The Loafer February 16th

Page 2 | The Loafer | February 16, 2016

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February 16, 2016 | The Loafer | Page 3

Winter Ice Solstice Musical

Volume 30 • Issue #11 Publisher Luci Tate Editor Graphic Arts Director Don Sprinkle Cover Design Bill May Advertising Dave Carter Terry Patterson Lori Howell Beth Jinks-Ashbrook Don Stuck Contributing Staff Jim Kelly Andy Ross Ken Silvers Mark Marquette Brian McManus Joshua Hicks Brian Bishop Distribution Jerry Hanger Teresa Hanger Published by Pulse Publishing, LLC., P.O. Box 3238, Johnson City, TN 37602 Phone: 423/283-4324 FAX - 423/283-4369 www.theloaferonline.com info@theloaferonline.com e-mail: editorial@theloaferonline.com (editorial) adcopy@theloaferonline.com (advertising) All advertisements are accepted and published by the publisher upon the representation that the agency and/or advertiser is authorized to publish the entire contents and subject matter thereof.

The agency and/or advertiser will indemnify and save the publisher harmless from any loss of expense resulting from claims or suits based upon contents of any advertisement, including claims or suits for defamation, libel, right of privacy, plagiarism, and copyright infringement.

Founder: Bill Williams

happenings 4

Winter Ice Solstice Musical at NPAC

5

JCAHBA Home and Garden Show

6

Earls of Leicester at ETSU

7

The Stray Birds & Amythyst Kiah in Kingsport

9

Local Artists Exhibit Opens

11

Johnnyswim performs at Barter Theatre

13

Dirty Bourbon River Show at Bone Fire Smokehouse

19

31st ‘Positive/Negative’ Exhibition

21

Contra Dance In Jonesborough

22 Things To Do

music & fun 14

Spotlight - Great Music & Fun Times

24

Puzzle Page

columns & reviews 12

Batteries Not Included - 100 Songs, Part Two

16

Stargazer - Moon Man Mitchell and Soviet Moonship

17

Skies This Week

18

Screen Scenes - “Pride and Prejudice and Zombies”

20 Trivial Traveler - Sidewalks In The Sky 23

Pets Of The Week

26

Kelly’s Place - Gadgets For Your Gadget

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Winter Ice Solstice Musical at Niswonger Performing Arts Center

For the first time ever at NPAC, experience an event that will have you frozen in your seat while watching professional ice skaters glide across the stage in a unique performance like none other. This new chilling entertainment experience is like a Broadway musical on ice featuring energetic dancing, singing, skating and signature Cirque du Soleil maneuvers. Winter Ice Solstice is Sunday, February 28th at 2:00 pm at Niswonger Performing Arts Center.

The show will feature Skating With The Stars European

Champion Alexandra Murphy, along with Cirque Du Soleil Las Vegas performer Holland Loshe, as well as a cast of international champion skaters, elaborate costumes, and wonderful special effects! The musical is an original score with an amazing story line and specialty acts, singers, and dancing to compliment the ice skating show and story line.

Using synthetic ice, skaters perform death drops and overhead lifts that will bring the audience to its feet. This winterthemed skating bonanza will also feature solo skaters per-

forming amazing jumps, fast spins and spectacular tricks.

Take a peek into this winter wonderland and enjoy a magical experience the whole family will love.

Winter Ice Solstice visits the Niswonger Performing Arts Center (NPAC) in historic downtown Greeneville, TN on Sunday, February 28th at 2:00 pm. Tickets are $35 for orchestra level seating, $30 for mezzanine seating, and $25 for balcony seats. Tickets may be purchased online at www. npacgreeneville.com, in person at the NPAC box office, or by

calling 423-638-1679.

NPAC offers online seat selection with no processing or delivery fees. There is a $1.50 ticketing fee per ticket regardless of purchase method. The box office hours are Monday through Friday, 10 am until 5 pm. The 1150 seat performing arts center is located adjacent to the campus of Greeneville High School in Greeneville, TN. For venue information, and to purchase tickets, please visit www.npacgreeneville. com.

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Home Builders Association Presents

47th Annual Home & Garden Show!

The Johnson City Area HBA will present the 47th Annual Home Sweet Home and Garden Show February 19 – 21, 2016 at the MSHA Athletic Center (ETSU Mini Dome).

The Johnson City Area Home Builders Association Annual Home & Garden Show is the place for you to find what’s new in building, remodeling, landscaping and most anything related to your home and garden. Need information about a new loan or refinance?

Looking to update the kitchen cabinets or do something new with the master bathroom?

Want the opportunity to speak with landscape architects about that area in your yard?

You’ll find the resources to answer your questions all in one place. This year’s show will feature building and renovation professionals that specialize in room additions, kitchen and bath remodeling, roofing, windows and doors along with an array of products and services to help you turn your home or yard into the home sweet home you have always wanted.

Make sure to bring the kids to experience the Kid’s Zone where they will get to experi-

drawing of a $500 shopping spree will be awarded at the close of the show on Sunday.

You do not have to be present to win.

Don’t miss it!

Show hours are: Friday, February 19 4:00 p.m. – 8:00 p.m.

Saturday, February 20 9:00 a.m. – 6:00 p.m.

Sunday, February 21 11:00 a.m. – 5:00 p.m. ence a workshop area created just for them in a kid-friendly environment.

Be one of the first 100 to arrive on either Saturday or Sunday and receive a special “Thank You” gift at the door.

Don’t miss it – mark your calendar now to attend the 47th Annual Home Sweet Home & Garden Show presented by Johnson City Area

Home Builders Association at the ETSU Mini Dome!

Tickets for this event will be General Admission and will be available on the days of the

show. Tickets are $5 per person per day. Children 12 and under admitted free when accompanied by paying adult.

A Grand Prize Door Prize

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Playing Flatt

Earls of Leicester to bring ‘Foggy Mountain’ bluegrass to ETSU Some people remember guitarist Lester Flatt and banjo player Earl Scruggs from The Beverly Hillbillies TV show of the 1960s, picking and singing for Granny, Jed, Jethro and Elly May. Some folks remember them even earlier, when they got their start with Bill Monroe and the Blue Grass Boys, where bluegrass music got its name.

Jerry Douglas was about 7 when he first saw Lester Flatt and Earl Scruggs and the Foggy Mountain Boys perform live.

Half a century later, Douglas, now a world-renowned Dobro master, has assembled what he calls a bluegrass “all-star dream team” to honor and rejuvenate the Flatt and Scruggs standards.

Bringing together the talents of veteran musicians Douglas on Dobro, Shawn Camp on lead vocals and guitar, Kingsport native Barry Bales on bass and vocals, Charlie Cushman on banjo and guitar and Johnny Warren on fiddle and vocals, Douglas has created “new bluegrass royalty” with The Earls of Leicester, says Bluegrass Today.

“This is something I’ve been waiting my whole life to do,” says Douglas, who, along with Bales, has played with Alison Krauss and Union Station nearly two decades.

Between travels with their respective bands, Jerry Douglas Presents The Earls of Leicester will hold court at ETSU’s Martha Street Culp Auditorium Friday, Feb. 19, at 7:30 p.m., with the ETSU Bluegrass Pride Band opening the show.

“You expect a band of superstars to be fantastic, but these … guys go far beyond that superlative,” says David Morris in his Bluegrass Today review of the group’s self-titled and recently GRAMMY®-winning CD. In October, The Earls also

swept the International Bluegrass Music Awards, taking away the entertainer, album, instrumental group and gospel recorded performance of the year awards, while band members Douglas and Camp took top honors for Dobro player and male vocalist, respectively.

The response has been gratifying, confirming that the time was right to re-introduce the unique Flatt and Scruggs sound into bluegrass music, Douglas says.

“I grew up with them they were my musical bible …” Douglas says. “Flatt and Scruggs were the major influence on me when I was growing up … and it’s still influencing me 50 years later.

“Much of my motivation [in starting the band] was selfish, because I just wanted to hear this sound again. It took me a long time to find the right people who could pull it off and make it sound authentic and not corny, and make you feel like you’re listening to Flatt and Scruggs during those years.”

The Earls may have truly

pulled it off. “This band is as close to the original Flatt and Scruggs band as you’ll ever hear, as I’ve ever heard and I listen closely,” says Douglas, who learned his first Flatt and Scruggs tunes from a 45 record from a jukebox. “The mission of this band is to play it their way ... If we played it our way, we’d be like everyone else.”

But this is “not a science experiment,” Bales says. “We’re up there having fun and the audience is having fun with us, so it’s been a blast.”

The Earls use vintage instruments, vintage-looking microphones, wear period hats, ties and jackets and use Flatt and Scruggs’ unconventional tunings to replicate the unique sound, as well as the look. In addition, Cushman is a recognized expert on the Scruggs style of banjo-picking, Warren is the son of Fiddlin’ Paul Warren, who played with Flatt and Scruggs for more than a decade and Camp is “not only a solid

Flatt ...

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An evening with THE STRAY BIRDS & AMYTHYST KIAH

The Kingsport Office of Cultural Arts and Engage Kingsport present an evening with The Stray Birds and special guest Amythyst Kiah on Friday, February 19, 2016 at the Renaissance Arts Center Theatre in Kingsport. Tickets are $15. This show is part of The Engage Kingsport Performing Arts Series 2016winter lineup. Engage Kingsport Performing Arts Series’ shows feature reserved seating in the beautiful Renaissance Arts Center Theatre, a 350 seat theatre. Tickets are available online at EngageKingsport.com or at the Office of Cultural Arts at 1200 E. Center Street, Kingsport or by phone at (423) 392-8414.

The Stray Birds have been flying high since the 2012 release of their critically acclaimed self-titled album, The Stray Birds. Two years, hundreds of gigs, and thousands of highway miles later, the genremelding acoustic trio made its Yep Roc Records debut with Best Medicine, released on October 21, 2014.

“This is the first time that we have written music within the context of being a consistent, traveling, performing band” says de Vitry.

“These songs have been largely inspired by places we’ve been or experiences we’ve had on the road.”

The album’s title track, “Best Medicine” was inspired by a trip to Schenectady, New York, a town with a lively record store amidst countless abandoned storefronts.

