The Meliorist Volume 46, Issue 8

the

murderist

October 25, 2012 • 02

Procrastination News Campus Beat Features Entertainment Top Story Opinion Sports Lifestyle TLFs Students’ Union Classifieds The Meliorist: Mel-io-rism (meel’e riz’m) the doctrine that the world tends to become better or may be made better by human effort

3 4-5 6-7 8 - 11 12 - 15 16 - 18 19 20 - 21 22 - 23 24 - 25 26 - 27 30 An autonomous body, separate from the U of L Students’ Union SU-166, 4401 University Drive West, Lethbridge, AB, T1K 3M4 Phone: 4 0 3 - 3 2 9 - 2 3 3 4 www.themeliorist.ca

The Meliorist is the student newspaper of the University of Lethbridge, published most Thursdays throughout the academic year by The Meliorist Publishing Society, an autonomous incorporated body. Please address all correspondence to The Meliorist, 4401 University Drive, Lethbridge Alberta, T1K 3M4, or drop it off at room SU-166.

Deadline for submissions is Friday at 4 p.m. The Meliorist appreciates and encourages the writing of thoughtful, concise, timely letters. However, the Meliorist will only consider for publication those letters that are signed by the author. Special arrangements may be made for those wishing anonymity, but absolutely no pseudonyms. Letters should contain the author’s legible name, address, telephone number, and student identification number.

The address, ID and phone number will not be published.

The Meliorist reserves the right to edit submissions and will not print libelous material. Letters may be edited for brevity, clarity, and legality.

Business Manager

Kelti Boissonneault Editor-in-Chief Opinions Editor einc@themeliorist.ca

Nelson Chin

b.manager@themeliorist.ca Creative Director/ Ad Manager/ Production Manager

Brandon Wallis

ad.manager@themeliorist.ca

Photo Editor

Jon Martin

p.editor@themeliorist.ca

Billy Davey

Features Editor f.editor@themeliorist.ca

Art Department Assistant

Sam Loewen Copy Editor

James Forbes Staff Writer/ Distribution Manager

Matt Baird Design Assistants

Travis Robinson

Sports & Lifestyle Editor s.editor@themeliorist.ca

Myles Havinga Nico Koppe Design Intern

Kenzie Ferguson Account Representative

Kristy Jahn-Smith

account.rep@themeliorist.ca Webmaster

Chris Morris

Leyland Bradley

Campus Beat & News Editor n.editor@themeliorist.ca

Printing

Southern Alberta Newspaper Group Contributors

Andrew McCutcheon RJ Balog Makay Murray Cartoonist

Maggie Kogut

Entertainment Editor e.editor@themeliorist.ca

Ryan Kenworthy Podcast Producers

Jon Martin Andrew Martin Cover

Jon Martin

the

murderist

October 25, 2012 • 03

Crossword

ACROSS 1. VCR button 4. Sorority letter 9. Thicket of small trees 14. Common diatomic molecule 15. "Li'l" comic strip character 16. "The Rubber Capital of the World" 17. "I'm onto your scheme!"

18. "Dancer in the Dark" director Lars von ___ 19. "Uh, I guess that could happen" 20. Bob Marley song redone by the Fugees in 1996 23. Original "King Kong" character Carl, to be reprised by Jack Black in a 2005 remake 24. Reporter's "w" 25. Low reef 28. "Frankly, my dear, I don't give ___" 29. "Mack the Knife" singer Bobby 31. Exclamation close to 17-across 32. Aptly named 1986 BMX film 33. Element found much more in robots than humans

34. Really get 35. Idea that may summon up courage 38. Pouty face 39. Start of a saying about violent TV news 40. "Girl, I'll take ___ a movie show..." (Prince lyric) 41. Far right-wing commentator Coulter 42. Valerie Plame et al., supposedly 43. Way around Paris 46. A high school dropout might get it 47. Blanket stealer 48. Key of Beethoven's Symphony No. 7 49. Easy-to-use product tagline 52. Gretzky, at one point 55. "Frankie Says ___" ('80s T-shirt) 56. Number on the right side of a clock face 57. Celebrity clique 58. Do without a big wedding 59. Nancy Grace's employer 60. Clumsy type 61. Sees 62. That, in Spanish

DOWN 1. Helpful Beach Boys girl?

2. Bounced off the walls 3. Take things not-too-seriously 4. Cat Stevens song about a city in Asia 5. The A in James A. Garfield 6. Nabokov novel of 1957 7. Ball-___ hammer 8. Starchy plants 9. Actress Manheim who wrote the 1995 play "Wake Up, I'm Fat" 10.

Half-committed response, when said slowly 11. Jimmy (open) 12. Abbr. for a not-so-nice guy 13. Dir. opposite WSW 21. Amount of electrical resistance 22. I ___ (Chinese text) 25. V8 component 26. Greeting on the seas 27. Animal near the end of ABC books 29. In need of plastic surgery 30. He governs "Cahleefohnya" 34. Basic cheer 35. Less than a little 36. "That's just the ___ the iceberg"

37. Doofusy guys 38. GQ or YM, for short 42. NPR Puzzlemaster Will 44. Prepares a violin bow 45. Duke in Shakespeare's "Twelfth Night" 48. Phil Collins song "Moves Like ___, Looks Like a Man" 49. Egg holder 50. Ward of "Once and Again" 51. Vegas hole 52. "Charter" tree 53. Beastie Boys album "___ Communication" 54. Lucy of "Kill Bill: Vol. 1"

Sudoku

Hard

Medium

Easy

the

murderist

October 25, 2012 • 04

Leyland Bradley News Editor

Students from the University of Lethbridge participated last Friday in a Guinness World Record attempt to stuff 26 people into a Volkswagen Beetle.

The event was part of the first annual Oktoberfest, hosted by the Lethbridge Senior Citizens Organization.

The ULSU recruited student volunteers the week prior to the event. Students had to be at least five feet tall and 18 years of age.

After some recruited students failed to turn out, other students were pulled from the crowd to make up for the lost numbers. In total, 32 students were freed up to stuff the bug.

“I was impressed with the turn-out at the event and it was really exciting to be a part of a world record attempt,” said Shuna Talbot, ULSU VP Internal.

The student volunteers were lined up shortest to tallest before being directed by the ULSU VPs as to where they would best fit in the car. Some parts of the car were reserved for students of specific stature, such as the dashboard for one lucky student.

After two attempts, a total of 21 people were crammed into the vehicle but the world record was not broken.

The ULSU is hopeful in breaking the record next year if given the chance, citing Friday’s buzz as motivation for a second attempt. “A lot more students might be willing to participate next year too,” said Talbot. “We were only a few people away from the world record.”

The current world record for most people stuffed into an old model Volkswagen Beetle is 25. The record was set by the Asbury University Emancipation Project in 2010 as an attempt to draw awareness to human trafficking.

the

murderist

October 25, 2012 • 05

ro

f s e n i l ead

H

k

ee w s i h mt

Kelti Boissonneault Editor-in-Chief

Tory MP gives Diamond Jubilee medal to incarcerated activists Conservative MP Maurice Vellacott has awarded two of his 30 allotted Diamond Jubilee medals to two anti-abortion activists who are currently behind bars.

Vellacott awarded these medals to Mary Wagner and Linda Gibbons, who have been incarcerated on counts of mischief and forceful entry. In addition to awarding the women medals, Vellacott answered criticism and inquiry about this action by likening the women to American human-rights activist Martin Luther King Jr. and openly praising their actions on behalf of the unborn.

McGuinty doesn’t want national leadership Dalton McGuinty, outgoing premier of Ontario, has announced that he will not be seeking leadership of the national Liberal Party against Justin Trudeau. Instead, McGuinty has decided to leave the arena of politics altogether. He listed the conflicting timing of the federal and provincial leadership races, as well as the 10-year timeline to rebuild the shattered Liberal Party as his main reasons for refusing a national leadership bid, though he did state his optimism for the future of the party.

McGuinty received a lot of support from various factions during the period he was considering running for national leadership with many Liberal supporters stating that a public debate between strong candidates would be better for the party than an un-tested leader.

McGuinty responded by stating his belief that running for national leadership should be about much larger things than stopping other political candidates.

Besides Trudeau, a number of lesser known individuals have put forth bids for the national race.

XL plant workers met with new managers New managers of the XL plant in Brooks spoke with their workers regarding the future of the plant on Monday. The JBS USA representatives held many meetings regarding the future of the plant and welcomed discussion from groups of 100 employees at a time. The plant was closed Sept. 27 due to an E. coli outbreak suspected to have been caused by improper cleaning and maintenance of beef processing equipment. Over 1,000 Brooks residents are employed by the plant, and have been out of work for nearly a month. Since the closure, the plant has changed ownership, and union representatives are optimistic about the new management. Doug O’Halloran of the United Food and Commercial Workers has publically stated that there has been little or no communication from XL regarding the future of the plant.

Latest testing of the equipment has produced beef that is free of E. coli, and as such the plant has been allowed to resume processing under the careful watch of the Canadian Food Inspection Agency.

