On Preaching and Ministry presented by The Jenkins Institute
Our lives have been marked by training in Christians schools and colleges from grade school to grad school we have been thankful for so many teachers and administrators who have influenced our preaching and ministry. So, anything we say from there forward is in light of an awareness of the work done there and not as a complaint against their important work. But in 4 short years of a liberal arts degree or in two years of a preacher training school there is so much that can’t be covered. Even if it could much of it the can only be learned by experience. This month’s ON has two features. Not only do we have some excellent writers who work on the topic What They Didn’t Teach Me In School, interspersed throughout ON are briefer pieces we’ve called “I Wish I’d Known.” We hope this month’s ON is a blessing to your life. If this is your first encounter with TJI or ON and you’d like a free subscription send your email address to TJI@TheJenkinsInstitute.com - from The Editors, Jeff & Dale TheJenkinsInstitute@gmail.com
I Wish I'd Known
Dale Jenkins, dale@edge.net I wish I’d known this work would be so frustrating. That after nearly 40 years of preaching practically every Sunday there would still be moments each week when I wonder what I’m doing, when I would question my effectiveness, when I would struggle with what to preach next, when I would wonder if I was going to be fired when I would kick myself for my own humanness, when I would wish I had a clue what I was doing, when I would cry tears for my own sin. I wish I’d known this work would be so fulfilling. That for 40 years of preaching practically every Sunday that would be moments in each week when I would feel loved beyond comprehension, when I would feel grace both vertically and horizontally, when I would feel like God and me could reach the world, when I would wonder why I get paid to do the greatest work in the world, when I would think “my job is to tell people the Good News of the unfathomable love of God, how neat is that?” when I would cry tears of joy.
Why You Want to Quit
By Josh Ketchum, jketchum@sevenoakschurchofchrist.com
It’s 9:30 on a Sunday night. You just got home after preaching twice, teaching class, making two visits, coordinating a meeting, and enjoying a church fellowship. It hits you; I have to do it all over again, because Sunday is coming. You want to quit! You are not alone in this feeling. In fact, here are five reasons that preachers want to quit: 1. Personal sin. You will experience times in life when you have failed God, the church, family, and others. This may be private or public sin, but it weighs heavily upon you. You feel unworthy and inadequate. How can you, a person with so many failures of your own, stand and tell others how to live? So, you feel like quitting.
2. Feeling unappreciated and not valued for your work. After the honeymoon of ministry with a church is over and the true ‘marriage’ begins you can feel neglected. You will wonder regularly if it is time for someone else to fill the pulpit. You will hear complaints and think “they” are all ready for you to leave. You will fill yourself full and preach a “powerful” sermon and receive no comments. You will think no one notices all that you are doing. You will feel alone, and like the monumental task of moving the church forward is up to you. You wonder if anyone understands or cares. So, you feel like quitting. 3. Struggles with the leadership. As a minister, so much of the success of your work is tied to your relationship with your elders. You want to work with them as a team, sharing the vision for the church’s growth and maturity. However, you will feel powerful emotions when they make decisions you don’t understand. You must fight to control yourself, when your opinion is ignored, while they give in to complaining Christians who do little for the church. You may feel your work is being sabotaged or roadblocked by poor leadership vision. Yet, they pay your salary and you are commanded to submit to them. So, you feel like quitting. 4. Your family will be affected by your work. Your kids are “preacher’s kids.” Your wife is a “preacher’s wife.” They have unreal expectations placed upon them because of your job. They will be expected to know more, do more, and be more. Yet, when they do, others are jealous, and they aren’t as celebrated as others. Your wife will carry your burdens because of her love. She will be mistreated, overlooked, and taken for granted. So, you feel like quitting. 5. You will be frustrated with the stress and burden of the daily grind. Ministry can be demanding with multiple lessons to do each week, administrative duties, and visits to make. You will start each week wanting to be proactive with a list of things to get accomplished. However, the needs of the church and the demands of others will mean you have to react to sudden expectations. You may even feel that the work you are doing each week isn’t the reason you got into preaching. You feel burned-out and overwhelmed. There is a lack of tangible accomplishments. You never are able to truly leave your work. You carry the burden of struggling marriages, rebellious teens, and fledgling Christians. So, you feel like quitting. These are reasons you will want to quit. I am sure there will be more. But they will be more than thoughtful reasons in an article; they will be powerful emotions. You will feel these in your heart. These feelings do not make you bad, wrong, or sinful. Wanting to quit puts you in good company. Many Biblical characters wanted to
quit. Consider the stories of Moses, Jeremiah, Elijah, Paul, and even our Lord in the garden of Gethsemane. But don’t quit!! Don’t let these emotions overpower your passion. Here are some reasons not to quit and some thoughts on overcoming these emotions: 1. Your work is the most important work in the world. The world is lost in sin, and like Paul, necessity is laid upon us to preach the gospel (1 Cor. 9:16). We are serving the Lord who was crucified for us. We work with the church that is the pillar and ground of the truth (1 Tim. 3:15). We must not get to feeling sorry for ourselves when our Lord told us we would be hated (John 17:14). We are called to deny ourselves and take up our cross (Mark 8:34-35). 2. You can control much of what you do daily. Make time to do what fulfills your heart. Spend extra time in study or determine to go spend time with people. Study with a prospect or mentor a new disciple. Pursue your dreams in ministry. Do something each week that connects with your passion. Set boundaries for your work and the time you give to it. Get away for a vacation with your family. Determine to exercise regularly and sleep the proper amount. Determine to control what you can control, and it will empower you. 3. You have brethren who love and support you. While some brethren may be disagreeable and take you for granted, don’t forget you are loved by so many too. You have brethren that are Christians because you preach. You have elders who support, defend, and understand what you do for the church. You have widow ladies who pray for you daily. You are loved! You have congregants who gather each week to hear a message from God delivered by you. When you become discouraged, look around and be thankful. Reach out to a fellow preacher and share your burdens, they are feeling similar burdens as you. It’s 9:30 on Sunday night. You are exhausted and feeling like a worn-out failure. You can’t think of going to sleep, with the cutting thoughts of the critic’s words reverberating in your mind. You wish you would have said this or not said that! What do you do? You pray, rest, find strength in your family, and you go to bed! You don’t quit! Another week of opportunity is before you. You follow David’s example and strengthen yourself in the Lord (1 Sam. 30:6). Sunday is coming and the Lord put you here to preach!