This juxtaposition, along with the fascinating life story of the record shop’s proprietor, led de Vitry to pen the lyrics, “You never know the gold you can find out there / ‘Til you put the needle down and do some digging in the air…if the body is a temple, the soul is a bell/ And that’s why music is the best medicine I sell.

The band – multi-instrumentalists and vocalists Maya de Vitry, Oliver Craven, and Charlie Muench – hails from Lancaster, Pennsylvania. All three are classically-trained musicians who’ve been making music of all kinds since childhood (before they re-

connected through the local music scene, de Vitry and Muench first met in middle school orchestra); however, they were also all raised with a steady diet of music ranging from pioneers like The Carter Familyand Bill Monroe & His Blue Grass Boys to the joyous invention of The Beatles and The Band, to the groundbreaking artistry of Jimi Hendrix.

After college, Craven was playing with Muench in a bluegrass band called River Wheel when he and de Vitry first met. Craven and de Vitry began sharing their original songs with one another, playing local open mics, and busking regularly at Lancaster’s Central Market. In an effort to preserve their songs before an impending parting, the pair recorded the Borderland EP in a friend’s basement studio in 2010. Muench appeared as a guest bassist on a few tracks.

It was only a year before the trio would wrap up other endeavors and reassemble in a recording studio, independently releasing their first full-length album, The Stray Birds, in 2012. “Making that record was a really great process for us to learn how we work together as a band” explains de Vitry. The album became a critical darling: NPR included it on their 10 Best Folk/Americana Albums of the Year list and several songs from the project were in heavy rotation on taste-making radio stations like WXPN. The album’s success earned The

Stray Birds performance slots at prestigious events like the Philadelphia, Kerrville, and Falcon Ridge Folk Festival and legendary venues like Nashville’s famous bluegrass club and The Station Inn. Their steadily increasing popularity led to an appearance on Mountain Stage, where their spellbinding harmonies captivated audiences nationwide and helped to build a dedicated fanbase in the UK and Ireland as well.

The trio, who roots music site No Depression praised as “a band destined for global success” received rave reviews at the 2014 Celtic Connections Festival in Scotland and followed that appearance with a number of soldout dates in England and Ireland.

Where their previous releases (aside from the 2013 EP, Echo Sessions, which consisted of covers of songs penned by Townes Van Zandt, The Louvin Brothers, Jimmie Rodgers, Nanci Griffith, and Susanna Clark) consisted nearly entirely of songs that the band members wrote individually while remaining close to home, for Best Medicine, the band’s primary songwriters, Maya and Oliver, wrote new, original material inspired by their last two and a half years on the road; then The Stray Birds honed the majority of these songs onstage together.

When the group began to work

Birds ...

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Flatt ..... continued from page 6 guitar player and singer, but also a pretty fair Lester Flatt mimic,” says Bluegrass Today.

Bales, an ETSU alumnus and former adjunct faculty member, is “just rock solid,” Douglas says.

Douglas himself is a 13time GRAMMY® winner and three-time Country Music Association Musician of the Year.

He has produced albums by the Del McCoury Band, Maura O’Connell, and Jesse Winchester and has been part of The Whites, J.D. Crowe and the New South, the Country Gentlemen and Strength in Numbers and toured and recorded with Krauss and Union Station since 1998.

All of The Earls have listened to the duo’s much-revered

music since they were young, whether they were crawling around during Foggy Mountain Boys rehearsals as Johnny Warren was, watching them in concert or listening to their recordings and watching their shows.

“If they weren’t the fathers of bluegrass, they were the uncles of bluegrass,” says Bales, who lives on his family farm in Mosheim, Tenn., when not on the road with Union Station or The Earls. “Bill Monroe had the vision … but it really wasn’t until Lester and Earl got in the band that it came together. I’m of the opinion that, without Lester and Earl, there would be no bluegrass as we know it.

They were innovators.”

Bluegrass has grown in many directions since Monroe, Flatt, and Scruggs set the standard 70 years ago, says Daniel Boner, who directs Bluegrass, Old Time and Country Music Studies at ETSU. “It is refreshing to hear this classic material

revived in a way that reflects the spirit of the original recordings,” Boner says. “The Earls of Leicester remind me of how I felt the first time I heard ‘Roll in My Sweet Baby’s Arms’ jump out of the speakers. It’s lifechanging music.”

Many young people are hearing Flatt and Scruggs standards for the first time. “We have a younger audience for this kind of music now, and it is important to me that the listeners understand the origins of what they are hearing,” Douglas says.

“They’re always going to be the founders of this music but it’s easier as people sort of get further and further …” Bales says. “The next generation moves a little further away and a little further away, so hopefully this will just help get this into the younger players’ consciousness and get it to where it is a joy and a benefit for them in their music.”

Members of ETSU’s Bluegrass

Pride Band will not only get to hear The Earls, but also will get to participate in a Q&A with them earlier in the day Friday, Feb. 19, and then open the 7:30 p.m. show. Student members are Calder Baker from Grand Rapids, Mich., on banjo; Jaime Carter from Spartanburg, S.C., on bass; Tennessee State Champion fiddler Aynsley Porchak of Woodstock, Ontario; mandolinist Karl Smakula of Montrose, W.V.; and Ben Watlington from Mocksville, N.C., on guitar.

“This is a performance we’re super-excited about,” says Anita DeAngelis, director of event sponsor Mary B. Martin School of the Arts. “Faculty in the bluegrass program came and asked us to pursue bringing The Earls of Leicester to ETSU. “It was a little difficult to schedule, because all of the artists are performing in other bands, but we’re thrilled to be able to bring this kind of concert to Johnson City and to arrange a way for the professionals to

interact with our bluegrass students. I have no doubt they all will bring down the house that night.”

Douglas and Bales say every show as The Earls of Leicester is memorable for them, as well.

“For me it’s thrilling to stand up there,” Douglas says. “It makes me feel 6 years old all over again to stand up there and hear these guys do this. We’re all pulling this off together and it’s really amazing.”

“It’s almost like you get to play with Flatt and Scruggs,” Bales says, “or it’s as close as you’re going to get, because to do it everybody [in the band] knows the parts and knows the recordings so well.”

Tickets for Jerry Douglas Presents The Earls of Leicester are $12 for students of all ages with ID, $25 seniors 60 and over and $30 general admission.

To purchase tickets online or for more information, please visit www.etsu.edu/martin or call 423-439-TKTS (8587).

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February 16, 2016 | The Loafer | Page 9

Artists Tracy Ference and Odis “Lynn” Price Exhibit Opens February 17tH

Meet-the-Artists Reception Saturday, February 20th 2-4 pm “Portraiture as an Art” Local artists Tracy Ference and Odis Lynn Price will present a mixed media exhibition titled, “Portraiture as an Art” in the Juried Spotlight Gallery of the Arts Depot in Abingdon, VA. The Exhibit will run from February 17th through April 2nd 2016. There will be a Meet-the-Artist reception on Saturday, February 20th from 2-4 pm.

When local artists Lynn Price and Tracy Ference proposed their exhibit to the Arts Depot they noted that “today we have constant access to pictures and selfies through social media, we spend mere moments glancing through photographs… We have become desensitized to seeing people’s faces!” In their quest

to examine this growing trend Tracy and Lynn will present an exhibit featuring portraiture as an art form through sculpture, painting and drawing. Ference works in pastels and paints, and Price in clay sculpture.

Both artists create portraits that depict both the visual appearance and the inner essence of their models. The viewer is beckoned to become deeply engaged not only with the model’s likeness, but also personality and mood. Both artists agree that they are inspired by the “beauty that that is in us all.”

Tracy Ference was born and raised in Northwestern Pennsylvania. She earned a BS in Psychology from Penn State and attended graduate school

at Robert Morris College in Pittsburg, PA. Married shortly after college the couple started a family and began moving around the country with his career. In 2003 while living in Texas she took the opportunity to fulfill a lifelong dream to study art and has been painting and studying ever since.

While not formally trained she has attended workshops with some of the best portrait artists in the country. Currently Tracy lives in Abingdon, VA where she maintains a studio at William King Museum of Art. She paints commissioned portraits and still lifes in oil, pastels and pencil.

Lynn Price is an Abingdon native who attended William King High School and gradu-

ated from Abingdon High School. Lynn began his career in sculpture at the age of 50 in North Carolina doing portraits of children. He is selftaught and currently works in clay and iron. Lynn works from his studio at the William King Museum of Art where the majority of his sculptures are commissioned portraits. He is quick to add that he does not limit himself to portraits. He believes that “creating is creating.” Whether it’s portraits or some other subject, he loves it all! Lynn works primarily in a realistic style and strives to create a piece that pleases the client…. “But none of the work leaves my studio unless I am satisfied” says Price.

Lynn teaches clay sculpting to

students of all ages. He says he is especially pleased to “give back something to the kids in the area” and will continue to teach “as long as there is an interest in my craft.”

The Depot Artist Association is a non-profit volunteer organization that is dedicated to promoting the arts in the community and to featuring the region’s artists. The Association operates the Arts Depot in the historic Depot Square area of downtown Abingdon, VA. The viewing hours for regular exhibits and resident studio artists Wednesday through Saturday 10 am – 4 pm, until 8 pm on the first Thursday of each month or by appointment. Exhibits are free to the public. For further information the Arts Depot, Abingdon, VA, call (276) 628-9091 or e-mail abingdonartsdepot@ eva.org, or visit their facebook place page or their web site at www.abingdonartsdepot.org. The Association is supported in part by grants from the Virginia Commission for the Arts and the National Endowment for the Arts.

Page 10 | The Loafer | February 16, 2016

The Loafer would like to congratulate Phil and Diana Pipkin owners of Phil’s Dream Pit and their hardworking staff, for 8 successful years of brilliant smoked BBQ and exemplary hospitality.

Birds ..... continued from page 7 on their new album at Stonebridge Studios in Leesburg, Virginia, The Stray Birds and their co-producer Stuart Martin pursued a method of recording that was unlike any other project the band had ever made before. “It’s more us” states Craven. Instead of recording in isolation as they did on The Stray Birds, for Best Medicine, the band eschewed booths and headphones, instead recording the majority of their material live off the floor, in the same room, each musician playing and singing around a microphone, capturing the energy and the familial feel of their live shows. There were few overdubs, which were largely used by the Birds to give several songs an extra layer of texture by adding more instrumental tracks (ranging from slide guitar to piano) instead of using session musicians.