Wildrose leader takes heat for tweet Wildrose leader Danielle Smith is taking heat for last weekend’s tweet suggesting properly cooked tainted meat should be offered to the homeless and hungry instead of being tossed into the landfill. Since tweeting, Smith has recanted the statement and apologized for its insensitive nature. While properly cooking tainted meat will kill the E. coli bacteria and render the meat harmless, Smith’s comment came under fire for its apparent lack of sensitivity towards people struggling economically. In response to the criticism,

Smith pointed out that the angry reaction to her tweet demonstrates the lack of faith the public has in officials in response to the meat re-call and the belief that anything short of destroying the beef is unacceptable.

She has since agreed that disposal of all tainted meat in the landfill is appropriate.

Former TransCanada engineer blows whistle on pipeline Former TransCanada employee Evan Vokes says he reported substandard practices by TransCanada to the federal energy regulator because he believed that his concerns were being ignored by senior-level management within the company. Vokes has since raised concern over the competency of some pipeline inspectors and the company’s lack of compliance with welding standards as set forth by the National Energy Board. After receiving no satisfactory responses from within the company, Vokes took his complaint to the National Energy Board on May 1 of this year. Seven days later, Vokes was fired. The NEB has since released statements regarding its internal audit of TransCanada substantiating Vokes’ concerns. TransCanada has responded by announcing that none of the claims and complaints indicate an immediate threat to Canadians or the environment. An audit of TransCanada is ongoing, and the NEB has stated that it will not hesitate to fix any ongoing concerns.

the

murderist

October 25, 2012 • 06

as-bes-tos: a naturally occurring mineral used to insulate and protect structural Leyland Bradley

Campus Beat Editor The health and safety of the U of L campus community is a major priority for a number of groups on campus. Efforts are made every day to ensure students, faculty, and staff are safe, secure, and knowledgeable about safety issues. While some issues are dealt with accordingly (flu vaccinations in the atrium) there are others that require more attention.

The University of Lethbridge is home to asbestos.

The issue of asbestos on campus has been dealt with in the past between Risk & Safety and the Joint Worksite Health & Safety Committee (JWSHSC). Past attempts at removing the asbestos have been successful, but there is still asbestos residing within many buildings on campus. For example, the reconstruction of the pool area in the spring and summer of 2011 involved removal of asbestos.

An up-to-date inventory on the Risk & Safety section of the U of L webpage lists information pertaining to asbestos management on campus. According to the links provided under the official Asbestos Abatement Plan, asbestos can be found in the PE building, University Hall, and the walkway tunnel, among other places. The percentage amounts of asbestos range from as low as 1.4 per cent to 85 per cent.

Some buildings are listed without any specific mention of how much asbestos is in the location; it may be the case that the information will be made available online soon.

The last time asbestos was mentioned explicitly during a JWSHSC meeting was May 2011. According to the minutes from last year, knowledge of asbestos within the pool area became known after initial construction began. The project then became known as pool construction/asbestos removal.

Slowly but surely, the issue of asbestos is being taken care of. The best measure for university action and awareness of asbestos on campus can be found on the Risk & Safety webpage. The JWSHSC has minutes posted as far back as 2002, but the issue of asbestos has been known for many years.

You can check the Risk & Safety webpage to check future JWSHSC meeting minutes for updated information about asbestos.

material from fire. Safe in its original state, asbestos is dangerous after it is processed. If inhaled, asbestos fibers can be harmful to one’s health; it has been linked to diseases such as lung cancer, asbestosis, and mesothelioma.

The largest open-pit asbestos mine in the world was the Jeffrey Mine in Asbestos, Quebec (hence the name). Production of asbestos in Quebec has slowed down considerably in the past few years although the industry has been promised a $50 million loan from Ottawa to help revive the asbestos industry.

As of September of this year, the Canadian government stated its intentions to comply with global rules for restrictions on asbestos use and shipment. The use of asbestos is banned in a number of countries including Japan, Australia, New Zealand, and those in the EU.

the

murderist

October 25, 2012 • 07

Possible change to campus smoking policy Leyland Bradley

Campus Beat Editor

The details:

For those who don’t know, the current restrictions for smoking on campus only limit individuals from smoking in certain areas. Anyone can basically smoke where they please unless noted (there are restrictions for smoking 10 metres from any door). A new policy may change this, allowing individuals to smoke only in certain areas rather than anywhere but certain areas. Authorities are also considering a move to make the U of L a completely smoke-free campus.

When will it start?

There is no formal date as of yet. The Joint Worksite Health and Safety Committee (JWSHC) responsible for handling the policy signed off on a motion awaiting approval from university administration. The motion is merely a recommendation to review the current smoking policy, as well as consider the discussions and reasoning behind the potential new policy.

Why?

The justifications are various. The concern for the campus community’s health and safety is the largest reason for the promotion of the policy. There has been debate about confusion as to where individuals can/cannot smoke, and the lack of respect for the current smoking signage. People still smoke within 10 metres of doors, especially in colder months.

The Employee Wellness Survey asked university employees about their thoughts on a new policy. Of the 715 respondents, 69 per cent opted for a completely smoke-free campus versus 29.8 per cent who preferred designated smoking areas. 1.3 per cent of respondents opted for no change, with preference for non-smoking areas.

How do these changes affect students?

Students are the largest body on campus. That being said, a survey requesting information from the undergraduate body about their thoughts on a no-smoking policy will be sent out before the end of the year. Vice-President Operations & Finance for the ULSU, Brady Schnell, has commented that special consideration for residence students has been made, enabling those living on campus to smoke within range of their living quarters.

However if the university were to move to become a smokefree campus, the special consideration for residence students would likely stand.

Schnell invites students who feel strongly about the potential new policy to send their thoughts and ideas to him at su.finance@uleth.ca or drop by SU180 during office hours.

the

murderist

October 25, 2012 • 08

Billy Davey

Features Editor The University of Lethbridge jumped from ninth to first in Research Infosource’s annual Research University of the Year award, in the undergraduate category. The announcement, made on Oct. 17, showed that the U of L increased its research income by 38.7 per cent, the highest increase in the province. The three ranking Alberta universities (Universities of Alberta, Calgary, and Lethbridge) together had an increase of 4.1 per cent, while the national average was at 2.2 per cent.

“In some ways, the university hasn’t done anything because universities don’t get funding; researchers get funding,” said Dr. Dan Weeks, the Vice President (Research) at the U of L. “I guess on the one hand, we hire great researchers, and we have great student researchers as well. But, it’s really their success and their hard work that has led the University of Lethbridge to receive this recognition.”

Universities were awarded points in five different categories that looked at financial input, research output, and research impact. While the U of L didn’t rank first in any specific category, it proved well rounded enough to be the overall winner. “One of the reasons I really like this particular ranking — it’s one of the most prestigious rankings in Canada — is its more balanced approach. It looks both at the income that the university receives, which has gone up considerably over the past few years, and also some of the output measures that go along.

“The exciting part was some of these output measures, like the quality of publications going up and the impact of those publications,” said Weeks. “We rank right up there with some of the medical doctoral universities in terms of the impact of our research. So the money is being well spent because the impact of our research is very high.” In the subcategories, the U of L was ranked fourth for publication impact and second for publication intensity.

With bragging rights earned for at least a year, the U of L should attract many new students with its awarded title.

“It’s nice to be recognized for your hard work, and [students] should be excited, [they’re] going to be graduating from one of the top universities in Canada,” said Weeks.

IMRE Daniel

the

murderist

October 25, 2012 • 09

Technology to the rescue Group projects Makay Murray Features Writer

Group projects, oh how I loathe thee. Not because the projects themselves are difficult, but because of the people you are forced to work with and how it always feels like you are the one stuck doing the work and they still get half the credit. This can be incredibly frustrating! However, the truth is that everyone wants to do well on a group project. Nobody wants to get a zero, and by the nature of us being at university we know that everyone in that class chose to be in that class. The frustrations of poor group dynamics are systemic more often than not and with a few simple tips, I’ll have you loving group projects in no-time flat.

The first tip I’ll offer is to have regular meetings planned and a clearly defined schedule before the end of the first day. This means that on the first time the group meets you must each have clearly defined goals, defined roles and tasks individually bonded to members, and that you meet in any manner you can to track your progress. The worst thing for your group would be coming up on the deadline and realize that Suzy forgot her part and then you are left to scramble to finish.

Now let’s get to the technology.

Cell phones It’s safe to assume that everyone in any class you are taking has a cell phone just like you. Now, cell phones are the tool to interconnect people for several reasons.

They are totally platform agnostic. In this way they are greatly superior to social media, Twitter, Facebook and Google Plus. Every cellphone in the history of ever can text and call any other cell phone regardless of whether it runs Ice Cream Sandwich, Jelly Bean, Symbian, IOS6 (yes these are real phone OS names) or whatever.

Many people I have seen only ever grab an e-mail address or Facebook “friend” request. The problem with these methods is you cannot guarantee that your intended recipient will check their e-mail or Facebook in a timely fashion. However, a text message will almost always be read within 20 minutes and a phone call gets picked up immediately. So when that group member is late again, you can call him/her and tell them to hurry up.

