Volume 120, Issue 21

The Record

Horace Mann’s Weekly Newspaper Since 1903

Feature: Examining the school’s academic culture

Despite efforts to decrease workload, students’

grade-based stress is on the rise

Lucy Peck Staff Writer

“There are plenty of times when you have no choice but to spend what feels like every spare minute doing work,” Meenakshi Vora (9) said.

This testing week, that sentiment was echoed by students across school — slumped over their desks trying to catch a few minutes of rest, cramming last-minute in the library, relaying scores in the halls. Over the years, school administrators and faculty have made efforts to decrease workload. Yet, based faculty and students report rising stress levels about grades.

changes

In recent years, the school has taken steps to reduce competition and eradicate the grade-oriented

approach to learning, Head of the Upper Division (UD) Dr. Jessica Levenstein said. These changes include the switch from trimesters to semesters, no final exams, no grade point average (GPA)-based distinction (like subject-based honors or valedictorian, now based on student votes), reduced homework during testing weeks, testing week schedules, the 15-minute break period between B and C periods, and a cap on the number of full-credit classes students can take. Some teachers at the school also implemented smaller-scale changes such as ungraded assignments, chances to correct work for a revised grade, and the option to drop students’ lowest test or quiz grade, Levenstein said. A variety of factors contributed to the school’s reform efforts, UD Dean of Students Michael Dalo said. “It was observations on the part of the administration and faculty about how students were managing or not managing the requirements and stresses that were placed

on them,” he said. “It also stemmed from a shift nationwide to recognize the importance of paying attention to mental health and being really aware of the stresses placed on students.”

Before the elimination of final exams, UD English Teacher Dr. Adam Casdin observed that they caused more stress than they were worth. “It was clear that final exams were not furthering the goals of the courses,” he said. “Scores on those exams were often not correlating to the work the student had done over the course of the term.”

Since the school only has shortterm assessments, Hanna Hornfeld ‘22 was scared about taking her first final at college this year. However, the school’s work-oriented environment prepared her for an academically rigorous college experience, Hornfeld said. “At HM I had a lot of practice and experience learning test-taking techniques, even if it wasn’t specifically for finals.”

Sophia Paley (11) is grateful for these changes, she said. “I am very glad that final exams have been eliminated and the awarding of valedictorian is now not only based on GPA,” she said. “Those reforms seem to promote a culture that is less frantically grade-oriented and encourages teamwork instead of competition among students.”

Still, “hell weeks” before break and at the end of the semester can be overwhelming. Paley had three assessments last week, and two this week, she said. “Some of my teachers did a minor assessment the first week and a major the second week,”

she said. “I still have been staying up until 1am studying each night.”

Each of the academic departments has made an effort to reduce workload for students. To reduce stress for students during tough weeks, the school introduced rigid testing week schedules, which stagger assessments and mandate reduced homework, Levenstein said.

“I believe [the testing week schedules] have worked to an extent, but I also know that students find testing stressful no matter what modifications we implement,” she said. “Trying to regulate the number of assessments a student might have on a given day can reduce stress.”

The school is also becoming more attentive to students’ mental health, Dalo said. “That was not really anything that was kind of a subject of conversation or dialogue when I first started here,” he said. “That attention to mental health has been a huge change.”

Half of seniors finish college process early

Isabella Ciriello Staff Writer

This year, nearly half of the senior class completed their college process in the early rounds, the highest number in the Director of College Counseling (CoCo) Cahn Oxelson’s 12 years at the school. That number could climb even higher in the coming weeks as students commit to Early Action (EA) schools.

Every fall, seniors decide whether to apply early to their top choice schools. The early round includes Early Decision I (ED I), Restricted Early Action (REA), and Early Action (EA)., due in November with results out December through January. ED is binding, meaning students can only apply ED to one school and

must attend if accepted. REA and EA are non-binding, the difference being that students can only apply to one REA school.

In January, select colleges also offer Early Decision II (ED II) with decisions released in mid-February through the start of March. Students submit Regular Decision (RD) applications at the same time and hear back throughout April.

CoCo has always emphasized colleges’ priorities during the admissions process to increase students’ chances of acceptance. For instance, some colleges enroll half of the class through ED I and II, so CoCo urges interested students to submit early applications there instead of applying RD.

