Issue 47 - April 2015 by The Magdalen

ISSUE 47

10sTupId

thIngS wE sHouLd HavE bEen TauGht

pRobLemS iN sTudEnt pOliTicS

tHe ForGotTen aRt Of gEttIng oVer soMeoNe

tRanS dUndEe

tIme bAndIts

FREE

mEntAl heAltH soCIetY

StrAndEd paRleZ-vOus fRanCaiS The

l laSt trIp You’ll eVer waNt tO tAke

cAn a mAn Be a fEmiNisT

THE MAGDALEN

EDITOR’S LETTER Well what can I say? Let’s begin with a simple welcome and thank you for picking up my first issue of The Magdalen. Before I go any further, I want to thank the incredible team that have helped bring this issue to the light of day. Without you guys The Magdalen would just be me; a simple 21-year-old boy sitting scratching his head, trying to Google whether he spelled ‘Magdalen’ right. In particular, special thanks must go to Dominic Younger and Juliet Wright, our commanders in chief who have hung up their coats with Issue 46. You guys saved The Magdalen, and brought it out of its shell. We had a rocky start this academic year, but have since gone from strength to strength and are now BACK IN BUSINESS. I am proud to be taking over the magazine from your capable hands, and so (finally) I will introduce you to Issue 47! Please become engrossed in our various articles ranging from The Survivor’s Guide to Horror Games (page 8) to our Graduation Blues, and The Red Planet feature (page 20). I’m sure there’s something for everyone and as ever, submissions, complaints and comments can be forwarded to: themagdalen@dusa.co.uk Finally, I must bid farewell to the editors, writers and designers who are not only saying Bon Voyage to The Magdalen, but also University, in search of bigger and better things in the life of a graduate student. You have made the magazine proud and taken it to a whole new level. So my parting words to you, in the wise words of Dr. Seuss: “Don’t Cry Because It’s Over. Smile Because It Happened”. Thank You.

ISSUE #47 APRIL 2015

EDITORS Editor-In-Chief Andrew Stewart Deputy Editors Kate McAuliffe Leona Reid Adele Hamilton-Sturdy Creative Director Kenny Meek Asst. Creative Director Andrew Simpson Arts & Entertainment Editor Kate McAuliffe Opinion Editor JB Fyfe Features Editor Kathryn McKnight Current Affairs Editor Euan Forbes Fashion Editor Leona Reid Lifestyle Editor Kate Lakie Science Editor Andrew Stewart Special Thanks Dominic Younger Juliet Wright

Andrew Stewart Editor-In-Chief The Magdalen

CONTRIBUTORS

Hayden Brook, Zoe Cassells, Nicole Carter, K J Cuthbert, Sarah Doig, Lauren Jean Findlay, Euan Forbes, JB Fyfe, Dominic Marshall, Kate McAuliffe, William Nimmo, Patrick O’Donnel, Lori Petrie, Cameron Rathie, Leona Reid, Andrew Stewart, Kathryn Stribley, Lewis Wotherspoon, Dominic Younger, Jai NicAllen, Elaine Lithgow and other members of Trans Dundee.

PRODUCTION

Freya Bigg, Zoe Broughton, Amy Collier, Monica Dunne, Maha Ghani, Eva Gomez, Ross Grubb, Ummi Jameel, Antonia Koutrouza, Caitlin MacLeod, Fabio Maragno, Kenny Meek, Hazel Mirsepasi, Jill Montgomery, Macario De Los Rios, Jodie Robb, Andrew Simpson, Nelly Todorova, Katie Wilkinson, Stelios Ypsilantis.

PUBLISHED BY Zuchaela Smylie, VPCC DUSA, Airlie Place Dundee, DD1 4PH vpcc@dusa.co.uk

PRINTED BY Winter & Simpson Print, 16 Dunsinane Avenue Dundee, DD2 3QT sales@wintersimpson.co.uk

CREATIVE WRITING

THE MAGDALEN

CONTENTS CREATIVE WRITING 03

The Vault of Heaven

Tender, Brilliant Bomb

MALE FEMINISTS? PAGE 18

ART 04

V&A Resurrected

ENTERTAINMENT 05

Oscar? Grammy? Who gives a Razzie?

Stuff of the Month

The Survivor’s Guide to Horror Games

ISSUE #47 APRIL 2015

OPINION 22

Stupid Problems in Student Politics

“So, what do you study?”

CURRENT AFFAIRS 24

Parlez-Vous Français?

The Trials and Tribulations of Venezuela

LIFESTYLE

SCIENCE

Ten Things We Should’ve Been Taught in School

Got Science?

On Dealing with Depression

Time Bandits

Stranded

The Forgotten Art of Getting Over Someone

FASHION 32

Fashion Week Moments

FEATURES

The Last Trip You’ll Ever Want to Take

DJCAD Textile Designer: Lewis Scott

Products of the Month

Can a Man be a Feminist?

Graduation Blues and the Red Planet

GO MARTIAN? PAGE 20

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SOCIETIES 37

Mental Health Society

38 40

Trans Dundee Opsoc: Addam’s Family Review

SPORT 41

Tender, Brilliant Bomb It cannot be neutralized Time, I’m begging slow motion Deafeningly over-eulogized An (in love) explosion - Oh happy shrapnel heart-deep, we soar, and smile, and grapple with the seconds before Ecstasy-laced mushroom clouds embrace you and me - for desperately together, our atoms ﬂee with their moment ablaze, gone.

Zoe Cassells

The Vault of Heaven Your eyes edge slowly into the lava red hue of a rusty dusk, soft angel-woven clouds hang dry on the air. Late morning, you felt off-the-shelf and ready for battle ‘til hours lost you forever. Your anarchic petals unfold at sunset, staying up all night thinking like you think a philosopher thinks. You sit under naked night skies of madness, star freckled, impossibly distant, beleaguered by bad ideas. You’ll die before you surrender.

K J Cuthbert

Dominating Dundee: Varsity 2015 ISSUE 47 3

ART

After months of frustrating driving in the city centre, the roads congested with changing traffic lights, lanes, traffic cones, fences and workers, the longanticipated construction of the Victoria and Albert Museum has finally begun. Originally budgeted at £45 million, the long-delayed project, initially meant to open in 2014, but now predicted for summer 2018, is now estimated at £80 million, nearly doubling in price and threatening a repetition of the infamously over-budgeted and long-deferred Edinburgh Trams fiasco. £25 million of the budget for the museum is being paid for by the Scottish Government who, according to Culture Secretary Fiona Hyslop, are still fully committed in seeing the project through. Also, tackling the raised budgets, Japanese Architect Kengo Kuma changed the location of his design, moving the building fully inland as opposed to the initial site which extended the prow over the River Tay. As well as keeping costs down, Kuma’s motivation for bringing the ship back to shore was to ‘strengthen the connection between the river and the city centre.’

ENTERTAINMENT

An international centre for design, the V&A is the UK’s first design museum outside London, and already has teams of workers selecting items to display from the Victoria and Albert Museum in London’s collections, the majority of which will relate to Scotland’s design history. But Kuma’s winning design is just the first instalment in the city’s redevelopment of Dundee’s waterfront, set to cost £1 billion overall, but predicted to bring hundreds of thousands of tourists into the city, investing millions of pounds back into the economy, as well as generating up to 7,000 jobs through the project. As well as the building of the V&A, the city’s waterfront will also include a new railway station and hotel, central open green spaces, the construction of the Seabraes bridge across the railway lines and the addition of Riverside Apartments. Already awarded the UK’s first UNESCO City of Design, we can only hope that the V&A, the centrepiece of Dundee’s Waterfront redevelopment scheme, will bring the city more acclaim, bringing us even closer to winning Europe’s City of Culture now that after seven years of planning, construction has finally commenced.

Predicted to bring hundreds of thousands of tourists into the city, investing millions of pounds back into the economy Kate McAuliffe

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wards shows: self-indulgent, self-promoting tripe. Who cares? Who are they for? With both the Academy and Grammy award shows achieving their lowest ratings in six years, public interest in honouring the arts is on a sharp decline – and they deserve it. The films nominated for best picture at this year’s Oscars had the lowest-ever combined box office gross in the modern era of film making. Some of last year’s best films: The Lego Movie, Dawn of the Planet of the Apes and Captain America: The Winter Soldier were all high grossing blockbusters, which would have no doubt gained more public attention for the show if nominated. Whilst films such as Birdman, Boyhood and The Grand Budapest Hotel deserve acclaim, movies like Foxcatcher and The Imitation Game scream Oscar bait, which pander to the outdated academy. As per usual, the Grammys appointed their annual poster child for their ceremony in the form of Sam Smith, the crooner winning four overall and being a figurehead during the telecast. Unfortunately, this meant that awards to Eminem and Kendrick Lamar in the rap categories were forgone during the telecast; despite the fact the genre has taken rock’s place as the most culturally significant field of music in today’s society. Out of 78 categories, just 10 awards were handed out during the telecast.