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What They Didn’t Teach me In School? • They Didn't Tell Me I'd Hear That! by Bryan McAlister, bryan@centervillechurchofchrist.org
The following paragraph is taken from the excellent “group sourced” work by Dale Jenkins, “The Ministers as Counselor” and is available in its entirety, along with other excellent resource articles at, TheJenkinsInstitute.com. (Was that the correct plug Dale?) When asked, “Why did you become a counselor?” I like to offer the borrowed answer, “Mainly for self-defense.” There’s more truth in that answer than levity. Many who come seeking the “counsel” of a minister do so because in the mind of the seeker, the one they call minister has some “special” insight into life, some unique perspective into problems. Ministers, by this (distorted) line of thinking, “ought” to make the best counselors. We don’t…at least not when we’re in “preaching” minister mode. When it comes to preaching, every word is carefully crafted, every sentence precisely parsed, and every point imperiously emphasized. When it comes to counseling most (all) of that gets in the way. Preaching lends itself to the protracted presentation. Counseling is best seen in concise cooperation with the one being counseled. A “counseling” minister steps out from behind the pulpit, sets aside the powerpoint remote, and while his heart is open to the moment and his ears are open to the meaning of what’s being said, his mouth is closed. Counseling is not about dispensing advice, but rather directing attention to the one who has come seeking counsel.
Preachers, for the most part, are preparers. The unexpected nature of every week still cannot halt the constant of time…Sunday’s coming! Thus, we prepare. We prepare sermons we cannot wait to preach; sermons we think about preaching but want the timing to be right, and sermons we need to preach, but the preparation of every word, each nuanced thought, perfectly crafted illustration, must be precise, or else, in our minds, the thing is still not ready to preach. Through any given week, this kind of preparation might come far too close to Sunday for our liking, but it’s still preparation. So it’s no surprise, that when the call comes from the broken, wounded, or hurting heart, we want to be prepared with something to help, to heal, and to have them assured we want so very badly for their circumstance of pain to be different. Sadly, that’s where our insistence on preparation has the potential to lead us astray. “He who answers a matter before he hears it, it is folly and shame to him” (Proverbs 18:13). Of these truths from Solomon’s inspired wisdom, perhaps this one captures the essence of what we face in ministry, particularly when we are called upon for counsel. Having preached “full-time” for the last two decades (praying God will permit many more), and having studied the human condition throughout my higher educational career and accumulating three degrees related to this field and finally earning a terminal degree in the field of counseling, I can safely say, they didn’t tell me I’d hear any of “that” either. Try as we might, there’s no amount of “predicting” that can prepare us for what a single soul can have need of sharing. More than anything else, studying the field of counseling did successfully equip me to be a better listener for those seeking such for their struggle. Prepare yourself to listen not to answer, you don’t yet know the question/ problem. Prepare yourself to direct. If this precious soul speak of harming self or someone else in some definitive way, have a ready list of local authorities and mental health agencies you can contact for support and help to insure their welfare. You’ll be glad (and they will too) you did. Ministers who have equipped themselves to preach the word are often approached by others to help them navigate their spiritual, emotional, and cognitive trials. As a result, they may feel unprepared to adequately meet the need which is brought to them. Although a variety of scenarios could be presented to you for your comparison, what I’m most interested in telling you is that whatever “it” is a person brings to lay before you, our Lord has given us some indication of our role in such matters.
When Jesus met a woman married five times and her current relationship was made known, I do not hear or gain the sense of His alarm, disgust, or even writing off this woman as a lost cause (see John 4:16-19). Reading the aforementioned passage, it’s almost as if I can hear an erie calm in the Master’s voice as He interacts with this woman. Likewise, on another occasion many who had followed Jesus for a time, having heard and struggled with some of His teachings, chose to no longer follow Him (John 6:66). That same erie calm seems to emanate from our Lord once more when He offered the words, “Do you want to go away also” (John 6:67)? To be the non-anxious presence in the room, when another may be confessing a terrible burden, disclosing a family secret, or revealing a shocking truth about their own life, can be a challenge to us, but can be an immense comfort to them. It’s this calm toward those who are in distress or even volatility, that can allow us a greater impact. Whether it was one with multiple marriages, someone demon possessed, or another who was hung up on their own wealth and possessions, Jesus showed an “unconditional positive regard” for the soul or souls standing in front of Him. We embody this concept through the wisdom of James, “Let every may be swift to hear, slow to speak, and slow to wrath” (James 1:19). What kind of problems will come through your door? As varied as the people who cross your path, so too will be the problems, and some will be more incredible than you could possibly conceive. Your heart will break watching how some lives entangle themselves in their own transgressions, sins, and iniquities. You’ll be thankful your life has not encountered some (many) of these issues. You’ll also ask (if you have not already) “How did I get myself into this, all I wanted to do was preach?” In asking that powerful question you’ll find your answer. Preaching is to the hearts of men, and the hearts of men are filled with eternity (Eccl 3:11), searching for answers. It’s good that they came to you with this burden you never expected to hear because all you ever wanted to do was preach. You may not know the answer to their burden, but you know Jesus, and every heart filled with eternity need to know Him.
WHAT THEY DIDN’T TEACH ME IN SCHOOL By James Hayes, jamesfhayes77@gmail.com
By the time I graduated from college 19 years ago, I thought I knew everything I needed to know about preaching. My Dad was a preacher, so I saw what the preaching life was like firsthand. Some of the best preachers in the brotherhood preached and lived within 45 minutes of my house. Men like Jim Bill McInteer, Marlin Connelly, and Ira North even knew my name, which I considered a tremendous privilege. It wasn’t until I started preaching every Sunday that I realized that preaching was much more than I assumed it was. First, my mentors never discussed how to manage expectations from members. They never told me about the members who would expect me to give them a precise hermeneutic of every verse of the Bible on my first day. They never mentioned that some members would expect me to hold their hand every time they sneezed. They didn’t say, “Watch out for the parking lot patrollers who will think you are lazy if your car is not in the parking lot of the church building every time they drive by.” It is easy for a preacher to become frustrated by the diversity of expectations within the membership of a congregation. Young preachers need to know that they cannot please everybody all the time. Just do your job and leave the job evaluation to the elders. Second, nobody told me how difficult it would be to preach to the same people week after week. After a few years, I started to think about all the illustrations that I couldn’t use anymore. I was out of stories. It was becoming harder and harder to remain fresh in my presentations. So, I started to take a mental note or an actual note of everything. I started finding text illustrations everywhere. A random comment somebody made at lunch might end up as the introduction to my next bulletin article. In other words, there is no beginning and no end to sermon preparation. Good preachers are constantly seeking new ways to reach the hearts and minds of the hearers. Remember, the people in the pews aren’t stupid or forgetful—they can smell a canned sermon from a mile away. Lastly, I wish somebody would’ve said that there would be a few members who would treat me like an apostle. I don’t know why I wouldn’t expect that since that is
the way (right or wrong) that I treated some of my preaching heroes. But every preacher has their “fans”—people who will love their preacher more than they love members of their own family. But the praises of men need to be put in their right place. It is not healthy to dwell on criticism…or praise. It is good to remember this adage: “You are never as bad as people say you are, and you’re never as good as people say you are.” Again, just do your job. Accept criticism with grace and accept praise with humility.
