The Loafer, Mar. 11, 2014

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Volume 28 Issue #14

Publisher - Bill Williams • Editor/Graphic Arts Director - Don Sprinkle • Office Manager - Luci Tate Cover Design - Bill May • Photography - Mark Marquette Advertising - Dave Carter, Akey Kincaid, Lisa Lyons, Terry Patterson, Pam Johnson-Bowling Contributing Staff - Jim Kelly, Andy Ross, Ken Silvers, Mark Marquette, Pat Bussard Published by Tree Street Media, LLC., P.O. Box 3238, Johnson City, TN 37602 Phone: 423/283-4324 FAX - 423/283-4369 www.theloaferonline.com • info@theloaferonline.com e-mail: editorial@theloaferonline.com (editorial) adcopy@theloaferonline.com (advertising All advertisements are accepted and published by the publisher upon the representation that the agency and/or advertiser is authorized to publish the entire contents and subject matter thereof.The agency and/or advertiser will indemnify and save the publisher harmless from any loss of expense resulting from claims or suits based upon contents of any advertisement,including claims or suits for defamation,libel,right of privacy,plagiarism,and copyright infringement.

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IT’S BRISTOL BABY, SO HOLD ON TO YOUR HAT!

By Mark D. Marquette It’s NASCAR beatin’ and bangin’ time in the Mountain Empire, so don’t miss the action this weekend in our own backyard at the fastest half-mile racetrack in the world.

It’s Bristol, baby! And there are plenty of reasons and plenty of extra tickets available for one of the biggest shows in motor racing, anywhere, anytime.

And though you won’t have to beat the bushes to find ticket for one of the 160,000 seats at the favorite track of NASCAR fans, the drivers will have to beat the Busch’s to claim the coveted pretty lady adorning the trophy for the Food City 500 at Bristol Motor Speedway.

Kyle Busch has won five times at the famed, high-bank “Colise-

um” of racing. And big brother Kurt also has five victories at BMS, and this year is in a hot rod with Tony Stewart’s team.

And Kurt Busch is in a new fitness regime to get him ready for the “Double” on Memorial Day by racing in the Indy 500 and Charlotte 600.

NASCAR has taken the gloves off the drivers and told them to “Just Win, Baby!” on the racetrack.

While everybody was pointing to the fourth race of the season at Bristol and some “Racin’ the Way it Oughta Be” —the new season started in Daytona and continues from Phoenix to Vegas to Bristol.

Plenty of drivers will come into Bristol with a chip on their shoulder, and but all eyes will be on red hot Dale Earnhardt Jr.—the undisputed most popu-

lar driver in NASCAR. But don’t forget last Spring’s winner Casey Kahn in the Food City 500, which is the longest sponsored continuous event in NASCAR, right behind Coca-Cola. And Kyle Busch will no doubt be fast after last year breaking the 10-year track record held by Ryan Newman at 14.83 seconds and 129.535 mph. Kyle has also won six Nationwide and four Truck Series wins for the most checkered flags at the track — 15 total!

Plenty of on-track feuds abound in the shoving matches of years past: Jeff Gordon shoving Matt Kenseth; Tony Stewart bumping into Kurt Busch; Kyle “Rowdy” Busch shoving everybody.

Bristol has seen many changes the past decade, not just in its unrivaled architecture, but changes in the track surface to make the racing more exciting. A resurface of concrete in 2010 created threewide fast racing, but few wrecks among the 43 talented drivers. In 2012 the track was shaved down a bit to eliminate the highest racing grove and move the cars into a two-lane maelstrom at 120 mph.

Still, the “wreckin’ and racin’” isn’t what it used to be 20 years ago—a credit more to the advanced racing cars and ultra-skilled drivers of today’s 21st Century NASCAR era.

Not only was Bristol the debut of the Car of Tomorrow in Spring 2008 (won by Kyle Busch who called the care a piece of @#&!) but the now forgotten aerodynamic wing debuted in Bristol in 2008 saw its last race at the track in 2010. Suspected of contributing to flipping a COT car when airborne in reverse, the wing was chopped to a spoiler on today’s retooled version of NASCAR’s 800 mph “stock cars”.

Bristol was also one of the first tracks to add the “safer barrier” of foam-padded guard rails circling the track, now a standard feature at race tracks around the world.

Spring’s Food City 500 has seen plenty of action with several late cautions creating a green-whitechecker scenario. Like in 2009,

when Kyle Busch dominated right down to lap 503.

Six-time NASCAR champion Jimmie Johnson, winner in Spring 2010, would love another win at Bristol—as would anybody skilled enough to qualify for the sub-16 second, whirl-wind pace at the .566 mile racing arena. The unique “knock out” qualifying this year will be extra interesting as two groups of 20-plus cars will run for 20 minutes with their fastest times being tracked for qualifying ranking into a final session of the fast-

est 12 drivers for the pole.

Cabin fever after a long, cold winter will most likely bring NASCAR fans out to the BMS complex.

Food City Race Night will be Friday on the hospitality grounds between the Speedway and Bristol Dragway.

Saturday will feature the Nationwide Series Drive to Stop Diabetes 300 race at 2 pm. The green flag drops at 1 pm for the Food City 500, broadcast on Fox Television.

Photos by Mark Marquette

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Dale Jr. always draws a crowd.

Photos by Mark Marquette

Danica Patrick

Eat here in our authentically decorated restaurant or call us for your take-out order today!

ST. PATRICK’S DAY SPECIAL Yuengling - $1.99 Dos Equis - $2.99 KARAOKE • Wed & Fri: 8-12

WELCOME RACE FANS Hacienda Los Limon 329 8th St Bristol, TN 37620

(423) 990-2000

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Miller Time Party Zone Friday, Mar. 14 - Sunday, Mar. 16th @ Earhart Campground Kacey Smith, The Twang Bangers, Benny Wilson Band, Benton Blount Chris Hennessee For more info call (423) 764-4406 or visit www.earhartcampground.com

Kacey Smith

The Twang Bangers

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Stars of Tomorrow PittLite 125 at Bristol Motor Speedway

The NASCAR K&N East and West Pro Series are designed as high-level developmental opportunities for drivers to hone their skills while working their way up the racing ladder.

They also provide platforms to get noticed. And where better to do that than one of the biggest stages in racing?

After just two years of tackling the high banks of the Last Great Colosseum, several young drivers who had rides on the K&N tour have made their way into one of NASCAR’s three national series.

And several more in the March 15 PittLite 125 at Bristol Motor Speedway hope to follow the same trail.

Daniel Suárez, winner of the first two K&N events of the season, Lee Pulliam, Brandon McReynolds, Gray Gaulding and the rest of the field set to take the green flag in the PittLite 125 know a win at Bristol is a resume builder.

At least a half-dozen drivers running in the K&N Pro Series event at BMS the last two years now drive in NASCAR’s Camping World Truck or Nationwide Series.

At least one, Kyle Larson, now wheels a machine in the Sprint Cup Series.

With finishes of 20th and 26th, the previous two trips to Bristol have not gone well for Suárez. The difference this time is he enters the arena with back-to-back wins under his belt.

“Bristol is definitely one of the fastest and most fun tracks that we go to,” said Suárez. “I’ve had a hard time getting good results in the world’s fastest half-mile due to mechanical problems, but I head there with the intention to change all that on March 15.”

Gaulding returns to Bristol with better memories after his Series debut last year. While not sitting at the top of the 2014 standings, two

seventh-place runs to start the season have the Virginia driver fourth in points entering Bristol, where he finished sixth last spring.

“I am looking forward to getting back to Bristol,” said Gaulding. “We had a really good car last year just got hung on the bottom during the last few restarts. If it was up to me we would race Bristol ten times a year. Bristol is my favorite track on the schedule, and I can’t wait to for the green flag to drop.”

Tickets for Saturday’s doubleheader start at just $35 and $65 for the March 16 Food City 500. Weekend packages for all three races are available for as low as $89. Fans may click here or call (855) 5805525 to experience this spring’s battle on the high banks of the Last Great Colosseum.

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Food City Race Night Returns to Bristol Motor Speedway

As the area prepares for the onslaught of race fans and RV’s, the folks at Food City are gearing up for their annual Food City Race Night, which will return to Bristol Motor Speedway on Friday, March 14th.

The event paves the way for a weekend of action-packed Nationwide and Sprint Cup racing at one of NASCAR’s most popular venues. Fans can expect a great line-up of driver interactive sessions, along with show cars, simulators, souvenir trailers, entertainment and a smorgasbord of free food samples. Festivities will get underway at 4 p.m. and continue until 9 p.m.

Admission is free of charge.

Food City has already received confirmations from several drivers and attractions. Among those already confirmed are: Greg Biffle (200 wristbands will be given out at the beginning of his line at 4 p.m.), David Ragan, Morgan Shepherd, A.J. Allmendinger, Michael McDowell, Cole Whitt, Parker Kligerman, John King II, Eric McClure, Caleb Holman, Chris Lafferty, Brennan Newberry, NASCAR Legends Brownie King, Paul Lewis, Larry Utsman, Gary Potter and Travis Tiller, ARCA driver Blake Jones, Lonesome Pine drivers Billy Duty, Harold Crook, Doug Oliver,

Kevin Wolfe, Toby Jones, Bobby Helton, Kingsport Speedway drivers Jon Pittman and Tim Abelseth, as well as a number of NASCAR Next Series drivers. Special appearances will also be made by Harlem Globetrotter Dizzy Grant

and Miss Food City, Kayla Neikirk.

