Issue 104 by The Independent Student Press

The Independent Issue # 104 i

Fort Lewis College News Magazine

Dec 19th, 2019

RENOVATION IN COOPER HALL

Dear Readers,

Editor’s Note

I can’t help but feel a bit sentimental as I write this for the last issue of the semester, as so much of our team is off to take new classes and discover their own unique passions. Some of us will return though, to continue working hands-on in the field we love. I’m excited to see where the rest of this academic year takes us, as we are working hard to develop The Independent to its greatest extent. One thing we struggle with in our newsroom is the tremendous turnover rate. As you can imagine, it is difficult to stick to the same elective-based credits through all of college, so we have a lot of students come and go. However, this is a typical occurrence in the real world of journalism, and it has been a great learning experience as an organization as a whole. Another thing we have found is that it is difficult to cover all the news we want to with such a small and busy staff. Picking up breaking news stories as a full time student is very challenging, as we are pushed to the absolute limit with our studies, not to mention if we need a job to pay the bills. This is why I remain so proud of the reporters who gave the Indy their all, and why we are always looking for new people to come join our team. Despite our small staff and high turnover rate, I’m still very proud of the work we have done since September. Nearly everyone has stepped into a new position; like me, the editor-in-chief; Benjamin Mandile, our managing editor and Paige Blankenbuehler, our advisor. Having Paige on our team has been both very exciting. She currently works as an associate editor for High Country News and is a Fort Lewis College alumni. Just like many of our reporters, she was first published in the Indy, and now she’s doing big things, by helping provide stories for the entire west side of the U.S. Paige has been a source of inspiration and hope for us, as we can look to her for advice and see how capable FLC students are of doing amazing things after we get our degrees. Speaking of degrees, oh man, I still have three semesters left, so if I’m getting sappy in my editor notes now, imagine how it will be my last semester (stay tuned for good news with an extra side of sap). Our managing editor, Ben has also been in incredible source of inspiration. No one has ever brought as much passion to the newsroom as he has. He’s now off to study journalism in New York City. No matter how bummed I am that he is leaving us behind, I couldn’t be more excited for him. FLC has been such an amazing stepping stone for so many people, I can’t wait to see where it takes the rest of us. As always, thanks for reading. You guys make this possible and we wouldn’t be able to grow without your support.

Coya Pair Editor in Chief

Cdpair@fortlweis.edu

Cover Photo by Lea Leggit

Anyone who is interested in providing feedback to The Independent can reach out through email (Cdpair@fortlweis.edu) Facebook (The Indepdent FLC) or Twitter (@flcindepdendent). If you are interested in providing feedback about specific departments, please visit theindyonline.com where you can find contact information for our departmental editors.

The Independent i

In This Issue Asbestos abatement reveals rotted sewer piping Taylor Hutchison 3-4

Seasonal Depression:

What it is and how to treat it Taylor Hutchison 5-6

Impeachment Bingo Charlotte Williams 7-8

Tenants rights to habitable conditions

Are Durango landlords abiding by Colorado law? Kim Cassels 9-10

Best of Durango

Local â&#x20AC;&#x153;Best ofâ&#x20AC;? Award recipients and happy hours Barbara Edwards

11-12

Thoughts from Behind the Counter Indy Staff 13

Asbestos abatement reveals rotted sewer piping: Cooper Hall renovations

he request for a fire sprinkler system was the beginning of a domino effect for Cooper Hall renovations.

