Metro Spirit05022002

THE METROPOLITAN

Arts, Issues & Entertainment

May 2-8 • Vol. 13/No. 39 • Metspirit.com

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Contents The Metropolitan Spirit

3 M E T R O

www.metspirit.com

May 2-8, 2002

S P I R I T

ON THE COVER

M A Y

The Breast Test

© FSC Wallcoverings 2001

By Stacey Eidson..........................20 Cover Design: Natalie Holle Cover Story: Photo Illustration George Kolb Photo: Brian Neill

FEATURES

One Year With George Kolb By Stacey Eidson..................................................14 Making Jews Better

By Brian Neill.....................................................16

Opinion Whine Line ......................................................................4 Words ..............................................................................4 Thumbs Up, Thumbs Down ..........................................4 This Modern World ........................................................4 Suburban Torture ...........................................................6 Austin Rhodes ................................................................8 Insider ...........................................................................10

Music

Shark Devilles Leave Crowds Begging for More ......40 Music By Turner ............................................................41 Comedy: James Gregory Comes to the Imperial ......42 Nightlife .........................................................................43

Stuff

News of the Weird .......................................................46 Brezsny's Free Will Astrology .....................................47 New York Times Crossword Puzzle ............................47 Amy Alkon: The Advice Goddess ................................48 Date Maker ...................................................................49 Classifieds ....................................................................51

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Garden City Music Fest May 11 .................................24 Artist Kay Huongraj Goes Back to Basics .......................26

Events

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Up Close With David Tucker ........................................10 City Salary Adjustments Considered ...........................12

Movie Listings .............................................................28 Review: “Spider-Man” .................................................31 Movie Clock ..................................................................32

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EDITOR & PUBLISHER David Vantrease ARTS & ENTERTAINMENT EDITOR Rhonda Jones STAFF WRITERS Stacey Eidson, Brian Neill ADVERTISING SALES MANAGER Joe White ACCOUNT EXECUTIVES Kriste Lindler, Ashley Landrum PRODUCTION MANAGER Joe Smith GR APHIC ARTISTS Stephanie Carroll, Natalie Holle ASSISTANT TO THE PUBLISHER Meli Gurley RECEPTIONIST/CLASSIFIED COORDINATOR Sharon King ARTS & ENTERTAINMENT ASSISTANT Lisa Jordan CIRCULATION DIRECTOR Meli Gurley SENIOR MUSIC CONTRIBUTOR Ed Turner CONTRIBUTING WRITERS Chuck Shepherd, Rob Brezsny, Austin Rhodes, Amy Alkon, Rachel Deahl CARTOONISTS Tom Tomorrow, Julie Larson

THE METROPOLITAN SPIRIT is a free newspaper published weekly on Thursday, 52 weeks of the year. Editorial coverage includes ar ts, local issues, news, enter tainment, people, places and events. In our paper appear views from across the political and social spectrum. The views do not necessarily represent the views of the publishers. Visit us at www.metspirit.com. Copyright © The Metropolitan Spirit Inc. Reproduction or use without permission is prohibited.

Phone: (706) 738-1142 Fax: (706) 733-6663 E-mail: spirit@metspirit.com Letters to the Editor: P.O. Box 3809, Augusta, Ga. 30914-3809

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ecently, I saw the word landfill in The Metro Spirit. There’s no such thing as a landfill. Landfill is a doublespeak word for dump. Landfill is a way to keep Americans from feeling guilty about throwing so much trash away.

Doublespeak abounds these days: police are now “law enforcement officers,” and the jail at Gordon Highway and Walton Way is a law enforcement center. When the U.S. Navy, out of their own stupidity, deafens a whale with sonar, then runs into it, they label it a large biological. Are you

Thumbs Up Usually city projects take forever to even get underway, let alone be completed. But the organizers and contractors associated with the Augusta Common project, which is turning a section of blighted buildings and proper ty between Broad and Reynolds streets into an urban park, should be commended. They have wasted no time in get ting demolition completed and the early stages of construction begun on what is sure to be a gem for our city.

Augusta Common should be completed by the beginning of nex t year and serve as a great catalyst for an already booming revitalization trend.

Thumbs Down The Atlanta Journal-Constitution just ran a series of ar ticles outlining metro Atlanta's dismal school at tendance rates. Of the repor ters' findings were that, among middle-schoolers in the cit y alone, 42 percent had missed two or more weeks of school last year.

Eighteen percent from the same category had missed more than a month.

What a bunch of lost souls.

impressed by the Aquatic Center in Augusta? Don’t be, it’s nothing but a pool.

Do you refuse to fight for the fools who run the country? Well, you might avoid the draft, but you can’t avoid the selective service. Those same fools don’t tax anymore, but they do collect internal revenue.

Even war isn’t war anymore; it’s a regional contingency, or a pre-dawn vertical insertion, not waged by the war department, but by the Department of Defense.

‘Tis the season for the Sierra Club to push its clean water/clean air agenda again. Honorable issue, but consider: first, the ‘alarm scare’ that nearly ruined the Washington apple industry; next, was the gasoline additive that would produce clean exhaust, but ruined hundreds of wells. And last, the clean up of our Lake Olmstead, initiated by the environmentalists but done by the canoe and kayak clubs. Question: What is the real agenda of the Sierra Club? Answer: Much talk and misguided actions!

Linda Schrenko’s inability to raise money and her questionable ethical behavior should send a clear message for her to get out of the gubernatorial race. After previous ethics fines, being up to her ears with additional ethic violations, and insufficient statewide monetary support for her campaign, she isn’t the type of candidate I would vote for.

I’m listening to some vintage Black Sabbath (“We Sold Our Souls for Rock n’ Roll”) and thinking how great they were back then. It’s just too bad in this day and time we have to be so visual; case in point, “The Osbournes” show aired on MTV. I’m sure to some Ozzy seems to appear really cool on the show.

All I see is one of my rock idols that should’ve faded away and left us his great music. What’s next, Mick Jagger in his Depends, pushed across the stage by a fat and old Stevie Nicks? Please, someone stop them. Save our memories of a great time in rock history.

Way to go, Spirit. Thank you for reprinting the Atlanta Journal-Constitution article about Charles Walker. I know it must have cost a lot of money but it was worth

W O R D S “I could care less. You think I'm going to let a $35,000-a-year reporter with worn-out loafers determine my destiny?”

—State Sen. Charles Walker, as quoted in The Augusta Chronicle, at a recent small business conference that took place in the wake of an investigative ar ticle in The Atlanta Journal-Constitution (which The Spirit republished) that examined Walker's benefit ting financially through contracts with state and local government. Walker repor tedly told small business owners at the meeting not to apologize for doing business with government and added that he had learned the game and "play it bet ter than those who created it."

“I think it was just scared to death. It busted its nose or lip on the front glass, took off running between registers 10 and 11 and ran down aisle two.”

—An assistant manager for a Kroger in Athens, as quoted by The Associated Press, af ter a deer wandered into the store and trot ted about wildly before being intercepted and carried outside by two employees. it. For those of us in Augusta who don’t read the Atlanta paper, we would not have seen the story without you publishing it. Thank you very much.

That article about Charles Walker this week was beautiful. If we could only find out what the rest of them are doing. We know he’s (shady.) We just need to find out what the other ones are doing.

Senator Walker is only doing what the boss hog politicians of Georgia and South Carolina have been doing for years. If anybody has any complaints with him, it’s because he learned so well.

I listened to Sheriff Whittle from Columbia County on the news tonight.

He was talking about what a great deputy this female deputy is. But she was shot with her own gun while transporting a prisoner in a van. You would think the van would have a cage or the deputy would have handcuffs. It sounds like he’s trying to cover up the incompetence of his department.

Hey, how about that mayor’s Masters reception at the Julian Smith Casino?

What a great time all of the sponsors gave back to the city with all the money they

made during Masters week. They’re saying they want more people there. The reception was free to the community.

Many people say Augusta doesn’t do anything for their own. I hope that the LPGA has the same turnout on May 15th.

Everybody complains that Augusta doesn’t do anything. Get out of the house and stop your whining. Go out there and do it.

And, it’s sponsored by the mayor’s office.

How cool is that?

It’s ironic how the Richmond County Police that ticket drivers for going over the speed limit are the same ones that ride your bumper when you are going the speed limit. Everyone should start slamming on their brakes when they do that and maybe they will stop.

“I do not have a bill,” Republican Party Chairman Dave Barbee said when asked about his $5,260 delinquent bill. “I didn’t think I was delinquent. Oh, God!” He vacillated between anger and shame when told by a Chronicle reporter that his name was on the county’s delinquent taxpayer list. After a period of apparent shock, Mr. Barbee checked with the tax office, learned he did owe the taxes, and paid them. “This is ridiculous,” he said. “It continued on page 6

5 M E T R O

Committed to Exceptional Care

S P I R I T

MCG Health System Welcomes…

M A Y 2 2 0 0 2

David D. Bogorad, M.D., F.A.C.S., Associate Professor of Ophthalmology, Director of Refractive Surgery Service at MCG Eye Care

Wendy Gram Brick, M.D., Assistant Professor of Medicine, Department of Medicine/Section of Hematology/ Oncology

Stephen L. Byrd, M.D., Assistant Professor of Psychiatry, Department of Psychiatry and Health Behavior

Ayaz Chaudhary, M.D., Assistant Professor of Medicine, Department of Medicine/Section of Gastroenterology

As the director of the geropsychiatry program

Dr. Chaudhary is a gastroenterologist and

Dr. Bogorad has had extensive experience in

Dr. Brick is board certified in both internal

cataract and laser vision correction surgery and is the director of MCG’s new laser vision

medicine and medical oncology; she specializes in treating cancer patients.

at MCG, Dr. Byrd treats older adults with problems such as depression, anxiety and

has received specialized training to treat patients with gastrointestinal tract diseases,

memory loss.

including those of the esophagus, stomach, small intestine, colon, pancreas and liver.

Bruce Goeckeritz, M.D., Assistant Professor of Medicine, Department of Medicine/Section of Rheumatology

D. Stephen Goggans, M.D., Assistant Professor, Department of Medicine/ Section of General Internal Medicine

As a rheumatologist, Dr. Goeckeritz specializes in caring for patients suffering from rheumatoid arthritis, lupus, gout and other forms of arthritis.

Dr. Goggans treats adults with a wide range of conditions, including hypertension, diabetes, heart problems and depression; he also provides counseling on disease prevention.

Fernando Gomez, M.D., Assistant Professor, Department of Obstetrics and Gynecology/Division of Reproductive Endocrinology, Infertility and Genetics

Patricia Hanks, O.D., Optometrist, Department of Ophthalmology

Ingle Owens-Schnars, M.D., Assistant Professor, Department of Medicine/ Section of General Internal Medicine

Zenong Yin, Ph.D., Professor of Pediatrics, Georgia Prevention Institute, MCG

Dr. Owens-Schnars treats adults with a wide range of conditions, including hypertension, diabetes, heart problems and depression; she also provides counseling on disease prevention.

Dr. Yin is a specialist in health promotion.

His research examines the individual and ecological determinants of physical activity, healthy diet and substance use.

correction center.

Adelina M. Emmi, M.D., Associate Professor, Department of Obstetrics and Gynecology/Division of Reproductive Endocrinology, Infertility and Genetics Dr. Emmi sees patients with problems getting pregnant, abnormal menstrual cycles and hair growth, menopause, and early or late sexual development; she also provides counseling for hereditary diseases.

Inderpal Singh Gujral, M.D., Assistant Professor of Medicine, Department of Medicine/Section of Cardiology Dr. Gujral is a cardiac electrophysiologist in the section of cardiology and provides specialized care in the management of arrhythmias, pacemakers and defibrillators.

Dr. Hanks provides comprehensive eye exams, evaluations for refractive surgery services and the fitting of cosmetic, specialty and therapeutic contact lenses.

MCG is committed to being on the forefront of medical research and treatment. As the region’s only academic medical center, we attract top physicians and medical professionals from across the country and around the world. We are proud to introduce these newest additions to our team.

For more information or to schedule an appointment, call 721-CARE (2273) or visit our website at MCGHealth.org.

Dr. Gomez sees patients with problems getting pregnant, abnormal menstrual cycles and hair growth, menopause, and early or late sexual development; he also provides counseling for hereditary diseases.

6 M E T R O S P I R I T

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continued from page 4 really burns me that you know, and I don’t know. I’m deeply embarrassed because I didn’t know.”

Which moron decided to build the golf and gardens thing? What a waste of money. What did that cost to build — a few million? A few million that could have been spent on other things downtown Augusta needs to try and catch up to the rest of the world. I passed by this waste of time and money every day during the Masters and never saw more than two cars in the lot, probably the employees. Use the money in other ways. Fix all the bumps in the road on Broad Street. and change the time the trains run through instead of the middle of rush hour. Fix the pavement near the tracks so that you don’t feel like you drove off of a cliff when crossing them. If you morons could use the money correctly for something that would be of use to the citizens and businesses of downtown, we might have a nice downtown area that could compare to the ones in Charleston and Columbia. If it were not for small businesses downtown opening up and bringing some life back, it would just be another catastrophe by our local government. If we cleaned downtown up and advertised it a little, maybe you could get some of the Masters crowd to come downtown and enjoy it. You wonder why none of the businesses downtown made any significant money during Masters.

I’ve been smoking pot for over 20 years.

I’ve never hurt anyone or even compromised their health or safety. I really resent these ads we’re seeing where they equate buying a bag of weed with funding terrorism. Do they think I’m smoking gasoline?

I contribute enough to terrorism already at the gas pump. This sort of transparent

Suburban Torture by Julie Larson

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hype is of no benefit. I’m bothered that someone used my tax dollars to produce such misguided tripe. It seems to me that the federal government should get wise and legalize. Marijuana is not cocaine or heroin. It can create an all-new revenue from imposed cannabis taxes — like has been similarly done already with other legal drugs like alcohol and tobacco.

Either that, or make it all illegal. Then, we’ll see how that works out.

Channel 66: For goodness sake, please do not air the commissioners’ meetings during Masters week. Don’t you realize the potential growth that could be created by CEOs and entrepreneurs visiting our area during this particular week? If you feel you must air this, at least voice over Marion Williams with James Earl Jones’ voice. Show Williams’ lips move as Jones says something intelligent.

I want to whine about the Moore-Avery basketball court on Wheeler Road. At night, the people pull their cars up to the court and use their headlights to light the court. If it were Columbia County, they would have a stadium light. These kids just want to stay out of trouble in a crime-infested neighborhood. We could at least get them a light.

Is it just my imagination or does it just seem like the final round of the Masters was five years ago?

As Governor Hodges blocks the federal shipment of plutonium to SRS, he should be charged with the federal crime of interfering with interstate commerce.

Former Columbia County Commissioner Pete Brodie said he wants to stay away from politics. Why then did he stand with Fleming, and then he was pho-

tographed endorsing him? Does Brodie really have political aspirations or is it a matter of not being able to stay out of the limelight? I’d say Pete talks a better game than he plays, and he continues to be less than completely forthright.

State Superintendent Schrenko can now take election contributions again since the Legislature is out of session. I’ll bet she will be able to raise another $2,000 by election time and really throw a scare into Roy Barnes!

I just finished your article on crossdressers, drag queens, female impersonators or whatever they want to call themselves. Yuck!

God forbid some outsider criticize Augusta, even though we locals do it all the time. I have lived here all my life and I am more appalled at how this city presents itself during the Masters than the insensitive comments of TV broadcasters.

First impressions are everything, and the first impression a visitor to Augusta gets is that the city is nothing more than bland strip malls, fast-food joints, billboards and parking lots. This is not the scene one would expect to find outside other world-renowned golf courses like Pebble Beach or Saint Andrews. What’s even worse is that the city does absolutely nothing to promote itself during Masters week like hosting a festival downtown to show visitors that there is more to the city than just Washington Road.

OK Augusta, this is a wake up call! Two weeks in a row The Spirit features “cover” bands in the Entertainment sec-

tion of the paper. Where’s the originality here folks? Why in the world would you feature an unoriginal “cover” band as opposed to an up and coming all original major label band such as 2 Skinnee J’s, who just recently came to our city for the first time, and rocked the house! You failed to feature them even though you had more than ample time to get involved! Instead you went with a mundane cover band two weeks in a row!

Surely there are some original bones somewhere in this city and paper? I beg you: Wake up.

It sure would be nice if the sheriff living in my neighborhood would obey the leash law; I’m not the only one who’s sick of being chased by his pet dog. Boy, what a way to set an example, dude.

I won’t call them drag queens, I’ll call them downright ugly!

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7 M E T R O

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A Special Connect Live at ATLANTA’s TURNER FIELD

Friday • May 3 • 2314 Tobacco Rd. Saturday • May 4 at the Richmond County Central Shop

In-depth look at Georgia’s Baseball Theme Park

1568 Broad Street, Augusta, across from U-Haul

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For the whiner who said, “what Gov. Jim Hodges and 90 percent of the politicians and public know about plutonium and other radioactive products could be stuffed into a thimble,” you forgot to add yourself. I can show you about 34 million reasons for continuing process operations at SRS, one gallon at a time. Or would you rather I just pump it to Savannah, since that’s not your back yard? I tire of people whining about my job when they have no clue; Get One! — Call our Whine Line at 510-2051 and leave your comments. We won’t use your name. Fax your whines by dialing (706) 733-6663 or e-mail your whines to whine@metspirit.com

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Opinion: Austin Rhodes

Sorry Parents Create Sorry Students

W

ell, saints be praised, we finally found a local principal who tells it like it is.

Somebody give Euchee Creek Elementary principal Wanda Golosky a gold star. The feisty school official is one of the only local educators I have ever seen to publicly throw bad test scores back in the faces of the idiots ultimately responsible for them: sorry parents.

I know Euchee Creek well. My nephew is a student there; my sister-in-law has been very active in the PTA; and I have come to know a number of teachers and other staffers there as personal friends.

A better infrastructure you could not ask for. The personnel are top-notch and the facility sparkles.

Most of the parents and students at the school are serious and committed. But that ain’t all of them.

Euchee Creek has come under fire (as well as other Columbia County, Grovetown, and North Harlem elementary schools) because as a Title 1 school, they have failed to meet certain testing standards for the last two years. A school is considered “Title 1” if 30 percent or more of the student body qualifies for free or reduced lunch. If the schools continually fail to meet the testing standards, federal law allows parents to move their kids to any other county school of their choosing, with the taxpayers picking up the transportation costs.

Ironically, all students get the opportunity to move. Even the kids who did poorly on the tests, causing the problem in the first place.

In Columbia County, there is no epidemic of stupidity creating the testing shortfall; it is a poor showing from a very small number of kids.

At Euchee Creek, it is in fact 20 students (including eight special education students) who fall short.

Principal Golosky, no doubt a tad defensive over the suggestion that her school was somehow inferior, decided to let the world know the true story behind those “substandard” test scores. At a recent PTA meeting, she revealed the following background information about the little scholars who tested poorly.

• Collectively, they have missed 1,074 days since kindergarten.

• One pupil missed 164 days of school from kindergarten through fourth grade.

• One pupil was tardy 174 times.

• Collectively, they have been tardy 428 times since kindergarten.

When I read the preceding information in Melissa Hall’s Augusta Chronicle article covering the matter, I damn near danced a jig.

While Golosky didn’t get as loud about it as I would have, she did make her point very clear: The school system can’t make chicken salad out of chicken poop. If parents don’t care enough to get their kids to school, on time and ready to learn, there is little educators can be expected to do.

And don’t think it is about just “showing up.” I would be willing to wager most of these students receive less intellectual interaction at home than the family goldfish.

It is time BOE Chairman Wayne Bridges and Superintendent Tommy Price became

as aggressive as Wanda Golosky. Bridges and Price need to start examining a few of these cases closely, and if needed, have parents prosecuted for truancy and neglect.

Chairman Bridges’ brother-in-law was one of my best friends at Westside High School. While Sandy Myers and I would never have been mistaken for STAR students, we also knew there was only so much BS we could get away with. Sandy and Austin behaved and showed up (for the most part) because we knew Fred Myers and Bob Rhodes would have killed us if we didn’t. We succeeded in the public schools not because of the teachers, principals, or school board members, but because our parents made us.

Individual pride and a natural thirst for knowledge came later. Our first and most basic educational inspiration was fear of disappointing our parents. That fear serves me to this day.

Until school officials start confronting this reality and addressing it honestly, underachievers will continue to proliferate. Good students aren’t made at school; they are made at home. Thank goodness there are a few Wanda Goloskys who preach that message.

Quick Sports Notes

Longtime Augusta Lynx nemesis the Mobile Mystics are closing up shop and moving to Gwinnett County. Dig this quote from Wednesday’s Atlanta Journal Constitution: “For the Gwinnett Civic and Cultural Center, having a team finally in place will make it easier to market the arena and other parts of the facility, said Preston Williams, general manager. He said the team likely will pay between $25,000 and $50,000 per game to rent the space, based on attendance, but said that doesn’t include possible expenses.”

Twenty-five to 50 grand a game? Wow, sounds like the Lynx have a hell of a deal to me.

From Pittsburgh

And finally, since you won’t read about this in The Augusta Chronicle, NFL Rookie of the Year and Augusta native Kendrell Bell is on the move, so says my old buddy Ed Bouchette in the Pittsburgh Post-Gazette: “Kendrell Bell, who burst into the Steelers defense like a Zambelli fireworks display last season, slipped out of his spot at inside linebacker and lined up at right defensive end yesterday morning. Then, Coach Bill Cowher announced plans to put him there this season.”

Bell will only play the new position during obvious passing situations, but it is a move that could have explosive returns.

The former Laney and UGA star is regarded by many as the best young pass rusher in the NFL. — The views expressed in this column are the views of the writer and do not necessarily represent the views of the publisher. The archived Austin Rhodes columns can now be seen at www.wgac.com.

Opinion: Insider

Chief Few in Trouble. Where Are His Friends Now?

F

ormer Augusta Fire Chief Ronnie from an independent organization, but from Few is the kind of guy who attracts a company owned by a friend of his. Few’s attention wherever he goes. During explanation that the mistake was made by his controversial days in Augusta, an administrative assistant is not holding Few was viewed by his friends as a firstwater with his employers. class, progressive fire chief who was Some of his underlings have also been wrongly criticized by white Augustans singled out for errors in their resumes. because he is black. Never mind that people Coincidentally, these subordinates were within the department accused him of previously employed by the East Point, favoritism, he was a headline-seeking ego Ga., fire department, the same department maniac; he was investigated by the special grand jury; there are still questions about $10,000 in moving expenses he received when he came to Augusta; and he exited our city for a job in Washington, D.C., leaving behind a pile of Lee Beard Ronnie Few bills for the city to pay off. Never mind all that.

No. All that didn’t prevent four of Few’s closest Augusta friends from traveling to Washington, D.C., to defend him during confirmation hearWillie Mays Marion Williams ings before D.C. city officials.

Remember the infamous four? Augusta Few worked for prior to coming to Commissioners Lee Beard, Willie Mays, Augusta. Few and his associates just aren’t and Marion Williams, along with political passing the smell test, even by Washington insider J.R. Riles, jumped into Mays’ standards. (Remember Marion Barry?)

Lincoln Navigator and high-tailed it to Local political insiders have suggested Washington to make sure everyone in D.C. over the past week that Few may yet have and the world realized that Few was just to answer questions lingering in Augusta. super and Augusta was a backward, racist Sources report that the Special Grand Jury town, still fighting the Civil War. will be terminated soon and make its final Now, Augusta is backward in some ways: presentments. These sources suggest that There are racists among us (across color Few could be brought back to face allegalines) and lots of local folks take their tions. There is a lingering cloud of suspiConfederate flag seriously. But for three cion surrounding Few’s activities in elected officials to grandstand publicly Augusta. Whether this transpires or not, while trashing the city they were elected to Few’s professional image has now been represent was and is a disgrace. And all in permanently damaged and four local defense of a questionable character (Few) yokels from Augusta won’t change that simply because he is a black man. no matter where they travel in that These gentlemen must now sit by and Lincoln Navigator. watch as reports out of Washington indicate Please, Ronnie Few. Do not come back that Few has been placed on administrative to Augusta. It is reported that you own a leave for 30 days by city officials in home in Columbia County. Sell it. Rent it.

Washington, D.C. Fire officials indicate Make it available for relatives. But, please, he is expected to resign his position as fire stay away. We have more than enough chief within days. If not, city officials sug- image problems already. gest he will be fired.

It seems the chief has made a few “cleri—The views expressed in this column are the cal errors” on his resume. He has claimed views of The Insider and do not necessarily a degree that he doesn’t have and an award represent the views of the publisher. as Firefighter of the Year that came, not

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rom behind a closed door at the Art Factory, someone is beating a tune on an African drum. And giggling. It seems to prove wrong all those who think a place with a name like the Art Factory caters only to those interested in the visual arts.

For David Tucker, executive director of the non-profit organization, the fusion of two- and three-dimensional visual art, dance, theatre, music appreciation and exploration and creative writing is a cornerstone of the Art Factory’s mission.

“We keep a broad definition of fine arts,” he says. “I don’t think there’s another place in the community quite like it.”

Since its creation in the mid-1990s, the Art Factory has moved a few times — most recently in December of 2001 — but has remained a fixture on Crawford Avenue in Harrisburg. “We’re glad to be here, even though some may see it as a disadvantage because we’re not near the rest of the fine arts community,” says Tucker. “We’re sort of off the beaten path, but a huge number of people come down that street, make a left turn and get on the Calhoun Expressway. It could become a path.”

The path by which Tucker came to be executive director of the Art Factory isn’t as straightforward as one would think. Although he’s been interested in visual art since childhood, it wasn’t something he decided to pursue as a career until he became executive director of the Art Factory a little over a year ago. Before that, Tucker held various directorial positions at the Medical College of Georgia and at the University of Georgia.

“After I retired from MCG, I wanted to do something different,” Tucker says. And while some of his duties at the Art Factory aren’t that much different than those he had at the Medical College of Georgia, he concludes that, “It’s not the same thing.

It’s a totally different setting.”

The Art Factory is settled comfortably into two houses which are next door to each other on Crawford Avenue. The interior of the building used for administration — and soon to be used as a gallery — is painted a warm cream, causing large paintings in varying shades of purple and blue to catch the eye. Next door, the building in which many of the Art Factory’s programs take place shows signs that little artists have been there: what look like papier-mâché bowls dry upside down on a paint-spattered table; clay cutouts and sculptures in

angular lines and curves wait patiently to be fired in the Art Factory’s kiln; and of course, there is the ever-present sound of the drum.

During the day, the Art Factory opens its doors to children who are currently home-schooled, though the majority of its programs are after-school and are taught either in the Art Factory’s facilities or off-site at schools in the Augusta community. “This organization really came into being to provide some afterschool, constructive arts experiences for Augusta. We provide a high-quality fine arts experience, primarily to young people, and support development of skills like discipline, analytical thinking and creative expression. And this is all regardless of their financial situation,” says Tucker. The Art Factory also teams up with other non-profit agencies in the area to offer art instruction and better the community.

“I think I’m helping to provide these opportunities to children and adults who want to take advantage of them,” Tucker says.

And soon, the Art Factory will be known not only for providing art instruction, but for its innovative exhibits as well. “We’re new to the

gallery concept,” says Tucker. “We’re going to test that. The idea is that we could be a place for artists to have their first show.”

Though Tucker says an organization like the Art Factory, because of its relatively young age, small size and its location, faces a challenge to become more visible, it is a challenge he greets with a smile. When asked what he enjoys most about his job, Tucker sits back and thinks for a minute.

“It’s hard to narrow it down. I enjoy seeing people in the classes. It may sound cliché, but being able to walk next door or down the street to the dance studio and see people, primarily young people, getting connected to these fine arts experiences — it’s good to see that it actually happens,” he says. “They’re excited and proud of what they create.”

Another thing Tucker revels in is the connections he has been able to make in the Augusta fine arts community. “I really enjoy meeting a whole new group of professionals,” he says, citing directors of other non-profit organizations and directors of performing arts organizations as examples. “From a personal standpoint, it’s given me a whole new group of people to become part of.”

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MetroBeat City Salary Adjustments Considered

By Stacey Eidson

I

t looks like a big payday is finally on its way for city employees. Maybe even two months earlier than originally anticipated.

On April 29, City Administrator George Kolb explained to the Augusta Commission’s administrative services committee that the city could implement its salary reclassification program by June 1, instead of August, as budgeted by the commission in February.

The salary reclassification program has been developed over the last several months to make appropriate increases in the city’s pay grades and salary structure in order to remain competitive with comparable job markets.

Kolb said the new salary structure will aid the city in attracting professional personnel, retaining qualified workers and motivating all employees by rewarding them for outstanding performance on the job.

“We are not only looking at just salaries, we are also looking at the value of the workforce to the organization,” Kolb said. “And in several cases, what we have created are career ladders for positions that are low in the organization.”

For example, Kolb said there are water plant operators in the city’s water treatment plant who have the opportunity to qualify for five different licenses that they can get either through training, taking classes or on-the-job experience.

“What we are proposing, is that a person at the water treatment plant who comes into the organization would automatically be set in the bottom (of the position’s salary range), but as they acquire the necessary experience, training, and the actual license – like going from a class 5 (license) to a class 4 – they would automatically be given a pay increase,” Kolb said.

Deputy Administrator Fred Russell also explained that for those employees whose salaries are not affected by the pay grade changes, there is a longevity pay system that will award employees additional pay based on their years of service to the city.

Under this system, employees would receive a 0.5-percent increase in their salary for every 1-year period they are employed with the city up to five years for a maximum of a 2.5-percent longevity increase. Employees with 10 years of service or more will receive an additional 1 percent for a maximum 3.5-percent increase.

And for those employees whose salaries may be only slightly affected by the reclassification program, they will be given the higher of the two possible salary increases from either the pay grade change or the longevity plan.

“There is no impact on individual salaries other than positive,” Russell said.

“Nobody will lose any money based on this program. You either go to the minimum of the new pay scale if you are not already there or you will get a percentage increase based on your years of service.”

“Every employee in the organization will get some sort of an upward adjustment as a result of this,” Mayor Bob Young added.

There are two additional programs Kolb said he would like to implement in the future that would deal with a basic training program and a tuition reimbursement program.

“We are finding that many within our own workforce cannot read, cannot write, cannot carry out simple kinds of mathematical equations,” Kolb said. “And we would like to provide them the opportunity to acquire those skills and prepare themselves for a GED, for example, and also prepare themselves to take advantage of opportunities for career advancement within the organization.”

While Commissioner Bill Kuhlke seemed supportive of the administrator’s suggestion of implementing the employee pay increase earlier than anticipated, he wondered how that would affect the 2002 budget the commission approved in February.

