Metro Spirit 03.08.2012 by Metro Spirit

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Want to advertise in the Metro Spirit? 706.496.2535 or 706.373.3636 Metro Spirit is a free newspaper published weekly on Thursday, 52 weeks a year. Editorial coverage includes local issues and news, arts, entertainment, people, places and events. In our paper appear views from across the political and social spectrum. The views do not necessarily represent the views of the publisher. Visit us at metrospirit.com.© 15 House, LLC. Owner/Publisher: Joe White. Legal: Phillip Scott Hibbard. Reproduction or use without permission is prohibited. One copy per person, please.

INSIDER JENNY IS WRIGHT AUGUSTA TEK AUSTIN RHODES

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INSIDER@THEMETROSPIRIT.COM Insider is an anonymous, opinion-based examination of the hidden details of Augusta politics and personalities.

SIDER

You’ve Been Played The whole thing was calculated, well played and ultimately successful. Rush Limbaugh’s ploy to get back in the national spotlight worked perfectly last week, when the syndicated right wing political talk show host publically made fun of Georgetown law student Sandra Fluke, who testified in front of a congressional committee that the expense of her birth control should be covered by her company’s healthcare plan. Limbaugh called her a slut and a prostitute and suggested that, in exchange for the free contraception, she should post videos of her sexual escapades.

After being on the air so long, Limbaugh’s shtick is predictable and quite effective. On one hand, the Republican Party bows to his power, so he is in effectively a king maker. On the other hand, for ratings and income sake, he is given a pass by conservatives to say things to get himself injected back to the forefront of the news of the day, where instead of being king maker, he gets to make the argument that he’s merely an entertainer. So what was the national discussion leading up to Super Tuesday? Rush Limbaugh. And everyone plays along.

Neals Indicted

Letter to the Editor

Former Summerville Neighborhood Association President Joe Neal Jr. and his wife, Caroline Caldwell Neal, have been indicted on charges that they raped their 18-year-old babysitter. Neal, who is 43, twice filed for divorce against Caroline Caldwell Neal, who is 23, and the day after the girl reported the incident, Caroline Caldwell Neal allegedly hit and scratched Neal repeatedly in front of his 13-year-old son. Though the dual rape charges are significant, legal experts say they will be difficult to prove, since a conviction requires a level of force that is reportedly not there with this case. However, the motivation does not seem in doubt. The two were described by a law enforcement official with intimate knowledge of the case as being “bat sh** crazy.”

We, Too, Have Readership That Spans the Globe

THUMBS

Elton John brought a full band to a sold-out James Brown Arena Tuesday night, a true five-star performance.

down

Elton also played to a sold-out crowd (of 400) at Rush Limbaugh’s fourth wedding two years ago to a woman 26 years his junior. Hopefully she is on government-funded contraception.

To the Metro Spirit: For most people, St. Patrick’s Day is a day of parades, parties, leprechauns and green beer. But just as Christmas is about more than commercialized fun, so too does St. Patrick’s Day have a deeper meaning. St. Patrick’s Day began as a religious holiday honoring St. Patrick — a holy bishop sent to Ireland in 433 A.D. by Pope Celestine I to draw its people into the fold of Christ’s universal church. Upon his arrival at Ireland’s shores, St. Patrick encountered many setbacks and persecutions by the superstitious Druids who had employed magicians to maintain their sway over the Irish race. Despite severe trials, St. Patrick was able to convert all of Ireland and conquer paganism. He is thus credited with driving the Celtic “snakes” out of Ireland. St. Patrick is credited with many miracles and is responsible for the building of several Catholic schools, monasteries and churches throughout Ireland. He is known for his powerful expositions of the principles of the Catholic faith. He even employed the ordinary, little, three-leaved shamrock plant to teach people about the Blessed Trinity. He was called to his heavenly reward on March 17, 461. St. Patrick was a humble, pious, gentle man, whose total love, devotion and trust in God should be a shining example to each of us. Sincerely Yours, Paul Kokoski Hamilton, Ontario, Canada

Everyone is heading to the NEW

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Faulty System Though news leaked out Monday regarding a city investigation into time fraud at the Recreation, Parks and Facilities Department, insiders are reporting that time fraud is just the tip of a very large and very dirty iceberg. The Insider has assembled several first-hand accounts from probationers serving out their community service at the Recreation Department. Not only does the Rec Department get free labor from Sentinel Offender Services, the company in charge of the city’s probation services, the system allows city employees unreasonable power over the offenders under their control. While every offender is different, most have a fine to pay off and with that a fee to be in the system. Certain DUI offenders in particular have to pay for their blood alcohol bracelets to be read, which means that someone who has their driving privileges revoked is responsible for earning an income to first pay off their fine, then pay off their monthly fees, then pay whatever living expenses they might have, all while trying to serve their community service hours. It’s these community service hours that might actually blow the lid off of Sentinel. If the investigation into the Rec Department goes as deep as the Insider’s been told, the Sheriff’s Office will soon be releasing information about widespread bribery, extortion and other abuses of power. Basically, when an offender is on probation, he has to report to an assigned area in order to log community service hours. Those hours are then reported to the offender’s probation officer at Sentinel, who can then check them against the log kept by the Rec Department employee in charge of the offender’s community service. It’s here where things get ugly. The Rec Department employee has the opportunity to falsify the numbers — for a fee or for a price not measured in cash. The employee can have the numbers show that the offender put in time he or she hasn’t, or he can derail an offender’s

probation by reporting back to Sentinel that the offender refused to do the job assigned, did it poorly, was belligerent or rude or late. In other words, an offender’s probation is being supervised by a low paid city worker who has very little supervision himself. A bad report can derail an offender’s probation by starting him back at zero (say the paperwork is conveniently lost) or it can send him back before the judge that originally sentenced him, who will very likely see the incident as an ineffective probation, which could result in jail time. Off the record, law enforcement officials admit the Sentinel model offers an offender no real help in changing behavior and that in many ways it’s something that prevents those who have run afoul of the law from ever reentering the regular world. “Once you enter that spiral — there’s really no way to get out,” one law enforcement official said. “You’ll be on probation for the rest of your life.” While sentencing DUI offenders to probation and community service seems on the surface to be a good way to allow the community to benefit from a person’s mistake or lack of judgment, the way the system is constructed, society isn’t so much benefiting as certain members of society are exploiting. Is it reasonable to believe that everyone serving community service has someone who can drive them to their community service? Or to the Sentinel office to have their blood alcohol bracelet read? Or to the job that helps pay off the balance of the fine as well as the weekly fee Sentinel demands for allowing you to be a part of the system? Throw in some low-paid city employee who realizes he has a godlike power over you, and you’ve got a recipe for exploitation. Let’s see what the Sheriff’s Office finds out

Strength to Announce Retirement If Strength’s brother in law, who doesn’t stand a realistic chance of winning, drops out, insiders say he will be free to throw his support to Peebles. Those who know Peebles say he is in a position to ask for what he really doesn’t want. Newly wed and very happy, his run for sheriff is more out of duty than desire. After spending his life moving up the ranks, it’s more a responsibility to him to see that the course is stayed. Rather than deal with the stress of keeping 200,000 citizens safe, a budget of over $50 million balanced, and keeping hundreds of employees on task, wouldn’t you rather spend your evenings with your lovely bride? It’s an all-in proposition, however. Were he to lose the race, he’ll most definitely be leaving the department Roundtree, who has a reputation of being arrogant, cocky and out to protect — and promote — himself, is a longshot. Regardless of race, Richmond County voters will support the continuity of Peebles, not the upheaval of Roundtree. Best to Ronnie Strength. See you at Waffle House.

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Multiple sources from both inside and outside law enforcement agree that Sheriff Ron Strength will announce his retirement on Friday. Well, not necessarily announce his retirement… just that he won’t be running again. Though certainly notable, his retirement is not altogether surprising. For one, the Insider predicted just that months ago, as well as predicting Scott Peebles as the man to beat. Strength is no kid, and he himself admitted last week that the intricacies and duration of Operation Smoke Screen prevented him from announcing his decision earlier. While many have predicted a showdown between Captain Scott Peebles and former Richmond County Sheriff’s Office Investigator Richard Roundtree, now with the Richmond County Board of Education, the sheriff’s brother-in-law, whose ties go back to JB Powell, is also reportedly planning a run. And family ties being what they are (Strength’s wife was former Sheriff Charlie Webster’s right-hand woman), that move prevents Strength from publically endorsing Peebles, a promise he had to make with his better half.

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METRO SPIRIT 03.08.12

JENNY IS WRIGHT And Then the Tree Fell

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Although it obviously isn’t as impactful as JFK’s assassination or 9/11, I’ll bet that almost everyone in Augusta can tell me where they were during the awful storm a couple of Fridays ago. It wasn’t a tornado, and as far as I know, no one in Augusta died as a result. But it was scary. Friends have told me that they were sitting in their cars saying their prayers. WJBF asked folks to post photos of the storm damage on Facebook, and one woman replied that she was still in the basement. A bunch of people clicked “like” in agreement. I was at home, and I’m pretty sure I wet my pants a little. The worst part only lasted about five minutes, but the hail was blowing sideways, it was pouring rain and the wind was gusting up to 70 miles per hour. I needed to go to the center of the house, away from the windows, but I couldn’t move. I was sure that, any moment, the swing set was going to come through the French doors. Well, I wasn’t really sure, because it was raining so hard that I couldn’t even see the swing set. Oh, you think I’m a baby? I hate the cold and I’m scared of storms. While we’re being completely honest, I’ll admit that I’m afraid of the dark, too. At night, if The Man is gone, I’ll turn off the lights and run to the bed as fast as I can. Yeah. The disdain for cold weather has always been, but I never feared thunder, lightning and wind like I do now. I enjoyed them even. And then the tree fell. It was a dark and stormy night, and the wind was blowing a gale. For real. The Man was at happy hour with friends, and I was waiting for The Kids to brush their teeth so I could get them to bed. The wind gusted, and as it did it again, I stood up, saying (out loud), “If it blows much harder, that tree —” and it came through the ceiling. It sliced through the roof in our den and bedroom, spraying sheet rock dust everywhere, most noticeably in my glass of red wine. I screamed for The Kids, who came running. They asked what happened, and in typical fashion, The Boy said, “I’ve always wanted a tree house anyway.” Here’s the kicker: that tree was scheduled to be cut down less than 48 hours later. We weren’t removing it for fear that it’d fall. We just couldn’t grow grass in our back yard and wanted to open up the space. I called The Man and told him that the appointment to have the tree chopped down wasn’t necessary. He asked why, and I simply said, “because the tree is in our den.” He hung up, claiming that he was going to Lowe’s for tarps and such. The rain came shortly thereafter, so (yay!) it was raining in our den when The Man finally got home. I think he was a little surprised at the severity of the situation and finally understood that this wasn’t a chainsaw and tarp job. He said, “You didn’t tell me it was in the den.” Um, actually, I did. Eight weeks and about $25,000 later, we were all patched up. Our hardwood floors were refinished, TV replaced and we had a new roof. Thank goodness for homeowner’s insurance. So when the wind was whipping on Friday, I was scared. The last time I’d experienced weather like that, a tree crashed down about six feet from my children and me. Thank goodness no one was hurt. We were very lucky. I won’t ever forget the sound of that big gust sweeping through our back yard or the crack of the tree, as loud as a jet plane, as it fell on my house. I also won’t forget that ruined glass of wine. I need to keep a sippy cup near our flashlight, just so I can be prepared should a storm like that ever happen again.

JENNYWRIGHT lives in Summerville with her husband, who she calls The Man, and two kids, who she affectionately calls The Boy and The Girl. She enjoys taking photos, cooking and playing tennis.

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AUGUSTA TEK The Hype Cycle of Life

By now I’m sure that everyone has heard of the Gartner Technology “hype cycle” in one form or another. The hype cycle is a construct that helps illustrate the lifecycle phases of a new technology or product. In short, it goes something like this. Trigger & Rise. A new creation or innovation shows a great deal of promise. The pundits and visionaries all claim that this will change life as we know it, and every start-up company includes this technology in their venture capital pitch. Peak of Inflated Expectations. The hopes of this new creation continues to grow to a point where the promise exceeds reality. A first-generation product is released. It’s expensive and requires a large amount of customization. The products lose favor as the gap between expectations and performance is impossibly large. Trough of Disillusionment. The technology continues to mature through the efforts of true believers. Expectations are brought back in line with reality. Second generation products are released. Slope of Enlightenment. Early adopters start meaningful implementations that improve productivity or lower costs. Real-life experience spurs the next round of development. Plateau of Productivity. Third-generation products are released, and widespread adoption begins. The original promise of the technology is realized. While the hype cycle was created to illustrate technology development, its application extends well beyond technology. For example, high school graduation could be seen as a trigger event in your life. The first few years after graduation show incredible promise as you experience your new freedoms. Of course, after time, the party scene gets old, the bills start coming due and thoughts of, “Okay… what’s next?” begin to surface. The upward slope begins when you begin to rediscover your core talents and how to apply them in a manner that provides service. Hopefully, we all make it to a plateau of productivity where we understand our strengths and know how to add value to our relationships. I suspect that the ups and downs of the hype cycle will be experienced many times over the course of a lifetime. I know that I’ve been through it more times than I want to count. My favorite part is the beginning where imagination is the only limit to

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potential. I really don’t have a least favorite. The Disillusionment phase is humbling, but I’ve come to understand myself better during those times. The Productivity Platueau is, quite frankly, a bit boring; however, I’ve found it’s during this phase I make the best long-term decisions and do better financially. So where are you in your personal hype cycle? Great innovations don’t occur on their own, and a great idea is nothing but a thought until someone takes action. The hype begins when you make something happen. Go make something happen! If you need more inspiration, go see Space Shuttle astronaut Kathyrn Thornton speak on Thursday, March 8, at 7 p.m. in the Maxwell Theatre at Augusta State University. She flew on four shuttle missions during the early 1990s, spending nearly a thousand hours in space. I hope to see you there! Next week, we will hit on some of the tech news with a recap of the March 7 iPad event and a review of the Windows 8 consumer pre-release. Until next time, I’ll see you on the internet @gregory_a_baker. L8R.

GREGORY A. BAKER, PH.D, is vice president and chief rocket scientist for CMA, which provides information technology services to CSRA businesses and nonprofits. V. 23 | NO. 10

METRO SPIRIT 03.08.12

AUSTIN RHODES

AUSTINRHODES

The views expressed are the opinions of Austin Rhodes and do not necessarily represent the views of the publisher.

Even from Rush, God Don’t Like Ugly I am adopting a new theory on this whole Rush Limbaugh/Sandra Fluke mess. But first, a few important words from our sponsor... In the event you have been on the Moon and missed the mess, America’s No. 1 radio talk show host created a firestorm last week when he suggested that the Georgetown law school student was perhaps a “slut” for suggesting that third parties (either health insurance companies or taxpayer funded programs) be forced to pick up the tab for birth control pills for women. Limbaugh, in a crude and admittedly misguided attempt to be funny, went on to imply that paying such a tab would perhaps give the benefactors the privilege of watching the young woman in action or, at the very least, getting it on video. Shizzle meet fan. Not going to qualify or excuse what he said. Can’t and won’t. Shouldn’t and wouldn’t. It was stupid with a capital STU. And for that, he is paying a price. A number of his sponsors have pulled, but not as many as the mainstream media would have you believe. For some odd reason, they are including rotating network sponsors, companies who buy huge packages of commercials that run all over the place (within Rush’s parent company network), aimed at all kinds of audiences. Sears, for instance, would be one of these. No doubt some offended soul heard a Sears spot in a Limbaugh show, and promptly called corporate headquarters, where they know they are not “official” Limbaugh sponsors. Nonetheless, Sears then makes an announcement that they are pulling their commercials from the program. What in fact they have done is pull their spots from a huge pool of other commercials that rotate through the show and, in the process, get to look all socially concerned and stuff. One “genuine” sponsor that has vamoosed is Carbonite. The internet data storage company had been personally endorsed by Limbaugh, who was often heard singing their praises himself. Carbonite President David Friend issued the following statement: “No one with daughters the age of Sandra Fluke, and I have two, could possibly abide the insult and abuse heaped upon this courageous and well-intentioned young lady. Mr. Limbaugh, with his highly personal attacks on Miss Fluke, overstepped any reasonable bounds of decency. Even though Mr. Limbaugh has now issued an apology, we have nonetheless decided to withdraw our advertising from his show. We hope that our action, along with the other advertisers who have already withdrawn their ads, will ultimately contribute to a more civilized public discourse.” Two things occur to me as I read that. First, apparently everything Limbaugh has espoused over the years that Carbonite has

been a sponsor has been okay... until now. Second, David Friend is rightly concerned about civil discourse, and his desire for Fluke, and his own two daughters, to be protected from unreasonable personal attacks and indecency. That is admirable. Peachy, even. But really... with all this sex talk... you have to wonder what Sandra Fluke would look like, engaged in an all female “menage a trois” with the Friend sisters. I bet that would be hot... real hot. Maybe we could get three studs in here for them and have a real party. What do you think? (Dear God... and Mom... forgive me for that) Wow... that was pretty gross, wasn’t it? Pretty horrific. What the hell was I thinking? Before you call the Metro Spirit offices, or the minister of First Baptist Church to protest, I just had to demonstrate the sincerity of David Friend and I would wager most of the folks who have bailed on old Rush. You see Friend’s company Carbonite, and other departing sponsors such as Citrix (gotomeeting.com) and legalzoom.com, can still be heard loud and proud on Sirius XM Satellite Radio on the Howard Stern Show. The commercials are even read by Howard himself. This guy is so concerned about decency he pays the filthiest broadcaster to ever introduce a drunk dwarf to a circus freak in heat top dollar to do his commercials for him. Some concern there, Bucko. With a “Friend” like that, who needs an enema? No idea, but Howard has one coming up for you on tomorrow’s show. An enema, that is. Plenty has been said about the collection of left-wing media mercenaries who have called conservative women much worse, and on many more occasions, than what Limbaugh spewed. But as my grandmother used to always say, “...you can’t expect manners from monkeys.” The world expects the Bill Mahers, Keith Olbermanns, Ed Schultzs and Randi Rhodes of the world to say outrageous and inexcusable things, but we expect conservative pundits to be better than that. Because we are better than that. Two thoughts to leave with you. First, corporate weenies are going to take the path of least resistance every time, and they will lie through their teeth while doing it. Finally, the left and all their allies (mainstream media, NOW, the Hollywood Elite, and all the Dems) have been trying to get rid of Rush for years, and now they think they see their big chance. It is the modern day version of book burning. They can’t beat the message, so they will destroy the vessel. Let’s see how the fire turns out.

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METRO SPIRIT 03.08.12

Kicking Off Spring

ERICJOHNSON

Festival brings beer, food and music to Evans Towne Center Park Now that spring is in the air (not that it was ever really all that far away this winter), Columbia County is ready to kick off Evans Towne Center Park’s first year this Saturday with a free festival presented by Metro Spirit and Meybohm Realtors. The Evans Towne Center Park (ETCP) Spring Festival, which features great food, live funk and blues, craft beer and family fun, starts off at noon and runs until 7 p.m. While the food and the 16 different craft beers will cost you, admission and the music is free, with the Robbie Ducey Band playing in the early afternoon and Funk You performing later in the day. “The park has been a tremendous success, particularly the playground and the dog run,” says Commission Chairman Ron Cross. “What has yet to be determined is what kind of response we’re going to get from the community as far as the concerts and events. I just hope they’ll support the park and we’ll have enough of the name acts to draw them out here. That’s the thing we’re going to have to see through the year and see how it plays out over the summer.” While several name acts are close to being announced, Cross says Rick Springfield’s June 8 concert is the first independent musical act to sign for the year, though several local acts and events are in line to follow the Spring Festival. Symphony Orchestra Augusta’s annual Pops! Under the Stars is moving from the University Heath Care System’s Evans campus to the Lady Antebellum Amphitheater on May 12, and the final concert of a fledgling Columbia County Idol-like series of performances is also scheduled for the big amphitheater. Perhaps the biggest event planned for Evans Towne Center Park will be the popular Banjo-B-Que, which was held last year at North Augusta’s Hippodrome. “We met with them and they say everything’s in order,” Cross says. “We haven’t done any kind of contract, but they’ve committed to doing it Memorial Day weekend, so we’re going to move our Red, White and Blue celebration to Sunday instead of Saturday.” He says they’ve also been contacted by the people who put on Chattanooga’s Riverbend Festival. Kicking off all of this, however, will be the Spring Festival, which is built around backyard fun — beer, food and music. Complementing that will be the raffling of the Man Cave, an 8x10 structure sure to make any backyard enthusiast happy. “It’s basically a small room for the backyard,” says Ken Davis, a local builder with over 35 years of experience. “We’re going to do it like we would do a house. It’s going to have windows with a gabled roof on it, and it’s going to have a treated floor. We’re not going to insulate it, but all of that can be done.” Maner Builders Supply is supplying the lumber, and Davis is paying special attention to the inside, which is going to be finished in heart of pine provided by Southern Wood Floors. Put in a couple of shelves, a window unit and a TV, and being in the dog house never sounded so good. “It’s basically a tiny house,” Davis says. A tiny house that will raffled off and delivered to the winner’s back yard via trailer. While there are enough activities planned to keep people entertained for the entire day, there’s a lot of interest surrounding the fact that there will be a one-off cask for sampling from the Lazy Magnolia brewery.

10 METRO SPIRIT 03.08.12

METRO

NEWS

“Casking is a very old way of serving and storing beer,” says Mike Marty, craft and import brand manager for AB Beverage. “Think big oak barrel, but made of space age plastic instead.” While the cask might be made of thoroughly modern materials, the concept behind it is fundamentally the same as it was in the early days of the nation. “America was founded on beer,” Marty says. “The Pilgrims landed at Plymouth Rock not because they thought it was pretty, but because they ran out of beer.” And the beer they ran out of was stored in casks. “This is natural beer,” he says. “This is beer that has never been pasteurized and no chemicals have ever been added to it. It’s 100 percent natural. It’s beer the way beer was meant to be consumed.” While that may be a beer expert’s idea of properly consuming beer, Chef Andrew Crumrine of Crums on Central has his own ideas, which is why he’s providing New Belgium beer brats and Lazy Magnolia chili, two dishes made with the craft beers on tap. It’s this kind of synergy that Cross hopes he can pull through the entire year. “We’re excited, but we’re also cautiously optimistic that everything will turn out well,” Cross says. “We hope that it will be a good venue for everybody and that there will be good attendance, but we’re still mighty young at this. We’ve got to try to support everybody that wants to come in there, but also take care of our expenses so there’s no burden on the taxpayer.”

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Ruffin’ It

Looking Ahead: Obama 2.0 affiliated employers to provide free access to contraception, Obama folded a bit and allowed for a “conscience of religion” exception (which makes no sense because abortion is never mentioned in the Bible, anywhere, but I digress). In addition, he refuses to completely come out (no pun intended) in support of gay marriage, most likely as a bethedger against swing voters. But swing voters will not cement a legacy. Making a stand on controversial issues — and, credit due, kudos for repealing DADT and for the healthcare bill — and not budging, even when your opponents resort to inflammatory rhetoric, well, that shows strength of character, and reinforces faith in this nation as one that not only welcomes diversity, but protects the rights of its downtrodden and disenfranchised.

