Metro Spirit 03.25.2004 by Metro Spirit

METRO SPIRIT Mar. 25-31 Vol. 15 No. 34

Augustaâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;s Independent Voice

Inside the

BOE Spin Zone

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Holy Saturday, April 10, 2004 The Great Easter Vigil: 8:30pm (No 5:00 Mass) Includes: Blessing of the Paschal Fire and Candle; Exultet; Vigil of Scriptures; Blessing of Holy Water; Baptism & Confirmation; Holy Eucharist; Renewal of Baptismal Promises

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Contents

METRO SPIRIT ON THE COVER 17 Inside the BOE Spin Zone Cover Photo: Brian Neill Cover Design: Erin Lummen

By Brian Neill

MARCH 25-31 • FREE WEEKLY • METROSPIRIT.COM

FEATURES 14 The City’s Salary War

By Stacey Eidson

OPINION 6 Whine Line 6 This Modern World 6 Words 8 Thumbs Up/Down 10 Insider

CINEMA 31 Flix 33 “Never Die Alone” Filled With Cliches and Stereotypes 34 Zany “Sunshine” May Just Reveal the Real Jim Carrey 34 Reel Time

METRO BEAT 12 The Balance Between “Mr. Bubba” and the “Boys”

MUSIC 35 Larry Jon Wilson’s Back — With a Few Friends 36 Bloodkin Delivers Straight-Up Rock 37 Sightings 38 CD Reviews 39 Music by Turner 39 Music Minis 40 After Dark

BITE 20 Chili or Slaw, These Dogs Are Hot 21 In the Mix ARTS 22 Look for Plenty of Street Performers for April First Friday 24 Janos Enyedi Makes Paper Look Like Steel 25 A Springtime Theatre Explosion EVENTS 26 Calendar

STUFF 43 Brezsny’s Free Will Astrology 43 New York Times Crossword Puzzle 44 News of the Weird 44 Amy Alkon: Advice Goddess 45 Datemaker 47 Classifieds

EDITOR & PUBLISHER David Vantrease ARTS & ENTERTAINMENT EDITOR Rhonda Jones STAFF WRITERS Stacey Eidson, Brian Neill ADVERTISING SALES MANAGER Joe White

PRODUCTION MANAGER Joe Smith

ADVERTISING SALES SUPPORT Riali Blackstock, Michelle Dove

ARTS & ENTERTAINMENT INTERN Andy Stokes

GRAPHIC ARTISTS Natalie Holle, Erin Lummen, Shawn Sutherland ARTS & ENTERTAINMENT ASSISTANT Lisa Jordan

ACCOUNTING MANANGER/CLASSIFIEDS Sharon King SENIOR MUSIC CONTRIBUTOR Ed Turner CONTRIBUTING WRITERS Amy Alkon, Rob Brezsny, Rachel Deahl, David Elliott, Amy Fennell Christian CARTOONISTS Tom Tomorrow

Metro Spirit is a free newspaper published weekly on Thursday, 52 weeks of the year. Editorial coverage includes arts, local issues, news, entertainment, people, places and events. In our paper appear views from across the political and social spectrum. The views do not necessarily represent the views of the publishers. Visit us at www.metrospirit.com. Copyright © Metro Spirit, Inc. Reproduction or use without permission is prohibited. Phone: (706) 738-1142 Fax: (706) 733-6663 E-mail: spirit@metrospirit.com Letters to the Editor: P.O. Box 3809, Augusta, Ga. 30914-3809

METRO SPIRIT - MARCH 25, 2004

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OPINION

have been with the county for almost 20 years. If the citizens of Richmond County think things are getting better, think again.

To the lady selling hotdogs on First Friday, please come back and come more often. You’ve got the best hotdogs in town. Thank you so much. See you soon. Richmond County, be advised! When you failed to pay Pam Tucker what she was truly worth, Columbia County hired her away from you. Next it’s going to be George Kolb, for Columbia County really needs an administrator who can get things done in spite of lackluster and stupid elected officials. Representative Ben Harbin is quoted as saying the August 20, 2002 Republican Straw Poll is the basis for a countywide-elected school board chairman. As I recall, Alvin Starks put that on the ballot, as well as several others, none of which has received much legislative attention. Interesting how Harbin can now use this for his own case. Sheriff Whittle stood with Tom Mercer when he announced for reelection; then again with Jim Whitehead when he announced for state senator. It’s too bad Whittle has not learned the importance of running his campaign separately. To run with dogs just gets you their fleas, and Whittle has an opponent with plenty of money and support and who may just run over Whittle.

METRO SPIRIT - MARCH 25, 2004

Joey Brush, the state senator from Columbia County, had Senators Johnson and Stephens endorse him as a hard worker. I’d say “the proof is in the pudding,” and Joey’s proof looks like mud soup! He is no role model. He may have been present in Atlanta, but his output in the legislature has been minimal, his work has been

Whine Line myopic and his personal life is a disaster. In case people have forgotten, Sen. Johnson was Brush’s helper to remove the New York state flag from Georgia’s capitol during the 1997 flag debate. Their stupidity backfired when the media portrayed them as idiots and Georgians as a bunch of rednecks. What has happened to the radio stations in Augusta? I’m so sick and tired of hearing the same songs over and over every hour of the day. If you people really need to hear Outkast or Mercy Me every hour on the hour, go buy the CD. Another thing that bugs me is the fact that pop radio stations are on this new kick. Not only do they play pop music, they also play Christian and country songs now. Last time I checked there were stations for both of those types of music. If it weren’t for the ladies in the office, I would never listen to the radio. What’s next? Rap on country stations? Maybe a little death metal on the easy listening station? Maybe someone can assist with getting a straight answer from Sheriff Clay Whittle and his administration over why certain churches get deputies to direct traffic on Sundays for free and only one does not. This is to the person who slammed that new show on Fox54 on Saturday nights. It is called RockHard TV and I happen to like it! It’s about time real music videos were put back on TV. MTV only plays hip-hop and Top 40. Rock has been absent from the airwaves for way too long! I say “Thanks and keep up the great work Rob and Ike!” If you don’t like it, there is a remote control, you know. Isn’t it ironic that the AugustaRichmond County Commission and the Columbia County Commission acted on a racist issue on March 16? The Augusta-Richmond County

Words

"They've got nothing on me and they can keep my phone tapped for the rest of my life and follow me for the rest of my life. I've been innocent from day one." — Local real estate agent and former county commissioner, Bill Hiers, quoted in a 2001 Metro Spirit article about his having been a suspect in a federal investigation into cocaine trafficking. Hiers was recently arrested and charged with felony possession of cocaine, according to media reports. Commissioners courageously voted down a proposal to rename Lake Olmstead Stadium after Ty Cobb, who was a virulent racist. On the other hand, Columbia County Commissioners voted to designate April as Confederate History Month over the objections of AfricanAmerican residents because the Confederacy represents racism, lynching and hatred. So what is the difference between the two commissions? The Augusta-Richmond County Commission consists of bipartisan members of Democrats, Republicans and Independents. The Columbia County Commission consists solely of radical, right-wing Republicans who have no sympathy for the interests of their African-American citizens. MaLea Breland’s letter addressing her deviant point of view is so typical of what is wrong with America today. She even goes so far as to use that separation of church and state to illustrate her desire to force her beliefs on everyone else. Then she has the audac-

ity to point out this separation is to ensure that no one group forces their beliefs onto another. This is for Joey Brush. If I lived in Georgia, I would definitely vote for him ‘cause he’s a cutie. This is a gripe against big oil and Mr. George Bush. He went around getting up all this campaign money so the oil companies won’t double their money back. Also, most people don’t know that Texas has a vote in OPEC. So, go figure. This whine is for the idiot who hit the sign head on Warren Road. What part of “road closed” do you not understand? Yes, the road is closed on Warren Road. Figure it out. Now that John Kerry, Jane Fonda, Bill Clinton and Ted Kennedy are the official heads of the DNC, I guess it is OK to start calling them Demo Congs. continued on page 8

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DUI

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CITY ADMINISTRATOR George Kolb

To the Augusta Commission for, if nothing else, making this a pretty interesting place to live and work. Commissioners' recent 11th hour (literally, 10:45 p.m.) decision to go back and restudy the Regency Mall site for locating the judicial center was priceless in terms of comedy.

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To local Democratic Party Chairman Lowell Greenbaum and company for raising such a fuss about the recent editorial cartoon in The Augusta Chronicle depicting presidential hopeful John Kerry in cahoots with Osama bin Laden. Don't they understand that this is The Chronicle we're talking about? Its editorial content is supposed to be sophomoric and geared to the most basic, NASCAR-minded readership. What's different about this example? This is probably the only daily paper of its size in the Southeast that still doesn't run Doonesbury on

continued from page 6 Re: “Gay Marriage Issue.” We could go right through the Ten Commandments, finding numerous people opposed to each one of them. Does that make a wrong right? I think not. I’m certain that many liberals would support a “cause” against all 10 commandments until those same liberals find themselves infringed upon! Then, they’ll be the first to cry “There ought to be a law.”

METRO SPIRIT - MARCH 25, 2004

This Clark guy sounds just like a former employee bad-mouthing his former boss. Only in his case, his former boss is President Bush. He writes a book. His only motive could be money. We’ve freed an entire nation from over 25 years of tyranny. We removed potential monetary support for al-Qaida. It’s not like we’ve stolen or otherwise obtained free crude oil. We’re “The Good Guys!” Many other countries would execute Clark for treason. In the U.S., we’ll make him rich! The Cooks and Greenbaums must have been into the Kool-Aid again. Cook bemoans the possibility of a Social Security cut but has already forgotten that it was the Democratic sweetheart, Slick Clinton, who put the massive tax on social security. Greenbaum beats the drum for the reaction of Spain to a terrorist

moral and philosophical grounds. A paper whose circulation continues to hemorrhage. Greenbaum's kicking and screaming only lends credence to the argument that the newspaper's cartoon will somehow tarnish the reputation of his party's candidate. That would only be accomplished in the lowest common denominator — the person who puts more than a grain of salt's stock in The Chronicle's editorial page. Move on Greenbaum. There are bigger fish to fry. Leave The Chronicle for wrapping up the leftovers.

attack, but refuses to give credit to the Bush administration for a free Iraq. These Democrats who frequently talk out of both sides of their mouths deserve Kerry — a guy who is always wrong and is wrong now for the Republic. The federal government has spent a ton of money investigating Martha Stewart but, to date, has done nothing to get CEO Ebbers, Clinton and Democratic Chair McAulliffe for insider trading of WorldCom. I guess it’s OK for a prominent Democrats to turn $100K into $18M. And don’t forget Hillary’s futures buying that started the rise of the Clinton fortune — and by a pair who had the gall to talk of greed! After arriving in the Commons area downtown for St. Patrick’s Day, we were alarmed at the number of police officers and squad cars with blue lights flashing. We thought that there was another bomb threat or riot going on. We decided to leave and celebrate where it did not look like the Sheriff’s Department was expecting all hell to break loose. Call our Whine Line at 510-2051 and leave your comments. We won’t use your name. Fax your whines by dialing (706) 733-6663 or e-mail your whines to whine@metrospirit.com.

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OPINION

Insider

Maps 2: The Fight Continues

hose pesky Georgia legislators under the Gold Dome in Atlanta whined, tweaked and maneuvered enough last week to get the map makers presiding over Georgia’s legislative district redrawing process to propose another map after the map of last week had been decreed the final one. In politics, as the saying goes, “It ain’t over till it’s over.” It may not be over yet. As The Insider reported last week, the previously drawn maps crowded state Sen. Don Cheeks (R-23), state Sen. Randy Hall (R-22) and former District 22 Democratic state Sen. Charles Walker into District 22, leaving Don Cheeks the seat in District 23 vacant. The newly drawn maps position Hall in District 23 and now Cheeks resides in District 22. Again, whether the political lines configured in the new maps become permanent is anybody’s guess. They could change again any day.

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But If They Remain as They Are ... • Walker and local attorney, Ed Tarver, would likely face off in the Democratic Primary, with the winner facing Cheeks in the general election in November. The idea of a Walker-Cheeks contest is titillating to the bloodthirsty political observers among us. Can you say nasty? • A couple of astute politicos observed that Cheeks might not run if he is pitted against Walker. These prognosticators think Cheeks will realize he can’t win in the heavily Democratic, majority AfricanAmerican district and will get out of the race rather than see his political career ended by his old nemesis, Walker. Others who know Cheeks suggest there is no way he will back down from this fight. • Then, there is still the question of the state and federal authorities who continue to investigate Walker. The Georgia Bureau of Investigation, the Federal Bureau of Investigation and the Internal Revenue Service apparently haven’t given up on the Walker case. While the recent resignation of the U.S. Attorney heading up the case has created doubts about the investigation, rumors abound that Walker is going down. If that happens before the election, all bets are off and the District 22 campaign would change drastically.

• Hall, who governed in Atlanta with the full appreciation that he had to face African-American voters in District 22 this year, finds himself in a majority white district. He may have some explaining to do to South Augusta and rural voters who may not appreciate the required nuances that faced Hall in his first term. Hall’s position on the Confederate flag reflected the view of African-Americans in District 22 but doesn’t necessarily pass muster among many white voters in District 23. While Hall’s chances in District 23 are decent if the maps hold, there is a concerted effort to recruit a strong Democrat to run against him. A Democrat From Columbia County? Reliable sources in Columbia County report that Chuck Pardue, an attorney who ran in the Democratic Primary for the 12th U.S. Congressional seat in 2000, is consider- Joey Brush ing running for Joey Brush’s seat this year. Brush is being challenged by former Columbia County Commissioner Jim Whitehead in the Republican Primary. Sources close to Pardue indicate that he is thinking about running regardless of which Republican wins the primary election. The district is overwhelmingly Republican. Democratic voting performance is only around 43 percent, so Pardue will have his work cut out for him. Regardless, Pardue is talking among his friends and associates about the prospect of the race. Brush has been politically damaged due to accusations and media coverage of his alleged infidelity. Whitehead has vowed to keep the issue out of the race, but there is blood in the water and the sharks are circling. Brush’s enemies cannot wait for this contest. Meanwhile, insiders report that Brush is conducting a poll to gauge just how much damage has been done to his reelection chances. Those results could determine whether Brush runs or not.

The views expressed in this column are the views of The Insider and do not necessarily represent the views of the publisher.

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METRO BEAT

Civic Center

The Balance Between “Mr. Bubba” and the “Boys”

METRO SPIRIT - MARCH 25, 2004

hen Augusta-Richmond County Coliseum Authority member Joe Scott brought up the need for the civic center to implement a disadvantaged business enterprise program during the authority’s March 23 meeting, it was as if he was speaking a foreign language. Over the last few years, the city and Augusta Regional Airport have each begun to aggressively develop disadvantaged business enterprise programs to ensure that women, minorities and small business owners are given a level playing field in competing for contracts offered by the city of Augusta. In 2003, the Augusta Aviation Commission set a personal goal to include minority- and women-owned businesses in 25 percent of the airport’s projects. The city of Augusta just finished advertising for a full-time Disadvantaged Business Enterprise Coordinator at an annual salary of $64,290. But when Scott asked members of the coliseum authority to implement a disadvantaged business enterprise program at the civic center, all he got was a bunch of blank stares. “In 1973, the legislative delegation approved the authority here, and they had a clause in the legislation regarding minority participation in contracts,” Scott said. “A plan was supposed to be developed by the authority and sent to the mayor and the county commission for review.” Coliseum Authority Chairman Billy Holden said he thought the civic center was doing everything it could to include all people interested in bidding on work at the facility. “I don’t understand what you’re talking about Joe,” Holden said. “We put everything out for bids. We advertise in the newspaper. We also advertise it in the minority papers when we do things. “I want to do what we were supposed to do. But I thought we were doing everything required of us.” Scott tried to explain that the civic center should develop a plan that sets goals to include minority- and women-owned businesses in work at the arena or Bell Auditorium. “Maybe I can explain it a little better,” Scott said. “When you spend

taxpayers’ money, black and white, you have to let minorities bid on things and have the opportunity to make some of that money back. You have to make a good faith effort to do so. And that’s all I’m asking for.” During the March 23 meeting, the authority selected an $876,140 bid from Hussey Seating Co., one of two companies in the nation that develop motorized sections of seating for civic centers, to replace more than 1,700 movable seats. Authority member Wayne Frazier used that bid in trying to explain to Holden the benefits of a disadvan-

By Stacey Eidson

Holden asked the civic center’s assistant general manager, Linda Roberts, whether the authority was complying with that commitment. “No, we have not,” Roberts responded. In order to find a quick solution to the problem, Holden suggested that Scott develop the civic center’s disadvantaged business enterprise plan. “Joe, let me ask you something on this thing with the minorities,” Holden said. “You are saying we are not doing what we are supposed to be doing. Can I put you in charge of making sure we start doing what we

Joe Scott

“When you spend taxpayers’ money, black and white, you have to let minorities bid on things and have the opportunity to make some of that money back.” — Coliseum Authority member Joe Scott

taged business enterprise program. “More than likely we won’t find no minorities bidding on that type of (motorized seating) item because you only have but two companies anyway that do that type of work and both of them are owned by Mr. Bubba,” Frazier said. “But you are trying to make sure minorities have an opportunity to play a part in the bid process.” According to the 1973 legislation, the civic center is supposed to be in “compliance with a minority business enterprise participation or making a good faith effort to comply with the goals of such a plan.”

are supposed to be doing?” Scott explained that this type of plan was not something the civic center can just throw together, but it is a program that the city has created an entirely new position to develop. He suggested Holden speak to Augusta’s human resources director, Brenda Byrd-Pelaez, in order to understand how much work goes into developing such a plan. “I don’t have a job. I’m retired,” Scott said, laughing. “I’ll work with a committee to help develop it, but we are going to need some help.” “Well, you can get any help that you want to get,” Holden said.

Frazier again used the civic center’s recent contract with Hussey to explain how the authority should go about awarding bids. “He gets $875,000,” Frazier said, pointing at a representative from Hussey. “He brings all his boys up in here to make money off of all our taxpayers, African-Americans, Mexicans, everybody. “But you’ve got all Caucasians on this $875,000 deal. So, what we are saying is, even though he owns the company, what are we doing to make sure that everybody takes a role at getting a chance at that money? That’s how we include minorities in this process.” Civic Center General Manager Larry Rogers said he had a similar discussion with the Hussey representative about hiring local workers to help replace the arena seating. But Frazier shook his head, saying Rogers still didn’t understand. “You said ‘local labor,’” Frazier said. “That means he can get his cousins down here to do the work. When you talk about minority, you have to say specifically ‘minority,’ not just local labor. You have to say you are going to include minorities in this process.” Rogers said he will insist that Hussey includes minorities in the work. “I’ll make sure that the balance is even,” he said. Holden decided to appoint authority members Annie Rogers and Scott to head a committee to establish a disadvantaged business enterprise plan. Authority member Mildred McDaniel said she was glad to see the civic center understand the need for such a program, however she thought the board should be more careful in describing how the plan should work. “I noticed that we are very lax sometimes about the kinds of phrases that we use and I’ve heard a couple of slurs here today,” McDaniel said, referring to some of Frazier’s comments. “You’ve got to be careful about how you refer to each other in this meeting. I’m not going to say anymore, but please let’s call people or things by their appropriate name.” Frazier quickly responded by saying, “Amen.”

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hen it comes to competing with salaries offered in the private sector, the City of Augusta is not just a day late and a dollar short — try two years late and thousands of dollars short. In May 2002, Human Resources Director Brenda Byrd-Pelaez and Deputy Administrator Fred Russell headed an internal salary reclassification of city employees’ pay and presented their study to the Augusta Commission for consideration. However, like most major decisions in the local government, the salary reclassification needed to be further studied and was sent to the University of Georgia’s Carl Vinson Institute for review. The initial problem with the salary study was that it recommended several hefty increases for high-ranking employees within the government. For example, under the salary reclassification, Russell, who began working for the city in 2002 at an annual salary of $79,291, would be given an $8,000 increase. Byrd-Pelaez, who has worked for the city since 1997, first as the Equal Employment Opportunity Coordinator and later as the human resources director, would be raised from a current annual salary of $65,576 to $71,237. The salary study was immediately viewed by the public as a top-heavy plan, so the

By Stacey Eidson Augusta Commission quickly backed away from its implementation. But according to the Carl Vinson Institute’s review of the plan in September 2002, the pay raises recommended by the in-house salary study weren’t out of line. That was almost two years ago. So, now what’s the hold-up?

According to Russell, if the commission implements the salary reclassification plan this July, it would cost the city approximately $267,300 in 2004. However, the commission also considered a plan last year to implement a 2-percent market adjustment increase and a 2-percent performance based initiative for city employees.

“I just urge my colleagues to be mindful of the other people in this city that we’ve got wearing two or three hats who aren’t getting raises.” — Augusta Commissioner Marion Williams

Money. Money. Money. Last year, the city suffered a shortfall in the 2003 tax digest resulting in a net loss of approximately $1.5 million in anticipated revenue. Without that money, the salary reclassification plan was put on the back burner during the 2004 budget sessions until the commission could review the city’s midyear finances this summer.

Russell stated that if the commission approves those salary adjustments along with the salary reclassification plan, the city would have to find approximately $1.3 million from the general fund budget. “But those figures may change,” Russell said this week. “We’ve been asked to take another look at the (salary reclassification) plan and there have been some changes over what the numbers were last year.”

While the city is further studying the plan and the commission is waiting for a midyear report on its finances, employees seeking raises are being told that they must also wait so that the city will be “fair to all.” But lately some employees are questioning how fair the commission is really being. In November 2003, 18 positions at Augusta Regional Airport received salary increases which commissioners justified by saying that the airport generates its own revenue and does not impact the city’s general fund budget. Not long after the airport increases, District Attorney Danny Craig went before the commission to request that one of his investigators, Glenn Rowland, be reclassified to a chief investigator. Rowland was receiving an annual salary of $51,257 and commissioners approved Craig’s request to upgrade Rowland’s position with a salary increase of approximately $7,000. Commissioners explained this move by pointing out that Craig already included this proposed increase in his 2004 budget. But in February, when commissioners voted to increase Richmond County Board of Elections Executive Director Lynn Bailey’s $58,000 annual salary to $65,000 a year, the flood gates were officially opened.

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“I’ve also heard you mention the litter patrol. Well, I’ve still got those junk cars in my district that the marshal is supposed to be moving that have not been moved yet. ... I just urge my colleagues to be mindful of the other people in this city that we’ve got wearing two or three hats who aren’t getting raises. Because if we do this, I’m going to be in support of everybody else getting a raise.” Augusta Commissioner Willie Mays said commissioners weren’t being truly honest about Smith’s compensation. “I think the marshal is one of the best of the 2,700 folks that we’ve got working in this city,” Mays said. “And maybe he hasn’t received any compensation since 1999, but back then he got $17,000 more for running for that position. It was a $48,000 job that was changed to an elected position for $65,000. To me, that’s quite a jump in one year.” Mays said he had no problem giving Smith a raise, but he thought that he should have to wait until the city has a chance to review its midyear budget. “June is not as far away as Oz,” Mays said, convincing his fellow commissioners to wait on Smith’s request until this summer. “Personally, I’m just trying to figure out how we are going to address raises that have been before this body for the last two years in a row. “At some point or time, those folks are going to deserve an answer as well.”

Now, commissioners are being bombarded by new salary requests. On March 16, the commission was asked to consider increasing Richmond County Marshal Steve Smith’s annual pay from $65,000 to $75,000. City Attorney Steve Shepard explained that when the Georgia Legislature changed the marshal to an elected official in 1999, Smith began receiving a state salary of $60,000 plus a $5,000 local match. Shepard said, through his discussions with the marshal, Smith outlined a number of additional responsibilities he’s taken over since first being made an elected official, such as installing security at the municipal building and the Law Enforcement Center and heading the city’s litter division. “Because of those added responsibilities, he has requested an increase that comes to about $10,000,” Shepard said, explaining that Smith had not received an increase since 1999. “That salary was fixed when he ran for that office,” Augusta Commissioner Marion Williams said, objecting to the request. “I’d like to know what his extra duties and responsibilities are.” Williams pointed out that the commission provided Smith with an additional 23 officers to handle security in both buildings. “We gave him manpower for that,” Williams said. “I’m sure that (Smith) doesn’t stand there at the door and watch those people do security or go by there and check them every afternoon.