“Since the commission, with the exception of public safety, approved this (salary

“Every employee in the organization will get some sort of an upward adjustment as a result of this.”

– Augusta Mayor Bob Young

reclassification) effective Aug. 1, and one of the reasons that we did this was the finance chairman was concerned that we needed to build up the contingency, if we approve the reclassifications and we consider making these effective earlier than Aug. 1, what is it going to do to us from the expense standpoint?” Kuhlke asked. “And what affect will it have on the contingency?”

Kolb said regardless of which date the commission chooses, it will not affect the budget.

“We have enough in the budget without dipping into contingency to implement this,” Kolb said. “We had a million dollars to start with, we put $500,000 into contingency, we have in order to implement this program $500,000 in the general fund and we will implement this program for less than half a million even if we implement it on June 1.”

The only concern Commissioner Tommy Boyles had with the salary increases was that he thought they were a little top-heavy.

“When we did the salary compensation for the sheriff’s department (in March), we agreed to start with increases from the sergeants down (to the deputies),” Boyles said.

“This looks like to me that we kind of started from the top and worked our way down.

“It concerns me that the people in parks (department), these people in public works, these people in animal control ... who we are still going to bring in to chase these badass dogs around, we are going to bring them in at $17,000 a year,” Boyles said.

“That’s where I was hoping we would be able to alleviate and remedy some of those salary problems we were having at the bottom.”

Commissioner Richard Colclough agreed, saying that if the county isn’t careful it will begin to lose the heart of its workforce in areas like public works, recreation and animal control.

“I think if I’m going to chase snakes and dogs and cats, I would be looking at the private sector rather than staying in Richmond County,” Colclough said.

But Commissioner Andy Cheek made a motion to accept the salary reclassification program as presented by the administrator and to implement the increases by June 1.

“We cannot have government paying more than the private sector does because the government relies on the private sector to pay its bills,” Cheek said.

Cheek’s motion was unanimously accepted by the committee and will go before the full commission for approval on May 7.

MCG Community Education Calendar

May 2002

For additional information, directions to class locations or to register, call 706-721-CARE (2273) or 1-800-736-CARE. You may also visit our website at MCGHealth.org.

Special Events

Family Health

Children’s Miracle Network Broadcast Saturday, June 1, 9 p.m.– Sunday, June 2, 6 p.m.

I CAN COPE Thursdays, May 2–May 23, 6:30 p.m.

The MCG Children’s Medical Center and News Channel 12 will be broadcasting the Children’s Miracle Network LIVE from the CMC lobby.

Please watch and phone in a pledge, or stop by the CMC. Remember, 100% of your donation stays in your community to help ensure a brighter future for our kids!

CMC Lobby

Safe On Wheels Rodeo May 4, 10 a.m. –1 p.m.

Help celebrate National SAFE KIDS Week, May 4-11 by attending the kick-off event: “Use your head – wear a helmet.” Learn safety tips for bike riding, skateboarding and other activities on wheels.

Augusta State University, 2500 Walton Way

Developed by the American Cancer Society, this program is for cancer patients, their families and loved ones to learn about various topics related to living with cancer.

MCG Cancer Center Waiting Room, First Floor

American Cancer Society’s Freshstart Program Wednesdays, 10 a.m.

Education and support for individuals as they quit smoking.

MCG Family Medicine Conference, Room 1134

Augusta MS Center’s “MorSel for Thought” Tuesday, May 28, 12–1 p.m.

Brennan Francois, motivational speaker, will present “Hang in There,” an educational lecture for people with multiple sclerosis and their families and friends. Registration required.

MCG Small Auditorium

Parenting and Childbirth Education

Support Groups

OB Tours Thursday, May 2 and Monday, May 13, 5:30–6:30 p.m.

MCG Breast Cancer Support Group First Thursday of each month 7–8:30 p.m.

Meet at Concierge’s Desk on the 7th floor of MCG Hospital

Education and support for individuals with breast cancer.

Baby Fest Saturday, May 4th, All day

MCG Day Surgery Procedure Waiting Room

Expectant parents and parents of infants can ask questions and obtain information about parenting.

Children/Teen Support Group First Thursday of each month 7–8:30 p.m.

Babies "R" Us, 220 Bobby Jones Highway

Breast-feeding Class Tuesday, May 14, 7–9 p.m.

CMC Conference Center, First Floor

For children and teens with a mother, significant other or family member dealing with breast cancer.

MCG Student Center

SIBSHOPS Saturday, May 18, 10 a.m.–1 p.m.

A program for siblings of children with special health and developmental needs. Sessions are fun with lots of activity.

CMC Conference Center, First Floor $5

Wee Wisdom Every Wednesday, 12–1 p.m.

Educational program for parents of children under 5. Topics address normal child development issues as well as those of children with special needs such as discipline, child safety, child care and motor skills. Call for schedule.

CMC Family Resource Library, First Floor

All classes are offered to the community free of charge unless otherwise noted.

Tomorrow’s Medicine, Here Today.

SM

14 M E T R O S P I R I T

One Year With

George Kolb

M A Y 2 2 0 0 2

A

few short months after George Kolb arrived in Augusta last year, The Metropolitan Commerce) is experiencing is that they have spread themselves so thin by trying to deal with both Spirit was a little tough on the new city administrator during its first sit-down regional and local economic development and I don’t think it can be done effectively with one interview with him. agency.”

Back then, Kolb had acted more than a little annoyed by certain direct questions “I would support a regional economic development agency to be created to look at only asked of him about his staffing plans and proposed salaries for a couple of new recruiting and attracting economic development to the region,” Kolb added. “But then the localpositions in the administrator’s office. ities actually taking on the responsibility of trying to strengthen the local economy by involving Kolb’s evasiveness and rigid demeanor had earned him the comparison to former U.S. Rep. themselves in retention and expansion of existing businesses.”

Gary Condit during his now infamous interview with Connie Chung.

Kolb strongly believes, despite the current instability of the nation’s economy, Augusta will My how things have changed in one year. continue to grow and the city planners need to be prepared to handle it.

Whether it’s been Kolb’s battles with the city’s trash hauler, his determination to present a “I think the challenge is going to be whether or not we can manage that growth positively or if balanced 2002 city budget, or his patience with a we are going to let growth manage us,” Kolb said. sometimes seemingly impossible Augusta Commission, Kolb gave as an example, Houston, Texas, which he George Kolb has learned how to handle pressure. feels is a planner’s nightmare and has lost control of its These days, just call him, Mr. Mellow. growth.

“It’s been a learning process,” Kolb said, sitting down “Houston developed over a period of years with no in his office on May 29, after a full day of committee planning and no zoning, so consequently you have meetings with the Augusta Commission. The adminisresidential neighborhoods in the middle of huge industrator’s office is empty. All of the employees have gone trial parks and smoke stacks,” Kolb said. “It’s a mess. I home. But Kolb is still trying to finish up his day. think in order to keep that from happening to us, the May 1 was exactly one year since Kolb’s first day as community needs to get involved in what happens to administrator of Augusta-Richmond County. And what a itself. year it has been.

“Neighborhoods need to care about their appearance Kolb came to Augusta from Richmond, Va., where and what goes on. The government can’t do it, special from 1992 to Jan. 2001, he was the deputy city manager interest groups can’t do it, only the neighborhoods and and director of public utilities. the community can do it at-large.”

Augusta is a whole different world from Richmond, Augusta is a city with great potential, Kolb said.

Kolb said.

“Augusta is a vibrant town, one of golf’s greats,” Kolb “Augusta is in transition, from a small town environsaid. “That’s what attracted me, other than the challenge ment to something like Richmond, which is larger and of the job and all. Augusta has a mystique about it that probably more sophisticated and mature in the systems kind of makes you wonder if there isn’t something and the policies that they have,” Kolb said. “For example, unique about it. And there is. Augusta is a unique town.”

Richmond’s budgeting process is a lot more advanced But Kolb acknowledged that sometimes he’s not sure than Augusta’s process, but we’ll get there.” if the local media sees beyond the stories they are This year, it wasn’t until Feb. 21 that the Augusta covering that day.

Commission was able to approve a balanced 2002 “I think the local media is Augusta’s biggest budget. According to the city’s ordinance, commis- “It’s difficult to please 11 individuals. But it’s helpful booster, but at the same time it’s the city’s biggest sioners are supposed to have the budget approved by when you look at all 11 (Augusta commissioners detractor,” Kolb said. “When the media engages in their last meeting in December. either of those extremes, I think they do a great job of and mayor) as being one entity and try and cater getting their point across.

“I wasn’t surprised the budget process went into 2002,” Kolb said. “We gave the budget to the commission in late “I mean, the coverage during the Masters is great. But to that one thought or that consensus.”

December and didn’t have a lot of time between then and also the coverage of all of the confusion and things that – City Administrator George Kolb happen in the local government is devastating.” the end of the year to do much. Probably a month’s worth of work on the budget by the commission is necessary, so Naturally, before out-of-town applicants for a city it went into the following year.” position are interviewed, they usually try to do a little In order to prevent that from happening again, Kolb and the commissioners are talking about research on Augusta. And the first source they will look to is the local media’s Web sites. creating a new timetable that would force the commission to approve next year’s budget by the This year, many of the articles and television broadcasts on the Augusta Commission haven’t last commission meeting in November. been too complimentary.

During the initial stages of the 2002 budget process, Kolb unsettled some Richmond County For example, the news media jumped on the fact that it took the Augusta Commission three taxpayers by suggesting that the commission approve a 3.2-millage-rate increase this fall. After different votes and several months to decide to hire the city’s new fire chief, Al Gillespie. further budget negotiations and some additional cuts to the city’s larger departments like public Fortunately, Kolb said, he hasn’t found that those stories have discouraged too many people works and recreation, the commission settled on a proposed 1.735-millage-rate increase this year. from coming to work for Augusta-Richmond County.

“Either raising taxes or cutting services is never an easy sell, but I think the more you can “I haven’t noticed a difference in the number of applications received for any given job either explain why you have to raise taxes or cut services, the more the community understands the before that (fire chief) incident or after,” Kolb said. “For example, I recruited for an assistant dilemma that we are in,” Kolb said. “And if we can demonstrate what the dollars are being used administrator’s position before all of that happened and I got 250 applicants. And now I’m refor, in terms of providing essential services, I think it will be an easier sell.” advertising and I’m getting just as many, if not more.

Unfortunately, Kolb said, the commission cannot boast any new programs coming out of the “And, I think an important point is, it didn’t dissuade the fire chief from eventually coming. budgeted increase in the millage rate this year.

And probably the debate was great for the community. Because when you have debates like that, “All of the money has been earmarked for public safety, to maintain those services,” Kolb said. communities grow.”

“If I had my druthers, I would like to see us invest in economic development, both locally and Kolb also said, whenever he interviews potential employees, he makes sure they understand from a regional point of view.”

Kolb had originally budgeted to create a division of economic development within the city government for Augusta in 2002, but that idea quickly fell by the wayside as the commission began looking for budget cuts.

But Kolb is still determined to eventually see his idea come to fruition.

“I think there are two levels of economic development. One at the regional level and the other at the local level,” Kolb said. “I think the problem that the (Augusta Metro Chamber of

By Stacey Eidson

“I think the problem that the (Augusta Metro Chamber of Commerce) is experiencing is that they have spread themselves so thin by trying to deal with both regional and local economic development and I don’t think it can be done effectively with one agency.”

- City Administrator George Kolb what they are facing if they decide to accept the job.

“I don’t sugarcoat it,” Kolb said. “I really don’t. I tell them what it’s all about. Here is what you are getting into.”

“And some of them will say, ‘I don’t want to put up with that.’ I have heard some people tell me that,” Kolb added. “But others have said that they consider it to be a challenge and they’d like to come. Or, sometimes, the place they are in is perceived to be worse than coming to Augusta.”

One of the big topics of debate this year has been whether Augusta’s administrator should have the authority to hire and fire department heads. While some commissioners have agreed that Kolb should be given that power, several others, such as Augusta Commissioner Marion Williams, are adamantly against it.

While Kolb has asked the commission to give him the ability to hire and fire employees, he said it is not something that he is constantly pursuing.

“It would make the job of day-to-day administration of the government a lot easier,” Kolb said. “But is it my No. 1 priority and am I going to worry about whether I’m going to get it or not? I’m not going to dwell on it. We’re going to do the best job with the tools that we

are given and move on.”

Kolb did, however, say that he was happy to find most members of the local legislative delegation and the community supporting his position in the matter.

“It’s gratifying to know that others feel the same way,” Kolb said. “But, at the end of the day, it’s really the commission that has to make that decision and I respect and honor that.”

Kolb says he characterizes his relationship with the 10 commissioners and the mayor as being “really good.”

“It’s difficult to please 11 individuals,” Kolb said. “But it’s helpful when you look at all 11 as being one entity and try and cater to that one thought or that consensus. It’s not easy, but it becomes a little easier if you know exactly where the majority is going or where they want you to go.”

And as far as all of the warnings he received when he came to town about the dreaded “Augusta politics,” Kolb said it’s not such a horrendous monster.

“Every town has its politics and Augusta is no different,” Kolb said. “Does it play a part in my job? It has an influence, which is why I try to stay out of politics.”

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Invitations for Bids The Housing Authority of The City of Augusta, Georgia will receive bids in the Board Room of the J. Madden Reid Administration Building, 1425 Walton Way, Augusta, Georgia 30901 until 2:00 P.M., (local time) in Augusta, Georgia on May 21, 2002, for the Construction of a New Area Office at Olmstead Homes GA06P001001/001A. Augusta, Georgia. At the time and place noted above, the bids will be publicly opened and read aloud.

Contract documents, including drawings and specifications, are on file at the office of The Housing Authority of The City of Augusta, Georgia, 1425 Walton Way, Augusta, Georgia 30901. Bidding documents may be obtained at the office of the Housing Authority of the City of Augusta, Georgia 1425 Walton Way, The Madden Reid Building, Augusta, Georgia 30901.

Bidders are requested to inspect the property as well as operations and conditions that may be affected. Arrangements shall be made for inspecting the site by contacting the Housing Authority at (706) 724-5466 ext. 40 (Mr. Richard Arfman, Director of Planning and Development).

The Contract, if awarded, will be on the basis of the lowest base bid from a responsible bidder. No bid may be withdrawn for a period of sixty (60) days after time has been called on date of bid opening. Bids must be accompanied by a bid bond or cashier's check, made payable to The Housing Authority of The City of Augusta, Georgia, in an amount of not less than 5% of the base bid if the bid exceeds $40,000. The Housing Authority of the City of Augusta, Georgia reserves the right to accept or reject any bids and to waive and informalities and technicalities in the bidding process.

The successful bidder will be required to furnish and pay for both a Performance Bond and a Payment Bond or bonds in an amount equal to 100% of the contract price, if the bid exceeds $40,000, along with a Builder's Risk Insurance Policy and other insurance requirements in accordance with the General Conditions.

Attention is called to the provisions for equal employment opportunity and to the requirement that not less than minimum salaries and wages as set forth in the specifications must be paid on this project. The work to be performed under this contract is subject to the requirements of Section 3 of the HUD Act of 1968, as amended, 12 U.S.C.1701u (Section 3). The purpose of Section 3 is to insure that employment and other economic opportunities generated by HUD assistance or HUD-assisted projects covered by Section 3, shall, to the greatest extent feasible, be directed to low and very low-income persons, particularly persons who are recipient of HUD assistance for Housing. The Housing Authority of The City of Augusta, Georgia has established a goal of awarding 20% of the dollar value of contracts to Minority Business Enterprises. General contractors should contact the Georgia Department of Labor, Veteran Outreach Program at 601 Greene Street for qualified veteran owned business.

— The Housing Authority of The City of Augusta, Georgia

By Jacob L. Oglesby, Executive Director

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15 M E T R O S P I R I T M A Y 2 2 0 0 2

16 M E T R O

Making Better Jews

S P I R I T M A Y 2 2 0 0 2

By Brian Neill

I

n terms of strict adherence to the tenets of the Judaic faith, Rabbi Zalman Fischer can claim the highest level of devotion in Augusta.

Fischer counts himself as the only Hasidic Jew in this area.

Hasidism — a sect of Judaism often mis-labeled ultra-Orthodox because of followers’ special garb, beards and practices, and largely misunderstood because of media and Hollywood renderings like the Barbara Streisand movie, “Yentl” — most closely follows the doctrines laid out in the sacred Torah.

But while his level of faith prevents him, for instance, from dining out at any local restaurant — not wanting to gamble on utensils receiving a proper cleansing after being used for non-kosher foods — Fischer stresses an openness for all levels of participation in the Jewish faith.

That is particularly true as it pertains to his work with Chabad of Augusta, a Jewish outreach program.

“I don’t believe in labeling people in general, and Jews in particular,” Fischer says, inside the Chabad of Augusta offices in a renovated former cleaners storefront in the 800 block of Broad Street. “I believe that there is Judaism and then there are Jews, and then there are various levels of people’s commitments toward their religion.

“And that’s our philosophy here. We reach out and serve Jews of all persuasions, all backgrounds, all kinds of orientation and we try and take an age-old religion — the religion is almost 4,000 years old — and we try to make it practical for them to find guidance and meaning and fulfillment in their personal lives based on teachings that are very old.”

Chabad and Fischer both came to Augusta about six years ago. For the past six months, the agency has occupied its current Broad Street location.

The agency, of which Fischer is director, is part of a worldwide Jewish faith network called Chabad-Lubavitch.

Chabad is a Hebrew acronym for wisdom, comprehension and knowledge.

Lubavitch takes its name from a town in White Russia where the movement was born.

The purpose of Chabad, Fischer explained, is to get Jewish people involved in and active with their faith, even at the most basic, fundamental level.

Chabad of Augusta offers everything from synagogue services to lessons in traditional Jewish and kosher cooking.

“For example, we teach kids how to make Matzah for Passover,” Fischer said. “We sometimes have a program that teaches them how to make a Shofar. Those are the horns we use for the high holy days — Rosh Hashana, Yom Kippur — and you blow it like a horn.”

Fischer also conducts readings from the Torah, a set of scrolls handwritten on parchment, which is considered the sacred text of the Jewish faith and encompasses what Christians typically refer to as the Old Testament of the Bible.

After this interview, Fischer was heading to the Kroger on Washington Road in hopes of encouraging the management to expand its already substantial offering of kosher foods.

Fischer, 32, grew up in Brooklyn and has studied in Israel. He also taught in Tashkent, the capital of the former Soviet republic of Uzbekistan.

“It was the Soviet Republic and you know there was no religion in the Soviet Union for all of these years and when they lifted up the Iron Curtain a lot of Jewish activities started to go on, because Jews were unable to study Judaism for all of these years,” Fischer said. “So we used to go there and I taught in school there. It was a great experience.”

The Rebbe

Chabad-Lubavitch owes its modern-day roots to Rabbi Menachem Mendel Schneerson, who was appointed the group’s leader by his father-in-law, Rabbi Yosef Yitzchak Schneerson, prior to the elder’s death.

Rabbi Menachem Mendel Schneerson, who died in 1994, is often referred to simply as Rebbe, a term denoting spiritual master or guide.

Hasidic Jews who follow Rebbe’s teachings are called Lubavitcher Hasidim, or Lubavitchers, owing to the birthplace of the movement.

The cornerstone of the Chabad-Lubavitch movement has been vocalism. Whereas many Hasidic sects have kept to themselves, Lubavitchers have gone to great lengths to communicate their faith and the Jewish teachings, even posting much of that information on the Internet.

Rebbe is largely seen as having ushered in the renaissance of the Jewish faith after the dark days of the Holocaust.

For decades, Rebbe held counsel several times a week in the Crown Heights section of Brooklyn with Hasidic and non-Hasidic individuals alike, according to an extensive biography of the man posted on the Chabad-Lubavitch Web site (www.Chabad.org).

In the 1970s, Rebbe instituted “Mitzvah Tanks” — first in the form of U-Haul-style trucks, and later, mobile homes, which rolled through the streets of Manhattan playing loud Hasidic songs. People of Jewish faith on the streets were invited aboard the trucks by rabbis and encouraged to perform a mitzvah, a special deed that connects one with God. This was usually accomplished by the tying on one’s arm of a tefillin, a small leather pouch containing passages from the Torah.

In 1983, according to Chabad-Lubavitch literature, the Rebbe instructed followers to reach out to all of mankind, not just the Jewish community.

Rebbe said that all people of the world would benefit from abiding by seven principles, called the Seven Noahide Laws, outlined in the Torah. The laws are very similar to the Ten Commandments in the Bible.

While the Rebbe was, and still is, the focal point of Lubavitchers, he has also comprised a bone of contention for the sect.

Even after his death at the age of 92 in 1994, many Lubavitchers maintained the belief that the Rebbe was the Messiah, although Chabad-Lubavitch officials, The New York Times reported, tried to downplay such beliefs because it could harm the group’s image.

Fischer said Judaism doesn’t name the Messiah.

“Who knows? I don’t know who the Messiah is. Judaism doesn’t say who it is,” Fischer continued on page 18

“That’s probably where the touchy point comes in. That’s the big question. If your goal is to make Jews better Jews, then you get down to the point that if you have Reform, Conservative and Orthodox movements, what is the definition of a good Jew? I think all three of us, Rabbi Parr, Rabbi Fischer and myself, want to make Jews better Jews. But the question is, what is a better Jew and who are you attracting?”

— Rabbi Alex Greenbaum of Adas Yeshuran Synagogue in Augusta.

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18 continued from page 16 M E T R O S P I R I T M A Y 2 2 0 0 2

said. “There’s no way to say for certain and no one does say for certain.”

Fischer said he’s frustrated that the media often focuses on the controversy and fails to depict the essence of what the Rebbe has done for the Jewish faith.

“You have to look at it in the context of the spiritual revolution that he brought about in the Jewish people coming out of the Holocaust,” Fischer said. “He took Judaism from a defensive standpoint to an offensive one, really, spiritually speaking.

“In the scope of things, that’s such a trivial concept — if the Rebbe is the Messiah, not the Messiah. Could he be the Messiah? Was he the Messiah? There’s no practical significance to that. Either he was or wasn’t. So what, you know? But what that overshadows are the contributions the Rebbe made to the American and world Jewry.”

A January 2000 article in The Times stated that Chabad had created 700 Web sites in more than 50 countries devoted to educating not only Lubavitchers, but Jews and non-Jews alike.

An article two years earlier in the same newspaper placed the group’s budget at $600 million, most of which came from Jewish philanthropists, and said the organization had roughly 2,400 Chabad Houses, or learning centers, in 48 countries.

Change on Horizon for Local Jews

Rabbi Fischer’s role could become all the more interesting in coming months.

The heads of Augusta’s only two Jewish congregations — Rabbi Jordan Parr, of the Reform temple, Congregation Children of Israel, and Rabbis Alex and Amy Greenbaum of the Conservative synagogue, Adas Yeshuran — have announced they are leaving this summer to head congregations out of state, creating a temporary void in local leadership.

Parr said he did not wish to comment about Chabad of Augusta as it pertained to present or future involvement in the Jewish community.

Parr, who will leave to head a congregation in Texas, said the Jewish community has to decide what direction it will take in the face of “the vacuum in rabbinic leadership” that will ensue upon his and the Greenbaums’ departures.

“Both congregations are now searching for rabbis,” Parr said. “Nationally, there’s a major shortage in both of our movements.”

“I mean both congregations will be OK,” Parr added. “But it’s going to be an interesting time. It’s going to demand a lot more of the lay leadership to step forward and take over roles that the rabbis have been doing.”

Rabbi Alex Greenbaum said he occasionally studies with Fischer and believes that he and his organization perform an important role in the community.

“If I believe that a rabbi’s goal is to teach, to educate my congregants, then I see Rabbi Fischer as a team player — that he works within the community to educate the people,” Greenbaum said. “And he and I have always agreed that we accept everyone for who they are and where they are.”

In fact, Greenbaum employs a most favorable description of Fischer, referring to him as “Mensch,” which roughly translates to an overall good person.

“In Judaism, you don’t describe too many people this way,” Greenbaum said. “It’s not just (like), ‘He did a nice thing.’ It speaks to his overall person.”

But Greenbaum said that Chabad still raises the question of how many sects of Judaism can fit under one roof, particularly in a community whose Jewish population is only roughly 1,500 people.

“There’s a question, you see, when it comes to Chabad,” Greenbaum said. “When you come into a community that has two congregations, a Reform temple and a Conservative

“I don’t believe in labeling people in general, and Jews in particular. I believe that there is Judaism and then there are Jews, and then there are various levels of people’s commitments toward their religion. And that’s our philosophy here. We reach out and serve Jews of all persuasions, all backgrounds, all kinds of orientation and we try and take an age-old religion — the religion is almost 4,000 years old — and we try to make it practical for them to find guidance and meaning and fulfillment in their personal lives based on teachings that are very old.”

— Rabbi Zalman Fischer of Chabad of Augusta.

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synagogue, and Chabad comes in, it means you’ll have to share the people. And of course Chabad is known to share the people, because who are they going to attract? They’re going to attract the members who are already there. The question is, does it have to be all or nothing, or can we work together as a team?”

Greenbaum said Fischer could help partially fill the void left after his departure, but not completely.

Fischer said he will be here to help both congregations in any way possible, but added that taking on the formal duties of both would likely be too much for one man.

There are certain ritualistic differences that would get in the way as well, Fischer and Greenbaum concede.

Although Greenbaum has embraced opportunities to study and teach with Fischer, he said there are many times when the two must part ways.

Hasidim, for instance, cannot participate in religious ceremonies that are overseen or partly officiated by a woman.

Though each sect of Judaism may have differing views, Greenbaum said he doesn’t feel that Chabad is in any way out to steal away members of local congregations.

“I think Rabbi Fischer tries very hard not to step on the other congregations’ toes,” Greenbaum said.

Still, Greenbaum can’t help but wonder if Chabad’s goal of teaching and reaching all Jews isn’t sometimes at odds with the movement’s origins and inherent, fundamental beliefs.

“Once I understood them as who they are, they’re missionaries. Chabad is a missionary,” Greenbaum said. “They come into a community and try and show the light to the people.

The only problem is, sometimes, at one point, Chabad is making up for what is needed in the community, and at another point they could be replacing what’s in the community, and there’s a very fine line between fulfilling a need and going beyond and replacing.”

“That’s probably where the touchy point comes in. That’s the big question,” Greenbaum added. “If your goal is to make Jews better Jews, then you get down to the point that if you have Reform, Conservative and Orthodox movements, what is the definition of a good Jew? “I think all three of us, Rabbi Parr, Rabbi Fischer and myself, want to make Jews better Jews. But the question is, what is a better Jew and who are you attracting?”

Even so, Fischer stresses tolerance and openness for all who walk through the door of his Chabad House on Broad Street and insists he is not seeking converts to the Hasidic movement.

“I think the thrust of it (Chabad of Augusta) is that our philosophy is one of acceptance,” Fischer said. “We reach out to Jews of all persuasions. We’re non-judgmental; that’s our philosophy, and we’re bringing the wealth, and the treasures, and the traditions of Judaism to people of all backgrounds and persuasions.

“Someone once said, ‘Judaism is a journey, it’s not a destiny.’ Where you are yesterday is not good enough for today, and where you are today is not good enough for tomorrow.

There’s no arrival point where I want you to be this way or I want you to be that way.

“As long as you keep growing Jewishly, that satisfies my ‘mission,’ if you wish.”

Here are some common Jewish terms and definitions: Orthodox Judaism: Encompasses various offshoots, including Hasidim, and revolves around

S P I R I T

Conservative Judaism: Jews in this category believe that the law and doctrines in the Torah

M A Y

are binding, but must adapt in relevance and meaning with time, according to Rabbi Alex Greenbaum of the local Conservative temple, Adas Yeshuran. Conservative Judaism is often regarded as encompassing some of the beliefs of both its Reform and Orthodox counterparts, while maintaining the middle ground.

Reform Judaism: Emphasizes the autonomy of the individual and holds that a person has the choice whether to subscribe to a certain belief or practice, according to the Union of American Hebrew Congregations. Similar to Conservative Judaism in that the Reform movement feels the Torah must adapt with time.

Mezuzah: A small, thin case affixed to the doorposts of traditional Jewish homes. Inside is placed a small scroll containing words from the Torah. The mezuzah serves as a constant reminder of God’s presence and teachings. As one enters the home, it is customary to touch the Mezuzah and then kiss the fingers that touched it.

Menorah: A seven-branched candelabra that is one of the oldest symbols of the Jewish faith. A nine-branched version is lit during Chanukkah to remember when a day’s worth of olive oil miraculously lasted eight days inside the Jewish temple as the Jews revolted against persecution and religious repression from the Greeks.

Yarmulke: Round, cloth cap worn by Jews during worship. Hasidic Jews typically wear them, or some other type of head covering, at all times. Though there are various reasons given for wearing the yarmulke, one commonly held belief is that it serves to remind one that God is always above.

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the common belief that God gave the entire Torah, a collection of holy writings, teachings and edicts, to Moses, and as a Jew, one must follow those doctrines precisely. A 1990 survey conducted by the Council of Jewish Federations, found that only 7 percent of Jews in the United States considered themselves Orthodox.

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20 M E T R O S P I R I T M A Y 2 2 0 0 2

The Breast Test

By Stacey Eidson

T

ummy tucks, botox injections, liposuction, forehead lifts, eyelid surgery and nose jobs seem to have become almost as common as getting your teeth cleaned these days.

According to a recent study released by the American Society of Plastic Surgeons, approximately 7.5 million people had some form of cosmetic plastic surgery procedure in 2001.

The three most popular cosmetic surgeries last year were nose reshaping, liposuction and eyelid surgery.

Surprised? Some females may be. After all, most women in America know that when the topic of cosmetic surgery is brought up at parties or around the watercooler, nine times out of 10 – if the name Joan Rivers isn’t mentioned – the discussion is centered around one question: Are they fake or are they real?

So, where did boob jobs fall? Or more

Photo Illustration

appropriately, where did boob jobs wind perkily up in 2001?

Breast augmentation surgery ranked fourth on the list. The study states that 219,883 women last year went in for breast surgery.

And the popularity of the new “breast fairy, MD” seems to be growing.

The American Board of Plastic Surgery recorded 32,607 women in 1992 had breast augmentation. Ten years later, that number has increased by 533 percent.

It appears to be raining saline in America.

But not everyone is so willing to let their “girls” go under the knife.

While breast surgery over the years has reportedly gotten much safer, some women are still very leery about having something artificial inside their bodies – particularly, after all of the horror stories in the early 1980s about silicone implants leaking or rupturing.

Today, silicone gel-filled implants are no

“My two oldest daughters swear up and down if it works for me, they are going to use it.”

