The Meliorist, Volume 46 Issue 21

the Your Independent Student Newspaper

For the week of Thursday, February 14th, 2013 • Volume 46, Issue 21

the

meliorist

February 14, 2013 • 02

News Campus Beat Features Entertainment Top Story Procrastination Opinion Sports Lifestyle TLFs Students’ Union Classifieds The Meliorist: Mel-io-rism (meel’e riz’m) the doctrine that the world tends to become better or may be made better by human effort

4 6-7 8 - 11 12 - 15 16 - 17 18 19 21 - 22 23 24 - 25 26 - 27 30 An autonomous body, separate from the U of L Students’ Union SU-166, 4401 University Drive West, Lethbridge, AB, T1K 3M4 Phone: 403-329-2334 www.themeliorist.ca

Business Manager

Kelti Boissonneault Editor-in-Chief Opinions Editor einc@themeliorist.ca

b.manager@themeliorist.ca Creative Director/ Ad Manager/ Production Manager

Brandon Wallis

ad.manager@themeliorist.ca Photo/ Podcast Editor

Jon Martin

p.editor@themeliorist.ca

Vacant

Features Editor f.editor@themeliorist.ca

Art Department Assistant/ Social Media Coordinator

Sam Loewen Copy Editor

James Forbes Staff Writer/ Distribution Manager

Matt Baird

Travis Robinson

Sports & Lifestyle Editor s.editor@themeliorist.ca

Design Assistants

Myles Havinga Nico Koppe

Account Representative

Kristy Jahn-Smith

account.rep@themeliorist.ca Webmaster

Leyland Bradley The Meliorist is the student newspaper of the University of Lethbridge, published most Thursdays throughout the academic year by The Meliorist Publishing Society, an autonomous incorporated body. Please address all correspondence to The Meliorist, 4401 University Drive, Lethbridge Alberta, T1K 3M4, or drop it off at room SU-166. Deadline for submissions is Friday at 4 p.m. The Meliorist appreciates and encourages the writing of thoughtful, concise, timely letters. However, the Meliorist will only consider for publication those letters that are signed by the author. Special arrangements may be made for those wishing anonymity, but absolutely no pseudonyms. Letters should contain the author’s legible name, address, telephone number, and student identification number. The address, ID and phone number will not be published. The Meliorist reserves the right to edit submissions and will not print libelous material. Letters may be edited for brevity, clarity, and legality.

Nelson Chin

Campus Beat & News Editor n.editor@themeliorist.ca

Chris Morris Printing

Southern Alberta Newspaper Group Cartoonist

Ryan Kenworthy Contributors

Andrew McCutcheon

Maggie Kogut

Entertainment Editor e.editor@themeliorist.ca

Podcast Assistant

Andrew Martin Cover

Jon Martin Brandon Wallis

the

meliorist

February 14, 2013 • 04

Spousal support Leyland Bradley News Editor

axed for common law

couples in

Quebec Late last month the Supreme Court of Canada ruled that unmarried couples in Quebec who split up after living together are not expected to pay or receive spousal support.

Quebec is now the only province in the country that does not recognize common-law couples as equally financially entitled as married couples.

Lola vs. Eric, the case that initiated the new ruling, involved an unmarried Quebec couple with three children who had lived together for years. After the couple separated, Lola sought $56,000 a month and a $50 million lump sum for spousal support. Her

former partner agreed to pay for financial assistance for their children, but rejected the spousal support claim.

The decision has left some legal professionals questioning its progressive nature – those parents, most often mothers, who chose to stay home raising children will not be entitled to financial assistance unlike a married couple. Those who support the decision claim it upholds the personal freedoms of individuals who choose not to marry – marriage being a choice and a financial decision.

Britain may

legalize

same-sex marriage A new bill in Britain could make same-sex marriage legal by 2015.

The landslide vote – 400 to 175 in support – occurred last week in the British House of Commons with major support from the Labor Party and the Liberal Democrats.

Most Conservative Party members abstained their votes or rejected the bill. Prime Minister David Cameron supports the bill, despite conflicts within his own party. Cameron admits, “strong views exist on both sides,” but he believes the decision to legalize same-sex marriage is a step in the right direction for the nation.

Under the bill, both civil and religious ceremonies will be made

legal provided the religious institution has consented to perform the ceremony.

Currently same-sex couples can agree to a civil partnership that allows for pensions, childcare, and inheritance on equitable terms with heterosexual marriage. The bill would allow any couple currently within a civil partnership the ability to convert to a marriage if they wish.

The bill must undergo a third reading in the House of Commons followed by a vote in the House of Lords before it becomes law.

Scotland is expected to follow suit in the pursuit to legalize same-sex marriage in the near future.

the

meliorist

February 7, 2013 • 05

What’s going on today!

Leyland Bradley Campus Beat Editor

Sexologist Dr. Justine Shuey will be on campus today to talk all things sexy in a fun and interactive presentation at 4 p.m. in the SU Ballrooms (SU300).

Students will get the chance to win prizes and ask sex-related questions, as well as take a peek at Shuey’s collection of antique vibrators.

Shuey has presented on campuses across the United States, showcasing her take on fun sex education to thousands of students.

This will be the first time the SU has brought in a sex-related speaker since Sue Johanson in 2008/2009.

Dr. Shuey is a board certified sexologist and certified sexuality educator with a doctorate in human sexuality and a master’s in human sexuality education.

Q&A with SU President Armin Escher about Dr. Shuey

“We are very excited for Dr. Shuey.

We have heard loud and clear from students that they want more variety in events, and we think we have done that fairly well this year with a family-friendly afternoon at Frostbite with free food and bouncy castles, a very successful Halloween Cab in the Zoo, Ken Jennings in March for the game show/trivia fans like myself, and Dr. Shuey in February.”

Do you think this will help bring more awareness to the SU and the events the SU has to offer in the future?

“We're hoping that this event, along with the others we've hosted this year, will increase the awareness of the events the SU offers and will show that we are looking at more of variety so that we can have something for everyone.

Will the SU be in attendance?

“The Executive Council will be in

attendance and we are hoping that all the election candidates will be in attendance as well - we even moved the election orientation meeting back so that all candidates can attend both.”

Why Shuey?

“Shuey was chosen because she was seen as someone who could talk about sex in an educational and interactive way, all the while adding some humour as well. There will also be an opportunity for audience members to anonymously text questions so that the more shy folks there can participate as well.”

Today is your last chance to join the LPIRG board!

Get yourself nominated to be a board member for the Lethbridge Public Interest Research Group.

The Lethbridge Public Interest Research Group is a non-profit, student-led organization that helps fund undergraduate and graduate student research, as well as hosts documentary film nights, hosts events with other student groups on and off campus, and helps organize action groups (such as the Harm Reduction and Drug Education group), all while operating within the public interest.

LPIRG is student funded. Undergraduate and graduate students pay into LPIRG via a non-mandatory $5 levy fee every fall.

If you like to host/organize events, believe in environmental and social justice, are politically and/or socially inclined, take an interest in activism, or would like to learn more, join the LPIRG board!

Get involved! It’s as close as it gets to becoming a real Nader Raider.

You have until 4 p.m. today to fill in the nomination form!

??

the

meliorist

February 14, 2013 • 07

CKXU wants to take you out for a nice Valentine’s evening

Pretty in Kink: CKXU Loves You Seven

Pretty in Kink is tonight at 8 p.m. at The Slice. Set includes guests DJ Selin, Planet Telex, Love Potion #Ice-nine-point-two, Dirti Speshuls, The Ruby Plumes, SNOGG, and Cosmic Charlie.

Leyland Bradley Campus Beat Editor

Once again, CKXU is putting on their annual Valentine’s Day show at The Slice.

CKXU program director Benjamin Maine explains this year’s theme: “Historically, the Valentine’s Day thing is kind of silly and people don’t necessarily like having the pressure to have a date or have to hook up or whatever, so we’ve done things in the past like anti-Valentine’s Day or farcical Valentine’s Day – CKXU loves you, so CKXU can be your date.”

So, what’s extra special about it this year? Oh, just a little something called kink.

Why kink? Maine says the topic of kink is entering the limelight now more than ever.

“This year, CKXU’s whole theme for events has been trying to give back to the community, and provide a community service. We’ve become aware in other discussions with groups around the university that the topic of kink and BDSM has been coming up more often among students. There’s been more of a presence in mainstream media, books, and whatnot – so people are starting to try some things they may not have done before.”

So, why is this important?

Maine says the increased presence of kink has led to an increase in incidents associated with kink.

“There’s likely been a lack of communication (among partners); it’s not completely an open topic. Kink and sexual explorations that people don’t necessarily talk about in day-to-day life. We thought hey, why don’t we turn CKXU Loves You into a good party but also something that can be educational and an information-sharing event. It’s also an event to let people break the ice and start talking about these types of topics

more openly and in a public forum.”

