Metro Spirit 04.08.2004

April 8-14 Vol. 15 No. 36

Augusta’s Independent Voice

INCENSE PAGE 13

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HISTORIC DOWNTOWN AIKEN Features

An Art Walk From 6pm to 9pm

April 15 and May 20 Rabold Gallery 146A Laurens Street SW 803-641-4405 The Jackson Gallery 300 Park Avenue SE 803-648-7397 The Arnold Gallery 321 Richland Avenue West 803-502-1100

Aiken Center for the Arts and Aiken Artist Guild 122 Laurens Street SW 803-641-9094 Studio 143 SW 143 Laurens Street SW Loft Studios 116 Laurens Street SW

Augusta Regional Transportation Study Long Range Transportation Plan Update NOTICE OF PUBLIC MEETINGS The public is invited to participate in the initial planning stages of the Augusta Regional Transportation Study Long Range Plan Update. Three meetings will be conducted to introduce the study planning process, discuss major transportation issues and concerns, and gather public feedback. All meetings will begin with an open house followed by a formal presentation and question and answer period. Meeting dates, times, and locations are provided below.

Monday, April 12 Columbia County Government Center Auditorium 630 Ronald Reagan Drive, Building A Evans, Georgia 30809 Time: 5:30 – 7:30 PM Tuesday, April 13 Aiken Municipal Building - Conference Center 214 Park Avenue, SW Aiken, SC 29801 Time: 11:30 AM – 1:30 PM *Refreshments will be provided

and Augusta-Richmond County Civic Center 601 7th Street, Meeting Room C Augusta, GA 30901 Time: 5:30 – 7: 30 PM

Artists’ Parlor Craft Gallery 126 Laurens Street NW 803-648-4639 Southern Moon Pottery 310 Richland Avenue West 803-641-2309

For additional information or if you require special accommodations, please contact:

Connie’s Framing 3331/2 Park Avenue SW 803-643-3696

Columbia County:

Tim Young at tyoung@co.columbia.ga.us Phone (706) 868-3400

Aiken County:

Stephen Strohminger at sstrohminger@aikencountysc.gov Phone (803) 642-1520

Augusta:

Paul DeCamp at pdecamp@augustaga.gov Phone (706) 821-1796

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gardening tips and film reviews to in-depth news analysis, Peabody

Call us at (800) 654-3038 or visit us at www.gpb.org for more information about our programming.

METRO SPIRIT ON THE COVER 13 The Allure of Incense

Cover Design: Shawn Sutherland

By Brian Neill

OPINION 6 Whine Line 6 This Modern World 6 Words 8 Thumbs Up/Down 9 Letter 10 Insider

BITE 22 Want Some Local Flavor? Check Out These Favorites 23 In the Mix

EVENTS 25 Calendar

APRIL 8-14 • FREE WEEKLY • METROSPIRIT.COM

CINEMA 31 Flix 34 The Rock Inflicts Righteous Mayhem in “Walking Tall�

35 “The Alamo� — Good Characters and Not Much Else 36 Reel Time

FEATURES 17 Doing Eugene Debs Proud

ARTS 24 What? You’re Still in Augusta?

Contents 13

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MUSIC 38 Third Day and Toby Mac Join Forces for Tour 39 Larry Jon Wilson Delivers a Down-Home Experience 41 Sightings 42 Golf by Turner 42 Music Minis 44 After Dark STUFF 47 Brezsny’s Free Will Astrology 47 New York Times Crossword Puzzle 48 News of the Weird 48 Amy Alkon: Advice Goddess 49 Datemaker 51 Classifieds

EDITOR & PUBLISHER David Vantrease ARTS & ENTERTAINMENT EDITOR Rhonda Jones STAFF WRITERS Stacey Eidson, Brian Neill ADVERTISING SALES MANAGER Joe White

PRODUCTION MANAGER Joe Smith

ADVERTISING SALES SUPPORT Riali Blackstock, Michelle Dove

ARTS & ENTERTAINMENT INTERN Andy Stokes

GRAPHIC ARTISTS Ange Hagler, Natalie Holle, Shawn Sutherland ARTS & ENTERTAINMENT ASSISTANT Lisa Jordan

ACCOUNTING MANANGER/CLASSIFIEDS Sharon King SENIOR MUSIC CONTRIBUTOR Ed Turner CONTRIBUTING WRITERS Amy Alkon, Rob Brezsny, Rachel Deahl, David Elliott, Amy Fennell Christian CARTOONISTS Tom Tomorrow

Metro Spirit is a free newspaper published weekly on Thursday, 52 weeks of the year. Editorial coverage includes arts, local issues, news, entertainment, people, places and events. In our paper appear views from across the political and social spectrum.

The views do not necessarily represent the views of the publishers. Visit us at www.metrospirit.com. Copyright Š Metro Spirit, Inc. Reproduction or use without permission is prohibited. Phone: (706) 738-1142 Fax: (706) 733-6663 E-mail: spirit@metrospirit.com Letters to the Editor: P.O. Box 3809, Augusta, Ga. 30914-3809

Photo by Rebecca Rogers

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METRO SPIRIT - APRIL 8, 2004

&URY S &ERRY 2OAD 3UITE &URY S &ERRY 3TATION s !UGUSTA '! s FAX

OPINION

T

o the person complaining about Sheriff Clay Whittle not having deputies cover your church traffic for free as he does some others.

Make sure you ask him now. Since he’s facing such a tough upcoming election, I bet you could actually get what you want out of him now. At least maybe now he will return a phone call or be ever so visible to the public.

Is it true John Kerry and Richard Clarke have set up headquarters at the Waffle House?

They’re making a film about Michael Jackson! The Title? “Family Values”!

They’re kidding, right?

You mean there’s actually someone in this town with a remote control who stays home on Saturday nights to watch a lame local “rock” show on Fox 54?

If anyone out there believes John Kerry will create 10 million new jobs, understand that cashing a government check isn’t a job.

Is the price of the old Regency Mall going to magically inflate when the commission finally gets enough input to choose it for the next boondoggle? Does this state have an ethics watchman or GAO-type bureau? I say put the courthouse in downtown on Greene if possible. Where are your aesthetics, people?

It’s really a shame that Charles Larke is too busy a man to take a vacation. Just this weekend, March 26th, he is attending the national superintendent’s conference in Orlando, Fla., staying at a plush hotel inside Disney World. And to think he is just too busy to enjoy the splendor of all that surrounds him. Isn’t that just the saddest thing?

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METRO SPIRIT - APRIL 8, 2004

It is about eight months before Christmas. Is the BBQ going to start playing Christmas music again to jack the ratings up?

Whine Line Would someone please explain to me why Clear Channel and Eagle 102 are perfectly content to carry dumb-boy and silly four hours a day, six days a week, but they can’t find four hours a month for Ed Turner’s Mad Music Asylum? I don’t get it.

Why doesn’t Fort Gordon keep their beautiful bricks and antique lumber? The post is loaded with buildings that people live and work in everyday that are screaming for a facelift and a bit of style.

If Augusta is fighting to keep the post open, why don’t we buff the old girl up?

Think “This Old House” a la military style. Old concrete, narrow sidewalks could be edged with brick to widen them.

The entrances of many buildings have no style at all. Anyone who has ever been to a concert or a play could donate a tree or azalea.

When I heard folks talking about “blood for oil,” I thought they meant over there not over here.

Hey, South Carolina, I filed my taxes electronically so that I could get my income tax money back quicker.

Apparently, you’re not on the ball. All I have to say is, “Where is the money, South Carolina?”

Waiters and waitresses, please stop using the word “guy” when greeting your patrons. My wife is not a guy, my daughter is not a guy and I’m old enough to be your daddy.

So, Canada is sending the U.S. these Cicada bugs. Well! Do you remember all of those pesticides that we’ve banned? I think that we should send them all up to Canada! I mean, we gotta get rid of both; those bugs and those pesticides Why are they leaving those eyesore, abandoned houses on Laney-Walker?

This will be a good scene for the Masters visitors. They will doubt the city’s logo, “The Garden City.” There is a house that has been there over 100 years and they

Words “We look forward to spirited debates at an appropriate time, but Senator [John] Kerry needs to finish the debate with himself.”

— Bush campaign spokesman Scott Stanzel, quoted in The New York Times, after being pressed on the issue of staging future Bush-Kerry debates.

are planning to destroy it? When? A hundred years from now? I am sure the previous occupants will be glad to see it bulldozed rather than the way it presently is viewed and being used. It is a terrible eyesore. If possible, please find out the demolition schedule.

I just finished the article, “Inside the BOE Spin Zone.” The last line that Mechelle Jordan said was, “I’m disappointed that people can’t see past, $94,000.” I work in Richmond County with people whose children go to Richmond County schools. From what these people have told me, there are students who don’t have all their textbooks, there are bathrooms where there is no toilet paper or paper towels, much less soap or hot water. The parents are asked to provide toilet paper, paper towels and other essential school supplies. I wonder if these parents would like to know how it is that someone can get paid $94,000 for vacation pay when they themselves probably don’t make that much in two years, yet are asked to provide basic items for school. I think that Mechelle Jordan might need to get out of the office more and talk to some of the parents who have to provide these things and ask their opinion on the $94,000 question. By the way, why does everything have to become a race issue? Dr. Larke, some people just can’t see past the color on their nose. If the shoe fits, wear it.

My Whine: Yes our Republican representatives are true examples of civility.

State Representative Earl Ehrhart (R) told fellow Republican Judy Manning to “Shut up, b*#*#” while arguing over a water authority bill. While other women in the House criticized Ehrhart for his words, Augusta’s own Sue Burmeister leapt to his defense, saying Manning should be willing to rumble and “not hide behind her skirt.” Yes, Sue is one class act.

Columbia County Republican Chairman Lee Muns and Richmond County Democrat Chairman Lowell Greenbaum held a debate on TV recently. What a show! Moe and Curly are alive and well, and both chairmen are embarrassments to Republicans and Democrats alike.

Columbia County Commissioner Mercer is keeping his head down and his mouth shut, both of which are smart moves. He has already convinced many voters of his shortfalls, as well as his double-talk skills. Is anyone going to surface as an alternative to Slo’ Ole Tom? Joey Brush should announce his intent to not run for reelection right now if he wants to avoid further discussion of his disgraceful behavior. Quit now while you’re ahead, Joey! continued on page 8

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The Aiken Community Playhouse Presents:

By Rebecca Gilman

Directed by Thurmond Whatley

April 2-4 • 9-10 • 16-17

Thumbs Up To the Augusta Canal Authority for winning a 2003 Georgia Historical Society local history achievement award for the Canal Interpretive Center in Enterprise Mill and the replica Petersburg boat rides.

Anyone who has not seen these attractions is missing out.

The 10,000-square-foot interpretive center, constructed at a cost of $3.3 million, is a treat for visitors and Augusta residents alike, as is the tour of the Augusta Canal on the Petersburg boat.

Get out and see this, folks.

Thumbs Down

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MATURE THEME AND EXPLICIT LANGUAGE

Monday • 7:30pm Channel 4

THE MORRIS MUSEUM OF ART Jazz on film series The Augusta Care Pregnancy Center’s Walk for Life The CSRA Middle School & High School All-Star Games with Ashley Brown

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METRO SPIRIT - APRIL 8, 2004

A peek inside the home of Charles Howel III with Chris Kane

Larry DeMeyers The CSRA Alliance for Ft. Gordon Call in your questions & comments to 739-1822 or e-mail at connectlive@comcast.net Replays: Daily at 12 Noon, 3pm, and 10:30pm on

Channel 66

These Confederate flaggers never cease to amaze in terms of their asinine qualities.

Last week, a group of 400 or so of them turned up on the steps of the state Capitol in Atlanta to protest doing away with the 1956 state flag, which incorporated the emblem. The Confederates cry, history! And in its context, the 1956 flag was historic. It was meant to show people of color who was boss.

Anyway, these neo-Confederate knuckleheads figured they’d march right into the Capitol with their flagpoles. But according to a story in The Atlanta Journal-Constitution, the security at the building said the flags could come in, but the unwieldy poles had to stay out. This, of course, continued from page 6 From what I hear, laughter is healthy. If so, your April Fool’s jokes were like a shot in the arm. Thanks to your writers for such a wacky, wonderful sense of humor. Wish you could do an article on these writers so we could get to know them better. Keep up the good work.

Thanks.

My whine is against the Richmond County School Board. I agree with the caller who said we are going to do everything we can to replace them. They all think they are holier than thou. They get paid way too much money for doing way too little work.

In regards to the new sports arena at Regency Mall, there was a line in a popular movie that said, “If you build it, they will come.” But that was in Iowa, and this is Augusta.

roused the rabble into shouted accusations of conspiracy. One person, according to the newspaper, even suggested people would be “surrendering your colors” if they took their flags off the poles.

We have an idea: If these people want to continue fighting the Civil War for the Confederacy, set a date and time on a large open field. Bring everyone, along with their muzzleloaders, cannons, pikes, what have you. Then dress up Special Forces troops in Union Army uniforms. Give them tanks, helicopters, M-16s, laser-guided missiles — all that good stuff.

Now that would be a Civil War reenactment worth seeing.

What kind of human relations do we have in Augusta when its director, Frank Thomas, snookered Greenbaum into debating Muns on his television show and then sent the tape to Austin Rhodes, who tried to savage Greenbaum over two days.

Good job, Frank, but it didn’t work. We still love Greenbaum and we sure found out about you!

While I agree with the sentiments of last week’s “Thumbs Down” that the editorial page of the Chronicle is so rabidly rightwing that it’s not worthy of attention, I’d like to add something else. Readers may not realize this, but unlike the vast majority of newspapers in the country, editors in the newsroom at the Chronicle have zero input on the editorial page. Zilch. Nada. Nothing.

Everything comes from the man in the cowboy hat, and his minions on the editorial page have nothing to do with the ink-

stained wretches who report actual facts. So when Mike Ryan spouts gibberish about Osama bin Laden preferring John Kerry as president, rest assured there are plenty of us who are mortified to share a byline in the same newspaper.

If you are driving at night with your highbeams on and there is a car in front of you and you can see their tail lights, then you need to turn off the high-beams. I am so tired of high-beams in my view, especially if you are driving into Appling or any road that has no streetlights. If you need your high-beams at night, then you don’t need to be driving at night.

Re: “9/11 Panel’s Report to Surprise.”

Surprise? B.S.! We knew that bin Laden was behind the first attempt. We have all of these laws that we follow. Why? 1.)

You find who’s responsible. 2.) You “whack him”. No surprises. No B.S. Just swift justice!

Does it strike anybody as curious that Bill Clinton had to testify in public and under oath about his sex life, yet George Bush testifies in secret with Dick Cheney at his side and not under oath about 9/11?

Well, I finally figured out what the biggest problem is with this country: Too many poor, working-class people thinking they are and, therefore, voting Republican.

Folks, the party picks you, not the other way around. Here’s a quick way to find out what party you belong to: Get out your last year’s tax file and find the total gross income. If the figure is six digits or more, congratulations: You’re a Republican. If it’s anything less, you’re Democrat.

I just came back from First Friday, and I cannot believe the city lets all those dogs out there during the event! What are some of these people thinking? I have small children, and these dogs are a menace. My kids were scared of all these dogs. This may be a free country, but the freedom to be an idiot is not listed in the Bill of Rights. If these people want to take their dogs out, they can do it where they’re not infringing on other people’s rights to be free of all those dogs downtown. How many people have to get attacked by a dog before the city wises up?

Call our Whine Line at 510-2051 and leave your comments. We won’t use your name. Fax your whines by dialing (706) 733-6663 or e-mail your whines to whine@metrospirit.com.

Check us out on the web at www.metrospirit.com

OPINION

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Parkinson’s Disease Symposium April 17, 9 a.m. - 12 noon People with Parkinson’s disease, family and friends are invited. Issues addressed include future treatments, neuropsychiatric symptoms, non-motor functions and surgical perspectives of Parkinson’s Disease.

Registration is free but required. Seating is limited, so please register early by calling (706) 721-2798 between 9 a.m. and 4 p.m.

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After reading the Whine Line in the March 11 Metro Spirit and seeing the hatred spewing from several of the whines, I felt I couldn’t sit still and allow those whines to go unchallenged. I love this country too much to allow it to be destroyed by the likes of people like them. And they are trying to destroy this country.

One whine defined Democrats as liberal and “against everything America was founded upon …”

I very much doubt that writer even knows what a “liberal” is, since his definition was probably obtained from Rush Limbaugh. But I can assure you liberals are very much against spreading hatred and dividing our nation, and you certainly cannot say that about the Republican fascists. I would love to know what that writer defines as “everything America was founded upon.” Maybe that writer is like the hero of the right wing — George W. Bush (you remember him — the only president not elected, but appointed). Mr. Bush seems to make up “profound” statements, as he feels the need, to cover up some lie or misdeed, whether they be true or not. Matter of fact, it is difficult to believe he has told the whole truth since he has been in office, though I have the unpleasant feeling most Republicans consider him a saint.

Thomas Jefferson, Alexander Hamilton and George Washington were all liberals in their time, Jefferson especially. America was born a liberal nation, and much of the positive contributions to the life of the world have been the work of liberals. Name one positive program of any import instituted in the past 25 years by a Republican administration, which benefitted all Americans and not just some cronies of the sitting president. You could probably go back much further than 25 years without finding one. But since the right wing took over the Republican Party with the election of Ronald (the Teflon president — no misdeed would stick to him) Reagan, the party really should change its name to the Fascist Party.

And to think, we fought against those people during World War II! The Constitution itself is a liberal

achievement. But it is gradually being nibbled away at by the right wing.

They will not rest until our rights guaranteed by the first 10 amendments are destroyed, or, at the very least, subverted for their purposes.

I can assure you that, if we had waited for the Republicans to enact Social Security, we would have had a very long wait indeed. It would not exist. But they have attempted to destroy our Social Security system ever since its inception, and if the Republicans are able to lie their way into the White House again, I am afraid Social Security is on its way out. The Republican administration would rather give our money to their corporate and rich political contributors, than to the people it belongs to. They ought to hang their heads in shame!

The present administration is by far the most corrupt this country has ever experienced. You have to look no further than to Mr. Cheney, our vice president. Both he and the president belong in prison. I am simply amazed Mr. Bush has not been impeached. (Couldn’t be because of the Republican majority in Congress, could it?)

After all, Mr. Clinton was impeached simply for having sex with “that woman” and lying about it. That lie simply pales in comparison with Mr. Bush’s Iraq mess, and also his deserter status during the Vietnam War. I guess the rich oil people can buy their way out of anything, no matter how serious. And I guess the Texas National Guard can be bought. I haven’t even hit the tip of the iceberg on this subject. I just wonder how much longer the American people will believe the Bush lies.

By the way, I am white and a native of the Central Savannah River Area. I am a military veteran, and proud of it. I can’t figure out where the Republicans got the idea that only they are loyal to their country.

Years ago, when I was young and stupid, I voted Republican a few times, but after educating myself on what they were up to, I saw the error of my ways. It is crystal clear to me which party is for all Americans, and not just the rich and powerful.

(Hint: It isn’t the Republican Party!)

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APRIL 30th - MAY 2nd Register at Augusta Municipal Golf Course or at any area course.

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METRO SPIRIT - APRIL 8, 2004

Monday - Thursday 11 am - 3 pm • 5 pm - 10 pm • Friday - Saturday 11 am - 3 pm • 5 am - 10:30 pm

Kolb Dodges a Bullet

J

ust last week, Richmond County Administrator George Kolb was said to be “toast.” According to very reliable sources close to the Augusta Commission and the mayor’s office, city officials finally agree that it is time for Kolb to go and they cooked up a plan to fire him at the April 6 commission meeting, the week of Masters. It appears that commissioners who have been anxious to dump Kolb for months are now joined by the mayor and newcomers on the commission in an effort to oust the city administrator once and for all.

After all the talk of last week, the April 6 meeting passed and Kolb still has his job.

What’s going on?

After the 2003 November election, the passing of late Commissioner Lee Beard and the appointment of Steve Shepard as city attorney, the complexion of the commission changed drastically. Betty Beard took her husband’s seat in District 1 and Barbara Sims was appointed to Steve Shepard’s District 3 seat. Don Grantham won the District 10 election and Jimmy Smith took over for District 8. At the time, these new commissioners were not willing to join forces with other commissioners who wanted to fire Kolb. Ultimately, commissioners renewed Kolb’s contract for another year. Now, the newbies on the commission are apparently ready to oust the administrator. It is only a matter of time, according to insiders.

Several commissioners and the mayor thought they would take less heat for terminating Kolb during the week of Masters because all media and public attention would be on the golf tournament. Plus, many Augustans are out of town during the week of the tournament and they would not receive the news until days after the firing.

Ultimately, cooler (and smarter) heads prevailed, realizing that Masters week would be a lousy time to do the deed.

Another negotiating point slowing down the process is the fate of Public Works Director Teresa Smith. Those commissioners who have been reluctant to fire Kolb will vote to dismiss him if the anti-Kolb folks will agree to relieve Smith of her duties.

A hilarious but practical advice column on love,

dating, and relationships.

George Kolb Commissioners and the mayor are unhappy with the way Smith runs her department.

Delayed projects, bad morale at Public Works, Smith’s management style and her personal clashes with several commissioners contribute to the perception that Augusta’s Public Works Department is in shambles.

The political deal to dump Kolb and Smith has been rumored for months, but now it appears to be getting closer. Stay tuned.

Strange Move?

Weeks ago The Insider reported that Tammy Strange, the city’s deputy finance director, wanted to become the finance director at Augusta Regional Airport. It was apparent that airport Director Buster Boshears wanted Strange for the job and an effort was launched to raise the pay scale of the airport job in order to attract Strange. On Tuesday, April 6, Augusta commissioners voted not to raise the pay for the position. Insiders at the marble palace report that Strange could go to the airport anyway, possibly as early as next week.

The views expressed in this column are the views of The Insider and do not necessarily represent the views of the publisher.

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METRO SPIRIT - APRIL 8, 2004

The Allure of Incense

F

“Incense, you know, is an aspect of aromatherapy,” Cartwright said, before lighting some sandalwood powder in a wooden incense burner inside his store.

“A positive scent will bring forth positive vibrations.”

While not mandated, McDonald said the use of incense is often a part of Catholic masses. Most of McDonald’s congregation have come to associate the

plain relaxation, many agree that burning incense can provide comfort and solace in a fast-paced, stress-filled world.

Although incense sales are hard to track, owing to a preponderance of small, independent producers, information contained in a

“A positive scent will bring forth positive vibrations.”

— Shama Cartwright, owner of Rebel Lion Den Afro-Centric Cultre Shop

2001 Environmental Protection Agency report on indoor air pollution (more on that in a moment) put U.S. imports of incense for 1999 at $12.4 million.

Virtually every culture and civilization

13

smell of incense with heavenly devotion, he said.

“It is also meant to be a visual reminder of our prayer rising before God like a pleasing fragrance,” McDonald said. “And that imagery is taken from the Old Testament.”

Whether for religious purposes or just

since the dawn of time has used incense in one form or another.

Constituted from various gums, tree sap, spices and bark, today’s incense is typically sold in stick or cone form.