They Didn’t Tell Me Sundays Would Come So Quickly
How to Know What to Preach Next by Jeff A. Jenkins, jeffajenkins@gmail.com
Many years ago, an older preacher told me that every Sunday night as he walked to his car, he would begin thinking about the fact that in seven days he would be doing what he had just done, all over again. As a young preacher, that did not resonate with me. However, after preaching nearly Sunday for more than forty years, I understand fully what he meant.
One of the challenges of preaching is knowing what we should preach next. We are faced with the reality that Sunday rolls around every week, year after year. Another aspect of this reality is that we want to remain relevant and fresh in our preaching. Allow me to share just a few suggestions that might help. (1) Plan Your Preaching in Advance. One of the greatest pieces of advice I ever received was encouragement from my dear friend Billy Smith (who at the time was my teacher at FHU) to plan my preaching in advance. Shortly after beginning our first full time work, I begin taking a couple of days to plan a year’s worth of preaching. The idea was to get away from the office and focus entirely on planning sermon topics and themes. To this day, it is a tremendous help and it is a great stress reliever. Planned Preaching is good because it brings greater balance to our preaching, because it brings greater depth to our preaching, because it saves time, because it lowers stress, and because it places a greater emphasis on preaching. If you have never planned your preaching in advance, I want to strongly encourage you to give it a try. If you would like more suggestions on how to have a planning retreat and what should happen please feel free to contact me at the email address listed below. (2) Put Your Head and Your Heart in the Book. The number on resource for our preaching should always the Word of God. There is no substitute for study. There are times we must “lock ourselves away from the world so that we can focus on the Word.” The more we keep our head and heart in the Book, the more we will preach the whole counsel of God (Acts20:27). The more we keep our head and heart in the Book, the less we will be tempted to preach our own ideas. As we study the Word for years we might be surprised how much “preaching” material we will find. I vividly remember thinking in my first years of preaching, “how in the world will I
find enough material to preach?” My genuine thought today is, “how in the world will I live long enough to preach everything I’d like to preach?!” (3) Place Yourself in the Lives of People. As we spend time with “our people” and learn about their lives, along with our study, we will know what they need. Often times, as they learn to trust us, they’ll be glad to tell us what they need to hear from us. Spend time with people. Learn about their work, about their families, about their hobbies, about their fears, about their concerns, and about their joys. Of course, we don’t just preach to meet the needs of the people, but if our preaching of the Word doesn’t meet the needs of the people, we have forgotten what the purpose of the Good News!
(4) Pray About Your Preaching. Pray that God will bless you as you study His Word. Pray that you will have a clear mind as you spend time in with His Word. Pray that you will have the discernment to know what should be preached. Pray about the people who will listen to the preaching of the Word. Pray that they will have open hearts and open Bibles. Pray that they will listen with their ears and their hearts. Pray that they will learn how having the Lord in their lives and being faithful to Him will bring about radical transformation. Pray about your preaching. Pray that God will help you stand behind the Cross of Jesus and preach Him. Pray that He will help you get yourself out of the way so that He will shine. Pray that He will help you preach the Truth in love. Pray that He will be given the glory and praise for every good thing that happens through the proclamation of His Word!
Not Everybody Loves ME? (Learning to work with your adversaries) by Dale Jenkins, dale@edge.net
Me? I mean, what’s not to love? I’m always upbeat, encouraging, optimistic, I’m a virtual ray of sunshine. 200 (uhhh ‘ish) pound of pure joy. See, that’s the problem (not the 200+ pounds, that’s another problem), most all of us feel like we are lovable. We are shocked when we learn that someone doesn’t get us - see our good intentions - find us engaging - think our way is best. But I’m ahead of myself. I well remember the first time I learned someone didn’t like me. I was in 1st grade, her name was Lois, and she like Timmy, not me. It was a painful blow to a 6 year old’s ego. I also remember the letter I got (unsigned, of course) that said, “I like Melanie, it’s you I hate.” And the guy who offered to increase his contribution $500 a week if the elders would fire me (I told them to do it and we could split the money). And more recently the man who sent out an anonymous letter to the whole church asking them to contact the elders to have me removed. Yeah, he’s the same guy that a few weeks later I thought was coming at me with a gun to shoot me (that was the third time in my ministry I thought I was going to be shot). There, of course, have been others not so dramatic who haven’t liked me (oddly, two of the above three told me they loved me). I imagine you could add to my stories and probably even top them. It is and has always been a shocking reality that some folks don’t like the preacher. But I don’t figure any reading these stories could top Paul’s, beaten, stones, people preaching hoping to add to his prison sentence, left for dead, folks taking vows that they would not eat or drink till Paul was dead (2 Corinthians 11:24-25; Philippians 1:16; Acts 23:12). OR Christ’s who knew no sin, nor was deceit found in His mouth…but who was nonetheless crucified for what He preached (it’s the same thing we preach, that He is the Son of God). I used to think that Paul’s words in Romans 12, “If possible, so far as it depends on you, live peaceably with all” (vs 18) were only instructing us to strive to be people of peace. But, as with most of the Inspired text there’s more to it than one lesson. The underlying message here is that you will never be able to live peaceably with
everyone. There are those who try as you DO (as much as is in your power) you will never live at peace with. Some of those it is because they are enemies of all that you stand for, enemies of the grace of God. Others it is simply because they have for whatever reason become the self-appointed protagonist of the preacher. Still others have a hard time getting along with anyone. But I suspect I’ve probably not written a word so far that you did not know. So, let’s try to make some sense of this. Brother D and I were sitting in my office many years ago. Brother B had reared his ugly head again and done something or said something offensive to all around. It appeared he received some twisted joy in being the personal rainmaker on other people’s well-deserved parades. Brother D had been a previous preacher at the congregation I was with at the time. We were discussing how to mitigate his latest malice when it dawned on me. Brother D was over 80 years old and odds were he would die before too long. I looked across the desk and said: “You know B is gonna die before too long…and one of us is going to have to preach his funeral.” When I struggle with how to treat someone who I know doesn’t like me I think about a few things: 1. What I would say at their funeral. I try to think about the nice things I could remember about them if I were speaking at their service. 2. If they are a true first-rank jerk, chances are everyone around them, spouse, boss, kids, other church members, already know that and chances are further that if you were to preach their funeral and say THAT then you would also be considered (and probably would be, being) one too. I also try to remember here that they are probably hurting other people, often a patient, gentle spouse - so love them too. 3. I try to find out what made them difficult. I first heard Jeff say: “Hurt people, hurt people” back 35 years ago. It has stayed with me. 4. I try to filter what they say and or do through the filter of truth. There may be a reason they don’t like me. What might I have done or said? Is what they are saying relevant and valid. I heard Clay Scroggins say recently: “When there is something to blame there is nothing for me to work on.” I’m trying to be better. 5. I try to love them anyway. It is not my job to set everyone straight it is my job to speak truth in love. 6. I try to remember that I need to work with people who don’t like me. This is not about me or being popular or liked, it is about God’s Work and He can do
things that I can’t (duh). His work must be bigger and better than our petty differences, so as much as possible I will work with them. What sets our work apart from many jobs is that we have to work with and try to help improve and be around the folks who just don’t like us. 7. Finally, when all else fails I do everything within my power to distance myself from them. 
