Page 2, The Loafer • March 3, 2015
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March 3, 2015 • The Loafer, Page 3
Volume 29 Issue #13
Paramount Center for the Arts Still here and stronger than ever!
Publisher Bill Williams Editor Graphic Arts Director Don Sprinkle Office Manager Luci Tate Cover Design Bill May Advertising Dave Carter Terry Patterson Contributing Staff Jim Kelly Andy Ross Ken Silvers Mark Marquette Published by Tree Street Media, LLC., P.O. Box 3238, Johnson City, TN 37602 Phone: 423/283-4324 FAX - 423/283-4369 www.theloaferonline.com info@theloaferonline.com e-mail: editorial@theloaferonline.com (editorial) adcopy@theloaferonline.com (advertising) All advertisements are accepted and published by the publisher upon the representation that the agency and/or advertiser is authorized to publish the entire contents and subject matter thereof. The agency and/or advertiser will indemnify and save the publisher harmless from any loss of expense resulting from claims or suits based upon contents of any advertisement,including claims or suits for defamation, libel, right of privacy, plagiarism, and copyright infringement.
in this issue .... 4
The Paramount Center for the Arts.. better than ever!
6
Barter Stage II to show “Hamlet”
7
Pianist/composer shares experiences with the power of music.
10
Second Sunday Concert Series Kicks off 2015 Season.
13
Dada Cabaret to perform at Nelson Fine Art Center.
18
“Love, Sex and the I.R.S.”... just in time for Tax Season.
19
Bays Mountain extends hours for Spring.
23
Jonesborough Contra & Afternoon Beginners Workshop.
music & fun 14 24
Spotlight - Great Music & Fun Times Crossword & Sudoku
columns & reviews 16 17 21 25 26
Stargazer - Stars More Than Twinkle In Our Eye Skies This Week Screen Sceens - “Kingsman: The Secret Service” Batteries Not Included - The Curious Art of Overthinking Kelly’s Place - “Let’s Trademark a Phrase”
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The Paramount Center for the Arts 2015 Spring Line-Up The Paramount Center for the Arts was built in 1931, and was an original Paramount Pictures movie house, closed and then remodeled to become a performing arts theater in 1991. Restored to its original grandeur, the entire theatre is exact to the time and era of its opening. The Paramount continues to grow as the Mountain Empire’s premier perfroming arts center. Listed as a National Register of Historic places. Our Marquee was restored in August 2014, and is now holding 1968, 1 watt led light bulbs. The marquee was restored by funds raised by the community entirely, 1 bulb at a time. The bulbs were sold for $20. The mission of the Paramount is “to enhance the quality of life for the people of our region by providing a variety of arts and services which will educate and entertain, regardless of ethnic background, age or income level.” throughout the album and every Highly recommended.” note sung is upheld on cosmic har-Mary Sue Twohy, SiriusXM Satmony. Red Molly is unstoppable. ellite Radio
Ashville Lyric Opera brings
West Side Story to the Paramount Stage: May 2, 2015 7:30 pm $40
Red Molly
March 21, 2015 • 7:30pm • $25, $33.75 “From Day One, Red Molly conjured musical magic. A decade later, they’ve honed their songwriting, their covers, their playing and, above all, their harmonies into something joyful and sublime.” -John Platt, WFUV FM, Sunday Breakfast Americana powerhouse vocal trio Red Molly is known for their gorgeous harmonies, crisp musicianship, infectious songwriting, and warm, engaging stage presence. Laurie MacAllister (bass), Abbie Gardner (Dobro), and Molly Venter (guitar) weave together
the threads of American music— from folk roots to bluegrass, from heartbreaking ballads to barnburning honky tonk—as effortlessly as they blend their caramel voices into their signature soaring, crystalline three-part harmonies. Organic musicianship, a respect for the traditions of American music, and an obvious love of crafting music together lend a joyous atmosphere to their legendary live performances, and a natural balance to their studio recordings. Gracing stages from Denver to Denmark, from Australia to Austin, Red Molly is renowned for
their live shows. Four-time featured artist at MerleFest, breakout stars at RockyGrass, and the darlings of the Bristol Rhythm and Roots Reunion, the “Mollies” bring audiences to their feet, whether it’s on a grand festival stage or in an intimate concert hall. Their latest CD, “The Red Album”, realized on May 27, 2014, was featured in USA Today and CMT Edge. It spent 16 weeks on the Americana Radio Top 40 chart, reaching #10, and it was #1 on the Folk DJ Radio Chart for all of 2014. “Femme Phenom! No root from the grand tree of music is left untouched - classic country heartbreak, undeniable swing, authentic folk, gospel rock with an edge, and Americana stomp. With smart production, a strong thread runs
Leonard Bernstein’s West Side Story, is a readaptation of William Shakepeare’s Romeo and Juliet, set in the 1950’s in Manhattan, NY. The Jets, an “American” street gang, and the Sharks, a group of young Puerto Ricans face off in an
www.theparamountcenter.com
attempt to mark their gang’s territory. The opera pit will be reopened for this amazing production of the pop culture classic. Ashville Lyric Opera will be bringing a 19 piece orchestra.
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Continued from previous page
Jason Isbell and Craig Finn
Almost sold out- $30 & $40 • Thursday, May 28th 7pm Southeastern is not a record Jason has made before, and not simply because the glorious storm and drama of his band, the 400 Unit, is absent. They will tour together; it’s not a break-up record, not an album of dissolving, but, rather, songs of discovery. And not at all afraid, not even amid the tears. Which is to say that he has grown up. That it has been a dozen years since he showed up at a party and left in the Drive-By Truckers’ van with two travel days to learn their songs. And then taught them some of his songs in the bargain.Jason Isbell’s solo career has seemed equally effortless, from Sirens of the Ditch (2007) to Jason Isbell & The 400 Unit (2009), through Here We Rest (2011) and last year’s Live From Alabama. Loud records, unrepentantly southern, resplendent with careful songwriting. Songs which inspire and intimidate other musicians, and critics.
“A heart on the run / keeps a hand on the gun / can’t trust anyone,” Jason sings just now, his words brushing gently atop an acoustic guitar figure “Cover Me Up,” the song with which he has chosen to open Southeastern. Such tenderness. An act of contrition, an affirmation of need, his voice straining not to break: “Girl leave your boots by the bed / We ain’t leaving this room / Till someone needs medical help / Or the magnolias bloom.” He sighs into the phone, considering what he’s done, and why. “I’m really purposefully ignorant of any sort of sales consideration, or radio considerations, or anything like that,” Jason says. “Before I’d felt like, this song needs to be this length, or this song needs to be mastered in this way, or this song needs to have drums on it, or this song needs a bigger hook.
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Have an event coming up? Email a press release and photos to:
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“Hamlet” to show at Barter Stage II Barter Theatre Performance of “Hamlet” Funded by Shakespeare in American Communities and the National Endowment or the Arts
Hamlet (Sam McCalla) contemplates the future as he faces mortality with a skull in hand.
Reminder: Daylight Savings starts this weekend!