– Tara, the subject of the breast test

longer sold to the general public. Saline implants, which consist of silicone shells filled with a saltwater solution, are now used in breast enhancement surgery. These implants have been on the market for almost 30 years, but were only officially approved by the Food and Drug Administration in May 2000.

According to the FDA, saline-filled implants are believed to be safer than silicone because rupture or leakage will only release saltwater, not silicone gel, into the body.

However, the agency does warn women that saline breast implants can rupture, ripple, harden, change shape and shift position. The FDA has also found that the implants can cause infection, pain, and loss of feeling in the nipple or tissue of the breast.

Ouch. So, what is an unhappy, smallchested girl to do?

Introducing the magic wonders of herbal products like MiracleBust, Quick-Bust, Complete La Femme, Bust Plus, Bloussant, Newbust, Wonderbreast and Endow Plus.

All of these products claim to be different, but their promises are all same. Take a few pills or a couple drops of their secret liquid solution a day and in a few short weeks or months, you will have bigger, more beautiful breasts, or your money back.

This winter, one product in particular, Complete La Femme, ran several local radio ads asking the question: Have you ever dreamed of a larger breast size?

One local woman’s answer was, “Yes.” Meet Tara. She is probably the sexiest 40year-old mother of three and grandmother of four you’ll ever meet. She is a tall, thin, blonde, high-heel wearing working girl who has traffic-stopping legs that would make even Christie Brinkley jealous.

But in the last few years, Tara has felt like she’s been missing a little something.

“Once upon a time, I was a very full Ccup,” Tara said. “I should show you my high school and middle school annuals because the joke back then was for the guys to draw an hourglass or a peanut in there to represent your figure. Well, my annual was always full of peanuts and hourglasses. So, I guess I had a fairly decent shape in school. I had curves.

I had hips. And I had breasts.”

But after Tara got married and had three children, she noticed that her chest began to slightly sag and lose some of its fullness. She soon found herself dropping a full cup size.

“My chest just started disappearing,” Tara said. “I’m now a B-cup. And I attribute it to two things. First, I did breast feed my last child, but also, when you yo-yo diet like I have over the years, that definitely takes away from your fullness as well.”

Therefore, when Tara heard the Complete La Femme radio ads offering a breast enhancement pill that could increase your breasts one to two cup sizes for only $39.95 a bottle, it piqued her interest.

“I think I’m just the typical byproduct of this society. I wanted to try it because you keep hearing and seeing all of these ads for these types of pills everywhere and in another six months you won’t hear about them again,” Tara said. “So, I wanted to see if they do anything. Just for curiosity's sake.

“The second reason that I wanted to do it is because I have thought about plastic surgery,” Tara added. “My mother had her breasts done back when there was still silicone implants because the same thing happened to her as with me. Back when she nursed me, she lost all of her fullness and

had absolutely nothing left.”

Tara said she saw how having smaller breasts affected her mother.

“She had very low self-esteem,” Tara said. “And all of her kids had moved out and were having kids, so she was a grandma. It was just her and my dad and she just wanted something to perk her up. So, my dad had made the suggestion (of breast surgery).

He thought maybe she would feel better. And sure enough, it made a big difference.”

The breast surgery gave her mother the confidence she needed, Tara said.

Now that Tara is the grandmother with her children having babies, she finds herself thinking about the possibility of breast surgery.

But before Tara seriously thinks about paying thousands of dollars for plastic surgery, she wanted to find out if the Complete La Femme pills could deliver what they promised.

“If this works, then I won’t need plastic surgery,” Tara said.

“Because I’m not looking so much for enlargement. It’s to get the fullness back that I don’t have anymore. I mean, I don’t want to look like Pamela Anderson. When you see her breasts, you want to bounce them down and shoot hoops with them.

“What I want is to just look in the mirror and not feel quite so old because I’m not quite so old. I feel like a 90-year-old woman sometimes when I look in the mirror, and I don’t want to feel that way when I’m 40 years old.”

The Complete La Femme Challenge Tara’s curiosity and willingness to try Complete La Femme seemed to be the perfect makings for a story. So, in January, The Metropolitan Spirit purchased a three-month supply of Complete La Femme’s capsules for approximately $115 and decided to conduct a little experiment.

The Spirit agreed to keep Tara’s identity a secret, by using a pseudonym, if she would agree to discuss her experiences with the product from Jan. 12 until the final interview on April 23.

With the terms in place, the breast test began.

First, the facts about Complete La Femme. According to Tom Mykytiuk, the distribution and key accounts manager for Baywood International Inc. — the company that sells the product in Scottsdale, Ariz. — Complete La Femme has been on the market in the United States and Canada for approximately two years.

“Initially the product was designed to balance hormones

like for PMS, or for your post-menopausal women, but it 21 was learned that there was a side effect. Many people think of side effects as negative, but with this particular product, M E there was a positive side effect. Women noticed that their T R breast size increased,” Mykytiuk said.

“Now, the product is not designed to make Dolly Partons O or Pamela Andersons out of people,” Mykytiuk added. “We S are just bringing women into their average breast sizes for PI their body type, bone structure and build.

R “Most women will achieve anywhere from a one- to two- I T cup size increase in their breasts.”

Complete La Femme, which has not been approved by the M FDA, is described as having an herbal formula that consists YA of ingredients such as saw palmetto, dong quai, damiana, blessed thistle, violet, wild yam and althea root. These herbs 2 supposedly create a “hormone-balancing effect” which 2 0 naturally regulates proper breast growth.

0 The recommended dosage for Complete La Femme capsules 2 is three to four pills twice a day for at least three months.

“A woman really needs to be on the product for three months to begin to see results,” Mykytiuk said. “Some continued on page 22

“Most women will achieve anywhere from a one- to two-cup size increase in their breasts.”

Before

1/15/02

After

4/23/02

– Tom Mykytiuk, the distribution and key accounts manager for Baywood International Inc., the Arizona company that sells Complete La Femme

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“I’m not looking so much for enlargement. It’s to get the fullness back that I don’t have anymore. I mean, I don’t want to look like Pamela Anderson. When you see her breasts, you want to bounce them down and shoot hoops with them.”

- Tara, the subject of the breast test

continued from page 21 women will see results as early as two to four weeks, but most women see results in six to 10 weeks.

“Now, I don’t know that there is any product in the world that is 100 percent successful for 100 percent of the population. Even aspirin doesn’t help some people. But this product runs about, I’d say, probably around 82- to 85-percent success rate.”

Aside from breast development, Complete La Femme also offers some women relief from premenstrual irritability, mood swings, cramping, bloating, hot flashes and vaginal dryness, Mykytiuk explained. The product also does not increase the development of fat tissue.

“I’ve had many testimonials on things like it has improved a woman’s skin tone, hair growth and nail growth, but we are in no way advertising or promoting the product for those indications,” Mykytiuk said. “But those are side benefits that some women realize with Complete La Femme.”

Sounds pretty damn good. And during Tara’s first interview on Jan. 27, she was all smiles.

In just a few short weeks, her breasts had become sore and sensitive to the touch.

“It’s like the feeling you have when it’s around your period,” Tara said. “I don’t have a cycle anymore because of my hysterectomy, but my breasts are still tender now after taking it for two or three weeks.”

According to Complete La Femme’s Web site, www.completelafemme.com, women before, during and after menopause can take the product and experience changes in their breasts.

“From the reports we receive, it is very effective in rebuilding sagging breasts; however, most women past menopause do not notice significant breast growth,” the Web site states.

Tara knew her age may play a role in the effectiveness of the product, but she was still very encouraged by the early results of Complete La Femme.

“I’ll be honest with you, I’m being very opened-minded about this,” Tara said. “I don’t want to say, ‘Yes, I think that it’s going to work,’ or ‘No, it’s not,’ because then maybe I’ll defeat it myself.”

Instead, she said she was simply going to sit back and let whatever happened, happen. But Tara admitted, she’s not the only one monitoring her results.

“My whole family knows,” Tara said, laughing. “My two oldest daughters swear up and down if it works for me, they are going to use it. But my husband, he’s indifferent about it. He says if that’s what I want to do, that’s fine with him.”

Tara’s two oldest daughters are adults with children, while her youngest daughter is still in high school.

“We’ve always been very open about the topic of our breasts,” Tara said. “We always joke about it because my oldest daughter was extremely large until she had her last two kids. And my middle daughter is very small and my youngest daughter is a D-cup and she’s only 16.”

Tara said she would be open to her daughters trying Complete La Femme if she had a good experience with the product.

Complete La Femme is available for women of all ages, including teens going through puberty. The product’s Web site states, “Taken at the onset of puberty, it can help supply valuable natural hormone balance that allows for proper glandular and reproductive organ development.”

However, Mykytiuk from Baywood International, said he would suggest teens wait until they are at least 18 years old to take the product.

“Well, Complete La Femme is all right for an adolescent as long as she is menstruating, but generally we would encourage women who are 18 years and older to take it,” Mykytiuk said. “Society today is focused on the breast, but I think if I had a daughter that was going through adolescence, and she wanted to take the product, I think I would tell her, ‘Just wait a few years honey and let’s see where you end up and then if you need some assistance, then we will look at this natural formula.’”

That’s a surprisingly positive attitude considering other breastenhancement products such as Bloussant have advertised in magazines such as Teen Vogue since August 2001.

A product called Quick-Bust actually has a whole section on its Web site dedicated to girls ages 13 to 21. There is even testimony from a 14-year-old girl on the Web site who claims, “I felt tingling in my breasts so I could tell something was definitely working. I’m ordering my second bottle. Thanks!”

But Tara said taking Complete La Femme is the last thing on her 16-year-old’s mind. She said her daughter is often uncomfortable about the size of her breasts.

“She wears jackets all the time,” Tara said. “She has one sweat-

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shirt jacket that I’m about to burn. She has been wearing it for three years. I told her there is nothing to be ashamed of, but she said, ‘Mom, that’s all the guys look at.’ And I said, ‘Well, unfortunately, that’s just society.’”

The Big Bust On Feb. 9, Tara had a breakthrough. Her husband visibly noticed a change. Tara said she happened to take out a shirt that she hadn’t worn in a little while, and as soon as she put it on, her husband couldn’t help but take a second look.

“He said, ‘Damn those pills really are working!’” Tara enthusiastically said. “He noticed that I looked fuller than usual. And he was thinking I was wearing a padded bra and at that time I was not. It was just a regular bra. He definitely said you could see more cleavage.”

Tara also reported experiencing actual growth.

On the first day that Tara began taking Complete La Femme, she got a string and wrapped it around her chest and cut it where the two ends met.

The weekend of Feb. 9-10, she found that the string was about half an inch apart.

“I’m still very tender,” Tara said. “It’s not uncomfortable, but one day when my husband gave me a hug, I was like, ‘Whoa.

Something’s happening.’”

By Tara’s third interview on March 15, she didn’t have much to report regarding her breasts, but she said she was experiencing hormonal benefits from the pills.

“The tenderness has gone away and I haven’t seen a difference in my breasts,” she said. “But, I’ve had a complete hysterectomy and therefore, I have to take artificial hormones and normally wear a hormone patch. If I don’t, I get horrendous hot flashes. Well, I haven’t been wearing the patch now for about a month and I’m still not having any hot flashes. That to me is a plus.”

Tara said she would much rather take some pills each day than wear a hormone patch on her body.

However, Mykytiuk warned against such uses of Complete La Femme.

“Well, we strongly urge that women not take this product if they

are on HRT, Hormone Replacement Therapy,” he said. “And if they are going to be on a birth control pill, then it’s probably best to have them consult with their health care professional.”

By April 23, Tara’s final interview, some of her enthusiasm over Complete La Femme had faded.

“I’m a little disappointed,” Tara said. “It was interesting to find out whether it would work or not. And it’s been three months and honestly, right at the beginning I could definitely tell the difference with the firmness and the soreness. But it just seemed like after six weeks or so, nothing seemed to happen anymore.

“The soreness went away and I didn’t have the fullness like I did.

Now, I feel just the way I did before.”

Tara said she didn’t want to discourage other women from trying the product because she couldn’t say whether her age or HRT treatment had played a role in the experiment, but she wanted women to know that her breasts did not grow a cup size.

“I do know for a fact when I measure myself I’m bigger. I’ve changed over an inch,” Tara said, stressing that she hasn’t gained any weight. “And I don’t sag as bad as I did, so I know that it definitely did something. But it’s just not real noticeable by other people. And my bra size has not changed at all.”

Now that her breast test is over, Tara says her family and friends are coming to ask her if they should try Complete La Femme.

“My two daughters are still interested,” Tara said. “Even my older sister asked me about it this past weekend and she wanted to know how it was going because she is considerably smaller than I am. I tell people, if they want to try it, go for it. You never know.”

Tara said she is even contemplating buying another three-month supply of the capsules herself.

“I’ve actually been bouncing around in my head whether or not I’m going to get another extension,” she said. “Because it says in the paperwork for this stuff that it sometimes takes six to nine months, so I don’t know. I may very well go ahead and get one more refill and sees how it goes.”

However, Tara said she is also looking into other options.

“I’m seriously considering breast implants,” Tara said. “I’m not going to just jump into it, but I’m thinking about it. You have to understand, this isn’t for anyone else. It’s for me. Just me.”

23

“He (her husband) said, ‘Damn those pills really are working!’ He noticed that I looked fuller than usual. And he was thinking I was wearing a padded bra and at that time I was not. It was just a regular bra. He definitely said you could see more cleavage.”

– Tara, the subject of the breast test

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M E T R O S P I R I T M A Y 2 2 0 0 2

24 M E T R O S P I R I T M A Y

Arts

& Entertainment

2 2 0 0 2

Garden City Music Fest May 11

BY RHONDA JONES

O

nce upon a time, it was the Garden City Folk Festival. But the powers that be in the arts community decided to spice it up a little bit, instead of just offering a one-course meal.

“We thought that a wide variety of music appealing to all audiences would be better than limiting it to folk,” said Leslie Fletcher, of the Greater Augusta Arts Council.

“It’s awesome. It’s great fun. We have about three stages of entertainment – rock ‘n’ roll, acoustic, and hip-hop.”

Stage 1, at the Jessye Norman Amphitheater, features the farewell performance of the Vagabond Missionaries at 1 p.m., 420 Outback at 2 p.m., the energetic shenanigans of Neato Torpedo at 3 p.m., Horsepower at 4 p.m., Jemani at 5:30, The Riff Raff Kings at 6:45, Redbelly at 8 p.m. and the headlining act Drivin N’ Cryin at 9:30.

The sets will be short, 30-45 minutes, except for Drivin N’ Cryin, who get an hour.

Now for Stage 2, at the 8th Street Plaza. The Vellotones play from 12:30 p.m.; Soul On Ice start up at 1:30; Juice at 2:30, Deathstar at 3:30, the infamous Shark Devilles at 4:45, Augusta Jazz All-Stars starting the hour-long sets at 6, with ph Balance at 7:30 and the Tropico Salsa band at 9.

Stage 3, at the 8th Street bulkhead on the river, brings John Kolbeck at 12:45 p.m., The Livingroom Legends at 1:45.

The Dylanesque folkness of Galen Kipar begins at 2:45; Sibin puts on some Irishness at 4:00, with Jennifer Daniels at 5:00, Tara V. Sheyer at 7:45, Kitty Snyder at 9 that night.

Headliners Drivin N’ Cryin have met with major success since their formation in the mid-’80s in Atlanta, with hits like “Fly Me Courageous,” which, according to the band’s Web site, was hotly requested on MTV. Their style, which runs from alternative to heavy, has allowed them to tour with Neil Young and Sonic Youth, as well as Lynyrd Skynyrd and Bad Company. Even the radio plays them.

But, though the music is varied and constant, Fletcher says that’s not all there is to this event. There will be plenty of things to buy. “Anywhere from jewelry to photography. That sort of thing,” she said. There is also a free children’s area, where the kids can make Mother’s Day cards and other neat things.

And, she said, she is expecting 10,000 people to attend this year. “Last year it was really, really great,” she said.

“We’re very excited. It’s really grown.”

Maybe that’s because the festival is not just for one group of people. It’s for everyone. “Families, obviously,” she said. “And a lot of college kids and high school kids.”

And for those of you who have yet to see many of the acts that Augusta and surrounding areas offer, here’s your chance. It’s a veritable smorgasbord.

Gates open at 11 a.m., with the music starting shortly after. The whole thing ends at 10, so do your rockin’ before then. Tix are $6 in advance from the Greater Augusta Arts Council, $7 at the gate. If you have questions not heretofore answered, give Leslie Fletcher a call yourself at (706) 826-4702.

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Artist Kay Huongraj Goes Back to Basics

BY LISA JORDAN

I

t’s been a while since visual artist Kay Huongraj exhibited her pieces.

Her return to the Metro Coffeehouse with new works during May marks the first time Huongraj has exhibited since shortly after the coffeehouse opened in 2000. Then, she exhibited works in a variety of media, from photography to drawings. For her upcoming exhibit, Huongraj is taking a different approach.

“I’ve been out of it for so long, I thought I’d go back to basics,” Huongraj says. “I’m trying to re-teach myself the basics.”

Born in Laos and having lived in Thailand before moving to Augusta as a child, Huongraj taught herself to draw, mostly in secret. “I liked to draw when I was a kid, but it was a play thing. My parents wanted me to concentrate on academics, and so I’d have to draw without them knowing.”

Though Huongraj started in the biology program at Augusta State University, she eventually decided to pursue a fine arts degree. “I was interested in biology, and with that I knew I could get something stable,” she says. “But I was more interested in art than biology.”

In the Art Department at Augusta State University, which she describes as incredible, Huongraj worked in two- and threedimensional art, including figure sculpture, ceramics, wood carving and an installation class. And, she says, “It wasn’t just studio work. We had seminars and art history classes.”

What piqued Huongraj’s interest, and what is the basis of her new exhibit, is two-dimensional art. “I really got into photography, watercolor, painting and drawing,” she says. Drawings form the bulk of Huongraj’s recent work, and they are done in charcoal and graphite.

Huongraj likes to draw using different mediums for different effects. “For something quick, I love charcoal. For something more graphic, more detailed, I’ll use graphite. It takes twice as long.

You need patience.”

Most of Huongraj’s drawings are figurative, using her friends as models. “I do my work at the house. I have friends that come over and will model,” she says, adding with a laugh that females are often more willing to pose for her work. “A session usually lasts for about two hours, and

I do five-minute, 10-minute sketches. I’m trying to get the anatomy, proportions, stance right. I’m just trying to get the right composition, trying to figure out which ones I want to spend time on. If there’s a pose that really intrigues me, I’ll ask them to pose again.”

Huongraj hesitates to describe her style, sitting back and sighing. “Maybe four years ago, I could give you a direct answer,” she says. After graduating from Augusta State University in 1998, Huongraj took a much-needed break from visual arts. “I was really burned out after college. So I used the time to do things I couldn’t do while I was in college.”

Perhaps one of the reasons Huongraj decided to return to art is the solace it provides. “It’s therapeutic to me,” she says. “When you’re drawing, you forget about everything else. It’s escapism,

really. I put on some music — jazz; Gregorian chants, which a lot of people don’t like; Marvin Gaye; Nina Simone — a variety of things.” Though the music doesn’t necessarily influence her drawing style, Huongraj says, “When I listen to chants, everything becomes a little more spiritual.”

Elements of Huongraj’s Buddhist upbringing pervade some older pieces in her collection. “My earlier works used to have a lot of Buddhist influences. I did a lot of things with landscape. I would double-expose my negatives, using a figurative model with a landscape. It was almost an Adam and Eve type of thing — mesh the two together as one. Now it’s more mechanical.”

The culture shock that Huongraj says she experienced when moving to the United States is gone now and isn’t a sig-

nificant part of her art — “It went before I seriously started creating art,” she says — but she still maintains her roots. “I speak Laotian with my family. I kind of like knowing two languages,” Huongraj says.

The cultural and creative layers that Huongraj encompasses come through in her work. “People always ask me what each piece means,” she says. “There are different meanings throughout one piece.

When I’m working, I don’t know what’s going to come next. Something happens, and you build on it.”

To see what happens when Huongraj puts pencil — or charcoal — to paper, visit the Metro Coffeehouse during May. Huongraj has been working day and night to put the final touches on her exhibit, which begins First Friday. The Metro Coffeehouse is located at 1054 Broad Street.

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Cinema Movie Listings

A Beautiful Mind (PG-13) — Russell Crowe is the Nobel-prized brain with mental problems in Ron Howard's film about John Nash, a real math genius caught up in 1950s paranoia, represented by spooky agent Ed Harris. Jennifer Connelly is Nash's of ten frustrated wife. Howard brings back an era while being specific about Nash's long struggle, and his reality comes through movingly, even with a slightly maudlin finish. Cast: Russell Crowe, Ed Harris, Jason GrayStanford, Jennifer Connelly, Paul Bet tany. 2 hr. 8 mins.

(Elliot t) ★★★1/2 Big Fat Liar (PG) — It seems that 14-year-old Jason (Frankie Muniz) can lie his way out of just about any jam — until he actually has to write a story for his English class. But before he can turn in the story, called "Big Fat Liar," he runs his bike into the limo of one Mar ty Wolf (Paul Giamat ti), a big-time, lowlife Hollywood producer, who reluctantly gives him a ride.

When Jason accidentally leaves his story in the limo, Mar ty reads it, steals the idea and promotes it as one of his upcoming movies. Naturally, nobody believes Jason when he claims he was ripped of f. So he and his friend, Kaylee (Amanda Bynes), head for Hollywood to confront Wolf and make him admit his thef t. When he refuses, the duo initiates a series of humiliating and increasingly improbable pranks on the hapless, hopeless, clueless reptile. Bring kids around 8-12, I guess. And aspirin. Cast: Frankie Muniz, Paul Giamat ti, Amanda Bynes, Amanda Detmer, Donald Faison. Running time: 1 hr, 28 mins. (Salm) ★1/2 Blade 2 (R) — Wesley Snipes is Blade. He's a buf f leather dude, a half-vampire who hunts vampires with weapons that might give James Bond pause, and with the mar tial moves of a Hong Kong der vish on a spree. There is a vampire aristocracy, their bodies so bleached and past y you expect them to crumble into talcum powder. And there is a new strain of killer virus monster. Set in a Prague that surpasses Kafka's bad dreams, the movie has a necro-glam ostentation. Kris Kristof ferson is Blade's friend, mentor, old daddy-o. The movie is an enjoyable showof f until it turns pompous, runs too long, tries to find pathos in the decay of the vampire dynast y, as if this were Greek tragedy instead of pop kitsch. Cast: Wesley Snipes, Kris Kristof ferson, Ron Perlman, Leonor Varela, Norman Reedus. Running time: 1 hr., 52 mins. (Elliot t) ★★ Changing Lanes (R) — A propulsive ner vebiter with genuine human characters, about a yuppie law firm hawk (Ben Af fleck) who upsets the precari-

ous life of a volatile working stif f (Samuel L. Jackson), their mutual moral crisis moving on lines that converge jarringly, despite some plot conveniences. New York is seen smar tly by ace English director Roger ("Persuasion") Michell, with Toni Collet te also outstanding as a lucid mistress. 1 hr., 47 mins. (Elliot t) ★★★1/2 Clockstoppers (PG) — Mediocrity will have its way. That is always clear at a movie as generic and pigeonholed as "Clockstoppers." Jesse Bradford is Zak, a boy who comes upon a time-travel wristwatch perfected by a snarky teen scientist (French Stewar t, fairly excruciating in comedy). Along with Paula Garces, as a student fresh from South America whose accent wanders through its own time zones, Zak trips around as other people freeze like statues or ooze in slow-mo.

The ef fects have modest wow value. ★1/2 The Count of Monte Cristo (PG-13) — At first, Jim Caviezel is rather starchy and boyish as the young sailor. but af ter Edmond is betrayed by best friend Fernand Mondego, then tossed into the vile Chateau d’If for carrying a secret let ter from Napoleon on Elba, he endures hell, grows a beard, digs out, finds a buried for tune and becomes the count — and is quite the hero. Caviezel learns to stride and swoop as a superbly equipped man of the world. His scheme is cold revenge on Fernand and perhaps Mercedes, the lover he thinks turned too soon to his betrayer. This is a plum and peachy enter tainment. If you don’t think so, you’re too old. And, if you are young, say 11 on up, here is your chance for some old-time satisfaction.

Cast: Jim Caviezel, Guy Pearce, Luis Guzman, Richard Harris, Dagmar Dominczyk, Freddy Jones, James Frain, Michael Wincot t. Running time: 2 hrs. 5 mins.

(Elliot t) ★★★1/2 Deuces Wild (R) — In the sweltering summer of 1958, a gang war is brewing. Brooklyn teenagers, disgruntled over the loss of the Dodgers and plied with guns and drugs, set tle their disputes in the streets.

Violence erupts between two prominent gangs, while a romance blossoms between the leader of an all-girl gang and one of the warring Deuces. Cast: Fairuza Balk, Mat t Dillon, Stephen Dor f f, Deborah Harry, Johnny Knox ville, Frankie Muniz, Brad Renfro, Balthazar Get ty.

E.T. (PG) — Stephen Spielberg celebrates the 20th anniversary of his ex traterrestrial epic with a restored rerelease, featuring previously deleted scenes and new special ef fects. Starring Henry Thomas and a young Drew Barrymore as a brother and sister who protect and befriend an alien stranded on Ear th, the “E.T.” 20th Anniversary Edition is set to captivate a new audience.

Cast: Henry Thomas, Debra Winger, Drew Barrymore.

Running time: 120 minutes.

40 Days and 40 Nights (R) — Josh Har tnet t is Mat t, a San Franciscan devastated to lose his blonde prize, Nicole. Soon she is pledged to another, and Mat t staggers blindly into a special Lenten sacrifice: 40 days and nights of voluntary celibacy, to the shock of his hormonally ape-like buddies and the alarm of his brother, an aspiring priest who lets him vent in

?

“Spider-Man” the confessional. Of course, his celibacy sparks rumors of gayness. Soon there's a bet ting pool online to see if he can go the distance. Mat t, his mind altered by denial, star ts to sense women's real needs, incarnated by Erica (Shannyn Sossamon). Michael Lehmann directed very lightly, as if hang-gliding through the vir tually empty plot. The laughs are sitcom shaped. You might come out sexier, or swearing of f for quite a while. Cast: Josh Har tnet t, Shannyn Sossamon, Vinessa Shaw, Mary Gross, Barry Newman, Paul Costanzo, Grif fin Dunne. Running time: 1 hr., 34 mins. (Elliot t) ★★ Frailty (R) — This thriller, Bill Pa x ton’s directorial debut, follows the FBI on their search for a serial killer who dubs himself “God’s Hands.” The agents are stumped until a young man, Fenton Meeks, comes forward with an intriguing story; the killer may be his brother. Meeks tells a disturbing tale about his late father’s delusions of destroying demons who inhabit human bodies and how these same delusions may be haunting his younger brother. Cast: Bill Pa x ton, Mat thew McConaughey, Powers Boothe, Luke Askew, Mat thew O’Leary. Running time: 100 minutes.

Harry Potter and the Sorcerer’s Stone (PG) — It would be hard to imagine a bet ter Harry than

“Jason X” RATINGS

★★★★ — Excellent.

★★★— Worthy.

Daniel Radclif fe. And, forming a Three Musketeers of sorcery, he finds wonder ful chums at Hogwar ts.

Emma Watson is Hermione and Ruper t Grint is Ron. Much of the movie is given over to exploring the amazing Hogwar ts castle, and a dark forest, plus a seismically shaking chess match and a sor t of "Star Wars"on-brooms aerial game. A big asset is the gallery of old-pro British actors who teach, tease and taunt the students. "The wand chooses the wizard, Mr. Pot ter," intones John Hur t, and the worldwide population of Pot terites will gladly choose this movie. It waves a wand of instant appeal, and gives viewers the sor t of compelling rush that draws them back to "Peter Pan" and "E.T.," to "Star Wars" and "The Black Stallion."

Cast: Daniel Radclif fe, Emma Watson, Ruper t Grint, John Cleese, Robbie Coltrane, John Hur t, Ian Har t, Alan Rickman, Richard Harris, Maggie Smith. Running time: 2 hrs. 32 min. (Elliot t) ★★★★ High Crimes (PG-13) — Morgan Freeman, wry old acting master, carries much of this taut but implausible thriller, which involves military cover-ups and a chilling trial, though early clues harm the whopper finish. Carl Franklin also got good work from Ashley Judd, Jim Caviezel, Amanda Peet and Adam Scot t. 1 hr., 47 mins. (Elliot t). ★★1/2

“Deuces Wild” ★★ — Mixed.

★ — Poor.

0— Not worthy.

Ice Age (PG) — Most of "Ice Age" is about a lippy sloth named Sid, voiced by John Leguizamo (is there a less sloth-like actor alive?). Fleeing the advancing polar ice cap, he tries fiercely to bond with a hairy mammoth, Manfred (Ray Romano) and even a sabertoothed tiger, Diego (Denis Leary). Sure enough, Sid, Manfred and Diego rescue a human baby from marauding saber-toothed tigers. That's the story: the three travelers, each way ahead of the evolutionary curve with their jokes, and the papoose-like human with big eyes, and the pursuing big cats, who expect Diego to betray his new companions. There is a clima x, so safely predictable you won't find your temperature budging. "Ice Age" will probably get enough kids smiling to earn its big cost back, and then some.

Voices: Ray Romano, John Leguizamo, Denis Leary, Goran Visnjic, Jack Black, Tara Strong. Running time: 1 hr., 24 mins. (Elliot t) ★★ Jason X (R) — The latest in the “Friday the 13th” series, “Jason X” puts a sci-fi spin on a classic horror favorite. In the year 2455, a group of young explorers visits Ear th, which has turned toxic and been abandoned by humanity. They find Jason, cryogenically frozen and spor ting a hockey mask (later replaced by a futuristic-looking metal one), and make the mistake of bringing him on board their spacecraf t. He thaws and silently stalks the crew throughout the ship’s corridors.

Plenty of gory special ef fects. Cast: Kane Hodder, Lexa Doig, Peter Mensah, Jonathan Pot ts, Lisa Ryder, Dov Tiefenbach. Running time: 93 minutes.

John Q (R) — “John Q” is fairly engrossing and fairly bad. John Q's (Denzel Washington) son suddenly collapses at a Lit tle League game, freaking John and his fiercely commit ted wife, Denise (Kimberley Elise).

We know the family is in economic straits, and when the boy is taken to a big Chicago hospital, it turns out that John's medical plan has been cheapened by his employer, and the $250,000 needed for a hear t transplant is not available. Agonized, John takes over the emergency room and some hostages. Despite some brickload dialogue and a music track that of ten seems to have its own agenda, Washington is a great actor.

