MOVE issue 14 by The Maneater Student Newspaper

MOVE

12.09.11 VOLUME 10, ISSUE 14

THE KEY TO YOUR ENTERTAINMENT

IN THIS ISSUE + HO HO HO,

IT'S MAGIC

Shakespeare's lights up Ninth Street with its own Christmas tree.

THE SHOWS MUST GO ON

CoMo stragglers can fight boredom with these local concerts.

+ YOU'LL SHOOT

YOUR EYE OUT

First-person shooters Modern Warfare 3 and Battlefield 3 go head to head.

f o e l b a t s t n e t n o c 12.09.2011 03

BEST OF THE YEAR Albums, Singles, TV shows, Movies Best/Worst fashion

BEST OF THE YEAR

People of the year Five signs of the apocalypse Fame-splosions

BEST OF THE YEAR Top Twitter feeds Internet phenomena

Winter break concerts Modern Warfare 3 vs. Battlefield 3 Shakespeare's technicolor tree Christmas weekend movies

/staff

move editor / joel samson berntsen editor-in-chief / travis cornejo managing editor / katie moritz copy chief / nate atkins production manager / ashley lane photo editor / james militello designers/ ashley lane, savannah kannberg writers/ brandon foster, christine cauthen, drew koch, dylan chapman, robert langellier, alex stewart, madeline kuennen, angie andera, avenly jones, jimmy hibsch, greg lindsey, savannah smith, pierce courchaine

12.09.11 • MOVE

LETTER FROM THE EDITOR

All My Friends / Crew Love / Make Me Proud

It’s like Scarlett Johansson asked me out on a date, and then we dated for a while, and then I was like “Um, yeah, Scarlett? I think we need to see other people.” That’s what it feels like to be leaving as MOVE magazine editor. It’s like I’m about to marry the girl of my dreams and then leaving her at the altar … so I can go to community college, which is what I’m doing. I’m leaving a magazine I fell in love with to take basic biology courses and study state government, because it’s free and I don’t like the prices of MU’s courses. But, just like T-800, I’ll be back. I want a journalism degree from MU. But when I get back, it’s not going to be the same, or at least, it’s not going to be this semester. Running this publication has taught me more than any journalism course I’ve ever taken. And man, holy Manfred Mann, the people I have worked with have probably had more of an impact on my life than James Murphy. Travis, Katie and Ashley, the editor-in-chief, managing editor and production manager during my brief stint here, pretty much raised me up as an editor in the course of a week and helped me out every day since then. I will be thankful for them every Thanksgiving for the rest of time. And also to the multitude of other people who helped me, because, I really needed help sometimes (“Joel, why is this tagged ‘Drake’?”). My best friend, Brandon Foster, is taking over the magazine, which has me all sorts of happy. It’s so nice knowing that you can leave something you care about in somewhat trusted hands. And even though I’m going to be two hours away and won’t even be remotely close, I can’t wait to see what Mr. Foster is going to do with the publication. Maybe I’ll have someone send me copies? I’ll figure something out. So, in my last letter in the last MOVE I’ll be involved with for a long time, I just want to say thank you to everyone, and thanks for all the memories. It’s been an absolute blast.

HOW TO DANCE REAL SLOW

joel samson berntsen | MOVE editor

You say goodbye, I say hello

People occasionally ask me (Read, “A person once asked me...”) why my column is called How to Dance Real Slow. The title comes from a lyric in Don McLean’s “American Pie”: “Now do you believe in rock and roll? Can music save your mortal soul? And can you teach me how to dance real slow?” One reason I picked this line is because I thought it was kind of cool to have a “how-to” column that, rather than dishing out relationship advice, took a look at the role music plays in our lives. But let’s be real, regardless of any success my column might have had making the reader(s) look at music in a different way, the idea of me teaching someone to dance (even symbolically) is equivalent to Rihanna teaching a class in subtlety. I can’t dance. I don’t have the answers. Save one, that is: Yes. I believe in rock and roll, and music can save my mortal soul. For example... Music saves your mortal soul when you’re wandering around campus during a blizzard and yelling songs at the top of your lungs with your best friend. Or throwing impromptu Watch the Throne dance parties at 3 a.m. with your best friend. Or driving late at night and praying that up-beat iPod selections will succeed where caffeine has failed ... with your best friend. Whoa, guys — mid-column eureka moment here. Maybe my brain is just in over-analytical paper-writing mode, but it seems to me there’s a bit of a theme there. If I’m not mistaken, my best friend was present for all those magical musical memories. And it just so happens that now is the perfect time to throw some love to my best friend. See, said best friend just happens to be MOVE Editor Joel Berntsen. He’s leaving at semester to pursue his Troy-and-Abed-fueled dream of attending community college for a semester (#sixseasonsandamovie). And in his absence, I’m gonna be stepping in as editor to try to continue the stellar work he and his predecessors have done with MOVE Magazine. (That’s right, guys: The only requirement for obtaining an editorial position at The Maneater is becoming best friends with the incumbent.*) *Not really. Please don’t fire me, Travis. I guess what my rambling self is trying to get at is some sort of proper send-off. So thank you, Joel. Thanks for being the headphones to my CD player when I need it, for punching me whenever I make horrendous puns and for giving me that Vampire Weekend CD that one time. I might not know how to dance real slow (You put your right foot in. You put your right foot out ... No, that’s not it.), but I can certainly attest that it takes two to tango. In other, less-cliché-but-more-chocolatey words, music is kind of like the opposite of an ice cream cone: The more you share it, the better it gets. And as I withdraw from this pulpit and advance to bigger, more grown-uppy things, Columnist Me would like to leave you with one final string of 3 a.m. wisdom pearls. Music is your friend. After all, they don’t call them ear “buds” for nothing. (I’m gonna get punched for that one.)

