Metro Spirit 05.10.2012

FORT GORDON DINNER THEATRE PRESENTS

Written by

Jeffrey Finn and Bob Walton Based on an idea by

Jeffrey Finn

Theme Song and incidental music by

Bob Walton 7KLV EUDQG QHZ FRPHG\ WDNHV SODFH RQ WKH VHW RI D ILFWLRQDO TXL] VKRZ ZKHUH DXGLHQFH PHPEHUV FRPSHWH IRU DQG ZLQ DFWXDO SUL]HV “... lots of fun! It’s a cross between a quiz program and “Survivor!� The surprise of the new season!� – NY Times

May 11, 12, 18, 19, 24, 25 & 26 'LQQHU S P ‡ 6KRZ S P MENU

/RQGRQ %URLO ZLWK %pDUQDLVH 6DXFH %DVLO &KLFNHQ ZLWK :LQH 6DXFH 3DUPHVDQ &UXVWHG &RG :LOG 5LFH ZLWK $OPRQGV 6TXDVK &DVVHUROH 5RDVWHG 5HG 3RWDWRHV ZLWK *UHHQ 3HSSHUV DQG 2QLRQV *UHHQ %HDQ $OPRQGLQH 6SULQJ 0L[ 6DODG ZLWK &KRLFH RI 'UHVVLQJ ,FHG 7HD DQG 6WDUEXFNV &RIIHH Deluxe Dessert Table

TICKETS

Civilians: $40 | Seniors (65 & over), Retirees, DA Civilians, Active-Duty ( DERYH _ $FWLYH 'XW\ ( EHORZ _ 6KRZ RQO\

For reservations, call 706-793-8552

V23|NO19

Want to advertise in the Metro Spirit? 706.496.2535 or 706.373.3636

04 06 07 08

METRONEWS NY TIMES CROSSWORD RUFFIN’ IT

09 15 22

CONTENTS

INSIDER JENNY IS WRIGHT AUGUSTA TEK AUSTIN RHODES

photography: jwhite AmyChristian|production director amy@themetrospirit.com

JoeWhite|publisher-sales manager joe@themetrospirit.com

GabrielVega|lead designer gabe@themetrospirit.com

BrendaCarter|account executive brenda@themetrospirit.com

EricJohnson|writer eric@themetrospirit.com

LaurenRoman|account executive lauren@themetrospirit.com

MichaelJohnson|sightings

JohnnyBeckworth|circulation manager johnny@themetrospirit.com

JoshBailey | graphic designer ValerieEmerick|writer AmyPerkins|editorial intern JordanWhite|design intern LaurenDeVille|editorial intern TerenceBarber|editorial intern ErinGarrett|photography intern LauraPerry|volunteer

Metro Spirit is a free newspaper published weekly on Thursday, 52 weeks a year. Editorial coverage includes local issues and news, arts, entertainment, people, places and events. In our paper appear views from across the political and social spectrum. The views do not necessarily represent the views of the publisher. Visit us at metrospirit.com.Š 15 House, LLC. Owner/Publisher: Joe White. Legal: Phillip Scott Hibbard. Reproduction or use without permission is prohibited. One copy per person, please.

EVENTS CALENDAR

23

SLAB MATT’S MUSIC

30 31

THE8 SIGHTINGS ART45 BALL

34 36 38 40

PETS PAGE

41

WHINE LINE

42

COVER DESIGN | KRUHU

METRO AUGUSTA PARENT

Contributors James Allen|Greg Baker|Rob Brezsny|Sam Eifling|Matt Lane|Austin Rhodes|Josh Ruffin|Matt Stone|Jenny Wright

Pain Doesn’t Have to Slow You Down Walton Medical Associates specializes in acute and chronic pain management and restoration of maximum function.

Let our pain experts help you get back up to speed with our "New x-ray free� ultrasound guided (Sonosite) procedures!*

NoX BDDFQUJOH OeX QBUJFOUT referrals.

Conveniently located inside Walton Rehabilitation Hospital.

Curb-side parking! *Provided by Branan Foundation and Wells Fargo Foundation

Ability

Independence Recovery

1355 Independence DrivF t Augusta, Georgia 30901

t Toll Free 1-866-4-WALT0/ t XXX Xrh.org 10MAY2012

AUGUSTA’S  INDEPENDENT  VOICE  SINCE  1989 Â

METROSPIRIT

3

INSIDER@THEMETROSPIRIT.COM Insider is an anonymous, opinion-based examination of the hidden details of Augusta politics and personalities.

SIDER

CONTINUED

IN

V23|NO19

Plant the Flag

In a sporting show of neighborliness, Paine College will celebrate its 130th Commencement Convocation on Sunday, May 13, by having GHSU President Dr. Ricardo Azziz give the commencement and convocation address at the Bell Auditorium.

Of course no one in Augusta is more capable of giving such an important speech. Certainly no one wields as much power as Azziz. In what still seems like mere months (it’s actually closing in on two years since he arrived), Azziz has managed to charm, maneuver and leverage GHSU into not just an immovable part of the Augusta landscape (remember when everyone was scared all the docs were heading to Athens?), but a pillar of real, almost scary power.

After all, he snatched the Golf and Gardens property from Ironman and the Iron Man while absorbing ASU and creating something called a comprehensive research university, which seems to be something he’s pretty much getting to write the definition for.

Given Paine’s proximity to the ever-‐expanding GHSU and the unfortunate news of its revenue shortfall, officials might want to give the guy a little pat down before allowing him to take the stage. Should he have a GHSU flag in his pocket, he just might plant it, and it’s not going to matter that they’re at the Bell and not at Paine — there isn’t a person in Augusta strong enough to quibble over that detail.

What Ricardo wants, Ricardo gets.

THUMBS

up down

4

“Sherlock” is back on PBS’s Masterpiece Mystery.

Beyonce wins journalism award for a story she wrote for Essence magazine.

Yeah… that just happened.

METROSPIRITAUGUSTA’S INDEPENDENT VOICE SINCE 1989

10MAY2012

V23|NO19

New Digs

Late last week, developers Clay Boardman and Barry Storey released word that they received a tentative agreement from Augusta’s economic development organizations to relocate in a building to be built on the site of the former WJBF building on Reynolds and 10th.

Television Park was recommended for demolition the week before by the Historic Preservation Commission.

While having the economic development organizations in one building makes a certain amount of sense, and locating the CVB beside the TEE Center is certainly convenient for the CVB, you’ve still got to wonder about the logic behind building a new home for organizations that already have homes.

Isn’t the Whites Building stronger with the DDA inside? What about Enterprise Mill? Isn’t there a certain poetry in having Augusta Tomorrow in such a glorious example of Augusta’s yesterday?

And when it comes to that, what about those surplus properties the city’s trying to unload? If all those organizations absolutely have to be together under one roof, why not an existing roof, even if it might be a couple blocks out of the sweet spot?

Sure, old isn’t as much fun as brand spanking new, but sometimes it can be just as good.

Just ask Historic Augusta.

Of course they probably would have told you to keep Television Park in the first place.

Field Days

OPEN 7 DAYS 10MAY2012

AUGUSTA’S INDEPENDENT VOICE SINCE 1989

IN FRONT OF WALMART IN EVANS

Over in the land of plenty, the plenty seems to be getting stretched pretty thin in some places.

School Superintendent Charles Nagle presented a budget that came up almost a million dollars short, and while he says he thinks his people can go back and squeeze the turnip a little bit harder (yes, that’s what they’re calling it these days), a million bucks is still a million bucks.

Are there furlough days on the horizon? Are there any more teacher’s aides to left to cut? Will Georgia Power — yeah, that Georgia Power — really come to the rescue with that 19 percent drop in energy costs? Would you hold your breath for that one?

All this gloom and doom is over on Hereford Farm Road while, over on Ronald Regan Drive, county government is considering another half-‐mil rollback of the millage rate.

Of course it won’t be long before the usual suspects will start crying foul over that one. Cross and his cronies are at it again — the numbers are off, the books are cooked, there’s no way all those construction projects could have come in under budget. And while we’re at it, look at what a bust that Evans Towne Center Park turned out to be.

METROSPIRIT

5

V23|NO19

JENNY IS WRIGHT Secrets to a Successful Marriage

GOLF MAGAZINE’S FAVORITE FOR GREAT FOOD AND LIVE ENTERTAINMENT

Eat. Drink. Be Happy.

“Hey, when will you be home?�

I was pregnant with The Boy, sitting on the couch, enjoying a quiet night at home.

The Man was out playing cards. He was just down the street, so there wasn’t a real reason to worry, but it had gotten to be a little later than he’d originally planned.

He told me that he’d be home shortly.

Finally at about 3:30 a.m., I called him again, because I was going to bed, and I knew he’d be walking home. I wanted to be sure he was okay. He promised me that this time, he really was on his way. I was exhausted and headed to bed.

You see, I didn’t want to call him. Many years ago, I swore I’d never be that girl.

You know the one. She demands that her husband be home at a certain time after weekends away. She requires that he spend quality time with her, forcing him to give up time with his friends. If he plays golf, he wears a timer to keep track of precisely the number of minutes he was away from home, so she can be paid back with equal time away. She expects lavish gifts whenever she does anything she deems extra-� special. Roses for Valetine’s Day won’t suffice. She needs diamonds. Or else.

The question I’d most like to ask is this: How fun is it to be married to that girl?

I mean really. Who in that household is having any fun? She has to be miserable, because there’s no way she’s ever happy. He has to be miserable, because there’s no way she’s ever happy.

I just don’t understand the whole demanding wife thing. Why on God’s green earth would you want to be the type of wife whose husband dreads coming home if he’s 15 minutes late? I want The Man to want to come home. Not only do I enjoy his company, but these pesky children aren’t gonna raise themselves.

I’m certainly not always perfect, and there are times when The Man leaves a phone conversation thinking, “What is wrong with her? What did I do?� Hey, we all have bad moods. That’s temporary.

But what about those girls? I once heard of a girl who left pictures of engagement rings around the house so her boyfriend would know exactly what she wanted. If you’re that worried about the decisions that he might make, why in the hell are you with him in the first place?

Don’t get me wrong. Sometimes The Man needs a little more help with things that come naturally to me. For years, if I was away at mealtime, he’d call me and ask what he should serve the kids for dinner. Um, well, open the fridge and look.

Pick something. It’s what I do every single day. Just because he does stuff like that doesn’t mean he should spend his entire life on restriction. We’re a team. A damn good team.

The Man loves backpacking and just got back from his biannual trip with the guys. I couldn’t wait for him to get home, but it wasn’t because I wanted to put him to work. I looked forward to seeing him and hearing about his trip. I don’t plan on placing (too many) demands on him. Besides, I don’t want him to start bossing me around.

That late night all those years ago ended with an argument after The Man came home and fell asleep on the couch with TV blaring and all of the lights on. I went out and nicely asked if he’d like to come to bed. Woken out of a hazy, bourbon-� induced stupor, he didn’t react too kindly. I think my pregnant anger was warranted.

