Page 2, The Loafer • December 17, 2013
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Volume 28 Issue #2
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Page 4, The Loafer • December 17, 2013
A Visit from St. Nicholas A Visit from St. Nicholas by Clement Clark Moore ‘Twas the night before Christmas, when all through the house Not a creature was stirring, not even a mouse; The stockings were hung by the chimney with care, In hopes that St. Nicholas soon would be there; The children were nestled all snug in their beds, While visions of sugar-‐plums danced in their heads; And mamma in her ’kerchief, and I in my cap, Had just settled our brains for a long winter’s nap, When out on the lawn there arose such a clatter, I sprang from the bed to see what was the matter. ϐ ϐ ǡ Tore open the shutters and threw up the sash. The moon on the breast of the new-‐fallen snow Gave the lustre of mid-‐day to objects below, When, what to my wondering eyes should appear, But a miniature sleigh, and eight tiny reindeer, With a little old driver, so lively and quick, I knew in a moment it must be St. Nick. More rapid than eagles his coursers they came, And he whistled, and shouted, and called them by name; “Now, Dasher! now, Dancer! now, Prancer and Vixen! On, Comet! on, Cupid! on, Donder and Blitzen! To the top of the porch! to the top of the wall! Now dash away! dash away! dash away all!” ϐ ǡ When they meet with an obstacle, mount to the sky; Ǧ ϐ ǡ With the sleigh full of Toys, and St. Nicholas too. And then, in a twinkling, I heard on the roof The prancing and pawing of each little hoof. As I drew in my head, and was turning around, Down the chimney St. Nicholas came with a bound. He was dressed all in fur, from his head to his foot, And his clothes were all tarnished with ashes and soot; ϐ ǡ And he looked like a pedler just opening his pack. His eyes—how they twinkled! his dimples how merry! His cheeks were like roses, his nose like a cherry! His droll little mouth was drawn up like a bow And the beard of his chin was as white as the snow; The stump of a pipe he held tight in his teeth, And the smoke it encircled his head like a wreath; He had a broad face and a little round belly, That shook when he laughed, like a bowlful of jelly. He was chubby and plump, a right jolly old elf, And I laughed when I saw him, in spite of myself; A wink of his eye and a twist of his head, Soon gave me to know I had nothing to dread; He spoke not a word, but went straight to his work, ϐ Ǣ ǡ ϐ ǡ And giving a nod, up the chimney he rose; He sprang to his sleigh, to his team gave a whistle, ϐ ǡ But I heard him exclaim, ere he drove out of sight, “Happy Christmas to all, and to all a good-‐night.”
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Christmas Bells by Henry Wadsworth Longfellow I heard the bells on Christmas Day Their old, familiar carols play, And wild and sweet The words repeat Of peace on earth, good-‐will to men! And thought how, as the day had come, The belfries of all Christendom Had rolled along The unbroken song Of peace on earth, good-‐will to men! Till ringing, singing on its way, The world revolved from night to day, A voice, a chime, A chant sublime Of peace on earth, good-‐will to men! Then from each black, accursed mouth The cannon thundered in the South, And with the sound The carols drowned Of peace on earth, good-‐will to men! It was as if an earthquake rent The hearth-‐stones of a continent, And made forlorn The households born Of peace on earth, good-‐will to men! And in despair I bowed my head; “There is no peace on earth,” I said; “For hate is strong, And mocks the song Of peace on earth, good-‐will to men!” Then pealed the bells more loud and deep: “God is not dead, nor doth He sleep; The Wrong shall fail, The Right prevail, With peace on earth, good-‐will to men.”
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Page 6, The Loafer • December 17, 2013
The Best Christmas Pageant Ever
Kingsport Renaissance Theatre December 19th-22nd Kingsport  Theatre  Guild  proudly  presents Â
The Â
Best Â
Christmas Â
Pageant  Ever  by  Barbara  Robinson   December  19th-Ââ€?22nd  2013  at  the Â
beautiful  Renaissance  Theatre  in  Kingsport.   In  this  hilarious  Christmas  classic,  a  couple  struggling  to  put  on  a  church  Christmas  pageant  is  faced  with  casting  the  Herdman  Kids–  probably  the  most  inventively  awful  kids  in  history.  You  won’t  believe  the  mayhem  –  and  the  fun  –  when  the  Herdmans  collide  with  the  Christmas  story  head  on!   Make  this  part  of  your  Christmas  celebrations  for  the  whole  family.   Special  group  rates  available  to  school  groups. Performances:  December  19th-Ââ€? 22nd    Tickets  are  $12.00 School  Performances  offered  December  19th  and  20th Dec  19th  at  10am  (School  Group  Rates  Offered) Dec  19th  at  7pm Dec  20th  at  10am  (School  Group  Rates  Offered) Dec  20th  at  7pm Dec  21st  at  2pm Dec  21st  at  7pm Dec  22nd  at  2pm  Visit  http://kingsporttheatre. org/  for  more  information  and  to Â
purchase  tickets  in  advanced  or  call  (423)  392-Ââ€?8427 Serving  the  Region  since  1947,  the  Kingsport  Theatre  Guild,  INC.  is  one  of  the  oldest  community  theatres  in  the  state,  in  continuous  operation  since  1947.  J.  Fred  Johnson,  one  of  Kingsport  city  founders,  may  have  been  the  …‹–›ǯ• Ď?‹”•– ’”‘Â?‹Â?‡Â?– Š‡•’‹ƒÂ?Ǥ He  appeared  in  a  1920  theatrical  production  titled  “Everybody’s  —•„ƒÂ?†dz ˆ‘” –Š‡ „‡Â?‡Ď?‹– ‘ˆ –Š‡ future  public  library.  It  wasn’t  until  ͳ͚͜͝ǥ ÂŠÂ‘Â™Â‡Â˜Â‡Â”ÇĄ –Šƒ– ƒÂ? ‘ˆĎ?‹…‹ƒŽ community  theater  was  formed  and  Kingsport  Theatre  Guild  ’”‡•‡Â?–‡† ‹–• Ď?‹”•– ˆ‘”Â?ƒŽ ‘ˆˆ‡”‹Â?‰ǥ “Yes  and  No.â€?  Through  the  years,  the  Kingsport  Theatre  Guild  has  performed  in  a  variety  of  venues,  including  a  barn  on  a  Eden’s  Ridge,  School  auditorium,  Church  Fellowship  halls,  a  community  center  on  Sullivan  Street,  a  Fine  Arts  Center  on  Church  Circle,  and,  currently,  at  the  Renaissance  Arts  Center.  In  1992,  KTG  expanded  its  Board  of  Directors  to  include  more  community  representatives,  ƒÂ?† ‹Â? ͳ͝͝; Š‹”‡† ‹–• Ď?‹”•– •–ƒˆˆ person.  Since  that  time  much  has  been  accomplished.  Growing  ƒ—†‹‡Â?…‡• ƒÂ?† ‹Â?…”‡ƒ•‹Â?‰ Ď?‹Â?ƒÂ?…‹ƒŽ support  from  local  businesses  and  individuals  have  enabled  the  Kingsport  Theatre  Guild  to  offer  a  year-Ââ€?round  schedule  of  musicals,  dramas,  comedies  and  thrillers,  as Â
well  as  children’s  theatre  produced  •’‡…‹Ď?‹…ƒŽŽ› ˆ‘” school  groups.  For  an  arts  organization  to  exist  for  more  than  50  years  requires  the  vision,  commitment  and  determination  of  many  people.  The  Kingsport  Theatre  Guild  appreciates  the  business  and  individuals  who  support  Community  Theater  through  sponsorship,  membership,  volunteerism,  or  by  the  attendance  of  their  productions. „‘—– –Š‡ ˆĎ?‹…‡ ‘ˆ —Ž–—”ƒŽ ”–• &  Engage  Kingsport City  of  Kingsport  Mission:  To  provide  economic,  educational  and  quality  of  life  opportunities  that  create  a  safe,  vibrant  and  diverse  Community. Š‡ ˆĎ?‹…‡ ‘ˆ —Ž–—”ƒŽ ”–•ǥ ’ƒ”– of  the  City  of  Kingsport,  connects,  coordinates  and  engages  the  public  with  a  creative  community.   It  operates  a  public  art  program,  concert  and  theatrical  events,  the  Kingsport  Carousel  Project,  the  Carousel  Fine  Craft  Show  and  a  broad  range  of  support  to  the  area’s  arts  organizations.   They  work  in  tandem  with  Engage  Kingsport,  Inc.,  the  “Friends  of  the  Cultural  Artsâ€?  group,  a  private,  volunteer-Ââ€?
