Metro Spirit 04.12.2012

metr SPIR o IT

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Metro Spirit is a free newspaper published weekly on Thursday, 52 weeks a year. Editorial coverage includes local issues and news, arts, entertainment, people, places and events. In our paper appear views from across the political and social spectrum. The views do not necessarily represent the views of the publisher. Visit us at metrospirit.com.© 15 House, LLC. Owner/Publisher: Joe White. Legal: Phillip Scott Hibbard. Reproduction or use without permission is prohibited. One copy per person, please.

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photography: jwhite

INSIDER JENNY IS WRIGHT AUGUSTA TEK AUSTIN RHODES

CONTENTS

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INSIDER@THEMETROSPIRIT.COM Insider is an anonymous, opinion-based examination of the hidden details of Augusta politics and personalities.

SIDER “Get ready for some more big named entertainment!”

That’s the way Ron Cross introduced Little Big Town last Thursday night, apparently channeling Ed Sullivan.

Last week, during the Par Tee in the Park at Evans Towne Center Park, not only did the crowd get to see one of the best country acts in the U.S., they got a civics course on the importance of the Special Purpose Local Option Sales Tax courtesy of Columbia County Chairman Ron Cross. Unusual before a concert of that magnitude? Not in Col Co. The audience was also introduced to the full Columbia County Commission, sports casual white guys who didn’t appear as keen on taking the stage as the host. They were congratulated by MC C for supporting the amphitheater and given credit for the keen vision they all share.

When Lady A appeared late last year, Cross was on stage more than their roadie. He appears to be enjoying himself greatly.

Some Insiders are grousing that with Chairman Cross coming to the end of his long political career, he is going to have to learn how to exit stage right and give up the spotlight.

On Thursday, May 3, 95 Rock presents Seether, Chevelle, Black Stone Cherry and New Medicine at the Lady A Ampty Amp. Chairman Cross, if you go over SPLOST funding with that crowd, be sure and throw in a few F Bombs to get their attention. Or, as many in the county government privately implore, if you love something, set it free.

We call BS

THUMBS

up

4

Dumpster diving for Masters plastic cups.

down

Stealing sand from an Augusta National bunker.

METRO SPIRIT 04.12.12

For days, weeks, all forms of jalopies line Washington Road as large men in small chairs wave signs to passing traffic that say “Masters Tickets” and “Need Badges.” During Masters Week, driving to the course, they are all over. So you pull into the Augusta National parking lot, head in to the course and all is well. On exiting, someone approaches to buy your practice round ticket for a few bucks. Sure? Everyone is selling them. But then something unfathomable happens. You are arrested. Hauled to the jail, booked and fingerprinted.

It’s not fair, it’s not right and it should not be tolerated. There are signs everywhere for the patrons. It’s like Disney Land, except with a green on white motif. Pleasant? Pleasant on steroids. That is why there is no warning whatsoever about selling your tickets upon exiting. It could perhaps scar the sensibilities of those attending. It may intrude on the refinement of the occasion. But if your grandfather visiting from California is handcuffed and hauled off to the jail in downtown Augusta for making an innocent mistake, you wouldn’t be so flippant about it.

Sure, there aren’t signs that tell you not to rob a bank, but people aren’t robbing banks everywhere you look and getting away with it. It is a monumental failure to not communicate the rules.

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Batter Up! Now that the Golf and Gardens is gone, here’s an idea for the new GreenJacket’s stadium: put it at the depot.

Sure it’s small (about an acre small by most accounts), but that doesn’t mean the plans can’t be changed. Obviously, Cal and Company are partial to their original idea, but that idea is about eight blocks down Reynolds and it’s fading fast. Besides, let’s not forget that Cal didn’t get to be Cal by taking his ball and going home just because things didn’t go his way.

He played in something like a million consecutive ballgames, and you don’t do that if you’re thin skinned.

While there are certainly plenty of intangibles, things weren’t all that set in stone down at the Golf and Gardens either, so let’s drop the politics and the can’t do attitudes for a minute and give this thing a look.

For one thing, that part of downtown could really use the traffic. And talk about infill. Build a baseball stadium beside the river at the Fifth Street Bridge and you immediately shore up lower Broad Street.

Suddenly, there’s more than just Luigi’s “down there.”

There’s parking and people and some of the crappy

stuff gets replaced by shops or bars or restaurants.

And the Fifth Street Bridge, which has been slated by many to be a pedestrian bridge anyway, already plays a major role in Augusta Tomorrow’s Master Plan when it comes to unifying the Augusta and North Augusta.

Imagine what it could do if it dumped out into a baseball stadium. Think of the view as you cross over the river, the boats in the water, the kids waiting for the long ball. Think of the stuff that would develop on the other side.

In the space of a block or two you’ve got the Marina, St. Paul’s and the historic depot, a long, beautiful brick structure with exposed beams and an authentic, honest charm. Imagine incorporating the depot into the design of the stadium itself. It would be a hell of a lot more appropriate to Augusta than the riverboat theme they had planned for the Golf and Gardens stadium.

Forget the frill and build a stadium, just a stadium, and you could easily shave off that acre. Think of it — fans walking through a bit of Augusta history on their way to have a hotdog, a beer and a few innings worth of escape.

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METRO SPIRIT 04.12.12

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JENNY IS WRIGHT

The More Things Change, the More They Stay the Same It’s been a year. I started by writing about crazy carpool people, so it only seems fitting that two people screamed at each other in the line, just as I was dropping The Boy and The Girl at school this morning.

There’s a pretty efficient system in place to keep the cars moving during the morning rush. About five cars at one time are able to let kids out, and you’re supposed to wait until you’re at the front of the line. There are older kids assigned as carpool monitors. They help the little ones get out of the car and safely in to school.

So it goes like this: stop, have your door opened for you, let kids out and pull away. Simple, right?

Not always. Sometimes people don’t understand that they need to pull all the way up to where the sidewalk begins. I completely get that driver substitutions are necessary, so not everyone in line is a seasoned veteran, but geez. Doesn’t the violent waving and gesturing towards the front give you any clue to move up?

As you can see, I realize that being in the line can be a little frustrating at times. The guy this morning took it to a whole new level.

We were in the line, and per usual The Kids were gathering up their things and unbuckling their seatbelts so they’d be ready when it was our turn. I noticed that the cars weren’t moving, but we were running ahead of schedule today, so it didn’t stress me out. But when we were still sitting there a couple of minutes later, I started paying attention.

Up at the very front of the line sat a car with a fifth-grade student holding the door open. I pretty much just figured that Grandma was dropping off today and didn’t quite understand the process. No big deal.

Not everyone felt that way, though. The people in the car behind her started honking their horn. They honked again. First Car Driver rolled the window down

to kindly explain the hold up, and Second Car Driver rolled his down, too. He wasn’t kind. He was yelling. I couldn’t hear him, but I have quite an imagination.

I couldn’t hear her either, but she was yelling back and, as far as I could tell, she wasn’t pleased.

The teacher standing nearby was motioning for SCD to just go around, but I think he was enjoying ripping this lady a new one. You’d assume that he was in some major hurry, considering how urgently he mashed the horn button, but he had the time to stick around and yell about it.

Now FCD was mad, too. As he whipped around her, leaving the parking lot, she stopped and craned her neck yelling as he went by. It was a regular Jerry Springer carpool.

Sadly, the drama ended there. The line began moving again. We pulled up (to the very front of the line, where the sidewalk begins), our door was opened and my kids got out. I did forget to say goodbye to them, because I was too busy asking the carpool monitor what the heck happened.

Come to find out, FCD’s young son’s shoe had fallen off and she was helping him get it back on. If it’d been me, I’d tie and retie that shoe as soon as the beeping began, not even worrying that the rest of carpool would have to suffer for it.

Oh, carpool, how I have missed thee.

Thanks for checking out my silly words each week. While I appreciate every reader, I’m eternally grateful to all the idiots out there who continue to do stupid things so I can write about them. If I could, I’d buy each and every one of you a beer. Thanks a million, keep up the good work and cheers!

JENNYWRIGHT lives in Summerville with her husband, who she calls The Man, and two kids, who she affectionately calls The Boy and The Girl. She enjoys taking photos, cooking and playing tennis.

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AUGUSTA TEK The End of the Innocence

Welcome back my fellow Augustans from a long and enjoyable spring break! I hope that you were able to spend some quality time with your favorite video game, or possibly even a loved one, whatever the case may be. At any rate, I’m sure it was a complete drag for you to come back to the office on Monday only to discover that the Apple Mac for which you paid a premium has become utterly and completely infected with malware.

Alas, yes, this is no tall tale. The Great Mac Infection has begun. Last week we began hearing about an advanced Flashback exploit that takes advantage of unpatched security holes in Java (which Apple has since addressed) to install malware by merely visiting a malicious web page and not requiring any user attention. The vulnerability has created Apple’s most widespread security incident, with approximately 600,000 Mac systems infected worldwide.

How does it work? The Flashback malware injects code into applications such as web browsers that will send screenshots and other personal information to remote servers. The infection begins when a browser running an unpatched version of Java encounters a web page containing the malware. The malware will first execute a small Java applet that will break the Java security and write a small installer program to the user’s account. The install downloads the malware and begins the installation process. The user may be prompted for a password during the installation. Not supplying a password will not stop the infection. It will only change the malware’s mode of operation. Once infected, the malware will execute to collect personal information when user applications are opened.

If you are familiar with the Terminal application, the Flashback malware is relatively easy to detect. Open the Terminal app in the /Applications/Utilities/ folder and run the following commands: defaults read ~/.MacOSX/environment DYLD_INSERT_LIBRARIES defaults read /Applications/Safari.app/Contents/Info LSEnvironment defaults read /Applications/Firefox.app/Contents/Info LSEnvironment If the malware is present, these commands will output a path that points to the malware file.

Also, past variants left invisible .so files in the shared user directory. These files can be seen by running the following command: ls -la ~/../Shared/.*.so If the files are present, they will be listed.

Disinfecting the system can be a rather lengthy process. In the blog of this article (cmaaugusta.com), I’ve posted the manual disinfection procedure provided by F-Secure.

Automatic disinfection apps are also showing up, but, unfortunately, some of those appear to be delivering additional malware as well. Reputable malware apps will be posted on our blog as well. If you are fortunate enough not to be infected, please take the time to apply software updates to your system. Apple has released updates that fix the vulnerability in supported versions of OS X (Unfortunately fixes for Tiger and Leopard have not been released), and you should get it on you system as soon as possible.

While this is a new experience for most Mac users, this event also provides an opportunity to highlight some good news in securing your system. The vast majority of computer infections that occur require the user to take an action to enable the infection. The vast majority of vulnerabilities that do not require user action usually have a security update that closes the vulnerability. So quite simply, if you don’t go places that you shouldn’t go , don’t click things that you shouldn’t click and keep your system patched, you will be protected from the overwhelming majority of internet threats.

Before signing off for the week, I have one quick comment on the tournament. Many folks have already written about Bubba Watson’s unconventional approach to the game. His unconventional approach includes starting a “boy band” with fellow PGA golfers Ben Crane, Hunter Mahan and Rickie Fowler. Their first video “Oh Oh Oh” was published on YouTube last summer, and Farmers Insurance is donating $1,000 for every 100,000 views of the video.

I know that many of you have already seen them in action. If you haven’t, Google “golf boys” and be sure to share with others.

Until next time, I’ll see you on the internet @gregory_a_baker.

GREGORY A. BAKER, PH.D, is vice president and chief rocket scientist for CMA, which provides information technology services to CSRA businesses and nonprofits.

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METRO SPIRIT 04.12.12

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AUSTIN RHODES Feeling His Payne

Honest to goodness, I give the man all the credit in the world. If Billy Payne wore his heart on his sleeve the way Tiger Woods, Henrik Stenson, or even Arnold Palmer did last week, he would have jumped over the podium during last week’s Augusta National press conference and popped that blabbering Irish reporter smack dab in the shillelagh.

I counted 11 times in a press conference that lasted 30 minutes that the question involving female membership at Augusta National was marched out for its traditional, annual airing. How many times in one sitting must someone be hit over the head with the same damn question? How many ways do people have to hear the same answer before understanding that no new information is going to be revealed?

Which is, for the record: “We do not publicly discuss matters involving membership issues.” The answer was clearly given upon first inquiry, and yet still the barrage continued.

In your personal life, would you ever sit still for such incessant nagging? I love my wife, and she loves me. On occasion, we disagree. On rare occasions, I cave in. On much rarer occasions, she caves in. We have been together most of the last nine years, married for seven this July. We have come to know and understand that when we are at an impasse, argumentatively bugging the ever lovin’ hell out of each other is not going to solve the issue.

I would suggest asking the same question 11 times in about 20 minutes would fit that description. She is my wife, and I swore to love her forever, but that does not give her (or me) the open invitation to be an ass for the sheer sake of “being an ass.” Yet that is exactly what about a half dozen so-called journalists decided to do between eating the free sandwiches, drinking the free beer and watching the free golf while relaxing in the comfort of the best press facility that 300 raging misogynists can get together and build for their disrespectful candyasses.

Payne proved his ability to be the bigger and better man back during the trials and tribulations of dealing with the entire titanic production that was the 1996 Summer Olympics. When he made it through that mess without personally beating Atlanta Mayor Bill Campbell into a bloody pulp, he got my vote to be the next Pope right then and there. And I am pretty sure he ain’t even Catholic.

But he sat right there and took the questions, right up until some goofball in the gathered crowd of “unbiased members of the Fourth Estate” inquired as to what possible

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METRO SPIRIT 04.12.12

AUSTINRHODES

The views expressed are the opinions of Austin Rhodes and do not necessarily represent the views of the publisher.

solace could he be to his baby daughter as she inquired at bedtime why those mean old men in Augusta would not let her join “their” club. What a complete crock.

That guy was so offended by Payne’s sixth recitation of the standard response to that “inquiry” (which is way older than Payne’s own Green Jacket, I might add) that he got right up and left the club never to be seen there again! Don’t we all wish.

I am not sure why I expect these media professionals to know better, but every year my optimism is right up there with Charles Howell’s hopes for a great Sunday finish.

It is clear that journalism has given way to advocacy for many of these clowns, but at least they could get the story straight as they continue to grind their axes.

Case in point, the vaunted Wall Street Journal’s Marketplace section above the fold piece on the issue last Friday, as it pertains to new IBM CEO Virginia Rometty.

“Augusta has offered membership to a number of IBM CEOs but its all male policy means no such invitation has been extended for Ms. Rometty.”

They have no “all male policy” at ANGC. No more than I have a policy that I will not ride in a spaceship. Just because it has not happened yet does not mean there is an exclusionary policy in place. The WSJ should know better than to print such a thing.

And this: “...there was considerable discussion among (former IBM CEO) S. J. Palmisano and his associates over whether he should join a club that excludes women, said the (nameless) person. He ultimately decided to apply, and he was accepted as a member.” No one “applies” to be a member of Augusta National.

I humbly suggest to Payne that next year he has his staff run a simple background check on the credentialed media to see how many of them belong(ed) to fraternities, sororities or other organizations that are gender, race or religion exclusive. (The National Association of Black Journalists, The Knights of Columbus and The Belizean Grove qualify nicely.)

Is the state of affairs at ANGC fair? That is none of my business and, quite frankly, none of yours. If it bothers you so bad, don’t attend the tournament.

For the professional journalists who believe they are compromising their integrity to cover the event but do it anyway, I have some advice: Tell your boss to leave that week’s pay on the nightstand of your hotel, in $20 bills. That is S.O.P. for doing what you do.

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Yee-haw

Rule change clears the way for Food Truck Rodeo After meeting with local food truck owners concerned by some of the restrictions imposed by new amendments to the Augusta-Richmond County code that would restrict how they operate their mobile kitchens, the city unveiled a new food truck plan on Monday. Though the changes are few, they are significant.

“Before, the vehicle had to be less than 30 feet long,” said Development Manager Rob Sherman. “We took that away. Then there was a section that said you could only have one per location, and we took that away, thinking that several may want to get together with permission of the property owner and have what they call a Food Truck Rodeo.”

Food Truck Rodeos, where diners have the opportunity to sample the offerings from several different food trucks, are popular in many cities around the country, including nearby Columbia, S.C., which supports several food trucks.

The city also cut the distance requirement from the food truck to the front door of a stand-alone restaurant from 200 feet to 50 feet, allowing the food trucks to set up in more places while still protecting established brick and mortar restaurants from being outmaneuvered by mobile competitors.

Previously, the city had no ordinance regulating food trucks.

“We saw some interest in them, and after doing some research, we found they are V. 23 | NO. 15

ERICJOHNSON

METRO

NEWS

popular in a lot of cities,” Sherman said. “So we thought we’d just go ahead and get ahead of it so that anyone who wants to get into the business can.”

Several local restaurants, including Crums on Central, The Rooster’s Beak, the METRO SPIRIT 04.12.12

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Brown Bag and the Eatery, have taken their kitchen to the streets, and while each vehicle is allowed to cater an exclusive event under the umbrella of their restaurant, the ordinance will require them to operate under a separate business license if the trucks are going to serve the general public.

Sherman said he first thought of the food truck amendments when he was on vacation.

“It sort of came to my mind when I

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went on a camping trip with my son last summer,” Sherman said. “It was a festival and they must have had a dozen food trucks from across the country there.”

Food trucks are basically just commercial kitchens on wheels, and while Sherman’s guidelines are thorough, he’s not the only one keeping tabs on them.

“Because it’s serving food, the Health Department has a key role in

it,” Sherman said. “What was in there and is still in there is that the Health Department has to inspect the food preparation area — the entire inside — and if they’re cooking with grease or any type of flammable liquid, the Fire Department will make sure they have a full range hood for safety, too.”

Though Sherman studied ordinances from several cities, including San Francisco, he chose to model Augusta’s after the one developed by Raleigh, N.C.

One major detail — while some of these trucks are large enough to be semi permanent, they will only be allowed to be in one location for a short amount of time.

“They have to have a restaurant or a commissary that they can go home to every night where they store their supplies and clean their truck,” Sherman said. “They’re right impressive, though. It’s like you’re right inside a commercial kitchen.”

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ERICJOHNSON

Planting Art

Group looks to be public art agency for Augusta The Greater Augusta Arts Council is seeking to be the public art agency for Augusta.

According to Executive Director Brenda Durant, most communities have a central agency or city department to keep track of what’s happening with public art and to make sure that certain standards are being met. Despite an abundance of public art, Augusta doesn’t have anything like that, so the Greater Augusta Arts Council is petitioning the commission to be that agency.

“We had a conversation with the Convention and Visitors Bureau, Historic Augusta, the mayor and others to see if there was someone else who was doing that, and there isn’t,” Durant says. “And my board was very interested in taking that on, but before we did a lot of research and jumped in, we wanted to make sure we had an approval to move forward.”

The request was unanimously approved by the Public Services Committee on Monday and will appear before the full commission next Tuesday.

Durant started the process by asking different organizations if they thought there was a need for a public art agency and whether or not they’d be comfortable with the Greater Augusta Arts Council being the one to fill it. Since then, she’s received phone calls from people wanting a mural painted on the side of their buildings.

Durant, however, makes it clear that being the designated agency does not mean they would be the ones making all the decisions.

“This is not us deciding what to put up in every corner of the city, but us being a central touchpoint,” she says. “Sometimes, it’s just the point of letting us know what’s going on, while other times it would be us being very involved in the process from creation to installation.”