Maine explains that most readily available information today on kink isn’t necessarily the best information.

“Let’s talk about this. Why should this be something that we only talk about behind closed doors? Why is it so hush-hush? The media has already kind of taken these things to the extreme – marketing it, making money off of it, and people are interested, but they’re not being fed good information. It’s sensationalized and it’s commercialized, rather than actually relaying proper information.

It’s got to be looked at as something that isn’t always extreme; it might just be about costumes. It might be as much as role playing. And if people are into things that are a little risky, let’s get them some information and resources, and establish a bit of a community, without the fear of being looked upon as freaky or dirty.”

What to expect: “The whole night is kink themed – so, if someone wants to wear their best risqué leather and whatnot, you can do that. We’ll also have a photobooth complete with props. No holds barred – although you probably can’t be completely naked. We’ll also have a chaise lounge just for people to hang out in too. The Art Society donated lots of art. We’ve got lots of raffle prizes. Also, HIV Connection will be there, and the Women’s Centre.

HIV Connection will have an information booth, and we’ll have some trivia just between sets. Get the question right, and you win a prize! HIV Connection and the Women’s Centre will be roaming in and among the crowd, so if anyone wants to strike up a conversation or ask them a question, they totally can. They’re there to talk.

Of course, there will be free condoms and lube.”

Kink: sexual practice meant to heighten intimacy and eroticism between partners.

Richard III Kelti Boissonneault Editor-in-Chief

The crumpled remains of a skeleton which have been identified as Richard III were excavated from a UK car park last fall, and the announcement of the identity has been making headlines worldwide for some days now. While the graves of most royals are recorded in history, the final resting place of Richard III had remained a mystery since his death in 1485. So, for anyone wondering who Richard III was, why the discovery of his bones and the positive identification are important, and why we should care, here is some information.

Richard III: the man, the monarch

Richard III reigned in England for only two years: 1483-1485. He was the last reigning monarch of the York line, and his death earmarked the end of the Plantagenet dynasty. Killed in action at the age of 32 in the decisive battle of Bosworth Field (War of the Roses), much mystery surrounded Richard III’s death until now.

Richard’s bones tell an interesting story of the monarch. In William Shakespeare’s biographical play entitled Richard III, the king is portrayed as a hunchbacked, Machiavellian, villainous old man as a part of Tudor propaganda popular at the time. The discovery and re-assembly of Richard’s skeleton confirms that Richard III had scoliosis (curvature of the spine) which may have affected his outward appearance and posture.

Writers who would later portray Richard III would use this deformity as an indicator of wickedness or ill-nature, despite written accounts by contemporaries of the monarch to contrary.

Richard became king when Edward IV died in 1483 leaving a young son to inherit the throne. Richard III acted as his young nephew’s regent until the Bishop of Bath argued that Edward V was a bastard due to a previous union of Edward IV to a woman other than

Edward V’s mother. Richard III then deposed the then-12 year old Edward V and had him and his brother housed in the royal apartments in the Tower of London. There is some debate as to the fate of the boys, but a theory persists that Richard III had his nephews killed — no historical record exists to either confirm or deny this.

The bones tell a story

At the time of discovery the skeleton located in the parking lot was speculated to be the remains of Richard III but there was no proof. The historical record has quite forgotten where Richard III was interred, but the details of his death were confirmed by the skeleton, along with historical documents relating the manner in which Richard died. Simply put, Richard died in battle, but his corpse was desecrated afterwards in a show of passion by his enemies. The skull and other bones give evidence of this: with fractures and knife wounds still evident hundreds of years later.

The bones have a Canadian connection as well: DNA from a family of Canadians was used to positively identify the bones of Richard III. The future of the bones remains uncertain.

The cities of York and Leicester are both vying for possession of the bones for re-burial in a proper royal tomb; however, no decisions have yet been made. In the meantime, reproductions of Richard III’s face have been constructed from the skull and comparisons to portraits (though it should be noted the portraits were all painted many years after Richard’s death.

The discovery of the bones, and their positive identification as Richard, has shed some more light on what is considered the last years of the “dark ages” of history. With more study, more may be revealed, opening the doors into the past and the story of human history.

why are some dead monarch’s remains making headlines?

the

meliorist

February 14, 2013 • 09

Cheers to Chaucer Valentine’s drinks

Why not celebrate this Valentine’s Day with a few themed drinks? Break out the pink and red – these drinks are about as sappy as they get.

Kelti Boissonneault Editor-in-Chief

Cupid Cum

Love vs. Lust

Virgin Tears

In a large coffee mug, mix: - Creme de cacao - Raspberry liqueur - Coffee Add whipping cream and raspberry drizzle on top to finish it off.

Two shots: - Love: raspberry liqueur, vermouth, and a splash of grenadine - Lust: strawberry liqueur, tequila (silver), and a splash of grenadine

In a shot glass with a salted rim: - ½ measure fireball whisky - ½ measure vodka - 2 cinnamon hearts dropped in for good measure

As always, drink responsibly. Happy Valentine’s Day!

Valentine’s Day The history, the tradition, the evolution and

Kelti Boissonneault Editor-in-Chief

The history

The history of Valentine’s Day is one shrouded in ambiguity and myth.

Popular legend suggests that Valentine’s Day commemorates the canonization of a Christian saint named Valentinus, who performed wedding ceremonies for soldiers for whom marriage under the rule of Claudius II was illegal. Valentinus was said to have lived during the Roman Empire, sometime around 300 CE. Many Christian martyrs have been named Valentine over the centuries, and a few of these have been canonized into saints.

Valentine’s Day in the religious context can actually be connected to two Valentine saints: Valentine of

Rome and Valentine of Terni.

Valentine of Rome was executed for helping Christians and marrying soldiers, and it is said that he also issued the first Valentine’s card to the daughter of his jailer, whom he cured of blindness. The card was purportedly signed “your Valentine,” a sentiment still used today. The historical record is unclear on the actual existence of any singular saint by the name of Valentine, and the legend of the card is just that — a legend.

However, from this history a new tradition has arisen.

Ancient calendars of the Greeks attribute the period of time between what modernly is mid-January and mid-February as a time to celebrate

the marriage between Zeus and Hera, while in ancient Rome, Lupercalia (ancient fertility rite) took place between Feb. 13 – 15.

In literature

The first record of the existence of Valentine in literature arises from Parlement of Foules by Geoffrey Chaucer. Chaucer mentions Valentine in this work and correlates the feast day of this saint with Feb. 14, though other religious calendars actually mark the date as early May. Chaucer’s contribution to the legend of Valentine’s Day is the start of the romantic-love tradition associated with the holiday.

Chaucer wrote the poem that mentions Saint Valentine to commemorate the anniversary of the engagement of Richard II to Anne of Bohemia.

While most people assume Chaucer’s reference is to Feb. 14, the language of the poem actually suggests the later springtime date due to the practice of mating birds (not typical for February weather in England).

the

meliorist

February 14, 2013 • 11

The tradition

Valentine’s Day has come to represent a traditional day of love and union. Sweethearts exchange gifts and cards and profess love for one another. This tradition was strengthened by the creation of courtly love in the 15th century in France. Courtly love uses the language of the courts to deal with marriage contracts, adultery, and the treatment of women, and expounds many modern ideals (fairness, loyalty, and fidelity).

The writings of Shakespeare also added to the tradition of Valentine’s when he wrote a speech for Ophelia (in Hamlet) who speaks of Valentine’s in reference to sexual intercourse

prevalent on this day. Traditionally, poems were written for lovers, and favours exchanged throughout the day to encourage more affection in the evening. The Valentine poem has slowly evolved over time, with the commercialization in 1797 with the creation of The Young Man’s Valentine Writer, which contained poems for the occasion for any man unable to compose his own. Since then, an entire economy has grown up around the writing of Valentine’s cards. The first mass-produced cards were introduced by Esther Howland in 1847 and sold in Massachusetts.

In addition to cards, confectionary was purchased for lovers. Different kinds of confection have come and

gone throughout the years, but the latest mainstay appears to be chocolate. Lots of chocolate is purchased and exchanged around Valentine’s Day, and this tradition dates back well into the 1800s. Other gifts have also been incorporated into Valentine’s Day over the decades and centuries, with the most recent inclusion of jewelry starting in the 1980s.

The evolution

If the rumours and legends of Valentine origins are true, the holiday has expanded from one of commemoration for a saint who performed secret marriages to a holiday inclusive of marriage, love, crushes, friendship,

and (more popular than ever) an excuse for sex. The greeting-card industry has become a lucrative business, with over 190 million cards circulated in the United States alone.

This number reaches over a billion if you include card exchanges between children in school (we all remember those, right?).

Since the 1980s, the holiday has become a reason to buy and exchange jewelry — as promoted by the diamond industry. More lately, the holiday has been expounded as a chance to try to make bacon-roses (which I will also be attempting…) and to venture into the new sex-craze S&M for adventurous couples and fans of 50 Shades of Grey.