Due to the amount of finishes that would have to be removed to install the fire sprinkler system, Student Housing and Conference Services decided to renovate the building, James Estelle, assistant director of student housing, said. Estelle said that they decided to renovate the building rather than build a new one because Cooper Hall holds the boiler that services all of the residential buildings on the west side of the campus. The boiler was installed as part of an energy performance contract project in 2012, Robert Lee, assistant director of Physical Plant Services, said. Before FCI Constructors, Inc. could start to renovate the building safely, American Technologies Inc. – an asbestos abatement

contractor – was hired, said Mark Gutt, manager of planning, design and construction of Physical Plant Services. Asbestos is an igneous crystalline rock that is mined, Jim Dickson, chemistry lecturer, said. “Asbestos is a natural mineral that is fibrous silicone oxide mineral,” Dickson said. “The fiber quality allows it to be a great insulator, and the fact that it is mostly silicone oxide allows it to be very heat resistant.” These properties made asbestos an attractive material for things like roof shingles. However, because it is a fibrous crystalline rock, particles may damage the respiratory system when inhaled, he said. Exposure to asbestos happens when it is disturbed, like demolition, he said. “As long as it’s just there, it's not an issue,” Dickson said. “It’s when you start sanding

it—you start remodeling.” Gutt said that starting in summer 2018, the ATI contractor worked to destroy material that may contain asbestos. This demolition revealed more asbestos above the existing ceiling—more than expected–extending the time needed to complete the task. To accommodate for this, FLC had to extend its contract with the contractor. The contractor proposed a price that the college felt was unfair, so the college decided not to extend their contract, he said. Alternatively, the college decided to go through the hiring process again and hired a new contractor to finish the asbestos abatement, he said.

The Independent i

MORE PROBLEMS UNFOLD Once the asbestos abatement was finished and FCI Constructors, Inc. was cleared to start, their plumbers found that the original sewer piping was rotted due to old age, Gutt said. Cullen Zion, project manager for FCI Constructors, Inc., said the original plan for the renovations was what he referred to as “an interior face lift” such as new drywall and paint. It did not plan for the new plumbing fixtures, water piping and sewer piping. Not all of the original sewer piping was rotted, but it was not up to code and had to be replaced regardless, Gutt said.

replaced the old lights in hopes of more efficient lighting, Estelle said. The building will also be more accessible for people with disabilities with the addition of accessible entrances and ramps. The sidewalk outside of Cooper Hall did not meet current Americans with Disabilities Act requirements, so contractors are making it more level, he said. Most of the furniture will be replaced, including the showers, carpets and vinyl flooring, he said.

The construction company spent the first year of the project working on the rotted sewer piping, removing the concrete slabs and replacing the underground piping. This unexpected challenge put them almost eight months behind schedule, Zion said. This summer, the construction company was able to start the original plan for the renovations, he said. On the east side of the building, the new drywall was finished and painters were able to start the last week of October, he said. The construction company continued to work on the west side of the building, where the new drywall was in progress.The following week, the painters moved to the west side of the building after the drywall was finished, he said. Zion said that he expects the substantial completion, or when residents can live in the space again, to be at the end of March 2020. The construction company will use the following month to touch up paint and other small tasks. He expects the renovations to be finished at the end of April 2020, as opposed to the original date of August 2019. Estelle said that after the renovations are finished, housing may schedule a few summer conferences in Cooper Hall just to test out the newly renovated building before residents arrive in Fall 2020. Other improvements to the building include a new heating, ventilation and air conditioning system, which is expected to improve ventilation, heating and cooling, and their efficiency. Light Emitting Diode lights also

During the 2018-2019 school year, students were placed in converted rooms due to overcrowding because of the Cooper Hall renovations. This year, Estelle said that there are still students living in these converted rooms, but that housing knew what to expect this year. “We let continuing students know early on that they might have to find other accommodations because we wanted to make sure we were going to have enough space for all of the first year and transfer students, “ Estelle said.

Taylor Hutchison

As the northern hemisphere starts to tilt away from the sun and the days become shorter, seasonal depressionâ&#x20AC;&#x201D;or seasonal affective disorder, may start to take hold of the mind.