Even when forced into tears, into emotional taf fypulling, he brings weight and depth and dignity to his work. Oscar may notice. Cast: Rober t Duvall, James Woods, Anne Heche, Kimberley Elise, Eddie Grif fin, Ray Liot ta. Running time: 1 hr., 56 mins. (Elliot t) ★★ Life or Something Like It (PG-13) —

Transfixed as a girl by watching Marilyn Monroe on TV, Seat tle's Lainie Kerrigan (Angelina Jolie) grows up to be very blond and very TV. Local news star Lainie itemizes her "great job, great boy friend, great hair " like Socrates espousing the Platonic forms of the Good. The only fly in her pink ointment is that Jack the street prophet (Tony Shalhoub) predicts, along with some coming spor ts and weather, her eminent death — bummer! Director Stephen Herek has had a loopy career arc from "Crit ters" to "Mr. Holland's Opus," from "101 Dalmatians" to "Rock Star." You might say he was prepared to do this. No one ought to be prepared for it. Cast: Angelina Jolie, Edward Burns, Stockard Channing, Tony Shalhoub, James Gammon.

Running time: 1 hr., 43 min. (Elliot t) 0 The Lord of the Rings (PG-13) — Simply saying the title is a verbal project. Watching the film for three hours is like hearing Wagner's Ring Cycle remastered by a genius of the kazoo — the concepts remain grandiose, but the music gets rather oopsy.

The movie is visually spectacular, a feast from the kitsch kitchen. The story is a quest to return " the ring of power " to its bir thplace "in the fire of Mount Doom." The opening is not a movie launch, it's a franchise arrival, a hugely expensive gamble that the aging Tolkien mob can be whopper-welded to new crowds.

The sights are ga-ga, but the story telling gets fairly

turgid. As with the last "Star Wars" picture, we detect a team of imagineers stretching their plot like a Goliath of taf fy — tempting us, teasing us, set ting us up for future box-of fice kills. If you just got ta get killed that way, go for it. Cast: Elijah Wood, Ian McKellen, Christopher Lee, Viggo Mor tensen, Cate Blanchet t, Sean Astin, Liv Tyler, Ian Holm, Sean Bean. Running time: 3 hrs. (Elliot t). ★★ Monster’s Ball (R) — Strong, rather solemn drama of a New South town on the old racial divide, Billy Bob Thornton underplaying as a miserable prison guard who finds some wor th by loving a distraught mom (Halle Berry, fine and physically brave). Candid sex, true dialogue, pure-racist per formance by Peter Boyle, savvy direction by Marc Foster. Cast: Billy Bob Thornton, Halle Berry, Peter Boyle, Sean “Puf fy” Combs. Running time: 1 hr. 48 mins.(Elliot t) ★★★ Murder by Numbers (R) — Stars Sandra Bullock as a Nor thern California homicide detective named Cassie, with a tormented past. She has a wiry, noir vulnerability as this cop who tries to be a calloused, brusque, sexually-available toughie. Ben Chaplin is her new par tner, Sam. They have a brutal case, the " thrill" murder of a young woman. Ryan Gosling plays the pure cynic, a sociopath, and Michael Pit t is the nerd genius. The film moves on formulaic rails. The sado bits include a bizarre monkey moment, and a gaspy precipice clima x that mimics Hitchcock.

The more the characters suggest specific humanity — and Bullock does some of her best adult work so far — the more the bland surroundings numb them down, by the numbers. Cast: Sandra Bullock, Ben Chaplin, Ryan Gosling, Michael Pit t, Chris Penn. Running time: 1 hr., 48 mins. (Elliot t) ★★ National Lampoon’s Van Wilder (R) — The latest NL romp is about a college slacker (Ryan Reynolds), and manages to balance out the gross yucks with lit tle details of character and story; also starring Tara Reid, Tim Matheson. 95 mins. (Carroll) ★★★ Panic Room (R) — Not since Hitchcock's "Rear Window" has a New York location been used more suspensefully than in "Panic Room." This New York home is a lavish town house that includes a "panic room," a top-floor security crib. Breaking into the seemingly vacant house on a stormy evening are three men who expect an easy job. Most surprised by this intrusion are Jodie Foster and her on-screen daughter, played by Kristen Stewar t. They flee to the panic room to find a phone that doesn't work and watch the frustrated crooks on the security screens. "Panic Room" is a cold sweat, fevered by frantic impulses. It's terrific enter tainment. Cast: Jodie Foster, Forest Whitaker, Dwight Yoakam, Kristen Stewar t, Patrick Bauchau, Jared Leto. Running time: 1 hr. 48 min. ★★★★ The Queen of the Damned (R) — The movie is dedicated to the late pop star Aaliyah, who died at 22 in a plane crash on Aug. 25. Cynicism suggests that it is in theaters less in her honor than because much money is tied up in it, and there are living careers still to be advanced. But who, really, wants to take credit? Maybe not director Michael Rymer, who seems just a bored assembler. Maybe not, very much, the ef fects specialists. They manage to set rakish, Goth-clad vampires on fire and then launch them into the air like flying charcoal briquets. Maybe the main credit is Stuar t Townsend, as Anne Rice's fabled night crawler Lestat. The film's style is ornate, shrill and MTV, which is tired. The whole vampire genre has tired blood. Cast: Aaliyah, Stuar t Townsend, Vincent Perez, Lena Olin, Marguerite Moreau. Running time: 1 hr., 39 mins. (Elliot t) ★

continued on page 30

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The Rookie (G) — Dennis Quaid at 47 is a bet ter

actor than ever in "The Rookie." He plays Jimmy Morris, who gets a late chance to become a baseball star. Morris is a lit tle league baseball coach in Texas, where football is king. He regrets he gave up on his at tempt to become a star big-league pitcher. When his lit tle league boys urge him to get back into pitching, he does, and tries to get into the show again. It's a Disney movie, G-rated, with safe lingo, gentle humor, buddy bonding and a firm net of family values. What works about "The Rookie" is the grounded verity of its places and people. Cast: Dennis Quaid, Rachel Grif fiths, Brian Cox, Beth Grant, Angus T. Jones.

Running time: 2 hrs., 9 mins. (Elliot t) ★★1/2 The Scorpion King (PG-13) — The Rock (Dwayne Douglas Johnson) plays Mathayus " the Akkadian." Up nor th are hair y Vikings, or Visigoths, or Who, but deser t lands, including sinful Gomorrah, are ruled by the crazed t yrant Memnon (Steven Brand). Mathayus leads the tribal remnant of free humans against him. First, Rock abducts and wins over the mean guy's sorceress (Kelly Hu). She joins him, a camel, a cute scamp, a silly sidekick and a vast dude who should be called the Meat (Michael Clarke Duncan of "The Green Mile"). The movie has epic sand, computerized vistas, harems of buf f women, ex treme violence dr y-cleaned of blood, lines that roll of f the tongue like bricks and costumes worthy of an old DeMille show. The pulp purit y goes back before silent films and is breezy fun on a toymacho level. Cast: The Rock, Steven Brand, Michael Clarke Duncan, Kelly Hu, Bernard Hu. Running time: 1 hr., 32 mins. (Elliot t) ★★ A Shot at Glory (R) — Gordon McLeod, the manager of a Second Division Scot tish football team, is pressured by the team’s American owner to win the Scot tish Cup. Gordon’s forced to hire a hasbeen Premier League star, in the hopes of satisf ying the owner’s dreams and to ensure that the team isn’t moved out of the small town that’s been loyal to it for a centur y. Cast: Rober t Duvall, Michael Keaton, Ally McCoist, Libby Langdon, Brian Cox, Cole Hauser, Morag Hood, Kirst y Mitchell. Running time: 115 minutes.

Showtime (PG-13) — First bad idea: Cast Rober t De Niro as a tough cop in a TV "reality" show that has silly fun with tough cops. He hates the show and his new celebrity. At the end, af ter countless scowls and slow burns and repressed (or implied) profanities, he gets a cute dog. Another bad one: Eddie Murphy as a wannabe tough cop who is so busy doing bad TV cop schtick in hopes of get ting on TV that, inevitably, he is cast as De Niro's par tner in the stupid show. Worst idea: the crunch moments, when "Show time" goes from parody of bad TV cop jive to "real" action scenes

that are only expensive TV cop jive, with explosions, jackknifing cars and wild gun-downs. Writ ten in a sweat lodge of commit tee compulsion by a team of writers, directed by Tom Dey like a prom for demented forklif ts, "Show time" does, even in its worst impulses, get some laughs. Cast: Eddie Murphy, Rober t De Niro, Rene Russo, William Shatner. Running time: 1 hr., 36 mins. (Elliot t) ★1/2 Snow Dogs (PG) — This warm comedy is more about human feelings than goofy dog antics. It may not be the zany fish-out-of-water story, but it has a lot more hear t than you'd expect. Cuba Gooding Jr. plays a dentist who gets an unexpected inheritance and decides to visit the rugged town of Tolketna, where he finds out he's also inherited a team of sled dogs. The movie is neither too serious nor too funny. 1 hr., 39 mins. (Nina Garin) ★★ Spider-Man (PG-13) — Here comes the longawaited adaptation of the classic comic book series.

In case you don’t know the drill, Peter Parker is a geek y high school student who is bit ten by a genetically-altered spider and given superpowers.

Following the death of his beloved uncle at the hands of a criminal, Peter vows to use his powers responsibly and for good. He fights villians like the Green Goblin, a scientist who’s altered himself in a botched experiment, and tries to win the af fections of classmate Mar y Jane. The movie is surprisingly faithful to the material from which it was gleaned, a fate that of ten escapes adaptations such as this. Cast: Tobey Maguire, Willem Dafoe, Kirsten Dunst, James Franco, Rosemar y Harris, Joe Manganiello, Clif f Rober tson.

Running time: 112 minutes.

The Sweetest Thing (R) — Three go-get-'em hotsies (Cameron Diaz, Christina Applegate, Selma Blair) live a high-glit z, navel-oriented lifest yle bent on out-grossing the Farrelly Brothers. Diaz (who cleans up well) and Applegate comprise a crackerjack comedy team, although they can't salvage this oral-sex fixated raunch fest. But If you think you'd like a movie in which a woman has sex in a dressing room with a guy in an elephant costume ... 1 hr., 15 mins. (Salm) ★★ The Time Machine (PG-13) — Guy Pearce, very intense and gaunt, is H.G. Wells' famous timetraveler, in a film of exciting design and special ef fects and maybe too much monster shock for kids as he discovers a future where barely human beasts prey upon sweet lotus types. Samantha Mumba is lovely, while Jeremy Irons is like a surreal update on Johnny Winters. 105 mins. (Elliot t). ★★ 1/2 —Capsules compiled from movie reviews written by David Elliott, film critic for The San Diego Union-Tribune and other staff writers.

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“The Lord of the Rings: Fellowship of the Ring”

31

Cinema: Review

“Spider-Man”: Faithful and Colorful Adaptation

A

mid the swirl of disaster that recently befell New York City and the real-life heroes who were there to answer the call, there’s still something quite comforting in knowing that a certain famous arachnid superhero is swinging from the skyscrapers, ridding the metropolis of evildoers. In other words, there couldn’t be a better time to welcome “Spider-Man” into theaters than now.

The first bonafide blockbuster of the summer season and the casting and directing choices surrounding this much-anticipated and hyped adaptation of Stan Lee’s beloved comic book series were all the talk when word got out that there was going to be a film based on the famous Spider-Man character. Was Tobey Maguire, heretofore the nerdy darling of indie cinema, right to play Peter Parker, much less any superhero? Did Sam Raimi, most well-known for helming the “Evil Dead” trilogy, seem like a logical choice to direct? And finally, would “Spider-Man” be a satisfying and intelligently handled recreation of Stan Lee’s vivid world or

would it, like so many other cinematic adaptations of well-known comic books (Spawn, Judge Dred and Tank Girl, to name a few), be a disappointing foray into the funnies?

As it turns out, Tobey Maguire was the perfect choice for the lead; Sam Raimi is brilliant behind the camera; and “Spider-Man” is a faithful and fun adaptation. It seems as though films based on comic books often fail in their recreation of the setting. Two of the best films based on famous comic books, “Dick Tracy” and “Batman,” do wonderfully vivid jobs with their disparate sets. From the corny, colorful world of big suits and kitschy ’50s diners that “Dick Tracy” evokes to the dark, foreboding underworld that is Gotham in “Batman,” both films brilliantly personified the worlds they were depicting with their impeccable set design and costuming. And while “Spider-Man” doesn’t leave its mark through its use of sets or costumes, it manages to set itself apart by becoming an unexpectedly attuned character study.

As Peter Parker, a nerdy high schooler who, after being bitten by a genetically engineered spider, gains superhuman powers, Tobey Maguire is the perfect blend of vulnerability, wide-eyed innocence and charisma. Keeping uncannily true to Stan Lee’s original storyline, Parker initially fumbles learning how to simply use his powers and then struggles more profoundly with the complex issues being a superhero brings with it. Not only does Raimi do a wonderful job showing how Parker must figure out how to move (the process of shooting webs out of your wrist and swinging from skyscraper to skyscraper is not nearly as convenient or easy as it looks), he also handles the more dramatic elements of his central character’s transformation wonderfully.

Weighing in as the cantankerous villain, Norman Osborn/Green Goblin, Willem Defoe is delightfully over-the-top. As an ambitious businessman who, after testing his secret serum, turns into a vengeful green monster with super human powers, Defoe imbues his baddie with an amusing case of schizophrenia. Hearing his alter ego beckon him to perform evil acts in the mirror, Defoe struts around with a fiendish grin one moment and a tormented mug the next.

And Raimi does well in chronicling the parallel transformation both hero and villain endure as each learns to live with their newly formed better halves.

Working off of the lighthearted tone of Stan Lee’s comic, “Spider-Man” blends comedy and irony with great success. As Peter Parker/Spider-Man is out saving the city, will he make it to Thanksgiving dinner on time and avoid being found out by his frail Aunt May in the process? It’s this type of scenario, combined with the more profound issue that Parker must sacrifice a normal life at great cost in order to be a superhero, that makes “Spider-Man” entertaining without feeling slight.

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Movie

Clock

REGAL AUGUSTA EXCHANGE 20 Movies Good 5/3 - 5/9 Spider-Man (PG-13) Fri-Sat: 12:00, 12:30, 1:00, 1:30, 2:45, 3:30, 4:00, 4:30, 5:30, 7:00, 7:30, 7:50, 8:15, 9:40, 10:10, 10:30, 10:55, 12:20; Sun-Thurs: 12:00, 12:30, 1:00, 1:30, 2:45, 3:30, 4:00, 4:30, 5:30, 7:00, 7:30, 7:50, 8:15, 9:40, 10:10, 10:30, 10:55 Deuces Wild (R) Fri-Sat: 1:40, 4:10, 7:20, 9:45, 12:10; Sun-Thur: 1:40, 4:10, 7:20, 9:45 Jason X (R) Fri-Sat: 12:35, 2:55, 5:20, 7:50, 10:15, 12:30; Sun-Thur: 12:35, 2:55, 5:20, 7:50, 10:15 Life or Something Like It (PG-13) 12:05, 2:35, 5:05, 7:55, 10:40 The Scorpion King (PG-13) Fri-Sat: 12:00, 12:30, 1:00, 2:20, 2:50, 3:20, 4:40, 5:10, 5:45, 7:15, 7:45, 8:00, 9:30, 10:00, 10:15, 11:50, 12:20, 12:40; Sun-Thur: 12:00, 12:30, 1:00, 2:20, 2:50, 3:20, 4:40, 5:10, 5:45, 7:15, 7:45, 8:00, 9:30, 10:00, 10:15 Murder by Numbers (R) 12:20, 3:55, 7:00, 9:50 The Sweetest Thing (R) Fri-Sat: 12:45, 3:00, 5:15, 8:05, 10:20, 12:35; Sun-Thur: 12:45, 3:00, 5:15, 8:05, 10:20 Changing Lanes (R) 12:05, 2:30, 5:25, 7:55, 10:30 Frailty (R) Fri-Sat: 1:20, 4:05, 7:05, 10:00, 12:35; Sun-Thur: 1:20, 4:05, 7:05, 10:00 High Crimes (R) 1:35, 4:40, 7:40, 10:25 National Lampoon’s Van Wilder (R) Fri-Sat: 7:20, 9:35, 12:00; Sun-Thur: 7:20, 9:35 Clockstoppers (PG) 12:15, 2:35, 5:00 Panic Room (R) Fri-Sat: 1:10, 3:50, 7:10, 9:50, 12:25; Sun-Thur: 1:10, 3:50, 7:10, 9:50 The Rookie (G) 12:40, 4:20, 7:35, 10:35 Blade 2 (R) 12:10, 2:40, 5:10, 7:40, 9:40, 10:10 Ice Age (G) Fri-Sat: 12:00, 2:10, 4:15, 7:10, 9:20, 11:40; Sun-Thur: 12:00, 2:10, 4:15, 7:10, 9:20 EVANS 12 CINEMAS Movies Good 5/3 - 5/9 Spider-Man (PG-13) Fri-Sun: 1:15, 1:45, 2:30, 4:15, 4:45, 5:30, 7:00, 7:30, 8:30, 9:30, 10:00; Mon-Thur: 4:15, 4:45, 5:30, 7:00, 7:30, 8:30, 9:30, 10:00 Deuces Wild (R) Fri-Sun: 2:00, 4:30, 7:15, 9:40; Mon-Thur: 4:30, 7:15, 9:40 Life or Something Like It (PG-13) Fri-Sun: 1:00, 4:00, 7:10, 9:40; Mon-Thur: 4:00, 7:10, 9;40

Jason X (R) Fri-Sun: 1:15, 3:20, 5:35, 7:45, 10:00; Mon-Thur: 5:35, 7:45, 10:00 The Scorpion King (PG-13) Fri-Sun: 1:40, 3:40, 5:40, 7:40, 9:50; Mon-Thur: 5:40, 7:40, 9:50 Murder by Numbers (R) Fri-Sun: 2:15, 4:45, 7:20, 9:45; Mon-Thur: 4:45, 7:20, 9:45 Changing Lanes (R) Fri-Sun: 1:05, 3:05, 5:05, 7:05, 9:20; Mon-Thur: 5:05, 7:05, 9:20 High Crimes (PG-13) Fri-Sun: 2:30, 5:00, 7:35, 9:55; Mon-Thur: 5:00, 7:35, 9:55 The Rookie (G) Fri-Sun: 1:30, 4:10, 7:00, 9:35; Mon-Thur: 4:10, 7:00, 9:35 Ice Age (PG) Fri-Sun: 1:10, 3:10, 5:10, 7:10, 9:10; Mon-Thur: 5:10, 7:10, 9:10 MASTERS 7 CINEMAS Movies Good 5/3 - 5/9 Spider-Man (PG-13) Fri: 4:15, 7:00, 9:30; SatSun: 1:15, 4:15, 7:00, 9:30; Mon-Thur: 4:15, 7:00, 9:30 Jason X (R) Fri: 5:30, 7:30, 9:45; Sat-Sun: 1:30, 3:30, 5:30, 7:30, 9:45; Mon-Thur: 5:30, 7:30, 9:45 Life or Something Like It (PG-13) Fri: 4:10, 7:10, 9:25; Sat-Sun: 1:10, 4:10, 7:10, 9:25; Mon-Thur: 4:10, 7:10, 9:25 Scorpion King (PG-13) Fri: 5:15, 7:15, 9:15; Sat-Sun: 1:15, 3:15, 5:15, 7:15, 9:15 MonThur: 5:15, 7:15, 9:15 Murder by Numbers (R) Fri: 4:30, 7:25, 9:40; Sat-Sun: 1:45, 4:30, 7:25, 9:40; Mon-Thur: 4:30, 7:25, 9:40 Changing Lanes (R) Fri: 5:20, 7:20, 9:20; SatSun: 1:20, 3:20, 5:20, 7:20, 9:20; Mon-Thur: 5:20, 7:20, 9:20 The Rookie (G) Fri: 4:00, 7:05, 9:35; Sat-Sun: 1:00, 4:00, 7:05, 9:35; Mon-Thur: 4:00, 7:05, 9:35 REGAL 12 CINEMAS Movies Good 5/3 - 5/9 John Q (PG-13) 2:25, 4:50, 7:20, 9:45 A Shot at Glory (R) 1:55, 4:30, 7:10, 9:40 Show time (PG-13) 2:40, 5:15, 7:50, 10:05 40 Days and 40 Nights (R) 2:10, 4:55, 7:35, 9:50 E.T. (PG) 2:05, 5:05, 7:30, 9:50 The Time Machine (PG-13) 2:30, 4:35, 7:25, 10:00 The Lord of the Rings (PG-13) 1:50, 5:00, 8:15 Queen of the Damned (R) 2:35, 4:55, 7:15, 9:35 A Beautiful Mind (PG-13) 2:15, 5:10, 8:00 Count of Monte Cristo (PG-13) 2:00, 4:40, 7:15, 9:55 Big Fat Liar (PG) 5:00, 10:00 Snow Dogs (PG) 2:20, 4:45, 7:05, 9:30 Harry Potter and the Sorcerer’s Stone (PG) 2:00, 7:00 Movie listings are subject to change without notice.

May 4th • Walk For Life

Eighth Street Plaza - 8:00am-1:00pm Contact Susan Swanson (706) 724-5531

May 5, 12, 19, 26 • Jazz Candlelight Concert Series

Eighth Street Bulkhead - 8:00pm-9:30pm In addition to bringing your picnic baskets, blankets and lawn chairs, we invite you to bring candles to add that touch of romanticism to the evening. • Admission $5.00

May 11 • Garden City Music Festival

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For information call (706) 826-4702.

May 18 • Gospel Extravaganza

Jessye Norman Amphitheater - 4:00pm-8:00pm Will feature “Old Time Religion on the Riverside.” • Call Gloria Glover (803) 442-3953.

May 18 • Saturday Night Live

Eighth Street Plaza - 7:00pm-11:00pm Enjoy the hottest bands in the CSRA performing all your favorites - Blues, Beach, Boogie, Classic Rock, R&B, and more. For more information call (706) 821-1754. (Tentative)

May 25 • CSRA Annual Gospelfest 2002

Jessye Norman Amphitheater - 5:00pm-10:00pm For participation and details call Friendship Baptist Church (706) 724-5850 or (706) 821-1754.

May 27 • Memorial Day Concert

Jessye Norman Amphitheater - 7:00pm “The Augusta Concert Band” presents a Memorial Day Tribute Concert. Free will donation.

RESUME & COVER LETTER Advertising Sales c/o The Metropolitan Spirit P.O. Box 3809 Augusta, GA 30914

706.738.1142

ALL REPLIES CONFIDENTIAL

The Metropolitan Spirit seeks experienced media sales people or people with qualified sales experience to sell display advertising. Excellent earnings, growth opportunity, and benefits.

9th Annual Blind Willie McTell Blues Festival • Saturday May 18, 2002 Hubert Sumlin

Carey Bell

Duke Robillard

Bill Sheffield

Steve Forbert

The Crosstie Walkers

Bob Margolin GATES OPEN AT NOON, RAIN OR SHINE. NO COOLERS, PETS, COOKING OR CAMPING. FOOD AND DRINKS AVAILABLE. Festival Site: 2 Miles North of I-20, Exit 172, at Thomson.

ADMISSION $15.00 In ADVANCE ... $20.00 AT THE GATE. Activities Council of Thomson PO Box 674 • Thomson, GA 30824 706.597.1000 • www.blindwillie.com Art by Alex Murawski, Graphics by Lanny Webb

Thomson Georgia

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Arts Auditions THE YOUTH WING OF THE AIKEN COMMUNITY PLAYHOUSE is holding auditions for “FAME” May 18-19 from 2-4 p.m. and May 20 from 6-8 p.m. Open to teens in middle and high school. For more information, call (803) 648-1438.

THE AUGUSTA PLAYERS CHILDREN’S WING will hold auditions for “Tom Sawyer” May 25 from 1-3 p.m.

Auditions will be held at the Augusta Players Warehouse, 1001 Walton Way. Per formance dates are June 28-29. For more information, call 826-4707.

THE AUGUSTA CHILDREN’S CHORALE will be auditioning children in grades 3-8 by appointment for the 2002-2003 season. To schedule an audition, please call 826-4718.

THE AUGUSTA CONCERT BAND holds auditions for new members by appointment. To schedule, call 202-0091.

Education “EXPERIMENTAL WATERMEDIA: BASIC COLLAGE” WORKSHOP at the Ger trude Herber t Institute of Ar t. Held May 11, 9:30 a.m.-3:30 p.m. Cost is $54 for Ger trude Herber t members; $60 for non-members. For more info, call 722-5495 or visit www.ghia.org on the Web. WATERCOLOR WORKSHOP taught by local ar tist Michael Pearson. Advanced beginners and intermediate students will learn to paint irises. Tuititon is $55, and Ger trude Herber t members receive 10 percent off. Session I is May 15, 9 a.m.-2 p.m.; Session II is May 18, 9 a.m.-2 p.m. Held at Ger trude Herber t’s Walker-Mackenzie Studio. Contact Dorothy Eckmann at 722-5495.

Exhibitions WALTON’S REFLECTIONS OF COLOR: 30 DAYS OF CREATIVE EXPRESSION features works by Georgia ar tists with disabilities at Rehabilitation Hospital, May 2 through June 2. Open 7 a.m.-9 p.m. to the public and free of charge. Call 823-8526.

NEW EXHIBIT AT THE SOUL BAR opens First Friday at 5 p.m. and features the work of ar tist David. For more information on this exhibit or about exhibiting work at the Soul Bar, call 724-8880.

OPENING EXHIBITS AT THE AIKEN CENTER FOR THE ARTS: the work of John Ishmael, abstract impressionist; Aiken Ar tist Guild Juried Show and Exhibition; Governor’s School Traveling Exhibition. Opening is May 3, 6-8 p.m.

Free and open to the public. For more info, call (803) 6419094.

DAVIDSON FINE ARTS MAGNET SCHOOL SENIOR EXIT EXHIBITION showcases works by visual ar tists graduating from the school. The exhibit is at the Ger trude Herber t Institute of Ar t and is free. For more information, call 722-5495.

STUDENT ARTWORK by Jennifer Foshee, Jeanet te Kulp and Leigh Weiss will be at the Enterprise Mill Gallery through May 3. Free. For more information, call 774-9220.

QUILT AND HANGING EXHIBIT BY GUILA DENNIS May 3 at Banker Dearing Gallery on Broad Street. For more information, call the gallery at 823-1060.

K ATHLEEN WILLINGHAM RICHARDS EXHIBIT at Jim Gensheer’s Ar t Galler y on Macar tan Street. May 3 from 5-9 p.m.

ONGOING EXHIBITS AT THE GEORGIA MUSEUM OF ART in Athens include the Master of Fine Arts Degree Candidates Exhibition through May 5; and “From Fauvism to Impressionism: Albert Marquet, an Exhibition from the Centre Pompidou in Paris,” through July 7. For more information, call (706) 542-4662 or visit www.uga.edu/gamuseum.

SAVAGE GALLERY AND STUDIO is exhibiting paintings by John B. Savage Sr., Russ Bonin and Randy Lambeth; pottery by David Stuar t; and sculpture by John B. Savage Jr. through May 3. The Savage Gallery and Studio is located at 1337 Jackson Road. Open Tuesday-Friday from 11 a.m. to 5 p.m. and Saturday from 11 a.m. to 6 p.m. For more information, contact gallery director Carin Boyd at 7363336 or e-mail savagegallery@yahoo.com.

THE WORK OF EDWARD RICE will be on display at the Mary Pauline Gallery though June 8. For more information, call the gallery at 724-9542.

WORKS BY MARYANNE KELLY HAND now on display at the SouthEastern NeuroScience Building on Roy Road off Wheeler Road. Held through the summer. For more information, contact Maryanne Kelly Hand at 667-6622.

“VISUALIZING THE BLUES: IMAGES OF THE AMERICAN SOUTH, 1862-1999” will be on display at the Columbia Museum of Ar t through May 26. Features photographs

by Eudora Welt y, Gordon Parks, Walker Evans, Dorothea Lange, Henri Car tier-Bresson and others. Visit www.columbiamuseum.org on the Web or call (803) 799-2810.

THE WORK OF KAY HUONGRAJ is on display at the Metro Coffeehouse on Broad Street throughout May. For more information, call the Metro Coffeehouse at 722-6468.

“A DELICATE BOUQUET: FRENCH FLORAL STUDIES” runs through May 24 at the Main Gallery at Ware’s Folly. This collection of detailed drawings by an anonymous follower of French flower painter Antoine Berjon is on loan from the permanent collection at the Georgia Museum of Ar t. For information, call 722-5495 or visit www.ghia.org on the Web. “RECENT WORKS FROM GERTRUDE HERBERT STUDIO ART CLASSES” exhibit runs through May 31 at the Gallery at Walker-Mackenzie Studio, 509 Fif th Street. The exhibit features selected works by student par ticipants in the Ger trude Herber t visual ar ts classes, and a variety of media will be represented. Call 722-5495 for additional information.

Acclaimed songwriter and veteran folk singer Steve Forbert has an opinion about the blues. Anybody can have them. “Every day you have everybody from stockbrokers to librarians who jump off bridges and out of windows. You’ve certainly got to feel it to play it, but that doesn’t mean you feel it more than the person sitting right in front of you in the audience.”

This will be his first trip to play the Blind Willie McTell Blues Festival, and the Nashville-based musician is looking forward to it mightily. “I’ve wanted to do it for a while,” he said.

So, what makes a good musician if not more intense emotions?

“Well,” Forbert said, “I think you have to love what you do. And not to be too corny, but I think you generally want to make people feel better, not just entertain them, but you want to give them something.”

Forbert’s first album was titled “Alive on Arrival,” and he’s still kicking pretty good.

You can come see him on festival day, May 18 at the Ninth Annual Blind Willie McTell Blues Festival, starting at noon. They’ll be in the same location as always, which is two miles north of I-20, exit 172 in Thomson, Ga. You can check out Forbert at www.steveforbert.com beforehand if you want. For ticket and other info, go to www.blindwillie.com.

SOUTH CAROLINA STATEWIDE QUILT SHOW at the Aiken County Historical Museum. Exhibit runs through May 5.

Phone (803) 642-2017 for information.

USC-AIKEN GALLERY EXHIBITS: USC-Aiken student ar t is featured at the Upper Gallery through May 5, and photos by David Morgan are featured at the Lower Gallery through May 11. For info, phone (803) 641-3305.

Dance BALLROOM DANCE LESSONS run in six-week sessions through June 4. Only pairs may register. Cost is $40/couple. Held at the Odell Weeks Center. Call (803) 642-7631.