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By Brian Neill the same thing for everybody else? It makes you wonder. I am the first African-American superintendent. But I don’t worry about that. I try to do what I can do to help all the children and all the employees in the entire community.” Larke said he is employed by the board and therefore cannot tell its members not to talk to the media, even though they adopted the media policy at the spring retreat. Padgett said she will continue to speak to the media as she sees fit, rather than deferring to Jordan. “In my opinion, she only speaks for Dr. Larke. She does not speak for the school board, meaning the 10 elected officials,” Padgett said. “Mechelle’s a nice lady, but I don’t go through her.” Padgett isn’t alone in her skepticism of Larke’s compensation deal or the media policy some board members follow. Board member Kenneth Echols also questioned Larke’s pay-out after seeing numerous stories about it in the media. He suggested an audit may be in order to make sure the decision really was legal. “I think there’s more to it,” Echols said. “Something’s not right. We didn’t know how many days it was; we didn’t know how much it was going to be; we didn’t know when it was going to be spent. We didn’t have any of that information. We should have known that. We’re the governing body and the watchdogs for the community and we didn’t know that. That’s wrong. That’s really wrong.” Echols said he will continue to speak for himself and not through Jordan. “Well, if you talk to the majority of the board,

they want her to be the spokesman for the board,” Echols said. “But let me just tell you, I wasn’t elected by the board; I was elected by the people. She can’t speak for me.” NEGLIGENCE OR COVER-UPS? Jordan was hired as director of public information for the school district in February of last year after spending roughly eight years as an anchor/reporter at local TV station WAGT-TV Channel 26. Before that, Jordan spent several years as an anchor/reporter at a TV station in west Texas and a writer/producer and assignment editor for a Dallas TV station. In her current role, Jordan, who is paid $55,587, is the point of contact for reporters seeking information to meet their deadlines, as well as citizens who have questions about the manner in which the district’s 58 schools operate. Jordan acknowledges it was a bit of an adjustment to be on the other side of the microphone. Since assuming her post, Jordan also has taken some knocks from her former counterparts in the news business for being difficult to contact at times and soft-pedaling reports of criminal acts in schools. When a gang problem arose at local schools last year, Jordan was portrayed by some media outlets as having downplayed the issue or denying it existed. Jordan later clarified that the school system didn’t track “gang activity” as a specific category, and therefore didn’t have accurate

continued on page 18

document from a March 2002 executive session meeting that contained checked-off approvals from all 10 board members to grant Larke the lump-sum vacation payment. Padgett said she didn’t recall board members being polled and suggested the document had been fabricated after the fact. “I’ve been on that board 13 years,” Padgett said. “We don’t take votes in executive session and here they have a little ‘tally’ sheet, which has never happened before, and all of the sudden they can come up with a tally sheet to back them? No. That didn’t happen.” Larke, however, maintains it did, and said the tally was a poll and not a vote. Therefore, Larke said, it was not illegal. “She may not remember; that may be true. But that’s what happened,” Larke said. “Several board members remember it happened, but I can understand why a lot of them may not want to comment on this issue. “You remember when I came on board, and you had a divided board along racial lines. We don’t want this issue to get them back to that situation. We don’t want them to be debating each other in public.” Larke, who has previously said he requested the early pay-out to offset his recently entering a higher tax bracket, suggested that race has something to do with the scrutiny he’s received over the matter. “I think all of this has something to do with race,” Larke said. “I was treated the same as the other superintendents. The only difference was, they got theirs (vacation pay) at retirement. “Why am I having to defend what I earned for almost a month and a half, when they’ve done

METRO SPIRIT - MARCH 25, 2004

mid the controversy still surrounding the $94,000 in accumulated vacation pay doled out to Richmond County Schools Superintendent Charles Larke is the question of whether information is flowing freely and accurately from the school district. Larke’s pay-out has continued to be a political hot potato and some board members, citing a policy they agreed on at a retreat last spring, have decided to let school board spokesperson Mechelle Jordan do all the talking for them on the matter. “I’m not one of those that care to speak,” said school board member Eloise Curtis, when contacted for comment about the flow of information from the school district. “I don’t talk to the media.” Curtis referred comments to Jordan. The same held true for the Rev. Johnny Hatney, another board member who, during a November board meeting, reiterated the policy to let Jordan do all the talking for the 10-member body. “I reiterated that process that night, that our media contact person is Mechelle Jordan. So anything else that you need, that’s who you need to talk to,” Hatney said, when asked for comment. “I talk to the media, but I talk to it the way the process is, through her.” But some have questioned whether Jordan really speaks for the board as a whole, or if she serves more as a spokesperson for Larke and the administration — a disseminator of information that presents their actions in only the most favorable light. Board member Barbara Padgett raised that question after the school district, through Jordan in her public information role, released a

continued from page 17 information. Although the gang issue seemed to put Jordan and the school district at odds with the Richmond County Sheriff’s Department, Maj. Ken Autry, a sheriff’s spokesman, said that wasn’t the case. “That’s not true,” Autry said. “We may have had differences of opinion about analyzing the situation and what it was and what it wasn’t. There may have been a difference there. And of course, if our position was different than theirs then one might think we were at odds.” However, Autry said he is increasingly dissatisfied with the way criminal activity at schools is currently being reported to the sheriff’s department. Just days after Autry sent an admonishing letter to the head of the school district’s public safety department for failing to report in a timely manner an alleged rape at Tubman Middle School, the same thing happened again, he said. This time it was a Hephzibah Middle School student who brought a knife on a school bus on March 16, Autry said. After the bus driver returned to the school, an assistant principal recovered the knife and sent the boy home for the afternoon on the bus, Autry said. “She takes the knife, contends the little boy wouldn’t have had any other way to get home, the bus driver agreed for him to ride the bus and so he rode the bus,” Autry said. “Well, on the way to deliver the kids, another kid on the bus that knew about it asked the little girl if he had a knife, would she tell on him. She of course said yes. And he threatens her and says, ‘Well I’m going to bring a knife to school tomorrow and if you tell on me, I’m going to slit your throat.’” Autry said the report indicates the assistant principal tried unsuccessfully to contact school district police. But Autry contends someone should have contacted the sheriff’s department. He said it was the girl’s parents who ultimately reported the matter to school board police, who in turn, contacted the sheriff’s department. Autry said he didn’t want to speculate as to whether schools or the administration are trying to downplay or cover up criminal activity in schools. “I’d rather not get into reasons,” Autry said. “The only thing I know is, it’s a fact that we don’t always get things reported to us in a timely fashion and they come to us through some other avenues a lot of times.” Larke acknowledged the knife incident, but said he couldn’t discuss it further because it was

still being investigated. He said the district’s assistant superintendent is the one responsible for handling reports of criminal activity in schools and such incidents are not reported directly to Jordan. As for whether certain school administrators might try to cover up such incidents, Larke pointed to his suspension of three principals without pay last year for failing to report three separate incidents involving a bomb threat, a fight and a knife brought to school. “I don’t have administrators out there who are willing to risk suspension by covering up anything,” Larke said. “I’m not going to ever hide anything and cover up anything,” Larke added. “That’s not my nature. At the same time, I’m not going to create stories for the media.”

“Why am I having to defend what I earned for almost a month and a half, when they’ve done the same thing for everybody else? It makes you wonder. I am the first AfricanAmerican superintendent.” — Richmond County Schools Superintendent Charles Larke

SLOW-FLOW INFO Since news of Larke’s 2003 total compensation package of $310,000 (the $94,000 pay-out, plus fringe benefits and his $168,000 base salary) first surfaced just over a month ago, Jordan said she’s dealt nearly non-stop with the issue. Because of the attention Larke’s pay-out has garnered, other duties assigned to Jordan have gone unattended, she said. For instance, a spring school district bulletin to be inserted into The Augusta Chronicle should have already gone to press.

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But because of the Larke controversy, Jordan said, she hasn’t made that deadline. As for criticisms that she is sometimes slow to respond to media queries, Jordan says she also has other roles to fill. “In addition to dealing with the media, I have numerous other things that are required of me as director of public information,” Jordan said. “The public needs me. The administrators need me. The teachers need me. And the media needs me. And so I have to be there equally for everyone.” Even so, there seems to be a gap in the flow of the most basic information from the school district that pre-dates the recent Larke compensation flap. For instance, a glance at the school district’s Web site (www.richmond.k12.ga.us) revealed

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that the last time the meeting minutes and school board actions were updated was Dec. 9. There have been three monthly meetings held since then. And while the “news releases” section of the site, excepting one month in 2002, shows a pattern of at least one release posted every month since 1999 announcing everything from rescheduled football games to special-called board meetings, there have been only six releases posted since Jordan’s hiring in February of 2003. That’s about half the number that should have been posted, assuming the minimum of a news

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release a month. Responding for Jordan, Larke said the school board actions and minutes are the responsibility of the board secretary, who’s been on extended medical leave. Larke also said it was his responsibility to direct Jordan when to write and post news releases on the Web. However, a listing of Jordan’s job description, which Larke provided and highlighted, states as one of her duties: “Consults with other department heads, administrators, coordinators, staff, principals, teachers and the public, to keep up-todate on potential press release material.” Another of Jordan’s duties, according to the job description, is that she “writes and/or edits news releases and articles.” As for the lacking board actions and minutes, Jordan said: “I forward them to our Webmaster, but I can’t forward things that I don’t receive.” School Board President Jeff Padgett said he thinks Jordan fills an important role when it comes to boiling down complex board issues into one unified voice. Still, he said, he felt it was important for him to personally speak to the media about the Larke controversy. “I prefaced my remarks by saying they were my remarks,” Padgett said, referring to a press conference he called in the wake of the controversy. “I think that’s the balance we have to have on the board. I don’t want to overstep myself and suggest that I speak for all 10 board members.” But the question remains, does Jordan, indeed, speak for the board as a whole when called on to do so? Or is she the mouthpiece of Larke and the administration? That may depend on the topic of conversation. “Of course, my responsibility as spokesperson for the board, I’m not going to release any information that may be detrimental to the board or that may hurt the board of education,” Jordan said. “But at the same time, I’m not going to lie. I have my own integrity to protect. But I am going to follow board policy and procedure.” “I mean, people just don’t understand the other responsibilities that are required of us,” Jordan added. “And they get frustrated with us because they don’t think we respond in a timely manner or they don’t think we give them the information that they should have, or they think we’re covering up something. I think they need to understand that there’s more to (this than) just sitting here and talking about a vacation pay-out, that by the way, was justly given to him. “I’m disappointed that people can’t see past, $94,000.”

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METRO SPIRIT - MARCH 25, 2004

BITE Chili or Slaw, These Dogs Are Hot

aahhh, the hot dog. So simple, yet so satisfying. A dog, a bun, a couple of condiments — that’s all you really need for a meal fit for royalty. OK, maybe not, but a cheap and enjoyable one, nonetheless. But where can a person with a serious dawg jones find such a treasure? Well, we at the Metro Spirit set out to find hot dog nirvana, searching for chili dogs and that Southern specialty, the slaw dog. The good news is that a good dog is not hard to find. Just a short hop downtown or, in one case, a trip to North Augusta will net you the goods. And even better? A complete meal, including sides and a drink, won’t run you much more than about $5. Hot Dog Haven Central Avenue near the Family Dollar strip center Points for: serving Sabrett all-beef dogs Located in front of a small brick house next to a strip center on Central Avenue, Hot Dog Haven is a stand that often looks unoccupied. Walk up, though, and owner Yolanda Johnson will appear from the house to serve up both hot dogs and sausage dogs, along with a variety of chips and drinks.

By Amy Fennell Christian

Open Monday through Saturday from lunchtime to early evening, Hot Dog Haven serves Sabrett dogs, long, skinny pups with a thick casing that gives them a nice bite. These dogs are good plain, and each of the two toppings complemented the dogs well. Slaw dogs and chili dogs are each $1.50 here (with Johnson adding whatever condiments you want), and my preference was the slaw dog. Not too sweet but nice and tangy, the almost completely white mixture was cool and frothy. The chili on the chili dog was pretty standard issue, small chunks of meat and no beans, but good. Hot Dog House Laney-Walker and 7th Points off for: strange, pink-colored dogs In spite of the name, you can get almost anything at this small restaurant, from meat and three to Chinese specialties. In fact, there are only a few hot dog choices, including plain, chili, slaw and corn dogs. After ordering at the drive-thru and taking these pups home, I opened the bag and found that the slaw dog bun had pretty much collapsed under the goopy, sweet (but not tangy) mixture. The slaw was good, but served at room temperature, something that

makes me a little nervous when it comes to mayo-based foods. After taking a couple of bites of each kind of dog ($1.39 each), I thought both the slaw and chili were spicy, but it turned out to be the dog which, despite its odd color, had a nice peppery aftertaste. The chili dog is definitely the one to order here, and the bun held up much better under this one than it did on the slaw dog. Pork Chops Martintown Road in North Augusta Points for: originality in presentation Pork Chops may be known for its barbeque, but don’t discount the Scramble Dog ($4.99) the next time you have a hankering for a serious dog. It may not be presented in the usual way, but it’s definitely a nice change. Both the hot dogs and buns are chopped into pieces, smothered with real chili (meaning you can actually see chunks of tomatoes and pinto beans) and topped with cole slaw. The dogs are good, as is the chili — not very spicy, but well flavored. The only aspect of the dish that disappoints is the cole slaw. It’s not sweet, it’s not tangy — it basically tastes like nothing more than cabbage and mayonnaise.

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Roll’n Frank Broad and 8th (usually) Points for: friendliness; an overall good dog If you spend anytime downtown, you’ve seen Pat McCraith and his tricked-out golf cart with the green and white awning. In fact, the day we visited, Pat looked ready for the Masters, dressed in knickers, argyle socks and golf shoes. A friendly fellow, Pat also serves a mean dog and you can’t go wrong with either the chili or slaw dog ($2.25 each or two dogs and a drink for $5). A line usually forms around Pat’s cart as soon as he appears (lunchtime during the week, but you can also find him during downtown special events) and, after preparing your dog, he’ll direct you to the doit-yourself condiment area. It’s a nice set-up, near a fountain and benches, which makes a good setting for a picnic. Roll’n Frank serves fat pups with great chili and a cole slaw that looks the most like normal cole slaw of any other spot’s offering. Both taste great, and it’s worth a trip back to Roll’n Frank to sample one of Pat’s specialty dogs. The Eagle dog, topped with cheddar and cranberry sauce, looks especially interesting.

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in the mix Just the facts If you don’t know Jason Barron, then you probably don’t spend much time downtown. Jason, who moved to Augusta from Savannah five years ago, not only works at Pizza Joint, but also tends bar at Blue Sky Kitchen and is co-host of 95 Rock’s “Homegrown” show Sunday nights at 9 p.m. An avid music lover who owns about 800 CDs, Jason is also a bit of a madman whose on- and off-air antics have earned him the nickname “Freakboy.” How’d you get the nickname? It actually came from one of my friends who got me the job (at 95 Rock). It’s basically just because of the way I carry myself out in public. Which is? I guess I keep people on their toes. Most of Augusta has seen my ass at some point in time — literally. Can you really fit into a Metro Spirit newspaper box? Yes I can. The very first time I did it I was with Rob Hamilton doing a remote. There was a box there and it was empty. It started as a bet. Photo by Joe White

Surprising fact about Jason That I was in the military for eight years. Favorite movie about music Probably “Pump Up the Volume” (with Christian Slater). It’s not even that great of a movie, it’s just got a great soundtrack.

Least favorite Man, that’s hard. I’d like to say “Airheads” (with Adam Sandler, Steve Buscemi and Brendan Fraser) but I actually like that movie. It’s a horrible movie, but I like it. Where are you when you’re not working? The Soul Bar or Firehouse. Especially Monday at Firehouse because it’s Jager night. Favorite local artist The Shawn Piazza band is phenomenal. They’re going to be the next big thing. Does it make you angry that your show is on opposite “The Sopranos”? Actually, I don’t watch much TV in the first place. TV rots your brain. Do you live to rock or rock to live? Rock is the blood that pulses through my veins. Without it I would die. So, therefore, I’m right there in the middle. Anything else we should know about you? Maybe there are things you should know, but you never will. No, really, I’m a pretty open person so if you want to know something about me just ask and I’ll tell you … probably.

Jason

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ART S Look for Plenty of Street Performers for April First Friday

f you’ve been out to First Friday in downtown Augusta at all over the past year and a half, then you’ve seen two of Augusta’s most startling performance arts groups: Pyroteque and Behind the Masque. If you’ve seen neither, then April’s First Friday is your chance to meet them both.

METRO SPIRIT - MARCH 25, 2004

Playing With Fire Pyroteque founder Chris Crismond had some exciting news for Metro Spirit last week. He said that in May, this group of Augusta performers will be heading to Charleston, S.C., to participate in the Spoleto Festival from May 28-31. “Every First Friday from here on out is going to be our test bed for Spoleto,” Crismond said. “We have two full-length shows that we’re working on for that.” Those, he added, will run from 45 minutes to an hour apiece. “This First Friday, we’re going to be showing off some new choreographed moves and sets — people spinning staffs, what we call sparkly poi. We’re also going to do what’s become pretty much the norm for First Friday — traditional Japanese fighting with fire swords.” Crismond said Pyroteque, like any performance group, seeks to keep learning new material. It’s kind of like pushing it to another level, not just people sitting around spinning things, but group interaction.” Spoleto will be their first big chance to show off a feature-length show. I asked if Pyroteque are telling stories with their current performances. Not yet, he said. “There are a couple of small skits that we have. They’re going to be part of a larger piece later on. … But for example our shows that we’re working on for Spoleto, one is based on the Aztec mythology of fire. They have different myths about the birth and creation of fire, and then about the end of the world where the earth is basically destroyed by fire.” Which brings us to the safety crew. The 10 Performers: Pyroteque (fire spinners) Next Appearance: First Friday Date: April 2 Venue: The streets of downtown, Augusta How To Recognize: Fire, dude. Come on.

A PYROTEQUE PERFORMER “SPINS.” performers are taken care of by another halfdozen in support crew. Crismond said that they always have three people looking out for the performers’ safety — dousing clothing that catches flame and keeping enthusiastic audience members at bay. “We burn ourselves once in a while. I’ve got a few scars to prove it.” And that is why he may not answer all of your questions to the best of his ability if you ask him how he does what he does: He doesn’t want to chance someone going away and trying it on their own. “I was taught by a professional how to breathe fire,” he said. “I don’t think that any art Precautions: Listen to the safety crew. Web Site: www.pyroteque.net Booking Info: (706) 855-0374

should be a closed art, but do your research. Do your homework. That’s what I did before I lit up. I knew all the materials, all the fuels. Aside from that, if you’re getting into fire spinning, practice with the instrument a long time before lighting up.” And Now for Something Completely Different In a telephone interview with Gary Dennis, the former interim director of Behind the Masque, the Metro Spirit learned that the group has hired a director, one Don Cleary, who directs drama at Paine College. This April 2 represents a new beginning. “It’s the kick-off for the 2004 season,” Performers: Behind the Masque Next Appearance: First Friday Date: April 2 Venue: The streets of downtown, Augusta How To Recognize: Just keep your eyes peeled for anything out of the ordinary.

By Rhonda Jones

Dennis said. “We have secured funding for 2004, so we will be ambassadors for the arts this year.” With the Masters Tournament coming the first week of April, this next First Friday is all about golf. According to Dennis, the plan is to replicate each and every one of the statues in the Golf Hall of Fame. That hearkens back, of course, to BTM’s specialty — living statues. You may have seen the brightly colored coinoperated performers waiting along Broad Street for the curious to drop in a spare bill or two to see whether they will get a song or perhaps get a chance to interact with the strange beings. “The (golfer) replicas will essentially be our standard living statues placed throughout Broad Street, probably between 8th and 11th as usual. … They’ll come alive periodically and also when donations are placed. In addition to the statues, we’re also going to have our standard — the bread and butter, the heart of BTM — the street performers will be down there as well. Belly dancers, jugglers and the like.” Dennis addressed the state of the group since the death, last August, of their founder, Jaime Burcham. “Well this is the third change in leadership in less than 12 months, and I know that makes a lot of people nervous — our supporters and our membership.” But he feels that Cleary will be good for the group. “This is probably the most wellthought out and-planned change that we’ve gone through. We have a solid one-year plan in place.” Part of that involves getting professional street performers to come work with the group. “We want to be the best, which means that we’re going to have to do a lot of training so that our people are the best.” When asked if there was anything that he would really like people to know about BTM, he said the group’s mission is to give any performer who wants to perform a venue and the opportunity to improve their craft.

Precautions: Don’t worry. They’re not usually dangerous. Web Site: www.behindthemasque.org Booking Info: (706) 364-3130 or sales@behindthemasque.org

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arts

Janos Enyedi Makes Paper Look Like Steel

METRO SPIRIT - MARCH 25, 2004

anos Enyedi says the thing that separates him from other artists interested in the American industrial landscape is that he uses two-dimensional media to approximate three-dimensional subjects. “I make paper look like steel,” he said. “I exactly replicate … There’s a steel plate out there in the world called safety plate or skid plate,” he added. You’ve probably seen it on some playground equipment, like merry-gorounds and slide ladders. “I cut each diamond by hand and glue them on one at a time,” he said. I asked how he could stand it. “I’m a mad Hungarian,” he said, and then proceeded to spell his name for me. “I first started out doing replicas of individual building facades or industrial sites, or details of those buildings,” he said. “And then in the early ‘80s — this started in 1975 — in the early ‘80s I began expanding and doing larger landscapes, and those landscapes were strongly influenced by a group of artists in America known as the Precisionists. And the Precisionists included people like Charles Sheerer. These are early 20th century artists … they also included Georgia O’Keefe and photographer Edward Weston. They were the artists at the beginning of the 20th century who focused on the urban and industrial landscape. And coming originally from the southside of Chicago, I was strongly influenced by them.” He said the separation between their work and his happened when he took what he termed the next step — adding the three-dimensional aspect. “Aesthetically, what I focus on more than anything is a sense of place — the place where people go to work every day and make the things that we use every day. Those people are, to paraphrase Carl Sandberg, proud of the things they make with their hands.” “What my work is, is a celebration of the workplace,” he added. “Sadly, over 30 years, I’ve noticed that those places are vanishing, and at a rate far quicker than anyone would have guessed.” And that’s not all that’s vanishing, he said. The highly paid jobs that those buildings represent are going away too. “For the first 28 years or so of my career, 99 percent of the images I made were imagined. They were imaginary places. I generically called them ‘Milltown,’ ‘Memories of Milltown.’ And Milltown is very much like Lake

By Rhonda Jones

“It’s form following function. I love the details — but most of all I love rust.” JANOS ENYEDI, “INDUSTRIAL AUGUSTA SOUVENIR, STACK — CONFEDERATE GUNPOWDER FACTORY,” 2003 DIGITAL PRINT, 18 X 7-3/4." COURTESY OF FURNACE ROAD STUDIO.

Woebegone. It’s an imaginary place, but you recollect having seen it, or have a feeling that, if you just turned the next corner in the road, you’d see it.” He never included people in his images, he said, until just recently, and that piece is actually at the Morris Museum of Art. “There is a lone individual atop a skeleton of a factory roof with a torch, cutting it down. It was such a compelling image, I finally had to include a person in my art,” he said. His love of the industrial has not gone unnoticed by others. About two years ago, he said, the National Museum of Industrial History in Bethlehem, Penn., invited him to document Bethlehem Steelworks, a 360acre facility, now closed.

— Janos Enyedi, artist

“At one point in time it was one of the … if not the largest steel mill in the U.S.,” he said. A lot of Manhattan was made in Bethlehem, he said, including the Empire State and Chrysler buildings, as well as the Rockefeller Center, to name a few. “They built the Golden Gate Bridge and they built every bridge going in and out of New York, except the Brooklyn Bridge,” he said. “The point of all this is, there really is a place where America was made.” He said he had just begun using digital technology, including a digital camera and computer enhancement of images. “This allows me to capture it at a much higher rate of speed,” he said, explaining that’s important because the industrial

landscape is disappearing quickly. “They’re speculating that, in 50 years the American industrial landscape will no longer exist.” “So there’s this very intense sense of actual places there in the work,” he added. “And that’s facilitated by the cuttings.” I asked him why. Just, why. “Well,” he said, “I was born on the southside of Chicago in the shadows of steel mills. I remember when I was a very little kid, my family was driving past Gary, Indiana. I looked out over this incredible horizon — huge factories belching smoke and fire.” It was autumn, and dusk, he said. “There was, at the time, this incredible body of water covered by green algae. As a little kid I was mesmerized by it and a little frightened by it. I’ve never forgotten it. “It’s form following function. I love the details — but most of all I love rust. I replicate rust in paint so you actully can’t tell the difference: Is it rust or is it paper? “I find great beauty in these places,” he said. “Some people find them ugly or just don’t pay attention to them. After people look at my art I think it changes the way they view those locations.” And, he said, Augusta deserves a lot of credit for preserving a few of its own factories. He mentioned the Enterprise Mill, for one. “What I find very positive: None of those are working factories anymore, but Augusta has changed the use of those facilities without dramatically re-organizing the overall character of the sites. I find that to be very interesting and gratifying,” he said. One interesting thing about Enyedi’s Morris Museum exhibit is that it’s his very first one-man exhibit, though he has been exhibiting for a very long time.

Artist: Janos Enyedi Venue: Morris Museum of Art Reception: 7-9 p.m., April 1, 2004 Exhibit: Through May 30 Contact: (706) 724-7501 Artist: Janos Enyedi Venue: Mary Pauline Gallery Exhibit: April 2-May 29, 2004 Interesting Tidbit: He’s showing with Tom Nakashima Contact: (706) 724-9542 Artist Web Site: www.furnaceroadstudio.com

arts

A Springtime Theatre Explosion By Rhonda Jones

here were just so many interesting productions going on that we couldn’t choose. And so here is a veritable drama menu for you to choose from, with everything from imaginary rabbits to caterpillars robbed of their hookas. Read on for more. THE CAST OF “HARVEY” PERFECT THEIR LINES. Production: Harvey What This Show Is About: What happens when a grown man is not shy about his friendship with a 6-foot-tall imaginary rabbit. Company: Augusta State University Drama Department Venue: Maxwell Performing Arts Theatre at ASU Times: March 28 at 3 p.m., March 29-31 at 8 p.m. Contact: (706) 737-1878 Director: Gloria Dosset Producer: Carolyn Cope What Cope Has To Say About Harvey: “He’s in the show in the sense, but he’s invisible.” The Big Challenge of the Production: Keeping up with Harvey. Since he’s imaginary, it’s quite easy for his fellow cast members to lose track of him. What Cope has To Say About the Playwright: “Mary Chase is taking some pot shots at psychiatry. … She’s playing with this notion of reality and illusion. We needs some illusion in our lives. We can have too much reality. The message may be, letting go of all of our illusions is not necessarily the best thing for us.” Production: Boy Gets Girl What the Play Is About: Boy likes girl. Boy stalks girl. Boy makes girl’s life living hell. Girl has to choose between sanity and safety, and her friends and career. Company: Aiken Community Playhouse Venue: The Washington Center for the Performing Arts, Aiken, S.C. Dates: April 2-16 For Reservations: (803) 648-1438 or info@aikencommunityplayhouse.com Director: Thurmond Whatley Random Director Quotes: “From what we’ve been told by one of the heads of the women’s abuse shelter in this area … the depiction of his (the stalker’s) behavior is very realistic.” Warning: Don’t take your young children to this. The themes are very adult-oriented. A Little Something Extra: A speaker from a women’s shelter will be on hand April 3 to coordinate a discussion about stalker behavior and let women know where they can get help. Production: Alice in Wonderland What the Play Is About: You know good and well what the play is about. Company: Augusta Players Children’s Wing Venue: Academy of Richmond County Times: March 26 at 7 p.m., March 27 at 5 p.m., March 28 at 3 p.m. Contact: (706) 826-4707 Director: Carrie Anderson Random Director Quote: “There’s no shrinking and growing in this production.” Anderson said they have simply oversized the props to keep Alice small. What She Did About That Pesky Caterpillar: She’s taken away its hookah. Luckily, she discovered that the actress she had cast in the role plays the saxophone. So, they have a saxophone-playing caterpillar instead. Another Fun Fact: There are 60 kids in this production. Go, Carrie.