These shows suffer from problems of identity as they fail to award both the fringe and the true face of their art form by continuing to celebrate safer options, as well as falling short of paying tribute to the works that have truly resonated with audiences.

Who will get Kanye’d? Who will literally fall from grace?

And at the Brits, Madonna fell. Moments of television gold like that are what these shows are for. Who will get Kanye’d? Who will literally fall from grace? We look for the next topic to post on YikYak in order to raise our yakarama score. We crave the next hilarious gif on tumblr. Despite the fact producers pray for events like these, the need for them diminishes the prestige of the award show. So when the public tunes into an award show for the next nip slip, it’s the art that suffers.

Patrick O’Donnell

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ENTERTAINMENT

STUFF OF THE MONTH

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ENTERTAINMENT

APP

TV SHOW

GAME

Kardashian Blocker available on Google Chrome

Poldark Sundays 10pm on BBC1

Admittedly, this month’s electronic offering is not technically an app. It’s an extension, which is basically a kind of app for your Internet browser. They do all sorts of wonderful things, but the levels of good that this simple act of programming could do is simply too great to overlook. Kardashian Blocker does exactly what it says on the tin and whoever invented it deserves a sainthood. It’s only available on Chrome right now, but let’s be real, if you’re using anything else, you kind of deserve to lose brain cells over Kim’s vapidity.

Have you been yearning for another period drama to crack open a bottle of Echo Falls to and satisfy your need to feel a little bit like a middle-aged housewife for a night? Look no further, this modern update of a classic 1970’s series has everything you need and more. We follow the tall, dark and brooding Ross Poldark, who comes home from war to find his mining business bled dry and his girlfriend engaged to his cousin. Bit awkward. Honestly, I’m just watching this for Aidan Turner.

The Legend of Zelda: Majora’s Mask 3D, Nintendo 3DS, out now What do you do if you’re a massively well-known video game company, responsible for many seminal moments in gaming history and creator of countless iconic characters and franchises that shaped the childhoods of millions, but you’re running out of money and original ideas? Release high definition 3D remakes of your most successful titles for your new consoles, obviously! The Zelda remakes are good for allowing kids who were brought up with Playstations instead of Gameboys to experience these awesome games for a while, before going back to patiently waiting for the HD rerelease of Spyro the Dragon. Please, Sony. Please.

MOVIE

GADGET

ALBUM

It Follows out now

MTS Multi-threat Bulletproof Briefcase

Motion – Calvin Harris out now

The modern horror movie is in a truly sad state these days. All jump scares and haunted dolls and absolutely no substance. David Robert Mitchell’s latest work is a muchwelcomed break from the myriad of ghost stories and demonic children. Impeccably stylistic and boasting an incredible electronic soundtrack, the film tells the tale of a stalking entity that can only be passed on through “relations” with someone else. If their newly acquired stalker finally catches up to them, he moves back to you. Mitchell builds up suspense and an almost suffocating sense of dread as the demonic STI comes ever closer to his heroine, proving that cheap scares are nothing compared to a well-crafted plot.

No. I refuse. I am not writing about the bloody Apple Watch. I’m not doing it. Here, look at this briefcase that can fold out into a bulletproof shield. This thing will not only protect your precious Macbook from harm, but also yourself. You know, just in case you happen to be in a situation where you might be shot at. First years, take heed. You’re in Dundee now. This isn’t as silly as you might think. Can a flimsy little smartwatch with 30 seconds of battery life protect you from a psychopath with a shotgun? The answer is no, but at least you’ll be able to send a Tweet about it from your wrist.

I can’t think of a single person who doesn’t like Calvin Harris. Do you remember when he invaded the stage while Jedward were performing, with a pineapple on his head? What a statement. Such a creative genius. Now he’s back with another album to provide the Skint DJs with a solid hour and a half of music. Not only that, but he’s dragged in every celebrity friend he has to collaborate with. Special mention goes to Ellie Goulding, HAIM and Gwen Stefani, the woman who singlehandedly taught an entire generation how to spell bananas.

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ENTERTAINMENT

THE SURVIVOR’S GUIDE TO

HORROR GAMES

isten up maggots! If you pansies think you might have what it takes to survive in these hostile environments then think again. Are you failing at Five Nights at Freddy’s? Can’t remember what to do in Amnesia? Keep winding up dead in Dead Space? Creepers clawing at your door in Minecraft? Then read this survival guide and with my help then maybe, just maybe you’ll make it out of there alive. Although let’s face it, if you do survive it only means that you’ll be back to die in the sequel.

Play in a safe environment: Make sure that all your lights are switched on with the bulbs screwed tight. Next secure all the doors and windows. You’ll thank me when you‘re not fumbling for light switches with ﬂickering lights and slamming doors adding to that pants-peeing atmosphere.

Play online: Remember it’s always handy to have a friendly face at your side with a Shotgun if things get hairy, this works just as well for co-op and multiplayer. Pick wisely though, and make sure that they’re slower than yourself, that way you don’t need to out run that zombie, just your friend.

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Adjust your settings: Turn your brightness up. No I don’t mean ‘till the icon is barely visible’, that’s just the game trying to make things difﬁcult for you, so keep going all the way up till you can’t see any shadows. Then turn your music all the way down. Remember added atmosphere means higher blood pressure. This may ruin the atmosphere intended by the director, but that just means you won’t be crying behind a pillow till the end credits.

No sneezing: This includes friends, ﬂuffy animals and yourself. So whether it’s allergies or between the months of May and September and they happen to have hayfever, then they are not invited. Although to be honest, you should probably be spending those months topping up your annual Vitamin D deﬁcit.

Hide: Remember, cupboards are you friend, even if it means that 90% of gameplay is spent hiding in cabinets and under tables. Always keep in mind: running may be better than ﬁghting, but hiding is better than running.

Conserve: Ammo, health packs, electricity etc. Remember short controlled bursts and don’t close those security doors unless absolutely necessary.

Thumb stamina: This is very important, I cannot express enough how essential ﬁnger dexterity and thumb muscles are, especially when you have to button bash that zombie off you. X damn it, X!

Walkthroughs: Because cheaters do prosper when they make it back to the Torrens and you’re left as Xenomorph faeces.

Stealth: Be very, very quiet. They’re hunting you. Don’t run, don’t shoot and for the love of all things good in this world, do not put noise detection on.

Moderation: Make sure you are regularly pausing, saving and peeing. You need to give your heart, tear ducts and bladder a break every now and then. Don’t try to be a hero or it is ‘Game over, man. Game over.’

Be thorough: Check everywhere. Yes I mean EVERYWHERE. Leave no room unsearched, no table unturned. Remember that key in Silent Hill 2? The one you have to ﬁnd in Brookshaven Hospital? The one down a drain in one of the many shower rooms and the only way to retrieve it is to attach a bent needle to a piece of hair. Because ﬁnding all of those things were so straightforward.

Kate McAuliffe

ISSUE 47 9

LIFESTYLE

Grown-up money stuff.

ON DEALING WITH

Taxes, insurance, loans - aren’t these the things adults have to deal with?!

S 10 THING D HAVE

WE SHOULGHT BEEN TAU IN SCHOOL n Findlay Lauren Jea

Useful math.

Seriously, when was the last time anyone needed to find out the square root of an isosceles triangle as a part of everyday life? We should have been given questions like ‘solve X when X is the amount of money you need to go out this weekend and still have cash to survive on.’

How to spot a douchebag.

Or more specifically, how to draw on eyebrows. I never knew eyebrows would get to be so important in life, but there is nothing more unattractive than a surprised, angry or confused set of Nike ticks on the top of a girl’s forehead. Less is more ladies!

Chapters Include: I. Types of douchebag; II. How to tell when he’s lying; III. Why there is nothing to be gained by showing your boobs to a camera.

Self-defence.

Forget football and hockey! A sneaky karate chop wouldn’t go amiss from time to time.

DIY.

Building a wooden birdhouse does not count, people. I need to know how to get through life without phoning my mum every minute of the day asking why my water is cold, why there is a strange beeping sound coming from the round thing on the wall and how to hide that hole in the wall from my landlord.

Getting a job.

Interview skills, CV skills and how to apply for a job - these would all have been of far more use to me than the ins and outs of the reign of the Tudors. 10 ISSUE 47

Dem gainz.