“THE LEGEND OF THE HATFIELDS AND MCCOYS” bluegrass ballet returns to the Imperial Theatre May 3-4.

Bluegrass legend Sam Bush and his band per form live with the dancers of the Augusta Ballet. Per formances are 8 p.m.

May 3 and 3 p.m. and 8 p.m. May 4. Tickets are $10-$35 and can be purchased by visiting or calling the Augusta Ballet box office at 261-0555.

Music NINTH ANNUAL BLIND WILLIE MCTELL BLUES FESTIVAL May 18, noon until dark, in Thomson. Outdoor festival site is 2 miles north of I-20, exit 172. Features Hubert Sumlin, Bob Margolin, Carey Bell, Steve Forbert, Duke Robillard, the Crosstie Walkers and Bill Sheffield. No coolers or pets, and food and beverages are available at the site. Call the Thomson Tourism Office at 597-1000 or visit www.blindwillie.com.

A DAY IN THE COUNTRY MUSIC FESTIVAL May 5 at Augusta River front Marina. Festivities star t at 11 a.m. and include two per formance stages, an ar ts and craf ts show, fire safety demonstrations, children’s activities and a car show. Tickets are $10 in advance and $20 the day of the festival; proceeds benefit the Southeastern Firefighters Burn Foundation. Tickets available at www.tixonline.com or charge by phone at (803) 278-4TIX. A FESTIVAL OF THREE CHOIRS with the Augusta Chorale and the Augusta Children’s Chorale will be at Sacred Hear t Cultural Center May 18. Concer t begins at 8 p.m., and tick-

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ets are $18 for adults and $15 for seniors and students.

For more information, phone 826-4713 or visit www.augustachoralesociety.org on the Web.

M E T R O

CONCERT OF THREE ORCHESTRAS featuring the Augusta Youth Orchestras and the Augusta Flute Orchestra will be at the Ma xwell Per forming Ar ts Theatre at ASU. Star ts at 7 p.m., May 6. Free and open to the public. Call 731-7971.

S P I R I T

HOPELANDS SUMMER CONCERT SERIES kicks off May 6 at 7 p.m. with a concer t by the Aiken Community Band on the Roland H. Windham Performing Ar ts Stage. Bring a lawn chair or blanket and a picnic supper. In case of rain, concer t will be held in Weeks Center Gym 2. Call (803) 642-7631.

Theater “A MIDSUMMER NIGHT’S DREAM” is presented by the Augusta Theatre Company and runs May 3-18. Cur tain is at 7:30 p.m. for Thursday and Friday per formances, 8 p.m. for Saturday per formances, and 3 p.m. for matinee performances. Evening ticket prices are $15 for adults, $10 for students and seniors; matinee ticket price is $10.

Tickets can be purchased at the door or online at www.augustatheatre.com. For more information, call the box office at 481-9040.

“WOODY GUTHRIE’S AMERICAN SONG” musical tribute will be per formed by the Alliance Theatre Company May 9June 9, with a gala opening May 15. Presented on the Alliance Stage at the Woodruff Ar ts Center in midtown Atlanta. Tickets are $21-$60 and may be purchased by calling (404) 733-5000 or online at www.alliancetheatre.org.

“PINOCCHIO” will be presented by the American Theatre Ar ts for Youth May 9 at the Imperial Theatre. For ticket information, please call the Imperial Theatre at 722-8341.

“YOU’RE A GOOD MAN, CHARLIE BROWN” will be performed at the Nor th Augusta High School Auditorium May 3-5. 7 p.m. per formances May 3 and 4; 3 p.m. per formance May 5. General admission is $6. For information, contact Kevin Creel at (803) 278-6563 or Nor th Augusta High School at (803) 442-6100.

“A LITTLE BIT OF THIS, A LITTLE BIT OF THAT” spring recital show will conclude the 26th season of the Augusta Mini Theatre. Show features over 60 drama and piano students per forming in one-act plays. May 3-4, 8 p.m. at the Jack B. Patrick Technology Center at Augusta Technical College. Tickets are $7 and are available at Augusta Mini Theatre or by calling 722-0598.

NEWBERRY HOUSE OPERA TRIP: “ALWAYS PATSY CLINE” June 2. Registration is required by May 18. The trip is for seniors and adults, and the $25/person fee does not include dinner. Leaves the Odell Weeks Center at 1:15 p.m. To register, call (803) 642-7631.

May 4th, 2002 • 3-7 pm

Augusta Riding Center on Flowing Wells Rd. www.augustatrainingshop.com

$30 Per Person Great food and drink • Mint Juleps Fashionable hat contest Live music • Raffles Watch the Derby on big screens THE social event of the spring Tickets Available at the Door or Call

738-1358

Co-Promotion with NBC26

Sponsored By:

Luminaries For Sale…To Remember The Battle We want to honor area cancer survivors and remember those who have lost the fight with cancer

M AY 1 0 T H & 1 1 T H

“OVER THE RIVER AND THROUGH THE WOODS” is coming to the For t Gordon Dinner Theatre May 3-4 and 9-11.

Tickets are $30 or $28 for seniors (65 and over). For tickets, call the box office at 739-8552 or buy online at www.for tgordon.com/theatre.htm#overriver.

at Greenbrier High School

Luminaries may be purchased for a minimum of $5.00 per luminary.

MURDER AT THE PARTRIDGE INN SERIES PERFORMANCES May 19 and June 23. Tickets are $35 per person and include grand dinner buffet at 7:30 p.m. Show star ts at 8 p.m. For reservation information, call the Par tridge Inn at 737-8888, ex t. 201.

“JESUS CHRIST SUPERSTAR” will be per formed May 1719 at the Imperial Theatre. May 17-18 per formances are at 8 p.m.; May 19 per formance is at 3 p.m. Tickets range from $10-$30. Tickets can be charged by phone by calling the Augusta Players Business Office at 826-4707.

Voted Best Steak In Augusta Year After Year Come Eat With Us!

A luminary bag with your loved one’s name written on it will line the track at the Relay. It will shine all night to help us remember to keep up the fight.

The luminary ceremony is one of the most special parts of the American Cancer Society’s Relay for Life. Honor a loved one who is a cancer survivor or remember someone you’ve lost in this meaningful way.

To Purchase A Luminary Call

706-731-9900 Sponsors of the 2002 American Cancer Society Relay For Life Are:

AUGUSTA ONCOLOGY ASSOCIATES For the care of Cancer & Malignant Diseases

2856 Washington

1654 Gordon Hwy.

73-STEAK 796-1875

Open 11am - till Late Night, Every Night!

TAKE OUTS AVAILABLE

M A Y 2 2 0 0 2

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Attractions

M E T R RIVERBANKS ZOO AND GARDEN EXTENDED HOURS: On O weekends, Riverbanks’ admission gates open at 9 a.m. and S P I R I T

close at 5 p.m., though visitors may stay in the park until 6 p.m. Weekday admission is from 9 a.m. to 4 p.m. Regular admission is $7.25 for adults and $4.75 for children ages 3-12. For information, call (803) 779-8717 or visit their Web site at www.riverbanks.org.

THOROUGHBRED RACING HALL OF FAME celebrates

M Aiken’s contributions to equestrian spor ts. The Hall of Fame A is open Tuesday through Sunday from 2-5 p.m., weather Y permit ting. For more information, call 642-7650.

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THE BOYHOOD HOME OF WOODROW WILSON circa 1859 Presbyterian manse occupied by the family of President Woodrow Wilson as a child during the Civil War and Reconstruction. Original and period antiques, restored house, kitchen and carriage house, located at 419 Telfair Street. Open 10 a.m.-5 p.m., Tuesday through Saturday.

Tours are available. Tours for groups of 10 or more by appointment only. Admission is $5 for adults, $4 for seniors, $3 for students under 18 and free for ages five and under. For more information, call 724-0436.

AUGUSTA GOLF & GARDENS OF THE GEORGIA GOLF HALL OF FAME features beautiful display gardens, as well as bronze sculptures of some of golf’s greatest masters.

Available for rent for a variety of functions, including weddings, receptions, photo sessions, business lunches, cocktail par ties, bir thday par ties and more. Group discount rates are available. Closed on Mondays; open from 9 a.m. to 5 p.m. Tuesday through Saturday; open from 1 to 5 p.m. on Sunday. Admission is $5.50 for adults; $4.50 for students, seniors and military; $3.50 for children (4 to 12); free for children 3 under. Sundays are two for one with a “Super Sunday” coupon. Annual garden memberships are available. For more information, call 724-4443 or 1-888874-4443. Also, visit their Web site at www.gghf.org.

FORT DISCOVERY/NATIONAL SCIENCE CENTER Children and adults alike can immerse themselves in the wonders of science through live demonstrations, vir tual realities, Starlab, KidScape and more than 270 hands-on exhibits.

General Admission: $8 for adults; $6 for children, seniors and active military. Group rates available. Members enter free. Half-price admission daily af ter 3 p.m. Operating hours: Monday-Saturday, 10 a.m.-5 p.m.; Sunday, noon-5

p.m. For information call 821-0200, 1-800-325-5445 or visit their Web site at www.NationalScienceCenter.org.

Morris Museum of Ar t. For more information, call 7247501 or visit www.themorris.org.

REDCLIFFE STATE HISTORIC SITE 1859 mansion of S.C. Governor James Henry Hammond, held by the family for three generations until 1975. Hours are 9 a.m.-6 p.m., Thursday-Monday on the grounds. House tours are noon-3 p.m. by appointment. Closed Tuesday and Wednesday.

Admission to the grounds is free. Fee for house tours is $3 for adults and children ages 6 to 17. For more information, call (803) 827-1473. Located at 181 Redcliffe Road, Beech Island, S.C., 29842.

CINCO DE MAYO FIRST FRIDAY AT THE MORRIS: The Morris Museum of Ar t will be open from 5-8 p.m. May 3.

Free admission includes Tony Macias’ mariachi music, bilingual poetry reading of Octavio Paz’s poetry, food, and a display of Mexican culture and history. For more info, call Sally at 724-7501.

SACRED HEART CULTURAL CENTER is offering tours of its 100-year-old building. Mon.-Fri., 9 a.m.-5 p.m. $1 per person, children free. 826-4700.

HISTORIC COTTON EXCHANGE WELCOME CENTER Open Mon.-Sat., 10 a.m.-6 p.m.; Sun. 1-5 p.m.

River walk. Free. 724-4067.

THE EZEKIEL HARRIS HOUSE — deemed “the finest 18th century house surviving in Georgia” by the “Smithsonian Guide to Historic America.” Hours are Saturday, 10 a.m.-1 p.m. Other times by appointment. General admission is $2; senior admission is $1 and children get in for 50 cents. For more information, call 724-0436.

Museums “OPTICAL ILLUSIONS ... YOU WON’T BELIEVE YOUR EYES” exhibit at For t Discovery through May 9. Discover the fascinating world of illusions through awesome illusionary effects, graphics and hands-on activities. For more information, call 821-0200.

MOTHER’S DAY AT THE MORRIS: Bring your mother for a light desser t and a special tour. All mothers receive a carnation. Refreshments available at 1:30 p.m.; tour begins at 2 p.m. For more information, call the museum at 724-7501.

HIGH NOON PROGRAM at the Hill Auditorium, High Museum of Ar t in Atlanta: “Ar t Brut: Self-Taught Ar t From Europe and America,” May 8; “Ar tists Who Promote SelfTaught Ar tists,” May 15; “New Trends in Decorative Ar ts Collecting,” May 22. Free admission includes guided tour af ter each program. For more information, call the museum at (404) 733-4444.

ARTRAGEOUS SUNDAY: COMBINING VOICES AWARDS PROGRAM featuring James Kilgo, 2 p.m. May 5 at the

“THE TIES THAT BIND” African-American Ar t and Heritage Tour Program is available to students in grades 3-12. Prior to touring the Morris Museum of Ar t, a museum docent visits students in their classroom and provides a slide orientation. The program is available year-round, Tuesday-Friday, and must be scheduled at least two weeks in advance. Call the Morris Museum of Ar t at 724-7501 or visit the museum Web site at www.themorris.org.

EVENTS AT THE AUGUSTA MUSEUM OF HISTORY: May Family History Series features a historical puppet show on May 18. Shows begin at 12:30 p.m. and 2 p.m. Free to museum members; non-members must pay regular museum admission. Please call 722-8454 for more information or visit www.augustamuseum.org.

MASTERWORKS OF SOUTHERN ART TOUR at the Morris Museum of Ar t. This guided tour of the museum’s collection is free and star ts at 2 p.m. May 26. For more information, call 724-7501 or see www.themorris.org on the Web. AUGUSTA MUSEUM OF HISTORY, 560 Reynolds St., Augusta. Permanent exhibitions include the award-winning “Augusta’s Story” — 12,000 years of local history from early Indians through Susan Still’s 1997 space shut tle missions. Other at tractions include the community’s medical history, a restored 1917 steam locomotive and a reconstructed 1930s gas station; documentaries shown continuously in the History Theatre. Young people will enjoy the Susan L. Still Children’s Discovery Gallery. Admission is $4 for adults, $3 for seniors and $2 for children; children under 6 are free. Free admission on Sundays. Open 10 a.m. to 5 p.m. Tuesday-Saturday, 1 p.m. to 5 p.m. Sunday; closed Mondays. 722-8454.

THE LUCY CRAFT LANEY MUSEUM OF BLACK HISTORY is located at 1116 Phillips St. The museum plays host to ar t exhibits, senior luncheons, youth leadership programs, ar t and history programs and more. Its hours of operation are 2 to 5 p.m. on Sundays, closed on Mondays, 9 a.m. to 5 p.m. on Tuesday through Friday, and 10 a.m. to 4 p.m. on Saturday. For more information, call 724-3576 or see

their Web site at www.lucycraf tlaneymuseum.com.

NATIONAL WILD TURKEY FEDERATION’S WILD TURKEY CENTER AND MUSEUM: 770 Augusta Highway, Edgefield.

State-of-the-ar t museum celebrates the comeback of the wild turkey and features the role hunters and conservationists played in the wildlife success story. New legacy sculpture and garden; Outdoor Education Center; managing land for wildlife demonstrations; wetland habitat site and pavilion. Self-guided tours Monday through Friday from 8:30 a.m. to 5 p.m.; guided group weekend tours by appointment. Donation appreciated. On the Web at www.nwt f.org; (803) 637-3106.

THE SIGNAL CORPS MUSEUM The museum is in Conrad Hall, Building 29807, nex t to the Signal Towers on For t Gordon. Its hours of operation are 8 a.m. to 4 p.m. on Tuesday through Friday and 10 a.m. to 4 p.m. on Saturday.

For more information, call 791-2818.

AIKEN COUNTY HISTORICAL MUSEUM Open 9:30 a.m.4:30 p.m. Tuesday-Friday and 2-5 p.m. Saturday and Sunday. (803) 642-2015.

GERTRUDE HERBERT INSTITUTE OF ART, located on the corner of Fifth and Telfair Street, is housed in historic Ware’s Folly. The Institute exhibits contemporary ar t in its gallery and presents ar t classes for children, youth and adults. The Walker-MacKenzie studio hosts classes and workshops.

Open from 10 a.m. to 5 p.m. on Tuesday, Wednesday and Friday, 10 a.m. to 7 p.m. on Thursday and by appointment only on Saturday. The Walker-Mackenzie Studio is open from 10 a.m. to 5 p.m. on Tuesdays through Fridays and 10 a.m. to 2 p.m. on Saturdays. Admission is free, but donations are accepted. For more information, call 722-5495.

Special Events MEAD HALL EPISCOPAL DAY SCHOOL STRAWBERRY FESTIVAL May 11, 9 a.m. to 3 p.m. on the school campus in downtown Aiken. Features Strawberry Ex travaganza, Strawberry Bakeoff, Doggie Fashion Show, live enter tainment, collectibles booth and more. For information, call Peggy Elliot t at (803) 648-9666.

2825 Washington Road • Fairway Square • 738-4267

Any Size 1/2 Ham $35.00 1-800-725-HAMS • www.heavenlyham.com

Expires 5/31/02

WOMEN OF EXCELLENCE 2002 REUNION is hosted by Girl Scouts Central Savannah River Council on May 16, 7 p.m. Held at the Augusta Country Club. Speaker is LPGA President Gail Graham. WAGT’s Mechelle Jordan will serve as master of ceremonies. For more information, call 774-0045.

WOMEN ON WHEELS RECRUITER DAY May 11 at Augusta Triumph on Wheeler Road. 11 a.m.-3 p.m. Features bake sale and raffle. Organization is open to women motorcycle enthusiasts of all ages. For more information, call 650-9995 or visit www.womenonwheels.org.

COTTON BALL MEMBERSHIP DRIVE FOR HISTORIC AUGUSTA will be held May 18 from 7-10 p.m. at Daniel Field Airpor t for a sunset cookout celebrating Daniel Field’s 75th anniversary. Individual level membership is $35; family level membership is $45. For more information, call Kim Overstreet at 724-0436.

SPRING FESTIVAL ON THE SQUARE May 3-4 in Abbeville, S.C. Features street dances, live enter tainment, 5K race, craf t vendors, rides, car show, flower show and more. “The Last Hour” will also be presented May 2-5 at the Abbeville Opera House. For info, call Ruth Freeman at (864) 4591433.

MOTHERS’ DAY CELEBRATION May 9, 7-10 p.m. at the City of Aiken Municipal Center. Cost is $5/person. (803) 6427361.

PRATER’S MILL COUNTRY FAIR May 11-12 at Prater’s Mill in Dalton, Ga. 9 a.m.-6 p.m. Saturday and 9 a.m.-5 p.m.

Sunday. Features ar ts and craf ts, canoeing, pony rides, nature trail, square dancing, live music and storytelling.

Admission is $5 with children 12 and under admit ted free.

For more info, call (706) 694-MILL or visit PratersMill.org.

LOBSTER RACES May 3 in downtown Aiken. Features beach music, food and, of course, racing lobsters. Tickets are $4 for adults, $2 for children ages 6-13, free for children under 6 years old. For information, call the Aiken Chamber of Commerce at (803) 641-1111.

BE A TOURIST IN YOUR OWN HOMETOWN is sponsored by the Augusta Metropolitan Convention and Visitors Bureau.

Events run May 5-11 and feature tours, discounts and free admission to some of Augusta’s museums and at tractions.

To par ticipate, obtain a complimentary “Be a Tourist” badge at the Cot ton Exchange Welcome Center or the Convention and Visitors Bureau. Call the Convention and Visitors Bureau at 823-6600.

PENDLETON KING PARK PLANT SWAP AND SALE May 4, 10 a.m.-1 p.m. Trade as many plants as you wish, or bring plants and garden-related items to sell. Sellers must provide own table, and the park opens at 9 a.m. for set up. Pendleton King Park is located at 1600 Troupe Street. For information, contact Kay Mills at 738-4321 or tkmills@knology.net.

RHODODENDRON FESTIVAL May 3-5 and 10-12 in Hiawassee, Ga. The rhododendron garden is located within the Georgia Mountain Fairgrounds and contains one of the largest collections of hybrid rhododendron in the state.

Features ar ts and craf ts show, food and Collin Raye and Lee Greenwood concer t on May 4. For information, call the Georgia Mountain Fair office at (706) 896-4191 or visit www.georgia-mountain-fair.com.

SCRAPBOOKING WORKSHOP at the H.O. Weeks Center.

Held May-July. Morning classes 9 a.m. to noon the second Thursday of the month; evening classes are 6-9 p.m. the second Tuesday of the month. $10 per class for Aiken City residents. Pre-registration is required. Call (803) 642-7631.

NEXT ACT ASSESSMENT will be administered nationwide on June 8. College-bound high school students must register by May 3; late registration plus additional late fee may be postmarked by May 17. Test fee is $24. Students may register online at www.act.org. Registration packets are also available through high school counselors.

GEORGIA RENAISSANCE FESTIVAL will be held weekends through June 2, from 10:30 a.m. to 6 p.m. Each weekend features a special event, ar tisans, rides, shows, concessions and retailers. Festival site is located off I-85, Peachtree City/Fairburn exit, close to Atlanta. Discount tickets available online at www.georgiarenaissancefestival.com or at select retailers; regularly priced tickets, available at the festival box office, are $15 for adults, $11 for seniors, $6 for children 612 and free for those under 6. For info, call the festival hotline at (770) 964-8575 or visit www.georgiarenaissancefestival.com on the Web. AIKEN HIGHLAND GAMES AND CELTIC FESTIVAL May 4 from 9 a.m. to 5 p.m. at Aiken Horse Park. Features Scot tish athletic competitions, piping and drumming exhibitions, dancing exhibitiions, enter tainment, genealogy and clan tents and children’s games. Sponsor and special guest reception May 3 at 7 p.m.; Kirkin’ O’ The Tar tan May 5, 10:30 a.m. at St. Thaddeus Episcopal Church. For sponsorship information, contact: David Beadles, (803) 642-4265; Jackie Farnell, (803) 642-0018; or David Nichols, (803) 649-7374. For general information, call David Nichols at (803) 649-7374 or Debbie Bailey at (803) 643-0103.

LINCOLN FEST 2002 events include: Memories of the Lewis

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Family Welcome Center Open House, 8:30-11:30 a.m. May 4; 15th Annual Lewis Family Bluegrass Festival May 2-4. For more information, contact the Lincolnton-Lincoln County Chamber of Commerce at 359-7970.

M E T R O

COLUMBIA COUNTY HUMANE SOCIETY holds pet adoptions every Saturday from 11 a.m. to 3 p.m. and every Sunday from 1 to 4 p.m. at PetsMar t. For more info, call 860-5020.

S P I R I T

RICHMOND COUNTY ANIMAL CONTROL AND AUGUSTA ANIMAL RESCUE FRIENDS holds pet adoptions at Superpetz off Bobby Jones Expressway every Sunday from 1 to 4 p.m.

Call AARF at 364-4747 or visit www.aar f.net. Adoptions are also held at the Richmond County Animal Control Shelter on Tuesday through Sunday from 1 to 5 p.m. For more information, call the shelter at 790-6836

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LOW-COST RABIES VACCINATIONS: Augusta-Richmond County Animal Control holds low-cost rabies vaccination clinics the four th Sunday of every month. The depar tment vaccinates privately owned pets for $8 per animal at 1 p.m. at Superpetz off Bobby Jones Expressway. Dogs must be on a leash and cats must be in a carrier. Puppies and kit tens must be three months of age and current for all other vaccinations.

Schedule subject to change, so please call 790-6836 for more information and to verify dates and times.

THE CSRA HUMANE SOCIETY holds pet adoptions every Saturday from 10 a.m. to 4 p.m. and every Wednesday evening from 5:30 to 7:30 p.m. at the Pet Center located behind the GreenJackets Stadium on Milledge Rd. Call 261PETS for more information.

Benefits ANNUAL CELEBRITY SOFTBALL GAME benefiting the CSRA Humane Society will be May 5, 2 p.m., at the Augusta GreenJackets Stadium. For more information, call the Humane Society at 261-PETS. CELEBRITY WAITER NIGHT to raise money for Children’s Place, Inc. May 13 in Aiken. For details, phone (803) 6414144.

PIANO CONCERT TO BENEFIT HABITAT FOR HUMANITY AND THE NORTH AUGUSTA ARTS COUNCIL held May 2 at 7:30 p.m. at First Baptist Church, Nor th Augusta.

Internationally renowned pianist Frederick Moyer will perform. Tickets are $10 for adults; $5 for children 12 and under. For ticket information, call (803) 442-7588.

MARGARITAVILLE TO BENEFIT MCG CHILDREN’S MEDICAL CENTER May 3 from 7-11 p.m. at the Boathouse, 101 River front Drive. Tickets are $30 per person; $50 for couples. Ticket price includes dinner by Outback Steakhouse, beverages, enter tainment and t-shir t. To purchase tickets, or for more information, call 721-4004.

AMERICAN RED CROSS BLOOD DRIVES will be held May 210 at the Aiken and Augusta Red Cross Blood Centers. For more infomation, call the Aiken Red Cross Blood Center at (803) 642-5180 or the Augusta Red Cross Blood Center at 868-8800.

SPAGHETTI DINNER TO BENEFIT HOMELESS ANIMALS of Richmond County, May 4, 4-8 p.m. at Julian Smith Casino.

Dine in or take out. Sponsored by Augusta Animal Rescue Friends. $5 for adults, $3 for kids. Call 364-4747 for tickets.

WALK FOR LIFE for the Augusta Care Pregnancy Center is scheduled for May 4 at Riverwalk’s Eighth Street Plaza, 8 a.m.-1 p.m. To par ticipate, call 724-3733.

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Vocal mariachi artist Tony Macias will be at the Morris Museum on First Friday, May 3, in celebration of Cinco de Mayo, which runs from 5:30-7:30 p.m. for $35, or all three for $90. For more information and to register, please call 737-1790.

RED CROSS LIFEGUARD CLASS at A.H. Stephens State Park, Crawfordville, May 10-18; and at Magnolia Springs State Park, Jenkins County, May 31-June 8. Par ticipants must be 17 years of age and pass a swimming pre-test. Cost is $100. For more information or to register, call 724-8483.

INTERMEDIATE-LEVEL MICROSOFT WORD CLASSES held at the Wallace Branch Library Thursdays, 5:30-7:30 p.m.

Runs May 2-30. To register, call the library at 722-6275.

INTRODUCTION TO COMPUTERS CLASS offered at Ma xwell Branch Library May 3, 10, 17, 24 and 31, 9:30-11 a.m.

Classes are one session. For information, call 793-2020.

AIKEN TECH CONTINUING EDUCATION is offering the following courses: Intro to Computers, Adobe PageMaker, Intro to Massage Therapy, Contractor Programs, Beginning Cake Decorating, Intro to Floral Design, Driver Education, Business Writing Skills, Time Management, Occupational Spanish and more. Classes begin in May. For more information or to register, contact the Aiken Technical College Continuing Education Division at (803) 593-9231, ex t. 1279.

THE NATIONAL MULTIPLE SCLEROSIS SOCIETY and the MS Society of Canada have joined to present the 2002 Nor th American Education Conference, “Reaching for New Frontiers in MS Research” on May 14. Broadcast live via satellite and offered locally at MCG at 7 p.m. The public is invited to at tend free of charge. Contact Sally Layton at 1800-822-3379 or visit www.nationalmssociety.org.

“KIDS IN COLLEGE” SUMMER DAY CAMPS offered by USC-Aiken feature computers, science, math, ar t, music and more. Fee is $135 for sessions I and II or $75 per session.

Optional lunch fee of $30. Call (803) 641-3563.

MARCH OF DIMES WALK AMERICA May 4, 8 a.m. at GreenJackets Stadium and Savannah Rapids. For more information, please call the East Central Division offices at 733-8438 or visit www.marchofdimesga.com.

MCG TICK REMOVAL STUDY compares two methods of removing ticks from humans. If you find a tick on you and would like to par ticipate, please call Dr. Mike Felz before the tick is removed at 721-2855, 8 a.m.-5 p.m., Monday.-Friday.

THE GOLDEN HARVEST FOOD BANK is seeking donations of nonperishable canned goods and grocery products. Anyone interested in conducting a food drive to assist the Golden Harvest Food Bank feed the needy may call 736-1199.

BLIND AND LOW VISION EXPO at the VA Medical Center May 2, 8:30 a.m. to noon. Held in the Education Center Auditorium. All blind and visually impaired persons are invited to at tend. Free to all par ticipants. For more information, please call the Visual Impairment Services office at 7330188, ex t. 7573 or toll free at 1-800-836-5561, ex t. 7573.

BUSINESS COURSES offered by the University of Georgia Business Outreach Services/Small Business Development Center. Includes: “Small Business Success School — Star ting Your own Business,” May 14, 6:30-8:30 p.m.; “Smar t Marketing,” May 16, 6:30-8:30 p.m.; and “Writing a Business Plan,” May 21, 6:30-8:30 p.m. At tend one class

W.G. WATSON, M.D., WOMEN’S CENTER CONDUCTS EDUCATION CLASSES at University Hospital. Course topics include Lamaze, breast feeding, parenting and grandparenting. Par tners will learn positive suppor t techniques to use during the shared bir th experience. There are also programs designed to help older siblings adjust to new family members. Some classes are free, while others require a fee.

Registration is required by calling 774-2825.

Kids

FREE SKIN CANCER SCREENINGS May 6-10, 8 a.m. to 9 a.m. in the Dermatology Practice Site of MCG, in the Ambulatory Care Center on Harper Street. For more information, call MCG at 721-CARE.

CPR/AED/FIRST AID INSTRUCTOR COURSE May 6-9, 69:30 p.m. at the Red Cross office on Ellis Street. Pre-requisite for the class is adult, infant and child CPR and first aid.

To register, call the Red Cross office at 724-8483.

A FREE WOMEN’S HEALTH CLINIC is held from 6-8 p.m. on the first and third Thursday of each month at the Salvation Army and Welfare Center, 1383 Greene St., Augusta.

Services include Pap smear, breast examination and the diagnosis and treatment of sexually transmit ted diseases.

This service is available through the Medical College of Georgia Student Chapter of the American Medical Women's Association and the MCG Depar tments of Family Medicine and Obstetrics and Gynecology. For more info or an appointment, call the St. Vincent dePaul Health Center at 828-3444.

Health

RELAY FOR LIFE for the American Cancer Society is May 10-11 at Greenbrier High School. For more information, contact the American Cancer Society at 731-9900.

Learning

Wednesday and Friday and 6:30-8:30 p.m. Monday through Thursday. $10 per class or $60 a month for unlimited classes. Mats are provided, but bring a towel and a water bot tle.

Call Tess at 738-2782 for more information.

“I CAN COPE” PROGRAM for cancer patients, their families and their loved ones. Registration underway for four-week program that runs May 3-23. Meets one night a week at 6:30 p.m. in the MCG Cancer Center waiting room.

Registration is not required, but it is preferred. For more information, contact the Cancer Center at 721-6744 or Kim Cheely at 721-1317.

FREE HIV/AIDS TESTING every Tuesday from 4 to 7 p.m. at St. Stephen’s Ministry, 922 Greene Street. Free anonymous testing, pre and post test counseling and education.

HATHA YOGA CLASSES at the St. Joseph Home Health Care Center in Daniel Village Plaza. Held 10 a.m. to noon Monday,

MOTHERS DAY CRAFT WORKSHOP at the Wallace Branch Library for kids age 4-10, May 11 from 2-3 p.m. Please register by calling the library at 722-6275.