Production: On Golden Pond Company: Washington-Little Theater Company Venue: The Playhouse at 313-C North Alexander Avenue in Washington, Ga. Times: 8 p.m. April 2-3, 9-10; 3 p.m. April 4. For Info: (706) 678-3391 For Reservations: (706) 359-9582

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Production: Plaza Suite Company: Abbeville Opera House Venue: The Abbeville Opera House in Abbeville, S.C. Times: 8 p.m. April 2-3, 16-17, 23-24; 3 p.m. April 3 & 17 For Info: (864) 459-2157

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Kids

Learning

Volunteers

Sports

Calendar Health

Education

Out of Town Music

Special

Benefits Meetings Theater Auditions Exhibitions Attractions MuseumsArts Seniors Dance Arts

THE SOUTH” will run at the Morris Museum of Art through March 28. For more information, call 724-7501.

Auditions

GRADUATING SENIORS ART EXHIBITION at ASU’s Fine Arts Gallery through April 30. Free. For more information, call 737-1878.

ENOPION THEATRE COMPANY is looking for volunteers to act, sing, sew, build and more for their new musical, “Creation.” Applications are available at www.imaryproductions.com or by calling (803) 442-9039.

Dance THE AUGUSTA INTERNATIONAL FOLK DANCE CLUB meets Thursday evenings at 7:30 p.m. No partners are needed and newcomers are welcome. Call 737-6299 for location and info.

SWEET ADELINES HARMONY RIVER CHORUS OPEN REHEARSAL for singers each Thursday at 7 p.m. at Church of Christ, 600 Martintown Rd. in North Augusta. They are on the lookout for voices in the lower ranges. Contact Stacy Branch at 877-9931.

THE DANCES OF UNIVERSAL PEACE held the first Saturday of every month, 7-9 p.m., at the Unitarian Church of Augusta, honor the religious traditions of the world through song and movement. Call (803) 643-0460 for more information.

AUGUSTA CHILDREN’S CHORALE is holding auditions on three Saturdays this spring, beginning in March. For more information, call 826-4718.

AUGUSTA CHAPTER OF THE UNITED STATES AMATEUR BALLROOM DANCERS ASSOCIATION holds a dance the first Saturday of each month, from 7:15-11 p.m. Cost is $7 for members and $10 for non-members. Held at the BPOE facility on Elkdom Court. Contact Melvis Lovett, 733-3890, or Jean Avery, 863-4186, for information.

THE BEECH ISLAND HISTORICAL SOCIETY is looking for a couple to duplicate a wedding that took place on the Sandbar Ferry Bridge in 1924. Clothing, vintage automobile, media coverage, minister and music will be provided at no cost to the wedding couple. The Historical Society would like the groom to be from Georgia and the bride to be from South Carolina. For more information, contact Joan Harrison at (803) 8273209 or The Beech Island Historical Society at (803) 867-3600.

DANCE LIKE THE PROS with ballroom dance lessons on Tuesdays, through April 6 from 7:30-8-30 p.m. at the H.O. Weeks Center. Call (803) 642-7631 for more information.

Education

UNDER A CAJUN MOON, performed by the Augusta Ballet and featuring world renowned musicians, will take place at the Imperial Theatre on March 26 and 27 at 7 p.m.

ISRAELI DANCE WORKSHOP at the Augusta Jewish Community Center Sunday afternoons, 4-5 p.m. Open to teens and adults; no experience or partners are necessary. Cost is $2 per session, with the first session free. For information or to schedule a pre-class beginner/refresher session, contact Jackie Cohen, 738-9016. ART CLASSES AND WORKSHOPS are offered yearround at the Gertrude Herbert Institute of Art. Classes and workshops are open to toddlers through adults and feature instruction in drawing, painting, photography, pottery, weaving and sculpture. For a newsletter or detailed information on registering for classes at the Gertrude Herbert, call 722-5495. The Gertrude Herbert Institute of Art also offers educational tours; for information, contact the education director at the above telephone number.

METRO SPIRIT - MARCH 25, 2004

ART CLASSES FOR CHILDREN AND ADULTS at the Art Factory. The Art Factory also has a homeschool program and scholarships are available. Programs include painting, pottery, pilates, hip hop, modern dance and more. Classes are held at the Art Factory, 418 Crawford Ave., or at the Augusta Jewish Community Center. Call 731-0008 for details.

Exhibitions

“MADE IN AMERICA: THE AMERICAN INDUSTRIAL LANDSCAPE – RECONSTRUCTED” features works by Janos Enyedi and will be on display at the Morris Museum of Art April 1-May 30. Enyedi will speak April 1, 7 p.m., as part of the Terra Cognita Contemporary Artists Lecture Series. Lecture admission fee is $3 for

Music

PETRA RAMPRE PLAYS AT THE FIRST EVER USTA WOMEN’S CHALLENGER EVENT HELD IN AUGUSTA AT THE CLUB AT RAE’S CREEK MARCH 29 - APRIL 4. adults and $2 for seniors, students and military. Free admission for museum members and regional college and university faculty and students. 724-7501. PAINTED BOXES BY CHRIS PHILLIPS will be on display at the Gibbs Library throughout April. 863-1946. WALTON’S ART OF INDEPENDENCE EXHIBIT featuring artwork from Georgia Artists with DisAbilities will be on display April 2-29 at Walton Rehabilitation Hospital. 733-9557. WORKS BY THE EMBROIDERY GUILD will be on display at the Euchee Creek Branch Library during April. Call 556-9795 for information. ART WERGER exhibits at the Mary Pauline Gallery through March 27. Call 724-9542. “TIME AND TIDE,” an exhibition of works by artist Wanda Steppe, will be on display through April 10 at the Rabold

Gallery. For more information, call (803) 641-4405. AIKEN HIGH SCHOOL STUDENT ART SHOW at the upper gallery of the Etherredge Center in Aiken through April 5. For more information, call (803) 641-3305. MATT WHITFORD will display art at the lower gallery through April 2. For more information, call (803) 641-3305. RICHARD JOLLEY, sculptor of glass, will display works through May 9 at the Morris Museum of Art. For more information, call 724-7501. 25TH ANNUAL AGNES MARKWALTER YOUTH ART COMPETITION to take place through March 28. Competition will feature works from area public, private and home-school students. For more information, contact Amy Etheridge at 722-5495. “RECENT ACQUISITIONS: AFRICAN-AMERICAN ART IN

JAZZ IN THE GARDENS with Quiet Storm April 4, 6-8 p.m., at the Georgia Golf Hall of Fame Botanical Gardens. Admission is $7 per person. Call 724-4443 for additional information. SPRING CONCERTS AT THE COMMON are held at the Augusta Common April 9 and May 1 from 7-9 p.m. For more information, call 821-1754. DOYLE LAWSON AND QUICKSILVER AND FLO CARTER AND HER FAMILY BAND perform as the final presentation in the “Southern Soul and Song Series: Gospel Series” concerts on March 28 at 7 p.m. at the Imperial Theatre. For more information, contact Tania BeasleyJolly at 724-7501.

Theater “THE GIRLS ARE BACK IN TOWN” with Chonda Pierce and Sandi Patty at the Bell Auditorium is on March 29. Call 1-800-965-9324 for information and ticket prices. “HARVEY” will be presented by Augusta State University Theatre March 28-31 in the Maxwell Performing Arts Theatre. March 28 performance is at 3 p.m.; March 2931 performances are at 8 p.m. Tickets are $10 adults, $7 senior citizens, $5 students and free for ASU faculty, staff and students with a valid ASU ID. 737-1500.

“QUILTERS” will be presented by USC Aiken’s University Theatre Players April 1-5 at 8 p.m. and April 4 at 3 p.m. at the Etherredge Center. For more information, call (803) 641-3305.

for children (4-12); free for children 3 and under. Sundays are two for one with a Super Sunday coupon. Annual garden memberships are available. Call 724-4443 or 1-888874-4443. Also, visit their Web site at www.gghf.org.

Attractions

NATIONAL SCIENCE CENTER’S FORT DISCOVERY: Children and adults alike can immerse themselves in the wonders of science through live demonstrations, virtual realities, Starlab, KidScape and more than 250 hands-on exhibits. General Admission: $8 for adults; $6 for children, seniors and active military. Group rates available. Operating hours: Mon.-Sat., 10 a.m.-5 p.m.; Sunday, noon-5 p.m. Call 821-0200, 1-800-325-5445 or visit their Web site at www.NationalScienceCenter.org.

MASTERS WEEK HOURS AT GEORGIA GOLF HALL OF FAME’S BOTANICAL GARDENS: The gardens will be open 9 a.m.-7 p.m. April 4-12. Call 724-4443 for information. MOTORIZED TOURS OF HISTORIC AIKEN every Saturday, 10-11:30 a.m. Tours leave from the Washington Center for the Performing Arts. Reservations are required, and patrons must be age 2 and older. (803) 642-7631. AUGUSTA CANAL INTERPRETIVE CENTER: Housed in Enterprise Mill, the center contains displays and models focusing on the Augusta Canal’s functions and importance to the textile industry. Hours are Mon.-Sat., 10 a.m.-6 p.m. and Sun., 1-6 p.m. Admission is $5 adult, $4 seniors and military and $3 children ages 6-18. Children under 6 admitted free. Guided boat tours of the Augusta Canal depart from the docks at Enterprise Mill at 11 a.m., 1:30 p.m. and 3 p.m. Saturdays and Tuesdays and Thursdays at 11 a.m. and 1:30 p.m. Tour tickets are $6 adults, $5 seniors and $4 students and children. For tour information, call 823-7089. For other info, visit www.augustacanal.com or call 823-0440. THE BOYHOOD HOME OF WOODROW WILSON: Circa 1859 Presbyterian manse occupied by the family of President Woodrow Wilson as a child during the Civil War and Reconstruction. Original and period antiques, restored house, kitchen and carriage house. 419 Seventh Street. Open 10 a.m.-5 p.m., Tues.-Sat. Tours available; groups of 10 or more by appointment only. Admission is $5 adults, $4 seniors, $3 students under 18 and free for ages 5 and under. 722-9828. AUGUSTA GOLF & BOTANICAL GARDENS OF THE GEORGIA GOLF HALL OF FAME features beautiful display gardens, as well as bronze sculptures of some of golf’s greatest masters. Available for rent for a variety of functions. Group discount rates available. Closed Mondays; open from 9 a.m.-5 p.m. Tues.-Sat.; open from 1-5 p.m. on Sunday. Admission is $5.50 for adults; $4.50 for students, seniors and military; $3.50

REDCLIFFE STATE HISTORIC SITE: 1859 mansion of S.C. Governor James Henry Hammond, held by the family for three generations until 1975. Grounds and slave quarters are open Thursday-Monday, 9 a.m.-6 p.m. House tours will be offered at 1, 2 and 3 p.m. Admission to the grounds is free. Fee for house tours is $3 for adults and children ages 6-17. For more information, call (803) 827-1473. 181 Redcliffe Road, Beech Island. SACRED HEART CULTURAL CENTER is offering tours of its 100-year-old building. Mon.-Fri., 9 a.m.-5 p.m. $1 per person, children free. 826-4700. HISTORIC COTTON EXCHANGE WELCOME CENTER: Open Mon.-Sat., 10 a.m.-6 p.m.; Sun. 1-5 p.m. Riverwalk. Free. Call 724-4067. THE EZEKIEL HARRIS HOUSE: Deemed “the finest 18th century house surviving in Georgia” by the “Smithsonian Guide to Historic America.” Open Saturday, 10 a.m.-1 p.m. General admission is $2; senior admission is $1 and children get in for 50 cents. For more information, call 7240436. PICTURING THE CIVIL WAR: A SYMPOSIUM will take place March 26-27 at the Augusta Museum of History, Augusta State University, the Boyhood Home of Woodrow Wilson and the Morris Museum of Art. The symposium will create a literary and pictoral record of the Civil War period. For more information or to pre-register for any of the events, call 737-1636.

Museums THE GERTRUDE HERBERT INSTITUTE OF ART in Ware’s Folly exhibits works by local and regional artists.

Art classes, workshops and other educational programming for children, youth and adults are held in the Walker-Mackenzie Studio. Open Tuesday-Friday, 10 a.m.-5 p.m. and Saturday by appointment only. Admission is free, but a donation of $2 for adults and $1 for children and seniors is encouraged. Call 7225495 or visit www.ghia.org for more info. THE AUGUSTA MUSEUM OF HISTORY hosts permanent exhibition “Augusta’s Story,” an award-winning exhibit encompassing 12,000 years of local history. For the younger crowd, there’s the Susan L. Still Children’s Discovery Gallery, where kids can learn about history in a hands-on environment. The museum also shows films in the History Theatre and hosts a variety of programs. Located at 560 Reynolds Street. Open Tuesday-Saturday, 10 a.m.-5 p.m. and Sunday 1-5 p.m. Admission is $4 adult, $3 seniors, $2 kids (6-18 years of age) and free for children under 6. Free admission on Sundays. Call 722-8454 or visit www.augustamuseum.org for more information. THE MORRIS MUSEUM OF ART hosts exhibitions and special events year-round. Open Tuesday-Saturday, 10 a.m.-5 p.m. and Sundays, noon-5 p.m. Closed on Mondays and major holidays. 1 Tenth Street, Augusta. Call 724-7501 or visit www.themorris.org for details. THE MUSEUM OF LAUREL AND HARDY OF HARLEM, GEORGIA features displays of various Laurel and Hardy memorabilia; films also shown. Located at 250 N. Louisville Street in downtown Harlem. Open 1-4 p.m. Thursday-Monday. For more information, call 556-3448. LUNCH AT NOON LECTURE SERIES held the second Wednesday of every month at the Lucy Craft Laney Museum of Black History, 11:30 a.m.-12:30 p.m. Call the museum at 724-3576 for more information.

Special Events MAYOR’S MASTERS RECEPTION with Arnold Palmer 6 p.m. April 5 at Georgia Golf Hall of Fame’s Botanical Gardens. There is no admission fee. 724-4443.

BOOK SIGNINGS at Borders Books and Music. Naomi Williams signs from 5-7 p.m. March 26 and Marsha Maurer signs from 1-3 p.m. March 27. 737-6962. APRIL FILM SERIES at Headquarters Library every Monday in April at 6:30 p.m. Free admission. April 5 showing of “Intolerable Cruelty,” April 12 showing of “The Virgin Suicides,” April 19 showing of “Grave of the Fireflies” and April 26 showing of “House of Sand and Fog.” Call 821-2600 for information. AUGUSTA SHOWCASE, an economic development campaign to market the area to potential business residents, will soon be underway. The Augusta Metro Chamber of Commerce is giving presentations on the effort. Contact Tammy Stout, 722-8326, ext. 2, to schedule a speaker for your club or civic group. MCDUFFIE FRIENDS OF ANIMALS holds pet adoptions each Saturday, 1-3 p.m. at Superpetz on Bobby Jones Expressway. Call 556-9090 or visit www.petfinder.com. COLUMBIA COUNTY HUMANE SOCIETY holds pet adoptions every Saturday from 11 a.m.-3 p.m. and every Sunday from 1-4 p.m. at PetsMart. For more info, call 860-5020. RICHMOND COUNTY ANIMAL CONTROL AND AUGUSTA ANIMAL RESCUE FRIENDS hold pet adoptions at Superpetz off Bobby Jones Expressway every Sunday from 1-4 p.m. Call AARF at 364-4747 or visit www.aarf.net. Adoptions also held at the Richmond County Animal Control Shelter, Tues.-Sun., 1-5 p.m. Call the shelter at 790-6836. THE CSRA HUMANE SOCIETY holds pet adoptions every Saturday from 10 a.m.-4 p.m. and every Wednesday evening from 5:30-7:30 p.m. at the Pet Center located behind the GreenJackets Stadium on Milledge Rd. 261-PETS. MOLLY’S MILITIA, a pet adoption agency, meets each Saturday at Superpetz in Aiken from 11 a.m.-3 p.m., Petsmart in Aiken from 3-6:30 p.m., and Petsmart in Augusta from 4:30-7:30 p.m. For more information, call (803) 279-7003. HEADQUARTERS LIBRARY FILM SERIES shows “The Narrow Margin” on March 29. Show time is 6:30 p.m. and admission is free. For more information, call 821-2600.

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Become an anonymous egg donor! Ovations is seeking healthy, educated women between the ages of 18-31, living in or going to college in the Aiken-Augusta area. Suitable donors will be compensated in the sum of $5,000

SWAMP SATURDAY April 3, 9:30 a.m., at Phinizy Swamp Nature Park. Two and a half mile tour leads past wetlands, swamps and scenic outlooks. Free of charge; however, donations are accepted. Register groups of 10 or more in advance. 828-2109.

in various locations around the CSRA this month. For detailed information on locations and times to donate, visit www.shepeardblood.org. You may also call Susan Edwards at (803) 643-7996 for information on Aiken locations and Nancy Szocinski at 737-4551 for information on all other locations.

“50 YEARS OF FEATHERED FRIENDS” event at the Little River Marina and Family Resort March 27, 1-4 p.m., to promote bird watching and the preservation of lake resources and wildlife. Admission is free and the event is open to all ages. (706) 541-1358.

AMERICAN RED CROSS BLOOD DRIVES at the Aiken Red Cross Blood Center on Millbrook Drive and the Augusta Red Cross Blood Center on Pleasant Home Road. The bloodmobile will also stop at various area locations this week. For a complete list, call the Aiken Blood Center at (803) 642-5180 or the Augusta Blood Center at 868-8800.

CAROLINA ARTS AND CRAFTS FESTIVAL takes place March 27 and 28 at the Hippodrome Complex in North Augusta. For more information, call (803) 279-8017.

HOPE HOUSE “VIVA LAS VEGAS” FUNDRAISER will take place May 7, 6:30-11 p.m. at the Radisson Riverfront Hotel. The evening will feature a Vegas-style casino including craps, blackjack, roulette and poker, with prizes available to purchase with winnings. All proceeds benefit Hope House, Inc. For more information, call 737-9879.

Out of Town ADOPTION INFORMATION SESSION 9:30 a.m.-1:30 p.m. April 3 at the Independent Adoption Center in Tucker, Ga. To make reservations, call 1-800-3854016.

2ND ANNUAL KELSI LONG MEMORIAL RIDE will be March 27, beginning at Polaris of America at 10 a.m. and ending at the MCG Children’s Medical Center. There, ride organizer Mike Maddox will present a check to the center. All proceeds will benefit the Special Child Clinic of the MCG Children’s Medical Center. All motorcyclists interested in participating in riding and contributing a $15 donation should call 860-1872.

SOUTH CAROLINA ASSISTIVE TECHNOLOGY EXPO 2004 March 30, 9 a.m.-4 p.m., at University Center in Greenville, S.C. Free and open to the public. Call (803) 935-5263 for information. AT THE GEORGIA MUSEUM OF ART in Athens, Ga.: “Myths and Metaphors: The Art of Leo Twiggs” through March 28; “Leaving for the Country: George Bellows at Woodstock” through May 16; and “Landscape and Laughter: British Watercolors from the West Foundation Collection” through April 1. Visit www.uga.edu/gamuseum or call (706) 542-4662 for info.

Learning USC-AIKEN CONTINUING EDUCATION offers Paralegal Certificate Course, Taming the Wild Child, Conversational French, Italian, Spanish for the Beginner, Sign Language, Debt-Free Living and more. Travelearn learning vacations for adults and Education to Go online courses also available. For info, phone (803) 641-3563.

“WHO’S AFRAID OF VIRGINIA WOOLF?” through April 18 at the Alliance Theatre Company’s Alliance Stage in Atlanta. (404) 733-5000. AT THE HIGH MUSEUM OF ART in Atlanta: “The Undiscovered Richard Meier: The Architect as Designer and Artist” through April 4; “Glories of Ancient Egypt,” through Sept. 19; and “African Gold From the Glassell Collection,” through Sept. 19. There will also be an African Film Showcase Fridays at 8 p.m. throughout March. Call (404) 733-HIGH or visit www.high.org for information. “LEAP” makes its world premiere through April 11 on the Hertz Stage in Atlanta. Call (404) 733-5000 for ticket info. “A MIDSUMMER NIGHT’S DREAM,” presented by the New American Shakespeare Tavern in Atlanta, will run through April 4. For more information, call (404) 874-5299. SAVANNAH GARDEN EXPOSITION takes place in Savannah at the Historic 1845 Roundhouse Railroad Museum on April 2 and 3, 10 a.m.-5 p.m. For more information, call (912) 236-4795 or visit www.savannahgardenexpo.com. BILTMORE ESTATE is hosting several events open to the public this spring, including the Festival of Flowers April 3-May 2, and the Grand Opening of the Historic Horse Barn on April 2. Many events to follow. For more information or a complete schedule, call (828) 225-6776 or visit www.biltmore.com. CHUCK MANGIONE, best-selling jazz trumpeter, performs at the Newberry Opera House in Newberry, SC, on April 2, at 3 and 8 p.m. For more information call (803) 276-5179. “PLAZA SUITE,” a play by Neil Simon, will be at the Abbeville Opera House in Abbeville, SC, April 2-24. For more information, call (864) 366-2157. “BOLLYWOOD DREAMS” takes a look at India’s film

CULLUM LECTURE SERIES: “South Asia: On a Tryst With Destiny,” continues on April 1. Dr. Selima Sultana will lecture at 11:30 a.m. and 7 p.m. Visit www.aug.edu/library/cullum2004 or call Michael Bishku, 737-1709, or Jeff Heck, 667-4905.

LAST WEEK, METRO SPIRIT REPORTED THAT THE BALLET’S “AN EVENING UNDER A CAJUN MOON” SPRING GALA, WITH THE PRODUCTION “UNDER A CAJUN MOON” BY PETER POWLUS, WAS TO TAKE PLACE AT D. TIMM’S JAZZ CAFÉ IN DOWNTOWN AUGUSTA ON MARCH 24. IN REALITY, THE BALLET “UNDER A CAJUN MOON” AND THE SPRING GALA “AN EVENING UNDER A CAJUN MOON” ARE TWO SEPERATE EVENTS. THE BALLET WILL PREMIERE AT THE IMPERIAL THEATRE ON MARCH 26-27. FOR INFO, CALL (706) 261-0555. WE APOLOGIZE FOR ANY INCONVENIENCE. industry through Jonathan Torgovik’s recent book at the High Museum of Art April 6-May 30. For more information, call (404) 733-4437. ATLANTA DOGWOOD FESTIVAL, which takes place April 2-4, will feature an interactive kids area, the Disc Dog Southern Nationals, Community Corner, Midtown Tour of Homes, an artist market and musician showcase. For more information, call (404) 577-8686.

Benefits BARBECUE TO BENEFIT THE AUGUSTA THEATRE COMPANY 7 p.m. March 26 at the Augusta Theatre Company’s facility, 1436 Reynolds St. For more

AUGUSTA-RICHMOND COUNTY ANIMAL CONTROL is in need of dog and cat food, cat litter and other pet items, as well as monetary donations to help pay for vaccinations. Donations accepted during regular business hours, Tues.-Sun., 1-5 p.m. at the shelter, 4164 Mack Lane. Call 790-6836 for information. SHEPEARD COMMUNITY BLOOD CENTER BLOOD DRIVES

GED classes are offered by the Community Resource Center. Tuition is free. Call 722-4999 for more information. SERVICE CORPS OF RETIRED EXECUTIVES (SCORE) provides counseling and mentoring to business people either starting or continuing their business. Counseling is free and administered by retired executives. For more information, call 793-9998. INTRODUCTION TO E-MAIL: Learn how to set up a free e-mail account at the Friedman Branch Library on March 25 from 9-10:30 a.m. Space is limited; reservations are recommended. For more information or to make reservations, call 736-6548.

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AUGUSTA BALLET MERCEDES RAFFLE: The Augusta Ballet will raffle off a 2004 Mercedes CLK 320 Cabriolet during May’s First Friday celebration. Tickets are $100 each and may be purchased through the ballet office at 261-0555.

AIKEN TECH CONTINUING EDUCATION offers the following courses: computer technology courses, healthcare courses, contractor programs, real estate courses and more. Aiken Tech also offers Education to Go classes online. For more information or to register, call (803) 593-9231, ext. 1230.

se Cour lf

METRO SPIRIT - MARCH 25, 2004

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information, call 481-9040 or 826-9926.

AUGUSTA STATE UNIVERSITY CONTINUING EDUCATION is now offering the following classes: Traveling Alone, Beginning Golf, Anatomy and Physiology, Photography, Microsoft Excel, Science and Medicine History and more. Also, ASU offers online courses. For more information, call 737-1636 or visit www.ced.aug.edu.

