Metro Spirit 03.04.2004

METRO SPIRIT Mar. 4-10 Vol. 15 No. 31

Augusta’s Independent Voice

Essential Reading

• The Kolb Abides - Page 16 •

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Contents

METRO SPIRIT ON THE COVER 19 Essential Reading

Cover Design: Natalie Holle

By Amy Fennell Christian

MARCH 4-10 • FREE WEEKLY • METROSPIRIT.COM

FEATURES 16 The Kolb Abides By Brian Neill OPINION 6 Whine Line 6 This Modern World 6 Words 8 Thumbs Up/Down 10 Letters 12 Insider

CINEMA 38 Flix 40 Review: The Passion of the Christ 41 Review: Starsky and Hutch 41 Reel Time

METRO BEAT 14 Trash Talk Among Augusta Commissioners BITE 26 A Taste of the Islands (and a Little Bit of Home) at Caribbean Experience II 27 In the Mix ARTS 28 Augusta Irish Festival Set for March 6-7 29 Polo Replaces Harness Race in Aiken Triple Crown 30 High Museum Hosts Two African Art Exhibits 31 King of Instruments, Instrument of Kings

MUSIC 42 Jazz/Funk Fusion Characterizes Adams Township 43 2 Live Crew: Still Nasty After All These Years?

44 Music by Turner 45 Sightings 46 Music Minis 46 CD Reviews 47 After Dark STUFF 50 News of the Weird 51 Brezsny’s Free Will Astrology 51 New York Times Crossword Puzzle 52 Amy Alkon: Advice Goddess 53 Datemaker 55 Classifieds

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EVENTS 32 Calendar EDITOR & PUBLISHER David Vantrease ARTS & ENTERTAINMENT EDITOR Rhonda Jones STAFF WRITERS Stacey Eidson, Brian Neill ADVERTISING SALES MANAGER Joe White ACCOUNT EXECUTIVE Kriste Lindler

PRODUCTION MANAGER Joe Smith GRAPHIC ARTISTS Natalie Holle, Erin Lummen, Rhonda Hall ARTS & ENTERTAINMENT ASSISTANT Lisa Jordan ARTS & ENTERTAINMENT INTERN Andy Stokes

ACCOUNTING MANANGER/CLASSIFIEDS Sharon King SENIOR MUSIC CONTRIBUTOR Ed Turner CONTRIBUTING WRITERS Amy Alkon, Rob Brezsny, Rachel Deahl, David Elliott, Amy Fennell Christian CARTOONISTS Tom Tomorrow

Metro Spirit is a free newspaper published weekly on Thursday, 52 weeks of the year. Editorial coverage includes arts, local issues, news, entertainment, people, places and events. In our paper appear views from across the political and social spectrum.

The views do not necessarily represent the views of the publishers. Visit us at www.metrospirit.com. Copyright © Metro Spirit, Inc. Reproduction or use without permission is prohibited. Phone: (706) 738-1142 Fax: (706) 733-6663 E-mail: spirit@metrospirit.com Letters to the Editor: P.O. Box 3809, Augusta, Ga. 30914-3809

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OPINION

J

eff Padgett makes me sick. Can there be anyone that could be more of a puppet for the superintendent than Jeff Padgett?

It really is a travesty. Charles Larke travels with an entourage to education events and has all questions posed to him censored by an advance team. Does Tommy Price do that? Absolutely not. When Tommy Price speaks to a group, he is the only one on stage. Larke lacks the ability to effectively communicate simple ideas with the English language. He is a joke and he has made Richmond County the laughing stock of the state and maybe even the whole Southeast.

Anyway, this board has turned our anemic checkbook over to an overpaid miscreant.

The state has made it known that the county could receive $5 million less in state funding and still the board plans on building Larke an $11 million facility downtown.

Charles Larke receives $310K (salary + vacation) in what appears to be an illegal board action and yet we have school teachers who are told the schools have no money to make photocopies for tests and quizzes. Every third night I drive my wife to Kinko’s in order to make necessary photocopies out of our own pocket. Like I said, my wife uses her own money to do this.

Barbara Padgett, school board member, said it best when she commented on the illegal payout and said, “I’d rather not comment on whether he was worth it or not.”

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METRO SPIRIT - MARCH 4, 2004

It is sad that the county has such a weak educational captain in Larke and the proof is that the S.S. Richmond has been taking on water for some years under his command. Why does he treat teachers so poorly? It is because he never was one. He will never know what it means to connect with a pupil and truly try to convey a concept or idea to many. You try listening to him and make heads or tails out of the gibberish he spews. It is unintelligible.

Just think, he goes to the capital to represent us. Good Lord. His claim to fame is his years spent at Westside High School in vocation.

Give me a break. A parking lot attendant could have handled his job. I guess what is even sadder now that Larke is there is that Larke has a faithfully spineless toady in Jeff Padgett to do his bidding.

Whine Line To those lamenting the loss of Joy 102.7, get the XM Satellite Radio. For $10 a month, you get 11 categories of music (jazz and blues, Christian and classical included), 68 music channels (all commercial-free) and 32 more news/sports/talk channels with ads. I can use my receiver in the house, in my car and in a boombox. Sure, it’s not free, but no more obnoxious commercials. By the way, Channel 73 is called “Frank’s Place.” I dare you to go listen to it and not love it. Can 1.3 million subscribers be wrong?

If there really is a threat of global warming, no doubt the hot air is coming from Washington, D.C. Mayor Bob wants to waste the folks in Atlanta’s time to do some kind of “forensic audit” to prove that ANIC is some sort of evil agency wasting the taxpayers’ money, but he never even bothered to go down there and review the information for himself. It seems to me that the real issue is that a bunch of rich white kids didn’t get their world-class rowing clubhouse in lieu of poor black families actually having a decent place to live in.

I bet if you checked Bob’s contributor list you will find a bunch of folks associated with that rowing club. Talk about cronyism. What a hypocrite!

I’ve had enough about all these “scared” heterosexual bigots who rant about how being homosexual is a big “moral sin” or “disgusting” to them. Has any one of these fools entered the 21st century where science has disproven a huge number of erroneous beliefs about being gay? Has any one of these “Christians” heard of the “human genome project?”

I understand the Aiken Battle last weekend drew 8,000 people each day. Too bad they didn’t hold it in the Augusta-Richmond County Civic Center.

Do you know what you get when you cross a religious fanatic with a criminal?

A Republican.

Words “I think (youth papers) are condescending, I think they degrade the readership, I think they’re talking down to the reader. They’re saying, ‘You don’t (understand) what we offer ... so we’re going to give you this thing that you can get.’

And you know something — bullsh—. We don’t want to become less than we are to reach an audience whose needs we wouldn’t do a good job of meeting.”

— New York Times Company Chairman Arthur O. Sulzberger Jr., quoted in Editor & Publisher after he spoke last month at the Medill College of Journalism at Northwestern University. Sulzberger was responding to an audience question about whether The Times planned to launch a faux-alternative, youth-oriented paper as some competing daily newspapers have, in efforts to offset sagging readerships.

Sound like anyone we know?

Just remember, the guy who truly — truly — runs it wears a cowboy hat.

Bush Administration to Haiti: Democracy be damned! Your land has too little oil and your skin has too much pigment. Let’s not be friends. Bush Administration to Libya: No democracy? Damn! Your land has too much oil and your skin color is fair enough. Let’s sleep together.

keep him and give him free money. Let’s go after the real idiots, the board members. We need to make them fire Larke, hire a new “super” (perhaps one of the principals currently serving in one of our schools), then impeach the board members and elect new, better, more education-oriented people.

To everyone who is angry with the news of Larke’s $90,000+ so-called “vacation pay reimbursement.” You fools. True, Larke is an embarrassment, but let’s all be honest concerning his high-pay, free “trips” and highly overrated bonuses. Larke does not have the power to write his own checks; he must have all raises and bonuses approved by the members at the Board of Education. These fools hired him,

Republican Party “political hacks” Harold Mays and U.H. Pittman have always been big supporters to help re-elect Senator Joey Brush. Mays and Pittman are now in the reelection camp of Sheriff Clay Whittle. If Whittle wants to demonstrate good common sense, he would boot Mays and Pittman off his re-election staff immediately.

Senator Joey Brush, Republican Ben Harbin and former Republican Robin Williams used to share living quarters while staying in Atlanta during the General Assembly session.

The old cliche “birds of a feather flock together” usually comes home to roost.

It is not Dr. Larke’s outrageous compensation that really gripes me. It is the horrible, deplorable, god-awful condition of the school system over which he reigns. Brian Neill’s article was an eye-opener. Aren’t we still 14th of all industrial nations in the world in educating our young? Fourteenth? I mean, come on — who can even name 13 other countries who could be ahead of us? And Georgia is what this year? Forty-ninth in the country or 50th?

Sheesh. And Larke isn’t even ashamed.

Yes, there are so many wonderful artists coming around and near town, but why not feature the artists that are stuck in lurk doom in Augusta? Give them a push.

It is really amusing to see these self-righteous, pious Republican hypocrites squirm when the truth comes out about their alleged sexual escapades, as is the case with Republican State Senator Joey Brush. One of these pious whiners even has the gall to say that Brush lacks the integrity and high moral standards expected of Republicans. Well, let’s examine the record. During the impeachment trial of President Clinton, we learned that many of his Republican accusers were just as guilty as the president. Republican Dan Burton, R-Indiana; Republican Henry Hyde, R-Illinois; Republican Bob Livingston, R-Louisiana; and Georgia’s illustrious Republicans Bob Barr and Newt Gingrich were accused of adultery.

Later, when Georgia’s ex-Attorney General Mike Bowers ran as a Republican for governor we learned he had been an adulterer for years. So let’s take a look at the adultery scoreboard: Republicans — 6; Democrats — 1. And that’s only the Republican adulterers who have been forced out of their self-righteous closets. The sad thing is that the redneck bigots in the CSRA are still falling for their propaganda. Yes, I agree with the Metro Spirit’s Insider. We do need to get rid of Joey Brush, but we need to replace him with a progressive Democrat.

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Just got our natural gas bill. Apparently all the crooks are not in prison. They’re either working for the gas company or they’re up there in Congress. Democrat or Republican, you should be ashamed of yourselves. But you don’t have the moral fortitude to hang your head and say “I’m sorry” and try to change things. Shame, shame.

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Columbia County Board of Education should hire someone new to determine school closings during inclement weather. Twice they had to cancel schools after first determining it safe to travel. The first time they were the only county to have school in session when power lines were down. The second time, there was sleet and the roads were slippery.

They should at least have enough sense to start school two hours later rather than risk

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An article in The Augusta Chronicle discussed Aiken County residents being upset with the clear-cutting of timber that has gone on along the Aiken-Augusta Highway in the Midland Valley area.

True, it is unsightly, but what may pop up in its place could even be worse.

The corridor has developed into a hodge-podge of junk shops, crusty continued from page 7 having traffic accidents, of which there were many.

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After reading the Metro Spirit for the February 26th through March 3rd issue about Charles Larke and his pay, I am surprised to learn (doing the math) that he gets $94,000 for vacation pay. How can the AugustaRichmond County community pay a man so much money to do inferior work where he is never available for phone calls? This is just the epitome of what is wrong with the Augusta-Richmond County area. We need to run this man out of town and recollect the money he has ripped off the Augusta people.

This is a shame.

Oh, heaven help us! Certainly someone who is talented and bright will run against Senator Joey Brush. Brush is a disgrace to the Senate.

Let’s go, you real Republicans in Columbia County. Brush has to go, and this is the best time to help him pack!

Something is very smelly about the treatment DA Craig gave the Windmill Plantation person caught with her hand in the cookie jar. It proves that if you’re rich in Columbia County, you can steal at liberty. God forbid if you’re black and get caught stealing a $10 shirt at Wal-Mart.

METRO SPIRIT - MARCH 4, 2004

hotels and billboards.

If the residents of Aiken County don’t let their planning and zoning officials know what they want in terms of future development along the corridor, they’ll soon wind up with the equivalent of Augusta’s Gordon Highway. Perhaps that should worry them more than downed trees.

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Part of Perdue’s plan is to enact a recruitment effort at the state’s colleges and establish an eight-week training academy for new caseworkers, followed by two months in the field under a mentor, according to The Atlanta Journal-Constitution.

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It will never happen, but somebody should audit those vacation days Dr. Charles Larke supposedly didn’t take. He’s a typical politician: a wheeler-dealer “do as I say, not as I do” hypocrite. The Board of Education should institute a “take them or lose them” vacation days policy, and force the superintendent to adhere to the policy as well. On the Spirit’s cover, Dr. Larke looks like the cat that just swallowed the $310,000 canary. I bet every time he opened his mouth to speak,

Let’s everyone continue to throw trash onto the streets on Bobby Jones’ medians and especially the I-20 access ramps to show our visitors what the Garden City is all about.

I didn’t know Augusta had a lotto of its own. Looks like Larke walked away with the Fantasy.

So Elaine van der Linden says that losing her dog has been the hardest and most hurtful thing she’s ever gone through. More hurtful than losing family members or other friends?

She needs to get some perspective.

Richmond County’s next school board elections will undoubtedly be the largest IQ test this area has ever undertaken. We trusted these people to handle our money. Wow, they treat our hard-earned dollars like Milton Bradley Monopoly money. Our kids have no hot water but Larke gets his own private potty in his soon to be constructed penthouse office suite. Yes, it is true Larke and his rubberstamp board just can’t afford to take a day off in Oz; if they did, somebody might look behind the curtain.

Jeff Padgett — You let us down, you lied to us, you said you were gonna run an honest government. I wonder how much Larke has put into your campaign? It’s time for you to get out of it; you lied to the people.

Call our Whine Line at 510-2051 and leave your comments. We won’t use your name. Fax your whines by dialing (706) 733-6663 or e-mail your whines to whine@metrospirit.com.

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OPINION The Church of the Most Holy Trinity will host a panel discussion on the following topics related the Mel Gibson’s religious masterpiece: • How all of sinful humanity, past, present and future, is responsible for the passion of Jesus Christ • How Jesus embraces His passion as God’s heroic act of love for all of sinful humanity • The meritorious effects of Jesus’ passion for all of humanity • The sacramentality and Catholicity of Mel Gibson’s “The Passion of Christ” • The Catholic Mass as an “unbloody renewal” of the actual Passion of Christ (Gibson has said his film “is a Mass”) • How a person comes into “full-communion” with Christ’s “one, holy, Catholic and apostolic Church” • How participating in “The Holy Sacrifice of the Catholic Mass” is a participation in the one Passion of Christ • Tour Georgia’s oldest Catholic Church with the Passion of the Christ integral to its ornate beauty

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Letters

Against Proposed Location of Rhinehart’s

D

ear Editor,

“Of the people and by the people” is what our government is meant to do. Why then is the government of Columbia County not representing the neighborhoods of Glenwood, Evanston and Idylewyld, who do not want Rhinehart’s as a part of our environment?

The land at Belair Road and Owens Road is zoned C1. My understanding of that zoning code is that the business is supposed to cater to the surrounding area and should not bring in traffic from outside areas. If the people living in the surrounding area do not want Rhinehart’s to be present, then Rhinehart’s will have to bring in outside traffic in order to stay open. If that is the case, then Rhinehart’s should relocate to a C2-zoned location.

Traffic at the Belair and Owens/Cox intersection is already very heavy.

According to the Columbia County traffic division, there were more accidents at this intersection (46) than at the Belair and Columbia Road intersection. The traffic is compounded by the daily surge of cars and buses going to Belair Elementary School and Evans High School. A bar would make that traffic even worse. Unfortunately, statistics prove that not everyone leaving a bar is sober or should be driving. The argument that the school traffic and bar traffic would not occur at the same time is faulty. Evans High and Belair Elementary have many functions that happen during evening hours. The argument that there are no walking in the area is totally false.

There are children riding bikes to and from both schools. There are many students, mostly from Evans High, who walk down Owens Road. Increased traffic would increase the danger to our children.

Another reason the neighborhoods do not want Rhinehart’s near our homes is the increase in light and noise pollution.

These are our homes. This is a peaceful area. Rhinehart’s has made a reputation of being rowdy. We don’t want the sky lit up brightly. We don’t want loud music and noises. Wednesday night at Rhinehart’s is Harley night. A motorcycle is not a bad thing, but the rumble of tens of motorcycles is very loud. We don’t want that kind of noise.

Columbia County became a great place to live because it provided a good atmosphere for families. Schools are an important part of that sense of quality surroundings. Why is the school board so disinterested in this issue involving two of their schools? Why are the elected officials turning away from the petitions of the people who elected them into office? Where is the city planning that includes families and neighborhoods?

Rhinehart’s does not blend into this area.

The people in the surrounding area do not want a bar in their neighborhood.

Government by the people and for the people starts with government listening to the people. We do not want Rhinehart’s!!

Lorinda Fournier

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OPINION

Insider

Jim Whitehead Steps Up March 6, 2004 at 8pm Unitarian Church (on Walton Way Extension)

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n Friday, March 5, former Columbia County Commissioner Jim Whitehead will make an official announcement of his intention to run against state Sen. Joey Brush (R-24) in the July Republican primary election. Whitehead wasted little time getting into the race after media attention zeroed in on Brush’s alleged extramarital affairs and current domestic problems.

As The Insider predicted last week, Whitehead was flooded with phone calls from people urging him to run. Sources close to Whitehead report that he heard from so many people he was overwhelmed. Calls came from all over the state.

Whitehead has called for a clean race and has said that he won’t make Brush’s personal life an issue. The fact is that he won’t have to.

There are plenty of people who want Brush out of office and whether Whitehead delivers the message of Brush’s personal life or not, the issue will be at the forefront of the contest.

Something Strange Is Going On Whenever news of a $20,000 salary jump is discovered down at the municipal building, city employees are smart enough to get suspicious. Last week, the Augusta Aviation Commission voted to increase the salary of the vacant finance director’s position at the airport to $68,000. The airport’s initial advertisements said the position carried a salary of $47,260 a year.

Some found the increase odd, but not completely out of the ordinary. Then, the public advertisement of the position was abruptly halted and it was announced just this week, only current city employees are eligible to apply for the job. The deadline for applications is March 5.

With such a short time period to receive applications, a number of city workers

thought the process was extremely strange — literally.

The word around the Marble Palace is Tammy Strange, the city’s deputy finance director, is already cleaning off her desk and packing her bags ready to move into Sen. Joey Brush the airport’s finance position even before other candidates have time to submit their applications.

Strange’s current salary is approximately $64,600 and insiders say that the deputy finance director wouldn’t accept anything less than $68,000 to make the move.

This prearranged hiring for the finance director’s position may not sit well with many aviation commissioners, particularly Sheila Paulk. In January, Paulk accused the airport of playing favorites when selecting new employees, specifically white employees. She said the airport had a “double standard” when it came to new hires. Strange is white and Paulk is black.

So, Strange may want to be more careful as she is busily picking out a new employee parking space at the airport. If she thinks the politics can get bad at the municipal building, she might soon realize that she’s jumping from the frying pan straight into the fire.

The views expressed in this column are the views of The Insider and do not necessarily represent the views of the publisher.

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W

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METRO SPIRIT - MARCH 4, 2004

hen it comes to picking up trash in Augusta, everything seems to end up messy.

Back in August 2001, when the city first began expanding garbage collection throughout Richmond County, the public works department was flooded with complaints from citizens whose garbage wasn’t getting picked up.

Many citizens even had to wait several weeks before receiving the required trash cans promised to them by their new haulers.

It was a shaky and very smelly start to Augusta’s trash pickup program, but the city listened to the citizens’ complaints and quickly ironed out the bugs in the system.

However, a few months later, in November 2001, the head of the city’s largest garbage hauler, CSRA Waste Inc., was arrested and accused of ripping off the city of Augusta by improperly using his Richmond County landfill exemption to avoid tipping fees on his business’s private trash collections.

The commission rushed to resolve the problem by voting to reassign CSRA Waste’s contract to Advanced Disposal Services, a collection company based in Jacksonville, Fla. For the past several years, the city’s garbage program seemed to be running smoothly. That was, until this week when commissioners chose not to approve a request by City Attorney Steve Shepard to extend three of the trash haulers’ contracts with the city.

The reason for the commissioners’ objection: The extension of the haulers’ contracts could result in residents under the city’s program paying a $40 to $45 fee increase per year.

“The yearly rate or monthly rate will increase,” City Administrator George Kolb told the commission on March 2.

That was not welcome news for many commissioners.

“People are paying $195 a year now,” Augusta Commissioner Tommy Boyles said. “What type of increase are we talking about to the average homeowner?”

“It will increase to approximately $230 to $235 per year,” Kolb responded. “Or in terms of months, it will go from roughly $16.25 per month to $19.60 per month.”

While a $45 increase may not sound

like a lot to some people in Augusta, Boyles insisted that such an additional charge each year will put a strain on many local senior citizens that solely rely on Social Security checks.

“Can’t we cut back the service rather than charging these little ladies that might be on a fixed income with Social Security this money?” Boyles asked.

Kolb explained that extending the contract didn’t necessarily mean that residents would be picking up the additional

By Stacey Eidson

for it,” Mays said. “It either means the government is going to deal with it as a loss and it is still going to have to come from somewhere (in the city’s budget) or we are going to have to directly charge citizens.”

Either way, Mays said, the citizens will be forced to pick up the tab. And he assured the commissioners if they approved the contract as written, there would be no way the commission could avoid implementing additional taxes or

Tommy Boyles

“People are paying $195 a year now.

What type of increase are we talking about to the average homeowner?”

— Augusta Commissioner Tommy Boyles

cost. He suggested the commission hold a future work session to discuss where the extra revenue for the city’s garbage program should come from.

“The only increase you are voting for is an increase in the charges to the municipality for the services of collecting waste,” Kolb said.

However, Mayor Pro Tem Willie Mays rejected Kolb’s reasoning, stating that residents’ wallets would ultimately be impacted by the increased cost of the garbage service.

“It may not be passed on to somebody, but somebody is going to have to pay

approving a fee increase.

“The attorney is saying to us that we are going to get ready to approve a contract and the administrator says we might not have to charge residents,” Mays said, “but I don’t see how we can open the door to the stable and catch a thoroughbred after it’s 100 yards down the track.”

Several commissioners asked if they could wait a few weeks to look over the contracts and decide on the best option for the city and its residents.

But Shepard told commissioners the city was quickly approaching a deadline in the haulers’ contracts. The contracts state the

city must provide the companies with 90 days’ notice, prior to the contracts’ ending dates in June, as to whether the city is going to extend them another year or terminate them.

“Would I be out of order asking these companies to give us an extension of this 90 days, just so the commission would feel comfortable about what we are going to have to do?” Augusta Commissioner Don Grantham asked.

“Potentially they may be willing to do that,” Shepard said. “But I can’t promise you that that won’t result in a much higher rate of charge then what’s in the contract now. That’s the risk.”

Shepard also explained the commission could be in danger of not having a hauler in place after June if the city delays approving the contracts.

“So, if we don’t act today, we may be faced with the possibility that we are going to lose the contract to pick up trash,” Augusta Mayor Bob Young said.

Grantham couldn’t believe what he was hearing.

“I’m glad I’m in a business where I can negotiate things,” Grantham said in disgust. “That way, I can do what I need to do.”

Public Works Director Teresa Smith tried to ease some of the commissioners’ concerns by explaining that, while the $40 to $45 increase may sound bad, the commission had already approved similar increases with Advanced Disposal Services, the city’s largest hauler.

“The contract that you have before you represents approximately 17,000 (residential units) of the 52,000 units that are currently serviced,” Smith said. “The commission has already approved the extension for approximately 35,000 to 37,000 units that (the $45 increase) could potentially apply to.”

That revelation did not make commissioners feel any better and ultimately the commission failed to extend the contracts with a vote of 4-3-2. Only commissioners Jimmy Smith, Barbara Sims, Richard Colclough and Boyles voted in support of the motion.

“For those on fixed incomes, when it jumps from $195 to $235, that’s going to hurt them,” Mays said. “And we need time to consider that.”

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Kolb Abides

By Brian Neill

C

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METRO SPIRIT - MARCH 4, 2004

ity Administrator George Kolb has been in the news lately for earning a lackluster performance evaluation score of 66.8 percent in November and being a constant target of criticism for certain Augusta commissioners.

To assign him the adjective “embattled” seems somehow to understate the public dressings-down he’s received in open meetings and the media.

So it may come as a surprise that he has only good things to say about his tenure here, which is nearing the three-year mark.

“It’s been good; it’s been a good tenure,” Kolb said, inside his office on the eighth floor of the Municipal Building. “I think we’ve accomplished a lot. It’s been a good experience.”

Pressed a little further, however, one gains insight into what it’s like to be in this pressure-cooker of a job.

“In these kinds of jobs, you’re never settled,” Kolb said. “You never know from meeting to meeting if you’re still going to be around.”

Kolb also acknowledged thinking a time or two about seeking work elsewhere since he’s been here.

“I’ve looked at opportunities,” Kolb said.

“But other than that, I like Augusta.”

Kolb said he thinks his relationship with the Augusta Commission has been portrayed inaccurately in the media.

He downplayed his seemingly combative interactions with commissioners.

“I don’t think it’s true; I don’t think that it’s all combative,” Kolb said. “Government in itself is a challenge and Augusta holds its

own as far as challenges are concerned. So you take it as it comes.”

Kolb assumed the post of administrator on May 1 of 2001, after his predecessor Randy Oliver left for greener pastures in Greenville, S.C. (He’s now city manager of Peoria, Ill.).

Early on, Kolb received criticism for doing things his own way, in headstrong fashion.

The biggest battle came when Kolb held closed-door interviews for a replacement for Augusta’s controversial former fire chief, Ronnie Few.

gridlock-breaking vote from Commissioner Bobby Hankerson, Gillespie was hired.

Looking back on the matter, Kolb said he did nothing outside the parameters of the city’s own ordinances.

“Administrators have different styles of doing things,” Kolb said. “My style is: I will bring you three (candidates). It’s the team that I have to work with, so I will give you my recommendation on who I want. And that’s the way the ordinance reads, is that I bring the mayor my recommendation.”

“You get through all this stuff. I mean, ‘This too shall pass.’ That’s the way you have to look at it.”

— George Kolb Kolb, then in his position for less than a year, held commissioners at bay during the interviewing process until he had whittled the candidate pool to three. Then, he took his choice, current Fire Chief Al Gillespie, before the commission.

It was a process that rankled commissioners, accustomed to having input in the interview process. Initially, Kolb’s choice for fire chief failed to get the votes he needed.

Three months later, with the help of a

Like other challenges and hurdles during his time here, Kolb said he cleared that one, too.

“You get through all this stuff,” Kolb said.

“I mean, ‘This too shall pass.’ That’s the way you have to look at it.”

Kolb seemed equally unfazed by recent harsh criticism concerning the method by which his job is evaluated, as well as the way he goes about evaluating his own subordinates.

Commissioners recently were dismayed to discover that Kolb had conducted some

evaluations for department heads by letting them fill out assessments of themselves.

“This is your best?” an angry Commissioner Marion Williams, a frequent Kolb critic, asked the administrator during the recent meeting. “I could have asked the department heads to send me this.”

At the same meeting, Commissioner Willie Mays told Kolb: “I didn’t know that we needed to be that cumbersome and that forceful to have to tell you how to do an evaluation. But if you want it in that matter, that’s fine.”

Kolb, however, calls the evaluation process flawed, saying it relies too much on judging personalities, rather than accomplishments.

“We ought to be looking at the accomplishments, not at what people wear to work every day and whether they show up on time — those kinds of issues,” Kolb said. “People’s characters should not be the issue of a performance evaluation. What should be the focal point is: What have they accomplished?”