Barter Theatre’s new performance group, The Barter Players Encore Company, will be performing William Shakespeare’s “Hamlet” thanks to a grant from Shakespeare in American Communities and the National Endowment for the Arts. “Hamlet” will appear at Barter’s Stage II beginning March 4. The Barter Player’s Encore Company is a new performance group Barter has created which is made up of Barter Players alumni. The Encore Company makes this play familiar to students by setting their two-act “Hamlet” in a not-sodistant time and place. Something is rotten in the state of Denmark, but Denmark bears a strange resemblance to a place we can all imagine: someone loved has died, and the audience left to decide how to proceed. “Hamlet,” one of the most famous plays in the English language, can also be one of the most challenging plays for students, but The Barter Player Encore Company has created an experience to make this play easier to understand and appreciate. This production brings the play from the page to the stage and offers workshops for student performances using role-playing ac-
tivities. These workshops will be held before and after student performances. Evening performances will not feature workshops, and are not adapted specifically for students, allowing adults to enjoy this classic Shakespeare play as well. “Hamlet” features Sam McCalla as Hamlet. Other performers include: Emily Grove, Terrance Jackson, Barrett Guyton, Samuel Floyd and Natalie Riegel. This production is directed by Katy Brown. The National Endowment for the Arts in partnership with Arts Midwest presents Shakespeare in American Communities. Barter Theatre is one of 40 professional theater companies selected to participate in bringing the finest productions of Shakespeare to middle and high school students in communities across the United States. This is the 12th year of this national program, the largest tour of Shakespeare in American history. Barter would like to issue a special thank you to Shakespeare in American Communities. Because of their generous support, the Barter will be able to offer assistance for schools/students that can demonstrate need. This includes bus and ticket subsidies.
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Health, Wellness & the Arts
Pianist/composer to inform, perform, share experiences with the power of music
While many performers let their art do the talking, Steinway artist and composer Robin Spielberg doesn’t mind sharing, even baring, her soul to her audiences. And while her story – and new memoir Naked on the Bench: My Adventures in Pianoland – is very much about her life and livelihood at the piano, it is also indelibly intertwined with health and the healing power of music. That is why Spielberg, a celebrity spokesperson for the American Music Therapy Association, will be guest speaker and performer for the Fourth Annual Evening of Health, Wellness and the Arts at ETSU on March 5 at 7 p.m. in Martha Street Culp Auditorium. Her
“informance” is titled “The Transformative Power of Music: The Medical Benefits of Music – An Enchanting Evening of Piano and Tales from the Bench.” A reception and meet and greet with Spielberg will precede the event, from 6-6:45 p.m. “Each year that we’ve done this, we look for someone from one of the performing arts, who either through their art or their own lives, also engages in some activity related to health and wellness,” says Dr. Randy Wykoff, dean of co-sponsor, the College of Public Health, “and Robin is obviously a very accomplished pianist and composer but also has spoken about the therapeutic benefits of
music … “We’ve had an actor, we’ve had a magician, we’ve had a Cherokee historian and storyteller, we’ve had a filmmaker, so it seems natural to look for someone like Robin who touches both worlds so well.” Spielberg is an artist Mary B. Martin School of the Arts has been following for some years, says Director Anita DeAngelis, and this spring, the time was right. “It’s interesting to have an artist come here and talk about their own very, very personal story,” DeAngelis says. “She will share with us how that’s impacted her career and
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Jenna & Her Cool Friends @ Down Home
Jenna & Her Cool Friends will be performing at the Down Home in Johnson City, Tennessee on March 7, 2015. This high energy seven piece band performs both original and personally styled blues cover tunes dating back to the 1920’s until present day. They have been voted “Best Blues Band” in Knoxville on several occasions and debuted their CD, “I’m What You Get” in 2014. They
had the privilege of opening for B.B. King at the Tennessee Theatre in 2014 and were semi-finalist in the International Blues Challenge in Memphis, Tennessee in January, 2015. Tickets will be available the day of the show and are $12. Performance time will be 8:00-11:00 PM. The Down Home is located at 300 W. Main St., Johnson City, TN. Call (423) 929-9822 for information.
MPCC to begin WERQ
Get ready to WERQ! From 6-7 p.m. on Thursdays beginning March 5, Memorial Park Community Center, 510 Bert St., will offer WERQ, a fiercely fun dance fitness workout taught by certified fitness professional Melissa Blazer. Cost is $5 per class. For more information, contact Jillian Boreing at 434-6226.
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Health .....
Continued from page 7 how she is using music now not only as a vehicle for entertainment but as a vehicle to help improve health, as well.” The arts were always a helpful and healthful activity for Spielberg, an “anxious kind of child, a worrier,” who started playing piano as a toddler and taking lessons by age 7. Harboring dreams of Broadway, Spielberg first pursued drama, but found her side job as a pianist moved audiences more. There her story took a new turn – and a new twist when her daughter, now 16, was born 16 weeks early and was not expected to be able to walk, talk, see, hear or speak. “The NICU, the neo-natal intensive care unit, was so loud and so disruptive … not what you want for babies who are trying to heal,” Spielberg says. “I asked permission from the nurses if we could play some music by my daughter’s incubator … and over
March 3, 2015 • The Loafer, Page 9 a period of time that the music was playing, they noticed that my daughter’s vitals improved. They saw that her oxygen saturation levels increased and they saw that her breathing stabilized – and it wasn’t just our daughter. It helped babies that were in an earshot of the music.” Spielberg began researching the field of music therapy. Her daughter thrived and so did Spielberg’s career and interest in the transforming power of music. Her first recording of original solos was called Heal of the Hand. Since then, she has shared her stories of healing, as well as her own soothing music. Spielberg is known worldwide for her sensitive compositions and “comforting piano artistry.” “From the moment she walks on stage, until the last note gently caresses the room, Spielberg casts a spell on her audience that is palpable, visceral, and spiritual …” says Bruce Bressack of HippoPress. “After you see her perform, you’ll just feel a whole lot better
about the world.” Although Spielberg has performed at Carnegie Hall three times, she chooses to play wherever she can make “connections.” “It’s not about all the money I make, or how many records I sell,” she says. “It’s not about that stuff. It’s more about connections.” She performs on college campuses and in hospitals, nursing homes, retirement centers, jails, juvenile delinquent centers and for young people with special needs. “I’ll play wherever they will have me,” she says. “There are a lot of ways to connect, and I’m interested in all of them.” “You might not find out something new about me, but maybe you will find out something new about you,” Spielberg says. “I don’t mean to be mysterious by saying that. This is the kind of concert that is not about me. These informances are a time to connect and a time to reflect and a time to look at things in a different way. It is an opportunity to discover how they can use this information or
the music that they heard to make a change in their own life.” Spielberg has already spurred ETSU students to create their own stories through the arts. Public Health and The Gold Humanism Honor Society from the James H. Quillen College of Medicine, who are also event co-sponsors, have prepared an exhibition spurred by the pianist’s openness and therapeutic interests. “The Gold Humanism Art exhibit that will be in the lobby was inspired by the talented work of Spielberg and her TED talk lecture last year in which she discussed the incredible healing power of music,” says Alissa Hinkle, Quillen College of Medicine student and president of the Gold Humanism Honor Society. “For the exhibit, we expanded the theme to ‘Art in Medicine’ to include those of our medical student body who are very talented painters. “We hope this exhibit will encourage our community to find the power of music and art in their own lives and then to teach others
to do the same.” The Gold Humanism society is a program that recognizes medical students, residents and faculty who practice patient-centered, humanistic care in their communities. ETSU music students will also benefit from Spielberg’s willingness to share her experiences and wisdom. Spielberg will work with piano class students on overcoming performance anxiety Wednesday, March 4, at 12:35 p.m. in Mathes Hall Room 107. The workshop is free and open to auditors and spectators. For more information on Spielberg, visit www.robinspielberg. com. For information about the ETSU Mary B. Martin School of the Arts, call 423-439-TKTS (8587) or visit www.etsu.edu/martin. Please “Like” ETSU Mary B. Martin School of the Arts on Facebook and follow it on Twitter and Instagram @ArtsAtETSU.