Dropbox Too many people don’t know about this fantastic free service. Put simply, Dropbox is a file synchronization service that gives you 2GB free storage space that can be synced between any computers and even tablets and phones. Dropbox lets us keep the files in a folder that is mirrored across all of the members’ machines within seconds. So this way you can work on the PowerPoint, and as soon as you hit save that exact copy is sent out to every other member! Even cooler is that Dropbox keeps versions of all your documents so if you accidentally delete (or a group member deletes), you can hit one button and get the file back. So, to set this up, all you need to do on the first day is get your group’s e-mails, set up a shared Dropbox folder entitled some-

thing like “our geology project” and invite everyone to the folder and you are set! No more e-mailing documents over and over, no more running thumb drives to people, and you can feel secure in the knowledge that everyone is on the same page.

Webcam Now, above I said webcam, but what I really meant is that video conferencing is awesome! It can also be the saving grace to people that have a hard time meeting due to scheduling conflicts. Conferencing software like Skype, Google Plus’s Hangout, or even the antiquated MSN messenger can simulate a group meeting even when none of the group members are in the same room. The reason this elevates the scheduling issues is that meeting in a single location not only means that one particular time is free but also that there is also a need to drive to and from the meeting place which will take considerably more time. This is usually a major

factor for why people cannot meet in person. But thanks to Skype, the time to set up a meeting is only as long as it takes to find a table and decent WiFi, and the whole group can get together.

In closing, gather phone numbers the first day!

Create a shared Dropbox folder. Use Skype to accommodate scheduling-constrained members, and set up a schedule to work off of.

If you liked this and would like to suggest other topics for me, drop me a line at the following address: Feeback@universitypowerusers.com. And check out the podcast over at universitypowerusers.com where I talk out loud for an hour about all the same kinds of stuff I write here.

the

murderist

October 25, 2012 • 10

the world of forensic entomology Kristen McEwen REGINA (CUP) — As it turns out, TV got it wrong — again.

Forensic entomologist Gail Anderson came to the University of Regina to give a lecture about how studying insects can get you a job like Gil Grissom, or whoever the new guy is on CSI. Forensic entomology is the study of insects to determine the amount of time that’s passed since a human being has died. Insects can also be used to discover if a body was disturbed at the site either by animals, or by the murderer returning to the scene of the crime.

Anderson is a professor and assistant director at the School of Criminology at Simon Fraser University in B.C. She is also a board-certified forensic entomologist with the American Board of Forensic Entomology.

She took her first case in 1998, and became board-certified in 1996. She is also a regular consultant for the RCMP and police services across Canada, and occasionally in the United States.

Anderson states that television shows like CSI, NCIS, Dexter or Bones can give people the wrong expectations as to how quickly a forensic scientist can work when they’re at a crime scene.

“I suspect my profession has been less affected than other forensic areas,” she said.

“Certainly, it’s a bit stupid when Grissom comes in and stares at the fly on the wall and says, ‘Ah yes, [time of death was] three days.’ It sort of belittles the whole thing.

"And [writers] are inclined to make them an expert in everything. Grissom himself — who is basically me — [would have to be] at least 150-years-old to be qualified in things he says he’s qualified in.”

It took Anderson 11 years of post-secondary education to get her PhD. In addition to

this, she completed five more years to be certified as an actual forensic entomologist.

“You can’t be an expert in everything and that’s fine because TV is TV. It’s all for the entertainment; it’s not there to teach us everything. But, unfortunately, the people that are watching are the future jury members or judges and they get very strange ideas of what the job actually is,” she said.

Anderson began teaching in 1992.

“As an educator, as a professor, I see [TV] influencing students,” she added. “So there’s so many ways you can get into a career in forensic science, and there’s so many different careers in forensic science so the students don’t really have a clear directive [on] how to go about becoming a forensic scientist.

"I frequently find students in my third-year class, which is a class aimed at non-scientists to explain what forensic science actually is and they think, ‘Hey, this is it. This is what I want. I want to be a forensic scientist,’ and I say, ‘Well, sorry but you’ve wasted the last three years. You need to get a science degree; you can’t do this with an arts degree.’ It’s very disillusioning for the students, I think, and very unfair.”

When asked, Anderson said the decomposing remains at homicide crime scenes don’t affect a person as much as one might think it would.

“It’s obviously not really for the very squeamish, because you’re dealing with highly decomposed remains,” she said. “But the bodies that I deal with, they’re highly decomposed. So it’s not like I would recognize them if I knew them in life or anything like that. And you know you’re there for a very important purpose and that’s to try and identify this person and catch the bad guy … make sure the police catch the right person, not the wrong person. My work can exonerate as much as it can convict somebody.”

the

murderist

October 25, 2012 • 11

Alberta sees growing interest in French immersion Eric Silver EDMONTON (CUP) — Albertans are making a noticeable shift towards a bilingual culture, according to research done by Canadian Parents for French, Alberta Branch (CPF Alberta).

Around 37,000 students in kindergarten to grade 12 were enrolled in French immersion in the 2011/12 school year, an increase of almost four per cent over the previous year. French immersion is offered in 47 communities throughout the province.

CPF Alberta’s executive director, Michael Tryon, explains that Alberta’s French immersion program is integrated into school districts and schools in gradual steps.

The first year will introduce kindergarten and grade one classes, the next year will add grade two, and so on, all the way to grade 12.

After high school, options for further French education are somewhat limited in Alberta, but a new institution opened in Edmonton this September: the Centre Collégial de l’Alberta [the Collegial Centre of Alberta], a community college that’s associated with the University of Alberta's francophone campus at Campus SaintJean.

“At the post-secondary level we’re seeing more French learning opportunities arise,” said Tryon.

Suzanne Hayman, assistant professor and French coordinator in the humanities department at Grant MacEwan University, agreed.

“We’re optimistic; our numbers have been strong and steady,” she said, while also voicing concerns about the number of students interested in French.

“As more students come in that will require advanced placement, either at the intermediate or advanced level, does that mean more students will move into the beginner? Are the beginner classes filling up and there are still more students who want to take French and can’t get in? Or is there a finite number of students who will take French anyway?

“Because we don’t have a minor yet, we only have a certain number of timeslots,” said Hayman.

So if the university wants to offer another section at the advanced level, one of the

introductory courses would have to be dropped. MacEwan will offer a minor in French starting either the fall of 2013 or 2014, she noted.

“The attitude in general, here in Alberta, seems to be evolving in regard to French,” Hayman said. “Certainly young people are a lot more open to it, and more parents are encouraging their children to do immersion. It can only mean good things for everyone involved.”

John Soroski, assistant professor of political science at MacEwan is skeptical about the statistics.

“Is [the four per cent] increase a gross number? Does it take into account population change?”

An increasingly bilingual community should theoretically benefit Canadian culture, especially the unshrinking disparity between Quebec and the rest of the country. But from a political science point of view, Soroski doesn’t believe any change in Alberta will make a difference.

“There’s a very strong notion by many Quebec nationalists that the only place that you can viably create and protect a French language community is Quebec itself, so these external approaches and efforts are, you know, nice but not relevant to the question of the French language’s viability in Canada.”

Soroski went on to say the conceptual arrows presented are absolutely correct, but at this level, the importance of the increase in bilingual rate is almost negligible.

“It’s significant conceptually, but the numbers are so small it’s largely irrelevant,” he explained.

Even a small increase is a step in the right direction for Albertans, according to Tyron.

“What we’re seeing is parents are wanting their kids to be better prepared for the future. We’re in a global economy,” he explained.

“We’re seeing more and more people coming to our country who speak multiple languages, and Canadian citizens are starting to look outward, and go ‘Oh my gosh.

These guys are arriving and they speak three languages, and this guy speaks five, and I [only] speak English.’ They want to be globally competitive.”

the

murderist

October 25, 2012 • 12

Maggie Kogut

Entertainment Editor So outrageous, so fun, so uh-uh-uhmaaazing!

Richard O’Brien’s The Rocky Horror Show did not fail to bring five wild nights to the U of L stage last week. Running from Oct. 16 until Oct. 20, the show was fraught with a kaleidoscope of visual, auditory, and participatory elements that all combined to create a dynamic and energetic experience.

U of L’s take on The Rocky Horror Show began even before the curtain on the stage officially rose.

Members of the cast, the Phantoms, along with the two Usherettes sashayed among the growing crowd of audience members who were either finding their seats or already sitting in antici… …pation for the show to begin. Clad in impeccably outrageous costumes that were not lacking in colour, exuberance, and a grunge style sensuality, the Phantoms and the Usherettes welcomed the audience by scattering popcorn in its midst, singling out “virgins” of the show, and encouraging an audience environment of letting loose and having fun, which definitely happened during the “Time Warp” number as well as at the end of the show.

The show itself featured a remarkably talented main and supporting cast working with an incredible band. The music was brilliantly performed and encompassed a really lively classic rock and roll

style that captured the excitement of the show. As for the singing, the actors and actresses belted their hearts out while maintaining great articulation and pitch – especially during songs where most of the cast sang at the same time. The energy on stage was probably high enough to power Riff Raff’s ray gun and then some. The deliverance of seemingly infinite vocal ranges and accents in the musical numbers of the show is proof enough in itself of the talent that made up The Rocky Horror Show.

The acting in the show equaled the musical performances. Brett Gartley gave an out-of-thisworld performance as Frank-N-Furter. I think it would take enormous amounts of talent to simply walk up and down the stairs on set in those crazy high heels that Frank-N-Furter wore, let alone portray the particular eccentricities of the transvestite alien. Brad Majors (played by Devon Brayne) was perfectly awkward while Rocky (played by Jonathan Reiswig) gave a great performance of the relative innocence and confusion of someone who is just “seven hours old.”