What I Wish I Had Known by D. L. DeBord, hispreacher@me.com
From as far back as I can remember, I have learned what I must do. I am increasingly thankful for the great teachers who have presented what the Lord doth require of me. This theme continued in my own preaching and teaching and it will continue to be a mainstay. Much of the Bible is written so that we may know how to live faithfully. 1 Timothy 3:15 tells us that the letter, and by implication the New Testament, is written so that we may know how to behave in the house of God which is the church of the living God. This isn't just about how to worship, we are always in the house of God--the church. We are the church and we should behave as such. One thing I wish I had known is a better understanding and appreciation of God’s sovereignty. Divine sovereignty is an effect caused by God’s essential characteristics of omnipotence and omniscience. Because God is all powerful and all knowing, all things are under his control. He made everything which can be seen from nothing. Everything which was made was subjected to him. The mountains quake before him and he restrains the sea saying here you shall go and no further. Christ is the creator of all things and the one who holds all things together (Colossians 1:17). Put simply--He’ got the whole world in his hands. This incredible truth has equally powerful applications. The sovereign God is the focus of time, space, Scripture, and all creation. I am not. What a powerful truth. Because God is sovereign: ● I should pray more. He is all powerful I am a weak nothing. I'll focus on his power and not my performance. ● I should preach more. Faith comes by hearing and hearing by the Word of Christ (Romans 10:17). Let God work through his Word. ● Of all the things on my schedule and list of goals, I need to realize the most powerful things I can do are to talk to God and talk for God. ● I am going to endure hardship as a good soldier of Jesus Christ and survive ministry burnout because I trust God is in control--He is sovereign--Romans 8:28.
â—? I am going to live a life of joy and peace because every day is given and governed by God. â—? I am not going to worry so much about the future. Instead I will pray Thy will be done and here am I, send me. Trusting the sovereign God does not eradicate personal responsibility (Deuteronomy 30:19; Joshua 24:15), rather it encourages people made in the image of God to yield to that God in order to praise him. Three young Jews once walked into a fiery furnace determined not to bow down to a false god. They carried with them a concrete faith in God who could deliver them, but even if he chose not to deliver them they would be faithful. What comfort they had in their confidence! One thing i wish i had known 12 years ago and one thing I understand better every day is that I serve the sovereign God. He is my confidence, my comfort, my purpose, my life, and my energy.
Behind The Scenes at the Funeral by Stephen A Bailey, s.bailey@cocbrownstreet.org
I remember the first time I attended a funeral. I was in the ninth grade and my grandfather died after 94 long years on this earth. Several of the grandsons were asked to serve as “pall bearers.” I said, “OK--what is a pall bearer?” I remember going directly to the dictionary and looked up the words. Here is what Webster says: Definition: “pall bearer:” a person helping to carry or officially escorting a coffin at a funeral. This was my introduction to funerals. Fast forward a few years to my college days where I studied to be a minister and learned very little about funerals, or delivering a eulogy. That is not totally the fault of the university because it simply was not in the curriculum at that time. I am sure more time is spent on this today for ministry preparation. Now in my 44th year, I know a lot more about funerals and how to conduct a service than I ever wanted to know. I know the “how to,” the “how not to,” and the “walk on eggs” procedure! A few details of lessons learned in the back room of the funeral home are (1) how to construct the detail of a funeral service, (2) helping the family plan a funeral service according to family wishes, (3) learning that funeral directors have their say
in certain aspects of the service, and those are usually based on traditions to the area of the country. First, I would like to mention, death is not a respecter of persons. The startling statistic of 2018 is this and the numbers do not lie: “1 out of 1” people will die. This of course bears in mind as Christians that The Lord may call us all home and we do not see death as most will on this earth. In that case, all funerals are cancelled that day! Won’t that be grand? Second, most people do not plan to die, much less plan their funeral services. This is where a ministers help is needed when death comes calling. I have seen the most logical and thorough people be caught “flat footed” when death took their loved one. This is to be expected and not a surprise. Stress debilitates when death occurs. As a minister, try your best to be patient with each family member and tell them you will help them through each step on this journey taking care of their loved one. Even the best of people sometimes get frustrated and lash out in an anger when death comes. Statement and questions such as, “What will I do now? She was everything to me…I will just be lost without him!” Why did she have to die now? Another may state, “I can’t believe he left me right now, at this time in our life when I needed him the most!” All of these are common and quite natural. I remember one woman telling me, “I don’t even know where the life insurance policy is located, my husband did everything for me! Oh my, what will I ever do?” She needed some reassurance and guidance. I went with her to the funeral home and with her through each and every step. That is just good ministry. From the hour a person dies and till that loved one is laid to rest, a minister may have to “hold the hands” of the widow or widower. It begins with a call. Your phone will ring early in the morning, late at night, or in the noon time, but that call will come. You take the call and listen to the brother or sister pour their heart out to you and you listen. Close the conversation with the assurance you will be over to the house as soon as you can get there. Be sure you go, and go then, not later. That entire family will remember your being there long after the burial is completed. They will remember you being with their mother or father.