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Second Sunday Concert Series Kicks Off 2015 Season
William King Museum and Birthplace of Country Music partner to present the 2015 Second Sunday Concert Series
Every second Sunday, March through August in 2015, music brings two of the region’s premier museums together for one amazing concert series. The Second Sunday Concert Series, presented by William King Museum of Art and the Birthplace of Country Music, will feature a fantastic afternoon of great music in two of the region’s most celebrated museums. Beginning in March, the Second Sunday Concert Series will alternate locations between William King Museum of Art in Abingdon, Virginia and Birthplace of Country Music Museum in Bristol, Virginia. The first concert of the series will be held at William King Museum of Art. Doors open at 2:00 p.m. and music starts at 2:30 p.m.at each show. “As we continue to promote Bristol and the region as a music destination, partnerships are essential,” said Leah Ross, executive director of Birthplace of Country Music. “The Second Sunday Concert Series is about the great music of our region and highlights two of our region’s premier locations for art and cultural heritage.” “We are committed to being a forum for social and cultural engagement in our community,” says William King Museum of Art executive director Marcy Miller. “With this concert series, not only are we able to showcase incredible musical artists from
our region, but it also gives us a chance to strengthen our affiliation with the Birthplace of Country Music Museum.” Admission to each concert is $15 with the opportunity to purchase packages of three (3) concerts or the entire series at a discount. Cash bar and light hors d’oeuvres will be served, two (2) drink tickets included per concert ticket. Must be 21 and over with valid photo I.D. to consume alcohol at the event. The Second Sunday Concert Series kicks off March 8th with: Malcolm Holcombe William King Museum of Art Born and raised in the Blue Ridge mountains of North Carolina, Malcolm Holcombe is being recognized by the contemporary U.S. and European folk/Americana community as a performer of stature and an uncommonly unique guitarist/vocalist about whom Rolling Stone Magazine says: “Haunted country, acoustic blues and rugged folk all meet (here)...” Holcombe’s presence is spooky and timeless, as one imagines it would have been like to see Son House or Lead Belly. No emotional state is left unturned. To purchase tickets to the Second Sunday Concert Series, visit www.BirthplaceofCountryMusic.org or call423-573-1927 for more information.
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Westminster Presbyterian to Host
Moody Bible Institute’s Men’s Collegiate Choir
The Men’s Collegiate Choir of Moody Bible Institute in Chicago will perform on Sunday, March 8, at Westminster Presbyterian Church in Johnson City, beginning at 6 p.m. The community is invited to this free performance. Founded in 1957, the Men’s Collegiate Choir is comprised of both undergraduate and seminary students. Their repertoire includes anthems, arrangements of familiar hymns, and a variety of other styles of music. The choir tours in North America and internationally and has had the privilege of singing in Canada, the United Kingdom, Australia, New Zealand, China, Greece, Cyprus, and most recently in India. “We consider it an honor to be hosted by local churches wherever we go and to present our Christian faith and Moody Bible Institute through the music that we perform,” said Dr. H. E. Singley III, professor of music and director of the Men’s Collegiate Choir. Dr. Singley, who joined Moody’s faculty in 1996, is a graduate of Moody Bible Institute and the American Conservatory of Music. He holds a Master of Music degree from the University of NebraskaLincoln and a D.M.A. in Church Music with organ performance concentration from Southwestern Baptist Theological Seminary. “We’re excited about featuring
these talented young men,” said Dr. Jim Richter, senior pastor at Westminster. “We hope many will plan to join us for a memorable evening.” Westminster Presbyterian Church is located at 2343 Knob Creek Road in Johnson City. For more information, call (423) 283-4643 or go to www.westminjc.org. About Moody Global Ministries: Founded by evangelist D. L. Moody in 1886, Moody Global Ministries equips people with the truth of God’s Word across the globe, cultures and generations. Through its three schools—Moody Bible Institute, Moody Theological
Seminary and Moody Bible Institute Distance Learning—Moody trains the next generation of Christian ministry leaders. Moody Radio, the largest Christian radio network in the world, owns and operates 36 stations and six Internet stations. More than 1,500 outlets carry all or part of Moody Radio’s original programming. Moody Publishers is home to renowned authors Gary Chapman, Nancy Leigh DeMoss, Tony Evans, Erwin Lutzer, J. Oswald Sanders, and A. W. Tozer. For more information about Moody Global Ministries, please visit www.moodyglobal.org.
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The Walker Center Presents “Popovich Comedy Pet Theater”
The Walker Center, on the campus of Wilkes Community College, will present “Comedy Pet Theater” on Friday, March 6, at 7 p.m. “Popovich Comedy Pet Theater” is a perennial favorite at performing arts centers across the country, features Gregory and his cast of jugglers, clowns, 15 house cats, 10 dogs, four geese, eight white doves and two parrots. It is a family-oriented blend of the unique comedy and juggling skills of Gregory Popovich and the extraordinary talents of his performing pets. They love to show off onstage - performing a variety of stunts and skits! Audiences will be delighted to see this extravagan-
za of European-style clowning, amazing juggling and balancing acts, and of course, very talented performing pets. What makes this show so unique is that all of the cats and dogs have been rescued from shelters. He uses his shows to help support animal shelters, sanctuaries and animal welfare organizations. Gregory strongly supports and promotes adopting pets from animal shelters and the practice to spay/neuter all pets. He aims to teach people that one caring person can make a huge difference to the animal world. “It is important to the Walker Center to bring family entertainment to our community to expose the young and young-at-heart to all forms of performances. This can lead to a lifetime of appreciation and celebration of the arts,” said Tabitha Hudler, lead events specialist. An inexpensive meal of pizza,
hotdogs and all the fixings, assorted snacks and drinks will be available for purchase from 5:30-6:30 p.m. prior to the show. Tickets for this performance are available for $12 for adults and $5 for children 10 and under. For more information or to purchase tickets, contact the Walker Center Box Office at 336-838-6260, email walker.boxoffice@wilkescc.edu, or visit www.WalkerCenterOnline. org. The John A. Walker Community Center is dedicated to being the primary venue for cultural experience in Wilkes and surrounding areas and to serving as the preferred gathering place for meetings, receptions, conventions, banquets and parties. The Walker Center and Wilkes Community College are 100% Tobacco Free. Wilkes Community College, a member of the North Carolina Community College System, is a
public, two-year, open-door institution serving the people of Wilkes, Ashe and Alleghany counties and beyond. Established in 1965, WCC continues to build on a strong history of meeting the
educational needs and cultural interests of our students, community and workforce. WCC prepares learners for success in a dynamic world.
