Metro Spirit 03.22.2012 by Metro Spirit

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AmyChristian|production director amy@themetrospirit.com

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INSIDER JENNY IS WRIGHT AUGUSTA TEK AUSTIN RHODES

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INSIDER@THEMETROSPIRIT.COM Insider is an anonymous, opinion-based examination of the hidden details of Augusta politics and personalities.

SIDER

SEC Filing Shows Morris Unloading Real Estate On March 19, Morris Publishing Group, LLC entered into an agreement of purchase and sale with Hagen Creek Properties, Inc., a Georgia corporation, for the sale of Morris Publishing’s newspaper building and real estate located at One Press Place in Athens. The building contains approximately 102,000 square feet of space and is situated on approximately 3.1 acres. Morris Publishing will continue to publish its newspaper, the

Athens Banner-Herald, following the sale. Under the agreement, the buyer will pay Morris Publishing $13,230,000, payable in cash, at closing, with the net proceeds going towards paying down its $100 million aggregate principal amount of floating rate secured notes due in 2014. Morris Publishing will lease back approximately 10,000 square feet of the property for a period of five years.

THUMBS

Augusta’s getting its annual spring cleaning!

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Augusta gets an annual cleaning.

Westobou Festival 2012 Already Underway Look for the lineup announcement in the Metro Spirit in a month or so for this year’s Westobou, which Molly McDowell promises will be a younger, funkier festival. “We’re not ever going to be Spoleto,” she said. “You’ve got the James Brown Arena bringing in older acts like Elton john, the Banjo-B-Que doing their thing, Blind Willie doing theirs, so we just want to do ours.” Music will start Thursday night, September 6, and they are planning on how best to work with the Border Bash that Friday. “It’s going to be First Friday, too, so we want to give folks something cool that are already down here,” she said. Expect much more at the Parade Grounds at the Old Academy of Richmond County. That, McDowell said, will be the festival center and will occupy more rooms in the building than last year.

Food Truck Rodeo! The city of Augusta is on the verge of having multiple food trucks. Crums on Central has one. The Rooster’s Beak has one. The Brown Bag is a new truck just getting going. There are many more in the works. As such, the city’s Planning and Development Department added an agenda item on Tuesday’s commission meeting to set forth rules and regulations. Word got out that the commission would be discussing the issue, and some owners made their way to the marble palace to see what was going on. Most, if not all, food truck owners in town are established restaurant owners who see this as an opportunity to expand their brand and reach new customers, creating an additional revenue stream. Thus, they are well versed in the requirements placed upon them by the county to operate. Food safety, proper equipment, handling of waste… the importance of all of these issues is definitely agreed upon by operators. Where it gets a little sticky is when the city limits or restricts them in such a way as to make them difficult to operate. One of the proposed ordinances would place a limit of just one food truck vendor per lot or parcel. That restriction just doesn’t make sense. It’s a part of the food truck culture to have maybe four or six at a time, and it becomes an event that people can come to. Google “Food Truck Rodeo” and you’ll find literally hundreds around the country. You have to be able to have more than one truck at an event. Our suggestion? Sit down with the food truck owners and work with them on ordinances ahead of passing them. Copying ordinances from other cities won’t work. There are no other cities like Augusta. Giddy up!

Everyone is heading to the NEW

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Luck of the Irish? Anybody Else Want to Run?

NOW OPEN 7 DAYS

IN FRONT OF WALMART IN EVANS

Freddie Sanders is the fifth candidate to enter the Richmond County sheriff’s race, and he will be a formidable opponent. Very popular, a good lawyer, highly regarded as an officer, Freddie was the county police chief back when they were hired like our current fire chief. He lost his job because of some political maneuvering by thenSheriff Charlie Webster, and after that he entered the law profession. But when he was sheriff, Sanders came in and cleaned up a corrupt department and is highly regarded by law enforcement. Unfortunately, the Richmond County voters who were around back then moved on to Columbia County years ago. The movers and shakers and political insiders all know him, but do the current Richmond County voters? Insiders say he will most definitely pull votes from Scott Peebles and Robbie Silas — and those intimating he is “win insurance” for either of those two are being misled. One rumor floating that is more believable is that he will drop out of the race if either Peebles or Silas is the Democratic survivor. As for the other candidates who have announced so far, here is the word on the street: Roundtree — one prominent member of the legal profession jokingly said that if he was elected he would be in jail in 18 months. Not because he is a bad guy, but because he is just so careless. If elected, expect a mass exodus of sheriff department employees. Well, the ones that can go. Ivey — a very nice man, but no way could he run the department. Silas — fired by Webster, rehired by brother-in-law Strength, he moved up quickly through “nepotism promotion.” A Silas win won’t cause a run for the exits, but many doubt his abilities. Also, he has some baggage from the Webster firing that will bubble up as the election grows nearer. Sanders — see above. Peebles — in for a fight. Considering Atlanta just agreed to spend $2.6 million (plus legal fees) on Monday to settle lawsuits against the police department, taxpayers may look at more of the Strength regime a wise move. At least he is a known commodity.

At least three of the candidates for Ronnie Strength’s throne as Richmond County sheriff wasted no time in working the crowds at downtown’s St. Patrick’s Day parade, and the different ways in which they presented themselves to voters were striking, to say the least. Scott Peebles may or may not be the anointed one now that Freddie Sanders has thrown his hat in the ring, but he sure looked like one last Saturday. As the blazing sun shone down on his boyish face, nary a drop of sweat besmirched his brow or his perfectly pressed green button down. His supporters — cute, well groomed and enthusiastic — followed behind with signs held proudly aloft. Peebles And speaking of hats, get a load of Richard Roundtree. He may have been carrying a water bottle the entire time, but if that hat doesn’t say par-tay, we don’t know what does. The untucked shirt and the way he pointed to people in the crowd with an easy grin clearly did nothing to assuage those who think Roundtree his devil may care attitude may not make him the best fit for the top cop position. And then there was John Ivey, who sat atop a convertible clad in his Masters Tournament best. Sure, he looks like a guy you’d like to hang out with on the golf course, but running the Sheriff’s Ivey Department? The jury’s still out on that one.

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METRO SPIRIT 03.22.12

JENNY IS WRIGHT Teach Your Children Well

I took The Kids to the zoo in Columbia last week. The Boy insisted on wearing those shoes. Anyone who knows me knows how much I dislike them. You know the ones — the toe shoes, with the five separate toes. They’re ugly. My kids and The Man love them, though, and they wear them. I don’t mind that much. It’s definitely not a hill worth dying on. So he wears the shoes. No big deal. As we’re walking through the crowds (since when did that zoo get crowded?), a group of kids starts talking very loudly about the shoes. “Oh my GOSH. Look at that boy’s shoes!” “Eww, those shoes are so weird!” They went on and on, and the mom even joined in, saying, “Yeah, you won’t ever have those ugly things.” Meanwhile, The Boy is starting to follow me very closely, trying to hide his shoes. I assured him that the kids were likely jealous of his crazy shoes, and were seriously lacking manners. This certainly wasn’t any sort of severe bullying or anything; it was a one-time thing, and it wasn’t even all that mean. One thing stood out, though. Not once, in the nearly 10-minute encounter, did the mom try to shush her obnoxious brood. She walked along, inches away, encouraging them and even adding her own comments. You see, during moments like these, we should be teaching our children. As adults and parents, it’s our duty. If we don’t, they will be mean to one another. It’s that simple. I do believe that kids can sometimes work it out on their own. In fact, I often tell my kids that I don’t want to hear any more tattling. I even throw out the “unless there’s blood, y’all figure it out.” However, if we don’t set good examples and give them the tools to work it out, how will they ever do is successfully? They won’t. Recent conversations with friends have rendered me furious at dismissive parents, faculty and people in administrative roles. I leave what should be a friendly lunch with other moms sad and frustrated. Disclaimer: I’m not at all talking about the school my kids attend. My kids are a little too young to really see the need for it, but Lake Forest Hills does have an antibullying system in place. But these conversations. Stories of kids, the same kids again and again, treating their peers with hatred. If you’re not on the bully’s side, you’ll be picked on. Might as well join the pack, right? That may not be the right choice, but it’s better than having your legs covered in welts after being whipped by a bead-wielding bully on the playground. Unfortunately, all the other kids are standing by, watching, scared to speak up because they understand the consequences. You speak up, you suffer. What sounds absurd really is absurd. What’s even worse is what’s being done about it. The parents who are angered by this don’t have mean kids. The parents of the mean kids are often oblivious, telling the kids to work it out on their own. While I do believe that the fundamental responsibility lies with the parents, when kids are at school, the school has to take over. The stories I’m hearing are of administrators and teachers who are well aware of what is happening, but they’re scared of the bullies’ parents. Excuse me? Does this mean they don’t want to upset them? Miss out on a big donation check? Honestly, I can’t think of anything more important than our kids and raising them in a safe environment that builds confidence and good character. As soon as you take all that away, what on earth is the point? Let me just say this to the parents who seem blissfully unaware of their child’s wicked ways. Deep down you know it’s your child. Those meetings, seminars and coalitions are because of your child. Instead of being so worried about whether they’re the best baseball player, wear the coolest clothes or have the latest iPod, how about teaching them to be kind, respectful and courteous to one another. It may seem like an insurmountable and boring task, but hey, it’s little part of what I like to call PARENTING. No one said it was easy.

JENNYWRIGHT lives in Summerville with her husband, who she calls The Man, and two kids, who she affectionately calls The Boy and The Girl. She enjoys taking photos, cooking and playing tennis.

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AUGUSTA TEK Geek Dads Are Cool

Three Million and Counting. Apple announced that they sold three million iPads over the weekend. That amounts to one iPad for each person that saw “Dr. Suess’ The Lorax” last week. Initial feedback from the buyers? Just what was expected — totally awesome! Pack ‘Em In. Seagate announced this week that it has become the first company to achieve a storage density of one terabit, or one trillion bits, per square inch. For comparison, the total number of stars in the Milky Way galaxy is estimated at 200 billion to 400 billion. This milestone was achieved using a new recording technology call heat-assisted magnetic recording (HAMR). The first generation HAMR drives will double the storage capacity of existing drives. The theoretic peak density is estimated at 5 to 10 terabits per square inch. Impact to the consumer? Look for hard drives to reach 60TB within the next decade. For those of us with HD video collections, they can’t come soon enough! Big Easy Goes Big Tech. Did anyone read the opinion piece in the Wall Street Journal last week about New Orleans transforming itself into a tech town? About 10 years ago, a group of visionaries created an abstract organization called the Idea Village. This Idea Village would be an innovative center for start-ups by sponsoring events and providing capital to bolster local entrepreneurship. Last week, it held its fourth annual Entrepreneur Week, featuring 525 start-ups competing for $1 million in capital and consulting services. The silver lining of Katrina is that it provided the opportunity to remake its failed institutions, and New Orleans got serious about changing its culture. Last year the city was cited by Forbes as the No. 1 brain magnet for college graduates, and Inc. magazine called it the coolest start-up city in America. Remember a couple of weeks ago, when the mayor announced the Augusta Regional Collaboration project? I can’t think of a better place than the Garden City to grow seed capital. Hip to be Square. According to a recent survey sponsored by Cisco Home Networking, the Geek Dad is quickly establishing himself as the coolest member of the family. The Geek Dad loves tech gadgets — 80 percent say they are one of the

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first of their friends to buy new tech products — and he is eager to share this passion with his kids. Interestingly enough, the kids are into it as well, with 71 percent of respondents saying they are spending more time engaged in activities with their kids than their fathers did with them. The Geek Dad isn’t completely Nerd City — 77 percent are into sports, 65 percent are into the outdoors and 82 percent are into music. But while kids say that their Geek Dad is cooler than other dads, there is a downside. Twenty percent admit to using technology in secret to avoid being discovered by their wives. History Without Proof. This past week, I read an article discussing the demise of print media. The article pointed out that we are at a point in history where human-readable content may soon cease to exist. Think about it… most “print” content is no longer visible to the naked eye without some sort of machine intervention. So what happens to our history when nothing is “written” down? How would a future archeologist study our era if none of our intellectual creations could be examined? Unfortunately, rather than continuing with the thought experiment, the article tried to connect the end of print media with the Mayan calendar and the end of the “recorded” time. In another weird twist, it further degenerated into a discussion of whether the tablets used in “Star Trek” were of iPad or Android linage. I guess some print may not be worth keeping. “Star Trek” Tablets. Actually, not a bad question... Apple or Android? Thoughts? Until next time, I’ll see you on the internet @gregory_a_baker.

GREGORY A. BAKER, PH.D, is vice president and chief rocket scientist for CMA, which provides information technology services to CSRA businesses and nonprofits.

METRO SPIRIT 03.22.12

AUSTIN RHODES

Race for Sheriff Looking Like the Cannonball Run If time machines really existed, I wonder how much money Ronnie Strength would pay to buy one? The race to replace the retiring Richmond County sheriff has turned into one gigantic cluster muck. A disaster of Biblical proportions. All that is missing are frogs and locusts, and maybe the Savannah River turning into blood. With five declared candidates, and more possibly on the way, we are just one Gary Coleman short of a California gubernatorial contest. All of this could have been avoided, or at least most of it could have been avoided, if the retiring lawman had held a press conference back in November, with the following statement (as you read this, hear it in the voice of Ronnie Strength): “Fellow Augustans, I come to you in this season of both Halloween and Thanksgiving to both scare you and thank you. I thank you for all the faith you have had in me and this department for all the years I have served you. It has been an honor. As I formally enter my last year as your sheriff, let me now tell you that we live in dangerous times. While we do not have a foreign enemy that we fight within our national borders, we have an internal criminal problem which, despite the best efforts of law enforcement nationwide, threatens every city and state from coast to coast. It is a battle we wage here in the city of Augusta every single day. We cannot fight this battle successfully without the best-trained and mostexperienced men and women in charge. I have to leave you as sheriff only because my aging body demands a rest, but I will continue to be with you in the spirit and the physical efforts of a young man that I have known literally since the day he was born. Truth be told, I love him like a son of my own... and I know his late father looks down on him right now as proud as he can be. He began his work here as a street deputy, and has worked his way into the position of one of our leading criminal investigators and department veterans. I have many trusted and valued colleagues in this office, brothers who have been engaged in this ongoing war on crime since we were all boys ourselves. If Ken Autry, Gary Powell or Sid Hatfield were 20 years younger, no doubt I would be looking to one of them to take the reins as I step away. But alas, the calendar and the clock have done us all in at about

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AUSTINRHODES

The views expressed are the opinions of Austin Rhodes and do not necessarily represent the views of the publisher.

the same rate. I know that soon, each will be joining me at the retirement table, for what I hope will be many, many years of reflection and leisure. Like me, they say there is one man that is best suited in this department, this city and this county to continue Richmond County’s fight against the criminal element. Best suited because he knows the community as his own, he knows this battle as his own and he brings to the fight new ideas and new inspiration that is only possible with the passing of another generation. Let me say now, loudly and clearly, I intend to spend my last year in office continuing to lead and guide our officers in the fight, and in November I will ask city voters to validate my service, and the prospect for even greater success in the future, by voting for the man that all the individuals in my inner circle of trusted officers and colleagues agree is the best candidate to lead this office in the never-ending war on crime: Captain Scott Peebles. He has my vote, he has the respect and support of my lead team, and there is no individual whose leadership qualities or qualifications compare. I end with this: A vote against Scott is a vote against me. Make no mistake, the office of sheriff is not inherited, nor is it bequeathed, but you have asked me to tell you the truth and if I could stay forever and fight, I would. Scott Peebles is the best way to keep my fight going. One year from now, join me and vote for Scott Peebles.” The sheriff did not make that speech, but he now wishes he had. The latest in the mix is “the guy” I suggested had to stand on the Republican side to ensure the office was not won or lost in a Democratic primary. To keep department continuity, “the guy” needed to be a close Strength ally, and he most certainly is. I had no idea “the guy” was going to be former cop, now attorney, Freddie Sanders. I suspect this run has as much to do with establishing the GOP credentials he needs to become a Superior Court judge, as it does with continuing the Strength Legacy. He has been rejected twice for judge by the governor, only because he lacked the Republican pedigree. Mission accomplished.