I wish I had limitless words to go into details as to why every actor and actress in this show gave a great performance. I will, however, mention The Phantoms again. This might be theatrical heresy, but I usually dislike the chorus groups in theatre

performances. In most productions (taking note that I’ve only seen about five or six), I find the chorus groups to be rather awkward and painfully distinctive as a “group” that sometimes overpowers other elements of the show. However, in The Rocky Horror Show, The Phantoms were amazing. Although grouped into pairs, I found that each phantom had a distinctive character that was detailed enough to be noticeable and add to the show without overwhelming it. As well, The Phantoms suited each other really well as a collective group. They created a great atmosphere on stage, and the human car that they formed themselves into was just plain fantastic.

As a final note, given the particularities of The Rocky Horror Show audience participation traditions, props to the cast and to the narrators for responding so well to shout outs from the audience. Although another challenge for the cast to incorporate into their performance, it added an interesting and unique dynamic.

Congratulations to everyone who contributed to the creation of a fantastically outrageous show, from the director Jay Whitehead, to those working on lighting and sound, to costumes, to set design, to the cast and band… you name it. The combined efforts of dozens of hardworking people truly paid off.

the

murderist

October 25, 2012 • 13

Maggie Kogut

Entertainment Editor

More than just a university course, U of L’s opera workshops create great opportunities for students to get a taste for opera and take in amazing shows.

Students involved in the workshops also get opportunities for growth, a venue for performance, and well… course credits. The course is primarily directed at singers, but a team of people including the course instructor (Blaine Hendsbee), three pianists, voice language coaches, scene directors, voice professors – the list goes on for a while – are needed to create a complete production. As well, the workshop includes students of all different levels of experience. Some students in this season’s opera workshop are in the course for the first time, while others have been at it for three or four years.

This season’s workshop, Bad Boys of Opera, features scenes from 10 different operas that are tailor-picked by Blaine to display the singers’ present greatest abilities as well as stretch them further in their abilities.

Although Blaine chose the scenes to cater to each student and focus on what works for them, he also chose the scenes with the purpose of entertaining the audience. Although a kaleidoscope of various scenes, the show is structured to provide ups and downs, a climax before the intermission as seen in the structure of full operas, and at the end of the second act the show will “end with a big bang.” The goal of the workshop is to engage the audience in a great show while educating and helping the students in the show grow and stretch their talents.

The particular theme for this workshop, bad boys, came about because in each scene of the workshop there is a bad boy character that, according to Blaine, “ranges from just a bit naughty, maybe saucy, just a little bit shady, to really bad, to killing people and spousal abuse; really horrible, horrible

men.” The workshop will feature a variety of different “bad boy” characters.

The show is grouped by language, starting with French operas. Then the show will move into the early baroque Italian operas, explore some Mozart opera, and finally end with contemporary opera. To tie the show together, Blaine will be running a commentary in between scenes in order to set up the scenes in a fun way and provide the broad strokes of the various operas so that the audience members know what will be going on in the scene they are about to enjoy.

Opera has been called “the most complex art form,” and Blaine describes opera as requiring singing of an Olympic nature. The singers in the opera need “incredible physical stamina.” A lot of people are able to run, but not many people can run a marathon, and that’s what opera is. It’s bigger than life. But despite the Olympian strength required in singing opera, the singers still have to portray real emotions and be “naturalists.” To take in some of this incredible opera talent that fellow students have to offer, check out Bad Boys of Opera running at 8 p.m. on Nov. 2 and Nov. 3. Tickets are available at the box office.

If you miss Bad Boys of Opera, there’s no need to fear. The department has a lot to offer in opera this year including a Christmas production of Menotti’s Amahl and the Night Visitors, a beautiful story about miracles, and in the first weekend of February, U of L students will participate for the third time in a full co-production with the Lethbridge Symphony Orchestra in Fledermaus.

As well, keep on the lookout in next week’s issue for an interview with two student singers who will be performing in Bad Boys of Opera.

Madame Butterfly: An interesting scene that pairs the talents of Jana Holesworth and Megan Roberston, this scene does not actually have the bad boy in it but reveals the intense and conflicting emotions of a shunned woman as she spots her husband’s ship on the horizon after his three year absence.

Susannah: A disturbing and frightening scene brimming with intense emotional connection between the singers, this excerpt from Susannah shows the traumatic rape of a village girl by a preacher just returned to town after months of journeying. Blaine Hensdbee stresses that the singer who plays the preacher, Ian Fundytus, is a really sweet guy and not like the preacher at all.

The Rake’s Progress: This opera traces the journey of a country bumpkin who wishes for riches and, with the devil’s influence, goes astray and becomes a “bad boy” who eventually ends up in an insane asylum; a very powerful scene from this opera will be in the show.

Carmen: The “bad boy” from this opera is the “bad ass” type who hangs out at the bar, can be described as macho, and is wanted by all the women.

the

murderist

October 25, 2012 • 14

RJ Balog

Entertainment Writer Boo! Yeah, that’s right. It’s Halloween time folks and there’s no better way to commemorate these festive times than some good old fashioned spook films. So this time around I thought I’d span the spectrum of horror a little and take a look at some classic films throughout the ages.

And what better way to start things off than with what’s considered one of the first horror films ever made: The Cabinet of Dr. Caligari (1920): Here’s one for real film buffs, a classic film as old as cinema itself. A black and white film from the silent era, Dr. Caligari takes you back in time to a place where creativity and imagination were necessarily utilized for storytelling. Dr. Caligari is often cited as a piece of German expressionist art and watching it shows why.

Distorted dimensions, shadows painted onto sets (made with paper by the way), tunneling shifts in camera perspectives; it’s remarkable just how influential this film is to current-day cinema (reference any Tim Burton film). Dr. Caligari is a travelling man who shows up to a town’s annual fair with his cabinet which contains a mysterious somnambulist (essentially a perpetual sleepwalker). The town becomes anxious when the somnambulist starts making predictions of people’s deaths, which come true! This is a great piece of cinematic history and actually has a fun surprise ending.

Creature from the Black Lagoon (1954): This may seem like a strange pick, but the Creature is often considered the last of the classic Universal movie monsters. Also, the film itself is considered a great bridge between classic horror and retro science fiction (well, retro today). The film follows a group of scientists that travel to the depths of the amazon to unravel the great

secrets of life. The problem is, sometimes you get exactly what you wish for. Some places are untouched by time – places like the Black Lagoon, where the mysterious gilled-man lurks in the deep. The Creature leaves the scientists to do their research until he sees the beautiful damsel swimming in the lagoon. That’s why this film is great. It’s a tragic love story of action, suspense, lust, and unbridled enthusiasm.

There are some terrific underwater shots that are truly unique for the time. Real suspense and action are supported with great classic acting and some clever science facts thrown in for flavour. A good film that’s sure to get some people out of the water… or lagoons, I guess.

Monster Squad (1987): Ah yeah, this is the one you’ve been waiting for. It’s the ‘80s, Dracula’s back, and he’s planning on taking over the world. But he can’t do it alone; no… Dracula’s got friends. His master plan has him rounding up all the classic Universal monsters for an all-out assault. Drac’s roster includes the Mummy, the Wolfman, the Creature from the Black Lagoon, and even Frankenstein’s monster. Now the actual Monster Squad is your rag tag kids club that loves all things to do with monsters.

Things really get cooking when the Monster Squad stumbles across an ancient spell book which is exactly what Dracula needs for total destruction. The Monster Squad faces off against the world’s most infamous monsters, the only way they know how: ‘80s style. All in all, Monster Squad is a fun film that exudes the qualities of its time and is filled with everything you’d want in a monster flick.

Plus it has one of the best lines in any movie: “Wolfman’s got nards.” ‘Nuff said.

the

murderist

October 25, 2012 • 15

Andrew McCutcheon

Entertainment Writer

Andrew Martin

Welcome back beloved fans (who am I kidding) and, most likely, begrudged naysayers. I’ve taken the past couple issues off to recover from the terrible backlash of my previous two articles. But now I am back and ready to rip into your favourite things.

This week’s target of my highly focused and overwrought vitriol? The Rocky Horror Picture Show! No, not the stage version put on

by University of Lethbridge. I have not seen it in its entirety, but I have no doubt that the people involved in its performance and creation are more talented in their respective fields than I could hope to be in a lifetime. My target is the original film version and the frightening cult-like following that surrounds it. I first saw The Rocky Horror Picture Show with several friends, all fans of the film, and by the end of it I was baffled. RHPS, as a film, is not necessarily awful. It’s just terribly mediocre. I couldn’t understand why such a middling show could move so many towards manic movie magnetism.

I questioned several of my fan friends about the movie’s obvious shortcomings. First, there is the matter of the plot itself which (after seeing it several times) I’ve been unable to figure heads or tails about. Their response is usually along the lines of “Well, it’s supposed to be bad! That’s what makes it so good!” Now, I’m no stranger to watching bad movies for the camp factor. Army of Darkness and Evil Dead 2 are both part of my DVD collection. But the fact of the matter is that sometimes bad jokes are just bad. Watching movies for the camp factor seems to be a cop-out on the part of people who refuse to examine why they actually like something. Enjoying something ironically has to be one of the most widespread idiocies of our demographic.

