Page 2, The Loafer • January 21, 2014
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January 21, 2014 • The Loafer, Page 3
Volume 28 Issue #7
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Page 4, The Loafer • January 21, 2014 Built in 1931 and restored to its original splendor in 1991, the Paramount continues to grow as the Mountain Empire’s premier performing arts center. Here audiences share passion and drama, laughter and tears, majesty in motion, joy in music, pride in learning... and memories. Listed on the National Register of Historic Places, the Paramount is an excellent example of the art deco motion picture palaces built in the late 1920’s and early 30’s. The restoration retained the Paramount’s opulent, richly embellished interior. The original Venetian-‐ styled murals and the art deco ambience were faithfully recreated. The auditorium holds 756. You’ll feel as though you are a part of the performance from every seat in the theatre.
Tribute to Barbra Streisand With an uncanny resemblance both in voice and looks, Sharon Owens has been performing her “Tribute to Barbra Streisand” to critical acclaim nationwide in major showrooms, for corporate events and as a Headliner in Las Vegas. She spent ten stellar years recreating the sound and style of Streisand in the multi-‐million dollar productions shows “Legends in Concert” and Berlin’s “Stars in concert”. From the classic songs of the 60’s to the power ballads of today, Sharon takes the audience on a spectacular journey through the music of Streisand’s greatest hits. Sharon not only has the look but has the voice that is unmistakably that of the legendary Barbra. “When Sharon took the stage, I almost fell off my chair, she was a dead ringer” -‐ Jerry Greenburg, Former President of Atlantic Records “Sharon Owens is the Real Deal” -‐ In Touch Magazine “Sharon has the look, the voice, EVERYTHING! Even the nose! I was wowed’ -‐ National Reality News Online “A Star, pardon the expression, is born” -‐ Neil Edwards Theater Critic Radio
For Tickets for all shows: Call 423-‐274-‐8920 or online at www.theparamountcenter.com or ETIX.com
Paramount Season Shows
Smokey Joe’s Café January 22 @ 7:30 THE HIT MEN...featuring Former Stars of Frankie Valli & The Four Seasons February 15, @ 7:30 Tribute to Barbra March 21 at 7:30
Paramount Non-‐Season Shows
Might WurliTizer Organ Silent Film Series February 19 @ 3:00pm Carolina Chocolate Drops March 8 @7:30 The Women of Ireland March 12, @ 7:30 Royal Moscow Ballet March 28 @ 7:30 Might WurliTizer Organ Silent Film Series March 23 @ 3:00 US Navy Sea Chanters March 26 @ FREE TO THE PUBLIC
Other performances at the Paramount
Voices of the Mountains January 25 @ 7:30/ A Symphony of the Mountains and Paramount collaboration “From Bach to the Future” Paramount Chamber Players “Song, Rhapsody and Drama” February 1, @ 7:30 King University Chorus presents “African-‐American Spirituals” February 8 @ 7:30 Symphony Of the Mountains “ L ’amour toujour” Valentines Concert February 14, @ 7:30 / A Symphony of the Mountains and Paramount collaboration Highland Ballet presents “Alice in Wonderland” March 13 and 14 Bristol Ballet presents “Coppelia” April 5 and 6 Paramount Chamber Players presents “Aria, Scherzo, Ghost & Trout” April 12 @ 7:30 10th Anniversary Celebration Girls Inc. of Bristol presents Louise Mandrell May 2 @ 8:00
Smokey Joe’s Cafe: The Songs of Leiber and Stoller
Carolina Chocolate Drops With their 2010 Nonesuch debut, Genuine Negro Jig—which garnered a Best Traditional Folk Album Grammy— the Carolina Chocolate Drops proved Ǧ ǡ ϐ Ǧ music they’d so scrupulously researched and passionately performed could be a living, breathing, ever-‐evolving sound. Starting with material culled from the Piedmont region of the Carolinas, they sought to freshly interpret this work, not merely recreate it, highlighting the central role African-‐Americans played in shaping our nation’s popular music from its
beginnings more than a century ago. The virtuosic trio’s approach was provocative and revelatory. Their concerts, The New York Times declared, were “an end-‐to-‐ end display of excellence... They dip into styles of southern black music from the 1920s and ’30s—string-‐ band music, jug-‐ ǡ ϐ ǡ Ȅ and beam their curiosity outward. They make short work of their instructive mission and spend their energy on things ǣ ϐ ǡ playing, shouting.”
Words and Music by JERRY LEIBER and MIKE STOLLER Directed and Choreographed by Jeffrey Polk The Longest Running Musical Revue in Broadway History -‐ January 22, 7:30 PM SMOKEY JOE’S CAFE is the hottest joint in town! This Tony Award-‐nominated and Grammy Award-‐winning tribute to legendary songwriters Leiber and Stoller is a dazzling, song-‐and-‐dance celebration of over 40 of rock ‘n’ roll’s greatest hits including “Hound Dog,” “Stand by Me,” “Yakety Yak,” “Jailhouse Rock,” “Spanish Harlem,” “On Broadway,” “Kansas City,” “Love Potion #9,” “Fools Fall in Love” and more. The New York Times claims, “Jerry Leiber and Mike Stoller are the Rodgers and Hammerstein of rock ‘n’ roll!” The New York Daily News calls SMOKEY JOE’S CAFE “wildly infectious” and Time Magazine says, “it sails and soars!” “For up-‐tempo...entertainment, SMOKEY JOE’S CAFE is right on the money.” -‐ Los Angeles Times
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January 21, 2014 • The Loafer, Page 5
The Royal Moscow Ballet Presents Sleeping Beauty Sleeping  Beauty,  the  enchanting  story  of  the  princess  Aurora,  brought  to  life  by  The  Royal  Moscow  Ballet  with  their  skilful  arrangement  and  Choreography  by  M.Petipa. In  a  glorious  kingdom,  the  Queen  gives  birth  to  the  beautiful  Princess  Aurora.  Everyone  in  the  kingdom  is  invited  to  the  christening  -Ââ€?  everyone  apart  from  the  evil  fairy  Carabosse.   Carabosse  is  so  angry  not  to  be  invited  that  she  places  a  curse  on  the  Princess  that,  on  her  16th  birthday,  she  will  prick  Š‡” Ď?‹Â?‰‡” ‘Â? ƒ •’‹Â?Â?‹Â?‰ ™Š‡‡Ž ƒÂ?† †‹‡Ǥ Š‡ „‡ƒ—–‹ˆ—Ž ‹Žƒ… Fairy  alters  the  curse  so  that  Aurora  will  not  die  but  will  fall  asleep  for  100  years,  only  to  be  awoken  by  True  Love’s  Kiss.   Sure  enough,  on  Aurora’s  16th  birthday,  Carabosse  smuggles  a  •’‹Â?Â?‹Â?‰ ™Š‡‡Ž ‹Â?–‘ –Š‡ ’ƒ”–› ƒÂ?† –Š‡ ”‹Â?…‡•• ’”‹…Â?• Š‡” Ď?‹Â?‰‡” and  falls  asleep.  A  forest  of  thorns  grows  up  around  the  palace.   100  years  later,  a  handsome  Prince  is  searching  for  true  Ž‘˜‡ ƒÂ?† –Š‡ ‹Žƒ… ƒ‹”› –ƒÂ?‡• Š‹Â? –‘ –Š‡ ”‹Â?…‡••Ǥ ‡ Ď?‹‰Š–• his  way  through  the  thorns  and  wakes  her  with  a  kiss.   The  Prince  and  Princess  celebrate  their  marriage  with  all  their  fairytale  friends  and  live  happily  ever  after.