Ž‡† ÍˇÍ˛ÍłČ‹Â…ČŒÍľ Â?‘Â?nj’”‘Ď?‹– …‘Â?Â?—Â?‹–› organization. Š‡ ‹–› ‘ˆ ‹Â?‰•’‘”– ˆĎ?‹…‡ of  Cultural  Arts  and  Engage  Kingsport’s  goals  are  to  collaborate  with  a  variety  of  arts  organizations  as  well  as  non-Ââ€?arts  organizations,  with  the  aim  of  increasing  opportunities  and  outlets  for  artists  of  all  types.  As  Kingsport  becomes  a  destination  for  artists  and  art  enthusiasts,  new  markets  and  ‘’’‘”–—Â?‹–‹‡• ‡Â?‡”‰‡Ǥ Š‡ ˆĎ?‹…‡ ‘ˆ Cultural  Arts  and  Engage  Kingsport  are  dedicated  to  cultivating  cultural  assets  and  promoting  them  as  vehicles  for  economic  and  community  development. For  more  information  contact  –Š‡ ‹–› ‘ˆ ‹Â?‰•’‘”– ˆĎ?‹…‡ ‘ˆ Cultural  Arts  at  (423)  392-Ââ€?8414  or  log  on  to  www.EngageKingsport. com
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December 17, 2013 • The Loafer, Page 7
Book Signing At Erwin Library For Clinchfield No. 1 Authors December 20th A special holiday book signing will be held at the Col. J.F. Toney Memorial Library in Erwin for ϐ Railroad book. Authors A.J. “Alf” Peoples and Mark A. Stevens will sign copies of their new book, “The One & Only: A ϐ No. 1,” Friday, Dec. 20, from 4:30-‐
5:45 p.m. at Unicoi County’s public library, which, appropriately, is housed in the former and historic ϐ Ǥ The book is a 148-‐page, hardcover book that includes hundreds of photos of the famed ϐ Ǥ ͳǡ days with the Ohio River & Charleston and the Black Mountain railroads to her celebrated days with Erwin-‐ ϐ Railroad. Many of the photos had never been published before, and photos were donated for use in the book from all areas of the United States, including extraordinary, and
previously unseen, photos from ϐ Ǥ ͳǯ ʹǡʹʹͲǦ excursion to Tampa, Fla. After spending 13 years from 1955 until 1968 of non-‐use in the ǡ ϐ No. 1, originally constructed in 1882, had lost her shine. In fact, by 1968, she had begun to rust and rot away, but T.D. Moore, the ϐ ǯ ǡ found the 10-‐wheeler his second
day on the job. He asked if she could be rebuilt, and a team of ϐ workers (many pictured in the book) remade the engine between September and November 1968. The book chronicles the No. 1’s transformation from tarnished workhorse into a shiny, beautiful engine that would be used to pull excursions from Erwin throughout the South until 1979, when she
was retired to the B&O Railroad Museum in Baltimore, Md. “The One & Only” has garnered national media attention and has been featured on dozens of websites and TV programs and in newspapers and magazines around the United States, including the Washington Post, the Asheville (N.C.) Citizen-‐Times and the Knoxville News-‐Sentinel. The authors have special ties to Erwin. Peoples is an Erwin native ϐ was working aboard one of the ϐ Ǥ ͳǯ Ǥ He is a third-‐generation railroader and works as an engineer for CSX today. Stevens is a former publisher of The Erwin Record, working there from 1997 until 2011. The library is located at 201 Nolichucky Ave. in Erwin. For more information on the signing, call the library at 423-‐743-‐6533. The book is $29.95, plus tax. For those who can’t attend the book signing but would like a copy of the book, it is available through amazon.com or by calling Star Publishing at 423-‐542-‐4151.
Page 8, The Loafer • December 17, 2013
‘Twas the Night Before Christmas
The Barter Players at Barter Theatre Through December 21st “Twas the night before Christmas, and all through the house, not a creature was stirring, not even a mouse.” Thus begins the classic Christmas poem that has become a seasonal staple for children around the world since the 1800s. This holiday season, families can see the story brought to life by the Barter Players in a magical new musical version, presented December 3 – 21 on the Barter main stage. It’s Christmas Eve, 1823, and it looks like the holidays will not be so happy for Clem Moore, a hardworking newspaper writer. There’s no money to pay for his ill wife’s medical treatments or
even pay his rent, let alone give his family presents, and he has been given an impossible assignment – to write the best Santa Claus story ever written. Just when things are looking far from merry and bright for Clem, “out on the lawn there arose such a clatter” and what follows is a night of magic that not only changes his life forever, but also how the whole world celebrates Christmas. See the Barter Players present the wonder of that fateful night onstage as only they can. “Twas the Night Before Christmas” is a collaboration between Barter Playwright-‐ in-‐Residence Catherine Bush
and composer Mandy Williams, based on the poem “A Visit from St. Nicholas” by Clement Clark Moore. Earlier this season, the pair of audience favorites worked together on the Barter Players’ production of “Mother Goose: The Musical,” and they have previously partnered to bring the Christmas stories “Rudolph” and “Santa Claus is Coming to Town” to the stage. “‘Twas the Night Before Christmas” is sponsored by Dr. Timothy E. Collins Pediatric Dentistry. The Barter Players are sponsored by Alpha Natural Resources and Blue Ridge Public Television. For even more classic Christmas cheer, don’t forget to also see “A Christmas Story,” also playing at Barter Theatre through December 29, which is appropriate for all ages 5 and older. ϐ more information on The Barter Players and Barter Theatre’s holiday season performances, visit BarterTheatre.com or call (276) 628-‐3991. Photo: Sean Michael Flattery and Terrance Jackson
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Carter Family Fold Christmas Program December 21st
Saturday, December 21st, 2013, at 7:30 p.m. the Carter Family Fold in Hiltons, Virginia, will present a special Christmas program. In lieu of admission, please bring a donation of canned goods for the local food bank (suggested amount $8 per person). Those not bringing a canned goods donation are asked to make a donation of $8 for adults with all proceeds going to the Food Bank. Anyone under 12 will be admitted free of charge. Those ϐ foods, two-‐liter drinks, and cups, plates, or napkins. Christmas music will be performed as refreshments are served. Afterwards, we’ll have music by the Town Branch Bluegrass Band. Musicians donate their time for this special Christmas show. The Fold’s toy drive for needy children will also continue to the 21st. If you would like to contribute, please bring an unwrapped toy. As long as bluegrass music has echoed through the hills and valleys of the Appalachian region, musicians of all ages have gathered together to play and preserve their favorite style of music. Town Branch Bluegrass Band showcases the traditional songs of yesterday, along with the driving sound of a modern style. The group began doing back porch picking and performing at local events nearly
seven years ago, and they’re now one of the region’s hottest new bands. The Town Branch Bluegrass Band features Brandon Elkins on banjo, Bill Newman on mandolin, Peggy Ely on bass, Shirley Smith on vocals, and Jack and Wayne Bonham on guitar and vocals. For further information on the band, go to http://townbranchbluegrass. com/. Come out and join us at the Carter Family Fold for a special Appalachian Mountain Christmas celebration. It’s a great opportunity to hear some of the best music our region has to offer and to support a good cause at the same time. This year, more people than ever need assistance from our nation’s food banks. Many of them simply don’t have enough resources to help everyone in need. Help us make this a record year for the amount of canned goods donated. The A.P. Carter birthplace cabin will be specially decorated in the mountain Christmas tradition – including hand-‐strung popcorn garland. Spending time with us during our Christmas celebration will take
you back to a time when the true meaning of the season wasn’t lost in the commercial frenzy of modern-‐day Christmas. Carter Family Memorial Music ǡ ǡ ϐ ǡ rural arts organization established to preserve traditional, acoustic, mountain music. For further information on the center, go to http://www.carterfamilyfold.org. Shows from the Carter Family Fold can be accessed on the internet at http://www.carterfoldshow. com. Carter Music Center is part of the Crooked Road: Virginia’s Heritage Music Trail. You can visit the Crooked Road Music Trail site at http://thecrookedroad.org. Partial funding for programs at the center is provided by the Virginia Commission for the Arts and the National Endowment for the Arts. For recorded information on shows coming up at the Fold, call 276-‐ 386-‐6054. The Fold is on Facebook – page Carter Fold – and Twitter – Twitter @carterfoldinfo. To speak to a Fold staff member, call 276-‐ 594-‐0676.
Page 10, The Loafer • December 17, 2013
Christmas Sing-aLong with Rex Ward Broadmore December 19th For 45 years Rex Ward has been delighting citizens of the Tri-‐ Cities with beautiful music. For this Christmas season Ward is leading a Christmas Sing-‐a-‐Long at Broadmore Senior Living that will put you in the Holiday spirit a week before families celebrate Christmas. The event is scheduled for Thursday, December 19 at 3:30pm at Broadmore, located adjacent to Bristol Regional Medical Center.
Holston Valley High graduate Rex Ward holds a bachelors of Arts degree from Temple University, Theology Masters from Ridgedale Theological Seminary, and a ϐ Psychology. He is a member of the American Guild of Organists, the American Theater Organ Society, and also serves as the societies Chaplain. Ward’s love for people and music includes ministry, counseling, chaplaincy, and music therapy for Lakeshore Mental Health. Most notably Rex Ward has been the Paramount Center’s organist for seventeen years, and previously was Eastman Center organist for ϐ ǡ ǡ and presidential visits. He has played at many well-‐known venues, including, the Tennessee, Tivoli, Atlanta Fox, Tampa, and others yet highly favors the Paramount Center and the wonderfully special people of Bristol and Tri-‐ Cities. The Christmas Sing-‐a-‐Long is sponsored by Oakley-‐Cook Funeral Home and Crematory of Bristol. Oakley-‐Cook is also sponsoring their annual presentation of the classic movie “It’s a Wonderful Life” at the Paramount Center on Sunday, December 22 at 2:00pm. Admission is free; however, tickets are required and may be picked up ϐ Ǥ Ward will provide Christmas music on the Mighty Wurlitzer, beginning at 1:00pm. Refreshments will be served following the show. The Christmas Sing-‐a-‐Long at Broadmore Senior Living is free to the public. For details on this or other events at Broadmore, contact Tim Buchanan, 423-‐764-‐4622 or by e-‐mail info@broadmore-‐ bristol.com. Broadmore is located at 826 Meadowview Road, Bristol Tennessee, adjacent to the Bristol Regional Medical Center.
