Metro Spirit 03.14.2013 by Metro Spirit

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METRONEWS CROSSWORD AUGUSTA TEK FEATURE

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EVENTS CALENDAR

SLAB MATT’S MUSIC JENNY IS WRIGHT RANDY’S REC SIGHTINGS

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THE8

WHINE LINE

o r t e m IR P S

INSIDER RUFFIN’ IT AUSTIN RHODES

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Metro Spirit is a freee newspaper published publis weekly on Thursday, 52 weeks eks a year. Editorial coverage includes local ocal al issues and news, arts, arts entertainment, entert people, places and pectrum. The he views do not necessarily represent present the views of the th publisher. publish Visit us at metrospirit.com. m.© events. In our paperr appear views from across the political and social spectrum. ner/Publisher: Joe White. Legal: Phillip Scott Hibbard. Reproduction or use without permissio p person, perso please. 15 House, LLC. Owner/Publisher: permission is prohibited. One copy per

CONTENTS

On Target: Program takes aim at women

EricJohnson|news editor eric@themetrospirit.com

GabrielVega|lead designer gabe@themetrospirit.com

BrendaCarter|senior account executive brenda@themetrospirit.com

AmyChristian|arts editor/production director amy@themetrospirit.com

JoeWhite|publisher joe@themetrospirit.com

JohnnyBeckworth|circulation manager johnny@themetrospirit.com

Michael-RKQVRQ_VLJKWLQJV Valerie(PHULFN_ZULWHU Amy3HUNLQV_HGLWRULDO LQWHUQ Laura3HUU\_YROXQWHHU KristinHawkins|editorial intern

WHINELINE

Funny how someone who constantly rails against “The Cabal” and their backroom deals was in fact seeking a backroom deal of his own to get a no-bid contract with the city. Hypocrisy at it its height.

My wife, some friends and I went to a new ethnic place downtown. This seemed like a place that hasn’t been getting as much hype as some of the others, so why not give it a shot? It was terrible. From the quality of Dear Matt Stone, From the the food to the service there way you talk on the radio, were no redeeming qualities. you could care less about your absolutely gorgeous

girlfriend. If you don’t want her, I definitely do. P.S. Stop overplaying new Alice In Chains songs and NEVER EVER play Foxy Shazam again. To the 3 ladies on Wheeler Road who monogram. Money is green not white nor black. I was unaware that is was a private sale the sign reads 25% -50%

all merchandise. I guess I should have used the back entrance. I hope you told the customer who did not allow me in how this ANGRY BLACK FEMALE called back and cursed you out. I guess you did not expect me to react that way nor have sense enough to write the to Whine Line. If you do not like black patrons why in the Hell are

o r t e m IRIT SP you in the middle of our community. Go to Columbia County but I forgot we are out there too eating good, riding good, and LIVING GOOD. May your business conitnue to prosper in the HEART of our community! (continued on page 42)

Patching It Up: Commission considers partnering with Paul Simon on beleaguered golf course Squared Away: Marshall Square finally gets its residents

Improper Restraints: Operation Thunder uncovers significant danger to children

COVER DESIGN: KRUHU Want to advertise in the Metro Spirit? 706.496.2535 or 706.373.3636

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INSIDER@THEMETROSPIRIT.COM Insider is an anonymous, opinion-based examination of the hidden details of Augusta politics and personalities.

SIDER

We Are Who We Are This St. Patty’s Day, don’t expect the same “Garbage Gate” debacle that we had last year. If you remember, last year’s St. Patrick’s Day parade fell on a Saturday, which was the first St. Patrick’s Day to fall on a Saturday in quite a while. Because of that, no one really thought about the trash left behind. Oops. Well, there were lots of people and even more trash. Fred Russell stated flatly that the city dropped the ball, and they did. But Insiders with the city say we shouldn’t expect the same thing this year. There is a plan in place to clean up after the massive crowd expected for Saturday’s parade. If you’re new to town, Augusta is a strange place. We come out in full force for St. Patrick’s Day. Cinco de Mayo may as well be a celebration to the founding of the city. Free fireworks shows? Bedlam. And Masters Week, we all try to make a quick buck… though that is quickly dwindling as the National annexes the city. Oh, and we Augustans don’t pay for parking and we don’t pay cover charges.

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Long Way Down The public spotlight is as tempting to some folks as a bug zapper is to a mosquito. Sometimes the public spotlight has the same public effect as the aforementioned zapper. Roger Davis is entered into evidence as article A. An extremely talented vocalist, he has been in the music business in Augusta for well over 20 years. Fronting the band Number 9 was probably his highest profile gig up until marrying Lori Davis. An accidental activist, Mrs. Davis found herself living in Harrisburg, a low-income, high-crime area for decades. After an unsuccessful bid for the mayor’s office, she discovered Facebook… a social media website founded by hoodie cyborg Mark Zuckerberg that created a place for people to “connect.” What followed was a clumsy, knockabout web presence that envisioned conspiracies and made libelous accusations from a group of other locals who found the intoxicating pull of politics and notoriety so delicious. Along the way, the more fringe elements were dispatched, leaving a small group of gadflys pumping insults and accusations at politicians, developers and certainly anyone of means. The irony is too palpable to attempt to contextualize. As Mrs. Davis was at a West Augusta Alliance meeting, described by those in attendance as loudly vocalizing her frustration at the lack of police presence in Harrisburg, her husband rolled through a roadblock in Harrisburg. He was arrested for DUI. The drug dealers, low-income renters, the people she has been railing against for the past few years all of the sudden are on equal ground. On Roger’s Facebook page from February 17, was this quote: “Had a great time at The Foxes Lair last night....Thanks to everyone who braved the cold and the RCSO to come see us....” High horses can lead to a big fall.

Patched Paul Simon’s proposal to take over yet another piece of city property was amazingly well received by the Augusta Commission, which seemed to be more than happy to play the Devil You Know and put that damn golf course behind them. It was certainly strange to see committed adversaries like Bill Lockett and Alvin Mason singing Simon’s praises. So much that it turned attention away from Corey Johnson, whose decision several weeks ago to slow the decision process down in favor of waiting for the new recreation director to have a say pretty much left the Virginia Beach folks without a project. Apparently, Simon’s deal for the Patch was so good, it didn’t need that approval, because Johnson seemed more than happy to keep the new guy out of the loop. Maybe with Censure Fever, he forgot they hired one.

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Slow Your Roll The Rand Paul edition

About a week ago, Senator Rand Paul held the Senate floor for approximately nine hours in an unsuccessful attempt to filibuster the Obama administration’s appointment of John O. Brennan as CIA director. The filibuster is one of those quaint, almost yesteryear senatorial tools that, as far as we know, has only been used for the purposes of pure good or pure evil: Strom Thurmond famously filibustered the Civil Rights Act of 1957 for over 24 hours, ostensibly due to his concerns over toowidespread federal power (“all the laws of Washington and all the bayonets of the Army cannot force the Negro into our homes, into our schools, our churches and our places of recreation and amusement”), while Jimmy Stewart singlehandedly rhetoricized evil fat men to death in “Mr. Smith Goes to Washington” with little more than folksy charm and failing brylcreem. Paul is likely doing this just to be a jerk because, well, Rand Paul is a jerk. Republicans filibustered Chuck Hagel’s appointment as Secretary of Defense in a move that was widely criticized as little more than the latest in a series of thinly veiled attempts to slow President Obama’s agenda at all costs. Hagel is, after all, a proponent of using aerial drones in combat, and a pretty fierce war hawk, two of the only things that Republicans love more than legislating vaginas and gay men. If this were a GOP appointment, it would be smooth sailing. The issue in question here is the Obama administration’s legitimization of aerial drone strikes against U.S. citizens on U.S. soil, essentially an offshoot of the NDAA’s (the law, on the books since the George W. years, that allows the federal government to seize and detain, without justification or limit, U.S. citizens). It’s a screamingly unjust, invasive, downright stupid thing to do, and makes supporting the man that much more difficult. Paul’s actions got a lot of grave head-nodding-in-assent from both sides of the aisle, though how much of that was posturing is up for debate. For the Paul clan, this is familiar senatorial game-making: it doesn’t matter how much crazy s**t either of them say or do throughout their careers, as long as they say or do at least one sane, inoffensive thing every now and then (protest the Iraq War, raise concerns about American imperialism, not crowing about a return to the gold standard) to wipe the slate clean. Fortunately, we have the internet, so all that gobsmacking insanity and douchebaggery is out there for all to see. So please, consider these Rand Paul tidbits, political science majors, before you Sharpie “Rand” over your Ron Paul bumper stickers.

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1. White Supremacist: Check My word. Where to start? With Chris Hightower, hired as Paul’s campaign spokesman, only to resign after a slew of — ahem — ethically questionable facts arose, including a message posted on his MySpace (remember that?) wall on Martin Luther King Day, wishing Chris a “HAPPY N***** DAY!” beside a picture of a lynched AfricanAmerican man? Hightower didn’t post the message, but he also left it up there for two straight years. With his telling Rachel Maddow he thought it was alright for businesses to discriminate based on skin color? With his taking money from known and documented white supremacists like Carl Ford, William Johnson and the Stormfront organization (and not giving it back once he found out about it)? With his status as conspiracy-radio wingnut and race-baiting blowhard Alex Jones’ BFF? Jeez. I spent so much time figuring out where to start, now I’m finished. 2. He Thinks Obama is a Bond Villain Back on August 14, Rand Paul used his Senate Twitter account to post the following message, verbatim: “Mad a/b the weather or bad forecasts? I wouldn’t complain, Nat’l Weather Svc just ordered 46k hollow point bullets.” Now, uttered in a vacuum, that kind of statement has a sarcastic, self-effacing ring to it. It’s pretty harmless, in and of itself, and all you’ve got to do in order to make sure it doesn’t sound like far-right, survivalist-pandering, bedwetting conspiracy theory bulls**t is to not then direct your Twitter followers to Alex Jones’ infowars. com, the leading source of far-right, survivalist-pandering, bedwetting conspiracy theory bulls**t. So of course Rand Paul directed his Twitter followers to the leading source of far-right, et.al. Now don’t get me wrong: if Paul were right, and Obama was arming the nation’s weathermen to suppress civil unrest, then, my friends, we would bear witness to the world’s slapstick-iest war ever. Turns out, however, the bullets were sent to the NOAA Fisheries Office of Law Enforcement. Rand Paul knows as much about fact-checking as a suppository knows about fact-checking. 3. He Doesn’t Understand the Way Government Works After the Supreme Court declared Obamacare constitutional last summer, Rand Paul had this to say on the matter: “Just because a couple people on the Supreme Court declare something to be ‘constitutional’ does not make it so.

The whole thing remains unconstitutional,” the freshman lawmaker said in a statement. “While the court may have erroneously come to the conclusion that the law is allowable, it certainly does nothing to make this mandate or government takeover of our health care right.” Constitutional scholars would agree with pretty much everything before “and after.” Rand Paul doesn’t understand that in order to have the authority to be against something — if you want, that is, to set yourself apart from slobbering lunatics and Unabombers — you have to first make an effort to grasp the concept of what it is you’re against in the first place. It’s why boxers study endless hours of tape on their opponents, and why a cat regards lint with utter wonder until it decides to pounce. But not so if you’re Rand Paul. First of all, if just “a couple people on the Supreme Court” declared Obamacare constitutional, it wouldn’t have been declared constitutional. The Supreme Court found it legal by a 5-4 vote which, in freshman-level civics terms, translates to “majority, a-hole.” Second, Rand Paul boasts no prior political experience, no tangible leadership roles on his CV. His entire resume rests on “I began life doing the backstroke in Ron Paul’s nutsack,” and that’s what his entire political career will rest upon as well. If the Republican Party has any sense, they’ll do to Paul, Santorum, Bachmann and the like what they did to the John Birch Society: say “f*** you very much, now get out.” If you allow your bigoted, white supremacist-courting, government-hating conspiracy theorists to speak out for you on any issue, you become the party of bigoted, white supremacist yadda yadda yadda. Look to the Democrats: when they risked becoming the Party of Exposed Genitals, they distanced themselves with the quickness. This is probably the most surreal sentence I’ll type all year, but the GOP could learn a lot from Anthony Weiner’s penis. Some facts, figures and paraphrasing from The Daily Kos, The Stranger, JackandJill.com.

JOSHRUFFIN, a Metro Spirit alum, is a published

journalist and poet who just received his MFA from Georgia College & State University. He was once the most un-intimidating bouncer at Soul Bar.

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The Law Enforcement Secrets You Don’t Know Spent more than a few hours this week chasing down some

bizarre twists and turns in cases that should be well known to Augusta news consumers, cases involving deaths, rape and more questionable personal behavior by people who should know better than I can shake a stick at. We begin with the sad and bizarre situation involving Augusta Judicial Circuit Public Defender Alexia Davis and the circus that has erupted over her arrest for failing to promptly turn over to authorities the valuable diamond ring she and a co-worker found in the parking lot of a Columbia County restaurant. A weekend press conference held on her behalf, heavily populated with minority community leaders and her own legal team, seemed to infer some nefarious intent on behalf of the Columbia County law enforcement team that was responsible for charging her in the case. What you did not know, and I am now happy to tell you, is that the main reason authorities had little choice but to move forward with the charge of “theft of lost or mislaid property” against Davis. Her own friend and co-worker, fellow attorney and public defender Katrell Nash, was the individual who provided some of the key information that law enforcement used to build what some are calling a rather substantial case against Davis. It was Nash who is seen in the infamous security footage, returning to the cashier at the Cracker Barrel, to announce that she and her friend had found the diamond ring. Nash did exactly what she should have done, inquiring if the ring had been reported lost, and then when told it had not been, assuring the cashier that they would turn the ring in to the proper authorities. And Nash believed Davis was going to do that, because she reportedly said that she would. Fast forward two weeks to Nash being confronted with her

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own image on video attached to a crime story connected to the missing piece of jewelry, with the admonition that “if you know who this woman is, please contact local police...” I am told that to say she was livid would be an overwhelming understatement. It was the statements of Katrell Nash, along with other vital evidence in the case, that created the foundation on which the allegations were built and the charges were brought. No one, and I mean no one, took any pleasure or joy in moving this case forward. To say there is a racial motive in prosecuting Davis would be more than a lie, it would be a damn lie, and I am more than happy to say that in the face of anyone who claims otherwise. Katrell Nash, who is still employed in the public defender’s office, and is still an officer of the court in good standing, just happens to be a black lady. I have no idea if Davis is guilty or not, but let the courts decide the case, and keep the race card out of the process. By the time the accused Paine College rapist is tried, there is a pretty good chance that the man charged with the crime isn’t the only person who could be made to pay a steep price. Jarious Rayshawn Dantzler has been charged with a rape that occurred in a Graham Hall dorm bathroom last Thursday. He has also been charged in a separate incident, a November 2012 attempted rape, that was so described in the Augusta Chronicle’s article on the arrest of the accused: “Dantzler was (also) charged in the Nov. 18 attempted rape of a 19-year-old in Graham Hall. “That woman told police she returned to her room after a trip to the bathroom and was lying on her bed when a man with a cloth over his face tried to lie down beside her. The man tried to cover her face and mouth with a blanket and remove his pants. Police said she fought him and yelled for

help as he ran away.” While that sounds like a horrific ordeal that would normally be headline news, it apparently was not. There is no report of that incident in the paper in the days following the attack, nor do any of my TV reporter colleagues recall covering the story on their respective newscasts. It sure did not make my radio show, or the Spirit, or The Jail Report. It is as if the crime had never occurred. The Sheriff’s Department was called out to investigate and work up the crime scene, which they did. The victim has since left town. She actually left the morning after the attack, and according to sources, has vowed never to return. But it was up to Paine College officials to warn students of a violent sex criminal in their midst, and it appears they did not follow through. Their lack of concern apparently played a role in Dantzler’s decision to return to the same dorm, and this time succeed in his evil quest. The lackadaisical response to the incident appears to be in direct defiance of The Clery Act. The Clery Act is a federal law that requires colleges to not only keep detailed on-campus crime stats, but to give timely warnings of crimes that represent a threat to the safety of students or employees. An attempted rape in a girl’s dorm room by a masked man qualifies as such a threat. If Paine cannot prove due diligence in reporting the event and warning students, they face fines in the tens of thousands of dollars. Of course, that is nothing compared to the check they may have to write to the young lady who was last week’s victim. What kind of price goes to properly sooth such hideous negligence?

AUSTINRHODES

The views expressed are the opinions of Austin Rhodes and do not necessarily represent the views of the publisher.