Die-hards, however, may opt for the resin- or sap-type incense, which is usually burned atop a lighted piece of charcoal in a brass pot or dish.

McDonald burns incense every Sunday at Holy Trinity’s 10 a.m. and 12:30 p.m. masses.

On a recent afternoon, McDonald demonstrated how the incense, purchased regularly from a monastery, is placed atop hot charcoal in a brass container called a therible.

Inside the sanctuary, the smoke swirled and wafted through the light let in by the stained glass and imparted a depthy aroma that brought to mind the ancient history of the church.

But McDonald said people can go overboard with incense. Like the time at a midnight mass last year when one of his assistants put too much charcoal in the therible.

“The smoke in the church was so thick

METRO SPIRIT - APRIL 8, 2004

or Shama S. Cartwright, it’s all about setting the right vibe — maybe some rose, jasmine or honeysuckle if he’s looking to spark a little romance.

Then again, if he just wants to chill, he’ll probably light up some sandalwood or Nag Champa.

“It’s, you know, just like laid back,” said Cartwright, owner of the Rebel Lion Den Afro-Centric Cultre Shop at 910 Broad Street.

Father Allan McDonald of the Catholic Church of the Most Holy Trinity on Telfair Street also has his favorite scents, most of them rooted in the Bible from the time when Christ was born.

For McDonald, reverence is the sole ambition of his aromatic pursuits, so his choices run along the lines of frankincense and myrrh.

“It’s church smell to me,” McDonald said. “And so it brings out sort of a sense to you that you’re in church and it’s sacred, I guess.”

Sporting a Rasta hat and speaking of people in terms of their vibes, Cartwright, a seller of African-themed crafts and T-shirts, might seem worlds apart from McDonald, a Catholic priest.

But both rely on incense to evoke a spiritual state of mind.

By Brian Neill

continued on page 14

continued from page 13 that I could not even see the congregation,” McDonald recalled.

Not everyone enjoys the smell of incense, McDonald acknowledges.

“I think if you’re not used to it, it’s a little bit startling,” McDonald said. “We use it so frequently here, people are used to it. But people who are not used to it, they begin to cough — it’s more of a psychological reaction than anything.”

Cartwright said it’s all about finding what you like.

For instance, some people are turned off by floral smells, while others find those fragrances to be among their favorites, Cartwright said.

Regardless of individual taste, however, most people can hang with a sandalwood fragrance, Cartwright has found.

One of the most popular sandalwood fragrances is Nag Champa, which is sold in many New Age gift shops and art boutiques and comes in a blue box with red and white lettering.

“Nag Champa ... a lot of people, they don’t burn incense but they can accept that,” Cartwright said. “It’s good meditation incense. Calm.”

In addition to Nag Champa, Cartwright carries a variety of scents in stick, cone and resin form. But incense sticks, owing to their ease of use and price — some costing as little as 10 for a dollar — are the best sellers, he said.

“I can’t keep the sticks,” Cartwright said. “I have to order it once a week.”

Allan Livingston, manager of downtown gift shop Fierce Something Wicked, Inc., 854 Broad Street, said 20 to 25 percent of his sales are incense and scented candles.

Livingston said one of his frequent customers is the Modjeska nightclub, which uses a stick incense called Darshan to invoke a hip vibe and also cover up the smell of cigarette smoke inside the club.

Most newcomers to incense have to do a little experimenting before finding a fragrance that appeals to them, Livingston said.

Some customers will also buy a variety of resins and powders and mix their own fragrances, he said.

Like Cartwright, Livingston said one person’s fragrance of choice can be the olfactory bane of another.

“There’s all different brands and varieties of incense,” Livingston said.

“And if you burn one and don’t like it, don’t let it discourage you from trying another one.”

However, Livingston said, most incense enthusiasts do agree on one thing: Convenience store incense is the pits.

“They’re (sticks) brightly colored but they smell atrocious when being burned,” Livingston said. “They’re so overpowering and you’re not sure what it is dipped in or if they just go along and spray the perfume or fragrance on top of it.”

Actually, most incense companies steadfastly guard the ingredients that go into making their products, said Tom Korula, a partner in By the Planet, Inc., a Gainesville, Fla., business that claims to be one of the leading importers of Nag Champa in the country.

“Most of the incense companies, they will not discuss their formula with you,” Korula said. “It’s just like the perfume industry. You go and ask Chanel what they have in there and they’ll laugh at you. All incense is a trade secret. It’s been going on for hundreds of years.”

Korula said that Nag Champa, from the Sai Baba company in India, is by far his biggest seller.

He also cited Blue Pearl and Super Hit as popular brands.

A native of India, Korula has seen incense’s presence waft steadily over to the Western world since Nag Champa first became popular here roughly 30 years ago.

India is said to be the leading exporter of incense to the United States, followed closely by China, Thailand and Japan.

Incense found a ready partner in the aromatherapy trend of the last decade or so in the United States, Korula said.

“It changes the energy in a room once it’s lit,” Korula said. “You could call it the ancient aromatherapy. That’s how I see it.”

Like many of mankind’s enjoyments, however, incense has not been without its critics.

The 2001 EPA study found that burning incense generated “large quantities of particulate matter” and also emitted benzene and carbon monoxide in concentrations that could put people at risk for cancer, asthma and contact dermatitis.

Also, Ireland’s Catholic Church last year vowed to examine concerns raised by an Irish transportation official who warned of the supposed cancer-causing dangers of using incense in church masses, particularly for altar boys and girls.

Most incense enthusiasts, however, discount such health risk claims and plan to keep their incense burners filled.

“I think that Tibetans have been burning incense for thousands of years and I don’t think anybody’s died of cancer from inhaling smoke from incense,” said Livingston of Fierce Something Wicked. “You’ve got better chances of getting cancer from eating breakfast every morning than anything.”

Cartwright also believes the benefits of incense far outweigh the risks.

“No judgment on it, it’s like, what’s good for you actually — whatever’s going to keep you at a peace, at a calm,” Cartwright said. “It’s like therapy, man. Aromatherapy.”

14

METRO SPIRIT - APRIL 8, 2004

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Doing Eugene Debs Proud

By Brian Neill

!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

W

country and many more could be adopted either by us or some other political party that gets the word out.”

Brown, who resides in Oregon, where he served on the state Senate as a Democrat for 12 years, said socialism is responsible for some things we take for granted today in American society — credit unions and the Social Security system, for example.

He also points out that Emma Lazarus, the poet who penned the “Give me your tired, your poor, your huddled masses ...” inscription on the Statue of Liberty, was a friend and ally of socialist leaders in her day.

Susan B. Anthony, who led the charge for women’s voting rights is also widely regarded as having been a socialist, Brown points out.

Brown recently received the nomination for president from the United Citizens Party, a progressive political party in South Carolina that was formed in 1969 to counteract the Democratic Party’s tendency not to nominate black candidates.

Though the nomination, which UCP officials confirmed, means Brown will appear on South Carolina’s ballot, he doesn’t expect to be on Georgia’s.

The 77-year-old said the way Georgia’s elections system is structured, he would need to get just over 37,000 signatures by July to be placed on the ballot in November.

“We do not have the strength to muster that sort of an effort in this state,” Brown said.

Brown said he hopes to pull together as much as $70,000 for his campaign (compared to Bush’s $100 million) and thinks he could get on the ballot in as many as 20 states.

However, Brown acknowledged that ballot status has not been his party’s strong suit.

“In the last election, to be truthful, we were only on seven (states’ ballots),” Brown said. “That’s because the leadership is more focused on ideas than they are on ballot status.

They could have been on the ballot in

Tennessee with 25 signatures; they didn’t get them ... They could have been on the ballot in Louisiana if they put out a $500 fee; they didn’t.

“We’ve got a lot of people who’d rather get together in a coffee house and debate the future of the world than go out in the hot sun getting signatures or doing the groundwork that is required in Democracy.”

However quixotic Brown’s presidential quest may seem, it’s hard to discount him as a loon.

Aside from his tenure in Oregon’s state legislature, Brown’s resume also includes serving in the U.S. Navy from 1944 to 1970 (part of that time as a special prosecutor). He also received a master’s in government from Boston University.

Brown also was the leading sponsor of a bill that made Oregon the first state to ban ozone-eroding, chlorofluorocarbon (CFC) aerosol sprays in 1975.

Though Brown served in the Oregon State Senate as a Democrat, he said he’s continued on page 18

!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

METRO SPIRIT - APRIL 8, 2004

alter Brown is the first to acknowledge he doesn’t have much of a shot at being elected president of the United States.

His chances are probably along the lines of the smallest snowball surviving the hottest day in hell.

In fact, a camel with a camel strapped to each side and one standing on its back would have an easier time passing through a needle’s eye than Brown would have getting elected to the presidency — particularly given his socialist moniker.

So the question begs, why is he wasting his time?

“Well, why do we as a party do it and why have we done it for 102 years? And the answer is, we think that we have good ideas that will benefit the country,” said Brown, who is running for president as a socialist, during a recent stop through town.

“Many of them (ideas) have been adopted and do in fact benefit the

17

continued from page 17 been a member of the U.S. Socialist Party since 1948.

Brown said the country is in dire straits in terms of its economic situation and entanglements abroad.

If elected, Brown said, he would fight to strengthen health care and Social Security and work to repeal the North American Free Trade Agreement (NAFTA), which he claims has wreaked havoc with the world economy.

“For example, we ship American corn into Mexico and cause Mexican corn farmers to go broke,” Brown said. “And they rush for the (American) border to get jobs at McDonald’s.”

Brown points out that Democratic presidential hopeful John Kerry supported NAFTA, as did former President Bill Clinton and both presidents Bush.

Also, Brown said he would not support giving most-favored nation status to countries like Communist China that have poor human-rights and labor records.

“Capitalism doesn’t really have any great penchant for democracy,” Brown said. “When most-favored nation status was given to Communist China, we had the Teamsters and some of organized labor opposing it when the U.S. Chamber of Commerce was pushing it. Toys ‘R Us and Nike (for

example), these people are committed to the bottom line, the dollar.

Democracy is nice, but it doesn’t necessarily relate to profits.”

Brown said the nation must also learn to live within its means, citing a culture

Security trust funds,” Brown said.

“We’re in negative savings in this country. That means people are spending more money than they’re earning. They have drawn down their savings accounts and now they’ve

“When most-favored nation status was given to Communist China, we had the Teamsters and some of organized labor opposing it when the U.S. Chamber of Commerce was pushing it. Toys ‘R Us and Nike (for example), these people are committed to the bottom line, the dollar. Democracy is nice, but it doesn’t necessarily relate to profits.”

— Walter Brown, running for president as a socialist of debt that runs from the top of the federal government down to the average citizen.

“We have a national, annual deficit.

We’ve probably borrowed as much money that is available from federal trust funds like the highway trust funds, the airport trust funds and the Social

broken the piggy bank and they’re shifting to credit cards ... hence burgeoning personal bankruptcies. You can’t run your personal life on credit card money.”

Despite the overwhelming air of patriotism in the country since 9/11 and people’s tendency to lump socialism and

communism together, Walker said he’s experienced little in the way of negativity toward his political label.

“I think, in fact, the label has been diluted and maybe been given more credibility now that the Soviet Union’s collapsed,” Brown said. “With the Soviet Union having collapsed, that (socialist) term doesn’t have so many shadows in it.”

The Socialist Party of the United States of America was formed in 1901, when members of the Social Democratic Party, led by Eugene Victor Debs, merged with the Socialist Labor Party.

Debs ran twice, unsuccessfully, for president in 1912 and 1920, receiving about one million votes each time.

Though Walker knows he’ll likely walk on water before winning the presidency, he believes he’ll still be able to claim his campaign a victory.

“We’ll win in the sense that, I’ll speak at a hundred conferences and a couple of hundred newspapers like yours and I’ll speak to people here and there,” Brown said. “And what am I supposed to do when (I am) 77? Play canasta, play bridge, do crossword puzzles, grow tomatoes?”

For more information on Walker’s candidacy, visit the U.S. Socialist Party’s Web site at www.sp-usa.org.

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Paddle, Pedal & Party!

PRESENTS

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May 1, 2004 Celebrate Springtime along the Augusta Canal Paddle on the water or Pedal along the towpath and Party at the Augusta Canal at Enterprise Mill. Enjoy barbeque from Sconyers and bluegrass from Eryn Eubanks and the Family Fold. Plus hop aboard the Canal’s Petersburg tour boats and take a trip through the Interpretive Center. It’s all part of the 17th annual Augusta Canal Cruise and Cookout!

Fun Activities for All Ages: ! New Petersburg tour boats - Boats depart from the docks throughout the afternoon. ! Free Admission to the Augusta Canal Interpretive Center - for all Cruise and Cookout ticket holders.

Check out the great interactive exhibits! ! Canoeing - $40 per person includes canoe, life jacket, security and bus transportation from the Mill to the Headgates and chance to win kayak from A.W.O.L. (Children must be 7 and older and accompanied by a parent.)

New to Canoes?

FREE Lessons AWOL Paddle Days Lake Olmstead April 24

! Bicycling - $20 per person includes mid-ride refreshment station and chance to win a bike from Andy Jordan's. Ride begins and ends at the Enterprise Mill. ! Kayaking - $15 per person. Bring your kayak and follow the canoers to Enterpise Mill. Then join the party! ! Picnic Only - $15 per person. Includes Interpretive Center and Petersburg tour boat ride.

All tickets include refreshments, admission to the barbeque at the Mill, admission to the Augusta Canal Interpretive Center, and a Petersburg boat ride (as space is available). The first 150 people to register to canoe, kayak or cycle receive a free Canal Cruise t-shirt!

Registration Deadline: Thursday April 29th, noon.

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METRO SPIRIT - APRIL 8, 2004

Check-in begins at 1 p.m. at the Augusta Canal Headquarters at Enterprise Mill

Aug usta Canal Cruise & Cookout For more details call 706-823-0440 or visit www.AugustaCanal.com

Andy Jordan’s Bicycle Warehouse AWOL-American Wilderness Outfitters Communigraphics Publix and Publix Charities Sconyers Barbeque Taylor Auto Group

Garden City Music Festival

Greater Augusta Arts Council presents

Saturday, MAY

MUSIC: 12 Noon til 11pm

8, 2004 at the Augusta Common

WYCLIFFE GORDON • COL. BRUCE HAMPTON & THE CODETALKERS

THE REGGAE COWBOYS • STEWART & WINFIELD • CADILLAC JONES DARK CORNER BLUEGRASS BAND • THE GOSPEL ORIGINALS PAT BLANCHARD BAND • WAYNE-C • REDBELLY • SHAUN PIAZZA BAND PARK BENCH BLUES TRIO • THREE SIXTY • CHELSEA LOGUE NOT GADDY'S DRUM CIRCLE

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METRO SPIRIT - APRIL 8, 2004

Ticket Locations:

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BITE Want Some Local Flavor? Check Out These Favorites

S

o you’re in from out of town. You’ve probably been given a lot of advice on restaurants you just have to try. You know the ones we mean: They’re upscale, they’re expensive (not that there’s anything wrong with that) and you can’t just wear any old pair of golf shoes or hat in them. In fact, you probably can’t wear any hat at all.

What if, however, you feel like going someplace a little less formal? A place where the staff won’t care if you’re wearing what you wore all day long or if you have a serious case of hat head. A place where you can get a big, inexpensive meal, relax and mingle with the locals. If this sounds like exactly what you need, we’ve got some ideas for you.

The following spots are not fancy (and many of them only take cash), and they’re not all that pretty. But the food is good, the beer (in one case) is cold and, after visiting, you’ll feel like you’ve lived here all your life.

22

METRO SPIRIT - APRIL 8, 2004

Al’s Family Restaurant 611 Atomic Road, North Augusta, (803) 278-3140 Located off the hustle and bustle of E. Martintown Road in North Augusta, Al’s ain’t much to look at. But the parking lot full of cars that constantly surrounds this small cinderblock building should give you a good idea about how much people love the food. Offering everything from an extensive breakfast menu to barbeque, the Southern classic “meat and three” is the must order here. Selections of the day are printed on a slip of paper inside the menu, although their delectable fried chicken is a staple. They have about five meats to choose from — anything from hamburger steak with gravy to fish — and several of those choices are all you can eat. Of the many sides to choose from, there are two that stand out: Al’s macaroni and cheese and their

heavenly, slow-cooked zipper peas (sort of a cross between lima and garbanzo beans). Word to the wise: If you don’t want to appear out of place, order the veggies by their numbers instead of by name. Dinners come with a drink and dessert of the day (which can be anything from a slice of lemon meringue pie to vanilla pudding with fruit cocktail). All this for about $7 a person — not too shabby.

Squeaky’s Tip-Top 2596 Central Avenue, 738-8886 First opened as a grocery store in the 1930s, Squeaky’s is affectionately known to locals as “Augusta’s first hole” and it doesn’t look like things have changed much at the Squeak since it opened. But despite its slightly run-down appearance, owners Linda and Philip Rhodes, who bought the historic spot seven years ago, will make you feel right at home. Here you can play pool, foosball or just watch TV at the bar with colorful local characters who will more than likely draw you into some sort of debate. Squeaky’s is more than just a great place for conversation and beer, though. Don’t miss the excellent bar food, including Linda’s homemade chicken salad, gargantuan burgers and even pizzas.

The Whistle Stop Café 573 Greene Street, 724-8224 Breakfast at The Whistle Stop should be on everyone’s agenda, but don’t make the mistake of ordering “pancakes.” One of these monstrosities is the size of a dinner plate and is more than enough for one person (or even two). Add a side of sausage (patties, not links) and a mug of blazing hot coffee, and you’ll be set for the rest of the day. This tiny spot has only a handful of tables, though, so be prepared for a wait, especially on Saturday mornings.

By Amy Fennell Christian

Sno-Cap Drive In 618 West Avenue, North Augusta, (803) 279-4004 It’s no longer a drive in, but the Sno-Cap in North Augusta still has that retro-cool, 1950s feel that extends from the décor to the menu. How does a real cherry cola, with swirls of red syrup, served over crushed ice in a frosty mug sound? Milkshakes are made the old-fashioned way, and the hamburgers and hot dogs are to die for. Adults can amuse themselves by perusing the prices on Sno-Cap’s original menu (posted throughout the restaurant) and collection of toy cars, while kids will love watching the cook who, from the visible grill, will don wigs, hats or make faces to their delight.

in the mix If you’ve ever been to the Modjeska Lounge, Sarah has probably asked for your ID or fixed you a drink.

By night she’s a member of the nightclub’s notoriously well-dressed staff, but by day this Augusta native is a color specialist at Digital Blueprint and a student who will resume classes at ASU in the fall.

Lamest pick-up line a customer used on her It was probably this guy, an older guy, who said, “If you think you can get me drunk and take advantage of me, you’re right.” Some guys are nice, but some just don’t have a clue.

Do you ever get any time off?

Between my jobs, spending time with my family and going to the gym, it’s not much. Sunday is my day.

Worst habit Being late. I’m late for everything. My mom always tells me I was born 10 days late and I’ve been late ever since.

On Sundays she’s usually…

Me and my boyfriend usually just spend the day together and hang out — maybe go out to eat or to the movies. It’s nice after having a busy week.

Strangest habit I do have to have my money all organized. I don’t just throw my money in my purse; it has to all be in the same direction with the 20s in the back and the ones in the front. After work at night I have to arrange my money before I put it in my purse.

Does she always dress up like she does at Modjeska?

I always wear heels pretty much. I love skirts and heels and I like to dress nice. I’m not one you’ll see shopping in sweats.

Most inventive excuse she’s heard for not having an ID Usually if they’re underage, they’ll just say they lost it or forgot it. I do remember this guy came in with his friend and he said he just got out of jail and that’s why he didn’t have his ID with him.

Photo by Joe White

Strange customers Well, one lady decided she was going to strip on the dance floor. That was pretty crazy, but crazy stuff happens all the time. A lot of sexual stuff goes on in the bar. We had one security guard who kept finding things going on. It’s probably not printable.

Then we had one guy a couple of weeks ago who had a little too much to drink and tried to pay his tab three or four times.

Sarah

Best dance music I like house but I really like salsa, so it’s a tossup. They’re pretty much at the opposite ends of the spectrum.

Surprising fact People are usually surprised when they find out I’m from Augusta. People usually don’t think I am.

People also might be surprised to find out that I own a sewing machine and I know how to use it.

Who she’d most like to have a drink with Daphne du Maurier. She wrote “Rebecca.” I’ve read her biography and I’ve read a lot of her books and it seems like a lot of things she wrote about mirror things that are going on now. It would be interesting to find out some of her ideas.

Mills

bartender, Modjeska Lounge

140 Laurens St. S.W. In Aiken (803) 502-0707

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23

ART S What? You’re Still in Augusta?

By Rhonda Jones

S

o have you spent all your time on the golf course, hanging out with celebrities and cruising the hot spots? Or have you given yourself some time to find those little nooks and crannies around town that allow you to catch your breath for a moment, places like Augusta Canal, Riverwalk, Phinizy Swamp, the art galleries, the museums, downtown in the daytime?

If you feel like traveling just a little, head on over to downtown Aiken as well. They have a neat arts community and a charming little downtown area where you can have lunch and explore the shops. Just follow 5th Street into South Carolina and follow the signs to Aiken.

You’ll be on the Aiken-Augusta Highway.

Keep going until it becomes obvious that you’re in downtown Aiken.

24

METRO SPIRIT - APRIL 8, 2004

Attractions and Exhibits And if you feel like a little bit of wilderness, try Hitchcock Woods by following Laurens Street to South Boundary. The woods will be on your right. It’s a huge forest where they hold fox hunting (they don’t use real fox, though) and other equestrian events. So you can’t take your bicycles in there because that would frighten the horses. You can, however, take your dogs most days, except when there’s a fox hunt. Don’t forget to pick up a map at the entrance to the woods, because, I’m telling you, it’s a big place.

If you’re in the mood to catch a few art shows, there is an exhibit of glass sculpture

by Richard Jolley at the Morris Museum of Art (pictured). His faces and busts are so detailed and full of personality that you almost get the idea you’re looking at an actual person, except for the fact that they tend to come in colors like green and orange.

In addition to figures, he also builds totems, some of which are as much as nine feet tall.

It’s quite amazing stuff. His work will be on display at the Morris Museum of Art through May 9. Call (706) 828-3805 for information.

Also at the Morris Museum is industrial artist Janos Enyedi. One objective of his work is to capture the feel of the American industrial landscape, having grown up around great hulking masses of metal — factories, rustcovered beams, monolithic machinery lumbering from place to place like a dying race of dinosaurs. When we spoke with him a couple of weeks ago, he seemed very pleased with himself for making paper and paint look just

like metal and rust, and for his attention to detail, assembling pieces like paper models — one tiny part at a time.

Even more of Enyedi’s work is on exhibit at the Mary Pauline Gallery in downtown Augusta, with Tom Nakashima, who is the William S. Morris eminent scholar at Augusta State University.

If you visit the Augusta Visitor Information Center at the Augusta Museum of History, you can purchase “Augusta’s Gallery Pass” for $20. That will allow you to get into nine different attractions for half off the regular adult admission prices. Business hours for the history museum are 10 a.m. to 5 p.m. Monday through Saturday, and 1-5 p.m. on Sunday.