Each year, they anticipate that ap-

proximately one third of students will be accepted, one third deferred (meaning their applications will be reviewed again in the RD round), and one third denied from their early schools. This year, 91 out of 183 students in the Class of 2023 were accepted to their ED I or II school, or have been accepted and committed to an EA or REA school. “We have never been close to [50% ED II acceptances]. We usually say our expectation is that we’re going to be about 35%, maybe closer to 40%.”

This is a significant admissions shift from the 2022-23 school year when three students were not admitted anywhere by May, and four students did not want to attend any of the schools where they were accepted. Oxelson believes that this year’s se-

niors learned from the Class of 2022’s admission obstacles. “They listened to us in a different way than previous classes have.”

73% faculty respondents say student anxiety has increased

While Levenstein believes the changes have been beneficial, she acknowledges they do not fully eradicate stress from the student body. “We hope students learn how to manage their anxiety around assessments, without allowing that anxiety to overwhelm them or become the only indication of the value of what they are learning,” she said.

Dalo has witnessed a similar trend. “Despite our efforts to bring down the stress level, which have been somewhat successful, I have definitely seen an increase in stress or anxiety in the students.”

As the college landscape becomes increasingly competitive, with acceptance rates decreasing and applicant pools growing, students’

ED I and REA

Admits: 40%

Defers: 28%

Denies: 32%

167 Total Applications

Oxelson is glad many students have finished early because they can feel more relaxed and engaged for the rest of their senior year, he said.

“When you’re worried about college throughout the entire school year, it can be a challenge, and to have so many students done at this point, it feels like they get their senior year back.”

49.7% of seniors finished early

ED II

Admits: 49%

Defers: 16%

Denies: 35%

55 Total Applications

61% faculty respondents say workload has decreased; only 40% students are aware of

Emily Wang/Staff Photographer Emily Wang/Staff Photographer

How has student anxiety changed over your time teaching?

HM has the most anxious student body I’ve ever worked with in my career.

I have had fewer and fewer conversations about grade stress from advisees and students as the years progress. Although it’s still an issue, I think the culture is moving to a better place overall.

The stress is a result of grade inflation. If the majority of our students are desperate to get an A- or an A, they are more likely to flip out when the grades have the letter B in them. We would be better off mandating a real range of grades to reflect the work we actually see. If students could earn B’s and even C’s and believe that those are acceptable, anxiety might decrease.

I’ve been seeing an incoherent combination of apathy in regard to in-class participation and homework completion paired with high anxiety around grades. I hope that students can see the clear connection between possibly lowering anxiety around grades and assessments by using class time to actively test their understanding. Asking questions and taking risks in class recreates could be compared to a low-stakes assessment: abundant and instantaneous feedback with no downside whatsoever.

I have seen a major uptick in students craving oneon-one meetings with teachers all the while not using class time to ask the questions that they do have. Teachers are always here to support our students, but this inclination to want questions answered privately when the student has already had access to an open Q&A session during class isn’t a healthy learning practice and seems to be a symptom of high anxiety rather than rooted in a genuine sense of inquiry.”

Students are CONSTANTLY talking and thinking about grades, how they are calculated and weighted. Both students and parents don’t seem to interpret grades as a way to reflect on how a student could improve but rather see good grades as something they are entitled to that has been taken away from them.

- Faculty responses from anon Record poll

anxiety has risen as well. Executive Director of College Counseling (CoCo) Canh Oxelson believes that much of students’ anxiety around grades stems from the inherent uncertainty of the college process, he said. “Because students don’t always know how and why colleges are making specific decisions they resort to looking at the things that they can see and understand, and you can see and understand grades.”

78% of student respondents expect A range grades; 70% cite college as reason for getting good grades

The inability to control many facets of the college process motivates some of Paley’s grade-related stress, she said. “It makes sense to try as hard as possible with grades, which we have some control over,” she said. “Then, no matter how it turns out, you know you learned a lot and did your best.”

Dwindling acceptance rates at selective colleges have caused students to become increasingly competitive with one another over a perception that there are limited spots at the universities that students are applying to. This perception increases anxiety about grades, as it leads them to believe that one mistake grade-wise will spell doom, Senior Associate Director of CoCo Kaitlin Howrigan said.

Conversations about college admissions around school have become more pervasive due to decreasing acceptance rates, Paley said. “I hear a lot of people talking about what specific admissions rates colleges have year by year and how they have changed,” she said.