“By the time we recorded this album, singing together had become so natural” explains de Vitry.

It had become familial rather than just professional. Our vocal ranges and tones were complementary to begin with, but our inflection and phrasing evolved so effortlessly once we were singing out on the road every night.”

Muench agrees, noting, “I think the three of us have really gelled and inhabited The Stray Birds as a single entity. In the beginning it was ‘Maya and Oliver and Charlie sometimes playing music together.’ Now we are a solid unit.”

In addition to being their strongest, most personal, and most authentic album to date, Best Medicine is an album of firsts for these three musicians: it is the band’s first full-length album where Charlie Muench sings lead on a song, a jaunty, fiddle-laced version of the traditional tune “Pallet” which has long been a fan favorite at shows. It was also the first song Maya and Oliver sang together back in 2010, making its inclusion on Best Medicine a moment in which the band’s journey from a Lancaster basement to the stages of some of the most well-known festivals in the country seems to have come full circle. The album is also the first one to include a song co-written by Maya and Oliver, who normally write separately: the poignant “Feathers and Bone,” a song that the pair finished in the studio late one night after one of

their recording sessions.

Many of the songs on Best Medicine have been refined onstage in the last year; however, there is one new song that has never been performed live before. “Never for Nothing,” is an unforgettable ballad that shines with a glimmer of hope as de Vitry sings, over delicate piano and guitar, “I’m dripping from the rivers I never meant to cross / But I like the things I’m learning more than anything I’ve lost / And, oh, I have lost…but not for nothing.”

Although The Stray Birds choose to focus on folk music’s sounds, harmonies, and tones, rather than its tradition of politicallyconscious lyrics, Best Medicine includes two songs that would do Pete Seeger proud: Craven’s “Simple Man,” a heartbreaking song, reminiscent of Woody Guthrie’s Dust Bowl ballads, told from the perspective of a down on his luck farmer who prays he won’t live to see the next sunrise, and de Vitry’s “Black Hills,” a moody song, anchored by clawhammer banjo, about a dark spot in American history – it was inspired by a 2012 National Geographic article titled “In the Shadow of Wounded Knee.”

While the bulk of the original material for Best Medicine was written with The Stray Birds in mind, the two songs that close the album come from an earlier time but find a home in the hands of the close-knit trio. Craven’s aforementioned “Simple Man”, and de Viry’s “Might Rain”—the first song she ever wrote— a song for which Muench lays down the bass and picks up the clawhammer banjo in a lulling, old-time inspired arrangement.

Supporting the release of Best Medicine, The Stray Birds are

touring for much of 2015 and 2016, bringing their stunning harmonies and lyrics to theaters, venues, and festivals across the country and world, and thankfully to the Renaissance Arts Center Theatre in Kingsport, Tennessee on February 19th.

Special Guest Opener: Amythyst Kiah Amythyst Kiah is a Southern Gothic, alt-country blues American singer/songwriter that has found a way to fuse traditional roots music with a contemporary style that does not take away from the integrity of the original song, and transforms them into powerful, soulful renditions. Her music has been described as “a brilliant blend of surf rock, soul and grunge that bleeds country”. Amythyst Kiah has been a resident of Johnson City, for nearly a decade now.

Most people have a difficult time labelling her sound, but she defines it simply as “southern roots music” She has been performing in the Tri-Cities and in various parts of Southwest Virginia.

Not only are her influences eclectic, but they span across decades. She draws heavily on Old Timemusic (Mississippi Sheiks, Son House, Jimmie Rodgers, Olla Belle Reed, Carter Family) and is inspired by vocal stylings of R&B and Country music from the ‘50s-’70s (Big Mama Thornton, Sister Rosetta Tharpe, Mahalia Jackson, Dolly Parton, Patsy Cline, Loretta Lynn). She also draws heavily from contemporary artists that `have similar powerful vocal integrity (Adele, Florence and the Machine, Megan Jean and the KFB, Janelle Monae, Bonnie Raitt).

Her sound on her new album, “Dig”, is raw and sparse, with heavy lyrical content regarding such themes as loss, betrayal, and murder.

She has opened for such acts as Tim O’Brien and Darrell Scott, The Duhks, Megan Jean and the KFB, and has played the Smithsonian Folk Life Festival 2012 alongside the Ebony Hillbillies andSparky and Rhonda Rucker. She also had the pleasure of performing on Music City Roots.

Needless to say, Amythyst has a lot of tools in her vocal tool box, and is also well on her way to joining the powerhouse vocalist pantheon.

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NASHVILLE DUO JOHNNYSWIM PERFORM AT BARTER THEATRE

The Abingdon Music Experience presents the Nashville husband-and-wife duo JOHNNYSWIM, Saturday February 27th at Barter Theatre in Abingdon. Originally slated to perform as part of the January Jams series, JOHNNYSWIM had to be rescheduled due to

Nashville to study and pursue music while Amanda’s family settled in Nashville after moving between Los Angeles and the northeast. Both inherited strong musical influences from their parents and both were driven by a desire to chart their own path in music. Abner at-

ic Barter Theatre in Abingdon, VA. Doors open at 7:15pm, show starts at 8:00pm. Tickets are $25, available through the Barter Theatre box office, at (276) 628-3991 or www.bartertheatre.com.

The January Jams series brings Grammy Award win-

winter storm Jonas. Tickets are on sale now through Barter Theatre’s box office.

JOHNNYSWIM is a husbandwife duo who have been compared to The Civil Wars, John Mayer, Drew Holcomb & The Neighbors, and The Lumineers. Their music “packs a heavier punch than one would expect from a pair of Nashville-bred folkies (who now, ironically, reside in Los Angeles), and is filled with intense melodies … that often move between haunting and celebratory.” – Billboard.com Abner and Amanda formed JOHNNYSWIM in Music City, USA. The son of immigrants who fled Cuba for the southeast, Abner had moved to

tempted a solo career with a record label and Amanda had done some recording in New York but neither course was creatively satisfying. And then they met each other in 2005.

Fueled by Nashville’s fervent music scene, the two began writing songs that drew from and augmented each other’s musical strengths. Adopting the name JOHNNYSWIM, the duo self-released their debut EP 1-4 in 2008. A year later, Abner and Amanda got married and relocated to Los Angeles. No matter what JOHNNYSWIM writes or where they perform, the excellence of their craft infuses every note.

JOHNNYSWIM, Saturday February 27, 2016 at the histor-

ning and nationally recognized artists to perform in Abingdon, highlighting the town as a music destination for visitors and locals alike. Up next this spring, Abingdon Music Experience presents the Shamrock Run 4-Miler Friday March 11th, and Music on the Lawn, a series of free outdoor concerts Sundays on the front lawn of the Martha Washington Inn & Spa. Blue Ridge Beverage presents the Abingdon Music Experience, also sponsored in part by: Eastman Credit Union, EcoLogical Energy Systems, First Community Bank, Universal Fibers, Appalachian Power, and The Bank of Marion.

February 16, 2016 | The Loafer | Page 11

Page 12 | The Loafer | February 16, 2016 to a lot of alt rock discovery in the latter part of my high school career.

Which leads to….

“Where Is My Mind?” — Pixies: I don’t know exactly when I first heard The Pixies. It would have been Senior year of high school at the latest. I think any misfit, music loving kid post mid ‘90s encounters them at some point during their formative years. Arguably, I’d say this is their best song.

“Rock Lobster” — The B-52’s: You never forget your first favorite band, and The B-52’s were mine (they still remain a favorite).

There’s a disconnect I think with most people today who think The B-52’s only song is “Love Shack,” but the reality is they made one of the finest rock albums ever with their self titled debut album from 1979. A CBGB’s alt/punk crowd take on the ‘60s beach song, “Rock Lobster” is a magnificent nearly seven minute long centerpiece of the album. The charm and energy of this song is undeniable, and I feel the same way about the entire album it comes from. If you can’t find something to love here, I imagine you don’t enjoy fun.

“Teenage Kicks”— The Underspot in the most seamless way you ber hearing this tune for the first tones: Sometimes I simply marvel could imagine. But it’s her concert time as distinctly as anything. A at how simple this song is, which closer of “How High The Moon” cast party for a play I was involved is the very reason it is perfect. Irish that just floors me, and is one of in, “Take Five” came from the ste- punk band The Undertones rethe truly sublime American jazz reo from a Brubeck best of CD, and leased the single in 1978. In the UK, I immediately had to borrow the the song was a massive hit, and recordings.

“I’ve Been Loving You Too Long CD to learn more about this tune. struck a chord so deep with influ(To Stop Now)” — Otis Redding: From the landmark “Time Out” ential DJ John Peel he reportedly Speaking of great American vo- record, “Take Five’ is Brubeck’s cried the first time he heard the calists, Otis Redding. From the most recognizable tune, though it song, he debuted it to his radio aubrilliant “Otis Blue: Otis Redding was composted by his saxophone dience playing twice in a row and gushing over it—even the opening Sings Soul” album, the tune, co- player, Paul Desmond.

“Ana Ng” — They Might Be Gi- lyric is on his tombstone. If you written by Redding, was his first big hit. Landing at number five on ants: Though almost every song on want to know what a great garagethe Billboard top ten. It’s a ballad of the beloved alt band’s 1990 album punk song should be, it’s this.

“Saturday Night Fish Fry” — the finest which has been given nu- “Flood” is held deep to my heart, merous covers over the years, but I have an even stronger love for Louis Jordan: Released in 1949 none of them can match the origi- “Ana Ng” from their second album “Saturday Night Fish Fry” has nal recording. Prime Otis, pure per- “Lincoln.” “Ana Ng” is the perfect several things going for it. First microcosm of what makes They off, it’s a long tune, five and a half fection contained in every breath.

“Fujiyama Mama” — Wanda Might Be Giants great. It’s quirky, minutes, in an time when songs Jackson: Wanda Jackson is the catchy, and the chorus is best when had to fit on to the single side of queen of rockabilly and one of the sung along loud with friends. I a 78 RPM record. It’s also, sorta, kinda, really, the first rock and roll first female rockers. She also dated love this song deeply.