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December 17, 2013 • The Loafer, Page 11
Museum of Appalachia: Christmas Gathering: A Bountiful Southern Feast December 15th
The Museum of Appalachia continues the tradition of families and friends gathering around the table to celebrate the simple joys of the season with the 2nd Annual Christmas Gathering: A Bountiful Southern Feast. On Sunday, December 15, 2013 a large buffet of authentic Southern Christmas fare will be served from 11:30 am to 2:00 pm. Included in the buffet will be some of the dishes the Museum does best, chicken and
dumplings, sweet potato casserole, deviled eggs, iron skillet cornbread, and savory desserts. While dining in the Museum’s Heritage Hall, ϐ enjoying local, talented musicians playing songs of the Christmas season. Visitors are welcomed to tour Christmas in Old Appalachia before or after the Bountiful Southern Feast. During the day, special historical demonstrations will be taking place throughout the Village, including blacksmithing, sawmilling, weaving and sassafras tea brewing. The Anderson County chapter of the Sons of the Revolution will tell wintertime war stories around the encampment near the McClung Cabin. Seating for this family friendly event is limited; purchase tickets by December 9 to secure reservations. A self-‐guided tour of Christmas in Old Appalachia is included with each ticket. There are special offerings for this event for Museum Members.
Browse the hand-‐made gifts and regional books in the Shop at the Museum of Appalachia for unique Christmas gifts. Enjoy hot, southern country-‐style lunches, served daily from 11 a.m. to 2 p.m. in the Museum restaurant. Home-‐ made cakes, pies, cookies, and other holiday treats are available all day or can be made special to order for Christmas gatherings. For those seeking that perfect gift and a way to support the Museum, memberships to the Museum are available, providing a year of unlimited Museum visits, discounts on special events, and ϐ Ǥ December hours are 9 a.m. to 5 p.m. daily (9 a.m.-‐3 p.m. on Christmas Eve and closed Christmas Day). The Museum, a ϐ Ǧ Ǧ ϐ ǡ 16 miles north of Knoxville, one mile east of I-‐75, exit 122. For more information, call 865-‐494-‐ 7680, or visit the web site at www. museumofappalachia.org.
Page 12, The Loafer • December 17, 2013
Red Cross Urges Winter Blood Donations
Give something that means something and offer hope December 2013 — The holidays bring families and friends together to share in celebrations and special times of giving. But for families dealing with a cancer diagnosis or other major illness, the holidays ϐ Ǥ The American Red Cross’ Give
Something that Means Something winter campaign runs through Jan. 6, 2014, and encourages eligible donors to give something meaningful this holiday season by donating blood or platelets for hospital patients in need. Tuesday, December 17 American Red Cross, 818 Sunset Drive, Johnson City, 2:30 pm to 7:00 pm
Northeast Correctional Complex, Highway 67 East, Mountain City, 11:00 am to 3:30 pm, Call Kathy Poole at (423) 727-‐7387 Extension 1178. Wednesday, December 18 American Red Cross, 818 Sunset Drive, Johnson City, 8:00 am to 1:00 pm Saturday, December 21 American Red Cross, 818 Sunset Drive, Johnson City, 8:30 am to 5:30 pm, In Memory of Brittany Jo Hankal. Tuesday, December 24 American Red Cross, 818 Sunset Drive, Johnson City, 8:30 am to 1:00
pm Monday, December 30 American Red Cross, 818 Sunset
Drive, Johnson City, 12:00 pm to 7:00 pm Tuesday, December 31 American Red Cross, 818 Sunset Drive, Johnson City, 12:00 pm to 4:30 pm How to donate blood Simply call 1-‐800-‐RED CROSS (1-‐800-‐733-‐2767) or visit redcrossblood.org to make an appointment or for more information. All blood types are needed to ensure a reliable supply for patients. A blood donor card or driver’s license or two ϐ required at check-‐in. Individuals who are 17 years of age (16 with parental consent in some states), weigh at least 110 pounds and are in generally good health may be eligible to donate blood. High school students and other donors 18 years of age and younger also have to meet certain height and weight requirements. About the American Red Cross The American Red Cross shelters, feeds and provides emotional support to victims of disasters; supplies about 40 percent of the nation’s blood; teaches skills that save lives; provides international humanitarian aid; and supports military members and their families. The Red Cross is a not-‐for-‐ ϐ on volunteers and the generosity of the American public to perform its mission. For more information, please visit redcross.org or visit us on Twitter at @RedCross.
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December 17, 2013 • The Loafer, Page 13
John Hardy Performs One-Man Adaptation of A Christmas Carol Abingdon Senior Center December 21 & 22
John Hardy will be featured in a new one-‐ man adaptation of Charles Dickens’ A Christmas Carol on Saturday, December 21 and Sunday, December 22 at 3:00 pm each day at the Abingdon Senior Center. Hardy plays forty characters in the production. The performances are free of charge and are sponsored by the Friends of the Washington County Library as a holiday gift to the community. “It is a loyal adaptation of the book”, says Hardy. “A Christmas Carol is one of the best known stories in the world and I wanted to retain, as much as possible, the essence of the book in its original form.” The play follows the book, scene by scene. “Even though it is the same story as the book, the experience of actually watching an actor live through the events of a play is vastly different than simply hearing the story or reading the book. I get entirely caught up in the story as I am doing the play, and the audience goes right along with me.” ϐ play until the last, Hardy never leaves the stage and he never changes costumes. How then, does he manage to portray over forty characters? Hardy says, “Well, ǯ ϐ Ǥ ϐ by variations in accents and speech patterns as well as physical traits. Most of the time, when acting in a ϐ ǡ of creating one character, and that is ϐ ǡ ǫ ǯ job, to say the least. That challenge is also the reason this production is a unique event. Even if an audience member has seen a previous production of A Christmas Carol, they have not seen it done like this.” In working on A Christmas Carol,
Hardy found that the story had much more to offer than he originally believed: “I was surprised at how funny it was. Dickens has taken this serious subject and somehow made it funny. It is a celebration of the spirit of Christmas. That is the best word that I can think of in describing this piece: Celebration; it is a celebration.” Hardy has a special relationship with this story. “When I was living in New York City in the early 1980s, I was cast in an Off-‐Broadway production of A Christmas Carol. It ϐ York. Since then I have been in four different productions of A Christmas Carol so it is a special story for me, one that seems to follow me through my career. I suppose that is why I wanted to return to it by doing my own adaptation and taking on the seemingly impossible task of doing it as a one-‐man play.” In December, 2012, John performed A Christmas Carol to sold-‐out houses at the Duke City Repertory Theatre in Albuquerque, NM. “We had to add performances. The word of mouth spread like ϐ Ǥ it two and three times. I knew it was an excellent production but it was exhilarating to see
it so well received.” THE ALBUQUERQUE JOURNAL wrote: “John Hardy’s one-‐man version of A Christmas Carol... a stunning work of theatrical virtuosity. Run to see this; take the whole family. You will ϐ ϐ ǤǤǤǤ brings the story to life.... I’ve seen this story many times but never like this... it will be as if you ϐ time”. Hardy has had a thirty ϐ professional theatre, primarily at the Barter Theatre. He has worked all over the country and overseas. Over the course of his career John has directed over one hundred professional productions including Macbeth, A Midsummer Night’s Dream, Romeo and Juliet, Henry V, Julius Caesar, One Flew Over the Cuckoo’s Nest, Oedipus the King, Man of La Mancha, The Taming of the Shrew and others. As an actor Hardy has played many great roles including ǡ ǡ ϐ in The Glass Menagerie, Teach in American Buffalo and many others. In 2009 he played George in a national tour of Of Mice and Men. As a playwright he has had ϐ ϐ plays produced across the country and overseas. He is currently the Associate Artist at Barter Theatre. A Christmas Carol runs ϐ minutes and is performed in one act. It is appropriate for audiences of any age but is best suited for ages ten and above. It will be free of charge, but donations will be accepted. There will be a holiday reception following the performance.
Page 14, The Loafer • December 17, 2013
Journey’s End
Historic Downtown Bristol December 17th On Tuesday, December 17th (inclement weather date is Thursday, December 19th) at 6:30 PM, Journey’s End will again take place in Historic Downtown Bristol! Starting at the Downtown Center and ending in Cumberland Square Park, Journey’s End is Bristol’s local interpretation of the Latino tradition of Las Posadas (The Inns). Mary and Joseph’s journey to Bethlehem is recreated as they go from inn to inn seeking lodging and ϐ celebrates their arrival. How does Bristol Celebrate
Journey’s End? Our inns are several downtown businesses and our innkeepers are various choirs and choral groups from the Bristol area. We will begin at the Downtown Center then process by candlelight with Mary and Joseph singing the traditional songs and various carols accompanied by instrumentalists. This year Mary will be played by Clair Morison and Joseph will be Adam Gambrell. Along the way choirs from Redeemer Lutheran Church will be at Shanghai; Emmanuel Episcopal Church at Benjamin Walls Gallery; First Presbyterian Church at 620 State Street Restaurant; State Street United Methodist Church at KP Duty; and Central Presbyterian ϐ Ǥ ϐ will be at the stage in Cumberland Square Park with a live nativity scene and handbells by Central Presbyterian Church. A special thank you to Southeast Culinary & Hospitality College
for providing gingerbread and hot cider, Bristol TN Department of Community Relations for providing the song books at the Downtown Center, David Little and Dr. Fred Gent for the use of the live animals, Bob Greene and Robert Campbell for heading up our processional and working with Joseph & Mary, Robert Hollo and Pete Buhls for working with the strolling musicians, the Ladies of the Evening of Emmanuel Episcopal Church for the assortment of wonderful cookies, and primary event sponsor for the evening is Burke, Powers & Harty for providing the star ornaments, luminaries and helping hands. Journey’s End lasts a little more than an hour. Restaurants will be taking dinner reservations and several of the downtown shops will be open. Come and celebrate Christmas in the heart of our community! Please visit www.believeinbristol. org or call 276-‐644-‐9700 for more information.