The Hit Men THE  HIT  MEN  featuring  The  former  stars  of  Frankie  Valli  &  the  4  Seasons. Not  the  cast  from  Jersey  Boys. Not  a  Jersey  Boys  tribute  show. Not  a  Frankie  Valli  and  The  Four  Seasons  cover  band. Members  of  this  amazing  supergroup  of  musicians,  vocalists,  arrangers  and  composers  actually  were  the  Four  Seasons  who  sang  with  Frankie  Valli.  They  were  the  Shondells  who  sang  with  Tommy  James.  They  are  the  authentic  rock  and  rollers  whose  legacy  includes  hundreds  of  hit  records  from  the  60s,  70s  and  80s. This  brotherhood  of  musicians  relive  the  magic  they  created  on  world  stages  and  in  recording  studios  years  ago,  bringing  audiences  a  night  of  mega-Ââ€?hit  after  mega-Ââ€? hit,  after  mega-Ââ€?hit  -Ââ€?-Ââ€?  including  everyone’s  favorite  Four  Seasons  songs  like  “Oh  What  a  Nightâ€?,  “Who  Loves  Youâ€?,  “Marianneâ€?,  “Silence  is  Goldenâ€?  and  many  more.  And  they  also  perform  many  other  memorable  solid  gold  “Women  of  Irelandâ€?  is  an  innovative  and  exciting  full  stage  concert  production  which  showcases  the  next  generation  of  Ireland’s  leading  female  performers.  The  show  demonstrates  the  well  of  talent  that  exists  within  Ireland’s  traditions  of  music,  song  and  dance.  The  common  theme  inherent  in  all  performances  is  the  presentation  of  the  most  revered  qualities  of  Ireland’s  ethnic  music  which  will  be  transported  from  the Â
”‹•Š Ď?‹”‡•‹†‡ –‘ –Š‡ ‹Â?–‡”Â?ƒ–‹‘Â?ƒŽ concert  hall  platform.  Special  •‹‰Â?‹Ď?‹…ƒÂ?…‡ ‹• ’Žƒ…‡† ‘Â? †‡’‹…–‹Â?‰ the  pure  qualities  of  Irish  music  in  a  contemporary  setting.
hits  that  they  helped  make  famous  –  including  “Mony,  Mony�,  “Hanky  Panky�,  “Peace  Train�,  “Bad,  Bad  Leroy  Brown�,  “You’re  So  Vain�,  “You  Belong  To  Me�,  “Mr.  Dieingly  Sad�  and  “Younger  Girl�. During  their  show,  THE  HIT  MEN  also  share  great  back  stories  and  anecdotes  from  their  days  in  recording  studios  and  on  the  concert  circuit.  The  norm  at  their  shows:  audiences  LOVING  the  music  and  the  memories,  people  DANCING  in  their  seats  and  in  the  aisles,  numerous  standing  OVATIONS,  and  long  lines  of  ecstatic  fans  waiting  to  have  each  and  every  member  of  THE  HIT  MEN  autograph  their  CD.
Page 6, The Loafer • January 21, 2014
Tim O’Brien, Darrell Scott
January Jams at Barter Theatre January 25th
The 2nd Annual January Jams at the Barter Theatre have brought in legendary and Grammy-‐Award winning artists every weekend this month . The series included 7 total concerts, most coming close to or
selling out. “In a traditionally slow month in Abingdon, we’ve been able to create an event that people enjoy, and we couldn’t be more pleased,” explains Sara Cardinale, Special Events Coordinator for the ACVB. “The lineup this year has generated quite the buzz, and highlights Abingdon as an up-‐and-‐coming music destination.” G r a m m y -‐ w i n n i n g folk & bluegrass musician, Tim O’Brien, teams up with award-‐ winning country singer/ songwriter, Darrell Scott, to perform the ϐ January 25th and a limited number of tickets are still available.
Memories & Moments is the second studio album from highly regarded writer/singer/multi-‐ instrumentalists Tim O’Brien and Darrell Scott, released on their newly formed Full Skies imprint, a compound of O’Brien’s Howdy Skies and Scott’s Full Light labels. Back in 2000, the two kindred spirits had joined forces to record the deep and scintillating Real Time, which was widely acclaimed on release and has since become recognized as a towering achievement in Americana annals. Following that album O’Brien and Scott became an in-‐demand touring act, hitting the road together whenever their schedules allowed. Over the ensuing years, each has been asked incessantly when their paths would next cross. Indeed, the prospect of a Real Time Redux has come to take ϐ roots-‐music circles — the down-‐ home equivalent of a Led Zeppelin reunion. Amythyst Kiah, a local favorite, opens for the duo. This isn’t her ϐ ǯ ǡ and it probably won’t be her last. Kiah is a singer/songwriter that has an eclectic array of musical ϐ Ǥ fuse traditional roots music with a contemporary style that does not take away from the integrity of the original song, and transforms them into powerful, soulful renditions. January Jams 2014 is presented by The Abingdon Music Experience, Barter Theatre and ϐ in part by Eastman Credit Union. The series will showcase nationally recognized artists on stage at the historic Barter Theatre . Tickets can be purchased by calling 276-‐ 628-‐3991. Doors will open at 7:15pm each night, and shows will start at 8:00pm. Tickets vary in price and can be purchased online viawww.bartertheatre.com . For a complete lineup of events, including details of the Abingdon Music Experience’s summer concert series: January Jams, visit www.abingdonmusicexperience. com.
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January 21, 2014 • The Loafer, Page 7
CASA of Northeast TN Presents The American Girl Fashion Show
Do you know a girl who loves American Girl dolls, books, clothes and accessories? This is the perfect opportunity for her to enjoy everything American Girl while helping children her age! CASA of Northeast TN will present the 5th Annual American Girl Fashion Show on March 22, 2014, at the Holiday Inn in Johnson City. This fun engaging program showcases historical and contemporary fashions for girls and their dolls. All proceeds from ϐ Northeast TN to help local abused and neglected children have a voice in court. CASA of Northeast TN is looking for models to participate in the show. Models searches are going on now! Girls who wear size 6x to size 12 and are willing to raise $100 in donations for CASA, are welcome to participate. Model searches will be held on Saturday, January 18, 2014, from 10:00am-‐Noon at the Jonesborough Visitor’s Center, 117 Boone Street, Jonesborough, TN 37659 and on Thursday, January 23, 2014, 5:30pm-‐7:00pm at Summit Leadership, 3104 Hanover Road, Johnson City, TN 37604 (next to Wallabies). We are looking for girls ǡ ϐ ǡ
who would enjoy walking down a runway in front of an audience of 300 guests. Please print out an application from www.casanetn. org and bring a recent photograph to one of the Model Searches. 90 local models will present the fashions, while lively commentary, music, and decorations will create a memorable experience for girls and their families. Audiences will delight in the historical clothing, from daywear to sleepwear to special-‐occasion clothing, which resembles what the popular American Girl characters Kaya, ǡ ϐ ǡ ǡ ǡ Kit and Julie might have worn. Contemporary “Just Like You” ϐ Little Girl Fashions for little ones complete the program. The event also includes refreshments, a silent auction,
vendors, and door prizes. Tickets are $25 per person and can be purchased through CASA’s website www.casanetn.org. For more information call 423-‐ 461-‐3500 or email admin@ casanetn.org. Sponsored by Quillen ETSU OB/GY. Sponsorship opportunities are still available, please contact Leslie Dalton at 423-‐461-‐3500. American Girl is one of the nation’s top direct marketers, children’s publishers, and experiential retailers. American Girl Programs is ϐ organizations to present Fashion Show events to raise funds for children’s charities. As part of the company’s ongoing commitment to “celebrate girls,” American Girl Programs’ events have generated millions of dollars for worthwhile causes nationwide. The mission of CASA of Northeast Tennessee is to recruit, train, monitor and support community based volunteers to act as Court Appointed Special Advocates. These volunteer advocates “speak up” for the best interest of abused and neglected children in the Juvenile Courts of Northeast Tennessee, striving to preserve the right of each child to a safe, permanent home.
