Page 2, The Loafer • May 6, 2014
www.theloaferonline.com
May 6, 2014 • The Loafer, Page 3
Volume 28 Issue #22
Publisher - Norma William’s son • Editor/Graphic Arts Director - Deanna Elam’s son • Office Manager - Susan Gosnell’s daughter Cover Design - Rita May’s son • Photography - Sally Marquette’s son Advertising - Norma Carter’s son, Ada Kincaid’s daughter, Brenda Jackson’s daughter Contributing Staff - Laura Kelly’s son, Kathy Ross’s son, Mildred Silver’s son, Sally Marquette’s son Published by Tree Street Media, LLC., P.O. Box 3238, Johnson City, TN 37602 Phone: 423/283-4324 FAX - 423/283-4369 www.theloaferonline.com • info@theloaferonline.com e-mail: editorial@theloaferonline.com (editorial) adcopy@theloaferonline.com (advertising All advertisements are accepted and published by the publisher upon the representation that the agency and/or advertiser is authorized to publish the entire contents and subject matter thereof.The agency and/or advertiser will indemnify and save the publisher harmless from any loss of expense resulting from claims or suits based upon contents of any advertisement,including claims or suits for defamation,libel,right of privacy,plagiarism,and copyright infringement.
Page 4, The Loafer • May 6, 2014
If you’re looking for a place to take your Mom for a special Mother’s Day meal, you should consider Heartwood: Southwest Virginia’s Artisan Gateway, at Exit 14 in Abingdon. Heartwood, which opened three years ago, was built as a cultural showplace to feature the craft, music and food of Southwest Virginia. Heartwood’s Mother’s Day Buffet is a popular annual event that always features a variety of delicious options. It’s held on Mothers’ Day, which this year is Sunday, May 11. “It’s always great to see people celebrating their moms here on Mothers’ Day,” said Brooke Webb, food and beverage manager for Heartwood. “They have a great time.” You can bring your mom for a special meal, then let her shop in the gift shops and galleries, which are filled with unique items handmade by artisans from Southwest
Virginia. The galleries contain a variety of reasonably priced gifts, from soaps and lotions to jewelry, accessories, kitchen items and pottery. “For a gift, it would be great to have something from our local area that was handcrafted,” said Donna Hensley, a longtime member of Heartwood’s retail staff. “It’s made by somebody who has put a lot of thought and patience and time into it.” Gift cards are available, and Heartwood’s retail staff members are happy to serve as personal shoppers to help you find the perfect gift for Mom. There’s no charge for admission at Heartwood. Mother’s Day Brunch, which is available from 11 a.m. to 5 p.m. on Sunday, May 11, is $23.95 for adults, $12.95 for children ages 5-12, and free for children under age 5. Reservations are strongly encouraged and can be made by calling (276) 492-2400.
A When Mother . . . you’re a child she walks before you to set an example. When you’re a teenager she walk behind you to be there should you need her. When you’re an adult she walks beside you so that as two friends you can enjoy life together.. Author Unknown
www.theloaferonline.com
May 6, 2014 • The Loafer, Page 5
3rd Annual Bourbon, Bluegrass, and BBQ B & B Package Store is pleased to announce the third annual Bourbon, Bluegrass, and BBQ fundraiser. Special hosts for the event are Cliff and Judy Kresge, with the Kresge’s Krew Foundation, which raises awareness and provides support for Autism. This year’s event features both live and silent auctions, as well as “Designated Driver” tickets which can be purchased at the door. Event tickets are $100, with proceeds going to Autism awareness, and can be purchased at B & B Package Store, 3636 Fort Henry Drive, in Kingsport. Special guests for the evening will include Craig Beam, Master Distiller from Heaven Hill Distillery; Charles Nelson, Master Distiller from Green Brier Distillery; Harlan D. Wheatly, Master Distiller from Buffalo Trace; John Lunn, Master Distiller from George Dickel; and others. B & B will also be pouring wines from Biltmore and
Chateau Morrisette. Bourbon, Bluegrass, and BBQ will be held at The Club at Ridgefields, 2320 Pendragon Road, on Friday, May 9th. Festivities will begin at 6:00 p.m., lasting until 10:00. For more information about the event, please contact B
& B Package Store by calling 423246-6801, or by visiting www. BandBPackage.com. In addition to the Bourbon, Bluegrass, and BBQ event, Kresge’s Krew will be hosting the fifth annual Kresge’s Krew Charity ProAM on Saturday, May 10th. Fes-
tivities will kick off with breakfast at 8:00 a.m., followed by a shotgun start at 8:30. To register for the golf tournament, or for more information, visit www.KresgesKrew.org/ events. About the Kresge’s Krew Foundation: “At Kresge’s Krew Foun-
dation we are dedicated to creating awareness about the fight against autism while lending a helping hand to those without the means to receive the proper treatment and therapies.”
Page 6, The Loafer • May 6, 2014
Ralph Stanley II
at The Carter Family Fold Saturday, May 10th, 2014, at 7:30 p.m., the Carter Family Fold in Hiltons, Virginia, will present a concert by Ralph Stanley II. Admission to the concert is $10 for adults, $1 for children 6 to 11, under age 6 free. If you were to gather together an average cross-section of people and ask them if they thought it would be an advantage for a performer to be the child of a living legend, most would probably conclude that it would have to be a definite plus. After all, the doors of opportunity would be quicker to open, and the spotlight of public attention that so many artists spend years trying to cultivate would be yours because – well – just because. Famous by default, so to speak, and doubtless those are very real and tangible advantages. But then there’s the downside – pressure. The learning curve, the whole growth process with all its potential missteps and pitfalls, is a public document. Most artists get to take those perilous first steps of their careers in relative anonymity, a nameless face in the crowd. As one might expect for the son of a renowned banjo player, the first instrument Ralph II ever held was a banjo. At the ripe old age of three, Ralph (or simply “Two” as he is called by his family and friends), had his first lesson from the elder Stanley, learning a simple finger roll. It turned out, however, that he would not be following in his father’s footsteps when it came to his choice of instrument. He soon fell under the spell of the undisputed king of boyhood musical desires, the guitar. He spotted one under his sister’s bed, and according to Ralph, “I wanted to play it. When I was five years old, I started with the guitar and I’ve been playing it ever since.” But despite his interest in the guitar, and the fact that he was occasionally traveling with the Clinch Mountain Boys on the road, he had not yet developed an ambition to play profession-
ally. It took until age twelve and an old 1977 video of the late Keith Whitley during his tenure as lead singer for the Clinch Mountain Boys to inspire him to become a professional musician. After seeing Whitley with the elder Stanley, he was hooked and spent hours in the family basement honing his skills, and weathering the comparisons to his late Uncle Carter. His persistence paid off, and he took the stage as lead singer with Ralph Sr. and the Clinch Mountain Boys in June of 1995. Since then, he has earned the respect of Stanley fans everywhere and has garnered praise as a strong new artist in his own right. Ralph II has had two Grammy nominations on previous albums he recorded with Rebel Records. In 2002 he earned his first Grammy along with his father, Dr. Ralph Stanley, for their collaboration with Jim Lauderdale on Lost in the Lonesome Pines. Ralph II has proven to be an accomplished songwriter and has six solo albums under his belt, along with the newly released and highly acclaimed duet album with his father titled Side by Side. This will mark Ralph II’s fifth performance at the Fold with his band – now an annual event. The
Stanley and Carter families have been pivotal in preserving the region’s rich musical tradition and carrying the music of the mountains throughout the world. Come see this legendary performer in one of the region’s most historical venues – the Carter Fold! Go to http://ralph2.com/ or www. drralphstanley.com for additional information. Carter Family Memorial Music Center, Incorporated, is a nonprofit, rural arts organization established to preserve traditional, acoustic, mountain music. For further information on the center, go to www.carterfamilyfold.org. Shows from the Carter Family Fold can be accessed on the internet at www.carterfoldshow.com. Carter Music Center is part of the Crooked Road: Virginia’s Heritage Music Trail. You can visit the Crooked Road Music Trail site at thecrookedroad.org. Partial funding for programs at the center is provided by the Virginia Commission for the Arts the National Endowment for the Arts. For recorded information on shows coming up at the Fold, call 276-386-6054. The Fold is on Facebook – page Carter Fold – and Twitter – @carterfoldinfo. To speak to a Fold staff member, call 276-594-0676.