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December 17, 2013 • The Loafer, Page 15
Dance Extravaganza
Jonesborough Visitors Center December 21st
The Historic Jonesborough Dance Society and the Jolly Ole Elf will hold a dance extravaganza on Saturday December 21, 2013 at the Jonesborough Visitors Center, 117 Boone Street at 7:00pm featuring the Asheville band “Boom Chuck” with Vicki Herndon calling the dance. Admission is $7, $5 for HJDS members and $5 for full time students. A class for newcomer contra dances will run from 7:00-‐7:30pm. The dance will go from 7:30-‐10:30pm. Dancers are invited to bring their favorite holiday desserts for the 9:00pm intermission.
The evening will start with a family dance from 5:00-‐6:00pm where parents and children will enjoy simple and fun dances while members of Boom Chuck play tunes and Laurie Fisher leads the dance. Dancers are invited to waltz from 6:00-‐7:00pm to Boom Chuck tunes. “We do country dance waltz compared to ballroom style waltz” offers David Wiley, event organizer. When people say “I can’t waltz”, they’re probably thinking back to their ballroom dancing days. But a ballroom waltz is quite a different animal from a country dance waltz.
For one thing, it’s a lot slower. For another, you spend almost the whole time in ballroom position. But the crucial difference is that a ballroom waltz is made up of three steps. The man steps forward, putting his right leg between his partner’s legs, then he takes his left leg forward and to the side, then he closes right to left. In the next bar
he steps backward on his left, and it’s the lady’s turn to step forward on the right. The folk waltz is quite different; it’s sometimes described as a “one-‐ step waltz”. You still do three steps: right, left, right — but the second and third are pretty much on the Ǣ ϐ most of the travelling. It really isn’t forward-‐side-‐together; it’s step-‐ two-‐three, step-‐two-‐three. If you ϐ let the other two just happen, you’ll ϐ Ǥ Turn your shoulders and your feet will follow — it sounds silly, but it’s absolutely true. HJDS is planning a series of waltz workshops in the next few months to teach country waltz. The contra dance will include several historic dances that have a Christmas theme including “Holiday Jig” by Ted Sanella, “Christmas Eve Quadrille” by Tom Hinds and “Christmas Hornpipe” by Ralph Page. Boom Chuck also has adapted several Christmas Carols for contra dance. Vicki Herndon has been a dancer since 1997, when she accidentally came across contra dancing, and
has been a dance lover since. She began calling in 2000, and have called all around the southeast. ϐ ǡ dances with kids are all part of the diversity she represents, and loves. Vicki is very active part of the Chattanooga dance community. “Keeping my home group growing and strong has become very important to me over the years. Welcoming newcomers, and giving ϐ Ǥ Dancers must have this to return to your dance and thrive” offers Ms. Herndon. Being a dance gypsy has led Vicki to be a familiar face at many dance weekends along with her husband, Steve, where her enthusiasm as a caller is just as evident as when she is dancing. “There’s not much more than I love to do . . . dance and call”, she adds. For more information on Saturday’s dance or any upcoming events, please call David Wiley at 423-‐534-‐ 8879 or visit www.historicjonesborough dancesociety.org. Or Historic Jonesborough Dance Society on FACEBOOK.
Page 16, The Loafer • December 17, 2013
‘Living Room Anthology’ of Doc Watson Family Music Produced by ETSU Faculty Member Roy Andrade
An East Tennessee State University faculty member has had a once-‐in-‐a-‐lifetime opportunity to play a role in preserving the valuable history of one of bluegrass and old-‐ time music’s biggest legends, the late Doc Watson. Roy Andrade, an assistant professor of Bluegrass, Old Time and Country Music Studies in ETSU’s Department of Appalachian Studies, produced and co-‐annotated a four-‐ CD bookset, “Milestones: Legends of the Doc Watson Clan.” Created by Watson’s daughter, Nancy Watson, this set contains 94 previously unreleased songs and stories by Doc Watson and other family members, as well as 60 collages containing more than 500 Watson family photos. “‘Milestones’ is the Watson family musical story in music and in photograph, created from within the Watson family,” Andrade explained. “To the best of my knowledge, this ϐ ǯ a collection of a musical family created by the family (members) themselves. “‘Milestones’ is a teenage Nancy Watson recording her grandfather and her aunts and uncles. It’s Doc Watson recording his wife Rosa Lee in the ’60s. It’s Rosa Lee Watson recording her daughter Nancy. It’s all within the family. Doc Watson is the focus here, but
there are more than 30 other members of the Watson clan whose music is presented here, as well.” The project actually got its start in the late 1960s when Nancy Watson responded to an ad placed in a newspaper by Dr. Thomas Burton and the late Ambrose Manning, who were professors of English at ETSU at that time. As part of their research, they were collecting folklore, ballads, music, superstitions and beliefs, folk remedies and accounts of everyday life from individuals in Western North Carolina and East Tennessee, and grant funding allowed them to purchase tape recorders that could be checked out by the public and used to record such accounts. The resulting Burton-‐Manning Collection is now housed in the Archives of Appalachia, part of the Center for Appalachian Studies and Services at ETSU. “Nancy Watson saw the ad and thought, ‘Well, I’ve got a lot of music in my family,’” Andrade said. “So she came here to Johnson City and picked up a tape recorder from Dr. Burton and Mr. Manning, and went back home and started recording her family. And I’d say that 20 percent of what’s here in ‘Milestones’ came from those recordings, so there’s a strong connection to ETSU in ‘Milestones.’” Continued on page 17
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December 17, 2013 • The Loafer, Page 17 Stole My Gal” and “Cimarron.” Most of those recordings date back to the days before Watson became a celebrated old-‐time picker, when he supported his family by playing jazz music in Johnson City with fellow musicians Jack Williams and Frog Greene. Accompanying Andrade’s liner notes are the photo collages Nancy
Continued from page 16
Around three decades later – in 1999 – Nancy Watson called the Archives of Appalachia to inquire whether her interviews with her father could be transcribed. Andrade, a longtime fan and old-‐time musician himself, was thrilled to accept that task, and, after he delivered the completed transcripts, an appreciative Nancy Watson gave him tickets to Merlefest, an annual music festival in Wilkesboro, N.C., established in memory of her brother, Merle Watson. The two became friends, and in 2000, Andrade contacted Nancy Watson to ask if he could gather and release some of the music of her grandfather, Gaither Carlton. She asked him to wait while she worked on “a project,” after which they could talk about it. Ten years later, Andrade received a call from Nancy Watson, who had remembered her promise and wanted to let him know she had completed her project. However, his initial idea of releasing her grandfather’s music was put on hold once he learned the essence of her mysterious project and got involved with it himself, ultimately helping to raise the money needed to put it together and see it to completion. In addition to the material from the Burton-‐Manning Collection, the music and stories in “Milestones” came from Doc Watson’s personal reel-‐to-‐reel tape collection that his daughter found out in the shed, in Tupperware containers, on shelves, in drawers, and in the nightstands.
“Milestones” is in book form, with four CDs and book sections entitled “Origins,” “The Early Years,” “Changes” and “Revival.” For each song and interview track, ϐ of the vocalists and musicians are given, along with liner notes by Andrade. “The liner notes are written from many conversations over probably a couple hundred hours I spent with Doc, at his home, talking to him about the music,” Andrade said. “Rather than being academic, they are anecdotal. “Doc didn’t like to be interviewed. I didn’t ask to interview him. Instead, I said, ‘Doc, I’m gonna bring my banjo. Can we pick some?’ And so, we’d play a bit, and I’d always have a short list in my back pocket of the songs I wanted to know about on that trip. “When it felt like an appropriate time,” Andrade continued, “I would say, ‘Doc, that camp meeting song – tell me about that. Did you make that up?’ He’d say, ‘Oh, no!’ and then he’d get going.” In addition to “Old Camp Meeting Time,” the collection includes “When Shall I See Jesus,” sung by Doc, his brother, Arnold, and their mother, Annie, from 1964; “You Are My Sunshine,” sung by Doc and Rosa Lee in 1964; “The Churning Song,” sung by Annie from 1969; some one-‐man band numbers performed by Doc; recollections by Doc, Rosa Lee and Merle on how Merle learned to play guitar; and more. It even has 13 numbers featuring Doc Watson on the electric guitar, such as “Stardust,” “Somebody
Watson created using construction paper, glue, glitter, scissors, tape and other crafting materials. “It took about two weeks to make each of the photo collages,” Andrade said. “There are amazing detail and an incredible amount of time, and love, and care that have gone into this. “I’ve heard it called a ‘living room
anthology.’ I think that describes it well.” “Milestones: Legends of the Doc Watson Clan” may be purchased online from Open Records at http:// www.docwatsonmilestones.com/ openRecordsStore.html.