Kolb thinks that premise should also carry over to his own evaluation.

Commissioners are currently trying to devise a new set of standards by which to measure the administrator’s performance after they, Kolb and the mayor failed to reach a consensus on the process.

Kolb said he was not disheartened by the 66.8 grade he received in November.

“No. Because from the beginning we agreed that the performance evaluation as they (commissioners) wanted to conduct it wasn’t going to mean anything,” Kolb said. “We agreed to that. And they would begin to set goals and objectives rather than looking at the personal

“I think George also has some shortcomings, from the standpoint of personalities or from the standpoint of being able to get along well with a lot of the people,” Grantham said.

“I feel like sometimes George has a tendency to not be interested in the people he’s talking to as much as the subject matter. I think sometimes that has a bearing on how people receive George as well as how you get some communication with him.”

As for Kolb’s harshest and most vocal critic, Commissioner Marion Williams, he says it’s nothing personal.

“This is not personal, even though the papers have made it seem to be a personal thing,” Williams said. “But anybody who’s doing a job with the government, especially people at the top, I hold them accountable and I expect them to do what they get paid to do.

“I wanted George. I brought George in. I told George that he would be the first black administrator and I told him that he would be under a microscope, because there’s a history there that, that (hiring a black administrator) never happened before. But you know, he tended to come in and, in my opinion, not do the things that we asked him to do. He came in with a manager’s mentality and we don’t have a management style of government.”

But Kolb defends his independent style, regardless of the structure of local government and his inability to hire and fire his own employees.

And maintaining his independence is buoyed by what has been termed an “evergreen” contract, one which continually renews until it is voted against.

That contract does not sit well with Hankerson.

“Just get rid of his evergreen contract,” Hankerson said. “No city employee should have an evergreen contract.”

But Kolb said his contract — which, among other things, requires six months’ written notice to terminate, or else it renews for another year — is a form of insurance that gives him peace of mind in the face of political pressure.

Under Kolb’s contract, if the commission chooses to fire him without the proper notice, the city must pay him a lump sum equal to six months’ worth of his $127,000 annual salary.

“You’ll find that professional managers who come in to run cities, they build in security for themselves in that eventuality — severance pay, contract renewals, those kinds of things,” Kolb said. “And then you aren’t constantly trying to re-think your position as to whether it’s going to get me fired. You can focus on doing the right thing, hopefully.”

While on the subject of evaluations, Kolb was asked to give his own of the commission.

“Hmm, that’s a good question. I don’t know if I have an answer to it,” Kolb said. “I think they’ve done some things very well; I think there have been other things that they’ve missed the mark on.”

Kolb said he couldn’t think of any one specific thing for which he’d fault the commission.

“I think there may be a misunderstanding of what the role of the administrator is,” Kolb added. “I’m a policy adviser; I am not a policy maker. But I should be able to give advice and make recommendations, without it being considered that, that is the will the city should follow.

“It’s just advice.”

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METRO SPIRIT - MARCH 4, 2004

characteristics of who holds this position.”

That’s news to Commissioner Hankerson.

“I don’t know anything about, ‘The evaluation doesn’t mean anything,’ because I don’t sit down and spend my time of a day or so evaluating somebody and it has no meaning,” Hankerson said. “It does have a meaning.”

“I mean, that evaluation, in detail, really states it,” Hankerson added. “It’s the voices of 10 commissioners and the mayor, and it was only done in November or sometime back.

And I haven’t seen any significant changes in the few months since the evaluation.”

The evaluation used a weighted scoring system to rate Kolb, from unsatisfactory to outstanding, on various skills and traits.

Some of Kolb’s highest marks came in the areas of job knowledge/competency, quality/quantity of work and initiative/commitment.

His lowest scores were in the areas of acceptance of criticism, respect for authority and attendance/punctuality.

“It’s a very subjective evaluation,” Kolb reiterated. “I did not consider it (the grade) relevant to what I believe I’ve accomplished in this community.”

And Kolb feels like he’s accomplished a lot.

He considers as one of his most significant feats to date, working with city leaders and the public to determine how more than $200 million in Special Purpose Local Option Sales Tax money will be spent in the community.

Kolb said it was a challenge to balance the community’s needs, wants and desires, but balked at calling the process frustrating.

“Frustrating? I wouldn’t call it frustrating,” Kolb said. “It’s a challenge, because I have new concepts and I understand how other cities have done it and it’s a matter of convincing whatever audience you’re talking to that that’s the appropriate way to approach it.”

Kolb said he also has worked hard to make government workers more mindful of citizens’ wants and needs.

“But the challenge then is to have the resources in order to do everything that we need to do,” Kolb said. “There’s a lot to be done. I think we’re just scratching the surface.”

A challenge that still awaits Kolb is dealing with an estimated $4 million shortfall in the budget, which the county has tried to offset, in part, by not filling some non-vital positions as they become vacant.

Kolb says it’s only a temporary fix and refuses to call it a hiring freeze.

He does not, however, have a ready answer for how the county will shore up the deficit without having to delve even deeper into general fund reserves.

“It’s going to be really tough. We’ll try it, but things are always coming up that are unexpected that will hit those savings,” Kolb said. “And again, the plan is not designed to be a long-term solution to a budget shortfall.

It just doesn’t work. It’s temporary.”

Though Commissioner Don Grantham has only worked with Kolb a short time since rejoining the governing body this year, he has found him a capable administrator in many ways.

“I find George to be a very talented person. I think he’s well-versed in his field,” Grantham said. “I think he knows his business. He seems to handle himself quite well.”

However, Grantham said, Kolb’s personality is a sticking point.

18

METRO SPIRIT - MARCH 4, 2004

Essential Reading In a recent interview in Esquire magazine, Jack Nicholson said something interesting.

“I love discourse,” the 66-year-old actor explained. “I’m dying to have my mind changed. I’m probably the only liberal who read “Treason” by Ann Coulter. I want to know, you understand? I like listening to everybody. This to me is the elixir of life.”

So with Jack’s quote as inspiration, we’ve put together a list of essential reading — books that, once you’re finished, might just have taught you a thing or two. We have tried to present a “fair and balanced” list, but being part of the liberal, left-wing press we haven’t gone as far as to suggest you read “Treason.” In the political arena, the closest we’ve come is Zell Miller’s indictment of the Democratic Party. And yes, of course, Michael Moore’s latest is included as well.

Fictional offerings are where things really get fun. There, you can find everything from a factfilled novel by former U.S. President Jimmy Carter set in Georgia during the time leading up to the Revolutionary War to one about the first female detective in Botswana.

So, as Jack would say, listen to everyone. Who knows? Someone might just change your mind.

The Metro Spirit expresses its gratitude to Barnes & Noble for providing the above titles for review.

By Amy Fennell Christian

Dude, Where’s My Country?

By Michael Moore (Warner Books, hardcover, 249 pages, $24.95)

METRO SPIRIT - MARCH 4, 2004

“They call it a war on ‘terror.’ How exactly do you conduct a war on a noun? Wars are fought against countries, religions, and peoples. They are not fought against nouns or problems, and any time it has been attempted — the ‘war on drugs,’ the ‘war on poverty’ — it fails.”

Yes, folks, he’s back. Michael Moore may look harmless enough, but it’s best not to get on his bad side, and President George W. Bush has done exactly that. So what does he want done? Well, that can best be summed up by the final chapter’s name: “Bush Removal and Other Spring Cleaning Chores.”

Moore’s follow-up to the best-selling “Stupid White Men” begins with some interesting facts complete with footnotes if you don’t believe him (there’s also an extensive, 30-page “Notes and Sources” section at the back of the book). He poses seven questions to “George of Arabia” (whom he alternately calls “Commander in Chief of the Fatherland”) and proceeds to answer them himself. Questions include everything from those about the 25-year business relationship between the Bushes and the bin Ladens (and the Saudi royal family) to how a man on dialysis and living in a cave in Afghanistan could have orchestrated the Sept. 11 attacks.

Chapters are alternately packed with information and silly. One called “How To Stop Terrorism? Stop Being Terrorists!” is followed by a message from God (no kidding), who apparently dislikes W. as much as Moore does.

“I realize I should have put and end to this madness a few days after 9/11 when George W. said on the altar of the National Cathedral that it was his mission now to ‘rid the world of evil.’ People started to believe that he was going to do it. Well, you can’t rid the world of ‘evil’ because evil is necessary to define what is good.”

Moore’s anti-Bush stance has hardly made him Mr. Popularity in this country, and that little chapter from “God” should win him a whole new set of enemies. But that is part of the fun of Michael Moore — you just never know what he’s going to write (or say) next.

On the other hand, Moore’s single-minded zeal can be overwhelming and frustrating, so, like “Stupid White Men,” it’s best read in small doses.

And if you’re worried about Moore’s anti-Bush rhetoric winding up in the wrong hands, don’t. On the first page you’ll find that “Dude…” has been approved by the Department of Homeland Security, although I seriously doubt that Tom Ridge has seen the document that includes the ominous warning “YOU HAVE A RIGHT TO …

SCREW IT! YOU DON’T HAVE ANY RIGHTS!!”

Enjoy.

19

The No. 1 Ladies’ Detective Agency

By Alexander McCall Smith (Random House, paperback, 235 pages, $11.95)

Precious Ramotswe may own Botswana’s first and only detective agency run by a woman, but don’t make the mistake of labeling her a crime-fighter. Rather, this “traditionally built African lady” sets out to help people with their problems — problems that, in this first book of a series, include finding a missing man, trapping a cheating husband, uncovering several cases of fraud and spying on a wealthy man’s teenage daughter.

Mma (which means “Mother” or “Mrs.” in Setswana and is pronounced “mah”) Ramotswe is no Miss Marple (although she refers to Agatha Christie often) and Smith’s book is no mystery. Rather, it is an engaging story told in the lyrical voice of one of the best characters fiction has seen in years.

Mma Ramotswe (no one in the book calls her Precious, not even the three men who ask her to marry them) is a fully fleshed-out human being — brave enough to kill a crocodile with a rifle, yet damaged by a disastrous marriage; intelligent and cunning enough to solve cases, yet gullible enough to get duped every now and then. She’s an emphatic woman who strongly believes in manners and treating people kindly, yet she’s no one’s doormat.

The story begins with a brief history of Mma Ramotswe, her family, her brief marriage to Note Mokoti and the opening of The No. 1 Ladies’ Detective Agency. From there the book tracks her day-to-day adventures dealing with clients and others involved in the cases she takes on. Mma Ramotswe’s insights are usually infallible but, in the case of a father who suspects his 16-year-old daughter of seeing a boy on the sly, she finds herself siding with the enemy.

“She felt a natural sympathy for the girl, of course; what a terrible fate to have a father like this one, intent on keeping one in some sort of gilded cage. Her own daddy had never stood in her way over anything; he had trusted her and she, in turn, had never kept anything from him — apart from the truth about Note perhaps.”

There’s a larger mystery, involving a young boy and a witch doctor, that crops up from time to time and its resolution is quick and relatively easy — maybe a little too much so. It’s not surprising, though. After all, this is a story about a woman’s life, and there’s a lot more to this woman’s life than her job.

“The No. 1 Ladies’ Detective Agency” may make you wish you knew the kind and dryly funny Mma Ramotswe. And Smith’s vivid portrayal of Botswana may make you wish you lived next to her on Zebra Drive.

20

METRO SPIRIT - MARCH 4, 2004

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By Toni Morrison (Alfred A. Knopf, hardcover, 202 pages, $23.95)

Love is complicated. Love can drive a person to strange and sometimes horrible acts.

The same can be said of “Love,” the latest novel by Pulitzer Prize winner Toni Morrison, a complex tale of how love can drive people apart as easily as it can bring them together.

At the center of this cautionary tale is Bill Cosey, the deceased owner of a nowdefunct waterfront resort that provided its black guests with a chance to enjoy good food, live music and luxurious accommodations during a time before the civil rights movement. Cosey, a charming and flamboyant man, is long gone before the novel’s outset, but his memory and the characters’ love for him propel the plot.

Much of the story is a series of flashbacks and it’s clear that Christine, Cosey’s granddaughter, and Heed, his second wife, are still living in the past. Occupying the same house with Christine as a live-in servant of sorts to her nemesis, these 60somethings live to antagonize each other. Christine, for instance, will prepare Heed elaborate meals that include shellfish, which Heed cannot eat, while wearing 12 diamond rings pilfered from Heed’s collection.

Revolving around these two’s orbit are L, the narrator and former chef at Cosey’s resort; Vida, another resort worker who has deified Cosey and whose son now works as Christine and Heed’s maintenance man; May, Cosey’s daughter-in-law and Christine’s mother; and Junior, a runaway who goes to work for Heed and becomes entranced by a portrait of Bill Cosey.

In this slim novel, Morrison takes her time doling out small doses of information.

That, combined with the book’s stream-of-consciousness narrative style, may leave some confounded. A second reading is almost required to fit the pieces of the puzzle together.

Among the strange and horrific acts included in “Love” are a gang rape, a couple of murders, physical confrontations between Heed and Christine (that include the latter pulling a knife on the former during Bill Cosey’s funeral) and pedophilia. In other words, “Love” is not for the faint of heart, although Morrison handles these situations as elegantly as she does a description of the weather.

“Our weather is soft, mostly, with peculiar light. Pale mornings fade into white noons, then by three o’clock the colors are savage enough to scare you. Jade and sapphire waves fight each other, kicking up enough foam to wash sheets in. An evening sky behaves as though it’s from some other planet — one without rules, where the sun can be plum purple if it wants to and clouds can be red as poppies.”

Turns out, love has no rules either and things aren’t always what they seem to be.

Cosey, who seems throughout the book to be a little too good to be true, eventually proves the reader right. And while we’re meant to think that the hate that has festered for so many years between Christine and Heed springs from jealousy over a man they can’t possibly share, we find out toward the end of the book that it has less to do with Cosey and more with an emotion they originally felt for each other … love.

METRO SPIRIT - MARCH 4, 2004 21

22

METRO SPIRIT - MARCH 4, 2004

Steve Martin: The Author

You don’t have to go to the movie theatre to know that Steve Martin is a talented man. Just head to your local bookstore and pick up “The Pleasure of My Company” (Hyperion, hardcover, 163 pages, $19.95).

“Pleasure” is far from Martin’s first foray into the publishing world. There are his plays — “Picasso at the Lapin Agile and Other Plays,” 1996, and “The Underpants: A Play by Carl Sternheim,” which he recently adapted; a book of essays called “Pure Drivel” (1998); and “Shopgirl,” a novella written in 2000 which, rumor has it, will be made into a movie. And these don’t even take into account his screenplays.

The plays feature Martin’s gift for screwball comedy and his essays are laughout-loud hilarious. One, called “Writing Is Easy!” contains Martin’s observations on the craft, including “Writer’s block is a fancy term made up by whiners so they can have an excuse to drink alcohol.” Writing dialogue, an intimidating prospect for many would-be authors, is easy if you employ Martin’s strategy. “Simply lower your IQ by fifty and start typing!”

One of the best is a news story called “Times Roman Font Announces Shortage of Periods” and the entire three-page essay benefits from just one of the popular punctuation mark (well, two if you count the backward period — don’t even ask).

Those may be typical Martin, but “Shopgirl” shows a softer, gentler side of the comedian. Written in the detached third-person, Martin still manages to infuse the depressed Mirabelle, a glove salesperson at Neiman Marcus, with humor and grace, and it’s obvious he cares for this character a great deal.

Mirabelle lives a solitary life and craves the attention she doesn’t get from her parents, friends or the men she dates. One, a slacker named Jeremy, makes Mirabelle chip in for dinner and a movie on their first date and counts a run-in at a Laundromat as their second.

“Mirabelle is shocked when she later leans that Jeremy considers this their second date. This fact comes out when at one abortive get-together, Jeremy invokes the ‘third date’ rule, believing he should be received at second base.

Mirabelle is not fooled by any such third date rule, and she explains to Jeremy that she cannot conceive of any way their Laundromat encounter, or any encounter involving the thumbs-up sign, can be considered a date.”

Mirabelle moves on to Ray Porter, an older, wealthier man who cares for her but mistreats her just the same. Things begin to look up for Mirabelle toward the end and, in one of Martin’s many beautiful phrases, Ray begins to realize what he’s lost. “How,” he wonders, “is it possible to miss a woman whom you kept at a distance, so that when she was gone you would not miss her?”

In his latest novel, Martin again deals with a less-than-perfect character.

Daniel Pecan Cambridge has obsessive-compulsive disorder and rarely leaves his apartment because to walk outside means he would have to deal with curbs.

Crossing the street only where two scooped-out driveways face each other is just one of Daniel’s peculiarities. Others include ironing (“Once I ironed a pillow almost completely flat,” he confides) and making magic squares (a square divided into 250 smaller ones, filled with numbers whose sums are identical whether added horizontally or vertically) to calm himself after particularly anxiety-laden events.

But there’s a lot going on in Daniel’s seemingly isolated existence. He was a brief murder suspect and he enters and wins the Most Average American contest he discovers during one of his frequent trips to Rite Aid. Then there are Daniel’s women: Elizabeth, the real estate agent trying to rent an apartment across the street; his neighbor Philipa, who loves the smoothies Daniel makes her (without knowing the real reason why); Clarissa, the “student shrink” who visits him twice a week; and Zandy, the Rite Aid pharmacist.

Daniel is brilliant (although the Mensa people don’t seem to agree) and the first half of the novel is filled with hilarious non sequiturs and observations.

Strangely enough, though, when Daniel begins to come out of his shell and his relationships with other characters begin to deepen, the book becomes bogged down. And while the ending is a little too pat, “Pleasure” is still just that.

The Hornet’s Nest

By Jimmy Carter (Simon & Schuster, hardcover, 465 pages, $27)

Beloved statesman and humanitarian Jimmy Carter has accomplished many things during his long career in public service and now he’s become the first American president to write a novel.

No stranger to the publishing world, the 39th president has written everything from children’s books to memoirs, religious devotionals, poetry and political nonfiction. His first foray into the world of fiction, however, was just last November with the publication of the historical tome “The Hornet’s Nest.”

The book takes place in the time leading up to the Revolutionary War and follows two brothers from Philadelphia, Ethan and Henry Pratt, as they make their way down to North Carolina and then, for Ethan and wife Epsey, to an area near Augusta. Or, at least, we’re meant to think it follows these characters.

One of the main problems in Carter’s first outing is a lack of focus: Characters drift in and out of view and one of the purported protagonists exits the book entirely on page 77 of the 465-page book. The other disappears more and more as the book goes on (often not mentioned for 50-75 pages at a time), only to reappear as the book’s focus toward the end.

What fills the interim pages? A host of other characters — so many that it’s often hard to keep up. Some, like slave woman Quash Dolly (who helps the Redcoats win a decisive battle in return for freedom) and Newota (an Indian living in Georgia who also helps the British), are wonderful characters we barely get to know before they’re snatched away. Others, it seems, stick around a little too long. Readers may get frustrated at the constant switching back and forth with no apparent common bond, other than the war, to hold the characters together.

The book is fascinating but it can also be infuriating to someone sitting down to read what they think is a novel but what turns out to be a series of history lessons painted in excruciating detail. Some situations feel contrived, such as a character’s interest in another’s job. “Kindred asked, ‘Mr. Starling, tell us how you came to be a trader, and something about how you do it.’” These thinly veiled set-ups appear throughout the book and the explanations that follow them are often overly long and drawn-out.

One final complaint is that the origin of the book’s name is not revealed until late in the book, but, for local residents, the explanation of it as the Georgia militia’s sanctuary in the swamps and woods above Augusta is satisfying.

The second is the surprising number of sexual encounters that appear in “The Hornet’s Nest.” Given Carter’s faith and his “adultery in my heart” comment, these amusing and brief encounters alone are almost worth the cost of the book.

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A National Party No More: The Conscience of a Conservative Democrat

By Zell Miller (Stroud & Hall, hardcover, 237 pages, $26)

One gets the feeling that if “Common Sense” hadn’t already been taken, that’s what Zell Miller would have called his recently published book. Instead, we get “A National Party No More: The Conscience of a Conservative Democrat.”

Right off the bat, Sen. Miller acknowledges that his detractors will find that title amusing.

“There will be those who ask, ‘What is this all about, “The Conscience of a Conservative Democrat?”’ I can hear the liberal Washington crowd right now. Gold medalists in the Sneering Olympics, hissing, ‘In the first place, Miller’s no Democrat.’

On the other hand, there are some die-hard Republicans back in Georgia who will break out their choicest cuss words and swear, ‘He’s no conservative.’ And you can bet that some old drinking buddies from many years ago will slap their knees and hoot, ‘What conscience?’”

I have to hand it to ol’ Zig-Zag Zell: That’s a great way for someone whose actions confound so many people to start his book. That first paragraph is engaging and that tone remains through about Chapter Seven, when his anecdotes become less amusing and more like patting himself on the back. Up until then, though, there are many interesting passages about him, his family, the state of Georgia and what happened when he first went to Washington as a U.S. senator.

There’s a particularly funny tidbit about the trend of presidential candidates hiring consultants to help them win over Southern voters.

“Please tell me just how one learns how to campaign in the South. Are they instructed to read old Lewis Grizzard books like “Chili Dogs Only Bark at Night” or Jeff Foxworthy’s “You Might Be a Redneck If …?” Maybe they convene a focus group on the accents of the candidates. Or a kind of debate prep with questions like, which is the larger NASCAR track, Talladega or Bristol? Or, what is George Jones’s nickname, and can you name three of his hit songs? Or, what is a trout line? What is the difference between a violin and a fiddle? Why can’t mules reproduce? Perhaps, instead of a debate, they could hold a contest on who could run a chainsaw the best or who could back a pickup with a bass boat or horse trailer attached.”

Sen. Miller writes exactly as he speaks, so it’s easy to hear that gravelly Southern twang speaking these passages and laugh. As the book progresses, he explains his stance on issues including abortion, gun control, taxes and welfare which seem conservative even for a Republican. And though he says he’s been asked several times, he could never switch parties. “I would no more think of changing parties than I would think of changing my name,” he says. “To change would be like walking on my mother’s grave.”

Despite his explanations, Sen. Miller may remain an enigma to some even after reading the book.

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BITE A Taste of the Islands (and a Little Bit of Home) at Caribbean Experience II

By Amy Fennell Christian

T

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METRO SPIRIT - MARCH 4, 2004

he sign on the front of Caribbean Experience II on Washington Road proudly advertises “authentic Caribbean food.” Walk inside and you’ll be greeted with a menu that includes such exotic dishes as curry goat, oxtail stew, stewed fish and beef patties.

The menu may sound completely foreign, but it’s not. After all, the Caribbean had a big influence on Southern cuisine, so it should come as no big shock to find familiar items like collards, black-eyed peas and mac and cheese on the menu as well.

Familiarity aside, dining at the small storefront that is Caribbean Experience II (the original on Windsor Springs Road is now closed) is still an adventure. First-timers wanting to sit down and enjoy a relaxed meal may initially think they’re out of luck when they walk in to what looks like a take-out spot. And much of the Caribbean Experience II’s business does appear to be take-out — on a recent Friday night there was a steady stream of customers picking up to-go orders.

Peer down a long hallway, however, and you’ll spy a small dining room, painted gold and green (with red chairs to complete the island colors theme), with only four tables.

It’s sole decoration is posters, mostly of beachy travel scenes and Bob Marley — there’s an especially striking one of the reggae legend draped over a chair smoking a cigarette (wink, wink).

Once seated, patrons are given laminated menus that double as placemats and it was during the ordering process that we ran into our first taste of the inconsistencies that make dining at Caribbean Experience II, open since October in this strip-center location that is home to several other restaurants including Kurama, such an adventure. Eager to try the curry goat and fried fish, we found that they were out of both. That left us with the chicken dishes (jerk, curry or stewed), the oxtail stew and the meat pastries (chicken and beef patties) to choose from.

Once we’d settled on the jerk chicken ($7 with two sides) and the beef patty ($1.50), our waiter left us to our drinks, a cloudy iced tea that looked and tasted to have been mixed with fruit juice and a bottled soda we’d picked up in a case up front called Jamaican Kola Champagne that smelled like bubble gum. The tea was a nice change from the ordinary, but the soda was a little too sweet.

Next time, I’d probably go for the homemade tropical punch.

Once our orders were taken, we were left with a bit of a wait. Our only occupations during this time were listening to the clatter from the kitchen and playing “name that tune” with the instrumental reggae versions of popular songs they had playing: reggae musak if you will, although it’s much more pleasant than regular musak.

I was a little puzzled when, about five

minutes before our orders arrived, a waitress brought silverware and plates to the table.

Turns out the Caribbean Experience II serves dinner family-style. And even though we ordered different sides, they all came to the table in the same, generously sized bowls so we could share.

The centerpiece of the meal was the jerk chicken, also served in a bowl that contained mostly drumsticks. I had expected grilled chicken brushed with the jerk seasoning, but this appeared to be slow-cooked and covered with a greenish-colored sauce. The chicken was deliciously tender, and the fiery jerk sauce was perfect when sopped up with the side of roti (the Caribbean equivalent of the Indian flatbread, naan) that I ordered.

The other sides were good as well. The peas and rice looked and tasted similar to the Cajun classic, red beans and rice, but with less sauce, and the collards were a bit different that what we Southerners are accustomed to. Instead of soft and dark green from slow cooking, these were bright green and had none of the typical flavoring (ham hock, etc.) we’re used to.

Crunchy and good, they could have, nonetheless, used a little seasoning. The mac and

cheese, however, rivaled that of any meat and three place in the city.

Service is a little hit-and-miss at Caribbean Experience II. Our glasses went unfilled and our beef patty forgotten. When we brought the latter to our waiter’s attention, however, he appeared with it almost immediately and said we wouldn’t be charged for it. The turnover was good — a yellow, flaky crust which encased a seasoned, but mild, ground beef mixture.

Caribbean Experience II offers a few desserts, including a pineapple turnover and pound cake, but we didn’t make it quite that far. The meal was far too filling.

There seem to be a few bugs to work out when it comes to table service at Caribbean Experience II, but the food is definitely worth going back for. I’ll just call beforehand, though, and make sure they have what I want to order.

Caribbean Experience II is located at 2834 Washington Road, 733-5665. Hours are 11 a.m.-9 p.m. Monday through Saturday, and 1-9 p.m. Sunday. They accept all major credit cards.

in the mix What’s the greatest movie of all time?

“Splash” with Daryl Hannah. Absolutely. It’s my favorite movie. I just love Daryl Hannah and Tom Hanks. Good deal.

Augusta resident for …

Five years. I came from North Augusta, so you might as well say forever.

Since she works most nights, what does she do afterward?

Well, if I get off early, we usually head to Somewhere in Augusta, but if I get off late, there’s not much to do at 2:30 a.m.

Elizabeth’s five-year plan I’d liked to be finished with school in five years — I’m starting back (studying business marketing at Augusta State) in the fall. And buy my own house.

So what kind of food tastes best at 2:30 a.m.?

I’m the biggest 24-hour Wendy’s hog. You can catch me there almost any night at 2:30. I love their double cheeseburgers.

And what does she do during the day?

Go to lunch and play with my dogs. We (she and fiancé Chad) have three dogs and a cat. We actually breed pit bulls. I really don’t do that much — sleep all day, run errands …

Funniest thing that’s ever happened to her at work?

The water gun fight — that was fun. The bartenders started it and every time you picked up a beer you got shot.

Photo by Joe White

What’s the nicest thing anyone’s ever done for her?

For my birthday Chad took me on a trip. We went to the Bahamas, Florida — every place.

Long-term plans?

I’d actually like to own my own bar or restaurant — that’s my whole goal. And Chad is looking into opening a teen club in Augusta.