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Dada Cabaret to perform ‘Circus Carnales’ at Nelson Fine Art Center The Tri-Cities contemporary chamber ensemble Dada Cabaret will present “Circus Carnales” on Saturday, March 7, at 7:30 p.m. at Nelson Fine Art Center, 324 E. Main St. This recital will provide an evening of musical and literary entertainment that explores modern music, performance art and absurd realities. Dada Cabaret is inspired by literary nonsense; transgressive cinema, which uses shock value and humor; the early 20th century artistic movement of Dada-
ism, which illustrated absurdity through paintings of purposeless machines and collages of discarded materials; and the avant-garde movement, which featured experimental, innovative art that went beyond what was accepted as the norm. This experimental ensemble seeks to push the boundaries of classical music and transcend the divide between audience and performer. Members of Dada Cabaret include three East Tennessee State University Department of Music faculty members – Dr. Heather
Killmeyer on oboe and bassoon, Dr. Stephanie Frye on tuba and euphonium, and tenor Dr. Alan Stevens – along with local writer and pianist Andrew Ford, who narrates the program. The Dada Cabaret recital is free and open to the public, and donations are welcome. Some literary and poetic content is not suitable for children, and the recital is recommended for adults only. For more information, call the Department of Music at 423-4394276.
Run the Links 5K Run/Walk, kids 50-yard dash set for March 21
Clockwise from top left are Andrew Ford, Dr. Alan Stevens, Dr. Stephanie Frye and Dr. Heather Killmeyer.
The Johnson City Senior Center Foundation will hold the annual Run the Links 5K Run/Walk at Pine Oaks Golf Course on March 21. Early registration is $20 per person and includes an official Run the Links T-shirt. Late registration (after March 19) is $25 per person. Registration is available online at http://www.runtricities.net/asp/racecal.asp. Race day registration will take place at Pine Oaks Golf Course from 8-9:30 a.m. Packet pick-up will take place at Memorial Park Community Center on March 20 from 4-7 pm. Categories are open for all ages with a traditional run on paved paths and a grass course for barefoot runners. Dogs are welcome. New this year is a kids 50-yard dash for ages 9 and younger. Dash starts at 9:30 a.m. Early registration is $10; $15 after March 19. Dashers may also participate in the 5K (T-shirt not included). The foundation is currently seeking sponsors for the event. Sponsorships range from $100 to $1,500. For more information, please call (423)434-6237.
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Volcanoes in Solar System
Let’s heat up the cold winter with some thoughts about the hundreds of active volcanoes in the Solar System—and they’re not all on our Earth. Mount St. Helens, Krakatoa and Mt. Pinatubo have erupted in recent history to remind us of the enormous power a volcano has to not just change its nearby environment, but make changes around the globe of Earth. So what have volcanoes on Mercury, Venus, Mars and half dozen moons in the Solar System done to the evolution of these celestial bodies? Plenty. The volcanoes include not just the usual hot lava and ash, but the exotic moon worlds of Triton and Enceladus have “cryovolcanoes” erupting super-cold nitrogen and ice in a bizarre process that’s astro-geologists are trying to understood. Indeed there is a lot of volcanic activity going on right now n the Solar System. And no place is more active than the 200-plus volcanoes erupting on Jupiter moon Io—a sulfur-belching world the size of our own Moon. Io, pronounced Eye-0, is the closest moon to gigantic Jupiter and easily seen in a small telescope (or even binoculars) as one of the
four moons discovered by Galileo more than 400 years ago. Being so close to Jupiter, orbiting Io is stretched by gravity like a rubber handball. This creates a source of friction heat that sustains a molten rock core. And causes more than 200 hot spots on Io were its insides are oozing to the surface. For some unknown reason Io is made up of sulfur material, so it stinks! The first Io volcano was discovered on 1979 images from the passing spacecraft Voyager 1. One photo showed the plume of an eruption on the horizon of the moon, a stunning discovery. Io was thoroughly studied by the NASA orbiter Galileo in the 1990s, the smoking calderas and active eruptions were captured in amazing detail. For 25 years the Hubble Space Telescope has been monitoring Io eruptions, as well as earth-based observatories. The sulfur gas and debris from Io is flung into space and creates a donut-shaped ring around Jupiter outside its half-dozen ropy rings. There is a new NASA spacecraft called JUNO headed to Jupiter and orbit in July 2016 for a one-year mission studying the immediate atmosphere and environment around the giant gas planet. Including the torus of stinky sulfur
circling Jupiter. Active volcanoes are also part of Venus’ hellish landscape of 900-degree F. surface. Though orbiters from America and Europe have not caught a Venusian volcano in action, there are more than 1,700 volcanic features on the surface. The lack of meteor craters on the flanks of recent lava deposits points to their recent action from hundreds to thousands of years ago. Dormant volcanoes have been found on Mercury, our Moon and Mars. At least we think they’re still inactive. We see the ancient lava flows on our Moon with our naked eye. That’s what the dark areas are, one-time vast seas of lava the consistency of motor oil that spewed out of a molten interior to fill the lowlands created mostly by violent collisions with asteroids. All this happened the first billion years of our Moon’s 4.5 billion year life time. The volcanoes on the Moon are not the cone type we’re familiar with. Rather cracks or fissures in the surface allowed the lunar lava to seep out. There are some areas of small cones just dozens of feet high that might have emitted gasses and small debris. From time to time amateur astronomers might report seeing the bright light of a volcano, and the most reported has been the crater Alphonsus. Its central cone was the target of the Ranger 9 kamikaze spacecraft that wanted photos of not just the surface texture but to settle the question of Alphonsus was a volcano. Though a success, the evidence of volcanic activity was never found. Volcanism on the first planet Mercury is very similar to our Moon. There is a lot of evidence of vast lava plains whose date can be told by the lack of impact craters compared to the highland areas.
Mars has the largest volcanoes in the Solar System, and we think they are dormant. Maybe. There is the 13-mile high Olympus Mons whose base covers a state like Colorado. Nearby are five other giant volcanoes of 5-8 miles high, the complex making Mars lopsided in what’s called the Tharsis Bulge. But we don’t think these volcanoes have been active for at least 2 billion years. But we never imagined volcanoes of ice sending material a thousand miles into space. It was Voyager 2 that captured our one and only close-up images of active volcanoes of hydrogen slush spewing from cracks in the Neptune moon Triton. Triton is 1,600 miles wide and it rotates around Neptune clockwise, just the opposite from all other moons in the Solar System. It is one of the coldest places ever recorded at minus -280 below zero, and hydrogen is a slushy liquid at this temperature. On several historic images of Triton taken during the Voyager 2 flyby in 1989 there can be seen giant plumes of hydrogen and the dark material that has fallen on the surface. The Hubble and other telescopes have tried to follow other eruptions, but from 2 billion miles away the image details are sketchy. Saturn’s small moon Enceladus has active ice geysers that have been imaged the last seven years by the Saturn orbiting NASA spacecraft Cassini. The material vented by Enceladus has created an entire band of what’s called the E ring. And Saturn moon Titan, largest in the Solar System, might have some sort of active volcanic activity. This world is dripping methane, from its clouds of rain to river and lakes of liquid methane
at minus -290 below zero. There is no doubt much bizarre geology going on tantalizing Titan. Of course it is the volcanoes of Earth that peak our interest the most. Many events of human history have been shaped by volcanoes, as well as much mythology. From the destruction of Pompeii by the Italian volcano Vesuvius to the most recent devastation of Washington State’s Mount St. Helen’s, humanity has been affected. Earth’s molten core fights to get out through the layers of solid mantle that butt into each other. These continental shelves of Earth float on the soft insides, and have altered the shape of continents as they move over millions of years. This continental drift can be seen in the Hawaiian Islands, created in a string of volcanoes as the ocean shelf moves over an active vent. Then there is the “Ring of Fire” that outlines the continental coasts touching the Pacific Ocean. All the big active and silent volcanoes are apart: Mt. Fuji in Japan; Mt. Rainier in Washington; Popocatepetl in Mexico; Atacama Desert Volcano in Chili; White Island, New Zealand; and the Indonesian Islands. There are more than 1500 volcanoes known on Earth, and about 500 are active. There are more than 50 eruptions a year that endanger lives, and every decade there is major explosion. Once a century there seems to be a catastrophic eruption that affects the entire globe. Astronomers have little understanding of what is being done on alien worlds as their surface and atmospheres are shaped by volcanic activity, some hot and some cold. A new discipline of astrogeology will attempt to figure all that out.