Free food sampling will begin at 4 p.m. and continue while supplies last. Cody Shuler & Pine Mountain Railroad will take the stage from 4:15 until 5:00 p.m., followed by Tony Justice from 5:10 until 5:40 p.m. Welcome ceremonies will begin at 5:50 p.m., featuring MC Larry McReynolds. Elliott Sadler (defending champion), Ryan Reed, Dylan Kwasniewski,

Brendan Gauhan, Justin Allgaier and Clint Bowyer will face off in the Wii Boxing Tournament from 6:30 until 7:30 p.m., followed by a NASCAR Q&A session. Benton Blount will perform live in concert from 8 to 9 p.m. The event will close with a special 9:00 p.m. fireworks show (weather permitting). This year’s media sponsors are Bristol Herald Courier and News Channel 11 in your corner.

For a complete listing of Food City Race Night attractions, visit Food City’s website at www. foodcity.com, where updates will be posted. Please note that scheduling and driver appearances are subject to change and autographs are limited to time availability. Food City Race Night in Knoxville, TN is scheduled for Thursday, March 13th at the Knoxville Expo Center from 4 p.m. until 8 p.m.

Food City is Bristol Motor Speedway’s longest running sponsor and the second longest in NASCAR motorsports. Headquartered in Abingdon, Virginia, K-VA-T Food Stores (Food City’s parent company) operates 105 retail food outlets throughout the tri-state regions of Southeast Kentucky, Southwest Virginia and Northeast Tennessee

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Race Action!

Photo by Mark Marquette

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Tastes of the Town March 2014 Food Tour Spring is coming, and Abingdon has Tastes of the Town Tours gearing up with monthly tours planned starting in March. Participants visit 5-6 stops on the tour for small tastes of food and drink which highlight each establishment’s unique flavor.

The March 18th Abingdon tour features seasonal tastings and drink pairings at each stop.

“Our independent restaurants in Abingdon are doing their best to utilize local produce and meats all year long, and soup is the perfect way to put spring produce front and center,” says tour organizer, Sara Cardinale. The stops include: Glenrochie Country Club, Wildflour, JJs, Wolf Hills Brewery, Bella’s Pizza and Anthony’s Desserts. Cardinale touts the tours as a “food experience”, an opportunity to get VIP access to chefs and owners of each venue.

Recently, Tastes of the Town Tours has expanded to allow for private tours in Abingdon.

Groups of 15-25 can organize a tour customized to their preference. “We’ve had high school reunion groups and girls’ night out groups schedule a private food tour on the trolley in Abingdon,” explains Cardinale. “It’s a great chance to do something new and expand our offerings” Tastes of the Town Tours will continue to offer public tours every month on the third Tuesdays.

Tastes of the Town Tours features restaurants that are part of the Rooted in Appalachia campaign, a local food branding initiative collaboratively launched in 2012 by the Abingdon Convention and Visitors Bureau and Appalachian Sustainable Development. Establishments identified as Rooted in Appalachia partners are dedicated

to featuring local purchased food in their menus, serving local wine or beer and making a good faith effort to purchase local food year round. Cardinale explains that “at each stop diners will get the chance to hear directly from the chef or owners about what efforts they are making to utilize local products, as well as get a taste of their specialties made with these items.”

Tickets for the March 18th tour are $40/ea and can be purchased online or by phone. For more information about the events, please visit www.tastesofthetowntours. com or call 276-274-5483. More information about the Rooted in Appalachia program can be found on www.rootedinappalachia.com.

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Carolina Reign

at Country Club Bar & Grill Friday & Saturday, March 14th & 15th

Charlotte, North Carolina’s CAROLINA REIGN, a southern Rock Band, is living proof that raw talent, ambition, honesty and one common goal -to make great music- can still prevail in today’s music industry.

With a plethora of musical tastes and backgrounds, suggesting a range of influences from Miranda Lambert and Lynyrd Skynyrd to KISS and Conway Twitty, the band CAROLINA REIGN shows no limitation of ability and style.

Formed in April 2012, CAROLINA REIGN continues to expand their musical talent and

diversity with unwavering dedication and work ethic. CAROLINA REIGN is breaking the mold of today’s repetitive country music sound.

A CAROLINA REIGN show is one that is NOT to be missed! A combination of high energy, audience interaction and having fun makes CAROLINA REIGN a true crowd pleaser in every venue they appear!

Friday & Saturday, Mar. 14th & 15th at the Country Club Bar and Grill. 3080 W. State St., Bristol, TN. Call 423-844-0400 for more info.

Cale Yarborough led all 500 laps of the 1973 Southeastern 500, the only driver to accomplish such a feat in a Cup race at Bristol Motor Speedway.

Timothy Peters achieved a similar milestone in the 2012 NASCAR Camping World Truck Series race, leading all 200 laps of the UNOH 20.

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The Acting Company to Perform Hamlet at NPAC on Saturday, March 15th

To be, or not to be - that is the question.

Experience Hamlet on Saturday, March 15th at the Niswonger Performing Arts Center in Greeneville, TN. The performance begins at 7:30 pm and ticket prices range from $20 to $30.

This will be the first production of Hamlet in the New York based The Acting Company’s 40year history. The play dramatizes the revenge Prince Hamlet exacts for his father’s murder, setting him on a journey seeking his personal mortality. It vividly portrays overwhelming grief and rage while exploring themes of danger, revenge and moral corruption.

Hamlet is among Shakespeare’s most powerful and influential tragedies in English literature, one of Shakespeare’s most popular works during his lifetime and still ranking among his most-performed. Many believe that Hamlet is the best of Shakespeare’s work, the perfect play and certainly one of his most well-known and oftquoted plays.

Ian Belknap, The Acting Company’s Artistic Director, brings this masterpiece to life having previously directed The Acting Company’s The Comedy of Errors and John Steinbeck’s Of Mice and Men.

The Acting Company promotes theater and literacy by bringing a touring repertory of classical productions and exceptional new works. Hundreds of extraordinary actors - Kevin Kline, Patti LuPone, Rainn Wilson, Jesse L. Martin, Frances Conroy, David Ogden Stiers, Harriet Harris, David Schramm, Jeffrey Wright, Keith David, Roslyn Ruff, Stephen DeRosa, Tom Hewitt, Randle Mell, Mary Lou Rosato, Mary Joan Negro, Lisa Banes and Hamish Linklater - began their careers touring with The Acting Company, which has brought 138 productions to mil-

lions of people in 48 states and ten foreign countries. Last year, the Company reached 70,000 people touring to 48 cities in 20 states and provided a full range of arts education programs to 37,000 students, most in disadvantaged school systems. Founded in 1972 by Oscarwinning actor, director, producer John Houseman and current producer, Margot Harley, The Acting Company has been honored with TONY, Obie, Audelco and Los Angeles Drama Critics Circle awards.

Hamlet will be performed at Niswonger Performing Arts Center (NPAC) in historic downtown Greeneville, TN on Saturday, March 15th at 7:30 pm. The 2 1⁄2 hour performance includes an intermission. Tickets are $30 for orchestra and mezzanine level seating and $20 for balcony seats.

Tickets may be purchased online at www.npacgreeneville.com, in person at the NPAC box office, or by calling 423-638-1679.

NPAC offers online seat selection and no-fee ticketing. The box office hours are Monday through Friday, 10 am until 5 pm. The 1130 seat performing arts center is located adjacent to the campus of Greeneville High School in Greeneville, TN. For venue information, and to purchase tickets, please visit www.npacgreeneville.com.

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The Paramount Center for the Arts presents

The Women Of Ireland Wednesday, March 12th

Don’t miss out on this amazing, high energy show that will keep you at the edge of your seat and only wanting more. The O’neil Sisters are from the area of County Kerry in Ireland, but are sharing their talent and passion with us here in the United States. This show is for every member of your family.

Ireland’s finest talent has been assembled to highlight the rich musical history of Ireland. Between them, the cast, have performed for 3 Irish Presidents, 3 U.S. Presidents, the Queen of England, President of the People’s Republic of China, the Empress of Japan, Prince Albert of Monaco, Aung San Suu Kyi of Burma amongst others. The company members have performed across 6 continents and have graced the stages of some of the world’s greatest venues including Moscow’s Kremlin State Palace, Beijing Opera House, Radio City Music Hall (New York), London’s Hyde Park, the Great Hall of the People in Beijing, The Kennedy Center (Wash-

ington DC), Sydney Opera House, Egypt’s Giza Pyramids and Ireland’s two 80,000 capacity venues; Croke Park & Slane Castle. The ‘Women of Ireland’ show contains original music and choreography.

“Women of Ireland” is an innovative and exciting full stage concert production showcasing the next generation of Ireland’s leading female performers. The show highlights the tremendous talent that exists within Ireland’s traditions of music, song and dance.

This program will transport the audience to all that is Ireland as the performers showcase the revered qualities of traditional Irish dance and music. Special significance is placed on depicting the pure qualities of Irish music in a contemporary setting. Experience the talents of some of Ireland’s finest female performers…the “Women of Ireland” The Paramount Center for the Arts, 518 State Street, Bristol, TN. Call 423-274-8920 or visit www. theparamountcenter.com www.etix.com to purchase tickets.

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Student Art Gallery Brings a Hint of Spring to Historic Downtown Bristol The Arts & Entertainment District is hosting the 3rd Annual Student Art Gallery in Downtown Bristol. In an effort to “Cultivate Bristol’s Creativity,” the district has invited the local schools to help us beautify our community by providing art to decorate the front windows of the former Hayes Furniture Building on State Street.

“The Student Art Gallery is such a positive way to showcase the creative talent in our own community and to encourage students in our schools to embrace the arts,” says René Rodgers, Associate Director at Believe in Bristol. “This initiative has become one of the most successful programs hosted

by Believe in Bristol in the Arts & Entertainment District, and the enthusiasm and artistic energy of the students is wonderful to see.”