So would she eventually work for Chad?

I’d probably do like half and half. He says no.

What’s the one thing people generally don’t know about her?

I do a lot of bikini contests and promotional modeling out of state. I have a modeling agency in Florida that represents me. I’m a Hawaiian Tropic girl and a Copenhagen Skoal girl.

The accomplishment she’s most proud of I used to be a competitive dancer and went to the South Carolina Governor’s School for the Arts. I went pretty far with it. I’ve done “The Nutcracker” with the Augusta Ballet and taught for a while.

Elizabeth

Simons

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ART S Augusta Irish Festival Set for March 6-7

By Rhonda Jones

A

ccording to local Irish fiddler Lillie Morris, Irish folk in need of a good stiff drink and a bit o’ political discussion once upon a time met at places called sibins.

(The word is pronounced “she-bean.”) These were secret locations where people could drink illicit whiskey, places they had agreed on prior to meeting and which changed from meeting to meeting. They were under British rule at the time, and so pretty much had to have all their fun in secret.

Those of you familiar with the Augusta Celtic music scene are aware that we have a band here whose name pays homage to that time — Sibin. And they are going to be the featured group at this year’s Irish Festival.

Three of their number — Lillie Morris, Mike Hay and Dan O’Connell — are hooking up with Corner House of Columbia, S.C., a duo consisting of Davey Mathias and Andi Hearn.

Dr. John Fisher will also be on hand to help his friends in Sibin.

Lillie Morris explains how the different groups are able to come together so easily.

“True lovers of Irish music share not only a passion for the music but a kind of family kinship as well, and as members of the same ‘family,’ traditional Irish musicians are always ready to help and encourage one another. Sibin is honored to be sharing the stage with these fine musicians. … We’re proud to introduce them to Augusta’s audience for traditional Irish music and hope that this is just the beginning of a long-term musical alliance.”

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METRO SPIRIT - MARCH 4, 2004

A Bit About the Performers In addition to local festivals like the Augusta Irish Festival, Sibin can be found playing weddings and private parties, as well as playing Tuesday evenings at Metro Coffeehouse. And Fisher can be found there as well — at the Metro, that is. Morris praises his voice and his “uncanny” ability to enter-

tain the audience. “He can be counted on to deliver up some well-known pub favorites to an enthusiastic crowd,” she writes in the notes about Sibin.

Morris, a native of Augusta, started out as a classical violinist. But one day she happened to meet a group of Irish musicians, and that was all she wrote. She jumped right into the pub scene, which at the time included the now-defunct King George (which is where the Tuesday night session was born) and Squeaky’s Tip-Top on Thursday nights. She fiddles, she sings. She even paints, but not generally onstage.

Mike Hay is from Pennsylvania, but has been in Augusta for a decade now. He has quite an amazing story, in that he just decided to take up a musical instrument a few years ago. So he made one, constructing an Irish whistle on a pipe. Eventually, he’d made himself a whole set, and progressed to the Uillean pipes. His

“True lovers of Irish music share not only a passion for the music but a kind of family kinship as well …”

– Lillie Morris, Irish fiddler

wife Joanne attends the Tuesday night Metro sessions with her own instrument in tow — a hand-held upright drum known as the bodhran (pronounced “bo-ron”).

Dan O’Connell, accordion player, is from Listowel, in County Kerry, Ireland. He moved to the States in 1964, and decided he liked it here enough to stay. He learned to play at a young age, according to Morris, but even then, the traditional music of Ireland was dying out.

According to info provided by Sibin, Corner House are great fans of Irish dance music, and have kicked around the Southeast spreading joy, and that includes two tours of the Savannah Irish Festival in 2000 and 2001.

Even More Performers The band Io, named after the goddess daughter of Hera according to the beliefs of the ancient Greeks, will play at the festival

Event: Augusta Irish Festival Venue: Augusta Common Contact: Saturday, March 6 Noon-12:30 – Opening Ceremonies 12:45-1:30 – Augusta Irish Dancers 1:45-3:15 – Sibin 3:30-4:00 – Io 4:15-5:30 – Eubanks Family Fold 5:45-6:15 – Augusta Irish Dancers

also. According to information supplied by festival coordinator Tim Regan, and written by band member Angel Cleary, the band has been together for six months. The other members are Rachel Marchesano and Naomi Matthews.

“We met as staff sergeants in the United States Air Force while stationed at Fort Gordon. Once a month we play at Borders and we frequent open mic night at the Mellow Mushroom. Our range of instrumentation is guitar, banjo, violin, bass guitar, mandolin, piano and clarinet. We play original music as well as Irish traditionals,” wrote Cleary.

These gaelic goddesses may just be on their way to becoming Augusta favorites. This is your chance to come and sample their talent and see for yourself.

Speaking of Augusta favorites — if you’re a fan of Eryn Eubanks and the Family Fold, this talented teenager, her parents Ricie and Patrick, and their friends will be showing their stuff as well.

Between the three of them, they know how to play an amazing number of instruments.

Eryn herself, in addition to singing lead vocals, plays mandolin, resonator mandolin, guitar, mountain dulcimer, dobro, clawhammer banjo, arco upright bass. Her mom, Ricie Eubanks, takes care of harmony vocals, upright bass, tin whistle and flute. Eryn’s dad, Patrick Eubanks, plays the cajon, mountain drum, Turkish dumbeck, bodhran, cymbals, bar chimes, washboard, spoons and castanets.

He’s a regular percussion section.

But music isn’t all that’s on the menu. In addition to that there will be vendors and food: hot dogs, Irish bangers, French fries, fish ‘n’ chips, cottage pie, Irish stew, corned beef sandwiches, Irish scones and Irish whiskey cakes.

6:30-7:15 – IO 7:30-10:00 – Sibin and Corner House Sunday, March 7 Noon-12:45 – Io 1:00-2:30 – Sibin 2:45-3:15 – Suzuki Strings of Augusta 3:30-4:00 – Augusta Irish Dancers 4:15-5:30 – Sibin 5:30-6:00 – Augusta Irish Dancers

arts

Polo Tournament Replaces Harness Race in Aiken Triple Crown

By Rhonda Jones

The Aiken Trials Date: Saturday, March 13 Venue: Aiken Training Track Gates Open: 10:30 a.m.

Post Time: 2 p.m.

Sponsor: The Aiken Jaycees Admission: $8 in advance and $10 at the gate. Children 6 and under admitted free. For tickets call (803) 278-4849 or visit Aiken Saddlery, Southern Saddlery, H. Odell Weeks Center, ORA at SRS, Aiken Drug and Aiken Chamber of Commerce.

Parking: At the gate, parking is $10 infield and outfield. Advance general parking is $5.

Infield rail and outfield rail parking is $75.

Infield Row 2 parking is $60. Outfield Row 2 is $60 and outfield Row 3 parking s $50.

Outfield back rail camper/tent spots are $50.

Contact: (803) 278-4849 or visit www.tixonline.com.

The Aiken Spring Steeplechase Date: Saturday, March 20

Venue: Aiken Training Track Gates Open: 9 a.m.

Post Time: 1 p.m.

Sponsor: The Aiken Steeplechase Association Admission: $10 in advance and $15 at the gate. Children 6 and under are admitted free.

Tickets for the guarantors tent are $75. The tent party will include lunch and an open bar.

Music will be provided by The Headliners.

Ticket locations are Aiken Drug, Aiken Saddlery, Lominick Pharmacy, North Augusta Chamber of Commerce, Plum Pudding, PostNet, Floyd & Green Jewelers, Best Bagels, Ingate Professional Pharmacy, J.M. Greene Fien Jewelry, H. Odell Weeks Activity Center, Regions Bank, Southern Saddlery, Stoplight Deli and Unique Expressions.

Contact: (803) 648-9641 USCA Inaugural Polo Tournament Date: Saturday, March 27 Venue: Powderhouse Polo Field Gates Open: 11 a.m.

Lunch Time: 12:30 p.m.

Start Time: 2 p.m.

Sponsor: USCA Pacer Club and Aiken Polo Club Admission: Tickets for adults are $10.

Tickets for children are $6. Advance tickets are $8 for adults and $5 for children and are available at Aiken Drugs, Floyd & Green, USC Aiken Athletic Department, Lominick Drug Co. and H. Odell Weeks ActivityCenter.

VIP Tent Tickets are $40 each and include food and beverabes in the VIP Tent. For more info, call the USCA Development Office at (803) 641-3408.

Parking: General admission parking is $5 per car. Reserved first row parking is $100 and includes four tickets and programs. All reserve parking is being handled by the USC Aiken Athletic Department.

Contact: (803) 641-3406.

Life is hectic. Weekends shouldn't have to be. Join Scott Simon for Weekend Edition every Saturday at 8:00 AM on WACG, 90.7 FM. Reclaim your Saturday and hear weekend news, views, and commentary. From gardening tips and film reviews to in-depth news analysis, Peabody Award-winning host Scott Simon eases you into the weekend with a fresh perspective.

Photo of Scott Simon by Lisa Berg

T

he Aiken Triple Crown will be a little different this year: Instead of the harness race being in place as the third leg of the event, spectators will enjoy the University of South Carolina Aiken Inaugural Polo Tournament. The word from the USCA press office is that the change came about because fewer and fewer Standardbred horses — the horses that participate in the harness race — are being trained in Aiken. Instead owners and trainers are opting to keep the horses in the Northern states for training. And so, given that, and an increased interest in polo, as well as Bruce McGhee’s plans to privatize McGhee’s Mile Track, planners have chosen to adopt the polo tournament as the third leg of the Aiken Triple Crown.

The USCA press office quotes USCA athletic director Randy Warrick as saying that the tournament will be played by three teams, as a round robin event.

Call us at (800) 654-3038 or visit us at www.gpb.org for more information about our programming.

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Photo Courtesy of The Aiken Steeplechase Association Photo Credit: Larry Gleason

METRO SPIRIT - MARCH 4, 2004

Hours: Tuesday – Saturday 10-5 PM and Sunday 1-5 PM Admission: Adult: $6 • Senior: $5 • Child (6-18): $4 Child (5 & under): Free • Call for Group Information 706-722-8454 www.augustamuseum.org

arts

High Museum Hosts Two African Art Exhibits

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METRO SPIRIT - MARCH 4, 2004

tlanta’s High Museum of Art is preparing to begin not one, but two, exhibits of African art, both of which will run from March 13 to Sept. 19. “Glories of Ancient Egypt” is on loan to the High from the collection at the Museum of Fine Arts in Boston. The other exhibit, “African Gold From the Glassell Collection,” is on loan from the Museum of Fine Arts, Houston.

Carol Thompson, who is the Richman Family Foundation Curator of African Art for the High, took some time to speak with Metro Spirit about the gold exhibit, which she herself curated.

“The exhibition includes about 137 works from the Museum of Fine Arts, Houston, from their collection of Akan gold from West Africa,” she said, adding that the pieces originated primarily in Ghana, but also on the Ivory Coast.

She said that Alfred Glassell, whose name the collection bears, built one of the most important collections of Akan gold in the world. “Certainly the most important in this country,” she said. She added that the entire collection boasts nearly a thousand pieces.

This exhibition, she said, is divided into five sections, with the first focusing on the rise of the Akan state. It contains works from the 15th century to the present, she said.

The second section focuses on “wisdom in gold,” she said. “In Akan cultures the verbal and the visual are very closely related. Proverbs are very important. Proverbs and the spoken-word tradition are very important.”

In fact, she said, if you are familiar with any stories surrounding Anansi the trickster spider, then you are familiar with some of the Akan culture already. (It just so happens that a librarian at John Milledge Elementary School on Eve Street once read a children’s storybook about Anansi to a class of elementary school students of which this writer was a part.)

Art Exhibit: “African Gold From the Glassell Tradition” Host Venue: High Museum of Art, Atlanta, Ga. On Loan From: The Museum of Fine Arts, Houston Dates: March 13 - Sept. 19 Contact: (404) 733-4437 Web: www.high.org

“So when people who understand Akan proverbs visit the exhibition,” she continued, “they can look at a work and know what proverb it refers to. Because of its connection to the spoken-word tradition, the wealth of imagery in Akan work is more vast than in any African sculpture tradition.”

The third segment, she said, is called “Clothed in Gold,” and encompasses Akan royal regalia, such as clothing made from kente cloth. The fourth, she said, deals with Akan influence on their neighbors, and the fifth is about art festivals.

She said the exhibit will feature many large photo journals to let viewers know that, though the Akan culture is an ancient one, it also still survives. And, she said, they still do a lot of work in gold.

“There was almost a kind of Renaissance in Akan goldwork starting in the ‘20s and ‘30s,” she said.

The significance of this exhibit and the Egyptian exhibit, she said, is that it will help familiarize the American public with things about African cultures that they perhaps didn’t realize. For instance, she said, the modern country of Ghana was named after an ancient empire. And, she said, the presence of gold itself may astound some people.

“People also very often don’t think of gold when they think of Africa,” she said. But, she added, the West African kingdoms were actually built on the trans-Saharan gold trade.

Another thing that some people fail to realize, she said, is that the country of Egypt is on the continent of Africa.

“Presenting these two exhibits together with one another is going to amplify the importance of both,” Thompson said.

“Visitors will be able to see the interconnections between these two civilizations.”

Contact the High Museum for reception dates.

Art Exhibit: “Glories of Ancient Egypt” Host Venue: High Museum of Art, Atlanta, Ga. On Loan From: The Museum of Fine Arts, Boston Dates: March 13 - Sept. 19 Contact: (404) 733-4437 Web: www.high.org

By Rhonda Jones

arts

King of Instruments, Instrument of Kings

By Rhonda Jones

Keith Shafer

E

ven though the next Tuesday’s Music Live performance is touted as “The Roy Goodwin Memorial Concert,” the actual contents of the program “have nothing to do with anything memorial,” said Keith Shafer, director of the program, who will also perform in the concert. He will play organ while Fabio Mann plays trumpet.

“A common title for programs of this type is ‘The King of Instruments and the Instrument of Kings,’” he said, with the organ being that kind of instrument due to the sheer size of the thing.

“It’s the largest and has the widest dynamic range,” he said. “Even more than any symphony, the orchestra.”

As for Roy Goodwin, Shafer said, he was a member of the Tuesday’s Music Live board who passed away over the past year or so, and was a huge fan of the organ. “He was a supporter of many of the artistic groups that exist in Augusta, in particular Tuesday’s Music Live.”

“He had a fondness for the organ,” Shafer added. “He played as an amateur.

He loved listening to it. He would come down here and ask if I would play for him. Other times we would let him in and he would sit and play for hours.”

There were never any Roy Goodwin concerts, however, because Goodwin was a bit shy about his musical skills.

“He would say, ‘I won’t play in front of anybody but you,’” Shafer said. “He was not a public performer by any stretch.”

Shafer was amazed, he said, that someone with no formal training, who didn’t read a note of music, could play as well as Goodwin played.

For information, call 706-729-6109

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Contact: (706) 722-3463 to reserve lunch; (706) 724-2485 for info.

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METRO SPIRIT - MARCH 4, 2004 31

Performance: Tuesday’s Music Live presents The Roy Goodwin Memorial Concert.

Stars of the Show: Keith Shafer (organ) and Fabio Mann (trumpet) Time: March 9, 2004. Noon.

Venue: St. Paul’s Church at 6th and Reynolds.

Shafer will be playing his organ alongside Fabio Mann, whom he says is probably the longest-tenure trumpeter in Augusta. “He plays the trumpet very frequently. He’s probably Augusta’s bestknown trumpeter. He and I have been playing together since I came to Augusta 20 years ago.”

One of the neat things about this concert, Shafer said, is the proliferation of trumpets that will be used. For one thing, Mann is going to play the flugelhorn, which Shafer calls “a larger version of the trumpet that has a lower register.” It produces a mellow sound, he said, adding that Mann will also use the C trumpet and the D trumpet.

“We will be playing a repertoire that features the different trumpets that he has,” Shafer said, “He’ll speak a little bit about the trumpets. I’ll probably be speaking about the organ.”

He said that Mann will explain, for example, why a particular trumpet is used with a particular piece of music.

“Many people hear the word ‘trumpet’ and assume it refers to only one instrument. Actually, it refers to many different types.”

But there probably won’t be a whole lot of talking, he said. They only have 25 minutes for the program and frankly, he said, they’d rather be playing.

Kids

Learning

Volunteers

Sports

Calendar Health

Education

Out of Town Music

Special

Benefits Meetings Theater Auditions Exhibitions Attractions MuseumsArts Seniors Dance Arts

on Elkdom Court. Contact Melvis Lovett, 733-3890, or Jean Avery, 863-4186, for information.

Auditions

Music

ENOPION THEATRE COMPANY is looking for volunteers to act, sing, sew, build and more for their new musical, “Creation.”

Applications are available at www.imaryproductions.com or by calling (803) 442-9039.

TRIO AUGUSTA performs at the March 14 installment of Music at the Morris. Program begins at 2 p.m. 724-7501.

CHAMBER JAZZ CONCERT presented by the Augusta Jazz Project and featuring the Kings of Swing will be held March 6, 8 p.m., at the Unitarian Universalist Church. Cost is $15 for adults and $5 for students. 823-0620.

SWEET ADELINES HARMONY RIVER CHORUS OPEN REHEARSAL for singers each Thursday at 7 p.m. at Church of Christ, 600 Martintown Rd. in North Augusta. They are on the lookout for voices in the lower ranges. Contact Stacy Branch at 877-9931.

CLEON MAULDIN MEMORIAL CONCERT 7 p.m. March 14 at the Maxwell Performing Arts Theatre. The Augusta Concert Band will perform. Free admission. For more information, visit www.augustaconcertband.org or call 722-0077.

AUGUSTA CHILDREN’S CHORALE is holding auditions on three Saturdays this spring, beginning in March. For more information, call 826-4718.

TODD AGNEW, with special guests Silers Bald and BarlowGirl, performs March 14, 7 p.m., at Wesley United Methodist Church. Tickets are $7. 869-0888.

THE BEECH ISLAND HISTORICAL SOCIETY is looking for a couple to duplicate a wedding that took place on the Sandbar Ferry Bridge in 1924. Clothing, vintage automobile, media coverage, minister and music will be provided at no cost to the wedding couple. The Historical Society would like the groom to be from Georgia and the bride to be from South Carolina. For more information, contact Joan Harrison at (803) 827-3209 or The Beech Island Historical Society at (803) 867-3600.

FORT GORDON DINNER THEATRE is holding auditions for the May production of “Second Samuel” March 8 and 9 at 7:30 p.m. For more information, call 791-4389.

Education “THE BUSINESS OF ART” CAREER DEVELOPMENT SEMINARS 6 p.m. March 16, 23 and 30. March 16 session covers relationships with galleries and museums; register by March 8. March 23 session covers documenting artwork through traditional and digital photography; register by March 15. March 30 session covers contracts, copyright and intellectual property; register by March 22. Free admission. Call 722-5495.

ISRAELI DANCE WORKSHOP at the Augusta Jewish Community Center Sunday afternoons, 4-5 p.m. Open to teens and adults; no experience or partners are necessary. Cost is $2 per session, with the first session free. For information or to schedule a pre-class beginner/refresher session, contact Jackie Cohen, 738-9016.

METRO SPIRIT - MARCH 4, 2004

ART CLASSES AND WORKSHOPS are offered year-round at the Gertrude Herbert Institute of Art. Classes and workshops are open to toddlers through adults and feature instruction in drawing, painting, photography, pottery, weaving and sculpture. For a newsletter or detailed information on registering for classes at the Gertrude Herbert, call 722-5495. The Gertrude Herbert Institute of Art also offers educational tours; for information, contact the education director at the above telephone number.

ART CLASSES FOR CHILDREN AND ADULTS at the Art Factory. The Art Factory also has a homeschool program and scholarships are available. Programs include painting, pottery, pilates, hip hop and modern dance and more. Classes are held at the Art Factory, 418 Crawford Ave., or at the Augusta Jewish Community Center. Call 731-0008 for details.

32

GERTRUDE HERBERT INSTITUTE OF ART is accepting applications for tuition assistance for spring quarter classes

“BOWFIRE” comes to the Etherredge Center at USC-Aiken March 19 as part of the university’s Cultural Series. Pre-performance lecture at 7:10 p.m.; performance at 8 p.m. (803) 641-3305.

Photo by Joe White

FACULTY ARTIST RECITAL taking place on March 4 at 7:10 p.m. at USC-Aiken’s Etherredge Center. For more information, call (803) 641-3305.

REDBELLY IS ONE OF THE BANDS PARTICIPATING IN THE ANNUAL JENNIFER CLARK SCHOLARSHIP FUND BENEFIT CONCERT, MARCH 5 AT THE IMPERIAL THEATRE.

SPRING CONCERTS AT THE COMMON are held at the Augusta Common March 5, April 9, and May 1 from 7-9 p.m.

For more information, call 821-1754.

through March 19. Spring quarter begins March 13. For more information, contact Amy Etheridge at 722-5495.

FAIRFIELD FOUR WITH THE PAINE COLLEGE CHOIR will perform at the Imperial Theatre on March 6 at 7 p.m. This concert is the first of the “Southern Soul and Song Gospel Series” concerts.

Tickets are $20 each. For more information, call 722-8341.

Exhibitions THE LINDBERGH EXHIBIT comes to the Augusta Museum of History March 6 - May 23. 722-8454.

ART WERGER exhibits at the Mary Pauline Gallery through March 27. Call 724-9542.

“ANNE HEBEBRAND: CURRENT WORKS” on display at the Gertrude Herbert Institute of Art through March 12. Call 7225495.

“TIME AND TIDE,” an exhibition of works by artist Wanda Steppe, will be on display through April 10 at the Rabold Gallery. For more information, call (803) 641-4405.

AIKEN HIGH SCHOOL STUDENT ART SHOW at the upper gallery of the Etherredge Center in Aiken March 8-April 5. For more information, call (803) 641-3305.

MATT WHITFORD will display art at the Etherredge Center lower gallery March 3 through April 2. For more information, call (803) 641-3305.

RICHARD JOLLEY, sculptor of glass, will display works March 6-May 9 at the Morris Museum of Art. For more information, call 724-7501.

25TH ANNUAL AGNES MARKWALTER YOUTH ART COMPETITION to take place March 5-28. Competition will feature works from area public, private and home-school students.

Awards presentation and opening reception held March 10, 4:30-6 p.m. at Ware’s Folly. For more information, contact Amy Etheridge at 722-5495.

“RECENT ACQUISITIONS: AFRICAN-AMERICAN ART IN THE SOUTH” will run at the Morris Museum of Art through March 28. For more information, call 724-7501.

GRADUATING SENIORS ART EXHIBITION at ASU’s Fine Arts Gallery, March 15-April 30. Opening reception is 5:30 p.m.

March 18. Free. For more information, call 737-1878.

Dance STOMP-A-RAMA XIII March 6, 6 p.m., at the ARC Gymnasium. Tickets are $10 in advance and $15 at the door.

Tickets may be purchased at the Paine College Bookstore, All About Music, Pyramid Music and Applebee’s on Wrightsboro Road, or online at www.stepshowonline.com. 495-2427.

THE AUGUSTA INTERNATIONAL FOLK DANCE CLUB meets Thursday evenings at 7:30 p.m. No partners are needed and newcomers are welcome. Call 737-6299 for location and info.

THE DANCES OF UNIVERSAL PEACE held the first Saturday of every month, 7-9 p.m., at the Unitarian Church of Augusta, honor the religious traditions of the world through song and movement. Call (803) 643-0460 for more information.

AUGUSTA CHAPTER OF THE UNITED STATES AMATEUR BALLROOM DANCERS ASSOCIATION holds a dance the first Saturday of each month, from 7:15-11 p.m. Cost is $7 for members and $10 for non-members. Held at the BPOE facility

JENNIFER CLARK TRUST ANNUAL CONCERT, with Redbelly, The Big Mighty, Daze of Haze, Joe Stevenson, Pat Blanchard Band and The Aphrodisiacs performing, will benefit the Jennifer Clark scholarship program. Concert is on March 5 at the Imperial Theatre. Tickets are $10. Call 722-8341 for more information.

“AROUND THE WORLD IN 80 MINUTES” by the Augusta Children’s Chorale will be on March 6 at 8 p.m. at Sacred Heart Cultural Center. Call 826-4713 for more information.

ROY GOODWIN MEMORIAL CONCERT will feature Keith Shafer and Fabio Mann performing music for trumpet and organ on March 9 at noon at St. Paul’s Church. The concert is in the Tuesday’s Music Live series. For more information, call 722-3463.

OPERA WORKSHOP on March 12-13 at 8 p.m. in the Maxwell Performing Arts Theater. For more information, call 737-1878.

ARIEL WINDS perform 8 p.m. March 16 at the Maxwell Performing Arts Theatre as part of the school’s Lyceum Series and the Harry Jacobs Chamber Music Society season. 737-1878.

Theater “MEMORIES OF THE KING” will be presented March 13 at Harlem High School to benefit the American Cancer Society.

Doors open at 6 p.m. and presentation starts at 7 p.m. Tickets

are $15 in advance and $20 at the door. 556-6979.

JAMES GREGORY will perform at the Imperial Theatre March 12, 7:30 and 9:30 p.m. Tickets are $25. Call 722-8341.

“SEE HOW THEY RUN” will be at the Abbeville Opera House March 12-13, 19-20 and 26-27. Call (864) 459-2157 for ticket information.

“THE GIRLS ARE BACK IN TOWN” with Chonda Pierce and Sandi Patty at the Bell Auditorium has been postponed until March 29. Call 1-800-965-9324 for information and ticket prices.

SPECTRUM PLAYERS DRAMA PRODUCTION presented by Davidson Fine Arts School on March 4 and 5 at 4 p.m. in the Beverly J. Barnhart Theater. For more information, call 8236924, ext. 137.

“IT RUNS IN THE FAMILY” will run March 5 and 6 at the Aiken Community Playhouse. For more information, call (803) 648-1438.

“BAD SEED,” presented by the Young Artist Repertory Theatre Company, will run four performances March 4-6 in the Goodwin Commons of Augusta Prepatory Day School.

Performance times are at 8 p.m. on all three days with an additional 3 p.m. performance on March 6. For more information, 210-8915.

“GUILTY UNTIL PROVEN INNOCENT” will be at the Bell Auditorium on March 5 at 8 p.m. For more information, call 722-3521.

Attractions MOTORIZED TOURS OF HISTORIC AIKEN every Saturday, 1011:30 a.m. Tours leave from the Washington Center for the Performing Arts. Reservations are required, and patrons must be age 2 and older. (803) 642-7631.

AUGUSTA CANAL INTERPRETIVE CENTER: Housed in Enterprise Mill, the center contains displays and models focusing on the Augusta Canal’s functions and importance to the textile industry. Hours are Mon.-Sat., 10 a.m.-6 p.m. and Sun., 1-6 p.m. Admission is $5 adult, $4 seniors and military and $3 children ages 6-18. Children under 6 admitted free.

Guided boat tours of the Augusta Canal depart from the docks at Enterprise Mill at 11 a.m., 1:30 p.m. and 3 p.m. Saturdays and Tuesdays and Thursdays at 11 a.m. and 1:30 p.m. Tour tickets are $6 adults, $5 seniors and $4 students and children. For tour information, call 823-7089. For other info, visit www.augustacanal.com or call 823-0440.