However, the perception that there is no room for error is unfounded, Howrigan said. Prior to working at the school, Howrigan read New York City undergraduate applications for Harvard University. “Kids will come in and say ‘I heard that if I have one B+, I shouldn’t bother applying,’” she said. “But, if we [at Harvard] saw someone that we thought was really great, the idea that you have to be perfect across the board grade-wise wouldn’t have prevented us from admitting someone.”

Oxelson believes that students’ anxiety has been exacerbated by test-optional policies, he said. “Now you can’t rely on test scores to help you know why or why not a person was admitted to a particular college,” he said. “Because testing has gone away, it puts more of an emphasis on the other thing that we think we can control, which is grades.”

Volume 120 Editorial Board

Head of Design

Avani Khorana

Features

Vidhatrie Keetha

Ayesha Sen

A&E

Hannah Katzke

Allison Markman

Art Directors

Amira Dossani

Vivian Coraci

Sophia Liu

Beyond college, Levenstein has also noticed a negative pattern in the language that students use when discussing their grades, she said. Students often say ‘I have to get this grade,’ she said. “The language feels like [these students] cannot possibly admit the option of not meeting the goal that they had set for themselves,” Levenstein said. “And I think we are finding more and more students who seem to lack the kind of emotional resilience to experience that disappointment.”

While a grade-oriented culture has long existed at the school, Levenstein has noticed an upward trend in the number of students who have trouble “managing disappointment” when they receive a grade lower than they had hoped for, she said. “Where we used to have two or three kids in a grade who we knew would fall apart if they didn’t get the grades they wanted, we now have that in larger numbers.”

80% of student respondents say they care about their grades “a lot”

However, while students tend to view success in terms of grades and college admissions, faculty tends to evaluate students’ success with a long term lens, Casdin said. “[Faculty] think of students’ achievements in the long term — where are you when you’re 25, and how has a Horace Mann education helped you in your life?” he said. “But when you’re 16 or 17, it’s hard to see that — it seems like it is all about prestige and connections, rather than the actual thinking.”

UD Psychologist Dr. Ian Pervil has also noted a prevalence of grade-oriented mindsets, which can have detrimental effects on students’ mental and physical health, he said. “People become adherent to the idea that if I can get a certain grade or if I can do something in a particular way, then my future will be guaranteed,” he said. “[This] attitude, and others, can lead to negative impacts on our mental health in a multitude of ways – anxiety, anger, sadness, denial, and distortions among them.”

How would you describe the school’s academic stress?

There’s nothing they are going to be able to do, I think. It’s unfortunate from a mental health perspective, but it’s true. For part of the student body (including myself, probably), the pressure is entirely self inflicted- the kind of people HM attracts are those who push themselves.

I have seen no changes in the overall workload or academic stress. It seems to me as teachers and the school just consider the immense amounts of students stress as normal and expect them to get over it while students are crying in the halls and skipping class.

Testing weeks increase stress because have up to 6 assessments ain one week is more stressful than having them spread out. This is because it causes a lot of cramming, most students do not have the time to be studying for weeks up until testing weeks.

I expect to receive anything above an A-. An A- or below is not acceptable by my standard.

I’ve come to base a lot of my self worth and self confidence off my grades as they start to matter more for college.

There is a lot of social stigma with grades. Feeling as if you need to level up to everyone else can be stressful.

Regrettably, I tolerate only excellent grades, in the A range, which often translates to an unsustainable amount of work and effort put into letters on a sheet of paper.

I am OK with a B+ but I still feel subpar when that happens. I start to stress and calculate the next grade I need to raise my average.

Focusing on the grades rather than the process of getting there defeats the purpose of school, so I see grades as a way to assess whether I’m putting my true effort into the work.

Last Saturday, I sat down at 7am to study. My mom brought me lunch and dinner. When I needed to use the bathroom I put that thought aside till I finished the next sentence, then the next and the next. I studied without moving till 2, took a short bathroom break, then resumed till 11 when I passed out. This is not a one weekend thing but a vicious cycle that I am trapped in.

- Student responses from anon Record poll

All data from anonymous Record polls sent to students (with 132 responses) and faculty (with 37 responses).

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NYU legal professor Dr. Melissa Murray presents history of reproductive rights in UD assembly

of the forces in the political world that we see right now are more artificial or strategic than I had previously thought.”

With her approachable speaking style, Murray painted a detailed image of what the political climate surrounding abortion looked like in the past decades, Miller Harris (12) said. Her examples of lobbying groups and rights organizations were really interesting, he said. “As a STEM student, I am not crazily familiar with legal history, and Murray’s assembly made me think more deeply about topics I wouldn’t see in my average school day.”

