ADVICE

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MARRIAGE VOWS MENTION ALL THE SITUATIONS AND EMOTIONAL CIRCUMSTANCES IN WHICH COUPLES MAY FIND THEMSELVES AND WHEN THEIR TOGETHERNESS WILL BE MOST IMPORTANT. TODAY WE ARE EXPERIENCING WHAT THESE VOWS REALLY REFER TO, AND HOW HAVING EACH OTHER HAS NEVER SEEMED SO IMPORTANT.

Covid restrictions and the results of these, are affecting our lives now, and will do in the future, in ways we are only gradually discovering. Togetherness as a couple will be one of the greatest ways to cope.

For better or worse lockdown measures in Malta don’t seem to have been nearly as thorough as those in many countries. Society here hasn’t the same sense of responsibility or self preservation as more disciplined nations. Policies can be easily influenced, lack of experience and reliable information can lead to an inability to make responsible decisions and find solutions.

While our freedom is curtailed, even by measures designed to keep us safe, we look for compensations, ways round it, substitutes for what we are missing. Having adapted to living together 24/7 and established a way of life that suits us very nicely thanks, everything has changed; for us and everyone else.

And this is actually quite drastic. Everything we took for granted is skewed. It’s not even worth saying what,and how, here because we all have a personal take on it. Trying to carry on as normal is not the answer because there is no normal anymore. And we are still trying to find a new normal that doesn’t seem to be rather threatening and depressing.

But, as a couple it can be easier. It’s even quite fun to look for, imagine and create ways of making up for the things we cannot do for now. It’s certainly better to be with someone you love when there are, or certainly should be, so few ways to meet up with friends and family like we used to.

If you are working from home you have probably discovered that this isn’t the easy way out a lot of people may think it is. Make space for one another. It takes patience and an understanding of what a partner needs to do their job in such circumstances, and this may need some working out.

Discuss what’s going on, how it affects you and how you will cope. Uncertainty in the early years of marriage is scary but going over possibilities, good and bad is really helpful. It’s a chance to anticipate, prepare and plan for what could happen. Stay careful so you do not worry your partner. Whatever ‘facts’ are going around, no one is immune. And we already know that some adverse effects of the illness don’t end with a negative test.

The good thing is marriage is one state where social distancing isn’t necessary.

Work closely on joint projects in your home. Take every opportunity you can to hold hands, hug and get physical. The clocks have gone back so warm up the darker,colder evenings together with a home-cooked supper, or takeaway. Stream your entertainment, or guzzle a good old box set. Create a date night vibe, play games, or just talk.

Log and record all the simple, or weird and wonderful ways you are managing,so you can tell the grandkids what you did in the time of Covid-19. And, very important, keep your daily expectations small. Plan all the things you look forward to doing when we can all go from A to B easily again. Stay in touch with far-away friends and family. And enjoy the extraordinary time you can have alone. It will prove priceless.

We at Villa Arrigo are abiding by all the safety regulations