The Wellness and Weight Loss Center 677-A North Belair Road • Evans, GA 30809 706-860-0070 www.WellnessWtLoss.com Email: WellnessWtLoss@knology.net

The Wellness and Weight Loss Center

706-860-0070

THE BOYHOOD HOME OF WOODROW WILSON: Circa 1859 Presbyterian manse occupied by the family of President Woodrow Wilson as a child during the Civil War and Reconstruction. Original and period antiques, restored house, kitchen and carriage house. 419 Seventh Street. Open 10 a.m.-5 p.m., Tues.-Sat. Tours available; groups of 10 or more by appointment only. Admission is $5 adults, $4 seniors, $3 students under 18 and free for ages 5 and under. 722-9828.

AUGUSTA GOLF & BOTANICAL GARDENS OF THE GEORGIA GOLF HALL OF FAME features beautiful display gardens, as well as bronze sculptures of some of golf’s greatest masters.

Available for rent for a variety of functions. Group discount rates available. Closed Mondays; open from 9 a.m.-5 p.m.

Tues.-Sat.; open from 1-5 p.m. on Sunday. Admission is $5.50 for adults; $4.50 for students, seniors and military; $3.50 for children (4-12); free for children 3 and under.

Sundays are two for one with a Super Sunday coupon. Annual garden memberships are available. Call 724-4443 or 1-888874-4443. Also, visit their Web site at www.gghf.org.

NATIONAL SCIENCE CENTER’S FORT DISCOVERY: Children and adults alike can immerse themselves in the wonders of science through live demonstrations, virtual realities, Starlab, KidScape and more than 250 hands-on exhibits. General Admission: $8 for adults; $6 for children, seniors and active military. Group rates available. Operating hours: Mon.-Sat., 10 a.m.-5 p.m.; Sunday, noon-5 p.m. Call 821-0200, 1-800-3255445 or visit their Web site at www.NationalScienceCenter.org.

SACRED HEART CULTURAL CENTER is offering tours of its 100-year-old building. Mon.-Fri., 9 a.m.-5 p.m. $1 per person, children free. 826-4700.

HISTORIC COTTON EXCHANGE WELCOME CENTER: Open Mon.-Sat., 10 a.m.-6 p.m.; Sun. 1-5 p.m. Riverwalk. Free. Call 724-4067.

33

THE EZEKIEL HARRIS HOUSE: Deemed “the finest 18th century house surviving in Georgia” by the “Smithsonian Guide to

METRO SPIRIT - MARCH 4, 2004

REDCLIFFE STATE HISTORIC SITE: 1859 mansion of S.C. Governor James Henry Hammond, held by the family for three generations until 1975. Grounds and slave quarters are open Thursday-Monday, 9 a.m.-6 p.m. House tours will be offered at 1, 2 and 3 p.m. Admission to the grounds is free. Fee for house tours is $3 for adults and children ages 6-17. For more information, call (803) 827-1473. 181 Redcliffe Road, Beech Island.

Historic America.” Open Saturday, 10 a.m.-1 p.m. General admission is $2; senior admission is $1 and children get in for 50 cents. For more information, call 724-0436.

“WINGED MIGRATION” will be shown 7 p.m. March 15 in Butler Lecture Hall as part of the Augusta State University Film Series. 737-1444.

Superpetz in Aiken from 11 a.m.-3 p.m., PetsMart in Aiken from 3-6:30 p.m., and PetsMart in Augusta from 4:30-7:30 p.m. For more information, call (803) 279-7003.

Museums

AUGUSTA SHOWCASE, an economic development campaign to market the area to potential business residents, will soon be underway. The Augusta Metro Chamber of Commerce is giving presentations on the effort; contact Tammy Stout, 7228326, ext. 2, to schedule a speaker for your club or civic group.

HEADQUARTERS LIBRARY FILM SERIES on March 8 features “The Killer.” March 15 film is “A Touch of Evil.” Showtimes are at 6:30 p.m. and admission is free. For more information, call 821-2600.

MASTERWORKS OF SOUTHERN ART TOUR 3:30 p.m. March 7 and 14 at the Morris Museum of Art. Call 724-7501 for information.

TOUCH OF GLASS GALA at the Morris Museum of Art 7 p.m.

March 5. Call 724-7501 for information.

“TERRA COGNITA: CONTEMPORARY ARTISTS LECTURE SERIES” at the Morris Museum of Art March 18 features artist Richard Jolley. Lecture begins at 7 p.m. Admission is free for Morris Museum members and university students and faculty with ID; $3 for adults; and $2 for seniors, military personnel and students. Call 724-7501.

ANTIQUES AND COLLECTIBLES APPRAISAL DAY March 13, 10 a.m.-5 p.m. at the Morris Museum of Art. Cost is $10 per item appraised; Morris Museum members pay $25 for three appraisals. Limit of six items. 724-7501.

THE GERTRUDE HERBERT INSTITUTE OF ART in Ware’s Folly exhibits works by local and regional artists. Art classes, workshops and other educational programming for children, youth and adults are held in the Walker-Mackenzie Studio. Open Tuesday-Friday, 10 a.m.-5 p.m. and Saturday by appointment only. Admission is free, but a donation of $2 for adults and $1 for children and seniors is encouraged. Call 722-5495 or visit www.ghia.org for more info.

“SUCCESS COLUMBIA COUNTY STYLE” networking event presented by the Columbia County Chamber of Commerce will be held March 15 at the University Hospital Medical Office Building in Evans. Free to chamber members and $5 for nonmembers. Reservations are requested; contact Terra Carroll at 651-0018.

GREYHOUND MEET AND GREET with GreytHound Love Greyhound Adoption March 13, 11 a.m.-3 p.m. at PetsMart.

For more information, visit www.greythoundlove.org or call Jeanne McGee, 796-1708.

“ROVING THE RED PLANET” presentation at Dupont Planetarium in Aiken March 5-6 and 19-20. Showtimes are 7 and 8 p.m. Tickets are $4.50 for adults, $3.50 for senior citizens, $2.50 for K-12 students and $1 for USC-Aiken faculty, staff and students. (803) 641-3769.

GEM, MINERAL AND FOSSIL SHOW March 12-14 at Julian Smith Casino. Admission is $3. Contact Constance Barrow of the Aiken and Augusta Gem and Mineral Societies at 5470178 for information.

NOMINATIONS FOR GIRL SCOUT WOMEN OF EXCELLENCE are due March 5. Nominations in the areas of arts, business, community services, education, government, health and professions are accepted. For more information, or to receive a nomination form, call 774-0505.

Out of Town “MY FAIR LADY” will be presented by the Alliance Theatre Company in Atlanta through Feb. 29. For tickets and information, call (404) 733-5000.

“FERDINAND THE BULL” will be presented by Alliance Children’s Theatre at the 14th Street Playhouse in Atlanta through March 7. Call (404) 733-4600 or visit www.alliancetheatre.org.

AT THE GEORGIA MUSEUM OF ART in Athens, Ga.: “Myths and Metaphors: The Art of Leo Twiggs” through March 28, “Leaving for the Country: George Bellows at Woodstock” through May 16, and “Landscape and Laughter: British Watercolors from the West Foundation Collection” through April 1. Visit www.uga.edu/gamuseum or call (706) 542-4662 for info.

“SHE SPEAKS II” event March 9, 7 p.m., features readings of poetry, biographical essays and short fiction, as well as an open mic session. Held in the first-floor student conference room of Washington Hall. Contact Pamela Hayward, 729-2048.

“RACHEL’S DAUGHTERS,” a documentary about breast cancer activists, will be shown March 8, 7 p.m., in Butler Lecture Hall as part of the ASU Film Series and celebration of National Women’s History Month. Call Pamela Hayward, 729-2048, for additional information.

THE ANNUAL “SPRINGTIME MADE IN THE SOUTH” SHOW IS PACKED WITH UNIQUE CRAFT ITEMS. SHOW IS MARCH 5-7 AT THE AUGUSTA-RICHMOND COUNTY CIVIC CENTER.

JOHN TUTTLE comes to USC-Aiken March 16 as part of the James Oswald Distinguished Writers Series. Held 8 p.m. at the Etherredge Center. (803) 641-3305.

“WHO’S AFRAID OF VIRGINIA WOOLF?” March 17-April 18 at the Alliance Theatre Company’s Alliance Stage in Atlanta.

(404) 733-5000.

ST. PATRICK’S DAY CELEBRATION March 17, 11 a.m.-10 p.m. at Augusta Common. Live entertainment, children’s activities, dance demonstrations and more. Call 821-1754.

AT THE HIGH MUSEUM OF ART in Atlanta: “The Undiscovered Richard Meier: The Architect as Designer and Artist” through April 4; “Flashes of Memory: Paintings by Linda Anderson” through March 20; “Glories of Ancient Egypt,” March 13-Sept.

19; and “African Gold From the Glassell Collection,” March 13Sept. 19. There will also be an African Film Showcase Fridays at 8 p.m. throughout March. Call (404) 733-HIGH or visit www.high.org for information.

MCDUFFIE FRIENDS OF ANIMALS holds pet adoptions each Saturday, 1-3 p.m. at Superpetz on Bobby Jones Expressway.

Call 556-9090 or visit www.petfinder.com.

COLUMBIA COUNTY HUMANE SOCIETY holds pet adoptions every Saturday from 11 a.m.-3 p.m. and every Sunday from 1-4 p.m. at PetsMart. For more info, call 860-5020.

“LEAP” makes its world premiere March 5-April 11 on the Hertz Stage in Atlanta. Call (404) 733-5000 for ticket info.

HQHA QUARTER HORSE SHOW March 5-7 at the Agricenter in Perry, GA. For more information, call 227-2159.

“WOMEN AND READING” presentation March 11, 7 p.m., in the Reese Room on the second floor of Reese Library at ASU. For more info, call Pamela Hayward, 729-2048.

SANDHILLS WRITERS CONFERENCE begins March 18, 11 a.m., in Room 101 of Galloway Hall at Augusta State University. Free reading for the public 10 p.m. at Le Café du Teau. Free readings on March 19 and awards presentation March 20. 737-1500.

THE CSRA HUMANE SOCIETY holds pet adoptions every Saturday from 10 a.m.-4 p.m. and every Wednesday evening from 5:30-7:30 p.m. at the Pet Center located behind the GreenJackets Stadium on Milledge Rd. 261-PETS.

THOMASVILLE ANTIQUES SHOW AND SALE will take place March 5-7 in Thomasville, GA. For more information, call (229) 225-9354.

PEACE RALLY AND CANDLELIGHT VIGIL March 20 at the Army Reserve office at Wrightsboro and North Leg Roads. Peace rally will be held from noon-1 p.m. and candlelight vigil will be held from 7-9 p.m. Participants may bring signs, poetry and the names of loved ones. Call 736-4738 for additional information.

SPRINGTIME MADE IN THE SOUTH will be at the Augusta Civic Center March 5-7, 10a.m.-6p.m.-6 on Friday and Saturday, and 11a.m.-5p.m. on Sunday. Admission is $5. For more information, contact Russ Hunt at 847-9480.

METRO SPIRIT - MARCH 4, 2004

BINGO BLAST to benefit the Jud C. Hickey Center for Alzheimer’s Care March 12, 2-4 p.m., at Elmcroft of Martinez Assisted Living. Call 855-6565 or 738-5039 for information.

“AN EVENING IN MONTE CARLO” will be held by the Augusta Junior Women’s Club March 13 to benefit area charities. Held at the Bel Air Conference Center. Tickets are $50 per couple or $35 per individual. Call 869-8936.

ST. PATRICK’S DAY BENEFIT DINNER March 13, 7 p.m., at Vineyard Café to benefit Mercy Ministries Day Center for the Homeless and the Children’s Program at Allen Homes. Call 863-1464.

AUGUSTA BALLET MERCEDES RAFFLE: The Augusta Ballet will raffle off a 2004 Mercedes CLK 320 Cabriolet during May’s First Friday celebration. Tickets are $100 each and may be purchased through the Ballet office at 261-0555.

“A TASTE OF SOMETHING WILD,” a benefit for the Augusta Alzheimer’s Association will feature the Augusta area’s largest wild-game tasting event and soiree on Mar. 6 from 5:30-8:30 at the Julian Smith Barbecue Pit on Lake Olmstead. For more information, contact Frank Spears at 860-1233.

RICHMOND COUNTY ANIMAL CONTROL AND AUGUSTA ANIMAL RESCUE FRIENDS hold pet adoptions at Superpetz off Bobby Jones Expressway every Sunday from 1-4 p.m. Call AARF at 364-4747 or visit www.aarf.net. Adoptions also held at the Richmond County Animal Control Shelter, Tues.-Sun., 15 p.m. Call the shelter at 790-6836.

34

MARCH OF DIMES AUGUSTA CHEF’S AUCTION March 11, 69 p.m. at the Radisson Riverfront hotel. For more information, contact Peter Schultz, 733-8438.

AMERICAN RED CROSS BLOOD DRIVES at the Aiken Red Cross Blood Center on Millbrook Drive and the Augusta Red Cross Blood Center on Pleasant Home Road. The bloodmobile will also stop at various area locations this week. For a complete list, call the Aiken Blood Center at (803) 642-5180 or the Augusta Blood Center at 868-8800.

THE MUSEUM OF LAUREL AND HARDY OF HARLEM, GEORGIA features displays of various Laurel and Hardy memorabilia; films also shown. Located at 250 N. Louisville Street in downtown Harlem. Open 1-4 p.m. Thursday-Monday. For more information, call 556-3448.

“WRITING ABOUT WOMEN” program in celebration of National Women’s History Month features speaker Louise Shivers, author of “Here To Get My Baby Out of Jail” and ASU writer-in-residence. Program takes place 7 p.m. March 10 in the first-floor student conference room of Washington Hall. For more information, contact Pamela Hayward, 729-2048.

HIV/AIDS WALK begins 8 a.m. March 13 at the Lucy Craft Laney Museum. There will be a brief program after the walk. A voter registration drive will also be held. For more information, contact Kim Gaines, 738-4597, or Monique Walker, 722-4222.

SHEPEARD COMMUNITY BLOOD CENTER BLOOD DRIVES in various locations around the CSRA this month. For detailed information on locations and times to donate, visit www.shepeardblood.org. You may also call Susan Edwards at (803) 6437996 for information on Aiken locations and Nancy Szocinski at 737-4551 for information on all other locations.

THE MORRIS MUSEUM OF ART hosts exhibitions and special events year-round. Open Tuesday-Saturday, 10 a.m.-5 p.m. and Sundays, noon-5 p.m. Closed on Mondays and major holidays. 1 Tenth Street, Augusta. Call 724-7501 or visit www.themorris.org for details.

Special Events

Benefits

AUGUSTA-RICHMOND COUNTY ANIMAL CONTROL is in need of dog and cat food, cat litter and other pet items, as well as monetary donations to help pay for vaccinations. Donations accepted during regular business hours, Tues.-Sun., 1-5 p.m. at the shelter, 4164 Mack Lane. Call 790-6836 for information.

THE AUGUSTA MUSEUM OF HISTORY hosts permanent exhibition “Augusta’s Story,” an award-winning exhibit encompassing 12,000 years of local history. For the younger crowd, there’s the Susan L. Still Children’s Discovery Gallery, where kids can learn about history in a hands-on environment. The museum also shows films in the History Theatre and hosts a variety of programs. Located at 560 Reynolds Street. Open TuesdaySaturday, 10 a.m.-5 p.m. and Sunday 1-5 p.m. Admission is $4 adult, $3 seniors, $2 kids (6-18 years of age) and free for children under 6. Free admission on Sundays. Call 722-8454 or visit www.augustamuseum.org for more information.

LUNCH AT NOON LECTURE SERIES held the second Wednesday of every month at the Lucy Craft Laney Museum of Black History, 11:30 a.m.-12:30 p.m. Call the museum at 724-3576 for more information.

7 at 2 p.m. The exhibition runs through March 5. For more information, call (912) 927-5381.

MOLLY’S MILITIA holds pet adoptions each Saturday at

SOUTHERN SPRING HOME AND GARDEN SHOW will take place through March 7 in Charlotte, N.C. For more information, contact Southern Shows at (704) 376-6594.

“A MIDSUMMER NIGHT’S DREAM,” presented by the New American Shakespeare Tavern in Atlanta, will run March 6-April 4. For more information, call (404) 874-5299.

“AN ARTISTIC DISCOVERY”: Armstrong Atlantic State University in Savannah hosts a gallery reception for the annual U.S. Congressional District High School Juried Art Exhibition on March

JUNIOR LEAGUE OF AUGUSTA’S 52ND ANNUAL ATTIC SALE will take place on March 6, 7 a.m.-1 p.m. at the Augusta Exchange Club Fairgrounds. Admission is free. All proceeds benefit the Junior League of Augusta. For more information, call 736-0033.

Learning COLLEGE HELP FOR HOME-SCHOOLERS SEMINAR March 15, 6:30 p.m., at the Radisson Riverfront Hotel. For more information or to register, contact cpeterson@piedmont.edu or call 1-800-277-7020 by March 8.

USC-AIKEN CONTINUING EDUCATION offers Paralegal Certificate Course, Taming the Wild Child, Conversational French, Italian, Spanish for the Beginner, Sign Language, DebtFree Living and more. Travelearn learning vacations for adults and Education to Go online courses also available. For info, phone (803) 641-3563.

CULLUM LECTURE SERIES, “South Asia: On a Tryst With Destiny,” continues on March 9, when Dr. Mary McCormack will present commentary at 11:30 a.m., followed by the first half of the film, “A Passage to India.” The second half of the film will be presented at 7 p.m. that evening. On March 15, Nritaya Malika will perform in the Maxwell Performing Arts Theater from 7:30-9, and on March 18, there will be an International Festival. Visit www.aug.edu/library/cullum2004 or call Michael Bishku, 737-1709, or Jeff Heck, 667-4905.

AUGUSTA STATE UNIVERSITY CONTINUING EDUCATION is now offering the following classes: Shag, Ballroom, Line Dance, Beginning and Intermediate Language courses, Interior Design, Acting Workshop, Stained Glass, SAT Review, Power Yoga, Photography, Origami and more. Also, ASU offers online courses. For more information, call 737-1636 or visit www.ced.aug.edu.

AIKEN TECH CONTINUING EDUCATION offers the following courses: computer technology courses, healthcare courses, contractor programs, real estate courses and more. Aiken Tech also offers Education to Go classes online. For more information or to register, call (803) 593-9231, ext. 1230.

Ann Augustaa Original

METRO SPIRIT - MARCH 4, 2004

F R E E M O N T H LY

35

!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Voted Best Steak In Augusta For 15 Years

Don’t pay designer prices ...

Design it yourself.

1987-2002

GED classes are offered by the Community Resource Center.

Tuition is free. Call 722-4999 for more information.

SERVICE CORPS OF RETIRED EXECUTIVES (SCORE) provides counseling and mentoring to business people either starting or continuing their business. Counseling is free and administered by retired executives. For more information, call 7939998.

SEMINAR WITH HORTICULTURALIST TOM RAPP scheduled for March 6 at 9 a.m. at Newberry Hall in Aiken. Cost is $20.

For more information, call (803) 649-2221.

Glass Beads • Swarovski Crystals • Vintage Glass Semi-Precious Stones • Classes “Augusta’s only full service bead store.”

YaYa a Beads Beadingg Supplies

2856 Washington Rd. 73-STEAK 1654 Gordon Hwy. 796-1875

Behind Applebee's on Washington Rd. 651-1147 • www.yayabeads.com Tues-Fri 10-6 • Sat 10-5

Health “BETTER BRAINS FOR BABIES,” a class in the “Better Living in Augusta” series, will take place on March 9 and 11 from 6:30-8 p.m. at MCG’s Children’s Medical Center, room BT 1810. For more information, call 721-5437.

“ATTENTION DEFECIT HYPERACTIVITY DISORDER: ASK THE EXPERT,” seminar by William E. Pelman, Ph.D., will take place at the MCG Children’s Medical Center, room BT 1810 on March 11 from 3-4:30 p.m.

!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

“GROWING UP FOR GIRLS” workshop for preteen girls and a female role model covers how bodies change during puberty.

The program takes place March 9, 6-8 p.m., at the conference center at the MCG Children’s Medical Center. Free and open to the public. Register by calling 721-KIDS. MCG HEALTH SYSTEM/AMERICAN RED CROSS FAMILY HEALTH FAIR will be held March 13, 8 a.m.-2 p.m. in the gymnasium of Abilene Baptist Church. Free health screenings, information, children’s activities and more. For additional information, visit www.MCGHealth.org.

ANGELS HAVE WHEELS: Medicare recipients suffering from conditions such as arthritis, cardiovascular disease and respiratory disorders who have difficulty walking or propelling a standard wheelchair may be eligible to receive an electric wheelchair. For information on eligibility, call Gregory at 1800-810-2877.

AUGUSTA BRAIN INJURY SUPPORT GROUP meets the second Thursday of every month, 6 p.m., at Walton West TLC. Brain injury survivors and their family members and caregivers are invited to attend. 737-9300.

• Large private courtyard with fountain accessible from main room • Centrally located in historic downtown Augusta • On site catering by Roux’s Gourmet Catering • Reception capacity - 300 people • We handle all the details!

• Please call for more information • Open to all licensed caterers

36

METRO SPIRIT - MARCH 4, 2004

• Augusta’s most unique gathering place

Professionally managed by

www.rouxscatering.com

Roux's Gourmet Catering

1244 Jones Street Downtown Augusta 724-2218

1257 Broad St. 724-1250

with a paid adult. 823-7089.

“THE LITTLE RED HEN” will be presented March 18 at 9, 10 and 11 a.m. at the Maxwell Performing Arts Theatre. Tickets are $3 per person and seating is on a first come, first served basis. Contact the ASU Born To Read Literacy Center at 7337043 for information.

CHILD SAFETY SEAT INSPECTIONS by SAFE KIDS of East Central Georgia and the MCG Children’s Medical Center on the first Wed. and Fri. of each month, by appointment only. To make an appointment or for more information, call 651-9300 (Wed. appointments) or 721-KIDS (Fri. appointments). SAFE KIDS also sponsors car seat installation education workshops; the next is March 15, 9-11 a.m., at the MCG Children’s Medical Center. Call 721-KIDS. AIKEN COUNTY PONY CLUB meets weekly. Open to children of all ages who participate or are interested in equestrian sports. For more information, contact Lisa Smith at (803) 6493399.

GIRLS INCORPORATED OF THE CSRA AFTER-SCHOOL PROGRAM runs through May 21. Open to girls currently enrolled in kindergarten through high school. In addition to offering specialized programs, Girls Incorporated offers van pick-up at select schools, neighborhood drop-off, homework room and a hot evening meal. For information, call 733-2512.

WEEKLY STORY SESSIONS at all branch libraries. Visit www.ecgrl.public.lib.ga.us for more information.

FIRST SATURDAY STORYTELLING at the Lucy Craft Laney Museum. In addition, there is a tour of the museum. Held 10 a.m.-noon the first Saturday of the month. Call 724-3576.

YOUR CHILD’S NUTRITION, a presentation by MCG Nutritionist Karen Cota, will take place on March 4 in the Family Resource Center of the MCG Children’s Medical Center.

Call 721-5437 for more information.

STORYTIME IN THE GARDENS will take place Tuesdays at 4 p.m. in March and May in Hopeland Gardens. For more information, call (803) 642-7631.

2004 PROJECT LINK COMMUNITY LECTURE SERIES on March 4 will be “Summer Programs and Options for After School Care for Children with Special Needs” in the MCG Children’s Medical Center Conference Center, room 1810 from 6:30-8 p.m. Call 721-5437 for more information.

CHRONIC PAIN SUPPORT GROUP meets the first Thursday of every month, 10:30-11:30 a.m. at Walton Rehabilitation Hospital. 823-5294.

WEE WISDOM, an educational program for children under 5, presents “The First Years Last Forever” on March 11, and “Encouraging Language for Children with Special Needs” on March 18. All lectures are from noon-1 p.m. in the Resource Library on the first floor of the Children’s Medical Center. For more information or to register, call 721-5437.

WALTON REHABILITATION HOSPITAL AMPUTEE CLINIC for new and experienced prosthetic users meets the third Thursday of each month, 1-3 p.m. 722-1244.

Seniors

WALTON REHABILITATION HOSPITAL offers a number of health programs, including Fibromyalgia Aquatics, Water Aerobics, Wheelchair and Equipment Clinics, Therapeutic Massage, Yoga, Acupuncture, Children’s Medical Services Clinic, Special Needs Safety Seat Loaner Program., Focus on Healing exercise class for breast cancer survivors and more.

Call 823-5294 for information.

AARP TAX ASSISTANCE provided through April 13 at Friedman Branch Library on Thursdays, 9 a.m.-1 p.m.; Maxwell Branch Library Tuesdays and Fridays, 10 a.m.-2 p.m.; and at the Gibbs Memorial Library Tuesdays, 10 a.m.-2 p.m.

Call the Friedman Branch at736-6758, the Maxwell Branch at 793-2020 or the Gibbs Memorial Library at 863-1946 for more information.

THE MCG BREAST CANCER SUPPORT GROUP meets the first Thursday of every month at 7 p.m. and provides education and support for those with breast cancer. For information, call 721-1467.

UNIVERSITY SENIORS CLUB has moved to a new location at 4106 Columbia Rd. University Seniors Club offers health screenings, support groups, health education classes and social activities. For more information, call 868-3231 or 1800-413-6652.

DIET COUNSELING CLASSES for diabetics and those with high cholesterol at CSRA Partners in Health, 1220 Augusta West Parkway. Free. Call 860-3001 for class schedule.

UNIVERSITY HEALTH CARE SYSTEM COMMUNITY EDUCATION holds workshops, seminars and classes on a variety of topics: weight and nutrition, women’s health, cancer, diabetes, seniors’ health and more. Support groups and health screenings are also offered. Call 736-0847 for details.

Kids DORA THE EXPLORER LIVE March 16-17 at the Bell Auditorium. Tickets are $14-$37. Call 722-3521 for info.

CHILDREN’S PERFORMANCE SERIES: GLASSBLOWING DEMONSTRATION March 13 at the Morris Museum of Art. Program held from 2-4 p.m. 724-7501.

FAMILY SUNDAY: DRAWING WITH THE ARTISTS program 2 p.m. March 7 at the Morris Museum of Art features family-oriented tour of Richard Jolley exhibition followed by a hands-on workshop led by Jolley and his wife, artist Tommie Rush. Call 724-7501.

FAMILY FUNDAY March 14 at the Augusta Canal Interpretive Center. From 2-4 p.m., children will learn the basics of weaving by making potholders. Children receive free admission

HOME-BASED CARE available for low- to mid-income families seeking alternatives to nursing home placement. To participate, individuals must be aged 60 or up or must have disability status as defined by Social Security Administration guidelines. Applicants must also meet program income guidelines. For more information, contact the CSRA Area Agency on Aging at 210-2018 or 1-888-922-4464.

WALTON REHABILITATION HOSPITAL offers Arthritis Aquatics and People With Arthritis Can Exercise. Call 823-5294 for information.

SENIOR VOLUNTEERS NEEDED for the new visitor center at Phinizy Swamp Nature Center to greet visitors, hand out literature and sell merchandise. Volunteers are asked to commit one Saturday or Sunday per month, 9 a.m.-1 p.m. or 1-5 p.m.

Call 828-2109 for information.

AIKEN PARKS AND RECREATION offers a multitude of programs for senior adults, including bridge clubs, fitness classes, canasta clubs, line dancing, racquetball, arts and crafts, tennis and excursions. For more information, call (803) 6427631.

THE ACADEMY FOR LIFELONG LEARNING offers lectures, courses, field trips, discussion groups and community information seminars on a variety of topics to mature adults. For more information, contact the USC-Aiken Office of Continuing Education at (803) 641-3288.