www.theloaferonline.com
May 6, 2014 • The Loafer, Page 7
Theatre Bristol presents a special limited engagement Robert Harling’s “Steel Magnolias” Opens May 9
Theatre Bristol is proud to announce a special limited engagement of “Steel Magnolias” by Robert Harling. This show is being produced as a special fundraising endeavor and is not part of the regular season. All proceeds will go directly to fund Theatre Bristol’s main stage season which includes Andrew Lloyd Webber’s “Joseph and the Amazing Technicolor® Dreamcoat,” “Back to the 80’s” and “Scrooge, the Musical.” “Like many non-profits, we needed to do a fundraiser,” explains board president Mike Musick. “One of our challenges is that we have no paid staff, limited resources and a small but dedicated group of volunteers. It takes a lot of effort for us to produce a show and executing a successful fundraiser takes a lot of time and attention.” Musick continues, “So we decided to do what we do best. We’re putting on a show. We asked some of our longtime collaborators if they would be interested and we had our cast a crew assembled. We decided on “Steel Magnolias” because it is such a great story that has characters people can relate to. So many people are fans of the movie and the stage version is even better. It isn’t the typical family show we’ve been doing the past cou-
ple of years, but it is still family friendly enough that we’re hoping mothers and daughters, sisters, aunts, grandmothers and friends will come see it,” he adds. “It is a great opportunity to spend some time with mom around Mother’s Day. She already has everything she wants, so spend some time with mom by taking her to Theatre Bristol for a wonderful story with great characters that will make you laugh and cry. You will have a good time. I guarantee it,” he says with a smile. “It’s also a great girls’ night out.” “Steel Magnolias” will open Friday, May 9 at the Theatre Bristol ARTSpace at 506 State Street in Bristol, TN. Performances will take place May 9, 10, 16, & 17 at 7:30 and May 11 & 18 at 2:30 pm. Reservations are strongly recommended as seating is limited. Reservations can be made by calling Theatre Bristol at 423-383-5979. All tickets for this fundraising event are $15. Concerned with a group of gossipy southern ladies in a smalltown beauty shop, “Steel Magnolias” is alternately hilarious and heartfelt and, in the end, deeply revealing of the strength and purposefulness which underlies the antic banter of its characters, who are truly touching, funny and
marvelously amiable company in good times and bad. The cast consists of local veteran actors who possess previous ties to the show. Emily Glover plays Truvy Jones, the owner of the beauty shop who has many “favorite” things; Brittany Pealer will play Annelle, the assistant at the beauty shop who has her own secret; Carole Ann Miller portrays Clairee, the widow of the former mayor and sports fanatic; Carson Arnold stars as Shelby, the prettiest girl in town whose signature color is pink; SaBrina King will be seen as M’Lynn, the socially prominent career woman and Shelby’s mother; and Dottie Havlik will bring to life the character of Ouiser Boudreaux, the wise-cracking curmudgeon who “has more money than God.” The cast is under the direction of the highly-skilled Will Oliver, a local actor and Theatre Bristol veteran. Cassandra Caffee Phelps, also a Theatre Bristol veteran, stage manages the show. Theatre Bristol extends a special thank you to Kalani Odum of White Creek Photography (photo credits) and Campbell Printing for the promotional posters. For more information, visit www.theatrebristol.com or visit the Theatre Bristol Facebook page.
Page 8, The Loafer • May 6, 2014
~ Plain Old Fun ~ Jonesborough Farmers Market to open 2014 with new, consistent, locally grown products Normally by mid-summer, the Jonesborough Farmers Market has 30 established vendors selling their vegetables, meats, plants, foods, crafts or other products. This spring, the market, housed Saturday mornings on the east side of the county courthouse, is opening Saturday, May 3, with 30 vendors – three new farmers, “locally grown” music and plenty of fresh East Tennessee-roasted coffee. Three new vendors are joining the company of local producers, cooks and craftspeople on Jonesborough’s “front porch” Saturdays from 8 a.m. to noon – The Fig Lady with fig-based pastries and jams, Dona Eva with tamales and salsa
and Matheson Family Farm with produce. “Our market has been referred to as ‘Jonesborough’s front porch,’ ” says market co-manager Heidi Ehle. “If you want to see your friends, make new friends or just hang out with a bunch of people that you’re glad you met, it’s a good place to do that. It’s just plain old fun.” But the Jonesborough Farmers Market has a very serious purpose at the center of the festive atmosphere. “Our market is different from either a regular grocery store or a lot of other farmers markets in that we don’t allow middlemen at all,” Ehle says. “We actually visit the farms to make sure the people selling the goods are actually growing the goods whether it’s animal products or plants. That limits our scope somewhat but it also makes our market special in a certain way.” The locally grown aspect is a mission for the Jonesborough market organization. “It’s important to eat locally, support local farmers and the local economy,” says co-manager Debbie Kruse. “You are investing in the region by eating that food,” Ehle
adds. “You are getting to know the people that are growing that food and you are also doing something healthy for your body because you are generally eating more healthy products by being there.” In addition to the new vendors this spring, coffee roasted by Chef Alex Bomba and wife, Breelyn, of Main Street Café, will be available
www.theloaferonline.com
for the first time under the courthouse clock and a new structure will roll in each Saturday, Kruse says. “Jimmy Sentelle, our very popular pork vendor, is providing a ‘facelift’ to the alley behind the courthouse,” she says. “He’s in the process of making a little structure on a trailer that will be very cute. It’s modeled after his smokehouse at his farm. So that back area behind the courthouse is becoming uptown.” Market administrators are look-
May 6, 2014 • The Loafer, Page 9
ing forward to a new product from Sentelle before the May to October market season is over – a hot dog. “He’s been developing it all winter to the delight of his dogs,” Ehle says. “He has not quite come up with the perfect seasoning formula yet, but we are all anxiously awaiting it. Hopefully by the Fourth of July, we’ll have Jimmy Sentelle’s hot dogs to sell at the market.” Meanwhile, the Saturday markets will offer consistency, the managers say, including live mu-
sic by local musicians, once again coordinated by Roy Andrade, a professor in Bluegrass, Old Time and Country Music Studies at ETSU. Local bluegrass band The Old Timers will kick off the spring and summer of market music. In addition, there will be eight farmers providing eggs from differing varieties of chickens. “Our market has become known for its delicious eggs, “ Ehle says. “That part of our market has expanded even more, and this time of year is when chickens are producing the most. “We are also proud of our meat market. There aren’t many places where you can talk to the person who’s raising the animal and find out exactly what they’re doing. And we have some really stable produce vendors that consistently have excellent products throughout the season depending on what’s available at the time. You can’t get vegetables much fresher than that unless you grow vegetables in your garden yourself and kneel down and nibble.” On opening day Saturday, May 3, Kruse says patrons should ex-
pect shitake mushrooms, baby bok choi, mustard greens, cilantro, some hot-house tomatoes and plenty of early onions and radishes, in addition to beef, pork sausage, chicken and tomato and herb plants for setting out. In addition, vendors will have wood products including cutting boards, alpaca products, pottery, wood-fired breads, croissants and jams, honey and all-natural pet treats.