There is more to life than a set of bulging biceps boys, they’re called leg muscles and you do have them. It’s a shame to see a guy make so much effort on top just to see it resting upon two cocktail skewers.

‘ 9

solve X when X is the amount of money you need go out this weeketo and still have cashnd to survive on.

’

How to be happy with your body..

Social media is messed up nowadays. Everyone is trying to strive for a perfection that is not possible (unless you had a magical puberty like Kylie Jenner). Everyone is always too fat, too skinny, has boobs which aren’t big enough, or legs which are too skinny (but seriously guys, get that shit sorted). Love what you’ve got and be yourself!

DEPRESSION

Make-up skills.

Life lessons.

Over the years your garage band will break up, your dream career will fall through, someone will break your heart, you’ll cry a lot and you will lose friends. So what? Do what you want, when you want - don’t let people or money stop you. Life is hard so enjoy it while you can!

ne problem with depression is the difficulty in discerning it from emotional context. Depression isn’t an emotion. Too often depression is conflated with sadness or anxiety, to the extent that the often insidious onset of depression is forgotten under the auspices of a greater emotional strain that has simply added to an already existing issue. Depression is more like the force of gravity; it is there, pulling down on you under all circumstances. Depressed people can still be happy, simply bridled by the unfeeling wet blanket of muddled confusion and writhing numbness festering through everything. There is juxtaposition of emotion, a scream of dreams and apathy of waking life, a sinking stomach in the face of joy and faithless lassitude in your hopes.

Being seriously depressed is akin to having broken brain chemistry, you can’t expect yourself to overcome it without help

One of the most difficult hurdles to overcome is the realisation of the problem itself, something certainly catalysed by more attentive friends. However, unloading your problems onto a close friend can easily leave you wrought with the guilt of bringing them down. Being seriously depressed is akin to having broken brain chemistry, you can’t expect yourself to overcome it without help. This is undoubtedly the most important step.

Accepting that you have a problem with your mental health certainly holds a weight to top your growing pocket of woes. Putting aside the stigma, it is pivotal that you want to feel better. The first step may be just recognising the change in yourself, then looking at what is different. Externalising depressive illness may help, for example, considering it an outside parasite. If left undealt with, it may perpetuate a spiral in self-deprecation and guilt. If you want to get better, it does not always mean medication. Exercise, self-help groups and counselling are all options with wonderful track records that simply demonstrate that drugs are not always the answer. One key point from the list of options is that opening up to someone else is a key step in your recovery. It may be a big one, but the first step does always feel the largest. If you need someone to speak to: Do not hesitate to contact your GP. The University runs a counselling service, situated on Cross Row. Dundee Nightline (20:00-08:00 term-time): Dundee Samaritans: Breathing Space (NHS):

01382 381183 01382 832555 0800 83 85 87

JB Fyfe ISSUE 47 11

LIFESTYLE

STRANDED: lidays in Dundee...

er Ho How to Survive the East

... Alone

irstly, I would like to apologise for this article but I’m feeling quite sassy and so what follows will be riddled with apologies and excessive use of the words ‘perhaps’ because really, I know nothing about those who will read this. So you’ve made it through two semesters of agonising lectures, tutorials that last far too long and all your essay deadlines are over. You’d think Easter break would be a holiday but no, exam dates are looming! Luckily Easter vacation lasts for three weeks, and who spends an entire three weeks revising? If you’re thinking you will then I’ll give you two options: either stop reading this article, that’s procrastinating from your thrilling life of revision or continue to read it in the hope that you’ll take a break. Research shows that taking breaks from revision leads to a refocusing of the mind which will boost your academic progress – I’m not just a sassy writer, I know my psychology too! If you’re unfortunate enough not to have any plans for Easter break yet, never fear because this article will tell you how fun Dundee can be during this time. Perhaps

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your flatmates have abandoned you for a vacation or they’ve gone back to see their folks. Either way, Dundee is different over the Easter break: it becomes a ghost town. Apologies for the dramatic and haunting imagery of your life suddenly heading into weeks of isolation, but at least you still have the nightlife to embrace. In fact you may be feeling a little courageous and want to let your hair down, so why not go for a night out on your own? Or alternatively, you can just catch up on weeks of television shows such as ‘Call the Midwife’ and ‘Downton Abbey’ (that’s my plan anyway…). Heading out by yourself seems daunting, but it is one experience I highly encourage every student to have before they leave Dundee. Usually you bump into someone you know and you’re thrown onto the dance floor, ‘slutdropping’ like there’s no tomorrow (again that’s another highlight of my own student experience). You’ve got to realise that other students are in the same boat as you over Easter, so don’t be afraid to go it alone! You might even end up making friends with

1, 2, 3 WEEKS GET DRUNK

TV CATCH UP

CULTURE YOURSELF

REVISION

the locals (as now that all the students have left , the locals can reclaim their territory). They are a rowdy bunch, I will not lie about that, but there’s something strangely amusing about doing shots of Sambuca with a Dundonian local in Underground.

There’s something strangely amusing about doing shots of Sambuca with a Dundonian local in Underground Now again, I must apologise, perhaps you don’t drink alcohol at all, and then I really begin to question your life choices (sorry, I’m quite frank). However there’s a million other things you can get up to in this small city. For example, have you considered visiting the McManus art galleries? It’s free! Perhaps a good reason to go is if you’re skint - maybe even too skint for Skint? I’m one of those people who like their own privacy when they’re interested in something; so if I’m

watching a television show that I’ve become addicted to, no one can watch it with me as they might speak and subsequently interrupt my viewing. The same applies to going to the McManus; I cannot stand going there with other people, hence why I defi nitely recommend that you visit it on your own. Th is Easter there are two exhibitions taking place; Classical Art: the Legacy of the Ancients, and The Roman Empire: Power and People. Both sound highly pretentious to me but it’s something different and I’ll most defi nitely be heading along and pretending to be someone who’s posh and actually interested. So there you have it; at least three activities you can indulge in during the Easter break. If you can make it through these three weeks in the ghost town of Dundee, then kudos to you, you’ll have no problem dealing with old age. University is meant to be a time of self-discovery and preparation for later life, and it is safe to say that Easter Break in Dundee is an education you won’t get anywhere else. William Nimmo

ISSUE 47 13

LIFESTYLE

The

Forgotten Art of

“You have the right to feel disappointed, angry and sad. You have to allow yourself the right to grieve!”

Getting Over

Someone

- Hayden Brook

How long after a break-up is it still acceptable to give monologues about your ex to your friends? According to the best relationship gurus such as Cosmopolitan, getting over the ‘ex’ should take half the length of time you had been dating. But what if it is still hurting past the allotted time? Should it have you worried about your mental health? Should you do everything to stop yourself from thinking about the good times and try to convince yourself that you were never meant to be?

It is the most human way of healing after a break-up and don’t let anyone tell you otherwise. I have been speaking to a lot of people who have recently gone through break-ups. Some of them build up a facade of automatic smiles and responses when asked about their ended relationships, whilst others who don’t even want to be seen by their exlovers as research shows you are far more likely to run into them in the library on days when you are less Adonis, and more homeless person.

I say do whatever feels like a natural way of coping and don’t try to make yourself believe in your own denials. If it still hurts, then admit it to yourself. You have the right to feel disappointed, angry and sad. You have to allow yourself the right to grieve!

But please try to be honest with your emotions and don’t bottle them up, particularly when you talk with your friends. I see beautiful, strong, ﬁerce but scarred people who are not giving themselves the right to be imperfect. There is an absolute need to connect with your emotions and to stop living in denial.

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I am a believer that there are (almost) no bad experiences in life, even if they seem entirely negative at the time. I feel that only by surviving these hard moments and learning lessons from them, we are able to minimize future mistakes, toughen ourselves up, learn how to deal with similar situations and improve our future relationships. I, for one, want to believe that we meet people for a reason, and when it comes to break-ups one of the biggest lessons we can learn is getting to know what kind of relationship we don’t want to have ever again.

In time, when you feel ready to move on, then - and only then - can you start learning lessons from your past relationships. Look closer at the past without rose-tinted glasses, and you may realise that it was far from being utopian even to begin with. Did you like the way you had been treated by the end of the relationship? How much had you adjusted your personality to make her/him feel better about themselves and to make them feel needed when they were not giving anything back in return? How often would you take the time to listen to their self-absorbed monologues if it were anyone but them?! Would you, given the clarity of hindsight, allow yourself to be treated like that again?

