2 minute read
HorosCopes
HOGWARTS HORror-SCOPES
Madam Starflash Sees what (mis)fortunes will befall you this (holiday) season! Okay, so Madam Starflash is completely and utterly out of ideas. Please accept this list of Muggle Media recommendations for your sign, courtesy of your fellow Hogwarts Redditors, who were absolutely not blackmailed into helping.
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CAPRICORN THE THESTRAL
(DEC. 22ND — JAN. 19TH)
BOOK: A Court of Thorns and Roses by Sarah J. Maas MOVIE: The House With a Clock in its Walls SHOW: The Masked Singer SONG: ‘Wolf Totem’ by The Hu Credit: /u/ElysiumAtreides, Hufflepuff
AQUARIUS THE KELPIE
(JAN. 20TH — FEB. 18TH)
BOOK: A Great and Terrible Beauty by Libba Bray MOVIE: Ladybird SHOW: 90 Day Fiancé SONG: ‘W’ by Koffee Credit: /u/billiefish, Hufflepuff
PISCES THE MERMAN
(FEB.19TH — MARCH 20TH)
BOOK: Circe by Madeline Miller MOVIE: Swiss Army Men SHOW: House, MD SONG: ‘Presumably Dead Arm’ by Sidney Gish Credit: /u/Sameri278, Hufflepuff
ARIES THE HIPPOGRIFF
(MARCH 21ST — APRIL19TH)
BOOK: The Last Olympian by Rick Riordan MOVIE: The Princess Bride SHOW: Glee SONG: ‘Dark Blue’ by Jack’s Mannequin Credit: /u/Rackik, Gryffindor
TAURUS THE WEREWOLF
(APRIL 20TH — MAY 20TH)
BOOK: Harry Potter and the Philosopher’s Stone by JK Rowling MOVIE: Inception SHOW: The Office SONG: ‘Apologize’ by One Republic Credit: /u/spludgiexx, Ravenclaw
VIRGO THE UNICORN
(AUGUST 23RD — SEPT. 22ND)
BOOK: The Ocean at the End of the Lane by Neil Gaiman MOVIE: Legally Blonde SHOW: Ru Paul’s Drag Race SONG: ‘Supersonic’ by Caravan Palace Credit: /u/iSquash, Ravenclaw
GEMINI THE VEELA
(MAY 21ST — JUNE 20TH)
BOOK: 11/22/63 by Stephen King MOVIE: The Invention of Lying SHOW: Squid Game SONG: ‘No Children’ by Mountain Goats Credit: /u/Marx0r, Slytherin
CANCER THE FIRECRAB
(JUNE 21ST — JULY 22ND)
BOOK: The Girl on the Train by Paula Hawkins MOVIE: ‘Hook’ SHOW: Only Murders in the Building SONG: ‘Lego House’ by Ed Sheeran Credit: /u/saraberry13, Slytherin
LEO THE SPHINX
(JULY 23RD — AUGUST 22ND)
BOOK: The Song of the Lioness by Tamora Pierce MOVIE: Disney’s Hercules SHOW: Wandavision SONG: ‘Team’ by Krewella (Explicit Content)
LIBRA THE DRAGON
(SEPT. 23RD — OCT. 22ND)
BOOK: Alice Through the Looking Glass by Lewis Caroll MOVIE: The Secret Life of Walter Mitty SHOW: South Park SONG: ‘Dirty Paws’ by Of Monsters and Men Credit: /u/McKenzie_Angels, Hufflepuff
SCORPIO THE VAMPIRE
(OCT. 23RD — NOV. 21ST)
BOOK: Red, White & Royal Blue by Casey McQuiston MOVIE: The Eternals SHOW: The Good Place SONG: ‘Touch-Tone Telephone’ by Lemon Demon Credit: /u/wywy4321, Ravenclaw
SAGITTARIUS THE CENTAUR
(NOV. 22ND — DEC. 21ST)
BOOK: Project Hail Mary by Andy Weir MOVIE: School of Rock SHOW: Bob's Burgers SONG: ‘Hunter's Moon’ by Ghost Credit: /u/Forsidious, Slytherin