So sure, we fight. We ask that the other one help a little more around the house. I annoy the crap out of him on a daily basis. We also parent together, travel together, drink wine together and even like hanging out together. We’re celebrating 10 years of marriage this week. If you ask me, that’s pretty damn wonderful. Cheers to The Man on this anniversary, and here’s to and many, many more. I promise I’ll never be that girl. I’ll always be your girl.

STEAKS • CHOPS • BURGERS • SALADS

816 Cotton Lane • Augusta, GA 30901 • 706.724.4511

www.EatDrinkBeHappy.com 6

METROSPIRITAUGUSTA’S  INDEPENDENT  VOICE  SINCE  1989

JENNYWRIGHT lives in Summerville with her husband, who she calls The Man, and two kids, who she affectionately calls The Boy and The Girl. She enjoys taking photos, cooking and playing tennis.

10MAY2012

V23|NO19

AUGUSTA TEK Zombie Ants

Vaginal Yeast Infection Study Georgia Health Sciences University (GHSU) is conducting a research study with an investigational medication, given along with fluconazole, for the treatment of vulvovaginal candidiasis (VVC or vaginal yeast infection) in women to see if it works better than regular treatment alone.

To qualify you must be a healthy non-­pregnant and/or non-­ breastfeeding female, 18 years or older, but NOT post-­menopausal.

Qualified participants will receive: Study medication Study-­related physical exams Study-­related laboratory tests Compensation for your time and travel Follow up exam to determine cure Just Say, “Hell, No!” Recently, we’ve heard talk about employers asking job seekers for their Facebook passwords. Their pretense is company reputation. If you want to be hired by our company, then we have the duty to make sure nothing in your past will damage our reputation.

Let’s start with government employers. They should get nothing since the whole reputation pretense is false. Imagine a City of Augusta HR representative telling a job applicant they needed to verify that nothing in their past would bring down the reputation of the city government. Kind of makes you chuckle just thinking about it.

Now for private organizations, I have no problem with the request. It’s their organization, and I fully support their right to ask job seekers whatever they need in order to determine suitability for the job.

That said, I want to be very clear about the answer that I would give. I want to be clear because this is the answer that you should give as well.

“Hell, No!” Besides the fact that this is yet another significant invasion into our privacy, I have a rational explanation for my position. Someone that would willingly give up this degree of privacy for a job without question is either desperate to get a job; docile, compliant and will fold under the smallest bit of pressure; risk averse, since nothing in their past is incriminating; or a liar with a second, sanitized Facebook account just for business. None of these folks will help a company in its mission to deliver services to their customers. So don’t be one of these people!

Zombie Ants. This week, Discover Magazine published a follow-‐up article on the lives of zombie ants. For those unfamiliar with zombie ants, google “ophiocordyceps unilateralis.” In short, zombie ants are ants infected with a fungus that alters the behavior pattern of the ant. Specifically, erratic movements, wondering in random directions... you know, typical zombie-‐like stuff. Eventually, the ant clamps down on a leaf vein with its mandibles. The fungus then sprouts out of the ant’s body, lashing it to the leaf’s underside, and producing a long stalk tipped with spores. The spores then shower down on unfortunate insects below.

For those concerned about the startling similarities between this and the coming human zombie apocalypse, this week’s article describes a vulnerability of ophiocordyceps unilateralis. It turns out that ophiocordyceps unilateralis is susceptible to a hyperparasitic fungi, or another parasite whose host is a parasite.

This second parasite feeds of off ophiocordyceps, killing a majority of the original zombie organisms. Regrettably, the ant was already dead by the time the hyperparasite took hold.

So the pending zombie apocalypse is still on its way, but at least we now know someone is working to give us all some hope!

Until next time, I’m off the grid. @gregory_a_baker.

For more information, please contact: Angela Goebel, Becky Lambert, or Lynn Allmond Georgia Health Sciences University Department of Family Medicine, Gynecologic Cancer Prevention Center 1423 Harper Street Augusta, GA 30912 706-­721-­2535 or 706-­721-­8944

GREGORY A. BAKER, PH.D, is vice president and chief rocket scientist for CMA, which provides information technology services to CSRA businesses and nonprofits.

10MAY2012

AUGUSTA’S INDEPENDENT VOICE SINCE 1989

METROSPIRIT

7

V23|NO19

AUSTIN RHODES Representation Without Taxation

Our cities, states and, yes, the country itself is being slowly controlled and governed more and more by citizens casting votes who themselves have no real skin in the game.

Can you imagine allowing minority stake investors to control a company? Or to give my example a more homey feel, imagine a huge family dinner where poor relations from the sticks show up to be treated a prime rib dinner and all they bring are dill pickle chips. Even though their contribution is slight, they insist on taking equal credit for the meal. And since they have more kids than the host, they actually end up taking over the entire evening.

They dictate the seating arrangements, the desert menu and how the meat is cooked.

It doesn’t matter that they didn’t cover the main costs of the meal or that they brought more mouths to feed than they could ever afford to feed on their own, technically, there are more of them than there are of you, so they are now in charge.

After that rowdy meal of prime rib and pickles is done, I wonder how anxious you are going to be to have those folks back?

Pardon the crude metaphor, but that is exactly the position we are in right now with our current tax system in America.

No longer do we fear being taxed without a voice. We have a voice to be sure, but it is being drowned out by people who are in charge simply by virtue of showing up, and not because they are contributing to the overall tax base in a significant way. Just the opposite of the Boston Tea Party days, we now have a distinct problem with people represented in government who do not pay a significant tax load.

The statistics don’t lie. Look very carefully at Augusta’s poorest neighborhoods and see who they support with their votes at a rate of 95 percent or better.

In the CSRA, the neighborhoods that are the neediest, the most blighted and, yes, often times the most dangerous, do manage to generate a lot of citizen participation come voting time. With the choreography of a Busby Berkley musical, their ballots seem to be syncronized and in perfect lock step, and it ain’t conservative Republicans the po’folk are supporting.

While this tidbit is certainly not a newsflash for any of us who are paying attention, I am mighty curious what the enlightened progressives might have to say about it. Are they giddy because their side should most likely win the majority of at large Augusta city elections, or will they take a moment to consider how their side is winning, and just what

8

METROSPIRITAUGUSTA’S INDEPENDENT VOICE SINCE 1989

AUSTINRHODES

The views expressed are the opinions of Austin Rhodes and do not necessarily represent the views of the publisher.

that winning has gotten them through the years?

But tread lightly, folks. The instant that someone suggests another American is not paying any taxes, advocates for the less fortunate point to sales taxes and payroll taxes and loudly proclaim, “See, they are paying their share. It is not their fault if their income is too low to tax.”

Understood, but it is not the only burden they get to sidestep. Consider the double whammy pulled by public housing residents who also get to completely skip the property tax bills that represent 100 percent of the local participation of the cost of public schools.

That stings for a number of reasons, but primarily because the schools that serve their neighborhoods are often supersized with any number of federal subsidies under that old reliable education system Santa Claus, the Title One program.

Quick question: How likely is a person or a group to show responsibility, care or appreciation for an institution or program that is provided to them by law, at no cost and with little fear that it will ever disappear?

That sums up the attitude of many whose children are using our public education system, paying nary a dime to foot the bill. Not through taxes, user fees or even traded labor.

Who says there is no free lunch? At many Title One schools you get free lunch, free breakfast, free weekend snacks, afterschool programs, night time programs and, yes, even holiday programs. Gotta love the bang for no bucks our public housing families are getting from their public schools.

So why pick on poor schools in poor neighborhoods? To illustrate the point that we see more and more the very real phenomenon emerging of government representation without taxation.

How ironic that the most demonized grassroots political movement of the last generation, The Tea Party Movement, got its name from a group dedicated to protesting the exact opposite.

The concept of taxation without representation is infuriating to be sure, and certainly justified the call to arms of our founding fathers all those years ago. If they could only see the untaxed showing up in force to dominate local, state and national elections in 2012, they would likely be throwing a lot more than just tea into Boston Harbor.

10MAY2012

METRO

NEWS When Richmond County Deputy JD Paugh was shot and killed after stopping behind a vehicle on the Bobby Jones Expressway on October 23, 2011, the CSRA’s law enforcement community was forced to deal with a tragedy. That tragedy was sadly repeated two months later, when Aiken Department of Public Safety officer Scotty Richardson was shot and killed after stopping a suspicious vehicle and then again in January, when Aiken’s Corporal Sandy Rogers was shot and killed while investigating a suspicious vehicle.

Three local law enforcement deaths within three months produces an awful lot of anguish for an awful lot of people, many of whom struggle for appropriate ways to express it.

This Thursday, May 10, a California filmmaker will be in Augusta raising money for his documentary about fallen law enforcement officers, and members of the local law enforcement family, who are still coming to terms with the tragedy, want to make sure Paugh, Richardson and Rogers are included and that their legacy lives long after the headlines fade.

There are many ways to heal, and maybe preserving the memory and sharing the loss is one of them.

Local businessman and reserve police officer Lewis Blanchard hopes the fundraiser — a Drivin’ N’ Cryin’ concert at the Country Club Dance 10MAY2012

Hall and Saloon, with all proceeds going toward the movie project and a local support group — succeeds at raising awareness for the movie and increases the chance that the three stories can be shared with a larger audience.

“I just wanted to do whatever we needed to do in our area to make sure our fallen officers were included,” Blanchard says. “I wanted to make sure we helped them raise enough funds that they put our area on one of their production stops so that our people would be involved.”

The film, called “Fallen” (fallenproject.com), is being funded primarily through donations from the law enforcement community. Its director, Sergeant Thomas Marchese, is a narcotics specialist and tactical team leader for the Soledad Police Department in California, whose interest in photography lead him to filmmaking and

ERICJOHNSON

AUGUSTA’S INDEPENDENT VOICE SINCE 1989

METROSPIRIT

9

V23|NO19

whose closeness to the subject matter lead to this film.

“With the rise in officer deaths in the last few years, it just seemed the logical direction for me to go,” Marchese says. “These officers get a little smidgen of coverage and then they’re forgotten about forever.”

According to Marchese, firearm-‐ related officer killings have risen by 40 percent over the last two years and overall officer deaths have risen by 50 percent.

Though the film will focus on this rise in officer deaths, it’s going to deal primarily with the effect the deaths have on the officer’s partners, families and loved ones.

“It’s basically going to be built around interviews with the family members and the partners and the people that were involved,” Marchese says. “Everyone deals with this kind of thing in different ways, and while some people don’t want anything to do with it, other people need to get their stories out.”

Such a film wouldn’t have been feasible just a few years ago, but the affordability of quality digital video cameras has revolutionized filmmaking and allowed talented amateurs like Marchese the ability to jump into the Big Leagues. He’s already thinking about entering film festivals and finding a distributor.

“The tools available to filmmakers now are so affordable that you can actually make a top-‐quality film for an absolute fraction of what you could have done it for just five years ago,” he says. “Now, you can have a set up where you can actually go out and make a studio-‐quality film if you have $20,000 worth of gear, so it’s pretty amazing.”