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Tangled Web

ERICJOHNSON

State Senate race touches — and is affected by — many others Robert Buchwitz is about to enter one of the most overlooked but potentially compelling political races in the area this year. He’s about to enter the Republican primary to challenge State Sen. Jesse Stone for the District 23 Senate seat. “I haven’t had an official release,” he says, “but I filed my intentions with the state to where I can start raising money. We’re going to see what kind of interest there is. If the interest is like I think it is to unseat Mr. Stone, then we’re going to do it. If we can’t raise the money or there’s no interest, then he’ll get a pass.” Some people say getting a pass could be damaging to the Republican Party, particularly in Columbia County, but for Buchwitz, the race seems to be less about the political chess match then it does solid representation. “A lot of people don’t know Mr. Stone, and if they do know him, they say he’s kind of not passionate about serving,” Buchwitz says. “They say he’s just kind of warming the seat, and we need someone taking action. A lot of this district needs some help, and they don’t seem to be getting it.” Stone, a lawyer, is the former mayor of Waynesboro. In 2010 he took over the District 23 seat after running unopposed in the wake of Democratic Senator J.B. Powell’s last-minute switch to run for ag commissioner. Many political insiders consider Stone a lightweight in need of political help to stay in office, which could explain the boundaries of the newly drawn Senate map, which pulls the 23rd District up into heavily Republican Columbia County. In theory, having Stone as an additional senator should be a good thing for Columbia County — two Republicans instead of one could certainly help push through local legislation. But if Jesse Stone should stumble — or motivate the Democratic base as many feel he has — he could easily lose that seat, which would then leave Columbia County with a split delegation — Republican Bill Jackson and whatever Democrat beats Stone. Stone and Democrat Hardie Davis currently split the Richmond County delegation, and overcoming that split is one of the reasons the Republican legislators redrew the Senate map in such a way that it brought Bill Jackson down into a tiny sliver of Richmond County. With Jackson in Richmond County, that would give the Republicans a 2-1 advantage and therefore control of Richmond County’s local legislation. “It’s a very cynical approach,” says Richmond County Democratic Party Chairman Lowell Greenbaum. “We understand that the Republicans are out to diminish our strength in the CSRA and we welcome the battle, but this is no battle. It’s stacking the deck.” By stacking the deck, he means it unfairly benefits Republicans. “Anything that the local delegation proposes — or even the commission, if for any reason it needs to go to the state — the Republicans can deny it without question. That’s a problem,” Greenbaum says. Who does Greenbaum blame? V. 23 | NO. 12

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NEWS

“Obviously, if Stone gives up his territory, he’s been told to by someone and he’s agreed to that, so he’s a guilty party as far as I’m concerned,” he says. “He should have stood up to his principals and said, ‘You don’t represent anybody here — I do.’” Jackson reportedly wanted no part of the power grab, and some feel the move was made to punish him for siding with Casey Cagal in the lieutenant governor’s Atlanta showdown with President Pro Tem Tommy Williams. Whatever the reason, the audacity of the move has angered and potentially galvanized a black community already enraged by Republican State Rep. Barbara Sims’ earlier move to hold nonpartisan elections in July instead of November. That move is considered a way to marginalize the black vote in a year when the black vote is expected to be particularly strong in the general election as President Barak Obama seeks reelection. “It was another cynical ploy in order to reduce the Democratic influence and the minority influence on the election of commissioners and other non partisans, including judges,” Greenbaum says. “I know the NAACP and Dr. Charles Smith are very active in this, and I applaud them for that.” Buchwitz, however, sounds bored by all the political inside baseball. “That’s not really what interested me,” he says. “The biggest thing was not having any representation for the two years he’s been there.” Buchwitz, who is chairman of the Hephzibah Commission, says Stone has yet to introduce himself. “We’ve had things we’ve needed help with, and he’s just never been there,” he says. “I think he should have at some point or another come to see what help he could offer, but he hasn’t done that, and as I got to questioning around the district, I found out he’s not done it hardly anywhere.” This is Buchwitz’s 15th year on the Hephzibah Commission and the seventh as the chairman, and in those years he says the city has accomplished a lot. “We’ve expanded our sewer system, we’ve drilled a well and we’re in the process of building a half million dollar water storage tank,” he says. “Our population since the last census has grown and we still have no city property taxes and we have no debt.” Such an enviable state of affairs comes from trying to do what’s needed rather than what’s wanted, he says. To offer that kind of leadership requires the ability to say no. “The government’s function gets skewed sometimes into thinking it’s a catch-all and a jobs program, and that’s not what government is for,” he says. “We’re supposed to provide the infrastructure people can’t provide for themselves and public safety-type of issues, and that’s what we do.” He admits that running a campaign in what is, area-wise, the second largest district METRO SPIRIT 03.22.12

Buchwitz and family in the state is tough. “At $4.19 a gallon for diesel fuel, it sure is,” he says. The district is spread across portions of 11 counties, though because of the population and the heavy number of

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Republicans in certain areas, only a few will really come into play during the primary. “McDuffie County was the third largest county in the vote totals for the election two years ago,” Buchwitz (pictured

above with his family) says. “One thousand, one hundred and sixty-nine people voted in the Republican primary, while Richmond County was, like, 1,550 and Columbia County was 2,305.” And while Buchwitz has a stronger

base in Richmond County, many Richmond County Republicans will be voting on the Democratic ballots because of the sheriff’s race. Four of the five current candidates, including Scott Peebles and Richard Roundtree, are running as Democrats. “My family and friends and supporters in Hephzibah and south Richmond County — people who would normally want to vote for me — they’re also wanting to vote in the Democratic sheriff’s race,” he says. “It hurts Jesse Stone, too, but I think it hurts me worse because that’s where my support base is going to be.” Given the numbers, though, if Buchwitz is able to campaign strong in McDuffie County, and particularly if he’s able to articulate to Columbia County voters the potential perils of a vote for Stone, Buchwitz could end up on top. Of course, Greenbaum is trying to field a candidate to go against either of them, and according to him, the stakes have never been higher. “People are really upset and want to do something about it,” he says. “And we’re fearful that if the Republicans get the national election, it will be even worse, and then we may have trouble in this country.”

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ERICJOHNSON

Kiss Me, I Made a Mess Downtown left uncleaned after parade

St. Patrick knew how to drive the snakes out of Ireland, but it seems nobody in Augusta knew what to do with the garbage left by Saturday’s St. Patrick’s Day parade. “In my mind, we blew it,” said Administrator Fred Russell. Russell acknowledged the city’s poor response in an interview Tuesday. The parade left the downtown area awash in debris and many downtown residents wondering if they’d been forgotten. In a way, they had. “I think the people have a valid complaint,” Russell said. “We sort of dropped the ball on that one.” Russell said that picking up after large downtown events is usually a combined effort between the city and the Downtown Development Authority’s Cadi crew, which normally tidies up the downtown area. The thing of it is, Russell said, it’s been awhile St. Patrick’s Day rose to the level of a large event. “St. Patrick’s Day parades for the last six or seven years haven’t generated the kinds of crowds that we had on Saturday,” Russell said. “We weren’t prepared for that.” Though some have speculated that

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because the parade was on a Saturday, the city intentionally decided not to pay its employees overtime, Russell maintains that wasn’t the case. “We didn’t decide anything,” he said. “In this case, we sort of got caught looking the other way, but in a good way. I had to park in the parking deck to find a parking space, as did a lot of other people that day, so that, at least, was a good thing.” The Cadi crew eventually started cleaning on Monday morning and later in the day they were joined by city crews.

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ERICJOHNSON

Garbage Bill

State looks at changing garbage fee collection Local officials have been monitoring two bills in Atlanta that could potentially change the way Augustans pay for their garbage. HB 893 is a bill that would repeal the tax commissioner’s ability to use his levying power to collect solid waste fees, while HB 291 would limit non-tax-related fees or assessments from going on property tax bills. Currently, in Richmond County, garbage and street light fees are bundled together with the property tax when sent out by the tax commissioner. “Some tax commissioners don’t do that,” says Steven Kendrick, Augusta’s tax commissioner. “Some tax commissioners refuse when their counties ask them to do that.” Kendrick says he has simply continued with the practice established by his predecessor. “It’s a nuisance to try to manage solid waste on a property tax bill, but we continue to do it because it would just be troublesome not to,” he says. “But if this goes through, the county is going to have to find a way to bill solid waste without putting it on a property tax bill.” Even though he wouldn’t be able to include it on the bill itself, Kendrick says it would still make sense for his office to do it. “We’re the guys who bill and collect,” he says. “We’re the most experienced at doing that. Otherwise, they would have to create a whole new department or group of folks just to learn how to bill solid waste when we already kind of know how to do it.” Administrator Fred Russell is not keen on the idea of a change. “It would be somewhat burdensome for us to have to do it any other way than what we’re doing now,” he says. When it comes to the practical application, however, Kendrick says taxpayers may like the distinction, since divorcing the garbage bill from the property tax bill could potentially give them more time to pay. It could also make it relatively convenient to not pay. “It’s just something that gets done instead of having to make an actual payment,” Russell says.

12 METRO SPIRIT 03.22.12

Kendrick agrees. “Right now, with it on the property tax bill, we’re not able to do anything as it relates to installment billing,” he says. “The legislature has passed the enabling legislation so we can, but the way we do our millage rate, it’s pretty much impossible to do. So with this, at least the solid waste portion could conceivably be broken up into twice a year.” Some people’s tax bills are less than a $1,000, he says, so if $300 of it is garbage, then you’ll get a $700 bill and the other $300 you may get at different times — and possibly split up. Because it’s illegal to collect tax money before the millage rate has been set, the plan would allow the county to collect the garbage and street light portion prior to that. Another distinction — the IRS allows you to deduct property taxes. “However, if you take your entire property tax bill as probably 90 percent of the people do, then what you’re doing is not giving an accurate reflection of what was actually property taxes,” Kendrick says. “You’re giving property taxes plus solid waste plus street lights.” Given the fact that both bills were introduced by State Rep. Brett Harrell, who works for Advanced Disposal, there’s a natural skepticism about meaning behind the bills. Kendrick says it could be an attempt to level the playing field. Right now, when you don’t pay your bill, the tax commissioner is going to come after you with whatever power he can use, he says, but once the bill is separated from the tax bill, it becomes just another bill. If you don’t pay it, you’ll simply get service withheld until you do. “A lot of people are probably saying, ‘I don’t care if you cut my garbage off, because I don’t want garbage service in the first place,” he says. “So, if our collection rate on garbage is reduced and we can’t be as effective as I am now at collecting garbage fees, cities might decide that maybe they need to get out of that business altogether.” Which, of course, would mean that the private sector would jump right in. “That’s just pure speculation,” Kendrick says about the motivation of the bills. “But it does level the playing field.”

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METRO SPIRIT 03.22.12 13

TERENCEBARBER

Your Weird Week in Crime

M W Monday, March 12

One count of: Burglary with forced entry (time unknown) Burglary with forced entry (night time) Burglary with forced entry (daytime) Theft/mislaid property Two counts of: Property damage Public peace disturbance Assault Three counts of: Financial fraud Five counts of: Invasion of privacy

Tuesday, March 13

One count of: Property damage Identity fraud Weapon offense (pointing firearm) Recovered property Burglary with forced entry (time unknown) Burglary with forced entry (night time) Burglary with forced entry (daytime) Burglary with no forced entry (daytime) Theft of services (From Club Rehab) Property damage Two counts of: Theft/mislaid property Public peace disturbance Three counts of: Assault

Wednesday, March 14

One count of: Forgery Theft/mislaid property Financial fraud Invasion of privacy Terroristic acts and threats Burglary with no forced entry (daytime) Two counts of: Burglary with forced entry (time unknown) Burglary with forced entry (night time) Burglary with forced entry (daytime) Assault Four counts of: Auto theft Seven counts of: Larceny (both felony and misdemeanor)

TH Thursday, March 15

One count of: Attempted burglary Assault Depravation of minor Public peace disturbance Theft/mislaid property Theft by deception Auto theft Identity fraud Burglary with forced entry (time unknown)

Five counts of: Invasion of privacy

Two counts of: Property damage Burglary with forced entry (daytime)

11 counts of: Larceny (both felony and misdemeanor)

Four counts of: Financial fraud Five counts of: Invasion of privacy

Weapons of the Week Sticks Fist Nails Beer can Mace Hammer

14 METRO SPIRIT 03.22.12

Eight counts of: Larceny (both felony and misdemeanor)

Friday, March 16

One count of: Burglary with no forced entry (time unknown) Burglary with forced entry Financial fraud Theft/mislaid property Two counts of: Burglary with forced entry (night time) Assault Public peace disturbance Three counts: Forgery 17 counts of: Larceny (both felony and misdemeanor)

Saturday, March 17

One count of: Burglary with forced entry (daytime) Theft by deception Property damage Auto theft Three counts of: Invasion of privacy Assault Nine counts of: Larceny (both felony and misdemeanor)

SU Sunday, March 18

One count of: Financial fraud Burglary with forced entry (time unknown) Armed robbery Two counts of: Burglary with no forced entry (time unknown) Three counts of: Larceny (both felony and misdemeanor) Assault Six counts of: Invasion of privacy

Stolen items for the week:

Is Augusta-Richmond County really as crime ridden as you think it is? What kind of crime is actually going on? The Metro Spirit sifts through the incident reports to find out.

DVDs Playstation Cell phones Xbox 360 9mm Glock Aluminum porch chairs 120 cans of Bud Light 160 pounds of Gain detergent Glass table Stereos Wall mirror Queen-sized mattress Safe File cabinets Hanes tank tops Shirts Backpacks Scaffold planks .38 cal revolver Necklaces Bracelets Earrings Rings Surround sound speakers 20 garbage bags with aluminum cans Exterior door with frame Hot water heater AC unit Four interior doors One gallon of white paint Six wood 2 x 2s Five 5 x 5 sheet rock panels Aluminum stepladder Magnesium drill Six boxwood shrubs Four ivy plants XM radio Blue Honda Charcoal grills Computer PS3 Wiis with controllers Bicycles Government SF-86 Washing machine Dryer Kitchen sink White Dodge $160 Purses Enclosed trailer White Chevrolet Airwick fresheners Softee style gel Red GMC pickup truck $300 in coins and bills Surveillance DVR Downy fabric softer Teal Chevrolet Gray Infiniti Car jacks Steel wheel chock Catalytic converters 20 oz. Coke Leaf blowers Power tools .22 cal pistol 100 feet of insulated wire Refrigerator Carpet GPS $1,876 check Checkbooks Tires and chrome rims Silver Chevrolet Commemorative quarters Central heater Well pump Wallets iPod Scrap iron Crock pot Black-and-white pitbull Long-hair Chihuahua Bike lock Steel toe boots Sand blower Breathing machine Unknown amount of prescription meds Sandals Bikini Pink lingerie Body lotion Body spray Eyeliner Pry bars Metal ramp Weed trimmer Chips Candy $400 $85 Drill and drill set Industrial flashlight $200 Birdhouse Reef Router Black Impala Luggage One million Iraqi Dinars (equal to $900) Lionel train set Bread maker Coffee maker Pots and pan Roaster Espresso maker Drapes Gas generator Hair clippers $30

V. 23 | NO. 12

Ruffin’ It

Nerding Out, Because I’ll Always Have Time I’m 28 years old, a little bit beyond the just-out-of-college demographic. I am, however, firmly embedded in the just-out-of-grad-school demographic — though, in the interest of full disclosure, that age range potentially spans 50 years — so I’m feeling the job market crunch as much as some of you are.

At the risk of sounding like a counterintuitive lunatic, being unemployed is almost more difficult than having a job, though in markedly different ways. For one thing, I stress out so easily at this point that I start having heart palpitations when I watch “Cupcake Wars.” I can’t even sit through an episode of “Game of Thrones” anymore without an oxygen mask and vial of adrenaline. And then there are the practical effects: money is stupidly tight right now, which makes little things like moving out and planning a wedding that much more complicated for me and my fiancée. We’re lucky enough to have some caring, loving people on our side, though, so things definitely aren’t as strenuous as they could be. But still — it’s not smooth going. I’ve easily filled out at least 45 applications, made a hundred phone calls and been to a dozen interviews over the last two months, and I’ve yet to get a bite. Maybe I’m unmarketable. Maybe I’ve always had a booger hanging out of my nose, and no one’s told me. Either way, I’m dealing with rejection in much the same way that the Augusta Chronicle writes editorials: by repurposing and re-contextualizing unrelated facts in order to fulfill my own convoluted agenda. To that end, I’ve compiled a short list of the most common misleading, entrapping, confusing things you’ll see on every job application or hear in any interview. For easy reference, I’ve included its film equivalent, and how to deal with each situation. Fortunately, being unemployed goes hand-in-hand with being a movie nerd and a dispenser of horrible advice. “It’s a Trap!” Question Prime Example: “Tell us five things you are not.” See, on the surface this is should be an easy one. Everyone’s answer could conceivably be “A giant squid, Kaiser Soze, gold penis-having, a Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtle and chalk.” But if you just name five things that obviously don’t apply to you, they’re going to dock you points for unoriginality or laziness, even though it took me over eight seconds to come up with that list. I guess, though, you can take comfort in the fact that any job that disqualifies you on the basis of not being Kaiser Soze isn’t worth having in the first place. And there’s a second way this screws you over. You’ve got to sit there hemming and hawing about what five original-sounding things you are absolutely not. By the time you get to “derp,” your interviewer will have mentally checked out. The Film Equivalent: “Screamers” (1995). In this insane, Philip K. Dick-based story, “screamers” are self-replicating mechanical assassins driven by an A.I. over-mind. The most basic type is akin to murderous, adamantium terriers, but other versions can also take the form of children, lizards and even a grown woman (that one of the characters has sex with, unsexily). The point is this: every interviewer you will ever meet has seen this movie and has decided that it is real, that you are a screamer and that they’ll be damned if they’re going to hire a filthy cyborg just so it can decapitate Leslie in Implementation. What You Can Do About It: If your interviewer harbors an empirical distrust of you (and he/she will), then not much. Best case scenario, do what I did: think V. 23 | NO. 12

of five completely general things that describe you, and say the opposites. It probably would’ve worked for me if I hadn’t emitted a high-pitched squeal from my rupturing motherboard. The Nostradamus Question Prime Example: “Where do you see yourself in five/10/20 years?” Every organization’s HR department apparently has a Batman villain-like affinity for multiples of five, because those are the only numbers I’ve ever encountered in that question. It assumes you have the gift of precognition, or at least the ability to strike a balance in your answer between sounding too cocky (“Eating cocaine Easter eggs off of Beyonce’s butt”) and sounding like you have absolutely no ambition (“Mattress salesman”). Potential employers find confidence attractive, but if you’re an a**hole, you absolutely cannot risk telling the truth, because of this… Film Equivalent: Francis Ford Coppola’s career This requires some context. In case you haven’t seen the first two Godfather films or “Apocalypse Now” (in which case, What the hell is wrong with you?), Coppola is kind of a genius. If you had told me 15 years ago that someone could shoot a Dracula film with Keanu Reeves and make that s**t work, I’d have invoked the wrath of the Elder Gods and banished you back to the Nether-Realm. After making Apocalypse, though, Coppola’s head swelled to, well, the size it is now. The result was “One From the Heart,” an ill-conceived Technicolor jazz musical that made back less than 20 percent of its budget. Detroit sperm bank donors see better returns on their investments. Because of that, Coppola had to take directing jobs that he normally wouldn’t have, in order to pay off his debts. “The Outsiders” and “Rumble Fish” are actually decent films, but the real low point was “Jack,” in which Robin Williams plays a 12-year-old trapped in the body of a 45-year-old partially shaved ape (i.e. “himself”). In a modern context, this would be like Rick Santorum being forced to slip a condom onto a banana in Elton John’s hot tub. To wit: after his early success, there was no way that Coppola could have seen his future coming. What You Can Do About It: Be general, and don’t get cute. Phrases like “realizing advancement in the company,” coupled with “furthering the mission statement of blah blah blah” usually go over pretty well. The fact of the matter is that you can’t predict your own future any more than Gary Busey can predict which meatloaf he humps next, so it’s best not to over-think this one. The “Thumb Up Your Ass” Period Prime Example: “We’ll keep your resume on file, and you should hear from us in about two weeks.” No, no and hell no. This will never happen. If an employer tells you this, you’ve got about a brain cell’s chance in Charlie Sheen of actually hearing back from them. Some version of this is the last thing you’ll hear from most of your relationships in college. See also: “We’ll be in touch,” and “No, I totally came.” Film Equivalent: “Bellflower” (2011) “Bellflower,” shot for about $17,000, combines the apocalypse, infidelity and the misguided zeitgeist of early manhood. Two friends in California spend about 90 minutes building their own flamethrower and Mad Max car, all while drinking PBR, not having jobs (and yet money, somehow) and bedding skanks. By the end, one of them has had a full beard tattooed to his face, the other has killed a guy with a baseball bat, and you’ve had a cigarette put out on your soul. And then: mushroom cloud. You spend the entire film waiting, hoping for something positive — or at least imbued with finality — to happen, before at last, perhaps predictably, it doesn’t. What You Can Do About It: Literally put your thumb up your ass. It’s the same way I distracted myself when Billy Crystal hosted the Oscars last month.

