The Loafer January 12th

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Mary B. Martin School of the Arts

Volume 30 • Issue #6 Publisher Luci Tate

SPRING SEASON

Editor Graphic Arts Director Don Sprinkle Cover Design Bill May Advertising Dave Carter Terry Patterson Lori Howell Beth Jinks-Ashbrook Don Stuck Contributing Staff Jim Kelly Andy Ross Ken Silvers Mark Marquette Brian McManus Joshua Hicks Brian Bishop Distribution Jerry Hanger Teresa Hanger Published by Pulse Publishing, LLC., P.O. Box 3238, Johnson City, TN 37602 Phone: 423/283-4324 FAX - 423/283-4369 www.theloaferonline.com info@theloaferonline.com e-mail: editorial@theloaferonline.com (editorial) adcopy@theloaferonline.com (advertising) All advertisements are accepted and published by the publisher upon the representation that the agency and/or advertiser is authorized to publish the entire contents and subject matter thereof.

The agency and/or advertiser will indemnify and save the publisher harmless from any loss of expense resulting from claims or suits based upon contents of any advertisement, including claims or suits for defamation, libel, right of privacy, plagiarism, and copyright infringement.

Founder: Bill Williams

happenings 4

From Hip to Hilarious

6

Anderson East & Ricky Skaggs this weekend at January Jams

7

Auditions for “The Adventures of Robin Hood”

8

Appalachian Trail at Carter Family Fold

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Civic Chorale to hold auditions

10

Elton John returning to Freedom Hall

11 The Buttermilk Girls at Heartwood 13

Foggy Valley Gang’s “Cabin Fever”

20 The Willow Tree celebrates with Big Daddy Love 21

Contra Dance begins 11th Year

music & fun 14

Spotlight - Great Music & Fun Times

24

Puzzle Page

columns & reviews 12

Batteries Not Included - A Little Dinner Music In The Night

16

Stargazer - The Surface Of An Alien World

17

Skies This Week

18

Screen Scenes - My Favorite Films of 2015

19 Trivial Traveler - All Rise for Night Court 22

Pets Of The Week

23

Mountain Movers - The Jim Perkins Interview

26

Kelly’s Place - “What’s In (And On) Your Fridge?”

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Spring season at ETSU School of the Arts spans physical, intellectual, emotional, musical, poetical While fall season at Mary B. Martin School of the Arts began with a loud “squonk,” the unique sounds of Squonk Opera, spring season will open with the mellifluous poetry and drama of revered writer W.B. Yeats.

Soon to follow in spring 2016 at ETSU’s School of the Arts will be the sounds of laughter, classic bluegrass and Latin-classical music, wordless theater, art experts in hot pursuit of a wily forger, drag queens and kings in vibrant performance and the peaceful passage of time in nature.

On a scale from “hip to hilarious,” Mary B. Martin School of the Arts will open its spring season on the more serious end of the arts spectrum, celebrating Nobel Prizewinning Irish poet and playwright WilliamButler Yeats – who would have been 150 in 2015 – with a two-day series of events, “For the Ear Alone: A Festival in Honor of W.B. Yeats.”

The festival, a collaboration with ETSU’s Department of Literature and Language and Department of Communication and Performance’s Storytelling Program, will feature five events some free, some ticketed. The festival begins with a free panel discussion “W.B. Yeats and the Poetic Drama” at 3:30 p.m., Wednesday, Jan. 27, in the Reece Museum.

Another p a n e l discussion “Yeats and Contemporary Poetry,” follows on Thursday, Jan. 28, at 3:30 p.m., again in the Reece Museum. The panel discussions will include readings and performance excerpts, since the panelists are performers and poets, themselves.

Two stage performances are festival highlights. Coole Lady: The Extraordinary Life of Lady Gregory – a one-woman memory play told by Yeats’ patron and collaborator Lady Augusta Gregory and portrayed by Irish actress Joan McCready – will unfold at 7 p.m. on Wednesday, Jan. 27 in ETSU’s Martha Street Culp Auditorium.

On Thursday, Jan. 28, at 7 p.m., In the Deep Heart’s Core: A Mystic Cabaret from the works of W. B. Yeats, a theatrical song

cycle of Yeats’ poems and stories from his autobiographical writings, written by ETSU storytelling professor Joseph Sobol, will be performed in Culp Auditorium. Immediately following the Thursday performance, A Terrible Beauty Is Born: A Yeatsian Slam will conclude the festival Thursday at 9 p.m. in Culp Auditorium, with readings, spoken word performances, music and open mic slots.

“The more I think about this festival the more I think how well it fits with what we do in the Mary B. Martin School of the Arts,” says Anita DeAngelis, director. “It’s poetry, it’s art, it’s music, it’s theater, it’s storytelling. It’s so many different things.

“It’s also important that we respond to the interests of our faculty members and, in this case, they very much wanted to celebrate Yeats and the anniversaries of his death and birth.”

The poetry slam and panel discussions are free and open to the public. Tickets for Coole Lady and In The Deep Heart’s Core are $10 general and $5 for students of all ages with ID. Special discounts will be available for tickets purchased for both stage performances.

Spring 2016 features three additional ticketed events, beginning with Jerry Douglas Presents The Earls of Leicester on Friday, Feb. 19 at 7:30 p.m. in Culp Auditorium. Thirteen-time GRAMMY® winner Jerry Douglas has arrayed his “all-star dream team” of bluegrass musicians to create The Earls of Leicester to perform the legendary music of Lester Flatt and Earl Scruggs. The group has already won a GRAMMY® for the 2015 Best Bluegrass Album with their debut self-titled recording.

“You expect a band of superstars to be fantastic, but these … guys go far beyond that superlative,” says David Morris in his Bluegrass Today review of the group’s self-titled and recently GRAMMY®-winning CD. The Earls include Douglas on Dobro, Shawn Camp on lead vocals and guitar, Barry Bales on bass and vocals, Charlie Cushman on banjo and guitar and Johnny Warren on fiddle. Bales is a Kingsport native, an ETSU alumnus and a former ETSU bluegrass faculty member. ETSU’s Bluegrass Pride Band will open the show. Tickets are $30 general admission, $25 seniors 60 and over and $12 for all students with ID. “We are thrilled to be able to schedule The Earls,” DeAngelis says, “and to be able to respond to a request from our Bluegrass faculty and students. They are sure to bring down the house.”

On Thursday, March 17, PUSH Physical Theatre will tumble, quite literally, into Culp Auditorium beginning at 7:30 p.m. Intensely athletic, gravity-defying and soulful, the award-winning PUSH Physical Theatre, moves audiences “from hilarity to awe,” says Casey Carlsen of Rochester’s City Newspaper with its physical storytelling of joy and

sorrow, humor and tragedy, in a combination of theater, comedy, acrobatics and dance.

While Yeats’ drama and poetry were meant to be heard, as well as seen, PUSH’s theater is storytelling using only bodies. “They’re really remarkable,” DeAngelis says. “It’s dance, mime, a little bit of theatre, visual storytelling, contortion.”

Tickets for PUSH are $25 general admission, $20 seniors 60 and over and $5 for all students with ID.

Dalí Quartet Dalí Quartet – on Friday, April 8 – will combine American classical conservatory virtuosity with Latin-American repertoire for “an extraordinary concert experience that takes listeners on an eclectic journey of rhythm and sound.” The Dalí concert will be held at 7:30 p.m. in First Presbyterian Church, 105 S. Boone St., Johnson City.

The Philadelphia-based quartet is composed of awardwinning solo and chamber artists who have appeared at Carnegie Hall and toured widely in Europe and Asia: Simón Gollo and Carlos Rubio on violins, Adriana Linares on viola and Jesús Morales on cello. Tickets are $20 general admission, $15 seniors 60 and over and $5 for all students with ID. “It’s important for us to bring in artists that are bridging different styles of music,” DeAngelis says, “and another opportunity to collaborate with the community, through outreach with Academy of Strings.”

Laughter, long known as “the best medicine,” will accompany the annual “An Evening of Health, Wellness and the Arts,” featuring comedian and 2015 America’s Got Talent runner-up Drew Lynch on Tuesday, Feb. 16, at 7 p.m. in

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Hilarious ..... continued from previous page Culp Auditorium.

Since suffering a vocal cord injury playing softball at age 20, Drew Lynch has laughed a lot, using the profound stutter that is a result of the injury to launch a comedy career. In the wake of his America’s Got Talent, Season 10, success, the endearing 23-year-old performer now is in the midst of a national tour. He will bring his humor and his story to ETSU – free of charge – for a special evening that crosses and connects disciplines, co-sponsored by the School of the Arts and the College of Public Health.

“It will be a fun evening and insightful, as well,” DeAngelis says.

“We will laugh with him and quite possibly be inspired by his positive approach to a difficult situation.”

A talk by Indiana-based sculptor and professor of art Joyce Ogden will offer insights that explore the human relationship to nature, time and space based on her own experiments with and observations of the evolution of time and natural elements. Her media include soil, sap, sand, seeds and pods, often from home region of Southern Indiana.

Her talk will be held Wednesday, March 2 at 7 p.m. in Ball Hall Auditorium and is free and open to the public. “Joyce juried the FL3TCH3R Exhibition this year,

and she does a lot of installation art that is very much influenced by environmental concerns,” DeAngelis says. “Her sculpture has a delicacy and naturalness about it, and it is not the kind of static sculpture we typically think of.”

Finally, the Mary B. Martin School spring season will also feature three more eclectic independent films from the South Arts Southern Circuit Tour of Independent Filmmakers – all free and followed by Q&A sessions and receptions with the filmmakers.

On Monday, Feb. 8, at 7 p.m., in Ball Hall Auditorium, filmmakers Sam Cullman and Jennifer Grausman will take the audience on an adventure in Art and Craft, pursuing Mark Landis, called one of the most prolific art forgers in U.S. history, and his story, which in recent months has been a subject of national news. Landis will also attend the documentary’s screening and be a part of the talkback.