Another of the “first steps” is helping to call the funeral home. Sometimes people do not have presence of mind of which funeral home to call. A “death” call is made and the funeral home sends one or two people to the location where the body is located at the time of death. This could be at the hospital, a nursing home, or the master bedroom. This is usually the first decision. It is a terribly hard thing to watch this take place. I suggest that you help the family to not witness all the details of taking their loved one from the bedroom, placed on the gurney, see the body strapped down for safe travel and removal from their home. It is a tough thing to witness. On the other hand, it is a perfect time to set up an appointment to return and discuss the impending funeral plans. Try then to gather the family, hold hands, cry together, and have a prayer. People do not understand that funeral homes usually are busy 365 days a year with numerous services. Death knows no schedule, and sometimes families are at the mercy of the funeral home, and the calendar. *Families can be tough on one another…and sometimes the preacher too. I’ve often stated, “funerals bring out the best of people and the absolute worst of people.” That is so true. Do not be shocked at what you learn in confidence, and never, I repeat, NEVER share that information with anyone. It is best left alone. Why harm the memory of a family who in their darkest of hours, lashed out in frustration and said something that normally they would never say or do? It is best to forget it, and take all of that to the grave with you. *Clothing? Most people have never thought about what clothing they would bury their mother in for a funeral. One of the things the funeral home will ask is for the family members to bring clothing to the funeral home. This is hard, but you can help with advice or ask a close friend to assist in this decision. I have always thought it is best to bury, or as the old folks used to say, “Put away a loved one” in the clothes or style they lived. The same goes for the choice of casket. “Never let your grief write a check that your wallet cannot cash” are wise words to live by. If you are close to the family you might even suggest these thoughts in a kind and helpful way when the time is appropriate. If the deceased is a wealthy person who “dressed to the max” in this life, that is the way they should be taken care of in death. However, if the deceased lived a very simple life style, worn out “Levis Jeans” or “Big Smith” overalls, that might help make decisions easier when the burial plans are being made. The key is to not let your emotions put the family in debt for the next ten to twenty years.
Families also need guidance in planning a memorial or funeral service. A Memorial service is conducted after the body has been cremated, or a private burial has already taken place with the immediate family and /or close friends. On the other hand, a full and complete funeral service takes place in one of several places: (1) a funeral home chapel or (2) in a Church building auditorium where the deceased attended worship services, (3) or the complete service is held at the graveside. It is a sad fact, but more and more people do not have a church home, and funeral services are conducted in a local funeral home more often than you would imagine. The family will need help and support in planning the service. The following items will need to be discussed: The number of songs used in the service; who will lead the songs, or will the songs be recorded. What is the ready availability of those songs? This takes more time than you would imagine in the planning. The participants in the service will need to be selected. Will the local minister conduct the service or someone in the family or both? Who will write the obituary for the funeral home website, and for the local newspaper? Will there be prayer leaders selected? Scripture readings selected and who will read those passages? Where will the final resting place of the body going to be located? Who will contact the cemetery for “opening the grave and closing the grave?� Many cemeteries are owed by the funeral home, some are owed by the City. I have learned in the last few years that some cemetery workers are members of a union and will only open and close a grave on Saturday for an extra fee. Most people do not think about these things when death is at the door. The minister can be a great solace in time of grief. Offer to pray, please offer several prayers over the days ahead. I encourage you to go back after the service is completed and pray again. God will comfort, but we need to ask God to help us in this difficult time. There are a many opportunities to help grieving family members. Today there are several pieces of literature for those left behind to read and be encouraged. I would suggest that your local congregation invest in some regular mailings to the home.
Perhaps a grief workshop once or twice year would be helpful. The holidays are difficult for those grieving. The empty chair at the dinner table, the first anniversary without a mate, the birthdays, Christmas Day and New Year’s Day are especially difficult. A congregation that loves and supports it members will reach out to comfort and serve each grieving member. At the congregation where I preach, early in January, we read the names of those who have passed away the previous year. Our auditorium is always quiet when the names and the deceased picture is projected on the screen. We pause and reflect for a few minutes about those who have gone on to their reward. Then following the reading, an elder then offers a prayer for those who are grieving. Let us not forget that not everyone grieves in the same way or on the same schedule. There is no set time to work through the death of a loved one.
 
I truly believe that one of the greatest ministries is caring for the families who experience a death in the family. May God bless you on this journey.
I WISH I HAD KNOWN HOW TO LISTEN by Tommy Haynes; thaynes@moorecentral.org
While in school we had a counseling course in which one of the books required was “The Awesome Power of The Listening Ear” by John Drakeford. It is a very good work and should have been helpful, but I was slow on the uptake. Listening does not come easy for the type A personality. In counseling I would always be too quick in giving advice. Later I learned that many people just needed someone to listen to them. When I applied this principle, it became apparent that most people would work out their own problem if I would just listen, giving sparse feedback. Most preachers like to talk. After all, it is what we do as our basic ministry in life. However, developing listening skills will help all of us do a better job, and be a better brother in God’s family. One of my best friends has always been good to ask questions about my life when we are visiting, and I am learning to do the same. In this way he ends up doing more listening than talking, and I go away from these precious visits feeling like I am important to him. He does it so naturally that it took me a few years to understand what he was doing. I hope that I have learned how to be a lot more like him, and make others know that they are important to my life by asking questions about their life, and listening to their replies. Listening is an acquired skill. Reading books on the subject will help, but the secret is to hush and let others speak. It is an act of love and fellowship!