Page 18, The Loafer • December 17, 2013
Arts Array Spring Films Begin with “Parkland�
The  Arts  Array  Film  Series  presented  by  Virginia  Highlands  Community  College  starts  the  •’”‹Â?‰ ™‹–Š –Š‡ ’‘™‡”ˆ—Ž Ď?‹ŽÂ?ÇĄ Dz ƒ”Â?ŽƒÂ?†Ǥdz ÂŽÂŽ Ď?‹ŽÂ?• ƒ”‡ ’”‡•‡Â?–‡† at  the  Abingdon  Cinemall  on  Mondays  and  Tuesdays  at  4  p.m.  and  again  at  7:30  pm.  “The  series  highlights  foreign  Ď?‹ŽÂ?•ǥ †‘…—Â?‡Â?Â–ÂƒÂ”Â‹Â‡Â•ÇĄ ƒÂ?† ‹Â?†‡’‡Â?†‡Â?– Â?‡”‹…ƒÂ? Ď?‹ŽÂ?• –Šƒ– movie-Ââ€?goers  might  not  have  access  to  in  large  theatre  chains,â€?  said  series  Coordinator  Tommy  Bryant.  “We  want  to  continue  to  provide  for  the  needs  of  the  community.â€? The  year’s  schedule  is  as  follows: “Parklandâ€?  (January  13  and  14)
The  true  events  surrounding  the  assassination  of  President  John  F.  Kennedy  are  brought  to  light  ‹Â? –Š‹• ‡Â?‰ƒ‰‹Â?‰ Ď?‹ŽÂ?ÇĄ ˆ‡ƒ–—”‹Â?‰ a  wonderful  ensemble  cast  of  talented  actors. “Salingerâ€?  (January  20  and  21) Iconic  American  writer  J.D.  Salinger’s  work  was  profound  and  had  profound  impact  on  those  who  read  it,  including  murderers  Robert  John  Bardo  and  Mark  David  Chapman.   “Romeo  and  Julietâ€?  (January  27  and  28) William  Shakespeare’s  tale  of  love  and  tragedy  is  brought  to  life Â
in  this  adaptation,  featuring  young  stars  Douglas  Booth  and  Hailee  Steinfeld  as  Romeo  and  Juliet.    “Fruitvale  Stationâ€?  (February  3  and  4) 22-Ââ€?year-Ââ€?old  Oscar  Grant,  a  Bay  area  resident,  is  murdered  by  a  ’‘Ž‹…‡ ‘ˆĎ?‹…‡” ‹Â? ’Žƒ‹Â? ˜‹‡™ ‘ˆ ƒ ’ƒ••‡Â?‰‡” …ƒ” Ď?‹ŽŽ‡† ™‹–Š ™‹–Â?‡••‡•Ǥ Several  onlookers  used  cell  phones  to  capture  the  event.   “As  I  Lay  Dyingâ€?  (February  10  and  11) Director  and  co-Ââ€?writer  James  Franco  stars  in  this  adaptation  of  William  Faulkner’s  novel  about  the  Bundren  family  and  the  death  of  their  matriarch.    Â
“Last  Loveâ€?  (February  17  and  18) Two-Ââ€?time  Oscar  winner  Michael  Caine  stars  as  a  cynical  man  who  sees  no  future  for  himself,  until  he  meets  the  free-Ââ€?spirited  Pauline.    “Out  of  the  Furnaceâ€?  (February  24  and  25) Christian  Bale  and  Casey  ˆĎ?Ž‡…Â? ’Žƒ› ƒ ’ƒ‹” ‘ˆ „”‘–Š‡”• wrestling  with  crime,  poverty,  and  the  ruthless  crime  rings  in  their  economically-Ââ€?depressed  town.    “Dallas  Buyers  Clubâ€?  (March  3  and  4) Matthew  McConaughey  takes  on  his  most  challenging  role  in  this  true  story  of  Ron  Woodroof  and  his  attempts  to  secure  medicine  that  might  prolong  his  life.   “The  Artist  and  the  Modelâ€?  (March  10  and  11)
Marc  Cros,  an  elderly  sculptor,  Ď?‹Â?†• Š‹• Â?—•‡ ‹Â? –Š‡ —Â?Ž‹Â?‡Ž› ˆ‘”Â? of  a  Spanish  political  refugee  in  this  •–‘”› ‘ˆ ƒ”–‹•–‹… ˆ—ŽĎ?‹ŽŽÂ?‡Â?–Ǥ “Haute  Cuisineâ€?  (March  17  and  18) Hortense  Laborie,  celebrated  chef,  is  appointed  personal  cook  for  the  President  of  the  Republic;  she  thrives  in  her  new  position,  despite  the  feelings  of  jealousy  among  the  other  chefs.    “Dianaâ€?  (March  24  and  25) Š‹• Ď?‹ŽÂ? ‹• ƒ …‘Â?’‡ŽŽ‹Â?‰ ’‘”–”ƒ‹– of  Diana,  Princess  of  Wales,  during  –Š‡ Ď?‹Â?ƒŽ –™‘ ›‡ƒ”• ‘ˆ Š‡” ÂŽÂ‹ÂˆÂ‡ÇĄ ™Š‡Â? she  found  love  in  a  very  unlikely  place.â€?  “American  Hustleâ€?  (March  31  and  April  1) Š‹• Ď?‹ŽÂ? –‡ŽŽ• –Š‡ •–‘”› ‘ˆ ƒ brilliant  young  con  man  who  is  forced  to  work  for  an  FBI  agent  who  places  them  both  in  the  Jersey  underworld  of  powerbrokers  and  Â?ƒĎ?‹ƒǤ “Philomenaâ€?  (April  7  and  8) Š‹Ž‘Â?‡Â?ƒ ‡‡ ™ƒÂ?–• –‘ Ď?‹Â?† –Š‡ child  she  was  forced  to  give  up  at  birth,  even  though  the  church  made  her  sign  a  contract  that  would  not  allow  her  to  inquire  about  his  whereabouts. “One  Chanceâ€?  (April  14  and  15) The  inspirational  true  story  of  Paul  Potts,  shy  shop  assistant  by  day  and  amateur  opera  singer  by  night.   Enthralling  musical  performances  made  this  a  must-Ââ€? see.             The  Arts  Array  Film  Series  is  part  of  the  comprehensive  cultural  outreach  program  of  Virginia  Highlands  Community  College.   The  series  is  co-Ââ€?sponsored  by  the  Abingdon  Cinemall,   the  Southwest  Virginia  Higher  Education  Center,  Emory&  Henry  College,  Virginia  Intermont  College,  and  King  University. †Â?‹••‹‘Â? –‘ –Š‡ Ď?‹ŽÂ?• ‹• ˆ”‡‡ ˆ‘” the  faculties  and  students  at  the  supporting  institutions.   Member  s  of  the  general  community  may  attend  for  $7.75. For  a  brochure  on  the  series  or  more  information,  please  contact  Tommy  Bryant  at  276-Ââ€?739-Ââ€?2451  or  email  him  at  tbryant@vhcc.edu.
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December 17, 2013 • The Loafer, Page 19
Kingsport City Schools Holiday Concerts and Program A Nod to the Mod Innovation Academy
Tuesday, December 17 6 pm Jackson Holiday Program Jackson Elementary School
-‐ A Nod to the Mod Open Dress Rehearsal Innovation Academy
Tuesday, December 17 6 pm Washington Holiday Program & PTA Meeting Washington Elementary School
Thursday, December 19 10:30 am—2 pm Washington Troupe Community Tour Various Locations
Tuesday, December 17 7 pm Robinson Orchestra Holiday Concert Robinson Middle School
Thursday, December 19 6 pm Innovation Academy 6th Grade: “The Gallery Walk” Innovation Academy
Wednesday, December 18 All Day John Adams Choir Caroling Tour Various Locations
Thursday, December 19 6 pm Innovation Academy 8th Grade: “Canstructing” the Industrial Revolution Innovation Academy
Friday, December 20 8:30 am John Adams Winter Break Holiday Celebrations -‐ Adams Family Christmas John Adams Elementary School
Wednesday, December 18 10 am Innovation Academy 7th Grade: A Christmas Carol
Thursday, December 19 6:30 pm Innovation Academy 7th Grade: A Christmas Carol -‐
December 27-‐1/02 All Day D-‐B Band Performance: Tournament of Roses Pasadena, CA
Thursday, December 19 7 pm Sevier 7th & 8th Grade Music Department Holiday Concert Eastman Employee Center Friday, December 20 All Day Johnson Related Arts Winter Celebration Johnson Elementary School
Page 20, The Loafer • December 17, 2013
WQUT’s 4th Annual Blues Christmas WQUT’s  4th  Annual  Blues  Christmas  comes  to  Down  Home  in  Johnson  City  on  December  19  &  20  at  7:00  pm  each  night.   This  is  a  Marine  Corps  Toys  for  Tots  event. Music  on  December  19  by  The  ƒ–Ď?‹•Š ”›‡ ƒÂ?† ƒÂ?† ‹‰Š–Â?‹Â?ÇŻ Charlie  &  The  Upsetters. Music  on  December  20  by Â
Samantha  Gray  &  The  Soul  Providers  and  the  Billy  Crawford  Band. Admission  is  $1  per  person  along  with  a  new,  unwrapped  toy  for  Toys  for  Tots. For  information,  call  John  Patrick,  WQUT  Program  Director  at  423.467.2632
Local Author Book Signing at The Mall at Johnson City Nancy  Hart  will  be  at  Belk  women’s  store  in  The  Mall  at  Johnson  City  on  December  21,  2013  from  12  to  5  pm  for  a  book  signing.  Her  book,  A  Prescription  For  Dignity  A  Family’s  Story  Of  Struggle,  Tragedy  &  Triumph,  is  a  true  story  of  Nancy  and  her  family  working  to  turn  tragedy  into  triumph  with  her  Patient  Scrubs  business.  Books  will  be  available  for  purchase.   Stop  by  and  meet  this  remarkable  author  and  entrepreneur.
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December 17, 2013 • The Loafer, Page 21
MPCC to Offer Special Day for Special Kids Memorial Park Community Center, 510 Bert St., will offer a “Special Day for Special Kids,” designed for children with physical and developmental disabilities and their families, on Saturday, Dec. 21. From 1-‐3
p.m., the entire family is invited for lunch, holiday-‐themed crafts and other surprises. Admission is just $1 per person. Call 434-‐ 5749 by Wednesday, Dec. 18 to register.