“As a visual artist myself, I have issues with forgeries,” DeAngelis says, “but the way Landis is going about it is very different, so even if it makes some of us personally a little uncomfortable, it’s worth the conversation.”

Embers, a science fiction feature film, will be the second South Arts screening, on Monday, March 21 at 7 p.m. in Culp Auditorium.

PUSH Physical Theatre Embers interweaves the stories of five characters, who after a global neurological epidemic, are left to search for meaning and connection in a world without memory. Filmmaker Claire Carré will talk with audience members afterward.

“The cinematography in Embers is fabulous,” DeAngelis says.

“It’s also good to be able to screen a narrative independent film. We don’t see a lot of narrative film on the Southern Circuit.”

The last film of spring, Kings, Queens & In-Betweens, follows the personal stories of eight drag queens and kings and their troupes, inviting viewers into a conversation about the distinct differences between gender, sex and sexuality, as well as presenting the spectrum of male, female and trans-gender experiences.

“It’s a funny and often poignant

film,” DeAngelis says, “and gender identity is a significant topic right now, even on our own campus. I think this film will generate good discussion.”

The documentary will screen on Monday, April 25 at 7 p.m. in Culp Auditorium. Co-filmmaker Gabrielle Burton accompanies the film.

“Like our fall season,” DeAngelis says, “spring 2016 is rich in super-high-quality events with its share of the unexpected and unusual. We’re going to have a lot of fun this spring.”

Purchase tickets for Mary B. Martin School of the Arts events online at www.etsu.edu/martin.

For further information about spring events, please contact Mary B. Martin School of the Arts at 423439-TKTS (8587).

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4th Annual January Jams The Barter Theatre and the Abingdon Music Experience team up for the 4th annual January Jams Series. Grammy Award winning and nationally recognized artists will perform on Fridays and Saturdays during January. “The Barter Theatre is such a special venue, which offers a uniquely intimate concert experience with legendary musicians” explains Sara Saavedra, Special Events Coordinator for the ACVB. “The previous three years have been met with great reviews, and highlights Abingdon as a music destination for visitors and residents alike.” Brought to you in part by sponsors, Eastman Credit Union and Ecological Energy Systems.

Friday, January 15th

Anderson East with Annabelle’s Curse

If You Like: Ray LaMontagne, Sturgill Simpson, Jason Isbell, Shakey Graves, St Paul & The Broken Bones, Chris Stapleton Alabama is the birthplace of lots of great music, and the newest Alabama-native adding to the musical heritage is Anderson East. With a powerhouse voice that lies somewhere between Ray LaMontagne and Joe Cocker, East has been gaining fans all over the world on tour with Brandi Carlile, Sturgill Simpson and Jason Isbell.

This year “he released his debut album, Delilah, and it’s 32 glorious minutes of music. The ballads are smoldering amalgamations of soul and country, mellower in sound but not in emotion. The uptempo songs are impossible not to get off your ass and dance to. From the Solomon Burke-like soul of “Only You” and “Keep the Fire Burning” to the Wilson Pickett swagger of “Satisfy Me,” “Find ‘Em, Fool ‘Em and Forget ‘Em” and “Quit You,” you’ll be hard-pressed to find a more consistently enjoyable album released this year.” ~thewordbeat .com Saturday, January 16th

Ricky Skaggs & The Kentucky Thunder with Rob Ickes & Trey Hensley

If You Like: Bluegrass, Marty Stuart, Bruce Hornsby, Ry Cooder, John Prine.

A life full of music. That’s the story of Ricky Skaggs. By age twenty-one, he was already con-

Ricky Skaggs sidered a “recognized master” of one of America’s most demanding art forms, but his career took him in other directions, catapulting him to popularity and success in the mainstream of country music. His life’s path has taken him to various musical genres, from where it all began in bluegrass music, to striking out on new musical journeys, while still leaving his musical roots intact.

Ricky struck his first chords on a mandolin over 50 years ago, and this 14-time Grammy Award winner continues to do his part to lead the recent roots revival in music.

With 12 consecutive Grammynominated classics behind him, all from his own Skaggs Family Records label, the diverse and masterful tones made by the gifted Skaggs come from a life dedicated to playing music that is both fed by the soul and felt by the heart.

Rob Ickes & Trey Hensley This unique collaborative effort between two uniquely gifted musicians is bound to be a revelation to traditional music fans on several counts. Rob Ickes is a longtime,

well-established instrumental giant, and Trey Hensley is newly arrived in Music City, bursting with talent both as a vocalist and guitarist.

Trey grew up in Jonesborough, TN, and began playing when he was 10 years old, and landed on the Grand Ol Opry at the age of 11. When he was asked to record scratch vocals for Blue Highway, that’s when Rob Ickes became a fan. Rob Ickes has played with the well-known and loved bluegrass group, Blue Highway for over 20 years, and they decided to keep Trey’s vocals on the track, which was widely acclaimed when released.

Doors open at 7:15 and the shows will start at 8pm. Ticket prices will vary for each show.

Weekend and Series passes are available. For more information and tickets call Barter Theatre Box Office at 276-628-3991 or go online at www.bartertheatre.com. A complete lineup of the 2016 Abingdon Music Experience series can be found online at www.abingdonmusicexperience.com.

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Theatre Bristol Announces Auditions for

“The Adventures of Robin Hood” January 17, 18, 19 & 20

Roles are available for men, women and children in this tale of adventure!

Theatre Bristol announces January audition dates and details for the March production of “The Adventures of Robin Hood” at the ARTspace theatre. Veteran and novice actors are invited to audition January 17th at 2:30 PM, and 18th, 19th, and 20th at 6:30 PM at Theatre Bristol, 512 State Street, Bristol, TN. The auditions will consist of cold readings from the script, and a monologue. No preparation will be necessary. For updates please visit www.theatrebristol.org/audition.

Performances are scheduled for March 11, 12, 13, 17, 18, 19, and 20.

“The Adventures of Robin Hood,” a timeless tale of Robin Hood and his Merry Men, is a whimsical retelling of the folk fable about the outlaw/hero Robin of Locksley, whose mission it is to “steal from the rich to give to

the poor.” RobinHood, his merry band, and Maid Marian join forces in Sherwood Forest to foil the evil Sheriff of Nottingham and restore justice to the kingdom.

This lively and comical tale promises to be great entertainment for all ages. Directing will be Theatre Bristol veteran, Steve Baskett (Oliver, Cinderella, Sound of Music, Peter Pan, Anne of Green Gables, Miracle on 34th St, Les Misérables, Scrooge the Musical 2014 and 2015).

Anyone interested in being a part of the production crew may contact Theatre Bristol at info@ theatrebristol.org.

“The Adventures of Robin Hood” is written by Michele Vacca and is presented through special arrangement with and all authorized performance materials supplied by On Stage! PO Box 25365 Chicago, IL 60625. www.classic-

sonstage.com For reservations please check www.theatrebristol.org for a link where you can purchase tickets on-line. Tickets for all performances are $12 for adults, $10 for students and senior citizens (over 60).

Founded in 1965, Theatre Bristol is the oldest continually running children’s theatre in northeast Tennessee and now proud to start its 51st season. Its Main Stage season consists of up to five productions.

Some of its performances take place in the ARTspace, a multipurpose, black box theatre which seats up to 120.

Theatre Bristol is entirely volunteer run and we invite you to get involved. For more information, visit the Theatre Bristol’s website or Facebook page, contact Theatre Bristol at 423-212-3625, or email info@theatrebristol.org.

Appalachian Men’s Ensemble Seeking New Members Appalachian Men’s Ensemble (AMEn) invites male singers to join them for their 2016 spring concert season. The choir rehearses from 7:00-9:00 p.m. every Tuesday at Munsey Memorial United Methodist Church, 201 E Market St, Johnson City. Rehearsals resume on January 19.

Interested singers should contact AMEn at AppalachianMensEnsemble@gmail.com for more information and to schedule an audition.

AMEn is an all-male vocal ensemble of auditioned voices from throughout the greater Tri-Cities area. The group is dedicated to performing a wide range of choral repertoire – both sacred and secular – from the late Middles Ages to the present. AMEn’s programming and presentation of music is vast and varied, featuring a ca-

pella pieces, accompanied songs, rock and pop arrangements, and classical works from a variety of cultures. AMEn is unique in its formation and execution, representing one of the few American male choral ensembles of its size to perform music of such a demanding caliber while also programming popular arrangements and famil-

iar standards. AMEn was founded in the fall of 2014. Dr. Alan Stevens is the Artistic Director. Stevens is also currently the Associate Director of Choral Activities at East Tennessee State University.

Concert updates and additional information about can be found at: www.Facebook.com/AMEnEnsemble

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Appalachian Trail at Carter Family Fold

Saturday, January 16th, 2016, at 7:30 p.m., the Carter Family Fold in Hiltons, Virginia, will present a concert of traditional bluegrass music by Appalachian Trail. Adult admission to the concert is $10, $1 for children 6 to 11, and under age 6 free.

Appalachian Trail is a union of seasoned and innovative singers, songwriters, and musicians who are breaking new ground in the bluegrass arena. Ireland, Scotland, England, Russia, Sweden, Canada, Holland, and Switzerland are some of the countries that have hosted the talents of the individuals in this band, as well as coastto-coast here at home. Formed in 1984, the band combines strong lead vocals, tight harmonies, and distinctive picking. Original members Linda Lay and Carson Cooper were traveling to their first

show and did not have a name for the band when they saw a sign that read “Appalachian Trail” and decided on that until they thought of something better. The name was fitting and has stood the test of time - 30 years later, the band is still burning new trails in the bluegrass arena. This band helped cultivate the careers of the likes of Adam Steffey, John Bowman, Becky Buller, and countless others. Currently based out of northeast Tennessee, the band performs mostly at local venues as current members have fulltime careers in other professions.