It was evident Murray had an impact on students as they arrived at the D-period talkback session with tons of questions, Morales said. “You could tell the students were curious and grappling with the large questions Murray asked,” she said. Morales hopes students think about what it means for nine justices to be the ultimate arbiters of major political and social issues.

Dr. Melissa Murray, reproductive rights and justice law expert, spoke at this Tuesday’s Upper Division (UD) assembly about the history of reproductive justice in the United States. The assembly was this school year’s second installation of the History Department Speaker Series.

The department decided to invite Murray because she is an expert in the subject and an engaging speaker, History Department Chair Dr. Daniel Link said. Like the first Speaker Series, they met with advisors on March 1 to instruct them on how to prepare students for the assembly.

The department selected two readings for every advisory to discuss: an excerpt from Murray’s testimony before Congress for Justice Brett Kavanaugh’s Supreme Court Confirmation Hearing and a news article from The New York Times after Dobbs v. Jackson was overturned. “The goal is for students to have basic knowledge of what the speaker will talk about in advance so that they are not going in cold,” Morales said.

They also provided advisors with a guide for holding the discussion. It specified, “this conversation is not about your or your advisees’ feelings about abortion in America. This is meant to be analytical work.”

The topic of abortion can be equally hard to discuss for teachers as it is for students, Link said. “It is good for students to remember that advisors are human beings too, and they come into this with their own life experiences,” he said. “We see our job as being instructive as teachers and advisors, rather than as debate coaches.”

The conversation topics and guid-

ance were helpful in directing the advisory discussion, math teacher Charles Worrall said. Knowing that he did not have to be the expert in the room was also helpful, he said. If students asked questions, he could direct them to the readings.

Having an opinion-free discussion was a good decision, Reproductive Justice Coalition President Louise Kim (12) said. Advisories are composed of diverse groups of students who do not often have these types of political discussions, and may not be prepared to do so, they said. “Especially when you first approach an issue, I think it’s important to see it for what it is and then maybe an additional layer afterward, delving into the nuance and personal opinions.”

Other students disagreed. The lack of in-depth analytical conversation made the advisory prep less useful, Naomi Yaeger (11) said. “My advisory kinda saw it like a joke, and barely talked about the articles.”

On Tuesday, Murray took the stage after an introduction by Mumbi Johnson (12). Murray led the audience through the legal history of abortion, from Postmaster General Anthony Comstock lobbying for anti-vice laws in 1873 to the 2022 Dobbs v. Jackson decision that overturned Roe v. Wade. By keeping it modern with slang like “sus” and sarcastic references such as calling Ronald Raegan a “liberal swish,” Murray captivated the audience and even garnered some laughs.

The assembly resonated with many students, Kim said. She was struck by Murray’s explanation of the political timeline of abortion rights, explaining how it was actually Republicans, rather than the Democrats, who championed the pro-choice movement in the past. “A lot

“Now, we’re left with a question of whether politics and law are separate. The court has always insisted that it is outside of politics. The question I hope we'll think about more seriously today is, is that true? Has it ever been true? And can it ever be true going forward?”

“I learned that it’s not just about the freedom to abort, it’s also about the freedom that you should have over your body: wheather you want to keep the baby or not.”

- Evie Steinman (9)

“One thing that bothered me about the advisory preparation was that many advisors (including my own) said that ‘everything in the Murray article was facts’ and not an Op-Ed. Treating opinions as facts and giving students only one side of the argument prevents intellectually engaging discussion and is quite similar to indoctrination.”

-

Braden Queen

Spring sports training trips return post-Covid

Ava Lipsky Staff Writer

Spring sport training trips are returning this spring break after a threeyear hiatus due to COVID-19. The trips will take place from March 26 to March 31 in Orlando, Florida for all eight spring teams except Boys Varsity Tennis, who will train in Newport Beach, California.

Each sport will practice for two to four hours each day and play against schools from other states, Girls Varsity Softball Coach Ray Barile said. The softball team will match up against

Bergen Tech, Berkeley Carroll, and Jefferson Township and participate in a clinic with softball coach Cindy Corrado,

In addition to practicing, teams will have time to socialize at Universal Studios and Harry Potter World, movie nights, and parties. “There is a lot of camaraderie and team building when we’re not on the field,” Barile said.

