Support Your Partner’s Goals, Not Yours

from The Knot Summer 2023

The greatest thing you’ll ever learn is just to love and be loved in return.

Instead of telling your partner what their goals should be and how to reach them, ask the following three questions to grow in understanding.

What’s really important to you right now?

Illustration by Abby McCartin by Jay

Shetty

We want to help our partner become the best version of the person they want to be. We support their dreams. We genuinely want to see them grow. But if we’re trying to get them to do something we think would be best for them, they’re not likely to trust our insights.

Jay Shetty is the bestselling author of Think Like a Monk and the host of the podcast On Purpose. This exercise is an excerpt from his new book, 8 Rules of Love: How to Find It, Keep It, and Let It Go.

What do you need to get there?

Is there anything I can do to help you?

In this way, you let your partner lead themselves to their answers. Understanding your partner’s goals without editing them to suit yours is one of the greatest gifts you can give someone.

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