Dear Lennon…

IN EVERY ISSUE, OUR ADVICE COLUMNIST WILL ANSWER YOUR JUICIEST WEDDING PLANNING QUESTIONS.

FS and I can’t agree on a venue!

Dear Lennon,

My FS and I have very different opinions about our wedding venue. I’m set on a formal ballroom and he’s all about a super-casual space, like a barn or park— just total opposite ends of the spectrum. Every time we start looking at venues, it just ends in an argument. It feels like we can’t move forward with planning until we figure this out. Help!

Frustrated FS

Ok, so you’ve probably already heard the spiel that weddings (and marriage) are all about compromise—and you do have a few options here. Could you opt for a formal wedding venue and a more casual space for the rehearsal dinner so both styles are covered? If not, try starting the venue search from scratch. You and your future spouse can each pick one venue to visit, and then have a wedding planner, friend or family member choose a third space that’s a bit of a wild card—without it being super formal or super casual, but somewhere in the middle. When you tour three spaces, it will likely become clear which option is right for your big day. Oh, and wedding planners can mediate and help you come to an agreement. If you haven’t hired one already, get on that!

Can I kick my brother’s ex out of the wedding party?

Dear Lennon,

At the very beginning of my engagement, I asked my brother’s girlfriend to be a bridesmaid. They’d been together forever, and she was basically part of the family. You can probably guess what happened next—they broke up! We weren’t that close to begin with, and now it would be super awkward for her to be in the wedding party with my brother, let alone attend the wedding at all. Can I ask her to step down?

Ex Future SIL

My guess is that your brother’s ex is probably having similar thoughts and may be looking for a polite way to bow out of the wedding party. Take her out for coffee and a heart-to-heart. Tell her that you totally understand if she feels uncomfortable remaining in the wedding party post-breakup and it’s okay if she’d like to step down. If she doesn’t take the bait, you can say that you’re concerned about your brother’s feelings, and it might be best if she bowed out. Just know that if you encourage or ask her to step down, your relationship is effectively over— which may be for the best anyway, given her breakup with your bro. Also, if she’s already spent money on your wedding, whether it’s to buy a dress or for travel or accommodations, offer to reimburse her.

My MIL is inviting people to my wedding without asking first!

Dear Lennon, I just found out that my future MIL invited six people to attend my wedding without asking me first—and they said yes! I don’t know these people, and they definitely aren’t on the guest list. Can I disinvite them? The wedding is only a few weeks away.

Angry Future DIL

Ugh, this is frustrating! So there’s one question you’ll want to consider: Is your MIL paying for the wedding? If so, then she has a say in who’s invited, and though these last-minute additions are super annoying, she does have ground to stand on. If you and your FS are footing the bill, then your partner can absolutely tell their mom that these additional guests cannot be accommodated, and she’ll have to rescind the invites. Let your FS fight this battle and handle all communication so you can try to maintain a good relationship with your soon-to-be in-laws.