Metro Spirit 01.22.2004

METRO SPIRIT Jan. 22-28 Vol. 15 No. 25

Augusta’s Independent Voice

A KICK TO THE

SYSTEM

p. 17

Would a Riverboat Float in Augusta? p. 15

2 M E T R O S P I R I T J A N 2 2 2 0 0 4

Eagle 102 and News 12 are sending a Winner and Guest from the CSRA to the BIG GAME in Houston.

Listen to Eagle 102 every weekday between 10am and 7pm. When you hear the cue to call, be the 38th caller to 803-279-1023 and you'll become an instant qualifier (the cue to call plays at least 3 times each weekday).

You can also stop into Bourne Toyota on Washington Road in Augusta and enter to become an instant qualifier.

Plus, look for Eagle 102 and News 12 on location at Bourne Toyota this Saturday from Noon-2pm.

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Look for complete details on the web at

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3 M E T R O S P I R I T J A N 2 2 2 0 0 4

The Comfort Times Local Heating Contractor Announces

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My Point My point is simply this. I believe your furnace is using twice as much gas as it needs to heat your home. I also believe it will break down more often and wear out sooner than it should.

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Billy Lowe of Beverly Hills, as seen on TV's Extreme Makeover, will be making a guest appearance in Augusta for a dynamic evening of Beauty & Skincare. Now's your chance to meet with an industry leader, and learn how to have radiant skin at any age. Concerned with signs of aging? Not sure which products are really right for you? Then don't miss a minute of this exciting and educational evening. Billy will also share this season's hottest makeup tips & trends. Two dates are available - All ages welcome.

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Contents Metro Spirit

M E T R O S P I R I T

J A N U A R Y 2 2 - 2 8 • F R E E W E E K LY • M E T R O S P I R I T. C O M

ON THE COVER

A Kick to the System

By Brian Neill

J A N

. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .17

Cover Design: Stephanie Bell

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FEATURES

Augusta May Be Happening After All By Brian Neill . . . . . . . . . . . . . .14 Would a Riverboat Float in Augusta? By Brian Neill . . . . . . . . . . . . . .15 Opinion Whine Line . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .6 Words . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .6 This Modern World . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .6 Thumbs Up/Thumbs Down . . . . . . . . . . . .7 Letters to the Editor . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .9 Insider . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .12

Bite Make the Trek to Old McDonald Fish Camp and You Won’y Be Sorry . . . . . . . . . . . .20 You Gotta Try Butternut Toffee Latte at Mocha Mark’s . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .20

!

Events 8 Days a Week . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .23

Arts You Can Wear Jeans If You Want To . . . .27 “Die Fledermaus” or “The Marx Brothers Go To Vienna” . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .28 Winter Gathering of Writers . . . . . . . . . .29

Music: CD Reviews G-Unit Owes Success to Jeweler . . . . . .36

Cinema Movie Listings . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .30 Review: Sundance 2004 Examined . . . . .32 Close-Up: Ashton Kutcher . . . . . . . . . . .34 Movie Clock . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .34

Music Lokal Loudness Choice Awards Honor Local Bands . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .21 Downtown Trio Keeps Business Owners Busy . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .35 G-Unit Owes Success to Jeweler . . . . . .36 In The Spirit . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .37 Music by Turner . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .38 Music Minis . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .38 Night Life . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .39

Stuff News of the Weird . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .42 Brezsny’s Free Will Astrology . . . . . . . . .43 New York Times Crossword Puzzle . . . . .43 Amy Alkon: The Advice Goddess . . . . . . .44 Date Maker . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .45 Classifieds . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .47

EDITOR & PUBLISHER David Vantrease ARTS & ENTERTAINMENT EDITOR Rhonda Jones STAFF WRITERS Stacey Eidson, Brian Neill ADVERTISING SALES MANAGER Joe White ACCOUNT EXECUTIVE Kriste Lindler PRODUCTION MANAGER Joe Smith GRAPHIC ARTISTS Stephanie Bell, Natalie Holle, Erin Lummen ACCOUNTING MANAGER/CLASSIFIEDS Sharon King ARTS & ENTERTAINMENT ASSISTANT Lisa Jordan SENIOR MUSIC CONTRIBUTOR Ed Turner CONTRIBUTING WRITERS Amy Alkon, Joey Berlin, Rob Brezsny, Amy Fennell Christian, Rachel Deahl, Chuck Shepherd CARTOONIST Tom Tomorrow

METRO SPIRIT is a free newspaper published weekly on Thursday, 52 weeks of the year. Editorial coverage includes arts, local issues, news, entertainment, people, places and events. In our paper appear views from across the political and social spectrum. The views do not necessarily represent the views of the publishers. Visit us at www.metrospirit.com. Copyright © Metro Spirit, Inc. Reproduction or use without permission is prohibited. Phone: (706) 738-1142 Fax: (706) 733-6663 E-mail: spirit@metrospirit.com Letters to the Editor: P.O. Box 3809, Augusta, Ga. 30914-3809

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6 M E T R O S P I R I T

Whine Line

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A

buddy has been teaching me how to play golf, and boy is my liver tired.

I love the billboard for the Columbia News Times online with the beautiful young girl sitting barefoot in the sun intently studying her laptop screen. The Columbia News Times?

What, pray tell, could she be interested in?

Deed transfers? Who won the beauty contest at the old folks’ home? Give me a break!

Apparently, all Al Qaeda has to do is to “chatter” via nameless radio communications and the Homeland Security Department will declare “Code Orange” or “Code Red.” Al Qaeda does not have to lift arms, expose personnel to danger, do any actual damage or violence. Just chatter away and Tom Ridge will do the real work of terrorizing the American people. Vote the terrorists out of office in 2004!

I have a question for the Columbia County Sheriff’s Department. What will it take to get the speeding on Oakley Perkle Road under control? A walker or a bike rider being struck? Not only is it a residential area with a speed limit posted at 35 mph, but it is also a school zone and home to one of our fine fire stations. People moving into this area have no regard for the quality of life previously experienced here in Columbia County. But it is up to you guys on the street to keep these people in line.

finding a city loaded with a more backwards, provincial and politically unbalanced population anywhere else. I dare you.

A great big thank you to Mrs. G. C. Evans for her letter to the Metro Spirit about the Sugar Bowl and its advertising. I don’t have a Nokia phone, but if I did, it would be in the garbage.

I don’t stop at those fast food joints whose advertising is nothing but a bunch of disgusting rap “garbage”. I, too, am upset that some of corporate America sees everyone as liking the garbage and filth they call advertising or entertainment. By the way, I am not like Mrs. Evans; I’m a middle-aged black man and this rap/hip-hop crap disgusts me.

Are there any decent women left in Augusta?

It seems like every woman I meet is either pregnant with a baby and she doesn’t know who the real father is, thinks Wal-Mart has fashionable clothing, bathes once a week, eats a bucket of chicken as a between-meal snack, smells like Cheese Whiz, is a lesbian who makes Martha Burk seem feminine, has a 1982 poofy hairstyle that requires hourly hairspraying or thinks that a homecooked meal is heating up canned soup in a microwave at home.

OK everybody, back to Code Yellow. Let’s get Central Avenue re-opened now. Osama had his chance to keep me from the Dairy Queen and he blew it yet again.

Wow. I went on the Calhoun Expressway this morning, and, at the speed limit, it appeared I was moving at a crawl. Almost all the cars were exceeding the speed limit by at least 30 miles per hour. What would you do if you had to suddenly stop? Or avoid an animal? You’d crash. Luckily, your Simply Unacceptable Vehicles (SUVs) are built like tanks and you’d probably survive the crash. Not so lucky if you go right off the bridge. Y’all are idiots.

You know you’re in the Bible Belt when your city’s commission bows down to every whim of local churches just to cripple perfectly law abiding business owners (as with Augusta’s commission denying a liquor license to a restaurant that met distance requirements from the church). Try

Whine challenge? You want to know what’s really wrong with Augusta? How about the Metro Spirit? You decided to print some of the Best Whines in 2003. What did you do, go to that dump of a democratic headquarters on Broad Street and let them pick the best

Words “Sitting on the sidelines for the past 12 months has been painful and very humbling.”

— Former state Sen. Charles Walker as quoted in a statement he released last week announcing that he would seek re-election to his old state senate seat currently held by state Sen. Randy Hall.

At least Walker’s statement is half true. No doubt the loss of power has been painful to Walker. But humbling? Get real.

ones? These whines were filled with nothing but Bush-bashing, queer supporting, Rush Limbaugh and Austin Rhodes hating crap.

There was not one pro-Republican view among them. You people ooze with liberal agenda. You are a bunch of yellow-bellied cowards led by the king of cowards, David Vantrease. Your paper is free because it’s not worth the paper it’s printed on.

Columbia County planners must not even exist if Evans Towne Center reflects the results of their planning. With the passage of time, one will be very fortunate to even be able to drive through the obstacle course from Publix to Evans Diner. There are no alternate routes around the mess and no room for expansion.

Perhaps the subliminal thought is to see if people do better than mice in a maze.

What’s the deal with Eagle 102.3? I thought they were a music station not a sports channel. Do they have some illusion that people want to hear all those Augusta Lynx games instead of music? I am done with you. It just proves how much Augusta radio stations suck. Musically, Augusta is the dead zone of the South.

Charles Walker will seek his old office, but it’s not political? Since when is running for political office not political? I just bought a lotto ticket, but not for the money.

I bet there’s one person President Bush would like to send to the moon — that would be former Treasury Secretary O’Neal.

Ms. 72 pounds, get off the treadmill. Mission accomplished.

Zell Miller built his very successful political career by feeding at the Democratic Party cornucopia. Now he is going around the country criticizing those same Democrats who always supported him. He has become so unethical that he is supporting the worst president we’ve ever had, George W. Bush. Zell should quit calling himself a Democrat and use the party name that fits him best, a hypocrite. He must be very comfortable rubbing elbows

with all those racial bigots and rednecks in the Republican Party.

Our boys from the 63rd are coming home in February; some local support from the mayor would be nice. They have been gone for a year.

When they got to Iraq there were no showers, toilets or any other basic comforts. They deserve our total support. The effects of this war are still here; it is still going on. Support our troops. If they are in desert tan uniforms, make that extra effort; they probably haven’t experienced anything nice for awhile.

Why do people insist on badgering others who enjoy the luxury of having a cell phone?

Is it because they do not have one? Is it not in their financial future? I’ve had one for several years now and have no trouble talking on it and driving. Realize this: It’s not the cell phone; it’s the driver. The person in question can’t drive to begin with, so stop blaming their reckless motor skills on technology.

Regarding the article on Room 9 opening in a month or so, I see where they are going to offer a space for local artists to show their work.

Now that’s fresh. Maybe a few of the other bars and restaurants downtown will follow suit.

I assume you must be referring to me as one of those young toughs at the coffee shop.

That’s real funny. Our yardman made a crack like that once, and the housekeeper had to pull me off him.

The Whine Line Challenge? For you to stop printing all the stupid whines about Ron double-Cross whatever, or anything else that has to do with the Columbia County commission.

Those people are amateurs when it comes to dysfunction and strife. The Richmond County commission has earned the right. You Columbia County people are posers.

Oh my goodness! Are the people in Georgia crazy? Charles Walker is only out for himself; he is not even interested in helping the black community. The black community only comes into play when ol’ Charles needs to play the race card.

Isn’t the CSRA the second largest city in the state of Georgia? If X-Mart has a product and people are buying it, then there is a market for it! Why is this such a big deal? Didn’t anyone tell the commissioners that adults have sex?

This week’s headline is “The Birth of a King.” When I honestly saw the headline in the newsstand, I thought it was about Jesus Christ or at least Elvis. It just galls me to have to take the MLK holiday. It is required.

But get this: We have to work on Veterans’ Day. We have to honor Martin Luther King, but not the hundreds of thousands who serve this entire country and not just one race. I think our bosses should be ashamed to make us work on Veterans’ Day and celebrate MLK Day. Guess who I work for? Oh, you have probably already guessed: Richmond County, specifically the Augusta-Richmond County Library.

— Call our Whine Line at 510-2051 and leave your comments. We won’t use your name. Fax your whines by dialing (706) 733-6663 or e-mail your whines to whine@metrospirit.com.

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Thumbs Up When most rock singers speak about politics, few listen. But when Bono, the lead singer of the Irish band U2, was honored by the King Center on Jan. 19 for his humanitarian work around the world, he not only made sense, he actually paid Georgia a compliment. He told The Atlanta Journal-Constitution that while world leaders may have thought

that the wealthy resort of Sea Island, Ga., would be a safe, conservative atmosphere to hold this summer’s G-8 summit, they may be in for a little surprise. “I met some pretty energetic people (in Georgia) and they’ve got something they want to say,” Bono reportedly said. “And they’re going. (The G-8) can be on an island if they want, but these people can swim.”

Thumbs Down Gov. Sonny Perdue began this year’s legislative session in Atlanta by announcing his “no-tax-increase” promise and proposing a $1 billion bond package to raise needed revenue and help boost Georgia’s economy, the Atlanta JournalConstitution reported this week. While it all sounds well and good, some critics of Perdue fear that the governor’s plan will end up pushing local municipal governments deeper into debt. Even local state Rep. Ben Harbin (R-Evans) told the news-

paper he had some concerns about Perdue’s proposal, saying, “We’re up here beating our chests and saying we’re not going to pass any tax increase. But if our locals are having to pass them because of something we’ve done, then we are a party to a tax increase.” Let’s all pray Perdue knows what he’s doing, but if last year was any indication, Georgia could be in serious trouble.

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8 M E T R O S P I R I T J A N 2 2 2 0 0 4

Enter & Win

a Valentine’s Day to Remember

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Metro Spirit/Valentine’s Sweepstakes • P.O. Box 3809 • Augusta, GA 30914-3809 E-mail: spirit@metrospirit.com Fax: 706-733-6663 Deadline for entry is Monday, Feb. 9 at 12 Noon. Random drawing held on Monday, Feb. 9. Must be 21 years or older to enter.

9

Letters to the Editor

M E T R O

31st Anniversary of Roe v. Wade Dear Editor, Jan. 22 marks the 31st anniversary of Roe v. Wade, the Supreme Court decision that made a woman’s right to choose abortion legal in America. It comes at a time when the country is clearly divided on many issues. The issue of abortion rights in this country is only one of a number of issues that illustrate the value we place on the lives of women: their right to reproductive autonomy, their right to access healthcare and their very right to be decision-makers.

The right to choose has always been an important issue for me. My time as a clinic escort for women coming to Planned Parenthood has increased my resolve. Clinic escorts buffer clients from harrassment by protesters as they make their way from their cars and the sidewalk. In Augusta, anti-choice protestors have increased their presence in front of Planned Parenthood, seeking to

intimidate and shame women coming for abortions, surgical sterilization and healthcare services that include cancer screenings, birth control and STD and HIV testing. What I find astounding is that these protesters, many of whom euphemistically call themselves “sidewalk counselors”, are comfortable spreading misinformation intended to frighten women.

For those of us who work to support women in the many challenges they face, we have to ask the opposition what it is they work toward, what are they “for” and how will they help to make this country a better place for women and families? Why is it that all we hear is “no”?

This year we challenge those who oppose abortion to prove their convictions by supporting the FDA committee recommendation that Plan B, the morning after pill that prevents pregnancy after unprotected sex, be made available over the counter. Increased access

to this medication can help prevent 800,000 abortions each year. Further, those who oppose abortion can similarly help ensure that it is less necessary by supporting comprehensive sex education so that young people can learn the many skills they need, including information about contraception, to help them delay parenting.

On Jan. 22, I will be celebrating the anniversary of Roe v. Wade. I am excited about organizing my friends and Planned Parenthood supporters to join the hundreds of thousands of others attending the March for Women’s Lives on Sunday, April 25, in Washington, D.C. We will stand up to defend a woman’s right to choose and ensure that this will not be the last year that the Roe Anniversary is observed!

THANK YOU For Supporting Our Advertisers

— Mary Beth Pierucci Director of External Affairs Planned Parenthood

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10

Letters to the Editor

M E T R O S P I R I T

Will the Real Zell Miller Please Stand Up?

J A N 2 2 2 0 0 4

Dear Editor,

Life is hectic. Weekends shouldn't have to be. Join Scott Simon for Weekend Edition every Saturday at 8:00 AM on WACG, 90.7 FM. Reclaim your Saturday and hear weekend news, views, and commentary. From gardening tips and film reviews to in-depth news analysis, Peabody Award-winning host Scott Simon eases you into the weekend with a fresh

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Richmond County Republican Party Mass Meetings The Richmond County Republican Party, Pursuant to the Rules of the Georgia Republican Party here by makes and issues this, the Official Call, to all legal and qualified voters of Richmond County, Georgia who are in accord with the principles of the Republican Party, believe in its polices and are in sympathy with its aims and its purposes, to unite in the pursuant to this call. There shall be Mass Meetings (by County Commission District) on February 7th, 2004 at 10:00 AM at the following location, which shall elect Delegates and Alternates to the County Convention.

Academy of Richmond County High School 910 Russell Street Augusta, Georgia 30904

A hypocrite is defined as someone who pretends to be one thing, but eventually the truth reveals them to be impostors. These hypocrites are willing to do anything and take advantage of anyone to promote themselves and their careers. Well, we have a fullfledged hypocrite in the United States senate and his name is Zell Miller.

However, we shouldn’t be too surprised to learn who the real Zell Miller is because his political opponents in the past described him as “Zig-Zag Zell” yet, Democrats like myself thought he was one of us and we defended him and voted for him. Well, now we know that Zig-Zag doesn’t even come close to describing what a hypocrite Zell Miller really is.

Zell began his career pretending to be a Democrat at a time when a Republican had no chance of being elected in Georgia. He spent many years eating from the Democratic Party banquet table and now he is going around the country ridiculing Democrats and takes pride in supporting George W. Bush. After pretending to be a Democrat for several decades Zell now says the Democratic Party has abandoned him and that he didn’t really mean it when he supported Walter Mondale’s and Bill Clinton’s presidential campaigns. This is nothing more than his attempt to excuse his hypocrisy.

During the 1930s, ‘40s, and ‘50s most Southern Democrats were racial bigots and supported segregation. However, that began to change in the 1960s when the national Democratic Party took the high road in support of the rights of all Americans, including AfricanAmericans. Since that time those bigots began moving over to the Republican Party. Just look at what has happened in Georgia in the last few years. We now have an ex-Democrat, Sonny Perdue, who wrapped himself in the Confederate Battle Flag and got himself elected as governor by racially demonizing Roy Barnes. Immediately after the 2002 election four Georgia state senators, including Richmond County’s top redneck Don Cheeks, got elected while pretending to be Democrats and then switched to the Republican Party, giving them an illegitimate majority in the Georgia Senate. This is repeated all over the South. In fact, Zell’s newfound Republican buddies are the same ones that defeated one of Georgia’s bravest and most patriotic senators, Max Cleland, by demonizing him as a friend of Osama bin Laden. Republicans know no shame when it comes to lying about their opponents to further their own political fortunes.

Obviously, Zell has no conscience and will feel very comfortable in the GOP (Garbage of Politics).

— Paul L. Cook

Registration begins 9:00 AM and convention convenes 10:00 AM. COUNTY, DISTRICTS AND GEORGIA STATE CONVENTIONS The Richmond County Convention will convene on, Saturday, March 6th, 2004 at 10:00 AM, at the Augusta-Richmond County Municipal Building, (Courtroom #1).

The 9th District Convention will convene at 10:00 AM in Winder, Georgia on Saturday, April 3rd, 2004.

Don’t Miss bite EACH WEEK IN METRO SPIRIT

The 12th District Convention will convene at 10:00 AM in Augusta, Georgia on Saturday, April 3rd, 2004.

The Georgia Republican Party State Convention will convene at 2:00 PM on Friday, May 14th, 2004 in Columbus, Georgia.

David M. Barbee Chairman Richmond County Republican Party

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urprise! Surprise! Former state Sen. Charles Walker is running for election to his old District 22 state Senate seat. The announcement has been anticipated for a while in political circles even though a federal probe into his political and business dealings looms in the distance. As it stands now, Walker will run against state Sen. Randy Hall, who defeated him last November to take the seat.

The announcement was vintage Walker.

Bellowing about his commitment to public service, while taking swipes at Hall and his old buddy, state Sen. Don Cheeks (D-23), Walker threw down the gauntlet as if he were doing Augusta a favor by running again. His announcement was peppered with references to him as champion of the little people (who knew?) and the need to get Augusta back on track. Of course, according to Walker, he is the man for the job.

Walker made a point of telling us that his candidacy is not about personal redemption, ego or partisan hardball politics. Of course, it is about all three of those things. It’s also about the money.

Walker built his business empire through political connections and government contracts, while utilizing his considerable political clout to muscle bucks out of every organization that would play the game. No doubt, Walker’s businesses are hurting now that he is a private citizen.

Finally, Walker couldn’t resist making race an issue. He rarely does resist. Take this excerpt from his announcement: “I can hear the voice of my father saying, ‘Sometimes we fall down and we must get up. Remember the history of your great grandfather, and the Dred Scott Decision of 1857, when the Supreme Court said that the black man had no rights that the courts had to recognize.

Remember the history of your grandfather who toiled the fields as a sharecropper and conquered the system of Jim Crow. Remember the journey from Burke County in the middle of the dark and damp night when we stood up for justice and equality for all, and the price we had to pay.’ I can hear my father saying, ‘Charles, get up. Get up Charles and serve your people.”’

No doubt Walker is proud of his performance and is anxious to get back into the political fray. Many Augustans, however, don’t look forward to it at all. More later.

Former state Sen. Charles Walker

Heard on the Street Jan. 14 came and went without District 9 state legislators choosing a district representative to the Department of Transportation (DOT) board. As The Insider has reported, current District 9 board member Jimmy Lester and former Augusta Commissioner Bill Kuhlke are the strongest candidates. Two other people who expressed interest in the job have bowed out due to lack of support.

Insiders in Atlanta report that the vote was postponed by Democrats to allow their man, Lester, more time to lobby for votes. Apparently, he didn’t have enough Republican support to push him over the top. So, his Democratic friends decided to wait on the vote. Exactly when the vote will be held is up in the air.

— The views expressed in this column are the views of The Insider and do not necessarily represent the views of the publisher.

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14 M E T R O S P I R I T

Augusta May Be Happening After All

J A N 2 2 2 0 0 4

A

suspicious smile, as if this might be a joke, comes across Barry White’s face when it’s suggested to him that the pieces of Augusta’s tourism puzzle may be finally coming together.

It’s as if the message that he’s been trying to drive home to locals for the past several years finally resonated with at least one person, anyway.

White, executive director of the Augusta Metropolitan Convention and Visitors Bureau, remembers when he first came to Augusta in 1991.

At the time, there wasn’t a whole lot to brag about.

“The museum of history was in an old building over on Telfair Street,” White recalls. “(The refurbished) Woodrow Wilson’s home wasn’t here, Fort Discovery wasn’t here, Riverwalk was just opened, Golf and Gardens wasn’t here, Springfield Village wasn’t here, the Canal Interpretive Center wasn’t here, Lucy Laney Museum was just a small entity without a home, I think, at the time. The Oliver and Hardy Museum wasn’t here, Savannah Rapids Pavilion wasn’t here.”

Since that time, those things — and more — have improved and evolved.

Most recently, the addition of replica Petersburg boat rides on the canal have given Augusta more brochure fodder for convention planners and potential day-trippers eyeing the city for the first time.

Artists’ Row and First Friday are thriving.

New restaurants have been added.

To even the casual observer who’s spent any amount of time here, things certainly seem to be looking up.

“And that’s just in recent history, in recent years,” White said at his office in Enterprise Mill.

It does, indeed, seem people are starting to take notice of the Garden City.

Two weeks ago, The Atlanta JournalConstitution, which reaches roughly a million readers a day, ran a profile of a daytrip to Augusta.

In it, the simulated visitor stayed at the Azalea Inn bed-and-breakfast, visited Broad Street and Artists’ Row and took in dinner at Luigi’s (and also advised potential visitors not to be put off by a nearby strip joint).

The next day, the visitor awoke, took a stroll along Riverwalk, had lunch at Boll Weevil and visited sites like Augusta Golf and Gardens, Woodrow Wilson’s boyhood home and the Lucy Craft Laney Museum of Black History, before acknowledging that there were plenty of other sites and attractions to see if one had more than a day to do it.

The AMCVB also hosted a travel writer

Barry White

from Southern Living last year and the magazine already published the first installment of several planned feature articles on Augusta, this one featuring Artists’ Row. The AMCVB spent a couple hundred dollars for a few meals and a hotel stay for the writer and, in exchange, White asserts, Augusta will receive the equivalent of tens of thousands of dollars in advertising from the articles running in the widely read magazine.

But that’s not to say all is sweet tea and pecan pie as far as tourism is concerned.

White acknowledged that hotel revenues and occupancy were flat for 2003.

However, White said those figures don’t show the entire picture.

“In ‘02, we had, and I’m talking Richmond and Columbia counties, five new hotels open.

No new hotels in ‘03. So, we added a lot of room inventory which had to be absorbed,” White said. “So, for the revenue to be flat, I think, especially in today’s economy ... that’s a good sign.”

White also pointed to three new hotels currently in various stages of construction in the Augusta area as an indication that investors are expecting visitor growth.

Still, there has been a decline in visitors in the past year or two, particularly in terms of conferences, with streamlined budgets and lay-offs still part of the current corporate environment, White said.

“Attendance is down just a little bit,” White said. “The number of delegates that are coming

By Brian Neill

to meetings is a little bit lower than what we’ve seen in past years, which trends right along with the national averages.”

According to the most recent figures available from the AMCVB, Augusta saw 1,167 fewer visitors to the Cotton Exchange Welcome Center between the months of January and November of 2003 than the previous year.

White said about 40 percent of the visitors to Augusta are coming to see friends and relatives. The rest of the visitors are split between day-trips, conventions or merely passing through, the guestbook at the Cotton Exchange indicates.

Augusta may soon have even more attractions at its disposal with the potential for funding more than $200 million in arts and cultural projects through voter-approved, special purpose local option sales taxes this year.

Though it’s unlikely all of those projects will be approved, the wish list includes a $50 million performing arts center, a 40,000square-foot exhibit hall and trade center, an amphitheater in south Augusta, a pedestrian bridge across the Savannah River and, of course, the $94 million sports arena that has been proposed at the site of the defunct Regency Mall.

Even if only a portion of those projects are approved, it would still go a long way toward putting Augusta on even par with comparably sized cities in the region such as Macon and Columbus, White said.

But more than bricks and mortar, White

said, the thing he’d like most to see in the coming year is an increased awareness on the part of Augustans of what they have here.

That’s the thrust behind a locally sponsored, TV ad campaign that recently began.

The 30-second spots feature various aspects of the area.

One of them shows a golfer trying to play a ball out of the water.

In Augusta, “Not all water is considered a hazard,” the ad’s text reads, before going on to show images of the Augusta Canal, Lake Thurmond and the Riverwalk.

Other ads — eight in all — are planned that will feature things like the local arts community, Columbia County and the area’s festivals and events.

White hopes the ads raise awareness among local citizens about the assets Augusta possesses and encourage them to take pride in the community.

“I would want people to get out and do these things. Too often, I hear people haven’t been to these places,” White said. “The average citizen really needs to get out there and learn what we’ve got to offer.”

“You know, sometimes it’s just too easy to look outside (the area) when you think about what you’re going to do this weekend, you always think, getaways or whatever,” White added. “But a lot of times you can explore what you’ve got right here and we’ve got a tremendous amount of things going on here.”