JOSHRUFFIN, an ASU and Metro Spirit alum, is a published journalist

and poet, who just received his MFA from Georgia College & State University. He was once the most un-intimidating bouncer at Soul Bar.

METRO SPIRIT 03.22.12 15

100 YEARS AGO

By Victor Fleming and John Dunn / Edited by Will Shortz 34 One-named singer/actress associated with Warhol 35 Continues 36 Frigid 37 Seaport in western France 381955 Walter Lord book about the 63-Across 39 Spaghetti sauce seasoning 40 ___ seas 41 It’s about 20 miles north of Lauderdale 43 Actress Skye 45 Permanent sites? 47 “Benson” actress 48 Work in wildlife preservation? 49 Put back, in a way 51 Second go-rounds 57 Comic actor Nielsen 59 Cry with the shake of a pompom 63 Close behind 64 Spends some time out? 65 Where the 63-Across’s 88-/13Down began 66 Word with bar or fork 67 “60 Minutes” correspondent 69 Mrs. Dithers of “Blondie” 70 Professes DOWN 71 Director Fritz 1 Unwelcome reception 72 Some basic training grads 2 Title girl on “Introducing … The 74 Biblical kingdom where Moses Beatles” 3 2003 James Cameron documentary died 76 Mole’s work about the 63-Across 4 Ferris’s girlfriend in “Ferris Bueller’s 83 A lot 84 Newspaper or magazine offering Day Off” 5 63-Across’s destination on her 88-/13- 86 Early stage of a time capsule project Down 88 With 13-Down, disastrous event 6 “Bad” cholesterol, for short for the 63-Across 7 Not yet planted 89 Distinguished 8 “For example …?” 90 “___ the love?” 9 “Give me your best shot!” 92 “The Far Side” cartoonist 10 Actress Lee of “Funny Face” 93 Champagne holder 11 Novelist Ambler 96 Canadian station 12 1920s-’30s style, informally 97 Like some parks: Abbr. 13 See 88-Down 98 Joyful 14 Kindergarten comeback 99 Queen of myth 15 Big huff? 100 Wood or iron 16 Hall-of-Fame QB Graham 101 Brooding types 17 Stern 102 Frequently injured knee part: 19 For some time Abbr. 21 Atlantic City casino, with “the” 104 Go (over) 27 Short outings 105 Method: Abbr. 28 Banjoist Fleck 108 1887-1996 govt. watchdog 32 Some modern museum designs 82 Detective’s assignment 83 What scattered things are said to be all over 85 “Don’t think so” 86 Maritime danger 87 Radical ’60s org. 88 See 33-Across 91 Some reuniongoers 93 Summer cooler 94 “___ Walked Into My Life” (“Mame” song) 95 Moon feature 96 What the 63-Across crossed to begin her 88-/13-Down 103 Does the hair just so 106 Toast in Toledo 107 College voter 108 Birth announcement 109 Washington, but not Adams 110 Be behind schedule 111 Clinks 112 Bygone 113 Bowflex target 114 École ___ arts 115 “Piers Morgan Tonight” airer 116 Collecting a pension: Abbr.

23 26

42 47

107

109

110

112

113

T W O D

R E I N

S O P H I S T

O H I O

I C I L Y

H I L L T O P

A S S I S T S

104

105

69 76

77 81

85 89

100

94 99

E P I T O M E

106

B A S E H I T

93 97

38 45 51

44 48

31 34

27 29

10 21

PREVIOUSPUZZLEANSWERS

ACROSS 1 “Hansel and Gretel” figure 4 Collection of sketches, for short 7 Kind of port 10 Like most of the Swiss flag 13 Kind of trail 18 Gobbled down 20 Provide for 22 Give out one’s address? 23 Northern bird 24 ___ nerve 25 Quidnunc 26 Saunter with style 27 American millionaire lost with the 63 -Across 29 Two-time All-Star Martinez 30 Like a friendly dog’s tail 31 Kind of trip 32 Medical pioneer Sir William 33 With 88-Across, 1960 musical partly about the 63-Across, with “The” 38 ___ blood-typing 41 Fraternal org. 42 Family 44 Land in Central America 45 [Like that!] 46 Dolt 47 Big name in lawn products 50 Singer Winans 51 Recover, as a sunken ship 52 Old PC screen 53 Takes the crown in 54 Plays, with “in” 55 Cager Baylor 56 Letter earner 58 Generation ___ 60 Collect dust 61 Science fiction author Frederik 62 Start of a children’s rhyme 63 Theme of this puzzle 65 Transmitted, as an S O S 66 Wise off to 67 Landscaper’s buy 68 Monopoly token 69 Like tsunami-affected areas 72 Nobelist poet Neruda 73 Classic black-and-white film featuring gigantic irradiated ants 75 Peeved 77 Some tubes carry them 78 Arrive by plane 79 Prefix with plane 80 Gushes 81 Cartoon canine

101

A M E I L L O C P I N G O S I N M A L I T I L L C R A D S A T E O C A N T L K S A I S T H O H M O O U R E A A M B U S B E E N T H A T T O N E E L S M E T A L I A L I T P A D

102

103 108 111 114

L L C U E O N A G L K L O Y A N R A Z Y E K E S O S I V E W D M I U S E M A I R L L Y M S O A S R H E W I A L O E C A R K I N G E N I R E N

115

A L A S K A F I X A T E D O N O T T O

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P R I M O R D A S S O F W T A S B B S B O U T Y L A N C O O I O S T H O U T A N N I D T S R O P E A N T H A S B O O S O L A E T A L K D U T Y W N I O T H E W O I M O D S U N

G R I S S O M

M O N I Q U E

Y E A S T

O A R S

U R S A

R I P P I N G

I N A S N I T

A G R E E T O

D E N S

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METRO SPIRIT 03.22.12 17

ERICJOHNSON

Hitting the Trail

Plan looks at the Augusta area’s bicycle and pedestrian opportunities For the last year, the Augusta Regional Transportation Study (ARTS) team has been working on an update of the 2003 regional bicycle and pedestrian plan. On Thursday, March 22, the public will have a chance to review a draft of the plan at a meeting from 5-7 p.m. at the Evans Government Center Complex auditorium in Columbia County. The following Wednesday, a similar meeting will be held from 5-7 p.m. at the Aiken Technical College amphitheater in Graniteville. According to Aiken County Director of Planning and Development Stephen Strohminger, the study looks at the interconnectivity of bicycle trails and sidewalks in an area that includes almost half of Aiken, a tiny bit of Edgefield County, all of Richmond County and most of Columbia County. “This study is required by the federal government as part of our transportation planning activities,” Strohminger says. “It’s one of our routine studies, but I will say we generally get the most participation from the public in these studies. The attendance has been great at almost all of the public meetings that we’ve had.” Marya Moultrie, transportation planner for ARTS, worked many of the public meetings and most of the other community outreach efforts, so she knows first hand how passionate people are about coordinating bike and pedestrian efforts. “We’ve really made an effort to get out in the public with all the different festivals,” she says, referring to the ARTS booth, which was staffed at Arts in the Heart and several other outdoor events. “There has been a lot of interest, in part because of our tragic accidents, but also the fact that more and more people are getting out there.” The Augusta area has suffered through several vehicle/bike collisions over the last couple of years, perhaps none as jarring as the death of Dr. Matthew Burke, who died in February 2011 from injuries he sustained the previous October when Daniel Johnson crashed his vehicle into a group of 15 cyclists, hitting five. “Obviously, because they are such tragic accidents, they’re going to put the spotlight on the whole problem,” Moultrie says. “The truth of the matter is, we were doing these anyway, but suddenly it’s out there in the public more.” Getting people to talk about bike paths and sidewalks is easy. Finding the money to fund such things, however, is entirely different.

18 METRO SPIRIT 03.22.12

Strohminger says he gets $3.2 million a year for all road projects, which means bicycle and pedestrian improvements have to compete with traditional road projects, which often jump to the front of the line. Any local money that goes toward resurfacing and repairs almost never goes toward bicycle and pedestrian improvements, he says, though they are a consideration in larger state projects. “When we do any new project, a new road build or widening on the South Carolina portion, we consider a multi-purpose lane as part of the project,” he says, pointing out that when they built the Palmetto Parkway they included a greenway beside it. “I think the challenge is going to be trying to balance out taking items from this bicycle and pedestrian plan and allocating some funding to it — basically,

V. 23 | NO. 12

taking the funding away from the motorized infrastructure and trying to put some non-motorized infrastructure in.” That said, staff doesn’t make funding decisions, which makes following through with the proposed plans so important. Moultrie says the participation she’s seen from interested people and clubs has been encouraging and gives this plan more of an opportunity for success. “There has been a lot of support,” he says. “We’re not just talking to the guys in spandex, we’re also talking to families and hearing what they want.” That kind of communication, not to mention the fact that the folks in spandex have organized, has altered the landscape since the last plan. “Just the fact that there are organizations out there makes a big difference,” she says. “They simply weren’t there before.” Cyclist Randy DuTeau is the events manager for the Augusta Sports Council and the founder of one of those organizations, Wheel Movement, a nonprofit aimed at promoting and supporting the local cycling community. He says that the area’s established bike culture is an advantage when it comes to encouraging the kind of buzz he hopes will keep the interest going. “High-profile events like the Augusta Half-Ironman and the USA Cycling National Championships not only draw attention to the area, they show that we are a big supporter of those types of events,” he says. “They also spur a lot of local interest in sport cycling or cycling in general.” That interest, he says, goes a long way toward making the community more bike friendly, which can actually help the economy. “There certainly is a push countrywide to increase those quality of life standards,” Strohminger says. “When companies are looking at places to locate, they’re not just looking at economic incentive packages. They’re also looking at why their employees would want to live in an area.” Being considered a bike-friendly or pedestrian-friendly community can make a big difference. “In many respects, I think Augusta is ahead of the curve because we do have willing leadership on both sides of the river that understands the importance of cycling and what it can do for the greater community,” DuTeau says. Augusta Mayor Deke Copenhaver, who was a committee member on the last ARTS Plan, is a big proponent of Augusta’s outdoor activities, particularly its trails. “A regional trail system was one of my primary focuses when I first became executive director of the Land Bank Trust in 2001,” he says. “We now have a trailhead for a trail system which would ultimately run from Fort Gordon down Butler Creek to the Phinizy Swamp Nature Park.” The biggest triumph, of course, is North Augusta’s Greeneway, which is considered by many to be the gold standard of bike trails. “The Greeneway is used by people from the entire region on a daily basis, and on the weekend it can be downright crowded,” Strohminger says. “It connects a lot of the neighborhoods in North Augusta, it brings you down to the riverfront and people come from all over to look at it and visit it just as an example of something they might want to put in their area.” Though Strohminger is bullish about the Greeneway, he’s less confident that the plan they’ve worked so hard on will be implemented effectively, especially given the lack of success coming out of the previous plan. “Little came to fruition,” he says. “At that point in time, the county was growing, growing, growing and there was pressure to make better road facilities. The group that makes the funding decisions decided that’s where they wanted to focus the money.” He lists the greenway along the Palmetto Parkway and the greenway along Knox Avenue, then falters. “Off hand, that’s about the only things out of that plan that made it to the ground,” he says. To prevent that kind of squandered opportunity, all agree that continuing the public push is important. “We’ve been trying to get the message out that we’re on the same page with the interested parties, but the public needs to help us get the policymakers to agree to allocate some of their funding so that they’re not frustrated that very few things got done,” Strohminger says. “If you help us so that the policymakers see that it’s important to several groups of folks, they’ll be more inclined to allocate funding to it.” DuTeau has seen his share of plans come and go, and he knows there’s a general skepticism about their effectiveness. “I think people in general have a cynical view of consultants, thinking that the only people getting anything out of the plan are the consultants themselves, and that’s unfortunate,” he says. “But we see stuff evolving, now that there’s an actual organization [Wheel Movement] that has representatives from the different counties. V. 23 | NO. 12

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If we become that face and make sure it’s at the forefront, then maybe people will listen.” Moultrie says she’s anxious to get the draft of the new plan out in front of the

20 METRO SPIRIT 03.22.12

public for one last evaluation. “We’ll try to get as much public comment as we can,” she says. “We’re going to have breakout groups during the meetings and all those final

comments will get pulled into the final plan and hopefully we’ll have everything wrapped up by the end of April or early May.” Anyone unable to attend the meetings

can view the plan and send comments by going to bikewalkarts.com.

V. 23 | NO. 12

METRO SPIRIT 03.22.12 21

ENTERTAIN

ME Is this really the end? Find out Saturday, March 24, at 8 p.m. when Steve Harvey brings his “final” comedy tour to the James Brown Arena. Tickets are $39.50-$49.50. Call 877-4AUGTIX or visit georgialinatix.com.

Arts

Exhibition Celebration: Fore! the Love of Golf Party is Thursday, March 22, at 6 p.m. at the Morris Museum of Art and features appearances by artists included in the exhibition, Azalea cocktails, pimento cheese sandwiches, putting greens and more. $5, members; $10, non-members. Pre-registration required. Call 706-7247501 or visit themorris.org.

from 11 a.m.-3 p.m. at the Arts and Heritage Center and includes a group of artists painting in the center who will answer questions or allow visitors to join in. Call 803-441-4380 or visit artsandheritagecenter.com.

Exhibitions

Georgia’s Coastal Isles: Landscapes, Plants & Architecture, an exhibition by Ann Marie Dalis, shows at Sacred Heart Cultural Center through April 30. Call 706-826-4700 or visit sacredheartaugusta.org.

Painter Timothy J. Clark, whose work is included in the Fore! exhibition, lectures at 2 p.m. on Sunday, March 25, at the Morris Museum of Art. A coffee reception follows. Free. Call 706-724-7501 or visit Lindy Crandell Art Exhibit, featuring themorris.org. works in oil, pastels and colored pencil, shows March 1-30 at the Aiken Art Spring Classes, camps and workshops Guild Gallery at the Aiken Center for at the Aiken Center for the Arts begin in the Arts. Call 803-278-0709 or visit March and end in May. Registration for aikenartistguild.org. these programs for children, teens and adults, is going on now. Call 803-641Leo Twiggs, Mel Holston and Nancy 9094 or visit aikencenterforthearts.org. Wyman Ray Exhibitions show at the Aiken Center for the Arts through Day of Art, hosted by the North March 23. Call 803-641-9094 or visit Augusta Artists Guild, is each Tuesday aikencenterforthearts.org. 22 METRO SPIRIT 03.22.12

African American Trailblazers of Augusta shows through March 31 at the Lucy Craft Laney Museum of Black History. $2-$5. Call 706-724-3576 or visit lucycraftlaneymuseum.com. Fore! Images in Golf Art, featuring 25 paintings, photographs and drawings, shows through April 15 at the Morris Museum of Art. Featured artists include LeRoy Neiman, Will Barnet, Tim Clark and Ray Ellis. Call 706-724-7501 or visit themorris.org.