As you’re reading this, it’s a couple of days removed from Super Tuesday. As I’m writing this, Super Tuesday hasn’t happened yet, so based on the trajectory of the GOP primary season so far, I’m going to guess that one of two things happened: either A) Mitt Romney finally sewed up the inevitable and, going off of some tenets I assume are in the Book of Mormon, was finally allowed to wash his magic golden underwear, or B) Ron Paul had a remarkably strong showing, thereby further delaying an eventual Romney victory and seeing coverage of his campaign on major news networks double to 90 seconds per day. Also, he makes the cover of Newsweek, because why the hell not; we put Herman Cain on there for s**t’s sake. Either way, this thing has to end soon (right? RIGHT?!). Accordingly, the focus will shift to the general election, and the Obama team will begin to batter the GOP nominee with the fury of a thousand hipster suns. And let’s face it: barring another terrorist attack — which isn’t going to happen, because Obama deals with terrorist masterminds by shooting them in the face and leaving them for dead in a pile of their own porn — or economic nosedive, this is going to be pretty one-sided in favor of the Democrats. The Republicans seem dead-set on regressing to hatefully ignorant 1950s social rhetoric, they continue to paint gays as subhuman even as same-sex marriage is signed into law in several states, and their two strongest candidates are a corporate raider whose attempts at human facial expression result in an electrical failure of his Mormon circuits and an insane fundamentalist with an anal fixation because Jesus, or something. Obama knows this is Christmas. His focus, then, should turn to figuring out not only how to strengthen and energize the liberal base over the next four years, but how to cement and bolster his legacy. And because I skim the New York Times every day while watching ESPN anchors come up with more, increasingly terrible Jeremy Lin puns, I’m qualified to offer some suggestions: Get Behind Your Principles Look, I think Obama is a good guy. I voted for him in 2008 and, unless a video of him emerges between now and November eating kittens-on-a-stick and listening to Justin Bieber (the other way around would be fine), I’m going to vote for him again this year. But when the heat is on, the man sometimes has a tendency to waffle. When pressured by the Catholic Church regarding the law requiring religiously V. 23 | NO. 10

Call ‘Em Like You See ‘Em If you’re going to stand there and tell me that Obama sees Romney and Santorum as legitimate politicians — hell, as people to be taken seriously — then I’ve got a bridge to sell you (it’s made out of gold, and I promise the river below it isn’t teeming with mutated crocodiles). He and his campaign will turn it on once the general election starts, but it’s very telling that Obama has largely ignored the GOP proceedings thus far. Still, even when the general debates begin, you can bet he’ll be tempered, respectful and won’t resort to snide comments and jibes. And he shouldn’t. It’s not his style. What he SHOULD do is not shy away from stating the blunt truth: if he’s up there against Romney, he should thank the Massachusetts governor, in a tone of voice just full enough of sincerity to not border on sarcasm, for inspiring his national healthcare bill. It’ll simultaneously bolster his own agenda while undermining Romney’s attempts to appeal to the far-right base. If it’s Santorum (it won’t be), bring up the disconnect between his views of contraception and statistics, i.e. 98 percent of Catholic women either use or have used some form of birth control. And if Rush Limbaugh says anything else about Sandra Fluke, release a press statement calling him “a garbage bag full of emotional issues, bullshit and pork.” Be polite, yes. But don’t be shy. Keep Singing Al Green? “Sweet Home Chicago?” Please and thank you. When politicians try to do this kind of thing, it usually backfires horribly and hilariously. When Al Gore danced at a 1990s Democratic function, it looked like several giant stalks of lemongrass were going through electroshock therapy. Likewise, when John Ashcroft and Mitt Romney sing, every cat on the planet loses a life. But Obama’s got a pretty decent voice, and you get the impression that he truly loves what he’s singing, and not just courting the youth vote (I mean, it’s Al Green for one). In short, it’s totally endearing and, as long as he doesn’t try to court fringe voters by covering Cannibal Corpse or Devendra Banhart, he should have this in the bag.

JOSHRUFFIN, an ASU and Metro Spirit alum, is a published journalist and poet, who just received his

MFA from Georgia College & State University. He was once the most un-intimidating bouncer at Soul Bar.

METRO SPIRIT 03.08.12 11

BACK TO THE START By Daniel A. Finan / Edited by Will Shortz

96 Like the “ng” sound 98 “___ who?!” 99 Fancy salad ingredient 101 Org. making grants to museums 103 Big faucet maker 105 University in North Carolina 106 Rear 110 Genealogical study 112 Articles aren’t found in it 117 London transportation 119 Marlon Brando film 121 Set free 122 “Cheers” bartender Sam 123 Movie droid 124 Fastener patented in 1939 125 Pivoted 126 ___-Japanese DOWN 1 Alternative to dieting, informally 2 “Just ___!” 3 Bartering locale 4 ___ Robles, Calif. 5 Checked (out) 6 Antecede 7 ___ Rose 8 Bills, e.g. 9 Most 17-Down 10 Plant pores 11 “You missed ___” 12 Grok 13 Sir Anthony Eden, 1st Earl of ___ 14 Pulitzer winner for “John Brown’s Body” 15 Brother’s place 16 Early life forms? 17 See 9-Down 18 Refrain syllables 19 Send some pixxx? 24 Network connections 28 Environs 31 Incapacitate 33 Subject of the documentary “An Unreasonable Man” 35 Helter-skelter 36 Bar ___ 37 Cavemen 38 Blows up 39 Eve who wrote “The Vagina Monologues” 41 Has parked 43 South Dakota memorial site 44 Modern December birthstone

45 White elephant, e.g. 48 TiVo precursor 49 “Eavesdrop” from across the room, say 52 It’s felt on the head 54 “Time ___ …” 55 Poetic preposition 58 Only Hitchcock film to win Best Picture 60 Minnesota twins? 61 Song that starts “A winter’s day in a deep and dark December” 65 Draw (off): Var. 66 Premium Cuban cigar brand 68 Nationals whose flag declares “God is great” 69 What echoes do 70 Clear the atmosphere of 71 Sod house locale 74 Min. or max. 75 Sweets 77 Capt.’s superior 79 Drew in 80 Old-timer 81 Some M.I.T. grads 83 Per 84 Korea’s Syngman ___ 88 Like some housecats 91 “Gone With the Wind” bad guys 93 Yammer 94 First TV show to debut at #1 in the Nielsen ratings 97 Eye up and down 99 Discordant 100 General Motors subsidiary 102 Feeling pervading Brat Pack movies 104 Towers 106 Reynolds of “Boogie Nights” 107 From the top 108 Mid fifth-century year 109 Hofbräuhaus crowd? 111 Place after place 113 Home of the Norte Chico civilization 114 Part of 101-Across 115 Corp. money types 116 Switch attachment? 118 Metered praise 120 Charlotte-to-Raleigh dir.

28 33 40

47 52 58

108

102

110

111 119

112

113

125

126

W A L T Z

A R R I B A

F A I R A N D S Q U A R E

B E A D S

A S S E T S

I R I S R O C

A T G E M A N D A S I D T E R A C I O K I D R E O S M U P A T A C I R A K N O W E S T E M L G U P A S M A B A B B Y L L E R T O R S

B E K I N D

114

120

124

C O R P S E

116

105

123

L A G E R

115

122

P R U N E R S

121

S O H A V E I

100

104

118

F A B R I C

99 103

109

117

82 87

101

72 76

64 69

78 85

50 55

107

63 67

54 59

62 66

34 41

48 53

32 39

25 27

106

PREVIOUSPUZZLEANSWERS

ACROSS 1 Bulb holders 6 Part of the name of many a Spanish restaurant 12 Confabs 20 Stern taking a bow (in two senses) 21 Demands (from) 22 Eternally 23 Aide for a V.I.P. customer 25 Multiple Grammy winner who was a contestant on “Dancing With the Stars” 26 Paper nautilus, e.g. 27 Words mouthed to a TV camera 29 Like the pen or pencil you might reach for 30 P.T.A. interest 32 One of two options at a fast food restaurant 34 Sample 35 Prozac, for one 40 W.C. 42 “Oh baby!” 46 Eve’s opposite 47 Work assignment 48 Gore in fiction 50 Dirty 51 Kind of switch 53 Special ___ 54 It may be popped for fun 56 Metro area 57 X X X lover? 59 Freudian concept 62 Lie about 63 The “L” of S.L.R. 64 Trample 65 Inverness native 67 Funeral stands 69 Run out 72 “Tell ___ lies” 73 Jimmie Rodgers or Tex Owens, musically 75 Bun contents 76 Make ___ dash 78 Mountains, rivers, plains, etc. 82 More sinister 85 Blackjack decision 86 “The Magnificent Seven” co-star 87 Suffix with human 89 Actor Hill of “Moneyball” 90 Mind 92 Spanish winds 93 Distilled vis-à-vis tap 95 Gospel singer Winans

O L I O S

T E S T

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L I N A N A S E F U L O S E D R E W A M A S L A I L D A T E S V A N S A L I A C K E Y A S S N T M A N E C O L E A P O R D E R K E T E A M S N T Y

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12 METRO SPIRIT 03.08.12

V. 23 | NO. 10

LAURENDeVILLE

Fresh Start

The Spirit looks at the new political landscape With Super Tuesday and all its political bombast thankfully behind us, local voters are now able to refocus their attention on the issues and people who will have the most direct impact on their lives. Though not as glitzy or pervasive as the Republican squabblers aiming for the White House, the upcoming election season nevertheless promises to be entertaining, with multiple commission seats up for grabs, a wide open congressional battle, a sheriff’s race and plenty of judicial fights, some of which have already grabbed some attention. While the presidential election and its primaries certainly matter, it’s these local races where the true currency of the CSRA is spent. These are the people with their hands on the purse strings — and in our pockets — and these are the people you can actually talk to. You want to corner a commissioner after a meeting, there’s nothing stopping you but their occasional quick exits. You want to call up your elected official and find out what he knows about a SPLOST project or a privatization plan, he’s in the book — or at least on the online government directory. The point is, these are the people that affect you the most. These are the people you have direct influence over, and throughout the political season, the Metro Spirit will provide you with the kind of informed, thorough and accountable coverage you expect, however long or short the season might be. And that’s the thing — a law enacted last year moved nonpartisan races to July in consolidated governments like Augusta-Richmond County, and that’s thrown this year’s election in turmoil. Currently there is no official election date in Richmond County, and the uncertainty recently became political when State Rep. Barbara Sims, a Republican, promoted a bill that would make the election date in July. Opponents consider the move a Republican maneuver to try to dilute the black vote, which is traditionally stronger during general elections. Black turnout is expected to be especially high this November as President Barack Obama fights for his second term. The result of this indecision — commission candidates in Augusta don’t know if they’re running a sprint or a marathon. Columbia County, which will vote for two commission seats, is not affected by indecision, though a change in the redistricting map did claim District 2 challenger Damon Cline, V. 23 | NO. 10

who found out he was drawn out of his district after launching a forceful attack against District 2 Commissioner Trey Allen and Commission Chairman Ron Cross for their endorsement of the Magnolia Trace neighborhood, which allowed lower income renters into a Martinez neighborhood caught unaware. According to a press release, Cline is preparing to go after the District 1 seat when it becomes available. In Columbia County’s District 3, sitting Commissioner Charles Allen, who’s serving his second stint on the county commission, is being challenged by the Salvation Army’s Butch Holley. Allen, who is brother to Rick Allen, the wellknown developer running for the opportunity to go against Democrat John Barrow this fall for the new Congressional District 12 that takes in most of Columbia County. He is also husband of Columbia County Tax Commissioner Kay Allen, who after 28 years on the job is being gently pressured by some in the office for a chance to move up the powerful — and lucrative — ladder. The Richmond County Commission races, however, are still in a state of flux. “We are planning to campaign according to a July date,” says District 3 commission candidate Mary Fair Davis. “That’s what

METRO SPIRIT 03.08.12 13

we’re focusing on, but if it changes, that’s fine. We’re flexible.” Running for the seat held by Joe Bowles, who like District 7’s Jerry Brigham and Super District 9’s J.R. Hatney, is being term-limited out of office, Davis has considerable power associated with her. Her campaign manager is Clay Boardman and she was Mayor Deke Copenhaver’s campaign manager. “I work part time, so I do have the time to commit to this,” she says. “We’ve been hard at work on this campaign since the beginning of December, and the support has been overwhelming. I’ve been humbled.” Working for St. Mary’s on the Hill Church and School in development, she says she’s getting the same answers from just about everyone she talks to regarding the single issue most pressing to the district. “Everyone I ask that question to — they’re not complaining about anything as far as the resources we have,” she says. “Every single one of them says they just want the commissioners to get along, make good decisions and move the city forward. That’s across the board.” Davis’ opponent, Ed Enoch, comes to the race from over 10 years as the Coliseum Authority’s attorney, which means he’s seen his share of bad government first hand. The Coliseum Authority was long regarded as a source of amusement for area political watchers, but once the board made the decision to bring in Global Spectrum, an outside management company, things began to moderate, and now that former Aviation Commission Director Cedric Johnson is in charge, the once volatile board seldom makes headlines

14 METRO SPIRIT 03.08.12

anymore. “That board now runs really well,” Enoch says. “Cedric Johnson leads it well, and having Global Spectrum there as managers — this is a place where it’s just critical to have some expertise, and that was a big part of the issue. You’re an island in a storm out there in the entertainment business if you’re out there by yourself.” Given the city’s flirtation with privatization, Enoch’s experience with Global Spectrum might indicate a propensity to privatize other parts of government, but he says it’s important to look at the big picture before determining how far to take it. “I think a balance has to be struck,” he says. “You want people inside your government who are dedicated and want to work with you, but you can’t do that if they’re at risk every day.” As far as what motivated him to get into the race, Enoch says it’s something he’s been building toward for the last 20 years. A business attorney, he’s chaired campaigns for Hardie Davis, but has always been more of a behind the scenes operator. “I’ve been behind the scenes enough to see how behind the scenes works,” he says. “I’ve been told by a number of different people that it becomes an entirely different thing when you’re the one standing out there.” He says communication and transparency are the two biggest lessons he’s learned form being on the Coliseum Authority. “The default is, you do your business in public unless it meets those narrow guidelines.” Transparency in government has long been one of the biggest issues driving Harrisburg activist Lori Davis, who joins the District 1 race after

publically voicing her dissatisfaction with District 1 commissioner Matt Aitken. A firebrand who challenged Copenhaver for mayor, Davis has make a name for herself through her association with the Chronic Nuisance Property Ordinance and most recently by writing for a website and Facebook page critical of Augusta government. Her opposition to the TEE Center parking deck and the TEE Center itself puts her squarely in opposition to Aitken, who won the seat as a progrowth, pro-TEE Center candidate. His election — a white commissioner in a predominantly black district — broke the racial deadlock that kept the TEE Center from becoming a reality. Though he’s as yet undecided about whether he wants to run again, especially against the aggressive Davis, commission watchers have noted that he’s become more vocal in support of downtown development, which some feel signals his desire to start priming the financial pumps that helped fund his last campaign. Someone definitely in the race is Laney Walker Neighborhood

Ed Enoch Association President Stanley Hawes, who feels Augusta can do better. “We’re the second largest city in Georgia, and when you look at all the resources we have, and I’m not just talking financial resources, we have a lot of potential,” he says. “I don’t want to run, but I feel I need to run. It’s the old adage — if you want something

V. 23 | NO. 10

done, you have to do it yourself.” A caregiver to a 19-year-old with cerebral palsy, he’s a life-long Laney Walker resident who’s seen the ups and downs that have gone with the neighborhood’s revitalization. “We’re so close to downtown,” he says. “It’s almost like when you get on one side of Walton Way, the Chamber of Commerce directs folks down Broad Street and up Washington Road, but they kind of hide Laney Walker. The District 5 seat currently held by Bill Locket seems to be his again if he wants it, and though he didn’t return the Spirit’s interview request, most commission watchers feel he’ll most likely return. As one of the leading voices in opposition to the so-called Gang of Six, his status in the black community will likely increase with a second term, and should Lori Davis win the District 1 seat, he would have a valuable ally. And should former commissioner Marion Williams run for the Super District 9 seat, he could control a great deal of political power. The District 7 battle seems to be between Donnie Smith, a popular lieutenant with the Georgia State Patrol, and retired administrator Kenneth Echols, who entered the race mainly because many of the people he talked to were happy with his service on the school board. “I thought about it long and hard and decided maybe it’s time to do this,” he says. “I’m recently retired and that will give me more time to devote to this, which I think is going to take a lot of time.” Though he has lots of ideas for how the commission should operate, his first

Kenneth Echols

consideration is always the bottom line. “We have a fiduciary responsibility to the taxpayer that when things happen, we really need to ask questions and be on top of it and not wait to be surprised at the last minute,” he says. “It’s easy to point fingers, but at the same time, we have an obligation to ask questions and to get answers. I think a lot of things going on right now seem to be communication problems and maybe a lack of understanding.” One thing he knows about the District 7 voter — they like to talk. “I used to tell people all the time when I was on the school board — it must have been mighty dull living in other districts, because I’ll tell you what, District 7 people are very vocal and they won’t hold back. They’ll call you and tell you things. And to me, that’s what it’s all about.” Though he doesn’t know Smith, he expects to meet up with the trooper throughout the course of the campaign. “I’m open to anything,” he says. “We have to give the citizens and the voters a picture of ourselves.” Obviously, the election season is more than just commission races. Several judicial races are in play, particularly the race to fill the spot left by Columbia County’s departing Magistrate Judge Bobby Christine. And the sheriff’s race in Richmond County is also shaping up to be an interesting one, especially given the scandal surrounding former Investigator Richard Roundtree’s departure from the Sheriff’s Office. Whether voters will be able to forget that, or accept Capt. Scott Peebles in more of a starring role, should be telling. With school board races, the TSPLOST, Columbia County’s alcohol sales referendum and all the curveballs that make politics so interesting, 2012 is shaping up to be an exciting election year, and the Metro Spirit promises to be with it every step of the way.

V. 23 | NO. 10

METRO SPIRIT 03.08.12 15

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TERENCEBARBER

Is Augusta-Richmond County really as crime ridden as you think it is? What kind of crime is actually going on? The Metro Spirit sifts through the incident reports to find out.

M W Monday, February 27

One count of: Burglary with forced entry (night time) Recovered vehicle False public alarm Obstructing police Forgery Obstructing justice Property damage Two counts of: Identity fraud Financial fraud Public peace disturbance Three counts of: Assault Theft/mislaid property Invasion of privacy

12 counts of: Larceny (both felony and misdemeanor)

Tuesday, February 28

One count of: Sale of title pawn Recovered property Public peace disturbance Identity fraud Forgery Property damage Burglary with forced entry (night time) Two counts of: Assault Invasion of privacy Burglary with forced entry (time unknown) Four counts of: Theft by deception Nine counts of: Larceny (both felony and misdemeanor)

Wednesday, February 29 One count of: Impersonating an officer Vehicle theft Forgery Identity fraud Habitual violator Terroristic threats and acts Two counts of: Public peace disturbance Three counts of: Property damage Financial fraud Invasion of privacy 12 counts of: Larceny (both felony and misdemeanor)

TH Thursday, March 1

One count of: Identity fraud Suspicious situations Public peace disturbance Theft/mislaid property Burglary with no force entry (daytime) Two counts of: Invasion of privacy Assault Recovered vehicle

Three counts of: Burglary with forced entry (daytime) Four counts of: Burglary with forced entry (night time) Six counts of: Larceny (both felony and misdemeanor)

Friday, March 2 One count of: Theft by deception Property damage

Two counts of: Public peace disturbance Financial fraud Three counts of: Assault Five counts of: Invasion of privacy Eight counts of: Larceny (both felony and misdemeanor)

Saturday, March 3

Once count of: Public peace disturbance Forgery Assault Auto theft Two counts of: Theft/mislaid property Five counts of: Invasion of privacy Seven counts of: Larceny (both felony and misdemeanor)

SU Sunday, March 4 One count of: Financial fraud

Two counts of: Burglary with forced entry (night time) Burglary with forced entry (time unknown) Public peace disturbance Six counts of: Larceny (both felony and misdemeanor)

Crowning moment of awesome:

An Augustan was sitting on his couch when a burglar broke into his home. The Augustan then pulled out a .22 cal revolver and fired four shots, not hitting the burglar. The burglar then ran out of the house. Nothing was stolen.

Odd crimes of the week:

On Tuesday, a woman in green scrubs flagged down Augustans on two separate occasions asking for gas money. The suspect faked a phone call, saying her father would pay them back. The suspect then disappeared. A suspect took an officer on a high speed chase from Gordon Highway to Hephzibah because he did not want to be caught with a half-rolled blunt.

Things “worth fighting for” for the week:

Not having drugs | “Withholding” of medication | Not taking money for food

V. 23 | NO. 10

Stolen items for the week:

Your Weird Week in Crime

Brown Chevrolet ExicomPro camera Purses Wallets SSN cards Debit cards Credit cards Copper bus bar 20-gauge shotgun Yellow Honda Blue Suzuki ATV Bottle of Prozac Bottle of Ritalin .25 cal handgun Grill/smoker $80 Sheep skin blanket Watch Air conditioning units Rings Laptops Green card Driver’s license Gold fronts Fitted cap Alcohol Fire extinguisher LED TVs Toshiba tablet Ken Griffin shoes Polo jacket 150 CDs TV White Chevrolet $70 600 feet of welding wire Four cartons of Newports Photographs Levi’s jeans White Miss Me shirt Car keys Tires and chrome wheels Silver horse trailer $200 $50 Lawn mowers Xbox 360s Fishing rods Casting cables Birth certificate Digital binoculars LED lights Chain saw Two cans of beer Tom Tom GPS $1,000 DVD players Bracelets Necklaces King-size bed headboard “I love my boyfriend” shirt Red GM 57 suboxone 26 klonopin Omega .32 cal revolver Bicycle Gray Chrysler jeep Revlon color stay American Greeting card Munchkin spill proof cup Two PS2s Jaw hair clips Two butterfly and brite stripe shirts Disney infant night shirt 40 feet of copper wire Hydrocodone Acetaminophen Levothyroxine Synthroid Clonazepam Proamatine Gas heater Apartment stove Korea blanket Stuffed animals Car dealer license plates Golf cart batteries Western Union money transfer 50 gallon trash can $300 Two Wii controllers Two Wii games Two cans of Red Bull Two sticks of beef jerky Cookies Six candy bars Blue Honda .45 cal handgun .40 call tech rifle Book bag 50 pound weights 10 pound weights Washing machine Car radio Farm bell Roofing tin Aluminum angel statue Aluminum light post Aluminum carousel horse

METRO SPIRIT 03.08.12 17

18 METRO SPIRIT 03.08.12

V. 23 | NO. 10

ENTERTAIN

ME Can’t wait till March 23, when Katniss, Peeta and all the other “Hunger Games” characters make their debut on the big screen? Well, if you’re a young adult, you can par ticipate in the library’s version of the Hunger Games, a Training Day board game. Preliminary rounds are going on this week at different branches, with a finale scheduled later on in the month (see our Kids section for more details). For more information, visit ecgrl.org.