15

Would a Riverboat Float in Augusta? By Brian Neill

O

ne thing Barry White, executive director of the Augusta Metro Convention and Visitors Bureau, acknowledges is missing from Augusta’s tourism picture is an attraction that allows visitors to actually experience the Savannah River.

“Water’s a draw, whether it’s the canal or the (Thurmond) lake or the river,” White said. “We need to get people on the river.”

Perhaps the most logical way to do that is through a dinner cruise or riverboat.

Though he doesn’t consider it an immediate priority, White says he has been in recent contact with riverboat operators in hopes of securing such an attraction for Augusta.

However, the New Savannah Bluff Lock and Dam remains an obstacle.

The lock and dam, a bone of contention between the Augusta area and the U.S. Army Corps of Engineers for some time now, is operational, but only on a call-ahead basis, three days a week, said Rick Toole, secretary of the Augusta Port Authority.

A bi-state agreement between Augusta and North Augusta to restore the lock and dam to its fully operational status has stalled for the time being for lack of funding in Congress.

White said the part-time nature of the lock and dam is not convenient for potential riverboat operators.

“In conversations with people who have riverboats and would consider bringing a boat to Augusta, the lock is important to them,” White said. “They want to have access; they don’t want to be restricted between the rapids and the dam.”

White said operators also require easy access through the lock and dam to reach drydock facilities in Savannah for repairs and inspections.

Though declining to name the riverboat operators with whom he’s spoken, White said he’s been in contact with them as recently as the past month or two.

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White said the attraction was a valuable tourism resource.

“It was a great thing to sell,” White said.

“I mean, groups for a convention, they’re looking for a place to eat. It was a great asset for us and we’d love to have it back.”

Thanks, but no thanks, says Angie Morris.

Morris, the former owner of Augusta Riverboat Cruises, which operated the Augusta Princess, said running a riverboat in Augusta amounted to one headache after another.

At her Evans home, Morris recently recalled the time her husband called her from the riverfront on July 4, 1994, prior to the evening’s planned Fourth of July cruise.

He told her not to bother coming down to the river.

“The city had ordered the water lowered to paint the docks down river and at the marina,” Morris recalled. “The boat was sitting in mud.”

Morris said no one with the city had notified her of the planned river draw-down.

“All we asked for is, let us know if it’s coming or going so we can move to another

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The constant fluctuations of water flow through the Thurmond Lake Dam into the Savannah River wreaked havoc with Morris’ business.

“Half the time we were fighting the Corps of Engineers in terms of the water levels, and floods and water up and down. Very seldom was the water level related to weather. It was usually related to electricity (generation),” Morris said. “I used to say, this is the only place in the world where we had high tides and low tides, we just never knew when they were coming. I mean, I’ve seen our sheds float down the river with everything in them, where we had dishes and supplies and where the water would just flood us out.”

When Morris approached U.S. Coast Guard officials in an effort to restore the drawbridge function of the railroad bridge, which her riverboat’s wheelhouse would not clear, they agreed she had a valid, legal request, but would have to take it up with Norfolk Southern.

Morris said she knew Norfolk Southern

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Instead, she improvised, chopping and lowering the boat’s smokestacks and wheelhouse so the vessel would fit beneath the railroad bridge.

Through all these tribulations and attempts to adapt, Morris said she found little in the way of community support.

“We may have been in there too early like many ventures of that sort. You know, it may have been too early for people to realize what it was and what it meant in terms of a tourist draw for the community,” Morris said. “There were a few people, politically, who really didn’t understand the value of it.”

Then, Morris said, events like River Race Augusta came along, meaning the Augusta Princess was unable to operate several weekends during the year.

“We felt like some of the water events that were going on were not helping the city, they were probably doing more damage to the riverfront, because more people that we knew would stay away from the river during times like some of the river events, the drag-boat races and all,” Morris said. “That was not necessarily attracting the right kind of people. And that would shut us down. And basically, in more than one year, that was the difference between red ink and black ink.”

Finally, Morris and her husband decided it wasn’t worth it anymore and they decided to sell the boat to an operator in Jacksonville, Fla. Morris said she still occasionally gets calls from riverboat operators feeling out the Augusta market.

She said she tries to be encouraging, but she’s also honest.

“I’m encouraging about the need Augusta has. I always have thought it would be something good for Augusta,” Morris said. “But, until the powers-that-be are willing to be supportive in the sense of solving some of the problems that are inherent with the water levels and all, I think it’s an uphill battle.”

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M E T R O S P I R I T J A N 2 2 2 0 0 4

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or the better part of seven years, the Adbusters Media Foundation, along with its quarterly magazine, Adbusters, has been skewering corporate America and its consumerist culture.

From spoof magazine ads like one featuring a withering vodka bottle with the words “Absolut Impotence” beneath it, to erudite musings on the impact of advertising and marketing on society, Adbusters has sought to change the way people view the art of shilling.

But now, the group is putting its money where its mouth is.

Already, Adbusters has run a full-page ad in The New York Times and a TV commercial during CNN’s “Crossfire” to promote a new sneaker it’s calling the Blackspot.

This spoof ad, however, differs from those of the past in one major way: Adbusters actually plans to produce and market the sneaker.

Kalle Lasn, Adbusters’ founder, said the idea for the sneaker actually began with a

spoof ad on the back of Adbusters magazine. After the ad received a lot of attention, however, Lasn gave serious thought to producing a shoe.

The Blackspot targets what Adbusters considers one of its foremost foes, Nike, along with the company’s CEO, Phil Knight.

“Phil Knight had a dream: He’d sell shoes.

He’d sell dreams. He’d get rich. He’d use sweatshops if he had to,” reads ad copy for the Blackspot. “Then along came a new shoe. Plain. Simple. Cheap. Fair. Designed for only one thing. Kicking Phil’s a—.”

“The reason we’re going after Nike isn’t so much because they’re still doing a lot of dirty deeds in the Third World,” Lasn said by phone from his home in Vancouver. “We’re going after them because we feel the Nike logo is, to put it coolly, we feel it’s sort of a mind-f—.”

Lasn said that Nike uses marketing strategies that imply one can purchase attributes like courage and self-esteem.

Most of those ads specifically target young people, Lasn said.

“And they may spend a hundred bucks on a pair of Nike sneakers and, yeah, maybe for a week or two they actually feel a little bit empowered, but ultimately it’s a mind-f—, because you can’t buy confidence; you can’t buy empowerment,” Lasn said. “So ultimately, the teenager actually feels more doubt and feels more lack of self-esteem than they did before they bought the sneakers.”

Lasn said Adbusters is close to reaching its goal of getting 5,000 pre-orders for the shoe, which he described as a white “Converse knock-off” with a plain black spot for a logo (although the ad depicts a black sneaker with a white spot, Lasn said that was merely another bit of irony).

The black spot essentially represents the blotting out of Nike’s ubiquitous “Swoosh” design.

Lasn said the only real thing left for Adbusters to do is find an ethically run factory.

“Late last year we thought we had zeroed in on just the factory we wanted

in South Korea and that turned out to be a factory that ceased to be a union shop, so we gave that up,” Lasn said. “Then we had some consultants show us a factory in Indonesia. That didn’t work out. Then we looked at China, we actually went to China and checked out this factory and that also didn’t turn out to be the sort of factory that we wanted to do business with.”

Lasn said shoe-making is not the considerable undertaking some might believe it to be.

“People imagine that it’s some huge, big deal, but it’s not,” Lasn said. “All you need is $150,000 and you have to find a factory that can give you the kind of shoe that you’re after.”

Lasn said the Blackspot sneaker would sell for $40 or $45.

It likely goes without saying, Nike officials aren’t exactly quaking in their — shoes.

“Uh, no,” said Caitlan Morris, senior continued on page 18

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continued from page 17 manager for global issues management with Nike, who was already familiar with Adbusters and the Blackspot sneaker campaign. “We’ve got much bigger tasks ahead of us.”

Morris added that Nike is taking a waitand-see approach to the matter of the Blackspot sneaker.

“I can tell you, Nike’s position for the most part on this is, let’s see them make a shoe first,” Morris said. “Certainly, we commend their efforts to join competitive business and, if they are, indeed, going to be a manufacturer of shoes, we’d love it if they’d join the Fair Labor Association, which is a multi-stakeholder group committed to transparency around improving labor conditions.”

Nike has received its fair share of criticism over the years for its use of child-age laborers in sweatshops.

In the late 1990s, companies like Nike adopted “no-sweat” policies and even incorporated the phrase into product packaging in an effort to improve their images.

But criticism of Nike’s labor practices were at the forefront of discussion as recently as 2001, when an MIT student with a sardonic sense of humor sought to have the word “Sweatshop” stitched onto a pair of Nike shoes through a customizing service the company was promoting.

Needless to say, Nike refused, and as a result, the student’s ironic request created a substantial media buzz.

Even Lasn concedes that Nike has somewhat improved its labor practices, although he maintains it hasn’t been without much prodding.

“They have improved a lot and, to a large degree, I think they’ve sort of cleaned up this ugly mess that they had for many years,” Lasn said. “But they’ve done it reluctantly and Phil Knight has continued to play this aggressive cat-and-mouse game with the no-sweat movement.”

Morris, the Nike official, defended the company’s labor practices, saying that it submits to unannounced inspections of its factories by members of the Fair Labor Association.

“There will always be people on the other side of the debate, but what I would hope is that people would take the time and effort to sort of make their points using an accurate set of facts,” Morris said. “We’ll continue to make improvements; it’s an ever-evolving process. And when you’re working with a factory base of more than 900 factories in any given year, things happen. But our commitment is continuous improvement.”

Morris also saw irony in the fact that Adbusters was resorting to advertising to get its anti-advertising message across, something other critics of Lasn’s group have pointed out.

“It’s a testimony to the strength of the Nike brand that Adbusters has chosen to use Nike as their leverage point for selling their own shoe,” Morris said. “So I guess I would say, they’ve jumped in the soup with everyone else on this one.”

Indeed, Lasn is no stranger to the advertising world.

The Estonian-born immigrant worked as an ad man with a Tokyo marketing firm in the late 1960s.

After later moving to North America, Lasn became disenchanted with the advertising industry when he witnessed how hard it was to get public service commercials aired on Canadian TV stations.

In short, Lasn’s frustration eventually led to the formation of Adbusters.

Lasn denied playing the same game as big corporations by introducing the Blackspot, adding that proceeds from the sale of the shoe could help support a new wave of independent stores and products.

“And the big idea behind the Blackspot sneaker is, we’re actually trying to sell a real authentic kind of empowerment, where if you’re wearing the Blackspot sneaker, you’re actually doing some good in the world,” Lasn said. “You can confidently wear that pair of sneakers and say, ‘Yeah, I’m helping to keep a big bad company like Nike honest and I’m trying to cut into the market share of corporations and trying to create a more bottom-up form of capitalism.’”

For more information on the Blackspot sneaker, visit blackspotsneaker.org.

“And the big idea behind the Blackspot sneaker is, we’re actually trying to sell a real authentic kind of empowerment, where if you’re wearing the Blackspot sneaker, you’re actually doing some good in the world.”

— Adbusters founder Kalle Lasn

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Bite

Make the Trek to Old McDonald Fish Camp and You Won’t Be Sorry

By Amy Fennell Christian

J A N 2 2 2 0 0 4

I

f you’re in the mood for seafood, Old McDonald Fish Camp might be the place for you. But you’ll have to really be in the mood because, if you live in Augusta, Old McDonald is about a half hour’s drive away to the Sweetwater Community in North Augusta.

And getting there, it would seem at first, is just half the battle.

Once you arrive, you’ll turn into a driveway that seems to go on forever. Cars stretch out for what seems miles and you’ll get a sinking feeling that your best laid plans may yet go awry. People young and old mill around outside, getting duck food from an old candy machine to feed the inhabitants of the concrete-bottomed stream running under the covered bridge at the entrance.

Step inside and find another waiting area. Sure, there are rocking chairs by a fire, but most of the long area looks oddly like a doctor’s waiting room, although a waiting room of a doctor’s office in some bizarre alternate universe. Wood-backed chairs line the perimeter of the room and there are two rows running down the center, back to back, just waiting for patrons to band together for a giant game of musical chairs.

So getting to a table feels a bit like an obstacle course.

But, happily, the folks at Old McDonald reward you well for your efforts.

As many people as there were on a recent Saturday night, the wait turned out to be less than 15 minutes, which I thought was pretty extraordinary. And there’s a

lot to take in during those minutes, such as the stream containing both ducks and giant catfish and walls crammed with food memorabilia and plaques with funny sayings on them.

The dining room is crowded, and if you have to get up you might have to maneuver around waitresses carrying plates crammed with food. The tables are covered with green and white checked vinyl and a roll of paper towels stands in for napkins. If I wasn’t in a restaurant, I would swear that I was at a party at a family member or neighbor’s backyard.

The menu consists mostly of fried seafood, and Old McDonald offers fish, shrimp, oysters, scallops, deviled crab, alligator and frog legs in different combinations.

They do have several appetizers — the most interesting of which seemed to be the catfish stew and the fried jalapeno peppers stuffed with crabmeat — and some non-seafood items, but we felt like one of the combination platters was the only way to go, especially since we’d never been there before.

We settled on the Fish Camp Special ($29.50) which the menu said was large enough for two or three people.

It included catfish, catfish fillets, flounder fillets, perch fillets, oysters, shrimp (fried and boiled), scallops, crab, frog legs and fried gator. It was served with cole slaw and two sides of potatoes and they allow you to substitute up to two items. Since we had a little one with us, we doubled up on the crab in lieu of the frog legs to save ourselves the cost of therapy later.

While you wait, Old McDonald has a station set up where patrons can help themselves to hush puppies and grits. The grits were OK and the cylindrical pups were great, but you’d be wise not to go overboard on these because the platter that was quickly served to us by our very friendly waitress contains an amazing amount of food. Ditto for the potatoes and cole slaw, although the crunchy, sweet and tangy slaw was very good.

Everything on the platter was worth eating, but some items were better than others. The gator, for example, was tough and chewy, but I think that was the gator’s fault rather than the restaurant’s. The oysters weren’t my favorite, either, and there seemed to be a lot of breading in the deviled crab.

The broiled scallops were surprisingly good, as were

You Gotta Try …

A combination of Lavazza espresso, butter pecan syrup, English toffee syrup, steamed milk (a combination of whole and half and half) and whipped cream, this confection is creamy and rich with a nice bite from the Italian espresso. Try it with a Florentine cookie, a thin wafer containing dried fruit, toasted nuts and topped with dark

Butternut Toffee Latte at Mocha Mark’s

chocolate and a drizzle of white chocolate. Top it off with a couple of chocolate-covered espresso beans, and you’ll have energy for days.

Mocha Mark’s, located at 3539 Walton Way Extension, charges $3.05 for the latte and $1.50 for the cookie.

the shrimp and the fish, although I couldn’t distinguish one kind from the other (except, of course, for the bonein catfish). Their cocktail and tartar sauces were also excellent, and both had a little kick to them.

Old McDonald only lists one dessert on their menu and I’m willing to bet that hardly anyone ever orders it.

We sure didn’t have room.

What started out as a whim and turned into an odyssey actually ended up as a really fun experience. The only thing I’d do differently is go earlier, not necessarily to avoid the crowds (which I doubt is possible), but to better be able to see the beautiful stretch of land that we could barely make out at night.

Old McDonald Fish Camp is located at 355 Currytown Road in North Augusta, (803) 279-3305.

They open at 5 p.m. on Thursdays and Fridays, and 4 p.m. on Saturdays.

21

Arts

M E T R O

& Entertainment

J A N

Lokal Loudness Choice Awards Honor Local Bands

2 2 2 0 0 4

By Lisa Jordan

O

Turtleneck

Shaun Piazza Band

Brandon Bower

Photo by Joe White

n Jan. 31, all will be revealed.

Well, maybe not the answers to some of the most burning questions in the universe – why does toast always land buttered-side down when you drop it? – but we will know who Augusta’s favorite musicians of 2003 are.

It’s time for the 2004 Lokal Loudness Choice Awards, honoring Augusta musicians based on the number of votes received on the Lokal Loudness Web site, http://lokalloudness.cjb.net.

The man behind Lokal Loudness, John “Stoney” Cannon, let us in on some of the things he’s got planned for the event. Unfortunately, we couldn’t get him to spill the beans on who will be taking home the awards. You’ll just have to show up at Crossroads Jan. 31 to find out.

“It’s all out of respect for and in tribute to the local bands,” Cannon explains.

“It’s a whole day of recognition for local musicians.”

The day kicks off at Cannon’s Lokal Loudness Words and Music store on Broad Street. “The store opens at 11.

The next day is our one-year anniversary.

We’ll start our festivities that day at 11 o’clock here at the store, have some performers, acoustic performers,” he says.

“We close at 7, and then we’re officially going to move the party over to Crossroads. Doors open at 8, and the show starts at 9 with Estrela taking the stage.”

Other performers include The Sixth Hour, Turtleneck, Josh Pierce, The Big Mighty and the Jeremy Carr Band. Josh Pierce will also do double duty as the Lokal Loudness Choice Awards emcee.

In between sets, local music personalities will hand out the awards.

“We’re getting artists that had quite a few nominations,” says Cannon. “The Big Mighty have seven, so we asked them to play. Hellblinki and the Livingroom Legends had a lot, but had prior commitments.”

The list of nominees and the winners were determined solely by visitors to the Lokal Loudness Web site between October 2003, and midnight on Dec. 31. continued on page 22

S P I R I T

M E T R O S P I R I T J A N

10 Specialty Pies

2 2 2 0 0 4

15 Monumental Hoagies

PIZZA BAKERS

7 Scrumptious Salads

continued from page 21 Cannon also added three new categories this year: Favorite All-Ages Performer, Favorite Female Performer and Favorite Male Performer.

“It’s a 21-and-up show, but representing all ages. We wanted to make sure we had someone new,” he says.

And the performers won’t be the only stars that night: “Meltdown 2004,” a compilation CD featuring tracks by Augusta bands, will be released.

“The CD officially comes out on the third of February, but we’ll have 50 copies for sale the night of the show,” says Cannon.

They’ll sell for $5 apiece.

For more information on the 2004 Lokal Loudness Choice Awards, visit http://lokalloudness.cjb.net.

Pat Blanchard

Photo by Joe White

22

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And the Nominees Are...

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NEXT WED. CHRIS & JOHN OSBON OF IN LIKE FLYNN

Corner of 12th & Broad :::: Downtown Augusta :::: 828-5578

Favorite Vocalist Andrew Benjamin (Hellblinki Sextet) Brandon Bower (The Big Mighty) Ike Isaac (Jemani) Gabe Miller (420 Outback/Knowface) Josh Pierce Favorite Guitarist: Mike Baideme (Black-Eyed Susan) John Berret (Knowface/212) Adam Hatfield (The Big Mighty) Elliot Holden (Elliot Holden Group) Keith Jenkins (James Brown) Favorite Bassist: Stephen Bannister (Cycle) Albert Beasley (The Vellotones) Joe Bone (420 Outback/Local Ghost) Lance McAnley (Turtleneck) Levi Pulaski (The Big Mighty) Favorite Drummer: Brian Allen (Turtleneck) Eric Hargrove (James Brown) Jamie Jones (Silver Dash Music) Jordan Leopard (Jemani) Jason Neal (The Big Mighty)

Friday & Saturday January 23rd & 24th 2 Shows Each Night 7 & 10 pm $15 Reserved Seating $10 General Admission

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724 Broad Street (Formerly Word of Mouth Cafe)

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Favorite Female Performer: Danielle (Hellblinki Sextet) Eryn Eubanks (The Family Fold) Liz Hodges (Juice/N.E.O.) Tara Scheyer (Half-Shirt Leroys) Mindy Stephens (Livingroom Legends) Favorite Male Performer: Andrew Benjamin (Hellblinki Sextet) Brandon Bower (The Big Mighty) Ike Isaac (Jemani) Doug James (420 Outback/Local Ghost) Henry Wynn (Turtleneck/Deathstar) Favorite Miscellaneous Instrument Performer: Eryn Eubanks (The Family Fold) Liz Hodges (Juice/N.E.O.) Eric Kinlaw (Deathstar) Scott Terry (Shiloh) Henry Wynn (Turtleneck/Deathstar) Favorite Solo Performer: Patrick Blanchard

Brandon Bower Keith Gregory Shaun Piazza Josh Pierce Merrit Award: Brenda Durant (Greater Augusta Arts Council) Josh Newman (Head Above Water) Coco Rubio (Soul Bar) Joe Stevenson (Homegrown) The Vellotones Favorite All-Ages Band: Cycle Diary of December Estrela Hellblinki Sextet The Decrepits Favorite New Band: Daze of Haze Estrela Knowface The Sixth Hour Turtleneck Favorite Band: The Big Mighty Cycle Hellblinki Sextet Juice/N.E.O. Livingroom Legends Favorite Song: “Happy Christmas” – Deathstar “Everyday” – Jemani “Down by the Railroad Tracks” – Silver Dash Music “No Way” – The Vellotones “Down My Back” – Turtleneck Favorite CD: “The 12 Bands of Christmas” – Various Artists “#1 Walter” – Tara Scheyer and the Half-Shirt Leroys “Down by the Railroad Tracks” – Silver Dash Music “The Vellotones” – The Vellotones “Beat of Meat” - Turtleneck

8

DaysA Week

Arts

Auditions

“THE WIZ” AUDITIONS with the Augusta Players Jan. 23-24 at Cutno Dance Studio. Auditions held at 7 p.m.

Jan. 23, 3-6 p.m. (dance only) Jan. 24 and 7 p.m. Jan. 24. Roles available for children and adults of all ages.

All those auditioning must have a prepared solo and will be asked to read from the script, as well as learn a dance routine. 826-4707.

ENOPION THEATRE COMPANY is looking for volunteers to act, sing, sew, build and more for their new musical, “Creation.” Applications are available at www.imaryproductions.com or by calling (803) 442-9039.

SWEET ADELINES HARMONY RIVER CHORUS OPEN REHEARSAL for singers each Thursday at 7 p.m. at Church of Christ, 600 Martintown Rd. in North Augusta.

They are on the lookout for voices in the lower ranges.

Contact Mary Norman at (803) 279-6499.

Education

CERAMICS BY REBAKKAH ROSENBAUER will be on display at the Euchee Creek Branch Library during February. Call 556-9795 for details.

“ANNE HEBEBRAND: CURRENT WORKS” on display at the Gertrude Herbert Institute of Art through March 12.

Artists reception 6-8 p.m. Jan. 23. Call 722-5495.

PAINTINGS BY DIANE DAVIS will be on display at the Gibbs Library throughout January. Call 863-1946.

WORKS BY ROBERT LYON are on display at the Augusta State University Fine Arts Gallery through Feb. 5. Free.

Call 737-1444.

CERAMICS BY JULIET DEARING will be on exhibit in the Lower Gallery of the Etherredge Center through Jan. 30.

Call (803) 641-3305.

SQUARE DANCE LESSONS at the H.O. Weeks Center in Aiken begin Jan. 26. Cost is $36 per couple. Call (803) 642-7631 for information.

PHOTOGRAPHIC WORKS BY SELLY GOODWIN will be on display in the art hall of Sacred Heart Cultural Center through Feb. 29. Call 826-4700 for more information.

ISRAELI DANCE WORKSHOP at the Augusta Jewish Community Center Sunday afternoons, 4-5 p.m. Open to teens and adults; no experience or partners are necessary. Cost is $2 per session, with the first session free. For information or to schedule a pre-class beginner/refresher session, contact Jackie Cohen, 738-9016.

“LET’S PLAY: PASTIMES FROM THE PAST” through Feb. 15 at the Augusta Museum of History. For more information, call 722-8454.

ART CLASSES AND WORKSHOPS are offered year-round at the Gertrude Herbert Institute of Art. Classes and workshops are open to toddlers through adults and feature instruction in drawing, painting, photography, pottery, weaving and sculpture. For a newsletter or detailed information on registering for classes at the Gertrude Herbert, call 722-5495. The Gertrude Herbert Institute of Art also offers educational tours; for information, contact the education director at the above telephone number.

ART CLASSES FOR CHILDREN AND ADULTS at the Art Factory. The Art Factory also has a homeschool program and scholarships are available. Programs include painting, pottery, pilates, hip hop and modern dance and more. Classes are held at the Art Factory, 418 Crawford Ave., or at the Augusta Jewish Community Center. Call 731-0008 for details.

Exhibitions KATHY CAUDILL exhibits in the Etherredge Center Galleries at USC-Aiken Feb. 3-29. Call (803) 641-3305 for additional information.

OIL PAINTINGS BY KATHLEEN BRYAN will be on display at the Gibbs Memorial Library throughout February.

863-1946.

“BABY-BOOM DAYDREAMS: THE ART OF DOUGLAS BOURGEOIS” will be on exhibit at the Morris Museum of Art through Feb. 15. Call 724-7501 for information.

“DEANNE DUNBAR: OBJECTS OF DESIRE” will be on display at the Rabold Gallery in Aiken through Feb. 14.

For more information, call (803) 641-4405 or e-mail raboldgallery@bellsouth.net.

Dance FUTURITY DANCE Jan. 28, 8 p.m.-midnight, at Julian Smith Casino. Tickets are $5 in advance and $10 at the door. Call (803) 278-4TIX. THE AUGUSTA INTERNATIONAL FOLK DANCE CLUB meets Thursday evenings at 7:30 p.m. No partners are needed and newcomers are welcome. Call 737-6299 for location and info.

THE DANCES OF UNIVERSAL PEACE held the first Saturday of every month, 7-9 p.m., at the Unitarian Church of Augusta, honor the religious traditions of the world through song and movement. Call (803) 6430460 for more information.

AUGUSTA CHAPTER OF THE UNITED STATES AMATEUR BALLROOM DANCERS ASSOCIATION holds a dance the first Saturday of each month, from 7:15-11 p.m. Cost is $7 for members and $10 for non-members. Held at the BPOE facility on Elkdom Court. Contact Melvis Lovett, 733-3890, or Jean Avery, 863-4186, for information.

M E T R O S P I R I T J A N 2 2 2 0 0 4

PAINTINGS BY MALAIKA FAVORITE will be on exhibit at the Lucy Craft Laney Museum of Black History through the end of February. For more information, call 724-3576.

“JACK SPENCER: PHOTOGRAPHS FROM NATIVE SOIL” will be on display at the Morris Museum of Art through Feb. 15. Call 724-7501 for information.

23

Vonda Darr and Keith Shafer perform the Concert With a Cause to benefit the Augusta Chapter of Habitat for Humanity Jan. 25 at St. John United Methodist Church.

Music

Theater

BLACK BOTTOM BISCUITS will be performing in concert at the Washington Center Theatre in Aiken. The concert, presented by the Aiken Women’s Club, will be at 8 p.m. on Jan 31. The Biscuits play an eclectic mix of bluegrass, country and rock ‘n’ roll. Tickets are $15.

For more information, call Nancy at (803) 648-0221.

“LONE STAR” AND “LAUNDRY AND BOURBON” will be performed by the USC-Aiken University Theatre Players Jan. 29-Feb. 2 at 8 p.m., with a matinee performance Jan. 31 at 2 p.m. Held at the Etherredge Center. For ticket information, call (803) 641-3305.

GEORGE WINSTON CONCERT to benefit the Golden Harvest Food Bank Jan. 29, 7:30 p.m., at West Acres Baptist Church in Evans. Please bring nonperishable food items to donate. Tickets are $20 per person. For more information, call Laurie Roper Harmon at Golden Harvest Food Bank at 736-1199, ext. 208.