“Short Skirt/Long Jacket” — song. The song’s backbeat has a lot Elvis if you still doubt her powers of awesome. All of those pow- Cake: I could site many of the of what could come in the earliest ers are featured on this track. Her same reasons for the previous song rock songs just six years later. Jortrademark howl, tough attitude (“I as to why this song is on the list. dan’s music is a mix of jazz, R&B, can cause destruction just like the The first Cake song I heard during blues, and swing—all coated with atom bomb”), and the way she ac- the Summer of 2002, when their a sense of humor. He was immense cents the word Fujiyama. I love the “Comfort Eagle” album was being popular in his time and was one of played with regularity backstage the first African-American musihell out of this one.

“Take Five”— The Dave Brubeck during a production of “Little Shop cians to have crossover hits with Quartet: The gateway that opened of Horrors” I was in. It would be white audiences. The tune was a up the door to jazz for me. I remem- the start of a fuse that would lead huge hit, topping the R&B charts

100 Songs, Part Two Last year I ran a list of songs that I considered to be the 100 songs everyone should hear before they die.

A friend challenged me to do this, and I said that I would, from time to time, talk about the list in detail in twenty-five song chunks. At a social function this past weekend, someone asked me if I was ever going to continue with the project. I promised that I would send part two out into the world in the not too distant future. Behold, the future is now! The full list of 100 can be found on my blog heythereandy.blogspot.com. This week will cover songs 26 to 50.

“Gimme Shelter” — The Rolling Stones: The opening track to 1969’s “Let it Bleed” album, “Gimme Shelter” is a song of confusion and unease rooted in the Vietnam war.

One of the most distinct qualities of the track are the backing vocals of Merry Clayton—who was brought from bed in the middle of the night, and came to the studio in a robe with her hair in curlers. During the session, Merry decided she would “blow the roof off the joint” and at 3:01 you can hear her voice crack—accompanied by the sound of Mick Jagger yelling “woo!”

“How High The Moon” — Ella Fitzgerald: Ella Fitzgerald is, for my money, the best American female vocalist. Though she recorded “How High The Moon” several times during her career, the definite take on the song was recored for her live album “Ella in Berlin” from 1960. This version of the song is nearly seven minutes long and features Ella’s famous scatt singing in the middle of the song, riffing on other songs from her career in a beautiful manner. The whole album is full of highlights—she forgets the lyrics to “Mack The Knife” and improvises new ones on the

for three weeks, and reaching 21 on the national charts.

“Smokestack Lighting” — Howlin’ Wolf: I mean, c’mon, do I have to explain this one? It’s a perfect example of electric blues with a beat and vocal that grabs you and doesn’t let go. Another foretelling of rock sounds to come, and one that demands to be turned up and blasted in the middle of a hot Summer’s night.

“Is She Really Going Out With Him?” — Joe Jackson: Regardless of how much we evolve as a species, there are going to be some things that will always ring true.

“Why did X choose Y over me?” is one of those things. The most popular song from Joe Jackson’s impressive catalog—he really is a top notch songwriter—“Is She Really Going Out With Him?” hits all the notes of longing for someone who has a partner that makes no sense at all. Jackson has since claimed the song was humorous and never meant to be taken seriously, I’m not sure I agree with that as there are a lot of live performances from the era which have a good deal of snarl behind them. Either way, it’s a song that I played a hell of a lot in my early 20s. It’s album “Look Sharp” is equally as good.

“Sing, Sing Sing” — Benny Goodman: Such a shinning example of swing music, and one of the most famous tunes from the swing era—I’d wager that you know this song, even if you don’t recognize it by title. There’s a wide range of music I enjoy, and I think Benny Goodman was one of the titans of the form of swing.

“But Not For Me” — Chet Baker: One of my favorite Gershwin tunes, this version comes from the sublime “Chet Baker Sings” album.

The whole album is my perfect Sunday morning record. I have a soft spot for this tune—and a lot of tunes about love and longing (Calling Dr. Freud!), but the vocal is so soft and airy it reaches a stage of heaven that other interpretations just do not match.

“I’m in The Mood for Love”— Louis Armstrong: It was hard to choose which Louis Armstrong tune I wanted on this list, but this is the one that kept coming to mind—as I didn’t want to go with something obvious per se. There’s a laid back attitude to Armstrong’s

100 Songs ...

continued on page 25

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DIRTY BOURBON RIVER SHOW at Bone Fire Smokehouse

On Thursday, February 18th at 8pm, Bone Fire Smokehouse present a Bourbon extravaganza featuring the Dirty Bourbon River Show. The Dirty Bourbon River Show deftly melds sounds that range from hardedged blues to Lisztian piano driven ballads to New Orleans brass into a result that is truly a blast of new energy into the musical landscape. Dirty Bourbon grabs hold of audiences, fascinated by their eccentricity and dexterity coupled with their ability to harken back to by-gone eras in music. Since forming in early 2009, the Dirty Bourbon River Show has released 9 studio albums and played over 750 live shows, fast earning them a stellar reputation for their tight, multi-faceted sound and high-energy performances. They can be found

bringing their blend of “New Orleans Big Brass Circus Rock” all over the USA, performing at festivals and respected venues year-round.

In addition to DBRS, Local favorites, The Boys, will warm up the stage at 8pm.

The all bouban night will also feature the introduction of some products to our line up. Altech Brewing will be

in Thursday to showcase 3 of their bourban barrel products, a stout, an ale, and a peach seasonal. To further the bourbon experience, Bone Fire will be adding two new bourbans to the bar lineup.

Be sure to stop by on the 18th at Bone Fire for an evening of all things bourban, the most fun you can have in a barrel.

Show starts at 8pm.

February 16, 2016 | The Loafer | Page 13

paws for the cause with Transit Time Band

On February 20th, from 7 p.m. to 11 p.m. they will be having a fundraiser at 50Fifty Sports Tavern, located at 2102 N. Roan St. in Johnson City. Transit Time Band from West Virginia will be providing entertainment. In addition they will have prize drawings every half hour to include retail, theater, and dining gift cards.

Admission is $5 per person, with all proceeds going to The Bridge Home No Kill Rescue.

If you are unable to join them, donations can be mailed to: The Bridge Home, P.O. Box 654, Blountville, Tennessee 37617.

You can also go online to thebridgehome.com (no ‘www’) to donate via PayPal or credit card.

Volunteer positions are always available, and there are numerous volunteer opportunities.

Please contact Regina Isenberg President at (423) 239-5237 for more information.

Page 14 | The Loafer | February 16, 2016

at O’Mainnin’s Pub

- TUESDAY - Feb. 16th SONGWRITERS NIGHT

at Holston River Brewing Company 6pm

BLACK JACKEY SYMPHONY presents PINK FLOYD: Dark Side Of The Moon at Paramount Center for the Arts

at Acoustic Coffeehouse

THE STRAY BIRDS AMYTHYST KIAH

at Jiggy Ray’s 6:30pm

BENNY JONES

VIOLET DELANCEY

DOWNTOWN COUNTRY - WEDNESDAY - Feb. 17th OPEN JAM

at O’Mainnin’s Pub

DUSTIN PRINZ

at Acoustic Coffeehouse

K.T. VAN DYKE at Down Home

OPEN MIC

at Woodstone Deli

at Kgt. Renaissance Arts Center 7:30pm at The Family Barn 6pm

SOUTHERN COUNTRYMEN BAND at The Outdoorsman 7pm ANNABELLE’S CURSE at The Willow Tree Coffeehouse & Music Room 8pm

ARIANA HODES MUSIC MOMMA MOLASSES at Acoustic Coffeehouse

- SATURDAY - Feb. 20th TRANSIT TIME

- THURSDAY - Feb. 18th DIRTY BOURBON RIVER SHOW at 50Fifty Sports Tavern at Bone Fire Smokehouse SOUTHERN COUNTRYMEN MARCUS BOYD BAND at The Family Barn 7:30pm SINGER/SONGWRITER BREAKING TRADITION at O’Mainnin’s Pub

WAITING FOR PAVEMENT

at Holston River Brewing Company 8pm

MERCER & JOHNSON JOE CAT at Acoustic Coffeehouse 8pm

at Holston River Brewing Company

BALSAM RANGE

at Niswonger Performing Arts Center

LITTLE FRAZIER at Jiggy Ray’s 7pm

at O’Mainnin’s Pub

NIGHTSHIFT

at David Thompson’s Produce 7pm

SOUTHERN SOUND at Kgt Eagles

FAT CHEEK KAT & GROOVE FETISH

at The Willow Tree Coffeehouse & Music Room 8pm

BONNIE BLUE

at Yee Haw Brewing Company

SOUTHERN REBELLION at Biggie’s Clam Bar

JONAH RIDDLE & CAROLINA EXPRESS at Carter Fold

THE BOXCARS at Down Home

HONEY BADGERS

at Bone Fire Smokehouse

MARK LARKINS

at Holiday Inn (Exit 7) 9pm

RAILWAY EXPRESS

at Country Club Bar & Grill

MELODIC MAHEM AARON ROBERTS at Acoustic Coffeehouse

SALLY & GEORGE

LIVE MUSIC

at The Willow Tree Coffeehouse & Music Room 2pm

at Bone Fire Smokehouse

OF SEA AND SHORE THESE ARE THEN ANGLES EARTH SUITS

JACOB GREEN BLUES TOUR at Bone Fire Smokehouse

OPEN MIC

at Acoustic Coffeehouse

at Capone’s

STATE OF SLEEP w/ SUNDALE & STREAMSIDE

- MONDAY - Feb. 22nd MARK HENRY DANNY & DALTON

at Holston River Brewing Company

MERCER & JOHNSON

at Bristol’s Pickin’ Porch

at Jiggy Ray’s 7pm

GRAND OLE UPROAR

BELOW 7

at The Family Barn 1pm

at 50 Fifty Sports Tavern

at Country Club Bar & Grill

at Capone’s

- SUNDAY - Feb. 21st JAM SESSION

- FRIDAY - Feb. 19th TWIST OF FATE

RAILWAY EXPRESS

WYLDEHEART

OPEN MIC

BELOW 7

at Acoustic Coffeehouse

BLUEGRASS JAM

at Hardee’s (Boones Creek)

KARAOKE TUESDAY

Karaoke At Numan’s - JCTN ***********************

WEDNESDAY

Karaoke w/ Southern Sounds Karaoke at American Legion 8pm Karaoke At Bristol VFW - BTN Turn the Page Karaoke At VFW Post 2108 - JCTN Karaoke w/ Absolute Entertainment at Smokey Bones - Johnson City TN ***********************

