Metro Spirit 01.12.2012 by Metro Spirit

TABLE of CONTENTS

whine line - TOM TOMORROW - LETTERS TO THE METRO SPIRIT - INSIDER - AUSTIN RHODES metro - RUFFIN’ IT - NY TIMES CROSSWORD - AUGUSTA TEK are you not entertained - CALENDAR elements slab - IN MUSIC the8 - ASTROLOGY - SIGHTINGS - CUISINE SCENE - BALL - AMY ALKON: ADVICE GODDESS - JENNY IS WRIGHT

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COVER DESIGN | KRUHU.COM Metro Spirit is a free newspaper published weekly on Thursday, 52 weeks a year. Editorial coverage includes local issues and news, arts, entertainment, people, places and events. In our paper appear views from across the political and social spectrum. The views do not necessarily represent the views of the publisher. Visit us at metrospirit.com.© 15 House, LLC. Owner/Publisher: Joe White. Legal: Phillip Scott Hibbard. Reproduction or use without permission is prohibited. One copy per person, please.

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METRO SPIRIT 01.12.12

WHINELINE Aaauuuuggghhh to the merger of ASU with MCG!!! We are now doomed ... If you’ve never met Joe Neal, you like him as well as you’re ever going to. This is in response to the sanctimonious B.S. leveled at Austin Rhodes regarding Alvin Mason. While I don’t condone violence towards women under any circumstances, there are two sides to every story. I know a guy in Kentucky whose girlfriend was so upset that he was breaking up with her that she said she’d call the police and say he was beating her. He said that there wasn’t a mark on her and that it wouldn’t wash. She proceeded to smash her head into a wall stud. The police came and hauled him away in handcuffs in front of all the neighbors; he was arrested, booked and spent the night in jail. Fortunately for him, she confessed the truth and wrote a letter to the court exonerating him. My ex-wife threw plates at me, slapped and scratched me. I put her in a bear hug and put her on the ground just to keep from getting my ass beat. She later told people I choked her and a ssaulted her. For people with government jobs and security clearances, this can be devastating and career ending. Making false accusations isn’t only immoral, it takes away from those who truly are victims. We are recent transpalnts from the North East. Recently, we spotted an AOL video featuring a local news anchor caught while she thought she was off camera. This happens ALL THE TIME on ALL the local channels, not to mention the gaffes. We also take note of the racial

METRO SPIRIT 01.12.12

division that is frequently reported in print, tv and radio among the council. Just saying, we are surprised and dismayed. I was cautiously excited for recreational hockey to be back in town. Cautious because of ownership changes and shutdowns over the years. Well, like before, it is impossible to get a human to talk to you by dialing the rink’s number and impossible to get a response by email. My boss never pays us on time. EVER. Today was payday, and even though the majority of us haven’t gotten our paychecks from the last pay day and did not get them today, he has our ignorant manager put up a notice telling us that from now on, WE would be the ones staying late (at 2.13/hr, mind you) to “scrub” the toilets and mop the bathrooms. HERE’S AN IDEA--Take the money you spend on bounced check fees, overdraft charges, and your daily bottle of scotch and use it to PAY someone to clean your damn bathrooms. I would like to say that your story on Joe [Neal Jr.] seems to be very judgemental. I have been friends with Joe for many years. Joe has been a great source of legal advice over the years as Joe and I advocate for fathers having equal rights in custodial matters. Your story seemed to vary this point as you implied Joe was isolationist from anyone other than the hill area. Joe was one of the kindest people you could meet. Before you make judgements on Joe please understand the source here as the Metro Spririt admitted there was friction from previous issues. Augusta media are bias!!!!!

Just got done watching Oprah Winfrey interview Joel Osteen the Houston, Texas “prosperity proselytizing preacher.” WOW! Religious faith is a commodity/ product without either a guarantee or refund - yet people can’t separate from their money fast enough to buy stock in those “junk bonds” -unbelievable! this is a response to last week’s rant/ rave/ about whoever is taking up for the sewn up music clique that exists here in augusta.All the new bands are here and are not going anywhere. So, in your childish little mind, if you think the music scene in augusta will always be a clique and remain in stagnation, you are sadly mistaken. THE fresh new bands are and have taken over and dinosaurs such as yourself will fade into forgotten oblivion. Remember, life and time is a bitch.

Isn’t North Augusta pretty much a role model city? It is hard to believe that Romney is so high in the polls in SC, when in Mass. He pushed a bill that made legal gun owners pay $100.00 per year, per gun. The closing of The Vue is the greatest thing to happen to Augusta since...EVER. While I’m no psychic, I can predict what happened in the Mason home. Angry woman begins tyrade. Patient husband heads toward the exit. Mad woman snatches his car keys. Fed up husband shoves her to the side. She slips. He dashes. Indignant woman calls cops. I am sure they are both ashamed.

Have something you want to get off your chest? Send your whines to whineline@themetrospirit.com. If you do so by noon on Friday, you might just see it in the next Wednesday’s issue. Oh, and whines may be edited for content but will pretty much be printed exactly as you type them.

up THUMBS

Tim Tebow: Not a bad NFL quarterback, as it turns out.

down THUMBS

Tim Tebow: Not the only member of the Denver Broncos football team, as it turns out.

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WHINELINE@THEMETROSPIRIT.COM

LETTER TO THE METRO SPIRIT Be More Considerate When It Comes to Fireworks

To the Metro Spirit: Please note that Joseph Neal, Jr. is not the current president of Summerville Neighborhood Association as reported in your January 5 article. I was elected SNA president at our November meeting. Should future references to his role in the association be necessary, please identify him as a former president. Feel free to contact me if any further clarification is needed or if I can be of any assistance. Best regards, and best wishes for a wonderful new year.

To the Metro Spirit: When I was a child, my parents would take our family to see beautiful fireworks displays on holidays like the Fourth of July, Memorial Day and Armed Forces Day. They explained that the “explosions” were symbolic of explosions from gunfire and bombs in battle, during wartime, when men and women fought and died for our freedoms. Over the years, I have continued to enjoy the fireworks displays put on by pyrotechnic engineers, accompanied by firemen to maintain public safety during the events. Some of the most spectacular displays I have seen have been at Disney World and Disney Land. But things have really changed. Fireworks, firecrackers, rockets and many varieties of “bombs” became really popular entertainment for people of all ages, in spite of the danger they present by handling them incorrectly. They are readily available for purchase. Even though they are illegal to use in many areas, including residential areas, they are very prevalent. People that put on their own personal fireworks shows don’t worry about complaints or law enforcement because the officers have so many other issues of a higher priority to deal with that, well, firecrackers end up being “acceptable.” What is the attraction? Do people just get a thrill making all that racket, regardless of how it bothers their neighbors? They probably don’t take into consideration that some people would like to sleep, and can’t because of the noise. I am sure they don’t consider that those loud noises, like gunshot noises, might scare small children, elderly people and people with various types of mental illness or phobias. They surely don’t consider the trauma and anxiety it causes some military veterans that have flashbacks of bombs and gunfire. And I am sure that it would never occur to them to consider that animals are scared of them, too, whether they are domestic pets, in the house or outside, or animals out in the wild. Many family pets have run off from their homes because they were so scared. Fireworks in residential areas are illegal, but more than that, they are a very inconsiderate invasion of the peace and quiet people expect when they are in their own homes. There really are many professional displays to go see, so as not to disrupt the peace in a neighborhood. Or, take them to an empty parking lot with lots of space and few people to disturb. Please, at least take the time to consider others next time you think about fireworks. Not all neighbors appreciate the “show” (and the noise) you are putting on, or the trash left behind. And very few neighbors will risk friendships or even retaliation by saying something to you about it. Fireworks, like everything else, have a time and place that they are appropriate, and very much enjoyed. It is possible for us all to enjoy fireworks, without being bombarded in our own homes.

Jack Evans Augusta

Lorna Barrett Augusta

Back to the Future Are you one of those who begrudge those damn kids and their Wii, Kinect and first-person shooters? Then you’ll love retrocade. net, a site that currently has 64 games that you can play for free and is constantly adding “new” ones. The best news is that these games mimic the look and feel of games like Space Invaders, Donkey Kong, Asteroids and Pac-Man with games like Little Stars for Little Wars, Rock Rush, Bambuzza, Kulkis and more. They aren’t the real thing, but when a game called “Bad Ice Cream” reminds us this much of the games from our childhood, who need the real deal?

WERECOMMEND LETTER TO THE METRO SPIRIT Clarification

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METRO SPIRIT 01.12.12

INSIDER

Insider is an anonymous, opinion-based examination of the hidden details of Augusta politics and personalities.

Coming in early 2012! Metrospirit.com!

All the grumbling was actually true. We couldn’t even figure out how to make a website and post content! We have come to the realization, after many failed attempts, that you don’t literally smash the pages into the port on the wall. Ha! Well, joke’s on us. Now that our IT Department has been purged and new hires are in place, we are working diligently to create the newest, greatest, most fantastic website ever seen in the history of man. At least that’s what we’ll be telling our prospective advertisers. You see, in the world of websites, especially in small markets like Augusta, business owners have no idea what to believe when it comes to local internet traffic. One day internet traffic will be easy to measure, like a water meter for all to see. Now? You gotta believe, baby! For instance, say a salesperson is wanting you to buy advertising on a local media website. If the word “clicks” or “hits” comes out of his mouth, release the hounds! Why bring this up? Because it is still being used to sell ads on the web here in Augusta and it’s from the horse and buggy days. One reason we haven’t built a solid presence on the web yet is simply because you can’t sell enough ads online to support your overhead. If the Metro Spirit suddenly starts posting all its content for free online, we’re out of business. But we’re about to dive on in. Soon. In a bit. Before Q1 is up. Early in 2oh12. Thus, a primer for buying the web in Augusta is in order. Page views, unique visitors and time spent on site are what you should be looking for if you are a small business looking to advertise on a local media website. We’ll have two million unique visitors guaranteed. Give or take two million or so. Seriously. A unique visitor is one human being. No matter how many times they go on a site, they register as one unique visitor. So a site can have 45,000 unique visitors and 675,000 page views. That’s as if each of your unique visitors viewed 15 pages. If the numbers sound unbelievable, generally it’s because they are. Unbelievable. Use common sense. On a side note, one locally owned publication is reporting phenomenal traffic on their

site. According to them, “People in more than 500 cities across the United States and 625 cities globally read each issue of (our community newspaper) online.” Wow! That is hard to believe! I mean really. That is hard to believe. So, buyer beware of online marketing. Find a site you know is popular and buy advertising on it. In a market such as this, sometimes it’s best to trust your gut.

Expanding Campus

For some, consolidation will be a four-letter word While it might be called a consolidation, the idea that Augusta State University, aka Harvard on the Hill, will now be absorbed into the colossus at the foot of the hill, Georgia Health Sciences University, is unsettling plenty of academics and administrators working in the higher elevations. After all, the point of the whole thing is supposed to be to save money, and you don’t have to be a blue-collar worker to realize what that means. On Tuesday, the Board of Regents approved the school consolidations Chancellor Hank Huckaby recommended last week, paving the way for GHSU President Dr. Ricardo Azziz to take over whatever the new institution might be called. He obviously has experience at the whole naming thing. In this case, Azziz is an accidental emperor, but one whose imperialistic tendencies make him sure to embrace the challenge. “The Board’s approval now paves the way for us to proceed,” Huckaby said in a press release. “We will focus on how these consolidations enable us to better serve our students and areas of the state more efficiently and effectively. I look forward to working with the eight institutions on this process.” In other words, we’ve made the decision, now we’ll figure out how to make it work. And that’s precisely the kind of vacuum Azziz works in best.

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Remember that grace period after he took over the helm at MCG? Nobody else does, either, because while they were sitting back preparing for a slew of meetings and maybe circling the new coffeemaker they hoped to order for the department, Azziz was out giving them all a new name and implementing all sorts of other initiatives. Now he’s actually got a mandate rubber stamped by the Board of Regents. Though the idea of the consolidation has been floated for a few months, you can’t blame them if the folks at ASU are feeling a little ambushed by it all. Early on, employees at all levels were finding out about things along with the rest of Augusta, and the usual emailed talking points weren’t trickling down either, so nobody knew what they were supposed to say about it all. And as you can imagine, the administrative offices are in considerable turmoil, since they’re the ones most likely to be consolidated. If you’re at ASU, it’s like you’re playing a game of musical chairs and your mom’s not manning the music. And while musical chairs are fun enough when you’re a kid, if you’re left standing as an adult, there’s no one there to give you a cupcake and tell you it’s going to be okay. On the upside — at least Azziz finally gets the grassy campus he’s always wanted.

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INSIDER@THEMETROSPIRIT.COM

Shuffling at the Top 23 years. Don Bailey has been promoted to general manager of the Augusta Chronicle. Bailey comes to Augusta from another Morris paper, the Savannah Morning News. December 28, 2004 Don Bailey is now president of the Augusta Chronicle. Julian Miller leaves Augusta to become publisher of the Savannah Morning News. November 2006 Peter Zanmiller, publisher of The Herald-Dispatch in Huntington, W. Va., is promoted to president and publisher of The Times of Shreveport in Shreveport, La. May 10, 2008 Julian Miller quits the Savannah Morning News to pursue other interests. (He is now the spokesperson for the Savannah-Chatham County Police department). March, 2009 Alan English leaves the Gannet owned The Times of Shreveport and is named executive editor of the Augusta Chronicle. Insiders say that when you reach the top of the Augusta Chronicle, there is only one place to go. Word is Lt. Gen. Atkins will shake things up with an eye on the bottom line. Bringing in someone with zero experience in media has the workforce at the daily worried. With none of the entanglements that relationships create, he will be looking at the employees with fresh eyes. As of January 10, the Chronicle staff page has 66 employees (at least 66 who are important enough to have their picture and contact information listed). All are talented and good at what they do. But what is being whispered at 725 Broad Street is what happens when they are no more than a number on a balance sheet? We’ll soon find out. While we wait, here’s a timeline of the switches and swaps that have moved everybody where they are: July 12, 2002 Julian Miller, the Chronicle’s general manager since 1988 (14 years), is named president of The Augusta Chronicle. He has been employed by the newspaper for

July 19, 2011 Don Bailey quits the Augusta Chronicle to pursue other interests. October, 2011 Pete Zanmiller is promoted from The Times of Shreveport to south regional vice president of Gannett Publishing Services. No replacement is named. January 3, 2012 Don Bailey is named president/publisher of The Times of Shreveport. “His background and experience in leading the successful multimedia transformation of a print publication into a digitally-focused portfolio of products will be a tremendous asset,” said Robert Dickey, president of Gannett’s U.S. Community Publishing division. January 3, 2012 Lt. Gen. Dana T. Atkins starts as president of the Augusta Chronicle. “He will make a major contribution to our digital transformation efforts,” said Will Morris, president of Morris Publishing Group.

Judging the Competition As Christine steps aside, others jump to replace

The news that Columbia County’s golden boy Bobby Christine has decided not to seek reelection as Columbia County’s Chief Magistrate judge has many of the county’s big and influential feeling a little troubled. Christine, a lieutenant colonel in the National Guard, is a JAG officer who was last activated and deployed in 2003 and 2004. He explained that his decision not to run was based on information he received that he would likely be activated and deployed this year. Ever the honorable man, he said he didn’t want to wait until his activation was final because that might keep good, qualified candidates from running. Honorable or not, a lot of important people have invested a good deal of time and effort in grooming Christine, and his decision, which caught many of them flatfooted, has left them feeling like all that effort might have been a waste of time. If there’s something going on under the radar, or if he’s reacting to inside information that one of the other judgeships might be opening soon, he’s not telling anyone, which means that after years of being on the inside, he’s now decidedly on the outside. Or maybe everyone else is.

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As far as those jockeying for position, so far a Christopher and a pair of Jasons have surfaced. Though Associate Magistrate Jason Troiano is the heir apparent, he’s currently trying to mend fences with both the sheriff and the DA after roughhousing a deputy on the stand during a recent sexual assault trial. And those are two people you need on your side if you want that job. Hasty, on the other hand, comes to the race as an outsider, with no real history with law enforcement or the DA. He’s not the kind who’s going to be a behind the scenes favorite, but Troiano will have to play the candidate in order to win, and some doubt he’s got that in him, so who knows? Christopher Hudson has also committed to running, and there are certainly several more who are doodling out possible strategies. That’s the beauty of the Magistrate’s job — you can practice law while serving as a judge. Double income. Security. And more importantly, it’s an acknowledged stepping stone to a superior court judgeship, which qualifies as the big time.

METRO SPIRIT 01.12.12

AUSTINRHODES

The views expressed are the opinions of Austin Rhodes and do not necessarily represent the views of the publisher.

How Not to Consolidate I hope the pointy heads that run ASU and GHSU (MCG, dammit) are smart enough to take a good, hard look at the royal mess the City of Augusta and Richmond County made when they consolidated and avoid their mistakes like an airborne contagion. I will provide a bit of a history lesson on how all that went wrong in a moment, but first, I had to chuckle a bit when I saw that my friend Sylvia Cooper did not know about this thing until last week, as she wrote in her City Ink column Sunday. Trust me, she was not alone: “The movers and shakers are predicting Augusta will become a boomtown once Augusta State University and Georgia Health Sciences University are joined into one institution of higher learning with GHSU President Ricardo Azziz officiating. Some ordinary folks don’t know what to think because we didn’t know a thing about it until University System of Georgia Chancellor Hank Huckaby and members of the Board of Regents came to town for a private meeting with local officials last week and ended up springing

it on us like a shotgun wedding.” The first word of this proposed merger that was posted or mentioned in a public sense was on The Austin Rhodes Show Facebook page, on September 26, 2011, and of course, on my radio show. The Augusta Chronicle did a brief follow up on it 16 days later. This week, ASU Student Government Senator Amanda Bryant posted the following message on the Augusta Today Facebook page: “As an ASU student and senator, I did hear about this a while back... However, as a senator, I am not allowed to speak about certain issues until we know all the details. This did come about pretty quick though. I do not like this merger one bit. I would like to hear some legit opinions on this matter. I do know that this may cause some possible layoffs and a possible raise in tuition. How can that be good?” Hey ASU students... look at that. One of your elected reps says this plan was in the kitty before I first discussed it back in late September. This wasn’t a military secret; this was a reorganization

of taxpayer-funded institutions. In other words, it is the biggest piece of the public’s business that can occur. Why the conspiracy of silence on this thing? Why not start asking questions immediately? As far as I know, there is absolutely no requirement that student government representatives have to keep the biggest story in school history under their hats until the Board of Regents find the good grace to restore their power of speech. ASU student government screwed the moose on this one. Big time. I kinda miss the good old days when student government would swing down on bespeckled administrators telling them to keep “The Man’s” secrets from their fellow students. Oh well. God knows I did my part. Over three months ago, no less. Though this consolidation can be a good thing, if handled correctly, let’s hope they do not pry Charles Walker and Robin Williams from their jail cells to put the plan to paper. If they do, you might get passages like this, from the

Augusta-Richmond County Consolidation Agreement: “This (Consolidation) Act shall not result in and shall not be implemented to result in the termination of employment of any employees of Richmond County or the City of Augusta...” That one little sub-sentence kept real savings from being realized by the merged governments for years. Only after a few bright folks (notably, Sheriff Ronnie Strength) identified a few terminations to be the result of “budget concerns” did they get away with eliminating wasteful duplication in the labor force. When it comes to cost reductions and streamlining, may the Board of Regents be blessed with far more wisdom and intestinal fortitude than what was suffered by Augusta taxpayers.