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FEATURES

Our inability to take drugs in moderation, the rise of the YOLO generation and a live-fast-die-young attitude, all suggest that we may well be vastly unprepared for this new wave of consciousness-awaking drugs.

The

Last Trip You’ll Ever Want to Take

Psychotropics

are fast becoming high on every twenty-something’s bucket list. Either naturally found within plants (Ayahuasca) or, minimally within the brain (DMT) or created synthetically as ‘research drugs’, their popularity comes in the wake of a new wave of ‘Burning Man’ spirituality brazenly brought forward by hipster, self-styled sustainable millennials. These, and their more methodological, record-taking predecessors; pyschonauts (who follow the lead of Terence McKenna) are making hallucinogens big again, but what’s it all about this time around? The pseudo-shamanistic and spiritual self-awakening that our ‘60s free loving forefathers and mothers found in the hedonistic caps of magic mushrooms has been given a revamp through pscyhotropics. With an active dose starting at just a hundredth or thousandth of a gram, substances like aMT (a-Methyltrytamine) or

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(DMT) Dimethlytryptamine pack a punch. Linked to the levels of serotonin within the brain (the feel-good part of your anatomical make-up), one sniff, smoke or dose can last anywhere from three to fourteen hours. While Ayahuasca (or ‘Vine of Death’ as it is known in South America) is comprised of two plants from different parts of the Amazon rainforest which when brewed together induces a toxic purge of the body (30 minutes to an hour) followed by incredibly powerful and often lucid hallucinations. DMT, however, being less safeguarded as its laboratory cousin aMT and uncommonly used in spiritual, historic practices like Ayahuasca, is known to have unpredictable effects on each individual user. It is literally the stuff dreams are made of, but a frank word to the wise, how many dreams have you had where you are happy you finally woke up?

While, the exploits of psychonauts are well documented, Terence McKenna being the most well-known, many of their stories are riddled with cautionary tales of the abuse of such drugs, which are on the global rise. In the words of McKenna himself, “nothing in this world can prepare one for the impressions that fill your mind when you enter the DMT sensorium.” Unlike any other substances, these drugs are in every sense alien and mind altering. The ease of access to both the substances and ‘howto-guides’, has led to a rapid growth in both their popularity and use. aMT (the previously legal version of DMT) which was first developed as an antidepressant is now a Class A drug as of January 2015 in the British Isles. The ‘Go Hard or Go Home’ club culture of the United Kingdom is a dangerous setting for the expansion of psychotropics into North Western Europe. We don’t do anything in half measures; a young Brit (19 if you’re interested) died in Columbia of a heart attack after dropping 350mg of aMT. Our inability to take drugs in moderation, the rise of the YOLO generation and our live-fastdie-young attitude, inherited from the Cold War, all suggest that we may well be vastly unprepared for this new wave of consciousness-awaking drugs. In 2013/14 3% of adults in the UK admitted to taking class A drugs. Whilst this may seem insignificant (being only one million out of 60), the UK government’s attempts to raise awareness about incoming new drugs (amounting to only a refreshed page on FRANK) and their ‘generic’ prohibition efforts mean that sister drugs, copycats and potentially less well-documented psychotropics are slipping through the gaps.

This could be intensely dangerous as Drugscope’s Business as Usual 2014 report alluded; the UK is a country where most young and older adults take drugs when coerced by friends, trusting in their counterparts ability to guide them through the experience. The new psychotropics arriving on the scene lack both experienced psychonauts and rigorous lab testing. At a minimum, possession, use or friends’ use of all of the above, can get you a solid seven years behind bars. However, finding it online is currently easier than repeating your GP’s prescription. Much like the men and women who trained years to explore space, this is for many a leap into the great unknown. However unlike the astronauts who knew if they could withstand the g-force of an outer-orbit experience, many young ‘happy-go-lucky’ millennials are more like the poor sods who volunteered for Mars Colony venture. Regardless of our own physical ability many of us take a step *snort* out into that void of conscious-altering infusions, unaware, unprepared and wholly unsure if that jump into the abyss will have a soft or hard landing. When you get round to ticking off that bucket list, finally bungee jumping or taking that trip to Australia despite your chronic arachnophobia, just remember that the rabbit hole goes a lot deeper than the small drugs make you think. ‘You only live once’ also stresses the sanctity of life, not just inanely throwing it away. As McKenna himself wrote, “You are a divine being. You matter, you count.” By Dominic Younger

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FEATURES

cAn a

mAn?

Be a fEmiNisT -What were you before you were a suffragette? A spinster or a wife.

-What were you before you were a women’s liberationist? A raving mad militant woman who doesn’t know her place in society. -What were you before you were a feminist? A threat to the lingerie industry for simply burning bras. -What are you now? Well, I am not a feminist, but… According to recent studies the number of women willing to identify as feminists ranged from 11.4% to 26.6% despite the fact that most women in these studies supported feminist values. 63% of women in one study identiﬁed with the statement that, “I’m not a feminist, but I agree with some or most of the goals of the feminist movement”. The reasons behind this apparent aversion to being labelled a feminist has been debated at lengths and I think it’s safe to say that most people have a pretty good idea themselves as to

why it is so unappealing. A leading stereotype is that feminists are riotous, hairy, lesbian man-haters.

and subversive to a system of domination that oppresses people of all genders.

Clearly with an image like that it is no wonder that identiﬁcation with the cause is so low in today’s society. But, wait a minute, the stats don’t tell us the whole story and thank goodness for that. Long live feminism!

What is the place for men amidst all this? Feminist men do exist. Not only pro-feminist men who support the movement but men who identify as feminists. Sekai Machache from UoD’s FemSoc says that, “Feminism is a movement for equality so it would be wrong to suggest that men, whether they be cisgendered or otherwise, have no place in this”. This statement was nicely followed up with, “I do, however feel that it is important for women […] who suffer from oppression […] to have safe spaces available to them where they can share their experiences, work together to achieve common goals etc”.

Feminism is going through a period of revival, and some are calling it a fourth wave of feminism. Across UK universities there has been an upsurge in feminist societies, like Dundee’s very own FemSoc, who are not afraid of the old stigmas and are doing it their way. The internet has been the principal catalyst for the shift, with an increase in engagement with all genders and all social backgrounds possible, feminism is able to ﬁght the patriarchal society and all that it encompasses - today it seems to be about equality for all.

We have legal rights but sexism still exists, discrimination still exists and rights in law do not equate to rights in practice. With a shift in waves is it also time for a shift in labels? The ﬁght for economic, political and social equality for women has been called many things throughout history, to a certain level to shake off stigma, but you can never repeat the past. The issues that women are facing today are the same but different. We have legal rights but sexism still exists, discrimination still exists and rights in law do not equate to rights in practice. A fundamental reason for this is that equality for women is intrinsically linked to equality for all. Maternity rights only become truly enjoyable when paternity rights give couples the choice to share child-rearing. Thus feminism becomes the most radical movement

This appears to be a trade off between an all-inclusive feminism and one that is devoted to women’s equality. The allowance of men to enter the core of the feminist movement could be a threat to this notion of ‘safe spaces’ for women, where male presence in such a movement would lead to a dominance that defies female empowerment. Or perhaps gender divisions are far too restricting and this stage of feminism challenges not only patriarchy but also the significance of gender binaries. One thing is for sure, men have a role in the fight for equality for women; inclusivity and diversity are fast becoming descriptors of feminism. Men’s movements have been developing slowly. From ‘Men Can Stop Rape’ to the ‘LeanIn’ campaign there is a place for men to claim both equality for women and liberation for men too. But does the ‘fem’ in feminism need revamping to include these intersecting projects, or would that simply just be humanism?... That’s right. This is a fight for humanity on all fronts. Equality for all, and that includes men.