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March 3, 2015 • The Loafer, Page 17
Celestial events in the skies for the week of Mar. 3 - Mar. 9, 2015 as compiled for The Loafer by Mark D. Marquette. Daylight Saving Time takes over beginning Sunday at 2 am-which becomes 3 am, making Sunday, March 8th a 23-hour day. Spring forward, fall back is the axiom. The bottom line is just as you were getting used to daylight at 7 am, when it’ll be close to 8 am next Monday. But we gain an hour of daylight in the evening until after 7:30 pm DST, which more people will notice than the lingering morning. The Moon is full phase on Thursday, called the “Worm Moon” by Algonquin tribes from New England to Lake Superior. As the March soil softened up from the cold winter, the Indians noticed worms reaching the surface and being eaten by birds, hence the moniker for March’s Full Moon.
Tues. March 3
On this 1969 date in space history, Apollo 9 was launched aboard the mighty Saturn V rocket with the mission goal of testing the moon landing spaceship in Earth orbit. James McDivitt and Rusty Schweickart give their Lunar Excursion Module (LEM) nicknamed “Spider” a positive workout while future Apollo 15 moonwalker David Scott was in the mothership, “Gumdrop.” In just five more months, man’s greatest adventure to the Moon would be fulfilled by a LEM called “Eagle.”
Wed. March 4
The mighty hunter Orion dominates the southern skies with the brightest star in the skies, Sirius, at his feet in the Big Dog constellation. The bright stars of Orion’s knees and shoulders, and his bisecting belt of three stars are the most recognized star pattern--next to the Big Dipper. On this 1994 date in space history, Columbia was launched with five astronauts on two week mission studying microgravity and engineering techniques in the cargo bay. Also aboard was a C.F. Martin backpacker guitar played by several of the space travelers.
Thurs. March 5
This 1979 date in space history was a special one for interplanetary travel when Voyager 1 flew by the huge planet Jupiter after a twoyear journey. Voyager 2 followed a month later, and they both went on to take the first close-ups of the planet Saturn in August 1980.
European spacecraft, Vega 1, flew by Halley’s Comet and was battered by icy debris and rock but survived to transmit more than 2,000 images of Halley.
Sat. March 7
Today NASA’s spacecraft Dawn will hopefully be in secure orbit around the dwarf planet Ceres, the largest of the asteroids circling the Sun between Mars and Jupiter. Dawn will study the 585-mile globe for a year. Close encounter photos have already showed two bright areas that might be active volcanoes.
Sun. March 8
Daylight Saving Time starts today and you’ll be aware that sunset will be an hour later at just after 7 pm. The shifting of time puts sunrise an hour later also, at 7:20 am or so.
Mon. March 9
The Big Dipper is making its annual spring appearance standing on its handle of three stars at 8:30 Fri. March 6 pm. The rest of the constellation In March 1986, everybody had Ursa Major, the Big Bear, is sprawlHalley’s Comet fever as the most ing ahead of the hindquarters “asfamous comet was making its an- terism” of the famous seven stars, nual 76 year visit to the inner Solar called the Plow in Great Britain. System. On this date in 1986, the
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Comedy Takes Center Stage at Barter Just in time for Tax Season “Love, Sex and the I.R.S.” will entertain audiences with an enjoyable farce
“Love, Sex and the I.R.S.” is a delightful farce comedy which will show for a limited run on Barter Stage II beginning March 5. In this zany production, two out-of-work musicians, Jon Trachtman and Leslie Arthur are sharing an apartment. To save money, Jon has been filing tax returns listing the duo as a married couple. The day of reckoning comes when the Internal Revenue Service informs the “couple” they are going to be investigated. Twists of fate, mistaken identities, a mother, girlfriends and a whole host of hilarious wit fill this story with complicated matters in ways unimaginable.
Mary Lucy Bivins, who is beginning her 11th season as a director and member of Barter’s Resident Acting Company, will direct “Love, Sex and the I.R.S.” Some years ago, Bivins acted in a production of “Love, Sex and the I.R.S.” and she said the play is best described as a production where, “definition, logic and plausibility take a back seat to fun.” Bivins hopes that audiences will, “have as much fun with this show as [she] did.” Barrett Guyton will appear as Jon Trachtman and Andrew Hampton Livingston will play Leslie Arthur in Barter’s production of “Love, Sex and the I.R.S.” Other actors will
include: Abbey Hunt, Rick McVey, Sean Maximo Campos, Tricia Matthews, Holly Williams and Samuel Floyd. “Love, Sex and the I.R.S.” is the first full-length play written by award-winning writers Billy Van Zandt and Jane Milmore originally produced in 1979. “Love, Sex and the I.R.S.” is made possible by corporate sponsor Doris C. Shuman, CPA, PC. The Barter is funded in part by the Virginia Commission for the Arts and the National Endowment for the Arts. For more information and showtimes, please call (276) 628-3991 or visit www.bartertheatre.com.
Sean Maximo Campos struggles to understand what is going on while Barrett Guyton, Abbey Hunt and Andrew Hampton Livingston tussle with the truth.
Adult softball registration under way
Johnson City Parks and Recreation is currently accepting registrations for spring adult softball. Leagues include: Men’s Open, Church and Industrial; Coed Open, Church and Industrial; and Women’s Open. Men’s leagues play a 14-game schedule with a single-elimination tournament. Men’s entry fees are $400 plus $5 for every non-City resident. Coed and Women’s leagues play a 10-game schedule with a single-elimination tournament. Coed and Women’s fees are $300 plus $5 for every non-City resident. Entry fee, roster, and photo identification for each player must be turned in at the time of registration. Deadline for entries is April 3. League play will begin the week of April 20. The first coaches meeting for softball will be held April 2 at 5:30 p.m. at the Winged Deer Park Athletic Tower. For further information, please call 283-5822. Registrations can be completed online at www.johnsoncitytn.org/parksrec and at the Winged Deer Park Athletic Office, 4137 Bristol Highway. Office hours are 8:30 a.m.-5:30 p.m. Monday through Friday. For further information, please call 283-5822.