Each school or group that par-

ticipates has a month-long period to display their students’ art in the space. The fifth gallery of art went up on March 4, showcasing art from students in grades 9 to 12 at Virginia High School. Deborah Martin’s students worked on a variety of different projects with a broad array of subject matter – however, the idea of spring time and spring activities became more of a dominant theme during the cold winter we have been experiencing!

Artwork by the students from Virginia High School will be on display at the Hayes Furniture Building until April 1, 2014.

For more information, please contact René Rodgers at Believe in Bristol on 276-644-9700, rrodgers@ believeinbristol.org, or visit the website at www.believeinbristol. org.

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“Haute Cuisine” March 17th & 18th

The Arts Array Film Series presented by Virginia Highlands Community College is in its 43rd year. All films are presented at the Abingdon Cinemall on Mondays and Tuesdays at 4 p.m. and again at 7:30 pm.

Hortense Laborie is a celebrated chef living in the Perigord region. To her great surprise, the President of the Republic appoints her as his personal cook. She accepts, reluc-

tantly, but once she has accepted her nomination, Hortense works her heart and soul to produce both a stylish and authentic cuisine. For a while, she manages to impose her will, thanks to her sturdy character and despite the jealousies she arouses among the other chefs.

The Arts Array Film Series is part of the comprehensive cultural outreach program of Virginia Highlands Community College. The series is cosponsored by the Abingdon Cinemall, the Southwest Virginia Higher Education Center, Emory& Henry College, Virginia Intermont College, and King University.

Admission to the films is free for the faculties and students at the supporting institutions. Members of the general community may attend for $7.75.

For a brochure on the series or more information, please contact Tommy Bryant at 276-739-2451 or email him at tbryant@vhcc.edu.

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In 21 of 40 years since Bristol opened, a driver who won a Sprint Cup race at Bristol went on to win the series title later the same year.

Albert Hash Memorial Band Program featured in The Crooked Road “Youth Music Series” at Heartwood The Crooked Road: Virginia’s Heritage Music Trail presents a “Youth Music Series” concert on Thursday, March 13th, from 6:30 to 8:00 p.m. at Heartwood: Southwest Virginia’s Artisan Gateway in Abingdon, Virginia. The concert will feature the Albert Hash Memorial Band Program from Grayson County Public Schools.

The Albert Hash Memorial Band Program, directed by Emily Spencer, is an in-school traditional music program at Grayson County High School and Grayson Highlands School in Southwest Virginia. This unique music program has its roots in the mountain music program that was started at Mt. Rogers Combined School in Whitetop, Virginia in 1982. Albert Hash was a well-known fiddler and fiddle maker, and he and his daughter, Audrey, along with his brother and sister-in-law, Thornton and Emily Spencer, were instructors. After his passing in 1983, the band was named in his honor.

Close to 60 students are involved in the string band program this year, and 220 students are served through music classes.

Students learn to play guitar, fiddle, bluegrass and old time banjo,

mandolin, bass and dulcimer, as well as learning about traditional singing and dance.

The Crooked Road Music Series features youth music performers and showcases venues of the Crooked Road region. These events, along with open jams on the 1st, 3rd, (and 5th) Thursday of every month, are hosted at Heartwood. A complete schedule for the music series is available on The Crooked Road website at www.thecrookedroad.org and at www.heartwoodvirginia.org. The music series is sponsored by The Crooked Road, Heartwood, Virginia Commission for the Arts, and the National Endowment for the Arts.

Heartwood: Southwest Virginia’s Artisan Gateway is located off I-81 at Exit 14 in Abingdon, Virginia and features food, music, and craft of Southwest Virginia. Admission to the concert is free and donations will be accepted for The Crooked Road Traditional Music Education Program (TMEP).

For more information on The Crooked Road Music Series call (276) 492-2409 or email: info@ thecrookedroad.org.

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The Blue Moon Presents

BIG TROUBLE IN LITTLE IRELAND The Blue Moon Dinner Theatre, located at 215 East Main Street in Downtown Johnson City, presents their new original interactive murder mystery BIG TROUBLE IN LITTLE IRELAND written by Clayton Van Huss.

Come out for a night of dinner, dessert, and at least one Murder.

You get to play detective and solve

the crime as the actors take you through a story or Irish humor and foul play.

When the fairy folk of Ireland gather in the ancient meeting place to discuss the commercialization of their kind, things don’t go according to plan. Tired of being used as mascots to sell cereal and promote tourism, the wee folk

decide that it’s time for things to get serious; but perhaps things get too serious when they discover Big Trouble in Little Ireland. With murder, mayhem, and good old fashioned mischief, you’ll need the luck of the Irish to survive.

Playing March 14th,15th and 21st with a special matinee on Sunday March 16th, this Irish Murder Mystery will keep you guessing and leave you full after your

3 course dinner. The show stars Clayton Van Huss, Erin Hensley Schultz, Steve Shultz, Sean Read, Katie Runciman, and Audry Scyphers.

“We always like to do a themed show for St. Paddy’s Day.’ Says Artistic Director Edward Breese “ This year we are writing it ourselves and really enjoying the creative process. We will still have trivia and prizes and all the fun

that goes along with a comedic murder mystery we will just be adding our own creative twist to the night.”

Tickets for the Murder Mystery are just 39.99 plus tax and include the 3 course dinner. Upgraded meals and vegetarien meals are available with a 48 hour notice.

Call 423-232-1350 for reservations or visit www.bluemoondinnertheatre.com.

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More Race Action!

Photos by Mark Marquette

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“Barter Break”

Half-price tickets day of show Honoring Barter’s founding tradition that Barter is for everyone, Barter Theatre is excited to announce the new “Barter Break” ticket: Any seats that are available after 11:00am on the day of a performance at Barter can be purchased at 50% off the regular ticket price. Barter Break tickets must be purchased in-person at Barter’s box office on the day of the performance.

Barter is offering Barter Break tickets for all Barter Theatre and Barter Stage II shows for the entire 2014 Season as a thanks to all of our patrons for their support. The already highly-discounted tickets to The Barter Players are not included as a part of Barter Break ticket offer.

“Barter was founded in the spirit of making great theatre accessible to everyone in our region, and that’s a tradition we’re proud to continue,” said Richard Rose, Producing Artistic Director.

“Robert Porterfield found a way to bring incredible storytelling to the people of Appalachia at a price anyone could afford, and we want to ensure that we are doing that same thing today.”

“Barter Break” tickets are a perfect option for those who are able to take a chance on a last-minute ticket purchase. Available seats will be put on sale for half price beginning at 11:00am the day of the performance (1:00pm on Sunday). Some limitations do apply: there are no advance reservations.

Barter Break tickets cannot be combined with any other Barter discounts. Patrons are limited to purchasing 6 Barter Break tickets at a time. And, of course, all sales are non-refundable.

For patrons who desire guaranteed reservations in advance and want their choice of the best seats, Barter continues to offer its flexible Barter Season PassBooks, which offer savings of up to 54% and many more advantages, like the ability to cancel or exchange

a reservation up to 2 hours before show time with no penalty. Barter Season PassBooks also include ticket replacement insurance, the ability to share passes with friends and make additional reservations without pre-payment, as well as 10% discounts at the Barter Gift Shop or Bob’s at Barter.

Barter Break tickets and Barter Season PassBooks offer great ways to see Barter’s current spring shows, which include the stirring musical “Man of La Mancha” and the witty British comedy “I Do, I Do, I Do” on Barter’s Main Stage, as well as the outrageously funny story of the making of Gone With the Wind entitled “Don’t Cry For Me, Margaret Mitchell” and the

world premiere of “The Dryad: An Appalachian Tale” at Barter Stage II. Barter offers a range of prices throughout the season, including $22 Tuesdays, Pay-What-You-Can performances, as well as discounts for military personnel, AAA members, seniors and students.

For more information about “Barter Break” half-priced ticket and any other Barter Theatre ticket deals that make it possible to see one of the nation’s oldest and most respect theatre, as well as a full listing of Barter’s show times and descriptions, visit BarterTheatre.com or call Barter’s box office at (276) 628-3991.

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“TAP - The Show” Tusculum College, March 18th

“TAP – The Show” will bring a burst of non-stop dance energy to the stage at Tusculum College on Tuesday, March 18.

The award-winning song and dance spectacular will begin at 7 p.m. in the auditorium of the Annie Hogan Byrd Fine Arts Building. The show is part of Tusculum College Arts Outreach’s Acts, Arts, Academia 2013-14 performance and lecture series.

Matt Davenport Productions’ “TAP – The Show” explores the international family tree of tap dancing, including Irish, African and Spanish traditions, as well as contemporary urban expressions.

Wrapped in dazzling costumes and backed by a soaring orchestral score, a cast of award-winning dancers and singers travels seamlessly over decades of styles from Broadway and big band to world music and pop/rock.

Each section brings to life iconic tap moments of the past and creates brand new moments that amaze audiences. Included in this extravaganza are recreations of some of favorite Fred Astaire and Gene Kelly numbers, Broadway

showstoppers, smooth and sultry soft shoe, flamenco, tribal and Irish step and more.

The production is the culmination of years researching the traditions of step dancing by writer/ director Scott Seidl. As a percussionist and dancer himself, Seidl’s interest in the expressive power in this marriage of dance and percussion was realized when executive producer Matt Davenport challenged him in 2009 to create a truly unique dance production.

Since then the show has become a perennial favorite at Hersheypark in Pennsylvania and garnered the “Heartbeat” award from the International Association Amusement Parks and Attractions. The success of the show has led to the creation of a full theatrical version of the production for this national tour.

Tickets for the show are $12 for adults, $10 for senior citizens (60 and over) and $5 for children under 12. A group discount is available for dance studios. Please contact Arts Outreach for more information at 423-798-1620 or email jhollowell@tusculum.edu.