The first step, she says, would require creating an inventory of existing public art and then creating a brochure. From there, she says, they’ve been asked to work on a couple

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of specific projects.

Since the Art Wall on Highland and Wrightsboro, murals have become what the public thinks about when they think about public art, and Durant says that even those are not always as straightforward as they might seem.

“If we think about murals, some public art is meant to be permanent and some is meant to be temporary,” she says. “So you want to make sure you’re doing the temporary stuff one way and if it’s supposed to be permanent, that you would make sure it’s going to last and fit the community.”

That’s the kind of role she’s eager to play.

“Before public art would go up, we’d like to have conversations with the community about what’s being thought about and let them be a part of the process as well,” she says As for whether she and her board would hold the purse strings, she says that is yet to be determined.

“This is why we’re getting approved,” she says. “It works different ways everywhere, but before we write a document on how things would work, we wanted to be clear that we wouldn’t be told, ‘Nope, we want Engineering to do it.’”

Because public art fits into so many different categories, Durant envisions working closely with several different city departments, from Traffic Engineering for public art in gateway projects to Parks and Recreation to working directly with SPLOST projects.

Public art is also hot right now, Durant says. At a national leadership conference at Sundance last year, she gathered with arts groups from all over the country, some from arts councils, others from departments of cultural affairs and community foundations.

Almost all had worked on public art projects.

After completing the list of existing projects, Durant expects to meet with Administrator Fred Russell to start work on the big document.

“We’re excited about it,” she says. “It’s big and it’s going to be interesting, and if we do this right, then the city is going to get excited.”

METRO SPIRIT 04.12.12 11

ERICJOHNSON

In the Rough

Augusta rolls up red carpet for Canadian couple caught scalping Last year, Canadian Dave Rawlings entered the Masters ticket lottery and won. This year, when he and his wife, Dianne, sold them to a stranger from Illinois as they left the course early Tuesday afternoon, they ended up spending the rest of the day in jail.

“We were walking out and this guy came over and asked if we were finished with the tickets,” Rawlings says. “I told him that we never got them scanned so he wouldn’t be able to get back in, but he said he’d take the chance. We were going to give them to him for nothing, but he gave us $50 because he didn’t feel right taking the tickets for nothing.”

That’s when the plain-clothed officer showed his badge and asked them all to come with him.

“He took us up to a building on the side and made out all the citations and then we got driven down to the jail,” Rawlings says.

Luckily, his wife had $500 in her wallet. That was enough to bail him out of jail, albeit four hours later. One of the guys who was in there with them took him back to the Augusta National, where he got his car and went looking for an ATM so he could withdraw another $500 and bail his wife out.

They were apprehended at 1:15 p.m. and he didn’t get her out until 7:30.

According to Sheriff Ronnie Strength, six plain-clothed officers were working the Masters this year. Between them, they made around 40 arrests, six or eight more than last year.

“It’s for the benefit of the patrons,” Strength says. “The reason we do it is because people are harassed for tickets so much as they’re leaving.”

For Rawlings and his wife, who were staying in Myrtle Beach and had seen the first part of the day’s golf, unloading their ticket was an unexpected opportunity that turned costly.

Since a trip back to Augusta to show up for his May 8 court date would be expensive and there would be no guarantee a favorable result, he says he’ll probably just stay home and pay the fine.

“Everybody was pretty good about it, especially the guys at the jail, but I just thought it was a little excessive,” he says. “Even if I was charging him $200 for a $50 ticket, it seemed a little excessive for just scalping.”

So the whole experience left a bad taste in his mouth?

“Just a little,” he says. “I could see it if they had a sign up saying that beyond this point transferring tickets is illegal, but they didn’t. And how many people go online and see what the scalping laws are, especially While we’re no fan of publish ing mugshots of those arrest when you have to ed, we feel the above photos of Canadian Dave and Dianne Rawlings say more run the gauntlet of than words. so many people buying and selling tickets just to get to the course?”

Strength, however, remains indifferent to the idea that anyone was unfairly trapped by the ambiguity of the no-sell zone.

“They don’t post signs telling you not to rob a bank,” he says.

As for the Rawlings, he couldn’t come back to the tournament even if he wanted to.

“They already told me I’d have to get somebody else to put my name in,” he says.

“There will be a red flag beside mine.”

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ERICJOHNSON

AFFORDABLE ...

Extra Extra

Elegant ... TIMELESS ...

City closer to selling surplus properties Now that the city of Augusta has its real estate firms in place (the power of two is apparently better than one), Administrator Fred Russell appears ready to star t moving some of the city’s surplus proper ty.

At Monday’s committee meetings, Russell told commissioners that the time was right to put together a list of what is available for sale, although the method of the sale would be different depending on the type of property and its value.

“Some of the property, we’ll probably do at auction,” Russell said. “Some of the larger properties we’ll offer for sealed bid. And some, I would recommend placing restrictions on.”

One of the properties he wants restrictions placed on is the depot property on Reynolds Street. Over the years, the city has made significant investments in that property, and Russell said that he felt that those investments needed to be protected.

“We need to have an input as to what gets done there and when it gets done,” he said.

“I don’t particularly want to sell this property with an unlimited timeframe. We’re not here to let somebody buy that property and hold it for 20 years as it is. If it’s going to be held, in my mind, we can continue to hold it and let the value increase.”

Another building that has drawn a lot of attention is the old Chamber of Commerce building. The I.M. Pei-designed office space in the middle of lower Broad Street has attracted attention from both inside and outside local government.

“The mayor has expressed an interest in using that building for his high-tech business incubator,” Russell said, “so the question becomes do we market it to the outside or do we use it internally.”

While Russell and staff, including the combined power of real estate companies Sherman and Hemstreet and Blanchard and Calhoun, can make recommendations and execute the deals, they need guidance from the commission, which is why Russell added the item to the agenda. He said he wanted them to look at the list and start thinking about the value and futures of the individual pieces of property.

One of the buildings generating the most interest is the old library building. Both Paine College and Augusta State University have expressed an interest in the vacant building, which closed when the library moved across Ninth Street in 2010.

“They are both real serious about the idea,” Russell said. “And there’s great attraction in getting a population like that in the downtown area.”

Russell, who said he was starting to field calls from investors about these properties, sounded generally upbeat about the market and its long-term future.

“I don’t want to unload properties right now just to make money, if that makes any sense,” he said. “I want the sales to be strategic and advantageous to the city.”

With the Golf and Gardens property looking less and less likely to be the location of a downtown ballpark, some have suggested that the depot property would be a logical fallback location, but Russell estimated that it’s about an acre too small for the stadium as it’s been proposed — even more if the city sticks to its guns and requires the depot building itself to remain where it is.

Real estate experts recommend 60 days of advertising once the properties have been finalized, which makes Russell anxious to move the process forward.

“We’d like to have something back from the commission sooner rather than later,” he said. “The downtown area is going to look a lot different in the next six months no matter what we do, but what we do has the potential to make it look even more different.”

V. 23 | NO. 15

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METRO SPIRIT 04.12.12 13

LAURENDeVILLE

Golden Stride

Olympic gold medalist to lead Paine runners Paine College Athletics is hoping to ensure a successful season in track and field and cross country by hiring Olympic gold medalist Latasha Colander Clark (pictured at right) as the head coach.

Clark, who was an assistant coach at Mount Olive College in Mount Olive, North Carolina, and is a graduate of the University of North Carolina, brings professionalism and drive to the program.

“I bring a wealth of insight to the Paine College student athlete,” Clark said. “The insight of being able to be a runner in high school, being able to be a cross country and track and field runner in college and then also going to the professional world.”

Tim Duncan, athletic director at Paine, said that not only does Clark bring professionalism to the sport, but she also brings experience and tremendous credentials.

“She has immediately brought a level of credibility to the student athlete,” Duncan said. “When she gives them advice or when she coaches them, they understand that she knows specifically what she is talking about because she’s done it.”

In her professional career, Clark was an anchor on the 4x400 meter relay team, which captured the gold in the 2000 Olympics in Sydney, Australia. She also set a world record with her 4x200 meter relay team at USA vs. The World at the Penn Relays in 2000.

Clark retired as a professional athlete in 2006 and became an assistant coach in 2011. Now, as head coach, she is looking to steer her team toward being contenders in track and field and cross country.

“My focus for being here at Paine College as the head coach is for them to be a competitive team here in Augusta and nationwide,” Clark said. “And as far as the recruits that are coming in, it’s going to be a wonderful new year, but right now we have a core of athletes that are doing really well.”

14 METRO SPIRIT 04.12.12

Clark also said that a solid work ethic, passion and dedication are some of the keys the entire team can build its success upon.

“I have to be dedicated as a coach and they have to be dedicated as student athletes,” Clark said.

One of her priorities is to bring balance by helping the student athlete succeed on and off the track and field.

Upon building towards success, Clark said that a serious work ethic, a positive mindset and hard work will put her athletes over the top.

Some, she said, may even make this sport into a career.

According to Duncan, even the recruiting process has picked up from Clark coming to Paine, and the number of inquiries from students and coaches who want to volunteer and help has also increased.

In addition to her current team, Clark looks forward to stepping out on the track with new faces, letting them join her core group of runners and helping them to soar to new heights.

“Having these core athletes who have already set themselves on fire and bringing in good recruits will make a difference and add to what we have,” she said.

V. 23 | NO. 15

Ruffin’ It

The One Conservative Who Deserves Your Sympathy I crack a lot of jokes in this space at the expense of Republicans. And even if your most important daily decision is choosing which American flag-print necktie to wear, you can hardly blame me, especially given our current political climate.

Rush Limbaugh can express his porky, sweaty desire to watch Sandra Fluke get rear-ended on camera, and not only isn’t he kicked off the air and forced to have his balls dipped in molten lead, but he’s freaking lionized for it. When (admittedly dickish) liberal pundit Martin Bashir dared to call Limbaugh out on it, a female Limbaugh fan — who are somehow less rare than hermaphroditic unicorns — lambasted Bashir, calling him a “little girl” and asserting that Limbaugh was “a real man.”

Since I don’t know her name, this can’t count as libel, so I’m gonna go ahead and assume this woman has a six-foot poster of beef brisket tacked to the ceiling above her bed.

Rush Limbaugh is made of lard and Satan is what I’m saying.

This party can’t even get their talking points straight. Rush calls for women who use birth control to film themselves screwing, but Rick Santorum wants to ban pornography. That’s like doppelganger Michael Bay telling real Michael Bay to not explode pyramids with racist Volkswagens. Everyone is this paragraph makes the case for chemical castration.

But for every ultra-reactionary firebrand in the GOP, there is a surprisingly sound-minded, socially moderate conservative who is doing his or her best to either undo the PR damage or just ride this trend out until the rest of the party is raptured to Mordor. And I’d like to tell you a little more about one of them.

S.E. Cupp is a writer, pundit and stone-cold hottie who works or has worked for Fox and Friends, the Daily News, Sean Hannity and Live with Megyn Kelly. Glen Beck even signed a few of her paychecks, which at this point for conservatives is the kind of thing you’re not sure whether you should emblazon on your resume, or bury it in the “Miscellaneous” section along with church membership and hippie-punching.

With her youth, subtly-dyed red hair and just-oversized-enough glasses, she’s also the best chance Republicans have to attract a hipster crowd. Still, though, see “hermaphroditic unicorns” above.

She’s also pretty sharp, and knows how to navigate an argument without resorting to inflammatory rhetoric or an improper use of Jesus. She’s a frequent panelist — read, token conservative — on MSNBC’s Now with Alex Wagner, so she definitely doesn’t shy away from being ideologically tested. What’s sad is that, as a member of the media, she makes most of her living pushing a right-wing agenda. And that includes most of the crazy-talk. In that regard, she does herself no favors, but she’s stuck between a rock and a bigger, dumber rock.

Prime example: recently, on Wagner’s show, a left-leaning author (who, apropos of nothing, looked sort of like a highly-chromosomed Taylor Lautner) came on to promote his book, the thesis of which was that conservatives, as a whole, are much more mistrustful of science and the scientific process than liberals are. And it seemed like a self-evident truth: a laughably large percentage of conservative pundits and politicians continue to express doubt regarding evolution as verifiable human history, as well as humanity’s contributions to global warming and various environmental crises. Usually because the Bible. And big-oil party contributions.

This is printed media, so we can’t imbed video because A) I’m not a sorcerer, B) even if I were, I’m too lazy to figure out how to use screen grabs and C) I obviously think technology and magic are the same thing, and am therefore way too high to be trusted. In lieu of visual representation, though, I’ll do my best to chronicle the tragic, awkward, hilarious way S.E. tries to deal with this situation.

As the author is beginning to delve into his thesis, we begin to hear some trills of indignation from off-screen. Wagner refers to them as “giggles,” but they sound more like the guffawing

V. 23 | NO. 15

smirks of a bully reacting to the fact that you just called him a bully. They are coming from Cupp, and Wagner asks her to respond.

Cupp, who has obviously been perfecting her Ann Coulter impersonation — minus stretching a Skeletor mask over her face and stapling it to the back of her head — first points out how insulting this is to the intelligence of a party that puts its trust in evolution deniers, woman-haters, climate skeptics and Young Earth theorists. It is at this point that the good inside of Cupp begins to suffocate and claw at her ribcage.

Cupp’s argument is that the spirit of the scientific process has always been based on skepticism, and the guest’s book is therefore hypocritical and antithetical to the very ideas it claims to espouse. This is a good argument in much the same way that cancer is a good weight-loss program. Both Wagner and the author do their best to tell her why; i.e., that what the book criticizes is not the very concept of skepticism, but rather the steadfast refusal to acknowledge repeatedly proven fact. Cupp, in what can only be an attempt to blend in with her Republican colleagues, acts indignant and repeats her argument, nearly word for word.

God, having a beer in Heaven, rage-clenches his pint glass so hard that it shatters.

The sad thing is that if you watch Cupp’s face throughout the whole thing, her bulls**t sonar is obviously screeching at her own brain every time she speaks. The woman went to Cornell, is a classically trained ballet dancer and is an avowed atheist. And this type of behavior is only typical of her when the GOP as a whole are attacked.

In previous appearances, she’s taken people like Santorum and Limbaugh to task for their words and actions. In the name of livelihood, however, she — like a good many of us — falls lockstep, and becomes another grain of static. An abyss, gazing at its own navel.

JOSHRUFFIN, an ASU and Metro Spirit alum, is a published journalist and poet,

who just received his MFA from Georgia College & State University. He was once the most un-intimidating bouncer at Soul Bar.

METRO SPIRIT 04.12.12 15

OF COURSE!

By Patrick Merrell / Edited by Will Shortz 46 Annoy 50 Secretive couple 51 Pro ___ 52 Iroquois foes 54 Cassim’s brother in a classic tale 58 Investors’ news, briefly 59 Come together 62 “Caught you!”

63 Military title?

64 Pharynx affliction 65 One-word query 67 Certain 35mm camera 68 “Lo-o-ovely!”

70 Second of 12: Abbr.

71 Suffix with ear or arm 72 Valued 73 ___ Lake (one of New York’s Finger Lakes) 74 Swedish coins 78 Lincoln in-laws Down 79 Often-filtered material 1 There are 336 dimples on a typical 80 Shaw who wrote “Rich Man, golf ball, for instance Poor Man” 2 1970s Wimbledon victor over 81 Location of many organs Connors 83 Org. with boats 3 Meager 84 Lawyer: Abbr.

4 Terrestrial decapod 85 Violate a peace treaty, maybe 5 Aussie chick 88 Club thrown in disgust?

6 “Chill!”

89 Installment 7 Inits. in bowling lanes 91 Anonymous: Abbr.

8 Swell 92 Herbal tea 9 Operating in either of two ways 93 Early Wagner opera 10 Carnival worker 94 Quick survey 11 Suffix with Milan 97 Like a real-estate deal that 12 On the line doesn’t involve a mortgage 13 Protection from bug bites 98 Crusty one 14 Duffer’s shots?

102 Oui’s opposite 15 Whichever 103 Object of curiosity on the first 16 Enthusiasm day of school 17 Whiz 105 Put on the line 21 Attacked from the air 106 Some postal workers 23 Not fine 110 Novelize, e.g.

24 Knocked 112 University of Miami mascot 29 Prefix with management 114 Egyptian menaces 31 ___ center 116 Nephew of Caligula 33 Shirt 35 Sport named for a British boarding 117 Country in a Thomas Moore poem school 118 Mil. awards 36 “I haven’t ___” 119 ___ Pepper 37 TV option 120 That guy 38 Milano of “Charmed” 39 Like works of Kipling and Browning 121 Hit Steely Dan album 123 The Indians, on sports tickers 41 Light start?

124 As well 42 Director ___ C. Kenton 43 They might help produce a blowout 104 Ones on a circuit 107 Untrue 108 Robert Frost’s middle name 109 “Now We Are Six” author 111 Like some columns 113 Spelling aid?

115 Newly districted 119 Fragment 122 Woods stowed in the rear of a golf cart?

125 Action Man : U.K. :: ___ : U.S. 126 Long Island airport site 127 Legislative excess 128 Any of seven Danish kings 129 Revenuer 130 Loses 131 Sleighful 132 Reagan and others

1

2

3

4

5

18

6

7

22

23

11

12

40 45

49

50

55

56 62

64

82 88

60 66

101

84

98

91

122

85

86 93 100

104 109

113

94

105

106

110

114

115

123

116

126

127

128

129

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D O R S A L

S T I L T S

M O N D A Y S

U N B O S O M

S T A M I N A

P A C I N O

I R O N E D

O V A T E C A T E S

G R I M E G A P E D

F L L O A V O T I R R R A T A C U T E E S S

117

118

124

125

I N T I M E

74 78

92

103

112

121

73

99

108 111

68

77

102 107

67

72

90 97

54

59

65

83

96

120

58

71

89

95

36

48 53

76

81

87

35

17

43

47

57

75

34

52

70

16

42

46

63

15

29

33

41

51

69

80

28 32

39

61

14 21

27

38

13

25

31

44

119

10

24

30

79

9 20

26

37

8

19

PREVIOUSPUZZLEANSWERS

Across 1 Drop 5 Diagnostic test, of a sort 9 Crosswise, when 18-Across 14 ___ bean 18 See 9-Across 19 Augusta National Golf Club, for the Masters 20 Class, abroad 21 SST component 22 Golf club repositioning?

25 “I bet I’ll know it” 26 Botanical holder 27 Stock price movement 28 Yonder 30 Cloths with repeating patterns 32 When to get in, briefly 34 Three-time Best Director in the 1930s 37 Jennifer of tennis 40 Hole in one?

44 Take out ___ (get some assistance at the bank) 45 Stance 47 According to 48 Shoot two under 49 Comment after hitting a tee shot out of bounds?

53 Insect named for the Virgin Mary 55 Multiuse W.W. II vessel 56 Where tumblers can be found 57 Brightest star in Orion 60 “I do” 61 Ex-Jet Boomer 64 Pilfer 66 Uniform: Prefix 69 Wedge shot from a worn-out practice range platform?

75 Equal 76 Continental coins 77 Disappearance of 7/2/1937 79 Wait to play 82 100 kopecks 84 Like 20% of Israel 86 Start of an attention-getting call 87 Put through 90 Use one club for all 18 holes?

95 “That’s ___!”

96 Topper 99 Old-time actress Talbot or Naldi 100 Words to the left of the White House flag on a $20 bill 101 Course not listed in the guidebooks?