Kathryn Stribley 18 ISSUE 47

ISSUE 47 19

FEATURES

Graduation Blues and the Red Planet: A Giant Leap for Mankind, But is it the Right Small Step for You?

space toilet maintenance, and everything in between. Even if things go awry after training, you’ll have a stellar CV. You’d be among the first humans to

ith the recent announcement of the ‘Mars 100’ (the 100 successful applicants for the privately funded Mars One mission, which aims to establish a permanent human presence on Mars by 2025) our news streams have become permeated by interviews with and profi les of the (not-so) soon-to-be astronauts. Admittedly, Mars One’s fi nancial forecasts and its operational feasibility have been widely derided by virtually every scientific and technological institute which has taken the time to consider the mission seriously, including NASA and MIT. All the same, we are talking about it; putting humans on the red planet is becoming a serious (if somewhat distant) possibility. And to those on the run-up to graduation, it may seem most serious of all at five past midnight… Stepping briskly through the library doors and out into clouds of your own frozen breath, your thoughts turn (as they so often do during any quiet moment that you’re not nosedeep in Shakespeare, smothered by statistics or wading, knee-high, in exam revision) to that great, impending known unknown; the educated wilderness; for many, it is the infancy of adulthood; for others it will feel like having re-survived adolescence. You are thinking (yet again) of graduation, and beyond. The prospect looms over you, an inky-black dome: ever-present, with its ready-when-you-are smugness. It’s intimidating, and that’s whether it presents an unplanned no-man’s land or more defi nite terrain; uncertainty can be a real bitch but that’s not to say that those with solid knowledge of their next step necessarily have an easier time of this difficult juncture. The best-laid plans can often be the most imposing.

settle on another world: you could have a

lives. Yeah, there’s work to be done (make no mistake) but, for most, graduation is really more of a ‘when’ than an ‘if ’ scenario.

street named after you, or a Martian mountain! I mean we need to keep our feet on the ground… but you’d at least get your own Wikipedia page.

As you raise your eyes, the stiffness in your neck starts to ease and you see that the inky-blackness is punctured here and there with familiar constellations of possibility, their composite stars twinkling patiently: there! The cluster Postgradittarius; and there! The Great Boomerang, on its age-old trajectory back its parents’ house; The Intern Ship, bobbing freely (that is, unpaid) upon the waves of the cosmic ocean; ah! The Full-Time Barman, eternally counting his tips and, unmistakably, The Struggling Artist, scraping his galactic barrel.

Whether it presents an unplanned no-man’s land or more definite terrain; uncertainty can be a real bitch

It’s a solid response to your relatives’ interrogations and it’s something to do at least.

But are there any downsides to this intrepid enterprise? Historical success rates are, to be quite frank, not wholly reassuring. More than half of all missions to Mars (flybys, orbiters, landers and rovers, no manned missions have yet been attempted), have failed. From 1960 to 1969 Russia and the USA made 13 attempts with only three successes (all of them American). However, odds are strongly in favour of more recent efforts with 2001-2007 seeing a run of eight consecutive successful missions (including two rovers), broken in 2011 by the failed Russian/Chinese venture Fobos-Grunt/Yinghuo-1.

Probably should have mentioned this earlier, but it’s a ‘one-way ticket’ sort of deal: due to the limited resources available to the early settlers it’s highly unlikely you’ll have the option of returning to Earth ...and for the same reasons of austerity anything which could lead to the creation of babies (I’m thinking mainly of sex but am open to suggestions) could only be undertaken with the utmost premeditation and gravitas (but if that sort of thing launches your rocket, all the better). On balance, it seems fair to say that (apart from leaving your family, friends and birth-planet never to return and (possibly) having to give up (possibly) your favourite pastime forever and a middling chance of early death) there really aren’t that many cons to this plan. So, will it be your boot making some of humanity’s first impressions in the virgin ice-desert? Or will you be (boldly) going somewhere else entirely? Tweet praise, corrections, ridicule and offers of employment to @cammyrathie

Cameron Rathie

But then you see an object you don’t recognise, of an unfamiliar reddish hue... Just then it strikes you! A possibility so obvious you looked right past it: you should colonise Mars! Why didn’t you think of it sooner? Fool. Th ink of the benefits: Your life will be meticulously planned for decades to come, you’re going to space school!: Those of the ‘Mars 100’ who survive further selection will live and train together

Do not despair: thanks to the latest advances in treatment, 9 in 10 dissertation victims now survive submission, many of them going on to live long, full

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for 10 years prior to their intended 2025 landing; learning everything from first aid to

ISSUE 47 21

OPINION

STUPID PROBLEMS IN STUDENT POLITICS The posters have been pulled down, the banners have been recalled and the DUSA Spring Elections have gone by, but why should I care? There’s certainly a little irony in the environmental policies of someone handing out thousands of little bits of coloured paper that can be found strewn across campus in early March or late September, but the actual effort of these individuals must outweigh this, right? The SRC (Student Representative Council) comprises a variety of councillors, the school presidents and the DUSA Exec. Apparently there are roughly 40 students that we are supposed to recognise as our representation, yet the communication with them seems almost fallacious. Of course, they might happen to invite me to like their councillor page, but I certainly won’t trawl through the drivel of long meetings, politics and popularity contests so that I can feign my interest in a single person’s contributions and ramblings. Indeed, in midFebruary there was an ‘engagement week’ that certainly tried to let us know that there is an SRC, albeit one gunged, pizza-less and repeatedly hit in the face with a dodgeball. How can the representatives truly demonstrate our views if we are not engaged as a student body? They say nothing unites us like a common cause, so which common cause stands out as the problem? Maybe the only way to properly engage a student body is uproar!

The last DUSA AGM was met with an appalling turnout. Yet, the most signiﬁcant turnout in recent times would be, in my humble opinion, the banning of the Sun in the Premier. Suddenly a good number of students rallied behind the ﬂags of both feminism and good journalism. However, our student body has not been rife with contested issues since.

Maybe the only way to properly engage a student body is uproar! Perhaps this means that the councillors are doing their job well enough that these problems get solved further up the chain before the student body revolts. Wi-Fi in student halls, microwaves in the library and 24-hour access in exam times are all issues brought forth by the SRC, without a referendum. Perhaps if the SRC takes the next year off, we will have a couple of issues to rally behind? Or perhaps your voice is what we need to make real change? For more information on the SRC, visit dusa.co.uk If you would like to get involved, email DeputyPresident@Dusa.co.uk

S O, W H AT DO YOU STUDY? There is one group of students we all secretly harbour a prejudice against. The students whose very degree subject renders instant resentment from the rest of us; the students whose general demeanour, cliquey social life and apparent subculture emulate the disparity between the normal students and their self-confessed disparities. Art Students. No sorry, I meant Medical Students.

I inhale deeply. “I’m a medic.”

Picture this; I’m at one of many social events as a young student with an active private life and totally enough friends to ﬁll a house party. I manage to pluck up the courage and inebriation to talk to some strangers. We exchange pleasantries and discuss the formalities of alcoholism. Then they deal the kicker: “So, what do you study?” I inhale deeply. “I’m a medic.” There are two common replies: “Oh, but you’re like… not a jerk” (hopefully, rather than the “oh, that makes sense”). Or the second reply “Oh, but you’re out?” is a little more pleasant, implying I actually do something with my day. Both of these play directly into some old clichés that medical students are anything but normal

students. Cliquey? Sure, medics spend most of their time together but that’s because they have such an immersive degree; they can’t bitch about patients to a historian. Grandiose? Yeah, okay maybe. It’s difficult to come through the selection process for medical school whilst maintaining a shred of modesty. Hardworking? Hah. Sure medics can be hardworking, but you can revise art in intricate detail if you really want to. It’s definitely a personality thing. Okay, maybe they are different. But medics are here for a ridiculous five (or six) years (sorry architects). If you had to stay in Dundee for that length of time, wouldn’t you set up camp with a clique of friends? I’m not saying that you should run out and find the closest medical student because they make such perfect friends, not at all. Medics are drama central. But please have a little common decency when we admit that we have given our lives to pretend to care about others. If you want to hate on someone, the dentists get paid more.

JB Fyfe

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CURRENT AFFAIRS

PARLEZ-VOUS FRANÇAIS?

arlez-vous Français? A common phrase most can understand but one that nonetheless many Scots fail to respond to in the afﬁrmative. Latest statistics released by Scotland’s National Centre for Languages show that the traditionally taught modern languages (French, German and Spanish) are all struggling to recruit candidates, with German being the only one to see a slight increase in 2013. The newer linguistic additions to our schools’ syllabuses, such as Mandarin, Urdu and Russian, are witnessing an increase but, in the same year, none of them gained more than 78 entrants..This trend of fewer and fewer Scots studying languages is mirrored at university level where many classes see a greater composition of students from south of the border and abroad. For many, such statistics are not a problem. Indeed the only real incident in recent times was when Tory MSP Murdo Fraser stated that no one spoke French except the French. Nevertheless, at the same time, he urged for other languages to be taught. These comments were quickly dismissed by Frenchman-turn-scottishnationalist MSP Christian Allard. Ironically, both were right and wrong in their convictions.