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ERICJOHNSON

Patching It Up

Commission considers partnering with Paul Simon on beleaguered golf course Paul Simon

Commissioner Bill Lockett, a vocal and longstanding critic of the management agreements for the TEE Center and its parking deck, found himself surprisingly allied with the architect of those agreements when it came to the management of city’s municipal golf course, known as “The Patch.” Paul Simon, whose Augusta Riverfront LLC manages the city-owned convention center and parking deck, approached the Public Services Committee Monday with the idea of a partnership between the First Tee of Augusta, a youth golf program that he helped establish and for which he’s currently chairman emeritus, and the city that would keep the Patch open and under the city’s control. Previous plans, including the failed lease to a Scottish businessman and a recent, aborted 8

METROSPIRITAUGUSTA’S INDEPENDENT VOICE SINCE 1989

attempt to lease it to Virginia Beach Golf Management, have limited the city’s control over the property, considered to be an asset by many on the commission, including Donnie Smith, who said city mismanagement has been responsible for running it into the ground. This plan would be a partnership that would leave the city responsible for losses, yet allow it a 50/50 share of the profits. Lockett congratulated Simon for the idea and its execution. “For the last three years, I fought bout after bout after bout telling us not to give it away, that the Patch is a gold mine for us, that we can make money off of it,” Lockett said. “Some of my colleagues have tried to give it away, they tried to sell it, they tried to get it in a hundred-year lease — they tried everything. But I’m glad to see, Mr. Simon, that finally today I have someone on my side that recognizes what the Municipal Golf

Course is all about and what an asset it could be for this community.” Given Lockett’s previous hostility, that was high praise indeed, and Simon took it as such. “Most cities would give their right arm to have a golf course within the city limits of this quality that they could develop and offer an opportunity to everybody to play golf,” Simon said, emphasizing the populist nature of the course. “Now, [Development Director] Walter Sprouse can say to a company president when somebody calls about coming to Augusta they he can be a member at West Lake or the Augusta Country Club, but his workers, who can’t afford that, don’t have a reasonable place to play, and I think this would do it.” Simon said the idea for the partnership started to form the last time he was before the commission to talk about the convention center, during which commissioners were discussing what to do with 07MARCH2013

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the Patch after the Virginia Beach firm withdrew its proposal. Then, he said, commissioners were talking about everything from closing the Patch, as well as the aquatic center and the tennis center, to investing a significant portion of remaining SPLOST money into the course to improve the chances of leasing it to simply finding the proper person to manage the facility. He simply connected the dots. “Taking all that into consideration, I started thinking about how the First Tee could fit in,” he said. Simon was chairman of the group that started the First Tee of Augusta approximately 15 years ago, navigating the process of getting it built and operational. The Arnold Palmer-designed six-hole course abuts the Patch, and by last year it was serving more than 1,000 students a year, teaching golf and life skills to a diverse group of students Simon described as a cross section of the community. Thirty-seven percent of the students are female, more than 50 percent are minority and, economically, participants are distributed across the financial spectrum. The partnership Simon proposed would be similar to the one he crafted for the convention center, in that the Fore Augusta Foundation, the nonprofit that runs the First Tee, would submit an annual plan to the commission for approval. “You would have the opportunity to approve the rates that we’re charging, the membership fees that we’re charging and the capital improvements that we need,” he said. “We would share the profits of the Patch 50/50.” Simon said he expected the arrangement to bring the city more than the $25,000 proposed by the Virginia Beach firm. It’s a risk and reward similar to what he ultimately asked them to do with the management of the TEE Center, though in this case, the direct rewards are more tangible and likely more forthcoming. According to Simon, the liabilities of the plan are something the commission has already considered and the assets would lie in the advantages of consolidating the operations of the two facilities. “Under [Commissioner Marion Williams’] idea, if you ran the Patch, you’d suffer the losses,” Simon said. “You also have the capital improvements responsibility. I’m asking you to do the same thing under this plan — you fund the losses. But the losses will be less because we can operate it cheaper than anybody else.” Administrator Fred Russell seemed to agree, stating that although the two companies previously interested in managing the Patch were still expressing interest in the project, he slowed down the process after speaking with Simon. “After taking with Mr. Simon about a week and a half ago, I’m of the opinion that we could better tailor the deal that makes you happy if we deal locally,” he said. While the committee asked Russell to move the process forward, the overall reaction to the idea appeared overwhelmingly positive, even from those like Lockett who have been critical of Simon’s previous projects. Commissioner Alvin Mason, who described the golf course gem that needed to be polished rather than a diamond in the rough, called it a good day. “To look across and see you advocate for this — there’s something about it,” he said. “The look on your face is totally different. I just find that your passion about this is captivating.”

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ERICJOHNSON

Squared Away

Marshall Square finally gets its residents

A Lincoln, Nebraska, company has succeeded in convincing Columbia County commissioners to allow apartments in the Marshall Square development by Evans Towne Center Park. The key word? Seniors. While commissioners fought tooth and nail to keep regular apartments off the property four years ago, the upscale senior apartments breezed through with hardly a bump. “It’s like a cruise ship on land,” says Planning Commission Chair Jean Garniewicz. “And that’s literally a quote from the gentlemen who came and talked to us.” Resort Lifestyle Communities owns several independent living communities across the nation, with four more headed to the Southeast. “It’s a beautiful facility,” Garniewicz says. “The main area has shops in it, a local bank, a hairdresser — they call it a Main Street type of thing.” They also have a formal dining room, a grab and go kitchen area and a sandwich shop/coffee shop, all of which is included in the rental price, which developers say averages $3,000 a month. Several years ago, a county survey identified senior citizens as a target group, and for good reason. From a city planning point of view, they are the right people — they typically have a disposable income and they tread lightly on county resources. “Personally, I’ve always been a big proponent of encouraging retirees to move into our county,” says Commissioner Trey Allen, who joined the unanimous approval of the project (Charles Allen abstained). “They

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don’t stress the infrastructure. They don’t put a burden on the school system. And they usually have disposable income.” Given that favorable make up and the county’s fear that conventional apartments would destroy the town center concept they’re still striving for, Allen made sure the $20 million, 140-unit complex will continue to serve the senior population beyond the current owner. “Part of the motion is that if, for whatever reason, the current operation doesn’t succeed or they choose to sell it, it cannot change usage, including the senior designation, without another rezoning,” he says. “So they can sell it to another person who wants to use it as rental units for seniors, but they can not sell it to a company that wants to turn them into apartments.” Allen maintains there’s a difference between people who are living in apartments because they can’t afford to buy a house and people who live in apartments because they don’t want to be encumbered by a house. “The motivations are totally different,” Allen says. “The seniors are choosing this lifestyle, and it’s an elegant lifestyle.” Garniewicz says she thought it was a good project when she first read the report, but seeing the presentation and hearing the information presented by company representatives drove the message home that this was the kind of project they’d been waiting for. And though the facility is fairly self-contained and the average age is 82, she says that the type of seniors who choose to live in the company’s other facilities are anything but retiring. “It’s been their experience that the people who live there love to get out in the community and socialize and be a part

of it,” she says. “They want to be close by so they can walk to a park, they can walk to the library, they can walk to the government center. They want walking around area, and that’s why they like that area. It’s close to everything.” She says the company, which is also building new facilities in Raleigh, Mt. Pleasant and Naples, scouted several area locations before settling on the Marshall Square property. Originally, the county had a grand design to turn the entire tract of land above Evans Town Center Boulevard into a town center, but the economic downturn crippled the idea of residential over retail that was at the heart of the original Town Center concept. “At one time, the idea of living over the shops was great, but that’s fallen apart literally everywhere,” Garniewicz says. “That atmosphere is difficult to create.” In its place, developers planned a large apartment complex, and after months of excruciating negotiations with the developer, the commission approved a plan, but with a density the developers decided they were unable to make profitable. That development died, as did the $57 million lawsuit that followed. In 2009, the county purchased 25 acres of the property, settling the lawsuit and giving the county a final, absolute say in the look and use of the area. According to Allen, the new senior apartments complement the county’s vision for the 25 acres. “We’re waiting for the right plan to still create a lifestyle center and a downtown feeling,” he says. “And I think where you drop a 140 ready made occupants there with a disposable income — because if they’re spending the kind of money they’re spending on those rooms, then they have really good demographics — then I think that can’t help but draw people to that area and spur development.” And with that average age of 82, there are several more years of baby boomers who will continue to be looking for similar housing opportunities. Though when compared to the previous development ideas, this one passed quickly through the commission, Allen says it wasn’t just a quick sign off. “We have gone back to them and had them work with our Planning Department, and what they’re building here will have a more aesthetically appealing exterior than anything they’ve built anywhere else,” he says. “This is even an upgrade for them.” Another potential positive for the community lies in the large concentration of older people, who typically desire quick and convenient health care. Allen says such a development could only help build a case for the hospitals that are battling the state for the opportunity to build a medical facility in the county.

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Coming Soon to Evans! Opening May 2013

4349 Washington Road Across from Mellow Mushroom in front of Kroger

Phyllis Salazar Vice President & Ofﬁce Manager 706-650-2265

www.firstbankofga.com 12 METROSPIRITAUGUSTA’S INDEPENDENT VOICE SINCE 1989

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SEVEN BLURBS FOR SEVEN BIOGRAPHIES By Samuel A. Donaldson / Edited by Will Shortz

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Many an aria Notable flop Chicago lakefront attraction Family head Nasty ones “Required reading for all ‘Purple Rain’ fans who think their idol is too goody-goody” 91 Night lights 92 Very often 93 Take the lion’s share of 94 Duffer’s hazard 97 Drives a getaway car, maybe 98 British submachine gun 99 Reach rival 101 Duffer’s org. 102 Like some calls 103 “A gripping narrative about one folk singer’s violent turn against Paul Simon” 106 It beats ace-high 107 Open quality 108 “___ Restaurant” 109 Bulb unit 110 Northeast nickname 111 Political symbol

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“___ your mother” Like tweets, by necessity “Tombstone” role Some fight finishes, for short ___-Z (classic car) Retailer for Rover Composer of the “Gold and Silver” waltz 44 Falco of “Nurse Jackie” 45 Be all thumbs as a writer? 46 Word with pay or page 49 Pale 50 Food Network host Guy 51 Former “Idol” judge 52 An ending to beat 56 Prefix with phobia 58 Receiving stats 59 Calif.-to-Fla. hwy. 60 Blemish 61 N.B.A. part: Abbr. 62 In that case 63 Plastic casing for some pills 64 Donnybrook 65 Fargo’s partner 66 “Nice and slow” 69 Take aboard a spaceship, maybe 70 One of a nautical trio Down 71 Last Incan emperor 1 When many bars close 72 Casino that’s partly underwater? 2 Fruity sodas 73 Long expeditions 3 Dry ones 74 Butt (in) 4 Abbr. sometimes seen twice in a 75 Sexologist’s subject row 76 Clop maker 5 Trivial Pursuit category: Abbr. 77 “Charlotte’s Web” girl 6 French press remnants 79 Old Italian dough 7 Des ___ 83 Two-___ (extended TV episode) 8 Lodges 84 Author with a fan site called 9 Certain frat boy “Into the Wardrobe” 10 Completely remove 85 Unvoiced 11 Put teeth into 86 It may get squandered in a game 12 Fine-tune 88 Diner 13 Christian name? 89 “Wheel of Fortune” category 14 Bond, for one 90 Din 15 Winter supply usually stored 95 Match outside 96 Stooge 16 Start of Willa Cather’s Great Plains 98 Actor LaBeouf trilogy 99 Spirit ___ Louis 17 Give an anticorrosive coating 100 String tie 18 Check out 102 Avian call 21 Cigarette purchase 103 File extension 23 Reflex test site 104 Mens ___ 28 Start of an elimination process 105 End: Fr. 30 Reserved to the maximum extent 32 Some bathroom crystals

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Across 1 Insect pupa sold as fish food 7 Doesn’t get the memo, maybe 15 Make do 19 Show instability 20 Offering with potato chips 21 Amount owed by an insurance policy holder 22 “It’s worth it just for Ms. Behar’s famous lasagna recipe” 24 Crop up 25 Cleverness 26 TV’s Peter and literature’s Ben 27 Walk through 28 Mathematician Paul 29 Bolivian bears 31 Born as 32 British actress Diana 33 “Start already!” 35 “An insightful look at how playing Miss Brooks took its toll on Ms. Arden” 39 Spanish beaches 41 Cole Porter title woman 42 Slickers and galoshes 43 Conger catcher 44 Captain Hook’s alma mater 46 Engine attachment 47 Crumbs 48 “You don’t have to be a gardener to dig this book about Kerouac’s tools” 52 Long time follower? 53 Sight at a supermarket or golf course 54 Pack number 55 Indisposed 56 Relief 57 Anesthesiologists’ locales, for short 58 “Finally, we learn how one Jonas brother defined an entire generation” 63 Jaguar rival 66 Frozen dessert name 67 It could pave the way 68 Second most populous continent: Abbr. 69 On the safe side 70 Legal helpers, briefly 73 “Clinton’s a well-known southpaw, so this exposé on his other-handed punches is an eye-opener” 78 “Really?” 79 Writer ___ Hubbard

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CREATIVITY CAN BEElliottUPLIFTING Sons Funeral Homes ELLIOTTFUNERALHOME.COM

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GREGORY A. BAKER, PH.D

Next After ‘X’ And the unlikely star of SXSW

Even after two and a half years, I still love my Droid X. It was the first phone that I owned that I didn’t have to do a battery yank every day. The picture quality is great for a mobile and, to this day, I’m still amazed at how often you need to take a quick snapshot or video. The other absolute requirement, GPS and Google Maps, was also an unforeseen necessity. I can’t count the number of times that my Droid got me where I needed to go. Browsing has always sucked, but let’s face, browsing wasn’t the strong suit of the iPhone 4 or any other device with a 3.5” screen. So why am I telling you all this? About a month ago, I was on my way to an appointment when I noticed that my Droid wasn’t connecting to GPS. Turns out, something went flaky on the RF, and the mobile hotspot isn’t working either. A couple of weeks later, like a cancer, an air-bubble-like spot appeared on the display. Finally, the unthinkable happened — the phone froze-up and I had to yank the battery to reset. I can deny it all I want, but the reality remains: My phone is about to die. Anyone in this same situation has two choices: Get an iPhone or get something else. Well, I guess a few folk may opt for the corporate-issued Blackberry, but that’s not really an option for me. First, the qwerty keyboard is practically impossible to use considering I only have half my right thumb. Secondly, I successfully navigated the 1990s once. Why do it again? Any-hoo… my wife, my father, my brothers and virtually everyone that works at CMA has an iPhone. I understand its ease of use, its simplicity, its ability to integrate with my MacBook Air and still bring a high level of productivity into the business world. Every person who asks for a mobile phone recommendation, I tell them, “Get an iPhone!” So you should not be surprised that my first choice for a new mobile will be… the Samsung Galaxy S4. The debut of the GS4 is March 14 (uh, today). Interestingly, Samsung is more tight-lipped regarding the GS4 than Apple was about the iPhone 5. Rumors include a 5-inch 1080p display, a 13-megapixel camera, quadcore processor and Jelly Bean. All of these are tech spec improvements from the GS3. In addition to the new features that Jelly Bean brings, Samsung is rumored to be including eye-tracking software that allows the user to perform certain tasks by moving their eyes. Tres cool! I hope the debut of the phone will be as cool as it appears to be. If not, that’s okay. I’ll get an iPhone. Honestly, the more concerning issue will be the change of data plans. I’m grandfathered into the Verizon’s old unlimited data plan. Kiss that bye-bye. Maybe I’ll go check out other carriers. Just between you and me, the pink T-Mobile chick is much more persuasive at selling mobile service that the “Can you hear me now?” guy. SXSW — Having lived in Austin for seven years, the dates for South-by-Southwest will be permanently stamped on my calendar. SXSW originally started as a backroom music festival and has been overrun by the tech industry. It’s now one of the premier media festivals in the world. Events include a full-blown film festival, music festival and technology developer conference, all packed into a downtown with about 20 square blocks of bars, restaurants and other nightlife. With the 50,000-student University of Texas forming its core, the city of Austin celebrates its counter culture (“Keep Austin Weird” is an unofficial motto) and doesn’t take any nonsense from anyone. (“Don’t Mess with Texas” is not a motto — it’s a philosophy.) Without a Twitter or Foursquare making headlines, no doubt this is an off year for the festival. I understand that Al Gore had a talk about creating the Internet, and Elon Musk, founder of SpaceX, showed a video of rocket technology designed return launch vehicles back to the launch pad. But the biggest star of the conference is not a famous celebrity or businessman. It’s not even a rising director, musician or entrepreneur. The star of SXSW is an Internet sensation that no doubt you’ve seen. She has the expression of a father kicked out of bed for the 2 a.m. feeding, or a wife who just found out that poker night is more important than date night, or a child who has discovered for the first time that stuff costs money. Yes, you know who I’m talking about. The star of SXSW 2013 is named Tardar Sauce, but we all know her as Grumpy Cat! Until next time, I’m off the grid @gregory_a_baker.