APRIL 30th - MAY 2nd Register at Augusta Municipal Golf Course or at any area course. Call for details.

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7 0 6 - 7 3 1 - 9 3 4 4 • 2023 HIGHLAND AVENUE • AUGUSTA GA 30904

Greater Augusta Arts Council presents

Garden City

Music Festival

MUSIC: 12 Noon til 11pm

Saturday, MAY 8, 2004 at the Augusta Common WYCLIFFE GORDON • COL. BRUCE HAMPTON & THE CODETALKERS THE REGGAE COWBOYS • STEWART & WINFIELD • PH BALANCE DARK CORNER BLUEGRASS BAND • CADILLAC JONES PAT BLANCHARD BAND • WAYNE-C • SHAWN PIAZZA BAND REDBELLY • GOSPEL GROUP • PARK BENCH BLUES TRIO CHELSEA LOGUE • NOT GADDY'S DRUM CIRCLE

$10 ad vance / Childre n

$15 da

10 & u

y of fes tival ee

nder Fr

Food, D Craft V rink, Music, endo Arts NO PET rs and more & !! S OR C OOLER S!

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Fetch Dog Treats in Surry Center Metro Coffee House- Broad Street Serendipity - Washington Rd., Evans Pyramid Music- Broad St. & Kmart Shopping Ctr.

METRO SPIRIT - MARCH 25, 2004

Ticket Locations:

Health HEADACHE SUPPORT GROUP meets every third Thursday of the month from 6:30-7:30 p.m. at the Walton Rehabilitation Hospital outpatient classroom. Open to the public. Call 823-5252. ANGELS HAVE WHEELS: Medicare recipients suffering from conditions such as arthritis, cardiovascular disease and respiratory disorders who have difficulty walking or propelling a standard wheelchair may be eligible to receive an electric wheelchair. For information on eligibility, call Gregory at 1-800-8102877. WALTON REHABILITATION HOSPITAL offers a number of health programs, including Fibromyalgia Aquatics, Water Aerobics, Wheelchair and Equipment Clinics, Therapeutic Massage, Yoga, Acupuncture, Children’s Medical Services Clinic, Special Needs Safety Seat Loaner Program, Focus on Healing exercise class for breast cancer survivors and more. Call 823-5294 for information. DIET COUNSELING CLASSES for diabetics and those with high cholesterol at CSRA Partners in Health, 1220 Augusta West Parkway. Free. Call 860-3001 for class schedule. UNIVERSITY HEALTH CARE SYSTEM COMMUNITY EDUCATION holds workshops, seminars and classes on a variety of topics: weight and nutrition, women’s health, cancer, diabetes, seniors’ health and more. Support groups and health screenings are also offered. Call 736-0847 for details.

Seniors SENIOR VOLUNTEERS NEEDED for docent training program at Ware’s Folly. Call 722-5495. GEORGIA CARES PRESENTATION March 27, 10:15 a.m., at the Rosemont Multi-Purpose Building, 5463 Burke Mountain Rd., in Appling. Wallace White will speak on the Georgia Cares program, which matches those 60 and over with prescription payment assistance options and Medicare guidance. 832-0356. AARP TAX ASSISTANCE provided through April 13 at Friedman Branch Library on Thursdays, 9 a.m.-1 p.m.; Maxwell Branch Library Tuesdays and Fridays, 10 a.m.-2 p.m.; and at the Gibbs Memorial Library Tuesdays, 10 a.m.-2 p.m. Call the Friedman Branch at 736-6758, the Maxwell Branch at 793-2020 or the Gibbs Memorial Library at 863-1946 for more information. UNIVERSITY SENIORS CLUB has moved to a new location at 4106 Columbia Rd. University Seniors Club offers health screenings, support groups, health education classes and social activities. For more information, call 868-3231 or 1-800-413-6652. HOME-BASED CARE available for low- to midincome families seeking alternatives to nursing home placement. To participate, individuals must be aged 60 or up or must have disability status as defined by Social Security Administration guidelines. Applicants must also meet program income guidelines. For more information, contact the CSRA Area Agency on Aging at 210-2018 or 1-888-922-4464.

Kids

WALTON REHABILITATION HOSPITAL offers Arthritis Aquatics and People with Arthritis Can Exercise. Call 823-5294 for information.

UNIVERSITY OF GEORGIA PLANT SCIENCE SCHOLARS PROGRAM is open to high school students interested in plant sciences. Students will spend June 23-25 on the UGA campus exploring horticulture, plant pathology, crop and soil sciences and forestry. Cost is $30 and students are provided with dorm housing, meals and evening entertainment. Application deadline is April 1. Call Kisha Shelton at (706) 542-1426 or visit www.plant.uga.edu/labrat/gapsspage.htm for an application.

SENIOR VOLUNTEERS NEEDED for the new visitor center at Phinizy Swamp Nature Center to greet visitors, hand out literature and sell merchandise. Volunteers are asked to commit one Saturday or Sunday per month, 9 a.m.-1 p.m. or 1-5 p.m. Call 828-2109 for information.

DRIVE, CHIP AND PUTT JUNIOR CHALLENGE for youth ages 7-14 April 3, 1 p.m. Visit www.TheGolfChannel.com or call 364-4653 to register. SPECIAL STORYTIME with Heather Lopez from the Georgia Council for the Blind April 6, 10:30 a.m., at the Friedman Branch Library. Call 736-6758. CHILD SAFETY SEAT INSPECTIONS by SAFE KIDS of East Central Georgia and the MCG Children’s Medical Center on the first Wed. and Fri. of each month, by appointment only. To make an appointment or for more information, call 651-9300 (Wed. appointments) or 721-KIDS (Fri. appointments). SAFE KIDS also sponsors car seat installation education workshops; the next is March 15, 9-11 a.m., at the MCG Children’s Medical Center. Call 721-KIDS. AIKEN COUNTY PONY CLUB meets weekly. Open to children of all ages who participate or are interested in equestrian sports. For more information, contact Lisa Smith at (803) 649-3399. GIRLS INCORPORATED OF THE CSRA AFTERSCHOOL PROGRAM runs through May 21. Open to girls currently enrolled in kindergarten through high school. In addition to offering specialized programs, Girls Incorporated offers van pick-up at select schools, neighborhood drop-off, homework room and a hot evening meal. For information, call 733-2512. WEEKLY STORY SESSIONS at all branch libraries. Visit www.ecgrl.public.lib.ga.us for more information.

METRO SPIRIT - MARCH 25, 2004

FIRST SATURDAY STORYTELLING at the Lucy Craft Laney Museum. In addition, there is a tour of the museum. Held 10 a.m.-noon the first Saturday of the month. Call 724-3576. STORYTIME IN THE GARDENS will take place Tuesdays at 4 p.m. in March and May in Hopeland Gardens. For more information, call (803) 6427631.

WEE WISDOM, an educational program for children under 5, presents “Ready to Learn” on March 25. All lectures are from noon-1 p.m. in the Resource Library on the first floor of the Children’s Medical Center. For more information or to register, call 721-5437.

AIKEN PARKS AND RECREATION offers a multitude of programs for senior adults, including bridge clubs, fitness classes, canasta clubs, line dancing, racquetball, arts and crafts, tennis and excursions. For more information, call (803) 642-7631. THE ACADEMY FOR LIFELONG LEARNING offers lectures, courses, field trips, discussion groups and community information seminars on a variety of topics to mature adults. For more information, contact the USC-Aiken Office of Continuing Education at (803) 641-3288. THE SENIOR CITIZENS COUNCIL OF GREATER AUGUSTA AND THE CSRA offers a variety of classes, including ballroom dance, aerobics, quilting, tai chi, Spanish, line dancing, bowling, bridge, computers, drama club/readers theatre and pinochle. For dates and times, phone 826-4480. SENIORNET provides adults age 50 and over education for and access to computer technology. Many different courses are offered. Contact the USC-Aiken Continuing Education Office at (803) 641-3563.

Sports THE AUGUSTA LYNX plays at home on April 1. For tickets, call 724-4423 or visit www.augustalynx.com. FAMILY Y RECREATIONAL GYMNASTICS session held through May 14. Classes available for toddlers through teens. Call 738-6678. THE AUGUSTA VOLLEYBALL ASSOCIATION is looking for new members. For more information, visit www.augustavolleyball.com. THE AUGUSTA RUGBY CLUB is always looking for new members. Teams available for women and men; no experience necessary. Practice is Tuesday and Thursday nights, 7-9 p.m. at Richmond Academy. For more information, call Don Zuehlke, 495-2043, or email augustarfc@yahoo.com. You may also visit www.augustarugby.org.

VOLLEYBALL CLASSES FOR KIDS take place on Mondays through April 19 from 6-7:30 p.m. at the H.O. Weeks Center in Aiken. Call (803) 642-7631 for more information.

able to lift 25 pounds, can commit to at least 3-4 hours per month and would like to help fight hunger in the Augusta area, contact Laurie Roper at 736-1199, ext. 208.

THE U.S. TENNIS ASSOCIATION hosts the USTA Professional Women’s Challenger Tournament at Rae’s Creek March 29-April 4. Free admission. Call 738-4122 or 722-8326 for information.

AUGUSTA-RICHMOND COUNTY ANIMAL CONTROL: New volunteer orientation is scheduled the first Saturday of each month at 1 p.m. at the shelter, 4164 Mack Lane. Schedule subject to change; call 790-6836 to verify dates and times.

Volunteer PORTSBRIDGE HOSPICE is looking for volunteers to lend a few hours a month to help hospice patients and families in the CSRA. For more information, contact Shannon Hammond at 860-7374. THE CSRA AREA AGENCY ON AGING is looking for volunteers to help with the Georgia Cares staff and to serve a two-year term on its advisory council. Georgia Cares volunteers serve as hotline counselors, on-site event educators, Web researchers, outreach helpers and office aides in helping CSRA residents understand the essentials of Medicare reform. For info, call the Georgia Cares office at 210-2029. Advisory council members provide input on service plans and function as grassroots organizers for Area Agency on Aging programs. To apply, contact Jeanette Cummings at 210-2013. For more information on either opportunity, call 1-888-922-4464. WORLDWIDE INTERNATIONAL STUDENT EXCHANGE is currently recruiting host families in the CSRA for the 2004-2005 school year. 1-800-601-9802. FORTE INTERNATIONAL EXCHANGE ASSOCIATION is in need of local host families for high school international exchange students for the 2004-2005 school year. For more information, contact Tracy Klemens, (678) 358-5890. AUGUSTA/CSRA HABITAT FOR HUMANITY needs volunteers at ReStore, Walton Way and Tenth Street, to assist with receiving donations of new and used building and home improvement materials and warehousing them for sale to the public. The store is open ThursdaySaturday year-round. If you can commit eight or more hours per month, contact Steve Buck, 364-7637. MENTORS AND VOLUNTEERS needed to provide support for MACH Academy at the May Park Community Center and the Fleming Tennis Center. Education, tutoring and technology sessions held Monday-Thursday, 3-6 p.m. at each location. Tennis instruction and fitness activities held MondayThursday, 6-7 p.m. at May Park and MondayTuesday, 6-8 p.m., Friday, 6-8 p.m. and Saturday, 25 p.m. at the Fleming Center. 796-5046. FOSTER PARENTS NEEDED for children and teenagers in Richmond County. For information, contact Luera Lewis, 721-3718. PHINIZY SWAMP NATURE PARK VISITOR CENTER is in need of volunteers to greet visitors, hand out literature and sell merchandise. Volunteers must commit to one Saturday or Sunday each month, from either 9 a.m.-1 p.m. or 1-5 p.m. 828-2109. UNITED HOSPICE OF AUGUSTA is in need of volunteers to support terminally ill patients. Scheduling and training times are flexible. Call Donna Harrell at 650-1522 for information. SOUTHERNCARE HOSPICE SERVICE is currently seeking volunteers to perform a variety of tasks, including relieving caregivers, reading to patients and running errands. Training is included. For additional information, contact Lisa Simpson, (803) 463-9888 or 869-0205. COURT APPOINTED SPECIAL ADVOCATE PROGRAM VOLUNTEER TRAINING: The CASA program is looking for volunteers 21 years of age and older to advocate for abused and neglected children in the juvenile court system. Volunteers need no experience and will be provided with specialized training. Call 737-4631. CSRA HUMANE SOCIETY NEW VOLUNTEER ORIENTATION PROGRAM the third Saturday of every month at the Pet Center, 425 Wood St. Orientation starts at 11 a.m. Volunteers under 18 years of age must have a parent or guardian present during orientation and while volunteering. Call 261-PETS for information.

VOLLEYBALL OPEN GYM will be held Wednesday nights in March and April in the H.O. Weeks Center from 7-9:15 p.m. For more information, call (803) 6427631.

THE KITTY ORTIZ DE LEON FOUNDATION needs volunteers to help promote organ donor awareness. For more information, contact Cassandra Reed or Espy De Leon at 394-0838 or kodfoundation@aol.com.

AUGUSTA FLYERS TRACK CLUB invites area youth ages 7-18 to join the team. Registration is through May 15. For more information, contact George Taylor at 738-3737.

GOLDEN HARVEST FOOD BANK needs volunteers during the day, from 8:30 a.m.-4 p.m. Monday-Friday, to help sort donated products and assist in their agency shopping area. Help is needed year-round. If you are

SHEPEARD COMMUNITY BLOOD CENTER is seeking donors to prevent a blood supply shortage. To donate call 737-4551, 854-1880 or (803) 6437996.

Meetings AUGUSTA AREA SURVIVORS OF SUICIDE meets March 28, 3 p.m., at Advent Lutheran Church on Washington Road. Call 863-6785 for information. METRO AUGUSTA FRISBEE DOG CLUB meets on the last Sunday of each month. Locations to be determined. For more information, call 210-8577. CSRA LINUX USERS GROUP meets every fourth Tuesday at 6 p.m. at Borders. For more information, call 790-8439. CANOE AND KAYAK CLUB OF AUGUSTA meets every fourth Tuesday at 7 p.m. at the Warren Road Community Center. For more information, call 8605432. AUGUSTA NEWCOMERS CLUB holds their monthly coffee for prospective members on the first Tuesday of the month. For more information, contact Ruth Pearl at 650-1400. AUGUSTA SKI AND OUTING CLUB meets the first Tuesday of each month in the Alamo Room of Lone Star Steakhouse. Meetings are at 7 p.m. For more information, call (803) 279-6186. AUGUSTA CAVEMASTERS meet on the first Thursday of each month at the Warren Road Community Center at 7 p.m. For more information, contact Bill Gordon at (803) 278-2751. CSRA VW CLUB meets on the First Friday of each month at 6th and Reynolds, behind the train depot. For more information, visit www.csravwclub.org. New Beetles welcomed.

Weekly OVEREATERS ANONYMOUS meets every Sunday night, 7:30 p.m., at Holy Trinity Lutheran Church in North Augusta. For more information, call 278-5156. NAR-ANON FAMILY GROUP for relatives and friends of drug abusers. No dues or fees. The group meets Mondays at 7 p.m. Call for location. For information, contact Josie, 414-5576, or Lionel, 860-0302. GAMBLERS ANONYMOUS meets Thursdays, 7:30 p.m., in the basement of Fairview Presbyterian Church. 1-800-313-0170. ALCOHOLICS ANONYMOUS: For more information and a meeting schedule, call 860-8331. NARCOTICS ANONYMOUS: If you want to stop using any drugs, there is a way out. Help is available at no cost. Call the Narcotics Anonymous help line for information and meeting schedules at 8552419. SEXAHOLICS ANONYMOUS, a 12-step program of recovery from addiction to obsessive/compulsive sexual thoughts and behaviors, meets Wednesdays at 8 p.m. at Christ Church Unity, 2301 Central Ave. Call 339-1204 and leave first name and phone number; a confidential reply is assured. AUGUSTA TOASTMASTERS CLUB #326 meets each Thursday at 7:30 p.m. at Advent Lutheran Church in Martinez. Learn communication and leadership skills. For more information, call 868-8431. GUIDELINES: Public service announcements are listed in this section without charge at the discretion of the editor. Announcements must be received by Monday at noon and will be included as space permits. Send to Events, Metro Spirit, P.O. Box 3809, Augusta, GA 30914 or fax (706) 733-6663. You may also e-mail listings to rhonda.jones@metrospirit.com or lisa.jordan@metrospirit.com. Listings cannot be taken over the phone.

Bomb Epic

Hollywood

Flix Must-See

Boring

Comedy Sleeper Oscar Pick Director Stars This Rocks Famous Silly

Awesome

Action

Agent Cody Banks 2: Destination London (PG) — Frankie

Muniz, who is 18, playing 16 and at moments looks ripe to be 40, is agent Banks, a CIA operative on a covert mission to Britain. Kevin Allen directed like a giddy tourist, and the menu of Saturday daytime entertainment is served a bit more sharply than by the last "Spy Kids" romp. Cast: Frankie Muniz, Anthony Anderson, Hannah Spearritt, Cynthia Stevenson, Keith David. Running time: 1 hr. 24 mins. (Elliott) !!

Barbershop 2: Back in Business (PG-13) — Ice Cube runs the

roots-deep Calvin Jr.'s Barbershop on Chicago's South Side. Again, more talk rises than hair falls, though the scissors team from the 2002 hit have a new worry, a slick rival across

L he “T

Touchstone Pictures

killers” ady

Cheaper by the Dozen (PG) — To

make an old (1950) Clifton Webb comedy without Clifton Webb is a serious loss, but getting Steve Martin — a

RATINGS !!!! — Excellent

vanillashaked version of Webb's snappish fussiness — is not a bad idea for "Cheaper By the Dozen." He's engaging as Tom Baker, football coach and father of 12 kids. Bonnie Hunt plays the wife and mom, Kate, looking awfully good despite the wear. The Bakers have a great life in a small town where Tom coaches, but he's hired to go to a bigger team outside Chicago, and the only story is the stress on the family from their move. The film is simple and obvious and plastic, but diverting. Designed to be fluff, it's fluffy all the time. Cast: Steve Martin, Bonnie Hunt, Piper Perabo, Hilary Duff, Richard Jenkins. Running time: 1 hr., 34 mins. (Elliott) !!

Confessions of a Teenage Drama Queen (PG) — Another Disney

dinky, turning the dreams of girls into piffle. Lindsay Lohan pitches her pretty charm like mad as "drama queen" Lola, who leaves New York for New Jersey (looks like a section of Burbank), wins a worshipful friend, dazzles a boy, squelches a snarky rival, stars in a "rock" version of Pygmalion full of "American Idol" razzle. Wasted rather depressingly are Carol Kane, Glenne Headly and other talents, treated as confetti at Lohan's feet. 1 hr., 34 mins. (Elliott) ! Dawn of the Dead (R) — Thanks to a plague, the United States is taken over by zombies. It pretty much follows the rules found in the Zombie Codebook: If killed by a zombie, one must return as one. Once turned into a zombie, one must seek fresh blood. One must also go to the mall. (To the mall?) The good guys, for some reason, think that the mall is a pretty neat place to be too. Needless to say, forces collide, with the good guys deciding to make a run for it to a (supposedly) safe island. But first, they have to get through a sea of the undead. Based upon the 1979 movie “Dawn of the Dead.” Cast: Sarah Polley, Ving Rhames, Mekhi Phifer, Michael Barry, Linday Booth, Ty Burrell, Jayne Eastwood, Michael Kellym, Jake Weber, Kevin

!!!— Worthy

!! — Mixed

! — Poor

Zegers, Tom Savini.

Dirty Dancing: Havana Nights (PG13) — The first "Dirty Dancing" was engaging kitsch, a spritzy sensation of 1987. Now, we get Britain's Romola Garai as Katey, whose American businessman father moves the family to Havana in late 1958. Katey looks right through the snob Yank who woos her, and settles her virginal eyes on hotel busboy Javier (Diego Luna). He is into hot dancing, which means variants of body rubbing under a lava flow of Cuban music. When Garai delivered some simpy lines in a love scene, cackling broke out at the press preview. Those laughs should be aimed at director Guy Ferland and the script. Cast: Romola Garai, Diego Luna, Patrick Swayze, Sela Ward, Mika Boorem. Running time: 1 hr., 36 mins. (Elliott) !!

Eternal Sunshine of the Spotless Mind (R) — Jim Carrey plays a

fumbling shlub named Joel. He winds up shuffling along a snowy beach in Montauk, at the tip of Long Island. Joining him is Clementine (Kate Winslet), a mouthy, blue-haired pest. She and Joel wind up hanging out, slouching into a relationship that feels doomed almost as soon as it starts. Joel discovers, as their life together is imploding, that the fed-up Clementine has had him erased from her memory via a medical procedure. Furious, Joel goes to the clinic to get his own recollections scrubbed. Things quickly go haywire, as Joel realizes Elijah Wood's character has something devious in mind and tries to escape the erasure, enlisting Clementine in the fight. Cast: Jim Carrey, Kate Winslet, Kirsten Dunst, Elijah Wood, Mark Ruffalo, Tom Wilkinson. Running time: 1 hr., 48 mins. (Hebert) !!!1/2 50 First Dates (PG-13) — Henry (Adam Sandler) is a vet at an aquarium in Hawaii and a serial seducer of island visitors, his policy being love 'em and let 'em leave. True love, of course, lies in wait. At a picturesque diner, he sees Lucy (Drew Barrymore), and it's love at first sight. They hit it off wonderfully, but when they meet at the diner the next morning, she has no idea who he is. Henry

0— Not worthy

METRO SPIRIT - MARCH 25, 2004

the way. The best laughs come from Cedric the Entertainer as Eddie, with a broad beam and a do to match. Eddie isn't quite so rife with the riffs that won the first movie a little notoriety, but gets into a fine lip-off with the big beautician from down the street (Queen Latifah, offering an appetizer of her upcoming "Beauty Shop"). As long as it is simply being a barbershop, the gab has a razor-cut charm. Running time: 1 hr., 40 mins. (Elliott) !!1/2 stars. Brother Bear (G) — Latest Disney animated offering about a young man, Kenai, who is transformed by The Great Spirits into a bear. On a quest to gain back his human form, Kenai befriends a bear cub, Koda, and evades his human brother, who, not realizing Kenai has been turned into a bear, is on Kenai’s trail on a revenge mission.Cast: Jeremy Suarez, Joaquin Phoenix, Rick Moranis, Dave Thomas. The Butterfly Effect (R) — As Evan Treborn, Ashton Kutcher is a floppy fishie with a hook in his mouth, and that hook is the script. Seems that Evan's dad is a deranged psycho with a "most unusual" brain disorder who, during the boy's visit to the ward, tries to throttle and kill him. As Evan grows up, there are other lurid milestones. Evan has a breakthrough: Reading his old diaries, the pages quiver and this lets him mentally travel back to a past he can now change. In the middle, gulping like a caught bass, is Kutcher, aching with sincerity and technique you could call inadequate except that no technique would be adequate. The poor guy is caught, stuffed and mounted. Cast: Ashton Kutcher, Amy Smart, Elden Henson, Kevin Schmidt, Eric Stoltz, William Lee Scott. Running time: 1 hr., 53 mins. (Elliott) ! Calendar Girls (PG-13) — The story begins in tragedy: Annie's (Julie Walters) wise, gentle husband John (John Alderton) contracts, then dies of, leukemia. Wanting to do something, she determines to provide a decent sofa for the visitors to the hospital's sick and dying patients. What better way than through the Women's Institute's annual calendar? A problem: How to boost sales? She and her naughty-girl girlfriend Chris (Helen Mirren) come up with a most improbable scheme, and enlist enough of their fellow 40- and 50-something W.I. members to make it happen. Mirren and Walters simply don't have enough story to work with; they seem almost to be flailing in their attempt to gin up some drama from the flaccid script. Cast: Helen Mirren, Julie Walters, John Alderton, Linda Bassett, Penelope Wilton. Running time: 1 hr., 48 mins. (Salm) !!

Wa rne rB roth ers

Ryan is playing an actual woman, Jackie Kallen, one of the few female fight managers to have success. Ryan goes for an urban cement voice, cynical repartee, the gal-among-guys spark and bark, and she isn't bad at it. Kallen's interesting story has been pulped, if not pulverized, as a Rocky rouser. She gets a hungry rising fighter, Luther (Omar Epps), offending the ruthless thug (Tony Shalhoub, virtually on steroids) who runs the fistic racket in and around Cleveland. She gets Luther to Go For It and Rise Up Angry and Never Quit — Never! The big fight works up some steam, but by then the movie has gone to the flyweight division of disposable entertainments. Cast: Meg Ryan, Omar Epps, Charles Dutton, Tony Shalhoub, Tim Daly. Running time: 1 hr., 40 mins. (Elliott) !!

Against the Ropes (PG-13) — Meg

Funny

Not Bad

o 2” o D

Drama

Masterpiece

“S c oo

Lame

Scooby Doo 2: Monsters Unleashed (PG) — Scooby and the gang are

back for another adventure. This time, they’re on the trail of an anonymous masked villain who’s wreaking havoc on Coolsville with a machine that spits out monsters. All signs point to Old Man Wickles... Cast: Freddie Prinze Jr., Sarah Michelle Gellar, Linda Cardellini, Peter Boyle, Alicia Silverstone, Seth Green, Matthew Lillard. Secret Window (R) — Writer Mort Rainey (Johnny Depp), traumatized by divorce from Amy (Maria Bello), who's taken up with her plot device of a lover (Timothy Hutton), is ready to become jellied putty for a grim rustic who trails Southern Gothic literary vines. John Shooter (John Turturro) shows up claiming that Rainey plagiarized a story of his, ruined the ending and deserves cruel payment. How, really, do you go wrong with actors like Turturro, Depp, Bello,

Please Help Us Find Our

MISSING DOGS

METRO SPIRIT - MARCH 25, 2004

Chi Chi - Pug & Precious - Maltese

-REWARDCALL 830-6554

Hutton and (as a private eye) Charles S. Dutton? By using them as spits for King's brand of corn, roasted and then shoved down the gullets of the gullible. Cast: Johnny Depp, Maria Bello, John Turturro, Len Cariou, Timothy Hutton, Charles S. Dutton. (Elliott) !!