Performances (or, After the Masters) If you happen to still be in town after April 11, when the Masters is over and the golfers and celebrities have gone home, Augusta’s performance schedule is picking up again with productions by Storyland Theatre, Augusta Ballet and the Harry Jacobs Chamber Music Society.

Storyland Theatre, a company that produces

full-scale productions for children, is set to launch into “Hansel and Gretel,” beginning April 13. From opening day until April 16, there will be performances at 9:30 a.m., 10:45 a.m. and 12:15 p.m.

On those days, reservations are required and the cost is $3.50 per student. On Saturday, April 17, there is a Saturday family matinee at 3 p.m. for $4 per person. No reservation is required, and the kids will have the opportunity to meet the actors after the show. Box office opens at 2:15 p.m. They perform at the Maxwell Performing Arts Theatre on the campus of Augusta State University.

If you have questions, you can contact Storyland Theatre by calling (706) 736-3455 or by e-mailing storyland2@comcast.net. Or you can check out their Web site at http://storyland2.home.comcast.net.

The Harry Jacobs Chamber Music Society shares the Maxwell Performing Arts Theatre with Storyland. The society brings out-oftown talent to the area for soothing chamber concerts. The next concert will be Friday, April 16, and will feature Fred Mills, professor of trumpet and brass chamber music at the University of Georgia. He boasts a career playing principal trumpet in “major orchestras,” according to material supplied by the Harry Jacobs Chamber Music Society. Mills, along with a group of graduate students he is bringing along, will perform at 8 p.m. There will be a pre-concert program at 7:15 p.m.

For information, call (706) 790-9274 or (706) 736-9098.

The Abbeville Opera House is also scheduled to give several more performances of “Plaza Suite,” so if you missed opening weekend, it’s still not too late to catch the show.

Call (864) 366-2157 for info.

Finally, on April 15, there is free ballet. The program is called “The AB II/Choreographers Showcase: Established Repertoire and Emerging Artists” and features the young dancers studying at the Augusta Ballet School. Augusta Ballet dancer Eduard Forehand will partner AB II (the school) member Elizabeth Harrison in Balanchine’s “Valse Fantasie.”

The company of youths will also perform new pieces by ballet master Thomas Shoemaker, Robert Royce, Emily Conelly and Charlotte Loyd, as well as pieces by ballet board member Sutton Stracke and jazz instructor Sarah Shoemaker.

The program will take place on Thursday, April 6 at 7 p.m. at the Imperial Theatre. The showcase is free. For info, call (706) 261-0555.

Kids

Learning

Volunteers

Sports

Calendar Health

Education

Out of Town Music

Special

Benefits Meetings Theater Auditions Exhibitions Attractions MuseumsArts Seniors Dance Arts Auditions GUEST NIGHT WITH THE COLUMBIA COUNTY CHORAL SOCIETY April 13, 6:30 p.m. The group is looking for singers high school age and older. For more information, call 650-8901 or visit www.ccchoralsociety.org.

ENOPION THEATRE COMPANY is looking for volunteers to act, sing, sew, build and more for their new musical, “Creation.” Applications are available at www.imaryproductions.com or by calling (803) 442-9039.

SWEET ADELINES HARMONY RIVER CHORUS OPEN REHEARSAL for singers each Thursday at 7 p.m. at Church of Christ, 600 Martintown Rd. in North Augusta.

They are on the lookout for voices in the lower ranges.

Contact Stacy Branch at 877-9931.

THE BEECH ISLAND HISTORICAL SOCIETY is looking for a couple to duplicate a wedding that took place on the Sandbar Ferry Bridge in 1924. Clothing, vintage automobile, media coverage, minister and music will be provided at no cost to the wedding couple. The Historical Society would like the groom to be from Georgia and the bride to be from South Carolina. For more information, contact Joan Harrison at (803) 8273209 or The Beech Island Historical Society at (803) 867-3600.

“HANSEL AND GRETEL” auditions to be held on April 19 from 4:45-6:45 p.m. Auditions are to be held in the Fort Gordon Youth Services Building 45410, and are open to children in grades K-12. For more information, call 791-4389.

OPEN AUDITIONS to be held on April 17 from 2-5 p.m. for young student singers to perform with a dynamic group. Auditions will be held at Belle Terrace Presbyterian Church. For more information, call 798-6090.

EXTRA TIMES HAVE BEEN ADDED FOR AUGUSTA CANAL BOAT TOURS DURING MASTERS WEEK. CALL 823-0440 OR VISIT WWW.AUGUSTACANAL.COM FOR MORE INFORMATION.

25

ART CLASSES AND WORKSHOPS are offered yearround at the Gertrude Herbert Institute of Art. Classes and workshops are open to toddlers through adults and feature instruction in drawing, painting, photography, pottery, weaving and sculpture. For a newsletter or detailed information on registering for classes at the Gertrude Herbert, call 722-5495. The Gertrude Herbert Institute of Art also offers educational tours; for information, contact the education director at the above telephone number.

METRO SPIRIT - APRIL 8, 2004

ISRAELI DANCE WORKSHOP at the Augusta Jewish Community Center Sunday afternoons, 4-5 p.m. Open to teens and adults; no experience or partners are necessary. Cost is $2 per session, with the first session free. For information or to schedule a pre-class beginner/refresher session, contact Jackie Cohen, 738-9016.

Photo by Rebecca Rogers

Education

“YOUNG VOICES RAISED IN SONG” will be presented at the Morris Museum of Art by the Augusta Children’s Chorale on April 18 at 2 p.m. For more information, visit www.augustachildrenschorale.org.

ART CLASSES FOR CHILDREN AND ADULTS at the Art Factory. The Art Factory also has a homeschool program and scholarships are available. Programs include painting, pottery, pilates, hip hop and modern dance and more. Classes are held at the Art Factory, 418 Crawford Ave., or at the Augusta Jewish Community Center. Call 731-0008 for details.

FRED MILLS AND BULLDOG BRASS perform at ASU’s Maxwell Performing Arts Theater on April 16 at 8 p.m. Call 737-1453 for more information.

YARN ART WORKSHOP at the Appleby Branch Library on April 20 from 11 a.m.-noon, and at the Maxwell Branch Library on April 20 from 6-7 p.m. Registration required. For more information, call the Appleby Branch at 736-6244 or the Maxwell Branch at 793-2020.

ASU JAZZ ENSEMBLE CONCERT on April 20 at 8 p.m. and an ASU Wind Ensemble Concert on April 21 at 8 p.m., both in the Maxwell Performing Arts Theater. For more information, call 737-1453.

Exhibitions

Theater

SOUTH CAROLINA WATERCOLOR SOCIETY ANNUAL EXHIBITION AND ART MARKET April 16-17 and 19-22 at the Aiken Center for the Arts. Call (803) 641-9094.

“A NIGHT BY THE FOUNTAIN” poetry and prose reading sponsored by “Broken Ink,” USC-Aiken’s literary magazine, 7 p.m. April 21. The event will be held by the fountain in the USC-Aiken Quad. For more information, contact Jessica Baptiste or Clinton Strickland at (803) 641-3354.

MILITARY HISTORY EXHIBITION featuring ASU student projects will be at Washington Hall Towers on the ASU campus April 17, 10 a.m.-noon. For more information, contact Hubert van Tuyll at 737-1709.

“TIME AND TIDE,” an exhibition of works by artist Wanda Steppe, will be on display through April 10 at the Rabold Gallery. For more information, call (803) 641-4405.

RICHARD JOLLEY, sculptor of glass, will display works through May 9 at the Morris Museum of Art. For more information, call 724-7501.

“BOY GETS GIRL” will be at the Aiken Community Playhouse on April 9-11, 16 and 17. For more information, call (803) 648-1438.

IF YOU’RE LOOKING TO VENTURE A LITTLE FARTHER, CHECK OUT REDCLIFFE STATE HISTORIC SITE ON BEECH ISLAND, S.C. THE HOUSE IS OPEN FOR TOURS THURSDAY-MONDAY. CALL (803) 827-1473.

Dance

GRADUATING SENIORS ART EXHIBITION at ASU’s Fine Arts Gallery through April 30. Free. For more information, call 737-1878.

THE AUGUSTA INTERNATIONAL FOLK DANCE CLUB meets Thursday evenings at 7:30 p.m. No partners are needed and newcomers are welcome. Call 737-6299 for location and info.

“JANOS ENYEDI: THE AMERICAN INDUSTRIAL LANDSCAPE — RECONSTRUCTED” will be on view at the Morris Museum of Art through May 30. For more information, contact Tonia Beasley-Jolley at 724-7501.

SENIOR VISUAL ART EXIT SHOW by Davidson Fine Arts School runs through May 2, with a reception on April 13 from 3:30-6:30 p.m. at the Gertrude Herbert Institute of Art. For more information, call 823-6924, ext. 153.

WORKS OF TOM NAKASHIMA AND JANOS ENYEDI will be on display at the Mary Pauline Gallery through May 29. For more information, call 724-9542.

THE DANCES OF UNIVERSAL PEACE held the first Saturday of every month, 7-9 p.m., at the Unitarian Church of Augusta, honor the religious traditions of the world through song and movement. Call (803) 643-0460 for more information.

AUGUSTA CHAPTER OF THE UNITED STATES AMATEUR BALLROOM DANCERS ASSOCIATION holds a dance the first Saturday of each month, from 7:15-11 p.m. Cost is $7 for members and $10 for non-members. Held at the BPOE facility on Elkdom Court. Contact Melvis Lovett, 733-3890, or Jean Avery, 863-4186, for information.

“STEP’N IN THE NAME OF LOVE” will be at the Bell Auditorium on April 17 at 8 p.m. For more information, call 722-3521.

Music JOHN BERRY performs at the Imperial Theatre April 16, 8 p.m.

Tickets are $20 and are available by calling 722-8341.

FINAL SPRING CONCERT AT THE COMMON will be held at the Augusta Common on May 1 from 7-9 p.m. For more information, call 821-1754.

THIRD DAY AND TOBY MAC perform live at the Augusta Civic Center April 15 at 7 p.m. For more information, call 722-3521.

“BORENYA,” African drums and dance, will be at USCAiken’s Etherredge Center on April 14 at 7 p.m. as part of USC-Aiken’s Mauldin Series. For more information, call (803) 641-3305.

“ANNE OF GREEN GABLES” will be performed April 17 at the Aiken Community Playhouse at 2 p.m. and April 18 and 19 at 7 p.m. For more information, call (803) 648-1438.

HEADQUARTERS LIBRARY FILM SERIES will show “The Virgin Suicides” on April 12 and “Grave of the Fireflies” on April 19. All show times are 6:30 p.m., and admission is free. For more information, call 821-2600.

JAZZ ON FILM series will begin with a presentation of “The Story of Jazz” on April 20 at 7 p.m. at the Morris Museum of Art. For more information, call 495-6238.

Attractions “TERRA COGNITA” CONTEMPORARY ARTISTS LECTURE SERIES concludes on April 13 with Helen Frederick lecturing at the Morris Museum of Art. For more information, call 724-7501.

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27

: : : : : : : : : : : : : : : : : : : : : Truth is stranger

than fiction!

See News of the Weird

: : : : : : : : : : : : : : : : : : : : : T A N N I N G

S A L O N

9 WOLF TANNING BEDS THE CYCLONE & AIRBRUSHING “Ain’t No Line On My Behind” Open 7 Days a Week (Peak Season) Kroger Shopping Center Across from the Augusta Mall

706-667-0120 www.sandsofsummer.com

THE AUGUSTA VISITOR INFORMATION CENTER inside the Augusta Museum of History, offers historic driving tours of Augusta April 8, 10:30 a.m., and April 10, 1:30 p.m. Tickets are $10 for adults and $5 for children. Call 724-4067.

MOTORIZED TOURS OF HISTORIC AIKEN every Saturday, 10-11:30 a.m. Tours leave from the Washington Center for the Performing Arts. Reservations are required, and patrons must be age 2 and older.

(803) 642-7631.

AUGUSTA CANAL INTERPRETIVE CENTER: Housed in Enterprise Mill, the center contains displays and models focusing on the Augusta Canal’s functions and importance to the textile industry. Hours are Mon.-Sat., 10 a.m.-6 p.m. and Sun., 1-6 p.m. Admission is $5 adult, $4 seniors and military and $3 children ages 6-18.

Children under 6 admitted free. Guided boat tours of the Augusta Canal depart from the docks at Enterprise Mill at 11 a.m., 1:30 p.m. and 3 p.m. Saturdays and Tuesdays and Thursdays at 11 a.m. and 1:30 p.m. Tour tickets are $6 adults, $5 seniors and $4 students and children. For tour information, call 823-7089. For other info, visit www.augustacanal.com or call 823-0440.

THE BOYHOOD HOME OF WOODROW WILSON: Circa 1859 Presbyterian manse occupied by the family of President Woodrow Wilson as a child during the Civil War and Reconstruction. Original and period antiques, restored house, kitchen and carriage house. 419 Seventh Street. Open 10 a.m.-5 p.m., Tues.-Sat. Tours available; groups of 10 or more by appointment only.

Admission is $5 adults, $4 seniors, $3 students under 18 and free for ages 5 and under. 722-9828.

AUGUSTA GOLF & BOTANICAL GARDENS OF THE GEORGIA GOLF HALL OF FAME features beautiful display gardens, as well as bronze sculptures of some of golf’s greatest masters. Available for rent for a variety of functions. Group discount rates available.

Closed Mondays; open from 9 a.m.-5 p.m. Tues.-Sat.; open from 1-5 p.m. on Sunday. Admission is $5.50 for adults; $4.50 for students, seniors and military; $3.50 for children (4-12); free for children 3 and under.

Sundays are two for one with a Super Sunday coupon. Annual garden memberships are available.

Call 724-4443 or 1-888-874-4443. Also, visit their Web site at www.gghf.org.

NATIONAL SCIENCE CENTER’S FORT DISCOVERY: Children and adults alike can immerse themselves in the wonders of science through live demonstrations, virtual realities, Starlab, KidScape and more than 250 hands-on exhibits. General Admission: $8 for adults; $6 for children, seniors and active military.

Group rates available. Operating hours: Mon.-Sat., 10 a.m.-5 p.m.; Sunday, noon-5 p.m. Call 821-0200, 1-800-325-5445 or visit their Web site at www.NationalScienceCenter.org.

REDCLIFFE STATE HISTORIC SITE: 1859 mansion of S.C. Governor James Henry Hammond, held by the family for three generations until 1975. Grounds and slave quarters are open Thursday-Monday, 9 a.m.-6 p.m. House tours will be offered at 1, 2 and 3 p.m.

Admission to the grounds is free. Fee for house tours is $3 for adults and children ages 6-17. For more information, call (803) 827-1473. 181 Redcliffe Road, Beech Island.

Divorce Recovery Workshop

Sundays 4pm - 6pm April 18 through May 30 (Sundays) Walton Building, Room 201 No pre-registration required

28

METRO SPIRIT - APRIL 8, 2004

Free childcare provided for children up to age 5 (reservation required)

First Baptist Church 3500 Walton Way Augusta, GA 30909 733-2236 www.fbcaugusta.org

SACRED HEART CULTURAL CENTER is offering tours of its 100-year-old building. Mon.-Fri., 9 a.m.5 p.m. $1 per person, children free. 826-4700.

AUGUSTA VISITORS INFORMATION CENTER open Mon.-Sat., 10 a.m.-5 p.m.; Sun. 1-5 p.m. Located inside the Augusta Museum of History. Call 7244067.

THE EZEKIEL HARRIS HOUSE: Deemed “the finest 18th century house surviving in Georgia” by the “Smithsonian Guide to Historic America.” Open Saturday, 10 a.m.-1 p.m. General admission is $2; senior admission is $1 and children get in for 50 cents. For more information, call 724-0436.

PHINIZY SWAMP NATURE PARK: See egrets, blue herons, river otters and elusive alligators in their natural setting, just minutes from downtown Augusta. The park has observation decks, boardwalks and several nature trails suitable for hiking.

Open Monday-Friday, noon-dusk, and Saturday and Sunday, dawn to dusk. For more information, call the Southeastern Natural Sciences Academy Office at 828-2109.

Museums MASTERS WEEK GONE WITH THE WIND TOUR of the Morris Museum of Art through April 10 at 11 a.m. each day.

For more information, call 724-7501.

THE GERTRUDE HERBERT INSTITUTE OF ART in Ware’s Folly exhibits works by local and regional artists. Art class-

es, workshops and other educational programming for children, youth and adults are held in the Walker-Mackenzie Studio. Open Tuesday-Friday, 10 a.m.-5 p.m. and Saturday by appointment only. Admission is free, but a donation of $2 for adults and $1 for children and seniors is encouraged.

Call 722-5495 or visit www.ghia.org for more info.

THE AUGUSTA MUSEUM OF HISTORY hosts permanent exhibition “Augusta’s Story,” an award-winning exhibit encompassing 12,000 years of local history. For the younger crowd, there’s the Susan L. Still Children’s Discovery Gallery, where kids can learn about history in a hands-on environment. The museum also shows films in the History Theatre and hosts a variety of programs.

Located at 560 Reynolds Street. Open Tuesday-Saturday, 10 a.m.-5 p.m. and Sunday 1-5 p.m. Admission is $4 adult, $3 seniors, $2 kids (6-18 years of age) and free for children under 6. Free admission on Sundays. Call 722-8454 or visit www.augustamuseum.org for more information.

THE MORRIS MUSEUM OF ART hosts exhibitions and special events year-round. Open Tuesday-Saturday, 10 a.m.-5 p.m. and Sundays, noon-5 p.m. Closed on Mondays and major holidays. 1 Tenth Street, Augusta. Call 724-7501 or visit www.themorris.org for details.

THE MUSEUM OF LAUREL AND HARDY OF HARLEM, GEORGIA features displays of various Laurel and Hardy memorabilia; films also shown. Located at 250 N. Louisville Street in downtown Harlem. Open 1-4 p.m. ThursdayMonday. For more information, call 556-3448.

LUNCH AT NOON LECTURE SERIES held the second Wednesday of every month at the Lucy Craft Laney Museum of Black History, 11:30 a.m.-12:30 p.m. Call the museum at 724-3576 for more information.

Special Events TAKE BACK THE NIGHT RALLY on the campus of Augusta State University April 15. Exhibits and activities begin at 6:30 p.m. on the lawn between Allgood Hall and the Science Building. A program featuring speeches and a candlelit march begins at 7:30 p.m. Students in ASU’s Sociology of Women course will be collecting donations for University Hospital’s Rape Crisis and Sexual Assault Services; needed items include children’s books, small stuffed animals, small soaps and shampoos and women’s socks and underwear. For information, contact Pamela Hayward, 729-2048, or Anne Ealick-Henry, 724-5200.

SAVANNAH VALLEY ANTIQUE EXTRAVAGANZA on Main Street in McCormick, S.C., April 16-18. Advance tickets may be purchased by phone at (864) 465-3216.

GREAT DANE MEET AND GREET April 17, 3-5 p.m., at Fetch Dog Treats in Surrey Center. For more information, contact Jeff or Tonia Thomas at 737-5808 or Fetch at 262-BONE. AUGUSTA SHOWCASE, an economic development campaign to market the area to potential business residents, will soon be underway. The Augusta Metro Chamber of Commerce is giving presentations on the effort. Contact Tammy Stout, 722-8326, ext. 2, to schedule a speaker for your club or civic group.

MCDUFFIE FRIENDS OF ANIMALS holds pet adoptions each Saturday, 1-3 p.m. at Superpetz on Bobby Jones Expressway. Call 556-9090 or visit www.petfinder.com.

COLUMBIA COUNTY HUMANE SOCIETY holds pet adoptions every Saturday from 11 a.m.-3 p.m. and every Sunday from 1-4 p.m. at PetsMart. For more info, call 860-5020.

RICHMOND COUNTY ANIMAL CONTROL AND AUGUSTA ANIMAL RESCUE FRIENDS hold pet adoptions at Superpetz off Bobby Jones Expressway every Sunday from 1-4 p.m. Call AARF at 364-4747 or visit www.aarf.net. Adoptions also held at the Richmond County Animal Control Shelter, Tues.-Sun., 1-5 p.m. Call the shelter at 790-6836.

THE CSRA HUMANE SOCIETY holds pet adoptions every Saturday from 10 a.m.-4 p.m. and every Wednesday evening from 5:30-7:30 p.m. at the Pet Center located behind the GreenJackets Stadium on Milledge Rd. 261PETS. MOLLY’S MILITIA, a pet adoption agency, meets each Saturday at Superpetz in Aiken from 11 a.m.-3 p.m., Petsmart in Aiken from 3-6:30 p.m., and Petsmart in Augusta from 4:30-7:30 p.m. For more information, call (803) 279-7003.

GREYTHOUND LOVE GREYHOUND ADOPTION is holding a meet and greet at PetsMart on Whiskey Road in Aiken on April 10 from 11 a.m.-3 p.m. No on-site adoptions, but adoption applications will be made available. For more information, contact Jeanne McGee at 796-1708.

EASTER AT THE GARDENS will be on April 11, from 9 a.m.-7 p.m. at the Georgia Golf Hall of Fame Botanical Gardens. For more information, call 724-4443.

MASTERS WEEK “BIRDIE” WALK on April 9 at the Phinizy Swamp Nature Park from 8-11 a.m. For more information, call 828-2109.

EASTER SUNRISE SERVICE at the Jessye Norman Amphitheater on April 11. For more information, call 8211754.

DOWNTOWN LUNCH DATE, beginning on April 14 and continuing each Wednesday through June 30 from noon-1:30 p.m. at the Augusta Common, will feature lunch from a local restaurant and musical entertainment. For more information, call 821-1754.

EXTRA CANAL BOAT TOURS have been added to accommodate Masters Week guests. Five extra departure times, in addition to the original times running through April 10, have been added by Canal officials. For more information, call 823-0440.

FORT GORDON EASTER SUNRISE SERVICE will be held April 11 at 6:30 a.m. in Freedom Park. For more information, call 791-2945.

PRAYER AND PRAISE RALLY, supported by hundreds of CSRA churches, is April 16 at 7 p.m. in the AugustaRichmond County Civic Center. Admission is free.

GRANTSEEKER SESSION to be held by the Community Foundation for the CSRA on April 20 and 21 from 10-11 a.m. at the offices of Serotta Maddocks Evans and Co. on Greene St. For more information, call 724-1314.

ANNUAL OLDE TOWN ARTISANS’ FAIR will be from April 16-18 in North Augusta’s Living History Park. On April 16 from 6-8 p.m. there will be a dinner preview. On April 17 from 10 a.m.-6 p.m. and April 18, from 10 a.m.-4 p.m., admission will be free. For more information or to acquire tickets, call (803) 279-7560.

Benefits SECOND ANNUAL HARLEM RELAY FOR LIFE GOLF TOURNAMENT April 17 at Three Oaks Golf Course. Four man teams, shotgun start at 8 a.m. For more information, contact Jerry Baldwin at 556-6262.