“Come just have a cup of coffee and a pastry, think about what you want to shop for while you admire the light of early morning Jonesborough,” Ehle says. “It’s a pretty town, early in the morning. Come admire it with us.” For information, call 423-4582123, email jbolocallygrown@ gmail.com or visit www.jonesborough.locallygrown.net.
Page 10, The Loafer • May 6, 2014
UVa-Wise Bluegrass Band
Featured in The Crooked Road Youth Music Series at Heartwood
Photo Credit: Shannon Scott
The Crooked Road: Virginia’s Heritage Music Trail presents a Youth Music Series concert on Thursday, May 8th, from 6:30 to 8:00 p.m. at Heartwood: Southwest Virginia’s Artisan Gateway in Abingdon, Virginia. The concert will feature the UVa-Wise Bluegrass Band from Wise County. The UVa-Wise Bluegrass Band had humble beginnings. During the concluding performance by the East Tennessee State University Bluegrass Band as part of the UVaWise 50th anniversary celebration, some questioned why the college did not have a bluegrass band of its own. Richard Galyean, the college’s band director and instructor
of music, decided that night that there would be a bluegrass band in the near future. A few short years later, with only a few students, the band began. They played several concerts and enjoyed a receptive audience. The next year, UVa-Wise Guitar Instructor Chris Rose was brought in to oversee the ensemble, and the group grew by leaps and bounds. Today, the ensemble boasts a student who has recorded his own CDs and lists the bluegrass band as one of the reasons he chose to attend UVa-Wise. The band features Corbin Hayslett, an awardwinning musician and songwriter. This past year, the band opened
for Nathan Stanley at the Jettie Baker Center in Clintwood, Virginia, and was thrilled to perform on the same stage as Dr. Ralph Stanley. They also performed at the 2013 Dock Boggs Festival and are proud to be playing the Music Of The World Festival in Luxembourg on June 5th, 2014. The Crooked Road Music Series features youth music performers and showcases venues of the Crooked Road region. These events, along with open jams on the 1st, 3rd, (and 5th) Thursday of every month, are hosted at Heartwood. A complete schedule for the music series is available on The Crooked Road website at www.thecrookedroad.org and at www.heartwoodvirginia.org. The music series is sponsored by The Crooked Road, Heartwood, Virginia Commission for the Arts, and the National Endowment for the Arts. Heartwood: Southwest Virginia’s Artisan Gateway is located off I-81 at Exit 14 in Abingdon, Virginia and features food, music, and craft of Southwest Virginia. Admission to the concert is free and donations will be accepted for The Crooked Road Traditional Music Education Program (TMEP). For more information on The Crooked Road Music Series call (276) 492-2409 or email: info@ thecrookedroad.org.
www.theloaferonline.com
May 6, 2014 • The Loafer, Page 11
Improv Comedy Weekend Nights at Blue Moon Dinner Theater
Blue Plate Special takes the stage each Friday and Saturday night at Blue Moon Dinner Theatre, located in the heart of Downtown Johnson City. The Tri-Cities based improv group presents an hour and a half of improv comedy, creating scenes and situations entirely without a script, only using what suggestions come straight from the audience each show night. The talented group features, in alphabetical order: Laura Berry,, Clayton Van Huss, Dave Hutton, Richard
Nave, Matt Quick, Faith Rader, Sean Read, Andy Ross, Steve Schultz, Erin Hensley Schultz, and Christopher Tester. Shows are Friday and Saturday nights at 10:00 PM, admission is $5.00 per person, with a cash beer bar available as well. For more information be sure to like Blue Plate Special on Facebook at www.facebook. com/blueplatespecialimprov and Blue Moon Dinner Theatre at www.facebook. com/BlueMoonDinnerTheatre.
Introduction to Zen Meditation Appalachian Dharma & Meditation Center
The Appalachian Dharma & Meditation Center (ADMC) is offering a free workshop May 10 on “Introduction to Zen Meditation” from 1 to 3 p.m. It is open to those who are curious about Zen meditation teachings and practices. Prior experience with meditation or Zen is not required; all are welcome to attend. The session will include a brief history of Zen, a meditation period, and an introduction to Zen teachings with an emphasis on applying those teachings to everyday life. There is no requirement for a specific position for meditation. Chairs and cushions are available for your comfort. There will
be about 30 minutes of total meditation time with an opportunity to stretch in the middle and, space permitting, a walking meditation. The session leader is Daniel Long, a daily practitioner and student of Zen meditation. Information concerning Mr. Long is available at the “Weekly Groups” link on the ADMC website: www.dharma4et.org. The session is free of charge. ADMC is located at 108 West 10th Avenue, Johnson City, TN on the basement level. All events at ADMC are open to “danas” or donations but it is not required. For additional information, please email dharma4et@gmail.com.
Page 12, The Loafer • May 6, 2014
50’s Themed Customer Appreciation Day
The Goodwill Industries of Tenneva retail store in Johnson City, Tennessee is the place to be on May 9 from 9 a.m. to 6 p.m! The Johnson City South Goodwill is holding its annual customer appreciation event, which is themed as a 50’s sock hop event and will include a tent sale featuring items on sale for 75 percent off and a 50 percent off orange tag sale! The Johnson City South Goodwill, located at 2004 S Roan St, will have employees dressed in 50’s style complete with leather jackets, floral dresses, suspenders and greased back hair! The tent sale will feature various items such as furniture, clothing, household
items and children’s toys, all at 75 percent off. Beverages and snacks will be provided and there will be door prize give aways all day! If patrons can not attend this customer appreciation sale, the next one will be a 50’s themed customer appreciation sale at the Wise Goodwill. It is located at 205 Ridgeview Rd in Wise, Virginia. The proceeds from the retail stores funds Goodwill Industries of Tenneva’s employment services and vocational programs for people with barriers to employment. For more information, please call the Marketing Department at 423.245.0600.