This is Marchese’s first film, however, and while most first-‐ time filmmakers have the luxury of operating with little or no expectations, Marchese is asking very committed people to fund a very serious project that hits very close to home for an awful lot of people.

If Marchese feels the pressure, he doesn’t seem too worried about it.

“First of all, documentary filmmaking is a lot different than narrative, fictional filmmaking, so the learning curve isn’t quite as steep,” he explains. “If you have the proper gear, you’re basically going to go out and capture a story. The vast majority of this film is going to be interview based, which is a lot different than going out with a script and building a narrative visual story.”

The real challenge, he says, is going to be in the editing room, and while he was initially concerned with approaching friends and family 10 METROSPIRITAUGUSTA’S INDEPENDENT VOICE SINCE 1989

10MAY2012

V23|NO19

members in the wake of their loss, finding willing participants hasn’t been a problem.

“Over the course of the last five months or so in doing our fundraising and getting the word out, we’ve had dozens of families contact us wanting to be involved,” he says.

While that involvement has been on a national scale, that same sense of solidarity has been mirrored throughout the CSRA, which has experienced an outpouring of gratitude directed at law enforcement since the shootings.

“That’s something that’s had a huge wow effect on me — the fact that there’s so much community support out there for the emergency services,” says Chris Chavous, an Aiken County Sheriff’s Deputy who established Support 1, a nonprofit support organization for emergency workers. “Even though a lot of it is probably due to the three incidents, the awareness is huge in the community as a whole.

I can throw out countless organizations that have stepped up for minor little requests to huge requests like for our golf tournament.”

10MAY2012

His inaugural golf tournament, held last Monday to raise the initial money for the organization, earned well over the $5,000 he was striving for.

Chavous, who has been a firefighter for 19 years, a police officer for 13 and had five years in 911 communications before that, has experienced a number of traumatic incidents that culminated when Sergeant Jason Sheppard was killed directing traffic at an industrial fire in Aiken in December 2006.

The two were promoted together, and Chavous helped do CPR on Sheppard, who died later that night.

After the incident, Chavous participated in some of the support elements that were in place from the South Carolina Law Enforcement Assistance Program. Eight months later he was involved in a nonfatal shooting of a suspect who stabbed a deputy.

“Basically, the next year, I went through different training and awareness classes,” he says. “I saw some of the changes that can take place when you go through a traumatic event like that. I

went through the training to the point where I was actually interested in becoming a peer team member for the State of South Carolina.”

He became a critical incident stress manager and now helps counsel police officers around the state who are involved in similar incidents. In doing so, he discovered that while law enforcement was fairly well taken care of, fire departments and EMS departments were often left to fend for themselves, so he created Support 1 as a group that can help counsel all emergency response providers. The organization also provides financial assistance to families of killed or injured personnel.

Chavous says he has six members who are prepared to do debriefings and defusings for departments who go through critical incidents like the one Aiken experienced when Scotty Richardson was killed. Such incidents affect more than just those immediately involved.

“It affected the entire shift,” he said. “The shift, the whole crew of dispatchers and about half their firefighters, who were very close to him.”

AUGUSTA’S INDEPENDENT VOICE SINCE 1989

METROSPIRIT 11

V23|NO19

The debriefing process is painful, but necessary.

“You sit around and discuss it,” he says. “You might shed a tear or two and you talk about your feelings, which is something a lot of though guys don’t like doing, but when you do it with each other, with people who have walked the walk and are feeling the same way you’re feeling, it actually tends to go pretty far and it helps you get through it a little easier.

It’s not a cure all and it’s not a catch all, but it does help make it a little easier.”

Chavous’ next big event is the Bikes and Cages Memorial Ride sponsored by the Defenders Law Enforcement Motorcycle Club. The 72-‐mile ride will go from Aiken Tech, visit some of the graves of Aiken officers who have been killed in the last few years, to Wagener where Jason Sheppard is buried, and then back to Aiken Tech for a full afternoon of vendors, food and music.

And while a portion of Thursday’s Drivin’ N’ Cryin’ concert will go to Support 1, he says he wants to make sure it’s the movie and the memory 12 METROSPIRITAUGUSTA’S INDEPENDENT VOICE SINCE 1989

of the three victims that get the exposure.

Marchese will be at the event, and though he hopes to meet many of those close to the fallen officers, he says the official interviews will come at a later time.

“We’re not going to have all our gear, but we’re planning on updating

some kind of video blog,” he says.

“We’ll have a second trip that we’ll do for production.”

Benefit Concert for the Fallen Project and Support 1 featuring Drivin’ N’ Cryin’ The Country Club Dance Hall and Saloon

Thursday, May 10 Doors open at 8 p.m. $20 For more information visit metrospirit.com

10MAY2012

V23|NO19

WE GIVE UP...

METRO

10MAY2012

SPIRIT dot C M AUGUSTA’S INDEPENDENT VOICE SINCE 1989

METROSPIRIT 13

V23|NO19

ERICJOHNSON

Paine Gets the Roundabout Unsafe Druid Park studied after a year of inaction

A year ago Paine College drafted an official letter requesting the closure of Druid Park Avenue.

“We sent that letter a year ago to the mayor and copied the city administrator asking for something to be done, and an entire year went by,” says Paine Vice President Brandon Brown. “So we then followed up with a letter to all the commissioners asking for something to be done, which yielded us to get on the agenda.”

Brown feels the speed of the traffic headed down Druid Park and its unwillingness to obey posted laws are contributing to form an unsafe environment for students and community members.

“We have posted state signs that cars are supposed to yield to pedestrians when crossing through the crosswalk, but many cars don’t stop,” he says. “In past years, we’ve had individuals struck by a car and we’ve had numerous close calls. As that area continues to develop with the new Health Education and Activities Learning (HEAL) Complex, we felt as though this was an appropriate time to try to have the measure addressed.”

Brown says the safest way to protect students and community members who cross would be to close it down. It is a request not unlike the one made by Georgia Health Sciences University concerning Laney Walker Boulevard.

“We understand that it is a utilized pass through and that many people use it, so this is something we’ve been trying to get in front of the mass audience for some time,” Brown says.

At the last round of full committee meetings, Commissioner Alvin Mason took issue with the amount of time Paine had been waiting for a response and pushed for a meeting between city engineers and officials from Paine.

According to Administrator Fred Russell, closing the road is now off the table following the meeting. Instead, the city is recommending narrowing the road and possibly adding a traffic circle or roundabout.

A traffic circle would work to slow down traffic, and Assistant Director of Traffic Engineering Steve Cassell has said he has SPLOST money available to put toward such a project.

Though Brown emphasizes that Paine doesn’t want to do anything that would hinder or hurt the community, he says he feels an obligation to ensure the safety of his students and the community members who use the chapel and other buildings.

“Folks from all across the community use the chapel for funerals and weddings,” he says. “The new HEAL Center will have wedding receptions, church events, basketball games, educational seminars and graduations, so foot traffic is going to be picking up over there.”

He says a full-‐capacity event at the chapel would involve 1,200 people. A home basketball game at the HEAL Center would add 2,400. Throw in the student population and there is a potential of 4,000 people in that corridor.

Regal Cinemas blocks off the ability to drive right in front of the theater, he says.

They’re just looking for similar measures.

What’s clear after the meeting is that those measures won’t come in the form of a road closure, and while studying the options now being considered will probably take six months, Russell did advise that the speed limit on Druid Park be reduced to 25 miles per hour as soon as possible.

Apparently it had never been designated as a school zone.

14 METROSPIRITAUGUSTA’S INDEPENDENT VOICE SINCE 1989

10MAY2012

V23|NO19

TERENCEBARBER

Your Weird Week in Crime Is Augusta-Richmond County really as crime ridden as you think it is?

As the crimes and the times change, so will the report.

Money over family On Monday, April 30, an Augusta resident became upset over a check being cashed without his knowledge and began cursing and yelling. RCSD was called and the man left on his own account. He later came back, threw some items around and said he would be waiting “in the cut” to shoot the woman in the face the next time she left home.

Magnums are expensive On Monday, April 30, a man entered a CVS and left the store with four 12-‐count boxes of Trojan Magnum condoms. The suspect was found and banned from the store.

Treasure trove burglaries On Tuesday, May 1, a burglar smashed the front window of a residence and took a miter saw, a volt tool kit, Smith & Wesson .22 cal and .357 cal revolvers, and Charter Arms .41cal and .44 cal revolvers. The burglar then broke the front lock of the building to exit the premises.

Also on Tuesday, May 1, a burglar or burglars forced their way into the front door of a residence and took unknown pill amounts of hydrocodon, lorazepam, diazepam, simvastatin and prednisone from a medicine cabinet.

No sting like a lover scorned On Tuesday, May 1, an Augusta woman in her mid 70s ended an eight-‐year relationship due to the fact that the man, in his early 60s, was married. The man allegedly threatened to cut her throat the day prior and smashed the driver’s side windshield with a golf club, causing small lacerations on the victim’s right hand. On Wednesday, May 2, further damage was caused to the victim’s house, though no direct link between the two incidents was made.

Getting dumped on On Friday, May 4, it was reported that a vacant residence was vandalized. An outside deck railing was damaged, as well as rear French doors to the residence.

Once inside, a shower glass door, an electric oven glass door, and kitchen window were shattered. A vanity door, a closet door, hallway thermostat, ceiling fan and dining room chandelier were all broken. To add insult to injury the vandal(s) defecated in the master bedroom, living room and kitchen floor. The damage totaled to an estimated $1,910.

10MAY2012

Crime totals for the week 78 counts of larceny (both felony and misdemeanor) 26 counts of invasion of privacy (criminal trespass) 21 counts of assault 17 counts of property damage 16 counts of burglary with forced entry (daytime) Seven counts of financial fraud Seven counts of burglary with forced entry (night time) Five counts of burglary with forced entry (time unknown) Four counts of robbery (armed and with intimidation) Four counts of burglary with no forced entry (time unknown) Four counts of motor vehicle theft Three counts of burglary with no forced entry (night time) Three counts of terroristic threats and acts Two counts of theft/mislaid property One count of identity fraud One count of weapon offense (no license) One count of missing person One count of public peace disturbance One count of deprivation of a minor

AUGUSTA’S INDEPENDENT VOICE SINCE 1989

METROSPIRIT 15

V23|NO19

INFRACTIONS

By Tracy Gray / Edited by Will Shortz 104 What’s left 105 With 112-‐Across, compromise 108 Later 111 Abbr. on many food labels 112 See 105-‐Across 113 Ancient Balkan region 115Stinko 120 Like some interpretations 122 With 127-‐Across, classical work that’s the source of the European Union’s anthem 125 Dancer Duncan 126 Military depots 127 See 122-‐Across 128 They have scales 129 Gave, as a hot potato 130 Peter, e.g.

52 Venae ___ 54 Musical with the song “Easy to Be Hard” 55 The Piazzale Michelangelo affords a view of it 56 Detail 58 R&B singer Hayes 59 Glacial formation 60 Part of A.B.S.: Abbr.