THE SENIOR CITIZENS COUNCIL OF GREATER AUGUSTA AND THE CSRA offers a variety of classes, including ballroom dance, aerobics, quilting, tai chi, Spanish, line dancing, bowling, bridge, computers, drama club/readers theatre and pinochle. For dates and times, phone 826-4480.

SENIORNET provides adults age 50 and over education for and access to computer technology. Many different courses are offered. Contact the USC-Aiken Continuing Education Office at (803) 641-3563.

SENIOR VOLUNTEERS NEEDED for new Docent Training Program at the historic home of Nicholas Ware. Learn the fascinating history of Ware’s Folly and the families who lived there. All interested should call 722-5495.

Sports

Meetings CSRA WRITERS meets March 9, 6:30 p.m., at Barnes & Noble Booksellers. Writers in need of a support group are invited to attend and bring eight copies of a manuscript for critique.

Contact Lela Turnbull at 738-4114 for information.

AMERICAN SINGLES GOLF ASSOCIATION meets the second Thursday of each month at different area restaurants. Meeting is free, but dinners are individually ordered. For more information, call (803) 441-6741.

RICHMOND COUNTY GREEN PARTY ANNUAL MEETING will view the film “Global Village or Global Pillage” on March 4, 6:30 p.m. at the Main Library downtown. For more information, call 821-2600.

AUGUSTA BMX RACE March 13 at the Wood Street BMX track. Practice and registration 6:30-7:30 p.m. and racing begins at 8 p.m. Open practice held every Friday night, 7-9 p.m. For more information, call Phillip Hart, 592-5404.

GREATER COLUMBIA COUNTY REPUBLICAN WOMEN meets on the first Thursday of each month at Dye’s Southern Grille from 7-8:30 p.m. For more information, contact Teri North at 854-8470.

AIKEN TRIALS March 13. Tickets are $8 in advance or $10 the day of the race. To charge by phone, call (803) 278-4TIX. CLOVERLEAF DUATHLON March 13 at the Family Y Marshall Branch. For more information, contact Donna Pope, 364-3269.

AUGUSTA CAVEMASTERS, a regional club for those interested in cave exploration and conservation of cave-related resources, meets the first Thursday of each month at 7 p.m. at the Warren Road Community Center. For more information, call (803) 278-2751.

THE HARLEM GLOBETROTTERS will be at the AugustaRichmond County Civic Center March 12, 7:30 p.m. Tickets are $13-$41. Call 722-3521.

CSRA VW CLUB meets every first Friday at the corner of 6th and Reynolds, behind the train depot. For more information, visit www.csravwclub.org. New Beetles welcomed.

THE AUGUSTA LYNX play home games March 13-14, 19-21 and April 1. For tickets, call 724-4423 or visit www.augustalynx.com.

FIRST FRIDAY GREAT DANE PARADE on the first Friday of every month at 7 p.m. in front of the Metro Coffeehouse.

Contact Tonia Thomas at 294-3724 for more information.

FAMILY Y YOUTH SPORTS REGISTRATIONS for soccer school, flag football and flag football cheer squad through March 12.

738-6680.

WOMEN ON WHEELS, a group for uniting women motorcycle enthusiasts, meets on the second Tuesday of each month at 6:30 p.m. for dinner, with meetings beginning at 7:30. For more information, call 855-7375.

FAMILY Y YOUTH SOCCER REGISTRATION through March 12 at Southside Branch. Call 738-6678, 364-3669 or 738-6680 for details.

FAMILY Y RECREATIONAL GYMNASTICS session held March 8-May 14. Classes available for toddlers through teens. Call 738-6678.

HISTORY BOOK DISCUSSION GROUP meets at the Augusta History Museum on March 9 at 11 a.m. For more information, call 821-2604.

Weekly

THE AUGUSTA VOLLEYBALL ASSOCIATION is looking for new members. For more information, visit www.augustavolleyball.com.

OVEREATERS ANONYMOUS meets every Sunday night, 7:30 p.m., at Holy Trinity Lutheran Church in North Augusta. For more information, call 278-5156.

THE AUGUSTA RUGBY CLUB is always looking for new members. Teams available for women and men; no experience necessary. Practice is Tuesday and Thursday nights, 7-9 p.m. at Richmond Academy. For more information, call Don Zuehlke, 495-2043, or e-mail augustarfc@yahoo.com. You may also visit www.augustarugby.org.

NAR-ANON FAMILY GROUP for relatives and friends of drug abusers. No dues or fees. The group meets Mondays at 7 p.m. Call for location. For information, contact Josie, 414-5576, or Lionel, 860-0302.

VOLLEYBALL OPEN GYM will be held Wednesday nights in March and April in the H.O. Weeks Center from 7-9:15 p.m.

For more information, call (803) 642-7631.

AUGUSTA FLYERS TRACK CLUB invites area youth ages 7-18 to join the team. Registration is through May 15; practice begins March 13. For more information, contact George Taylor at 738-3737.

HOCKEY SCHOOL CLINICS AND LEAGUE, sponsored by the Family Y, are to take place all throughout March for ages 4-6, 7-12 and teens. For more information, contact Donna Pope at 364-3269.

SECOND ANNUAL FESTIVAL OF HORSES in Aiken will be on March 6 at various locations in the Aiken area. The festival will celebrate the beauty of horses, historic stables and famous racetracks. For more information or a schedule of events, call (803) 649-6540.

AUGUSTA ROWING CLUB sports and fitness fair held at the boathouse on March 6 from 10 a.m.-2 p.m. There will be a bachelor auction held at the Modjeska Lounge later that evening. For more information, contact Brenda Cole at 8559710.

VOLLEYBALL CLASSES FOR KIDS take place on Mondays March 8-April 19 from 6-7:30 p.m. at the H.O. Weeks Center in Aiken. Call (803) 642-7631 for more information.

SPRING SOFTBALL ROSTERS DUE for Citizens Park leagues on March 17. For more information, call (803) 642-7761.

ALCOHOLICS ANONYMOUS: For more information and a meeting schedule, call 860-8331.

NARCOTICS ANONYMOUS: If you want to stop using any drugs, there is a way out. Help is available at no cost. Call the Narcotics Anonymous help line for information and meeting schedules at 855-2419.

SEXAHOLICS ANONYMOUS, a 12-step program of recovery from addiction to obsessive/compulsive sexual thoughts and behaviors, meets Wednesdays at 8 p.m. at Christ Church Unity, 2301 Central Ave. Call 339-1204 and leave first name and phone number; a confidential reply is assured.

AUGUSTA TOASTMASTERS CLUB #326 meets each Thursday at 7:30 p.m. at Advent Lutheran Church in Martinez. Learn communication and leadership skills.

For more information, call 868-8431.

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Drawings for GUIDELINES: Public service announcements are listed in this section without charge at the discretion of the editor. Announcements must be received by Monday at noon and will be included as space permits. Send to Events, Metro Spirit, P.O. Box 3809, Augusta, GA 30914 or fax (706) 733-6663. You may also e-mail listings to rhonda.jones@metrospirit.com or lisa.jordan@metrospirit.com. Listings cannot be taken over the phone.

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METRO SPIRIT - MARCH 4, 2004

ROCK CLIMBING DROP-IN CLASSES will begin March 5 at 5:30 p.m. for beginning climbers and at 6:30 p.m. for advanced climbers at the climbing wall at Virginia Acres Park in Aiken. Call (803) 642-7631 for more information.

GAMBLERS ANONYMOUS meets Thursdays, 7:30 p.m., in the basement of Fairview Presbyterian Church. 1-800313-0170.

THE YOUNG ARTISTS’ REPERTORY THEATRE PRESENTS “THE BAD SEED” MARCH 4-6.

Bomb Epic

Hollywood

Flix Must-See

Boring

Comedy Sleeper Oscar Pick Director Stars This Rocks Famous Silly

Awesome

Action

Along Came Polly (PG-13) — Ben Stiller has pungent moments of frenzy as insurance risk appraiser Reuben Feffer, panicked in the powder room of Polly (Jennifer Aniston), desperate for some paper and reduced to using her favorite new toiletry utensil. But the script could use a few extra flushes. He wants to impress Polly, ace Village gal whom Aniston sustains with her special combo of daffy-chick looseness and wisecracking sense. The movie is best when they're on-screen, fidgeting with romance. "Along Came Polly" has, by current standards of go-for-it mall comedy, regularity. You can laugh or wince or do both in sync, but you'd have to invoke the standards of a previous era to get genuinely offended by it (to be deeply amused, you'd need no standards). Cast: Ben Stiller, Jennifer Aniston, Philip Seymour Hoffman, Alec Baldwin, Bryan Brown, Debra Messing, Hank Azaria. Running time: 1 hr., 30 mins. (Elliott) !!

Bad Santa (R) — For very jaded kids and adults already sick of the holiday season but needing a cup of bile nog. If that is you, there is amusing alienation from Billy Bob Thornton as an alcoholic thief and cranky department store Santa, Tony Cox as his rancid "elf" and Bernie Mac, Cloris Leachman and the late John Ritter, directed with zip plot but a jingle of crass flippancy by Terry "Crumb" Zwigoff. Running time: 1 hr., 33 mins. (Elliott) !!1/2

Barbershop 2: Back in Business (PG-13) — Ice Cube runs

the roots-deep Calvin Jr.'s Barbershop on Chicago's South Side. Again, more talk rises than hair falls, though the scissors team from the 2002 hit have a

new worry, a slick rival across the way. The best laughs come from Cedric the Entertainer as Eddie, with a broad beam and a ‘do to match. Eddie isn't quite so rife with the riffs that won the first movie a little notoriety, but gets into a fine lip-off with the big beautician from down the street (Queen Latifah, offering an appetizer of her upcoming "Beauty Shop"). As long as it is simply being a barbershop, the gab has a razor-cut charm. Running time: 1 hr., 40 mins. (Elliott) !!1/2

Broken Lizard’s Club Dread (R) — On an island resort owned by a has-been

rock star, dead bodies start piling up in this spoof on the horror-movie genre. Cast: Jay Chandrasekhar, Bill Paxton, Steve Lemme, Paul Soter, Kevin Heffernan.

Brother Bear (G) — Latest Disney animated offering about a young man, Kenai, who is transformed by The Great Spirits into a bear. On a quest to gain back his human form, Kenai befriends a bear cub, Koda, and evades his human brother, who, not realizing Kenai has been turned into a bear, is on Kenai’s trail on a revenge mission.Cast: Jeremy Suarez, Joaquin Phoenix, Rick Moranis, Dave Thomas.

Catch That Kid (PG) — The film is an English-language remake of a Danish kids’ movie.

12-year-old Maddy and her father are avid mountain climbers, but an accident on Mount Everest leaves Maddy’s father paralyzed. His only chance at recovery is an expensive operation, so Maddy recruits two friends to break into a bank and steal enough money to cover the expense of the surgery. Cast: Kristen Stewart, Corbin Bleu, Jennifer Beals, Sam Robards.

Cheaper by the Dozen (PG) — To make an old (1950) Clifton Webb comedy with-

“B

out Clifton Webb is a serious loss, but getting Steve Martin — a vanilla-shaked version of Webb's snappish fussiness — is not a bad idea for "Cheaper By the Dozen." He's engaging as Tom Baker, football coach and father of 12 kids.

Bonnie Hunt plays the wife and mom, Kate, looking awfully good despite the wear. The Bakers have a great life in a small town where Tom coaches, but he's hired to go to a bigger team outside Chicago, and the only story is the stress on the family from their move. The film is simple and obvious and plastic, but diverting.

Designed to be fluff, it's fluffy all the time. Cast: Steve Martin, Bonnie Hunt, Piper Perabo, Hilary Duff, Richard Jenkins.

Running time: 1 hr., 34 mins. (Elliott) !!

i z ar nL ke ro

38

METRO SPIRIT - MARCH 4, 2004

Fox Searchlight Pictures

ub D read” d’s Cl

RATINGS !!!! — Excellent

Funny

Not Bad

een age Dram of a T aQ s n uee o i Touchstone Pictures s n” s e f n o ”C

Drama

Masterpiece

“

Lame

50 First Dates (PG-13) —

Confessions of a Teenage Drama Queen (PG) — Another Disney dinky, turning the dreams of girls into piffle. Lindsay Lohan pitches her pretty charm like mad as "drama queen" Lola, who leaves New York for New Jersey (looks like a section of Burbank), wins a worshipful friend, dazzles a boy, squelches a snarky rival and stars in a "rock" version of Pygmalion full of "American Idol" razzle. Wasted rather depressingly are Carol Kane, Glenne Headly and other talents, treated as confetti at Lohan's feet. 1 hr., 34 mins. (Elliott) !

Dirty Dancing: Havana Nights (PG-13) — The first "Dirty Dancing" was engaging kitsch, a spritzy sensation of 1987. Now, we get Britain's Romola Garai as Katey, whose American businessman father moves the family to Havana in late 1958. Katey looks right through the snob Yank who woos her and settles her virginal eyes on hotel busboy Javier (Diego Luna). He is into hot dancing, which means variants of body rubbing under a lava flow of Cuban music. When Garai delivered some simpy lines in a love scene, cackling broke out at the press preview. Those laughs should be aimed at director Guy Ferland and the script. Cast: Romola Garai, Diego Luna, Patrick Swayze, Sela Ward, Mika Boorem. Running time: 1 hr., 36 mins.

(Elliott) !!

Eurotrip (R) — Scotty ditches his German pen pal when the pal, who Scotty assumed was a male, starts hitting on him. Little does Scotty know, Mieke is a woman, and when he realizes his mistake, the only way to win her back is to travel to Europe himself and apologize. Cast: Scott Mechlowicz, Michelle Trachtenberg, Jacob Pitts, Travis Wester, Jessica Bohrs.

!!!— Worthy

!! — Mixed

! — Poor

Henry (Adam Sandler) is a vet at an aquarium in Hawaii and a serial seducer of island visitors, his policy being love 'em and let 'em leave. True love, of course, lies in wait. At a picturesque diner, he sees Lucy (Drew Barrymore), and it's love at first sight. They hit it off wonderfully, but when they meet at the diner the next morning, she has no idea who he is. Henry learns that Lucy, following an accident the year before, has that favorite Hollywood malady, amnesia. The romantic aspects benefit from being contrasted to the comedy, which is oafish in the extreme. Oh, well — you can always look at the beautiful island scenery. Cast: Adam Sandler, Drew Barrymore. (Britton) !!

The Haunted Mansion (PG) — Another movie based on a ride at Disneyland,

again featuring cheesy, story-altering references to the rides, as well as plots about ghosts and curses.

Eddie Murphy is a workaholic real estate agent and a smooth-talking sleazebag. A promising real-estate deal turns out to be more than he bargains for, and his eagerness to scope out a house on the way to a family vacation leaves his entire family stranded at a creepy, cobweb-ridden Louisiana mansion with a curse. The result is a movie that, while consistently amusing, plays like a hackneyed effort to stretch a few minutes of ride into a coherent, hour-and-a-half story. Running time: 1 hr., 39 mins. (Fu) !!

Hidalgo (PG-13) — “Hidalgo” is based on the true story of the Ocean of Fire, a 3,000-mile horse race across the Arabian Desert. For years, the race had been restricted to only the finest purebread Arabian horses owned by royal families. In 1890, a wealthy sheik invited an American and his mustang, Hidalgo, to race against competitors determined not

0— Not worthy

minutes. The last 20 can feel like an hour, for clearly creator Peter Jackson didn't wish to let his saga go.

Bernard Hill, Viggo Mortensen and Orlando Bloom are impressive fighters, and Cate Blanchett makes a gorgeous Galadriel. This is posing, not acting. Sir Ian McKellen acts very well as noble Gandalf, but lines about heart, courage and fate make him Lord Fortune Cookie. "Lord" is all epic, all the time. Jackson loves battles, which means hurling dense masses of mostly computerized fighters at one another. If the climax battle this time is more overpowering than the Helm's Deep boggler in "Two Towers," does it truly deepen the story? Maybe it is just more spectacle, as climaxes are stacked high and then the epic winds down with Elijah Woods as Frodo (now mildly matured) exiting sweetly, his destiny done. Cast: Ian McKellen, Elijah Wood, Cate Blanchett, Viggo Mortensen, Ian Holm, Orlando Bloom, Sean Astin. Running time: 3 hrs., 20 mins. !!

Love Don’t Cost a Thing (PG-13) — “Love Don’t Cost a Thing” is a

remake of the 1987 teen comedy “Can’t Buy Me Love.” An unpopular geek blackmails a cheerleader into posing as his girlfriend in an attempt to improve his reputation. Cast: Nick Cannon, Christina Milian, Vanessa Bell Calloway, Kal Penn, Steve Harvey, Kenan Thompson.

Master and Commander: The Far Side of the World (PG-13) — The best film yet about men fighting at sea under sail. Two of Patrick O'Brian's books have been beautifully transposed into a cogent and moving tale of the Napoleonic Wars. Capt. Aubrey (Russell Crowe) and his friend Dr. Maturin (Paul Bettany) bond tightly despite amusing frictions and lead through storm and shot a stout crew against a French ship larger and better built. It all fits and works like good seamanship, under Peter Weir's direction, manly without fakery. Running time: 2 hrs., 19 mins.

(Elliott) !!!!

Miracle (PG) — Kurt Russell has a topper role as a real hero, Coach Herb Brooks. Russell does-

ballistic. It's a remarkably sensual film. The action scenes are amusingly zestful, Peter is adorable but not too cute, the pirates are a spry bunch of uglies, but it's the characters connecting emotionally that makes "Peter Pan" fly. For kids, the movie is a sure thing. Cast: Jason Isaacs, Jeremy Sumpter, Rachel Hurd-Wood, Lynn Redgrave, Olivia Williams, Richard Briars. Running time: 1 hr., 32 mins. (Elliott) !!!

Scary Movie 3 (PG-13) — The third film in the “Scary Movie” series once again spoofs a series of recent horror hits, fantasy epic films and other pop culture sensations, including “8 Mile,” “The Matrix,” “The Ring,” “The Others” and “Signs.” Cast: David Zucker, Anna Faris, Charlie Sheen, Regina Hall, Denise Richards.

Starsky & Hutch (PG-13) — Movie version of the ‘70s television series, starring Ben Stiller and Owen Wilson as the police duo. Cast: Ben Stiller, Owen Wilson, Vince Vaughn, Juliette Lewis, Snoop Dogg.

The Texas Chainsaw Massacre (R) — It’s a remake of the

original film and based loosely on true events that inspired that film and “The Silence of the Lambs.” A group of friends becomes isolated in the midst of a clan of cannibals. Cast: Jessica Biel, Jonathan Tucker, Eric Balfour, Erica Leerhsen.

Twisted (R) — Ashley Judd plays tough San Francisco cop Jessica Shepard, recently promoted to homicide detective. Jessica picks up big, horny men in bars, then has fast, rough sex that has an aura of foreplay for murder. Sure enough, a series of her studs turn up dead. And Jessica, who is prone to drinking red wine in quantity, yanking her trigger temper and then "hearing voices," becomes a key suspect in her first murder case. Just as the male victims seem to have "disposable" stenciled on their fore-

The Passion of the Christ (R) — Mel Gibson's risky, passionate treatment of

Christ's last 12 hours, long on fear and gore and agony, devils (even Satan), sadistic and/or guilty Romans, hatefully smug Jewish priests and, above all, the tormented face of Jim Caviezel as Jesus. Gibson uses heavy, hackneyed devices and naive tactics; he thinks a few brief flashbacks to benign gospel episodes can offset and illuminate the relentless flood of anguish and bloodshed, and he comes close to making this a rite of faith-based sadism. It is up to believers to decide if Gibson's Jesus is their own, but since no actor can truly act the Son of God spiritually, Caviezel becomes a sacrificial offering. (Elliott). Rated R; 2 hrs. 7 mins. !!

Peter Pan (PG) — P.J. Hogan's film is like a cyberized revamp of Disney, but everything is brighter, fuller, glitzier, with live actors and lots of matted effects. Capt. Hook's pirate ship is a virtual theme park awaiting customers. The feared crocodile seems to be from some Jurassic park. Clouds are so pink and cotton-candied you expect Peter and the others to get stuck in them. The magic can get a little

heads, to go with the cigarette burns on their hands, so does the film appear to carry the label “Video Bin: Recycle Fast.” Cast: Ashley Judd, Samuel L. Jackson, Andy Garcia, David Strathairn, Russell Wong. Running time: 1 hr., 37 mins. (Elliott) !!

Welcome to Mooseport (PG-13) — Browse at the hardware store run by nice, nervous Handy Harrison (Ray Romano), who also does plumbing. And over at the best house in town toss a happy howdy at retired President Monroe Eagle Cole (Gene Hackman), a Mount Rushmore unto himself, still glowing as "the most popular president in our history." Sorta bored and restless, Eagle lets himself get roped into running for mayor. So does Handy. This distracts the easily addled Handy from his never having asked adorable Sally (Maura Tierney) to marry him, and Eagle gets to exercise his celebrity while trying to evade his rapacious ex-wife (Christine Baranski). At its best, the film is cute; when it isn't, it seems like a blank screen. Cast: Gene Hackman, Ray Romano, Marcia Gay Harden, Christine Baranski, Maura Tierney, Rip Torn, Fred Savage. Running time: 1 hr., 40 mins. (Elliott) !!

You Got Served (PG-13) — Elgin and David are best friends who are serious about their hobby: urban street dancing. When another town’s top group challenges them to a dancing competition, the boys must create new, cutting-edge moves to stay in the game. Cast: Marques Houston, Omari Grandberry, Jennifer Freeman, Jarrell Houston, Dreux Frederic.

—Capsules compiled from movie reviews written by David Elliott, film critic for The San Diego Union-Tribune and other staff writers.

Buena Vista Pictures

The Lord of the Rings: The Return of the King (PG-13) — lasts 200 minutes, and some of those are long

n't just play him as a hero, as an iron profile next to a waving flag. Brooks coached the U.S. hockey team at the 1980 Winter Olympics, achieving a tremendous upset over a Soviet team of older players that had ruled and terrified Olympic hockey since 1960.

Russell plays Brooks as a driven man not easily distracted. Being ordained, the movie is clichéd. It has to go through the frets and sweats and bonding and drills, then hit high at the Olympics, so it does. But what a game it was. Not to be moved is to show adrenaline deficiency. Brooks' "miracle" team thrilled a sullen America and impressed the world. Cast: Kurt Russell, Patricia Clarkson, Noah Emmerich, Eddie Cahill, Michael Mantenuto. Running time: 1 hr., 40 mins. (Elliott) !!!

The Missing (R) — Cate Blanchett is again superb, as a flinty frontier mom who rides hard across 1870s New Mexico, chasing a mostly Apache band that took her daughter, slowly making up with her long absent and "gone Injun" father (Tommy Lee Jones). Ron Howard directed with a true eye for detail and landscape, Eric Schweig is an alarmingly vicious sorcerer, the brutality is frequent and not for tender viewers. Running time: 2 hrs., 10 mins. (Elliott) !!!

Monster (R) — To play Florida serial killer (of seven men) Aileen Wuornos, Charlize Theron did a monstrous job on herself: extra pounds, ratty hair, facial beauty slumping into a slum except for the rare, radiant smile. It's one of those bravely mutative performances that win laurels and make critics lose their marbles, but it lacks the truly risky daring of Daniel Day Lewis in "My Left Foot" or Robert De Niro in "Raging Bull" because director-writer Patty Jenkins has simplified Wuornos' story (already much documented) into the tragic fall of a soulful loser. Her total victimization becomes a beastly cry of protest against men and society. The wretched pulp as she kills men who are usually just barely human is pulverizing.

Theron is affecting, and Christina Ricci is terrific as a childish depressive who bonds to Aileen like a giddy little leech. 1 hr., 53 mins. (Elliott) !!1/2 Mystic River (R) — Clint Eastwood (directing) and writer Brian Helgeland heap loads of emotional freight on a slow, solemn barge of plot. Its core is a police case (Kevin Bacon, Laurence Fishburne fine as the detectives) about a murder haunted by a past crime. Sean Penn does furious brooding and manly weeping as a dead girl's father, Tim Robbins is a haunted wreck as an abuse victim, Laura Linney and Marcia Gay Harden are sidelined.

From its portentous title to its Boston Irish pride parade, the film aches for greatness and achieves high TV drama; the case wrap-up is rushed and fishy.

Running time: 2 hrs., 20 mins. (Elliott) !!

algo” “ Hi d

to let a foreigner win. Cast: Viggo Mortenson, Omar Sharif, Zuleikha Robinson.

Honey (PG-13) — Like having the fluids drained out of your system and replaced by a sugarloaded, mixed-drink concoction of a color not found in nature. Honey Daniels (Jessica Alba) bartends, dances and teaches hip-hop dance at a youth center.

Discovered, she makes a fast splash as a music-video dancer and choreographer. There are jolts of energy from occasional moments of hip-hop frenzy, but the editing is so rapid-fire that what appears on the screen looks more like a video game than dance. Will Honey remember her old pals in the 'hood? Why, yes.

First "Radio," now this; uplift has never seemed so enervating. Running time: 1 hr., 28 mins. (Salm) !1/2 The Last Samurai (R) — Tom Cruise stars as Nathan Algren, a heroic Civil War veteran and then embittered cavalry man, reduced to heavy drinking and shilling for a gun company. Algren goes to Japan, paid to train the new imperial army in modern ways and weapons. But he finds himself drawn to the insurgent cause and almost idyllic life in the hills of samurai leader Katsumoto (Watanabe), who fights for the old ways and hopes to win over the adolescent emperor from greedy modernists. Having come to teach, Algren stays to learn. He is captured after impressing Katsumoto with his fighting spirit; the "barbarian" has a tiger within. "The Last Samurai" bides its time, has a predictable plot, but gives pleasure of a sustained kind. Cast: Tom Cruise, Ken Watanabe, Tony Goldwyn, Timothy Spall, Koyuki.

Running time: 2 hrs., 24 mins. (Elliott) !!!

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Gibson’s Vision of Christ Is Indeed Passionate, but Flawed

By David Elliott

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im Caviezel as Jesus suffers his long agony on the cross in Mel Gibson’s “The Passion of the Christ.”

Even believers should beware of what they will be seeing in “Passion,” and not just because of the R rating. If ever a film deserved an NC17 for extreme violence, here it is (don’t take the kids).

A conflation of the Gospels and Gibson’s vision of the last 12 hours of Jesus Christ, the gory film has been heavily pre-sold through Christian churches. It was marketed to ministers as “the greatest outreach opportunity in the past 2,000 years,” and Gibson, a devout believer but hip to the media, began defending his film even before it was attacked.

Surely this is the first R-rated Christ film ever sold mainly to church flocks — Martin Scorsese’s “The Last Temptation of Christ” was widely scorned by them — and also one with subtitles (the cast speaks Aramaic, Greek and Latin, with accents that may entertain scholars of antiquity). The movie is a controversy that lands on the cushion of a welcoming audience; even the lavish picture book on it sold out a first run (150,000 copies) quickly.

The film is a picture book that moves.

A passionate work, “The Passion of the Christ” opens with Jesus praying in anguish that his sacrifice might not happen. But soon temple guards show up with Judas, a man’s ear is cut off and Jesus restores the ear before being hauled to a prejudicial “hearing” before the Jerusalem high priests.

A female Satan (Rosalinda Celentano) with a mannish voice lurks and scowls; a snake comes from beneath her robe and is crushed

by Jesus. Evidently raised in a very literal faith (he belongs to an old Catholic splinter sect), Gibson doesn’t avoid showing us devils, even in the bodies of children who gladly hound the distraught Judas to his suicide.

The goblin touches do not go well with harsh physical realism. There is a prelude of agony, about 10 minutes long, as Jesus is flogged and flailed by brutish Roman soldiers. He looks like badly butchered meat, and we see close-ups of the wounds, the blood, the torture devices, the anguished face.