Arts

The Art Works of John Daso, a self-taught folk art painter from Augusta, is Thursday, March 8, at 6 p.m. at the Headquarters Branch Library. Call 706-821-2600 or visit ecgrl.org. Spring Classes, camps and workshops at the Aiken Center for the Arts begin in March and end in May. Registration for these programs for children, teens and adults, is going on now. Call 803-641-9094 or visit aikencenterforthearts.org. Day of Art, hosted by the North Augusta Artists Guild, is each Tuesday from 11 a.m.3 p.m. at the Arts and Heritage Center and includes a group of artists painting in the center who will answer questions or allow visitors to join in. Call 803-441-4380 or visit artsandheritagecenter.com.

Exhibitions

Georgia’s Costal Isles: Landscapes, Plants & Architecture, an exhibition by Ann Marie Dalis, shows at Sacred Heart Cultural V. 23 | NO. 10

Center through April 30. An opening reception, free and open to the public, is Thursday, March 8, from 5-7 p.m. Call 706826-4700 or visit sacredheartaugusta.org. 2012 Juried Student Art Show, judged by Ted Saupe, shows through March 16 at the Mary S. Byrd Gallery of Art at Augusta State University. Call 706-667-4888 or visit aug.edu. Lindy Crandell Art Exhibit, featuring works in oil, pastels and colored pencil, shows March 1-30 at the Aiken Art Guild Gallery at the Aiken Center for the Arts. Call 803-2780709 or visit aikenartistguild.org.

African American Trailblazers of Augusta shows through March 31 at the Lucy Craft Laney Museum of Black History. $2-$5. Call 706-724-3576 or visit lucycraftlaneymuseum.com. Fore! Images in Golf Art, featuring 25 paintings, photographs and drawings, shows through April 15 at the Morris Museum of Art. Featured artists include LeRoy Neiman, Will Barnet, Tim Clark and Ray Ellis. Call 706-724-7501 or visit themorris.org.

Young Lions and 3rd Shift open Garden City Jazz’s Candlelight Jazz Preview, a series of five concerts in March and April before the regular season begins in May. The concert is Sunday, March 11, at the 8th Street River Stage downtown at 7 p.m. $6. Visit gardencityjazz.com. Juilliard Jazz After Hours is Thursday, March 15, at 9 p.m. at the Willcox and features music by seven Juilliard-trained musicians. Free. Call 803-648-1898 or visit thewillcox.com.

Music

Working South: Paintings and Sketches by Mary Whyte shows through March 11 at the Morris Museum of Art. Call 706-724-7501 or visit themorris.org.

Pops! at the Bell: The Music of Michael Jackson, a Symphony Orchestra Augusta production featuring Windborne, is Thursday, March 8, at 7:30 p.m. at the Bell Auditorium. Call 706-826-4705 or visit soaugusta.org.

The Augusta Choral Society is offering a $300 scholarship to high school seniors who have contributed their vocal musical talents to the area. The application, due April 14, is available online, as is further criteria. Call 706-826-4713 or visit augustachoralsociety.org.

Leo Twiggs, Mel Holston and Nancy Wyman Ray Exhibitions show at the Aiken Center for the Arts through March 23. Call 803-6419094 or visit aikencenterforthearts.org.

Little Roy and Lizzie perform Saturday, March 10, at 7 p.m. at the Bell Auditorium. $25. Call 877-4AUGTIX or visit georgialinatix.com.

The Salvation Army School of the Performing Arts holds classes each Tuesday. Included is instruction in piano, drums, guitar, voice and brass. Call 706METRO SPIRIT 03.08.12 19

364-4069 or visit krocaugusta.org.

Literary

The Spring Sandhills Writers Series at Augusta State University is Thursday, March 15, with poet and literary critic Donna Aza Weir-Soley giving a reading at 10 a.m. and novelist and scriptwriter Jeffrey Stepakoff

Book Discussion, featuring “The Best Man to Die” by Ruth Rendell, is Thursday, March 15, at 4 p.m. at the Harlem Branch Library. Call 706-556-9795 or visit ecgrl.org. Book Club, featuring “Is Marriage for White People? How African American Marriage Decline Affects Everyone” by Ralph Richard,

Nook tutorials at Barnes and Noble in the Augusta Mall are each Saturday beginning at noon, followed by a Nookcolor tutorial at 12:30 p.m. Free. Call 706-737-0012 or visit bn.com.

Dance

Ballet Folklorico de Antioquia Colombia, a performance that is part of the Lyceum Series, is Saturday, March 10, at 7 p.m. at Maxwell Theatre. $20, general public; $10, children. Call 706-667-4100 or visit aug.edu. Tango Night is every Thursday, 7-9:30 p.m., at Casa Blanca Cafe, 936 Broad Street. Call 706-504-3431 or visit casablancatime.com. Belly Dance Class is every Tuesday at 6 p.m. at Euchee Creek Branch Library. Preregistration required. Call 706-556-0594 or visit ecgrl.org. Augusta International Folk Dance Club meets Tuesday nights from 7:30-9:30 p.m. at the Augusta Ballet Studio on 2941 Walton Way. No partners needed. First visit free. Call 706-399-2477.

Theater

“Children of Eden,” a two-act pop-rock musical produced by the Fort Gordon Dinner Theatre, shows March 9-11, with dinner at 7 p.m. and the show beginning at 8 p.m. $25-$40. Call 706-793-8552 or visit fortgordon.com. Auditions for Enopion Theatre Company’s production of “The Prince is Giving a Ball are each Thursday through March 15 by appointment. The production shows in Augusta. Call 706-771-7777 or visit enopion.com.

fill your bowl so others can too at the Empty Bowl Luncheon on Sunday, Narch 11 reading at 1 p.m. Each will be followed by a discussion, book-signing and reception. Free and open to the public. Call 706-6674437 or visit sandhills.aug.edu. Book Discussion, featuring “The Linnet Bird” by Linda Holeman, is Thursday, March 15, at 11:30 a.m. at the Columbia County Library. Call 706-863-1946 or visit ecgrl.org. 20 METRO SPIRIT 03.08.12

is Thursday, March 15, at 6:30 p.m. at the Headquarters Branch Library. Call 706821-2600 or visit ecgrl.org. Poetry Matters is accepting entries through March 23 for their annual poetry contest. Cash prizes will be give out. Categories are middle and high school, adults and seniors. Visit poetrymatterscelebration.com.

The Columbia County Amateur Series is looking for acts to perform at the Columbia County Amphitheater. Sign-up continues through March 31. Call 706-868-3349 or email ccook@columbiacountyga.gov.

Flix

“Pat and Mike,” part of the Films on Friday series, shows Friday, March 9, at noon at the Morris Museum of Art. Museum Director Kevin Grogan will lead a discussion after the film and participants are invited to bring a lunch. Free. Call 706-724-7501 or visit ecgrl.org. “Howl” shoes Monday, March 12, at 7 p.m. at University Hall room 170. $2. Call 706729-2416 or visit aug.edu. “Straight Talk” shows Tuesday, March 13, at 6:30 p.m. at the Headquarters Branch

Library. Call 706-821-2600 or visit ecgrl.org. “A Good Man” shows Wednesday, March 14, at 6 p.m. at the Morris Museum of Art as part of the Southern Circuit Tour of Independent Filmmakers. Free, members; $3, non-members. Call 706-724-7501 or visit themorris.org. Complicating “The Help” film showing and discussion is Wednesday, March 14, at 7 p.m. at University Hall room 170. Call 706737-1444 or visit aug.edu.

Special Events

The 2012 Miss Georgia Peach Scholarship Competition is Saturday, March 17, at the Pettigrew Center at Fort Valley State University. Georgia girls, ages 4-24, are eligible. Entry deadline is March 10. Visit missgeorgiapeach.org. Goodwill Job Fair is Thursday, March 8, from 10 a.m.-1 p.m. at the South Augusta Job Connection on Peach Orchard Road. Call 706-790-8500 or visit goodwillworks.org. BBQ & Jeans on Greene is Thursday, March 8, at 7:30 p.m. at Sacred Heart Cultural Center and includes food from WifeSaver, music from The Favors and raffles. $35; raffle tickets are $10 for one or $25 for three. Call 706-826-4700 or visit sacredheartaugusta.org. Consignment Sale at Trinity on the Hill is Friday, March 9, from 9 a.m.-7 p.m. and Saturday, March 10, from 8 a.m.-2 p.m. Call 706-738-8822 or visit trinityonthehill.net. The grand re-opening of the Salvation Army’s Thomson Family Thrift Store is Friday, March 9, from 9 a.m.-2 p.m., and includes raffles, food and drinks, games and contests and more. On Saturday, March 10, from 1-1:30 p.m., Ms. Linda the Book Lady will read, with juice and cookies provided. Call 706-922-8338 or visit uss. salvationarmy.org. Pass It On Kidsignment Sale is Friday, March 9, from 9 a.m.-7 p.m. and Saturday, March 10, from 8 a.m.-noon at the gym of Aiken’s First Baptist Church. Visit passitonaiken2.com. Planting, Gardening and Sprouting Festival is Saturday, March 10, from 9:30 a.m.7 p.m. at New Life Natural Foods on Washington Road. The event will include free classes on a variety of subjects, a concert by Tara Scheyer at 2 p.m., and freebies including chair massages, samples and prizes. Call 706-737-8805 or visit newlifeaugusta.com. V. 23 | NO. 10

The Evans Towne Center Park Spring Craft Beer Festival is Saturday, March 10, from noon-7 p.m. at the Lady A Amphitheater in Evans. Free. Chocolate Festival at Reed Creek Park is Saturday, March 10, from 6:30-8:30 p.m. Participants, who should call the park regarding tickets, will enjoy beverages and desserts while experiencing the wetlands at night. Call 706-210-4027 or visit reedcreekpark.com. Juilliard in Aiken is March 10-16 and kicks off with a black-tie gala, preview concert and champagne reception on Saturday, March 10, at 8 p.m. For a complete list of events and to purchase tickets, visit juilliardinaiken.com. In-Shop Wine Tasting is Thursday, March 15, from 5-8 p.m. at Wine World in North Augusta. $5, with a $3 rebate upon purchase on featured wine. Call 803-2799522 or visit wineworldsc.com. Carolina Women: Portraits of Strength and Courage, a one-women show featuring dramatic monologues by Carolyn Taylor, is Thursday, March 15, at 7 p.m. at USCAiken’s Etherredge Center. It is part of the Pickens-Salley Symposium on Southern Women. Free. Call 803-641-3448 or visit usca.edu. Tours of the Boyhood Home of President Woodrow Wilson are Tuesday-Saturday from 10 a.m.-4 p.m., on the hour, at 415 Seventh Street. $3-$5; free for children under 5. Groups of 10 or more need a reservation. Call 706-724-0436 or visit historicaugusta.org. Weekly Wine Tastings at Vineyard Wine Market in Evans are each Friday from 4:306:30 p.m. and each Saturday from 1-6 p.m. Call 706-922-9463 or visit vine11.com. AARP Tax Help is offered through March on Monday, 10 a.m.-2 p.m., at Euchee Creek Branch Library; Tuesday and Thursday, 10 a.m.-2 p.m., at the Columbia County Library; Wednesday-Friday, 10 a.m.-2 p.m., at the Headquarters Branch Library; Thursday, noon-4 p.m., and Friday-Saturday, 10 a.m.2 p.m., at Maxwell Library. Visit ecgrl.org.

Health

Bariatric Seminar is Thursday, March 8, at 1:30 p.m. at Doctors Hospital. Preregistration required. Call 706-651-4343 or visit doctors-hospital.net. GHSU’s Children’s Medical Center Car Seat Class is Thursday, March 8, at 5:45 p.m. V. 23 | NO. 10

at Building 1010C. $10; pre-registration required. Call 706-721-7606 or visit georgiahealth.org/kids. Women’s Center Tour is Thursday, March 8, at 7 p.m. at University Hospital. Preregistration required. Call 706-774-2825 or visit universityhealth.org. Baby 101, an infant care class, is Thursday, March 8, at 7 p.m. at Doctors Hospital. Preregistration required. Call 706-651-2229 or visit doctors-hospital.net. Short and Sweet, a weekend childbirth education class, meets Saturday, March 10, from 9 a.m.-4:30 p.m. and Sunday, March 11, from 1-5 p.m. Pre-registration required. Call 706-651-2229 or visit doctors-hospital.net.

Spine Education and Support Group, for those preparing for spine surgery, is Wednesday, March 15, at 1 p.m. at the Levi Hill III Auditorium. Call 706-774-2760 or visit universityhealth.org. Colon Cancer: A Preventable Disease is Thursday, March 15, at 6 p.m. at Savannah Rapids Pavilion. A talk by surgeon Barry Jenkins and light refreshments are included. Pre-registration required. Visit universityhealth.org. Breastfeeding Class is Thursday, March 15, at 6:30 p.m. at Doctors Hospital. Pre-

Childbirth Tours at GHSU are Saturday, March 10, at 10:30 a.m. and Tuesday, March 13, at 7 p.m. Free, but preregistration required. Call 706-721-9351 or visit georgiahealth.org. Breast Self-Exam Class is Monday, March 12, at 4 p.m. at University Hospital. Preregistration required. Call 706-774-4141 or visit universityhealth.org. Our New Baby, a class for siblings, is Monday, March 12, at 4 p.m. at Trinity Hospital of Augusta. Call 706-481-7727 or visit trinityofaugusta.com. Cup of Tea & DVD, a meeting for pregnant women held by certified doulas, is Monday, March 12, at 7 p.m. at Steinle Wellness Center. Pre-registration required. Call 706-799-9213 or email birthingbychoice@ gmail.com. Daddy Boot Camp, sponsored by the CSRA Breastfeeding Coalition, meets Tuesday, March 13, from 10 a.m.-noon at Trinity Hospital of Augusta. Pre-registration required. Call 706-481-7727 or visit trinityofaugusta.com. Child Safety Seat Inspections, sponsored by Safe Kids East Central, are offered by appointment on Wednesday, March 14 at the Columbia County Sheriff’s Office substation. Call 706-541-3970 or georgiahealth.org. Weight Loss Seminar, sponsored by GHSU’s Weight Loss Center, is Thursday, March 14, at 7 p.m. at the Columbia County Library in Evans. Free, but pre-registration required. Call 706-721-2609 or visit georgiahealth. org/weightloss. METRO SPIRIT 03.08.12 21

registration required. Call 706-651-2229 or visit doctors-hospital.net.

Georgia Health Sciences University. Visit georgiahealth.edu.

Breastfeeding Class is Thursday, March 15, at 7 p.m. at Babies R Us. Free, but preregistration required. Call 706-774-2825 or visit universityhealth.org.

Multiple Sclerosis and Parkinson Disease Aquatics Class meets every Monday and Friday at noon at the Wilson Family Y. Free for members; $3 for non-members. Preregistration required. Call Claudia Collins at 706-922-9664 or visit thefamilyy.org.

Free Colon Cancer Screening Kits are being offered throughout March by Doctors Hospital, who will mail the at-home kits to those interested. Call 706-651-4343 or visit doctors-hospital.net. Child Safety Seat Inspections and Car Seat Class, sponsored by Safe Kids East Central, are offered by appointment at either the Safe Kids Office or Martinez-Columbia Fire Rescue. Call 706-721-7606 or visit georgiahealth.org/safekids. Joint Efforts, presented by Trinity Hospital of Augusta, meets every Thursday from 11-11:45 a.m. at Augusta Bone and Joint, and features a free seminar about knee and hip pain, treatments, medication, food and exercise. Call 706-481-7604 or visit trinityofaugusta.com. Infant CPR Anytime Learning Program will be held Thursdays at 6:30 p.m. at the first floor information desk (west entrance) of

Heart Attack and Stroke Prevention Orientation is every Monday at 6 p.m. and Tuesday at 2 p.m. at University Hospital’s Heart & Vascular Institute (Classroom 3). Call 706-774-5548 or visit universityhealth.org. Adapted Wii Special Populations available by appointment at the Wilson Family Y, and feature individual ½-hour classes for physically and developmentally challenged individuals of all ages. $10, members; $20, non-members. Call Claudia Collins at 706922-9662 or visit thefamilyy.org.

Support

ALS Support Lunch and Learn is Thursday, March 8, from 11 a.m.-2 p.m. at GHSU’s Medical Office Building. Pre-registration required. Call 706-721-2681 or visit georgiahealth.org.

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Breast Cancer Support Group meets Thursday, March 8, at 5:30 p.m. at GHSU’s Cancer Center. Call 706-721-4109 or visit georgiahealth.org.

Men’s Breast Cancer Support Group meets Monday, March 12, at 7 p.m. at University Hospital. Call 706-774-4141 or visit universityhealth.org.

Brain Injury Support Group meets Thursday, March 8, at 6 p.m. at NeuroRestorative Georgia, 2501 Center West Parkway. Call 706-829-0370 or visit wrh.org.

Caregiver Support Group meets Tuesday, March 13, at 3 p.m. at Doctors Hospital. Call 706-651-2283 or visit doctorshospital.net.

Cancer Survivor Support Group meets Thursday, March 8, at 6 p.m. at Augusta Oncology Associates. Open to those with any type of cancer and their family members. Call 706-651-2283 or visit doctors-hospital.net. Look Good… Feel Better Cancer Support Group, a hands-on group workshop for female cancer patients who want to combat appearance-related side effects of chemo and radiation, is Monday, March 12, at 5:30 p.m. at GHSU’s Cancer Center. Preregistration required. Call 706-721-0466 or visit georgiahealth.org. Pink Magnolias Breast Cancer Support Group meets Monday, March 12, at 6:30 p.m. at University Hospital. Call 706-7744141 or visit universityhealth.org.

BUY GET

Let’s Talk Cancer Support Group, for individuals, caregivers and others affected by any type of cancer, meets Tuesday, March 13, at 5:30 p.m. at GHSU’s Cancer Center. Call 706-721-0550 or visit georgiahealth.org. OB/GYN Cancer Support Group meets Tuesday, March 13, at 7 p.m. at University Hospital. Call 706-821-2944 or visit universityhealth.org. Alzheimer’s Disease Support Group meets Thursday, March 15, at 3 p.m. at Westwood Nursing Facility in Evans. Call 706-8637514 or visit universityhealth.org. Narcotics Anonymous, sponsored by Trinity Hospital of Augusta, meets Fridays and Sundays at 7:30 p.m. Call 706-855-2419 or visit trinityofaugusta.com.

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short stuff 04 - POP CULTURE DADS - SCHOOL PIC TIPS - MASTER’S WEEK CAMPS

summer camps guide, part 1 - ARTS - EDUCATIONAL - SPECIALTY - SPORTS - TEENS/TWEENS - TRADITIONAL

Art Camps

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COVER DESIGN | GABRIELVEGA Metro Augusta Parent is a monthly magazine published for area parents. The views do not necessarily represent the views of the publisher. Visit us at metrospirit.com.© 15 House, LLC. Owner/Publisher: Joe White. Legal: Phillip Scott Hibbard. Reproduction or use without permission is prohibited. One copy per person, please.

MARCH 2012 | METRO AUGUSTA PARENT

Full Day Half Day Extended Day Afternoon Courses

METRO SPIRIT 03.08.2012

SHORTSTUFF SHORTSTUFF SHORTSTUFF PARENTESE

Do you recognize some of pop culture’s most famous fathers?

1. Mike Brady, dad to Marsha, Jan, Cindy, Greg, Peter and Bobby on “The Brady Bunch,” held what daytime job?

6. Which of these fairy tale characters’ fathers didn’t bring home a wicked stepmother to torment his offspring?

2. In the nursery rhyme “Bye Baby Bunting,” what does Daddy bring back from his hunt?

7. What TV Dad was the sheriff of Mayberry, North Carolina?

A. dentist B. hairdresser C. architect

A. deer antlers B. a rabbit skin C. a buffalo hide

3. Cliff Huxtable on TV’s “The Cosby Show” particularly loved what type of music? A. jazz B. R&B C. Country

4. Which of the Rugrats’ fathers was a single dad before meeting the woman of his dreams in Paris? A. Chuckie B. Angelica C. Tommy

5. What did father Howard Cunningham do for a living on TV’s “Happy Days?” A. owned a garage B. owned a hardware store C. ran a drive-in restaurant

A. Hansel and Gretel B. Sleeping Beauty C. Snow White

A. Mike Williams B. Dan Connor C. Andy Taylor

8. What cartoon character is father to Elroy and Judy? A. George Jetson B. Fred Flintstone C. Homer Simpson

What actor once starred in the ’80s sitcom “My Two Dads,” an implausible scenario where two friends who once had an affair with the same woman, now share custody of her child? (obviously pre-DNA testing!) A. Jerry Seinfeld B. Paul Reiser C. Bob Saget

In the “Little Bear” books, what does Little Bear’s father do for a living? A. ship’s captain B. banker C. astronaut

Answers: 1) C, 2) B, 3) A, 4) A, 5) B, 6) B, 7) C, 8) A, 9) B, 10) A How well did you do? 8-10 correct: You’d make the old man so proud! 5-7 correct: Is this how I’ve raised you?!! Less than 5 correct: Go to your room and think about what you’ve done.

Say Cheese

Tips to make your kids’ spring school pictures as good as they can be Spring has sprung and, for many, that means a second round of school pictures is about to begin. How can you make sure your child looks his or her best? A few years ago, a couple of local photographers gave Metro Augusta Parent readers some advice that is as true today as it was when it was first printed. Local photographer Tim Conway, for example said the first step is for parents to be on top of things. “Know when picture day is,” he said. “Don’t send them with bed head.” And when it comes to choosing clothes for school photographs, photographer Kevin Jiminez suggested using the same guidelines you would if you took them to a professional studio. “Stick with solid colors. No trendy stuff… stay away from the Little Mermaid T-shirt. The better you dress them, the better the portrait will be,” he said. “But it’s an unfortunate consequence that sometimes your child may be photographed after recess or lunch.” Even if your child is limited in his clothing choices by a uniform, that doesn’t mean

METRO SPIRIT 03.08.12

you’re stuck sending him to be photographed in a plain, white shirt. “Put a sweater on him,” said Conway. “That way, you’ll look at his face, not the white shirt.” Parents will also be less frustrated when the photos arrive if they have realistic expectations. “Don’t expect a beautiful portrait,” said Conway. “When we’re seeing 500 kids a day, it’s documenting time, not a portrait. If we could spend 30 minutes with the child, it would be different, but it’s an assembly line. We’re capturing them quickly. The average photographer only gets one to two shots.” Because photographers’ time is limited, encourage your kids to cooperate. “Sometimes we end up photographing 50 kids an hour. Older kids, third and fourth graders, are liable to act up because their friends are,” said Jiminez. “The time it takes for your kid’s photograph, if they’re acting up, is impacting other kids’ photographs. So tell them that, for that not even two minutes, sit down, behave, smile, and you’ll have a better photograph.” METRO AUGUSTA PARENT | MARCH 2012

Staycation Time!