Boys Varsity Lacrosse member Jackson Yoon (11) is especially excited to participate since it was canceled last year, he said. “It will be a great opportunity for the team to improve and get

ready for the upcoming season. I also think the warm weather will make practice more enjoyable.”

The Boys Varsity Golf Team hopes their extra practice will pay off, after a rough last year, team member Matteo Monti (11) said. “We’re all ready to get back into shape –– last year we had to play in the cold, which hindered the start of our season,” he said.

Some students, such as Boys Varsity Track member Menya Obia (10) hopes the trip will help him catch up on lost practice time, he said. “I’m looking forward to running more, getting more

(12)

fit, thickening my legs, and having fun with my team.”

Over in California, BVT will play against local schools, team member Josh Winiarsky (12) said. “These matches should help us find our rhythm and prepare for the season after break,” he said. “We have lots of new faces on the team, so it’ll be a great opportunity for everyone to get a sense of the com petition level we might face this season.”

“I left the talkback wondering how much of an impact my generation can have. While I understood her point that we should act preemptively, I wondered what she thought the best way to use our voices is besides voting.”

- Isabella Ciriello (11)

“I joked ‘brb, going to NYU law school’ after the assembly, but I don’t think it’s as much of a joke anymore... she really sold me on it.”

- Emily Wang (10)

Sophie Rukin Staff Writer

LEGAL LEGEND Dr. Melissa Murray presents to UD.

Sam Siegel/Photo Director

- Dr. Melissa Murray Courtesy of Barry Mason

Maeve Goldman Staff Writer

Announcing Trashketball 2023 Champions... WASTE.

THE LEADUP

As the players mounted the court––the 5-1 Bad News Berensons face to face with 5-1 Waste––the tension was palpable. Twelve years of near-victories for the Bad News Berensons and the past four months of tears, missed free throws, and generally trash play all culminated into one final question: who would be Trashketball champions?

The undisputed stars of the Crud league, what Waste lacks in history (and nepotism) they make up for in pure skill. “Our talent alone separates us from the rest of the league,” Waste team member Nicolas Wong (12) said. “Our team is stacked. It’s inevitable that someone’s gonna cook at any given time,” he said. “Be it me, Defensive God Luddy, Swiss Army Knife Bleichmar, Fastbreak Specialist Jerry, Sharpshooter Alexa, Paint Dominator Will CP, and the list goes on.”

The Bad News Berensons are fueled by one thing and one thing only: victory. “We’ve made the finals before but we have always lost,” Trashketball Commissioner (as well as co-captain of the Bad News Berensons, HM history teacher, and The Record’s very own faculty advisor) David Berenson said. “I have been so close to the promised land, I’ve just never stepped foot in it.” Ready for his court coronation, Berenson is certain that this year will be his year (although he probably says this every year), he said. “With so many beasts on the court, it is hard to imagine more of a dream team.”

Waste is shooting for a different type of history, Wong said. So busy that he couldn’t spare a second to give an interview, Waste Team Captain and “coach”

Kyle Vukhac (12 has transcended trash: crafting the best plays and substitutions, Wong said. All that’s left for Waste is the crown, he said. “It would solidify us as the best basketball team – not only in Trashketball, but in all of basketball history – to ever be created.”

While the Bad News Berenson’s chances at the championship have been met with doubt, the team thrives as the underdogs, Bad News Berensons co-captain Ariela Shuchman (12) said. “Everyone says there’s no way we are gonna win,” she said. “But we have the heart, passion, and fight: Waste may have the fancy dribblers but we have the determination,” she said. “I knew from the beginning that we could go all the way: it is magic whenever we step out on the court.”

With visions of cementing their legacy, the Bad News Berensons toiled in preparation, valuing sweet victory over testing week, Shuchman said. In grueling practices, the Bad News Berensons perfected their number one strategy: not basketball. In a series of special plays, including the top secret Omaha Strike 55, the Bad News Berensons planned their vicious fouling and trash talk, Shuchman said. “We aim to debilitate the defense both physically and mentally,” she said. “Our team ethos is: include everyone.”

For a team as disciplined and driven as the Bad News Berensons, mental preparation was as equally important as physical prowess, Berenson said. In a scene straight out of a Tom Brady documentary, members of the Bad News Berenson’s trained through mediation, deprivation tanks, and numerous cheese blintzes, he said. “I don’t know what’s next after we win the championship: we might negotiate a nuclear test ban or start a taco truck.”

