Metro Spirit 03.11.2004

METRO SPIRIT Mar. 11-17 Vol. 15 No. 32

Augusta’s Independent Voice

Talkin’ Trash

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METRO SPIRIT ON THE COVER 14 Talkin’ Trash

By Brian Neill Cover Design: Erin Lummen

Contents

MARCH 11-17 • FREE WEEKLY • METROSPIRIT.COM

FEATURES 16 The Return of Jasper Johns By Stacey Eidson OPINION 6 Whine Line 6 This Modern World 6 Words 8 Thumbs Up/Down 10 Insider

CINEMA 31 Flix 33 Jim Caviezel not the First “Celluloid” Jesus 34 Review: Secret Window 34 Reel Time

METRO BEAT 12 Should HRC Deal With City Employees’ Complaints?

BITE 20 The Motor City (Wrap) Comes to Augusta at Skyline Café 21 In the Mix ARTS 22 The Ariel Winds and Manuel Barrueco Come to Augusta 23 Comedy in Abbeville, Tragedy in Augusta 24 Dora the Explorer Live! Comes to Bell 25 Get Your Paddy On: It’s St. Patrick’s Day EVENTS 26 Calendar

MUSIC 35 Bluegrass Pioneer Comes to the Imperial 36 No Vow of Silence for DJ Monk 37 Sightings 38 CD Reviews 39 Music by Turner 39 Music Minis 40 After Dark STUFF 42 News of the Weird 43 Brezsny’s Free Will Astrology 43 New York Times Crossword Puzzle 44 Amy Alkon: Advice Goddess 45 Datemaker 47 Classifieds

EDITOR & PUBLISHER David Vantrease ARTS & ENTERTAINMENT EDITOR Rhonda Jones STAFF WRITERS Stacey Eidson, Brian Neill ADVERTISING SALES MANAGER Joe White

GRAPHIC ARTISTS Natalie Holle, Erin Lummen, Shawn Sutherland

PRODUCTION MANAGER Joe Smith

ACCOUNTING MANANGER/CLASSIFIEDS Sharon King

ARTS & ENTERTAINMENT ASSISTANT Lisa Jordan ARTS & ENTERTAINMENT INTERN Andy Stokes

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SENIOR MUSIC CONTRIBUTOR Ed Turner CONTRIBUTING WRITERS Amy Alkon, Rob Brezsny, Rachel Deahl, David Elliott, Amy Fennell Christian CARTOONISTS Tom Tomorrow

Metro Spirit is a free newspaper published weekly on Thursday, 52 weeks of the year. Editorial coverage includes arts, local issues, news, entertainment, people, places and events. In our paper appear views from across the political and social spectrum.

The views do not necessarily represent the views of the publishers. Visit us at www.metrospirit.com. Copyright © Metro Spirit, Inc. Reproduction or use without permission is prohibited. Phone: (706) 738-1142 Fax: (706) 733-6663 E-mail: spirit@metrospirit.com Letters to the Editor: P.O. Box 3809, Augusta, Ga. 30914-3809

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METRO SPIRIT - MARCH 11, 2004 5

OPINION

Y

ou guys at the Spirit seem to be making Billy sweat a little bit. The Chronicle is copying everything you do. Sass? We’ll do Skirt.

Parent? We’ll do Family. Spirit?

We’ll do Applause. Ooops. That didn’t work. We’ll do Lounge. What is that, by the way? It looks like the bastard child of ASU’s Bell Ringer and Phoenix Magazine. Keep up the good work.

So Columbia County had a contest to develop the new county logo. Perhaps their next boondoggle could be a contest to rename the Growth Management Plan. Since Commission Chairman Ron Cross hasn’t seen a variance request he didn’t love, then renaming it the “Growth Mismanagement Plan” would be appropriate.

I for one just hope the ARC Board of Assessors think they are fooling people.

There has been discontent in that office for more years than Master Sonny has been chief appraiser. Granted, they have worsened since his arrival. The problems have been presented to the Board of Assessors rather than the board because of either their own agenda or because of politics. They say they have investigated all claims brought before them. Bull!

There are just too many chiefs and not enough Indians in that office and I can speak from experience.

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METRO SPIRIT - MARCH 11, 2004

For the past two years I have frequently read about the investigation of Former State Senator Charles Walker. I even turned on my television to see a so-called raid taking place at the Walker Group. For two years I have listened to Austin Rhodes lambaste Charles Walker and brag on how he will be indicted soon. Last week it was reported that prosecutor Rick Thompson was staging old-fashioned witch-hunts in order to oblige his political cronies. Why is it that this man spent so much time trying to throw dirt on Senator Walker’s name? Why is it that no one is calling for him to be prosecuted? Why don’t we hear Austin’s annoying whiney voice saying that Thompson should be prosecuted?

Whine Line Where is Proclamation Bob? After all, Republicans claim to hold each other to a higher standard. (Maybe someone should tell Joey Brush.) Our mayor didn’t hesitate to errantly write the governor when he was accusing ANIC of malfeasance. Where is the cry for an investigation by a grand jury? Why not a Chronicle editorial on why Rick Thompson should be indicted and why Charles Walker should be vindicated. I know it isn’t racism. Everybody knows that doesn’t exist. Perhaps I can coin a new word here. How does “Rightism” sound?

I’m not a Christian; monotheism is mankind’s worst accomplishment. Think about it: If my God is real, what does that make yours? This singularly evil idea is the basis for the pogrom, the inquisition and today’s jihad, all of which are excuses for the worst excesses of human cruelty. That said, Mel Gibson’s movie is how he sees his faith, yet the outrage it generates is astonishing. This has more to do with the views of the detractors than what is in the film. I submit that had he portrayed the Christ as a pedophile, a whacked-out druggie or a dangerous cult leader (or all three), the so-called intelligentsia would be draping flowers around his neck, as opposed to abuse on his head. Liberal Hollywood and their sycophants believe in tolerance of their views.

In his strip titled “A Brief History of Marriage in America” on March 4, 2004, I wonder why Tom Tomorrow didn’t list the Defense of Marriage Act that was passed in September of 1996 stating that marriage must be between a man and a woman and signed by then President Bill Clinton. (Officials who are now trying to enforce the act are accused of discrimination.) It couldn’t be political bias, could it?

The Columbia County Republican Party, and even Jim Whitehead, has known all along that Senator Joey Brush was a slime ball. The Republicans chose to

Words “Tough issues always create or have the potential for creating a hostile environment. It appears I’m not allowed to ask their (students’) point of view. Are these images bad? Why? Because mom and dad say so? What do you say? If we can’t even talk about this, I don’t know what we’re doing here.”

— Dave Marshall, a visiting professor at the College of Charleston, as quoted by the Associated Press after creating a stir at the school when he allowed a student to show a pornographic film “teaser” as part of a presentation on the media’s portrayal of sex, drugs and violence, part of the course syllabus. keep it a secret to protect their little ‘ole Joey boy. There are more secrets about the Republican boys club that will be made public. Stay tuned.

Spirit, please print this. This is only coming from a black perspective and not meant to be racist. First and foremost, my dear Caucasians, when I moved into this neighborhood I just picked a house I liked. It didn’t matter whether it was a black or white neighborhood. So it doesn’t matter if you’re not friendly, don’t say “good morning” or throw out the welcome mat. You stay on your side; I’ll stay on mine and, by the way, quit mowing your grass on Sundays!

This is the basic Republican strategy: Scare the hell out of people and then rob them blind.

I’m a teacher in Richmond County.

While Charles Larke is collecting his vacation pay, I have children in my second grade classroom who do not have textbooks. I think that the Richmond

County taxpayers need to know the truth about what’s going on in our schools.

They really need to ask for an audit of everything. Who’s in power? Who’s controlling the strings and who’s deciding where the money is being spent?

Charles Larke, who do you think you are? You dress so fine, you roll in your Vette and Caddy so fine and you live so fine. But what have you done to improve our educational standards in Richmond County? To our knowledge, or, rather, the lack of our children’s knowledge, nothing validates a $310,000 salary. We all know you have close chums on the Board of Education who keep your pillows fluffed and your wallet stuffed. But what in the heck makes you such hot stuff?

After a hard day at work, I picked up a copy of the Metro Spirit. As I was thumbing through the pages, I came across the Whine Line. I was amazed at all of the jabs at Republicans. I couldn’t understand why there was no rebuttal.

Then it came to me. Republicans are too

busy working so that their tax dollars can allow Democrats to sit on their butts and write in to the paper. Wish I had more time myself but gotta get back to work. I am sure this won’t be printed.

God forbid someone tries to branch out in Augusta. Big deal — Rhinehart’s wants to come to Columbia County. I bet every single one of you righteous, rich white folks eats at Rhinehart’s. That Rhinehart’s is not that far from a school.

But that is OK as long as it stays in Richmond County. You Southerners are so uptight. I’ll also bet that when Rhinehart’s does open their doors in Columbia County, that all the protesters will also be in there living it up and saying, “I’m so glad we don’t have to go to Richmond County.” Anyhow, keep up the complaints. You guys give me something to laugh about.

MCG and the American Red Cross invite you and your family to the

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I’ve asked before and I’ll ask again: Augusta, where have you been? In reference to last week’s “Insider” article that reported on the “Strange” hiring fiasco at the airport — will Sheila Paulk contest the possible hiring of Tammy Strange?

I’ll be surprised if she doesn’t. I’ll be just as surprised if she is not joined by Preacher/Commissioner Ernie Smith and one of his run-away sermons.

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As a Columbia County resident of over 45 years, I have a complaint against the letter in the Metro Spirit about the Rhinehart’s proposed location near Belair Road and Cox Road. I have a problem with her whining because, as a subdivision resident, we all complained and signed petitions against Funsville moving across the street from us many years back. And as it turns out, our whines then were not substantiated. The noise level was not understood. The extra traffic is not a problem. Rhinehart’s is an establishment that has excellent seafood. The atmosphere is casual and people drink responsibly. This is not “a bar where people fall off of bar stools” and I think that as long as Rhinehart’s meets the Columbia County code from the distance of schools and churches, then they have a right to build there. I look forward to Rhinehart’s being five continued on page 8

the keys to staying healthy are prevention

Fair. We will offer screenings for cholesterol,

DEMOCRAT: Liberal; against everything America was founded upon; loves homosexuality and gay marriage; thinks you should give all earned wages to federal government; hates people who have saved their money and have nice bank accounts; loves people who hate rich people; thinks English should be a second language; thinks you should have anything you want without doing anything to get it; thinks every worker should make $25 an hour no matter how much it may hurt the company; gets mad when a company moves its business out of the United States.

Heaven help us! Banks are now charging to count your cash. Last month a bank charged me $1.25 for making a $500 cash deposit. Do I need to say more?

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Thumbs Down An organization called Ten Commandments-Georgia, Inc. is fighting to have replicas of the stone tablet Moses carried up Mount Sinai placed on public buildings throughout the state, according to The Atlanta Journal-Constitution.

Instead, we say, put up public art.

No one wants to see some lousy looking representation of the sacred text (and sacred to only some of the public, at that) every time we go to register to vote or hustle into the DMV during our lunch hour.

Channel 66

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continued from page 7 minutes from my house versus the 30 that the Washington Road location is. I can’t wait until Rhinehart’s opens. The letter is totally one-sided and does not represent the total opinion of those who do live in Columbia County.

When President Bush called Senator Kerry and congratulated him on going up for the Democratic nomination, President Bush stated he was looking forward to a spirited debate. What the president really meant to say was “I am going to do everything I can to distort your record and everything you have ever said.”

Let’s hope the situation at the former Petland will encourage people to adopt from shelters, humane societies and animal control. Pet stores have always obtained puppies from puppy mills,

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METRO SPIRIT - MARCH 11, 2004

The Professionals In Office Moves & Relocations • • • • • •

If these people want to proselytize, let them do so in the fashion of the late Rev. Timothy Fellows: On the street corner, with a hand-held sign.

Let them put up Ten Commandment replicas at their churches, or even their front yards. Rent a billboard.

Buy 30-second spots on TV featuring the tablets. God knows the churches have the money to do all of the above.

But don’t let them affix a rubber stamp of their beliefs on buildings that all of us pay for.

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There are plenty of wonderful animals without pedigrees and high price tags who are waiting to be adopted.

A big whine for Billy Morris III and Frank Lawrence. They are still pushing the Civic Center idea at Regency Mall.

Get over it fellas; we are not going to vote for the new SPLOST tax. We haven’t paid for the old Civic Center.

What makes you think we are going to fund your new boondoggle? Pay for it yourself, Billy.

Call our Whine Line at 510-2051 and leave your comments. We won’t use your name. Fax your whines by dialing (706) 733-6663 or e-mail your whines to whine@metrospirit.com.

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OPINION

Insider

Courts to Decide Fate of State Legislators

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METRO SPIRIT - MARCH 11, 2004

ext Monday, March 15, federal judges will make the final decision on the political maps in Georgia that determine the configuration of the legislative districts. They will make this decision because the court threw out the maps previously submitted by the Georgia General Assembly and legislators couldn’t meet the deadline set by the courts to redraw and resubmit the district maps. Whatever the court rules on Monday, legislators will have to deal with. There is a strong possibility the decision will end the careers of longstanding, entrenched politicians. Maybe that’s not a bad idea.

Locally, state senators and representatives are waiting anxiously to see how the maps shake out to determine if they will remain in their current districts or be drawn out of them.

And the possibility exists that two or more sitting state representatives or state senators could be placed in the same district, pitting friend against friend in the upcoming elections.

The courts have said they will not Randy Hall take incumbency into consideration in their decision. Judges have also indicated they will follow county lines in drawing the maps.

One scenario that’s making the “it’s not impossible” rounds at the Gold Dome involves Senate District 23, currently held by Democrat-turnedRepublican state Sen. Don Cheeks.

Local attorney Ed Tarver lives in the district and has said he will run as a Democrat against Cheeks. Because current state Sen. Randy Hall (R-22) and former District 22 Democrat state Sen. Charles Walker live in close proximity to District 23, they

could conceivably be drawn into the new District 23.

That translates to all four of these guys living in the same district and District 22 being left without representation.

Whoa! Can Charles Walker you imagine the chaos that would ensue?

Another apple cart that could be upset is the one former Columbia County Commissioner Jim Whitehead is riding. Whitehead has already announced he is running against incumbent state Sen. Joey Brush for the District 24 seat. But what if Whitehead is drawn out of the district? Interesting.

Regardless, the qualifying deadline for primary elections is in April, so if any weirdness occurs in the redraw, some candidates may have to scramble to figure out their course of action. We’ll know soon.

Columbia County Sheriff’s Race When local businessman Lewis Blanchard first began talking about running against Columbia County’s incumbent Sheriff Clay Whittle, many people were surprised and wondered why the politically inexperienced Blanchard, who is now a businessman and not actively involved in law enforcement, would attempt to challenge a seemingly entrenched Republican sheriff. Now that Blanchard has formally announced his intentions, there is a feeling in some quarters that he will give Whittle a good fight.

On the night Blanchard made his announcement, several hundred supporters showed up at Savannah Rapids Pavilion to cheer him on. On the basis of the large and enthusiastic turnout, many political observers are taking a second look at Blanchard.

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He’s a hard worker and will likely raise lots of campaign cash. He’s been successful in business and has money of his own. Plus, he has lots of friends in Columbia County.

The race is still puzzling. There is apparently no vocal public outcry to dump Whittle. Sure, there are Whittle detractors. Complaints are bound to be directed at any law enforcement agency that locks people up in jail, but those things come with the territory. The complaints have not made huge headlines or sound bites in the press and Whittle’s honesty has never been questioned. Historically, the incumbent has a huge advantage. The only time a sitting sheriff loses an election is when scandal is associated with his term in office. There isn’t any scandal here that anyone knows about. So why is Blanchard running?

First, Blanchard has always been interested in law enforcement. He first served as campus police director for Columbia County and went on to serve as a police officer on the Columbia County Sheriff Department.

Blanchard is attacking Lewis Blanchard Whittle on the budget front by pointing out how much the sheriff’s annual budget has increased since 1996 when Whittle took over. He also says there are disgruntled employees in the department, a lack of team atmosphere and poor communication from Whittle.

Blanchard says his business experience, combined with his years of service in law enforcement, qualifies him for the job.

Recently, Whittle initiated a departmental investigation into the possibility that someone within his department released names, addresses and phone numbers of law enforcement

officers to Blanchard. The GBI is also pursuing its own investigation.

Releasing those names is against the law. Blanchard has responded by charging Whittle with playing politics and many Columbia County politicos agree, including some of Whittle’s supporters. They think Whittle is being petty. The issue makes it appear Whittle is taking Blanchard seriously. Perhaps he should.

Both Blanchard and Whittle are Republicans and will face off in the July primary election. The race will cost each candidate a minimum of $100,000 and Blanchard supporters report that Blanchard’s campaign may spend in excess of $150,000.

More later.

More Strange Info Last week, The Insider reported that the city’s deputy finance director, Tammy Strange, was highly confident she would leave her job to become finance director at the airport. Apparently, someone wanted her at the airport so badly the salary was increased and the hiring process short circuited to pave the way for Strange.

Not everybody was happy with the situation after reading about it in The Insider, and now the marble palace is buzzing with more than a little discontentment. While Strange was making plans, her boss, finance director David Persaud, apparently knew nothing about it. Other city employees who may have applied for the job were miffed at the idea of prearranged hiring. And Strange was not happy that the information made it to the pages of Metro Spirit, according to some city employees.

Also, there has been a conversation or two among those on the Augusta Aviation Commission about the process. Don’t be surprised if Strange has competition for the job.

The views expressed in this column are the views of The Insider and do not necessarily represent the views of the publisher.

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METRO BEAT

Commission

Should HRC Deal With City Employees’ Complaints?

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METRO SPIRIT - MARCH 11, 2004

hortly after Augusta’s race riots in 1970, the Human Relations Commission was created to promote mutual respect among all citizens and guarantee equal rights to everyone in Augusta.

That is, unless the person complaining works for the city of Augusta.

The Human Relations Commission, comprised of volunteers from all areas of Augusta who are appointed by local elected officials, is responsible for reviewing anything from complaints about a local restaurants’ treatment of customers to accusations of police brutality, such as the shooting death of Alfaigo Davis, a young black man, by police in 1998.

But when it comes to concerns of equal treatment within the city government, members of the Human Relations Commission have been told in the past to keep their hands off such complaints.

On March 8, Dave Barbee, chairman of the Human Relations Commission, told members of the Augusta Commission’s administrative services committee that his board needs clear direction on how to handle such complaints within the city government.

“If you look at the ordinance that created the Human Relations Commission it states as one of our duties, ‘Train Augusta-Richmond County employees to use methods of dealing with intergroup relations which develop respect for equal rights and which result in equal treatment without regard to race, color, religion, national origin, sex, age or handicap,’” Barbee said, reading directly from the city ordinance. “Our commission is charged to do this.

That’s in the ordinance.”

The ordinance also states the Human Relations Commission is supposed to assist in improving equal opportunity for employment and advancement in the city government.

“I’m caught between a rock and a hard place,” Barbee said, flipping through a copy of the ordinance. “If we take no action on these matters, then we are not being true to the ordinance that we have. So I guess what I’m saying is, we’re unsure of what our total responsibilities are and I think we are looking for guidance from commis-

sioners to clarify that for us.”

Barbee said the Human Relations Commission hopes to get an answer from the mayor and Augusta commissioners prior to the city’s hiring of a new Equal Employment Opportunity coordinator.

Currently, the EEO coordinator’s position is vacant, but the Augusta Commission has just finished accepting applications for the $64,290 position and will review them over the next few weeks.

By Stacey Eidson

posed to be doing.

“And if that’s the direction that the city is going, then that’s fine, but then we need to change our ordinance.”

Augusta Commissioner Andy Cheek said that he completely understood Barbee’s dilemma.

“I was a former chair (for the Human Relations Commission) and we were told that when it pertained to the employees of Augusta-Richmond County, HRC was not allowed to get involved with the city’s HR (human

Dave Barbee

“We’re unsure of what our total responsibilities are and I think we are looking for guidance from commissioners to clarify that for us.”

— Dave Barbee, chairman of the Human Relations Commission

“According to a story in the newspaper this week, ‘The equal employment opportunity coordinator will receive and review allegations of unfair employment practices, conduct confidential investigations and recommend corrective action to the commission,’” Barbee said, reading from a March 4 article in The Augusta Chronicle. “So the EEOC officer will primarily be doing the same function as HRC (Human Relations Commission) is sup-

resources) department,” Cheek said. “It was always said that HRC could handle things outside the city government, but it would be some form of conflict of interest if we reviewed employees within the city government.”

Cheek said it was an absolute shame because there are trained investigators working for the Human Relations Commission that could help the city iron out some of its personnel problems.

“We could use them as another arm of

this government,” Cheek said. “But we don’t.”

Augusta Commissioner Don Grantham agreed that the city should take advantage of this unique volunteer board in Augusta.

“This HRC is the only recognized agency like this set up in the state of Georgia,” Grantham told his fellow commissioners, pointing out that other agencies outside Richmond County occasionally pay the Human Relations Commission to hear their complaints.

“So they do have an income based on hearings that they get from outside areas.”

Grantham’s support of the Human Relations Commission is in stark contrast to the position of his predecessor, former Augusta Commissioner Bill Kuhlke.

Two years ago, Kuhlke suggested the city eliminate the human relations department and commission in order to save approximately $250,000 annually.

“I think we have some departments in county government that don’t function,” Kuhlke said during the 2002 budget talks.

“I think they ought to be disbanded.

“One of the departments I’m talking about is human relations because we don’t need it anymore. It doesn’t have a use.”

However, the commission’s administrative services committee decided that the Human Relations Commission does serve a purpose and formed a subcommittee to study if an ordinance change is needed regarding the board.

Only Augusta Mayor Bob Young felt forming a subcommittee was a waste of time.

“I don’t see what the conflict is,” Young told Barbee, as he picked up the board’s ordinance. “The role of the Human Relations Commission, according to the ordinance here is, ‘To assist in improving the equality of opportunity for employment, and advancement in Augusta-Richmond County government.’ That says to ‘assist.’

“So I would see our staff (EEOC) person working with the HRC to accomplish the work that is mandated.

I really don’t see what the big problem is or where the confusion lies.”

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METRO SPIRIT - MARCH 11, 2004

GERALD JONES VOLVO

13

Talkin Trash ’

By Brian Neill

the trash at mbedded” with “e , ill Ne n ia Br Staff writer County landfill. the Richmond Photo courtesy

14

METRO SPIRIT - MARCH 11, 2004

I

n

of Mark Johnso

t’s hot, it stinks and I’m ever mindful of the whereabouts of “Big Blue,” 90,000 pounds of plowing, trashcompacting machinery that would meld my bloody corpse with dirty diapers and bags of rotting asparagus in no time.

Why am I here?

To prove that one man’s trash can literally be another’s treasure.

What have I, instead, learned?

That the trash of many men amounts to, well, just a helluva lot of trash.

It’s about 1:30 in the afternoon on an unseasonably warm Thursday at the Richmond County landfill.

Mark Johnson, assistant director of solid waste for the county, has driven me to the edge of an unloading area for commercial trash haulers.

Swarms of sea gulls rise and fall like giant, white flies with each passing sweep of Big Blue, its spiked, metal wheels pummeling

humanity’s leftovers into the ground.

A turkey vulture sits on the crest of a trashheaped mound picking at some object obscured from view by so many plastic bags.

There’s a prevailing smell of sour milk in the air.

Johnson, an amiable, youthful man, is evidently skeptical I really want to do this.

“I don’t know why anyone would,” he says.

Shrugging off his cynicism, I don a pair of leather work gloves and plod into the mire.

Gaining sure footing is a challenge, as branches and broken bits of old chairs give way to torn-open sacks of rotting vegetables, people’s old underwear and plastic bags whose squishy contents I decide are best left unexplored.

Rooting around in a section of rubbish that’s clear of the paths of Big Blue and a large, yellow bulldozer pushing freshly tipped cargo from the backs of garbage trucks into the main heap, I uncover a strange coil

Photo courtesy

of Brian Neill

Kenny Rogers CDs and homely dolls are among the finds at the dump.

Welcoming springtime to Augusta, “The Garden City,” with garden exhibits, floral design displays, the Garden Market Place, the Tea Room, tours of private and public gardens, outdoor cooking demonstrations, children’s activities including a puppet show, and lectures from author and host of HGTV’s Homes Across America, Alexandra Stoddard.

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METRO SPIRIT - MARCH 11, 2004 15

of clear tubing.

The tubing, it turns out, is attached to a hospital IV-drip bag.

Hopefully, the person it was attached to didn’t have anything that catches, I think.

Probing a little deeper, I find not one, but two Kenny Rogers CDs — “Something Inside So Strong” and “The Heart of the Matter.”

Maybe it’s an indication of why Rogers and his wife have their Atlanta mansion up for sale.

There’s an assortment of handbags, one which contains an unpaid BellSouth phone bill in the amount of $355.45 belonging to a woman named Gloria. of Brian Neill Photo courtesy In the same bag is a Mark Johnson, citation Gloria received Richmond County’s assistant director of solid waste. from Jefferson County Magistrate Court for writing a bad check.

Same thing here.”

The check was for $10. Her fines and court Whether it be paper or plastic, all refuse in fees came to $230. the landfill will meet its fate of molecular Suddenly, a woman with beautiful, bared breakdown sooner or later. breasts rises from the sea of trash.

“It just takes different times for different A mirage? substances,” Johnson says.

No, half off the newsstand price of Playboy.

In the case of some plastics, studies have There are several dolls which, God love suggested, it can take several hundred years ‘em, seem as though they were destined all for complete decomposition to take place. along for this fate — that, or the Island of Though plastic no doubt creates an environMisfit Toys. mental burden, it also plays an integral role in Carrots, old pizza boxes and reams of the landfill. discarded newspapers.

The bottom of the giant pit where A torn-up copy of “Dead Eyes” by Stuart Richmond County’s garbage is dumped is Woods (Amazon.com reviewers gave it an lined with high-density plastic that prevents average of three stars). contaminants from leaching into the ground, Many of these finds I toss off to the side for Johnson says. inventorying.

Rainwater that flows down through the The best intentions set out to make this one contents of the landfill is trapped by the of those slice-of-life stories, a story of how plastic liner and diverted to a holding tank, the unique things one finds on the dump heap where it is tested according to environmental tell stories about their former owners and our standards before being discharged to the society in general. sewer.

And in some ways, it has been that.

Johnson acknowledges that many people But as I regain solid footing on the clay never see where the contents of their kitchen embankment surrounding this pit of filth and and bathroom trash cans wind up. stench after 30 minutes or so of poking “I think they would be surprised with the around, I remark to Johnson that mankind’s technology that supports and backs the leavings, at least as they are amassed here, landfill,” Johnson says, as garbage truck after really may not be that interesting after all. garbage truck winds its way up the sloping, “No, it’s really not,” he says, still looking a dirt road toward the tipping area. “The tad puzzled at this exercise. systems are a lot more complicated than just, But what is interesting is the way Johnson haul it to the landfill and throw it in.” speaks of the landfill as if it were, itself, a This current landfill location, however, has living thing. only about two years’ worth of capacity left, It takes in food in the form of trash — about Johnson says.