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Trey Hensley at Carter Fold, March 14th Friday, March 14th, 2014, at 7:30 p.m. the Carter Family Fold in Hiltons, Virginia, will present the first of a special concert series of downhome, mountain music to be held the second Friday of each month from March through October, 2014. Kicking off this brand new concert series is a special young man who grew up performing at the Fold and has been part of the Fold and Carter/Cash families from the time he started performing as a child – Trey Hensley.

Backing Trey will his bluegrass band Drivin’ Force. Admission to the concert is $10 for adults, $1 for children 6 to 11, under age 6 free.

Trey Hensley, despite his young age, has already forged his own

style. What started twelve years ago as a kid singing traditional bluegrass has become the mature sound of a 22-year old country performer and vocalist who has already found his voice. While you’ll hear some of his idols and influences around the edges, more than anything, you’ll hear Trey Hensley.

With a guitar in his hands, his talent expands beyond his young age. This guitar aficionado will blow your mind. His own style of picking – whether on his Telecaster or acoustic – bears the influence of some of his guitar heroes. You’ll hear traces of James Burton, Marty Stuart, Buck Owens, Ricky Skaggs, Doc Watson, and Tony Rice.

Friends with Johnny Cash and Earl Scruggs, he’s picked with Tom T. Hall, the Oak Ridge Boys, Steve Wariner, Charlie Daniels, Ricky Skaggs, and many others. He first stepped into the Grand Ole Opry’s

spotlight in 2002, performing on the hallowed Ryman stage at the age of only eleven years old. Before that, he appeared onstage at the Carter Fold – the birthplace of country music.

Hensley’s first country project, Looking at my Future, finds him with guitars firmly in hand and surrounded by some of the finest studio musicians in Nashville.

Covering material done by Johnny Rodriguez, Elvis Presley, and Jerry Reed - his easy vocal styling and hot licks on the release are amazing. With his second country CD, It is What it Is, the Jonesborough, Tennessee, native is heading out playing his own brand of traditional honky-tonk music. Trey’s new CD is a combination of radiofriendly and contemporary songs as well as songs with the classic sound of some of his heroes. It features songs done by Elton John, Conway Twitty, Jimmy Dickens, and many other music industry greats as well as special guests who contributed their time and talent to the release.

Trey’s talent and stage presence are indicative of a performer far beyond his age. His tremendous talent and his down home humility impress everyone he meets.

Marty Stuart calls him a “bona fide hillbilly rock star.” You won’t hear better guitar picking anywhere, and his vocals are every bit as spell-binding as his playing. If you aren’t a fan of Trey’s already, you will be when you hear him.

For a night of some of the best bluegrass and traditional country music you can imagine, don’t miss Trey Hensley and Drivin’ Force at the Carter Family Fold! Trey grew up playing on the Carter Fold stage, and it feels like part of our family is coming home when he performs there. Trey truly is family, and the Fold is honored and proud to feature him as the first performer of our new concert series. For more information on Trey, go to treyhensley.com/.

For recorded information on shows coming up at the Fold, call 276-386-6054. The Fold is on Facebook – page Carter Fold – and Twitter – Twitter @carterfoldinfo.

To speak to a Fold staff member, call 276-594-0676.

www.theloaferonline.com

March 11, 2014 • The Loafer, Page 23

Blast the Winter Blues Away with SHENANIGANS! A Musical Comedy Revue The cast of Shenanigans 2014 is up to their crazy antics in this frolicsome musical comedy revue at LampLight Theatre, downtown Kingsport, Tennessee, March 1416. Laugh away the winter blues with some knee-slappin’ comedy, and let a talented cast of performers help you reminisce of favorite musicals gone by.

Presented in Vaudeville style, this show promises to bring a smile to everyone who attends.

People of all ages will get a “kick” out of this humorous turn of the century revue filled with songs from past musicals and a walk down memory lane. Shenanigans 2014 will pay tribute to iconic legends, Julie Andrews and Dick Van Dyke. Audiences will be taken back to Andrews and Van Dyke’s renowned performances in Mary Poppins, The Sound of Music, and Chitty Chitty Bang Bang with numbers such as Spoonful of Sug-

ar, Supercalifragilisticexpialidocious, Hushabye Mountain, Doll on a Box, and My Favorite Things.

The comedy crew will make you giggle with their lighthearted adventures and musical numbers, sure to bring a smile to coldest heart. What a great way to bring in the spring season!

A witty cast of singers, dancers and comedians will provide you with a show that you’ll be talking about for years to come! So, grab a friend and a sense of humor and join the fun at LampLight Theatre.

Laughter is great for the soul, and you’ll find plenty of it at Shenanigans 2014.

This is a show for the entire family. The production will be held March 14-16 with evening performances on Fridays and Saturdays at 7:00 p.m. Saturday matinees will be held at 2:00 p.m. and Sunday matinees at 3:00 p.m.

Doors will open one hour prior

to performances. The cost of ad- FREE for children age 5 and under. Monday through Friday from 9 mission for all performances is a Reservations are suggested and a.m. to 5 p.m. or online at www. suggested donation of $10.00 for can be made by calling the Lamp- lamplighttheatre.com.

Adults, $5.00 for students, and Light box office at (423) 343-1766,

Page 24, The Loafer • March 11, 2014

The Power of Film Documentary tells story of Rwanda’s healing through story

Rwanda is full of ghosts and memories.

As the post-genocide country heals, it is also facing its past. Telling the people’s stories seems to help.

In Hillywood – the Rwanda film industry’s name for the country’s rolling hills – a blossoming film community has become a way for artists to express themselves and create cultural discussion. “We just struggle, fight, to make films. We make them the best we know how,” says filmmaker Ayuub Kasasa Mago.

Seattle filmmakers Leah Warshawski and Chris Towey have created a stirring documentary, Finding Hillywood, that functions

as a Rwandan history lesson but also reveals the power of media as a catalyst for cultural healing.

ETSU’s Mary B. Martin School of the Arts presents the film Finding Hillywood Monday, March 17, at 7 p.m. with Director/Producer Leah Warshawski as part of the South Arts Southern Circuit Tour of Independent Filmmakers. Hillywood is the second of three independent films Mary B. Martin School is bringing to ETSU spring semester.

“The multicultural level of all three of our spring films is pretty high,” says Mary B. Martin School Director Anita DeAngelis.

“In Finding Hillywood, we get to hear the Rwandans telling their own story and watch the difference that film makes in lives. It’s another case where you can find out about another culture we don’t normally come in contact with in our region, and we at Mary B. Martin School of the Arts love to do that.”

After the free screening of the film in ETSU’s Martha Street Culp Auditorium, Warshawski and the audience will engage in a discussion about the film and her work as a filmmaker. A reception will follow. Film and reception are free and open to the public.

Finding Hillywood efficiently introduces the major players who set the beginning of the industry in motion. Eric Kabera founded the Kwetu Film Institute, directed the first Rwandan feature, and created the Rwanda Film Festival. Mago is a renaissance man within the industry, equally adept at directContinued on page 25

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ing, acting, scouting or “fixing” just about anything a production might need. While it is easy to see that Kabera is the heart of the industry, as the film continues, Mago comes to represent its soul with his all-encompassing passion.

The film’s final act takes a breathtaking turn as the people of Rwanda feel the impact of seeing their culture represented on the biggest screen available.

“Finding Hillywood gives me goosebumps,” says Phil Alden Robinson, writer and director of the film Field of Dreams.

“In an era of mega-budgets and special effects, here’s a fascinating, compelling and universal story about the power of … story.

It reminds me of why some of us became filmmakers and why all of us became film lovers.”

Finding Hillywood has won Best Documentary honors at the Montreal International Black Film Festival and Napa Valley, Afghanistan Human Rights and Eugene International film festivals.

The director/producers of Hillywood bring years of experience in the medium to the project. Warshawski began her film career in Hawaii working for major motion pictures and television shows, including Baywatch, Lost and Survivor. Since then she has produced content in more than 30 countries for major TV networks and corporations like Microsoft and Starbucks.

She specializes in producing and directing documentary-style programming and films in remote parts of the world. Finding Hillywood is her first documentary feature. She has worked on some aspect of the film al-

March 11, 2014 • The Loafer, Page 25 most every day since August 2007.

Producer/Director/Director of Photography Chris Towey has worked in the film industry for nearly three decades. In the past 12 years, he has traveled worldwide shooting for TV, corporate entities and feature films. Towey has directed photography on feature-length documentaries including Blackfish in 2013, Bear Trek in 2013 and Trade-Off in 2000. He has also shot commercials and TV programs for MSNBC, National Geographic, E!, PBS Nature, Discovery, History Channel and the BBC. For more information on the film, visit http://findinghillywood.com.

The Southern Circuit Tour of Independent Filmmakers is a program of South Arts.

Southern Circuit screenings are funded in part by a grant from South Arts in partnership with the National Endowment for the Arts.

South Arts, a nonprofit regional arts organization, was founded in 1975 to build on the South’s unique heritage and enhance the public value of the arts. South Arts’ work responds to the arts environment and cultural trends with a regional perspective.

South Arts offers an annual portfolio of activities designed to address the role of the arts in impacting the issues important to our region and to link the South with the nation and the world through the arts. For more information, visit www.southarts.org For information about the ETSU Mary B. Martin School of the Arts, call 423-439TKTS (8587) or visit www.etsu.edu/martin.

“Like” ETSU Mary B. Martin School of the Arts on Facebook and follow it on Twitter and Instagram @ArtsAtETSU.

Page 26, The Loafer • March 11, 2014

Jupiter is One Crazy Planet

“Now that she’s back in the atmosphere With drops of Jupiter in her hair, hey, hey, hey.” Train - “Drops of Jupiter”

No way would any girl want drops of Jupiter in her hair!