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METRONEWS Jumping In

ERICJOHNSON

Holley decides to run for commission Though qualifying is still months away, Evans resident Butch Holley has announced his intention to run for the District 3 commission seat currently held by Charles Allen.

“As I started talking with people, it became one of those things where I realized this may be a calling,” he said. “But I never went about things like, ‘I want to be in politics.’” Whether he wants to be in politics or not, when he clicked the send button and distributed his email announcement last Thursday, politics came to him. Now, he’s starting to introduce himself to an electorate that might have a bit of a struggle picking him out of a lineup. Though a member of several civic groups, including a 2009 graduate of Leadership Augusta and a board member of the Jud C. Hickey Center, Holley is perhaps best known for his Richmond County endeavors, including working for the Salvation Army’s Kroc Center, where he serves as the marketing manager. Formerly, he was vice president of the Augusta Metro Federal Credit Union. “Through my professional career, I’ve had the opportunity to meet some of the more financially wealthy people in the area, and working for the organization I work for now, I meet some of the people that are absolutely down on their luck and have nothing,” he said. “What I’ve learned from those people — people need to talk to one another.” Communication, he said, transcends political affiliations. “It doesn’t matter if you’re a Democrat, it doesn’t matter if you’re a conservative,” he said. “It doesn’t matter if you’re a liberal or a Republican. The fact of the matter is, people have to be able to talk, and that’s kind of where my groundswell comes from.” Given the low approval ratings politicians of both parties are receiving, V. 23 | NO. 02

that kind of partisan-free language could go a long way, but this is Columbia County we’re talking about, where such bridge-building talk is often met with suspicion if not outright contempt. “I’ll be running on the Republican ballot,” he said with a reassuring smile, “but I’ve never let a party define me. When people ask me which side of the political aisle I fall on, I tell them I’m a conservative.” By that he means he’s a conservative by nature. When he eats, he tries to eat smaller portions. When he spends money, he tries to spend less. “Do I completely understand everything Republicans stand for and do I stand beside all of it?” he asked. “Not always. I don’t toe that line, and I think that’s something that makes me a little different than a lot of other people in politics.” But does it make him an electable Republican in Columbia County, especially when his target is Charles Allen, as entrenched a Republican as you’re likely to find? Allen, who’s serving his second stint on the commission, is not only the only member consistently left alone by the county’s more aggressive Republican voices, his wife, Kay Allen, is the tax commissioner and his brother, Rick Allen, is running for the 12 District Congressional seat. Though he said he knows he’s effectively taking on a form of political dynasty, Holley sounded unfazed. “The more I talked to people, the more I discovered that just about everybody is in agreement with me — there are local politicians that don’t talk to people, there are regional politicians

that don’t talk to people, and if those are the people who are in charge of our future, it doesn’t bode well for us.” The desire for better communication isn’t the only reason he’s entering the race, however. “When the current county commissioner showed several times that he would just not vote on issues because he didn’t want to and then just wasn’t talking to his constituents, this is where it became evident that now is the time for me to do something,” he said. President of the Hardy Pointe Homeowner’s Association for the last five years, Holley said he watched with interest the way the Augusta Prep lights issue played out in Springlakes and was disappointed with Charles Allen’s response. “The current commissioner of District 3 decided his wasn’t going to vote either way,” he said. “That was a poor decision because to me that was saying, ‘I’m choosing not to represent anyone on this, although I’m an elected official.’ And that’s just not something that I feel an elected official should do.” Although District 3 includes Evans and the Government Center Complex, much of the district is rural, which means that, like District 4, managed growth is a concern among the constituents. “It’s almost a dichotomy of scale when you go from the area around Windmill Plantation and then go about three miles to the north and start approaching Pollard’s Corner,” he said. “You get back into the old Columbia County side of things. You see the people that are living in the old homes that four or five generations of their family have lived in. It’s almost a forgotten side of Columbia County.” He can say that because, although he’s relatively young, he’s old enough to have the county memories that seem to be a prerequisite to run for office, like when Halali Farm Road was a dirt road or when there was a barbed wire fence you had to get through to get to Mullikin Road. Therefore, he said, managing the county’s growth into these rural areas is key. “I want to ensure that all that grows in a controlled manner,” he said. “Without controlled growth and without understanding exactly what the public wants, you won’t be able to ensure that quality of life that we have in Columbia County.”

METRO SPIRIT 01.12.12

ERICJOHNSON

Defining Ordinary

Commission goes to extraordinary lengths to spell out what’s ordinary business

Commissioner Bill Lockett, who along with Commissioners Alvin Mason and, to a somewhat lesser extent, Corey Johnson and J.R. Hatney, has been opposing much of the commission’s agenda on the basis that they did not have the votes required to legally reorganize government, fired what could be his last remaining shot regarding the topic Tuesday, when he requested that General Council Andrew MacKenzie define just exactly what the word ordinary means. Lockett again explained his argument — that something as significant as the reorganization of government requires more than the six-vote majority required for ordinary business. The problem is that the charter makes no mention of what business other than ordinary might be.

“In my mindset, if it specifies that it takes six votes to conduct ordinary business, then there has to be business other than ordinary business that this body would conduct,” he said. “So my question is, if there is another type of business, we need a definition of what is ordinary, because this body has

done things this past year that haven’t been done during the history of this government, and I wouldn’t consider that as being ordinary.” MacKenzie, who has been the target of much of Lockett’s ire during the last year, explained that his review of the charter revealed only one kind of action that requires an eight-vote supermajority, and that is an action to modify the consolidation act or any other local act. “That’s why I think it says you have to have a quorum for ordinary business which would be everything except amending the consolidation act,” he said. MacKenzie recommended that the commission recognize that the only action that would take eight votes would be an action to amend the consolidation act. “And everything else is within the category of ordinary business,” he said. “Even though it may seem extraordinary, we’re really kind of limited to the language that’s within the consolidation act.” Though Lockett was less combative

than during other meetings, he continued to press for another definition that was more favorable to his argument. “I’ve checked quite a few legal dictionaries and other types of dictionaries to find out what the definition of ordinary business is, and all of them — every last one of them — said it was something that happens pretty much on a regular basis, something that’s not unusual,” he said. “To me — and I’m not a lawyer by a long shot — but to me, to privatize one of our departments is not ordinary business.” MacKenzie also explained that the Lockett’s desire to have the attorney general render an opinion was unlikely, since the attorney general rarely comments on local questions. Ultimately, the committee decided to have MacKenzie draft his opinion and circulate it among the commissioners. If it proves to be the last word on the subject, most would agree it would certainly rise to the level of extraordinary, at least by Augusta’s definition.

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Weddings Receptions Rehearsal Dinners Meetings Concerts Catering Bar Service V. 23 | NO. 02

JOSHRUFFIN

What Was Hollywood Thinking? These crazy movies might just be worth seeing

V. 23 | NO. 02

RUFFIN’IT

You guys, I was going to write a column about the ongoing Republican primaries — a dual-debate wrap-up, where each of the candidates goes from here, why Mitt Romney’s hair seems to be graying from the sides and nowhere else, etc. Really I was. But at this point, there’s not much new to say. Gingrich has joined his waistline in going kamikaze, Romney is touting a labor proposal (“Right to Work”) that’s getting Scott Walker run out of Wisconsin on a rail, and Rick Santorum continues to obsess over gay men’s buttholes to a disconcerting, hilarious degree. To get anything original out of this, I would have had to resort to equating each candidate to a professional wrestler or something (in case you’re wondering, Romney is John Cena and Ron Paul is Scott Steiner’s steroidshriveled nutsack), and I refuse to recycle a column until I’m relatively sure you’ve forgotten about it. Luckily, I chanced upon another sprawling allegory: the film industry. You see, much like Republican politics, the biggest budgets and widest coverage are given to the most goose-f***ing crazy elements (i.e., “Transformers 2”/Santorum), while more

coherent fare (“Norwegian Wood”/John Huntsman) is relegated to weekend-only, arthouse showings. And if you’re like me, you start to get antsy around this time of year for the next 12 months’ lineup of films. If you’re even more like me, you’re about to move to Wisconsin in the dead of winter, and your state of mind must be called into question. Therefore, I’ve run down the 10 Most Insane Upcoming Films of 2012. I’ve divided them into “good” and “bad” insane, so you’ll know what kind of drugs to take before you go and see them. This week, the good:

“Coriolanus,” directed by and starring Ralph Fiennes. Also starring Gerard Butler, Vanessa Redgrave, and Brian Cox. “Coriolanus” is one of Shakespeare’s most obscure, least-produced plays. It’s still brilliant, but for comparison, this is like Van Morrison covering Chuck Berry’s “Dinga-Ling.” On paper, just, why? Then the brain-bleeding awesome starts to show itself. First, the poster looks like the savage stare-down that occurs between Fiennes and Butler when they realize they both came to the costume party dressed as Kratos from “God of War.” And the trailer looks amazing: explosions, political intrigue, probably fascism and more. I mean, it’s Voldemort and Leonidas going head-to-head. This thing sells itself!

“Hansel & Gretel: Witch Hunters,” directed by Tommy Wirkola. Starring Jeremy Renner and Peter Stormare. Let me just outline the pedigree of this one: Jeremy Renner (“The Hurt Locker,” “The Avengers,” “Mission: Impossible-Ghost Protocol,” “The Bourne Legacy,” etc.) and his sister are now expert witch hunters in a film directed by the guy that gave us Nazi/zombie/titty mash-up “Dead Snow,” and he’s either going up against or getting help from Stormare, who you know as every vaguely European villain that Rade Serbedzija doesn’t play. That excruciating pain and pleasure you just felt was your balls exploding and thanking me at the same time. “The Raven,” directed by James McTeigue. Starring John Cusack and Luke Evans. I get the feeling that John Cusack is who Nicolas Cage wants to be when he grows up. He’s awkward, has a darkness about him, can be funny when he wants to be and is the sort of handsome that no one would ever acknowledge. And that’s why he’s the perfect choice for this meta-horror mind-screw, playing an Edgar Allen Poe who acts as special advisor to the police when a killer begins to model his crimes on those described in Poe’s own stories. McTeigue directed “V for Vendetta” so, regardless of what esteem in which you hold that film, you know the man’s got a flair for visuals and knows how to maintain a pace. My poet friends will hate me, but I’m seeing this on opening night, punching people dressed as the Crow. “Albert Nobbs,” directed by Rodrigo Garcia. Starring Glenn Close, Brendan Gleeson and Mia Wasikowska. On some level, I have mixed feelings about this. Glenn Close ranks second only to Helen Mirren in the chocolate-and-strawberries column on my bucket list, so seeing her in full reverse drag for an entire two hours could wreak potential, confusing havoc on my libido. Close plays a woman who passes as a man in order to acquire decent work as a butler in 19th century London, while decades of such living find her at a middle ground of gender. The film raises questions and explores issues relating to love, sexuality, class and labor, and it seems that Oscar voters are already taking the bait. Someday I’ll show this to a class of college freshmen, and they’ll hate me for it. “The Ballad of Genesis & Lady Jaye,” directed by Marie Losier. Documentary. Genesis (born Neil Andrew Megason) was a driving force behind influential bands Throbbing Gristle and Psychic TV. Though sex changes per se were never conducted, he and wife Jacqueline Mary Breyer began in 1995 to undergo a vast array of cosmetic surgeries in order to physically resemble one another — to each literally exist within the other. Depending on how you look at it, it’s either a bizarre arthouse flick that takes full advantage of hot-button gender bending, or one of our age’s great visual love songs. See it and decide. I’m going to. ASU and Metro Spirit alum Josh Ruffin is a published journalist and poet, who just received his MFA from Georgia College & State University. He was once the most un-intimidating bouncer at Soul Bar.

METRO SPIRIT 01.12.12 11

ADDENDUM

By Patrick Berry / Edited by Will Shortz 94 Bad experience 96 Late sixth-century year 99 Jungle king’s jeans and overalls? 102 Looked intently 104 Knocked on the noggin 105 Rainy day planner? 106 Twelve Oaks neighbor 108 Pac-12 athlete 109 Restaurant greeter’s option 110 Ennui among quantum physicists? 114 Go on a shopping spree 115 Savings plan, briefly 116 Dessert delivered over the Internet? 117 Brouhahas 118 Cowlick fixer 119 Monster of Jewish folklore 120 The Big Board, for short DOWN 1 “What a load of hogwash!” 2 Jimi Hendrix’s debut single 3 Set out 4 Stray from righteousness 5 Refuse to release 6 Low-pH compound 7 Go to the tape? 8 “___ hath an enemy called Ignorance”: Ben Jonson 9 Negative conjunction 10 Conjecture 11 It’s good in Italy 12 Pal of Huck Finn 13 Swirly marbles 14 “The Big Sleep” co-star, 1946 15 Funny Boosler 16 They’re exchanged in France 17 Candy eaten in handfuls 19 “Praying” part of a praying mantis 20 Master 24 Pixar title character 29 Best-selling author who wrote “I did not write it. God wrote it. I merely did his dictation” 31 Downswing 32 They’re heavy during storms 33 Sample 34 Injury symptom 36 Reception room in a mansion 37 Rare craps roll 40 Sharp nails 41 Through 42 “The Big Bang Theory” network 43 Sports Illustrated’s Sportsman of the

Century 44 Creamy Italian side dish 46 One taking a bow in Japan 47 Smoothie ingredient 48 Homme’s partner 49 Travel by car 50 ___ Quijano (Don Quixote’s real name) 51 Deleting 52 “___ got a feeling …” 53 What’s in an Rx 55 Leaning 60 Words to live by 61 Garden spot 62 Lash of old westerns 63 Hides in the shadows 67 In olden times 69 When doubled, ardent 70 Diamonds, to a yegg 72 Einstein’s birthplace 73 NATO alphabet vowel 74 Hosp. diagnostic aid 75 Ability to identify Zener cards 77 Lacking a coat, maybe 78 ___ de vie 82 Fill, and then some 83 Big name in Champagne 84 Easily drawn gun 87 One of the music industry’s Big Four 88 Kick out 89 If everything goes your way 90 Cut-rate 91 Fierce, as an argument 92 Weather Channel newsmaker 93 Wicked ones 94 About ready to drop 95 Square 97 Badly made 98 Says no to 100 Catch 101 R. J. Reynolds brand 102 Like three of golf’s four majors 103 “Philadelphia” director 106 Greenish blue 107 Having the knack 110 Chinese zodiac animal 111 Smoke 112 Sort who’s a natural leader, supposedly 113 Great time

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PREVIOUSPUZZLEANSWERS

ACROSS 1 Many college profs 5 Food preserver 10 Sandwich choice, for short 13 Crosswise to the keel 18 Pool ball’s “Watch this!” comment? 21 Arles affirmative 22 Onetime first name in Israeli politics 23 High-mounted window you can’t stop looking at? 25 “Come ___?” 26 Steely Dan album featuring “Deacon Blues” 27 Traveled by bus 28 Thin blue line? 29 Resisted a job offer, say 30 Go downhill 32 Part of a watch touching the breastbone? 35 End of many a list 36 Camper’s canful 38 She’s entertaining 39 Heist planner’s concern 41 Wedding part 42 Ceiling 45 Strong winds 46 “You don’t have to be busy to look busy,” e.g.? 54 Squished bug, e.g. 56 [I’m so funny!] 57 Go all to pieces 58 Antipasto tidbit 59 Pill that relieves computer-related anxiety? 63 High 64 Bring in 65 History topic 66 “I think,” to texters 68 Empire State Building climber, for short 69 Holds under the tap 71 Inhuman group of golfers? 76 Behaved 77 1988 Summer Olympics site 79 Handbag monogram 80 “A Love Like ___” (Barbra Streisand album) 81 Sultan’s wife, perhaps? 83 Sends up 85 Thank you for waiting 86 Reed of rock 87 “1984” superstate 89 Desperately want

A T A D U B A L L L E P A C K C H I I T E A T R N E G R S A G E E T E D A L T I M Z O M A P I B N E W S T I K H Z

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A G A Z E I N R U I N S D O I T N OW G O M O C E A L L S M I L E S A B A T E P B Y T E S S O A F A C T O R S M A C D OW E L I I C I N G D I N E D I N G E R B R E S P M A N M A G I T A T E H I R T I W A B R E I N O S D O A S M O N G O C H E E S E D I M O M S N O S L T O N T R I E S T S S S

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M Y S A T S S I T R S O C L A B N A A D I G E S A F T I B P U G P O R

I T C H U O K O O N WO O P I A K O T M I N E X T E A M C A R N U T A A P T I V D O T T E U S E E R N S A U S H R E F F E C T A A S I X L B R P E A Y T H E B T A S T Y A R I F L I D A E Q E T