Master’s Week camps allow your kids to get away from it all Even if you have to work this Master’s Week, these programs will allow your children the opportunity to get away from it all. Maybe it you ask nicely, they’ll let you participate as well. Art Comes to Life Aiken Center for the Arts For ages 5-8 and 9 and up April 2-6, full-day (8 a.m.-4:30 p.m.) and half-day (8 a.m.-noon or 12:30-4:30 p.m.) programs available Campers will explore famous artwork from around the world, as well as make their own. Curriculum in morning and afternoon sessions will be different each day. Full-day, $215, and half-day, $130, options available, with a 10 percent discount to center members. Call 803-641-9094 or visit aikencenterforthearts.org Camp Flip Flop Gymnastics Gold For ages 3-13 years April 2-6 A week loaded with fun, crafts, special events and gymnastics. Call 706-650-2111 or visit gymnasticsgold.com The Family Y Masters Week Camp Various locations For ages 5-12 April 2-6, 9 a.m.-4 p.m., with early drop-off at 7 a.m. and late pick-up until 6 p.m. available at no extra cost Campers will play, swim, participate in arts & crafts and more. Price varies by branch Call 706-922-9622 or visit thefamilyy.org Lucy Craft Laney Museum’s Children’s Academy Golf Camp Jones Creek Golf Club April 3-4, 9 a.m.-1 p.m. Students will receive golf instruction and will also go on a field trip to the Augusta Canal. Call for more information about pricing Call 706-724-3576 or lucycraftlaneymuseum.com MACH Academy’s Exercise Your Body and Mind Masters Week Camp Fleming Tennis Center April 2-6, 9 a.m.-5 p.m. Instruction in science, math, creative writing, computer literacy, nutrition and healthy eating, tennis and fitness, and more. $100 per child, and includes lunch and supplies. Partial scholarships available for qualifying participants. Call 706-796-5046 or visit machacademy.com Masters Week Day Camp The Kroc Center For those ages 4-12 April 2-6, 9 a.m.-3 p.m., with early drop-off and late pick-up available Campers will play games, swim, do arts & crafts and more. Lunch and a snack are provided. Members, $30 a day; non-members; $40 a day. Early drop-off and late pick-up: Free for members, $5 a day for non-members. Call 706-364-KROC or visit krocaugusta.org

MARCH 2012 | METRO AUGUSTA PARENT

METRO SPIRIT 03.08.2012

What Tomorrow Will Bring I have written about my son Emerson off and on for over a decade now. Informally more often than not. But formally on occasion. Most times the result has been a simple love letter to my Boy. Whether I’ve documented some “lesson” we’ve learned or witnessed, discussed the maturity of his questions and theories, or simply catalogued any one of a thousand Emersonisms, the words seem always to recount the knowledge and affection that line my very being. I am the luckiest man ever there was. Now when a man says such a thing too loud or too often, he risks becoming a caricature or a thing taken with only token seriousness. I recognize this and largely agree. The fairly recent and extreme societal shift to Hey look at me leaves me cold and uninterested. As such, and until now, I haven’t written for a broader audience. I’ve preferred to lead by example, wade in my paternal pride, and write for future reference. Never one accused of being particularly quick, indeed I can be slow to recognize. So with that, I say, Hey! Look at me! I am the luckiest man ever there was! I am not the typical dad — whatever that might mean. At least not in the sense I presume the majority of folks gauge such things. I overthink things. Regularly. Things like that last sentence and how arrogant it is for me to presume anything at all about what people may or may not gauge or judge or think. I loathe hypocrisy and then fret my own hypocrisy for pretending to care what people do or do not think. I’m what some lady friends call complex. I’m a conundrum. A complicated 40-something who frets

METRO SPIRIT 03.08.12

endlessly yet presents as though not fretting at all. I’m all and none of those things, of course. Except for the atypical dad thing. That one probably has been earned and confirmed. By suggesting I am atypical, I suppose I mean I am simply wrong as all hell. As father to the most unique and decent human being I’ve ever met, I manage to screw up every single day. Small things mostly. But things of some magnitude as well. My temper or language or rawness or insecurities often bleed into one thing or another and surely mark this Boy of mine. Not likely as deep as I worry, but they mark him just the same. My awareness of this flaw is often painful. But as luck would have it, in addition to worry lines, a receding hairline and what I call my German Shepherd hip, the gift of age has been enlightening. Suddenly, I see not my failures only. Now, I see and give myself credit for the things I am doing right. My Boy, at 10, is as kind, considerate and fine a person as I could ever hope. In addition, he is the single funniest person I know. He has fit with perfection into this atypical construct. Whether by divine intervention or an inherent gravitation to Uncles Spencer and Darwin, the Boy occupies a comfort in his own skin that I’ve never seen in child or adult. I take no credit for that occupation. But, on the flip, I will take every bit of joy and satisfaction it affords. And, truly, it affords a great deal. The manner in which Emerson and I conduct ourselves is not different or unique, actually. As I write this, it occurs to me that it would be the height of arrogance to suggest our way is different or better or worse than yours. We’re just us. We maintain a live and let live existence — as best we can. We would

never presume to criticize the folks next to us who conduct themselves in a way completely foreign to our way of thinking. Nor would we expect to be criticized for something similar. True, Emerson’s first bar experience was at Nashville’s famed Tootsies at five months old. And he has graced Layla’s Bluegrass Inn on more than one occasion. And he is known by name at our local liquor store where he is presented with a lollipop on our way out. Perhaps none RYANBURKHOLDER, a 40-something former latchkey kid who of these is worthy lived in Augusta for 30 years, now calls Nashville, Tennessee, of a Father of the home, where he lives with his 10-year-old son Emerson and Year nomination. their 17-year-old cat Potter. Happily divorced, he works in the But that has never communications department for a large heathcare company and been my goal. describes himself as apolitical, an “unfortunate packrat who Emerson carries his despises clutter” and a First Amendment purist. He loves smallexperiences well. batch bourbons, good cigars and exotic food (including Waffle As did I, growing House), but hates warm beer and most people in grocery stores. up in Augusta “I’ve also sat proudly atop the aged Army tank at Pendleton and frequenting King Park at least 100 times,” he says. far less savory establishments. I too managed to come continue to raise, encourage, embrace, through largely unscathed. correct and help the Boy find his shape. Clearly, my pride in this Boy is infinite. Thus far we are a decade into a He is a keeper by any standard. As most exciting and satisfying journey. such, it is of the utmost importance that I find myself barely able to sleep at I remain acutely aware of my role. My night, excited as a child myself at what obligations to him (and to myself) are tomorrow will bring. clear. They are precious, I’d say. My job:

METRO AUGUSTA PARENT | MARCH 2012

Towardsummer MARCHING

Part I of Metro Augusta Parent’s 2012 Camp Guide

It may only be March, but your kids are already thinking about summer. You can tell by that faraway look in their eyes. When they look at you, however, all they see is the terror of impending doom. How are you supposed to keep your job and not let your kids run wild for almost three months? Two words: Summer Camp! There are organizations aplenty who have already compiled an impressive list of activities to keep your children busy during the summer months with everything from putting on a musical theater production to playing with Legos the likes of which you never saw when you were a kid. In fact, there are so many that Metro Augusta Parent had to split the list in two! So take a gander at what this area has to offer. And if you don’t see anything your kids will like, don’t worry: There’s more coming next month.

Contact: Email julia.morgan@augustaprep.org, augustaprep.org

April’s issue of Metro Augusta Parent will include Part II of our Summer Camp Guide, which will contain overnight camps, Vacation Bible Schools, special needs camps and anything omitted from Part I. If you want to make sure your organization is included, call Amy Christian at 706-496-2535 or email amy@themetrospirit.com.

Beginning Guitar Camps When: Ages 6-10: June 11-15 and July 9-13, 11 a.m.-noon; ages 11 and older: June 11-15, July 9-13, 1-2 p.m. Where: Augusta Preparatory Day School, Knox Music Suite Cost: $120 per week. A maximum of 10 students are accepted per class, and an online registration form is available. Contact: Email cpurdy2@aug.edu, augustaprep.org

ARTS

The Art Factory’s Summer Stock Camp For: Ages 6-16 When: Two three-week sessions from 8:30 a.m.-3 p.m. daily. Dates to be determined. Activities: Focusing on the art of musical theater, campers will receive daily instruction in dance and choreography, theater and set design, music and instrumentation, and visual art and costume design. Cost: $400. Lunch, snacks and camp T-shirts included. Tuition assistance available. Contact: 706-731-0008 or visit artfactoryinc.org Arts and Fitness Camp For: 5-12 graders When: June 11-29, July 9-27 Where: Jessye Norman School of the Arts Cost: Free Contact: 706-877-0411, jessyenormanschool.org Asian Art Camp For: Those ages 9-14 When: July 16-20, 12:15-3 p.m. Where: Augusta Preparatory Day School, Knox Hall Art Room Activities: Participants will create a mixed-media project and learn about Asian artists. Cost: $150 per week. Online registration form available. Contact: Email chad.cole@augustaprep.org, augustaprep.org Augusta Ballet School Nutcracker Dance Camps When: Ages 3-5, June 4-8 and June 11-15, 2:30-4:30 p.m.; Ages 6-8, June 18-22, 2:305 p.m. Where: Augusta Ballet School, 2941 Walton Way Activities: Children will explore the choreography and music of the Nutcracker and will perform for family and friends at the end of camp. Cost: $100 for ages 3-5; $110 for ages 6-8. Pre-registration required by the week before camp. Registration form available on their website. Contact: 706-733-5511 or augustaballetschool.com Augusta Players Summer Theatre Camp For: Ages 6-14 When: Weekdays, June 25-July or July 16-27 Activities: Developing and sharpening musical theater skills in a fun-filled environment. Campers will participate in a performance showcase and talent show at the end of each session. Cost: $200 per session Contact: 706-826-4707 or augustaplayers.org Ballet Camp When: Ages 3-5: June 11-15, 9-11 a.m.; ages 6-8: June 11-15, 11:30 a.m.-1:30 p.m. Where: Augusta Preparatory Day School, Goodwin Commons Activities: Creative movement and ballet, dance education and ballet-related crafts Cost: $120 per week. Online registration form available. MARCH 2012 | METRO AUGUSTA PARENT

Band Camp For: High- and middle-school students — all standard band instruments. Middleschool students should have one full year of school band experience. When: June 18-22, 8:30 a.m.-5 p.m. Where: Augusta State University Performing Arts Theatre Activities: Participants will work on challenging band repertoire, training in musicianship and improving instrumental skills. Separate ensembles for middle- and high-school ages. Cost: $195; before June 4, $170 Contact: 706-737-1636 or ced.aug.edu

Ceramics Arts Camp For: Rising 5th-12th graders When: July 9-20, 9-11 a.m. or noon-2 p.m. Where: Augusta Preparatory School, McCampbell Hall, Room M9 Activities: The basics of hand-built and wheel-thrown pottery making, as well as a variety of decorative and finishing techniques using clay and glazes. Cost: $200, includes supplies. Online registration form available. Contact: 706-855-6951, chrisdickson@augustaprep.org, augustaprep.org Choir Camp For: Middle- and high-school singers When: June 11-15, 9 a.m.-5 p.m. Where: Augusta State University Performing Arts Theatre Activities: Participants will concentrate on healthy singing, learning choral repertoire, musicianship training and music fundamentals. Cost: $195; $170 before May 29 Contact: 706-737-1631 or ced.aug.edu Mini Musical Theater Camp When: Grades K-2, July 16-20, 9 a.m.-3 p.m.; grades K-5, July 23-27, 9 a.m.-3 p.m. Where: Augusta Preparatory Day School, Lower School Music Room Activities: Students will prepare for and perform a musical for their parents and, during the course of the week, will make props, create costumes and backdrops, memorize speaking parts and sing songs.. Cost: $200. An online registration form is available. Contact: E-mail jeannie.williams @augustaprep.org, augustaprep.org Modern Dance Camp For: Rising 3rd-12th graders When: June 25-29, 12:30-3:30 p.m. Where: Westminster Schools of Augusta Activities: A co-ed camp with a mini-recital on the last day. Cost: $150 Contact: wsa.net/summer Orchestra Camp For: Middle- and high-school students who play orchestra strings. Middle-school students should have one full year of orchestra experience or equivalent. When: June 25-29, 9 a.m.-5 p.m. Where: Augusta State University Performing Arts Theatre Activities: Participants will concentrate on playing in two age-appropriate ensembles, chamber music, and classes in music theory and history. Cost: $195; $170 before June 11 Contact: 706-737-1636 or ced.aug.edu Orchestra Camp For: Students who are third-year level on their instruments. When: One evening a week (day to be determined) in June and July from 6-8 p.m. METRO SPIRIT 03.08.2012

Where: Augusta Christian Schools’ band room Activities: Eight rehearsals under the instruction of Rob Nordan, ACS band director and director of the Columbia County Youth Orchestra. Cost: $25, including T-shirt and concert. Contact: columbiacco.org Playwriting and Directing Camp For: Those in grades 5-9 When: July 9-14, 12:30-2:30 p.m. Where: Augusta Preparatory Day School Activities: Students will read literature, critically review movie clips, study film techniques and direct and star in their own movies Cost: $140 Contact: monica.messner@augustaprep.org St. John Choir Camp For: Rising 1st -8th graders When: July 16-22, 9 a.m. -1 p.m. Where: St. John United Methodist Church, Greene St. Activities: Instruction in singing, movement, handbells and drama. Includes lake party on Friday afternoon. Culminating in Sunday service on July 22. Contact: 706-724-9641 or visit stjohnaugusta.org Summer Ceramics Camp For: Rising 5th-8th graders When: June 4-15, 9 a.m.-noon Where: Westminster Schools of Augusta Activities: Students will create six to eight works and go on a field trip. Cost: $150 Contact: wsa.net/summer Summer Theatre Camp When: Ages 6-8, June 18-22, 8:30 a.m.-4 p.m.; ages 9-14, July 11-22, 8:30 a.m.-4 p.m. Where: Augusta Preparatory Day School, Hull Fine Arts Center Activities: Workshops in drama, theatrical dance, stage combat, music, and technical theater. Cost: Ages 6-8: $250, includes T-shirt, six classes and two snacks per day: ages 9-14: $450. Space is limited to 20 campers per group, and an online registration form is available. Contact: E-mail peter.powlus@augustaprep.org, augustaprep.org You Can Act Camp For: Rising 4th-7th graders When: June 25-29, 9 a.m.-noon Where: Westminster Schools of Augusta Activities: Includes the basics of acting taught through theater games, group activities, improve and more. Cost: $150 Contact: wsa.net/summer

EDUCATIONAL

Camp Invention For: Rising 1st-6th graders When: June 18-22, 9 a.m.-3:30 p.m. Where: The Ruth Patrick Science Education Center (on the USC-Aiken Campus) Activities: Campers participate in five modules daily promoting science, math, history and the arts through creative problem-solving and critical thinking skills. Cost: $215 Contact: 800-968-4332 or campinvention.org Camp Invention For: Rising 1st-6th graders When: June 18-22, 9 a.m.-3:30 p.m. Where: Augusta Christian School Activities: Campers participate in five modules daily promoting science, math, history and the arts through creative problem-solving and critical thinking skills. Cost: $215 Contact: 800-968-4332 or campinvention.org Camp Invention For: Rising 1st-6th graders When: June 4-8, and June 11-18, 9 a.m.-3:30 p.m. Where: Martinez Elementary School Activities: Campers participate in five modules daily promoting science, math, history and the arts through creative problem-solving and critical thinking skills. Cost: $215

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Contact: 800-968-4332 or campinvention.org Crazy Science Camp For: Rising 4th-6th graders When: June 18-22, 12:30-3:30 p.m. Where: Westminster Schools of Augusta Activities: A hands-on class. Cost: $175 Contact: wsa.net/summer Eco-Adventures Day Camp For: Ages 10-15 When: June and July, 9 a.m.-4 p.m. Where: Hickory Hill in Thomson Activities: Eco-Adventures campers will test water for pollution, study animals native to the state, learn about organic farming, cook with home-grown foods, feed chickens, make art from recyclable materials and more. Cost: $60 Contact: 706-595-7777 or hickory-hill.org Jump Start For: Rising preschoolers, pre-kindergarteners, kindergarteners and first graders When: July 30-August 3, 9 a.m.-noon Where: Augusta Preparatory Day School, Lower School Activities: Preparing students for the first day of school through songs, games, academics and arts. Cost: $200 Contact: Email cornelia.isaac@augustaprep.org, augustaprep.org Kids University For: Rising 2nd-6th graders When: June 4-8, June 11-15, June 18-22, June 25-29, July 9-13, July 16-20. 8:30-12:30 p.m. (half day) or 8:30 a.m.-5 p.m. (full day) Where: Augusta State University’s Division of Continuing Education Description: Each session a camper chooses three enrichment courses in the morning, or chooses a themed camp, and then spends the afternoon participating in team and problem-solving games, art, special theme weeks and community and ASU campus explorations. Cost: $105- $165. Multiple week discounts available. Contact: 706-737-1636 or ced.aug.edu Kids University For: Rising kindergarteners and first graders When: June 4-8 (In the Spotlight) , June 11-15 (Lego Engineering: Let’s Build a Playground), June 18-22 (Lego Engineering: Let’s Visit Outer Space), June 25-29, July 9-13, July 16-20. 8:30-12:30 p.m. (half day) or 8:30 a.m.-5 p.m. (full day) Where: Augusta State University’s Division of Continuing Education Description: In addition to the camp’s theme, participants can also choose courses to take. Cost: $105- $165. Multiple week discounts available. Contact: 706-737-1636 or ced.aug.edu Math Camps For: 5th-12th graders When: Math Test Strategies: July 23-27 and July 30-August 30, 10-10:55 a.m.; Middle School Pre-Algebra Prep: July 23-27 and July 30-August 3, 9-9:55 a.m.; Algebra Prep: July 23-27 or July 30-August 3, 11-11:55 a.m.; Where: Augusta Preparatory Day School Cost: $125 Contact: Email ryan.kho@augustaprep.org, augustaprep.org Middle School Grammar Review, Study Skills and Organizational Skills Camps When: English Grammar Review (rising 6th graders): July 23-August 3, 9-9:55 a.m.; Study Skills (rising 5th-8th graders): July 23-27 and July 30-August 3, 10-10:55 a.m.; Organizational Skills (rising 5th-8th graders): June 23-26 or July 30-2, 11-11:55 a.m.; English Grammar Review (rising 7th-8th graders): July 23-August 3, 8-8:55 a.m.; Where: Augusta Preparatory School Cost: $100-$190 Contact: melody.mcree@augustaprep.org, augustaprep.org

SPECIALTY

Camp Data For: Campers ages 6-11 Where: Augusta Information Technology Department Activities: Teaches basic computer techniques, as well as introduce participants METRO AUGUSTA PARENT | MARCH 2012

to basic software applications. Applications for the program should be submitted by April 30. Contact: 706-821-2522 or augustaga.gov Chinese Language and Culture Camp For: Rising 3rd-6th graders When: June 25-29, 9 a.m.-noon Where: Westminster Schools of Augusta Cost: $150 Contact: wsa.net/summer Horse Camps For: Ages 7-13 When: May 29-June 1, June 4-8, 11-15, 18-22, 25-29, July 30-August 3. All camps 8 a.m.-4:30 p.m. Where: Hilltop Riding Stable, Fort Gordon Activities: Campers will groom, saddle, bridle and bathe horses; learn horsemanship; experience arena and trail riding; and enjoy arts and crafts, outdoor recreation, swimming and more. Cost: $200 sponsored, $225 unsponsored for all other weeks. Reservations for camp must be made in person at Hilltop during normal business hours. Contact: 706-791-4864 or fortgordon.com Introductory Video Game Creation Camp For: Ages 8-15 When: June 11-15 Where: Augusta Preparatory School Description: Campers will design and program their very own professionallooking video games during this introduction to Game Maker software.Â Cost: Morning or afternoon session: $285, by April 20; $310 after; all-day camp: $435 by April 20; $460 after. Contact: 888-652-4377 or gamebuildercamp.com/video.htm Lego Camp For: Rising 4th-6th graders When: June 18-22 (Lego Engineering: Pneumatics), July 9-13 (Lego Engineering: Space Station Projects), July 16-20, Stop Motion Mania with Legos. Half-day, 8:30

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a.m.-12:30 p.m.; full-day, 8:30 a.m.-5 p.m. Where: Augusta State University Division of Continuing Education at Galloway Hall Cost: $165, full day; $105 half day Contact: 706-737-1636 or visit ced.aug.edu Robocamp For: Rising 5th-8th graders When: June 11-15, 9 a.m.-noon Where: Westminster Schools of Augusta Activities: An introduction to the NXT line of Lego Robotics. Cost: $175 Contact: wsa.net/summer Spanish Language and Culture Camp For: Rising 5th-7th graders When: July 16-20, 9 a.m.-noon Where: Westminster Schools of Augusta Cost: $155 Contact: wsa.net/summer USA Chess Camp For: Ages 5-15, beginner-advanced When: June 11-15 Where: Augusta Preparatory School Cost: Morning or afternoon session: $255 by April 27, $280 after; all-day camp: $405 by April 27, $430 after. Contact: 888-65-CHESS or chesscamp.com Very Vera Cooking Camp When: Beginners (ages 8-10; never attended camp before): June 4-8, June 11-15; Intermediate (ages 9-14; have attended camp before): July 9-13, July 16-20; Advanced Beginners (ages 11-14; have never attended camp before): June 18-22, July 25-29; Advanced (11-14; finished two years of camp), July 23-27; Advanced Plus (11-14; finished three years of camp), July 30-August 3. Where: Very Vera, 3113 Washington Rd. Activities: Budding chefs will develop cooking skills, improve their table etiquette and enjoy the delicious goodies. A showcase luncheon is at the end of the week.