SEASONAL DEPRESSION: WHAT IT IS AND HOW TO TREAT IT FIRST-HAND EXPERIENCE FROM A STUDENT 5

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was in kindergarten when I experienced anxiety and panic attacks for the first time. My mind was a battlefield, but my mother was a veteran of anxiety and knew how to help. In high school, the enemy was depression. I survived with the help of medication and therapy, but preferred other treatment. My experience taught me about my mental health, and I learned that a healthy lifestyle was the best remedy. I use this remedy to prevent depression relapse, like during fall and winter. Because of my history with mental health, I am at risk of seasonal affective disorder, or seasonal depression.

little evidence to support vitamin D supplements as an effective treatment, but there is evidence to support light therapy, according to NIMH.

In high school, I would drink coffee after coffee to stay up all night to study. I don’t know if caffeine was entirely to blame, but this was when my mental health was at its worst.

Wrona said that light therapy is common for people living in Alaska, who experience low exposure to light.

Like a healthy diet, exercise may also benefit students struggling with seasonal depression. Access to the Student Life Center is included in student fees, making it a resource for students to take advantage of.

As a Colorado native who has never set foot in a ski resort, I spend most of the fall and winter at home, not under the sun. To make up for my lack of exposure to light, I try to live a healthy lifestyle from the comfort of my home. Mindfulness and meditation are beneficial for mental health and may be practiced from home, but what do students who don’t know how to meditate do?

Group exercise, like yoga classes, are hosted at the Student Life Center at no additional cost to students. Yoga centers around the breath, and prepares the mind and body for meditation, making yoga my favorite option for when I want to better my mental health through exercise.

WHAT IS SEASONAL AFFECTIVE DISORDER? Seasonal affective disorder is not an official diagnosis but is major depression with a seasonal pattern, Megan Wrona, assistant professor of psychology at Fort Lewis College, said. According to the National Institute of Mental Health, symptoms of major depression include feeling depressed, having low energy, losing interest, thoughts of suicide, changes in sleep and changes in appetite or diet. Symptoms specific to the winter pattern of SAD include low energy, social withdrawal, hypersomnia, overeating and weight gain, according to NIMH. If you are female, are young, live far from the equator, have a family history of depression, or have depression, you may be at risk of SAD, according to NIMH. The causes of SAD are unknown, according to the NIMH.

TREATMENT There are many resources for students with seasonal depression to take advantage of, such as the Counseling Center, which offers students one intake session and four free counseling sessions a year, Wrona said. Low blood levels of vitamin D were found in people with seasonal depression due to insufficient dietary intake or insufficient exposure to sunlight, according to NIMH. There is

Amie Bryant, director and training coordinator of the Counseling Center, recommends guided meditation apps, and many are free and accessible to students. Meditation may be challenging, but mindfulness may be as simple as stopping to take a deep breath. When I pour a cup of tea, I practice mindfulness by noticing the smell or the sound as I fill my cup. Practicing mindfulness when eating or drinking may manifest as a healthy diet, like consuming caffeine and alcohol in moderation. Caffeine is a stimulant and can worsen anxiety, so coffee and energy drinks may have adverse effects for students. Alcohol, another favorite among students, is a depressant and can worsen depression.

Exercise works for me, but find what works for you. If exercise is not practical, start small— start with a shower or bath. I use small tasks like this to feel a sense of accomplishment. When small tasks feel big, I use gratitude to feel better. When my mental health was its worst and I could not get out of bed, I could list what I was grateful for. Maybe you’re grateful for your breath, or your eyes to read this. As we grow, we learn how to support our mental health. This process is difficult, and it can be easy to feel discouraged when one treatment does not work.You are not alone, and it is okay to ask for help, or further treatment.