Music

All Ages Guitar Clinic with Mike Scaccia of Ministry and Rigor Mortis is Thursday, March 22, at 7 p.m. at Rock Bottom Music in Augusta. Free. Call 706-7241172 or visit rockbottommusic.com. The U.S. Army Signal Corps Band and Brass Band, featuring guest jazz trombonist Wycliffe Gordon, perform Thursday, March 22, at 7 p.m. at the Burke County High School auditorium as part of the Waynesboro-Burke Concert

Series. Call 706-437-0070 or email kjones@burkeconcert.org. Il Voce, a classical crossover group from Canada, performs March 22-23 at 8 p.m. at the URS Center for the Performing Arts as part of the Aiken Performing Arts Group’s 2012 season. $40; $20 for students. Call 803-648-1438 or visit apagonline.org. Ed Turner & Number 9: Rock & Soul Revue performs at Le Chat Noir on Friday and Saturday, March 23-24, at 7:30 p.m. $35. Tickets are only available at the CSRA Humane Society. Call 706-261PETS or visit csrahumanesociety.org. I Musici de Montreal performs “Pictures at an Exhibition” as part of USC-Aiken’s Cultural Series on Friday, March 23, at 8 p.m. at the Etherredge Center. $40. Call 803-641-3305 or visit usca.edu. Columbia County Winds performs Saturday, March 24, at 6 p.m. at University Healthcare Building 3 on V. 23 | NO. 12

North Belair Road in Evans. $10. Call 706-755-5849 or visit columbiacco.org. USC-Aiken and ASU Jazz perform as part of Garden City Jazz’s Candlelight Jazz Preview, a series of five concerts in March and April before the regular season begins in May. The concert is Sunday, March 25, at the 8th Street River Stage downtown at 7 p.m. $6. Visit gardencityjazz.com. Conservatory Wind Symphony Concert is Monday, March 26, at 7 p.m. at the Maxwell Theatre. Call 706-731-7971 or visit aug.edu. The Augusta Choral Society is offering a $300 scholarship to high school seniors who have contributed their vocal musical talents to the area. The application, due April 14, is available online, as is further criteria. Call 706-826-4713 or visit augustachoralsociety.org.

“How to Succeed in Business Without Really Trying,” a Westminster spring musical, shows March 22-24 at 7 p.m. at the school. $12, adults; $6, students, alumni or children. Call 706-731-5260 or visit wsa.net.

Speed Dating for Books is Thursday, March 29, at 5 p.m. at the Harlem Branch Library. Call 706-556-9795 or visit ecgrl.org. Poet Jamie Iredell will read at a Guild of Poetic Intent: Savannah River Poets of USCA event on Thursday, March 29, at 7 p.m. at the Aiken Center for the Arts. Free. Call 803-641-3570 or email roys@usca.edu. Poetry Matters is accepting entries through March 23 for their poetry contest. Categories are middle and high school, adults and seniors. Visit poetrymatterscelebration. com.

“Menopause: The Musical” shows Thursday-Friday, March 22-23, at 8 p.m. at the Imperial Theatre. $46. Call 706722-8341 or visit imperialtheatre.com. The Columbia County Amateur Series is looking for acts to perform at the Columbia County Amphitheater. Signup continues through March 31. Call 706-868-3349 or email ccook@ columbiacountyga.gov.

get ready for masters at the fore! the love of golf party thursday, march 22, at the morris museum of art

The Salvation Army School of the Performing Arts holds classes each Tuesday. Included is instruction in piano, drums, guitar, voice and brass. Call 706364-4069 or visit krocaugusta.org.

Nook tutorials at Barnes and Noble in the Augusta Mall are each Saturday beginning at noon, followed by a Nookcolor tutorial at 12:30 p.m. Free. Call 706-737-0012 or visit bn.com.

Literary

Dance

Cookbook Club meets Thursday, March 22, at 4 p.m. at the Harlem Branch Library. Call 706-556-9795 or visit ecgrl.org. The Murder @ Contemporaries Creative Writing Workshop is Saturday, March 24, at 1:30 p.m. at the Headquarters Branch Library. Pre-registration required. Call 706-821-2600 or visit ecgrl.org. Morning Book Club, featuring “The Last Lecture” by Randy Pausch, is Tuesday, March 27, at 10 a.m. at the Maxwell Branch Library. Call 706-793-2020 or visit ecgrl.org.

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“The Roar of Love,” a production of the Columbia County Ballet, shows Saturday, March 24, at 1 p.m. and 5 p.m. at the Bell Auditorium. $25. Call 706-860-1852 or visit columbiacountyballet.com. Dancing Through the Movies, including a variety of dance styles set to music from favorite movies, is Saturday, March 24, at 8 p.m. at Sky City. $5. A portion of the proceeds will benefit the Children’s Miracle Network. Visit skycityaugusta.com. Tango Night is every Thursday, 7-9:30 p.m., at Casa Blanca Cafe, 936 Broad Street. Call 706-504-3431 or visit

casablancatime.com. Belly Dance Class is every Tuesday at 6 p.m. at Euchee Creek Branch Library. Pre-registration required. Call 706-5560594 or visit ecgrl.org. Augusta International Folk Dance Club meets Tuesday nights from 7:30-9:30 p.m. at the Augusta Ballet Studio on 2941 Walton Way. No partners needed. First visit free. Call 706-399-2477.

Theater

“Julius Caesar” by William Shakespeare shows March 22 at 7:30 p.m., March 23-24 at 7:30 p.m. and March 25 at 3 p.m. $10, general public; $7, seniors; $5, children. Call 706-667-4100 or visit aug.edu.

Flix

“Super 8” shows Friday, March 23, at 3 p.m. at the Aiken Library. Call 803-6422020 or visit abbe-lib.org. “Mr. Popper’s Penguins” shows Friday, March 23, at sundown at Johnny Wood Park in Belvedere, S.C., as part of the Starlight Cinema series. Visit aikencountysc.gov. “Hugo” shows Saturday, March 24, at 3 p.m. at the Aiken Library. Call 803-6422020 or visit abbe-lib.org. “The Trip” shows Monday, March 26, at 7 p.m. at ASU’s University Hall room 170. $2. Call 706-729-2416 or visit aug.edu. “Blue Velvet” shows Tuesday, March 27, at 6:30 p.m. at the Headquarters Branch Library. Call 706-821-2600 or visit ecgrl.org.

Special Events

Cultivate the Garden Within, the Augusta Council of Garden Clubs’ 21st Annual Spring Luncheon and Awards Ceremony, is Thursday, March 22, at 9:30 a.m. at the Augusta Country Club. Guest speaker

METRO SPIRIT 03.22.12 23

is Pat Lanza, author of “My Life In and Out of the Garden.” The luncheon, which begins at noon, also features silent auctions and door prizes. $25; $35 after March 16. Email vallenotr@aol.com. Tasting at the Rapids, a culinary event that features sample dishes from local restaurants, sweets from local bakers and an appearance by the Food Network’s DJ Chef Marc Weiss, is Thursday, March 22, from 6-9 p.m. at the Savannah Rapids Pavilion. $5 admission features five sampling tickets. Call 706312-7191 or visit columbiacountyga.gov. Teens in Action with Goals’ (TAG) 10th Annual Step Competition is Saturday, March 24, at the Brigham Community Center gym. $8 in advance; $10 at the door. Call 706-284-8252.

Olmstead Park. Registration begins at 9:30 a.m., with the walk beginning at 10 a.m. Refreshments, games for kids, booths and more will follow. Those who don’t have pets can walk a shelter dog for $5. Visit csrahumanesociety.org. 46th Running of the Aiken Spring Steeplechase is Saturday, March 24, with gates open at 9:30 a.m. and the first race beginning at 1 p.m. $10 in advance; $15 at the gates; children 6 and under, free. Call 888-648-9641 or visit aikensteeplechase.com. Steve Harvey’s Final Comedy Tour comes to the James Brown Arena Saturday, March 24, at 8 p.m. $39.50-$49.50. Call 877-4AUGTIX or visit georgialinatix.com.

Spring Plant Swap and Sales is Saturday, March 24, from 8 a.m.-noon at Evans Towne Center Park. Free admission. Call 706-312-7192 or visit columbiacountyga.gov.

Augusta Market at the River is each Saturday from March 24-October 27at the 8th Street Bulkhead from 8 a.m.-2 p.m. and includes produce, seafood, plants, clothes and accessories and more for sale, as well as entertainment and other events. Visit theaugustamarket.com.

Fourth Annual Paws in the Park, the CSRA Humane Society’s Annual Pet Walk, is Saturday, March 24, at the shelter, which is at the north entrance to Lake

Tours of the Boyhood Home of President Woodrow Wilson are Tuesday-Saturday from 10 a.m.-4 p.m., on the hour, at 415 Seventh Street. $3-$5; free for children

24 METRO SPIRIT 03.22.12

under 5. Groups of 10 or more need a reservation. Call 706-724-0436 or visit historicaugusta.org. Weekly Wine Tastings at Vineyard Wine Market in Evans are each Friday from 4:30-6:30 p.m. and each Saturday from 1-6 p.m. Call 706-922-9463 or visit vine11.com. AARP Tax Help is offered through March on Monday, 10 a.m.-2 p.m., at Euchee Creek Branch Library; Tuesday and Thursday, 10 a.m.-2 p.m., at the Columbia County Library; Wednesday-Friday, 10 a.m.-2 p.m., at the Headquarters Branch Library; Thursday, noon-4 p.m., and Friday-Saturday, 10 a.m.-2 p.m., at Maxwell Library. Visit ecgrl.org.

Health

Bariatric Seminar, led by Drs. Michael Blaney and Darren Glass, is Thursday, March 22, at 6 p.m. at Doctors Hospital. Pre-registration required. Call 706-6514343 or visit doctors-hospital.net. Lamaze Childbirth Education Class is Saturday, March 24, from 8:30 a.m.3:30 p.m. at Trinity Hospital of Augusta. Pre-registration required. Call 706-481-

7727 or visit trinityofaugusta.com. Birth Stories and Cinema Circle is Monday, March 26, at 7 p.m. at Steinle Wellness Center in Evans. Call 706833-5101 or email trustbirthaugusta@ comcast.net. Colon Cancer: New Treatments and Genetic Testing, a seminar led by Dr. Mitchell Berger, is Tuesday, March 27, at 6 p.m. at University Hospital’s cafeteria. Free, but pre-registration required. Visit universityhealth.org. Weight Loss Seminar is Thursday, March 28, at 7 p.m. at GHSU’s Cancer Center. Free, but pre-registration required. Call 706-721-2609 or visit georgiahealth. org/weightloss. Introduction to Infant CPR is Thursday, March 29, at 7 p.m. at University Hospital. Pre-registration required. Call 706-7742825 or visit universityhealth.org. Free Colon Cancer Screening Kits are being offered throughout March by Doctors Hospital, who will mail the athome kits to those interested. Call 706651-4343 or visit doctors-hospital.net.

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13 Weeks | 13 Themes 1 FUN Summer! KROC CENTER CAMPS | 2012 | tHE BEST SUMMER YOUâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;LL EVER HAVE!

General Information:

Bring your bathing suit, towel & tennis shoes! Lunch and a snack will be provided!

1 2 3 4 5 6

Ages 5-12! Members | $125 Nonmembers | $150 Per week!

The Amazing Race | May 21-25

Let's go around the world on a global scavenger hunt. Complete certain challenges every day and get a stamp on your passport.

Challenge Week | May 28-June1

Every day is like a field day! Minute to Win It challenges, obstacle courses and lots of fun!!

Raiders of the Lost Kroc | June 4-8

Go on week long scavenger hunt at the Kroc Center. Every day you will have a new list of items and people to find.

Hawaiian Hullabaloo | June 11-15

This week we will have a Hawaiian luau. Learn how to hula, listen to Hawaiian music and make island crafts.

Water World | June 18-22

What better way to cool off from the summer heat than to get drenched with water sports and fun? Come splash around!

Kroc Star Olympics | June 25-29

Who will be our Kroc Star Gold Medalist? Compete in different Olympic competitions this week and even make up your own.

Meet new friends!

Explore the Kroc Center!

Race your way to the top at the Kroc Star Olympics!

Too Fit to Quit | July 2-6

Lets have fun getting fit this week! Every day a new activity that can keep you in shape, while having fun completing it!

Christmas in July | July 9-13

Christmas is such an exciting holiday, why not celebrate it again? Come for a week of Christmas crafts, snacks and fun.

Emergency Services | July 16-20

Come meet and learn about the men and women that dedicate themselves to keeping you and your family safe.

Game Show Mania | July 23-27

Have fun with your friends competing in game show challenges! Each day will feature a different game show.

Tons of Talent |July 30-August 3

Do you have a talent you would like to show off? This week we will show our different talents and appreciate other people’s talent too.

Everything 80’s |August 6-10

The 80’s are back and they are at the Kroc Center! Join us for games, activities and a dance party that goes straight back to the 80’s.

Around the World | August 13-17

Explore all around the world on your very own global tour. Complete challenges every day and get a stamp on your passport.

Raiders of the Lost Kroc!

7 8 9 10 11 12 13

ĂŠ f a C c o r K

Drinks

Soft Drink, Iced Tea, Juice Small Coffee Large Coffee

Breakfast Menu

Cold Items

Muffins Bagel Yogurt Fresh Fruit Fruit Cup Breakfast Bar

$1.25 $1.10 $1.25

$1.00 $1.25 $1.25 $0.75 $2.95 $1.00

Grilled Items

2 Eggs (Add Cheese for $.25) 2 Slices of Bacon 2 Sausage Patties Toast with Butter & Jelly Hash Browns Grits Oatmeal Sausage Biscuit Biscuit with Sausage Gravy

Combo Meals

2 Eggs, Hash Browns, Sausage & Toast Ham & Cheese Omelet, Sausage & Toast Sausage, Egg & Cheese Biscuit w/ Hash Browns Pancakes or French Toast w/ Sausage or Bacon

$1.25 $1.25 $1.75 $1.10 $1.00 $1.00 $1.50 $1.55 $1.55 $4.50 $5.15 $4.00 $5.15

Grill Items Available for lunch and dinner Includes 1 Side Item and Drink Reuben Sandwich

Toasted Rye Bread, Corned Beef, Sauerkraut, 1000 Island and Swiss Cheese

Grilled Chicken Sandwich

Served on a Grilled Bun with Lettuce, Tomato and Onion

Fried Chicken Sandwich

Served on a Grilled Bun with Lettuce, Tomato and Onion

Hamburger

Served on a Grilled Bun with Lettuce, Tomato and Onion

Veggie Burger

Served on a Grilled Bun with Lettuce, Tomato and Onion

Weekly Lunch Entrees Monday

Pork Roast or Fried Chicken

Tuesday

Chicken Teriyaki or Baked Ham

Wednesday

Italian Meatloaf or Baked Ziti

Thursday

Chicken Fajita or Steak Fajita

Friday

Shrimp and Grits or Catch of the Day

Healthy Choice Burger

Cafe Line Pricing 1 Entree & 1 Hot Side (Beverage Included) 1 Entree & 2 Hot Sides (Beverage Included) Soup & Side Salad (Beverage Included) Veggie Plate (Choose 3 & Beverage Included) A la Carte Side Salad Hot Side Item Salad Bar Dessert

Served with Cottage Cheese and Fruit Salad

$6.00 $7.00 $5.00 $4.50 $5.00 $3.00 $1.50 $5.00 $1.50

Patty Melt

Toasted Rye Bread, Burger Cheese and Sauteed Onions

BLT

Toast Rye Bread with Applewood Smoked Bacon, Lettuce and Tomatoes Sides: French Fries, Sweet Potato Fries, Onion Rings

$6.00

$6.00 $6.00 $6.00 $6.00 $6.00 $6.00 $6.00

Child Safety Seat Inspections and Car Seat Class, sponsored by Safe Kids East Central, are offered by appointment at either the Safe Kids Office or MartinezColumbia Fire Rescue. Call 706-7217606 or visit georgiahealth.org/safekids. Joint Efforts, presented by Trinity Hospital of Augusta, meets every Thursday from 11-11:45 a.m. at Augusta Bone and Joint, and features a free seminar about knee and hip pain, treatments, medication, food and exercise. Call 706481-7604 or visit trinityofaugusta.com. Infant CPR Anytime Learning Program will be held Thursdays at 6:30 p.m. at the first floor information desk (west entrance) of Georgia Health Sciences University. Visit georgiahealth.edu. Multiple Sclerosis and Parkinson Disease Aquatics Class meets every Monday and Friday at noon at the Wilson Family Y. Free for members; $3 for non-members. Pre-registration required. Call Claudia Collins at 706-922-9664 or visit thefamilyy.org. Heart Attack and Stroke Prevention Orientation is every Monday at 6 p.m. and Tuesday at 2 p.m. at University Hospital’s Heart & Vascular Institute (Classroom 3). Call 706-774-5548 or visit universityhealth.org. Adapted Wii Special Populations available by appointment at the Wilson Family Y, and feature individual ½-hour classes for physically and developmentally challenged individuals of all ages. $10, members; $20, non-members. Call Claudia Collins at 706-922-9662 or visit thefamilyy.org.

Support

AWAKE Sleep Apnea Support Group meets Thursday, March 22, at 7 p.m. at GHSU’s Children’s Medical Center. Pre-registration required. Call 706-7210793 or visit georgiahealth.org. Multiple Sclerosis Support Group meets Monday, March 26, at 6 p.m. at GHSU Medical Center’s Augusta MS Center. Call 706-721-8664 or visit georgiahealth.org. Cancer Share, a support group for those who have been diagnosed with any type of cancer, meets Monday, March 26, at 6 p.m. at University’s Breast Health Center. Call 706-774-8308 or visit universityhealth.org.