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Cost: $225 per child; $250 for advanced campers. Cost includes cookbook, recipes, activity book, meals and snacks, T-shirt and final banquet for one guest. Contact: 706-860-3492 or veryvera.com Video Game Creation-The Sequel Camp For: Ages 8-15 When: June 11-15 Where: Augusta Preparatory School Description: An intermediate version of the Video Game Creation Camp.Â Cost: Morning or afternoon session: $285, by April 20; $310 after; all-day camp: $435 by April 20; $460 after. Contact: 888-652-4377 or gamebuildercamp.com/video.htm Youth Sailing Camp For: Ages 8-14 When: May 29-June 1, June 4-8, June 11-15, June 18-22, June 25-29, July 9-13, July 16-20; 8:30 a.m.-4:30 p.m. Where: Augusta Sailing Club on Clarks Hill Activities: On-the-water sailing instructions for all levels, as well as on-shore activities. Cost: $200 for ACS members; $225 for non-members. $25 off total registration for those received by April 30. Contact: Jim Holder at 706-651-0587, cv.jholder@mainsheet.net or augustasailingclub.org

SPORTS

All-Sports Camp For: 1st-7th graders When: June 11-15 and July 9-13, 8 a.m.-3 p.m. on Mondays-Thursdays and 8 a.m.noon on Fridays Where: Augusta Preparatory Day School, Blanchard Field Activities: Sports includes basketball, soccer, volleyball, flag football, baseball/ softball, floor hockey, scooter hockey, kickball, catch-me-in, ultimate Frisbee and more. Cost: $160 Contact: myran.hunt@augustaprep.org, augustaprep.org Baseball Camps When: June 4-8 (baseball fundamentals for rising 1st-4th graders), June 4-8 (advanced skills and strategies for rising 5th-8th graders) Where: Westminster Schools of Augusta Cost: $150 Contact: wsa.net/summer Basketball Camp For: Boys and girls, 4th-8th graders When: July 30-August 2, 12:15-4:15 p.m. Where: Augusta Preparatory Day School, Boardman Athletic Center Cost: $100 Contact: myran.hunt@augustaprep.org, augustaprep.org Basketball Camps When: May 29-June 1 (fundamentals for boys, rising 1st-4th graders), June 1822 (fundamentals for girls, rising 2nd-5th graders), May 29-June 1 (advanced skills and strategies for boys, rising 5th-8th graders), May 29-June 1 (advanced skills and strategies for girls, rising 6th-8th graders) Where: Westminster Schools of Augusta Cost: $150 Contact: wsa.net/summer Boys Baseball Camp For: Rising 5th-8th graders When: June 4-7, 8:30 a.m.-noon Where: Augusta Christian Schools Activities: Daily devotionals, plus hitting, fielding and throwing drills and baserunning. Cost: $80, ACS students: $90, non-students. Includes T-shirt. Contact: 706-863-2905 or augustachristian.org Boys Basketball Camp For: Rising 4th-8th graders When: May 29-June 1, 9 a.m.-noon Where: Augusta Christian Schools Cost: $80, ACS students: $90, non-students Contact: 706-863-2905 or augustachristian.org

10 METRO SPIRIT 03.08.12

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Boys Football Camp For: Rising 5th-8th graders When: June 11-14, 9 a.m.-noon Where: Augusta Christian Schools Activities: An introduction to the basics that will also include games, prizes and guest speakers. Cost: $80, ACS students: $90, non-students Contact: 706-863-2905 or augustachristian.org British Soccer Camp When: June 4-8 and June 18-22 at the following times: Mini-Soccer (ages 3-5), 5:307:30 p.m.; half-day Player Development Camps (ages 6-9 and ages 10-16), 9 a.m.noon; full-day Advanced Camp (ages 7-9 and 10-16), 9 a.m.-4 p.m. Where: Augusta Preparatory Day School Cost: Mini-Soccer, $107; Player Development, $128; Advanced Camp, $197 Contact: 706-863-1906 or augustaprep.org Cheerleading Camps When: June 4-8 and June 11-15, lower and middle school/jv Where: Westminster Schools of Augusta Cost: $150 Contact: wsa.net/summer Co-Ed Soccer Camp For: Rising 2nd-8th graders When: June 18-21, 9 a.m.-noon Where: Augusta Christian Schools Activities: A GOAL (Giving Our All for the Lord) program for players of all skill levels that stresses skill work and drills. Cost: $80, ACS students: $90, non-students Contact: 706-863-2905 or augustachristian.org Dr. Piccolo’s Team Basketball 101 Co-Ed Camp For: Rising 3rd-8th graders When: June 18-21, 5-8 p.m. Where: Augusta Christian Schools Activities: An introduction to team concepts in a camp that mainly includes five

on five full-court games. Cost: $80, ACS students: $90, non-students Contact: 706-863-2905 or augustachristian.org Football Camp For: Boys, 1st-5th graders and 6th-12th graders When: June 25-28, 9 a.m.-noon Where: Augusta Preparatory Day School, Blanchard Field Activities: Skills for football players and aspiring football players Cost: By May 20, $120; $150 after Contact: 706-722-6028, harry.bacheller@augustaprep.org, augustaprep.org Football Camps When: June 25-29 (fundamentals for rising 1st-4th graders), June 25-29 (advanced skills and strategies for rising 5th-8th graders Where: Westminster Schools of Augusta Cost: $150 Contact: wsa.net/summer Girls Basketball Camp For: Rising 4th-8th graders When: June 4-7, 9 a.m.-noon Where: Augusta Christian Schools Cost: $80, ACS students: $90, non-students Contact: 706-863-2905 or augustachristian.org Girls Cheerleading Camp For: Rising K5-5th graders When: June 11-13, 9:30 a.m.-1 p.m. Where: Augusta Christian Schools’ Fury’s Ferry Campus Cost: $80, ACS students: $90, non-students Contact: 706-863-2905 or augustachristian.org Girls Volleyball Camp For: Rising 5th-8th graders When: July 23-27, 4:30-6:30 p.m. Where: Augusta Christian Schools

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MARCH 2012 | METRO AUGUSTA PARENT

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Cost: $80, ACS students: $90, non-students Contact: 706-863-2905 or augustachristian.org Golf Camp For: Ages 6-12 When: June 4-8 and June 25-28, 9 a.m.-noon Where: Bartram Trail Golf Club Activities: A non-competitive camp for the beginner or novice that will focus on rules and regulations, etiquette, terms, equipment, drills and tips. Cost: $110 per week. Online registration form available. Contact: johncymca@aol.com, augustaprep.org Gymnastics Gold Camp Flip-Flop For: Ages 4-13 When: Beginning May 21 Where: Gymnastics Gold, Martinez Activities: Gymnastics, arts and crafts, movies, games and educational shows and demonstrations. Cost: Call for more information. Contact: 706-650-2111 or gymnasticsgold.com Gymnastics Gold Summer Preschool Camp For: Ages 3-5 When: Beginning May 21, 9:30 a.m.-12:30 p.m. Where: Gymnastics Gold, Martinez Cost: Call for more information Contact: 706-650-2111 or gymnasticsgold.com Little Lions Co-Ed Basketball Camp For: Rising 1st-3rd graders When: May 23-25, 9-11 a.m. Where: Augusta Christian Schools Activities: Participants will learn the fundamentals of the game, with chances to wine prizes and ribbons. Cost: $50, including T-shirt Contact: 706-863-2905 or augustachristian.org

12 METRO SPIRIT 03.08.12

Soccer Camps When: July 23-27 (fundamentals for rising 1st-4th grades), July 23-27 (advanced skills and strategies for rising 5th-8th graders) Where: Westminster Schools of Augusta Cost: $150 Contact: wsa.net/summer Speed Development Co-Ed Camp For: Rising 6th-12th graders When: June 18-21, 6-8 p.m. Where: Augusta Christian Schools Activities: For participants who want to become faster, quicker and have better agility no matter their sport, which offers drills and techniques. Cost: $80, ACS students: $90, non-students Contact: 706-863-2905 or augustachristian.org Summer Clinics When: June 11-15, June 18-22, June 25-29, July 2-6, July 9-13, July 16-20, July 23-27, July 30-August 3, August 6-10. 9 a.m.-4 p.m., with early drop-off at 8 a.m. at late pickup until 5 p.m. Where: Best 9 Sports Academy, 472D Flowing Wells Road Cost: $100; $80, if signed up for multiple sessions Contact: 706-993-7475, best9sportsacademy.com Tennis Camp For: Boys and girls, 1st-4th graders When: June 11-14, 9 a.m.-noon Where: Augusta Preparatory Day School, Nalley Tennis Center Cost: $100 Contact: 706-799-0758, chris.dickson@augustaprep.org, augustaprep.org Tennis and Swim Camps When: May 21-25, June 4-8, June 11-15, June 18-22, June 25-29, July 9-13, July 1620, July 30-August 3; 9 a.m.-4 p.m. Where: Newman Tennis Center, 3103 Wrightsboro Rd. Activities: Tennis instruction, plus swimming at the aquatics center. Cost: $170, with a $20 discount if registered by May 15 and 10 percent off if signed up for multiple camps.

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Contact: 706-821-1600 or augustaga.gov Volleyball Camps When: June 18-21 and July 10-13. Middle-school girls from 9 a.m.-noon and highschool girls from 1-4 p.m. Where: Augusta Preparatory Day School, Boardman Athletic Center Cost: $130 Contact: 706-414-6145, rich.bland@augustaprep.org, augustaprep.org

TWEEN/TEEN

Algebra Prep Camp For: Grades 8-9 When: July 23-27, July 30-August 3, 11-11:55 a.m. Where: Augusta Preparatory Day School Activities: Participants will solidify their skills before taking Algebra 1. Cost: $125 per week. Online registration form available. Contact: ryan.kho@augustaprep.org, augustaprep.org Beginning Tai Chi For: Rising 6th, 7th and 8th graders When: June 4-8, 11-15, 18-22, 25-29, July 23-27, from 8-9 a.m. Where: Augusta State University Cost: $25 a week Contact: 706-737-1636 or ced.aug.edu Dig History! Archaeology Day Camp For: Ages 11-17 When: June and July, 9 a.m.-4 p.m. Where: Hickory Hill in Thomson Activities: In DIG History! kids experience how archaeologists investigate the past. They explore ancient hunting methods, learn what our garbage says about us, and work alongside professional archaeologists to learn about forensic methods to solve crimes. Cost: $60 Contact: 706-595-7777 or hickory-hill.org Creative Writing Camp For: Grades 5-9 When: July 9-14, 10:30 a.m.-noon Where: Augusta Preparatory Day School, Founders Hall Room 9 Activities: Students will learn about and write short stories, personal narratives, poems or song lyrics through one-on-one support, writing workshop sessions and sharing their work with others. Cost: $130. Online registration form available. Contact: monica-messner@augustaprep.org, augustaprep.org

camps are from 9 a.m.-12:15 p.m. Where: Augusta State University Cost: $165 per week, with a multiple week discount Contact: 706-737-1636 or ced.aug.edu Middle and Upper School Academic Classes For: Rising 8th-12th graders When: July 16-27 (math), June 4-15 (sculpture), June 11-22 (short stories), July 16-20 (study skills), Jul 16-27 (writerâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;s workshop) Where: Westminster Schools of Augusta Cost: Varies by camp Contact: wsa.net/summer Music and Math Camp For: Grades 7-12 When: July 16-20, 1-3 p.m. Where: Augusta Preparatory Day School, Knox Music Suite Activities: Participants will play different instruments, as well as explore the connection between music and math. Cost: $130 per week. Online registration form available. Contact: ryan.kho@augustaprep.org, augustaprep.org Painting with Style Camp For: Ages 9-14 When: July 16-20, 9-11:45 a.m. Where: Augusta Preparatory Day School, Knox Hall Art Room Activities: Participants will explore different styles of paining while improving their own painting techniques and brush control. Cost: $150 per week. Online registration form available. Contact: chad.cole@augustaprep.org, augustaprep.org Photography & Photoshop Basics Camp When: Ages 13 & up: June 11-15, 9-11 a.m. or noon-2 p.m. Where: Augusta Preparatory Day School, McCampbell Hall Publication Room Activities: The basics of digital photography, as well as basic to intermediate skills in Photoshop version CS5. A field trip is scheduled on June 12 to take pictures in downtown Augusta and North Augusta. Participants should bring a digital camera,

Drivers Education For: Those 15 years old by July 15 When: May 29-June 1, 8 a.m.-4 p.m., plus six driving hours Where: Westminster Schools of Augusta Cost: $400 Contact: wsa.net/summer Forensic Science Camp For: Ages 9-14 When: July 9-13 and July 16-20, 9 a.m.-noon Where: Augusta Preparatory Day School, Morris Hall Room 2 Activities: Through mock crime scenes, participants will learn about the science behind crime scene investigation as they gather and process evidence. Cost: $150 per week. Online registration form available. Contact: james.mason@augustaprep.org, augustaprep.org Forestry/Ecology Camp For: Ages 9-14 When: July 9-13 and July 16-20, 12:30-3:30 p.m. Where: Augusta Preparatory Day School, Morris Hall Room 2 Activities: Participants will learn about ecosystems, conservation and forest management while spending time outdoors identifying plants and animals. Cost: $150 per week. Online registration form available. Contact: james.mason@augustaprep.org, augustaprep.org Kids University Teen Edition For: Rising 6th, 7th and 8th graders When: June 4-8 (Construction and Math Mania), June 11-15 (Digital Photography and Photoshop), June 18-22 (Fun with Pen & Ink and Drawing Faces, June 25-29 (China Xplore), July 23-27 (Asian Art: Bento Boxes and masks from Japan. All MARCH 2012 | METRO AUGUSTA PARENT

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USB and money for lunch during the field trip. Cost: $125. Online registration form available. Contact: tara.chokshi@augustaprep.org, augustaprep.org Pottery Camp For: Rising 6th, 7th and 8th graders When: June 4-7, 10-11:30 a.m. Where: Augusta Christian Schools Activities: Participants will hand build a pinch pot and slab vessel, both of which will be glazed. Cost: $70 Contact: 706-863-2905 or augustachristian.org PSAT/SAT Critical Reading/Writing Camp When: July 23-27, 1-2:30 p.m. and July 30-August 3, 10:30 a.m.-noon Where: Augusta Preparatory Day School, McCampbell Hall Room 20 Cost: $155 Contact: 706-863-1906, ext. 352, aubrey.bryant@augustaprep.org, augustaprep.org PSAT/SAT Math Camp When: July 30-August 3, 1:30-3:30 p.m. Where: Augusta Preparatory Day School, McCampbell Hall Room 19 Cost: $155 Contact: 706-294-7210, amy.freitag@augustaprep.org, augustaprep.org Robotics/Programming Camp For: Ages 9-14 When: July 9-13, 12:30-3:30 p.m. Where: Augusta Preparatory Day School, Founders Hall Computer Lab Activities: Participants will build and program robots that move, talk and respond to their environment, and will work as a team using LEGO NXT. Cost: $150 per week. Online registration form available. Contact: charlotte.ealick@augustaprep.org, augustaprep.org Spanish 1 Transition Camp For: 6th and 7th graders When: July 23-August 3, 2-3 p.m. Where: Augusta Preparatory Day School, Founders Hall Room 7 Activities: An introduction to foreign language. Cost: $200 per week. Online registration form available. Contact: gina.turner@augustaprep.org, augustaprep.org Spanish 2 Transition Camp For: 9th-12th graders When: July 23-August 3, 8-10 a.m. Where: Augusta Preparatory Day School, Founders Hall Room 7 Activities: For high school students new to Augusta Prep or those who need a review. Cost: $300. Online registration form available. Contact: gina.turner@augustaprep.org, augustaprep.org Spanish 4 Transition Camp For: 9th-12th graders When: July 23-August 3, 11 a.m.-1 p.m. Where: Augusta Preparatory Day School, Founders Hall Room 7 Activities: For high school students who wish to continue with Spanish beyond level 3. Cost: $300. Online registration form available. Contact: gina.turner@augustaprep.org, augustaprep.org Strategic Games Camp For: Ages 9-14 When: July 16-20, 9 a.m.-noon Where: Augusta Preparatory Day School, Morris Hall Room 2 Activities: Participants will learn new games, as well as new strategies and techniques in order to win the games they already know how to play. Cost: $150 per week. Online registration form available. Contact: ryan.kho@augustaprep.org, augustaprep.org

Recreation Center, Diamond Lakes Community Center, McBean Community Center, McDuffie Woods Community Center and Warren Road Community Center Activities: Recreational activities, as well as games, sports, arts & crafts, field trips and swimming. Cost: $85 per session; $14 per session for Early Risers and $21 per session for Afternoon Adventures Contact: 706-796-5025 or augustaga.gov Camp Cavalier For: Ages 3-14 When: Ants Camp (3-4-year-olds): June 11-15, 18-22, July 9-13, 16-20, 23-27, 9 a.m.-3 p.m. or 9 a.m.-noon; Grasshoppers Camp (5-8-year-olds): June 11-15, 18-22, July 9-13, 16-20, 23-27, 9 a.m.-3 p.m.; Life Skills in the Middle (9-14-year-olds): June 11-15, 1822, July 16-20, 9 a.m.3 p.m.. Extended care is available. Where: Augusta Preparatory Day School Activities: Traditional camp activities, with themes for the younger two age groups each week. Life Skills in the Middle will focus on teaching participants how to do things by themselves like prepare meals, manage money, clean and more. Cost: Ants, half-day: $100; Ants and Grasshoppers, full-day: $180; Life Skills in the Middle: $250. Online registration for available. Contact: cornelia.isaac@augustaprep.org, visit augustaprep.org Camp Wildcat For: Rising K-5th graders When: Weekly sessions in June and July, excluding the week of July 4. Full-day camps are from 9 a.m.-3:30 p.m., with extended camp from 7:30-9 a.m. and 3:30-5 p.m. Half-day camps, 9 a.m.-noon or 12:30-3:30 p.m. Where: Westminster Schools of Augusta Cost: Full-day, $200; half-day, $115; extended day, $40 (a.m. or p.m.) Contact: wsa.net/summer Cub Scout Day Camp For: Boys ages 6-10 or rising 1st-5th graders who are registered with Boy Scouts of America When: Wildwood Park in Appling and Aiken, July 9-13, 8:30 a.m.-3:30 p.m Activities: Archery, BBs, water play, sports, crafts, conservation, team-building and more. Cost: $80, by June 1; $95 until registration deadline of June 15 Contact: 706-733-5277 or visit gacacouncil.org Girl Scouts Camp Tanglewood For: Ages 6-17. Campers do not have to be Girl Scouts When: Sessions June 1-3, June 3-8, June 10-15, and June 17-22 Where: Martinez Activities: Campers will participate in activities based on themes that includes Smores Campout, Camping Through the Years: The 1920s and Beyond, Around the World in a Week, Splish Splash, Tanglewoodâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;s Fine Arts Academy and Journey Camp: Itâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;s Your World, Change It! Contact: 706-863-0764 or gshg.org Whole Life Ministries Half-Day Summer Programs For: Ages 1-4 When: Throughout the summer from 9 a.m.-1 p.m. Activities: Arts & crafts, water fun, games, movies and Bible stories Cost: Call for more info Contact: 706-737-4530, wholelife.org Whole Life Ministries Kidriffic Summer Programs For: Ages 5-12 When: Throughout the summer from 9 a.m.-4 p.m., with early drop-off at 7:30 a.m. and late pick-up by 5:30 p.m. Activities: Summer reading program, arts & crafts, swimming, games, movies, kids church live, music, horseback riding, bowling and more. Cost: $85 per week Contact: 706-737-4530, wholelife.org

TRADITIONAL

Augusta Recreation and Parks Summer Day Camps For: Ages 4-12 When: Two-week sessions June 4-15, June 18-29, July 9-20 and July 23-August 3 from 9 a.m.-3 p.m. Early risers program, at many locations, is from 7-9 a.m. and Afternoon Adventures is from 3-6 p.m. Where: Brigham Community Center, Bernie Ward Community Center, Blythe

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METRO AUGUSTA PARENT | MARCH 2012

AA Meets every Sunday and Wednesday at 7:15 p.m. at Aiken Regional Medical Center (Aurora Pavilion), and features an open discussion. Call 800-322-8322 or visit aikenregional.com. Burn Support Group meets every Tuesday at 10:30 a.m. at Doctors Hospital (Lori Rogers Nursing Library, JMS Building). All burn survivors, and their families and friends are welcome. Call Tim Dorn at 706651-6660 or visit doctors-hospital.net. Moms Connection, a free support group for new mothers and their babies, meets Tuesdays from 1-2 p.m. at Georgia Health Sciences Building 1010C. Call 706-7219351 or visit georgiahealth.org.

Education

Open House for prospective students, grades K3-12th, and their families is Thursday, March 8, at 7 p.m. at Augusta Christian Schools. Call 706-863-2905 or visit augustachristian.org. Space Flight: A Human Perspective, a talk by four-time space shuttle astronaut Kathryn Thornton, is Thursday, March 8, at 7 p.m. at ASU’s Maxwell Theatre. Call 706737-1541 or visit aug.edu. Historic Downtown Augusta Walking Tour, led by Historic Augusta’s Erick Montgomery, is Saturday, March 10, at 10:30 a.m. and will meet in the Georgia Room on the third floor of the Headquarters Branch Library. Call 706-926-1511. Windows Part I for Beginners computer class meets Monday, March 12, at 10 a.m. at the Columbia County Library. Preregistration required. Call 706-863-1946 or visit ecgrl.org. eBook Account Registration and Discussion is Monday, March 12, at 5:30 p.m. at the Columbia County Library. Call 706-8631946 or visit ecgrl.org. West Augusta Alliance, made up of neighborhoods in the 30904, 30907 and 30909 zip codes, meets Monday, March 12, at 7 p.m. at the Warren Road Gym. Republican candidates from the 12th congressional district will each be given six minutes to speak. Free and open to the public. Email davislori@hotmail.com. What to Wear and What to Say, part of the Let’s Get a Job series, is Tuesday, March 13, at 10 a.m. at the Headquarters Branch Library. Call 706-821-2600 or visit ecgrl.org. Darkness to Light: Stewards for Children, a V. 23 | NO. 10

free child sexual abuse prevention program, is Tuesday, March 13, from 1:30-4:30 p.m. at St. Teresa of Avila Catholic Church. Pre-registration is required and registration at the event begins at 1 p.m. Call 706-7374631 or visit childenrichment.org. Reason, Emotion and Moral Action: Bringing Philosophy into Dialogue with Neuroscience, presented by USC’s Aubrey Bryant as part of ASU’s Philosophy Lecture Series, is Tuesday, March 13, at 2:30 p.m. in Allgood Hall’s N126. Free. Call 706-7371709 or visit aug.edu. Excel II-Formulas is a computer class that meets Wednesday, March 14, at the Headquarters Branch Library. PINES card required. Call 706-821-2600 or visit ecgrl.org. Internet Part 2 for Beginners computer class is Wednesday, March 14, at 10 a.m. at the Columbia County Library. Preregistration required. Call 706-863-1946 or visit ecgrl.org. Computing for Beginners, a three-session class, meets Wednesday, March 14-28, at 6 p.m. at the Diamond Lakes Branch Library. Pre-registration required. Call 706-7722432or visit ecgrl.org. Career and Graduate School Fair is Thursday, March 15, from 10 a.m.-1 p.m. at Paine College’s Peters Campus Center. Free and open to the public. Call 706-821-8307 or visit paine.edu. Intro to Computers Class is Thursday, March 15, at 6 p.m. at the Wallace Branch Library. Call 706-722-6275 or visit ecgrl.org. Applications are now begin accepted for Leadership Columbia County’s Class of 2013. Deadline for applications is Thursday, April 19, at 5 p.m. Call 706-651-0018 or visit columbiacountychamber.com. Work Networking Group is held each Monday from 8:30-10 a.m. at Grace United Methodist Church in North Augusta. A networking and informational meeting for anyone looking for a job, the group meets in room 206 of the Asbury Building and is facilitated by career and business professionals. Call 803-279-7525 or email doctor@pritchardgroup.com. GED classes are offered every Monday and Thursday at 6 p.m. and every MondayThursday at 9:30 a.m. at the Headquarters Branch Library (Third Floor Writing Lab). PINES library card required. Call Charles Garrick at 803-279-3363 or visit ecgrl.org. METRO SPIRIT 03.08.12 23

Computer classes are offered every Thursday at 6 p.m. at the Wallace Branch Library. Call 706-722-6275 or visit ecgrl.org. ESL classes are offered every Wednesday at 6 p.m. at Headquarters Branch Library (Third Floor Writing Lab). Pre-registration required. Call Charles Garrick at 803-2793363 or visit ecgrl.org. Intermediate Spanish Language Class is each Monday from 2:30-4 p.m. at Friedman Library. Pre-registration required. Call 706736-6758 or visit ecgrl.org. Beginnerâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;s Spanish Language Class is each Monday from 4-5 p.m. at Friedman Library. Pre-registration required. Call 706-7366758 or visit ecgrl.org.