WALTON SUMMER EVENTS FOR CHILDREN WITH DISABILITIES: Fun and Learn Day May 18, 9 a.m.-3 p.m. at Hickory Knobb State Park, S.C.; Camp TBI July 14-19 at Magnolia Springs State Park. For information, call 823-8691 or e-mail jthompson@wrh.org.

KENNY THOMAS BASEBALL CAMP is for those 6-15 years old and is held at USC-Aiken. Half or full-day sessions available, with lunch provided for full-day campers. June 3-7, 1721 or July 15-19. Discount for those who register early. Call (803) 642-7761, (803) 641-3410 or (803) 641-3486.

JAPANESE CRAFTS FOR KIDS May 11 from 10:30 a.m. to noon at the Ma xwell Branch Library. Call 793-2020.

AUGUSTA PREP SUMMER CAMPS run in five one-week sessions from June 10 through July 19. Camp is from 9 a.m. to 3 p.m., with ex tended hours available for an added fee. $175 per one-week session for ages 5-12; $90 per oneweek session for CITs, 13-14 years old. For more information, visit www.augustaprep.org or call 863-1906.

BOOKS-A-MILLLION EVENTS: Preschool storytime, Tuesdays at 10:30 a.m.; Kids Movies, Fridays at 7 p.m.; Harry Pot ter and Pokemon Trading Card League every Saturday. For more information, call 481-9090.

ART FOR TOTS WORKSHOP for toddlers age 2-4 and their parents. Learn how to encourage your child’s creativity and self-expression. 10-11:30 a.m. May 4 at the Ger trude

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tickets star t at $40. Contact the Stallions ticket office at 738-9539 for season and individual game tickets.

SOCCER SKILLS WORKSHOP for children ages 4-6.

Mondays, May 6-24 at the Weeks Center. Class is 5:30-6:15 p.m. for age 4; 6:15-7 p.m. for ages 5 and 6. Cost is $25.

Call (803) 642-7631 for more information.

AUGUSTA GREENJACKETS HOME GAMES May 7-13, 20-22 and 31; June 1-3, 13-16, 27-30; July 1-2, 5-8, 19-26 and 31; August 1-3, 14-21, 26-28 30-31; and September 1-2.

Ticket prices range from $6-$8, with special discounts for children and seniors. Sundays are Family Fest/Junior Jacket days, Tuesdays are “Two Fer” Tuesdays/Team Trivia and Thursdays are Thirsty Thursdays. For tickets, call 736-7889 or go to www.tixonline.com. Also check out www.greenjackets.net.

COLLAGE: CREATIVE ARTS CAMP is sponsored by the Friends of the Augusta Symphony and is for children entering kindergar ten through 5th grade. Camp is June 17-28, 9 a.m. to 1 p.m. at Trinity-on-the-Hill. Tuition is $100 per week. For more info, call Sue Alexanderson at 738-7527 or the Symphony office at 826-4705.

SATURDAY, MAY 4TH

ROBERT SAPP BASEBALL CAMP is now accepting registration for summer session, May 27-31. Camp is 9 a.m.-3 p.m at Patriots Park and is for boys 7-14. Fee is $110; team rates available. Call the Columbia County Recreation Depar tment at 863-7523 or e-mail rsbbcamp@aol.com.

THE G.O.A.L.L.S. PROGRAM AT WALTON REHABILITATION HOSPITAL is offering golf clinics for those with physical disabilities. Future clinics are planned for the second Tuesday of each month at the First Tee of Augusta. Golfers do not have to be affiliated with Walton to par ticipate. If you are interested in par ticipating, please contact Judie Thompson, G.O.A.L.L.S. Coordinator at 823-8691.

Off Belair Road past Cracker Barrel Restaurant

GIRLS INCORPORATED SPECTACULAR SUMMER PROGRAM now accepting registration for May 27-July 26 summer day camp. Camp runs 7:30 a.m. to 5:30 p.m. and is $350, plus an annual registration fee of $35. For information, contact Chiquida Brinson at 733-2512.

SIGNAL CORPS REGIMENTAL ASSOCIATION SPRING CHALLENGE 10K is May 18 at For t Gordon. Activities include a 10K run and a 10K team relay and a 1-mile kids’ run. For information call Sgt. First Class Dempsey at 7916553.

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Herber t Institute of Ar t. $12 per family (one adult, one child). Call 722-5495 to register.

8AM-3PM 425 Park West Drive

IRREGULARS, CLOSEOUTS AND SAMPLES Shorts Golf Shirts Sweatshirts Sweatpants Totes Tops Jackets Windshirts Sportsbags Aprons

$1.75 and up $5.00 and up $3.00 and up $3.00 and up $1.00 and up $1.75 and up $5.00 and up $5.00 and up $2.00 and up $1.00 and up

PRICES THAT YOU WILL HAVE TO SEE TO BELIEVE! On Site Custom Embroidery Food Sold by “Bojangles” • • • COME SEE THE SAVINGS • • •

Casual Gifts

Wedding Gifts

REGISTERED COUPLES ANSLEY BELL & PAUL THRELKELD CARRIE HASKINS & BEN MCELREATH ERICA YARMON & ALEX ARONSON JORDAN WILLIAMS & ADAM DEAS

ASU SUMMER CAMPS FOR AREA YOUTH: Kids University, Basketball Team Camp, Basketball Individual Camp, Choral/Vocal Camp, Cheerleading Camp, Orchestra/String Camp, Global Cultures Through the Ar ts Camp and Band Camp. Times, dates and cost vary from camp to camp. Call Steve Brady at 667-4821 or Kathy Schofe at 737-1878 for more information.

WEEKLY STORY SESSIONS are held at all branches of Richmond County and Columbia County libraries. Visit www.ecgrl.public.lib.ga.us for more information.

GIRL SCOUT SUMMER CAMP PROGRAMS are available for girls ages 5-17; girls need not be Girl Scouts to at tend.

Overnight camp at Camp Tanglewood in Columbia County runs in six sessions, beginning June 9 and ending July 26.

Day camps are also sponsored: Barnwell Day Camp, June 17-21; Aiken Day Camp, June 24-28; Camp Tanglewood Day Camp, July 8-12; Jenkins Day Camp, July 15-19; and McDuffie Day Camp, July 22-26. Call 774-0505 or 1-800997-2472 to sign up.

SUMMER ADVENTURES DAY CAMP REGISTRATION at the H.O. Weeks Center in Aiken. The camp is open to kids age 5-12, and activities include spor ts, ar ts and craf ts, games, field trips and special theme activities. Cost is $80 per child if living in Aiken City limits; $107.50 for all others. Camp begins June 10 and runs Monday through Friday, 8 a.m.-3 p.m. at H.O. Weeks. Call (803) 642-7631 for information.

SUMMER FOOD SERVICE PROGRAM is available to eligible children ages 1-18 from June 5 through July 26. There will be more than 70 locations throughout Richmond County providing children with the same high-quality meals in the summer that they receive from the school nutrition program during the school year. For additional information, contact Joe Brandenburg at 737-7174.

PAINE COLLEGE NATIONAL YOUTH SPORTS PROGRAM is a spor ts camp for 10-16 year olds from low-income families throughout the CSRA. Applications are now available for the June 3-July 9 camp and can be picked up at the Paine College Campus Safety Office on Druid Park Ave. There is no cost to par ticipate, and space is limited to 350 children.

For more information, contact the program director, Anthony Holland, at 821-8307.

SUMMER DAY CAMP REGISTRATION at all Augusta Parks and Recreation Community Centers. Summer Day Camp runs June 3 through July 26 and is scheduled from 10:30 a.m. to 5 p.m. For registration information, call 796-5025.

STORYTIME IN THE GARDENS is at Hopeland Gardens on Tuesdays at 4 p.m. through May. Local senior citizens will read to children ages eight and under, and all children will receive a free book to take home. Bring a blanket or chair to sit on and snacks. Children must be accompanied by an adult. There is no charge to at tend. (803) 642-7634.

FIRST SATURDAY STORYTELLING Each first Saturday of the month, children and adults are invited to the Lucy Craf t Laney Museum to hear one of our many talented storytellers weave stories and folk tales into exciting adventures. In addition, they get a tour of the museum. Call 706-724-3576 for more information.

Can Make It Special All Kinds of Fabulous Finds 3626 Walton Way 706.738.6125

Seniors THE SENIOR CITIZENS COUNCIL OF GREATER AUGUSTA AND THE CSRA offers a variety of activities during May, including: aerobics, quilting, tai chi, Spanish, painting, line dancing, bowling and crochet. For information regarding cost,

Kelsey Dimarco will be among the sizzling lineup of country acts at A Day in the Country, held at Augusta Riverfront Marina on May 5. See calendar listing for details. length of classes and other details, call 826-4480, ex t. 351.

SENIOR FUN DAY May 10 at the Smith-Hazel Center. 10 a.m. to 1 p.m. Features table games, horseshoes, poetry readings, information booths, food and more. $5/person fee includes lunch. (803) 642-7635.

SENIOR COMPUTER TRAINING ON PINES WEBCAT offered at the Appleby Branch Library. One-session class is offered May 7 or 9, 10:30-11:30 a.m. For more information, call the Appleby Branch Library at 736-6244.

SENIOR SPECTACULAR INFORMATION FAIR May 10 at the H.O. Weeks Center. In addition to exhibits and informative speakers, there will be door prizes, health screenings and bingo. Held from 10 a.m. to noon. Call (803) 642-7631 for more information.

LITERACY FOR SENIORS II CONTINUING EDUCATION COURSE at Augusta State University. Learn a variety of the more advanced features of the application programs previously introduced in Literacy I. Classes are Mondays, Wednesdays and Fridays from 10 a.m. to noon and run May 20-31. For information on how to register, call 737-1636 or visit www.ced.aug.edu.

SENIOR CITIZENS ARTS AND CRAFTS CLUB meets on Tuesdays and Thursdays at 10 a.m. at Smith-Hazel.

Activities include ar ts and craf ts workshops, trips and holiday par ties. Those in at tendance should bring refreshments to share. For more info, call (803) 642-7635.

ACADEMY FOR LIFELONG LEARNING provides a broad range of activities for mature adults. Meets the second Friday of each month, Room 107 of the USC-Aiken’s Penland Administration Building. Contact the Continuing Education Office at (803) 641-3288.

SENIORNET provides adults age 50 and over education for and access to computer technology. Many different courses are offered. Contact the USC-Aiken Continuing Education Office at (803) 641-3563.

Sports TIP OFF SOFTBALL TOURNAMENT May 4-5 at Diamond Lakes Regional Park. For more information, call 771-2980.

HORSEBACK RIDING LESSONS are every other Saturday, May 10-July 6 and July 20-September 14 at the Schofield Soccer Field in Aiken. Horses and supplies are provided, and cost is $20/person per session. For ages 4-adult. For more information, call (803) 642-7635.

U.S. ROWING ASSOCIATION MASTERS ROWING CHAMPIONSHIPS for age 35 and over. May 4 at Langley Pond in the Midland Valley area. Call (803) 642-7557 for information.

AUGUSTA STALLIONS HOME GAMES for the 2002 season are: May 10, 24; June 8, 21; and July 5, 20, 27. Season

Volunteer OLDER AMERICANS ACT SENIOR NUTRITION PROGRAM is looking for volunteers to serve hot, nutritious meals to needy older residents. To volunteer in suppor t of senior nutrition programs, contact the Senior Citizens Council at 826-4480, or visit your nearest par ticipating senior center. For those in need of home-delivered meals, please apply with the Area Agency on Aging at 210-2018 or toll free at 1-888-922-4464.

USDA SUMMER FEEDING PROGRAM FOR CHILDREN is looking for volunteers or sites in Aiken County interested in serving meals to children in need during the summer months. Program runs June 3-August 9, and deadline to volunteer a site is May 17. For information on the program, contact Steve Smith at the Aiken County Depar tment of Parks, Recreation and Tourism at (803) 594-0040.

FAMILIES NEEDED TO HOST FOREIGN EXCHANGE STUDENTS: World Heritage, a non-profit organization, is looking for families to host high-school foreign exchange students. To learn more about the program, contact Beth Folland at (803) 279-2696 or visit www.world-heritage.org on the Web. AUGUSTA-RICHMOND COUNTY ANIMAL CONTROL: Help Augusta-Richmond County Animal Control improve the lives of stray dogs and cats housed at our shelter by volunteering your time. New volunteer orientation is scheduled the first Saturday of every month at 11 a.m. at the shelter, 4164 Mack Lane. Schedule subject to change, so please call 7906836 for information and to verify dates and times.

THE CSRA HUMANE SOCIETY is looking for animal lovers who are willing to donate a lit tle of their time. Volunteers are needed every Saturday at the Pet Center located behind the GreenJackets Stadium on Milledge Road. Please call 261PETS for more information.

SHEPHERD COMMUNITY BLOOD CENTER is seeking donors to prevent a blood supply shor tage. To donate call 737-4551, 854-1880 or (803) 643-7996.

Meetings VEGETARIAN SOCIETY OF AUGUSTA meets monthly at the Unitarian Universalist Church of Augusta. The nex t meeting is May 6, 6:45-8:30 p.m. For more information, contact Michael or Beverly Sumner at 855-8746.

LEGISLATIVE DINNER MEETING sponsored by the Coalition for Mental Health Advocacy, May 7 at 6:30 p.m. Held at the Augusta Country Club. Mental health professionals and interested citizens are encouraged to at tend. Cost is $30. For reservations or information, call 721-6696.

THE AUGUSTA SKI AND OUTING CLUB is a non-profit organization for those who enjoy snow skiing, boating, camping, whitewater rafting, cycling and other outdoor recreation.

Meets 6:45 p.m. the first Tuesday of every month at the Cot ton Patch. Social planned May 21, 6:45 p.m. at Treybon.

Club interests should be directed to (803) 279-6186.

GUIDELINES: Public Service announcements are listed in this section without charge at the discretion of the editor.

Announcements must be received by Monday at noon and will be included as space permits. Send to Events, The Metropolitan Spirit, P.O. Box 3809, Augusta, GA, 30914 or Fax (706) 733-6663. Listings cannot be taken over the phone.

Check us out on the web at www.metspirit.com

breaking news as it happens,

Jazz Candlelight Concert Series

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In addition to bringing your picnic baskets, blankets and lawn chairs, we invite you to bring candles to add that touch or romanticism to the evening.

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For more optical illusions, attend a PowerStation Demonstration or get into the act at one of our Demo Cart presentations. And don’t forget to stop by The Science Store for cool games and souvenirs. $8 Adult $6 Children / Seniors / Active Military Members Free

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Call: 706.821.0200 or 800.325.5445 NationalScienceCenter.org Hours: Mon.-Sat. 10a-5p / Sun. noon - 5p

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Music

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Shark Devilles Leave Crowds Begging for More

BY RHONDA JONES

D

owntown at 2 a.m. on what was quickly becoming Sunday morning, Shark Devilles frontman Andrew Benjamin strolled out of the shadows with a Cheshire Cat grin.

“We die of exhaustion,” he said.

Maybe he says things like that randomly from time to time. Who knows?

But this particular declaration was a response to an after-show confession made by guitarist Von Holmes: “We play that short on purpose.”

Their shows are high-energy spurts of quick sound.

When Andrew takes the stage he becomes musically maniacal, dipping his old-style microphone and throwing his body into fits and contortions.

Engaging in spasms of unearthly crooning, he makes climactic utterances, and becomes a whirlwind of spooky libido.

“Don’t go down to the woods tonight,” he growls, then promptly takes the audience there, “to see what we can find.” By the stage, two girls twirl each other in a sort of mockup of the jitterbug as the rest of the crowd sways, gyrates or twitches. That is just what they want. “We want everyone in the entire establishment in front of the stage the entire time, shaking and wiggling in an uncontrollable frenzy,” Andrew said.

Nearby, bassist Jason Fulmer keeps still, playing with his legs wide in standard ‘70s guitar-hero pose, his expression set in stone, intense, as drummer Anthony Farrow fills the joint with a driving rhythm.

But, Von sits, uncharacteristically, on a stool on the stage, with one leg straightened. It is wrapped in a splint — a battle wound from the night before, a red badge of courage that is a testament to the sweat-drenching intensity of their shows.

“Being up there ... playing is a lot of hard work,” he says. “It’s a lot of fun.”

And apparently, it’s dangerous.

“A lot of really crazy things happened last night,” Andrew said. Those things resulted in a broken mic stand as well as a broken guitarist. And their drummer quit.

As for Andrew’s mic stand, the guys said, an enthusiastic audience member decided they wanted a piece of the band, and tried to take one.

As for the guitarist, Von’s not quite sure whether he tore the ligaments or whether he just stretched them out like Silly String, but he knows it hurt like hell when he did it.

“That’s why I pitched a fit and threw my guitar,” he said. He realized he was hurt when he found himself on his back in front of the stage. But, being the showman that he is, he had never stopped playing, even through the blinding pain of ripping his leg apart from the inside.

And his bandmates were never the wiser. Until the guitar went flying, that is.

“He usually winds up on the floor anyway,” Andrew said. “It was good. He plays better when he’s damaged.”

This is probably a good time to mention Von’s distaste for the “tortured artist” syndrome that

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some bands fall prey to, and which the Shark Devilles seem to be at war against.

“It really annoys me when people take themselves seriously,” Von said. Because, in spite of a sort of groovy darkness, and ear-catching lyrics, the meaning of which he refuses to discuss (“It don’t mean nothing but rock ‘n’ roll — straight out, balls-to-the-wall rock ‘n’ roll.”), these guys are in it to have fun.

“No matter how bad we play, people still have a good time,” Von said.

“Hell,” Andrew added, stroking the sprig of a goatee he’s had for years, “no matter how bad we play, nobody can tell.”

Don’t let them fool you. These guys put on quite a show, and manage to do it with a rare sort of raucous elegance, right up to the last drop.

“Thank you very much, ladies and gentlemen,” Andrew says at the end of it all. “We are the Shark Devilles. Good night.”

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1/11/01

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I

t’s hard to be a saint in the city. It’s Music Midtown weekend in Atlanta and once again music fans are hitting raging slabs everywhere for the largest three-day festival in the U.S. The only major problem is trying to decide which of the 120 acts to see and hear.

There’s something for everyone with Bush, Incubus, Puddle of Mudd, Stone Temple Pilots, Counting Crows, Bo Diddley, Jethro Tull, Edwin McCain and Garbage among those scheduled. There’s also an artist’s market with vendors offering everything from therapeutic massages to tarot card readings.

By the way, your Mom was right-wear some very comfortable shoes.

Something to Grohl About Dept.

Foo Fighters leader Dave Grohl is teaming up with rockers Queens of the Stone Age for a U.S. tour. Mark Lanegan, formerly of Screaming Trees, has signed on along with principal members Nick Olivieri and Josh Homme for the 13-city trek mainly to smaller venues. The tour kicks off May 27 at Atlanta’s Cotton Club. The band’s next album “Songs for the Deaf” is set for release in July.

The ’80s continues to live as Deep Purple, Dio, and the Scorpions plan a large U.S. summer tour. The trio of performers are set to play Atlanta’s Hi-Fi Buys Amphitheater June 19. This year marks the 13th anniver-

Turner’s Rock and Roll Jeopardy: A. Members of this band, still together today, wrote top 10 hits for Dionne Warwick, Dolly Parton, Celine Dion and Samantha Sang.

Q. Who are the Bee Gees?

Music Music By By Turner Turner

BY ED TURNER

sary for the Scorpions, the German rockers that scored big with hits that included “Wind of Change” and “Rock You Like a Hurricane.” Former Augustan Steve Morse remains lead guitarist for Deep Purple, having taken over Richie Blackmore’s spot way back in the ‘90s.

If you’ve ever wanted to own a piece of major rock ‘n’ roll history, check out Lelands.com for all the scoop on their May 16-17 Rock and Pop Culture auction.

Interested? Have your checkbook (and the deed to your home) ready.

New and reissued albums in the stores this week include Trey Anastasio (Phish), Marc Anthony “Mended,” Graham Nash “Songs for Survivors,” Weezer “Maladroit,” Paul Weller (ex-Jam) “Days of Speed,” 10cc “Live in Japan,” Count Basie “Basie Meets Bond,” Earth, Wind, and Fire “Alive in ‘75,” Mickey Hart (ex-Grateful Dead) “Over the Edge and Back,” and Frank Zappa and the Mothers “Threesome I and II.” It’s Mad Music Asylum weekend this Sunday, May 5 on 102.3 FM The Eagle. Join yours truly for some of those great classic rockers that you might not have heard in a while. We’ll have our usual contests including some of the best (and most difficult) mystery tunes we’ve ever aired. It’ll be the most fun since Leroy’s embarrassing and unfortunate bout with “gastric disturbances” on Trooper Terry. The foolishness starts at 7 p.m. Bring a covered dish.

41

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42 M E T R O S P I R I T M A Y 2 2 0 0 2

Comedy James Gregory Comes to the Imperial

J

ames Gregory wants to hurt your lungs.

Fortunately, he’s a comedian who plans to do that by making you laugh really, really hard. “My act is a funny, funny act,” he says. “And it’s a funny act from beginning to end, and it’s done without embarrassing anybody.”

He says you can even bring your mother.

Gregory was one of those midlife career-switches, who “stumbled” into the business 20 years ago at the ripe old age of 36. He enjoyed going out to see comedy acts with his friends, who thought he was a funny guy. So the inevitable happened. They asked him why he didn’t go up there and see what he could do. Eventually amateur night rolled around.

“One thing led to another and here I am,” he said.

And he’s a home boy, born and bred right here in the South — in Lithonia, Ga., as a matter of fact, which is 25 miles east of Atlanta. He now lives in Woodstock, Ga., which is 25 miles north of Atlanta.

Asked if people often try to push his “on” button and expect him to be funny on the spot, he said that doesn’t tend to happen. Instead, he said, they will try to entertain him. Or at the very least, give him ideas.

As for what he considers funny, he’s not much for oneliners. He prefers to launch into routines.

Gregory likes to talk about the way we do things down here — like how Southern people cook food for every tragedy that comes along. Somebody dies, there’s food, he says. “And then we wind up gossiping more about the food than we talk about the guy who died.”

It’s funny, he says, because people know what he’s talking about.

BY RHONDA JONES

“Most everything I do, most everybody can relate to,” he adds.

Fortunately for him and his colleagues, comedy seems to be everywhere. It just takes recognizing it when it happens.

Asked how he gets new material, he says, “Oh, just keeping my eyes open. I see something or read something or hear something.” For instance, he says, “I’ve got a whole routine about how people react after they win the lottery.”

But he has to be ready for inspiration when it comes. “I can’t take just a blank sheet of paper and say, ‘Well I’m going to be funny today,’” he says.

Gregory is now 56, and enjoying his 20th consecutive year of touring the country with his comedy routines. “I find myself as the years go by adding to them,” he says. He has to keep the old stories alive, he says, because fans have gotten attached to them. “People expect to hear their favorite routine,” he says.

He uses his friend George Jones’ successful career in country music as an example. “Everybody loves George,” he says. “And naturally, he’s going to sing the new material.

But if he refuses to do the classics, people are going to almost want their money back.”

So, he tries to give people what they want to hear. But having been at this so long, naturally he misses stuff every now and again. “People come up to me after the show and tell me what routine I didn’t do,” he says.

The Spirit asked him about his own favorite. “You know what?” he said. “As long as they’re laughing, every routine’s my favorite.”

James Gregory will be appearing live at the Imperial

Theatre on May 11, ready to fire those funny stories at you.

The show will start at 8 p.m. Tickets can be purchased through TixOnline.com, or visit Harmon Optical at Southgate Plaza. For information call the Imperial at 722-8293.

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43 M E T R O S P I R I T

Thursday, 2nd

Bhoomer’s Bar - Karaoke Contest Coconuts - DJ Coliseum - DJ Mania with DJ Hawk Continuum - Playa*Listic Thursday Cotton Patch - Patio Par ty with DJ Midlife Crisis Coyote’s - Ladies’ Night, Rhes Reeves, Shelley Watkins and the Coyote Ugly Band Crossroads - Headstrong, Jemani, The Shark Devilles D. Timm’s - Joe Patchen and the Blue Diamond Express Fox’s Lair - Karaoke Fraternal Order of Eagles - Bingo Greene Street’s - Men’s National Karaoke Contest Highlander - ‘Smath sinn Dragon Honk y Tonk - The Duke Boys Joe’s Underground - Keith “Fossill” Gregory Last Call - DJ Richie Rich Logan’s Roadhouse - Karaoke Luck y Ladies Bar and Grill - Pool League Marlboro Station - Talent Night Metro Coffeehouse - Jammin’ Jay Harmon, The Livingroom Legends Michael’s - Marilyn Adcock Modjeska - House Music Mulligan’s Nitelife - DJ Playground - Open Mic Night Red Lion - Black-Eyed Susan Richard’s Place - DJ, Pool League Robbie’s Sports Bar - Pool and Dar t Leagues Safari Lounge Aiken - Ladies’ Night, Karaoke Shannon’s - Bar t Bell Sidestreets/Barracks - Karaoke Silver Bullet Lounge - The Big Dogs Sports Pub and Grill - Spor ts Trivia The Spot - Open Booth Night Squeak y’s Tip-Top - Live Music TGI Friday’s - John & Andy

Time Piecez - Weekend Fishbowl Par ty Wheeler Tavern - DJ

Friday, 3rd

American Legion Post No. 63 - The Escor ts Back yard Tavern - Karaoke Big Iron Saloon - DJ Frank Borders - Terri Gibbs Cafe Du Teau - Buzz Clif ford Charlie O’s - Live Music Coconuts - Miss Hawaiian Tropic with DJ Doug Coliseum - Lena Lust Continnum - Jemani, Zen Kill Cotton Patch - Patio Par ty with Starlight Enter tainment Country Ranch - Live Music Coyote’s - Rhes Reeves, Shelley Watkins and the Coyote Ugly Band Crossroads - 420 Outback, Rev-7 D. Timm’s - Joe Patchen and the Blue Diamond Express Finish Line Cafe - DJ Mykie G Fishbowl Lounge - Karaoke Gordon Club - A Salute to Musical Legends Greene Street’s - Karaoke with DJ Penny Hangnail Gallery - Multi-Ar tist Show Highlander - Live Music Honk y Tonk - The Duke Boys Jerri’s Place - Special Blend Joe’s Underground - Patrick Blanchard Kokopelli’s - Optimist-Prime Last Call - DJ Richie Rich Luck y Ladies Bar and Grill - The Niche, Blind Draws Marlboro Station - Show Night with Special Guest Michael’s - Marilyn Adcock Modjeska - Ocean with DJ Ricky Mulligan’s Nitelife - DJ Partridge Inn - The C. Anthony Carpenter Project

Eddie Smith doesn’t mind the Vince Neil comparisons. Motley Crue was a big influence, he says. Smith says the music scene “SUCKS” right now, in big, fat, capital letters, and so he and his mates plan to do something about it – they want to rock you hard. “There is nothing like performing in front of a bunch of hyped-up, foaming-at-the-mouth, head-banging rock ‘n’ rollers!” Smith said. And they’ve got the chops to do it too.

They’ve been in national rock mags “Metal Edge” and “Spin” – and they’ve been Mad Margritt since 1990. If you want to check them out they’ll be at the Red Lion on Friday, May 3, at 11 p.m. You can ask them if their amps go all the way up to 11.