Then I asked the question regarding the movie’s third act. It is no surprise to those who

know me well that I adore well-paced films.

Good pacing can make a movie and terrible pacing can break it. Christopher Nolan has this down pat and I will argue to the death that the true reason that The Dark Knight is so audience-acclaimed is due to its near perfect pacing. That being said, the third act of RHPS is one of the most horribly paced things that I have ever seen. It drags on worse than an episode of The Big Bang Theory and is almost twice as awkward. A close friend and fan of the film responded to RHPS’s awful pacing with the idea that it needs to be tailored a bit and that viewers should feel free to skip and skim certain parts. Right, because the most delicious meals I’ve ever had are the ones where I had to cut around the raw bits.

Finally, the last argument for the film that my friends make is that the participation and cult surrounding the film is half the fun. Shouting out one-liners, throwing toast, and dressing up are all part of the fun. I cannot disagree with that. But I disagree about how this makes the movie “good.” Imagine if I got an ethereal blowjob every time I saw the recent summer blockbuster Battleship. In this hypothetical scenario, I would comment on two things.

First, I’d be one lucky guy and I’d need to get my hands on a DVD of that movie ASAP. Second, just because something is happening outside of the movie does not make the movie itself any better! It may make the experience more enjoyable, but the film still has all the faults that it had beforehand. The same premise applies to RHPS. If the entire premise of your piece relies on the constant participation of the audience to make up for the movie’s shortcomings, there is an obvious and glaring issue. It’s because your shit sucks.

Knowing that, let’s not do the time warp again.

Vampire

Twilight joke, yada yada. Look, we’ve been down this road before. From Bela Lugosi to Bram Stoker to The Last Masquerade, there’s many a way to look like a bloodsucker.

Ideally, make yourself pale, get some fake teeth, and drink Caesars all night. Or just grab your stash of craft herpes and make yourself super sparkly.

Toilet paper mummy

See, the problem with this lies in the toilet paper itself. For something you literally wipe your ass with, two-ply is fucking expensive, pound for pound. I’m not saying that you should go into one of the many, many university bathrooms and liberate one of those industrial-sized rolls of toilet tickets, but your student services fees are going up. Consider one of those rolls a service this year. Application is brain-dead simple: grab a friend, and starting at one of your legs, roll around and around until you’ve reached a consistency that is both stable and looks mummy-ish. Add fake spider webs (or real ones, whatever) for that aged look. Don’t get wet.

Mad scientist

Grad students, eat your heart out. Just wear your lab coat out of the university, grab some test tubes and drink out of them all night! Goggles, wigs, and implements of mass destruction are all encouraged. Remember, any branch of science can be mad, so try not to limit yourself.

the

murderist

October 25, 2012 • 19

Our truth and effort: Patience Zero Humans versus Zombies and student community Leyland Bradley News Editor

I can’t stand the game Humans versus Zombies. The frustrating walks from class to class, building to building, trying to avoid wayward stressballs for one week in October is enough to make me question why some young adults emerging into the job world are throwing balls at each other within the halls of academia.

I get the fact that the game is about having fun in the unique live-action setting – it’s part survival and part adventure. I’ve heard grand stories of camaraderie in which people have to work in groups to help each other get from one place to another. I’ll admit that I find it intriguing when a human is alone and outnumbered, running through the coulees to their next class in U Hall.

The game itself kind of sounds fun in theory – it’s the players I have a problem with. And I know I’m not alone. I’ve searched the faces of my professors for the look of annoyance when students come into class late, out of breath, dressed up like they’re about to go to war.

I’ve noticed the rolling of eyes from my

peers when walking around a corner and the surprise that comes with seeing another student standing with a stressball in hand, about to wind up and clock one of us in the fucking face. I’ve listened to the shouts of excitement and “Bro! Zombie! I got another one!” outside the classroom doors that get everyone in the room to look around and lock eyes with each other, as if to say, “If you don’t shut the door, I will.”

For the past two years that the game has been played at the U of L, I’ve heard all about the thrill of the chase, and why HvZ is the only reason for stepping foot on campus during the last week of October. It never ceases to amaze me when I scan the room during speaker lectures and notice the large number of empty seats.

Why can’t the kind of participation exhibited in HvZ be seen elsewhere? Why must we throw balls at one another to come together as a campus community?

What makes me sad about the whole thing is knowing that this game is a great example of student engagement. On this

campus it is especially difficult to encourage students to participate in any event.

It’s just too bad that I can’t think of anything more annoying than HvZ. It truly exemplifies student engagement.

At least other student events are secluded in areas that don’t impede anyone’s ability to commute. Unless someone is attending the event, it’s not likely that anyone will stumble upon Last Class Bash. Never will the phrase be uttered, “Hey! I was walking here before this mass of students arrived to engage in a campus community event.” At least other events make it possible for students to leave the premises of the annoyance. This does not work for HvZ. Where the fascination with zombies came from is a mystery to me. Suddenly there’s zombie walks and zombie this and that. Anyone remember pirates and ninjas? Is that still a thing? Haha.

Anyhoodle.

Do me a favour; hand me the stressball so I can put it to good use.

n’t o d s e i b om l!

Z e il h w t I If ou y get

the

murderist

October 25, 2012 • 20

Travis Robinson

Sadie Lenstra

Jenna-Marie Durnin

Ashley Beattie

Sports Editor

Travis Robinson: What are your personal expectations for this season?

Ashley Beattie (Captain, 5th year): My personal expectations for our season is to make playoffs, first and foremost, and then to be host for playoffs, so be in the top four coming out of Canada West in regular season.

JMD: I just found by age 14 all the boys hit puberty, and I was still four feet tall, so that’s dangerous.

AB: As long as you’re at the same ability, or if you’re better than someone, and you can make that team, then you make that team.

Jenna-Marie Durnin (Assistant Captain, 4th year): I would like to make it past the first round of playoffs, and be better than last year.

TR: Where are you from?

Sadie Lenstra (Assistant Captain, 2nd year): I would like to put up a challenge to the team that we’re playing in the first round, to show that we actually deserve to be there this year.

JMD: Wawanesa, Manitoba.

Glenda Edie (Assistant Captain, 4th year): I think probably be above .500, and make the playoffs.

TR: Why do you think when hockey is discussed, there is “hockey” and then there is “women’s hockey?” How do you feel about that?

AB: I don’t see it that way. When I talk about our hockey team, I don’t think of it as women’s hockey.

I don’t think there is that stigma. Other people might see it, but I don’t. It’s hockey, not women’s hockey.

JMD: I think because the NHL is so popular, people just think of men’s hockey and women’s hockey.

SL: I guess people think that women aren’t as skilled as men, but they just haven’t really given us a chance to show what we can do.

GE: I’m like Ashley. I grew up playing boys’ hockey, so I don’t see the difference of it. If other people want to genderize it, they can, but I see it as hockey.

Glenda Edie

you compete with them, then why not?

TR: Should girls start their hockey careers playing with other girls?

AB, SL, GE (in unison): No! AB: They should play with boys.

GE: Oh yeah.

SL: I think as long as you’re competing with boys, and as long as you’re at the same level as boys, why not play with them? If you’re at the same level and

AB: I’m from Tofield, Alberta.

SL: Calgary, Alberta GE: Dugald, Manitoba.

TR: What are your plans after university?

AB: I want to get my education degree.

JMD: I’m hoping to get my nursing degree, and then go travel. Go to Hawaii or something like that.

SL: I’m getting my nursing degree, and then I hope to travel. Do the Doctors without Borders thing, but not the doctor’s part.

GE: Does mine have to be non-hockey related (laughs)? Probably find a job somewhere, start a career.

TR: Are there any future hockey plans?

AB: I don’t think so. I think I’m done after this. I could see myself going into a coaching role, but never a competitive level like this.

JMD: If I have kids, I might coach.

SL: Maybe coaching my children, or pick-up, beer league. Nothing that is super competitive. Not being on Team Canada or anything.

GE: I want to go play in Europe for at least a year.

Do something different, see the world. Play hockey still for another year. I don’t think I’m going to be ready to hang up the skates yet. (Jokingly) I’m going to marry Jonathan Toews someday.

SL: That’ll be the headline: “Pronghorn Plans to Marry Toews.”

the

murderist

October 25, 2012 • 21

Travis Robinson Sports Editorial

Lance Armstrong was never the biggest cyclist, but among teammates and associates, the Austin native was aptly nicknamed “Big Tex.” Armstrong was notorious for riding his teammates harder than he rode his own bicycle. Training sessions among the elites of cycling are arduous, but in Armstrong’s camp, the workouts took on a whole new form of masochism. Armstrong demanded that his teammates rise to the level he so stridently worked at. Those that were deemed too weak to match Armstrong’s fitness were dismissed from the inner circle of his own private peloton.