GREGORY A. BAKER, PH.D, is vice president and chief rocket scientist for CMA, which provides information technology services to CSRA businesses and nonprofits. 16 METROSPIRITAUGUSTA’S INDEPENDENT VOICE SINCE 1989

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ERICJOHNSON

On Target

Program takes aim at women

Over the last 13 years, nearly 80,000 women have been introduced to firearm safety through a women’s-only program run by the National Rifle Association called Women on Target. Some women go on to participate in shooting sports while others stop with the confidence that comes with knowing how to safely operate a gun. But those involved say that there is value in however far the women choose to go. For Donna Mathews, the woman’s program coordinator at Pinetucky Gun Club and a Women on Target instructor, firearms have been a way of life for as long as she can remember. “I was raised around guns, but we didn’t do it as a sport,” she says. “It was used more for killing snakes in the garden or shooting squirrels that were eating the pecans. I grew up around them, but it wasn’t something I did on a regular basis.” Her interest continued through adulthood, and around 2007 she attended her first Women on Target event. “I went and took the class and really enjoyed it,” she says. “I went back and took it again, and that time, I volunteered and started helping. The course opened up for instructors and I’ve been hooked ever since.” She says women generally find the learning process more satisfying when being taught by another woman. “Women are a lot more timid,” she says. “They have a lot more of a fear, and men don’t have that same fear. I think for women, it’s really a fear of the unknown, and once they 18 METROSPIRITAUGUSTA’S INDEPENDENT VOICE SINCE 1989

realize — hey, I can do this — they’re excellent shooters. They pick it up really quick.” Though she has taught men to shoot — particularly her son and husband, who were both shotgun experts but knew little about the pistols that she favors — she says that for the most part, she would rather teach other women to shoot. “It’s a lot easier,” she says. “I’ve had a lot of ladies that say, ‘My husband has tried to teach me, but I can’t do it and we get frustrated with each other.’ Even for me it’s easier when my husband’s not the instructor.” Women on Target was founded in 2000 and is a basic course designed to introduce female shooters to the fundamentals of safe shooting. “It’s been growing by an average of nine percent a year,” says Diane Danielson, NRA’s Women on Target Instructional Shooting Clinic coordinator. “Our biggest year was 2012, where the program experienced a 26 percent increase in attendance.” That mushrooming growth rises out of a variety of relationships. “Women have boyfriends who shoot, girlfriends who shoot or husbands who shoot, and they want to get involved,” Danielson says. “We’ve heard all sorts of stories — a grandmother who brought her granddaughter so she could learn, a mother who wanted a taste of what her son was experiencing in basic training and a single mom who was looking for a better way to protect herself at home.” The Women on Target program provides all of those ladies with a great first step into the shooting sports.” Mathews says last year, each of the five Women on Target clinics she coordinated averaged about 30 women. “The very last one we had in November, we signed up 30 women and tried to cap it, but 40 women showed up.”

Last weekend’s Women on Target event at Pinetucky came with lunch, so organizers attempted to cap it at 20 participants. They ended up accepting 22 and turning 10 women away. Next weekend, Mathews will be conducting a basic instruction clinic at the Devereaux Hunting Club property in Burke County, and while it’s not an NRA-sanctioned event, it’s one that the better halves of the club members have shown an interest in for quite some time. “It’s become a very hot topic,” says Hap Harris, who has been president of the club since 1985. “Women are wanting to defend themselves, which I think is a good thing.” Through his wife, Harris learned that just because women are comfortable around shotguns and rifles doesn’t mean they’re comfortable around handguns. “My wife has an absolute phobia about pistols,” Harris says. 07MARCH2013

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“In all the years, she wouldn’t touch a pistol.” Harris says that he decided one day not to take her no for an answer. “I looked my wife in the eye and said — ‘Hey, I’d rather have to come up with the money for a counselor for you than to have to go out and pick out a casket for you,’” he told her. “Heaven forbid it ever happens. I’m betting it’s not going to happen in my home, but I will bet you it’s going to happen in somebody’s house.” Ironically, his wife will miss the course because of a cruise, but Harris says he’s planning on making sure she gets the instruction, even if he has to arrange for one-on-one session with Mathews. While putting together Women on Target programs takes a lot of work, Danielson says participants tend to feel it’s worth it. “What they get from the program is a fun, safe introduction into the world of firearms,” she says. “It’s a safe environment, it’s a controlled environment, and thanks to all the other women in attendance, it’s a more comfortable environment for them to learn. There’s a spontaneous eruption of camaraderie that only women can experience.” Over the years, Mathews has seen that camaraderie blossom and grow into confidence.” “I try to tell women — don’t be scared of it, but have a healthy respect for it,” she says. “Respect that it can kill you and it can hurt somebody and damage things. The more you shoot, the more confident you should feel, and the more confident you feel, the more you’re going to be aware of what you’re doing and how you’re doing it.” Along with the guided instruction, the program also provides material and informational souvenirs that help guide participants toward additional shooting activities through the NRA and their local ranges. Though the NRA has become famous — or infamous, depending on your point of view — for its political lobbying, that role is only a part of what the organization does. In addition to influencing policy, the NRA administers 178 programs and puts on over 11,000 sanctioned competitions every year. According to Danielson, interest in the Women on Target program has been consistent throughout the country, though California leads the nation in the number of clinics held, followed by North Carolina. And while several factors bring women to the shooting range for the first time, Mathews

says one reason seems to rise to the top. “Personal safety,” she says. “A lot of people are by themselves and they’re seeing an increase in crime and they need to protect themselves.” In the wake of so many high-profile shootings, the Second Amendment has become on of those hot button issues that Mathews tries to take in stride. “For me, it’s a personal decision if somebody owns a firearm or not,” she says. Me, personally — if you’re going to have one, I would love to teach you how to shoot it properly and safely and accurately. That’s where I’m at. If I was running for Miss America, that would be my platform — firearm safety. That is what I’m passionate about.” To Mathews, helping other women become empowered through safely and effectively using a handgun leaves her with a special feeling. “They see that they can do it,” she says. “One of the girls I trained this weekend cried after her first shot because she didn’t want to do it. But she kept at it and she shot at least 20 rounds with a .22 and then she shot her mother’s .38. She was just scared, but afterward she thought — I can do this. I can shoot and hit that target and I’m okay.” 07MARCH2013

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R.U.N.E

ARE YOU NOT ENTERTAINED

A MODERN PERFORMANCE DANCE COMPANY NAMED AFTER A PHOTOTROPHIC FUNGUS FOUND IN FARMYARDS — THAT’S ALMOST AS STRANGE AS WHAT YOU’LL SEE ON STAGE SATURDAY NIGHT AT THE IMPERIAL THEATRE, WHEN PILOBOLUS DANCE THEATRE PERFORMS. A PRESENTATION OF THE AUGUSTA BALLET, THE GROUP, NOW IN ITS 42ND YEAR, USES ITS DANCERS BODIES LIKE NO OTHER GROUP. IT’S SOMETHING YOU’LL DEFINITELY NOT WANT TO MISS BECAUSE YOU MIGHT NOT EVER SEE ANYTHING LIKE IT AGAIN. MEMBERS OF THE TROUPE WILL ALSO CONDUCT TWO MASTER CLASSES AT DAVIDSON ON FRIDAY BY ADVANCED RESERVATION.

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YOU WON’T BELIEVE YOUR EYES

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For the past twelve years, Dr. Andy Allgood, and his dedicated team along with patients, have donated their time, talent, and resources to help children's charities in the CSRA through a special tooth whitening program. Patients in the Augusta area have been able to have their smiles brightened while contributing to worthy children's charities. Dr. Allgood's office and their patients' whitening contributions have donated over $60,000 to local charities. This year's recipient, once again will be the Hope House Therapeutic Children's Center, where mothers fighting addiction are able to bring their children to live. Excellent meals, counseling, and lodging are provided while moms become productive members of our society. To brighten your smile at a reduced, tax deductible fee and help the children of the CSRA smile, call Dr. Allgood's office at (706) 863-3290. Our Smiles for Hope program will be running March 1st through June 1st, so don't wait! Please help the Hope House and its residents, and help yourself to a gorgeous smile! )85< 6 )(55< 52$' Â&#x2021; 0$57,1(= Â&#x2021;

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The Gertrude Herbert Spring Artists’ Market and Festival is here and begins with an exhibition and sale from 8:30 a.m.-8 p.m. Friday, March 15, followed by a reception Friday from 6-8 p.m. Saturday, March 16, is family day from 10 a.m.-2 p.m. and includes open studios, demonstrations, hands-on activities for kids and more. Artists Market exhibition and sale continues Monday-Friday, March 18-22 from 8:30 a.m.-5 p.m. Call 706-722-5495 or visit ghia.org.

ENTERTAIN

Arts

Spring Artists’ Market and Festival begins with an exhibition and sale from 8:30 a.m.-8 p.m. Friday, March 15, followed by a reception Friday from 6-8 p.m. Saturday, March 16, is family day from 10 a.m.-2 p.m. and includes open studios, demonstrations, hands-on activities for kids and more. Artists Market exhibition and sale continues Monday-Friday, March 18-22 from 8:30 a.m.-5 p.m. Call 706-722-5495 or visit ghia.org. The Art of Steve Penley is the next installment of the Morris Museum’s Art at Lunch series, Friday, March 15, at noon. Penley will discuss his work. Members, $10; non-members, $14. Lunch provided. Pre-registration required. Call 706-724-7501 or visit themorris.org. Day of Art, hosted by the North Augusta Artists Guild, is each Tuesday from 11 a.m.-3 p.m. at the Arts and Heritage Center and includes a group of artists painting in the center who will answer questions or allow visitors to join in. Call 803-441-4380 or visit artsandheritagecenter.com. Corks & Canvas painting classes for adults 21 and over are held every Tuesday and Thursday night beginning at 7 p.m. and lasting 2-3 hours. Painting materials provided. Bring your own wine and clothes to paint in. $30; $25 with military I.D. Pre-registration required. Call 706-868-0990, email pstudiollc@gmail.com or visit pstudio.com.

Exhibitions

through April 30. Call 706-826-4700 or visit sacredheartaugusta.org.

Thursday, March 14. Free. Call 803-648-1898 or visit thewillcox.com.

“Aiken Horse Through the Lens,” an exhibit of equestrian artwork, will be held at the Aiken Center for the Arts through March 15. Call 803-6419094 or visit aikencenterforthearts.org.

Drum 4 Your Life class is at the Odell Weeks Center in Aiken at noon, Saturday, March 16. Registration required. Call 803-642-7630.

The Godfather of Soul James Brown exhibit is on display at the Augusta Museum of History. Call 706-722-8454 or visit augustamuseum.org. “Romantic Spirits” exhibit, featuring paintings of the South from the Johnson collection, will be on display through May 26. Call 706-828-3825, email lauren.land@themorris.org or visit themorris.org. “Tying the Knot,” a display of wedding dresses and accessories from the late 1800s to the 1960s, will be on exhibit at the Augusta Museum of History until May. Call 706-722-8454 or visit augustamuseum.org. “Blast From the Past” is on display at Augusta Museum of History to celebrate the museum’s 75th anniversary. Call 706-722-8454 or visit augustamuseum.org. “Local Legends” is a permanent exhibit highlighting Augusta notables on display at the Augusta Museum of History. Call 706-722-8454 or visit augustamuseum.org.

The Columbia County Orchestra will perform at the Hardin Auditorium at the Columbia County Library, 6 p.m., Saturday, March 16 as part of their Masterworks series. This concert is called “Composers Bridging Styles” and will feature Beethoven Symphony 6 and Bruch Two-Piano Concerto with Elizabeth Nordan and Rebekkah Teboe. Call 706-447-7652 or visit columbiacco.org. “Suite Spring” by Grieg Holberg, to commemorate the birth of Danish artist Ludwig Holberg, will be performed by Symphony Orchestra Augusta, 7:30 p.m., Saturday, March 16. Call 706-826-4705 or visit soaugusta.org. Gospel Explosion will be performed by the Augusta Community Mass Choir at the Tender Sprout Christian Life Center, Sunday, March 17, at 4 p.m. Visit gkellygospelworship.com. Irish fiddler Kevin Burke will perform at St. Paul’s Episcopal Church as part of the Tuesday’s Music Live series, noon, Tuesday, March 19. Lunch follows at 12:30 p.m. Concert is free; lunch is $10 and requires a reservation. Call 706-722-3463 or visit tuesdaysmusiclive.com.

“Her,” a collection of works celebrating Women’s History Month, will be on exhibit at Sit-A-Spell Coffee House, 4-8 p.m., Sunday, March 17. There will be snacks, music, wine and live painting. Visit artbybaruti.com.

“Protect and Serve,” an exhibit highlighting the stories of CSRA law enforcement officers, is on display at the Augusta Museum of History. Call 706-722-8454 or visit augustamuseum.org.

“Restoration,” an exhibit of work by GRU adjunct instructor Mahera Khaleque, will be on display at the Gertrude Herbert Institute of Art, through May 17. Members, free; non-members, $5. Call 706-722-5495 or visit ghia.org.

“Delightful Decanters” is a temporary exhibit on display at the Augusta Museum of History featuring colorful bottles used to sell products as late as the 1970s. Call 706-722-8454 or visit augustamuseum.org.

“Alterations: Fashioning a Black Identity” exhibit will be presented by Nancy Wellington Bookhart at the Lucy Craft Laney Museum of Black History through April 30. Call 706-724-3576 or visit lucycraftlaneymuseum.com.

The Dove Brothers Quartet and Band will play at Bethesda Baptist Church between Grovetown and Harlem, 7 p.m., Thursday, March 14. Free. Nursery provided. Call 706-556-6818.

The Assembly Quartet will perform a recital at the USC-Aiken Etherredge Center, Thursday, March 21, at 7:30 p.m. Call 803-641-3328 or visit usca.edu.

34th Annual Agnes Markwalter Youth Art Competition and Exhibition will show at the Gertrude Herbert Institute of Art through March 28. Call 706722-5495 or visit ghia.org.

Pianist Susan Zhang will perform on the Hamburg Steinway at Reid Memorial Presbyterian Church, 7 p.m., Thursday, March 14. Email rcook@ reidchurch.org or call 706-733-2275.

The Salvation Army School of the Performing Arts holds classes each Tuesday. Included is instruction in piano, drums, guitar, voice and brass. Call 706-364-4069 or visit krocaugusta.org.

Millie Gosch art exhibit is on display at Sacred Heart Cultural Center

Juilliard Jazz After Hours will be held at the Willcox in Aiken, 9 p.m.,

Irish music session will be held at the Bean Baskette coffee shop in Evans

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Music

Piano and cello concert will be performed at Reid Memorial Presbyterian Church, 1-2 p.m., Wednesday, March 20. Cellist Ruth Berry and pianist Hartwig Eichberg will perform works by Schubert, Schuman, Rachmaninoff and Beethoven. Free. Offering will be taken to support St. Stephen’s Ministry. Visit inpraiseofmusic.org. Midday Music will be held at First Presbyterian Church in Aiken, noon, Thursday, March 21. Free. Reservations required. Call 803-648-2662 or visit aikenpresbyterian.org.

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7:30 p.m., every Thursday night. Featuring Lillie Morris, and Mike and Joanne Hay, with guests. Call 706-447-2006.

9:30 p.m. at the Augusta Ballet Studio on 2941 Walton Way. No partners needed. First visit free. Call 706-399-2477.

$50. Visit wsa.net.

Literary

Karaoke is held every Friday night at the American Legion Post 205 on Highland Road. Call 706-495-3219.

“The Rise of the Guardians” will be shown at the Aiken Library, 1-2:30 p.m., Saturday, March 16. Call 803-642-7575 or visit abbe-lib.org.