Patti’s - Free Pool Pizza Joint - Westabou Playground - SPYT, Vapor Red Lion - Mad Margrit t Richard’s Place - Midnight Magic Robbie’s Sports Bar - DJ Mykie G Safari Lounge Aiken - Shag Night with DJ Shannon’s - Steve Chapell Shuck’s - Opticon Sidestreets/Barracks - Ladies’ Night, Cabaret Silver Bullet Lounge - The Big Dogs Soul Bar - Soul*Bar*Sound*Lab The Spot - Live DJ Veracruz - Live Music Wheeler Tavern - DJ

Saturday, 4th

Back yard Tavern - Karaoke Big Iron Saloon - DJ Frank Cafe Du Teau - Buzz Clif ford Capri Cinema - Metal Ex travaganza featuring Mastodon, Under Oath and End of All Charlie O’s - Live Music, Military Night Coconuts - DJ Doug Coliseum - Cinco de Mayo Par ty Continuum - Hip-Hop Express II Cotton Patch - John and Andy Country Ranch - Karaoke Coyote’s - Rhes Reeves, Shelley Watkins and the Coyote Ugly Band Crossroads - El Diablo Ninos, Spider D. Timm’s - Joe Patchen and the Blue Diamond Express Finish Line Cafe - DJ Mykie G Fishbowl Lounge - Karaoke Fraternal Order of Eagles - Crossroads Band Gordon Club - Salsa Night Greene Street’s - Karaoke with DJ Penny Hangnail Gallery - Augusta Hardcore and Metal Festival Honk y Tonk - The Duke Boys Joe's Underground - Black-Eyed Susan Kokopelli’s - Vagabond Missionaries Last Call - DJ Richie Rich Luck y Ladies Bar and Grill - The Niche Marlboro Station - Show Night with Special Guest Michael’s - Marilyn Adcock Modjeska - Miami Night with DJ Tony 2 Fingers Mulligan’s Nitelife - DJ Rae’s Coastal Cafe - Live Music Richard’s Place - DJ Riverwalk - Saturday Night Live Robbie’s Sports Bar - DJ Mykie G Safari Lounge Aiken - Karaoke Shannon’s - Bar t Bell Shuck’s - Opticon Silver Bullet Lounge - The Big Dogs Soul Bar - Saturday Night Special The Spot - Live DJ Squeak y’s Tip-Top - Live Music Time Piecez - ‘80s Ladies’ Night Veracruz - Live Music Wheeler Tavern - DJ

Sunday, 5th

Cafe Du Teau - Buzz Clif ford and The Last Bohemian Quar tet Country Ranch - Jam Sessions Fraternal Order of Eagles - Bingo Logan’s Roadhouse - Trivia Marlboro Station - Starlight Cabaret

Mulligan’s Nitelife - DJ Riverwalk - The C. Anthony Carpenter Project Robbie’s Sports Bar - DJ Mykie G Shannon’s - Shelley Watkins TGI Friday’s - Jason & Tony

Monday, 6th

Coliseum - Q.A.F. Continuum - Monday Madness, F and B Par ty Crossroads - Monday Night Dance Par ty Elks Lodge - Line Dancing Finish Line Cafe - Open Pool Tournament Fishbowl Lounge - Open Dar t Tournament Fraternal Order of Eagles - Bingo Highlander - Dar t League Honk y Tonk - Blues Monday featuring Robbie Ducey Band and Special Guest Joe’s Underground - Adam Hat field Kokopelli’s - Dar t Teams Luck y Ladies Bar and Grill - Dar ts Michael’s - Karaoke Mulligan’s Nitelife - DJ Playground - Trivia Night with Skin Tight Red Lion - Open Mic Night Richard’s Place - Dar ts Robbie’s Sports Bar - DJ Mykie G Safari Lounge Aiken - Shag Lessons

Tuesday, 7th

Bhoomer’s Bar - The Elvis Show Club Incognito - DJ Richie Rich Coliseum - Tournament Tuesday Coyote’s - Karaoke Crossroads - Tuesday Night Music Club: Rock ‘n’ Roll Jeopardy D. Timm’s - Joe Patchen and the Blue Diamond Express Docker’s - Pool Tournament Elks Lodge - Line Dancing Fraternal Order of Eagles - Bingo Greene Street’s - National Karaoke Contest Highlander - Open Mic Acoustic Jam Session Joe’s Underground - Adam Hat field Luck y Ladies Bar and Grill - Karaoke, Ladies’ Night Metro Coffeehouse - Irish Music Michael’s - Marilyn Adcock Mulligan’s Nitelife - DJ Patti’s - Pool Tournament Red Lion - Dancing Under the Influence Robbie’s Sports Bar - Ladies’ Night Somewhere in Augusta - Trivia Sports Pub and Grill - Trivia

Wednesday, 8th

Bhoomer’s Bar - Shag Night Big Iron Saloon - Ladies’ Night Coconuts - DJ Coliseum - Talent Search Cotton Patch - Trivia with Mat t Stovall Coyote’s - Rhes Reeves, Shelley Watkins and the Coyote Ugly Band Crossroads - Mo’ Chickin Blues Band Docker’s - Free Pool D. Timm’s - Joe Patchen and the Blue Diamond Express Euchee Creek Sports Bar - Ladies’ Night Fishbowl Lounge - Open Dar t Tournament Greene Street’s - National Karaoke Contest

continued on page 44

M A Y 2 2 0 0 2

44 continued from page 43 M E T R O S P I R I T M A Y 2 2 0 0 2

Honk y Tonk - The Duke Boys Joe’s Underground - John Kolbeck Kokopelli’s - Ladies’ Night Logan’s Roadhouse - Trivia Luck y Ladies Bar and Grill - Pool League Michael’s - Marilyn Adcock Modjeska - The Chill Out Lounge Mulligan’s Nitelife - DJ Playground - Jenga Competition Richard’s Place - Pool League Robbie’s Sports Bar - DJ Mykie G, Free Pool Shannon’s - Steve Chapell Silver Bullet Lounge - The Big Dogs Soul Bar - Live Jazz The Spot - Live DJ TGI Friday’s - Trivia Wheeler Tavern - DJ

Upcoming

Wycliffe Gordon - Imperial Theatre - May 10 Garden City Music Festival - Eighth Street Plaza - May 11 James Gregory - Imperial Theatre - May 11 Cookie Jar Jam Blues Festival - Location to be Announced - June 22

Elsewhere

Dark Star Orchestra - Variety Playhouse, Atlanta - May 2 Music Midtown Festival - Midtown Atlanta May 3-5 Cornershop - Variety Playhouse, Atlanta - May 4 Patty Griffin - Variety Playhouse, Atlanta - May 8 Belle & Sebastian - The Tabernacle, Atlanta May 13 Diana Krall - Fox Theatre, Atlanta - May 15 City Stages - Linn Park, Birmingham, Ala. - May 17

Green Day, Blink 182 and Jimmy Eat World Hi-Fi Buys Amphitheater, Atlanta - May 18 Dave Brubeck - Rialto Center, Atlanta - May 18 Hootie and the Blowfish - Chastain Park, Atlanta - May 18 Pink - The Tabernacle, Atlanta - May 22 India.Arie - Centennial Olympic Park, Atlanta May 24 Alanis Morissette - Hi-Fi Buys Amphitheater, Atlanta - May 25 Meshell Ndegeocello - Variety Playhouse, Atlanta - May 29 The Cranberries - Chastain Park, Atlanta - May 30 Dan Fogelberg and His Band - Chastain Park, Atlanta - June 1 Chicago - Chastain Park, Atlanta - June 6 Harry Connick Jr. - Chastain Park, Atlanta June 7 Rick James, KC & The Sunshine Band Chastain Park, Atlanta - June 9 Melissa Etheridge - Chastain Park, Atlanta June 10 Jewel - Chastain Park, Atlanta - June 17 The B-52s, Inxs - Chastain Park, Atlanta - June 23 Elvis Costello - Chastain Park, Atlanta - June 24 Incubus, Hoobastank - Enter tainment and Spor ts Arena, Raleigh, N.C. - June 24; Cricket Arena, Charlot te, N.C. - June 25 Many tickets are available through TicketMaster outlets, by calling 828-7700, or online at w w w.ticketmaster.com. Tickets may also be available through Tix Online by calling 278-4TIX or online at w w w.tixonline.com. Night Life listings are subject to change without notice.

Deadline for inclusion in Night Life calendar is Tuesday at 4 p.m. Contact Rhonda Jones by calling 738-1142, fa xing 736-0443 or e-mailing to rhonda_jones@metspirit.com.

Canadian rockers Headstrong will be at Crossroads Thursday night, May 2. They promise an iron fist in a velvet glove, dewy-lashed romance and wild-eyed animalism, flowers and steel, pretty melodies and aggressive rhythm.

The Rhythm & Blues Exchange

Thursday

Sunday

Jim Fisher $1.75 Domestics & Well

Friday

Happy Hour First Friday with Loose Theory $2.25 Skyy Martinis $2.00 Domestic Beer

Saturday

Augusta Ballet Appreciation Night featuring Sam Bush live on stage With $35 donation to Augusta Ballet

F & B Night Keith Gregory 25¢ Wings • 75¢ Draft $2.00 Well

Wednesday

25¢ Draft • 25¢ Wings Featuring Pat Blanchard

Thursday Jim Fisher

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Club Directory Aiken Brewing Co. - (803) 502-0707 American Legion Post 63 - 733-9387 The Backyard Tavern - 869-8695 Big Iron Saloon - 774-9020 Bhoomer’s Bar - 364-3854 Borders - 737-6962 Cafe Du Teau - 733-3505 Capri Cinema - Eighth and Ellis Street Charlie O’s - 737-0905 Club Incognito - 836-2469 Coconuts - 738-8133 Coliseum - 733-2603 Continuum - 722-2582 Cot ton Patch - 724-4511 Country Ranch - (803) 867-2388 Coyote’s - 560-9245 Crossroads - 724-1177 Docker’s - (803) 302-1102 D. Timm’s - 774-9500 Elks Lodge - 855-7162 Euchee Creek Spor ts Bar - 556-9010 Finish Line Cafe - 855-5999 Fishbowl Lounge - 790-6810 Fox’s Lair - 774-1004 Fraternal Order of Eagles - 790-8040 French Market Grille West - 855-5111 Greene Street’s Lounge - 823-2002 Hangnail Gallery - 722-9899 Highlander - 278-2796 Honky Tonk - 560-0551 Jerri’s Place - 722-0088 Joe’s Underground - 724-9457 Kokopelli’s - 738-1881 Last Call - 738-8730 Logan’s Roadhouse - 738-8088

Lucky Ladies Bar and Grill - 651-0110 Marlboro Station - (803) 644-6485 Metro Coffeehouse - 722-6468 Michael's- 733-2860 Modjeska - 303-9700 Mulligan’s Nitelife - 738-1079 Nacho Mama’s - 724-0501 Par tridge Inn - 737-8888 Pat ti’s - 793-9303 The Playground - 724-5399 Pizza Joint - 774-0037 Rae’s Coastal Cafe - 738-1313 Red Lion Pub - 736-7707 Rhythm and Blues Exchange - 774-9292 Richard’s Place - 793-6330 Robbie’s Spor ts Bar - 738-0866 Ron’s Tavern - (803) 613-0255 Safari Lounge Aiken - (803) 641-1100 Shannon's - 860-0698 Shuck's - 724-7589 Sidestreets - 481-8829 Silver Bullet Lounge - 737-6134 Somewhere In Augusta - 739-0002 The Soul Bar - 724-8880 The Spot - (803) 819-0095 Spor ts Pub and Grill - 432-0448 Squeaky’s Tip-Top - 738-8886 Surrey Tavern - 736-1221 TGI Friday’s - 736-8888 Time Piecez - 828-5888 Treybon - 724-0632 Tropical Paradise - 312-8702 Veracruz - 736-4200 Wheeler Tavern - 868-5220 Whiskey Junction - (803) 649-0794

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News of the

Weird I

n recent months, two different Hindu cults in India have begun to embrace ancient sacrifice rituals, one using horses and the other using the “Nara bali” practice of human sacrifice. In the village of Juna Padia, Assam, 150 priests participate in ceremonies to slaughter 10 horses and collect their deified blood for, they say, peace and prosperity. And in the state of Orissa, because of a paucity of human volunteers to sacrifice, the Kamakhya Temple cult uses human-size effigies made of flour, which its leaders insist are just as powerful in impressing divine forces.

• South Korea’s baby-boomer parents, in increasing numbers, are sending their preschool youngsters for outpatient mouth surgery to snip the tissue under the tongue because they believe more tongue freedom will permit the children to pronounce the difficult “l” and “r” sounds that have long stigmatized many Asians when speaking English. “Learning English is almost the national religion” in South Korea, according to one educator quoted in a March Los Angeles Times report, but many authorities in South Korea say Asians’ pronunciation trouble is purely cultural and that very few people are born with tight-enough tongues to be helped by these “frenectomies.”

The In-Turmoil Revenue Service • IRS admitted to a Washington Post reporter in April that it had paid out $30 million in fraudulent refunds in the last two years to black taxpayers claiming (at about $40,000 each) the nonexistent slavery reparations credit (and 12 of those were IRS employees). (However, IRS did catch $2.4 billion of slavery claims before refunds went out.) And the agency filed formal charges against at least two accountants who have been advising clients to use Section 861 of the tax code to claim (preposterously, according to every court that has heard the claim) that income tax only applies to Americans who work for foreign companies. (That scam reached prominence in March when the agency revealed that actor Wesley Snipes had asked IRS to refund the $7.3 million he paid in 1997 taxes, citing Section 861.)

The Entrepreneurial Spirit • Spanish inventor Andres Diaz made the first U.S. sale of his $20,000, side-loading, automatic cat-washing machine late last year to a Miami company, PetClean USA. The three-cycle, 37-nozzle machine processes the cat in 30 minutes, and Diaz swears the cat doesn’t mind it. (And in March, Antrim, Northern Ireland, inventor Trevor Graham was awarded about $8,500 from the Winston Churchill Foundation to study mobile dog-washing equipment in the U.S.) • Other recent inventions: Vladimir Markov’s “anti-rape” jeans, with a locked, coded steel top button designed to discour-

age attackers who haven’t time to figure out how to open it (Croatia). And college-student inventors’ pulsating vest composed of eight cellular phones’ vibrating units sewn in to touch acupuncture-friendly parts of the abdomen (Nanyang Technological University, Singapore).

• New management incentive structures: Tyson Foods’ CEO John Tyson was awarded a $2.1 million bonus for last year, despite a dismal economic performance and a federal indictment for smuggling in illegal aliens to work at 15 plants in nine states; headquarters officials said the alien problem must have been 15 individual managers out of control. And federal government bonuses to its managers increased by 25 percent for the last fiscal year to an average of $11,000, despite, to put it gently, widely varied agency performances in meeting goals.

Weird Science • “Quorn,” an edible, nutritious fungus that its manufacturer says looks and tastes “like chicken,” made its U.S. debut in January from the Anglo-Swedish pharmaceutical house AstraZeneca. Quorn (also known as mycoprotein) is sold as chickenlike nuggets or in lasagna or as a ground beef-like substance and is high in protein and fiber and low in calories. Said a sports nutritionist quoted by the Associated Press: “I think it’s got a lot of potential. We just have to make sure ‘fungus’ is not going to appear on the label.”

• A Manitoba, Canada, farmer filed a lawsuit in January against four doctors and the Brandon Regional Health Authority after he contracted the flesh-eating-bacteria disease while undergoing colon surgery. The man had to have his buttocks amputated.

People With Issues • At press time, the Pennsylvania Judicial Conduct Board was still considering what to do about Pittsburgh Common Pleas judge H. Patrick McFalls Jr., based on recent alleged incidents: creating a disturbance at an airport ticket counter (while visiting Charlotte, N.C., late December); “giving” his $60,000 car to a young man and not remembering it so that he later called in a stolen car report (Feb. 5); being arrested for creating a disturbance with a cab driver about the fare (while visiting Miami Beach, Feb. 11); removing his pants at a restaurant (Feb. 14); being arrested at a theater for becoming boisterous during a movie (March 30); allowing his pants to fall down several times while having an animated conversation on the street (March 30).

Least Justifiable Homicides • Recent reasons given: victim (his own mother) wouldn’t pay the $1,850 fee he promised his date from an escort service (Dean Glick, 41, convicted in Scottsdale, Ariz., March); victim fought him over a can of Natural Light beer (Armando Galvez, 36, arrested in Fort Myers, Fla., March); schoolteacher-victim called him a “queer” (Ronnie Worley, 22, convicted in rural Winfield, W.Va., in March); roommate-victim disagreed with him over whether to turn the lights off (Joseph Rich, 56, arrested in Broward County, Fla., January); victims (his own wife and son) had to be killed in order to keep them from learning he was about to be arrested for rape (Kenneth Hairston, 50, arrested in Pittsburgh, December).

— Chuck Shepherd © United Press Syndicate

Brezsny's

lodged it from where it had safely come to nest.

Everything I just described is a metaphor for your life in the coming week, Virgo. I predict you will have a run-in with soulful beauty, thereby unleashing a whimsical act of grace.

Free Will Astrology ARIES (March 21-April 19)

Half of what you know today will be obsolete in five years. This is a perfect time, astrologically speaking, to figure out which half that might be: all the supposedly tried-and-true information that has already begun to decay. Next step: Plan your future learning adventures. What training can you get that will ensure you’re not out-of-date and behind the times by May 2007? What educational quests will fill you and thrill you between now and then?

TAURUS (April 20-May 20)

What’s your official relationship with snakes, Taurus?

Maybe you’re more aligned with the fear-andloathing camp, believing there’s a good reason the creatures have often been symbols of dangerous or misused power. Or perhaps you’ve been a serpent sympathizer ever since you read Joseph Campbell and discovered that snakes, because they periodically shed their skin, have also been symbols of regeneration, fertility and healing. Neither attitude is “correct,” of course. The snake represents a primal psychic force that can be expressed for either good or evil. I bring this up, because in the coming weeks you will have abundant access to the good stuff.

GEMINI (May 21-June 20)

There’s a party in your astrological House of SelfDefinition, Gemini. Four planets have converged there for a rare get-together: forceful Mars, ingenious Mercury, intimate Venus, and concretizing Saturn.

What does it mean? This is the best time in many moons to get to know yourself better, to glorify yourself with feisty precision, and to nurture relationships that will activate your dormant potential. Choose one dream (not two or three or ten) that will best serve all those purposes, then initiate plans to make it your labor of love for the next two years.

CANCER (June 21-July 22)

My acquaintance Patty was awash in a mix of ecstatic uproar and exasperation. “Today I wanted to go up to every person I saw,” she said, “grab them by the

LIBRA (Sept. 23-Oct. 22)

I dare you to place a photo or paint an image of a lightning bolt on the wall above your bed. I double dare you to light a red candle and say a voracious prayer to the fire. I triple dare you to temporarily set aside your obsession with harmony, fairness and objectivity, and I quadruple dare you with honey and jalapeños on top to give yourself without restraint to a brilliant, blazing adventure that belongs to you and you alone.

shoulders, and say, ‘Do you know that God is headover-heels in love with you right now?’ But I stopped myself. I didn’t want to get locked up in jail or a mental institution.” I happen to share Patty’s certainty about the Supreme Being’s feelings. And since I probably won’t be put away for making radical claims, and because you’re in a phase when you’re wildly receptive to generous truths, I’m picking up where Patty left off. The fact is, Cancerian, God totally adores you, and is eager to demonstrate Her love in abundance if you will only allow Her to do Her magic. It might help if you return Her feelings with an equal intensity.

SCORPIO (Oct. 23-Nov. 21)

It’ll be a paradoxical week, Scorpio. You’ll be simultaneously boggled and soothed as you witness the profound interdependence of apparent opposites.

There’ll be open secrets and genuine imitations and passive aggressions. You’ll encounter clever fools and peaceful warriors. “Anarchy rules!” may be your mantra as you wade through an organized mess in search of something resembling toasted ice. New traditions will be born. Partial pregnancy may be an operative metaphor. Fuzzy logic will be de rigueur.

LEO (July 23-Aug. 22)

Calculated annually, the Gross National Product (GNP) is the standard by which countries gauge their prosperity. In an age when all other values are subservient to the obsession with material wealth, the GNP is in essence a measure of the current worth of the Holy Grail. In recent years the small Buddhist nation of Bhutan has rebelled against this vulgarity, however, proposing a different accounting system: Gross National Happiness. While it takes into consideration economic development, it also includes factors like the preservation of the environment, enrichment of the culture, and quality of governance. I suggest you draw your inspiration from the Bhutanese in the coming week, Leo, and estimate your own Gross Personal Happiness. It’s a perfect time to evaluate and increase your levels of joy.

SAGITTARIUS (Nov. 22-Dec. 21)

Usha Lee McFarling reports in the LA Times that eerie omens are sweeping through the Far North.

Stretches of sea that are normally capped with thick layers of ice did not freeze last winter. Warm winds from the South, previously rare, have become common. Willows are sprouting up where no trees have ever grown. Seasoned hunters can no longer read the coming weather in the sky. Lately you Sagittarians have experienced your own version of this unsettling ambiance in your personal sphere. Unlike the conditions in the Arctic, though, your strangeness is temporary. You may proceed on the assumption that dumb luck will begin ushering you towards a more fun and relaxing brand of craziness by May 14.

VIRGO (Aug. 23-Sept. 22)

Today I narrowly avoided a head-on collision with a butterfly. As I hurtled on my bicycle at high speed down a rural road, the fluttering red and gold creature appeared out of nowhere a few yards in front of my face. I slammed on the brakes and ducked. Once coming to a full stop, I was relieved to realize that it had not smashed against me. Where, then, had it gone? It was nowhere in sight. I ran my fingers gingerly through my hair and — hallelujah! — dis-

CAPRICORN (Dec. 22-Jan. 19)

Maybe you’ve seen a bumper sticker that says, “He who dies with the most toys, wins.” It carries two implications about how to be victorious in the game of life. First, it suggests, you should retain the playful spirit you had as a kid. Second, you should build up your self-worth by accumulating possessions. Here’s a slightly different formula for success, borrowed

ACROSS

34 Place in which to luxuriate 37 “A ___ plan …”

38 1981 miniseries set in ancient Israel 39 Theater passage 41 Where bottles of alcohol sit 42 Unmitigated 43 The Crimson Tide, familiarly 44 Influence on 1980’s pop 45 Clorox or Clorets 46 Melon type 48 Strong supporter?

50 Booty 54 Fancy do 58 Fastener piece 59 “The Bell Jar” author

60 Dogsled runner, maybe 62 Martin Luther King Jr.’s birthplace 64 It’s drained by traveling 65 Kigali resident 66 Lower limbs 67 Trumpet blast 1 2 3 4 5 6 7 8 9

ANSWER TO PREVIOUS PUZZLE 10 R I F L E S

E N R A P T

D A O A W H R U A N J O

A D A G I O S T R E N G T H

L M I A N C I H S T O M W I G A C O T E L I F E R E O R T S K I O N S

C U S T E R T N T H E L L

U B A S E R C A N M O S U B L B R A J O P E P C H T A L L E Y L I E O A W

Q U O N T E A E D P L I E P E K S E M E P R T A

U N D E R P I N C H O P I N

A D D O D S L Y O E T T

T O Y I N G

O W L E T S

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DOWN Appliance maker They may span generations Portrait painter ___ Hals With suspicion Cheers ___ fin (at last): Fr. Danger for a riverboat “Mississippi ___” (1992 film) Portrait on an old 2¢ stamp Succumbed to fear, maybe Ledger entries: Abbr.

James of Hollywood Tolstoy heroine Pick ___ avis Double platinum Genesis album of 1981 Actress Plummer Brewer’s need Cry (for) Captures Can. borderer ___ Lee

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Puzzle by Patrick Berry

34 Healing sign 35 One of Henry VIII’s six 36 Name on a razor 38 Doll’s utterance 40 Showing fatigue 41 One-fourth of a barbershop tune 43 Pastoral sounds 46 Noises from a rattletrap 47 Obliquely 49 Acknowledge 51 Fish in a John Cleese film

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$1.99 per minute • 18 & over • Touchtone phone required • C/S 612-373-9785 • www.freewillastrology.com/

Susan Anderson Bone & Mary Anderson Johnson

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PISCES (Feb. 19-March 20)

I trust you took my advice last week and celebrated the holidays I created for your use. Let’s get you started on harvesting the fruits of the intense learning experiences that hopefully resulted. If you observed Ask Crazy-Like-a-Fox “Stupid” Questions Day, you gathered rich information with which you can now heal an aching rift in your life. If you celebrated Defy All Weak-Heart Conceptions Day, you’ll soon be able to free yourself from the parasitic effects of halfassed commitments. As for the Festival of Sauntering Past the Edge of the Known World: The hard part of the saunter should be over; the really fun stuff will get underway shortly. There’s still time to relive all these fresh feast days. Better tardy than never! The complete list is on my Web site: www.freewillastrology.com/allsigns_032300/042502all.shtml.

— © Rob Brezsny

Great Gifts For Mom!

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AQUARIUS (Jan. 20-Feb. 18)

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Leaving behind her beloved Europe, Anais Nin arrived in New York full of misgivings. “I hate it,” she wrote about the city in one of her famous diaries.

“I find it superficial. [It’s] an ugly prison.” She was not unwilling to have her mind changed, however.

“Make me love New York,” she told photographer Alfred Stieglitz, a long-time resident. “Show me what you love.” I exhort you to be inspired by Nin’s challenge in the coming week, Aquarius. Pretend I have come to visit you. Imagine all the places you’d take me and the experiences you’d give me to demonstrate what delights you about your home turf. This will put you into sweet alignment with the astrological omens, which suggest that you should shake off the numbing trance of over-familiarity and rekindle your excitement for your everyday life.

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Mother’s Day Week May 6-11

New York Times Crossword Puzzle 1 To the extent that 8 Pebble-filled gourd 14 Sweet, dark wine 15 Inflexible 17 Spiritual leader of the Isma‘ili Muslims 18 Rock band with a record-tying eight Grammys in 1999 19 Some babysitters 20 1/8 of a fluid ounce 22 Suddenly lose it 23 Org. 24 Raft material 26 Skier McKinney 29 Marriage announcement

from Israeli poet Yehuda Amichai’s poem “1924”: “Whoever remembers his childhood best / is the winner. . . .” As you begin a new search for the fountain of youth, Capricorn, this is a far better keynote than the bumper sticker slogan. What can you do to rouse more of the fresh, spontaneous, innocent love of life you had when you were 4 years old?

52 Perfume 53 Lake Volta’s locale 54 Funny bit 55 “What a pity!”

56 Punishment for a pirate

57 Movie dog 59 Builder’s need 61 Big 12 team: Abbr.

63 Old name in travel

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M

y relationship is about to hit the five-year mark. My boy friend and I have been talking marriage, but there’s one holdup: I want to keep my maiden name. My boy friend will not accept this. He won’t even go for a hyphenated last name. I’ve been married t wice before, and each of those times, I changed my name to that of the man I was marrying. My boy friend says if I did it for them, I should do it for him. He says we can’t be married unless I take his name. I now find the name-change practice too traditional, and I find his demand dispiriting. He says that, by changing my last name to his, I’ll truly belong to him. Is he right in asking me to do this? Or do I have reason to feel hurt and upset by his demand?

—Already Named “Won’t you be mine?” your boy friend asks you, forget ting to take into account that “mine” is already a very crowded category.

Perhaps he can find you space in his life between his socket wrench collection and his Yosemite Sam beer cozy. But will he love you like he loves his flea hotel of an easy chair? Cling to you like he clings to the remote? Hose you down every Saturday and apply a fresh coat of Tur tle Wa x like he does to his car?

Volunteer to be a victim of identity thef t and you might find out. If it makes you feel any bet ter, you could think of the process as a sor t of LoJack for humans: Instead of implanting a transmit ter in your arm, the way they do with cars, your boy friend just tears of f your name and pastes his on where yours used to be. Even if you’re lost or stolen, he’s sure to get you back!

So, what’s in a name, anyway? Well, if you want to transform a stadium into a grazing area without so much as whistling in the direction of a wrecking ball, just rename the Seat tle Mariners the Seat tle Registered Nurses or change the San Antonio Spurs to the San Antonio Speech Therapists. How impor tant is hanging onto your bir th name, the symbol for the identit y you’ve been creating and developing all your life? According to your romantic fascist, no biggie — not when it’s your identit y in the looming shadow of the giant eraser. But, if you want to see Mr. Mussolini throw a rod, just ask him to change his

name to yours (so you’ll be sure he truly “belongs” to you).

The big mystery here is how I can personalize weather.com to greet me with “Hi, but thead!” just because it makes me laugh, yet you can’t get a man who supposedly loves you to call you what you want to be called.

He’d rather stick with this practice stemming from English common law that a man’s wife is his proper t y. That’s what “giving away” the bride is about. It’s kind of like exchanging custody of a mule, except that the bride usually smells a lit tle bet ter (or so the groom hopes). Don’t be swayed just because this custom has been passed down for generations. Af ter all, people used to pass down the notion that the ear th was shaped like a placemat, too. We’ve moved on from placemat tectonics; it seems high time women’s names indicate that they belong to themselves, not on a shelf nex t to their husbands’ golf clubs, jars of pennies, and wall-mounted, Motown-singing novelt y fish.

I have the hots for a man at my office who’s 9 years my junior. He claims I’m the only one at work he’d consider dating, but he’s afraid if things went badly he’d be losing his best friend. Outside work, he has another female best friend, a woman he once dated. He swears they’re just pals, but they do spend a ton of time together. Am I wasting my time waiting for this guy? He’s the only one in a long time to ring my chimes.

—Hearing Music Junior probably has one or more very good reasons for not get ting involved with you: Maybe he envisions himself stumbling out of the smoking wreckage of your friendship, then running a daily gauntlet of sneering coworkers who pelt him with of fice supplies until he crawls on all fours into the safety of a nearby cubicle.

Of course, if he were interested in you, chances are he’d be willing to duck a lit tle flying Wite-Out every morning — maybe even an airborne desk or two. For most men, there’s only one surefire deterrent for of fice romance: a lack of at traction, which is probably what this man is feeling for you. Sure, go ahead and wait for him — but only if you find yourself in the mood to play an ex tended solo on those chimes.

— © 2002, Amy Alkon

Got A Problem?

Write Amy Alkon 171 Pier Ave., Box 280 • Santa Monica, CA 90405 or e-mail AdviceAmy@aol.com

49 M E T R O S P I R I T M A Y 2

ANSWER MY PRAYER Attractive S ebony woman, 29, 5’3”, black hair, loves reading, church, going out. ISO man, 28-35. Christian a plus. Ad# 3560 CAN IT BE YOU? SBF, 49, 5’5”, enjoys life, dining, church, parks, walks, seeking similar in SM, 55-60, maybe LTR. Ad# 3650 HAPPY TOGETHER Laid-back, easygoing SWF, 32, 5’7”, plus-sized, brown hair/eyes, enjoys movies, bowling, baking, looking for sincere, honest SM, 32-45. Ad# 3633 WISHING YOU THE BEST SBF, 40, 5’7”, outgoing, likes walking, concerts, plays, church, seeking respectful, active SBM, 38-44, with good morals.

Ad# 3632 HERE WITH ME Sweet, open, outgoing, intelligent SBF, 20, 5’5”, 130lbs., likes movies, dining out, walking, searching for cute SWM, 18-30.

Ad# 3646 HERE WITH ME SWF, 43, 5’2”, full-figured, outgoing, fun, easygoing, likes yard sales, cooking, flea markets. Desires SWM, 44-52, to share good times with. Ad# 3628 BEHIND MY BLUE EYES Slim, attractive DWF, 46, auburn hair, blue eyes, ISO DWM, 46-56, to spend time with. Are you ready? Ad# 2818

ARE YOU THE ONE? SWF, early 40s, 5’6”, 136lbs., college educated, extroverted, enjoys camping, country living, animals, traveling. Seeks similar SWM, 40-50, with similar interests. Ad# 2817 ROMANTIC? CALL ME! Friendly BF, 46, 5’8”, 170lbs., hobbies are music, bands, picnics and walking. Seeking BM, 4050, for friendship. Ad# 3615 HAPPY ME SWF, 5’6”, 138lbs., green eyes, reddish blond hair, enjoys movies, walks and good conversation. ISO SWM, 40-55, honest and outgoing. Ad# 3605 BE HONEST SF, 60, enjoys good conversations, going to Church, yard sales, music, seeking SM, 5070, N/S, likes to go to Church. Ad# 3606 GOOD GIRL HUNTING SWF, attractive, blonde, hazel eyes, looks 35, 5’4”, 140lbs. Seeking tall, handsome WM, 32-42, with old-fashioned values, enjoys having fun. Ad# 2813 HONESTY A MUST SWF, 42, 5’4”, 180lbs., long-haired, hardworking, easygoing, likes animals, dining, quiet times, laughter, the lake. Seeks N/S, honest SWM, 35-45. Ad# 3590 FOR GOOD COMPANY SWF, 62, 5’6”, 130lbs., adventurous, into gardening, antiques, dining, sports. Seeks SWM, 5575, for conversation, friendship. Ad# 3591 NO GAME PLAYERS Fun-loving, honest, loyal SWCF, 46, 5’4”, 160lbs., brown hair, loves camping, fishing, NASCAR, looking for serious, sincere SWCM, 38-55. Ad# 3558

WHERE ARE YOU? SBF, 29, 5’3”, likes going to church, reading, sports, seeking SBM, 2835, with similar interests, to get to know better. Ad# 3560 ISO MR. RIGHT Shy, laid-back SBF, 23, 5’9”, 195lbs., loves music, traveling, bowling, movies, dining out, looking for SBM, 23-35, with similar qualities. Ad# 3565 TABLE FOR TWO SWF, 57, 5’4”, blond hair, green eyes, easygoing, outgoing, enjoys cooking, fishing, reading, NASCAR, ISO honest, respectful S/DWM, 57-65.