2014 Relay for Life of Washington Co. is Here!
The 2014 Relay for Life of Washington County is here! Come out and support your local American Cancer Society on May 10, 2014, from 10:00 a.m. – Midnight, at the Washington County Fairgrounds: “Hope, with a County Fair Flair.” Musical entertainment, games, contests, honoraria and commemorations will be on the main stage of the event and at individual team sites throughout the day. Special
events for children, survivors and caregivers are scheduled, as well. Call the American Cancer Society at 276-739-7780 with questions. For updates, schedule postings and other announcements, check out Washington County VA Relay for Life on Facebook! VOLUNTEERS ARE STILL NEEDED. CALL THE AMERICAN CANCER SOCIETY AT 276-739-7780 FOR MORE INFORMATION.
www.theloaferonline.com
May 6, 2014 • The Loafer, Page 13
3rd Annual
Crooked Road Youth Music Festival Youth musicians from throughout Southwest Virginia will be featured at the 3rd Annual Crooked Road Youth Music Festival on Saturday, May 10th from 11:00 a.m. to 7:00 p.m. at Heartwood in Abingdon. 25 bands will perform on two stages throughout the day, and an “Old Time Square Dance” will take place inside Heartwood from 5-7 p.m. The square dance will feature Shawn Brenneman, caller, and The Lee Highway String Band. The festival will highlight groups representing area traditional music programs such as the Mountain Music School String Band, Honaker FFA Bluegrass Band, WiseJAMS, and the Jamming Bobcats from Abingdon Elementary School. Additional performers include the Blackberries, Tyler Hughes, the
Yates Family Band, Travis Starkey & Cheryl Lunsford, Valley Grass, the Loose Strings Band, Adam McPeak & Mountain Thunder, the Patterson Family, the Butcher Family, Changing Lanes, Leigh Beamer, Oh Brother Where Am I?, Gravel Road, Pike City, and Close Kin – Our Roots Run Deep. The Crooked Road Youth Music Festival is sponsored by Abingdon Convention and Visitors Bureau, Abingdon Olive Oil Company, First Bank & Trust Company, Heartwood, Highlands Union Bank, the National Endowment for the Arts, Pepsi Beverages Company, Virginia Department of Housing and Community Development, Virginia Commission for the Arts, the Wayne C. Henderson Scholarship Program, and Wordsprint.
Heartwood: Southwest Virginia’s Artisan Gateway is located off I-81 at Exit 14 in Abingdon, VA, and features food, music, and craft of Southwest Virginia. Admission to the festival is $5.00 for adults,
$2.00 for children 6-12, and kids 5 and under are free. For more information call (276) 492-2409 or email: info@thecrookedroad.org.
Page 14, The Loafer • May 6, 2014
Student Artworks Bring Variety and Vibrant Color to Historic Downtown Bristol
The Arts & Entertainment District is hosting the 3rd Annual Student Art Gallery in Downtown Bristol. In an effort to “Cultivate Bristol’s Creativity,” the district has invited the local schools to help us beautify our community by providing art to decorate the front windows of the former Hayes Furniture Building on State Street. “We have some very talented artists in our community, and the Student Art Gallery downtown is a wonderful venue for the students to show off their talents – and it gives art teachers an incentive to offer to their students,” says Barbara Smith, board member of the Arts & Entertainment Committee and Bristol Ballet. “It is imperative we support the arts and arts education for our young people. Our world needs people who can think creatively and solve problems, not just regurgitate facts. Art Education and opportunities in the arts do just that.”
Each school or group that participates has a month-long period to display their students’ art in the space. The seventh gallery of art went up on May 2, showcasing art from students in the 3rd, 4th, and 5th grades at Van Pelt, Stonewall Jackson, Highland View, and Washington Lee Elementary Schools in Bristol, Virginia. The art is taken from a variety of projects done throughout the school year, reflecting studies of specific artists, cultures, and techniques, as well as the students’ own creative ideas. Artwork by the students from Van Pelt, Stonewall Jackson, Highland View, and Washington Lee will be on display at the Hayes Furniture Building until June 2, 2014. For more information, please contact René Rodgers at Believe in Bristol on 276-644-9700, rrodgers@ believeinbristol.org, or visit the website at www.believeinbristol. org.
www.theloaferonline.com
May 6, 2014 • The Loafer, Page 15
‘The Human Virus’: ETSU’s first HD feature film to be screened at Real to Reel “The Human Virus,” a thriller by local filmmaker and East Tennessee State University graduate student Tim Altonen, will be screened at Real to Reel Theatres on Thursday, May 8, at 9 p.m. Tickets are $3 and will be available at the Real to Reel box office beginning May 4. This is a one-night only event, and seating is limited to 150. In “The Human Virus,” Aaron, a land surveyor on his first day with a new crew working in a remote area of the Appalachian mountains, is ambushed by a group of psychotic campers, one of whom may be infected with an unknown virus. As paranoia spreads about the existence of the virus, the campers and surveyors become entangled in a downward spiral of confusion, deception and murder. With little hope of escape from the campers, Aaron desperately attempts to track down the remaining surveyors and end the cycle of madness. Altonen wrote, directed and edited “The Human Virus” over the past six months as his thesis project in the New Media Studio master’s degree program in ETSU’s School of Graduate Studies. This is the first feature-length film in high definition from ETSU and the first feature-length film from the New Media Studio program; other films of that length had been produced earlier through the Radio, Television and Film (RTVF) program in the Department of Communication. To raise money for the production, Altonen reached out to the community using the crowd-funding website Indiegogo, which secured a third of the $3,000 budget. To cover the rest of the budget, he took out a student loan. Over the course of what he calls “one of the most brutal winters on record,” Altonen brought together an all-volunteer cast and crew to see the project to fruition.
“The ‘polar vortex’ we experienced here shut down production for nearly a month,” he said. “Every time there was snow on the ground, we couldn’t shoot, because each scene had to match the others, and the film was shot 100 percent outdoors.” Altonen first came to ETSU in 2005 to complete his undergraduate work after receiving his associate of science degree from Chattanooga State Technical Community College. As his final project in 2007, he wrote and directed ETSU’s first high-definition short film, which won the Murvin H. Perry Award for Creative Achievement in the Department of Communication and premiered in front of a sold-out crowd at Real to Reel Theatres. After graduating from ETSU with his B.A. degree, Altonen worked
on several independent feature films in the region, serving in many roles on the sets, including director of photography, assistant director and script supervisor. He spent a few years as a freelance filmmaker before returning to ETSU to work as a technical assistant and later equipment room manager for the RTVF program. A Tennessee native raised in the town of Dunlap, just outside Chattanooga, Altonen plans to continue making feature films in East Tennessee after he graduates with his master of arts degree on May 10, and “hopes to make a living from it.” For more information, email Altonen at altonen@etsu.edu. For disability accommodations, call the ETSU Office of Disability Services at (423) 439-8346.
Page 16, The Loafer • May 6, 2014
Russian Coup at
the Space Station?
What a predicament! Russia can easily take control of the earth-orbiting International Space Station, shared by 15 other countries and built piece-by-piece with 37 American Space Shuttle missions. And in the midst of the Ukraine crisis, the head of their space program has posted on Twitter that threat of a coup in outer space. Russian Deputy Prime Minister Dmitry Rogozin, whose bank assets have been frozen as a target of U.S. sanctions, twitted this on April 27th: “After analyzing the sanctions against our space industry, I suggest to the USA to bring their astronauts to the International Space Station using a trampoline.” In other words, Rogozin, the head of the Russian Space Agency, has told America to take a flying leap if it wants access to the ISS! Along with the US sanctions against Russia, NASA has banned any contact with the Russian
Space Agency’s headquarters at Star City, outside Moscow. Exceptions are the training underway for American astronauts and their assigned missions with cosmonauts and other foreign space fliers. The International Space Station orbiting Earth could become literally occupied by Russians only, as they have the only spaceship that can dock there. Their threeman Soyuz spacecraft became the only ride when Congress and the Obama Administration decided to retire in 2010 the Space Shuttle program and its three veteran Orbiters. The tense international situation has repercussions all over the world, but 225 miles high in outer space, the drama seems written out of a blockbuster spy novel. The International Space Station is easy to see with the naked eye as a bright star moving across the night sky, a popular object for even casual stargazers.