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It prevents that awkward miming you do on holiday which sees you end up with chicken rather than a salad Fraser was right to recognise that there are other languages to be taught but wrong to dismiss French. Allard was similarly correct to defend his native language but wrong not to criticise the Government, as he himself holds a poor record on the matter. Despite eight years in power, the SNP’s promotion of language learning has been shockingly bad. Under Salmond their main contribution was to spend £25m on the promotion of Gaelic. Don’t get me wrong, whilst I embrace the promotion of our heritage, given that only 58,000 Scots speaks Gaelic such a sum seems alarmingly disproportionate. Nicola Sturgeon, however, has been in ofﬁce for fewer than 200 days so there is still time for action. If her current policies and aims are anything to go by investment in languages seems a long way down her list of priorities. Yet such an investment would allow her to tick off one

of her goals as First Minister. From the moment she took ofﬁce she made it her goal to combat gender inequality so that more women are able to gain access to jobs such as engineering and the boardroom. While tackling inequality is a move I fully support, if we are going to do it, at least let’s do it properly and across the board. Currently boys are outnumbered in foreign languages classes by girls and it’s a trend replicated when it comes to Modern Language teachers. Instead of nitpicking when it comes to choosing what subject areas to invest in, why not invest in all subject across the board and encourage men into languages and women into those areas they are most underrepresented in?

The longer we wait to change things, the greater the gap of apathy will become

Admittedly, not every language learner is going to go on to use their skills in everyday professions, save for teaching and translation. But learning a language gives you so much more. For one it prevents that awkward miming you do on holiday which sees you end up with chicken rather than a salad. It also allows you to understand new cultures and diverse ways of thinking. However, perhaps above all, it’s the polite thing to do, even if you can only say the basics, it is those basics which go a long way. Or as Nelson Mandela put it, “If you speak to a man in a language he understands, that goes to his head. If you talk to him in his language, that goes to his heart.” The longer we wait to change things, the greater the gap of apathy will become. Education was devolved to the Scottish Parliament since its creation, so really there is no excuse. Now is the time to ensure we do not allow the youngest generation of our society to become another post-imperial generation of monolinguals.

Euan Forbes

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CURRENT AFFAIRS

Caracas is in crisis, and its over-reliance on oil taxation means that, when prices collapse, as they have, the Venezuelan economy takes a whack. The Government under both Chavez and Maduro has undoubtably been guilty of human rights violations and frequently engaged in the suppression of civil society. However these indiscretions pale in comparison to the US’s role in the content. Take for example, the 1973 coup d’état that brought the murderous General Augusto Pinochet to power, or Ronald Raegan’s funding of the raping, pillaging Contra militias in Nicaragua in direct defiance of Congress. America’s record of interference in Central and South America is staggering and only a fool would contend that Obama’s interest in human rights is genuine. Just take a look at the Middle East where Obama and Foreign Secretary John Kerry welcomed the fraudulent election of former army chief Abdel Fattah al-Sisi in Egypt. Sisi had just ousted Egypt’s first ever democratically elected President and was in the process of rolling back the partial liberalisation induced by the Arab Spring. Furthermore, Obama’s continued support for the theocratic monarchy in Saudi Arabia, who administer justice with the Koran in one hand and the sword in the other, is further evidence of Washington’s selective interpretation of human rights.

Last month President Barack Obama announced a fresh batch of economic sanctions on the beleaguered Venezuelan Government of Nicolas Maduro for the latter’s “intimidation of political opponents.” Obama went on to state that Venezuela poses “an extraordinary threat to the national security of the U.S.” Such language used by the President seems to be quite fantastical, given that the Venezuelan regime (according to the White House) can barely feed its own people. 26 ISSUE 47

The US has history in Venezuela. In 2002 it funded and trained opposition groups who temporarily forced the then President Hugo Chavez from office, at the barrel of a gun. Despite this ardent display of aggression the truth is that United States’ soft power in South America is in terminal decline. Brazil is top-dog in the hemisphere, with Chinese investment also increasing rapidly. Unilateral displays of power from Washington only hasten this deterioration and contradict earlier sentiments of goodwill, like the gradual normalisation of relations with Cuba. A young Senator from Illinois even made the point that sanctions on Cuba had the effect of impoverishing the mass of the people whilst consolidating Castro’s grip on the country. Sanctions on Cuba, and Iran for that matter, allowed Castro and the Ayatollah to foster a siege mentality. They were able to effectively tell their people that their poverty and suffering was

a direct consequence of US imperialism and solidify their own authority by acting as a bulwark against it. It was for this reason that Obama, to his credit, reversed the decades-long policy of sanctions and blockade on Cuba and has began the process of normalising relations with a state which, for some time, has posed no threat to the US

This was not the only route available to the President. There was an opportunity to work with other South American countries to resolve the crisis in Venezuela. For some time now the tide has been turing against Venezuela, with allies in the region growing frustrated at the ineptitude of the Maduro Government. Daniel Wilkinson, the Managing Director of Americas Watch, which has been sharply critical of Venezuela since at least 2008, said: “Until very recently, most countries in the region were reluctant to say anything about Venezuela. If this is just US sanctions, and the US is doing it on its own, then it’s much easier for Venezuela to play the victim card. That’s why it’s really important for the US government to be working with other democratic governments in the region to make this more of a collective.” Alas, the advice of Mr Wilkinson has not been heeded and Obama has instead endeavoured to pursue a foreign policy of militant unilateralism. With Congress falling entirely into Republican hands and Obama’s chances of significant domestic reform extremely limited, foreign policy was thought to be the only viable way for the President to build a legacy. Unfortunately, he seems to be operating with the same combination of incoherence and heavy handedness that most of his recent predecessors have specialised in. Lewis Wotherspoon

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SCIENCE

G OT S C I E NC E? This Month’s Sci-Tech Groundbreakers

If Only Lasers Could Turn My Eyes Blue… Have you ever looked at those pools of mud in your eyes, and wished they were as blue as the sky above us? Well, wish no more! You can now pay $5000 to join the lucky 17% of the global population whose eyes are as blue as... something blue. (I have run out of imagery). Scientists at Stroma Medical, California, now offer a laser procedure that eliminates the brown melanin present in the anterior layer of the iris, leaving the eyes a beautiful baby blue (after weeks of recovery, where the dead cells have to drain out of your eyes). So if you fancy a wee change, and have the dolla’ to spare, jet yourself over to California!

5G, Saying Goodbye to ‘Buffering’ If you think that the new-fangled 4G connection on your phone is impressive, just wait until 5G hits you. Researchers at the University of Surrey’s 5G Innovation Centre have managed a data speed of 1tbps (terabit per second). If that means nothing to you, it is the equivalent of being able to download one hundred full-length feature films in the space of 3 seconds. Yep, you heard that right…The race is on to get 5G operational, with Samsung hoping to have it developed and trialled for the 2018 Winter Olympic Games.

‘White and Gold’ or ‘Blue and Black’? The question that plagued social media for approximately 48 hours, divided the masses and created the aggressive camps of ‘Black and Blue’ and ‘White and Gold’, all before everyone lost interest and assumed they were just plain crazy. I will admit, I grudged giving the space on this page to something that seemed so stupid at the time, however it did have some interesting scientific evidence to support why people are seeing different colours. It all simply comes down to how our brains process colours depending on the light conditions. Our brain has the ability to remove colours to get a realistic interpretation of an object’s true colour. So, the colours purely depend on how your brain is interpreting the light levels, as you look upon this evil dress. I am glad science came through to explain the mystery, as I saw every shade on that bloody dress, and thought for a whole 10 minutes that I was going insane.

TI ME BANDI TS iPhone users haven’t had it easy over the years. Since the rise of their arch nemeses ‘the droids’, they’ve endured many a scathing ridicule. Further attacks have come from far and wide. Be that a liberal guilt trip about slave labour, hexane poisoning and suicide nets at Chinese component factories, the undeletable games centre, newsstand, health app and U2. And they talk about Samsung’s bloatware… “Well actually, nothing can be as bad as Shamsung’s bloatware,” snorted the Apple fanboy. “Hmm, how big an SD card does your iPhone take?” burned the Galaxy fanboy… According to leading scholars, this is the clearest definition of the irresistible force paradox. So now that the smartphone market has saturated like a ten sugar tea, companies are thinking ‘What now?’ Someone sneezed in a boardroom meeting and it sounded like they said ‘watches’, so here we are. The idea, in a nutshell is to wear a smaller and crapper ver-

Someone sneezed in a boardroom meeting and it sounded like they said ‘watches’, so here we are

sion of your device as an interface for your superior device. This saves you time and the strain of pulling your phone out of a pocket, bag, bra or marsupium. It allows certain commands to be sent to your cellular mothership that saves you precious seconds. Throw out your dumbwatch, here comes the smartwatch. There are many different models about, Samsung, LG, Motorola, Pebble and now even Apple have arrived, fashionably late as always. For any iPhone user who has missed all the fuss about Apple’s new accessory, you will be alerted to it on your next software update which includes *drum roll* an undeletable watch interface app. Who needs one of these things, seriously? Anyone I know that either has or wants a smartwatch is delusional about their own popularity/importance, believing their lives are so hectic and fast-paced that they need this solution to quickly deal with all their