I WISH I HAD KNOWN THIS… by Chris McCarley; cmccurley@oldhamlanechurch.com
I grew up Catholic. I would leave the Catholic Church when I was twenty-one years old. I traveled down a variety of spiritual paths, searching for something that I couldn’t quite put my finger on. Then, I met my wife. I started attending church with her and, immediately, I noticed a difference. There was a simplicity to the worship. There was a major emphasis on scripture. And there were people who didn’t know me, yet they loved me. At the age of twenty-four, I was baptized into Christ. At the time, I was fulfilling a life-long dream as the head basketball and baseball coach for a small high school in Arkansas. After four years of coaching, the opportunity to engage in ministry fell in my lap. I had only been a Christian for three years. To say that I was green or wet behind the ears would be a huge understatement. Nevertheless, I was given the opportunity to be a youth minister and I embraced it. That opportunity eventually led to the opportunity to preach. And here I am today living a life I never saw myself living. I get to wake up every morning and serve the Lord and His church. I have the amazing blessing of preaching God’s word, sharing the good news, and helping people become more like Jesus. Each day I drive to the office, I say a prayer, thanking God for putting me in this position and allowing me to serve Him in this capacity. I wish I had known how utterly magnificent and how incredibly rewarding preaching would be. I would have made it my life’s ambition long ago.
I WISH I HAD KNOWN THIS… by Keith Harris; keith@windsongchurch.org
Over the past twenty years of ministry, I have certainly learned my fair share of lessons. No doubt because, in the words of that great theologian, Yoda, “Much to learn I have.” Ministry has not always come easy to me, though I suspect I am no different than many in ministry, having a number of mentors whom I respect and lean on for guidance. But through all the course work I had, I was never told that it was okay to not have all the answers. Again, I understand I may be a little behind my peers intellectually, but I always felt this internal pressure to give an answer to any question that was asked. Admittedly (sad as it is), early in my ministry I would respond to a question, giving an answer as though I actually knew what I was talking about. The Lord knows I didn’t. I wish I had known it was alright to express that I really didn’t know the answer. I grew up listening to a wonderful preacher whom I thought knew everything there was to know about the Bible, God, and Christ. I never heard him say, “I don’t know the answer to that.” Maybe, in the back of my mind, I had convinced myself that the minister was required to have all the answers. So that internal pressure often drove me to be intellectually dishonest. I wish I had known that admitting to a lack of knowledge regarding a particular question was not implying that I was less of a minister, but in reality, showing that I was willing to make myself vulnerable in an effort to be intellectually honest with the congregation. Thankfully, that too is a lesson I have learned.
I Wish I Had Known It Is Not about Me by Drew Kizer, drew.kizer@arcoc.com
When I started my first work as a gospel preacher, I was excited about being able to devote all of my time to the work of the kingdom. I was happy that I had finally reached my goal to find a career in which I could help others. I was eager for the opportunity to preach on a regular basis and spend more time in God’s Word. But if I’m being honest, I was also excited to be in the limelight. As a preacher, I could be the center of attention, or so I thought. My mentors and teachers taught me how to study the Bible and develop an exposition of the Scriptures. They taught me respect for God and his Word. They taught me how to prepare and deliver sermons and how to make a visit and conduct weddings and funerals. But if they taught me how unimportant I really am, I was not listening. I wish someone had taken me in a shoulder grab, looked me in the eyes, and told me, “It is not about you!” Self-promotion is a destructive path, a warning Jesus frequently issued to the Pharisees. True honor is found at the end of the path of humility (Matthew 23:12). Jesus’ power in influencing others came through sacrifice, not the exercise of forceful authority (Matthew 20:25-28). It’s God’s kingdom, after all, and if the kingdom depends entirely upon you, what will become of it after you are gone? (James 4:14). As leaders of God’s people, we preachers need to prepare the church for the time after our departure. If the apostle Paul was expendable enough to do this, so are we (Acts 20:28-30; 2 Timothy 2:2; 4:6-8). Alan Loy McGinnis said, “There is no more noble occupation in the world than to assist another human being – to help someone succeed.” In helping others succeed, we prepare for the future, a future in which we will not be present. Of course, all of us are important to God (Psalm 8:3-5). In him we receive our true worth. If we must boast, let us boast in the Lord (1 Corinthians 1:31). The shadow of the cross is the only place any of us will find any value.
Before They Say, “I Do” by Adam Faughn, adfaughn@gmail.com
“He’s the best.” “She’s the one.” “We just love each other.” If you hear those things, have your phone nearby. You are probably about to get a text or call from that couple, and you might want to go ahead and get your best suit dry cleaned. If you are a preacher, couples are going to ask you to perform their wedding ceremony. Couples will also ask you from time-to-time to help with premarital counseling. Even if you do not have a degree in counseling, this is one type of counseling work you will be asked to do, and you need to take extremely seriously. I firmly believe that every preacher should have some rules about weddings he will/ will not perform, but also that he have some basic counseling “talking points” that he makes certain to walk through, especially with a younger couple. While your list may be different from mine, here are some things I always strive to follow when I am asked to be involved with a wedding and/or premarital counseling. When it comes to a couple asking me to perform the ceremony, here are three things I do my best to follow. First, I will not perform a ceremony unless a couple has Christian premarital counseling. (My one exception to this is an older couple where both people are faithful to the Lord and are obviously getting married for companionship in their senior years. They should be counseling me about marriage!). The counseling does not have to be done by me, but it must be with a preacher or Christian counselor I know and trust. Second, I reserve the right—and the couple knows this—to not perform the ceremony if I feel something is amiss. This is stated up front, and while it may be a very awkward part of the conversation, it shows the couple that you are taking this seriously.