Aboard the ISS is the first commander from the Japan, Koichi Wakata. The other five members of the Expedition 39 crew are Americans are Steve Swanson and Rick Mastracchio, and three Russians: Oleg Artemyev, Alexander Skvortsov and Mikhail Tyurin. The crews rotate out in groups of three, as two Soyuz space craft are always attached to the amazing research facility that space insiders simply call “The Station.” After 150 days in space, Commander Wakata, Russian Tyurin and American Mastracchio will return to Earth in their Soyuz TMA-11M spacecraft on May 13. That will leave two Russian and an American on the ISS until the launch of the Expedition 40 crew in Soyuz TMA-13M on May 28th consisting of a Russian, an American and a European. When the Ukraine crisis spurred world sanctions, NASA said the science aboard The Station would
www.theloaferonline.com necessitate a survival scenario for a day or two—which has occurred several times. So, Russians could execute an actual armed take-over of The Station. What repercussions would that create? NASA Chief Charlie Bolden has noted that the space station has been through “multiple international crises” since crews began living there full-time on Nov. 2, 2000. That includes the 2008 war between Russia and Georgia over break-away regions Abkhazia and South Ossetia. If Russia kicked everyone off the ISS and maintained it themselves, not just America would be affected. Five space agencies are involved, the others being Canada, continue with Americans as That’s right, under the command- Europe and Japan, all contributing planned. But as military actions er’s seat of both Soyuz spaceships billions of dollars to the developescalated, so has the rhetoric about now docked to the ISS is a com- ment and construction of The Stawhat could happen aboard the ISS. bination rifle/shotgun/machete tion. The crisis might accelerate the NASA has been paying up to $70 weapon that has flown on every million to a seat in the cramped manned mission. Called the TP- work being done by three private Soyuz capsule, a spaceship design 82, it is the bail-out gun for Rus- aerospace firms building manned Already the firm first flown in 1968 and modern- sian military pilots. Because the spacecraft. Soyuz spacecraft lands on solid Space-X has flown successful unized as technology progressed. America’s four to six person ground, an errant trajectory could manned supply mission with their Orion space capsule is still three or four years away from test flights, let alone routine missions to the ISS. The only other spaceship in the world is China’s Shenzhou, a knock-off of the bulbous, three section Soyuz. China is not a partner in the $100 billion ISS, and has flown only five very ambitious human missions, including two to their own, small space station. But could China become a space partner of the ISS and supply rides? Back in the 1970s, it seemed impossible that the USA and Russia would cooperate in outer space. The Station has recently been granted a life extension until at least 2024. The orbiting outpost is the largest manmade structure in space, and rotating crews of astronauts and cosmonauts have manned it since 2000. Five space agencies representing 15 different countries helped build the space laboratory. Could Russia take the ISS as hostage? If Russian President Vladimir Putin wants to, it’s a real possibility. Not only do the Russian’s have the only manned spaceships going to The Station, but they have the only weapons on-board, too!
May 6, 2014 • The Loafer, Page 17 spaceship called Dragon, which is being modified for human travel. Behind it are two other spaceflight firms, Orbital Science Corp. and Virgin Galactic. Currently there have been 212 individuals who have docked with The Station, including 31 women (none of which have been Russian). That represents a total of 355 “tickets” punched, with the multiple visits by single astronauts. Six people have made four flights, including current crewman Mastracchio. There are 26 persons who have made three flights and 76 people have lived on the ISS twice. As tensions continue between Russia and the Free World over their actions in the Ukraine, the politics will spill upward to outer space and the crown jewel of 50 years of space exploration—the International Space Station. Some facts about the ISS: • The covering the size of a football field, the entire complex weighs 816,000 pounds. • The acre of solar panels generates 110 kilowatts of power, and
the panels move to face the Sun as The Station orbits. • Traveling at 17,500 mph (5 miles per second) at an average 220 miles high, the ISS takes 90 minutes to orbit the 25,000 mile circumference of Earth. • Keep in mind that the ISS orbit is in 45 minutes of daylight, then 45 minutes of night, creating 17 sunrises and sunsets each 24-hour period. • Eight tons of food is required to support a six person expedition crew for half a year. Because the sense of taste is somewhat suppressed in space, crews enjoy spicy foods, including shrimp cocktail, tortillas, barbecue beef brisket, breakfast sausage links, chicken fajitas, vegetable quiche, macaroni and cheese, candy-coated chocolates and cherry blueberry cobbler. Lemonade is the most popular drink. • There are 13 rooms on the ISS, the most popular being the sevenwindow cupola, where spacefliers have a breathtaking view of Earth and space.
Page 18, The Loafer • May 6, 2014
Skies This Week Celestial events in the skies for the week of May 6th - May 12th, 2014, as compiled for The Loafer by Mark D. Marquette.
The Moon catches any eyes looking skyward as it dances from right to left (or west to east) across the Spring night. And the ringed planet Saturn official joins the night as it rises when the Sun sets. Leo, Virgo, Bootes, Ursa Major and Hercules take over the night sky. And Jupiter begins to say goodbye as it leaves the night scene by midnight. Meanwhile, meteors seen all week could be pieces of the famous Comet Halley as the Eta Aquarid Meteor Shower is in progress. Tues. May 6 Tonight is the peak of the Eta Aquarid Meteor shower, and you might see up to 20 meteors an hour after midnight—and a bunch of strays throughout the evening. These “shooting stars” are sand grain-sized pieces of Halley’s Comet as Earth passes through its orbit. Halley’s Comet was last seen in 1986, and will return in 2061. Wed. May 7 First Quarter Moon, a beautiful sight directly south as the Sun sets in the west. The line between daylight and night is called the “terminator,” and on Earth we call it twilight. In a telescope or binoculars you will see the dark seas of frozen lava, craters and mountain ranges. Thurs. May 8 Jupiter has been a beacon all winter in the cold night sky and now it is bidding adieu to our curious eyes. But there is still a month or so to see its giant globe with cloud bands and
the four moons discovered by Galileo four hundred years ago. On July 24th, it will pass behind the Sun, popping up in the morning sky a few weeks later. Fri. May 9 Saturn is at opposition, meaning rising opposite the Sun and becoming part of the early evening sky. It spends the year in the constellation Libra the Scales, the only inanimate object in the Zodiac. Sat. May 10 Astronomy Day. Around the world, science centers will have programs to educate the public about the Sun, Moon and stars. Join the amateur astronomers at Bays Mt. Park and Planetarium in Kingsport for an afternoon of sharing the Universe. Sun. May 11 The Moon is between Mars and Spica, making a conjunction of celestial objects. Hour by hour you can see the Moon move away from the Red Planet and brightest star in the area. Mon. May 12 After midnight, the Milky Way begins to rise in the east, bringing with it the constellations of Summer. Leading the way is the bright star Vega, which will be the Pole Star in about 6,000 years, due to the wobble of the Earth’s axis, completing one complete circle every 26,000 years. That’s why the faint star Thuben in Draco was the Pole Star when the Egyptian pyramids were built.