Tommy Austin is no stranger to the bluegrass community. He started playing guitar and singing with his mother in church growing up in Fall Branch, Tennessee.

After hearing Jim McCamey play, he moved to the mandolin when

he became interested in the bluegrass sound. Through the years, he has played in several bands including the Horsecreek Mountain Boys, Clear Creek, the Rising Wind, Limited Edition, Tennessee Skyline, and the Hopsons. Currently he sings lead and harmony, plays mandolin, and shares the songwriting and arranging with the other members of Appalachian Trail.

Vickie Austin began singing at an early age with her dad in church. At age 13, she was given an old upright piano for her birthday. She sang with her sister for many years and eventually discovered a love for the bluegrass sound. Vickie sang and played bass for Twin Springs Bluegrass Band and eventually joined her husband in Appalachian Trail.

She developed an extensive vocal

range and honed her skills on the upright bass. Vickie plays bass for the group and sings lead and harmony vocals.

Allen Hughes has played guitar with Appalachian Trail for six years. A life-long love of music became apparent to his family, when, at the age of four, he declared he wanted to be “Johnny Cash” when he grew up. Traditional country, especially Merle Haggard, has been a big influence to him. As a teenager, he was introduced to, and took lessons from G.C. Matlock in Jonesborough, Tennessee.

Soon after, he played with several friends from college in the band Blue Ridge Tradition. While playing jams at festivals, the back room of the Down Home, the Chuck Trading Post, and the Rheatown Store, he met his friend and band mate, Tommy Austin. Their first

musical experience began in the late eighties in the band, the Rising Wind. Their friendship and music has grown over 25 years. He lends his vocals to several songs on lead, baritone, and bass. His distinctive style sets him apart from most guitar players .

Glen Rose has been playing the banjo since the age of 10 and was inspired by his cousin Buddy Rose who gave him lessons. Other influences include Earl Scruggs, J.D. Crowe, Carl Jackson, and countless others. Glen has played with several groups through the years and at an early age of 14, Glen and his brother John performed as special guests of Lester Flatt on the Grand Ole Opry. He has been

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a part of the ETSU Bluegrass Band while working on his BS degree in computer science. He has appeared on several albums over the years and has his own solo banjo instrumental album. In his spare time, Glen teaches guitar and banjo.

Joining Appalachian Trail on fiddle will be Ashley Davis. Ashley is well-known and loved by Fold audiences. A tremendous bluegrass and old time fiddler, she’ll keep the audience up on the dance floor.

For some of the best traditional bluegrass music around, don’t

miss Appalachian Trail at the Carter Family Fold! For additional information on the group, check out their web site – http://www. appygrass.com/. Vickie has been playing on the Carter Fold stage since she was a little girl, and Appalachian Trail has performed many times over the years. The Fold is always proud to welcome them back.

Shows from the Carter Family Fold can be accessed on the internet at http://www.carterfoldshow.com. For recorded information on shows coming up at the Fold, call 276-386-6054.

The Civic Chorale to hold auditions for spring 2016 The Civic Chorale, the region’s leading independent auditioned choir, will hold auditions for new members on Thursday, January 14, in the choir room of Munsey Memorial United Methodist Church, at the corner of Roan and Market Streets in Johnson City, where the group rehearses.

There will be two concerts in the spring semester: March 19 is a joint concert with the Milligan College Orchestra, Milligan College Choir, and East Tennessee Children’s Choir. Each choir will sing selections on their own, and then will join forces for several to present the Stabat Mater by contemporary British composer Cecilia McDowall. April 23, the Chorale joins with Voices of the Mountains and Symphony of the Mountains in presenting Testament of Freedom by American composer Randall Thompson, and Dona Nobis

Pacem by J. S. Bach.

The Chorale anticipates the following numbers of openings, by section: Alto 2-3, Tenor 4-5, and Bass 3-4. The soprano section is presently full. Ideal candidates are singers with good sight reading skills who love choral music.

Interested singers should contact the conductor, David Hendricksen at (423) 638-0409 or by email at <conductordavid@embarqmail.com> in order to schedule an audition appointment time for January 14. Auditions are private and short (about 15 minutes), and involve singing a familiar piece, sight reading, and some simple vocal exercises to check pitch and dynamic range, control of vibrato and general vocal production.

The Civic Chorale was founded in 1973 by Robert LaPella with a small group of invited singers and Jane LaPella as the gifted accom-

panist. Over the years, the group has grown to become the region’s premiere auditioned volunteer chorus. In addition to singing the standard choral repertoire from Gregorian chant to modern compositions, the Chorale has presented numerous world and regional premieres and frequently collaborated with other music organizations in the region, including the Symphony of the Mountains, the Johnson City Symphony Orchestra, and the East Tennessee Children’s Choir.

Since 1998, the Chorale has been led by conductor David Hendricksen. Accompanists are Lisa Runner, piano, and David Runner, organ. For additional information, visit the Chorale web site atwww. thecivicchorale.org or contact the conductor by phone at 423-6380409 or by email at conductordavid@embarqmail.com

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Elton John returning to FHCC Elton John and his band return to Johnson City, Tennessee for the first time in four years for one performance at the Freedom Hall Civic Center on Friday, March 11, 2016 at 8 pm as part of a nine-city concert tour that will feature iconic hits and classic album tracks from throughout his incredible fivedecade career, as well as selected tracks from his upcoming album Wonderful Crazy Night.

The public on-sale will begin

Friday, January 15 at 10 a.m.

“The simple truth is I want to spend more time with my family and less time touring,” said Elton.

“I am all too aware of how precious the time ahead is. My sons are growing up so quickly. Their early years are just flying by and I want to be there with them. This concert will give me a chance to say thank you to my fans here who have been so faithful over the decades. It’s always important for me to bring my music to everyone.”

Elton John’s band features Nigel Olsson (part of Elton’s original

three-piece band) on drums, Davey Johnstone (who first recorded with Elton in 1971 and joined the band a year later) on guitar, John Mahon on percussion, Kim Bullard on keyboards and Matt Bissonette on bass.

One of the most successful artists on the road today, Elton and his band perform a concert you will never forget: the entire audience singing along to much-loved classic songs such as “Your Song”,

“Rocket Man”, “Bennie and the Jets”, “Philadelphia Freedom”, “Crocodile Rock”, “Don’t Let the Sun Go Down on Me”, and many more.

“We are thrilled to welcome the incomparable Elton John and His Band back to Johnson City’s Freedom Hall Civic Center for the first time in four years. We strive to create memorable experiences and I cannot think of a better one than this!” said Freedom Hall Civic Center’s Director, Lisa Chamness.

“This is such an exciting opportunity for the people in the four-state area to have access to one of mu-

sic’s most legendary performers in the world. Our intimate concert setting at Freedom Hall will make this a magical night not to be missed.”

The monumental career of international singer/songwriter and performer Elton John spans five decades. He is one of the top-selling solo artists of all time with 35 gold records and 25 platinum albums, 29 consecutive Top 40 hits, and he has sold more than 250

Photo by: Andrew Potter

million records worldwide. John holds the record for the biggest selling single of all time, “Candle in the Wind ’97,” which sold over 37 million copies. Since his career began in 1969, he has played over 4,000 concerts worldwide.

TICKETS ON SALE FRIDAY, JANUARY 15 AT 10AM Tickets will be available online at www.freedomhall-tn.com, the Freedom Hall Civic Center Box Office or charge-by-phone at (423) 461-4884.

A service charge is added to each ticket. There is an 8 ticket limit per customer.

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The Buttermilk Girls Featured at Heartwood

The Crooked Road: Virginia’s Heritage Music Trail presents the Buttermilk Girls in concert on Thursday, January 14th from 6:30 to 8:00 p.m. at Heartwood in Abingdon, VA. This youth music concert is part of The Crooked Road Music Series at Heartwood.

Beth Miller and Maggie Gatley form the Buttermilk Girls. Seventeen year-old Beth Miller of Big Stone Gap, VA, is widely known for her songwriting and musical talents. Beth was recently awarded the top prize in the Virginia-Kentucky District Fair Youth Talent Contest and was a finalist in the Gathering in the Gap Songwriting Contest. Maggie Gatley, fifteen, of Kingsport, TN, is an award-winning fiddle player and vocalist.

The two met at Mountain Empire Community College’s Mountain Music School and have being playing together for several years.

The Crooked Road Music Series takes place each Thursday at Heartwood. The series features youth music performers each 2nd Thursday and showcases venues of The Crooked Road region each 4thThursday. These events, along with open jams on the 1st,

3rd, (and 5th) Thursday of every month showcase Southwest Virginia performers. The Crooked Road Music Series is sponsored

by The Crooked Road with support from Heartwood, Virginia Commission for the Arts and the National Endowment for the Arts.

Heartwood: Southwest Virginia’s Artisan Gateway is located off I-81 at Exit 14 in Abingdon, VA, and features food, music, and craft

Photo by: Amy Greear of Southwest Virginia. Admission to the concert is free and donations will be accepted for Crooked Road Traditional Music Education Program (TMEP).

More information can be found at The Crooked Road website, www.thecrookedroad.org, and at www.heartwoodvirginia.org. For additional information, please call (276) 492-2409 or email:info@ thecrookedroad.org.

KTG has THREE exciting shows coming up!

January 14, 15, 16 KTG: Downtown

fair. Instead of writing it off as a one-night stand, the pair decide to meet at the inn every year for a “AFTER.” When a wrongfully impris- romantic retreat, away from their oned man is exonerated by DNA respective spouses and families. evidence after seventeen years in In the decades that follow, both prison, he is forced to re-assimilate George and Doris face their own into a cold, foreign world of tooth- personal struggles and hardships, brush shopping, doggy day care, and together they develop a level and a friendship with an anxious of love and intimacy that exceeds young woman with secrets of her the ones found in their own marown. WARNING: For mature au- riages. diences ONLY due to extreme lan- March 11-20 KTG: Mainstage guage February 11, 12, 13 “13 The Musical” KTG: Downtown Geek. Poser. Jock. Beauty Queen.