Waste doesn’t need to rely on gimmicks or fancy plays to waste the Bad News Berenson’s final, Waste Team Captain Alexa Turtletaub (12) said. “Kyle drafted a great team so that’s our secret weapon,” she said. “Honestly I don’t really play much,” Turtletaub laughed, reminiscing about her three pointer against Defenders of the Liberal Arts.

Waste knows they are destined for Trashketball glory, the only question is to what degree will they decimate the Bad News Berensons, Wong said. “It’s been a cute little run for them, and quite frankly it’s been amazing to see,” he said. “But respectfully, I would be disappointed if they score more than 5. It’s gonna be light work.”

The final will undoubtedly be an emotional affair for everyone, Shuchman said. While post defeat it will be difficult for Waste to show their faces on and off the court for a couple months, Shuchman recommends they come to the game prepared with ice and tourniquets, she said. “There will obviously be some tears from Waste, but the Bad News Berensons will have some happy tears as well.”

They entered the court for trash, they left with treasure. After 40 minutes of treacherous play, Waste finally lifted the ceremonial Trashketball trashcan above their heads, triumphantly wasting the Bad News Berenson’s championship dreams 15-11.

At 3:25, Team Waste ambled into the Lower Gym flaunting neon pink jerseys, while the Bad News Berensons, keeping it classic, donned the team’s traditional (one might go so far as to say iconic) white and orange t-shirts with a bear on the front. “We don’t have everyone,” a Waste team member exclaimed. “Let’s go,” Bad News Berenson co-captain Berenson retorted. The whistle sounded: trash had commenced.

As the crowd fell silent, The Bad News Berensons began the first installment of a series of magnanimous trash talk. “Dribble, dribble, dribble,” the entire Bad News Berenson’s bench jeered. “Miss, miss, miss.”

At approximately 3:34, after nine minutes of flopped dunks and fading dreams, Waste finally broke through with Nicholas Wong (12) sinking the very first basket of the final. “oooooh,” the crowd cried. “Brick city bro!!!!”

Ready for redemption, the Bad News Berensons embraced the ball and bounded under the net. “Shoot it, shoot it,” the crowd screamed in excitement (the Bad News Berensons in fact did not shoot it). “That’s an airbnb,” Christine Tao (11) taunted from the sidelines.

After scoring two subsequent baskets, an awe inspiring layup and a prodigal two-pointer, the crowd stared in astonishment at team Waste. “That was an honest layup man,” an aspiring trahsketballer exclaimed with wonder from the sideline.

Finally, it was the moment the Bad News Berenson’s fandom had waited for. At 3:42, Wyatt Silverman (11) scored Bad News Berenson’s very first basket, bringing the light back into Berenson’s eyes.

Alas as quickly as victory came it was over, as a mere four seconds later — the clock still reading 3:42 — Wong scored another three pointer. “HE’S HOT,” the crowd screamed.

In a fit of revenge, the Bad News Berensons fouled Waste. As Jack Bleichmar (11) approached the foul line, Bad News Berenson’s co-captain Ariela Shuchman rubbed more salt in the gaping wound. “You suck, Jack.” The ball didn’t go in.

As the game intensified, the Bad News Berenson’s Gabe Jaffe (11) and Berenson (in what seems like a career high) scored two more buckets, bringing the game score to a hairsplitting 14-11.

“Ice in my veins,” Jaffe said in between consecutive high fives. “Oooooh,” the crowd was electric. The Bad News Berensons were back.

Just as visions of final victory flashed through players eyes, a scandal erupted on the court. With a career ending accusation, the Bad News Berensons exclaimed that Waste had too many players on the court. “1,2,3,4,5,” Bleimer emphatically counted in response. The game continued.

“THAT’S GAME!” In a court-shattering play, Jerry Zhou (11) sent the ball thrashing through the net. Waste had won.

Too devastated for words, the Bad News Berensons declined to interview, slinking from the lower gym in somber dismay.

“We always knew we would crush them,” Waste co-captain Alexa Turtletaub laughed, Trashketball merch in hand.

Alexa Turteltaub (12), Nick Wong (12), Jack Bleichmar (12), Jerry Zhou (11)

short-lived celebrations... and the winning shot

Famous last words by Mr. Berenson:

“I have been so close to the promised land, I’ve just never stepped foot in it.”

(Better luck next year, Bad News Berensons.)

Photos courtesy of Barry Mason and Emily Sun