62 World capital once occupied by France 63 Fly off the handle 65 Flavor akin to fennel 66 Quickly accelerate 68 Iotas 69 Order in the court 70 Sprite 72 ___ same mind Down 73 Prefix with resort 1 Bind 76 Muted 2 Phnom ___ 79 Fisher with a grig 3 Possible candidate for rehab 81 Agitated, after “in” 4 Old Italian magistrate 82 Beijing-‐to-‐Shanghai dir.

5 Word with top or pop 83 One from Germany 6 Fine, in old slang 84 Nature’s pillow?

7 “1984” superpower 85 Put back 8 Blue-‐gray 88 And everything else, for short 9 Be fooled 89 Death 10 Et ___ (and others) personified, in ancient Greece 11 “Star Trek: T.N.G.” role 92 Colonial service 12 “The Mary Tyler Moore Show” 93 Colored parts Emmy winner 95 Bonelike 13 The West was part of it 96 “Henry & June” role 14 Promises 97 Outside: Prefix 15 Become fixed 98 2009 Hilary Swank biopic 16 The Rams of the N.C.A.A. 99 Gender offender 17 “Ditto!”

100 Like a nasal membrane 18 George Bush’s chief of staff John 102 Rescued damsel’s cry 19 Person doing a practice run 106 Others, in Oaxaca 24 Poetic “always” 107 Up 31 Biblical suffix 109 Cousin of rust 32 Dr. ___ 110 Korean money 34 ___-‐garde 114 Sleep stages 35 Neighbors of C notes 116 “Freedom ___ free” 36 What letting off steam might result 117 ___ Lowry, children’s writer in 118 City in Sicily 37 Operating without ___ 119 Silhouette on many a yellow 38 Zigzagged sign 39 Trouser parts 121 Child-‐care author LeShan 42 ___ mission 123 Cat scanner?

46 New faces on bases 124 “___ Beso” 47 Brewer’s vessel 48 Gherman ___, cosmonaut who was the second human to orbit the earth 49 Jobs for dentists

1

2

3

4

5

20

6

23

8

11

12

13

37

38

31

39

33

40

41

57

58

59

43

19

55

56

71

80

83

84

85

92

100

72

73 78

117

118

119

63

74 79

82 88

93

89

90

94

101

95

102

105

106

107

111

112

113

121

62

54

67

77

87 91

53

66

81

86

44

61 65

76

120

18

49

52

60

64

99

17

35

48

51

70

16

29

34

42

47

50

69

15

28

32

46

75

14

25 27

45

98

10

24

30

68

9

22

26

36

7

21

96

97

103 108

104

109

110

114

115

122

123

116

124

125

126

127

128

129

130

PREVIOUSPUZZLEANSWERS

Across 1 It has eyes that can’t see 5 Flips 13 Student of morality 20 Philippine money 21 Pacific strings 22 Fine word for libraries?

23 With 26-‐Across, like grandchildren 25 Beach bottles 26 See 23-‐Across 27 Deck out 28 Bad record part, for short 29 “For shame!”

30 Ancient parting place 33 With 44-‐Across, execute, in a way 36 Keen observer 40 Prefix with cycle 41 Pond fish 43 ___-‐d’Or, Québec 44 See 33-‐Across 45 With 50-‐Across, euphoric 48 Ankle bone 50 See 45-‐Across 51 Product with the old ad catchphrase “Mother, please, I’d rather do it myself!”

53 Faith that celebrates both Jesus and Muhammad 57 Superlatively strong 61 Initially 64 Scaredy-‐cat, maybe 65 Sacred music composer ___ Pärt 67 Trig inverse 68 County subdivision: Abbr.

71 With 77-‐Across, high-‐end retail chain 74 Neighbor of Bulg.

75 Botanical beards 77 See 71-‐Across 78 Grove 80 Political party that won 39 electoral votes in 1948 82 “Apparently” 86 Panache 87 They’re fit for kings and queens 90 Poet who wrote “In the room the women come and go / Talking of Michelangelo” 91 What’s left behind 94 With 103-‐Across, 1999 Shyamalan thriller 98 Part of AARP: Abbr.

101 Fury 102 ___ Records (old music label) 103 See 94-‐Across

A R B O L

R E A T A

A S T O N

C I T E D

U C L A

T A U S

R T E

A B F A B

D I O N E

E S K I M O D O G S

S H E S

H O S P

O R C A

I B E T T A R T A R

H N E D E S L E T H D E A P L E N L E M A O T H O U A U N O N C D L K H U E S L T B Y A G E A F B F R I E S S T D T S P O N O P E S S E T

H A R H E T H A E B U L A M O T Y T B O E G A N S A N D T S E E C M A N K O A D O B B D O C T N O U N D S A P R I T E R D E R O I R E W O A C

A N G E L O S A R I

R E E B O K S

A C T I O R N U N D F A O N R L

R O N C L E O U N S M T H E E S T H

A G E G R O X A S O C I G E N A L E H E D E E A M I C R N O T I F T H N E S S I R H C S O E T T E U P S A R D F L E A A S G A R T I N G E O N O R

A N A T

P A L S

A D O R E

D O N E N

E Y R E

F A S T

S T E R E

H O R S E

EVERY TRIP DESERVES A NICE Elliott Sons Funeral Homes ENDING. ELLIOTTFUNERALHOME.COM

16 METROSPIRITAUGUSTA’S INDEPENDENT VOICE SINCE 1989

10MAY2012

ERICJOHNSON

FullCIRCLE Bloodworth reflects on presidency and return to teaching

After 19 years at the helm of Augusta State University, a time where he oversaw $103 million in new construction that transformed the institution from a drab commuter college to a modern campus to a consolidation with Georgia Health Sciences University (GHSU), Dr. William Bloodworth will give his final commencement address on Saturday, May 12, at 10 a.m.

“What am I going to say?” he anticipated, sitting down at a side table in his first floor office in Rains Hall. “I don’t know.”

That’s not to say he hasn’t given it any thought, just that he hasn’t settled on what he wants to say. But given the fact that he teaches a public speaking course, you don’t expect him to be stymied for long.

“You think about the audience,” he continued. “They are there to walk across the stage. Maybe they will listen and maybe they won’t, but it’s primarily an audience of people that are earning their first college degrees, and they’re entering a kind of difficult world. That degree doesn’t guarantee a job and the world is no less free of conflict now than it was 10 years ago or 50 years ago. But I hope that what our students have gained through their experience at Augusta State University makes that a little easier to meet those challenges.”

While most people think of graduation as an ending, 10MAY2012

AUGUSTA’S INDEPENDENT VOICE SINCE 1989

METROSPIRIT 17

V23|NO19

3842 Washington Road, Augusta, GA 30907 | 706.868.8616

18 METROSPIRITAUGUSTA’S INDEPENDENT VOICE SINCE 1989

the commencement ceremony is actually about beginnings, and Bloodworth, like those he’ll be addressing, is looking at a new beginning himself. He steps down as president June 30, and after a few months writing his history as president and being on call for Dr. Shirley Kenny, the interim president, he’s starting off as a professor of English and American Studies beginning in January.

“It feels different than I thought it would,” he admitted. “I would think — okay, I’m going to walk around campus and I’m not going to be seen as the president anymore. I’ve been seen in this very particular and special way.”

He stopped and searched for the right words “I have — not ownership — but this sense of privilege that’s been granted to me as president,” he said. “It gives me the right to be known by other people. It gives me the right to take responsibility for a lot of things around here, and I knew that would go away.

“So now it’s going to be different,” he said. “I’m not going to have certain things. I’m no longer going to have a key that opens up almost any building on campus. I won’t have a lot of people around me taking care of me, worrying about my schedule and so forth. I’ll be back to the kind of person I used to be, but that was a long time ago.”

Bloodworth has taught a course each year for the last four years, but while he enjoyed it, he knows that’s a far cry from what he’ll be doing come January.

“I’m still the president,” he said. “I walk into a class and the students think, ‘Oh, my god! It’s the president of the university — let me out of here.’”

Bloodworth has been in a role with some kind of administrative support since 1982, and while he sounded excited at the prospect of becoming just another academic, there’s no denying the difference.

“For me, it’s also a matter of focusing myself,” he said. “When you’ve got a job like being a college president, there’s a multitude of things to do all the time, and you sometimes don’t know what they are until they appear — you may think you’re going to take care of something for the next 15 minutes and something else will come up.

When you’re a faculty member, you have different kinds of choices to make about your time — you can actually spend 30 minutes working on one thing.”

While teaching after a presidency isn’t all that unusual, most retired presidents usually return to very small and highly selective classrooms made up of graduate students. Not so with Bloodworth, who wants to be involved with undergraduates — particularly freshman and sophomores.

“That’s the big question,” he said. “Can I, acting simply as professor of English and American Studies at this university, be really useful? Do I have something to offer to the students in my classes? I think I do, but the jury is still out. The jury will be all those students.”

Bloodworth, who earned his bachelor’s degree in English from Texas Lutheran University, a master’s degree in English from Lamar University and a doctoral degree in American civilization from the University of Texas at Austin, came to Augusta in October 1993 after spending time at East Carolina University and Central Missouri State University. Both were fairly large campuses in fairly small towns.

“In those two places, you never really got outside the university,” he said.

Augusta, of course, was different, and the difference suited him.

“What I liked here was the fact that this was a relatively small institution compared to the size of the community, which means the community had a life of its own and a history and traditions of its own,” he said. “I liked the fact that I was going to be at a college that became a university in a community where you could, in a sense, step off campus. You could remove this institution from the community and some things would change for the worse, but the community would still be here. And I like that a lot, and that’s probably one of the reasons why I stayed here so long.”

While he may have liked the community surrounding the school, the campus that he inherited was far from refined and the atmosphere was far from hospitable. The previous president had died in office more than two years before Bloodworth was hired. When he arrived, there were some problems with the accreditation of the then School of Education and problems with the registration process.

“What I thought the school needed was someone who could help make a lot of improvements in the way that we were trying to get things done and could grant some assurances to faculty that they were in a good place,” he said. “But I didn’t come here with a sense that the institution should be transformed into something that it wasn’t already. I thought that it needed to find itself, understand itself and get more self confidence so it could continue to do good work.”

Though he may not have set out with a vision — he actually scoffs at the whole “vision thing” — Bloodworth’s ideas nevertheless became the realities he leaves behind. Back then, there were six warehouse-‐style buildings in the center of the campus that had been built as part of the United States Arsenal as the country was gearing up for WWII. Those buildings were used by the arsenal during the war for repair and retrofitting of small arms and other things, and when the property became available for use by the Junior College of Augusta in 1957, which became part of 10MAY2012

V23|NO19

the University System of Georgia the next year and became Augusta College, those buildings housed classrooms and offices.

Very few of the offices had windows, the rooms all had low ceilings, the hallways were dark and the roofs were made with asbestos, which in an odd way turned out to be a good thing, since media pressure and a lawsuit eventually generated some interest among the Board of Regents to do something.