Benefits

Symphony of Kitchen, an Augusta Symphony Guild event, begins with a Toast to the Tour Party on Friday, March 9, at 7 p.m. at Ferguson Bath, Kitchen & Lighting Gallery. The tour itself, which includes six homes in Augusta and two in West Lake, is Saturday, March 10, from 10 a.m.-4 p.m. Call 706-826-4705 or visit soaugusta.org.

Sunday, March 11, from 11 a.m.-3:30 p.m. at the Augusta Jewish Community Center and includes food, entertainment, raffles and silent auctions. Advance tickets: $15, adults; $5, kids. At the door: $20, adults; $7.50, kids. Call 706-228-3636 or visit augustajcc.org. Breakfast at the Gallops, to benefit the Aiken Thoroughbred Racing Hall of Fame, is Wednesday, March 14, from 8-10 a.m. at the Aiken Training Track. $20, advance; $25, gate. Call 803-642-7631 or visit aikenracinghalloffame.com. 20th Annual Art Patchin Jr. Celebration is Thursday, March 15, at 6 p.m. at The Richmond on Green. A benefit for the endowment named after this cancer patient, the event features testimonies, auction items, prize drawings, food and drinks and more. $50 per person; $75, couples. Call 706-667-0030 or visit universityhealth.org. Book Drive of new and slightly used books for K5-5th grade reading levels, which will be donated to local public school libraries, will be held through March 31 at Gerald Jones Mazda Mitsubishi. Visit geraldjonesmazda.com.

11th Annual Empty Bowl Luncheon is

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V. 23 | NO. 10

Karma Yoga is offered at Just Breathe Studio, downtown Aiken, each Friday at 10 a.m. and is free if participants bring a donation of a personal item, which will be given to the Cumbee Center to Assist Abused Persons. Call 803-648-8048 or visit justbreathestudio.com.

Sports-Outdoors

Augusta RiverHawks vs. the Knoxville Ice Bears is Friday, March 9, at 7:35 p.m. a the James Brown Arena. $10-$18. Call 877-4AUGTIX or visit georgialinatix.com. Adaptive Golf Clinic is Tuesday, March 13, from 10 a.m.-noon at the First Tee of Augusta. Reservations recommended. Call 706-826-5809 or email alsalley@wrh.org. Georgia Master Naturalist Program, a 10week series for those who want to become more informed about the state’s natural resources, begins Thursday, March 15, at 4 p.m. at Phinizy Swamp Nature Park. Pre-registration required. $260, members; $300, non-members. Call 706-828-2109 or visit naturalsciencesacademy.org.

Front and rear lights, as well as a helmet, are required. Call 706-724-6777 or visit andyjordans.com. Guided Trail Rides at Hilltop Riding Stables at Fort Gordon are available Saturdays at 9 a.m., 10:30 a.m., noon, 1:30 p.m. and 3 p.m.; Sundays at 9 a.m., 10:30 a.m. and noon; and Wednesday-Friday at 11 a.m. with reservations 24 hours in advance. All trail rides are on a first-come, first-served basis, and participants should arrive 30 minutes prior to the trail ride starting for sign in procedures. $23-$30. Call 706791-4864 or visit fortgordon.com. Zumba with Sohailla is every Saturday from 10-11 a.m. at the Ballroom Dance Center in Evans. Call 706-421-6168 or visit zumbawithsohailla.blogspot.com. Civil War 150th Anniversary Petersburg Boat Tours are Saturdays at 10 a.m. and Sundays at 1:30 and 4:30 p.m. This one-hour tour explores the role the canal played during the war. $12.50. Visit augustacanal.com.

Wheelchair Tennis is each Monday at 6 p.m., weather permitting, at the Club at Rae’s Creek. Free and open to the public. Call 706826-5809 or visit alsalley@wrh.org.

Saturday Historic Trolley Tours are Saturdays from 1-4:15 p.m. at the Augusta Museum of History. Reservations required 24 hours in advance. $12. Call 706-7244067 or visit augustamuseum.org.

Augusta Canal Boat Tours lasting one hour are offered Monday-Saturday at 10 a.m., 11:30 a.m., 1:30 p.m. and 3 p.m., and Sunday at 1:30, 3 and 4:30 p.m. All tours include admission to the Augusta Canal Interpretive Center. Call 706-823-0440 or visit augustacanal.com.

Lakeside Rideouts at Hilltop Riding Stables at Fort Gordon are each Sunday beginning at 1:30 p.m. on a first-come, first-served basis. The ride, which begins at 2 p.m., is a two-hour guided ride to Wilkerson Lake. $45-$50. Call 706-791-4864 or visit fortgordon.com.

The Augusta Fencers Club is open five nights a week from 5:30-9 p.m. and most Saturday mornings from 10 a.m.-noon. Visitors always welcome. Call 706-722-8878.

Yoga Class at Euchee Creek Branch Library meets every Tuesday at 4 p.m. Call 706556-0594 or visit ecgrl.org.

Thursday Night Chain Reaction Ride begins at 6 p.m. each Thursday at Patriots Park in Grovetown. For intermediate to fastpaced cyclists, who average 25-32 miles. Participants should bring their own water and helmet. Call 706-855-2024 or visit chainreactionbicycles.net. Riverview Disc Golf League meets each Thursday at 6 p.m. at Riverview Park in North Augusta. $5 entry fee and $1 ace pool. Call 803-215-8181 or visit augustadiscgolf.com. Road Bike Ride meets each Thursday at 6:30 p.m. at Andy Jordan’s Bicycle Warehouse downtown for an approximately 25-mile ride at a moderate to fast pace. V. 23 | NO. 10

Nacho Mama’s Group Run is each Wednesday at 5:30 p.m. and features food and drinks afterwards. Three- and four-mile routes are available for all ages and abilities of runners. Call 706-414-4059 or email jim@enduranceconcepts.com. Hott Shott Disc Golf is each Wednesday at 7 p.m. at Killer B Disc Golf, 863 Broad Street, and features games and prizes for all ages and skill levels. $2. Call 706-814-7514 or visit killerbdiscgolf.blogspot.com/p/hott-shott.

Kids

What’s in the Box? Dip, Drip and Roll, a toddler art program, is Thursday, March 8, at 10 a.m. or 11:15 a.mm. at the Morris Museum of Art. Free, museum members; $4, non-members Pre-registration

required. Call 706-724-7501 or visit themorris.org. Family Movie Night, featuring “Soul Surfer,” is Thursday, March 8, at 5 p.m. at the Harlem Branch Library. Call 706-556-9795 or visit ecgrl.org. Dr. Seuss’ Birthday Party is Thursday, March 8, at 6:30 p.m. at the Columbia County Library. Pre-registration required. Call 706-863-1946 or visit ecgrl.org. Childcare and Babysitting Safety, a class for those ages 11-14, is Saturday, March 10, from 9 a.m.-3 p.m. at Trinity Hospital of Augusta. Pre-registration required. $30, with lunch included. Call 706-481-7604 or visit trinityofaugusta.com. Qualifying Rounds for the Hunger Games Tournament, for ages 12-18, begin Saturday, March 10, at 10:30 a.m. at the Appleby Branch Library. Other qualifying rounds, in preparation for the finale later in the month, include Saturday, March 10, at 2 p.m. at the Headquarters Branch Library; Monday, March 12, at 6:30 p.m. at the Friedman Branch Library; Tuesday, March 13, at 6 p.m. at the Maxwell Branch Library; and Friday, March 16, at 2 p.m. at the Diamond Lakes Library. Participants will compete in a Training Days board game, and refreshments will be provided. Preregistration required. Visit ecgrl.org. Mission to Mars shows Saturday, March 10, at 7 and 8 p.m. at USC-Aiken’s DuPont Planetarium. $1-$4.50. Reservations recommended. Call 803-641-3654 or visit http://rpsec.usca.edu/planetarium. Special St. Patrick’s Day Story Time is Wednesday, March 14, at the Wallace Branch Library. Call 706-722-6275 or visit ecgrl.org. Go Green Craft Workshop, for kids ages 3-5, is Thursday, March 15, at 11 a.m. at the Appleby Branch Library. Call 706-7366244 or visit ecgrl.org. Applications are now being accepting for Columbia County’s Youth Leadership Class of 2013. Applicants must be a rising sophomore or junior in the 2012-2013 school year, and applications are due Thursday, March 29, at 5 p.m. Call 706-6510018 or visit columbiacountychamber.com. Teen Tech Week Contest, for those ages 12-18, goes on through March 10 at the Headquarters Branch Library. A random drawing will be held March 12 to determine the winner of a $25 Target gift card. Call

706-821-2600 or visit ecgrl.org. Art Comes to Life, a spring break camp at the Aiken Center for the Arts, is April 2-6 for campers ages 5-8. Full-day, $215, and half-day, $130, options available, with a 10 percent discount to center members. Preregistration required. Call 803-641-9094 or visit aikencenterforthearts.org. Exercise Your Body and Mind Masters Week Camp, sponsored by MACH Academy, is Monday, April 2-Friday, April 6 from 9 a.m.-5 p.m. at the Fleming Tennis Center, and includes instruction in science, math, creative writing, computer literacy, nutrition and healthy eating, tennis and fitness, and more. $100 per child, and includes lunch and supplies. Partial scholarships available for qualifying participants. Pre-registration required. Call 706-796-5046 or visit machacademy.com. Preschool Story Time is every Tuesday at Headquarters Branch Library at 10 a.m. Toddler Story Time is every Wednesday at 10 a.m. Group registration required. Call 706-821-2600 or visit ecgrl.org. Story Time is every Tuesday at 10 a.m. at Diamond Lakes Branch Library. Groups of six or more must pre-register. Call 706772-2432 or visit ecgrl.org. Story Time is every Tuesday at 10 a.m. at Friedman Branch Library. Groups of six or more must pre-register. Call 706-7366758 or visit ecgrl.org. Story Time is every Wednesday at 10 a.m. at Maxwell Branch Library. Preregistration required. Call 706-793-2020 or visit ecgrl.org. Story Time is every Wednesday from 1011:15 a.m. at Wallace Branch Library. Preregistration required. Call 706-722-6275 or visit ecgrl.org. Story Time is every Tuesday at 10:30 a.m. at Harlem Branch Library. Call 706-5569795 or visit ecgrl.org. Ceramics Class, for ages 14 and up, meets Mondays at 9 a.m. or 6 p.m., Tuesdays at 6 p.m., and Wednesdays at 9 a.m. in the Weeks Ceramics Center. Call 803-642-7631 or visit cityofaikensc.gov. Toddler Time, free play for children ages 5 and under, is each Monday and Wednesday from 9:30-11:30 a.m. at the H.O. Weeks Center in Aiken. Call 803-642-7631 or visit cityofaikensc.gov. METRO SPIRIT 03.08.12 25

Wacky Wednesday Story Time is each Wednesday at 10 a.m. in the children’s department of Barnes and Noble in the Augusta Mall. Call 706-737-0012 or visit bn.com. Story Time is every Wednesday at Appleby Branch Library from 10:05-10:20 a.m. for toddlers 18 months-35 months, and from 10:30-11:15 a.m. for preschoolers ages 3 and up. Parent must stay with child. Call 706-736-6244 or visit ecgrl.org. Story Time is every Wednesday from 10:15-10:45 a.m. for Pre-K, and 11:3011:55 a.m. for toddlers at Aiken County Public Library. Call 803-642-2023 or visit abbe-lib.org. Story Time is every Wednesday from 10:3011 a.m. for toddlers and 11:15-11:45 a.m. for preschoolers at North Augusta Branch Library. Call 803-279-5767 or abbe-lib.org.

Seniors

Games for Seniors at the Weeks Center in Aiken include Rummikub each Thursday from 9 a.m.-noon, Mahjong each Thursday from 1-4 p.m., Bridge each Friday from 11:30 a.m.-3 p.m., Bingo each Tuesday at 9 a.m., Pinochle each Tuesday from 10:30 a.m.-2:30 p.m., and Canasta on Tuesdays and Fridays from 11:30 a.m.-3:30 p.m. Call 803-642-7631 or visit cityofaikensc.gov. Silversneakers I is offered Mondays and Wednesdays at 9 a.m. and Tuesdays, Thursdays and Fridays at 11:15 a.m., while Silversneakers Yogastretch is offered Mondays and Wednesdays at 11:15 a.m. at the Weeks Center in Aiken. Call 803-6427631 or visit cityofaikensc.gov.

DECLASSIFIED

Ceramics Class is offered at 9 a.m. on Mondays or Wednesdays and 6 p.m. on Mondays or Tuesdays at the Weeks Center. Call 803-642-7631 or visit cityofaikensc.gov.

(actual size) 1.5” x 1.9” Tall $40 per week

26 METRO SPIRIT 03.08.12

Fit 4 Ever is offered at the Weeks Center in Aiken on Mondays, Wednesdays, Thursdays and Fridays from 10-11 a.m. Call 803-6427631 or visit cityofaikensc.gov. Line Dancing is each Tuesday at the Weeks Center in Aiken at 10 a.m. Call 803-6427631 or visit cityofaikensc.gov. Yoga I and II are offered at the Weeks Center in Aiken on Tuesdays, Thursdays and Fridays from 8:45-9:45 a.m. and on Mondays and Wednesdays from 5:306:30 p.m. Call 803-642-7631 or visit cityofaikensc.gov.

Hobbies

Basic Horticulture Class, sponsored by the Augusta Council of Garden Clubs and featuring subjects including indoor and container gardening, bromeliads and begonias, indoor and jewel box gardening and a tour of Sanderline Greenhouses, is Saturday, March 10, at Aldersgate United Method Church. Pre-registration required. Call 706-736-6793, email vallenotr@aol. com or visit augustacouncilgc.com. Crafters Night is each Monday from 6-8 p.m. at the Kroc Center. Call 706-364-5762 or visit krocaugusta.org. Simple Cooking Class meets each Monday from 6:30-8:30 p.m. at the Kroc Center. Call 706-364-5762 or visit krocaugusta.org.

Volunteers

Augusta Public Library is looking for volunteers. Friends of the library receive a 10 percent discount at The Book Tavern, complimentary dessert at French Market Grille, one free Petersburg Boat Ride, free coffee and discounts at Sundrees Market, and bogo admission at the Woodrow Wilson House. Call 706-821-2600 or visit ecgrl.org.

Amy Christian at amy@themetrospirit.com. If you would like to see your organization’s The deadline for each Thursday’s issue is events listed in our calendar, please email the previous Friday at noon.

HOSPITALIST POSITION Send resume as to the position of Hospitalist to University Health Care 1350 Walton Way Augusta, GA 30901 Attention: Becky Echols

Danced with you at 1102(back bar) this past friday night(First Friday). You were wearing jeans,flip flops and aqua blue shirt. Me- red tshirt and jeans. Had a great time,then you were gone. Call me at

803.341.2628

All declassified ads are Cash in Advance (credit card payment required) and are $40 per week. Visit metrospirit.com to place your ad in minutes. V. 23 | NO. 10

THE

EIGHT

BOX TOPS

That’s an awfully big number for such a little orange... whatever he is. RANK

TITLE

WEEKEND GROSS

TOTAL GROSS

WEEK #

LAST WEEK

DR. SEUSS’ THE LORAX

$70,217,070

PROJECT X

$21,051,363

ACT OF VALOR

$13,572,578

$45,111,924

SAFE HOUSE

$7,390,935

$108,355,425

TYLER PERRY’S GOOD DEEDS

$7,047,061

$25,791,693

“A Separation”

SAMEIFLING

Best Foreign Language film deserves every honor it gets

“A Separation,” the flawlessly conceived Iranian film just honored with the Oscar as the best foreign language movie of the year, reveals itself in deliberate and graceful motions throughout. But first, a divorce hearing. Simin (the striking Leila Hatami) sits before an unseen judge to state her case for leaving Nader (Peyman Moadi), at her side. After years of trying, they received visas allowing the family to move abroad. She hopes her daughter can grow up under different conditions (she doesn’t specify what about Iran vexes her, even when the judge presses). Meanwhile, Nader refuses to leave his father, who is stricken with Alzheimer’s. They argue. The judge waves them off, saying their problems don’t warrant divorce. Simin moves out to live with her parents, and with that a chain of small events is triggered. Without her in the house, Nader has to hire a caregiver for the ailing father. He settles on Razieh, a young mother with wide eyes, a delightful young daughter and a baby bump beneath her flowing garments. She is devout; when Nader’s father soils himself, the caregiver places a phone call to ask a religious authority whether undressing and cleaning him would constitute a sin. She’s also overwhelmed. Squeezed by her lengthy commute, household chores, watching her daughter and keeping tabs on the wandering old man, she makes a mistake — and from there, more and greater problems mount. Her husband, a fiery, indebted cobbler played by Shahab Hosseini, comes to the fore, and clashes with Nader. Made for a half-million bucks last year by writer/director Asghar Farhadi, and released to gushing worldwide acclaim, the Persian-language “A Separation” must by this point be straining under its plaudits. It breaks the template of lauded international hits; it doesn’t take place during wartime or in some distant historical epoch. V. 23 | NO. 10

Its settings are, by any stretch, mundane — cramped courtrooms, an ample apartment, the occasional other office or home or car. The families depicted are neither prominent nor politically important. This is, at its heart, a family drama, albeit one rendered with the precision and craftsmanship of an espionage thriller. The dialogue and editing, both uncommonly taut, tease out the story gently while concealing the force they’re building. The questions of who knew what when, and how, take on an urgency rarely seen in films about feuds. Even at more than two hours, this is tight moviemaking at its finest. Whatever “A Separation” has won, it has earned. No small part of its power comes from its performances, which are brilliant across the board. The ensemble turns out to have an unlikely lynchpin in the 11-year-old daughter at the center of Simin and Nader’s conflict. As both mother and father prove capable of shady judgment and petty power plays, Termeh (Sarina Farhadi) is dragged through their every misstep. American audiences are accustomed to seeing children play the part of the rope in divorce tug-of-wars, at least since “Kramer v. Kramer” was named Best Picture in 1979. That was the same year the Islamic revolution made Iran a perpetual foil to the United States; at turns an enemy, at turns a target. The higher promise of “A Separation” is not just in its adroitness as a story, but as a cultural sample of a country that Americans speak blithely of nuking. Modern Iran is surely no less conflicted than the America of the late ’70s, and just as social forces pressed upon the Kramers, so do economics, religion and politics mold the characters of “A Separation.” But in this glimpse of modern Iran, the families are so instantly recognizable and engaging that borders evaporate. This is Axis of Evil cinema to render that phrase blessedly absurd. METRO SPIRIT 03.08.12 27

OPENING FRIDAY, MARCH 9

ACTION

“John Carter,” rated PG-13, starring, Taylor Kitsch, Lynn Collins, Willem Dafoe, Samantha Morton. No, this is not a movie about Noah Wyle’s character from TV’s “ER.” It’s actually a sci-fi adventure, set on Mars and based on novels by Edgar Rice Burroughs. Big difference.

COMEDY

“Friends with Kids,” rated R, starring Jennifer Westfeldt, Adam Scott, Maya Rudolph, Chris O’Dowd. Two best friends decide to skip the love and marriage part and go straight to the baby carriage. “A Thousand Words,” rated PG-13, starring Eddie Murphy, Kerry Washington. It doesn’t say much about this comedy with an important lesson at the end of it that is was finished in 2008 but not released until now. Perhaps they should have shopped it around as an afterschool special.

C E R WE

Movie times are subject to change.