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March 3, 2015 • The Loafer, Page 19
Bays Mountain Park Announces Extended Spring Hours
In an effort to provide visitors expanded opportunities to enjoy the park’s offerings, officials with Bays Mountain Park have announced extended hours for the months of March, April and May. Beginning in March, Bays Mountain Park will close daily at 8:00 p.m. Driven in part by community
request, extending park hours will offer park members, tourists, and local supporters additional opportunity for greater sight-seeing, hiking, mountain bike riding, and a variety of other leisure opportunities traditionally enjoyed on a typical visit. “When we first extended park
hours this past fall we were pleased to see quite a few visitors taking advantage of the opportunity,” said Park Manager Ken Childress. “Knowing that locals and tourists alike are enjoying greater access to the park, we are pleased to be able to continue to expand our hours into the springtime also. We hope to be able to make this a permanent part of our standard seasonal operating hours.” In recent years, Bays Mountain Park has been a popular destination for trail runners and mountain biking enthusiasts alike. With nearly 40 miles of trails, the park is ideal for those seeking to make outdoor recreation a part of their health and wellness initiatives or to simply enjoy the peace and serenity that a woodland or lakeside setting offers. Facilities such as the Nature Center, Herpetarium and Farmstead Museum will still close at 5:00 p.m. on the weekdays. Bays Mountain Park is ranked as one of Tennessee’s Top 50 Most Visited Attractions, according to the State of Tennessee Department of Tourist Development, and welcomes over 150,000 visitors annually. It is one of the nation’s largest city-owned parks, boasting a 44-acre lake and nearly 40 miles of hiking trails across its 3,550 acres of mountains and forests. The park’s attractions include a state-of-the-art planetarium, wildlife habitats specializing in species native to Tennessee, an interactive nature center, a ropes course with zip lines, and trails for mountain bikes, day hikers, and backpackers.
Final Liberty Audition
scheduled for Saturday, March 7 at 4:30 pm Sycamore Shoals State Historic Area
Passionate about our heritage? Interested in performing in Tennessee’s official outdoor drama? Audition for this fun and unique interpretation of the American Revolution as told by the Overmountain Men: colonists who defied British law and settled on Cherokee lands. This performance takes place here at Sycamore Shoals, the last three weekends of July. Auditions take place in our community room, the Gathering Place, in the park Visitors Center. You may bring a narration to read or will be given a small portion of last year’s script. If you would like to register as a non-speaker, either portraying a settler or Cherokee, you may sign up at this time. Need information? Please call Jennifer at 423-543-5808 Ext 102.
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Continued from page 5 I just completely did away with all those considerations for this record. And made it as if I were really just making it for me, and for people like me who listen to entire albums.” Raw, open, and reflective. Sobriety can be like that. Jason’s made it past his first year, which is rather more than a promise and will always be far from a guarantee. Treatment programs teach that one should let go, easier said than done. Perhaps that’s why Isbell was willing to trust his songs to David Cobb. Cobb has produced Shooter Jennings and Jamey Johnson and the Secret Sisters, but it was a Squidbillies’ session with George Jones which finally brought his work to Jason’s attention. “The song that he did with George Jones was a minute and a half, two minutes long,” Jason says, But the production of it was perfect because he nailed every single era of George’s career, and that really impressed me. A lot.” Jason Isbell chooses his words carefully and speaks them softly, only the gentle lilt of south Alabama left
for shading. “A lot of my favorite songwriters and recording artists are afraid,” he says. “Afraid to turn anything over to a producer, so they continue to make the same record over and over and over and over. More often than not, really. It’s really frustrating for me.” There had been other plans for the album, as there always are, and for the first time Jason had the songs done well before production commenced. In the inevitable way of things, it all came together in a rush. They finished recording at midnight on a Thursday. Friday he and Amanda Shires went to their rehearsal dinner, got married Saturday, and had to wait until they returned from their honeymoon to approve the mastered album. It is Amanda’s voice and violin joining with Jason on “Traveling Alone,” as evocative a song of a loneliness as anyone’s written since “Running On Empty.” A promise. The songs are invested with Jason’s particular, personal truths, but they’re not about him. Or, rather, the emotional truths are probably about the songwriter, but not the stories he’s telling. “Live Oak” opens with an a cappella verse: “There’s a man who walks beside me / He is who I used to
Gaelic Storm Friday, May 29th 7:30 pm
After 10 albums, and nearly 3,000 live shows, Gaelic Storm — the chart-topping, multi-national Celtic band — is dishing up a hearty serving of Full Irish. The greatest-hits album spans the bulk of the band’s career from 20042014, mixing crowd favorites and concert staples with three previously unreleased recordings. Gaelic Storm has straddled the line between tradition and innovation for nearly two decades. Led by founding members Patrick Murphy and Steve Twigger, the group infuses traditional Celtic music with modern influences, updating the genre for a new generation of fans raised on rock, country and folk. Along the way, the musicians have topped the Billboard World Chart four times, appeared in the blockbuster film “Titanic” (where they performed “Irish Party in
Third Class,” an unreleased song made available for the first time on Full Irish) and earned a reputation as a hard-touring, genre-bending band. “We have earned every single one of our fans, one at a time,” Murphy says. “There’s no sponsorship. No corporation is pulling strings. Every fan is made by us playing a show and shaking hands and learning names. We’ve become friends with so many of them. When someone at a show tells me they’ve never seen Gaelic Storm before, I say, ‘Welcome to the family.’” Full Irish pays tribute to the group’s diverse journey. The album features sea shanties and drinking songs, traditional tunes and originals, instrumental workouts and vocal showcases. “Whiskey in the Jar,” another brand new
be / I wonder if she sees him / And confuses him with me?” It is the kind of question a man asks as he readies to marry a woman who met him and knew him and loved him before sobriety stuck (and a question a singer might well ask his audience under the same circumstances), though the story is about a roving criminal in either the 18th or 20th centuries. It is not, to be clear, an acoustic album. “Flying Over Water” and “Super 8” have more than the requisite amount of guitar squawl to propel them. But it is the quiet, contemplative songs that lure you in out of the rain, and those songs especially that draw one into the arc of the entire album. To the elegance of “Songs That She Sings in the Shower”: “With a steak/ Held to my eye / I had to summon the confidence needed/To hear her good-bye.” “I’ve done my part,” Jason says, his dry chuckle trailing off. “I make things and other people try to sell those things. I try not to mix the two together. I think that’s just a better way to make more quality things.” He is, of course, right.