MPCC Hosting Christmas Eve Basketball Clinic Memorial Park Community Center, will offer a basketball clinic for ages 6-‐12 on Tuesday, Dec. 24 from 9 a.m.-‐4 p.m. Hands-‐on instruction in dribbling, passing, shooting, rebounding and defense will help participants improve their skills.
Participants are asked to bring basketball shoes, a sack lunch, and a water bottle. Cost is $10. Register in person at MPCC by Monday, Dec. 23. For more information, call 434-‐5749.
MPCC to Offer Crazy Camp Day Memorial Park Community Center, will host Crazy Camp Day on Monday, Dec. 23 from 9 a.m. until 4 p.m. Head out to do your last-‐minute holiday shopping and drop off the kids for a unique camp featuring cool new sports, wild nature fun and crazy Christmas crafts.
Camp is open to ages 6-‐12, and fee is $10 Ǥ ϐ 40 participants. Everyone is asked to bring a sack lunch and snacks. Sign up online at www.myjcparks.org or in person at MPCC. Please call 434-‐5749 for more information.
Page 22, The Loafer • December 17, 2013
Apollo Moon Missions Started and Ended in December The Moon is a familiar sight this week as it waxes to a full phase, and December moonlight is always special when thinking of America’s conquests of our celestial neighbor in space. Apollo 8 and Apollo 17, the alpha and omega of America’s Moon program, both took place in the month of December just four years apart. Apollo 8 will forever be ϐ ϐ Ǧ only mission goal, which was
achieved Christmas Eve 1968. And Apollo 17 was the last expedition to ϐ ǡ landing Dec. 11, 1972. We stopped going to the Moon not because we learned everything or because it was too risky. It was American politics and money that cancelled our Moon program, shattering a dream of a real ϐ Ǥ The politics of the time in the early 1970s included budget cuts to fund the President Lyndon B. Johnson’s Great Reform programs
of public aid and welfare. And the scars made by the cost in money and 40,000 lives during the Vietnam War also worked against NASA’s dreams of Moon bases. The cost of going to the Moon was $30 billion in 1970s dollars, which converts to more than $100 billion in 2013 dollars. Cost of Vietnam was around $120 billion in ‘70s money—well over $600 billion in today’s money. The Apollo 8 orbit only mission was not only risky as an historic ϐ Moon voyage, but it didn’t have the moon lander “LEM” attached as it wasn’t ready. Four years later, not only had the “LEM” performed beyond limits as a lifeboat for rescuing the Apollo 13 crew, but it proved to be ϐ ϐ
The Apollo 8 Saturn V being rolled out to Pad 39A
lunar living. The Apollo program was built upon the knowledge of human ϐ Ǧ ϐ Ǧ
ϐ Ǥ we could learn for certain from the Soviet Union’s very secretive space program during the Moon Race of Continued on page 23
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the  1960s.  There  were  three  main  elements  of  the  machines  that  took  American  –‘ –Š‡ ‘‘Â?ÇĄ ˆ—ŽĎ?‹ŽŽ‹Â?‰ ƒ †”‡ƒÂ? ‘ˆ mankind  that  had  been  fantasized  in  literature  and  movies.  First  was  the  Moon  rocket,  the  three  stage  Saturn  V,  which ʪĥ Ž‘Â?‰‡” –ŠƒÂ? ƒ ˆ‘‘–„ƒŽŽ Ď?‹‡Ž†Ǥ Enclosed  in  launch  shrouds  atop  the  40  feet  of  the  365-Ââ€?foot  rocket  were  the  Lunar  Excursion  Module  (LEM)  and  the  Command  Module  with  its  service  bay  of  electronics,  oxygen,  fuel  and  sometimes  cameras.   Once  in  Earth  orbit  the  Command  Module  would  attach  to  the  LEM,  and  the  pair  would  be  rocketed  to  the  Moon,  a  three-Ââ€?day,  240,000  mile  one-Ââ€?way  trip. The  Apollo  8  mission  of  1968  was  a  surprise  and  the  closest  thing  NASA  did  as  a  “publicity  stuntâ€?  to  beat  the  Soviet  Union  to  –Š‡ ‘‘Â?Ǥ Š‡ Ď?‹”•– Ď?Ž‹‰Š– ‘ˆ ’‘ŽŽ‘ 7  was  an  earth-Ââ€?orbit  shakedown  of  the  Command  Module—a  success  that  resurrected  the  program  from  the  ashes  of  the  Apollo  1  launch  ”‡Š‡ƒ”•ƒŽ Ď?‹”‡ –Šƒ– Â?‹ŽŽ‡† –Š”‡‡ astronauts  in  January  1967. Boldly,  NASA  sent  three  astronauts  on  a  seven-Ââ€?day,  round-Ââ€? trip  that  would  include  a  day  of  10  orbits  around  the  Moon  from  just  80  miles  high.   The  mission  was  a  complete  success,  with  astronauts  reading  from  the  Bible  Book  of  Genesis  at  8  pm  Christmas  Eve  1968  to  a  world  television  audience.   Conversely,  public  apathy  over  the  Moon  landings  had  a  sparse  part  of  the  population  actually Â
December 17, 2013 • The Loafer, Page 23 interested  in  the  Apollo  17  mission.   One  of  the  most  watched  events  was  the  mission  liftoff  from  the  Moon,  broadcast  live  by  the  remote-Ââ€?controlled  camera  on  the  parked  Lunar  Rover.  The  amazing  Lunar  Rover  of  ’‘ŽŽ‘ ͳ͚ ’‡”ˆ‘”Â?‡† Ď?Žƒ™Ž‡••Ž› as  a  trusty  vehicle  in  a  rugged  landscape  similar  to  the  deserts  of  Southwest  U.S. But  of  course  it  is  the  highly  trained  men  who  went  to  the  Moon  and  what  they  discovered  that  made  the  story  of  Apollo  8  and  Apollo  17  real  to  the  world.  Apollo  8  had  two  veteran  Gemini  ƒ•–”‘Â?ƒ—–• ™Š‘ Šƒ† Ď?Ž‘™Â? ƒ ͳ͜ †ƒ› mission  together  in  the  cramped  spacecraft.   Frank  Borman,  85,  was  the  commander,  and  Jim  Lovell,  85,  was  the  pilot.   William  Anders,  80,  was  the  third  member,  a  lunar  pilot  without  a  spaceship  as  there ʪĥ Â?‘ ‘Â? –Š‹• Ď?Â‹Â”Â•Â–ÇŚÂ‡Â˜Â‡Â” ‘‘Â? voyage.  Apollo  17  had  commander  Gene  Cernan,  79,  twice  a  Gemini  and  one-Ââ€?time  Moon  voyager  on  the  orbit-Ââ€?only  Apollo  10  rehearsal  for  the  real  landing.  His  pilot  was  –Š‡ Ď?‹”•– –”—‡ •…‹‡Â?–‹•– ‹Â? Â•Â’ÂƒÂ…Â‡ÇĄ geologist  Harrison  “Jackâ€?  Schmitt,  78.  And  orbiting  for  three  days  alone  was  Stu  Rosa,  deceased.  At  the  end  of  their  mission,  America  would  total  24  astronaut  trips  to  the  Moon  with  12  men  walking  the  surface.  Moonwalkers  Cernan  and  John  Young,  83,  (Apollo  16)  would  also  orbit  together  in  Apollo  10,  and  Lovell  would  sling  shot  around  his  second  visit  on  the  fateful,  near-Ââ€? fatal  emergency  of  Apollo  13.   President  John  F.  Kennedy  famously  challenged  America  to Â
go  to  the  Moon  Apollo  17  Challenger  liftoff before  the  end  of  the  1960s,  but  it  is  President  Richard  M.  Nixon’s  signature  on  all  six  c o m m e m o ra t ive  plaques  that  are  attached  to  a  leg  of  each  LEM  still  sitting  on  the  lunar  surface.  It  was  President  Nixon’s  desire  to  end  Apollo  Moon  missions  and  put  NASA’s  budget  into  the  Space  Tr a n s p o r t a t i o n  System,  aka  the  Space  Shuttle. Ironically,  when  the  US  Congress  approved  the  Space  Shuttle  underground,  partially  covered  program,  the  news  was  told  to  with  insulating  moon  soil. astronauts  walking  on  the  Moon  Forty  one  years  later,  no  humans  during  Apollo  16  in  April  1972.   The  have  returned  to  the  Moon.   But  irony  was  moonwalker  and  mission  that  day  of  lunar  conquest  will  be  commander  John  Young  would  •‘‘Â? ˆ—ŽĎ?‹ŽŽ‡† ƒ‰ƒ‹Â?ÇĄ Â?‘•– Ž‹Â?‡Ž› „› ’‹Ž‘– –Š‡ Ď?‹”•– Š—––Ž‡ Â?‹••‹‘Â? „› the  Chinese. Columbia  in  April  1981—an  event  Â?† –Š‡ Ď?‹”•– •–‡’• ƒ”‡ Šƒ’’‡Â?‹Â?‰ he  described  as  more  hair-Ââ€?raising  now,  as  a  moon  vehicle  called  “Jade  than  his  Moon  voyages.  Rabbitâ€?  landed  on  the  Moon  on  Apollos  18,  19  and  20  were  three  missions  that  already  had  Saturday  Dec.  14,  and  will  rove  the  astronauts  in  training  when  they  surface  for  maybe  a  year.   China’s  were  cancelled  in  1971.  They  were  manned  space  program  has  already  to  escalate  the  geological  science  ‰‘Â?‡ ˆ”‘Â? ‹–• Ď?‹”•– •’ƒ…‡ Ď?Ž‹‡” ‹Â? with  better  drills,  lunar  dynamite  2003,  to  a  month  in  a  space  station  and  many  more  pounds  of  moon  the  size  of  a  school  bus  by  two  men  rocks  dust  and  core  samples.  And,  and  one  lady  “taikonautsâ€?  in  2013.  Meanwhile  America  has  these  advanced  expeditions—one  proposed  for  a  backside  landing— moon  missions  promised  by  ™‘—Ž† –”› ˜ƒ”‹‘—• ‹Â?Ď?Žƒ–ƒ„Ž‡ one  President  and  rescinded  by  habitat  structures  that  were  semi-Ââ€? –Š‡ Â?‡š– ”‡•‹†‡Â?– ˆ‘” Ď?Ž‹‰Š–• –‘
Mars,  then  changed  again  by  the  next  President  to  an  asteroid  as  a  destination.  And  NASA  is  •–‹ŽŽ Â?ƒ›„‡ Ď?‹˜‡ ›‡ƒ”• ƒ™ƒ› ˆ”‘Â? launching  the  new,  4-Ââ€?person  Orion  spacecraft,  which  is  essentially  the  Apollo  Command  Module  on  steroids.  Even  Russia  is  again  eyeing  the  Moon,  as  the  partnership  with  America  and  15  other  nations  during  12  years  of  occupation  of  the  International  Space  Station  might  end  in  another  10  years. Šƒ– Â?ƒ–‹‘Â?ǯ• Ď?Žƒ‰ ™‹ŽŽ Ď?Ž› Â?‡š– ‘Â? –Š‡ Â?ƒ‰Â?‹Ď?‹…‡Â?– †‡•‘Žƒ–‹‘Â? ‘ˆ the  Moon?  A  safe  bet  is  that  it  will  not  be  the  Stars  and  Stripes  of  America. Â
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www.theloaferonline.com Celestial  events  in  the  skies  for  the  week  of  Dec.  17-Ââ€?23,  2013  as  compiled  for  The  Loafer  by     Mark  D.  Marquette.