brandon foster | pop culture columnist

best of

SINGLES

the year

« 1. Community

2. Breaking Bad 3. Adventure Time 4. Louie 5. Parks and Recreation

2. w h o k i l l tUnE-yArDs 3. Bon Iver, Bon Iver Bon Iver 4. Cults Cults 5. James Blake James Blake 6. Hurry Up, We're Dreaming M83 7. Strange Mercy St. Vincent 8. Watch the Throne JAY Z & Kanye West 9. Father, Son, Holy Ghost Girls 10. David Comes to Life Fucked Up

Honorable Mention - Albums: Zonoscope Cut Copy The Year of Hibernation Youth Lagoon House of Balloons The Weeknd Yuck Yuck The People's Key Bright Eyes

1. "Bizness" - tUnE-yArDs

2. "Helplessness Blues" - Fleet Foxes 3. "Yonkers" - Tyler, The Creator 4. "Lindinsfarne" - James Blake 5. "Niggas in Paris" - Jay-Z and Kanye West 6. "Cruel" - St. Vincent 7. "Oh My God" - Cults 8. "California" - EMA 9. "Midnight City" - M83 10. "Swerve… the Reeping of All That is Worthwhile (Noir Not Withstanding)" - Shabazz Palaces 11. "Beth/Rest" - Bon Iver 12. "Songs for Women" - Frank Ocean 13. "Weekend" - Smith Westerns 14. "Vomit" - Girls 15. "Underground Kings" - Drake 16. "Queen of Hearts" - Fucked Up 17. "Shake it Out" - Florence + The Machine 18. "Walking far from Home" - Iron & Wine 19. "Santa Fe" - Beirut 20. "1+1" - Beyoncé

* Visitcheckmove.themaneater.com out music columnists

Compiled by Joel Samson Berntsen, Brandon Foster, Pierce Courchaine and Robert Langellier

Alex Smith and Christine Cauthen's personal top-songs lists.

fashion best & worst

madeline kuennen, angie andera | fashion columnists

worst

SHEER LAYERS

Perhaps my favorite trend this past year was sheer layers. Try pairing a dark bandeau with a light lace top, or a solid mini skirt with a sheer overlay maxi skirt. Leaving just enough to the imagination, layering with sheer fabric can be both sexy and sweet looking.

CUT-OUT DRESSES

Perfect for a night out on the town, cut-out dresses flash just the right amount of skin without showing too much. And the sharp, geometric cut-out shapes give your look an instant edge. From gowns on the red carpet to frocks at Forever 21, it looks like these alluring and sexy dresses are here to stay.

FRINGE

This past year, fringe seemed to find it’s way onto any and every clothing item. From cocktail dresses and necklaces to boots and bags, the swinging stands of fabric can make your outfit look boho-chic effortlessly.

BRIGHTLY COLORED SKINNY JEANS

If you’re looking to stand out from the crowd, look no further than this year’s hottest denim trend. When paired with more neutral tops, brightly colored skinny jeans are playful and dramatic, adding just the right amount of flair.