700 tons a day — and digests it through The last of a series of public hearings to decomposition. discuss plans to expand the landfill to an It also gives off gas in the form of methane, adjacent 303 acres owned by the county is which is uniquely harnessed at the Richmond scheduled for 6 to 8 p.m. March 23 at the County landfill through a vacuum system and Bernie Ward Community Center, 1941 pumped to a local clay company, where it is Lumpkin Road. used to fire the kilns.

If approved, Johnson says, the new landfill Driving around the site in a white county site, estimated to cost around $6 million, will truck, Johnson suddenly says something very be able to take care of the county’s garbage simple, yet profound. needs for another 195 years.

“Nothing in the world is gained or lost,” he That’s long past the time the biological stew says. “It’s just in a different form. of decomposition will have done its work on us.

The Return of

Jasper Johns

By Stacey Eidson

W

Jasper Johns, “Face with Watch”, 1996 Walker Art Center

16

METRO SPIRIT - MARCH 11, 2004

Jasper Johns, “Summer”, 1987 Walker Art Center

Jasper Johns, “Untitled”, 2000 Collection Walker Art Center

henever Augustans talk about great local legends who have become internationally renowned, inevitably the names James Brown, Jessye Norman, Laurence Fishburne and even Terry Gene Bollea (a.k.a. Hulk Hogan) will arise.

But rarely do you hear the name Jasper Johns.

Often hailed as the father of pop art and minimalism, Johns first emerged as a powerful force within the American art scene in the late 1950s with “Flag,” a painting permanently on display at the Museum of Modern Art in New York City.

In his 1955 version of “Flag,” Johns painted the American flag in a medium called encaustic, a warm wax suspension that quickly dries. This technique allows the painting to have deep texture and resemble a real flag made of fabric that is pinned to the wall.

The simplistic nature of Johns’ “Flag” stunned the art world and led Western painting away from the emotional and spiritual imagery of abstract expressionists like Jackson Pollock and Philip Guston.

As a painter, sculptor and printmaker, Johns soon became one of America’s most popular postwar artists, concentrating mainly on the repetition and symmetry of common images such as numbers, flags and targets.

However, prior to Johns’ international fame, he was an Augusta native.

On May 15, 1930, Jasper Johns, Jr. was born in Augusta.

“I was born in Augusta because it had the hospital nearest to Allendale, where my parents were living,” Johns said in a recent interview with the Metro Spirit via fax from his winter home in St. Martin in the French West Indies.

Johns’ father, William Jasper Johns, was a farmer and former lawyer from Allendale, S.C. His mother was Jean Riley Johns, and the family lived in an apartment on School Street in Allendale until the Johnses divorced in 1932.

According to a 1996 book entitled “Jasper Johns: A Retrospective,” printed by The Museum of Modern Art in New York, after the divorce, Jasper Johns was sent to live with his paternal grandfather, a “Baptist farmer” who also lived in Allendale.

While Johns still occasionally saw his father, his early years seemed very unsettled.

“I lived in a number of places — Allendale, Columbia, Leesville, Sumter — with various relatives — grandparents, aunts and uncle, mother and stepfather,” Johns said from St. Martin.

Johns told the New York Post in 1970 that the environment he grew up in was “entirely Southern, small-town, unsophisticated, a middle class background in the Depression years of the thirties.”

But despite these somewhat bleak surroundings, in 1933, at the young age of 3, Johns began to draw. Two years later, Johns already knew he wanted to become an artist.

“A tendency toward becoming an artist always seemed to be present,” Johns told the Metro Spirit. “I have no real explanation of it.”

In 1990, Johns told The Washington Post that he remembered seeing old paintings his grandmother had done scattered throughout his family’s Allendale home.

“I had had a grandmother who died before I was born who had made some pictures,” Johns told The Post. “They were like swan on a creek, or crane standing in water, or cow in meadow ... something like that, and I have the suspicion that they were copied, but I don’t know.

“Those were the only paintings I ever saw, real paintings, as a child.”

By 1935, Johns didn’t understand what being an artist truly meant, only that he wanted to be one.

In “A Retrospective,” Johns remembered one day when an artist traveled through Allendale and stayed with his grandparents.

“He decorated the mirrors of the Greek restaurant with birds and flowers,” Johns said. “I stole some paints and brushes from his room. It didn’t occur to me that he could miss the things I took — he had so much. But he did.

USC had to offer,” Rembert reportedly said in 1978.

But Johns’ plans were cut short when, in 1951, he was drafted into the Army and sent to Fort Jackson, S.C. According to “A Retrospective,” Johns

to make posters providing information to American soldiers.

By 1953, Johns was honorably discharged and moved back to Manhattan. He attempted to attend Hunter College in New York, but quit after one day.

“I am delighted that the exhibition is to be in the state of my childhood ...

This will be the first show in the state devoted to my work since the one at the Columbia Museum of Art in 1960.”

Photo Credit: Jack Shear

“Not knowing that oil paint wouldn’t mix with water, I made a mess before his materials were returned to him by our cook.”

Johns’ curiosity was piqued, and he never looked back. “(S)omehow the idea must have been conveyed to me that an artist is someone of interest in a society,” Johns told The New York Times in 1977. “I didn’t know artists, but at an early age I realized that in order to be one I’d have to be somewhere else.”

After his grandfather died in 1939, Johns moved in with his mother, stepfather and two half-sisters in Columbia. A year later, however, he was sent to live with an aunt near Lake Murray in an area once known as “The Corner.”

“It was very rural — no telephone, no electricity at first,” Johns told New York Times Magazine in 1988. “I had no sense of the world, and still have very little of it.”

Johns reportedly attended a two-room school known as “Climax,” where his aunt taught all grades at the school.

Finally, in 1946, Johns moved back in with his mother and stepfather who now live in Sumter, S.C., and enrolled in Edmunds High School. For the first time in his life, Johns had the opportunity to take art classes in school.

By 1947, Johns graduated valedictorian of his high school and moved to Columbia where he enrolled in the University of South Carolina.

Soon after, his instructor, a well-known artist by the name of Catharine Phillips Rembert, encouraged him to move to New York.

“He left for New York because he wanted to study more art and he had exhausted what

— Jasper Johns

created an art program for soldiers while in the Army and, with the aid of The Columbia Museum of Art, developed a Fort Jackson Gallery.

In 1952, Johns completed his earliest recorded works. One of them, entitled “Idiot,” can still be seen at the Columbia Museum of Art. That same year, Johns was sent to Japan during the Korean War where he was assigned

“The first day I had a class in ‘Beowulf,’ then a French class in which I couldn’t understand a word and then an art class in which a handsome, red-haired lady in a hat told me I drew a ‘marvelous line,’” Johns is quoted as saying in “A Retrospective.” “Near home, I passed out on the street. I was rescued and stayed in bed for a week and that ended my career in higher education.”

So Johns took a job as a night-shift clerk at a bookstore near Carnegie Hall called Marboro Books.

On his way home from work one night, Johns happened to run into a familiar face, writer Suzi Gablik. Accompanying her was painter Robert Rauschenberg.

According to “A Retrospective,” Johns said Rauschenberg was “the first person I knew who was a real artist.”

A few months later, Johns moved into a loft apartment on Pearl Street in New York with several artists, including Rachel Rosenthal, and began working with Rauschenberg designing store-window displays in New York.

“Jap (Johns) was an artist but he didn’t yet consider himself a serious artist,” Rosenthal is quoted as saying in the book. “So when he moved into the loft he felt he was going to open up and really work.”

In the fall of 1954, Johns experienced a revelation and decided his art should take a different path. He immediately destroyed all of his prior work.

“There was a change in my spirit, in my thought and my work, as well as some doubt and terror,” Johns said in “A Retrospective.”

Several months later, Johns had a dream that inspired the painting “Flag.”

“One night I dreamed that I painted a large American flag and the next morning I got up and I went out and bought the materials to begin it,” Johns said, according to “A Retrospective.” “I worked on that painting a long time ... I began it in house enamel paint, which you paint furniture with, and it wouldn’t dry quickly enough. And then I had continued on page 18

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continued from page 17 in my head this idea of something I had read or heard about: wax encaustic.

“In the middle of the painting I changed to that, because encaustic just has to cool and then it’s hard and you don’t blur it again. ...

With encaustic you can just keep on.”

By December 1955, “Flag” was included in a group art exhibition in New York. Two years later, a famous art dealer named Leo Castelli saw Johns’ art for the first time in New York’s Jewish Museum and offered him an exhibition in his gallery.

Art critics were shocked, elated and dismayed by Johns’ work.

“Is it blasphemous or respectful, simpleminded or recondite?” Art Critic Robert Rosenblum asked in 1957 about Johns’ “Flag.” “One suspects here a vital Neo-Dada spirit.”

Now, almost 50 years later, Johns’ paintings are considered to be at the forefront of art in America and can be found in almost every major museum collection around the country.

Yet, in Augusta, few know of his art or his impact.

Even Johns’ cousin, Bill Johns, who still lives in Allendale, couldn’t really say much about Jasper Johns or his art work.

“Yes, we’re first cousins, but I don’t know a thing about Jasper,” Bill Johns said by phone.

“We grew up way apart from one another. I haven’t followed his work and all the people that I know who knew him are gone from around here.”

Fortunately for those unfamiliar with Johns’ art, a unique opportunity to see his work up close will be offered in nearby Greenville, S.C. On March 24, the Minneapolis-based Walker Art Center will present an exhibition entitled “Past Things and Present: Jasper Johns since 1983” opening at the Greenville County Museum of Art on March 24 and will run through May 23.

Joan Rothfuss, the curator of the Walker, said her museum has been committed to showing Johns’ work for more than 15 years.

“He’s probably the premiere American artist of the postwar period,” Rothfuss said by phone. “He is somebody any museum would like to have in their collection. And we have a large print collection here.”

Rothfuss explained that the Walker had purchased an extensive collection of Johns’ prints in 1989.

“So he is an artist that we have a long relationship with,” Rothfuss said. “We had done an exhibition in 1990 of his prints and I wanted to do a sequel to that exhibition that would focus on his most recent work.”

Johns said he felt very comfortable with the idea of the Walker concentrating on his work since 1983 because the museum was so familiar with him as an artist.

“The Walker is the only institution that owns a complete set of my published prints,” Johns told the Metro Spirit. “There are at least 275 of them since 1960 when I began printmaking.”

In this exhibition, Johns said, visitors will not see much of what he described as “conventional forms” such as flags, numbers and targets.

Such symbols, Johns said, “would be recognized by almost anyone in our society over the age of four or five. The more recent works tend to lack that base of familiarity.”

Also included in the Walker exhibition are

several pieces of work that incorporate souvenirs from the Johns family within the art pieces, such as old family photographs.

“Long ago, I began to incorporate photographic material into my work,” Johns said.

“Such preformed images function as established facts rather than as displays of skill. Of course, the family photograph suggests a certain nostalgia, given its dated appearance.”

Rothfuss said one such work was made into a poster for the Walker exhibition.

“He used an old Johns family photo. I think it’s circa 1908 or the early part of the 20th century,” Rothfuss said. “And it’s a photograph that he used in some of his prints already. It’s of his grandparents, his father, who is pictured as a young child sitting on somebody’s knee, and a couple of his aunts and uncle are there.”

Because the artist used such old photographs, Rothfuss said, audiences can’t help but assume that Johns, now 73, is reflecting on his youth.

“Clearly it is one of those motifs in his work that is looking backward to specifically his early life,” Rothfuss said. “And that’s one of the changes that has come about in the last 20 years. It’s clear that he is now thinking about his past in his artwork.”

And now those images are returning home to South Carolina.

“I am delighted that the exhibition is to be in the state of my childhood,” Johns told the Metro Spirit. “I think the Greenville County Museum has the only painting of mine in a South Carolina collection and this will be the first show in the state devoted to my work since the one at the Columbia Museum of Art in 1960.”

Mary McCarthy, public information coordinator for the Greenville County Museum of Art, said the museum was honored to be asked to be a part of the exhibition’s tour.

“We are one of only two museums in the United States that will have this exhibition,” McCarthy said, referring also to the Walker.

“After us the exhibition is going to Scotland, Ireland and Spain, so this is a unique opportunity.”

“And, of course, since Jasper Johns is from South Carolina, we have strong ties with him and his family. His (half) sister lives here in Greenville, so we’re very excited the exhibition is coming here.”

For those people in Augusta not familiar with Johns, Rothfuss said a trip to Greenville to see the exhibition is well worth the hour-and-a-half drive.

“Jasper Johns has had an incredible impact on art in America,” Rothfuss said.

“His flag paintings in the late ‘50s were an absolute breakthrough and he’s kept on, throughout the decades, surprising people with what he comes up with.

“His work is not only gloriously beautiful, but it’s rigorously intelligent. I think Johns is someone who really appeals to everyone, but especially painters and artists because he really has found a way to continue to do interesting things day after day after day.”

For more information, visit the Greenville County Museum of Art’s Web site at www.greenvillemuseum.org or call (864) 271-7570.

art

flix

ART S MUSIC EVENT S

music

METRO SPIRIT - MARCH 11, 2004

19

BITE The Motor City (Wrap) Comes to Augusta at Skyline Café

F

20

METRO SPIRIT - MARCH 11, 2004

rom the folks who brought Augusta the Boll Weevil and Beamie’s comes the Skyline Café, their first venture outside of downtown. It’s also their first venture into the world of theme restaurants, but don’t let out an exasperated groan just yet. This one is nicely done in a minimalist way.

The cityscape theme starts with the name, and continues once you walk in the door.

The most striking aspect of this small, brightly lit spot is the collection of handpainted murals that adorn several of the walls. The skyline views of different cities — including an art deco ode to Miami and a montage of several cities that looks to be still in progress — are colorful, fun and oddly soothing to look at despite their bright tones.

The café serves wrap sandwiches, salads, soups, smoothies and desserts, and has a gigantic dry-erase board behind the counter with a little over a dozen different kinds of sandwiches that are all (with the exception of the breakfast wrap) named after cities and the neighborhoods within them. There’s the Chicago Club, the China Town, the Big Apple and the Meatless in Seattle (get it?).

So what happens is, customers order at the counter using a three-step process. First is choosing a wrap from the four offered — original flour, sun-dried tomato and basil, spinach and herb and low-carb wholewheat; then a side from the choices of homemade pasta salad, potato salad, chips or a small salad; and then, the location (or fillings at other, less creative, places).

And they all look good, from the Key West (tuna salad, apples, lettuce, tomato and sliced cucumber) to the Five Points, a take-off on a popular Boll Weevil sandwich filled with turkey, creamed spinach dip, swiss cheese, lettuce and tomato.

The employees probably get tired of watching customers stare at the board above their heads, but it does take a while to read and decide. I had a hard time choosing between the Tex-Mex themed Santa Fe and the Motor City, but the latter — filled with fajita chicken, bacon, buffalo sauce, bleu cheese (or ranch) dressing, lettuce, tomato and cheddar — won out and I’m glad it did.

When our orders came a few minutes later, I was pretty happy to see that it

By Amy Fennell Christian

wasn’t the monstrosity I imagined. It was a good size (more than enough, really). I ordered it with a spinach and herb wrap but, truthfully, I couldn’t tell much difference between it and a regular old flour wrap. It sure did look pretty, though, and the flavorful fillings were great.

While Skyline has a row of hot sauces lining the counter, the buffalo sauce was plenty spicy and wonderfully tangy. The bleu cheese cut the spiciness and provided the sandwich with a rich, creamy texture.

Surprisingly, the wrap was heated for a short time.

One of my lunch companions tried the Little Havana — filled with Cuban pork, ham, swiss cheese and sautéed peppers and onions — on a flour wrap. He thought it was a little bland, and while I wasn’t as impressed with it as I was with mine, I liked it.

His was heated as well, and served with a side of excellent potato salad that I kept stealing forkfuls of. The triangles of skinon red potatoes were mixed with a creamy and tangy yellow mixture that was soupy but delicious.

And speaking of soups, Skyline serves a different assortment each day. The day we went we had vegetable and corn chowder to choose from. We went with the vegetable, a tomato-based concoction filled with loads of veggies. It was slightly spicy and very good.

We also sampled a strawberry-banana smoothie, not too sweet, and chocolate pudding from the three choices they had that day (the other two being triple chocolate pound cake and lemon zest pound cake). The pudding, served in a plastic cup, was more of a milk-chocolate mousse and was a chocoholic’s dream. The three of us fought over it until the last bite.

Skyline advertises itself as “the healthy alternative to fast food.” I’m not sure how much healthier my wrap was than a trip to a burger chain, but it’s definitely a nice change and a better alternative taste-wise.

Skyline Café is located in the LePavilion Shopping Center on Washington Road, (706) 210-7101. Hours are 10 a.m.-8 p.m.

Monday through Friday, and 10 a.m.-4 p.m. on Saturday. They accept most major credit cards.

in the mix Just the facts Kami is a student at Augusta State University and is recently married. She was born in Union, S.C., but moved to Augusta when she was three.

afraid they’re going to break down and I’m going to be hanging upside down for two hours. The last time I went to Six Flags, I went on the Batman roller coaster and I was so proud of myself … and I enjoyed it, too.

What makes her stay?

My parents, my whole family is here and I met my husband here. We just love it here.

The three items Kami says she can’t live without My husband, my hair dryer and my dog. I love my dog.

On why she and husband Jason chose Walt Disney World as their honeymoon spot We actually got engaged at Disney World too, so we have this whole Disney theme going on. He was the first person I ever went to Disney with and we go every summer. I think we’re just addicted.

The celebrity people say she most resembles I get Princess Diana all the time. There’s a guy who comes in to work and calls me Lady Di — that’s my name to him.

So is the honeymoon over yet?

It’s still going on. Being married is awesome — we have so much fun together.

Kami’s drink of choice If it’s alcohol, I’d have to say Malibu and pineapple juice. If it’s not, I like chocolate milkshakes.

Photo by Joe White

What’s the best book ever written?

“The Joy Luck Club.” It’s one of the only books I didn’t get the Cliff’s Notes for in high school. I don’t know if it’s the best book ever written, but I liked it.

When was the last time she did something that really scared her?

I’m petrified of getting on roller coasters. I’m always

Best driving music I love James Taylor, Elton John and Jackson Browne — the old songs. They’re better to cruise to.

Kami’s biggest addiction I’m addicted to rocky road ice cream. If I’m near a Baskin Robbins, my car has a mind of its own. I have to have it.

Kami often dreams of …

Whether it’s literal dreams or daydreams, I dream of being at the beach a lot. That’s where I want to be, I guess.

She’s happiest when she’s …

Just hanging around doing nothing. Just being with my husband and relaxing.

Kami

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ART S The Ariel Winds and Manuel Barrueco Come to Augusta

H

ow about an all-girl wind quintet for a change of pace?

The Ariel Winds are coming to Augusta. And they have a big, red bassoon.

We didn’t talk to the bassoonist, however.

We talked to the flutist, Adi Menczel. I asked her how long the group had been together.

“Well we started the group in the fall of 1998 when several of us were masters students at the Julliard school in New York City.

It’s been really wonderful. The group just started on a whim.”

They were very fortunate, she said, in that they liked each other, and the faculty and staff helped them out.

“After we graduated from school, we took a Chamber Music America rural residency (in Stephenville, Texas, two hours southwest of Dallas). We lived there for nine months and we basically were fully immersed in the community. We did 85 educational concerts, 35 formal concerts. We taught lessons; we did everything.

“That was really the first year we worked as a professional group,” Menczel said. “And it was a time for us to kind of get the repertoire down and get some real time with each other.”

She said that when they were in New York attending Julliard, they were constantly on the go. The residency gave them a chance to slow down.

“It was really amazing,” she said. “When we got back, we had signed with our manage-

ment company, and things just sort of took off from that.”

She said they return to Stephenville once a year. “We have to go back there. That place changed our lives and I’m sure it was special for the people there. A lot of them took up instruments.”

It wasn’t a community that was into classical music at the time, she said. “They were familiar with classical music but they wouldn’t listen to it on a regular basis. It was more of a country music kind of place.”

To facilitate the crowd’s enjoyment, she said, the quintet paused between pieces, and they’d also play some favorites that were a bit closer to home.

“We’d throw in ‘The Yellow Rose of Texas.’

We really wanted to engage them and make sure they were enjoying what they were listening to. And we really found that the more we explained pieces, what the composers were thinking, those became their favorite pieces.”

That experience influenced how they approach crowds to this day, she said. “We’ve incorporated that in all our concerts. We speak between each piece. It’s great for an audience to get to see our personalities a little bit, as well as to learn what the piece is about.”

“And you know, we’re professional musicians,” she added. “We were used to playing.

But public speaking — who knew?”

Now, she said, they do a lot of educational concerts.

By Rhonda Jones

I asked her what they planned to do in Augusta. As it turns out, they have pieces from four composers, and each of a different nationality: Eugene Bozza (French), August Klughardt (German), Irving Fine (American), Emanuel DeFalla (Spanish).

So if you’re new to the classical music scene, this promises to be a good way to ease yourself in. The Ariel Winds are all about your enjoyment.

Symphony Brings Classical Guitarist The Augusta Symphony is bringing in a classical guitarist for the fifth concert in this season’s Masterworks Series. The program is called “Folk Influences,” and features Manuel Barrueco. He will perform Vivaldi’s “Concerto in D Major for Guitar and Orchestra,” Turina’s “La Oracion del Torero” (or “The Bullfighter’s Prayer”) and a new piece by Roberto Sierra, “Folias for Guitar and Orchestra,” as well as Robert Wards world premier “Seventh Symphony.” The very next day, he will perform a program called “Zing! Go the Strings” for the Symphony’s Publix Family Series concert.

According to information provided by Augusta Symphony, Barrueco actually premiered “Folias for Guitar and Orchestra” on Sept. 21, 2002. He played with the New World Symphony in Miami. Alasdair Neal conducted.

He’s quite the globetrotter, having toured to many of the world’s major cities, like New

York, Los Angeles, Chicago, London, Munich, Madrid, Barcelona, Milan, Rome, Copenhagen, Seoul, Taipei, Singapore and Hong Kong. The Los Angeles Times likes him. They’ve called him “a major artist with remarkable musicianship and a world of technique — simply and consistently — awesome.”

Since Barrueco was on tour and unavailable to speak with us for this story, you’ll just have to check out his Web site. The FAQ page gave me all kinds of interesting tidbits — like the fact that he played an Isaac Albéniz piece in a Lexus commercial. He also recorded a CD called “Lennon & McCartney.” Gendai Guitar at http://www.gendaiguitar.com is where you can find the Beatles pieces included on that album, arranged by Takemitsu.

I took a peek at his touring schedule for this season, and there we are, listed in the March 19-21 entry. Those are not the dates given to us by Augusta Symphony, however. (See the info box.) The next entry is April 24 in Munich, Germany.

After Germany, he goes to New York and Maryland in June, finishing out the month in Aukland, New Zealand. In July he goes to Germany, Spain and Hungary, and in August he goes to Germany and Mexico.

If you’d like to check him out before checking him out, then visit his Web site at http://www.barrueco.com.

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METRO SPIRIT - MARCH 11, 2004

Artists: The Ariel Winds quintet Host: The Harry Jacobs Chamber Music Society Venue: ASU Performing Arts Theatre Times: 8 p.m. March 16 Preconcert: 7:15 performance by Suzuki Strings of Augusta Senior Ensemble Cost: $20 at the door general admission, $5 for students FYI: Children under 6 not admitted For Info: (706) 736-9098 Performer: Manuel Barrueco (classical guitarist) Host: Augusta Symphony Venue: ASU Performing Arts Theatre Times: March 20 Masterworks concert, March 21 Publix Family Series concert For Info: (706) 826-4705

arts

LIVE AT FORT GORDON...

Comedy in Abbeville, Tragedy in Augusta

THE HILARIOUS

By Rhonda Jones

I

t’s time for another British farce in theatreland — the Abbeville Opera House in Abbeville, S.C., is going to perform “See How They Run,” by Phillip King.

Abbeville director Michael Genevie spoke to Metro Spirit recently about the production.

He said the play centers around the life of a minister.

“His name is Reverend Lionel Toop,” Genevie explained. “Reverend Toop is married to Penelope, and they live in the vicarage.”

Penelope’s personality provides ample room for comedy, he said. “She’s an ex-American actress who apparently doesn’t get along well with Reverend Toop’s parishioners. … On this particular evening, when the show starts, Reverend Toop is going to accompany the church glee club.”

plays you can think of.”

A Little Puccini Anyone?

Linda Banister, who is the general director and producer of the ASU Opera Workshop, has spoken with us about her group’s upcoming performance of Giacomo Puccini’s “Suor Angelica” (which means “Sister Angelica”).

She said this is a one-act opera, in full costume and fully staged, and will last about an hour. It covers the final day in the life of a young nun, set in Italy during the late 17th century. All roles will be sung by Augusta State University students, except for the role of Angelica’s aunt, also known as “the Princess.” Banister herself will sing that role.

The lead role will be sung by Denise Pike, a senior music education major.

“This opens the door to a whole genre for the Opera House. Just the subject matter itself lends itself to our audiences.”

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MARCH 27, 2004 Two Shows: 8:00 & 10:30 p.m.

Alexander Hall, Fort Gordon Tickets are $15, $20 & $25 and are available beginning March 12 at the Fort Gordon Dinner Theatre, Gordon Lanes, Fort Gordon Federal Credit Union or www.fortgordon.com.

Call 793-8552 for phone reservations.

Open to the public! All patrons please bring a photo I.D. to enter Fort Gordon.

Rated R

— Michael Genevie, Abbeville Opera House director There is an irate parishioner, an old male friend of Penelope’s, an escaped convict, an extra minister and a bishop — and a ton of mixed identities. Penelope’s friend has to dress in some of Lionel’s clerical clothing so that he won’t be recognized, and the good reverend and the angry parishioner wind up in the closet together.

Just when you’ve decided you can figure out where things are going, the bishop decides to drop in. Then things get really interesting.

Genevie said there are lots of doors, lots of entrances and exits, which translates into lots of opportunities to really confuse the characters.

“This opens the door to a whole genre for the Opera House,” Genevie said. “Just the subject matter itself lends itself to our audiences,” he said. “I think the church groups will find this very entertaining. It’s a good, light, fun, springtime comedy and I think we’re going to get a terrific response from it.”

There was a time, he said, when Agatha Christie was the popular thing. “We went through just about all the Agatha Christie

“I play the regal, stern, unforgiving aunt of Sister Angelica. We also have a chamber orchestra that will provide the instrumental music for this show. Performers in that ensemble are students, some faculty members and members of the Augusta and greater CSRA communities. Ms. Myers will be conducting this as well.”

“Opera workshop has been offered at ASU for more than 20 years and has had a number of different directors,” she said in a recent e-mail.