Page 8, The Loafer • January 21, 2014
Historic Steam Train Excursion Traveling Through East Tennessee and Southwest Virginia Spring is in the air, and there’s no better way to celebrate the season’s arrival than by taking a train ride through the Southern Appalachian Mountains. If you’re suffering from “cabin fever” after this long, snowy winter, we have the cure for you – getting out of the house and taking a great train ride! Scenery, history and nostalgia are just around the bend in two spring steam train excursions offered by Norfolk Southern Corp partnering with Watauga Valley Railroad Historical Society & Museum and Tennessee Valley Railroad Museum. On Saturday, April 5, 2014 the Bristol to Radford, VA Special will bring out the glories of the season through the rolling Southwest Virginia hills while celebrating the grand return of 21st Century Steam with historic steam locomotive Southern Railway #630 from Tennessee Valley Railway Museum in Chattanooga. This rare opportunity is being offered to communities along Norfolk Southern lines for display and periodic excursions. The train’s route will take you through historic Abingdon, home of the world famous Barter Theatre and the Martha Washington Inn. Nearby is the famous route of the Virginia Creeper. The excursion will wind through the Virginia highlands, passing Emory & Henry College, Marion and Wytheville then will travel down Pulaski Mountain through a tunnel, and into the town of Pulaski. The train will then steam into the New River Valley and on to Radford, VA, where passengers will be able to enjoy the town with its many restaurants, shops and museums. The Saturday trip to Radford will leave the Bristol, VA Train Station at 8 am. The train will arrive in Radford at 12 noon. The train will depart Radford at 2:30 pm and arrive back in Bristol at 7:00pm. On Sunday, April 6, 2014, the excursion train will operate from
Bristol, VA to Bulls Gap, TN and return. There will be a station stop at the Elm St. Norfolk Southern Elm Street Station in Johnson City, TN. After leaving Johnson City, the train will pass through historic Jonesborough, the oldest town in Tennessee. It will pass Washington College Academy, founded by Samuel Doak in 1780, the oldest school “west of the Alleghenies and south of River Ohio”. Next on the route is Limestone, birthplace of Davy Crockett, then Greeneville, the home of Andrew Johnson, 17th president of the United States. After descending into the lowlands, the train will arrive in Bulls Gap, TN. In Bulls Gap, passengers will have time to visit the small town with a chance to visit the Archie Campbell Birthplace along with the railroad museum and hotel. The Sunday Bulls Gap excursion will also begin at the Bristol, VA Train Station. The train will depart at 9 am then arrive in Johnson City to board passengers at 9:50 am and depart at 10:00 am. The train will arrive in Bulls Gap at 12 noon. The train will depart Bulls Gap at 2 pm, arriving at Johnson City at 4 pm then Bristol at 5 pm. Motive power for the Radford and Bulls Gap excursions will be steam locomotive Southern Railway #630 which also operated on the East Tennessee & Western North Carolina Railroad out of Johnson City from 1952 to 1967.
Steam Engine #630 will be assisted by powerful NS diesels to pull the 15 car train. For many passengers, these excursions will be a once-‐in –a-‐lifetime experience, not only to ride behind a steam locomotive, but also to see the hills and mountains from the unique perspective of the railroad while hearing the whistle echo in the hills and hollows of the beautiful Appalachian Region. Tickets: Starting at $85 per seat for passengers age 3 & up. Everyone age 3 & up requires a ticket; under 3 is no charge if not occupying a seat. Coach Class: $85 -‐ Coach Class seating is provided in temperature ϐ back seats. Deluxe Coach: $100 -‐ Deluxe Coach seating is provided in climate controlled vintage cars with reclining back seats. The Radford ticket does not include a meal only the train trip. The Bulls Gap ticket does include a box lunch along with the train trip. The train will include climate controlled heated and air conditioned cars along with rest rooms. Tickets can be purchased by calling 423.894.8028 ϐ hours: Monday-‐Friday 10am-‐4pm or visitwww.wataugavalleynrhs. org. Tickets are expected to go fast for this event, please order ASAP.
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January 21, 2014 • The Loafer, Page 9
Woolly Mammoth Breakfast Museum of the Middle Appalachians January 25th
The Friends of the Museum of the Middle Appalachian invite you to the annual Woolly Mammoth Breakfast January 25, 2014 at Northwood High School in Saltville, VA. 8:30 to 10:30 am. Woolly the Mammoth, the mascot of the Museum of the Middle Appalachians in Saltville, Va made his debut in the 1992 Labor Day Parade and instantly became a star beloved by all, especially children. Like a good wine, Woolly has aged well through the years (with several complete makeovers). When the Friends of the Museum of the Middle Appalachians started brainstorming for an idea for a mascot, Fred DeBusk suggested that a walking, talking, big woolly mammoth would be the ticket. The mammoth roar of laughter from the Friends only made him more determined and in a very short time, ϐ Ǣ ϐ his mind and then in reality. Woolly was born, a product of a tobacco planter and pine trees. Because his insides (the machinery) was needed for planting that same year, Woolly was soon disemboweled. A couple of years later, Woolly emerged as a 10-‐foot-‐long mechanical woolly mammoth built from 24 discarded Christmas trees attached around a 1969 International pickup truck. Woolly has evolved over the years to a more sophisticated beast and now sports a two-‐tone orange coat made of, well, a heck of a lot of baling twine. Fred DeBusk doesn’t know how much twine was used. “If you started unraveling it and headed south, you’d be in real warm weather,” DeBusk said.. Woolly has become quite the traveler. He has visited Marion, Chilhowie and Abingdon often. Woolly changed drastically after one Abingdon journey. It seems that Woolly ran away and shortly after his return, Woolly was “with child” according to his local physician, Dr. C. O. Finne. On the Fourth of July, 1996 in the Well Fields of Saltville, Dr. Finne delivered a healthy baby girl and Woolly would forever be
known as a “she”. The Saltville Elementary School students had a naming competition and the baby was named “Little Salty”. Little Salty’s godfather, Fred DeBusk, had assisted Woolly by using a four wheeler and lots of framing and chicken wire. Little Salty is much more playful since she is only 7 feet tall to Momma’s 17 foot height. Woolly had a third reincarnation. Her head was made to shake back and forth for “No” and up and down for “Yes.” Woolly also had a new skin made of countless strands of bailing twine and a new control center, now located in the head. DeBusk is constantly tweaking both animals. In 2004, Woolly underwent an extreme inside makeover which included an elevator and inside plumbing. The biggest event in Woolly and Little Salty’s lives is the annual Woolly Day Breakfast sponsored by the Friends of the Museum of
the Middle Appalachians as that groups major fund raiser of the Ǥ ϐ held at a local restaurant, then moved to the fellowship hall of the Madam Russell Methodist Church. From there to the Saltville Elementary School and is currently held at the cafeteria of Northwood High School. Woolly arrives with a police escort. The song “Woolly Bully” blares from a sound system hidden in the bowels of the mechanical creature. Fans are greeted with a spray of water and a wink of the eye. As the crowd gathers around, after eating a mammoth breakfast prepared by the Madam Russell Methodist Men’s Club, Woolly makes her prediction. Will there be six weeks of good or bad weather? This prediction comes before the prognostication of that silly Yankee groundhog. Although Woolly has opened the Nascar Race in Bristol, traveled to Martinsville for an appearance at the Museum of Natural History, assisted Dave Dierk in the evening weather forecast last year and has made an appearance in too many parades to count, she is just a local gal. Her main focus throughout the years has been to promote the Museum of the Middle Appalachians.