The super-cold hydrogen clouds would freeze her, or the liquid metallic hydrogen surrounding its core mantle would melt her.

But it’s okay to mesmerize her with the sights of Jupiter…just look up at the bright planet Jupiter directly overhead at dark. The king of the planets will be with us through the Spring of 2014.

With any telescope, the giant planet can be seen as a flattened disk with four, star-like moons surrounding it. Two dark bands and grey polar caps are easy to see, and with a serious backyard telescope the detail is amazing.

Jupiter has three times the mass of all the other planets combined—yet it is 1,000 times smaller than the Sun. To put the gigantic size in another way, every planet,

moon and asteroid in the Solar System can comfortably fit inside the globe.

There is probably no solid surface to Jupiter. Most of the 88,800-mile diameter globe is filled with an exotic mixture of – 100 degrees F. cold liquid hydrogen and helium.

Deep inside the gravity pressure cooker of Jupiter, there may be an Earth-size rocky or liquid core of metallic hydrogen spinning many times a minute. This creates an electric dynamo, making Jupiter emit more radiation than it receives from the Sun. One of the many amazing discoveries by NASA’s Galileo spacecraft from 19952003 was the intense radiation belts around Jupiter that electrify the surrounding space to a million degrees hot!

If we could see this electromagnetic system around the “star” Jupiter when looking up tonight, it would be a circle as big as our Full Moon! The NASA spacecraft Juno is headed to Jupiter to study this incredible, high-energy environment.

The high-altitude hydrogen clouds we see in a telescope are only 5,000 miles

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thick at the most, just a fraction of the planet’s 44,432-mile radius.

These cloud tops are an incredibly cold -230 degrees below zero. And Jupiter has a thin, ropy ring girdling its equator like a hoola-hoop—first discovered by the 1970s Voyager space craft that NASA sent whizzing by.

The official moon count is reaching 70 as small, asteroid-like ones are added by advanced research.

The Jovian moons we see in a telescope are the same one’s discovered by Galileo in 1610. Callisto and Ganymede are icy moons larger than the planet Mercury.

Two moons, Io and Europa are active worlds in their own right. Both are about the size of Earth’s own Moon. Io has at least 30 volcanoes spewing sulfuric material into the inner space of Jupiter. Europa is a prime sign for extraterrestrial life in our Solar System. Europa’s icy surface is fractured with signs of the liquid water heated underneath the alien surface features. Planetary scientists have lobbied NASA for years to provide funds to send a spacecraft to Europa and probe beneath the ice for life.

The other moons of Jupiter range in size from 1,000 miles to 10 miles in diameter, many with irregular shapes and different

March 11, 2014 • The Loafer, Page 27 compositions. Some can be seen in serious backyard telescopes.

Through even the cheapest backyard telescopes, you can watch the four Galilean moons move from side to side of the planet. The moons pass in front of or go behind planet and disappear for a while.

Sometimes all four moons are one side.

This Jovian celestial ballet is predictable for centuries in advance.

Though huge in size, Jupiter’s clouds roar around the globe once every 10 hours on the average. The rotation is so quick it flattens the planet! And inside the clouds are giant cyclones, like the huge Great Red Spot, three times the size of Earth and visible for more than 300 years. There are intense electrical storms, and incredible aurora at both magnetic poles.

Jupiter is located next to the asteroid belt and its immense gravitational influence actually sucks in passing comets and errant asteroids.

That means that Jupiter is taking hits for the inner planets of the Solar System, our Earth included. Once a rare event to record, amateur astronomers are now recording two or three hits on Jupiter each year with their automated backyard telescopes and digital video cameras.

Just look around the solid bodies of the Solar System and one sees the damage

done by violent impacts that mostly occurred in the first quarter of our 4 billion year existence.

Our Moon alone has more than 100,000 visible impacts, and the planet Mercury is also densely covered with craters. Natural erosion on Venus and our Earth has wiped away all but the most recent impacts. On Mars, its less dynamic atmosphere has allowed many crater impacts to still be visible.

Just like the dramatic impact scars caused by the 1994 comet collision, something struck Jupiter’s backside July 19th causing a supersonic reaction with the atmosphere that created an energy explosion equivalent to dozens of atomic bombs.

Yes, if that cosmic debris had impacted Earth, there would be a global catastrophe no matter whether it hit the land or ocean.

And right at this moment, there are 1,067 Near Earth Asteroids (NEAR) in orbit about the Sun that could smack into us.

They are being monitored by NASA...we hope! You can check them out at www. spaceweather.com.

And you can check out all the amazing spacecraft photos and latest news about Jupiter on many websites, including NASA and Jet Propulsion Lab.

Page 28, The Loafer • March 11, 2014

Tony Stewart’s initial Bristol win came in the 2001 Sharpie 500.

Elliott Sadler’s victory in 2001 Food City 500 was the first for Bristol victory for Stuart, Va.’s, famed Wood Brothers team.

Fans vie for

Gridiron Greatness

during March Race Weekend in Battle At Bristol Football Zone On September 10, 2016 the Virginia Tech Hokies and University of Tennessee Volunteers face-off on one of NASCAR’s biggest stages - Bristol Motor Speedway. Expected to draw the largest crowd in college football history, the iconic venue transforms into a one-of-a-kind stadium just days after its traditional date for the August night race.

This March, guests of the Last Great Colosseum get a glimpse of the football experience at the Battle at Bristol Football Zone located in the display area between the Speedway and Dragway.

Featuring a football toss, 20yard dash, blocking drills, free giveaways and more, the interactive display area not only provides race fans an opportunity to demonstrate their mastery of the gridiron but also serves as an informational resource for those curious about the upcoming game.

“The Battle at Bristol has been decades in the making and announcing last October that it is finally happening was really spe-

cial,” said BMS General Manager Jerry Caldwell. “Response to the game has been overwhelming and we’re eager to share that excitement with a key part of our Bristol family - our race guests. The Battle at Bristol Football Zone gives us a fun, interactive way to do that.”

Bristol season ticket holders and iBelong members may secure their Battle at Bristol tickets today with a $40 deposit per ticket. For additional information on ticket offerings and to stay updated on news about the big game, fans can become a Battle at Bristol insider at www.battleatbristol.com.

Tickets still remain for the March 14-16 race weekend, but prices increase Sunday, March 9, so act now to purchase Food City 500 tickets as low as $65 or weekend packages for as little as $89. To reserve your seat for next weekend’s battle on the high banks and learn more about guaranteeing your seat for college football’s largest game, visit www.bristoltix.com or call (855) 580-5525.

www.theloaferonline.com

March 11, 2014 • The Loafer, Page 29

Skies This Week Celestial events in the skies for the week of Mar. 11th - Mar. 17th, 2014, as compiled for The Loafer by Mark D. Marquette.

NASCAR week in Bristol will have some extra lunacy—a Full Moon will be rising on race Sunday at noon! That will make for some real cool moonrises this week against the beautiful South Holston Mountains behind the famous half-mile racetrack. When night falls around 8 pm Daylight Saving Time, the Moon is rising in the east and the bright stars of winter are waiting.

Tues. March 11 The morning sky has three brilliant stars strung along the ecliptic with the heart of Scorpius. Before sunrise, now after 7 am, from east to west are Venus, red star Antares, Saturn, Mars and star Spica.

Wed. March 12 The Sun enters the constellation Pisces; at least that’s what the facts are, contrary to the fake science of astrology—which erroneously has the Sun entering the Fishes on Feb. 23.

Thurs. March 13 On this 1781date in space history, William Herschel discovered the sixth planet Uranus from the backyard observatory in his mansion in Bath, England. He was the greatest telescopic astronomer to just use his eyes, discovering thousands of double stars, nebula, galaxies and star clusters—though the exact nature of these objects would await photography, pioneered by his son, John.

Fri. March 14 Happy 80th birthday to the last man on the Moon, Gene Cernan. He climbed the ladder of his moonship Challenger to join moon mate Jack Schmitt on December 13, 1972, leaving the last human footprints so far on an alien world.

Sat. March 15 Jupiter, the king of the gods in many cultures, is ironically the

largest planet in the Sun’s system.

It is so large that every planet, their 160-plus moons, thousands of asteroids and millions of comets could fit comfortably inside Jupiter.

Sun. March 16 Full Moon occurs at 12:10 pm, and it rises at 8 pm. This is the Spring Moon, closest to the vernal equinox. Our celestial neighbor is against the background of stars of Virgo the Virgin.

Mon. March 17 St. Patrick’s Day…which has nothing to do with astronomy. But on this 2011 date in space history, NASA’s Messenger spacecraft began orbiting Mercury. The successful mission continues as the entire surface of the first planet has been photographed by Messenger.

Page 30, The Loafer • March 11, 2014

Get Your “GEEK” On!

Ready to get your geek on?

The Rose Center Council for the Arts with the Student Advisory Council will be hosting its first ever Geekin’ Out Symposium!

This event will target high school and middle school students so that they can experience two days of Visual Arts, Forensics Speech and Debate, Theatre, Dance, and Vocal Performance in a collegiate template.

The event will begin on Friday, March 14, 2014 at 5PM till 9PM in Prater Hall. Friday night will be offering snacks, tours of the historic Rose Center, college booths, and performances/exhibits by Saturday’s teachers.

Classes will begin on Saturday, March 15, 2014 at 12PM till 9PM. Saturday will be filled with a wide variety of classes for the students, door prizes, and a pizza dinner. Classes range from drama offering of “Cold Readings: Audition Nightmare or Actor’s Best Friend?” to visual art offering of “Not Your Oldfart Art”, from dance offering of “The Barre and

Butter of Ballet: A Class for Beginners” to vocal offering of “Loud and Clear: Healthy Voice Habits for Singers and Non-Singers Alike”. For a full list of classes, visit the Rose Center online at www.rosecenter.org.