CSRA Writers will meet at Georgia Military College, 6:30 p.m., Monday, March 18. Writers needing a support group are invited. For critiques, bring eight copies of a manuscript to be reviewed. Call 706-836-7315. Book Discussion will be held at the Headquarters Library, 6:30-8:45 p.m., Thursday, March 21. It’s Your Book Club will discuss “Dare, Dream, Do” by Whitney Johnson. New members welcome. Call 706-821-2600 or visit ecgrl.org. Poetry Matters is accepting entries through March 23 for their annual poetry contest. Cash prizes will be given out. Categories are middle and high school, adults, and seniors. Visit poetrymatterscelebration.com. Nook tutorials at Barnes and Noble in the Augusta Mall are each Saturday beginning at noon, followed by a Nookcolor tutorial at 12:30 p.m. Free. Call 706-737-0012 or visit bn.com.

Dance

Master classes will be presented for local dance students by Augusta Ballet. Taught by Pilobolus dance instructors, Friday, March 15, from 4-6 and 6-8 p.m. at Davidson Fine Arts School. Open to all intermediate and advanced dance students. Pre-registration required. Call 706-261-0555 or visit augustaballet.org. Pilobolus dance troupe, presented by Augusta Ballet, will perform at the Imperial Theatre, 7 p.m., Saturday, March 16. $15-$75. Call 706-7228341 or visit imperialtheatre.com. Belly Dance Class is held every Tuesday at 6 p.m. at Euchee Creek Branch Library. Pre-registration required. Call 706-556-0594 or visit ecgrl.org. Belly Dancing Classes are held Tuesdays at 6 p.m. at the Wallace Branch Library. Call 706-722-6275 or visit ecgrl.org. Augusta International Folk Dance Club meets Tuesday nights from 7:30-

Flix

Zumba with Sohailla is held every Saturday from 10-11 a.m. at the Ballroom Dance Center in Evans. Call 706-421-6168 or visit zumbawithsohailla. blogspot.com.

“Secrets of Highclere Castle,” about the real Downtown Abbey, will be shown at the Aiken Library, 3-4 p.m., Saturday, March 16. Call 803-6427575 or visit abbe-lib.org.

Christian Singles Dance, a smoke-, alcohol- and drug-free event for those ages 40 and over, is each Saturday night at the Ballroom Dance Center in Evans. Dance lessons start at 7 p.m., and the dance begins at 8 p.m. No partners needed. Members $8, guests $10. Call 706-854-8888 or visit christiandances.org.

“The Intouchables” (Rated R), a 2012 French comedy with English subtitles, will be shown in University Hall at GRUA as part of the spring film series, 7 p.m., Monday, March 18. General admission, $3; students, faculty and staff, free with JagCard. Call 706-729-2416 or visit gru.edu.

Saturday Night Dance with live music is each Saturday night at the Fraternal Order of the Eagles Post 1197 from 8:30 p.m.-12:30 a.m. $5. Call 706-495-3219.

Theater

“Legally Blonde: The Musical” will be performed by The Fort Gordon Dinner Theatre, Thursday, March 14 (the rest of the performances are sold out), with dinner beginning at 7 p.m. at the show beginning at 8 p.m. $30-$45. Reservations required. Call 706-791-4389 or visit fortgordon. com/live_theatre.php. “Broadway’s Next Hit Musical” will be performed at the URS Center for the Performing Arts in Aiken, 8 p.m., Thursday and Friday, March 14-15. General $40; students $20. Call 803-648-1438 or visit apagonline.org. “The Story of Noah and His Great Big Gopher Boat” original musical production will be presented by the Enopion Theatre Company at the Kroc Center from March 14-22. General admission $16; seniors, children and groups of 10 or more $11. Call 706-771-7777 or visit enopion.com. “The Music Man” will be performed at Westminster Schools of Augusta, 7 p.m., Friday, March 15, and at 2 p.m. and 7 p.m., Saturday, March 16. General, $15; students and alumni, $10; children, $5; family maximum,

Southeastern Filmmakers will hold their open monthly meeting at the J.B. White’s Building, 7 p.m., Tuesday, March 19. Visit southeasternfilmmakers. com/mission.htm.

Special Events

Basic Merchandising and Product Presentation workshop will be presented at the IWS Event Center, 6:30 p.m., Thursday, March 14. RSVP. Call 706-751-9210. Purses for a Purpose, a handbag auction presented by the Friends of the Jessye Norman School of the Arts, is Thursday, March 14, at 7 p.m. at the Richmond on Greene. $50. Call 706-771-9988 or visit jessyenormanschool.org. Irish culture presentation will be given by Dennis Harkins at the Aiken Library, 7-8 p.m., Thursday, March 14. Call 803-642-7575 or visit abbe-lib.org. The 2013 Juilliard in Aiken Festival runs through March 15, with performances going on throughout the area on those days. For more information and to purchase tickets, visit juilliardinaiken.com. Fifth Annual RV and Boat Show will be held at Evans Towne Center Park in Evans, 9 a.m.-5 p.m., Saturday-Sunday, March 15-17. Free. Call 706-5410586 or visit columbiacountyga.gov. Emergency Preparedness Festival will be held at New Life Natural Foods,

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9 a.m.-7 p.m., Saturday, March 16. Six classes, including: “The Case for Prepping,” “Sprouting for Survival,” “It’s Not About Hoarding, It’s a Way of Life,” “Strategic Weaponry,” “Food and Water Storage/Natural Remedies” and “Communications.” $5 per class; $20 for all six. Call 404-213-8758 or visit newlifeaugusta.com/survival. Springfest, a multi-week festival of arts, horticulture and sports, will be held in North Augusta, and starts, Saturday, March 16. There will be floral seminars at the Riverview Park Activity Center, 9-11:45 a.m., an art exhibit at the Arts and Heritage Center, 11 a.m.-3 p.m., and more. Call 803-4414310 or 706-284-1900. “Voices of the Past: A Petersburg Boat Pilot” will be shown at the Augusta Museum of History Theater, 11:30 a.m., 12:30 p.m. and 1:30 p.m., Saturday, March 16. Free with museum admission. Call 706-722-8454 or visit augustamuseum.org. St. Patrick’s Day Celebration and Festival will be held 2-9 p.m., Saturday, March 16, at the Augusta Common and features live entertainment, children’s attractions, food and more. Call 706-821-1754 or visit augustaga.gov. Western Casino Night Fundraiser will be held at Congregation Children of Israel, 7:30 p.m., Saturday, March 16. There will be food, open bar, silent auction and a chance to win $5,000. Individuals, $62.50; couples, $125. Call 706-736-3140 or 706-863-6264. Augusta Garden Club Spring Awards Luncheon will be held at the Augusta Country Club, 9:30 a.m., Tuesday, March 19. $30. Email jukirkland@ knology.net or call 706-556-3417. Spider specialist Dr. Cathy Tugmon will present a PowerPoint travel adventure to the reefs and old forests of Australia at the Sierra Club meeting at the UU Church, 6:30 p.m., Tuesday, March 19. Free. Email gordonjudith@att.net. PigJam will be held at Sacred Heart Cultural Center, 6:30 p.m., Thursday, March 21, and features barbecue, live music from Sibling String and more. $35. Reservations required. Call 706-826-4700 or visit

24 METROSPIRITAUGUSTA’S INDEPENDENT VOICE SINCE 1989

sacredheartaugusta.org. Evans Towne Farmers Market is held on the grounds of the Columbia County Public Library each Thursday through June from 4:30-7 p.m. All meats, eggs, dairy and produce will be from local and sustainable farms. There will also be cooking demos and education, local artisans with handcrafted goods, live music, local food vendors and weekly events. Visit evanstownefarmersmarket.com. Pet adoptions are held by CSRA Happy Tails Rescue at the Mullins Crossing Petco in Evans from 11 a.m.-4 p.m. each Sunday and from 1-4 p.m. each Saturday and Sunday at the Tractor Supply Company. Visit csrahappytails. com.

Health

Car Seat Safety Class will be offered at the Safe Kids Office 5:45-8 p.m., Thursday, March 14. Registration required. $10. Call 706-721-7606 or visit gru.edu. Bariatric Seminar will be held at Doctors Hospital for anyone looking for options for medical weight loss. Takes place 6-7 p.m., Thursday, March 14. Free. Registration required. Call 706-651-4343 or visit doctors-hospital.net. Baby 101 will be held at Doctors Hospital, 7-9:30 p.m., Thursday, March 14, to share information about infant development and baby care skills. Registration required. Call 706-651-2229 or visit doctors-hospital.net. Women’s Center Tour at University Hospital will be held 7-9:30 p.m., Thursday, March 14. Free. Registration required. Call 706-774-2825 or visit universityhealth.org. Heart Attack and Stroke Prevention Class will be held in the University Hospital Heart & Vascular Institute, 6 p.m., Monday, March 18. Free. Registration required. Call 706-774-5548 or visit universityhealth.org. Total Joint Replacement Class will be held at the University Hospital, 1-3 p.m., Tuesday, March 19. Call 706-774-2760 or visit universityhealth.org.

Cribs for Kids class will meet at the Safe Kids Office, 9:45 a.m.-noon, Wednesday, March 20. Teaches caregivers how to provide a safe sleep environment by showing what dangers to watch out for. $10. Families who can demonstrate a financial need (Medicare, Peachcare or WICC) will receive a portable crib, fitted sheet, sleep sac and a pacifier. Registration required. Call 706-721-7606 or visit gru.edu/safekids. Breastfeeding Class for expectant mothers will be held at Babies R Us in Evans 7-9 p.m., Thursday, March 21. Free. Registration required. Call 706774-2825 or visit universityhealth.org. Childbirth Education Class will meet at the Georgia Regents Medical Center, 6:30 p.m., each Wednesday in March. Free. Registration required. Call 706-721-9351 or visit gru.edu/classes. Adult Boot Camp high intensity exercise class will be held at the Wilson Family Y through April 19. Class meets Monday, Wednesday and Friday at 5 a.m. and 6:15 p.m. Members $35 per session; non-members $65 per session. Registration required. Visit thefamilyy.org. Child Safety Seat Inspections offered by appointment at the Safe Kids office (call 706-721-7606), Martinez/Columbia Fire Rescue Engine Co. 3 (call 706-860-7763) and Columbia County Sheriff’s Substation in Evans (call 706-541-3970). Visit gru.edu. Car Seat Classes are offered by appointment only at the Safe Kids Office in Augusta and at the Martinez Columbia Fire Rescue Headquarters. $10. Call 706-721-7606 or visit gru.edu. Yoga I offered at the Weeks Center in Aiken 8:45-9:45 a.m., Tuesdays and Thursdays; Yoga II is offered 8:45-9:45 a.m., Fridays; Evening Yoga is offered 5:30-6:30 p.m., Mondays and Wednesdays. $41 for 10 tickets. Call 803-642-7631. Tai Chi for Boomers is held at 6 p.m. every Tuesday and Thursday. Call 706-394-0590, email sbeasley@augustameditation.com or visit augustameditation.com/taichi.html. Stress Management Classes are held at the University Hospital Heart &

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Vascular Institute at 8:15 a.m., 9:15 a.m. and 1:45 p.m. each Wednesday. Call 706-774-3278 or visit universityhealth.org. Multiple Sclerosis and Parkinson’s Disease Aquatics Class meets every Monday and Friday at noon at the Wilson Family Y. Members, free; nonmembers, $5. Pre-registration required. Call 706-922-9664 or visit thefamilyy.org. Heart Attack and Stroke Prevention Orientation is held every Tuesday at 2 p.m. at University Hospital’s Heart & Vascular Institute (Classroom 3). Free. Call 706-774-5548 or visit universityhealth.org. Cardiopulmonary Rehabilitation program covers topics such as coronary artery disease, heart attack and CHF at the University Hospital Heart and Vascular Institute. Program is held each Wednesday at 8:15 and 9:15 a.m., and 1:45 p.m. Call 706-774-3278 or visit universityhealth.org. Joint Efforts, presented by Trinity Hospital of Augusta, meets from 11-11:45 a.m. every Thursday at Augusta Bone and Joint, and features a free seminar about knee and hip pain, treatments, medication, food and exercise. Call 706-481-7604 or visit trinityofaugusta.com. Adapted Evaluation, a 30-minute initial and annual evaluation including medical history and water assessment, is offered at the Wilson Family Y. $25. Call 706-922-9664 or visit thefamilyy.org. Adapted Special Populations classes offered at the Wilson Family Y. Members $11; non-members $22. Call 706-922-9664 or visit thefamilyy.org. Adapted Wii Special Populations available by appointment at the Wilson Family Y, and feature individual half-hour classes for physically and developmentally challenged individuals of all ages. Members, $10; non-members, $20. Call 706-922-9662 or visit thefamilyy.org.

Support

Breast Cancer Support Group will be held at the Georgia Regents University Cancer Center, 12:30-2 p.m., Thursday, March 14. Call 706721-4109 or visit gru.edu/classes.

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Living Well With Diabetes adult support group will meet 5 p.m., Thursday, March 14 in the University Hospital Cafeteria. Facilitated by registered dieticians and RNs. Members learn how to eat healthy while dining out. Call 706-288-3080 or visit universityhealth.org. Car Seat Class will be held at the Safe Kids Office, 5:45-8 p.m., Thursday, March 14. $10. Registration required. Call 706-721-7606 or visit gru.edu/safekids. Brain Injury Support Group will meet at NeuroRestorative Georgia, 6 p.m., Thursday, March 14. Survivors of stroke, traumatic brain injury, aneurysm and other acquired brain injuries and their families and caregivers are invited to attend. Call 706-829-0370. Cancer Survivor Support Group will meet at Augusta Oncology Associates, 6-7 p.m., Thursday, March 14. Call 706-651-2283 or visit doctors-hospital.net. PFLAG of Augusta, a support group for gay, lesbian, bisexual and transgender people, will meet at the Unitarian Universalist Church of Augusta, 7 p.m., Thursday, March 14. Visit facebook.com/pflagcsra. Young Women With Breast Cancer support group meets at the University Hospital Breast Health Center 12:30 p.m., Friday, March 15. Call 706-7744141 or visit universityhealth.org. Look Good, Feel Better, teaching beauty tips to female cancer patients dealing with appearance-related side effects of therapy, will be held 1-2:30 p.m., Monday, March 18 at the Cancer Care Institute of Carolina at Aiken Regional Medical Centers. Registration required. Call 803-641-6044.

Celiac Support Group meets at Trinity Hospital of Augusta 7-8:30 p.m., Tuesday, March 19. Call 706-481-7000 or visit trinityofaugusta.com. Us-Too Prostate Cancer Support Group, for patients, spouses, friends and family, meets at Augusta Technical College, Building 600, 7-8:30 p.m., Tuesday, March 19. Free. Reservations required. Call 706-868-8758 or visit universityhealth.org. Blood Cancer/BMT Support Group will meet at the GRU Cancer Center, 11:30 a.m.-1 p.m., Wednesday, March 20. For families, friends and caregivers. Call 706-721-9134 or 721-1634, or visit gru.edu/classes. Trauma Support Group will meet at the Georgia Regents Medical Center, noon-1 p.m., Wednesday, March 20. For former patients, family, friends and others affected by a trauma. Call 706-721-4633 or 721-3264, or visit gru.edu/classes. Spine Education and Support Group will be held at the University Hospital Levi Hill III Auditorium 1-2:30 p.m., Wednesday, March 20. Free. Call 706774-2760 or visit universityhealth.org. Weight Loss Support Group will be held at Doctors Hospital, 6-7 p.m., Thursday, March 21. Call 706-651-4343 or visit doctors-hospital.net. AA meets every Sunday and Wednesday at 7:15 p.m. at Aiken Regional Medical Centers’ Aurora Pavilion, and includes an open discussion. Call 800-322-8322 or visit aikenregional.com.

Prostate Cancer Support Group will meet at the GRU Cancer Center, 11:30 a.m. to 1 p.m., Tuesday, March 19. Call 706-721-0550 or visit gru. edu/classes.

Adult Sexual Assault and Rape Support Group provides group counseling at University Hospital for those who have experienced sexual assault, incest, rape or childhood sexual abuse. Call 706-724-5200 or visit universityhealth.org.

Cystectomy Support Group will meet at the GRU Cancer Center, 2 p.m., Tuesday, March 19. Call 706-721-0550 or visit gru.edu/classes.

Alcoholics Anonymous is a support group for those who wish to stop drinking. Call 706-860-8331.

Alzheimer’s Support Group meets 2 p.m. at St. Bartholomew’s Episcopal Church and 7 p.m. at Brandon Wilde, Tuesday, March 19. Call 706-7319060 or visit trinityofaugusta.com.