! s k n i t S e v o L Maggie Kogut

Entertainment Editor An interview with Jay Whitehead, artistic director of Theatre Outré who will be performing as Didi d’Edada in Love Stinks!, a Valentine’s Day cabaret at the new Bordello theatre.

M: Can you tell me about Love Stinks! in general?

J: It’s basically a cabaret event. I perform in drag sometimes, so I’m getting more and more into that, and we’ve found this new performance space downtown. We’ve decided to initiate it by doing this cabaret, a Valentine’s Day themed cabaret. It seems these days that more people are against Valentine’s Day than for Valentine’s Day, so we’re going to play on that and do something that’s a bit bitter and jaded and angry about Valentine’s Day. So my drag persona Didi will be inviting friends and guests,

and will be singing songs about how love stinks as opposed to how great love is.

M: Who are some of the guest performers?

J: I’ve invited Jocelyn Haub and Yvonne Maendel. Both of them have performed with New West Theatre in town, both wonderful singers. Also Douglas MacArthur, who is a professor in the drama department – and we have some surprises. As well, my friend Kathy Zaborsky will be coming in to town to play Castrati Gellati, who is a 19th-century drag king. So we’ll have cross-dressing on both sides.

M: So we’ve touched on the song aspect of the show, but what else can the audience expect from the performances?

J: Drag queens tend to be highly

irreverent, and not politically correct, and a bit crass – well, a lot crass. So we expect to have a lot of frank discussion about sex, and love, and exes, and talking bad about people who we’ve dated; trash talking basically, a lot of that. We’re also going to be encouraging people to ask questions of Didi by way of sex-ed box, you know like you would have in high school, where you can ask your most intimate questions and probably the dirtier the better. And Didi will, with her guests, be pulling from the box to answer audience members’ questions.

M: That is neat! So are there any kinds of limits to that?

J: Not at all! No, we’re saying the sky’s the limit. And the company – Theatre Outré, this new theatre company – the whole point of it is to

push the boundaries, because no one’s really doing that in this city.

M: So is this the first Theatre Outré performance in Lethbridge?

J: Officially, yes. We did an event last year that was small, called My Funny Valentine, that we took to Dublin. But we did do a couple of shows, and also Pretty, Witty and Gay, which is an annual gay-themed cabaret that has been run by Theatre Outré for a number of years.

M: Interesting, so I guess for this show you’ll have to do improv. Are you excited for that?

the

meliorist

February 14, 2013 • 13 J: I am, and what I find exciting about it is, I mean, improv is a bit scary. I’m a trained actor, so I’m used to rehearsing my lines and rehearsing my movements, and kind of playing within that safety zone. But as a character, like when I put on my drag, it’s kind of like putting on a mask, so there’s safety in that. And if the character just takes over, that relieves a lot of the pressure of needing to be very clever or funny, you know?

M: Yeah, I guess then it’s not on you.

J: Exactly. And the character – I know this sounds crazy – but the character knows things that I don’t. If I just trust the character then great things can happen.

M: Have you ever performed as Didi before?

J: Yes, Didi has hosted Pretty, Witty and Gay a few times, and she’s also been up at events in Calgary.

M: Wow, so she’s been around a lot then.

J: Yes, she has, and she has a terrible fashion sense. She’s not like your typical glamour queen. She shops at the thrift store, and is a bit tragic, but she thinks she looks fabulous.

M: So what are her usual costume pieces?

J: Well she really likes vintage clothing, so you would find her wearing a lot of bright colours, and things that mismatch. Or else kind of a postmod-

ern style of dressing, where she would mix a dress from the 1970s with something like hip hop shoes, or something like that.

M: Sounds very eclectic!

J: Very eclectic, yes, and she sings live, which a lot of drag queens don’t.

Mostly drag queens will lip synch, which is great, but I prefer to sing live.

M: That’s pretty impressive.

J: Well, I don’t sing like a woman. I sing like me – well, Didi sings like me, but with the illusions; there are all kinds of voices out there.

M: So will the other performers be in drag too?

J: I’ve invited them to come as a character; they may or may not. I don’t really have a preference. I kind of hope that they surprise me, but I’m also just as happy for them to come as themselves, and be a bit thrown off balance by the happenings. We’re not going to prepare them for what Didi might ask them.

M: Really?

J: Yeah, so it’s going to be a lot of fun. Another guest we’re going to have is Richie Wilcox, who teaches in the drama department, and was also top 10 of the first season of Canadian Idol. So were kind of playing with that notion quite a bit, and making fun of the fact that he was first voted off of Canadian Idol. Of course it’s a big deal to have been on Canadian Idol, but

you know there’s something fun about this b-list celebrity or d-list or whatever, making a big show in Lethbridge, Alberta, you know, like it’s a big deal.

We’re kind of being very tongue and cheek about being big stars in Lethbridge.

M: That’s interesting! And well of course, Lethbridge is the greatest.

J: Of course, it’s LA! M: Yeah totally, just with cowboys. So as a performer in Love Stinks!, what do you personally think of Valentine’s Day? J: I actually think it’s kind of silly, to be honest, and I think holidays in general are over-commercialized. I don’t really think that Valentine’s is even a real thing. Didn’t somebody say that Hallmark invented it as a holiday? I mean, I think it’s a religious holiday, like Saint Valentine; but just like with Halloween, which is all saints day, we’ve made that into a commercial event. At least I can get behind Halloween, because it’s a bit fun and silly. I think Valentine’s just raises expectations for people, be they in a relationship or not; I think it’s always disappointing. It’s kind of like New Year’s. We get our hopes up so high that we’re going to have this fantastic time, and then it ends up just being another day, do you know what I mean?

M: Yeah! Not me – just PJs, and it was cool.

J: Yeah, exactly! Which is the whole point. Like people hate Valentine’s Day and whether they’re single or not I think people just think it’s stupid. I kind of just want to riff on that and rip on it. Yeah, I don’t really believe in it. I have a partner, but I don’t need a day to celebrate that.

M: Yeah, I’ve heard people say every day should be important to that.

J: Exactly, yeah.

M: So will the commercialized aspect of Valentine’s Day play into the show?

J: Oh yeah, I’m going to be pretty ruthless with it.

M: That’s cool then that it’s on Valentine’s Day! J: Exactly! Yeah, because we were going to do it on the weekend, but Valentine’s Day is on Thursday. So we might as well do it on the real day, and one day after that. After the fact, so we could get two shows in.

M: So, is this the first performance in the new theatre space?

J: Yeah, it’s the grand opening of it.

It’s called Bordello. It’s on the third floor above the Owl Acoustic Lounge, and the space has been empty for a number of years. It used to be an overflow dining room for a restaurant

that used to be on the second floor.

It’ll seat about 40-50 people. It’s a small and intimate space, but we felt that Lethbridge didn’t have a performance space of that kind of size for theatre events. There are theatres and then there are bars, but there isn’t really a theatre space that would seat a small number of people, and I think it’s a small city and we need to have a space like that. So yeah, this will be the first event happening there and we’re really excited to see how that turns out.

M: What are your hopes for this space in the future?

J: Well, we have a lot of ideas. For Theatre Outré itself, part of its mandate is to promote theatre that is queer – and we say queer in the sense of LGBT, but also weird and other and just experimental. We kind of hope that it will be like a sanctuary for people in the city who aren’t otherwise represented in the community. A lot of the theatre and art that’s already done here plays to the conservative audience that is the majority, but I think there is a group of people in the city who have darker ideas. Do you know what mean?

M: Yes, definitely.

J: Yeah, we want to see stuff that’s a little more edgy on stage, and we kind of hope that it’ll be a place for that.

There isn’t a queer space in the city.

There isn’t a place where LGBT people can gather and be themselves and feel completely safe about that. So we’re kind of hoping that it’ll be a performance space as well as a social space.

M: Cool, that sounds really great! So, if I understand correctly, you are a director?

J: I’m the artistic director of the company, which means I choose the shows that will happen, and occasionally I will direct one. For this one I happen to be in the show, and there isn’t really a director per se. We’re all just kind of seeing what happens.

We’ll rehearse the singing part of the show, but otherwise it’s just going to be a fly by the seat of your pants kind of a night. Hopefully we all get wasted, and have a good time, and kick love’s ass!

Sure to be a couple of fantastic nights, Love Stinks! is running on Feb. 14 and 15 . Doors open at 7 p.m. and the shows start at 8 p.m. Tickets are $10 at the door. So have some actual fun on Valentine’s Day and help Didi and her guests show love how it’s done.

celebrate V-Day with anatomical accuracy

Maggie Kogut

Entertainment Editor Today The Flaming Lips are releasing a Valentine’s Day album, and you literally have to break a heart to get at the album itself. The albums will be released in anatomically accurate chocolate hearts, with encased USBs that contain the album entitled Songs of Love.