The school got approval for a science building in 1994 — the first new building built on campus in close to a quarter century — and that was followed in 1997 by the approval of two more buildings, Allgood Hall and University Hall.

“This was a huge step forward as far as facilities were concerned,” Bloodworth said. “Once Allgood Hall was built, it meant faculty members actually had offices with windows and students had decent places to attend class. We finally made this place look like the kind of college it had always been internally.”

That internal academic foundation has not always been appreciated, due to the school’s relaxed enrollment policy, a policy Bloodworth said was quite intentional.

“It’s been a place where the internal academic standards are actually high,” he said, “but the external standards for admission are not high, so it’s been a place that has created an opportunity for a lot of people to go to college or try to go to college.

And it’s been my view over the years that that is a good thing.”

One of the benefits of college, he said, is seen in the flowering of the next generation. Campus, he said, is full of students whose parents spent a semester or two but didn’t finish.

“You’ve got people who come to schools like this who were not born to come to school, who may come from backgrounds with very little exposure to higher education,” Bloodworth said. “A lot of those people do not do well starting out.

Sometimes, they come back and sometimes their children come back, but it’s still a benefit.”

Since the Board of Regents decided to consolidate its Augusta campuses, bringing ASU together with GHSU to form a new kind of comprehensive research university, some have questioned whether that mission will continue, and while remaining optimistic, Bloodworth acknowledged the worry.

“When I thought about stepping down, I thought that I would be 10MAY2012

AUGUSTA’S INDEPENDENT VOICE SINCE 1989

METROSPIRIT 19

V23|NO19

Presents  5LFKDUG (DUO &RRN *HQHUDO 'LUHFWRU &RQGXFWRU

A  D’Oyly  Carte  Evening:   Music  of  Gilbert  &  Sullivan  7:30  p.m.  Thursday,  May  17,  2012  Sacred  Heart  Cultural  Center,  Augusta Â

Tickets:  $45  adults/  $35  students  &  seniors Â

7KH 0LNDGR

Military  &  Group  Discounts  Available Â

+ 0 6 3LQDIRUH

Purchase  Tickets  Online  or  by  Mail   (order  form  on  website) Â

The  Augusta  Opera  Association  Â

7KH 3LUDWHV RI 3HQ]DQFH Â Â

Â

Post  Office  Box  240;;  Augusta,  GA  30903       20 METROSPIRITAUGUSTA’S  INDEPENDENT  VOICE  SINCE  1989

        www.theaugustaopera.com  Â

Â

     706-­364-­9114  10MAY2012

V23|NO19

leaving this institution in pretty good shape,” he said. “Now, it’s quite different because we’re going to be part of this different kind of university than we’ve been. It’s not just hoping that the things that we do well here, the kind of attention we give to undergraduates, the way that we have at least tried to be of assistance to the students who came in without the sort of backgrounds that make them a guaranteed academic success, can carry over into the new university. I think it can, and I think it will. I think Dr. Azziz wants to see it carried over.”

He pointed to the state’s other big research schools — UGA and Georgia Tech — both of which take pride in their commitment to undergraduate education.

“I think it will all work out, but it will be a different kind of institution ultimately,” he said. “It will be a comprehensive research university. The goal now is to become a university that attracts more students from other areas, and that holds a lot of potential benefits for this community.”

Benefits, yes, but in an entirely different way than before.

“There’s a lot that has to happen for that to become a reality, but it’s a new future for us,” he said. “It’s kind of exciting. It’s a different kind of future than I thought we would have here, but it’s where we’re headed and a lot of people will be quite exited about it.”

By stepping down when he does — he announced his decision long before the consolidation — he avoids the awkwardness of handing the school over to a local president who used to be his peer and the inevitable administrative headaches that will certainly go along with the transition.

Compared to that, maybe freshman composition doesn’t look so bad.

10MAY2012

AUGUSTA’S INDEPENDENT VOICE SINCE 1989

METROSPIRIT 21

V23|NO19

Ruffin’ It

Back-Pew Hero Worship “I’m tired of writing about the gods, the causal winds they snap in.”

— Albert Goldbarth This past weekend, Floyd Mayweather defeated Miguel Cotto by unanimous decision in Las Vegas. The outcome surprised no one. Mayweather is a pugilistic genius; in the ring, he has the pre-‐cognitive abilities of the albino water-‐kids from “Minority Report,” the reflexes of a Buddhist Jedi (which I think are the same thing anyway) and the hand speed of a Benihana chef. He fights from an orthodox stance, and his most effective weapon is his lead right hand.

If you know anything about boxing, you know that’s crazy. For the rest of you, a lead right hand is how most boxers say, “I have no game plan, and what’s a jab?” Floyd Mayweather uses it to say, “My jab is so good that it bores me.” Sometimes he even wears pink gloves to cube the number of ways he’s taunting you.

Floyd’s parents never taught him to not play with his food, so most of his fights see him peppering the other guy with about 30 of those right hands every round while being about as easy to hit as a hologram. He usually wins by late-‐round KO, or a wide decision. Floyd Mayweather is darts, and you are a 50-‐foot bulls-‐eye.

Going into the Cotto fight, Mayweather was 42-‐0, and while he’d fought only sporadically over the past few years, his list of scalps was intimidating: Oscar de la Hoya, Shane Moseley, Ricky Hatton, Juan Manuel Marquez (aka the guy who arguably beat Manny Pacquiao three times) — future Hall of Famers all.

Miguel Cotto was no slouch himself. A three-‐division titlist with more than 50 wins, Cotto was still only 2-‐1 in his past three fights: wins over a shot Antonio Margarito and an overhyped Yuri Foreman, with a loss by savagery to Pacquiao. He was not expected to lay an egg against Mayweather, but he was also not expected to win. And he didn’t. But he took Floyd farther into boxing hell than the six-‐division champion had ever been.

With much-‐improved defense and a lessened focus on headhunting, Cotto tagged Mayweather with more consistency than any other opponent, by a long shot, and even beat the lighting-‐quick Floyd to the punch on a few occasions. In Zoroastrian terms, this is known as “upsetting the balance.”

To this point, Mayweather had, and still has, a good many detractors. Some of it has to do with his “Money” persona, which essentially involves him trash talking the public about how rich he is. The whole thing is pretty much a role-‐play, but he’s role-‐playing a combination of Lil’ Wayne and Mitt Romney. Which the universe hates, and that’s why it allowed him to almost get knocked out one year ago by a geriatric right hand from Shane Moseley.

What the boxing public hates more than anything, though, is boredom. It’s why boxing exists in the first place, and why the Klitschko brothers have to broadcast their title fights for free for anyone in America to give a s**t. And it’s largely why they hate Mayweather: he’s too fast, too accurate, too good, and he’s all those things all the time.

If you’re a purist, then sure, you might glean some satisfaction from bearing witness to constant perfection. But that’s why no one outside of New York City is a Yankees fan, and why we don’t paint in the Renaissance style anymore. In the execution of it, flaws are scant. There is nothing at risk.

22 METROSPIRITAUGUSTA’S INDEPENDENT VOICE SINCE 1989

People like to see their heroes tested. In 1991, baseball fans in general lost their minds when the Twins and the Braves, both teams having gone from “worst to first” from the previous year, met in the World Series. Iron Man’s virtual invulnerability makes him a pretty uninteresting character until you read the “Demon in a Bottle” storyline from the comics, which dealt head-‐on with Tony Stark’s alcoholism (“Iron Man 2” briefly visited this subplot, but much of the tragedy was lost in translation, as actually seeing Iron Man stagger around with a bottle of vodka was pretty awesome and hilarious). Christ had to endure both the most heinous torture of the day and death before the world could take him seriously. And even now, some of his followers are making that pretty difficult.

Mayweather is human. Implicitly, we all of course knew that, but that fact at the forefront renders reception of him decidedly more positive. The Moseley right hand hurt him, but only for a moment, and then he cruised to a decision. Even when he was fined and sentenced to jail time, it was because of his own stupidity, and so no one felt sorry for him.

In the Cotto fight, however, he was faced with a nearly immovable object, and he stood firm, slogging through adversity and winning what many see as his first “true” victory in years. In other words: he transcended the label of “boxer” and finally became a fighter.

Why does this mixture of adoration and sadism characterize our attitudes towards our heroes?

Full disclosure: I’m no cultural anthropologist, but I’m not sure it always used to be this way. It has something to do, I think, with the ways in which the evolving state of our culture calls for an evolution of the “hero” definition. When the notion of superheroes, for instance, was gaining traction, figures like Superman and Captain America ruled.

Given the times, it was easy to root for them: Superman stood for foiling petty crimes as much as cosmic threats, and Captain American punched Nazis in the dick. Those are things that most of us can get behind. Yes, there were myriad, complexly wound intricacies woven throughout both World Wars, but it was easier then to set up a simplistic, Good vs. Evil narrative. Our heroes, accordingly, reflected it.

Now, things aren’t so clear-‐cut. America engages in blatant nation building at every turn; the Muslim extremists are out to get us (yes, some of them really are) and blah blah blah, but people are finding it increasingly difficult to gloss over their underlying motivations (hint: they don’t just hate us because of our freedom). We enjoy freedom of speech, but will be watched like hawks if we dare to exercise it. We are, in general, a socially progressive nation, but our laws still regard homosexuals (and, in some regions, women) as socially, biologically, inferior to straight males.

The lines are more opaque, the threads of logic frayed. It’s why Superman had to die at the hands of Doomsday, and why the Captain America movie was set in the 1940s. The old heroes, or at least their old incarnations, are dying out, difficult to transplant to a modern context. Hell, to even give Cap a purpose in the Avengers, the world has to be at war. On the one hand, this is progress: Human beings are learning to parse the grey areas of life and society, to see the barriers waving. On the other, it is a sobering sensation — not just to see that God can bleed, but to wake up with the knife in our hands, and not know what the hell just happened.

JOSHRUFFIN, an ASU and Metro Spirit alum, is a published journalist and poet,

who just received his MFA from Georgia College & State University. He was once the most un-‐intimidating bouncer at Soul Bar.

10MAY2012

CHILDREN’S LITERATURE QUIZ

Want to advertise in the Metro Spirit? 706.496.2535 or 706.373.3636

CONTENTS

quiz summer reading 04 - 50WAYS TO KEEPS YOUR KIDS READING ALL SUMMER - HOW TO READ TO A CHILD

latchkey kid

05

07

AmyChristian|production director amy@themetrospirit.com GabrielVega|lead designer gabe@themetrospirit.com

JoeWhite|publisher-sales manager joe@themetrospirit.com

LaurenRoman|account executive lauren@themetrospirit.com JohnnyBeckworth|circulation manager johnny@themetrospirit.com AmyPerkins|editorial intern ErinGarrett|photography intern JordanWhite|design intern LaurenDeVille|editorial intern MichaelJohnson|sightings

MAY 2012 | METRO AUGUSTA PARENT

2. Sam Gribley runs away to the Catskill Mountains, where he sets up housekeeping in a hollowed-‐ out tree, befriends a falcon and learns to live off the land like a true pioneer.