« BEST OF THE YEAR

CAPE COATS

Staying stylish in the winter can be tough, especially when you’re forced to cover up your outfit with bulky outerwear. But this year the cape coat came back in style just in time for the winter winds. Cape coats, oversized ponchos and dolman tops all offer a loose, flowy silhouette that flatters all body types.

macrame

Macramé clothes were all over the magazines this summer. They looked cute on the pages of Elle but weren’t as cute when they were on your body for more than an hour. A normal-sized long sleeve macramé pullover would stretch all the way down to my knees by the end of the day. Of course, one could just wash a garment to shrink it back, but you can’t do that with macramé. It’s too delicate. So now the summer has left many of us with weird crochet dresses in our closet.

denim jackets

Stop trying to pretend that it’s still the ‘90s. It’s not the ‘90s. Last time you wore a denim jacket and pulled it off, you were seven. Now, you do it for the irony, and I cannot stand it. It’s not the jacket itself — it’s the person you try to be when you wear it.

spice girl shoes My roommate wears these. She thinks she can’t wear real heels so she opts for the all-over platform. But then she looks like Baby Spice. It’s another wretched throwback to the ‘90s. I understand it’s “ironic” and “novelty” but nobody thinks it’s cute.

BEST

DYLAN CHAPMAN movie columnist

Top 5 movies

ALBUMS TV SHOWS 1. Helplessness Blues Fleet Foxes

A Love for Film

feathers The feather extensions are fine. I’m still wearing mine. But when a sloppy girl in Uggs and sweats sits in front of me in class and then turns her sloppy ponytailed head to reveal a cluster of pink and blue feathers…well that turns the trend into the second worst fad of 2011. I mean, if you’re going to spend 10 bucks a piece per feather to be permanently clipped into your hair, make the dang effort to finish the look. The feathers only look boho-chic if they are not neon and if you’re not wearing your sorority shirt.

janties

In case you didn’t know what janties were, it’s a combination of “jorts” (which is a combination of “jeans” and “shorts”) and “panties.” Now do you know what I’m talking about? I truly do not enjoy being stuck behind you janty-sporting girls in between classes. Either you’re too fat to be wearing them — in which case your cellulite is in my face — or you’re super skinny, in which case I am filled with envy while I’m forced to stare at the bottoms of your cellulite-free butt cheeks on my way to class.

of 2011

These five movies top movie columnist Dylan Chapman's year-end list for 2011.

1. “Hugo” (Martin Scorsese) 2. “Drive” (Nicholas Winding Refn)

I can’t think of two movies any more different than each other this year than “Hugo” and “Drive.” While “Hugo” is whimsical and life-affirming, “Drive” is slick and existential. While “Hugo” is a grandiose, theatrical ode to early cinema, “Drive” is a muted, minimalist peek into cinematic future. “Hugo” saw Martin Scorsese, a prolific and much-heralded pillar of American film, step away from his comfort zone to try his hand at something new. Conversely, “Drive” saw its director, Nicholas Winding Refn, talented but relatively unknown, stick to what he does best (ultra-stylized violence and grit), and finally get the recognition that has long eluded him. But as much as these films are the antitheses of each other, here they stand, well above everything else that has been released this year (so far), as near equals in quality and in their ability to captivate. And not only does their polarity manage to comment on the great variety of 2011 in general, but it also reminds us fully what cinema is capable of, reminding us that it can delight and challenge in equal measure. It can thrill us just as it comforts us.

3. “Weekend” (Andrew Haigh) LGBT cinema is often ghettoized or marginalized by the movie-going crowd, seen as a specialty cinema with little to no potential for mainstream success. But it’s not for lack of quality. Every year sees the release of more and more exceptional gay-themed films, their variation, range and quality rising right along with the levels of social acceptance. This year’s standout, by far, is Andrew Haigh’s British romance, “Weekend,” the charming but tragic story of a gay love affair cut short. The plot is admittedly simple, but the outstanding screenplay lends the film a surprising amount of insight, depth and emotion. Couple that with two stunning breakout performances by the leads, Tom Cullen and Chris New, and you have one of this year’s absolute best, a must see for everyone — gay, straight or anything in between.

4. “Melancholia” (Lars von Trier) To call “Melancholia” bleak would probably be overstating its cheerfulness. Watching it is an emotional experience not altogether different from being run over by a dump truck. And yet, I’ve placed it at number four. Why? Well, because though it is definitely not an uplifting experience, or even arguably an enjoyable one, it its undoubtedly an original and magnificently executed directorial vision. And though it might not be saying something happy, it is saying something very honest — about life, about death — that might not be pretty, but must nevertheless be stared in the face. It is an experience that stays with you, eats at you and possesses you, long, long after the credits have rolled. Heck, I’m still reeling from it.