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12 METRO SPIRIT 01.12.12

V. 23 | NO. 02

GREGBAKER

Words (and Competition) With Friends

AUGUSTATEK

While going along in our day-to-day lives, whether you are into technology or not, sometimes you come across something that isn’t mind blowing. It’s not revolutionary. It’s nothing that is going to change your life. It’s just fun. And so it happened this past week while my wife and I were watching TV. Well, I was watching… my wife was glued to her iPhone. To be honest, this is not an atypical occurrence. My wife will often spend much of her evening participating in the perpetual Junior League meeting-byemail that has been going on since 2002. Tonight, however, she seemed to be doing something different, so I threw out a catchphrase from our family’s favorite “Phineas & Ferb” character: “What ‘cha doing?” It turns out her family had discovered Zynga’s Words With Friends. It’s a knock off of Scrabble that’s played on Apple and Android mobile devices. Each player sees a copy of the board on their device and plays letters just as you would in regular Scrabble. On this evening, my wife had three games going simultaneously. The first being against her sister in Austin (which she was winning handily); the second against her sister in Raleigh (in which she was getting killed… more on that later); and the third against my grandmother in Evans (all square). So of course, I load the app on my phone, and my wife and I spend the rest of the evening sitting on the couch staring at our phones. One of the benefits of a smartphone is the ability to connect to the internet and the wealth of information that’s out there. So while engaged in a heated match down by 27 points and staring at the letters “AEREUZA,” it occurs to me that I might be able to Google some help. Did you know that there are multiple websites dedicated to finding Scrabble words? (Neither did I.) And just like that my pathetic draw of letters turned into a 48-point play. At first, my wife was very complimentary of my improvement. But after several sixletter words in a row, I could tell that she was starting to get a little frustrated. “How do you and my sister keep getting all these great words?” It’s interesting, the little relationship tests that pop up from time to time. Of course I knew the right thing to say. After all, she’s the love of my life. The mother of my children. The woman who has been with me through good and bad. The one with whom I want to spend the rest of my life. And so I responded appropriately. “Just lucky, I guess.” Well, you know how long that lasted. We’ve been together long enough for her to know that I’m just not that good at Scrabble. But, really, is what I did so wrong? After all, we allow technology to improve performance in other activities. How is using a resource like scrabblefinder.com any different than using graphite shafts or metal woods? Isn’t it good to open up the game to those that don’t possess a high alphabetic aptitude? Plus, Kari beat her sister by 40 points in their last game. Until next time, I’ll see you on the internet @gregory_a_baker. L8R. Gregory A. Baker, Ph.D., is vice president and chief rocket scientist for CMA, which provides information technology services to CSRA businesses and nonprofits. V. 23 | NO. 02

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ERICJOHNSON

Looking Ahead

Augusta’s lead salesman looks toward 2012

“At this point, I think most of the initiatives that I’m really focused on are either completed or in progress,” he says. “For the next three years, which I know will go by quickly, my primary focus is going to be creating jobs and opportunity.” While many have criticized Copenhaver’s positive governing style as doing little to push a forward a political agenda or deal with the messy detail involved in governing a southern city the size of Augusta, Copenhaver has never backed away from his progrowth, pro-business stance. “I’ve worked with our local economic development organizations since taking office to help businesses here and help grow the local economy, but at the end of the day, I see myself as lead salesman for the city,” he says. “I’ve had a background in sales and real

estate development, and the one thing I share with people is that you’re never going to sell a product if you claim it’s inferior.” Dwelling too much on the negatives, he says, does nothing to help grow the economy and has a detrimental effect to the positive message he’s trying to move forward, especially his new technology initiative that will focus on growing Augusta’s tech sector. That money, funded by a $100,000 line item in the approved budget and doubled by a matching grant from the private sector, will go toward studying ways in which Augusta might not only nurture the creation of tech businesses, but keep those that develop here from leaving for greener pastures. “We have all the resources to have a thriving technology sector, but a lot of them have existed in silos,” he

progressive fashion and willing to work together,” he says. “That’s the best case scenario for the city as a whole.” And though at times that kind of shared vision has seemed impossible, he says it hasn’t always felt so impossible to achieve. “Remember, 2010 was a pretty good year for the commission, and that’s what the public wants to see,” he says. “When I’m out there interacting with the man on the street at the Family Y or at any number of given places on a daily basis, the vast majority of people want to see the commissioners work together, but sometimes they just get distracted by rabble rousers on the extremes.”

MIKE FREIHEIT

Though he’s still got most of three years left as mayor of Augusta, when Deke Copenhaver talks about the upcoming year, he sounds like a man on the way out.

says. “There’s so much that we have to work with, but we need to get those resources out of the silos and have somebody ultimately brought in to see how we can leverage what we’ve got.” He hopes to have things up and running within the next couple of months. As for the commission, Copenhaver says he’s hoping for the best this year. “It’s going to be an interesting year, because we’ve got five commission seats up,” he says. “I’m sure some people will be focused on running for office.” Although an election year can sometimes lead to a lot of political posturing, Copenhaver says the voters’ interested gaze often keeps commissioners in check. But given the racial tensions that ran throughout 2011, does he expect the potential change in the racial makeup of the commission to have an effect on the way the city does business? “I just want to see 10 people that are looking to the future thinking in a

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V. 23 | NO. 02

ENTERTAINMENT photographers. Call 706-724-7501 or visit themorris.org. From Mild to Wild, an exhibit by Ron Buttler, shows through January 30 at Hitchcock Health Center in Aiken, and features oil landscapes and mixed media. Call 803-278-0709 or visit aikenartistguild.org. John Glave Photography Exhibit shows through January 30 at Aiken Center for the Arts, and features an opening reception Thursday, January 12, from 6-8 p.m. Call 803-278-0709 or visit aikenartistguild.org. The Annual Quilt Exhibition has been extended until January 31 at The Lucy Craft Laney Museum of Black History. Call 706-724-3576 or visit lucycraftlaneymuseum.com. Working South: Paintings and Sketches by Mary Whyte shows through March 11 at the Morris Museum of Art. Call 706724-7501 or visit themorris.org.

Music

Jason Crabb and His Family will perform at the Sanctuary Church on Thursday, January 12, at 7 p.m. $25, lower level; $15, upper level. Tickets can be purchased at the church’s bookstore or by calling 706-364-8284. Even if you can’t make it to D.C. to see his imposing new memorial, you can still celebrate Martin Luther King Jr. Day with several events going on around town, including one at Reid Memorial and “Pickin,” a production of the Augusta Mini Theatre, on Thursday, January 12; a celebration at Paine College on Friday, January 13; a special program on Saturday, January 14, at the Headquarters Library that includes a quiz; a banquet on Monday, January 16; and a special story time at the Headquarters Library on Tuesday, January 17. Find more information on each event in the calendar.

Arts

Art at Lunch: Dave the Potter and the Edgefield Tradition is Friday, January 13, at noon at the Morris Museum of Art, and features a discussion of artist, poet and slave Dave Drake. $10 for members; $14 for non-members. Lunch by Honey from the Rock Cafe. Pre-registration required. Call 706-724-7501 or visit themorris.org. Artist Workshop: Watercolor Techniques with Kuhlke, Morris and Swanson begins Saturday, January 14, from noon-4 p.m. at the Morris Museum of Art, and continues for two consecutive Saturdays. Lessons focus on different watercolor techniques and styles. Materials included. $120 for members; $140 for non-members. Preregistration required. Call 706-724-7501 or visit themorris.org. V. 23 | NO. 02

Sunday Sketch is Sunday, January 15, from 2-3:30 p.m., at the Morris Museum of Art. Free. Materials supplied by the museum. Call 706-724-7501 or visit themorris.org. Day of Art, hosted by the North Augusta Artists Guild, is each Tuesday from 11 a.m.-3 p.m. at the Arts and Heritage Center and includes a group of artists painting in the center who will answer questions or allow visitors to join in. Call 803-441-4380 or visit artsandheritagecenter.com. Winter Classes, for adults and teens ranging in subject from visual arts to bridge and yoga, begin in January and run through the end of March at the Aiken Center for the Arts. Preregistration, which is required for all

classes, is going on now. Call 803-6419094 or visit aikencenterforthearts.org.

Exhibitions

The work of Nicholas Bass, Anna Patrick, Joey Hart, Ethan Brock and Heather Warren shows through the month of January. Visit skycityaugusta.com. Lenn Hopkins exhibit opens Thursday, January 12, with a reception from 5-7 p.m. at Sacred Heart Cultural Center, and features work inspired by images and lifestyles of the rural south. The exhibit shows through February 29. Call 706-8264700 or visit sacredheartaugusta.org. Local Color: Photography of the South shows through January 29 at the Morris Museum of Art, and features work by some of the South’s most important

Doric String Quartet performs Saturday, January 14, at 7:30 p.m. at Jabez Sanford Hardin Performing Arts Center in Evans. $15. Presented by the Bank of America Columbia County Music Series. Call 706826-4705 or visit soaugusta.org. Music at the Morris: The Galen Kipar Project is Sunday, January 15, at 2 p.m. at the Morris Museum of Art, and features a blend of folk, classical, jazz and blues into original compositions. Free. Call 706-724-7501 or visit themorris.org. The Salvation Army School of the Performing Arts holds classes each Tuesday. Included is instruction in piano, drums, guitar, voice and brass. Call 706364-4069 or visit krocaugusta.org. Damira Feldman performs the 2012 Winter Nocturne Thursday, January 19, at 7 p.m. at USC-Aiken’s Etherredge Center. $15. Proceeds benefit the USC-Aiken music department. Call 803-641-3305 or visit usca.edu/ec. METRO SPIRIT 01.12.12 15

Literary

Nook tutorials at Barnes and Noble in the Augusta Mall are each Saturday beginning at noon, followed by a Nookcolor tutorial at 12:30 p.m. Free. Call 706-737-0012 or visit bn.com. Genealogy Book Talk and Signing is Saturday, January 14, at 2 p.m. at Headquarters Branch Library, and features Barbara Seaborn, author of “As Long as the River Runs.” Call 706-8212600 or visit ecgrl.org.

American Academy of Dramatic Arts Workshop is Friday, January 13-Saturday, January 14, at Aiken Community Playhouse. $50-$75. Call Vivian Johnson at 803-648-1438. “Wrong Window” is Friday, January 13-Saturday, January 14, at 8 p.m. at Aiken Community Playhouse, and continues the following two weekends in January. $35. Call 803-648-1438 or visit aikencommunityplayhouse.com.

Aiken’s Premiere Wedding Celebration is Saturday, January 14, from 10 a.m.-4 p.m. at USC-Aiken Convocation Center, and features a free wedding giveaway for one couple. Call 803-643-6901 or visit uscatix.com.

Brown Bag Book Discussion is Thursday, January 19, at 11:30 a.m. at the Columbia County Library. Call 706-8631946 or visit ecgrl.org. Book Club meets Thursday, January 19, at 4 p.m. at Harlem Branch Library. Call 706-556-9795 or visit ecgrl.org. skate hard at augusta junior roller derby’s new eight-week boot camp beginning sunday, january 15

Poetry Matters is accepting entries through March 23 for their annual poetry contest. Cash prizes will be give out. Categories are middle and high school, adults and seniors. Visit poetrymatterscelebration.com.

“The Princess and the Pea” is Wednesday, January 18, at 9:30 a.m. and 10:30 a.m. at Augusta State University’s Maxwell Theatre. $3. Call 706-737-1625 or visit aug.edu/pat.

Dance

Flix

Real Dance Music is every Thursday from 8-11 p.m. at Rosehill Estate in Aiken, and features jazz and party music. Call 803-648-11-81 or email stephen@ rosehillestate.com. Belly Dance Class is every Tuesday at 4 p.m. at Euchee Creek Branch Library. Call 706-556-0594 or visit ecgrl.org. Augusta International Folk Dance Club meets Tuesday nights from 7:30-9:30 p.m. at the Augusta Ballet Studio on 2941 Walton Way. No partners needed. First visit free. Call Tim at 706-399-2477.

Theater

“Pickin” is Thursday, January 12, at 8 p.m., at the Judith Simon Drama Studio, 2548 Deans Bridge Road, and features an original play to salute the work of Dr. Martin Luther King, Jr. Call 706-7220598 or visit augustaminitheatre.com. 16 METRO SPIRIT 01.12.12

Weekly Wine Tastings at Vineyard Wine Market in Evans are each Friday from 4:30-6:30 p.m. and each Saturday from 1-6 p.m. Call 706-922-9463 or visit vine11.com. CSRA Humane Society monthly meeting is Saturday, January 14, at 10 a.m. at the Pet Center on Wood Street. Visit csrahumanesociety.org/index.html.

CSRA Writers meet Monday, January 16, at 6:30 p.m. at Georgia Military College in Martinez. Writers are invited to attend and bring eight copies of a manuscript for critique. Call Steve Fox at 706-836-7315.

Call for Authors! Headquarters Branch Library is hosting its inaugural Augusta Literary Festival March 3 and is looking for authors to read and sell their published work. Visit ecgrl.org.

Martin Luther King, Jr. Celebration is Friday, January 13, at noon at GilbertLambuth Memorial Chapel at Paine College, and features guest speaker Sylvia Russell. Call 706-737-1610 or visit paine.edu.

“Lenny” shows Tuesday, January 17, at 6:30 p.m. at Headquarters Branch Library. Rated R. Call 706-821-2600 or visit ecgrl.org.

Special Events

Second Annual Jimmie Dyess Symposium is Thursday, January 12, at 5 p.m. at the Augusta Museum of History, and features remarks by Major General Perry Smith and the presentation of the symposium’s American Award. Call 706-722-8454 or visit augustamuseum.org. Martin Luther King program, presented by the Progressive Religious Coalition, is Thursday, January 12, at 6:45 p.m. at Reid Memorial on Walton Way, and features speaker Dr. Raphael G. Warnock, pastor of Atlanta’s Ebenezer Baptist Church, and music by The Augusta Chorale and Davidson Fine Arts Chorale. Call 706-825-0763.

38th Annual Martin Luther King, Jr. Freedom Fund Banquet is Monday, January 16, at 6:30 p.m. at the Doubletree Hotel, and features speaker Alethea R. Bonella. $50. Pre-registration required. Sponsored by the NAACP, Augusta Branch. Call 706-724-0390. Friends of the Museum Lecture Series: History of Aiken-A Beautiful Story begins Tuesday, January 17, at 10 a.m. at the Aiken County Historical Museum. This four-week series continues through February. $25 for members; $30 for non-members. Call 803-642-2015 or visit aikencountyhistoricalmuseum.org. Tours of the Boyhood Home of President Woodrow Wilson are Tuesday-Saturday from 10 a.m.-4 p.m. on the hour at 415 Seventh Street. $3-$5; free for children under 5. Groups of 10 or more need a reservation. Call 706-724-0436 or visit historicaugusta.org. Third Thursday Wine Tasting is Thursday, January 19, from 5-8 p.m. at Wine World in North Augusta. Call 803-279-9522 or visit wineworldsc.com. Jerry Seinfeld is Thursday, January 19, at 7 p.m. at Bell Auditorium. $45-$75. Call 877-4AUGTIX or visit georgialinatix.com. “A Pair of Nuts” is Thursday, January 19, at 7 p.m. at Fort Gordon’s Alexander Hall, Building 29805, Chamberlain Avenue, and features an award-winning comedy sketch duo. Show is not appropriate for children. Free. Limited seating. Doors open at 6:30 p.m. Call 706-793-8552 or

email steven.r.walpert.naf@mail.mil.

Health

Short and Sweet begins Thursday, January 12, from 9 a.m.-4:30 p.m. at Doctors Hospital, and features a weekend childbirth class. Preregistration required. Call 706-651BABY or visit doctors-hospital.net. Joint Efforts, presented by Trinity Hospital of Augusta, meets every Thursday from 11-11:45 a.m. at Augusta Bone and Joint, and features a free seminar about knee and hip pain, treatments, medication, food and exercise. Call 706481-7604 or visit trinityofaugusta.com. Car Seat Class, sponsored by Georgia Health Sciences Children’s Medical Center, is Thursday, January 12, from 5:45-8 p.m. at Building 1010C, 1225 Walton Way. $10. Financial assistance available for Medicaid and Peach Care eligible families. Call 706-721-7606 or visit georgiahealth.org/kids. The Weight Is Over: Weight Loss Seminar, featuring Dr. Christopher Gates, is Thursday, January 12, from 6-7 p.m. at Doctors Hospital (South Tower, Classroom 1). Free. Pre-registration required. Call 706-651-LIVE or visit doctors-hospital.net. Infant CPR Anytime Learning Program will be held Thursdays at 6:30 p.m. at the first floor information desk (west entrance) of MCGHealth. Visit georgiahealth.edu. Babies, Bumps and Bruises is Thursday, January 12, from 7-9 p.m. at Doctors Hospital (Suite 310, Medical Office Building 1). Pre-registration required. Call 706-651-BABY or visit doctorshospital.net. Weight Loss Seminar, sponsored by Georgia Health Sciences University, is Thursday, January 12, at 7 p.m. at the Columbia County Library. Free. Pre-registration required. Call 706721-2609 or visit georgiahealth.org/ weightloss. Women’s Center Tour is Thursday, January 12, from 7-9:30 p.m. at University Hospital’s obby. Free. Preregistration required. Call 706-7742825 or visit universityhealth.org. Multiple Sclerosis and Parkinson Disease Aquatics Class meets every Monday and Friday at noon at the Wilson Family Y. Free for members; $3 for non-members. V. 23 | NO. 02

Pre-registration required. Call Claudia Collins at 706-922-9664 or visit thefamilyy.org. Weekend Childbirth Education is Friday, January 13-Saturday, January 14, from 6:30-9:30 p.m. (Friday) and 9 a.m.-5:30 p.m. (Saturday) at University Hospital Education Center (third floor). The program features childbirth preparation, a tour of the Women’s Center and a question and answer, and review session. Free. Pre-registration required. Call 706774-2825 or visit universityhealth.org. Saturday Express Lamaze Childbirth Preparation is Saturday, January 14, from 8:30 a.m.-3 p.m. at Trinity Hospital of Augusta. Visit trinityofaugusta.com. Childbirth Tours are Saturday, January 14, from 10:30-11:30 a.m. at Georgia Health Sciences Medical Center (seventh Floor, Labor and Delivery). Pre-registration required. Call Carla Allen at 706-7219351 or visit georgiahealth.org. Total Joint Replacement Class is Tuesday, January 17, from 1-3 p.m. at University Hospital (Levi Hill III Auditorium). Call April Matthews at 706-774-2760 or visit universityhealth.org. Breastfeeding Class is Tuesday, January 17, from 7-9 p.m. at Georgia Health Sciences Medical Center (West Entrance, Patient and Family Resource Library). Free. Call 706-721-9351 or visit georgiahealth.org. Understanding Lipids is Wednesday, January 18, at 8:25 a.m., 9:25 a.m. and 1:55 p.m. at University’s Heart and Vascular Institute (Classroom 2, first floor). Pre-registration required. Call 706774-3278 or visit universityhealth.org. Baby 101 is Thursday, January 19, at 4:45 p.m. and 7 p.m. at Doctors Hospital (Suite 310, Medical Office Building One). Pre-registration required. Call 706-651BABY or visit doctors-hospital.net. Breastfeeding class, sponsored by University Hospital, is Thursday, January 19, from 7-9 p.m. at Babies R Us in Evans. Pre-registration required. Call 706-7742825 or visit universityhealth.org. A Call to Action: Implementing EvidenceBased Nursing Practice is Saturday, January 21, from 8 a.m.-4 p.m. at Georgia Health Sciences Health Sciences Building, 987 St. Sebastian Way, and features keynote speaker Dr. Ruth Kleinpell, director of the Center for Clinical Research V. 23 | NO. 02

at Rush University Medical Center and professor at Rush University College of Nursing. Attendees are eligible for seven contact hours from the Georgia Nurses Association. Pre-registration: $50-$75. Deadline for mail-in registration is January 16. Visit georgiahealth.edu/medicine/ ahactc/ebp.html. Adapted Wii Special Populations, available by appointment at the Wilson Family Y, features individual ½-hour classes for physically and developmentally challenged individuals of all ages. $10, members; $20, nonmembers. Call Claudia Collins at 706922-9662 or visit thefamilyy.org.