Each class is taught and designed by a college student or recent college grad. The aim is to not only educate the community’s youths about the arts, but encourage students to pursue the arts in higher education. Educators for the symposium include Christina Blazer (Visual Art), Kate Doyle (Forensics), Micah Keck (Theatre), Jon Luttrell (Vocals), Nathan McGhee (Theatre, Forensics), Abbie Moody (Theatre), Austin Olive (Theatre), Tanna Purkey (Vocals), Emily Robinson (Dance), Kate Ryan (Visual Art), and Sara Treece (Visual Art).

Admission for the two-day event is $40/$25 each additional sibling. For more information or to register, call the Rose Center at (423) 581-4330 or e-mail nathan@ rosecenter.org.

www.theloaferonline.com

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“Non-Stop” Mr. Action Hero Liam Neeson is back on the big screen with his latest mystery/thriller “Non-Stop”, and the film finished number 1 at the box office opening weekend.

I’ve never considered Neeson a typical action hero, as he brings an intelligence to the screen between punches. Neeson stars as Bill Marks, an alcoholic U.S. federal air marshal, who at the beginning of the film is “loading up” for his latest flight. During the course of the film we discover why Bill drowns his sorrows in a bottle, so we can see him as a character worth some empathy.

The aforementioned aside, the action begins shorty after Bill’s flight takes off from New York to London. After Bill meets a fellow passenger named Jen (Julianne Moore), he begins getting strange and threatening text messages to his secure phone. As he chats with the mystery person, who states they are on board the crowded flight, Bill is told to deposit $150 million to an account number he is given or a passenger will die every 20 minutes. The text immediately converts Bill into hyper marshal mode, and he elicits help from fellow marshal Jack Hammond (Anson Mount), Jen, and air attendant Nancy Hoffman (“Downtown Abbey’s Michelle Dockery).

However, due to Bill’s checkered past and his alcoholism, the mystery bad guy, thanks to unintended help from a fellow passenger, is able to convince the TSA (Transportation Security Administration) that Bill is unfit for further duty. After several passengers die, Bill must not only stop the killings, but convince those on board and the TSA he is not a threat to them.

As if he doesn’t have enough to deal with, our hero discovers a bomb on board the plane, leading to even more chaos. Director Jaume Collet-Serra (“Unknown”) keeps the thrills coming at a fast and furious pace, but allows Neeson plenty of time to emote between his frantic efforts to keep everyone alive.

Speaking of Neeson, he was his usual wonderful self in the film, and never overshadows his fel-

low actors, except size-wise. This is one movie that kept me on the edge of my seat, even though some of the passengers were thrown out of theirs. The film made me want to fly first class, but did nothing to whet my appetite to hop a

flight anytime soon. All that was missing from “Non-Stop” were snakes, but that’s another movie.

However, if there is ever a sequel to “Snakes on a Plane” Neeson needs to be added to the cast. (Rated PG-13) B+

www.theloaferonline.com

March 11, 2014 • The Loafer, Page 33

Richard Petty holds the record at BMS for most top 10 finishes with a total of 37. Richard Petty and Darrell Waltrip are tied for the record at BMS for most top five finishes with 26 each.

Town Branch Bluegrass Band at Carter Fold, March 14th

Saturday, March 15th, 2014, at 7:30 p.m. the Carter Family Fold in Hiltons, Virginia, will present a concert by the Town Branch Bluegrass band. Admission to the concert is $10 for adults, $1 for children 6 to 11, under age 6 free.

As long as bluegrass music has echoed through the hills and valleys of the Appalachian region, musicians of all ages have gathered together to play and preserve their favorite style of music.

This southwestern Virginia group showcases the traditional songs of yesterday, along with the driving sound of a modern style. The group began doing back porch picking and performing at local events seven years ago. Town Branch Bluegrass is now one of the region’s hottest new bands.

The group features Brandon Elkins on banjo, Bill Newman on mandolin, Peggy Ely on bass, Shirley Smith on vocals, and Jack and Wayne Bonham on guitar and vocals. For further information on the band, go to http://townbranchbluegrass.com/.

For a night of some of the best bluegrass music the region has to offer, don’t miss Town Branch Bluegrass band at the Carter Fam-

ily Fold. Be sure to bring your friends along, and don’t forget your dancing shoes! Town Branch Bluegrass Band has become a Carter Fold favorite, and their concert will be a night of family, down-home fun. Come on out and join us!

Carter Family Memorial Music Center, Incorporated, is a nonprofit, rural arts organization established to preserve traditional, acoustic, mountain music. For further information on the center, go to http://www.carterfamilyfold. org. Shows from the Carter Family Fold can be accessed on the internet at http://www.carterfoldshow.com. Carter Music Center is part of the Crooked Road: Virginia’s Heritage Music Trail. You can visit the Crooked Road Music Trail site at http://thecrookedroad.org.

Partial funding for programs at the center is provided by the Virginia Commission for the Arts and the National Endowment for the Arts. For more information on Saturday’s concert, contact the Mountain Music Museum at 276-6450035. For recorded information on shows coming up at the Fold, call 276-386-6054.

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Friends of the Southwest Virginia Museum announce

St. Patrick’s Day Fundraiser, Featuring The O’Possum Playboys and MountainRose Vineyard

The Friends of the Southwest Virginia Museum are accepting ticket reservations for the St. Patrick’s Day Bash on Saturday, March 15th from 6 p.m. to 8 p.m.

“The O’Possum Playboys, Featuring Ron Short” will provide entertainment to accompany a selection of Irish-themed dinner options and a wine tasting with MountainRose Vineyard. The St. Patrick’s Day Bash offers an opportunity to enjoy a taste of Ireland in the Southwest Virginia Museum Historical State Park’s Victorian Parlor with an evening of flavorful foods and delectable music!

The O’Possum Playboys celebrate all the vibrant American folk music forms that have created a landscape of American culture unlike any other place on the planet.

The Playboys are keeping alive and vibrant the tradition of bands that once traveled the roads of Appalachia and America, playing music that pleases and satisfies the eternal human longing for dance and fun. Featuring fiddle tunes of the Scots Irish and the Cajun accordion, The Playboys play a lively mix of Appalachian jam band music from “swamp to swing” that sets feet tapping, hips swinging, and people singing. While the musical traditions may be familiar,

the songs and interpretations are fresh and new.

The wine tasting will be provided by MountainRose Vineyard of Wise, VA. MountainRose produces a small number of cases of wine annually from hand-picked and hand-sorted grapes to ensure quality. Most of the grapes go to their classic “mines to wines” series with fun coal seam names, such as Jawbone and Pardee, and the rest head to the new varietal line of premium wines, such as Riesling and Cab Franc. MountainRose entered their first wine, Autumn Gold Vidal Blanc, into competition in 2007, winning a gold medal in the dessert wine

competition and Best of Show in the Virginia State Fair. They have also won two Best of Shows and one Best of Reds as well as many individual awards.

The ticket price for the St. Patrick’s Day Bash is $20.00 per person, which includes dinner and the show. Beverages provided by MountainRose Vineyard must be purchased separately. All ages are welcome; children must be accompanied by an adult. The event is limited to 44 participants, so purchase your ticket today! The registration and payment deadline is Friday, March 7th.

All proceeds from the St. Patrick’s Day Bash support the Friends of the Southwest Virginia Museum, a 501(c)3 nonprofit organization.

The mission of the Friends of the Southwest Virginia Museum is to act as a Citizens Support Organization (CSO) in assisting to identify and promote activities to conserve, enhance, and interpret the cultural and historic resources of the Southwest Virginia Museum.

For more information, or to purchase tickets, please contact the Southwest Virginia Museum Historical State Park at (276) 523-1322.

www.theloaferonline.com

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Junior Johnson is the all-time winningest car owner at Bristol Motor Speedway with 21 wins. Second on the list is Jack Roush with nine.

It’s Bristol, Baby!

Photos by Mark Marquette

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Sycamore Shoals Fiber Fair Saturday, March 15th Have you ever watched the skillful hands of an expert spinner and marveled at how the fiber flowed so swiftly through those fingers to become thread? Has a weaver ever mesmerized you by the rhythmic passing of the shuttle back and forth, back and forth, creating beautiful cloth?

Have you ever wanted to experience spinning or weaving for yourself? Maybe you need some tips on knitting or crocheting? Perhaps you want to buy some beautiful yarn.

If so, come to the 11th annual Fiber Fair on March 15 at Sycamore Shoals State Park in Elizabethton, TN. and meet these amazing artisans. The Fair is open from 10:00 to 4:00 and is hosted by The OverMountain Weaver’s Guild.

Guild members will be on hand all day to answer questions or provide helpful hints for all fiber lovers. Educational exhibits will show native dyes, fiber made from native plants, and the “Baatny Goat” project from Roan Mountain. Demonstrations will be given on floor looms and inkle looms, on drop spindling and spinning on a wheel, and on the art of Japanese braiding known as Kumihimo.

A wide assortment of vendors will offer hand-made items including scarves, placemats, table runners, quilts, mittens, jewelry and more. Fleeces, yarn and equipment will also be available. Live alpacas will greet visitors at the door!

Once again Powers’ Coffee will provide delicious hot food and beverages for breakfast, lunch or snacks.

Fiber Fair is a wonderful, free event for the entire family. Come and join the OverMountain Weavers for a fun, educational day.

For more information call Sycamore Shoals State Historic Area at 423-543-5808. www.tnstateparks.com/parks/ about/sycamore-shoals www.sycamoreshoalstn.org

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2014 Marks BMS Milestones for Some of NASCAR’s Biggest Names A simple definition of anniversary is just that, simple; rather dull actually.

One such description reads: The annual recurrence of the date of an event that took place in a preceding year.