5. “Midnight in Paris” (Woody Allen) And here we all were, thinking that Woody Allen had lost his touch. Well, not so fast. After a long string of disappointments, failures and near-misses, everyone’s favorite existentialist New Yorker is back, finally, with a film that fits right in with his iconic best. “Midnight in Paris” is whimsical, smart, beautifully captured and, perhaps surprisingly, laughout-loud hilarious. A love letter to Paris, past and present, this film is successful because it isn’t afraid to do whatever it takes to encompass the essence of the famous city, even if that involves a little magic.

Honorable mentions (in alphabetical order): “Beginners” “Bridesmaids” “Harry Potter and the Deathly Hallows Pt. 2” “Meek’s Cutoff ” “Tree of Life”

MOVE • 12.09.11

best of

the year TOP 5

If you’ve scrolled through your newsfeed on Twitter or Facebook in the past 12 months, you’ve undoubtedly seen the same names popping up time after time. MOVE has compiled a list of five of the stars who really made a name for themselves — good or bad — in 2011.

peop

fame-splosions jimmy hibsch | associate editor

of 2o11

rebecca black Happy Friday, everyone! Classes are finally over for the semester and now we all are just looking forward to the weekend. And who do we have to thank for that? None other than Miss Black herself. The 14-year-old became a household name in March when her music video for “Friday” went viral. She acquired millions of views on YouTube within a short week — mostly to overwhelmingly negative reviews and even death threats. But Black stayed strong. Through Funny or Die, The Tonight Show and Katy Perry’s music video for “Last Friday Night (T.G.I.F.),” Black proved that she has more backbone than your everyday freshman in high school. She has since released her next music video, “Person of Interest,” but you probably didn’t watch it.

Thes some infl 2011

women

charlie sheen #TIGERBLOOD HAHA #WINNING LMFAO. Charlie Sheen jokes became the annoyance of the earlier half of the year after he went unarguably insane in an interview in which he publicly made defamatory comments about “Two and a Half Men” creator Chuck Lorre. In what might seem like a bad move for increasing fame, he was banned from the Warner Bros. production lot. Instantly, he was propelled into stardom. He reached 1,000,000 Twitter followers faster than anyone, and his Comedy Central roast was watched by almost 6.5 million people. By now, though, he has mostly fallen out of the public eye. (Thank the lord).

naya rivera Props to being the sole soul worth watching on “Glee” nowadays. With the steamy combination of Rivera’s sexy voice and lesbian side story, Santana is carrying “Glee” in its lackluster third season. AfterEllen, a website targeting LGBTQ women, placed her in the top spot of its “Hot 100” list, and she climbed about 20 spots in Maxim’s same list. She won the American Latino Media Arts Award for favorite female music artist and hosted GLAAD’s Media Awards. And she snagged a solo record deal with Columbia Records in May. Suffice it to say, she isn’t just a hottie — she has talent to back it up

emma stone Her road to fame began in late 2010, but I think it’s safe to say she became a star in 2011. “Easy A” put her on the map, and she appeared in what seemed like every single movie for the rest of the year. Leading roles in “Crazy, Stupid, Love.” and “The Help” and a spot in “Friends with Benefits” helped make Stone quite easily the most recognizable new actress. Next up on her agenda? “The Amazing Spider-Man” as Peter Parker’s love interest Gwen Stacy. She will also appear alongside Halle Berry, Uma Thurman, Hugh Jackman and every other famous person in the upcoming comedy “Movie 43.” Long live the Stone.

1. michelle ob

beyonce's yet-to-be-born child The entire country sighed one simultaneous “aww” when Queen Beyoncé dropped her mic and rubbed her stomach to reveal her pregnancy at the end of the 2011 Video Music Awards performance of “Love on Top.” Beyoncé is pregnant! The Second Coming of Christ has arrived! She broke the record for Twitter’s most tweets-per-second (coming in at 9,000 per second immediately after the announcement), and she’s the child of two of the biggest names in the entertainment industry. This child had BETTER be talented.

FIRST LADY Because Americans 25 and younger are the first generation expected to live short taken it upon herself to have serious conversations with the food industries’ leading to start combating the diet-related illnesses in America. Most of her work has started cafeterias to encourage nutritious meals.