She also sent an explanation of the significance of the opera, and said it is part of a trilogy of short operas meant to be performed together.

The three together are called “Il Trittico.”

It’s quite a tragic tale, as the aunt is visiting the young sister to order her to sign over her inheritance to her young sister. We also learn the heartbreaking reason that Angelica is in the convent — a child born out of wedlock.

When she asks about her son, the aunt tells her he is dead, and Angelica decides to end her own life.

March 20, 2004

Columbia, SC

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Gates to the Festival Open Admission is $7.00 _____________________________________________________________________ 10:00

Carolina First Parade Children’s Carnival in MLK Park—Free _____________________________________________________________________ 11:00 Waiter’s Race in Yesterday’s Parking Lot _____________________________________________________________________ 12:00 til 7:00

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23

Performance: Suor Angelica by Giacomo Puccini Company: Augusta State University Opera Workshop Venue: Maxwell Performing Arts Theatre at ASU Times: 8 p.m. March 12-13 Money: $12 reserved seating, $10 general admission, $5 for students. Free with ASU ID. Contact: (706) 667-4876.

Tantric

METRO SPIRIT - MARCH 11, 2004

Production: “See How They Run” by Phillip King Company: The Abbeville Opera House Venue: Abbeville Opera House, Abbeville, S.C. Evening Shows: 8 p.m. on March 1213, 19-20 and 26-27 Matinees: 3 p.m. on March 13 and 20 Reservations: (864) 459-2157

Local, Regional and National Music on Four Stages __________________________________________________________________

Blake Shelton

arts

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CSRA Partners in Health

“Dora the Explorer Live!” Comes to Bell

By Rhonda Jones

Diane K. Smith, MD 1220 Augusta West Parkway Augusta, GA 30909 706.860.3001

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METRO SPIRIT - MARCH 11, 2004

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hat if your best friend was a monkey? What if you had a talking backpack that magically happened to have whatever you needed at any particular moment, and a talking map who knew how to get you anywhere in the world? What if you were only 7 years old and life was just one big adventure?

Well, if you have kids, you are probably already familiar with the television program “Dora the Explorer,” as well as Dora and her friends Boots the monkey, Backpack and Map. We recently caught up with Dora herself — or, rather, Christina Bianco, who is the closest thing to Dora that we could come up with, and she had quite a few things to say about what it’s like to play television’s most popular 7-year-old.

“It’s a challenge to play a 7-year-old cartoon character who is loved by the entire country, so I have a heck of a lot to live up to as a 22-year-old human being.”

She said that when she gets to meet her diminuitive fans, they have no problem believing she is, indeed, Dora. She generally meets them when the production holds meetand-greets.

“A lot of the time it’s the first time they’re seeing a human Dora in front of them,” she said. “They always want to tell me exactly what they learned, and sometimes they tell me I’m their best friend and it’s great to finally meet me,” she said.

Sometimes, she said, she would meet kids who’d had a wish granted by the Make-aWish Foundation, which grants wishes for terminally ill children. “It’s even doubly rewarding in that case,” she said.

I asked her to describe the biggest challenge that Dora presents to her. “I think the biggest challenge is to tell the kids what to do without talking down to them. Dora is 7 but she

Production: “Dora the Explorer Live!”

Venue: Bell Auditorium, Augusta, Ga. Times: March 16 at 7 p.m., March 17 at 10:30 a.m. and 7 p.m.

has the answers to a lot of things. She can’t seem like a know-it-all; she really has to seem that she’s asking along with them.”

She pointed out that her Dora voice is a little different from her normal voice. “I talk with a high-pitched voice, but I have to do that without seeming too ridiculous and without annoying the parents,” she said with a laugh.

It’s a voice she developed while babysitting, to entertain the kids. She said that she hasn’t been asked to change it by the director, so it must be working.

When asked how she got the idea to audition for “Dora,” she said it was suggested to her by a friend who was working on “Blue’s Clues” at the time. So when she saw a call for auditions a month later, she went for it. I asked her if she ever had a “what am I doing here” moment. She said no.

“I didn’t think it was any less important or rewarding of a job because it was children’s theatre. I know that this company put on very good shows and very professional shows.”

And she also likes being on a job that lasts a while. April marks a year since the tour started and it will continue until midway through September.

“Going for that length of time is a little tough,” she said. “We do our best to make a family of touring company and see friends and family as much as we can during the breaks.”

She wanted to be sure to mention that the show is interactive. “It’s great for the kids but also for me. Those kids keep it fresh every single show. We go on the adventure together.

I couldn’t do it without them as much as they couldn’t do it without Dora.”

Charge Tickets: (706) 828-7700 (Augusta) or (404) 249-6400 (outside Augusta) Prices: $37 for VIP package.

Otherwise $27 and $14.

For Info: (803) 724-2400

arts

Get Your Paddy On: It’s St. Patrick’s Day

S

aint Patrick’s Day is on its way and there are going to be a lot of activities here in Augusta, with the most well-known being the Saint Patrick’s Day Parade which makes its way down Broad Street each year. We spoke to Earle Lovering Jr., who is the parade chairman, and he gave us the stats and other interesting tidbits surrounding this Augusta tradition.

For one thing, he said, it starts at 2 p.m.

“It will start at 8th and Telfair Street,” he said. After that, he said, it will wind its way to 11th Street and turn from 11th to Broad, continuing all the way to 6th Street, then turning left and ending in the parking lot of St. Paul’s Church.

Event: Entertainment Zone Venue: 8th Street Plaza (across the street from the Common) Time: Noon to 10 p.m.

Cost: $5 admission Entertainment: The Pat Blanchard Band, John Kolbeck and more Event: Children’s Area Venue: 8th Street Plaza Entertainment Zone Time: 1 p.m. to 6 p.m.

Activities: Carnival rides, face-painting, moonwalks Event: The Parade Venue: Downtown Start Time: 2 p.m.

Grand Marshall: John Scherer Featured: Fort Gordon Color Guard and Signal Corps Band, various high school bands, the Shriners, assorted interesting people

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And this year’s parade will feature Shriners galore.

“The Shriners will be in Augusta in full force,” Lovering said. “They’re all coming up from Savannah, Thomson, Augusta, Sylvania, Vidalia and Statesboro.”

The Shriners have been a very popular part of the parade each year, he said.

And not only do we get all the Shriners this year, but Lovering said that reports so far indicate that the weather will be fine. “We have ordered better weather,” he agreed with a laugh.

He said that this year is the 27th year of the parade. “I know we’re one of the longest, if not the longest parade, tradition in town,” he said.

A Very Entertaining and Informative List of Famous Irish Americans • John and Ethel Barrymore (actors) • Henry Ford (established Ford Motor Company) • Judy Garland (Dorothy in “The Wizard of Oz”) • Presidents Kennedy, Reagan, Jackson, Polk, Buchanan, Arthur, McKinley, Wilson, Nixon (just to name a few) • Daniel Boone • Davy Crockett • Billy the Kid (Henry McCarty) • John Wayne • Bill Haley (of the Comets) • Mickey Rourke • Conan O-freakin’-Brien • Carroll O’Connor • F. Scott Fitzgerald • Jackie Gleason • Ed Sullivan • Sean Penn (if he ain’t Irish, he oughta be)

Downtown Delivery

Noon to 3 pm

PUBLIC HEARING AUGUSTA, GEORGIA YEAR 2005 CONSOLIDATED PLAN (2005-2009) & YEAR 2005 ACTION PLAN DEVELOPMENT COMMUNITY DEVELOPMENT BLOCK GRANT (CDBG) PROGRAM HOME INVESTMENT PARTNERSHIPS (HOME) PROGRAM EMERGENCY SHELTER GRANT (ESG) PROGRAM HOUSING OPPORTUNITIES FOR PERSONS WITH AIDS (HOPWA) Notice is hereby given that the Housing and Neighborhood Development (HND) Department on behalf of the Mayor and The Augusta-Richmond County Commission is in the process of developing the city’s Year 2005 Consolidated Plan for years 2005 – 2009 and its Action Plan for Year 2005.

What is a Consolidated Plan?

A Consolidated Plan is a 5-year plan that defines a jurisdiction’s priorities for addressing housing, homelessness, community and economic development needs for low- to moderate-income individuals. This long-range plan is required by the U.S. Department of Housing and Urban Development (HUD) for receipt of Federal CDBG, HOME, ESG and HOPWA funds.

What is an Action Plan?

The Action Plan is a one-year plan a jurisdiction must submit to HUD describing how it will use its Federal CDBG, HOME, ESG and HOPWA money in the upcoming year to address the needs, priorities and goals set forth in the Consolidated Plan.

What Role Does the Public Play in Developing the Consolidated Plan?

Citizen Input: The law creating these federal programs require the city to conduct a public hearing to obtain citizens ideas on housing and community development needs in Augusta, Georgia for lower income persons and neighborhoods. To satisfy this requirement, HND will conduct a public hearing and three (3) public meetings as follows: Public Hearing:

Public Meetings:

March 22, 2004 - 6:00 PM Augusta-Richmond County Municipal Building Lee Beard Commission Chamber 530 Greene Street, 8th Floor, Room 803 Augusta, GA March 29, 2004 – 6:00 PM April 1, 2004 – 6:00 PM Tabernacle Baptist Church Henry Brigham Senior Center 1223 Laney-Walker Blvd.

2463 Golden Camp Road Augusta, GA Augusta, GA April 19, 2004 – 6:00 PM Mary Utley Community Center (Hyde Park area) 2024 Golden Rod Road Augusta, GA

Participation of all residents of Augusta, Georgia, including minorities and non-English speaking persons, as well as persons with mobility, visual or hearing impairments are encouraged to attend.

Persons desiring accommodations should contact Rose White at 821-1797.

In addition, a Pre-Application/Application “HOW TO APPLY” workshop will be held: March 19, 2004 – 9:00 AM to 12 Noon Augusta-Richmond County Health Department 950 Laney-Walker Boulevard Augusta, GA

$15 Minimum ASK ABOUT OUR DAILY COMBOS

Seven Fifty Six Sandwich Shoppe

For additional information, contact: Warren C. Smith, Director Housing and Neighborhood Development Department One 10th Street, Suite 430 Augusta, GA 30901 (706) 821-1797 TDD: 821-1797

756 Broad Street Phone & Fax: 823-1040

COLD BEER HAPPY HOUR 4-7 PM

By:

Bob Young Mayor

Willie H. Mays III Mayor Pro Tempore

Bobby Hankerson Admin. Svcs. Committee Chairman

25

SMOKING SECTION AVAILABLE

AUGUSTA-RICHMOND COUNTY COMMISSION

METRO SPIRIT - MARCH 11, 2004

THANK YOU

All Practice Rounds! and All Tournament Days!

Kids

Learning

Volunteers

Sports

Calendar Health

Education

Out of Town Music

Special

Benefits Meetings Theater Auditions Exhibitions Attractions MuseumsArts Seniors Dance Arts

Music AUGUSTA SYMPHONY ENCORE CHAMBER SERIES CONCERT will be held March 13, 8 p.m., at Unitarian Universalist Hall on Walton Way Extension. Tickets are $15 adults and $7.50 students. Visit www.augustasymphony.org or call 826-4705.

Auditions OPEN CASTING CALL for men, women and children interested in modeling in BOSS fashion show at Fort Gordon. Casting call date is March 18, 4-6 p.m., at Fort Gordon’s Signal Theatre.

For more information, call 791-3051, 791-8514 or 791-7862.

TRIO AUGUSTA performs at the March 14 installment of Music at the Morris. Program begins at 2 p.m. 724-7501.

ENOPION THEATRE COMPANY is looking for volunteers to act, sing, sew, build and more for their new musical, “Creation.”

Applications are available at www.imaryproductions.com or by calling (803) 442-9039.

CLEON MAULDIN MEMORIAL CONCERT 7 p.m. March 14 at the Maxwell Performing Arts Theatre. The Augusta Concert Band will perform. Free admission. For more information, visit www.augustaconcertband.org or call 7220077.

SWEET ADELINES HARMONY RIVER CHORUS OPEN REHEARSAL for singers each Thursday at 7 p.m. at Church of Christ, 600 Martintown Rd. in North Augusta. They are on the lookout for voices in the lower ranges. Contact Stacy Branch at 877-9931.

TODD AGNEW, with special guests Silers Bald and BarlowGirl, performs March 14, 7 p.m., at Wesley United Methodist Church. Tickets are $7. 869-0888.

SPRING CONCERTS AT THE COMMON are held the Augusta Common April 9 and May 1 from 7-9 p.m. For more information, call 821-1754.

AUGUSTA CHILDREN’S CHORALE is holding auditions on three Saturdays this spring, beginning in March. For more information, call 826-4718.

THE BEECH ISLAND HISTORICAL SOCIETY is looking for a couple to duplicate a wedding that took place on the Sandbar Ferry Bridge in 1924. Clothing, vintage automobile, media coverage, minister and music will be provided at no cost to the wedding couple. The Historical Society would like the groom to be from Georgia and the bride to be from South Carolina. For more information, contact Joan Harrison at (803) 827-3209 or The Beech Island Historical Society at (803) 867-3600.

DANCERS AND DRUMMERS SOUGHT for Teens in Action with Goals T.A.G. Team. Teens ages 13-18 welcome. For more information, call 796-6819.

Education “THE BUSINESS OF ART” CAREER DEVELOPMENT SEMINARS 6 p.m. March 23 and 30. March 23 session covers documenting artwork through traditional and digital photography; register by March 15. March 30 session covers contracts, copyright and intellectual property; register by March 22. Free admission. Call 722-5495.

ARIEL WINDS performs 8 p.m. March 16 at the Maxwell Performing Arts Theatre as part of the school’s Lyceum Series and the Harry Jacobs Chamber Music Society season. 737-1878.

BARLOWGIRL PERFORMS WITH TODD AGNEW AND SILERS BALD AT WESLEY UNITED METHODIST CHURCH MARCH 14.

GERTRUDE HERBERT INSTITUTE OF ART is accepting applications for tuition assistance for spring quarter classes through March 19. Spring quarter begins March 13. For more information, contact Amy Etheridge at 722-5495.

Exhibitions ART WERGER exhibits at the Mary Pauline Gallery through March 27. Call 724-9542.

“ANNE HEBEBRAND: CURRENT WORKS” on display at the Gertrude Herbert Institute of Art through March 12. Call 722-5495.

ART CLASSES AND WORKSHOPS are offered year-round at the Gertrude Herbert Institute of Art. Classes and workshops are open to toddlers through adults and feature instruction in drawing, painting, photography, pottery, weaving and sculpture. For a newsletter or detailed information on registering for classes at the Gertrude Herbert, call 722-5495. The Gertrude Herbert Institute of Art also offers educational tours; for information, contact the education director at the above telephone number.

AIKEN HIGH SCHOOL STUDENT ART SHOW at the upper gallery of the Etherredge Center in Aiken through April 5.

For more information, call (803) 641-3305.

METRO SPIRIT - MARCH 11, 2004

ISRAELI DANCE WORKSHOP at the Augusta Jewish Community Center Sunday afternoons, 4-5 p.m. Open to teens and adults; no experience or partners are necessary. Cost is $2 per session, with the first session free. For information or to schedule a pre-class beginner/refresher session, contact Jackie Cohen, 738-9016.

26

ART CLASSES FOR CHILDREN AND ADULTS at the Art Factory. The Art Factory also has a homeschool program and scholarships are available. Programs include painting, pottery, pilates, hip hop and modern dance and more. Classes are held at the Art Factory, 418 Crawford Ave., or at the Augusta Jewish Community Center. Call 731-0008 for details.

“TIME AND TIDE,” an exhibition of works by artist Wanda Steppe, will be on display through April 10 at the Rabold Gallery. For more information, call (803) 641-4405.

“RECENT ACQUISITIONS: AFRICAN-AMERICAN ART IN THE SOUTH” will run at the Morris Museum of Art through March 28. For more information, call 724-7501.

GRADUATING SENIORS ART EXHIBITION at ASU’s Fine Arts Gallery, March 15-April 30. Opening reception is 5:30 p.m.

March 18. Free. For more information, call 737-1878.

Dance THE AUGUSTA INTERNATIONAL FOLK DANCE CLUB meets Thursday evenings at 7:30 p.m. No partners are needed and newcomers are welcome. Call 737-6299 for location and info.

THE DANCES OF UNIVERSAL PEACE held the first Saturday of every month, 7-9 p.m., at the Unitarian Church of Augusta, honor the religious traditions of the world through song and movement. Call (803) 643-0460 for more information.

MATT WHITFORD will display art at the lower gallery through April 2. For more information, call (803) 6413305.

AUGUSTA CHAPTER OF THE UNITED STATES AMATEUR BALLROOM DANCERS ASSOCIATION holds a dance the first Saturday of each month, from 7:15-11 p.m. Cost is $7 for members and $10 for non-members. Held at the BPOE facility on Elkdom Court. Contact Melvis Lovett, 733-3890, or Jean Avery, 863-4186, for information.

RICHARD JOLLEY, sculptor of glass, will display works through May 9 at the Morris Museum of Art. For more information, call 724-7501.

DANCE LIKE THE PROS with ballroom dance lessons on Tuesdays, through April 6 from 7:30-8-30 p.m. at the H.O. Weeks Center. Call (803) 642-7631 for more information.

25TH ANNUAL AGNES MARKWALTER YOUTH ART COMPETITION to take place through March 28.

Competition will feature works from area public, private and home-school students. For more information, contact Amy Etheridge at 722-5495.

UNDER A CAJUN MOON, performed by the Augusta Ballet and featuring world renowned Lincoln Center Jazz Orchestra musicians Ted Nash and Wycliffe Gordon, will take place at the D. Timm’s Jazz Cafe on March 24 at 7 p.m. For more information, call 261-0555.

BLUE HIGHWAY, RALPH STANLEY AND THE CLINCH MOUNTAIN BOYS perform at the Imperial Theatre on March 21 at 7 p.m. Admission is $30. For more information, contact Tania Beasley-Jolly at 724-7501.

BOWFIRE 10 violinists who perform classical, jazz, bluegrass and other types of music, performs on March 19 at 8 p.m. at USC Aiken’s Etherredge Center. For more information, call (803) 641-3305.

CANDICE RUSSELL performs in concert at the USCA Music Facility on March 25 at 8 p.m. For more information, call (803) 641-3305.

ORCHESTRA SPRING GALA presented by Davidson Fine Arts School, will be presented on March 19 at 7 p.m. For more information, call 823-6924, ext. 118.

MUSIC FOR PIANO AND VIOLIN, performed by Artemesia Thevaos and Claire Murray, will be on March 23 at noon as part of Tuesday’s Music Live Series at Saint Paul’s Church.

For more information, call 722-3463.

“ZING! GO THE STRINGS” concert at ASU’s Maxwell Performing Arts Theatre on March 21 at 3 p.m. For more information, call 737-1878.

GUITARIST MANUEL BARRUECO will perform as part of ASU’s Masterworks Series on March 20 at 8 p.m. in the Maxwell Performing Arts Theatre. For more information, call 737-1453.

Theater RON “TATER SALAD” WHITE performs two comedy shows at Fort Gordon March 27, at 8 and 10:30 p.m. Proceeds benefit the Soldiers Morale Welfare and Recreation Fund. Tickets are $15, $20 and $25.

Call 793-8552 or visit www.fortgordon.com for reservations.

“MEMORIES OF THE KING” will be presented March 13 at Harlem High School to benefit the American Cancer Society.

Doors open at 6 p.m. and presentation starts at 7 p.m. Tickets are $15 in advance and $20 at the door. 556-6979.

JAMES GREGORY will perform at the Imperial Theatre March 12, 7:30 and 9:30 p.m. Tickets are $25. Call 722-8341.

“SEE HOW THEY RUN” will be at the Abbeville Opera House March 12-13, 19-20 and 26-27. Call (864) 459-2157 for ticket information.

“THE GIRLS ARE BACK IN TOWN” with Chonda Pierce and Sandi Patty at the Bell Auditorium has been postponed until March 29. Call 1-800-965-9324 for information and ticket prices.

SPECTRUM PLAYERS DRAMA PRODUCTION presented by Davidson Fine Arts School on March 4 and 5 at 4 p.m. in the Beverly J. Barnhart Theater. For more information, call 8236924, ext. 137.

“OKLAHOMA!,” presented by Aquinas High School, will be on March 20 at 7:30 p.m. and March 21 at 2 and 7:30 p.m. For more information, call 722-8341.

PUCCINI’S “SUOR ANGELICA,” presented by ASU Opera Workshop, will be on March 12 and 13 at 8 p.m. in the Maxwell Performing Arts Theater. For more information, call 667-4876.

Attractions MOTORIZED TOURS OF HISTORIC AIKEN every Saturday, 1011:30 a.m. Tours leave from the Washington Center for the Performing Arts. Reservations are required, and patrons must be age 2 and older. (803) 642-7631.

AUGUSTA CANAL INTERPRETIVE CENTER: Housed in Enterprise Mill, the center contains displays and models focusing on the Augusta Canal’s functions and importance to the textile industry. Hours are Mon.-Sat., 10 a.m.-6 p.m. and Sun., 1-6 p.m. Admission is $5 adult, $4 seniors and military and $3 children ages 6-18. Children under 6 admitted free.

Guided boat tours of the Augusta Canal depart from the docks at Enterprise Mill at 11 a.m., 1:30 p.m. and 3 p.m. Saturdays and Tuesdays and Thursdays at 11 a.m. and 1:30 p.m. Tour tickets are $6 adults, $5 seniors and $4 students and children.

For tour information, call 823-7089. For other info, visit www.augustacanal.com or call 823-0440.

Museums

THE BOYHOOD HOME OF WOODROW WILSON: Circa 1859 Presbyterian manse occupied by the family of President Woodrow Wilson as a child during the Civil War and Reconstruction. Original and period antiques, restored house, kitchen and carriage house. 419 Seventh Street. Open 10 a.m.-5 p.m., Tues.-Sat. Tours available; groups of 10 or more by appointment only. Admission is $5 adults, $4 seniors, $3 students under 18 and free for ages 5 and under. 722-9828.

MASTERWORKS OF SOUTHERN ART TOUR 3:30 p.m. March 14 at the Morris Museum of Art. Call 724-7501 for information.

AUGUSTA GOLF & BOTANICAL GARDENS OF THE GEORGIA GOLF HALL OF FAME features beautiful display gardens, as well as bronze sculptures of some of golf’s greatest masters.

Available for rent for a variety of functions. Group discount rates available. Closed Mondays; open from 9 a.m.-5 p.m.

Tues.-Sat.; open from 1-5 p.m. on Sunday. Admission is $5.50 for adults; $4.50 for students, seniors and military; $3.50 for children (4-12); free for children 3 and under. Sundays are two for one with a Super Sunday coupon. Annual garden memberships are available. Call 724-4443 or 1-888-874-4443. Also, visit their Web site at www.gghf.org.

NATIONAL SCIENCE CENTER’S FORT DISCOVERY: Children and adults alike can immerse themselves in the wonders of science through live demonstrations, virtual realities, Starlab, KidScape and more than 250 hands-on exhibits. General Admission: $8 for adults; $6 for children, seniors and active military. Group rates available. Operating hours: Mon.-Sat., 10 a.m.-5 p.m.; Sunday, noon-5 p.m. Call 821-0200, 1-800-3255445 or visit their Web site at www.NationalScienceCenter.org.

REDCLIFFE STATE HISTORIC SITE: 1859 mansion of S.C. Governor James Henry Hammond, held by the family for three generations until 1975. Grounds and slave quarters are open Thursday-Monday, 9 a.m.-6 p.m. House tours will be offered at 1, 2 and 3 p.m. Admission to the grounds is free. Fee for house tours is $3 for adults and children ages 6-17. For more information, call (803) 827-1473. 181 Redcliffe Road, Beech Island.

SACRED HEART CULTURAL CENTER is offering tours of its 100-year-old building. Mon.-Fri., 9 a.m.-5 p.m. $1 per person, children free. 826-4700.

HISTORIC COTTON EXCHANGE WELCOME CENTER: Open Mon.-Sat., 10 a.m.-6 p.m.; Sun. 1-5 p.m. Riverwalk. Free. Call 724-4067.

THE EZEKIEL HARRIS HOUSE: Deemed “the finest 18th century house surviving in Georgia” by the “Smithsonian Guide to Historic America.” Open Saturday, 10 a.m.-1 p.m. General admission is $2; senior admission is $1 and children get in for 50 cents. For more information, call 724-0436.

“TERRA COGNITA: CONTEMPORARY ARTISTS LECTURE SERIES” at the Morris Museum of Art on March 18 features artist Richard Jolley. Lecture begins at 7 p.m. Admission is free for Morris Museum members and university students and faculty with ID; $3 for adults; and $2 for seniors, military personnel and students. Call 724-7501.

ANTIQUES AND COLLECTIBLES APPRAISAL DAY March 13, 10 a.m.-5 p.m. at the Morris Museum of Art. Cost is $10 per item appraised; Morris Museum members pay $25 for three appraisals. Limit of six items. 724-7501.

THE GERTRUDE HERBERT INSTITUTE OF ART in Ware’s Folly exhibits works by local and regional artists. Art classes, workshops and other educational programming for children, youth and adults are held in the Walker-Mackenzie Studio. Open Tuesday-Friday, 10 a.m.-5 p.m. and Saturday by appointment only. Admission is free, but a donation of $2 for adults and $1 for children and seniors is encouraged. Call 722-5495 or visit www.ghia.org for more info.

THE AUGUSTA MUSEUM OF HISTORY hosts permanent exhibition “Augusta’s Story,” an award-winning exhibit encompassing 12,000 years of local history. For the younger crowd, there’s the Susan L. Still Children’s Discovery Gallery, where kids can learn about history in a hands-on environment. The museum also shows films in the History Theatre and hosts a variety of programs. Located at 560 Reynolds Street. Open Tuesday-Saturday, 10 a.m.-5 p.m. and Sunday 1-5 p.m. Admission is $4 adult, $3 seniors, $2 kids (6-18 years of age) and free for children under 6. Free admission on Sundays. Call 722-8454 or visit www.augustamuseum.org for more information.

THE MORRIS MUSEUM OF ART hosts exhibitions and special events year-round. Open Tuesday-Saturday, 10 a.m.-5 p.m. and Sundays, noon-5 p.m. Closed on Mondays and major holidays. 1 Tenth Street, Augusta. Call 724-7501 or visit www.themorris.org for details.

THE MUSEUM OF LAUREL AND HARDY OF HARLEM, GEORGIA features displays of various Laurel and Hardy memorabilia; films also shown. Located at 250 N. Louisville Street in downtown Harlem. Open 1-4 p.m. Thursday-Monday. For more information, call 556-3448.

LUNCH AT NOON LECTURE SERIES held the second Wednesday of every month at the Lucy Craft Laney Museum of Black History, 11:30 a.m.-12:30 p.m. Call the museum at 724-3576 for more information.

Special Events MEET THE AUTHOR PROGRAM at ASU March 24 features Marsha Maurer. Held at noon on the second floor of the Reese Library. Free and open to the public. For information, contact Mellie Kerins at 667-4912 or mkerins@aug.edu.