As in “Braveheart,” director Gibson has a heavy hand. His motto seems to be “leave nothing out.” But James Caviezel, touchingly sincere as Jesus, is left to be a terrible physical sacrifice, for nobody can truly play the Son of God in a deeply spiritual way; that defies depiction, even (in 1965) by Max von Sydow.

There comes the awful walk up the raw hill, and Gibson gives us almost every horrible step, as Jesus bleeds and falls repeatedly under a cross that could break the back of an ox. Humanly, this is hell, so Gibson’s later view of Satan in “actual” hell seems childish, while his whole approach falls short of the power of Christ’s death in Mathis Grunewald’s gory paintings.

Jesus was a Jew, so were his followers, and while Gibson doesn’t use the old blood guilt line (Matthew 27:25), he shines a baleful light on the Jewish priests, contemptuous elit-

ists without mercy. Herod is a drunken fool, the Roman proconsul Pilate feels rotten about the whole thing and his sweet wife even brings cloths to blot up Jesus’ blood.

Two Jews movingly help Jesus during his agony (while some Roman soldiers are just vicious beasts in armor), but we keep coming back to the smug, hateful faces of the Jewish high priests. Christian anti-Semitism, a virus of idiocy with the poison of an old family feud (even in Dante’s “Inferno,” Canto 13), is a medieval remnant that Gibson might have more tactfully avoided raising.

Gibson can be amazingly naive in his film tactics. He inserts nice, Sunday-school flashbacks to the Last Supper and the Sermon on the Mount, but these are overwhelmed by the copious cruelty and bloodshed. “The Passion of the Christ” is a labor of conviction that comes remarkably close to faith-based sadism.

For movies can show us too much, and watching Jesus suffer, how can anyone human (that is, not Christ or a saint) not feel some hatred for those who made him suffer so?

Conviction can have the failings of its strengths. “Single-mindedness is all very well in cows or baboons,” wrote Aldous Huxley, but “(for those) claiming to belong to the same species as Shakespeare, it is simply disgraceful.” Of course, for believers Christ ranks far above Shakespeare, and it is now up to believers to decide how far they wish Gibson’s tortured Jesus to be their very own.

flix

Stiller and Wilson Serve Magic — With Cheese

By Rachel Deahl

T

he 76th Annual Academy Awards show was pretty much a bore. Billy Crystal offered some poorly timed jokes in between boring acceptance speeches and made us wish repeatedly that he’d kept his shirt on during the opening skit. The biggest laughs didn’t come from Crystal in the end; Ben Stiller and Owen Wilson provided some unexpectedly witty jibes while presenting together. The duo, which stars in “Starsky & Hutch,” played off their on(and to an extent, off-) screen personas, as Ben acted uptight and annoyed when a laid-back Owen failed to show up to present in costume. The witty repartee the pair demonstrated at the Oscars is thankfully alive and well in their film.

Although the world needs a feature film treatment of a 1970s cop show about as badly as it does a violent film depicting the last 12 hours of Christ’s life, director Todd Phillips (“Road Trip,” “Old School”) proves once again that he has a hand for feel-good comedies. Stiller and Wilson star as Dave Starsky and Ken Hutchinson, respectively. As two outcasts within their California-based police department – Starsky is a tightly wound hothead who plays by the rules to a fault, while Hutch, as he is called, prefers to commit petty crimes instead of solving them – the unlikely pair get matched up

to be partners at the onset. A surprisingly good match, the two start working a murder case that puts them on the trail of a major drug king (played by Vince Vaughn).

Phillips wisely draws from the talent pool that made his last two films work.

Aside from a brief turn from Amy Smart (who appeared in “Road Trip”), Will Ferrell and Vince Vaughn are wonderful as thugs that Starsky & Hutch tangle with. Vaughn, who has the more sizeable role as David Pressman, the self-absorbed drug dealer at the center of the case, essentially recycles his performance from “Old School.” Thankfully the bit is still fresh here and when Starsky and Hutch bust up Pressman’s daughter’s Bar Mitzvah (disguised as two mimes, no less), Vaughn is hilarious doing his familiar schtick. In a nice touch, Phillips even casts the same singer who appeared at Frank’s wedding in “Old School” to do the honors at the Pressman Bar Mitzvah.

Ultimately though, the real magic comes from Stiller and Wilson who expand their Oscar act here with success. The storyline is stupid and the jokes are familiar – Phillips is still largely enthralled with immature guys who are playing out fantasies of being teenagers forever – but the comedy works and the cheesy, 1970s setting helps make it all tick.

reel time REGAL AUGUSTA EXCHANGE 20

Confessions of a Teenage Drama Queen (PG) Fri-Sun: 12:45, 2:50, 5:10, 7:15, 9:20;

Movies Good 3/5 –3/11

Starsky & Hutch (PG-13) Fri-Sat: 11:55,

12:25, 1:30, 2:15, 2:45, 4:35, 5:05, 6:55, 7:30, 8:00, 9:20, 9:55, 11:45, 12:20; SunThur: 11:55, 12:25, 1:30, 2:15, 2:45, 4:35, 5:05, 6:55, 7:30, 8:00, 9:20, 9:55 Monster (R) Fri-Sat: 1:35, 4:10, 6:50, 9:25, 12:00; Sun-Thur: 1:35, 4:10, 6:50, 9:25 Hidalgo (PG-13) 12:30, 1:00, 3:40, 4:05, 7:10, 7:40, 10:15, 10:45 The Passion of the Christ (R) 12:00, 12:45, 1:15, 1:45, 3:30, 3:50, 4:20, 4:50, 6:40, 7:00, 7:20, 7:50, 9:40 10:10 10:30, 10:50 Broken Lizard’s Club Dread (R) Fri-Sat: 4:15, 9:45, 12:10; Sun-Thur: 4:15, 9:45 Havana Nights (PG-13) Fri-Sat: 12:10, 2:55, 5:15, 7:25, 9:35, 11:50; Sun-Thur: 12:10, 2:55, 5:15, 7:25, 9:35 Twisted (R) Fri-Sat: 1:55, 4:45, 7:45, 10:05, 12:25; Sun-Thur: 1:55, 4:45, 7:45, 10:05 Confessions of a Teenage Drama Queen (PG) Fri-Sat: 12:25, 2:50, 5:05, 7:35, 9:50,

12:05; Sun-Thur: 12:25, 2:50, 5:05, 7:35, 9:50 Eurotrip (R) 12:50, 3:05, 5:20, 8:15, 10:35 Welcome to Mooseport (PG-13) 1:20, 7:05 50 First Dates (PG-13) Fri-Sat: 12:15, 2:40, 5:10, 7:55, 10:20, 12:35; Sun-Thur: 12:15, 2:40, 5:10, 7:55, 10:20 Barbershop 2 (PG-13) 12:35, 3:00, 5:30, 8:05, 10:40 Miracle (PG) 1:10, 4:15, 7:15, 10:15 You Got Served (PG-13) Fri-Sat: 12:05, 2:20, 4:40, 7:00, 9:20, 11:40; Sun-Thur: 12:05, 2:20, 4:40, 7:00, 9:20 Mystic River (R) 3:55, 10:25 Lord of the Rings: The Return of the King (PG-13) 12:00, 4:05, 8:10

Mon-Thur: 5:10, 7:15, 9:20 Eurotrip (R) Fri-Sun: 1:20, 7:05; Mon-Thur: 7:05 Welcome to Mooseport (PG-13) Fri-Sun: 2:20, 4:40, 7:10, 9:25; Mon-Thur: 4:40, 7:10, 9:25 50 First Dates (PG-13) Fri-Sun: 1:05, 3:15, 5:20, 7:30, 9:40; Mon-Thur: 5:20, 7:30, 9:40 Miracle (PG) Fri-Sun: 1:30, 4:10, 6:50, 9:30; Mon-Thur: 4:10, 6:50, 9:30 Barbershop 2 (PG-13) Fri-Sun: 2:30, 4:50, 7:20, 9:50; Mon-Thur: 4:50, 7:20, 9:50 MASTERS 7 CINEMAS

Movies Good 3/5 – 3/11

Along Came Polly (PG-13) Fri: 5:20, 7:20,

9:20; Sat-Sun: 1:20, 3:20, 5:20, 7:20, 9:20; Mon-Thur: 5:20, 7:20, 9:20 Cheaper by the Dozen (PG) Fri: 4:30, 7:05, 9:35; Sat-Sun: 2:00, 4:30, 7:05, 9:35; MonThur: 4:30, 7:05, 9:35 Catch That Kid (PG) Fri: 5:15, 7:15, 9:15; Sat-Sun: 1:15, 3:15, 5:15, 7:15, 9:15; MonThur: 5:15, 7:15, 9:15 The Last Samurai (R) Fri: 5:00, 8:30; SatSun: 1:45, 5:00, 8:30; Mon-Thur: 5:00, 8:30 Master and Commander (PG-13) Fri: 3:55, 6:45, 9:30; Sat-Sun: 12:55, 3:55, 6:45, 9:30; Mon-Thur: 3:55, 6:45, 9:30 Bad Santa (R) 7:25, 9:45 Haunted Mansion (PG) Fri: 5:00, 7:00; SatThur: 1:00, 3:00, 5:00, 7:00 The Cat in the Hat (PG) Fri: 5:10; Sat-Sun: 1:10, 3:10, 5:10; Mon-Thur: 5:10 Gothika (R) 9:25 REGAL 12 CINEMAS

Movies Good 3/5 – 3/11

EVANS 14 CINEMAS

Along Came Polly (PG-13) 2:40, 5:00, 7:45,

Movies Good 3/5 - 3/11

9:55

Starsky & Hutch (PG-13) Fri-Sun: 1:15,

Bad Santa (R) 7:00, 9:25 Brother Bear (G) 2:10, 4:15, 7:20, 9:15 Catch That Kid (PG) 2:30, 4:45, 7:30, 9:40 Cheaper by the Dozen (PG) 2:05, 4:35,

Lord of the Rings: The Return of the King (PG-13) Fri-Sun: 12:45, 4:30, 8:30; Mon-Thur:

Haunted Mansion (PG) 2:15, 4:20, 7:10, 9:20 Honey (PG-13) 2:35, 4:50, 7:35, 9:45 The Last Samurai (R) 1:55, 4:55, 7:55 Love Don’t Cost a Thing (PG-13) 2:20, 4:30,

2:10, 3:25, 4:30, 5:35, 6:40, 7:45, 9:00, 9:55; Mon-Thur: 4:30, 5:35, 6:40, 7:45, 9:00, 9:55 Hidalgo (PG-13) Fri-Sun: 12:55, 3:50, 6:45, 9:35; Mon-Thur: 3:55, 6:45, 9:35 4:30, 8:30

Twisted (R) Fri-Sun: 1:10, 3:20, 5:30, 7:50,

10:00; Mon-Thur: 5:30, 7:50, 10:00 Broken Lizard’s Club Dread (R) 4:20, 9:15 Havana Nights (PG-13) Fri-Sun: 1:40, 3:40, 5:40, 7:40, 9:40; Mon-Thur: 5:40, 7:40, 9:40 Passion of the Christ (R) Fri-Sun: 1:00, 2:00, 4:00, 5:00, 7:00, 8:00, 9:45; Mon-Thur: 4:00, 5:00, 7:00, 8:00, 9:45

7:15, 9:30

7:05, 9:20

Master and Commander (PG-13) 2:00,

4:50, 7:40

Peter Pan (PG) 2:00, 4:25 Scary Movie 3 (PG-13) 2:45, 5:05, 7:50, 9:50 Texas Chainsaw Massacre (R) 2:25, 4:40,

7:25, 9:35

M O V I E L I S T I N G S A R E S U B J E C T C H A N G E W I T H O U T N O T I C E .

T O

5th Annual Cleon Mauldin Memorial Concert presented by

THE AUGUSTA CONCERT BAND with guest conductor

Greg Day

Director Of Bands, Southern Wesleyan University

Sunday, March 14th, 7:00 P.M.

Admission Free

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METRO SPIRIT - MARCH 4, 2004

All Practice Rounds! and All Tournament Days!

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41

MUSIC Jazz/Funk Fusion Characterizes Adams Township

By Lisa Jordan

L

42

METRO SPIRIT - MARCH 4, 2004

isten to the beginning of an Adams Township song, and you’ll think you’re back in a smoky, old-school jazz club.

Give it a minute, though, and the jazz melds with modern funk beats. Adams Township describes their music as jazz/funk fusion, and you’d be hardpressed to find a better term to pinpoint the band’s sound.

Drummer Mason Bumgarner gave some insight on the band’s diverse collection of influences — everything from John Coltrane and Charlie Parker to Herbie Hancock.

“As far as bass and drums, we like the old funk groups,” he said. “The horn players like the old jazz players. The guitar player, he likes the jazz and fusion, funk and rock.”

The five-piece, now stationed in Atlanta, has been around for over 10 years. The core group — Bumgarner, guitarist Tony Waite and bass player Todd Kerstetter — met and formed a band in Toledo, Ohio. When school brought two of them down South, the band relocated and, as fate would have it, Bumgarner, Waite and Kerstetter met up with two horn players.

“The three of us moved here in September of ’92,” Bumgarner said.

“There’s the three of us on bass, drums and guitar — we’ve been playing together for about 12 years. But the lineup we have now, we met the horn players in ’99.”

Between the move and meeting up with tenor saxophonist Ben Teach and trumpet player Jason Pellett, Adams Township auditioned several vocalists before deciding to go the instrumental route.

“We had tried using vocalists since ’92 or ’93 up through ’98, and we were toss-

ing around the idea of doing just instrumental jazz, and we never thought we would,” explained Bumgarner. “We found a sax player and a trumpet player.

We just ended up writing songs and it just worked out. We’ve always enjoyed

listening to that type of music. It’s fun, because it’s a lot of musical freedom, so it’s definitely very enjoyable.”

Adams Township currently enjoys a career touring the East Coast, and they’ve come through the Augusta area

“IT’S FUN, BECAUSE IT’S A LOT OF MUSICAL FREEDOM, SO IT’S DEFINITELY VERY ENJOYABLE.” — MASON BUMGARNER, ADAMS TOWNSHIP

quite a few times already.

“We’ve mainly been playing at the Highlander,” said Bumgarner. “We’re looking forward to playing at the Soul Bar. We’ve wanted to play there for a while.”

Who: Adams Township Where: Soul Bar When: 10 p.m. March 13 For info: Check out www.soulbar.com or www.adamstownship.com

Thurs

music

2 Live Crew: Still Nasty After All These Years?

By Lisa Jordan

N

ext week, Augusta will have an opportunity — two, actually — to experience the controversial rap act that is 2 Live Crew. No word on just how obscene they’ll get, but if you were underage when the group’s obscenity trial was going on, now you can check out the Crew for yourself.

The Beginning 2 Live Crew started out in California, composed of Fresh Kid Ice (real name: Chris Wong Won), Mr. Mixx (a.k.a.

David Hobbs) and Amazing V (a.k.a., uh … Amazing V). The group, minus V, relocated to Miami after their first single, 1985’s “Revelation,” took off in the Sunshine State. Brother Marquis (Mark Ross) hooked up with 2 Live Crew after the release of second single “What I Like.” Miami music mogul Luke Skyywalker (Luther Campbell) signed the Crew to a record deal and also served as their manager and later as a performer in the group.

Legal Woes Legal Woe No. 1: In June 1990, a Florida District Court Judge ruled that 2 Live Crew’s album, “As Nasty as They Wanna Be,” was legally obscene, thus illegal to sell. An Atlanta Court of Appeals overturned the ruling in 1992.

Legal Woe No. 2: The three members of 2 Live Crew were arrested on obscenity charges for performing their material

onstage at a Florida nightclub; they were acquitted a few months later.

Legal Woe No. 3: George Lucas sued Campbell for trademark infringement over the stage name Luke Skyywalker; Campbell changed his stage name to Luke.

Legal Woe No. 4: Luke, Fresh Kid Ice and newcomer Verb (Larry Dobson) became The New 2 Live Crew in 1994.

That same year, the publishers of Roy Orbison’s “Oh, Pretty Woman” smacked the group with a lawsuit over a parody of the song released on 2 Live Crew’s “As Clean as They Wanna Be.” The case, which went to the Supreme Court, was decided in favor of 2 Live Crew, since parody constitutes fair use under the law.

Free Speech Advocates Sinead O’Connor, Bruce Springsteen and Mo¨tley Crüe are among the musicians that stepped forward to defend 2 Live Crew’s right to free speech during their obscenity trial.

Retailer Advisory Several music retailers were arrested or fined for selling 2 Live Crew albums, including a Florida store clerk who sold “The 2 Live Crew Is What We Are” to a 14-year-old in 1987.

Parental Advisory 2 Live Crew have released clean versions of most of their albums.

THE BIG MIGHTY

Fri & Sat Soul Dimensions

Tues The Pat Blanchard

Wed Pat & Adam

Band

Surrey Tavern 471 Highland Ave. | 736-1221 Open Mon-Sat at 4 pm until

Adams Presents

Friday March 12

Peter Mayer Trio (Lead Guitarist for Jimmy Buffet)

2 Live Crew come to Crossroads in Augusta March 13 and 15.

For more information, call Crossroads at 821-3366.

Adams

Night Club

43

1075 Stevens Creek Road • 738-8811 Near I-20 and Washington Road

METRO SPIRIT - MARCH 4, 2004

Doors Open at 7 : 3 0 $20 Per Person Showtime 9:00

music by turner

10 oz. T-Bone

$5.95

Monday & Tuesday Only

Niko’s

ATHENS Restaurant & Taverna

246 Bobby Jones Expressway 868-1508

Home of the Rhes Reeves Band Wednesday Drink & Drown and The Venus Swim-Wear Model Search Thursday It’s Ladies Night - Pay your cover and the drinks are on us. Guys - We have $1.00 Draft and $2.00 Domestics and $ 50 2. Jose Shots for you.

Friday & Saturday Happy Hour from 7-9 with 2-4-1 Drinks and $1.00 Draft.

Party with Augusta’s Best Live Band “The Rhes Reeves Band” with Shelley Watkins Celebrate Coyotes 3rd Birthday, Thursday, March 4th with a Complimentary Buffet and $1.25 Drinks for everyone from 7-10 and a Balloon Drop at Midnight.

44

METRO SPIRIT - MARCH 4, 2004

Friday, March 5th Rodney Atkins Don’t miss country’s hottest new-comer 9:00 PM. Tickets are $8.00 in advance, $ 10.00 at the door.

Call 560-9245 for more information.

COYOTE’S

“Where Variety is the Spice of Life”

2512 PEACH ORCHARD ROAD

706-560-9245

W

ILLIE NELSON thrilled a revvedup and rowdy crowd Saturday night at the Civic Center. The country music legend led a low-key, sevenpiece ensemble through many of his hits including “Crazy,” “Funny How Time Slips Away,” “On the Road Again” and “Blue Eyes Cryin’ in the Rain.” The entire evening had a laidback groove due mostly to the fact that the instrumentation was as bare-bones as possible without being of the unplugged variety. All of the guitars sported small, unassuming amps and even the drummer was reduced to playing a snare just as if it was a Grand Ole Opry show circa 1968.

Willie’s vocal phrasing was all over the place, often behind the music a la JIMMY SCOTT or even BOB DYLAN, but there’s no complaining here. It’s understandable that singing some of the same songs thousands of times without wanting to reinvent the proceedings a little would be a bit too much to ask of anyone, much less a musical icon like Willie. For many, Willie’s lead guitar work was the highlight of the concert, as his soulful, jazzy licks were sweeter than a freshly-cut Vidalia. His tender renditions of “All of Me” and “Blue Skies” made one wish that he didn’t have so many hits that are requisites for every show. Several fights (don’t you just love a good floor show?) broke out during the evening, including two female fans holding death grips over a bandanna thrown into the audience by Nelson, but that was only a small blip of discord in an otherwise great evening of music.

Where’s the School? Dept.

Maybe they’re talking about the old business college. HOOBASTANK, P.O.D., LINKIN’ PARK and STORY OF THE YEAR invade Atlanta’s Philips Arena March 6 as part of the “MTV Campus Invasion Tour.” The show is promoted by the music network under their “Choose or Lose” campaign that encourages unregistered young voters to get involved in the election process. Headliners Hoobastank are touring behind their second album “The Reason.”

WIDESPREAD PANIC may be taking 2004 off as far as touring is concerned, but that won’t stop the band from selling new product. The download-for- pay company iPod is offering an internetonly set of shows recorded Dec. 30 and 31 at Philips Arena for sale on their site.

The band is also releasing to traditional music stores on March 23 “Night of Joy,” recorded in Myrtle Beach in November of 2003. It’s always cool to own professional copies of shows that you’ve attended, and this release continues the trend of bands and other musical acts that are embracing this terrific and long-overdue marketing concept.

B Y

E D

AVRIL LAVIGNE INCUBUS hits the road next month for a long international tour. However, the band won’t reach the South until the fall as two shows are set nearby. The group will perform October 1 at Atlanta’s Gwinnett Center and October 3 at the Cricket Arena in Charlotte.

Teenager of Any Year Dept.

The money must be screaming. FRANK BLACK has finally given in and reformed THE PIXIES, the late ‘80’s band whose minimalist musical stylings greatly influenced the likes of NIRVANA and SOUNDGARDEN. The band’s 1988 “Surfer Rosa” and “Doolittle” from the following year are considered classics by many. Some locals may remember a visit by Black during his “Black Francis” phase when the much-missed Channel Z ruled the local airwaves. The band has sold out 11 out of the first 12 shows of the reunion tour, which will begin in Canada next month.

Turner’s Quick Notes A HOOTIE AND THE BLOWFISH “Best-of” is now in the stores. Maybe they should have just reissued their first album “Cracked Rear View” instead … Yeeha! A terrific EARL SCRUGGS set, “The Essential Earl Scruggs,” is out this week with “Foggy Mountain Breakdown” leading the proceedings … gasp! It’s shades of TIFFANY as AVRIL LAVIGNE has a 21-city mall tour in the works. I hear Regency has a few openings … PRINCE returns to Atlanta’s Philips Arena April 30 … A JERRY GARCIA box is set for April 30. It features tunes from his early solo albums … ERYKAH BADU performs at the fabulous Fox March 12.

Turner’s Rock ‘N’ Roll Jeopardy A. This was the song Bill Clinton played on his sax when campaigning on the “Arsenio Hall Show.”

Q. What was “Heartbreak Hotel”?

Athens Potatoes Bread

T U R N E R

s g tin

h g i S

COURTNEY AND CORIY FIELDS AT ROBBIE’S SPORTS PUB.

MICHAEL JOH NSTON AND H EATHER LANE AT D. TIMM’S .

WMAN, ALICIA NE , D R O F YOTE’S. W CRA RD AT CO O F E IK CHARLES M ONEY AND MOLLY M

JAMIN URNE AND BEN D SHOW. JENNIFER BO D TO H AT THE JOS RICHARDSON JENNIFER HOOD AND ZAC HILL AT D. TIMM’S.

ILKES, ADAM RING, KARI W E JOSH AMANDA HER FOLGER AT TH Y N A FF TI D N TOLAR A TODD SHOW.

VIKI AND RAY TYREE AT COYOTE’S.

45

Photos by Michael E. Johnson

METRO SPIRIT - MARCH 4, 2004

EMILY CLARK AND JAME S SCHAFFER AT THE JOSH TODD SHOW .

JOSH TODD, DONNA BAYS AND AMY KILLIAN AT THE JOSH TODD SHOW.

music

music minis MJJSource.com — Web site from Hell Ok, so I wasn’t really going to make you read about Michael Jackson this week. I wasn’t going to say anything about the fact that his phone records were seized, according to online sources, along with videos of Jackson and a DVD of a Neverland party.

But then I took a peek at the Web site reportedly unveiled by Jackson on March 1. It’s absolutely horrifying. First, the black screen. Then, hole-punched strips appear at the top and bottom to make it look like movie tape. Then, the white-on-black holes flash fast enough to give you a migraine.

After that, the images start. Jackson appears, grabs his head and seems to break his own neck. He screams. And vibrates.

Then the entire window shakes, as if a semi has just rolled into your office. Then you sit for an eternity looking at “MJJSOURCE A New Beginning.” Then, and only then, do you get to read the propaganda, in which Jackson, or a clever attentionseeker pretending to be Jackson, pours out his love to his fans in a letter. You have to see it for yourself. The address is www.mjjsource.com. Don’t forget the extra J. And don’t forget to keep some migraine meds handy.

Metallica Creates Live Download Site At the time of this writing, March 2, Metallica are set to begin offering unedited soundboard recordings of shows from its North American tour for sale through the Internet. The first show is to be the March Phoenix show – tonight, at the time of this

writing. The group have a history of allowing fans to tape at their shows, but they are charging for these downloads. Sound files will be in MP3 and FLAC format.

Fans Say Music Festivals Suck Do you ever get the urge to put down your money and go off to a music festival, sit in the sun or the rain for eight hours with a host of other sweaty, sunburned, rain-soaked, high, intoxicated musiclovers? Not many other people are hot to do that sort of thing either. According to a Billboard.com poll, in which they took info from 1,597 voters, 52 percent described such huge music events as “pointless.” They also thought that the average person, who is, by the way, not a freakin’ millionaire, or even “well off,” could not afford to go. There are, however, those 25 percent who described such events as “vital” to the scene. Whatever scene they are referring to. And still another 23 percent are positioned firmly on the fence. If you would like to be a part of the next poll, visit the Billboard.com Voting Booth. Time’s a-wastin’.

COMPILED BY RHONDA JONES

LIVE!

At the Imperial Theatre Friday, March 12 7:30pm and 9:30 pm Tickets available at the Imperial Theatre box office, online at www.imperialtheatre.com or by phone at 722-8341.

METRO SPIRIT - MARCH 4, 2004

By Andy Stokes

Avril the Mall Rat Would you believe us if we told you that Avril Lavigne was planning a shopping mall tour? She is touring 21 cities, according to sources. And… and … AND they will be free accoustic sets. The purpose?

To support “Under My Skin,” which is her second album.

Information compiled from online and other music news sources.

46

CD Reviews

The Cooper Temple Clause – Kick Up the Fire, and Let the Flames Break Loose (RCA) Radiohead’s shadow over the whole of England apparently allows less light in than even we thought. Even when you make attempts to launder the Radiohead influence through an intermediary, you fail to fully cleanse your sound of those easily recognized connections. The Cooper Temple Clause hails from Reading and claims a never-before-heard combination of jazz, techno and thrash influences. We may have heard this one before in South, a band that left listeners impressed only in the area of production theatrics, and rarely in the department of melodic structure or song substance.

Cooper Temple Clause comes from a continent where even relatively weird groups like The Coral or Band of Bees display just how deep Radiohead is ingrained by showing how left-field you have to be to escape any comparison.

They dress and groom even trendier than the Strokes and Warlocks combined. In title alone, their second album, “Kick Up the Fire, and Let the Flames Break Loose,” all but promises a Datsuns-style, whiskey-fueled rampage. In purely experimental doses, the above elements all exist.

But since Bends-era Radiohead, now almost a decade old, is finally being faithfully represented by the likes of Travis and Coldplay, don’t expect this sextet to fully tackle Radiohead’s postrock era. Cooper Temple Clause impatiently ignores, sensibility in songcrafting, going instead straight for abstract glory. The result, sadly, just falls short of the targeted goal, instead sounding like a band trying to remix itself.

Sure, they’re experimental, as they boast, but only in the sense that if Yorke and co. are practicing quantum physics, Cooper Temple Clause just got a home science experiment set for Christmas.