According to the band, the hearts are made out of “72% South American dark chocolate studded with hazelnut mini whoppers and waffle cone crunch,” musical and delicious for chocolate lovers everywhere. The chocolate is made by a chocolatier company out of Dallas, U.S. called Dude, Sweet Chocolate. Each box is signed by Wayne Coyne and Steven

Drodz, and the album is selling for $60 per box – but unfortunately, it is allegedly sold out already.

Songs of Love includes familiar tracks such as a cover of “All You Need Is Love” from The Beatles, and “Love Is Mind Control,” a track that was recorded for a King Crimson tribute album. A song that was featured in a Super Bowl commercial for Hyundai has also found its way onto Songs of Love: Sun Blows Up Today.”

Not the first time that The Flaming Lips have blurred the boundaries of food and music, in 2011 they released a USB containing four songs – the USB happened to be in a life-sized gummy candy skull. The skulls are sold at $150

a head, weigh 7 lbs, and contain 7,440 calories. According to TIME, Coyne said “that he could eat a whole one, but he hasn’t tried because he thinks it would make him constipated.” Good call, Coyne. The band also expanded their gummy project to even include gummy fetuses, which at the time the band said would probably not go into mass production. However, looking at their merch website, I have located the fetuses still for sale at $35 each, with a USB of three songs in each fetus. So the next time you’re looking for a gummy fetus, you’ll know where to look.

Here is a full track list of Songs of Love, courtesy of mxdwn.com: 01 Love is Mind Control [ft. Stardeath and White Dwarfs] 02 Be My Head 03 Can’t Exist 04 Hit Me Like You Did the First Time 05 Let Me Be It 06 Moth in the Incubator 07 Sunship Balloons 08 Thanks to You 09 Spiderbite Song 10 When You Smile 11 With You 12 Pomeii am Gotterdammerung 13 What Is the Light?

14 Just Above Love 15 All You Need Is Love [ft. Alex and Jade of Edward Sharpe and the Magnetic Zeros]

the

meliorist

February 14, 2013 • 15

Giving macabre endings to television shows: part one Andrew McCutcheon Entertainment Contributor

How I Met Your Mother

Robin has been complaining of seeing lights in the sky, having panic attacks when she wakes up in the morning in a different place than where she fell asleep, and losing entire hours at a time from her memory. The gang writes it off as stress from her new job, but Robin is convinced she is being stalked by some sort of alien presence. The whole gang laughs her theory off, and she storms out of the bar telling them, “You’ll see… You’ll all see.” Lily comes home late to find Robin cutting open Marshall with a steak knife, claiming that he was “one of them.” Lily kills herself in grief. Ted finds and has to kill Robin to stop her from doing the same to Barney, and from her shell of a corpse emerge two small infants (the alien paranoia was not only an infection, but also their way of multiplying and fertilizing humans). Ted gets the children he’s always wanted and has to kill Barney to keep things under wraps. The show zooms out to the kids on the couch as Ted tells them

that “That is how I met your mother,” and the camera pans to the left to reveal a pulsating, multi-faced monstrosity with innumerable tentacles, grunting and mewling in unpronounceable tongues. The camera pans back to see the children on the couch, who have glowing blue eyes.

Community

I got nothing. The fact that this show is ending is terrifying enough all on its own.

BBC’s Sherlock

Watson becomes obsessed with Holmes’ final words. He refuses to believe in his death. He analyzes every second of that moment, plays it through his head repeatedly. He spends the rest of his life relying on his army pension to sustain him as he meticulously studies the remains of Holmes’ website and writings, committing himself to using his former friend’s style of deductive reasoning to find out what truly happened on that fateful day.

Years pass. Lestrade attempts to keep in contact, but as time goes on, it gets more and more difficult to talk to John. He becomes a recluse. A social shut-in. He believes that he needs to become as smart and as knowledgeable as Holmes was in order to find him. Mrs. Hudson passes, leaving 221B Baker Street to John in her will.

He doesn’t show up to the funeral.

Decades pass.

John is an old, broken man. Now, in his sixties, his obsession has become a madness. He goes to Reichenbach daily, convincing himself that it’s only to study the place where it all happened. But every day he brings himself closer and closer to the edge.

One night, he has had too much to drink. He goes to the top of the building and sees a man, dressed in all black, sitting in a chair in front of him.

His heart stops. Could it really be? “…S-s-sherlock…?” He whimpers out quietly.

“I am very sorry for your loss, Mr. Watson.” An aged Mycroft turns around. Years of fighting for the good of England have taken a toll on his

face. Liver spots and wrinkles cloud his emotions, but Watson can still tell he has been crying.

Mycroft explains how Holmes had faked his own death, and for John’s safety, refused to come out of hiding for any reason. Mycroft explains that Sherlock still kept a close eye on John.

Mycroft smiles as he fondly relates to John “how proud he was that you were starting to be able to think like him… to see like him…”

John, having grown accustomed to deductive reasoning already knows what’s happened. Mycroft’s use of past-tense. The black clothes. The overused handkerchief sticking out of his right breast pocket.

“Cancer?” John whispers, already knowing the answer.

“The cigarettes caught up with him eventually.”

Mycroft gets up and leaves. John stands looking over the edge of Reichenbach for a long time.

He then leaves.

Walking with a limp.

the

meliorist

February 14, 2013 • 18

Crossword

Across 1. Goods for sale 6. Cuts lawn 10. Nature of being 14. Actress _____ Astaire 15. Hawaiian island 16. "Inter ____" = among other things 17. Sticker 18. Compound derived from an aromatic hydrocarbon 19. Dispatched 20. Used in Rorschach tests 22. Woolly coat of a sheep 24. Original Equipment Manufacturers 25. Where relief pitchers warm up 26. French form of "Peter" 29. Subtle emanation 30. Videogame/movie heroine ____ Croft 31. Relating to coins

Sudoku

37. Streaked chalcedony 39. Society of Biblical Literature 40. Farewell 41. Facial blood discharges 44. 1 1 1 45. ____acks = housing for soldiers 46. Removes by cleansing 48. US poet Wallace _______ (1879-1955) 52. Farm shed 53. Spoof 54. Study of forces and motion 58. Way out 59. Again 61. "Diff'rent Strokes" actress _____ Volz 62. Pleasant 63. Former gossip columnist ____ Barrett 64. Untwist the strands of a rope 65. Russian emperor 66. Low cart without sides 67. Trods

Down 1. Dry riverbed 2. Gulf in the Arabian Sea 3. Take heed (archaic) 4. Expand upon 5. Vendor 6. Protective trenches 7. Paddles 8. For what purpose or reason 9. Compounds of a certain smelly element 10. Artist's workstand 11. Nap 12. From that time 13. Consumed 21. Portent 23. Andes beast of burden 25. Construct 26. Scheme 27. Enemy of Othello 28. Historical periods 29. Yellow fossilized resin 32. Utilizers 33. Decoration 34. Sound of a small bell 35. Electrical

Right in the mommy/daddy button

engineering group 36. Swear 38. Waned 42. Short rope 43. Extent 47. 7th planet 48. Expended 49. Cabs 50. Genus of heathers 51. Person who participates in an election 52. Secluded path 54. Name from the native American for "Valley" 55. Inactive 56. Expletive 57. Tells 60. Neither ___

Easy Hard

the

meliorist

February 14, 2013 • 19

Our truth and effort:

About time, Boy Scouts Kelti Boissonneault Editor-in-Chief

A few weeks ago Boy Scouts of America announced they will be reviewing their policy on allowing openly gay leaders and boys into their organization. What shocked me about the appearance of this story was not that they were going into talks about it – it was that it hadn’t happened already.

Openly gay men and boys cannot be in Boy Scouts? What!?

Not only is this an appalling example of discrimination, but it defeats the purposes of Scouting in general, which is to engender a community of inclusion and appreciation for people’s differences. As a person involved in the Guiding/Scouting world in Canada for over a decade, the discrimination this policy represents astounds and disappoints me.

Those who are unfamiliar with homosexuality, or who for some

reason are threatened by it, will point out that it is a reasonable policy for gay men and boys to be restricted from situations where there are other men and boys — which is ridiculous.

Homosexual men are not interested in starting relationships with straight men, nor are they interested in starting relationships with children — those would be called pedophiles.

There is a statistical lack of pedophiles in the homosexual community because gay men are often attracted to what makes men attractive to women: secondary sexual characteristics that arise after puberty.

For those younger scout members who may have discovered their sexuality already, great! Take the time to educate your troop-mates on your worldviews. Education is important, and the kind of discrimination promoted by the current policy only acts to increase the barriers and leads

to less understanding and more bullying. Parents need not be worried that their son (or daughter) is friends with a homosexual boy or girl — this is a good thing! The uneducated phobia of sexual promiscuity in gays is a false stereotype and absolutely outrageous.