Something’s Gotta Give (PG13) — Jack Nicholson plays with his cruising wolf image

and his age (66), sporting with them as compulsive single Harry Langer. Harry's latest find for a fling is svelte Marin (Amanda Peet), an auctioneer who treats him like a lusty antique. They go to her divorced parents' beach house. But when he meets mother Erica (Keaton), a playwright, the awkward moments quiver. Harry has a sudden heart crisis. He ends up stuck for a night with Erica. What happens is silly, knowing, witty, touching and abetted deftly by a terrific score. When someone says of Erica's new play, "It's sweet, it's smart, it's funny," that serves as a review of the movie. Critics should be pleased to echo it. Cast: Jack Nicholson, Diane Keaton, Keanu Reeves, Frances McDormand, Amanda Peet. Running time: 1 hr., 47 mins. (Elliott) !!!! Starsky & Hutch (PG-13) — Viewing "Starsky & Hutch" is embarrassing, like watching Hollywood eat a cadaver in order to stay alive. It uses Ben Stiller as cop Dave Starsky and Owen Wilson as cop Ken Hutchinson, a nervous straight-arrow and a blithe screwaround shoved together by barking Capt. Doby (Fred Williamson). At first hating each other, they bond as dude partners. There are drugs and cash and cars and whores (or "hostesses"), all filmed in the bleached yet florid visual cliches of bad '70s TV and films. The soundtrack digs retro vibes right into the grave. S&H underline and undermine every plot turn with a vaguely nostalgic, inanely satirical emphasis. Movies don't have to be like this. Hollywood, please listen: There is no reason on the planet for movies this bad. Cast: Ben Stiller, Owen Wilson, Vince Vaughn, Juliette Lewis, Snoop Dogg, Fred Williamson, Chris Penn. Running time: 1 hr., 36 mins. 0 Taking Lives (R) — As Illeana, FBI detective and specialist in serial killers, Angelina Jolie is eager to help with a nasty case in Montreal. The Canadian cops are nearly helpless. It's up to the bold American nut-chaser to corner the killer, a chopper and smasher so serial he murders men in advancing periods of age and steals their identities for a while. The story stupifies itself with a brutal fight, then a car chase and explosion; Ethan Hawke being sewn up with stitches, shown in close-up; hot sex (lots of Jolie). Director D.J. Caruso, whose "The Salton Sea" was a sometimes fascinating mess, is a clunkalong with plot thrills. Cast: Angelina Jolie, Ethan Hawke, Kiefer Sutherland, Olivier Martinez, Tcheky Karyo, Gena Rowlands. Running time: 1 hr., 40 mins. (Elliott) !

The Texas Chainsaw Massacre (R) — It’s a remake of

leader. Now, Ford must outrun the drug dealer, a biker gang and the FBI. Cast: Martin Henderson, Monet Mazur, Ice Cube, Jay Hernandez, Matt Schulze. Twisted (R) — Ashley Judd plays tough San Francisco cop Jessica Shepard, recently promoted to homicide detective. Jessica picks up big, horny men in bars, then has fast, rough sex that has an aura of foreplay for murder. Sure enough, a series of her studs turn up dead. And Jessica, who is prone to drinking red wine in quantity, yanking her trigger temper and then "hearing voices," becomes a key suspect in her first murder case. Just as the male victims seem to have "disposable" stenciled on their foreheads, to go with the cigarette burns on their hands, so does the film appear to carry the label Video Bin: Recycle Fast. Cast: Ashley Judd, Samuel L. Jackson, Andy Garcia, David Strathairn, Russell Wong. Running time: 1 hr., 37 mins. (Elliott) !! Walking Tall (PG-13) — Chris Vaughn, a retired soldier, returns to his hometown only to find that his high school rival has shut down the town’s economic center, a once-prosperous lumber mill. The town is now overrun with crime and drugs, and Vaughn runs for sheriff with a vow to restore his hometown to its former glory — despite the threat it poses to himself and his family. Cast: The Rock, Johnny Knoxville, Neal McDonough, Kristen Wilson, Ashley Scott.

Win a Date With Tad Hamilton (PG-13) — When a teenage girl wins a contest in

which the grand prize is a chance to date Hollywood’s most eligible bachelor, she finds herself in a love triangle with him and her best friend. You Got Served (PG-13) — Elgin and David are best friends who are serious about their hobby: urban street dancing. When another town’s top group challenges them to a dancing competition, the boys must create new, cutting-edge moves to stay in the game. Cast: Marques Houston, Omari Grandberry, Jennifer Freeman, Jarrell Houston, Dreux Frederic. —Capsules compiled from movie reviews written by David Elliott, film critic for The San Diego Union-Tribune and other staff writers.

the original film and based loosely on true events that inspired that film and “The Silence of the Lambs.” A group of friends becomes isolated in the midst of a clan of cannibals. Cast: Jessica Biel, Jonathan Tucker, Eric Balfour, Erica Leerhsen.

Mirimax Films

that they’ve underestimated their host and may have to kill her to pull off their heist. Cast: Tom Hanks, Irma P. Hall, Marlon Wayans, J.K. Simmons, Tzi Ma, Ryan Hurst. The Last Samurai (R) — Tom Cruise stars as Nathan Algren, a heroic Civil War veteran and then embittered cavalry man, reduced to heavy drinking and shilling for a gun company. Algren goes to Japan, paid to train the new imperial army in modern ways and weapons. But he finds himself drawn to the insurgent cause and almost idyllic life in the hills of samurai leader Katsumoto (Watanabe), who fights for the old ways and hopes to win over the adolescent emperor from greedy modernists. Having come to teach, Algren stays to learn. He is captured after impressing Katsumoto with his fighting spirit; the "barbarian" has a tiger within. "The Last Samurai" bides its time, has a predictable plot, but gives pleasure of a sustained kind. Cast: Tom Cruise, Ken Watanabe, Tony Goldwyn, Timothy Spall, Koyuki. Running time: 2 hrs., 24 mins. (Elliott) !!! The Missing (R) — Cate Blanchett is again superb, as a flinty frontier mom who rides hard across 1870s New Mexico, chasing a mostly Apache band that took her daughter, slowly making up with her long absent and "gone Injun" father (Tommy Lee Jones). Ron Howard directed with a true eye for detail and landscape, Eric Schweig is an alarmingly vicious sorcerer, the brutality is frequent and not for tender viewers. Running time: 2 hrs., 10 mins. (Elliott) !!! Never Die Alone (R) — DMX plays King David, a criminal who has returned to his hometown in search of redemption. Meeting a violent end, he spends the last few minutes of his life with an aspiring journalist who happened to cross his path. King David lets the journalist in on a secret: He’s been making a videotaped memoir, which turns out to be a sermon on violence and its consequences. Cast: DMX, David Arquette, Michael Ealy, Reagan Preston-Gomez. The Passion of the Christ (R) — Mel Gibson's risky, passionate treatment of Christ's last 12 hours, long on fear and gore and agony, devils (even Satan), sadistic and/or guilty Romans, hatefully smug Jewish priests and, above all, the tormented face of Jim Caviezel as Jesus. Gibson uses heavy, hackneyed devices and naive tactics; he thinks a few brief flashbacks to benign gospel episodes can offset and illuminate the relentless flood of anguish and bloodshed, and he comes close to making this a rite of faithbased sadism. It is up to believers to decide if Gibson's Jesus is their own, but since no actor can truly act the Son of God spiritually, Caviezel becomes a sacrificial offering. (Elliott). Rated R; 2 hrs. 7 mins. !! The Prince and Me (PG) — Paige, a pre-med student, meets fellow student Eddie and falls in love. The problem? Eddie is really Edward, Crown Prince of Denmark, who has escaped to Wisonsin for a breather from his royal duties. When Paige finds out, she must choose to become a princess or the doctor she’s always aspired to be. Cast: Julia Stiles, Ben Miller, James Fox, Miranda Richardson, Joanne Baron, Luke Mably. Scary Movie 3 (PG-13) — The third film in the “Scary Movie” series once again spoofs a series of recent horror hits, fantasy epic films and other pop culture sensations, including “8 Mile,” “The Matrix,” “The Ring,” “The Others” and “Signs.” Cast: David Zucker, Anna Faris, Charlie Sheen, Regina Hall, Denise Richards.

ir l ” G y e s r e “J

learns that Lucy, following an accident the year before, has that favorite Hollywood malady, amnesia. The romantic aspects benefit from being contrasted to the comedy, which is oafish in the extreme. Oh, well — you can always look at the beautiful island scenery. Cast: Adam Sandler, Drew Barrymore. (Britton) !! The Haunted Mansion (PG) — Another movie based on a ride at Disneyland, again featuring cheesy, story-altering references to the rides, as well as plots about ghosts and curses. Eddie Murphy is a workaholic real estate agent and a smooth-talking sleazebag. A promising real-estate deal turns out to be more than he bargains for, and his eagerness to scope out a house on the way to a family vacation leaves his entire family stranded at a creepy, cobweb-ridden Louisiana mansion with a curse. The result is a movie that, while consistently amusing, plays like a hackneyed effort to stretch a few minutes of ride into a coherent, hour-and-a-half story. Running time: 1 hr., 39 mins. (Fu) !! Hidalgo (PG-13) — Viggo Mortensen plays Frank Hopkins, who was an actual man and won a lot of long endurance races on a lot of horses. Mortensen's Hopkins has seen something (the Wounded Knee massacre in 1890) that drops him into drink and depression. He drifts into showbiz, working for Buffalo Bill Cody, which sours him further because he's part Indian and knows the show is a brazen travesty of the expiring Old West. But he has Hidalgo, the mustang. The look in his equine eye always says "I'm a star, buster," and in his tough American way he's ready for the challenge: the epic "Ocean of Fire" race across the Arabian desert, up through Iraq and to the sea. Nobody should become too sophisticated for this sort of entertainment, which delivers great-looking people and animals and action to stir your most youthful blood. Cast: Viggo Mortensen, Omar Sharif, Louise Lombard, Zuleika Robinson, Silas Carson. Running time: 2 hrs. (Elliott) !!! Honey (PG-13) — Like having the fluids drained out of your system and replaced by a sugar-loaded, mixed-drink concoction of a color not found in nature. Honey Daniels (Jessica Alba) bartends, dances and teaches hip-hop dance at a youth center. Discovered, she makes a fast splash as a music-video dancer and choreographer. There are jolts of energy from occasional moments of hiphop frenzy, but the editing is so rapid-fire that what appears on the screen looks more like a video game than dance. Will Honey remember her old pals in the 'hood? Why, yes. First "Radio," now this; uplift has never seemed so enervating. Running time: 1 hr., 28 mins. (Salm) !1/2 House of Sand and Fog (R) — As Col. Massoud Amir Behrani, refugee from the shah's regime in Iran, Ben Kingsley is dominant as this iron-spined but desperate man. Behrani has brought his wife and two children to the Bay Area, and he works hard, dirty jobs to replenish the nest egg after his daughter's lavish wedding. He buys cheaply a beach home from which the owner, Kathy (Jennifer Connelly), was suddenly evicted. Divorced and aimless, a recovered alcoholic, she lost the house in a tax foreclosure, but now finds the grit to want her family's old nest back. The movie has a touchingly lived-in force of experience. In a way, it's all about the most sacred theme of California life: real estate. You can be killed by the fine print, and personal hell can be worse than escrow. Cast: Ben Kingsley, Jennifer Connelly, Ron Eldard, Shohreh Aghdashloo, Frances Fisher, Jonny Ahdout. Running time: 1 hr., 50 mins. (Elliott) !!! Jersey Girl (PG-13) — Ben Affleck stars as Ollie, a high-profile Manhattan publicist who’s living the lifestyle: great job, new wife, kid on the way. But when he finds himself, unexpectedly, a single father, Ollie moves back to his New Jersey hometown to live with his father. Cast: Ben Affleck, Liv Tyler, George Carlin, Raquel Castro, Jennifer Lopez, Jason Biggs. The Ladykillers (R) — “The Ladykillers” is a retelling of the 1955 comedy of the same name, this time with Ton Hanks as a rogue professor who has assembled a group to pull off the heist of the century. They take up with a little old lady under the guise that they need somplace to practice their church music — until they discover

Torque (PG-13)

— Biker Cary Ford returns to the hometown he left after taking several motorcycles belonging to a notorious drug dealer. The dealer is looking for his bikes, which contain a hidden stash in their gas tanks. When Ford refuses to give up the bikes, the dealer frames him for the murder of a rival gang

A Special Gift is Waiting for You! April 8-18 Visit our store and receive a FREE LIMITED EDITION VERA BRADLEY UMBRELLA ($25 value) with your Vera Bradley purchase of $75 or more*. *while supplies last

Last Seen Near Morningside & Broad St Exit on March 7th Picked up by female in red car.

Surrey Center • 738-8386 www.sweetbrierfair.com

flix

“Never Die Alone” Filled With Cliches and Stereotypes

By Rachel Deahl

irector Ernest Dickerson has been making bad urban dramas for over a decade now. The best entry in his underwhelming filmography is Dickerson’s first directorial effort, “Juice” (1992). That “Juice,” a predictable tale about a liquor store hold-up concocted by three best friends that goes devastatingly awry, marks the pinnacle of Dickerson’s career is a rather indicative statement about his newest film, “Never Die Alone.” A pastiche of gangster cliches and black urban stereotypes, this rote tale of the rise and fall of a megalomaniacal Los Angeles kingpin is, at its best, unnecessary and, at its worst, offensive. Billed as an urban noir and based on the Donald Goines novel of the same name, DMX stars as a fallen druglord known on the streets as King David. When a white journalist (David Arquette), who enjoys hanging out at his mostly-black, seedy neighborhood dive bar, witnesses a shooting, he drives the dying victim to the hospital. The victim winds up being King David, recently released from prison. Arquette’s scribe surprisingly inherits all of David’s earthly possessions — most notably a pimped out Ford and a series of audiotapes. The tapes prove to be David’s audio bibliography and, as the journalist listens, DMX narrates from the grave about his life of crime. Less noir than overwrought gangster epic, “Never Die Alone” proves to be another melodramatic, poorly crafted attempt at reinventing (or is it repeating?) Brian De Palma’s “Scarface.” Dickerson seems most

occupied with chronicling the misogynistic, hedonistic and sadistic ways of his antihero. David, whose trademark move is to swap his girlfriends’ coke for crack (thereby turning them into totally dependant pawns), runs his business with the unfortunate attitude that finally earns him a bullet in the back. (He gets his comeuppance when an illegitimate son, played by Michael Ealy, shoots him in the opening scene.) The moral? I suppose it’s that you should never leave your illegitimate children to grow up with a grudge after they watch you beat up and abandon their crack-addicted mother. Although newcomer Michael Ealy (who appears in the “Barbershop” movies as well) shows the charisma of a superstar, “Never Die Alone” is essentially a despicable film with despicable characters. Aside from Ealy’s revenge-seeking son, who mostly lurks in alleyways as he tries to hunt down the recently released King David, none of the characters in the film are interesting or sympathetic. If Dickerson was interested in crafting a gangster epic, he should have spent more time crafting interesting characters as opposed to predictable plot lines. There’s always room for another interesting gangster film or noir on screen, but, hopefully, everyone’s had their fill of black, urban dramas in which the women are all portrayed as gold-diggers or crack whores (or both), while the drug-dealing men go about abusing them and killing each other. In the end, Dickerson’s film is just bad. What’s most unfortunate is that it needlessly propagates more negative stereotypes in the process.

Calendar of Events

Relay for Life Friday & Saturday, May 14 & 15

Relay For Life is a fun-filled overnight event designed to celebrate survivorship and raise money for research and programs of your American Cancer Society. During the event, which will be held at the Family Y track, teams of people take turns walking or running laps. Each team tries to keep at least one team member on the track at all times. If you would like to walk or form a team please call the American Cancer Society at 731-9900.

Community Ed Cradle Club

Diabetes Support Group

*These classes will be held at:

Gastric Bypass Support Group

Join our Cradle Club today! Membership is FREE. Please PRE-REGISTER for ALL classes. Call 651-BABY (2229) or register online.

Tuesday, April 13, 6 pm Location: Doctors Hospital, Office Building III, Classrooms 4 & 5. An educational seminar offered for the person with diabetes and his/her family members. Call 651-2468 for more information. Wednesday, April 21, 5:30 – 6:30 pm Location: Doctors Hospital, First Floor, Classrooms 1 & 2. This support group is open to patients who have had gastric bypass surgery or are considering it, and their families. There will also be a “Clothes Swap”. If you no longer need your larger clothes, please bring them to share. Please call Valerie Lively, RD if you have any questions at 651-6043.

Doctors Hospital Campus, 3623 J. Dewey Gray Circle Medical Office Building I, Cradle Club Classroom, Suite 110.

Prepared Childbirth Classes* 7 – 9:30 pm Mondays, April 26 – May 24 Tuesdays, March 30 – May 4

Labor & Delivery Tour

Thursday, April 1, 7 pm Tour begins at the hospital in Classrooms 1 & 2.

Growing Into Womanhood:

A time for confidence and decisions

Saturday, April 24, 10 am – 12 pm This course is for girls 13-16 and their mothers or a female relative. Sexuality, peer pressure, substance abuse and confident decision-making skills are taught and discussed. Please call 651-2450 to register.

March of Dimes WalkAmerica

Saturday, April 24, 9 am Location: Green Jackets Stadium Proceeds from WalkAmerica support the March of Dimes’ mission of preventing birth defects and infant mortality through research, education, community services and advocacy. Call 733-8438 to learn more.

Community Health Screenings

Wednesday, April 28, 7:30 – 10:30 am Location: Doctors Hospital, First Floor, Classrooms 1 & 2. Health screenings include free cholesterol, blood sugar and blood pressure testing. • The following tests will be offered for $15.00 each at every screening: Blood Type, Hemoglobin, A1C Lipid Profile, PSA, Liver Profile, TSH, CBC - Complete Blood Count (Hgb, HCT, WBC, etc.), Chem Basic-Na, K, Cl, CO2, Glucose, Bun, Creat, & Calcium.

Infant CPR

Thursday, April 15, 6:30 – 9 pm Classrooms 1 & 2 in the hospital.

Breastfeeding*

Thursday, April 22, 6 – 8:30 pm

Saturday Express Prepared Childbirth Class* Saturday, April 24, 9 am – 5 pm

Baby’s Brother & Sister* Sunday, May 2, 2 – 3:30 pm

Baby Care*

Sunday, May 2, 4 – 6:30 pm

Senior Friends

Free Morning Fitness Class** Every Monday, Wednesday and Friday, 8:45 – 9:30 am. For members only.

Orientation Coffee for New and Renewing Members** Tuesday, April 6, 10 am Open to all interested in joining Senior Friends. Please RSVP at 651-6716.

Intermediate Line Dance Class** Monday, April 12, 7 pm This is a new class.

Advanced Line Dance Class** Wednesday, April 14, 1 pm

Beginners Line Dance Class**

Wednesday, April 14, 2:45 pm Classes cost $10 for 6 lessons.

AARP Driver Safety Program**

Thursday & Friday, April 15 & 16, 12 pm Participants must pre-register by calling 651-6716. Open to the public 50+. $10 per person. Participant must attend both days. Located on the Doctors Hospital Campus, Building III, 1305 Interstate Parkway. **Items will be held in the Senior Friends Meeting Area. To join or register for classes please call 651-6716 or register online, www.doctors-hospital.net .

For more information, call 651-2450 • 3651 Wheeler Road • Augusta, GA

APRIL

April 2 - Spring Concert Series

Augusta Common: 8:00 - 10:00 PM The series will feature the Tony Howard Band, Sounds Unlimited and more! There will be food, arts and crafts, golf games provided by Hullabaloo Moonwalks and the First Friday car show at the Common. Come out and vote for your favorites: t-models, classic cars, hot rods, muscle cars and motorcycles. You may enter your own vehicle. Registration is $5.00 with prizes awarded to the Top 20 and Best of Show.

April 8 - Spring Concert Series

Augusta Common: 8:00 - 10:00 PM This monthly event is the highlight of the Spring, featuring both national and local talent. Come out and enjoy a musical evening under the stars.

April 11 - Easter Sunrise Service

Jessye Norman Ampitheater: 6:00 AM Join us for an ecumenical service that has become an Augusta tradition.

Augusta Common: Noon - 1:30 PM

Join us each Wednesday now through June 30 for lunch and musical entertainment in the Common. We feature lunch from a local restaurant and entertainment from around the region.

CALL

821-1754 FOR INFORMATION

METRO SPIRIT - MARCH 25, 2004

April 14, 21, 28 - Downtown Lunch Date

flix reel time

Zany “Sunshine” May Just Reveal the Real Jim Carrey By James Hebert

METRO SPIRIT - MARCH 25, 2004

s convoluted as its name is long, “Eternal Sunshine of the Spotless Mind” manages to do what no movie has done before: Render Jim Carrey speechless. Not completely, it’s true. But compared with the rubber-faced bluster that has distinguished so many of his roles, this is a quiet, shy, almost monastically passive Carrey. The movie’s tone — which is as naturalistic as the plot is fantastic — heightens the tantalizing sense that maybe, finally, this is the real Carrey we’re seeing. Far from being spotless, his character is practically tattooed with neuroses. Anything different would be startling in a movie written by Charlie Kaufman, Hollywood’s crown prince of dysfunction. Kaufman’s warped narratives, from “Being John Malkovich” to the Oscarnominated “Adaptation,” carry with them a clammy sense of unease; you almost expect the screen itself to start dripping cold sweat. But even by his own standards, “Spotless Mind” (titled after an Alexander Pope poem) goes not just over the top but straight down a rabbit hole, whipsawing us through a brain maze of memories and emotions. Carrey plays a fumbling shlub named Joel, first glimpsed dragging himself out of his dreary apartment to head off to work. He finds his car inexplicably smashed up, so decides to hitch the commuter rail into the city — then, at the last second, he dashes from the platform and takes a train in the opposite direction. He winds up shuffling along a snowy beach in Montauk, at the tip of Long Island. Joining him — despite Joel’s best efforts to avoid her — is Clementine, a mouthy, blue-haired pest who meets Joel on the shoreline and won’t leave him alone. Kate Winslet’s memorable Clementine is like a spritz of lemon, bracing but best

taken in small doses. In some ways, the character — and her performance — is a replay of the kooky loser played by Liza Minnelli 35 years ago in “The Sterile Cuckoo.” She and Joel wind up hanging out, slouching into a relationship that feels doomed almost as soon as it starts. And here, it gets weird. Joel discovers, as their life together is imploding, that the fed-up Clementine has had him erased from her memory via a medical procedure. Furious, Joel goes to the clinic to get his own recollections scrubbed. The dingy clinic is run by Dr. Mierzwiak (Tom Wilkinson), assisted by a trio of mental hygienists played with slacker alacrity by Mark Ruffalo, Kirsten Dunst and (fresh from his extended engagement in Middle Earth) Elijah Wood. As Joel’s about to get hooked up to the mind-zapping gizmo, he asks the doc: “Is there any risk of brain damage?” To which Wilkinson replies, in his best deadpan: “Well, technically speaking, the procedure is brain damage.” Things quickly go haywire, as Joel realizes Wood’s character has something devious in mind and tries to escape the erasure, enlisting Clementine in the fight. The action by now has moved inside Joel’s skull; as in “Being John Malkovich,” Kaufman has a thing about literally getting inside people’s heads. The jumbling and juxtaposing of Joel’s memories with present-day events starts to feel like brain damage all its own, until Kaufman and director Michel Gondry deftly tie it all together at the climax. But despite the plot wows, the movie proves to have a conventional, even timeless, question in mind: Knowing there’s no promise of eternal sunshine for even the best relationships, why do we plunge in anyway? Kaufman’s best answer seems to be tied up in a quote from Nietzsche that’s uttered by Dunst’s blithely smart party girl. It begins: “Blessed are the forgetful.”