AUGUSTA OPERA SOLOISTS will perform the Dr. Blanche Coleman Memorial Concert as part of the Tuesdays Music Live series Jan. 27 at St. Paul’s Church. Concert begins at noon. Call 722-3463 f or tickets.

“DIE FLEDERMAUS” will be presented by the Augusta Opera Jan. 29 and 31 and Feb. 1 at the Imperial Theatre. Jan. 29 and 31 performances are at 8 p.m.; Feb. 1 performance is at 3 p.m. An opera chat will be presented one hour prior to each performance. For tickets and information, call 826-4710.

MUSIC AT THE MORRIS presents “Barbershop Harmonies” Jan. 25 with the Garden City Chorus.

Concert is held at 2 p.m. in the Morris Museum of Art’s auditorium. Free admission. Call 724-7501 for info.

FACULTY ARTIST RECITAL Jan. 22, 7 p.m., at USCAiken’s Etherredge Center. Call (803) 641-3305.

“ANNIE, GET YOUR GUN” will be at the Abbeville Opera House Jan. 30-31, Feb. 6-7, 12-14 and 20-21. Matinee performances are Jan. 31 and Feb. 7, 14 and 21 at 3 p.m.

Call (864) 459-2157 for ticket information.

DAVIDSON FINE ARTS SCHOOL DESSERT THEATRE Jan. 22-23 at Beverly J. Barnhart Theatre, Recital Hall, Dance Studio 124 and Commons. Admission is $8 adult, $7 senior citizen and children under 5 and $6 Davidson Fine Arts students. Call 823-6924, ext. 122.

“A THOUSAND CLOWNS” will be performed by the Aiken Community Playhouse Jan. 23-24. Call (803) 648-1438.

Attractions MOTORIZED TOURS OF HISTORIC AIKEN every Saturday, 10-11:30 a.m. Tours leave from the Washington Center for the Performing Arts. Reservations are required, and patrons must be age 2 and older. (803) 642-7631.

AUGUSTA CANAL INTERPRETIVE CENTER: Housed in Enterprise Mill, the center contains displays and models focusing on the Augusta Canal’s functions and importance to the textile industry. Hours are Mon.-Sat., 10 a.m.-6 p.m. and Sun., 1-6 p.m. Admission is $5

$4 seniors and military and $3 children ages 624 adult, 18. Children under 6 admitted free. Guided boat tours

of the Augusta Canal depart from the docks at Enterprise Mill at 11 a.m., 1:30 p.m. and 3 p.m.

Saturdays and Tuesdays and Thursdays at 11 a.m. and 1:30 p.m. Tour tickets are $6 adults, $5 seniors and $4 students and children. For tour information, call 8237089. For other info, visit www.augustacanal.com or S call 823-0440.

M E T R O

P I R THE BOYHOOD HOME OF WOODROW WILSON: Circa I 1859 Presbyterian manse occupied by the family of T President Woodrow Wilson as a child during the Civil

War and Reconstruction. Original and period antiques,

J restored house, kitchen and carriage house. 419 A Seventh Street. Open 10 a.m.-5 p.m., Tues.-Sat. Tours N available; groups of 10 or more by appointment only.

2 Admission is $5 adults, $4 seniors, $3 students under 2 18 and free for ages 5 and under. 722-9828.

2 0 0 4

AUGUSTA GOLF & GARDENS OF THE GEORGIA GOLF HALL OF FAME features beautiful display gardens, as well as bronze sculptures of some of golf’s greatest masters. Available for rent for a variety of functions.

Group discount rates available. Closed Mondays; open from 9 a.m.-5 p.m. Tues.-Sat.; open from 1-5 p.m. on Sunday. Admission is $5.50 for adults; $4.50 for students, seniors and military; $3.50 for children (4-12); free for children 3 and under. Sundays are two for one with a Super Sunday coupon. Annual garden memberships are available. Call 724-4443 or 1-888-874-4443.

Also, visit their Web site at www.gghf.org.

NATIONAL SCIENCE CENTER’S FORT DISCOVERY: Children and adults alike can immerse themselves in the wonders of science through live demonstrations, virtual realities, Starlab, KidScape and more than 250 hands-on exhibits. General Admission: $8 for adults; $6 for children, seniors and active military. Group rates available. Operating hours: Mon.-Sat., 10 a.m.-5 p.m.; Sunday, noon-5 p.m. Call 821-0200, 1-800-325-5445 or visit their Web site at www.NationalScienceCenter.org.

REDCLIFFE STATE HISTORIC SITE: 1859 mansion of S.C. Governor James Henry Hammond, held by the family for three generations until 1975. Grounds and slave quarters are open Thursday-Monday, 9 a.m.-6 p.m.

House tours will be offered at 1, 2 and 3 p.m.

Admission to the grounds is free. Fee for house tours is $3 for adults and children ages 6-17. For more information, call (803) 827-1473. 181 Redcliffe Road, Beech Island.

SACRED HEART CULTURAL CENTER is offering tours of its 100-year-old building. Mon.-Fri., 9 a.m.-5 p.m. $1 per person, children free. 826-4700.

HISTORIC COTTON EXCHANGE WELCOME CENTER: Open Mon.-Sat., 10 a.m.-6 p.m.; Sun. 1-5 p.m. Riverwalk.

Free. Call 724-4067.

THE EZEKIEL HARRIS HOUSE: Deemed “the finest 18th century house surviving in Georgia” by the “Smithsonian Guide to Historic America.” Open Saturday, 10 a.m.-1 p.m. General admission is $2; senior admission is $1 and children get in for 50 cents.

For more information, call 724-0436.

Museums ARTRAGEOUS SUNDAY: PATCHWORK FRAMES at the Morris Museum of Art Feb. 1, 2 p.m. Free admission.

Call 724-7501 for information.

MASTERWORKS OF SOUTHERN ART TOUR 3:30 p.m.

Jan. 25 at the Morris Museum of Art. Free admission.

724-7501.

“CELEBRATION OF FLIGHT” exhibit at Fort Discovery’s Knox Gallery runs through Jan. 31. Admission to the exhibit is free with paid general admission to Fort Discovery. For more information, visit www.NationalScienceCenter.org or call 821-0200.

AUGUSTA HORSE AND CARRIAGE PARADE in downtown Augusta 2 p.m. Jan. 25. Proceeds will benefit therapeutic riding organizations. After the parade, registered participants will be treated to a wild game cookoff. Call 823-3417 or 828-4382 for details.

THE GERTRUDE HERBERT INSTITUTE OF ART in Ware’s Folly exhibits works by local and regional artists. Art classes, workshops and other educational programming for children, youth and adults are held in the Walker-Mackenzie Studio. Open Tuesday-Friday, 10 a.m.-5 p.m. and Saturday by appointment only.

Admission is free, but a donation of $2 for adults and $1 for children and seniors is encouraged. Call 7225495 or visit www.ghia.org for more info.

WESTERN CULTURE AND FOOD FESTIVAL Jan. 22-25 on Seventh Street between Telfair and Talcot Streets in downtown Augusta. Admission is $4. Call 823-3417 for information.

THE AUGUSTA MUSEUM OF HISTORY hosts permanent exhibition “Augusta’s Story,” an award-winning exhibit encompassing 12,000 years of local history. For the younger crowd, there’s the Susan L. Still Children’s Discovery Gallery, where kids can learn about history in a hands-on environment. The museum also shows films in the History Theatre and hosts a variety of programs. Located at 560 Reynolds Street. Open TuesdaySaturday, 10 a.m.-5 p.m. and Sunday 1-5 p.m.

Admission is $4 adult, $3 seniors, $2 kids (6-18 years of age) and free for children under 6. Free admission on Sundays. Call 722-8454 or visit www.augustamuseum.org for more information.

THE MORRIS MUSEUM OF ART hosts exhibitions and special events year-round. Open Tuesday-Saturday, 10 a.m.-5 p.m. and Sundays, noon-5 p.m. Closed on Mondays and major holidays. 1 Tenth Street, Augusta.

Call 724-7501 or visit www.themorris.org for details.

THE MUSEUM OF LAUREL AND HARDY OF HARLEM, GEORGIA features displays of various Laurel and Hardy memorabilia; films also shown. Located at 250 N. Louisville Street in downtown Harlem. Open 1-4 p.m.

Thursday-Monday. For more information, call 5563448.

LUNCH AT NOON LECTURE SERIES held the second Wednesday of every month at the Lucy Craft Laney Museum of Black History, 11:30 a.m.-12:30 p.m. Call the museum at 724-3576 for more information.

Special Events ANTIQUES IN THE HEART OF AIKEN EDUCATIONAL SERIES will feature two lectures. The first is entitled “An Evening with Ben Adams” and will feature Mr. Adams’ expertise on all things antique. It will be presented on Jan. 23 at 8 pm at the Aiken Center for the Arts. The second lecture, “A View Into Aiken’s Racing History,” will be presented at 2:30 p.m. on Jan. 25. The lecture will be held at the Aiken Thoroughbred Racing Hall of Fame, and will give insight into Aiken’s rich racing history. Tickets to each event are $15. For more information, call (803) 641-9094.

14TH ANNUAL WINTER GATHERING OF WRITERS at ASU’s Allgood Hall, Room E158 on Jan. 28 at 7:30 p.m. Featuring author Donna Hemans and poet Sandra Meek. Free admission. For more information, call Professor Anthony Kellman at 737-1500.

FREE FILM SERIES Mondays, 6:30 p.m. at the Headquarters Library. Feb. 2 showing of “Ballad of a Soldier,” Feb. 9 showing of “Lost in Translation,” Feb. 16 showing of “American Splendor” and Feb. 23 showing of “Sweet Hereafter.” Call 821-2600 for info.

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• 210-F Robert C. Daniel Parkway (Adjacent to Chick-Fil-A) New Hours Mon-Sat 6am-Midnight

ROBERT BURNS DINNER will be hosted by the St. Andrews Society of Aiken Jan. 24. Held at the Knights of Columbus building in Aiken. Social hour begins at 6:30 p.m. Following dinner will be a ceilidh featuring Scottish harping, fiddling, dancing and more. Tickets are $34. Call (803) 648-1873 or (803) 641-7537 for information.

ANTIQUES IN THE HEART OF AIKEN show and sale will be at the Aiken Center for the Arts Jan. 30-Feb. 1.

Preview party is 7-9:30 p.m. Jan. 29. Tickets to the preview party are $50 each or $95 for two and include a weekend show pass. General admission to the show is $6 for the weekend. Call (803) 641-9094.

ASU MEET THE AUTHOR PROGRAM with Ralph Watkins Jan. 27, noon, in the Reese Room of Augusta State University’s Reese Library. Watkins will discuss “Rap, Religion and New Realities: The Emergence of a Religious Discourse in Rap Music,” which appears in “Noise and Spirit: The Religious and Spiritual Sensibilities of Rap Music.” Call Mellie Kerins at 6674912 for information.

PHINIZY SWAMP WATERFOWL WALK Jan. 24, 9 a.m.noon. Contribution is $3 for members and $5 for nonmembers. Registration deadline is Jan. 23. Call 8282109.

THE CSRA HUMANE SOCIETY holds pet adoptions every Saturday from 10 a.m.-4 p.m. and every Wednesday evening from 5:30-7:30 p.m. at the Pet Center located behind the GreenJackets Stadium on Milledge Rd. 261-PETS.

Out of Town “AN EVENING WITH LANGSTON AND MARTIN” will be at Hugh Hodgson Hall at the University of Georgia in Athens, Ga., Feb. 4, 8 p.m. Tickets are $15. Call (706) 542-6396.

CHARLES L. WELTNER FREEDOM OF INFORMATION AWARD BANQUET to benefit the Georgia First Amendment Foundation will be held Jan. 31. For information, call (404) 525-3646.

“522 GEORGIANS: A MEMORIAL” EXHIBIT will be on display at the Tate Center Art Gallery at the University of Georgia in Athens, Ga., Feb. 1-28. Formal opening 7:30 p.m. Feb. 3. For more information, contact Kevin McKee at (706) 542-6396.

“MY FAIR LADY” will be presented by the Alliance Theatre Company in Atlanta Jan. 28-Feb. 29. For tickets and information, call (404) 733-5000.

MINORITY HEALTH PROFESSIONS CONFERENCE 2004 will be held at the Emory University Mathematics and Science Building in Atlanta Jan. 24, 8 a.m.-3:30 p.m.

Registration is free for high school and undergraduate students and the deadline for registration is Jan. 16.

Contact Charles Collier or Kimberly Parker at (404) 727-4232 for more information.

COUNT BASIE ORCHESTRA will perform at the Newberry Opera House in Newberry, S.C., 8 p.m. Jan. 27. Call (803) 276-6264.

MR. AND MRS. CLARKS HILL LAKE PAGEANT is open to all CSRA couples who have been married for 50 years or more. The winning couple will be crowned at a reception on Feb. 14. Nominations due Feb. 1. For information on nominating a couple, call 541-1358.

SOUTHERN GARDENING SYMPOSIUM at Callaway Gardens in Pine Mountain, Ga., Jan. 23-25. Optional pre-conference workshops will be offered Jan. 23.

Symposium registration is $208. For more information, call 1-800-CALLAWAY.

APPLICATIONS FOR SANDHILLS WRITERS CONFERENCE SCHOLARSHIPS due Jan. 30. Conference is March 1820 at Augusta State University. For more information, call 737-1500.

STUDENT CHESS TOURNAMENT for K-12 players Jan. 24 at Julia P. Bryant Elementary in Statesboro, Ga. Check-in by 9 a.m., with last round starting at 3 p.m.

Register by noon Jan. 21 by calling (912) 764-9770 or e-mailing j-lutz@enia.net.

GIRLS INC. ALUMNI REUNION Jan. 24, 2-4 p.m. at Girls Inc., 1919 Watkins St. All members and board members of The Girls’ Center, Girls’ Club of Augusta and Girls Inc. of the CSRA are welcome to attend. Please RSVP by Jan. 20 by calling 733-2512.

“FERDINAND THE BULL” will be presented by Alliance Children’s Theatre at the 14th Street Playhouse in Atlanta through March 7. Call (404) 733-4600 or visit www.alliancetheatre.org.

JANUARY FILM SERIES at Headquarters Library Tuesday nights at 6:30 p.m. Admission is free. Jan. 27 showing of “Gigantic: A Tale of Two Johns.” Call 821-2600.

“RAISE THE RAFTERS” gospel music series at Biltmore House in Asheville, N.C., runs weekends through Feb. 8. Call 1-800-543-2961.

MCDUFFIE FRIENDS OF ANIMALS holds pet adoptions each Saturday, 1-3 p.m. at Superpetz on Bobby Jones Expressway. Call 556-9090 or visit www.petfinder.com.

“A LION IN WINTER” will be at The New American Shakespeare Tavern in Atlanta through Feb. 1. Optional British pub-style menu available one hour and 15 minutes before the performance. Tickets are $19.50$24.50. Call (404) 874-5299.

COLUMBIA COUNTY HUMANE SOCIETY holds pet adoptions every Saturday from 11 a.m.-3 p.m. and every Sunday from 1-4 p.m. at PetsMart. For more info, call 860-5020.

RICHMOND COUNTY ANIMAL CONTROL AND AUGUSTA ANIMAL RESCUE FRIENDS hold pet adoptions at Superpetz off Bobby Jones Expressway every Sunday from 1-4 p.m. Call AARF at 364-4747 or visit www.aarf.net. Adoptions also held at the Richmond County Animal Control Shelter, Tues.-Sun., 1-5 p.m.

Call the shelter at 790-6836.

AT THE GEORGIA MUSEUM OF ART in Athens, Ga.: “Enchanting Modern: Ilonka Karasz, 1896-1981” through Feb. 8; works by Armin Landeck through Feb. 8; “Decorative Arts at Woodstock” through March. Visit www.uga.edu/gamuseum or call (706) 542-4662 for info.

AT THE HIGH MUSEUM OF ART in Atlanta: “The Undiscovered Richard Meier: The Architect as Designer and Artist” through April 4; “After Whistler: The Artist and His Influence on American Painting” through Feb. 8; and “Verrocchio’s David Restored: A Renaissance

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Bronze From the National Museum of the Bargello, Florence” through Feb. 8 Call (404) 733-HIGH or visit www.high.org for information.

Benefits CONCERT WITH A CAUSE presents Vonda Darr and Keith Shafer in a concert benefiting the Augusta Chapter of Habitat for Humanity Jan. 25, 3 p.m., in the sanctuary of St. John United Methodist Church, 736 Greene St. Call 724-9641 for information.

THE LEUKEMIA AND LYMPHOMA SOCIETY’S TEAM IN TRAINING is recruiting volunteers to help in the fight against blood cancers by raising funds as they train to run, walk or cycle in honor of local patients. Information meetings are taking place at the Clubhouse on Washington Rd. On Jan. 22 and Feb. 5 at 6:30 p.m. Call Kate Wicker at (706) 667-7101 for more information.

AUGUSTA BALLET MERCEDES RAFFLE: The Augusta Ballet will raffle off a 2004 Mercedes CLK 320 Cabriolet during May’s First Friday celebration. Tickets are $100 each and may be purchased through the Ballet office at 261-0555.

AUGUSTA SOUTH ROTARY CLUB SCHOLARSHIP BENEFIT FOR YOUTH CHALLENGE ACADEMY GRADUATES Jan. 22, 7 p.m., at Hillcrest Baptist Church. Tickets include spaghetti dinner and roast of Augusta-Richmond County commissioner Jimmy Smith. Call Sandra Gurley, 724-2601, or Susan Bly, 739-1379, for tickets.

AUGUSTA-RICHMOND COUNTY ANIMAL CONTROL is in need of dog and cat food, cat litter and other pet items, as well as monetary donations to help pay for vaccinations. Donations accepted during regular business hours, Tues.-Sun., 1-5 p.m. at the shelter, 4164 Mack Lane. Call 790-6836 for information.

SHEPEARD COMMUNITY BLOOD CENTER BLOOD DRIVES in various locations around the CSRA this month. For detailed information on locations and times to donate, visit www.shepeardblood.org. You may also call Susan Edwards at (803) 643-7996 for information on Aiken locations and Nancy Szocinski at 737-4551 for information on all other locations.

AMERICAN RED CROSS BLOOD DRIVES at the Aiken Red Cross Blood Center on Millbrook Drive and the Augusta Red Cross Blood Center on Pleasant Home Road. The bloodmobile will also stop at various area locations this week. For a complete list, call the Aiken Blood Center at (803) 642-5180 or the Augusta Blood Center at 868-8800.

Learning “CHINA: THE SLEEPING GIANT WAKES,” a lecture on China’s economic growth since the early ‘80s, will be presented by Professor Edwin Williams on Jan. 28 at 7-8:30 p.m. in Butler Hall Room 7 at ASU. Admission is free. For more information, call 737-1636.

“AN EVENING IN BULGARIA” vicarious travel program Feb. 3, 6:30-8:30 p.m. at Augusta State University.

Learn about the country’s history, culture, customs and cuisine. Cost is $19. Call 737-1636.

TEACHER WORKSHOP Jan. 29, 5-8 p.m., and Jan. 31, 9 a.m.-4:30 p.m. at Phinizy Swamp Nature Park. Learn how to get your K-12 students interested in wetlands.

One SDU credit is available to those who attend both days of classes. Registration is limited, and a registra-

tion fee will be charged. Free to Richmond, Columbia and Glascock Counties public school teachers. RSVP to 828-2109 by Jan. 23.

“CERVICAL CANCER AND PAP TEST: WHAT YOU SHOULD KNOW” Jan. 27, 5:30 p.m. in University Hospital Dining Rooms 1-3. Reservations required; call 868-3231.

“NEW YEAR, NEW YOU” WORKSHOP with representatives from the Georgia Department of Labor 6 p.m. Jan. 22 at the Maxwell Branch Library. Learn to complete job applications, prepare a resume and more. 793-2020.

INTRODUCTION TO INFANT CPR class Jan. 26, 6:30-8:30 p.m., at University Women’s Center. Cost is $5. To register, call 774-2825.

“SURVIVAL SPANISH” CLASS will be offered in January by the North Augusta Activity Center. Separate classes available for adults and children. Call (803) 441-4311 or e-mail simonsys_ed_resources@hotmail.com for more information.

USC-AIKEN CONTINUING EDUCATION offers Paralegal Certificate Course, Taming the Wild Child, Conversational French, Italian, Spanish for the Beginner, Sign Language, Debt-Free Living and more.

Travelearn learning vacations for adults and Education to Go online courses also available. For info, phone (803) 641-3563.

CULLUM LECTURE SERIES, “South Asia: On a Tryst With Destiny,” continues Jan. 27 with 11:30 a.m. presentation, “Women, Work and Occupations Structure in Hyderabad, India” and 7 p.m. presentation of “A Melting Pot or Cultural Mosaic: a Brief Human Geography of India” and Feb. 3 with 11:30 a.m. presentation, “Buddhism in South Asia,” and 7 p.m. presentation, “Hinduism in South Asia.” All events held in Butler Hall Auditorium. Visit www.aug.edu/library/cullum2004 or call Michael Bishku, 737-1709, or Jeff Heck, 667-4905.

AUGUSTA STATE UNIVERSITY CONTINUING EDUCATION is now offering the following classes: Shag, Ballroom, Line Dance, Beginning and Intermediate Language courses, Interior Design, Acting Workshop, Stained Glass, SAT Review, Power Yoga, Photography, Origami and more. Also, ASU offers online courses. For more information, call 737-1636 or visit www.ced.aug.edu.

AIKEN TECH CONTINUING EDUCATION offers the following courses: computer technology courses, healthcare courses, contractor programs, real estate courses and more. Aiken Tech also offers Education to Go classes online. For more information or to register, call (803) 593-9231, ext. 1230.

Health UNIVERSITY HOSPITAL SUPPORT GROUPS: Bariatric Surgery, Feb. 2, 724-4408; Cancer Share Support Group, Feb. 2, 774-8900; Parents Healing Together, Feb. 2, 774-5800; Living Well With Diabetes, Feb. 12, 774-5798; My Mom Has Breast Cancer, Feb. 5, 7744141; Pink Magnolias Breast Cancer, Feb. 9, 774-4141; Breast Cancer Support, Feb. 9, 774-4141; Better Breathers, Feb. 10, 774-LUNG; Prostate Cancer, Feb. 19, 367-1308.

MCG HEALTH SYSTEM OPEN HOUSE FOR BLOODLESS MEDICINE AND SURGERY PROGRAM Jan. 24, 1-4 p.m. at the main conference center of MCG Children’s Medical Center. For more information, call 721-2677.

HEALTHY NUTRITION TIPS with Mona Adams of the Georgia Extension Service at the Appleby Branch Library Jan. 29, 11 a.m.-noon. For more information, call 736-6244.

AUGUSTA BRAIN INJURY SUPPORT GROUP meets the second Thursday of every month, 6 p.m., at Walton West TLC. Brain injury survivors and their family members and caregivers are invited to attend. 737-9300.

FORE THE HEALTH OF IT ADAPTIVE GOLF CLINICS held the first Tuesday of every month at First Tee of Augusta. Physical and occupational therapists from Walton Rehabilitation Hospital will guide the course.

Call 823-8691.

CHRONIC PAIN SUPPORT GROUP meets the first Thursday of every month, 10:30-11:30 a.m. at Walton Rehabilitation Hospital. 823-5294.

STROKE SUPPORT GROUP meets the last Wednesday of the month, 1-2 p.m., in the outpatient classroom at Walton Rehabilitation Hospital. 823-5213.

WALTON REHABILITATION HOSPITAL AMPUTEE CLINIC for new and experienced prosthetic users meets the third Thursday of each month, 1-3 p.m. 722-1244.

WALTON REHABILITATION HOSPITAL offers a number of health programs, including Fibromyalgia Aquatics, Water Aerobics, Wheelchair and Equipment Clinics, Therapeutic Massage, Yoga, Acupuncture, Children’s Medical Services Clinic, Special Needs Safety Seat Loaner Program, Focus on Healing exercise class for breast cancer survivors and more. Call 823-5294 for information.

THE MCG BREAST CANCER SUPPORT GROUP meets the first Thursday of every month at 7 p.m. and provides education and support for those with breast cancer. For information, call 721-1467.

DIET COUNSELING CLASSES for diabetics and those with high cholesterol at CSRA Partners in Health, 1220 Augusta West Parkway. Free. Call 860-3001 for class schedule.

CHILDBIRTH PREPARATION CLASS Tuesdays, Feb. 3March 9 or Thursdays, Feb. 5-March 11 at University Women’s Center. All classes are from 7-9:30 p.m. and are $75 for the six-week series. To register, call 774-2825.

PROJECT LINK COMMUNITY LECTURE SERIES is held the first Tuesday of every month and is sponsored by the MCG Children’s Medical Center. Project Link provides educational resources and guidance for families who have children with developmental delays, disabilities and other specialized health concerns. Free and open to the public; takes place from 6:30-8 p.m. in the main conference room at the Children’s Medical Center. Call 721-6838 for information.

ANGELS HAVE WHEELS: Medicare recipients suffering from conditions such as arthritis, cardiovascular disease and respiratory disorders who have difficulty walking or propelling a standard wheelchair may be eligible to receive an electric wheelchair. For information on eligibility, call Gregory at 1-800-810-2877.

UNIVERSITY HEALTH CARE SYSTEM COMMUNITY EDUCATION holds workshops, seminars and classes on a variety of topics: weight and nutrition, women’s health, cancer, diabetes, seniors’ health and more. Support groups and health screenings are also offered. Call 736-0847 for details.

Kids

Ninth Street Wine Market

SPECIAL STORYTIMES AT THE MAXWELL BRANCH LIBRARY 10 a.m. Feb. 2 and 4. Leon Moore reads Feb. 2 and Jayme Washington-Smalley reads Feb. 4. 793-2020.

R I T

J A N

FUNDING YOUR CHILD’S COLLEGE EDUCATION program Feb. 3, 6 p.m., at the Maxwell Branch Library is open to 2 high school juniors and seniors and their parents. Call 2 793-2020 for information.

SPECIAL STORYTIME with Heather Lopez from the Georgia Council for the Blind Feb. 4, 10:30 a.m., at the Appleby Branch library. Call 736-6244.

WRANGLER FAMILY FUN FEST will take place on Seventh Street in front of the Augusta-Richmond County Civic Center noon-5 p.m. Jan. 24. Tickets are $10 per family and include same-night admission to the Augusta Futurity cutting competition. Call 823-3417 for information.

YOUTH COMPUTER TRAINING for high school students every third Saturday of the month, 1:30-4:30 p.m. at the Wallace Branch Library. Call 722-6275.

GIRLS INC. INFORMATION SESSION 6-7:30 p.m. Jan. 22 at Girls Inc. of the CSRA, 1919 Watkins St. Please RSVP to 733-2512.

FAMILY STORYTIME at the Friedman Branch Library 6:30 p.m. Jan. 21. Open to children ages 3-10 and their families. Please register in advance by calling 7366758.

GUEST STORYTELLER CHRIS VALOIS will be at the Maxwell Branch Library Jan. 21, 10 a.m. 793-2020.

FAMILY Y JANUARY SCHOOL’S OUT PROGRAMS Jan. 19 for children 5-12 years old. Activities held 9 a.m.-4 p.m. with early drop-off and late pick-up available.

Daily fees are $14 per child pre-registered or $20 per child registering the day of the program. Call 7387006.

BILINGUAL PARENTING CLASSES offered by MCG Children’s Medical Center and the University of Georgia Cooperative Extension Service. January topic is “Family Budgeting.” Spanish version held 6:30-8 p.m. Jan. 15 at the Grovetown Senior Center. Free. To register, call 721-KIDS. AIKEN COUNTY PONY CLUB meets weekly. Open to children of all ages who participate or are interested in equestrian sports. For more information, contact Lisa Smith at (803) 649-3399.