Support

ALS Support Lunch and Learn is Thursday, January 12, from 11 a.m.2 p.m. at Georgia Health Sciences Medical Office Building, 1446 Harper Street (Room 4306). Pre-registration required. Call 706-721-2681 or visit georgiahealth.org. Breast Cancer Support Group meets Thursday, January 12, from 5:307:30 p.m. at Georgia Health Sciences Cancer Center (First Floor, Community Room). Call 706-721-4109 or visit georgiahealth.org. Mended Hearts meets Friday, January 13, from 10:30 a.m.-1:30 p.m. at USCAiken’s Business Conference Center, and offers support for heart disease patients, and their families, caregivers and doctors. Call 803-642-6897. Narcotics Anonymous, sponsored by Trinity Hospital of Augusta, meets Fridays and Sundays at 7:30 p.m. Call 706-855-2419. AA Meets every Sunday and Wednesday at 7:15 p.m. at Aiken Regional Medical Center (Aurora Pavilion), and features an open discussion. Call 800-322-8322 or visit aikenregional.com. Look Good… Feel Better is Monday, January 16, from 1-2:30 p.m. at Aiken Regional’s Cancer Care Institute of Carolina, and is designed to help female cancer patients cope with appearancerelated side effects of chemotherapy and radiation treatments. Pre-registration required. Call 803-641-6044 or visit aikenregional.com. Essential Tremors Support Group meets Monday, January 16, at 2 p.m. at St. Paul’s Lutheran Church in Aiken. Call 803-2260338 or visit aikenregional.com. Burn Support Group meets Tuesday,

January 17, at 10:30 a.m. at Doctors Hospital (Lori Rogers Nursing Library, JMS Building). Call Tim Dorn at 706-6516660 or visit doctors-hospital.net. Moms Connection, a free support group for new mothers and their babies, meets Tuesdays from 1-2 p.m. at Georgia Health Sciences Building 1010C. Call 706-7219351 or visit georgiahealth.org. Prostate Cancer Support Group meets Tuesday, January 17, from 6-7 p.m. at Georgia Health Sciences Cancer Center (Community Room). Call 706-721-0550 or visit georgiahealth.org. Prostate Cancer Support Group, sponsored by University Hospital, meets Tuesday, January 17, from 7-8:30 p.m at Augusta Technical College (Building 600, Room 612). Free. Pre-registration required. Call 706-868-8758. Trauma Support Group meets Wednesday, January 18, from noon-1 p.m. at Georgia Health Sciences Medical Center (Room 4069, West Conference Room). Call 706-721-4633 or visit georgiahealth.org.

processing software. Call 706-772-2432 or visit ecgrl.org. Aquinas High School Open House is Thursday, January 12, from 5-8:30 p.m. at the school, 1920 Highland Avenue. Call 706-736-5516 or visit aquinashigh.org. Starting Your Own Business is Thursday, January 12, at 6 p.m. at the Augusta Small Business Development Center, 7 N. Chestnut Street. Pre-registration due by January 10 at 5 p.m. Call 706-721-4545. Introduction to Computers Class is Thursday, January 12, at 6 p.m. at Wallace Branch Library. Call 706-7226275 or visit ecgrl.org. Consumer Credit: Credit Management Class is Thursday, January 12, at 6:30 p.m. at the Columbia County Library. Call 706-863-1946 or visit ecgrl.org. Augusta Christian Schools Open House is Thursday, January 12, at 7 p.m. at the school, 313 Baston Road in Martinez. Call 706-863-2905 or visit augustachristian.org.

Spine Education and Support Group is Wednesday, January 18, from 1-2:30 p.m. at University Hospital (Levi Hill III Auditorium). Call April Matthews at 706774-2780 or visit universityhealth.org.

See WSA Day, including a tour of Westminster Schools of Augusta for interested students and families, is each Friday in January at 9:30 a.m. at the school’s Pamplin Hall. Call Aimee Lynch at 706-731-5260 or visit wsa.net.

Alzheimer’s Support Group-North Augusta, sponsored by University Hospital, meets Wednesday, January 18, from 6-7 p.m. at First Baptist Church in North Augusta. Call 803-278-5611.

Intermediate Spreadsheets class begins Friday, January 13, at 10 a.m. at Diamond Lakes Branch Library, and continues for two consecutive Fridays. Call 706-722-2432 or visit ecgrl.org.

Alzheimer’s Disease Support GroupWestwood meets Thursday, January 19, at 3 p.m. at Westwood Nursing Facility in Evans. Free. Call 706-863-7514.

Immigration Panel Discussion is Sunday, January 15, at 4 p.m. at the Augusta Jewish Community Center. Panelists will discuss causes and results of immigration and literary influences on “Emma Lazarus.” Call 706-868-1974 or visit augustajcc.org.

Blood Cancer and Stem Cell Support Group meets Thursday, January 19, from 5:30-7 p.m. at Georgia Health Sciences Cancer Center (Community Room). Call 706-721-1634 or visit georgiahealth.org. Skip to my Lupus meets Thursday, January 19, from 7-9 p.m. at Aiken Regional (Dining Room A). Call 803-2519413 or visit aikenregional.com.

Education

Microsoft PowerPoint Classes begin Thursday, January 12, at 10 a.m. at Diamond Lakes Branch Library, and continue for two consecutive Thursdays. Participants must have general knowledge of computing and word

GED classes are offered every Monday and Thursday at 9:30 a.m. and 6 p.m. at the Headquarters Branch Library (Third Floor Writing Lab). Pre-registration not required. You must have a PINES library card. Call Charles Garrick at 803-2793363 or visit ecgrl.org. One Book, One Community Discussion is Tuesday, January 17, at 7 p.m. at the Augusta Jewish Community Center, and features a discussion of “Emma Lazarus.” Call 706-868-1974 or visit augustajcc.org. METRO SPIRIT 01.12.12 17

Open Lab is Wednesday, January 18, at Headquarters Branch Library. A PINES card is required. Call 706-821-2604 or visit ecgrl.org. Ebooks and Georgia Download Destination class is Wednesday, January 18, at 10 a.m. at Diamond Lakes Branch Library. Call 706-722-2432 or visit ecgrl.org. ESL classes are offered every Wednesday at 6 p.m. at Headquarters Branch Library (Third Floor Writing Lab). Pre-registration required. Call Charles Garrick at 803-2793363 or visit ecgrl.org. Microsoft PowerPoint classes begin Thursday, January 19, at 10 a.m. at Diamond Lakes Branch Library, and continue for two consecutive Thursdays. Participants must have general knowledge of computing and word processing software. Call 706-772-2432 or visit ecgrl.org. Searching the Internet computer class is Thursday, January 19, at 11 a.m. at Appleby Branch Library. Call 706-7366244 or visit ecgrl.org. Lower School Open House is Thursday, January 19, at 6:30 p.m. at Westminster Schools of Augusta (Pamplin Hall), and features curriculum and financial aid information for interested students in grades Pre-K-5, tours and an opportunity to meet with teachers and current WSA parents. Pre-registration required. Call 706-731-5260, ext. 2220, or email admissions@wsa.net.

Sports-Outdoors

The Augusta Fencers Club is open five nights a week from 5:30-9 p.m. and most Saturday mornings from 10 a.m.-noon. Visitors always welcome. Call 706-722-8878.

Riverview Disc Golf League meets each Thursday at 6 p.m. at Riverview Park in North Augusta. $5 entry fee and $1 ace pool. Call 803-215-8181 or visit augustadiscgolf.com. Road Bike Ride meets each Thursday at 6:30 p.m. at Andy Jordan’s Bicycle Warehouse downtown for an approximately 25-mile ride at a moderate to fast pace. Front and rear lights, as well as a helmet, are required. Call 706724-6777 or visit andyjordans.com. Basic Horticulture Classes: Trees and Shrubs are Saturday, January 14, from 8:30 a.m.-4 p.m. at Aldersgate United Methodist Church, and features speakers Cathy Black, Suzanne Thomas and Laura Sheets, and a tour of Augusta State University. $25. Lunch and snacks included. Sponsored by the Augusta Council of Garden Clubs. Call Ginny Allen at 706-736-6793 or email vallenotr@ aol.com. Ancient Sky Lore is Saturday, January 14, at 7 p.m. at DuPont Planetarium, Ruth Patrick Science Education Center, in Aiken. $1-$4.50. Pre-registration encouraged. Call 803-641-3654 or visit rpsec.usca.edu/planetarium/. Augusta Riverhawks vs. Pensacola Ice Flyers hockey game is Saturday, January 14, at 7:35 p.m. at the James Brown Arena. $10-$18. Call 877-4AUGTIX or visit georgialinatix.com. Digistar Laser Fantasy is Saturday, January 14, at 8 p.m. at DuPont Planetarium, Ruth Patrick Science

Education Center, in Aiken. $1-$4.50. Pre-registration encouraged. Call 803-641-3654 or visit rpsec.usca.edu/ planetarium/.

Kids

Augusta Junior Roller Derby try-outs are Sunday, January 15, from 11 a.m.-1:15 p.m. at Redwing Rollerway. Open to ages 10-17. Equipment required. Visit facebook.com/augustajrrollerderby.

The Augusta Arsenal Soccer Club Junior Academy, for boys and girls ages 5-8, meets each Thursday at 5:30 p.m. at the Augusta Soccer Park. Call 706-854-0149 or visit augustasoccer.com.

Aiken Master Gardeners Lunchbox Lecture Series is Monday, January 16 from noon-1 p.m. at the Aiken County Agricultural Services Building, 1555 Richland Avenue, and features a talk by master gardener Betty Crowther. Free. Bring your own lunch. Call 803-6496297, ext. 122.

“Our Friend Martin” special program is Saturday, January 14, at 2 p.m. at Headquarters Branch Library, and features a civil rights leader quiz and refreshments, following the film. Call 706821-2600 or visit ecgrl.org.

Birds & Butterflies Nature Series: Identifying Backyard Birds seminar and tour is Tuesday, January 17, at 7 p.m. in downtown Aiken. $5. Pre-registration required. Call 803-649-7999. Nacho Mama’s Group Run is each Wednesday at 5:30 p.m., and features food and drinks afterwards. Three- and four-mile routes are available for all ages and abilities of runners. Call 706-414-4059 or email jim@enduranceconcepts.com. Youth Archery League meets Wednesdays, January 18-March 21, from 6:30-8:30 p.m. at the Odell Weeks Center in Aiken, and features lessons in history, safety and technique for ages 5-16, accompanied by an adult. $11 per session. Call 803-642-7631 or visit cityofaikensc.gov. 2012 Winter Blast 6v6 Soccer Tournament is Saturday, January 28-Sunday, January 29, at Lions Memorial Field in North Augusta, for youth and adults. $150 per team. Visit csrasoccer.blogspot.com.

Homeschool Playgroup meets each Thursday at 10:30 a.m. at Creighton Park in North Augusta. Call 803-613-0484.

Bevy the Clown visits Thursday, January 19, from 6:30-7:30 p.m. at Maxwell Branch Library, and features an hour of stories and fun. Call 706-793-2020 or visit ecgrl.org.

Volunteers

Volunteer Advocates for Victims of Sexual Assault Training is Thursday, January 19-Monday, January 23, at University Hospital. Times vary. Free. Call 706-7245200 or visit universityhealth.org Fort Gordon Dinner Theatre is looking for volunteers for stagework for “Children of Eden” Monday-Friday from 10 a.m.-5 p.m. and Saturdays from 10 a.m.-4 p.m. at Fort Gordon (3rd Avenue, Building 32100). Tools and supplies provided. Email Steven Walpert at steven.r.walpert. naf@mail.mil.

If you would like to see your organization’s events listed in our calendar, please email Amy Christian at amy@themetrospirit.com. The deadline for each Thursday’s issue is the previous Friday at noon.

DECLASSIFIED

Thursday Night Chain Reaction Ride begins at 6 p.m. each Thursday

at Patriots Park in Grovetown. For intermediate to fast-paced cyclists, who average 25-32 miles. Participants should bring their own water and helmet. Call 706-855-2024 or visit chainreactionbicycles.net.

(actual size) 1.5” x 1.9” Tall $40 per week 18 METRO SPIRIT 01.12.12

All declassified ads are Cash in Advance (credit card payment required) and are $40 per week. Visit metrospirit.com to place your ad in minutes. V. 23 | NO. 02

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TABLE of CONTENTS

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- WHAT’S YOUR WORKOUT?

- FUNCTIONAL FITNESS

- TOUGH IT OUT

- GROWING OLIVES IN GEORGIA

- OUT OF THE CLAY

- GUIDE TO PERSONAL TRAINERS

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One of the perks of doing what we do is we get to do what we want, how we want, when we want to. And we wanted to create a magazine focusing on living life with passion. Everyone you will meet in these pages is passionate about something real. That’s interesting to us. Hopefully you as well.

Want to advertise in the ELEMENTS? 706.496.2535 or 706.373.3636 AmyChristian|production director amy@themetrospirit.com

JoeWhite|publisher-sales manager joe@themetrospirit.com

GabrielVega|lead designer gabe@themetrospirit.com

BrendaCarter| account executive brenda@themetrospirit.com

EricJohnson|writer eric@themetrospirit.com

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LigéHaab|account executive lige@themetrospirit.com

COVER DESIGN | GABRIELVEGA Elements is a free magazine published monthly focusing on Mind, Body and Spirit. Published monthly by 15House, LLC. Owner/Publisher Joe White. Legal: Phillip Hibbard. Reproduction or use without permission is prohibited.

JANUARY 2012 ELEMENTS

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I run two miles and do 20 minutes of Pilates abs 2-3 times during the week (at 5 a.m., before the husband, kids and the sun rise) and on the weekends I run longer distances (according to my marathon training schedule). For my arms, I carry around a clingy 30 pound toddler.

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ELEMENTS JANUARY 2012

AMYCHRISTIAN

Functional Fitness CrossFit aims to improve the total body It would be completely understandable if you were a little intimidated upon stepping in the door of CrossFit Downtown Augusta. Trainers and trainees throw around terms like WOD, AMRAP and kipping. They also throw around medicine balls and sledgehammers. And their mascot is a bucket called Pukie. “It is for a lot of people. In fact, I’d say that’s our No. 1 holdup to business is the intimidation, which is why we try to be as welcoming as possible,” says co-owner Joshua Miller. “And that’s getting them in the door. Once they get in, they don’t want to leave.” Joshua opened CrossFit Downtown Augusta two years ago with his wife Julie, who says they’ve found a way to combat the training regimen’s intimidation factor. “That’s why we started the fundamentals class,” she says. “The fundamentals class is required unless the person has been a member at another CrossFit.” What is CrossFit? It is an exercise regimen that “specializes in not specializing,” according to crossfit. com. “That’s always a tough one,” Joshua admits, when asked to describe it. “It’s a core fitness program, and the improvements to your body are the added benefit but they’re not the primary goal when you come in. The primary goal is being able to do things in life without pain, with greater mobility. It’s about performance.”

JANUARY 2012 ELEMENTS

A CrossFit participant’s performance is honed through WODs, workouts of the day set forth by crossfit.com. WODs sometimes have names like Kelly,

Hidalgo or even Nasty Girls, and consist of a series of exercises performed in rapid succession, often for time. And it’s a good thing that Joshua and Julie require newcomers to take eight fundamentals classes before beginning a CrossFit regimen, because while some

of the exercises are self-explanatory, like running and pushups, others have names like burpee and wall ball shot. The intro classes give the couple a chance to show new participants how it’s done, as well as assess their fitness level. In other words, not everyone can do a WOD as prescribed (Rx is another common term in CrossFit), and whether you can or not really doesn’t matter. Popular with the military, firefighters, law enforcement and athletes, Joshua says that modifications make CrossFit just as accessible to others. “We have trained at least four people who work with Special Forces. One of them just came back to us after completing Green Beret training,” he says. “On the other end of the spectrum, we have pregnant women working out here. And we can modify the workouts. But we can also make them tough enough to make a Marine cry.” A class at CrossFit Downtown Augusta may begin at a certain time, but Joshua and Julie ask participants to get to the gym 15 minutes

prior to warm up. A standard CrossFit warmup exists, but modifications are listed on one of many door-sized white boards in the gym, just as the day’s WOD is. Since 70 percent of CrossFit workouts are timed and about half can be done in 20 minutes, once the Millers yell “go!” participants work at their own pace. “And we observe them as they workout, correcting any mistakes in form and watching to make sure their count is correct,” Joshua explains. “When they finish, they yell ‘time!’ The workouts may be 20 minutes, but those 20 minutes will leave you a worse mess than two hours on the elliptical.” Often described as functional fitness, the exercises that make up a CrossFit WOD work every part of the body. And while they may leave participants a mess initially, the goal is to give them greater abilities in everyday life. “CrossFit defines fitness a different way,” Joshua says. “When you come here you don’t just get strength [training] and cardio, you get accuracy, agility, speed and power. It just makes you more rounded as an athlete. And not everyone wants to be an athlete, but it’ll make you physically able to get through life.” That makes CrossFit perfect for anyone, Joshua says, again pointing out the gym’s pregnant client, as well as the wheelchair-bound cerebral palsy sufferer who also works out with the Millers. “We’ll work with anyone,” Joshua says. “Some people just need more attention than others and that’s just part of life.” CrossFit Downtown Augusta is located at 1350 Reynolds Street. For more information, call the Millers at 803-2925108 or visit focabjj.com/crossfit/index.