WOMEN’S HISTORY MONTH PROGRAM 1:30 p.m. March 23 in Alexander Hall at Fort Gordon. Free and open to the public.

Call 791-2014.

SANDHILLS WRITERS CONFERENCE begins March 18, 11 a.m., in Room 101 of Galloway Hall at Augusta State University. Free reading for the public 10 p.m. at Le Café du Teau. Free readings on March 19 and awards presentation March 20. 737-1500.

PEACE RALLY AND CANDLELIGHT VIGIL March 20 at the Army Reserve office at Wrightsboro and North Leg Roads.

Peace rally will be held from noon-1 p.m. and candlelight vigil will be held from 7-9 p.m. Participants may bring signs, poetry and the names of loved ones. Call 736-4738 for additional information.

“WINGED MIGRATION” will be shown 7 p.m. March 15 in Butler Lecture Hall as part of the Augusta State University Film Series. 737-1444.

AUGUSTA SHOWCASE, an economic development campaign to market the area to potential business residents, will soon be underway. The Augusta Metro Chamber of Commerce is giving presentations on the effort; contact Tammy Stout, 722-8326, ext. 2, to schedule a speaker for your club or civic group.

“SUCCESS COLUMBIA COUNTY STYLE” networking event presented by the Columbia County Chamber of Commerce will be held March 15 at the University Hospital Medical Office Building in Evans. Free to chamber members and $5 for nonmembers. Reservations are requested; contact Terra Carroll at 651-0018.

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METRO SPIRIT - MARCH 11, 2004

The Wellness and Weight Loss Center

The Wellness and Weight Loss Center

Become an anonymous egg donor! Ovations is seeking healthy, educated women between the ages of 18-31, living in or going to college in the Aiken-Augusta area.

Suitable donors will be compensated in the sum of $5,000

GREYHOUND MEET AND GREET with GreytHound Love Greyhound Adoption March 13, 11 a.m.-3 p.m. at PetsMart.

For more information, visit www.greythoundlove.org or call Jeanne McGee, 796-1708.

GEM, MINERAL AND FOSSIL SHOW March 12-14 at Julian Smith Casino. Admission is $3. Contact Constance Barrow of the Aiken and Augusta Gem and Mineral Societies at 547-0178 for information.

JOHN TUTTLE comes to USC-Aiken March 16 as part of the James Oswald Distinguished Writers Series. Held 8 p.m. at the Etherredge Center. (803) 641-3305.

ST. PATRICK’S DAY CELEBRATION March 17, 11 a.m.-10 p.m. at Augusta Common. Live entertainment, children’s activities, dance demonstrations and more. Call 821-1754.

MCDUFFIE FRIENDS OF ANIMALS holds pet adoptions each Saturday, 1-3 p.m. at Superpetz on Bobby Jones Expressway.

Call 556-9090 or visit www.petfinder.com.

COLUMBIA COUNTY HUMANE SOCIETY holds pet adoptions every Saturday from 11 a.m.-3 p.m. and every Sunday from 1-4 p.m. at PetsMart. For more info, call 860-5020.

RICHMOND COUNTY ANIMAL CONTROL AND AUGUSTA ANIMAL RESCUE FRIENDS hold pet adoptions at Superpetz off Bobby Jones Expressway every Sunday from 1-4 p.m.

Call AARF at 364-4747 or visit www.aarf.net. Adoptions also held at the Richmond County Animal Control Shelter, Tues.Sun., 1-5 p.m. Call the shelter at 790-6836.

THE CSRA HUMANE SOCIETY holds pet adoptions every Saturday from 10 a.m.-4 p.m. and every Wednesday evening from 5:30-7:30 p.m. at the Pet Center located behind the GreenJackets Stadium on Milledge Rd. 261-PETS. MOLLY’S MILITIA, a pet adoption agency, meets each Saturday at Superpetz in Aiken from 11 a.m.-3 p.m., Petsmart in Aiken from 3-6:30 p.m., and Petsmart in Augusta from 4:30-7:30 p.m. For more information, call (803) 279-7003.

HEADQUARTERS LIBRARY FILM SERIES shows “A Touch of Evil” on March 15. Show times are at 6:30 p.m. and admission is free. For more information, call 821-2600.

4TH ANNUAL TRIPLE CROWN STREET FAIR celebrates Aiken’s rich equine heritage on March 19 from 6-11 p.m. at the Newberry Street Festival Center. Call (803) 642-7631 for more information.

MCG HEALTH SYSTEM CAREER FAIR to be on March 23, from 5-7 p.m. at MCG’s main conference center, room BT1810. All nurses interested in a career at MCG are welcome.

For more information, contact Marcy Davis at 721-4458.

SACRED HEART GARDEN FESTIVAL takes place March 19-21 in the Great Hall of the Sacred Heart Cultural Center. For more information, call 826-4700.

Out of Town TOO MARVELOUS FOR WORDS: THE WORK OF JOHNNY MERCER will be presented on March 24 at 7:30 at the Georgia Music Hall of Fame in Macon. For more information, call (888) GA-ROCKS. AT THE GEORGIA MUSEUM OF ART in Athens, Ga.: “Myths and Metaphors: The Art of Leo Twiggs” through March 28, “Leaving for the Country: George Bellows at Woodstock” through May 16, and “Landscape and Laughter: British Watercolors from the West Foundation Collection” through April 1. Visit www.uga.edu/gamuseum or call (706) 542-4662 for info.

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METRO SPIRIT - MARCH 11, 2004

“WHO’S AFRAID OF VIRGINIA WOOLF?” March 17-April 18 at the Alliance Theatre Company’s Alliance Stage in Atlanta.

(404) 733-5000.

AT THE HIGH MUSEUM OF ART in Atlanta: “The Undiscovered Richard Meier: The Architect as Designer and Artist” through April 4; “Flashes of Memory: Paintings by Linda Anderson” through March 20; “Glories of Ancient Egypt,” March 13-Sept. 19; and “African Gold From the Glassell Collection,” March 13-Sept. 19.

There will also be an African Film Showcase Fridays at 8 p.m. throughout March. Call (404) 733-HIGH or visit www.high.org for information.

“LEAP” makes its world premiere through April 11 on the Hertz Stage in Atlanta. Call (404) 733-5000 for ticket info.

“A MIDSUMMER NIGHT’S DREAM,” presented by the New American Shakespeare Tavern in Atlanta, will run through April 4.

For more information, call (404) 874-5299.

CIRQUE DU SOLEIL’S “ALEGRIA” opens in Atlanta at Cumberland Galleria on March 25. For more information or to buy tickets, call 1-800-678-5440 or visit www.cirquedusoleil.com.

SAVANNAH MUSIC FESTIVAL to take place March 21-April 4 and will feature 89 musical performances. For more information or tickets, contact Sandy Traub at (912) 234-3378 or visit www.savannahmusicfestival.org.

“AN EVENING WITH STRANGER MALONE” at the Georgia Music Hall of Fame in Macon on March 22 at 7 p.m. For more information, contact Jessica Walden-Grimer at (478) 750-8555.

ST. PATRICK’S DAY in Columbia’s Five Points area will feature musicians Blake Shelton, Tantric and Original P (Parliament’s band) on March 20, starting at 8 a.m. For more information, call (803) 748-8555.

Benefits HIV/AIDS WALK begins 8 a.m. March 13 at the Lucy Craft Laney Museum. There will be a brief program after the walk. A voter registration drive will also be held. For more information, contact Kim Gaines, 738-4597, or Monique Walker, 722-4222.

BINGO BLAST to benefit the Jud C. Hickey Center for Alzheimer’s Care March 12, 2-4 p.m., at Elmcroft of Martinez Assisted Living.

Call 855-6565 or 738-5039 for information.

“AN EVENING IN MONTE CARLO” will be held by the Augusta Junior Women’s Club March 13 to benefit area charities. Held at the Bel Air Conference Center. Tickets are $50 per couple or $35 per individual. Call 869-8936.

ST. PATRICK’S DAY BENEFIT DINNER March 13, 7 p.m., at Vineyard Café to benefit Mercy Ministries Day Center for the Homeless and the Children’s Program at Allen Homes. Call 8631464.

AUGUSTA BALLET MERCEDES RAFFLE: The Augusta Ballet will raffle off a 2004 Mercedes CLK 320 Cabriolet during May’s First Friday celebration. Tickets are $100 each and may be purchased through the Ballet office at 261-0555.

AUGUSTA-RICHMOND COUNTY ANIMAL CONTROL is in need of dog and cat food, cat litter and other pet items, as well as monetary donations to help pay for vaccinations. Donations accepted during regular business hours, Tues.-Sun., 1-5 p.m. at the shelter, 4164 Mack Lane. Call 790-6836 for information.

ALZHEIMER’S ASSOCIATION OF AUGUSTA ANNUAL GOLF TOURNAMENT to take place on March 22 at 1 p.m. at The River Golf Club. For more information, call 731-9060.

Learning USC-AIKEN CONTINUING EDUCATION offers Paralegal Certificate Course, Taming the Wild Child, Conversational French, Italian, Spanish for the Beginner, Sign Language, Debt-Free Living and more. Travelearn learning vacations for adults and Education to Go online courses also available. For info, phone (803) 641-3563.

CULLUM LECTURE SERIES, “South Asia: On a Tryst With Destiny,” continues on March 15, Nritaya Malika will perform in the Maxwell Performing Arts Theater from 7:30-9, and on March 18, there will be an International Festival. On March 25, Dr. Jacob Abadi will lecture on “The British and Muslim League” at 11:30 a.m. and “The British and the Indian National Congress” at 7 p.m. Visit www.aug.edu/library/cullum2004 or call Michael Bishku, 737-1709, or Jeff Heck, 6674905.

AUGUSTA STATE UNIVERSITY CONTINUING EDUCATION is now offering the following classes: Shag, Ballroom, Line Dance, Beginning and Intermediate Language courses, Interior Design, Acting Workshop, Stained Glass, SAT Review, Power Yoga, Photography, Origami and more. Also, ASU offers online courses. For more information, call 737-1636 or visit www.ced.aug.edu.

AIKEN TECH CONTINUING EDUCATION offers the following courses: computer technology courses, healthcare courses, contractor programs, real estate courses and more. Aiken Tech also offers Education to Go classes online. For more information or to register, call (803) 593-9231, ext. 1230.

AUGUSTA BRAIN INJURY SUPPORT GROUP meets the second Thursday of every month, 6 p.m., at Walton West TLC. Brain injury survivors and their family members and caregivers are invited to attend. 737-9300.

CHRONIC PAIN SUPPORT GROUP meets the first Thursday of every month, 10:30-11:30 a.m. at Walton Rehabilitation Hospital. 823-5294.

WALTON REHABILITATION HOSPITAL AMPUTEE CLINIC for new and experienced prosthetic users meets the third Thursday of each month, 1-3 p.m. 722-1244.

WALTON REHABILITATION HOSPITAL offers a number of health programs, including Fibromyalgia Aquatics, Water Aerobics, Wheelchair and Equipment Clinics, Therapeutic Massage, Yoga, Acupuncture, Children’s Medical Services Clinic, Special Needs Safety Seat Loaner Program., Focus on Healing exercise class for breast cancer survivors and more.

Call 823-5294 for information.

DIET COUNSELING CLASSES for diabetics and those with high cholesterol at CSRA Partners in Health, 1220 Augusta West Parkway. Free. Call 860-3001 for class schedule.

UNIVERSITY HEALTH CARE SYSTEM COMMUNITY EDUCATION holds workshops, seminars and classes on a variety of topics: weight and nutrition, women’s health, cancer, diabetes, seniors’ health and more. Support groups and health screenings are also offered. Call 736-0847 for details.

PHINIZY SWAMP NATURE PARK FAMILY DISCOVERY SERIES will educate families about turtles on March 18 at 6 p.m. For more information, call 828-2129.

Kids

GED classes are offered by the Community Resource Center.

Tuition is free. Call 722-4999 for more information.

DORA THE EXPLORER LIVE March 16-17 at the Bell Auditorium. Tickets are $14-$37. Call 722-3521 for info.

SERVICE CORPS OF RETIRED EXECUTIVES (SCORE) provides counseling and mentoring to business people either starting or continuing their business. Counseling is free and administered by retired executives. For more information, call 793-9998.

CHILDREN’S PERFORMANCE SERIES: GLASS BLOWING DEMONSTRATION March 13 at the Morris Museum of Art. Program held from 2-4 p.m. 724-7501.

“ATTENTION DEFECIT HYPERACTIVITY DISORDER: ASK THE EXPERT,” seminar by William E. Pelman, Ph.D., will take place at the MCG Children’s Medical Center, room BT 1810 on March 11 from 3-4:30 p.m.

“BETTER BRAINS FOR BABIES,” a class in the “Better Living in Augusta” series, will take place on March 11 from 6:30-8 p.m. at MCG’s Children’s Medical Center, room BT 1810. For more information, call 721-5437.

READY TO LEARN continues in the “Wee Wisdom” series on March 25 from noon-1 p.m. Nancy Webb of the MCG Department of Pediatrics will speak. For more information, call 721-5437.

Health

FAMILY FUNDAY March 14 at the Augusta Canal Interpretive Center. From 2-4 p.m., children will learn the basics of weaving by making potholders. Children receive free admission with a paid adult. 823-7089.

“THE LITTLE RED HEN” will be presented March 18 at 9, 10 and 11 a.m. at the Maxwell Performing Arts Theatre. Tickets are $3 per person and seating is on a first come, first served basis. Contact the ASU Born to Read Literacy Center at 7337043 for information.

CHILD SAFETY SEAT INSPECTIONS by SAFE KIDS of East Central Georgia and the MCG Children’s Medical Center on the first Wed. and Fri. of each month, by appointment only. To make an appointment or for more information, call 651-9300 (Wed. appointments) or 721-KIDS (Fri. appointments). SAFE KIDS also sponsors car seat installation education workshops; the next is March 15, 9-11 a.m., at the MCG Children’s Medical Center. Call 721-KIDS.

SHEPEARD COMMUNITY BLOOD CENTER BLOOD DRIVES in various locations around the CSRA this month. For detailed information on locations and times to donate, visit www.shepeardblood.org. You may also call Susan Edwards at (803) 643-7996 for information on Aiken locations and Nancy Szocinski at 737-4551 for information on all other locations.

MCG HEALTH SYSTEM/AMERICAN RED CROSS FAMILY HEALTH FAIR will be held March 13, 8 a.m.-2 p.m. in the gymnasium of Abilene Baptist Church. Free health screenings, information, children’s activities and more. For additional information, visit www.MCGHealth.org.

AIKEN COUNTY PONY CLUB meets weekly. Open to children of all ages who participate or are interested in equestrian sports. For more information, contact Lisa Smith at (803) 649-3399.

AMERICAN RED CROSS BLOOD DRIVES at the Aiken Red Cross Blood Center on Millbrook Drive and the Augusta Red Cross Blood Center on Pleasant Home Road. The bloodmobile will also stop at various area locations this week. For a complete list, call the Aiken Blood Center at (803) 642-5180 or the Augusta Blood Center at 868-8800.

ANGELS HAVE WHEELS: Medicare recipients suffering from conditions such as arthritis, cardiovascular disease and respiratory disorders who have difficulty walking or propelling a standard wheelchair may be eligible to receive an electric wheelchair. For information on eligibility, call Gregory at 1800-810-2877.

GIRLS INCORPORATED OF THE CSRA AFTER-SCHOOL PROGRAM runs through May 21. Open to girls currently enrolled in kindergarten through high school. In addition to offering specialized programs, Girls Incorporated offers van pick-up at select schools, neighborhood drop-off, homework room and a hot evening meal. For information, call 733-2512.

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On March 28th, the 2001, 2002, 2003 International Bluegrass Music Association vocal group of the year - Doyle Lawson and Quicksilver along with local favorite Flo Carter & her family band!

METRO SPIRIT - MARCH 11, 2004 29

WEEKLY STORY SESSIONS at all branch libraries. Visit www.ecgrl.public.lib.ga.us for more information.

information, contact Lisa Simpson, (803) 463-9888 or 869-0205.

FIRST SATURDAY STORYTELLING at the Lucy Craft Laney Museum. In addition, there is a tour of the museum. Held 10 a.m.-noon the first Saturday of the month. Call 724-3576.

COURT APPOINTED SPECIAL ADVOCATE PROGRAM VOLUNTEER TRAINING: The CASA program is looking for volunteers 21 years of age and older to advocate for abused and neglected children in the juvenile court system. Volunteers need no experience and will be provided with specialized training. Call 737-4631.

STORYTIME IN THE GARDENS will take place Tuesdays at 4 p.m. in March and May in Hopeland Gardens. For more information, call (803) 642-7631.

CSRA HUMANE SOCIETY NEW VOLUNTEER ORIENTATION PROGRAM the third Saturday of every month at the Pet Center, 425 Wood St. Orientation starts at 11 a.m. Volunteers under 18 years of age must have a parent or guardian present during orientation and while volunteering. Call 261-PETS for information.

WEE WISDOM, an educational program for children under 5, presents “The First Years Last Forever” on March 11, “Encouraging Language for Children with Special Needs” on March 18 and “Ready to Learn” on March 25. All lectures are from noon-1 p.m. in the Resource Library on the first floor of the Children’s Medical Center. For more information or to register, call 721-5437.

THE KITTY ORTIZ DE LEON FOUNDATION needs volunteers to help promote organ donor awareness. For more information, contact Cassandra Reed or Espy De Leon at 394-0838 or kodfoundation@aol.com.

PAR FITNESS YOUTH GOLF PROGRAM will run for six weeks on Saturdays beginning March 20. The program will be from 10 a.m.-1 p.m. For more information, contact Kenya Barry at 733-1030.

CAMP TANGLEWOOD OPEN HOUSE to be on March 13 from 9 a.m.-noon. Camp Tanglewood offers horse programs, swimming, archery, crafts and sports for girls ages 5-17. For more information or directions, call 774-0505.

Seniors AARP TAX ASSISTANCE provided through April 13 at Friedman Branch Library on Thursdays, 9 a.m.-1 p.m.; Maxwell Branch Library Tuesdays and Fridays, 10 a.m.-2 p.m.; and at the Gibbs Memorial Library Tuesdays, 10 a.m.-2 p.m. Call the Friedman Branch at 736-6758, the Maxwell Branch at 793-2020 or the Gibbs Memorial Library at 8631946 for more information.

UNIVERSITY SENIORS CLUB has moved to a new location at 4106 Columbia Rd. University Seniors Club offers health screenings, support groups, health education classes and social activities. For more information, call 868-3231 or 1800-413-6652.

HOME-BASED CARE available for low- to mid-income families seeking alternatives to nursing home placement. To participate, individuals must be aged 60 or up or must have disability status as defined by Social Security Administration guidelines. Applicants must also meet program income guidelines. For more information, contact the CSRA Area Agency on Aging at 210-2018 or 1-888-922-4464.

WALTON REHABILITATION HOSPITAL offers Arthritis Aquatics and People With Arthritis Can Exercise. Call 8235294 for information.

SENIOR VOLUNTEERS NEEDED for the new visitor center at Phinizy Swamp Nature Center to greet visitors, hand out literature and sell merchandise. Volunteers are asked to commit one Saturday or Sunday per month, 9 a.m.-1 p.m. or 1-5 p.m. Call 828-2109 for information.

AIKEN PARKS AND RECREATION offers a multitude of programs for senior adults, including bridge clubs, fitness classes, canasta clubs, line dancing, racquetball, arts and crafts, tennis and excursions. For more information, call (803) 6427631.

THE ACADEMY FOR LIFELONG LEARNING offers lectures, courses, field trips, discussion groups and community information seminars on a variety of topics to mature adults. For more information, contact the USC-Aiken Office of Continuing Education at (803) 641-3288.

THE SENIOR CITIZENS COUNCIL OF GREATER AUGUSTA AND THE CSRA offers a variety of classes, including ballroom dance, aerobics, quilting, tai chi, Spanish, line dancing, bowling, bridge, computers, drama club/readers theatre and pinochle. For dates and times, phone 826-4480.

SENIORNET provides adults age 50 and over education for and access to computer technology. Many different courses are offered. Contact the USC-Aiken Continuing Education Office at (803) 641-3563.

METRO SPIRIT - MARCH 11, 2004

SENIOR VOLUNTEERS NEEDED for new Docent Training Program at the historic home of Nicholas Ware. Learn the fascinating history of Ware’s Folly and the families who lived there. All interested should call 722-5495.

Sports

AUGUSTA BMX RACE March 13 at the Wood Street BMX track. Practice and registration 6:30-7:30 p.m. and racing begins at 8 p.m. Open practice held every Friday night, 79 p.m. For more information, call Phillip Hart, 592-5404.

30

AIKEN TRIALS March 13. Tickets are $8 in advance or $10 the day of the race. To charge by phone, call (803) 278-4TIX.

JAMES GREGORY BRINGS COMEDY TO THE IMPERIAL THEATRE MARCH 12.

CLOVERLEAF DUATHLON March 13 at the Family Y Marshall Branch. For more information, contact Donna Pope, 364-3269.

THE HARLEM GLOBETROTTERS will be at the AugustaRichmond County Civic Center March 12, 7:30 p.m.

Tickets are $13-$41. Call 722-3521.

THE AUGUSTA LYNX play home games March 13-14, 19-21 and April 1. For tickets, call 724-4423 or visit www.augustalynx.com.

FAMILY Y YOUTH SPORTS REGISTRATIONS for soccer school, flag football and flag football cheer squad through March 12. 738-6680.

FAMILY Y YOUTH SOCCER REGISTRATION through March 12 at Southside Branch. Call 738-6678, 3643669 or 738-6680 for details.

FAMILY Y RECREATIONAL GYMNASTICS session held through May 14. Classes available for toddlers through teens. Call 738-6678.

THE AUGUSTA VOLLEYBALL ASSOCIATION is looking for new members. For more information, visit www.augustavolleyball.com.

THE AUGUSTA RUGBY CLUB is always looking for new members. Teams available for men and women; no experience necessary. Practice is Tuesday and Thursday nights, from 6:30-8:30 p.m. at Richmond Academy. For more information, call Bob Nelson at 860-3072 or email playrugby@augustarugby.org.

VOLLEYBALL OPEN GYM will be held Wednesday nights in March and April in the H.O. Weeks Center from 7-9:15 p.m. For more information, call (803) 642-7631.

AUGUSTA FLYERS TRACK CLUB invites area youth ages 7-18 to join the team. Registration is through May 15; practice begins March 13. For more information, contact George Taylor at 738-3737.

HOCKEY SCHOOL CLINICS AND LEAGUE, sponsored by the Family Y, are to take place all throughout March for ages 4-6, 7-12 and teens. For more information, contact Donna Pope at 364-3269.

VOLLEYBALL CLASSES FOR KIDS take place on Mondays through April 19 from 6-7:30 p.m. at the H.O. Weeks Center in Aiken. Call (803) 642-7631 for more information.

SPRING SOFTBALL ROSTERS DUE for Citizens Park leagues on March 17. For more information, call (803) 642-7761.

FAMILY Y YOUTH BASEBALL registration for children 4-12 is scheduled March 22-April 3 at the Wheeler Branch from 8 a.m.-8 p.m. For more information, call 738-6678.

FAMILY Y EASTER EGG-STRAVAGANZA to take place at Camp Lakeside on Camp Thurmond March 22-26 and March 29-April 2, at 10 or 11:15 a.m. For more details including a full schedule of events, contact Scott Rouse at 359-2153.

Volunteer FORTE INTERNATIONAL EXCHANGE ASSOCIATION is in need of local host families for high school international exchange students for the 2004-2005 school year. For more information, contact Tracy Klemens, (678) 3585890.

THE EARNED INCOME TAX CREDIT COALITION is looking for volunteers with basic computer skills to prepare tax returns for individuals with low and limited income, individuals with disabilities, non-English speaking persons and elderly taxpayers. Volunteers receive free training and instruction materials from the IRS and will serve at VITA sites throughout the community. For more information, contact Sheryl Silva, 826-4480, ext. 341.

AUGUSTA/CSRA HABITAT FOR HUMANITY needs volunteers at ReStore, Walton Way and Tenth Street, to assist with receiving donations of new and used building and home improvement materials and warehousing them for sale to the public. The store is open Thursday-Saturday year-round. If you can commit eight or more hours per month, contact Steve Buck, 364-7637.

MENTORS AND VOLUNTEERS needed to provide support for MACH Academy at the May Park Community Center and the Fleming Tennis Center. Education, tutoring and technology sessions held Monday-Thursday, 3-6 p.m. at each location. Tennis instruction and fitness activities held Monday-Thursday, 6-7 p.m. at May Park and Monday-Tuesday, 6-8 p.m., Friday, 6-8 p.m. and Saturday, 2-5 p.m. at the Fleming Center. 796-5046.

FOSTER PARENTS NEEDED for children and teenagers in Richmond County. For information, contact Luera Lewis, 721-3718.

PHINIZY SWAMP NATURE PARK VISITOR CENTER is in need of volunteers to greet visitors, hand out literature and sell merchandise. Volunteers must commit to one Saturday or Sunday each month, from either 9 a.m.-1 p.m. or 1-5 p.m. 828-2109.

UNITED HOSPICE OF AUGUSTA is in need of volunteers to support terminally ill patients. Scheduling and training times are flexible. Call Donna Harrell at 650-1522 for information.

THE ARTISTS’ CONSERVATORY THEATRE OF THE CSRA is looking for volunteer board members, actors and production crew. Call 556-9134 or e-mail act@theatermail.net.

SERVICE CORPS OF RETIRED EXECUTIVES (SCORE) provides counseling and mentoring to businesspeople starting up a new business or expanding an ongoing business. Services are provided free of charge. For more information, call the Augusta office at 793-9998.

SOUTHERNCARE HOSPICE SERVICE is currently seeking volunteers to perform a variety of tasks, including relieving caregivers, reading to patients and running errands. Training is included. For additional

GOLDEN HARVEST FOOD BANK needs volunteers during the day, from 8:30 a.m.-4 p.m. Monday-Friday, to help sort donated products and assist in their agency shopping area. Help is needed year-round. If you are able to lift 25 pounds, can commit to at least 3-4 hours per month and would like to help fight hunger in the Augusta area, contact Laurie Roper at 736-1199, ext. 208.

AUGUSTA-RICHMOND COUNTY ANIMAL CONTROL: New volunteer orientation is scheduled the first Saturday of each month at 1 p.m. at the shelter, 4164 Mack Lane. Schedule subject to change; call 7906836 to verify dates and times.

SHEPEARD COMMUNITY BLOOD CENTER is seeking donors to prevent a blood supply shortage. To donate call 737-4551, 854-1880 or (803) 643-7996.

RICHMOND COUNTY DEPARTMENT OF FAMILY AND CHILDREN SERVICES is seeking dependable foster parents to provide temporary housing, care and support for Georgia’s children. For more information, contact L. Lewis at 721-3718.

