The Loafer April 7th

p a g e

Artist 10 International to perform at Eastman

p a g e

on the Lawn 13 Music returns to Abingdon

...plus so much more

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April 7, 2015 • The Loafer, Page 3

Volume 29 Issue #18 Publisher Luci Tate

Guess Who’s Thirty?

Editor Graphic Arts Director Don Sprinkle Office Manager Luci Tate Cover Design Bill May Advertising Dave Carter Elaine Farris Terry Patterson Lori Hughes

in this issue ....

4

DollyWood is turning 30!

5

Spring Spectacular Photography Contest & Exhibition

8

Joan Osborne Join MerleFest 2015

12

Billy Crawford Band faces off with the young guns of blues

Published by Pulse Publishing, LLC., P.O. Box 3238, Johnson City, TN 37602 Phone: 423/283-4324 FAX - 423/283-4369

14

“Brownlow’s War” at Tipton-Haynes

15

“Save The DooDads!”

19

“Nashville on the Road” Songwriter Night at NPAC

www.theloaferonline.com info@theloaferonline.com

20

Screening of Ethan Hawke’s first Documentary

21

Observe Arbor Day with a free tree

Contributing Staff Jim Kelly Andy Ross Ken Silvers Mark Marquette

e-mail: editorial@theloaferonline.com (editorial) adcopy@theloaferonline.com (advertising) All advertisements are accepted and published by the publisher upon the representation that the agency and/or advertiser is authorized to publish the entire contents and subject matter thereof.

The agency and/or advertiser will indemnify and save the publisher harmless from any loss of expense resulting from claims or suits based upon contents of any advertisement,including claims or suits for defamation, libel, right of privacy, plagiarism, and copyright infringement.

Founder: Bill Williams

music & fun 16 28

Spotlight - Great Music & Fun Times Crossword & Sudoku

22 23 25 27 29 30

Stargazer - “ISS Year-Long Mission Underway” Skies This Week House Calls: Ask Dr. Jeff - “Cognitive Behavorial Therapy” Screen Sceens - “The Second Best Exotic Marigold Hotel” Batteries Not Included - “Retirement Home: A Harrowing Thriller” Kelly’s Place - “Testing for Correct Pop Lyrics”

columns & reviews

Page 4, The Loafer • April 7, 2015

30th Anniversary of Dollywood “Love Every Moment”

Dolly Parton brought her down home charm, with a dash of glitter and sparkle, to Pigeon Forge on March 20th and 21st to usher in the 30th anniversary of Dollywood. The entertainment legend is always on hand for the park’s opening weekend, and fans of the star and her namesake park always show up in throngs to celebrate a new season with Dolly.

For its 15th season, The Festival of Nations (running now through April 20th) is the parks opening

showcase festival, and the always popular event has some new and returning performers.

After several years away, Rhythm of the Dance from Ireland returns, with dancing and Celtic music providing for a spectacular show.

Returning for a second year is Los Pampas Gauchos from Argentina, and the wonderful show features folk dancing, showmanship and comedy. The Mariachi Divas from Mexico are once again part of the festival, and their Grammy win-

ning ways are always a hit with audiences. The tropical sounds of the Caribbean are provided courtesy of Invaders Steel Orchestra, and nothing, other than the original, beats their version of “9 to 5”. For the first time park attendees will be able to experience the unique sounds of Alash Ensemble, who hail from the Tuva Republic in southern Siberia.

Don’t miss your chance to hear Tuvan throat singing. Upon entering the park, you will once again be treated to the peaceful melodies of Atahualpa, the group hailing from Ecuador always provides a peaceful respite from the busy park with their soothing music of the Andes. As you travel through the park, be on the look out for Zebra Stelzentheater, German stilt dancers in original costumes who perform routines throughout the park. Providing new thrills this year is a show from Quebec, Canada, Timber! The group features acrobatic routines inspired by the first North American loggers. Personally, The Festival of Nations is one of my favorite events at Dollywood, and is not to be missed.

During opening weekend, Dolly made special appearances at many of the International shows, and made several important announcements in celebration of the park’s 30th anniversary.

Dolly announced the Showcase of Stars in coming back to the park, and will kick off with four concerts by the star herself on August 8th and 9th. The concerts, which will benefit Dolly’s Imagination Library, will be held at D.P’s Celebrity Theater, and will close with a concert by Kenny Rogers. Other acts for the concert series will be announced at a later date.

For more information on the Showcase of Stars visit www.dollywood.com or call 1-800-DOLLYWOOD. Dolly also announced the seasons other festivals, which are

as follows: Dollywood’s Barbeque & Bluegrass (May 23- June 7), Dollywood’s Great American Summer (June 13-August 2), Dollywood’s Rock the Smokies (September 5th), a new event featuring contemporary Christian music on stages throughout the park, Dollywood’s National Southern Gospel & Harvest Celebration (October 2-Oct. 31), and of course, Dollywood’s Smoky Mountain Christmas (November 7- January 2). Dolly also discussed the August opening of Dollywood’s DreamMore Resort, one of biggest dreams come true for the park. Visitors can begin booking stays at the resort by visiting DollywoodsDreamMoreResort.com or by calling 800356-5996. Actual reservations may be booked for a August 18th and beyond stay. During her time in the park, Dolly was in one parade with the international stars, and

was happy to see fans and give them a personal wave and smile, as only she can.

During her media day appearance, Dolly announced her new web site, DollyParton.com, which will not only include her business entities, but all aspects of her entertainment career, and her work to promote literacy in children.

Upon visiting the web site, you will realize just how vast Dolly’s reach and influence is in the business and entertainment worlds.

I also encourage you to visit Dollymania.net, a wonderful Dolly news web site created and run by Duane Gordon. The 30th season of Dollywood is certainly shaping up to be one of the park’s best ever, and as the park theme states: “Love every moment”.

- Story by Ken Silvers

Photos by Daniel Carrell & Jason Worley

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April 7, 2015 • The Loafer, Page 5

Kingsport Spring Spectacular Photography Contest and Exhibition Celebrating 13 years The Annual Kingsport Spring Spectacular Photography Contest and Exhibition is celebrating 13 years! The contest and exhibition will be at the Kingsport Art Guild Gallery and the Atrium at the Kingsport Renaissance Center.

The Kingsport Spring Spectacular Photography Contest and Exhibition is looking for entries.

There are three levels of competition: Youth, Amateur, and Proficient. Competition categories are: Nature, Pictorial, and the Carrie Penley Themed category. This year’s theme is: “NURSERY RHYMES.” The Photographs can be color or Black and White (Monochrome).

Cash prizes and ribbons awarded for 1st, 2nd, 3rd places, People Choice award, Best of Show, and The Jerry Penley “I Love the Blue Ridge/Appalachian Region.” Honorable Mentions will receive ribbons.

Entries will be turned in at Rainbow’s End Floral and Gift Shop located at 214 E. Center St. Kingsport, TN. Monday through Friday April 20, 2015 through May 2, 2015 from 10 a.m. to 5 p.m. and

Saturdays April 25th and May 2nd from 10 a.m. to 3 p.m. The deadline is May 2, 2015 at 3 p.m. Entries may be shipped to Ann Fortney 154 W. Wanola Ave, Kingsport, TN 37660 but needs to arrive by the deadline.

Judging will be May 9, 2015 from 10 a.m. till finish. Times depend on number of entries. Judging is open to the public at The Kingsport Renaissance Center located at 1200 E. Center St. Kingsport, TN The Kingsport Spring Spectacular Photography Exhibition is from May 31-June24, 2015 during regular business hours. Reception/Awards Ceremony will be Sunday May 31, 2015 from 2-4 p.m. All awards will be presented that day with the exception of the People’s Choice which will be presented June 20, 2015 at 3:30 p.m.

Deadline for voting for People’s Choice is June 20th at 3 p.m.

For more information contact Ann Fortney at 423-914-5453, email: anniepenjacc2@aol.com, or face book: Kingsport Spring Spectacular Photography Contest and Exhibition.

Have an event coming up?

Email a press release and photos to:

editorial@theloaferonline.com

Page 6, The Loafer • April 7, 2015

Rocky Mount Museum’s

“Wooly Day”

It’s Bristol Baby!

Win 2 Tickets to the Race!

Let us have it! We wanna hear from you. Email us at info@theloaferonline.com. Every reader’s email gets submitted into a random drawing. One lucky reader will win 2 tickets to next weekends race! Tell us your favorite section / column of The Loafer. Your least favorite. What you want to see more of. What you love about The Loafer. Where you pick it up or do you read it online? Let’s get to know each other.

Rocky Mount Museum will be presenting its annual “Wooly Day” on April 11th from 115. Wooly Day is Rocky Mount’s spring event which features hand shearing of its flock of Cotswold sheep, wool processing techniques of the 18th century and other spring activities on a frontier farm. Admission is $5 for everyone aged 5 and up. Members of Rocky Mount Museum receive free admission. Group rates available with reservation. Candle Dipping, and Natural egg dyeing cost an additional $2 per craft per person. Lunch vending will be provided during the day by Cocoa Connection, based in Piney Flats.

Five Cotswold lambs have been born so far this spring, with three more ewes expecting. As in years past, Rocky Mount will have a contest to name these lambs for children 11 or younger. Submissions can be made at Rocky Mount and will be taken through April 11th. The newborn lambs are always a hit at Wooly Day; children will have opportunities throughout the day to meet and pet the lambs.

Adults will have special programing as well: Frontier Academy, Rocky Mount’s continuing series for adults, will guide adults

(ages 16+) through the textile process: letting them try their hand at shearing, spinning and weaving for a deeper engagement, at no extra cost. Registration can be found on Rocky Mount’s website, and a sign up will be provided on Wooly Day. Rocky Mount’s Wooly Day is an opportunity for visitors to experience the spring activities of the early settlers of Tennessee.

Wool processing is featured during this event. Rocky Mount’s flock of sheep will be sheared throughout the day using hand shears. This is a great opportunity for children to get a close look, and even pet sheep, feel their wool and learn how it would be made into clothing. Visitors will be given the opportunity to wash the freshly sheared wool, use wool cards to straighten the fibers, and see how it is spun into yarn, and woven into cloth. Other demonstrations include hearth-side cooking, gardening and 18th century toys. For an additional cost, visitors can make a candle or use onion skins to naturally dye an egg.