www.theloaferonline.com
May 6, 2014 • The Loafer, Page 19
Page 20, The Loafer • May 6, 2014
Clinchfield 100 returns to Erwin after 30 years Many railroad enthusiasts in the area are likely familiar with the Clinchfield 100, and after 30 years away, the railcar will soon return back home that was once its home. Clinchfield 100 will return home to Erwin, TN on Wednesday May 7 for the CSX Transportation Erwin Health Fair. The famous car left Erwin in 1983 after the merger and became property of CSX Transportation in Jacksonville, FL. In June 2013, the Watauga Valley Railroad Historical Society & Museum in Jonesborough, TN purchased the Clinchfield (Car 100) from its private owner in Florida. Since the car is 103 years old, Car 100’s passengers have included railroad officials, business leaders and even Santa Claus. Car 100 began its run in 1911, when the all-steel coach car was built by the Pullman Co. for the Atlantic Coast Line Railroad. Originally, the car was known as the ACL 985. Around 20 years after its construction, what would come to be known as Car 100 was rebuilt by the ACL’s main passenger shop in Rocky
Mountain, N.C., into a full-operating dining car by the ACL, which dubbed the car the “Orlando.” Until 1951, the Orlando operated as a full diner car on the ACL’s main line between Washington, D.C., and Miami. Car 100 is 82 feet long and 10 feet wide, it could comfortably haul around 20 people and that many meals were served and much poker was played in the cars heyday. Aside from its dining area and kitchen, the car also had room for three bedrooms. There is very few pieces of former Clincfield Railroad equipment in existence now. It was early in 1951 that officials with the Erwin-headquartered Clinchfield Railroad decided that the railroad’s original office car was getting just a tad too old to keep in service, and officials began their search for a replacement. In May of that year, the Clinchfield purchased the unserviceable Orlando diner car from the ACL and brought it to Erwin to undergo major renovations from ground up. After almost two years of restoration work, completed under the direction of Clinch-
field Chief Mechanical Officer P.O. Likens, the Clinchfield Railroad had its new office car, which was dubbed Car 100. Car 100 had its first test run in August 1953 and first official run three months later when it began service as the official car on the Clinchfield Santa Train, which it would do until 1983. According to WVRHS&M President Mike Tilley, Car 100 was also used for business meetings and trips for businesses along the Clinchfield Route beginning in the mid 1950s while under Clinchfield Railroad ownership. “In 1968, Mr. T.D. Moore took over the general manager’s job of the Clinchfield Railroad and put new life into Car 100,” Tilley said. “Mr. Moore brought back to life the Clinchfield 1 steam locomotive and put together the 14-car excursion fleet. The special excursion train operated from November 1968 to May 1979 hauling passengers over the Clinchfield. Car 100 served as the trail car on many of the trips. Mr. Moore used the car to entertain customers during the ex-
cursions and at the CC&O stations in Johnson City and Kingsport.” On top of its numerous trips to important Clinchfield Railroad locations such as Elkhorn City, Ky., and Spartanburg, S.C., Car 100 was used to transport folks to the Barter Theater in Abingdon, Va., along the Southern Railway and Norfolk & Western. It also made trips to Memphis, Richmond, Charlotte, Corbin and Jack-
sonville, Fla. “It was seen all over the Family Lines System in operation during the ’70s and ’80s,” Tilley said. When the Family Lines System absorbed the Clinchfield Railroad in the 1970s, Car 100 was painted to reflect the Family Lines grey, red and yellow color scheme in 1980. Car 100 was later retired and transported to the CSX office in Jacksonville, Fla., in
www.theloaferonline.com 1983 to be evaluated for use as a CSX fleet car. It was stored at the CSX West Jacksonville Office Car track for the next year, when it was sold to a private party in Tampa, FL . Car 100 was again sold to Florida resident Bill Beddell around 1985. Ten years after this, Car 100 was moved to the Aberdeen Carolina & Western Railway in North Carolina and was subsequently moved again to the Lancaster & Chester Railroad in Lancaster, S.C. In July 20, 2013, Car 100 was moved from Lancaster SC to the North Carolina Transportation Museum in Spencer, NC for restoration. Watauga Valley RHS&M members worked long ours matching up the paint and the stripping to bring back the beautiful Clinchfield colors. Willetts Rail Car Company of Spencer, NC did the painting on Car 100. Car 100 rolled out of the paint shop on January 14, 2014. On March 16, 2014, the State of North Carolina dedicated the car to the general public and Clinchfield Railroad rail fans at the North Carolina Transportation Museum. Over 800 people attended this big event to show off Car 100. Many people still remember Car 100 as she shined the rails on the
May 6, 2014 • The Loafer, Page 21 Clinchfield Railroad even though it’s been 32 years since the car has been in Erwin. For one day only, Wednesday, May 7, Car 100 will be placed on display at the corner of Nolichucky Ave and Opeskiska St in Erwin just south of the CSXT General Office Building and Erwin Library. The car will be on display only and will be available for exterior pictures, interior tours will not be available at this time. Attendees can also attend the CSXT Transportation Annual Health and Safety Fair also on Wednesday May 7, at the National Guard Armory in Erwin. The event is open to the public with free admission. More than 50 health and safety vendors will take place including physicians, the city health department, smoking cessation counselors, local wildlife experts, and insurance company representatives, firefighters, EMT’s sheriff’s department, Operation Lifesavor and LifeFlight helicopter staff. A blood donation van will be available for those wishing to donate blood. Many former Clinchfield employees, families along with area rail fans will be on hand to welcome Clinchfield 100 back home again. Both the events, display of Car 100 and the Health and Safety Fair will have free admission.