DERBY DAY to benefit the Augusta Training Shop for the Handicapped May 1, 3-7 p.m., at the Augusta Riding Center, 1403 Flowing Wells Rd. Event includes Southern cuisine, contests, live music and two big-screen TVs showing the Kentucky Derby. Advance tickets are $35 and are available at all Georgia Bank and Trust locations. For information, contact Sandra Gurley at 724-2601 or Audrey Murell at 738-1358.

WALK-A-THON to benefit Augusta Urban Ministries April 17, 8 a.m. The walk begins and ends at Augusta Urban Ministries outreach center, 303 Hale St. Call 722-8195 for information.

CHARITY GOLF TOURNAMENT to benefit the Cumbee Center to Assist Abused Persons April 19. Call (803) 6490480 for more information.

TALENT SCHOLARSHIP SHOWCASE presented by the Augusta Alumnae Chapter of Delta Sigma Theta sorority April 18, 7 p.m., at the Maxwell Performing Arts Theatre.

Proceeds benefit scholarship recipients, public service programs and the Lucy Craft Laney Museum of Black History and tickets are $15 for adults and $5 for students. Call 793-4088, 863-0625 or 792-0091 for information.

AUGUSTA BALLET MERCEDES RAFFLE: The Augusta Ballet will raffle off a 2004 Mercedes CLK 320 Cabriolet during May’s First Friday celebration. Tickets are $100 each and may be purchased through the Ballet office at 261-0555.

AUGUSTA-RICHMOND COUNTY ANIMAL CONTROL is in need of dog and cat food, cat litter and other pet items, as well as monetary donations to help pay for vaccinations. Donations accepted during regular business hours, Tues.-Sun., 1-5 p.m. at the shelter, 4164 Mack Lane. Call 790-6836 for information.

HUGE BAKE SALE to benefit Hope House on April 15 from 9 a.m.-4 p.m. at the MCG Children’s Hospital Main Lobby.

For more information, call 737-9879.

Dinner Dinner Monday Monday -- Saturday Saturday

Kids

Lunch Lunch Monday Monday -- Friday Friday

Established 1987 Established Established 1987 1987

722-8877 722-8877

EASTER EGG HUNTS on April 9, at 10:30 a.m. at the Burke County Library, and at 4:30 at the Midville Branch Library.

For more information, call the Burke County Library at 5543277 or the Midville Branch Library at (478) 589-7825.

“HANSEL AND GRETEL” will be performed by Storyland Theatre April 13-16 at 9:30 a.m., 10:45 a.m. and 12:15 p.m. Tickets are $3.50 per student, and reservations are required. The show will also be presented April 17, 3 p.m., as a family matinee; tickets for that performance are $4 per person, and reservations are not required. 736-3455.

“DISNEY ON ICE PRINCESS CLASSICS” comes to Augusta-Richmond County Civic Center April 22-25. Tickets are $12-$30. For tickets, visit www.disneyonice.com or call 828-7700.

“GINGERBREAD MAN” will be presented April 22, at 9, 10 and 11 a.m., by the ASU Born To Read Literacy Center and Patchwork Players. Held at the Maxwell Performing Arts Theatre. Tickets are $3. Call 733-7043 for reservations.

(across from from the the Civic Civic Center) Center) (across (across from the Civic Center)

Elegant dining dining Elegant worth looking looking for for worth Worth downtown. downtown.

Downtown

FAMILY FUN DAY at the Augusta Museum of History April 18, 1-5 p.m. Jim Hazelton and David Fields host a program on hot air balloons. 722-8454.

AIKEN COUNTY PONY CLUB meets weekly. Open to children of all ages who participate or are interested in equestrian sports. For more information, contact Lisa Smith at (803) 649-3399.

GIRLS INCORPORATED OF THE CSRA AFTER-SCHOOL PROGRAM runs through May 21. Open to girls currently enrolled in kindergarten through high school. In addition to offering specialized programs, Girls Incorporated offers van pick-up at select schools, neighborhood drop-off, homework room and a hot evening meal. For information, call 733-2512.

WEEKLY STORY SESSIONS at all branch libraries. Visit www.ecgrl.public.lib.ga.us for more information.

FIRST SATURDAY STORYTELLING at the Lucy Craft Laney Museum. In addition, there is a tour of the museum. Held 10 a.m.-noon the first Saturday of the month.

Call 724-3576.

STORYTIME IN THE GARDENS will take place Tuesdays at 4 p.m. in May in Hopeland Gardens. For more information, call (803) 642-7631.

It’s Your Day Baby!

Make it Count

Seniors AARP DRIVER SAFETY PROGRAM April 19-20, 1-5 p.m., at the Gibbs Library. The class is designed for drivers age 50 and over. Call 863-1946 for details.

AARP TAX ASSISTANCE provided through April 13 at Friedman Branch Library on Thursdays, 9 a.m.-1 p.m.; Maxwell Branch Library Tuesdays and Fridays, 10 a.m.-2 p.m.; and at the Gibbs Memorial Library Tuesdays, 10 a.m.-2 p.m. Call the Friedman Branch at 736-6758, the Maxwell Branch at 793-2020 or the Gibbs Memorial Library at 863-1946 for more information.

UNIVERSITY SENIORS CLUB has moved to a new location at 4106 Columbia Rd. University Seniors Club offers health screenings, support groups, health education classes and social activities. For more information, call 868-3231 or 1800-413-6652.

HOME-BASED CARE available for low- to mid-income families seeking alternatives to nursing home placement. To participate, individuals must be aged 60 or up or must have disability status as defined by Social Security Administration guidelines. Applicants must also meet program income guidelines. For more information, contact the CSRA Area Agency on Aging at 210-2018 or 1-888-922-4464.

WALTON REHABILITATION HOSPITAL offers Arthritis Aquatics and People With Arthritis Can Exercise. Call 823-5294 for information.

SENIOR VOLUNTEERS NEEDED for the new visitor center at Phinizy Swamp Nature Center to greet visitors, hand out literature and sell merchandise. Volunteers are asked to commit one Saturday or Sunday per month, 9 a.m.-1 p.m. or 1-5 p.m. Call 828-2109 for information.

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AMERICAN RED CROSS BLOOD DRIVES at the Aiken Red Cross Blood Center on Millbrook Drive and the Augusta Red Cross Blood Center on Pleasant Home Road. The bloodmobile will also stop at various area locations this week. For a complete list, call the Aiken Blood Center at (803) 642-5180 or the Augusta Blood Center at 868-8800.

Join us Master’s Week

METRO SPIRIT - APRIL 8, 2004

SHEPEARD COMMUNITY BLOOD CENTER BLOOD DRIVES in various locations around the CSRA this month. For detailed information on locations and times to donate, visit www.shepeardblood.org. You may also call Susan Edwards at (803) 643-7996 for information on Aiken locations and Nancy Szocinski at 737-4551 for information on all other locations.

HOPE HOUSE “VIVA LAS VEGAS” FUNDRAISER will take place May 7, 6:30-11 p.m. at the Radisson Riverfront Hotel.

The evening will feature a Vegas-style casino including Craps, Blackjack, Roulette and Poker, with prizes available to purchase with winnings. All proceeds benefit Hope House, Inc. For more information, call 737-9879.

Sports FAMILY Y RECREATIONAL GYMNASTICS session held through May 14. Classes available for toddlers through teens. Call 738-6678.

THE AUGUSTA VOLLEYBALL ASSOCIATION is looking for new members. For more information, visit www.augustavolleyball.com.

THE AUGUSTA RUGBY CLUB is always looking for new members. Teams are available for women and men; no experience necessary. Practice is Tuesday and Thursday nights, 7-9 p.m. at Richmond Academy. For more information, call Don Zuehlke, 495-2043, or e-mail augustarfc@yahoo.com. You may also visit www.augustarugby.org.

VOLLEYBALL OPEN GYM will be held Wednesday nights in April in the H.O. Weeks Center from 7-9:15 p.m. For more information, call (803) 642-7631.

AUGUSTA FLYERS TRACK CLUB invites area youth ages 7-18 to join the team. Registration is through May 15. For more information, contact George Taylor at 738-3737.

VOLLEYBALL CLASSES FOR KIDS take place on Mondays through April 19 from 6-7:30 p.m. at the H.O. Weeks Center in Aiken. Call (803) 642-7631 for more information.

THE GREENJACKETS KICK OFF THE BASEBALL SEASON WITH THEIR HOME OPENER APRIL 12.

AIKEN PARKS AND RECREATION offers a multitude of programs for senior adults, including bridge clubs, fitness classes, canasta clubs, line dancing, racquetball, arts and crafts, tennis and excursions. For more information, call (803) 642-7631.

AUGUSTA AND THE CSRA offers a variety of classes, including ballroom dance, aerobics, quilting, tai chi, Spanish, line dancing, bowling, bridge, computers, drama club/readers theatre and pinochle. For dates and times, phone 826-4480.

THE ACADEMY FOR LIFELONG LEARNING offers lectures, courses, field trips, discussion groups and community information seminars on a variety of topics to mature adults. For more information, contact the USC-Aiken Office of Continuing Education at (803) 641-3288.

SENIORNET provides adults age 50 and over education for and access to computer technology.

Many different courses are offered. Contact the USC-Aiken Continuing Education Office at (803) 641-3563.

www.metrospirit.com

THE SENIOR CITIZENS COUNCIL OF GREATER

SENIOR VOLUNTEERS NEEDED for new Docent Training Program at the historic home of Nicholas

Ware. Learn the fascinating history of Ware’s Folly and the families who lived there. All interested should call 722-5495.

SPRING SENIOR LUNCHEON at the Lucy Craft Laney Museum of Black History on April 14 at 11:30 a.m. Event will feature guest speakers James Passefero, CEO of Insect Universe, Anthony Page, Film Maker/Financial Analyst and Dianne King, Marketing Director of the Georgia Golf Hall of Fame’s Botanical Gardens. For more information, call 724-3576.

AUGUSTA GREENJACKETS kick off their home season on April 12, with games continuing on consecutive nights at home through April 18. For game times or other information, call 736-7889.

GUIDELINES: Public service announcements are listed in this section without charge at the discretion of the editor. Announcements must be received by Monday at noon and will be included as space permits. Send to Events, Metro Spirit, P.O. Box 3809, Augusta, GA 30914 or fax (706) 733-6663. You may also e-mail listings to rhonda.jones@metrospirit.com or lisa.jordan@metrospirit.com. Listings cannot be taken over the phone.

IN PRINT OR ON THE WEB, METRO SPIRIT IS AUGUSTA’S SOURCE FOR NEWS, ARTS, ENTERTAINMENT, AND HAPPENINGS.

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1987-2002

860-5498

Bomb Epic

Hollywood

Flix Must-See

Boring

Comedy Sleeper Oscar Pick Director Stars This Rocks Famous Silly

Action

follows both the small force of men protecting the Alamo, as well as the members of the Mexican army who are attacking the fort as the melee takes place.

Cast: Dennis Quaid, Jason Patric, Billy Bob Thornton, Emilio Echevarria.

Big Fish (PG-13) — The center of this film is stolid William Bloom (Billy Crudup). Near the end of his father's long life, Bill is still peeved with the old boy for telling so many tall stories, for endlessly embroidering the truth with his drawlin' Dixie whoppers. Beneficiaries of his motorized mouth include wife Sandy (Jessica Lange) and Jenny, the woman who wanted him, a pinin' lady of the pines (Helena Bonham Carter). The movie isn't deep or risky enough to earn the catch in the throat it finally asks for. But it has the appeal of good times remembered and cute, cranky lines like, "Most things considered wicked are simply lonely and lacking in social niceties." Cast: Albert Finney, Ewan McGregor, Billy Crudup, Jessica Lange, Helena Bonham Carter, Steve Buscemi. Running time: 1 hr., 50 mins. (Elliot) !!1/2 Brother Bear (G) — Latest Disney animated offering about a young man, Kenai, who is transformed by The Great Spirits into a bear. On a quest to gain back his human form, Kenai befriends a bear cub, Koda, and evades his human brother, who, not realizing Kenai has been turned into a bear, is on Kenai’s trail on a revenge mission.Cast: Jeremy Suarez, Joaquin Phoenix, Rick Moranis, Dave Thomas.

The Butterfly Effect (R) — As Evan Treborn, Ashton Kutcher is a floppy fishie with a hook in his mouth, and that hook is the script. Seems that Evan's dad is a deranged psycho with a "most unusual" brain disorder who, during the boy's visit to the ward, tries to throt tle and kill him. As Evan grows up, there are other lurid milestones. Evan has a breakthrough: Reading his old diaries, the pages quiver and this lets him mentally travel back to a past he can now change. In the middle, gulping like a caught bass, is Kutcher, aching with sincerit y and technique you could call inadequate except that no technique would be adequate. The poor guy is caught, stuf fed and mounted.

Cast: Ashton Kutcher, Amy Smar t, Elden Henson, Kevin Schmidt, Eric Stolt z, William Lee Scot t. Running time: 1 hr., 53 mins. (Elliot t) !

Cheaper by the Dozen (PG) —

To make an old (1950) Clif ton Webb comedy without Clif ton Webb is a serious loss, but get ting Steve Mar tin — a vanilla-shaked version of Webb's snappish fussiness — is not a bad idea for "Cheaper by the Dozen." He's engaging as Tom Baker, football coach and father of 12 kids. Bonnie Hunt plays the wife and mom, Kate, looking aw fully good despite the wear. The Bakers have a great life in a small town where Tom coaches, but he's hired to go to a bigger team outside Chicago, and the only stor y is the stress on the family from their move. The film is simple and obvious and plastic, but diver ting. Designed to be fluf f, it's fluf f y all the time. Cast: Steve Mar tin, Bonnie Hunt, Piper Perabo, Hilar y Duf f, Richard Jenkins. Running time: 1 hr., 34 mins. (Elliot t) !!

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Dawn of the Dead (R) — Thanks to a

RATINGS !!!! — Excellent

fresh blood.

One must also go to the mall. (To the mall?) The good guys, for some reason, think that the mall is a pret t y neat place to be, too. Needless to say, forces collide, with the good guys deciding to make a run for it to a (supposedly) safe island. But first, they have to get through a sea of the undead.

Based upon the 1979 movie “Dawn of the Dead.” Cast: Sarah Polley, Ving Rhames, Mekhi Phifer, Michael Barr y, Linday Booth, Ty Burrell, Jayne East wood, Michael Kellym, Jake Weber, Kevin Zegers, Tom Savini.

Dirty Dancing: Havana Nights (PG-13) — The first "Dir t y

Dancing" was engaging kitsch, a sprit zy sensation of 1987. Now, we get Britain's Romola Garai as Katey, whose American businessman father moves the family to Havana in late 1958. Katey looks right through the snob Yank who woos her and set tles her virginal eyes on hotel busboy Javier (Diego Luna). He is into hot dancing, which means variants of body rubbing under a lava flow of Cuban music. When Garai delivered some simpy lines in a love scene, cackling broke out at the press preview. Those laughs should be aimed at director Guy Ferland and the script. Cast: Romola Garai, Diego Luna, Patrick Swayze, Sela Ward, Mika Boorem. Running time: 1 hr., 36 mins. (Elliot t) !!

Ella Enchanted (PG) — Ella is a princess living in a fantasy world populated by ogres, giants and fairies. One of these fairies bestows the gif t of obedience upon Ella, who takes the gif t as more of a curse. She sets out on a quest to figure out how to break the spell. Cast: Anne Hathaway, Hugh Dancy, Car y Elwes, Joanna Lumley, Parminda Nagra. Running time: 1 hr., 35 mins.

The Girl Next Door (R) — An 18year-old high-school student and overachiever falls for

!!!— Worthy

!! — Mixed

! — Poor

his new neighbor, Danielle. He has to decide if pursuing a relationship with her is wor th it af ter he learns she used to be a porn star. Cast: Emile Hirsch, Elisha Cuthber t, Timothy Olyphant, James Remar.

The Haunted Mansion (PG) —

Another movie based on a ride at Disneyland, again featuring cheesy, stor y-altering references to the rides, as well as plots about ghosts and curses. Eddie Murphy is a workaholic real estate agent and a smooth-talking sleazebag. A promising real estate deal turns out to be more than he bargains for, and his eagerness to scope out a house on the way to a family vacation leaves his entire family stranded at a creepy, cobweb-ridden Louisiana mansion with a curse. The result is a movie that, while consistently amusing, plays like a hackneyed ef for t to stretch a few minutes of ride into a coherent, hour-and-a-half stor y. Running time: 1 hr., 39 mins. (Fu) !!

Hellboy (PG-13) — It was made by Guillermo del Toro, fan of Mike Mignola's Dark Horse comic book "Hellboy." Ron Perlman gets a big ticket to franchise status as Hellboy. He's a devil child born from a Nazi at tempt (with Rasputin) to open the entrails of hell, yet raised by kindly scientist Prof.

Brut tenholm (John Hur t), longing for sex y depressive Liz (Selma Blair) and amused by Jimmy Olsen-like FBI nerd Myers (Ruper t Evans). Hellboy is huge. He's red.

It's a movie for people (the guy kind) who can't stop turning the pages of comic books, who want life to be serialized. Cast: Ron Perlman, Selma Blair, John Hur t, Jef frey Tambor. 1 hr., 55 mins. (Elliot t) !!

Home on the Range (PG) — Life at an idyllic dair y farm is disrupted first when a snoot y cow comes to live there and secondly when the bank threatens foreclosure on the proper t y. A group of ani-

0— Not worthy

31

plague, the United States is taken over by zombies. It pret t y much follows the rules found in the “Zombie Codebook”: If killed by a zombie, one must return as one. Once turned into a zombie, one must seek

x Fo

METRO SPIRIT - APRIL 8, 2004

Disney dink y, turning the dreams of girls into pif fle. Lindsay Lohan pitches her pret t y charm like mad as "drama queen" Lola, who leaves New York for New Jersey (looks like a section of Burbank), wins a worshipful friend, dazzles a boy, squelches a snark y rival and stars in a rock version of “Pygmalion” full of "American Idol" razzle.

Wasted rather depressingly are Carol Kane, Glenne Headly and other talents, treated as confet ti at Lohan's feet. 1 hr., 34 mins.

(Elliot t) !

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Confessions of a Teenage Drama Queen (PG) — Another

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continued on page 32

Missouri, ever y thing goes wrong on this road-trip adventure. Cast: Cedric the Enter tainer, Bow Wow, Vanessa Williams, Steve Har vey, Solange Knowles, Shannon Elizabeth. Running time: 1 hr., 36 mins.

The Ladykillers (R) — Tom Hanks is Gold thwai t Higginson Dorr, Ph.D., a giggling Di x ie pedant. The home of Bible-loving widow Mar va Munson (Irma P. Hall) is conveniently close to the money stash of a riverboat casino. Her root cellar houses not only the Dorr gang's spurious sessions as Renaissance musicians, but their tunneling scheme. The Coen brothers, directors and wri ters, pile on enough gospel music (real steeple spli t ters) to rival the whi te-roots sound track of "O Brother, Where Ar t Thou?" Since the Coens are almost entirely about something beyond taste, you might as well take the par t y as i t comes, and be amused.

Cast: Tom Hanks, Irma P. Hall, Marlon Wayans, J.K. Simmons, Ryan Hurst, Tzi Ma. Running time: 1 hr., 43 mins. (Elliot t) !!!

The Last Samurai (R) — Tom Cruise stars as Nathan Algren, a heroic Civil War veteran and then embit tered cavalr y man, reduced to heav y drinking and shilling for a gun company. Algren goes to Japan, paid to train the new imperial army in modern ways and weapons. But he finds himself drawn to the insurgent cause and almost idyllic life in the hills of samurai leader Katsumoto (Watanabe), who fights for the old ways and hopes to win over the adolescent emperor from greedy modernists. Having come to teach, Algren stays to learn. He is captured af ter impressing Katsumoto with his fighting spirit; the "barbarian" has a tiger within. "The Last Samurai" bides its time and has a predictable plot, but gives pleasure of a sustained kind. Cast: Tom Cruise, Ken Watanabe, Tony Goldw yn, Timothy Spall, Koyuki. Running time: 2 hrs., 24 mins. (Elliot t) !!!

The Lord of the Rings: The Return of the King (PG-13) —

32

METRO SPIRIT - APRIL 8, 2004

lasts 200 minutes, and some of those are long minutes. The last 20 can feel like an hour, for clearly creator Peter Jackson didn't wish to let his saga go.

Bernard Hill, Viggo Mor tensen and Orlando Bloom are impressive fighters, and Cate Blanchet t makes a gorgeous Galadriel. This is posing, not acting. Sir Ian McKellen acts ver y well as noble Gandalf, but lines about hear t, courage and fate make him Lord For tune Cookie. "Lord" is all epic, all the time. Jackson loves bat tles, which means hurling dense masses of mostly computerized fighters at one another. If the clima x battle this time is more overpowering than the Helm's Deep boggler in "Two Towers," does it truly deepen the stor y? Maybe it is just more spectacle, as clima xes are stacked high and then the epic winds down with Elijah Woods as Frodo (now mildly matured) ex iting

My Baby’s Daddy (PG-13) —

A trio of par t ying bachelors from the ‘hood must curb their wild ways when they discover all three of their girlfriends are pregnant at the same time. Cast: Eddie Grif fin, Anthony Anderson, Method Man, Bai Ling, Paula Jai Parker.

Never Die Alone (R) — Makes each viewer die alone, but shared laughter with other customers may forge a death-pact bond. David (DMX) is laid out in his bier, in pious mimicr y of photos of the dead Tupac Shakur. He is also King David, regal drug dealer back in Los Angeles to reclaim his throne. But there waiting is Moon (Clif ton Powell), a crime Caesar who has clearly seen way too many '70s "bla xploitation" movies. King David spor ts fine threads but frets about his soul and quotes from the Bible. It is in David's Bible that white writer Paul (David Arquet te) finds the soulful truths of the royal life af ter he is of fed. You'd never guess that director Ernest Dickerson did exciting photography for Spike Lee, so grainy, light-drunk and blasted by cliché is most of the imager y. This is not street but gut ter, and ever y actor is hosed away. Cast: DMX, David Arquet te, Michael Ealy, Clif ton Powell. Running time: 1 hr., 35 mins. 0

The Passion of the Christ (R) — is Mel Gibson's risk y, passionate treatment of Christ's last 12 hours, long on fear and gore and agony, devils (even Satan), sadistic and/or guilt y Romans, hatefully smug Jewish priests and, above all, the tormented face of Jim Caviezel as Jesus. Gibson uses heav y, hackneyed devices and naive tactics; he thinks a few brief flashbacks to benign gospel episodes can of fset and illuminate the relentless flood of anguish and bloodshed, and he comes close to making this a rite of faithbased sadism. It is up to believers to decide if Gibson's Jesus is their own, but since no actor can truly act the Son of God spiritually, Caviezel becomes a sacrificial of fering. Running Time: 2 hrs., 7 mins.(Elliot t) !!

The Prince and Me (PG) — It's about a fair y tale romance bet ween Denmark's Prince Edvard (Luke Mably) and an American farm girl turned workaholic U. of Wisconsin student, Paige (Julia Stiles). The plot t wist is that Paige doesn't know that Eddie is a prince who has gone undercover as an exchange student. They have a quick, coy cour tship, with fun on campus and Ed visiting her farm home, where he learns to milk a cow. Of course, photo pests

Scooby Doo 2: Monsters Unleashed (PG) — Scooby and the gang

are back for another adventure. This time, they’re on the trail of an anonymous masked villain who’s wreaking havoc on Coolsville with a machine that spits out monsters. All signs point to Old Man Wickles... Cast: Freddie Prinze Jr., Sarah Michelle Gellar, Linda Cardellini, Peter Boyle, Alicia Silverstone, Seth Green, Mat thew Lillard.