Living History Tours of the Cobb House and buildings will be given throughout the day. For more information call (423) 538-7396 or 888-538-1791.

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Registration Now Open for Ramsey Center’s Fiddling’ 5K

Registration is now open for the third annual Fiddlin’ 5K “Run for the Music” Road Race, set in Mars Hill, NC, on Saturday, April 11, 2015, and beginning at 9 a.m.

The event is hosted by Mars Hill University’s Liston B. Ramsey Center for Regional Studies, and it will benefit the Bascom Lamar Lunsford “Minstrel of Appalachia” Festival and the Junior Appalachian Musicians, a local program of the Madison County Arts Council that teaches mountain traditions through music and dance education.

Starting and finishing on the beautiful campus of Mars Hill University, the race will send runners pounding up and down those famous Madison County hills while local musicians perform at locations all along the course.

At the race’s end, runners and other participants will meet on the Upper Quad of the Mars Hill University campus for a kids’ dash, more good music from The Midnight Cowboys, beautiful awards made by local artisans, and coffee and other refreshments by Zuma Coffee and Vintage Fab. According to Hannah Furgiuele, Program Coordinator for the Ramsey Center and Lunsford Festival Director, the race combines a celebration of healthy competition and physical fitness with an appreciation for regional music. Plus, it happens at one of the most beautiful times of year.

“I love how this event brings together the running community with the music community,” Furgiuele said. “It is so fun to host the Fiddlin’ 5K on the Mars Hill campus in the spring, because our campus is bursting with flowers and birds in April! We are expecting a good crowd, and even if you don’t want to walk or run, we’d love to have you join us on the upper quad from 9-11 a.m. for live music!”

Registration for the race is now open and offers several options for non-Mars Hill community. Your $25.00 registration fee includes a tshirt to commemorate the event, or you may choose the $18.00 option and receive no t-shirt. Registration

for MHU students, staff, faculty and alumni is $18 and includes an event t-shirt. We are also hosting a team event this year who will be awarded two prizes—fastest team, and also most spirited team!

Get more information about the Fiddlin’ 5K “Run for the Music” Race online at http://lunsfordfestival.com/home/fiddlin-5k/, or contact Hannah Furguiele at hfur-

guiele@mhu.edu.

Mars Hill University is a premier private, liberal arts institution offering over 30 baccalaureate degrees and one graduate degree in elementary education. Founded in 1856 by Baptist families of the region, the campus is located just 20 minutes north of Asheville in the mountains of western North Carolina.www.mhu.edu.

April 7, 2015 • The Loafer, Page 7

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Special Guest Joan Osborne joins MerleFest 2015 Hillside Album Hour MerleFest, presented by Window World and slated for April 23-26, will host artist Joan Osborne as special guest lead vocalist for this year’s Hillside Album Hour. The Hillside Album Hour – where a revered or iconic album is performed live from start to finish – has become one of the most anticipated regular performances at the yearly festival. Festival favorite The Waybacks will be producing the Saturday afternoon event at the Hillside Stage for the eighth consecutive year and are excited about their upcoming Album Hour reunion with Osborne.

“I can’t talk about Joan without gushing a little – everyone in the band is a long-time fan,” says The Waybacks’ lead guitarist and vocalist, James Nash. “She brings so many influences to the table: deep currents of Appalachia alongside gin-soaked blues, soul, all kinds of rock. A perfect match for a mixed- up band like The Waybacks! We’ve got a little history going with collaborations at MerleFest, as well as symphonic pro-

ductions in Chattanooga and Philadelphia, and it’s such a thrill to be back on the Hillside together again.”

An annual homecoming of musicians and music fans, MerleFest will once again take place on the campus of Wilkes Community College in Wilkesboro, North Carolina. The full MerleFest 2015 lineup is viewable at www.MerleFest. org/lineup.

Widely known for her mega-hit, “One of Us,” singer/songwriter Osborne delivers soulful R&B, rock sounds and folk sounds. She has connected with a large and loyal fanbase, which grew significantly after Osborne toured as part of the 1997 edition of Sarah McLachlan’s Lilith Fair tour. Osborne also received numerous Grammy nom- Joan Osborne with James Nash at Hillside Album Hour in 2011. inations in both 1996 and 1997. She Trigger Hippy released its self- Rolling Stones’ “Sticky Fingers;” is currently a member of Trigger titled debut album in September.

The Beatles’ “Abbey Road;” “Eat As is the tradition for the Hill- A Peach” by The Allman Brothers Hippy, composed of Black Crowes drummer Steve Gorman, session side Album Hour, the album being Band; “Are You Experienced” by guitarist Tom Bukovac, singer performed is a closely guarded Jimi Hendrix; “Before the Flood,” Joan Osborne, singer/songwriter secret until the show begins. Over the classic 1974 live double album and Black Crowes guitarist Jackie the years, the HAH has showcased from Bob Dylan and The Band; Greene and bassist Nick Govrik. the albums “Led Zeppelin II;” The and Crosby, Stills, Nash & Young’s

landmark 1970 album “Déjà Vu.” Osborne was the special guest lead vocalist for HAH 2011’s “Eat A Peach” performance; The Waybacks have also recruited the tal-

Joan Osborne .......

Continued on next page

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April 7, 2015 • The Loafer, Page 9

Joan Osborne ....... Continued from previous Page ents of such artists as Emmylou Harris, Elvis Costello, Susan Tedeschi, Mike Farris, Sam Bush, Rob Ickes, John Cowan, Jerry Douglas, Jim Lauderdale and many others.

The band has stated that selecting an album each year is both a fun and challenging process. In an interview last year, Michael Nash, manager of The Waybacks, who helps plan the top secret annual set, said, “Once we do decide on something, we begin to drop hints in regular intervals leading up to the show. As the years have gone by, we’ve found that we’ve had to make those harder and harder, as there are a lot of pretty sharp HAH fans out there. We love how people have taken to the adventure.”

In the coming weeks, The Waybacks will announce additional guests for the Hillside Album Hour, as well as provide clues about this year’s album. Fans can post their guesses or join the discussion at the “2015 Hillside Album Hour Guess-A-Thon” Facebook page.

Tickets for MerleFest 2015 may be purchased at www.MerleFest.

org or by calling 1-800-343-7857.

An early bird ticket discount will run through April 22, 2015, in addition to gate pricing.

MerleFest, considered one of the premier music festivals in the country, is an annual homecoming of musicians and music fans held on the campus of Wilkes Community College in Wilkesboro, North Carolina. MerleFest was founded in 1988 in memory of the son of the late American music legend Doc Watson, renowned guitarist Eddy Merle Watson. MerleFest is a celebration of “traditional plus” music, a unique mix of music based on the traditional, roots-oriented sounds of the Appalachian region, including bluegrass and old-time music, and expanded to include Americana, country, blues, rock and many other styles. The festival hosts a diverse mix of artists on its 13 stages during the course of the four-day event. The annual event has become the primary fundraiser for the WCC Endowment Corporation, funding scholarships, capital projects and other educational needs.

Singers of United Lands

to present performance at the Rogersville Playhouse

The Rogersville Arts Council is hosting for the 4th year, Singers of United Lands – a touring group of four professional singers from four different continents – on Friday, April 10 at the Rogersville Playhouse, 1924 East Main Street (Amercian Legion).

S.O.U.L.’s mission is to develop international and cultural relationships through vocal music from around the world. S.O.U.L. provides workshops, presentations, performances, and lessons for audiences of all ages during a

6-month tour throughout the USA. The singers focus on international vocal music, world history, and linguistics from their four native countries.

The 2014 S.O.U.L. Team is Gaspard Mbole from CAMEROON, Nataly Sanchez Auz from ECUADOR, Mehdi Mikaeilzadeh from IRAN and Wiki Patchsurang Pasooksa-Ngeeam from THAILAND. More details about S.O.U.L. are available at www. singersofunitedlands.org.

Admission to the performance

The Bristol Tennessee Police Department will be hosting its eighth “Prescription Drug Take-Back” event on Saturday, April 11, 2015 from 10:00 a.m. to 2:00 pm in the Municipal Parking Lot (801 Anderson Street, Bristol, Tennessee).

People are asked to bring their old, unwanted, unused or expired medications (prescription, overthe-counter and supplements) to

this secure drop-off site. This is a “no-questions-asked” event and participants will not need to produce any identification. All items will be properly disposed of by incineration by the Bristol Tennessee Police Department.

The Police Department is encouraging individuals to rid their households of unused medications that pose a safety hazard

is $5 at the door. For more information about the Rogersville Arts Council like us on Face book and check out the website www.rogartscouncil.org. To make reservations for this performance, call 423-293-0882 or email rogersvilleartscouncil@gmail.com

Prescription Drug Take-Back

and can contribute to prescription drug abuse. Additionally, proper disposal is much safer for the environment and the water supply as flushing or throwing away medication puts our waterways and aquatic life at risk.

For further information, please contact Sgt. Brian Hess at (423) 989-9382 or bhess@bristoltn.org.

Page 10, The Loafer • April 7, 2015

International Guest Artists to Perform in

Swan Lake at Eastman

Swan Lake premiered at the Bolshoi Ballet almost 150 years ago and has been performed ever since by companies around the world.

The ballet is known for its tragic story in which the love of Prince Siegfried and his Swan Queen, Odette, is imperilled by sinister forces. Set to Tchaikovsky’s lyrical, passionate score, the magic and drama of this timeless story unfolds in a memorable production.

Kingsport Ballet’s premier of Swan Lake in 2004 rendered a splendid production that was followed by a second staging in 2005.

Now ten years later, the Company features a large cast of dancers who were young children during its first staging. The ballet will blend the work of Company members with serveral professional guest artists, including principal dancer Oksana Maslova, soloist with Pennsylvania Ballet under the direction of ballet great, Angel Corella. Anton Kandaurov will be dancing Prince Siegfried. Lyvan Verdecia from the National Ballet of Cuba will be joining the Kingsport Ballet cast for the first time this year as well as Kazuki Yagi, soloist with Columbia Classical Ballet. Zoltan Boros, also with Columbia Classical, will be returning to perform in the Spanish dance, with Kingsport Ballet company members.

Many nationalities are represented in this stellar cast: Mr.

