Getting Comfortable with Being Uncomfortable

Challenging activities are just that: challenging. As parents, we want to protect our children from the harsh realities of life, including failure. Sometimes children respond to difficult events with whining, complaining, or behaviors. Nevertheless, hard things are a necessary part of life, so how can we teach our children determination and perseverance to accomplish hard things when complaining and opposition can be the norm?

Here are some things to try:

• Teach the task. Even though you may think your 10-yearold should know how to clean the bathroom, ensure you demonstrate how to complete each step of the task. Do check-ins, especially the first few times, to ensure everything is going smoothly. Schedule practice time to work on a specific skill, like if your child struggles with lay-ups in basketball. By practicing and putting effort into a particular skill, children will learn that they can develop their abilities.

• Start small. Instead of requiring your child to clean the entire bathroom, ask them to clean only the sink.

• Provide opportunities to develop perseverance. The activity you choose is less important than the effort it takes to complete and the learning that comes with it.

• Allow your child to feel big feelings. It’s hard to see our kids struggle; however, learning comes amid struggle. Resist allowing your child to quit that sport with which they are struggling or rushing in to help with the school project. Also, kids pick up on your emotions, so watch your attitude toward the activity and monitor your levels of frustration or anxiety.

• Provide your experiences with struggles. Teach that failing is OK by talking to your children about your failures and what you did to

Praise the effort. Praising the effort, rather than the accomplishment, tells your child you are proud of the work they put into the task, increasing the likelihood that they bounce back from future challenges.

Teaching our kids a “growth mindset” is an effective parenting approach. People (yes, adults too!) with a growth mindset are more resilient and tend to push through struggles because they believe hard work is part of the process and failure is not permanent. Even if your child is already receiving therapy, always feel free to ask their therapist about ways to work together to ensure your child succeeds in growth. l