Page 10, The Loafer • January 21, 2014
Jonathan Byrd Down Home January 25th
Renowned Â
Folk/Americana Â
songwriter  Jonathan  Byrd  brings  his  show  to  Johnson  City  on  Saturday,  January  25  when  he Â
performs  at  Down  Home  -Ââ€?  www. downhome.com  .  Jonathan  Byrd  ‹• ƒ ‘”–Š ƒ”‘Ž‹Â?ƒ Ď?Žƒ–’‹…Â?‡” ƒÂ?† a  Texas  songwriter,  a  Gulf  War  veteran  and  a  preacher’s  son,  and  an  award-Ââ€?winning  songwriter  whose  songs  you’ve  probably  heard,  even  if  you  haven’t  heard  Byrd  sing  them.  Covered  by  Tim  O’Brien,  Steve  James,  Red  Molly,  Jack  Lawrence,  Melissa  Greener  and  more,  Byrd’s  music  will  seem  familiar  to  any  Americana  fan. Byrd  quit  the  rock  bands  of  his  youth  and  hit  the  road  solo  in  2000,  Ď?Žƒ–’‹…Â?‹Â?‰ ƒÂ?† •‹Â?‰‹Â?‰ Â?‡™ •‘Â?‰• in  an  old  style.  A  tip  from  a  friend  led  him  down  to  the  Kerrville  Folk  Festival,  a  dusty  ranch  where  he  discovered  the  rich  Texas  songwriting  culture  and  made  it  his  own.  The  word  began  to  spread  in  2003,  when  Jonathan  won  the  festival’s  ‘New  Folk’  songwriting  competition,  a  milestone  for  Â?‡”‹…ƒÂ?ÂƒÇŻÂ• Â?‘•– ‹Â?Ď?Ž—‡Â?–‹ƒŽ artists:  Steve  Earle.  Lucinda  ‹ŽŽ‹ƒÂ?•Ǥ ƒÂ?…‹ ”‹ˆĎ?‹–ŠǤ ›Ž‡ Lovett. Â
Byrd  broke  the  record  for  CD  sales  at  the  festival,  and  has  played  there  nearly  every  year  since.  Byrd’s  2008  release,  “The  Law  and  the  Lonesomeâ€?  is  the  fruit  of  this  interstate  cross-Ââ€?pollination,  what  might  have  happened  if  Townes  Van  Zandt  had  made  a  record  with  Doc  Watson.  Tamara  Kater  of  Canada’s  folk  mag  Penguin  Eggs  called  “The  Law  and  the  Lonesomeâ€?  her  “album  of  the  decade.â€?  “Cackalackâ€?  is  the  newest  Jonathan  Byrd  release,  an  homage  to  his  home  state.  Recorded  live  in  a  day  while  on  the  road,  “Cackalackâ€?  hit  #1  on  Roots  Music  Reports  folk  radio  chart,  #22  on  the  Americana  chart,  was  the  #91  Americana  album  of  2011,  and  made  John  Platt’s  “Best  of  2011,â€?  along  with  strong  international  airplay  and  a  dozen  other  “best  ofâ€?  lists.  Most  recently,  Jonathan  won  a  2011  SESAC  Americana  Music  Award  beside  Bob  Dylan,  Seth  Avett,  Hayes  Carll,  Jim  Lauderdale,  and  Colin  Brooks  from  The  Band  of  Heathens.  “One  of  the  top  50  songwriters  of  the  past  50  years.â€?  -Ââ€?Chicago  Tribune.  www.jonathanbyrd.com Dz Š‹• ›”† Ď?Ž‹‡•Ǥdz ÇŚ ‘ŠÂ? ‘”Â?ƒ “Cackalack’s  songs  are  like  dirt  road  visits  with  your  neighbors  outside  the  car  window.â€?  Tim  O’Brien “John  Prine’s  gift  for  stark  little Â
songs  that  tell  big,  complex  stories,  Guy  Clark’s  lean  melodicism,  Lyle  Lovett’s  wry  mischief,  and  Bill  Morrissey’s  knack  for  the  revealing  image.â€?  —  Scott  Alarik,  Boston  Globe “What  a  treat  to  hear  someone  so  deeply  rooted  in  tradition,  and  yet  growing  in  his  own  beautiful  way.â€?  -Ââ€?Tom  Paxton “...able  to  say  more  in  two  words  than  most  other  people  can  say  in  a  novel.  Another  one  of  those  cats Â
–Šƒ– “—ƒŽ‹Ď?‹‡• ĥ ǎ‘Â?‡ ‘ˆ –Š‡ Š‡ƒ˜‹‡•– cats  you  probably  never  heard  of...  a  dyed  in  the  wool  North  Carolinian  John  Koerner...  â€?  —  Midwest  Record “Jonathan  Byrd  doesn’t  sing  songs;  he  sings  truth.â€?  —  Mare  ƒÂ?‡Ď?‹‡Ž†ǥ ‡”ˆ‘”Â?‹Â?‰ ‘Â?‰™”‹–‡” “I  thought  I  was  listening  to  a  young  Doc  Watson.â€?  Jay  Moulin,  Southeast  Performer  magazine “...a  folk  singer  with  the  heart  of  a  rock  ‘n’  roll  band.â€?  —  K.  Oliver,  Free  Times.
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January 21, 2014 • The Loafer, Page 11
Little River Band Niswonger Performing Arts Center January 25th, 7:30pm
Little River Band, one of the great vocal bands of the ‘70s and the ‘80s, will perform at Niswonger Performing Arts Center on Saturday, January 25th at 7:30pm. Little River Band was formed in Melbourne, Australia in 1975. The band chose its name after passing a road sign leading to the Victorian township of Little River, near Geelong, on the way to a performance. It was originally a blend of musicians who had enjoyed success in other Australian bands. Their new focus was to receive airplay on US radio stations, and they achieved that goal with great songwriting, powerful vocals, and guitar harmonies. Between 1976 and 1983, Little River Band had amazing US music chart success including the following singles: It’s a Long Way There, Help Is on Its Way, Happy Anniversary, Reminiscing, Lady, Cool Change, Lonesome Loser, The Night Owls, Take It Easy On Me, Man On Your Mind, We Two, and The
Other Guy. Little River Band is considered to ǯ ϐ bands ever formed. Worldwide album and CD sales now top 30 million. They also set a record for having Top 10 ǥ ϐ band to achieve that mark. According to BMI (a music licensing company), Reminiscing has garnered rare status with over 5 million airplays on US radio stations…and Lady is close behind with over 4 million airplays. LRB was rightfully inducted into the Australian Recording Industry Association (ARIA) Hall of Fame at the 18th Annual ARIA Music Awards of 2004. The current lineup brings new energy and arrangements to the classic hits, making new memories for the audience out of each live performance. It’s always fun to watch as people are swept up by the show’s vitality and the volume of hits from LRB’s history. Little River Band will perform
at Niswonger Performing Arts Center (NPAC) in historic downtown Greeneville, TN on Saturday, January 25th at 7:30 pm. Tickets are $40 for orchestra and mezzanine level seating and $30 for balcony seats. Tickets may be purchased online at www.
npacgreeneville.com, in person at the ϐ ǡ Ͷʹ͵Ǧ͵ͺǦ 1679. NPAC offers online seat selection and Ǧ Ǥ ϐ are Monday through Friday, 10 am until 5 pm. The 1130 seat performing
arts center is located adjacent to the campus of Greeneville High School in Greeneville, TN. For venue information, and to purchase tickets, please visit www.npacgreeneville.com.