Taylor Hutchison

IMPEACHMENT

Bingo

Polarization

President Donald Trump

Emoluments Clause

Hunter Biden

Judiciary Committee

Mitch McConnell

Rudy Giuliani

Marie Yovanovitch

Impeachment

Gordan Sondland

Fiona Hill

Subpoena

FREE

Burisma Holdings

Nancy Pelosi

Whistleblower

Obstruction

Intelligence Committee

Collusion

Bribery

Quid pro quo

Hearings

Michael Atkinson

Ukraine

President Volodymyr Zelensky

The Independent i

ot up-to-date on the latest news? You may know that the House Judiciary Committee has been holding impeachment hearings. Here are some common terms and phrases you may hear from your family over the holidays while the impeachment continues. Use this BINGO card to stay informed on what the heck everyone is talking about, or if you don’t want to get involved, sit back and play BINGO with yourself while you watch everyone around you argue as the country waits in eagerness to see the fate of our president.

B1- Polarization The growing political gap between Republicans and Democrats, limiting conversation and compromise. B2 - Mitch McConnell Republican Senate Majority Leader who sets the impeachment trial agenda in the Senate. B3 - Fiona Hill U.S. foreign affairs

specialist for Russia and European affairs who testified about her experiences working with Sondland regarding Ukraine.

B4 - Whistleblower An employ-

ee who alleges wrongdoing by his or her employer of the sort that violates public law or tends to injure a considerable number of people.

B5 - Quid pro quo Latin for “something for something.” An agreement of exchange. The military aid designated to Ukraine was already approved by congress, prior to the president withholding. The president went against something established by congress and that is what is being called into question. I1 - President Donald Trump A businessman who took office after the 2016 election. I2 - Rudy Giuliani Former mayor of

New York City who now serves as President Trump’s personal lawyer. He allegedly served as an unofficial envoy to Ukraine and is also undergoing a separate investigation.

I3 - Subpoena A judicially enforceable demand for records or testimony issued by a government authority which is authorized by some other provision of law to issue such process. I4 - Obstruction An act that “cor-

ruptly or by threats or force, or by any threatening letter or communication, influences, obstructs, or impedes, or endeavors to influence, obstruct, or impede, the due administration of justice,’’ according to Cornell Law.

I5 - Hearings As a part of an impeachment process, the congress conducts various forms of investigation which include hearings from a variety of witnesses, including but not limited to law professors with expertise on impeachable offenses, and individuals who might have information about the investigation. N1 - Emoluments Clause This clause in the Constitution generally prohibits federal officeholders from receiving any gift, payment or other thing of value from a foreign state or its rulers, officers or representatives. N2 - Marie Yovanovitch U.S Ambassador to Ukraine who has testified in both a closed-door hearing and a public hearing during this inquiry. N4 - Senate Intelligence Committee This committee is responsible for gathering all the evidence surrounding the inquiry to submit to the House Judiciary Committee for evaluation.

N5 - Michael Atkinson The Inspector General of the Intelligence Community as of May 17, 2018, whom the whistleblower filed their complaint with. G1 - Hunter Biden Former Vice President Joe Biden’s son, who was on the board of the Ukranian energy company Burisma Holdings from 2014-2019. This is the company Trump allegedly requested the Ukrainian government to publicly announce an investigation about news media. G2 - Impeachment The political process of charging and convicting a government official of treason, bribery, and or other high crimes and misdemeanors. G3 - Burisma Holdings The

Ukrainian energy company Hunter Biden was on the board for.

G4 - Collusion An agreement between two or more people to defraud a person of their rights or to obtain something that is prohibited by law with the purpose of obtaining something that they would not be able to get through legitimate judicial means. G5 - Ukraine A country which President Trump had a phone call with on which he allegedly withheld military aid in exchange for a public announcement. O1 - Judiciary Committee This committee reviews the evidence submitted by the House Intelligence Committee and determines which allegations are impeachable. They may report these offenses and the evidence to the House, who then vote on whether to impeach the president. If the House votes yes, it is then sent to the Senate for trial. Before a possible vote on impeachment, both committees will hold one or more public or closed door hearings. O2 - Gordan Sondland A former businessman who is now an American ambassador to the European Union was working in regards to Ukraine negotiations. Sondland has testified confirming there was a quid pro quo between President Trump and President Zelensky. O3 - Nancy Pelosi The 52nd Speaker of the House of Representatives who announced a formal impeachment inquiry. O4 - Bribery Offering an item of value to influence an offical’s power to do something. President Trump’s actions of offering aid in exchange for Ukraine to publicly announce an investigation is why he is being accused of bribery. O5 - President Volodymyr Zelensky President of Ukraine.