Ho hum, right? Not much excitement in that explanation. But anniversaries of certain events are special, usually because of the moment itself, sometimes because of the year: 10th, 20th, 25th, 50th anniversary.

We celebrate them. Even name them. Sometimes after precious metals -- like Silver and Gold -- to commemorate

memorable times.

Spring often brings reflection as well. Warmer weather, flowers budding and trees blooming. So as the spring NASCAR events at Bristol Motor Speedway approach, let’s look back at some anniversaries of moments from The Last Great Colosseum.

50 YEARS

March 1964: Driving the famed Holman-Moody No. 28 Ford, “Fast Freddie” Lorenzen started second and finished first, leading 494 laps in the process, to win the Southeastern 500. Fireball Roberts started third and finished second, the only other driver on the lead lap. It was Lorenzen’s second of three straight wins at Bristol.

40 YEARS

March 1974: From the early to the mid-70s, if a driver wanted to win at Bristol Motor Speedway, he had

to go through Cale Yarborough to do it. Yarborough accumulated nine wins at BMS during his Hall-of-Fame career. One was 40 years ago this spring. Yarborough led 367 laps and was the only driver to finish on the lead lap in the Southeastern 500.

Bobby Isaac, Benny Parsons,

Bobby Allison and Donnie Allison completed the top five, respectively, in a brutal race of attrition. Only 11 of the 30 starters were running at the finish.

35 YEARS

April 1979: Thirty-five years ago this spring Buddy Baker started on the pole and three different driv-

ers led more than 100 laps in the Southeastern 500. It was the driver who led the last 27 who made history on this day. In just his 16th career start in the “Cup” Series, Dale Earnhardt earned the first of his 76 career wins - nine at Bristol, finishing three seconds ahead of Bobby Continued on page 39

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March 11, 2014 • The Loafer, Page 39 else did after that. Busch led the final 119 laps for his third straight win at Bristol Motor Speedway.

Then like Jeff Gordon, Dale Earnhardt, Alan Kulwicki, Rusty Wallace, Bill Elliott, Terry Labonte and many more, Busch parlayed his win at the Last Great Colosseum into a great season and a NASCAR Sprint Cup championship. Rusty Wallace, Kevin Harvick, Sterling Marlin and Matt Kenseth were the rest of the top five finishers.

Continued on page 38

Allison. Darrell Waltrip, Richard Petty and Benny Parsons rounded out the top five finishers.

30 YEARS

April 1984: Five years after Dale Earnhardt won on April Fool’s Day, Darrell Waltrip did the same.

But more than that, Waltrip’s win in the Valleydale 500 was his SEVENTH in a row at Bristol - a streak considered today to be almost untouchable. Like much of Yarborough’s success in the 70s driving for Junior Johnson, Waltrip’s seven straight came in cars built in Johnson’s Wilkes County, N.C., shop. Waltrip took the lead from Tim Richmond and led the last 44 laps for his historical win.

25 YEARS

April 1989: Rusty Wallace’s Sprint Cup Championship season was off to a great start and just got better at Bristol Motor Speedway. Greg Sacks led more than anyone and he and Wallace swapped the point three times in the closing laps before Wallace took it for good with 63 to go to win the Valleydale Meats 500. Darrell Waltrip, Geoffrey Bodine, who left Bristol the

point leader, Davey Allison and at Bristol Motor Speedway. The Dick Trickle, in that order, made surprise pole winner was Chuck up the rest of the top five.

Bown, starting up front for car 20 YEARS owner Bobby Allison, well ahead April 1994: Dale Earnhardt did of Earnhardt, who rolled off deep not take the lead until lap 318, in the field in 24th . It took more but he did he did not give it up, than half the race for Earnhardt running up front for the final 183 to work himself into position, but circuits to win the Food City 500, once he got there, it was over for ending a five-year winless streak the rest of the field. Ken Schrader,

Lake Speed, Geoffrey Bodine and Michael Waltrip finished second through fifth, respectively. Earnhardt left Bristol in the point lead and finished there for his seventh and final series championship.

10 YEARS

March 2004: Nine different drivers led the Food City 500 before Kurt Busch took his turn, but no one

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Get ready Johnson City, Tennessee, the First Annual Northeast Tennessee Wiffle World Series is coming April 5th to benefit the Johnson City School’s Foundation. The Johnson City School’s Foundation is a fundraising organization who raises monies to purchase needed items such as technology for the school system.

“We have always wanted to host a wiffle ball tournament in the Tri-Cities,” stated coordinator Travis Woodall with Positive

Approach Events. “Then when we had the opportunity to present a few ideas to the JC School’s Foundation, we knew it would be a hit..no pun intended.”

The event will take place on Saturday April 5, 2014. Registrations are currently open for teams and sponsors on the website.

For more information on organizing a team or the event information please visit the website at www.netnwiffleworldseries.com.

MPCC offering Line Dance Workshop Memorial Park Community Center, 510 Bert St., will offer a workshop on line dancing from 6-9 p.m. on March 15 and April 26. This program is open to adults ($8) and youth ages 5-12 ($5). Youth participants must be accompanied by an adult.

Inside a car

Rachel Pearson will offer instruction for all levels, from beginner to advanced, using a variety of contemporary dance moves and musical genres. Light refreshments will be served.

Please call 434-5749 for more information.

Photo by Mark Marquette

March 11, 2014 • The Loafer, Page 41

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Someone Other Than Clarissa Explains it All

I’ve recently begun reading the new book Slimed! An Oral History of Nickelodeon’s Golden Age

by Mathew Klickstein. It’s exactly what you think it is, a book full of history, details, and info on all those great old Nick shows that filled our heads, and that are still with an entire generation. The book covers the kid’s network from around 1985-1998, with a forward written by Marc Summers (the host of Double Dare) and an afterword by Artie, The Strongest Man in the World, this book is an ideal read for anyone who grew up in the late 80s and early 90s.

Did you know that the costume designer for Mad Men was also the costume designer on The Adventures of Pete & Pete? Yep, from Artie to Don Draper, who would have thunk it? There’s also details on projects that never came to be, perhaps the most disappointingly, is the story of how Nickelodeon and Paramount Pictures were going to make a movie based on Are You Afraid of The Dark?, the kids “spooky tales and horror” show that was a part of the Saturday night programming block. Things went as far as having a full script completed, the film was never made as Paramount didn’t think they could market a “kids horror movie.”

Klickstein interviewed over 250 different people for this book, everyone from cast, crew, writers, producers, and even the president of Nickelodeon during the golden years Geraldine Laybourne, known to any reader of Nickelode-

on Magazine back in the day from their “Ask the Boss Lady” section.

Some of the best quotes in the book come from her. A particular favorite from Laybourne, is on the day they shot the first episode of Double Dare (the show which help put Nickelodeon on the map).

“The first day that we shot, I’m sitting in the bleachers and the set is so spectacular. The kids have never seen anything like this. The doors open, the kids come in. It was electric. I have never heard so many little kids swear in all my life. It was fantastic.”

The chapters are organized by topic, not by show, which can make the reading get a little dis-

jointed, but it’s never too hard to get caught up. An section in the back of the book explains who everyone is. It may be best to read this first, as I found I looked to it often to be reminded about who was who. And in case you’re wondering Slimed! does in fact reveal what was in the recipe for Green Slime—there was around four different versions.

If you grew up as a Nick Kid, and this writer was most definitely one of those, the book is a nostalgic, fun read. Mathew Klickstein has written what is quite possibly the first serious pop culture book of my generation. Turning on Nickelodeon now reveals a channel full of shows that could be on any other channel for kids. But Slimed celebrates that time when the shows of Nickelodeon were different both visually, and in content. It was Kid’s Television like no one had done before, or since, and reading Slimed will make you appreciate it all even more. See you next week.

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Appearing at

Acoustic Coffeehouse mer. He was hit by a car skateboarding down one of the steep hills SF is known for. A true blessing it was. As a friend came to visit, they sat with a guitar across each other’s lap, him with the neck playing chords and Max, with a background in percussion, had the strings learning to pick. He traded his wheels in for some strings and sat for the rest of the summer with the guitar under his broken wing.

After leaving art school in Philadelphia, he lived in his studio across from the foundry he worked at. Some days would go on for twelve hours and crawling back to his studio at 10 or 11, Max would sit down with a guitar, blink, and hours would pass. Realizing this need to escape from the city, soon enough he found himself on a bus Tuesday, March 11th with 5 other musicians and artists The guitar first came to Max heading across the country. And Doyle while he was living in San as the classic story goes, he was Fransisco for a long, elated sum- “passing through” Asheville and

Max Doyle the Dead Truth

Brandon Reid

Thursday, March 13th Mitchell County singer/songwriter Brandon Reid started off never left. singing hymns with his grandma Since being in Asheville, his to nursing home patients when he music has evolved into a series of was 19 years old. His grandma stories that weave parallel lives taught him three guitar chords and throughout time; ancient mytholBrandon went from there, playing ogy reflected through modern rock and roll and eventually tourmetaphor from a place of personal ing the country with old school experience. His songs paint the punk band ‘The Scurvies’ of Fairenvironment and emotions for the banks, Alaska. After leaving the music to carry you through. He band, Brandon decided to hit the describes his writing process as an extraction of old stories from the mountains; the truths older than time that were lost and forgotten and without language, yet.

The Dead Truth is not only an insistence on the truth but also that which binds us to this life in the ways words know no place.

He just finished putting together an album of one such tale, “SATYAGRAHA”, under the guise, The Dead Truth, as a proclamation to resurface the light within the cold, dark stones.

road with a backpack and his guitar, and spent the next three years traveling across the United States, Australia, and New Zealand, returning home to the states to record his first full length album, ‘Stuck in the City’ at the Kung Fu Bakery in Portland, Oregon. It’s a compilation of his gospel roots and his experiences on the road, and of a reckoning within himself and love lived and lost. He will be performing at The Acoustic Coffeehouse with his wife Elizabeth, of Nashville based Oh Dang Lo Mein, Thursday, March 13th @ 10pm.