Meetings AMERICAN SINGLES GOLF ASSOCIATION meets the 2nd Thursday of each month at different area restaurants. Meeting is free, but dinners are individually ordered. For more information, call (803) 441-6741.

CANOE AND KAYAK CLUB OF AUGUSTA meets the 4th Tuesday of each month at 7 p.m. at the Warren Road Community Center. For more information, call 860-5432.

JOHN BIRCH SOCIETY OF AUGUSTA civic advocacy meeting is every 3rd Saturday from 10-12 a.m. at Friedman Branch Library. For more information, contact Tonio at 373-3772.

IDRUM2U DRUM CIRCLE meets on the 3rd Monday of each month at the Not Gaddy Drum and Piano Studio.

For more information, call 228-3200.

METRO AUGUSTA FRISBEE DOG CLUB meets on the last Sunday of each month. Locations are determined between meetings. For more information, call 2108577.

CSRA LINUX USERS GROUP meets on the 4th Tuesday of each month at 6 p.m. at Borders Books.

For more information, call 790-8439.

AUGUSTA GEM AND MINERAL SOCIETY meets each 3rd Friday at 7:30 in the Georgia Military College building on Davis Rd. For more information, call 5470178.

SELF HELP FOR HARD OF HEARING PEOPLE meets March 15 at 6 p.m. at First Baptist Church on Walton Way, room 100. For more information, contact Dave Welter at 738-2796.

GUIDELINES: Public service announcements are listed in this section without charge at the discretion of the editor. Announcements must be received by Monday at noon and will be included as space permits. Send to Events, Metro Spirit, P.O. Box 3809, Augusta, GA 30914 or fax (706) 733-6663. You may also e-mail listings to rhonda.jones@metrospirit.com or lisa.jordan@metrospirit.com. Listings cannot be taken over the phone.

Bomb Epic

Hollywood

Flix Must-See

Boring

Comedy Sleeper Oscar Pick Director Stars This Rocks Famous Silly

Masterpiece

Awesome

Action

Agent Cody Banks 2: Destination London (PG) — As if once wasn’t enough. Frankie Muniz is back as the title character. Agent Cody is faced with infiltrating … the seat of an enemy government? No. The top-secret hideout of a supervillain? No. A government think-tank gone wrong? No, no and no again. Our little Cody is sneaking into a hosh-posh boarding school so that he can track down a stolen (and top-secret, of course) mind-control device. To make matters almost interesting, the enemy he’s tracking is his old trainer. Oh, and there’s some female eye-candy as well. Does that make her a “Banks girl”? Well, peeps, he’s no James Bond, but then we weren’t expecting him to be, were we?

Cast: Frankie Muniz, Anthony Anderson, Hannah Spearritt, Keith Allen, Anna Chancellor, Keith David, James Faulkner, Daniel Roebuck, Cynthia Stevenson, Connor Widdows.

Along Came Polly (PG-13) — Ben Stiller has pungent moments of frenzy as insurance risk appraiser Reuben Feffer, panicked in the powder room of Polly (Jennifer Aniston), desperate for some paper and reduced to using her favorite new toiletry utensil. But the script could use a few extra flushes. He wants to impress Polly, ace Village gal whom Aniston sustains with her special combo of daffy-chick looseness and wisecracking sense. The movie is best when they're on-screen, fidgeting with romance.

"Along Came Polly" has, by current standards of gofor-it mall comedy, regularity. You can laugh or wince or do both in sync, but you'd have to invoke the standards of a previous era to get genuinely offended by it (to be deeply amused,

you'd need no standards). Cast: Ben Stiller, Jennifer Aniston, Philip Seymour Hoffman, Alec Baldwin, Bryan Brown, Debra Messing, Hank Azaria. Running time: 1 hr., 30 mins. (Elliott) !!

Bad Santa (R) — For very jaded kids and adults already sick of the holiday season but needing a cup of bile nog. If that is you, there is amusing alienation from Billy Bob Thornton as an alcoholic thief and cranky department store Santa, Tony Cox as his rancid "elf" and Bernie Mac, Cloris Leachman, the late John Ritter, directed with zip plot but a jingle of crass flippancy by Terry "Crumb" Zwigoff. Running time: 1 hr., 33 mins. (Elliott) !!1/2

Barbershop 2: Back in Business (PG-13) — Ice Cube runs the

a ky rs ta “S

roots-deep Calvin Jr.'s Barbershop on Chicago's Southside. Again, more talk rises than hair falls, though the scissors team from the 2002 hit have a new worry, a slick rival across the way. The best laughs come from Cedric the Entertainer as Eddie, with a broad beam and a do to match. Eddie isn't quite so rife with the riffs that won the first movie a little notoriety, but gets into a fine lip-off with the big beautician from down the street (Queen Latifah, offering an appetizer of her upcoming "Beauty Shop"). As long as it is simply being a barbershop, the gab has a razor-cut charm. Running time: 1 hr., 40 mins. (Elliott) !!1/2 stars.

The Big Bounce (PG-13) — Owen Wilson is surfin' driftwood Jack, Sara Foster as the Oahu orchid who lures him into more than his usual petty crimes, Gary Sinise as the rich ape who keeps her as a mistress, and Morgan Freeman as Walter, the sly beachnik and owner of funky bungalows. Nancy wants Jack to skim the cash of shady developer Ray (Sinise), while his stooge (Charlie Sheen) schleps and fumbles, panting for Nancy. Freeman's Walter observes all, smiles with cobra savvy, makes even the unflapped Jack nervous. This comedy tries for some suspense, jokingly. The climax comes as a shrug and a blur, with the feeling of outtakes hashed together. Even when the plot curves into flip resolution, there is a tone of dismissal, which is a poor way to treat an audience.

Cast: Owen Wilson, Morgan Freeman, Sara Foster, Charlie Sheen, Harry Dean Stanton, Willie Nelson, Gary Sinise. Running time: 1 hr., 37 mins.

(Elliott) !!

utch” nd H

Latest Disney animated offering about a young man, Kenai, who is transformed by The Great Spirits into a bear.

On a quest to gain back his human form, Kenai befriends a bear cub, Koda, and evades his human brother, who, not realizing Kenai has

RATINGS !!!! — Excellent

been turned into a bear, is on Kenai’s trail on a revenge mission.Cast: Jeremy Suarez, Joaquin Phoenix, Rick Moranis, Dave Thomas.

feet. 1 hr., 34 mins. (Elliott) !

Dirty Dancing: Havana Nights (PG-13) — The

Catch That Kid (PG) — The film is an English-language remake of a Danish kids’ movie.

12-year-old Maddy and her father are avid mountain climbers, but an accident on Mount Everest leaves Maddy’s father paralyzed. His only chance at recovery is an expensive operation, so Maddy recruits two friends to break into a bank and steal enough money to cover the expense of the surgery. Cast: Kristen Stewart, Corbin Bleu, Jennifer Beals, Sam Robards.

Cheaper by the Dozen (PG) — To make an old (1950) Clifton Webb comedy without Clifton Webb is a serious loss, but getting Steve Martin — a vanilla-shaked version of Webb's snappish fussiness — is not a bad idea for "Cheaper By the Dozen."

He's engaging as Tom Baker, football coach and father of 12 kids. Bonnie Hunt plays the wife and mom, Kate, looking awfully good despite the wear. The Bakers have a great life in a small town where Tom coaches, but he's hired to go to a bigger team outside Chicago, and the only story is the stress on the family from their move. The film is simple and obvious and plastic, but diverting. Designed to be fluff, it's fluffy all the time.

Cast: Steve Martin, Bonnie Hunt, Piper Perabo, Hilary Duff, Richard Jenkins. Running time: 1 hr., 34 mins.

(Elliott) !!

Confessions of a Teenage Drama Queen (PG) — Another Disney

dinky, turning the dreams of girls into piffle. Lindsay Lohan pitches her pretty charm like mad as "drama queen" Lola, who leaves New York for New Jersey (looks like a section of Burbank), wins a worshipful friend, dazzles a boy, squelches a snarky rival, stars in a "rock" version of Pygmalion full of "American Idol" razzle. Wasted rather depressingly are Carol Kane, Glenne Headly and other talents, treated as confetti at Lohan's

!!!— Worthy

!! — Mixed

! — Poor

first "Dirty Dancing" was engaging kitsch, a spritzy sensation of 1987. Now, we get Britain's Romola Garai as Katey, whose American businessman father moves the family to Havana in late 1958. Katey looks right through the snob Yank who woos her, and settles her virginal eyes on hotel busboy Javier (Diego Luna). He is into hot dancing, which means variants of body rubbing under a lava flow of Cuban music. When Garai delivered some simpy lines in a love scene, cackling broke out at the press preview. Those laughs should be aimed at director Guy Ferland and the script. Cast: Romola Garai, Diego Luna, Patrick Swayze, Sela Ward, Mika Boorem.

Running time: 1 hr., 36 mins. (Elliott) !!

Eurotrip (R) — Scotty ditches his German pen pal when the pal, who Scotty assumed was a male, starts hitting on him. Little does Scotty know, Mieke is a woman, and when he realizes his mistake, the only way to win her back is to travel to Europe himself and apologize. Cast: Scott Mechlowicz, Michelle Trachtenberg, Jacob Pitts, Travis Wester, Jessica Bohrs.

50 First Dates (PG-13) — Henry (Adam Sandler) is a vet at an aquarium in Hawaii and a serial seducer of island visitors, his policy being love 'em and let 'em leave. True love, of course, lies in wait.

At a picturesque diner, he sees Lucy (Drew Barrymore), and it's love at first sight. They hit it off wonderfully, but when they meet at the diner the next morning, she has no idea who he is. Henry learns that Lucy, following an accident the year before, has that favorite Hollywood malady, amnesia. The romantic aspects benefit from being contrasted to the comedy, which is oafish in the extreme. Oh, well — you can always look at the beautiful island scenery. Cast: Adam Sandler, Drew Barrymore.

(Britton) !!

The Haunted Mansion (PG) —

METRO SPIRIT - MARCH 11, 2004

Warner Bros.

Brother Bear (G) —

Funny

Not Bad

estination anks: D Lo n B y don MGM/UA od C ” t n e g ”A

Drama

“

Lame

Another movie based on a ride at Disneyland, again fea-

0— Not worthy

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The Lord of the Rings: The Return of the King (PG-13) —

32

METRO SPIRIT - MARCH 11, 2004

lasts 200 minutes, and some of those are long minutes.

The last 20 can feel like an hour, for clearly creator Peter Jackson didn't wish to let his saga go. Bernard Hill, Viggo Mortensen and Orlando Bloom are impressive fighters, and Cate Blanchett makes a gorgeous Galadriel. This is posing, not acting. Sir Ian McKellen acts very well as noble Gandalf, but lines about heart, courage and fate make him Lord Fortune Cookie. "Lord" is all epic, all the time. Jackson loves battles, which means hurling dense masses of mostly computerized fighters at one another. If the climax battle this time is more overpowering than the Helm's Deep boggler in "Two Towers," does it truly deepen the story? Maybe it is just more spectacle, as climaxes are stacked high and then the epic winds down with Elijah Woods as

Love Don’t Cost a Thing (PG13) — “Love Don’t Cost a Thing” is a remake of the 1987 teen comedy “Can’t Buy Me Love.” An unpopular geek blackmails a cheerleader into posing as his girlfriend in an attempt to improve his reputation. Cast: Nick Cannon, Christina Milian, Vanessa Bell Calloway, Kal Penn, Steve Harvey, Kenan Thompson.

Master and Commander: The Far Side of the World (PG13) — The best film yet about men fighting at sea under sail. Two of Patrick O'Brian's books have been beautifully transposed into a cogent and moving tale of the Napoleonic Wars. Capt. Aubrey (Russell Crowe) and his friend Dr. Maturin (Paul Bettany) bond tightly despite amusing frictions and lead through storm and shot a stout crew against a French ship larger and better built.

It all fits and works like good seamanship, under Peter Weir's direction, manly without fakery. Running time: 2 hrs., 19 min. (Elliott) !!!!

The Missing (R) — Cate Blanchett is again superb, as a flinty frontier mom who rides hard across 1870s New Mexico, chasing a mostly Apache band that took her daughter, slowly making up with her long absent and "gone Injun" father (Tommy Lee Jones). Ron Howard directed with a true eye for detail and landscape; Eric Schweig is an alarmingly vicious sorcerer; the brutality is frequent and not for tender viewers. Running time: 2 hrs., 10 mins. (Elliott) !!!

Monster (R) — To play Florida serial killer (of seven men) Aileen Wuornos, Charlize Theron did a monstrous job on herself: extra pounds, ratty hair, facial beauty slumping into a slum except for the rare, radiant smile. It's one of those bravely mutative performances that win laurels and make critics lose their marbles, but it lacks the truly risky daring of Daniel Day Lewis in "My Left Foot" or Robert De Niro in "Raging Bull" because director-writer Patty Jenkins has simplified Wuornos' story (already much documented) into the tragic fall of a soulful loser. Her total victimization becomes a beastly cry of protest against men and society. The wretched pulp as she kills men who are usually just barely human is pulverizing. Theron is affecting, and Christina Ricci is terrific as a childish depressive who bonds to Aileen like a giddy little leech. 1 hr., 53 mins. (Elliott) !!1/2

The Passion of the Christ (R) — Mel Gibson's risky, passionate treatment of Christ's last 12 hours, long on fear and gore and agony, devils (even Satan), sadistic and/or guilty Romans, hatefully smug Jewish priests and, above all, the tormented face of Jim Caviezel as Jesus. Gibson uses heavy, hackneyed devices and naive tactics; he thinks a few brief flashbacks to benign gospel episodes can offset and illuminate the relentless flood of anguish and bloodshed, and he comes close to making this a rite of faith-based sadism. It is up to believers to decide if Gibson's Jesus is their own, but since no actor can truly act the Son of God spiritually, Caviezel becomes a sacrificial offering.

(Elliott). Rated R; 2 hrs. 7 mins. !!

Peter Pan (PG) — P.J. Hogan's film is like a cyberized revamp of Disney, but everything is brighter, fuller, glitzier, with live actors and lots of matted effects. Capt. Hook's pirate ship is a virtual theme park awaiting customers. The feared crocodile seems to be from some Jurassic park. Clouds are so pink and cotton-candied you expect Peter and the others to get stuck in them. The magic can get a little ballistic. It's a remarkably sensual film. The action scenes are amusingly zestful, Peter is adorable but not too cute, the pirates are a spry bunch of uglies, but it's the characters connecting emotionally that makes "Peter Pan" fly.

For kids, the movie is a sure thing. Cast: Jason Isaacs, Jeremy Sumpter, Rachel Hurd-Wood, Lynn Redgrave, Olivia Williams, Richard Briars. Running time: 1 hr., 32

mins. (Elliott) !!!

Scary Movie 3 (PG-13) — The third film in the “Scary Movie” series once again spoofs a series of recent horror hits, fantasy epic films and other pop culture sensations, including “8 Mile,” “The Matrix,” “The Ring,” “The Others” and “Signs.” Cast: David Zucker, Anna Faris, Charlie Sheen, Regina Hall, Denise Richards.

Secret Window (R) — Take one writer, and stick him out in the boonies. Add some mental trauma (in this case, a painful divorce – not to be confused with the other kind) and one psychotic stranger. This one, played by John Turturro, accuses the writer, played by Johnny Depp (his writer is a ragged blond fellow in bad glasses and even worse sweater), of stealing his story. And he’s willing to spill some blood.

Knowing Stephen King, however (Wot? You couldn’t tell this little gem was based on a King?) there’s probably something a little more sinister at work than just a simple psychosis. Cast: Johnny Depp, John Turturro, Maria Bello, Charles S. Dutton, Timothy Hutton, Len Cariou, Gillian Ferrabee.

Something’s Gotta Give (PG13) — Jack Nicholson plays with his cruising wolf image and his age (66), sporting with them as compulsive single Harry Langer. Harry's latest find for a fling is svelte Marin (Amanda Peet), an auctioneer who treats him like a lusty antique. They go to her divorced parents' beach house. But when he meets mother Erica (Keaton), a playwright, the awkward moments quiver.

Harry has a sudden heart crisis. He ends up stuck for a night with Erica. What happens is silly, knowing, witty, touching and abetted deftly by a terrific score. When someone says of Erica's new play, "It's sweet, it's smart, it's funny," that serves as a review of the movie.

Critics should be pleased to echo it. Cast: Jack Nicholson, Diane Keaton, Keanu Reeves, Frances McDormand, Amanda Peet. Running time: 1 hr., 47 mins. (Elliott) !!!!

Starsky & Hutch (PG-13) — Viewing "Starsky & Hutch" is embarrassing, like watching Hollywood eat a cadaver in order to stay alive. It uses Ben Stiller as cop Dave Starsky and Owen Wilson as cop Ken Hutchinson, a nervous straight-arrow and a blithe screw-around shoved together by barking Capt.

Doby (Fred Williamson). At first hating each other, they bond as dude partners. There are drugs and cash and cars and whores (or "hostesses"), all filmed in the bleached yet florid visual cliches of bad '70s TV and films. The soundtrack digs retro vibes right into the grave. S&H underline and ” undermine every plot turn with a vaguely nostalgic, inanely satirical emphasis. Movies don't have to be like this.

Hollywood, please listen: There is no reason on the planet for movies this bad. Cast: Ben Stiller, Owen Wilson, Vince Vaughn, Juliette Lewis, Snoop Dogg, Fred Williamson, Chris Penn. Running time: 1 hr., 36 mins. 0

Ni gh ts

Frodo (now mildly matured) exiting sweetly, his destiny done. Cast: Ian McKellen, Elijah Wood, Cate Blanchett, Viggo Mortensen, Ian Holm, Orlando Bloom, Sean Astin.

Running time: 3 hrs., 20 mins. !!

ty Dan cign: Hava “Dir Artisan Ent. na

turing cheesy, story-altering references to the rides, as well as plots about ghosts and curses. Eddie Murphy is a workaholic real estate agent and a smooth-talking sleazebag. A promising real-estate deal turns out to be more than he bargains for, and his eagerness to scope out a house on the way to a family vacation leaves his entire family stranded at a creepy, cobweb-ridden Louisiana mansion with a curse. The result is a movie that, while consistently amusing, plays like a hackneyed effort to stretch a few minutes of ride into a coherent, hour-and-a-half story. Running time: 1 hr., 39 mins. (Fu) !!

Hidalgo (PG-13) — Viggo Mortensen plays Frank Hopkins, who was an actual man and won a lot of long endurance races on a lot of horses.

Mortensen's Hopkins has seen something (the Wounded Knee massacre in 1890) that drops him into drink and depression. He drifts into showbiz, working for Buffalo Bill Cody, which sours him further because he's part Indian and knows the show is a brazen travesty of the expiring Old West. But he has Hidalgo, the mustang. The look in his equine eye always says "I'm a star, buster," and in his tough American way he's ready for the challenge: the epic "Ocean of Fire" race across the Arabian desert, up through Iraq and to the sea. Nobody should become too sophisticated for this sort of entertainment, which delivers great-looking people and animals and action to stir your most youthful blood. Cast: Viggo Mortensen, Omar Sharif, Louise Lombard, Zuleika Robinson, Silas Carson. Running time: 2 hrs. (Elliott) HHH Honey (PG-13) — Like having the fluids drained out of your system and replaced by a sugarloaded, mixed-drink concoction of a color not found in nature. Honey Daniels (Jessica Alba) bartends, dances and teaches hip-hop dance at a youth center.

Discovered, she makes a fast splash as a music-video dancer and choreographer. There are jolts of energy from occasional moments of hip-hop frenzy, but the editing is so rapid-fire that what appears on the screen looks more like a video game than dance. Will Honey remember her old pals in the 'hood? Why, yes. First "Radio," now this; uplift has never seemed so enervating. Running time: 1 hr., 28 mins. (Salm) !1/2 The Last Samurai (R) — Tom Cruise stars as Nathan Algren, a heroic Civil War veteran and then embittered cavalry man, reduced to heavy drinking and shilling for a gun company. Algren goes to Japan, paid to train the new imperial army in modern ways and weapons. But he finds himself drawn to the insurgent cause and almost idyllic life in the hills of samurai leader Katsumoto (Watanabe), who fights for the old ways and hopes to win over the adolescent emperor from greedy modernists. Having come to teach, Algren stays to learn. He is captured after impressing Katsumoto with his fighting spirit; the "barbarian" has a tiger within. "The Last Samurai" bides its time, has a predictable plot, but gives pleasure of a sustained kind.

Cast: Tom Cruise, Ken Watanabe, Tony Goldwyn, Timothy Spall, Koyuki. Running time: 2 hrs., 24 mins. (Elliott) !!!

Taking Lives (R) — Canadian cops are

hunting for a serial killer who steals

the identities of the people he kills, which means that the title is a really cool double-entendre. Anyway, the cops call on an FBI profiler, played by Angelina Jolie, to help out. Cast: Angelina Jolie, Ethan Hawke, JeanHugues Anglade, Paul Dano, Tcheky Karyo, Olivier Martinez, Gena Rowlands, Kiefer Sutherland.

Teacher’s Pet (PG) — Adapted from the Disney and ABC television series, “Teacher’s Pet” follows the plight of Spot, a talking dog who is trying to become human. He consults a mad scientist, with some hilarious results along the way. Cast: Kelsey Grammer, Nathan Lane, Debra Jo Rupp, David Ogden Stiers, Jerry Stiller.

The Texas Chainsaw Massacre (R) — It’s a remake of the original film and based loosely on true events that inspired that film and “The Silence of the Lambs.” A group of friends becomes isolated in the midst of a clan of cannibals. Cast: Jessica Biel, Jonathan Tucker, Eric Balfour, Erica Leerhsen.

Twisted (R) — Ashley Judd plays tough San Francisco cop Jessica Shepard, recently promoted to homicide detective. Jessica picks up big, horny men in bars, then has fast, rough sex that has an aura of foreplay for murder. Sure enough, a series of her studs turn up dead. And Jessica, who is prone to drinking red wine in quantity, yanking her trigger temper and then "hearing voices," becomes a key suspect in her first murder case. Just as the male victims seem to have "disposable" stenciled on their foreheads, to go with the cigarette burns on their hands, so does the film appear to carry the label Video Bin: Recycle Fast. Cast: Ashley Judd, Samuel L. Jackson, Andy Garcia, David Strathairn, Russell Wong. Running time: 1 hr., 37 mins. (Elliott) HH You Got Served (PG-13) — Elgin and David are best friends who are serious about their hobby: urban street dancing. When another town’s top group challenges them to a dancing competition, the boys must create new, cutting-edge moves to stay in the game. Cast: Marques Houston, Omari Grandberry, Jennifer Freeman, Jarrell Houston, Dreux Frederic.

—Capsules compiled from movie reviews written by David Elliott, film critic for The San Diego Union-Tribune and other staff writers.

Springg Seed Sale

flix

Jim Caviezel not the First “Celluloid” Jesus

By David Elliott

O

ften, “the greatest story ever told” is, on film, forgotten.

Few recall George Fisher’s Jesus in the silent “Civilization,” or the once-famous Christ of H.B. Warner in DeMille’s silent “King of Kings.”

Jim Caviezel’s most recent Jesus in Mel Gibson’s “The Passion of the Christ” may join the top gallery of portraits, but it is hard to beat “Ben-Hur” (1959), when Jesus, face unseen, gives a cup of water to Charlton Heston and Heston’s face is transformed by awe.

“THE KING OF KINGS” (1927) Director: Cecil B. DeMille Jesus: H.B. Warner Portrayal: Imposingly noble, lofty and fatherly.

Impact: DeMille’s crafty blend of piety and spectacle wowed the crowds, though Warner (over 50) was a rather weathered Jesus. In silents since 1914, he went on to play sage Chang in Capra’s “Lost Horizon.”

“KING OF KINGS” (1961) Director: Nicholas Ray Jesus: Jeffrey Hunter Portrayal: Jesus is lovable, blue-eyed, lofty, but not entirely an icon.

Impact: Sort of Nick Ray’s “Rebel With a Cause,” a glossy, robustly pious treatment with Hunter moving despite wide dismissal as a teendream Jesus; his career soon declined.

“THE GREATEST STORY EVER TOLD” (1965) Director: George Stevens Jesus: Max Von Sydow Portrayal: A Nordic icon Christ, given strength and sincerity by a great actor made to pose too heroically.

Impact: Gorgeously shot, but in Utah, with Stevens (“Shane,” “Giant”) ordered to use star cameos for the Passion scenes, including John Wayne as a centurion. This lofty hosanna tends to petrify monumentally.

“JESUS CHRIST SUPERSTAR” (1973) Director: Norman Jewison Jesus: Ted Neeley Portrayal: Christ is a ‘60s idealist, a noble hunk, but given to moments of anger and frustration.

Impact: Spawned from a hit album and then Broadway show by Tim Rice and Andrew Lloyd Webber, its pop piety was disdained by some for “showbizzing” the story. Few were amused that porn star Paul Thomas turned up in the chorus.

“JESUS” (1979) Directors: John Krish, Peter Sykes Jesus: Brian Deacon Portrayal: Earnest, text-bound, overridden by solemn narration.

Impact: At first a cheap-drop Warner Bros. release, this stolid illustration of Luke’s Gospel became a conversion tool all over the world, dubbed in many languages, perhaps seen by more than a billion people.

“LIFE OF BRIAN” (1979) Director: Terry Jones Jesus: Kenneth Colley Portrayal: Colley, shmolley. It’s “Brian Cohen of Nazareth” who matters here.

Impact: Satirical desecration of Jesus films from Britain’s Monty Python. Loved by the Pythonite sect, especially for Graham Chapman’s depiction of Brian, a manger-born rebel confused with the Messiah.

“THE LAST TEMPTATION OF CHRIST” (1988) Director: Martin Scorsese Jesus: Willem Dafoe Portrayal: A gaunt, movingly Method-acted Jesus, severely tested.

Impact: Based on a “scandalous” Kazantzakis novel, this love labor by a tormented Catholic director, and former Calvinist writer (Paul Schrader), has great immediacy, but its oftendoubting Jesus and erotic Mary Magdalene inflamed fundamentalists. Protests limited release, and Blockbuster would not stock the early video.

“JESUS OF MONTREAL” (1989) Director: Denys Arcand Jesus: Lothaire Bluteau Portrayal: Modern, original, but pious at heart.

Impact: Small bricks of controversy were thrown at this French-Canadian film about an actor (Bluteau) whose sincere work in a revised Passion play leads him to identify deeply with Christ. Few of the rigidly minded saw it.

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33

“THE GOSPEL OF JOHN” (2004) Director: Philip Saville Jesus: Henry Ian Cusick Portrayal: Honorably pious, rather bland.

Impact: Cusick’s earnest Jesus, overlaid

by Christopher Plummer’s narration, anchors a “literal” version of the Gospel that hits its marks, but tends to move only the very faithful.

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METRO SPIRIT - MARCH 11, 2004

“GODSPELL” (1973) Director: David Greene Jesus: Victor Garber Portrayal: A hippie show-guy Jesus, rich in good vibes; Garber went on to play Liberace, also the ship designer in “Titanic.”