TOP 5 SIGNS OF THE APOCALYPSE There were many times this year when religious leaders claimed that Jesus was coming back into town to end the world and all that jazz. (Remember that rapture thing?) All the telltale signs of the apocalypse, they said, are present, so we should probably pack our bags and put on some lipstick, because judgment day is just around the corner. Now, I might not go to church, but I’ve noticed some of these apocalyptic signs, too. Either that or Jesus has a very cruel sense of humor. alex stewart | staff writer

TAYLOR SWIFT WINS ARTIST OF THE YEAR AMA OVER LADY GAGA, LIL WAYNE, ADELE AND KATY PERRY Where is Kanye when you need him? If we live on a planet that values T-Swift over truly talented performers like Lady Gaga and Adele (P.S. where are Nicki Minaj and J. Cole on this list?), then I gladly welcome the four horsemen of the apocalypse to knock down my door and take me away. She might have some people fooled, but not me. That sugarcoated-glitter-unicorn princess can’t stay pure and wholesome forever. Her Lindsay Lohan meltdown is fast approaching.

12.09.11 • MOVE

STEVE JOBS DIES The one single man on Earth who actually had his shit together is no longer with us. Really, karmic gods?! How come the guy who basically invented the future has to get pancreatic cancer? Jobs’ short life is the epitome of the cliché, “No good deed goes unpunished.” I guess this is just more motivation for the normal folk to clean up their act and get some work done. On another note, does this mean Oprah’s back on top again?

DONALD TRUMP THINKS HE CAN RUN THE COUNTRY Dear Mr. Trump, Haven’t you declared bankruptcy, like, four times? What do you think you would do if you ran the whole damn country? How many people did you fire on a television game show before you thought, “Hey, this is easy, running the United States of America can’t be that bad.”? Despite what the George W. Bush reelection taught us, not everybody can be president, Donald. Don’t go chasing waterfalls.

KIM KARDASHIAN’S SPECTACULAR DIVORCE You all knew this was coming. It just wouldn’t be a 2011 wrap-up if this weren’t on the list. Kim’s infamous 72-day marriage sort of seems like a mockery of the institution. Hell, I had kindergarten marriages that lasted longer than that. It has been rumored that the marriage was a sham and a publicity stunt, but I think we all figured that out when we learned Kris Humphries wasn’t into making sex tapes.

51-YEAR-OLD MAN MARRIES 16-YEAR-OLD Uh. Gross. I wonder if she ever accidentally calls him “Dad.” Or “Grandpa,” since Doug Hutchinson is actually older than Courtney Stodden’s dad. On a recent clip from “The Fab Life,” Stodden described a typical day in her life as “just crazy.” She wakes up at noon, makes a mocha, and then Doug cleans up her spilled coffee beans, foundation and heels, and… oh wait, that’s it. Begging for more, America? Lucky for us, there’s more to come from the darling couple — they’re in the process of filming a reality show! May I suggest “Newlyweds: Toddlers in Tiaras Edition” as the title? BEST OF THE YEAR

men

1. steve jobs

LATE CEO OF APPLE His influence on the technological world is undeniable, but besides what he was able to accomplish in his own lifetime, the team he has built at Apple will continue to carry on that legacy and keep the gadgets coming. Perhaps even more influential than the most recently introduced products would be our recognition of him as an innovator after his passing.

2. the 99 percent OCCUPY WALL STREET MOVEMENT Although protesters didn’t succeed in occupying all of Wall Street on Sept. 17, the group has started provoking muchneeded conversation about corporate greed and its influence in our government. With a direction becoming more clear and more organization rising within this movement, it has spread throughout the cities and college campuses of America where citizens have rallied around the slogan, “We are the 99 percent.”

ple

se five men and women were e of the most important, luential and definitive of 1. avenly jones | associate editor

twitter

accounts

of 2o11

4. admiral 3. warren buffett FORBES’ THIRD RICHEST PERSON IN mike mullen RETIRED U.S. NAVY ADMIRAL After a long pause of what seemed like inactivity in Afghanistan and Iraq, Mullen was able to successfully guide troops through two wars for the president that initiated them eight years ago and now for the one who will conclude them. Setting in motion the withdrawal from Afghanistan and then pushing for increased use of Special Operations forces, Mullen was able to concentrate attention and aided greatly in the capturing of Osama bin Laden.

top 5

THE WORLD Since becoming Forbes’ richest man in the world in 2008, Buffett is still living the anti-billionaire lifestyle by living in the same Omaha home he bought decades ago for next to nothing. Because of his financial conservatism, he has avoided the pitfall many other companies fell deeply into during the recession and now plans to donate much of his wealth to charity.

These tweeters made the cut as our favorite Twitter personalities. joel samson berntsen | MOVE editor

5. mark zuckerberg FOUNDER OF FACEBOOK More recently, Facebook has become not only a social network to catch up with old friends but also a forum from which we are consuming other media. Along with this trend, users are adding more information about themselves and linking other applications they use to share with their friends. As Facebook keeps developing from Zuckerberg’s initial idea, it begs the question, “What can’t Facebook do?”