Andrew Stewart

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SCIENCE

important notifications. I know this, because for a brief spell, I was one of these losers. I spent around for two months with a Moto 360 on the wrist of my noodley left arm. While it seemed in many ways a huge improvement aesthetically on things like the Galaxy Gear, I still felt like I’d fallen for some kind of practical joke. The first time I got a phonecall it activated in what could be described (at a push) as a meeting, I discovered the Moto 360 is far from discreet. In a quiet environment, phone vibrations in pockets are common and if not too persistent, rest on the right side of social acceptability. On the wrist, this vibration is like firing up a dildo ‘til the clunky Android ‘Wear’ software reacts to your desperate palm cover gesture. I might add this leaves no palm free to bury your shamed beetroot face into. Aside from this aspect, I found that I spent more time setting the goddamn thing up every day and making sure it was charged. All it ended up doing was highlighting how much I don’t need one.

the battery life is a measly 18 hours and, depending on the model, it can look anything from a toy to gaudy costume jewellery

For all my bad experience with Android’s early offering, Apple does seem to have a sleeker experience lined up for their watch. It’s also more expensive and, aside from a few Apple user only interaction gimmicks, basically, it comes down to the same question: who is actually that busy? Well, a lot of people like to think they are. Apple users are indoctrinated further into the view of life they are fed. People watch flashy keynotes and think they’ll feel important like the men/ women on the stage, and their life will become more exciting like the people taking the example photographs of exotic locations and sharing them without giving a shit about hefty roaming charges because those guys/girls are rich like the guy/girl watching is planning to be once he/she gets his/her electronics in order. Phew, you’ve got nothing on me here, gender equality police!

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Out of a quasi-religious devotion, mainly due to these subconscious mind-games, many an iPhone devotee is threatening to wear an Apple watch to show us all how busy yet efficient they are at life. In true Apple style, they’ve let other companies cross the minefield first before settling on a design. And yes, they have pulled it off to some extent. They certainly seem to have the edge here in terms of vibrations (claiming to be no more than a tap on your wrist) and based on my own experience with the Moto 360, I can see why the navigation crown on the side of the device would be useful over a fully touch screen experience. On the downside, the battery life is a measly 18 hours and, depending on the model, it can look anything from a toy to gaudy costume jewellery. Those who opt for the £10k plus Gold model might feel a cut above the rest now, but you’re going to be unceremoniously chiselling out the components and flogging the casing to one of those shady ‘cash for gold’ guys in a few years time. Despite my strong belief that no earthly being really needs a smartwatch, other than to save them a few minutes a day that they could save by having a more economical bathroom routine, I think if I had bought one from the real innovators, Pebble, I would still be wearing it right now. Pebble went for function first and foremost. A battery life of seven days, physical buttons, 100% customisability. It’s the sort of watch that integrates with your life by not being too intrusive. You can ease it in slowly. Slowly, now. That’s it.

The same week as Apple announces release date for their watch, Pebble took once again to Kickstarter with something that blows Apple out of the water. Pebble’s latest models, ‘Time’ and ‘Time Steel’, will have a colour screen with plastic or steel casing, the same lengthy battery life as the original and a new sleeker operating system. Most interesting of all is the prospect of the ‘Smartstrap’. This allows for add-ons ranging from a heart rate monitor to a GPS receiver. GPS, which no smartwatch has thus far, would enable you to go out for a run and track your position without the need to bring your phone, operating like any GPS sports watch but with the added benefit of a detailed synchronization of your workouts to your phone afterwards, leaving you plenty to show the grandkids.

all you iPhoneys should consider a one-way trip to a Swiss clinic All in all, smartwatches equal pointless technology, 1980s style. No matter what I say though, these things will sell millions. So just as an addendum, I don’t harbour judgment on any mobile user. That said, all you iPhoneys should consider a one-way trip to a Swiss clinic. What better a time than now? You get your watch, then what? Boom, the iPhone 6S comes out smack bang in the middle of your current contract. You can’t afford to buy it outright. The horror. The horror.

Kyle Cuthbert

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Moments FASHION

FASHION

FASHION WEEK Across all three fashion weeks, there were plenty of trends on the catwalks that we are currently seeing in high street shops at the moment which is very good news for us!

Above Right: Hunter’s first ever runway (complete with rain) Above Left: Ben Stiller and Owen Wilson at Valentino Below: Topshop Unique’s powerful front row with Cara Delevingne and Kendall Jenner

Kanye West: SMILING for Ralph Lauren

hether you were clicking through the endless Snapchat stories in a desperate attempt to get them to just go away, or if it was the surprise announcement of Zoolander 2 at Valentino that caught your attention, you will definitely be aware that there has been some kind of fashion show going on. In the fashion world, these are the most exciting few weeks of the year, which occur biannually: once in spring for the Autumn/Winter collections, and once in autumn for the following Spring/Summer collections. Models, make-up teams, the press and celebrities all flock to fashion capitals London, New York, Milan and Paris

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Kim Kardashian’s blond hair revelation

to partake in the hundreds of shows hosted by fashion designers or “houses.” Valentino has been hogging the headlines after the cameo appearances of Ben Stiller and Owen Wilson on the runway to announce their latest movie Zoolander 2. All publicity stunts aside though, the Valentino collection was not one to dismiss, with its strong focus on monochrome which is set to be big for Autumn/Winter 2015. Across all three fashion weeks, there were plenty of trends on the catwalks that we are currently seeing in high street shops at the moment – which is very good news for us!

It means that most of what you’re buying can be worn right through autumn and winter, and still keep you looking on trend. The 70’s trend which has been all over the high street recently was seen on numerous runways for Autumn/Winter 2015, including big names such as Burberry, Chloé, Dior and Roberto Cavalli. The runways are not the only place to take inspiration from during fashion weeks as the street style that can be seen between shows is always something to take note of. From well-known fashion bloggers to stylists, the outfits snapped on the streets surrounding the venues provide the perfect inspiration for channelling catwalk trends by styling high treet (or generally less expensive) pieces. Pinterest is a great way to collate images of street-style that you quite like the look of for future reference, or when you’re having one of those “I’ve got nothing to wear!” days. All in all, this season’s fashion weeks have been a tremendous success, and there is no doubt that everyone has been able to find at least one little piece of style inspiration to take away with them I know I have!

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FASHION

DJCAD Textile Designer: Lewis Scott Looking to make his mark in the fashion world with his textile work is DJCAD student Lewis Scott and where better to showcase future talent than here in the fashion section of the Magdalen? Only 23 years old and originally from Edinburgh, Lewis, who will be graduating this June, has already been offered a place on the Masters degree in Fashion and Textiles at Glasgow School of Art. Looking further ahead, Lewis is hoping to start work as a freelance designer as well as establishing a name for himself by creating his own design business. When asked about the potentially stifling employment in the industry, he said “As long as I enjoy what I’m doing and don’t feel like I’m sacrificing my creative, colourful eye then that is good for me.” Lewis’s final year work will be displayed at the Degree Show and is titled ‘Soul of a City’; be sure to go check it out!

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FASHION

SOCIETIES

PRODUCTS OF THE MONTH

With summer just around the corner it is safe to say the time has come to reward our skin for the endless all-nighters and coffee addictions of the past few months which have wreaked havoc on our complexions.

Mental Health Society Nicole Carter

Vitamin E Aqua Boost Sorbet from The Body Shop £12 I have long been a lover of The Body Shop’s Vitamin E range, with its pretty pink packaging and sweet subtle scent. This range is a nourishing gift from above and the Sorbet is no exception. I recently purchased this product as I wanted to try a moisturiser which was a bit different, and this one certainly is. The point of this aptly named Sorbet is that it instantly cools the face and makes it feel all tingly and refreshed - perfect for those long, hot summer days! The label claims to offer 24-hour hydration and, as someone with combination skin whose face tends to dry out in certain areas, I can say it most certainly delivers!

Since becoming an afﬁliated society last semester, the Mental Health Society has strived to actively reduce the stigma surrounding mental illness, promote mental well-being and fundraise for the local Dundee Association for Mental Health. Mental health may be deﬁned simply as a person’s psychological and emotional wellbeing. We aim to create greater awareness of how students can look after their mental health and emphasise how important it is.

Maybelline Colour Drama Lip Pencils £4.99 each

‘Give your skin a break and treat it to some R&R made easy by the products we’re loving this month!’