Wannabe. These are the la“Same Time, Next Year” bels that can last a lifetime. Evan In 1951, at a small California inn, George (Eric Hyche) and Goldman is plucked from his fast Doris (Angie Hyche) have an af- paced, preteen New York City

life and plopped into a sleepy Indiana town following his parents divorce. Surrounded by an array of simpleminded middle school students, he needs to establish his place in the popularity pecking order. Can he situate himself on a comfortable link of the food chain or will he dangle at the end with the outcasts?!

With an unforgettable rock score from Tony Award-winning composer Jason Robert Brown, (Parade, The Last Five Years, Bridges Of Madison County) 13 is a musical about fitting in - and standing out!

For tickets call (423) 392-8427 or visit kingsporttheatre.org.

January 12, 2016 | The Loafer | Page 11

Page 12 | The Loafer | January 12, 2016

A Little Dinner Music in the Night

I had family in from out of town not too long ago. Rare those these moments are, they are occasions and result in a family dinner of which attendance is not optional.

It was a relation and her husband who had traveled far to join us.

Historically, I don’t get along well with the husband, the relation I love dearly, but the person they are married to tends to grate me. It’s a little known secret in family that if the day comes he causes me to Hulk out on him, all are to just step back and let it happen.

Any family dinner with the far flung relations brings a certain expectation. Expectations that you

will be asked the same questions they ask you every time they see you. “What are you doing now?

Are you still single? Why are you still single? Have you dated anyone this year? Why not get married?” As my contempt for these questions have grown over the years, my new stock response to say, depending on who is asking “How many times have you been divorced?”

This dinner came with a few quirks to this equation, for the relative I love is genuinely interested in my life, and their husband could care less. The feeling is mutual. What was served at the fam-

ily dinner is irrelevant, you know what these things are like. You sit there making quiet conversation while eating and catching each other up on your respective lives.

In the back on your mind you say over and over again like a mantra “Please God, don’t let anyone mention politics.”

The table configuration was such that I was seated at one end of the table, with the husband at the other end, I had a clear line of sight to the spectacle. The Husband was dressed from head to toe in a black track suit, with dark tinted glasses on. He was looking something like Guy Fieri on his day off.

The food was served to all, and the meal began. Simple conversation, everyone eating at their own pace, glasses of tea being refilled with frequency.

A good fifteen minutes had passed when I began to noticed something. A sound, a groaning kind of “Hunh” sound. This sound was then followed a second or two later with throat clearing.

The throat clearing was then followed by “ummm,mmm,hmmm, haruk-plah!” Coughing followed that, with heavy breathing mixed in with all of it as it began to cycle itself over and over.

The sounds were coming direct from the husband of the relation.

Sometimes the cycled changed itself up a bit. All these noises com-

ing as he kept shoving food into his mouth. Words soon entered as he would sometimes say “I’m choking, I’m getting choked!” I couldn’t help but stare at the sight as this was a series of moans, groans, and low guttural nosies that made me feel like I was watching a video on my computer with the browser’s incognito mode turned on.

“Could I get away with hitting him full force on the back with a frying pan?” I wondered, as all at the table slowly stopped eating and gave their full attention to the pathetic sounding beat box at the end of the table. “Give me some tea, give me some tea!” the husband desperately pleaded as his glass was filled and he guzzled nearly the whole thing down. Taking the glass way from his mouth came more sounds. “Glahuck-Ha! Braguagh!” followed by more coughing. Setting the glass down, the husband looked at my mother and said “It’s all good, the food’s real good.”

Following the meal, the husband stretched himself out in a recliner in the living room. We all assumed the sounds were over, but that was a mistake. Some type of post meal digestive noises began to be emitted “Bra-hun-unh-unh-unh-unhunh.” Being repeated over and over, about for times with five second breaks between them. The relation informed us that the husband does this at every meal. I excused myself from the room, and went to get away from it in the basement of the house.

Usually family dinners are more about just trying to get along than catching up with one another. Never would I imagine a family meal would come with it’s own borderline pornographic soundtrack.

Frankly, I’m not sure I’ll ever be able to be in the same room with the husband ever again. Certain things can not be un-seen, or unheard. See you next week.

www.theloaferonline.com

LampLight Theatre’s favorite comedy crew is back with another preposterous production.

The drollery antics of the beloved Foggy Valley Gang will grace the stage in a new production during the month of January at LampLight Theatre on Broad Street in Kingsport, TN. This wintry themed spectacle finds the Foggy Valley Gang abandoned by an avalanche in route to their concert destination at Snowflake Lodge.

Close quarters, lack of amenities, and high tempers are sure to cause “Cabin Fever” to break out.

Unbeknownst to the gang, a couple of dimwitted escaped convicts are hiding out in the snowbound, abandoned cabin. These numskull escapees are pursued by a mountain man turned bounty hunter, E.S. Crankshaw. Crankshaw’s expert tracking leads him to the deserted cabin where he encounters the Foggy Valley Gang.

While warding off the advances of Cleopha Blair and Flo Rakestraw,

January 12, 2016 | The Loafer | Page 13

Foggy Valley Gang’s “Cabin Fever” A New Wintry Farce

Crankshaw is recognized as a long lost nephew who never returned from a hunting trip. Singing diva, Willa Lovewright, and condescending family nephew, Nydifer Blair, dismiss the mountain ogre as a hoaxster. Spoolie and Mama Goodin are determined to find out the truth behind Crankshaw’s misfortune. As the family reminisces, dark secrets are revealed and Crankshaw confesses why he never wanted to come back to Foggy Valley.

E.S. Crankshaw deputizes Otis Purdy and Clovis Bodine. He also enlists the help of daughter, Ura Goodin, and family friend, Rev. Clyde T. Humperdink, to catch the escaped criminals. Schemes are made. Traps are set. With their concert only 2 days away, the family has to work with Crankshaw to catch the bumbling convicts and trudge their way to Snowflake Lodge to perform.

You are sure to “break-a-sweat” with laughter as this troupe of

buffoons fight for survival from the bitter elements, rollicking jailbirds, and themselves.

Don’t miss this fool-headed comedy with a revelation of truth that will warm the coldest of hearts.

“Cabin Fever” will be presented every weekend, January 15 through February 7, at LampLight Theatre at 140 Broad Street in Kingsport, TN. Nightly performances will be at 7:00 p.m. on Fridays and Saturdays, Matinees on Saturdays at 2:00 p.m. and Sun- $5 Students, and FREE for children days at 3:00 p.m. Doors will open 5 and under. one hour prior. Admission is a For reservations and informasuggested donation of $10 Adults, tion, please contact the LampLight

box office at (423) 343-1766, Monday through Friday from 9 a.m. to 5 p.m. or online at www.lamplighttheatre.com.

Page 14 | The Loafer | January 12, 2016

PORCH 40

at David Thompson’s Produce 7pm

NIGHTSHIFT

BIG DADDY LOVE DANGERMUFFIN

DOWNTOWN COUNTRY

RANDY & THE LUGNUTS

CATFISH FRYE BAND

- WEDNESDAY - Jan. 13th CHRIS LONG

- SATURDAY - Jan. 16th RANSOM MCCOY SOMETHING COUNTRY

- TUESDAY - Jan. 12th RANDY & THE LUGNUTS at Acoustic Coffeehouse at Jiggy Ray’s 6:30pm

at 50Fifty Sports Tavern (Country, Southern Rock, Oldies) at The Family Barn 7:30pm at Acoustic Coffeehouse

at The Willow Tree Coffeehouse & Music Room 8pm (Rockin’ Boogie Blues) at Holiday Inn (Exit 7)

SOUTHERN SOUND

THE PAISLEY FIELDS

at The Family Barn 7:30pm

(Classic Country & Southern Rock) at Country Club Bar & Grill

OPEN MIC

at JC Moose Lodge 8pm

at Acoustic Coffeehouse

at Acoustic Coffeehouse at O’Mainnin’s Pub

THE PLUM SMUGGLERS

at WoodStone Deli

MAGNOLIA MOTEL

- THURSDAY - Jan 14th LIVE MUSIC

at Bone Fire Smokehouse

INSIGHTS AMERICAN GONZO FALLOIR at Capone’s

FARMER & ADELE at Down Home

RYAN WARD (Indie)

at O’Mainnin’s Pub 10pm

OPEN MIC

at Acoustic Coffeehouse 8pm

- FRIDAY - Jan. 15th THE IMPALAS

at Jiggy Ray’s 7pm

at The Mecca Lounge 9pm

PREZZENCE at Capone’s

THE DIRTY BADGERS

APPALACHIAN TRAIL at Carter Family Fold

- SUNDAY - Jan. 17th OPEN JAM

JASON EDWARDS

at The Family Barn 1pm

HELLO STRANGER

at Bone Fire Smokehouse

at Jiggy Ray’s

at Down Home

LIVE MUSIC

at Bone Fire Smokehouse

RICKY SKAGGS & THE KENTUCKY THUNDER w/ ROB ICKES & TREY HENSLEY

at Barter Theatre January Jams BAKERSFIELD (Alt. Country, Outlaw Country, Texas Honky Tonk)

LIVE MUSIC

FOLKROLLN DEREK ASTLES at Acoustic Coffeehouse

- MONDAY - Jan. 18th GEORGE JOHNSON & THE CHURCH HILL GENTLEMEN

at Bristol’s Pickin’ Porch

OPEN MIC

at Acoustic Coffeehouse

BLUEGRASS JAM

at Hardee’s (Boones Creek)

BAKERSFIELD (Alt. Country, Outlaw Country, Texas Honky Tonk) at Yee Haw Brewing Co. 7pm