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Darrin Bradbury

Thursday, March 13th It has been said that “no living artist better illustrates man’s affection for self-deprication better than Darrin Bradbury.” Since the disbursement of his critically acclaimed New Jersey thrash folk band, Big Wilson River, Bradbury has been developing his solo career. Much of this development has involved not much more than his guitar, strangers’ couches, a Ford Focus and that never-ending road on which it travels. But the shear power and wit of Bradbury’s performance is what has allowed him to pack so light. With eight years of traveling and performing under his belt, Bradbury can with ease convey more reflective or poignant moments without ever dulling the visceral, humor-laden sharpness he has always been able to produce.

Currently, Bradbury is based in Nashville. He plans to release a new album in February. He will be returning to Acoustic Coffeehouse in Johnson City on Thursday, March 13th. Check out Darrin on facebook at https://www.facebook.com/DarrinBradburyMusic

March 11, 2014 • The Loafer, Page 43

Scratch River Telegraph Company Scratch River Telegraph Company will be returning to The Acoustic Coffeehouse on March 15th. The party starts at 10pm and will be a blast. Scratch River, a band based out of Wise, VA, features T-bone on lead vocals and guitar, Joel Sprinkle on bass and vocals and Aaron Helbert on drums and percussion. Their sound blends rock and roll with blues, folk, and mountain music. They have shared the stage with national acts such as the Delta Saints and the Steepwater Band, as well as regional and local bands such as Wayne Graham, the Rickshaw Roadshow, and Folk Soul Revival. They had two shows at last year’s Bristol Rhythm and Roots Reunion and have a large following around the Tricities.

Storytelling is just as important to the songs of Scratch River Telegraph Company as the music itself. They share stories of loss and tragedy in songs such as “The Flood” and “She Never Left a Note,” tales of crazy times as

heard in “Wild One,” and warn of the dangers of living too fast in tunes like “On the Run.” Their two albums, Forty Days and Good Evening Friends & Strangers, are full of all of this and more. Scratch River Telegraph Company also enjoys playing the occasional cover, with songs like “Circles” and “Super Bon Bon” by Soul Coughing, “I’m Gonna Be (500 Miles)” by the

Proclaimers, “The One After 909” by the Beatles, and “Hotel Yorba” by the White Stripes.

To read more about Scratch River Telegraph Company you can check them out on Facebook at www.facebook.com/scratchrivertelegraphcompany or preview their music for free on www. reverbnation.com/scratchrivertelegraphcompany.

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Park-and-Ride Options Allow BMS Guests To Let Someone Else Do the Driving

Decisions for race fans and guests of Bristol Motor Speedway on where to park and how to get in and out are a bit easier to make with park and ride shuttle options in the region.

Two options, one in Tennessee and one in Virginia, give fans various choices to let someone else do the driving to the NASCAR events at Bristol Motor Speedway March 15 and 16.

Current locations are: Sullivan Central High School at Tennessee Exit 66 -- 113 Shipley Ferry Road in Blountville, Tenn., -- and Sugar Hollow Park in the Exit 7 area of Bristol, Va. At least one more location at Exit 7 is expected to be added soon.

“This is an expansion of the program we have had for two or three years now,” said Jerry Caldwell, executive vice president and general manager of Bristol Motor Speedway.

“One of the main questions new fans ask is ‘where do I park,’ and one of the main issues we have heard from locals is traffic. By offering various locations in the area, guests can let someone else deal with parking and traffic. They just ride.”

Details of departure times and costs from each location follow.

Saturday March 15, Drive to Stop Diabetes

300, presented by Lilly Diabetes and PittLite 125: •• Sullivan Central: Departure times to BMS 9:00, 10:15 and 11:30 a.m. Shuttles leave BMS 45 minutes after the race. Cost: $10 each way and riders pay as they board.

•• Sugar Hollow Park, (On Lee Highway between Exits 10 and 7) Bristol, Va.: Shuttles depart for BMS starting at 9 a.m. and run at the top of every hour until 2 p.m. Shuttles leave BMS 45 minutes after the race. Cost: $10 and riders pay as they board.

Sunday March 16, Food City 500: •• Sullivan Central: Departure times to BMS 9:00, 10:15 and 11:30 am. Shuttles leave BMS 45 minutes after the race. Cost: $10 and riders pay as they board.

•• Sugar Hollow Park, (On Lee Highway between Exits 10 and 7) Bristol, Va.: Shuttles depart for BMS starting at 9 a.m. and run at the top of every hour until 1 p.m. Shuttles leave BMS 45 minutes after the race. Cost: $10 and riders pay as they board.

Tickets for the March 15 doubleheader start at just $35 and $65 for the March 16 Food City 500. Weekend packages for all three races are available for as low as $89. Fans may call (855) 580-5525 or visit www.bristoltix. com to experience this spring’s battle on the high banks of the Last Great Colosseum.

Page 46, The Loafer • March 11, 2014

THE BIG TEST New And Improved (?)

Fans of standardized testing should take note of the latest plans to foist a new and improved SAT on our current generation of high school students awaiting entrance into college. According to a Washington Post online article by Nick Anderson, the “SAT college admission test will no longer require a timed essay, will dwell less on fancy vocabulary and will return to the familiar 1600-point scoring scale in a major overhaul intended to open doors to higher education for student who are now shut out.” In other words, get ready for more standardized testing, which has been shown to be a rather ineffective way to judge academic success for most of its nefarious 88-year history. About the only people who rejoice at the prospect of more standardized testing are those who manufacture No. 2 pencils or testing software. Although standardized testing has very little to do with learning, we continue putting up with it because it provides an easy, though generally meaningless, way to classify student achievement.

Of course, the SAT competes with ACT for students and col-

say, essays are much more difficult to grade than the standard array of multiple-choice/guess and true-false/but not-somewhere-inbetween types of questions.

In an interesting yet problematic statement, College Board President David Coleman admits, “’It is time for an admission that makes it clear that the road to success is not last-minute tricks or cramming, but the learning students do over the years.’” He concludes that the new and improved SAT “’will no longer stand apart from . . . daily studies and learning.’” To me this is a pretty articulate argument for why we should abandon standardized testing in favor of skills-based and project-based assessments that do not include the ability to fill in circles as one of lege admissions. Both assessment “punctilious,” “phlegmatic,” and their objectives. systems are based on the idea “occlusion” that seems to be too If we must cling to the myth that, with testing, Americans can “obscure” for today’s students. that standardized testing has anyevolve into a nation based on mer- These words will supposedly be thing to do with learning, why itocracy rather than aristocracy. replaced by terms that are more not at least make it relevant? For In a letter written to John Adams familiar and useful to today’s stu- instance, a true standardized test in 1813, former President Thomas dents. We can only hope we will would be collaborative in nature, Jefferson rhapsodized about his be seeing “selfie” and “twerking” with students huddled together dream of establishing a “natural on future vocabulary tests. solving problems rather than sitaristocracy” that would define the Also eliminated “will be a ting isolated from one another in merits of citizens, not by standards much-reviled rule that deducts regimented rows or in computer based on wealth and birth, but by a quarter-point for each wrong labs. And let’s include questions a selection process based on talent answer to multiple-choice ques- based on film and music literacy. and “genius.” Thus were the seeds tions, deterring random guesses.” Every student should be familiar of standardized testing born, al- How we can really differentiate with the history of film as well as though I doubt Jefferson would between guessing and certainty the history of music. Let’s start be very enthusiastic about stan- is truly anyone’s guess. Wonder confronting students with quesdardized testing as the ideal way if the powers that be ever consid- tions like “What was Alfred Hitchto create this natural aristocracy. ered getting rid of multiple-choice cock’s last film?” or “When did the Jefferson’s words, however, were questions entirely—questions that Beatles first appear on the Ed Sullimusic to the ears of James Bryant bear very little or no resemblance van Show?” Actually, there should Conant, the Harvard president to what learning is like in the so- be no multiple-choice or true-false who was one of the masterminds called “real world”? behind the SAT and the dream of Even more enigmatic is why a American democracy being trans- decision has been made to make formed into a meritocracy of test- the essay portion optional, betakers. cause essays are arguably the only The new and improved SAT, truly valuable way to gauge a stuwhich will be first adminis- dent’s capacity for communication tered to unsuspecting students and critical thinking in a written in 2016, promises to eliminate form (a quality of mind, we might “SAT Words” on the vocabulary add, that is not compatible with portion of the test—words like filling in little circles). Needless to

questions on the test. Everything should be based on critical thinking questions like “Who is the better novelist—F. Scott Fitzgerald or J.K. Rowling? And why?” And testing should be “open book,” with each student or student groups, having full access to all available information resources (just like they will when they enter the workforce). And I believe that math and science questions can exhibit critical thinking as well as creativity. Learning should not be a secretive possession, but a shared community resource (i.e. what might be called “cheating” on a test can just as easily be called collaboration in the “real world.”).

If you are interested in learning more about the evolution of standardized testing, let me recommend Nicholas Lemann’s very enlightening The Big Test: The Secret History Of The American Meritocracy (1999), a scholarly (yet very readable) expose of the false hope that a “one size fits all” testing mentality will lead to a more educated workforce based on meritocracy instead of aristocracy. A truly new and improved SAT might consist of a few blank pages that encourages creativity and may even allow the student to create his or her own very personal SAT. Before I start getting hate mail for standardized testing proponents, let me shut this down for another week while you find something interesting to learn.

Hopefully you won’t have to look very far.

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