Third, I will not perform a ceremony if one or both of the couple is not a New Testament Christian. Additionally, if one is a Christian and the other is not, I will not perform the ceremony if the non-Christian is not willing to study the Bible with me before the ceremony. I do not require that they convert, just to “get through the ceremony,” but if they are not willing to at least study, that should be a major red flag! When a couple—especially a younger couple—comes to me for premarital counseling, I try to do two major things. We meet for at least three sessions, with each session lasting anywhere from 90 minutes to two hours. In those sessions, we try to discuss two major subjects. The Biblical Picture of Marriage. We spend a lot of time in Ephesians 5 (and elsewhere) talking about how marriage is supposed to picture Christ and the church. We discuss, very frankly, what it means for a man to love like Christ and be willing to lay down his life for her. We discuss, very frankly, why God would command a wife to “respect her husband.” While I do not accomplish this each time, I try not to make this a sermon, but a true discussion with an open Bible. However, I do remind the couple—a number of times—that their marriage will reflect how the world sees the church. One beautiful description I have adapted from John Piper’s book This Momentary Marriage is that a Christian marriage should take the vertical light that God shines into the world and bend it horizontally to a watching world. The Leading Causes of Divorce. Studies indicate that a large percentage of marriages break up over just a handful of subjects. Among those issues are money, religion, in-laws, children, and sex. While each of these is a huge subject on its own, there is time to dive into each of them Biblically and practically in counseling. (When it comes to sexuality, be brief but honest. Do not counsel the woman alone on this subject!) Throughout the sessions, please continue to press this one point: we are not trying to get you to just “stay together” and not divorce, but if you can agree on these areas, you will agree on many more areas, as well. Between sessions, I typically require simple, but conversation-starting homework. My favorite is to require the couple to write out two different household budgets, one with a fairly small income and one with a most substantial (think middle- or upper-middle-class) income. The key is to get the couple to talk with you through
why they wrote down what they did. It will give you great insight of things you need to talk about in your counseling with them. The last suggestion I would make for both the counseling and the ceremony is this: bathe the couple in prayer (cf. 1 Thess. 5:17). Spend a lot of time in prayer for them, but also with them. Show them that you are thinking first and foremost not just about their marriage, but about their souls. Pray specifically with them. Pray openly with them. If you are blessed to perform their ceremony, pray during the ceremony, or make sure there are prayers said throughout the ceremony. Before the couple says, “I do,� I believe our work should be to encourage them to look past the wedding day and see a Christ-like and life-long commitment that is meant to honor the Lord.
I Wish I Had Known This… by Reed Swindle, reed@footestreetcoc.org
1. Be careful with the words “better” and “best”! When I got out of college, I was ready! I wanted to help the church! Things started off great. After a great Spring Retreat, in my excitement, I stood up on Sunday evening to give the congregation a quick report on how great our retreat was. I didn’t mean any disrespect. I said “this was THE BEST retreat we have ever had! We had BETTER numbers than we have ever had.” Those good people who had worked so hard to build that program were sitting in the pews feeling a little disrespected by a young guy who meant well but thought he was BETTER than them. Always show respect for the people who have worked ahead of you. Sometimes we might be “drinking from wells we did not dig (Deut 6:11).” 2. Always Do What You Think Is Best There are so many judgment calls in ministry. It is easy to find yourself being defensive when someone wants to discuss a decision you made. I wish I had learned earlier to do these three things. 1. Do what you think is best (based on experience and perspective) 2. Listen (They may be kind or mad, but listen to them) 3. Do what you think is best. (This may mean apologizing, going with the advice offered or changing something. It may also include doing exactly what you have been doing!) 3. If you work hard and love people, God and His people will take care of you. I have learned that if I make mistakes with a good conscience, fix them when I become aware and learn from them, God and His people will take care of me. People want to like ministers. People want them to do well. People want them to succeed. They want to be a part of the conversation at work or school when religion comes up. They want to be proud of their ministers. 4. Spending more time with your family does not mean work less.
In school I heard how the brethren will work you to death if you will let them. I have heard that you have to make time for yourself and your family. However, it seems to be easy to swing the other way. Ministry has a “job” aspect to it. If I don’t want to accept that, I might try not accepting the check they are paying me for doing it. Carry the responsibility of ministry very carefully!
When The Month is Too Long For the Money by Dale Hubbert, dalehubbert@gmail.com
One of the more depressing and discouraging events is when our money runs out before the month runs out. There are still bills and expenses but no money to pay them. Have you been there? Even more emotionally draining is when it happens again and again and even becomes the norm rather than the exception. How is it that we can be successful in proclaiming the gospel but struggle with financial responsibility?
It happens more often than you think and to more people than you imagine. The problem is easily observed and does not require a detailed description. What is the answer? How can we avoid the pitfall of the month lasting longer than the money? God has given us the responsibility and call to be good stewards (1 Cor 4:2). He has promised to meet our needs (Matt 6:33) not necessarily all our wants. The handling and interchange of money for needed and desire goods and services will likely never go away. It then behooves us to give time, attention, and prayer to our financial situation. A good place to start is in the area of planning. Sometimes referred to as budgeting it brings to our attention the fact that we are all on a “limited” income. It will vary from family to family but most of us know maybe even to the penny how much we have to work with each month. We then should plan the release of our money accordingly. Where do we start in budgeting? Always “pay” God first and generously (2 Cor 9:6-7). Pay yourself second by having a system where you are saving and putting something back for retirement and unexpected expenses. Make sure you have your taxes taken care of. Make sure you have adequate life and health insurance as well as insurance that covers your property and automobiles. Have some money for enjoyment. From every dollar earned or received it is good to save some, spend some, and share some. Preparing a budget is a key tool to keep the month from lasting longer than your money. Staying within the budget will probably be a lifetime battle and struggle. It is like patience and comes easier for some than others but it is not natural for any. Prices go up, children come along, accidents happen, and the list goes on. It will take discipline and some form of tracking to stay on budget and on course. Some weeks and months will require more adjustments than others. Bologna sandwiches will sometimes have to replace sirloin steaks. It will not take care of itself but you can do it! An emergency fund is critical. Some call it a savings fund but whatever the name it serves in a vital role and will be a blessing when you least expect it. The washing machine quits. That was not in the budget. The car breaks down. That was not in the budget. An unexpected root canal that was not covered by insurance was not in the budget. The emergency fund exists for these and many other things that are not a part of our normal monthly bills and expenses. It is recommended that you keep
between three and nine months of expenses on hand. This will reduce stress greatly when the unexpected occurs. It will provide a great cushion if the elders or leaders decide to make a change in the pulpit with little or no warning or severance pay. If you don’t have an emergency fund or have an inadequate one start immediately to remedy that situation. If you are married be sure your spouse is on board. They need to have input in the budget process and be involved with the tracking and monitoring each month. It is no secret that financial problems cause great stress in the home and preacher’s and church leader’s families are not exempt. Your wife when involved will be of great value and help when money is running low and there is still more month ahead. Our finances and money should be a blessing not a burden. It requires continual attention and maintenance. Please don’t underestimate the time, effort, sacrifice, and discipline that will be necessary ongoing to be good stewards as God expects. If your outgo exceeds your income then your upkeep will be your downfall. Give serious time, energy, and prayer to this matter. God is faithful in all things and He certainly will be faithful to help in this area.