The Big Mo

Gates open at 7 p.m.; shows begin at 8:30 p.m. (approximately) March 9-11 Field 1: The Lorax (PG) and Big Miracle (PG); Field 2: John Carter (PG-13) and Mission: ImpossibleGhost Protocol (PG-13); Field 3: The Artist (PG-13) and The Vow (PG-13)

Masters 7 Cinemas March 9 Haywire (R) 5:15, 7:20, 9:50; Joyful Noise (PG-13) 4:15, 7, 9:50; Extremely Loud & Incredibly Close (PG-13) 4:30, 9:30; The Adventures of Tintin (PG) 7:10; The Girl with the Dragon Tattoo (R) 5, 8:30; Mission: Impossible-Ghost Protocol (PG13) 4, 6:50, 9:40; Alvin and the Chipmunks: Chipwrecked (G) 5:15, 7:30, 9:40; Sherlock Holmes: A Game of Shadows (PG-13) 4, 6:40, 9:30

D N E M M O

“Tabloid” Yes, it’s a documentary, but before you start nodding off, it’s not that kind of a documentary. However, if you like crazy abduction stories and former beauty queens who are barking mad — this is the film for you. It has everything: Mormons, sex scandal, Miss Wyoming, John Travolta, cloned pit bulls, transcontinental stalking… “Tabloid” is definitely a case of the truth being stranger than fiction. In the film, Errol Morris does a fabulous job telling the story of Joyce McKinney, a former Miss Wyoming who grew to notoriety during the ’70s after a scandal so bizarre one might balk at the truthfulness behind it. McKinney was accused of kidnapping and raping Kirk Anderson, an American Mormon missionary. Rumor has it that Anderson was taken, possibly at gunpoint, to a cottage in Devon, where he was handcuffed to a bed for three days and was forced to have sex with McKinney. The case, most commonly referred to as, the “Case of the Manacled Mormon,” became a major tabloid story and triggered a battle between The Daily Mirror and The Daily Express in Britain. The film is based on interviews of McKinney conducted by Morris. The story itself is engaging enough, but the most captivating part of the film is Joyce McKinney. McKinney’s enigmatic presence in her direct interviews is mesmerizing. She’s smart (she supposedly has an IQ of 168), charismatic and is quite possibly the most entertaining train wreck I’ve ever seen on film. — Valerie Emerick 28 METRO SPIRIT 03.08.12

THE8ERS

March 10 Haywire (R) 1, 3:10, 5:15, 7:20, 9:50; Joyful Noise (PG-13) 1:30, 4:15, 7, 9:50; Extremely Loud & Incredibly Close (PG-13) 4:30, 9:30; The Adventures of Tintin (PG) 1:30, 7:10; The Girl with the Dragon Tattoo (R) 1:45, 5, 8:30; Mission: Impossible-Ghost Protocol (PG-13) 1:15, 4, 6:50, 9:40; Alvin and the Chipmunks: Chipwrecked (G) 1, 3:10, 5:15, 7:30, 9:40; Sherlock Holmes: A Game of Shadows (PG-13) 1:15, 4, 6:40, 9:30

Evans Cinemas

House (R) noon, 2:05, 4:10; A Thousand Words (PG-13) noon, 2:25, 4:50; Dr. Seuss’ The Lorax (PG) noon, 12:40, 2:20, 3, 4:40, 5:20, 7, 7:40, 10; Project X (R) noon, 2:10, 4:25, 6:40, 9:35; Act of Valor (R) 12:10, 2:40, 5:10, 7:40, 10:10; Gone (PG-13) 10:05; Tyler Perry’s Good Deeds (PG-13) 1:15, 4:15, 7:25, 10; Ghost Rider: Spirit of Vengeance (PG-13) 7:45; This Means War (PG-13) 12:45, 3:10, 5:25, 7:45, 10:05; Journey 2: The Mysterious Island (PG) 2:50, 5:30, 7:50; Safe House (R) 12:50, 3:50, 6:50, 9:40; The Vow (PG-13) 1:30, 4:30, 7:10, 9:45

Regal Exchange 20 March 9-10 John Carter (PG-13) 1:10, 1:30, 1:50, 4:10, 4:30, 4:50, 7:10, 7:30, 7:50, 10:10, 10:30, 10:50; Silent House (R) 12:05, 2:15, 4:35, 7:55, 10, 12:10; A Thousand Words (PG-13) 12:30, 1, 2:45, 3:15, 5, 5:30, 7:25, 8, 9:45, 10:15, 12:05; Dr. Seuss’ The Lorax (PG) 12:15, 12:45, 1:15, 1:45, 2:25, 2:55, 3:25, 4, 4:45, 5:05, 5:35, 7, 7:20, 7:45, 8:10, 9:10, 9:30, 9:55, 11:20, 11:40, 12:05; Project X (R) noon, 2:10, 3:10, 4:20, 5:20, 7:15, 8:15, 9:40, 10:25, 11:50, 12:30; Act of Valor (R) noon, 2:35, 5:05, 7:40, 10:20; Tyler Perry’s Good Deeds (PG-13) 12:10, 1:30, 2:40, 4, 5:15, 7:10, 7:50, 9:55, 10:20, 12:25; Wanderlust (R) 10:20; Ghost Rider: Spirit of Vengeance (PG-13) 12:20, 2:50, 5:25, 8, 10:25; This Means War (PG-13) 12:15, 2:40, 5:15, 7:35, 10:05, 12:30; Journey 2: The Mysterious Island (PG) 12:30, 2:50, 5:10, 7:30, 9:50, 12:10; Safe House (R) 2:45, 5:20, 7:55, 10:30; The Vow (PG-13) 2:30, 5, 7:40, 10:05, 12:30; The Artist (PG-13) 12:05

March 9-10 John Carter (PG-13) 1, 4; Silent

V. 23 | NO. 10

IN THE MIX

Nicki Maier Bartender, The Doubletree Hotel

Nicki Maier is still getting used to being 21. A student at ASU working on a major in psychology and a minor in business, she is also still getting used to living in Augusta. “I’m originally from Colorado. I moved here in the seventh grade and immediately started getting in trouble,” she said. “It was a huge culture shock… when the other kids were saying yes ma’am and no ma’am, I’d say ‘yep’ and ‘nope.’ We didn’t do the manners out there.” Since most of her family is still in Colorado and LA, she heads west once a year. Nicki is a part of a unique bartending crew at Doubletree Hotel. The three main bartenders, plus the two backups? All brunettes. The Fab Five! All I know about Colorado is “South Park.” Who is your favorite character? That show annoys me. Broncos or Falcons fan? The Broncos will forever and always be my favorite team, but my fiancé is a die-hard Falcons fan. So I’m having to adapt. Luckily we rarely play each other. What sort of food do you find there that you don’t here? Buffalo. And the Mexican restaurants serve shredded beef. Compare winters there and here It feels a lot colder here. Maybe it’s because Colorado is much closer to the sun? I don’t know… maybe I was used to it then, but the way it fluctuates here… I can’t get used to it. If it’s going to be cold at least it could snow. How many children would you like to have? Six or nine? Six or nine! No, not that many. More like two or three. Let’s say dogs are people. What breed would you likely hang with the most? Mutts. All my dogs have always been mutts. They’re smarter. What are you watching on TV right now? “The Voice.” When are you getting married? After I graduate. December. Where did you meet him? Taco Bell. Excuse me? Taco Bell. Well, not like that, we were set up… but yep, that’s where we met. The one in Evans by the movie theater. Well, you’ll always have that. V. 23 | NO. 10

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Thursday, March 8 Live Music Bell Auditorium - POPS! At the Bell: The Music of Michael Jackson French Market Grille West - Doc Easton Smooth Jazz Joe’s Underground - Will McCranie Metro - John Kolbeck O Lounge - Jazmine Soul Band Red Pepper Cafe - Funk/Fusion Jazz Rose Hill Stables - Preston, Weston and Sandra Sky City - The Clap, Orange Painter, Them Thangs Travinia’s - Smooth Jazz The Willcox - Classic Jazz Wild Wing - Matt Acosta

Cotton Patch - Steven Bryant Country Club - Gary Ray Coyote’s - Shane Owens Fox’s Lair - Roger Enevoldsen French Market Grille West - Doc Easton Joe’s Underground - Craig Waters and the Session Laura’s Backyard Tavern - TDC&R Malibu Jack’s - Tony Williams Blues Express PI Bar & Grill - Jazz Duo The Playground - Shotgun Opera, With Intent

Mi Rancho (Downtown) - Karaoke with Ryan Moseley Mi Rancho (Washington Road) - Karaoke with Jeff Barnes Mi Rancho (Clearwater) - Three J’s Karaoke Ms. Carolyn’s - Karaoke Palmetto Tavern - DJ Tim Rebeck’s Hideaway - Open Mic Roadrunner Cafe - Karaoke with Steve Chappel Tropicabana - Latin Friday Wheels - Live DJ

What’s Tonight? Casa Blanca - Thursday Tango Club Argos - Karaoke Cocktails Lounge - Karaoke Coyote’s - Karaoke Fishbowl Lounge - Karaoke Fox’s Lair - Soup, Suds & Conversations Helga’s Pub & Grille - Trivia The Highlander - Butt Naked Trivia The Library - DJ Kris Fisher The Loft - Karaoke Malibu Jack’s - Sports Trivia with Mike Thomas Mi Rancho (Downtown) - Karaoke Mi Rancho (Evans) - Karaoke The Playground - Open Mic with Brandy Shannon’s - Karaoke Somewhere in Augusta - Keno, Poker Soul Bar - Boom Box Villa Europa - Karaoke Wooden Barrel - ’80s Night Karaoke

Friday, March 9 Live Music

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2015 CENTRAL AVE. V. 23 | NO. 10

Band Wild Wing - High Maintenance

What’s Tonight? Club Argos - Variety Show Cocktails Lounge - Latin Night Crazy Turk’s - DJ Kris Fisher Fishbowl Lounge - Karaoke Fox’s Lair - Karaoke Helga’s Pub & Grille - Trivia Laura’s Backyard Tavern - Karaoke w/ David Doane The Loft - Karaoke Mi Rancho (Downtown) - Karaoke with Rockin Rob Mi Rancho (Clearwater) - Karaoke with Danny Haywood Mi Rancho (Washington Road) - Karaoke Ms. Carolyn’s - Karaoke One Hundred Laurens - DJ Kenny Ray Robbie’s - Saturday Night Dance Party Tropicabana - Salsa Saturday Wheels - Live DJ Wooden Barrel - Kamikaze Karaoke

Sunday, March 11 Live Music 5 O’Clock Bistro - Buzz and Candice 8th Street River Stage - Candlelight Jazz Preview w/ Young Lions, 3rd Shift Casa Blanca - Joel Cruz and His Young Lions Wild Wing - Brad Vroon The Willcox - Jazz Jam Session

What’s Tonight?

Sky City - Langhorne Slim and the Law, the Ramblin’ Fevers Somewhere in Augusta - Joe Stevenson Stillwater Taproom - Efren Surrey Tavern - Funk You Wild Wing - Roshambeaux

What’s Tonight? Club Argos - Variety Show Cocktails Lounge - Grown-Up Fridays with DJ Cork and Bull Pub - Karaoke Eagle’s Nest - Free Salsa Lessons; Latin Dance Party First Round - DJ Kris Fisher Fishbowl Lounge - Karaoke Iron Horse Bar & Grill - Karaoke

Wooden Barrel - Karaoke Contest

Saturday, March 10 Live Music The Acoustic Coffeehouse - Open Acoustic Jam Session with Eryn Eubanks and the Family Fold Bell Auditorium - Little Roy & Lizzy Cotton Patch - Jam Sandwich Country Club - Outshyne Coyote’s - Shane Owens Fox’s Lair - David Heath and John Goudy Joe’s Underground - Woody Wood Malibu Jack’s - South Atlantic P.I. Bar and Grill - Smooth Jazz Sky City - The Producers, the Wombats Somewhere in Augusta - Playback The

Caribbean Soul - Love Jones Sundays Malibu Jack’s - Karaoke with Mike Swift Mi Rancho (Downtown) - Karaoke Mi Rancho (Washington Road) - Karaoke, Salsa Dancing

Monday, March 12 What’s Tonight? Applebee’s (Evans) - Trivia Club Argos - Karaoke Malibu Jack’s - Trivia with Mike Thomas Mi Rancho (Downtown) - Trivia with Mike Thomas The Playground - Prospect Hill, Atom Smash Somewhere In Augusta - Free Poker Tournaments Wild Wing - Trivia

Tuesday, March 13 METRO SPIRIT 03.08.12 33

Live Music Cocktails Lounge - Live Music Fox’s Lair - John Fisher The Highlander - Open Mic Night Wild Wing - Sabo & Mike The Willcox - Piano Jazz

What’s Tonight? Club Argos - Karaoke Fishbowl Lounge - Dart League Laura’s Backyard Tavern - Karaoke w/ David Doane Malibu Jack’s - Karaoke with Denny Somewhere In Augusta - Big Prize Trivia & Hawk Talk

Wednesday, March 14 Live Music 209 on the River - Smooth Grooves Joe’s Underground - Kathleen Turner Overdrive Malibu Jack’s - Marilyn Adcock Manuel’s Bread Cafe - J. Edwards Wild Wing - Brandon Reeves

What’s Tonight? Club Argos - Santoni’s Satin Dolls Cocktails Lounge - Augusta’s Got Talent Cotton Patch - Trivia and Tunes Coyote’s - Drink N Drown w/ Snow Bunny Bikini Contest Hotel Aiken - Karaoke w/ Tom Mitchell Laura’s Backyard Tavern - Karaoke w/ David Doane The Loft - Karaoke Mi Rancho (Downtown) - Karaoke Mi Rancho (Washington Road) - Karaoke with Rockin’ Rob The Playground - Krazy Karaoke with Big Troy Polo Tavern - Karaoke w/ Tom Mitchell Somewhere In Augusta - Tony Boswell and Mikey Mason Surrey Tavern - Trivia

Upcoming Jucifer - Sky City March 15 Don Williams - Bell Auditorium March 16 Mother’s Finest, Funk You - Sky City March 16 Jah Harvest - The First Round March 16 Livingston Taylor - Imperial Theatre March 17

Ralphie May - Imperial Theatre March 18 6, Cameras Guns & Radios - Sky City March 22 Steve Harvey - James Brown Arena March 24 Mazes & Monsters, Death of Paris - Sky City March 29 Mandisa, Nicole Britt, Laura Story - USCAiken Convocation Center March 30 Mannray, Brothers, Yo Soybean - Sky City March 30 Gaslight Street - Sky City March 31 Rock Fore! Dough - First Tee of Augusta April 3 Fred Williams Jazz - Augusta Moonlight Music Cruise - April 6 Granny’s Gin - The First Round April 6 Yacht Rock Schooner - Sky City April 7 The Mass Chaos Tour w/ Godsmack and Staind - James Brown Arena April 13 Lady Antebellum - James Brown Arena May 22-23

Elsewhere Amy Ray - Variety Playhouse, Atlanta March 10 Jane’s Addiction - Tabernacle, Atlanta March 13 Lyle Lovett, John Hiatt - Atlanta Symphony Hall March 14 Colin Hay - Melting Point, Athens March 15-16 Young The Giant - Center Stage, Atlanta March 15 Childish Gambino - Tabernacle, Atlanta March 16 Bruce Springsteen and the E Steet Band - Philips Arena, Atlanta March 18 Mutemath - Tabernacle, Atlanta March 18 Thomas Dolby - The Loft, Atlanta March 20 English Beat - Variety Playhouse, Atlanta March 23 Moody Blues - Fox Theatre, Atlanta March 24 Meshell Ndegeocello - Melting Point, Athens March 29 Snow Patrol, Ed Sheeran - Tabernacle, Atlanta April 2 Chaka Khan - Cobb Energy Performing Arts Centre, Atlanta April 4 Drive-By Truckers - Tabernacle, Atlanta April 21

PISCES (Feb. 19-March 20)

A student once asked Zen Master Shunryu Suzuki, “How much ego do you need?” His austere reply was “Just enough so that you don’t step in front of a bus.” While I sympathize with humility, I wouldn’t go quite that far. A slightly heftier ego, if offered up as a work of art, can be a gift to the world. What do you think? This is an excellent time to ruminate on such matters.

ARIES (March 21-April 19)

“Controlled hysteria is what is required,” said playwright Arthur Miller in speaking about his creative process. “To exist constantly in a state of controlled hysteria. It’s agony. But everyone has agony. The difference is that I try to take my agony home and teach it to sing.” It’s an excellent time for you to harness your hysteria and instruct your agony in the fine art of singing. To boost your chances of success, use every means at your disposal to have fun and stay amused.

TAURUS (April 20-May 20)

The Cherokee Heritage website wants people to know that not all Native American tribes have the same traditions. In the Cherokee belief system, it’s Grandmother Sun and Grandfather Moon, which is the opposite of most tribes. There are no Cherokee shamans, only medicine men and women and adawehis, or religious leaders. Do a similar clarification for the group you’re part of and the traditions you hold dear. Identify your tribe’s unique truths and ways and declare them.

GEMINI (May 21-June 20)

made this statement, which is highly unlikely, but the thought has some merit. This is an excellent time to learn more about and become closer to the people you care for, and nothing would help you accomplish that better than getting together for intensive interludes of fooling, messing and horsing around.

LIBRA (Sept. 23-Oct. 22)

“When we are no longer able to change a situation, we are challenged to change ourselves,” said Holocaust survivor Viktor Frankl. Have you struggled, mostly fruitlessly, to change a stagnant situation that has resisted your best efforts? Is there a locked door you’ve been banging on, to no avail? Redirect your attention. Reclaim the energy you have been expending on closed-down people and moldering systems. Work on the unfinished beauty of what lies closest at hand: yourself.

SCORPIO (Oct. 23-Nov. 21)

In this passage from “Still Life with Woodpecker,” Tom Robbins provides this hot tip: “There are essential and inessential insanities. Inessential insanities are a brittle amalgamation of ambition, aggression and pre-adolescent anxiety — garbage that should have been dumped long ago. Essential insanities are those impulses one instinctively senses are virtuous and correct, even though peers may regard them as coo-coo.” Be crazily wise and wisely crazy in the coming weeks. It will be healthy for you. Honor the wild ideas that bring you joy and the odd desires that remind you of your core truths.

In the coming weeks, the activity going on inside your mind and heart will be especially intense and influential — even if you don’t explicitly express it. When you speak your thoughts and feelings out loud, they will have unusual power to change people’s minds and rearrange their moods. When you keep your thoughts and feelings to yourself, they will still leak all over everything, bending and shaping the energy field around you. Take extra care as you manage what’s going on within you.

SAGITTARIUS (Nov. 22-Dec. 21)

CANCER (June 21-July 22)

CAPRICORN (Dec. 22-Jan. 19)

Artist Richard Kehl tells the story of a teenage girl who got the chance to ask psychologist Carl Jung, “Professor, you are so clever. Could you please tell me the shortest path to my life’s goal?” Jung replied, “The detour!” Have you been churning out overcomplicated thoughts about your mission? Are you at risk of getting a bit too grandiose in your plans? Maybe you should at least dream about taking a shortcut that looks like a detour.

LEO (July 23-Aug. 22)

An old Chinese proverb says: “My barn having burned to the ground, I can see the moon.” I don’t foresee any of your barns going down in flames, so you won’t have to make a similar redefinition under duress. You have certainly experienced events like that in the past, and now would be an excellent time to revise your thinking about their meaning. Are you brave enough and ingenious enough to reinterpret your history?

VIRGO (Aug. 23-Sept. 22)

I don’t think you will need literal medicine this week. Your physical vigor should be good. But seek out some spirit medicine. Where do you find it? The search itself will provide the initial dose. Expose yourself to stirring art and music and films; have conversations with empathic friends and the spirits of dead loved ones; spend time in the presence of a natural wonder; and imagine who you want to be three years from now. Each of us is the star of our own movie. There are a few other lead and supporting actors who round out the cast, but everyone else in the world is an extra. Now and then, though, people whom we regard as minor characters suddenly rise to prominence and play a pivotal role in our unfolding drama. Please be willing to depart from the script. Open yourself to the possibility of improvisation. People who have been playing bit parts may have more to contribute than you imagine.

AQUARIUS (Jan. 20-Feb. 18)

The “cocktail party effect” refers to your ability to hear your name being spoken while in the midst of a social gathering’s cacophony. This is an example of an important practice, which is how to discern truly meaningful signals embedded in the noise of all the irrelevant information that surrounds you. As you navigate your way through the clutter of symbols and the overload of data, be alert for the few key messages that are highly useful.

“You can discover more about a person in an hour of play than in a year of conversation.” Numerous websites allege that Greek philosopher Plato

ROBBREZSNY FREEWILLASTROLOGY@FREEWILLASTROLOGY.COM

34 METRO SPIRIT 03.08.12

V. 23 | NO. 10

ORIGINAL MUSIC

Austin Rhodes

Goodbye Davy The Monkees’ legacy lives on despite Jones’ recent death April 13, 1969, was the first time The Monkees made me cry. Four-year-old Austin sat bleary eyed while his 14-year-old Aunt Kay piled out of our ’66 Pontiac LeMans to see the Monkees play Bell Auditorium. I watched her walk toward the doors, and I wailed. They said I was too young to go. While there was no way to undo that grave injustice, I did see to it that at age five, my daughter Christine enjoyed her first concert, the Monkees Reunion Tour of 1996. My two-year-old son Beau saw them at Chastain Park last June, his very first concert. Just like his big sister, he knew all the words. Forty-two years 10 months and six days after my first Monkees-inspired misty moment came the second, with word of the death of Davy Jones. There is no way to describe how their music and TV show affected me, except to say my lifelong love of music, communication and, yes, performance, was sparked by The Monkees. My Facebook post, minutes after the news says it all: “Genuine tears... Davy Jones... RIP” And look at this, folks. I was not alone. Joe Stevenson, musician/concert promoter: “The greatness I saw in the Monkees was how their musical genius rose above the commercialism. Perfect chemistry for sure, but their songs really did stand the test of time. Truly a sad day for music. I saw where someone posted that Davy’s passing was a dry run for the day Paul McCartney moves on.” Roger Enevoldsen, musician: “What many people don’t realize is many of the Monkees songs were written by the Monkees themselves... and they all wrote good songs. It always irritates me when I read about or hear someone say that the Monkees weren’t a ‘real’ group. Sure, they weren’t created to be one, but they became one, and there is no denying that. The four individuals in the band put their own stamp on all their material, one way or the other, whether it was vocally, lyrically, musically or instrumentally. When they realized they weren’t meant to create their own music, they fought hard for it, and they got it. They’ve entertained many people over the years, and influenced many singers and musicians as well. I learned a lot from the Monkees myself, whether it has to do with my singing, my guitar/bass playing, my songwriting and even my humor.” Kelly Jarrell, vocalist: “One day in 1996 I was visiting a friend who managed CenterStaging in Burbank. It was where we rehearsed when I was with James Brown, so it wasn’t uncommon to see bands that were rehearsing upcoming tours. I was sitting on a sofa outside a studio when Davy Jones and Peter Tork stepped out for a break. Davy Jones looked at me and said, ‘Hi!’ I became six years old again and all I could do was smile. I think for those of us who were born in the early ’60’s The Monkees were our Beatles or Rolling Stones. As Al Roker said, ‘A little bit of my

V. 23 | NO. 10

youth just died.’” CoCo Rubio, musician/concert promoter/club owner: “I was born in 1967, so some of my earliest musical memories revolve around some of The Monkees’ classic singles like ‘Daydream Believer,’ ‘Last Train to Clarksville,’ ‘I’m Not Your Stepping Stone,’ ‘I’m a Believer’ and the theme song from their TV show, which I loved. More importantly though, The Monkees also prepped me for The Beatles and my love for the perfect pop/rock song.” Deanna Brown Thomas, vocalist/daughter of The Godfather of Soul: “The phenomenon was in the music. I remember coming home after school and couldn’t wait to watch The Monkees on TV. The music was fun, energetic and the whole family could enjoy it together. Something we are missing in a lot of today’s music. I am glad to have been raised up exposed to all kinds of genres. For this, I can appreciate the music that Mr. Jones and The Monkees produced for the world to enjoy! May he Rest in Peace.” Steven Uhles, music/pop-culture columnist: “The Monkees took a lot of heat for being a manufactured act. While that is true, to some extent, it says something that the band was able to transcend that. When the band did free itself creatively, the results were the product of an act with significant taste and a real vision of what it was and could be moving forward. Look, it’s easy to dismiss the pure pop that the Monkees are known for. But here’s a secret: Writing, and playing, songs like that is hard. It takes skill and talent. A song like ‘Pleasant Valley Sunday’ isn’t something disposable. It’s pure poetry with a hard hook. You can’t ask for more than that.” Ed Turner, musician/music columnist: “The Monkees gave career-changing exposure to previously underrated or relatively unknown songwriters. Neil Diamond, Tommy Boyce, Bobby Hart and Harry Nilsson are just four of them. It’s the same thing that Three Dog Night did for years! The Monkees captured the ‘A Hard Day’s Night’ vibe very well and, yes, their scripts were much better too.” Tim Johnson, filmmaker: “When I was three, my mom bought my siblings and I the first Monkees album. You can hear us singing along to the theme song on reelto-reel tapes that my mom sent to my dad while he was serving in Vietnam. Twenty years later I saw one of their first reunion tours and loved every minute of it. I’ve bought their reissued albums, greatest hits compilations, T-shirts… they’ve been there with me my whole life. I sing their songs in the shower and the car. I cried when Davy died. Thanks Monkees for keeping the boy in me alive.” Amen. Heaven’s all star band just picked up a tambourine player, arriving no doubt “...’neath the wings, of the bluebird as she sings...”