BLUE HIGHWAY w/ THE LOOSE STRINGS BAND

at Kpt Renaissance Arts Center Theatre

AGAINST THEIR WILL at Capone’s

SOUTHERN SOUND

(Classic Country & Southern Rock) at Country Club Bar & Grill

ANDERSON EAST ANNABELLE’S CURSE

at Barter Theatre January Jams

WEDNESDAY

Karaoke w/ Southern Sounds Karaoke at American Legion 8pm Karaoke At Bristol VFW - BTN Turn the Page Karaoke At VFW Post 2108 - JCTN ***********************

THURSDAY

Karaoke At Numan’s - JCTN Karaoke w/ Southern Sounds Karaoke at Macadoo’s 8pm Karaoke At Holiday Inn - JCTN Karaoke w/ Absolute Entertainment At Everette’s Bar & Grille - JCTN Karaoke At Bristol VFW ***********************

FRIDAY

KaraokeAt Bristol VFW - BTN Karaoke w/ Southern Sounds Karaoke at Sportsman’s Bar & Grill 9pm Karaoke w/ Reverb Karaoke at The Cottage 8:30 pm Turn the Page Karaoke at VFW Post 2108 - JCTN Karaoke At Elizabethton VFW Karaoke w/ DJ Marques At Holiday Inn (Exit 7) - BVA Karaoke At Numan’s - JCTN *********************** Turn the Page Karaoke at VFW Post 2108 - JCTN Karaoke At Numan’s - JCTN Karaoke at Bristol VFW Karaoke w/ Absolute Entertainment At Macado’s - Kingsport ***********************

at Bone Fire Smokehouse

at Down Home

TUESDAY

Karaoke At Numan’s - JCTN ***********************

SATURDAY

TIME SAWYER

APPALACHIAN TRAIL

KARAOKE

CATFISH FRYE BAND

Saturday, Jan 16th • Holiday Inn (Exit 7)

SUNDAY

Karaoke w/ Absolute Entertainment At Everette’s Bar & Grille - JCTN ***********************

www.theloaferonline.com

Spotlight Directory

50 Fifty Sports Tavern 2102 N. Roan Street Johnson City Acoustic Coffeehouse 415 W Walnut St. Johnson City 423/434.9872 Bristol’s Pickin’ Porch 620 State St Bristol 423/573-2262 Capone’s 227 E Main St Johnson City 423/928-2295 Carter Family Fold 3449 A. P. Carter Hwy Hiltons VA 276/594-0676 Country Club Bar & Grill 3080 W State St Bristol 423/844-0400 David Thompson’s Produce 251 Highway 107 Jonesborough 423/913-8123 Down Home 300 W. Main St. Johnson City 423/929-9822 Family Barn 15559 Lee Hwy Bristol VA Holiday Inn (Exit 7) 3005 Linden Dr Bristol Va 276/466-4100 Jiggy Ray’s 610 E. Elk Ave Elizabethton 423/ 518-1500

Johnson City Moose Lodge 1801 W. Lakeview Dr. Johnson City 423/926-6400 Kingsport Renaissance Center 1200 E Center St Kingsport 423/392-8415 Kosher Pickle 3900 Bristol Hwy Johnson City 423/ 979-7000 The Mecca Lounge 117 Spring St Johnson City 423/928-9360 Wellington’s Restaurant Carnegie Hotel 1216 W State of Franklin Rd Johnson City 423/979-6400 Willoughby Ruritan 5145 Marvin Rd Bulls Gap VA The Willow Tree Coffeehouse & Music Room 216 E Main St Johnson City Woodstone Deli 3500 Fort Henry Dr Kingsport 423/245-5424 Yee Haw Brewing Company 126 Buffalo St. Johnson City

NIGHTSHIFT

Friday. Jan 15th • The Family Barn • 7:30pm

January 12, 2016 | The Loafer | Page 15

Page 16 | The Loafer | January 12, 2016

The Surface Of An Alien World This week celebrates 10 years since an alien world was brought before human eyes by a small robotic explorer that landed and sampled the local geology.

This exotic world is a million miles away, has a dripping surface humidity of 50 per cent in an atmosphere of mostly nitrogen and methane at an incredible minus -300 F. below zero.

The surface flows with methane rivers and glistens with super cold lakes of gasses that turn liquid and icy in the extreme cold of deep space.

On that surface at one ancient shoreline of a nitrogen-enriched lake are pebbles the size of billiard balls scattered among a surface that crunches on top and is slushy underneath—like a good crème brulee!

It was 10 years ago on Jan. 14, 2005 that mankind got a close-up look at the atmosphere-shrouded Titan when the small robot Huygens landed on a lake shoreline of frosty methane at minus -290 F. below zero.

Huygens’s incredible photo of rounded rocks and a frozen lake of unfathomable liquid cold is a true iconic image of man’s exploration into the realm of alien worlds.

Built by the European Space Agency, Huygens was released from the Saturn orbiting spacecraft Cassini on Christmas Day, 2004, and took three weeks to get to Titan. Huygens rode piggyback under the huge, $1 billion Cassini built by NASA, which is still orbiting Saturn and likely to be kept working through 2017.

Titan is the second largest moon in the Solar System, at 3,201 miles it is larger than Mercury’s 3,032 width. Jupiter’s Ganymede is the largest at 3,270 miles in diameter.

The Cassini spacecraft was named

after the 17th Century astronomer who discovered the dividing gap in the middle of Saturn’s rings in 1675. And Christiaan Huygens was a contemporary of Jean-Dominique Cassini; Huygens being the first to see Titan in a telescope in 1655 and conjecture they were not solid.

The incredible journey of Huygens is available on the Internet at many locations like ESA or YouTube. Take the time to see a manmade object descend and land on an alien surface! As it descended beneath a parachute through the clouds that have shrouded Titan in secrecy, what was revealed was breathtaking to every planetary scientist.

Parachuting for four minutes, Huygens was built like a 3-foot wide, covered outdoor grill weighing 700 pounds. It was built tank tough and pressurized for anticipated rocks or liquids at the landing site.

Below the hoovering Huygens was a complex mountain range filled with flowing rivers and streams going into lakes. The site was similar to looking at aerials of the Appalachian Mountains with its copious waterways.

The lander Huygens only had enough power to last a few hours,

but that was long enough to beam back to mothership Cassini details of its landing. The orbiter was able to get 90 minutes of data before moving out of range, but unfortunately human error in a failed command cost the mission half the valuable descent images—350 frames—from the second side camera.

Huygens hit with a thud, bounced slightly and skidded a foot before rocking back and forth five times making an impression in the soft surface. The impact made a 5-inch depression and kicked up a cloud of dust containing organic aerosols that settled in four seconds.

The surface of the alien world Titan was analyzed by Huygens to be like crusty ice over snow. The impact was made a little slushy by the heat from the robot’s reentry shield/landing base. That heat stirred up vapor that put a drop of moisture on the camera lens. This super frozen methane is a solid, like snow, or a slushy liquid at the minus -250 F or more temperature.

Scattered in front of amazing, tiny Huygens were cream-sickle orange and icy pebbles rounded to six to two inches scattered on a wavy surface of deeper orange, a thing haze of methane filtering the

sunlight. The Sun looked like a car headlight in the fog at the other end of a football field; the surface brightness like late twilight on Earth.

What a way to end a 7-year, 2 billion-mile journey through outer space, from Earth to an alien world that has a great potential for life!

For more than a century, Titan has been known to have a thick atmospheric of organic chemicals conducive to life like a very infant Earth—if not at extremely cold temperatures at nearly 1 billion miles from the Sun. The atmosphere is so dense it hides the surface, revealed through breaks by the 100-plus passes of Cassini the last 10 years.

Titan is now a partially mapped alien world with 35 named lakes, seas and mountain ranges. More than 37,000 images have documented its dynamic weather and changing surface.

Studying Titan helps planetary scientists piece together the evolution of the Sun’s family of planets, moons, dwarf planets, asteroids and comets.

So important is Titan in planetary theories that in the 1970s the Voyager 1 spacecraft was diverted to it despite the trajectory sending it out of the Solar System and skipping Uranus and Neptune.

The twin spacecraft Voyager 2 whizzed by Saturn in August 1981, skipped Titan and went to take the only close-up views of Uranus in January 1986 and Neptune in 1989.

Titan is frequently under the lenses of earth-based telescopes, and the great Hubble Space Telescope also keeps watch. But the view is inferior to that occasional pass by the orbiting Cassini spacecraft. This amazing investment in planetary science is at the end of its life, having lasted more than three years beyond it’s expected lifespan and mission plan. That’s a frequent NASA occurrence which has

the operational staff of space staff sometimes begging for money to continue past a spacecraft’s original budget.

Is it too crazy to think that someday, maybe in the 22nd Century, that an astronaut from Earth will land on Titan, pick up the eroded shell of Huygens and bring home to the Europe space headquarters in Paris for its proper homage.

The tiny Huygens spaceship deserves none less for its amazing and successful interplanetary landing. For because of Huygens, our eyes have seen the landscape of another world.

www.theloaferonline.com

January 12, 2016 | The Loafer | Page 17

Celestial events in the skies for the week of Jan. 12th - Jan. 18th as compiled for The Loafer by Mark D. Marquette.

All eyes will glance up at the crescent Moon waxing in the early evening skies and standing directly south at sunset on Saturday’s First Quarter phase. The Moon will be near Neptune on Wednesday and Uranus on Friday, but you’ll need a telescope to see those most distant planets. The rest of the planets are in the morning sky: Jupiter is high overhead and moving to the horizon at 6 am are Mars, Venus and Saturn.

Also launched on this date in 1997 was Shuttle Atlantis on the STS-81 mission to the Russian Mir Space Station. The six-person crew to the included Jerry Linenger who replaced John Blaha on a four-month rotation of American astronauts aboard the foreign spaceship.

