ALBERT SNODGRASS

Has anyone elses gardening skills improved during this quarantine like mine have?

I planted myself on the sofa at the start of April and I’ve grown bigger ever since.

Have you ever seen a picture of Mount Rushmore before it was carved?

year’s Commonwealth Games Closing Ceremony in Birmingham a recent stand out. A British treasure, Beverley was awarded an MBE in 2007 for services to British music and charity, has won three MOBO Awards, been nominated for Best Female at the Brit Awards 3 times, Best Actress at the Olivier Awards twice, and Best Female at the prestigious Mercury Music Prize.

Tickets for the UK tour go on sale Friday 24th March at 9:00am and will be available from www.sheffieldcityhall. co.uk/.

Crossword Clues

It’s unpresidented.

Will glass coffins be a success?

Remains to be seen.

My friend asked me if I wanted to hear a really good Batman impression, so I said go on then. He shouted, “NOT THE KRYPTONITE!” and I said, “That’s Superman...”

“Thanks man,” he said, “I’ve been practising a lot.”

I took my 8-year old girl to the office with me on, “Take Your Kid to Work Day.” As we walked around the office, she starting crying, so I asked what was wrong with her.

As my colleagues gathered round she sobbed: “But daddy where are all the clowns you said you worked with?”

My uncle was crushed by a piano.... His funeral was very low key.

Did you hear about the cheese factory explosion in France?

All that was left was de Brie.

My wife left a note on the fridge saying: “This isn’t working. I’m leaving.”

“What a lie! I opened the fridge door and it’s working fine.”

I used to be in a band called “The Hinges” We opened for “The Doors.”

I just found out that “Aaarghh” is not a real word. I can’t express how angry I am.