Impact: For fans of the stage show, a “wild” New York spree with Jesus in suspenders, Judas and John the Baptist merged together, and Stephen Schwartz’s songs outranking the Bible.

“JESUS OF NAZARETH” (1977) Director: Franco Zeffirelli Jesus: Robert Powell Portrayal: The handsome Brit is a manly, earnest but seldom plodding Christ.

Impact: A huge hit at over six televised hours, this lavish Zeffirelli treatment (Anthony Burgess helped script) is extravagantly detailed, orthodox in spirit and uses stars (Anne Bancroft, Laurence Olivier, James Mason, etc.) without preening them, so that the story truly builds.

Now Thru March 31st

flix reel time

Cinemas at press time. Please check www.metrospirit.com for showtimes as they become available.

REGAL AUGUSTA EXCHANGE 20

Movies Good 3/12 –3/18 Secret Window (PG-13) Fri-Sat: 11:50,

1:30, 2:25, 3:55, 4:55, 7:15, 7:45, 9:35, 10:15, 12:00, 12:40; Sun-Thur: 11:50, 1:30, 2:25, 3:55, 4:55, 7:15, 7:45, 9:35, 10:15

Agent Cody Banks: Destination London (PG) Fri-Sat: 11:45, 1:10, 2:20, 4:15, 5:00,

6:45, 7:25, 9:20, 11:45; Sun-Thur: 11:45, 1:10, 2:20, 4:15, 5:00, 6:45, 7:25, 9:20 Taking Lives (R) Sat: 7:30 Starsky & Hutch (PG-13) Fri: 11:55, 12:25, 2:15, 2:45, 4:35, 5:05, 6:55, 7:30, 9:25, 9:55, 10:25, 11:55, 12:15; Sat: 11:55, 12:25, 2:15, 2:45, 4:35, 5:05, 6:55, 9:25, 9:55, 10:25, 11:55, 12:15; Sun-Thur: 11:55, 12:25, 2:15, 2:45, 4:35, 5:05, 6:55, 7:30, 9:25, 9:55, 10:25 Monster (R) Fri-Sat: 1:20, 4:00, 6:50, 9:30, 12:20; Sun-Thur: 1:20, 4:00, 6:50, 9:30 Hidalgo (PG-13) Fri-Sun: 12:30, 1:00, 3:40, 4:10, 7:10, 7:40, 10:15, 10:45; Tues: 12:30, 1:00, 3:40, 4:10, 7:10, 7:40, 10:10, 10:45; Wed: 12:30, 3:40, 4:10, 7:10, 7:40, 10:15, 10:45; Thur: 12:30, 1:00, 3:40, 4:10, 7:10, 7:40, 10:15, 10:45 The Passion of the Christ (R) 12:00, 12:45, 1:15, 1:45, 3:30, 3:50, 4:20, 4:50, 6:40, 7:00, 7:20, 7:50, 9:40 10:10 10:30, 10:50 Havana Nights (PG-13) 12:20, 5:40, 10:25 Twisted (R) Fri-Sat: 1:55, 4:40, 7:45, 10:05, 12:25; Sun-Thur: 1:55, 4:40, 7:45, 10:05 Confessions of a Teenage Drama Queen (PG) Fri-Sat: 12:10, 2:30, 4:55, 7:35, 9:50,

12:05; Sun-Thur: 12:10, 2:30, 4:55, 7:35, 9:50 Eurotrip (R) Fri-Sat: 2:35, 8:15, 12:35; Sun-Thur: 2:35, 8:15 50 First Dates (PG-13) 12:15, 2:40, 5:10, 7:55, 10:20 Barbershop 2 (PG-13) 12:35, 3:00, 5:35, 8:05, 10:40 You Got Served (PG-13) Fri-Sat: 1:15, 3:35, 7:05, 9:25, 11:50; Sun-Thur: 1:15, 3:35, 7:05, 9:25

Lord of the Rings: The Return of the King (PG-13) 12:00, 4:05, 8:10 EVANS 14 CINEMAS

MASTERS 7 CINEMAS

Movies Good 3/12 – 3/18 Something’s Gotta Give (PG-13) Fri: 4:15,

6:55, 9:35; Sat-Sun: 1:45, 4:15, 6:55, 9:35; Mon-Thur: 4:15, 6:55, 9:35 Along Came Polly (PG-13) Fri: 5:20, 7:20, 9:40; Sat-Sun: 1:20, 3:20, 5:20, 7:20, 9:40; Mon-Thur: 5:20, 7:20, 9:20 Cheaper by the Dozen (PG) Fri: 4:30, 7:05, 9:20; Sat-Sun: 2:00, 4:30, 7:05, 9:20; MonThur: 4:30, 7:05, 9:20 Catch That Kid (PG) Fri: 5:15, 7:15, 9:15; Sat-Sun: 1:15, 3:15, 5:15, 7:15, 9:15; MonThur: 5:15, 7:15, 9:15 The Last Samurai (R) Fri: 5:00, 8:30; SatSun: 1:45, 5:00, 8:30; Mon-Thur: 5:00, 8:30 Master and Commander (PG-13) Fri: 3:55, 6:45, 9:25; Sat-Sun: 12:55, 3:55, 6:45, 9:25; Mon-Thur: 3:55, 6:45, 9:25 Haunted Mansion (PG) Fri: 5:00, 9:00; Sat-Sun: 1:00, 5:00, 9:00; Mon-Thur: 5:00, 9:00 The Cat in the Hat (PG) Fri: 7:00; Sat-Sun: 3:00, 7:00; Mon-Thur: 7:00 REGAL 12 CINEMAS

Movies Good 3/12 – 3/18 Bad Santa (R) 7:00, 9:25 The Big Bounce (PG-13) 2:40, 5:00, 7:45, 9:55 Brother Bear (G) 2:10, 4:15, 7:20, 9:15 Cheaper by the Dozen (PG) 2:05, 4:35, 7:15, 9:30 Haunted Mansion (PG) 2:15, 4:20, 7:10, 9:20 Honey (PG-13) 2:35, 4:50, 7:35, 9:45 The Last Samurai (R) 1:55, 4:55, 7:55 Love Don’t Cost a Thing (PG-13) 2:20, 4:30, 7:05, 9:20 Peter Pan (PG) 2:00, 4:25 Scary Movie 3 (PG-13) 2:45, 5:05, 7:50, 9:50 Something’s Gotta Give (PG-13) 2:00, 4:50, 7:40 Teacher’s Pet (PG) 2:30, 4:45, 7:30, 9:40 Texas Chainsaw Massacre (R) 2:25, 4:40, 7:25, 9:35

Showtimes were not available for Evans 14 M O V I E L I S T I N G S A R E S U B J E C T C H A N G E W I T H O U T N O T I C E .

T O

DESSERTS

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METRO SPIRIT - MARCH 11, 2004

32 Delicious

#10 Ninth Street, Augusta • 722-7772

“Secret Window” Misses Mark as a Psychological Thriller

By Rachel Deahl

S

tephen King is one of those rare authors who can’t know a thing about writer’s block. King, who’s written countless scores of novels, non-fiction, screenplays and short stories must, in fact, be one of our most prolific living authors. It’s hard to imagine that he can spend any of his waking hours away from his keyboard.

Therefore, it’s somewhat ironic that “Secret Window,” the new film based on King’s short story “Secret Garden, Secret Window,” is about an author who doesn’t do much writing at all.

The other irony in the film, and the more amusing one, is that it tosses in a few choice jokes about its hero being something of a hack. Unfortunately, those jokes are more amusing and witty than everything else “Secret Window” has to offer.

Intended as a psychological thriller, “Secret Window” stars Johnny Depp as Morton Rainey, a mildly successful, mostly lazy, writer who is working on his next novel. Holed up in his summer home, presumably somewhere in an idyllic upstate New York town, Mort is doing more sleeping than writing.

Aside from his swift decision to delete the first and only paragraph he’s committed to screen, Mort hasn’t gotten very far. But, in this case, the lack of writing isn’t stemming from writer’s block but, instead, a general disinterest in the act of writing. And while it might be boring to watch an author agonize over the inability to get words on the page, it’s even more unsatisfying to watch him find ways to procrastinate.

With its slow, boring pace, much of the

beginning of “Secret Window” is spent depicting Johnny Depp doing just that — procrastinating.

Shown in various forms of disarray — waking from one of his numerous naps with his hair wildly displaced; munching on meals of peanut butter and jelly sandwiches and Doritos; wandering around his beautiful lake house in a torn bathrobe — the recurring image in the first segment of “Secret Window” is of Depp looking unkempt and tired.

Thankfully for the audience, a weird stranger shows up at the cottage claiming one of Mort’s published stories is actually based on his manuscript. The stranger, a hick named John Shooter (John Turturro), keeps turning up spouting claims of plagiarism and leaving Mort with increasingly threatening promises — one of which is delivered on the throat of his dead pooch.

Essentially a static film without many characters, “Secret Window” puts the onus on Depp. Unfortunately, the gifted actor can do only so much with the shoddy story and gimmicky premise.

The one character Depp shares his best dialog with, the scraggly dog, is unfortunately disposed of before the second act. The other characters in the film aren’t nearly as interesting — the psychotic baddie, Shooter, Mort’s sorrowful ex-wife (Maria Bello) and a hired detective (Charles S. Dutton).

In the end, “Secret Window” doesn’t offer up interesting characters, an innovative story or even a few scary moments. Instead, it leaves an unintended takeaway: bad authors, who find financial success, get away with murder.

MUSIC Bluegrass Pioneer Comes to the Imperial

-By Lisa Jordan

W

ith nearly 200 albums to his credit, including his solo efforts and those with his brother and the Clinch Mountain Boys, Ralph Stanley is still going strong. Ralph Stanley and the Clinch Mountain Boys have tour dates scheduled right through the end of 2004 — 47 remaining dates, to be exact — and one of them is in Augusta.

Stanley, who was born in 1927 in rural Virginia, has claimed the title of bluegrass legend through his revolutionary recordings and projects, as well as from the many accolades he has earned since Stanley and his older brother, Carter Stanley, formed the Stanley Brothers Band in 1946. A job the brothers took at the WCYB radio station in Bristol, Va., led to overnight success and a 12-year run on the radio.

With the advent of the folk music craze in the 1960s, the Stanley Brothers began playing sold-out concerts to the college crowd. In 1966, Carter Stanley died at the relatively young age of 41.

Stanley decided to carry on without his brother, forming the Clinch Mountain Boys. The Clinch Mountain Boys’ revolving roster included musicians such as Ricky Skaggs, Larry Sparks, Charlie Sizemore, Keith Whitley and Stanley’s son, Ralph Stanley II. In 1992, Stanley and his band pulled together a two-disc set of bluegrass and gospel music. Titled “Saturday Night, Sunday Morning,” the album featured performers like Dwight Yoakam, Emmylou Harris, Patty Loveless, Alison Krauss and George Jones. The album earned a bevy of awards at the International Bluegrass Music Association Awards and Grammy nom-

inations for Best Country Collaboration, Best Bluegrass Album and Best Country Gospel Album. Ralph Stanley and the Clinch Mountain Boys followed up the album with another two-CD effort, “Clinch Mountain Country.”

Just a sampling of Stanley’s awards include the National Endowment for the Humanities Traditional American

Music Award, induction into the Grand Ole Opry in 2000, Honorary Doctorate of Music from Lincoln Memorial University, induction into the International Bluegrass Music Association Hall of Honor, the Library of Congress Living Legend Award and Grammys.

Stanley’s first Grammy win came in 2002 with the Best Country Male

Ralph Stanley and the Clinch Mountain Boys and Blue Highway come to the Imperial Theatre March 21, 7 p.m., as part of the Southern Soul and Song II series. It’s a concert series borne of the partnership between the Imperial Theatre and the Morris Museum of Art, and some of the proceeds benefit public programming initiatives. Tickets are $30 and are available at the Imperial Theatre Box Office, online at www.imperialtheatre.com or by calling 722-8341.

METRO SPIRIT - MARCH 11, 2004

STANLEY’S FIRST GRAMMY WIN CAME IN 2002 WITH THE BEST COUNTRY MALE VOCALIST AWARD FOR THE SONG “O DEATH” FROM THE “O BROTHER, WHERE ART THOU?” SOUNDTRACK, WHICH ALSO WON ALBUM OF THE YEAR.

Vocalist Award for the song “O Death” from the “O Brother, Where Art Thou?” soundtrack, which also won Album of the Year.

Ralph Stanley and the Clinch Mountain Boys bring with them Blue Highway, a bluegrass “supergroup” consisting of musicians who have played with Alison Krauss, Ricky Skaggs and Doyle Lawson.

35

music

No Vow of Silence for DJ Monk

welcomes

live in concert

thursday march 18

As seen on the Fox TV show The O.C.

>@

showtime > 7 pm

listen to Y-105

for your chance to win your way into the show

>catch the buzz with Y-105, augusta’s #1 hit music station.

21+show

D

J Monk is here, and he wants to make you move your booty.

“I think the basis of (DJing) is, for most people, just a love of music. The other part of it is dance music culture, which basically started off in clubs and so forth and expanded into all different realms, which is rave culture and big huge parties to having DJs on tour with rock bands.

It’s a party culture, if you want to just lump it all into one,” he says. “It’s just one big party — people who love to go out and dance and people who love to make people dance.”

But while this is at the heart of DJ Monk’s art, there’s also more to the equation.

“There’s people who are just totally into the collection part of it; people who just thrive on the production part of it; people who just simply want to move to the music,” he says.

“Club culture’s been around forever. Ancient civilizations had their own little parties that they did and their rituals.”

The club civilization that DJ Monk is part of, however, has its roots in the DJ culture showdown of the East and West Coasts.

“Back when the whole DJ culture started to go on the rise, it was kind of like West Coast, L.A., California, all over there and then East Coast was Florida, pretty much and New York and so forth,” he says.

“Dance music culture, rave culture, we were kind of duking it out, Florida and L.A., who was doing more things.”

DJ Monk hails from Tampa, Fla., and as a founder of Rabbit in the Moon, Pimp Juice and Hallucination Records, he’s gained popularity both in the Southeastern United States and nationwide.

“Basically, I do DJ gigs all around the country. It really isn’t in one specific area,” he says.

“Last week, I was in Denver, San Diego, New Orleans.

By Lisa Jordan

And I do a lot of gigs in the Southeast. I do a lot of gigs in Florida.”

In addition to live gigs, DJ Monk uses his skills to remix hits by other artists. He’s remixed songs by White Zombie, Britney Spears, Butthole Surfers, Smashing Pumpkins, Limp Bizkit, T.A.T.U., Sarah McLachlan, Garbage, Stone Roses and Love and Rockets — and that’s just the tip of the iceberg.

“I’ve done remixing since pretty much after DJing a couple years,” says DJ Monk.

“It kind of became a natural progression to move from just DJing to producing music people wanted to move to. We apply what we know about the dance floor and DJing to building music that works on the dance floor, and take songs that normally would not be played in clubs as dance music and morph them into that.

“Sometimes you’ll take a very small part of the song that’s very recognizable. Other times, you may use the whole vocal.

Sometimes, you may take a little snippet of it.

It really just depends on the song. It’s going to vary between each artist. Someone like Sarah McLachlan is going to be something that is more of a beautiful sound, so you will want to concentrate on her vocals. Someone like a hip hop artist, there may be a certain hook in the song. You may just take some little part of that and make it more of a party track. It all just depends on what artist and what you’re feeling on that song.”

DJ Monk’s live shows feature as diverse a collection of sounds as artists he’s remixed.

It’s a trademark that started, it seems, when he used to collect records as a kid and make compilation tapes for his friends.

“A lot of times, I bring so many records that I can pretty much go anywhere with the sound. It allows me to be a little bit more flexible with what I do. I’m not really pigeonholed with one type of music — I play anything from hard house to funky breaks to drum and bass. It depends on the vibe I’m feeling off the crowd,” he says. “It’s a big factor. The bigger the energy level and the more the crowd interaction, the better off the show is.”

36

METRO SPIRIT - MARCH 11, 2004

Who: DJ Monk Where: Modjeska When: March 19 Tickets: $10, available by calling 1-877-71-GROOVE Info: www.djmonk.com www.hallucination.com

w w w. w z n y. c o m | w w w. r o o n e y - b a n d . c o m

s g tin

h g i S

JOHN AND KELLY KANE AT STILLWATER TAP ROOM.

GREG AND TIN A DROSS AT TH

E SOUL BAR.

KER

ND D. BRU

KER A AREN BRU K , N W O R RICK B .

E’S KNEES AT THE BE

OSTER ON D STEVEN FR N A E V LA U D KRIS FRIDAY. DURING FIRST T EE TR S D A BRO ANEZ, AMBER AND NATHAN MANGLE AT STILLWATER TAP ROOM.

EBEKAH KORN RA PHELAN, R LL AND U LA , O D N A R OCK, RO AARON A AVIS AT THE R NNIFER AND TAYLOR DONCERT TO BENEFIT THE JE C ER REMEMB CLARK TRUST.

JODY DOWDY, RHONDA DOWDY AND AMY BRESSNER AT MODJESKA.

37

Photos by Michael E. Johnson

METRO SPIRIT - MARCH 11, 2004

STEVIE WHITE, DAVID TH AND LAURA RYAN AT THORNTON, LINDSAY ROSEN REMEMBER CONCERT TOE ROCK, ROLL AND BENEFIT THE JENNIFER CLARK TRUST.

BRANDON BOWER AT THE ROCK, ROLL AND REMEMBER CONCERT TO BENEFIT THE JENNIFER CLARK TRUST.

music

THURSDAY NIGHT and THE SCORCHERS

SABO

CD Reviews

This Weekend: PLAYBACK THE BAND featuring Tutu D’Vyne

Tuesday

Wednesday

Night

Pat

Patrick And

Blanchard Band

Adam

Surrey Tavern 471 Highland Ave. | 736-1221 Open Mon-Sat at 4 pm until

Join Us

St. Patty’s Day

Next Wednesday March 17th for Good Food, Good Times and Good Friends

Door Prizes Every Hour

38

METRO SPIRIT - MARCH 11, 2004

Free Pig Pickin’ Starting at Noon Greene Streets Food & Spirits 402 11th Street 823-2002

By Andy Stokes

TV on the Radio — Desperate Youth, Bloodthirsty Babes (Touch ‘n’ Go)

Firewater — Songs We Should Have Written (Jetset)

One true gauge of fine artistic creation is the ability of the musician to fully digest influencing agents to the point of the unrecognizable.

Vaguely familiar tones are seldom heard, and the melting pot that holds the elements has somehow forged an entirely new alloy. Despite their daring exploration and in defiance of previously set boundaries, Brooklyn trio TV on the Radio wisely knows which lines to cross and which to stay behind. The result — their debut full-length (last year’s “Young Liars” EP was released to critical acclaim), “Desperate Youth, Bloodthirsty Babes” will likely be one of this year’s most important albums.

In what could most accurately be described as a mix of Peter Gabriel’s darker later work and Soul Coughing’s uncompromising fusion of organic and synthetic, TV on the Radio forgets all previously traversed paths in pop music, choosing instead to cut their own. The most flavorful ingredient in their stew is gospel vocals, to which they add a backdrop of fuzz-rock, soul, jazz and even doo-wop. Multi-instrumentalist and producer David Andrew Sitek (who produced albums recently for citymates Yeah Yeah Yeah’s and The Liars) and vocalist Tunde Adebimpe were both visual artists before forming TV on the Radio, which makes sense: TV on the Radio likely began out of an effort to find a new medium of output.

Thankfully, for a group that formed partly in response to the bottomed-out feeling that post9/11 New York City felt a few years ago, TV on the Radio refrains from the now-common practice of outright government-bashing. Instead, their lyrical topics range from the pitfalls of a lavish, gangsta-rap lifestyle (the heavy shuffle of “The Wrong Way”) or the convenience of a relationship without commitment (the stop/go syncopation of “Poppy”), rarely mentioning their anti-war position (“King Eternal” or “Bomb Yourself”). The soul behind Adebimpe’s vocals transcends all lyrical topics, anyway.

“Desperate Youth, Bloodthirsty Babes” is an important record, mainly because it shows the full capability and consciousness of New York’s art-rock scene. Its complexity challenges not only the listener, but also the band that created it. And, all things being equal, TV on the Radio should prove able to answer their own challenge and burn brightly in coming years.

For Firewater’s fifth, the New York-based quartet choose to pay tribute to their influences by re-recording some of their favorite tracks from the past. (Yeah, a covers album.) Covers albums are a troublesome lot. To really pull off a memorable one, an artist usually has to have an extremely original take on the original material, or the originals have to be so good to begin with that no one could possibly screw them up. Mark Kozelek’s “What’s Next to the Moon” was great in that he took AC/DC songs out of context and all but made them his own sad originals. Cat Power’s uninspired “Covers Record” did little more than further prove her slipping grip on sanity. Even the “I Am Sam” soundtrack, Beatles covers by different artists, was hit or miss. So how will Firewater, everybody’s favorite drinking buddies, fare with an entire album of gratitude to their forefathers?

First, if “Songs We Should Have Written” had been true to the purpose of making a covers album, no listener would’ve recognized most of the selections. This is because Firewater’s sound has been known to include bits of Klezmer (Jewish traditional), Indian wedding music and other world influences into rock ‘n’ roll. Perhaps their aim was to just pay tribute to songs they truly respected. Why else would Frank Sinatra’s “This Town,” or Peggy Lee’s “Is That All There Is?” end up here?

Expected are Tom Waits’ (“Diamonds and Gold”) and Stones’ (“Paint It Black”) covers, as those bands were pivotal in shaping Firewaters’s sound. Luna’s Britta Phillips shows up to handle vocals on covers of Sonny and Cher’s “The Beat Goes On” and Lee Hazlewood and Nancy Sinatra’s “Some Velvet Morning.”

“Songs We Should Have Written” won’t change the way people think of these songs, mostly because the originals are too concrete to be restructured. Rather, this album is an indulgence for Firewater members that had a bit too much time to spare.

It’s recommended for fans of any of the originals who might like to hear a whiskeyed-up version of them.

music by turner

T

he Imperial Theatre was rockin’ Friday night as six of the best bands in town came together for the fourth annual Jenny Clark benefit concert. REDBELLY, THE PAT BLANCHARD BAND, DAZE OF HAZE, JOE STEVENSON, THE BIG MIGHTY and APHRODISIAC each turned in impressive sets for a terrific cause. Backstage, it was a gathering of many longtime musician friends who unselfishly gave up their regular Friday night gigs in memory of Jenny, a 1999 Lakeside graduate who died tragically in 2000 in a golf cart accident at Clarks Hill.

Stevenson, the former leader of ‘90s faves PEOPLE WHO MUST, was pleased with the turnout. “The Clark family are such great folks. It was very gratifying for all of us to have such a large audience on First Friday as there were good musicians playing all over downtown.” As in the preceding years, the money raised at the show went to a scholarship that is named for the former Columbia County resident. All things considered, it was a warm and wonderful night for Augusta’s local music scene.

Supersize the Mac ‘04 Dept.

Road warriors FLEETWOOD MAC have announced plans for another leg of their massively successful “Say You Will” tour.

The band, consisting of LINDSEY BUCKINGHAM, STEVIE NICKS, JOHN MCVIE and MICK FLEETWOOD, will visit Atlanta’s Chastain Park May 15 and Charlotte’s Verizon Amphitheater May 20. Some words to the wise: The North Carolina venue is a much better alternative to anywhere in Atlanta as the trip, though approximately 20 miles further, is much easier as the traffic and congestion is nowhere as busy in Charlotte. In other Mac news, expanded, two-disc editions of “Fleetwood Mac”(1975), “Rumours” (1977) and “Tusk”(1979) are being reissued March 23, each with outtakes and alternate versions galore.

LENNY KRAVITZ returns next month with his first complete studio offering since 2001’s “Lenny.” “Baptism” is said to sig-

nal a “spiritual rebirth” for the rocker, with spiritual overtones throughout. LIONEL RICHIE guests. Look for a long U.S. tour planned for the summer for Kravitz, who currently is performing in Europe.

Two of Australia’s best bands are ready to visit the states. No, CROWDED HOUSE isn’t re-forming, but THE VINES and JET will entertain March 13 at Atlanta’s Roxy.

Look for the Vines “Winning Days” disc to reach stores March 23. Jet’s “Get Born” continues to impress fans who enjoy classic-styled power pop, a trend that seems to be growing a bit each year thanks to these two groups and others such as the amazing “This Love” rockers MAROON 5.

Two major solo stars are temporarily leaving their bands to undertake solo projects. CREED’s SCOTT STAPP is entering the studio soon to begin work on his first solo album, as is ROB THOMAS of MATCHBOX TWENTY. Don’t be surprised to see both singers eventually leave their respective groups, as the ease of recording to please yourself rather than five or six other musicians can be and usually is quite addictive and creatively liberating. Look for the results of their new ventures towards the end of the year.

Maple Leaf Blues Dept.

The Toronto-based rocker ANTHONY GOMES impressed a raucous Saturday night crowd at the Blind Pig in downtown Augusta. Touring in support of his third album, “Sweet Stringin’ Soul,” Gomes and his band hit hard with bluesy rock that was soulful and entertaining. Few guitarists can sing as well as they can play, but Gomes is definitely one of them. Also featured were selections from his two other discs, “Unity” and “Blues in Technicolor,” as well as snippets of tunes from the likes of SLY AND THE FAMILY STONE, LED ZEP and BOB MARLEY. Even former BIG MIGHTY guitarist and big Gomes fan ADAM HATFIELD was impressed, so‘nuff said.

Gomes’ next Southern appearance is in Atlanta April 17 at Andrew’s Upstairs.

Turner’s Quick Notes Rock and folk icon RICHARD THOMPSON returns to Atlanta’s Variety Playhouse March 12 … R&B singer ANITA BAKER has joined VAN MORRISON and NORAH JONES on the historic Blue Note Record label … SONIC YOUTH’s 19th album is due in June. THURSTON rocks … WYNTON MARSALIS’ newie, “Magic Hour,” is out this week … Shoot Out the Sparks.

GRAHAM PARKER has “Your Country” out now … A DVD from guitar wiz LEE RITENOUR, “Live From Montreal,” features contributions from ERNIE WATTS, DAVID BENOIT and DON GRUSIN and is new and in stores.

Q. Who is Mariah Carey?

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“The Crow” fame, and get Liz Jagger.

That’s because he got Liz Jagger. Or, rather, she got him. Now Jagger, daughter of Mick and a runway model making an obscene amount of money, has moved on to one of her runway colleagues. She has also “been linked,” according to online sources, to property heir Alex Dellal and model Damien Van Zyl. And she’s only 20. Don’t you wish you were rich and famous? Then all your conquests could be in the news too.

Courtney Love Remember last month when Courtney Love had to have a little talk with a judge about missing her court dates and she arranged a time for this month and practically swore on her mama’s grave that she’d be there? Well, she missed it. Not only did she miss it but she has had yet another misdemeanor.