A) My Side of the Mountain by Jean Craighead George B) Mountain Top Mystery by Gertrude Chandler Warner C) Dread Mountain by Emily Rodda 3. Pod, Homily and Arrietty Clock are tiny people who live beneath the floorboards of a country house in England, scavenging household objects from the “human beans.” They face being exposed when a young boy and his ferret come to live in the house.

A) The Littles by John Peterson B) Teeny Tiny Ernest by Laura Barnes C) The Borrowers by Mary Norton 4. A pig named Wilbur, the runt of the litter, is saved from becoming dinner by an arachnid friend with an amazing talent for spinning webs.

A) Babe-‐The Gallant Pig by Dick King-‐Smith B) If You Give A Pig a Pancake by Laura Joffe Numeroff C) Charlotte’s Web by E.B. White

6. A story of a boy, his Bluetick hound pups, and coon hunting in the Ozarks that will leave even the most hardened reader reaching for the Kleenex box.

A) Shiloh Season by Phyllis Reynolds Naylor B) Where the Red Fern Grows by Wilson Rawls C) Old Yeller by Fred Gipson

EricJohnson|writer eric@themetrospirit.com

BrendaCarter|account executive brenda@themetrospirit.com

1. Sara Crewe, a wealthy, pampered little girl left by her father at an English boarding school, is orphaned, becomes destitute and is forced to work as the house servant until her circumstances are changed by a mysterious stranger.

A) Little Women by Louisa May Alcott B) A Little Princess by Frances Hodgson Burnett C) The Little Match Girl by Hans Christian Andersen

5. Siblings Lucy, Peter, Edmund and Susan find a door in the back of an old piece of furniture that leads them to another world, Narnia, where they find amazing adventures.

A) The Lion, the Witch and the Wardrobe by C.S. Lewis B) Escape to Witch Mountain by Alexander Key C) The Magic Treehouse by Mary Pope Osborne

COVER DESIGN | GABRIEL VEGA

Metro Spirit is a free newspaper published weekly on Thursday, 52 weeks a year. Editorial coverage includes local issues and news, arts, entertainment, people, places and events. In our paper appear views from across the political and social spectrum. The views do not necessarily represent the views of the publisher. Visit us at metrospirit.com.© 15 House, LLC. Owner/Publisher: Joe White. Legal: Phillip Scott Hibbard. Reproduction or use without permission is prohibited. One copy per person, please.

summer safety - SUMMER FIRST AID 101 - CHILDREN UNDER COVER

The East Central Georgia’s Summer Reading Program — Dream Big… Read for those up to age 12 and Own the Night for those ages 13-19 (heck they even have one for adults) — begins May 18 and continues until July 20. It’s one of the many ways (and we list more on page 4) to keep your kids reading all summer long. But how well do you know your kids literature?

Test your knowledge of classics both old and new to see how well you do. Maybe, if you don’t do so well, you should try the kids summer reading program this time around!

7. Twelve-‐year-‐old Claudia and her younger brother Jamie run away from home and live in the Metropolitan Museum of Art, where they bathe in the fountain and solve an art mystery surrounding a marble sculpture.

A) Magical Mondays at the Art Museum by Kathleen Reid B) Gaspard and Lisa at the Museum by Anne Gutman C) From the Mixed Up Files of Mrs. Basil E. Frankweiler by E.L. Konigsburg 8. Milo is bored beyond belief at his humdrum life until an object suddenly appears in his bedroom, allowing him entry to a strange world where he meets strange characters like the Whetherman and a dog named Tock.

A) A Wrinkle in Time by Madeleine L’Engle B) The Hobbit by J.R.R. Tolkien C) The Phantom Tollbooth by Norton Juster How Did You Do? 6-‐8 Correct-‐ You spent your childhood buried in a book!

4-‐5 Correct-‐ Time to renew your library card Less than 5 Correct-‐ Get thee to a Library!

Answers: 1. B, 2. A, 3. C, 4. C, 5. A, 6. B, 7. C, 8. C

o r t e m IRIT SP

METRO SPIRIT 05.10.12

3

50WAYS to Keep Your Kids Reading All Summer

If you’ d like to encourage your kids to read more (and watch less) this summer, try some of these tips 1. Go to the library every single week and give the kids an hour to find a book they want to take home. Don’t make them commit to reading it, just taking it home. Afterward, go get ice cream or fro-‐yo. Chances are they’ll read while they eat.

2. Go to a bookstore once a month and let each child buy one book. As their personal library grows, so will their love of books and owning them. When you own something, it takes root in your daily life.

3. Turn off the TV for at least two hours a day. Or limit the watching to two hours a day. It won’t kill them (or you) to turn the thing off.

4. Read out loud to your kids, no matter how old they are, unless they have moved out of the house and taken their furniture with them.

5. Read aloud at every meal.

6. Keep a book in the car. Read out loud when you are waiting at soccer games, sitting in the drive-‐thru or just stuck in the car.

7. Keep a list on the refrigerator of books the kids have read this year. If they want to add a comment, so much the better.

8. Don’t censor what kids read (within reason). If they’re on a Hunger Games jag, sooner or later they’ll run out of books and move on to something else.

9. Build kids’ listening stamina by reading in short bursts (three minutes) and building up gradually until you get to at least 30 minutes.

10. Don’t test kids on what they read. Share it, yes, but don’t give them the third degree or they’ll quit reading altogether.

11. Don’t have a fit if they abandon a book in the middle. They may go back to it, or it may not be the “right size” or it may be emotionally more than they can handle right now.

12. Ask the kids to read aloud to you while you drive, especially on long road trips.

13. Keep a reading journal that helps kids remember books.

Don’t ask them to do this on their own — do it for them.

14. Listen to CDs of favorite books or books they’d never be able to read on their own (they’re cheap at bookstores and

can be checked out from libraries). Download audio books on MP3 players. Heck, even let them borrow your Kindle every once in a while. Using electronic devices won’t deter them from picking up books… it just gives them more ways to enjoy them!

15. Help start a reading club for three other kids (plus yours) who are reading similar books. Treat them to pizza while they talk. Take them on trips to the bookstore. Help them write to the author.

16. Encourage kids research their favorite authors and, if they can find email of physical addresses, ask them to write letters telling them why they loved the books so much.

17. Set a good example and read every day.

18. Read picture books to your big kids, not just the little ones.

Try “Love You Forever” by Robert Munsch or “The Day My Dogs Became Guys” by Merrill Markoe.

19. Encourage kids to try their hand at illustration using examples like Jan Brett and Tomie de Paola.

20. Make reading fashionable every chance you get.

21. Make sure Dad reads to kids, too.

22. Strategically place books, magazines and other “light reading” in the bathroom.

23. Casually pile a large stack of books in front of the TV every day.

24. Rotate different titles to the top of the microwave so kids will read while they wait for the popcorn.

25. Read nonfiction aloud to your kids when they are interested in a topic like bears or earthquakes or bombs. Some kids hate fiction but may love nonfiction.

26. Take your kids to meet real live authors and illustrators at bookstores and libraries.

27. Read the book and then watch the movie. Gary Paulsen’s “Hatchet,” Wilson Rawls’ “Where the Red Fern Grows,” Louis Sachar’s “Holes,” and Natalie Babbitt’s “Tuck Everlasting” are just a few examples.

28. Don’t make kids look up hard words in the dictionary; tell them a synonym and keep going.

29. Reward reading with reading. When kids have read 10 books, go for a field trip to the bookstore, not pizza.

30. Read them junk, too. Joke books, riddles, cartoons all count.

31. Read them short little stories like One Minute Mysteries, Encyclopedia Brown stories or short stories.

32. Read funny stuff that they might have missed because it didn’t’ get published when they were reading in that “stage.”

Junie B. Jones series is too good for anybody to miss, and just because a kid is 10 doesn’t mean she won’t love it!

33. Talk about books over dinner, the way grownups do. You may find out that your kid is in love with Marguerite Henry books or biographies, and you might never have known it because they were busy doing the required reading for school.

34. Don’t get sucked into page-‐count wars with teachers. Just because a book doesn’t have a certain minimum number of pages doesn’t have anything to do with its literary merit.

35. Read Sue Denim’s “The Dumb Bunnies” series before you go on trips and then write (and illustrate) your own Dumb Bunnies books.

36. Before you go on a long road trip, read Marissa Moss’ “Amelia” books and then buy your kids composition books, colored pencils, Scotch tape and write every day while you rest up from the day’s travels.

37. Keep a book in your backpack or purse — word puzzles, jokes, little stories, riddles. You never know when you’ll need it.

38. Take books along when you go camping. Nothing better than reading while the rain pours down on the tent.

39. Provide comfy places for kids to read.

40. Cook with kids using books as the basis. Rachael Ray has some great cookbooks, divided into chapters by age groups.

41. Let kids draw while you read to them.

42. Read outdoors when the opportunity arises.

43. Share books while kids sip lemonade on a hot summer day.

44. Don’t read too fast; give the listeners places to enter into the material through pauses and spaces. And don’t be afraid to use funny, and different voices, for different characters.

45. Help kids compare and connect books and movies. How is Harry Potter like Luke Skywalker?

46. On a big wall map of the United States, help them add a pushpin to show where each book takes place. You’re teaching geography and literature together!

47. Invite other kids to join you on your jaunts to the library and bookstore.

48. Start a mother-‐daughter reading club or a mother-‐son reading adventure society to bring the world of books alive in a group of people.

49. Do art projects based on books. For inspiration, start with “The Rainbow Goblins” by Ul de Rico, and learn how to create similar color tableaux. Explore different media.

50. Go to library story times; there are lots of them, and other activities, during the summer. If your kids are “too old” to sit and listen, have them volunteer to help work with younger children.

HOW TO READ TO A CHILD Although the American Academy of Pediatrics “strongly recommends” that parents read to their children, only half of infants and toddlers are regularly read to by their parents. Is it any surprise, then, that more than 40 percent of fourth graders read below their grade level? Not only is reading a necessary skill for functioning in society, it also opens the door to a world of knowledge and information. Reading to your children is one of the most important things you can do to develop their young minds and prepare them for learning.

But it’s not just an important skill to develop, it’s also a good, and fun, way for parents and kids to spend time together. So experts say to make it a part of the family’s daily routine.

During the morning rush might not be the best time to sit down together and read, but a bedtime story is most parents’ go-to plan to lull their children to sleep at night. Don’t just limit reading to nightime, though; make reading together a fun transition into homework time or take a few impromptu minutes while dinner’s in the oven to pull out a book instead of turning on the television.

Depending upon the age of your child, there are a number of things to keep in mind when choosing a developmentally appropriate book. The way you interact with a child while reading will also differ, depending on his developmental level.

Infants to One Year Between six and 12 months, you’re merely introducing books to your little one.

Babies enjoy being held and listening to the sound of their parents’ voices.