FREE CAR SEAT EDUCATION CLASSES for parents and other caregivers the third Monday of every month from 9-11 a.m. at MCG Children’s Medical Center.

Registration is required; those who are Medicaid or Peachcare eligible should indicate status during registration and bring a card or proof of income to class in order to receive a free car seat. 721-KIDS. GIRLS INCORPORATED OF THE CSRA AFTER-SCHOOL PROGRAM runs through May 21. Open to girls currently enrolled in kindergarten through high school.

In addition to offering specialized programs, Girls

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M E T R O

JANUARY FAMILY FUN DAY will be presented by the Augusta Museum of History on Jan. 18 from 1-5 pm.

The program will feature old-fashioned toys and games as part of the special exhibits “Let’s Play: Playtimes S from the Past.” Call Amy Gerhard at 722-8454 for more P I information.

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Check us out on the web at www.metrospirit.com

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offers van pick-up at select schools, 26 Incorporated neighborhood drop-off, homework room and a hot evening meal. For information, call 733-2512.

M E T WEEKLY STORY SESSIONS at all branch libraries. Visit R www.ecgrl.public.lib.ga.us for more information.

O

FIRST SATURDAY STORYTELLING at the Lucy Craft

S Laney Museum. In addition, there is a tour of the P museum. Held 10 a.m.-noon the first Saturday of the I R month. Call 724-3576.

I T J A N

Seniors

AARP TAX ASSISTANCE provided Feb. 3-April 13 at

2 Friedman Branch Library on Thursdays, 9 a.m.-1 p.m.; 2 2 0 0 4

Maxwell Branch Library Tuesdays and Fridays, 10 a.m.2 p.m.; and at the Gibbs Memorial Library Tuesdays, 10 a.m.-2 p.m. Call the Friedman Branch at 736-6758, the Maxwell Branch at 793-2020 or the Gibbs Memorial Library at 863-1946 for more information.

GRANDPARENTING CLASS Jan. 25, 2-4 p.m., at University Women’s Center. $10 fee. Call 774-2825 to register.

UNIVERSITY SENIORS CLUB has moved to a new location at 4106 Columbia Rd. University Senior Club offers health screenings, support groups, health education classes and social activities. For more information, call 868-3231 or 1-800-413-6652.

HOME-BASED CARE available for low- to mid-income families seeking alternatives to nursing home placement. To participate, individuals must be aged 60 or up or must have disability status as defined by Social Security Administration guidelines. Applicants must also meet program income guidelines. For more information, contact the CSRA Area Agency on Aging at 210-2018 or 1-888-922-4464.

WALTON REHABILITATION HOSPITAL offers Arthritis Aquatics and People With Arthritis Can Exercise. Call 823-5294 for information.

SENIOR VOLUNTEERS NEEDED FOR THE NEW VISITOR CENTER AT PHINIZY SWAMP NATURE PARK to greet visitors, hand out literature and sell merchandise.

Volunteers are asked to commit one Saturday or Sunday per month, 9 a.m.-1 p.m. or 1-5 p.m. Call 8282109 for information.

AIKEN PARKS AND RECREATION offers a multitude of programs for senior adults, including bridge clubs, fitness classes, canasta clubs, line dancing, racquetball, arts and crafts, tennis and excursions. For more information, call (803) 642-7631.

THE ACADEMY FOR LIFELONG LEARNING offers lectures, courses, field trips, discussion groups and community information seminars on a variety of topics to mature adults. For more information, contact the USC-Aiken Office of Continuing Education at (803) 641-3288.

THE SENIOR CITIZENS COUNCIL OF GREATER AUGUSTA AND THE CSRA offers a variety of classes, including ballroom dance, aerobics, quilting, tai chi, Spanish, line dancing, bowling, bridge, computers, drama club/readers theatre and pinochle. For dates and times, phone 826-4480.

SENIORNET provides adults age 50 and over education for and access to computer technology. Many different courses are offered. Contact the USC-Aiken Continuing Education Office at (803) 641-3563.

Sports GREATER AUGUSTA SPORTS COUNCIL AWARDS GALA Feb. 5, 6 p.m., at the Radisson Riverfront Hotel Augusta. Keynote speaker is Terry Bradshaw. Tickets are $75. Call 722-TEAM for more information or order tickets at (803) 278-4TIX. VOLLEYBALL LEAGUE ORGANIZATIONAL MEETING at Citizens’ Park II in Aiken Feb. 3. League is open to players ages 18 and older. Call (803) 642-7761 for info.

NORTH AUGUSTA SPRING RECREATION PROGRAM REGISTRATION Feb. 2-16 at Riverview Park Activities Center for Dixie Youth Baseball, Dixie Boys’ Baseball, Girls’ Softball and Youth Soccer. Call (803) 441-4311 for more information.

THE AUGUSTA FENCERS CLUB is now holding registration for beginning classes in foil fencing. Classes are held at the Augusta Fencers Club at 134 Ninth St. To

register or for more information, call Dr. Rudy Volkmann at (706) 722-8878.

GOLDEN HARVEST FOOD BANK needs volunteers during the day, from 8:30 a.m.-4 p.m. MondayFriday, to help sort donated products and assist in their agency shopping area. Help is needed yearround. If you are able to lift 25 pounds, can commit to at least 3-4 hours per month and would like to help fight hunger in the Augusta area, contact Laurie Roper at 736-1199, ext. 208.

THE RAY GUY KICKING AND PUNTING ACADEMY, a national kicking camp and talent search, is coming to Augusta.

The camp will be held Feb. 4 from 4-6 pm at Evans High School. Admission is free to area middle and high school students, but pre-registration is required. Contact the Greater Augusta Sports Council at 722-8326 for more information.

AUGUSTA-RICHMOND COUNTY ANIMAL CONTROL: New volunteer orientation is scheduled the first Saturday of each month at 1 p.m. at the shelter, 4164 Mack Lane. Schedule subject to change; call 790-6836 to verify dates and times.

THE AUGUSTA JUNIOR ROWING ASSOCIATION will host an open house for prospective rowers and their parents regarding the spring season beginning on Jan. 24 from 9-11 am and continuing every Saturday through March. This is open to all students, ages 14-18. For more information, call Diane Sprague at 738-3991 or 284-3991.

SHEPEARD COMMUNITY BLOOD CENTER is seeking donors to prevent a blood supply shortage. To donate call 737-4551, 854-1880 or (803) 643-7996.

Meetings

EXTRA INNING WORLD CHAMPIONSHIP BULL RIDING COMPETITION Jan. 23, 8 p.m., at the Augusta-Richmond County Civic Center. Tickets are $14 for adults and $7 for children 12 and under. Proceeds will benefit the USC-Aiken baseball scholarship fund. Call 828-7700 for tickets.

SPRING BASEBALL REGISTRATION for boys and girls ages 5 and older by Aug. 1, 2004.

Registration is Jan. 26-Feb. 2 at Citizens Park II in Aiken. First time players must bring a birth certificate to registration. Play begins in March. Call (803) 642-7761.

METRO AUGUSTA FRISBEE DOG CLUB meets the last Sunday of the month. For more information, call 210-8577.

CSRA LINUX USERS GROUP meets at 6 p.m. the fourth Tuesday of the month at Borders Books and Music to discuss computers, Linux, the Internet and other related issues. Call 790-8439.

Diane Alexander is one of the Augusta Opera soloists performing at Tuesdays Music Live, Jan. 27 at St. Paul’s church.

GIRLS’ FAST-PITCH SOFTBALL REGISTRATION Jan. 26-Feb. 2 at Citizens Park II in Aiken. Open to girls ages 7 and older as of Jan. 1, 2004. Play begins in March. First time players must bring a birth certificate to registration. Call (803) 642-7761 for information.

AUGUSTA FUTURITY Jan. 22-31 at the AugustaRichmond County Civic Center. Visit www.augustafuturity.com or call 823-3417 for details.

FAMILY Y RECREATIONAL GYMNASTICS session held March 8-May 14. Classes available for toddlers through teens. Call 738-6678.

THE AUGUSTA VOLLEYBALL ASSOCIATION is looking for new members. For more information, visit www.augustavolleyball.com.

AUGUSTA LYNX HOME GAMES Feb. 6-7, 12-13, 19-21 and 26. For tickets, call 724-4423 or visit www.augustalynx.com.

THE AUGUSTA RUGBY CLUB is always looking for new members. Teams available for women and men; no experience necessary. Practice is Tuesday and Thursday nights, 7-9 p.m. at Richmond Academy.

For more information, call Don Zuehlke, 495-2043, or e-mail augustarfc@yahoo.com. You may also visit www.augustarugby.org.

Volunteer FORTE INTERNATIONAL EXCHANGE ASSOCIATION is in need of local host families for high school international exchange students for the 2004-2005 school year. For more information, contact Tracy Klemens, (678) 358-5890.

AARP TAX-AIDE is looking for volunteers to dedicate four or more hours per week from Feb. 1-April 15 assisting senior taxpayers. Five-day free training course for Tax-Aide volunteers begins in January. For more information, contact William J. Kozel at 210-3048.

THE EARNED INCOME TAX CREDIT COALITION is looking for volunteers with basic computer skills to prepare tax returns for individuals with low and limited income, individuals with disabilities, non-English speaking persons and elderly taxpayers. Volunteers receive free training and instruction materials from the IRS and will serve at VITA sites throughout the community. For more information, contact Sheryl Silva, 826-4480, ext. 341.

AUGUSTA/CSRA HABITAT FOR HUMANITY needs volunteers at ReStore, Walton Way and Tenth Street, to assist with receiving donations of new and used building and home improvement materials and warehousing them for sale to the public. The store is open Thursday-Saturday year-round. If you can com-

mit eight or more hours per month, contact Steve Buck, 364-7637.

MENTORS AND VOLUNTEERS needed to provide support for MACH Academy at the May Park Communtiy Center and the Fleming Tennis Center. Education, tutoring and technology sessions held Monday-Thursday, 3-6 p.m. at each location. Tennis instruction and fitness activities held Monday-Thursday, 6-7 p.m. at May Park and Monday-Tuesday, 6-8 p.m., Friday, 6-8 p.m. and Saturday, 2-5 p.m. at the Fleming Center. 796-5046.

FOSTER PARENTS NEEDED for children and teenagers in Richmond County. For information, contact Luera Lewis, 721-3718.

PHINIZY SWAMP NATURE PARK VISITOR CENTER is in need of volunteers to greet visitors, hand out literature and sell merchandise. Volunteers must commit to one Saturday or Sunday each month, from either 9 a.m.-1 p.m. or 1-5 p.m. 828-2109.

UNITED HOSPICE OF AUGUSTA is in need of volunteers to support terminally ill patients. Scheduling and training times are flexible. Call Donna Harrell at 650-1522 for information.

THE ARTISTS’ CONSERVATORY THEATRE OF THE CSRA is looking for volunteer board members, actors and production crew. Call 556-9134 or e-mail act@theatermail.net.

SERVICE CORPS OF RETIRED EXECUTIVES (SCORE) provides counseling and mentoring to businesspeople starting up a new business or expanding an ongoing business. Services are provided free of charge. For more information, call the Augusta office at 793-9998.

SOUTHERNCARE HOSPICE SERVICE is currently seeking volunteers to perform a variety of tasks, including relieving caregivers, reading to patients and running errands. Training is included. For additional information, contact Lisa Simpson, (803) 463-9888 or 869-0205.

COURT APPOINTED SPECIAL ADVOCATE PROGRAM VOLUNTEER TRAINING: The CASA program is looking for volunteers 21 years of age and older to advocate for abused and neglected children in the juvenile court system. Volunteers need no experience and will be provided with specialized training. Call 737-4631.

CSRA HUMANE SOCIETY NEW VOLUNTEER ORIENTATION PROGRAM the third Saturday of every month at the Pet Center, 425 Wood St. Orientation starts at 11 a.m.

Volunteers under 18 years of age must have a parent or guardian present during orientation and while volunteering. Call 261-PETS for information.

THE KITTY ORTIZ DE LEON FOUNDATION needs volunteers to help promote organ donor awareness. For more information, please contact Cassandra Reed or Espy De Leon at 394-0838 or kodfoundation@aol.com.

CANOE AND KAYAK CLUB OF AUGUSTA meets the fourth Tuesday of each month at 7 p.m. at the Warren Road Community Center. For more info, call Jim Mashburn at 860-5432.

ANNUAL MEETING OF THE FRIENDS OF AUGUSTA LIBRARY Jan. 26, 7 p.m., at Covenant Presbyterian Church. Valerie Boyd will discuss her book, “Wrapped in Rainbows: The Life of Zora Neale Hurston.” Free and open to the public. Call 821-2600.

TOASTMASTERS’ NIGHT OF CELEBRATION Jan. 27, 5:30 p.m. For information, contact Schan Ellis, 771-8532.

THE GEORGIA AFRICAN-AMERICAN HISTORIC PRESERVATION NETWORK annual meeting will take place on January 30-31 at the Springfield Baptist Church. The theme for the meeting is “Georgia History Through the Eyes of African Americans,” and will focus on the contributions of African-Americans to the cultural and structural environment in Georgia. For more information, call Isaac Johnson at (706) 738-1901.

“THE FIRST STEP” DIVORCE RECOVERY WORKSHOP meets Sundays through Feb. 29 from 4-6 p.m. in Room 201 of the Walton Building at First Baptist Church. Free to the public. Free childcare for kids up to age 5. No registration is required. For more information, call 733-2236 or visit www.fbcaugusta.org.

Weekly OVEREATERS ANONYMOUS meets every Sunday night, 7:30 p.m., at Holy Trinity Lutheran Church in North Augusta. For more information, call 278-5156.

NAR-ANON FAMILY GROUP for relatives and friends of drug abusers. No dues or fees. The group meets Mondays at 7 p.m. Call for location. For information, contact Josie, 414-5576, or Lionel, 860-0302.

GAMBLERS ANONYMOUS meets Thursdays, 7:30 p.m., in the basement of Fairview Presbyterian Church. 1800-313-0170.

ALCOHOLICS ANONYMOUS: For more information and a meeting schedule, call 860-8331.

NARCOTICS ANONYMOUS: If you want to stop using any drugs, there is a way out. Help is available at no cost.

Call the Narcotics Anonymous help line for information and meeting schedules at 855-2419.

SEXAHOLICS ANONYMOUS, a 12-step program of recovery from addiction to obsessive/compulsive sexual thoughts and behaviors, meets Wednesdays at 8 p.m. at Christ Church Unity, 2301 Central Ave. Call 339-1204 and leave first name and phone number; a confidential reply is assured.

GUIDELINES: Public service announcements are listed in this section without charge at the discretion of the editor. Announcements must be received by Monday at noon and will be included as space permits. Send to Events, Metro Spirit, P.O. Box 3809, Augusta, GA 30914 or fax (706) 733-6663. You may also e-mail listings to rhonda.jones@metrospirit.com or lisa.jordan@metrospirit.com. Listings cannot be taken over the phone.

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Arts: Music

M E T R O

You Can Wear Jeans if You Want To

O

ne sunny afternoon at the Sacred Heart Cultural Center, Augusta Symphony Conductor Donald Portnoy made an unexpected comparison.

“It’s like going to a football game, (as opposed to) watching it on TV,” he said of symphony concerts as he leaned back in his chair. “When you’re watching it on TV, you don’t hear the screams.”

And that comparison pretty much made my day. That was it. I could have died a happy writer.

But likening a symphony concert to something as everyday as football seems characteristic of Portnoy’s attitude toward what he does — that it’s not some hoity-toity event you can only attend if you’ve memorized “The History of Music in Western Civilization,” say the word “chap” a lot and never appear after 5 p.m. without tuxedo or evening gown. Of course, if you want to get all gussied up for your night out on the town, symphony concerts are a great excuse to do just that. But it’s not required.

You can come in your jeans, Portnoy said.

And you are not required to do anything but enjoy yourself.

“We don’t ask people … or tell people how to dress,” he said. The orchestra, of course, appears in formal attire, he added, but that’s for the benefit of the audience (that would be you) — because they enjoy seeing it. And it is quite a nice spectacle — a swath of black fabric, shadowy among the golden, auburn and chestnut-colored bodies of the stringed instruments, bows moving in unison, fingers spidering up and down the necks of instruments, silver strings sparkling with brilliant bursts of light.

It’s kinda pretty. So everyone will be looking at them, pretty much, not you. So you can relax and take in the sights and the sounds.

“You go to New York City and people will be dressed all different kinds of ways. Some people say, ‘I don’t feel like doing that,’ and no one really cares,” he said.

And it’s like that all over the world, he said, even at a concert he attended recently in China a few weeks ago.

I asked if he thought interest in classical music was waning. He said that the Saturday evening dinner concert at the Radisson was already sold out, so that he didn’t really think so. He said the main thing classical groups need to do is not only publicize their performances, but let people know why they should come — what about the experience promises to be different and interesting.

As for those who don’t think they know enough to enjoy classical music, Portnoy agreed that it is, after all, just music. “You don’t have to know anything,” he said. “It’s like a painting. You either like it or you don’t.”

And for those of you who are afraid of paintings, it’s pretty much like a TV show:

You don’t know if you’re going to like it if you never turn to that channel.

Most people, he added, don’t realize that they are surrounded by classical music on a daily basis anyway. For instance, he said, imagine watching a movie without the score.

“You get into an elevator, you hear music.

Even theatre. When you see a play, which is not music, they’ll be playing music beforehand.”

Then he compared a theatre to Sam’s Club.

And here is how he got here from there. He said that Sam’s can’t afford to look like a warehouse anymore because other superstores are providing, not only tons and tons of stuff for its customers to buy in bulk, but pleasant places for them to do it in. They are creating an experience.

Producing a performance is like that, he said: The venue creates the atmosphere; the atmosphere creates the experience.

“Your whole life is atmosphere,” he said.

“We as human beings change each day and week. It’s amazing how much music has to do with that.”

The sold-out Saturday show is a dinner concert, so I asked him how a dinner concert works. “We will probably be playing as they’re doing some eating. … By the time they get to their coffee and dessert we’ll be playing.”

If you’re not one of those lucky enough to have a ticket, you have a couple of options.

One, forget about it and go home. Two, check at Will Call the night of the show to see if any of the ticketholders bailed. Three, plan to catch the rest of the season.

And you’ve got four concert series to choose from.

The Encore Chamber Series brings concerts by the Symphony’s principal musicians at the Unitarian Universalist Church on Walton Way at 8 p.m. Saturdays.

As part of the Pops! At the Bell Series, Big Bad Voodoo Daddy is coming to make your Valentine’s Day a special event. Daddy are seven guys that are into swing, and who really give an energetic, retro show. They bring you pin-striped zoot suits, fedora hats and spectator shoes — oh yeah, and swing from the ‘40s and ‘50s.

The next Masterworks Series event takes place on Feb. 28, when Welsh pianist Richard Ormrod comes to town to play Mozart’s “Impresario Overture” and his “Symphony No. 41,” as well as Beethoven’s “Piano Concerto No. 3.”

Ormrod returns on Feb. 29 as part of the Publix Family Series. The show is called “Musical Tales” and will highlight Prokofiev’s “Peter and the Wolf.” This year’s winner of the Symphony Youth Competition in Piano will also play. Greenbrier Middle School Chorus opens for them.

And that is by no means the rest of the series, but simply the very next thing that each of Augusta Symphony’s four series have

S P I R I T

By Rhonda Jones

J A N 2 2 2 0 0 4

Augusta Symphony Conductor Donald Portnoy

“It’s like going to a football game, (as opposed to) watching it on TV. When you’re watching it on TV, you don’t hear the screams.”

—Maestro Donald Portnoy to offer. Beware, though, that while it doesn’t happen often, artists are subject to change. If you have questions about particular performances, would like a season brochure, are

dying to buy season tickets for next year or just want to be a groupie, give Augusta Symphony a call at (706) 826-4705 or visit the Web site at www.augustasymphony.org.

28

Arts: Theatre

M E T R O S P I R I T

A SOLO PIANO CONCERT

J A N 2 2 2 0 0 4

West Acres Baptist Church Thursday, January 29th, 2004 at 7:30PM 555 Gibbs Rd., Evans, GA 30809

Tickets $20 in advance at Golden Harvest Food Bank.

Call (706) 736-1199 ext. 208 for more information or visit our Web site at www.goldenharvest.org.

CHARGE BY PHONE (706) 736-1199 ext. 208

To Benefit:

Please join us in support of Golden Harvest Food Bank programs by bringing a donation of non-perishable food to the concert. Collection barrels will be available in the lobby.

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“Die Fledermaus” or “The Marx Brothers Go to Vienna”

By Rhonda Jones

Production: Johann Strauss Jr.’s “Die Fledermaus.” In case you were wondering, it means “The Bat.” Company: Augusta Opera Interviewee: Executive Director Mark Flint (not “Flynt”)

His plot to lure you to the opera: “On stage it’ll look, first of all, very pretty. This is a new production that I’ve rented from the Virginia Opera. And it’s very Reubenesque – a lot of ladies frolicking with Cupid.” (Hey, ladies frolicking with Cupid. You can’t beat that. Now, is this the baby Cupid in Valentine’s Day cards or the grown-up “Cupid and Psyche” Cupid who ran home to Mama because of a little candlewax?)

Synopsis: See, there are these two guys, Eisenstein and Falke, one of which is due at the jail for a minor His other plot to lure offense, the other of you to the opera: “And which is plotting we are playing it for revenge for a practical laughs. It’s like the joke once played on Marx Brothers go to him by the other.

Vienna.”

Eisenstein had left him passed-out drunk in a The Tuesday’s Music park costumed as a Live connection: On bat, to be awakened by Jan. 27, at St. Paul’s the partiers in the Church downtown morning, at which some of the cast willl point Falke’s social perform Tuesday’s standing went down a Music Live. You will bit. So he persuades see Eric Van Hoven Eisenstein to accom— Augusta Opera Executive (Eisenstein), Terry pany him to Prince Director Mark Flint Murphy (Falke), Jesse Orlofsky’s ball – as Raven (Prince well as Eisenstien’s Orlofsky), Russell Joel wife, her maid, and the prison warden, who all appear in disguise. Brown (Frank, the prison warden), Eric Johnston (Alfred, Rosalind’s lover). Rosalind, Unable to recognize her, Eisenstein makes by the way, is Eisenstein’s wife. passes at his own wife, Rosalind. She takes his watch, planning to use it to confront him later on a charge of adultery. Or at least What he has to say about that: We’re going to attempted adultery. And it only gets more do some of “Fledermaus,” as well as some convoluted from there. from “Carmen” and some from popular musical theatre.”

Really Interesting Tidbit: Augusta Opera’s executive director’s name is Mark Flint, not What about the artistic director? That would Flynt, and he enunciates more precisely than be John Hoomes, and this would be his third anyone I have ever met. It’s the coolest thing. production with Augusta Opera, including “Carousel” and “Tosca.” He keeps flying in from out of state, so he must like Augusta What he has to say about the convoluted Opera just a little. revenge angle: “It’s revenge within the 19th century before revenge could be taken much more easily and with other means.” And here A final ploy to lure you to the Opera: Flint suggests he laughed most chillingly. that seeing “Die Fledermaus” is a “wonderful prelude” to Valentine’s Day, and swears you will What he has to say about Junior: (Yes, Johann leave the theatre “laughing and humming.”

Strauss was a junior. And apparently he knew a thing or two about composing.) “The comOther vital info: The opera takes place Jan. 29 poser is known as the Waltz King because and 31 at 8 p.m. and Feb. 1 at 3 p.m. at the he’s written numerous waltzes that have Imperial Theatre. If you have questions, give gained international fame, many of them in them a call at (706) 826-4710, or go find this piece.” them at the Sacred Heart Cultural Center on 13th and Greene.

“It’s revenge within the 19th century before revenge could be taken much more easily and with other means.”

2 FOR 1

Arts: Books

Winter Gathering of Writers

Domestic Beer House Wine & Well Drinks

4-8PM • MON-THURS

EVERY FRI & SAT Quiet Storm 6-10PM Wide Variety of Lunch & Dinner Specials

Novelist Donna Hemans will read you a story on Jan. 28. know how to describe it – I guess you get so accustomed to describing it for the tourists who are interested in the weather and the beach… It is a beautiful country which has problems, like everywhere else in the world.”

She suspects, though, that her perspective has been colored by the fact that she has lived in another country for years.

And as for the future, she is working on her second book, running a fiction workshop at Georgetown University and working as a business journalist.

“That one is even harder to describe but it’s also set in Jamaica,” she said. “It’s the story of a young woman who is sent from her home to become a domestic worker after her mother dies.”

Donna Hemans will be in town to read selections from her work as part of the Winter Gathering of Writers. She isn’t sure what she will read next week, but has a few ideas.

“I tend to read a number of different sections to give people a flavor,” she said. “Or, I guess, a sense of the various characters and emotions.”

Sandra Meek will also read at the Winter Gathering. She is the author of “Nomadic Foundations,” a book of poetry published in 2002 by Elixir Press.

She has also published a chapbook and placed poems in various publications.

The event takes place in Allgood Hall, Room E158, on the campus of Augusta State University at 7:30 p.m. on Wednesday, Jan. 28. The reading is free and open to the public. There will be a book signing following the readings. For info, contact Professor Tony Kellman at (706) 737-1500 or at akellman@aug.edu.

Augusta's

Best Restaurant

By Rhonda Jones

W

hen you read the first chapter of the novel “River Woman” online at www.donnahemans.com, you will be drawn in by the quick, easy prose, like a swift current that takes you off your feet and carries you along. When you read the last few sentences, you will feel desperate to get your hands on Chapter Two. It is the story of a Jamaican woman whose small child has drowned in her presence, and who finds herself blamed by her peers, who say she let the boy die so she would get an opportunity to move to America. She claims otherwise.

“They believe she would have done almost anything to leave,” said author Donna Hemans in a telephone interview with Metro Spirit.

When asked to explain what her first book is about, she agreed that is a difficult question to answer.

“It is, because there are some things that are very difficult to explain, and I think so many people want to hear, ‘Oh it’s a love story,’ and it isn’t, and in some ways it’s a very sad story. I think a lot of people have become accustomed to the Hollywood ending, the Hollywood story, and that is not what life is about.”

She says she doesn’t set out to write sad stories, but she doesn’t set out to write happy ones either. She wants her tales to introduce readers to something they’re not accustomed to, not merely cause them to feel good.

“What people are trying to understand by the time they get to the end of the book: What is the truth? Do we ever know the truth in any situation at all?”

I asked her then if she thought of writing as a growth experience. “In some ways, yes. I think writers generally transfer some of themselves into their work and perhaps it’s not necessarily a personal story – but something they’re experiencing in some ways.”

But Hemans wrote “River Woman” to achieve understanding of things like the sort of desperation that can drive some people to do things that seem crazy or terrible.

She was also interested in learning more about what happens to the children left behind by their immigrant parents.

Her central character was one of those children, as her mother had moved to America when the central character was a small child.

“At the time I started (“River Woman”), a friend of mine had moved here from Jamaica and she had left her young child behind. She was a struggling student, working full-time, trying to send money back home and trying to make a living for herself. … That is the reason I wanted to understand.”