They follow in the tradition of Elbow or South, other groups who safely “test out” new sounds after they’ve already been made safe for public use by Richard D. James, Tom Jenkinson or the like.

The Rosebuds – Make Out (Merge) It’s a good thing that, occasionally, a white man can jump. Had Ivan Howard, one-third of The Rosebuds, not broken both arms coming down from a dunk when he was 18, permanently halting a college basketball career, he may have never picked up a guitar. About a decade later in 2001, Howard and wife Kelly Crisp would book a show before actually forming a band or even having songs written. Fast-forward a few more years, and Crisp and Howard have christened themselves The Rosebuds, and created one of the best summer albums in recent memory, right in the deadest part of winter.

It’s tough to tag The Rosebuds any one style. You could pick up the garage revivalist label, but by the time you turn to place it on them, The Rosebuds have gone in another direction with no forewarning. Then you’d probably think aggressive, no-apologies power-pop, the kind so hyper it needs an insulin injection–that style suits The Rosebuds best.

But as soon as you’re sure that’s their style, they take another turn and surprise you with a down-tempo mood piece, like “Make Out Song,” the album’s closer (which is eerily reminiscent of a lessintense Nick Cave).

Despite tempo and emotional changes, a few resounding similarities act as early proof of Howard’s songwriting consistency and The Rosebuds’ discovery of their sound: the blending of Crisp’s retrosynth (which borrows from at least four decades of rock) and Howard’s guitar to the point of their sounding like one inseparable instrument, and plenty of New Pornographers-minded “yeahs” and “whoas” throughout.

In a perfect world, “Make Out” would replace Captain Crunch as the sugary companion to Saturday morning cartoons, and wouldn’t scrape up the roof of your mouth. On “My Downtown Friends,” Howard’s normally playful tone takes on a serious approach as he chants the chorus “I believe in rock ‘n’ roll!”

Yeah, one listen to “Make Out” should make believers of us all.

AFTER DARK

BURNS OUT BRIGHT COMES TO THE

Thursday, 4th

Friday, 5th

Aiken Brewing Co. – Family Groove Co., Stevo Hopkins Andy’s – David Fitzgerald, Dave Cantonwine, Scott McQueen The Bee’s Knees – Heliocentric Cinema Blind Pig – Pat Blanchard Cafe Du Teau – James McIntyre Club Argos – Karaoke Dance Party Coliseum – Karaoke with Dana Continuum – Playa*Listic Thursday Coyote’s – The Rhes Reeves Band Crossroads – 212 D. Timm’s – The Section Finish Line Cafe – DJ Fox’s Lair – Mike Greene Greene Streets – Karaoke Hangnail Gallery – Burns Out Bright, Lock and Key, Jericho RVA, She Walks in Beauty, The Kilpatrick Project Honky Tonk – DJ Dougie Joe’s Underground – John Kolbeck Locals – Preston and Weston Marlboro Station – Dance Party Michael’s – Marilyn Adcock Modjeska – The Comedy Zone, DJ Casey Playground – Open Mic The Pourhouse – Karaoke with the Pourhouse Friends Robbie’s Sports Bar – DJ Rusty Serendipity Café – Jeremy Carr Shannon’s – Karaoke with Peggy Surrey Tavern – The Big Mighty Wheeler Tavern – DJ Dog

Aiken Brewing Co. – Salt Creek Andy’s – Open House Jam Back Roads – DJ The Bee’s Knees – First Friday Live Music on 10th Street Blind Pig – Shameless Dave and the Miracle Whips Cafe Du Teau – James McIntyre Charlie O’s – Live Band Club Argos – Claire Storm and Company Coconuts – Bikini Contest Coliseum – Petite and Alexis Cotton Patch – Tony Williams Coyote’s – Rodney Atkins Crossroads – Banger’s Ball with Bang the Union, Murdercycle D. Timm’s – The Section El Rodeo – Grupo Sonora Dynamita Finish Line Cafe – DJ Fox’s Lair – Andy McCraw French Market Grille West – Quiet Storm Greene Streets – Karaoke Hangnail Gallery – Total Recall, Three the Hard Way, Albert React, The Oval Portrait, First Friday Live Music on 8th Street The Helm – Preston and Weston Highlander – Hate Chakra, Woodshop Nufrock, Mark G. Honky Tonk – DJ Doug Romanella Imperial Theatre – Rock, Roll and Remember Jennifer Clark Trust Benefit Joe’s Underground – Impulse Ride

HANGNAIL GALLERY MARCH 4.

Last Call – DJ Richie Rich Little Honky Tonk – Local Ghost Locals – Karaoke Marlboro Station – Stephanie Ross Michael’s – Marilyn Adcock Modjeska – DJ Ted Fortenberry Ms. Carolyn’s – The Horizon Playground – Knowface The Pourhouse – Tony Howard Band Red Carpet Events – Playback with Tutu D’Vyne Robbie’s Sports Bar – DJ Rusty The Shack – DJ Chip Shannon’s – Bart Bell Soul Bar – Super Stereo Hi-Fi Mix with DJ Zapatista, First Friday Art Exhibit by Jay Jacobs and Jeff Thomas Stillwater Tap Room – New Direction Surrey Tavern – Soul Dimensions Wheeler Tavern – DJ Dog

Saturday, 6th Aiken Brewing Co. – Bellyfull Andy’s – Clemson-Based Arrhythmia Back Roads – DJ The Bee’s Knees – Jazz Sessions with Moniker Blind Pig – Anthony Gomes Cafe Du Teau – James McIntyre Charlie O’s – Live Band Club Argos – Lauren Alexander and Guest Coliseum – Hot Boy Gabriel Coconuts – DJ Tim

Cotton Patch – Keith “Fossill” Gregory Coyote’s – The Rhes Reeves Band Crossroads – Gruv Union D. Timm’s – The Section Finish Line Cafe – DJ, Karaoke Fox’s Lair – Roger Enevoldsen French Market Grille West – Quiet Storm Greene Streets – Karaoke Hangnail Gallery – Another Broken Vehicle, Siclid, Murdercycle, The Helgas, CancerSlug The Helm – Karaoke Contest Honky Tonk – DJ Doug Romanella Imperial Theatre – Fairfield Four Joe’s Underground – Sabo and the Scorchers Last Call – Pre-Masters Bash Little Honky Tonk – Buster Hymen Marlboro Station – Claire Storm Metro Coffeehouse – Live Afternoon Bluegrass with Eryn Eubanks and the Family Fold Michael’s – Marilyn Adcock Modjeska – Augusta Rowing Club Bachelor Auction, DJ Ted Fortenberry Partridge Inn – Sandy B. and the All-Stars The Pourhouse – Tony Howard Band Red Carpet Events – Tony Williams Band Robbie’s Sports Bar – DJ Rusty The Shack – DJ Buckwheat Shannon’s – Karaoke with Peggy Soul Bar – Livingroom Legends, Josh Pierce Group, Shaun Piazza Band Stillwater Tap Room – The Deschamps Band

continued on page 48

“The Original Home of F & B Night!”

Sun 11pm-2am

$2.50 $2.50 $2.50 $1.00 Jager

Jager Bombs

$1.50 -

Cuervo

Bud Light Bottles

Off Entire Bar

METRO SPIRIT - MARCH 4, 2004

AFTER DARK brought to you in part by T.G.I. Friday’s

47

Disco Heaven

A ‘70s Costume Party Sat, March 19 Once again, it’s time to put on the polyester, the stacks and the afros for the biggest ‘70s costume party in town! All your favorite disco provided by Mr. Vinyl himself … DJ Ty Bess. Prizes awarded for best costume.

S WITH

S JAZZ SESSION THE BEE’S KNEES HOST MONIKER MARCH 6.

continued from page 47 Surrey Tavern – Soul Dimensions Wheeler Tavern – DJ Dog

Sunday, 7th Adams Lounge – DJ Cafe Du Teau – The Last Bohemian Quartet Marlboro Station – Sasha Orange Moon – Smooth Jazz Sunday with Emery Bennett Robbie’s Sports Bar – DJ Rusty Serendipity Café – Brandon Skelton The Shack – Karaoke with DJ Joe Steel, Sasha Shannon’s – Shelly Watkins Somewhere in Augusta – Jayson and Michael T.G.I. Friday’s – John and Pat Wheeler Tavern – Karaoke with DJ Dog

Monday, 8th Coliseum – Q.A.F. Continuum – Monday Madness Fox’s Lair – Open Mic Greene Streets – Karaoke Joe’s Underground – John Kolbeck Michael’s – Mike Swift

This is one of the biggest costume parties of the year!

Please arrive early due to limited occupancy. Doors open at 8pm.

Complimentary cocktails 8-9. Light hors d’oeuvres.

Costumes only until 11pm.

Tuesday, 9th Adams Lounge – Keith “Fossill” Gregory The Bee’s Knees – 12*Tone Lounge Coliseum – Tournament Tuesday D. Timm’s – The Section Fox’s Lair – Open Mic French Market Grille West – Wayne Capps Greene Streets – Karaoke Joe’s Underground – Ruskin Metro Coffeehouse – Irish Night with Sibin Michael’s – Marilyn Adcock Surrey Tavern – The Pat Blanchard Band

METRO SPIRIT - MARCH 4, 2004 48

706.303.9700

Peter Mayer – Adams Lounge – March 12 2 Live Crew – Crossroads – March 13, 15 DJ Monk – Modjeska – March 19 Return to Wonkaland Party – Last Call – March 20 Ralph Stanley – Imperial Theatre – March 21 DJ Smiles – Modjeska – March 27 Doyle Lawson and Quicksilver – Imperial Theatre – March 28 Bloodkin – Crossroads – April 2 Masters Massacre – Crossroads – April 9-10 Honestly – Crossroads – May 7

Elsewhere Starflyer 59 – Echo Lounge, Atlanta – March 4 Guster – Tabernacle, Atlanta – March 5 Big Head Todd and the Monsters – Roxy Theatre, Atlanta – March 6 Hoobastank, Linkin Park, P.O.D. – Philips Arena, Atlanta – March 6 Chingy, I-20, Ludacris – Tabernacle, Atlanta – March 11 Erykah Badu, Floetry – Fox Theatre, Atlanta – March 12 The Vines, Jet – Roxy Theatre, Atlanta – March 13 N.E.R.D., Black Eyed Peas – Tabernacle, Atlanta – March 15 Ted Leo, Pharmacists – 40 Watt Club, Athens, Ga. – March 15 British Sea Power – Echo Lounge, Atlanta – March 17 Grandaddy, Saves the Day, The Fire Theft – Tabernacle, Atlanta – March 19 French Kicks – 40 Watt Club, Athens, Ga. – March 23 Preston School of Industry – Tasty World, Athens, Ga. – March 24 John Vanderslice – The Earl, Atlanta – March 25 My Chemical Romance, Poison the Well, Thrice – The Masquerade, Atlanta – March 25 The Sleepy Jackson – Echo Lounge, Atlanta – March 26 Phantom Planet – 40 Watt Club, Athens, Ga. – March 27

Wednesday, 10th

$5 in costume - $10 without

813 broad

Upcoming

modjeskalounge.com

The Bee’s Knees – Heliocentric Cinema Blind Pig – Sabo and the Scorchers Club Argos – Dance Party, Claire Storm Coconuts – Karaoke Coliseum – Wacky Wednesdays Continuum – Open Mic Jam Sessions Coyote’s – The Rhes Reeves Band Crossroads – Doug James D. Timm’s – The Section Fox’s Lair – Karaoke, Open Mic Greene Streets – Karaoke Joe’s Underground – Keith “Fossill” Gregory Michael’s – Marilyn Adcock Playground – Karaoke Robbie’s Sports Bar – DJ Rusty Shannon’s – Bart Bell, Allen Black Somewhere in Augusta – Ruskin Yeargain Soul Bar – Live Jazz with Moniker Surrey Tavern – Pat and Adam Veracruz – Wayne Capps

Many tickets are available through TicketMaster outlets by calling 828-7700, or online at www.ticketmaster.com.

Tickets may also be available through Tix Online by calling 278-4TIX, online at www.tixonline.com or at their outlet location in Southgate Plaza. After Dark listings are subject to change without notice.

Deadline for inclusion in After Dark calendar is Tuesday at 4 p.m. Contact Rhonda Jones or Lisa Jordan by calling 738-1142, faxing 736-0443 or e-mailing to rhonda.jones@metrospirit.com or lisa.jordan@metrospirit.com.

Join Us

St. Patty’s Day

with

for Good Food, Good Times and Good Friends

Door Prizes Every Hour

Free Pig Pickin’ Starting at Noon Greene Streets Food & Spirits 402 11th Street 823-2002

Sunday, March 7 Weekly Special:

$3.75

11PM-2AM

$1.50 DOMESTIC PINTS $2 SELECTED APPETIZERS

$1.50 Budlight Bottles

Fried Mozzarella, Potato Skins, Potstickers, Onion Rings, Quesadillas

$2.50 Cuervo

2800 Washington Rd.

736-8888

$2.50 Jagerbombs $1 Off Entire Bar Weekly Specials

“The Original”

11PM-2AM Home of Food & Beverage Night!

METRO SPIRIT - MARCH 4, 2004

Don’t Forget About Food & Beverage Night Every Sunday!

$2.50 Jager

$2 Appetizers

49

New Happy Hour Times!

$1.50 Drafts

FEATURING LIVE MUSIC

BY JOHN & PAT

MONDAY-FRIDAY 9PM-11PM $1 OFF ENTIRE BAR

“The Original Home of F&B Night!”

$1.50 Drafts

Ciroc

NEW HAPPY HOUR

Food & Beverage Sunday!

$2 Appetizers

NEW HAPPY HOUR

Food & Beverage Sunday!

$2 Appetizers

$1.50 Drafts

New Happy Hour Times!

$1.50 Drafts

$2 Appetizers

Food & Beverage Sunday!

New Happy Hour Times!

New Happy Hour Times!

Food & Beverage Sunday!

News of the

Weir d

ST. PATRICK’S DAY CELEBRATION Wednesday, March 17 Augusta Common Eighth Street Plaza 1pm to 9pm 12pm to 10pm

Free-Children’s Area $5 Admission Live Entertainment • Dance • Food & Beverages • Children’s Activities

JOIN US FOR THE LARGEST ST. PATRICK’S DAY CELEBRATION YOU’VE EVER SEEN CALL

821-1754 FOR INFORMATION

Rick's PAINT & BODY

Quality Repair Is Your Choice ...

“Request Rick's”

50

METRO SPIRIT - MARCH 4, 2004

868-9224 Bobby Jones across from Wal-Mart

Owner Rusty Campbell

Serving Augusta since 1977

T

he Sacred Institution of Marriage: In February, Hindus in a village near Pondicherry, India, in a traditional ceremony believed to bring relief to a drought-stricken region, tried to appease the god of rain by “marrying” a neem tree (the bride) to a peepul tree (groom). (In 2002, News of the Weird reported the similar ceremony with two donkeys, and last year, in a wedding to vanquish bad luck from a 9-year-old girl, villagers in the Hooghly district of West Bengal, India, married her off to a dog.) And in Nice, France, in February 2004, Christelle Demichel wed her sweetheart Eric in a malefemale ceremony. Eric, however, had died in 2002 (killed by a drunk driver), but French law allows the marriage to proceed if the paperwork had been completed and if President Chirac approved (which he did).

News That Sounds Like a Joke • The Galveston, Texas, sheriff’s office admitted that Louis Radzielski, 20, had escaped from lockup in December by merely walking out the front door. According to Sheriff Gean Leonard, Radzielski crouched behind a woman who was being legitimately released and remained in step with her as she walked past the two officers working the booking counter. And in January in a Miami courtroom, while the lawyer for defendant Raymond Jessi Snyder vociferously protested a prosecutor’s demand that Snyder be locked up pending trial because he was a “flight risk,” Snyder slowly eased from his seat and bolted out the door. (He didn’t get far.)

• Among the modest amount of information revealed at the CIA’s new Science and Technology Museum, according to a December Associated Press story, is that early versions of a tiny spy camera mounted to the back of a pigeon failed because they were too heavy, forcing the pigeon in one test “to walk home.”

A Nation of Wimps Donald Johnson sued a West Palm Beach, Fla., Shoney’s restaurant for $55,000 because he thought its clam chowder was potato soup, and the chowder left him with nightmares; in January, he won $407 in damages. And in January, Tanisha Torres of Wyandanch, N.J., filed a lawsuit against Radio Shack because she was offended that a clerk had listed her hometown in the store’s records by a local joke name, “Crimedanch,” which she said makes her feel like a criminal. And William Tremmel filed a lawsuit in September against a company repairing the boardwalk at Virginia Beach, Va., after he used its portable toilet without permission; some of the workers, fed up with strangers using their facility, blocked Tremmel inside for 25 minutes before letting him out, for which “mental suffering” he now wants $100,000.

Great Art! • The Ukraine-born, Sweden-based artist Nathalia Edenmont defended her work against animal-rights protesters in December by claiming a higher virtue in killing animals if she does it to make an artistic point. Her latest artistic points (according to the owner of the Stockholm gallery exhibiting Edenmont’s work): Her photo of a hand with dead mice stuck on each finger representing the five stars of the former Soviet Union, which Edenmont believes was responsible for her mother’s murder, and a photo of several dead mice all pointing in the same direction representing the “cowardice” of Swedish society (Sydney Morning HeraldAFP, 12-13-03).

• “The Empty Museum” installation by Ilya and Emilia Kabakov consists of only four walls, representing the walls of a 19th-century art gallery, with nothing on them. According to a New York Times reviewer, “The blank walls and the spotlights suggest the cruel minimalist reduction and dematerialization of art, and most specifically, perhaps, the death of painting.” It is enjoying an apparently successful run through April in New York City.

Government in Action • Budget Necessities: The South Florida Sun-Sentinel reported in January that the La Jolla Playhouse in San Diego was hard at work producing a musical theater production based on the life of serial killer Andrew Cunanan, the 1997 murderer of his former lover Gianni Versace, for which the playhouse had received a $35,000 grant from the National Endowment for the Arts. And in October, the Milwaukee Metropolitan Sewerage District revealed, in a request for more funding, that it was paying a man about $460 a day to scoop used condoms from the chlorine tanks at its Jones Island plant.

More Bright Ideas • Police in Chartiers Township, Pa., arrested David Winniewicz, 36, in January after he allegedly used amateur subliminal sleep messaging to encourage his 10-year-old stepson to kill the boy’s 4-year-old brother.

Winniewicz’s wife said she found an audiotape of the episode with her husband’s voice instructing the sleeping boy on techniques (pillow over face, strangle with hands).

• Teachers working on contract in California prisons sued the state in December over security restrictions that they say require them to deliver the curriculum standing outside inmates’ cells (and, in some cases, hollering the lessons through the meal tray slots, which are the only openings in solid steel doors). Said a prison official, downplaying the teachers’ complaints, “It’s kind of like modified distance learning.”

— Chuck Shepherd

Brezsny’s Free Will

into your lungs. You didn’t actually cut down the trees used to make your house and furniture, but you colluded with their demise. Then there’s the psychological liquidation you’ve done: killing off old beliefs you’ve outgrown, for instance. I’m not trying to make you feel guilty, Virgo — just pointing out that you have a lot of experience with positive expressions of destruction. Can you think of other forms this magic takes? It’s your specialty these days.

Astr ology ARIES (March 21-April 19)

Do you ever feel an urge to kiss trees? Do animals sometimes talk to you? Can you predict the future by divining the way corn flakes float in the last puddle of milk in your bowl? Do you have a special fascination with chocolate roosters, statues of pro wrestlers and conspiracy theories?

Have you ever fantasized of being a transsexual spy? Are there patterns that resemble constellations on the soles of your feet? If you answered “yes” to two or more of these questions, you’re most likely an extraterrestrial who has amnesia or is in disguise. The upcoming week will be fantastic because events will remind you of life on your home planet. If you answered “no” to four or more questions, you’re probably not an alien, but for maximum comfort you should act like one this week.

TAURUS (April 20-May 20)

The world’s largest private bank, Citigroup, has agreed to stop financing projects that damage sensitive ecosystems. It has promised to invest more in projects that use renewable energy and to pursue policies that protect indigenous people.

How did this impossible dream come to pass? The humble but dogged environmental group, Rainforest Action Network, creatively pestered Citigroup for years until the corporation gave into its demands. I see a comparable David-overGoliath victory in your future, Taurus, so keep plugging away at your quixotic quest. For inspiration, recall Margaret Mead’s words: “Never doubt that a small group of thoughtful, committed citizens can change the world. Indeed, it’s the only thing that ever has.”

GEMINI (May 21-June 20)

If you live in the Northern Hemisphere, the sun is rising about a minute earlier each morning and setting a minute later every evening. As a result, you’re drinking in about 15 minutes more sunlight every week. The psychological effect of this

ACROSS

CANCER (June 21-July 22)

LEO (July 23-Aug. 22)

If you eventually become a millionaire philanthropist at some later date, it will probably be because of the forces you set in motion during the next three weeks. If, in the 22nd century, there arises a religious cult that worships you as a sex god or love goddess, it will be because of a seed you germinate very soon. Finally, Leo, if you are ultimately destined to discover the key to eternal youth, it will have a lot to do with the spacious new question you begin to ask now. These are days of awe and mystery.

ANSWER TO PREVIOUS PUZZLE W I N N E R

T L I E S W A D O M W S H O L O R A N K

S I E L E L Y O U A K S A I S P O H I N U T C H A A I T H D A E H A A

P O O F

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D I G S

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A T T A R

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O M M A E N N D T S U R B A T W R O E I N E N T G O I S P R I E D S E

A L O E

S T I N K D B A U N G G G C A U Z P E I B D O

S E O S S E O S E T R A P U R L O I N

I N T E N S E

bulletin board administrator 63 Most Mets games are on it: Abbr.

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name 2 Get going 3 Grocery items 4 Doesn’t run 5 Bananas 6 Top of the class 7 2004 … with a hint to the starts of 20-, 34- and 51-Across 8 Back-talker 9 Red-haired soprano 10 Weekendstarting cry 11 Member of an order 12 Slip in a pot 13 Go-ahead 21 Bout stopper, briefly 22 Trick ending 25 Eighth-century king 26 Tel. book contents 27 Plumber’s piece 29 Hi-___ monitor 30 It’s chaos 32 Pal

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French word

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Expanded Weekly Horoscope

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You can call Rob Brezsny, day or night, for your

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PISCES (Feb. 19-March 20)

Normally I endorse the proverb that says, “You can’t cross a chasm in two short jumps.” In your current state of grace, however, you just may be able to find a loophole in that cosmic law. The massive amounts of dumb luck that have been surging your way seem to be on the verge of mutating into out-and-out miracles. You could be the first anti-hero in your family line to turbocharge a quantum leap of faith in mid-leap.

— © Rob Brezsny

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AQUARIUS (Jan. 20-Feb. 18)

Since 1994, Mexico’s Zapatistas have evolved from a small guerrilla army fighting for the rights of indigenous people to an international cultural force whose battles are mostly waged with symbols and words. The Zapatista leader, who goes by the pseudonym Subcomandante Marcos, always appears in public wearing a mask.

Periodically, his old mask wears out and he has to replace it with a fresh one. Rumor has it that he has gone through 10 in 10 years. I think this would be a good standard for all of us to live up to: to molt our persona, or social mask, once a year. It’s about that time for you, Aquarius. Considering how much your inner world has transformed, it wouldn’t make sense for you to keep your same old game face much longer.

49 Seeking

damages 50 “It’s ___!” (“Simple!”)

51 Vivacity 52 Prairie building 53 Wood shaper 54 20-20, e.g.

55 Cabinet dept.

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METRO SPIRIT - MARCH 4, 2004

A R E A W A Y

experience it

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SCORPIO (Oct. 23-Nov. 21)

Some branches of Eastern religions teach the doctrine “kill out desire.” In their view, yearning for earthly pleasures is at the root of all human suffering. The Western religion of materialism takes the opposite tack, asserting that the meaning of life is to be found in enjoying earthly pleasures. Its message is “feed your raw longings like a French foie gras farmer cramming eight pounds of maize down a goose’s gullet every day.” We here at Free Will Astrology walk a middle path. We believe there are many degrading desires that enslave you and a few sacred desires that liberate you. Your mission in the coming weeks, Scorpio, is to identify the sacred kind and pursue them with your wild heart unleashed.

SAGITTARIUS (Nov. 22-Dec. 21)

VIRGO (Aug. 23-Sept. 22)

59 “Don’t ___ soul!”

60 Modern: Ger. 61 Astronauts

It’s a perfect time to launch an uprising against God. Due to a favorable alignment of your sign, the “rebel goddess” asteroid Lilith and Cruithne, Earth’s “second moon,” you have special leeway with the Supreme Being. It’s almost certain that you won’t be punished if you complain to Him about the injustices he has allowed to fester in your life. In fact, expressing your angry protest may even get things changed for the better. Sometimes the squeaky wheel really does get the grease, even in divine matters.

Your power this week will come primarily from decisions not made, words not spoken, actions not taken and spaces not filled. Everything you need will arrive if you have created enough emptiness. Everything you love will thrive if it has the freedom to do and be nothing. To ensure that you never succumb to the pressure of Type A bullies who think every moment has to be filled with ambitious commotion, steal away often to stare dreamily out the window and listen to the sound of silence.

In order to live, you’ve got to be a demolisher. You take plants and animals that were once alive and rip them apart with your teeth, then disintegrate them in your digestive system. Your body is literally on fire inside, burning up oxygen you suck

cavities!,” e.g. happening 34 Padlocks, say 38 Finnish architect 4 Wows, in Alvar ___ comedy 9 Pub decoration 40 Irish girl’s name 41 “The Paper 14 Put one past Chase” topic 15 Out of port 16 Home without a 44 Capital south of Chernobyl refrigerator 45 Sleep: Prefix 17 Post office 47 Memorable delivery: Abbr. kicker 18 Represent 48 MGM motto 19 Israeli party word 20 “Whatever!”

49 “Ditto” 23 Chores 50 Name that 24 Active sorts means 25 King’s home “beloved” 28 Roman emperor 51 Sales rep’s need after Galba 53 Company 29 Cook, as beans famous for Centipede and 30 Premier under Battlezone Mao 56 Tangle 31 Union with 2.7 mil. members 57 Muscle car 32 Out of shape 58 “Eat!”

S A N C T U M

LIBRA (Sept. 23-Oct. 22)

Many people have come to feel that nature is boring, notes educator Thomas Poplawski. Writing in “Renewal” magazine, he fingers TV’s hyperactive imagery as the cause. In becoming addicted to this alternative reality, the mass audience has become numb to the more slow-paced entertainment value of trees and mountains and streams and clouds. Have you been contaminated? Has your capacity for patient observation and reverent objectivity been damaged? If so, this is a perfect astrological moment to seek the cure. I urge you to wander out into the wild places and stay there until you see how interesting they are.

33 “Look, ma, no

1 Séance

New York Times Crossword Puzzle

steady influx has been slowly growing, and, in concert with certain astrological influences, will soon reach critical mass. As a result, you will become sun-like: a luminous beacon of warmth.

Everything you shine upon will look brighter, and your own beauty will be highly visible, too. It will be a perfect time, therefore, to make a dramatic move that helps you pursue your dreams harder and smarter.

CAPRICORN (Dec. 22-Jan. 19)

It’s time for a check-in, Capricorn. What progress have you been making in your work on this year’s major assignments? As I suggested last December, you’re most likely to attract good fortune in 2004 if you regularly break out of your comfort zone and go wandering in unfamiliar places. You’ll discover fresh secrets about how to feel happy and healthy whenever you dip into an experimental mode and try things you’ve never tried before.