Page 12, The Loafer • January 21, 2014
Rob Williams Acoustic Coffeehouse January 25th
Hardship, human frailty, and lessons learned are among the themes that veteran songwriter Rob Williams explores in his latest roots rock offering, A Place in the Sun. The album, released in 2013, is Williams’ ϐ extensive stint with the alt-‐rock band Joe Buck, Jr. This year, Williams, a native of Richmond, VA, is exchanging the familiarity of band front man for the mantle of Americana troubadour as he travels to support his latest release. A Place in the Sun showcases Williams’ talent for delivering a rocking brand of lyric poetry that celebrates the mundane beauty and trials of life. One of the album’s standout tracks is “Norfolk Southern,” an acoustic-‐driven song complemented by melodic electric guitar (played by older sister Leslie Williams). The song is rooted in Williams’ memories of his grandparents’ house – situated near a railroad Ȃ ϐ Carolina farming community during the Great Depression. “My mother told me that my grandmother would say there were three evils in the world, ϐ ǡ General Sherman, and the third being Herbert Hoover,” he explains. “As I grew up, I realized that what my grandmother was expressing really sums up what the Southern mindset must have been in the rural South in the early 20th Century. In ǡ ϐ ǡ deeply religious, and the sting of the Civil War was only a generation or two old.” Despite the soulful nostalgia of “Norfolk Southern,” A Place in the Sun does not dwell on sentimentality. Williams admits that his inspiration for the record was drawn less from traditional Americana themes than from snapshots of everyday living and from the ϐ Ǥ Incorporating stylistic qualities ranging from the swinging grit of the Old 97s to the garage-‐tinged edge of the Replacements, A Place in the Sun remains true to the personal indie sound Williams has cultivated throughout his lengthy career. “These days when I sit down to write, my intention is to create fairly simple songs on the acoustic guitar. But almost always as I’m writing, I hear a full band playing along in my head. So what I come up with usually lends
itself to more instrumentation. That was certainly the case on A Place in the Sun.” ϐ Ȃ as a lyricist and composer are matched by his skilled vocal and guitar execution – has stripped down to an acoustic guitar and a microphone for his current tour. But audiences expecting sedate folk ballads may be caught unprepared for the energetic rhythms and pop dynamism that endure as trademarks of his work. “I can’t envision myself becoming the kind of performer who quietly strums a guitar while winning over an audience with a beautiful vocal melody. It’s just not who I am,” he confesses. After decades of playing with bands in high-‐decibel club settings, Williams’ penchant for delivering a full sound, even when he’s singlehandedly carrying the sonic load, is not altogether surprising. Asked about his transition from band member to solo performer, he suggests that keeping a group ϐ older. “People (in the band) have families and careers outside of music,” he states, “making ϐ the same place at the same time. You get to the point where it just makes more sense to go it alone for a while.” With the album’s release behind him, Williams is embarking on a series of solo acoustic regional tours throughout the Mid-‐ Atlantic and Southeast. For more information about Rob Williams, his current tour, and the stories behind his newest songs, visit http://www. robwilliamsacoustic.com.
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January 21, 2014 • The Loafer, Page 13
KT Vandyke & Driftin’ Westward Acoustic Coffeehouse January 22nd, 10pm
A rag-‐tag group of musical ϐ ǡ wordsmith who’s hell bent on bringing his brand of Appalachian music to the masses. Driftin’ Westward brings a diverse arsenal of musical arrangements and enthusiastic performances where ever they go. Founded by award winning songwriter K.T. Vandyke in 2009, the band in it’s short tenure has taken off performing all over the Appalachian region, and the eastern United States leaving entranced and captivated audiences in their wake. The group has shared the stage with such acts as Rhonda Vincent and The Rage, Pokey LaFarge, Blackberry Smoke, Larry Keel, If Birds Could Fly, and many more. In 2012 Vandyke took home
1st place in the Richard Leigh Songwriters Competition. His song “Huck Finn” took home Best of show. Vandyke credits various aspects of traditional musical genres native to his modest upbringing in the Appalachian region that were pivotal in his development as a musician and songwriter. ϐ ranging from heart thumping progressive rock’n’roll to the soulful application of blue’s and jazz, ϐ Ǥ band founded its sound through the study of artists such as Bill Withers, Darrel Scott, Frank Dean Martin, Ray LaMontagne, Nickel Creek, The Black Crowes, Old Crow Medicine Show among many more including a plethora of classical composers
such as Yann Tiersen, Chopin, and Gustavo Santaolalla. These various ϐ through the melodic compositions orchestrated by Driftin’ Westward by incorporating foot stomping rhythms, ear pleasing melodies, ass-‐kicking harmonies, and deep insightful songwriting that will make you reevaluate placing the
band within the category of a single genre. The group released it’s debut “The White Coat EP” at the end of 2011, and hasn’t stopped since. Concocting a boisterous list of original material that’s sure to raise eyebrows of any critic. The debut release was produced by Grammy Award winning David Castle of
Castle Recording (Best Bluegrass Album for his work with The Clinch Mountain Boys, Jim Launderdale and Ralph Stanley for the album Lost In The Lonesome Pines). The short, but moving EP demonstrates the potential of DW’s musical muscle and entices one to ponder what’s to come in the future.