N A T S I O U S A L T R A B L M A L L S T R A Y A M U T T B R I A I M A M N A M O D E M P L U S L A B S E R S L A R I A G A N D U B E L C O L L T P U R R T R O A S K Y

C A V A E

O P A R T

S A T T E E P R E E L A M M O T T H A R S U T Y

M E I R

A X L E N I P P E E T L E E L D E X G R E G E R N E

G I B B S

S T E A M A S L O H L R I A P C T O O O R R A N T E R H L O S I S A A T H E S P E R T E A K E C A D G E

H A H N

A L O N S L O O B B A O N R D T I H E O D C H E S T

H E R E T O

GOT FUNERAL PLANS?

R I L E U P

P A D R E S

L I C E N S E

E M E R G E S

I N B U L K

P A S S E S

Elliott Sons Funeral Homes ELLIOTTFUNERALHOME.COM

16 METRO SPIRIT 04.12.12

V. 23 | NO. 15

TERENCEBARBER

Your Weird Week in Crime Though RCSD was busying dealing with traffic and security for Masters last week, crime never takes a break Laundry is serious business On Tuesday, April 3, two Augustans got into an argument over laundry. The suspect threw a cigarette at the victim, but a witness then stepped in to separate them. The victim grabbed a broom and pursued the suspect. The suspect took away the broom and the two entered hand-to-hand combat until another witness separated them. Upon the second separation, the suspect sprayed the victim in the eyes with cleaning solution. Water and first-aid solution were used to clean the victim’s eyes and no permanent eye damage was sustained.

One man’s shed is another man’s sleep stop On Wednesday, April 4, RCSD was called to investigate a suspicious person sleeping in the victim’s shed. When the subject was awakened and searched, the officer found a small bag of marijuana.

The drunken fist versus three deputies On Thursday, April 5, a deputy spotted a man sleeping on the ground on Broad Street. The man, smelling of alcohol, yelled and cursed at the deputy, but nonetheless relocated to 6th and Broad streets. The man then proceeded to relieve himself on the sidewalk, where two other deputies told him to stop. The man then asked for the deputy he dealt with previously, who arrived on the scene. The man was then told he was going to be arrested for disorderly conduct, and the man responded by attempting to strike a deputy. The deputy used OC spray to stop the drunken man, but he still continued with his attempted assault. The two other deputies brought the man to the ground and made the arrest.

Your Masters logos are not safe On Thursday, April 5, two separate houses (on the same road) had their Masters flag poles stolen from them. I know there are people big on golf, but that’s some serious business.

Crime totals for the week* 50 counts of larceny (both felony and misdemeanor) 29 counts of invasion of privacy 21 counts of assault 11 counts of burglary with forced entry (time unknown) Seven counts of burglary with forced entry (daytime) Seven counts of motor vehicle theft Four counts of theft/mislaid property Three counts of property damage Three counts of public peace disturbance Two counts of burglary with no forced entry (daytime) Two counts of burglary with no forced entry (time unknown) Two counts of burglary with forced entry (night time) Two counts of theft by deception Two counts of robbery (armed) Two counts of attempted burglary Two counts of missing persons Two counts of obstructing police Two counts of obstructing justice Two counts of identity fraud One count of burglary with no forced entry (night time) One count of forgery One count of arson One count of financial fraud *The totals for this week do not account for Monday, April 2. Interns… what can you do with them?

Things worth fighting for It’s Sunday You owe me money Custody of the kids You won’t let me eat your food

V. 23 | NO. 15

METRO SPIRIT 04.12.12 17

ERICJOHNSON

The New Sport

Local man takes jump rope and runs with it If you caught our first Masters issue or happened to be driving down Washington Road the Monday before the tournament, you’ve already met Calvin El and his jump rope. To introduce our special Masters issue, we arranged to shut down two lanes of traffic in front of the Augusta National for a photo shoot and have El, in wacky golf pants and a green blazer, jump rope passed the main gate because jumping rope is what he does.

El, however, threw us a curve when he turned and skipped inside.

“I just couldn’t help myself,” he said later.

“I had to see what would happen.”

In this case, we’ll give you the pictures and spare you the thousand words, but while the photos illuminate his Masters adventure, they don’t go very far in explaining what El and his jump rope are hoping to accomplish in the long run. For that, we need El himself.

“I see myself being a spokesperson for jump rope organizations around the world,” he says.

It’s okay if you didn’t know there were jump rope organizations around the world. Most people don’t, because those organizations are using and targeting kids, which El says is part of the problem he’s facing.

“When you use kids, people aren’t going to take it seriously,” he says.

“With kids, it’s not considered a sport.”

And that right there is his long-term objective. He wants to make the thing he did for us in front of the Masters — running while jumping rope — a sport.

El calls his sport Jumping Rope 4 Distance (JR4D) and the way he sees it, people would compete in timed events the way they do in the Olympics.

The problem is, it takes two to race, and right now El is pretty much the only person in the world doing this.

“I’m introducing the sport to the world,” he says.

In the spirit of full disclosure, it should be pointed out that he’s been introducing the sport to the world since 1979, but instead of

18 METRO SPIRIT 04.12.12

V. 23 | NO. 15

becoming discouraged or disillusioned by the glacial pace of the process, he’s used the time to develop a Zen-like understanding of the sport.

“What I’m telling you, people don’t even get, because I took it to a whole new level,” he says. “So you won’t get that conversation from anybody else that’s jumping rope, because they haven’t taken it that far. I’ve taken it farther than it was supposed to go.”

If that sounds like someone obsessed with jumping rope, it is. He freely admits that there was a time in his life when jumping rope mattered a little too much to him.

“I couldn’t go anywhere without my jump rope,” he says. “I didn’t even go out because I wanted to go somewhere and jump rope.”

There’s just something about the whir of the rope, he says, and though he claims to have found a balance now, he continues to try to promote the sport by exposing as many people as he can to the joys of running while jumping rope, and he says today’s technology is making that job easier.

“When I started there were no cell phones,” he says. “But now, with YouTube and stuff going directly to your phone, people have a better understanding of what I’m actually talking about. It’s hard for people to figure it out without seeing it, because it’s a new concept.”

He first started running with a jump rope because he was bored jumping rope in place. Initially, he ran long distances while jumping rope, but his desire to maintain his knees caused him to focus more on sprinting. Sometimes, at a stoplight, he’ll even challenge a car to a race… and he’ll win, since the sight of a man dashing down the road while jumping rope tends to be a tad unsettling to most drivers.

Though El continues to market his sport as a sport, it’s an efficient and deceptively simple way to burn calories.

“It’s not the little jump, it’s the weight that you’re pushing up in the air,” he says. “A 200 pound man is pushing up 200 pounds every time he jumps.”

Because jumping rope burns so many calories, El says he has to purposely gain weight in order to be able to participate in his sport.

“I want to jump, so I have to eat,” he says. “I have to make sure that I gain at least five or six pounds, so if I lose that, I’m still my regular size. I call it my buffer weight.”

Although running while jumping rope is not as dangerous as, say, running with scissors, there are nevertheless consequences to getting tripped up, which means you have to isolate what caused the miss.

“A lot of times when you trip up, what you probably did but didn’t notice was drop your wrist,’ he says. “When you drop your wrist, there’s more slack in the rope, so when you turned it around it got caught up in your feet. Therefore, without wrist conditioning, after a period of time you get tired and drop your wrist.”

To combat this fatigue, he suggests jumping for long periods of time, which you can do by jumping up and down and rotating your wrists without using the rope — something that requires commitment, because if you think running with a jump rope attracts attention, you’ve obviously never run while pretending to jump rope.

“You want to double the time without the rope,” he says. “Once you’ve double that time without the rope, you want to triple it. When you triple it, then you get to a pace where you’re satisfied and then you can pick your rope back up.”

Though a lack of conditioning causes most form breaks, he says the weather can play a part, too.

“Outdoors, you don’t know what the weather is going to be, so the wind can be a very big issue,” he says. “The wind carries the rope, so just like driving a car, you have to make adjustments.”

For the Masters photo shoot, he soaked his leather rope in water to give it a little extra weight in the wind.

El claims that jumping rope improves other facets of your life, too.

“I’m a dancer, and it’s taken my dancing to a more developed level,” he says. “And jumping rope really improves your focus. A lot of people just jump rope, but I developed a technique where I listen to the rope. If you listen to it enough, it puts you in a trance, so you use that to help stimulate you. When I developed a second wind, I got a mental high off of being able to do that and not panting.”

And if running straight and level isn’t enough for you, there’s always jumping rope while running up stairs, though we wouldn’t recommend challenging El. He’s the world champion.

V. 23 | NO. 15

METRO SPIRIT 04.12.12 19

20 METRO SPIRIT 04.12.12

V. 23 | NO. 15

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CONTENTS

latchkey kid 04 - A COLUMN ON FATHERING BY RYAN BURKHOLDER

art45 05 - UNDERCOVER ARTISTS FUND WALTON REHAB’S SUMMER CAMP summer camps guide, part II - ARTS - EDUCATIONAL - SPECIALTY - SPORTS - TEENS - TRADITIONAL - OVERNIGHT

07

COVER DESIGN | GABRIEL VEGA

metr SPIR o IT

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APRIL 2012 | METRO AUGUSTA PARENT

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3

LATCHKEY KID

A different world means a different child

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METRO SPIRIT 04.12.12

As an incurable lifelong insomniac, one of the things I do during those fleeting hours before sunrise and impending routine is count the new cracks on the ceiling and walls — a weekly gift of my home’s failing foundation. Another is to consider the vast differences between my childhood in Augusta and my son’s current childhood in Nashville. The locales are irrelevant, of course. The three plus decades of separation between the two, however, give me pause as I try to convince myself that time actually has a role in the wonder.

My Boy, Emerson, is 10. When I was his age, I was out the door at 8 a.m. and headed home only when the streetlights began to hum. I was alight in the novelty of seeming so tall in the shadow I cast upon the asphalt while walking up the hill of our street. My wonderful world encompassed the Augusta woods, creeks, railroad tracks and the dangerous neighborhood politics that seem still to dictate the city’s stasis.

At 10, I cooked my own meals, did my own laundry, read the evening Augusta Herald and put myself to bed. Though borne of necessity, in retrospect, it seems an odd arrangement I suppose. But it was not a bad condition and I am convinced it instilled in me the self-sufficiency that sustains me to this day.

It is 35 years later and we live in a different world. At least I tell myself that. I think I believe it. As such, the Boy’s childhood thus far bears no resemblance whatsoever to my own. Where I was treated with nearly unfathomable leniency, my boy is saddled with the polar opposite. I’ve become a father so overbearing that I know the kid’s moves 20 seconds before he initiates them. He is 10 and yet I do not let him out of my sight when we are in a grocery store. Or any store for that matter. The thought of doing so never crosses my mind.

To this day (his fifth year in the public school system), I continue to park the Jeep and accompany my Boy across the street and up the walk to his school, eschewing the system’s preferred buses or drop-off lines. This is purely selfish on my part. I’m not doing it for him but for me. Watching him enter that building after a turn, smile and wave is what allows me to begin my day with at least an inkling of calm.

It’s overkill, sure. But over the years, it has simply become part of our involved routine.

We seem to both appreciate the familiarity of it. I imagine some kids would be mortified by the practice. Not Emerson. His self-assuredness amazes me. I have allowed him many outs.

“Dude,” I’ve said. “If this embarrasses you or if the other kids screw with you, we can do the drop off line.” Invariably, he looks at me with patient understanding, the hint of a smirk and says, “Daddy, you know I don’t care about that stuff. I like waving goodbye to you.”

It is then that my heart swells — embracing finite moments.

So I run an opposite show from the one I starred in as a kid. Is it because I think the world is truly that much more dangerous than it was then? Hell, I don’t know. I think it’s likely that the same dangers and horrors lurk behind the same corners they ever did.

We seem simply to be more aware of them (or at least more willing to acknowledge them). And herein lies the problem. My son, though a well-adjusted, bright, independent thinker, has been actively denied the opportunities I was given. In assuring his safety and well being (patting myself on the back the whole way), I have largely coddled him and deprived him of the hands-on street smarts that are essential to survival.

So at what intersection did I misplace or disregard or kick aside the obvious balance — a key puzzle piece — necessary to fund this Boy’s ultimate well being?

He is smart and kind. He is resourceful and clever as Huck Finn. But he could no more do his own laundry or prepare his own meals than could Stephen Hawking. So have I failed this Boy? Have the disparate paths of our first 10 years set in motion a sheltered path from which this kid won’t recover?

Of course not. The Boy is rock solid in ways select few are. But you get a man like me who can’t sleep, who runs rabbits in his crowded head at all hours, and you get a fractional glimpse of the worries (real and imagined) that a well-intentioned father will work and work in those sleepless hours predawn.

And as so often happens, irony abides. The Boy, sadly, has inherited my night-owl tendencies and painful insomnia. Two hours after his bedtime, he came to me frustrated, unable to sleep. I let him crawl into my bed with the hope that the cool sheets of one who understands might give him ease. For all I know, he is awake still, counting the cracks on the ceiling and walls. But I am assured he sees not a failing foundation but one so strong as to require something new — something worthy of its unwavering support.

He is a Wonder, my Boy.

RYANBURKHOLDER, a 40-something former latchkey kid who lived in Augusta for 30 years, now calls Nashville, Tennessee, home, where he lives with his 10-year-old son Emerson and their 17-year-old cat Potter. Happily divorced, he works in the communications department for a large healthcare company and describes himself as apolitical, an “unfortunate packrat who despises clutter” and a First Amendment purist. He loves small-batch bourbons, good cigars and exotic food (including Waffle House), but dislikes warm beer and most people in grocery stores. “I’ve also sat proudly atop the aged Army tank at Pendleton King Park at least 100 times,” he says.

METRO AUGUSTA PARENT | APRIL 2012

ART 45

VALERIEEMERICK

The Secret Is Out Walton Rehab’s Undercover Artists Show helps fund Camp TBI This will mark the sixth year of Walton Rehabilitation Health System’s Undercover Artists Show, and the event is still going strong.

“This event is unique,” explains Alice Salley, development officer at the Walton Foundation for Independence, “in that we keep the artists’ names hidden throughout most of the evening so people are bidding on the art itself. We like to stay true to the notion that ‘art is in the eye of the beholder’.”

Just to keep it interesting, about 30 minutes before the auction ends, the artists’ names are revealed, potentially to feed a last-minute bidding frenzy, but as Salley points out, “It doesn’t affect bidding that much. All the art is good and generates a lot of bids before the reveal.”

All the proceeds from Undercover Artists goes to benefit Camp To Be Independent, Walton Foundation’s annual camp for children and young adults ages 8 to 21 with an acquired brain injury.

More than 100 local artists, community leaders and celebrities have donated original pieces of art to this year’s event.

“We supply the canvases,” says Salley, “and this year we have two different sizes, 12x12 and 12x16.”

The list of artists includes everyone from local-regional favorites to Mayor Deke Copenhaver and several local physicians. In addition to the pieces provided by the many participating artists, The Band Art Project, which was held in February, has donated all the art created at that event. The larger canvases up for auction are from The Band Art Project, and include work from local artists Rob Forbes, Stephanie Forbes, Leonard “Porkchop” Zimmerman, billy s, Jay Jacobs, Ruth Pearl, Miles Kilpatrick, Jordan Tejeda, Jack Lowery, Carrie Brooks, Cathy Tiller, Lane Peters, Brian Stewart, Jesse Lee Vaughn, Andy Bullard, Blaine Prescott and Austin Peters.

This year’s “signature artist” is Carrie Burns Brown from Greenville, South Carolina.

“She’s great!” gushed Salley, “I don’t know if she wants me to mention it or not, but she’s in her 80s and she’s still teaching and still showing art!”

Another part of the benefit is a raffle. Tickets may be purchased for $50 per raffle ticket, or three for $100 (participants need not be present to win) and again, all proceeds go toward Camp To Be Independent. Included in the prize package is a painting by award-winning artist Carrie Burns Brown, two nights at APRIL 2012 | METRO AUGUSTA PARENT

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the Courtyard Downtown Greenville on June 22-24, a three course before-theater dinner for two at the award-winning Rick Erwin’s West End Grille, two tickets to the Broadway sensation “The Lion King” at the Peace Center on Friday, June 22, two “meet and greet” passes to visit with Lady A and take photos before the show, and two VIP tickets to see Lady Antebellum at the Bi-Lo Center on Saturday, June 23.

As always, this year has an exciting theme to set the mood for the event, and to serve as an inspiration for the food and cocktails. This year’s theme is “An Evening in Tuscany,” featuring limoncello “mARTinis,” food by Jennifer Shuford, plus music by Daddy Grace and the Henrys.

The Sixth Annual Undercover Artists Show is presented by Medequip and is held in conjunction with the Georgia Artists With Disabilities Juried Show, on display at Walton Rehabilitation Hospital during the month of April.

Sixth Annual Undercover Artists Show Walton Rehabilitation Hospital grounds Thursday, April 12 7 p.m. $50 706-826-5809 wrh.org

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METRO AUGUSTA PARENT | APRIL 2012

overTIME Part II of Metro Augusta Parent’s 2012 Camp Guide

Last month, Metro Augusta Parent published Part I of our annual Summer Camp Guide.

And if you thought that list was impressive, get a load of Part II. It includes everything from traditional summer camps and every kind of arts camp you can imagine to specialty camps in subjects like cake decorating and even courses to help your teen prepare for the college admission process. Heck, we’ve even included area and regional overnight camps.

Armed with this list, you can rest assured that you’ll never have to hear the words “But there’s nothing to do!” this summer.

ARTS

Art 101 Camp For: 7th-12th graders When: June 25-28, 9-11:30 a.m.

Where: Curtis Baptist Christian School Activities: Participants will learn the basics of pastel and watercolor while making props for the musical dessert theater production on Friday.

Cost: $100 Contact: 706-828-6624 or curtisbaptistchristianschool.org Art Extreme When: June 11-15 for ages 7-10; July 23-27 for ages 11-14. Both are from 9 a.m.-noon.

Where: The Kroc Center.

Activities: Campers will explore drawing, painting, collage and sculpture.

Cost: $125 a week, members; $150, members. Additional half-day from noon-3 p.m. that includes lunch and swimming is $50 for members and $75 for non-members. Contact: 706-364-KROC or krocaugusta.org

also explores composition and color techniques.

Cost: $125 a week, members; $150, non-members. Additional half-day from noon-3 p.m. that includes lunch and swimming is $50 for members and $75 for non-members.

Contact: 706-364-KROC or krocaugusta.org Evolution of Hip Hop Dance When: June 18-22 for ages 7-10; June 25-29 for ages 11-14, from 9 a.m.-noon.

Where: The Kroc Center Activities: Campers will learn about the art, culture, history and dance of hip hop.

Cost: $125 a week, members; $150, non-members. Additional half-day from noon-3 p.m. that includes lunch and swimming is $50 for members and $75 for non-members.

Contact: 706-364-KROC or krocaugusta.org Gertrude Herbert Institute of Art Afternoon Art Camp For: Ages 5-12 When: June 25-29, July 9-13 and July 16-20 from 12:45-2:45 p.m. at GHIA’s downtown headquarters Activities: Campers will explore specific mediums of art, including clay, weaving and photography. Morning campers are welcome to stay for afternoon sessions and should pack a brown bag lunch.