METRO SPIRIT 01.12.12

Tough It Out

Local athlete looks for a challenge, finds a lot more in Tough Mudder

Local Massage Therapist Julie Watson, 31, who works at Spa Bleu in Surrey Center, is making her first Tough Mudder appearance in Washington in February. “Well, I’ve always been an athlete, and I need a little bit of a challenge,”

she explained. “So friends of mine mentioned it to me and it’s kind of grown from there.” The Tough Mudder event is a roughly 11-mile course that should take on average three hours to finish. And it will definitely be challenging, so challenging

that Watson has a tough time pinning down what will be the most difficult part, although eventually she settles on a pretty good one. “The cold water,” she said. “You have to run through ice water… they put ice in there! The lake is already cold. You have to do incline and decline monkey bars and some of them are buttered. If you fall, you fall right into the ice water.” But the cold water won’t be the only part of this challenge, originally created by Will Dean, a former counter-terrorism agent for the British government. While getting his MBA at Harvard, Dean was inspired to start Tough Mudder out of frustration with unimaginative and repetitive marathons, triathlons, mud runs and other adventure runs. To Dean, apparently imaginative and sadistic are synonyms. “Another part is it’s a team effort, so you have to carry a big log on your shoulders with a bunch of other folks and run for two miles,” Watson said. “At the very end you have to run through

electrical wires. Some of them are hot, but they aren’t hot enough to kill you.” Designed to test all around strength, stamina, and mental grit, it is recommended that those interested in participating in the Washington Tough Mudder Challenge be running regularly (two or more times a week, working up to 5 miles per run), able to do 15-25 push-ups in a row, able to complete six pull-ups in a row (especially men) and able to swim 50 yards without stopping (although you can skip the water obstacles). Tough Mudder Challenge Saturday Aonia Pass MotoCross Park, Washington, Georgia Saturday-Sunday, February 11-12 $150 per person (must be 18) toughmudder.com

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ELEMENTS JANUARY 2012

ERICJOHNSON

Growing Olives in Georgia Premium olive oil could be the state’s next big product

When you think of Georgia agriculture, you probably conjure up the usual suspects — peaches, peanuts, cotton and maybe Vidalia onions. If one south Georgia farmer has his way, however, Georgia will soon be known for its highquality extra virgin olive oil. “We feel like the market is definitely there,” says Jason Shaw, whose Georgia Olive Farms in Lakeland is leading the charge. “Especially when you weigh in the fact that there’s nothing out there that’s close to being considered local.” Shaw says that more than 98 percent of the nation’s olive oil is imported. “The industry is still obviously brand new on the East Coast, so we’re hopeful that it’s going to be as successful as it appears that it can be,” he says. “And JANUARY 2012 ELEMENTS

we hope that more growers will want to plant olive trees, because we’re going to need more acreage to establish the kind of industry we hope to build here in the South.” Though olive growers in California have about a 10-year head start, Shaw hopes to use their knowledge to close the gap. “Obviously, there was a lot of doubt, but, at the same time, we felt like there was an upside and enough chance of

success that we decided to try it,” he says. “Most people thought we were crazy, and maybe we were. But so far we’ve been pretty lucky.” That luck has come with a great

deal of patience, and to a certain extent it’s proved provisional. Shaw planted his olive trees in 2009 and they didn’t start producing olives until last fall. That’s a long time to wonder if you’re doing it METRO SPIRIT 01.12.12

right, and though he’s received a lot of help from the Georgia Department of Agriculture, the Center for Innovation for Agribusiness and, oddly, the head of the Australian Olive Association, ultimately, it’s all his doing. “You’re looking at five years before you really hit full production,” he says. “I hope I’ll have a whole lot more fruit in 2012 than I did in 2011, but we still need a lot more acreage in production to get where we want to be.” The super high density growing method favored by Shaw was developed in Spain around 20 years ago. He plants over 600 trees per acre and keeps them in a kind of hedgerow, which he mechanically harvests with a modified blueberry picker. “It’s a once and done technique,” he says. “You only pick once a year.” The trees will start flowering and going through their pollination window around the first part of April, and then the work begins. “We should have our fruit set by the third week of April,” he says. “We’ll pump them up and try to produce the fruit. Then, we’ll put them through a stress mid-summer to make them produce more oil.” It’s a tricky balance, he says. Not enough water and the trees will die. Too much water and they won’t produce

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enough oil. “We shoot for 40 gallons of oil per ton of olives,” he says. “And the way you get that higher amount is by stressing the olives.”

Unlike West Coast growers, who don’t harvest until late October or early November, the Georgia olive harvest occurs in September. “It’s a very difficult product to handle

properly because it’s very delicate,” he says. “From the minute you harvest the olive, the clock is ticking.” For the first harvest, Shaw transported the fruit by overnight refrigerated truck

ELEMENTS JANUARY 2012

to a mill in south Texas, but, by this year’s harvest, he hopes to process the olives in his own mill. “We have some pretty ambitious goals for the industry, and we want to make sure that we’ve got the infrastructure to support it,” he says. Shaw, an insurance agent who’s also a state representative, got the idea of growing olives back in the mid 1990s when, as a UGA student, he was on a study abroad program in Verona, Italy. It wasn’t until taking a couple of trips out west to talk with California growers that he decided to give it a try, however. “We’re still in an experimental mode,” he says. “We’re doing a lot of experimental pruning and irrigation techniques to find out what works for us. The main thing that we have found is that these trees prefer well-drained soils. But why go to so much trouble when olive oil isn’t exactly a scarce commodity on the store shelves? “There’s already a lot of interest in locally produced fruit and produce,” he says. “And obviously that’s to our advantage.” Beyond that, however, there’s the fact that almost 70 percent of the oil that’s labeled extra virgin olive oil is not true extra virgin olive oil. “With that kind of high percentage, there are a lot of people who have not

tried a true, premium-quality extra virgin olive oil,” he says. “When you do, it’s like night and day. And according to Shaw, freshness matters, which is why he can sell it for $25 a bottle (although because of the

they’ve just tasted something sour, they’re looking at you like they’ve just had something that’s very pleasing to them.” Though he doesn’t consider himself a foodie, he admits he has come a long way in his personal preferences when it comes

It’s a smaller olive, and, at harvest, about 60 percent will have turned dark, though even that percentage is a gamble. The riper the olive is, the more susceptible it is to the weather. “It’s just like any other farming,” he

limited supply, many suggested he sell the first year’s crop for $100 a bottle). “When we do tastings, you can just drink it,” he says. “And when the people are finished drinking, they don’t look like

to olive oil. And as an olive grower, he’s come to know his olives, too. Because of the demands of the super high-density style of growing, Shaw primarily grows the Arbequina variety.

says. “You’ve got to say your prayers before you go to bed.” For more information, visit georgiaolivefarms.com.

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AMYCHRISTIAN PHOTOGRAPHY: JOEWHITE

Out of the Clay

North Augusta’s Blue Clay Farm serves restaurant and the public

At one time, the lands surrounding Hammond’s Ferry’s Blue Clay Farm produced bricks that, when fired, turned the color of water. Water is still important to the farm, but now in a much different way.

Started four years ago and taken over nearly three years ago by Chef Manuel Verney-Carron, Blue Clay is now an organic oasis that contains seasonal vegetables and fruits, herbs, chickens, bees and even fish. “It’s almost a dream come true for the restaurant, to be able to control what we bring in,” Verney-Carron, also owner of Manuel’s Bread Cafe in Hammond’s Ferry, said. “What a tool for the restaurant.” In addition to supplying approximately 60-80 percent of the ingredients for the restaurant’s French bistro dishes, VerneyCarron explained that they’ve also been able to reduce the cafe’s trash output, through composting and chicken feed, by about 60 percent. “The chickens eat a bunch of the refuse and the compost goes back into the garden and what’s in the garden eventually goes back into the restaurant,” he said. “It’s very attractive to be this self-sufficient and we can reduce our carbon footprint as well.” But the garden, overseen by VerneyCarron, farmer Janis Persenaire and another part-time worker, is so much more. The restaurateur also conducts tours, has plans for outdoor kitchen where he can serve lunch and dinner and generally wants it to be a place where all feel welcome. “I want people to get in there,” Verney-Carron said. “The idea, the vision for the farm is that it be a learning tool. I want it to be a fixture of Hammond’s Ferry, a place for people to go when they have guests and just take a walk in the garden.” Verney-Carron is apparently attracting visitors near and far. The day we visited, so did Chef Philippe Chin, who now lives in New York state and stopped by with a friend.

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ELEMENTS JANUARY 2012

During the summer season, Verney-Carron has an abundance of vegetables like okra and corn. “We have so many vegetables in the summer that I sell them in the farmer’s market downtown. I sell my bread there and, when we have vegetables, we just extend the stand.” These days, however, winter vegetables like collard green, Brussels sprouts (which are good enough to pick and eat) and carrots fill the space. The carrots, he said, hold a special fascination to the children’s groups who tour. “I give tours to kids and it’s amazing how many of them have never seen a carrot with dirt on it,” he laughed. “Gardening is a great activity for kids and it’s very rewarding because you can see your stuff growing.”

Chickens are a big part of Blue Clay Farms and Verney-Carron says they currently have 15 in a chicken coop and house that sits on the property. But he assures visitors that they needn’t worry about the cute creatures ending up on a plate in the cafe. “We use the chickens only for eggs,” he said. “We don’t butcher any of them. They are our pets.” In addition to chickens, Blue Clay has a few guinea hens. “They give you eggs, too, by they’re almost half the size of a chicken egg,” Verney-Carron explained. “But they’re delicious.”

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One of the newest aspects of Blue Clay Farm is aquaponics, a combination of aquaculture (raising, in this case, fish in tanks) with hydroponics (growing plants in water). “We have big fish tanks where we raise tilapia and on top of the fish tanks are plant beds,” Verney-Carron explained. “We pump the fish tank water into the grow beds, the plants use the nutrients in the water, reoxygenate it and then the water goes back in the tank. The water is very clean and oxygenated so you can put more fish in the tank and you can put the plants right next to each other in the beds, too.” The only problem is how fast the fish grow. “Last night we lost four fish because they jumped out of the tank.” The system is still in its experimental stages and shares greenhouse space with plants like lime trees.

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ELEMENTS JANUARY 2012

“Along the fence we are putting fruit trees — pears and apples and grapes,” Verney-Carron said. “We’re going to train them onto the fence so, in five or six years, you won’t be able to see the fence.”

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Trainers PERSONAL

Oxygen 375 Highland Avenue, Augusta 706-364-7746 oxygenfitstudio.com Richard Iannacone, owner and trainer

Originally from Queens, N.Y., Rich Iannacone played high school football, was a physical training instructor in the military and is still a nurse at the burn unit at Doctor’s Hospital. So when a client works out with Rich, they’ll find someone who will pay attention and keep their safety in mind. “Sometimes you’ll see personal trainers who have their cell phone with them and they’ll tell their clients to do more reps and go right back to their phones,” he said. “That just aggravates the you know what out of me. When a client is here, I’m theirs for an hour — no interruptions.” Rich opened Oxygen after discovering how much he loved spinning. “I got into spinning because my wife really enjoyed it, so we started doing it at the gym, but eventually just decided to do our own thing,” he said. “We’re more of a boutique, with one-on-one physical training, so you don’t have to worry about other people looking at you while you’re working out.” At Oxygen, clients can take classes, get help from a personal trainer, and receive nutrition tips. “We have a nutritionist on staff,” he said. The staff even does some unusual things like boot camps. “We do boot camps, too,” he said. “I did that in the military and I love those things.” Whatever a client decides to do, Iannacone says he makes sure they get what they pay for. “I love watching someone who came in the front door, a lot of time not feeling that great about themselves but taking that step, and seeing them make a change,” he said. “I want to make sure they get what they came in here for, make sure they feel great about themselves and where they’re going. I don’t want to sound too mushy, I’m a trainer, but the truth is the truth.”

Lynn Horseman, personal trainer

Lynn Horseman, known to most in the area as the owner of Village boutique in Surrey Center, is no stranger to fitness. In fact, she’s taught fitness for about 28 years. “I’ve tried just about everything,” she laughed. A former runner and “anaerobic junkie,” Horseman said that, at age 54, her fitness goals have now changed to include stretching, core training and spinning. “Spinning is probably my passion, my love,” she admitted. “Truly, I have tried it all and done it all as far as step and all those trends through the years and spinning is about the best thing you can do. It’s a lot of workout in a small amount of time.” At Oxygen Fitness, Horseman teaches spinning, barre and circuit training classes, as well as works with clients on a one on one basis. It is this area in which she feels her gift truly lies. “I just really love people and motivating people and seeing change,” she said. “Seeing someone who really needs help. The Lord gives us all gifts and my gift is motivating people and helping them see change in their body. Nothing is more rewarding than to help someone, to motivate and change somebody.” And change is something Horseman believes anyone can achieve. A former employee of Brandon Wilde retirement community, she said she most loves helping seniors and others who can improve their quality of life by improving their fitness. “There’s nothing more rewarding than working with folks like that,” she said. “Because they really need it.” There is one catch, however. Clients need to work with someone who is educated and has a particular mindset not often seen on television or in fitness videos. “You got to have somebody who’s educated,” she said. “Everything in moderation.”

Crystal Iannacone, personal trainer

Crystal Iannacone grew up dancing, and it is still her first love. “I loved it,” she said. “I was captain of the dance team in college for a year and danced throughout high school and college. In college, she branched out into different areas of fitness and discovered spinning by working out with her dad and stepmother. Coming full circle, Crystal is back to dancing, now teaching Zumba and Barre, a ballet-based group fitness class, at Oxygen. Ask her to decide between the two classes and she’ll have a tough time. “Zumba is just crazy fun. It mixes Latin and hip-hop,” she explained. “Barre is different from that and focuses on small, isometric movements. It’s just a great class and I’m blown away by the results I’ve seen in my own arms. It’s just amazing how your body can change.” Crystal may have a bubbly personality, but when it comes to training, she can be tough. “I know that a lot of people have told me that I tend to push them harder than they knew they can go,” she said. “I’m motivated and passionate, but I’m a little sassy at the same time.” Slacking off in one of Crystal’s classes is not tolerated, but she says she does it out of love. “Really, all I want is for them to get the most of out their workout,” she said. “It’s not about getting skinny, it’s about getting healthy. You might get skinny in the process, but it’s different for every person. You’re here to work and push your body.” It may be hard work, but Crystal guarantees that clients will see results. “I don’t want anyone to ever think the workout is for me because it’s not. It’s for them,” she said. “Our goal is to help other people because we’re passionate about other people.”

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Quantum Fitness 4408 Evans to Locks Road, Ste. G, Evans 706-210-1140 quantumfitnessaugusta.com

The Ultimate Ride & Fitness 3830 Washington Road, Ste. 16, Martinez 706-910-8136 ultimaterideandfitness.com Jayme & Gayle

Alex Alvarez, personal trainer and nutritionist

Alex Alvarez, a personal trainer at Quantum Fitness in Evans, says that most of his job involves teaching people to move. Think that sounds elementary? It should be, he said. But somewhere along the way, most people grow up and forget the activities that were second nature to them as children. “I usually tell people to look at their kids,” he said. “Look at how they move, they jump and they climb. You should be able to do that, too. Too many people sit all day at work, then they sit in a car and then they sit at home in front of the television.” Alvarez himself began his fitness journey through martial arts training as a child. He continues to practice martial arts, and made fitness his full-time job while living in California a few years ago. Now in Augusta, Alvarez has multiple roles at Quantum. “I teach some classes, CrossFit kinds of things, but most of my time is one on one with clients,” he explained. “I’m also a certified nutritionist, so I like to work with people on that.” On the nutrition front, he advocates gradual lifestyle changes instead of the ultimatums that most people place on themselves at this time of year. “I’m not a believer at all in diets and New Year’s resolutions,” he laughed. Make an appointment with Alvarez for a personal training session, and a client will learn how to move with CrossFit style exercise such as squats, pull ups and pull downs, things that will help them not only become healthier, but be able to better function in day-to-day life. Seeing that transition is what he loves most about his job. “I like seeing the change in people,” he said. “People improve and they become happier and healthier and it’s very rewarding.”

Amanda Williamson, personal trainer

North Augusta native Amanda Williamson competed in pageants growing up, even making it to the Miss USA Pageant. Because of that, coupled with playing sports in high school, she worked with a personal trainer for years. “And when all was said and done, I decided that’s what I wanted to do,” she said. “So I went and got my personal trainer certification.” Today, at Quantum Fitness, she works with clients mostly on a one on one basis. “But I also spend time doing small group training classes, which is similar to what I would do one on one,” she explained. “Sometimes people are more encouraged when other people are being tortured along with them.” The small group classes she teaches are aerobic, but mix weight training in with the cardio work. “We do a lot of plyometric exercises,” she said. “I try to keep things creative to keep people interested.” It’s not a one-way street, however. Williamson wants to keep her clients interested, but she’s also interested in them as well. Before beginning work with a client, she likes to chat. “The first thing I do is sit down and talk about their life, where they work, are they married,” she said. “I basically interview people so I can get to know them. When I know their lifestyle then I know how to train them. Some people have issues that are keeping them from being their healthiest.” Once she gets to know her clients, only then can she best judge how to help them. Because every client, she said, is different. “Some people like to be yelled at and some people don’t,” she said. “And I have to learn that before I push them to their most.” Whether she’s yelling or cajoling, though, Williamson loves her work. “I honestly can say that,” she said. “I may work too much, but I love my job.”

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Jayme Durand, co-owner

Jayme Durand of North Augusta says she grew up playing sports, including college softball. So it’s no surprise that she ended up as head softball coach at Aiken Tech. What was surprising, at least to her, was when she discovered she enjoyed working with people one-on-one more than she did in a team setting. It was when she began learning about fitness through coaching seminars and starting going to the gym that she discovered her love of spinning. “I was running on the treadmill by myself and thinking, ‘Mmmm… I’d rather be at home,’” she remembers. “Then I tried spinning, loved it, met Gayle [her business partner Gayle Shafer] and we started working out together.” Shortly afterwards, her father bought 10 spinning bikes, rebuilt them and set them up in her garage, where she would conduct classes. From there it grew until finally, last year, she had to make a decision. “What started as a 6 a.m. and 6 p.m. hobby just grew to the point where we were like, do we really want to do this fulltime?” she says. “We had the opportunity in October of last year to expand. We kind of sat down together and said, ‘If we’re going to do it, let’s do it.’ It was a total leap of faith.” At Ultimate Ride & Fitness, Durand and Shafer specialize in small group fitness classes, from spinning to Indo Row, and Durand says her training style hearkens back to her coaching days. “You learn how they’re motivated and how they like to be pushed,” she said. “I like taking people outside of their comfort zone and seeing their face light up when they do something they didn’t think they could do.” That is the best part of her job. “That’s the biggest reward I get out of it is watching people progress daily and getting to be a part of their lives.”

