Preparing for the Puberty Talk

You might be dreading talking with your preteen about puberty, but it’s essential to start the conversation early and keep the lines of communication open. The key is to make sure your children hear about puberty from you before they get information from other sources.

Talking to your daughter

When patients express anxiety about talking to their adolescent daughters, Sarah Roe, a certified nurse-midwife with Sanford Women’s, assures them that there’s no one better to lead the conversation.

“I really try to empower moms. Their daughter wants to talk to somebody she trusts and loves, not the school nurse or school counselor,” Roe says.

Girls should expect their first period between the ages of 10 to 15. Roe urges moms to talk with their daughters before that first menstruation cycle begins.

“Don’t wait to have a conversation until that first period arrives because she will be terrified,” Roe says. “We’ve all been through this and for her to hear your personal experience will make a huge impact.”

Conversations about puberty are not only about a girl’s first period.

“It’s not just the start of menstruation; it’s the changing body, the hormones, emotions, and friend challenges they start to go through,” says Roe. “It’s an important time in a girl’s life to make bonds with mothers and women they consider mentors to have someone to help coach them through this time in their life.”

Talking to your son

Conversations about the changes boys go through during puberty are encouraged when a boy is roughly middle school-aged.

“For boys especially, there isn’t a natural initiation into manhood,” says Glenn Ridder, MD, who specializes in family medicine at Sanford Health. “Unlike puberty in girls, there isn’t a defined event to mark the beginning.”

Puberty for boys involves many transitions with their bodies, including deeper vocal cords, growing more hair, and becoming broader at the shoulders and narrower at the hips. On average, puberty starts between the ages of 9 and 14.

Whether it’s changes in the reproductive systems or rising testosterone levels, Dr. Ridder encourages parents to be frank and emphasize that the changes are normal.

Boys need to learn the information from someone they can trust. Fathers, uncles, or other adult male mentors can be good resources for an adolescent boy.

Continuing the conversation

There is nothing to fear when talking to your preteen son or daughter about puberty. Focus on making sure they feel comfortable enough to ask you or another trusted adult about any questions they have. The more often you discuss the topic, the easier it will get. l