3. chelsea nandler 2. kate middleton DUCHESS OF CAMBRIDGE Since her marriage to Duke of Cambridge Prince William, she has incorporated many modern facets to her royal fairy tale, while still being involved with charity and other traditions. She is on her way to being the first commoner to become the queen of England and also the first college-educated queen.

bama

ter lives than their parents, Obama has g corporations and establish task forces d at the root of the problem: in school

COMEDIAN Besides being arguably the funniest woman on television, Handler is a businesswoman. After co-founding Borderline Amazing Productions, the company has produced “Chelsea Lately,” “After Lately,” “Big Loud Lisa” and “Are You There… Chelsea?” on NBC and is in the process of developing a fifth show. Handler has been and will continue to be the strategic brain behind the company she helped build.

4. gabrielle giffords CONGRESSWOMAN After the Jan. 8 shooting in Tucson, Ariz., the three-term representative has been on the road to recovery that still has a fair amount of work left. When Giffords returned to the House for voting with a smile on her face, her surprise visit seemed to, if only for a second, cut through the hard feelings of partisan arguments.

5. lady gaga (stefani germanotta)

ENTERTAINER In July, Gaga became the most-followed account on Twitter, surpassing Justin Bieber and President Barack Obama with 12 million followers, in addition to her 36 million fans on Facebook. One of her most influential partnerships is one with MAC’s Viva Glam Lipstick and Lipgloss, which has raised more than $202 million combating HIV and AIDS. Gaga has also been an advocate for the “It Gets Better” campaign supporting the LGBTQ community.

TOP 5 internet phenomena

OF 2011 You’re a busy person. We know this. You’ve got to study for finals. You can’t be bothered to spend time finding distractions on your own. Never fear! After spending a bit too much time down the rabbit hole ourselves, we’ve returned with the best the Internet had to offer this year. Let MOVE let you procrastinate more efficiently.

greg lindsey | staff writer

chicks with steve buscemeyes chickswithstevebuscemeyes.tumblr.com This is something only the Internet could bring us. Photos of beautiful women who have been photoshopped with … Steve Buscemi’s eyes? Somehow it works. These photos are simultaneously hilarious and horrifying in the best way possible.

literally unbelievable literallyunbelievable.org The Onion is already hilarious, but it only gets better when you add the reactions of people who think it’s actually real. The idea that people could miss the central conceit of The Onion is funny and well, kind of unbelievable.

hipster runof hipsterrunoff.com Carles, the absurd genius behind Hipster Runoff, mashes up Pitchfork and TMZ into one ridiculously entertaining package. The site is known for coining terms like “dubstreamer” and asking the serious questions like “Do owls have the legal right to sue Bon Iver and James Blake for using their ‘hoots’ in their horrible song?”

reddit reddit.com Reddit, an aggregation site, is an awesome way to keep a finger on the pulse of the Internet. Memes fly right and left while serious political discussions take off in comment threads. You can also customize which subreddits you get to see, making a personal experience. Reddit will take all the free time you give it, so be careful.

animals talking in all caps

animalstalkinginallcaps.tumblr.com It’s exactly what the name says, but it’s far funnier than you might think. Whether it’s a parakeet on a political rant, a polar bear pondering the definition of art or otters conversing about Jon Hamm, everything just comes together perfectly to hilarious ends.

#ThingsLongerThanKimsMarriage “The time it took Rebecca Black to choose a seat.” — @Justshea “Taylor Swift’s speech before Kanye took the microphone.” — @Dimzzl “That pause after Dora the Explorer asks you a question.” — @TrillBrando “The line of trick-or-treaters at Casey Anthony’s house.” — @JSholly42 “Justin Bieber’s chest hair.” — @OhWhitePeople

savannah smith | reporter MOVE • 12.09.11

Concerts to warm you up The battle of battling games A look at the two big first-person shooters of late, Battlefield 3 and this holiday Modern Warfare 3. * season GAMES

Whether you’re a native to Columbia, someone with a full work schedule or someone who just doesn’t quite miss the family yet (we just got back from Thanksgiving break, right?), no worries. If nothing else interesting is going on in Columbia after the mass exodus of students going home for the holidays, at least there is always a killer lineup of concerts at multiple local venues.

Jerrod Niemann – Dec. 15, The Blue Note, Price: $22

This light-hearted country artist released two independent albums before being signed to Arista Nashville’s Sea Gayle division and releasing his latest album, Judge Jerrod and the Hung Jury. The single “Love, Lover,” which topped Billboard's Country Songs chart in 2010, is the kind of beachy country music that might make this frigid Missouri weather close to bearable.