Beyond the Bars is a support group for those with incarcerated loved ones. Call 706-855-8636.

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Grab a green beer and head down to the Augusta Common for the annual St. Patrick’s Day Celebration and Festival, this year held a day early from 2-9 p.m., Saturday, March 16. It’ll feature live entertainment, children’s attractions, food and lots more and the celebration will continue long into the night at the bars and nightclubs that line Broad Street. Call 706-8211754 or visit augustaga.gov.

Burn Support Group meets every Tuesday at 10:30 a.m. at Doctors Hospital’s Lori Rogers Nursing Library, JMS Building. All burn survivors, and their families and friends are welcome. Call Tim Dorn at 706-6516660 or visit doctors-hospital.net. Cardiac Support Group meets three times a year. Free. Pre-registration requested. Call 706-774-5864 or visit universityhealth.org. Diabetes Youth Support Group meets quarterly. Call 706-868-3241 or visit universityhealth.org. Families Who Have Lost a Baby Support Group is offered by GRU. Call 706721-8299 or visit gru.edu. Gamblers Anonymous is a support group for those who wish to stop gambling. Call 800-313-0170. Living With Diabetes, a program designed to teach skills needed to manage diabetes, is offered at Trinity Hospital. Physician referral required. Call 706-481-7535 or visit trinityofaugusta.com. Lupus Support Group meets at the Headquarters Branch Library. Call 706394-6484 or 706-821-2600, or visit ecgrl.org. Narcotics Anonymous meets Fridays and Sundays at 7:30 p.m. at Trinity Hospital of Augusta. Visit na.org. Natural Family Planning support group meets locally. Call 706-481-7604 or visit trinityofaugusta.com. Overeaters Support Group meets locally. Call 706-785-0006 or visit trinityofaugusta.com. Parents of Hearing-Impaired Children meets locally. Call 706-481-7396 or visit trinityofaugusta.com. Reach for Recovery is presented locally by the American Cancer Society. Call 706-731-9900 or visit trinityofaugusta.com.

Genealogy Club with Michele Lewis will meet at the Euchee Creek Library, 1 p.m., Thursday, March 14. Call 706-556-0594 or visit ecgrl.org.

from 6-7:30 p.m. at Headquarters Branch Library. Call 706-821-2600 or visit ecgrl.org.

Dr. William H. Schubert, curriculum theorist, researcher and award-winning author, will be the featured speaker at the GRU education conference in University Hall on the Summerville campus. Conference will be held 8 a.m.2 p.m., Saturday, March 16. Call 706-737-1496 or visit gru.edu.

Fort Gordon Toastmasters meets 11:30 a.m. each Wednesday in the Organizational Conference Room (Fish Bowl) on Fort Gordon Army base. Open to public. Visit fortgordon.toastmastersclubs.org.

Computer classes offered at the Columbia County Library include Out of the Box for digital cameras, 10 a.m.-noon, Monday, March 18; Out of the Camera for printing and storing photos, 1-2 p.m., Monday, March 18; Microsoft PowerPoint, 10 a.m.-12:30 p.m., Wednesday, March 20; and Microsoft Excel, 1:30-3:30 p.m., Wednesday, March 20. Call 706-8631946 or visit ecgrl.org. Computer classes offered at Wallace Library include Emailing for Beginners, 6-7:30 p.m., Tuesday, March 19, and Creating Flyers and Business Cards, 6-7:30 p.m., Thursday, March 21. Call 706-722-6275 or visit ecgrl.org. Free Tax Help is available at the following library locations: Headquarters Branch, every Wednesday, Thursday and Friday from 9 a.m.-3:30 p.m. through April 12; Maxwell Branch, every Thursday, Friday and Saturday from 10 a.m.-2 p.m. through April 13; Columbia County, every Tuesday and Thursday from 10 a.m.-3 p.m. through April 11; Euchee Creek Branch, every Monday from 10 a.m.-4 p.m. through April 15. Visit ecgrl.org.

Computer classes are offered every Thursday at 6 p.m. at the Wallace Branch Library. Call 706-722-6275 or visit ecgrl.org. Guided tours of 1797 Ezekiel Harris House offered by appointment only Tuesday-Friday, and Saturday 10 a.m.-5 p.m. Last tours of the day begin at 4 p.m. Adults, $2; children, $1. Call 706-722-8454 or visit augustamuseum.org. Historic Trolley Tour of Augusta boards at the Augusta Museum of History at 1:30 p.m., Saturdays. See historic sites and hear spooky legends. $12, including admission to the museum. Reservations required 24 hours in advance. Call 706-722-8454 or visit augustaga.org. Tours of the Boyhood Home of President Woodrow Wilson are held regularly. Adults $5; seniors $4; kids K-12 $3; under 5 years free. Reservations required for groups of 10 or more. Call 706-722-9828.

Intermediate Spanish Language Class is each Monday from 2:30-4 p.m. at Friedman Library. Pre-registration required. Call 706-736-6758 or visit ecgrl.org.

Sports-Outdoors

Beginner’s Spanish Language Class is each Monday from 4-5 p.m. at Friedman Library. Call 706-736-6758 or visit ecgrl.org.

11th Annual Kelsi Long Memorial Ride will begin at Augusta HarleyDavidson and end at the Children’s Hospital of Georgia, Saturday, March 16. Registration 8-9:45 a.m.; kickstands up 10 a.m.; ride ends around noon. Proceeds raise money for kids with special needs. $25 per bike; $5 per passenger. Email castewart@gru.edu, call 706-721-4004 or visit kelfoundation.org.

Free Tutoring for all ages, offered by GRU’s Literacy Center, is available by appointment Monday-Thursday, from 4-8 p.m., at the center at 1401 Magnolia Drive. Appointments required. Call 706-737-1625 or visit gru.edu.

Recovery Support Group meets 7:30 p.m. Sundays and Fridays. Call 706855-2419.

GED Classes are held Tuesdays and Thursdays from 5:30-8:30 p.m. at the Headquarters Branch Library. Pre-registration required. Call 706-8212600 or visit ecgrl.org.

Education

English as a Second Language (ESL) classes are offered every Tuesday

26 METROSPIRITAUGUSTA’S INDEPENDENT VOICE SINCE 1989

Adult Hebrew Class is taught at Congregation Children of Israel at 10:30 a.m. every Thursday. Email office@cciaugusta.org or visit cciaugusta.org.

The Harlem Globetrotters will play at the James Brown Arena, 7 p.m., Friday, March 15. $23-$81. Call 706-262-4567 or visit augustaentertainmentcomplex.com.

Cloverleaf Duathlon, a 2-mile run/10-mile bike/2-mile run for individuals, dual teams or tri-teams, will be presented by the Marshall Family Y, Saturday, March 16. Begins at Riverwood Plantation in Columbia County at 8 a.m. $40, $60 and $70 if registered in advance; increases by $10 on race day. Call 706-922-9654 or visit thefamilyy.org. 14MARCH2013

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Furies Food Drive 5K will be held at Pendleton King Park, 8 a.m., Saturday, March 16. There will be a 5K run, a 3K funwalk and a wheelchair division. $30 before race day; $35 on race day. Email crosland3783@gmail.com or visit active.com. Ticker Trot 5K will begin at the Augusta Canal at Lake Olmstead, 9 a.m., Saturday, March 16. Benefits the American Heart Association. Registration required. Visit active.com. Brain awareness run, walk or roll will begin at the Columbia County Amphitheater, 10 a.m.noon, Saturday, March 16. General $20; brain injury survivors $10. Includes T-shirt and lunch. Call 706-829-0370 or email patty.goolsby@ thementornetwork.com. The Augusta RiverHawks face the Louisiana Ice Gators, Saturday, March 16 and the Columbus Cottonmouths, Thursday, March 21. Unless otherwise noted, home games are held at the Augusta Ice Sports Center and start at 7:35 p.m. $10-$21. Call 706-993-2645 or 706-722-3521, or visit augustariverhawks.com or augustaentertainmentcomplex.com. Breakaway from Brain Cancer, a casual bike ride and fun run/walk, will be held 2:30 p.m., Sunday, March 17. Free. Donations will go toward purchasing care packages for patients at Georgia Regents University Cancer Center. Registration required. Visit breakawayfromcancer. eventbrite.com. Lacrosse registration will be held at the Marshall Family Y, for kids age 7-15, through April 21. Members $55; non-members $75. Visit thefamilyy.org. Summer baseball registration will be held at the Family Y of Augusta South through April 21. Visit thefamilyy.org. Adult swim lessons are offered at the Family Y of Downtown Augusta for ages 13 and up. Days and times vary by branch. Members $55 per month; nonmembers $85 per month. Registration required. Visit thefamilyy.org.

Masters Week

Olympic-style Tae Kwon Do, taught by Master Michael L. Weintraub, is each Tuesday and Friday at 5:30 p.m. at the Kroc Center. Call 706-364-5762 or visit krocaugusta.com.

E6-Above DoD | $50.00 Monday-Thursday $55.00 Friday-Sunday | $45.00 after 2:00 p.m.

Tae Kwon Do is offered at the Wilson Family Y, Family Y of Augusta South and Family Y of North Augusta. Registration required. Visit thefamilyy.org. Kickball League registration is available for a new adult co-ed league that starts April 7 at Riverview Park. Call 941-716-3163 or visit augustakickball.com. Wheelchair Tennis Clinic, presented by the Walton Foundation for Independence, meets each Monday at 6 p.m. (weather permitting) at The Club at Raeâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;s Creek. Free and open to the public. Call 706-826-5809 or email alsalley@wrh.org. Yoga Class at Euchee Creek Library meets every Tuesday at 4 p.m. Call 706-556-0594 or visit ecgrl.org.

E1-E5 | $ 35.00 Monday-Thursday $40.00 Friday-Sunday | $30.00 after 2:00 p.m.

Â&#x2021; 5DWHV GURS DQ DGGLWLRQDO VWDUWLQJ DW S P Â&#x2021; &DUWV DUH PDQGDWRU\ XQWLO S P Â&#x2021; &UHGLW FDUGV ZLOO EH FKDUJHG IRU DOO SOD\HUV ,1 )8// DW time of booking. Fees are non-refundable within 24 hours of booked tee time Â&#x2021; 5DWHV LQFOXGH KROHV DQG FDUW IHHV ZLWK a Souvenir gift per player Â&#x2021; 0RQGD\ WKURXJK :HGQHVGD\ WHH WLPHV LQFOXGH DOO RI WKH DERYH SOXV D /XQFK &RPER DW %RJLHV *ULOO

Columbia & Richmond County Residents $50.00 Monday-Thursday | $55.00 Friday-Sunday $45.00 after 2:00 p.m. Guests of Authorized Patrons (Military & DoD) $70.00 Monday-Thursday | $75.00 Friday-Sunday $55.00 after 2:00 p.m. Civilians | $90.00 Monday-Thursday $100.00 Friday-Sunday | $75.00 after 2:00 p.m.

Remember, all patrons 16 and over must have a photo I.D. to enter Fort Gordon. If you do not have a DoD I.D. Card or current Pass, you must enter through Gate 1 on Gordon Highway.

Reservations may be made by calling 706-791-2433/6854/5796 or email william.fumai.naf@mail.mil or dallas.m.cooke.naf@mail.mil

Weekly Group Runs include the Monday Metro Run meeting at Metro Coffeehouse at 6 p.m.; Monday Intervals meeting at the Family Y track on Wheeler Road at 7 p.m.; the Tuesday Nacho Mamaâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;s Group Run at 6 p.m.; Wednesdayâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;s Blanchard Woods Group Run at 6 p.m.; Wednesday Stay in Shape Group Run at 6 p.m.; Wednesdayâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;s Post Office Hill Training Run at 7 p.m.; Thursdayâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;s Homer Hustle at 6 p.m.; and Saturdayâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;s Stay in Shape Run at 8 a.m. Visit augustastriders.com. 14MARCH2013

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The Augusta Furies Women’s Rugby Football Club practices 6-8 p.m. on Tuesdays and Thursdays at Julian Smith Casino for players 18 and up. Email augusta.furies@gmail.com or visit augustafuries.org. The Augusta Rugby Club holds weekly practice sessions at 6:30 p.m. on Tuesdays and Thursdays at the Larry Bray Memorial Pitch in Augusta. Experienced players and newbies ages 18 and up are welcome. Bring a pair of cleats or cross trainers, a mouthguard, gym shorts and a T-shirt. Visit augustarugby.org or Facebook under the Augusta Rugby Club heading. Hott Shott Disc Golf is held each Wednesday at 7 p.m. at Killer B Disc Golf in downtown Augusta, and features games and prizes for all ages and skill levels. $2. Call 706-814-7514 or visit killerbdiscgolf.blogspot.com/p/hott-shott. Thursday Night Chain Reaction Ride begins at 6 p.m. each Thursday at Patriots Park in Grovetown. For intermediate to fast-paced cyclists, who average 25-32 miles. Participants should bring their own water and helmet. Call 706-855-2024 or visit chainreactionbicycles.net. Riverview Disc Golf League meets each Thursday at 6 p.m. at Riverview Park in North Augusta. Entry fee, $5; ace pool, $1. Call 803-215-8181 or visit augustadiscgolf.com. Road Bike Ride meets each Thursday at 6:30 p.m. at Andy Jordan’s Bicycle Warehouse downtown for an approximately 25-mile ride at a moderate to fast pace. Front and rear lights, as well as a helmet, are required. Call 706-724-6777 or visit andyjordans.com.

$45-$50. Call 706-791-4864 or visit fortgordon.com.

706-736-6244 or visit ecgrl.org.

Adapted Aquatics for Special Populations offered at the Wilson Family Y by appointment. Members, $11 per session; non-members, $22 per session. Discount for additional siblings. Call 706-922-9664 or visit thefamilyy.org.

Spring Coloring Contest is going on through March 15 at the Appleby Branch Library. Participants ages 3-8 should pick up their coloring sheet at the circulation desk. Call 706-736-6244 or visit ecgrl.org.

Augusta Canal Interpretive Center and Petersburg boat tours winter schedule runs through March 31 and is as follows: The center is open from 9:30 a.m. to 5:30 p.m. Hour-long Petersburg boat canal tours depart at 11:30 a.m., 1:30 and 3 p.m. Admission to center is $6, or free with $12.50 boat tour ticket. Seniors 65 and older, active military/dependent and students (age 4-grade 12 or with valid college I.D.) are $2. One child under 3 per ticketed adult may get in free. Call 706-823-0440, ext. 4. Groups call ext. 7. Visit augustacanal.com.

St. Patrick’s Day Fun! Stories, crafts and games for all ages will be offered at the North Augusta Library, 4-5 p.m., Friday, March 15. Call 803-6427575 or visit abbe-lib.org.

The Augusta Fencers Club is open five nights a week from 5:30-9 p.m. and most Saturday mornings from 10 a.m.-noon. Visitors always welcome. Call 706-722-8878. BlazeSports Swim Team, for all ages of physically challenged swimmers who want to train for competition, meets at the Wilson Family Y. Members, $35 a month; non-members, $50 a month. Pre-registration required. Visit thefamilyy.org. Civil War 150th Canal Tour, “Food, Fabric and Firepower,” is offered by the Augusta Canal Interpretive Center at 1:30 p.m. daily through 2013. Call 706-823-0440 or visit augustacanal.com.

Guided Trail Rides at Hilltop Riding Stables at Fort Gordon are available Saturdays at 9 a.m., 10:30 a.m., noon, 1:30 p.m. and 3 p.m.; Sundays at 9 a.m., 10:30 a.m. and noon; and Wednesday-Friday at 11 a.m. with reservations 24 hours in advance. All trail rides are on a first-come, firstserved basis, and participants should arrive 30 minutes prior to the trail ride starting for sign in procedures. $23-$30. Call 706-791-4864 or visit fortgordon.com.

Kids-Teens

Lakeside Rideouts at Hilltop Riding Stables at Fort Gordon are each Sunday beginning at 1:30 p.m. on a first-come, first-served basis. The ride, which begins at 2 p.m., is a two-hour guided ride to Wilkerson Lake.