Page 14, The Loafer • January 21, 2014 Mars’ Tennessee Valley
Space Art Is Real Impressionism
I have often said that science ϐ Ǥ And the 21st Century images from America’s robotic explorers ϐ an artistic level that borders on impressionism. Mercury, our Moon, Mars and Saturn are currently under orbital surveillance, and some of their photos are astounding abstracts of alien worlds. There are hundreds of images that look like works of art by Picasso, Monet or Rembrandt. Some are Martian sand dunes, or
braided rings around Saturn…and how about an Earthrise over lunar mountains? The fabulous photos taken by our robotic warriors in the Solar System have become as iconic as the works of art celebrated in galleries around the world. Now the beauty of our Solar System is being celebrated by the Smithsonian Institution’s National Air and Space Museum in Washington, DC with an exhibit called “Spirit and Opportunity: 10 Years Roving Across Mars.” The Smithsonian exhibit features
photos taken by the two NASA, golf cart-‐sized rovers that landed on opposite sides of the Red Planet in January 2004. Some of the spectacular images remind us of vistas in the American Southwest, while others are purely alien art ϐ data. The six-‐wheeled Mars Excursion Rovers were guaranteed to last 90 days, but have lasted far beyond their warranty—by more than 25 times NASA’s expectations. ϐ ǡ ǡ got trapped in a sandy bog and its solar rechargeable batteries died sometime in 2010. Opportunity is still trucking, now in its 10th year and exploring the rim of a big crater after driving almost 25 miles from its original landing spot. We compare these alien images
to all that we know—our vision of earthly lands. And like the great landscape artists who depict America’s western wonders, the electronic images beamed back to Earth across 50 million miles from Mars are records of worlds in their geologic glory. For some great Martian art, check out the Smithsonian website at http://airandspace.si.edu/ exhibitions/mer/. The exhibit is open through September 14, 2014. Other Mars images taken by NASA’s orbiters also tickle the artist vision, like sand dunes and polar caps that often look like bizarre artwork from surrealists like Dali. For pure alien abstraction on canvass, it’s hard to beat the amazing images of NASA’s billion dollar Cassini spacecraft and its subject of Saturn, its shattered
rings and retinue of 62 moons. The juxtaposition of rings, moons and the butterscotch globe of our sixth planet give us a billion-‐ mile perspective that can be jaw-‐ dropping. There are photos of a cratered moon against the blackness with edge-‐wise rings bisecting the crescent planet in the background. Not to be outdone by the amazing hexagonal shape of the South Pole vortex that is as a dramatic image as it is a physical anomaly that has planetary atmospheric scientists scratching their heads—both left and right brain merging in amazement. ϐ photos that boggle the mind as the ϐ the rings can illuminate Saturn’s night side and give an eerie look never seen by human eyes. Like the amazing photo taken in July 2014 from the backside of Saturn, eclipsing the Sun and showing the Earth as a pale, blue “star” in the sky. There are many historical images from NASA’s space exploration Continued on page 15
www.theloaferonline.com Galileo’s photograph of Jupiter’s clouds
Mars’ sand dunes
January 21, 2014 • The Loafer, Page 15 Continued from page 14
have been ingrained as classic artwork in our minds. Like the ϐ seen by orbiting Apollo 8 in 1968. Or Buzz Aldrin on the Moon with photographer Neil Armstrong’s ϐ Ǥ Ǧϐ ǯ ϐ ǡ Ǥ you can’t leave out the beauty of our planet Earth from orbit 200 miles high-‐-‐always keeping astronauts aboard the International Space Station pressed against their windows. Some of the most amazing space art has been taken by the Galileo spacecraft of the 1990s when it spent 8 years orbiting Jupiter. The swirling colors of the intense cloud bands whipping around the largest planet can look like colored oils mixing in water. Looking at the complex clouds of Jupiter brings Van Gogh to mind. Toss in the four giant moons and another 60 smaller moons and the imagery from the Galileo spacecraft can be mind-‐boggling. Space art is not just limited to our Solar System as images from
the Hubble Space Telescope have become iconic images of our modern times. Two amazing Hubble photos that have become part of our culture of art include “The Pillars of Creation” and “Hubble Deep Space
dzǡ ϐ bonanza that are imagery as beautiful as any canvass ϐ Ǥ Outer space has been depicted by masters of the space art genre like Chesley Bonestell in the 1950s, to Don Davis of the ’70s and Joe Tucciarone of today. Though what comes out of space artists’ minds is based on fact, the “real thing” captured by the imaging electronics of interplanetary robots can blow our minds. Arguably, the vast catalog of two decades of Hubble images contains hundreds of space art masterpieces. One unique aspect about all the images captured by NASA’s spacecraft during the past 50 years of space exploration-‐-‐there are no copyrights. Because American taxes paid for these space probes, their images are accessible free to
Saturn backlit and above
anybody in the world to do with them as they please. The Hubble website encourages the printing of its images-‐-‐even offering some ϐ wall! A visit to NASA’s website will direct you to any of its spacecraft and their fantastic space images. As mankind probes deeper into the Universe for the facts, our mind can’t be separated from the ϐ Ǥ ǯ just part of the human experience that we bring to the quest of alien worlds.
Page 16, The Loafer • January 21, 2014
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January 21, 2014 • The Loafer, Page 17 On this 1986 date in space his-‐ ǡ ϐ only close-‐up look at the planet Uranus when NASA’s Voyager 2 ϐ Ǥ Ǧ ǡ planetary scientists are still ma-‐ nipulating the images while the Hubble Space Telescope watches changes in the clouds of the ǡ ϐ than Earth.
Celestial events in the skies for the week of Jan. 21-‐27, 2014, as compiled for The Loafer by Mark D. Marquette. With the Moon is in the after-‐midnight skies, the bright stars of Winter are in their glory. The dis-‐ tinct constellations of Taurus, Orion, Gemini, the Big and Little Dogs and Auriga are now on display all evening, these constellations containing eight of the top 20 brightest stars in the sky. Even the fainter stars seem brighter against the jet black of cold Winter nights. The brightest “star” in the night is planet Jupiter, rising before sunset and wheeling across the sky until dawn.
Sat. Jan. 25 On this 2004 date in space history, Mars Excursion Rover “Opportunity” safely landed on the surface of the Red Planet. Guaranteed to work for 90 days, this golf cart-‐sized interplanetary vehicle is alive and well on its 10th birthday! Perched at the edge of a seven-‐mile crater, the amazing Opportunity rover has driven more than 25 miles and has had very few problems and may last for many more years. Sun. Jan. 26 Planet Jupiter dominates the early evening east-‐ ern horizon beside its Gemini brothers Castor and Pollux. Meanwhile in the half-‐hour before the 7 am sunrise, the planet Venus makes its appearance above the eastern horizon to begin its dominance of the morning twilight.
Tues. Jan. 21 One easy binocular target high in the east after evening twilight is The Pleiades star cluster, also known as the Seven Little Sisters. Can you see all seven stars with the naked eye? Binoculars will reveal more than 50 stars. Wed. Jan. 22 On this 1978 date in space his-‐ tory, Russia’s unmanned Progress ͳ ϐ ship to dock with a Space Station, Salyut 6. Today some 200 Progress resupply missions to space sta-‐ ϐ Ȅ International Space Station during its 12 years of occupancy. Thurs. Jan. 23 In the hour after midnight Wednesday/Thursday, the Moon rises spectacularly between red Mars and white star Spica in Virgo. As the dark morning hours of Thursday progress, the trio rise higher and the Moon actually occults, or passes in front of Spica in other parts of the world. Fri. Jan. 24 The Moon is at Last Quarter just after midnight.
Mon. Jan. 27 On this 1967 date in space history, three American astronauts lost their lives inside their Apollo 1 ϐ during a routine test simulation. Immortal in space history are space veterans Gus Grissom and Ed White as well as rookie Roger Chaffee. All three no doubt were destine to the Moon—Grissom was the ϐ Ǥ ϐ to beat the Soviet Union to the Moon.
Page 18, The Loafer • January 21, 2014
Trouble At The Tropicabana
Blue Moon Dinner Theatre January 24th - Feb 8th
Take a walk down memory lane with Lucy, Ricky, Fred, and Ethel when Blue Moon Dinner Theatre presents Trouble at the Ǥ ǯ ϐ ǡ tropical drinks, and Latin music and dancing at Ricky’s club tonight, as he gets ready to sign a contract with movie mogul heiress Celia B. De Milo. Is Celia who she claims to be? Will Lucy and Ethel ruin Ricky’s big chance with another of their harebrained schemes to get into show business? What’s the notorious gangster Mr. Big doing at Ricky’s club? And who committed the murder? Get your tickets online at www. bluemoondinnertheatre.com and enter the coupon code “Babaloo” to get 5 dollars off each ticket you purchase for Dinner and Show. ϐ reservations or more information -‐ 423-‐232-‐1350 Dinner -‐ Dessert -‐ And At Least One Murder! Blue Moon Dinner Theatre is located at 215 east main street in Downtown Johnson City. About one block before the Hands on Museum. On Main Street between Buffalo and Roan Street. Many guests like to park in the Free – Lit – parking lot located on State of Franklin Road – Called Downtown Square. From that lot you can take the walkway through to Main Street and be right at our front door.