If you are looking for a way to up your lip game but without the maintenance of actual lipstick, then look no further than these little beauties. They are described as lip pencils, but are obviously a lot thicker than your standard pencil and have a much creamier texture which can be easily used to ﬁll in the whole lip! The real selling point of this product, as well as its ridiculously affordable price tag, is the range of colours available! Currently there are 10 shades, and each one is as good as the next. My particular favourites are ‘Keep it Classy’, a deep berry pink, and ‘Nude Perfection’, a subtle, pretty nude. I cannot recommend these pencils enough so snap ‘em up and create your new summer look!

Aromatherapy Associates Rose Radiance Skin Serum £40 Everyone should have a good skin serum on the go, and at the pricier end of the scale is the magniﬁcent Aromatherapy Associates version. This high-end brand is used in spas and, as the name suggests, it smells absolutely divine. The Rose serum is designed to energise skin and encourage elasticity and renewal, which as you can expect at such a price, it certainly does. It is such a gift for the skin, so if you have some money to splash or a birthday coming up then this could be the ideal treat for you!

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Leona Reid

At times, people may become psychologically unwell, much the same as individuals become physically unwell. Unfortunately, becoming mentally unwell has an unnecessary stigma surrounding it. But with further understanding and discussion around campus and schools we will break down this stigma. As a society we are pleased to have seen the conversation grow on campus by students getting involved in our ‘Time to Talk Day’, ‘University Mental Health Day’ and our ‘Speak Out’ session dedicated to voicing experiences of mental ill health. The society has also strengthened connections between students and staff by liaising with the Enquiry Centre, as well as the Counselling, Health and Disability Services. We aim to continue raising awareness of these great services available to support students through the struggles of University.

Distraction boxes are a popular outlet for individuals to store pictures Distraction boxes are a popular outlet for individuals to store pictures, event tickets or any objects and memories which help them reﬂect on the positives during emotionally draining days. These will be available for a small donation. The society will also be providing useful tips for helping maintain a healthy mind during the stressful period of exams. These will be posted via our Facebook and Twitter accounts and hopefully displayed within the library. Students are also encouraged to add their own suggestions. If you would like to learn more about the society or any further information on services available to students please do not hesitate to email: mentalhealthsoc_uod@outlook.com.

The society will be supporting students during the exam period by continuing and increasing our involvement in the Healthy Study campaign run by the SRC and One Water Dundee. In particular, the society will be producing distraction boxes, also known as memory boxes.

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SOCIETIES

s n ra

e e d n u

s some of you are no doubt aware, Sexpression Dundee has recently launched a campaign to raise awareness of transgender issues on Dundee campus and wider afield. As part of that, we thought we’d ask some people to share their stories about being trans! What does it mean to be transgender? A transgender person is anyone whose gender is not the same as the gender that was put on their birth certificate. There are lots of different identities that are included under the definition of trans; the following stories are just a couple of examples.

Being non-binary: I’ve been trying to fit into gender “boxes” since childhood. I liked Barbies and make up, but I also liked my older brother’s action men. As I grew older, gender stereotypes bugged me more and more - by the time I was a teenager I was actively pushing against my femininity. I refused to wear pink, or dresses. However, I soon found myself yearning for my lost femininity. My confusion led me to the internet - I searched until I found someone asking the same questions as me: “what makes someone a boy or a girl?” “What if I don’t feel like either or if I feel like both?” Someone replied asking “have you ever considered identifying as non-binary?” As soon as I saw that phrase my eyes widened: here was a term for not wanting to identify as a man or a woman. Here were hundreds of people just as confused by gender as I am who didn’t feel like they fall into being a man or a woman. To me personally, gender is a spectrum with man and woman at either side and I float around the centre of it, sometimes swaying from side to side. Every non binary person presents differently: some prefer masculine presentation, some aim to be androgynous; others are most comfortable with femininity. It can be difficult to be who we are in this very binary society. People around me automatically identify me as either male or female. This needs to stop. We should be defined by who we are and not our by our gender.

A day in the life: Whenever I tell people I’m transgender, they normally say something to the tune of: “Oh wow! I can’t imagine what that must be like.” So, I thought I’d take a moment to give some insight into how I feel most days living as a trans woman in Scotland. You know those people at the circus who run around spinning plates on top of sticks - sweating profusely and praying they don’t mess up? Well I feel like that person every time I step outside... except I know that if I fail, I could be shunned, booed or physically harmed as a result. You see, “passing” is the ability to walk down the street and interact with people, without them questioning your gender. To do this successfully I must constantly self analyse everything about myself. I must take great care with my clothes, hair and makeup; intricately control my body language, how I sit, stand, walk and run; analyse how I speak, including the pitch, tone, resonance, and intonation of my voice. I do this all the while knowing that at any point I could be “clocked” as transgender, potentially causing discrimination, harmful words or outright violence towards myself. “But if it’s so hard and dangerous, why do it?” I hear you ask. It’s simple. Living and being recognised as my desired gender, my true self, is worth every moment of stress, every harsh word and every savage blow I have ever suffered. This is just one of the many unsung strengths of trans people, and is why I am proud to be trans.

How can you be more trans inclusive? • Always respect someone’s choice of name and pronouns • Avoid invasive questions like “How do you have sex?” or “Do you have a penis?” • Avoid using binary gendered language like “he/her” or “boys and girls.” Use inclusive language like “they” or “everyone” instead. • Be respectful of other people and their identities If you have any questions about transgender issues, or if you are questioning your own gender identity and want some support, feel free to get in touch with us at TransAndIntersexDundee@gmail.com We have also just started a Trans group in Dundee. This is open to anyone that is trans, non-binary, questioning, or who just wants to learn to be a better ally and keep updated on our awareness campaign. You can ﬁnd us by searching “Trans Dundee” on Facebook.

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SOCIETIES

SPORTS

DUNDEE VARSITY

VARSITY 2015

DOMINATING On the 11th of March, Dundee University hosted the annual clash between Dundee and Abertay, also known as Varsity. It could be said that every year this event is a reminder of Dundee’s dominance rather than an even competition. This year was no different as Dundee came out clear winners winning 10-4 overall including wins in Women’s Volleyball, Netball, Men and Women’s Basketball, Cricket, Swimming and Women’s Hockey and Men’s football.

The Women’s Basketball team had a closer affair edging out Abertay 47:40, only pulling away in the ﬁnal quarter. DUWBC coach said, “It was an exciting game that was close throughout. Both teams fought hard. We had a good come back during the second quarter and it was close near the end of the third and in the fourth quarter. Everyone in our team whether they played 5 minutes or 20 minutes had a vital contribution and had a great performance!” Meanwhile, the Men’s Basketball team came out on top but it wasn’t an easy victory, as Abertay were close behind for the ﬁrst three quarters and it was only in the last 15 minutes that Dundee smashed the win (7953) with Boris Matrakov scoring with 32 points alone.

OPSOC This year’s production from Dundee University’s homegrown, ever talented OPSOC was the musical comedy The Addams Family directed by Chris Tomlinson. The show ran a total of four nights and was by all accounts, a roaring success. Here is just a taster of the thespian talent, for a full review ﬁnd it on www.dusamedia.com . 40 ISSUE 47

Netball’s encounter with their Abertonian rivals was a similar story. Abertay’s team were close behind after the ﬁrst 2 quarters with Dundee losing their wing defence to a broken angle, however Dundee managed to crank it up a gear and secured a comfortable win. Women’s Volleyball was an equally surprising turn of events. Having failed to beat the strong Abertay team in the league all season, and going 1 set down it looked as if this losing streak wasn’t about to change, however Dundee came back to score 3-1 in an impressive win!

IT COULD BE SAID THAT EVERY YEAR THIS EVENT IS A REMINDER OF DUNDEE’S DOMINANCE RATHER THAN AN EVEN COMPETITION Down at Riverside the rain was lashing down in a scrappy affair between the Dundee Football 3rds and Abertay 2nds, which saw a red card and a broken ﬁnger. In what was looking likely to be a goal-less draw, Michael Hunter picked up a loose back-pass and slid the ball to David Orlandi who secured the 1-0 victory for Dundee. Back at ISE the Dundee Cricket team set a total of 113 runs and when Abertay stepped up to bat, Dundee quickly bowled out their ﬁrst 5 batsmen with ease. Making any chance of a catch up nigh on impossible. It was only a matter of time before Dundee secured the win. The 8th Annual Varsity was nothing short of being a showcase for the University of Dundee’s sporting prowess. Proving once more that we are the best in Tayside.

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