Kandaurov and Ms. Maslova are both from Russia, Mr. Verdecia is from Cuba, Mr. Yagi is from Japan, and Mr. Boros is from Hungary.

Kingsport Ballet’s own Vadim Burciu, originally from Moldova, will perform the evil sorcerer Von Rothbart. Mr. Burciu joined the teaching staff in 2014 and as such is also a performer and rehearsal asssistant to the director.

Artistic Director Valeria Sinyavskaya is proud to once again stage this ballet favorite in Kingsport.

“This is one of my favorite ballets

composed by Tchaikovsky,” she says, “and it gives me great pleasure to be able to stage it at Eastman Auditorium, where audiences from throughout East Tennessee may see it without having to travel to a big city.” Stage costumes for this ballet were designed and constructed by local artists and seamstresses, while professional tutus were commissioned by Kingsport Ballet from the Kirov Ballet costumers in Russia over 12 years ago. They have since been restored for this production.

The school outreach performance, open to school groups and homeschooled children free of charge, will take place on Friday, April 10th at 10am. Public performances are Saturday, April 11th at 7pm and Sunday, April 12th at 2:30pm at Eastman Auditorium.

Tickets may be purchased through the Kingsport Ballet box office: 423-378-3967 or through their website: www.kingsportballet.org or Facebook: http://www. facebook.com/kingsportballet..

Ticket prices are $20 for adult, $16 for students and seniors, $10 for college students and children 5 years and under. Special promotional rates are offered to Eastman employees. Call for more information.

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April 7, 2015 • The Loafer, Page 11

Public Radio Station WETS-FM 89.5 Asks Listeners For Support

Earlier this month, a budget committee in the U.S. House of Representatives proposed to eliminate funding for the Corporation for Public Broadcasting. How would such a cut affect our local public radio service?

CPB provides support for public radio stations like Johnson City’s WETS-FM/HD (89.5 MHz), serving northeast Tennessee, southwest Virginia, and western North Carolina from the campus of East Tennessee State University. According to WETS-FM/ HD station manager Wayne Winkler, elimination of federal funding would have a serious negative effect on public radio and television nationwide, but would not directly affect his own station to any great extent in the short term.

“Only about eight percent of our budget comes from the federal government,” Winkler says. “More than half of our operating budget is provided by listeners.”

WETS will hold its spring on-air fundraising campaign Wednesday, April 8th, through Friday, April 17th. Listeners will be asked to call the station with contributions, or to contribute online.

The station’s phone number is (888) 8959387. Online contributions can be made at www.wets.org.

Since 1974, WETS has provided non-commercial radio programming to approximately 50,000 regular listeners within a 100-mile radius of Johnson City. Contributions from listeners has allowed the station to grow, to create local programming, and – since 2011

– create two music-only HD radio services, heard with HD radio receivers or online.

“We don’t have commercials, and listeners cover the cost of the programs we offer,” Winkler says. Twice yearly, Winkler and his staff, like most public broadcasters, go on the air to solicit financial support from listeners.

The cost of the most popular programs, provided by sources including National Public Radio, Public Radio International, the BBC, and others, increases every year.

For example, the award-winning Morning Edition cost WETS more than $67,000 for the current fiscal year. All Things Considered – nearly $38,000. Car Talk cost almost $15,000, Here and Now more than $12,000, and The Diane Rehm Show more than $8,700.

“This summer, NPR and the other program producers will send us contract renewals for the new fiscal year which begins on October 1st,” according to Winkler. “What we raise during the current state fiscal year (which ends June 30th) is what we will be able to spend on programming. So this spring fundraiser is our last chance to build the budget we will be using next fiscal year.”

In addition, the station is seeking volunteers to answer telephones and take pledges during the fundraiser. “We need people from 7:00 a.m. to 7:00 p.m. on weeknights,” says Tina Pasquale, special events coordinator for WETS. “We also need people from 9:00 a.m. to 9 p.m. on Saturday, April 11th, and from 10:00 a.m. to 9:00 p.m. on Sunday, April 12th.

We provide meals and snacks, and we also have T-shirts, coffee mugs, and CDs for our volunteers.”

Volunteers are asked to call (888) 895-9387, or email wets@etsu.edu to sign up.

“Public radio is a cooperative effort,” Winkler says. “With the support of our listeners, we can continue to provide a topquality non-commercial radio service to our community, whatever decisions are made in Washington, D.C. Without that support, public radio can’t exist.”

Page 12, The Loafer • April 7, 2015

Billy Crawford Band faces off with the young guns of blues Northeast State will host a blues showdown April 10 at 7 p.m. when the Billy Crawford Band takes on four of the region’s hottest young guitar slingers.

Band leader Billy Crawford promises an epic night of playing as he goes toe-to-toe with up and coming challengers Chelsea Constable, Ryan Kendrick, Jake Quillin, and Phil Suppi. The young guns possess phenomenal skills that will push the veteran bluesman to his limit.

The Billy Crawford Band is a regional favorite with a repertoire that reflects wide-ranging interests and influences of the blues, ballads, rock, surf, and even New Orleans-style tunes.

Crawford lists rock guitar greats such as Randy Rhoads, Ritchie Blackmore, and Gary Moore as inspirations, but Elvis Presley, B.B. King, and Stevie Ray Vaughn reign supreme. He has notched three decades of blues music and for much

of the 1990s, audiences around the world heard Crawford’s intense work with blues-rocker Deborah Coleman.

Crawford gave up the road in 2002, but he still rocks regionally with a group that consists of singer/guitarist Rex Boggs, sax man Jay Corder, bassist Robert McClain, drummer Keith Chinault, and on occasion, Hammond B3 player Jacob Tipton.

Of the young guns, Constable may be the best known. She’s played at a number of regional and national venues and once shared the stage with the legendary Les Paul. Endorsed by Taylor Guitars, she is currently putting finishing touches on her debut CD. Among her influences are James Burton, Tommy Emmanuel, Chet Atkins, Jerry Reed, Danny Gatton, and Django Reinhardt.

Kendrick plays in the local blues rock band Blue Stone, which favors classic rock and roll and

gritty blues favorites. Kendrick, a protégé of Crawford, often joins the band on stage in a featured jam.

Suppi plays in the power trio of Jones, Rasnake, and Suppi. Comfortable with anything ranging from Black Sabbath to Jimi Hendrix to the Georgia Satellites, the band’s bio promises good times and lots of tasty vintage tones.

Quillin leads Jake and Comet Conductors, a band that prides itself on interpretations of rock, blues, and soul music classic as well as quality original songs. The band was a winner at the 2014 Piedmont Blues Preservation Society’s Blues Challenge and appeared recently at the 2015 Grove Wine & Song Concert Series in Gibsonville, N.C. The concert will be staged in the 500-seat Wellmont Regional Center for the Performing Arts on the Blountville campus, 2425 Highway 75, adjacent to the Tri-Cities Regional Airport.

Doors open at 6:30 p.m. For more information, contact 423.279.7669 or jpkelly@northeaststate.edu.

Get a deal, help a student at The Scholars Attic Sale

Get some great deals and help support students at The Scholars’ Attic Sale sponsored by the Northeast State Community College Scholars Foundation.

The Scholars’ Attic sale is scheduled Thursday, April 9, from 9 a.m. until 6 p.m. and Friday, April 10, from 9 a.m. until 2:30 p.m. The sale is being held in the Faculty/Staff Dining Room, A110 of the Student Services Building on the College’s Blountville campus, next to TriCities Regional Airport. The sale is open to the public.

Shoppers can delve through an eclectic set of items including adult and children’s clothing, household items, small appliances, books, DVDs, and toys.

All proceeds benefit scholarships for students administered by the Northeast State Foundation.

All purchases must be made by either cash or check. Items must be picked up and removed from campus at the time of sale.

For more information, contact the office of Scholarship Programs 423.279.7637 or scholarships@ NortheastState.edu.

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Music On The Lawn Returns To Abingdon Free Sunday concerts begin April 12th

The front lawn of The Martha will once again be filled with music this spring, with the third annual Music on the Lawn series.

The free concerts are presented

by Abingdon Music Experience, and take place every Sunday afternoon, rain or shine, from April 12 through May 17th. All performances are free and open to the public.

The 2015 line-up features a mix of swing, bluegrass, jazz and oldtime music from the TriCities and Roanoke. The Blue Ridge Trio, Jazz Doctors, Le Hotclub de BigLick, Rootstone Jug Band, Rose Sisters, and the ETSU String Band will perform. For a full listing of dates, visit www.abingdonmusicexperience.com Music on the Lawn is a familyfriendly event that is open to all.

The concerts are free, and guests are encouraged to bring a picnic, or pick up a boxed lunch from The Martha or another Abingdon restaurant, and enjoy it during the show. In case of rain, concerts will

be held inside The Martha at The Backstage. Free parking is available at The Martha.

Music on the Lawn is now in its third year. The series was created

by Abingdon Music Experience, which presents music throughout the year, from the January Jams at Barter Theatre, to the summer Thursday Jams series, held at the Market Pavilion in Abingdon.

The Martha Washington Inn & Spa is a four-star historic inn located at 150 West Main Street in downtown Abingdon.

Admission is free for the concert series. For more information visit visit www.abingdonmusicexperience.com or contact Special Events Coordinator Sara Saavedra Cardinale at (276) 676-2282 orscardinale@abingdon-va.gov

April 7, 2015 • The Loafer, Page 13

Free Concert at Heartwood in Abingdon

The Virginia Highlands Community College Old Time String Band class will be playing a free concert on April 9th at 7:15 at Heartwood in Abingdon.

The group will be following the Albert Hash Memorial Band that will play at 6:30. The concert is

free and open to the public. The string band class has folks from 17-80 years old in it and is open to everyone to join. The class meets once a week each spring semester and learns a variety of American old time music. For more information, emailmmunsey@vhcc.edu

Page 14, The Loafer • April 7, 2015

Tipton-Haynes State Historic Site

Celebrates 1865 with “Brownlow’s War” You are invited to Tipton-Haynes as the site presents a Civil War reenactment on April 11 and 12. The site and camps will be open from 9am till 4pm. A small battle will take place at 2pm on both Saturday and Sunday. Activities will focus on the spring months of 1865 as Confederate armies surrendered throughout the South. Throughout Tennessee, many Confederate soldiers returning home from the war were arrested and taken to Nashville under orders of newly elected Unionist Governor William Brownlow. Nathaniel Harris, Jonesborough native and the nephew of Landon Carter Haynes, was one former Confederate soldier hunted and arrested by Union soldiers.