Wed. Jan. 13

In 1978 NASA announced first five female astronauts, all of whom travelled to space. On this date in 1993, Endeavour blasted Tues. Jan. 12 off Cape Kennedy with five astroThis date in 1986 was the suc- nauts spending five days in orbit cessful launch of Space Shuttle Co- deploying the fifth Tracking and lumbia with a refurbished satellite Data Relay Satellite and testing for RCA and experiments to keep space suits and working tools in seven astronauts busy for six days. the cargo bay.

The crew included US House of Thurs. Jan. 14 Representative Bill Nelson, who’s On this 2005 date in space hisdistrict included Cape Canaveral, tory NASA landed a tiny space and current NASA administrator, probe on the alien moon Titan orpilot Charles Bolden. The next biting the planet Saturn. Ejected Shuttle launch on Jan. 28 would be from the $1 billion Cassini spacethe fatal explosion of Challenger. ship in orbit about Saturn, the

probe Huygens parachuted while taking photos of flowing methane rivers before landing on the shore of a small lake. It sent back data and photos for about an hour in the minus -290 F. degrees below zero surface.

Fri. Jan. 15

In 1973 Luna 21 lands on the Moon at Le Monnier Crater and deploys rover Lunokhod 2. The rover drove 22 miles during its six-month life, took 86,000 television pictures and conducted more than 700 lunar soil tests.

walked to the two empty seats beside the Soyuz 4 commander—the first and only transfer of crews by spacewalks. NASA’s Apollo and Lunar Module were linked by docking hatches.

First Quarter Moon. On this 1969 date in space history, the Soviet Union performed the first outer space docking of two manned spacecraft, Soyuz 5 and 6. This beat America’s first manned docking of the moonships Apollo and Lunar Module by Apollo 9 on March 3. Two cosmonauts in Soyuz 5 left their commander and space-

On this 2003 date in space history, Space Shuttle Columbia was in its first of 17 days in space for seven astronauts working in the SpaceLab in the cargo bay. They would all die Feb. 1st when a hole in the left wing caused at launch on Jan. 16 compromised the integrity of the spaceship, sending it into a 10,000 mph path of disintegration

Sat. Jan. 16

Sun. Jan. 17

as the 10-ton Columbia flew over Texas. The hole was punched in the wing by a suitcase-sized piece of ice off the cold external tank of liquid hydrogen.

Mon. Jan. 18

Looking east at 9 pm you immediately see several bright stars, include the brightest, Sirius, above the horizon. Sirius makes a “Winter Triangle” with Procyon high to the left and Betelgeuse to the right.

Sirius and Procyon are in the Big and Little Dog, respectively, and Betelgeuse is the shoulder of Orion the Hunter.

Page 18 | The Loafer | January 12, 2016

IN THEATRES NOW Box Office Top 10

In Theaters Now

Star Wars: The Force Awakens (2015)

My Favorite Films of 2015 As we charge into 2016 and a whole batch of new movies this year, I decided to list my favorite films of 2015. This is the time of year most everyone lists their best films of the year, so I decided to be a bit different. While the films on my top 10 list may not have been the “best” of the year, they sure were fun. Away we go.

1- “Star Wars: The Force Awakens”. It sure did! The first “Star Wars” film since 2005 has passed “Avatar” as the top grossing film in North America ever. Next up: the world box office. It was so exciting to see Han Solo and company back together in a new adventure. Plus, a whole new set of characters, including the exciting Rey (Daisy Ridley) and Darth Vader wannabe Kylo Ren (Adam Driver) made the latest trip to a galaxy, far, far away unforgettable.

2-”Spectre”. Daniel Craig has expressed a desire to leave James Bond behind, and sadly, if he does, this was a fitting final 007 adventure for the star. This film was one of the most expensive in the Bond series, and you can certainly see it on the screen. Personally I wish Craig would never leave the series, but there is always a new Bond waiting to fight for Queen and country.

3-”Jurassic World”. Steven Spielberg and his dinosaurs roared back to the screen in the summer of 2015, and proved the public was chomping at the bit for a new adventure featuring dinosaurs in one corner and humans in another. Not only did a newly created dinosaur create havoc, star

Chris Pratt proved he could go toe to toe with Raptors even if they were CGI. 4-”Mission Impossible- Rogue Nation”. Tom Cruise was back in his latest adventure as spy Ethan Hunt along with his Impossible Missions Force, and the film begins with the usual amazing Cruse stunt. Have you ever wanted to hang on the side of a plane while it takes off? Me either. Thanks to Cruise doing nearly all the stunts in these movies, we can live through his character. I look forward to more films in this series.

5- “Mad Max: Fury Road”. The character of Mad Max returned to this screen in the form of Tom Hardy, and the movie was a non-stop action film. Imagine if you were on a roller-coaster while attending a rock concert and you will get the jest of this film. Charlize Theron nearly steal the film from Hardy as the unforgettable Imperator Furiosa. I think I was sweating when I left this film.

6- “Inside Out”. One of the most daring and creative animated films to ever be released by Pixar Animation. The film is set inside the mind of a young girl, and features her emotions as characters.

Three decades after the defeat of the Galactic Empire, a new threat arises. The First Order attempts to rule the galaxy and only a ragtag group of heroes can stop them, along with the help of the Resistance.

Daddy’s Home (2015)

Joy (2015)

Joy is the story of the title character, who rose to become founder and matriarch of a powerful family business dynasty.

The Big Short (2015)

Four denizens of the world of high-finance predict the credit and housing bubble collapse of the mid-2000s, and decide to take on the big banks for their greed and lack of foresight.

Stepdad, Brad Whitaker, is a radio host trying to get his stepchildren to love him and call him Dad. But his plans turn upside down Concussion (2015) In Pittsburgh, accomplished when the biological father, Dusty pathologist Dr. Bennet Omalu unMayron, returns. covers the truth about brain damThe Hateful Eight (2015) age in football players who suffer In the dead of a Wyoming win- repeated concussions in the course ter, a bounty hunter and his pris- of normal play. oner find shelter in a cabin currently inhabited by a collection of Point Break (2015) We meet Joy, Sadness, Fear, Anger nefarious characters.

A young FBI agent infiltrates and Disgust in the colorful world an extraordinary team of extreme of the mind. Mind-blowing enter- Sisters (2015) sports athletes he suspects of mastainment.

Two sisters decide to throw one terminding a string of unprec7-”Hotel Transylvania 2”. This last house party before their par- edented, sophisticated corporate release followed the fun original, ents sell their family home. heists. “Point Break” is inspired by and again proves Adam Sandler the classic 1991 hit. can act if he is given the right roles. Alvin and the Chipmunks: The Hunger Games: The actor again proves to be very The Road Chip (2015) Through a series of misunder- Mockingjay - Part 2 (2015) good voicing animated characters, As the war of Panem escalates to and his Count Dracula conquers. standings, Alvin, Simon and TheoDracula and his fellow monsters dore come to believe that Dave is the destruction of other districts, are celebrating the birth of the going to propose to his new girl- Katniss Everdeen, the reluctant blood suckers grand-kid. Since friend in Miami...and dump them. leader of the rebellion, must bring the kids father is human and the They have three days to get to together an army against Presimother is Draculas daughter Ma- him and stop the proposal, saving dent Snow, while all she holds vis (Selena Gomez), what will he themselves not only from losing dear hangs in the balance. be, vampire or human? The fun is Dave but possibly from gaining a terrible stepbrother. waiting for the discovery.

8- “The Walk”. This film, based on based on the true story of French high-wire artist Philipe Petit’s walk between the Twin Towers in New York City, left me breathless. Seeing the film in 3D made the film even more exciting, but was not for the faint of heart.

Not only did the film provide an opportunity to see history, it also proved to be a loving tribute to the Twin Towers, and was dedicated to the victims of the 2001 attack.

9-”The Hunger Games: Mockingjay- Part 2”. This film was an

IMDb.com (01/09/2016) excellent end to the series featuring Jennifer Lawrence, providing plenty of action and heartbreak. I felt satisfied with the ending of the last film in the series, but sad this was the last time heroine Katniss Everdeen will grace the big screen.

10-”Furious 7”. I had to pick this film as the story featured a fitting and heart-melting tribute to the late Paul Walker who tragically passed during filming. If you

have ever been a fan of Walker, or the series, I’m sure you shed a tear during certain segments of the film. Co-star Vin Diesel’s love for his friend clearly shows onscreen, and the actors bond will be missed.

There you have the list of my 10 favorite films of 2015. I sure had a great time at the movies in 2015, and look forward to more of the same in 2016!

www.theloaferonline.com

January 12, 2016 | The Loafer | Page 19

All Rise for Night Court To say that New York City has enough tourist attractions to keep a traveler busy for awhile is certainly a serious understatement.

A person could probably spend a month there, doing nothing productive but checking out famous landmarks, museums, and other

trip to explore the Big Apple though, I came across this building I have pictured and couldn’t resist taking a photo to show off on Facebook. Now, I am going to show it off here.

Growing up, I was a huge fan of the NBC sitcom Night Court,

how the criminal justice system works in this country (prosecutors, public defenders, due process, Yakov Smirnoff, etc). One aspect of the program always remained a mystery to me though, was the building from the show’s title screen an actual place in New

points of interest. In fact, over the course of several visits, I’ve done quite a bit of that myself. I’ve been to that diner from Seinfeld, seen the firehouse from Ghostbusters, and even made it out to that giant statue from those Liberty Mutual commercials. On my most recent

whose original run was from 198492, and featured breakout roles for actors Harry Anderson, John Larroquette, and Gilbert Gottfried, among others. During my more formidable years, it kept me well-entertained, and in so doing, somehow taught me a little about

York? If so, was it really where the city’s night court convened?

