FOCUS
THE MATADOR WEDNESDAY, OCTOBER 8, 2014
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THE MATADOR
WEDNESDAY, OCTOBER 8, 2014
FOCUS
Am an d a M o lin a
“You can’t do anything right.” “You’ll never graduate high school at this rate.” “I regret ever having you.” I cannot recall a single moment when my parents complimented me on an accomplishment, no matter how large or significant it may have been. Whether it was getting all fours on an elementary school report card, earning my black belt in Taekwondo, or spending countless hours of blood, sweat, and tears on a play, I have never heard anything remotely close to a “good job, you did well” from either of my parents. However, when it comes to slip-ups, I will never hear the end of it no matter how tiny my mistake may have been. On occasion, something as simple as a misplaced sock will lead into a rant on how I will turn to a life of crime in the immediate future. When I bring up the topic of abuse with others, the consensus seems to be that it is okay simply because I am Asian, and that I should not be fazed by my situation because it is how parents are; they seem to think that being verbally abused is not as bad as being physically abused, despite the fact that I was on the receiving end of many backhands until it ended in middle school. Being a certain ethnicity does not justify parents who bombard their offspring with insults. People fail to realize that a verbal slap is just as hurtful as a physical one. The old rhyme “sticks and stones may break my bones, but words will never hurt me” comes to mind. Unnecessarily chastising one’s child may not leave any physical scarring, but words used in anger, no matter how seemingly insignificant, will leave a lasting impact on a young, impressionable boy or girl. Verbal abuse still hurts, even now as a teenager. I have spent countless hours hammering away at homework or a project, only to be told that I would not graduate high school and that I should be ashamed for not putting enough effort into school. A bad day at work for my parents would mean a bad day for me as soon as they came home. To voice any form of opposition or ask for a moment of quiet would mean giving up sleep that night due to the sheer intensity and length of my parents’ scoldings. This created a positive feedback loop where my grades suffered because I was being frequently berated, and the scolding would only intensify due to my faltering grades. My grades were not the only thing affected by the constant cascade of criticisms; I became more withdrawn in social situations. I would be genuinely afraid to speak up in class or socialize with others in fear of being ostracized. There were times when my perspective of the world grew unnervingly dark and I began doubting my own self-worth. I cannot count all of the opportunities that I had missed to connect with other people, or how many times a teacher thought I did not understand the material at hand simply because I was too worried about being wrong in one way or another. If there is anything that I have gained from the countless episodes of discouragement and grief, it is a thicker skin and a deeper respect for people who were or still are in the same situation as I was. Throughout the whole ordeal, I managed to stay anchored with the help of some very close friends, an understanding teacher, and the theater. Without them, I would not have regained my confidence or be the person that I am today. Even with such a strong system of support, no child should ever be told that they are worthless or that they are a disappointment to the very people that they should love and look up to. When I was young, I was taught that if I did not have anything nice to say, I should not say it. I now realize that this does not only apply to children, but to parenting as well. No good can come from belittling your children; doing so will only erode the bond between parent and child. *Name withheld by request
Fists, slaps, punches, kicks. But what about words? Verbal abuse uses words that are purely aimed at making mental wounds which often ache for a lifetime, causing emotional assault and battery. Verbal abuse can make its way through any person’s life without ever being noticed. In some cases, one can cause verbal abuse without knowing. Healthyplace.com describes verbal abuse as “the use of offensive and abusive language targeted at taking control and power from another person.” A study performed at Florida State University led by psychology professor Natalie Sachs-Ericsson shows that people who were verbally abused as children grew up to be self-critical adults. In this same study, it has been shown that people who have been verbally abused have 1.6 times as many symptoms of anxiety and depression as opposed to people who have not. They are also twice as likely to have experienced an anxiety or mood related disorder in their lives. Verbal abuse is often overlooked because it has not been highlighted in the same way that sexual and physical abuse have; the truth is, it is just as damaging. As reported by Harvard University researchers have linked childhood verbal abuse with notably higher risks of acquiring unstable and angry personalities as well as narcissistic behavior and obsessive-compulsive disorders. In 2007, Harvard University’s mental health letter reported that swearing, ridiculing, blaming, and insulting children causes the same damage as physical and sexual abuse. The report indicates that when verbal abuse in minors is persistent and extreme, it can generate a high risk of post-traumatic stress disorder, the same mental disorder that many combat troops suffer from today. “Exposure to verbal aggression has received little attention as a specific form of abuse, despite the fact that one national study found that 63 percent of American parents reported one or more instances of verbal aggression, such as swearing at and insulting their child.” Martin Teicher said in an interview with The Harvard Gazette. Teicher is an associate professor of psychiatry at McLean Hospital, a Harvard-affiliated psychiatric facility.