There will be plenty of fun and interesting things to see and do for every one of all ages. Before the battle, visit the camps of Confederate and Union soldiers. Learn how soldiers would have lived during the war. Join us in the historic home of the Haynes family and enjoy guided tours and play period games. Discover tools from a nineteenth century style workshop. Watch as a woodworker makes Civil War era projects, such as a hardtack box.

Come out and smell and taste period food cooked over an open hearth. Period food from the Civil War will be on display for visitors to taste. Also, discover the rich history of Tipton-Haynes as you examine the site’s eleven historic structures. Explore the cave and feel it’s cool air on a warm spring day. Want to relax, then stroll along the site’s quarter mile nature trail.

Admission for the “Brownlow’s War” a Civil War reenactment is $5 for adults and $2 for children 12 and under. A two day pass is $8 for adults and $3 for children 12 and under. Members are free. For more information call 423-926-3631 or email tiptonhaynes@embarqmail. com. Tipton-Haynes State Historic Site is located at 2620 South Roan Street in Johnson City. So come and enjoy the day on April 11 or 12 or both as we celebrate the year’s first of two events for the last year of the Civil War Sesquicentennial.

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April 7, 2015 • The Loafer, Page 15

Doe River Gorge Offers Wilderness and Remote First Aid Course

Ever wonder what you would do if you found yourself in an emergency situation with help unavailable? Doe River Gorge as a licensed provider of the American Red Cross Wilderness and Remote First Aid course is helping to provide participants the skills they would need to help someone in distress until professional help could arrive.

The course is based on the Boy Scouts of America Wilderness First Aid Curriculum and Doctrine Guidelines and offers enhanced content and topics to meet OSHA’s Best Practices for Workplace First Aid Train-

ing Programs. Topics that will be addressed include: • Primary and secondary assessments • Head (brain), neck and spinal injuries • Heat-related emergencies and hypothermia • Altitude-related illnesses • Allergies and Anaphylaxis • Bone and joint injuries and burns • Wounds and wound infection The first course will be offered April 14-15 from 8 a.m.-5 p.m. both days while the second course will be available May 11-12, also from 8 a.m.- 5 p.m. both days.

The cost of the course is $150 per person, which includes lunch on both days. Participants who wish to also have dinner the first night and breakfast the second morning can do so for an added $17. Lodging is available for up to three nights per person at $29 a night. A discount is being offered for emergency and medical personnel, please call for a promo code for registration.

For more information, or to register visit http://www.doerivergorge.com/wrfa/.

ETSU teaming up with Men’s Health Network to

‘Save the Doodads’

Effort to raise awareness about testicular cancer

April marks Testicular Cancer Awareness Month and East Tennessee State University’s College of Public Health is teaming up with the Men’s Health Network to raise awareness of the disease as well as the importance of self-examinations.

The unique campaign, called “Save the Doodads,” is a signature campaign of the Men’s Health Network to help bring attention to a serious disease in a fun, lighthearted way, according to Mike Leventhal, executive director of the Tennessee Men’s Health Network.

“Our entire organization is excited about launching Save the Doodads with leaders in ETSU’s College of Public Health and the potential that the campaign has to help educate young men about testicular cancer and other specific men’s health conditions,” Leventhal said.

Save the Doodads has its own website, www.savethedoodads.org, which features a variety of online resources including instructions on how to properly conduct a testicular self-exam, facts regarding the disease and other useful links to learn more about the specific health needs of men and boys.

“I was pleased to learn about the Men’s

Health Network’s Save the Doodads project and excited about the opportunity to help educate ETSU’s campus community about testicular cancer,” said Tyler Carpenter, project coordinator. “Save the Doodads has the right approach to reaching out to the younger generation, especially males between the ages of 15-35, a demographic that has the highest risk of developing testicular cancer.”

Throughout April, Save the Doodads will be participating in a variety of campuswide activities. In addition, representatives from Save the Doodads will be speaking to campus organizations and groups to raise awareness of testicular cancer and advocate for an ongoing testicular cancer outreach effort.

For more information on planned events and ways to support the project, visit www. savethedoodads.org or contact Leventhal at 865-406-0129.

Page 16, The Loafer • April 7, 2015

TUESDAY - April 7

SUNDOWN BAND

JASON LLOYD & FRIENDS

KIDS OUR AGE

at Biggie’s Clam Bar

ALLIE AIKEN

at Acoustic Coffeehouse

WEDNESDAY - April 8 OPEN MIC

at The Willow Tree Coffeehouse & Music Room

CHELSEA SADDLER COBSY GIBSON & TOM STAUDLE RENEE AROZQUETA w/ MAGPIE THIEF at Acoustic Coffeehouse

THURSDAY - April 9 JAZZ

at State Line Bar & Grill

7pm at Friends of Kgt. Senior Center

BELOW 7

at Biggie’s Clam Bar

at Bone Fire Smokehouse

INFINITE SOUL

SOUTHERN COUNTRYMEN BAND (Country)

at The Outdoorsman

THE FUGITIVES

at Country Club Bar & Grill

NIGHTSHIFT

(Country, Southern Rock, Oldies) 8:30pm at Abingdon Moose Lodge

SATURDAY - April 11 BART WALKER at Biggie’s Clam Bar

ACOUSTIFRIED

at Bone Fire Smokehouse

at Carter Family Fold

MOUNTAIN MUSIC AMBASSADORS

DAISI RAIN (Country, Pop)

at The Acoustic Coffeehouse

at ETSU Buctainment Music & Arts Festival

FRIDAY - April 10

7pm at David Thompson’s Produce

THE WORLD OF WENDEL WERNER / JOE CAT At Acoustic Coffeehouse

SOUTHERN REBELLION at One Stop Truck Care Truck Show

SETH THOMAS BAND

DENNIS COVE BAND SOUTHERN SOUND

(Classic Country & Southern Rock) 8pm at 11E Sports Bar

SUNDOWN BAND at Willoughby Ruritan

SOUL COLLISION

7pm at Sonny’s Marina & Cafe

(Rock) 10pm at O’Mainnin’s Bar & Grill

at Bone Fire Smokehouse

at Country Club Bar & Grill

TBA

SHOOTER

(Country, Classic Rock, Oldies) 6pm at Little Mart

SOUTHERN COUNTRYMEN BAND (Country)

8pm at Kingsport Moose Lodge

at Wellington’s - Carnegie Hotel

SYLVIA NOVAK NORTHEAST CORNERS

(Country, Southern Rock, Oldies) 7pm at The Show Palace

9pm at Just One More Bar

(Country) 7pm at Sonny’s Marina & Cafe

JAMEN DENTON & DERRICK BOARDWINE

NIGHTSHIFT

WYLDE HEART SHOOTER

(Country, Classic Rock, Oldies) 8pm at Stone Drive Eagles

JOHN PAFFORD BAND ETHEN MARTIN STERLING STRINGS at Acoustic Coffeehouse

SUNDAY - April 12 MARK LARKINS

1pm at Sonny’s Marina & Cafe

RED LEG HUSKY at Bone Fire Smokehouse

MEGAN SWINDLER MUSIC JORDAN-MORGAN LANDSDOWNS at Acoustic Coffeehouse

MONDAY - April 13 IVAN HICKS

at Bristol’s Pickin’ Porch

OPEN MIC

at Acoustic Coffeehouse

Spotlight Directory 11 E Sports Bar 5580 Blue Springs Prkwy Greenville 423/ 525-1292 Abingdon Moose Lodge 15605 Porterfield Hwy Abgindon VA 276/628-2756 Acoustic Coffeehouse 415 W Walnut St. Johnson City 423/434.9872 Biggies Clam Bar 417 W Stone Dr Kingsport 423/765-9633 Bone Fire Smokehouse at the Hardware 260 W Main St Abingdon Va 276/623-0037

Bristol’s Pickin’ Porch 620 State St Bristol 423/573-2262 Carter Family Fold 3449 A. P. Carter Hwy Hiltons Va 276/594-0676 Country Club Bar & Grill 3080 W State St Bristol 423/844-0400 David Thompson’s Produce 251 Highway 107 Jonesborough 423/913-8123 Elizabethton Moose Lodge 288 Lovers Lane Elizabethton 423/542-5454 Friends of Kgt Senior Center 1200 E Center St Kingsport Holiday Inn (Exit 7) 3005 Linden Dr Bristol Va Just One More Bar AJ Hwy Mosheim Little Mart Central Community The Old School House Saltville VA O’Mainnin’s Pub 712 State St Bristol 423/844-0049 The Outdoorsman 4535 Highway 11W Kingsport Renaissance Center 1200 E Center St Kingsport 423/392-8415 Show Palace 14364 Lee Hwy Bristol Va 276/494-6610 Sonny’s Marina & Café 109 One St. Gray TN 423/283-4014 State Line Bar & Grill 644 State Street Bristol 423/652-0792 Stone Drive Eagles 926 E Stone Dr Kingsport 423/2456-6148 Wellington’s Restaurant Carnegie Hotel 1216 W State of Franklin Rd Johnson City 423/979-6400 Willoughby Ruritan 5145 Marvin Rd Bulls Gap Va The Willow Tree Coffeehouse & Music Room 216 E Main St Johnson City

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Alison Brown at The Down Home on April 11th

Alison Brown has taken an unlikely path in establishing herself as one of the most critically acclaimed banjoists in the world. A former investment banker (she has a bachelor’s degree in History and Literature from Harvard and an MBA from UCLA), she toured with Alison Krauss and Union Station and Michelle Shocked before forming her own group, The Alison Brown Quartet. She has recorded 10 critically-acclaimed solo albums, received 4 Grammy nominations, a Grammy award and the Banjo Player of the Year award from the International Bluegrass Music Association.

Joining Alison will be rising fiddle master Christian Sedelmyer, East Tennessee native Bryon Larrance on drums, Joe Davidian on piano, and Compass Records co-founder, Garry West, on bass. The quintet will feature fan favorites from Alison’s catalog as well as preview new music from her forth-coming album The Song of the Banjo, due for release in August of this year. Advance tickets can be purchased Wednesday through Saturday at The Down Home after 6pm. The Down Home, located at 300 W. Main St., Johnson City. (423)929-9829.