The fact that this is even up for question is ludicrous. Of course homosexual men and women should be able to participate openly in these organizations: they are truly great community-building organizations (or they could be). Of course every man, woman, and child shall have the same rights as others — that’s just common sense, and the fact that Scouts discriminates against someone is simply begging for a lawsuit.

Looking at this situation, I find myself enamoured with the possibility of a future where there is no discrimination, when men and women are

introduced as men and women, not as “gay man” and “lesbian.” This current obsession the media has, and the public has with the scary gay threat needs to end, and needs to end now. There is no difference, and what happens in someone’s bedroom/tent between two consenting adults is none of anyone else’s damned business.

Boy Scouts of America: you are currently epitomizing the problem with our culture — you should be ashamed.

What if school could go to you?

Where life and learning click™

16 Alberta institutions 70+ online programs 800+ online courses 1 location Online learning is flexible and enables you to work on your courses without having to leave your home community.

Accounting Business Administration Criminal Justice Early Childhood Education Human Resources Land Administration Nursing Power Engineering

And much more . . .

Register now at eCampusAlberta.ca

Academic Upgrading and University Transfer also available

Accredited programs offered by 16 post-secondary institutions

the

meliorist

February 14, 2013 • 21

Pinball

Travis Robinson Sports Editor

I had the amazing opportunity to chat with CFL legend Michael “Pinball” Clemons as he visited the University of Lethbridge for a presentation as part of the MSS conference.

The shifty running back turned coach turned front office executive has made himself a national icon with his motivational demeanour and ever-present smile. Herewith, an abridged version of my conversation with Pinball.

Travis Robinson: You were drafted by the Kansas City Chiefs in the 1987 NFL draft. Given that season was shortened by a player’s strike, how did that affect your NFL aspirations?

Pinball Clemons: They’re going to pick the team and do what they do.

But, you make the team, you go out, you play one game, and then all of a sudden you got out on strike. Many guys are veterans; they’ve been there for 10 – 12 years or whatever. I was just arriving and I just got my first taste, and played one game, and we go out on strike, and it’s like ‘oh no.’ With that, it hurt the masses… it was what it was, and we just did it. That was a disappointing experience, and one that was a little bit like a tidal wave coming at you. You just got no control; you can’t stop the tidal wave. You have to let it rip and see what happens afterwards and have to try and respond to the emergency at hand.

TR: Why didn’t you attend one of the big Florida colleges for football?

PC: They weren’t looking for me.

They all said I was too small. Even if they were knocking, William and Mary College probably would have been the best choice for what I wanted to do. I don’t know if I would have had the discipline to turn that opportunity

down if it came, so sometimes the things that don’t happen are the best things that happen to you.

TR: You’ve said before that the CFL is the best football in the world. Do you still stand by that, despite the NFL’s stranglehold on professional football?

PC: From a business standpoint, the beta tape was better than the VHS tape, and it cost less. We got caught up on VHS tapes, and never did get beta going at any capacity so you could drive the price down to where it should be. From that standpoint, what I really mean is that if you had those guys play this brand of football, it would be even more interesting. You look at the innovations of the [NFL] game, and the things that they do; the sets where they have all the receivers out, there’s no backs in the backfield; we [the CFL] were doing that in 1990 or 1991. Doug [Flutie] may have been doing it earlier. We started doing that, and the running quarterback [in the CFL] has been forever. Even defense, and knowing how defense is played, there are a lot of things that have been [in the CFL] for a while that they [the NFL] adopted. They obviously did not say that we got this from the Canadian Football League. If you had no fair catches, and you got a single point, so you brought that intangible back into play, and had wider fields where guys had a bit more room to make a play and do some things, their [the NFL] game would be better.

TR: Regarding your coaching style, what style of coaching [disciplinarian or “player’s coach”] did you find more effective in motivating and maintaining a high level of competition within the locker room?

PC: I believe a successful coach is not about pigeonholing yourself. The discipline coach has to learn how to be human sometimes; the relationship coach has to be strategic. We can say this guy is more that or more this, but you have to be able to, in some ways, be a chameleon. More than anything, you are actually getting to know your people and you learn what drives them and how to get the best out of them. When you can learn that, you can learn how to get the best out of these individuals. That’s when you have great success as a team and that’s when you do your job as a leader. If they can get to the same place without you, why are you there?

It is really kind of being able to look at your team and survey and say these are our needs right here and have a good understanding of that… sometimes you need to have somebody else on your staff that handles that part of it. For me, our assistant head coach would always do the practice schedules and everything, and put that out… we need to put our players in positions where they can be successful, and not put them in a position where they can’t have success. I’d ultimately say that as a leader, either you or someone on your staff, a player or an administrator, has to be able to reach every guy on your team. Your job is to get them to go further than they could have on their own.

TR: There have been debates brought forth on whether or not it is even safe to play football, given numerous stories of the effects of concussions and whatnot. Where do you stand on that particular issue of

player safety?

PC: I believe that we have to continue to look at the data. We have to be honest with what the data tells us. I haven’t read enough about it… For me, if it was my own child, and my own child wanted to play football, they could play football. Once they got a concussion, we need to check and see where they are. It’s been my experience that guys that are symptomatic after a concussion, generally have the other things that go on. I don’t know how many concussions I had… based on how they continue to define it, I may have had as many as 100 by the way they’re defining it today. For me, that’s neither here nor there; I played with a bunch of guys that are in the same boat. We all seem to be doing fine… sometimes it seems we get the data from those that have had issues… if you’re looking at people who have committed suicide, and have those kinds of issues, if you’re only looking at those guys, it would be more reasonable that 90 per cent of them would have [had concussions]…

How many [healthy] brains are you looking at?... What I have seen is that the guys that are symptomatic to a concussion tend to have reoccurring concussion… I’m not going to tell my child you can’t ski because you might get a concussion. After they get a concussion, now we need to evaluate and take a look… Just evaluating on a case-to-case basis… I think it is extremely early in the investigation, and I would treat my child on a case-by-case basis.

Jeff Nicol, Ryan Thornley

The Swimmers Travis Robinson Sports Editor

I sat down with senior Pronghorn swimmers Jeff Nicol and Ryan Thornley, two of the school’s most dominant athletes, to discuss their lengthy swimming careers and the upcoming CIS Championships. Herewith, a word with these gentlemen.

Travis Robinson: Can you give us a brief overview of your swimming careers at the U of L? Jeff Nicol: This is my last year of eligibility here [at the U of L]. The team has changed drastically since I’ve come here, and when I’m done with the Pronghorns, I’m going to still swim. I’ll go back to the club, so I’ll still swim with [head swim coach] Peter [Schori]. It’s been an interesting five years. It’s really great having Peter now; it’s quite a bit different from what we’ve had. I had [former swim coach] Brad [May] for seven years; back in high school I was still with Brad, so it’s different now.

Ryan Thornley: I’m in fourth year, and still have one year left of varsity. I was coached by Brad for my first three years here, which was pretty interesting. Brad helped me mature into the athlete that I needed to be to achieve the high level that I do, that I have my sights on. I have more of a good work

ethic, things like that. Peter coming in after that was sort of auspicious to my future as a swimmer because he was able to take the work that was already underneath me and put quality on top of that. We’re both top 10 in the country; hopefully we can maintain those spots.

TR: What has been the biggest difference between your club teams and the University of Lethbridge team?

JN: I would say unity. People are more set on more common goals, and we all want to beat other teams. Especially at CanWest [Championships]; that’s incredible team unity there, and every single year. We always try to beat out University of Victoria or take out U of A or something like that.

RT: When you’re younger, swimming in club teams and through high school, everyone is swimming for their own reasons, whether it be the social aspect or for fitness or to be the best at swimming or whatever. But once you get to varsity, it’s totally different.

Everyone has the same mindset, for the most part… Everyone has the same goal in mind: to better the team or to score better.

TR: Given that you’re both senior

members of the team, and with the intensity of your training, have you found it hard to maintain the intensity of the training as you’ve progressed in your swimming careers?

JN: With Peter, there have been certain changes. We do different things; we don’t train together on some of those main sets. With Brad, it was pretty generic, and with Peter you get something that’s completely new and that’s why it’s pretty incredible. I get something that’s catered to me… at training camp and at Christmas, when we’re doing these specific sets for us, it’s very intense, and we were pretty tired by the end of the camp.

RT: With our old coach [Brad May], he was a great coach and he knew swimming very well; he was so passionate about swimming. He was a really successful swimmer himself, so he tended to train swimmers the way he trained, and he had a generic program for our whole team, and that’s when people became stagnant with their training. You start to lose focus, and training intensity starts to drop off a little bit. That’s why I use the word auspicious when Peter came, because it was just so drastic. You never get used to training with Peter; every week

there is something new going on that you’re not going to be ready for but you need to be on your toes for. It’s always going to be intense. With Peter… I always tell people he’s brought back the love of swimming for us, so it’s really easy to stay focused and keep your goals in sight.