This inner circle consisted of some of the finest American athletes ever to don a cycling jersey. Luminaries such as Tyler Hamilton and George Hincapie rode as domestiques for Armstrong, meaning their sole purpose was to protect Armstrong from other cyclists in the pro peloton and ensure he was comfortable enough to rattle off an astounding seven Tour de France titles. These riders were given the privilege of having access to cycling’s golden boy, and as such, made a concerted effort to ride with him. Armstrong was a notorious attacker during his heyday, meaning he would save his bursts of speed to the later stages of a leg when all his competitors were simply burned out, and then overwhelm these opponents with a last minute surge ahead. He adopted the charming aphorism of “attack ‘til I crack” to label his aggressive style, and did just that in the biggest race in the sport. Armstrong’s teammates had no choice but to follow his tenacity, and hold on as their leader drove them to new heights in the cycling world.

I can remember one particular team time trial in the 2001 Tour where the commentators were dumbfounded by Armstrong’s heroics, calling his actions the “pulling of his teammates up the mountain to victory.” Big Tex may have been diminutive in stature, but his monolithic work ethic, combined with his no-nonsense approach to team training (essentially get on the ride or stay off) made Armstrong the biggest motivator of his generation. He led by example, and expected his teammates to match, no matter what the cost.

With both Livestrong and Nike dropping Armstrong from their respective PR

divisions, the already tenuous star of Lance Armstrong has taken its fatal blow.

The once American Zeus of the world’s toughest sport has bottomed out to Pete Rose levels of infamy and lying. Armstrong appears to be the only human left believing his claim that he was a clean athlete in a sport riddled by drug abuse.

The teammates that once rode proudly beside him have sold the star out, calling his claims pure fiction. Tyler Hamilton participated in a tell-all interview with 60 Minutes last year, claiming he had personally witnessed Armstrong injecting himself with performance-enhancing substances. The 1,000 page report released by the U.S. Anti-Doping Agency last week contained damning testimony from a litany of other teammates implying that Armstrong was indeed a doper. More than this, however, was the allegation these teammates brought forward that Lance Armstrong was the sport’s biggest bully, operating a tightlywoven drug circle in which he was abusive to his fellow cyclists. Armstrong allegedly bullied his teammates into adopting the sophisticated drug regimen that he had developed with his trainers. He allegedly gave his fellow riders an ultimatum: do the doping, or get off the team. Armstrong was riding at a superhuman level, and expected his teammates to do the same in order to ensure that he was in the yellow jersey.

The idea that he may have bullied his way to seven Tour de France victories is more sickening to me than his alleged doping. We could forgive and forget if Armstrong won those titles as an individual admitting freely to his doping. The fact of the matter remains that cycling is a team sport that requires a team effort to guide one individual through a three-week race to victory. One can take away his titles and his charities, but those riders who succumbed to the pressure of Armstrong’s private circle are the true victims in this saga. While Armstrong has done good things since his cycling career finished, if he acquired the clout to do these things against a backdrop of forceful aggression, that would be a most heinous crime.

the

murderist

October 25, 2012 • 22

Travis Robinson, with input from Jon Martin Lifestyle Editorial

No matter how prepubescent your facial hair is, trick-or-treating is an activity reserved for the youth of our nation. I remember as a kid the houseful of college lugheads who lived across the street from us attempting to scavenge the remnants of our Halloween candy as the night wound down. They would come, wrapped in a cum-stained bed sheet as a de facto costume, and beg for our last Tootsie Rolls. My mother was sympathetic enough to comply with their demands, and those lucky bastards always went home with a small offering. In this day and age, such compassion is absent.

Scoring candy legitimately as a 20-something student is about as likely as stumbling across the second coming of the Bakken shale of North Dakota.

Here are some not-so-legitimate tips on how to acquire delicious candy without being stared at by the agape elderly couple who regard you as an extraterrestrial when you come knocking at their door for sweets.

Find a suitable shrub or other concealed place where you can clandestinely observe the kiddies as they bounce from door to door. Try to target older children (i.e. tweens), as stealing candy from a baby is not only way too easy, it is also extremely brutish. If there are steroid-pumped fathers in the vicinity, it’s best to leave these families for the next idiot.

Explode from your set position, letting your legs uncoil from beneath you, arms pumping, head down. Maintain a forward lean as you go in for the kill.

Adapt a proper mark position. This means you go into a sprinters’ starting position, with hands shoulder-width apart, back straight, shoulders over your hands, and legs properly coiled.

Ensure the kids are in front of you. This way, you can breathe easy knowing it will be an ambush attack.

Maintain proper sprinting techniques as you make your get away. This means maintaining a more upright position, bringing your knees up high, using your arms to propel you forward. It is especially crucial you have your escape route pre-determined. Unless you are Donovan Bailey, you may not be able to outsprint the enraged parent following their kids as they trick-ortreat (or even worse, if this parent is in a car).

Get into a set position. This simply means raising your hips so they are slightly above your shoulders, 95 degrees to the ground. Breathe deeply, focusing on your task at hand.

Once you are clear of the commotion behind you, check the bag to see if there is any contraband in it. Throw out those nasty caramel apple suckers and savour your accomplishment.

Halloween is a time for fun. In between the drunken adult parties, use these above techniques to ensure that it is not only cranberry vodka that you are throwing up the morning after the festivities.

Go for the candy bag. Do not focus on knocking the poor kid over or anything. Going for the bag will ensure successful transfer of candy.

the

murderist

October 25, 2012 • 23

Travis Robinson Lifestyle Editor

Mixing stimulants and depressants is never a good idea. We all can remember the tragic 911 call that Joaquin Phoenix placed on Halloween ’93 when his brother River lay convulsing on the sidewalk after doing a speedball. While mixing alcohol and energy drinks is not paramount to cocaine and heroin, students are reminded that the combination of alcohol and energy drinks can be devastating.

An energy drink can mask the depressive effects of alcohol and give the drinker more energy to consume further alcoholic beverages. This in turn can lead to dehydration in the drinker or even alcohol poisoning, which in some circumstances can be fatal. The presumed energy felt by the consumer masks the drowsiness that alcohol causes, which means that alcohol-related injury is more likely, as the drinker’s proprioception does not match their perceived agility. Energy drinks contain stimulants like ginseng and taurine. These

stimulants, when mixed with the depressive attributes of alcohol, can send mixed messages to the nervous system, which in turn can lead to cardiac problems.

The hangover one experiences after a night of mixing Red Bulls and vodka can be even worse, as dehydration is maximized by the effect of alcohol leading to more drinking. Drinkers can even have pre-existing conditions that are brought to attention once they consume a mixed drink of alcohol and energy drink. One may not be aware of any underlying health problems until they are brought on by an acute reaction to the mixing of said cocktail. Most health experts agree that when drinking, one should alternate between alcoholic and non-alcoholic beverages to avoid dehydration.

Energy drinks negate the need to alternate, and the results are a very tumultuous mix of two entirely unrelated beverages.

Energy drinks are made to be consumed as a booster, not as a complement to the stiffness of hard liquor or as an elixir to the gateway of a whole new world of drunkenness. Caffeine boosts heart rate and blood pressure, while alcohol does the exact opposite. This clash within the body is never good, and while it may taste good and give the drinker a temporary asylum from the perils of overdrinking, its potentially devastating effects are simply not worth it. Some brands even package alcoholic beverages and the ingredients to an energy drink in one can. The infamous Four Loko brand of beer and four stimulants found in many energy drinks may be the tastiest way to get drunk, but is by no means any safer than an energy drink cocktail. When you find yourself at the pub this Halloween with a train of vodka Red Bulls lined up at the bar in front of you, it may be best to skip the temporary euphoria to avoid long term consequences.

the

murderist

October 25, 2012 • 24

** Submit your TLFs at www.themeliorist.ca. All TLFs must be submitted via a valid uleth e-mail account. Keep in mind that libelous or offensive TLFs may be edited or omitted.

The TLFs do not reflect the view or opinions of The Meliorist Publishing Society.

For those of you playing humans vs zombies, I’m not…but I will lay you out with my elbows or a clothesline if you run within arms length of me. You’ve been warned.

In response vampire hunter ad, I have had experience with all types of vampires. Sparkly, dramatic Transylvanian and the legit scary ones. I have seen every vampire movie forward and backwards. What are you having issues with?

To the guy who’s been to rise against twice…the guy who keeps posting the lyrics has been five times…you mad bro? also “Once upon a time I could take anything [anything]“ also while I am here…sorry for spoiling walking dead…next time just be all like “NO!!!!!!!!!!” and we’ll stop…episode 5 comes out late november early december area fyi Looking for people to jam with on a regular basis. I mainly play metal and blues guitar, but I’ll play with anyone. (I mean ABSOLUTELY ANYONE) Let me know if you’re interested.

I don’t understand why people keep sitting at quiet area in the library but keep talking so loud.

Way to disturb people who want to focus.

short club want another proud shorty? When I need something from a high shelf, no need for a tall person, I just high jump that counter and get it myself :P To the person asking if anyone would join the kpop club if there was one: YES YES YES!!! I’d love to meet fellow kpoppers ^^ Dear tall dark handsome man in psych 2030, you’re beautiful.

You’re friend’s not so bad either.

That is all Dear CJs: when I order a burger without onions, I really do mean WITHOUT onions. Honestly. This has happened twice now – third times the charm?

To the boy in Knes 1000 on the right side who wears the blue coloured pants you are a fine looking gentlemen. This girl would love to get to know you. Make my dream come true!