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Parkinson’s Disease Support Group meets Tuesday, March 27, at 6 p.m. at St. Johns Towers. Call 706-863-6355 or visit universityhealth.org. Narcotics Anonymous, sponsored by Trinity Hospital of Augusta, meets Fridays and Sundays at 7:30 p.m. Call 706-8552419 or visit trinityofaugusta.com. AA Meets every Sunday and Wednesday at 7:15 p.m. at Aiken Regional Medical Center (Aurora Pavilion), and features an open discussion. Call 800-322-8322 or visit aikenregional.com. Burn Support Group meets every Tuesday at 10:30 a.m. at Doctors Hospital (Lori Rogers Nursing Library, JMS Building). All burn survivors, and their families and friends are welcome. Call Tim Dorn at 706-651-6660 or visit doctors-hospital.net. Moms Connection, a free support group for new mothers and their babies, meets Tuesdays from 1-2 p.m. at Georgia Health Sciences Building 1010C. Call 706-7219351 or visit georgiahealth.org.

Education

Sic Semper Tyrannis, a lecture on Julius Caesar’s assassination and how it compares to more modern events in American history such as Lincoln’s assassination and the Oklahoma City bombing, is Thursday, March 22, and Sunday, March 25, at 2 p.m. at ASU’s Maxwell Performing Arts Theatre before the 3 p.m. showings of William Shakespeare’s “Julius Caesar.” Free. Call 706-737-1500 or visit aug.edu.

Intro to Internet Class is Thursday, March 22, at 6 p.m. at the Wallace Branch Library. Call 706-722-6275 or visit ecgrl.org. A Bible Teaching Seminar, the topic of which is Galations 3: 1-14, is Saturday, March 24, at noon at the Friedman Branch Library. Call 706-736-6758 or visit ecgrl.org. Write Your Resume, part of the Let’s Get a Job series, is Tuesday, March 27, at 10 a.m. at the Headquarters Branch Library. Call 706-821-2600 or visit ecgrl.org. Using Email Computer Class is Tuesday, March 27, at 11 a.m. at the Appleby Branch Library. Pre-registration required. Call 706-736-6244 or visit ecgrl.org. Beginner’s Computer Class is Wednesday, March 28, at the Headquarters Branch Library. PINES card required. Call 706821-2600 or visit ecgrl.org. Intro to Excel Class is Thursday, March 29, at 6 p.m. at the Wallace Branch Library. Call 706-722-6275 or visit ecgrl.org. Applications are now begin accepted for Leadership Columbia County’s

Class of 2013. Deadline for applications is Thursday, April 19, at 5 p.m. Call 706-651-0018 or visit columbiacountychamber.com. Work Networking Group is held each Monday from 8:30-10 a.m. at Grace United Methodist Church in North Augusta. A networking and informational meeting for anyone looking for a job, the group meets in room 206 of the Asbury Building and is facilitated by career and business professionals. Call 803-279-7525 or email doctor@pritchardgroup.com. GED classes are offered every Monday and Thursday at 6 p.m. and every Monday-Thursday at 9:30 a.m. at the Headquarters Branch Library (Third Floor Writing Lab). PINES library card required. Call 706-821-2600 or visit ecgrl.org. Computer classes are offered every Thursday at 6 p.m. at the Wallace Branch Library. Call 706-722-6275 or visit ecgrl.org. ESL classes are offered every Wednesday at 6 p.m. at Headquarters Branch Library (Third Floor Writing Lab). Pre-registration required. Call Charles Garrick at 803-2793363 or visit ecgrl.org.

Estate and Tax Planning education sessions, offered by USC-Aiken and led by Aiken attorneys Bill Tucker and Buzz Rich, are Thursday, March 22, and Tuesday, March 27, at 4:30 p.m. in the conference room of the Pickens-Salley House. Pre-registration required by March 19. Call 803-643-6865 or email eents@usca.edu. ARTS Regional Bicycle and Pedestrian Plan public meetings will be held Thursday, March 22, from 5-7 p.m. at the Evans Government Center auditorium and on Wednesday, March 28, from 5-7 p.m. at Aiken Tech’s amphitheater in building 700. The plan seeks to improve biking and walking conditions in Augusta and Aiken. Open to the public. Visit bikewalkarts.com.

METRO SPIRIT 03.22.12 25

Intermediate Spanish Language Class is each Monday from 2:30-4 p.m. at Friedman Library. Pre-registration required. Call 706-736-6758 or visit ecgrl.org.

through March 25. Customers who bring in a used handbag or watch will receive a discount on a new one and the used items will be donated to SafeHomes of

Beginner’s Spanish Language Class is each Monday from 4-5 p.m. at Friedman Library. Preregistration required. Call 706736-6758 or visit ecgrl.org.

Karma Yoga is offered at Just Breathe Studio, downtown Aiken, each Friday at 10 a.m. and is free if participants bring a donation of a personal item, which will be given to the Cumbee Center to Assist Abused Persons. Call 803-648-8048 or visit justbreathestudio.com.

Sports-Outdoors

Augusta RiverHawks vs. Knoxville Ice Bears is Friday, March 23, at 7:35 p.m. at the James Brown Arena. $10$18. Call 877-4AUGTIX or visit georgialinatix.com.

Benefits

23rd Annual Cookin’ for Kids Kick-Off Party and Oyster Roast is Friday, March 23, from 7-11 p.m. at Daniel Field. The event, to benefit Child Enrichment Inc., also includes other food, beer and wine, a live auction and live music by The Toasters. $35. Call 706-737-4631 or visit cookinforkids.com. 10th Annual Kelsi Long Memorial Ride to raise money and awareness for children with special needs and Down Syndrome, is Saturday, March 24, with registration at 8 a.m. and kickstands up at 10 a.m. at Augusta Harley-Davidson. The ride, which is $25 per motorcycle and $5 per passenger, ends at GHSU’s Children’s Medical Center. Visit kelfoundation.org.

Walk MS for multiple sclerosis is Saturday, March 24, at Lake Olmstead, with registration at 9 a.m. and the walk at 10 a.m. Visit nationalmssociety.org/ goto/mssisters. Brain Injury Awareness Walk, sponsored by Walton Rehab and NeuroRestorative Georgia, is Saturday, March 24, from 9:30-11:30 a.m. at the

ride to raise money for kids with special needs during the 10th annual kelsi long memorial ride saturday, march 24

23rd Annual Cookin’ for Kids wild game, fish and barbecue cook-off that includes samples, a kids area and more, is Saturday, March 24, from 10 a.m.-6 p.m. at Daniel Field. To benefit Child Enrichment Inc., it is $5 for those 13 and over, $3 for those ages 3-12 and free for those 2 and under. Call 706-737-4631 or visit cookinforkids.com. Dillards is offering a handbag and watch trade-in event during store hours

26 METRO SPIRIT 03.22.12

Augusta. Call 706-736-2499 or visit safehomes.org. Book Drive of new and slightly used books for K5-5th grade reading levels, which will be donated to local public school libraries, will be held through March 31 at Gerald Jones Mazda Mitsubishi. Visit geraldjonesmazda.com.

Columbia County Amphitheater in Evans. Proceeds will benefit the Augusta Brain Injury Support Group. $10, survivors; $15, supporters. Call 706-829-0370.

Castles on the Canal, an Augusta Canal Discovery Walk about the industrial and municipal architecture of its mills and bridges led by John Loebl, is Saturday, March 24, at 10 a.m. and Sunday, March 25, at 3 p.m. Free for Canal Keeper members; $2 for non-members. Call 706-823-0440, ext. 2, or visit augustacanal.com. Wheelchair Tennis is each Monday at 6 p.m., weather permitting, at the Club at Rae’s

Creek. Free and open to the public. Call 706826-5809 or visit alsalley@wrh.org. Augusta Canal Boat Tours lasting one hour are offered Monday-Saturday at 10 a.m., 11:30 a.m., 1:30 p.m. and 3 p.m., and Sunday at 1:30, 3 and 4:30 p.m. All tours include admission to the Augusta Canal Interpretive Center. Call 706-8230440 or visit augustacanal.com. The Augusta Fencers Club is open five nights a week from 5:30-9 p.m. and most Saturday mornings from 10 a.m.-noon. Visitors always welcome. Call 706-722-8878. Thursday Night Chain Reaction Ride begins at 6 p.m. each Thursday at Patriots Park in Grovetown. For intermediate to fast-paced cyclists, who average 25-32 miles. Participants should bring their own water and helmet. Call 706-855-2024 or visit chainreactionbicycles.net. Riverview Disc Golf League meets each Thursday at 6 p.m. at Riverview Park in North Augusta. $5 entry fee and $1 ace pool. Call 803-215-8181 or visit augustadiscgolf.com. Road Bike Ride meets each Thursday at 6:30 p.m. at Andy Jordan’s Bicycle Warehouse downtown for an approximately 25-mile ride at a moderate to fast pace. Front and rear lights, as well as a helmet, are required. Call 706724-6777 or visit andyjordans.com. Guided Trail Rides at Hilltop Riding Stables at Fort Gordon are available Saturdays at 9 a.m., 10:30 a.m., noon, 1:30 p.m. and 3 p.m.; Sundays at 9 a.m., 10:30 a.m. and noon; and WednesdayFriday at 11 a.m. with reservations 24 hours in advance. All trail rides are on a first-come, first-served basis, and participants should arrive 30 minutes

V. 23 | NO. 12

prior to the trail ride starting for sign in procedures. $23-$30. Call 706-7914864 or visit fortgordon.com. Zumba with Sohailla is every Saturday from 10-11 a.m. at the Ballroom Dance Center in Evans. Call 706-421-6168 or visit zumbawithsohailla.blogspot.com. Civil War 150th Anniversary Petersburg Boat Tours are Saturdays at 10 a.m. and Sundays at 1:30 and 4:30 p.m. This one-hour tour explores the role the canal played during the war. $12.50. Visit augustacanal.com. Saturday Historic Trolley Tours are Saturdays from 1-4:15 p.m. at the Augusta Museum of History. Reservations required 24 hours in advance. $12. Call 706-724-4067 or visit augustamuseum.org. Lakeside Rideouts at Hilltop Riding Stables at Fort Gordon are each Sunday beginning at 1:30 p.m. on a first-come, first-served basis. The ride, which begins at 2 p.m., is a two-hour guided ride to Wilkerson Lake. $45-$50. Call 706-7914864 or visit fortgordon.com. Yoga Class at Euchee Creek Branch Library meets every Tuesday at 4 p.m. Call 706-556-0594 or visit ecgrl.org. Nacho Mama’s Group Run is each Wednesday at 5:30 p.m. and features food and drinks afterwards. Three- and fourmile routes are available for all ages and abilities of runners. Call 706-414-4059 or email jim@enduranceconcepts.com. Hott Shott Disc Golf is each Wednesday at 7 p.m. at Killer B Disc Golf, 863 Broad Street, and features games and prizes for all ages and skill levels. $2. Call 706-814-7514 or visit killerbdiscgolf. blogspot.com/p/hott-shott.

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Kids

Downloadable Books for Kids, a children’s program for those ages 8-11 who own a tablet, is Thursday, March 22, at 5 p.m. at the Columbia County Library. Call 706-8631946 or visit ecgrl.org.

from the Savannah River Ecology Lab, is Saturday, March 24, at 10 a.m. at Reed Creek Park. Free, but pre-registration required. Call 706-210-4027 or visit

On Being a Girl, a class for those ages 9-12 along with their mother, female relative or friend that discusses the physical and emotional changes of puberty, is Tuesday, March 27, at 6 p.m. at Trinity Hospital of Augusta. $10, with pre-registration required. Call 706-481-7604 or visit trinityofaugusta.com.

Toshokan Martial Arts Workout and Seminar, for ages 8 and up, is Friday, March 23, at 4:30 p.m. at North Augusta’s Nancy Carson Library. Call 803-2795767 or visit abbe-lib.org. All About Frogs, an indooroutdoor program for those ages 5 and up, is Friday, March 23, at 8 p.m. at Reed Creek Park. Children must be accompanied by an adult. Free, but pre-registration required. Call 706-210-4027 or visit reedcreekpark.com. Spring Jingle Youth Fun Run is Saturday, March 24, at Blanchard Woods Park and begins at 9 a.m. with a 1K run for those ages 4-6, followed by a 3K run at 10 a.m. for those ages 7-11. $10 entry includes T-shirt, and event registration begins at 8 a.m. Call 706-863-7523 or visit columbiacountyga.gov.

Aiken’s DuPont Planetarium. $1-$4.50. Reservations recommended. Call 803641-3654 or visit http://rpsec.usca.edu/ planetarium.

“Tales of Peter Rabbit,” presented by The Patchwork Players, shows at 9:30 a.m. and 10:30 a.m. on Wednesday, March 28, at the Maxwell Theatre. $3. Call 706737-1625 or visit aug.edu.

sing along with “blue velvet” tuesday, march 27, at the headquarters branch library

Summer Camp Expo is Saturday, March 24, from 10 a.m.-3 p.m. at Augusta Preparatory Day School and includes representatives from many area organizations offering camps, as well as food, entertainment, door prizes and more. Call 706-863-1906 or visit augustaprep.org. Snakes, Frogs, Turtles, Oh My!, a program for all ages led by an educator

reedcreekpark.com. Hunger Games Grand Finale is Saturday, March 24, at 2 p.m. at the Headquarters Branch Library. Call 706-821-2600 or visit ecgrl.org. Mission to Mars shows Saturday, March 24, at 7 and 8 p.m. at USC-

Spring Fling at Graystone Ranch Wildlife Education Center in Hephzibah continues through April 30 and is open Saturdays from 10 a.m.-one hour after dark and Sundays from noonone hour after dark. It is also open weekdays by appointment. Visits include hiking trails, lakes, exotic animal tours, a petting zoo, hayrides, boat rides and more. Easter egg hunts and photos with the Easter bunny are available through Easter. $10, with children receiving half off with one paying adult. Visit graystoneranch.com. Applications are now being accepting for Columbia County’s Youth Leadership Class of 2013. Applicants must be a rising sophomore or junior in the 2012-2013 school year, and applications are due Thursday, March 29, at 5 p.m. Call 706-651-0018 or visit

METRO SPIRIT 03.22.12 27

columbiacountychamber.com. Art Comes to Life, a spring break camp at the Aiken Center for the Arts, is April 2-6 for campers ages 5-8. Full-day, $215, and half-day, $130, options available, with a 10 percent discount to center members. Pre-registration required. Call 803-641-9094 or visit aikencenterforthearts.org. Exercise Your Body and Mind Masters Week Camp, sponsored by MACH Academy, is Monday, April 2-Friday, April 6 from 9 a.m.-5 p.m. at the Fleming Tennis Center, and includes instruction in science, math, creative writing, computer literacy, nutrition and healthy eating, tennis and fitness, and more. $100 per child, and includes lunch and supplies. Partial scholarships available for qualifying participants. Pre-registration required. Call 706-796-5046 or visit machacademy.com. Preschool Story Time is every Tuesday at Headquarters Branch Library at 10 a.m. Toddler Story Time is every Wednesday at 10 a.m. Group registration required. Call 706-821-2600 or visit ecgrl.org. Story Time is every Tuesday at 10 a.m. at Diamond Lakes Branch Library. Groups of six or more must pre-register. Call 706-772-2432 or visit ecgrl.org. Story Time is every Tuesday at 10 a.m. at Friedman Branch Library. Groups of six or more must pre-register. Call 706736-6758 or visit ecgrl.org. Story Time is every Wednesday at 10 a.m. at Maxwell Branch Library. Preregistration required. Call 706-7932020 or visit ecgrl.org.

DECLASSIFIED

Story Time is every Wednesday from 10-11:15 a.m. at Wallace Branch Library.

(actual size) 1.5” x 1.9” Tall $40 per week

28 METRO SPIRIT 03.22.12

Pre-registration required. Call 706-7226275 or visit ecgrl.org. Story Time is every Tuesday at 10:30 a.m. at Harlem Branch Library. Call 706556-9795 or visit ecgrl.org. Ceramics Class, for ages 14 and up, meets Mondays at 9 a.m. or 6 p.m., Tuesdays at 6 p.m., and Wednesdays at 9 a.m. in the Weeks Ceramics Center. Call 803-642-7631 or visit cityofaikensc.gov. Toddler Time, free play for children ages 5 and under, is each Monday and Wednesday from 9:30-11:30 a.m. at the H.O. Weeks Center in Aiken. Call 803642-7631 or visit cityofaikensc.gov. Wacky Wednesday Story Time is each Wednesday at 10 a.m. in the children’s department of Barnes and Noble in the Augusta Mall. Call 706-737-0012 or visit bn.com. Story Time is every Wednesday at Appleby Branch Library from 10:0510:20 a.m. for toddlers 18 months-35 months, and from 10:30-11:15 a.m. for preschoolers ages 3 and up. Parent must stay with child. Call 706-736-6244 or visit ecgrl.org. Story Time is every Wednesday from 10:15-10:45 a.m. for Pre-K, and 11:3011:55 a.m. for toddlers at Aiken County Public Library. Call 803-642-2023 or visit abbe-lib.org. Story Time is every Wednesday from 10:30-11 a.m. for toddlers and 11:1511:45 a.m. for preschoolers at North Augusta Branch Library. Call 803-2795767 or abbe-lib.org.