TR: You’re both attending the CIS Championship between Feb. 21 and 24 in Calgary. Is there a dramatic difference between the Canada West Championships and the CIS Championships?

RT: For us, at CanWest, we basically take our entire team. Everyone qualifies for CanWest, and it’s more lighthearted. A lot of people aren’t as intense about it. It’s still a really high-level meet, as far as varsity goes… As far as CIS goes, it’s the championship meet, it’s for the trophy, it’s for the prestige. That’s why everyone takes [CIS] a bit more seriously, and trains for CIS every year. For Jeff and I, we qualify for CIS right off the bat. You have to qualify every year; that’s where it gets a bit more intense – every year it gets faster… there are standards every year that you have to re-qualify for, and if you don’t, you don’t get to go.

the

meliorist

February 14, 2013 • 23

Sex and chocolate:

a quick and dirty guide to food in the bedroom Kelti Boissonneault Editor-in-Chief

Spicing up your love life this Valentine’s Day can be as easy as introducing a few of those favourite foods into the bedroom. Many people will expound the lovemaking intensities of so-called aphrodisiac foods, while others will deny their existence.

Whether these foods are proven mood-enhancers or not, here are some basic how-to’s for introducing food into the bedroom and minimizing your mess:

1. Pick your favourites — both (all) of you: when selecting which foods to bring into the room, consider things that you’d love to taste along with your partner’s kisses. Licking foods off each other is a popular activity, so going for something sweet is a good option (mixes with the natural salty taste of skin well).

2. Utensils clutter the bed: avoid using foods that require utensils to eat. Even if you are a raging pasta lover, fork-twirling is not impressive

when your partner lies on the fork afterwards. Keep things simple with finger foods like fruit, bits of chocolate, large nuts (small ones get lost in the rumpus), creams, sauces, and candy.

3. Allergens are a no-no: keep in mind any allergies you or your partner have and make sure no allergens come into the bedroom with you. This is important — a trip to the hospital or a sudden shot with an EpiPen will (obviously) ruin your night.

4. Lay a towel down first: if using sticky substances like chocolate sauce or honey (great, by the way!) lay a towel down to preserve the sheets.

This will keep your mess contained and is easier to wash later.

5. Liquids are okay — in small amounts: dribbling a little red wine into the hollow at the base of your lover’s neck, or licking a droplet from their shoulder can be a winner for sexy.

However, pouring half a bottle over their torso is just cold, sticky, and

makes puddles in the bed — they will not thank you for it.

6. Do not put food particles or pieces anywhere except the mouth!

No, you will not be able to fish the macadamia nut back out with just your tongue: this will cause embarrassment and could cause medical complications. Instead, set the nut on their stomach just above the navel and dribble some honey or chocolate sauce from their neck down to the nut.

They have to be very still as you lick your way from neck to navel and enjoy your tasty treat: way sexier than “Hey! Where’d it go!?”

7. Plan foods ahead of time and have the conversation with your partner(s) about what kinds of foods they would like to see in the bedroom.

Classics and clichés are fine, but think outside the box too!

8. Warm foods and cool foods are okay. Hot foods and ice pose risk of burns or frost bite. Be careful! Do not overheat chocolate sauce and then

dump it on your or your partner’s skin; this will burn and kill the mood. Test like you would a baby bottle: a little dab on your wrist. If you can bear it there, it’s safe to use elsewhere — enjoy.

As always, have fun with your adventuring between the sheets, but do make sure you are using adequate protection from both STIs and pregnancy. Also, consent must be given by both parties before engaging in sex. If at any time either partner becomes uncomfortable, speak up!

Talk it out and rearrange or stop altogether and watch a movie and snuggle. Don’t go beyond your personal boundaries. Happy Valentine’s Day!

** Submit your TLFs at www.themeliorist.ca. All TLFs must be submitted via a valid uleth e-mail account. Keep in mind that libelous or offensive TLFs may be edited or omitted. The TLFs do not reflect the view or opinions of The Meliorist Publishing Society.

My dearest Renae, A more beautiful girl have I never seen, I count down the days till I shall see your face again and this time never leave. Ordinary man in love with an angel Hello to the tall, dark, and handsome boy with the satchel that I sometimes see in the wrap line up at CJ’s… you are the only reason why I actually eat there sometimes. -A @FMA vs. Last Airbender Korra was pretty awesome, super stoked for season 2, but Aang will forever be my favourite. Sorry Naga, just not quite as cool as Appa I mean he flies c’mon Dear Single Guy from Mustache Rodeo, Grow that lip cozy so I have something to ride the next time we meet. P.S. Grow it, you’re gorgeous with it. - Secret Admirer SS: Both your physique and personality are super attractive.

There’s nothing I’d like more than to make poor decisions with you. – Crazed but in Control Pink lemonade. nice. nice touch. goddamnit that’s good. aw shit. that is fresh.

Matt Tata, I don’t want to burst your bubble…but you’re not fooling anyone- we all know you secretly play

the

the banjo!!! =D To the people who were in L1020 on Feb.5 at 6:30pm… It was my time in that room. I was polite and didn’t interrupt you, but next time pay attention to the time your booked too

EXTREMELY disappointed in the person who chose to key my car in lot E Feb 6th. I hope by venting your frustration out on my car, would save you from even greater atrocities.

SAD! To the absolutely gorgeous girl with the blue hair in Geography 2600. One day I will nut up and talk to you…one day.

To the hot NEUR4850 TAs – Thanks for all the effort you both put in Viminitz: “somebody has to take the D” to the dickless piece of shit who deemed it necessary to break into my truck for a $100 gift certificate and $17 in change….. Karma is a bitch bro

To the guy in the white hat and the redhaired girl in the red shirt, making out in the pool gallery isn’t your best idea. We can see you, and it’s gross.

Please stop.

Dear all straight men and lesbians, Please trim your fingernails Sincerely, Traumatized Lesbian

We’re university students, using a parking lot properly really shouldn’t be that hard.

Dear “A True Blonde” Sorry if we pull our dye job off better than you pull off your natural hair colour. Don’t hate the player hate the game. From A HOTTER Blonde What do you do with a sick chemist?

If you can’t helium, and you can’t curium, then you might as well barium!

To the girl who checked up on me in the Uhall bathroom on the morning of Jan 21st: I wish there were more people like you. Thanks for extending your hand to me.

Sincerely, Crybaby Hey, Sadcat, this one’s for you! I wish you all the best, now get out there and strut your stuff, from one graduating student to another.

Cheers, darlin’!

You’re all I find in the Room of Requirement – SlyromanticSpiderSean

Shout out to my boy Maky! You’re so talented and you’re one of the best friends anyone could have. Love you man! Everyone…check him out! #madlove #zimbocanadianlove

are there any other giraffes out there?

I’m just looking to neck with someone. #tallgirlproblems

143 to infinity and beyond!

Happy Valentine’s Day

Classic rock and blues dance party! It should be a thing

If your mantra is – “Cs Get Degrees” – I think you’re a moron who’s wasting your time.

@Nerdfighter what’s your fave vlog?

Mine is definitely the “In Your Pants” one. Except for perhaps the one where John tries to be an octopus and fails.

The PRIDE Centre is looking for performers for Valentine’s is Such a Drag on March 8! Auditions will be held Feb.7 12-9pm, Feb.10 12-5pm, Feb.12&13 7-9pm in the PRIDE Centre(SU058)

If you’re old enough to go to university, you’re too old for a hat with animal ears on.

is

“Boys have penises, girls have vaginas!” -LOL LOL LOL LOL LOL Kindergarten Cop

hiring

for the 2013/2014 school year!

Inquire or apply at einc@themeliorist.ca

the

meliorist

February 14, 2013 • 25

Email applications including cover letter, resume, and portfolios to:

einc@themeliorist.ca

Deadline: March 9, 2013 at midnight Just when I feel like giving up, Lisa brings cookies. Thank you!

Counselling Services is hosting a free Yoga class in AH100 from 6:30-8:00pm on Tue Feb 26. Yoga is a great way to relax and release stress! Please bring a mat.

To the gurl taking snap chats of herself at the pool, you look amazing!! keep doing your thang!! =) If anybody finds a set of keys on a Skyrim lanyard please give send me an email at toxikblurr@hotmail.com .

Thanks! (:

icecream and bacon cravings

Nerdfighter meet up?

U of L, check out the facebook memes page “University of Lethbridge Memes”. Make your own meme. Post it. Like it. Share it. You know you want to.

Dear D2 guy: Compensating for something?

And we don’t care how much you can lift as long as you work out at the gym instead of right above our heads.

- D1

An anthropologist walks into a bar and asks “why is this joke funny?”

An industry that is trying to kill off the people who’s land and culture was stolen from them is evil. Calling all INM supporters “not real canadians” is typecasting. Lemon out.