Wylde Heart

Saturday, April 11 - Country Club Bar & Grill

April 7, 2015 • The Loafer, Page 17

Page 18, The Loafer • April 7, 2015

Raymond McLain & the Morehead State Mountain Music Ambassadors at Carter Family Fold

Saturday, April 11th, 2015, at 7:30 p.m. the Carter Family Fold in Hiltons, Virginia, will present a concert of bluegrass music by Raymond McLain and the Morehead State Mountain Music Ambassadors. Admission to the concert is $10 for adults, $1 for children 6 to 11, under age 6 free.

Raymond McLain has been performing at Carter Family shows since Janette Carter first began presenting concerts in the old A.P. Carter Grocery in 1974 – first with his family, the McLain Family Band – and later with ETSU when he was head of the ETSU Bluegrass, Old Time, and Country Music program. Raymond is currently the Director of the Kentucky Center for Traditional Music at Morehead State University. He also performs, produces, and records. Raymond serves on the Carter Music Center’s board of directors in addition to serving as the Artistic Director at the Fold. Raymond’s father served on

the Music Center’s board from the time it was created in 1979. When his father died, Raymond agreed to occupy the board seat his dad once held. The long and loving friendship between the McLain and Carter families dates back nearly 40 years to the early 1970s.

Raymond’s 40 plus years of entertaining have taken him to performances in all 50 states and 62 foreign countries, including a tour as a musical ambassador of the U.S. State Department. For 21 years with the McLain Family Band, Raymond performed at hundreds of thousands of festivals and concerts internationally and as a soloist in appearances with over 230 orchestras. Raymond was with Jim & Jesse’s Virginia Boys for ten years. He currently performs with Canadian harmonica whiz, Mike Stevens. Through the years, the McLains have produced dozens of CDs and records.

Raymond’s sister, Ruth McLain Smith, will be performing with

him along with other faculty members and students from the Morehead State University Traditional Music program. Kentucky, Virginia, Tennessee, and North Carolina have traditionally produced some of the finest country, bluegrass, and old time musicians in the world. Carter Music Center strives to preserve not only the music of the mountains but the traditions of the mountains as well. Come out and support the next generation of mountain musicians. There will be lots of fiddle tunes, outstanding harmony, amazing instrumentals, and lots of fun for all ages. Bring your dancing shoes, and bring along your friends for a memorable night of Appalachian music and dance. To learn more about the KY Center for Traditional Arts go to http://www.moreheadstate. edu/kctm/ on line.

Carter Family Memorial Music Center, Incorporated, is a nonprofit, rural arts organization established to preserve traditional,

acoustic, mountain music. For further information on the center, go tohttp://www.carterfamilyfold. org. Shows from the Carter Family Fold can be accessed on the internet at http://www.carterfoldshow.com. Carter Music Center is part of the Crooked Road: Virginia’s Heritage Music Trail. You can visit the Crooked Road Music Trail site at http://thecrookedroad.org.

Partial funding for programs at the center is provided by the Virginia Commission for the Arts and the National Endowment for the Arts. For recorded information on shows coming up at the Fold, call 276-386-6054. The Fold is on Facebook – page Carter Fold – and Twitter – @carterfoldinfo. To speak to a Fold staff member, call 276594-0676.

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April 7, 2015 • The Loafer, Page 19

NPAC Presents:

“Nashville on the Road” Songwriter Night “Nashville on the Road” comes to Niswonger Performing Arts Center on Saturday, April 11th at 7:30 pm with performances by hit songwriters Victoria Shaw, Gary Burr, Georgia Middleman, and Jim Photoglo.

Four of Nashville’s best songwriters come together on the NPAC stage to tell the stories behind some of country music’s top hits. Collectively, this group of talented songwriters has written over 30 number one hits plus many others.

Throughout the evening the writers will give their own renditions of their hits, such as Victoria Shaw’s “The River,” recorded by Garth Brooks; Gary Burr’s “Nobody Wants to be Lonely”, recorded by Ricky Martin and Christina Aguilera; Georgia Middleman’s “I’m In,” recorded by Keith Urban; and Jim Photoglo’s “Fishin In the Dark,” recorded by the Nitty Grit-

ty Dirt Band. This special evening is sure to provide audiences with a true Nashville experience by giving the audience an exclusive behind the scenes look at how some of their favorite songs were crafted by the writers themselves.

Gary Burr is a member of the Nashville Songwriter Hall of Fame. He has written 14 number one songs. His collaborators have included Carole King, Ringo Starr, and Desmond Child.

Jim Photoglo first hit the airwaves in 1980 as a recording artist landing high on the Pop charts with his songs “We Were Meant To Be Lovers” and “Fool in Love With You”. A short time later, he moved to Nashville and established himself as a hit songwriter with 2 number one songs.

As a songwriter, Georgia Middleman has had songs recorded

by Keith Urban, Faith Hill, Kenny Chesney, Reba McEntire, Joe Nich-

ols, Martina McBride, Sheila E., Radney Foster, Sarah Buxton, Terri Clark, Maia Sharp and many others. She is also one third of the trio, Blue Sky Riders, along with Kenny Loggins and Gary Burr.

Collectively, Victoria Shaw songs are on over 65 millions albums and have won her two EMMYS, An ACM award, a CMA triple play award, along with various others.

“Nashville on the Road” comes to Niswonger Performing Arts Center (NPAC) in historic downtown Greeneville, TN on Saturday, April 11th at 7:30 pm. Tickets are $30 for orchestra level seating, $25 for mezzanine level seating, and $20 for balcony level seating.

Tickets may be purchased online at www.npacgreeneville.com, in person at the NPAC box office, or by calling 423-638-1679.

NPAC offers online seat selection and no fee ticketing. The box

office hours are Monday through eville, TN. For venue information, Friday, 10 am until 5 pm. The 1130 and to purchase tickets, please visseat performing arts center is lo- it www.npacgreeneville.com. cated adjacent to the campus of Greeneville High School in Green-

Page 20, The Loafer • April 7, 2015

‘Poignant Guide to Life’ Ethan Hawke’s first documentary introduces ‘magical’ mentor, musician: Seymour Bernstein

Actor Ethan Hawke says, “there is something magical” about Seymour Bernstein, who he met at a dinner party. ETSU Visiting Professor Esther Park met the legendary pianist and teacher on the bench and describes him as a “gentle, generous soul” who helped her obtain her first piano and became a member of her family, as well as a mentor and teacher.

Critics have found Hawke’s new documentary on Bernstein – released March 13 – “soaring and sublime,” “deeply moving, even ecstatic” and “intimate, big-hearted.”

ETSU’s Mary B. Martin School of the Arts will present a screening of the Sundance Select film Seymour: An Introduction in Brown Hall Auditorium Friday, April 10, at 7 p.m.

Bernstein will attend the screening and lead a Q&A session following the film.

“This film is brand new and has had limited screenings, so we are excited to be one of the venues getting to show it,” says Mary B. Martin School of the Arts Director Anita DeAngelis. “Because of Mr. Bernstein’s connection with Esther Park, he will also be teaching a master class and workshop, and I hear that he is absolutely charming! We are looking forward to this unique experience with a true master of his craft.”

A veteran New Yorker, Bernstein was a child prodigy and virtuoso pianist who gave up a successful concert career to teach young musicians about their craft and about the life of an artist. This documentary film, hailed by Indiewire as a “poignant guide to life,” explores a life well-lived, as well as insightful reflections on angst, art, creativity and the search for fulfillment.

Focusing on Bernstein as he teaches students in his home and prepares for his first concert in 35 years, “There are profound lessons inside Seymour’s piano teachings that are relevant to how we approach our daily lives,” Hawke says. “His simplicity has much to offer.”

Hawke met Bernstein at a dinner hosted by a longtime student of the pianist and says he was instantly captivated. “I never set out to make a documentary,” he says.

Bernstein says he was stunned by Hawke’s interest in documenting his life. Seymour: An Introduction is also an introduction to Hawke and the life of any artist, Bernstein says. “In a sense, it is also a documentary about Ethan,” he says, “since we have probed the deepest areas of why we have devoted ourselves to our art, and how that devotion has influenced our lives.”

“The earnest, curious Hawke makes a few

appearances throughout Seymour: An Introduction, but this is Bernstein’s show …” says Ann Hornaday of The Washington Post.

“He’s utterly delightful company, whether he’s puttering around his tiny Delft-tiled kitchen, working out a particularly gnarly passage on the keyboard or quietly suggesting that a student lower his shoulders or lighten his touch.”

Bernstein began teaching piano at the age of 15 when his own piano teacher allowed him to supervise some of her younger students. He gave concerts for the soldiers on the front lines while still in his teens and brought music to a wider audience through his concerts and books, such as With Your Own Two Hands and 20 Lessons in Keyboard Choreography. At 50, he gave his farewell performance and has been dedicated to teaching and mentoring from his New York studio since.

One of the most sought-after clinicians in this country and abroad, Bernstein is also a prolific composer, with many works on the best-seller list. His compositions range from teaching material for students of all levels to sophisticated concert pieces. He continues to perform as a guest artist with chamber ensembles and is an adjunct associate profes-

Poignant .......

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Tree Giveaway,

April 7, 2015 • The Loafer, Page 21

Arbor Day observance Citizens are invited to a tree giveaway on Saturday, April 11 at Metro-Kiwanis Park, 817 Guaranda Drive. Beginning at 9 a.m., 3,600 tree seedlings will be handed out on a first-come, firstserved basis. Varieties offered will include Flowering Dogwood, Canadian/Shadblow Serviceberry, Red-Leaf Japanese Maple, Redbud, Kentucky Coffeetree, and Sugar Maple. A limited number of seedlings will be available per person. Since the spring of 2010, the City has celebrated Arbor Day by distributing a total of 17,800 trees to the public.

This Arbor Day (April 24) marks the 15th consecutive year that Johnson City has been named a Tree City USA by the National Arbor Day Foundation. To maintain the Tree City USA designation, the City must have an Arbor Day observance, a tree ordinance, a tree board, and meet the minimum funding requirements for

tree maintenance and planting.