REGAL AUGUSTA EXCHANGE 20

5:05, 7:10, 9:15 The Secret Window (PG-13) Fri: 3:35,

Movies Good 3/26 — 4/1 Jersey Girl (PG-13) Fri-Sat: 1:50, 4:20, 6:50, 9:20, 11:50; Sun-Thur: 1:50, 4:20, 6:50, 9:20 Ladykillers (R) Fri-Sat: 1:45, 4:30, 7:00, 9:35, 12:05; Sun-Thur: 1:45, 4:30, 7:00, 9:35 Never Die Alone (R) Fri-Sat: 12:15, 12:50, 2:30, 3:00, 4:45, 5:15, 7:15, 7:45, 9:30, 10:00, 11:45, 12:15; Sun-Thur: 12:15, 12:50, 2:30, 3:00, 4:45, 5:15, 7:15, 7:45, 9:30, 10:00 Scooby Doo 2 (PG) Fri-Sat: 12:00, 12:45, 2:30, 3:15, 5:00, 5:30, 7:30, 8:00, 9:45, 10:15, 12:00, 12:30; Sun-Thur: 12:00, 12:45, 2:30, 3:15, 5:00, 5:30, 7:30, 8:00, 9:45, 10:15 Walking Tall (PG-13) Sat: 7:00 The Prince and Me (PG) Sat: 7:30; Sun: 2:00 Dawn of the Dead (R) Fri-Sat: 12:05, 2:15, 2:45, 4:55, 5:25, 7:25, 7:55, 9:50, 10:20, 12:20; Sun-Thur: 12:05, 2:15, 2:45, 4:55, 5:25, 7:25, 7:55, 9:50, 10:20

5:45, 7:55, 10:00; Sat-Sun: 1:25, 3:35, 5:45, 7:55, 10:00; Mon-Thur: 5:45, 7:55, 10:00 Taking Lives (R) Fri-Sun: 2:40, 5:00, 7:35, 9:55; Mon-Thur: 5:00, 7:35, 9:55 Dawn of the Dead (R) Fri-Sun: 2:30, 4:40, 7:25, 9:45; Mon-Thur: 4:40, 7:25, 9:45 Starsky & Hutch (PG-13) Fri: 3:25, 5:35, 7:45, 9:55; Sat-Sun: 1:15, 3:25, 5:35, 7:45, 9:55; Mon-Thur: 5:35, 7:45, 9:55 Hidalgo (PG-13) Fri: 3:50, 6:50, 9:35; SatSun: 12:55, 3:50, 6:50, 9:35; Mon-Thur: 6:50, 9:35 The Passion of the Christ (R) Fri: 4:00, 7:00, 9:45; Sat-Sun: 1:00, 4:00, 7:00, 9:45; Mon-Thur: 4:00, 7:00, 9:45

Eternal Sunshine of the Spotless Mind (R) Fri-Sat: 1:00, 3:30, 6:55, 9:25, 11:55;

MASTERS 7 CINEMAS

Sun-Thur: 1:00, 3:30, 6:55, 9:25 Taking Lives (R) 12:25, 2:55, 5:20, 7:50, 10:25 Secret Window (PG-13) Fri-Sat: 12:30, 2:50, 5:10, 7:40, 10:05, 12:25; Sun-Thur: 12:30, 2:50, 5:10, 7:40, 10:05 Agent Cody Banks: Destination London (PG) Fri: 1:40, 4:15, 6:50, 9:15, 11:40; Sat:

1:40, 4:15, 11:40; Sun-Thur: 1:40, 4:15, 6:50, 9:15 Starsky & Hutch (PG-13) Fri-Sat: 11:55, 2:25, 4:50, 7:35, 9:55, 12:35; Sun-Thur: 11:55, 2:25, 4:50, 7:35, 9:55 Hidalgo (PG-13) 1:05, 4:05, 7:05, 10:05 The Passion of the Christ (R) 12:00, 12:45, 1:15, 3:30, 3:50, 4:20, 6:40, 7:00, 7:20, 9:40 10:10, 10:30 Twisted (R) Fri: 12:10, 2:35, 7:30, 12:10; Sat: 12:10, 2:35, 12:25; Sun: 7:30; MonThur: 12:10, 2:35, 7:30 50 First Dates (PG-13) 12:20, 2:50, 5:10, 8:05, 10:30 Barbershop 2 (PG-13) Fri-Sat: 2:10, 4:40, 7:10, 9:40, 12:25; Sun-Thur: 2:10, 4:40, 7:10, 9:40 You Got Served (PG-13) Fri: 5:05, 9:50; Sat: 5:05, 10:05; Sun-Thur: 5:05, 9:50

Confessions of a Teenage Drama Queen (PG) Fri: 2:50, 5:10, 7:15, 9:20; Sat-Sun:

12:45, 2:50, 5:10, 7:15, 9:20; Mon-Thur: 5:10, 7:15, 9:20 50 First Dates (PG-13) Fri: 3:10, 5:20, 7:30, 9:30; Sat-Sun: 1:05, 3:10, 5:20, 7:30, 9:30; Mon-Thur: 5:20, 7:30, 9:30

Movies Good 3/26 — 4/1 Calendar Girls (PG-13) Fri: 4:15, 7:00, 9:15; Sat-Sun: 1:30, 4:15, 7:00, 9:15; MonThur: 4:15, 7:00, 9:15 Win a Date With Tad Hamilton (PG-13)

Fri: 5:15, 7:30, 9:45; Sat-Sun: 1:15, 3:15, 5:15, 7:30, 9:45; Mon-Thur: 5:15, 7:30, 9:45 Against the Ropes (PG-13) Fri: 4:20, 7:15, 9:30; Sat-Sun: 1:05, 4:20, 7:15, 9:30; Mon-Thur: 4:20, 7:15, 9:30 Torque (PG-13) Fri: 5:00, 7:10, 9:10; SatSun: 1:00, 3:00, 5:00, 7:10, 9:10; MonThur: 5:00, 7:10, 9:10 Butterfly Effect (R) Fri: 4:10, 7:25, 9:40; Sat-Sun: 1:45, 4:10, 7:25, 9:40; Mon-Thur: 4:10, 7:25, 9:40 Something’s Gotta Give (PG-13) Fri: 4:00, 6:45, 9:20; Sat-Sun: 12:55, 4:00, 6:45, 9:20; Mon-Thur: 4:00, 6:45, 9:20 Cheaper by the Dozen (PG) Fri: 4:30, 7:05, 9:25; Sat-Sun: 2:00, 4:30, 7:05, 9:25; Mon-Thur: 4:30, 7:05, 9:25 REGAL 12 CINEMAS

Movies Good 3/26 — 4/1 Against the Ropes (PG-13) 2:10, 4:30,

7:00, 9:20 Calendar Girls (PG-13) 2:25, 4:45, 7:10,

EVANS 14 CINEMAS

Movies Good 3/26 — 4/1 The Ladykillers (R) Fri-Sun: 1:45, 4:10, 7:20, 9:40; Mon-Thur: 4:10, 7:20, 9:40 Scooby Doo 2 (PG) Fri: 2:10, 3:20, 4:30, 5:30, 6:40, 7:40, 8:50, 9:50; Sat-Sun: 1:10, 2:10, 3:20, 4:30, 5:30, 6:40, 7:40, 8:50, 9:50; Mon-Thur: 4:30, 5:30, 6:40, 7:40, 8:50, 9:50 Jersey Girl (PG-13) Fri-Sun: 2:20, 4:50, 7:10. 9:25; Mon-Thur: 4:50, 7:10, 9:25 Eternal Sunshine of the Spotless Mind (R) Fri-Sun: 2:00, 4:20, 7:05, 9:30; Mon-

Thur: 4:20, 7:05, 9:30 Agent Cody Banks: Destination London (PG) Fri: 2:55, 5:05, 7:10, 9:15; Sat-Sun:

12:50, 2:55, 5:05, 7:10, 9:15; Mon-Thur:

9:30 Win a Date With Tad Hamilton (PG-13)

2:35, 4:45, 7:30, 9:45 Butterfly Effect (R) 2:00, 4:25, 7:05, 9:25 House of Sand and Fog (R) 2:20, 5:05,

7:50 Torque (PG-13) 2:45, 4:55, 7:40, 9:50 Brother Bear (G) 2:15, 4:15 Cheaper by the Dozen (PG) 2:05, 4:20,

7:15, 9:30 Haunted Mansion (PG) 2:20, 4:35, 7:20,

9:15 Honey (PG-13) 2:30, 4:40, 7:35, 9:40 The Last Samurai (R) 2:00, 5:00, 7:55 Scary Movie 3 (PG-13) 2:40, 4:50, 7:45,

9:50 Texas Chainsaw Massacre (R) 7:25, 9:35

M O V I E L I S T I N G S A R E S U B J E C T C H A N G E W I T H O U T N O T I C E .

T O

MUSIC Larry Jon Wilson’s Back — With a Few Friends

t’s been a little over a year since Larry Jon Wilson has put on a show for his hometown. Wilson has the luxury to play gigs now out of desire to do so, rather than necessity, and on April 3, he’ll prove that a Larry Jon Wilson show is well worth the wait. “The decision was actually to play in Augusta again at a larger thing than last time. A lot of people didn’t get to come because it sold out too quick at (the Augusta Museum of History),” he says. “A lot of people said they called to go and it was already sold out. Even if I just get to play to the people that missed it, that’ll be good.” This time, there’s even an added bonus — Wilson will be bringing friends John D. Loudermilk and Shawn Mullins with him. “They’ll just do a little bit and I’ll just do a medium bit,” Wilson explains. “It’ll be a rare, rare treat for any of the three to play in Augusta, but the three together is utterly rare. It’s probably a pretty good ticket.” You may remember Shawn Mullins for all the attention he received with hit single “Lullaby” from his platinum-selling album “Soul’s Core.” Since then, Mullins has released numerous albums. John D. Loudermilk is a celebrated songwriter whose credits include “A Rose and a Baby Ruth,” “Waterloo,” “Tobacco Road” and “Then You Can Tell Me Goodbye.” Loudermilk also recorded under the name Johnny Dee in the late 1950s and the early 1960s. And he’s the proud recipient of Grammy, BMI and Aggie Awards. “John D., when he plays a little bit, they’ll know who he is,” Wilson says. “He doesn’t do any more concerts, hasn’t for a quarter of a century.” Loudermilk and Wilson are longtime friends, so he agreed to perform for a half hour or so. “That was like a windfall,”

Wilson says. “And then Shawn and I, we’re just in touch some. I asked him did he want to come join us — I thought that would be a nice mixture.” Wilson met Mullins doing gigs at Eddie’s Attic in Atlanta. “I was kind of the geezer, the resident geezer at Eddie’s Attic,” Wilson says with a laugh. “I used to come back to his gigs. We’ve done a good many together since then. He came up and did Bluebird Café live with me.” As for Wilson himself, he’s been working on a project in conjunction with a British compilation album, “Country Got Soul.” “My stuff is playing in England, oddly enough,” he says. “There were two casual records for a pretty substantial record company over there that put out some compilations of, I guess it began as obscure artists. … These are people who are, they’re sort of writer/performers, but probably all of them but me had radio hits. I did too, just briefly. People who couldn’t be called country, but we operated out of Nashville. They write soul songs, but they’re actually boys in their overalls.” In addition to being included on the “Country Got Soul” compilation, Wilson recorded two tracks for an upcoming album. “We all went in a did live things with the same old players from a quarter-century ago, and it’s really, really good,” he says. “I did the two songs on it, and it’s probably coming out in May. It’s a major record promotion in Europe. “So we’ll scoot around the British Isles and promote the album. That pretty much, in a nutshell, is it. I do my little gigs, I do some rare public ones. I still do Atlanta and Nashville and New York, I’ve done a couple of times. Otherwise, I’m sticking pretty close to home.”

By Lisa Jordan

LARRY JON WILSON

Who: Larry Jon Wilson, John D. Loudermilk and Shawn Mullins Where: The Imperial Theatre When: April 3, 8 p.m. METRO SPIRIT - MARCH 25, 2004

Tickets: $20 standard, $35 VIP. VIP tickets include onstage reception after the show. Info: www.imperialtheatre.com or call 722-8341 JOHN D. LOUDERMILK

SHAWN MULLINS

music

“THE COOP & THE HOOP: Catch All Mega March Madness here on Direct TV — 24 TV’s & Audio!”

Happy Hour Mon-Fri 4pm to 7pm: Half Price Well Drinks & $2.99 Appetizers! Home of the $1.50 Bud & Bud Light Pints Everyday We Now Have Steel Tip Dart Boards!!

Stool Pigeons • 277 Robert C. Daniel Jr. Pkwy • 737-6950

METRO SPIRIT - MARCH 25, 2004

The innovative partnership between the Morris Museum of Art and Augusta’s historic Imperial Theatre On March 28th, the 2001, 2002, 2003 International Bluegrass Music Association vocal group of the year - Doyle Lawson and Quicksilver along with local favorite Flo Carter & her family band!

All seating reserved. Tickets available at the Imperial Theatre Box Office, online at www.imperialtheatre.com, or by calling 706.722.8341. Sponsored in part by Comcast, The Metropolitan Spirit and Coca Cola.

Bloodkin Delivers Straight-Up Rock By Lisa Jordan

fter six weeks on the road, the boys of Bloodkin are back home in Athens. “We started in Nashville and went to Mississippi, though Missouri, through Colorado, Utah, Colorado again, and then through Texas,” says David Nickel, bass player for the group. “The band hasn’t done a tour like this in about five years, with everybody having commitments at home and jobs. We just kind of decided to hit it pretty hard.” Although another tour is in the works – an East Coast trek this summer – for now, at least, Bloodkin will be sticking a little closer to home. An Augusta date on April 2 will put Nickel and drummer Bentley Rhodes right back in their hometown, in fact. “The drummer, Bentley Rhodes, is from Augusta, too, so we sort of grew up together,” says Nickel. Nickel, who also plays with Georgia favorites Stewart & Winfield (also coming to town, April 8 at Last Call), is the new kid on the block in Bloodkin. He’s been with them just since the beginning of 2004. The roots of Bloodkin lie in the

friendship between guitarists and vocalists Daniel Hutchens and Eric Carter, forged in West Virginia long before the duo relocated to Athens. “They’ve known each other since they were 8 years old,” Nickel says. Hutchens and Carter, the men behind the bulk of Bloodkin’s songwriting efforts, found a place in Athens’ extensive music community, working with David Barbe and hanging out with Widespread Panic, who have covered several Bloodkin tunes. And, though Widespread Panic and Bloodkin have musical ties, Bloodkin is straight-up rock ‘n’ roll. “It’s straight-ahead, no-frills rock ‘n’ roll. We’re certainly not a jam band,” says Nickel. “Some people come expecting that, but they leave saying, ‘It’s nice to hear a rock ‘n’ roll show.’”

Who: Bloodkin Where: Crossroads When: April 2 Info: www.bloodkin.net

Attention, Local Musicians!

Remember last December’s “12 Bands of Christmas” show at the Imperial Theatre? The event raised $10,000 for the MCG Children’s Medical Center. You, too, can take part in the annual event, and now’s the time to start thinking about it, because submissions are now being accepted from bands wishing to participate in this year’s benefit CD and concert. Submissions will be accepted by mail or e-mail. Recordings will not be returned. Include your n a m e , b a n d n a m e , p h o n e n u m b e r , e - m a i l a d d r e s s a n d s o n g n a m e o n t h e r e c o r d i n g . D e m o q u a lity is acceptable. There is no guarantee that your song will be used, but if selected, you will receive recording and production time with producer Ruskin Yeargain, as well as a slot at the “12 Bands” show. All costs for this, including licensing fees, will be paid by Bordertown Music. The deadline for submissions is June 1, 2004. E-mail MP3s to jstevenson@bellsouth.net. Mail recordings to 12 Bands of Christmas, Attn: Joe Stevenson, 3208 A Mike Padgett Hwy., Augusta GA 30906.

s g tin

h g i S

DENNIS AND KIM KELLY AT THE RAMADA PLAZA HOTEL.

ESLIP S, COLIN H IN K T A W JOHN NTS. RPET EVE AT RED CA

AND RYAN

MARTINE JEFFRESS, TRACY ANDREWS AND FAYE HERRON AT THE ST. PATRICK’S DAY CELEBRATION AT EIGHTH STREET PLAZA.

T AT THE ST. MOLLY LOVET D N A IN ER , IE AUGUSTA DEBB ELEBRATION AT C AY D ’S K IC PATR COMMON.

E RAMADA

URSLEY AT TH

EORGE P BRIGID AND G PLAZA HOTEL.

KRISTEN WILSON, HELEN DALIS AND JULIA VERNON AT RED CARPET EVENTS.

IVEY AND GABI WELLS AT THE ST. PATRICK’S DAY CELEBRATION AT AUGUSTA COMMON.

Photos by Michael E. Johnson

METRO SPIRIT - MARCH 25, 2004

JANNA AND LELAND MA LCHOW AT THE RAMA PLAZA HOTEL. DA

NAIR

MARLINE ROB INSON, DAVID DROSS, STEPH DOUGLAS AND EN JULIANA BOAT WRIGHT AT TH RAMADA PLAZA E HOTEL.

Peacock Alley as a side project to allow our friends a place to find their favorite handmade products; like Kirklands’ Wood. Try the Gardener’s Sore Muscle Soak. Just a few tablespoons in a hot bath and life is good.

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We opened

CD Reviews

By Andy Stokes

2107 Kings Way • 481-0402

Thursday - Ladies’ Night Destroyer — “Your Blues” (Merge)

Ladies Drink

FREE All Night

Friday & Saturday

RHES REEVES BAND

Wednesday

Happy Hour 7-9 2 for 1 Drinks

METRO SPIRIT - MARCH 25, 2004

Drink & Drown BIKINI WEDNESDAY!

COYOTE’S

“Where Variety is the Spice of Life”

2512 PEACH ORCHARD ROAD

706-560-9245

“Your Blues” (which, according to Destroyer mastermind Daniel Bejar, is short for European Blues) is that band’s fifth album, though at first listen it gives no clue as to the previous Destroyer sound. And standing in the shadow of their former self is no easy task for Destroyer — with their last four albums, especially 2002’s “This Night,” they’ve become collegerock darlings. “Your Blues” is totally out of left field, though. It’s based around the rarely seen theme of Renaissance folk-rock seen before in David Bowie’s early‘70s ventures and more recently in the last two Mercury Rev albums. Also, like Mercury Rev, Bejar’s vocals match Jonathan Donahue’s nasal howl, and overall “Your Blues” may remind some of Mercury Rev’s opus, “Deserter’s Songs.” Where “Your Blues” defies comparison, however, is with the addition of synthesized string, brass and woodwind swells throughout. (Mercury Rev’s were really recorded for a thicker, more epic, feel.) Keep in mind that this is Destroyer’s first foray into the oldworld sound, and that category is, for the most part, uncharted territory. For that reason, along with Bejar’s undeniable ability to create melodies that perfectly match the theatrics he shoots for, “Your Blues” is a triumph. If Destroyer continues on this path, and even if they don’t, they’ll find their place among peers Mercury Rev, Flaming Lips and others who have managed to reinvent themselves so well late in their musical lives that they even convince each other they’re new people. Call it instant maturity, call it a band’s midlife crisis, but it’s definitely a risky venture, and one that Destroyer deserves applause for successfully embarking upon.

Iron and Wine — “Our Endless Numbered Days” (Sub Pop) Miami, Fla., resident Sam Beam, a.k.a. Iron and Wine, makes delicate Americana far-removed from his surroundings. Last year’s debut, “The Creek Drank the Cradle,” and subsequent EP “The Sea and the Rhythm” proved Beam’s songwriting worth, as the songs shone through the low fidelity of a four-track basement recording. They certainly did, but now that Beam has taken the recording process out of his basement and into a real studio, what, if anything, will be lost? The better recording only improves upon the formula: You may think being run through countless mixing boards and mastering facilities would take away Iron and Wine’s trademark initimacy, but it actually adds to it. Beam now has honey in his voice, and the faint sounds of a left-hand sliding over wound guitar strings and chairs creaking at song’s end now bring the listener even closer. Beam’s voice still never registers much above a whisper, and, in fact, he takes the approach of a bomb defuser to each song: Careful and with a definite sense of fragility, but with an underlying sense of firmness and articulation. Although the addition of new instruments (a banjo, pedal steel and even an occasional drum set make welcome appearances) really only serve to pepper the songs — they’re still all about Beam and his acoustic guitar — they do prove that Beam is open to change, or at least adaptation. Which is good, because even though he hasn’t come close to being repetitious yet (everything he’s released so far easily holds its ground against anything Palace Music or Sebadoh has released) he may risk that with future albums. Since it’s a mood that’s conveyed and not remembrance of individual songs with catchy hooks, some listeners may seek more instant gratification. Which seems to be OK with Beam, who is just as content as Sub Pop’s elder, less flashy troubadour and maybe even that label’s history teacher.

music by turner

RIC CLAPTON pays tribute to his biggest influence as a musician, as “Me and Mr. Johnson” is in the this week. The late Mississippi bluesman ROBERT JOHNSON has been Clapton's guitar hero from the beginning, dating way back to the Brit's days with JOHN MAYALL'S BLUESBREAKERS. From 1966 to 1992, Clapton recorded five Johnson covers on various albums but has always wanted to do a full-fledged album in honor of the guitarist who changed blues forever with his haunting songs about lost loves, women, whiskey and the devil. Clapton enlisted the help of some great backing musicians to assist him in fulfilling his dream. NATHAN EAST, JIM KELTNER, PINO PALLADINO, DOYLE BRAMHALL II, STEVE GADD, ANDY FAIRWEATHER-LOW and former MUDDY WATERS blues harp legend JERRY PORTNOY join Clapton on new interpretations of Johnson standards such as “Travelin’ Riverside Blues,” “Love in Vain,” “Hellhound on My Trail” and “Kindhearted Woman Blues.” Johnson only recorded 29 songs in his brief 27 years, which means there's only 10 Johnson compositions left for Clapton to tackle. As EC states in the CD's liner notes: “Johnson's music is a landmark that I navigate by whenever I feel myself going adrift … his music is like my oldest friend.” Masters of Music Before Masters Dept. Tobacco Road just intersected with Broad Street. April 3 will be a Saturday night never to be forgotten, as LARRY JON WILSON, SHAWN MULLINS and JOHN D. LOUDERMILK join up for “Larry Jon Wilson and Friends” at the Imperial Theatre. Larry Jon needs no introduction to locals, as he's always been one of the area's favorite sons. His unique gift of Southern storytelling made him popular all over the world. His three albums from the ‘70s (“New Beginnings,” “Let Me Sing My Song to You” and “Sojourner”) remain classics to this day and have inspired countless other musicians, including his good friend Shawn Mullins. Mullins hit it big nationwide with 1998's stunning “Soul’s Core.” That effort contained two of his biggest hits, “Shimmer,”

and “Lullaby.” He and Larry Jon teamed up several years ago for the Turner South program, “Live at the Bluebird,” and have been fast buds ever since. Mullins wasn't an overnight success beginning with “Soul's Core,” as he performed tirelessly all over the U.S. in the early and mid-‘90s behind other solid efforts such as “Big Blue Sky” and “Eggshells.” John D. Loudermilk might not be a household name, but most everyone is familiar with his work. Among the songs crafted by the songwriting legend include “Ebony Eyes” (THE EVERLY BROTHERS), “Then You Can Tell Me Goodbye” (THE CASINOS), “Abeline” and “A Rose and a Baby Ruth” (GEORGE HAMILTON IV), “Indian Reservation” (PAUL REVERE AND THE RAIDERS) and “Tobacco Road,” which has been covered by countless musicians including EDGAR WINTER, WAR and THE NASHVILLE TEENS. Tickets for “Larry Jon Wilson and Friends” are going fast so you had better hurry. Prices are an extremely reasonable $35 for VIP tickets and $20 for regular reserved seats. Call the Imperial and “call it quick” at 722-8341. Kudos to Pat Blanchard from First Bank for his tireless and unselfish efforts in helping to support good music in Augusta.

music minis Aretha Hospitalized We don’t know what’s wrong with her, but we know she’s in stable condition. Aretha Franklin was hospitalized on Saturday, March 20. Her condition was reported as stable four days later. The Queen of Soul is 62. RIAA Attacks More Students The Recording Industry Association of America filed a bundle of lawsuits on March 23. The suits have been filed against 443 users of commercial ISPs in several states. Many of those are users of university networks. Who Let the Dog Out? Remember when we told you Whitney Houston’s guy Bobby Brown was in jail for smacking her? (He’s not that far away from here, by the way — DeKalb County, Ga.) Anyway, he was released on March 22 to take a trip to Massachusetts for a paternity suit. Take him to the pound, Whitney.

Music on the Silver Screen? If so, it will be because of The Eastman Kodak Co. and Movie Tunes Inc. The plan is to offer a short weekly program called “Music Scene” to movie houses to show developing bands and other cool stuff (cue raised eyebrow) to teens. It is supposed to begin in July and last through the summer. Sometimes Spam Is Good Augusta singer/songwriter Josh Kelly used Napster to his advantage in 2001. From school, no less, he uploaded his original material onto the file-sharing network and spammed the heck out of listeners whose musical tastes he shared, suggesting that they listen to his stuff. Eventually, the suggestion made its way to Eric Clinger of Hollywood Records. Clinger liked what he heard and signed Kelly the following year. One point for the home team.

COMPILED BY RHONDA JONES

Information compiled from online and other music news sources.

Mr. Zimmerman Returns Dept. Another great installment of unreleased BOB DYLAN performances is new and in stores this week. “Live: 1964” has Dylan at his peak as an all-acoustic performer and was committed to tape just a few weeks before he went electric on “Bringing It All Back Home.” The two-disc set was recorded on Halloween night almost 40 years ago and features many future standards, including “Mr. Tambourine Man,” “Don't Think Twice, It's Alright,” “It Ain't Me Babe” and “All I Really Want To Do.” JOAN BAEZ (his reported love interest at the time) guests on several of the songs. Turner's Quick Notes MADONNA will tour the U.S. beginning this May. Dates and venues to be announced later … Wisconsin cheesehead rockers BODEANS return in June with their first album in eight years, “Resolution” … FLEETWOOD MAC has extended versions of “Fleetwood Mac,” “Rumours” and “Tusk” out now with loads of bonus tracks and outtakes … JOHN MAYER is teaming up with country star BRAD PAISLEY for an upcoming segment of CMT's “Crossroads” TV series … MAROON 5's “Songs About Jane” remains one of the finest debut albums that I've heard in years. Good power pop is back.

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perspective.

METRO SPIRIT - MARCH 25, 2004

gardening tips and film reviews to in-depth news analysis, Peabody

Turner's Rock ‘N’ Roll Jeopardy: A. This REM song was used as the theme for this TV show.