The Treasure In The “Trash” by Andy Connelly, aconnelly@worldchristian.org
It is a time-tested expression. “One man’s trash is another man’s treasure.” We see it on Saturday morning in towns all across America, where the “garage sale” is part of the fabric of our communities. Have you ever thought about this as an analogy in preaching? Because of what scripture says even about itself, maybe we should. Imagine that Sunday pulpit time is almost here, and on Saturday night, you fear it won’t be your best effort. There is no time to start over. You have to run with what you have ready. As you wrap up Sunday’s lesson, you don’t expect compliments of tremendous impact upon the congregation’s members. However, on the way out, you receive several comments about the enjoyment and impact of the lesson and think, “Really?”
If only I had considered and accepted this truth earlier, I may have saved myself unnecessary stress and rested easier on some Saturday nights in those earlier years of preaching. We never know all the situations and needs in the pew each Sunday, but our God knows. Remember, the word of God is living and active, and it is sharper than any two-edged sword (Hebrews 4:12). We preach the word, and it has impact. I sure am thankful for those comments at the back door, reminding me of what scripture said much earlier, that in sticking with the text, there is treasure in what we almost threw in the trash.
Maintaining Your Schedule And Your Sanity by Neal Pollard, nealp@bearvalleycofc.org
Time management is one of the most important skills (disciplines) that a preacher can develop to maximize his productivity and effectiveness. It is extremely easy to squander large blocks of time and on a regular basis, but it leads to a life of regret and missed opportunity. A lack of time management also leads to a perpetual feeling of frenzy, as deadlines continue to approach and overwhelm the illprepared, undisciplined minister. Getting a hold of one’s time and being a good steward of it allows us to face our responsibilities with joy and not grief. The Bible urges us to properly spend this irretrievable resource (cf. Eph. 5:16; Col. 4:5; Prov. 27:1; etc.). God had a plan for the exiles of Judah (Jer. 29:11), and He can execute His plan more fully through good time managers. Fulfilling our ministry necessitates wise usage of time (cf. 2 Tim. 4:5). The following are some suggestions to help us maintain our schedules and, thereby, retain our sanity. There Are Three Parts To Every Day The late Wendell Winkler always preached to his students that there are three parts to every day—morning, afternoon, and evening. He counseled us not to work in all three parts of the day. If ministry has us out late, adjust the next day by coming in late or leaving early to take on the day’s tasks. This will help us balance work and home life, avoiding resentment in our families, burnout in ourselves, and workaholism in our ethic. Write It Down Write a to-do list at the beginning of each week, spending time reflecting about the items to put on that list. Feel free to add items as you think of them or as they get added to that list. Realize that the prioritization of that list is ever-changing (a death in congregation or you start a personal Bible study with someone). Include appointments and tasks you've volunteered (or been volunteered) to do. Organize your tasks by day. For example: •Write letters to visitors, members, etc., on Mondays •Visit on Tuesdays and Thursdays •File articles, sermons, correspondence, on Tuesdays •Schedule Bible studies for Mondays or Thursdays •Elders meetings on Thursdays
•Write articles on Wednesdays •Do specialized studies (premillennialism, baptism, etc.) on Wednesdays Mark these items off as you accomplish them, making it a “to do” list. Have a way to measure how much time is spent on the items on your schedule. Use the schedule to keep you balanced in the use of your time. Be in the habit of "writing it down.” When ideas, tasks, needs arise for local work, don't hesitate--write it down! This will also give us a way of demonstrating to leaders and even disgruntled members how we are using our time, if they ever inquire into that. There is peace of mind in this, even if “writing it down” means storing it electronically. Be As Comprehensive As You Can Focus on personal goals. Focus on subgroup activities (singles, youth, divorcees, elderly). Focus on congregational activities (visiting, counseling, hospitality). Focus on brotherhood activities (articles for publication, speaking assignments). Focus on community activities (benevolence, evangelism). Construct the schedule keeping in mind regular, recurring tasks (for me, that includes daily bread email, chapel, lectureship preparation, Future Preachers Training Camp preparation, TV program, and the like, as well as sermons, Bible classes, etc.). Don’t Bite Off More Than You Can Chew We can frustrate ourselves through over-ambition and actually accomplish less! Know your limitations and capabilities--most of us can't knock out 15 things per day. Do as much as you can do, productively, in a day, then leave off knowing you have done your best. Tomorrow will provide more time to continue the work, if the Lord wills. With this, focus on one thing at a time. If we're not careful, we can spread ourselves out with 3 or 4 open projects. Often, this approach will cause us to do less overall when the day is done. Stop and take a break when your work becomes unproductive. Going to the rest room, getting a drink of water, walking around, or like for a few minutes can recharge your batteries. Adjust your schedule to allow for your most and least productive times. My most productive time to study is the morning, especially 8 AM until about noon. I'm less productive in midafternoon, so I will choose that time to schedule counseling, visits, and other work away from my desk. This is far from exhaustive, but principles like these can help us get a handle on our time. To be a master rather than a slave of time makes all the difference in the peace of mind we feel when the day, week, year, and life is through.
I Wish I Had Known what a Hobby Horse Looked Like by Anthony Warnes, anthony@westhillchurchofchrist.org
I heard many times (even at preaching school) to stay away from Hobby Horses. Yet I quickly found as a young preacher that finding, feeding and riding a Hobby Horse is astonishingly easy and that often those Horses camouflage very well to the one riding it (while sticking out like sore thumb to the audience). My Horse was named Politics. As a young preacher in my early twenties, I thought I was just a man of God that wanted to see the wickedness of such things as abortion and homosexuality go away. I wanted to help this sinful world. I thought offering the blood of Christ, alongside a portion of my political preference was needed. I remember one particular month leading up to an election, that my Horse and I really became acquainted with one another. Social media was where I grazed my horse and I even preached a few sermons on politics. I was invited to speak at a Preacher’s Luncheon, so what did I speak on? “How to talk about the election from the pulpit.” Boy, did I do my research. I found out how far I could legally talk about candidates and issues from the pulpit, I passed out that information to encourage my fellow preachers, I was proclaiming the “truth!” Sadly, I never saved a baby or helped a homosexual repent while in the saddle. Instead, I hurt people. I created walls that made it hard to introduce the blood of Christ to the lost. I got into arguments (publicly on social media) with fellow Christians that I did not 100% agree with their political view. I was starting to lose any effectiveness I had for the Kingdom. It was time to put my Horse out to pasture. I needed to remember that no politician has the power to save souls and that our citizenship is in heaven, not the USA. Preachers, maybe your Hobby Horse is a different color than mine. Does it edify, or does It drive apart? Does it teach the truth, or does it teach your preference?
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