Girl with short hair and sat in front of me in stats last semester. You always catch my eye. Stay beautiful His name is Raugust but everyone pronounces it like “Ray-gast”

Climber girl – we need to hang out more. After mid-terms?

Discipula To whoever wrote TICKET ME across my windshield: I would have done the same, thanks for standing up for yourself! However, my F Pass’ serial number is valid in lot FS. Sorry!

Bingo boy/girl: could you be more specific? There are plenty of cute blonde girls. – Interested blonde girl from bingo

Our water has been poisoned with feelings, sincerly girls from D2 with

Nerdfighter reporting for duty, Captain!

For These Positions:

If you don’t want to be mistaken for a lesbian then don’t wear a lesbians uniform. Its very confusing!

•

Dear Confused Girl, Feel free to bring a lady friend Xoxo U of L boy willing to help

Don’t be so ignorant, it’s insulting.

What the eff is Hank? DFTBA!

To Royal, Now you can stop complaining about not getting a TLF. Here you go! Be happy!

“girls in the room beside you”, can you describe those guys from the markin hall study room? -mhguys

Editor in Chief

• Creative Director

• Business Manager • Production Manager • Advertising Manager

• Design Assistants

To the guys hockey team, So much talent and no one wants to play TOGETHER… Clearly it’s working for ya keep it up! #smartlikestick When the season changed, who decided to hire Helen Keller as a valet in parking lot E. I want to commend the Women’s Center for addressing the issues surrounding Disordered Eating. The problem around campus is MUCH bigger than anyone could realize.

Stay beautiful. to the girls who were talking constant in the library on sunday – seriously. quiet zone for a reason.

• Section Editors:

• News/Campus Beat

• Features

• Entertainment

• Sports/Lifestyle

•

To whoever thinks people make the internet. Shut up.

You said you didn’t give a fuck about hockey And I never saw someone say that before You held my hand and we walked home the long way You were loosening my grip on Bobby Orr Pursue or give up on the exact feeling. The Utilities are playing @ The Owl this Friday (15th). Come and feel the love. It’s a Flag Day Celebraish! And there’s NO COVER! To the short curly haired angel, I love that you are my best friend, and hope to always have you in my life even if it isn’t in the way I dream about. <3 Short hair girl and wishful thinking, I’m sure many girls with short hair ride bus 32, but there is one in particular that I’ve been drawn to and I’m hopeful/wishful that it’s you.

Nickelback Joke of the Week: Two people go to see a Nickelback concert.

It’s been six years and I love you more now than ever before. Happy anniversary Stephen!

Any Imgurians?

Photo Editor

Copy Editor • Webmaster •

• Account

Representative

Year in Review, and Thanks to All of You!

WHAT TO WATCH FOR IN THE ELECTION Armin Escher President With the 2013 Student Council elections coming up, we want to let you know what you should keep your eyes open for: POSTERS While these will be everywhere and somewhat annoying, the posters will be your best indicator that the campaign has started. Some are funny and meant to get the candidate attention; some are more serious. While there isnâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;t much space on the posters for a full campaign platform, most posters will have a link to a website more information on what they stand for.

TOWN HALLS AND DEBATES There will be two town halls and one executive debate this year. At

these events, each candidate will be given the opportunity to speak for a few minutes and answer questions from the audience. These town halls are the easiest way for you as a voter to get information on the candidates.

The debates will be similar, but with an opportunity for the Executive Council candidates to go head to head on certain topics, either chosen by the moderator or the audience. Town halls will be on Tuesday, Feb. 26 and Wednesday, Feb. 27 at noon, with the debate on Thursday, Feb. 28 at noon. All town halls and debates will be held in the University Hall Atrium.

THE MELIORIST The on-campus newspaper will be providing coverage throughout the campaign, as well as give each candidate an opportunity to introduce themselves in the paper. If you are looking to the Meliorist for on-campus news covered nowhere else, this would be it!

ULSU WEBSITE Heading to our website at ulsu. ca will show you a list of the candidates with a short bio and election platform. If you miss the town hall debates, this will be the best place to get information on the candidates, as the website is up 24 hours per day!

FACEBOOK/TWITTER Most candidates will take to social media sites to promote their candidacy and the voting period in general. The most useful aspect of the online presence of the candidates will be the opportunity to start and witness some more debate either between the candidates or with a voter.

This is where it can get fun!

ONLINE VOTING Voting will happen online from March 6 to 8. There will be an initial e-mail sent out to all students by the voting has begun and a link will be in-

cluded. This link will also be available on the ULSU website throughout the voting period. Everyone will be able to vote for all Executive Council positions and the Board of Governors rep. You will also be eligible to vote for the candidates running for faculty reps for the faculty you are registered in. International, FNMI, Residence, Calgary Campus, and Edmonton Campus students will also be able to vote for those candidates. Voting will close at 3 p.m. on Friday, March 8.

ELECTION RESULTS The results will be announced at The Zoo on Friday, March 8 at 5 p.m.

This is always a great party as all candidates will be there with their supporters and there will always be much cheering and happiness! Results will also be posted on the ULSU website after the results are announced at The Zoo.

Year in Review, and Thanks to All of You!

MINISTER KHAN OUT MINISTER LUKASZUK IN Armin Escher President On Feb. 4, Premier Alison Redford announced that the deputy premier, Thomas Lukaszuk, would take over as minister of enterprise and advanced education (EAE). This is in addition to his role as deputy premier he aquired from Stephen Khan, who had been in the role since last May. with Minister Khan by various student

groups across the province who had indicated that getting face time with The ULSU Executive did not get an opportunity to meet with the minister until his visit to Lethbridge on Oct.15 and the Council of Alberta University Students (CAUS) did not get a meeting until Oct. 31 â&#x20AC;&#x201C; a full six months into our term. It is extremely frustrating for a lobby organization not to get face time with the minister responsible for post-secondary education until half-

way through our terms.

We are hoping that the new minister will be more accessible to both student organizations and university administrators. This already seems to be the case as Lukaszuk had a conference call with all post-secondary presidents last week and CAUS will get some face time with him in only a short week in Edmonton at a conference hosted by the University of Alberta and organized by CAUS. At this point, we are cautiously optimis-

tic about the new minister, hoping for a better working relationship. That said, it is unfortunate that some of the headway we made with Minister Khan will likely be thrown out and we are now back to square one.

In addition to this change, Dr. Richard Starke, the MLA for VermillionLloydminster, will take over from Chistine Cusanelli as minister of tourism.

feb 14 feb 15

CKXU LOVES YOU a night geared towards safer sexual exploration! the slice @ 8:30 pm

Free beading workshop: walking with our sisters honor the missing and murdered indigenous sisters Atrium @ noon

the

meliorist

February 14, 2013 • 30

Jobs, jobs, jobs!

Let us introduce you to CES (Career & Employment Services). CES is a student service office dedicated to assisting you with your career and job search needs. We’re within the Career Co-op Services office in AH154, along with Applied Studies and the Management and Arts & Science Cooperative Education programs. CCS office hours are 9 a.m. – 12 p.m. and 1 p.m. – 4 p.m., Monday to Friday.

• • • • • •

Go to our website for more detailed information on our services: www.uleth.ca/ross/ces.

•

Upcoming information sessions:

•

University of Victoria ~ Master of Global Business Program Lethbridge campus: March 4, 12 p.m. – 1 p.m., AH116

•

Calgary campus: March 5, 4:30 p.m. – 5:30 p.m., S6025

•

•

•

•

Edmonton campus: March 6, 4 p.m. – 5 p.m., AH101 Alumni House

•

See all details at www.uleth.ca/ross/ces/events.

•

•

Deloitte CA recruitment & interview process workshops ~ Cgy & Leth campuses See all details and register at www.uleth.ca/ross/ces.

•

Upcoming conference:

•

Alberta Student Energy Networking Conference March 1, 2013 Telus Convention Centre, Calgary Details on our website at www.uleth.ca/ross/ces.

• •

• • •

Workshops to Feb. 28 (to see full schedule and sign up, go online to www.uleth.ca/ross/ces/workshops)

•

CES resume/cover letter workshops: * Thursday, Feb. 14, 10:50 a.m. – 1:20 p.m. * Tuesday, Feb. 26, 3 p.m. – 5:30 p.m.

•

Career exploration 101 workshops: * Thursday, Feb. 28, 9:30 a.m. – 11:30 a.m.

•

• •

CES career portfolios for interviews workshops: * Monday, Feb. 25, 10 a.m. – 11:30 a.m.

•

CES job search & networking workshops: * Friday, Feb. 15, 12 p.m. – 2 p.m. * Wednesday, Feb. 27, 1 p.m. – 3 p.m.

•

Visit our website www.uleth.ca/ross/ces to find the CES online job board!