Gayle Shafer, co-owner

Gayle Shafer began working out as a teen and was even teaching aerobics in her native St. Simons right out of high school. After moving to Augusta, she eventually realized there was something missing in her new home. “I realized there was a need for a place in Augusta where people could work out who didn’t feel comfortable in a regular gym setting,” she explained. So she and Jayme Durand opened Ultimate Ride & Fitness, a place where anyone can come for personal attention, even though the duo doesn’t offer personal training. “We don’t do one on one personal training at this facility,” she said. “We do small group. We have found that people are more motivated in a class or group environment.” Shafer said she and Durand try and keep things exciting at Ultimate Ride by trying new things. “We try to stay cutting edge, try to bring new things in,” she explained. “Jayme and I both have friends on the west coast, and things hit there first, so we try to bring new things here before anybody else does.” One of those things is their Indo Row machines, rowing machines that use water to mimic real rowing. Their use of this equipment garnered the attention of NBC, who will spotlight the pair on the February 28 episode of “The Biggest Loser.” Despite the attention, though, Shafer says it is working with clients that is the most gratifying to her, personally and professionally. “I like to help change people’s lives. It’s personally gratifying to see them reach their goals,” she said. “We want to make ordinary people feel extraordinary. We want the average person to feel special, to feel great about what they’ve done.”

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The Kroc Center 1833 Broad Street, Augusta 706-364-5762 krocaugusta.org Byron Tutt, certified personal trainer and certified nutrition specialist

Byron Tutt enjoyed physical activity, sports and healthy living growing up — in high school he played football competitively — and that, he said, is what led him to get a bachelor’s degree in exercise science. “As I attended school and began putting my education into practice, I developed a deeper interest and discovered that I can really make a difference in people’s lives — physically and mentally,” he said. “As my training skills developed to higher levels of advancement, I became more excited to share my knowledge and skills with others. Personal training was my answer.” Then, approximately 10 years ago, his 17-year-old nephew passed away. “Dealing with the emotions of losing a family member is definitely the biggest challenge that I have faced,” he admitted. “I was unable to accept his death and found myself slipping away from my active life style and gained weight. Before I knew it I weighed 260 pounds. It was only with the help and support of other personal trainers and friends within the fitness industry that Tutt said he was able to lose more than 65 pounds, as well as regain his emotional and physical health. Today, what motivates him is helping people gain the confidence he knows they possess. “When somebody says, ‘I can’t do this,’ then I give them the motivation and belief in themselves that they can,” he explained. “And then I see the person achieve what they said they couldn’t — that is what I love about being a personal trainer.”

Gold’s Gym Augusta 596 Bobby Jones Expressway Suite 130 Augusta 706-396-4653 goldsgym.com Taylor Hensley Personal Training Fitness Consultant, Walton Way

Taylor Hensley has always loved sports and fitness. When he was in middle school he started playing football, baseball and basketball, and concentrated on football and baseball his junior and senior year in high school. He even played football at Middle Georgia College. After college, he found that a regular job just wasn’t for him. “I just got tired of working regular jobs and wanted to get back into sports and fitness,” he said. “Because that’s what I love to do.” So he stopped by Gold’s Gym one day, which led to his current position as a personal trainer with Premier Fitness. To Hensley, it’s all about the client. “I’m going to give the client what they ask for,” he said. “After a while you get to read your client. If they seem kind of intimidated and lack self-confidence, I’m going to build them up and motivate them. If they’re real cocky I’m going to be hard on them. I have had some walk out on me, but I’ve also had some break down and cry and tell me that’s what they needed. It all depends on the client.” Hensley begins a relationship with a new client by talking to them, then setting short-term and long-term goals. And by long-term he means life changes. “I tell them the sky’s the limit,” he said. The next step is to calculate the client’s body fat percentage and take a personal history. It’s a lot of work in the beginning, and it only gets tougher once the workouts start. The results, however, are immeasurable. “I love seeing the smiles on people’s faces when I ask them how it’s going and they say, ‘Taylor I’ve lost 11 inches,’” he said. “I just like seeing the progress in my clients.”

Kyle Anderson, fitness specialist

It was one of Kyle Anderson’s ASU professors who first saw that he might have an aptitude for personal training. “During my schooling at Augusta State University I spent time with one of my professors about my career options,” he said. “He knew how much I enjoy physical activity, motivating others to do better and working with youth to improve themselves and he recommended personal training. The right opportunity was presented and I have never looked back.” Before that, Anderson had spent time playing baseball and getting himself into shape. “In junior college I played competitive baseball and that was a big challenge!” he said. “I had played recreationally and not seriously throughout high school but I was not prepared for the physical and mental commitment of the competitive game. To get my body and mind in the right focus was a challenge but I succeeded.” Today, as a fitness specialist at the Kroc Center, Anderson loves working with all kinds of people, young and old, fit and out of shape. “How can a trainer not enjoy personal training?” he asked. “I get to spend time with people sharing my knowledge and expertise. I get to see people push themselves beyond what they thought they could achieve. I get to see people’s lives improve and change. I get to develop relationships with seniors, special populations and youth. I go to work with a smile, I leave with a smile. It’s infectious!”

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Greubel’s MMA 2917 Riverwest Drive, Ste. 105, Augusta 706-737-0911 greubelsmma.com Lakesha Springle, personal trainer

Children’s basketball and martial arts coach for 13 years Managed three years of summer camp Second team All American in high school Lettered in five different sports in high school Basketball scholarship at Florida State University Deans List at FSU Captain of FSU basketball team senior year Bachelor’s degree in sports management 2009 IKF World Kickboxing Champion 2011 Golden Gloves competitor Instructor at Greubel’s MMA since 2009

Mark Greubel, owner and personal trainer

Has produced 27 IKF World Classic kickboxing champions since 2006 2011 Assistant WAKO US Coach to Ireland 2009 Assistant US Coach to France 2009 Head Coach for US Team to Trinidad Trained 27 IKF World Kickboxing champs and numerous national champions International coaching experience in France, Italy, Croatia, England, Canada and Trinidad 1997 PKC GA State Lightweight Champion 1999 IKF U.S. National Light Welterweight Champion 2000 PKC U.S. National Super Welterweight Champion Awarded Black Belt in EKG Sept 12, 2001, under James Skinner Level 2 certified in Bojuka 26-year training record in martial arts Started coaching kickboxing in 2001 Volunteer coached at Augusta Boxing Club for six years 2006/2008 WAKO US Jr. Full Contact Team Assistant Coach Boxing Gold medalist in Georgia Games

Chris Elms, personal trainer

Brown Belt in Brazilian Jiu Jitsu Achieved Black Belt in Judo from United States Judo Association (USJA) Received Coaching Certification in Judo from USJA MMA Record: 6-1 South Carolina State Judo Champion Georgia State Judo Champion 2000 Most Outstanding Competitor in Judo in the Georgia Games Karate Black Belt from PCMA Awarded Black Belt in Renraku-do and PERSEV from Red Dragon Achieved belts in Karate from Choi Karate Institute, Universal Kempo, Black Dragon Karate Studied Stick and Knife Fighting in Pekiti Tersha system Studied Silat, Wing Chun, and MMA under Mr. Ash and Guru Studied Judo, Aikido, Shorinji Kenpo, Kendo, and MMA in Japan Studied Stick and Knife in Manila, Philippines Studied Muay Thai under Suakai

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ERICJOHNSON

Adventures in Sushi A novice steps out of his comfort zone Once you reach a certain age and start realizing that not everything you’ve passed up along the way is bad, you begin to reconsider some of those things you’ve chosen not to do. While some might say this is the first evidence of an approaching midlife crisis, so far for me it’s only yielded a desire to try sushi. As a large helping kind of guy, sushi has always seemed to me to be more trouble than its worth, but the other day I decided to see if that was a valid assumption. I started my endeavor at TakoSushi in Evans. Feeling obvious and out of place, I immediately confessed to being a sushi virgin, which brought predictable giggles from my server. “Well, I’m definitely experienced,” she said. “I’ll show you the ropes.” I thought about making a joke about losing my masago, but since I didn’t really know what masago was, I decided against it. My server led me to a spot at the sushi bar, where she brought me disposable chopsticks and my drink. When she got a moment, she gave me a very brief rundown on how to read the menu and then a little advice about what I might like to order. She suggested two different rolls for my first time — a Crazy Roll and a Cary’s Roll. “Most people like these, and it will give you a good starting point for when you come back,” she said.

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Cary’s Roll was flash fried. It was made with thin bits of tuna, salmon, white tuna, tilapia and cream cheese. Because the outside was fried, it tasted more familiar at first and therefore more accessible to my palate. But that was a trick, I learned. As I broke the roll apart and nibbled at the insides, those individual tastes were very intense and very… fresh. It wasn’t bad. The parts just seemed far less conventional than the whole. The Crazy Roll looked more like I was expecting things to look. Made with shrimp tempura and cucumber and topped with fresh shrimp, crab and avocado, it tasted cool and healthy, and it made me think of how refreshing it would taste on a hot summer day. It also made me want to figure out how to use the damn chopsticks. Sushi, I learned, means rice, which is odd, since I’ve never considered rice as having anything to do with any of this. But it turns out Japanese rice is very sticky and is literally the glue that holds it all together. Though raw, uncooked fish can be an issue for pregnant women, the young and elderly and people with certain diseases or allergies, for the able bodied among us, it is very popular and, as I’m about to learn, surprisingly filling. It’s also not cheap, but I would find that out later, and then promptly forget it until the next

bill was passed to me. As I sat back and wondered how my choices would settle, I watched the sushi chef prepare another meal and my mind went back to the Ginsu knife commercials of my youth — not because of any kind of stereotypical Asian association, but because for the first time I actually got it. I understood why an Asian chef would need sharp knives. To cut with this kind of precision certainly requires some sharp hardware. With no ill effects from my first foray — none of the upset stomachs, allergic reactions or exotic waterborne diseases that were floating around in the back of my mind — I showed up at Kinja on Washington Road like one of those crazy food guys on TV. The more it looked like it could reach out of the rice roll and scutter off on its own the better. Spicy octopus roll? Hell, yeah! It was pretty thrilling to watch the octopus tentacle as it was picked out, measured against the length of the knife blade and then cut, though I was eventually distracted by the arrival of my bowl of squid salad. While it was hard for me to accurately identify anything among the crinkly ribbons other than the sesame seeds, I relaxed knowing that someday I might. By the time the sushi chef finished wrapping up my spicy octopus roll, though, I was a little less confident about my choice.

Actually, the spicy octopus roll turned out to be a bit much, though of course it was my own fault — I couldn’t keep my tongue from feeling for the little suckers. The chewy nature of the octopus did contrast nicely with the crunch of the cucumber, however, making the roll an interesting study in texture. The California Roll I also ordered, avocado and crabmeat, was a bit more conventional, but the big hit of that meal was my two pieces of freshwater eel, which were lashed to rafts of rice the way you might strap down something of value. Wilson! The spicy octopus roll sufficiently curing my culinary wanderlust, I ended my sushi adventure at Broad Street’s Wicked Wasabi, vowing to be a touch more restrained in my choices. With a little more helpful advice, I ordered the yenta roll and the squid salad roll. Both were smeared in smelt eggs, which truthfully looked more like orange paste than anything. The yenta roll was made with smoked salmon, cream cheese, cucumber and green onion, while the squid salad roll was simply a rolled up version of the salad I’d had before. I wasn’t any better yet at identifying the contents, but one thing I learned for sure — that little dab of green stuff? It’s not guacamole.

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Thursday, January 12 Live Music

Coyote’s - Jeremy Graham French Market Grille West - Doc Easton Smooth Jazz Joe’s Underground - Steven Bryant & Liz Bramlect One Hundred Laurens - Kenny George Red Pepper Cafe - Funk/Fusion Jazz Rose Hill Stables - Preston, Weston and Sandra Travinia’s - Smooth Jazz Wild Wing - Low Fidelity The Willcox - Classic Jazz

What’s Tonight?

Casa Blanca - Thursday Tango Club Argos - Karaoke Cocktails Lounge - Karaoke Fishbowl Lounge - Karaoke Fox’s Lair - Soup, Suds & Conversations Helga’s Pub & Grille - Trivia The Highlander - Butt Naked Trivia The Loft - Karaoke Malibu Jack’s - Sports Trivia with Mike Thomas Mi Rancho (Downtown) - Karaoke Mi Rancho (Evans) - Karaoke Pizza Joint, Evans - DJ Kris Fisher The Playground - Open Mic with Brandy Polo Tavern - DJ Nirvana Shannon’s - Karaoke Villa Europa - Karaoke Wooden Barrel - ’80s Night Karaoke

Karaoke Ms. Carolyn’s - Karaoke Palmetto Tavern - DJ Tim Rebeck’s Hideaway - Open Mic Roadrunner Cafe - Karaoke with Steve Chappel Somewhere in Augusta - Live Watch Party for Riverhawks game Soul Bar - ’80s Night Tropicabana - Latin Friday Wheels - Live DJ Wooden Barrel - Karaoke Contest

Saturday, January 14 Live Music

The Acoustic Coffeehouse - Open Acoustic Jam Session with Eryn Eubanks

Club Argos - Variety Show Cocktails Lounge - Latin Night Fishbowl Lounge - Karaoke Helga’s Pub & Grille - Trivia The Loft - Karaoke Mi Rancho (Downtown) - Karaoke with Rockin Rob Mi Rancho (Clearwater) - Karaoke with Danny Haywood Mi Rancho (Washington Road) - Karaoke Ms. Carolyn’s - Karaoke One Hundred Laurens - DJ Kenny Ray Somewhere in Augusta - UFC 142, Aldo vs. Mendes Tropicabana - Salsa Saturday Wheels - Live DJ Wooden Barrel - Kamikaze Karaoke

Club Argos - Variety Show Cocktails Lounge - Grown-Up Fridays Cork and Bull Pub - Karaoke Fishbowl Lounge - Karaoke Iron Horse Bar & Grill - Karaoke Mi Rancho (Downtown) - Karaoke with Ryan Moseley Mi Rancho (Washington Road) - Karaoke with Jeff Barnes Mi Rancho (Clearwater) - Three J’s V. 23 | NO. 02

Applebee’s (Evans) - Trivia Club Argos - Karaoke Malibu Jack’s - Trivia with Mike Thomas Mi Rancho (Downtown) - Trivia with Mike Thomas Somewhere in Augusta - Poker Tourney Wild Wing - Trivia

Tuesday, January 17 Live Music

Cocktails Lounge - Live Music The Highlander - Open Mic Night Joe’s Underground - Happy Bones Wild Wing - Sabo & Mike The Willcox - Piano Jazz Club Argos - Karaoke Fishbowl Lounge - Dart League Malibu Jack’s - Karaoke with Denny Somewhere in Augusta - Hawk Talk, Big Prize Trivia

Wednesday, January 18 Live Music

209 on the River - Smooth Grooves Joe’s Underground - Sibling String Malibu Jack’s - Marilyn Adcock Wild Wing - Old Man Crazy

What’s Tonight?

Club Argos - Santoni’s Satin Dolls Cocktails Lounge - Augusta’s Got Talent Cotton Patch - Trivia and Tunes Coyote’s - Drink N Drown w/ DJ Jeff Laura’s Backyard Tavern - Karaoke w/ David Doane The Loft - Karaoke Mi Rancho (Downtown) - Karaoke Mi Rancho (Washington Road) - Karaoke with Rockin’ Rob The Place on Broad - Jazz DJ The Playground - Krazy Karaoke with Big Troy Polo Tavern - Karaoke w/ Tom Mitchell Somewhere in Augusta - Comedy Zone w/ Kenny Smith and John Burton

Live Music

What’s Tonight?

Friday, January 13 Cotton Patch - Ray Piazola Country Club - Larry Frick Coyote’s - Jeremy Graham Band French Market Grille West - Doc Easton Joe’s Underground - Typhoid Mary Laura’s Backyard Tavern - Old Man Crazy Malibu Jack’s - Tony Williams Blues Express The Playground - Obraskai Polo Tavern - Robbie Ducey Band Sector 7G - Xerxes, Code Orange Kinds, Barrow, Von Wolfe, Apart, Chondro, Panic Manor, Narratives, Dead End Sons, Dreameater Sky City - El Ra Birthday Show w/ Nutbush Band, Freedom Black, Cub Caro Stillwater Tap Room - Galen Kipar Project Wild Wing - Roshambeaux

Monday, January 16

and the Family Fold Cotton Patch - Chad Nichols Country Club - Anthony Orio Coyote’s - Jeremy Graham Band Joe’s Underground - Jeff Johnston Malibu Jack’s - South Atlantic P.I. Bar and Grill - Not Gaddy Jazz Sky City - False Flag, Death is a Dialogue, The Radar Cinema Stillwater Tap Room - JP Harris & The Tough Choices Wild Wing - Matt MacKelcan

What’s Tonight?

Sunday, January 15 Live Music

5 O’Clock Bistro - Buzz and Candice The Willcox - Mike Frost and Lauren Meccia Wild Wing - Patterson & Nate

What’s Tonight?