Charlotte Williams

Are Durango landlords abiding by Colorado law?

Tenants rights to habitable conditions T

hree individuals at Fort Lewis College said they have run into various issues with landlords concerning tenant rights regarding habitable conditions.

He sent an email Oct. 29 to his property management asking that four repairs be made, including mold, heating for air and water and putting locks on the windows, Kelly said.

According to Colorado State Law for tenants and landlords, habitable conditions include having heating, plumbing and gas fixtures in good working order, as well as having locks on windows and doors along with other standards to protect tenants’ health.

The property manager responded to Kelly’s email Oct. 30 that the issue with the heater had been repaired, and the mold would be painted with primer as soon as their handyman was available.

Kian Kelly, a sophomore environmental science major at FLC, tried to legally get out of his year- long lease —which started in August— at the end of October this year when he couldn’t handle some of the problems with heating and mold in his apartment, he said.

For the windows, the email from the property manager also included that they were damaged by other tenants and that Kelly’s lease states that the tenant accepts the property in its current condition and takes responsibility for any existing damage.

The apartment also didn’t have locking windows, Kelly said.

Sometimes though, “as is” isn’t enforceable, such as something that is in violation of Colorado law.

The Independent viewed and obtained Kelly’s emails with the property management company.

“A clause that says ‘as is’ in no way negates the landlord’s responsibilities under the warranty of habitability— at all,” said Lindsay

Marshall, Durango’s managing attorney for Colorado Legal Services. Even if a clause in a lease that states a tenant accepts that property “as is,” it does not limit that individual’s ability to take action under Colorado law, especially if it concerns things like mold, locks, working plumbing systems and heat, she said. “A landlord can’t contract around their legal obligation under the law to provide a habitable home,” Marshall said.

“A landlord can’t

contract around their legal obligation under the law to provide a habitable home.”

Lindsay Marshall Managing Attorney Colorado Legal Services

The Independent i The email from the property manager also stated the heating and plumbing company doing repairs at the property had not reported back about the problem with the hot water and would address the issue if it was confirmed by the owner. Kelly was able to find someone to take over his lease in early December, he said. He did not seek any legal advice because he could not afford to do so, he said. Another FLC student ran into multiple issues concerning the habitable conditions of her apartment, including having no locks on the windows, water damage and gas leaks, she said. This source requested to remain anonymous to avoid complicating her interactions with her property manager as she still lives on this property. She reported the issues to the property manager with the most concerning one being the smell of gas in early August this year, she said. A repairman came over to check the oven and CO2 detectors, she said. The property manager responded through email that the repairman said the oven was working fine and wasn’t leaking. The email also said he recommended cracking the kitchen window to help with ventilation. A week later, she could still smell gas and sent an email to the property manager asking for someone from the gas company to come check the oven, she said. The property manager responded by email the next day saying the only resolution at that point was to let her out of her lease as they were at the mercy of the owner for what they could pay for repairs. The property manager also said in the email that the problem was not going to get resolved to her expectations. She called the City of Durango a few days later about the smell of gas who directed her to Atmos. Atmos promptly came to the property where they found two gas leaks, one from the oven and the other from the heater, she said. The property manager emailed her on Aug. 22 reporting that with the city and

Atmos’s involvement, they felt the issue had been resolved and offered to let her out of her lease again.

She is still living at this property as it is currently the most affordable and convenient option for her living situation, she said.

She responded by email that while she was frustrated that she had to call the city in order for the gas leaks to be fixed, she did not want to terminate the end of her lease and requested to negotiate decreasing her rent or utilities.

