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From the front line…

Take care everyone, for none of us know what tomorrow will bring!

BY JACQUELINE CURZON

It is with immense sadness that I report to my readers that once again as a family we are in a state of flux, for on erev Rosh Hashana my dear mother-in-law, Lily Curzon (93), was niftar.

Lily had a jolly personality, and was quite distinctive at her height of 4' 11. Whatever she may have lacked in stature, she more than made up for with her convivial personality and hearty laugh. Her early life was not easy, for her father Max Matties, of Russian extraction, had died before she was born. Her mother married secondly - Solomon Levy, a widower, whereupon she and her daughter took his surname. Unsurprisingly, given her father's untimely demise, Lily was an only child, and when her stepfather and mother died from cardiac issues a few years later, she was still only a teenager and was then brought up in the care of her maternal grandmother in the East end of London. All of this we only found out after her passing as, for whatever reason, she would not be drawn on the subject. In the final few years she had advancing dementia, which hampered any ability to share details with family, even if she had wanted to. As a young lady, she travelled across Europe in the 1940s and 50s, with groups of friends, visiting Switzerland,

France and Spain. Back in London she was introduced to Graham Curzon {born Gert Katzenstein}, from Eschwege Germany, who had arrived in London in 1939 under the aegis of the Kindertransport; they got along well and were married in 1954. They began their married life in Cricklewood, where they had their first son - Julian {my husband}, and after moving to the relative outpost of New Barnet, with its brand new Jewish community, they had another son Adrian, who completed the family. Thus began a 'motorbike love story' for the Curzon men at least. Lily had apparently travelled pillion on a bike previously with Graham, and on one occasion the bike wheels got stuck in a tram track, causing the motorbike to stop violently, and Lily to have an unexpected and somewhat undignified dismount. No serious harm resulted although Graham got a serious rollicking. Both their boys had motorbikes at various points, and grandpa could be found tinkering with them, or under the bonnet of the various cars they graduated onto. It was truly a hands-on education. Although Lily learned to drive, she was not happy behind the wheel of a car, instead happily leaving others to take on the role of chauffeur.

Lily trained as a secretary and used her skills for the benefit of the community; Wizo, Barnet Shul Ladies Guild, she was also the booking secretary for a kosher counselling provider, and she additionally created Sweet Charity with several friends - an organisation which raised funds for projects in Israel. She kept herself busy and active, going each week to swimming and keep fit. Graham predeceased her back in 2017, after which point she continued to live at home, with family and friends close at hand.

Covid and lockdown presented their own hurdles; she had a fall in 2020 which landed her in hospital with a fractured hip, and it was a long, long road to recovery, with intensive physio, thoughtfully coordinated by her daughter-in-law, Nicky.

Irrespective of all these difficulties, grandma Lily was soon back to her old self. She then contracted Covid which, amazingly, she recovered from quite quickly, no small feat given she hadn't yet been called for her vaccinations. In March this year she had another fall, but this time it was a head wound and the other hip, and so it was fortuitous that her eldest granddaughter Yehudit was temporarily staying with her, as she was able to mop up, administer first-aid and keep her calm until the ambulance showed up several hours later. By this point Lily was becoming too frail to cope with life at home, and after surgery and hospital care she moved into a care home, where she was extremely well looked after.

Thanks to my occasional - if flawed - attempts at family balancing (don't even ask), Lily was blessed to have many grandchildren, ranging from age 7 (Juliette) to age 24 (Joshua). She loved them all equally - as do I - and would relish the chance to hold them as babies, later sitting them on her lap and reading them a story. They sat transfixed, and we would all watch in silent admiration at her patience. We thought ourselves quite clever by keeping the impending arrival of our twins in 2010 a state 'secret,' from the grandparents, relatives and our work colleagues. When I was then in recovery from an emergency c-section, Julian rang his parents to break the news, anticipating a sharp intake of breath from them, and a big cheer in the background. The response was quite different: his father picked the phone up, and remarked crossly, "why did you not tell us Jacqueline was having twins?" To which my perplexed husband could only rustle up a confused reply. He had emailed his office before the start of the working day, and one of his colleagues - whose parents happened to be best friends with my in-laws - had already told HIS parents, who of course had rung the twins' grandparents to congratulate them.

Aarrgghh! The Jewish Grapevine is far reaching. It mattered not that it was not even 8 o'clock in the morning. Our moment of gleeful surprise was lost. It was a perfect example of 'Man Plans & G-d Laughs.'

Despite her advancing years Lily would always look smart, in neat dark shoes, and either a twinset or a skirt and cardigan. She would combine this impeccable tidy appearance with a distinctive wavy hairdo and it was one of the very few complaints she had near the end of her life, that she couldn't get her hair done. She truly hated to look untidy.

The Grandparents had nachas by the bucket, spending time with the children, going on outings, baking gingerbread men and women, and doing puzzles. Lily came to both my cancer fundraisers, where she dressed up for the evening, enjoying the music and singing along with everyone. She would always greet us at the door of her home with a cheery, "...'ello, 'ello - everything awright?" in her broad

Cockney accent.

In her spare time she would read thrillers and novels, which she would frequently then recommend to us, but she was additionally an avid reader of not only the Telegraph, but also this column in the JW, where she occasionally spotted her name in dispatches, at which point she would guffaw with laughter when she spotted it. She kept reading until the last few weeks of her life. For such a little lady she showed both inner strength and fierce determination. There was nothing she couldn't put her mind to, be it cooking, baking or fixing. When food was scarce in the early years,

she learned to improvise with offcuts and bones from the butcher or fishmonger, whereupon she would make meatballs, fishcakes and salmon cutlets, all of which were simply outstanding!!! When times were less tough, she would get Julian to drive to Billingsgate Fish Market for a 5am kick-off, and peruse the aisles of fabulous offerings. Having grown up between the world wars, she was pragmatic, down-toearth and wasted nothing. One story which has survived for decades is that when they got engaged, Graham - ever the practical and hands-on individual - made her a Lily and Graham Curzon special gift. Now you ladies are wondering, I can tell, what he made? 1.Cake? 2.Breadboard? 3.Apron? 4.A diamond ring? I think very few of you will guess correctly. What would a young kallah most like to receive as a useful gift for the new home? Give up? Answers at the bottom of the page. Lily and Graham generally spent seder with our family, and on occasion she moved in with us for Pesach, where she would sit at the kitchen table, reminding me how to best make her macaroons and coconut pyramids. The result wasn't perfect but we had such fun trying! She would shake her head in amazement at the noise and total balagan of a houseful of children, and a somewhat harassed mum. Lily commented, 'I'm glad I only had two.' When I asked if she hadn't wanted to try again for a girl, she laughed and said, "it might have been another boy." Enough said. The following summer, just before my awful diagnosis, she was also game enough to come on holiday with us to Buxton, where she enjoyed pottering around, playing with the kids, walking round the Pavilion Gardens and even climbing Solomon's Temple [a walk/ climb that I - almost 40 years her junior - was reluctant to undertake]. In true Lily style, she never complained, was undemanding and I don't think I ever heard her shout. I have included a photo of Lily and Graham, taken in their younger years. For any who might still remember them, I think you'd agree that neither of them had changed one bit in their 63 years of marriage. Lily's passing signals the end of an era. She was an Aishes Chayil who was a positive example to everyone she met, and she set the bar high. Thanks to those who came to offer condolences during the shiva. Lily, we will miss you enormously. G-d bless.

Love

Jacqueline x

Correct Answer: a kashering board. having a laugh? 1.Wrong 2.Wrong, 3.Wrong 4. Are you