Sam Hadfield Hits the Road with Down-Home Solo Performance With deep sincerity, tongueand-cheek humor, dark ballads, and playful story songs, Nashville singer/songwriter, Sam Hadfield’s, live show is about embracing all aspects of human emotion. Whether he’s playing in a rock club, coffee shop, dive bar, or listening room he spins his set into an ongoing narrative with down-home sensibilities. He’ll be taking that show on the road this spring promoting his debut release Livin’ With Free Livin’ On My Mind. Recorded at Eastern Sun Audio in Austin, Texas in 2013, this will be the first tour supporting the release. Featuring a backing band comprised of long-
time Austin musician, Matt Simon (Voxtrot, Belaire, Tele Novella), as well as Austin bluegrass favorites, Whiskey Shivers, the album centers around Sam’s storytelling and songwriting abilities. Though the album features a full band he will be stripping it down to a solo acoustic set this spring as he tours the southeast. Visit www.samhadfieldmusic.com for a list of May performances. “With the band’s early Rockabilly vibe and Hadfield’s ear for turning simple phrases into memorable rhythms and melodies, his tunes are sure to turn any barroom attendee into a devout follower.” -Turnstyled, Junkpiled
Sam will be at The Acoustic Coffeehouse on Wednesday, May 7th. Call 423-434-9872 for more information
Page 22, The Loafer • May 6, 2014
“The Other Woman” I really had high expectations for the new film “The Other Woman”. After all, it does star Cameron Diaz, who can excel at playing a beautiful but klutzy character, however, the actress must have material suiting her talents. Does the new film “The Other Woman” provide such an outlet for the actress? Yes and no. This is a film that often tries too hard for laughs, and suffers as a result. The film introduces us to Carly Whitten (Diaz), a well-heeled professional who has begun a relationship with a man named Mark (Nikolaj CosterWaldau) after they had a previous hook up. The two are getting serious, at least in the eyes of Carly, when Mark suddenly tells Carly he has to head back to Connecticut and will not be able to attend a dinner to meet her dad, played by Don Johnson. Carly is upset, but her dad convinces her to make a surprise trip to Mark’s house. The surprise is actually on Carly when she discovers Mark is married to the woman she meets at his door, Katie (Leslie Mann). Carly immediately returns to New York, only to be visited by Katie who has discovered the affair. The two reluctantly become friends (only in the movies!), and team up to take Mark down after they discover he is having yet another affair with a blonde bimbo named Amber (Kate Upton). Eventually the three ladies, all duped by Mark, team up to ruin the louse. They hatch their plot to destroy Mark, but not before some moments of bonding at the beach house of Katie’s brother Phil (Taylor Kinney). The ladies plot involves everything from giving Mark hormones to ruining his finances. I must say
the ladies in the film give it their all, especially Mann, who is often on the door step of over-acting. You really want to feel sorry for the character of Katie, but the filmmakers have made her so annoying, you just want her to shut up most of the time. As for Cameron, she does the best she can with the weak material she is presented, and keeps the film from being a total disaster. Coster-Waldau, best known for his work in the televi-
sion series “Game of Thrones”, makes a good jerk, but is at the mercy of bathroom humor and pratfalls. Overall, “The Other Woman” does provide for a few laughs, but is often a pitiful attempt at being a comedy film, and the only factor that could make it worse would be the presence of Adam Sandler. Feel free to “cheat” on “The Other Woman” by staying away. (Rated PG-13) C
www.theloaferonline.com
May 6, 2014 • The Loafer, Page 23
Sheila Arnold, an acclaimed storyteller who specializes in folk tales and historical pieces, will be the next performer in the Storytelling Live! series, a special sixmonth program curated by the International Storytelling Center. She’ll offer a week’s worth of performances, May 13 – 17, Tuesday through Saturday, with daily
mate performance style. “There’s nothing between me and the audience,” she says. It’s not a play. I don’t believe in the fourth wall. It’s just me and the audience, and I get to share some things with them—a little bit of me and a little bit of something else I think that they might love.” Information about all TIR perSouth Carolina. But I’m a chame- speaks 100,000 words even if I’m formers, as well as a detailed leon; I pick up the accents that I’m not speaking,” she says. schedule for 2014, is available at around. That’s probably one of the While she has a deep love of www.storytellingcenter.net. things I learned to do when I was acting, storytelling was a natural Season passes that offer savtraveling with the military to fit in. fit for Arnold because of her inti- ings of 44 percent will be avail“My uncle recently pointed out that I’ve been doing this since I was a little kid,” she continues. “He laughed because I get paid to do what we’ve been doing all
performances at 2:00 p.m. in the Mary B. Martin Storytelling Hall. Tickets for all matinees are just $12 for adults and $11 for seniors, students, and children under 18. A performer since the tender age of 8, Arnold got her start on the stages of churches, schools, and anywhere else she could find an audience, including home. A military brat from a family of talkers, the gift of gab helped her connect with people as her parents moved around the world. “Southern is probably what I consider myself more than anything,” she says. “My mom and dad are Southerners, and the rest of my family lives in North and
our lives around the table. My mom’s side of the family is known for their talking ability—they talk around, above, and on top of each other at all times.” As an adult, after she became a mother, Arnold’s talents developed further as she tried to entertain her small son. Story time at his preschool turned into a job as a performer at Colonial Williamsburg, where she told historical stories and old folk tales. While her storytelling superpower is vocal work—a trick she picked up as a kid, when she did voices for all the characters in the Pokey Little Puppy—her delivery is also affecting. “I’ve been told that my face
Jonesborough welcomes
Sheila Arnold
able while supplies last, and ticket holders will save 10 percent on same-day dining at The Olde Courthouse Diner, The Dining Room, Jonesborough General Store and Eatery, or Main Street Café. The International Storytelling Center is open 10 a.m. – 5 p.m., Monday through Saturday. For more information about Storytelling Live! or to make a group reservation, call (800) 952-8392 ext. 222 or (423) 913-1276.
Page 24, The Loafer • May 6, 2014
May 6, 2014 • The Loafer, Page 25
www.theloaferonline.com
Jonathan’s Spring Fling There’s a certain protocol one has to follow when accepting invitations to events held by friend’s boyfriends. Picture a bullseye in your head, in the dead center is the circle of friends that you have known the oldest, those almost always get an automatic yes. Outside of that, is the group that you’re close with, but if you skipped a graduation party or boozy Halloween bash, no one would really care. Closing out the bullseye, is the “people you’ve not seen since high school and used to make fun of you for liking Doctor Who but now that’s all they talk about on Facebook isn’t that somewhat ironic ha ha” group. These are the invites you outright ignore. So what happens when, through some mysterious twist of fate, one of your best friends starts to date a man who is firmly in the last ring of this bullseye? Then, once they’ve been firmly established as a couple through a series of endless photographs on the Facebooks, you’re invited to attend a party his parents are throwing in his honor. A celebration of him graduation from grad school. What does one do? Does one go? Does one make some cheap excuse? This was the debate I found myself in not too long ago, and the deliberation process was long and involved many a flow chart. I had to say yes, and I would have to act like I was very pleased to be there. At no point during any of the festivities could there be a look on my face or tone in my voice that indicated “I’m only here because you’re doing exciting things after dark with one of my best friends.” The party was going to be held at the country club his family had been members of for years, if anything I figured the food would be good, and it was an excuse to wear a bow tie. So I found myself wearing a nice bright Spring suit and bow tie, and off I went to the club. I walked out to the outdoor poolside area, where everyone was, scatted about the place with members of the wait staff shuffling in between them. Jonathan, the graduate we were celebrating, spotted me. Walking towards me, Jonathan extended
his hand, and I shook it. “Hey Andy! Good to see ya!” he said as he shook my hand, following by slapping me on the side of my arm, and asking me if I was excited about the new doctor on Doctor Who. I smiled, and laughed, and said a few words then departed to look for my friend. As I wandered around the poolside area of the Country Club, I saw the big buffet table where various silver serving dishes of food had been neatly lined up. On a round table at the end of the buffet, was a series of cupcakes decorated in pastel colors. The cupcakes in the center had red letters on them, which spelled out “Congratulations, Jonathan!” On the way to find my friend, Sally, I stopped by the drink station and got myself a drink. As I scanned the area for Sally, I felt a hand on my right shoulder.