I asked about Jamaica but, being from there, she found that description difficult as well. “In some ways (it’s) like it is here,” she said. “Let’s see…..I don’t

29

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M E T R O S P I R I T J A N 2 2 2 0 0 4

30 M E T R O S P I R I T

Cinema

“Mystic River”

J A N 2 2

Along Came Polly (PG-13) — Ben Stiller has pungent moments of frenzy as insurance risk appraiser Reuben Fef fer, panicked in the powder room of Polly (Jennifer Aniston), desperate for some paper and reduced to using her favorite new toiletry utensil. But the script could use a few ex tra flushes. He wants to impress Polly, ace Village gal whom Aniston sustains with her special combo of daf fy-chick looseness and wisecracking sense. The movie is best when they're on-screen, fidgeting with romance. "Along Came Polly" has, by current standards of go-for-it mall comedy, regularity. You can laugh or wince or do both in sync, but you'd have to invoke the standards of a previous era to get genuinely of fended by it (to be deeply amused, you'd need no standards). Cast: Ben Stiller, Jennifer Aniston, Philip Seymour Hof fman, Alec Baldwin, Bryan Brown, Debra Messing, Hank Azaria.

Running time: 1 hr., 30 mins. (Elliot t) ★★ Big Fish (PG-13) — The center of this film is stolid William Bloom (Billy Crudup). Near the end of his father's long life, Bill is still peeved with the old boy for telling so many tall stories, for endlessly embroidering the truth with his drawlin' Dixie whoppers.

Beneficiaries of his motorized mouth include wife Sandy (Jessica Lange), and Jenny, the woman who wanted him, a pinin' lady of the pines (Helena Bonham Car ter). The movie isn't deep or risky enough to earn the catch in the throat it finally asks for. But it has the appeal of good times remembered and cute, cranky lines like, "Most things considered wicked are simply lonely and lacking in social niceties." Cast: Alber t Finney, Ewan McGregor, Billy Crudup, Jessica Lange, Helena Bonham Car ter, Steve Buscemi. Running time: 1 hr., 50 mins. (Elliot) ★★1/2 Brother Bear (G) — Latest Disney animated

Warner Bros. Pictures

Movie Listings

2 0 0 4

of fering about a young man, Kenai, who is transformed by The Great Spirits into a bear. On a quest to gain back his human form, Kenai befriends a bear cub, Koda, and evades his human brother, who, not realizing Kenai has been turned into a bear, is on Kenai’s trail on a revenge mission.Cast: Jeremy Suarez, Joaquin Phoenix, Rick Moranis, Dave Thomas.

The Butterfly Effect (R) — Ashton Kutcher takes a break from his typical comedic hijinks to star as a young man whose memory is rendered unusuable due to a psychological disease. Encouraged by his childhood psychologist to keep journals, he decides to reread them and discovers that the journals can take him back in time, where he can try to right the wrongs of his past and possibly change the present. Cast: Ashton Kutcher, Amy Smar t, Eric Stoltz, Ethan Suplee.

Calendar Girls (PG-13) — The story begins in tragedy: Annie's (Julie Walters) wise, gentle husband John (John Alder ton) contracts, then dies of, leukemia.

Wanting to do something, she determines to provide a decent sofa for the visitors to the hospital's sick and dying patients. What bet ter way than through the Women's Institute's annual calendar? A problem: How to boost sales? She and her naughty-girl girlfriend Chris (Helen Mirren) come up with a most improbable scheme, and enlist enough of their fellow 40- and 50something W.I. members to make it happen. Mirren and Walters simply don't have enough story to work with; they seem almost to be flailing in their at tempt to gin up some drama from the flaccid script. Cast: Helen Mirren, Julie Walters, John Alder ton, Linda Basset t, Penelope Wilton. Running time: 1 hr., 48 mins. (Salm) ★★ The Cat in the Hat (PG) — This bulldozing

movie has about as much to do with Dr. Seuss’ wit ty and impressively drawn kids' books as Adam Sandler has with Molière. It's a brash defilement of Geisel's most famous work, yet so compulsively cheery that people might try to ignore the obvious. Mike Myers plays the Cat in a big hat and costume of fake fur that stifles his amusing features. He's supposed to be the spirit of wild, impish fun, helping lif t the depressed scamp Conrad (pudgy, likable Spencer Breslin) and his control-freak sister, Sally (Dakota Fanning), a dwar fish total woman who star ts of f each day by making a list.

Director Bo Welch's technique is to just keep hurling (both senses of the word apply). His tireless approach is astoundingly tiresome. Cast: Mike Myers, Dakota Fanning, Alec Baldwin, Spencer Breslin, Kelly Preston.

Running time: 1 hr., 32 mins. (Elliot t) ★ Chasing Liberty (PG-13) — Mandy Moore is presidential daughter Anna Foster, still a virgin and ready not to be. Anna sickens of of ficial routine and Secret Service guardians during dad's visit to Prague and flees to a rock concer t, then heads into the wild night on the Vespa of a stick-thin hunk, Ben (Mat thew Goode). Ben is an earnest Secret Service agent, let ting Anna run loose on a chain still linked to daddy. This is 2004's first airball of goo, so you can begin your binge long before summer. Because the soundtrack romps and stomps so of ten, you might set tle for buying the CD, but then you would miss the many postcard views of Europe. Cast: Mandy Moore, Jeremy Piven, Annabella Sciorra, Mark Harmon, Mat thew Goode.

Running time: 1 hr., 51 mins. (Elliot t) ★★ Cheaper by the Dozen (PG) — To make an old (1950) Clif ton Webb comedy without Clif ton Webb is a serious loss, but get ting Steve Mar tin — a vanillashaked version of Webb's snappish fussiness — is not

Warner Bros. Pictures

“Torque”

RATINGS ★★★★ — Excellent

★★★— Worthy

★★ — Mixed

★ — Poor

a bad idea for "Cheaper By the Dozen." He's engaging as Tom Baker, football coach and father of 12 kids.

Bonnie Hunt plays the wife and mom, Kate, looking awfully good despite the wear. The Bakers have a great life in a small town where Tom coaches, but he's hired to go to a bigger team outside Chicago, and the only story is the stress on the family from their move.

The film is simple and obvious and plastic, but diver ting. Designed to be fluf f, it's fluf fy all the time. Cast: Steve Mar tin, Bonnie Hunt, Piper Perabo, Hilary Duf f, Richard Jenkins. Running time: 1 hr., 34 mins. (Elliot t) ★★ Cold Mountain (R) — Sick of the war, the wounded Confederate soldier Inman (Jude Law) trudges back home to Cold Mountain, N.C. Waiting for him, he hopes, is the woman he briefly knew, Ada (Nicole Kidman), the polished daughter of a preacher (Donald Sutherland). It's their unrequited love that draws Inman back, along with the land, and that keeps Ada going as she learns how to survive in the almost lawless country. Pushed along by old tunes that burr and rasp in the "O Brother, Where Ar t Thou?" mode, the movie has rhy thm, but it overall feels like just one darn hard day af ter another. Cast: Jude Law, Nicole Kidman, Renee Zellweger, Brendan Gleeson, Natalie Por tman, Philip Seymour Hof fman, Donald Sutherland, Giovanni Ribisi. Running time: 2 hrs., 21 mins. (Elliot t) ★★1/2 Elf (PG) — Years ago, a human boy was adopted by one of Santa’s elves af ter sneaking a ride back to the Nor th Pole in Santa’s bag of presents. Now he’s fully grown, his height and clumsy nature impeding his duties in the workshop. He decides it’s time to travel to the human world and search for his family. Taking a job as a depar tment store Elf, he inspires humans to believe in Santa Claus. Cast: Will Ferrell, James Caan, Zooey Deschanel, Bob Newhar t, Mary Steenburgen.

The Fighting Temptations (PG-13) — Cuba Gooding Jr. plays Darrin, a junior adver tising exec with secrets. He's nearly broke and he lied on his resume to get his job. Then the worst-case scenario happens: His deception is discovered af ter he helps to land a major account for the company. Then he learns that his Aunt Sally has passed away and he's expected to at tend her funeral as her last surviving relative. Darrin learns that he'll gain a huge inheritance if he whips the church choir into shape in time for a gospel contest.

This is where "The Fighting Temptations" falls into the pit of stupidity. What saves the movie from being a total stinker is the music. As for Gooding, he seems to have confused charm and enthusiasm for acting. Cast: Cuba Gooding Jr., Beyonce Knowles, Mike Epps, Melba Moore, Angie Stone, the O'Jays, Montell Jordan and Rue McClanahan. Running time: 1 hr., 28 mins.

(McCormick) ★★ Honey (PG-13) — Like having the fluids drained out of your system and replaced by a sugar-loaded, mixed-drink concoction of a color not found in nature.

Honey Daniels (Jessica Alba) bar tends, dances and teaches hip-hop dance at a youth center. Discovered, she makes a fast splash as a music-video dancer and choreographer. There are jolts of energy from occasional moments of hip-hop frenzy, but the editing is so rapid-fire that what appears on the screen looks more like a video game than dance. Will Honey remember her old pals in the 'hood? Why, yes. First "Radio," now this; uplif t has never seemed so enervating. Running

0— Not worthy

time: 1 hr., 28 mins. (Salm) ★1/2

Steve Mar tin as the mastermind villian. Running time: 1 hr., 32 mins. (Elliot) ★★★

House of Sand and Fog (R) — As Col.

Massoud Amir Behrani, refugee from the shah's regime in Iran, Ben Kingsley is dominant as this ironspined but desperate man. Behrani has brought his wife and two children to the Bay Area, and he works hard, dir ty jobs to replenish the nest egg af ter his daughter's lavish wedding. He buys cheaply a beach home from which the owner, Kathy (Jennifer Connelly), was suddenly evicted. Divorced and aimless, a recovered alcoholic, she lost the house in a ta x foreclosure, but now finds the grit to want her family's old nest back. The movie has a touchingly lived-in force of experience. In a way, it's all about the most sacred theme of California life: real estate. You can be killed by the fine print, and personal hell can be worse than escrow. Cast: Ben Kingsley, Jennifer Connelly, Ron Eldard, Shohreh Aghdashloo, Frances Fisher, Jonny Ahdout. Running time: 1 hr., 50 mins. (Elliot t) ★★★ The Last Samurai (R) — Tom Cruise stars as Nathan Algren, a heroic Civil War veteran and then embit tered cavalry man, reduced to heavy drinking and shilling for a gun company. Algren goes to Japan, paid to train the new imperial army in modern ways and weapons. But he finds himself drawn to the insurgent cause and almost idyllic life in the hills of samurai leader Katsumoto (Watanabe), who fights for the old ways and hopes to win over the adolescent emperor from greedy modernists. Having come to teach, Algren stays to learn. He is captured af ter impressing Katsumoto with his fighting spirit; the "barbarian" has a tiger within. "The Last Samurai" bides its time, has a predictable plot, but gives pleasure of a sustained kind.

Cast: Tom Cruise, Ken Watanabe, Tony Goldwyn, Timothy Spall, Koyuki. Running time: 2 hrs., 24 mins.

(Elliot t) ★★★

Looney Tunes: Back in Action (PG) —

Director Joe Dante's hip game plan is a double-decker: one deck of enter tainment for kids (and teens who don't scof f at kids' movies), another for the grown, if not greatly more adult, viewers. Brendan Frasier stars with Bugs Bunny, Daf fy Duck and the stable of Warner Bros. car toon characters. Joining Frasier are Timothy Dalton, Joan Cusack, Jenna Elfman, and Locklear and

The Lord of the Rings: The Return of the King (PG-13) — lasts 200 minutes, and some of

those are long minutes. The last 20 can feel like an hour, for clearly creator Peter Jackson didn't wish to let his saga go. Bernard Hill, Viggo Mor tensen and Orlando Bloom are impressive fighters, and Cate Blanchet t makes a gorgeous Galadriel. This is posing, not acting. Sir Ian McKellen acts very well as noble Gandalf, but lines about hear t, courage and fate make him Lord For tune Cookie. "Lord" is all epic, all the time. Jackson loves bat tles, which means hurling dense masses of mostly computerized fighters at one another. If the clima x bat tle this time is more overpowering than the Helm's Deep boggler in "Two Towers," does it truly deepen the story? Maybe it is just more spectacle, as clima xes are stacked high and then the epic winds down with Elijah Woods as Frodo (now mildly matured) exiting sweetly, his destiny done.

Cast: Ian McKellen, Elijah Wood, Cate Blanchet t, Viggo Mor tensen, Ian Holm, Orlando Bloom, Sean Astin.

Running time: 3 hrs., 20 mins. ★★ Love Don’t Cost a Thing (PG-13) — “Love Don’t Cost a Thing” is a remake of the 1987 teen comedy “Can’t Buy Me Love.” An unpopular geek blackmails a cheerleader into posing as his girlfriend in an at tempt to improve his reputation. Cast: Nick Cannon, Christina Milian, Vanessa Bell Calloway, Kal Penn, Steve Harvey, Kenan Thompson.

The Matrix: Revolutions (R) — So much expectation, so much budget and now ... this? Yep, a grinding bore with more solemn neo-religious talk about savior Neo (Keanu Reeves), contending worlds (equally ugly) and video game (oops, action) payof fs that cost hugely, but of fer trite satisfaction (hordes of metallic bugs, a leaping fist fight in the rain). Nobody really acts, though Mary Alice is cute as a cookie-baking oracle. Hugo Weaving as the evil, grinning Agent Smith still seems like an FBI man hysterical about losing J. Edgar Hoover. It's a banal epic, for diehard fans only. Running time: 2 hrs., 9 mins. (Elliot t) ★ The Missing (R) — Cate Blanchet t is again superb, as a flinty frontier mom who rides hard across 1870s New Mexico, chasing a mostly Apache band

“Along Came Polly”

Don’t Miss bite

that took her daughter, slowly making up with her long absent and "gone Injun" father (Tommy Lee Jones).

Ron Howard directed with a true eye for detail and landscape, Eric Schweig is an alarmingly vicious sorcerer, the brutality is frequent and not for tender viewers. Running time: 2 hrs., 10 mins. (Elliot t) ★★★ Mona Lisa Smile (PG-13) — Julia Rober ts has no Mona Lisa smile — enigmatic coyness isn't in her range — but her big, horsey grin flashes its horse sense and beaming charm through much of "Mona Lisa Smile," and viewers can smile in return. She plays Katherine Watson, a "Bohemian from California" who in 1953 comes to Wellesley College to teach ar t history.

Katherine is, of course, a Pacific breeze, a progressive, star tled to find that her class has mastered the curriculum tex t before her arrival. She quickly teaches the "girls" to stop being rote drones and confront a grand new Jackson Pollock, the holy grail of Ike Era modernism. The movie has pinches of ar t history, but takes more time with Katherine's love life. Cast: Julia Rober ts, Kirsten Dunst, Julia Stiles, Maggie Gyllenhaal, Constance Baker, Ginnifer Goodwin, Dominic West, Marcia Gay Harden. Running time: 1 hr., 57 mins. ★★1/2 My Baby’s Daddy (PG-13) — A trio of par tying bachelors from the ‘hood must curb their wild ways when they discover all three of their girlfriends are pregnant at the same time. Cast: Eddie Grif fin, Anthony Anderson, Method Man, Bai Ling, Paula Jai Parker.

Mystic River (R) — Clint Eastwood (directing) and writer Brian Helgeland heap loads of emotional freight on a slow, solemn barge of plot. Its core is a police case (Kevin Bacon, Laurence Fishburne fine as the detectives) about a murder haunted by a past crime. Sean Penn does furious brooding and manly weeping as a dead girl's father, Tim Robbins is a haunted wreck as an abuse victim, Laura Linney and Marcia Gay Harden are sidelined. From its por tentous title to its Boston Irish pride parade, the film aches for greatness and achieves high TV drama; the case wrap-up is rushed and fishy. Running time: 2 hrs., 20 mins. (Elliot t) ★★ Paycheck (PG-13) — Ben Af fleck is a computer genius who gets his memory wiped af ter a secret, three-year project, then finds himself cheated of the $92 million payof f from creepy CEO Aaron Eckhar t.

But Ben lef t behind a kit of clues, and he's put them together, despite the big memory lapse. He even got a state lot tery payof f for himself to compensate for the lost loot. And try to believe in Uma Thurman as tagalong Rachel, trying to inser t some emotions between the clacking wheels of plot. At times, you may believe the script's memory has been evaporated. If whole pages are gone, or hurled together in a lot tery numbers bin, would we much notice, or care? Cast: Ben Af fleck, Uma Thurman, Aaron Eckhar t, Paul Giamat ti.

Running time: 1 hr. 50 min. (Elliot t) ★1/2 Peter Pan (PG) — P.J. Hogan's film is like a cyberized revamp of Disney, but every thing is brighter, fuller, glitzier, with live actors and lots of mat ted ef fects. Capt. Hook's pirate ship is a vir tual theme park awaiting customers. The feared crocodile seems to be from some Jurassic park. Clouds are so pink and cotton-candied you expect Peter and the others to get stuck in them. The magic can get a lit tle ballistic. It's a remarkably sensual film. The action scenes are amusingly zest ful, Peter is adorable but not too cute, the pirates are a spry bunch of uglies, but it's the characters connecting emotionally that makes "Peter Pan" fly.

For kids, the movie is a sure thing. Cast: Jason Isaacs, Jeremy Sumpter, Rachel Hurd-Wood, Lynn Redgrave, Olivia Williams, Richard Briars. Running time: 1 hr., 32 mins. (Elliot t) ★★★ Radio (PG) — Ed Harris is Harold Jones, the coach of the high school football team in a small South

priceless

Carolina town. Coach Jones takes pity on James (Cuba Gooding Jr.), a mentally handicapped young man who mutely pushes his shopping car t past the practice field every day, and makes him a kind of team, then school mascot. Nicknamed Radio, he melts the hear t of almost everyone he encounters. A few antagonists enter and exit periodically. The schmaltzintolerant would be wise simply to Fed-Ex seven bucks and a vial of tears directly to Columbia Pictures. Cast: Cuba Gooding Jr. Ed Harris, Brent Sex ton, Riley Smith.

Running time: 1 hr., 46 mins. (Salm) ★1/2 Scary Movie 3 (PG-13) — The third film in the “Scary Movie” series once again spoofs a series of recent horror hits, fantasy epic films and other pop culture sensations, including “8 Mile,” “The Matrix,” “The Ring,” “The Others” and “Signs.” Cast: David Zucker, Anna Faris, Charlie Sheen, Regina Hall, Denise Richards.

Something’s Gotta Give (PG-13) — Jack Nicholson plays with his cruising wolf image and his age (66), spor ting with them as compulsive single Harry Langer. Harry's latest find for a fling is svelte Marin (Amanda Peet), an auctioneer who treats him like a lusty antique. They go to her divorced parents' beach house. But when he meets mother Erica (Keaton), a playwright, the awkward moments quiver.

Harry has a sudden hear t crisis. He ends up stuck for a night with Erica. What happens is silly, knowing, wit ty, touching and abet ted def tly by a terrific score.

When someone says of Erica's new play, "It's sweet, it's smar t, it's funny," that serves as a review of the movie. Critics should be pleased to echo it. Cast: Jack Nicholson, Diane Keaton, Keanu Reeves, Frances McDormand, Amanda Peet. Running time: 1 hr., 47 mins. (Elliot t) ★★★★ Teacher’s Pet (PG) — Adapted from the Disney and ABC television series, “Teacher’s Pet” follows the plight of Spot, a talking dog who is trying to become human. He consults a mad scientist, with some hilarious results along the way. Cast: Kelsey Grammer, Nathan Lane, Debra Jo Rupp, David Ogden Stiers, Jerry Stiller.

The Texas Chainsaw Massacre (R) — It’s a remake of the original film and based loosely on true events that inspired that film and “The Silence of the Lambs.” A group of friends becomes isolated in the midst of a clan of cannibals. Cast: Jessica Biel, Jonathan Tucker, Eric Balfour, Erica Leerhsen.

Timeline (PG-13) — Using actual smoke and mirrors (yes, believe it), time-trippers go through a "wormhole" to turbulent France, 1357. Big men, big swords, catapults firing flaming balls, a princess falling for a modern hunk, David Thewlis wearing an American accent like armor, Billy Connolly being Scot tish, Paul Walker looking ready to head home for sur fing, Richard Donner hacking away as director: fun for boys and aging fans of 1950s MGM. Running time: 1 hr., 45 mins. (Elliot t) ★★ Torque (PG-13) — Biker Cary Ford returns to the hometown he lef t af ter taking several motorcycles belonging to a notorious drug dealer. The dealer is looking for his bikes, which contain a hidden stash in their gas tanks. When Ford refuses to give up the bikes, the dealer frames him for the murder of a rival gang leader. Now, Ford must outrun the drug dealer, a biker gang and the FBI. Cast: Mar tin Henderson, Monet Mazur, Ice Cube, Jay Hernandez, Mat t Schulze.

Win a Date With Tad Hamilton (PG-13) —

When a teenage girl wins a contest in which the grand prize is a chance to date Hollywood’s most eligible bachelor, she finds herself in a love triangle with him and her best friend.

—Capsules compiled from movie reviews written by David Elliott, film critic for The San Diego Union-Tribune and other staff writers.

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Cinema: Review

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’ve never been to a major film festival and, to be honest, I didn’t really know what to expect when I arrived in Park City, Utah, late Friday night on the 16th. The Sundance Film Festival, which has come to be the premiere American film festival, began on Jan. 15th. What I’ve heard of the Festival – which was established to discover new talents and launch daring, small-budget films that studios wouldn’t – is that it’s been corrupted by Hollywood. In many ways the Festival, like independent cinema itself, has been branded as too corporate and overrun by celebrities. After being out there in the thick of it, surrounded by the breathtaking American landscape of the West, it’s hard not to be a little ambivalent about what Sundance really means to American cinema now. The festival is overrun by celebrities and the crowds do seem more interested in spotting them than seeing good films. Is this a travesty? Maybe.

But what I saw at Sundance exemplified the complicated workings of the moviemaking process, a process in which art is constantly coming up against business and celebrity is the strange beast which keeps the wheels turning.

The Festival, founded by Robert Redford, grew out of an experience the actor-director had with his 1969 film, “Downhill Racer.” Redford, who starred in the film as an Olympic skier who clashes with his team, had the unfortunate experience of seeing a film he understood to be a serious work of art marketed by the studio as an action flick.

Redford, who had also started buying land in Utah around the same time, established a 7,000-acre area which became the Sundance Ski Resort. He then assembled a group of actors and filmmakers at his rustic wilderness retreat, with the intention of reclaiming American cinema.

Check out Nightlife this week ▼❙▼❙▼❙▼❙▼❙▼❙▼❙▼❙▼❙▼❙▼▼❙▼

M E T R O

“The Machinist”

The Festival has morphed and changed over the years, and the stars who attend seem to grow in cache and number each year. This year’s Festival showcased hundreds of films – shorts, documentaries, films with distributors already attached and those without. For the average filmgoer, even for the dedicated cinéaste, choosing what to see and what to skip is difficult. When I was in Park City, I saw four films – “The Machinist,” “The Clearing,” “Touch of Pink” and “Never Die Alone.” Not all were wonderful but two without established American distribution, “Touch of Pink” and “The Clearing,” were ironically the best of the bunch.

In the end, I found the Festival exhilarating and disappointing. There’s no doubt Redford found a picturesque spot in which to delight in the power of cinema and, more appropriately, the power of nature. And it’s hard not to be beguiled by all that natural beauty – the people and the place. But it’s important to remember that the definition of independent cinema, like the definition of the Festival itself, is a dubious and everchanging one. At the premiere of “The Clearing,” which stars Robert Redford (and marks the founder’s acting debut at the Festival), the crowd clapped when the director Peter Jan Brugge went up to the podium, but the audience erupted when Redford was beckoned on stage. Sure they were lauding the Festival’s founder but, more than that, they were proving that the cinema, for better or worse, is as much about the stars as it is about the stories. And as Sundance continues into the next week other fetival-goers and dealmakers will be able to watch and, who knows, maybe they’ll be able to see past the celebrities (on the streets and the screens) to hopefully find what Redford himself set out to discover 26 years ago – great films.