AFTER DARK

H NESS JOHNNY MARCH 27. STILLWATER TAP ROOM HOSTS LOC

Thursday, 25th

Aiken Brewing Co. – Perpetual Groove Andy’s – Kenny Masters, Scott McQueen, Dave and Dave Show, Open Jam The Bee’s Knees – Meditate on This! Blind Pig – Pat Blanchard and the Band Cafe Du Teau – James McIntyre Club Argos – Karaoke Dance Party Coliseum – Karaoke with Dana Continuum – Playa*Listic Thursday Coyote’s – The Rhes Reeves Band D. Timm’s – The Section Finish Line Cafe – DJ Fox’s Lair – Andy McCraw Greene Streets – Karaoke Honky Tonk – DJ Dougie Joe’s Underground – Keith “Fossill” Gregory Locals – Preston and Weston Michael’s – Marilyn Adcock Modjeska – The Comedy Zone, DJ Kenny Ray Playground – Open Mic Robbie’s Sports Bar – DJ Rusty Serendipity Café – Chelsea Logue Shannon’s – Karaoke with Peggy Soul Bar – Distal, Estrela Wheeler Tavern – DJ Flashback Buddy

Friday, 26th Aiken Brewing Co. – Zen Andy’s – The Jeff Liberty Band Back Roads – DJ

The Bee’s Knees – Projections and Selections Blind Pig – Shameless Dave and the Miracle Whips Cafe Du Teau – James McIntyre Charlie O’s – Live Band Club Argos – Spectral Erosa with DJ Triskyl, DJ Ghost, Claire Storm Coconuts – Bikini Contest Coliseum – Clint’s Party Cotton Patch – Wayne Capps Coyote’s – The Rhes Reeves Band Crossroads – El Diablo Ninos D. Timm’s – The Section El Rodeo – DJ Sontiago Finish Line Cafe – DJ Fox’s Lair – Edmond “Lurch” Kida French Market Grille West – Quiet Storm Greene Streets – Karaoke The Helm – Preston and Weston Hangnail Gallery – Libyan Hit Squad, Style Over Substance, Fall to Dust, One-Way Letter, Jehovah Chang Honky Tonk – DJ Doug Romanella Joe’s Underground – John Kolbeck Last Call – DJ Richie Rich Little Honky Tonk – Live Entertainment Locals – Karaoke Marlboro Station – Dana Andrews Michael’s – Marilyn Adcock Modjeska – Deeper with Jason Wilson Ms. Carolyn’s – The Horizon Robbie’s Sports Bar – DJ Rusty The Shack – DJ Chip

Shannon’s – Bart Bell, Allen Black Soul Bar – Disco Hell Stillwater Tap Room – Cornmeal Wheeler Tavern – DJ Flashback Buddy

Saturday, 27th

Aiken Brewing Co. – Jaimee Thomas Band Andy’s – J. Walker Experience Back Roads – DJ The Bee’s Knees – Sweet Nuthin’ Blind Pig – Shameless Dave and the Miracle Whips Borders – Chris Young Cafe Du Teau – James McIntyre Charlie O’s – Live Band Club Argos – Stephanie Ross, Shirley Ujest Coconuts – DJ Tim Coliseum – Sasha Cotton Patch – John Kolbeck Coyote’s – The Rhes Reeves Band Crossroads – Continuous Speed, Midnight Crossing D. Timm’s – The Section Finish Line Cafe – DJ, Karaoke Fox’s Lair – Greg Austin French Market Grille West – Quiet Storm Greene Streets – Karaoke The Helm – Karaoke Contest Honky Tonk – DJ Doug Romanella Joe’s Underground – Medicine Hat Last Call – DJ Richie Rich Little Honky Tonk – Buster Hymen Band Marlboro Station – Miss Peg

Metro Coffeehouse – Live Afternoon Bluegrass with Eryn Eubanks and the Family Fold Michael’s – Marilyn Adcock Modjeska – Temptation with DJ Smiles Partridge Inn – Sandy B. and the All-Stars Robbie’s Sports Bar – DJ Rusty The Shack – DJ Buckwheat Shannon’s – Kool Katz Soul Bar – Hope for Agoldensummer, Audition with Max Reinhardt Stillwater Tap Room – Loch Ness Johnny Wheeler Tavern – DJ Flashback Buddy

Sunday, 28th

Adams Lounge – DJ Borders – Jeremy Clayton Cafe Du Teau – The Last Bohemian Quartet Hangnail Gallery – Broomfiller, The Saturn Four, The Vanity Crowd, P.S.F. Imperial Theatre – Doyle Lawson and Quicksilver Marlboro Station – April Alexander Orange Moon – Smooth Jazz Sunday with Emery Bennett Robbie’s Sports Bar – DJ Rusty Serendipity Café – Kiri Pieta The Shack – Karaoke with DJ Joe Steel, Sasha Shannon’s – Shelly Watkins Wheeler Tavern – Karaoke w/ DJ Dog

Monday, 29th Coliseum – Q.A.F.

METRO SPIRIT - MARCH 25, 2004

continued on page 42

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METRO SPIRIT - MARCH 25, 2004

Two Shows: 8:00 & 10:30 p.m. Alexander Hall, Fort Gordon Tickets are $15, $20 & $25 and are available beginning March 12 at the Fort Gordon Dinner Theatre, Gordon Lanes, Fort Gordon Federal Credit Union or www.fortgordon.com. Call 793-8552 for phone reservations. Open to the public! All patrons please bring a photo I.D. to enter Fort Gordon. Rated R

Continuum – Monday Madness Fox’s Lair – Open Mic Greene Streets – Karaoke Joe’s Underground – Daddy Grace Michael’s – Mike Swift

Tuesday, 30th

Adams Lounge – Keith “Fossill” Gregory The Bee’s Knees – 12 Tone Lounge Coliseum – Tournament Tuesday D. Timm’s – The Section Fox’s Lair – Open Mic French Market Grille West – Wayne Capps Greene Streets – Karaoke Joe’s Underground – John Kolbeck Metro Coffeehouse – Irish Night with Sibin Michael’s – Marilyn Adcock Surrey Tavern – Tuesday Jam Session with Pat Blanchard

Wednesday, 31st

The Bee’s Knees – Heliocentric Cinema Club Argos – Claire Storm and Co. Coconuts – Karaoke Coliseum – Wacky Wednesdays Continuum – Open Mic Jam Sessions Coyote’s – The Rhes Reeves Band Crossroads – Karaoke D. Timm’s – The Section Fox’s Lair – Open Mic, Karaoke Greene Streets – Karaoke Joe’s Underground – Ruskin Michael’s – Marilyn Adcock Playground – Karaoke Robbie’s Sports Bar – DJ Rusty Shannon’s – Shelly Watkins, Bart Bell Somewhere in Augusta – Keith “Fossill” Gregory Soul Bar – Live Jazz Stillwater Tap Room – Carbon Leaf Veracruz – Wayne Capps

Elsewhere

John Vanderslice – The Earl, Atlanta – March 25 My Chemical Romance, Poison the Well, Thrice – The Masquerade, Atlanta – March 25 The Sleepy Jackson – Echo Lounge, Atlanta – March 26 Gaither Homecoming – Colonial Center, Columbia, S.C. – March 26 Phantom Planet – 40 Watt Club, Athens, Ga. – March 27 Yanni – Colonial Center, Columbia, S.C. – March 30 Slipknot, Fear Factory – Tabernacle, Atlanta – April 3 Air – Earthlink Live, Atlanta – April 6 Bela Fleck and the Flecktones – University of Georgia, Athens, Ga. – April 7 Aerosmith, Cheap Trick – Colonial Center, Columbia, S.C. – April 7; Philips Arena, Atlanta – April 9 The Darkness – Cotton Club, Atlanta – April 8 The Distillers – Cotton Club, Atlanta – April 10 The Liars – Echo Lounge, Atlanta – April 14 3 Rivers Music Festival – Congaree Vista, Columbia, S.C. – April 16-18 Josh Groban – Fox Theatre, Atlanta – April 20 Ben Kweller, Death Cab for Cutie – 40 Watt Club, Athens, Ga. – April 20; Variety Playhouse, Atlanta – April 21 Four Tet – MJQ, Atlanta – April 22 Stereolab – Variety Playhouse, Atlanta – April 22 Squarepusher – Echo Lounge, Atlanta – April 24 Jump, Little Children – Variety Playhouse, Atlanta – April 24 Blonde Redhead – Echo Lounge, Atlanta – April 26 Yes – Philips Arena, Atlanta – April 28 Tortoise – Variety Playhouse, Atlanta – April 28 Music Midtown Festival – Midtown Atlanta – April 30-May 2 David Bowie, Stereophonics – Chastain Park Amphitheatre, Atlanta – May 8 Vans Warped Tour ’04 – HiFi Buys Amphitheatre, Atlanta – July 28

Upcoming

Bloodkin – Crossroads – April 2 Damon Fowler – Andy’s – April 2 Larry Jon Wilson and Friends – Imperial Theatre – April 3 The Woggles – Soul Bar – April 3 VIP and Locals Party – Last Call – April 5 Foam Party – Last Call – April 6 Swingin’ Medallions Par 3 Party – Last Call – April 7 Redbelly Band – Soul Bar – April 8 Stewart & Winfield – Last Call – April 8 ‘80s Costume Party with McFly – Modjeska – April 9 A1A Buffett Tribute Band – Last Call – April 9 Masters Massacre – Crossroads – April 9-10 Shinedown – The Boathouse – April 15 The Twittering Machine – Soul Bar – April 24 Honestly – Crossroads – May 7

Many tickets are available through TicketMaster outlets by calling 828-7700, or online at www.ticketmaster.com. Tickets may also be available through Tix Online by calling 278-4TIX, online at www.tixonline.com or at their outlet location in Southgate Plaza. After Dark listings are subject to change without notice. Deadline for inclusion in After Dark calendar is Tuesday at 4 p.m. Contact Rhonda Jones or Lisa Jordan by calling 738-1142, faxing 736-0443 or e-mailing to rhonda.jones@metrospirit.com or lisa.jordan@metrospirit.com.

Brezsny’s Free Will

uate ethnic stereotypes, I also cringe at astrologers who assume that all Libras are unflappably gracious, obsessed with relationships and unable to make up their minds. While there is a grain of truth in those characterizations, they're oppressive if regarded as immutable cosmic law. You need the freedom to complain now and then, especially when a situation has become so filled with deception and illusion that it's hurting people. To remain unflappably gracious in the face of a mess like that would be wrong. Likewise, on occasion you need to forget what's best for a relationship and instead concentrate on what's best for you. This is one of those times, Libra, when you have license to rebel against astrology's stereotypes.

Astr ology ARIES (March 21-April 19)

For months now, you've been cultivating a more mature relationship with obstacles. You've begun to see them less as punishments doled out by an unfair universe and more as interesting, growth-inducing challenges provided by a generous universe. If you do nothing else but master this perspective in the next eight months, I'll declare 2004 a success. Are you ready for the next big breakthrough in your noble struggle to refine how you struggle?

TAURUS (April 20-May 20)

“Bolivia has no ocean, but it has admirals done up like Lord Nelson,” writes Eduardo Galeano in “The Book of Embraces.” “Lima, Peru, has no rain, but it has peaked roofs with gutters. In Managua, Nicaragua, one of the hottest cities in the world, there are mansions flaunting magnificent fireplaces.” Are there any anomalies like these in your world, Taurus? Do you have tools for jobs you never do? Luxuries you don't use? Elaborate structures that have no purpose? If so, it's time to either rethink your relationship to them or else phase them out.

GEMINI (May 21-June 20)

You will soon come across numerous clues about the Great Riddle of Your Life — you know, the brain-teasing, heart-stretching enigma that will take years for you to solve completely. So be alert! Revelations may arrive from unexpected sources and inadvertent teachers. Even seemingly insignificant events may be pregnant with pithy hints. To cultivate the right kind of receptivity, be on the lookout not only for crisp answers, but also for ideas about how to formulate the Great Riddle more clearly. P.S.: Keep an image of a sphinx near you at all times. It'll help supercharge your intuition.

CANCER (June 21-July 22)

SCORPIO (Oct. 23-Nov. 21)

An image of the Virgin Mary materialized on the window of a home in Ohio. That, at least, is what an imaginative neighbor believed, though the occupants themselves were apathetic. But the neighbor spread the word, and soon pilgrims were coming from afar to be in the presence of the miracle. A blind woman regained her sight; a man in a wheelchair walked for the first time in eight years; a six-year-old child with life-threatening asthma breathed freely again. Then the maid came. It was her regular day to work. The homeowners neglected to tell her not to clean the special window, and she did. The blessed image disappeared and the crowd dispersed. Moral of the story, Scorpio: The magic that comes your way this week might be a bit messy — an it up.

LEO (July 23-Aug. 22)

When he first invented the printing press in the fifteenth century, Johannes Gutenberg used it to fashion frivolous little things like sets of playing cards. Only later did he put it to work massproducing books, turning it into a revolutionary tool for disseminating information. I foresee a similar evolution for you in the coming weeks, Leo. In the early going, you'll employ a wonderful new resource in a relatively impractical way; or maybe a big, fresh idea will first appear in a trivial context. Not to worry, though. After the initial false starts and wasteful experiments, you will ultimately discover an elegant use for your innovation. Be patient.

SAGITTARIUS (Nov. 22-Dec. 21)

Evangelical Christian TV personality Pat Robertson says God told him that George W. Bush will win the U.S. presidential election in a landslide. That's odd, because God told me the exact opposite: Bush will be out of office and sitting on the board of Halliburton by February, 2005. To my knowledge, Robertson has not yet commented on the upcoming binge of intelligent fun and righteous pleasure that astrologers are predicting for you Sagittarians. My guess, though, is that his God wouldn't approve. My God, on the other hand, predicts that you will generate good karma as you have a sweet, boisterous time.

VIRGO (Aug. 23-Sept. 22)

If you're willing, life will soon offer you not just a fleeting glimpse but a penetrating gaze at what has been concealed beneath the surface. You'll be invited to shed your preconceptions and come faceto-face with hidden agendas, missing links and fertile secrets. If you'd rather not accept life's overture to strip away pretenses, please forget you ever read this horoscope. To retain it in your memory would interfere with your enjoyment of the pretty packaging that veils the slightly disturbing, totally invigorating contents inside.

CAPRICORN (Dec. 22-Jan. 19)

An entrepreneur approached me with a proposal. "Your work should be getting out to a bigger audience. The masses are starving for the message you're putting out. That's why you need me. With

LIBRA (Sept. 23-Oct. 22)

Just as I have little patience for people who perpet-

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PISCES (Feb. 19-March 20)

Contrary to the assumptions of misinformed "skeptics," real astrology has nothing to do with the stars, except for one star: our sun. The 12 signs of the zodiac don't correspond to constellations, but demarcate symbolic phases of the cyclic relationship between the sun and Earth. Here's another correction of one of the skeptics' many misunderstandings: Astrology is an art, not a science. While it does have a logical coherency and can be of great use in understanding the mystery of our lives, it's not a precise body of facts based on repeatable experiments. It's a mythic language that trains our imaginations to be aware of the links between our inner world and the outer world. Now, Pisces, take inspiration from my words as you fight back against those who judge and criticize you even though they don't understand you.

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AQUARIUS (Jan. 20-Feb. 18)

The Golden Rule is a decent ethical principle, but it could be even better. "Do unto others as you would have them do unto you" presumes that others like what you like. But that's laughably naive and potentially a big mistake. There are many things you would like to have done unto you that others would either despise or be bored by. Here's a new, improved formulation, which we'll call the Platinum Rule: “Do unto others as they would like to have you do unto them.” Of course these are always powerful words to live by, Aquarius, but especially now. It's time to take your integrity to the next level.

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METRO SPIRIT - MARCH 25, 2004

New York Times Crossword Puzzle

Your trust was violated in the past, and you still feel the wound. You keep it in the background of your awareness, fascinated with the way it never really heals. Though I sympathize, I want you to know

that it's time to move on. Your horrified disbelief about having been treated so badly is close to becoming just another bad habit. Your instinct for self-protection is threatening to devolve into indulgent self-pity. What should you do? The first thing is to forgive yourself for the kindness that put you in the path of those who betrayed you. The second step is to restore your trust in yourself. Third, find a way to feel gratitude for those who abused your trust. Yes, you heard me right: Be thankful for all they taught you about how to become yourself.

my marketing machine, your name could become as recognizable as Deepak Chopra's. Let's build an entertainment conglomerate and hawk a hundred Rob Brezsny-style products." "Nah," I said. "People come to me seeking sanctuary from hype. They know I won't smack them upside the head with relentless sales pitches." I urge you to adopt a similar attitude in the coming week, Capricorn. Let everyone relax in your presence, knowing they won't be hustled, cajoled or manipulated.

The Advice Goddess

News of the

Amy Alkon

Weird

dding to the Disney-fanatic adults who have appeared in “News of the Weird” is George Reiger of Bethlehem, Pa., who has now been tattooed with Disney-related images 1,600 times, adding about one per week. Reiger said he spends $50,000 a year on his Disney habit, owns 19,000 items of memorabilia and has fitted his house with Disney touches. In February, Reuters news service asked his opinion of chairman Michael Eisner and of potential Disney owner Comcast Corp., both of which Reiger denounced as indifferent to the original Disney magic. “A lot of people ask me,” Reiger said, “if I got (a tattoo of Eisner), where would I put it?” Least Competent Good Ol’ Boys In December, on their second try, six men managed to set fire to a cross in the yard of a Dade County, Ga., white woman whose daughter was dating a biracial man. Then they couldn’t control the flames, which threatened an “innocent” white neighbor, provoking one of the men to call 911, leading eventually to their arrests. The county, in Georgia’s northwest corner, is known as the “state of Dade” for its isolation and insularity (99.4 percent white), but Sheriff Philip Street did bring himself to denounce cross-burning as “old school.”

METRO SPIRIT - MARCH 25, 2004

Life Imitates “Christine” On Jan. 30, as Angel Eck, 20, drove her Pontiac Sunfire on Interstate 70 toward Denver, she suddenly could not slow down. The car was locked in overdrive and climbed to 100 mph; the ignition would not disengage; and the clutch and accelerator were stuck. A half-hour later, two enterprising Denver police officers, having been alerted by cell phone and reprising a tactic from the old “CHiPs” TV show, slowed the car by allowing it to repeatedly bump the rear of their squad car until it came to a stop. A few days later, idling in the shop at Green Mountain Auto Service, the car jumped gears and pinned a mechanic against an inside wall until a colleague set the emergency brake. Latest Religious Messages • Update: Indian sadhu Lotan (aka Ludkan) Baba was reported in “News of the Weird” in 1995 for his 2,500-mile holy journey through the Indian countryside traveling by lying on the ground and rolling over and over and over, the entire distance (doing from six to 13 miles a day). In September 2003 (reported in video on the CBS News Web site in January 2004), he set out on a 1,500-mile trip, rolling from Ratlam, India, to Lahore, Pakistan, where he said he hopes to thank President Pervez Musharraf for his India-Pakistan peace initiatives. • From an underreported profile of Mel Gibson in “The New Yorker” (Sept. 15, 2003), discussing his then-upcoming film, “The Passion of the Christ”: “There is no salvation for those outside the Church. Put it this way. My wife is a saint. She’s a much better person

than I am. (But) she’s Episcopalian. (S)he believes in God, she knows Jesus. (A)nd it’s just not fair if she doesn’t make it (to heaven); she’s better than I am. But that is a pronouncement from the chair (that she will not be saved). I go with it.” Bright Ideas Mile High Outfitters, a backcountry expedition organizer in Challis, Idaho, has petitioned the U.S. Forest Service for permission to install three commercial, recreational hot tubs smack in the middle of an unspoiled wilderness area, and the service is now considering the proposal (the public comment period having ended early this month). Each tub would require 1,250 gallons of water, heated by wood-burning stove, replenished every three days in-season, even though motorized vehicles to bring the water in are not now permitted. Least Competent Criminals At his trial in November for stealing the equivalent of U.S. $150,000 worth of jewelry from a house, Daniel Dady, 20, offered the defense of lack of motive, in that he had just inherited the equivalent of U.S. $30,000 and did not need more. The jury found him guilty anyway, and at his sentencing in January, Judge Peter Jacobs not only sentenced him to 4 1/2 years in detention, but also ordered him to hand over the inheritance to his victim as partial restitution (an inheritance the judge would not have known about had Dady not spoken up in November). Recurring Themes A suspected prostitute became the latest police detainee to commandeer a patrol car and drive it away after twisting her body to move her cuffed hands from behind her to the front of her (all in a briefer time than it took officers to walk around the outside of the car) (Kensington, Pa., February). And a Harrods Estates broker announced that he had sold a private, one-car parking space in the tony Knightsbridge section of London for the equivalent of U.S. $187,500. Also, in the Last Month Ms. Farrah Daly, 27, who told officers (upon her arrest for allegedly stealing $1 million in jewels from her employer) that she was too “cute” to go to prison, was sentenced to three years in prison (Akron, Ohio). And a 30-yearold man challenged as unconstitutional the police search of his 18-month-old son’s diaper that produced a stash of cocaine (a search the police defended as legal, in that they had noticed a “large load” in the diaper (Evansville, Ind.). And a restaurant selling only dishes made with Hormel Spam opened in an upscale shopping mall in Manila, Philippines. — Chuck Shepherd © United Press Syndicate

y boyfriend of two years is a terrific guy and very attractive. I know this sounds petty, but last week, he started slicking his hair back, and it looks terrible. I'm mad he'd do such a thing, but he says he thinks it looks good! While I guess I'll get used to it, it still feels like a slap in the face. — Wigging Bad hair is not a revenge move. That's why characters on “The Sopranos” generally bump off their enemies with handguns or blunt objects — they don't make them stare for hours at men in toupees. Like your boyfriend's hair mistake-over, the toupee is proof of a common blind spot in heterosexual men: The inability to see reality, as perceived by the rest of humanity, while looking directly into the mirror. A man sporting a headrug is under the impression he's hiding hair loss. Of course, he could be running down the street, naked and on fire, and it's the first thing anybody would see: "Mommy, Mommy, look at that man with the dead ferret where his hair should be!" Your boyfriend's greasy downward spiral probably traces back to one or both of the two main reasons for hetero male hair-fussing. First, there's Mob Envy: Inspired by the swagger of some gangster (or gangsta) on TV, a regular guy decides to danger up his image. One midnight drugstore run and a handful of Gangster-In-a-Bottle later, he's feeling more thug than tax accountant — and you're staring, speechless, at "The Man Who Mistook His Head For a Salad." Still, it could be worse: He could be one of those blond white guys with gangsta braids (Kennebunkport corn rows) and 25 pounds of electroplated bling. Such salon-style executions aren't so much about playing mobster just for kicks as they are about playing mobster (or metal-head, or cowboy industrialist) for an audience. Unlike women, men don't change their look simply because they woke up feeling, say, a little goth-erella one morning; they do it because they'd like to feel a little goth-erella in bed next to them that afternoon. The other big makeover motivator is, of course, Fleeting-Hair Phobia, the leading cause of the Extreme Comb-Over, aka the Comb-Around. That's when a guy nurtures his one remaining strand of hair until it's 26 miles long, then wraps it around his head thousands of times (clueless that the sexiest hairstyle, under the circum-

stances, is the confidence to say "I'm bald"). Are you getting the sense that maybe, just maybe, this wasn't about giving you a greasy slap in the face? If the guy was trying to tell you something, it was probably "I want you to want me," not "I want you to buy a used car from me." Unfortunately, he slipped and fell into a vat of hair goo, and that's how it came out. Those who "know what really matters" (have totally let themselves go) will blather on, ad sentimentalum, that what's in your boyfriend's heart, not on his head, is all that counts. They're wrong. In fact, your future together depends on whether you can find your way through his head lube to your libido. Just remember, you don't criticize a man into changing; you compliment him into doing it. "Can I confess something? I really miss how you used to wear your hair. It was totally sexy." (In other words, "I get completely hot for you when your hair is the other way.") Don't forget to mention how much you miss running your hands through his hair (just bite your tongue on "... and not having them come out feeling like one of the birds in the wake of the Exxon Valdez").

–––––––––––––––––––––––––––––––– Men I've dated who were honest about their reasons for dumping me helped me move on. My girlfriends, however, favor vague breakup excuses ("It's not you, it's me") to protect a man's ego. Is it really best to sugarcoat the truth? — Straight-Talker A guy gets involved with you because he wants a girlfriend, not an inventory of his shortcomings. His manners were a job for Mommy. His psychological issues are the business of his therapist or the orderlies strapping him down. And that weird thing he does in bed — that's a little surprise for his next girlfriend. No matter how plaintively he begs for details (ammunition to talk you out of leaving), when your services as girlfriend are no longer available to him, that's all he needs to know. If you can't help but help someone, bolt a loudspeaker to your car roof and offer candid advice to the vast population of motorists in need: "Yo, LOSER! The light doesn't get any greener!" Giving may be its own reward, but drivers you assist are sure to pass along a bonus package: Their own helpful hints on where you might store the suggestions you so generously dispensed to them.