As it turns out, yes and no, respectively. The building depicted in exterior shots for the show is indeed a courthouse in Manhattan, located in the general area where one finds the majority of the bor-

ough’s civic buildings. However, rather than criminal arraignments (and madcap hijinks), it is home to the New York City Supreme Court.

It’s a little difficult to find, if only because the maze of streets in lower Manhattan is daunting at best and utterly impossible to navigate at worst (regular followers of this column will have already heard me rant on this topic). On a side note, the courthouse is only two blocks or so from the center of the ‘Five Points’ neighborhood

(now entirely demolished) that was a flashpoint for the New York City draft riots of 1863 and setting for the film, Gangs of New York.

At any rate, if you are somehow able to find the intersection of Centre Street and Worth Street, across from Foley Square, you will see the New York Supreme Court Building in all its majesty.

Advice to eligible females though: you might want to keep an eye out for Dan. I hear he’s a real ladies’ man.

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The Willow Tree celebrates its second year anniversary with an amazing line up in January

The Willow Tree Coffeehouse and Music Room is very proud and grateful to be able to celebrate its two year anniversary this month.

And as with its first year anniversary celebration, they are bringing in some of the best of the best to help them celebrate. They kicked off the month with a night of magic and vaudeville with Brando the Great (Brandon Bragg) and his magical vaudeville troupe. Jan. 16 both BIG DADDY LOVE and Dangermuffin will take the stage.

The weekend of Jan 23 & 24, Yarn will return to The Willow Tree for two special performances, Saturday’s show will be a full blown Yarn show and Sunday will be a special acoustic show, with a little story added to the song. And then the last weekend of the month will be The Black Lillies along with Sam Quinn and The Taiwan Twin, and Sunday Jan 31 CIRCLE OF THE SONG TOUR: Featuring ED JURDI (Band of Heathens), SETH

WALKER & EDWARD DAVID ANDERSON (Backyard Tire Fire).

Also The Willow Tree will host their ever popular open Mic Night each Wednesday and Friday night (with the exception of Jan 29).

“Zoe and I couldn’t be more grateful or excited about the lineup we have this month. It’s huge deal for us to have been blessed to bring the music we love to the area these past two years and to have all of these guys play for us in one month, our celebration month, is such a big deal for us. Both Yarn and Big Daddy Love were our grand opening bands and they both continue to draw bigger and bigger crowds with each visit.

Dangermuffin has been a big love of ours for years and a Willow Tree favorite, pairing them up with Big Daddy Love is going to be so much fun. They will come together for a jam we are calling Love Muffin.

And the The Black Lillies, they guys are soaring to the top of the

to that night and it will be a sellout and one for the books. I could just ramble on forever about all of them.” Says Teri Dosher, owner of The Willow Tree.

For more information visit The Willow Tree, or the visit www. thewillowtreejc.com , https:// www.facebook.com/willowcoffeehouse

Big Daddy Love charts so quickly and getting all the attention they deserve, for them to squeeze us in to their busy national touring schedule is such a big deal for us, and then you add Sam Quinn and The Taiwan Twin

Dangermuffin

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January 12, 2016 | The Loafer | Page 21

Contra Dance Begins 11th Year in Jonesborough!

The Historic Jonesborough Dance Society opens its eleventh year with a contra dance on Saturday January 16, 2016. The event will be held at the Jonesborough Visitors Center at 7:00pm featuring the Asheville band “The Stuff” with Jacob Legrone calling the dance. Admission is $7, $5 for HJDS members and $5 for full time students. A class for newcomer contra dances will run from 7:007:30pm. The dance will run from 7:30-10:30pm with a Klondike Bar break at 9:00pm.

“Contra dance is a way for all citizens of the area to rededicate themselves to New Year’s higher ideas and ideals for diet and exercise changes. We know from the experts that most people start the year with ambitious goals for weight loss, smoking cessation or other behavioral changes during the first ten days of the New Year”, states organizer David Wiley. “The problem is that many of these commitments fade away in the short term” adds

Wiley. “Our contra dance program, even though it is held only twice per month can jump start anyone toward their goals. We had 30 dances again 2015. In and of itself, 30 dances won’t make or break anyone’s fitness program, but for many, it made a difference.

Our dance community foundation is very solid. Our core group continues to expand made up of all ages.”

“The Stuff” unites two friends who have played for contra dances in the area for many years. The band consists of Gretchen Caverly

on fiddle and Nic Coker on guitar.

Coker also plays for Boom Chuck and Spinning Wheel which performed at a recent Jonesborough contra dance.

Jacob Legrone comes to us from Charlotte. Jacob first discovered contra dancing at the John

C. Campbell Folk School over 16 years ago, and has been dancing ever since. While attending college at the University of South Carolina, Jacob served on the board of Columbia Traditional Music and Dance, and founded the Carolina Contra Club, a student organization dedicated to developing a strong community of young dancers.

When the Carolina Contra Club wanted to put on its own dance but did not have the budget to hire a caller, Jacob began teaching himself to call. As of now, he has called dances at a number of locations, including Charlotte, Greensboro, Winston-Salem, and Brasstown, NC, Columbia and Leesville SC, Los Angeles CA, Madison WI, Jonesborough TN, and Glen Echo MD. Jacob is a regular caller and active member of the Charlotte dance community. He is known

Contra ...

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Pets Of The Week

Tibu a 3 year old female African Bull Mastiff. She is spayed and current on all vaccines. Tibu is a sweet timid girl.

The noise of her neighbors at the shelter makes her nervous.

She is ready to be your faithful companion!

Fresca is a 3 year old female Labordor Hound mix. She is spayed and up to date on all vaccines. She is a fiesty girl who is ready to play!

D-B Dramahawks performing ‘Grease’

The Dobyns-Bennett Dramahawks will perform the exciting Broadway-style musical “Grease” at the Nancy Pridemore Little Theatre at Dobyns-Bennett High School the last two weekends in January. With book, music and lyrics by Jim Jacobs and Warren Casey, “Grease: School Version” will feature a talented D-B acting company and a live band performing such “Grease” standbys that include “You’re the One That I Want,” “Greased Lightnin’” and “We Go Together.” Show times are at 7 p.m. for Friday and Saturday performances, Jan. 22-23 and 29-30, and Sunday matinee performances will begin at 2 p.m. on Jan. 24 and 31. For more information, visit our Facebook fan page or email lhumphrey@k12k.com. Tickets are $10. To order advance tickets, talk to any D-B Dramahawk or call 423-378-8532 or 423-378-2200.

The Bridge Home has an ongoing aluminum can can collection in front of the shelter at 2061Hwy 75 in Blountville,TN 37617. The cans are collected by a volunteer and the money from the aluminum goes towards badly needed food and supplies for the animals The Bridge Home No Kill Animal Rescue recently moved in to their new 7,300 sq foot building @ 2061 Hwy 75 Blountville, TN,37617. The Bridge Home is a non profit 501(c)(3) organization established in 2002 dedicated to the welfare of homeless or abandoned animals. They provide care and compassion for stray and unwanted cats and dogs until they can be adopted into a forever home.

Every animal in their care is spayed or neutered and fully vaccinated before being adopted. Being a non profit the shelter is funded entirely by membership dues and private donations. They always need volunteers or monetary donations. Other always needed items:pet food, cat litter & cat toys dog treats & dog toys,paper towels, cleaners, office supplies,Purina weight circles.

Phone: 423.239.5237 Hours are Mon-Fri 12pm-6pm Sat 12pm-3pm and Sun 2pm-4pm. Website is www.bridgehomerescue@gmail.com or like them on Facebook: www.Facebook.com/bridgehome?fref=ts.

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January 12, 2016 | The Loafer | Page 23

The Jim Perkins Interview Tennessee is ranked fourth in the nation for number of citizens with type 2 diabetes. Sullivan County is ranked the top five counties in the state. Virginia is ranked 23rd in the nation but southwest Virginia has the highest number of reported cases of type 2 diabetes in the Commonwealth. There is a need for Diabetes support in our region. Enter Jim Perkins and the staff at Wellmont’s Diabetes Treatment Centers.

He won’t step up and take credit for his work because he is a servant leader with true humility, but Jim Perkins is a pioneer. Jim has had a long career in healthcare administration which led him to several states over the years. For the last 16 years Jim has been at his current position as Director of Wellmont Health System’s Diabetes Treatment Centers. During that time, he has created many innovative programs to make life much easier for those who have been diagnosed with diabetes.

The love of life, health and outdoors has kept Jim out running many marathons, triathalons, long distance hiking and also riding in equestrian roping events as a heeler. The passion he has for living and for people are what drive him to create new ways to assist folks with diabetes every day as well.

Jim asked me not to make this interview about him. But I give you that little piece of history about him as a preface to discussion about Wellmont Diabetes Treatment Centers and the Mountain Mover at the helm. If you have or are diagnosed with diabetes, this man and his staff are the people you need to go meet.

BRIAN: Jim, when someone is diagnosed with diabetes, their life is changed and it can all be

very overwhelming. This is your passion, what is your message to them?

JIM: First of all, thank you for this opportunity to speak about what we do. When someone is diagnosed with diabetes, I tell them to embrace it. We all make lifestyle decisions every day. Choices like taking care of ourselves by eating right, resting right and monitoring our health often get ignored. Diabetes is a disease and, although it won’t kill you, the complications from it most certainly will. But the good news is, if a person who has diabetes embraces their condition and makes choices that lead to a healthy lifestyle, a long happy life is possible. Our work at the Diabetes Treatment Center locations is focused on educating diabetes patients on lifestyle requirements to remain healthy and make controlling their blood sugar much more manageable. If they will just embrace their condition, it is something they can absolutely control.

BRIAN: You are quite an innovator at what you do. There have been a lot of programs you started over the years to help folks with

diabetes. My favorite is the Diabetes Alert Sticker for cars. Tell folks about that program.