Cost: $65 per week for GHIA members, $80 per week for non-members Contact: 706-722-5495 or ghia.org Gertrude Herbert Institute of Art Morning Art Camp

Artsy Me Summer Arts Camps For: All ages When: Six one-week camp sessions between June 4-July 20 Contact: 706-432-6396 or artsymestudio.com Collage Creative Arts Camp For: Rising K-5th graders When: May 21-25 at the Vineyard, 3126 Parrish Rd.; June 11-15 and June 18-22 at Woodlawn UMC, 2220 Walton Way. All three camps are from 9 a.m.-1 p.m.

Activities: The Friends of the Augusta Symphony sponsor this hands-on day camp in its 31st year. Participants are introduced to musical instruments, drama, art, weaving, chorus, movement, puppetry, storytelling and creative writing.

Cost: $125; registration deadline is May 14 for week one and June 4 for weeks two and three.

Contact: Sue Alexanderson, 706-738-7527 or walexanderson@comcast.net, or the Augusta Symphony at 706-826-4705 or soaugusta.org Crazy With Clay For: Ages 7-14 When: June 4-8 for ages 7-10; July 16-20 for ages 11-14. Both are from 9 a.m.-noon.

Where: The Kroc Center Activities: Campers will learn the basics of ceramics as they hand-build, fire and glaze their own creations.

Cost: $125 a week, members; $150, non-members. Additional half-day from noon-3 p.m. that includes lunch and swimming is $50 for members and $75 for non-members.

Contact: 706-364-KROC or krocaugusta.org Dance Camp For: Ages 3-8 When: June 11-15, 9:30 a.m.-noon Cost: $80, with a $25 registration fee for non-current students Contact: stdancers@aol.com Drawing Explosion For: Ages 7-12 When: July 9-13, from 9 a.m.-noon Where: The Kroc Center Activities: Campers will use a pencil to render forms, values and textures in a camp that APRIL 2012 | METRO AUGUSTA PARENT

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For: Ages 5-12 When: Six one-week sessions. Columbia County sessions: June 4-8, June 11-15 and June 18-22. Downtown Augusta sessions: June 25-29, July 9-13, July 16-20. All classes meet from 10 a.m.-noon.

Where: The Quest Church and Gertrude Herbert Institute of Art Activities: Campers will explore the theme “The World of Imagination,” creating projects inspired by the art of Vincent van Gogh, Jan van Eyck, Larry Rivers, Lenora Carrington and more. Curriculum choices in each session include different mediums from drawing and painting to mixed media and sculpture. All supplies provided.

Cost: $65 per week for GHIA members, $80 per week for non-members Contact: 706-722-5495 or ghia.org Lights, Camera, Action! Drama Camp For: 3rd-6th graders When: June 25-28, 9-11:30 a.m.

Where: Curtis Baptist Christian School Activities: Participants will learn theater basics and musical production concepts, and will stage a dessert theater musical performance on Friday.

Cost: $100 Contact: 706-828-6624 or curtisbaptistchristianschool.org Next Stop Broadway For: Rising 1st-9th graders When: June 4-8; Drama Camp is 8:30 a.m.-12:30 p.m.; Show Choir and Art Camps, 1-3 p.m.

Where: Greenbrier High School Activities: Drama Camp participants will participate in acting, music, dance, film and other classes and that camp will culminate with a performance of “Disney’s Cinderella Kids” on Friday, June 8, at 5 and 7 p.m. (tickets for the shows are $5 for students and $8 for adults). Show Choir Camp will concentrate on choreography and music, with a short performance Friday, June 8, at 2:30 p.m. Art Camp will focus on 2-D and 3-D art, with an exhibition during Friday’s performances.

Cost: Drama Camp, $75; Show Choir and Art Camps, $40 Contact: 706-650-6040 or ghspackplayers.net Say Cheese! Photography Camp For: 1st-2nd graders When: June 25-28, 9-11:30 a.m.

Where: Curtis Baptist Christian School Activities: Participants will learn photography basics and need to bring their own digital camera Cost: $100 Contact: 706-828-6624 or curtisbaptistchristianschool.org Summer Dance Intensives For: Dancers ages 8 and over When: June 4-July 27 Where: Columbia County Ballet Contact: 706-860-1852 or columbiacountyballet.com Tinkerbell & Belle Summer Dance Camp For: Dancers ages 3-7 When: June 4-July 27 Where: Columbia County Ballet Activities: A celebration of the magic of fairy tales and dance Contact: 706-860-1852 or columbiacountyballet.com

EDUCATIONAL

Math Review/Preview Camp For: 1st-5th graders When: Weekly sessions: June 4-8 and July 16-20, from 3-5 p.m.; June 11-15 and July 23-27, from 1-3 p.m. Once a week options include Wednesdays, June 13-25, from 3-5 p.m.

Where: M.A.E.S. Education Center, 4116 Evans-to-Locks Rd. Cost: $195 Contact: 706-860-8585 or maeseducationcenter.com Middle School Math Review/Preview Camp For: 6th-8th graders When: Weekly sessions: June 11-15, June 18-22 and July 16-20 from 3-5 p.m.; July 9-13, from 1-3 p.m. Once a week options include Wednesdays, June 13-25, from 1-3 p.m.

Where: M.A.E.S. Education Center, 4116 Evans-to-Locks Rd. Cost: $195 Contact: 706-860-8585 or maeseducationcenter.com Middle School Writers Workshop and Grammar Review Camp For: 6th-8th graders When: Weekly sessions: June 11-15, June 18-22 and July 16-20, from 1-3 p.m.; July 9-13,

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from 3-5 p.m. Once a week options include Thursdays, June 14-26, from 1-3 p.m.

Where: M.A.E.S. Education Center, 4116 Evans-to-Locks Rd. Cost: $195 Contact: 706-860-8585 or maeseducationcenter.com Reading Comprehension Camp For: 1st-5th graders When: Weekly sessions: June 4-8, June 11-15 and July 16-20, from 1-3 p.m.; July 23-27, from 3-5 p.m. Once a week options include Thursdays, June 14-26, from 3-5 p.m. Where: M.A.E.S. Education Center, 4116 Evans-to-Locks Rd. Cost: $195 Contact: 706-860-8585 or maeseducationcenter.com Roving Reporters Literary Camp For: 1st-5th graders When: July 9-13, 9-11:30 a.m.

Where: Curtis Baptist Christian School Activities: Participants will explore investigative journalism and creative writing Cost: $100 Contact: 706-828-6624 or curtisbaptistchristianschool.org Solar Seekers Camp For: 1st-5th graders When: July 9-13, 9-11:30 a.m.

Where: Curtis Baptist Christian School Activities: A math and science camp for elementary school students, who will explore the solar system and build a planet.

Cost: $100 Contact: 706-828-6624 or curtisbaptistchristianschool.org Study Skills and Organization Camp For: 6th-9th graders When: July 30-August 2, from 1-3 p.m. Private sessions available.

Where: M.A.E.S. Education Center, 4116 Evans-to-Locks Rd. Cost: $185 Contact: 706-860-8585 or maeseducationcenter.com

SPECIALTY

Aiken Family Y Specialty Camps For: Ages 5-12 When: Sports Camp, June 11-15, June 25-29, July 9-13, July 23-27 and August 6-10; Dance Camp, June 25-29 and July 23-27; Art Camp, June 4-8, June 18-22, July 2-6 (no camp on July 4), July 16-20, July 30-August 3; Waterworks, weekly sessions June 4-August 6; Golf Camp, June 18-22.

Where: Family Y of Aiken County Cost: $110 per week for members; $150 for non-members.

Contact: 706-922-9622 or thefamilyy.org Augusta Jewish Community Center Specialty Camps For: 3-13-year-olds When: One-week sessions are from May 21-August 3, 9 a.m.-3 p.m.

Where: Augusta Jewish Community Center Activities: Campers will participate in specialty activities in the morning, which may include fashion, self-defense, cooking, tennis, drama, archery, cheerleading, soccer, science, 3-D art and jazz. Afternoons will be spent doing age-appropriate, traditional-camp activities, including swimming.

Contact: 706-228-3636 or augustajcc.org Boys Adventure Day Camp For: Ages 7-14 When: Weekly sessions May 21-August 6. 9 a.m.-4 p.m.

Where: Camp Lakeside Activities: Standard activities each week will include songs and games, horseshoes, nature hikes and swimming. Other activities, such as team sports, individual sports and exploration activities, will change from week to week.

Cost: $120, members; $150, non-members Contact: 706-922-9622 or thefamilyy.org Cake Decorating Camp For: 6th-12th graders When: June 25-28, 9-11:30 a.m.

Where: Curtis Baptist Christian School Activities: Participants will learn the basics of cake decorating design and will make the goodies served at the Lights, Camera, Action! Drama Camp’s dessert theater production on Friday Cost: $100 METRO AUGUSTA PARENT | APRIL 2012

Contact: 706-828-6624 or curtisbaptistchristianschool.org Episcopal Day School Specialty Camps When: June 11-15, June 18-22, June 25-29, July 9-13, July 16-20 and July 23-27.

Activities: Specialty camp subjects include art, cheerleading, cooking, jump start to first grade, holiday and summer fun, disc golf, Garret Siler basketball, Lego, feathered friends and technology.

Contact: Julie Kneuker at 706-733-1192 or visit edsaugusta.com Girls Adventure Day Camp For: Ages 7-14 When: Weekly sessions May 21-August 6. 9 a.m.-4 p.m.

Where: Camp Lakeside Activities: Standard activities each week will include songs and games, horseshoes, nature hikes and swimming. Other activities, such as sports, creative arts and healthy lifestyle activities, will change from week to week.

Cost: $120, members; $150, non-members.

Contact: 706-922-9622 or thefamilyy.org North Augusta Family Y Specialty Camps For: Ages 5-12 When: Dance Camp, June 11-15; Art Camp, June 18-22 and July 30-August 3; Sports Galore Camp, June 25-29 and July 23-27; Drama Camp, June 2-6 (no camp on July 4); Baking Camp, July 9-13; Construction Camp, July 16-20 Where: Mossy Creek Elementary School Cost: $90 per week for members; $120 for non-members.

Contact: 706-922-9622 or thefamilyy.org Outdoor Education Adventure Camp For: 6th-12th graders When: June 25-28, 9-11:30 a.m.

Where: Curtis Baptist Christian School Activities: Participants will learn outdoor skills include campfire cooking, survival skills and knot tying Cost: $150 Contact: 706-828-6624 or curtisbaptistchristianschool.org

SPORTS

Disc Golf Camp For: Rising 3rd graders and up When: July 9-13, 9 a.m.-1 p.m.

Where: Episcopal Day School Activities: Campers will learn the basic rules, terminology and equipment necessary to play disc golf. Camp includes two discs, two field trips and a pizza party hosted by Killer B Disc Golf Shop.

Cost: $125, if paid by May 11; $140 after Contact: Julie Kneuker at 706-733-1192, ext. 333, email jkneuker@edsaugusta.com or visit edsaugusta.com Garret Siler’s Basketball Camp For: Ages 9-16

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When: July 16-20, 8:30 a.m.-3:30 p.m.

Where: Episcopal Day School Activities: Campers learn the fundamentals from former NBA player and Augusta native Garret Siler, as well as ASU Assistant Men’s Basketball Coach Jamie Quarles.

Cost: $180. Includes daily lunch.

Contact: Julie Kneuker at 706-733-1192, ext. 333, email jkneuker@edsaugusta.com or visit edsaugusta.com Golf Camp For: Ages 6-17 When: June 18-22 and July 16-20, 9 a.m.-1 p.m.

Where: Wedges and Woods Driving Range and Teaching Facility Activities: Golf fundamentals taught by certified instructions and PGA pros. Camp ends with a nine-hole tournament at Forest Hills.

Cost: $149 per week, members; $189, non-members Contact: 706-922-9622 or thefamilyy.org Middle School Basketball Camp For: Boys and girls entering 4th-8th grades When: June 18-21, 9-11:30 a.m.

Where: Curtis Baptist Christian School, Cheeks Gym Activities: Participants should bring three bottles of water each day Cost: $100 Contact: 706-828-6624 or curtisbaptistchristianschool.org Soccer Camp For: Boys entering 7th-12th grades When: June 18-21, 9-11:30 a.m.

Where: Curtis Baptist Christian School, Cheeks Gym Activities: Participants should bring three bottles of water each day Cost: $100 Contact: 706-828-6624 or curtisbaptistchristianschool.org

TEEN

Counselor In Training Camp For: Ages 15-17 When: May 21-June 8 and June 11-29. 9 a.m.-4 p.m.

Where: Camp Lakeside Activities: A three-week day camp leadership program designed to train future leaders Cost: $240, members; $315, non-members Contact: 706-922-9622 or thefamilyy.org CSI: Calculation, Science and Investigation Camp For: 6th-12th graders When: July 9-13, 9-11:30 a.m.

Where: Curtis Baptist Christian School Activities: A math and science camp for high school students, who will explore weather, forensics and more.

Cost: $100 Contact: 706-828-6624 or curtisbaptistchristianschool.org

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Intensive SAT/ACT Prep Camp When: May 21-25; 1-4 p.m., reading comprehension and writing; 4-5:30 p.m., math.

Where: M.A.E.S. Education Center, 4116 Evans-to-Locks Rd. Cost: $425, reading and writing; $215, math; $620, both Contact: 706-860-8585 or maeseducationcenter.com Leaders In Training For: Ages 13-17 When: May 29-June 1 and June 4-8. 9 a.m.-4 p.m. daily.

Where: Wilson Family Y Activities: A camp that teaches teens to become future leaders, LIT includes CPR/first aid training, fitness, character development and other skills. Participants are also required to volunteer for at least five weeks during the summer.

Cost: $110, members; $150, non-members Contact: 706-922-9622 or thefamilyy.org Leaders In Training For: Ages 13-17 When: Weekly sessions June 4-August 6. 9 a.m.-4 p.m. daily.

Where: Mossy Creek Elementary School Activities: A camp that teaches teens to become future leaders, LIT includes playing games and acquiring skills for personal character development.

Cost: $60, members; $75, non-members Contact: 706-922-9622 or thefamilyy.org Math 1 and Math 2 Review/Preview Camp When: July 23-27, from 3-5 p.m.

Where: M.A.E.S. Education Center, 4116 Evans-to-Locks Rd. Cost: $295 Contact: 706-860-8585 or maeseducationcenter.com Roving Reporters Literary Camp When: July 9-13, 9-11:30 a.m.

Where: Curtis Baptist Christian School Activities: Participants will explore investigative journalism and creative writing Cost: $100 Contact: 706-828-6624 or curtisbaptistchristianschool.org SAT/ACT Math Camp When: Weekly sessions: June 18-22 and July 9-13 from 1-3 p.m. Once a week options are Tuesdays, June 12-July 24, from 3-5 or 5:30-7:30 p.m.

Where: M.A.E.S. Education Center, 4116 Evans-to-Locks Rd. Cost: $295 Contact: 706-860-8585 or maeseducationcenter.com SAT/ACT Reading Comprehension Camp When: Weekly sessions: June 4-8, July 9-13, July 16-20, 3-5 p.m. Once a week options include Mondays, June 11-July 23 from 3-5 p.m.

Where: M.A.E.S. Education Center, 4116 Evans-to-Locks Rd. Cost: $295 Contact: 706-860-8585 or maeseducationcenter.com SAT/ACT Writing Camp When: Weekly sessions: June 18-22 and July 9-13, 1-3 p.m. Once a week options include Wednesdays, June 15-July 27, from 1-3 p.m.

Where: M.A.E.S. Education Center, 4116 Evans-to-Locks Rd. Cost: $295 Contact: 706-860-8585 or maeseducationcenter.com Study Skills and Organizational Strategies Camp When: July 30-August 2, from 1-3 p.m. Private sessions also available.

Where: M.A.E.S. Education Center, 4116 Evans-to-Locks Rd. Cost: $295 Contact: 706-860-8585 or maeseducationcenter.com Teen Leadership Camp For: Ages 13-17 When: Weekly sessions from May 21-August 6 Where: Wilson Family Y Activities: This camp will foster independence, accountability and leadership and provide activities to instill healthy habits.

Cost: $110, members; $150, non-members Contact: 706-922-9622 or thefamilyy.org Teen Leadership Camp For: Ages 13-17

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When: Weekly sessions from May 21-August 6 Where: Y130 Center in at the Family Y Thomson Activities: This camp will foster independence, accountability and leadership and provide activities to instill healthy habits.

Cost: $65, members; $75, non-members Contact: 706-922-9622 or thefamilyy.org Writing College Application Camp When: July 30-August 3, from 3-5 p.m. Private sessions also available.

Where: M.A.E.S. Education Center, 4116 Evans-to-Locks Rd. Cost: $295 Contact: 706-860-8585 or maeseducationcenter.com

TRADITIONAL

Augusta Jewish Community Center Day Camp For: 3-13-year-olds When: One-week sessions are from May 21-August 3, 9 a.m.-3 p.m.

Where: Augusta Jewish Community Center Activities: Campers will participate in activities including swimming, tennis, archery, taekwondo and arts and crafts.

Contact: 706-228-3636 or augustajcc.org Augusta Jewish Community Center Mini Camp For: 3-4-year-olds When: One-week sessions are from May 21-August 3, 9 a.m.-1 p.m.

Where: Augusta Jewish Community Center Activities: Campers will participate in activities including swimming, arts and crafts and other age-related activities.

Contact: 706-228-3636 or augustajcc.org Camp Aiken For: Ages 5-12 When: Weekly sessions from June 4-August 6. 9 a.m.-4 p.m. daily.

Where: Family Y of Aiken County Activities: Arts and crafts, games and sports, field trips, swimming, devotions and character development activities.

Cost: $110 per week for Family Y members; $150 for non-members Contact: 706-922-9622 or thefamilyy.org

Camp Augusta South For: Ages 5-12 When: Weekly sessions from May 21-August 6. 9 a.m.-4 p.m. daily.

Where: Family Y of Augusta South Activities: Arts and crafts, games, songs, interactive skits and character development Cost: $75 a week, members; $95 a week, non-members Contact: 706-922-9622 or thefamilyy.org Camp Marshall For: Ages 5-12 When: Weekly sessions from May 21-July 30. 9 a.m.-4 p.m. daily.

Where: Wesley United Methodist Church Activities: Arts and crafts, games, sports, devotions and character development Cost: $85 per week for Family Y members; $110 for non-members Contact: 706-922-9622 or thefamilyy.org Camp North Augusta For: Ages 5-12 When: Weekly sessions from June 4-August 6. 9 a.m.-4 p.m. daily.

Where: Mossy Creek Elementary School Activities: Arts and crafts, games and sports, devotions and character development Cost: $80 per week for Family Y members; $110 for non-members Contact: 706-922-9622 or thefamilyy.org Camp North Jefferson For: Ages 5-14 When: Weekly sessions from May 21-July 23. 9 a.m.-4 p.m. daily.

Where: North Jefferson Family YMCA Activities: Arts and crafts, games, songs and character development activities Cost: $75 per week, members; $95, non-members Contact: 706-922-9622 or thefamilyy.org Camp Southside Tubman For: Ages 8-12 When: Weekly sessions from May 21-July 30. 9 a.m.-4 p.m. daily.

Where: Southside Tubman Branch Family Y Activities: Arts and crafts, games, songs, interactive skits and character development

A FIRST CLASS STEAKHOUSE WITH 152 ROOMS. We age our own steaks for 28 days, grow our own herbs and make our own sauces.

Experience our table side salads Washington Road at I-20 | 1069 Stevens Creek Road | Augusta

APRIL 2012 | METRO AUGUSTA PARENT

METRO SPIRIT 04.12.12 11

Cost: $75 per week, members; $95, non-members Contact: 706-922-9622 or thefamilyy.org Camp Wilson For: Ages 7-12 When: Weekly sessions from May 21-August 6. 9 a.m.-4 p.m. daily.