K ris ty D u o n g For students who have been victimized by abuse, whether verbal or physical, there are resources on campus and throughout the Alhambra Unified School District (AUSD) to help. Gateway to Success is an AUSD program that provides support and services to students dealing with various issues such as mental health, drugs and alcohol, safety, and education. “We want all students to be able to come to campus and feel safe and feel emotionally okay,” Gateway to Success Intervention Adviser Denise Garcia said. According to their website, Gateway to Success “links students with counselors or other health and wellness resources that will help them work through the challenges that are interfering with their academic, personal, or social adjustment.” The organization collaborates with several different groups such as the Alhambra Police Department, Foothill Family Service, and Hathaway-Sycamores to optimize the resources they can provide to students. “In order to receive assistance from Gateway, students must first have a referral that may be
The dangers of verbal abuse have recently been more closely observed by the Center for Psychological Research in Shenyang, China. They have taken interest in the increased amount of juvenile crime in China. Through their studies, they have related the elevated crime rates back to childhood emotional and verbal abuse. Juvenile inmates who had been arrested for murder were interviewed, and they shared similar stories: all were insulted, belittled, and had someone constantly reminding them of their integrity. The situations they ended up in were results of the constant torment they received from their parents. With this information, it is evident that verbal aggression can lead to extremely violent tendencies such as murder and assault. This led to the launch of an online campaign earlier this year, against verbal abuse, with the organization website wordscanbeweapons.com, featuring an interactive activity in which harmful words can be rearranged to form the shapes of weapons. San Gabriel High School psychologist, Art Pangilinan, “Dr. Art,” suggests that anyone who is being verbally abused should talk to someone. “I would advise someone [who is being verbally abused] to communicate their concerns,” Dr. Art said. “I think that a lot of the student body are afraid that the person verbally abusing them will find out, making the situation worse, but sometimes, you have to take that risk because it is dealing with someone’s emotional well being.” Verbal abuse is a struggle between emotions and the way a person perceives themselves after being abused. It can lead to many mental disorders, lower self confidence and in the most dire situations, violent behavior. It can happen to anyone, at any time, and is not limited to being inflicted by only parents and family figures.
The Center for Psychological Research in China reshaped hurtful Chinese characters such as “moron” into weapons. Video still courtesy of wordscanbeweapons.com
submitted by a parent, teacher, counselor, nurse, or even themselves. After that, Gateway counselors help to determine which branch of their organization may benefit the student the most,” Garcia explained. One of the agencies used at San Gabriel High School is Hathaway-Sycamores, which is located on campus in U35. “We have the advantage of being a really student driven kind of service,” Hathaway-Sycamores Youth Specialist Diego Anaya said. “We let the student kind of take us where therapy should go. We allow them to go and be where they want to be, meaning we have a set of goals we that we discuss with them and [they have] their [own] goals. We don’t develop them. The kids develop them, and they work towards them at the pace and at the motivation they want.” Gateway to Success works in conjunction with the school guidance counselors and student services as well. They provide support in any way possible, whether it is helping to determine where students should go to get the help they need or checking up on them periodically. “We’re all a team, and we all collaborate to make sure the student is receiving the best type of support,” Garcia said. Other student resources for support on campus are the school nurse, the guidance counselors, Student Services, Peer Resources, and school psychologists Art Pangilinan and Leti Salazar. For parents, Gateway to Success holds workshops about effective communication skills for families. To learn more about Gateway to Success, visit www.ausdgateway.com. Photo by Sydney Trieu