“By participation in the Tree City USA program, Johnson City is able to highlight its commitment to green infrastructure for the benefit of citizens and visitors alike,” said City Forester Patrick Walding. “The annual recognition helps draw attention to the fact that trees and other plants are an important part of life in our community.”

Poignant ....... Continued from previous Page sor of music and music education at New York University.

ETSU’s visiting professor of piano, Park, and her sister, SunA, were among the beneficiaries of Bernstein’s wisdom, technique and generous spirit when they were children, new to New York after emigrating with their parents from Korea.

“He says, ‘‘I remember when you were still in your diaper and didn’t know a word of English,’ ” Park says. “We have known him for 15 years. He’s never once charged us for lessons. We are not the only ones he cared for. Just imagine him doing that for so many, 30 years of generous caring.

“I tell everybody, ‘There is no Esther Park without Seymour Bernstein.’ ” While at ETSU, Bernstein will work his magic with Department of Music students on Saturday, April 11, in two sessions – a master class and a seminar, both of which are open to the public and auditors.

The master class with ETSU piano students will be held in Mathes

Hall Room 107 from 10 a.m. to 12:30 a.m., while Bernstein’s “With Your Own Two Hands” seminar will run from 4-7 p.m. in Brown Hall Auditorium, focusing on preparation for performing, concentration, memorization and coping with performance anxiety.

Bernstein is known worldwide for his pedagogy, Park says, and is one of the founding fathers of incorporating choreography and anatomical awareness to prevent injuries in piano artists.

“What he said is totally embedded in me and will be passed on,” Park says, “and his legacy is not done yet. He is probably about 83, 85, but he is still as young as a 50-year-old. He is really young at heart and so energetic … I am so elated. The legend himself is coming.”

For information about the ETSU Mary B. Martin School of the Arts, call 423-439-TKTS (8587) or visit www.etsu.edu/martin.

Please “Like” ETSU Mary B. Martin School of the Arts on Facebook and follow it on Twitter and Instagram @ArtsAtETSU.

“Fiddling’ On The Greens” to benefit JCS

On April 18th at 7:00pm, the Johnson City Country Club will be the setting for bluegrass and country music, hayrides, a cake walk, an auction and surprises benefiting The Johnson City Symphony Orchestra. The featured entertainers are the ETSU Bluegrass Band; Barry Jobe, SHHS and Milligan College graduate and country entertainer with Nashville Live; Oleg Timofeev, fiddler; and The Wolfe Family Jammers performing traditional country music. Heavy hors d’oeuvres will feature a mac and cheese martini bar, pulled pork and brisket, roasted and fresh vegetables and assorted desserts. A professional photographer will permanently commemorate you in your finest western garb, if desired. Sixteen homemade cakes will be featured at the cake walk. Weather permitting, the JCCC will provide hayrides on the golf course. Tickets are $100 per person and may be purchased through the JCSO office at (423)92-MUSIC(6-8742).

Page 22, The Loafer • April 7, 2015

ISS Year-Long Mission Underway

A year-long mission by two space veterans and coming discoveries of two dwarf planets highlight recent space and astronomy news.

American Scott Kelly and Russian Mikhail Kornienko were blasted off Earth on March 27th from Kazakhstan and won’t be back until March 2016.

The nearly year-long mission is unique in that Scott Kelly’s identical twin brother, Mark Kelly, a retired astronaut, will be an earthbased comparison of biological changes in the body.

Both men are veterans: Kelly, age 51, on four spaceflights including commander of the ISS in 2010, and Kornienko, age 54, on two ISS Expedition crews. And third member of the Soyuz TMA-16M spaceship, Gennady Padalka, is also a space veteran of four missions. When Padalka returns to Earth in September 2015 he will have spent more time in space than any one in history—almost 900 days accumulated. They will be joined in May with three other members of the Expedition 43 crew, maximizing the resources aboard the $40 billion orbiting laboratory that has been occupied for 12 years.

Long duration spaceflights are something a Russian expertise as they have 11 of the top 12 longest missions by their cosmonauts.

Topping the list is the 438 days spent by Valeri Polyakov aboard the space station Mir in 194-95.

The longest American in space is Michael Lopez-Alegria on the ISS in 2007.

The rotation of the six ISS Expedition crew members is in two launches of the three-man Soyuz

a month or so apart. The Expeditions overlap with only three astronauts manning the ISS for a few weeks at a time. The stay aboard ISS ranges from four to six months at a time.

The Space Shuttle missions were typically 10-14 days long, while the Apollo missions to the Moon were also under two weeks in length. America started explor-

ing the effects on the human body with three Skylab missions that lasted 28, 54 and 84 days in length in the 1970s gathered important data on three astronauts at a time.

But it was the Soviets who pioneered many of the survival systems on space stations and experienced the affects of long duration space flights on the human body. After losing the Moon Race

of the 1960s, the Soviets turned to space stations, and had a series of successes and failures with their Salyut orbiting habitats in the 1970s and ‘80s. Their knowledge all came together with the highly successful Mir Space Station in the 1990s, which included dockings with America’s Space Shuttle and the lengthy stays of seven US astronauts.

Understanding the effects on the human body by long periods in outer space is a must for any future mission to asteroids and Mars. A quick trip to Mars and back could last 500 days, a 200 million mile journey.

Man’s 50 years of space travel has given us some solid information about how the human body reacts in the weightless environment that also has dangerous radiation and cosmic rays.

Without gravity, the heart doesn’t have to work as hard.

That means the extremities of our hands and feet don’t get the same blood flow as on Earth, and can feel colder. Wearing sox on the feet without shoes is a standard dress code on the ISS. Also without gravity, the human spine is allowed to stretch out and astronauts actually get an inch or so taller. When they return to Earth, back aches are common as the spine compresses back under gravity.

And there are dozens of minor changes and concern on the macro biological level with differences in how our vital human immune, neurological and vascular systems work.

Muscles lose their mass and therefore strength; bones seem to lose calcium and become brittle; electrolytes in the body don’t process the same; and the sense of taste is diminished to the point that hot sauce and seasonings are among the most requested pantry items.

To combat the deteriorating bones and muscle loss, ISS occupants spend a full two hours each day exercising on machinery and take several dietary supplements.

And a half-hour a day is spent taking typical medical data on blood pressure, heart rate, etc.

One strange occurrence in space first detected by the Apollo Moon voyagers are light streaks in our eyeballs caused by cosmic rays.

Looking like tiny meteors in our vision, the cosmic rays are blocked

by Earth’s atmosphere, but stream through the Universe from the violent explosions of stars. Whether it’s harmful or not is still one of the unknowns.

Another luxury of living on the surface of Earth under the comfort of our atmospheric blanket: harmful radiation from the Sun might tan our skin, but won’t fry our insides. That is one huge problem on the Moon and Mars—there isn’t a thick enough atmosphere to stop the solar stream of radioactive particles that will harm humans— as well as unprotected electronics.

The hull of the ISS is insulated from some radiation exposure, and there are certain areas of the orbiting structure that are designed as “safe havens” from potentially deadly solar flare radiation. Spacewalkers also have special insulation to deter any radiation effects.

But all the dangers of living in outer space are still not well understood, and long duration missions are needed to pave the way for a safe flight to and from the planet Mars—an eventual goal of space faring nations.

The Apollo missions to the Moon gave experience on how to make space suits that can keep a person alive while allowing movement to work in often physically laborious tasks. But those first forays on an alien world were built upon the systematic steps into outer space by first the one-man Mercury spacecraft, and then the two-man Gemini.

And it is the unknowns of how the body reacts to outer space during periods of years that is the hurdle to humans spreading out to the Moon, asteroids and Mars. We know how to make the machinery to stay alive. But what is the long term effect in years on the delicate balance of organs and systems in the complex human body? And then there are the psychological effects of being cooped up with other people in a space smaller than the average apartment, looking out portholes at the near vacuum of outer space and instant death.

Man’s knowledge of living in space has come a long way in the first half-century of the Space Age. When John Glenn orbited Earth in 1962 it wasn’t known if a man

Stargazer .......

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April 7, 2015 • The Loafer, Page 23

Celestial events in the skies for the week of Apr. 7 - Apr. 13, 2015 as compiled for The Loafer by Mark D. Marquette.

The Moon moves into the aftermidnight scene, reaching Last or Third Quarter on Saturday. The night sky is changing rapidly with the Winter constellations making a swan song in the west and the early Summer star patterns crowding the eastern horizon. The two brightest planets shine, Venus in the west and Jupiter high overhead in the east.

Tues. April 7

Leo the Lion rises high in the east, its stars very easy to find: the head and mane are a backward question mark dotted by bright, yellow star Regulus; and hindquarters are a right triangle of three equally bright stars. Ahead of Leo is the bright, yellow planet Jupiter.

Wed. April 8

Darkness keeps getting later and later, and that’s a joy for gardeners, sports buffs and park lovers. But it’s just longer to wait for the stars to come out! When it’s good and dark just before 9 pm, the familiar winter constellations like Orion are directly south and ready to disappear in the west.

Thurs. April 9

Venus is really high in the western sky when the violets of twilight take hold, but as the night progresses it can really look wild close to the horizon. The bright white light refracts wildly in the dense atmosphere close to the horizon, looking like a landing airplane light or even a UFO!

Fri. April 10

Looking north and you’ll see the most recognized star pattern of all—the Big Dipper. These seven stars are actually the hindquarters of a much bigger constellation, Ursa Major the Big Bear. Looking this direction is to look away and outside our Galaxy into the depths of our Universe and untold millions of other galaxies. The handle of the Big Dipper will “arc” you to the bright, orange star, Arcturus in Bootes. Continue that curve and you’ll run by Spica, brightest star in Virgo.

Photo of Last Quarter Moon by MarQ

Sat. April 11

Stargaze at Bays Mt. Park in Kingsport with amateur astronomers as your guide at “StarWatch.”

Beginning before dark at 8 pm, the stargazing lasts until 10 pm and is free to the public. The Last Quarter Moon will rise after the StarWatch, but planets Venus and Jupiter as well as many nebula and galaxies will be visible.