“Simply because you can breath, doesn’t mean you’re alive or that you really live” - Rise Against Dear Sarah. Will you Marry me?

Love, Your Boyfriend Dear blonde girl at the gym who was wearing a shirt that said A-Dizzle, you are insanely attractive… From pull-up guy beside you Here’s to the kids that live in the

friendzone. One day they are gonna realize we can be a great girlfriend at the same time as their bestfriend. It’s gonna happen Follow your passion. Stay true to yourself. Never follow someone else’s path unless you’re in the woods and you’re lost and you see a path. By all means, you should follow that.

Two sausages are lying in a frying pan. The one sausage turns to the other and says “Holy man it’s hot in here”. The other sausage turns back and goes “Ah! A talking Sausage!”.

ps, stop using our study room.

Conflict Theory: The bourgeoisie will fall to the proletariat…Kuchiki Byakuya has just become one of many examples…damn it, Kubo…

To the person on D/E 3 who does a jig or tap dances every friday night @ 2am, not everyone is as drunk as you ~ sleep deprived on D/E 2.

I wouldn’t hate my alarm clock so much if it woke me up with the smell of coffee and bacon.

BINDERS OF WOMEN!

A woman yells to a blonde walking along a river, “How do I get on the other side!?” The blonde says, “You are on the other side!”

In the beginning, God created the heaven and the earth… After that, everything else was Made in China.

Just once, I wish WebMD would tell me “relax…it’s only gas” K-pop club would be amazing.

I’d be in, but I only really know of Jang Geun Suk, Younha, and DBSK. Landry begged us to write a tlf about him because he got jealous about Anthony’s.

Love, D/E 4 girls

Admit it. You get a small rush of happiness when your crush likes your Facebook picture or status.

Most women desire someone who makes them laugh and also feel safe, so basically a clown ninja.

2 Mathew who ushered with me Thurs Oct 18, ur prob not interested in me but it’d be nice if we could become friends. After all, u gotta make me watch those movies u mentioned.

Found: OGA glasses by the bus loop. Email brandonwallis18@gmail.com Finally! More jokes, less bitching at each other!

the

murderist

October 25, 2012 • 25 Santa’s got Elves, America’s got China Dear LANDRY, D/E 3 RA Just so you know all the ladies love you and think you are the best male RA out there.

Love from all the ladies on D/E 3 K-pop club? I’d totally join!

Dear slacking student, We know you were sick on the day of the test, but it’s been 2 weeks. Please take the test so the rest of us can get it back.

Sincerely, Anxious student Dear Football team, Yes, yes I am blaring the Tangled soudtrack from my car right next to where your practice is taking place. No I will not stop.

Sincerely, if it’s so stupid, then why is numer 29 singing along?

Dear girl at the crosswalk shaking like a leaf, Leggings aren’t pants.

Sincerely, that’s why you’re so cold.

Dear Pirates of the Caribbean theme song,, Thank you for making my walk to the library much more epic.

Sincerely, A fan Dear band teachers, Please don’t look at us weird when we laugh after you say, “Use more tongue and blow harder”.

Sincerely, students cracking up

make it a terrible place to be! sincerely everyone in Galileo’s Yes I watch Adventure Time. Yes the latest episode with Marceline and Ice King made me cry. Yes I am still sobbing now.

Uhall is super creepy in the middle of the night. Thought I saw a ghost, do not study alone at the 24 hour study centre!

So this dyslexic man walks into a bra..

Has anyone actually listened to any of the Meliorist’s podcasts?

They are pretty f*cking hilarious.

To the host of The Kitchen Sink on CKXU: you should talk more. You have an incredibly sexy voice! ;)

Dear guy asking me if I’m listening to music, No, I’m rocking out to an audiobook on the mating habits of the Canadian goose.

Sincerely, what do you think?

To the VIP (big bang fan), I like Big Bang a lot!My most fav song is Haru Haru :) . But I do love Super Junior and 2pm the most :) .

(PS-are you a fangirl of fanboy?..just curious:D)

To the person bragging about seeing Rise Against last week, I saw them twice on Warped Tour alone. Get on my level. Also, RIP Warped Tour in Canada. Hipster, out.

you lie tim hortons. you SAID that you are gonna be 24hrs and I went there at FOUR in the bludclot morning and guess what?

CLOSED!!! YOU LIE!!

To the student who just gave me a parking permit for paid parking, you’re an inspiration and a true kindred spirit. I hope there are more people like you in the world.

I feel like the flu vaccination lineup may not have been the classiest place to “attempt” to talk to girls… ah well, it was good for a laugh – highly embarrassed

U of L, y u no have football team?!

A)If you’re going to insult a feminist, please lean how to spell the word properly, B)the fact you call yourself GuywithDick suggests you’re overcompensating for your lack of one.

Hey John!! Met you at Boss Hogs Sat the 20th. You liked my eyes, I liked your beard ;) pretty sure you don’t go here but if there’s a friend let him know! Love to see him again

The group of very loud people in Galileo’s lounge need to shut up! they annoy everyone and they

Year in Review, and Thanks to All of You!

A day in the life of...

Armin Escher ULSU President

tions to the rest of the executive to

Monday, Oct. 22 9:03 a.m.

I got to work today and opened my inbox, seven unread messages!

One of my meetings today, the Energy Management Sustainability Team, will now meet in December instead of today. That’s good; I was double booked for meetings anyway. Other than that, there are a few general inquiries that need to be answered. I also sent an email to our new Edmonton Campus Rep., Shashikant Ghai about our General Assembly meetings for the remainder of the semester.

9:49 a.m.

I received another registration form for the Volunteer Fair which is to be held on Nov. 7 in the University Hall Atrium. This event will feature various organizations from the Lethbridge area.

10:32 a.m.

I met with Cheri Pokarney, General Manager of the Students’ Union. She runs the place; I just pretend I do. It’s good that we talk often, mostly about things with regards to the day-to-day operations of the Students’ Union and the building. Good news though! The Zoo made over double this year in September as it did in September 2011!

11:00 a.m.

Oops! I better send my agenda items to Susan Curtis, Executive Assistant, so she can put them on the agenda for our executive Council meeting later this afternoon. I will be bringing forward two mo-

library fund a Stress-Free Zone for prove money to buy water bottles and condoms for the Halloween Cab on Wednesday, Oct. 31 in The Zoo. We are doing a harm reduction trial run at this cab along with LPIRG and the CSSDP Club. If this is successful, we might make this a regular thing at our bigger events where there is alcohol involved.

11:28 a.m.

Now for some provincial lobbying. Our new ULSU Advocacy Advisory Committee has completed research regarding some of the policies which we have on the books for The Council of Alberta University Students (CAUS), our provincial lobby group. There were two policies in particular that may need updating and they both have to do with student loans. The policies which relate to parental contributions and part-time earnings may need to be updated due to the changes made this summer to Student Aid Alberta. More info here can be found at studentaid. alberta.ca.

12:00 p.m.

It’s lunch time. I brought pizza today.

12:53 p.m.

Another registration form for the Volunteer Fair! I am very happy with the number of registrations so far.

2:02 p.m.

It’s time for the weekly Executive Council meeting. At today’s meeting, we went over Cheri’s operations reports and all the execu-

tives gave a report of what we have been doing over the past week. A few travel & conference grants were approved and funding for the Stress-Free Zone and harm reduction at the Halloween Cabaret were approved.

3:07 p.m.

The Executive Council meeting went long so the Legislative Review Committee started late.

This can happen sometimes. At the Legislative Review Committee meeting, we went over the plan for how we are going to review the bylaws and policies this year.

I have been assigned some homework by Shuna Talbot, committee chair and VP Internal. I have to look through “Bylaw V – The President” to see if anything needs to be added to my job description or if there is anything that is outdated. I will have my edits ready for the next meeting.

4:30 p.m.

I still have some stuff to do. Today isn’t too bad; I just have a few emails to catch up on that came in throughout the day so hopefully I will be able to go home by 5:30 or so.

5:48 p.m.

I get to go home now. It’s a little later than 5:30 but at least it’s not 8 p.m. like last week, or the week before, or the week before.

Anyway, I love my job and today wasn’t even particularly exciting!

Year in Review, and Thanks to All of You!

the

murderist

October 25, 2012 • 30

Jobs, jobs, jobs!

Let us introduce you to CES (Career & Employment Services). CES is a student service office dedicated to assisting you with your career and job search needs. We’re within the Career Co-op Services office in AH154, along with Applied Studies and the Management and Arts & Science Cooperative Education programs. CCS office hours are 9 a.m. – 12 p.m. and 1 p.m. – 4 p.m. Monday to Friday.

Go to our website for more detailed information on our services: www.uleth.ca/ross/ces.

Information sessions on campus: Please sign up by e-mailing ces.students@uleth.ca to receive times and locations • RCMP – Monday, Oct. 29 • Operation Wallacea – Wednesday, Nov. 7 Workshops to Nov. 9 (see full schedule and sign up online at www.uleth.ca/ross/ces/wor kshops) CES resume/cover letter workshops: * Wednesday, Oct. 31, 3 p.m. – 5:30 p.m. * Monday, Nov. 5, 3 p.m. – 5:30 p.m.