THURSDAY

Karaoke At Numan’s - JCTN Karaoke w/ Southern Sounds Karaoke at Macadoo’s 8pm Karaoke At Holiday Inn - JCTN Karaoke w/ Absolute Entertainment At Everette’s Bar & Grille - JCTN Karaoke At Bristol VFW ***********************

FRIDAY

KaraokeAt Bristol VFW - BTN Karaoke w/ Southern Sounds Karaoke at Sportsman’s Bar & Grill 9pm Karaoke w/ Reverb Karaoke at The Cottage 8:30 pm Turn the Page Karaoke at VFW Post 2108 - JCTN Karaoke At Elizabethton VFW Karaoke w/ DJ Marques At Holiday Inn (Exit 7) - BVA Karaoke At Numan’s - JCTN ***********************

SATURDAY

Turn the Page Karaoke at VFW Post 2108 - JCTN Karaoke At Numan’s - JCTN Karaoke at Bristol VFW Karaoke w/ Absolute Entertainment At Macado’s - Kingsport ***********************

SUNDAY

Karaoke w/ Absolute Entertainment At Everette’s Bar & Grille - JCTN ***********************

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Spotlight Directory

50 Fifty Sports Tavern 2102 N. Roan Street Johnson City Acoustic Coffeehouse 415 W Walnut St. Johnson City 423/434.9872 Biggies Clam Bar 417 W Stone Dr Kingsport 423/765-9633 Bristol’s Pickin’ Porch 620 State St Bristol 423/573-2262 Capone’s 227 E Main St Johnson City 423/928-2295 Carter Family Fold 3449 A. P. Carter Hwy Hiltons VA 276/594-0676 Country Club Bar & Grill 3080 W State St Bristol 423/844-0400 David Thompson’s Produce 251 Highway 107 Jonesborough 423/913-8123 Down Home 300 W. Main St. Johnson City 423/929-9822 Family Barn 15559 Lee Hwy Bristol VA Holiday Inn (Exit 7) 3005 Linden Dr Bristol Va 276/466-4100 Holston River Brewing Company 2621 Volunteer Pkwy Bristol TN

Jiggy Ray’s 610 E. Elk Ave Elizabethton 423/ 518-1500 Kosher Pickle 3900 Bristol Hwy Johnson City 423/ 979-7000 Niswonger Performing Arts Center 212 Tusculum Blvd Greeneville TN 423/ 638-1328 O’Mainnin’s Pub 712 State St Bristol 423/844-0049 The Outdoorsman 4535 Highway 11W Kingsport Paramount Center for the Arts 516 State St. Bristol TN 423/ 274-8920 Silver Spur RR 6 Gate City VA 276/ 452-2664 Uncorked 316 Broad St. #102 Kingsport Wellington’s Restaurant Carnegie Hotel 1216 W State of Franklin Rd Johnson City 423/979-6400 The Willow Tree Coffeehouse & Music Room 216 E Main St Johnson City Woodstone Deli 3500 Fort Henry Dr Kingsport 423/245-5424 Yee Haw Brewing Company 126 Buffalo St. Johnson City

Award-winning Bluegrass Band

Balsam Range

Saturday, February 20 at Niswonger Performing Arts Center

February 16, 2016 | The Loafer | Page 15

Page 16 | The Loafer | February 16, 2016

Moon Man Mitchell and Soviet Moonship

The anniversary of an Apollo lunar landing or death of a rare moon walker gets the attention of everyone looking at the Moon.

And it gets the Space Age fanatics thinking about the race to the Moon in the 1960s.

It was America vs the Soviet Union; Democracy vs Communism; Good vs Evil; open access vs censored secrecy; and triumph vs tragedy.

And one of the astronauts taking steps on the Moon and making a triumph out of the near-tragedy of Apollo 13 was Edgar Mitchel, who died at age 85 on Feb. 3, 2016, which was the 45th anniversary of him orbiting the Moon with two other astronauts aboard Apollo 14.

While I was enjoying Internet posts about the life of Mitchell and the Apollo 14 mission to the Moon, I also participated in the space nerds’ cyber banter about the one-man Soviet moonship called “LK” for Lunar Ship. It’s clear that America was ahead during most of the space race, but just barely. And once censored details about the Soviet space program are being revealed each year.

Edgar Mitchell walked on the Moon Feb. 5, 1971 with his commander and Mercury space hero Alan Shepard, the fifth and sixth humans to set foot on an alien world. The astronauts were outside for two, fourhour moonwalks during their 37 hours on the surface. They

brought back 95 pounds of precious lunar rocks.

The Apollo 14 landing will be remembered for Shepard swatting two Titleist golf balls with a make-shift 6-iron during the last moonwalk. This was after the pair became exhausted in the fluffy moon dust. They actually turned away with just a few yards from the edge of a large crater they wanted to look inside, the moonscape disorientating them slightly.

The Apollo 14 moonwalkers taught us that without familiar objects like trees and telephone poles that we have on Earth, it was extremely hard to judge distances on the Moon. Shepa-

rd and Mitchell walked in the deepest lunar soil experienced among the six landers, often over the tops of their boots.

They had a wheeled utility cart with all their tools, like a lunar rickshaw, which was hard to drag along the deep, moon dirt.

The Apollo 14 mission was the last of the three test missions that basically verified all the complex systems and navigational requirements.

The next three, Apollos 15, 16 and 17, would have three-day stays with a lunar rover to drive them around complex geology.

Edgar Mitchell came back from the Moon experience a changed man. He said he felt

the presence of a universal entity, not unlike, but different from the Biblical God of Christianity.

Before dying at age 85, Mitchell spent four decades spearheading his Noetic Institute for paranormal and psychic activity. This stemmed from his spiritual experience of a universal entity the he described in his book, “Way of the Wanderer”lkjlkj .

Had the Soviets landed on the Moon first, their mission would have been a “grab-andgo” to claim the historic first.

The Soviet moon plans has no scientific experiments, and it has been guessed that the lucky cosmonaut would dash outside for a mere 20-30 minutes with a camera, shovel and suitcase.

After hurriedly gathering rocks and tossing the suitcase of lunar booty into the LK moonship, the cosmonaut would get ready for blast off and rendezvous with a second cosmonaut orbiting in a Soyuz-style ship called Zond.

This “land and go” scenario would have to take place during a two-hour Zond orbit. The LK moonship could probably only operate for 6-8 hours on the Moon surface because of its small batteries for power. So the Zond cosmonaut would be in position for rendezvous for two, maybe three lunar orbits.

Though America had won the Moon Race in July 1969 with Apollo 11, the Soviets continued to test their LK moonship in Earth orbit without cosmonauts.

Disguised as “Cosmos” series flights, the usual cover for Soviet secrecy, it is known that Cosmos 379 and 382 were LKs flown in November and December 1970, and Cosmos 398 and 434 were LKs flown in February and August 1971. Space insiders followed the flights with tracking information, confirming that the descent and lunar ascent systems seemed to work well. Yet, the Soviets never sent a man on their LK moonship.

The main reason America beat

the Soviets to the Moon was the Russians failure to build a successful rocket to launch the LK moonship. America’s Saturn V rocket was a modern day marvel even today, and it’s proven, three-stage system proved the difference in the Moon Race.

The Soviet’s moon rocket, called N-1, exploded in catastrophic fashion three times in 1968 and 1969, dooming the dreams of a cosmonaut on the Moon before an American.

The LK moonship was also questioned if it could pull off the landing and launch from the Moon. The LK was onethird the size of NASA’s Apollo. Weight distribution, including the cosmonaut, would have been critical to maneuvers. And the claustrophobic interior with death a simple mistake away would have taken a very brave cosmonaut to fly the mission.

Indeed, several cosmonauts have openly doubted it would work, calling their Moon landing plans a suicide mission.

Would the world be different if the Russians won the Moon Race? For a while. The secrecy and ensuing propaganda would have the world thinking Communism was superior to Democracy.

But NASA would have kept on schedule with its plans and continued the exploration of the Moon. America’s ambitious scientific missions would have put any Soviet moon science to shame. The Russians weren’t going for the science, just the fame of being first to the Moon.

Nearly 50 years later, only Americans have been on the surface of the Moon. The Chinese say they’re going back to the Moon in the next 10 years, while NASA looks to a Mars mission with the Moon as a possibility in 15-20 years. And Russia says they also want to go the Moon.

One thing is for certain, humans will one day again walk on the Moon as our nature is to explore, and outer space is the ultimate adventure.

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February 16, 2016 | The Loafer | Page 17

Celestial events in the skies for the week of Feb. 16th - Feb. 22nd as compiled for The Loafer by Mark D. Marquette.

After Valentine’s Day, anticipation grows for Easter Sunday, which was April 5th in 2015, and this year it is very early, March 27th. It all has to do with the Full Moon. The Moon is at full phase this Monday, and that is the kjl moon. The next Full Moon on March 23rd is the Pascal Moon, and sets the date for the Christian holiday. The date for Easter is the first Sunday after the first Full Moon that occurs after the Vernal Equinox (the 2016 first day of Spring is March 20).

Full Moon falls on Wednesday, March 23rd; thus Easter is Sunday March 27th. Enjoy the moonshine!

Tues. Feb. 16 The Sun enters the constellation Aquarius the Water Carrier, but astrology wrongly says the Sun is entering Pisces the Fishes,

a constellation ahead. Astrology is entertainment, no science.

Wed. Feb. 17 Directly north is the Big Dipper, standing on its three-star handle. As the night wears on, the Big Dipper will empty the contents of its four-star bowl over the landscape. These seven famous stars are just part of a much larger constellation, Ursa Major, the Great Bear. The “asterism” of seven stars is called The Plough in Europe, as it resembles the farm implement.

Seeing it stand on end is a sure sign of springtime in the near future!

Thurs. Feb. 18 On this 1930 date in astronomy history, Clyde Tombaugh discovered “Planet X” on photographic plates after two years of intense searching. Called the

ninth planet Pluto until 2006, it is now classified as a “dwarf planet,” joining another dozen objects its size and larger that in a distant region called the Kuiper Belt. And in that Kuiper Belt of left-overs, astronomers are saying there might be a new “Planet 9.” We’ll soon find out…

Fri. Feb. 19 The pre-dawn sky around 5 am has the planets Saturn and Mars are on either side of red star Antares as constellation Scorpius stands tall over the eastern horizon. By 6 am Venus has cleared the horizon and is

visible almost in daylight when you know where to look.