28 METROSPIRITAUGUSTA’S INDEPENDENT VOICE SINCE 1989

McBean Community Spring Fling, including a yard sale, inflatables, activities for the family and food, is Saturday, March 16, from 8 a.m.-2 p.m. at the McBean Community Center. Call 706-560-1814 or visit augustaga.gov. Sankofa Youth Summit will be held at Paine College for kids 12-17 years old, beginning at 10 a.m., Saturday, March 16. There will be seminars on African-American history, leadership training, and a dialogue about community-building. Email sankofayouthsummit@paine.edu, or call 706432-0726 or 706-396-7597. Pond Exploration will be held at Reed Creek Park for ages 5 and up, 10-11 a.m., Saturday, March 16. Kids will explore with dip nets to learn about the animals that live in the pond. Be prepared to get a little wet and muddy. Kids must be accompanied. Registration required. Members free; nonmembers $2 per child. Visit reedcreekpark.com. Easter Egg Hunt will take place at Diamond Lakes Community Center for ages 4-12, noon, Saturday, March 16. Free. Call 706-772-2418.

Lego Club for grades K-5 will meet at the Aiken Library, 4-5 p.m., Thursday, March 14. Legos will be supplied. Call 803-642-7575 or visit abbe-lib.org.

St. Patrick’s Day craft will be held at the Headquarters Library, 2 p.m., Saturday, March 16. Call 706-821-2600 or visit ecgrl.org.

Apps and Sites event will be held at Diamond Lakes Library for ages 1217, 4 p.m., Thursday, March 14. Bring your tablet, smart-phone or laptop. Call 706-772-2432 or visit ecgrl.org.

Step competition will be held at the H.H. Brigham Community Center Gymnasium, 4 p.m., Saturday, March 16. Hosted by T.A.G. Inc., (Teens in Action with Goals). Advance $8; door $10. Call 706-284-8252.

Teen Tech Contest will be held at the Appleby Library, through March 15 for grades 6-12. See how many video game characters you can identify! Poster will be on display at Circulation Desk. Prizes awarded March 18. Call

Parents’ Night Out will be held at the Family Y of Aiken County for kids age 2-12, 5:30-9 p.m., Saturday, March 16. Kids have a fun night of activities while parents get a fun night on their own. Members $15 per child; non-

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ages 4-12, noon, Saturday, March 16. Free. Call 706772-2418. St. Patrick’s Day craft will be held at the Headquarters Library, 2 p.m., Saturday, March 16. Call 706-8212600 or visit ecgrl.org. Step competition will be held at the H.H. Brigham Community Center Gymnasium, 4 p.m., Saturday, March 16. Hosted by T.A.G. Inc., (Teens in Action with Goals). Advance $8; door $10. Call 706-284-8252. Parents’ Night Out will be held at the Family Y of Aiken County for kids age 2-12, 5:30-9 p.m., Saturday, March 16. Kids have a fun night of activities while parents get a fun night on their own. Members $15 per child; non-members $25. Visit thefamilyy.org. Artrageous! Family Sunday: Go Green at the Morris will be held 2 p.m., Sunday, March 17. Create prints, paintings and sculptures inspired by the color green. Free. Visit themorris.org. Sing Into Spring with Mr. Bill (Dr. Karp) and his guitar will be held at the Appleby Library for ages 3 and up, 10:30-11:15 a.m., Monday and Wednesday, March 18 and 20. Groups must register. Call 706-736-6244 or visit ecgrl.org. Galileo’s Job & Career Accelerator will be held at Diamond Lakes Library for teens, 6 p.m., Monday, March 18. Participants must have basic computer skills. Registration required. Call 706-772-2432 or visit ecgrl.org. T-shirt Makeover will be held at the Evans Library for grades 6-12, 4-5 p.m., Tuesday, March 19. Bring a T-shirt or two that you don’t mind cutting up. Registration required. Call HYPERLINK “tel:706.863.1946”706-863-1946 or visit ecgrl.org. “Horton Hears a Who” (Rated G) will be shown at the Maxwell Library, Tuesday, March 19, at 4 p.m. Call 706793-2020 or visit ecgrl.org. The Ick Club, for ages 6-11, will meet at Columbia County Library, 5:30 p.m., Tuesday, March 19. Free. Registration required. Call 706-863-1946. The Birds, the Bees and Me will be presented by Trinity Hospital for girls 12-15 years old, accompanied by a female relative or friend, 6:30-9:30 p.m., Tuesday, March 19. Frank discussion on topics such as sexuality, peer-pressure and responsible decision-making. $10. Call 706-481-7000 or visit trinityofaugusta.com. French language class for grades 1-5 will be offered at the Aiken Library, 4 p.m., Wednesday, March 20. Call 803-642-2023 or visit abbe-lib.org.

T-Ball and T-Ball School will be offered at the Marshall Family Y for ages 4-7 years, March 19-April 22. Members 4-5 years $40; non-members $60. Members 6-7 years $55; non-members $75. Discounts for additional siblings. Financial assistance available for all Family Y programs. Registration required. Visit thefamilyy.org. Celebrate Women’s History Month Contest is going on through the month of March at the Headquarters Branch Library. Participants should pick up a contest form at the children’s department desk. Call 706-8212600 or visit ecgrl.org. “Larry Cat in Space” will be presented at the DuPont Planetarium, 7 p.m., Saturdays in March. “To the Moon and Beyond” will be shown at 8 p.m. General admission $4.50; seniors $3.50; students 4K-12 $2.50. Reservations encouraged. Call 803-641-3654.

Loud Crowd, a supervised after-school program for those ages 4-12, is Monday-Friday from 3-6 p.m. at the Warren Road Community Center. Call 706-8602833 or visit augustaga.gov. Homeschool PE Time, for elementary school aged kids, meets Monday-Friday, from 9-11 a.m. at the Kroc Center. Members free. Call 706-364-5762 for nonmember prices. Visit krocaugusta.org. Mother’s Morning Out is every Tuesday and Thursday,

9 a.m.-1 p.m., at the Wilson Family Y for children ages 3-4. The schedule follows the Richmond County school calendar. $90 per month for members; $110 per month for non-members. Register at any Family Y or visit thefamilyy.org. Story Time is held at the Diamond Lakes Branch library 10 a.m. each Tuesday. Registration required for groups of six or more. Call 706-772-2432 or visit ecgrl.org. Tai Chi Panda, a Chinese martial arts program for kids ages 5-13, meets Tuesdays and Thursdays. Ages 5-7 meet at 4 p.m.; ages 8-10 meet at 5 p.m.; ages 11-13 meet at 6 p.m. Call 706-394-0590 or visit augustameditation.com/taichi.html. Preschool Story Time is every Tuesday at Headquarters Branch Library at 10 a.m. Toddler Story Time is every Wednesday at 10 a.m. Group registration

Youth Boot Camp high-intensity exercise class will be offered through April 13 at the Family Y of North Augusta for ages 10-14. Meets twice a week for six weeks. Members $20 per session; non-members $40 per session. Visit thefamilyy.org. Swim Lessons are offered at the Wilson Family Y and the Family Y of Downtown Augusta for all skill levels from 6 months to adult beginners. Held in four-week sessions with twice-weekly classes through March 28. Registration required. Visit thefamilyy.org. Tae Kwon Do is offered for all skill levels age 5 and up at the Family Y of Aiken County, North Augusta, Augusta South and the Wilson Family Y. Registration required. Visit thefamilyy.org. Winter Basketball is held through March at the Family Y of North Jefferson for ages 7-18 years. Members, $30; non-members, $50. Call 706-547-2653 or visit thefamilyy.org. Ceramics Class, for ages 14 and up, meets Mondays at 9 a.m. or 6 p.m., Tuesdays at 6 p.m., and Wednesdays at 9 a.m. in the Weeks Ceramics Center. Call 803-6427631 or visit cityofaikensc.gov. Creative Arts offered at the Family Y of North Augusta for ages 5-12 years. Members, $35 per month; nonmembers, $55 per month. Visit thefamilyy.org. Toddler Time, playtime for children ages 5 and under, is each Monday and Wednesday from 9:30-11:30 a.m. at the H.O. Weeks Center in Aiken. $2 per visit; $16 per 10-visit pass. Call 803-642-7631 or visit cityofaikensc. gov.

Dr. Seuss Crafts will be offered at the Maxwell Library, 4-5 p.m., March 20. Registration required. Call 706-793-2020 or visit ecgrl.org.

Mother’s Morning Out is offered at the Family Y of North Augusta for ages 2-4 years, 9 a.m.-noon, either Monday and Wednesday or Tuesday and Thursday. Mothers enjoy a relaxing morning twice a week while kids learn. Members, $70 a month; non-members, $90 a month. Registration required. Visit thefamilyy.org.

Introduction to Spreadsheets will be offered at Diamond Lakes Library for teens. Basic computer knowledge is a prerequisite. Class will be taught in three sessions, Wednesday, March 20, March 27 and April 3, at 6 p.m. Registration required. Call 706-7722432 or visit ecgrl.org.

Drop and Shop is offered Monday-Friday at The Family Y of Augusta South for kids age 8 weeks-4 years, 8:30 a.m.-noon. Members, $5 a child per day; nonmembers, $7 a child per day. Also offered at North Augusta branch, 9 a.m.-noon. Members $9 a day; nonmembers $15 a day. Visit thefamilyy.org.

Google Gateway will be held at Diamond Lakes Library for teens, 10 a.m., Thursday, March 21 and 28. Participants set up a Google account and learn about the variety of services available to them such as Gmail, Drive, Calendar and more. Registration required. Call 706-772-2432 or visit ecgrl.org.

Little Friends Gym, a parent and child class for those ages 6 months-4 years, is held each Monday, Tuesday and Wednesday from 10 a.m.-1 p.m. at the Warren Road Community Center. Call 706-860-2833 or visit augustaga.gov.

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Story Time is held at the Columbia County Library at 10:15 and 11 a.m. Tuesdays, for kids under 2 years old; at 10:15 a.m. Mondays, Wednesdays and Thursdays for 2-year-olds; at 11 a.m., Mondays, Wednesdays and Thursdays for preschoolers; and at 4 p.m. Wednesdays for all ages. Call 706-863-1946 or visit ecgrl.org.

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803-279-5767 or abbe-lib.org.

cityofaikensc.gov.

Story Time at the Euchee Creek Branch Library, for all ages, is held each Wednesday at 10:30 a.m. and each Tuesday at 4:30 p.m. Call 706-556-0594 or visit ecgrl.org.

Computer Classes for Seniors are taught at The Kroc Center Mondays and Thursdays. Registration required. Visit krocaugusta.org.

Study Hall for teens meets Wednesdays from 3-5 p.m. at the Headquarters Branch Library. Call 706-8212600 or visit ecgrl.org/teens. Homeschool Playgroup meets each Thursday at 10:30 a.m. at Creighton Park in North Augusta. Call 803613-0484. Mudpuppies, an arts and crafts program for ages 2-5, is held each Thursday at 10:45 a.m. at the Warren Road Community Center. Call 706-860-2833 or visit augustaga.gov. The Augusta Arsenal Soccer Club Junior Academy, for boys and girls ages 5-8, meets each Thursday at 5:30 p.m. at the Augusta Soccer Park. Call 706-854-0149 or visit augustasoccer.com. Fairy Tale Ballet is held at the Family Y of Aiken County. Offered once a week for one month for a total of four classes. Members, $25 a month; non-members, $35 a month. Visit thefamilyy.org. Boy and Girl Scout troops are hosted by Augusta Jewish Community Center. For Boy Scouts, visit troop119bsa.com or email geoffstew@gmail.com. For Girl Scouts, email sbehrend@bellsouth.net. For Daisy/ Brownie Troop, email bdmrev@yahoo.com. Creek Freaks, a Georgia Adopt-a-Stream team of middle- and high-school students, meets regularly at Phonily Swamp Nature Park to monitor the health of Butler Creek. Call 706-796-7707 or visit naturalscienceacademy.org. Fun-Time Fridays, for ages 2-5, is held each Friday at 10:45-11:30 a.m. at the Warren Road Community Center. Call 706-860-2833 or visit augustaga.gov.

Line Dancing is each Tuesday at the Weeks Center in Aiken at 10 a.m. $31 for 10 tickets; free for SilverSneakers Swipe Card members. Call 803-6427631 or visit cityofaikensc.gov. Yoga I and II are offered at the Weeks Center in Aiken on Tuesdays, Thursdays and Fridays from 8:45-9:45 a.m. and on Mondays and Wednesdays from 5:30-6:30 p.m. Call 803-642-7631 or visit cityofaikensc.gov. Silver Sneakers, a senior exercise class, meets each Wednesday and Friday from 1:30-2:30 p.m. at the Kroc Center. Free. Call 706-364-5762 or visit krocaugusta. org. Games for Seniors at the Weeks Center in Aiken include Rummikub each Thursday from 9 a.m.-noon, Mahjong each Thursday from 1-4 p.m., Bridge each Friday from 11:30 a.m.-3 p.m., Bingo each Tuesday 9-10 a.m., Pinochle each Tuesday from 10:30 a.m.-2:30 p.m., and Canasta on Tuesdays from 11:30 a.m.-3:30 p.m. and on Fridays from 10 a.m.-2 p.m. Call 803-642-7631 or visit cityofaikensc.gov. Tai Chi for Seniors is held 11 a.m.-noon every Thursday at Augusta Jewish Community Center. Call 706-394-0590 visit augustameditation.com/taichi.html. Dancin’ with the Young at Heart, an event geared toward those ages 50 and older although anyone is welcome, is each Friday at 7:30 p.m. at the Aiken DAV. In addition to dancing to Yesterday’s Sounds, there will also be prize drawings, snack and drinks. $6. Call 803-292-3680.

Gesher, a teen program for post b’nai mitzvah youngsters (7th-12th grade), meets every other Sunday at Adas Yeshurun Synagogue. Call 706733-9491.

Hobbies

Parties at the Family Y offers various activities, days and fees, according to branch location. Registration required. Visit thefamilyy.org.

Bingo is held every Sunday at 1:30 p.m. and every Monday and Thursday at 7 p.m. at the Fraternal Order of the Eagles Post 1197 on Scott Road. Free. Call 706-495-3219.

Seniors

Beer tasting will be held at Wine World in North Augusta, 5-8 p.m., Friday, March 15. Wine Tasting will be 5-8 p.m., Friday, March 21. Call 803-279-9833.

Senior Circle Coffee Connections will meet at the SMLCR at Trinity Hospital, 8:30-9:30 a.m., Tuesday, March 19. Call 706-481-7979 or visit trinityofaugusta.com.

Crafters Night is each Monday from 6-8 p.m. at the Kroc Center. Call 706-364-5762 or visit krocaugusta.org.

Free tax preparation will be provided through April 12 at the Aiken Library (803-642-2020) and the Nancy Carson Library in North Augusta (803-279-5767). Visit abbe-lib.org.

Simple Cooking Class meets each Monday from 6:308:30 p.m. at the Kroc Center. Call 706-364-5762 or visit krocaugusta.org.

AARP Tax Aide allows seniors to have their returns prepared for free at The Kroc Center through April 15. Call 706-364-4064 or visit krocaugusta.org. Silversneakers strength and range of movement class is offered Mondays and Wednesdays at 9 a.m. and Tuesdays, Thursdays and Fridays at 11:15 a.m., while Silversneakers Yogastretch is offered Mondays and Wednesdays at 11:15 a.m. at the Weeks Center in Aiken. Call 803-642-7631 or visit cityofaikensc.gov. Ceramics Class is offered at 9 a.m. on Mondays or Wednesdays and 6 p.m. on Mondays or Tuesdays at the Weeks Center. Call 803-642-7631 or visit 30 METROSPIRITAUGUSTA’S INDEPENDENT VOICE SINCE 1989

Fit 4 Ever is offered at the Weeks Center in Aiken on Mondays, Wednesdays, Thursdays and Fridays from 10-11 a.m. $27 for 10 tickets; free for SilverSneakers members. Call 803-642-7631 or visit cityofaikensc.gov.

The Garden City Chorus, the area’s leading men’s singing group and a member of the Barbershop Harmony Society, is seeking new members. Those interested are welcome to attend Tuesday night rehearsals, held at 7 p.m. at North Augusta Church of Christ on W. Martintown Road. Visit gardencitychorus.org. Weekly Wine Tastings at Vineyard Wine Market in Evans are held 4:30-6:30 p.m. Fridays, and 1-6 p.m. Saturdays. Call 706-922-9463 or visit vine11.com. Bingo is held every Saturday at 1 p.m. at American Legion Post 205 on Highland Avenue. Call 706-495-3219. 14MARCH2013

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FEATURED

March 14 14Thursday, Live Music

Coyote’s - Frank Hannon French Market Grille West - Doc Easton Smooth Jazz Joe’s Underground - AcostA Malibu Jack’s - Marilyn Adcock Mellow Mushroom (Downtown and Evans) - Live and Local Rose Hill Estate - Preston Weston & Sandra Somewhere In Augusta - Jeff Chuckie P Parrish The Willcox - Jazz Wild Wing - Fustics

If you prefer “cult southern rap” from Bowling Green, Kentucky, then you’re in luck, because Nappy Roots is just that and visits Sky City this Friday, March 15, in a show brought to you by Friends with Benefits. Doors open at 8 p.m., with music starting at 10 p.m. Tickets are $10 in advance and $15 the day of the show. Visit skycityaugusta.com.