At this age, babies have a short attention span. Baby may grab the book and chew on it. For now, simplicity is the name of the game. Sturdy board books are most appropriate, especially books small enough to fit in tiny hands. Look for books with only a few words per page, and those bright colors and faces, especially faces of other babies. Songs, rhymes and repetition are particularly appealing. When you’re reading to a child of this age, point to the pictures and name the words.

4

METRO SPIRIT 05.10.12

Young Toddlers Ages 1-­2 At this age, your toddler is becoming more independent. She may not want to sit still in your lap, and may prefer to wander while you read. She also might want to carry the book around with her. She can turn the pages, identify the pictures and begin to fill in words. Sturdy board books are still your best bet.

Look for simple stories about children performing everyday activities. Good night books are popular, as are books with animals. Rhymes and repetitive text are still engaging at this age. Allow your toddler to choose the book and encourage her to point at the objects. Don’t worry if you can’t get through a whole book. It’s perfectly normal for toddlers, whose attention spans are so short, to wander away and get involved in another activity.

Preschoolers, Ages 2-­3 At this age, your preschooler is starting to develop a longer attention span, as well as the ability to turn a paper page. He will develop favorite books or favorite characters, and may want to hear the same book over and over again.

He may also begin wanting to “read” the story back to you or to himself. Look for books with bright pictures and stories about the many milestones and achievements he is experiencing at this age, such as starting school, potty training, and relationships with siblings. Preschoolers enjoy stories that are easy to memorize that they can repeat back to you. And because they are starting to develop a sense of humor, books with funny pictures and silly stories are also appealing. Your reading style should be interactive at this age. Ask a lot of questions about the story. Let your child fill in familiar passages. This is also the age to begin trips to the library so your child can pick out books. Start to point out labels at the grocery store and words and letters on signs, showing your child that reading is part of everything.

Pre-­ or Early Readers, Ages 4-­5 It is an exciting time for children and books between the ages of four and five.

At this age, children are really beginning to listen to an entire story, and many are able to pick out individual letters or even follow along with the text. Counting

and alphabet books are good bets for your early reader, who develops confidence in his reading ability by being able to identify letters and numbers.

This is also the time to introduce more complex stories. Let your child choose the books you read. At this age, many children enjoy books about science and the natural world around them. While you’re reading, discuss the story and how it relates to your child and his own experiences. Ask your child how he would react in a similar situation to the book character. This brainstorming helps develop problem solving skills.

Young Readers, Ages 5-­8 Although your child is now reading on her own, that doesn’t mean you need to stop reading aloud. Most kids still enjoy spending time with their parents, and reading aloud is a good way to introduce a book that is still a little too difficult for her to tackle on her own. Other children may be excited to demonstrate their new reading skills and will choose to read aloud to you. Look for books that appear more grown up than picture books, but that still have short sentences and simple vocabulary to minimize her frustration. You can also suggest that she read to younger siblings, neighbors. Encourage her to develop a love of reading by finding books about her hobbies or areas of particular interest.

Older Readers, Ages 8-­12 As your child approaches the teenage years, books are one resource he may use to try and understand himself and the world around him as he grows up. Of particular interest to readers in this age group are books involving characters around their age that they can identify with. Books for older readers commonly address more serious topics, usually with a lighthearted tone. While you’re not likely to still be reading bedtime stories at this age, it doesn’t mean there are no opportunities for reading aloud. Bring books on car trips and take turns reading chapters aloud. Solicit your preteen’s help with writing out lists or letters. And just like with younger readers, if your child has a particular interest or hobby, find books on the subject to encourage him to keep reading.

METRO AUGUSTA PARENT | MAY 2012

FIRST AID

Summer101 Sunburns aren’t the only summer dangers parents have to be on the lookout for: bug bites, blisters and heat-‐related illnesses are just a few of the added pleasures that come with the season.

Fortunately, a little first aid know-‐how goes a long way in keeping kids safe and happy.

Who says school’s out for the summer? Welcome to Summer First Aid 101 — your primer on preventing and treating common summer afflictions.

The Creepy Crawlies

From those fire ants to mosquitoes, there are a lot of biting critters out there. The best way to fend off six-‐legged pests is to spray your kids with insect repellant containing DEET. Though high concentrations DEET may not be safe for young children, insect repellants with a DEET concentration of 30 percent or less are completely safe to use.

But even with bug spray chances are, your kids are going to have a few bug-‐induced welts to contend with. Luckily, most bug bites, while annoying, aren’t serious, says Dr. James Wilde, a pediatric emergency room physician at Georgia Health Sciences University.

“In most cases, bug bites don’t require medical attention,” he says. “Many insect bites will cause what we call a local reaction, meaning you get a little swelling or bump at the site of the bite.”

Localized pain and swelling does not indicate an allergy. Ant bites, in particular, often cause a lot of swelling, but that doesn’t mean your child is having allergic to bugs.

“When I get an ant bite, my whole arm swells up. That doesn’t mean true allergy,” Wilde says.

However, if bumps or hives begin to surface on other areas of the body, that may indicate an allergic reaction. You should seek medical attention. A more serious allergic reaction can result in a widespread rash, wheezing and a drop in blood pressure — symptoms that require immediate medical attention.

If your child does suffer from itchy, painful bites, reach for the Benadryl. “Use oral, not topical Benadryl, to relieve itching,” says Dr. Wilde. “Oral Benadryl is a systemic medication, meaning it’s going to get in your system and will help with the swelling and itching in most cases. Topical Benadryl is virtually a waste of money.”

Mosquito bites are as much a part of summer as outdoor barbecues. But if you’re worried about the West Nile Virus, don’t be. In fact, less than one percent of people infected with West Nile virus develop severe illness, and roughly 80 percent of people infected with West Nile do not have any symptoms and don’t require medical attention, according to the Centers for Disease Control.

Painful bee stings strike the most fear in children’s hearts, but bee stings, particularly those from honeybees, have actually become quite rare.

“You hardly ever see a honeybee anymore because they were wiped out in the United States by a parasite that was brought in about 10 years ago, so honeybee stings aren’t very common anymore,” Dr. Wilde says. “Most of the stings we see now are from wasps and yellow jackets.”

If a honeybee does sting your child, be sure to remove the stinger since leaving it there can cause infection. Other stinging critters like wasps, hornets and yellow jackets don’t leave anything behind, so you don’t have to worry about poking and prodding your child to remove stingers.

CHILDREN UNDER COVER

Chiggers, or red bugs, are another pest that can leave your kids itchy and miserable. Chiggers are the larvae of a type of mite found in tall grass and weeds. Chiggers attack people around the waist, the ankles or in warm skin folds, and their bites cause itchy, pimple-‐like bumps. Most chigger bites go away on their own. But like any insect bites, if the itchiness seems to persist, worsen or if you think your child is having an allergic reaction, pay a visit to the doctor. To prevent chigger bites, discourage kids from playing in berry patches, tall grasses, weeds and woodland edges where chiggers tend to hang out.

Eight-­Legged Monsters

While they may be scary to many kids, most spiders tend to stay away from people. And most spider bites are harmless and require the same home treatment as other insect bites.

“We get a lot of people who come in worried about spider bites,” Wilde says, “but there are really only two types of spiders we worry about in this region — black widows and brown recluses.”

Both of these spiders can cause more serious reactions.

“With the brown recluse, the bite is so innocuous, you may not even know you’ve been bitten,” says Wilde. “The effect is also mostly local. The primary problem we run into with brown recluses, which is really not common, is necrosis. You get skin or tissue breakdown because the spider injects enzymes that can digest the skin.”

The chances of getting bit by a recluse are very rare, and it’s even less likely that you’ll suffer from necrosis. Parents should know that brown recluses are not all that common in the Augusta area and are very shy animals that prefer to stay away from humans. Black widows are another spider you don’t want to tangle with. Its bite causes symptoms to appear more rapidly than a recluse’s does.

“Pain at the site of the bite is not unusual, but you can also get side effects like stiffness in muscles, fevers or breathing problems,” Wilde says. “If you think you’ve been bitten by a black widow, you should get medical attention. There are things we can do to reduce the side effects.”

The male black widow spider is harmless; it’s the female you should avoid. The female black widow is shiny black with a red hourglass shape on the underside of her belly. Black widows make their homes where they can string a web, such as the undersides of ledges, rocks, plants and debris. Cold weather and drought may make these spiders seek inside shelter, but finding a black widow in your home would not be common.

o r t e m IRIT SP

MAY 2012 | METRO AUGUSTA PARENT

Ticks

Your child returns from playing by the creek, and you find a tick the size of a sesame seed at the base of her scalp.

You immediately panic and think the tick has surely transmitted some hideous disease. In reality, though they may make you a bit squeamish, ticks are usually harmless. Still, it’s wise to do a tick check after your child has been hiking or spent time outdoors. Ticks often attach to the neck, scalp areas or by warm body folds.

If you find a tick, use pressure to pull the tick off and make sure you get the whole thing.

“You don’t want to break the tick’s head off from the body,” says Wilde.

Summer is here — time for lazy days at the lake. Boating, swimming, lounging around the pool and even running through a backyard sprinkler. Picnics, barbecues, trips to theme parks, outdoor sports. While the opportunity for exercise, fun and relaxation is a great thing, allowing your children to get too much sun can be a serious threat to their lifelong health. Do you know how to protect your family?

We all have memories of our own love-hate relationships with the sun, and most of us have a story to tell about one or two horrific sunburns. Isn’t that just a part of childhood? According to Dr. Jack Lesher, Jr., professor of dermatology at the Georgia Health Sciences University (GHSU), our own childhood sunburns account for the fact that most of us will have a bout of skin cancer at some point in our adult lives… more commonly earlier rather than later.

“Twenty years ago, it was very unusual to see skin cancer in anyone younger than their 40s or 50s,” he said. “Now, people in their late 20s, early 30s have skin cancer.”

The good news, though, is that we can spare our children the same fate.

“It’s believed that if you can protect your children’s skin from the sun until they’re 18, you can decrease the risk of skin cancer by 80 percent,” says Dr. Loretta Davis, professor of dermatology at GHSU. Protecting our children doesn’t have to mean keeping them inside forever, though.

“We know that people have to go out,” says Lesher. “We in the American Academy of Dermatology advise a multi-pronged approach to sun protection, with the ultimate goal of decreasing (the incidence of) skin cancer.”

Sunscreen: Not Just for Vacation Anymore. While many of us remember to pack the sunscreen in the beach bag, we don’t often think about it when our kids are playing in the yard at home. If you are going to be exposed to the sun, your skin needs to be protected, no matter what your skin type.

“Everybody needs sunscreen,” says Davis. “The reality is, if you’re a little more olive and can tan, that tan is still the body’s response to sun damage. There is no such thing as a safe tan. You’re aging your skin and increasing your risk for skin cancer. Even if you tan, that’s still indicative that sunlight damage is occurring. A tan is your body’s mechanism to protect itself from the sun. It’s telling your body, ‘I’m being damaged, give me a break!’”