‹Â?–‡” ‹• ‘ˆĎ?‹…‹ƒŽŽ› Š‡”‡ –Š‹• ™‡‡Â?ÇĄ ƒ””‹˜‹Â?‰ ƒ Ž‹––Ž‡ ƒˆ–‡” Â?‘‘Â? ‘Â? ƒ–—”†ƒ›Ǥ Š‡ Winter  Solstice  was  celebrated  by  civilizations  centuries  ago  as  the  marking  point  for  the  end  of  night’s  dominance  over  the  daytime.   The  shortest  day  and  longest  night  of  the  year  occur,  and  from  then  on  more  daylight  can  mean  a  look  forward  to  more  pleasant  days.   But  rough  winter  weather  is  ahead  as  our  climate  slowly  changes.   In  the  night  sky,  Venus  dominates  the  evening  twilight,  and  Jupiter  is  brilliant  in  the  east  in  early  evening  hours.  Â?† –Š‡ ˆƒÂ?‹Ž‹ƒ” ƒÂ?† ‡ƒ•› –‘ Ď?‹Â?† ™‹Â?–‡” …‘Â?•–‡ŽŽƒ–‹‘Â?• ƒ”‡ Â?‘™ Š‹‰Š ƒ„‘˜‡ –Š‡ ‡ƒ•– ƒÂ?† taking  over  the  night.  Tues.  Dec.  17 Full  Moon  is  early  morning  today  at  4:28  am,  called  by  Native  Americans  the  Cold  Moon  or  the  Long  Night  Moon.   Settlers  called  it  the  Moon  Before  Yule.  The  Moon  begins  the  week  in  the  constellation  Taurus  the  Bull,  directly  above  Orion  the  Hunter.  Wed.  Dec.  18 The  Sun  enters  the  constellation  Sagittarius  the  Archer,  moving  out  of  the  snake  handler,  Ophiuchus,  where  it’s  been  since  Nov.  30th-Ââ€?-Ââ€?despite  what  astrology  might  say!  Thurs.  Dec.  19 On  this  1972  date  in  space  history,  Apollo  17  and  its  three  astronauts  safely  landed  on  ƒ”–Š ƒˆ–‡” –Š‡ Ď?‹Â?ƒŽ Š—Â?ƒÂ? ˜‘›ƒ‰‡ –‘ –Š‡ ‘‘Â?Ǥ The  Moon  and  Jupiter  rise  together  tonight  in  the  constellation  Gemini  the  Twins.   The Â
December 17, 2013 • The Loafer, Page 25 bright  brother  stars  Castor,  top,  and  Pollux,  bottom,  are  to  the  left  of  the  celestial  pair.  Jupiter  will  put  on  a  show  all  Winter,  and  is  an  easy  target  in  any  telescope.  You  can  see  the  globe  as  well  as  its  four  largest  moons  in  even  the  cheapest  telescope.   In  good  telescopes  used  by  amateur  astronomers,  the  detail  of  Jupiter’s  clouds  can  be  astounding.  Fri.  Dec.  20 On  this  1978  date  in  space  history,  the  Soviet  Union  landed  their  Venera  12  spacecraft  on  the  planet  Venus.  It  was  crushed  in  an  hour  by  the  intense  atmospheric  pressure  90  times  that  of  Earth,  and  probably  later  melted  in  the  900  F.  heat.    Photos  showed  a  landscape  of  Ď?Žƒ– ’Žƒ‹Â?• ™‹–Š •Žƒ„• ‘ˆ ”‘…Â?• ‘Â? –Š‡ ˆ‘”‡‰”‘—Â?†Ǥ Sat.  Dec.  21 Winter  Solstice  is  at  12:11  pm,  when  the  Sun  reaches  its  lowest  point  in  the  southern  skies.   Seen  from  the  Tropic  of  Capricorn  in  the  Southern  Hemisphere,  the  Sun  is  directly  ‘˜‡”Š‡ƒ†Ǥ ‡‡’ ‹Â? Â?‹Â?†ǥ –Š‹• ‹• –Š‡ Ď?‹”•– †ƒ› ‘ˆ —Â?Â?‡” ‹Â? Â—Â•Â–Â”ÂƒÂŽÂ‹ÂƒÇĄ ‘—–Š ˆ”‹…ƒ ƒÂ?† South  America,  and  conversely,  the  days  are  the  longest  and  nights  the  shortest  of  the  year.  Sun.  Dec.  22 Orion  the  Hunter  is  now  easy  to  see  as  it  hurdles  over  the  eastern  horizon  at  dark  and  takes  its  dominant  position  in  the  southeast.   A  treasure  trove  of  bright  stars  and  deep  sky  objects,  the  famous  Orion  Nebula  can  be  seen  in  binoculars.   Look  at  the  three  stars  dangling  like  a  knife  from  the  three  belt  stars,  and  you’ll  see  the  middle  “starâ€?  is  actually  a  fuzzy  object.   This  is  the  Great  Nebula  of  Orion,  a  gaseous  birthplace  of  stars  1,000  times  the  size  of  our  Solar  System.  Mon.  Dec.  23 The  brightest  star  of  the  sky,  Sirius,  is  now  easy  to  see  above  the  eastern  horizon.   It  is  in  the  constellation  Canis  Major,  the  Big  Dog.   Contrast  it  to  nearby  Jupiter  to  the  far  left,  and  you  can  see  how  much  brighter  the  planet  is  compared  to  the  brightest  star.