Seniors

from 9 a.m.-noon, Mahjong each Thursday from 1-4 p.m., Bridge each Friday from 11:30 a.m.-3 p.m., Bingo each Tuesday at 9 a.m., Pinochle each Tuesday from 10:30 a.m.-2:30 p.m., and Canasta on Tuesdays and Fridays from 11:30 a.m.-3:30 p.m. Call 803-6427631 or visit cityofaikensc.gov. Silversneakers I is offered Mondays and Wednesdays at 9 a.m. and Tuesdays, Thursdays and Fridays at 11:15 a.m., while Silversneakers Yogastretch is offered Mondays and Wednesdays at 11:15 a.m. at the Weeks Center in Aiken. Call 803-6427631 or visit cityofaikensc.gov. Ceramics Class is offered at 9 a.m. on Mondays or Wednesdays and 6 p.m. on Mondays or Tuesdays at the Weeks Center. Call 803-642-7631 or visit cityofaikensc.gov. Fit 4 Ever is offered at the Weeks Center in Aiken on Mondays, Wednesdays, Thursdays and Fridays from 10-11 a.m. Call 803-6427631 or visit cityofaikensc.gov. Line Dancing is each Tuesday at the Weeks Center in Aiken at 10 a.m. Call 803-642-7631 or visit cityofaikensc.gov. Yoga I and II are offered at the Weeks Center in Aiken on Tuesdays, Thursdays and Fridays from 8:45-9:45 a.m. and on Mondays and Wednesdays from 5:306:30 p.m. Call 803-642-7631 or visit cityofaikensc.gov.

Volunteers

Augusta Public Library is looking for volunteers. Friends of the library receive a 10 percent discount at The Book Tavern, complimentary dessert at French Market Grille, one free Petersburg Boat Ride, free coffee and discounts at Sundrees Market, and bogo admission at the Woodrow Wilson House. Call 706821-2600 or visit ecgrl.org. Hospice Care of America’s Augusta office needs administrative and patient care volunteers. No experience necessary; training will be provided. Call Rich Boland at 706-447-2626 or email rboland@ msa-corp.com.

Elsewhere

Thursday Nights at the High, a special event at the High Museum of Art in Atlanta, offers half price tickets from 4-8 p.m. each Thursday. A guided tour is offered at 6:30 p.m. Call 404-733-4200 or visit high.org.

If you would like to see your organization’s events listed in our calendar, please email Amy Christian at amy@themetrospirit.com. The deadline for each Thursday’s issue is the previous Friday at noon.

Crafters Night is each Monday from 6-8 p.m. at the Kroc Center. Call 706-3645762 or visit krocaugusta.org.

Games for Seniors at the Weeks Center in Aiken include Rummikub each Thursday

All Yard Work 35 Years Experience

Hobbies

Simple Cooking Class meets each Monday from 6:30-8:30 p.m. at the Kroc Center. Call 706-364-5762 or visit krocaugusta.org.

Mow, Trim, Fertilize, Tree Work, Hauling, etc. Great References and Prices.

Call for a free quote today!

Andrew Jones 706.833.3060

Hairstylist Needed

KRIS FISHER DJ & Event Host

Unitarian Universalist Church 3501 Walton Way Extension (Next door to Fire Station)

Over 10 years of DJing & radio experience! References available.

Weddings • Birthdays • Parties • Anniversaries • Etc.

Any Genre of Music! 706.399.4209 | kfish@rocketmail.com

DJKFISH.COM

Established Evans Salon

ANNUAL CHURCH RUMMAGE SALE

Saturday, March 31 8 am - 12 Noon (Items priced to sell)

Due to growth we need two part-time to full-time LMTs and receptionist for Saturdays. Email to be considered:

Must have established clientele

706.855.2855 or 706.284.8490

SERENITY@KNOLOGY.NET

All declassified ads are Cash in Advance (credit card payment required) and are $40 per week. Visit metrospirit.com to place your ad in minutes. V. 23 | NO. 12

GOLD’S GYM

Bring It On! Competitors beginning to show their stuff Now that the competition has started in Phase 4 of the Fit to Be Gold Challenge, the battle lines have been drawn and we’re starting to see what some of these competitors are made of. At stake — $1,500 in prizes and the honor of being the Phase 4 champion. Promotions Assistant Sean Kinzler estimates he’s already lost about five pounds since the initial week. For him, the hardest thing about it has been the diet portion. “I’m a big foodie,” he says. “It’s not the amount of food I like to eat, it’s the flavor. Once I taste that first bite, I just want to keep downing it.” Which isn’t to say the workout portion isn’t hard. He started out really sore, but working out two hours a day has brought him a bit of endurance. “After that week, your body is starting to get conditioned to waking up and going to the gym,” he says. “So it’s really not that bad.” The hunger pains, on the other hand, are another story. “I could eat a plate of pasta every night if I wanted to,” he says. He sounds like a man who’s got it all under control until you hear him admit he’s about to go on a five-day cruise. Then, you start to wonder. It goes without saying that a cruise is not exactly the place to be if you’re a foodie looking to lose weight. He’ll be back for the weigh in, but you’ve got to wonder how committed he’s going to be once he leaves port and is surrounded by all that food. Kinzler, however, doesn’t sound concerned. “I’m still going to work out while I’m on my cruise,” he explains. “I’m going to block out an hour every day just so I can do some cardio while I’m gone. An hour a day. On a cruise ship. Stay tuned. Tom Davis answered the phone while on the treadmill, out of breath but willing to talk. So far, the real estate appraiser says he’s not surprised by anything he’s encountered. “I knew I was going to get my butt worked over,” is how he puts it. Unlike Kinzler, Davis isn’t bothered by the food as much as he is the workouts. He books time with the trainers three times a week, and he says they put him through the ringer, though of course he’s free to come and go when he wants to in order to get an extra workout. Anything in particular kicking his butt? “The trainers do that,” he says. As for the community atmosphere everyone was talking about in the beginning, that seems to have gone out the window with the first workout. “I want to tell you something,” he says, laughing. “These other people in this thing — they’re not my friends. I’m in this for me and nobody else.” As for the motivation, he says he doesn’t need community spirit. He knows what he’s got to do, and he’s got his girlfriend’s nagging to keep him going. So how much weight has he lost? “I’m not going to tell you if I did know,” he says. Game on!

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Thursday, March 22 Live Music

French Market Grille West - Doc Easton Joe’s Underground - Liz Bramlect & Steven Bryant O Lounge - Jazmine Soul Band Red Pepper Cafe - Funk/Fusion Jazz Rose Hill Stables - Preston, Weston and Sandra Sky City - 6, Cameras Guns & Radios Travinia’s - Smooth Jazz The Willcox - Classic Jazz Wild Wing - Matt Acosta

What’s Tonight?

Casa Blanca - Thursday Tango Club Argos - Karaoke Cocktails Lounge - Karaoke Coyote’s - Karaoke Fishbowl Lounge - Karaoke Fox’s Lair - Soup, Suds & Conversations Helga’s Pub & Grille - Trivia The Highlander - Butt Naked Trivia The Library - DJ Kris Fisher The Loft - Karaoke The Playground - Open Mike Malibu Jack’s - Sports Trivia with Mike Thomas Mi Rancho (Downtown) - Karaoke Mi Rancho (Evans) - Karaoke The Playground - Open Mic with Brandy Shannon’s - Karaoke Somewhere in Augusta - Keno, Poker Soul Bar - Boom Box Villa Europa - Karaoke Wooden Barrel - ’80s Night Karaoke

Party First Round - DJ Kris Fisher Fishbowl Lounge - Karaoke Iron Horse Bar & Grill - Karaoke Mi Rancho (Downtown) - Karaoke with Ryan Moseley Mi Rancho (Washington Road) - Karaoke with Jeff Barnes Mi Rancho (Clearwater) - Three J’s Karaoke Ms. Carolyn’s - Karaoke Palmetto Tavern - DJ Tim Rebeck’s Hideaway - Open Mic Roadrunner Cafe - Karaoke with Steve Chappel Soul Bar - Pop Life Tropicabana - Latin Friday

Fox’s Lair - Karaoke Helga’s Pub & Grille - Trivia James Brown Arena - Steve Harvey Laura’s Backyard Tavern - Karaoke w/ David Doane The Loft - Karaoke Mi Rancho (Downtown) - Karaoke with Rockin Rob Mi Rancho (Clearwater) - Karaoke with Danny Haywood Mi Rancho (Washington Road) - Karaoke Ms. Carolyn’s - Karaoke One Hundred Laurens - DJ Kenny Ray Robbie’s - Saturday Night Dance Party Sky City - Bellydance Exhibition “Dancing Through the Movies” Tropicabana - Salsa Saturday

What’s Tonight?

Club Argos - Variety Show Cocktails Lounge - Grown-Up Fridays with DJ Cork and Bull Pub - Karaoke Eagle’s Nest - Free Salsa Lessons; Latin Dance

’S

ELGA

P UB & GRILLE

700

in PRIZES!

TRIVIA

THURS. & SAT. 8:30PM "Over a hundred different beers.. with thirty beers on tap!"

2015 CENTRAL AVE. V. 23 | NO. 12

Tuesday, March 27 Live Music

Cocktails Lounge - Live Music Fox’s Lair - John Fisher The Highlander - Open Mic Night Wild Wing - Sabo & Mike The Willcox - Piano Jazz

What’s Tonight?

Club Argos - Karaoke Fishbowl Lounge - Dart League Laura’s Backyard Tavern - Karaoke w/ David Doane Malibu Jack’s - Karaoke with Denny Somewhere In Augusta - Big Prize Trivia & Hawk Talk

Wednesday, March 28 Live Music

Joe’s Underground - Kathleen Turner Overdrive Malibu Jack’s - Marilyn Adcock Manuel’s Bread Cafe - Morris Davidson Wild Wing - Matt Acosta

What’s Tonight?

Club Argos - Santoni’s Satin Dolls Cocktails Lounge - Augusta’s Got Talent Cotton Patch - Trivia and Tunes Coyote’s - Drink N Drown w/ Snow Bunny Bikini Contest Hotel Aiken - Karaoke w/ Tom Mitchell Laura’s Backyard Tavern - Karaoke w/ David Doane The Loft - Karaoke Mi Rancho (Downtown) - Karaoke Mi Rancho (Washington Road) - Karaoke with Rockin’ Rob The Playground - Krazy Karaoke with Big Troy Polo Tavern - Karaoke w/ Tom Mitchell Somewhere In Augusta - Jerry Farber and Bill Arrundale Surrey Tavern - Trivia

Friday, March 23 Live Music

Cotton Patch - Old Man Crazy Country Club - Michael Stacey Coyote’s - Jason Sturgeon Fox’s Lair - Jarod Gay French Market Grille West - Doc Easton Joe’s Underground - Mama Says Laura’s Backyard Tavern - Jason White Malibu Jack’s - Tony Williams Blues Express PI Bar & Grill - Jazz Duo Somewhere in Augusta - Jim Perkins Stillwater Taproom - Vertigo Jazz Project, Funk You Surrey Tavern - Funk You Wild Wing - Toyzz

Applebee’s (Evans) - Trivia Club Argos - Karaoke Malibu Jack’s - Trivia with Mike Thomas Mi Rancho (Downtown) - Trivia with Mike Thomas Somewhere In Augusta - Free Poker Tournaments Wild Wing - Trivia

Wheels - Live DJ Wooden Barrel - Karaoke Contest

Wheels - Live DJ Wooden Barrel - Kamikaze Karaoke

Saturday, March 24 Live Music

Sunday, March 25 Live Music

The Acoustic Coffeehouse - Open Acoustic Jam Session with Eryn Eubanks and the Family Fold Blue Sky Kitchen - Playback The Band Cotton Patch - Riley Williams Country Club - Larry Frick Coyote’s - Jason Sturgeon Joe’s Underground - Dave Firmin Malibu Jack’s - South Atlantic P.I. Bar and Grill - Smooth Jazz Soul Bar - Dr. Bread Somewhere in Augusta - The Unmentionables Surrey Tavern - Candace w/ Perfect Picture Wild Wing - Almost Famous

What’s Tonight?

Club Argos - Variety Show Cocktails Lounge - Latin Night Crazy Turk’s - DJ Kris Fisher Fishbowl Lounge - Karaoke

5 O’Clock Bistro - Buzz and Candice 8th Street River Stage - Candlelight Jazz Wild Wing - Jason Marcum The Willcox - Jazz Jam Session

What’s Tonight?

Caribbean Soul - Love Jones Sundays Malibu Jack’s - Karaoke with Mike Swift Mi Rancho (Downtown) - Karaoke Mi Rancho (Washington Road) - Karaoke, Salsa Dancing

Monday, March 26 Live Music

Sector 7G - We Are Defiance, My Ticket Home, Miracle At St. Anna, Through Agony We Reign, Convexis, Burn the Sails

What’s Tonight?

Upcoming

Jeremy Graham Band - Joe’s Underground March 29 Mazes & Monsters, Death of Paris - Sky City March 29 TX Clergy - Wild Wing March 29 Mandisa, Nicole Britt, Laura Story - USC-Aiken Convocation Center March 30 Ray Piazzola - Cotton Patch March 30 Chris Lane - Country Blub March 30 Shamless Dave - Laura’s Backyard Tavern March 30 John Kolbeck - Somewhere In Augusta March 30 Mannray, Brothers, Yo Soybean - Sky City March 30 Gaslight Street - Sky City March 31 Breathe Carolina, The Ready Set, Ashland High, Romance On A Rocketship, Matt Toka - Sector 7G April 1 Rock Fore! Dough - First Tee of Augusta April 3 Par 3 Party - Augusta Common April 4 Fred Williams Jazz - Augusta Moonlight Music Cruise - April 6 Granny’s Gin - The First Round April 6 Yacht Rock Schooner - Sky City April 7 Stillview, Daybreak Embrace - The Playground April 9 Tim O Shields, My Story - My Music- My Passion Imperial Theatre - April 12 METRO SPIRIT 03.22.12 33

IN THE MIX

Kaitlyn Keller Bartender, The Loft and 5 O’Clock Bistro

ARIES (March 21-April 19)

Not bad for a few weeks’ work, play or whatever you call this tormented, inspired outburst. You’ve gone a long way toward outgrowing the fairy tale that had been haunting your dreams for so long, but all this may just be a warm-up for your next metamorphosis, in which you make an audacious new commitment to becoming what you really want to be when you grow up.

TAURUS (April 20-May 20)

Taurus: 1. The last thing you need is someone to support your flaws and encourage your delusions. True friends offer snappy critiques and crisp advice. 2. Figure out once and for all why you keep doing a certain deed that’s beneath you, then gather the strength and get the help you need to quit it. 3. It’s your duty to stop doing your duty with such a somber demeanor and heavy tread. To keep from sabotaging the good it can accomplish, you’ve got to put more pleasure into it.

GEMINI (May 21-June 20)

Kaitlyn, 23, is a life-long resident of the Augusta area who now lives in Evans. As a bartender, she has kind of a split personality: On many nights she’s at downtown hangout the Loft, but two nights a week she works at 5 O’Clock Bistro. A big fan of wine who loves the selection at Vineyard Wine Market, patrons at the Hill bistro surely appreciate her expertise. When she’s not working (which isn’t often, she says), those who know her will find her hanging out with her new puppy, Buddha, or going to the river. “I’m always outside,” she says. What are your plans for the summer? To go on as many trips as possible. What’s the stupidest pickup line someone has ever tried on you? There’s all kinds. Any one that you’ve heard of, I’ve heard. We hang up the cheesiest ones behind the bar (at the Loft). But I don’t mind at all. It’s better than people yelling and screaming at you. What’s your favorite drink to make? A Baby Guinness [a shot of Patron XO and Bailey’s], because when you make one you take one. Team Jacob or Team Edward? Neither. Team Bella. Dogs or cats? Dogs. Beer or wine? Wine. Favorite TV show? “I Love Lucy.” Football or baseball? Football. How long are your toes? Well, my second one is longer than the big toe.

The German Weltratsel can be translated “World Riddle.” Coined by the philosopher Friedrich Nietzsche, it refers to questions like “What is the meaning of existence?” and “What is the nature of reality?” You’re now primed to deepen your understanding of the World Riddle. For the next few weeks, you will have an enhanced ability to pry loose useful secrets about some big mysteries. Certain passages in the Book of Life that have always seemed like gobbledygook to you will suddenly make sense. Every time you decipher more of the World Riddle, you will solve another small piece of your Personal Riddle.

CANCER (June 21-July 22)

“The reasonable man adapts himself to the world; the unreasonable one persists in trying to adapt the world to himself. Therefore all progress depends on the unreasonable man,” wrote George Bernard Shaw. You are now in an ideal phase to be the sort of unreasonable man or woman who gets life to adapt so as to better serve you and your dreams. Even if the emphasis in the past has often been on you bending and shaping yourself to adjust to the circumstances others have wrought, the coming weeks could be different.

LEO (July 23-Aug. 22)

In “Word Hero,” Jay Heinrichs offers advice about how to deliver pithy messages that really make an impact, like this: Exaggerate precisely. Heinrichs gives an example from the work of Mark Twain. Twain did not write, “In a single day, New England’s weather changes a billion times.” Rather, he said, “In the spring I have counted 136 different kinds of weather inside of four-and twenty hours.” Be inspired by Twain’s approach in every way you can imagine. Make things bigger and wilder and more expansive everywhere you go, but do it with exactitude and rigor.

VIRGO (Aug. 23-Sept. 22)

“Liminality” is the betwixt and between state. It’s dawn or dusk, when neither night nor day fully rules. During a rite of passage, it is when the initiate has left his or her old way of doing things but has not yet been fully accepted or integrated into the new way. Mystical traditions from all over the world recognize this as a shaky but potent situation — a time and place when uncertainty and ambiguity reign even as exciting possibilities loom. You’re now ensconced in liminality.

LIBRA (Sept. 23-Oct. 22)

Argentinian writer Antonio Porchia said there were two kinds of shadows: “some hide, others reveal.” In recent weeks, you’ve been in constant contact with the shadows that hide. But any moment now, you’ll be entering into a dynamic relationship with more evocative mysteries: the shadows that reveal. Don’t get caught assuming that the new shadows are just like the old ones.