Her charges are from her adventures on Oct. 2 when police said she was breaking the windows of a former boyfriend’s house. They had to postpone the trial because Love’s drug test results had not yet come back. I think she should be sentenced to a year of yoga.

“I’m Not a Musician – I Just Sleep With Their Children.”

OK, so it’s not an actual Michael Wincott quote, but it is catchy. And the only thing it refers to is his brief affair with Liz Jagger. We want to make that perfectly clear. That done, we will now tell you that Mr. Wincott does in fact have a musical project on its way out of the chute. It’s called “A World of Happiness” and it’s for children. He will be singing a track called “Tatum the Toad.” If you’ve ever seen him on the silver screen, then you’ve heard that … voice. If you can’t remember, go to www.michaelwincott.org and click on The Voice. Anyway, not only will he be singing for children, but there are some other interesting contributors to the project: Perry Farrell and Deborah Harry, Magic Johnson, Gary Oldman and Samuel L. Jackson. A world of Happiness. Rock on.

A Chip Off the Old Stone It’s amazing what you find out when you sign up for news alerts on random people. Ask for actor Michael Wincott of “The Count of Monte Cristo” and

COMPILED BY RHONDA JONES

Information compiled from online and other music news sources.

LIVE!

At the Imperial Theatre Friday, March 12 7:30pm and 9:30 pm Tickets available at the Imperial Theatre box office, online at www.imperialtheatre.com or by phone at 722-8341.

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Jack White Avoids Jail Remember those horrible photos of Jason Stollsteimer, lead singer of the Von Bondies, in which it looked as though someone had steamrolled over Stollsteimer’s face? Well, Jack White of the White Stripes has plead guilty to rearranging the guy’s features and has thereby avoided jail time. It’s called plea-bargaining. He does have to pay a little bit of a fine and attend anger management classes. That would make a good movie. Oh wait, it’s been done.

METRO SPIRIT - MARCH 11, 2004

Turner’s Rock ‘N’ Roll Jeopardy A. This singer said “Whenever I watch TV and see those poor starving kids I can’t help but cry. I mean, I’d love to be skinny like that but not with all those flies and death and stuff.”

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AFTER DARK

MY BUFFETT’S BAND

OF JIM VOCALIST WHO SERVED AS ONE PETER MAYER, A GUITARIST AND HTCLUB MARCH 12.

MEMBERS, COMES TO ADAMS NIG

Friday, 12th

Aiken Brewing Co. – Chief Kick-a-Bitch, Brave Bull The Bee’s Knees – Meditate on This!

Blind Pig – Pat Blanchard and the Broad Street Jam Cafe Du Teau – Bernard Chambers Club Argos – Karaoke Dance Party Continuum – Playa*Listic Thursday Coyote’s – The Rhes Reeves Band Crossroads – Doug James D. Timm’s – The Section El Rodeo – Grupo Pimienta Negra Finish Line Cafe – DJ Fox’s Lair – Chris McInnis, Karaoke Greene Streets – Karaoke Honky Tonk – DJ Dougie Jeremy’s Nightclub – R&B Talent Showcase Joe’s Underground – Pete Locals – Preston and Weston Michael’s – Marilyn Adcock Modjeska – The Comedy Zone, DJ Kenny Ray Playground – Open Mic The Pourhouse – Karaoke with the Pourhouse Friends Robbie’s Sports Bar – DJ Rusty Serendipity Café – Jim Perkins Shannon’s – Karaoke with Peggy Soul Bar – Chelsea Logue Surrey Tavern – Sabo and the Scorchers Wheeler Tavern – DJ Flashback Buddy

Adams Nightclub – Peter Mayer Aiken Brewing Co. – Scott Rankin Back Roads – DJ The Bee’s Knees – Projections and Selections Blind Pig – Shameless Dave and the Miracle Whips Borders – Miles Anderson Cafe Du Teau – Bernard Chambers Charlie O’s – Live Band Club Argos – ‘80s Night with Claire Storm Coconuts – Bikini Contest Cotton Patch – Forest and Jeff Coyote’s – The Rhes Reeves Band Crossroads – Doug James D. Timm’s – The Section El Rodeo – DJ Santiago Finish Line Cafe – DJ Fox’s Lair – Dennis Hall Greene Streets – Karaoke The Helm – Preston and Weston Highlander – Cogburns Honky Tonk – DJ Doug Romanella Jeremy’s Nightclub – Old-School R&B Joe’s Underground – Blues Torpedos Last Call – DJ Richie Rich Little Honky Tonk – Heavy Dose Locals – Karaoke Marlboro Station – Grand Opening featuring Diane Chanel, Sasha, Miss Peg, Dana Andrews Michael’s – Marilyn Adcock

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METRO SPIRIT - MARCH 11, 2004

Thursday, 11th

Modjeska – DJ Kenny Ray Ms. Carolyn’s – The Horizon The Pourhouse – The Recaps featuring Sassy Brass Red Carpet Events – Shiloh Robbie’s Sports Bar – DJ Rusty The Shack – DJ Chip Shannon’s – Bart Bell Soul Bar – (R)evolution with DJ Solo Stillwater Tap Room – Tater Surrey Tavern – Playback with Tutu D’Vyne Wheeler Tavern – DJ Flashback Buddy

Saturday, 13th Aiken Brewing Co. – Family Jules Back Roads – DJ The Bee’s Knees – Sweet Nuthin’ Blind Pig – Shameless Dave and the Miracle Whips Borders – Dave Firmin Cafe Du Teau – Bernard Chambers Charlie O’s – Live Band Club Argos – St. Patrick’s Day Party with Special Guest Coconuts – DJ Tim Continuum – Knowface, Lovefist Cotton Patch – John Kolbeck Coyote’s – The Rhes Reeves Band Crossroads – 2 Live Crew D. Timm’s – The Section Finish Line Cafe – DJ, Karaoke

Fox’s Lair – Roger Davis, Ronnie Hill Greene Streets – Karaoke The Helm – Karaoke Contest Honky Tonk – DJ Doug Romanella Joe’s Underground – Keith “Fossill” Gregory Last Call – DJ Richie Rich Little Honky Tonk – Heavy Dose Metro Coffeehouse – Live Afternoon Bluegrass with Eryn Eubanks and the Family Fold Michael’s – Marilyn Adcock Modjeska – Disco Heaven ‘70s Costume Party Partridge Inn – Sandy B. and the All-Stars The Pourhouse – The Recaps featuring Sassy Brass, Augusta Lynx Post-Game Party Red Carpet Events – Shiloh Robbie’s Sports Bar – DJ Rusty The Shack – DJ Buckwheat Shannon’s – Kool Katz Soul Bar – Adams Township Stillwater Tap Room – Laura Boosinger Surrey Tavern – Playback with Tutu D’Vyne Wheeler Tavern – DJ Flashback Buddy

Sunday, 14th Adams Lounge – DJ Cafe Du Teau – The Last Bohemian Quartet Marlboro Station – Barbara Barringer Orange Moon – Smooth Jazz Sunday with Emery Bennett Robbie’s Sports Bar – DJ Rusty Serendipity Café – Allison Foster

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The Shack – Karaoke with DJ Joe Steel, Sasha Shannon’s – Tony Howard Somewhere in Augusta – Pat Blanchard

Monday, 15th Coliseum – Q.A.F. Continuum – Monday Madness Crossroads – 2 Live Crew Fox’s Lair – Open Mic Greene Streets – Karaoke Joe’s Underground – Ruskin Michael’s – Mike Swift

Tuesday, 16th Adams Lounge – Keith “Fossill” Gregory The Bee’s Knees – 12*Tone Lounge Coliseum – Tournament Tuesday D. Timm’s – The Section Fox’s Lair – Open Mic French Market Grille West – Wayne Capps Greene Streets – Karaoke Jeremy’s Nightclub – Old-School Karaoke Joe’s Underground – Happy Bones Metro Coffeehouse – Irish Night with Sibin Michael’s – Marilyn Adcock Surrey Tavern – Pat Blanchard

Wednesday, 17th

Upcoming Rooney, Pat Blanchard – Blind Pig, March 18

AT THE SOUL BAR.

Return to Wonkaland Party – Last Call – March 20 Ralph Stanley – Imperial Theatre – March 21 Bloodkin – Crossroads – April 2 Larry Jon Wilson and Friends – Imperial Theatre – April 3 ‘80s Costume Party with McFly – Modjeska – April 9 Masters Massacre – Crossroads – April 9-10 Honestly – Crossroads – May 7

Elsewhere Chingy, I-20, Ludacris – Tabernacle, Atlanta – March 11 Erykah Badu, Floetry – Fox Theatre, Atlanta – March 12 The Vines, Jet – Roxy Theatre, Atlanta – March 13 Kevn Kinney, Shaun Piazza – The Earl, Atlanta – March 14 N.E.R.D., Black Eyed Peas – Tabernacle, Atlanta – March 15 Ted Leo, Pharmacists – 40 Watt Club, Athens – March 15 British Sea Power – Echo Lounge, Atlanta – March 17 Grandaddy, Saves the Day, The Fire Theft – Tabernacle, Atlanta – March 19 French Kicks – 40 Watt Club, Athens – March 23 Preston School of Industry – Tasty World, Athens – March 24 John Vanderslice – The Earl, Atlanta – March 25 My Chemical Romance, Poison the Well, Thrice – The Masquerade, Atlanta – March 25 The Sleepy Jackson – Echo Lounge, Atlanta – March 26 Phantom Planet – 40 Watt Club, Athens – March 27

Many tickets are available through TicketMaster outlets by calling 828-7700, or online at www.ticketmaster.com.

Tickets may also be available through Tix Online by calling 278-4TIX, online at www.tixonline.com or at their outlet location in Southgate Plaza. After Dark listings are subject to change without notice.

Deadline for inclusion in After Dark calendar is Tuesday at 4 p.m. Contact Rhonda Jones or Lisa Jordan by calling 738-1142, faxing 736-0443 or e-mailing to rhonda.jones@metrospirit.com or lisa.jordan@metrospirit.com.

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METRO SPIRIT - MARCH 11, 2004

The Bee’s Knees – Heliocentric Cinema Blind Pig – Sabo and the Scorchers Club Argos – St. Patrick’s Day Blowout, Claire Storm Coconuts – Karaoke Coliseum – Wacky Wednesdays Continuum – Open Mic Jam Sessions Coyote’s – St. Patrick’s Day Party, Venus Modeling Contest, The Rhes Reeves Band D. Timm’s – The Section Fox’s Lair – St. Patrick’s Day Party, Daddy Grace Greene Streets – St. Patrick’s Day Party, Karaoke Jeremy’s Nightclub – Mellow Mood Wednesday with Spoken Word and Jazz Joe’s Underground – J.A.R., Keith “Fossill” Gregory Michael’s – Marilyn Adcock Playground – Karaoke The Pourhouse – Karaoke with the Pourhouse Friends Robbie’s Sports Bar – DJ Rusty Shannon’s – St. Patrick’s Day Party with Allen Black Somewhere in Augusta – Live Music Soul Bar – Live Jazz Surrey Tavern – Pat and Adam

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Also at the show, St. Petersburg, Fla., inventor Tim Engler was pushing his pumpoperated, heavy squirt-gun artillery that mounts on bicycles. (Not at the fair, but currently a hot Internet pass-around ad is a color poster for Japan’s Kaba-Kick, a pink toy gun shaped like a hippo that appears designed for children to play Russian roulette, but with the loser merely kicked in the head by the hippo. The Kaba-Kick was discontinued by Takura Toys in 1992, but its ad apparently lives on.)

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Dental Follies Dr. Leon Gombis (Oak Lawn, Ill.) had battery charges filed against him after he, wielding pliers, ripped a cap out of the mouth of a 58-year-old patient, believing (mistakenly) that she was behind on her payments (January).

Compelling Explanations At press time, U.S. Air Force Capt.

Jacqueline Chester was scheduled for court martial in Dover, Del., for having tested positive for cocaine; in her defense, her now-ex-husband said that during their marriage, he had occasionally rubbed cocaine on his genitals for pleasure-enhancement and that the otherwise-drug-free Jacqueline might have absorbed it through her own genital walls.

Lame Excuses • According to a police report in January on the Canadian Broadcasting Corp. Web site, a driver in the Newfoundland district of Bonavista-Clarenville denied that he had an illegal radar detector, claiming that the black box on his dashboard was a “moose detector” that indeed had so far kept him safe from moose. And Joseph Hubbert, 34, explained to Minneapolis police on Christmas morning that the reason he got stuck in the chimney of Uncle Hugo’s Mystery Bookstore was not because he was up to no good, but because he had accidentally dropped his keys down the chimney and had to crawl down to get them.

• Author Irwin Schiff, at war with the IRS for years over his aggressive claims that paying federal income tax is voluntary, may finally have turned defensive. In a back-taxcollection case in Las Vegas in January, Schiff told the court in a filing that he suffers from delusions, including a fantasy that he is the only person qualified to interpret federal income tax law. Schiff’s

psychiatrist said Schiff has been paranoid for years, stemming from his having lost heavily in a tax shelter that turned out to be a Ponzi scheme.

Least Competent Criminals In Tarpon Springs, Fla., William Ray Hunter, 41, was arrested and charged with defrauding a series of at least 19 Northerners who had paid him a total of $33,000 in advance to rent his mobile home for the winter starting Jan. 1. Hunter apparently had made no effort to move out by the time the tenants started arriving. Said Sheriff’s Sgt. Bob Hart, “I don’t think he thought too much about what would happen when everybody showed up. Most people have a plan. (Hunter) had the first part, but he didn’t have the second part.”

Update on Racist Dogs The owner of the German shepherd crossbreed who made the news last year for having trained “Adolf” to raise his right paw on hearing the command “Sieg Heil,” was found guilty in Berlin of displaying Nazi symbols, and he told the court that Adolf had since injured his paw and could no longer salute (February). And the McKees Rock, Pa., police dog Dolpho, that was sent for re-education in 2002 after having senselessly attacked a black child, and that was making progress in his rehab effort, backslid, senselessly attacking a black teenager (February).

Thinning the Herd A 46-year-old motorcyclist, speeding, yelling obscenities and shaking his fist alongside an 18-wheeler that had made a left turn of questionable etiquette on a Corpus Christi, Texas, street, lost control of the cycle, fell off and was fatally dragged underneath the truck (October). And in Tampa, Fla., a 20-year-old man chased down another driver (both in pickups), finally jumping onto the first driver’s door so he could punch him through the window. The distracted driver continued on for two blocks but finally hit a tree, which caused the truck to roll over onto the man clinging to the door, and he died at the scene (October).

More Things to Worry About The owners of FM 106.7 in York, Pa., having ended the station’s country-music format but not yet having introduced a new one, played “Pop Goes the Weasel” 24 hours a day during the interim (February). And a Pacifica, Calif., father filed a $15,000 claim against the school district, saying officials have not stopped students from taunting his 12-year-old son, who is an internationally acclaimed ballroom dancer (September).

— Chuck Shepherd © United Press Syndicate

Brezsny’s Free Will

steady stream of satisfying interpersonal encounters.

This must include, though it is not limited to, more tender intimacy, more engaging friendships and more interesting conversations.

Astr ology ARIES (March 21-April 19)

The opportunity that’s available to you may not be entirely appealing to your pride. It would require you to place yourself in service to a force that’s greater than you. I compare it to the role played by Steve Williams, the caddie for golf superstar Tiger Woods.

Carrying around a bag of golf clubs may not seem glamorous, but Williams earns as much as $1 million a year doing it for Woods.

TAURUS (April 20-May 20)

Novelist Ursula K. Le Guin decries the linear perspective that dominates modern storytelling. She says it’s “like an arrow, starting here and going straight there and THOK! hitting its mark.” Furthermore, she complains, plots are usually advanced through conflict, as if interesting action can’t possibly arise from any other catalyst. Your assignment in the coming week, Taurus, is to rebel against these oppressive conventions. Boycott any story whose narrative drive is fueled primarily by painful events. Protest movies that imply most human experiences are fraught with difficulty and resolved neatly. Most importantly, look back and celebrate the luminous mysteries that have shaped your life story: the meandering fascinations that didn’t lead to tidy conclusions, the wobbly joys that fed your soul, the adventures whose success was built on sweet breakthroughs rather than triumphs over suffering.

CANCER (June 21-July 22)

Have you ever thought about becoming an astrologer?

This would be an ideal time to explore the possibilities. For that matter, you will attract grace and synchronicity if you do “anything” to expand your understanding of how big archetypal forces interact with our little personal lives. Reading books by psychologist Carl Jung or mythologist Joseph Campbell would be excellent for your health. So would doing a meditation session under the night sky or contemplating your dreams as you take in a planetarium show. Have you ever heard the ancient mystical formula, “As above, so below”? It means the cosmos is reflected in your psyche, and vice versa.

Look everywhere for evidence that it’s true.

LEO (July 23-Aug. 22)

In Grimms’ version of the fairy tale, “Sleeping Beauty,” all the trouble stemmed from a seemingly minor mistake: The king and queen invited 12 of the realm’s fairies to their daughter’s party, but ignored the 13th simply because they only had 12 gold plates.

This last fairy came anyway, angrily crashing the feast and casting a curse as vengeance for her snub. I advise you not to make a similar gaffe this week, Leo. Even if your personal equivalent of the 13th fairy is an awkward character or a disruptive presence, you need that influence right now. And the practical fact of the matter is that if you don’t welcome it, it’ll mess with you; if you do welcome it, it’ll bless you.

GEMINI (May 21-June 20)

Since your life has more than a slight resemblance to a chess match these days, I’m calling upon grandmaster Victor Korchnoi to talk a little strategy. “I like to coax my opponents into attacking,” he says, “to let them taste the joy of the initiative, so that they may get carried away, become careless and sacrifice material.”

Please meditate on how you might adopt this approach to use in your next gambit, Gemini. It’s time, in my astrological opinion, for some smart mischief.

ACROSS

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SCORPIO (Oct. 23-Nov. 21)

“Dear Rob Brezsny: As much as I enjoy reading your stuff, I have to admit that I almost always have to do the opposite of whatever you advise. It’s just my nature. So here’s my request: Could you write a horrorscope for those of us Scorpios who are backwards — the negatively aligned people? -Kneejerk Rebel in Sacramento.” Dear Kneejerk: Your wish is hereby granted. This week you should avoid all experiences that might result in you experiencing heaping doses of love and liberation. Repress the warm, sexy emotions welling up inside you. Devote yourself to boring tasks that make you feel numb.

SAGITTARIUS (Nov. 22-Dec. 21)

What time is it, boys and girls? It’s shadow time. Are you ready to negotiate with the chaotic, confusing feelings you usually hide from? Would you consider tunneling down into your soul’s darkest pit and hunting for the hidden treasure there? Here are a few morsels to take with you on your journey. 1. “That which we do not bring to consciousness appears in our lives as fate.” -Jung. 2. “Perhaps all the dragons of our lives are princesses who are only waiting to see us once beautiful and brave.” -Rilke. 3. “The great epochs in our lives are at the points when we gain the courage to rebaptize our badness as the best in us.” -Nietzsche.

CAPRICORN (Dec. 22-Jan. 19)

I’m guessing that your imagination is both excited and perplexed; that your senses are heightened yet on the verge of being overwhelmed. According to my analysis of the astrological omens, you’re going through a phase that at its best might be called a

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PISCES (Feb. 19-March 20)

Imagine that your life is a detective story. The goal is not to solve a crime, but to solve the mystery of why you’re here on earth so you can carry out the special mission you’ve come to accomplish.

Sometimes you go for months without even looking for clues. You sleepwalk through the world, reacting blindly to the tricks that the gods use to try to wake you up. Then there are those phases when hot leads and fresh evidence pop up all over the place, convincing you beyond a doubt that magic is one of the fundamental properties of reality. This is one of “those” times, Pisces.

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AQUARIUS (Jan. 20-Feb. 18)

It’s check-in time, Aquarius. What progress have you been making in your work on this year’s major assignment? As I suggested last December, everything you thought you knew about commitment is due for a major overhaul. Before 2004 is over, you must transform the way you weave your fortunes together with worthy allies. By now, you should be at least halfway through this extended turning point; you should have shed outworn ideas about collaboration and conjured up fresh approaches. The next stage of the process begins soon: wherein you formally break off pacts with erratic and emotionally unavailable people, and seal deals with responsible, emotionally intelligent people.

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46 The Rockets of of the Mid36 Hollywood studio American department Conference 37 Something that 47 Accustom may be rolled 48 Holiday quaff over: Abbr.

38 Court matter 50 ___ chi ch’uan

priceless

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power: Abbr.

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METRO SPIRIT - MARCH 11, 2004

New York Times Crossword Puzzle

VIRGO (Aug. 23-Sept. 22)

Speaking on your behalf, I hereby give notice to the cosmos that it must try harder to please you. Its lukewarm support will no longer be considered sufficient for your needs. Its roundabout approach to helping you fulfill your dreams must become more direct and straightforward — or else! Specifically, I demand that the gods, fates, dispensers of karma or however they want to be referred to, must, no later than March 13, 2004, begin to provide you with a

63 Do some stock bank speculating 64 Station name in 30 Kind 8 “Now where England ___?”

31 Kind of history 65 How “Waltzing 12 Kennedy 33 Actor Herbert Matilda” is to be adviser played 34 Definition, part 3 13 End ___ era 39 1961 Literature 14 Start of a Nobelist ___ DOWN definition of Andric 1 Holiday cheer? “elbonics” (a 40 Drill word that 2 Cholers doesn’t exist 41 “___ fallen …”

3 Confederate but should) 42 “Siddhartha” 4 “Wheel of 16 Greek god author Fortune” request sometimes 44 Definition, part 4 5 C, alternatively pictured as blindfolded 6 Not very 49 Oil worker? profitable 17 Novelist Seton 51 Alway 7 “A kind of 18 Each 52 Cry of dismay, praise”: John in poetry 20 Delighted Gay reaction 53 Roll maker?

8 Try to win a 21 Gathering hand 54 Came down place: Abbr.

57 Token look-alike 9 House with a 23 Delilah player in steep roof 58 End of the “Samson and 10 Caesar Park definition Delilah” International 25 Definition, part 2 62 Some bills Airport site 11 Sell out, in a ANSWER TO PREVIOUS PUZZLE way R A P S L A Y S S T E I N 12 Kind of vote A C E T O S E A I G L O O 15 Proverb ending?

L T R A C T A S L I K U D 16 Have something S U I T Y O U R S E L F 19 Choice T A S K S D O E R S C N N O T H O R E F R Y Z H O U 21 Former name of Sulawesi N E A B E N T B O A S T 22 Ginza locale B A R S T H E D O O R A A L T O E R I N L A W 24 Everywhere K I E V S O M N I P E L E 26 Teledyne Water ___ A R S S O D O I A I M E E B U S I N E S S C A R D 27 One keeping A T A R I S K E I N G T O one’s own company D I G I N T E L L A N E U Z E R O G S Y S O P E D T 28 Work unit 1 Ready to work

LIBRA (Sept. 23-Oct. 22)

You still have a chance to avoid that pyrrhic victory you’re spiraling towards. For those of you without a dictionary nearby, a “pyrrhic victory” is defined as a costly triumph, useless advantage or empty success.

What’s your best bet for avoiding it? First, start thinking of what your soul needs rather than what your ego craves. Second, forget about trying to provide balance to a distorted situation that’s too fixed to be influenced. Third, become aware of how your focus on what you dislike is reinforcing what you dislike.

medley and at its most challenging a hodgepodge. It has resemblances to the “sibuxiang,” a mythic Chinese animal with the head of a dragon, antlers of a deer, tail of a lion, hooves of an ox and body covered with fishy scales. So is there anything you can do to ensure that you use this time to stir up innovative solutions to long-standing problems? Here’s one suggestion: Once a day for five minutes, close your eyes and visualize yourself pulling off rodeo tricks while riding an exuberant “sibuxiang.”

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The Advice Goddess

Amy Alkon

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METRO SPIRIT - MARCH 11, 2004

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or several years, I've been close with two brothers. I fell into a semi-serious relationship with one, which ended when he cheated on me. Recently, the other brother confessed that he's been in love with me for some time, but kept quiet because I'd been seeing other people. Previously, he was dating my best friend. They broke up eight months ago, but she's still constantly demanding he give her reasons why it didn't work. She goes out of her way to scare off women who are interested in him. I realize I love him, but I'm afraid of losing my friend, who will never understand or accept my being with him.

Then, there's the question of the two brothers, who barely get along now. Am I wrong to want to pursue a relationship with this man?

— Drama Hater

So, you hate drama? Not a problem. Drama is what you call the club that puts on the junior high school production of "Annie." It doesn't begin to describe the interpersonal Armageddon you're on the verge of unleashing. In fact, there's no one word that quite conveys it, but this combo platter — "'As the World Turns' meets 'Fear Factor' in a remake of 'The Passion of the Christ'" — might come close.

After all is screamed and done, there's a good chance you'll look back and wish you'd gone for the night in the tank of 400 tarantulas that "just wanna cuddle." In other words, you'd better be reasonably sure this is more than a case of the hormone flu before you give your girlfriend the signal to start scorching earth.

That goes double for him. While you probably have a variety of replacement friends available to you, he's sure to have a hard time convincing his mom to make him a replacement brother.

But what about that rule against even going near a friend's ex? In fact, to avoid being tempted in the slightest, you're supposed to reprogram yourself to think the worst of him: Ax murderer! Cadillac Escalade driver! Michael Bolton fan! If he actually was all those things while dating your friend, then sure, solidarity rules. But, if not — well, it's not like there's a great guy falling off every barstool. Women should learn to resign themselves to romantic reality so they can, in time, repurpose old boyfriends as dates for their single friends.

Unfortunately, reality acceptance isn't this particular woman's strong suit. Eight months post-breakup, she's still playing prosecutor with

Write Amy Alkon 171 Pier Ave. Santa Monica, CA

Evans Towne Center Washington Rd. • 855-7125 (Across from Fat Man’s West)

My fiance's stepmother disapproves of public affection, so my fiance and I keep kissing and hugging to a minimum when she's around. One afternoon, his stepmother came home early and found us in bed. She later told my fiance I was "not welcome in this house again." How can I get back in her good graces?

— Mud What was he doing while you were having sex with him, reading The Wall Street Journal? It takes two to tango — but only one to sweep up the broken glass in the aftermath. That one should be your fiance. After all, it's his stepmother, and, presumably, his family's house that stood in for a cheap motel. He has two choices: Apologize to stepmommy for the visual overshare, or say nothing at all. I recommend the latter. But if he keeps quiet, how will you ever get back in that house again? Well, the front door is probably your best bet. Just walk right in and act like nothing happened. But, but ... she said you were banned from the premises. People say a lot of stuff in the heat of the moment. You, for example, must have sworn you'd "just die" if caught in the act by his stepmother. Your e-mail suggests that an increasing number of caskets are now being equipped with Broadband.

— © 2004, Amy Alkon

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the guy: "Tell me why you left, and I'll tell you why you're wrong for not wanting me." Right.