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Cinema: Close-Up

MOVIE CLOCK

M E T R O

REGAL AUGUSTA EXCHANGE 20 Movies Good 1/23 - 1/29 Cheaper by the Dozen (PG) 12:20, 3:00 5:25, 7:50, 10:20 The Butterfly Effect (R) 12:05, 1:45, 2:40, 4:40, 5:15, 7:20, 7:55, 10:00, 10:35, 12:35 Mystic River (R) 1:00, 4:05, 7:10, 10:15 Along Came Polly (PG-13) Fri-Sat: 12:10, 1:10, 2:35, 3:20, 4:50, 5:35, 7:05, 8:00, 9:20, 10:45, 11:35; Sun-Thur: 12:10, 1:10, 2:35, 3:20, 4:50, 5:35, 7:05, 8:00, 9:20, 10:45 House of Sand and Fog (R) 12:40, 3:30, 7:25, 10:15 Teacher’s Pet (PG) 1:00, 3:00, 5:00, 7:00 Torque (PG-13) Fri-Sat: 1:05, 3:25, 5:30, 7:35, 8:05, 9:40, 10:10, 11:45, 12:20; Sun-Thur: 1:05, 3:25, 5:30, 7:35, 8:05, 9:40, 10:10, 12:20 Win a Date With Tad Hamilton (PG-13) 11:55, 2:15, 4:45, 7:05, 9:25, 11:50 Big Fish (PG-13) 1:15, 4:15, 7:15, 10:05 Calendar Girls (PG-13) 11:55, 2:30, 5:10, 7:40, 10:30 Chasing Liberty (PG-13) 12:30 My Baby’s Daddy (PG-13) Fri-Sat: 12:25, 2:40, 4:55, 7:20, 9:30, 11:40; Sun-Thur: 12:25, 2:40, 4:55, 7:20, 9:30 Cold Mountain (R) 12:00, 3:15, 6:45, 10:00 Paycheck (PG-13) 2:00, 5:05, 7:55, 10:40 Peter Pan (PG) 12:15, 2:50, 5:25 Mona Lisa Smile (PG-13) Fri-Sat: 1:20, 4:15, 6:55, 9:35, 12:15; Sun-Thur: 1:20, 4:15, 6:55, 9:35 Lord of the Rings: The Return of the King (PG13) 12:00, 4:00, 8:00 Something’s Gotta Give (PG-13) 1:25, 4:35, 7:30, 10:25 Love Don’t Cost a Thing (PG-13) Fri-Sat: 9:00, 11:30; Sun-Thur: 9:00 The Last Samurai (R) 3:10, 6:45, 9:55 EVANS 14 CINEMAS Movies Good 1/23 - 1/29 Butterfly Effect (R) Fri: 2:20, 4:40, 7:00, 9:25; Sat-Sun: 2:20, 4:40, 7:00, 9:25; Mon-Thur: 4:40, 7:00, 9:25 Mystic River (R) Fri: 3:45, 6:45, 9:30; Sat-Sun: 12:55, 3:45, 6:45, 9:30; Mon-Thur: 3:55, 6:45, 9:30 Win a Date With Tad Hamilton (PG-13) Fri: 2:50, 4:50, 7:20, 9:50; Sat-Sun: 12:45, 2:50, 4:50, 7:20, 9:50; Mon-Thur: 4:50, 7:20, 9:50 Teacher’s Pet (PG) Fri: 3:10, 5:10; Sat-Sun: 1:10, 3:10, 5:10; Mon-Thur: 5:10 Torque (PG-13) Fri: 2:00, 4:10, 7:15, 10:00; SatSun: 2:00, 4:10, 7:15, 10:00; Mon-Thur: 4:10, 7:15, 10:00 Along Came Polly (PG-13) Fri: 3:20, 5:30, 7:40, 9:50; Sat-Sun: 1:05, 3:20, 5:30, 7:40, 9:50; MonThur: 5:30, 7:40, 9:50 House of Sand and Fog (R) Fri: 4:00, 6:50, 9:20;

Sat-Sun: 1:30, 4:00, 6:50, 9:20; Mon-Thur: 4:00, 6:50, 9:20 Big Fish (PG-13) Fri: 3:55, 7:05, 9:45; Sat-Sun: 1:00, 3:55, 7:05, 9:45; Mon-Thur: 3:55, 7:05, 9:45 Chasing Liberty (PG-13) Fri-Sun: 2:10, 5:00, 7:25, 9:55; Mon-Thur: 5:00, 7:25, 9:55 My Baby’s Daddy (PG-13) Fri: 3:35, 5:35, 7:35, 9:35; Sat-Sun: 1:35, 3:35, 5:35, 7:35, 9:35; TuesThur: 5:35, 7:35, 9:35 Cheaper by the Dozen (PG) Fri: 3:00, 5:20, 7:30, 9:40; Sat-Sun: 12:50, 3:00, 5:20, 7:30, 9:40; Mon-Thur: 5:20, 7:30, 9:40 Cold Mountain (R) Fri-Sun: 1:50, 5:40, 9:00; Mon-Thur: 5:40, 9:00 Lord of the Rings: The Return of the King (PG13) Fri: 4:30, 8:30; Sat-Sun: 12:45, 4:30, 8:30; Mon-Thur: 4:30, 8:30 Something’s Gotta Give (PG-13) Fri: 4:20, 6:55, 9:40; Sat-Sun: 1:20, 4:20, 6:55, 9:40; Mon-Thur: 4:20, 6:55, 9:40 The Last Samurai (R) 8:00 MASTERS 7 CINEMAS Movies Good 1/23 - 1/29 Missing (R) Fri: 4:00, 6:55, 9:30; Sat-Sun: 1:00, 4:00, 6:55, 9:30; Mon-Thur: 4:00, 6:55, 9:30 Elf (PG) Fri: 5:10, 7:15, 9:40; Sat-Sun: 12:55, 3:05, 5:10, 7:15, 9:40; Mon-Thur: 5:10, 7:15, 9:40 Radio (PG) Fri: 4:45, 7:05, 9:25; Sat-Sun: 1:30, 4:45, 7:05, 9:25; Mon-Thur: 4:45, 7:05, 9:25 Scary Movie 3 (PG-13) Fri: 5:15, 7:25, 9:50; SatSun: 1:15, 3:15, 5:15, 7:25, 9:50; Mon-Thur: 5:15, 7:25, 9:50 Brother Bear (G) Fri: 5:00, 7:00; Sat-Sun: 1:00, 3:00, 5:00, 7:00; Mon-Thur: 5:00, 7:00 Texas Chainsaw Massacre (R) Fri: 4:30, 7:30, 9:45; Sat-Sun: 2:00, 4:30, 7:30, 9:45; Mon-Thur: 4:30, 7:30, 9:45 Timeline (PG-13) Fri: 4:15, 7:10, 9:35; Sat-Sun: 1:45, 4:15, 7:10, 9:35; Mon-Thur: 4:15, 7:10, 9:35 Matrix: Revolutions (R) 9:00 REGAL 12 CINEMAS Movies Good 1/23 - 1/29 The Missing (R) 1:55, 4:45, 7:50 Honey (PG-13) 2:25, 4:45, 7:20, 9:50 Cat in the Hat (PG) 2:10, 4:25, 7:00, 9:25 Timeline (PG-13) 2:15, 4:40, 7:25, 9:40 Texas Chainsaw Massacre (R) 2:00, 5:00, 7:35, 9:55 Matrix: Revolutions (R) 2:20, 5:10, 7:50 Elf (PG) 2:30, 4:50, 7:40, 9:55 Scary Movie 3 (PG-13) 2:45, 4:55, 7:45, 9:45 Looney Tunes (PG) 2:40, 5:05, 7:15, 9:20 Radio (PG) 2:05, 4:30, 7:00, 9:30 Brother Bear (G) 2:35, 4:35, 7:10, 9:15 The Fighting Temptations (PG-13) 1:55, 4:30, 7:05, 9:45

Movie listings are subject to change without notice.

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Ashton Kutcher Badly in Need of Shave

By Joey Berlin

T

he fun-loving rising star Ashton Kutcher turned his role on the hit sitcom “That ‘70s Show” into a celebrity launch pad rivaling Brad Pitt’s star-making turn in “Thelma & Louise.”

The Iowa-born star of “The Butterfly Effect,” who turns 26 on Feb. 7, emerged as the breakout male star of 2003.

On television, besides his weekly sitcom duties, Kutcher was host and producer of MTV’s highly rated celebrity prank show “Punk’d.” And on the big screen in 2003, he appeared in three comedies: “My Boss’ Daughter,” “Just Married” and “Cheaper by the Dozen.”

Of course, his ongoing relationship with 41year-old actress Demi Moore keeps Kutcher in the tabloids. Now he is taking a bold step in a different direction. Kutcher is tackling his first leading dramatic role with “The Butterfly Effect.” His forte is goofball comedy, but in the new paranormal thriller, Kutcher plays a young man who travels back in time to relive the painful moments in his childhood, which he has blocked out. He tries to fix his life by altering history, but the ripple effects of his changes have huge, unexpected consequences.

Q: How did you choose to portray your character’s fragile mental state in “The Butterfly Effect?”

A: I looked at the character from the get-go when I read the script and I thought, “OK, in real life what would this guy’s illness be?

What would his mental disorder be?” I likened it to post-traumatic stress disorder. He blocks out all the traumatic moments in his life. I thought to myself, “Wow! What a fantastic metaphor for how people are in everyday life.” We block out the traumatic stuff that goes on in the world. We decide not to think about the fact that somewhere, a baby got blown up, or that in some country halfway across the world there are 5-year-old girls being prostituted out in a brothel.

Q: Do you think it could ever be possible to change the past?

A: Absolutely. Every time you have a relationship that’s not working or you’ve done someone wrong, can you fix that? Yeah! You can call that person up or get with that person and say, “I made a mistake. I screwed up.

Let’s mend our relationship.” There’s a lot of things that I’ve done that I would’ve done differently, so I’m actively trying to do them differently now.

For example, there are relationships that I’ve had, whether it be with family or friends, when I have maybe mistreated someone, or haven’t been available for someone. It’s apologizing for what you’ve done wrong and fixing it, and changing yourself so that you can change who you are. We do have that ability and we don’t have to go through time travel to do that.

Q: Did this dramatic role take more effort than your usual comedies?

A: A character is a character. This character was pretty disturbed, so what was really

tough was that, in order for me to be confident when the cameras started rolling, a lot of times in between scenes I had to stay really focused on what it was we were doing. I couldn’t be screwing around. Now I think I could have a little bit more fun while playing a role like this, because I know how to get there emotionally. For me, it’s tough to do comedy because you’re always trying to come up with new jokes and new things, and it’s pretty quick.

But this movie had its own challenge. The character was tricky. I think that if I had to play this character in a comedy, it would be just as tough.

Q: While you were making the film, what did you do for fun during downtime?

A: We rode bikes in the park. That was fun.

At night we went home and studied the script and tried to figure out which reality we were going to be in tomorrow.

Q: How many friends did you lose by pranking them on “Punk’d?”

A: I don’t think that I lost too many friends.

You know, what’s really nice is that I don’t have to worry about people trying to get me back, now that the show is over. So I don’t have to be so camera savvy, thinking about where the hidden ones are in every room that I go into.

Q: What has living in the media spotlight taught you?

A: You know what it does is, it really makes you aware of every little thing that you do. I would like to think of myself as a good person and I don’t really do bad things. But now if I do, I know about it. I think the lesson that I have learned is that every single action you make counts, which I think is the lesson of “The Butterfly Effect.” Every action that you make in your life, somebody’s watching.

Somebody’s making a judgment; somebody’s saying something.

Music Downtown Trio Keeps Business Owners Busy

35 M E T R O S P I R I T J A N

By Lisa Jordan

2 2 2 0 0 4

I

t’s not easy running three businesses – let alone three wildly successful ones. But that’s just what Barry Blackston and Matt Flynn have been doing since they opened Stillwater Tap Room last year. Before that, they juggled two downtown restaurants, Nacho Mama’s and Blue Sky Kitchen.

“There wasn’t very much down here when we came in,” says Blackston of their first foray into the restaurant business, Nacho Mama’s, which turns eight this week. “We’ve definitely seen it grow.”

As some of the first people to open up a Broad Street business since downtown’s revival several years ago, Blackston and Flynn were taking a gamble. Add to that lessons in owning a business and, though they were thrown in at the deep end, Blackston and Flynn quickly learned to swim.

“It’s been a total learning experience,” says Blackston. “We had zero business experience, and our restaurant experience was basically from waiting tables. I was kind of forced to become a businessperson.”

After cutting their teeth on Nacho Mama’s and Blue Sky, Blackston and Flynn decided to try a business venture of a different kind, a bar showcasing traditional regional music, specifically bluegrass.

“I devoted last year to Blue Sky, and then this year was devoted – the first half of the year – was devoted to getting Stillwater built,” Blackston says. “People have been surprisingly supportive of the music. We didn’t know what to expect when we first opened it.”

In addition to becoming a favorite nightspot among local audiences, Stillwater has also become a favorite among some of the nation’s top bluegrass musicians, who keep coming back for return gigs.

“We’ve managed to garner a really good reputation on the circuit for bluegrass musicians,” says Blackston. “We do everything we can to make them feel at home. We get them hotels. We feed them at the restaurants. They seem to all

want to come back. … They’re really, on a national scale, some of the best people out there.”

The challenges of running a bar offer a nice diversion from the challenges of running a restaurant, Blackston says.

“Yeah, the restaurants are similar in that the problems that arise are generally one in the same,” he says. “‘Cause you’re dealing with the same sort of business premise. Stillwater is much easier.

There’s fewer employees, fewer things that can go wrong. … It’s an adult crowd, and you get to enjoy the musicianship of the bands that we bring in, which is a nice perk.”

And though Stillwater, like a new baby, demanded much of Blackston and Flynn’s attention at first, the duo are back working on some upgrades to Nacho Mama’s and Blue Sky. “It was difficult in the fact that you have to neglect – every time you start a business, other businesses get neglected.

You have to pull your attention away from one. It’s like raising a kid,” says Blackston. “At Nacho Mama’s, we’re about to redo the menu and kind of revamping the place. … In the next two months, we plan on making major overhauls, both culinary and physical.”

Photos by Joe White

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G Unit – “Beg for Mercy” (Interscope)

You’ve gotta love guys who thank “all my jewelers” in their album liner notes, admit in interviews they’ve got a thing for ‘hood girls and hijack the jingle from an ‘80s toy commercial for the chorus of one of their songs. But when the boys of G Unit sing, “My buddy, my buddy, wherever I go, he goes,” they ain’t talking about a doll for boys.

The subject matter in all of the songs on “Beg for Mercy” fall into one of three categories: guns, girls and greenbacks. None of this is particularly surprising, given the image G Unit member 50 Cent has cultivated for himself over the past year, but it does get tiresome over an 18-track collection. Album opener “G Unit,” with a bridge sung by what appears to be a group of floozies, sounds like it could one day be the cornerstone to “G Unit: The Musical.” And songs like “Groupie Love” and “Baby U Got” suffer from uninspired lyrics.

Notable tracks include “Salute U,” “Beg for Mercy” and “Poppin’ Them Thangs.” By far, the best song on the album is “G’d Up” with a dark melody and full sound. However, this can probably be attributed to the fact that Dr. Dre produced the song.

“Beg for Mercy” isn’t without its high points, but 50 Cent’s own “Get Rich or Die Tryin’” offers much more in the way of ear-catching tunes.

No Doubt – “The Singles: 1992-2003” (Interscope)

No Doubt’s singles collection is exactly what you would expect: All the radio hits, plus a dash of new tracks.

This 15-song collection covers the “Tragic Kingdom” years, transitional album “Return of Saturn” and the hiphop- and reggae-influenced “Rock Steady.”

The album dives right into the band’s vault with “Just a Girl,” the song that catapulted No Doubt to overnight success in the mid-1990s. Nearly a decade later, the song retains its fresh sound.

Songs like “Hey Baby,” “Spiderwebs”

and “Hella Good” make you want to turn your car’s steering wheel into your own personal drum kit, while “Simple Kind of Life” and “Don’t Speak” contribute to some of the album’s quieter moments.

There are two unfamiliar tracks on the CD: “It’s My Life” and “Trapped in a Box.” “Trapped in a Box” isn’t one of the band’s better works. The song was included as a nod to No Doubt’s self-titled major-label debut and is best suited for comparative purposes – it will make you thankful Gwen Stefani doesn’t screech like that these days. “It’s My Life” is a cover of the ‘80s song by group Talk Talk with a cool, bass-heavy twist.

The extensive liner notes, detailing the story and circumstances behind each song, are worth reading if you’re looking for insight on songs that have become a big part of the pop repertoire.

Front Line Assembly – “Civilization” (Metropolis)

Album opener “Psychosomatic” immediately grabs your attention with deep industrial beats, and they just keep coming. Track 2, “Maniacal,” starts off slowly but quickly builds into a tune that’s both danceable and dark.

Rhys Fulber and Bill Leeb have put together a consistent album that delivers strong electronic beats that resonate throughout. There is not a whole lot of variation among the nine tracks that make up “Civilization.” Once you hear the opening notes of the first track, you know just what to expect.

Notable tracks include “Strategic,” “Transmitter” and “Vanished.”

37

In The Spirit

M E T R O S P I R I T J A N 2 2 2 0 0 4

Hristos Tzolis, Crystal Barber and Justin Kight at Last Call.

Daniel McClanattan and Adrienne Shealy at Stool Pigeons.

Alison McPeake, Rhonda Johnson, Sandi Huntington, Vivian Rice and Ashley Amesbury at the Blind Pig.

Joe Killough and Elise Mobley at Last Call.

Julie Scoggins at Modjeska.

Donna Fields, Ingrid Tutt, Michael Rice and Kristy Curry at the Blind Pig.

Emily Clark, Courtney Bennett, Annie Huff and Jessica Mona at Last Call.

Laura Faircloth and Christine Morbey at Stool Pigeons.

Photos by Michael E. Johnson

M E T R O S P I R I T J A N 2 2 2 0 0 4

MUSIC MINIS

BY TURNER

O

Another Rapper Goes Down Rapper Mystikal, who has been nominated for a Grammy Award has been given a six-year sentence for sexual battery against his hair styist. According to the accusation, and the video tape he and his two bodyguards who were also involved made, they forced her to perform oral sex on them.

The guards got three and four years, respectively. They all should have gotten a few more years tacked on for stupidity.

Music Journalists Everywhere Cry From Boredom There appears to be a shortage of shenanigans in the music world this week, and that makes us very, very sad. Now that the usual suspects are recovering from injuries or are on trial, all seems a tad quiet in Musicville. Some of us are even considering going into accounting, just for a little excitement. Of course, we could make something up: “Keith

MUSIC

Keith Richards has yet to admit to being an Egyptian mummy.

Richards Admits Real Identity as Egyptian Mummy,” “Britney Goes Away” or “Barry Manilow Turns Porn Star,” but our publisher won’t let us.

COMPILED BY RHONDA JONES Information compiled from online and other music news sources.

ne might think that after spending several months on the road with KISS that AEROSMITH would be ready for a long break. The two bands did great business last year in an extremely soft year for touring musicians so you would think that the Boston rockers would welcome some time off.

Not so. Aerosmith is hitting the road yet again this March with CHEAP TRICK in tow for a forty-city jaunt around the States.

STEVEN (he’ll always be just LIV’s father to me) TYLER, JOE PERRY, and the rest of the band have just put the final touches on their next album “Honkin’ On Bobo,” an allblues set that will feature new takes on blues standards from the likes of WILLIE DIXON, SONNY BOY WILLIAMSON, and ROBERT JOHNSON. The tour visits Columbia on April 7 and Atlanta two nights later on the ninth. You can also catch the “Dream On” rockers during pre-game (yawn) festivities at this year’s Super Bowl on Feb. 1.

Frozen Tundra of Change Dept.

Yes, Aerosmith is performing before the Super Bowl but the half-time show (double yawn) will be dominated by rappers. NELLY, KID ROCK, and P.DIDDY will take the field for the historically hokey “the game is not important enough so let’s give them some fluff” segment. As usual, the commercials will probably be much more entertaining.

Maybe these hip-hop stars will do a sentimental tribute to their currently incarcerated and/or deceased rap colleagues like R. KELLY, MYSTICAL, C. MURDER, and TUPAC. I’m sure that ex-Bears player-coach MIKE DITKA just can’t wait.

BELLE AND SEBASTIAN’s sixth album “Dear Catastrophe Waitress” was issued last Fall to good reviews. The band hopes to continue its’ good momentum this week with a new DVD “For Fans.” The set contains versions of their most popular numbers as well as the ultra-cool “Step Into My Office, Baby” from the new album. Belle and Sebastian are currently in Japan and will be visiting Europe for a long tour in March before heading back to the U.S. JOSH GROBAN’s “Closer” was a surprise this week to many as it claimed the top spot in the album charts. It has sold over two million copies since it was issued a few months ago. Groban will visit Atlanta’s Fox Theatre April 20, a date that initially seems more suited to bands like WIDESPREAD PANIC or THE DEAD. I’ll see you out back.

The Too Quiet Beatle Dept.

Many of the late GEORGE HARRISON’s back catalog of albums have been out-ofprint for years but that’s all about to change.

Due next month are newly remastered ver-

BY

BOB DYLAN sions of “Cloud Nine,” “Somewhere in England,” Thirty-Three and a Third,” “Gone Troppo,” and “George Harrison.” His terrific “Live In Japan” two-disc set that was recorded with ERIC CLAPTON and his band on the two musicians only tour together will be issued on CD and DVD. Unfortunately, both TRAVELING WILBURYS albums remain unavailable and have been for years.

New releases are just now beginning to reach the stores in the aftermath of the holiday selling season. Albums due this week include THE CHURCH “Forget Yourself,” ANI DIFRANCO “Educated Guess,” FIREWATER “Songs We Should Have Written,” JOE JACKSON “Live,” THE MEKONS “Punk Rock,” and SIGMATROPIC “Sixteen Haiku & Other Stories.”

Turner’s Quick Notes BOB DYLAN’s October 1964 all-acoustic performance in NYC will be issued in March. It was recorded during the “Another Side of Bob Dylan” tour and features a guest spot from JOAN BAEZ … RADIOHEAD is in the studio yet again working on another disc … FRANK ZAPPA’s “Does Humor Belong In Music” DVD is out this week.

Tell ‘em Suzy Creamcheese sent ya … A superb BRUCE HORNSBY collection “Greatest Radio Hits” is out now.

Turner’s Rock ‘N’ Roll Jeopardy A. This classic Erroll Garner tune has been a hit for Johnny Mathis, Lloyd Price, and Ray (?) Stevens.

Q. What is “Misty” (Ask your fave DJ to play it for you)

38

ED TURNER

Night Life

39 M E T R O S P I R I T J A N 2 2 2 0 0 4

See Dromedary Jan. 23 at Stillwater Tap Room.

Thursday, 22nd Andy’s - The Damnedoledave Blues Band The Bee’s Knees - Meditate on This!

Blind Pig - Pat Blanchard with The Broad Street Jam Cafe Du Teau - Bernard Chambers Club Argos - Karaoke Dance Par ty with DJ BJ Coliseum - Ms. Augusta II Pageant Continuum - Playa*Listic Thursday Coyote’s - The Rhes Reeves Band D. Timm’s - The Section Finish Line Cafe - DJ Fox’s Lair - Mike Greene Greene Streets - Karaoke The Helm - Karaoke Joe’s Underground - Chris Bennet Last Call - Jell-O Wrestling, DJ Richie Rich Locals - Preston and Weston Michael’s - Marilyn Adcock Modjeska - The Comedy Zone Playground - Open Mic

The Pourhouse - National Par ty Tyme Karaoke Competition Robbie’s Sports Bar - DJ Rusty Shannon’s - Karaoke with Peggy Stillwater Tap Room - Malcolm Holcombe Surrey Tavern - Blues Torpedos Wheeler Tavern - DJ Dog

Friday, 23rd Andy’s -Lola Back Roads - DJ The Bee’s Knees - Projections and Selections Blind Pig - Shameless Dave and the Miracle Whips, Playback with Tutu D’Vyne Cafe Du Teau - Bernard Chambers Charlie O’s - Live Band Club Argos - Argos Angels Sasha, Diane Chanel, Jackie Chanel Coconuts - Bikini Contest Cotton Patch - Forest and Jef f Coyote’s - The Rhes Reeves Band

Kevn Kinney plays at the Soul Bar Jan. 24 with the Livingroom Legends and Chris Cauley.

Crossroads - Local Ghost D. Timm’s - The Section El Rodeo - DJ Sontiago Finish Line Cafe - DJ Fox’s Lair - Roger Envoldsen Greene Streets - Karaoke Jeremy’s Nightclub - Spoken Word, Open Mic, Dance Par ty with DJ Dick Joe’s Underground - Blues Torpedos Last Call - DJ Richie Rich Marlboro Station - El ton, Dance Par t y with DJ Mark Michael’s - Marilyn Adcock Modjeska - DJ Ted For tenberry Ms. Carolyn’s - The Horizon Partridge Inn - Kari Gaf fney, Jef f Williams Playground - Barroom Olympics The Pourhouse - The Recaps with R. Scot t Bryan Red Carpet Events - Faye Woodroof Robbie’s Sports Bar - DJ Rusty The Shack - DJ Chip Shannon’s - Bar t Bell, Allen Black

Soul Bar - (r)evolution with DJ Solo Stillwater Tap Room - Dromedary Surrey Tavern - Soul Dimensions Wheeler Tavern - DJ Dog

Saturday, 24th Andy’s - Randy Brooks, Doris Allen, R&R Back Roads - DJ The Bee’s Knees - Sweet Nuthin’ Blind Pig - Shameless Dave and the Miracle Whips Cafe Du Teau - Bernard Chambers Charlie O’s - Live Band Club Argos - Argos Angels Claire Storm, Leslie Larue, Charles Larue Coconuts - DJ Tim Continuum - Knowface, Lovefist Cotton Patch - John Kolbeck Coyote’s - The Rhes Reeves Band Crossroads - Sidegrinder D. Timm’s - The Section El Rodeo - Karaoke with Tracy

continued on page 40

40 continued from page 39

Sunday, 25th Adams Lounge - DJ Cafe Du Teau - The Last Bohemian Quar tet Marlboro Station - Claire Storm, Dance Par ty with DJ Jon Jon Orange Moon - Smooth Jazz Sunday with Emery Bennet t Robbie’s Sports Bar - DJ Rusty The Shack - Karaoke with DJ Joe Steel, Sasha Shannon’s - Shelly Watkins Somewhere in Augusta - Jayson and Michael T.G.I. Friday’s - John, Pat and Jamie Wheeler Tavern - Karaoke with DJ Dog

Tuesday, 27th Adams Lounge - Keith “Fossill” Gregory The Bee’s Knees - 12*Tone Lounge Blind Pig - Sabo and the Scorchers Coliseum - Tournament Tuesday D. Timm’s - The Section Fox’s Lair - Movie Night French Market Grille West - Wayne Capps Greene Streets - Karaoke Joe’s Underground - Keith “Fossill” Gregory Metro Coffeehouse - Irish Night with Sibin Michael’s - Marilyn Adcock Surrey Tavern - Tuesday Night Jam Session with Pat Blanchard and Friends

Wednesday, 28th The Bee’s Knees - The Listening Room presents Tara Scheyer Blind Pig - The Backus Brothers featuring Candice Hurst Club Argos - Dance Par ty with DJ BJ Coconuts - Karaoke Continuum - Open Mic Jam Sessions Coyote’s - The Rhes Reeves Band Crossroads - Doug James D. Timm’s - The Section Fox’s Lair - Cowboy Night with Greg Austin Greene Streets - Karaoke

$1.50 Drafts

Rev. Jeff Mosier - Stillwater Tap Room - Jan. 30 Charlie Brown - Coliseum - Jan. 30 Roots-A-Fire Reggae Band - Soul Bar - Jan. 31 Lokal Loudness Choice Awards - Crossroads Jan. 31 Mercy Me, Amy Grant, Bebo Norman - Bell Auditorium - Feb. 7 Hope for Agoldensummer - Soul Bar - Feb. 7 Down to the Shake, L.E.A. - Crossroads - Feb. 7 Honestly - Crossroads - Feb. 18 Ghoultown - Hangnail Gallery - Feb. 19 Sean Costello - Blind Pig - Feb. 20 Willie Nelson - Augusta-Richmond County Civic Center - Feb. 28 The Woggles - Soul Bar - Feb. 28 Anthony Gomes - Blind Pig - March 6

Elsewhere Gomez - Variety Playhouse, Atlanta - Jan. 24 Bette Midler - Philips Arena, Atlanta - Jan. 25 Henry Rollins Spoken Word - Variety Playhouse, Atlanta - Jan. 25 Ronnie Milsap - Macon City Auditorium, Macon, Ga. - Jan. 30 Pink Floyd Laser Spectacular - Fox Theatre,

New Happy Hour Times!

NEW HAPPY HOUR This Week’s Weekly Special:

$3.75 FEATURING LIVE MUSIC

BY JOHN, PAT

NEW HAPPY HOUR

MONDAY-FRIDAY 9PM-11PM $1 OFF ENTIRE BAR

“The Original Home of F&B Night!”

11PM-2AM

$1.50 DOMESTIC PINTS $2 SELECTED APPETIZERS

$1.50 Budlight Bottles

Fried Mozzarella, Potato Skins, Potstickers, Onion Rings, Quesadillas

$2.50 Cuervo

2800 Washington Rd.

736-8888

$2.50 Jager $2.50 Jagerbombs $1 Off Entire Bar Weekly Specials

“The Original”

11PM-2AM Home of Food & Beverage Night!

$2 Appetizers

Don’t Forget About Food & Beverage Night Every Sunday! & JAMIE

Food & Beverage Sunday!

$1.50 Drafts

Ciroc

Many tickets are available through TicketMaster outlets, by calling 828-7700, or online at w w w.ticketmaster.com. Tickets may also be available through Tix Online by calling 278-4TIX, online at w w w.tixonline.com or at their outlet location in Southgate Plaza. Night Life listings are subject to change without notice. Deadline for inclusion in Night Life calendar is Tuesday at 4 p.m. Contact Rhonda Jones or Lisa Jordan by calling 738-1142, fa xing 736-0443 or e-mailing to rhonda.jones@metrospirit.com or lisa.jordan@metrospirit.com.

$2 Appetizers

$2 Appetizers

Food & Beverage Sunday!

Upcoming

Atlanta - Jan. 30 Taj Mahal - Variety Playhouse, Atlanta - Jan. 30 Left Front Tire - Cot ton Club, Atlanta - Jan. 30 moe. - Fox Theatre, Atlanta - Jan. 31 Puddle of Mudd - Roxy Theatre, Atlanta - Feb. 2 Vonda Shepard - Variety Playhouse, Atlanta Feb. 6 Kid Rock - The Arena at Gwinnet t Center, Duluth, Ga. - Feb. 7 Mushroomhead - Masquerade, Atlanta - Feb. 9 Rod Stewart - Philips Arena, Atlanta - Feb. 10 Dillinger Escape Plan - Masquerade, Atlanta Feb. 11 Yonder Mountain String Band - Variety Playhouse, Atlanta - Feb. 12 Robert Earl Keen - Variety Playhouse, Atlanta Feb. 14 MXPX, Simple Plan, Billy Talent - Tabernacle, Atlanta - Feb. 14 O.A.R. - Tabernacle, Atlanta - Feb. 20 Hank Williams III - Masquerade, Atlanta - Feb. 26 Lou Rawls - Anderson Theatre, Mariet ta, Ga. Feb. 27 A.F.I. - Tabernacle, Atlanta - Feb. 28 Willie Nelson - Macon City Auditorium, Macon, Ga. - Feb. 29

$1.50 Drafts

$2 Appetizers

New Happy Hour Times!