Kristin Polens, director of disabilities at FLC, said she also ran into issues about 10 years ago when her 18-year-old son found an apartment on the north side of town that was managed at the time by the same property management company Kelly went through.

health.

The property manager didn’t not respond to her request to lower her monthly payments, she said. “It’s in a really good location, and it’s so cheap,” she said. “It’s the cheapest place I’ve lived in Durango.” The one-bedroom apartment is $950 a month and is very close to FLC, she said. She sought legal advice from a family attorney who advised her to thoroughly read Colorado’s landlord and tenant laws, she said.

Her son signed the lease with a friend for the two-bedroom property before the other tenants had moved out, she said. Polens came to check out the apartment and saw there was mold and mildew in the bathroom which had no ventilation, she said. The ceiling above the shower was also caving in from water damage in the unit above them, Polens said. “It was filthy,” she said. “It was not maintained.” Polens called the property manager to break the lease, who responded back that they wouldn’t let them out of the contract since there weren’t any serious health-related concerns with the property, she said. Polens told the property manager that she would seek legal action if they wouldn’t let her son out of the lease, and they allowed him out of the lease, she said. “I can’t imagine that students, or young adults whom are not as familiar would be able to navigate the system as effectively not knowing how to advocate, knowing what to look for, knowing what their rights are,” she said. Durango Legal Services usually has a few cases a year with college students who come in seeking legal advice concerning the habitable conditions of their homes, Marshall said. If someone qualifies, such as having a low income, they can quality for free legal advice the Colorado Legal Services program, she said. “Most students don’t necessarily have substantial assets or income, and so most of the time they’re eligible,” Marshall said. The property managers involved in these cases declined to comment for this story.

Kim Cassels

The Happiest HourS of Durango

W N

s E College

Off the Map Ska Brewing

Best Beer Selection/Best Brewery Mon 5:30-6:30 p.m., Thur 5-7 p.m. M: $10 - 1 Pint & 1 Hour of Yoga T: $4 Mainline Pints 18

17 12

5 13

HW 550

3 11

East 2nd Ave

7th St. East 3rd Ave

1. East by Southwest

Off the Map Nature’s Oasis

Best Health Food

Durango Joes

Best Coffee Shop

Homeslice Pizza

Best Pizza 3-6 p.m. and 8-10p.m. $1 off Local Beer $2 Coors Light/PBR $2 off Irish Whiskey

Best Asian Cuisine/Best Sushi 5-6 p.m. $2 Off Hot Sake Blends $2 Pinstripe Pints $2 Off Specialty Drinks $6 Sake Bombs $6 California Roll

2. Mutu’s

Best Italian Food 4-6 p.m. Bar and Lounge

3. Ore House

Best Steak 3-6 p.m. and 9-Close $4 Bartender’s Margarita $5 House Chardonnay $7.95 Steak Bites

4. El Moro Tavern

Best Sunday Brunch 3-6 p.m. and 10 p.m-Close $3 Well Drinks $4 Tallboys $4 Glass of Wine $1 off Appetizers

5. Four Leaves Winery Best Winery

9th St.

The results for Best of Durango have arrived. Here is the

The Independent i The Independent i

walkabout trip to find the best happy hour deals at the first place award winning local businesses. Other locations with acclaimed happy hours and have received second or third place awards are also listed to fulfill the adventure to downtown and surrounding areas. Best of Durango 2019 was launched by The Durango Herald and the winners were announced on Sept. 27.

Pop Sushi

Best Happy Hour 4:30-6 p.m.

Serious Texas Barbecue Best Barbeque

Zia Taqueria

Best Casual Dining/Best Fast Food

Nayarit Mexican Cuisine Best Mexican Food

Off the Map

HW 550 7 15

9th St.

main ave

11th St.

6. Ernieâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;s @ 11th Street station

Best Outdoor Dining 4-6 p.m. and 8-Midnight (4-6) $1 off Draft Beers and Cocktails (8-midnight) $6 Beer and a Shot

7. Eolus Bar and Dining Best Romantic Dinner 5-6 p.m. $4 Draft Beer, $7 Thai Tini $5 Glass of Tap Wine $7 Crispy Calamari $6 Pork Steamed Buns

8. The Bookcase and Barber

Best Bar/Pub, Best Cocktail

9. cream bean bery

Best Dessert / Best Ice Cream

10. Ken and Sues

Best Fine Dining / Best Restaurant

15. the irish embassy

4-7 p.m. $3 20 oz. Drafts, Wells and Wine

16. steamworks

11. 2nd Deli and Spirits Best Deli

3-6 p.m. & Thursdays $3 House Pints $1 off Well Drinks

12. Durango Dawg House

17. derailed pour house

Best Hot Dog

13. Cuckooâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;s Chicken House Best Hot Wings

14. Carver Brewing Co. 3-6 p.m. $3 Regular Pints $3.50 Premium Pints.

4 p.m.- Close Weekdays $1 off Draft Beer -Tuesday, Thursday, Saturday $2 off Sandwhiches - Monday $2 off Burgers -Tuesday and Thursday.

18. The Palace

3:30-6 p.m. $4.75 House Wine $5 Bloody Mary's and Margaritas 20% off all Appetizers

12 Resaerched by Barbara Edwards

Thoughts from Behind the Counter WORKING IN CUSTOMER SERVICE HAS ITS PERKS, BUT IT CAN ALSO BE SOUL CRUSHING. HERE’S SOME OF OUR STAFFER’S EXPERIENCES TO GIVE SOME INSIGHT ON WHAT IT’S LIKE BEHIND THE COUNTER. 1.

RETAIL:

You’re in the back of a dark, cold stockroom, processing clothes for hours. Your boss is breathing down your neck, and the same songs on repeat for hours. Finally, your boss calls you to the front to be a cashier. You see the light for the first time that day – everything is amazing until someone comes up to your counter with a return. They bring no tags, receipts, or any proof that it’s an item from our store. If you don’t have a receipt, I don’t have the patience.

I don’t think I actually asked about your divorce, sir, but I’m really sorry to hear about that.

I can understand your frustration, but that giftcard doesn’t apply to your purchase today, because it isn’t from this store.

RESTAURANT: 1.

It is Saturday night at six p.m. and you don’t have a reservation. Yes there are tables open, and they are RESERVED. You cannot sit at them. Remind me again how this is all my fault.

COFFEE:

Making me put 16 splendas in your drip for you is evil, I also don’t know what your incredibly vague finger signal is for how much cream you want. I know you’re tired, but you’re making me die a little inside by getting frustrated about the ratios being off, especially when you could have accommodated yourself to the cart of fixings conveniently waiting for you to ruin a perfectly good cup of joe.

Please don’t yell at me for not using sugar-free caramel in your 20 ounce breve. You are drinking approximately 18 ounces of cream. I really don’t think regular caramel is going to make much of a difference at this point.

I appreciate that you’re teaching your kid that he doesn’t need a plastic lid, yay for environmental consciousness. However, now there’s hot chocolate all over my floor and your kid is screaming as you mop up the mess with over 50 paper napkins. Something isn’t lining up.

dispensary:

CELLPHONE REPAIR: 1.

Warranty does not mean that if you break your screen immediately after you bring it in for me to repair, I will fix it again.

Water resistant is not synonymous withwaterproof. Please also tell me if you drop it in the toilet while you are doing your business. I have to touch your phone, remember?

HOTEL FRONT DESK: 1.

Yes, weed is legal in Colorado. No, you may not smoke it in the hotel. So, when you get caught later, please do not yell at me and accuse me of being a DEA agent.

I don’t care how old you are, or how long you’ve been smoking pot, I’m the one selling it to you. And no, I don’t have Blue Dream, and I don’t have Snoop Dog’s weed.

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