Caribbean Soul - Love Jones Sundays Malibu Jacks - Karaoke with Mike Swift Mi Rancho (Downtown) - Karaoke Mi Rancho (Washington Road) - Karaoke, Salsa Dancing

Upcoming

Jerry Seinfeld - Bell Auditorium January 19 Jeremy Graham - Coyote’s January 19 Jamie Jones - Joe’s Underground January 19 Matt Acosta & The Special Guests - Wild Wing January 19 Vox Inertia - 1102 Bar & Grill January 20 Kayson Layne - Country Club January 20 Pocket the Moon, Finster, The Kooties, Jerod Gay - Sky City January 20 The Burning Angels - Stillwater Tap Room January 20 Ravenswood, Stillview, Zebo - The First Round January 20 METRO SPIRIT 01.12.12 19

She N She - The Playground January 20 Toyzz - Wild Wing January 20 Mountain Heart w/ Tony Rice - Imperial Theatre January 20 David Hope - Laura’s Backyard Tavern January 20-21 Dredneck, Mark Deez, GA Froze, Mac &

Old 97’s - 40 Watt Club, Athens January 21 The Grapes - Variety Playhouse, Atlanta, January 21 Black Oak Arkansas, Six Shot Revival, Bigfoot - Peachtree Tavern, Atlanta January 21 Gregg Allman, Jaimoe’s Jasssz Band

Slim, J Fresh - Sky City January 21 SidAerial - The Playground January 27 Dangermuffin - Surrey Tavern January 28 Stillview, 3 Pill Morning, The Atom Blonde - The Playground January 30 Those Darlins - Sky City February 1 POPS! At the Bell w/ The Temptations Bell Auditorium February 9 Winter Jam Tour - James Brown Arena February 9 Rhonda Vincent & The Rage - Imperial Theatre February 10 Jesup Dolly, Cameras, Guns, and Radios The Playground Bar February 10 Augusta Blues Festival - Bell Auditorium March 2

Elsewhere

David Berkeley, Danny Brewer & Will Robertson - Eddies Attic, Atlanta January 12 Drive-By Truckers - 40 Watt Club, Athens January 12-14 Big Head Todd and the Monsters Variety Playhouse, Atlanta January 13 Evanescence - Tabernacle, Atlanta January 14 Gordon Lightfoot - Atlanta Symphony Hall January 14 Jim Perkins - Gnats Landing, Athens January 14 Bitch Please, Dope Dialect - Live Wire Music Hall, Savannah January 14 In Flames - Center Stage, Atlanta January 18 G. Love & Special Sauce - Variety Playhouse, Atlanta January 20 20 METRO SPIRIT 01.12.12

- Johnny Mercer Theater, Savannah January 21 Anthony Green - The Loft, Atlanta January 25 Colt Ford - Georgia Theatre, Athens January 25 Emancipator - Georgia Theatre, Athens January 26 Lord T & Eloise - Locos, Savannah January 26 Widespread Panic - The Tabernacle, Atlanta January 26-29 Blake Shelton - Convention Center at Gwinnett Center, Duluth January 27 Rebelution, The Grouch, Pep Love Masquerade, Atlanta January 27 Blackberry Smoke - Buckhead Theatre, Atlanta January 28 The Mountain Goats - The EARL, Atlanta January 28 Packway Handle Band - Georgia Theatre, Athens January 28 Red Hot Chili Peppers - Convention Center at Gwinnett Center, Duluth January 30 Anthrax, Testament - Tabernacle, Atlanta February 2 Carolina Chocolate Drops - Georgia Theatre, Athens February 2 Eric Church, Brantley Gilbert, Sonia Leigh - Savannah Civic Center, Savannah February 2 Ani DiFranco - Variety Playhouse, Atlanta February 3 Ivan Neville’s Dumpstaphunk - Georgia Theatre, Athens February 3

INMUSIC

North Carolina’s Galen Kipar Project brings their blues-fusion-soul-folk to Augusta, playing Stillwater Tap Room Friday, January 13, before hitting the Morris Museum of Art on Sunday, January 15, at 2 p.m. for a free show.

Quit Whining and Get in the Studio

I think a lot of times local musicians get overlooked for their talent, so it’s great to see that there is an award ceremony to highlight what Augusta has to offer. I’m speaking of the Lokal Loudness Awards. Great bands like She N She and The Radar Cinema, and awesome musicians like Jo Bone and John Berret get recognized. The only sad part was checking out the list and getting to the very bottom to see someone complaining. Really? This is a great thing; there should be more, so why bash it? And I’m sorry to be the one to point this out, but if you didn’t make it this year, guess what? You probably suck, not only in music, but in personality. So step it up then! Being a crybaby on a message board points out that you have way too much time on your hands that could actually be used in your rehearsal space. I also find it funny that people comment and complain, but don’t leave their name. Way to own it. In the end, congratulations to everyone who was nominated, I think it’s a pretty good list. And now, I’m stepping off my soapbox. I need a big favor from one of you. I need to borrow $240. And by borrow, I mean spend on a pass to a weekend festival and never pay you back. You see, they just announced this little festival called Coachella. This weekend of fun will include The Black Keys, Radiohead, Dr. Dre and Snoop Dogg. Dr. Dre and Snoop Dogg! If you don’t know what Coachella is, it’s a huge music and arts festival in California which hosts the biggest music acts in the world. They don’t only do it one weekend; they do the exact same lineup on back-to-back weekends. The list goes on and on, The Shins, Bon Iver, Feist, Florence and the Machine, the Hives and more will all be a part of the festival, just to name a few. So about that $240? Beyonce and Jay-Z had a big weekend. These two are the parents of a new horribly named baby. Blue Ivy Carter is the name of this kid, and to tell you how much of an A-hole this kid is going to be, she already has a Twitter account. I’m serious. If this kid wasn’t born into millions of dollars, her future would be full of terror, getting beat up every day after middle school. We all learned a lesson here today: If you’re rich, you can name your kid anything. Take it from Apple, the daughter of Coldplay frontman Chris Martin and actress Gwyneth Paltrow. I hope I’m rich one day where I can name my kid Mistake. Bad Decision is a close second. Quote of the week comes from Patrick Carney of The Black Keys: “Rock ‘n’ roll is dying because people became okay with Nickelback being the biggest band in the world. So they became okay with the idea that the biggest rock band in the world is always going to be s***.” The Black Keys will grace the cover of this month’s Rolling Stone magazine. Recommended music pick of the week: Gotye. YouTube the song “Somebody I Used to Know.” Enjoy. Be on the lookout for the new bar The Library taking place of The Vue. I love rock music, so I look forward to another successful rock club in Augusta. The bar is set to open up in a couple weeks; I’ll definitely give you guys a review of what I think. I have high expectations from that crew. Maybe Robbie will give me a sneak peak. What bars do I need to be checking out? What bands am I missing out on? Email matt@ themetrospirit.com. Matt Stone can be heard weekdays from 2-6 p.m. on 95 Rock. V. 23 | NO. 02

V. 23 | NO. 02

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24 METRO SPIRIT 01.12.12

V. 23 | NO. 02

THEEIGHT BOX TOPS

A low-budget, no-name horror movie knocks Tom Cruise off his perch? Guess he’s not invincible after all! RANK

TITLE

WEEKEND GROSS

TOTAL GROSS

WEEK #

LAST WEEK

THE DEVIL INSIDE

$33,732,515

MISSION: IMPOSSIBLE-GHOST PROTOCOL

$19,868,059

$169,568,971

SHERLOCK HOLMES: A GAME OF SHADOWS

$13,689,321

$157,049,382

THE GIRL WITH THE DRAGON TATTOO

$11,364,714

$76,900,628

ALVIN AND THE CHIPMUNKS: CHIPWRECKED

$9,496,913

$111,585,367

“Tinker Tailor Soldier Spy”

SAMEIFLING

Audiences might need a second viewing; fortunately, they shouldn’t mind “Tinker Tailor Soldier Spy” is a spiffy wind-up toy of a movie, without the flash and whimsy of a Bond flick but set among the same caste: British intelligence officials fighting the early-’70s Cold War largely from the confines of a soundproof room-withina-room. Known as “the Circus,” this high council of a half-dozen MI6 administrators is headed by John Hurt, known as Control, who learns that there is a mole at the table; when he dispatches an agent (Mark Strong) to learn more from a contact in Hungary, the agent gets ambushed and shot. Control takes the fall, and with him goes George Smiley (Gary Oldman). When word of the mole rises to the attention of the civil servant who oversees MI6, Smiley, assumed now to be clean in retirement, is enlisted to investigate the remaining four suspects. Instantly immersive to the point of becoming oblique, “Tinker” at least is driving somewhere worthwhile. Oldman, per his form, inhabits Smiley instantly. He has aged in a fashion that feels almost presidential — he resembles no one more than Donald Rumsfeld in this film — and he plays the old intelligence official with grace and subtlety. The officials he’s investigating — played by Toby Jones, Colin Firth, David Dencik and Ciarán Hinds — all embody the gray, rained-in souls of English office workers who happen at once to be Machiavellian top-level espionage minds, playing spook-chess against the Soviets. The closer Smiley comes to the leak, the more the personal interactions come to the fore. Director Tomas Alfredson (“Let the Right One In”) brings a novelist’s touch to the minute details of the everyday. Quick close-ups on tabletops, in hands and on faces build a characterization that can only be conveyed by doting on the visual, and on the small. When Cold War forces pivot around events that transpire at a holiday party, we feel a part of the quotidian lives that strain under global forces. “Tinker” has been a big hit in Britain, but its delay in to wide American release speaks to its risks, as a departure from what we expect from espionage movies. “Tinker” features more shots from the perspective of files in a dumbwaiter than it features shots of things exploding, and there’s scarcely a character in the bunch not towing a bargeload of moral ambiguity. There’s very little sexy about the brownish gray palette of the office environs, nor of the officials’ wardrobes, nor of the architectural mores of the ’70s, nor of the dim skies that plague the English. The men who make decisions in this world must camouflage themselves even among one another. The banality of evil pervades “Tinker,” leaving its audience to wonder not

V. 23 | NO. 02

whether they have the athleticism and sexual prowess to work as double-agents, but whether they’d have the patience and the nerve to become so baldly sinister as to be able to operate in plain sight. The strength of “Tinker” is also its weakness: Rarely does a film manage to feel so authentic to its subject, in part because it doesn’t spend time spoonfeeding the audience exposition. Adapted from the novel of the same name by John le Carré (who worked for British intelligence services in the ’50s and ’60s), “Tinker” was once fashioned into a seven-part series on BBC. There is much to be crammed into your two theatrical hours. Not for nothing does the novel’s Wikipedia site contain a list of jargon to help along the non-spy reader; a refresher before immersing yourself in the film may shorten your learning curve. You’ll want to catch as much as possible the first time through — but “Tinker” is strong enough that a second viewing might be in order anyway.

METRO SPIRIT 01.12.12 25

Last summer, sportswriter Eric Branch wrote about a rookie running back that San Francisco 49er fans were becoming increasingly excited about. Were the growing expectations justified? After a careful analysis, Branch concluded that the signs were promising: “It’s OK to go mildly berserk,” he informed the fans. The early stages of your new possibility are encouraging. It’s OK to go mildly berserk, but it’s not yet time to go totally bonkers.

definitive solutions. Rather, it’s a favorable moment to draw up the incisive inquiries that will frame your quest for comprehensive formulas and definitive solutions. That quest is due to begin in two weeks. For now, raise your curiosity levels, intensify your receptivity and make yourself highly magnetic to core truths.

LEO (July 23-Aug. 22)

In summer, the pickleweed plant thrives around San Francisco Bay. In many places, bright orange patches of the dodder plant intermingle with the pickleweed’s sprightly jade green, creating festive displays. But the dodder’s webby filaments are actually parasites that suck nutrients from the pickleweed. Is there a pretty picture that hides an imbalance in the give-and-take of energy? It’s it’s important to be conscious of what’s going on.

“A writer — and, I believe, generally all persons — must think that whatever happens to him or her is a resource,” said author Jorge Luis Borges. “All that happens to us, including our humiliations, our misfortunes, our embarrassments, all is given to us as raw material, as clay, so that we may shape our art.” Adopting such an approach would bring you abundant wisdom and provide maximum healing. Wander through your memories, reinterpreting the difficult experiences as rich raw material that you can use to beautify your soul and intensify your lust for life.

PISCES (Feb. 19-March 20)

VIRGO (Aug. 23-Sept. 22)

AQUARIUS (Jan. 20-Feb. 18)

“That in a person which cannot be domesticated is not his evil but his goodness,” said the writer Antonio Porchia. Keep that challenging thought close to your heart in the coming days. It is an excellent moment to tune in to your wildest goodness — to describe, cherish, foster, celebrate and express it.

ARIES (March 21-April 19)

The Sanskrit word tapasya is translated as “heat,” but in the yogic tradition it means “essential energy,” managing your life force so that it can be directed to the highest possible purposes, furthering your evolution as a spiritual being. This would be a good year to redouble your commitment to that work. The world will just keep increasing its output of trivial, energy-wasting temptations. You’ll need to be pretty fierce if you want to continue the work of transforming yourself into the Aries you were born to be: focused, direct, energetic and full of initiative.

TAURUS (April 20-May 20)

“Live out of your imagination, not your history,” says Stephen Covey, author of “The Seven Habits of Highly Effective People.” This is the year you can transcend stale traditions, escape your outworn habits, reprogram your conditioned responses and dissolve old karma. You will be getting unparalleled opportunities to render the past irrelevant. And the key to unlocking all the magic will be your freewheeling yet highly disciplined imagination. Call on it often.

GEMINI (May 21-June 20)

Comedian Steven Wright says his nephew has HDADD, or High Definition Attention Deficit Disorder. “He can barely pay attention, but when he does it’s unbelievably clear.” You will encounter more things that are dull than are interesting, but those few that fascinate you will awaken an intense focus that allows you to see into the heart of reality.

CANCER (June 21-July 22)

As I contemplate the most desirable fate you could create for yourself, I’m reminded of a lyric from one of my songs: “We are searching for the answers / so we can destroy them and dream up better questions.” This is not the right time for you to push for comprehensive formulas and

“Poetry is the kind of thing you have to see from the corner of your eye,” said the poet William Stafford. “If you look straight at it you can’t see it, but if you look a little to one side it is there.” His definition of poetry will be useful for you to apply to just about everything. It’s an apt description of all the important phenomena you’ll need to know about. Better start practicing your sideways vision.

LIBRA (Sept. 23-Oct. 22)

A Swedish man named Richard Handl decided to conduct a scientific experiment in his kitchen. Would it be possible to split atoms using a homemade apparatus? He wanted to see if he could generate atomic reactions with the radioactive elements radium, americium, and uranium. But before he got too far into the process, the police intervened and ended his risky fairy-tale. It will be a good time for you to experiment around the house — refining your relationship with your roommates, moving the furniture around and in general rearranging the domestic chemistry — but please avoid trying stuff as crazy as Handl’s.

SCORPIO (Oct. 23-Nov. 21)

In 1878, Thomas Edison perfected the phonograph, a machine that could record sounds and play them back. There had been some primitive prototypes before, but his version was a major improvement. And what were the first sounds to be immortalized on Edison’s phonograph? Edison recited the nursery rhyme, “Mary Had a Little Lamb.” When you make your own breakthrough in communication sometime soon, deliver a more profound and succulent message.

SAGITTARIUS (Nov. 22-Dec. 21)

I suspect you may soon find yourself in a situation similar to the one that 19th-century American President Abraham Lincoln was in when he said the following: “If this is coffee, please bring me some tea. But if this is tea, please bring me some coffee.” You may not be picky about what you want, but whatever it is, you’ll prefer it to be authentic, pure and distinctly itself. Adulterations and hodgepodges won’t satisfy you, and they won’t be useful. Hold out for the Real Thing. Rob Brezsny

FREEWILLASTROLOGY@FREEWILLASTROLOGY.COM 26 METRO SPIRIT 01.12.12

THE8ERS

FREEWILLASTROLOGY

CAPRICORN (Dec. 22-Jan. 19)

Movie times are subject to change.

Masters 7 Cinemas

January 13 Happy Feet Two (PG) 5:10, 7:30, 9:55; Immortals (R) 4:15, 7, 9:45: Jack and Jill (PG) 5:20, 7:30, 9:55; Tower Heist (PG-13) 4:30, 7:15, 9:45; Puss in Boots (PG) 5, 7:15, 9:25; Real Steel (PG-13) 4, 6:45, 9:35; Courageous (PG-13) 3:45; Moneyball (PG-13) 6:45, 9:35 January 14 Happy Feet Two (PG) 12:30, 2:50, 5:10, 7:30, 9:55; Immortals (R) 1:30, 4:15, 7, 9:45: Jack and Jill (PG) 12:45, 3, 5:20, 7:30, 9:55; Tower Heist (PG-13) 1, 4:30, 7:15, 9:45; Puss in Boots (PG) 12:30, 2:40, 5, 7:15, 9:25; Real Steel (PG-13) 1:15, 4, 6:45, 9:35; Courageous (PG-13) 12:45, 3:45; Moneyball (PG-13) 6:45, 9:35

Evans Cinemas

January 13-14 Beauty and the Beast 3D (G) noon; Contraband (R) noon, 2:30, 5, 7:30, 10; Joyful Noise (PG-13) 1:20, 4, 7:15, 9:55; The Devil Inside (R) 12:30, 2:50, 5:10, 7:40, 9:55; The Darkest Hour (PG-13) 12:35, 3, 5:20; War Horse (PG-13) 1, 4:20, 8; We Bought a Zoo (PG) 1:10, 4:10, 7:10, 9:50; The Adventures of Tintin (PG) noon, 2:30, 5, 7:30, 10; The Girl with the Dragon Tattoo (R) 12:20, 1:30, 3:30, 4:30, 7:20, 8:15; Mission: Impossible-Ghost Protocol (PG-13) 12:45, 3:45, 6:45, 7:45, 9:40;

C E R WE

Alvin and the Chipmunks: Chipwrecked (G) 12:10, 2:40, 4:50, 7:05, 9:35; Sherlock Holmes: A Game of Shadows (PG-13) 12:50, 3:50, 6:50, 9:45; New Year’s Eve (PG13) 12:40, 3:40, 6:40, 9:30

Regal Exchange 20

January 13-14 Beauty and the Beast 3D (G) noon, 12:40, 2:15, 2:55, 4:30, 5:10, 7, 7:35, 9:15, 9:55, 11:30, 12:10; Contraband (R) 12:15, 2, 2:45, 4:40, 5:15, 7:10, 7:45, 9:45, 10:15, 11:45, 12:20; Joyful Noise (PG-13) 1:10, 1:40, 4:10, 4:50, 7:15, 7:50, 10:10, 10:30; The Devil Inside (R) 12:55, 2:30, 3:20, 5, 5:30, 7:05, 7:40, 9:20, 9:50, 11:30, 12:05; The Darkest Hour (PG-13) 4:35, 9:45, 11:55; War Horse (PG-13) 1:20, 4:35, 7:40, 10:50; We Bought a Zoo (PG) 2:15, 5:10, 8, 10:50; The Adventures of Tintin (PG) 12:05, 2:45, 5:25, 8:05, 10:30; The Girl with the Dragon Tattoo (R) 1, 4:15, 7:35, 11; Mission: Impossible-Ghost Protocol (PG-13) 12:30, 1, 4, 4:35, 7, 7:30, 10:15, 10:30; Alvin and the Chipmunks: Chipwrecked (G) 12:05, 2:10, 4:25, 7:15, 9:25; Carnage (R) 12:50, 3:05, 5:05, 7:20, 9:20, 11:20; Sherlock Holmes: A Game of Shadows (PG-13) 1:05, 4:05, 7:20, 10:10; The Sitter (R) 12:20, 2:25, 7:30; Tinker Tailor Soldier Spy (R) 1:15, 4:20, 7:10, 10; The Twilight Saga: Breaking Dawn-Part I (PG13) 2, 4:45, 7:25, 10

D N E M M O

“War Games” Anyone whose parents had HBO in the 1980s came to understand that there were two things they could always count on being on day or night: “Bill Cosby: Himself” and this Matthew Broderick-Ally Sheedy charmer, both from 1983. The two kept millions of latchkey kids occupied until their parents got home for work for several years and both hold up surprisingly well. Sure, “War Games” is at best quaint from a technological standpoint (laughable is also a good adjective), but the story still fascinates. David (Broderick) is a so-so student and a computer genius who somehow manages to tap into a government computer system. He and his bestie/would-be girlfriend Jennifer (Sheedy) begin playing games with the sentient computer who calls himself Joshua. Joshua likes chess; David would rather play Global Thermonuclear War. Unfortunately, Joshua doesn’t understand the difference between a game and real-life, and David becomes the target of unwanted FBI attention, not surprising since he and Joshua set World War III in motion. Will they be able to stop it in time? V. 23 | NO. 02

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ACTION

“Contraband,” rated R, starring Mark Wahlberg, Giovanni Ribisi, Kate Beckinsale. Yet another movie in which Marky Mark plays a good bad guy, this time a former smuggler drawn back into crime to save his brother-in-law. Wonder how long the ladies will have to wait before he takes off his shirt?