100.1 The Buzz presents Rock the Halls feat. Decadent Nation, Assembly Line Gods and We Live in Public – Dec. 17, The Blue Note, Price: $5

This charity show donates all proceeds to the Columbia Humane Society and boasts an extremely low ticket price. If that wasn't enough to convince you to grab a friend and go, the alternative rock lineup should seal the deal. There’s nothing quite like a good local show, especially if that local show helps local animals.

NARCISSIST – Dec. 29, Mojo’s, Price: $5

Another local band, NARCISSIST, headlines this show at Mojo’s, a quaint little concert venue downtown with a homey feel and welcoming crowd. NARCISSIST claims to promote a hard-hitting message behind its music and has a lot of other local bands like Sick of the Day, Mark and the Liar and The Wishing Year there to support it.

New Year’s Eve with The Record Collector – Dec. 31, Mojo’s, Price: $10

What better way to spend New Year’s Eve than at a concert? The Record Collector is is a local band whose music is hard to define, at best. The punk roots and indie persuasion of this local band is sure to confuse crowds when it churns out its rhythm-heavy soul sounds. With a massive amount of people making up the group, this show is sure to be a bustling good time.

Drake Bell – Jan. 22, The Blue Note, Price: $15

Drake Bell is more than just a former Nickelodeon star. That said, most people know him more for his fame on the kids' shows "Drake & Josh" and "The Amanda Show" than as a serious musician. Despite pre-conceived notions, Bell has managed to make quite a name for himself in the music world as well. “Terrific,” the first single off his new EP, has had success on the iTunes charts. Reminisce about your childhood and listen to some good indie pop at The Blue Note in late January.

christine cauthen | senior staff writer

Two great first-person shooters: Modern Warfare 3 and Battlefield 3. The hype is over. These games have been out for a bit, and we’ve all had time over Thanksgiving break to play the crap out of them, so now it’s time to decide if we have a winner. When it comes to how successful these games are in this lucrative market, there is a definite winner. Modern Warfare 3, like its predecessors, set records after just one day, grossing $400 million in the United States and Britain, exclusively, according to The Guardian website. After just five days, it grossed $775 million. When it comes to graphics for these games, the clear winner is Battlefield 3. It's new Frostbite 2 engine revolutionizes not only the visuals with fantastic destructibility, lighting, animation and scale but also the game’s ability to produce amazing audio effects, which put you inside of the game and the experience. Unfortunately, Modern Warfare 3 just can’t keep up with the "newness" that Battlefield 3 has been able to pull off in the graphics department. Basically referred to (by graphics standards) as a repackaged Modern Warfare 2, MW3 certainly made adjustments, but it really didn’t do anything revolutionary. As for the single player experience, it’s as though it’s a battle over who can be more unoriginal. Battlefield 3, in fact, used the plot device of interrogating

an operative to re-live past events, which was done in Call of Duty’s last game, Black Ops! Granted, storylines about saving the world from either World War III starting or continuing aren’t that original. However, the fact that each campaign can produce awesome and memorable experiences is what matters. Whether that’s the feeling of starting up a jet in Battlefield 3 or the sights and sounds of the Eiffel Tower collapsing in Modern Warfare 3, both games provide thrilling experiences. Finally, the thing that people traditionally care about the most is the multiplayer experience. This, in all honesty, is strictly personal preference because these two games are so vastly different. Battlefield is renowned for being a much more realistic experience than COD, as well as being much better about the use of vehicles: helicopters, jeeps and tanks, especially. However, more often than not, fans of MW3 will say that it’s too slow-paced a game and they’ll elect for the fast-paced, reflex-based game modes of Team Deathmatch, which is the most popular game-mode in COD. Whatever game you choose, you really can’t go wrong. Both are solid experiences. There’s definitely a reason these games have made millions. drew koch | staff writer