$1.50 Drafts

2 0 0 4

Food & Beverage Sunday!

2 2

Coliseum - Q.A.F. Continuum - Monday Madness Fox’s Lair - Open Mic Greene Streets - Karaoke Joe’s Underground - Keith “Fossill” Gregory Michael’s - Mike Swif t

New Happy Hour Times!

J A N

Monday, 26th

The Helm - Karaoke Joe’s Underground - Thom Feldman Last Call - Karaoke with Tony Howard Michael’s - Marilyn Adcock Playground - Karaoke The Pourhouse - Karaoke with The Pourhouse Friends Robbie’s Sports Bar - DJ Rusty Shannon’s - Bar t Bell, Allen Black Somewhere in Augusta - Brandon Bower Soul Bar - Live Jazz Surrey Tavern - Pat Blanchard

Food & Beverage Sunday!

S P I R I T

Finish Line Cafe - DJ, Karaoke Fox’s Lair - Cabaret Greene Streets - Karaoke Jeremy’s Nightclub - Open Mic Joe’s Underground - Keith “Fossill” Gregory Last Call - PJs and DJs Par ty Locals - Blind Draw Marlboro Station - Miss Peg, Dance Par ty with DJ Mark Metro Coffeehouse - Live Af ternoon Bluegrass with Eryn Eubanks and the Family Fold Michael’s - Marilyn Adcock Modjeska - Ladies’ Lounge with DJ Kenny Ray Partridge Inn - Sandy B. and the All-Stars Playground - Barroom Olympics The Pourhouse - The Recaps with R. Scot t Bryan Red Carpet Events - Faye Woodroof Robbie’s Sports Bar - DJ Rusty The Shack - DJ Buckwheat Shannon’s - Karaoke with Peggy Soul Bar - Kevn Kinney Band, Livingroom Legends, Chris Cauley Stillwater Tap Room - Walnut Grove Surrey Tavern - Soul Dimensions Wheeler Tavern - DJ Dog

New Happy Hour Times!

M E T R O

ENTER & WIN

a Super Bowl Party for 20!

The Boll Weevil ★ Cafe & Sweetery ★

and

2 WINNERS WILL RECEIVE: PARTY PACKAGE (serves 20)

2 HOMEMADE DESSERTS

• Chicken Strips

SLICE OF COFFEE (serves 14) - Rich chocolate

• Macaroni & Cheese

brownie torted with 3 different coffee mousses -

• Cole Slaw

covered with chocolate ganache and coffee icing

• Yeast Rolls

LEMON ZEST (serves 14) - Lemon cake with

• World Famous Iced Tea

lemon mousse layer & tangy sweet lemon zest

• Plates, Forks, Cups & Napkins

icing topped with lemon glaze & white chocolate

Courtesy of

Courtesy of

The Boll Weevil ★ Cafe & Sweetery ★

KOOZIES

HURRY, WINNERS WILL BE DRAWN 1/26/04 Name________________________________________________ Address_____________________________________________ Daytime Phone Number_____________________________ E-mail (optional)____________________________________

M E T R O S P I R I T J A N 2 2

Brought to you by:

20

41

Mail, fax, or email your entry to: P.O. Box 3809, Augusta, GA 30914 Fax (706) 733-6663 spirit@metrospirit.com

2 0 0 4

42 M E T R O S P I R I T J A N 2 2 2 0 0 4

News of the Weird J

Thurs Blues Torpedoes

Fri & Sat Soul Dimension

oy to the world! Jonathan Cantu, 39, and Charles J. Kern, 50, each feeling slighted at the other’s Christmas gift, smacked each other over the head with flowerpots and were hospitalized (San Rafael, Calif.). And Brandi Nicole Nason, 20, also dissatisfied with a gift, allegedly tossed a Molotov cocktail into her ex-mother-in-law’s house, causing $200,000 in damage (Hermosa Beach, Calif.). And a woman was arrested for beating a man with a Christmas tree after he complained that the gifts he was carrying were heavier than the tree that she was carrying (Victoria, British Columbia). And after Donna Simmons-Groover won her apartment complex’s Christmas-lights competition, a losing neighbor ripped out part of her display in a rage (Jensen Beach, Fla.).

Tues Jam Session w/ Pat Blanchard & Friends Wed Pat Blanchard

Surrey Tavern 471 Highland Ave. | 736-1221 Open Mon-Sat at 4 pm until

Gentleman's Club NOW HIRING!

Drink Specials Nightly

Monday-Friday 12pm-2:45am Saturday 6pm-1:45am

580 Broad Street 823-2040

Fashion Notes Noah Donell Brown, 24, running from police after allegedly robbing a Subway sandwich shop, was caught after being slowed by his baggy pants, which caught on a fence post (Hendersonville, N.C., October). And a 14-yearold boy was fatally hit by a train while playing on railroad tracks with friends, when he tripped, got his baggy pants caught on a rail and could not free himself (Dayton, Ohio, November).

Least Competent Criminals Kenneth Martin, 44, and Earle Sharpe III, 30, were arrested for kidnapping in Providence, R.I., in December after abducting a 24-year-old man who supposedly owed Martin money. According to police, after taking the man to an apartment, Martin pointed his gun at him but then realized the magazine clip had fallen out. Martin and Sharpe went outside to retrace their steps in search of the clip after first giving the victim a stern warning not to leave. However, he did leave and called police.

The Entrepreneurial Spirit • The Singapore government decided in December to list its high-tech sewage-water conversion plant as a major tourist attraction; Prime Minister Goh Chok Tong drank a bottle of the purified waste to demonstrate that it is not only safe but tasty. And sanitation officials in Oslo, Norway, said they will soon create an adventure park within the city’s sewer system, including rafting, theater performances, artwork on the walls and an area for weddings and parties.

• As New Yorkers frolicked in the fresh snow from the city’s Dec. 7 blizzard, Gilberto Triplett, 28, set up a street-corner kiosk to sell snowballs for $1 each. According to the New York Daily News, he sold six, then created a fresh inventory, and moved four more before calling it a day.

• Questionable New Products: Triumph International, the Swiss maker of unmentionables, presented a prototype of an anti-smoking brassiere containing perfumes (including lavender and jasmine) that are turned unpleasant by tobacco smoke. And in November, Jones Soda Co. of Seattle bottled 6,000 units of turkey-and-gravy soda, which, remarkably, has the consistency and taste of pureed turkey and gravy; also remarkably, the entire run sold out, with some bottles offered at a huge premium on eBay.

Weird Science • A recent study in the New England Journal of Medicine showed that a woman who conceived three sons with her husband was biologically unrelated to two of them.

Doctors posited that the woman herself was part of a nonidentical-twin pair that fused at an early stage of her mother’s pregnancy and that only her blood cells are hers alone, while cells from her eggs and other tissues may have come from her sister’s fetus.

• Freelance writer Jean Lund (her pen name), 51, disclosed to the Boston Globe for a November story that she suffers from Persistent Sexual Arousal Syndrome (perpetually on the verge of orgasm) and hopes that her revelation will help people understand how uncomfortable the condition is. According to Lund and others, the arousal is much different than sexual desire and, in fact, is not satiated by orgasm. Suspected causes are chemical imbalances, seizures and irregular blood flow. “It’s just a horror,” said a 71year-old sufferer; it “never stops, it never lets up.”

Update “News of the Weird” reported in 1996 that Mr. Virldeen Redmon, then 67, had just been sentenced to 9 1/2 years in prison on three drunk-driving-related counts, the latest of his nearly 400 alcohol-related arrests since 1947.

He was released from prison for health reasons in 2001, but has been arrested several times since then on similar charges (running his total to over 400), and in December 2003 was sentenced on three new counts to 17 years in prison. His driver’s license was revoked in 1977.

The Classic Middle Name (all-new) Arrested for murder: Dennis Wayne Bryant (Richmond, Va., August). Committed suicide while wanted for murder: Rodger Wayne Chastain (San Francisco, August). Awaiting trial for murder (pending a competency evaluation): Elvis Wayne Botley (Palm Springs, Calif., June).

Murder appeal rejected: Barry Wayne Riley (Vancouver, British Columbia, September).

Acquitted of murder (Ouch!): David Wayne McQuater (Athens, Ga., May). Sought by police for a 1995 murder (in Bonita Springs, Fla.) and suspected in a 2003 murder (in Leeds, England): David Bieber (who, when he went on the lam in England, chose as his alias, for some reason, Nathan Wayne Coleman).

Recent Alarming Headlines (1)“Westchester Ordered to Pay $2,500 to Pedophile Clown” (an August New York Times story about clown Richard Hobbs’ winning a lawsuit against a county that had tried to keep him out of a public park). (2) “Champion Liar Accused of Cheating” (a November London Evening Standard report that this year’s winner of the World’s Biggest Liar contest in Cumbria, England, read from a script instead of extemporaneously lying).

Undignified Deaths In November, a 70-year-old businessman had just finished testifying against the Homer, Alaska, city council’s proposed no-smoking ordinance (calling the reported dangers to health “baloney”) when he keeled over, dead of a heart attack. (He had said that eating breakfast with smokers every morning “hasn’t bothered my health any.”) Also in November, in New York City, a 79-year-old man, who was using a blender to make a health drink for his wife, was killed when the appliance exploded, with a glass shard severing an artery.

— Chuck Shepherd © United Press Syndicate

Brezsny's Free Will Astrology

“The Japanese are immoral.” The cannibal chief replied, “The Japanese and Americans are equally immoral. You both kill far more people than you can eat.” Let this story inspire you to take inventory of your own moral code, Virgo. Which parts of it are eternally valid, and which are shaped or distorted by the transitory beliefs of your culture and era?

ARIES (March 21-April 19) For many male athletes, having sex before a big game is taboo. They believe it saps their energy and hurts their chances of winning. The coach of the Chinese Olympic ping-pong team has gone even further, banning his players from falling in love. In my opinion, this approach is crazy and wrong.

According to my analysis of the astrological omens, the best way for you to prime yourself for your upcoming moment of truth is by enjoying as much sweet affection and erotic delight as you dare.

LIBRA (Sept. 23-Oct. 22) Palm reader Beth Davis had a pithy analysis of actor-politician Arnold Schwarzenegger after scrutinizing his hand print at Mann’s Chinese Theater.

“There is this odd kind of teddy bear thing mixed with warrior energy,” she concluded. I see a similar blend in your psyche right now, Libra. You have the power to make people feel loved even as you express your fierce intention to shape the world to your specifications. You’re an unbeatable combination of softie and dynamo.

TAURUS (April 20-May 20) Picture two people you know who seem to believe they are superior to you. Maybe they imagine they’re smarter or funnier or more popular than you, and therefore think they’re justified in treating you carelessly. Maybe these elitists are under the impression that because they have higher social status or more money than you, you don’t deserve their focused attention. Next, Taurus, consider the idea, taught by every decent spiritual leader, that people like this have a pathologically inflated sense of selfimportance. Finally, place two white roses in a special place in your home. Beneath each, lay a piece of paper on which you have written the name of the person with the superiority complex, along with the words “I am free of your judgment” and a drawing of a winged heart.

GEMINI (May 21-June 20) The Chinese Year of the Monkey begins this week.

According to astrologer Shelly Wu (www.chineseastrology.com), it will be “rich in the unexpected,” tweaking everyone’s concept of what’s normal. Ruses, half-truths and tricks will proliferate, turning the whole year into an extended balancing act. Is anyone likely to thrive? Wu suggests it’ll be those with agile intelligence, frisky imagination and an affinity for risk and novelty. Sounds to me like she’s describing the Gemini tribe. Are you ready to be a leader and role model for the rest of us?

ACROSS

LEO (July 23-Aug. 22) Each of us has felt the pressure to be a more perfect lover. Maxim and Cosmopolitan magazines are two of many sources that barrage us with instructions on how to improve our techniques, expand our repertoires and become telepathic masters of the art of dispensing pleasure. In the coming weeks, I believe you Leos will probably be subject to some of this goading. That could be good if it motivates you in a healthy way; not so good if it makes you feel defensive and self-conscious.

To ensure that the mood stays light, I suggest you round up a partner who is willing to collaborate with you in a Bad Sex Festival. During the designated holiday, the two of you will intentionally engage in an orgy of awkward, contrived and slapstick sex.

VIRGO (Aug. 23-Sept. 22) My teacher Anne Davies told a story about a negotiation between a U.S. Army general and a cannibal chief in New Guinea during World War II. The general wanted the chief to rally his tribe to help American troops fight the Japanese. The chief refused, calling the Americans immoral. The general was shocked. “We are not immoral!” he protested.

31 Moola

53 Tammy Wynette

hit “___ I Get It Right” 5 Religious 35 Depend 54 End of the quote community 36 Hall of Fame 56 Hoof it 11 Flap sportscaster 57 Kind of patch 14 Film director Curt 58 Orbital point Reitman 38 Dull-witted one 59 Israeli weapons 15 Once did 39 “But I heard him 60 Long time 16 Impose exclaim, ___ he 61 Outcasts 17 Part of an old …”

62 Parcel sock, maybe 40 Kelly of “Live 18 Start of a quote With Regis and

by John Lennon DOWN Kelly” 20 Work unit 1 Vacation 41 Any port in a purchase 21 Heart of Dixie: storm 2 Rarin’ to go Abbr.

42 Quote, part 3 3 Surveyor’s rod 22 French rococo painter Watteau 45 Raise in relief 4 One may be dead 48 Honored guest’s 23 “Get it?” site 5 Fisherman’s 24 Novelist Jaffe boot, e.g.

49 Ike’s command 26 Bridge support in W.W. II 6 They occupy 27 Quote, part 2 30% of the 50 Son of Polonius earth’s land 30 Site of Greek 52 Alphabet trio excavations 7 Ring figure, familiarly ANSWER TO PREVIOUS PUZZLE 8 It has a germ 9 In a closefisted T U S K L U L U I P S O manner O R I N G A R O N N A I L 10 Fighting T A B O O D I S C H A R G E 11 Greenfly, for one A N Y B O D Y S G U E S S L I L D O D A T A T I M E 12 Rock pioneer ___ Eddy S A S J O I S T R U F U S 13 Musk secreter S O W T O O P A D S 19 Disappeared, N O B O D Y S F O O L with “off” R O A R P A L F D R E A M E S T E D D Y L U G 21 Field P R E L U D E O A S I R A 25 Lubberly S O M E B O D Y S B A B Y 28 Peep G R A S S L A N D E L I A N 29 Was down with N U K E H I T E Y E S N O P E E R I T O R D E A R 32 Convert to Stalinism 1 Dashed

New York Times Crossword Puzzle

CANCER (June 21-July 22) I got an e-mail from a person who said he was the former president of the African nation of Liberia.

He said that if I helped him transfer his secret fund of $30 million from a Nigerian bank to an account in the U.S., he’d give me $9 million of it. I wrote back to him saying thanks for thinking of me, but I wouldn’t take him up on his proposal. Why? I didn’t tell him, but I’ll tell you. Although it’s true that Cancerians like myself are in an astrological phase when we can expect to benefit from other people’s money and resources, maybe even in the form of a windfall, we also have to be careful not to get scammed by con artists and manipulators. The only collaborative offers we should consider are those that come from wellknown sources and trusted allies.

32 Thus

1

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SCORPIO (Oct. 23-Nov. 21) Your word of power for the coming weeks is “incubate.” Like a mother duck or father penguin, you should sit on your metaphorical eggs to keep them warm and prepare them for hatching. Like an artist, you should push your analytical mind to the limit as you seek insight about your next creative move, then relax and wait for your intuition to sprout. Like a skilled lucid dreamer, you should formulate a good question about a dicey problem, and hold it in your mind as you fall asleep, fully expecting your dreams to reveal a brilliant solution.

SAGITTARIUS (Nov. 22-Dec. 21) As I compose this horoscope, I’m sitting in an airport bar during a layover. Something odd is happening with the 16 televisions that stretch from one end of the bar to the other. Until 10 minutes ago, they’d all been showing the same basketball game. Now each is tuned to a different station. On one TV, the Blue Fairy is waving a wand over Pinocchio. On another, cops are carrying a pig out of a fountain. I’m also keeping up with the story of an African princess learning to be a card shark and a game of camel polo in an Iraqi wasteland, but that’s all I can handle. Your life may soon resemble what I’m experiencing now, Sagittarius. I advise you to be like me and don’t let your attention split in more than four directions.

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PISCES (Feb. 19-March 20) Writing on salon.com, Farhad Manjoo and Katharine Mieszkowski predict that e-mail spam will ultimately lead to the downfall of Internet porn. Here’s the scenario they foresee. By taking advantage of the various sexual enhancements offered via spam, millions of men will become well-endowed, hardbodied masters of lovemaking. As their ability to date and satisfy real women soars, they will lose interest in porn’s virtual pleasures. Voila! Web smut will decline precipitously. I prophesy an analogous development for you in the coming weeks, Pisces. You may find you’re able to manipulate one of your enemies into defeating another. Or a compulsive part of your psyche could help solve a problem created by an immature part of your psyche. Or both.

— © Rob Brezsny You can call Rob Brezsny, day or night, for your Expanded Weekly Horoscope

1-900-950-7700

$1.99 per minute • 18 & over • touchtone phone required • C/S 612-373-9785 • www.freewillastrology.com

pure joy Become an anonymous egg donor! Ovations is seeking healthy, educated women between the ages of 18-31, living in or going to college in the Aiken-Augusta area.

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AQUARIUS (Jan. 20-Feb. 18) The astrological omens suggest that you currently have an aptitude for “extreme gardening.” In its literal sense, the term refers to the cultivation of flowers and vegetables in places like desert oases or frigid terrains above the tree-line. Interpreting it metaphorically, I’d guess that you have a knack for creating something out of nothing. You could probably coax cautious people into helping you nurture daring plans, or jumpstart a project that seems to have little more going for it than hope.

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CAPRICORN (Dec. 22-Jan. 19) It would be a good time to go on eBay and try hawking the invisible bath toys of your imaginary friend or the signature of the celebrity you were in your past life. Other activities that would align you well with the cosmic ebb and flow: getting a gig moonlighting as a party planner; writing a witty, brazen appeal for a grant to someone who might actually give it to you; and brainstorming about how to have more fun making money and how to make more money having fun.

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For more information call 733-0130 1-866-517-7513

Puzzle by Ed Early

33 It makes faces 34 Brazzaville

residents

36 Garibaldi, the

40 Of a speaker’s

platform

41 Biblical verb

with “thou”

Liberator of Italy 42 Days of ___

37 W.W. II ration

board agcy.

38 U.S. terr., 1861-

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45 Run away 46 San ___ 47 “Borstal Boy”

autobiographer

43 Employee

51 Spill

44 Department

55 Long time

store department

56 Be busy

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Menu Highlights Flatiron Steak with shallots, red wine and roasted rosemary potatoes $16 Truite en “Bleu” mountain trout sauteed, topped with Gorgonzola blue cheese sauce, nested on braised leeks, spinach and new potatoes $16 Gigot d’Agneau Provencale the most tender part of the leg of lamb, with garden fresh herbs de Provence and garlic, with flageolet beans and natural jus $16

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My boyfriend of four years attended a lifechanging seminar where he befriended a woman who happens to be a lesbian. Upon returning, he told me he'd fallen in love with her. They talk on the phone daily. He insists their connection is totally platonic, and claims being in love isn't limited to one-on-one. I can't seem to accept this. Am I wrong to be hurt by his emotional involvement with another woman — even if she is batting for the other team?

— Second String Who says a guy can't get all his needs met in one place? Just look at the flourishing market for all-in-one tools. A screwdriver isn't just a screwdriver anymore, but part of a combination screwdriver/nose-hair trimmer/cigarette lighter with karaoke global positioning — which means you'll not only know where you are when you set your nose-hair on fire, but you'll be able to sing your coordinates to the operator lady at 911.

Then there are those vast cinderblock cathedrals of one-stop shopping — Wal-cos and Costmarts — popping up on every nationstate-sized street corner. Now, there is something strangely exciting about being able to buy your French pastry — by the deeply discounted 12-dozen pack — at the same mega-shoppalopalis that's rotating your tires.

But, once again, just because you can get it all in one place doesn't mean you should. There's a very good chance you'll be eating croissants that go down like old tires, and driving away on tires that roll like old croissants.

Yeah, yeah, yeah. But, supertools and superstores aside, isn't there one woman who can meet one man's every need? Sure there is — if the man's about as complex as plankton. For any man any more advanced, it takes a variety of people — men, women and perhaps even a hermaphrodite or two. Of course, such men's girlfriends might be a bit more accommodating of such needs as long they aren't presented as if they're the second coming of Romeo and Juliet, with a handy lesbian subtext.

Being accommodating does fly in the face of the traditional approach to relationships: two people coming together to squash themselves into one big couple-zilla — a whole that continuously becomes less and less than the sum of its parts. These people get so caught up in maintaining their democracy of dull — sticking to mutually approved friends and collective activities — that they forget why they got together in the first place: because they found each other individually interesting,

not because they were looking to experience being conjoined. Sure, there's risk in draining the moat around your relationship. But, if you're with somebody because you truly love them (not just because you feel stupid dining alone), you'll want them to do whatever it takes to be happy — even if it turns out they're happiest with someone who is not you.

Love is the element in question here — the element missing in a boyfriend who grooves about self-improvement Sunday the cruel, hostile way. Chances are, you would have been very happy for him (and perhaps personally relieved) if only he'd said something like "I met this great girl I can bore daily with tales of my personal growth!" Instead, he felt compelled to proclaim that he'd "fallen in love," presenting his friendship with her as a form of relationship rationing for you. What matters now is whether a relationship with a guy this nasty still works for you. Maybe it's time for a little personal growth of your own.

Maybe you're finally ready for a relationship where partners are both loving and independent. And maybe, once you get your hands on a new boyfriend who's loving, that's exactly what you'll have.

————————————————— I know we're all busy these days, but I'm having a problem with women who repeatedly cancel dates. I'll accept one or two cancellations, then politely suggest they call me when they're free. Only rarely do I hear from them again. How do I ensure I'm eliminating women who'd string me along, and avoid making women who are truly busy feel rejected?

— Caller Waiting "Busy" is what you are when your roommate reminds you that it's your turn to gas mask up and evacuate the biohazards from the fridge — anything that's been in there long enough to start evolving legs. "Busy" is what you are not when you learn your roommate's only joking, and was actually hoping you'd make time to meet his little sister — the one who moonlights as a Playboy centerfold whenever she isn't body-doubling for Halle Berry. What you need to get from a potential date is her definition of "busy" — simply by asking her, if she claims it's a bad time, to tell you when, specifically, would be a good one. The second time she fails to propose one is your cue to suggest she call when she's "free" — whenever she's done nuclear retrofitting her curling iron.

— © 2004, Amy Alkon

Got A Problem?

Write Amy Alkon 171 Pier Ave., Box 280 • Santa Monica, CA 90405 • e-mail AdviceAmy@aol.com

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To respond to ads using a HI! I’m a 49-year-old SWF and I WLTM a onewoman’s man, very lonely person. I WLTM a gentleman who would to be good to me and treat me w/kindness and gentleness. 793024 A VERY SERIOUS WOMAN SBPF, 34, mother of 3, nurse, independent and secure, enjoys church, movies, dining. looking for commitment-minded, level-headed, spiritual, spontaneous, respectful man, who truly appreciates a good woman. Sound like you?

777612 AQUARIUS SEEKING SWF, 46, 5’6”, smoker, enjoys cuddling, movies, gardening. Seeking honest, handsome SWM, 40-50, with similar interests, with similar interests, for friendship, possible LTR. 759515 THE LORD, ABOVE ALL SBCF, 38, Pisces, N/S, in the medical field (works private duty), would like to meet SBCM, 38-50, who shares my love of the Lord, for LTR. 727626 TRAVEL, ANIMALS... and movies make me happy. SWF, 53, Capricorn, N/S, loves the fall and spring and visiting Gatlinburg, TN. Seeking WM, 55-56, for LTR. 728854 SEARCHING FOR MR RIGHT SBPF, 39, Libra, loves church, traveling, movies, and dining out. Seeking SBPM, 37-60, for possible LTR. 421273 FRIEND IN FAITH SBF, 47, Capricorn, N/S, involved with church, very creative, artistic, designs tile and cards.

Seeking BCM, 44-58, involved with church, who loves the Lord. 707742 SOUND IN MIND SWF, 40, 5’6’’, brown/green, mother, Pisces, N/S, N/Drugs, seeks attractive, good guy, sound in mind, body, and soul, for friendship, dating, possibly more. 701180 I LOVE ROSES SBF, 31, likes dining out, movies, travel, sports, music. Seeking SBM, 31-40, with similar interests, for friendship, possible LTR. 675623 SOMEONE YOU KNOW? Full-figured SBF, 62, 5’11”, H/W proportionate, brown/brown, loving, likes church, singing, movies. Seeking a good man who knows what he wants. 676011 SINGLE MOM Plus-sized female, 29, 5’3”, brown/hazel, cute, independent, enjoys conversation, movies, dining out. Seeking a man with a life of his own and would like to share mine as well. 634069 YOU KNOW WHAT TO DO SBF, 39, Leo, N/S, seeks BM, 38-45, down-toearth, very direct and straightforward, to have fun with. 582549 I’D LIKE TO HEAR... what you have to say. SBF, 18, 5’5”, darkskinned, pretty, Aries, N/S, enjoys shopping, vacations, and movies. Seeking a man, 20-28.

578781 RAINY DAYS AND COOKING... are a few of my delights. DBF, 38, 5’5”, 125lbs, pecan tan complexion, laid-back, down-toearth, Aquarius, smoker, N/D, seeks BM, 30-45.

569952 JUST BE THERE FOR ME SBF, 23, 5’2”, Pisces, N/S, enjoys traveling.

Seeking a romantic WM, 25-31, N/S, for LTR. 576613 MAKE YOUR OWN DESTINY Loving, intelligent SBF, 34, seeks SBM, 35-45, for companionship, long walks, movies, dining out and more. 550597 SINGLE MOM SEEKING SBF, 20, Gemini, N/S, mother of twins, likes going to the park, spending time with family, going to the mall, movies, seeks compatible SBM, 18-35, N/S. 532672 WHAT DO YOU HAVE TO LOSE? SWF, 48, Cancer, N/S, seeks WM, 40-56, who wants to have a great relationship. Why not give me a call? You never know. 511453

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PLEASE, PLEASE ME SWM, 32, N/S, N/D, is looking for a woman, 2735, with a petite build, to share good times, conversations and maybe more. 871092 AVERAGE JOE SWM, 52, is in search of a woman who enjoys games of golf, riding motorcycles, trips to the beach, or anything with the right guy. 861645 SEEKING SOMEONE SPECIAL SBM, 61, Virgo, smoker, likes reading, movies, dining out, travel. Seeking outgoing, caring woman, 18-55, with similar interests, for LTR. 850674 GIVE ME A TRY SBM, 30, Virgo, N/S, likes reading, movies, dining out, travel, sports. Seeking outgoing, caring woman, 18-40, N/S, with similar interests, for LTR. 851101 HANDY MAN Medium-built, tolerant, clean, financially secure DWM, 48, 5’10”, Aquarius, smoker, with a good sense of humor, enjoys cooking, house work, gardening, reading, music, cuddling. Seeking woman, 35-55, for long-term relationship.