Sat. Feb. 20 On this 1962 date in space history, John Glenn became the first American to orbit Earth in space, his three orbits in the Mercury spaceship making him a national hero. The 92-year-old former US Senator also spent nine days aboard the Space Shuttle Discovery in 1998 at age 77, still the oldest human to travel in space.

Sun. Feb. 21 Orion and Gemini dominates the late winter night. There are several deep sky wonders to see in Orion, even with binoculars, including the Great Nebula, or M-42, in the hunter’s dagger that dangles from his belt of three bright stars.

Mon. Feb. 22 On this 1966 date in space history, the Soviet Union orbited two dogs in space for 22 days.

In 1978, the first Global Positioning Satellite (GPS) was launched.

And in 1996, Space Shuttle Columbia was launched on a mission with astronauts.

Page 18 | The Loafer | February 16, 2016

IN THEATRES NOW Box Office Top 10

In Theaters Now

“Pride and Prejudice and Zombies”

I clearly remember being intrigued when the 2009 novel “Pride and Prejudice and Zombies” was released. Even though the unique concept of such an idea caught my attention, the take on Jane Austen’s famous novel was soon forgotten by me. That is until now.

The novel, brought to the big screen as “Pride + Prejudice + Zombies” was on my must see list for 2016. The film is described as a comedy/horror, and that is a perfect description. The story depicts the Bennet sisters- Elizabeth (Lily James), Jane (Bella Heathcote), Kitty (Suki Waterhouse), Lydia (Ellie Bamber) and Mary (Millie Brady), and their life in upscale 19th century Great Britain where they live a life of luxury as expertly trained ladies in martial arts and weaponry. At the beginning of the film the sisters cross paths with Colonel Darcy (Sam Riley), who is himself a fighter of the undead.

In fact, Darcy is such an expert in fighting zombies he always carries a vial containing carrion flies as a way to detect the undead. Who knew? In fact, the zombie plague of Great Britain is so bad certain sections of the country have been quarantined as a way to keep the creatures at a distance. Other characters that become involved in the plot and with the sisters are Mr. Wickham (Jack Huston) who has a unique connection

Deadpool (2016) A former Special Forces operative turned mercenary is subjected to a rogue experiment that leaves him with accelerated healing powers, adopting the alter ego Deadpool.

Kung Fu Panda 3 (2016) Continuing his “legendary adventures of awesomeness”, Po must face two hugely epic, but different threats: one supernatural and the other a little closer to his home.

The Choice (2016) Travis and Gabby first meet as neighbors in a small coastal town and wind up in a relationship that is tested by life’s most defining events.

Pride and Prejudice and Zombies (2016) Five sisters in 19th century England must cope with pressures to marry wealthy gentlemen, as well as protecting themselves from a growing population of savage zombies.

The Finest Hours (2016) Hail, Caesar! (2016) The Coast Guard makes a A Hollywood fixer in the 1950s works to keep the stu- daring rescue attempt off the coast of Cape Cod after a pair dio’s stars in line. of oil tankers are destroyed during a blizzard in 1952.

The Revenant (2015) A frontiersman on a fur trading expedition in the 1820s Ride Along 2 (2016) As his wedding day apfights for survival after being mauled by a bear and left for proaches, Ben heads to Miami dead by members of his own with his soon-to-be brotherin-law James to bring down a hunting team. drug dealer who’s supplying the dealers of Atlanta with Star Wars: Episode VII product.

The Force Awakens (2015) Three decades after the defeat of the Galactic Empire, a The Boy (2016) An American nanny is new threat arises. The First Order attempts to rule the galaxy shocked that her new English and only a ragtag group of he- family’s boy is actually a liferoes can stop them, along with sized doll. After she violates a list of strict rules, disturbing the help of the Resistance. events make her believe that the doll is really alive.

IMDb.com to Darcy, Parson Collins (Matt Smith), who is seeking to marry one of the sisters, and Darcy’s aunt, Lady Catherine de Bourgh (Lena Headey), a notorious zombie killer with major influences in the country. Thus, we have awesome characters, an unusual set up, and zombies that can often talk, making for a fun adventure. The sisters not only have to fight for and

fight off various suitors, but are ready at a moments notice to draw swords to take down any approaching zombie. The humans of Britain are not only in a battle for their life, but for their country as well. I love how the story features prim and proper ladies, who could have stepped off the set of “Downton Abbey”, changing into well oiled fighting ma-

(02/13/2016)

chines. The film also features witty and wonderful dialogue, most of which comes courtesy of former Dr. Who Matt Smith.

In fact, as far as I’m concerned, Smith steals the film from the other actors and the rotting zombies. As one might expect, the film ends with a set up for a sequel and I surely hope there is one. If you are a fan of “The

Walking Dead” and the novels of Jane Austen, this mash-up is the film for you. However, if you are just a fan of just one of the aforementioned, give “Pride + Prejudice + Zombies” a viewing if for no other reason than to enjoy the smashing performance of Matt Smith.

Rated: PG-13

B+

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Slocumb Galleries hosting

31st ‘Positive/Negative’ national juried exhibition

The 31st annual “Positive/ Negative” national juried art exhibition is on display at East Tennessee State University’s Slocumb Galleries through March 4.

An awards reception will be held at Slocumb Galleries on Thursday, Feb. 18, from 5-7 p.m., with a lecture by juror Al Miner at 6 p.m. in the Ball Hall auditorium.

“Positive/Negative” features innovative contemporary art and current trends in visual art. By providing a consistent platform for dialogue, it promotes diversity, creative excellence and critical thinking within the campus and regional community.

Since 1985, exhibit organizers have ensured excellence and diverse perspectives by inviting jurors who are either artists themselves or curators from nationally respected art institutions.

Miner is both an artist and assistant curator of contemporary art at the Museum of Fine Arts in Boston. He has exhibited extensively and received such awards as the Young Artist Program Grant from the DC Commission on the Arts and Humanities in Washington, D.C., and two Artists’ Fellowships. He holds a master of fine arts degree in painting from Queens College, City University of New York, and a post-graduate certificate in museum studies from George Washington University.

The exhibit, reception and lecture are free and open to the public. Regular hours for Slocumb Galleries, located at 232 Sherrod Drive on the ETSU

campus, are MondayFriday from 9 a.m.4:30 p.m., with extended hours during receptions, Thursdays until 6 p.m. and by appointment.

For more information, contact Contreras-Koterbay at 423483-3179 or contrera@ etsu.edu. For disability accommodations, call the ETSU Office of Disability Services at 423-439-8346.

February 16, 2016 | The Loafer | Page 19

Page 20 | The Loafer | February 16, 2016

Sidewalks in the Sky

Lots of great things come out of Minnesota: Garrison Keillor, Prince, and the Mississippi River are but a few. It’s a neat place full of fine people, and it makes for a great trip if you take the time to visit. But Minnesota winters suck. True, I’m not from there, but I have seen Fargo, and I don’t need

to experience weather like you see in that movie to know that I wouldn’t like it. (The same goes for wood chipper encounters.) Heck, even the namesake rodents of the Gopher State know enough to skip out on the coldest months and hibernate the winter away. Following their lead, I only go there

during the summer.

However, Minnesotans find unique ways to cope with the cold besides playing hockey and dressing up in enormous parkas. Specifically, those who live and work in downtown Minneapolis have made it so they don’t have to go outside at all. Ever. They can go to their jobs, head out to lunch, get a haircut, and even get to a Twins game without so much

Sidewalks ...

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Contra Dance in Jonesborough!

The Historic Jonesborough Dance Society will hold a contra dance on Saturday, February 20, 2016 at the Jonesborough Visitors Center, 117 Boone Street. Admission to the dance is $7, $5 for HJDS members and $5 for full time students. A family package allows parents to bring all of their own children for a total of $15. All dances are smoke and alcohol free.

No partner is necessary. Families and children are welcome! A half hour contra dance workshop will be offered at 7pm.

Performing for this event will be the band Cailen Campbell from Asheville and George Paul from Blacksburg, VA. The caller is Terry Doyle from Morganton, NC. The dance on will run from 7:3010:30pm.

Terry Doyle is an accomplished caller who travels far and wide around the country to call contra dances. She is currently teaching at Western Piedmont Community College in Morgantown and is the

co-director of the Appalachian Folk School in Mountain City, TN. While teaching and calling contra dances, you’ll find Terry flat foot dancing on stage adding percussive rhythm sounds that accompany the music.

Cailen Campbell has been thrilling contra dancers all over the southeast and around the country for over a decade. His innovative, highly improvisational, lyrical fiddling has been heard in numerous acclaimed regional dance bands, including The Atomic City Rhythm Rascals, The String Beings, The Rocket Boys, The Gypsy Hicks, in addition to a dynamic duo with renowned Asheville area guitarist and banjo virtuoso David Brown. Campbell recently played with the Greasy Beans on behalf of the North Carolina Dance Theater at the Kennedy Center in Washington, DC. Cailen Campbell has been described as one of the most virtuosic and high-energy fiddlers in

February 16, 2016 | The Loafer | Page 21 the Southeast. As both a dancer and musician he is known for his stunning ability to improvise, cross time signatures and musical genres with ease, and for his brilliant self-expression. Cailen joined David Brown on guitar to play as Contraversial until last year when David became part of the very successful touring band, Rising Appalachia.

Last Summer, Campbell joined forces with George and Andy Pond, members of the Snake Oil Medicine Show, to dazzle the dance crowds in the Asheville area with incredible music. The Snake Oil Medicine Show started their bluegrass, hillbilly ragtime bop, reggae and experimental jazz journey in 1995 in the Boone, NC area. For many years, along with George’s wife Caroline and an assortment of other musicians, Snake Oil Medicine Show performed all over the world. These days, with small children at home, they are playing local and have found Cailen Campbell to be all about having fun playing for contra dances.