Secret Window (R) — Writer Mor t Rainey (Johnny Depp), traumatized by divorce from Amy (Maria Bello), who's taken up with her plot device of a lover (Timothy Hut ton), is ready to become jellied put ty for a grim rustic who trails Southern Gothic literary vines.

John Shooter (John Tur turro) shows up claiming that Rainey plagiarized a story of his, ruined the ending and deserves cruel payment. How, really, do you go wrong with actors like Tur turro, Depp, Bello, Hut ton and (as a private eye) Charles S. Dut ton? By using them as spits for King's brand of corn, roasted and then shoved down the gullets of the gullible. Cast: Johnny Depp, Maria Bello, John Tur turro, Len Cariou, Timothy Hut ton, Charles S. Dut ton.

(Elliot t) !!

Spartan (R) — A genuinely ugly David Mamet film. The first daughter is snatched by white slavers; a monotonal soldier (Val Kilmer) spearheads the high-tech rescue. Af ter blasts of gunfire and sprays of red mist, the story set tles on a preposterous finale in Dubai. Exposure of high corruption comes not as shocking revelation but as a sordid payoff on cheap cynicism. Mamet veteran William H. Macy here looks simply angry, as well he should.

Running time: 1 hr., 46 mins. (Salm) !

ence for Chris' indignant rages, his glorious and glowering ability to inflict mayhem while also trashing proper ty. Cast: The Rock, Johnny Knoxville, Neal McDonough. Running time: 1 hr., 35 mins. (Elliot t)

Welcome to Mooseport (PG-13) —

Browse at the hardware store run by nice, nervous Handy Harrison (Ray Romano), who also does plumbing. And over at the best house in town toss a happy howdy at retired President Monroe Eagle Cole (Gene Hackman), a Mount Rushmore unto himself, still glowing as "the most popular president in our history." Sor ta bored and restless, Eagle lets himself get roped into running for mayor. So does Handy. This distracts the easily addled Handy from his never having asked adorable Sally (Maura Tierney) to marry him, and Eagle gets to exercise his celebrity while trying to evade his rapacious ex-wife (Christine Baranski).

At its best, the film is cute; when it isn't, it seems like a blank screen. Cast: Gene Hackman, Ray Romano, Marcia Gay Harden, Christine Baranski, Maura Tierney, Rip Torn, Fred Savage. Running time: 1 hr., 40 mins. (Elliot t) !!

The Whole 10 Yards (PG-13) —

Retired hitman turned domestic god, Jimmy “The Tulip” Tudeski, receives an unwanted visitor from the past — it’s Nicholas “Oz” Oseransky, looking for help in rescuing his wife from Hungarian mobsters. Cast: Bruce Willis, Mat thew Perry, Natasha Henstridge, Amanda Peet, Kevin Pollak.

Running time: 1 hr., 37 mins.

You Got Served (PG-13) — Elgin and David are best friends who are serious about their hobby: urban street dancing. When another town’s top group challenges them to a dancing competition, the boys must create new, cut ting-edge moves to stay in the game.

Cast: Marques Houston, Omari Grandberry, Jennifer Freeman, Jarrell Houston, Dreux Frederic.

—Capsules compiled from movie reviews written by David Elliott, film critic for The San Diego Union-Tribune and other staff writers.

The Texas Chainsaw Massacre (R) — It’s a remake of the original film and based loosely on true events that inspired that film and “The Silence of the Lambs.” A group of friends becomes isolated in the midst of a clan of cannibals.

Cast: Jessica Biel, Jonathan Tucker, Eric Balfour, Erica Leerhsen.

Walking Tall (PG-13) — is "dedi-

cated to the memory of Sheriff Buford Pusser," the hero subject of 1973's "Walking Tall." Now there is Chris Vaughn, former Special Forces rock played by The Rock (Dwayne Douglas Johnson). The Washington state town to which veteran Chris returns has a new and gaudy casino not far from the sadly closed lumber mill. The casino king and town master is blond and blocky, played like a Nor thwest Nazi by Neal McDonough. His goons also sell drugs, and af ter Chris' nephew tries some bad stuff, Chris goes on a bashing rampage. Soon, he is elected sheriff. Chris fondly remembers "the smell of fresh cedar" at the mill, and it is a grand slab of cut cedar he uses to slam heads, backs, legs and guts. The real love is that of the audi-

Warner Brothers

Johnson Family Vacation (PG-13) — On the way to a family reunion in

arrive, and dut y calls Edvard back to Copenhagen, and Paige follows. We also get James Fox as the old king, wanly noble and happy about Denmark getting a commoner queen (the old queen, Miranda Richardson, has doubts). Cast: Julia Stiles, Luke Mably, James Fox, Miranda Richardson. Running time: 1 hr., 41 mins. (Elliot t) !!

eW h “T

mals vows to save the farm. Cast: Randy Quaid, Judi Dench, Roseanne Barr, Jennifer Tilly, Cuba Gooding.

Jersey Girl (PG-13) — He is PR wizard Ollie Trinke (Ben Af fleck), she is darlin' Ger tie (Raquel Castro). Jennifer Lopez appears as the mom, who dies giving bir th before Lopez can bir th much per formance. Ollie has already blown his big talent agency job in the Big Apple, set tling sourly for the prune pi t of a town in New Jersey. He moves into the Jersey home of slobby dad Bar t (George Carlin). Liv Tyler is Maya, a grad student and video store clerk.

She's real, funny, charming and imperatively sex y.

Tyler and Af fleck are cute as puppies, but is that enough? Director Kevin Smi th, reaching into his most tender feelings, comes up wi th hairballs of hokum.

Cast: Ben Af fleck, George Carlin, Liv Tyler, Jennifer Lopez, Raquel Castro, Jason Biggs, Mat t Damon, Mike Starr. Running time: 1 hr., 43 mins. !!

sweetly, his destiny done.

Cast: Ian McKellen, Elijah Wood, Cate Blanchet t, Viggo Mor tensen, Ian Holm, Orlando Bloom, Sean Astin.

Running time: 3 hrs., 20 mins. !!

Miracle (PG) — Kur t Russell has a topper role as a real hero, Coach Herb Brooks. Russell doesn't just play him as a hero, as an iron profile nex t to a waving flag. Brooks coached the U.S. hockey team at the 1980 Winter Olympics, achieving a tremendous upset over a Soviet team of older players that had ruled and terrified Olympic hockey since 1960. Russell plays Brooks as a driven man not easily distracted.

Being ordained, the movie is clichéd. It has to go through the frets and sweats and bonding and drills, then hi t high at the Olympics, so i t does. But what a game i t was. Not to be moved is to show adrenaline deficiency. Brooks' "miracle" team thrilled a sullen America and impressed the world. Cast: Kur t Russell, Patricia Clarkson, Noah Emmerich, Eddie Cahill, Michael Mantenuto. Running time: 1 hr., 40 mins.

(Elliot t) !!!

The Missing (R) — Cate Blanchet t is again superb, as a flint y frontier mom who rides hard across 1870s New Mex ico, chasing a mostly Apache band that took her daughter and slowly making up with her long absent and "gone Injun" father (Tommy Lee Jones). Ron Howard directed with a true eye for detail and landscape, Eric Schweig is an alarmingly vicious sorcerer, the brutalit y is frequent and not for tender viewers. Running time: 2 hrs., 10 mins. (Elliot t) !!!

0 Yards” 1 e l o h

continued from page 31

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flix

The Rock Inflicts Righteous Mayhem in “Walking Tall”

By David Elliott

“W

Some of Golf's Greatest Masters Have a New Home in Augusta, GA...

Experience the Beauty

of over 8 acres of display gardens featuring larger-than-life bronze sculptures of some of golf's greatest masters such as Arnold Palmer at the Pergola Towers, Jack Nicklaus on the Green by the 18 foot water- fall, Bobby Jones in the Quad… just to name a few!!

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METRO SPIRIT - APRIL 8, 2004

Special Hours Masters Week: April 4-12, 2004: 9am-7pm

Eleventh and Reynolds St. 706-724-4443 www.gghf.org

alking Tall” is “dedicated to the memory of Sheriff Buford Pusser,” whom you may recall as the hero subject of 1973’s “Walking Tall.”

That one briefly made a star of Joe Don Baker, who soon settled for a hefty career playing thugs, louts and creepy smilers (prime Baker: “Charley Varrick”).

Now there is the Pusserized and pulverizing hero Chris Vaughn, former Special Forces rock played by the Rock (Dwayne Douglas Johnson).

Whereas Baker had a streak of sadistic zeal as righteously town-saving Sheriff Pusser (a real guy and instant pulp myth) — Baker made you believe he also crushed some skulls on his own time — the Rock is a nice monolith of muscle, a decent hunk who takes some abuse, then dishes out more with a slightly pained fury.

The Washington state town to which veteran Chris returns has a new and gaudy casino not far from the sadly closed lumber mill. The casino king and town master is blond and blocky, played like a Northwest Nazi by Neal McDonough. His goons also sell drugs, and after Chris’ nephew tries some bad stuff, Chris goes on a bashing rampage.

A short speech — who would want long speeches from the Rock? — convinces a jury to let him off easy.

Soon, he is elected sheriff, but despite the popular mandate seems able to hire only one deputy, a giddy exdruggie (Johnny Knoxville) who thinks violence is a party.

Apparently, the casino is Indian, but there are hardly any American Indians around (Chris is black, or biracial, perhaps half-Indian). The only thriving business is the casino, so where do people get the money to gamble?

Instead of sense, poetry. Chris fondly remembers “the smell of fresh cedar” at the mill, and it is a grand slab of cut cedar he uses (instead of Pusser's bat) to slam heads, backs, legs and guts. The decisive fight happens among the big trees (cedars?), which stand tall with Chris, though he suffers a serious knee injury.

There is a love interlude with a former girlfriend who fell into sex-club dancing but now feels cleansed by Chris and his cedar freshness. The real love is that of the audience for Chris’ indignant rages, his glorious and glowering ability to inflict mayhem while also trashing property.

The old “Walking Tall” was seen as having populist politics, along with such other rousers of its time as “Joe,” “Death Wish,” “Billy Jack” and “Dirty Harry.” Now those movies seem as dim as their politics, but the old cedar magic remains: An angry good guy smashes bad ones. Man, can you smell it?

flix

Easter Sunday — April 11 —

“The Alamo” — Good Characters and Not Much Else

8:30 am & 11:00 am I-20 at Belair Road (Exit 194) 706-868-6410 • www.nhwc.org

By Rachel Deahl

A

t the tail end of 2003, Hollywood released a seafaring epic about chivalry, patriotism and the horrors of 19th century maritime warfare in “Master and Commander.” Unlike many critics, I found “Master” mostly tedious.

That said, where the characters fell mostly flat and the storyline dragged, director Peter Weir offered some flashes of brilliance: Sprinkled in among the shots of men at sea were gripping scenes of ships ripping each other apart.

Weir offered impressive and haunting images that showed what it must have been like to do battle at sea during that era. But, for the most part, what Weir showed was that life as a sailor is, in the end, marked by long stretches of boredom. In a similar vein, “The Alamo,” which was supposed to be released earlier this year, misses its mark. Sophomore director John Lee Hancock (“The Rookie”) winds up revealing that the Alamo was a quick battle which took a painstakingly long time to get underway.

Hancock, a native Texan, says in the press notes that what he most wanted to do in “The Alamo” was present a tale that diluted the mythology surrounding the story. Although Hancock does a fair job trying to present the historical figures who emerged from the battle in a more complex light than in previous Hollywood films (like John Wayne’s 1960 film “The Alamo”), the movie is still ultimately mired in trite generalities and visuals about bravery and war. Like Hancock’s first film, “The Rookie,” a rousing tale of a high school baseball coach who is coaxed to try out for the majors by his young team, “The Alamo” is a rather simplistic re-telling of a David and Goliath scenario. Hancock has pitted the noble underdog against the gruesome giant and the winner emerges with a chance at immortality.

So, although Hancock doesn’t offer

anything to the discourse on the subject of the Alamo beyond what you might learn from an elementary school history lesson, he does do a fair job portraying the key historical figures associated with the event. The three key figures in the battle — Davy Crockett (Billy Bob Thornton), William Travis (Patrick Wilson) and Jim Bowie (Jason Patric) — are all crafted with a slightly deeper eye towards history. Of the three, Hancock is most interested in Crockett, who is depicted here as a good-hearted failed Washington politician who arrives at the Alamo looking for free land, not a fight. Thornton’s valorous, sweet Crockett — who prefers going by “David, not Davy” — is depicted as both blessed and cursed by celebrity.

The beneficiary of nationally known tall tales and a widely seen play, Crockett — who describes himself as a regular guy from Tennessee — is played with deep humanity and gentleness by Thornton. Of course, in the end, Hancock goes to all the effort of showing us David Crockett only to leave us with an image of Davy — Thornton’s character is heroically the last one left standing and falls to the Mexicans with a decidedly Hollywood finish.

Built on what wound up being the largest set ever created in North America, “The Alamo” never gives off the feel of a remarkable war movie. The set doesn’t look particularly impressive and the battle scenes are forgettable. At one point, early on in the film, when William Travis arrives at the fort he has been assigned to defend, his departing captain tells him he needs to be wary of two things: That his men will kill each other or that they’ll die of boredom. The latter statement is all too apropos since, in his attempt to offer a realistic depiction of the events at the Alamo, Hancock delivers what amounts to a long, drawn-out waiting game.

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METRO SPIRIT - APRIL 8, 2004

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Happy Hour 7-9

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Every Thursday we are giving away 2 tickets on the Party bus (Roundtrip transportation and two nights accommodations) It’s a party in the big easy and Coyotes gets you there!

Friday & Saturday

The Rhes Reeves Band and Shelly Watkins FREE DANCE LESSONS with Bob Herman

APRIL 8TH

Montgomery Gentry’s opening act Show Starts At 9 pm All-Girl Band are MUSTANG SALLY Tickets $8.00 @

the Door Wednesday $9 All you can drink (includes cover)

The Girls of Spring Break Bikini Contest (Girls, You can take home your share of $700 cash!!)

Movies Good 4/9 – 4/15 Ella Enchanted (PG) Fri-Wed: 12:20, 2:35, 4:55, 8:05, 10:30; Thur: 12:05, 2:35, 4:55, 8:05, 10:30 The Alamo (PG-13) 12:05, 3:20, 7:05, 10:05 The Girl Next Door (R) Fri-Sat: 12:50, 3:45, 7:15, 10:00, 12:30; Sun-Thur: 12:50, 3:45, 7:15, 10:00 The Whole Ten Yards (PG-13) Fri-Sat: 1:15, 4:05, 7:25, 10:00, 12:25; Sun-Thur: 1:15, 4:05, 7:25, 10:00 Johnson Family Vacation (PG-13) Fri-Sat: 11:55, 1:10, 2:40, 3:50, 5:00, 7:20, 7:50, 9:50 10:35, 12:15; Sun-Thur: 11:55, 1:10, 2:40, 3:50, 5:00, 7:20, 7:50, 9:50 10:35 13 Going on 30 (PG-13) Sat: 7:00 Hellboy (PG-13) Fri-Sat: 12:40, 1:30, 3:40, 4:30, 6:55, 7:35, 9:40, 10:20, 12:25; SunThur: 12:40, 1:30, 3:40, 4:30, 6:55, 7:35, 9:40, 10:20 Home on the Range (PG) Fri-Sat: 12:00, 1:00, 2:00, 3:05, 4:00, 5:15, 7:00, 9:15, 11:15; Sun-Thur: 12:00, 1:00, 2:00, 3:05, 4:00, 5:15, 7:00, 9:15 Jersey Girl (PG-13) Fri: 1:45, 4:25, 7:10, 9:45, 12:15; Sat: 1:45, 4:25, 12:15; SunThur: 1:45, 4:25, 7:10, 9:45 The Ladykillers (R) 12:15, 2:45, 5:10, 7:40, 10:15 Never Die Alone (R) Fri-Sat: 12:10, 2:20, 4:35, 7:55, 10:10, 12:20; Sun-Thur: 12:10, 2:20, 4:35, 7:55, 10:10 Scooby Doo 2 (PG) Fri-Sat: 1:20, 3:40, 6:45, 9:00, 11:20; Sun-Thur: 1:20, 3:40, 6:45, 9:00 Walking Tall (PG-13) Fri-Sat: 12:30, 2:30, 3:15, 4:40, 5:25, 6:50, 7:45, 9:10, 9:55, 11:20, 12:05; Sun-Thur: 12:30, 2:30, 3:15, 4:40, 5:25, 6:50, 7:45, 9:10, 9:55 The Prince and Me (PG) Fri-Sat: 1:20, 4:10, 6:45, 9:20, 11:55; Sun-Thur: 1:20, 4:10, 6:45, 9:20 Dawn of the Dead (R) 12:25, 2:50, 5:25, 8:00, 10:25 Secret Window (PG-13) Fri-Sat: 7:30, 9:50, 12:00; Sun-Thur: 7:30, 9:50 The Passion of the Christ (R) 12:00, 12:45, 3:30, 4:00, 6:40, 7:00, 9:40, 10:10 EVANS 14 CINEMAS

Movies Good 4/9 - 4/15 The Alamo (PG-13) Fri-Sun: 12:55, 3:45, 6:45, 9:35; Mon-Thur: 3:55, 6:45, 9:35 The Girl Next Door (R) Fri-Sun: 2:10, 4:30, 7:05, 9:30; Mon-Thur: 4:30, 7:05, 9:30 The Whole Ten Yards (PG-13) Fri-Sun: 1:25, 3:35, 5:45, 7:55, 10:00; Mon-Thur: 5:45, 7:55, 10:00 Ella Enchanted (PG) Fri-Sun: 12:50, 2:55, 5:05, 7:10, 9:15; Mon-Thur: 5:05, 7:10, 9:15 Johnson Family Vacation (PG-13) Fri-Sun:

1:15, 3:25, 5:35, 7:45, 9:55; Mon-Thur: 5:35, 7:45, 9:55 Home on the Range (PG) Fri-Sun: 12:45, 2:50, 5:10, 7:15, 9:20; Mon-Thur: 5:10, 7:15, 9:20 Walking Tall (PG-13) Fri-Sun: 1:05, 3:10, 5:20, 7:30, 9:30; Mon-Thur: 5:20, 7:30, 9:30 The Prince & Me (PG) Fri-Sun: 2:00, 4:20, 6:55, 9:10; Mon-Thur: 4:20, 6:55, 9:10 Hellboy (PG-13) Fri-Sun: 1:50, 4:45, 7:25, 9:55; Mon-Thur: 4:45, 7:25, 9:55 The Ladykillers (R) Fri-Sun: 1:40, 4:10, 7:20, 9:40; Mon-Thur: 4:10, 7:20, 9:40 Scooby Doo 2 (PG) Fri-Sun: 1:10, 3:20, 5:30, 7:40, 9:50; Mon-Thur: 5:30, 7:40, 9:50 Jersey Girl (PG-13) Fri-Sun: 2:20, 4:50, 7:10. 9:25; Mon-Thur: 4:50, 7:10. 9:25 Dawn of the Dead (R) Fri-Sun: 2:30, 4:40, 7:35, 9:45; Mon-Thur: 4:40, 7:35, 9:45 Passion of the Christ (R) Fri-Sun: 1:00, 4:00, 7:00, 9:45; Mon-Thur: 4:00, 7:00, 9:45 MASTERS 7 CINEMAS

Movies Good 4/9 – 4/15

Confessions of a Teenage Drama Queen (PG) Fri-Sun: 1:10, 3:10, 5:10, 7:10, 9:15;

Mon-Thur: 5:10, 7:10, 9:15

My Baby’s Daddy (PG-13) Fri-Sun: 1:00,

3:00, 5:00, 7:25, 9:50; Mon-Thur: 5:00, 7:25, 9:50 Big Fish (PG-13) Fri-Sun: 12:40, 4:00, 6:55, 9:30; Mon-Thur: 4:00, 6:55, 9:30

Lord of the Rings: The Return of the King (PG-13) Fri-Sun: 12:30, 4:15, 8:15; Mon-

Thur: 4:15, 8:15 Miracle (PG) Fri-Sun: 12:45, 3:55, 6:45, 9:20; Mon-Thur: 3:55, 6:45, 9:20 You Got Served (PG-13) Fri-Sun: 1:05, 3:05, 5:05, 7:30, 9:45; Mon-Thur: 5:05, 7:30, 9:45 Butterfly Effect (R) 4:30, 9:25 Cheaper by the Dozen (PG) Fri-Sun: 1:45, 7:05; Mon-Thur: 7:05 REGAL 12 CINEMAS

Movies Good 4/9 – 4/15 Big Fish (PG-13) 2:00, 4:50, 7:45 Confessions of a Teenage Drama Queen (PG) 2:25, 4:55, 7:10, 9:10 Spartan (R) 2:15, 4:40, 7:00, 9:15 Lord of the Rings: The Return of the King (PG-13) 2:35, 7:35 Welcome to Mooseport (PG-13) 2:00,

4:25, 7:15, 9:35

You Got Served (PG-13) 2:30, 4:40, 7:25,

9:30

Butterfly Effect (R) 1:55, 4:20, 7:00, 9:20 Torque (PG-13) 2:20, 4:20, 7:15, 9:05 Brother Bear (G) 2:10, 4:35 Cheaper by the Dozen (PG) 2:05, 4:30,

7:20, 9:25

Haunted Mansion (PG) 2:15, 4:15, 7:05,

9:00

The Last Samurai (R) 1:50, 4:45, 7:40 Texas Chainsaw Massacre (R) 7:30, 9:35

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METRO SPIRIT - APRIL 8, 2004

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METRO SPIRIT - APRIL 8, 2004

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37

MUSIC Third Day and Toby Mac Join Forces for Tour

F

38

METRO SPIRIT - APRIL 8, 2004

or 11 years, Atlanta-based Third Day has been cranking out Southern roots-rock with a message. Over that time, as the band’s members have grown and changed, so has the music; but, as drummer David Carr can attest, much has stayed the same.

“Our music, lyrically is full of basically the message that we want to get out there, which is the gospel and the story of Christ. And so we put it throughout our songs, and it’s usually not extremely blatant. Some of our earlier stuff was,” he says. “You really have to listen to know what we’re talking about. During our shows, it becomes obvious fairly quickly. It’s changed a lot, ‘cause we’re all in our late 20s/early 30s now. So we’ve changed, and with that, what we do changes.”

That’s just one of the things that’s altered for Third Day. Another change — and a big one — is the inclusion of spouses and children into the musical mix.

“All of us have children. Three of us have three kids apiece,” Carr says. “There’s this kind of myth that Third Day is always on the road. We used to do that, but I look at the way some bands tour, and I think we have it very easy. We get to come home pretty much every week, and we only tour for a couple months at a time.”