607612 ONE SIMPLE WOMAN? SBM, 41, Leo, smoker, retired military and fireman, seeks SHF, 20-50, smoker, with simple tastes, for dating and possible relationship.

844123 GIVE ME A CALL SWM, 40, 5’8”, 185lbs, salt-n-pepper/green, N/S, enjoys fishing, horseback riding, stargazing, martial arts, reading, quiet times home.

Seeking that special woman to share life, laughs and maybe love. 834688 OPEN-MINDED, EASYGOING SWM, 27, 5’8”, 125lbs, blond/blue, smoker, loves pizza. Seeking WF, 25-45, smoker, for friendship, possible romance. 819355

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COUNTRY DWELLER DWM, 38, 5’9”, 170lbs, brown hair, with 3 children, body shop collision technician, N/S, likes old cars, tractors, and motorcycles. Seeking country girl, 28-42, for LTR. 821552 WITH ME, YOU’RE IMMORTAL SWM, 30, 5’8”, 175lbs, brown/blue, Sagittarius, lasagna lover, smoker, seeks WF, 27-33, for movies, dinner, and dancing. 709192

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FUNNY GUY SBM, 30, 5’9”, brown/brown, medium build, N/S, into sports, movies, dining out, friends, quiet times. Seeking down-to-earth, romantic SF, 2935, who knows what she wants. 718864 ARE WE A MATCH? SWM, 42, 6’1”, 180lbs, brown/blue, enjoys classic rock, movies, dining, and more. Seeking nice, friendly SW/HF, 30-47. 965931 DARE YOU TO ENJOY LIFE SWM, 35, 5’10”, with above-average looks, military officer, N/S, loves travel. ISO an exciting, adventurous woman, 22-50, N/S, who likes to have fun. 830590 LOOKING FOR YOU SBM, 34, 6’2”, 235lbs, N/S, loves cooking, and loves to romance you. Seeking woman, 20-40. If you’re reading this ad, let’s hook up. 815532 CAPRICORN SWM, 36, 5’10”, average build, smoker, seeks a sweet WF, 28-46, for friendship, possible romance. 818386 HIDDEN TREASURE Male, 27, 5’9”, 160lbs, blond/blue, Aries, N/S, seeks WF, 18-30, a straight shooter, who can appreciate an authentic Mr. Nice Guy type.

819406 DOWN FOR WHATEVER SBM, 18, 5’7”, Scorpio, N/S, student, seeks BF, 18-21, N/S, with a good head on her shoulders.

No games. 799082 OPEN-MINDED GUY SBM, 5’11”, 20, well-groomed, Capricorn, N/D, N/S, enjoys basketball, friends, dining, music.

Seeking nice, real woman, 18-25, for LTR. 800701 I’M INTRIGUED...

Male, 5’10”, athletic build, 30, Scorpio, N/S, seeks woman, 21-48, with interesting views and something to say. 801577

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COUNTRY GIRL AT HEART SWF, 40, 5’4”, brown/hazel, enjoys reading, walking, quiet times at home. Seeking a man to talk to and get to know. 870601 ALL YOU NEED IS LOVE Honest SWF, 28, 5’10”, 210lbs, blonde/blue, enjoys classic rock, horror movies, and quiet nights at home. Seeking SW/HM, 18-40, for friendship, possible LTR. 874789 LOVE OF LIFE Attractive, classy, vivacious SWCF, 50ish, N/S, N/D, seeks SWCM, N/S, N/D, who is honest, financially/mentally secure, and ready for commitment. 875741 SIMPLE KIND OF LIFE SWF, 34, listens to country and oldies music, and wants to meet a man to cuddle up on the couch and watch a good movie, or enjoy other simple pleasures. 860787 JAZZY MISS Slender and attractive SBPF, 31, loves music, conversation, travel. Seeking kind, friendly, honest and family-oriented SBM, 30-38, for fun times. 865339 NEVER SAY NEVER SWF, 41, 5’2”, blonde/blue, cuddly, new to area, Kentucky girl, Capricorn, N/S, enjoys cooking, waterfalls, kissing, long walks. Seeking WM, 3846, for friendship, and who knows? 686314 LOOKING FOR ME Female, 34, Leo, smoker, seeks man, 25-38, for romance, real friendship, with similar interests, possibly more later on. 844726 OLD-FASHIONED LADY SWCF, 48, 5’3”, 150lbs, blonde/green, Scorpio, N/S, enjoys church, Bible studies, music, dining out. Seeking SWCM, 35-60, N/S, for friendship and more. 840939 DREAM GUY SBF, 29, searching for open-minded, outgoing SM, 22-38, military man A+, for friendship, fun nights out, dancing, talks and maybe more.

836990 SOMEONE TO LOVE SWF, 48, enjoys a good horror movie, a drama or a comedy. Seeking a man for romance, quiet times at home, or just dancing the night away!

832399 COULD THIS BE YOU? SBF, 45, 5’4”, full-figured, Taurus, N/S, enjoys church, dining out, reading, and quiet times at home. ISO BM, 45-65, N/S, for LTR. 810309 LOOKING FOR YOU SWF, 37, 5’6”, Scorpio, N/S, enjoys mountains, bowling, the beach and music. Seeking WM, 3548, N/S, to be a companion, friend. 456544 MY OTHER HALF! SF, 46, 5’9’’, loves art, camping, fishing, animals, just getting away, relaxing. Seeking SM, 40-50, with the same interests. 732412 LOVES TO BOWL WF, 48, petite, Capricorn, N/S, enjoys Chicano cuisines. Seeking WM, 46-59, N/S, very outgoing, for LTR. 806136 HIKER HEAVEN SWF, 45, full-figured, N/S, enjoys church, exploring, old movies, auctions, and gym.

Seeking WM, 46-56, N/S. Let’s make tracks together. 807679 ADVENTUROUS MOM SBF, 29, Cancer, N/S, loves beaches, horror movies, and horseback riding. Seeking man, 2540, N/S, strong-minded, who loves kids.

808682 SEEKS SIMILAR SWF, 23, Capricorn, N/S, 5’2”, 190lbs, brown hair, enjoys sports, walks, dining, cuddling.

Seeking SWM, 20-33, N/S, for possible relationship. 800318

LOOKING FOR LOVE SWF, 24, blonde/brown, attractive, compassionate, easygoing, desires SWM, 24-34, honest, open-minded for friendship and companionship.

323553 DON’T PASS ME BY SHF, 18, 5’1”, 126lbs, short/brown, would like to meet a guy for bowling, dancing and romance.

463061 WHOLE LOTTA LOVE SBF, 33, would like to share movies, dinners, quiet evenings at home, the usual dating activities, with a great guy. 463610 MORE THAN AVERAGE Slender SBF, 53, 5’2”, independent, Aries, smoker, loves music, conversation, laughter.

Seeking independent, mature SBM, 48-65, for friendship first. 369627 STILL SEARCHING SWF, 47, 5’8”, 148lbs, Sagittarius, smoker, interests vary, seeks SWM, 37-48, for LTR. 342017 A LOT TO OFFER SWPF, 39, 5’2”, 155lbs, loves, sports, dining out, cooking, movies, walks in the park, playing pool, travel, dining out. Seeking young man, with similar interests, for friendship and companionship. 321666 ENVELOPING EMBRACE Kind-hearted SBCF, 52, non-smoker, enjoys dining out, attending church. Seeking loving SBCM, 52-65, with similar interests. 287845 FIRST TIME AD! Employed SBF, 35, no children, wants to meet a laid-back, spontaneous man, 33-41, race unimportant, to get to know as a friend and maybe progress to more! 280007 A GOOD-HEARTED WOMAN Honest SWF, 5’4”, long dark brown/hazel, would like to meet a trustworthy SWM for a good, honest, open relationship. I smoker, so another smoker is preferred. Grovetown. 111411

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GUIDELINES: DATE MAKER ads are for adults 18 or over seeking monogamous relationships. To ensure your safety, carefully screen all responses. First meetings should occur in a public place. Abbreviations are permitted only to indicate gender preference, race, and religion. We suggest your ad contain a self-description, age range, lifestyle and avocations. Ads and voice messages containing explicit sexual language will not be accepted. This publication reserves the right to revise copy containing objectionable phrases; to reject in its sole discretion, any advertisement on account of its text. This publication assumes no responsibility for the content or reply to any DATE MAKER ad. The advertiser assumes complete liability for the content and all replies to any advertisement or recorded message and for any claims made against this publication and its agents as a result thereof. The advertiser agrees to indemnify and hold this publication, its employees and its agents harmless from all costs, expenses (including reasonable attorney fees), liabilities and damages resulting from or caused by the publication or recording placed by the a service of advertiser or any reply to any such advertisement. By using DATE MAKER, the advertiser agrees not to leave his/her phone number, last name or address in his/her voice greeting. Not all boxes contain a voice greeting.

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M B D F H C LTR

Male Black Divorced Female Hispanic Christian Long-term Relationship

G W A S J P N/D N/S

Gay White Asian Single Jewish Professional Non-Drinker Non-smoker

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To respond to ads using a DO YOU LIKE 2 TRAVEL SM, 59, sociable and fun, enjoys bingo, dining out, movies, travel, more. Seeking sincere, happy, spontaneous lady for possible LTR. 774081 MAYBE YOU’RE MY LADY Honest, friendly SM, 46, auburn/green, likes scuba diving, motorcycles, travel, Elvis, documentaries. Seeking SF to share happy times, talks, and possible relationship. 776373 STARTING OVER Non-smoking SM, 19, 5’11”, 155lbs, brown/brown, medium build, likes movies, travel, sports, reading, quiet evenings at home.

Seeking outgoing, adventurous SF, 18-21, N/S, for LTR. 752673 A LOT TO OFFER easygoing SWM, 5’ 11”, Athletic build, 23, Cancer, N/S, seeks woman, 18-35, for friendship, possible romance. 761055 CIRCLE THIS AD SWM, 5’ 10”, Average build, 45, Gemini, smoker, with salt-n-pepper hair, loves cooking.

Seeking fun loving WF, 30-45, for friendship, possible romance. 762032 DONT PASS ME BY SWM, 41, Sagittarius, smoker, who enjoys cooking. Seeking Attractive WF, 30-50, to date.

752123 ACTUAL NICE GUY Independent, professional SBM, 5’ 9”, Average build, 30, Pisces, with a nice smile, N/S, seeks woman, 27-37, N/S, for friendship, possible romance. 751873 CALL ON MY Active, fun and intellectual SBM, 5’ 11”, Slim build, 20, Sagittarius, smoker, seeks woman, 20-24, smoker, for friendship, possible romance.

755250 CAN WE TALK ?

Spiritual SWM, 44, Capricorn, smoker, who enjoys the Fall. Seeking AF, 30-50, for LTR. 755341 ACTUAL NICE GUY Handsome, outgoing, open-minded SWM, 5’ 11”, Average build, 51, Leo, smoker, enjoys traveling. Seeking woman, 40-50, for LTR. 733850 HERE I AM! SM, 43, likes playing golf, the outdoors, nature, country music, some rock-n-roll. Would like to get together with a young lady, 27-45, who likes the same things. 703650 COMMITMENT-MINDED SWM, 5’7”, slim build, new to area, enjoys reading, movies, dining out, travel, sports. Seeking SF, 25-47, with similar interests, for friendship, possible LTR. 695638 SEEKS WARRIOR QUEEN Warrior SBM, 29, likes movies, horseback riding, travel, romantic evenings. Seeking warrior queen, 18-29, with similar interests. 695792 LOOKING FOR YOU SWM, 43, Taurus, smoker, likes funny movies.

Seeking WF, 29-35, smoker, for friendship, possible romance. 693348 GETTING TO KNOW YOU SWM, 54, Libra, N/S, loves baseball, jogging, and swimming. Seeking WF, 40-55, for friendship, possible romance. 685199 A SMILE SAYS IT ALL Easygoing SBM, 32, new to area, enjoys dining, sporting events, quiet times home. Seeking SF who enjoys sports and doesn’t always need to be on the go, for romance, LTR. 683984 WELL-ROUNDED MAN Educated SBPM, 41, 5’11”, loves reading, working out, the arts, dining out, travel, quiet times.

Would like to meet SWF, 30-45, with similar interests, for fun, friendship, and maybe more.

442021 ARE YOU LOOKING 4 LOVE? you’ve found it! Honest, trustworthy SM, 33, enjoys drives, cruises, quiet times at home, time with friends, good conversations. Seeking communicative, outgoing, intelligent lady to share friendship and maybe relationship. 681924 COLLEGE-EDUCATED SWM, 51, 6’1”, 193lbs, with blue eyes and a laid-back attitude, seeks a woman with a spontaneous, creative spirit. 434997 HEART OF GOLD SWM, 31, 6’3”, 210lbs, brown/blue, enjoys reading, movies, travel, sports. Seeking outgoing, attractive SF, with similar interests, for friendship, possible LTR. 556440

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LOOKING FOR MS. RIGHT SWM, 37, 5’9”, 180lbs, enjoys biking, sports, travel, dining out. Seeking outgoing, attractive SF, with similar interests, for friendship, possible LTR. 557954

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GREAT PERSONALITY SBM, 18, 6’3”, 220lbs, masculine build, seeking SBM, 18-29, very masculine, energetic, fun-loving, to go out for dinners, walks and more.

627150 RELAXING AT HOME SBM, 35, Virgo, N/S, likes relaxing at home, fun, concerts, trips going to the beach. Seeks fun, spontaneous SBM, 26-37, N/S. 532700 TAKE A CHANCE GWM, 43, 6’2”, 195lbs, black brown, seeks other GWM, for fun times and maybe something more. 493530 LET’S MEET FOR COFFEE Good-looking GWM, 36, 6’, 200lbs, muscular, tan, enjoys working out, yard work, spending time with my dogs. Looking for attractive SM, 32-48, for dating, maybe leading to LTR. 436231 ME IN A NUTSHELL WM, 18, brown/blue, medium build, looking for fun, outgoing, energetic guy, 18-30, for movies, hanging out, quiet evenings at home, and more.

Friends first, maybe becoming serious.

425471

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ACTIVE SBM SBM, 49, Pisces, N/S, enjoys bowling, movies, playing sports, seeks compatible BM, 30-46, N/S, with similar interests. 846543 SEEKING SPECIAL GENTLEMAN SBM, 33, 6’2”, 245lbs, Taurus, N/S, likes movies, camping, music, reading, sports.

Seeking out GM, 35-48, for friendship, possible romance. 824261 EASY TO TALK TO SWM, 48, loves good Italian or French cuisine, and is looking for a man who is easy to get along with, for romance. 870126 MASCULINE AND FIT SWM, 39, Libra, smoker, 5’8”, brown/brown, masculine, works out, fit, likes movies, riding bikes, camping, cooking, time at home. Seeks SWM, 30-43, with similar interests. 545309 I WANT TO MEET YOU! GBM, 32, 5’7”, average build, Pisces, N/S, likes reading, movies, dining out, travel, sports.

Seeking outgoing, caring GWM, 24-45, with similar interests, for friendship, possible LTR. 850885 SEEKS MAN WITH DIRECTION GBM, 33, Capricorn, N/S, seeks understanding, level-headed, secure GBM, 25-48, with similar interests, for friendship, possible LTR. 854633 INTERESTED? Independent SWM, 37, 5’8”, 150lbs, brown/brown, would like to meet fun-loving, honest, real, professional, secure female to share dates, talks, walks, dinners and romance.

848764 FUN TO HANG AROUND WITH GWM, 52, 5’2”, smoker, enjoys playing pool, having fun, seeks outgoing GWM, 40-55, smoker, with similar interests. 844895 SEEKING SOMEONE SINCERE GWM, 42, 5’11”, 175lbs, brown/blue, somewhat masculine, outgoing and friendly, likes dining out, travel, movies and shopping. Looking to meet honest, passionate SBM, with similar interests, for dating, possible LTR. 769411 FRIENDSHIP FIRST GWM, 26, 5’3”, athletic build, N/S, likes sports, working out, travel, reading, swimming. Seeking non-smoking GW/AM, 20-26, with similar interests. 764332 HEALTHY AND FIT SBM, 25, 5’5”, 170lbs, masculine, nighttime inventory stocker, Capricorn, N/S, enjoys working out. Seeking energetic, passionate, masculine WM, 20-50, N/S. 708544 A LOT TO OOFER Outgoing SWM, 5’ 10”, average build, 44, Capricorn, smoker, seeks WM, 40-50, smoker, to date and enjoy a lifetime companionship.

691527 DONT MISS OUT Fun-loving GWM, 24, likes sports, dining out, movies, quiet evenings at home, music. Seeking romantic, affectionate GM, with similar interests, for friendship, possible LTR. 675371 SEEKING FRIENDSHIP SBM, 6’1”, 214lbs, enjoys indoor activities.

Seeking masculine SW/BM, honest, sincere, who is looking for new friendships. 737679 SPRINGTIME BLOOM SWM, 33, with an education in business, seeks a man who loves country music, karaoke, springtime, and making a connection with a good person. 659296 ROAM IF YOU WANT TO SWM, 42, loves cool weather and the renewal of Spring. Seeking a man who is strong both physically and emotional. 661792

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ONLY A WOMAN WILL KNOW GBF, Capricorn, N/S, likes reading, movies, dining out, travel, sports. Seeking outgoing, caring GWF, 27-52, N/S, with similar interests, for dating and more. 850614

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LOVES CHILDREN Easygoing, nice SF, 32, looking for someone with the same qualities, 29-39, and a people person. 388943

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THE SWEETEST THING SBF, 26, 5’8”, 145lbs, wants to get out and have fun with a new friend, maybe more with time.

832018

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1 YOU’VE BEEN LOOKING FOR BiWF, 27, enjoys everything, promises you won’t regret it. If you’re looking for a good time and friendship, I’ll be perfect for you. 830500

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PLAYS GUITAR, WRITES... poetry, and rollerblades.

NativeAmerican/African-American female, 18, 5’5”, 117lbs, very toned, laid-back, a goofball at times, N/S, seeks woman, 18-29. 818596

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BONEVILLE BABE SWF, 31, 5’5”, 130lbs, brown/green, smoker, enjoys playing golf, movies, and picnics at the lake. Seeking WF, 25-40, for friends, possibly more. 818908

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WAITING FOR YOU SBF, 19, is in search of a friend first, maybe more with time, with a lady who likes to get out and have fun. 874312

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WHY WAIT? SWF, 38, 5’6”,140lbs, short brown hair, easygoing, enjoys playing golf, the beach. Seeking feminine female, 20-40, to have fun times and more.

448489

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DIVA WITH DIMPLES Independent DWF, 23, Gemini, smoker, enjoys hip-hop, R&B, and country music. Seeking WF, 20-30, smoker, for friendship, possible romance.

808179

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GET TO KNOW ME SBF, 25, Taurus, N/S, enjoys movies, travel.

Seeking woman, 21-30, N/S, for friendship, possible romance. 803723 A LOT TO OFFER Non-smoking GBF, 37, N/S, seeks very attractive, unique, romantic, fun, intelligent, feminine GF, 27-37, for friendship, dating, possibly more.

749660 A NEW BEGINNING Attractive and outgoing SWF, 5’ 5”, Athletic build, 20, Aquarius, smoker, loves the outdoors, camping and hiking. Seeking WF, 21-50, for LTR. 751226 JUST THE FACTS SBPF, 41, Libra, N/S, seeks PF, age and race unimportant, who enjoys dining out, quiet times at home, and movies, for LTR. 730225 SEEKING STRONG FRIENDSHIP BiWF, 27, 5’8’’, 145lbs, student, enjoys romantic comedies, fall, quiet restaurants. Seeking female for clubbing, shopping, dancing, dining, movies, television. 700095 LOOKING FOR A FRIEND GBF, 38, black/brown, medium build, N/S, likes dining out, movies, travel, sports. Seeking kind, sweet, honest GBF, 30-38, with similar interests, for friendship, possible LTR. 695904 ENJOYS BOWLING SBF, 32, Gemini, N/S, 5’3”, 145lbs, mother of one, enjoys movies, the mall, dining, going out to eat, bowling, quiet times at home, seeks woman, 21-38, for friendship, possible romance.

646271 BEAUTIFUL AND FEMININE GWF, 32, 5’7”, 135lbs, enjoys reading, movies, dining out, travel, sports, music, movies.

Seeking GWF, 25-39, with similar interests, for friendship, possible LTR. 329063

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©2003 TPI

S P I R I T

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Classifieds Alt. Lifestyles

47

Call 738-1142 to place your Classified ad today!

Employment

Music

Customer Service Positions PT & FT Star ts @ $19.95 per hour.

Training provided, call Laura at 931-779-5000 JOB#1127 (01/22#8340)

Jonathan Karow’s

Help Wanted ATTENTION! Home based Business!

Control Your OWN Hours and Income!

Full Training. Free CD-ROM and INFO Booklets www.goldmine4alll.com 1-888-232-9833 (01/22#8333)

Pilates

2 2

Where Musicians Shop

2 0 0 4

New & Used Musical Instruments • Buy • Sell • Trade • Consign • Lessons • Repairs • Open Late Private Investigator

Live Life at the NEXX Level!

Own Your Own Business PT/FT Training Provided Call Me Today 888-742-1777 LeRoy NEX X Independent Rep (01/22#8332)

RAY WILLIAMSON & ASSOCIATES Private Investigations 17 years experience Domestic Relations and Child Custody Cases Licensed and Bonded in Georgia & Carolina 706-854-9672 or 706-854-9678 fax (01/22#8327)

Call 738-1142 to place your Classified ad!

AFFORDABLE • CONVENIENT Tan At Home Payments From $25/month FREE Color Catalog Call Today 1-800-842-1305 (01/22#8320)

Premier Investigations •Domestic •Child Custody •Background Checks •Cover t Surveillance 869-1667 (01/22#8334)

Services

Mind, Body & Spirit

Real Estate

Equipment WOLFF TANNING BEDS

OLDETOWN

Full Body Massage!

Therapeutic tension relief, intense or tender touch, rela xing music, aromatherapy, by appointment only - $49.00/hr.

Call Joy - 706-771-9470 or John - 706-868-5598 (01/22#8326)

DOWNTOWN CONVENIENCE SPACIOUS 2 BR, 2 1/2 BATH TOWNHOUSE $685 PER MONTH, PLUS DEPOSIT WILL SELL FOR $75,000 CALL 706-877-4419 OR 706-877-4420 FOR APPOINTMENT (01/29#8337)

READINGS BY

Poor Water Drainage?

• French Drains • Gutter Drains • Catch Basins • Erosion Control • Waterproofing • Crawl Space

GUARANTEED SOLUTIONS

Premier Entertainment Complex & High Energy Dance Music

Thursday, January 22nd Ms. Augusta II Pageant COMING: Friday, January 30th Charlie Brown

MARLBORO STATION Aiken’s Ultimate Dance Club ★

★ ★

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★ Drink Specials: WED $9 Wet N' Wild FRI & SAT Famous Beer Bust All You Can Drink $9

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$1.00 D Every N raft ig All Nigh ht t ★

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STARLIGHT CABARET THUR - Dance Party SAT - Dance Party FRI - Dance Party Miss Peg Elton & DJ Mark & DJ Mark SUN- Dance Party Claire Storm & DJ Jon Jon

Fri & Sat. No Cover Before 10 p.m.

706-733-2603

★ ★

Open Mon-Fri 8pm-3am Sat 8pm-2:30am 1632 Walton Way • Augusta, GA

★

★

141 Marlboro Street, N.E. Aiken S.C. • 803-644-6485

DOORS OPEN AT 8:00 THURS, FRI, SAT, & SUN • 8PM-2AM

Email: ColiseumAugusta@aol.com

18 to Party • 21 to Drink • No Cover With This Ad

Mind, Body & Spirit

C A R D R E A D I N G S

Mrs. Graham, Psychic Reader, Advises on all affairs of life, such as love, marriage, and business. She tells your past, present and future. Mrs. Graham does palm, tarot card, and Chakra balancing. She specializes in relationships and reuniting loved ones.

SPECIAL READINGS WITH CARD

MRS. GRAHAM

THE COLISEUM

341 S. Belair Rd.

Become A Massage Therapist Augusta School of Massage Inc. is now accepting applications for day & evening courses. Ask how to receive a free massage table.

We exceed the minimum requirements for certification through the National Certification Board for Therapeutic Massage & Bodywork.

Augusta School of Massage Inc.

Open from 9 a.m. til 9 p.m.

Call (706) 733-5851

Professional Massage Therapist • Spor ts massage • Repetitive injury therapy • Carpal tunnel syndrome Golfers and boxers are welcome.

706-592-9450 or 399-8527 (01/22#8341)

Religion

Call Today For Details!

733-2040

3512 1/2 Wheeler Road • Augusta, GA 30909

Metropolitan Community Church of Our Redeemer A Christian Church reaching to all: including Gay, Lesbian, and Transgendered Christians.

Meeting at 557 Greene Street, 11 am and 6 pm each Sunday. 722-6454 MCCOurRedeemer@aol.com www.mccoor.com (01/22#8128)

www.metrospirit.com

LICENSED • INSURED

706-869-9988

www.sundownconstruction.com

Auction ABSOLUTE AUCTION Wilbur’s Moving Liquidation Thursday, January29th 6 PM 1562 Doug Barnard Pkwy (Exit 10 Bobby Jones Exp. left 1 mile on right) This sale will consist of a large inventory of tools vintage and other band equipment, electronics and collectibles, par tial list.

Fruehauf 5 X 8 trailer, 2 Manco go-car ts 5 hp, chain saws, Hilti guns, vises, heaters, craftsman table saw, saws, chains, tie downs, stick and wire welders, 3 ton elec. chain hoist, De Vilbliss 6 hp air compressor, drill press, drills, grinders, air and electric impact wrenches, craftsman roll tool boxes, routers, saws, hand tools, etc. Vintage Band Equip: Yamaha Elec. Grand Keyboards, ARP Omni II and other keyboards. Drums, Peavy Amp, PA equipment, stands, mics, marshall stage speakers, embossed sax(1914), trumpet, guitars and stands. violin, base fiddle, lights.

Stereo Equip.: 20 sets speakers, base cervin vegas, infinity, JBL, Yamaha, polk audio, TV’s, VCR’s, DVD’s, CD’s, play stations, game gear, etc. Car stereo speakers 18” down, remote CD players, amps. Also knives, jewelry, belt buckles, cigaret te lighters, much more to be unpacked and listed, moved to our location preview 2 hours prior sale. Not a consignment auction. It’s taken this man years to collect and assemble this merchandise and it will all be sold at this sale to the highest bidder! Inside Sale Term: Cash/Visa/Master Card/Check w/ bank let ter, 5% Buyers Prem. South Augusta Auction Co., Inc. GAL 2666, 706-798-8996 (01/22#8342)

S P I R I T J A N

230 8th Street • 724-1172

Business Opportunity

M E T R O

Telephone Service Unlimited Long-Distance & Local Calling One Price, One Bill, One Company Keep Your Same Phone # Call 1-800-392-4050 Eula NEX X Independent Rep (01/22#8331)

Travel

Wheels

Dead Bodies Wanted

We want your dead junk or scrap car bodies.

We tow away and for some we pay.

706/829-2676

OR

706/798-9060

Augusta’s Original Magazine For Women

s s A S

January

2004

MEN FOR WO

r Clubs e p p u S • xercise E e iv t a n r orth? e lt W A e r ' o t u o e Y id t u a Gi rlfriends' eG You Getting Paid Wh Ar

Look for Sass each month!

For more info call 364-SASS(7277)