Ad# 3563 GENTLEMAN FOR ME? WWWF, 60, smoker, attractive, blonde, enjoys dancing, learning golf, socializing, the outdoors, seeking WPM, 50s-60s, mustache or beard a plus. Ad# 3557 LOOKING 4 LOVE SWF, 22, outgoing, fun, looking for SWM, 25-35, for friendship, possible LTR. Ad# 3193 GIVE ME A CALL SWF, 50, looking for friendship, possible LTR with SWM, 48-53. Ad# 3196 BEING YOURSELF SBF, 27, N/S, 5’6”, 180lbs., brown eyes/hair, open-minded, fun-loving, enjoys bowling, poetry, movies, quiet evenings.

Seeking strong-minded SBM, 26-39. Ad# 3195 PICK UP THE PHONE All thoughtful, respectful, drug-free SBPCM, 40-55, this SBF, 49, 5’4”, 165lbs., N/S, who enjoys dining, music, picnics, bowling, softball, wants you. Ad# 3200 MUCH MORE!!

SWF, 32, 5’3”, full-figured, reddish/brown hair, brown eyes, enjoys swimming, poetry, horseback riding, shooting pool.

ISO secure, respectful SWM, 29-49. Ad# 3187

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ABBREVIATIONS M F W J ISO N/S

Male Female White Jewish In search of...

Non-smoker

B H A P N/D NA

Black Hispanic Asian Professional Non-Drinker Native American

D C S WW LTR

Divorced Christian Single Widowed Long-term Relationship Double Dater

NO GAMES!!

SBF, 33, N/S, full-figured, enjoys reading, long drives, the outdoors, seeking caring, understanding SBM, 25-38. Ad# 3551 SOMEONE JUST FOR ME DWPF, 44, 5’5”, 135lbs., very pretty, ethereal, enjoys gardening, reading, working, animals.

ISO SCM, 40-50, with similar interests. Ad# 2809 MATURE MAN DBF, very spiritual, caring, honest, friendly, intelligent, romantic, physically fit, stable. Seeking BM, 37-45, spiritual, stable, and honest, for LTR. Ad# 2774 A STRONG WOMAN SBF, 28, 5’10”, 170lbs., outgoing, friendly, sociable, enjoys running, walking, biking, movies. Seeks SM, 24-37, for friendship.

Ad# 3174 ISO MILITARY MAN Down-to-earth SF, 39, drug-free, looking for military SM, 28-42, in good shape, knows what he wants in life, for fun and LTR. Ad# 3176 WE SHOULD MEET SWF, 30, 5’5”, full-figured, shy, into movies, reading, intelligent conversation, basketball. Seeks SM, 28-39, confident, for friendship. Ad# 3159 ALL THIS AND MORE SWF, 33, 5’3”, 125lbs., green-eyed redhead, affectionate, ambitious, student, enjoys travel, sporting events. Seeking SM, 30-43, honest, friendly, intelligent, familyoriented. Ad# 3164 NO GAMES PLEASE! SBF, 32, outgoing, downto-earth, smoker, likes long walks, church, travel, cooking, dining. Seeking SHM, 30-45, stable, secure, for friendship.

Ad# 3171 WAIT AND SEE SWF, 62, 5’6”, blond hair, blue eyes, loves camping, fishing, boating, walking, seeking SWM, 70, with similar interests. Ad# 3156 UNDER THE STARS SWF, 52, enjoys fishing, dancing, spending time with grand children, seeking SWM, 50-58, to spend quality time with.

Ad# 3144 CAN WE MEET? SWF, 57, 5’4”, blonde, personable, loves reading fiction, dancing. Seeks SWM, 57-63, for friendship. Ad# 3132 WERE U BORN 6/20/51?

Tall, slim, attractive woman, auburn hair, light complexioned, seeking tall, attractive WM, born June 20, 1951. No other responders please! Ad# 2771

THE TWO OF US Beautiful, romantic SBF, 39, 5’6”, long black hair, enjoys swimming, ballgames, dancing, singing, movies, ISO outgoing, clever SBM, 40-60. Ad# 2654 LOOKING FOR YOU HF, 28, brown hair, likes good conversations, sports, and having fun.

Looking to build a friendship with a SBM, 20-40.

Ad# 3084 MAKE ME SMILE BF, 23, has a great personality, likes laughter and having fun. Seeking SM, 24-35, for friendship, possibly more. Ad# 3087 GETTING TO KNOW U WF, 26, 5’8”, 155lbs., red hair, green eyes, enjoys traveling, sports, and spending time with friends. Searching for a SM, 23-36. Ad# 3106 WORTH YOUR WHILE Friendly, easygoing, laidback SWF, 20, 5’5”, 150lbs., brown hair, blue eyes, loves music, dancing, horseback riding, ISO SWM, 22-26. Ad# 3099 WAITING TO HAPPEN DWF, 45, 5’4”, brown hair, green eyes, likes sports, music, dining out, searching for serious, honest, hardworking SWM, 4055. Ad# 3107 TAKE MY BREATH AWAY Hardworking WF, 38, 5’4”, 100lbs., brown hair/eyes, enjoys biking, watersports, cooking, and travel. ISO WM, 35-50, for possible LTR. Ad# 2767 BE MY FRIEND SWF, 56, 5’4”, 160lbs., green-eyed, personable, loves dancing, reading.

Seeks SWM, 62+, for friendship. Ad# 3059 LOVING YOU BF, 25, 5’10”, 170lbs., seeks a BM, 25-35, who is honest and trustworthy, for quality time and romance. Ad# 3046 NEEDING YOU Outgoing, friendly, BF, 5’8”, likes dining out, movies, basketball and long walks. Looking for M, 21-31, with similar interests. Ad# 3049 LOVES GOD Hazel-eyed brunette DWCF, 48, 5’7”, enjoys nature, cooking, movies, reading. ISO honest, financially secure SCM, 45-55, for friends first, possible LTR. Ad# 3051 TREAT ME RIGHT! Outgoing DWF, 37, N/S, has kids, seeks true, honest, stable SWM, 28-48, N/S, for dining, movies, walks, and quiet times.

Ad# 3035 SHARE WITH ME Brown-eyed SBF, 26, 5’, 100lbs., humorous, likes good conversations, 3-D puzzles, movies, reading.

ISO SWM, 21-28, for quality time. Ad# 3006

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GOOD-HEARTED SWF, 44, 5’2”, 145lbs., redhead, green-eyed, humorous, enjoys reading, the outdoors.

Seeking SM, 35-52, with similar interests. Ad# 3009 LET’S CUDDLE WF, 41, 5’6”, 138lbs., hazel eyes, brown hair, outgoing, likes cooking, fishing, hunting, NASCAR. ISO SWM, 3748, for friendship. Ad# 3014 LET’S HAVE FUN BF, 20, 5’6”, 140lbs., friendly, loves having fun, likes movies, dining, bowling, sports. ISO SWM, 18-36, with similar interests. Ad# 3021 LET’S MEET SF, 40, 5’5”, 160lbs., brown eyes, friendly, sensitive, enjoys movies, clubs, music, children.

ISO outgoing SM, 30-50, for possible LTR. Ad# 3025 GIVE ME A CHANCE BF, 55, 5’1”, 145lbs., brown-eyed, friendly, outgoing, enjoys dancing, movies, walks. ISO SBM, 55-60, who’s easygoing, understanding, friendship first. Ad# 3028 ISO A GOOD MAN Outgoing SBF, 18, N/S, fun-loving, enjoys movies, dancing and wrestling.

ISO SBM, 19-20, who likes the same things.

Ad# 2979 LET’S BE FRIENDS SBF, 21, new in town, 5’8”, 195lbs., enjoys movies, music, long walks and more. ISO SBM, 2030, for friendship first.

Ad# 2992 CAN WE GET TOGETHER SWF, 53, 5’, 145lbs., shy, loves the outdoors, mountains, traveling. ISO SM, 48-68, who’s tall, honest, sincere, for possible LTR. Ad# 2964 CAREER MINDED SWF, 30, 5’6”, blonde hair, blue eyes, 135lbs., enjoys golf, tennis, music, outdoors, traveling, dining. ISO SWPM, 27-36, for friendship. Ad# 2976

National Hills 2635 Washington Rd. Augusta, GA 30904 STRONG WILL SBF, 45, outgoing, attractive, youthful, enjoys writing, music, traveling.

Seeking mature, strongwilled SBM, 35-48, for friendship. Ad# 2956 LET’S GET TOGETHER! Outgoing, humorous SBF, 24, 5’5”, 135lbs., N/S, enjoys writing and sports.

Seeking independent, affectionate SM, 20-36, for LTR. Ad# 2948 ISO CARING GENTLEMAN Pleasant SWF, 71, 5’5”, 125lbs., brown hair/eyes, enjoys fishing. Seeks caring, giving SWM, 69-74, for friendship, card playing, dining out. Ad# 2744 DOWN HOME GIRL DBF, 48, 5’6”, 175lbs., no kids, loves dining out, football, gardening.

Seeking SBCM, for companionship. Ad# 2904 LONELY IN NEED Aiken resident, WWWF, 74, easygoing, youthful, enjoys gardening, crafts, flea markets, yard sales, walking. ISO WM, 65+.

Ad# 2737 CALLING MR. RIGHT Full-figured, 48 year-old WWWF, seeking SWPM, 45-65, for companionship and possible LTR. Enjoys music, movies, walks and travel. Ad# 2739 ISO UNIQUE MAN Attractive SBF, 35, likes dining, sports, going out.

Seeking attractive, openminded, sensitive M, 3045, for friendship or more.

Local calls only. Ad# 2735 MAKE ME SMILE SWF, 27, 5’10”, brown hair/eyes, shy at first, likes fishing, camping.

Seeking SM, 25-37, for fun and possibly more.

Ad# 2913 CARES ABOUT OTHERS SWF, 37, 5’8”, 185lbs., long auburn hair, friendly, cheerful, honest, sincere, loves reading, writing, traveling. ISO honest SM, 30-45. Ad# 2922 WELCOME TO MY LIFE SWCF, 47, 5’9”, 120lbs., green eyes, no children, seeking N/S SWCM, 3050, for friendship and possibly more. Ad# 2901

YOU NEED TO CALL SWF, 45, 5’9”, 165lbs., brown hair/eyes, outgoing, social, enjoys a variety of activities. Seeking active, fun, tall SWM, 4050. Ad# 2905 ARE YOU TRUSTWORTHY? Honest, loyal SWF, 45, 5’4”, 155lbs., brown hair, loves to sing, dance, swim, fish. ISO SWM, 3855, for companionship.

Ad# 2909 THOMSON OR AUGUSTA AREA DWF, attractive, N/S, N/D, good personality, easygoing, enjoys movies, mountains, and walks.

Seeks stable WM, 48-62, similar interests, for friendship, relationship.

Ad# 2732 LET’S CONNECT Cool, crazy BF, 30, 6’, enjoys travel, bowling, basketball, singing.

Looking for special, sensitive BM, 26-34, 5’11”.

Ad# 2722 NOT AFRAID SBF, 40, 5’6”, black hair, attractive, outgoing, friendly, enjoys fishing, walks, dancing, dining, movies, cooking, entertainment. ISO SM, 40-60, for LTR. Ad# 2883 LOOKING FOR YOU SBF, 42, 5’5”, enjoys cards, movies. ISO SBM, 42-55, understanding, kind, loves children, for friendship first. Ad# 2886 ROMANCE IS THE KEY SBF, 50, 5’7”, 177lbs., salt-n-pepper hair, romantic, fun, enjoys fishing, traveling. ISO SBM, 49-70, who’s sincere, open, for friendship. Ad# 2890 MY WISH LIST: A wholesome, family-oriented, enthusiastic, gainfully employed SWPM, 40-50, sought by attractive, charming Santa’s helper, SWPF, loving, spontaneous, broad interests. Ad# 2719 CAPTIVATING? Attractive, intelligent SWPF, 30, full-figured, enjoys reading, walking, church. ISO confident SWCM, 28-36. Ad# 2864

"Continued on the next page"

This publication is a community, family publication. Anything appearing in Datemaker must be appropriate for all ages. Participants in Datemaker must be 18 years or older. Datemaker is restricted to individuals seeking personal, monogamous relationships. The publisher reserves the right to edit or reject ads and voice introductions that do not meet the standards of acceptance of this newspaper. This publication assumes no liability for the content or reply of a personal advertisement.

Readers and advertisers may wish to consider taking appropriate safeguards in responding to ads and arranging meetings. Callers to the 1-900 system will be charged $1.99 per minute on their monthly phone bill. Touchtone phone callers will be given instructions on how to respond to a specific ad, browse male or female greetings and use Datematch. For best reception, cordless telephones are not recommended. Use of this column for business solicitation will be prosecuted. CH/AS 04/26 533

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50 M E T R O S P I R I T M A Y 2 2 0 0 2

"Continued from previous page" SHOW ME THE TOWN SBF, 31, looks to meet a tour guide SBM, 25-35, for hanging out, fun, friendship. Ad# 2870 R U THE ONE? SBF, 22, 4’11”, mother of two, likes movies, more.

Seeks fun, outgoing SBM, 22-26, for committed relationship.

Ad# 2871 NO GAMES PLEASE SBF, 32, 5’4”, full-figured, outgoing, humorous, enjoys dining, dancing, football. Seeks honest SBM, 30-45, for friendship. Ad# 2873 DREAMING WF, 38, 5’4”, sensitive, good-hearted, enjoys cooking, walks, quiet times. ISO BM, 35-50, must be honest, sensitive, sincere. Ad# 2851 ISO ONE GOOD MAN SBF, 22, 5’2”, 113lbs., enjoys dancing, shopping. ISO SBM, 20-29, with a good personality.

Ad# 2847 A FRIEND AND MORE SBF, 22, N/S, fun-loving, 4’9”, sexy, enjoys dining out, movies, long walks and shopping. ISO honest SBM, 25-35. Ad# 2833 SECURE AND SINGLE SBF, 48, Northerner, with sense of humor, enjoys jazz, Ingram & Wilson, reading. ISO SM, 48-60, financially secure, enjoys interesting conversation.

Ad# 2299 A SPECIAL SOMEONE Outgoing, loveable SBF, 21, 5’7”, 140lbs., brown hair, enjoys time with friends & family, traveling.

ISO SBM, 21-27, similar qualities. Ad# 2681 START FROM HERE Outgoing, fun-loving, honest SWF, 45, 5’3”, 155lbs., brunette, loves dancing, singing, sports, beaches. Seeking honest, loyal SWM, 38-55, for friendship first. Ad# 2688 BEST FRIENDS Upbeat SWF, 43, 5’3”, green-eyed brunette, likes bowling, movies, eating out, beaches, boating. ISO compatible SWM, 43-54, with same values. Ad# 2691

THE CAT’S MEOW SWM, 41, 5’11”, blue eyes, no baggage, educated, enjoys biking, travel, cats, aviation. Seeks SF, 30-45. Gardening, cooking A+. Ad# 3654 HARDWORKING MAN SWM, 36, brown hair/eyes, tall, 185lbs., people person, employed, ISO SF, 24-37, intelligent, pretty, with mixed interests. Friendship first. Ad# 3653 WAITING FOR THE ONE SWM, 37, 5’4”, 135lbs., brown hair, blue eyes, likes camping, fishing, hiking, NASCAR, looking for N/S SWF, 30-37. Ad# 3631 LIVE FOR LOVE Friendly SWM, 37, 5’10”, 220lbs., brown hair, hazel eyes, likes building motorcycles, outdoor activities, searching for SWF, 27-45.

Ad# 3625

GREAT DAYS AHEAD SWM, 26, 160lbs., blond hair, blue eyes, has a wide variety of interests.

Looking for honest, sweet, funny SWF, 21-30.

Ad# 3635

ISO YOU SHCM, 51, loves cooking, working out, martial arts, seeking sweet, caring SF, 30-55, to spend the rest of my life with. Ad# 3575

JOIN ME SBM, 26, 6’1”, 205lbs., enjoys reading, basketball, looking for casual friendship with SWF, 2434. Ad# 3198

ROMANCE IS ALIVE DWPM, 56, educated, cultured, seeks WF for LTR and romantic adventure. I’m very athletic, musical, 5’10”, muscular build, good, patient listener. Ad# 2513

NEW TO ADS Outgoing, fun SBM, 38, 5’8”, black hair, 165lbs., government job, looking for SF, 28-40. What do you like to do? Ad# 3199

COUNTRY LIVING SWM, 37, 6’, brown hair, hazel eyes, 215lbs., likes the outdoors, country music, NASCAR, fishing, hunting, seeks homebody SWF, 28-45. Ad# 3048

CHILL WITH ME SBM, 26, 5’8”, 150lbs., enjoys music, the outdoors, movies, parks, beaches, looking for SWF, 18-35, for casual relationship, maybe more. Ad# 3192

GOING TO THE RACES! SWM, 23, 5’10”, 150lbs., adventurous, smoker, likes the outdoors, sports, racing, dining, wrestling, movies. Seeking outgoing SF, 18-35, for friendship.

Ad# 3172

NO LIES! Down-to-earth BM, 34, ISO a LTR with a SF, 2147, who wants a serious relationship without head games. Ad# 3622 HELLO LADIES!!

WM, 30, with blond hair, enjoys beaches, dancing, movies and dining.

Looking to meet a SF, 2238, for friendship. Ad# 3618

LET’S TALK SWM, 34, 5’11”, 220lbs., easygoing, likes dancing, singing, fun times. Seeks laid-back, fun-loving SBF, 27-40, for coffee and conversation. Ad# 3065

JUST KICK IT SBM, 24, 5’9”, shy at first, likes wrestling, bowling, theater. Seeks SBF, 2131, medium build, fun-loving, to kick it with. Ad# 3082

MAKE ME SMILE SWM, 44, ex-military, mature, down-to-earth, respectful, enjoys movies, going out, fishing.

Seeking reserved SBF, 32-44, for friendship. Ad# 3127

SOMEWHERE OUT THERE SBM, 39, 5’6”, 160lbs., outgoing, honest, likes Blockbuster nights, attending church, fun times. Seeks SF, 27-44, feminine, open, respectful. Ad# 3083

MODERN COUNTRY LIVING WM, retired senior citizen, 6’1”, 145lbs., ISO WF, 4560, attractive, mediumbuilt, N/D, N/S, no children, for companionship, LTR. Ad# 2770

COULD BE YOU WM, 37, 6’, 220lbs., who’s the outdoorsy type, likes hunting, NASCAR and walking. Interested in meeting a F, 28-44. Ad# 3048

WISH UPON THE STARS Outgoing SWM, 48, 5’10”, 189lbs., enjoys mountains, beaches, the outdoors, seeking SF, 3555, with similar interests.

Ad# 3599

WHAT DO YOU LIKE? SWM, 46, 5’10”, brown hair/eyes, outgoing, likes long drives, good conversation, fishing, quiet times at home, looking for friendly SWF, 18-20. Ad# 3559 HAND IN HAND SWM, 24, 6’2”, 225lbs., dark hair/eyes, outgoing, friendly, likes shooting pool, dancing, riding motorcycles, ISO SWF, 20-35. Ad# 3564 NO MIND GAMES SWM, 26, 6’, 165lbs., brown hair, loves movies, dining out, shooting pool, sports, looking for SWF, 20-26, to have with. Ad# 3561 READY AND WILLING Fun SBM, 28, 5’5”, 150lbs., bald headed, likes shooting pool, movies, clubbing, quiet times at home, seeking SBF, 28-35. Ad# 3567 ARE YOU THE 1?

SWM, 26, 6’, 165lbs., brown hair, green eyes, outgoing, fun, likes sports, shooting pool, movies, romantic evenings, looking for SWF, 21-28. Ad# 3572

CHECK IT OUT GWM 46, ISO GM, 23-35, to start a new friendship and more. Ad# 3627

EVERYTHING’S ALRIGHT Shy SWM, 46, homebody, seeking SWF, 35-42, no kids, easygoing, wants a relationship. Ad# 2991 MAKE YOUR MOVE Laid-back SBM, 41, 6’1”, clean cut, medium build, enjoys church, dining, beaches, shopping, reading, sports. ISO SF. Ad# 2752

TO THE POINT SWM, 47, 5’10”, 190lbs., outgoing. Seeking attractive SWF, 30-47, for LTR. Ad# 2960 LET’S TALK! Outgoing SBM, 44, N/S, likes reading and watching TV. ISO humble SBF, 29-46, for possible relationship. Ad# 2944 SEEKING YOU SWM, 33, loves cooking, dining out, movies, good times. Seeks special SBF, 30-35, for possible LTR. Ad# 2734

www.metspirit.com

NEW IN TOWN 5’6”, 150lbs., blue eyes, blonde, WWWM, 47, enjoys travel, sailing, art, good food, beach. ISO SF, 35-mid 40s, seeking LTR. Ad# 2815

WASS UP?!

SWM, 20, looking for a fun girl, 18-25, to kick it with. Keep it real. Holler back. Ad# 3579

LET’S TALK SWM, 46, N/S, 5’10”, 200lbs., enjoys outdoors, hunting, country music, bowling and flea markets.

ISO SWF, 35-50, hardworking, honest. Ad# 2986

A LITTLE TLC DWM, 47, hardworking, secure, ISO SWF, 35-46, who wants a LTR. Ad# 2978

BE YOURSELF SBM, 35, 6’, 180lbs., humorous, down-toearth, enjoys church, jogging, movies, seeking SBF, 30-40, with same qualities. Ad# 3598

A GOOD HEART...

SBM, 41, down-to-earth, outgoing, N/S, enjoys music, church, sporting events, seeking loving SBF, 30-45, for friendship.

Ad# 2959

GUY TALK SWM, 6’2”, 240lbs., blue eyes, brown hair, 52, dating first, possible relationship. Enjoys walking, hand holding and talks.

Seeking SWM, 30-40, with feelings. Ad# 2819

THAT SPECIAL LADY SWM, 60, easygoing, 5’8”, 160lbs., hardworking, secure. ISO SCF, 3555, N/S, for LTR. Ad# 2974

MR. CHEF SWM, 34, 6’1”, 175lbs., blue eyes, good sense of humor, enjoys cooking, in/outdoors. Seeking SF, 20-40, welling to eat my cooking. Ad# 3596

CUDDLE WITH ME SWCM, 21, 5’8”, 200lbs., blond hair, enjoys going to Church, varied interests. ISO SWCF, 21, with similar interests. Ad# 3604

CELESTIAL SAILOR Mystical romanticist, rider, believer, gardener, chef, biker, crafts, camper. SWM, 43, very clean, financially secure.

ISO SF, 29-50, loves jazz.

Ad# 2747

SEARCHING SBM, 25, 6’, 230lbs., bald head, shy, friendly, loves music, singing. ISO honest, sincere SF, 23-30, for friendship. Ad# 2919

www.metspirit.com R U INTERESTED? SBM, 42, 5’8”, 160lbs., light complexion, enjoys baseball, movies, park walks, cooking, country music, movies. Seeking SWF, full-figured, intelligent, understanding. Ad# 3180 HAPPY-GO-LUCKY SWM, 44, 5’7”, 180lbs., auburn hair, green eyes, enjoys traveling, motorcycles, certified SCUBA diver. ISO SWF true companion, 30-45, outgoing, redhead. Ad# 3209 R WE A MATCH? SWM, 40, 6’1”, 160lbs., brown hair, blue eyes, enjoys classic rock, movies, dining, more. ISO nice, friendly SF, 25-45.

Ad# 3550 ENJOYING LIFE Retired SWM, 52, 6’4”, 155lbs., reddish/blonde hair, enjoys dancing, fishing, hunting, seeking similar SWF, 44-65. Ad# 3554 GIVE ME A CALL! SBM, 6’1”, 270lbs., seeking SBPF, 35-50, for friendship, movies, walks in the park, and dining out. Ad# 2810 ATTN FEMALE CITIZEN Hardworking SWM desires intelligent, humorous, sensuous WF, 28-38, with creative and kinesthetic outlet. Call to negotiate terms of surrender.

Ad# 2785

LET’S MEET Secure, good-natured SWM, 26, 6’2”, blue-eyed, sandy blond hair. Seeks ambitious SF, 19-27. Ad# 3080 CALL ME SBM, 21, 5’7”, 140lbs., enjoys movies, hanging out, quiet times, ISO SF, 21-40. Ad# 3154 WATCH THE SUNRISE SBM, 25, 6’9”, 225lbs., has a wide variety of interests, looking for an outgoing, sweet, caring SF, 20-39, for friendship and possibly more. Ad# 3141 WORTH THE WAIT SBM, 41, loves sports, church activities, searching for a SBF, 35-45, with similar interests, for conversation and possibly more. Ad# 3143 LOOKING FOR MY LADY SWM, 35, 6’1”, 195lbs., blond, blue eyes, enjoys cooking, dining, dancing, quiet evenings. ISO D/SWF, 25-40, for friendship, possible LTR. Ad# 2772 GOOD HEART...

Looking for love. Retired engineer, DWM, 70, 5’9”, 200lbs., seeks openminded D/SWF to share friendship, love. ISO someone who likes movies, dining out, walks, talks, and some outdoor activities like golf, fishing.

Age/race unimportant.

Ad# 2773

PERFECT DATE Are you a SF, 18-29, looking for a gentleman? This WM, 22, is perfect so give him a call. Ad# 3098 A GOOD FRIEND WANTED HM, 26, 5’9”, 220lbs., brownish black hair, very outgoing, likes photography, traveling, cultural activities, and movies.

Seeking SF, 23-27, for relationship. Ad# 3114 WHERE MY HEART IS Friendly DWM, 58, 5’10”, 190lbs., enjoys shooting pool, political research, cooking, looking for honest, healthy SWF, 46-56, for serious LTR. Ad# 3115 MILITARY MAN SWM, 34, 5’11”, 220lbs., fun-loving, easygoing, likes movies, quiet evenings, dancing, R&B, classic rock music. Seeks SBF, 29-40. Ad# 3057 WANT TO MEET? DBM, 45, 5’10”, 220lbs., enjoys good conversation and food, sports, movies, ISO SBF, 35-50, for LTR. Ad# 3064 COMPASSION SM, 53, 6’, 180lbs., musician, loving, communicative, loves bowling, dancing, walks, car racing.

Seeking attractive, compassionate SWF, 21-60, for a LTR. Ad# 3070

FOR YOU...

I would do anything.

Medium-built BM, 48, 6’4”, 195lbs., likes running, lifting weights and walking. Seeking H/W/BF, 25-45. Ad# 3053 MAKE IT HAPPEN! Outgoing SBM, 18, N/S, seeks SF, 18-21, who likes dancing, walks, movies, and enjoys life, for friendship first. Ad# 3038 LET’S DO LUNCH SM, 18, 5’8”, 250lbs., enjoys music, movies, shopping, meeting new people. ISO SF, 18-40, who wants something new. Ad# 3022 RUN WITH ME SHM, 50, 5’8”, N/S, likes outdoors, having fun, running. Seeking SF, 36-45, for friendship. Ad# 3000 THAT SPECIAL SOMEONE SBM, 30, 5’11”, mediumbuilt, clean-cut, no children, N/S, N/D, seeking SF, good-hearted, goodnatured, down-to-earth, looking for relationship, maybe more. Ad# 2755 JUST FUN Shy WM, 55, N/S, no kids, enjoys going for coffee, ice cream or a movie. ISO WF, 45-65, for friendship first. Ad# 2998

BEEN THERE DONE THAT SWM, 33, 5’9”, 160lbs., brown hair, outgoing, honest, sincere, likes hunting, fishing, dining out. Seeking SWF, 25-37, with similar interests. Ad# 2921 LIFE IS SHORT SWM, 45, 6’1”, 170lbs., dark hair, hazel eyes, outgoing, easygoing, loves horseback riding, traveling, fine dining. Seeking SWF, 18-32. Ad# 2926 BE MY PRINCESS SBM, 27, 5’6”, heavyset, friendly, easygoing, outgoing, loves good conversation, music, sports.

Seeking SF, 20-36. Ad# 2938 HIDDEN TREASURES SWM, 41, 5’8”, 160lbs., brown hair, blue eyes, friendly, loves gardening.

Seeking SWF, 24-50, for friendship and possibly more. Ad# 2911

NEED SOMEONE SPECIAL In your life? SBM, 46 young, 5’5”, 125lbs., oldfashioned, ISO sincere SM, 23-35, special friend and conversation. Let’s talk. Ad# 3627 DON’T PASS THIS UP SWM, 18, 5’9”, 140lbs., brown hair, blue eyes, caring, loving, outgoing.

ISO SM, friendly, 18-45, for romantic adventures.

Ad# 3637

SECURED & SINGLE GWM, 31, 5’8”, 168lbs., gray eyes, brown curly hair, mustache, down-toearth, very open minded, seeking GH/B/mixed M, 24+. Ad# 2816 NOTHING TO LOSE WM, 32, 5’11”, 150lbs., with green eyes, seeking a WM, 20-45, for casual relationship and good times. Ad# 3614 SEE EYE TO EYE Shy WM, 44, with black hair, likes pool, movies and long walks. ISO a BM, 30-50, for good times. Ad# 3612 DOCTOR FIX IT SGM, 45, 5’10”, 230lbs., black hair/eyes, shy but reserved, enjoys bowling, working out, ISO SBi/GM, 30-60. Ad# 3597 NOT INTO GAMES SBM, 29, smoker, adventurous, likes fishing, picnics, family activities.

Seeks adventurous, loving, supportive SM, 1835, for LTR. Ad# 3586 FRIENDLY WM, 48, blue eyes, heavyset, wants to meet WM, 35-60, for casual conversations, friendly, easygoing.

Discretion assured and required.

Ad# 2811 ALL CALLS R ANSWERED Seize the day. GWM, 51, 6’2”, 240lbs., likes quiet evenings, candlelight dinners, walks, talks. ISO friend for dating, possible LTR. Ad# 2784

LOOKING FOR A QUEEN SBF, 30, one child, articulate, athletic, sense of humor, enjoys dancing.

ISO SB/H/WF, 24-35, for conversation, friendship.

No head games. Ad# 2821 YOUNG AT HEART Active GWF, 60, 5’5”, 122lbs., brown hair, enjoys meeting new people, dining out, short trips, ISO plus-sized GWF, 4560. Ad# 3639 KIND AND CARING GBF, 24, 5’2”, 170lbs., blond hair, energetic, loving, enjoys movies, shopping, cooking, seeking romantic, outgoing GBF, 21-27. Ad# 3642 ZEST FOR LIFE Articulate, adventurous WF, 32, 5’8”, brown hair/eyes, enjoys animals, running, movies and dining. Looking for WF, 2540, for friendship. Ad# 3611 WHY NOT? GBF, 24, 5’4”, 145lbs., dark-skinned, short hair, has a wide variety of interests, searching for GF, 2130, for friendship and conversation. Ad# 3568

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