COMEDY

“Joyful Noise,” rated PG-13, starring Queen Latifah, Dolly Parton, Keke Palmer. Not really looking forward to this “Glee” on the big screen story about a choir’s attempt to win a national competition. Queen Latifah and Dolly Parton mixing it up should prove at least mildly entertaining, however. “Loosies,” rated PG-13, starring Peter Facinelli, Michael Madsen, Vincent Gallo. Peter Facinelli, minus the pounds of baby powder and blonde hair the “Twilight” folks have him wear, stars as a pickpocket working in the New York subways. Okay…

DRAMA

“The Iron Lady,” rated PG-13, starring Meryl Streep, Jim Broadbent. See the role that will win Meryl her latest Oscar, as she disappears into the guise of former UK Prime Minister Margaret Thatcher. “We Need to Talk About Kevin,” rated R, starring Tilda Swinton, John C. Reilly. See the role that may allow SWINTON! to steal the Best Actress trophy away from Meryl Streep. The craziest fashionista of our day stars as the mother of a teenager who goes on a Colombine-like killing spree.

FAMILY

“Beauty and the Beast 3D,” rated G. Same story, with added effects. Hopefully, those effects will be worth the hike in ticket prices that parents will have to pay.

HORROR

“The Divide,” rated R, starring Michael Biehn, Milo Ventimiglia, Rosanna Arquette. A claustrophobic horror film about the survivors of nuclear attack stuck in an apartment’s basement. Wonder who’ll get eaten first when the supplies run out?

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KENNY SMITH is the funniest guy you’ve never heard of. For more than a decade he has somehow managed to stay just below the radar. But not for long. With several appearances on the Bob and Tom show and tv spots on E! and Comedy Central, Kenny’s audience is growing quickly. He gets audiences laughing- hard! JOHN BURTON has a sharp wit & a candid

act that delivers huge laughs. From politics to cartoons, he covers it all & he’s not afraid to make really silly faces at the same time. Tickets $8 - must be seated by 7:30pm | 18 and up call to reserve your table

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January 13 French Market Grill West turns 15!

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V. 23 | NO. 02

SIGHTINGS

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Brian Brigham, Shelly Manilla, Amber Ross and Daryl Oehrlein at The Comedy Zone at Somewhere in Augusta.

Ceiel Kay, Imad Neo and Jay Ahmad at Robbie’s Sports Pub.

Tracy Tharin and Billy Morris with Lisa and Marty Matfess at Schrodinger’s Cat’s Extreme Theater Games at Le Chat Noir.

SIGHTINGS

Nikolette Amani, Yannik the Filmmaker and Matt Calcutt at the Poison Peach Film Festival at the Imperial Theatre.

Filmmakers and Organizer Christopher Forbes, Lorri McGowan and Actor David Florence at the Poison Peach Film Festival at the Imperial Theatre.

SIGHTINGS

Katie Chandler, Ashley Taylor and Emily Sharp at The Bee’s Knees.

Robyn Snead, Katie Cullum, Allison Matthews and Lacey Valliant Metro Coffeehouse and Pub.

Alex Shi, Katie Duncan, Hilary Matfess and Luke Swanson at Schrodinger’s Cat’s Extreme Theater Games at Le Chat Noir.

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Ashli Baldwin, Terri Harvey and Jessica Scholtes at Bar on Broad.

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>HAPPY HOUR : MON-FRI 4:30 P.M. - 7:00 P.M. DRINK SPECIALS METRO SPIRIT 01.12.12 29

CUISINESCENE

Going Strong

Even after 15 years, things just keep getting better at French Market West

JIM BECK Those expecting a huge Mardi Grasstyle party this week to celebrate French Market Grille West’s 15th anniversary might be a little disappointed. “I’ll have some specials and probably run a special happy hour,” said Owner Jim Beck. “But as far as a big blowout party? Nah.” Those familiar with Beck and his restaurant crew, however, know this is par for the course. Rather than focus on one day, Beck would rather work toward making every day the restaurant is open the best it can be. “Consistency, from the employees to the food,” he said, when asked to name the key to French Market West’s success. “We might drop the ball every now and then, but I think when people come

30 METRO SPIRIT 01.12.12

here, they know exactly what they’re going to get. I’ve worked on some specials here and there, but I haven’t changed anything in a while. When you start taking things off the menu, people will come in and ask where it is. People don’t like change.” What they get are dishes first made famous to Augustans at Surrey Center’s French Market Grille, owned by Chuck and Gail Baldwin. Beck had experience in Cajun and Creole cuisine, too; he worked with his father and brother at A Taste of New Orleans in Atlanta and brought the concept to Augusta. That Walton Way restaurant closed in 1996, however, and Beck was working

as a pipe fitter at the time. “They [the Baldwins] came to me through Chalres Durand, a good friend of mine and I met with Chuck and Gail the weekend of Thanksgiving in 1996. Chuck knew I liked cooking and that I was pretty good at it, but I had a fulltime job; I was working as a pipe welder at the time,” he explained. “After that first meeting, I went to Surrey Center

probably about four or five times over the course of December and spent two or three hours there each time, looking around and working in the kitchen. He wanted to know what I could do.” Chuck Baldwin already had a location picked out for his new venture. In fact, he had recently closed American Diner in July of 1996 and was looking to open French Market Grill West with his partners Carl Swanson and Frank Chirkinian in the same spot on Fury’s Ferry Road. They did just that on January 11, 1997, with Beck in place as kitchen manager. “It was on a Saturday and the place was standing-room only,” Beck recalled. “Then the 13th was on a Monday and we open up for dinner, went a couple of weeks and then opened up for lunch.” Though the French Market name and the great food ensured they had customers, everything wasn’t always easy going for the restaurant. The Fury’s Ferry road widening project made French Market West difficult to get to and the Winn Dixie closing meant fewer people driving by the strip center in which they’re located. Staff changes also forced Beck to take on more responsibilities; within six months of his hiring he was not only overseeing the kitchen, but he was promoted to operations manager as well. And while customers may not like change, it takes more than a bumpy road (literally and figuratively) to ruffle

V. 23 | NO. 02

AMYCHRISTIAN

the laid-back Beck. “It’s business,” he says with a shrug. “It’s life.” Life is pretty good for Beck these days. He bought out Chirkinian in 2004 and Baldwin in 2006, which makes him co-owner of French Market West with original partner Carl Swanson. Customers fill tables for his Crab Leg Night on Tuesdays, or just to get a taste of favorites such as Bourbon Street Duck, Seafood Pasta and the F.C. Philly Cheesesteak Po Boy named after Frank Chirkinian. V. 23 | NO. 02

“I have people come in a say we have the best philly in town,” he said. “We use really good cuts of steak and if you start out with something good, it’s hard not to end up with something good.” As humble as he is hard working, Beck says he still loves his restaurant 15 years in and can’t really see himself doing anything else. “I still get calls about going back to work as a pipe fitter and welder and I’ve actually kicked it around,” he said. “I can always have that to fall back on, but I didn’t spend 80plus hours here for 14 years to turn it over to somebody else.” And that’s very good news for Columbia County diners. French Market Grille West 360 Fury’s Ferry Road, Martinez Lunch: Monday-Saturday, 11 a.m.-3 p.m.; Dinner: Monday-Thursday, 3-10 p.m.; Friday-Saturday, 3-11 p.m. 706-855-5111 frenchmarketwest.com

METRO SPIRIT 01.12.12 31

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Coming hot on the heels of college football crowning the Crimson Tide of Alabama as the 2011 BCS National Champions on Monday, the CSRA will get to celebrate its own night of champions in an exclusive time slot. The second annual WJBF Football Friday Night ESPNHS All-CSRA Football Awards Banquet will be broadcast live to celebrate the area’s standout gridiron stars. The event will be airing live from 8-9 p.m. from the Marriott in beautiful downtown Augusta on WJBF News Channel 6. The co-hosts for the event will be Sports Director Chris Kane and a broadcaster from ESPN. The awards show has become a must-see attraction even in only its second year, raining praise on the area’s best as they get recognized in primetime. “It’s the Heisman Trophy ceremony for Augusta area high school football stars. It’s very unique because I don’t think there is another local news station in the country that honors the best football players with a live 60-minute television show,” said Kane. “News Channel 6 prides itself with providing our viewers with the most in-depth high school football coverage [WJBF’s Football Friday Night is Augusta’s only 30 minute TV show dedicated to high school football] and this is just another way of taking our product to another level.” What’s truly special about getting a coveted spot on this exclusive roster is that the team is chosen is by the same people who watched and game planned against the players all year: Opposing coaches. And as if getting recognized on live TV by an ESPN broadcaster isn’t enough, the folks at Jostens have teamed up to give each player a special keepsake to always remind the players of their outstanding accomplishments. “Each player receives a ring for making the team,” Kane said. “It looks like a Super Bowl ring. It’s a big deal and something they can wear with pride walking around school.” The format for the team is as follows: Twenty-six total players make the team; 13 on offense (starters plus kicker and an all-purpose player); and 13 on defense (starters plus punter and a kick returner). Other awards to be given out: Player of the Year, Offensive Player of the Year, Defensive Player of the Year and Coach of the Year. With this being a live production not taking place in WJBF’s familiar TV studio headquarters, the onus to get it perfect falls on the production crew. A group largely forgotten amongst the shuffle and pageantry of such a large event, but essential to airing a live local event over nationally syndicated programming. “This is a very large commitment from the TV station in manpower and especially man hours. Much of the pre-production began weeks prior to the live show,” said WJBF’s Director of Digital Journalism and Content Scott Elledge, who is himself a former high school and college football player — and whose hulking shoulders make clear he was on the business end of many a collision during his time under the lights. So he understands the importance of how special this is for the athletes and their families. It’s a magical night to celebrate the outstanding accomplishments of our local athletes who have surrendered so much in order to become the best and the brightest. So let’s tune in, in appreciation for all the excitement they’ve brought into our stadiums, and memories that will never fade.

Games to Watch New Orleans at San Francisco: Saturday, January 14, 4:30 p.m. FOX Can the hottest team in the NFL take their offensive firepower to the west coast against the stellar 49er defense? In Brees we trust! Denver at New England: Saturday, January 14, 8 p.m. CBS Hype machine OVERLOAD!!!!!!! Houston at Baltimore: Sunday, January 15, 1 p.m. CBS Let’s take a look at that Raven defense after a bye week. This game will provide great insight into if they are a serious player in the Super Bowl mix. NY Giants at Green Bay: Sunday, January 15, 4:30 p.m. FOX Packers play with a heavy heart after offensive coordinator Joe Philbin lost his son, Michael Philbin, 21, in a drowning accident earlier this week.

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Matt Lane is host of The Weekend Rundown which airs from 10 a.m.-noon Saturdays on News-Talk-Sports 1630 AM. He can be reached at mattlane28@gmail.com or follow him on Twitter @Mattlane28.

V. 23 | NO. 02

ADVICEGODDESS

I Smell a Rut

I just got dumped by a guy who swore he was ready to settle down (after years of serial monogamy). His relationship history reminded me of the man you wrote about recently who had been married and divorced five times and was on relationship number six. Woman number six wrote you, “He’s in his 50s; his marriage-hopping has to stop.” Obviously, she’s fooling herself, but what’s his deal? What’s anyone’s who gets married over and over? — Morbidly Curious

Some model their marriage on their parents’ and some on their parents’ car lease. (Sadly, hanging a new-car smell pine tree around the wife’s neck doesn’t seem to stem the flow of trade-ins.) Everybody wants to believe their love will last, but when a guy’s marrying Wife Number Five, some honesty in vow-making seems called for — for example, “Till mild boredom do us part.” And in keeping with the trend of using movie lines in the ceremony, the groom can turn to the minister at the end and state the Schwarzenegger-accented obvious: “I’ll be back.” The notion that the only valid relationship is one that ends with the partners in twin chairs on the veranda of Senior Acres, rocking off into the sunset together, keeps some of the wrong people chasing it. The truth is, some people just aren’t wired for forever. That’s okay — providing they’re honest with themselves and their partners that for them, lasting relationships last only so long (“when two become as one” and then one starts getting all fidgety for the next one). Even for those who are determined to make forever work, there’s a problem, and it’s called “hedonic adaptation” — getting acclimated to positive additions to our lives and no longer getting the lift out of them that we did at first. This happens with boob jobs, lottery wins — and marriage, explained happiness researcher Dr. Sonja Lyubomirsky on my weekly radio show. Lyubomirsky writes in her terrific book, “The How of Happiness,” of a 15-year study in Germany showing that couples got a big boost in happiness when they got married — a boost that, on average, lasted two years. According to Lyubomirsky, research shows that the most powerful ways to combat hedonic adaptation are adding variety and expressing gratitude. You add variety by shaking up your date night routine, going on vacation (even a quick one) and varying your daily life in small, fun ways. You can express gratitude by buying or making some little thing to say how much you appreciate your partner or by verbally admiring his or her hotitude and wonderful qualities. Lyubomirsky explained, “Gratitude is almost by definition an inhibitor of adaptation,” because adaptation means we’re taking something for granted. “Being grateful for something is appreciating it, savoring it — i.e., not taking it for granted.” Predicting whether a particular guy is a romance junkie can be tough. (It’s not like a meth habit. There are no scabs.) A girlfriend-hopper might swear he’s ready to settle down and believe it — until the moment he realizes he’s not. You’ll want to believe him; we all tend to lead with our ego: “I’ll be the one he’s different for.” This is risky if your ovaries are on the clock. If, however, you can just live in the moment and hope for lots more moments… well, there’s always that chance you’ll end up being his eighth and only.

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The man I’ve been in a long-term on-and-off relationship with has started seeing someone else. He’s cagey about the details, but what’s really bothering me is that she has no clue that I exist. I’m tempted to write her an anonymous note, telling her that I was here first, have been here a long time and am continuing to have sex with her Lothario. — Pen Poised Like many people around the holidays, your thoughts turn to the have-nots: “Hi, I believe you have not heard that I’m having sex with your new boyfriend.” The reality is, you’re looking to escape feeling vulnerable by lashing out. (When life gives you lemons… break some other woman’s windows with them.) The “anonymous” note is really about telling this woman, “Hey! I’m here! I’m lovable! I’m important!” Well, there’s a better way to say those things, and it won’t even take a stamp. Just call this man and say goodbye. This means finally admitting that the parameters of this relationship aren’t working for you. Come on… you’re well-aware you aren’t his one and only, yet there you are complaining, “Waiter, waiter! There’s a harem in my soup!” What is there to say to you but “Yes, madam, of course there is. It’s the Lothario special. It comes with other women on the side.” ©2011, Amy Alkon, all rights reserved. Got a problem? Write Amy Alkon, 171 Pier Ave, #280, Santa Monica, CA 90405, or email adviceamy@aol.com. Also visit advicegoddess.com and read Amy Alkon’s book: “I See Rude People: One Woman’s Battle to Beat Some Manners Into Impolite Society” (McGraw-Hill, $16.95).

V. 23 | NO. 02

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(THEY PAY OUR BILLS!) METRO SPIRIT 01.12.12 33

Jenny Wright lives in Summerville with her husband, who she calls The Man, and two kids, who she affectionately calls The Boy and The Girl. She enjoys taking photos, cooking and playing tennis.

15 in 5

Because I love a list. Especially a random list. •If a restaurant has a sign that reads “no smoking,” (don’t they all?) it’s not appropriate to light your ciggie inside and then walk through the restaurant to go outside to smoke. •Sorry y’all, but people watching in Augusta is hilairious. •Nothing compares to a glass of wine and time spent with a dear friend. •A glass of wine consumed during the daylight hours completely acceptable and always more fun. •FYI, if you are behaving in a way that causes suspicion, your behavior is probably suspicious. I’m just sayin’. When there’s smoke, there’s fire. If it smells like poop and looks like poop, it probably is. •While we’re being iffy, if you do screw up, own it and move on. Oh, and remember

that we live in Augusta. There are no secrets.

•I found a note from The Girl that said, “Dear Mama, I am thinking abowt you in jale [sic].” There is a sweet little pink heart drawn at the end.

•Why on earth does she think I should be in jail? •Not only is she very much into writing us notes rather than talking, but she is all about profundities these days. “And Mama? I know why they call it ice cream. It’s because it’s made of frozen cream.” •“comparing to you, all men are nothing”(someone’s gettin’ lucky tonight), “having kids is like having 2 little drunk people” (my thoughts exactly), and “by the end of my four hour trick the weather was really lousy” (well, if your trick was that long, I’m sure the weather had changed. I’ll bet your audience jumped ship, too.) were all terms used to find my blog this week. I find these endlessly entertaining.

•The warm weather, which I’m sure is about to end, is one of the main reasons we live in the south. Give me 70 and sunny any day of the year. •I have had the opportunity to go on dates with each of my two kids over the past two days. If I do say so myself, they are pretty cool little people. Annoying? Of course, but I’ll keep ‘em. The Boy actually told me that he’s more comfortable when he’s talking. I get the feeling this is my penance. •On his ninth birthday, Patrick Chance was granted freedom from the disease that caused so much suffering. That child had more impact on those around him than most adults ever will. •It’s never easy when a child dies, no matter the circumstances. •Hug your people, and hold them close. We don’t know what tomorrow brings.

JENNYISWRIGHT

34 METRO SPIRIT 01.12.12

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