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January 21, 2014 • The Loafer, Page 19
The Legend of Hercules
The  mythical  character  of  Hercules  has  been  well  represented  over  the  years  in  the  world  of  cinema.  For  example,  a  series  of  thirteen  Hercules  movies  were  produced  in  Italy  in  the  late Â
1950’s  and  early  60’s.  Perhaps  ›‘— Šƒ˜‡ •‡‡Â? •‘Â?‡ ‘ˆ –Š‡•‡ Ď?‹ŽÂ?• featuring  various  actors  in  the  title  role  including  Steve  Reeves  and  ‹…Â?‡› ƒ”‰‹–ƒ› Č‹ ƒÂ?‡ ƒÂ?•Ď?‹‡Ž†ǯ• husband).  There  is  also  a  1983  Ď?‹ŽÂ? ™‹–Š ‘— ‡””‹‰Â?‘ in  the  title  role  that  actually  produced  a  sequel.  In  1997  Disney  released  an  animated  version  of  the  character,  and  we  all  know  about  the  television  series  featuring  Kevin  Sorbo  which  ran  from  1995  to  1999.  The  aforementioned  efforts  are  just  the  tip  of  the  iceberg  when  it  comes  to  celluloid  Hercules.  The  character  makes  a  return  to  the  big  screen  in  “The  Legend  of  Herculesâ€?,  starring  Kellan  Lutz  of  “Twilightâ€?  fame.  Š‡ Â?‡™ Ď?‹ŽÂ? ‹• presented  in  the  3D Â
ˆ‘”Â?ÂƒÂ–ÇĄ ƒÂ?† ‹• –Š‡ Ď?‹”•– ‘ˆ –™‘ Hercules  movies  coming  in  2014.  Š‡ Ď?‹ŽÂ? –‡ŽŽ• –Š‡ •–‘”› ‘ˆ –Š‡ origin  of  Hercules,  from  his  birth  to  his  early  years  of  discovering  his  origin  as  the  son  of  Zeus  and  the  human  Queen  Alcmene  (Roxanne  Mckee).  Alcmene’s  husband,  King  Amphitryon  (Scott  Adkins)  is  convinced  she  has  had  an  affair  with  Hercules  as  the  result.  – Ď?‹”•– ‘—” Š‡”‘ ‹• …ƒŽŽ‡† Ž…‹†‡•ǥ but  Alcmene  soon  reveals  to  her  son  his  true  name  and  origin.  At  Ď?‹”•– ‡”…—Ž‡• ‹• Â?‘– ‡Â?–Š”ƒŽŽ‡† ™‹–Š his  origin,  and  is  just  happy  to  be  part  of  the  kingdom  and  be  with  his  love  Hebe  (Gaia  Weiss).  Of  course  the  life  of  a  hero  is  never  a  smooth  one,  and  the  strong  man’s  brother,  Iphicles  (Liam  Garrigan)  is  very  jealous  of  his  popular  brother  and  plans  to  keep  Hercules  from  Hebe  and  take  her  for  his  bride.  ‡”…—Ž‡• ƒÂ?† ‡„‡ Ď?Ž‡‡ –Š‡ kingdom  in  an  effort  to  stay  together,  but  are  eventually  captured,  with  Hercules  eventually Â
being  sent  to  Egypt  on  a  military  mission.  While  on  the  mission  with  soldiers  under  the  command  of  Captain  Sotiris  (Liam  McIntyre  of  “Spartacusâ€?  fame!),  Hercules  is  taken  hostage,  and  along  with  Sotiris  is  forced  to  be  a  gladiator.  Quicker  than  you  can  say  “Hercules  strikes  back!â€?  our  hero  and  his  new  friend  Sotiris  are  bound  for  Greece  and  vengeance.  I  really  enjoyed  seeing  McIntyre  ‹Â? –Š‡ Ď?‹ŽÂ?ÇĄ ĥ ‹– ™ƒ• ƒ™‡•‘Â?‡ –‘ •‡‡ Hercules  and  the  actor  who  played Â
Spartacus  on  screen  together.  Š‡ Ď?‹ŽÂ? ‹• Ď?‹ŽŽ‡† ™‹–Š ’Ž‡Â?–› ‘ˆ Ď?‹‰Š–• ƒÂ?† ‡’‹… Â„ÂƒÂ–Â–ÂŽÂ‡Â•ÇĄ ƒÂ?† –Š‡ special  effects  and  3D  are  on  par  with  any  current  release.  The  acting  was  typical  for  this  type  of  effort,  and  Lutz  was  a  ’‡”ˆ‡…– Ď?‹– ˆ‘” ƒ ›‘—Â?‰‡” ‡”…—Ž‡•Ǥ
…‘Â?•‹†‡” –Š‹• Ď?‹ŽÂ? –‘ „‡ ‘ˆ –Š‡ “Saturday  matineeâ€?  ilk  of  the  past,  and  nothing  more.  “The  Legend  of  ‡”…—Ž‡•dz ™ƒ• •‹Â?’Ž› ƒ ˆ—Â? Ď?‹ŽÂ? that  will  bring  out  the  kid  in  you.  (Rated  PG-Ââ€?13)  B
Page 20, The Loafer • January 21, 2014
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January 21, 2014 • The Loafer, Page 21
Climb Every Mountain
I have done a lot of things in my time in order to win the affections of the female population. Desperate attempts to prove to them that I am worthy of having “boyfriend status,” despite the fact that as I grow older I’m coming to ϐ ǯ of Charlie Brown and Liz Lemon. Always having the football taken away from me at the last second, or having the constant desire to “want to go to there.” One of these moments in my life came last spring, as I went ϐ Ǥ outdoorsy lass, and I am, well, not. ϐ ǡ allergies, and my fondness for ǡ ϐ hikes are not my thing. I like nature, and I like being in it from time to time. I would rather spend my time having a picnic in a park, than playing junior explorer. Yet when she texted me and asked me if I would like to go hiking with her, I said yes. She told me it would be a day hike,
that we’d be going a slow pace, ǯ ϐ Ǥ Dz accordingly” she said, and having never hiked before, I went out to my local outdoors store. A friendly sales clerk came over and asked if I needed anything, and after telling them what I was looking for, combined with my paranoia about being in the woods for hours upon end, I left with a tidy haul. ϐ ǡ case of freeze dried food, a walking stick, a solar powered charger for my iPhone (because I am that person), and the cream of the crop, a backpack. Not just any backpack, but the Yukon Mountaineer 9000. It was my typical overcompensation for trying to not seem like a clueless fool in the woods. I met her at the hiking path and knew that I had overdone things when, before taking my Yukon Mountaineer 9000 out of the back of my car, I saw her hiking kit. It was a small Jansport backpack, like I used to use in high school, one water bottle, and she had brought
sandwiches for later. Thankfully, she laughed warmly when she learned my massive backpack was full of water bottles and Astronaut Ice Cream. We began our hike up the trail, ϐ Ǥ ǡ ǡ ϐ was actually enjoying myself. The air was nice, the sun was out, and I made a personal soundtrack of 1960s French Pop music, because, ǡ Ǥ ϐ ϐ ǡ we came closer and closer to the second hour, things began to take a turn for me. We stopped to eat our lunch in a little clearing, right at the moment
my thighs had begun drawing up papers to have themselves divorced from me. This pleased them, though they didn’t talk to me for a week afterwards. We sat on a rock together, and marveled at the view. It was a beautiful sight, and the combination of the breeze and the clear day really made it all perfect. Perfect until I noticed my nose began to feel odd. “What type of trees are these?” I asked of the ones surrounding the Ǥ Dz ǡ ǯ ϐ trees” she replied. I’m ϐ ǡ I decided to try to hide it, and tell my body to go into “we’re not gonna sneeze and cough” mode. As she went over to admire the view, I told her I would put away the rest of the sandwiches. In reality this was an excuse to hide behind a rock and empty my sinuses into a napkin. Pulled together temporarily, we moved upward and onward. My allergies stayed at bay for a short while, and now instead of it being mostly of a nasal capacity, I was now having the good ole watery eye. It looked like I was crying, and when she turned to me to point out a bird in a tree, she asked “What’s wrong?” “Oh, nothing” I said, “I’m just thinking about the ending of Back