This time around, the road takes Third Day out with Toby Mac and Warren Barfield.

“Toby Mac is a guy that we’ve always kind of looked up to,” Carr says. “He was kind of the front guy for dc talk. Still is. That was a band that pioneered what we’re doing now. They were one of the first more rock-oriented bands that really kind of made the kind of waves they did in Christian music. To have him up there for us, it’s humbling.”

Another humbling thing about Third Day’s successes, he says, is now being in a position where other bands look up to them.

“Stylistically, I think we’re the same band we’ve always been. We’ve developed a sound that’s kind of our own, and now we have bands that want to sound like us. It’s flattering,” he says. “We’ve gotten a lot better, and it’s funny sometimes — I think, ‘What am I going to do when I grow up?’ Because it feels like music is just this adolescent sort of thing, and it’s not. I think, ‘What am I professional at? Wait a minute — I’m in a band.’ I certainly don’t feel like it most of the time.”

Toby Mac Embraces Musical Diversity When the members of popular Christian group dc talk parted ways to pursue separate solo projects, many fans wondered if it marked the end of the band. Member Toby McKeehan — better known as Toby Mac — assures us it isn’t so. For McKeehan, his solo album, 2001’s “Momentum,” provided an outlet to try something new.

By Lisa Jordan

“I think it’s something that had been building for a few years — just a desire to express ourselves individually.

There was no trouble in the camp; we always seemed to wear our stuff on our sleeve,” he explains. “It just really came down to desire, and then we figured something out along the way — I did, at least. When I sort of came down off that dc talk hill, I realized that I wasn’t really climbing anymore. I was just sort of camping. When I began climbing this mountain called a solo adventure, I realized there’s really life in the climb. Anyone out there, if you’re feeling a little complacent, go find a new hill to climb.”

McKeehan’s journey up the hill included getting reacquainted with the hip-hop influence that tinged dc talk’s earlier works. He says that by the time the band’s “Supernatural” album came out, some of the hip-hop feel had been stripped away.

“All the hip-hop had been sort of sucked out of the record I was making,” he says. “That was the part of the record that I loved. I grew up with hip-hop — there’s always that element that’s ran through my songs. I guess I looked up and that was gone. So when I got to make my solo record, of course I was going to go there, and it was satisfying.”

THIRD DAY Reconnecting with his hip-hop roots was just part of the equation. McKeehan has also been able to connect with fans on a more personal level.

“I’m just passionate about music and life and to be able to tie all that together and express yourself in your music. The things you’ve struggled through, the things you’ve gotten victory over — all that is life, for all of us,” he says. “For me, it’s just like, to be a believer in God has sort of changed my perspective, so I’m looking at life through that perspective. To know that there’s people out there that are connecting with that, are inspired to live life in a deeper way, that’s what it’s about for me.

“And just enjoying it, having a good time through my music. Sometimes you get so heavy at people and forget that we’re allowed to have a party for all the right reasons. I want to be reflective, but at the same time, I definitely want to have a good time.”

To that end, McKeehan tries to make his live shows as interactive as possible. His goal, he says, is to strip away the idea of the stage as a barrier separating a performer from his audience. In turn, the moment becomes a shared experience. McKeehan’s tour with Third Day is an opportunity to do just that.

“I applaud Third Day for even taking us out. We’re very much culturally outside the norm of the lily-white Christian music,” he says. “A stage has multiple races and cultures. We sort of serve up this gumbo. I think Third Day, it’s my guess, they really believe that our industry needs to be more diverse.”

TOBY MAC

Who: Third Day, Toby Mac, Warren Barfield When: April 15

Where: Augusta-Richmond County Civic Center Tickets and Info: 724-2400 or 828-7700

Larry Jon Wilson Delivers a Down-Home Experience

Welcome Masters Guests!

By Ed Turner

I

professional freshness and ease, not an easy thing to do when one realizes that Mullins has performed these songs thousands of times. Several new tunes, which should find a place on his next album, were debuted as well. An engaging, energetic and witty performer, Mullins no longer sports long locks as he did during his “Soul’s Core” days of ‘98.

If Andy Griffith’s Mayberry had a resident singer-songwriter (that Bobby Fleet and his Band With a Beat never would settle down) it would have been someone like Larry Jon Wilson. His down-home demeanor and laid-back stage presence made you feel like you were right in his living room. Songs from his four albums in addition to “The Sapelo Song” and the infectious “Friday Night at Al’s Place’ were well-received and for me the highlight of the set. Wilson recently recorded new versions of the two aforementioned tunes in Nashville (due to be released later this year in England) with many of his old pals from Muscle Shoals including Billy Swan, Tony Joe White, and Reggie Young.

As with his Augusta Museum show 18 months ago, Wilson had to contend with his hands cramping as he played his guitar during his set. However, the slimmeddown singer shook off any distractions from the offending digits as each song was greeted with welcome recognition by the adoring audience.

For those Wilson fans impatient for new material, there is good news as the concert was filmed and recorded for possible future release. We Augustans are very fortunate to call Larry Jon one of our own as the man and his deep-rooted old Southern values are a welcome throwback to the days when true talent from real people actually mattered.

39

LARRY JON WILSON PERFORMS A RARE HOMETOWN SHOW.

1032 Broad St 706-303-CHOW

METRO SPIRIT - APRIL 8, 2004

Photo by Michael E. Johnson

t was nothing short of a warm gathering of friends. Some Augustans postponed spring break vacations while popular local singer Pat Blanchard even left his hospital bed in order to enjoy a rare occurrence: Larry Jon Wilson performing in his own hometown.

Wilson, Shawn Mullins and John D. Loudermilk gave a packed Imperial Theater audience a night to remember Saturday night as the three singer-songwriters taught a master class of sorts on “Musical Storytelling 101.” Fans could be heard throughout the beautiful venue singing along with many of the trio’s songs — a testament to the great strength and timelessness of the material. It was a real treat indeed to have musicians of their caliber share the same stage.

The three performed individual minisets leading off with 70-year-old John D. Loudermilk, who absolutely slew the concertgoers with versions of many of his countless hits that included “A Rose and a Baby Ruth,” “Abilene,” “Break My Mind,” and “Tobacco Road.” The softspoken singer regaled the fans with stories behind the songs and had everyone in his hip pocket at the first chord. A surprise for many was a strong rendition of “Turn Me On,” which has enjoyed a great deal of popularity since Norah Jones covered the Loudermilk song on her “Come Away With Me” multi-platinum album. His encore was a gorgeous rendering of his immortal standard that was originally a 1967 hit for the Casinos “Then You Can Tell Me Goodbye.”

Shawn Mullins began his set with an exquisite version of “Shimmer” and never slowed down. “Level Land,” “Twin Rocks” and his biggest hit to date, “Lullaby,” were each dispatched with

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4/8 Thursday New Direction taproom

4/9 Friday Black Bottom Biscuits

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METRO SPIRIT - APRIL 8, 2004

4/10 Saturday String Theory 4/16 Friday David Childers 4/17 Saturday The Drovers

s g tin

h g i S

BECKY, ASHLEY, BOBBY AND MICHELLE WRIGHT AT LE CAFÉ DU TEAU.

MARIA AND C HRIS

MACINNIS AT FOX’S LAIR.

R AT AN

E TAL BARB AND CRYS N O X A S BRIAN E. LYNX GAM AUGUSTA

ND NANCY PAT BIRONE A , EY N O H A M SUE S. ACHO MAMA’ NAYLOR AT N

MICHAEL WAHMAN, GLENN GREEN, SINATRA, JULIE WAHMAN, JOE WAHMAN AND ALEXANDR WAHMAN AT THE FIRST FRIDAY GREAT DANE PARADE.

CORIE MARTIN, MYKIE G, DAYAN RIVERA AND BRIAN FLEEMAN AT WHEELER TAVERN.

LUE

A AT B HEE CAMMIS

ND KAT BILL QUINN A .

SKY KITCHEN

KATE SIDEMAN, LES BERTRAND AND MARY SCHORSCH AT MARY PAULINE GALLERY.

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Photos by Michael E. Johnson

METRO SPIRIT - APRIL 8, 2004

SHANE AND REQUEL MA TTHEWS, VICKI JORDAN AND BEN BENTLEY AT MODJESKA.

music minis Britney’s Bus Driver a Bad Boy As if trying out for a sequel to “Speed,” Britney Spears’ bus driver zoomed through a 65 mph zone at a whopping 78 mph. (OK, so it ain’t light speed. Gimme a break here: I’m embellishing.) When a trooper tried to get him to stop, he declined for about 10 more miles. He was delivering crew (not Britney) and equipment, and allowed to continue, but did not show up for his arraignment later that day (Tuesday, April 6). The dude, David Raines, is 51 and should know better.

More Proof That Life Is Just Not Fair Guadalupe Lopez just won $2.4 million at a casino in New Jersey. She is the mother who spawned Jennifer Lopez. Yes, that Jennifer Lopez. And that’s all I have to say about that.

ABBA’s Goose To Remain Cooked People have been trying to bribe ABBA into reuniting. Four years ago,

they were offered a figure that would have made Dr. Evil squeal for joy — one billion dollars. Recently, Bjo¨rn Ulvaeus was asked if they’d do it for $2 million. No way, he said. His sparkly costumes are now in a museum and he doesn’t want to put anyone through the “disappointment” that would ensue if the four of them got back out there again. Besides, he said, he can’t remember the songs. He does, however, stay in touch with his exwife and -bandmate, Agnetha. The pair have a small grandchild, but no plans of reuniting — musically or otherwise.

Not Your Average Rock Junkie Jeff Tweedy of Wilco has checked himself into rehab-land, but not for a drinking problem, and not for illicit chemicals. He’s going in for prescription painkillers, a habit he formed as a result of his chronic migraines.

COMPILED BY RHONDA JONES

Information compiled from online and other music news sources.

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METRO SPIRIT - APRIL 8, 2004

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golf by turner

E

mbarrassing moments on the golf course. Of course, every golfer has a story or two to tell about four-putting a green or hitting a fellow duffer with an errant shot, but when professional golfers make major mistakes on the links everybody knows it. Those cameras just don’t miss a thing.

As with all golf events, the Masters has had its share of golfers who have had holes and even entire rounds that they wish had never happened. TOM WEISKOPF’s unforgettable nineover par 13 that he carded on the par-three 12 in 1980 is still the highest score recorded on the hole to date by a Masters participant. Most everyone remembers poor GREG NORMAN’s collapse in 1996 when the Aussie’s lead of six strokes going into the final round was wiped out by a charging NICK FALDO. ROBERTO DEVICENZO’s “beeg mistake” of signing an incorrect scorecard after Sunday’s round was completed in 1968 takes the cake as far as Masters gaffes are concerned. Instead of playing for the title in a playoff the following day, DeVicenzo’s unfortunate error allowed BOB GOALBY to take the Green Jacket that year and will forever be a major part of Masters lore.

However, rarely does a spectator experience any type of embarrassment comparable to what some of these golfers have had over the years. Last year’s mudfest at the usually pristine Augusta National did have its share of extremely wet patrons caught having to deal with a course drenched by excessive rains, but at least everyone was affected by the adverse conditions.

Curiously and improbably, I had one of my most embarrassing moments ever in 1995 and all I did was attend the tournament on the final day that year.

1995 was the year an emotionally charged BEN CRENSHAW took the championship just one week after the death of his mentor and teacher HARVEY PINICK. Crenshaw shared the lead after 54 holes with a relatively unknown golfer from USC named BRIAN HENNINGER. Henninger, a walk-on who played himself into a scholarship at the Cali school, was playing in his first Masters which is always a tough task. Surprising everyone, he found himself in the enviable position of being dead even with Crenshaw going into the final round.

MARSHALL THOMAS, an old high school buddy of mine, had come in to a couple of badges for the last day that year and generously asked me if I wanted to go to the course. After making the usual jokes about the Pope and bears in the woods, I readily agreed. We met at the Augusta National and quickly proceeded to the main concession stand to grab a sandwich and drink. The day was beautiful, everyone was excited, so how in the hell could I mess this afternoon up as badly as I was about to do?

The concession area was jammed. No seats

B Y

E D

were available anywhere and we soon decided to head towards the clubhouse area to enjoy our lunch. Thankfully, some very nice folks saw our dilemma and invited us to join them at their picnic table. You always meet the greatest golf fans at the Masters and we graciously accepted their offer. We sat down and he and I began to discuss who this year’s winner might be with Marshall, an observer of over 35 tournaments through the years.

“This has to be Norman’s year” declared Marshall. “It’s his time to finally win here.”

“No,” I countered. “Norman can’t handle the pressure. DAVIS LOVE is the man this year.”

Marshall and I argued our positions until suddenly I made a comment that he’ll never allow me to forget for the rest of my life.

“You can forget Henninger,” I remarked.

“He’s never experienced a Masters Sunday before and, besides, Amen Corner will get him if the front nine doesn’t. He’ll be out of the running and probably won’t stay on the leaderboard for long.”

Remember the nice people who had moved closer together so we could have a place to enjoy our lunch? Immediately after my flippant comments about Henninger, a woman at the table snapped her head towards me so quickly that I thought she might get whiplash.

“What do you mean, he’s gonna lose?” she said as her face became redder than a underpar number on the Masters leaderboard. Gee, you would have thought that I had insulted a member of her family but, no, I had insulted them all. Each of them, at their table, during their lunch.

It really hurts when you put your foot in your mouth, especially when you consider that golf shoes do have spikes. Yes, sports fans, it was the entire Henninger family with whom I had unknowingly shared the table that day nine years ago and they had heard everything that I had said about their favorite golfer. I wanted to hide in the nearest divot, but of course those don’t exist very long at the Augusta National. I attempted to reassure them that they must be real proud of their son, but once the shot has been struck there’s no going back. I was busted.

Marshall and I quickly wolfed down our food and muttered awkward goodbyes. Mrs. Henninger didn’t actually wish me a nice day, but who could blame her? How would you feel if some total stranger totally slammed your son on the most important day of his professional career?

Unfortunately, Henninger quickly fell out of contention (those three-putts really add up, y’know), shooting a four- over par 76, tying for 10th place behind Crenshaw. He still plays on the PGA tour but has yet to match his ‘90s successes. Although Henninger hasn’t played at Augusta since 1996, I’ll gladly foot the bill for lunch if he ever qualifies again. He can even bring his entire family.

The egg salad and pimento cheese is on me.

T U R N E R

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T h i s i s a n A L L A G E S s h o w - A lc o h o l w i l l b e s o l d w i t h p r o p e r I . D .

METRO SPIRIT - APRIL 8, 2004

— T ICKET S AVAIL ABL E AT —

AFTER DARK

LAST CALL HOSTS STEWART & WIN FIELD APRIL 8.

Thursday, 8th

Friday, 9th

Adams Lounge – Elvis Impersonator Jason Sikes Aiken Brewing Co. – Black-Eyed Susan Andy’s – Jim Christopher, Rocket Morton Cafe Du Teau – Bernard Chambers Club Argos – Karaoke, Stephanie Ross Continuum – Playa*Listic Thursday Coyote’s – Mustang Sally Crossroads – Tony Williams Band D. Timm’s – The Section Finish Line Cafe – DJ Fox’s Lair – Roger Greene Streets – Karaoke Honky Tonk – DJ Dougie Joe’s Underground – John Kolbeck Last Call – Stewart and Winfield Locals – Preston and Weston Michael’s – Marilyn Adcock Modjeska – Katy Rose, Ben Jelen, Toby Lightman, Kimberly Locke Playground – Open Mic The Pourhouse – The Recaps featuring Sassy Brass Robbie’s Sports Bar – DJ Rusty Shannon’s – Bart Bell Soul Bar – Redbelly Band Stillwater Tap Room – New Direction Wheeler Tavern – DJ Flashback Buddy

Adams Lounge – Preston and Weston Aiken Brewing Co. – Salt Creek Andy’s – Roger Hurricane Wilson, Mike Garrard, David Cantonwine Back Roads – DJ Backyard Tavern – The Livingroom Legends Borders – Robert Foster Cafe Du Teau – Bernard Chambers Charlie O’s – Live Band Club Argos – The ‘80s Strike Back Coconuts – Bikini Contest Coliseum – Shakedown with Lauren Alexander, Diane Chanel Cotton Patch – John Kolbeck Coyote’s – The Rhes Reeves Band, Shelly Watkins Crossroads – Masters Massacre D. Timm’s – The Section El Rodeo – DJ Sontiago Finish Line Cafe – DJ Fox’s Lair – Roger Greene Streets – Karaoke The Helm – Preston and Weston Highlander – Local Ghost Honky Tonk – DJ Doug Romanella Joe’s Underground – Impulse Ride Last Call – Buffett Beach Party with A1A Little Honky Tonk – Heavy Dose Locals – Karaoke

Michael’s – Marilyn Adcock Modjeska – ‘80s Costume Party with McFly Ms. Carolyn’s – The Horizon Playground – Live Entertainment The Pourhouse – The Recaps featuring Sassy Brass Robbie’s Sports Bar – DJ Rusty The Shack – DJ Chip Shannon’s – Bart Bell, Allen Black Soul Bar – ‘80s Night Stillwater Tap Room – Black Bottom Biscuits Wheeler Tavern – DJ Flashback Buddy

Saturday, 10th Adams Lounge – Preston and Weston Aiken Brewing Co. – Redbelly Band Andy’s – Roger Hurricane Wilson Back Roads – DJ Borders – Rod Mackert Cafe Du Teau – Bernard Chambers Charlie O’s – Live Band Club Argos – Guest DJ, Dixie Divine and Co. Coconuts – DJ Tim Coliseum – Charity Cotton Patch – Red-Headed Stepchild Coyote’s – The Rhes Reeves Band, Shelly Watkins Crossroads – Masters Massacre D. Timm’s – The Section Finish Line Cafe – DJ, Karaoke

Fox’s Lair – Andy McCraw Greene Streets – Karaoke The Helm – Karaoke Contest Honky Tonk – DJ Doug Romanella Joe’s Underground – Keith “Fossill” Gregory Last Call – The Swingin’ Medallions Little Honky Tonk – Heavy Dose Metro Coffeehouse – Live Afternoon Bluegrass with Eryn Eubanks and the Family Fold Michael’s – Marilyn Adcock Modjeska – DJ Kenny Ray Partridge Inn – Sandy B. and the All-Stars Playground – Live Entertainment The Pourhouse – The Recaps featuring Sassy Brass Robbie’s Sports Bar – DJ Rusty The Shack – DJ Buckwheat Shannon’s – Karaoke with Downtown Rhonda Brown, Peggy Soul Bar – Roots-A-Fire Reggae Band Stillwater Tap Room – String Theory Wheeler Tavern – DJ Flashback Buddy

Sunday, 11th Adams Lounge – DJ Doug Cafe Du Teau – The Last Bohemian Quartet Cotton Patch – Tony Williams Band Orange Moon – Smooth Jazz Sunday with Emery Bennett Robbie’s Sports Bar – DJ Rusty

44

METRO SPIRIT - APRIL 8, 2004

continued on page 46

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METRO SPIRIT - APRIL 8, 2004

SUNDAY

continued from page 44

Stereolab – Variety Playhouse, Atlanta – April 22 Squarepusher – Echo Lounge, Atlanta – April 24 Jump, Little Children – Variety Playhouse, Atlanta – April 24 Blonde Redhead – Echo Lounge, Atlanta – April 26 Yes – Philips Arena, Atlanta – April 28 Tortoise – Variety Playhouse, Atlanta – April 28 Music Midtown Festival – Midtown Atlanta – April 30-May 2 Edie Brickell – Variety Playhouse, Atlanta – May 4 David Bowie, Stereophonics – Chastain Park Amphitheatre, Atlanta – May 8 Doc Watson – Variety Playhouse, Atlanta – May 21 Siouxsie Sioux – Variety Playhouse, Atlanta – June 1 Vans Warped Tour ’04 – HiFi Buys Amphitheatre, Atlanta – July 28

The Shack – Karaoke with DJ Joe Steel, Sasha Shannon’s – Shelly Watkins, Tony Howard Somewhere in Augusta – Jayson and Michael T.G.I. Friday’s – Pat Blachard and Friends

Monday, 12th Club Argos – Karaoke and Country Night Coliseum – Q.A.F. Continuum – Monday Madness Fox’s Lair – Open Mic, Karaoke Greene Streets – Karaoke Joe’s Underground – John Kolbeck Michael’s – Mike Swift

Tuesday, 13th Adams Lounge – Karaoke Coliseum – Tournament Tuesday D. Timm’s – The Section Fox’s Lair – Open Mic, Karaoke Greene Streets – Karaoke Joe’s Underground – John Kolbeck Metro Coffeehouse – Irish Night with Sibin Michael’s – Marilyn Adcock

Coconuts – Karaoke Coliseum – Wacky Wednesdays Continuum – Open Mic Jam Sessions Coyote’s – The Rhes Reeves Band Crossroads – Karaoke D. Timm’s – The Section Fox’s Lair – Open Mic, Karaoke Greene Streets – Karaoke Joe’s Underground – Ruskin Last Call – Swingin’ Medallions Michael’s – Marilyn Adcock Modjeska – Theology on Tap: Living in Plan A Playground – Karaoke

Robbie’s Sports Bar – DJ Rusty Shannon’s – Bart Bell Somewhere in Augusta – Keith “Fossill” Gregory Soul Bar – Live Jazz

The Drive-By Truckers, Stewart and Winfield – Imperial Theatre – May 29

Upcoming

The Darkness – Cotton Club, Atlanta – April 8 Aerosmith, Cheap Trick – Philips Arena, Atlanta – April 9 The Distillers – Cotton Club, Atlanta – April 10 The Liars – Echo Lounge, Atlanta – April 14 3 Rivers Music Festival – Congaree Vista, Columbia, S.C. – April 16-18 Josh Groban – Fox Theatre, Atlanta – April 20 Ben Kweller, Death Cab for Cutie – 40 Watt Club, Athens, Ga. – April 20; Variety Playhouse, Atlanta – April 21 Four Tet – MJQ, Atlanta – April 22

Third Day, Toby Mac – Augusta-Richmond County Civic Center – April 15 Shinedown – The Boathouse – April 15 The Twittering Machine – Soul Bar – April 24 Scott Holt – Andy’s – April 30 Honestly – Crossroads – May 7 DJ Baby Anne – Modjeska – May 14 Drivin’ N Cryin’ – Imperial Theatre – May 21

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46

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Elsewhere

Many tickets are available through TicketMaster outlets by calling 828-7700, or online at www.ticketmaster.com.

Tickets may also be available through Tix Online by calling 278-4TIX, online at www.tixonline.com or at their outlet location in Southgate Plaza. After Dark listings are subject to change without notice.

Deadline for inclusion in After Dark calendar is Tuesday at 4 p.m. Contact Rhonda Jones or Lisa Jordan by calling 738-1142, faxing 736-0443 or e-mailing to rhonda.jones@metrospirit.com or lisa.jordan@metrospirit.com.

New Happy Hour Times!