Sun. April 12

On this 1961 date in space history, Yuri Gagarin was rocketed into Earth orbit, the first human in space. Around the world, space advocates celebrate “Yuri’s Night” as the 54th anniversary is observed. Gagarin, possibly bound for a Soviet voyage to the Moon, died in a jet crash while training in 1968 and is immortalized in the Russian culture.

Mon. April 13

Jupiter is something to behold in a telescope, and it will be around

though the Summer. Even a pair of binoculars held steady will give a hint of the giant gas planet’s globe.

The tiny stars seen on either side are its four moons discovered by Galileo in a telescope with power less than many binoculars.

Page 24, The Loafer • April 7, 2015

Celebration of Life The Man behind the Music.

John Mark Glaze, Nov. 13th, 1959 Feb. 23rd, 2015. Mark the founder of Mountain Man Music and Big Mark’s Blades and Blacksmith, went home to be with his Lord and Personal Savior, Jesus Christ unexpectedly at the age of 55 years.

He was best known to his friend’s as Big Mark (a.k.a. The Pumpkin Man). He was a multi-talented individual, not only did he pick the guitar, he was a master with the mandolin, banjo and fiddle.

A celebration of life will be held on Sunday April 12th, 2015 in the Boone’s Creek Christian Church at 300pm. A special appearance by Bluegrass entertainer of the year Rhonda Vincent with special guest Tim White will be a part of this celebration.

Mark was a certified Blacksmith creating and commissioning many knives of his own design. His skills were featured in several different publications. He also held a degree in Martial Arts. Mark be-

longed to numerous organizations and traveled extensively in the Bluegrass music circle. Mark became friends at an early age with Jim and Jesse McReynolds, who use to come to his parents home in Boone’s Creek on Sunday for lunch and a afternoon of Bluegrass pickin’.

Mark was featured in Martin Guitar magazine, when he met the Martin family at a Bluegrass show in New York. In the music business Mark was best known and most proud to have met and performed with Rhonda Vincent and The Rage on several Bluegrass cruises and other pickin’ events. Friend’s with Rhonda’s fiddle player Hunter Berry, who lives in the Elizabethton area, Mark fine tuned his skills as a picker. Later in life Mark became friends with Vince Gill, Willie Nelson, Marty Stuart, Tim White, George Jones, Pop Corn Sutton and many others in the music and entertainment business. He joined

the local Stagehand Union #699 and worked many music events in the Tri-cities area. As a member of local #699 he became interested in movies and had the opportunity to work on several Hollywood productions to include “The River”, “Coalminer’s Daughter”, “Little Miss Liberty”(in which the fire scene was filmed in his partents barn on Carroll Creek Road in the Boone’s Creek community), “Christy”, Delta Force One”, Delta Force Two”, and more. Admission to the celebration of life is free, with a donation suggested at the door. Proceeds will be donated to one of Mark’s favorite charity’s.

Seating is limited to 600 and will be on a first come first serve basis.

Doors will open at 2:00pm. More details will follow as they become available. For information concerning this celebration you can contact Bo Bowman via e-maill at tbbdkb@embarqmail.com or by texting/calling 423-262-6136.

Hope to see you there.

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April 7, 2015 • The Loafer, Page 25

Cognitive Behavioral Therapy

Question: My 8 year old daughter has recurring, disabling headaches. She has been to the pediatrician, who has done several tests and found nothing abnormal on her exam. He calls them migraines and is recommending Cognitive Behavioral Therapy, among other things. What is that?

Dr. Jeff: Recurring headaches in children OR adults are often diagnosed as migraines. Contrary to popular belief, the diagnosis does not hinge on the severity, or even existence, of pain, but that is for another discussion. Recurring headaches in children are often misdiagnosed, undiagnosed and undertreated.

CBT (Cognitive Behavioral

Therapy) is preceded by a thorough evaluation by a psychologist, who then helps identify the negative/inaccurate, destructive ways a person has of thinking/coping with his/her ailment, issue or situation, and then trains him/her to adopt a more accurate view of that issue. As the patient’s perception of the destructive/negative situation becomes more realistic, this then leads to a more positive attitude and adaptive behavior and ultimately reduces the stress the patient feels towards the issue or perhaps even reduce the severity and ‘disability’ of the headache, in this instance. Fear and uncertainty often play a major role in pain issues.

CBT focuses on a specific problem that is interfering with his/ her life, and may involve a limited number of sessions, or more extensive, depending on the issue and patient involved. Computer assisted techniques are even occasionally used.

A recent article in JAMA describes a trial of using CBT along with amitriptyline (a common older antidepressant used often alone for migraines or chronic pain) as being superior to that of standard psychotherapy or amitriptyline alone.

Ref: JAMA, vol. 310, no.34, pp. 262230; Wikipedia, Mayoclinic.org., Gary Wishart, PsyD.

Dr. Jeff is a native rural New Yorker, obtained his B.S. in chemistry at Union College in Schenectady, N. Y., and M.D. at MCV in Richmond. He met his future, and eternal, wife, Becky, at the ETSU Family Medicine Clinic in Bristol and they have been a Bristol fixture since 1981; Dr. Jeff retired in 2014. His two daughters, Katie and Hilary, are the other magnificent parts of his life.

ETSU to host 5K to raise money,

awareness of most fatal genetic disorder among children East Tennessee State University’s Pre-Health Living-Learning Community will host a 5K run and 1-mile fun walk on Saturday, April 11.

The event will raise money for Duchenne Muscular Dystrophy, an inherited disorder involving muscle weakness that quickly worsens. It is the most fatal genetic disorder among children.

Dubbed “Garrett’s Hero Run,” the 5K is being hosted in honor of a young, superhero-adoring boy named Garrett who has Duchenne Muscular Dystrophy. He and his family will be at the race, which is why participants are encouraged

to come dressed in their best superhero costume.

The race will begin at 10 a.m. at the quad on the ETSU main campus and is a certified course. Registration begins at 9 a.m. Awards will be given for the top overall male and female runner as well as the top male and female from each age group.

The event will get started on Friday, April 10, from 5-8 p.m. at Barnes & Noble where already registered runners are invited to pick up their gear. For more information or to register, visit www. parentprojectmd.org/ETSU.

Page 26, The Loafer • April 7, 2015

Arts Array presents “Inherent Vice” The Arts Array Film Series presented by Virginia Highlands Community College is in its 44th year. All films are presented at the Abingdon Cinemall on Mondays and Tuesdays at 4 p.m. and again at 7:30 pm.

Inherent Vice (April 13 and 14) The seventh feature from Paul Thomas Anderson and the first ever film adaption of a Thomas Pynchon novel. Private eye Doc Sportello’s ex-old lady suddenly out of nowhere shows up with a story about her current billionaire land developer boyfriend whom she just happens to be in love with, and a plot by his wife and her boyfriend to kidnap that billionaire and throw him in a looney bin. With a cast of characters that includes surfers, hustlers, dopers and rockers.

The Arts Array Film Series is part of the comprehensive cultural outreach program of Virginia Highlands Community College.

The series is co-sponsored by the Abingdon Cinemall, the Southwest Virginia Higher Education Center, Emory& Henry College, and King University.

Admission to the films is free for the faculties and students at the supporting institutions. Members of the general community may attend for $7.75.

For a brochure on the series or more information, please contact Tommy Bryant at 276-739-2451 or email him at tbryant@vhcc.edu.

Stargazer ....... Continued from page 22 could breathe normally, swallow food, hear and see with clarity.

Those fears were vanquished as each mission took on new biological challenges, from nourishing the body to the natural process of eliminating urine and feces.

So far, all human systems seem “go!” for long term space travel— with lots of attention to rigorous exercise and proper diet.

There is one human biological element that seems a bit neglected in research—sex. And that is a taboo subject not talked about by

either the American or Russians, though married couples flew aboard the Space Shuttle and Russia has made claims to taken sperm counts from its cosmonauts.

As far as how humans would “mate” in the weightlessness of outer space, well that’s a subject replete with restraints and special leveraging to keep the bodies, err, connected. And an obvious topic for a future Stargazer column…

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April 7, 2015 • The Loafer, Page 27

In Theaters Now

Box Office Top 10 Home (2015)

“The Second Best Exotic Marigold Hotel” The gang from the 2012 film “The Best Exotic Marigold Hotel” has returned in the current release “The Second Best Exotic Marigold Hotel”. The British comedy-drama continues the story of Sonny Kapoor (Dev Patel), the proprietor of the Best Exotic Marigold Hotel in Jaipur, India, and those who visit/live in the hotel. The guest/ residents are as follows: Evelyn Greenslade (Judi Dench), Muriel Donnelly (Maggie Smith), Douglas Ainslie (Bill Nighly), Madge Hardcastle (Celia Imrie), Jean Ainslie (Penelope Wilton), Norman Cousins (Ronald Pickup) and Carol Parr (Diana Hardcastle). As the story begins, Sonny and Muriel are visiting San Diego, CA. in an effort to convince a hotel magnate to buy a second hotel in Jaipur to be a companion for the Marigold.

The duo are advised an inspector must be sent over to inspect both hotels. As the two return to India, several of the hotel residents have life changing events, and Sonny is preparing for his wedding to Sunaina (Tina Desae). In addition, a mysterious gentleman, Guy Chambers (Richard Gere), arrives at the hotel, and Sonny is convinced he is the inspector they have been awaiting. While no one but Sonny is convinced Guy is the hotel inspector, he nevertheless lavishes attention on the visiting gentleman, and makes sure he is provided with every convenience.

In addition to dealing with the new hotel guest, Sonny is convinced a rival is out to steal Sunaina, and ruin his wedding and plans for a second hotel. Will the wedding take place? Will Sonny get his second hotel? Will all the

from a twisted tech genius.

Oh, an alien on the run from his own people, lands on Earth Run All Night (2015) and makes friends with the Mobster and hit man Jimmy adventurous Tip, who is on a Conlon has one night to figquest of her own. ure out where his loyalties lie: with his estranged son, Mike, Get Hard (2015) whose life is in danger, or his When millionaire James King longtime best friend, mob boss is nailed for fraud and bound Shawn Maguire, who wants for San Quentin, he turns to Mike to pay for the death of his Darnell Lewis to prep him to own son. go behind bars.

Insurgent (2015)

Beatrice Prior must confront her inner demons and continue her fight against a powerful alliance which threatens to tear her society apart with the help from others on her side.