Alas, I fear many of you have yet to make a wholehearted commitment to this thrilling quest. But if you have been waffling, it’s the perfect week to dive in. And if you did take the plunge a while ago, you’ll harvest a big reward any day now.

The Advice Goddess

Amy Alkon

I

’m a guy, 27, college-educated, wellemployed and attractive, but it’s been three years since I’ve dated anyone. My family is far away, my friends have all moved away or married and I can’t date women I meet at work because they’re all clients. I’m not interested in joining clubs, taking classes or advertising in the personals, and I think talking to strangers on the street is simply odd. Basically, I refuse to work at dating. By that I mean meeting people should be natural and fun. So am I just unlucky, or is there something I’m not doing?

— How Solo Can I Go?

“Meeting people should be natural and fun!”

Yes, and my dog should get up off the couch and bring me my thesaurus.

Perhaps your aggressively passive approach to picking up women has proved successful in other areas of your life: “Getting a job should be natural and fun!” Maybe you simply waited for potential employers to sidle up to you and murmur seductively, “Hey, stockbroker boy ... how ‘bout we get you drunk and watch you trade pork belly futures?” First, of course, they had to track you down — just not at clubs, classes or your current job, via friends or relatives or in the classifieds.

(Where? Jail? Your walk-in closet? The middle of a busy intersection?)

Slouching around waiting for mobs of women to chase you down the street and plead for your

company can be an effective technique — for any men who happen to be Justin Timberlake. If, however, “young, gorgeous, world-famous rock star” is not how people generally describe you, you might consider a more proactive approach.

Acknowledging how hard it is to meet somebody should help you drop-kick your silly restrictions. If you’re like a lot of people, you’re a Mars mission away from your old circle of friends and family, and work is more 5-9 (as in, 5 a.m. to 9 p.m.) than 9-5. If girl clients and coworkers are off-limits, who does that leave — the 9,000-year-old office cleaning lady who shakes you awake so she can vacuum under your desk? No wonder, about 10 years back, the personals stopped being seen as the last resort of the rare, pathetically desperate person. These days, they’re the first stop for just about anybody who’d like to have a date or two before they’re ashes in an urn.

In fact, desperate has become the new normal — hence, the massive billboard I spotted outside the famous Pink’s hot dog stand in Los Angeles: “Wife wanted. White male, nice looking, great sense of humor, financially secure, loves to travel, seeks fun fit female (age 32-46) with a great smile and a wonderful heart.” Forget agonizing about approaching women on the street; this guy has to contract with a call center every time a bus passes.

Unfortunately, this is just a prelude to the traditional first date: two wary strangers at opposite

ends of a dinner table, alternately circling and being circled like a mountain lion moving in on something small, furry and soon-to-be dinner.

Now, there’s a sure lead-in to conversation that’s “natural and fun!” — if your idea of a screaming good time is hours of interrogation by customs agents, followed by that special medical exam where the loudest sound in the room is the snap of the doctor’s latex gloves.

Maybe that’s why there’s no French word for date. French people go out in groups, gathering with friends at bars and restaurants. The point is having a good time, not mass-interviewing candidates for “The One.” But say, for example, Jean-Claude thinks Marie-Chantal is “la bombe.” He could turn the evening into a personal fact-finding mission, stopping just short of asking for a urine sample. But why — when he can simply observe her in her natural habitat, talking and laughing with friends? If they like each other and have chemistry, they’ll go out — not as strangers, but as acquain-

tances with friends in common.

Speaking of friends in common, where do you live, in a gated community of the very married?

You don’t have to be French to have a social circle; just make an effort to fill your life with people and events. Picture the woman you want, imagine where she hangs out and go there.

(Yes, take a pass on the leg-waxing.)

Accessorize with woman-friendly props like a bandanna-necked dog or a baby. Dogless?

Childless? As Justin would say, minor “wardrobe malfunctions” — easily repaired by buddying up with a married dad, with dog, on babysitting duty. Will this send mobs of single women chasing after you, begging you to tear off their tops? Probably not. Still, you’re sure to bump into one or two more than you would while waiting for the perfect woman to pop out of your couch cushions and offer you more beer and chicken wings.

— © 2004, Amy Alkon

Got A Problem?

Write Amy Alkon 171 Pier Ave. Box 280 Santa Monica, CA 90405 AdviceAmy@aol.com

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Seeking honest, romantic SBM, similar interests, for dating, possible LTR. !894568 DREAM GUY SBF, 29, searching for open-minded, outgoing SM, 22-38, military man A+, for friendship, fun nights out, dancing, talks and maybe more. !836990 FRIEND IN FAITH SBF, 47, Capricorn, N/S, involved with church, very creative, artistic, designs tile and cards. Seeking BCM, 44-58, involved with church, who loves the Lord. !707742 CLOSER TO FINE SBF, 58, retired school teacher, N/S, enjoys traveling and tv. Seeking BM, 50-65, educated (high school at least, please), who enjoys having good clean fun. !909981 ISO CHRISTIAN VALENTINE SWCF, 61, outgoing, Libra, N/S, seeks SWCM, 59-65, with whom to share Christ, friendship, and laughter. Must be family-oriented, kind, outgoing, emotionally/financially secure. Let’s give our friendship a try. !911830 TALL BROWN SUGAR SBF, 25, 5’9”, N/S, enjoys movies, concerts, quiet times, and good music. Seeking WM, 23-30, N/S, no children. !906840 WANNA DANCE? SWF, 57, seeks dance partner for Salsa and Square Dancing! Any size, shape, big or tall, short or small, matters not! It’s the footwork that counts! Beginner-intermediate level. !898986 WAITING FOR YOU SB mom, 24, Virgo, seeks a man for days at the park, the mall, or at the movies, and spending time with family and friends. !883496 LOOKING FOR YOU SWF, 37, 5’6”, Scorpio, N/S, enjoys mountains, bowling, the beach and music. Seeking WM, 35-48, N/S, to be a companion, friend. !456544 I WANT TO LOVE YOU SBF, 18, 5’2”, Cancer, enjoys writing poetry, walks on the beach, hanging out and enjoying life. Seeking BM, 18-24, who will treat her right, and expects the same in return. !880193 HIKER HEAVEN SWF, 45, full-figured, N/S, enjoys church, exploring, old movies, auctions, and gym.

Seeking WM, 46-56, N/S. Let’s make tracks together. !807679 ALL YOU NEED IS LOVE Honest SWF, 28, 5’10”, 210lbs, blonde/blue, enjoys classic rock, horror movies, and quiet nights at home. Seeking SW/HM, 18-40, for friendship, possible LTR. !874789

LOVE OF LIFE Attractive, classy, vivacious SWCF, 50ish, N/S, N/D, seeks SWCM, N/S, N/D, who is honest, financially/mentally secure, and ready for commitment. !875741 SIMPLE KIND OF LIFE SWF, 34, listens to country and oldies music, and wants to meet a man to cuddle up on the couch and watch a good movie, or enjoy other simple pleasures. !860787 JAZZY MISS Slender and attractive SBPF, 31, loves music, conversation, travel. Seeking kind, friendly, honest and family-oriented SBM, 30-38, for fun times. !865339 LOOKING FOR ME Female, 34, Leo, smoker, seeks man, 25-38, for romance, real friendship, with similar interests, possibly more later on. !844726 OLD-FASHIONED LADY SWCF, 48, 5’3”, 150lbs, blonde/green, Scorpio, N/S, enjoys church, Bible studies, music, dining out. Seeking SWCM, 35-60, N/S, for friendship and more. !840939 SOMEONE TO LOVE SWF, 48, enjoys a good horror movie, a drama or a comedy. Seeking a man for romance, quiet times at home, or just dancing the night away! !832399 ADVENTUROUS MOM SBF, 29, Cancer, N/S, loves beaches, horror movies, and horseback riding. Seeking man, 25-40, N/S, strong-minded, who loves kids. !808682 LOVES TO BOWL WF, 48, petite, Capricorn, N/S, enjoys Chicano cuisines. Seeking WM, 46-59, N/S, very outgoing, for LTR. !806136 HI! I’m a 49-year-old SWF and I WLTM a onewoman’s man, very lonely person. I WLTM a gentleman who would to be good to me and treat me w/kindness and gentleness. !793024 A VERY SERIOUS WOMAN SBPF, 34, mother of 3, nurse, independent and secure, enjoys church, movies, dining. looking for commitment-minded, level-headed, spiritual, spontaneous, respectful man, who truly appreciates a good woman. Sound like you? !777612 AQUARIUS SEEKING SWF, 46, 5’6”, smoker, enjoys cuddling, movies, gardening. Seeking honest, handsome SWM, 40-50, with similar interests, with similar interests, for friendship, possible LTR. !759515 THE LORD, ABOVE ALL SBCF, 38, Pisces, N/S, in the medical field (works private duty), would like to meet SBCM, 38-50, who shares my love of the Lord, for LTR. !727626 SEARCHING FOR MR RIGHT SBPF, 39, Libra, loves church, traveling, movies, and dining out. Seeking SBPM, 3760, for possible LTR. !421273 YOU KNOW WHAT TO DO SBF, 39, Leo, N/S, seeks BM, 38-45, downto-earth, very direct and straightforward, to have fun with. !582549 WHAT DO YOU HAVE TO LOSE? SWF, 48, Cancer, N/S, seeks WM, 40-56, who wants to have a great relationship. Why not give me a call? You never know. !511453 WHOLE LOTTA LOVE SBF, 33, would like to share movies, dinners, quiet evenings at home, the usual dating activities, with a great guy. !463610 MORE THAN AVERAGE Slender SBF, 53, 5’2”, independent, Aries, smoker, loves music, conversation, laughter.

Seeking independent, mature SBM, 48-65, for friendship first. !369627

To become a member, call 1-888-223-7044 To listen and respond to ads, call 1-900-226-8908 Calls cost $1.99 per min., Must be 18+.

To respond to ads using a

SEEKING FRIENDSHIP SBM, 6’1”, 214lbs, enjoys indoor activities.

Seeking masculine SW/BM, honest, sincere, who is looking for new friendships. !737679 ACTIVE SBM SBM, 49, Pisces, N/S, enjoys bowling, movies, playing sports, seeks compatible BM, 30-46, N/S, with similar interests. !846543

HEALTHY AND FIT SBM, 25, 5’5”, 170lbs, masculine, nighttime inventory stocker, Capricorn, N/S, enjoys working out. Seeking energetic, passionate, masculine WM, 20-50, N/S. !708544 GLOVERVILLE GUY GWM, Capricorn, N/S, loves bars, karaoke, cooking out, and pool. Seeking GWM, 28-49, smoker, to cuddle up with. !936256 EASY TO TALK TO SWM, 48, loves good Italian or French cuisine, and is looking for a man who is easy to get along with, for romance. !870126 LET’S SADDLE UP SWM, 27, 5’8”, brown/brown, Virgo, smoker, loves horses, camping (with or without the horses), and traveling. Seeking man, 25-40, who can ride, ride, ride. !921725 TAKE A CHANCE GWM, 43, 6’2”, 195lbs, black brown, seeks other GWM, for fun times and maybe something more. !493530 DOGGONE LOVEABLE SWM, 37, Gemini, smoker, nature and animal lover (especially puppies), seeks outgoing, down-to-earth man, 20-70, for friendship. !909184 FUN-FILLED DAYS AWAIT SBM, 24, enjoys taking trips, nice restaurants, fun evenings, dancing, quality time together. Seeking masculine SBM, 20-55, for possible relationship. !894435 LOOKING FOR COOL CAT... to converse with. SBM, 34, Capricorn, N/S, game and drama-free, seeks BM, 26-48, serious-minded, with sense of direction in life. !889038 GREAT PERSONALITY SBM, 18, 6’3”, 220lbs, masculine build, seeking SBM, 18-29, very masculine, energetic, fun-loving, to go out for dinners, walks and more. !627150 LET’S GET TOGETHER GWPM, 37, 5’9”, brown/brown, who enjoys reading, movies, politics, entertainment, seeks a guy for dating, possibly growing into more. !883365 I WANT TO MEET YOU! GBM, 32, 5’7”, average build, Pisces, N/S, likes reading, movies, dining out, travel, sports. Seeking outgoing, caring GWM, 2445, with similar interests, for friendship, possible LTR. !850885 SEEKS MAN WITH DIRECTION GBM, 33, Capricorn, N/S, seeks understanding, level-headed, secure GBM, 25-48, with similar interests, for friendship, possible LTR. !854633 INTERESTED? Independent SWM, 37, 5’8”, 150lbs, brown/brown, would like to meet fun-loving, honest, real, professional, secure female to share dates, talks, walks, dinners and romance. !848764 FUN TO HANG AROUND WITH GWM, 52, 5’2”, smoker, enjoys playing pool, having fun, seeks outgoing GWM, 40-55, smoker, with similar interests. !844895 SEEKING SPECIAL GENTLEMAN SBM, 33, 6’2”, 245lbs, Taurus, N/S, likes movies, camping, music, reading, sports.

Seeking out GM, 35-48, for friendship, possible romance. !824261 SEEKING SOMEONE SINCERE GWM, 42, 5’11”, 175lbs, brown/blue, somewhat masculine, outgoing and friendly, likes dining out, travel, movies and shopping.

Looking to meet honest, passionate SBM, with similar interests, for dating, possible LTR. !769411 FRIENDSHIP FIRST GWM, 26, 5’3”, athletic build, N/S, likes sports, working out, travel, reading, swimming. Seeking non-smoking GW/AM, 20-26, with similar interests. !764332 RELAXING AT HOME SBM, 35, Virgo, N/S, likes relaxing at home, fun, concerts, trips going to the beach. Seeks fun, spontaneous SBM, 26-37, N/S. !532700

54

METRO SPIRIT - MARCH 4, 2004

How do you

LET’S MEET FOR COFFEE Good-looking GWM, 36, 6’, 200lbs, muscular, tan, enjoys working out, yard work, spending time with my dogs. Looking for attractive SM, 32-48, for dating, maybe leading to LTR. !436231 ME IN A NUTSHELL WM, 18, brown/blue, medium build, looking for fun, outgoing, energetic guy, 18-30, for movies, hanging out, quiet evenings at home, and more. Friends first, maybe becoming serious. !425471

WHY WAIT? SWF, 38, 5’6”,140lbs, short brown hair, easygoing, enjoys playing golf, the beach.

Seeking feminine female, 20-40, to have fun times and more. !448489 SOMETHING SPECIAL DWF, 45, 5’8”, 145lbs, two kids at home, loves heavy metal music. Seeking SWF, 3050, likes being around kids, for possible LTR. !945525 AFRICAN-AMERICAN STUD Open-minded, spontaneous, laid-back SBF, 23, Pisces, N/S, loves R&B and old-school music. Seeking feminine woman, 25-50, race not important, who loves to have fun. !919677

LOVES CHILDREN Easygoing, nice SF, 32, looking for someone with the same qualities, 29-39, and a people person. !388943 READY TO HAVE FUN! SF, 25, seeks femme, 25-35, race not important, who is nice, pretty, slim. Let’s talk and get to know one another! !895256 WAITING FOR YOU SBF, 19, is in search of a friend first, maybe more with time, with a lady who likes to get out and have fun. !874312 ONLY A WOMAN WILL KNOW GBF, Capricorn, N/S, likes reading, movies, dining out, travel, sports. Seeking outgoing, caring GWF, 27-52, N/S, with similar interests, for dating and more. !850614 THE SWEETEST THING SBF, 26, 5’8”, 145lbs, wants to get out and have fun with a new friend, maybe more with time. !832018 1 YOU’VE BEEN LOOKING FOR BiWF, 27, enjoys everything, promises you won’t regret it. If you’re looking for a good time and friendship, I’ll be perfect for you. !830500 PLAYS GUITAR, WRITES... poetry, and rollerblades.

NativeAmerican/African-American female, 18, 5’5”, 117lbs, very toned, laid-back, a goofball at times, N/S, seeks woman, 18-29. !818596 BONEVILLE BABE SWF, 31, 5’5”, 130lbs, brown/green, smoker, enjoys playing golf, movies, and picnics at the lake. Seeking WF, 25-40, for friends, possibly more. !818908

DIVA WITH DIMPLES Independent DWF, 23, Gemini, smoker, enjoys hip-hop, R&B, and country music.

Seeking WF, 20-30, smoker, for friendship, possible romance. !808179 GET TO KNOW ME SBF, 25, Taurus, N/S, enjoys movies, travel.

Seeking woman, 21-30, N/S, for friendship, possible romance. !803723 A LOT TO OFFER Non-smoking GBF, 37, N/S, seeks very attractive, unique, romantic, fun, intelligent, feminine GF, 27-37, for friendship, dating, possibly more. !749660 A NEW BEGINNING Attractive and outgoing SWF, 5’ 5”, Athletic build, 20, Aquarius, smoker, loves the outdoors, camping and hiking. Seeking WF, 2150, for LTR. !751226 JUST THE FACTS SBPF, 41, Libra, N/S, seeks PF, age and race unimportant, who enjoys dining out, quiet times at home, and movies, for LTR. !730225 ENJOYS BOWLING SBF, 32, Gemini, N/S, 5’3”, 145lbs, mother of one, enjoys movies, the mall, dining, going out to eat, bowling, quiet times at home, seeks woman, 21-38, for friendship, possible romance. !646271 BEAUTIFUL AND FEMININE GWF, 32, 5’7”, 135lbs, enjoys reading, movies, dining out, travel, sports, music, movies. Seeking GWF, 25-39, with similar interests, for friendship, possible LTR. !329063

much more than just a great way to meet people.

© 2004 TPI GROUP

A LITTLE TLC DWM, 49, 5’11”, 195lbs, homeowner, financially secure, enjoys cooking, home life, motorcycle riding. Looking for attractive WF, 35-50, with similar interests. !938440 PLEASE, PLEASE ME SWM, 32, N/S, N/D, is looking for a woman, 27-35, with a petite build, to share good times, conversations and maybe more. !871092 YOU AND ME SHM, 30, 5’7”, black/black, with tanned skin, enjoys sports, and is looking for a woman, 20-32, to share the fun stuff of life. !881180 AVERAGE JOE SWM, 52, is in search of a woman who enjoys games of golf, riding motorcycles, trips to the beach, or anything with the right guy. !861645 GIVE ME A TRY SBM, 30, Virgo, N/S, likes reading, movies, dining out, travel, sports. Seeking outgoing, caring woman, 18-40, N/S, with similar interests, for LTR. !851101 ONE SIMPLE WOMAN? SBM, 41, Leo, smoker, retired military and fireman, seeks SHF, 20-50, smoker, with simple tastes, for dating and possible relationship. !844123 GIVE ME A CALL SWM, 40, 5’8”, 185lbs, salt-n-pepper/green, N/S, enjoys fishing, horseback riding, stargazing, martial arts, reading, quiet times home. Seeking that special woman to share life, laughs and maybe love. !834688 DARE YOU TO ENJOY LIFE SWM, 35, 5’10”, with above-average looks, military officer, N/S, loves travel. ISO an exciting, adventurous woman, 22-50, N/S, who likes to have fun. !830590 LOOKING FOR YOU SBM, 34, 6’2”, 235lbs, N/S, loves cooking, and loves to romance you. Seeking woman, 20-40. If you’re reading this ad, let’s hook up. !815532 CAPRICORN SWM, 36, 5’10”, average build, smoker, seeks a sweet WF, 28-46, for friendship, possible romance. !818386 OPEN-MINDED, EASYGOING SWM, 27, 5’8”, 125lbs, blond/blue, smoker, loves pizza. Seeking WF, 25-45, smoker, for friendship, possible romance. !819355 HIDDEN TREASURE Male, 27, 5’9”, 160lbs, blond/blue, Aries, N/S, seeks WF, 18-30, a straight shooter, who can appreciate an authentic Mr. Nice Guy type. !819406 WELL-ROUNDED MAN Educated SBPM, 41, 5’11”, loves reading, working out, the arts, dining out, travel, quiet times. Would like to meet SWF, 30-45, with similar interests, for fun, friendship, and maybe more. !442021 HEART OF GOLD SWM, 31, 6’3”, 210lbs, brown/blue, enjoys reading, movies, travel, sports. Seeking outgoing, attractive SF, with similar interests, for friendship, possible LTR. !556440

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Classifieds Alt. Lifestyles

THE COLISEUM

Premier Entertainment Complex & High Energy Dance Music

Thursday, Mar 4th Karaoke w/ Dana Friday, Mar 5th Petite & Alexis Saturday, Mar 6th Hot Boy Gabriel

Mind, Body & Spirit

MARLBORO STATION !

! ! !

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Drink Specials: FRI & SAT Famous Beer Bust All You Can Drink $9

Open Mon-Fri 8pm-3am Sat 8pm-2:30am

Fri & Sat. No Cover Before 10 p.m.

1632 Walton Way • Augusta, GA

706-733-2603

Email: ColiseumAugusta@aol.com

!

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$1.00 D ra Every N ft ight All Nigh t

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Train for a Rewarding Career in Massage Therapy in only 7 months Call Today for Details!

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“UNDER NEW OWNERSHIP” STARLIGHT CABARET THURS - Dance Party FRI - Stephanie Ross

SAT - Claire Storm SUN- Sasha

733-2040

141 Marlboro Street, N.E. Aiken S.C. • 803-644-6485

DOORS OPEN AT 8:00 THURS, FRI, SAT, & SUN • 8PM-2AM

18 to Party • 21 to Drink • No Cover With This Ad

Augusta School of Massage Inc.

3512 1/2 Wheeler Road • Augusta, GA 30909 Private Investigator

READINGS BY

C A R D

Rosedale Transport Needs OTR Drivers, both team and solo.

If you have one year experience, CDL Class A with haz-mat, good driving record. Home weekly, 1-800-486-3681 (03/04#8378) Experienced Seamstress Required PT & FT Call, 706-724-7220 (03/11#8376)

Equipment WOLFF TANNING BEDS

AFFORDABLE • CONVENIENT Tan At Home Payments From $25/month FREE Color Catalog Call Today 1-800-842-1305 (03/25#8320)

Business Opportunity Be your own boss!

Unlimited income potential marketing a service everyone needs. Low star t-up-cost; training provided.

Call Lisa Barret t, Independent Associate, 706.210.5530 (03/18#8375)

59 People needed to lose weight!

All natural, doctor recommended 100% Guaranteed Call for free sample, 706-284-7650 (03/25#8368)

www.metrospirit.com

Mrs. Graham, Psychic Reader, Advises on all affairs of life, such as love, marriage, and business. She tells your past, present and future. Mrs. Graham does palm, tarot card, and Chakra balancing. She specializes in relationships and reuniting loved ones.

Premier Investigations •Domestic •Child Custody •Surveillance •Background Checks 706-869-1667 (03/04#8390)

Travel

Open from 9 a.m. til 9 p.m.

Call (706) 733-5851

Professional Massage By experienced male.

Designed for healthy men 18 - 55 only.

A great way to relax House & Hotel Calls Only 706-589-9139 (03/04#8394)

Music

Understanding the Mind: Tuesdays, 7 - 8:30 PM, March 2nd & 9th & March 23rd-April 13th at the Unitarian Church of Augusta.

3501 Walton Way Ex tension.

Ganden Buddhist Center (803) 256-0150 or www.MeditationInSouthCarolina.org (03/04#8374)

GUARANTEED SOLUTIONS

LICENSED • INSURED

706-869-9988

www.sundownconstruction.com

Telephone Service

Cadillac’s Carnival Cruise Four days to the Bahamas September 26, 2004 All inclusive: • Meals • Enter tainment • ALCOHOL & NON-ALCOHOLIC Beverages For a low price, star ting at $410.00/pp Book now for a great vacation with your friends and the staff from Cadillac's.

For details call 414-9392 or 828-5800 at The Vacation Shoppe (03/25#8380)

Unlimited Long-Distance & Local Calling One Price, One Bill, One Company Keep Your Same Phone # Call 1-800-392-4050 Eula NEX X Independent Rep www.nex xrep.com/134741 (03/25#8377)

Wheels

Dead Bodies Wanted

We want your dead junk or scrap car bodies.

We tow away and for some we pay.

706/829-2676

OR

706/798-9060

Email your classified ad to classified@metrospirit.com

55

MASTERS PARTY? Live jazz for Masters gatherings, private par ties, weddings, etc.

Acoustic Jazz Quintet. Book Now! Call 738-5606 (03/04#8379)

• French Drains • Gutter Drains • Catch Basins • Erosion Control • Waterproofing • Crawl Space

Love & Light Healing Center 2477 Wrightsboro Road 706-733-8550 or cell 951-1300 (03/04#8370)

Massage Therapy $5.00 OFF, call Pager 706-844-0039 770-490-3608

Poor Water Drainage?

Love’s Wedding Chapel All types of ceremonies NO BLOOD TEST!!!!

NO WAITING PERIOD!!!!

341 S. Belair Rd.

Religion

Metropolitan Community Church of Our Redeemer A Christian Church reaching to all: including Gay, Lesbian, and Transgendered Christians.

Meeting at 557 Greene Street, 11 am and 6 pm each Sunday. 722-6454 MCCOurRedeemer@aol.com www.mccoor.com (03/04#8128)

RAY WILLIAMSON & ASSOCIATES Private Investigations 17 years experience Domestic Relations and Child Custody Cases Licensed and Bonded in Georgia & Carolina 706-854-9672 or 706-854-9678 fax (03/04#8389)

Services

METRO SPIRIT - MARCH 4, 2004

General Help Wanted

R E A D I N G S

SPECIAL READINGS WITH CARD

MRS. GRAHAM

Employment

Pilates

Begin a New Career in Massage Therapy

Aiken’s Ultimate Dance Club ! !

Call 738-1142 to place your Classified ad today!

Au

l a C n a r u g usta C Coo ise k & o 17th Annual

ut

Paddle, Pedal & Party!

N AT I O N A L H E R I TA G E A R E A

May 1, 2004 Celebrate Springtime along the Augusta Canal Paddle on the water or Pedal along the towpath and Party at the Augusta Canal at Enterprise Mill. Enjoy barbeque from Sconyers and bluegrass from Erin Eubanks and the Family Fold. Plus hop aboard the Canal’s Petersburg tour boats and take a trip through the Interpretive Center. It’s all part of the 17th annual Augusta Canal Cruise and Cookout!

Fun Activities for All Ages: ! New Petersburg tour boats - Boats depart from the docks throughout the afternoon. ! Free Admission to the Augusta Canal Interpretive Center - for all Cruise and Cookout ticket holders.

Check out the great interactive exhibits! ! Canoeing - $40 per person includes canoe, life jacket, security and bus transportation from the Mill to the Headgates. (Children must be 7 and older and accompanied by a parent.) ! Bicycling - $20 per person includes mid-ride refreshment station. Ride begins and ends at the Enterprise Mill. ! Kayaking - $15 per person. Bring your kayak and follow the canoers to Enterpise Mill. Then join the party! ! Picnic Only - $15 per person. Includes Interpretive Center and Petersburg tour boat ride.

All tickets include refreshments, admission to the barbeque at the Mill, admission to the Augusta Canal Interpretive Center, and a Petersburg boat ride (as space is available). The first 150 people to register to canoe, kayak or cycle receive a free Canal Cruise t-shirt!

Registration Deadline: Friday April 30th, noon.

Check-in begins at 1 p.m. at the Augusta Canal Headquarters at Enterprise Mill

Aug usta Canal Cruise & Cookout For more details call 706-823-0440 or visit www.AugustaCanal.com

Andy Jordan’s Bicycle Warehouse AWOL-American Wilderness Outfitters Communigraphics Publix and Publix Charities Sconyers Barbeque Taylor Auto Group