Wednesday, 14th

R AND

SOUL BA BAND APRIL 8 AT THE CATCH THE REDBELLY EWING CO. APRIL 10 AT AIKEN BR

Brezsny’s Free Will

said, “and firmness (‘agraha’) is a synonym for force. ‘Satyagraha’ is thus the force which is born of truth and love.” According to my reading of the astrological omens, Virgo, satyagraha should be your word of power in the coming weeks. Your uprising against the forces of darkness has got to do more than say “no.” A fierce, primal yes should be at the heart of your crusade.

Astr ology ARIES (March 21-April 19)

If forced to decide between having a bigger penis and living in a world where there was no war, 90 percent of men would pick universal peace. So says a poll conducted by “Glamour” magazine and MensHealth.com. I predict that fate will soon ask you, Aries, to choose between two possibilities that also seem to represent a showdown between selfaggrandizement and altruism. If you play your wild cards right, however, you may not have to pick one at the expense of the other. According to my reading of the astrological omens, you can have both.

TAURUS (April 20-May 20)

“We are attracted to people who express the qualities we deny or repress in ourselves,” says creativity expert Shakti Gawain. Using this idea as your hypothesis, Taurus, take an inventory of the people you’re most drawn to. Ask yourself whether they have talents and dreams that you secretly wish could come fully alive in you. If you find this to be the case, consider the possibility that it’s time to transform your secret wishes into definite plans.

GEMINI (May 21-June 20)

ACROSS Musically detached: Abbr.

Capital examiners, briefly Fairy tale brother Bleeper’s target See 32-Across Asian currency Psychic’s furniture?

Beast of burden Gets a move on Something big in front of the sofa?

Bowls Laugh sound Barrett formerly of Pink Floyd Madrid mousers With 15-Across, a noted London theater

LEO (July 23-Aug. 22)

Let’s do a check-in, Scorpio. What progress have you been making in your work on this year’s biggest opportunity? As I suggested last December, 2004 will be an excellent time to build the kind of network you’ve always wanted. New alliances will be yours for the asking. Existing collaborators will be extra receptive to deepening your connections. You’ll tend to get lucky whenever you try to interest people in helping you express your talents for the good of all.

If you’ve been lagging behind in cashing in on this trend, step up your efforts immediately. You now have the power to make up for lost time.

I never take drugs. If I were a Leo, however, I might travel to Britain this week and smoke some pot. (Possession of the stuff in small amounts is no longer illegal there.) If that’s impossible for you, find other ways to gently blow your mind. Go on a three-day meditation retreat, make love for six consecutive hours and read the poetry of Mary Oliver while swinging on a swing. Or make atonement to a person you once wronged, assume that everything you think you know is only halfright and give away money to someone in need. Or all of the above.

VIRGO (Aug. 23-Sept. 22)

The Indian activist Gandhi lead many peaceful rebellions against oppressive governments, first in South Africa and later in British-controlled India.

At first he called his strategy “passive resistance,” but later disavowed that term because it had negative implications. He ultimately chose the Sanskrit word satyagraha, meaning “love force” or “truth force.” “Truth (‘satya’) implies love,” he

34 Chiang

___-shek 35 Vamooses 36 Plus ___ (theme of this puzzle) 37 Big name in sneakers 38 Richmond-toVirginia Beach dir.

39 Breakfast item 40 “Left ___ own devices …”

41 Like a lobster 42 Ingredient of black bottom pie 43 One way to sort a list 44 Savings of a German opera star?

47 Disinclined 50 Auxiliaries 51 Two features of a hurried golf game?

NSWER TO PREVIOUS PUZZLE I T A L O E M I L

A G E S

S U L T A A N S T E R S A T Y O P S S R

P A L A V E R T E L E X E D

R A D I X R A N G E R

X I M M E C A R D E N I M O S T A R O N E P A L I N G K C O R S S T O A U R T N O O O D B R O O O P T

E T A S

E E L Y

A B I E

R A N T

A S Y L A

L E E D S

56 The least bit

57 Helen’s mother 58 180° turns,

slangily

1

2

3

61 See 47-Down

4

5

6

7

18

23

10

24

12

13

28

29

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1-900-950-7700

$1.99 per minute • 18 & over • touchtone phone required • C/S 612-373-9785 • www.freewillastrology.com

25 27 32

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35 38

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11

Expanded Weekly Horoscope

21

31

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9

You can call Rob Brezsny, day or night, for your

19

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— © Rob Brezsny

16

26

DOWN 1 Covering for a bald spot 2 ___ chi (martial art) 3 Off-road goer, for short 4 MexicanAmericans 5 Shinnies 6 Cartoonist’s drawing 7 White, informally 8 Sabbath msg.

9 Freezer locale 10 Buzz 11 ___ facto 12 Come across 13 1986 World Series champs 18 Grannies 19 Herr Schindler and others 22 Blade 23 Poker phrase 24 Checked for accuracy 25 One without manners 28 Top of the Alps?

29 Washington city

8

15

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PISCES (Feb. 19-March 20)

Piscean actress Mercedes Ruehl won the Golden Globe award for Best Supporting Actress for her role in the 1991 movie, “The Fisher King.” Taking the stage at the awards ceremony, she exclaimed, “I shall never waitress again, and you are my witnesses!” She was almost 43 years old at the time. I foresee a comparable breakthrough for you in the coming months, Pisces. It may not be quite as dramatic as Ruehl’s, but it will definitely free you forever from a task that has stifled or demeaned your spirit. And you can lay the groundwork for this victory now.

SAGITTARIUS (Nov. 22-Dec. 21)

April is Feedback Month. In the coming weeks, everyone from your best friend to the janitor at work may barrage you with hints of what they think about you. A few of the reports will be fairly accurate representations of you, while others may resemble the reflections you get from funhouse mirrors. If you just relax your ego muscles and watch the mad rush of images as you would a comic movie, however, the overall experience will be rejuvenating.

14

59 Virile

60 Helen’s land

SCORPIO (Oct. 23-Nov. 21)

AQUARIUS (Jan. 20-Feb. 18)

In my astrological opinion, you now have a sacred duty to cause “good trouble.” Please carry out at least two kinds of benevolent mischief from the following list. 1. Break taboos that serve no useful purpose. 2. Circumvent rules that are rotten or harmful. 3. Expose the manipulators who are trying to get everyone to buy into their delusions.

4. Trick people into rebelling against influences that are bad for them. 5. If you see friends or loved ones who are running on autopilot, give them lessons on how to wake up.

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Puzzle by Manny Nosowsky

30 Gas station

choice 32 Believer’s belief 33 Way in Québec 36 Some early 20th-century French artists 37 Matter of little importance 39 Irascible

40 Supercompeti-

tive 43 Down time 44 Dryly amusing 45 Having more reason 46 Friendly term of address 47 First resident of 61-Across

48 Ars longa, ___

brevis

THANK YOU For Supporting Our Advertisers

49 Hunter of fiction 52 PC key 53 “If only ___

listened …”

54 View finder?

55 Fig. in identity

theft

For answers, call 1-900-285-5656, $1.20 a minute; or, with a credit card, 1-800-814-5554.

Annual subscriptions are available for the best of Sunday crosswords from the last 50 years: 1-888-7-ACROSS. Online subscriptions: Today's puzzle and more than 2,000 past puzzles, nytimes.com/crosswords ($34.95 a year).

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47

N I D I

C G A A N D T O I E S S L E R I E E K A N E O C L O A I L N A L O N I N G E

LIBRA (Sept. 23-Oct. 22)

By 2005, you’ll be enrolled in a new School of Life, beginning a fresh course of study that will delight the innocent, open-hearted kid in you. But much of 2004 will be like taking a long final exam based on material you’ve studied forever. On some days the test questions may bore you into a stupor, while on other days they may electrify you into a state of red alert. Here’s a clue that could help you keep those extreme states to a minimum in the coming months, as well as ensure that you’ll ace the exam: Leave your normal routine and get away from it all as often as is practical. While you wander in the great unknown, you’re likely to attract the exact experiences you’ll need to solve the toughest riddles.

METRO SPIRIT - APRIL 8, 2004

New York Times Crossword Puzzle

Seeing as how you’re at the peak of your popularity and in the harvest phase of your yearly cycle, why not suggest to your friends that they organize a celebration in your honor? A parade could launch the festivities, with you riding in a red Cadillac convertible followed by floats depicting the turning points in your life. When you arrive at the banquet hall, you’ll be carried on a litter to a throne. You’ll eat a gourmet dinner featuring your favorite food while a series of allies comes to the microphone to describe what they like most about you. To conclude the party, a band will play a set of songs written especially for you.

These are merely suggestions, Gemini. You may have different ideas about how you’d like to be glorified. Just make sure you communicate them clearly to the proper people.

CANCER (June 21-July 22)

I’m a direct descendant of Genghis Khan (11621227), the Mongol leader who controlled an empire stretching from Hungary to Korea. The funny thing is, you might be one of his progeny, too. Geneticists have determined that there are millions of us worldwide, owing to our forefather’s prolific sowing of wild oats over an extensive area.

Of course it’s natural if we have mixed feelings about him: He and his troops did all the nasty things a conquering army usually does. But he was also a good manager who codified laws, advanced religious freedom and promoted ethnic diversity.

Even if Khan isn’t officially your ancestor, Cancerian, you’re now primed to imitate his more enlightened side. As you expand your territory and authority, fantasize about the ways your new clout will allow you to give greater gifts.

CAPRICORN (Dec. 22-Jan. 19)

“Free will is there for the taking, like wild blueberries,” writes poet Ellen Doré Watson, “— a trifle more sour than we remember.” In other words, Capricorn, your mouth might pucker and your eyes may squint when you first sample the ripe crop of free will that you’ll come upon this week. But once you’ve experienced the sensation for a while, it’ll start tasting sweeter. By this time next week, you’ll be amazed at how delicious it is.

News of the

The Advice Goddess

Weird

L

ouis Paul Kadlecek, 21, who had never even been in an airplane before, broke into a hangar at an airport near Lake Jackson, Texas, on Feb. 29, and, using trial-and-error, got a Cessna 172 airborne for about a mile, intending to fly to Mexico, before slamming into power lines. Although the crash left the plane a total loss, Kadlecek climbed out and walked home, but sheriff’s deputies, based on witnesses’ descriptions, arrested him the next day. One Brazoria County aviation official estimated that stunt pilots might survive an incident like that one time in 1,000. Said another, “This guy used up all the luck he’s ever going to have.”

People Different From Us From a March Boston Globe interview with Morgan Lee, newly crowned Miss Gothic Massachusetts: (asked how she would describe Goth) “It’s really a style and a way of thinking.

Basically, you’re miserable all the time. (W)e just see the darker side that other people tend to ignore. The most interesting people are always the saddest.” (Asked what her boyfriend thinks of her): “He’s very proud of me. (H)e’s not a very descript person, kind of like an amoeba, but very cultured.”

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METRO SPIRIT - APRIL 8, 2004

Our Litigious Society • In February, freelance photographer Robert Levin filed a $50 million lawsuit against the Waste Management company for the injuries (including brain damage) he suffered while trying to take photographs at New York City’s Ground Zero in December 2001. Levin had surreptitiously climbed atop one of the company’s garbage trucks to get a better vantage point when the driver pulled away, causing Levin to fall, which Levin now says showed Waste Management’s “failure to respect (my) rights as a pedestrian.”

• British postal worker Alan Pugh filed a lawsuit in Birmingham County Court (England) in December against a Wolverhampton University religious studies teacher who he said had put too much outgoing mail in a letter box, causing Pugh to injure himself trying to haul it away. The lecturer had mailed 270 oversized envelopes, totaling around 50 pounds.

• According to the New York State Police, Stephen Pappadake, 17, was speeding (80 mph in a 30 mph zone) and passing multiple cars illegally on the morning of April 29, 2003, and he eventually lost control of his car, crashed and died. In January 2004, Pappadake’s parents filed a lawsuit against the last driver that Stephen was illegally passing, who they said had veered to the left, causing Stephen to leave the road and crash. The lawsuit made no reference to the police’s conclusions.

• On the morning of July 7, 2001, a vandal tossed detergent into the fountain in Canal Park in Duluth, Minn., producing a massive, continuing mountain of bubbles. About four hours later, Kathy J. Kelly, walking by the still-foamy mound, failed to steer clear enough, fell on the soap-slippery sidewalk and suffered several

Amy Alkon

injuries including, eventually, gangrene. She sued the city for not having cleaned the fountain or roped off the area. In March 2004, a jury ruled in her favor, finding that 30 percent of the fault was hers for getting too close but that 70 percent was the city’s. (Jurors were not allowed to assess the fault of the original vandal.)

Least Competent Criminals Sandy L. Warren, 43, was arrested in March and charged with stealing an eight-ton cherrypicker from a construction equipment dealership in Redmond, Wash.; a dealership employee had spotted the cherry-picker parked in Warren’s front yard in Redmond with a for-sale sign on it (“$28,990 OBO”).

Recurring Themes “Repressed memory” was a popular psychiatric diagnosis in the 1980s, with well-credentialed doctors convincing patients that the cause of their unhappiness was a history of sordid sexual episodes that they had buried deep in their subconscious. Three doctors persuaded Chicagoarea resident Elizabeth Gale that she had been the victim of a satanic cult that had used her to breed children just for sex and pornography, and she acceded to now-widely discredited treatment (druggings, tie-downs, hypnosis, a tubal ligation and 18 hospitalizations covering 2,016 days during her 12-year ordeal). In February, Gale settled a lawsuit against the doctors and two hospitals for $7.5 million. One of the doctors, Bennett Braun, lost a similar case in 1997 for $10.6 million.

Undignified Deaths An 18-year-old man drowned near Eudora, Ark., in December, when he accidentally fell into a pit of water while attempting to drown his pit bull (which he thought was too old and docile), and the man’s father also drowned when he jumped in to save his son. (The dog survived.)

And when a construction trench collapsed in New York City in December, a worker was buried up to his neck, and emergency crews were summoned, but before they could arrive, a coworker manning a backhoe tried to dig him out, but accidentally decapitated him.

Also, in the Last Month A woman with a near-record short name, Ms. Li Uv, 80, passed away in Providence, R.I., survived by her daughter, Ms. Ep Te. And scientists from all over the world headed for the village of Mohammad Pur Umri, India, following news that one of every 10 births there in recent years resulted in twins (vs. the worldwide probability of 1 in 300). And a 35year-old motorist (stunned by the Madrid bombings) pleaded guilty to trying to run down a pedestrian who resembled Osama bin Laden (who dodged the car, leaving it to crash into a tree) (Montpellier, France).

— Chuck Shepherd © United Press Syndicate

L

ast week, after running into a girl I used to date, I called her. I said it was good seeing her again, and we should get together soon. She said “definitely.” Yesterday, I called again and left the message, “Do me a favor and let me know if you want to have lunch this Friday.” I probably shouldn’t have said “do me a favor” to a woman I’m interested in, but is it a big deal?

— Comeback Kid Women fantasize about being swept off their feet, not being surveyed from a safe distance by a man who’s had his testosterone siphoned out and replaced with pure essence of potted petunia. That’s why there’s a certain kind of man who gets all the dates — one who asks women out. You did that. Sort of. Kind of. Ish. Here’s where you went wrong: Error #1: Women want to go out on actual dates, not sit around contemplating the prospect. You tell her, “We should get together soon!” She’s thinking, “Yes, and we should also have world peace. How about you just ask me the hell out?!”

Error #2: Women want to be asked out by men, not by voicemail. Why not just send her fax spam? Maybe offer her a bonus penny stock pick with every date?

Error #3: “Do me a favor.” No, do yourself a favor, and refrain from groveling for a date. And sure, outsourcing is all the rage in the corporate world, but expecting a woman to pitch in during the chase phase will not win you points — or dates. You’re the man; you do the work. Is this fair? Of course not. You can either sit home and have a good cry about it, or let your fingers do the walking.

Error #4: Lunch. Forget plotting a wild, Bordeaux-fueled alleyway makeout session after a late dinner at some candle-lit French bistro.

There’s no time like high noon on a work day to grab a few stolen handshakes — after slipping out into the cloak of glaring sunlight following lunch at the Olive Garden.

So far, you’ve forgotten only one thing: to apologize for being interested in her.

Apparently, the Victim-Feminist Industrial Complex somehow failed to wring you like an old washrag until all residue of man was gone.

Although equal pay for equal work is a wonderful thing, the insistence that men and women are the same is simply silly. Yet, humans are now the only mammal mating

while deliberately ignoring the biological realities of existence: It’s the alpha dog who gets the girl, not the guy who responds to the femi-ninny complaint “men just want sex!” by hanging his head in shame and insisting, “Oh, no ... we just want to sit around and read you communist poetry.”

As loudly as the anti-leg-waxing cabal squawks that femininity is merely the product of some nefarious patriarchal conspiracy, several studies published by a team of Swedish researchers show otherwise. They found that toddlers as young as one year old show sexbased preferences for toys, apparently corresponding to the presence or lack of male hormones. Regardless of femininity’s origins, women who refuse to melt down their lipsticks, saw off their high heels and run around dressed like farm laborers are not diminishing themselves. So what if they want to play the role of woman? Yes, it’s a role. And there’s play involved — which is what makes it fun. This doesn’t mean the woman playing it is some Little Miss Pushover. Actually, it’s the powerful, happy women who are most comfortable getting girly. They rule the world all day at the office; the last thing they want is to come home and be the one on the ladder wielding the socket wrench.

That said, you don’t need a doctorate in carpentry, just a take charge (as opposed to take cover) approach to women. For role models, study Bogie, Gable and King Kong — probably the most self-assured suitor in all of cinema. Everything about you, from your body language, to how you speak, to what you say, should telegraph “I’m a man,” not “I’m a houseplant with a peculiar need to shave.” Assume women you’re interested in are interested in you until proven otherwise. If you’re rejected, don’t take it as an assessment of your worth as a human being; it’s merely an indication that it’s time to ask another woman out. Finally, remember that women are drawn to confidence, which is why they flock to you when you have a girlfriend, but step over you when you’re sitting on the corner with the cardboard sign, “Spare a date for a loser?” This isn’t what you’ll hear from girls who claim that “a woman needs a man like a fish needs a bicycle.” Then again, the rest of us need that kind of thinking like a hammer needs a spinach salad.

— © 2004, Amy Alkon

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To respond to ads using a AQUARIUS SEEKING SWF, 46, 5’6”, smoker, enjoys cuddling, movies, gardening. Seeking honest, handsome SWM, 40-50, with similar interests, with similar interests, for friendship, possible LTR. !759515 YOU KNOW WHAT TO DO SBF, 39, Leo, N/S, seeks BM, 38-45, downto-earth, very direct and straightforward, to have fun with. !582549

We Purchase Fine Swiss Watches, Estate Jewelry and Diamonds.

Monday-Saturday 10am-9pm 2635 Washington Road | Augusta, Georgia 30904 | 706.738.7777 www.windsorjewelers.net GIVE ME A TRY SBM, 25, 5’3”, with a muscular build, seeks a woman for a relationship based on friendship, trust and fun. !993092 SEND ME AN ANGEL SWM, 39, 5’10”, 150lbs, mustache, goatee, shaved head, into hard rock, heavy metal.

Seeking compatible, cool SF, 32-55, friends first, possibly more. !984481

BY MY SIDE SWM, 51, 6’, self-employed, looking for friendship. I like movies, long drives, good times. You: SWF, 35-55, same interests, companionship first. !986387 ENJOY MY TIME SBM, 46, 5’8”, 190lbs, looking for SB/WF, 25-50, N/S, likes watching tv, going to the movies, cooking. Friendship and romantic times first, maybe more. !945941 SPICE IT UP SWM, 31, with blue-green eyes, and a goatee, loves spicy foods, and is in search of a woman for outdoor fun. !992800 GIVE ME A CALL SWM, 43, 5’10”, 155lbs, enjoys cooking, movies, the outdoors, romance, laughter, good conversation, good company and more. Seeking outgoing, interesting, sincere SWF, 24-35, for friendship, maybe more. !989836 KINDRED SPIRITS SBM, 54, 5’7”, average build, local truck driver, Taurus, marriage-minded, smoker, seeks BF, 42-60, a kind soul. !928892 FRIENDS OR...

SWM, 36, 165lbs, athletic type, likes watching movies, some evenings out, dining, dancing. Seeking SW/HF, 20-45, slim to average build, same mindset, for possible LTR. !943034

HANDY MAN Medium-built, tolerant, clean, financially secure DWM, 48, 5’10”, Aquarius, smoker, with a good sense of humor, enjoys cooking, house work, gardening, reading, music, cuddling. Seeking woman, 35-55, for long-term relationship. !607612 TAKE A CHANCE SM, 39, 6’, 240lbs, laid-back, artistic, loves life and trying new things. Seeking SF for fun times, friendship, casual dates and maybe more. !976288 ARE YOU OUT THERE? SWM, 56, 135lbs, athletic build, employed, likes movies, quiet conversations, gospel music, C&W, snuggling and good company.

Seeking SF, slim-average build, to share a lasting loving relationship. !979620 EYES STILL BLUE 6’, 190lbs, brown/blue, handsome, chef, pianist, will send photo. Seeks pretty female companion, 26-39, no kids, light smoker/drinker okay, for traveling, dating, possible LTR. !882215 SEEKING SOMEONE SPECIAL SBM, 61, Virgo, smoker, likes reading, movies, dining out, travel. Seeking outgoing, caring woman, 18-55, with similar interests, for LTR. !850674 NASCAR FAN SWM, 39, 5’11”, brown/hazel, average build, Libra, smoker, seeks an old-fashioned WF, 21-45, for LTR. !932866 VELVET TEDDY BEAR SBM, 37, Sagittarius, N/S, in construction field, seeks an intelligent, attractive woman, 23-45, with healthy full figure, loving, caring, affectionate. !936899

ARE WE A GOOD MATCH? SWM, 37, brown/blue, Leo, smoker, enjoys outdoor sports, Nascar. Seeks caring woman, 25-50, who wants to be treated like a queen. !891638 HOW DO I SOUND TO YOU? Handsome, financially secure SWM, 54, enjoys the outdoors, long walks, swimming, dining out, biking and much more. Seeking intelligent, caring, trustworthy SW/AF, 3855, for friendship, maybe more. !960841 I GIVE GOOD LOVE SM, 28, 5’5”, N/S, Virgo, enjoys sports, bowling, movies, going out, quiet times.

Seeking a single lady, 26-34, same interests, for dating, possibly more. !957932 NEW TO AREA SBM, 41, 6’3”, 205lbs, brown eyes, handsome, Libra, N/S, ISO honest, sincere, fullfigured woman, 20-60, race unimportant. !928684 JUST LET ME KNOW SWM, 27, 5’10”, 165lbs, enjoys dining out, movies, music, conversation, traveling, romance, laughter and more. Seeking outgoing, intelligent, humorous SW/BF, 18-30, for companionship. !956434 PRINCE SBM, 27, 5’11”, 165lbs, enjoys music, travel, reading, dining. Seeking a woman who is outgoing, attractive, with similar interests for possible LTR. !954917 I LOVE MY DOG... but I can’t take her to the movies. Puerto Rican SHM, 22, 5’9”, long curly (sometimes braided) hair, smoker, works in collections.