What’s Tonight?

Chevy’s Nite Club - Karaoke, wine tasting Cocktails Lounge - Karaoke Fishbowl Lounge - Karaoke Fox’s Lair - Trivia, Soup and Suds Helga’s Pub & Grille - Trivia The Highlander - Butt Naked Trivia Joe’s Underground - Trivia w/ Jacob & Wendell The Loft - Karaoke MAD Studios - Open Mic w/ Thierry Lundy Malibu Jack’s - Karaoke Mi Rancho (Downtown) - Karaoke Mi Rancho (Evans) - Karaoke The Playground - Open Mic with Brandy Shannon’s - Karaoke Villa Europa - Karaoke Wooden Barrel - ’80s Night Karaoke

March 15 15Friday, Live Music

100 Laurens - Jim Fisher Country Club - Jared Ashley Doubletree - Classic Jazz French Market Grille West - Doc Easton Joe’s Underground - MCG Match Day Party The Loft - The Bastard Suns Malibu Jack’s - South Atlantic PI Bar & Grill - Music for Lovers w/ Matthew Whittington Playoffs Sports Bar & Grill - The Southern Meltdown Band Shannon’s - Perfect Picture Sky City - Nappy Roots, Jerry Feels Good Somewhere In Augusta - J.C. Bridwell Stillwater Taproom - Monkeygrass Jug Band Surrey Tavern - Tony Williams & the Blues Express Tavern at the Bean - The Derelict String Band Wild Wing - Shinebox

What’s Tonight?

Armando’s - Karaoke w/ Rockin Rob Cocktails Lounge - Grown-Up Fridays with DJ Cork and Bull Pub - Karaoke Eagle’s Nest - Free Salsa Lessons; Latin Dance Party Fishbowl Lounge - Karaoke Iron Horse Bar & Grill - Karaoke Mi Rancho (Downtown) - Karaoke with Ryan Moseley Mi Rancho (Washington Road) - Karaoke with Jeff Barnes Mi Rancho (Clearwater) - Three J’s Karaoke Ms. Carolyn’s - Karaoke Palmetto Tavern - DJ Tim The Playground - DJ Rebeck’s Hideaway - Open Mic Roadrunner Cafe - Karaoke with Steve Chappel Soul Bar - Pop Life Wooden Barrel - Karaoke Contest 32 METROSPIRITAUGUSTA’S INDEPENDENT VOICE SINCE 1989

March 16 16Saturday, Live Music

100 Laurens - John Kolbeck The Acoustic Coffeehouse - Open Acoustic Jam Session with Eryn Eubanks and the Family Fold Chevy’s Nite Club - Live Music Cotton Patch - John Berret’s LaRoxes Country Club - Amanda Daughtry First Round - You, Me, and US, Sick Sick Sick, Jason and the Punknecks Hoze’s Bar - Bad Habits Joe’s Underground - Keith Gregory Malibu Jack’s - South Atlantic P.I. Bar and Grill - Not Gaddy Jazz with Pam Bowman Polo Tavern - Robbie Ducey Band Sky City - St. Patrick’s Day Party w/ Funk You, The Ramblin’ Fevers, Young Goodman Brown, Sibling String, Craig Waters, DJ Griffen Eubanks Stillwater Taproom - Josh Pierce, Sibling String Surrey Tavern - Tony Williams & the Blues Express Wild Wing - Jon Rooks Trio

What’s Tonight?

Club Argos - Variety Show Cocktails Lounge - Latin Night Fishbowl Lounge - Karaoke Helga’s Pub & Grille - Trivia The Loft - DJ Richie Rich Mi Rancho (Downtown) - Karaoke Mi Rancho (Clearwater) - Karaoke with Danny Haywood Mi Rancho (Washington Road) - Karaoke Ms. Carolyn’s - Karaoke Robbie’s - Saturday Night Dance Party Soul Bar - St. Patty’s Day DJ Mix Wooden Barrel - Kamikaze Karaoke

March 17 17Sunday, Live Music

5 O’Clock Bistro - Funk You Cotton Patch - Keith Gregory (brunch) Iron Horse Bar & Grill - John Berret’s LaRoxes Malibu Jack’s - Playback The Band w/ Tutu Dy’Vine Patridge Inn - Sunday Evening Jazz w/ the Not Gaddy Jazz Trio Wild Wing - St. Patrick’s Day w/ Dave & Michael The Willcox - Jon Vaughn, brunch; Preston & Weston, night

What’s Tonight?

Mi Rancho (Downtown) - Karaoke Mi Rancho (Washington Road) - Karaoke, Salsa Dancing Shannon’s - Karaoke with Peggy Gardner

March 18 18Monday, Live Music Shannon’s - Open Mic Night

What’s Tonight?

Applebee’s (Evans) - Trivia Club Argos - Karaoke Malibu Jack’s - Karaoke Mi Rancho (Downtown) - Trivia Robolli’s - Trivia with Mike Thomas Somewhere in Augusta - Poker Wild Wing - Trivia

March 19 19Tuesday, Live Music The Highlander - Open Mic Night Shannon’s - Karaoke Contest The Willcox - Piano jazz

What’s Tonight?

Chevy’s Nite Club - Shag Night Club Argos - Karaoke Fishbowl Lounge - Dart League Joe’s Underground - Poker Night Laura’s Backyard Tavern - Karaoke w/ David Doane Limelight Cafe - Bottom’s Up Karaoke Malibu Jack’s - Poker Mellow Mushroom (Downtown and Evans) - Trivia The Playground - Truly Twisted Trivia with Big Troy Polo Tavern - Karaoke Shannon’s - Karaoke with Mike Johnson Somewhere In Augusta - Big Prize Trivia Surrey Tavern - Tubeday Tuesday Movie Night

March 20 20Wednesday, Live Music Chevy’s Nite Club - Steve Chappel First Round - Another Lost Year Joe’s Underground - SS Malibu Jack’s - Marilyn Adcock

What’s Tonight?

Armando’s - Karaoke w/ Rockin Rob Club Argos - Santoni’s Satin Dolls

Cocktails Lounge - Augusta’s Got Talent Cotton Patch - Trivia and Tunes Hotel Aiken - Karaoke w/ Tom Mitchell Laura’s Backyard Tavern - Karaoke w/ David Doane The Loft - Karaoke Midtown Lounge - Karaoke w/ Charles O’Byrne Mi Rancho (Downtown) - Karaoke Mi Rancho (Washington Road) - Karaoke The Playground - Krazy Karaoke with Big Troy Polo Tavern - Karaoke w/ Tom Mitchell Somewhere In Augusta - Comedy Zone w/ Josh Blue (winner of Last Comic Standing) Surrey Tavern - Trivia with Christian and Mickey

Upcoming

Von Holmes - Joe’s Underground March 21 Sirsy, Chris Hardy & his 4 Stringed Little Friend Sky City March 21 Celia Gary - Somewhere In Augusta March 21 Keith Gregory - 100 Laurens March 22 Joe Stevenson - Country Club March 22 Celia Gary - Joe’s Underground March 22 Atomic Road - Polo Tavern March 22 Granny’s Gin - Somewhere In Augusta March 22 (r)EVOLUTION - Soul Bar March 22 Mississippi Kites - Stillwater Taproom March 22 Mad Margritt - Wild Wing March 22 Stillview - Joe’s Underground March 23 Irritating Julie - Wild Wing March 23 Mike and Dave - 5 O’Clock Bistro March 24 Kathleen TurnerOverdrive - Joe’s Underground March 27 Von Holmes - Joe’s Underground March 28 Panic Manor w. Everybody Run - Sky City March 28 Tyson Thaxton - Somewhere In Augusta March 28 Michael Stacey Band -Country Club March 29 Lindsay Lou and the Flat Bellys - Stillwater Taproom March 29 Steven Bryant - Tavern at the Bean March 29 Holman Autry - Country Club March 30 Futurebirds w/ Shaun Piazza and New Madrid - Sky City March 30 Joy Division Cover Band - Soul Bar March 30 Jason White - Laura’s Backyard Tavern April 5 She N She w/ AcostA - Sky City April 6 Ryan Morris - MAD Studios April 11 The Broadcast - Surrey Tavern April 11 Carl Dylan - MAD Studios - April12 Carrie Underwood - James Brown Arena April 19 Alice in Chains - Bell Auditorium May 1 14MARCH2013

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Luck of the Irish

St. Patrick’s Day means lots of beer and bands downtown “Crowds of white people scare me,” Sanj, my co-host on 95 Rock, tells me. Oh come on Sanj, it’s only St. Patrick’s Day! I say we all pick up the latest Dropkick Murphys album and enjoy some green beer. Actually, I think I’m just going to stick with the normal beer, but it’s still beer! If you’re not into the Dropkick Murphys, remember: there’s always Flogging Molly and U2. Although I think singing about war, poverty and broken hearts doesn’t really cry “PARTY,” no pun intended. Wait, what about The Cranberries? That scary lady running around like a fraggle from Fraggle Rock doesn’t do it for me either. Lucky for us, we don’t have to pick the music; someone has already down that for us. For St. Patrick’s Day, or the day before St. Patrick’s Day, downtown Augusta turns into a feeding frenzy, but instead of food, everyone is searching for Guinness, Jameson and live entertainment. If there is one place that does it right, it’s Sky City. After the success of last year, they’re continuing with this new tradition. Kicking off at 3 p.m. on Saturday, Sky City will have a sea of entertainment featuring two sets by the band Funk You, along with special guests The Ramblin’ Fevers, The Favors, Sibling String, Young Goodman Brown, Craig Waters, and Griffin Eubanks. Now that’s a line up. If you miss Funk You in the middle of the day, don’t miss the band closing out the night. They are one of the hottest bands to come out of Augusta lately, and you know when you are partying on St. Patty’s Day, they’re going to sound even better. Along with Funk You, Sibling String will be pulling two sets as well. The only difference is that they are playing one set at Sky City, then crossing the street to Stillwater to close out their night. I will be there for that. Every time I see Sibling String, they get better and better. After the band’s performance this past weekend at the Evans Towne Center Park Spring Festival, which was a huge success, I had multiple people coming up asking who they were, and where they were playing next. Putting those guys on the small stage at Stillwater is going to be the perfect end to downing all that green beer. If you’re by the river enjoying some of the festivities that go on over there, make sure you stop by the Cotton Patch. John Berret’s LaRoxes are back with a brand new bass player, John Hearn. John is one of the best players in Augusta, and you’ve probably seen him on a stage around town, so don’t miss the band on the patio at the Patch. Unplugged, no cover, all ages, and I shouldn’t have to mention the good food and cold beer. The band will hit the patio at 7:30. If you don’t plan on waiting until Saturday to enjoy your weekend, which I doubt any of us are, the Nappy Roots are back in Augusta. Hey, remember “Po’ Folks”? Not the song, the delicious restaurant? Anyway, I don’t know if Nappy Roots’ song “Po’ Folks” is about Po’ Folks, but I would like to think it is. The show is $10 in advance and $15 day of show. So if you’re reading this the day that the Spirit lands in those beautiful yellow boxes, you better get moving. A big DVD release this week was Dave Grohl’s documentary “Sound City.” The film features some of the biggest musicians of all time recounting their days in the famous Sound City studio in California. I recommend it. My favorite quotes about the film is when the Foo Fighters are jamming out with Paul McCartney and Dave Grohl says to Paul, “Why can’t it always be this easy,” referring to the two recording a new song. Paul’s response was classic: “it is.” Pick it up, I tell ya! What bands are coming to Augusta? Who do you want to see? Do crowds of white people scare you? Email me at matt@themetrospirit.com.

MATTSTONE can be heard weekdays from 2-6 p.m. on 95 Rock.

WHERE GREAT FOOD ROCKS.

FRIDAY NIGHT ROCKS SHINEBOX SATURDAY NIGHT LIVE JON ROOKS TRIO SUNDAY: ST. PATRICK’S DAY SHAKE YOUR SHAMROCKS WITH DAVE & MICHAEL! $3.50 GUINNESS | $4 IRISH CAR BOMBS

AUGUSTA 706-364-WILD

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3035 WASHINGTON ROAD

| W W W. W I L D W I N G C A F E . C O M AUGUSTA’S INDEPENDENT VOICE SINCE 1989

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Are you so frustrated with your computer you’ve considered tossing it out the window? Is it so slow you can barely use it? Are you having trouble getting to your favorite web page... or facebood? Are you even tempted to teake it to one of those Big Box Stores for service? Think again! Do you really want the place that sells you envelopes or flat screen TVs working on your computer? Bring it to ComputerOne today... and our real computer guys will make it all better at a price you can afford. We’re the opposite of a Big Box Store. We’re the little store in Fairway Square and although we have our own of computer experts, we dont really call them geeks (at least to their faces). They’re just competent, skilled computer technicians with the know-how to clean up your computer at a reasonable price and get you back on the internet fast. And although we’re not keeping score, given the fact we’re celebrating our 25th anniversary this year, it is very likely we’ve sold and repaired more computers than any other company in Augusta... and we have thousands of satisfied customers to prove it.

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34 METROSPIRITAUGUSTA’S INDEPENDENT VOICE SINCE 1989

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Mistaken Identity

Being misidentified sometimes has its advantages

“Hello?” I answered our rarely used and definitely unnecessary home phone. “Who is this?” And angry sounding man was barking at me! “I should ask you the same question.” Um, did you just call me? He yelled at me. He wanted to know why I called his cell phone. I insisted (begged, really) that no one used this phone at all today. He cussed. He said I was lying. He was rather upset. He hung up on me. Since I was home alone, I knew his accusations were untrue. I could’ve just let it go, but I wanted to prove it to him. After all, he was nasty to me. I opened the caller ID and hit redial on the most recent number. Now he was really mad. He was screaming “NOW YOU ARE BOTHERING ME AT WORK! LEAVE ME ALONE!” I calmly said I was sorry to bother him again and assured him that he would feel really stupid when he realized that number A and my number didn’t match up. I hung up on him. That’ll teach him. This same rarely used home number is wrongly dialed nearly every other day. I especially love when people do the “well, is this number xxx-xxxx?” Obviously not. If it was, we wouldn’t be talking now would we? Have you ever been mistaken for someone else? I must have distinct similarities in equal parts to your friend from college, Karen Allen (“Raiders of the Lost Ark,” “Scrooged”), someone you’ve met somewhere before, and Michael Jackson, because it happens to me a lot. “You look just like…” It happened to me just the other day. I walked to up to the clubhouse at my tennis

36 METROSPIRITAUGUSTA’S INDEPENDENT VOICE SINCE 1989

match, and there was a lady very frantically — and happily — waving to me. She had her arms above her head, back and forth, back and forth, and she smiled from ear to ear. She didn’t look at all familiar to me, so I just kept walking. The problem was I was walking toward her. She kept waving (and smiling). In a necessarily discreet way, I turned around to see if anyone else was coming. Nope. It was early enough in the morning and one of our coldest days yet. No one else was playing tennis. She was looking at me. I searched my in-brain rolodex. Have I played her before? Are her kids the same age as The Boy and The Girl? I was approaching her quickly and couldn’t come up with a thing. She was still waving. After climbing the stairs and finally reaching her, she shouted “Congratulations!” and flashed a huge grin. Please keep shouting the well wishes, but, forthelove, take off your dadgum sunglasses. She told me that I did a great job the day before and she was so proud of me. Honestly, this had the makings of a beautiful friendship. If only I knew her name. I had to fess up. I smiled and admitted my confusion. “Um, I’m sorry, but I’m dying to know what I did that was so awesome. It’s not really important, because the positive attention is delightful, but I must admit that I don’t know what the heck you are talking about!” I raised my sunglasses and hoped she would follow suit. Instead, she tilted her head in a bless-your-heart way, rubbed my arm, and congratulated me on the previous day’s tennis victory. She was so sweet. She was also wrong. I saw her bless-her-heart and raised her an I-hate-to-embarrass-you. “Oh, I don’t play on the Thursday team anymore, so it couldn’t have been me. Thank you for the kind words, though.” We laughed. She admitted that my hair was much shorter than the girl she remembered, but said we looked an awful lot alike. I wish her earlier words had been a premonition. I lost the tennis match. She and her partner were better than mine and me, but I was horribly uncoordinated that day. It’s too bad I didn’t resemble a better player. I don’t mind being mistaken for someone famous. During his scandalous times, MJ wasn’t the celeb of choice (RIP MJ), but Karen Allen earned me a free bloody mary once. That, my friends, is worth any confusion you might have. Besides, I don’t mind the occasional misdirected compliment. I’ll set you straight eventually.