SCORPIO (Oct. 23-Nov. 21)

Every winter, hordes of ants have overrun my house. This winter, the pests stayed away, and that has been very good news. The bad news? The reason they didn’t invade was because very little rain fell, as it’s supposed to during Northern California winters. The ants weren’t driven above ground by the torrents that usually soak the soil. And so now water shortages may loom. This scenario is a metaphor for a dilemma you may soon face, except that you will have a choice in the matter: Would you rather deal with a lack of a fundamental resource or else an influence that’s bothersome but ultimately pretty harmless?

SAGITTARIUS (Nov. 22-Dec. 21)

Be brash and bouncy, frothy and irrepressible. To prepare you, I’ve rounded up some exclamatory declarations by poet Michael McClure, which will help you cultivate the right mood: “Everything is natural. The light on your fingertips is starlight. Life begins with coiling — molecules and nebulae. Cruelty, selfishness, and vanity are boring. Each self is many selves. Reason is beauty. Light and darkness are arbitrary divisions. Cleanliness is as undefinable and as natural as filth. The physiological body is pure spirit. Monotony is madness. The frontier is both outside and inside. The universe is the messiah. The senses are gods and goddesses. Where the body is — there are all things.”

CAPRICORN (Dec. 22-Jan. 19)

You know those tall, starched white hats that many chefs wear? Traditionally they had 100 pleats, which denoted the number of ways a real professional could cook an egg. I urge you to wear one of those hats in the coming weeks — or whatever the equivalent symbol might be for your specialty. Express your ingenuity in dealing with what’s simple and familiar… to be inventive and versatile as you show how much you can accomplish using just the basics.

AQUARIUS (Jan. 20-Feb. 18)

Driving my car in San Francisco late one night, I arrived at a traffic signal that confused me. The green light was radiant and steady, but then so was the red light. I waited until finally, after about two minutes, the red faded. You may soon be facing a similar jumble of mixed signals. Don’t keep moving forward; pause and sit still until the message gets crisp and clear.

PISCES (Feb. 19-March 20)

Joan Ginther has won the Texas Lottery four times, collecting over $20 million. Is she freakishly lucky? Maybe not, according to Nathaniel Rich’s article in the August 2011 issue of Harper’s. Ginther has a Ph.D. in math from Stanford, and wonders if she has used her substantial understanding of statistics to game the system. You now have exceptional power to increase your good fortune through hard work and practical ingenuity.

Why did the chicken cross the road? [Long pause] I don’t know.

ROBBREZSNY FREEWILLASTROLOGY@FREEWILLASTROLOGY.COM 34 METRO SPIRIT 03.22.12

V. 23 | NO. 12

IN MUSIC

Justin Bieber Disappoints Me Yet Again It only takes one weekend to remind me how much I hate the bagpipes and banjos. Cool to watch live, but painful to listen to for more than two hours. I hope Matt Flynn doesn’t get mad at that comment. On the plus side, Matt, I do love the beer at Stillwater. It was a great St. Paddy’s weekend. Thousands of people flooded downtown to enjoy a great parade, green beer and live music. I don’t think I have ever seen that many people downtown. I heard rumors that I saw live bands, but I don’t recall. I myself enjoyed Guinness and my couch, right at 8:30 p.m. You see, I ran into a bottle of Jameson. That’s all I have to say about that. Good times for sure, but let’s all agree to put down the banjo for the next 51 weeks, okay? Now this is something Disney can get behind! Marilyn Manson has a new disc hitting stores in May called “Born Villain,” and look who’s jumping on board, his good buddy Johnny Depp. Yeah, that Johnny Depp. Oh wait, it gets worse; the duo recorded a cover of Carly Simon’s “You’re So Vain.” I hope it’s as good as when Kate Hudson and Matthew McConaughy did it. Catch Manson out on tour this summer and fall, and catch Johnny Depp in all of Tim Burton’s movies. The Rock ‘n’ Roll Hall of Fame ceremony is coming up fast and they have announced this year’s presenters. On the top of my WTF list is Chris Rock inducting the Red Hot Chili Peppers. Hey, at least it will be funny. Other presenters include Chuck D, Steve Van Zandt and Bette Midler, just to name a few. No word on who will induct Guns N’ Roses, or even if the band will show. I have 10 to 1 odds that Axl backs out last minute and slaps Bette Midler. Photos have surfaced of Justin Bieber badly beaten up. Unfortunately it was all makeup done for a photo shoot. Thanks for getting my hopes up Complex Magazine. Bieber graces the cover of their 10th anniversary issue. What will getting arrested, having outstanding warrants and lying about your real name get you? Kicked off “American Idol” it seems. One of this year’s finalists, Jermaine Jones, got the boot the tough way this year by Idol producers finding out the Jones has a bit of a past, including violence. Kind of boring if you ask me. At least when Frenchie Davis got kicked off it was for sexual photos. I think I’ve already said too much. Here comes guitar solos. With only a few American dates, Jack White has extended his tour in support of his first solo album, “Blunderbuss.” Closest to us will be shows in Nashville and Asheville. Pick up the new album on April 24. Download of the week is a band called The Weeks. Download the song “The House That We Grew Up In.” If you know me, you could have guessed that I would like them. They sound like the Kings of Leon. If you’re up for a road trip, the band is playing in Atlanta this Saturday, March 24, at Smith’s Olde Bar. A couple of new local bands are sprouting in Augusta. John Krueger & The Tumbling Tumbleweeds are at Soy Noodle House on Friday, March 23. You know John from The Eskimojitos and other musical outlets. That boy’s good. And another band that’s out, Cameras, Guns, & Radios, have a show at Sky City next Thursday, March 22. What shows do I need to see? Where is your band playing during Masters Week? It’s called free promotion, kids. Email matt@ themetrospirit.com.

MATTSTONE can be heard weekdays from 2-6 p.m. on 95 Rock. V. 23 | NO. 12

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Michael Johnson

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Richard Fender, Stacy Paugh, Sheri Kirkendoll and Chris Tallent at the First Annual Deputy J.D. Paugh Bike Night at Carolina Ale House.

SIGHTINGS

Carla Lacombe, Jennifer Harley and Donna Wiley at the First Annual Deputy J.D. Paugh Bike Night at Carolina Ale House.

David Flicek, Sara Mariaconchita, Cristen Curran and Nathan Justice at the Firehouse.

SIGHTINGS

Ruskin Yeargain , Kelly Johnson and Cliff Bennett at Sky City.

Steve Bracci, Ronda Still and Wizzard from Mother’s Finest at Sky City.

SIGHTINGS

Caitlin Shawver, Brendan Douglas, Katie McKagen and Natalie Sleister at the St. Patrick’s Day parade in downtown Augusta.

36 METRO SPIRIT 03.22.12

Needy Umansky, Stephanie Verdery and Katharine Cundey at the St. Patrick’s Day parade in downtown Augusta.

Ashley Colando, Krista Geden and Colleen Sherdan at The County Club.

Michael Johnson

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Bennie Price, Brigid Pursley, Katherine Price and George Pursley at the St. Patrick’s Day parade in downtown Augusta.

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THE

EIGHT

BOX TOPS

You guys knew Johnny Depp didn’t star in this version, right? RANK

TITLE

WEEKEND GROSS

TOTAL GROSS

WEEK #

LAST WEEK

21 JUMP STREET

$36,302,612

DR. SEUSS’ THE LORAX

$22,764,760

$158,387,775

JOHN CARTER

$13,569,795

$53,227,248

PROJECT X

$4,044,159

$48,170,005

ACT OF VALOR

$3,733,697

$62,454,066

“Friends with Kids”

NATALIEELLIOTT

Not Your Average Feel-Good Rom-Com “Friends with Kids,” the ensemble comedy and directorial debut of its America’s sweetheart-y star (and writer) Jennifer Westfelt, is a true and uncanny product of the bourgeois, post-feminist and nontraditional parenting culture we struggle to adapt to as a nation. Invoking all these powers, it should be a noble comment on what an unmarried, career-minded woman can do in the realm of single parenting. Unfortunately, for all of the charm and acting prowess of its hefty cast, “Friends with Kids” feels too short-sighted and too wishful. We enter the lives of six friends, notably Julie (Westfelt) and Jason (Adam Scott), the only two singletons left in the group, who have developed an eerily close, humor-driven codependent kinship. At dinner, when friends Leslie (Maya Rudolph) and Alex (Chris O’Dowd) announce their plans to have a baby, Julie and Jason find themselves confronting a similar impulse. After a four-year lapse, seeing their friends navigate the bickering, exhausting, contentious aspects of early parenting, they strive to dream up a way to raise a child happily without all of the unflattering marriage-y stuff. (They are two svelte and superficial Manhattanites, after all.) Of course, they’ve never been attracted to each other ever, and Jason is a womanizer and Julie is a commitment-phobe, so separate romances aren’t in the cards anytime soon. After many montages of red-wine swilling and Central Parkjogging and discussing every aspect of their baby strategy, Julie and Jason decide to get pregnant together, and raise the child, co-parenting, only as friends. And you can see exactly where this is going — no, exactly. Enlisting the help of some of today’s best comedic (and otherwise skilled) actors, including Jon Hamm (of “Mad Men”) and Kristen Wiig (who plays Hamm’s unhappy wife, Missy), among rising stars like Scott and O’Dowd, seems like a safe measure to make sure all of the jokes go off without a hitch — and, for the most part, they do, with cringe-inducing worn-in relationship humor serving as an endless centerpiece. Except, curiously, comedy talents like Hamm and Wiig (especially) play totally straight, which manages to handicap the mood perhaps more than needed. (I’m always game for a brilliant comedian playing straight, but she perhaps needs a

38 METRO SPIRIT 03.22.12

character of more prominence than a quietly depressed, drunken waif.) The vast portrayals of relationship bitterness, however accurate, come across as freshly as a slap to the face — this is not your average feel-good rom-com. This is, however, very much a New York movie, complete with jokes about Brooklyn parenting cults, Christmas scenes in Manhattan and Seinfeld-ian successful but emotionally stunted inhabitants. If you’re a sucker for any of these tropes, then this will make a great date picture or future holiday season selection. But if you’re looking for a more mature version the charmingly awkward, uptight, out-of-sorts heroine of Westfelt’s previous gems like “Kissing Jessica Stein,” but with more current-day commentary (the homosexuality issue of the early aughts is today’s reproductive rights debate), then you’ll likely enjoy what “Friends with Kids” has to offer. That is, until its abruptly saccharine smack of an ending, which undermines a lot of the wit and realism a female-driven comedy, like this one, could benefit from.

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OPENING FRIDAY, MARCH 23

DRAMA

“The Hunger Games,” rated PG-13, starring Jennifer Lawrence, Josh Hutcherson, Liam Hemsworth, Stanley Tucci, Elizabeth Banks, Woody Harrelson, Lenny Kravitz, Donald Sutherland. Haven’t heard of this futuristic epic that pits children against each other in a fight to the death? Then you must have been living in a cave since Suzanne Collins published her massively popular young adult trilogy. Think “Twilight” except with weapons, a kick-ass heroine played by an Oscar nominee rather than a cardboard cutout, and no sparkly vampires. We promise. Unless Hollywood got this incredibly wrong, this movie is going to rock.

C E R WE

THE8ERS Movie times are subject to change.

The Big Mo

Gates open at 7 p.m.; shows begin at 8:30 p.m. (approximately) March 23-24 Field 1: The Hunger Games (PG13) and The Woman in Black (PG-13); Field 2: Journey 2: The Mysterious Island (PG) and The Lorax (PG); Field 3: John Carter (PG-13) and Safe House (R).

Masters 7 Cinemas March 23 The Grey (R) 4:15, 7:15, 9:50; Red Tails (PG-13) 4, 7, 9:40; Underworld Awakening (R) 5:15, 7:45, 10; Contraband (R) 4:30, 10; Joyful Noise (PG-13) 7:30; War Horse (PG-13) 8; Mission: ImpossibleGhost Protocol (PG-13) 4, 7, 9:50; Alvin and the Chipmunks: Chipwrecked (G) 5:15, 7:30, 9:40; Hugo (PG) 4:45

D N E M M O

March 24 The Grey (R) 1:30, 4:15, 7:15, 9:50; Red Tails (PG-13) 1:15, 4, 7, 9:40; Underworld Awakening (R) 1, 3:10, 5:15, 7:45, 10; Contraband (R) 4:30, 10; Joyful Noise (PG13) 1:30, 7:30; War Horse (PG-13) 8; Mission: Impossible-Ghost Protocol (PG-13) 1:15, 4, 7, 9:50; Alvin and the Chipmunks: Chipwrecked (G) 1, 3:10, 5:15, 7:30, 9:40; Hugo (PG) 1:45, 4:45

Evans Cinemas March 23 The Hunger Games (PG-13) 12:30,

1, 1:30, 2, 3:45, 4:15, 4:45, 5:15, 7, 7:30, 8, 8:30, 9:30, 10; 21 Jump Street (R) noon, 2:30, 5, 7:30, 10; John Carter (PG-13) 12:50, 3:50, 6:50, 9:45; A Thousand Words (PG-13) 12:25, 2:45, 4:50, 7:25, 9:50; Dr. Seuss’ The Lorax (PG) noon, 12:40, 2:20, 3, 4:40, 5:20, 7, 7:40, 9:20; Project X (R) noon, 2:10, 4:25, 6:35; Act of Valor (R) 1:20, 4:20, 7:20, 9:55; Tyler Perry’s Good Deeds (PG-13) 1:10, 4:10, 7:10, 9:50; This Means War (PG-13) 12:15, 2:40, 5:10, 7:35, 10:05; Journey 2: The Mysterious Island (PG) 12:30, 2:50, 5:05; Safe House (R) 7:20, 10:05

Regal Exchange 20 March 23-24 The Hunger Games (PG-13) 10:30, 11, 11:30, noon, 12:45, 1:15, 1:45, 2, 2:15, 2:45, 3:15, 3:50, 4:20, 4:50, 5:20, 5:50, 6:30, 7, 7:25, 7:55, 8:10, 8:25, 8:55, 10:05, 10:30, 11, 11:30, 12:05, 12:35, 1:05; October Baby (PG-13) 12:10, 2:45, 5:20, 7:55, 10:30; 21 Jump Street (R) 12:10, 1:40, 2:50, 4:25, 5:25, 7:15, 8, 9:45, 10:35, 12:15; John Carter (PG-13) 1:50, 4:50, 5:10, 7:50, 10:50, 11:15, 12:30; Silent House (R) 12:05, 2:15, 4:35, 7:55, 10, 12:10; A Thousand Words (PG-13) 1, 3:15, 5:30, 8, 10:15; Dr. Seuss’ The Lorax (PG) 12:15, 1:05, 2:25, 3:20, 4:45, 5:35, 7, 7:45, 9:10, 9:55, 11:20, 12:05; Project X (R) 2:10, 4:30, 7:15, 9:40, 11:50; Act of Valor (R) 2:35, 5:05, 7:40, 10:20; Tyler Perry’s Good Deeds (PG-13) 12:05, 2:40, 5:15, 7:50, 10:20; Ghost Rider: Spirit of Vengeance (PG-13) 9:35; Journey 2: The Mysterious Island (PG) 12:30, 2:50, 5:10, 7:30, 9:50, 12:10; Safe House (R) 2:20, 5, 7:30, 10:10, 12:45

Read the Books! The movie theaters will be overrun with teens and tweens this weekend, dragging their parents to see the big-screen adaptation of Suzanne Collins’ “The Hunger Games,” the first in a trilogy of young-adult novels about Katniss Everdeen’s fight for survival in the not-too-distant future. So you’ll probably want to skip that. And if basketball and reruns really aren’t your speed either, then skip TV and read Collins’ books. The story of an evil government’s yearly attempts to punish its residents for a past rebellion by choosing two children from each of 12 districts and forcing them to fight to the death while the country is made to watch doesn’t read like a young adult story. The books are just great fiction… period. And by the time you finish, all the kids should have seen the movie and you’ll have the theater to yourself. Yeah right.