Where: Wilson Branch Family Y Activities: Campers begin and end the day in a traditional camp setting then choose a break-out session to attend. Sessions differ for each week’s session and may include acrobats, aqua-fun, arts & crafts, baseball, basketball, cheerleading, dance, drama, flag football, science & nature, soccer, summer Olympics, waterworks and What a Girl Wants.

Cost: $110 per week for Family Y members; $150 for non-members Contact: 706-922-9622 or thefamilyy.org Camp Y130 For: Ages 5-12 When: Weekly sessions from May 21-August 6. 9 a.m.-4 p.m. daily.

Where: Y130 in Thomson Activities: visual art activities, music, games, sports, devotions, character building, outdoor activities and swimming Cost: $75 a week, members; $95, non-members Contact: 706-922-9622 or thefamilyy.org Kinder Day Camp For: Ages 5-6 When: Weekly sessions May 21-August 6. 9 a.m.-4 p.m.

Where: Camp Lakeside Activities: Campers will participate in activities that include canoeing, archery, swimming, nature hikes, arts and crafts and sports, and will have a story time rest break in the middle of the day.

Cost: $120, members; $150, non-members Contact: 706-922-9622 or thefamilyy.org Kroc Center Camps For: Ages 5-12 When: Weekly sessions: The Amazing Race, May 21-25; Challenge Week, May 28-June 1; Raiders of the Lost Kroc, June 4-8; Hawaiian Hullabaloo, June 11-15; Water World, June 18-22; Kroc Star Olympics, June 25-29; Too Fit to Quit, July 2-6; Christmas in July, July 9-13; Emergency Services, July 16-20; Game Show Mania, July 23-27; Tons of Talent, July 30-August 3; Everything ’80s, August 6-10; Around the World, August 13-17. This is an all-day camp, with early drop off at 7 a.m. and late pick up by 6 p.m. available.

Activities: Campers will participate in themed events, and will participate in other activities such as swimming. Lunch and a snack will be provided.

Cost: $125 a week, members; $150, non-members Contact: 706-364-KROC or krocaugusta.org Little Tykes Mini Camp For: Ages 3-4 (must be potty trained) When: Weekly sessions from May 21-July 30, from 9 a.m.-12:30 p.m.

Where: Wilson Branch Family Y Activities: Arts and crafts, games, outside time and swimming Cost: $55 per week, members; $75, non-members Contact: 706-922-9622 or thefamilyy.org Lower School Camps When: Fly Away With Me Art Camp (rising 1st-5th graders), June 11-15; June Jingle Jangle (rising 1st-5th graders), June 18-22; Camp Fun-to-Read! (rising 1st-2nd graders), June 25-29; Lights, Camera, Action! (rising 3rd-5th graders), June 25-29; ASU Cheer Camp (rising 1st-5th graders), July 9-13; Bricks 4 Kids Star Wars Camp (rising 1st-5th graders), July 9-13; Around the World in Five Days Art Camp (rising 1st-5th graders), July 16-20; Jump Start First Grade (rising 1st graders), July 23-27; International Culinary Creations, rising 2nd-5th graders), July 23-27. All camps are from 9 a.m.-1 p.m.

Where: Episcopal Day School Cost: $110, if paid by May 11; $125 after. Fly Away With Me, Around the World in Five Days and International Culinary Creations camps, which include field trips, are $125 by May 11 and $140 after.

Contact: Julie Kneuker at 706-733-1192, ext. 333, email jkneuker@edsaugusta.com or visit edsaugusta.com Preschool Camps When: Bricks 4 Kids Pirates Arrrrdventures Camp (rising PK and K), June 11-15; Welcome to the Jungle (rising 3s, PK and K), June 18-22; Our Feathered Friends (rising PK and K), June 25-29; Fireside Fun (rising 3s, PK and K), July 9-13; Summer Fun (rising 3s, PK and K), July 16-20; Fun with Fish (rising 3s and PK), July 23-27; Kindergartners in the Kitchen, July 23-27. All camps are from 9 a.m.-1 p.m.

Where: Episcopal Day School

Cost: $110, if paid by May 11; $125 after Contact: Julie Kneuker at 706-733-1192, ext. 333, email jkneuker@edsaugusta.com or visit edsaugusta.com Summer Experience For: Age 4 When: Weekly sessions from May 21-July 30. 9 a.m.-4 p.m. daily.

Where: Family Y Child Development Center.

Activities: education enrichment activities.

Cost: $90 a week, members; $100, non-members.

Contact: 706-922-9622 or thefamilyy.org Traditional Camp For: Ages 5-6 When: Weekly sessions from May 21-July 30. 9 a.m.-4 p.m. daily.

Where: Wilson Branch Family Y Activities: Arts and crafts, games, sports and swimming.

Cost: $110 per week for members; $150 for non-members Contact: 706-922-9622 or thefamilyy.org

OVERNIGHT

Athens Y Camp for Boys Tallulah Falls, GA, 706-754-6912, athensycamps.org An ACA-accredited Christian-based camp for boys with several options. Available are a traditional Resident Summer Camp for ages 7-14, a Boys Day Camp, a beginner level adventure camp (XTREMIST) for ages 12-14 and a leadership program for boys ages 14-15 (Servant Leader Training) or boys ages 15-16 (Leader in Training).

Cost: Contact for more information Athens YWCO Camp for Girls Clarkesville, GA 706-754-8528, athensywcocamp.com This ACA-accredited girls-only camp includes traditional Resident Camp in one- or two-week sessions, as well as Horseback Specialty Program and a Counselor-in-Training Program.

Cost: Prices ranges from $690-$1,510 depending on program, length of stay and receipt of registration.

Camp Barney Medintz Cleveland, GA 678-812-3844 (September 1-June 1) or 706-865-2715 (June 1-September 1), campbarney.org ACA-accredited Jewish co-ed camp for those who have completed grades 2-10. The many activities include tennis, mountain biking, rope courses, art and theater, and lots of water sports like water-skiing, jet skiing and knee boarding.

Cost: Prices range from $2,550-$4,950 Camp Chattooga for Girls Tallulah Falls, GA 706-754-6912, athensycamps.org This ACA-accredited Christian Y-camp for girls is for ages 7-16. Programs for this girls’ camp are identical to the Athens Y Boys Camp, except that the Girls Camp doesn’t offer the age 14-15 Servant Leader Training program.

Cost: Contact for more information Camp Lakeside Strom Thurmond Lake, 706-922-9622 or thefamilyy.org Week-long and half-week specialty camps for those ages 9-12 are June 3-9, June 10-16, June 17-23 and June 24-30; Tiny Trekkers Camp for those ages 7-8 is July 4-7; A Boys Only Pioneers Primitive Camp for those ages 9-11 is July 8-12; A Boys Only Adventurers Primitive Camp for those ages 12-14 is July 15-19; a Girls Only Explorers Camp for those ages 9-14 is July 22-26; and leaders In Training two-week program for ages 15-17 is June 17-30.

Cost: Ranges from $180-$375, depending on age and length of stay Camp To Be Independent Camp Twin Lakes, Rutledge, GA, 706-826-5809, wrh.org/camptbi Camp To Be Independent is a week-long overnight camp for those ages 8-21 with traumatic brain injuries that will be held July 15-20. Presented by the Walton Foundation for Independence, activities include arts and crafts, outdoor recreation and more.

Cost: Free with accepted application.

Girl Scout Camps Various locations, 706-863-0764, gshg.org Nine camps located throughout Georgia in which girls 6-17 are divided by age groups and themes for resident camps throughout the summer. Camps include Camp Tanglewood in Columbia County, which offers week-long resident and day camps. Girls do not have to be members of Girl Scouts to attend, but will receive a discount if they are.

Cost: Contact for more information

ENTERTAIN

ME

Godsmack (pictured above) and Staind kick of their Mass Chaos Tour on Friday, April 13, at 6:30 p.m. at the James Brown Arena. Special guest Halestorm will also perform. Tickets are $39.50-$45 and they’re going fast. Call 877-4AUGTIX or visit georgialinatix.com.

Arts

Art at Lunch: Linda Hartough, in which the artist discusses her work, is Friday, April 13, at noon at the Morris Museum of Art. $10, members; $14, non-members. Pre-registration required. Call 706-724-7501 or visit themorris.org.

Sunday Sketch, a free event that allows participants to sketch in the galleries with provided materials, is Sunday, April 15, at 2 p.m. at the Morris Museum of Art. Call 706-724-7501 or visit themorris.org.

Mad Potters End of the Semester Pottery Sale is Wednesday, April 18, through Friday, April 20, from 9 a.m.-4:30 p.m. at the front entrance of Augusta State under the white tents. Visit aug.edu.

Exhibitions

Window on the West: Views from the American Frontier, an exhibition of more than 60 paintings and works on paper from artists including Frederick Remington, Karl Bodmer and John James Audubon, shows at the Morris Museum of Art through July 22. Call 706-724-7501 or visit themorris.org.

Georgia Artists with Disabilities Juried Art Show shows the month of April at Walton Rehabilitation Health System. Call 706-826-5809 or visit wrh.org.

Georgia’s Coastal Isles: Landscapes, Plants & Architecture, an exhibition by Ann Marie Dalis, shows at Sacred Heart Cultural Center through April 30. Call 706-826-4700 or visit sacredheartaugusta.org.

Fore! Images in Golf Art, featuring 25 paintings, V. 23 | NO. 15

photographs and drawings, shows through April 15 at the Morris Museum of Art. Featured artists include LeRoy Neiman, Will Barnet, Tim Clark and Ray Ellis. Call 706-724-7501 or visit themorris.org.

series of five concerts before the regular season begins in May. The concert is Sunday, April 15, at the 8th Street River Stage downtown at 7 p.m. $6. Visit gardencityjazz.com.

Music

Greater Augusta Youth Orchestra Concert is Monday, April 16, at 7 p.m. at ASU’s Maxwell Theatre. Call 706-737-1453 or visit aug.edu.

Tim O’Shields: My Story, My Music, My Passion is Thursday, April 12, at 7:30 p.m. at the Imperial Theatre. $16-$26. Call 706-722-8341 or visit imperialtheatre.com.

The Mass Chaos Tour with Godsmack, Staind and Halestorm is Friday, April 13, at 6:30 p.m. at the James Brown Arena. $39.50-$45. Call 877-4AUGTIX or visit georgialinatix.com.

Moonlight Music Cruise featuring Joe Stevenson is Friday, April 13, at 6:30 p.m. at the Augusta Canal. Participants are invited to bring snacks and drinks to the one and a half hour Petersburg Boat cruise. $25. Call 706-823-0440 or visit augustacanal.com.

The Augusta Choral Society is offering a $300 scholarship to high school seniors who have contributed their vocal musical talents to the area. The application, due April 14, is available online, as is further criteria. Call 706-826-4713 or visit augustachoralsociety.org.

Columbia County Choral Society Meet and Greet for prospective new members is Tuesday, April 17, at 6:30 p.m. at First Baptist Church of Evans.

Rehearsals for the final concert of the season will also begin that night at 7 p.m. Call 706-6502311 or visit ccchoralsociety.org.

ASU Jazz Ensemble performs Tuesday, April 17, at 7:30 p.m. at the Maxwell Theatre. $5. Call 706667-4100 or visit aug.edu.

ASU Wind Ensemble performs Thursday, April 19, at 7:30 p.m. at the Maxwell Theatre. $5. Call 706-667-4100 or visit aug.edu.

Literary

of Beasts” by Erik Larson, is April 16 at 6:30 p.m. at the Columbia County Library. Call 706863-1946 or visit ecgrl.org.

Peaceful Parenting Book Club meets Monday, April 16, at 7 p.m. at Earth Fare. Call 706-2310022 or email andrea@auroralux.net.

Brown Bag Book Club, featuring “The Library of Shadows” by Mikkel Birkegaard, is Thursday, April 19, at 11:30 a.m. at the Columbia County Library. Call 706-863-1946 or visit ecgrl.org.

Book Club meeting, featuring “Heaven Is for Real”

by Todd Burpo, is Thursday, April 19, at 4 p.m. at the Harlem Branch Library. Call 706-556-9795 or visit ecgrl.org.

Book Club meeting, featuring “Reaching Back” by Nea Anna Simone, is Thursday, April 19, at 6:30 p.m. at the Headquarters Branch Library. Call 706-821-2600 or visit ecgrl.org.

Theater

Poetry Workshop with instructor Lucinda Clark is Saturday, April 14, at 1:30 p.m. at the Headquarters Branch Library. Call 706-8212600 or visit ecgrl.org.

“Twelfth Night,” a production of the Aiken Community Playhouse, shows April 13-14 and 20-21 at 8 p.m. and April 15 at 3 p.m. at the URS Center for the Performing Arts in Aiken. $7-$20.

Call 803-648-1438 or visit acp1011.com.

T. Hardy Morris and the Outfit perform Sunday, April 15, at 2 p.m. at the Morris Museum of Art as part of the Music at the Morris series. Free.

Call 706-724-7501 or visit themorris.org.

Talk the Talk Ladies Book Club will discuss “Woman in Red” by Eileen Goudge on Monday, April 16, at 6:30 p.m. at the Headquarters Branch Library. Call 706-821-2600 or visit ecgrl.org.

“Golden Goose,” a production of the Patchwork Players, shows Wednesday, April 18, at 9:30 and 10:30 a.m. at ASU’s Maxwell Theatre. $3. Call 706-667-4100 or visit aug.edu.

Preston & Weston & Sandra perform as part of Garden City Jazz’s Candlelight Jazz Preview, a

Monday Night Book Club, featuring “In the Garden METRO SPIRIT 04.12.12 21

Flix

Lunch and Learn Poetry Movie Series, featuring “Emily Dickinson: A Life,” is Thursday, April 12, at noon at the Headquarters Branch Library.

Participants are invited to bring a lunch. Call 706-821-2600 or visit ecgrl.org.

Health

Call 706-651-2229 or visit doctors-hospital.net.

April 12, at 11 a.m. at the GHSU Medical Office Building. Pre-registration required. Call 706-7212681 or visit georgiahealth.org.

Car Seat Class, sponsored by the GHSU Children’s Medical Center, is Thursday, April 12, at 5:45 p.m. at Building 1010C. $10. Preregistration required. Call 706-721-7606 or visit georgiahealth.org/kids.

Family Focused Childbirth Tour is Monday, April 16, at 2 p.m. at Trinity Hospital of Augusta. Preregistration required. Call 706-481-7727 or visit trinityofaugusta.com.

“Rio” shows Thursday, April 12, at 5 p.m. at the Harlem Branch Library as part of their Family Movie Night. Call 706-556-9795 or visit ecgrl.org.

Bariatric Seminar is Thursday, April 12, at 6 p.m. at Doctors Hospital. Free, but pre-registration required.

Call 706-651-4343 or visit doctors-hospital.net.

Total Joint Replacement Class meets Tuesday, April 17, at 1 p.m. at University Hospital. Call 706-774-2760 or visit universityhealth.org.

“The Adventures of Tintin” shows at the Aiken Public Library on Saturday, April 14, at 3 p.m. Call 803-642-2023 or visit abbe-lib.org.

Women’s Center Tour is Thursday, April 12, at 7 p.m. at University Hospital. Free, but preregistration required. Call 706-774-2825 or visit universityhealth.org.

Breastfeeding Class is Tuesday, April 17, at 7 p.m. at GHSU’s Medical Center. Preregistration required. Call 706-721-9351 or visit georgiahealth.org.

Center for Women Tour of the Family Centered Maternity Care Unit is Thursday, April 12, at 7 p.m. at Doctors Hospital. Pre-registration required. Call 706-651-2229 or visit doctors-hospital.net.

Showing and Glowing, a two-session class for those in their second trimester of pregnancy, meets Tuesdays, April 17 and 24, at 7 p.m. at Doctors Hospital. Pre-registration required. Call 706-651-2229 or visit doctors-hospital.net.

Look Good… Feel Better Support Group for women with cancer meets Monday, April 16, at 5 p.m. at the American Cancer Society office. Preregistration required. Call 706-731-9900 or visit universityhealth.org.

Using Your Brain Power, a presentation by Alzheimer’s Association Regional Program Director Kathy Tuckey, is Thursday, April 19, at 11:30 a.m. at Doctors Hospital. Pre-registration required. Call 706-651-6716 or visit doctorshospital.net.

Living with Breast Cancer meets Monday, April 16, at 6 p.m. at University Hospital’s Breast Health Center. Pre-registration required. Call 706-774-4141 or visit universityhealth.org.

“Melancholia” shows Tuesday, April 17, at 6 p.m. at the Headquarters Branch Library. Call 706821-2600 or visit ecgrl.org.

“Lunch Line” shows as part of the Southern Circuit Tour of Independent Filmmakers Wednesday, April 18, at 6 p.m. at the Morris Museum of Art. A Q&A session follows. Free for museum members; $3 for non-members. Call 706-724-7501 or visit themorris.org.

Special Events

Wine Tasting Seminar, with David Hyde of J Lohr Vineyards, is Friday, April 13, at 7 p.m. at Wine World in North Augusta. Participants will sample 11 wines. $15, with pre-registration required; $20 at the door, if space is available. Call 803279-9522 or visit wineworldsc.com.

Sally Ann Spring Lingerie Fashion Show is Saturday, April 14, at Sky City. Doors open at 8 p.m., and the show begins at 9:45 p.m.

Live music will be featured afterwards. Visit skycityaugusta.com.

Holocaust Memorial Observance, featuring speaker and Holocaust survivor Norbert Friedman, is Wednesday, April 18, at 6:45 p.m. at the Augusta Jewish Community Center. Preregistration required for groups. Call 706-2283636 or visit augustajcc.org.

Inshop Tasting is Thursday, April 19, from 5-8 p.m. at Wine World in North Augusta. $5, with a $3 rebate upon purchase. Call 803-279-9522 or visit wineworldsc.com.

Weight Loss Seminar is Thursday, April 12, at 7 p.m. at the Columbia County Library. Free, but pre-registration required. Call 706-721-2609 or visit georgiahealth.org/weightloss.

Babies, Bumps and Bruises, an infant CPR class, is Thursday, April 12, at 7 p.m. at Doctors Hospital. Pre-registration required. Call 706651-2229 or visit doctors-hospital.net.

Baby Care Basics and Breastfeeding Class is Friday, April 13, from 9 a.m.-noon at Trinity Hospital of Augusta. Pre-registration required.

Call 706-481-7727 or visit trinityofaugusta.com.

Weekend Childbirth Education Class meets Friday, April 13, from 6:30-9:30 p.m., and Saturday, April 14, from 9 a.m.-5:30 p.m. Preregistration required. Call 706-774-2825 or visit universityhealth.org.

Childbirth Tour at GHSU is Saturday, April 14, at 10:30 a.m. Pre-registration required. Call 706721-9351 or visit georgiahealth.org.

Grandmother’s Tea, an event for moms and grandmothers in which they will learn about the latest in maternity care, is Saturday, April 14, at 11:30 a.m. at Doctors Hospital. Gifts and door prizes will be offered. Pre-registration required.

Childbirth Education 101 is Thursday, April 19, at 6 p.m. at Trinity Hospital of Augusta. Preregistration required. Call 706-481-7727 or visit trinityofaugusta.com.

Nutrition and Cancer Class meets Thursday, April 19, at 6 p.m. at University Heart and Vascular Center. Pre-registration required. Visit universityhealth.org.