“Andy! You made it!” I turned, and it was Sally, who greeted me with a hug. After some short catch up chatter, Sally led me towards a group of people so I could mingle. I didn’t know anyone there outside of Sally and Jonathan, so Sally made all the introductions, telling people my name, followed by “he writes.” Thus began the awkward conversations of people who are just meeting for the first time, and are clearly outside of each others respective wheelhouses. After a short set of introductions Sally moved around to mingle with newly arrived guests, and I politely broke away from the people I had been talking to, and walked over to examine the buffet table. It was an impressive array of cocktail foods, with almost everything being able to be handled by one hand, or consumed with the use of a toothpick
instead of a fork. After I had been there for what seemed to be an hour, I can only assume that all the invites had arrived, and Jonathan’s parents huddled everyone centered around the pool. A speech was forthcoming, the kind that parents give to celebrate the great achievement. Family members tear up, friends smile, and random people like me just wonder when they can get more of those fancy cocktail weenies. As we stood around the pool, drinks in hand, listening to Jonathan’s mother go on and on about how her great her son is and how he has such a magnificent career ahead of him, a breeze hit the air. With it being a fresh spring day, and with the air being ripe with pollen, the breeze sent a hefty load of it wavering through the air. I happen to be a long standing allergy sufferer, so I began to sneeze. Not quiet, undetectable sneezes, oh no. These were big, full, heavy, full body heaves of sneezes. With the first sneeze, my right arm jerked and my hand tossed the contents of my drink up into the air, which then landed promptly on my head. Next came a series of three sneezes, so fast and furious were they that
I was unable to keep my eyes open, or have any idea as to what direction I was moving in. They caused my whole body to shake, and as a result I was inching ever so closer until, that’s right, I fell in the pool. Laughter began, as is people’s desire at the sight of a rotund man falling into a pool. As the laugher began to subside, Jonathan felt it was time to say a witticism, a line so witty it is bound to go down in the annuls of history, as he yelled “Bet ‘cha wish you had a TARDIS, bro!” I floated in the pool, and as I pondered what would be the most dignified way to exit, I realized that any dignity I had when I had entered the Country Club was long gone. I composed myself, stoically walked out of the pool, and kept on walking. As I drove home, wind sweeping around me, a cold bound to be coming, and my car needing drying, all I could think about was how much could have been saved if I had only said no to the invite. Sally did call me, three days later, when her and Jonathan broke up, which I seemed to have been the catalyst for the conversation that began it. She’s happier now, and I’ve avoided any and all aquatic activities for weeks. See you next week.
Page 26, The Loafer • May 6, 2014
Quarter Century I submitted the first installment of what was to become “Kelly’s Place” on May 6, 1989, when my daughter, Dresdan, was a little less than a month old; in so many ways she is a visible reminder of this column, which has grown up along with her. So, if I have done my math correctly, what you are now holding in your hands (or reading on your computer, phone, or tablet) is No. 1,291 in a series that started a quarter of a century ago—for some reason that sounds a lot more impressive than “twenty-five years ago.” Of course, that makes me feel rather old, but at least I can say I’ve spent the last quarter of a century thinking about a lot of things I never would have if Loafer Publisher Bill Williams had not given me the space to indulge my passions for popular culture week after week after week. Of course, I also owe a big debt of gratitude to you, my reader, for putting up with me for so long. And, to paraphrase an observation from Jerry Garcia, one of my favorite philosophers, what a long strange trip it has been (and hopefully will continue to be). My very first column was about two movies (“Smooth Talk” and “Stealing Home”) that had just become available on VHS. When I finished composing that minimasterpiece on my Smith Corona word processor (which was basically an electric typewriter with a small and very primitive computer-like screen), I printed it from the typewriter portion of the processor and then drove across town to deposit it in a metal box affixed to the Loafer office door. There were no smartphones, texting, social media, iPads, steaming media, or Internet back then. The very idea that this column might one day be “online” would have seemed like science fiction in 1989—and the term itself probably wouldn’t have made very much sense to me any-
way. Well, “Kelly’s Place” (as my column was christened on January 17, 1990, taking its name from my parent’s motel in North Carolina) did eventually go online, in February 1997, and my word processor was replaced by a real computer with dial-up modem one year later, allowing me to use something called Email to instantly (?) send my stuff to our editor. No more driving across town with my newly printed column laying on the passenger seat. Needless to say,
except where these topics intersect with pop culture, which they often do. Some of my titles still amuse me: “Escalators and Shoelaces,” “Why I Love Bowling,” “Things I Love To Hate,” “Things I Hate To Love,” “You Might Like To Hear My Organ,” “Disappearing Through The Skylight,” “George Washington Was A Mouseketeer,” “O Come, All Ye Shameless,” “Tis The Season To Be Paranoid,” “There’s Something Fishy In My TV,” “Yes, Even A Librarian Can
larger and more important issues. Take “2013—The Year Of Smart Toilets” for example. Here was a chance not only to report all I had found out about the technology of smart toilets but also to reflect on how the so-called “Internet Of Things” could very well alter the way we live and think. In a related topic, “Where Has ‘Go To’ Gone” I gave some serious thought about how the mobile society in which we live has eliminated the need to go anywhere to find answers and
I rarely get warm and fuzzy nostalgic feelings when I think about those cross-town trips, although I do sometimes miss that SmithCorona word processor. That first year’s worth of columns set the stage for what was to come. In those columns I wrote about more movies, books, music, concerts, people, and themes like “Halloween Horrors” and New Year’s predictions. Since that time I have explored a greater variety of topics and added more reflections on technology, TV, gadgets, and lifestyles. I have studiously avoided political and religious issues,
Be An Action Hero,” “Hillbilly Horror,” “Walk A Mile In My Carbon Footprint,” “Invasion Of The Inflatables,” “Let’s Give Thanks For Nonsense,” “Solastalgia And The Uncanny Valley,” “A Figment Of The Loafer Imagination,” and “Santa And His Mannequins Are Watching You.” The list could go on and on, of course, but we don’t have time for that. I decided early on that this column would give me the opportunity (and a golden one at that) to use the many evocative artifacts and personalities of popular culture as springboards for thinking about
to seek out information—we now carry all this in our back pockets in the form of our smartphones. “Are You Suffering From Ambiguity Anxiety” gave me occasion to write about a somewhat controversial topic—the nearly-constant manufacturing of maladies by our friends over in the psychiatric community (a favorite target for a few of my not-so-nice asides). Some of my favorite columns have been those belonging to my annual “Halloween Horrors” series. Here I can wander around in various haunted houses, unearthing lots of spooky treasures from
horror literature, films, TV shows, and “real life,” all the while encouraging you to watch stuff like “I Married A Monster From Outer Space.” The best part of doing what I do each week is that I never have to worry too much about not finding material. All I needed to “back in the day” was to turn on TV, listen to the radio, read a newspaper, or wander through the mall. Now, things are much easier. I just type something into the Google search box or check one of my news feeds. The ubiquity of pop culture in this mobile age gives me more than enough material for another quarter-century of columns. And I am always grateful for the many ideas that readers, family, students, and acquaintances have given me over the years. So, please don’t stop giving me suggestions. I hope my columns will continue to entertain, provoke, and engage (but not enrage) you. And I hope they will often encourage you to see things from different and sometimes unusual perspectives. I take it as a compliment that I have only received one piece of hate mail in the past twenty-five years, and that message was not so much hateful as it was chastising. I took it in stride and wrote back to thank the reader for at least noticing my column. Thanks for your continuing support, and I look forward to having you as my “Kelly’s Place” guests for many weeks, and hopefully years, to come. I also want to thank my wife, Jeanna, who has always been there to remind me that Wednesday evenings are “write-your-column” nights. Special thanks also goes out to Bill Williams and the Loafer staff for allowing me to do this for the past quarter century. Time really does fly when you’re having fun. See you next week.
www.theloaferonline.com
May 6, 2014 • The Loafer, Page 27
Page 28, The Loafer • May 6, 2014