesn't fit. Lived through facades, Confused and intuitive, Unsure, reckless, Yet determined. Unfitting yet deemed worthy, A sinner but He offered salvation. I am a blossom blooming at once, A tidal wave and overwhelming. —Cyd

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Panalangin Kundi man sapat ang bisa ng aking sangga, Upang supilin ang banta nitong sakuna, Ipag-antanda mo ako sa tapat ng altar At damayan sa puspos na panalangin, Manalangin at tutugunan niya ang katiwasayang hinihiling. —Dear, Cassia

Ipagkatiwala Bakit? Anong problema? Ang iyong pighati, Aking nadarama. Palahaw mo’y kay bigat, Tulog pa sila’t ang araw ay ‘di pa sumisikat. Tahan na’t pupunasan ko, Ihiga ang katawang hapo, Ipikit ang mga mata, Bukas, haharapin ang umaga, Ako naman ang makikipaglaban, Hayaan mo’t hindi ka iiwan. —Annie

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It is okay not to be okay Rio It is okay not to be okay, to feel sadness, to feel lonely, to embrace melancholy, and to be vulnerable at times. It is normal and having to feel those kinds of things makes us human. It makes us reflect on the things that have happened, things that we don’t have control of. It is okay not to be okay when we let our vulnerability, our emotions, our feelings control the best of us. It is not okay, it will consume us, it will suck up all the confidence and creativity that we have and it will make us question ourselves “am I not enough?” We should always remember to look at the brighter side of things. We undergo certain phases in our lives that will make or break us but we need to fight and stand tall for we are bigger than the problems we face. It is okay to fall, to stumble, but know when to rise and fight again.

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Philautia Lost for a long, long while, In the wilderness, wandering around, Like a dim-lit star in the dark, I wait for the heavens to soothe my heart. But lightning strikes, it awakened my soul, Unveiled the bleary truth that made me blind; “I am worthy and dear even without your love.” Slowly, I am found— Like a translucent moon in a starry night. —Uriah

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Mountainous Sunburst Autumn

If mountains are too steep today, Walk up a hill instead. Mountains stretched up high away, Harder to trek than a hill, they said. The other has safer steps up the way, Less steep and high, But what reward awaits the pain, In conquering the great, the vast and high? A hill or a mountain, Either of them you’d wish to climb; Both rising with tops and, Embody wonders so sublime. Every step you push each day, Would mean you’re set to take the r To reach the top against the odds, Through hope and faith, you’re d brisk. Today, you may conquer just a hill, But don’t you ever stop; Maybe you’ll overcome, And step foot on mountain peaks and tops. The more it beco The closer you are to the peak, The more the depth gets deeper, The closer you seek. The way to freedom, peace, and success, All would cause us pain. Clouds and m the top, But in mountains of difficult times— It’s a must that love remains. Lov

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risk; driven e someday omes steeper, u are to what you mist are obstacles to ve can move mountains.

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MIRAGE Rio Michael Jay Demingoy

Komorebi Sunburst Autumn Ysabelle Ann Besorio Vanessa Glenise Usison

Uriah Annie Thoen Ann Socobos Alyza Pamillaran Glynx Clef Reynan Joel Ecamina

Cyd Dear, Cassia Jimil Faith Caputero Czarelle Luces

Mr. Leo Art Diosep E. Borres Adviser Contributing Writers

Elpeeda Hassan Angeli Queen Develos Nanette Carmen

Asii Anacel Catapang Contributing Artists

Zean Harvey Que

Vanessa Glenise Usison

Contributing Photographers Christine Joy Borja Ian Kenneth Lim Joshua Solis John Loyd Galleno John Raymund Fajartin Chapter 1 Story Chapter 2 Story Chapter 3 Story Layout

Thoen Ann Socobos Ysabelle Ann Besorio Alyza Pamillaran Joshua Solis

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w /The Hillside Echo Publication @hseoffpen

INFORM • INSPIRE • EMPOWER COPRE & AWARDS 2020 Group Awards: 2nd Best Filipino Page 5th Best Wall News Individual Awards: 2nd Place in Feature Writing Filipino Angeli Queen Develos

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