Breastfeeding Class is Thursday, April 19, at 7 p.m. at Babies R Us. Free, but preregistration required. Call 706-774-2825 or visit universityhealth.org.

Baby 101, a newborn care class, is Thursday, April 19, at 7 p.m. at Doctors Hospital. Preregistration required. Call 706-651-2229 or visit doctors-hospital.net.

Support

ALS Support Lunch and Learn is Thursday,

Breast Cancer Support Group is Thursday, April 12, at 5:30 p.m. at the GHSU Cancer Center. Call 706-721-4109 or visit georgiahealth.org.

Cancer Survivor Support Group meets Thursday, April 12, at 6 p.m. at Augusta Oncology Associates.

Call 706-651-2283 or visit doctors-hospital.net.

Brain Injury Support Group meets Thursday, April 12, at 6 p.m. at NeuroRestorative Georgia. Call 706-829-0370 or visit wrh.org.

Prostate Cancer Support Group meets Tuesday, April 17, at 6 p.m. at GHSU’s Cancer Center. Call 706-721-0550 or visit georgiahealth.org.

Prostate Cancer Support Group meets Tuesday, April 17, at 7 p.m. at Augusta Technical College.

Free, but pre-registration required. Call 706868-8758 or visit universityhealth.org.

Blood Cancer/BMT Support Group meets Wednesday, April 18, at 11:30 a.m. at GHSU’s Cancer Center. Call 706-721-9134 or 706-7211634, or visit georgiahealth.org.

Trauma Support Group meets Wednesday, April 18, at noon at GHSU’s Medical Center.

Call 706-721-4633 or 706-721-3264 or visit georgiahealth.org.

Spine Education and Support Group meets Wednesday, April 18, at 1 p.m. at University Hospital. Call 706-774-2760 or visit universityhealth.org.

Cremation is not as expensive as you think.

$995 Pre-pay for a complete Direct Cremation 22 METRO SPIRIT 04.12.12

706.798.8886 for details V. 23 | NO. 15

Look Good… Feel Better Cancer Support Group for women meets Thursday, April 19, at 5:30 p.m. at GHSU’s Cancer Center. Preregistration required. Call 706-721-0466 or visit georgiahealth.org.

Education

Introduction to Computers, Part A, is Thursday, April 12, at 6:30 p.m. at the Wallace Branch Library. Pre-registration required. Call 706-7226275 or visit ecgrl.org.

Ebooks and Georgia Download Destination Class is Friday, April 13, at 10 a.m. at the Diamond Lakes Branch Library. Pre-registration required.

Call 706-772-2432 or visit ecgrl.org.

Bible Teaching Seminar is Saturday, April 14, at noon at the Friedman Branch Library with a topic of Facing Life Without Worry. Participants should bring their Bibles. Call 706-691-4023 or visit http://donaldsao.com.

Platonic Justice and Distributed Knowledge, a lecture by St. John’s College’s Woody Belngia, is Tuesday, April 17, at 2:30 p.m. in N126 Allgood Hall. Admission is free to this Philosophy Lecture Series event. Call 706-737-1709 or visit aug.edu.

Sierra Club meets Tuesday, April 17, at 6:30 p.m. at the Unitarian Universalist Church and features oceanographer Dr. Jim Bowers of the NOAA Underwater Research Program, who will show slides and discuss his exploration of mid-water and abyssal depths of Lake Superior. Open to the public. Visit http://georgia.sierraclub.org/srg/ home.aspx.

Introduction to PowerPoint is Tuesday, April 17, at 6:30 p.m. at the Wallace Branch Library. Preregistration required. Call 706-722-6275 or visit ecgrl.org.

Keyboarding and Mouse Skills Class is Wednesday, April 18, at 10 a.m. at the Headquarters Branch Library. Pre-registration required. Call 706-821-2600 or visit egrl.org.

Boot Camp, a two-session beginning computer class, is Wednesday, April 18 and 25, from 10 a.m.-3:30 p.m. at the Columbia County Library.

Pre-registration is required. Call 706-863-1946 or visit ecgrl.org.

Beginners Computer Class is Wednesday, April 18, at 2:30 p.m. at the Headquarters Branch Library. Pre-registration required. Call 706-8212600 or visit egrl.org.

Internet Basics is a two-session class at the Diamond Lakes Branch Library that is Thursday, April 19 and May 3, at 10 a.m. Pre-registration required. Call 706-722-2432 or visit ecgrl.org.

Applications are now begin accepted for Leadership Columbia County’s Class of 2013.

Deadline for applications is Thursday, April 19, at 5 p.m. Call 706-651-0018 or visit columbiacountychamber.com.

Introduction to Word is Thursday, April 19, at 6:30 p.m. at the Wallace Branch Library. Preregistration required. Call 706-722-6275 or visit ecgrl.org.

Benefits

Undercover Artists Show, to benefit Camp To Be V. 23 | NO. 15

Independent, is Thursday, April 12, at 7 p.m. on the lawn of Walton Rehabilitation Health System.

More than 100 local artists, community leaders and celebrities have donated artwork to the event, and these works will be offered at silent auction anonymously. $50. Call 706-826-5809 or email alsalley@wrh.org.

Take Back the Day Walk to Prevent Sexual Violence is Saturday, April 14, with registration at 8 a.m. at the ASU Amphitheatre and the threemile walk beginning at 9 a.m. $5 for students, $10 for individual and $15 for families. Call 706724-5200, 706-737-1471 or 706-821-8282.

Volunteen Program application deadline is Sunday, April 15. The GHSU program is for students between 15-18 years who will spend six weeks during the summer doing hands-on work in an academic health center environment.

Call 706-721-3596, 706-721-7608 or visit georgiahealth.org/volunteer.

11th Annual Golf Classic, a fundraiser for the United Way of the CSRA, is Monday, April 16, at Jones Creek Golf Club. Players receive lunch before the tournament, as well as dinner from Outback Steakhouse. Call 706-724-5544 or email rpowell@uwcsra.org.

Jim Metts Memorial Car Show Pre-Show Dinner, to benefit the Evans Lions Club vision programs, is Thursday, April 19, at 5:30 p.m. at the Garlic Clove in Evans. $10 per person. The Car Show is Saturday, April 21, from 9 a.m.-3 p.m. at Academy Sports. Visit evanslionsclub.org.

16th Annual Take Back the Night Rally is Thursday, April 19, on the front lawn of ASU’s Maxwell Performing Arts Theatre with community information and activities from 6-7 p.m. and speakers and a candlelight campus walk from 7-8 p.m. Call 706-724-5200, 706-737-1471 or 706-821-8282.

Call us today at 706.667.9009

Sports-Outdoors

The National Collegiate Disc Golf Championships will be held Thursday, April 12-Sunday, April 15, at the Hippodrome in North Augusta.

In conjunction with the national collegiate competitive event will be the Savannah River Spring Fling on Saturday, April 14-Sunday, April 15, also at the Hippodrome. $10; $20 for vehicles with up to six people; $50 for vehicles with seven or more people. Call 706-722-8326.

The Augusta GreenJackets play the Savannah Sand Gnats Thursday, April 12, at 7:35 p.m., Friday-Saturday, April 13-14, at 7:05 p.m., and Sunday, April 15, at 2:05 p.m. at Lake Olmstead Stadium. $7-$11. Call 706-736-7889 or visit greenjacketsbaseball.com.

MedWar 2012, a medical wilderness adventure race that includes hiking, running, swimming, water crossing, orienteering and more, is Saturday, April 14, at Fort Gordon. The race begins at 10 a.m., but teams of four must checkin between 6:30-8:30 a.m. Pre-registration required. Visit medwar.org/southeast.

Hero of the Titanic: Augusta’s Archibald Butt, part of the Augusta Canal Discovery Walk series, is Saturday, April 14, at 10 a.m. and Sunday, April 15, at 3 p.m. $2; free for Canal Keeper members. Call 706-823-0440, ext. 2, or visit augustacanal.com.

THINK. NOT A BIG BOX... NOT EVEN CLOSE

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We’re the opposite of a Big Box Store. We’re the little store in Fairway Square and although we have our own of computer experts, we dont really call them geeks (at least to their faces). They’re just competent, skilled computer technicians with the know-how to clean up your computer at a reasonable price and get you back on the internet fast.

And although we’re not keeping score, given the fact we’re celebrating our 25th anniversary this year, it is very likely we’ve sold and repaired more computers than any other company in Augusta... and we have thousands of satisfied customers to prove it.

Professional Virus & Spyware Removal Services $69.95 About Us | Services | Virus and Spyware Removal | Custom Built Computers | Point of Sale Systems | Driving Directions | Contact Us Copyright 2011 ComputerOne Technology, Inc., All Rights Reserved - Website developed, hosted and maintained by Southfire, Inc. 2825 Washington Rd., Fairway Square Shopping Center, Augusta, GA 30909 - 706.667.9009

METRO SPIRIT 04.12.12 23

The Augusta GreenJackets play the Charleston RiverDogs Monday-Wednesday, April 16-18, at 7:05 p.m. at Lake Olmstead Stadium. $7-$11. Call 706-736-7889 or visit greenjacketsbaseball.com.

Beginning Foil Fencing, a 10-week class at the Augusta Fencers Club that begins April 19 at 6 p.m., is registering students now. For ages 14 and up. $150, with all competitive equipment provided. Call 706-722-8878.

Library, in which participants will make a windsock, is Tuesday, April 17, at 10 a.m. Call 706-821-2600 or visit ecgrl.org.

Guitar Lessons for Teens with John Welch are Tuesday, April 17 and 24, at 4 p.m. at the Columbia County Library. Pre-registration required. Call 706-863-1946 or visit ecgrl.org.

Miracle League Baseball registration is going on now for the spring season, which begins April 14.

The league is for youth and adults with physical and developmental disabilities and games are played at the Charle Norwood VA Medical Center. $40. Pre-registration required. Visit thefamilyy.org.

Young Adult Poetry Contest, in which winners receive Barnes and Noble gift cards, is going on now at the Headquarters Branch Library with a deadline of April 18. Open to those in grades 6-12, entries should be 50 lines or less and must be typed and submitted along with the student’s full name, age, grade, school and phone number.

Call 706-821-2600 or visit ecgrl.org.

Call Us or Go Online for Your FREE Estimate!

Wheelchair Tennis is each Monday at 6 p.m., weather permitting, at the Club at Rae’s Creek.

Free and open to the public. Call 706-826-5809 or visit alsalley@wrh.org.

Rainy Day Craft Workshop for those ages 3-5 is Thursday, April 19, at 11 a.m. at the Appleby Branch Library. Pre-registration required. Call 706-736-6244 or visit ecgrl.org.

SEE WHAT FISH HAS TO OFFER:

Kids

Teen Poetry Open Mic Night at the Nancy Carson Library in North Augusta is Thursday, April 19, at 7 p.m. Call 803-279-5767 or visit abbe-lib.org.

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What’s in the Box? Fun with Photos, a program for toddlers and their caretakers in which participants learn about cameras and photos then do a craft project, is Thursday, April 12, at 10 a.m. or 11:15 a.m. at the Morris Museum of Art. Free for members; $4 for non-members.

Pre-registration required. Call 706-724-7501 or visit themorris.org.

Rhyming Story Time at the Diamond Lakes Branch Library is Thursday, April 12, at 10 a.m.

Pre-registration required. Call 706-772-2432 or visit ecgrl.org.

Poetry Workshop for Teens is Thursday, April 12, at 4 p.m. at the Columbia County Library.

Pre-registration required. Call 706-863-1946 or visit ecgrl.org.

Money Management for Kids is Thursday, April 12, at 5 p.m. at the Columbia County Library. For ages 8-11. Call 706-863-1946 or visit ecgrl.org.

Parent’s Night Out at the Family Y of North Jefferson is Friday, April 13. $12, members; $20, non-members. Visit thefamilyy.org.

Freedom Friday at the Family Y of Augusta South is Friday, April 13, from 6-9:30 p.m. and is a free night out for children, ages eight weeks to 12 years, of active duty military families. Preregistration required. Visit thefamilyy.org.

Family Fun Kickball Tournament, hosted by the OT Department at GHSU, is Saturday, April 14, at 2 p.m. at the VA Medical Center and includes bouncy houses, games, tournaments, prizes and food. $5 admission; $40 registration per kickball team. Email tbarbin@georgiahealth.edu or tbrickley@georgiahealth.edu.

Afternoon Move Marathon for kids is Saturday, April 14, at 2 p.m. at the Headquarters Branch Library. Call 706-821-2600 or visit ecgrl.org.

Parent’s Night Out at the Family Y of North Augusta and the Marshall Family Y, open to children ages 2-12, is Saturday, April 14, from 6-9:30 p.m. $12, members; $20, non-members.

Pre-registration suggested. Visit thefamilyy.org.

Special Story Time at the Headquarters Branch

24 METRO SPIRIT 04.12.12

To the Moon and Beyond shows Saturdays in April at 7 and 8 p.m. at the DuPont Planetarium in Aiken. $5.50, adults; $4.50, seniors; $3.50, 4K-12 students; $1, USC-A students, faculty and staff. Call 803-641-3654 or visit http://rspec. usca.edu/planetarium.

Seniors

AARP Driver Safety Program is Thursday-Friday, April 19-20, from 9 a.m.-1 p.m. at Trinity Hospital of Augusta. $14, with a $2 discount for AARP members. Pre-registration required. Call 706481-7604 or visit trinityofaugusta.com.

Hobbies

Augusta During the Civil War, presented by speaker Tom Sutherland, is a free monthly program from the Augusta Genealogical Society that is Thursday, April 12, at 3 p.m. at the Augusta Museum of History. Call Daphne Hopson at 706-854-8685 or email her at dhopson@aol.com.

Introduction to Crochet is Monday, April 16, 23 and 30, at 5:30 p.m. at the Appleby Branch Library. Pre-registration required. Call 706-7366244 or visit ecgrl.org.

CSRA Writers meet Monday, April 16, at 6:30 p.m. at Georgia Military College in Martinez. Writers needing a support group are invited to bring 8-10 copies of a manuscript to be critiqued.

Published and unpublished writers are welcome.

Call 706-836-7315.

Attracting Bees, Butterflies and Bats to Your Garden is a lunch and learn program at the Headquarters Branch Library on Tuesday, April 17, at noon. Call 706-821-2600 or visit ecgrl.org.

Augusta Archaeological Society meets Thursday, April 19, at Sabi Japanese Steakhouse in Evans.

Dinner is at 6:30 p.m.; the program is at 8 p.m.

Call 706-863-7964.

If you would like to see your organization’s events listed in our calendar, please email Amy Christian at amy@themetrospirit.com.

The deadline for each Thursday’s issue is the previous Friday at noon.

V. 23 | NO. 15

THE

EIGHT

BOX TOPS

Kind of a bad week at the box office... for everyone except the Lorax, that is.

RANK

TITLE

WEEKEND GROSS

TOTAL GROSS

WEEK #

LAST WEEK

1

THE HUNGER GAMES

$33,111,557

$302,450,722

3

1

2

AMERICAN REUNION

$21,514,080

$21,514,080

1

-

3

TITANIC 3D

$17,285,453

$25,645,935

1

-

4

WRATH OF THE TITANS

$14,732,121

$58,614,212

2

2

5

MIRROR MIRROR

$11,095,140

$36,773,242

2

3

“American Reunion”

SAMEIFLING

What’s next? “American Funeral”?

A few years back “American Pie” became a surprise hit for its R-rated combination of seemingly straighttalk teenage raunch (that dude screwed a pie!) and sudsy teenage sexual confusion (losing your virginity’s a drag when feelings get involved). It struck a nerve and spun an $11 million budget into a worldwide $235 million behemoth.

That begat an “American Pie 2” and an “American Wedding” in the next four years, but it took another nine whole years for “American Reunion” to come into the world. Among its scant redeeming properties are that it ought, by in any rational scenario, to put this limping franchise out of its misery for good, unless a series of “American Funeral” sequels happens along to thin the herd.

The original lineup of white bread doofi are back in this iteration, with a twist you didn’t see coming: Everyone’s old! Jim (Jason Biggs, looking like he’s been working out his neck) and wife Michelle (Alyson Hannigan) have fallen into the trappings of parenthood, namely, a toddler. (The rugrat figures into a ribald opening scene that reveals just how sexually frustrated the new parents are.)

They’re never getting any, and in a twist on the original “American” trying-to-score formula, the spouses spend the film looking for the chance for a conjugal visit.

Some of the other fellows are likewise settled. Oz (Chris Klein, the poor man’s Keanu) is a semi-famous sportscaster who is dating a nutty model but still has a soft spot for his high-school flame Heather (Mena Suvari). Kevin (the cloyingly tame Thomas Ian Nicholas) has a girlfriend who makes him watch the Real Housewives of something, while the mysterious, globetrotting Finch (Eddie Kaye Thomas) has his eye on a late-blooming barmaid.

Together they’re an utterly forgettable bro! foursome, a nowhere-America middle-class friend clique so true-to-life that they’ll bore you just as thoroughly as any given four shirt-tucking, cubicle-dwelling schmucks who may be seated next to you in the theater.

The exception is Seann William Scott as Stifler, who is still painfully but unapologetically stuck in his high-school years. He claims a favorite “Twilight” book in order to impress far younger women; his idea of buying a round of drinks is a tray of shots; he makes the case to Jim that because teenagers these days know so much about sex, Jim would actually be bringing the newest techniques to the marital boudoir if he were to bed a nubile young thing. It’s as though the V. 23 | NO. 15

“American Reunion” writers (there are three, including Jon Hurwitz, who also shares a directing credit with Hayden Schlossberg, the director of the “Harold & Kumar” films) saved up every decent line, every funny scene, for Stifler.

With a lineup of six Stiflers, this could’ve been a true romp. Instead, his existence accentuates how tepid the rest of the cast really is. Aside from a can’t-beunseen encounter with a saucepan lid, every memorable moment belongs to Stifler or to Jim’s dad (Eugene Levy, back for more). Worse than merely dumb or lazy, “American Reunion” is too often both, plus flat dull, to boot.

Among its lesser crimes, “American Reunion” does its best to dredge up nostalgia for an era — the late ’90s — that rightly was the only casualty of Y2K. When the boys walk into the reunion dance floor, which looks like nothing more than a prom populated by actors in their mid-30s, the 1999 Lit song “My Own Worst Enemy” and its distinct hook begins playing. The audience once thought itself in on this joke: Earlier in the movie, when Jim is resisting the advances of the just-legal girl-next-door he used to babysit, “Wannabe,” by the Spice Girls, comes on her car stereo, and she exclaims how much she loves classic rock. The lyrics here are part of the joke: “if you wanna be my lover …” describes the scene in literal terms.

So when Lit implores, “Please tell me/Please tellll meeee whyyyyyyy,” as the camera pans across the room before the climactic finale, you may wonder whether the filmmakers are sending out a thinly coded cry for help.

METRO SPIRIT 04.12.12 25

OPENING FRIDAY, APRIL 13

HORROR

ARIES (March 21-April 19)

“The Cabin in the Woods,” rated R, starring Bradley Whitford, Chris Hemsworth. It’s Friday the 13th, so what better day to spring a horror movie on moviegoers than now? The fact that this new flick comes from Joss Whedon and one of his “Buffy the Vampire Slayer” and “Angel” writers makes us almost want to shell out the bucks to see this one in the theater, especially when the trailers have us believe that this one might be something a little different than your typical axe-wielding maniac going after amoral teenagers. Don’t let us down, Joss.

