DEAR INDY
Dear My Friend, the Smelly Girl,
VOLUME 44 ISSUE 08
DESIGN SAM STEWART
A few summers ago, my friend got very into wool. Wool sweaters, wool tops, wool socks. It worked for them! But then, summer came. The wool got sticky, their skin got sweaty. Locked deep within the hairs of their clothes was a must so potent it was as if the wool had come back alive, taking on the smell of an urban sheep. It was bad, in short. But I didn’t know what to do. You seem to be in the same position. If you say nothing, you keep on suffering. Even worse, everyone else will notice, and your friend will be naive in their stank. But if you do tell them, not only are you criticizing them, but you’re admitting that for a long time, you’ve been silent about their smell. Your friend will realize that for months you’ve been breathing through your mouth around them, and they didn’t even know they smelled bad! They probably thought they smelled good. Ngai laments the discontinuation of her favorite perfume called Dzing! With a peculiar description: “It smelled like a mixture of horse, leather, sawdust, cotton candy, popcorn, and poop.” Smell is subjective, to a certain degree, so criticizing your friend’s scent must be done with care. All you have to do to get around this quandary is lie a little bit. When you’re in a small space with them, say a car or a bedroom, start sniffing. Look around, confused. Smell your armpits. Then ask, “does something smell weird in here?” She’ll say no, since she’s obviously immune to grime. Then follow up, “do I smell weird?” She’ll smell you and say no. If she doesn’t say anything after, you might need to push it a bit more, with a “That’s weird…” At this point, if she has any social consciousness, she’ll smell herself. “Do I smell weird?” She’ll ask. You must be careful here: don’t be too enthusiastic, but you can’t be too polite either. With my wool-friend, I told them that they “probably just needed to do laundry.” You could tell her that maybe she should just get a better deodorant, or shower before she goes to bed. It’s important to offer concrete directives, both so that your friend will follow these instructions—do your laundry once a week, wear deodorant every day, you can never shower enough— and so that they won’t interpret your advice as a blanket condemnation of their behavior. Scent is a tricky thing. It is both always present and always an affront. It floats through the air, but we all have a different perception of it (chlorine lovers, I stand with you). I don’t believe your friend was waking up every morning, smelling herself, gagging, and going outside. Most likely, she had no issue with her aura. Scent, because it’s so intrinsic to our atmosphere, requires social intervention. You can be that olfactory critic for your friend, just make it clear that your judgment is a matter of aesthetics, not of moral character.
TEXT CECILIA BARRON
Spring is here, and my sinuses are infected. Every new bud, every blooming flower is a threat to my nose’s sensitivity. I take Claritin like a vitamin. I carry Kleenex in my back pocket. Neti Potting has become a hobby. This means I can barely smell, which is a shame, because there is so much out there to be smelled! Spring releases the burDear Indie, ied scents of last summer: the mulch getting shoveled into front yards, rubber tires on hot pavement, clothes wet from the rain. Sianne Ngai, cultural critic and general genius, writes in The Paris Review that “Smell really vexes the problem I know this sounds of aesthetics because it’s always a judgment. I smell something, I identify it, and it smells good or it’s not good.” crazy, but the othWe don’t happen upon smell, rather smell happens upon us. It’s the most democratic of the senses: some of us er day my boyfriend just like the smell of gasoline and however concerning that may be, we still let them into society! But democrasmelled suspiciously like cy, for better or worse, allows for free expression. And some of you seem to be finding out the costs of free Bath and Body Works. expression. What to smell and what not to smell, how to be smelled Neither of us wear perand how not to be smelled, these are the very specific, fume, mostly because he has Dear Indie, and perhaps unrelatable questions. a sensitivity to it. It made me wonder whether he was seeing The other day my favorite someone professor saw me smoking else. Is this reason enough to ask outside. I got embarrassed him if he’s cheating? I’m worried he’ll get mad so I looked away, but now that I don’t trust him. I’m wondering whether I should bring it up with them? The day Dear Love, before I knew I smelled suspicious Bath and Bath and Body Bandit in class, and I want to make it Body Bandit, clear that this isn’t a regular thing. Their opinion means a lot to me. If my boyfriend had a sensitive nose and smelled Love, like Bath and Body Works—a scent so A Smoking Student strong you can almost hear the neon storefront in the mall—I would be suspicious too. Those body sprays suffocated my high school bathroom; whether or not he’s cheating, it’s a triggering scent. I wouldn’t, though, lead with the question of his fidelity. Scent, while a powerful sense, is a faulty one. If you saw him cheating or heard him on the phone, you might have more of a case. As Ngai says in the same interview, smell is “relational and causes boundary confusions. Dear Smoking Student, Is it out there or is it in me? Well, if you’re smelling it, it’s both.” Are you sure this scent was on Why apologize? For all you know, your boyfriend? Are they think you look really cool. Just buy Dear Indie, you sure it wasn’t some perfume and avoid smoking in the that 14 year old middle of campus at noon. I have a friend who walked by who I love dearly, while you were but she just doesn’t talking? Are you sure it wasn’t released from the old high school sweater you were wearshower enough. Someing, buried down deep in a thread and coincidentally released when you hugged him? times I have to back Maybe your partner has been wondering why you’ve been smelling like a tweenager, too. away because she smells I know you’re sure it was him, with absolute certainty, and no doubts whatsoever. so strong. Is there any way I But your boyfriend, understandably, might question your sense of smell if it’s going to can bring this up with her? Both act as the judge and jury on your relationship. Instead, pose this question to him: “The for my sake and for hers, since I can other day, you smelled like strawberries, lipgloss, and pumpkin spice lattes liquified into tell other people have noticed. a perfume form, and I would like to know why.” Don’t jump to conclusions. Smell might be instinctual but that doesn’t mean it’s reliable. Love, Your Friend, the Smelly Girl
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