to The Future: Part 3, when the Delorean gets destroyed.” She nodded softly with a look that said “Ooookay” and on we went. I wiped my eyes dry on the sleeves of my shirt, and caught up with her. By the time we reached the end of the trail, and back to our cars, we had been hiking for a grand total of three hours. My legs felt like Jell-‐O, and I was doing my best to not let this be known to her. We parted, and it was a little awkward, she got into her car while I acted like a bold outdoorsman and took off my gear. As soon as she was out of sight, I slowly put it all in the trunk, and sat down in the drivers seat. I let out the loudest, longest, sigh of my life and collapsed into a shell of myself. The only appropriate thing would to have played “In The Arms of an Angel” over all of this. Needless to say the relationship never took off, “you’re not outdoorsy enough for me” she said. This was, and is, true, and I ϐ call from bed. But at least I can say I went hiking once in my life, and it was enough for me. See you next week.
Page 22, The Loafer • January 21, 2014
Welcome to The Internet of Genetically Modified Organism Thingies So far this month I have been focusing on things we should expect to see or experience more of during this New Year. When it comes to topics like this I am never at a loss for words because we are constantly surrounded and bombarded by new stuff. And that makes my job much easier than if I was writing about something much ǡ ϐ honest politician or an unbiased journalist (myself not included, of course) While browsing the news recently, I came across an interest tidbit about Cheerios, one of my favorite cereals. Here’s what I read: “General Mills announced its iconic brand Cheerios will no longer contain ingredients with genetically ϐ ȋ ȌǤdz Sounds pretty straightforward, doesn’t it? But what in the heck does this statement mean? Should I be worried if one of my recent bowls of Cheerios contained GMOs that were put there before GM’s decision to exclude them from its products? After all, GMOs do sound pretty menacing, like something from a 1950s giant creature movie starring Russell Johnson, the man to whom this week’s column is dedicated; Johnson died last week, and is perhaps best remembered as The Professor (aka Roy Hinckley) from “Gilligan’s Island,” but also Ǧϐ movies like “Attack Of The Crab Monsters” (1957), “It Came From Outer Space” (1953), and “This Island Earth” (1955), as well as in episodes of “Alfred Hitchcock Presents” and “The Twilight Zone.” It seems like each new year brings with it trendy new buzzwords associated with diet and nutrition. We’ve all survived (hopefully) the comings and
goings of worries associated with trans-‐fats, cholesterol, gluten, and carcinogens (not that these things shouldn’t still be worrisome), but this year is shaping up to be the year of the GMO. According to a recent USA Today piece, GMOs, a term that denotes Genetically ϐ ǡ “plants or animals whose cells have been inserted with a gene from an unrelated species in order to ϐ Ǥdz For instance, “plants might be genetically engineered to develop a resistance against insects or to increase nutrients.” While GMOs or related products have been around for quite some time, many people are worried that these genetically-‐ altered substances, which are found in many of our foods, might not be safe, especially in cases where they might reduce nutritional value or create allergens or toxins in our bowls of Cheerios. While the FDA, the US Department of Agriculture, and the EPA all regulate GMOs and have declared them safe, they are commonly found in many familiar food substances such as soybeans, cotton, corn, canola, cranberries
(beware of this year’s Thanksgiving dinner), raspberries, walnuts, and even in some pharmaceutical products. There are prohibitions in place, however, against the inclusion of GMOs in organic products (another much-‐hyped buzzword). I guess that should make us feel better while shopping in our favorite natural foods market. If you’re looking for some really impressive terms to use while involved in a discussion about GMOs, feel free to throw around “recombinant DNA” and
which being online will take on ϐ ǡ and some, like ABI Research (according to our trusty friend, Wikipedia) predict that “more than 30 billion devices will be wirelessly connected to the Internet of Things (Internet of Everything) by 2020.” And, if you want to add yet another term to go along with your GMO-‐ enriched vocabulary, feel free to use “IoT,” the term preferred by Ǧ Ǧ Ǧ ϐ about the Internet of Things/ Internet of Everything. A good bellweather of IoT
lens” that can help people with diabetes to monitor their glucose levels by wearing this lens (which is actually a computer chip) in their eyes. I can only wonder when Google X will announce that Google Glass is available in contact lens form. That will be a true IoT development, and one that will not be detectable like the very obvious Google glasses are. Talk about taking spying and surveillance to a whole new level. We are of course rapidly approaching a time (which is probably already here) when distinctions between being on and ϐ Ǥ Maybe we will soon see a merger of GMOs and the IoT, so we can talk Dz Ǧ ϐ Internet of Things” (GMIoT). But that will be the subject of another column in perhaps the not-‐too-‐distant future (next week, perhaps?). Don’t worry-‐I don’t think I’m ready for that quite yet. However, the GMIoKP ȋDz Ǧ ϐ
of Kelly’s Place”) has a nice ring
“transgenic organisms,” both of which are used to describe GMOs. And if you want to appear even more impressive, make mention of the fact that Paul Berg created the ϐ in 1972. So I guess we could call Berg the Father of GMOs. In any event, be on the lookout for lots of GMO hoopla this year. Maybe by year’s end The Loafer’s pages might be produced using GMOs. But please don’t stop reading it if that happens. I’ve written about our second buzzword, The Internet of Things, several times (recall the Ninja Sphere from a few weeks back?), but this will apparently be the year when we become surrounded by its artifacts. The term refers to the increasing integration of internet-‐based information into nearly everything with which we come into contact. Good examples are internet-‐equipped household appliances and devices (like the Ninja Sphere), automobiles, and even clothing. The Internet of Things will create a world in
(see, I’ve used the term) is the foreboding-‐sounding Google research division called “Google X,” the folks who have already given us IoT products like cars that drive themselves and the much-‐ discussed and very controversial Google Glass project. Last week the division announced the development of a “smart contact
to it, don’t you think? Sounds like something you might like to peruse while wearing your Google X contact lenses. With that thought in mind, I will take my leave until next week when I present you with a buzzword-‐free column (BFC).
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January 21, 2014 • The Loafer, Page 23
Page 24, The Loafer • January 21, 2014