That approach gets the marriage proposals flying fast and furious every time.

If a friend is somebody who's actively interested in making people they care about happy, this woman is nobody's friend (least of all, her own). At best, she's an acquaintance with tenure. Maybe she has yet to go all scary on you — but probably just because your needs have never gotten in the way of her needs — until now.

Ask yourself what you'd want her to do if your roles were reversed. Then, do that. Should you and Brother Number Two decide to go for it, tell your friend up front. Explain that you don't mean to hurt her; you just can't help how you feel. Ask her to try to understand that and be happy for you — then, knowing what you know about her, prepare for the worst. In other words, duck, dig trenches, consider moving to Tajikistan and do all your lingerie shopping at Victoria's Kevlar Secret. ___________________________________

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JUST LET ME KNOW SWM, 27, 5’10”, 165lbs, enjoys dining out, movies, music, conversation, traveling, romance, laughter and more. Seeking outgoing, intelligent, humorous SW/BF, 18-30, for companionship. !956434 PRINCE SBM, 27, 5’11”, 165lbs, enjoys music, travel, reading, dining. Seeking a woman who is outgoing, attractive, with similar interests for possible LTR. !954917 FRIENDS OR...

SWM, 36, 165lbs, athletic type, likes watching movies, some evenings out, dining, dancing. Seeking SW/HF, 20-45, slim to average build, same mindset, for possible LTR. !943034 VELVET TEDDY BEAR SBM, 37, Sagittarius, N/S, in construction field, seeks an intelligent, attractive woman, 23-45, with healthy full figure, loving, caring, affectionate. !936899 LOVEABLE TEDDY BEAR SBM, 38, 6’2”, Cancer, smoker, loves sports, dinner, dancing, movies. Seeking woman, 20-45, smoker, to kick up her heels with me. !938554 NEW TO AREA SBM, 41, 6’3”, 205lbs, brown eyes, handsome, Libra, N/S, ISO honest, sincere, fullfigured woman, 20-60, race unimportant. !928684 ARE WE A MATCH? SWM, 42, 6’1”, 180lbs, brown/blue, enjoys classic rock, movies, dining, and more.

Seeking nice, friendly SW/HF, 30-47. !965931 NO MORE GAMES SWM, 34, 6’4”, 190lbs, is in great shape, and is looking for a woman who keeps herself healthy and believes in honesty. !955377 ME AND MISS LADY SBM, 38, 6’1”, professional cook, likes sports, looking for a lady, 28-42, likes quiet times, walks in the park, family, fun. Does this sound like you? !951742 WHAT A CATCH Slim SBM, 22, 5’10”, green eyes, looking for a laid-back, cool girl, 18-29, very attractive, open mind. Let’s talk. !952108

Monday-Saturday 10am-9pm 2635 Washington Road | Augusta, Georgia 30904 | 706.738.7777 www.windsorjewelers.net ENJOY MY TIME SBM, 46, 5’8”, 190lbs, looking for SB/WF, 2550, N/S, likes watching tv, going to the movies, cooking. Friendship and romantic times first, maybe more. !945941 KINDRED SPIRITS SBM, 54, 5’7”, average build, local truck driver, Taurus, marriage-minded, smoker, seeks BF, 42-60, a kind soul. !928892 ARE WE A GOOD MATCH? SWM, 37, brown/blue, Leo, smoker, enjoys outdoor sports, Nascar. Seeks caring woman, 25-50, who wants to be treated like a queen. !891638 MUCH TO OFFER SHM, 58, 5’10”, 185lbs, salt-n-pepper hair, retired, Virgo, N/S, loves trailer camping, mountains, beaches. Seeking WF, 48-62, N/S, retired a+. !937107 LOVES TO MAKE YOU LAUGH SBM, 37, 5’8”, slim build, Aquarius, smoker, disc jockey and pest control technician, seeks woman, 25-41, just as a friend. !939056 NASCAR FAN SWM, 39, 5’11”, brown/hazel, average build, Libra, smoker, seeks an old-fashioned WF, 21-45, for LTR. !932866 YOU NEVER KNOW... where this could lead. SBM, 24, Pisces, smoker, seeks BF, 20-30, for friendship, perhaps casual dating. !926708 CULTURED SWM, 31, 5’6”, athletic build, Cancer, N/S, would like to meet an athletic, energetic woman, 21-55, N/S. !926395 LET’S TALK! SBM, 19, 6’, 145lbs, looking for a female, 1829, who is down-to-earth, knows how to have fun! !900587

SEEKING SOMEONE SPECIAL SBM, 61, Virgo, smoker, likes reading, movies, dining out, travel. Seeking outgoing, caring woman, 18-55, with similar interests, for LTR. !850674 CHEF/PIANIST 6’, 190lbs, brown/blue, handsome, amateur psychologist, nice car, time off to travel, will send photo. Seeks pretty female companion, 26-39, no kids, light smoker/drinker okay. !882215 TO THE POINT SBM, 20, 5’11”, Libra, smoker, loves hanging out with friends and listening to music.

Seeking a real woman, 20s, free of games. !924941 LET ME LOVE YOU SWM, 37, 6’, 200lbs, Cancer, N/S, in construction work, loves camping. Looking to meet a nice WF, 40-60, with whom to share what lovers do. !908620 SEEKING ADVENTURE SWPM, 44, 6’2”, slender, Sagittarius, smoker, loves to travel. Seeking woman, 18-30, slender or average-sized. !910584 I LOVE MY DOG... but I can’t take her to the movies. Puerto Rican SHM, 22, 5’9”, long curly (sometimes braided) hair, smoker, works in collections.

Seeking BF, 18-40, for friendship, possible romance. !914936 TENDER, LOVING CARE SWM, 40, enjoys sports, hanging out and just having fun. Seeking a lady who needs more romance in her life. !895728 CONTACT ME! DM, 34, 160lbs, sandy blond, would like to meet a female, 19-38, for movies, dining, and more! !891732

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METRO SPIRIT - MARCH 11, 2004

THE BOMB SWF, 18, with a full figure, seeks a male, 1825, who enjoys movies, dinner, for friendship and possibly more with time. !955355 COMPANIONSHIP DWF, 50, interested in gardening, antiques and traveling. Churchgoer. Seeking DWM, 4858, for loving, tender relationship. !732056 COULD THIS BE YOU? SBF, 45, 5’4”, full-figured, Taurus, N/S, enjoys church, dining out, reading, and quiet times at home. ISO BM, 45-65, N/S, for LTR. !810309 ENDANGERED SPECIES SBF, 57, average build, independent, likes the good things life has to offer, fun to be with.

Seeking SBM, 55-68, independent, honest and caring. !927805 BE MY TEDDY BEAR SWF, 32, 5’3’’, 180lbs, auburn/blue, no kids, never married, enjoys movies, sports, travel, dining, bowling, cuddling, quiet evenings.

Seeking honest, romantic SBM, similar interests, for dating, possible LTR. !894568 DREAM GUY SBF, 29, searching for open-minded, outgoing SM, 22-38, military man A+, for friendship, fun nights out, dancing, talks and maybe more. !836990 CLOSER TO FINE SBF, 58, retired school teacher, N/S, enjoys traveling and tv. Seeking BM, 50-65, educated (high school at least, please), who enjoys having good clean fun. !909981 ISO CHRISTIAN VALENTINE SWCF, 61, outgoing, Libra, N/S, seeks SWCM, 59-65, with whom to share Christ, friendship, and laughter. Must be family-oriented, kind, outgoing, emotionally/financially secure. Let’s give our friendship a try. !911830 TALL BROWN SUGAR SBF, 25, 5’9”, N/S, enjoys movies, concerts, quiet times, and good music. Seeking WM, 23-30, N/S, no children. !906840 WANNA DANCE? SWF, 57, seeks dance partner for Salsa and Square Dancing! Any size, shape, big or tall, short or small, matters not! It’s the footwork that counts! Beginner-intermediate level. !898986 FRIEND IN FAITH SBF, 47, Capricorn, N/S, involved with church, very creative, artistic, designs tile and cards. Seeking BCM, 44-58, involved with church, who loves the Lord. !707742 I WANT TO LOVE YOU SBF, 18, 5’2”, Cancer, enjoys writing poetry, walks on the beach, hanging out and enjoying life. Seeking BM, 18-24, who will treat her right, and expects the same in return. !880193 WAITING FOR YOU SB mom, 24, Virgo, seeks a man for days at the park, the mall, or at the movies, and spending time with family and friends. !883496 HIKER HEAVEN SWF, 45, full-figured, N/S, enjoys church, exploring, old movies, auctions, and gym.

Seeking WM, 46-56, N/S. Let’s make tracks together. !807679 ALL YOU NEED IS LOVE Honest SWF, 28, 5’10”, 210lbs, blonde/blue, enjoys classic rock, horror movies, and quiet nights at home. Seeking SW/HM, 18-40, for friendship, possible LTR. !874789

LOVE OF LIFE Attractive, classy, vivacious SWCF, 50ish, N/S, N/D, seeks SWCM, N/S, N/D, who is honest, financially/mentally secure, and ready for commitment. !875741 SIMPLE KIND OF LIFE SWF, 34, listens to country and oldies music, and wants to meet a man to cuddle up on the couch and watch a good movie, or enjoy other simple pleasures. !860787 JAZZY MISS Slender and attractive SBPF, 31, loves music, conversation, travel. Seeking kind, friendly, honest and family-oriented SBM, 30-38, for fun times. !865339 LOOKING FOR ME Female, 34, Leo, smoker, seeks man, 25-38, for romance, real friendship, with similar interests, possibly more later on. !844726 OLD-FASHIONED LADY SWCF, 48, 5’3”, 150lbs, blonde/green, Scorpio, N/S, enjoys church, Bible studies, music, dining out. Seeking SWCM, 35-60, N/S, for friendship and more. !840939 SOMEONE TO LOVE SWF, 48, enjoys a good horror movie, a drama or a comedy. Seeking a man for romance, quiet times at home, or just dancing the night away! !832399 ADVENTUROUS MOM SBF, 29, Cancer, N/S, loves beaches, horror movies, and horseback riding. Seeking man, 25-40, N/S, strong-minded, who loves kids. !808682 LOVES TO BOWL WF, 48, petite, Capricorn, N/S, enjoys Chicano cuisines. Seeking WM, 46-59, N/S, very outgoing, for LTR. !806136 HI! I’m a 49-year-old SWF and I WLTM a onewoman’s man, very lonely person. I WLTM a gentleman who would to be good to me and treat me w/kindness and gentleness. !793024 A VERY SERIOUS WOMAN SBPF, 34, mother of 3, nurse, independent and secure, enjoys church, movies, dining. looking for commitment-minded, level-headed, spiritual, spontaneous, respectful man, who truly appreciates a good woman. Sound like you? !777612 AQUARIUS SEEKING SWF, 46, 5’6”, smoker, enjoys cuddling, movies, gardening. Seeking honest, handsome SWM, 40-50, with similar interests, with similar interests, for friendship, possible LTR. !759515 SEARCHING FOR MR RIGHT SBPF, 39, Libra, loves church, traveling, movies, and dining out. Seeking SBPM, 3760, for possible LTR. !421273 YOU KNOW WHAT TO DO SBF, 39, Leo, N/S, seeks BM, 38-45, downto-earth, very direct and straightforward, to have fun with. !582549 WHAT DO YOU HAVE TO LOSE? SWF, 48, Cancer, N/S, seeks WM, 40-56, who wants to have a great relationship. Why not give me a call? You never know. !511453 WHOLE LOTTA LOVE SBF, 33, would like to share movies, dinners, quiet evenings at home, the usual dating activities, with a great guy. !463610 LOOKING FOR YOU SWF, 37, 5’6”, Scorpio, N/S, enjoys mountains, bowling, the beach and music. Seeking WM, 35-48, N/S, to be a companion, friend. !456544 MORE THAN AVERAGE Slender SBF, 53, 5’2”, independent, Aries, smoker, loves music, conversation, laughter.

Seeking independent, mature SBM, 48-65, for friendship first. !369627

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To respond to ads using a HEART OF GOLD SWM, 31, 6’3”, 210lbs, brown/blue, enjoys reading, movies, travel, sports. Seeking outgoing, attractive SF, with similar interests, for friendship, possible LTR. !556440 LOOKING FOR MS. RIGHT SWM, 37, 5’9”, 180lbs, enjoys biking, sports, travel, dining out. Seeking outgoing, attractive SF, with similar interests, for friendship, possible LTR. !557954 A LITTLE TLC DWM, 49, 5’11”, 195lbs, homeowner, financially secure, enjoys cooking, home life, motorcycle riding. Looking for attractive WF, 35-50, with similar interests. !938440 PLEASE, PLEASE ME SWM, 32, N/S, N/D, is looking for a woman, 27-35, with a petite build, to share good times, conversations and maybe more. !871092 MUST LOVE THE LORD SBM, 56, 5’7’’, N/S, likes sports, gospel music, exercise, steak. Seeking SBF, 39-42, N/S, for friendship first, see what develops. !891808 A NEW YEAR SBM, 29, 5’7”, 145lbs, with a handsome face, seeks a woman who is petite, pretty, and occasionally crazy, to hang out, maybe more. !884263 YOU AND ME SHM, 30, 5’7”, black/black, with tanned skin, enjoys sports, and is looking for a woman, 20-32, to share the fun stuff of life. !881180 AVERAGE JOE SWM, 52, is in search of a woman who enjoys games of golf, riding motorcycles, trips to the beach, or anything with the right guy. !861645 GIVE ME A TRY SBM, 30, Virgo, N/S, likes reading, movies, dining out, travel, sports. Seeking outgoing, caring woman, 18-40, N/S, with similar interests, for LTR. !851101

ACTIVE SBM SBM, 49, Pisces, N/S, enjoys bowling, movies, playing sports, seeks compatible BM, 30-46, N/S, with similar interests. !846543 HEALTHY AND FIT SBM, 25, 5’5”, 170lbs, masculine, nighttime inventory stocker, Capricorn, N/S, enjoys working out. Seeking energetic, passionate, masculine WM, 20-50, N/S. !708544 GLOVERVILLE GUY GWM, Capricorn, N/S, loves bars, karaoke, cooking out, and pool. Seeking GWM, 28-49, smoker, to cuddle up with. !936256 LET’S SADDLE UP SWM, 27, 5’8”, brown/brown, Virgo, smoker, loves horses, camping (with or without the horses), and traveling. Seeking man, 25-40, who can ride, ride, ride. !921725 SEEKING FRIENDSHIP SBM, 6’1”, 214lbs, enjoys indoor activities.

Seeking masculine SW/BM, honest, sincere, who is looking for new friendships. !737679 DOGGONE LOVEABLE SWM, 37, Gemini, smoker, nature and animal lover (especially puppies), seeks outgoing, down-to-earth man, 20-70, for friendship. !909184 GREAT PERSONALITY SBM, 18, 6’3”, 220lbs, masculine build, seeking SBM, 18-29, very masculine, energetic, fun-loving, to go out for dinners, walks and more. !627150 TAKE A CHANCE GWM, 43, 6’2”, 195lbs, black brown, seeks other GWM, for fun times and maybe something more. !493530

RELAXING AT HOME SBM, 35, Virgo, N/S, likes relaxing at home, fun, concerts, trips going to the beach. Seeks fun, spontaneous SBM, 26-37, N/S. !532700 LET’S MEET FOR COFFEE Good-looking GWM, 36, 6’, 200lbs, muscular, tan, enjoys working out, yard work, spending time with my dogs. Looking for attractive SM, 32-48, for dating, maybe leading to LTR. !436231 ME IN A NUTSHELL WM, 18, brown/blue, medium build, looking for fun, outgoing, energetic guy, 18-30, for movies, hanging out, quiet evenings at home, and more. Friends first, maybe becoming serious. !425471

LOVES CHILDREN Easygoing, nice SF, 32, looking for someone with the same qualities, 29-39, and a people person. !388943

LET’S GET TOGETHER GWPM, 37, 5’9”, brown/brown, who enjoys reading, movies, politics, entertainment, seeks a guy for dating, possibly growing into more. !883365

GIVE ME A CALL SWM, 40, 5’8”, 185lbs, salt-n-pepper/green, N/S, enjoys fishing, horseback riding, stargazing, martial arts, reading, quiet times home. Seeking that special woman to share life, laughs and maybe love. !834688

I WANT TO MEET YOU! GBM, 32, 5’7”, average build, Pisces, N/S, likes reading, movies, dining out, travel, sports. Seeking outgoing, caring GWM, 2445, with similar interests, for friendship, possible LTR. !850885

DARE YOU TO ENJOY LIFE SWM, 35, 5’10”, with above-average looks, military officer, N/S, loves travel. ISO an exciting, adventurous woman, 22-50, N/S, who likes to have fun. !830590

SEEKS MAN WITH DIRECTION GBM, 33, Capricorn, N/S, seeks understanding, level-headed, secure GBM, 25-48, with similar interests, for friendship, possible LTR. !854633

EASY TO TALK TO SWM, 48, loves good Italian or French cuisine, and is looking for a man who is easy to get along with, for romance. !870126

SEEKING SOMEONE SINCERE GWM, 42, 5’11”, 175lbs, brown/blue, somewhat masculine, outgoing and friendly, likes dining out, travel, movies and shopping.

Looking to meet honest, passionate SBM, with similar interests, for dating, possible LTR. !769411

METRO SPIRIT - MARCH 11, 2004

© 2004 TPI GROUP

SEEKING SPECIAL GENTLEMAN SBM, 33, 6’2”, 245lbs, Taurus, N/S, likes movies, camping, music, reading, sports.

Seeking out GM, 35-48, for friendship, possible romance. !824261

How do you

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SOMETHING SPECIAL DWF, 45, 5’8”, 145lbs, two kids at home, loves heavy metal music. Seeking SWF, 30-50, likes being around kids, for possible LTR. !945525 AFRICAN-AMERICAN STUD Open-minded, spontaneous, laid-back SBF, 23, Pisces, N/S, loves R&B and old-school music. Seeking feminine woman, 25-50, race not important, who loves to have fun. !919677 READY TO HAVE FUN! SF, 25, seeks femme, 25-35, race not important, who is nice, pretty, slim. Let’s talk and get to know one another! !895256 WAITING FOR YOU SBF, 19, is in search of a friend first, maybe more with time, with a lady who likes to get out and have fun. !874312 ONLY A WOMAN WILL KNOW GBF, Capricorn, N/S, likes reading, movies, dining out, travel, sports. Seeking outgoing, caring GWF, 27-52, N/S, with similar interests, for dating and more. !850614 THE SWEETEST THING SBF, 26, 5’8”, 145lbs, wants to get out and have fun with a new friend, maybe more with time. !832018 1 YOU’VE BEEN LOOKING FOR BiWF, 27, enjoys everything, promises you won’t regret it. If you’re looking for a good time and friendship, I’ll be perfect for you. !830500

INTERESTED? Independent SWM, 37, 5’8”, 150lbs, brown/brown, would like to meet fun-loving, honest, real, professional, secure female to share dates, talks, walks, dinners and romance. !848764 FUN TO HANG AROUND WITH GWM, 52, 5’2”, smoker, enjoys playing pool, having fun, seeks outgoing GWM, 40-55, smoker, with similar interests. !844895

FUN-FILLED DAYS AWAIT SBM, 24, enjoys taking trips, nice restaurants, fun evenings, dancing, quality time together. Seeking masculine SBM, 20-55, for possible relationship. !894435

WHY WAIT? SWF, 38, 5’6”,140lbs, short brown hair, easygoing, enjoys playing golf, the beach.

Seeking feminine female, 20-40, to have fun times and more. !448489

PLAYS GUITAR, WRITES... poetry, and rollerblades. Native-American/ African-American female, 18, 5’5”, 117lbs, very toned, laid-back, a goofball at times, N/S, seeks woman, 18-29. !818596 BONEVILLE BABE SWF, 31, 5’5”, 130lbs, brown/green, smoker, enjoys playing golf, movies, and picnics at the lake. Seeking WF, 25-40, for friends, possibly more. !818908 DIVA WITH DIMPLES Independent DWF, 23, Gemini, smoker, enjoys hip-hop, R&B, and country music.

Seeking WF, 20-30, smoker, for friendship, possible romance. !808179 GET TO KNOW ME SBF, 25, Taurus, N/S, enjoys movies, travel.

Seeking woman, 21-30, N/S, for friendship, possible romance. !803723 A LOT TO OFFER Non-smoking GBF, 37, N/S, seeks very attractive, unique, romantic, fun, intelligent, feminine GF, 27-37, for friendship, dating, possibly more. !749660 JUST THE FACTS SBPF, 41, Libra, N/S, seeks PF, age and race unimportant, who enjoys dining out, quiet times at home, and movies, for LTR. !730225 ENJOYS BOWLING SBF, 32, Gemini, N/S, 5’3”, 145lbs, mother of one, enjoys movies, the mall, dining, going out to eat, bowling, quiet times at home, seeks woman, 21-38, for friendship, possible romance. !646271

LOOKING FOR COOL CAT... to converse with. SBM, 34, Capricorn, N/S, game and drama-free, seeks BM, 26-48, serious-minded, with sense of direction in life. !889038

ONE SIMPLE WOMAN? SBM, 41, Leo, smoker, retired military and fireman, seeks SHF, 20-50, smoker, with simple tastes, for dating and possible relationship. !844123

WELL-ROUNDED MAN Educated SBPM, 41, 5’11”, loves reading, working out, the arts, dining out, travel, quiet times. Would like to meet SWF, 30-45, with similar interests, for fun, friendship, and maybe more. !442021

FRIENDSHIP FIRST GWM, 26, 5’3”, athletic build, N/S, likes sports, working out, travel, reading, swimming. Seeking non-smoking GW/AM, 20-26, with similar interests. !764332

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MARLBORO STATION’S

Begin a New Career in Massage Therapy

G RA N D O P E N I N G !

Fri da y , M a r c h 1 2 th $1.00 Drafts $5.00 Pitchers $2.75 Shots Every Night Cover - $3 Over 21 • $5 18 - 21

Fea t u ri n g Sasha DianeChannel Miss Peg Dana andrews

Train for a Rewarding Career in Massage Therapy in only 7 months Call Today for Details!

“U N DE R N E W OWN E R S HI P ”

STRIPP MO N T H E R S LY

POOL FREE SDAY’S THUR

733-2040

141 Marlboro Street, N.E. Aiken S.C. • 803-644-6485

DOORS OPEN AT 9:00 • 18 to Party • 21 to Drink >> No Cover With This Ad <<

Augusta School of Massage Inc.

3512 1/2 Wheeler Road • Augusta, GA 30909 Private Investigator

READINGS BY

C A R D

Rosedale Transport Needs OTR Drivers, both team and solo.

If you have one year experience, CDL Class A with haz-mat, good driving record. Home weekly, 1-800-486-3681 (03/11#8378) Experienced Seamstress Required PT & FT Call, 706-724-7220 (03/11#8376)

Equipment WOLFF TANNING BEDS

AFFORDABLE • CONVENIENT Tan At Home Payments From $25/month FREE Color Catalog Call Today 1-800-842-1305 (03/25#8320)

Business Opportunity Be your own boss!

Unlimited income potential marketing a service everyone needs. Low star t-up-cost; training provided.

Call Lisa Barret t, Independent Associate, 706.210.5530 (03/18#8375)

59 People needed to lose weight!

All natural, doctor recommended 100% Guaranteed Call for free sample, 706-284-7650 (03/25#8368)

www.metrospirit.com

Mrs. Graham, Psychic Reader, Advises on all affairs of life, such as love, marriage, and business. She tells your past, present and future. Mrs. Graham does palm, tarot card, and Chakra balancing. She specializes in relationships and reuniting loved ones.

Premier Investigations •Domestic •Child Custody •Surveillance •Background Checks 706-869-1667 (03/11#8390)

Travel

Open from 9 a.m. til 9 p.m.

Call (706) 733-5851

Professional Massage By experienced male.

Designed for healthy men 18 - 55 only.

A great way to relax House & Hotel Calls Only 706-589-9139 (03/11#8394)

Call 738-1142 to place your Classified ad!

Music

Understanding the Mind: Tuesdays, 7 - 8:30 PM March 23rd-April 13th at the Unitarian Church of Augusta.

3501 Walton Way Ex tension.

Ganden Buddhist Center (803) 256-0150 or www.MeditationInSouthCarolina.org (03/11#8374)

• French Drains • Gutter Drains • Catch Basins • Erosion Control • Waterproofing • Crawl Space

GUARANTEED SOLUTIONS

LICENSED • INSURED

706-869-9988

www.sundownconstruction.com

Love & Light Healing Center 2477 Wrightsboro Road 706-733-8550 or cell 951-1300 (03/25#8370)

Telephone Service

Cadillac’s Carnival Cruise Four days to the Bahamas September 26, 2004 All inclusive: • Meals • Enter tainment • ALCOHOL & NON-ALCOHOLIC Beverages For a low price, star ting at $410.00/pp Book now for a great vacation with your friends and the staff from Cadillac's.

For details call 414-9392 or 828-5800 at The Vacation Shoppe (03/25#8380)

Unlimited Long-Distance & Local Calling One Price, One Bill, One Company Keep Your Same Phone # Call 1-800-392-4050 Eula NEX X Independent Rep www.nex xrep.com/134741 (03/25#8377)

Wheels

Dead Bodies Wanted

We want your dead junk or scrap car bodies.

We tow away and for some we pay.

706/829-2676

OR

706/798-9060

Email your classified ad to classified@metrospirit.com

47

MASTERS PARTY? Live jazz for Masters gatherings, private par ties, weddings, etc.

Acoustic Jazz Quintet. Book Now! Call 738-5606 (03/25#8379)

Poor Water Drainage?

Love’s Wedding Chapel All types of ceremonies NO BLOOD TEST!!!!

NO WAITING PERIOD!!!!

341 S. Belair Rd.

Religion

Metropolitan Community Church of Our Redeemer A Christian Church reaching to all: including Gay, Lesbian, and Transgendered Christians.

Meeting at 557 Greene Street, 11 am and 6 pm each Sunday. 722-6454 MCCOurRedeemer@aol.com www.mccoor.com (03/11#8128)

RAY WILLIAMSON & ASSOCIATES Private Investigations 17 years experience Domestic Relations and Child Custody Cases Licensed and Bonded in Georgia & Carolina 706-854-9672 or 706-854-9678 fax (03/11#8389)

Services

METRO SPIRIT - MARCH 11, 2004

General Help Wanted

R E A D I N G S

SPECIAL READINGS WITH CARD

MRS. GRAHAM

Employment

Pilates

WANTED

The Formosan termite The most destructive structural pest in the U.S. is on its way to Augusta!

BE PREPARED WITH SENTRICON! If you are the first homeowner to report an infestation of

FORMOSAN TERMITES, Advanced Services will REPAIR your home for FREE (up to $2,000) and treat your home FREE for one year. Termite Swarms? Call us 24/7. We’re here to help.

Augusta • 737-4120 North Augusta • 278-4338

Aiken • 641-0144 Bugstopper.com