Shakespeare's tree brings ‘magic’ to Ninth Street A tree on Ninth Street outside Shakespeare’s Pizza is getting quite a bit of attention. The remarkable tree is visible along the sidewalks from University Avenue all the way north to East Walnut Street, leading ogling spectators right to Shakespeare’s front door. “It’s stunning,” Shakespeare’s customer Gigi Goodall says. “It’s not like a normal Christmas tree.” Indeed, Shakespeare’s colorful beacon is illuminated by almost 20,000 Christmas lights of all colors. At many points during the night hours, passersby can be seen fawning over the lights and snapping pictures of themselves under the tree. “Basically, we just wanted to do something that’s cool,” Shakespeare’s manager Toby Epstein says. “We thought it would help downtown look a little festive.” The tree bears a start ing resemblance to Columbia’s Magic Tree, located in the Village of Cherry Hill at the corner of Scott Boulevard and Chapel Hill Road. It’s no fraud, though — Shakespeare’s tree was decorated by the Magic Tree’s own creator Randy Fletcher. “I always wanted to do a tree downtown, so I’m happy about doing that,” Fletcher says. “I think (it) brings a lot of happiness to people, and it seems like the job is worth it.” Shakespeare’s called up Fletcher last Thanksgiving to hire him for decoration but was told it would need to put in some extra power and outlet capacity first. With a vamped-up power supply mounted on the building’s roof, the pizza business was ready this year. Fletcher spent four days prior to Thanksgiving tightly stringing lights around every branch of the tree. The result is a light display vastly similar to the Magic Tree. But Fletcher is quick to dispel any namesake the two trees might share. “I’m of the mind that there’s only one Magic Tree, and that’s the official one that has the flier that I put out,” he said. “But I understand how people just generally refer to them generically as ‘magic trees.’” The downtown tree isn’t the first one besides the Magic Tree that Fletcher has decorated, but it’s

Peter Yankowsky/Senior Staff Photographer

Randy Fletcher, the Columbia Magic Tree’s creator, has decorated another tree outside of Shakespeare’s Pizza on Ninth Street. The tree features 20,00 lights and will cost approximately $100 a month to light. currently the only one this year of its kind — aside of the street,” freshman Andrew Cockerham said. from the Magic Tree, of course. The lights are all “There’s not a whole lot going on (on the street).” “I think it would be cool if all of Ninth Street his, though Shakespeare’s paid him to set them up had these lights up,” Epstein said. “It would look and foots the dreaded electricity bill. Fletcher estimates that, between the 50/50 split pretty cool.” Fletcher disagrees. of LED and incandescent lights, the tree will prob“I’d hate to see it get to a point where it’s comably cost Shakespeare’s almost $100 a month. “We’re eagerly awaiting our first electric bill,” mon so that there’s a lack of appreciation for it,” he said. “People would just be using a lot of electricity Epstein said. The lights go up each night at about 5 p.m., that might be better saved for down the road instead when the night shift begins, and they continue to of just burning lots of coal.” Of course, after working four days to decorate shine until 2 a.m. at closing time. The tree’s luminescence makes it the focal point Shakespeare’s limbs, perhaps the concept of an of Ninth Street this winter. Now that the trees lining entire avenue of lights isn’t as enticing to Fletcher the sidewalks have long shed their leaves, Fletcher’s as it is to passersby. lights give a new color to the tree’s branches. “It really stood out to me, considering the rest robert langellier | senior staff writer

MOVE HIGHLIGHTS

(MOVIE RELEASE) “THE ADVENTURES OF TINTIN” RELEASE DATE: WEDNESDAY, DEC. 21

Not to be confused with the canine Rin Tin Tin, Tintin is a young journalist who finds adventure after being accused of stealing the model ship Unicorn. Directed by Steven Spielberg and produced by Peter Jackson, this animated 3-D flick is the first of three planned movie adaptions of Hergé comic books.

12.09.11 • MOVE

(MOVIE RELEASE) “MISSION IMPOSSIBLE - GHOST PROTOCOL” RELEASE DATE: WEDNESDAY, DEC. 21

Sure, "Mission: Impossible" first hit screens the same year as "Space Jam," and, yeah, Tom Cruise has arguably become a Hollywood afterthought, but who's to say he can't try it again, this time with Jeremy Renner and Simon Pegg at his side? Cruise sets out to prove it's no impossible mission to continue heading a series 15 years after its first installment.

(MOVIE RELEASE) “WE BOUGHT A ZOO” RELEASE DATE: WEDNESDAY, DEC. 23

Directed by Cameron Crowe ("Jerry Maguire," "Almost Famous"), "We Bought a Zoo" stars Matt Damon and Scarlett Johansson as they, well, buy a zoo. Even better, Jónsi (Sigur Rós) is doing the score, so at the very worst you can just close your eyes and enjoy.

(MOVIE RELEASE) “EXTREMELY LOUD AND INCREDIBLY CLOSE” RELEASE DATE: WEDNESDAY, DEC. 25

In this adaptation of a book of the same name, a 9-year-old searches for the lock to a key left by his father, who died in the Sept. 11 attacks. The film stars Tom Hanks, Sandra Bullock and "Teen Jeopardy!" champ Thomas Horn in his film debut.

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