Cinderella (2015)

When her father unexpectedly passes away, young Ella finds herself at the mercy of her cruel stepmother and her daughters.

Never one to give up hope, Ella’s fortunes begin to change after meeting a dashing stranger.

It Follows (2014)

The Second Best Exotic Marigold Hotel (2015)

As the Best Exotic Marigold Hotel has only a single remaining vacancy - posing a rooming predicament for two fresh arrivals - Sonny pursues his expansionist dream of opening a second hotel.

Do You Believe? (2015)

When a pastor is shaken by the visible faith of a street-corner preacher, he is reminded that true belief always requires action. His response ignites a journey that impacts everyone it touches in ways that only God could orchestrate.

A young woman is followed The Gunman (2015) by an unknown supernatural A sniper on a mercenary assasforce after getting involved in sination team, kills the minisa sexual confrontation. ter of mines of the Congo. Terrier’s successful kill shot forces Kingsman: him into hiding. Returning to The Secret Service (2014) the Congo years later, he beA spy organization recruits an comes the target of a hit squad unrefined, but promising street himself. kid into the agency’s ultracompetitive training program, Source: imdb.com just as a global threat emerges

hotel guest meet with happy endings? Let’s just say I left the theater with a warm heart. The acting pedigree in this film is enough to scare many actors, but Patel really holds his own with the powerhouse cast.

The arrival of Gere in the film se-

able to hold my decorum, which I am sure the audience appreciated. ries only adds to the already im- The film provides plenty of laughs pressive cast, and he fits perfectly and sentiment, providing for a into his role. Being set in India, the wonderful cinema experience. If film is often a burst of color, and you viewed “The Best Exotic Mariwhen several dance scenes oc- gold Hotel” the first time around, cur at the wedding, I was ready or missed out on a reservation, I to dance in the theater, but I was suggest viewing the first film, and

then heading out to the theaters for the new film. “The Second Best Marigold Hotel” is anything but “second” best.

Rated PG

A-

Page 28, The Loafer • April 7, 2015

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April 7, 2015 • The Loafer, Page 29

Retirement Home: A Harrowing Thriller On the really bad days when I go to visit my grandmother in the nursing home, she can be so far out in left field that you really wonder where her mind has taken her.

To her the stories she tells us are as real as anything. At her worst, she can be extremely combative, at best, she just tells us these horrible things that have been going on. If I was a smarter person, I’d take that info and find a way to weave it all into a narrative, but I don’t think I could connect all the missing pieces between what she tells us is happening.

Yesterday, I found her sitting in the hall outside of her room. Directly to the right of her doorway there is an emergency exit door.

She was facing it in her wheel chair, and as I got closer and closer to her, I could see her lifting her foot to try to open the door.

I walked up to her and warmly greeted her, she shot me a look and said “I have nothing to say to you right now.” “OK....” I thought to myself, and I wheeled my grandmother back into her room.

“You wouldn’t be so happy if you’ve been through what I’ve been through” she said as I sat her into position facing her bed, which I sat on while I visited with her.

Here is where the intrigue begins, as my grandmother talks in barely a whisper. “They are feeding me nothing but spiders and squash.” she says, when I ask why she is whispering she says “They have hearing aids all over this room, I can’t speak up, they’ll know I know.” “Oh” I say, and we move on to the next topic.

“The Ricker Boys were here

again last night, they broke in through my window. It’s not been fixed yet, they just put some bars on it, but that won’t stop them. I swear one of them is still in here, check underneath my bed.” I check underneath her bed three times, and assure her that no one is there. “Must have been that big dog that scared them away, you see that dog over there? He’s meaner than a chicken.”

“Can I get you something to eat, Grandma? I’d be happy to run and get you a bite.” I tell her, after hearing the horror stories of her arachnid centered meals. “No, they won’t let you, you’ll only make it worse” is her reply. At this point I shake my head, and hate the fact that in my grandmother’s reality, this is what is truth. It’s a full time bizzaro world she lives

in constantly, or at least when her mind is particularly worse.

On the good days she lives in a world where she has inherited more money than God, and all she wants to do is tell me how to spend it since I apparently have all control over the check book.

I don’t share any of this to mock my grandmother, or anybody else who is dealing with this type of a situation. I share it because I have to, it’s a way to deal with the sad reality that the grandmother that I knew oh so well will never be the same again.

One can only hope we’ll have a lot of good days, and not so many of the bad days, but if she keeps up with this deep conspiracy, I may just take notes and sell the whole thing to HBO. See you next week.

Page 30, The Loafer • April 7, 2015

Testing For Correct Pop Lyrics When I wrote my column last month about the many reasons we should discontinue standardized testing (which has surprisingly not yet generated any hate mail from devotees of No. 2 pencils and bubbles), I didn’t realize I would be revisiting this delightful subject so soon. But I have no control over what might show up in my news feeds.

Who would have thought Taylor Swift would, in addition to crafting some very catchy and clever music (I must admit I am a big fan of her “1989” album and have been working on a jazz arrangement of “Blank Space”) would also become a commentator on the SAT? Well, that’s exactly what has happened, and I am interesting in seeing where this might take us today. So, let’s begin. Don’t worry— I won’t ask you to grab the nearest No. 2 pencil.

It seems that a recent edition of the infamous Princeton SAT test prep manual contains a section on the bad grammar of contemporary pop music. For instance, in a section titled “Grammar In Real Life,” test-takers are asked to find grammatical errors in song lyrics by artists like Katy Perry, Whitney Houston, Lady Gaga, Justin Timberlake, KeSha, and Timbaland. And, of course, Ms. Swift is in the mix as well. For instance, when Lady Gaga sings “You and me could write a bad romance,” clever test-takers should be able to immediately realize the error here is that “me” should read “I,” and when Timbaland asks “Can you handle me the way I are?” we should recoil in horror and realize that the lyric should read “the way I am.” Taylor Swift, in her song “Fifteen,” errs in singing “Somebody tells you they love you,

you got to believe ‘em,” instead of “Somebody tells you they love you, you’ve got to believe them.”

So far, so good. The only problem is that Swift does indeed say “you’ve” instead of “you” in her song, although she doesn’t change “em” into “them.” When she realized she was misquoted by the academic snobs at Princeton, she lashed out at them on her Tumblr account by saying, rather ungrammatically, “Not the right lyrics at all pssshhh. You had one job, test people. One job.”

Wish the folks at Princeton had consulted me before they prepared their pop music section. I would have provided them with some alternate examples, like Alvin and The Chipmunks creator David Seville’s 1958 grammatically incomprehensible masterpiece “The Witch Doctor.” Wonder what the SAT people would do with this mess: “Ooo eee, ooo ah ah, ting

tang walla walla bing bang”? And, what can you say about The Trashmen’s early 60s anthem to peace, love, and understanding, “Surfin Bird”? Try to find the grammatical errors in these lyrics: “A-well, everybody’s heard about the bird.

Bird, bird, bird, b-bird’s the word.”

And we might as well forget Little Richard’s “Tuitti Fruitti.” Trying to deal with that would deny you admission to the college of your choice.

I can’t leave this subject without mentioning the oft-quoted lyric from Steve Miller Band’s 1973 hit, “The Joker,” that has been the subject of many a late night party game: “Some people call me Maurice, ‘cause I speak of the pompatus of love.” And what the heck is a pompatus? According to Wikipedia, this word actually does have a history and a possible meaning. In Latin it means “done with pomp or splendor,” and it can be spelled

several different ways. There’s even a movie, “The Pompatus of Love” (1996), largely devoted to a group of friends on a quest to discern the meaning of the term.

Maybe that will appear on Princeton’s revised version of its everevolving, but never relevant test.

And what does all this mean? On one hand, I suppose you could say it represents an attempt to make the SAT appear hip and cool to the many unfortunate test-takers who have to endure this very unpleasant experience. On the other hand, however, I believe it represents yet another attack on anything

young people find appealing. Pop music has far-too-long been the focal point for those who believe today’s young people are a mindless and corrupt generation. By using ungrammatical song lyrics, this cause is furthered and what is supposed to be an “objective” test (I call it “objectionable”) is turned into a piece of propaganda, with “youth-bashing” overshadowing its stated intention of measuring the acquisition of knowledge (which is a far different thing than learning).

All this sounds too much like what the late University of Chicago philosophy professor Allan Bloom had to say in his influential and controversial bestselling book THE CLOSING OF THE AMERICAN MIND: HOW HIGHER EDUCATION HAS FAILED DEMOCRACY AND IMPOVERISHED THE SOULS OF TODAY’S STUDENTS (published

in 1987, just as the so-called “culture wars” were heating up). In a much-discussed chapter on music, Bloom, who had a distaste for the generation of students he taught, remarked that the music they listened to had “three great lyrical themes: sex, hate and a smarmy, hypocritical version of brotherly love.” Without providing any examples of what he referred to, Bloom went on to say that popular music originates “in a muddy stream where only monsters can swim,” and then caps it all off with his judgment that “Nothing noble, sublime, profound, delicate, tasteful or even decent can find a place in such a tableaux.” He makes this point over and over again in his lengthy diatribe against popular music and the vulgarity of those who listen to it. In fact, every page of his nearly four-hundred page book, which rants and raves about topics such as books, creativity, values, drug use, and sex (an obsessive topic for Bloom), is filled with disgust for those who sit in his classroom, and his ruminations about how they would be better off listening to Mozart instead of Michael Jackson.

I can’t help but think that the pop music questions on the Princeton SAT prep manual are presided over by the ghost of Bloom, as the test designers try to impress on their stress-filled applicants just how poor their choice of music is.

Too bad they apparently haven’t heard of Cole Porter, a muchadmired composer from the era of the so-called Great American Songbook. Contemplate these lyrics from his very popular composition, “De-Lovely”: “It’s delightful, it’s delicious, it’s de-lovely.”

Grammatically correct? Hardly.

But who would change a word of his charming, and very naughty, song? Don’t let the SAT people near this one. And he’s not alive to defend himself.

I’m afraid I’ll have to side with Taylor Swift on this one. The folks at SAT should stick to testing, and spare their moral judgments for another audience. And they should take to heart a statement that has inspired me ever since I first heard it back in 1964, “Never trust anyone over 30.”

See you next week, with another installment of the Pompatus Of Kelly’s Place.

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