COMEDY

“The Three Stooges,” rated PG, starring Sean Hayes, Will Sasso, Jane Lynch. It’s Friday the 13th, so what better day to spring this horrifying looking “comedy” from the Farrelly brothers on unsuspecting moviegoers? Seriously, Jane Lynch: What did they have to offer you (or what incriminating evidence did they have on you) to make you say yes to this one?

ACTION

“Lockout,” rated PG-13, starring Guy Pearce, Maggie Grace. Okay, this is different: a wrongly convicted man (of course) will be set free if he can rescue the president’s daughter… from an outer space prison overrun by inmates. Hopefully, he can finally kill off Jar Jar Binks while he’s up there.

C E R WE

D N E M M O

“Being There” I’ll admit, I don’t get to the movies very often, so I usually end up watching whatever cable has to offer or whatever I’ve had sitting on my DVR for the past two years. In this case, I recently read the 1971 novella “Being There,” by Jerzy Kosinski. I had watched the film years ago, but with the book fresh on my mind, I thought it deserved a revisit. Even though the book is 41 years old and the film is 32, this satire deals with subject matter that is still relevant now. “Being There” tells the story of “Chance the Gardener,” portrayed by Peter Sellers, whose performance in the film earned him an Oscar nomination for Best Actor in a Leading Role.

Chance is a simple, illiterate, middle-aged man who has spent his whole life living in a townhouse in Washington, D.C., working as a gardener. His every need, food, shelter and clothing, has been taken care of by the wealthy owner of the home. When the owner passes away, Chance is forced to leave by the estate’s attorneys and has to brave the streets of D.C. on his own. He knows nothing of the world outside the garden he spent his life tending except for what he’s seen on TV. In a bizarre stroke of luck, Chance finds himself welcomed into the house of another tycoon, where his simple utterances about gardening get mistaken for profundity and elevate him into a position of celebrity and counsel to the President of the United States. Although more than 30 years old, “Being There” is a vital statement on our TV reality, on how we develop our heroes and on how power perpetuates itself.

— Valerie Emerick 26 METRO SPIRIT 04.12.12

Some people misunderstand the do-it-now fervor of the Aries tribe, thinking it must inevitably lead to carelessness. Prove them wrong. Launch into the interesting new possibilities with all your exuberance unfurled. Refuse to allow the natural energy to get hemmed in by theories and concepts. But also be sure not to mistake rash impatience for intuitive guidance. Consider the likelihood that your original vision of the future might need to be tinkered with a bit as you translate it into the concrete details.

TAURUS (April 20-May 20)

There is a possibility that a pot of gold sits at the end of the rainbow. The likelihood is small, but it’s not zero. On the other hand, the rainbow is definitely here and available for you to enjoy. Of course, you would have to do some more work on yourself in order to gather in the fullness of that enjoyment. You may be under the impression that the rainbow is less valuable than the pot of gold, but what if the rainbow’s the real prize?

GEMINI (May 21-June 20)

conscientiously has been one of the great privileges and joys of my life. Every now and then, though, I get a bit envious of parents who’ve created bigger families. If bringing up one kid is so rewarding, maybe more would be even better. I asked an acquaintance of mine, a man with six kids, how he had managed to pull off that difficult feat. He told me quite candidly, “My secret is that I’m not a good father; I’m very neglectful.” Favor quality over quantity.

SCORPIO (Oct. 23-Nov. 21)

I expect there’ll be some curious goings-on this week. A seemingly uninspired idea could save you from a dumb decision, for example.

An obvious secret may be the key to defeating a covert enemy. Can you handle such big doses of the old flippety-flop and oopsie-loopsie?

Here are two additional odd blessings you could capitalize on: a humble teaching from an unlikely expert and a surge of motivation from an embarrassing excitement.

SAGITTARIUS (Nov. 22-Dec. 21)

“It’s eternity in a person that turns the crank handle,” said Franz Kafka. At least that should be the case. The unfortunate fact of the matter is that a lot of people let other, lesser things turn the crank handle — like the compulsive yearning for money, power and love. Check in with yourself sometime soon and determine what exactly has been turning your crank handle. If it ain’t eternity, get yourself adjusted. It’s crucial that you’re running on the cleanest, purest fuel.

Some of our pagan forbears imagined they had a duty to assist with nature’s revival every spring by performing fertility rituals. And wouldn’t it be fun if it were even slightly true that you could help the crops germinate and bloom by making sweet love in the fields? Slip away to a secluded outdoor spot, either by yourself or with a romantic companion. On a piece of paper, write down a project you’d like to make thrive in the coming months. Bury the note in the good earth, then enjoy an act of love right on top of it.

CANCER (June 21-July 22)

CAPRICORN (Dec. 22-Jan. 19)

For a white guy from 19th-century England, David Livingstone was unusually egalitarian. As he traveled in Africa, he referred to what were then called “witch doctors” as “my professional colleagues.” Be inspired by Livingstone as you expand your notion of who your allies are. Go outside of your usual network as you scout around for confederates who might connect you to exotic new perspectives and resources you never imagined you could use.

Once upon a time, I fell in love with a brilliant businesswoman named Loreen. After playing hard to get for two months, she shocked me with a brazen invitation: Would I like to accompany her on a whirlwind vacation to Paris? I was flat broke, so I decided to raise the funds by selling off a precious heirloom from childhood, my collection of 6,000 vintage baseball cards. Sacrifice an outmoded attachment, juvenile treasure or youthful fantasy to empower the future of love.

LEO (July 23-Aug. 22)

AQUARIUS (Jan. 20-Feb. 18)

The flag of California features the image of a grizzly bear, and the huge carnivore is the state’s official animal. And yet grizzly bears have been extinct in California since 1922. Do you continue to act as if a particular symbol or icon is important to you even though it has no practical presence in your life? This would be a good time to update your attitude.

VIRGO (Aug. 23-Sept. 22)

Felix the Cat made his debut in 1919. He was a movie star in the era of silent films, and eventually appeared in his own comic strip and TV show. But it wasn’t until 1953, when he was 34 years old, that he first got his Magic Bag of Tricks, which allowed him to do many things he wasn’t able to do before. You’re close to acquiring a magic bag of tricks that wasn’t on your radar until you had matured. To ensure that you get that bag, though, ripen even a bit more.

LIBRA (Sept. 23-Oct. 22)

Spiders’ silk is as strong as steel, and their precisely geometric webs are engineering marvels. But even though they have admirable qualities, I don’t expect to have an intimate connection with a spider any time soon. Certain people who are amazing creators and leaders don’t have the personal integrity or relationship skills that would make them trustworthy enough to seek out as close allies. Their beauty is best appreciated from afar.

PISCES (Feb. 19-March 20)

Have you ever had the wind knocked out of you? It feels weird for a short time, but leaves no lasting damage. I’m expecting that you will experience a form of that phenomenon sometime soon. The wind that will get knocked out of you will be a wind that needed to be knocked out — a wind that was causing confusion in your gutlevel intuition. You’ll feel much better afterwards, and you will see things more clearly.

I have one child, a daughter, and raising her

ROBBREZSNY FREEWILLASTROLOGY@FREEWILLASTROLOGY.COM V. 23 | NO. 15

V. 23 | NO. 15

METRO SPIRIT 04.12.12 27

28 METRO SPIRIT 04.12.12

V. 23 | NO. 15

V. 23 | NO. 15

METRO SPIRIT 04.12.12 29

Thursday, April 12 Live Music

French Market Grille West - Doc Easton Smooth Jazz Imperial Theatre - Tim O Shields Joe’s Underground - Dave Firmin O Lounge - Jazmine Soul Band Polo Lounge - Vince McKinley Red Pepper Cafe - Funk/Fusion Jazz Rose Hill Stables - Preston, Weston and Sandra Surrey Tavern - Charles Playin Acoustic Travinia’s - Smooth Jazz The Willcox - Classic Jazz Wild Wing - Steven & Liz

What’s Tonight?

Casa Blanca - Thursday Tango Club Argos - Karaoke Cocktails Lounge - Karaoke Coyote’s - Karaoke Fishbowl Lounge - Karaoke Fox’s Lair - Soup, Suds & Conversations Helga’s Pub & Grille - Trivia The Highlander - Butt Naked Trivia The Library - DJ Kris Fisher The Loft - Karaoke The Playground - Open Mike Malibu Jack’s - Sports Trivia with Mike Thomas Mi Rancho (Downtown) - Karaoke Mi Rancho (Evans) - Karaoke The Playground - Open Mic with Brandy Shannon’s - Karaoke Somewhere in Augusta - Keno, Poker Soul Bar - Boom Box Villa Europa - Karaoke Wooden Barrel - ’80s Night Karaoke

Tropicabana - Latin Friday Wheels - Live DJ Wooden Barrel - Karaoke Contest

Saturday, April 14 Live Music

The Acoustic Coffeehouse - Open Acoustic Jam Session with Eryn Eubanks and the Family Fold Augusta Market at the River - Karen Gordon Cotton Patch - Wayne Capps Country Club - John Karl Iron Horse Bar and Grill - The Vicky Grady Band Hoze’s - John Berret’s LaRoxes Joe’s Underground - Jam Samwich Laura’s Backyard Tavern - Josh & Chris P.I. Bar and Grill - Smooth Jazz Rub It In Lounge - Hardcoat, Ravenswood Surrey Tavern - Who’s Bad Michael Jackson Tribute Wild Wing - Causey Effect

Sunday, April 15 Live Music

5 O’Clock Bistro - Buzz and Candice Candlelight Jazz - Preston & Weston & Sandra Iron Horse Bar and Grill - John Berret’s LaRoxes Morris Museum of Art - T. Hardy Morris and the Outfit Wild Wing - Brad Vroon The Willcox - Jazz Jam Session

What’s Tonight?

Caribbean Soul - Love Jones Sundays Mi Rancho (Downtown) - Karaoke Mi Rancho (Washington Road) - Karaoke, Salsa Dancing

Monday, April 16 Live Music

Shannon’s - Open Mic Night

1102 - Kung Fu Dynamite Augusta Moonlight Music Cruise - Joe Stevenson Cotton Patch - Steven Bryant French Market Grille West - Doc Easton James Brown Arena - The Mass Chaos Tour w/ Godsmack, Staind, Halestorm Joe’s Underground - Shinebox Laura’s Backyard Tavern - Riley Williams The Loft - Groove Stain PI Bar & Grill - Jazz Duo Rub It In Lounge - Ravenswood, Jesup Dolly Stillwater Taproom - Root Spirits, The Burning Angels Surrey Tavern - Tony Williams and the Blues Express Wild Wing - Under the Sun Club Argos - Variety Show Cocktails Lounge - Grown-Up Fridays with DJ Cork and Bull Pub - Karaoke Eagle’s Nest - Free Salsa Lessons; Latin Dance Party First Round - DJ Kris Fisher Fishbowl Lounge - Karaoke Iron Horse Bar & Grill - Karaoke Mi Rancho (Downtown) - Karaoke with Ryan Moseley Mi Rancho (Washington Road) - Karaoke with Jeff Barnes Mi Rancho (Clearwater) - Three J’s Karaoke Ms. Carolyn’s - Karaoke Palmetto Tavern - DJ Tim Rebeck’s Hideaway - Open Mic Roadrunner Cafe - Karaoke with Steve Chappel Soul Bar - ’80s Night

30 METRO SPIRIT 04.12.12

Wednesday, April 18 Live Music

Joe’s Underground - Sibling String Manuel’s Bread Cafe - Liz Bramlett & Steven Bryant Wild Wing - Brandon Hooker Duo

What’s Tonight?

Club Argos - Santoni’s Satin Dolls Cocktails Lounge - Augusta’s Got Talent Cotton Patch - Trivia and Tunes Hotel Aiken - Karaoke w/ Tom Mitchell Laura’s Backyard Tavern - Karaoke w/ David Doane The Loft - Karaoke Mi Rancho (Downtown) - Karaoke Mi Rancho (Washington Road) - Karaoke with Rockin’ Rob The Playground - Krazy Karaoke with Big Troy Polo Tavern - Karaoke w/ Tom Mitchell

Upcoming

Friday, April 13 Live Music

What’s Tonight?

Laura’s Backyard Tavern - Karaoke w/ David Doane Malibu Jack’s - DJ Somewhere In Augusta - Big Prize Trivia, Hawk Talk

What’s Tonight?

Club Argos - Variety Show Cocktails Lounge - Latin Night Fishbowl Lounge - Karaoke Fox’s Lair - Karaoke Helga’s Pub & Grille - Trivia Laura’s Backyard Tavern - Karaoke w/ David Doane The Loft - Karaoke Mi Rancho (Downtown) - Karaoke with Rockin Rob Mi Rancho (Clearwater) - Karaoke with Danny Haywood Mi Rancho (Washington Road) - Karaoke Ms. Carolyn’s - Karaoke One Hundred Laurens - DJ Kenny Ray Robbie’s - Saturday Night Dance Party Tropicabana - Salsa Saturday Wheels - Live DJ Wooden Barrel - Kamikaze Karaoke

What’s Tonight?

Applebee’s (Evans) - Trivia Club Argos - Karaoke Malibu Jack’s - Sports Trivia with Mike Thomas Mi Rancho (Downtown) - Trivia with Mike Thomas Somewhere In Augusta - Free Poker Tournaments Wild Wing - Trivia

Tuesday, April 17 Live Music

The Highlander - Open Mic Night Joe’s Underground - Happy Bones Wild Wing - Sabo & Mike The Willcox - Piano Jazz

What’s Tonight?

Club Argos - Karaoke Fishbowl Lounge - Dart League

Banned in Two States - The Playground April 20 Connor Pledger - Carolina Ale House April 20 Jubee & The Morning After w/ Artemia, The Radar Cinema, Fdurty - Aky City April 20 The Sounthern Meltdown Band - Sweet Dreamin’ April 20 The Southern Meltdown Band - Shannon’s April 27 She N She - Fox’s Lair April 28 The John King Band - Iron Horse Bar & Grill April 29 Jim Perkins - Carolina Ale House May 4 John Berret’s LaRoxes - Iron Horse Bar and Grill May 5 Saving Able & Black Stone Cherry - Cotoye’s May 6 Siamese Dream - The Playground May 11 Jim Perkins - Carolina Ale House May 11 Dash Rip Rock - Metro Coffeehouse & Pub May 12 Lady Antebellum - James Brown Arena May 22-23 Morris Davidson Band - 1102 May 25 Jim Perkins - Carolina Ale House May 25 The Southern Meltdown Band - Shannon’s May 25 An Evening with Yanni - Bell Auditorium June 1 The Mosier Brothers - Surrey Tavern June 1 & 2 John Berret’s LaRoxes - Iron Horse Bar and Grill June 3 John Berret’s LaRoxes - 1102 June 16 Ten Toes Up - Surrey Tavern June 23 Fresh Music Festival w/ Keith Sweat, Doug E. Fresh, Guy, SWV, K-Ci, & JoJo- James Brown Arena June 29 John Berret’s LaRoxes - 1102 July 6 Hot Rod Walt and the Psycho-DeVilles - The Loft July 20 John Berret’s LaRoxes - Iron Horse Bar and Grill July 22 John Berret’s LaRoxes - 1102 July 27

Elsewhere

Earphunk, Georgia Soul Council, Cherry Royoale The Five Spot, Atlanta April 6 Van Hunt - The Earl, Atlanta April 6 Martin Sexton - Variety Playhouse, Atlanta April 6 PJ Morton - The Buckhead Theatre, Atlanta April 7 Delta Spirit - The Masquerade, Atlanta April 7 Lullwater - Vinyl, Atlanta April 7 Sounds From The Underground - Elliot St Pub, Atlanta April 9 Miss Used - Peachtree Tavern, Atlanta April 11 Jim Perkins - Butt Hutt BBQ, Athens April 12 South Jordan - Armstrong Atlantic State University, V. 23 | NO. 15

IN MUSIC

Ladies in Lingerie… This Weekend

W I L D WI N

G

LIVE MUSIC Did you survive Masters Week? Not you; I’m talking to all the local musicians.

Busy week for you guys, I hope you entertained the masses and didn’t get hit with beer bottles from any preppy, drunken tourists.

It was cool to see all of the people walking around town and embracing what Augusta has to offer. For celebrity music sightings of Masters 2012, I heard the band Journey was at the tournament. No report yet if the new Filipino lead singer was there (not to be confused to Rino Mendoza). Steeeeeeeve Perry.

One of the best things about this being my article is that I get to write about whatever I want. And if you want me to talk about your shows, all you have to do is email matt@themetrospirit.com. It’s called free advertising, kids. So my girlfriend emailed me and told me that she has a show this Saturday at Sky City. Sally Ann Spring Lingerie Fashion Show featuring Sibling String and DJ Danny Jacobs. That’s right, 17 girls walking the runway for us to gawk at. And let me tell you, the ladies are hot. Cover is only $5 and doors open up at 8. I just wonder why she hasn’t exactly invited me yet. It might be that whole “restraining order” thing.

The big rock show is finally here. Godsmack, Staind and Halestorm will kick off the Mass Chaos tour right here in little ole Augusta. That’s Friday, April 13. Friday the 13th; this should be good. Who would have guessed that Augusta would wait till the last minute to buy tickets? Side note: why do you guys do that? Anyway, tickets still available at the James Brown Arena.

Reports have come out that Lana Del Ray is dating Axl Rose. Yes, you read that right. The report came out after the pair was spotted out and about in Hollywood.

No confirmation yet. Here’s my guess; this has something to do with the Rock ‘n’ Roll Hall of Fame inductions this weekend. We can only hope it doesn’t involve Lana singing. There still hasn’t been confirmation that Axl or Izzy Stradlin are even showing up. But it has been confirmed that Green Day will be inducting Guns N’ Roses into the Hall of Fame. Does this mean Green Day will play “Welcome to the Jungle”? Let’s keep our fingers crossed that Axl shows.

Now here’s something I want to see in 3D, Katy Perry. “Katy Perry: Part of Me 3D” will be hitting theaters on July 4 weekend. Wow, who would have ever guessed that Katy Perry would be taking career advice from Justin Bieber?

Fiona Apple has announced her return to touring this summer and the dates have been set. Unfortunately, they’re nowhere near us. A road trip to Nashville in July is what it will take for you to hear cuts off her new album, “The Idler Wheel Is Wiser Than the Driver of the Screw and Whipping Cords Will Serve You More Than Ropes Will Ever Do,” out June 19. Yeah, that’s a real title.

Now I’ve heard of bad ideas, but come on. James, the son of Sir Paul McCartney, told the BBC that he is open to teaming up with the sons of his father’s former bandmates to form The Beatles: The Next Generation. Shut up. McCartney, the little one, must be smoking some of his father’s hashish. Talk about riding your dad’s coattails. No official word on whether this is going down or not.

Where to go next weekend? You tell me, email matt@themetrospirit. com. In the email include a healthy supply of flattery. It won’t help you get posted any quicker, but it does wonders for my ego.

MATTSTONE can be heard weekdays from 2-6 p.m. on 95 Rock.

V. 23 | NO. 15

THE LINEUP 4.11 - TIKI BARFLYS 4.12 - STEVEN & LIZ 4.13 - UNDER THE SUN 4.14 - CAUSEY EFFECT 4.15 - BRAD VROON 3035 Washington Rd. • 706-364-WILD (9453) www. wi l dwi n gcaf e. co m METRO SPIRIT 04.12.12 31

Michael Johnson

mejphoto.photoreflect.com

Courtney Worley, NFL Hall of Famer Eric Dickerson and Erin Hall at Buffalo Wild Wings.