recording, even harks back to Gaelic Storm’s early days as a pub band in Santa Monica, California, long before the group played the Telluride Festival, the Rock Boat cruise, or high-profile theaters in countries like France and Spain. Together, these 15 songs celebrate the sunny side of life, urging listeners to raise their pint glass and stomp their feet. “When you go eat pub food in Ireland,” explains Steve Twigger, “you can order the ‘Full Irish,” which is a combination of mushrooms, beans, bacon, sausage, black pudding, white pudding… It’s the works, basically. That idea seemed to represent everything about this album. This is the works. Everything we do is represented.” Regularly playing more than 120 shows a year, Gaelic Storm has built a loyal following as diverse as the band’s own music. Fans of traditional Irish music have cham-
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March 3, 2015 • The Loafer, Page 21
In Theaters Now
Box Office Top 10 Fifty Shades of Grey (2015)
Literature student Anastasia Steele’s life changes forever when she meets handsome, yet torment- Paddington (2014) A young Peruvian bear travels ed, billionaire Christian Grey. to London in search of a home. Finding himself lost and alone at Kingsman: The Secret Paddington Station, he meets the Service (2014) kindly Brown family, who offer A spy organization recruits an un- him a temporary haven. refined, but promising street kid into the agency’s ultra-competitive Seventh Son (2014) training program, just as a global Young Thomas is apprenticed to threat emerges from a twisted tech the local Spook to learn to fight genius. evil spirits. His first great challenge comes when the powerful The SpongeBob Movie: Mother Malkin escapes her confinement while the Spook is away. Sponge Out of Water
Kingsman:
The Secret Service
Yet another movie based on a comic book has hit the big screen in the form of “Kingsman: The Secret Service”, but no one wears a cape or has mutant powers in this effort. The film is more in the vein of 007 or Jason Bourne movies (the characters get a shout out in the film), and their is plenty of action and intrigue to cover both famous agents. The film is the story of how agents are chosen for the Kingsman organization, and concentrates on one characters, Eggsy (Taron Egerton), attempt to become a Kingsman. What is a Kingsman you might ask? A secret intelligence agency of course. Eggsy is going through the agent tryouts via agent Harry Galahad (Colin Firth), who has a connection to Eggsy’s childhood and family. The candidates in the competition to become a Kingsman are all top flight choices, and Eggsy has his hands full during the tryouts. As one who expect, Eggsy does succeed in his efforts, but not in the way one might imagine. Shortly after the tryouts end, Galahad and the other Kingsman are dealing with a billionaire named Valentine (Samuel L. Jackson), who has a devious plot that will impact most of the worlds population. Would we expect anything less than a world changing plot from a villain in a secret agent movie? Having being thrust in the world of the Kingsman, Eggsy is not only dealing with his new occupation, but with a horrible situation in his home life. Eventually, Eggsy proves he is a Kingsman to be reckoned with and even recuses a Princess during the films conclusion. The film offers plenty of action, including imaginative fights interspersed with witty dialogue,
els with a genetically engineered warrior to the planet in order to stop his tyrant reign.
(2015)
When a diabolical pirate above the The Imitation Game sea steals the secret Krabby Patty (2014) formula, SpongeBob and his nem- During World War II, mathematiesis Plankton must team up in or- cian Alan Turing tries to crack the der to get it back. enigma code with help from fellow mathematicians.
American Sniper (2014)
Navy SEAL sniper Chris Kyle’s pinpoint accuracy saves countless lives on the battlefield and turns him into a legend. Back home to his wife and kids after four tours of duty, however, Chris finds that it is the war he can’t leave behind.
The Wedding Ringer (2015)
Two weeks shy of his wedding, a socially awkward guy enters into a charade by hiring the owner of a company that provides best men for grooms in need.
Jupiter Ascending (2015) Project Almanac (2014) In a bright and colorful future, a young destitute caretaker gets targeted by the ruthless son of a powerful family, who lives on a planet in need of a new heir, so she trav-
which you really need to pay close attention to with all the accents rolling from the mouths of the actors. Firth once again displays why he is an Oscar winner, and co-star Egerton (“Legend”) holds his own against the powerhouse British actor. For good measure, Michael Caine is on hand to further add class to the film. The only issue I had with the film, was the often
bizarre vocal articulations of Jackson, which came off more annoying than funny. Overall, “Kingsman: The Secret Service” was a spy/action comedy that manages to mix both elements of action and comedy in effective doses.
Rated R
B+
A group of teens discover secret plans of a time machine, and construct one. However, things start to get out of control.
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albums is like flipping through a photo album,” adds percussionist Ryan Lacey, who joined the band in 2003. “Each record was made during a different time and a completely different phase of our lives. What hasn’t changed is the message. We want everybody to have a good time, to enjoy themselves. It’s the sort of message that everyone can get behind.”
Continued from page 20
Although Full Irish takes a look backward, Gaelic Storm is still moving ahead at full speed. There’s another studio album in the works, as well as plenty of tour dates on the books. Hungry for more rule-breaking Celtic music? Full Irish will satisfy your appetite… even if it’s just an appetizer for what’s to come.
Les Miserables performed by Theatre Bristol $15.25 & $19.25 June 19, 20, 21 & June 26, 27, 28
pioned the group for years, but so have fans of harder-edged Celtic rock. On tour, Gaelic Storm is just as likely to play a large rock club as a plush theater. The band makes regular appearances on cruises, too, joining artists like the Barena-
ked Ladies and Michael Franti. “Our audience spans the whole spectrum,” Twigger says. “We’ll play a rock venue one night, then a performing arts center that might’ve hosted a ballet performance the night before. We’ve got
hardcore fans who love our energy, Jimmy Buffet fans who love our message, folk fans who love our stories. Everyone can appreciate it, and that’s been the secret to our longevity.” “Looking back over our past
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Jonesborough Contra
& Afternoon Beginner’s Workshop The Historic Jonesborough Dance Society will hold a contra dance on Saturday March 7, 2015 at the Jonesborough Visitors Center, 117 Boone Street at 7:30 PM. Dot-Dot-Dash will play the tunes while Tom Colwell and Myra Hirschberg will do the calling. Admission is $7, $5 for HJDS members and $5 for full time students. A special family package for members is now offered for a total of $15. Parents and all of their own children under age 18 can gain admission for one price. All dances are taught. The event is smoke, alcohol and fragrance free. In addition to the evening dance, HJDS will offer a FREE two-hour comprehensive workshop for people interested in learning how to contra dance from 4:30pm-6:30pm.
March 3, 2015 • The Loafer, Page 23 Leading the workshop will be Warren Doyle from Mountain City, TN. Warren has over 40 years of experience as an educator, contra dancer, instructor, dance caller and event organizer. Doyle will be discussing, and demonstrating: a) Importance of listening, timing and grace (gentle strength) in dancing b) Barriers common to smooth and joyful movement b) Challenges of creative, individual movement within the collective structure c) Reasons why people contra dance The class/workshop will be relaxed but meaningful with a healthy balance of discussion and dancing. Not only are beginners welcome, but also experienced dancers who wish more in depth training in the art of contra dance. Participants are encouraged to attend the entire session. Adults and children are welcome.
No pre-registration is required. Attendees are encouraged to stay for the evening contra dance with music performed by our guest performers, Dot-Dot-Dash from Blacksburg, VA. Dot Dot Dash has been playing contra dances in the Southern Appalachian region for over 12 years. From a whisper to a growl, they play a variety of traditional dance music as have a large and growing repertoire of original tunes. Band members include Bill Anderson on fiddle (Boone, NC), John Hildreth on guitar (Pembroke, VA), Matt Livingston on mandolin (Roanoke, VA), and Patrick Turner on bass (Blacksburg, VA). Special guest pianist, Kerry Morgiewicz will be joining Dot Dot Dash on keyboards for this event. For more information, contact David Wiley at 423-534-8879, or email to david@historicjonesboroughdancesociety.org. Also visit the Historic Jonesborough Dance Society on FACEBOOK.