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To respond to ads using a WHAT DO YOU HAVE TO LOSE? SWF, 48, Cancer, N/S, seeks WM, 40-56, who wants to have a great relationship. Why not give me a call? You never know. !511453 WHOLE LOTTA LOVE SBF, 33, would like to share movies, dinners, quiet evenings at home, the usual dating activities, with a great guy. !463610 LOOKING FOR YOU SWF, 37, 5’6”, Scorpio, N/S, enjoys mountains, bowling, the beach and music. Seeking WM, 35-48, N/S, to be a companion, friend. !456544

ARE YOU OUT THERE? SWM, 56, 135lbs, athletic build, employed, likes movies, quiet conversations, gospel music, C&W, snuggling and good company. Seeking SF, slim-average build, to share a lasting loving relationship. !979620 EYES STILL BLUE 6’, 190lbs, brown/blue, handsome, chef, pianist, will send photo. Seeks pretty female companion, 26-39, no kids, light smoker/drinker okay, for traveling, dating, possible LTR. !882215 SEEKING SOMEONE SPECIAL SBM, 61, Virgo, smoker, likes reading, movies, dining out, travel. Seeking outgoing, caring woman, 18-55, with similar interests, for LTR. !850674 ENJOY MY TIME SBM, 46, 5’8”, 190lbs, looking for SB/WF, 25-50, N/S, likes watching tv, going to the movies, cooking. Friendship and romantic times first, maybe more. !945941 NASCAR FAN SWM, 39, 5’11”, brown/hazel, average build, Libra, smoker, seeks an old-fashioned WF, 21-45, for LTR. !932866 KINDRED SPIRITS SBM, 54, 5’7”, average build, local truck driver, Taurus, marriage-minded, smoker, seeks BF, 42-60, a kind soul. !928892 PRINCE SBM, 27, 5’11”, 165lbs, enjoys music, travel, reading, dining. Seeking a woman who is outgoing, attractive, with similar interests for possible LTR. !954917

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Monday-Saturday 10am-9pm 2635 Washington Road | Augusta, Georgia 30904 | 706.738.7777 www.windsorjewelers.net ARE WE A GOOD MATCH? SWM, 37, brown/blue, Leo, smoker, enjoys outdoor sports, Nascar. Seeks caring woman, 25-50, who wants to be treated like a queen. !891638 TAKE A CHANCE SM, 39, 6’, 240lbs, laid-back, artistic, loves life and trying new things. Seeking SF for fun times, friendship, casual dates and maybe more. !976288 VELVET TEDDY BEAR SBM, 37, Sagittarius, N/S, in construction field, seeks an intelligent, attractive woman, 23-45, with healthy full figure, loving, caring, affectionate. !936899 NEW TO AREA SBM, 41, 6’3”, 205lbs, brown eyes, handsome, Libra, N/S, ISO honest, sincere, fullfigured woman, 20-60, race unimportant. !928684 I GIVE GOOD LOVE SM, 28, 5’5”, N/S, Virgo, enjoys sports, bowling, movies, going out, quiet times. Seeking a single lady, 26-34, same interests, for dating, possibly more. !957932 JUST LET ME KNOW SWM, 27, 5’10”, 165lbs, enjoys dining out, movies, music, conversation, traveling, romance, laughter and more. Seeking outgoing, intelligent, humorous SW/BF, 18-30, for companionship. !956434 CULTURED SWM, 31, 5’6”, athletic build, Cancer, N/S, would like to meet an athletic, energetic woman, 21-55, N/S. !926395 NO MORE GAMES SWM, 34, 6’4”, 190lbs, is in great shape, and is looking for a woman who keeps herself healthy and believes in honesty. !955377

ME AND MISS LADY SBM, 38, 6’1”, professional cook, likes sports, looking for a lady, 28-42, likes quiet times, walks in the park, family, fun. Does this sound like you? !951742 WHAT A CATCH Slim SBM, 22, 5’10”, green eyes, looking for a laid-back, cool girl, 18-29, very attractive, open mind. Let’s talk. !952108 FRIENDS OR... SWM, 36, 165lbs, athletic type, likes watching movies, some evenings out, dining, dancing. Seeking SW/HF, 20-45, slim to average build, same mindset, for possible LTR. !943034 LOVEABLE TEDDY BEAR SBM, 38, 6’2”, Cancer, smoker, loves sports, dinner, dancing, movies. Seeking woman, 20-45, smoker, to kick up her heels with me. !938554 MUCH TO OFFER SHM, 58, 5’10”, 185lbs, salt-n-pepper hair, retired, Virgo, N/S, loves trailer camping, mountains, beaches. Seeking WF, 48-62, N/S, retired a+. !937107 LOVES TO MAKE YOU LAUGH SBM, 37, 5’8”, slim build, Aquarius, smoker, disc jockey and pest control technician, seeks woman, 25-41, just as a friend. !939056 TO THE POINT SBM, 20, 5’11”, Libra, smoker, loves hanging out with friends and listening to music. Seeking a real woman, 20s, free of games. !924941 YOU NEVER KNOW... where this could lead. SBM, 24, Pisces, smoker, seeks BF, 20-30, for friendship, perhaps casual dating. !926708

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METRO SPIRIT - MARCH 25, 2004

MAYBE YOU’RE THE ONE? DWF, 52, 5’4”, brown/green, 170lbs, retired, secure, homeowner, loves sailing, cooking, gardening, shooting pool. Seeking considerate, pleasant SM who likes the same, for companionship and possible LTR. !980275 MORE THAN AVERAGE Slender SBF, 53, 5’2”, independent, Aries, smoker, loves music, conversation, laughter. Seeking independent, mature SBM, 4865, for friendship first. !369627 COMPANIONSHIP DWF, 50, interested in gardening, antiques and traveling. Churchgoer. Seeking DWM, 48-58, for loving, tender relationship. !732056 BE MY TEDDY BEAR SWF, 32, 5’3’’, 180lbs, auburn/blue, no kids, never married, enjoys movies, sports, travel, dining, bowling, cuddling, quiet evenings. Seeking honest, romantic SBM, similar interests, for dating, possible LTR. !894568 FRIEND IN FAITH SBF, 47, Capricorn, N/S, involved with church, very creative, artistic, designs tile and cards. Seeking BCM, 44-58, involved with church, who loves the Lord. !707742 SEEKING HONESTY SBF, 37, full-figured enjoys dining out, movies, reading, music, laughter, parks, and much more. Seeking similar SB/WF, 32-50, for friendship, maybe more. !964698 THE BOMB SWF, 18, with a full figure, seeks a male, 1825, who enjoys movies, dinner, for friendship and possibly more with time. !955355 COULD THIS BE YOU? SBF, 45, 5’4”, full-figured, Taurus, N/S, enjoys church, dining out, reading, and quiet times at home. ISO BM, 45-65, N/S, for LTR. !810309 ENDANGERED SPECIES SBF, 57, average build, independent, likes the good things life has to offer, fun to be with. Seeking SBM, 55-68, independent, honest and caring. !927805 DREAM GUY SBF, 29, searching for open-minded, outgoing SM, 22-38, military man A+, for friendship, fun nights out, dancing, talks and maybe more. !836990 OLD-FASHIONED LADY SWCF, 48, 5’3”, 150lbs, blonde/green, Scorpio, N/S, enjoys church, Bible studies, music, dining out. Seeking SWCM, 35-60, N/S, for friendship and more. !840939 CLOSER TO FINE SBF, 58, retired school teacher, N/S, enjoys traveling and tv. Seeking BM, 50-65, educated (high school at least, please), who enjoys having good clean fun. !909981 ISO CHRISTIAN VALENTINE SWCF, 61, outgoing, Libra, N/S, seeks SWCM, 59-65, with whom to share Christ, friendship, and laughter. Must be family-oriented, kind, outgoing, emotionally/financially secure. Let’s give our friendship a try. !911830 TALL BROWN SUGAR SBF, 25, 5’9”, N/S, enjoys movies, concerts, quiet times, and good music. Seeking WM, 23-30, N/S, no children. !906840

WANNA DANCE? SWF, 57, seeks dance partner for Salsa and Square Dancing! Any size, shape, big or tall, short or small, matters not! It’s the footwork that counts! Beginner-intermediate level. !898986 I WANT TO LOVE YOU SBF, 18, 5’2”, Cancer, enjoys writing poetry, walks on the beach, hanging out and enjoying life. Seeking BM, 18-24, who will treat her right, and expects the same in return. !880193 WAITING FOR YOU SB mom, 24, Virgo, seeks a man for days at the park, the mall, or at the movies, and spending time with family and friends. !883496 HIKER HEAVEN SWF, 45, full-figured, N/S, enjoys church, exploring, old movies, auctions, and gym. Seeking WM, 46-56, N/S. Let’s make tracks together. !807679 ALL YOU NEED IS LOVE Honest SWF, 28, 5’10”, 210lbs, blonde/blue, enjoys classic rock, horror movies, and quiet nights at home. Seeking SW/HM, 18-40, for friendship, possible LTR. !874789 LOVE OF LIFE Attractive, classy, vivacious SWCF, 50ish, N/S, N/D, seeks SWCM, N/S, N/D, who is honest, financially/mentally secure, and ready for commitment. !875741 SIMPLE KIND OF LIFE SWF, 34, listens to country and oldies music, and wants to meet a man to cuddle up on the couch and watch a good movie, or enjoy other simple pleasures. !860787 JAZZY MISS Slender and attractive SBPF, 31, loves music, conversation, travel. Seeking kind, friendly, honest and family-oriented SBM, 30-38, for fun times. !865339 LOOKING FOR ME Female, 34, Leo, smoker, seeks man, 2538, for romance, real friendship, with similar interests, possibly more later on. !844726 SOMEONE TO LOVE SWF, 48, enjoys a good horror movie, a drama or a comedy. Seeking a man for romance, quiet times at home, or just dancing the night away! !832399 LOVES TO BOWL WF, 48, petite, Capricorn, N/S, enjoys Chicano cuisines. Seeking WM, 46-59, N/S, very outgoing, for LTR. !806136 ADVENTUROUS MOM SBF, 29, Cancer, N/S, loves beaches, horror movies, and horseback riding. Seeking man, 25-40, N/S, strong-minded, who loves kids. !808682 A VERY SERIOUS WOMAN SBPF, 34, mother of 3, nurse, independent and secure, enjoys church, movies, dining. looking for commitment-minded, level-headed, spiritual, spontaneous, respectful man, who truly appreciates a good woman. Sound like you? !777612 AQUARIUS SEEKING SWF, 46, 5’6”, smoker, enjoys cuddling, movies, gardening. Seeking honest, handsome SWM, 40-50, with similar interests, with similar interests, for friendship, possible LTR. !759515 SEARCHING FOR MR RIGHT SBPF, 39, Libra, loves church, traveling, movies, and dining out. Seeking SBPM, 3760, for possible LTR. !421273 YOU KNOW WHAT TO DO SBF, 39, Leo, N/S, seeks BM, 38-45, downto-earth, very direct and straightforward, to have fun with. !582549

To become a member, call 1-888-223-7044 To listen and respond to ads, call 1-900-226-8908 Calls cost $1.99 per min., Must be 18+.

To respond to ads using a GREAT PERSONALITY SBM, 18, 6’3”, 220lbs, masculine build, seeking SBM, 18-29, very masculine, energetic, fun-loving, to go out for dinners, walks and more. !627150

DOGGONE LOVEABLE SWM, 37, Gemini, smoker, nature and animal lover (especially puppies), seeks outgoing, down-to-earth man, 20-70, for friendship. !909184 FUN-FILLED DAYS AWAIT SBM, 24, enjoys taking trips, nice restaurants, fun evenings, dancing, quality time together. Seeking masculine SBM, 20-55, for possible relationship. !894435 ACTIVE SBM SBM, 49, Pisces, N/S, enjoys bowling, movies, playing sports, seeks compatible BM, 30-46, N/S, with similar interests. !846543 TAKE A CHANCE GWM, 43, 6’2”, 195lbs, black brown, seeks other GWM, for fun times and maybe something more. !493530 IS IT YOU? Simple, easygoing SM, 47, enjoys bowling, music, cooking, more. Seeking outgoing lady for good times, talks, friendship and possible LTR. !975288 EASY TO TALK TO SWM, 48, loves good Italian or French cuisine, and is looking for a man who is easy to get along with, for romance. !870126 HEALTHY AND FIT SBM, 25, 5’5”, 170lbs, masculine, nighttime inventory stocker, Capricorn, N/S, enjoys working out. Seeking energetic, passionate, masculine WM, 20-50, N/S. !708544 GLOVERVILLE GUY GWM, Capricorn, N/S, loves bars, karaoke, cooking out, and pool. Seeking GWM, 2849, smoker, to cuddle up with. !936256 LET’S SADDLE UP SWM, 27, 5’8”, brown/brown, Virgo, smoker, loves horses, camping (with or without the horses), and traveling. Seeking man, 25-40, who can ride, ride, ride. !921725 LOOKING FOR COOL CAT... to converse with. SBM, 34, Capricorn, N/S, game and drama-free, seeks BM, 26-48, serious-minded, with sense of direction in life. !889038 LET’S GET TOGETHER GWPM, 37, 5’9”, brown/brown, who enjoys reading, movies, politics, entertainment, seeks a guy for dating, possibly growing into more. !883365 I WANT TO MEET YOU! GBM, 32, 5’7”, average build, Pisces, N/S, likes reading, movies, dining out, travel, sports. Seeking outgoing, caring GWM, 2445, with similar interests, for friendship, possible LTR. !850885 NO MORE DRAMA Good-hearted GBM, 33, N/S, looking for level-headed single guy, 25-48, who knows his direction in life, for no-games dating and LTR. !854633 INTERESTED? Independent SWM, 37, 5’8”, 150lbs, brown/brown, would like to meet fun-loving, honest, real, professional, secure female to share dates, talks, walks, dinners and romance. !848764 FUN TO HANG AROUND WITH GWM, 52, 5’2”, smoker, enjoys playing pool, having fun, seeks outgoing GWM, 40-55, smoker, with similar interests. !844895 SEEKING SPECIAL GENTLEMAN SBM, 33, 6’2”, 245lbs, Taurus, N/S, likes movies, camping, music, reading, sports. Seeking out GM, 35-48, for friendship, possible romance. !824261 FRIENDSHIP FIRST GWM, 26, 5’3”, athletic build, N/S, likes sports, working out, travel, reading, swimming. Seeking non-smoking GW/AM, 2026, with similar interests. !764332

METRO SPIRIT - MARCH 25, 2004

How do you

RELAXING AT HOME SBM, 35, Virgo, N/S, likes relaxing at home, fun, concerts, trips going to the beach. Seeks fun, spontaneous SBM, 26-37, N/S. !532700 LET’S MEET FOR COFFEE Good-looking GWM, 36, 6’, 200lbs, muscular, tan, enjoys working out, yard work, spending time with my dogs. Looking for attractive SM, 32-48, for dating, maybe leading to LTR. !436231 ME IN A NUTSHELL WM, 18, brown/blue, medium build, looking for fun, outgoing, energetic guy, 18-30, for movies, hanging out, quiet evenings at home, and more. Friends first, maybe becoming serious. !425471

WHY NOT CALL? SBF, 41, seeks goal-oriented, caring SBF with children ok, for friendship, dating and possible relationship. !976521

WHY WAIT? SWF, 38, 5’6”,140lbs, short brown hair, easygoing, enjoys playing golf, the beach. Seeking feminine female, 20-40, to have fun times and more. !448489 LOVES CHILDREN Easygoing, nice SF, 32, looking for someone with the same qualities, 29-39, and a people person. !388943 SOMETHING SPECIAL DWF, 45, 5’8”, 145lbs, two kids at home, loves heavy metal music. Seeking SWF, 3050, likes being around kids, for possible LTR. !945525 AFRICAN-AMERICAN STUD Open-minded, spontaneous, laid-back SBF, 23, Pisces, N/S, loves R&B and old-school music. Seeking feminine woman, 25-50, race not important, who loves to have fun. !919677 READY TO HAVE FUN! SF, 25, seeks femme, 25-35, race not important, who is nice, pretty, slim. Let’s talk and get to know one another! !895256 WAITING FOR YOU SBF, 19, is in search of a friend first, maybe more with time, with a lady who likes to get out and have fun. !874312 ONLY A WOMAN WILL KNOW GBF, Capricorn, N/S, likes reading, movies, dining out, travel, sports. Seeking outgoing, caring GWF, 27-52, N/S, with similar interests, for dating and more. !850614 THE SWEETEST THING SBF, 26, 5’8”, 145lbs, wants to get out and have fun with a new friend, maybe more with time. !832018

1 YOU’VE BEEN LOOKING FOR BiWF, 27, enjoys everything, promises you won’t regret it. If you’re looking for a good time and friendship, I’ll be perfect for you. !830500 PLAYS GUITAR, WRITES... poetry, and rollerblades. Native-American/ African-American female, 18, 5’5”, 117lbs, very toned, laid-back, a goofball at times, N/S, seeks woman, 18-29. !818596 BONEVILLE BABE SWF, 31, 5’5”, 130lbs, brown/green, smoker, enjoys playing golf, movies, and picnics at the lake. Seeking WF, 25-40, for friends, possibly more. !818908 DIVA WITH DIMPLES Independent DWF, 23, Gemini, smoker, enjoys hip-hop, R&B, and country music. Seeking WF, 20-30, smoker, for friendship, possible romance. !808179 GET TO KNOW ME SBF, 25, Taurus, N/S, enjoys movies, travel. Seeking woman, 21-30, N/S, for friendship, possible romance. !803723 A LOT TO OFFER Non-smoking GBF, 37, N/S, seeks very attractive, unique, romantic, fun, intelligent, feminine GF, 27-37, for friendship, dating, possibly more. !749660 JUST THE FACTS SBPF, 41, Libra, N/S, seeks PF, age and race unimportant, who enjoys dining out, quiet times at home, and movies, for LTR. !730225

SEEKING ADVENTURE SWPM, 44, 6’2”, slender, Sagittarius, smoker, loves to travel. Seeking woman, 18-30, slender or average-sized. !910584 LET’S TALK! SBM, 19, 6’, 145lbs, looking for a female, 18-29, who is down-to-earth, knows how to have fun! !900587 HOW DO I SOUND TO YOU? Handsome, financially secure SWM, 54, enjoys the outdoors, long walks, swimming, dining out, biking and much more. Seeking intelligent, caring, trustworthy SW/AF, 3855, for friendship, maybe more. !960841 LET ME LOVE YOU SWM, 37, 6’, 200lbs, Cancer, N/S, in construction work, loves camping. Looking to meet a nice WF, 40-60, with whom to share what lovers do. !908620 A LITTLE TLC DWM, 49, 5’11”, 195lbs, homeowner, financially secure, enjoys cooking, home life, motorcycle riding. Looking for attractive WF, 35-50, with similar interests. !938440 PLEASE, PLEASE ME SWM, 32, N/S, N/D, is looking for a woman, 27-35, with a petite build, to share good times, conversations and maybe more. !871092 I LOVE MY DOG... but I can’t take her to the movies. Puerto Rican SHM, 22, 5’9”, long curly (sometimes braided) hair, smoker, works in collections. Seeking BF, 18-40, for friendship, possible romance. !914936 TENDER, LOVING CARE SWM, 40, enjoys sports, hanging out and just having fun. Seeking a lady who needs more romance in her life. !895728 CONTACT ME! DM, 34, 160lbs, sandy blond, would like to meet a female, 19-38, for movies, dining, and more! !891732 MUST LOVE THE LORD SBM, 56, 5’7’’, N/S, likes sports, gospel music, exercise, steak. Seeking SBF, 39-42, N/S, for friendship first, see what develops. !891808 A NEW YEAR SBM, 29, 5’7”, 145lbs, with a handsome face, seeks a woman who is petite, pretty, and occasionally crazy, to hang out, maybe more. !884263 YOU AND ME SHM, 30, 5’7”, black/black, with tanned skin, enjoys sports, and is looking for a woman, 20-32, to share the fun stuff of life. !881180 AVERAGE JOE SWM, 52, is in search of a woman who enjoys games of golf, riding motorcycles, trips to the beach, or anything with the right guy. !861645 GIVE ME A CALL SWM, 40, 5’8”, 185lbs, salt-n-pepper/green, N/S, enjoys fishing, horseback riding, stargazing, martial arts, reading, quiet times home. Seeking that special woman to share life, laughs and maybe love. !834688 WELL-ROUNDED MAN Educated SBPM, 41, 5’11”, loves reading, working out, the arts, dining out, travel, quiet times. Would like to meet SWF, 30-45, with similar interests, for fun, friendship, and maybe more. !442021 HEART OF GOLD SWM, 31, 6’3”, 210lbs, brown/blue, enjoys reading, movies, travel, sports. Seeking outgoing, attractive SF, with similar interests, for friendship, possible LTR. !556440 LOOKING FOR MS. RIGHT SWM, 37, 5’9”, 180lbs, enjoys biking, sports, travel, dining out. Seeking outgoing, attractive SF, with similar interests, for friendship, possible LTR. !557954

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Premier Entertainment Complex & High Energy Dance Music Thursday, Mar 25th Karaoke with Dana Friday, Mar 26th Clint’s Party Saturday, Mar 27th SASHA

Mind, Body & Spirit

MARLBORO STATION !

! ! !

Drink Specials: FRI & SAT Famous Beer Bust All You Can Drink $9

Friday, April 2nd Charlie Brown Open Mon-Fri 8pm-3am Sat 8pm-2:30am

Fri & Sat. No Cover Before 10 p.m. 1632 Walton Way • Augusta, GA

706-733-2603

Email: ColiseumAugusta@aol.com

! !

$1.00 D ra Every N ft ight All Nigh t

Train for a Rewarding Career in Massage Therapy in only 7 months Call Today for Details!

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“UNDER NEW OWNERSHIP” STARLIGHT CABARET THURS - Dance Party FRI -Dana Andrews

SAT - Miss Peg SUN- April Alexander

733-2040

141 Marlboro Street, N.E. Aiken S.C. • 803-644-6485

DOORS OPEN AT 9:00 • 18 to Party • 21 to Drink >> No Cover With This Ad <<

Augusta School of Massage Inc.

3512 1/2 Wheeler Road • Augusta, GA 30909 Private Investigator

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C A R D

Turn Your “Trash” Into Cash!

Sell your unwanted items or advertise your garage or yard sale in Metro Spirit Classifieds.

Call 738-1142 We accept VISA or Mastercard. *And remember ... one person’s trash is another man’s treasure. General Help Wanted

Announcements

RYDER CUP TICKETS Will trade two Sunday Ryder Cup Tickets for two Friday/Saturday Masters Tickets. Ron 315-253-3614 (03/25#8399)

www.metrospirit.com

Premier Investigations •Domestic •Child Custody •Surveillance •Background Checks 706-869-1667 (03/25#8390)

Travel

341 S. Belair Rd. Open from 9 a.m. til 9 p.m. Call (706) 733-5851

Full Body Massage! Therapeutic tension relief, intense or tender touch, relaxing music, aromatherapy, by appointment only - $49.00/hr. Call Joy - 706-771-9470 or John - 803-361-8811 (03/25#8398)

Music

Rosedale Transport Needs OTR Drivers, both team and solo. If you have one year experience, CDL Class A with haz-mat, good driving record. Home weekly, 1-800-486-3681 (03/25#8378)

WOLFF TANNING BEDS

GUARANTEED SOLUTIONS

LICENSED • INSURED

706-869-9988

www.sundownconstruction.com Love’s Wedding Chapel All types of ceremonies NO BLOOD TEST!!!! NO WAITING PERIOD!!!!

Cadillac’s Carnival Cruise Four days to the Bahamas September 26, 2004 All inclusive: • Meals • Enter tainment • ALCOHOL & NON-ALCOHOLIC Beverages For a low price, star ting at $410.00/pp Book now for a great vacation with your friends and the staff from Cadillac's. For details call 414-9392 or 828-5800 at The Vacation Shoppe (03/25#8380)

Metropolitan Community Church of Our Redeemer A Christian Church reaching to all: including Gay, Lesbian, and Transgendered Christians. Meeting at 557 Greene Street, 11 am and 6 pm each Sunday. 722-6454 MCCOurRedeemer@aol.com www.mccoor.com (03/25#8128)

Unlimited Long-Distance & Local Calling One Price, One Bill, One Company Keep Your Same Phone # Call 1-800-392-4050 Eula NEX X Independent Rep www.nex xrep.com/134741 (03/25#8377)

Wheels

Dead Bodies Wanted

We want your dead junk or scrap car bodies. We tow away and for some we pay. 706/829-2676

706/798-9060

THANK YOU

For Supporting For Supporting Our Advertisers Our Advertisers

MASTERS PARTY? Live jazz for Masters gatherings, private par ties, weddings, etc. Acoustic Jazz Quintet. Book Now! Call 738-5606 (03/25#8379)

• French Drains • Gutter Drains • Catch Basins • Erosion Control • Waterproofing • Crawl Space

Telephone Service

Religion

Equipment

Poor Water Drainage?

Love & Light Healing Center 2477 Wrightsboro Road 706-733-8550 or cell 951-1300 (03/25#8370)

Massage is wonderfully soothing Massage promotes optimal health in mind, body, and spirit. Swedish • Shiatsu • Stress Relief Call Sasha 706-841-0039 or 770-490-3608 (03/25#8400)

Employment

AFFORDABLE • CONVENIENT Tan At Home Payments From $25/month FREE Color Catalog Call Today 1-800-842-1305 (03/25#8320)

RAY WILLIAMSON & ASSOCIATES Private Investigations 17 years experience Domestic Relations and Child Custody Cases Licensed and Bonded in Georgia & Carolina 706-854-9672 or 706-854-9678 fax (03/25#8389)

Services

METRO SPIRIT - MARCH 25, 2004

FOR WOMEN ONLY Women of The Augusta Naturists will be holding a WINR (Women in Nude Recreation) information meeting for prospective female nudists April 15, 2004 If interested, please call 278-1835 for information. Sorry guys, this is for LADIES ONLY! ht tp://www.knology.net/~nudlikeme2/main.htm (03/25#8397)

59 People needed to lose weight! All natural, doctor recommended 100% Guaranteed Call for free sample, 706-284-7650 (03/25#8368)

R E A D I N G S

Mrs. Graham, Psychic Reader, Advises on all affairs of life, such as love, marriage, and business. She tells your past, present and future. Mrs. Graham does palm, tarot card, and Chakra balancing. She specializes in relationships and reuniting loved ones.

SPECIAL READINGS WITH CARD

MRS. GRAHAM

Pilates

Begin a New Career in Massage Therapy

Aiken’s Ultimate Dance Club ! !

Call 738-1142 to place your Classified ad today!