Full time • Administrative Support, Edm ~ Covenant Health (Feb. 22) • Associate Professional Development Program, Cgy ~ ISN (Feb. 14)

•

Underwriting Associate – Global Graduate Program, Cgy ~ Catlin Canada (Feb. 28) Outside Sales Rep, Edm ~ Consolidated Gypsum (Feb. 14) Special Projects Manager, High Prairie ~ The MD of Big Lakes (March 1) Financial Services Representative, Leth ~ TD Canada Trust (Feb. 15) Vegetation Coordinator, Edm ~ Carillion Canada (Feb. 15) Operations Clerk ~ Agropur Cooperative (Feb. 15) IT Manager, Blue River ~ Mike Wiegele Helicopter Skiing (March 1) Personal Trainer, Leth ~ Gold’s Gym (Feb. 20) Territory Sales Support, Edm ~ Ritchie Bros. Auctioneers (Feb. 21) Asset Integrity Engineer, Cgy ~ CNRL (Feb. 21) Business Underwriting Specialist, Cgy/Edm ~ State Farm Insurance (Feb. 23) Business Intelligence Adminstrator, Leth ~ U of L (Feb. 15) Business Development, Cgy ~ Xerox (Feb. 27) Software Developer, Salmon Arm ~ USNR (March 1) Project Coordinator ~ Netricom (Feb. 28) Customer Sales Coordinator, Leth ~ Kawneer (Feb. 15) Associate Sales Representative ~ Cargill (March 15) Associate Grain Marketing Advisor ~ Cargill (March 15) Associate Production Supervisor ~ Cargill (March 15) Municipal/Urban Design Planner, Berwyn ~ Mackenzie Municipal Services Agency (March 2) Staff Accountant, Cgy ~ Matson, Driscoll & Damico (Feb. 15) Coordinator, Membership Events & Services, Cgy ~ Hockey Canada (Feb. 22) Management Trainee ~ Guillevin International (April 30) Child Development Specialist, Leth ~ YWCA (Feb. 18) Territory Manager/Consulting Agrologist, Regina/Moose Jaw ~ Ag Grow Consulting (Feb. 28) Environmental Technicians ~ Hatfield Consultants (Feb. 28) Development & Licensing Representative, Olds ~ Bayer CropScience (Feb. 25) New Grad ~ Accounting, Cgy ~ CNRL (Feb. 26) Sun Life Financial Advisor ~ Sun Life Financial (March 10) Corporate Account Manager, Cgy ~ Lyreco (March 10) Communications and Marketing Assistant, Edm ~ Alberta Distance Learning Centre (Feb. 14)

Temporary • LakeWatch Technician, Edm ~ ALMS (Feb. 22) • Deloitte National Leadership Conference, Cgy ~ Deloitte (March 22) • Supply Chain Production Coordinator, SK ~ Syngenta (Feb. 14) • Aboriginal Engagement Facilitator, Cgy ~ TERA Environmental (Feb. 16)

• • • • • •

Lab Technician, Taber ~ Lantic Inc. (Feb. 20) Senior Advisor, Edm ~ EPCOR Utilities (Feb. 15) Human Resources Intern, Cgy ~ Lafarge (Feb. 28) Sales Associate, Leth ~ FGL Sports Ltd (March 6) Wildlife Technicians ~ Hatfield Consultants (Feb. 25) Clinic Coordinator/Consultant ~ Bridges Family Programs Association of SE Alberta (Feb. 26)

Summer postings • Dining Hall Steward, Beaver Mines ~ Bert Sheppard Scout Reserve (March 31) • Park Workers/Park Patrollers, Vancouver ~ MetroVancouver (Feb. 28) • Field Summer Student ~ Harvest Operations Corp. (Feb. 17) • Property Assessment Data Collector, Taber ~ Municipal District of Taber (March 15) • Teacher, Counsellor, Instructor, Cgy/Van ~ Wynchemna (Feb. 15) • Chess Ambassador/Chess Educator, Med Hat ~ Med Hat Chess Society (March 8) • Summer Camp Counsellor, Bragg Creek ~ Easter Seals Camp Horizon (March 31) • Warehouse Assistant; Groundside Services Assistant; Planning & Engineering Admin; Springbank Maintenance, Cgy ~ Calgary Airport Authority (Feb. 15) • Summer Camp Employment, Seba Beach ~ Camp Health, Hope & Happiness (Feb. 24) • Wetland Naturalist, Creston ~ Creston Valley Wildlife Management Area (March 1) • Vegetation Management Field Assistant; Historical Resources Program Leader; Natural Resources Program Leader; Public Program Assistant, Cochrane ~ Glenbow Ranch Park Foundation (March 4) • Conservation Technician, Winnipeg ~ Ducks Unlimited Canada (Feb. 15) • Building Services Assistant, Cgy ~ Calgary Airport Authority (Feb. 15) • Site Technicians, Cgy/Leth/Edm ~ DECO Windshield Repair (March 15) • Agronomy Trial Intern, AB ~ DuPont Pioneer (Feb. 20) • Sprayer &/or Mower Operator ~ Total Weed Control (Feb. 23) • Habitat Stewardship Summer Assistant, Regina ~ Nature Saskatchewan (Feb. 24) • Operations & Facilities Assistant, Cgy ~ The Calgary Airport Authority (Feb. 15) • Corporate Services, Cgy ~ Energy Resources Conservation Board (Feb. 15) • Heritage Interpreter/Tour Guide, East Coulee ~ Atlas Coal Mine National Historic Site (Feb. 22) • FSWEP Various Positions, Waterton Park ~ Parks Canada Agency (Feb. 15) • European Corn Bore Technician, Taber ~ Lucerne Foods (Feb. 27) • Parks Maintenance Operators, Didsbury ~ Town of Didsbury (March 25) • Travel Counsellor; Cashier;

• • • • • • • • • • • • • • •

• •

Interpretive Guide; Shuttle Bus Driver; Gift Shop Clerk ~ Head Smashed in Buffalo Jump (March 28) Ground Transportation Assistant, Cgy ~ Calgary Airport (Feb. 15) U.S. Commercial Service Intern, Cgy ~ U.S. Department of Commerce (March 1) Summer Term Agriculture Research Assistant, Taber ~ Ag-Quest (March 1) Production Intern ~ Cargill (March 15) NCC Summer Conservation Interns ~ Nature Conservancy of Canada (Feb. 15) Research Technicians, Fort Saskatchewan ~ ICMS (March 2) Terrestrial & Aquatic Biological Technical Assistants ~ Water Security Agency (Feb. 15) Market Analyst, Cgy ~ Alberta Utilities Commission (Feb. 15) Summer Student – Investment Management Department, Edm ~ WCB (Feb. 20) Weed Inspectors, Flatbrush ~ MD of Lesser Slave River (March 4) Travel Counsellor, West Glacier ~ Government of AB (Feb. 22) Summer Swim Coach, Fort MacLeod ~ Sharks Swim Club (April 30) Industrial Herbicide Applicator, Red Deer ~ Renu-L-Tech (March 9) Museum Assistant, Okotoks ~ Town of Okotoks (Feb. 19) Student Lab Technician; Student Maintenance Technician; Student Inventory Technician, Medicine Hat ~ Methanex (Feb. 21) Summer Ambassador, Cgy/Edm ~ Recycling Council of Alberta (March 9) Program Coordinator; Outdoor Educator; Summer Maintenance; Camp Counsellor; Lifeguard; Cook; Assistant Cook, Sylvan Lake ~ Camp Kannawin (March 12)

Part time • World Vision Charity Ambassadors, Edm ~ Donorworx (Feb. 18) • Lethbridge Herald Carrier, Leth ~ Lethbridge Herald (Feb. 24) • Disability Services Worker, Leth ~ Quest Support Services (Feb. 28) International • Teach English in South Korea ~ Eagle Consulting (Feb. 15) • English Teacher ~ Ameson Education & Cultural Exchange Foundation (Apr. 10) • Teach, Travel & Earn Money! ~ Aclipse (Feb. 20) • Primary & Secondary Teachers ~ Synarbor Education (Feb. 21) • Overseas Teaching, China ~ Make A Future (Feb. 28) • China Internship Program ~ CRCC Asia (March 15) • Travel. Teach. Save! Korea ~ Adventure Teaching (Feb. 18) For details of the postings and information on the application processes, go to www.uleth.ca/ross/ces/job-board.

Hard

Easy

Try to find this pronghorn in this week’s issue of the Meliorist. E-mail the page number and a brief description of where you found it to einc@themeliorist.ca. You will be entered to win our monthly pronghorn draw. You can enter as many times in the month as we publish.

Valentine’s Day One-liners Valentine’s Day is the day that the "V" and "D" come together.

I'm gonna spend Valentine’s Day with my ex... box 360.

Valentine’s Day... A day when taken people get laid and single people get drunk.

That

awkward

moment

when

Valentine’s Day is around the corner, and the only person that loves you is your mom.

To all my friends who are commited: Happy Valentine’s Day! And to all my friends who are single, happy Independence Day. Dear alcohol... Will you be my Valentine?