JIM: This is an idea we originated here in the Tri Cities and it became state-wide with other organizations picking it up across the nation every day. We even have a NASCAR driver Ryan Reed who has one of the stickers on his race car. He actually has diabetes and was very enthusiastic to promote this program. The idea behind the Alert Stickers is to provide a two-fold advantage to people who have diabetes and law enforcement. It is important to note, these stickers are only available to folks with diabetes after their doctor fills out a form that is basically a prescription certifying they in fact have the disease. The stickers then go on the inside of the rear window of a vehicle to alert officers the driver is a diabetic. This allows the officer to take this information under consideration if the person was driving in an unusual

Movers ...

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Movers ..... continued from Page 23 manner as a potential cause of that behavior. This also benefits the driver because if medical help is needed, it will be requested much sooner.

BRIAN: That program is absolutely fantastic! Changing gears, perhaps the most frightening thing about diabetes to a lot of folks is sticking themself with a needle multiple times per day. Getting rid of all those dirty needles can be a challenge if done safely. What have you come up with to help with that?

JIM: Needle sticks are a part of everyday life for someone with diabetes. There are innovations with insulin pumps and even inhaled insulin, but traditional insulin shots are realistically going to be part of the daily routine for millions of people who have the disease. Here at the Diabetes Treatment Center we realized a need for proper disposal methods in a lot of cases. So, if patients stop by our facility and need a sharps container, we will provide that for them and they can bring those back to us once they are full. We then take those containers and dispose of them through our at Wellmont facilities. That ensures the sharps are handled according to guidelines and the patients have a way of dealing with their medical waste that is right for them and the environment.

BRIAN: Education is a huge factor in diabetes with patients and with younger kids

who can make choices that will lead them to healthy lifestyles and might save them from developing diabetes. Tell us about the program you implemented for patients in Wellmont Hospitals..

JIM: First of all Carol Carter, Cindy Stidham and Stacey Bedingfield were the main force behind making this project into a reality. That being said, we basically came up with a tray liner that has pictures and other information on it about the proper nutritional guidelines regarding what and how much food is consumed. They are available at Holston Valley Medical Center, Bristol Regional Medical Center, Mountain View Regional Medical Center, Lonesome Pine Hospital and Hawkins County Memorial Hospital. We’re excited to launch this project, which will empower people to analyze their eating patterns and determine what changes might be appropriate. While the messages on the liners and the other materials are pertinent to everyone, they are especially helpful to those who have diabetes or might be on the cusp of developing the disease.

These are just three of many programs being offered by the Wellmont Diabetes Treatment Centers. If you or someone you know has diabetes or if you want more information, call them at 423-224-3575 or 423844-2950.

Contra ..... continued from Page 21 for putting together programs that incorporate modern contras with great flow, while catering to all levels of dancers on the floor.

In addition to contras, Jacob can teach traditional squares, waltz, swing, shag, and salsa on request.

Contra dance is a form of American folk dance in which the dancers form a set of two parallel lines that run the length of the hall.

Each dance consists of a sequence of moves and steps that ends with the couples having progressed one position up or down the set. All dances are taught by the caller. No partner is necessary and you are encouraged to dance with as many different people as possible.

Many of the basic moves resemble square dancing—swings, allemandes, do-si-dos— but contra dancing are more a sort of amusement park ride that the dancers make for themselves. A square dance set is comprised of only four couples, whereas the length of the hall only limits the number of couples in a contra dance set. To join a set, only a partner and soft-soled shoes are necessary. All that is left is to have fun dancing. You are encouraged to dress comfortably and stay hydrated with lots of water.

Today, contra dancers in groups of two

pairs begin the dance in two long lines of facing partners. Each group of two couples steps through the dance one time before progressing either up or down the line to dance with a new couple. The eight to ten figures in a dance are then repeated. Participants dance with everyone in the line. New dance figures have been developed by choreographers, yet some of the oldest dances are still popular. Dancers practice the dance in a “walk through” instructed by a caller who will continue to cue the dance once the music starts until it is well learned. Dancers today add their own flourishes and especially enjoy the opportunity for flirting that the dance provides. Children often pick up dancing more readily than adults. Newcomers often dance an entire evening when they discover how easy it is to learn the figures and how much help is available from others.

Lately more and more teen-agers and young adults are filling the ranks along with the baby boomers and grandparents.

For more information on Saturday’s dance or any upcoming events, please call David Wiley at 423-534-8879 or visit www. historicjonesboroughdancesociety.org. or Historic Jonesborough Dance Society on FACEBOOK.

January 12, 2016 | The Loafer | Page 25

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“What’s In (And On) Your Fridge?”

Needless to say, I eagerly followed the news about all the wonderful (and a few not-so-wonderful) gadgets that were unveiled in Las Vegas at last week’s Consumer Electronics Show (CES). If there was one take-away from the show, it is that this is definitely going to be the year the much-ballyhooed Internet of Things (IoT) becomes an integral part of our lives.

While many of the usual suspects were on display, particularly the latest and greatest TVs (including the very pricey 8HD replacements for the so-yesterday 4HD models many of us received from Santa last month), lots of wearable technology (such at Fitbit’s new Blaze e-watch), virtual reality goggles, and assorted robotic pets and assistants, two new product cat-

egories caught my attention. First, we should get ready for automobiles that more closely resemble computers than modes of transportation. The age of the driverless car is upon us, along with cars that act as wireless hotspots and command centers for our smart homes.

For instance, Ford debuted a new Mustang that represents a joint venture with Amazon. No, this car doesn’t double as a drone that can deliver packages to your front lawn, but it does incorporate Amazon’s new Echo technology to give you access to an array of apps that control the devices in your home from the car’s dashboard. Second, are you ready for your fridge to become a family command center?

Two new technological marvels will forever change the way you

think about your kitchen. Read on.

First up is Samsung’s Family Hub Refrigerator (not to be confused with the Griswold Family Truckster). According to a piece in Mashable, we should rejoice that the “era of people talking to their appliances and the appliances answering back has begun.”

What we have formerly known as a big slab that dominates our kitchen and gets raided for midnight snacks is now “a massive 21.5 inch, 1080p touch screen with surprising intelligence inside and out.” Why does this description remind me of the iconic monolith from Stanley Kubrick’s 1968 film, “2001, A Space Odyssey”? On second thought, maybe a more apt comparison would be to HAL, the movie’s villainous computer.

What used to be an ordinary and rather boring fridge is now a larger version of Amazon’s Echo (yes, the same thing that will soon be inside your new Ford Mustang), complete with Alexa, the disembodied voice that makes your every wish her (or its) command.

And what exactly does this new fridge do? For starters, the Family Hub “will actually feature a pair of cameras on the inside that take pictures of the fridge’s contents every time you open and close the doors.” These pictures will then be accessible on a special Samsung app that is compatible with both Android and iOS. The supposed advantage is that you can instantly check the contents of your fridge while sitting in your recliner (which will no doubt soon be Pandora and Spotify equipped) or while wandering aimlessly in the middle of a grocery store aisle. But, wait, there’s more. Say you are in the grocery store and wondering if your egg supply is

getting low and/or if the little eggies are still fresh. No problem, just check the app, and if you need eggs you can use the fridge’s builtin Instacart to process your order.

Even Mastercard is developing a new card called Groceries by Mastercard which will be compatible with the Family Hub. Why stop with just knowing what is stored inside your fridge? Since the appliance is powered by Amazon Echo, you can also ask your new fridge to give you a weather report, a news update, or an Adele playlist (but, please, don’t ask to hear that annoying “Hello” once again)— did I mention that the Family Hub has built-in stereo speakers and Bluetooth capability? For nostalgia’s sake, you can still have those neat little magnets and notes attached to the fridge door, if you don’t mind having them rendered in digital form on the front door’s HD screen. In case your wondering, Mashable tells us that Samsung’s new Family Hub Refrigerator “should ship sometime in May and list for roughly $5,000.”

You can certainly buy lots of egg cartons for that kind of money if don’t have the need for an app to determine their freshness.

If you have a problem justifying the $5,000 price tag for a new Samsung fridge, you can spring for a couple of second-best refrigerator gadgets that perform many of the same functions (minus the big screen, built-in speakers, and digital magnet/note display). Although prices haven’t yet been announced, Smarter, a UK company has premiered its new Fridge Cam at the CES show. And what, pray tell, does this gadget do? We turn once again to Mashable for a description: “This device lets you check on the food in your refrigerator when you’re not home.” Yes, I suppose that’s what we would expect a fridge cam to do (in addition to revealing the identity of who might be sneaking food at all hours of the night). A companion product, Smarter Mats, consists of “tiny platforms that sit underneath your beverages in the fridge and notify you via app if a particular beverage container is empty or full.” How convenient. While receiving a generally warm (pun intended) reception, these new Smarter products also received some cold (pun intended) remarks. For instance, some people claimed “it’s the latest proof that

technology is slowing turning us into spoiled overly tech-dependent sloths. First selfie sticks, now this?”

Now that we have smart light bulbs (premiered at last year’s CES show), smart thermostats, and countless digital assistants, who knows what’s next? I guess we should start looking in the bathroom for the next wave of IoT wonders. I guess the less said about this the better, although we can already purchase smart toilets that monitor water usage via app.

Let’s hope Smarter or Samsung doesn’t get a brilliant idea from some sort of Toilet Cam. Actually, I’m sure someone somewhere already has this available. How about a toilet that incorporates playlists especially curated for the bathroom (i.e. “Splish, Splash,” “Don’t Go Chasing Waterfalls,” “Beyond The Sea,” “Wipe Out,” “Rock Me On The Water,” “Sea Cruise,” and “Waist Deep In The Big Muddy”—better stop while I’m ahead)?

I’m waiting for an app that tells me when my column is getting too long. My daughter got me a FitBit for Christmas and so far I haven’t learned if it will monitor the length of my columns. Maybe I’ll have to wait until CES 2017 to find out.

See you next week. In the meantime, take a peek inside your refrigerator.

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