Joining Campbell is journeyman pianist and composer, George Paul. For years, Paul performed

with the Avant Gardeners, one of the premier contra and swing dance bands in the country. Their music consisted of American hybrid variety tunes, facile improvisations, and a range of performing styles from traditional swing, Celtic and old time. Recently, Paul toured with Fyrefly and left the dancers who attended A New Years Affair here back in January full of dance bliss and joy.

Contra dancing is a traditional form of American folk dance that evolved from the long ways country dances popular in English society centuries ago. Contra dance communities now thrive all over the country. There are websites that can direct you to contra dances in most states. The modern contra dances provide dancers of all ages and experience levels with the opportunity to smile, move, connect, flirt and create an evening of dance nirvana with each other. No previous dance experi-

ence is necessary. No fancy footwork is required. If you can walk and count to eight, you can contra dance!

Contra dances are community events. At almost any contra you will find people of all ages and all dance skill levels, from young to old, beginner to expert. Contra dancers form a very open and welcoming group of people. You can come alone or with others since it is a tradition to dance with a variety of partners throughout the night. It is perfectly acceptable for either a man or a woman to ask someone to dance. It’s a great way to make friends with someone they haven’t met before. You will find contra dancing a great way to make new friends.

For more information, contact event organizer, David Wiley, at 423-534-8879 or visit www.historicjonesboroughdancesociety. org and the Historic Jonesborough Dance Society on FB.

Page 22 | The Loafer | February 16, 2016

THINGS TO DO . . . . .

more information, please call (423) 245Pure by Choice: 1551 or (423) 343-1766 or visit www.

Purity Rally 2016 lamplighttheatre.com.

A Challenge for Sexual Purity Fire and Ice Chili Cook-Off in a Sex-Crazed Culture slated for MPCC “Pure by Choice” rings the theme February 20th, 2016 at Lamplight Theatre in Downtown Kingsport as students and adults alike gather for the 8th Annual area-wide Purity Rally.

Whether you have been through bad relationships in the past or are embarking on your first romance, Purity Rally 2016 will communicate the biblical perspective on sexual purity, while offering hope to those jaded by sexual sin.

In a culture desensitized to sexual immorality, Purity Rally 2016 will give a viewpoint of the boundaries outlined in scripture designed to protect the heart and body and that also serve to cultivate lasting marital relationships.

Hosted by Christian speaker and vocal artist, Billy Wayne, Purity Rally 2016 promises to be an energetic afternoon of praise and worship, candid gender break-out sessions, and an inspirational challenge. The afternoon will conclude with a ring ceremony for those who wish to participate.

This one-day conference is offered from 1:00 p.m. until 5:00 p.m. Don’t miss this opportunity as Billy Wayne challenges students through scripture, music, and real-life experiences as he focuses on critical sexual issues facing students today. Cost to attend this day conference is FREE, but a Love Offering will be taken. Seating is limited and advance registration is suggested but not required.

Purity Rings can be pre-ordered at a discounted rate for those wishing to participate in the ring ceremony. Purity Rally t-shirts and hoodies can also be pre-ordered at a discounted rate. Ring options and t-shirt design can be found online at www.lamplightheatre.com.

A limited supply of Rings and T-shirts will also be available at the conference.

General concessions will be available for purchase.

Mark your calendars for this creative worship encounter. We challenge you to experience Purity Rally 2016 on February 20th, at LampLight Theatre, 140 Broad Street Kingsport, TN 37660! For

Memorial Park Community Center, 510 Bert St., will offer a Fire and Ice Chili Cook-Off on Friday, Feb. 19 from 6-8 pm. Families are encouraged to participate. Entry fee is $2 person.

Participants will sample the chilis and participate in a trivia contest. A prize will be awarded to the trivia winner and for best chili. Ice cream will be served.

Pre-registration is required. Registration is open through Feb. 18 at Memorial Park Community Center, Monday through Friday 7-9 p.m. and Saturday 9 a.m.-5 p.m..

For more information, please call (423)434-5749.

Academy Application Available The Johnson City Police Department is accepting applications for the 45th session of the Citizen’s Police Academy.

The first session is scheduled for Monday, April 25,2016.

The nine-week academy is designed to develop a better understanding and awareness of the police role in the community through a hands-on approach.

Participants must be at least 21 years old, physically able to meet training requirements, available to attend nine three-hour weekly sessions and one eight-hour Saiurday session, available to ride with a patrol officer for two eight-hour shifts, sign required waivers and agreements, and have no criminal history.

Applications may be obtained from the Johnson City Police Department Community Services, 601 East Main Street. After 5 p.m., applications may be obtained from Johnson City Police Records at the same address. Applications can also be accessed on Johnson City’ s website at wwwi ohnsoncit)’tn. org/police.

Deadline for registration is April 15, 2016. Applications must be returned by that date for processing.

Northeast State welcomes author/entrepreneur

Odell Bizzell

Northeast State is delighted to welcome noted author, blogger, entrepreneur, and speaker Odell Bizzell to campus on Feb. 18 to share his story of success and passion.

Through his interactive training entitled “Refuse to Lose - 4 ways to Overcome Obstacles & Win the Game of Life,” Bizzell explains how individuals can learn how to “win” in every aspect of life. The event begins at 10:30 a.m. in the Auditorium (A202) at the College’s Blountville campus next to Tri-Cities Regional Airport.

Bizzell’s brand of presentations are often referred to as ‘inspirational comedy’ since he both entertains and enlightens his audience with compelling and comical stories and inspirational anecdotes. His main premise is that life truly is a competition and the reason why most people do not achieve what they want is because they don’t recognize they are even in a battle. Bizzell not only helps his audience see the battle, but his unique presentations help them win.

While in high school Odell started a small candy retail distribution center that earned him over $75,000 while earning an academic scholarship to college. Bizzell has been featured in the USA Today, “Yahoo Finance,” “CNBC. com,” and over 200 media outlets. He’s also the author of four books and is a nationally recognized voice in perFor more information, call Glenda Aschenback at 434-6170.

MPCC to hold Irish Dance Class Memorial Park Community Center, 510 Bert St., will offer a four-week Irish Dance Class from 5:30-6:30 p.m. on Fridays beginning Feb. 26. Participants ages 8 and older will learn Irish dance steps and sequences like those seen on River Dance and Lord of the Dance.

Please dress in comfortable clothing.

Shoes can be Irish ghillies, ballet slippers, jazz shoes or tennis shoes.

Class fee for the four-week session is $35. Pre-registration is not required.

For more information, call (423)4345749.

severance training, self-mastery, and leadership. He has presented on the same stages as Super Bowl winning coach Jim Caldwell, Senior Political Advisor for the Obama administration Dave Axelrod, Dave Letterman, & Oprah Winfrey.

His message of purpose, self-mastery, and motivation coupled with his happy-go-lucky attitude makes him just as popular with audiences today as he was in high school. Since taking his story on the road in 2008, he’s reached students at more than 150 college campuses throughout the eastern United States.

The event is part of the College’s celebration of Black History Month.

For more information contact the College’s Office of Leadership Programs at 423.354.2474.

Country Breakfast at Fairview UMC Please join us and come hungry to Fairview United Methodist Church on Saturday, February 20th (3rd Saturday each month), to have a great country breakfast of bacon, fresh ground sausage, eggs, pancakes, gravy and biscuits and more! Cost is by donation. Located 5 miles from downtown Jonesborough going towards Fall Branch at 878 Highway 81 North.

Plenty of time to get there between 7:00 a.m. and 10:00 a.m. to enjoy the fellowship and food.

Hope to see you there.

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Pets Of The Week

February 16, 2016 | The Loafer | Page 23

Minnie is a year old Shepard Australian Cattle dog mix. She is one year old and spayed and up to date on all vaccines. Such a sweet and loving dog! So ready to be your buddy!

Remy is a one year old Shepard mix. He is neutered and up to date on all vaccines. He loves to run and play!

The Bridge Home has an ongoing aluminum can can collection in front of the shelter at 2061Hwy 75 in Blountville,TN 37617. The cans are collected by a volunteer and the money from the aluminum goes towards badly needed food and supplies for the animals The Bridge Home No Kill Animal Rescue recently moved in to their new 7,300 sq foot building @ 2061 Hwy 75 Blountville, TN,37617. The Bridge Home is a non profit 501(c)(3) organization established in 2002 dedicated to the welfare of homeless or abandoned animals. They provide care and compassion for stray and unwanted cats and dogs until they can be adopted into a forever home.

Every animal in their care is spayed or neutered and fully vaccinated before being adopted. Being a non profit the shelter is funded entirely by membership dues and private donations. They always need volunteers or monetary donations. Other always needed items:pet food, cat litter & cat toys dog treats & dog toys,paper towels, cleaners, office supplies,Purina weight circles.

Phone: 423.239.5237 Hours are Mon-Fri 12pm-6pm Sat 12pm-3pm and Sun 2pm-4pm. Website is www.bridgehomerescue@gmail.com or like them on Facebook: www.Facebook.com/bridgehome?fref=ts.

Adult softball registration under way

Johnson City Parks and Recreation is currently accepting registrations for spring adult softball. Leagues include: Men’s Open and Church; Coed Open and Church. Men’s leagues play a 14-game schedule (Tuesdays and Thursdays) with a single-elimination tournament. Men’s entry fees are $400 plus $5 for every nonCity resident. Coed leagues play a 10-game schedule (Mondays and Wednesdays) with a single-elimination tournament. Coed and Women’s fees are $300 plus $5 for every non-City resident. Entry fee, roster, and photo identification for each player must be turned in at the time of registration. Deadline for entries is April 4.

League play will begin the week of April 18. The coaches meeting will be held March 31 at 5:30 p.m. at the Winged Deer Park Athletic Tower. Registrations can be completed online at www.johnsoncitytn.org/parksrec and at the Winged Deer Park Athletic Office, 4137 Bristol Highway. Office hours are 8:30 a.m.-5:30 p.m., Monday through Friday. For further information, please call 283-5822.

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Sidewalks ..... continued from page 20 as a sweater. And this can be without having to navigate an underground mass transit system. They just use the Skyway.

The futuristic-sounding Minneapolis Skyway is a system of covered pedestrian bridges that links downtown buildings to one another at the second and/or third floor.

Clean and often carpeted, these above ground corridors allow residents and visitors alike to move easily around town in climate-controlled bliss. The system connects office buildings to hotels to restaurants to retail stores, by way of crossing streets (usually) at mid-block.