METRO SPIRIT 03.08.12 35

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PLAT TERS CHOO SE 3 D IF F E R IT E M S FOR $1 ENT 2 .9 9

★

★ 221 Differ ent Comb os. One Lo w Pric e!

PLAY HOOKY!

Come in for lunch. Stay for the games. Thursday 3/15 & Friday 3/16

3035 Washington Rd. • 706-364-WILD (9453) www.wildwingcafe.com 36 METRO SPIRIT 03.08.12

Sometimes I have to remember that you don’t have to technically see a live band to enjoy live music. A First Friday in downtown Augusta led to the normal bar hopping with a stop at Metro Coffee House to see Kris Fisher, of HD 98.3 fame. Kris is an awesome DJ, available for children’s parties, ribbon cuttings, and Sunday School brunches. You’ll have to check with him on those facts; I was drunk when he was explaining what he does. After a quick stop in Stillwater, we stopped in at the Soy Noodle House for a nice bowl of Eskimojitos. I always wonder why more people do not come out for First Friday. The downtown streets come alive and it makes you very proud to be a part of it. Come on Columbia County, we’re not that scary. It was also good to see Willy Mac back in town; good ole Will McCranie. Will’s new band is currently in the midst of a big tour. It’s great to see success coming out of our city. And now let’s get into some depressing news. Monkees lead singer Davy Jones passed away this week from a heart attack. Jones was 66. I knew the Monkees best thanks to Nickelodeon. The Monkees kicked off their career in 1965, and the Beatlesque TV band was a huge success. Davy Jones will be missed. Too serious for you? Okay. Back to normal. In horrible Hollywood news, a Canadian-based animation studio is trying to sell a new animated series called “The F’n Osbournes.” Why God? As you have already guessed, the show will be based on Ozzy Osbourne and his family, and all the wacky things they do. Didn’t we already see this? The show would be produced by Sharon and Jack Osbourne, which seems like a great idea. Leave it to Canada. I’m not a big fan of Broadway, and by that, I mean I hate musicals. But a couple might change my mind. The first, South Park creators Matt Stone (in no relation) and Trey Parker’s “The Book of Mormon” and, now, a Tupac musical! “Hollar if Ya Hear Me” is the glorious title. The producers are currently holding open calls, looking for “African American Male and Female rappers.” Damn, I was this close. Happy birthday shout out this week goes to a duo that changed music history. Their influences can be heard across all music. Of course, I’m referring to Charlie and Craig Reid. Some of you might call them The Proclaimers. We’ve all been waiting on this one since “Bridesmaids”… a new Wilson Phillips album! Yes! Okay, it’s just them doing cover songs of the Beach Boys and the Mamas and the Papas. Wilson Phillips is comprised on three girls, all children of the bands (too long for me to explain here; use the Google Machine). I know what you’re thinking, Carnie must be related to Cass, but no, they are of no relation. Download of the week has to be the new single from Young the Giant: “Apartment.” Matt Stone approved. You can tell that the weather is warming up because the concert calendar in filling up. A big happy birthday goes out to Playground owner Scott Levine. Scott’s birthday bash will be this Friday with music from Shotgun Opera and With Intent. Great line up at Sky City this weekend with the return of The Producers on Saturday night. Specials guests, The Wombats are also on the bill. And don’t miss Turf War at the Soul Bar on Saturday night as well. Next weekend is St. Paddy’s day. Where’s the best place to go? Who’s playing? Where can I get a lot of green beer? Email me at matt@themetrospirit.com.

MATTSTONE can be heard weekdays from 2-6 p.m. on 95 Rock. V. 23 | NO. 10

Michael Johnson

mejphoto.photoreflect.com

Justin and Katie Long with Randi Moss and Remer Brinson at The Country Club.

SIGHTINGS

Michelle Paquette, country music artist Josh Thompson and Morgan Fordham at The County Club.

Katie Rhoden, Savannah Owens and Taylor Gray at Surrey Tavern.

SIGHTINGS

Bill Force, Carroll Kelly, Joe Neal Sr. and Susan Johnston at First Thursday at Midtown Market.

Gwen Fulcher Young, author Bob Young and Miss Southeast Georgia Teen Sydney Hillman at his book signing of “The Treasure Train” at First Thursday at Midtown Market.

SIGHTINGS

Casey and Katie Comeaux with Amanda Hemann at Jones Creek Golf Club.

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Cristie Brawner, singer/songwriter Patrick Davis and Susie Palgut at Jones Creek Golf Club.

Kyle Judge and Madison Muller with Katie and Waylon Lehrman at The Library.

Michael Johnson

mejphoto.photoreflect.com

Janet McKnight, Josh Thompson and Andrea Bussey following Thompson’s surprise performance at the Jud C. Hickey Center.

METRO SPIRIT 03.08.12 37

VALERIEEMERICK

CUISINE SCENE

From Flyers to the Louvre And now, artist Derek Hess comes to Augusta Cleveland-based artist Derek Hess has a career that spans two decades. In that time, he’s gone from drawing flyers for the Euclid Tavern, the bar where he used to book bands, to having a portfolio of posters on display in the Louvre and other works of his can be seen in the Rock ‘n’ Roll Hall of Fame (in mentioning the latter honor, Hess made sure to point out “Oh yeah! They’re right by the restrooms,” revealing his irreverent, but down-to-earth sense of humor). He’s designed posters for bands such as the Jesus Lizard, Rancid, Pantera, Thursday, Pink Floyd and Pearl Jam, and has also created CD covers for Motion City Soundtrack and Unearth. Additionally, Hess has been featured in Spin and the Dutch art magazine Affiche, as well as MTV, Fuse, VH1, Alternative Press and Juxtapose. Hess has definitely come a long way since the days of drawing band flyers, but his work still remains edgy, relevant and conveys the artist’s dark

sense of humor. He gets his inspiration from a variety of sources — music, politics, “Depends on the work,” he says. “I get a lot of inspiration from bad relationships.” Laughing, he tells a story about a time when he was going through a particularly bad creative dry spell. His business manager, Marty Geramita, jokingly suggested that he was going to go hire a girl to break Hess’s heart to get the art back on track. Wherever the inspiration comes from, Hess’s drawings have a style and feel to them that is unique and draws a wide fan base. As he progressed as an artist, Hess decided to scale back on drawing concert posters. “The more concert posters I did, I developed a formula — it was becoming something I could churn out mindlessly,” he explains. “I don’t want to stagnate, so I chose to stop and do fine art.” Because of the decision to give up poster art, Hess’ manager suggested embarking on another venture that would keep the artwork in a form that would stay affordable and accessible to fans who may not have the means to buy the fine art pieces. That was the birth of Strhess Clothing. Not only does Hess have an international presence through his artwork, but he now has a line of clothing available. With so many projects and works under his belt, it’s no surprise that Hess also has had two books published that feature his art and there are several more underway. In fact, he’s hoping to get another three out before the end of the year. His first book, “Please God Save Us,” was a collaborative effort with author and Cleveland politician Kent Smith. Released in 2008, just in time for the presidential elections, the book features political art and commentary and covers a wide range of topics including the Republican Party, the Christian right, America’s foreign policy, the environment, the Iraq War, stem cell research, evolution, rock ‘n’ roll, the Fox News channel, SpongeBob and Santa Claus. Hess is currently on tour to promote his new book, “Black Line White Lie,” and will be signing copies at OddFellows Art Gallery in downtown Augusta on March 15. The book, just released in late November of 2011, is a collection of over 275 black and white images, and features a chapter of tattoos that people have done of his works. Those attending the event will be able to meet the artist, as well as Jose, Hess’s loyal dog. According Hess, Jose has the sole responsibility of approving the books and the website. Derek Hess Book Signing OddFellows Art Gallery Thursday, March 15 6-9 p.m. 706-513-0916 oddfellowsart.com

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SPONSOR THE

Metro Spirit’s Pet Page! lauren@themetrospirit.com

Bunnies Make Great Pets by LeAnne Marlette

Easter, on April 8, will soon be upon us. When many people think of Easter thoughts turn to the Easter Bunny. Well, Easter is not about bunnies and bunnies are not like the Peeps that are quickly eaten and soon forgotten. All too often well-meaning folks pick out a cute little bunny for Easter, only to realize they are a 7-10-year commitment. As with any child’s “toy,” the newness soon wears off and the daily responsibility takes its toll on the ill-prepared. Many of these rabbits are either neglected or turned loose in the yard to fend for themselves. At For the Love of Bunnies Rescue, we receive calls weekly about rabbits in local shelters, found abandoned in neighborhoods or dropped off at local storefronts. (For the Love of Bunnies is affiliated with CSRA Happy Tails Rescue.) We have rabbits that have been mistreated and are traumatized. Some have been attacked and harmed by other animals. We also have rabbits that are older and at the end of their life span. However, no matter the condition we do everything we can to rehabilitate them and determine if they are adoptable. Rabbits that are not adoptable are placed in our rabbit sanctuary to safely live out the rest of their lives. As you can imagine, this can be costly to provide housing, food and medical care for the large number of rabbits we take in. We are currently in need of Petco and Tractor Supply Gift Cards, exercise pens, timothy hay, soft wood shavings, litter boxes (small or large) and new or gently used cages and hutches. Donations can be dropped off any time at the Petco store in Evans or on Saturdays and Sundays at Tractor Supply on Bobby Jones Expressway during CSRA Happy Tails Adoption Days. The rabbits that are adoptable are placed at the Petco store in Evans. While there are numerous breeders where one can acquire a high-end or specialty rabbit, there are many sweet rabbits that are already in need of a good loving home. Rabbits make great companions and loyal pets. They have very friendly and outgoing personalities and love when you get down on the floor and play with them. They are easily trained to use litter boxes and get along great with other non-aggressive pets. Spay and neutering is a must with rabbits but, other than that, vet care for rabbits is minimal. They typically do not require annual vaccinations or other medication. The best care for a healthy rabbit is a proper diet and a lot of love. Rabbits make wonderful pets. All of us at For the Love of Bunnies encourage you to look into adopting a rabbit. However, before you adopt we want you to be well informed about the all

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the aspects of rabbits and their care. We will have an adoption event Saturday and Sunday, March 10-11 from 10 a.m. to 2 p.m. at Petco in Evans. Be sure to stop by and meet us! Until then, if you would like more information on our available rabbits, or more information to decide if adoption is right for you, stop by Petco in Evans or email us at fortheloveofbunnies@comcast.net.

Upcoming Benefits

Paws in the Park A CSRA Humane Society fundraiser that takes place at 425 Wood Street and at the north entrance of Lake Olmstead Park. Saturday, March 24, 9:30 a.m. For more information, visit csrahumanesociety.org Block Party 2012 Sponsored by Vic’s Motorcycle Sales and Service, this benefit for Feathered Friends Forever Bird Sanctuary in Harlem costs $10 to enter and is held at 2113 Harding Road off of Peach Orchard Road. Saturday, March 31, 10 a.m. For more information, call 706-691-5093 or 803-640-4329, or visit featheredfriendsforever.org

Village Deli and Friends Annual Charity Golf Tournament A fundraising event for That’s What Friends Are For, Inc., a 501c3 that raises money for local rescues, spay and neuter, and much more. Sunday, May 20, 1:30 p.m. tee time Goshen Plantation Golf Club To register, donate or get more information, call Village Deli at 706-736-3691 or visit thatswhatfriendsarefor.org Feed the Love Food Drive Through March 27, Bi-Lo shoppers can purchase a $5 bag, filled with pet food, that will be donated to Golden Harvest Food Bank to give to needy families with pets. For more information, visit bi-lo.com

Ongoing Adoption Events PETCO 4209 Washington Road, Evans Saturdays, 11 a.m.-4 p.m., Sundays, 1-4 p.m. PetSmart 225 Robert C. Daniel Parkway, Augusta Saturdays, 10 a.m.-4 p.m. Tractor Supply 596 Bobby Jones Expressway, next to Sam’s Club Saturdays and Sundays from 1-4 p.m. AARF volunteers@aarf.net Augusta Humane Society 706-736-0186 Augusta-Richmond Co. Animal Services 706-790-6836

csrshumanesociety.org Feathered Friends Forever 706-556-2424 featheredfriendsforever.org Girard Life Saver 706-871-8273, 478-569-9209 samantha@girard-lifesaver.org Graced Kennels 706-738-7168

706-854-8646 bmeismer@comcast.net Old Fella Burke County pope.jodi@gmail.com oldfella.org STARS 706-592-4158 starsrescue.org Washington-Wilkes Humane 706-678-2287

Boston Terrier Rescue of South Carolina 706-726-2221 or 803-279-8069 bostonrescueofsc.org

Happy Tails 706-955-0438, 706-836-2708 csrahappytails@gmail.com

Fundraising Organizations for Local Rescue and Spay/Neuter Efforts

Columbia Co. Animal Services 706-541-4077

Heartsong 706-855-1241 heartsongent@hotmail.com

PawPrints Foundation 706-863-2067 pawprintsfoundation.org

Helping Hands Humane Society 706-456-3339 wytwch@yahoo.com

That’s What Friends Are For, Inc. c/o The Village Deli 706-736-3691 thatswhatfriendsarefor.org

CSRA Chihuahua Rescue 706-825-8090, 706-763-8071 csrachihuahuarescue@gmail.com CSRA Humane Society 706-261-7387

Long Dog Rescue

METRO SPIRIT 03.08.12 39

ON THE BALL

Here Comes Hell, Boys A quick note which comes on the doorstep of the NFL’s actual blockbuster off-season story This week we’ve hashed out every detail there is about the NFL’s “Bounty” rule. We’ve also heard from players — some current, but mainly former — and coaches about what exactly terms of a bounty entail. It’s been entertaining hearing these voices dance around the topic of if their locker rooms employed such egregious tactics in exchange for “success” on the gridiron. By and large, I find their varied accounts of what exactly went down to be rather funny. They all seem more concerned with trying to project their experiences with a “college kids playing a friendly game of poker” vibe. Not so much. While teams pooling money together as benign incentives for the fruits of their labor seem innocent enough, it just proves how clueless they are as to how the business side of the league works. You know, the whole reason the league exists anyway? Life is a sliding scale. We are all capable, yet limited in the same fashion. What these genetically blessed athletes sometimes forget is that while placing a friendly wager in the name of making things interesting amongst teammates seems innocent enough, it could also lead to a landslide victory against their employer in a court of law. This is especially true for the kind of circus Gregg Williams put on as defensive coordinator for the New Orleans Saints. The NFL has already been put on notice by way of more than 50 former NFL players who have filed lawsuits against the league for their alleged neglect in care with regards to head injuries and concussions during their playing days. Now envision yourself as council for the plaintiff. Here is the Matlock/Ally McBeal moment we’ve waited for all of our lives, and we don’t even have to prepare for the court date. That’s because it’s a gimmie case, and that’s what the NFL is worried about. Much like your employer and the working conditions that are provided to you, if they become compromised, litigation will soon follow. Katy, bar the door! Add the outlandish head-hunting aspect to the monetary facet of the bounty quagmire orchestrated by Williams and you got yourself quite a mess. The NFL’s collective bargaining agreement, which includes the constitution and by-laws of the league, states pretty clearly what is allowed, and more importantly what’s not allowed as it applies to outside compensation for something such as, say, a bounty scandal: “No bonuses or awards may be offered or paid for

BUY GET

ONE, ONE

on-field misconduct (for example, personal fouls to, or injuries inflicted on, opposing players).” Expectations for punishment are expected to be heavy handed from NFL Commissioner Roger Goodell. Since there is no precedent for something like this, many expect Goodell to make the point very clear with an arsenal of fines, seizing of draft picks, suspensions of coaches/players, and whatever else he can come up with to deter anyone from attempting something like this again in the future. Although everything is not doom and gloom for the entire league, especially if you are a Falcons or Panthers fan. With the NFC South champs looking to be on the ropes after a situation like this, and with the Saints dealing with possible significant turnover at the wide receiver position, much is still in the air for the team that calls New Orleans home. Also in flux is the mood of Drew Brees, whom became “livid” after finding out management tried to attach the franchise tag to him instead of working out a multi-year deal. Rest easy, Saints fans; both sides still have plenty of time to get a deal worked out before the deadline on July 15. But troubling times for the fleur-de-lis could part the waters just enough for Matt Ryan or Cam Newton to take over and solidify their teams as the ones to beat within the division. Anybody wanna put some money on it?

MATTLANE is host of The Weekend Rundown which airs from 10 a.m.-noon Saturdays on News-Talk-Sports 1630 AM. He can be reached at mattlane28@gmail.com or follow him on Twitter @Mattlane28.

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METRO SPIRIT 03.08.12 41

WHINE

LINE

Congrats to the Richmond County Sheriff’s office for single-handedly creating their own crime wave with Operation Smoke Screen! If you give punks an easy way to make money, what do you think is going to happen? Come on THE AUGUSTA BUS RIDERS ASSOCIATION represents the people who ride the Augusta city buses and those who want to ride the city buses. THE BUSES NEED TO START running earlier and later because so many people work at the malls, restaurants, hospitals, and other businesses and they cannot get to work on time and home at night. CITY BUSES need to start running at 5:00 AM and stop running at 12 midnight. WE ALSO NEED the buses to run on Sundays, to Ft. Gordon, out to South Augusta (Tobaccco Road and Windsor Spring Road) and out to Columbia County. As for russ limbaugh, I guess weight surgery does not work for everyone! Hey, Kudos to the downtown public library for the great literary festival they put on. That was awesome to have so many of the writers there in one place like that, with a number of them really published. Like Louise Shivers and Don Rhodes who work right here in town. And our former mayor and broadcaster was there with a new book. I look forward to next year then. Bad Rush Limbaugh. I know Austin must be beside himself at the loss of advertisers for ole Rush but he deserved it. Don’t you just love those cashiers that act like they’re doing you a favor? Why are dead, drug addict superstars forgiven, by the public, for their drug abuse, but my dead drug addict friend was just trash in their eyes? A beer festival in Evans? Where are the grown ups? Home invaders take notice: If you decide to commit your crimes in Columbia county, you will be shot dead. Kicking in doors and terrorizing families will get you home invading, murdering, thieves killed over here. We believe in the Second Amendment and exercise that right with a passion. Rush Limbaugh IS A VERY, VERY sad sub-human. His comment last week to that young lady made me so angry and I hope it made all women angry. It goes to show he has no respect for any woman. I do not ever listen to him and hope he loses his show as well as receive a fine from the FCC. Today’s politically correct world uses the word ladies to describe even the lowest form of female. My dad thumped my ear for calling a woman that

42 METRO SPIRIT 03.08.12

WHINELINE@THEMETROSPIRIT.COM

Have something you want to get off your chest? Send your whines to whineline@themetrospirit. com. If you do so by noon on Friday, you might just see it in the next Thursday’s issue. Oh, and whines may be edited for content but will pretty much be printed exactly as you type them.

Who knew there were so many ways to “go green” that don’t involve living in a yurt or a Buckminster Fuller geodesic dome home? Not that there’s anything wrong with that, but for anyone who may interested in sustainable living practices and smart home designs that are both stylish and eco-friendly, Jetson Green (jetsongreen.com) is an incredible resource. Jetson Green is “a design-oriented site for sustainable homes, natural materials and green technology.” Its mission is to enhance homes, and the lives of people in them, with ecological innovation. Topics that are covered daily on the website include prefab homes, single-family homes, LEED Platinum projects, passive houses, tiny houses, shipping container design, solar technology, wind technology, energy efficiency, water efficiency and green materials. The site has a little something for everyone — whether an owner, renter, designer, builder, entrepreneur or developer. In the archives, there are case studies, product profiles, book reviews, news updates and opinion articles. In addition to the website, you can subscribe to RSS feeds and/or weekly emails. To stay current on the newest, freshest and most unique topics, Jetson Green can also be followed on Twitter, Facebook and YouTube.

WERECOMMEND was smoking a cigarette a lady when I was six years old and then he gave me these simple definitions. Gals are the farm animals and pets like cows, mules, horse, dogs, cat and such. Girls are young female humans. Women are adult female humans. Ladies you will always know by their manners, actions, conduct, vocabulary and no one will need to point them out to you. They will stand out alone or in a crowd. I’m 67 now and his definitions are still good today. to the person who complained about the welfare/ pants whine, if that offended you, you must be one of those people. Put your pants on. If you want to defend the need to receive Government assistance, at least check your grammar before submitting your opinion. Cause you sounding so ignorant. Again some of the comments that Austin Rhodes said in another one of his articles “local GOP power grab indefensible” is not always true or not true. Although some democrats has been in trouble with the law or had some other problems in the past. There has been some republicans that has been in trouble with the law or had some other problems in the past also. Here are the names of some republicans as an example, that Austin didn’t mention in this article that he wrote at this time: Tom Delay, Larry Craig, Ben Harbin. Even current Georgia governor Nathan Deal has had some problems before he got elected. I also didn’t vote for him as governor of Georgia. So, I’ve been ordering beef burritos from Taco Bell since grade school. I’d say 95 percent of the time I have to correct them when they repeat “bean”. Then they hand me bean burritos. Can’t you dumbasses figure out a clear way of distinguishing between two menu items in twenty five years? Why would anyone speak rudely and negatively about a business [name retracted] and it’s staff who, for three solid years, has been nothing but supportive of not only increasing business in Downtown Augusta, but has also donated its products and time to many various causes championed by many in the area? [Name retracted] would welcome New Moon whole-

heartedly and with open arms. I’m certain that [name retracted] would invite all, including said rude and negative Whine Line writer, to support ALL Downtown businesses, including [name retracted]. to the person who retorted about my welfare/disability whine. you missed the point. there is absolutley no excuse why someone cant put on a freaking pair of pants, especially when you dont work during the day. and in regards to your ill researched and unsupported dribble about not having universal health care for birth control childcare and politicians, that still does not give you an excuse to not put on a pair of pants when you are in public. Man! I had to wait until I reached the Age of 21 to Vote! I’ve yet to be Satisfied with my choices in a Presidential Election! This Two-Party System Sucks! They’ve got the Money! So! It’s Guaranteed that Either Party’s Candidate Wins! Oh Well! I guess it’ll be “Vote for the Lesser of the Two Evils”....AGAIN!!! Inasmuch as the RCBOE and CCBOE find themselves unable to extinguish serious misbehaviors of miscreant regular and special-needs students, these two elected, constitutional bodies might consider retaining for their use an attorney with the wit and moxey required to provide them the legal cover to do their legal duty to provide Richmond and Columbia county kids first-rate public educational opportunities. Not all people forgive because their have been some other people in there lives that have not forgiving them. They learned this behavior and expressing those same behaviors to whoever did them wrong. Don’t take it personally, it’s just a part of who some of these people are. Some so called Christians is not true to the religion that they believe in. Some only support or do parts of the type of religion they are into or because they like only that part of that religion. Some of them is badly misrepresent true Christianity according to the real God. This is going to be a crazy election. District one? Literally a crazy election.

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