ADVICE

GREAT EXPECTATIONS

WHEN ALL THE SPECULATION, PREPARATION AND ANTICIPATION HAS ENDED IN THE MOST WONDERFUL WEDDING YOU EVER DREAMED OF, THE EXPECTATION SETS IN.

Now you are actually married and it’s time for all the plans and promises you made to yourselves for a perfect marriage to spring into action. But, it might be wise to rethink the optimistic expectations that seemed so simple and real when you were first together. Life, people and circumstances, do not stay the same. Some of the conditions and dynamics of your life together will, inevitably, change. So for any marriage to be happy and successful it is essential that these expectations are adapted, as necessary from anniversary to anniversary.

The high expectations couples have when they start married life mean they sometimes put huge pressure on each other, and themselves. Without meaning to they can up their hopes and efforts unrealistically. And the first obstacle, disagreement or misunderstanding they have will be shattering; especially if they have yet to have a ‘ row to end all rows’ or, worse still, have promised each other that they will never fight!

Setting more realistic expectations is not a compromise on the perfection marriage because, believe it or not, the definition of a perfect marriage will alter a bit as the anniversaries go by. So set all expectations based on simple realities, like maintaining a loving, supportive and respectful relationship.

Which brings to mind the fatal expectation many brides or grooms have that, once married, they can ‘cure’ their partner of any habits they dislike. Make that mistake and it’s a recipe for disaster, even if it may work for a month or two.

Expect and be willing to work around each other’s likes and dislikes, interests and weird quirky ways, or don’t even think of living happily ever after.

Set possible goals and encourage ambitions, but don’t base the success of a married relationship only on the achievement any of these. Expectations that fail for whatever reason should not be allowed to ruin the actual marriage. It’s far better that a marriage compensates for expectations that don’t quite make the grade, and encourages new more achievable ones.

Like everything in life marriage is what you put into it. When there are times that the effort seems to outweigh the results go back to what your current expectations are, as a couple, and decide if their importance risks the quality of your life.

Today it can be too easy to drift along complaining that everything seems to conspire against us. But the, for want of a better word, partnership that is marriage can be the perfect way to meet whatever life throws at us, and fulfill all our expectations.