Page 26, The Loafer • December 17, 2013
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December 17, 2013 • The Loafer, Page 27
Out of the Furnace Christian Bale has always been one of my favorite actors, and when ϐ in “The Fighter” it was overdue as far I was concerned. ͳͻͺ ϐ “Empire of the Sun”, and you will see he had extraordinary acting abilities even as a child. Bale’s talents are again on display in the ϐ Dz dzǡ and will be again in December in ϐ Dz dzǤ “Out of the Furnace” features Bale as Russell Baze, who along with his brother Rodney (Casey ϐ Ȍǡ depressed Rust Belt area of
Pennsylvania. Both brothers have longed to leave their hometown, and Rodney did for awhile via the Armed Forces. Once he is home from his service in Iraq, Rodney is struggling with ǡ ϐ another line of work other than at the local steel mill where Russell works. In addition to dealing with his brother’s uncertain future, Russell is forced to face the fact that the brothers father is dying. Meanwhile, Rodney has become so desperate for work, he becomes involved with a crime ring, that among other activities, stages
ϐ ϐ Ǥ As if Rodney’s new occupation wasn’t causing enough problems, a tragic accident lands Russell in prison for a brief period of time, ϐ ǡ hoping for his life to be calm. Unfortunately, New Jersey backwoods hood Harlan DeGroat (Woody Harrelson), has an encounter with Rodney that sends
Russell on a path of vengeance. Director Scott Cooper (“Crazy Heart”) keeps the proceedings gritty, and I felt as if I needed to wash my clothes when the movie had concluded. The actors, led by Bale, are all in top form, and I was really ϐ ǡ gave an unexpectedly powerful performance. Harrelson also
impressed with his take on a character that had no redeeming qualities. Bale, always impressive, again knocks it out of the park with a performance packed with equal parts of vulnerability and strength. “Out of the Furnace” is a movie that effectively conveys brotherly love through one brother seeking justice. (Rated R) B+
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December 17, 2013 • The Loafer, Page 29
Shut Up and Watch the Deer Get Slaughtered
Christmas at my aunt’s house in the country is always something of a risky proposition. Just getting there on a cold winter’s night can be scary. It’s about twenty minutes outside of the city, and you have to take these old, curvy, backroads that haven’t seen any maintenance since 1972. You load up the entire family into your weighted down SUV, and off you go over the river and through the woods. Praying the entire time that no crazy rednecks in big pick up trucks are driving in the center of the narrow roads that were not made for modern vehicles. Sometimes being on those small winding roads makes me a little sick to my stomach. I can never predict when it’ll do that. If I drive it’s usually more under control. Sometimes people like to drive on small backroads at speeds that’d make you think a remake of Smokey and The Bandit was going on. I go slow on these roads, because I hate driving on a road at night that I don’t know all that well. Since I only go to my aunt’s a few times each year, I never feel all that prepared to handle the seemingly random layout of the road. It’s like playing Pac Man drunk. We reach my aunt’s house, and pull into the gravel driveway that is hard and frozen, and barely has a hint of frost on it. We’re greeted warmly by my aunt, and the unloading of presents for the children in the family begins. The ϐ greet us is my cousin Sandy. Sandy will hug you like a vice grip, burying your nose deep into her bosom long enough for you to just begin to feel light headed. Sandy lets go,
and you have to stand there for a moment and let yourself become reacquainted with reality. As oxygen returns to my brain, I pick up a large pile of gifts and make my way inside. The children all rush around me, as their eyes ϐ of a bundle of brightly wrapped packages in my arms. I do my best to not trip over them as I walk slowly towards the tree, and set the bundle down near it. Gifts settled ϐ ǡ Ǥ My aunt comes towards me, wiping her hands off on her apron as she does, then hugs me. Around eighty percent of the family is there by this point. The most notable exception is grandmother Debbie, but she’s usually late to everything. The smell of food is wafting through the air, mixing with the various yule scented candles that my aunt has in almost every room. The kids don’t care about the food, they only care about tearing through wrapping paper with all their might. Once they greet me, my little cousin and his sister go into his room to play Super Mario Brothers on the Wii, they call me in and demand I join them. I give up after they “accidentally” knock me off into a lava pit for the fourth time, and I go into the kitchen. ϐ at this point, everyone rushing around to get things done, as the clock ticks closer to six, the more anxious everyone is to get started. Feeling a little overwhelmed by all the activity in the kitchen, I step out onto the back porch to get a little fresh air. It’s cold, but I don’t care, I’m just happy to have a moment of quiet. As I look out towards the
mountains, I notice something in my Aunt’s backyard. Three deer, standing still, perfectly so. Quietly, I make my way back in the house and hurry to get the kids away from the TV, I tell them “You have to come out back with me, and be quiet!” My mom, aunt, young cousin, his sister, and I all walk slowly, and quietly onto the back porch. With little explanation, they all see the deer, and enjoy the peacefulness of the sight. In an instant our anxiousness for food and presents gave way to a feeling of just being thankful for this little life moment. As we stood there, a sound began to be noticed. It was far away, but seemed to sound like it was approaching. We looked at each other as it, slowly, became louder. As the sound drew nearer, we recognized it as the sound of a roaring car engine. The car, which wasn’t a stock car or anything, was clearly going faster than anyone should on the narrow country roads. Just as the sound became ǡ ϐ out to which vehicle it belonged to. Grandma Debbie came plowing into the backyard in her 1987 Ford Country Squire Station Wagon. Granny Debbie pushed hard on the breaks, and they screeched as she swerved on the slick, icy, grass. Where did she land? Right into the group of deer gathered. The kids, to their credit, did not scream, they just started to sob. We rushed them back into the house, and as I stood on the back porch looking at the sight, Debbie got out of her car, and yelled, “Those still count towards my quota!” With that, I turned around and went back inside. The kids were far too upset, and we decided to let them tear into their gifts as a way to placate them. Debbie, celebrating her victory, stood on the front porch and smoked a Kool menthol cigarette, then came inside. We ate, and it was good. The kids loved their gifts, and quickly forgot about the sight they had seen, and I felt awkward as I helped Debbie load three dead deer into the back of her station wagon. It was not quite the sight of Red and Green I was hoping to have seen that year, but it stands out in my mind as a Christmas memory none the less. See you next week.
Page 30, The Loafer • December 17, 2013
All I Want for Christmas Is My Ninja Sphere
Each year at this time I like to zero in on some item that you might want to buy for the hard-‐ to-‐please person on your list. The item in question this time unfortunately won’t be available ϐ ǡ but is rumored to be making its appearance next summer, just in time for your Christmas 2014 gift list-‐-‐and no doubt will be something that shoppers will get trampled underfoot for on Black Friday 2014 (or whenever than infamous day is moved to next year). What we are talking about here is the Ninja Sphere, a new product from Ninja Blocks, a company just under one year old and intent on cornering the apparently lucrative home controller market. The new Ninja Sphere, which can easily be mistaken for the cover of a Daft Punk album, is pretty neat looking and can pass for a trendy art piece instead of the next big thing in home technology. The
prototype piece, the Ninja Block, is the brainchild of company founder Marcus Schappi, an Aussie with a ϐ Ǧ ǡ in operation in several homes; the Ninja Sphere, however, promises to be the must-‐have version of the Block. You know, the inevitable “new and improved” model that will have all the bugs worked out. And why would anyone want this Daft Punk looking thing sitting on top of their mantle or in the middle of their coffee table? What exactly does it do? Actually, we should be asking about what it doesn’t do, because the list of its capabilities is pretty expansive. For starters, it is a Bluetooth enabled object d’art that uses a process called “in-‐home triangulation” to control and manipulate nearly every aspect of your home life. And, just think, I had previously thought triangulation had something to do with all those shooters that congregated on the Grassy Knoll on November 22, 1963. Guess I have
watched Oliver Stone’s “JFK” one too many times. Where should I start? Well, we could mention that the Ninja Sphere, according to a recent TheAge.com piece by Christopher Niesche, can allow a gadget-‐ obsessed homeowner to attach a Bluetooth tag “on a set of keys or a wallet [and can] ensure they never go missing, or the homeowner could put a tag on their cat’s collar so the system can detect where they are and make sure they don’t set off the motion-‐activated home security system.” The problem, of course, lies in getting the cats to wear their collars. My cats would not be very enthusiastic about this ϐ trying to paw the Ninja Square off any surface on which it was sitting. Dogs are another story, however, and maybe homeowners should consider trying out the Bluetooth ϐ trying to do anything foolhardy with their cats. A more in-‐depth Mashable.com article by Eva Recinos gives us more things to add to our Ninja Sphere wish list. The aforementioned in-‐ ϐ your home with Bluetooth signals and can control anything equipped with a wireless tagging system. Following is just a partial listing of what to expect when you set up your new Ninja Sphere: “When a user notices something sketchy,” for example, “they can choose what to do next.” Like “if they already have cameras set up around their home, they can tell the Ninja Sphere to take a snapshot” and then email the photo to them, wherever they might be (already at home, perhaps?). A related review by Kristie Bertucci informs us that this cute new gadget can “turn off any appliances automatically, let you know if lights were left on or if the coffee machine is still on, as well as remind you to turn off things via
your phone or smart watch.” Get ready to purchase more gadgets to go alone with your Ninja Sphere—after all, it has to have stuff to control or it just sits there humming “Get Lucky.” A really interesting and perhaps strange ability of this thing is that it will “even alert you when you have valuables that are moving so that you can double check them.” And this ability extends to your wine collection as well. If one bottle moves unexpectedly, your trusty Ninja Sphere will let Ǥ ϐ burglar should do upon entering your house is to politely destroy your Ninja Sphere. Hopefully, the device will take a picture of the burglar before this wanton act of destruction and will send you an email showing you what he or she looks like. Hopefully, in the event this happens, you will have had the foresight to add the local police ϐ
Cisco “shows more than 50 billion devices—such as TVs, lightbulbs, airconditioners, washing machines, tablets and smartphones—will be connected to the internet by 2020.” Pretty amazing and scary, isn’t it? I can’t help but wonder why anyone would want to connect a lightbulb to the internet, but I’m sure we’ll ϐ Ǥ ϐ ϐ Ǥ Preliminary estimates are that you can take a Ninja Sphere home for around $250.00 once they become available next year. Bluetooth-‐equipped cat collars are of course not included with this rather low price. And neither are the cats. Too bad we won’t have these marvelous little tech playthings under our trees this Christmas. Just think if you had one it might snap a picture of Santa placing all your shiny new presents under the tree and raiding your liquor cabinet on Christmas eve. Let’s just hope the smart device doesn’t call 911. It wouldn’t be good if Santa were arrested and had to spend the holidays in jail. Glad I’m running out of room, because otherwise
Sphere email distribution list. But, wait, there’s more. If you have a swimming pool on your property, the Ninja Sphere can “detect the ph levels and cleanliness” of your cement pond. There is no need to go on and on, because I think you get the picture—the Ninja Sphere is a vast command center for nearly every aspect of your life. And research backs the necessity for a central command center that controls all your stuff. The aforementioned Niesche article points out that Ǧ ϐ
I might be forced at this point to rhapsodize about one of my favorite holiday tunes, “Christmas In Jail,” recorded in 1956 by The Youngsters, a largely forgotten doo-‐wop group. A true holiday gem. If you don’t believe me, look it up on YouTube. Forget Mannheim Steamroller—you need to spend more time with The Youngsters this year. Well, time is up and I will bid you a fond farewell until the appearance of my Christmas Eve column next week. In the meantime, get those Bluetooth cat collars ready.
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December 17, 2013 • The Loafer, Page 31
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