CES interview workshops: * Thursday, Oct. 25, 1:40 p.m. – 4:00 p.m. * Wednesday, Nov. 7, 2 p.m. – 4:30 p.m.

CES how to network with employers workshops: * Wednesday, Oct. 31, 11 a.m. – 12 p.m. * Friday, Nov. 2, 12 p.m. – 1 p.m. * Tuesday, Nov. 6, 11 a.m. – 12 p.m. * Wednesday, Nov. 7, 10 a.m. – 11 a.m.

Career planning 101 workshops: what can you do with your major?: * Friday, Oct. 26, 12 p.m. – 1:30 p.m. * Tuesday, Oct. 30, 1:40 p.m. – 3:00 p.m. * Friday, Nov. 2, 2 p.m. – 3:30 p.m. * Tuesday, Nov. 6, 3 p.m. – 5 p.m.

Job search & networking workshops: * Thursday, Nov. 1, 1:40 – 3:40 p.m.

* Friday, Nov. 9, 1 p.m. – 3 p.m.

Career portfolios for interviews workshops: * Monday, Oct. 29, 10 a.m. – 11:30 a.m. * Thursday, Nov. 8, 3 p.m. – 4:30 p.m.

Visit our website www.uleth.ca/ross/ces to find the CES online job board!

Full time • Franchise Manager ~ University First Class Painters (Oct. 31) • Management Trainee ~ Guillevin Internation Co (Dec. 31) • Agronomy Assistant; Operations Management Trainee; Sales Trainee; Grain Marketing Trainee; Agronomist in Training; Business Support Associate; Operations Management Associate ~ Various Locations ~ Cargill (Nov. 2) • Sales Trainee ~ Various Locations ~ Cargill Feed & Nutrition (Nov. 2) • Regional Manager, Edm/Cgy/Leth ~ Perseptive Edge (Oct. 30) • Technology Development Assistant; DEKALB Assistant ~ Monsanto (Nov. 9) • Community Disabilities Services Worker, Leth ~ Peak Vocational & Support Services (Oct. 31) • Agribusiness Assistant, Various Locations ~ Richardson International (Nov. 30) • Sales Representative, Lloydminster ~ Dow AgroSciences (Oct. 31) • Professional Consultant, Cgy ~ Dillon Consulting (Oct. 31) • Research Associate Canola, Saskatoon ~ DuPont Pioneer (Nov. 1) • Junior Human Resources Rep, Cgy ~ Crescent Point Energy (Oct. 31) • Family Support Counsellor I or II, Leth ~ Woods Homes (Oct. 31) • Property and Casualty Underwriter, Cgy/Edm ~ State Farm Insurance (Nov. 2) • Associate Laboratory Technologist, Grande Prairie/Red Deer ~ Halliburton Group Canada (Nov. 2) • Addiction/Mental Health Students & New Grads ~ Alberta Health Services (Jan. 2) • Field Technicians, Leth ~

• • • •

• • • • • • •

• •

• • • • • •

• • • •

• •

Corix Group Companies (Nov. 2) Portal Administrator, Leth ~ U of L (Oct. 28) Sales Representative, Leth ~ Golds Gym (Nov. 4) Junior Software Developer, Cgy ~ Divestco (Nov. 8) Agronomists, Taber/Vauxhall ~ Crop Production Services (Nov. 8) Crop Production Advisor, AB/SK ~ Crop Production Services (Nov. 8) Parts Manager, Leth ~ Davis Auto Group (Nov. 9) Food Service Sales Representative, Edm ~ Kraft Canada (Nov. 9) Data Analyst/Receptionist, Cgy ~ Gibson Energy (Nov. 10) Account Executive, Edm ~ Patron West Equip Finance (Nov. 30) Software Developer, Cgy ~ Arts Management Systems (Nov. 11) Junior Accounting Technician, Med Hat ~ Mactavish & Company (Oct. 31) Credit Analyst, Edm ~ Cash Store Financial (Nov. 11) Environmental Field Coordinator, Hanna ~ Graham Brothers Construction Group (Nov. 12) Agronomist, AB/SK ~ Sanderson & Associates (Nov. 14) Field Biologist, Cochrane ~ Complete Crossings Inc (Nov. 15) Account Representative; Field Manager, Edm ~ Otis Canada Inc. (Nov. 15) Project Accountant, Edm ~ Pentair Thermal Management (Oct. 31) Field Sales Rep, Cgy ~ Mondelez International (Nov. 3) Education & PACES Program Director, Cgy ~ Calgary Communities Against Sexual Abuse (Oct. 29) Addiction Support Worker, Rocky Mountain House ~ Enviros (Nov. 5) Executive Team Leader, Edm ~ Target (Nov. 17) Pre-Sell Customer Service Rep, Edm/Cgy ~ PepsiCo. (Nov. 18) Term Developmental Meat Inspector, Leth ~ Canadian Food Inspection Agency (Nov. 2) Child Care Provider, Leth ~ YWCA (Nov. 2) Crisis Counselor, Leth ~ YWCA (Nov. 2)

Temporary • Business Banking Officer, Leth ~ HSBC Bank Canada (Nov. 4) • Foodservice Sales Rep, Edm ~ Kraft Canada (Nov. 16) Summer postings • Breeding Associates, SK/MB/AB ~ Bayer CropScience (Nov. 9) • Sales Associates, SK/AB/MB/ON ~ Bayer CropScience (Oct. 31) • Development & Licensing Associates ~ Bayer CropScience (Oct. 31) • Seed Production Associates ~ Bayer CropScience (Nov. 16) • Specialty Canola Oils Sales; Operations Intern; Agronomy Research Intern, Various Locations ~ Cargill (Nov. 2) • Relationship Manager Assistant, Various Locations ~ FCC (Nov. 16) • Seed Technician Assistant; Summer Sales Assistant ~ Monsanto (Nov. 9) • Agribusiness Student, Various Locations ~ Richardson International (Nov. 30) • Agronomy Student, Various Locations ~ Richardson International (Oct. 29) • Agronomy Trial Intern, Alberta ~ DuPont Pioneer (Nov. 14) • Crop Production Assistants, AB/SK ~ Crop Production Services (Nov. 8) • Summer Sales Assistant, Leth/Cgy/Edm/Camrose ~ Dow AgroSciences (Oct. 31) • Summer Parent Seed Associates, Kamloops/Abbotsford ~ Bayer CropScience (Nov. 10) • Hybrid Canola Seed Production Assistant, Leth ~ DowAgroSciences (Nov. 16) • Research Assistant/ Tutor, Deep River/Chalk River ~ Deep River Science Academy (Jan. 30) • Summer Research Associate, Leth/Edm ~ BASF Canada (Nov. 2) Part time • Field Artillery Soldier/Officer ~ Canadian Forces (Nov. 30) • Online Teaching Job ~ Hiknow English (Dec. 31) • Care Giver, Leth ~ Care.com (Dec. 12) • Community Disabilities Services Worker, Leth ~ Peak Vocational & Support Services (Oct. 31)

• •

• • • •

•

Tutor, Leth ~ Tutor Doctor (Dec. 31) Part Time Server/Housekeeper/Cook, Leth ~ The Gardens at West Highlands (Nov. 5) Youth Development Specialist, Cgy ~ Boys & Girls Club (Nov. 3) Disability Services Worker, Leth ~ Quest Support Services (Nov. 4) Mystery Shopping Opportunities, Leth ~ Premier Service (Nov. 5) Cora’s Lethbridge is hiring for Food/Beverage Industry, Leth ~ Cora Breakfast & Lunch (Nov. 1) Sales Position & Merchandising, Leth ~ McGuires Men’s Wear (Nov. 18)

International • Volunteer Positions, Various Locations ~ International Humanity Foundation (Nov. 20) • English (ESL) Teacher, Various Locations ~ Neo Education (Oct. 31) • English Teacher ~ EF Changchun (Dec. 31) • Math/Science/English Teaching Position, England ~ Engage Education Canada (Dec. 31) • Teach English in South Korea; Public School Jobs in South Korea ~ Eagle Consulting (Nov. 2)) • Internships in China ~ InternChina (Dec. 31) • Supply or Contract Positions in Melbourne, Australia and London, England ~ ANZUK Teaching Agency (Nov. 3) • Teach English in South Korea ~ Avalon English (Dec. 28) • InternChina, Graduate Trainee ~ InternChina (Nov. 8) • Education Marketing Internships, Beijing ~ CISC Global (Nov. 8) • Youth Ambassador, Tanzania ~ Youth Challenge International (Oct. 31) • Teaching Options in South Korea ~ Korjob (Nov. 10) • Teach, Travel & Earn Money, South Korea ~ Aclipse (Nov. 10) • Travel. Teach. Save! South Korea ~ Adventure Teaching (Nov. 2) For details of the postings and information on the application processes, go to www.uleth.ca/ross/ces/jobboard.

O

U

A

R

E

O

U

R

N Y

Try to find this pronghorn in this week’s issue of the Meliorist. E-mail the page number and a brief description of where you found it to einc@themeliorist.ca. You will be entered to win our monthly pronghorn draw. You can enter as many times in the month as we publish.

W N

S

U

C

K

E

R

S

Hard

Medium

Easy

Answers Y