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METRO SPIRIT 03.22.12 39

CUISINE SCENE

AMYCHRISTIAN

Familiar Faces Fat Man’s may have moved, but the Usrys and Miss Pearl aren’t going anywhere When what is now Fat Man’s Mill Cafe first opened as the Pit in 1948, Horace Usry owned it and Pearl was in the kitchen, serving up some of the best burgers, sandwiches and meat and three plates in the city. Now, 64 years later, Horace’s son Brad and grandson Havird oversee an operation that has moved twice and expanded into catering and special events. Miss Pearl, however, is still in the kitchen using the same recipes for fried chicken and squash casserole as she did at the Pit. “The lady who started working for my grandfather in 1948 is still here,” Havird Usry says. “I think she started when she was 14 or 15 and Miss Pearl still comes to work every day.” It is that kind of consistency and familiarity, Usry says, that has made Fat Man’s such a success. “To be honest, I think it’s a name that’s recognized here in Augusta,” he says. “Since my grandfather and my father have been in business, they’ve really worked hard and put their time in to provide not only a product but a service that keeps people coming back.” That’s not to say that everything remains exactly as is was when the Pit was on Laney-Walker near the corner of 15th Street. Sure, the Fat Burger is still on the menu, but it costs a little more than 68 cents now. And while their meat and three real meals continue to be their most popular menu items, Usry says that the menu has naturally evolved over time. “You always have to have something new and different,” he says. “I think a lot of people fall behind because they can’t offer something new and fresh. Now, you name it: we have veggie burgers and our wraps are a huge hit. We have a lot of different salads, which are very popular, especially the Supreme, which has nuts, raisins and bacon. And we’ve added different meats and vegetables to our menu. We now carry grilled salmon, sweet potato fries and

40 METRO SPIRIT 03.22.12

fried pickles.” Many of the changes were a natural progression of the moving process. When Fat Man’s Forest closed in 2008, much to the entire community’s sorrow, the cafe moved to Fort Discovery on the Riverwalk without missing a beat. “The restaurant wasn’t even closed for a day,” Usry says. “We were actually open in both locations for a little while, so we haven’t shut down.” Not long after that move, however, Fort Discovery announced it was closing and forced the Fat Man’s crew to once again decide where to go. Fortunately, they had already been managing Enterprise Mill Events Center since Clay Boardman renovated the space. “So we thought, instead of managing the events center from afar, why don’t we just move everything under one roof?” he explains. “I think we were kind of skeptical at first, just because it’s kind of a tucked away location.” Diners, as it turns out, didn’t much care where Fat Man’s was located as V. 23 | NO. 12

long as it was still open and serving Miss Pearl’s food. As an added bonus, many now order their food to go and eat it outside on the Enterprise Mill grounds near the canal. The new location, while tucked away, is central enough to benefit both their delivery service, which is free to downtown and the medical community with a minimum order of $25, and their catering. “Our real bread and butter as a restaurant is what my dad likes to call blue collar catering,” Usry says. “Different medical reps and office managers that we’ve always had good relationships with will call the day before or the morning of and ask us to deliver lunch. It keeps us going the whole day. Right when we get done with lunch at about 3 p.m. is when people start calling orders in for the next day.” While the majority of their daytime catering is located downtown and in the medical district, Usry says they have also branched out to Columbia County and the Hill. And that doesn’t count the Master’s Week business that Usry is focusing on growing or the weddings and other more upscale events they handle through Enterprise Mill Events Center. It requires a loyal and flexible staff that Usry is thankful he has, not to mention the support of his father, who still works in the cafe every day. “He’s still involved on a daily basis,” Usry says of his father Brad. “We have very similar personalities, but we still work very well together. It’s amazing how that relationship works, but it seems to be just fine as we plug along. We know when to work with each other and when to stay away from each other, too.” And though Usry has big plans for Fat Man’s in the future, he says patrons shouldn’t worry: they won’t be going anywhere for a good long while. “This lease has another 12 or 13 years on it, so I don’t think we’re going anywhere for a long time. If anything, I hope we stay here and go elsewhere,” he says. “We’ve learned a lot with having the event side of it and the restaurant under one roof and I don’t know how I’m going to expand it, but I think there will come a time. I definitely have a vision to expand and keep growing and providing products and a quality service.” Fat Man’s Mill Cafe 1450 Greene Street, Enterprise Mill Courtyard Monday-Friday, 8:30 a.m.-4 p.m. 706-733-1740 fatmans.com

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METRO SPIRIT 03.22.12 41

CUISINE SCENE

AMYCHRISTIAN

Best-Kept Secret Gordon’s Conference & Catering hosts parties, weddings and lunch daily that is affordable, tasty and open to the public Lawrence Jackson has worked at Gordon’s Conference and Catering since the 1980s and has seen many changes. One thing that hasn’t changed in that 20-plus years? Many of those who live off-post remain unaware of its existence or that they don’t have to be in the military to take advantage of all the center has to offer. A former club for military personnel, the center may suffer from the misconception that it still is a private facility. Jackson, however, stresses that it’s not and that all of the center’s amenities are open to the public, military and civilians alike. “We’re not a club anymore, we’re a special event facility now,” he explained. “We specialize in catering and special events. We do offer our facility to civilians and we do cater off-post, too. We also have a large lunch program where we feed anywhere from 300 to 400 people Monday through Friday, and that is open to civilians as well.” It is that lunch program, during which diners are served a variety of food and drinks, that may just be the center’s most popular offering. “We have a buffet, a sandwich line, soup and chili, and the thing about our lunch buffet that is great is that, when you come in, you don’t have to get the buffet,” Jackson said. “You can just get a salad if you want to or just get chili if you want to. We try to cater to everybody’s needs.” Variety certainly makes lunch at Gordon’s Conference & Catering popular, but affordability and quality are more reasons so many people keep coming. Lunch is less than $9… and it’s good. Really good. “I think it’s the price… the affordable price and the mixture of food,” Jackson said when asked why they have so many repeat customers. “Each day we serve four meats and about six vegetables, and I think everybody comes back because we put a little seasoning in the food. You don’t need your salt and pepper shaker.” Diners also look forward to daily specials such as Friday’s fish fry. Friday, however, is not their most popular day. “Thursday is our biggest day, but not for the buffet,” he said. “We do a German schnitzel on Thursday and that packs them in. If we cut out schnitzel on Thursday I’d get run out of town.”

42 METRO SPIRIT 03.22.12

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That’s not likely to happen anytime soon, especially when the center is preparing for its busy special buffet season. Easter, Mother’s Day and Father’s Day are big days at Gordon’s Conference & Catering, during which time they offer a brunch buffet. In two seatings, Jackson said they easily feed almost a thousand people. “We probably feed 800 to 900 people those days and a lot of them are civilians,” he said. “And some people ask why civilians come out and I think there are two reasons: the food is good and, with two seatings, you don’t have an hour and a half wait. We’re able to get them all in here so they can have a good meal.” And while there’s nothing wrong with

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the Monday-Friday buffet, these special events are, well, special. “We do spruce up the buffet on those days,” Jackson said. “People’s favorites on the buffet are the steamed shrimp and the omelet bar. We also do Thanksgiving dinner and people actually get mad at us on Thanksgiving because we don’t do the omelet bar, but we don’t because it’s dinner and not brunch.” While there are no regular events featured on evenings and weekends, Jackson said those times are almost always filled with special events. It’s not surprising, given that the center can hold up to 500 people for cocktails or 200 for dinner in their largest ballrooms, and have other rooms that can hold anywhere from 30 to 150

guests comfortably. “On the weekends, we can do as many as three or four events,” he said. “We get a lot of wedding receptions. In fact, we have three this weekend, one at Clark’s Hill and two here.” And to make the building even more comfortable for guests, the center is just winding down an extensive renovation. “We just completed part of a renovation and we’re still ongoing,” he said. “We added a new front entrance so you can have easy access to all rooms.” Those renovations will make all the events they host or support — the twiceyearly Wine Fests, Fourth of July and Oktoberfest celebrations, most notably — run much more smoothly. In the meantime, however, Jackson and his

staff will continue making diners happy on a day-to-day basis and encouraging civilians to give them a try. “Our main mission here is to support the soldiers, their families and the civilians who are working here on post,” he said. “But we do enjoy a lot of success and business with the offpost personnel. I’ve been with the club since 1986, so I know a lot of people downtown and a lot of the retirees on post have a good working relationship with the community.” Gordon’s Conference & Catering 19th Street, Building 18402 on Fort Gordon Lunch: Monday-Friday, 11 a.m.-1 p.m. 706-791-3928

METRO SPIRIT 03.22.12 43

SPONSOR THE

Metro Spirit’s Pet Page! lauren@themetrospirit.com

Birds Find a Home at Feathered Friends Forever By BooBoo the Cockatoo

With all the political espionage going on today, who would think that Harlem, Georgia, would be home to a secret location hiding over 1,300 residents on a 10-acre site? We found an insider who was willing to tell us about this mystical place. Meet BooBoo, one of the long time residents of Feathered Friends Forever, America’s largest nonprofit rescue and sanctuary for endangered-exotic parrots. She will give you a “bird’s eye view” of her home and tell you how you can see for yourself.

Hi! I’m BooBoo and I’m just one of the 1,300 rescued parrots who call Feathered Friends Forever home. This place is amazing and you really need to see it in person to appreciate all the work and love that has gone into it. I live in the main building with a few others I’ll introduce later. Ron and Tammy Johnson started FFF 14 years ago as a place for people to board their feathered companions because Ron could not find anything like that and lost his parrots when he went in the Marines. Since then they have taken in parrots who were abandoned, mistreated or outlived their owners from 42 states, including Alaska. I got here about 10 years ago because my humans didn’t have time for me. We get a lot of guest parrots who come here for “Birdy Camp” while their owners are travelling. We also care for parrots belonging to our military folks stationed overseas. What I like most is that everyone is an unpaid volunteer. Larry and Bob are also veterans and we have other great volunteers like Sony, Kat

44 METRO SPIRIT 03.22.12

and Rico. They work hard and can always use more help if you would like to join us. We have a lot of interesting stories here. Gerty does a card trick. RB the macaw was driven here from Arizona and Shelby flew in from Alaska. Kipper was found abandoned in a motel. His cat impersonation is really great and he was a guest on the “Buzz on Biz” radio show. Our home consists of the main building with two porch areas and 23 outdoor aviaries of different sizes. Ron and Larry are working hard to build the new habitats. These have infrared heat, mist cooling and a fountain in each one. They also get natural logs to climb on plus toys to play with! Each one is over 500 square feet so all the birds have lots of room to fly. Your business can sponsor one. Here’s a picture of the Macaws as they were getting acquainted with their new home. You can tell Jonah loves it by the smile on her face! We’re open to the public every weekend from 11 a.m. to 5 p.m., weather permitting. Admission is by donation. Matter of fact, we operate entirely on private donations from generous folks like you. Even though it’s a licensed Georgia animal

Upcoming Benefits Paws in the Park A CSRA Humane Society fundraiser that takes place at 425 Wood Street and at the north entrance of Lake Olmstead Park. Saturday, March 24, 9:30 a.m. For more information, visit csrahumanesociety.org Block Party 2012 Sponsored by Vic’s Motorcycle Sales and Service, this benefit for Feathered Friends Forever Bird Sanctuary in Harlem costs $10 to enter and is held at 2113 Harding Road off of Peach Orchard Road. Saturday, March 31, 10 a.m. For more information, call 706-691-5093 or 803-640-4329, or visit featheredfriendsforever.org

Village Deli and Friends Annual Charity Golf Tournament A fundraising event for That’s What Friends Are For, Inc., a 501c3 that raises money for local rescues, spay and neuter, and much more. Sunday, May 20, 1:30 p.m. tee time Goshen Plantation Golf Club To register, donate or get more information, call Village Deli at 706-736-3691 or visit thatswhatfriendsarefor.org Feed the Love Food Drive Through March 27, Bi-Lo shoppers can purchase a $5 bag, filled with pet food, that will be donated to Golden Harvest Food Bank to give to needy families with pets. For more information, visit bi-lo.com

shelter we don’t receive any local, state or federal funding. Our $300 per day operating costs must be covered from sponsors, donors and fundraising events like the upcoming Vic’s Riders Block Party on March 31. I’ll be there so come by and say hello! You can also sign up for our newsletter on our website featheredfriendsforever.org. We host senior projects every year where high school students need a mentor and have to do a report. I’m proud to say that I got to be part of the very first one and we got an “A.” I think it was because I translated everything into “parrot speak” for the judges. I also meet people who do their community service time here. Feathered Friends isn’t really Area 51 but it sure seems that nobody knows where we are!

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Call us today at 706.667.9009

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V. 23 | NO. 12

METRO SPIRIT 03.22.12 45

WHINE

LINE

I’m convinced Stein Mart is the Abercrombie and Fitch for senior citizens. “I maybe more intelligent than you,” texted the obviously illiterate whiner. There was a NASTY white couple having sex on top of a magazine rack in front of the New Moon Cafe on St. Patty’s after the parade. I stopped and observed for about 30 seconds... I could not believe my eyes. Woooo, so a shop sets up to now sell such boozy cupcakes, they have to check IDs before selling those liquor-heavy sweet items. Does that mean that those cupcakes are going to hit the market on Sunday as well downtown? No one notices the democrat and republicans are the same group of people who just say different stuff. It’s an interesting slate of sheriff’s candidates. One guy has the gall to apply when he’s had trouble with females, lost work items (leaving paperwork and weapons behind in his old apartment) and falsifying praise about himself (signing in a work computer as some lady commenting on a newspaper’s blog). Mr. Ivey sounds good and honest but he had mentioned he’d thought of retirement and at 65, how much longer will he last as top cop? Peebles and Silas both sound good as well and Peebles has several years of experience up on Silas. So may the best man win right off in July. I’m thinkng these next mailings from the Summerville Neighborhood Assoc. will not be as ego-driven as those of the recent past. I just heard a very prominent local pastor repeat a Limbaugh talking point about Sandra Fluke. He went on to question why Pres. Obama would voice support for a student who admits to needing contraceptives for sex. I read the transcript from Ms. Fluke’s testimony, and she said nothing of the kind. I wonder if his congregation is aware that their pastor is bearing “false witnesses.”

WHINELINE@THEMETROSPIRIT.COM

Have something you want to get off your chest? Send your whines to whineline@themetrospirit. com. If you do so by noon on Friday, you might just see it in the next Thursday’s issue. Oh, and whines may be edited for content but will pretty much be printed exactly as you type them.

Ahhh, the joy of finding a book to read: hours in a bookstore or poking around online for something new and different. Wait, who has time for that? It’d be so much quicker and easier if someone would just hand you a new book, don’t you think? That’s exactly the idea behind whatshouldireadnext.com, where visitors simply type in the name of the book they’re now reading (or one of their favorites) and up pops a list of other works in similar genres by different authors that they might like. Sure, it’s the ultimate in laziness, but I guess we should just be thankful that there are still people who want to read books, right?

WERECOMMEND whiff of bovine manure seemed to drift in the air. Queasiness turned to air-sickness as the pedestal supporting this child ascended skyward. Now it’s too late. There’s a sickening, sweetish goo all over everything. And her mother is nominated for sainthood SO WE CAN KEEP EVERYONES MIND ON THE ABORTION ISSUE? Poor kid, her dad is exploiting her “preciousness” to mask the emptiness of his game. Oh and by the way the coolest prettiest smartest greatest daughter in the world is mine, not his. I love you honey. Just wanted the say, “Thank you” to the Spirit for Making the “Cuisine Scene” part of your paper. I went to the restaurant you wrote about last week (Laziza Mediterranean Grill) and it was WONDERFUL! The food was fresh and fantastic! I recommend it to everyone. Thanks Met Spirit for the “Heads Up”. I’m all about trying new and good restaurants (since there are so few in this area that are not franchised). Keep up the good work! North Augusta citizens everywhere; take action! Our town is so much prettier, safer and nicer to live in then that run-down dump across the river we marginally share a name with! It’s high time we break the bonds completely and stand on our own! We have a more attractive riverfront. We have a downtown strip that you can walk through and feel safe in without being harassed by homeless people and prostitutes. Our parks are immaculate and plentiful. We don’t need that name. Let’s go back to our older, more elegant name: Hamburg!

Oh my god this Neal crap stinks. Sure a woman cant comit rape, but maybe this is a threesome gone wrong. Maybe something was promised that wasnt deliverd. Who knows what goes on behind closed doors.

Why are there two MCG Foundations? I know the second one developed after bad blood with the first foundation and the MCG president of the time. I’d like to know why the second foundation did not give any monies for the new dental school? Was it in support of the people who had not wanted to be booted out of Gilbert Manor? And the way it was done?

First, I wish the ignorant retard that sent in that comment would reveal his/her name! I am disabled and only 44 years old. You have no idea what anybody has as a disability nor are you qualified to comment on all doctors or patients and their individual disabilities. Please post your name so I can talk to you personally!

It’s funny how news travels last to ASU in general while everyone else gets to hear it. We know Bloodworth knew about the merger then vote before Christmas. Then the rest of ASU got the surprise after everyone else got it. I know I heard about the moving of the nursing dept. from ASU over to MCG before it came out in the news Thursday. Geez.

Re: Austin Rhodes’ “Bestest Non-Aborted Daughter” story: As I contemplated the “Pittsburgh Stealers/Homespun Philosopher” bit, a

Big THANKS to Congressman Barrow for arranging the Thursday health fair held at the ASU Athletic Complex. I now know I have a way too high

46 METRO SPIRIT 03.22.12

blood pressure that will need to be monitored after all. And it was good to see how much the hospitals do with programs for seniors. Some of Josh Ruffin’s comments he said in “looking ahead: Obama 2.0 was funny to me. Josh is right when he say that President Obama is a good guy and so far he is. Why do people with no where to go and no time to be there insist on driving in the left lane on Bobby Jones. 55 the speed limit i get it, but im in a hurry and or late get the hell in the slow lane...and to the truckers who take it upon them selves to act as a rolling blockade 4 miles before the merge to one lane on Bobby Jones for construction work...I hope the DOT man dissasembles your raggedy trucks and writes tickets till his hand hurts...Im just saying Teachers come in two broad varieties; there are those who actually know the content of the subjects they teach and have a passion for the subjects, come to work regularly and on time, and make a valiant effort to impart knowledge and wisdom in their classrooms. Then there are the semi-literates (sometimes even flaunting “PHDs”), who shirk duties, and comport themselves as if they are on permanent vacation. But there is ONE tragedy which is BOE political policy. It is this BOE that doesn’t hold parents accountable for being pathetic examples, forces teachers to pass illiterate students because of age or overcrowding, and is too busy coming up with cutesy policy that might justify their jobs and their overblown salaries. Whine to the moronic parents dumb enough to buy their kids dirt bikes or ATV’s to Disturb the rest of the neighborhood. Only good thing about these dim wits is perhaps their inbred offspring will be careless enough to thin the herd. WOW - there’s really another atheist in this town other than me? I’m sure your short, 42 word “whine” comes from a mindset of common sense, critical thinking, and scientific fact. Two atheists in Augusta....WOW! And see, I just made the “religious” happy because if two atheists in Augusta isn’t a “miracle”, I’ve never seen one! Religion is a placebo for ills needing remediation elsewhere! BAM!

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