SIGHTINGS

Honoree Tom Watson with Deanna Brown Thomas at the Mayor’s Masters Reception at the Augusta Common.

Rebecca Smith, Ashton Parker and Ellen Ribock at the Mayor’s Masters Reception at the Augusta Common.

SIGHTINGS

Neil and Anneliese Woodall with Eve and Tom Levine at Augusta National.

Marle Jenkins, NEEDTOBREATHE’S Joe Stillwell and Amie Mangieri at Drive for Show Rock Fore! Dough at First Tee.

Rebecca Duvall, Holly Sweeting, Madison Orr and Madeline Thornton at Drive for Show Rock Fore! Dough at First Tee.

SIGHTINGS

Sarah Edwards, Kaitlyn Johnson, Devin Lacey and Hanna Jacobs at Drive for Show Rock Fore! Dough at First Tee.

32 METRO SPIRIT 04.12.12

Senior golfers Tony Jacklin, Jack Fleck and Doug Sanders with photographer Frank Christian at the unveiling of the “GOLF” book at Frank Christian’s office.

Courtney Miller, Taylor Penney, Whitney Biggs and Sydney Penney at Par Tee @ the Park.

V. 23 | NO. 15

SIGHTINGS

Caroline Edmonds, Carrington Gray, Eric Paslay and Megan Pitt at Par Tee @ the Park.

Carter Coyle, Josh Kelley and Lynnsay Gardner at Par Tee @ the Park.

Stephanie French, former professional football defensive tackle Harvey Armstrong and Matt Zahn at Warren Moon’s Legends of Sports Celebrity Party at Evans Towne Center Park.

SIGHTINGS

Demie Scavone, Sarah Powell and Courtney Lowe at Warren Moon’s Legends of Sports Celebrity Party at Evans Towne Center Park.

Little Big Town’s Phillip Sweet and Amanda Stewart with LBT’s Jimi Westbrook and Jenna Canale at Warren Moon’s Legends of Sports Celebrity Party at Evans Towne Center Park.

Sherri Vo, former professional football quarterback Warren Moon and Gabby Daniel at Warren Moon’s Legends of Sports Celebrity Party at Evans Towne Center Park.

SIGHTINGS

Lindsay Pizzola, Michelle Murray and Kristina Creswell at Warren Moon’s Legends of Sports Celebrity Party at Evans Towne Center Park.

Donna Anderson, golfer Lee Elder and Julie Anderson at Warren Moon’s Legends of Sports Celebrity Party at Evans Towne Center Park.

SIGHTINGS

Fann Hughes, Collier Perno, Taylor Edgar and Paige Hamlin at the Birdies and Bogeys Benefit Party 2012 at Julian Smith Casino.

V. 23 | NO. 15

Summer Raehm, Jim Bennett, Mary Vincent Pursley and Peter Caye at the Birdies and Bogeys Benefit Party 2012 at Julian Smith Casino.

Ricky Johnson, Little Big Town’s Karen Fairchild and Evan Ivey at Warren Moon’s Legends of Sports Celebrity Party at Evans Towne Center Park.

Michael Johnson

mejphoto.photoreflect.com

Laney Mize, Laura Spur, Megan Dean and Emilyanne Skinner at the Birdies and Bogeys Benefit Party 2012 at Julian Smith Casino.

METRO SPIRIT 04.12.12 33

WHINE

WHINELINE@THEMETROSPIRIT.COM

Have something you want to get off your chest? Send your whines to whineline@themetrospirit. com. If you do so by noon on Friday, you might just see it in the next Thursday’s issue. Oh, and whines may be edited for content but will pretty much be printed exactly as you type them.

LINE

My Daguerreotype Boyfriend Ever wonder if Teddy Roosevelt was a smokin’ hottie back in the day? What about Gustav Mahler? Want to spend hours discussing whether or not Hermann Rorschach looks like Brad Pitt? My Daguerreotype Boyfriend has got you covered. This website, “where early photography meets extreme hotness,” is a tumblr site filled with historical portraits and pages and pages of dapper young men from the days when a man could rock a shawl-neck cardigan or a cravat and still look like a total bad-ass doing so.

Well-groomed dandies not quite your thing? Don’t worry, My Daguerreotype Boyfriend still has you covered. If you like the “bad boys,” the site also features quite a few mug shots tucked away amongst the professional portraits. Not only can you peruse hundreds of photos from the 19th and early 20th centuries, but you can submit pictures of your own. So, if you want to show off the old family photos and don’t mind women ogling your handsome granddad or great-granddad, get to scanning and submitting!

It’s spelled, ”satan,” not satin.

it’s funny how the national has all the technology in the world and the after round interviews are done in something that looks like a 70’s soap opera.

OK Metro Spirit, show us the ads and cuisine review of everything Mexican before Cinco de Mayo! I need to plan my feasts as well as siestas.

I still think Tiger’s gonna win it!

OK, let’s look out for April 25, National Red Hat Day. If you see a lady in red hat with purple and red outfit waving the wildly ribboned cane, get out of her way but wish her well!

Short shorts and stripper heels on the most prestigious golf course in the world.

So Augusta, how much did we make off of all those ticket scalpers? $500 each, right? Hope they fund the sheriff’s dept. for more stings.

I’ve seen better looking bowling shoes than those girls on Washington Road handing our flyers. Come on people. We have better talent than that at the Rub It In Lounge.

Great article on Doug Sanders this week. Poor Tiger.

He is in the wrong era.

I don’t have time to protest for what I believe in. I have to work.

Cudos to the new ownership of the metro spirit .. You seem to be taking your paper in some new directions and I think it is great... However on the opposing views angle.. You would be better of paying for a couple of

WERECOMMEND

syndicated hacks rather than Ruffin and Austin Loads who write on a junior high level! Just my thoughts.

Hello. I’m the first atheist poster in this exchange. I just wanted to say that atheists do not have a Pavlovian reaction to mention of imaginary supernatural figures such as Satan (I assume you just misspelled that as Satin). We aren’t insulted by being compared to something that does not exist. You sound very angry yourself but we really don’t mean believers any harm.

We just want to enjoy the freedom we have in this country.

Halliburton- The company that war profiteered off the Iraq War, then brought us the Deepwater Horizon oil spill, now brings to us.........yes you guessed it, FRACKING! Jebus, we’re really screwed now! dancing with the stars has got to be the worst show on television. if you watch it you are a sad a** clown.

Centuries ago the Chinese decided to enslave their own people for fear that bringing in outsiders would cause problems in the future.

If you’d teach your punk-a** kids how to act there’d be a lot less trouble.

Austin, Austin, Austin, you just cannot comment rationally on things where race is involved. Your opinions on the Martin case were so pitiful I had to

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stop after the first few sentences. Thank goodness for Josh Ruffin’s sensible words that acknowledged you can’t judge a person by the cover of their clothes as well as not their looks. When people followed me around after 9-1-1, I made sure to turn around to demand to know why they were following me. If I ever see a weapon flashed by someone questioning me who was not a law enforcement officer, I will make moves to disarm and maybe even disleg that person!

To the church group who claimed they would have bought eats and stuff if they were permitted to have an egg hunt at the mall: Are you crazed? I know as a business owner if you said you wanted to hide something among my goods and expect me to welcome anyone to just toss my stuff around at will multiple times of the day for such a hunt, I would flat out say NO WAY. Stores are not meant to be playgrounds for running kids! why is it the only people who get tipped masters week are serving drinks? what about the rest of us doing twice the work?

Aahh masters week is here ... The one week a year I dont need to order cheese on my burger... Ii just turn on the local tv news or am radio and I receive all the cheese. I can stand!

I sure miss the rat boy (my pet name no diss) who was so good with his weather predictions.. I do wish him luck with his new endeavor .. I think he is a great guy .... My real question is when will his replacement go through puberty ... I can’t get used to his school boy voice... I always lose my 26 dollar bet over what word his voice will break on ..

Heard 1,359.001 times Friday: “with the wind and sun, the greens are going to be hard and super fast this weekend” or some variation thereof. Saturday, I heard too many announcers than I care to remember say “if you would have told so and so this morning he was going to do so and so, he would have told you you were crazy”.

Hey Happy National Library Week! Let’s be thankful for our libraries for all the information they house and/ or help to find. Also, be grateful to the nice people who work there to help us askers with our questions. And mainly for me, to have these computers for public use!

V. 23 | NO. 15

ON THE BALL

Spring Fever Spring football games establish realistic expectations for upcoming season This weekend, three out of the four colleges that we cover locally are hosting their annual spring football games. While some dismiss the glorified exhibitions as meaningless and irrelevant, there actually has been a method to the madness for the coaches and the players over the past couple of weeks of practice.

Yes, while the game itself serves more as an excuse to travel to a college town and inhale Canadian Club and Natural Light, the practices are an invaluable tool for the coaching staff and players to work on basics and accelerate the team-building process for the upcoming season.

Here are some capsules to prime you for this weekend’s spring games.

Clemson I don’t think I’ve even heard a peep out of Tiger camp during this spring. Clemson is thankful for a game of any kind to help further distance themselves from their complete meltdown against West Virginia in the Orange Bowl. The good news for Clemson is that they have the core of their team coming back. Gone are Dwayne Allen (TE), Andre Branch (DE) and Brandon Thompson (DT). Out of all the teams, Clemson has the least to gain out of spring practices. Their core talent was very young last year and only lack the mental toughness portion of their games from being a year-long National Championship contender instead of flaming out after a blowtorch start to last season.

South Carolina The Gamecocks lose a hefty portion of game-changing production with the loss of studs like Alshon Jeffery (WR) and Melvin Ingram (DE). Also gone is Stephon Gilmore (CB) who is also a late first-round pick in this month’s NFL draft. The best news of all, though, is that the campus is finally free of Stephen Garcia. Other good news for Gamecock fans: Marcus Lattimore will continue to rehab and not play in the spring game, Connor Shaw is the clear No. 1 quarterback entering the season and doesn’t have to worry about looking over his shoulder, and, reportedly, Jadeveon Clowney has been unblockable from the inside pass-rush position.

Georgia Even without the biggest draw to the G-Day game — Keith Marshall, the No. 1 freshman running back from Raleigh, is out with a hamstring injury — there will be plenty to see in Athens. First off, all-everything wide receiver Malcolm Mitchell is on the defensive side of the ball. This move is not permanent, as the Bulldogs need playmakers in the defensive backfield while three out of the four starters serve game suspensions that range from one to four games total. Todd Gurley, another elite high school running back from North Carolina, will get a chance to show his skills without having to share carries with Marshall. Lastly, don’t expect the offensive line to shine during the game, as attrition has hit them pretty hard, and the middle of the defensive line (Kwame Geathers and John Jenkins) are reportedly wreaking havoc daily during practice.

MATTLANE is host of The Weekend Rundown which airs from 10 a.m.-noon Saturdays on News-Talk-Sports 1630 AM. He can be reached at mattlane28@gmail.com or follow him on Twitter @Mattlane28.

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After the first competitive weigh in for the Fit to be Gold Challenge, the competitors are starting to separate, though they continue to be supportive.

The overall leader, Rob Forbes, lost 24.3 pounds, though the most important number of the night was everyone’s percentage of weight lost, which in Forbes’ case was 11.30 percent. In his speech, he thanked his trainer, George.

“He puts up with me crying like a baby,” he joked.

Coming in second was Chelsie Lee, who lost 15.8 pounds and 8.68 percent.

“It’s knowing I have control,” she said. “The only downside is lots of muscle cramps in my legs.”

Though Bobby Burch lost 22 pounds, his percentage put him in third place. In spite of his impressive numbers, he insists he could have lost 30 pounds.

“I’ve had my share of setbacks, too,” he said. “I’ve had setbacks from Coors Light and Jagermeister.”

Jerry Price, who lost 9.4 pounds, is impressed with his newfound stamina.

“I remember the first time I got on that thing with the handles — I don’t know what you call it. I was supposed to do 30 minutes and after eight or nine I was a dead man walking,” he said. “But now I can go 30 minutes.”

Though some, like Forbes, are showing an aggressive, take-no-prisoners approach to the training, many talked about the little surprises and challenges they encountered along with way. The cheesecake that was going to be eaten regardless of the competition (“But that will be the last”), the breakfast routine that was tough to avoid.

For Sean Kinzer, the cruise we reported on definitely tripped him up, though he still managed to lose 10.6 pounds. For Nancy Wilson, the challenge was keeping her weight from fluctuating, though she was still happy that she went down a pant size.

Susan Buzhardt was upbeat about her progress, though a bit surprised.

“I was frustrated last week because I wasn’t seeing the weight coming off, but it turns out I was down 15.5 pounds,” she said. “I’m definitely toning and I’m wearing clothes I haven’t been able to wear.”

She said the workout wasn’t as bad as she thought it would be, though having a personal trainer certainly helped.

“I’ve got a cute 22-year-old young guy, so I can’t let him down,” she laughed. “Of course, I’m older than his parents.”

All in all, the group lost 163 pounds, and though Forbes is the definite frontrunner, that’s no guarantee that he’ll end up on top. Experts say that everyone loses at a different rate, and just because you’re losing big in the beginning doesn’t mean you’re going to win big at the end.

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36 METRO SPIRIT 04.12.12

V. 23 | NO. 15

SPONSOR THE

Metro Spirit’s Pet Page! lauren@themetrospirit.com

Dogs Are Special

Special Events

By Lorna Barrett

Dogs are very special creatures. They live to be with and please their person. They can turn grown people into goofy children, and can be a child’s best friend, giving him confidence to grow and learn.

When I think of dogs, I think of their pure honesty, the true emotions like love, trust, loyalty and devotion they display. It’s in the gleam of the “let’s play” look in their eyes, and the sweet gesture of a head or a paw on my lap or a cold nose in my face.

Dogs are truly our best friend, because they don’t care how you are dressed, what neighborhood you live in or where you went to school. They just want to be your companion, your best friend.

Dogs want little more than nourishing food, cool water, comfortable bedding and to have companionship and fun with their person or family. Dogs are much smarter than we give them credit for. They are easily trained to do many things for people, like guiding the visually impaired and identifying many physical and emotional ailments.

Many are trained to seek out and help rescue people in disaster situations. Sure, they can fetch, shake and rollover, but they can save your life in a house fire too. Their sense of smell is 1,000 to 10,000 times better than ours. Their hearing if far superior as well; they hear much higher frequencies and can hear things at greater distances than people.

In as much as most people enjoy the company of dogs, dogs really enjoy the company of people and of other dogs. They are very intuitive as well. If they don’t like your new friend, chances are you should be leery of them as well.

Lessons we can learn from Dogs When loved ones come home, always run to greet them.

Never pass up the opportunity to go for a joyride.

Allow the experience of fresh air and the wind in your face to be pure ecstasy.

Take naps.

Stretch before rising.

Run, romp and play daily.

Thrive on attention and let people touch you.

Avoid biting when a simple growl will do.

On warm days, stop to lie on your back on the grass.

On hot days, drink lots of water and lie under a shady tree.

When you are happy, dance around and wag your entire body.

Delight in the simple joy of a long walk.

Be loyal.

Never pretend to be something you are not.

If what you want lies buried, dig until you find it.

When someone is having a bad day, be silent, sit close by and nuzzle them gently.

It is heartbreaking when I see a dog tied to a tree, water dish turned over, no shelter from the sun or rain; just left alone. I ask myself why in the world has someone taken this dog into their life only to neglect him and treat him like they don’t care about him at all. Why would someone do this?

When I see a dog cowering and afraid, my heart breaks again, knowing that this creature has been abused and is afraid of people. His only contact with people has made him fearful.

Dogs really are bright, wonderful creatures with simple needs, and they give so much in return. I want to share something I found recently, that I hope you will share with others.

The Dogs Bill of Rights 1. My life is likely to last 10 to 15 years. Any separation from you will be painful for me.

Remember that before you adopt me.

2. Give me time to understand what you want of me. Be patient and I will learn well.

3. Place your trust in me — it is crucial to my well-being.

4. Don’t be angry at me for long, and don’t lock me up or shut me out as punishment. You have your work, your entertainment and your friends.

All I have is you.

5. Talk to me sometimes. Even if I don’t

For the Love of Bunnies Adoption Event Saturday-Sunday, April 14-15 Petco, Evans fortheloveofbunnies@comcast.net Village Deli and Friends Annual Charity Golf Tournament A fundraising event for That’s What Friends Are For, Inc., a 501c3 that raises money for local rescues, spay and neuter, and much more.

Sunday, May 20, 1:30 p.m. tee time Goshen Plantation Golf Club To register, donate or get more information, call Village Deli at 706-736-3691 or visit thatswhatfriendsarefor.org

Ongoing Adoption Events PETCO 4209 Washington Road, Evans Saturdays, 11 a.m.-4 p.m., Sundays, 1-4 p.m.

PetSmart 225 Robert C. Daniel Parkway, Augusta Saturdays, 10 a.m.-4 p.m.

Tractor Supply 596 Bobby Jones Expressway, next to Sam’s Club Saturdays and Sundays from 1-4 p.m. understand your words, I do understand your voice when it is speaking to me.

6. Be aware that however you treat me, I will never forget it.

7. Remember before you hit me that I have teeth that could easily crush the bones of your hand but I choose not to bite you.

8. Before you scold me for being uncooperative, obstinate or lazy, ask yourself if something might be bothering me. Perhaps I’m not getting the right food, or I’ve been out in the sun or cold too long, or I am sick, or my heart is getting old and weak.

9. Take care of me when I get old; you too will grow old.

10. Go with me on difficult journeys. Never say “I can’t bear to watch it” or let things happen in your absence. Everything is easier for me if you are there.

Most of all, Remember that I love you.

Please, please be a good example to your children and your friends of good, humane animal care. Spay and neuter your pets to help curb the overpopulation and needless, senseless killing of adoptable pets. Volunteer with one of the many animal rescues in our communities. They can always use extra help, and it is a very good learning experience for youngsters.

Local Animal Rescue Organizations AARF volunteers@aarf.net

Columbia Co. Animal Services 706-541-4077

Augusta Humane Society 706-736-0186

CSRA Chihuahua Rescue 706-825-8090, 706-763-8071

Augusta-Richmond Co. Animal Services 706-790-6836

CSRA Humane Society 706-261-7387 csrshumanesociety.org

Boston Terrier Rescue of South Carolina 706-726-2221 or 803-279-8069 bostonrescueofsc.org

V. 23 | NO. 15

Feathered Friends Forever 706-556-2424 featheredfriendsforever.org

Girard Life Saver 706-871-8273, 478-569-9209 samantha@girard-lifesaver.org

Long Dog Rescue 706-854-8646 bmeismer@comcast.net

Graced Kennels 706-738-7168

Old Fella Burke County 888-846-3792 oldfella.org

Happy Tails 706-955-0438, 706-836-2708 csrahappytails@gmail.com Heartsong 706-855-1241 heartsongent@hotmail.com

STARS 706-592-4158 starsrescue.org Washington-Wilkes Humane 706-678-2287

Fundraising Organizations for Local Rescue and Spay/Neuter Efforts PawPrints Foundation 706-863-2067 pawprintsfoundation.org That’s What Friends Are For, Inc. c/o The Village Deli 706-736-3691 thatswhatfriendsarefor.org Diamonds in the Ruff, Evans diamondsintheruffcsra.org

METRO SPIRIT 04.12.12 37