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The Curious Art of Overthinking Without any type of fancy documentation to back it all up, I am here to state that I know darn well that my brain is a very active brain. Sometimes this can be to my own detriment, especially when trying to sleep at night. I settle in with a mind cleared of all thoughts and ready for a night of deep sleep, when my brain suddenly decides to start playing “We Didn’t Start The Fire” on a constant loop for a solid hour or so. That’s not so great. Sometimes at the grocery store I can wind up spending far more time than normal on things due to overthinking. Granted, I tend to like Grocery Shopping in general, I’m a freak like that. But overthinking can cause me to take a simple choice like “which coffee do I want to try?” and turn it into a 20 minute saga, debating which one will fit my needs the best during the coming weeks. It’s a bit much, this is why people avoid going shopping with me sometimes. What should take all of 20 minutes, winds up taking almost an hour. Brain mass always doing the brain things. My brain going into overload tends to serve me the worst when it teams up with my anxiety in a tag team match. This tends to happen when I’m getting ready to go out for the evening, twice as much if I’m getting ready for a date. If I’m going to a party, the biggest overthinking/anxiety tidal waves are the ones where I find myself going “How many people do I know at this? Is this going to be awkward? Nah, there’s some people I know that will be there, it’ll be fine.” Usually it is, unless the party is just so overwhelmingly dull that I begin to think of what movies I could be at home watching instead of being there. It’s the increasingly loud ticking countdown before a date when my overthinking truly excels into a masterclass on the subject. I’ll be in my bathroom, shaving my face, playing a little Fred Astaire in the background, and in a good state of mind. It just appears out of no where. No warning, no ramp up. It’s just, there. “Maybe you should have gone with the scruffy look? Beards are a thing these days.” I remind myself of how stupid I look with facial hair, and I continue to hum along to the sounds of Astaire.
The overthinking is subdued on the drive to the restaurant by a David Bowie sing-along in the car, yet upon reaching the parking lot it’s back in full force. “Oh. I’m early. Guess I better just sit awkwardly in the parking lot and wait to go in. Should I go in early? Should I get a table? I don’t want to just sit there munching on bread for twenty minutes. What if she doesn’t show? I told her the right time, didn’t I? Oh, hell, I better check.” This leads to me awkwardly scanning out history of of text messages for the past 48 hours to make sure I didn’t screw up any of the vital information. This twenty minute panic attack that takes place in the car is completely useless, and leaves me feeling slightly disheveled. Once in the restaurant, things go fine, I mostly avoid overthinking, and it’s a very nice night out with a lovely person. Overthinking is just one of those things I’m learning how to live with more and more. I’m sure some of you can identify with this topic, which is why I felt moved to write about it this week. At least I think you will. I mean, I hope you will. I better go think about this. See you next week.
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Let’s Trademark a Phrase
According to Elizabeth Wurtzel’s quirky yet irresistible new book, CREATOCRACY: HOW THE CONSTITUTION INVENTED HOLLYWOOD (2014), we should be thankful that our infamous Founding Fathers saw fit to include the so-called Intellectual Property / Progress Clause (Article 1, Section 8, Clause 8) in their final drafted version of the United States Constitution. With this clause, the creative urge was taken away from the federal government and placed squarely in the hands (and the heads) of the citizenry (which, in 1791, when the Constitution was finally adopted, was a boy’s club made up of white male property owners). This clause, in effect, created a new nation of “symbol manipulators” dedicated to the proposition that all men (and later, women) are expected to be creative and that their creativity should be protected with generous copyright and trademark legislation. In Wurtzel’s fascinating and slightly jaded view, all this means that Hollywood, the seat of American creativity, was in effect invented by our Founding Fathers. Too bad movie cameras didn’t exist in 1791. Although our Founding Fathers were undoubtedly thinking about mechanical gadgets when they proposed the aforementioned Article, we have greatly enlarged their definition to include words
and phrases as well as more traditional inventions (i.e. gadgets) and published work. Yes, phrases. This year might be termed the Year of the Trademarked Phrase as more and more people (primarily celebrities) are claiming special and legal rights to the phrases they use and with which they are identified. Take Marshawn Lynch, Seattle Sea Hawks running back, for example. Last week he filed the legal paperwork that, if granted, will give him exclusive rights to a phrase he has made famous: “I’m just here so I won’t get fined.” This is not the first time Lynch has trademarked a phrase. He currently has the rights to two other trademarked phrases: “Beast Mode” and “About That Action Boss.” Taylor Swift, perhaps not surprisingly, has entered the arena with several trademarked phrases, most notably from her really fine new album, “1989.” Phrases like “This Sick Beat,” “Party Like It’s 1989,” “Cause We Never Go Out Of Style,” “I Could Show You Incredible Things,” and “Nice To Meet You, Where’ve You Been?” And why would Ms. Swift want to do such a thing? The most important reason, as you might guess, is to give her exclusive licensing and monetary rights to the use of these phrases on marketed items like T-Shirts, license plates, and
coffee cups. Kory Grow (if that really is his or her name), writing in the January 28, 2015 issue of Rolling Stone, tell us that Swift and her legal team have also specified that her trademarked phrases not be used on “typewriters, walking sticks, non-medicated toiletries, Christmas stockings, knitting implements, pot holders, lanyards, aprons, whalebone, napkin holders, and the particularly ominous collections of whips, harness and saddlery.” These last items might need special protection now that we have entered the “Fifty Shades of Gray” era. Although words as such cannot be copyrighted, phrases (which include logos and advertising slogans) can and have been. One of the most well known phrases, “Let’s get ready to rumble,” was copyrighted by sports announcer Michael Buffer. Some people estimate that he might have made up to $400 million from licensing the phrase to “movies, commercials, video games and such.” Things can predictably get a little strange, as witnessed by “Stor-
age Wars” star David Hester, who has trademarked the phrase (which seems more like a word to me),”YUUUP!” While no one can stop you from using this phrase (or any of the others used in this column) verbally, they can stop you from placing these phrases, without permission, on the item of your choosing, particularly if that item is used to generate a profit. I wonder if tattoos count? Not that I have “I Could Show You Incredible Things” tattooed on my arm— I am just curious, as always. Speaking of curiosity, I’m sure you are wondering how you can go about obtaining a trademark for a phrase. Right? While I reviewed several sources while doing research for this column, one of the more reasonable looking ones is a site called TrademarkPlus, a company that has been in business since 1999 (a date that makes me wonder if Prince has trademarked “We’re gonna party like it’s 1999”). The folks at TrademarkPlus offer a very simple statement defining the reason why trademarks exist: “A trademark helps consumers distinguish products in the marketplace. The ‘mark” may be a word, phrase, logo design, or a combination of these elements. It is the distinguishable feature that enable a consumer to identify and differen-
tiate one brand product from another in commerce. . .In the trademark world, it’s all about brand recognition and value.” And, the good news is that you can take advantage of a limited special offer to obtain your phrase copyright registration from TrademarkPlus for only $69.00; as you might expect, there are other fees if you want to do a complete search to see if anyone else has trademarked your phrase—and this can run into the hundreds of dollars, not to mention the legal fees to actually document your claim. There you have it. Now you can go out and trademark something. All this stuff has made me wonder if I can copyright the phrase “Kelly’s Place,” the nickname of the motel where I grew up in the mountains of western North Carolina and the namesake of this column. I shudder to think how much t-shirt, coffee cup, and “whips, harness and saddlery” revenue I’ve lost all these years because I never bothered to trademark this phrase. I’m sure the figure by now runs into the tens of dollars. With that I will leave you to contemplate the wonderful world of phrase trademarking. Just be careful how you use other people’s phrases this week. Don’t want to get sued, do you?
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March 3, 2015 • The Loafer, Page 27
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