JENNYWRIGHT lives in Summerville with her husband, who she calls The Man, and two kids, who she affectionately calls The Boy and The Girl. She enjoys taking photos, cooking and playing tennis.

14MARCH2013

V24|NO11 C

Careers like these need people like you.

Itâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;s not cycling, but watching my daughter run is a pretty cool thing

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Iâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;ve always had this dream that my daughter would grow up to be my cycling partner. In my mind, around the time she was 16 Iâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;d set her up with a nice bike and we would hit the road. Of course sheâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;d be sporting a Giro helmet with her ponytail sticking out the back; a Pearl Izumi kit; and, if I could swing it, a Campagnolo-equipped road bike. Until she gets older, that scenario is going to have to wait. Sheâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;s 11 now and itâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;s hard enough getting her mom to let her ride to the far reaches of the neighborhood, so hitting the open road isnâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;t an option. Besides, sheâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;s shown no inclination to hop on a racing bike and her Trek mountain bike is much better for exploring the roads and trails around our house. So, unless and until the time comes for her to be a junior road racer, Iâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;ll just keep my thoughts to myself and let her grow into what she wants to be. Right now that would appear to be a runner, which is an excellent alternative. A few weeks ago she tried out and made her middle-school track team. She was selected to run the 800. That didnâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;t sit well with her in the beginning. When she saw the cool shoes she decided she wanted to be a sprinter. Alas, her coachâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;s method for deciding which distances each kid would run was a little more involved than basing it on a runnerâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;s fashion preference, so Maddie was selected to run the 800. The distance suits her well. Her first track meet was postponed because of bad weather. The following week they had their regularly scheduled meet as well as the make-up race. Now Iâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;m a little sappy so it was a big deal watching her line up with approximately 20 other girls for her first race. Iâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;m proud to say she put in a great effort. She held back a little and then got caught in some traffic heading into the finish, but finished respectably in the middle of the field. In her make-up race the next day you could tell she had taken the lessons she learned the previous day to heart. She maneuvered through the pack a little more nimbly and had a great kick over the final 100 meters to finish in the top 10, beating 16 girls in the process. While she was excited about having a better result than the day before, you could see her processing ways in which she could improve for the next race. It was neat to see. I dig racing in any form, and I will go on record as saying that watching two determined sixth graders drag race down the last 100 meters of a race to snag a fourth place is every bit as exciting as watching the final sprint of a stage in the Tour de France. Actually itâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;s probably a little more, as there is a sense of purity in their effort. As they hit the final turn, the stands erupted as the parents and teammates screamed for their favorite to give it their all. From the grimaces on their faces, you could tell that theyâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;re â&#x20AC;&#x153;digging into their suitcase of courage,â&#x20AC;? as famous cycling announcer Phil Liggett would say. The finish was so close it took a few minutes to figure out who beat who. As the judges figured out the result, another batch of kids were called to the line and the process started all over again. So as this is being written we are still two days out from the next meet and Iâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;m trying to work my schedule so that I can make it to Harlem to watch Madeline race. Iâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;m settling nicely into the role of a track dad. At this point my emphasis is to ensure that my daughter enjoys the experience. The competitor in me wants her not to load up on snacks and run around on the bleachers before her race, but the father in me recognizes that this is a new and exciting experience for Madeline and that if she is to enjoy it for a lifetime it has to be fun right now. She loves putting on her uniform and new running shoes, cheers her heart out for her teammates and seems to be grasping the idea of competition. As a parent itâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;s a lot of fun to watch. I donâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;t know if she will stay involved in the sport, but I do hope she is establishing a habit of fitness that will stay with her throughout her life. Perhaps it will evolve into a love of cycling with me, or more likely it will involve me running with her. Regardless it will be something we do together. And that means everything. 14MARCH2013

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Track Dad

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621 NW FRONTAGE ROAD | AUGUSTA, GA 30907

5k Fun Run/Walk March 30 Â&#x2021; D P

Intersection of 9th Street & Brainard Avenue Next to the Recycling Center | Check-in begins at 7:00 a.m. At each kilometer, runners are sprayed with color (race course map on reverse side). Runners are blasted with a barrage of colors at the finish line.

Registration: 10 years and under: free with adult purchase 11 years and older: $40.00 Includes: Fun Run, T-shirt and 1 Color Packet Call 706-791-4300 or email Battleofthecolors@gmail.com Visit www.fortgordon.com for Rules and Regulations Presented by

AUGUSTAâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;S INDEPENDENT VOICE SINCE 1989

METROSPIRIT 37

V24|NO11

Michael Johnson

mejphoto.photoreflect.com

Mary Carolyn and Ron Thigpen with Jan and Chairman Ron Cross at SOA Classical Mystery Tour: A Tribute to The Beatles at the Bell.

SIGHTINGS

Tyson Kelly, Benny Chadwick, Chris Camilleri and David John at SOA Classical Mystery Tour: A Tribute to The Beatles at the Bell.

Progressive Melon: Daniel Willingham, Haley Rohe, Erin Willingham and Jackson Taylor at the Evans Towne Farmers Market.

SIGHTINGS

Lindsay McDowell, Regina Daniel and Shane Atkins at the Fire Station No. 7 open house during First Thursday.

Guitarists Shaun Hooper and Henry Wynn at the Guitar Clinic at Portman’s Music Academy.

Aidan Noble, Alexis Carraway, McLain Lambert and Erik Neff Taylor at the Evans Towne Farmers Market.

SIGHTINGS

Gerica Landry, Jasmine Smith and Debbie Revera at the Epic Grand Reopening Party at Surreal at Surrey.

We W e specialize in tree cutting and a nd limbing, landscaping, lot clearing, stump grinding, and much more!

Ask A sk to see our License and Insurance. Michael Murray : 706.691.8832 Thomas Prince : 912.531.7079

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38 METROSPIRITAUGUSTA’S INDEPENDENT VOICE SINCE 1989

Rachel Wood, Jason Long, Ashley Davis and Ben Lutz at the Epic Grand Reopening Party at Surreal at Surrey.

Sally King, Becky Flanagan and Jane Whitt at the Epic Grand Reopening Party at Surreal at Surrey.

MONEY

DOESN’T

GROW ON TREES (Although some local tree services must believe according their estimates!) beli be liliev evee it doe ev ddoes oess ac oe acco cord co rdin rd ingg to tthe in heir he ir eest sttim stim imat ates at ess!)

14MARCH2013

V24|NO11

Metro Spiritâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;s Second Annual ETCP Spring Fest at the Lady Antebellum Amphitheatre.

Brianna Lewis, Brooke Bailey, Heather Smith and Caroline Loss.

SIGHTINGS

Jessica Jahn, Lauren Moxley, Taylor Gray and Lauren Zolotas.

Lisa Griffin, Whitney Whitaker, Chantel Holt and Stephanie Thomas.

SIGHTINGS

Casey Jordan, Gayle Bryan and Austin Bryan.

Brent Liming, Tim Hammond, Joe White and Brian Holcombe.

Headliner Robbie Ducey with Dana and Rick Ducey.

SIGHTINGS

Jonathan and April Kareis with Andrea and Nathan Nale.

Roberto Rivera and Kitza Ongay with Perla.

Michael Johnson

mejphoto.photoreflect.com

Lis Thompson, Mason and Amy Wiest with Casey Reeves.

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The Augusta Environmental Services Department is holding Recycling Events the 3rd Saturday of every month. This Saturday, County residents can recycle up to 5 scrap tires and home electronics at NO CHARGE. No businesses please. GOT TIRES? SC Tire Processing will be at the collection site between 9:00 AM and 2:00 PM this Saturday, March 16th. This monthâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;s site is Pendleton King Park, located on Troupe Street If you have questions please give us a call toll free at 1(855)GOT-TIRES or visit augustasolidwaste.com.

AUGUSTA HAS

GONE GREEN AUGUSTAâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;S INDEPENDENT VOICE SINCE 1989

METROSPIRIT 39

THE

EIGHT

V24|NO11

BOX TOPS

Great and powerful, indeed. RANK

TITLE

WEEKEND GROSS

TOTAL GROSS

WEEK #

LAST WEEK

OZ THE GREAT AND POWERFUL

$79,110,453

JACK THE GIANT SLAYER

$9,839,135

$43,630,504

IDENTITY THIEF

$6,334,220

$116,545,105

DEAD MAN DOWN

$5,345,250

SNITCH

$5,098,235

$31,853,362

SAMEIFLING

“Dead Man Down”

Both pros and cons fill this hard-to-define movie Whether you think “Dead Man Down” is a bad movie, a good one or something between, you must allow at least that, at the most optimistic, it’s a good movie wrapped in a dumb one. The first 10 minutes feature a shootout that borders on video-gameistic, while the last 10 minutes revert to the same. But in the big middle of the sandwich rests the debate. Did we just see a mishmashed, rudderless attempt to redefine the crime thriller? Or was it a curiously original interpretation of a genre that has been gunplayed and grunt-scripted to within a bare inch of its dark, gritty life? Usually this is a question you can weigh online via Rotten Tomatoes or Metacritic or user ratings on imdb.com. You’ve got $10 or so to blow on a movie, and you’re taking along a date, and you’ve got to put gas in the car, and two hours plus drive time is a real chunk of your life, so by the time you invest yourself in a movie you could be out $30 plus opportunity costs, and you want to have an idea heading in that you’re not just dribbling that money onto an open flame. So we look at the critics’ sites. The average score on Metacritic was a 42 out of 100. Rotten Tomatoes, even worse: 36 percent out of 100, a bona fide flunk. But the site for regular viewers, imdb.com, the democracy, gives it a 7.2 out of 10 — not nearly so shabby. What happened in that gap? Here’s what I think happened, having seen “Dead Man Down,” and having mostly enjoyed it, despite wondering through much of it whether I was in fact enjoying a clunker. (Which is fine! If your heart doesn’t have space in it for crap, you’re squeezing too hard.) My guess is critics blanched when “Dead Man Down” announced itself as a certain kind of movie and swerved hard midway through the first act. It begins as a cold-blooded mob potboiler. A mid-level crime boss (Terrence Howard) has been receiving threatening notes and spooky cut-up photos and then, at his house, a corpse packed in ice in his deep freezer. Clues point to a drug den that is subsequently shot up in a hail of cartoony submachinegunned bangity-bang. We soon learn the hit missed, and the tormentor is still at large. Hard cut to the apartment building of one of his lieutenants, the rakishly handsome but quietly suffering Victor, played by a restrained Colin Farrell. His high-rise apartment sits across the street from an alluring but disfigured Noomi Rapace (from the Swedish film versions of “The Girl with the Dragon Tattoo,” etc.).

FEBRUARY 8

COMEDY

“The Incredible Burt Wonderstone,” rated PG-13, starring Steve Carell, Jim Carrey, Olivia Wilde, Steve Buscemi, James Gandolfini, Alan Arkin. This movie, about rival Vegas magicians, looks like one of those things that shouldn’t work but somehow does. Kind of like “Anchorman: The Legend of Ron Burgundy.” You know: ridiculous costumes, idiotic story, all-around dumb idea. And yet, we can’t seem to get enough.

40 METROSPIRITAUGUSTA’S INDEPENDENT VOICE SINCE 1989

They make an awkward, semicute attempt at meeting. Then she springs a bit of crazy: She has serious dirt on him and she means to blackmail him into doing something terrible for her. They become confidantes, each sucked into the revenge plot the other is nursing. Feelings develop, and of course those bring with them vulnerabilities that make life harder in a dark, gritty crime thriller. C’est la vie. Pros: The cast, strong. The director, Niels Arden Oplev, who did the aforementioned Swedish “Dragon Tattoo,” also strong. Enough cloak plus dagger to keep you curious. Peculiar story. Cons: Sluggish start. Uneven chemistry between Farrell and Rapace. Unexplained godlike gunslinging abilities for Farrell’s character. You probably won’t love it, but I just can’t see what critics seem to hate about it. Oh, one more pro, and this one weighs heavily. “Dead Man Down” feels strangely honest. Even if the film is only a 42, the few audiences that shelled out for this saw it as more of a 72. Call it points for trying.

THRILLER

“The Call,” rated R, starring Halle Berry, Abigail Breslin, Morris Chestnut. What do you get when you cross an A-List actress and Oscar winner with a Lifetime movie? “The Call,” about a 911 operator who goes toe to toe with a serial killer to make up for a life she couldn’t save. It looks super cheesy and melodramatic, but also worth watching… maybe.

14MARCH2013

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LINE

WHINELINE@THEMETROSPIRIT.COM

Have something you want to get off your chest? Send your whines to whineline@themetrospirit. com. If you do so by noon on Friday, you might just see it in the next Thursday’s issue. Oh, and whines may be edited for content but will pretty much be printed exactly as you type them.

It’s good to see that Jimi Hendrix is coming out with a new album...albeit he’s been dead for 43 years!

worthless. Marion Williams please find something else to do or just move away I’m tired of hearing your name.

Local tv viewers in the “know” are not creeped out by the commercials with the guy with the red coat and white gloves who is at your service.... If the rest of you only knew what (swinging )service was all about your creep meter would max out!

This operation thunder is ridiculous. The times and method need to be thought through it seems to create more of a distraction then it should. Blue lights are for emergencies and calls, not for show.

Three of Austin Rhodes favorite commissioners get caught breaking the ethics ordinance and he brings up politicians that are deceased or haven’t been in power for decades. How hypocritical is that. The taxpayers of Augusta pay for commissioners to have trainings but Joe Jackson states that he did not know that there was a ethics ordinance, we need to look more careful with the people that we elect. ENOUGH with all this talk about a new stadium for the Jackets!! What downtown Augusta needs is a new arena. Similar sized cities like Huntsville (where I’m currently attending college) have either relatively new or recently renovated buildings, but “Disgusta” is left with a crappy Philadelphia Spectrum knock-off from the 70s. My idea: implode the JBA, dump the rubble in the Atlantic, and build a state-of-the-art facility on the same spot seating around 6,000-8,000, complete with NHL-regulation ice, new scoreboard, expanded concessions, and FREE PARKING. Oh, and DISSOLVE THE FRICKIN COLISEUM AUTHORITY!! Really commissioners have the nerve to get onto other commissioners when they are just as bad and actually

42 METROSPIRITAUGUSTA’S INDEPENDENT VOICE SINCE 1989

A truck that big has no right driving through an intersection that fast. There is no way they could have been able to check for traffic.

RE: GETTING SHOT and BAGGY PANTS - When will Augusta ever deal with all of this deep-seeded hatred, in a positive way??? It is not even funny anymore. If you cozy up with Grand Wizards of The KKK and make comments like “Hitler was largely misunderstood”, don’t be surprised when you have a credibility problem.

This whine is too all the boys who walk around with their pants down past their butts...pull up your pants “boy”. I refer to you as a “boy” because real men have learned to pull up their pants. This “Fasshion” statement started in prison (to let other men know you are available for booty call) and it has long since gone out of style. So, unless you are soliciting yourself..PULL UP YOUR PANTS and gain some respect! It makes you look stupid, like you never learned to pull up your pants. I know your Moma taught you better than that! It is only a matter of time before Augusta Fire kills someone on Washington Rd. Wednesday March 5th between 2:30 and 3:00 a big ladder truck came flying up behind me and about 30 other cars in all lanes at Berkmans Rd. They went all the way around us into the oncoming lane at approximately 50mph and then through a Red Light and maybe slowed down to 40mph.

Austin Rhodes get less relevant every week. I know you need a “name brand” to keep you afloat, but THAT guy? Geez. He makes Ann Coulter look like a Care Bear.

THUMBS

WHINE

V24|NO11

“One pope over the line, sweet Jesus. One pope over the line.” Stephen Colbert’s response to having both a pope and a pope emeritus at the Vatican is possibly the funniest thing he’s ever said.

down

Pipe down, Sarah Palin. Nobody cares what you think about the New York soda ban controversy. “Liber ty loving soda drinkers”? Come on. Even you has to know how lame that sounds.

14MARCH2013