So far, since its creation in the

1960s, the Skyway has come to include 69 square blocks of the city’s urban core. This amounts to more than 8 miles of corridors and it continues to grow. The latest additions have brought into the fold both Target Field and the Target Center, homes of the Minnesota Twins and the Minnesota Timberwolves, respectively.

(Yes, Target comes from Minnesota too.)

Naturally, the Skyway was designed to make life easier during the long, cold winter – the average temperature in Minneapolis being a bonechilling 8°F. However, it has really become the default way

to get around downtown all year round. Businesses now have entrances (sometimes even primary entrances) on the second floor, right off the Skyway, relegating street fronts to a mere afterthought. It has actually gotten to the point where some of the locals have come to detest the system, as they feel it has given the downtown streetscape a feeling of sterility and emptiness.

I think it’s unique, innovative, and downright cool-looking. And come January, do you think those haters will be walking along those sidewalks in the sky with everyone else?

You betcha.

100 Songs ..... continued from page 12 take on this song that I think fits it particularly well. I just dig this one a lot. Simple as that.

“So What” — Miles Davis: “Kind of Blue” is one of the most influential records ever made, and still the best selling Jazz album of all time.

It’s a record that I always suggest to people who say “I don’t like Jazz” to me. “So What” opens the iconic album, an album I’ve had in my life since my senior year of high school. So much of “So What” is what led my years to pick up more and more Jazz albums, it’s a great starting point.

“Blister In The Sun”— Violent Femmes: Another one of those “You know this even if you think you don’t” songs, “Blister In The Sun” opens the beloved debut album from “acoustic punk” band Violent Femmes. Another one of those albums that I found during my most angst fill of times, I still remember being blown away hearing the song on Alt Rock satellite radio, then starting the manic search to track a copy of it down.

Oh, the early aughts.

“Better Git Hit In ‘Yo Soul”— Charles Mingus: One the mornings when I wake up not particularly enthused about life, this is what I listen to while I get ready. This gospel inspired upbeat Jazz tune, with Mingus doing church inspired call outs in the background, is the ideal thing to wake ones senses on a morning when you find you can’t

rally yourself to joy. One of my favorite of Jazz tunes.

“Autumn Leaves” — Nat King Cole: I bought a Nat King Cole box set when I was 20. It was used, fairly cheap, and in good shape. I bought it when I was building my music library and my jazz/standards collection. It’s a great set, but I’ve always have a soft spot for this tune since I first heard it. This was a popular choice for late nights of not sleeping during my early ‘20s as well. I could made a record all onto its own “Andy Ross’s Saloon Songs.”

“Take The “A” Train”—Duke Ellington: I wonder how many people today know of how much Duke Ellington is a part of the backbone of American music? He’s the reason Stevie Wonder wrote “Sir Duke,” and one of the most influential musicians to have ever lived.

Jazz as we know it wouldn’t be quite the same without him. This is one of Ellington’s most famed pieces, and it’s just essential to anyone who wants to know the history of American music.

“Watching The Detectives”—Elvis Costello: I love Elvis Costello so much I can’t quite properly state it.

He is in my top five favorite artist list, and his track off his debut “My Aim is True” is one of my most beloved of his songs. Invoking a 60’s spy/surf guitar sound, mixed with drums recored too “hot,” the song is a mishmash of every Film Noir

ever made, condensed down to about four minutes.

“The Passenger”— Iggy Pop: From The Godfather of Punk’s finest album “Lust for Life,” this tune—with David Bowie on backing vocals—was very loosely based on a poem by Jim Morrison. The distinctive guitar of the song has made it a popular tune used in numerous forms of media—as has the title track of the album it’s from— it’s Iggy in his prime, and an essential tune.

“Itchycoo Park”—The Small Faces: In the states I think The Small Faces are deeply under appreciated. In their native UK, they’re one of the most influential bands of the late ‘60s, massively influencing the Britpop sound of the ‘90s. It’s a perfect slice of psychedelic pop, and you if listen to the song in anything other than the original Mono mix, you’re doing yourself a great disservice.

“Cecilia”—Simon and Garfunkel: Who hasn’t sung along to this one in their car at the top of their lungs, regardless if they were off key or not? I honestly have a hard time NOT singing this one when I hear it, it’s great track from the duo’s final album.

There you have it, we have now talked about the first half of the songs on my list. More will come, but I don’t offer any timelines as to when that may be. See you next week

Page 26 | The Loafer | February 16, 2016

GADGETS FOR YOUR GADGET

I thought I was being a tad bit nerdy when I purchased a beanbag for my phone a few weeks ago. Yes, a beanbag for my phone.

And, why? For one thing, this neat little phone-sized beanbag was on sale for under $5.00, which meant it was a no-risk purchase. And, the other thing that clinched the sale is that I can now use the beanbag to prop my phone one when I am reading my news feeds at breakfast. Yes, I know we are told we shouldn’t read while eating, but I chose to ignore such advice. So, now I am the proud owner of a gadget for my gadget. And I’m sure my smartphone appreciates my concern for its comfort.

As I learned from reading a very interesting BuzzFeed column by Katherine Fiorillo, beanbags are just one among many product categories designed to heighten the thrill of owning a smartphone. In fact, Fiorillo describes twenty-one iPhone companion items in her column, “21 Genius iPhone Gadgets You Never Knew You Need.”

Ah, the genius of advertising— creating products we can’t live without (and then making us feel guilty if we don’t purchase them).

Let’s take a look at some of these must-have gadgets for our gadget.

First up is a gooseneck wall mount for your iPhone or tablet.

For a mere $48.oo you can install this mount on your headboard and then enjoy a hands-free iPad experience. Let’s just hope this little mount doesn’t let go at some point, causing a collision between phone and face. Supposedly, this little gadget, which costs nearly fifty bucks, will reduce the wrist, neck, and back pain that results from holding the phone for ex-

tended periods of time while lying on your back.

Want to turn your iPhone into a fan? If so, all you need is seven dollars and, of course, an iPhone.

This cool (pun intended) new item plugs into the charging slot and uses your iPhone’s battery to spin the fan.

According to the only user review that currently appears on Amazon, this cheap little gadget is “Cool (literally)—works great.” What more do you need to know?

If you are one of only three people who don’t find notifications extremely annoying, then you probably will want to invest a mere two hundred dollars to have a “Ringly Smart Ring” that lights up or vibrates when you get a notification.

Needless to say, there is a market for this sort of product among those of us who have more money than brains and need to be seen as cool (again, pun intended).

Eighty-eight dollars will get you a nifty little pocket projector that charges your iPhone while you thrill to projected images on a wall. Not only can you enjoy these 50” images but you can also accompany your slideshows with sound emanating from the projec-

tor’s little built-in speakers.

If you miss the alarm clock (the one with the big numbers) that used to sit beside your bed, you can purchase the Jonas Damon’s Alarm Clock for $40.00. When you place your phone inside this

little wooden cabinet and use the app, you get a retro alarm clock that reminds you of what it was like waking up without an iPhone “back in the day.” And you don’t have to worry about depleting your phone’s battery overnight, because you can thread your charger cable through an opening in the wooden cabinet.

Don’t like the smell of the room you happen to be in? For a mere

eight dollars, you can own the Scentee Smartphone Aroma Diffuser that uses an app and a little bulb-like device to release selected scents into the room—you can choose aromas like rosemary, coffee, lavender, roses, or strawberry. What will they think of next?

Don’t worry, they already have by the time you read this.

Tired of forgetting the combinations to those old-style padlocks?

Well, thanks to the folks at Quicklock, you can now say “there’s an app for that” and use your iPhone to remotely lock and unlock a digital padlock that looks and feels like the real thing, except for the screen. And you never have to remember a combination! It works with Bluetooth and for some reason costs $70.00. I suppose it’s difficult to put a price on safety.

I am especially intrigued by a gadget called the “Levin Giant+ 12000mAh Dual USB Port Solar Panel Charger,” which works with iOS and Android, as well as with those Gopro camera thingies.

Billed as being a charger for emergency situations, this thirty-two dollar gadget works after being “solar charged for 7 to 8hrs under normal sunlight.” I guess you’d better plan ahead for that emergency.

Right?

The product description on AmazonBusiness is not a model of literacy, however, which makes me wonder about the integrity of the product itself. Here is an excerpt to show what I mean: “Pro is with built-in Polymer battery, one of the safest battery in the world, wCompatible with hich are not possible to explode even overheated, but it might swell up.”

How comforting, and how so not proof-read. Maybe there is an app for that.

If you like to party a little too much, you will need the new fifty-

dollar Breathometer that fits into your iPhone headphone jack and tells you when you’ve had a little too much to drink. Of course, you need to be conscious enough to be able to use this thing before you do something stupid or dangerous.

The silliest item on this list is the twenty-five buck Tooks Headphone Beanie that is exactly what it sounds like—a ridiculous-looking beanie that is designed to hide your phone’s earbuds, along with your ears. Makes you look goofy while you’re listening to music.

Who wouldn’t want that?

How about an iPhone charger that is “disguised as a bracelet”?

Yes, for a mere twelve dollars you can attempt to fool people who apparently are overly-concerned about your charging your phone.

Now they will never know, and you can eliminate that form of anxiety from your life.

Yes, the era of projected keyboards has arrived. For one hundred and twenty bucks you can own a gadget that projects a lighted keyboard onto most any surface so you can type while using your phone. Spooky yet very practical. Yet another miracle brought to you by Bluetooth.

Last, and definitely not least (well, maybe), is Phonesoap’s handy little phone sanitizer, a sixty dollar gadget that “disinfects your phone while it charges.” Take a look at the product video and read the description: “Now you can augment your daily charge with a sanitizing process. With PhoneSoap, a charged phone is a clean phone.” The sanitizing case comes in white or black and is guaranteed not to damage your phone.

Don’t worry--despite the product name, no actual soap is used; inside the case you will see a pair of UV lights rather than suds. Looks like a little tanning bed for your phone. And it’s billed as “the only phone charger that cleans while it charges.” How unique. And how can we know if it actually works?

Is there a germ collector inside the case?

There you have it. A small list of gadgets for your gadget. No doubt many more are on the way. So, pardon me while I bring this column to an end and order that beanie headphone thing. My smartphone will thank me. I’m sure there’s an app for that.

See you next week.

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