Seeking BF, 18-40, for friendship, possible romance. !914936

YOU HAVE 6 NEW MATCHES

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M B D F H C LTR

Male Black Divorced Female Hispanic Christian Long-term Relationship

G W A S J P N/D N/S

Gay White Asian Single Jewish Professional Non-Drinker Non-smoker

49

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METRO SPIRIT - APRIL 8, 2004

SEARCHING FOR MR RIGHT SBPF, 39, Libra, loves church, traveling, movies, and dining out. Seeking SBPM, 3760, for possible LTR. !421273 LOOKING FOR YOU SWF, 37, 5’6”, Scorpio, N/S, enjoys mountains, bowling, the beach and music.

Seeking WM, 35-48, N/S, to be a companion, friend. !456544 NASCAR/ETC MAMMA DWF, young 59, 5’4”, smoker, enjoys all racing, the outdoors, reading, beaches, mountains, motorcycles, fishing, sports and more. Seeking SWM, 54-65, with similar interests, for companionship. !989288 COMPANIONSHIP DWF, 50, interested in gardening, antiques and traveling. Churchgoer. Seeking DWM, 48-58, for loving, tender relationship. !732056 MAYBE YOU’RE THE ONE? DWF, 52, 5’4”, brown/green, 170lbs, retired, secure, homeowner, loves sailing, cooking, gardening, shooting pool. Seeking considerate, pleasant SM who likes the same, for companionship and possible LTR. !980275 THE BOMB SWF, 18, with a full figure, seeks a male, 18-25, who enjoys movies, dinner, for friendship and possibly more with time. !955355 BE MY TEDDY BEAR SWF, 32, 5’3’’, 180lbs, auburn/blue, no kids, never married, enjoys movies, sports, travel, dining, bowling, cuddling, quiet evenings. Seeking honest, romantic SBM, similar interests, for dating, possible LTR. !894568 FRIEND IN FAITH SBF, 47, Capricorn, N/S, involved with church, very creative, artistic, designs tile and cards. Seeking BCM, 44-58, involved with church, who loves the Lord. !707742 SEEKING HONESTY SBF, 37, full-figured enjoys dining out, movies, reading, music, laughter, parks, and much more. Seeking similar SB/WF, 32-50, for friendship, maybe more. !964698 COULD THIS BE YOU? SBF, 45, 5’4”, full-figured, Taurus, N/S, enjoys church, dining out, reading, and quiet times at home. ISO BM, 45-65, N/S, for LTR. !810309 WHOLE LOTTA LOVE SBF, 33, would like to share movies, dinners, quiet evenings at home, the usual dating activities, with a great guy. !463610 OLD-FASHIONED LADY SWCF, 48, 5’3”, 150lbs, blonde/green, Scorpio, N/S, enjoys church, Bible studies, music, dining out. Seeking SWCM, 35-60, N/S, for friendship and more. !840939 ENDANGERED SPECIES SBF, 57, average build, independent, likes the good things life has to offer, fun to be with. Seeking SBM, 55-68, independent, honest and caring. !927805 CLOSER TO FINE SBF, 58, retired school teacher, N/S, enjoys traveling and tv. Seeking BM, 50-65, educated (high school at least, please), who enjoys having good clean fun. !909981

ISO CHRISTIAN VALENTINE SWCF, 61, outgoing, Libra, N/S, seeks SWCM, 59-65, with whom to share Christ, friendship, and laughter. Must be family-oriented, kind, outgoing, emotionally/financially secure. Let’s give our friendship a try. !911830 TALL BROWN SUGAR SBF, 25, 5’9”, N/S, enjoys movies, concerts, quiet times, and good music. Seeking WM, 23-30, N/S, no children. !906840 WANNA DANCE? SWF, 57, seeks dance partner for Salsa and Square Dancing! Any size, shape, big or tall, short or small, matters not! It’s the footwork that counts! Beginner-intermediate level. !898986 I WANT TO LOVE YOU SBF, 18, 5’2”, Cancer, enjoys writing poetry, walks on the beach, hanging out and enjoying life. Seeking BM, 18-24, who will treat her right, and expects the same in return. !880193 WAITING FOR YOU SB mom, 24, Virgo, seeks a man for days at the park, the mall, or at the movies, and spending time with family and friends. !883496 HIKER HEAVEN SWF, 45, full-figured, N/S, enjoys church, exploring, old movies, auctions, and gym.

Seeking WM, 46-56, N/S. Let’s make tracks together. !807679 ALL YOU NEED IS LOVE Honest SWF, 28, 5’10”, 210lbs, blonde/blue, enjoys classic rock, horror movies, and quiet nights at home. Seeking SW/HM, 18-40, for friendship, possible LTR. !874789 LOVE OF LIFE Attractive, classy, vivacious SWCF, 50ish, N/S, N/D, seeks SWCM, N/S, N/D, who is honest, financially/mentally secure, and ready for commitment. !875741 SIMPLE KIND OF LIFE SWF, 34, listens to country and oldies music, and wants to meet a man to cuddle up on the couch and watch a good movie, or enjoy other simple pleasures. !860787 JAZZY MISS Slender and attractive SBPF, 31, loves music, conversation, travel. Seeking kind, friendly, honest and family-oriented SBM, 30-38, for fun times. !865339 LOOKING FOR ME Female, 34, Leo, smoker, seeks man, 2538, for romance, real friendship, with similar interests, possibly more later on. !844726 DREAM GUY SBF, 29, searching for open-minded, outgoing SM, 22-38, military man A+, for friendship, fun nights out, dancing, talks and maybe more. !836990 SOMEONE TO LOVE SWF, 48, enjoys a good horror movie, a drama or a comedy. Seeking a man for romance, quiet times at home, or just dancing the night away! !832399 ADVENTUROUS MOM SBF, 29, Cancer, N/S, loves beaches, horror movies, and horseback riding. Seeking man, 25-40, N/S, strong-minded, who loves kids. !808682 A VERY SERIOUS WOMAN SBPF, 34, mother of 3, nurse, independent and secure, enjoys church, movies, dining. looking for commitment-minded, levelheaded, spiritual, spontaneous, respectful man, who truly appreciates a good woman.

Sound like you? !777612

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TIME AFTER TIME SM, 38, is an easygoing guy looking for another guy to spend time with, and share a good friendship. !993392 DOGGONE LOVEABLE SWM, 37, Gemini, smoker, nature and animal lover (especially puppies), seeks outgoing, down-to-earth man, 20-70, for friendship. !909184 FUN-FILLED DAYS AWAIT SBM, 24, enjoys taking trips, nice restaurants, fun evenings, dancing, quality time together. Seeking masculine SBM, 20-55, for possible relationship. !894435 HEALTHY AND FIT SBM, 25, 5’5”, 170lbs, masculine, nighttime inventory stocker, Capricorn, N/S, enjoys working out. Seeking energetic, passionate, masculine WM, 20-50, N/S. !708544 RELAXING AT HOME SBM, 35, Virgo, N/S, likes relaxing at home, fun, concerts, trips going to the beach. Seeks fun, spontaneous SBM, 26-37, N/S. !532700 IS IT YOU? Simple, easygoing SM, 47, enjoys bowling, music, cooking, more. Seeking outgoing lady for good times, talks, friendship and possible LTR. !975288 EASY TO TALK TO SWM, 48, loves good Italian or French cuisine, and is looking for a man who is easy to get along with, for romance. !870126 GLOVERVILLE GUY GWM, Capricorn, N/S, loves bars, karaoke, cooking out, and pool. Seeking GWM, 2849, smoker, to cuddle up with. !936256 LET’S SADDLE UP SWM, 27, 5’8”, brown/brown, Virgo, smoker, loves horses, camping (with or without the horses), and traveling. Seeking man, 25-40, who can ride, ride, ride. !921725 LOOKING FOR COOL CAT... to converse with. SBM, 34, Capricorn, N/S, game and drama-free, seeks BM, 26-48, serious-minded, with sense of direction in life. !889038 LET’S GET TOGETHER GWPM, 37, 5’9”, brown/brown, who enjoys reading, movies, politics, entertainment, seeks a guy for dating, possibly growing into more. !883365 I WANT TO MEET YOU! GBM, 32, 5’7”, average build, Pisces, N/S, likes reading, movies, dining out, travel, sports. Seeking outgoing, caring GWM, 2445, with similar interests, for friendship, possible LTR. !850885 SEEKS MAN WITH DIRECTION GBM, 33, Capricorn, N/S, seeks understanding, level-headed, secure GBM, 2548, with similar interests, for friendship, possible LTR. !854633 INTERESTED? Independent SWM, 37, 5’8”, 150lbs, brown/brown, would like to meet fun-loving, honest, real, professional, secure female to share dates, talks, walks, dinners and romance. !848764 SEEKING SPECIAL GENTLEMAN SBM, 33, 6’2”, 245lbs, Taurus, N/S, likes movies, camping, music, reading, sports.

Seeking out GM, 35-48, for friendship, possible romance. !824261 GREAT PERSONALITY SBM, 18, 6’3”, 220lbs, masculine build, seeking SBM, 18-29, very masculine, energetic, fun-loving, to go out for dinners, walks and more. !627150

50

METRO SPIRIT - APRIL 8, 2004

How do you

ACTIVE SBM SBM, 49, Pisces, N/S, enjoys bowling, movies, playing sports, seeks compatible BM, 30-46, N/S, with similar interests. !846543 TAKE A CHANCE GWM, 43, 6’2”, 195lbs, black brown, seeks other GWM, for fun times and maybe something more. !493530 LET’S MEET FOR COFFEE Good-looking GWM, 36, 6’, 200lbs, muscular, tan, enjoys working out, yard work, spending time with my dogs. Looking for attractive SM, 32-48, for dating, maybe leading to LTR. !436231 ME IN A NUTSHELL WM, 18, brown/blue, medium build, looking for fun, outgoing, energetic guy, 18-30, for movies, hanging out, quiet evenings at home, and more. Friends first, maybe becoming serious. !425471

INTERESTED? SBF, 35, loves reading (Stephen King and Anne Rice), listening to alternative music, as well as jazz. Seeking a woman with similar tastes. !990549 GOOD COMPANY SBF, 27, wants to meet a friend for hanging out, shopping, having fun and enjoying good company. !990953 © 2004 TPI GROUP

SEEKING ADVENTURE SWPM, 44, 6’2”, slender, Sagittarius, smoker, loves to travel. Seeking woman, 18-30, slender or average-sized. !910584 NO MORE GAMES SWM, 34, 6’4”, 190lbs, is in great shape, and is looking for a woman who keeps herself healthy and believes in honesty. !955377 ME AND MISS LADY SBM, 38, 6’1”, professional cook, likes sports, looking for a lady, 28-42, likes quiet times, walks in the park, family, fun. Does this sound like you? !951742 WHAT A CATCH Slim SBM, 22, 5’10”, green eyes, looking for a laid-back, cool girl, 18-29, very attractive, open mind. Let’s talk. !952108 MUCH TO OFFER SHM, 58, 5’10”, 185lbs, salt-n-pepper hair, retired, Virgo, N/S, loves trailer camping, mountains, beaches. Seeking WF, 48-62, N/S, retired a+. !937107 LOVEABLE TEDDY BEAR SBM, 38, 6’2”, Cancer, smoker, loves sports, dinner, dancing, movies. Seeking woman, 20-45, smoker, to kick up her heels with me. !938554 LOVES TO MAKE YOU LAUGH SBM, 37, 5’8”, slim build, Aquarius, smoker, disc jockey and pest control technician, seeks woman, 25-41, just as a friend. !939056 LET ME LOVE YOU SWM, 37, 6’, 200lbs, Cancer, N/S, in construction work, loves camping. Looking to meet a nice WF, 40-60, with whom to share what lovers do. !908620 A LITTLE TLC DWM, 49, 5’11”, 195lbs, homeowner, financially secure, enjoys cooking, home life, motorcycle riding. Looking for attractive WF, 35-50, with similar interests. !938440 TO THE POINT SBM, 20, 5’11”, Libra, smoker, loves hanging out with friends, listening to music. Seeking real woman, 20s, free of games. !924941 CULTURED SWM, 31, 5’6”, athletic build, Cancer, N/S, would like to meet an athletic, energetic woman, 21-55, N/S. !926395 YOU NEVER KNOW... where this could lead. SBM, 24, Pisces, smoker, seeks BF, 20-30, for friendship, perhaps casual dating. !926708 PLEASE, PLEASE ME SWM, 32, N/S, N/D, is looking for a woman, 27-35, with a petite build, to share good times, conversations, maybe more. !871092 LET’S TALK! SBM, 19, 6’, 145lbs, looking for a female, 18-29, who is down-to-earth, knows how to have fun! !900587 TENDER, LOVING CARE SWM, 40, enjoys sports, hanging out and just having fun. Seeking a lady who needs more romance in her life. !895728 GIVE ME A CALL SWM, 40, 5’8”, 185lbs, salt-n-pepper/green, N/S, enjoys fishing, horseback riding, stargazing, martial arts, reading, quiet times home. Seeking that special woman to share life, laughs and maybe love. !834688 WELL-ROUNDED MAN Educated SBPM, 41, 5’11”, loves reading, working out, the arts, dining out, travel, quiet times. Would like to meet SWF, 30-45, with similar interests, for fun, friendship, and maybe more. !442021 FUN TO HANG AROUND WITH GWM, 52, 5’2”, smoker, enjoys playing pool, having fun, seeks outgoing GWM, 4055, smoker, with similar interests. !844895 LOOKING FOR MS. RIGHT SWM, 37, 5’9”, 180lbs, enjoys biking, sports, travel, dining out. Seeking outgoing, attractive SF, with similar interests, for friendship, possible LTR. !557954

,call 1-866-832-4685

1 YOU’VE BEEN LOOKING FOR BiWF, 27, enjoys everything, promises you won’t regret it. If you’re looking for a good time and friendship, I’ll be perfect for you. !830500 LOVES CHILDREN Easygoing, nice SF, 32, looking for someone with the same qualities, 29-39, and a people person. !388943 WHY NOT CALL? SBF, 41, seeks goal-oriented, caring SBF with children ok, for friendship, dating and possible relationship. !976521 SOMETHING SPECIAL DWF, 45, 5’8”, 145lbs, two kids at home, loves heavy metal music. Seeking SWF, 30-50, likes being around kids, for possible LTR. !945525 WHY WAIT? SWF, 38, 5’6”,140lbs, short brown hair, easygoing, enjoys playing golf, the beach.

Seeking feminine female, 20-40, to have fun times and more. !448489 JUST THE FACTS SBPF, 41, Libra, N/S, seeks PF, age and race unimportant, who enjoys dining out, quiet times at home, and movies, for LTR. !730225 AFRICAN-AMERICAN STUD Open-minded, spontaneous, laid-back SBF, 23, Pisces, N/S, loves R&B and oldschool music. Seeking feminine woman, 25-50, race not important, who loves to have fun. !919677 READY TO HAVE FUN! SF, 25, seeks femme, 25-35, race not important, who is nice, pretty, slim. Let’s talk and get to know one another! !895256

WAITING FOR YOU SBF, 19, is in search of a friend first, maybe more with time, with a lady who likes to get out and have fun. !874312 ONLY A WOMAN WILL KNOW GBF, Capricorn, N/S, likes reading, movies, dining out, travel, sports. Seeking outgoing, caring GWF, 27-52, N/S, with similar interests, for dating and more. !850614 THE SWEETEST THING SBF, 26, 5’8”, 145lbs, wants to get out and have fun with a new friend, maybe more with time. !832018 PLAYS GUITAR, WRITES... poetry, and rollerblades. Native-American/ African-American female, 18, 5’5”, 117lbs, very toned, laid-back, a goofball at times, N/S, seeks woman, 18-29. !818596 BONEVILLE BABE SWF, 31, 5’5”, 130lbs, brown/green, smoker, enjoys playing golf, movies, and picnics at the lake. Seeking WF, 25-40, for friends, possibly more. !818908 DIVA WITH DIMPLES Independent DWF, 23, Gemini, smoker, enjoys hip-hop, R&B, and country music.

Seeking WF, 20-30, smoker, for friendship, possible romance. !808179 GET TO KNOW ME SBF, 25, Taurus, N/S, enjoys movies, travel.

Seeking woman, 21-30, N/S, for friendship, possible romance. !803723 A LOT TO OFFER Non-smoking GBF, 37, N/S, seeks very attractive, unique, romantic, fun, intelligent, feminine GF, 27-37, for friendship, dating, possibly more. !749660

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Classifieds Alt. Lifestyles

THE COLISEUM

Premier Entertainment Complex & High Energy Dance Music

Friday, April 9th SHAKEDOWN

FRI & SAT Hip Hop and Pop Music with $1.00 Well Drinks Lauren Alexander and Diane Chanel $1.00 Domestic From 9 pm - 11 pm

Saturday, April 10th Charity

Open Mon-Fri 8pm-3am Sat 8pm-2:30am

Aiken’s Ultimate Dance Club !

706-733-2603

Email: ColiseumAugusta@aol.com

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$1.00 D ra Every N ft ight All Nigh t

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Do you need to Forgive Someone?

Perhaps you should try

RADICAL Forgiveness

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FRI -L-10 and Shirley u Jest w/ DJ Mark SAT - New Talent w/ DJ Clint

Let go of the past and create a new Positive Future.

An Easy, Step-by-Step Process that really works!

Steven D. Kaplan Radical Forgiveness Coach Positive Image Awareness Center, Inc. 116 Shaw Street, Martinez, GA. 30907

(706 210-4849 www.RadicalForgiveness.com

SUN- Taylor w/ DJ Mark 141 Marlboro Street, N.E. Aiken S.C. • 803-644-6485

POSITIVE IMAGE AWARENESS CENTER, INC

DOORS OPEN AT 9:00 • 18 to Party • 21 to Drink

>> No Cover With This Ad <<

INTERNATIONALLY KNOWN SPIRITUAL COUNSELOR DARLEN-DE IS NOW OFFERING SPIRITUAL COUNSELING AND HYPNOSIS AT OUR NEW ADDRESS:

116 SHAW STREET MARTINEZ, GA 30907 TheAwarenessCtr@aol.com www.spiritualwarriors.net

706-210-4849 Music

READINGS BY

C A R D

General Help Wanted 59 People needed to lose weight!

All natural, doctor recommended 100% Guaranteed Call for free sample, 706-284-7650 (04/08#8368)

www.metrospirit.com Employment Rosedale Transport Needs OTR Drivers, both team and solo.

If you have one year experience, CDL Class A with haz-mat, good driving record. Home weekly, 1-800-486-3681 (04/08#8407)

Announcements

AFFORDABLE • CONVENIENT Tan At Home Payments From $29/month FREE Color Catalog Call Today 1-800-781-5173 (04/01#8373)

This could be your chance to join the nation’s leading provider of comprehensive waste management services as a Driver in Augusta.

Class A or B CDL with airbrake endorsements 40-55 Hours / Week Great Pay & Benefits Hiring NOW To set up your interview, call 877-220-5627 ext., AMS-SCBDT Or apply online at: www.wmcareers.com EOE M/F/D/V

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Open from 9 a.m. til 9 p.m.

Call (706) 733-5851

Full Body Massage!

Therapeutic tension relief, intense or tender touch, relaxing music, aromatherapy, by appointment only - $49.00/hr.

Call Joy - 706-771-9470 or John - 803-361-8811 (04/08#8408) Professional Massage Therapist Serving the Augusta Boxing Club for 6 years at ring side.

Golfers and boxers welcome.

706-592-9450 Or 399-8527 (04/08#8402) Professional Massage By experienced male.

Designed for healthy men 18 - 55 only.

A great way to relax House & Hotel Calls Only 706-589-9139 (04/08#8403) Diamond Massage Therapy Dr. Scot tie Diamond and our qualified staff of professionals offer in home massage therapy, migraine relief, pedicures, manicures, & acne treatments. Your first acne treatment is free. We come to you at your convenience.

Call 803-827-9300 (04/08#8405)

www.metrospirit.com

Poor Water Drainage?

• French Drains • Gutter Drains • Catch Basins • Erosion Control • Waterproofing • Crawl Space

GUARANTEED SOLUTIONS

LICENSED • INSURED

706-869-9988

www.sundownconstruction.com

Private Investigator RAY WILLIAMSON & ASSOCIATES Private Investigations 17 years experience Domestic Relations and Child Custody Cases Licensed and Bonded in Georgia & Carolina 706-854-9672 or 706-854-9678 fax (04/08#8418) Premier Investigations •Domestic •Child Custody •Surveillance •Background Checks 706-869-1667 (04/08#8419)

Religion Meditation & Buddhism Weekly Classes, Tuesdays, 7-8:30pm, April-June 22nd at the Unitarian Church of Augusta, 3501 Walton Way Ex tension, Ganden Buddhist Center, Everyone is welcome!

(No Class 4/20 & 6/1) Call (803) 256-0150 or www.MeditationInSouthCarolina.org for more info.

(04/08#8425) Metropolitan Community Church of Our Redeemer A Christian Church reaching to all: including Gay, Lesbian, and Transgendered Christians.

Meeting at 557 Greene Street, 11 am and 6 pm each Sunday. 722-6454 MCCOurRedeemer@aol.com www.mccoor.com (04/01#8128)

Real Estate Homes for Rent Savannah Lakes Village Rental Home New 3 br, 2 ba House for rent.

No pets. Call 843-251-8886 or email, erogers2@sc.rr.com (04/22#8421)

Love’s Wedding Chapel All types of ceremonies NO BLOOD TEST!!!!

NO WAITING PERIOD!!!!

Love & Light Healing Center 2477 Wrightsboro Road 706-733-8550 or cell 951-1300 (04/08#8370)

Telephone Service Unlimited Long-Distance & Local Calling One Price, One Bill, One Company Keep Your Same Phone # Reps Needed Call 1-800-392-4050 Eula NEX X Independent Rep www.nex xrep.com/134741 (04/08#8406)

Travel

We want your dead junk or scrap car bodies.

We tow away and for some we pay.

706/829-2676

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WOLFF TANNING BEDS

Augusta, GA

341 S. Belair Rd.

Services

METRO SPIRIT - APRIL 8, 2004

Equipment

DRIVERS

R E A D I N G S

Mrs. Graham, Psychic Reader, Advises on all affairs of life, such as love, marriage, and business. She tells your past, present and future. Mrs. Graham does palm, tarot card, and Chakra balancing. She specializes in relationships and reuniting loved ones.

SPECIAL READINGS WITH CARD

MRS. GRAHAM

FOR WOMEN ONLY Women of The Augusta Naturists will be holding a WINR (Women in Nude Recreation) information meeting for prospective female nudists April 15, 2004 If interested, please call 278-1835 for information.

Sorry guys, this is for LADIES ONLY! ht tp://www.knology.net/~nudlikeme2/main.htm (04/08#8397)

Pilates

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STARLIGHT CABARET

Fri & Sat. No Cover Before 10 p.m.

1632 Walton Way • Augusta, GA

Mind, Body & Spirit

MARLBORO STATION ! !

Call 738-1142 to place your Classified ad today!

Wheels

Dead Bodies Wanted OR

706/798-9060

Perpetual Spirit

Arnie, Jack and Gary. 34 Major Championships. One Timepiece.

Rolex Oyster Perpetual Day-Date in 18kt gold. Officially Certified Swiss Chronometers.

Rolex,

, Oyster Perpetual and Day-Date are trademarks.