The SPF, or sun protection factor, on sunscreen applies to UVB or burning rays of the sun.

“If you usually burn in one hour and use SPF 15, you could be out for 15 hours.

But you shouldn’t feel like, ‘I’m using my sunscreen, so I can do whatever I want,’” she says. “You can’t filter out everything. Use sunscreen, but stay out as much time as you would if you didn’t wear it. You’re still getting sun damage, even if you’re not pink at the end of the day.”

For most people, an SPF of 15 or higher is appropriate.

Don’t Leave Home Without It, Literally. Rather than waiting until you’re already in the sun, apply your family’s sunscreen before you ever leave the house.

“Sunscreen seems to work better if you do it beforehand, 20 to 30 minutes before you go out,” says Lesher. “It has a little more time to interact with your skin and do its thing.”

“It doesn’t make sense to take the sunscreen to the beach and put it on there,” agrees Dr. Davis. “By the time it works, that’s 30 minutes of sun exposure you’ve already gotten without protection.”

“And remember that if you’re perspiring enough, or in the water, you have to reapply sunscreen,” says Lesher. “Even if it’s waterproof.”

Davis suggests reapplying sunscreen every one to two hours, even if it’s an all-day formula. This is not a place to skimp, either. Experts recommend applying sunscreen generously, allowing it to soak into the skin. Though sunscreen is at the top of the list of ways to prevent sun damage, it doesn’t stop there.

“People need to realize that it’s just part of the program,” says Lesher.

Watch the Clock. Many of us former teen sun goddesses may recall setting a timer to make sure we spent an equal amount of time sunbathing on each side of our bodies. While keeping track of time is an important way to protect your family from over-exposure to the sun, that’s not exactly what the experts have in mind.

“Avoid the sun between 10 a.m. and 4 p.m.,” says Lesher. “That is when the sun’s rays are the strongest and most damaging.: “Kids need to be out in the sun, but it’s different than when I was a kid,” says Davis. “We’d go out in the morning and come back for dinner. You can’t do that anymore. You can be out, but it needs to be early and late. The important thing is to go out early in the day when it’s cool, then bring your kids back in for the hot part of the day, between 10 and three or four. Even with sunscreen, you still need to be indoors in the peak hours of the day.”

Wear Sun-Protective Clothing. There are a number of manufacturers who are selling summer clothing with UV protection. From sun hats to shirts, the fabric has been treated to resist UV rays. While these items may make your job a little easier, protecting your skin is as easy as keeping it covered.

“Wear tight-weaved white cotton clothing,” advises Lesher. “Wear a T-shirt at the beach.

You can protect yourself with a cotton long-sleeved shirt. And sit under an umbrella.”

“But remember that a white T-shirt, when wet, has no sun protection,” says

METRO SPIRIT 05.10.12

5

After removing the tick, the CDC recommends cleansing the area of the bite with antiseptic. And remember that insect repellant keeps these critters away as well. Wear shirts with long sleeves and pants tucked into boots as added protection if you plan on hiking through the woods.

Lyme disease is the most common tick-‐borne disease, but the chances of getting it in this region are relatively rare. Lyme disease is far more prevalent in the Midwest (particularly in Minnesota or Wisconsin) and in the Northeast. It’s also worth knowing that an infected tick must stay attached for at least 24 hours and be engorged or full of blood to transmit the disease.

If you find a tick on your child and are still worried, watch for the telltale sign of Lyme disease — a rash that looks like a bull’s eye.

In this part of the country, however, Rocky Mountain spotted fever is more likely. “This results in a very sick patient with a headache and a red, splotchy rash that starts on the hands and feet and spreads centrally,” Wilde says. “This is treatable, so if you’ve been bitten by a tick and have a fever, it’s worth it to get checked by a doctor.”

Swimmer’s Ear

Your child has been making a splash in the pool all summer long. Suddenly, he screams in pain when you gently tug or even touch his ear. He’s probably got a bad case of swimmer’s ear, caused when water washes away earwax and the normal bacteria that inhabit ears, changing the pH levels. “This allows for growth of another type of bacteria that causes most cases of swimmer’s ear,” Wilde says.

When it comes to this painful ailment, prevention is key.

There are drops that help prevent swimmer’s ear. Earplugs can also help keep the water out. And encourage kids to do that silly-‐looking dance where they hop on one foot and shake their heads to one side to dislodge trapped water from their ears.

There are over-‐the-‐counter eardrops that treat swimmer’s ear by restoring the proper pH levels and kill the bacteria, but if the pain persists for more than 24 hours, see a doctor.

Poison Ivy, Sumac and Oak

Rashes from poison ivy, oak or sumac are all caused by a substance in their sap called urushiol. Although poisonous plant rashes can’t be spread from person to person, it’s possible to get the rash from handling clothing, balls, pets and other things that have come into contact with urushiol.

If you suspect your child has handled a poisonous plant, wash the area with soap and water to remove the urushiol. This keeps the poison ivy, sumac or oak from spreading. But don’t just plunge your child into a bath. Taking a bath can spread the rash to other areas of the body since the urushiol floats on top of water. Hydrocortisone creams can help relieve the itching. If the rash worsens and continues to spread, see your pediatrician.

An oral medication or topical treatment can be prescribed for more severe cases to help alleviate itching and the redness.

Thankfully, scratching can’t spread the rash but to prevent infection, encourage kids not to scratch (easier said than done).

Slithering Snakes

Discovering your child has been bitten by a snake can be terrifying. When people think of venomous snakebites, they often fear death. But in reality, very few people die from snakebites.

“We have three types of snakes we worry about in this region — rattlesnakes, copperheads and water moccasins,” Wilde says, adding that copperheads and water moccasins are the most common in Augusta. “If you’re going to the beach, particularly in the Gulf, then you also need to be aware of coral snakes.”

Generally, venomous snakes in this region have a triangular-‐ shaped head with pits on the side. Because coral snakes are brightly striped, they are particularly dangerous to children.

6

METRO SPIRIT 05.10.12

Davis. “When they’re little, and while you can, keep them in clothing. You can Rattlesnakes have a rattle at the end of their tale. also buy these sun protection outfits — they’re more like ski outfits than Like in any emergency situation, it’s important to remain calm bathing suits. I put those on my kids until they were old enough to realize they if someone is bitten by a snake. were the only ones wearing them.”

“Snakebites often make people panic. When they panic, “And hats are a great idea, if you can get your kids to wear them,” says Davis.

“We see women especially with skin cancers on their part line. Men are more they hyperventilate. When they hyperventilate, they’ll get this likely to get skin cancers on their ears because baseball caps don’t cover ears.” feeling of numbness in their fingers and toes and that makes them think, ‘Oh my gosh. I really did get venom,’” says Wilde.

Don’t Get Too Cocky. Even if you think you’ve taken all the precautions, there are “Then they get more panicky. Even if they did get a little bit some common misconceptions that leave many people burned. Remember that of venom, the more panicky you are, the more the venom is even if it’s cloudy outside, the sun is still out. You still need sunscreen and you can still burn. going to be spread. You need to keep the victim calm.”

And likewise, the sun’s rays can reflect off other surfaces and reach you, even if Don’t let the bite victim do a lot of running or walking, and you’re in the shade. aim to get the child medical attention within 15 minutes of “People think that if they’re in the shade, they’re protected,” says Davis. “But the bite. If you’re not close to a medical facility, skip the John sun reflects off sand, water or white concrete and comes back out at you. Shade Wayne cowboy remedies like sucking the poison out or cutting is helpful, but it’s no guarantee that you’re protected from the sun.” the skin.

Tanning Is Not A Competitive Sport. “There’s still too much attention paid to Once you arrive at the hospital, your child will be given immediate gain,” says Lesher. “It’s been ingrained in adults that having a tan an antivenin. These medicines help counteract and offset the looks good. And with that background in parents, it’s difficult to train kids. We venom’s dangerous effects. need to educate them all that pale is better. But it’s hard to battle.”

As long as victims get fairly prompt medical treatment, “Some sun is good. It’s necessary for your psyche and it makes you feel good,” says Davis. “But tan as a cosmetic goal is wrong thinking,” she says. “Pale is they have an excellent prognosis. But the best prevention for in. Whatever God made you. Whatever your genetic makeup snakebites is teaching kids to avoid snakes altogether. happens to be. Vogue models are very pale, but The vast majority of snakebites occur on society hasn’t caught on. That should be a fingers, hand or feet when people trend setter, but Middle America hasn’t go looking for snakes and try to figured it out yet.”

While both doctors disturb or handle them. Talk acknowledge the to kids about the dangers of importance of spending snakes and teach them HAPPY MOTHER’S DAY! time outdoors, they to respect the snake’s both strongly While the kids are out with Dad trying to find the perfect habitat. advise against

Heat Illness

Mother’s Day gift for you, what are you going to do for your mom, not to mention your mother-in-law? Well, if you want to feel like a kid again, why not check out the Mother’s Day Make and Take, taught by Master Gardener Mary Louise Hagler, who will help participants create a floral design in a silver plate bowl. There’s a session today, Thursday, May 10, from 10 a.m.-noon, but pre-registration is required so you better get on it. If that’s not going to happen there’s another tomorrow, Friday, May 11, from 7-9 p.m. Both are at Midtown Market and are $65, which includes materials, supplies, snacks and more. Call 706-836-2671 or email

The summertime heat and high levels of humidity put children at risk for heat-‐related illness. There are two main types of heat-‐related illness michgarden@comcast.net.

— heat exhaustion and heatstroke.

Symptoms for heat exhaustion include dizziness, weakness, cramps, nausea and headache. If you recognize any of these symptoms in a child, first try to cool him off. To chill him out fast, place ice packs on his neck, groin area and underarm. Also give him fluids to drink.

Heatstroke is a more serious condition, resulting from excessive exposure to heat. It can result in unconsciousness or paralysis and demands immediate medical attention. Signs of heatstroke include confusion, dizziness and the inability to sweat. In severe cases, CPR may be necessary. Kids are more at risk for heat illness when playing sports or being active in the heat for an extended period of time.

To prevent heat-‐related illness, keep children from playing outside for long hours during the hottest times of the day, from noon until about 6 p.m. Kids should wear cool, lightweight clothing and should load up on fluids — just water for any activity lasting and hour or less; alternate water and sports drinks for activities lasting more than one hour. Watch for any signs of heat illness and monitor their outdoor activity.

Summer is a treasured season for kids, and they deserve to chase fireflies, frolic in water and ramble outdoors. So enjoy your summer together. Take some safety precautions and you’ll likely avoid this season’s health hazards before they even strike.

o metIrRIT SP

the concept of intentionally tanning your skin. Tanning beds should also be avoided, say both doctors.

“The tanning bed agencies don’t want us to say it, but it’s no different than smoking,” says Davis. “We know smoking causes cancer. We know sun causes cancer.

There’s no such thing as a safe tan. And we’re starting to see sun cancer in some funny places (that would normally be covered in regular sun exposure).”

Convincing the Kids. When they’re preschoolers, it’s not real complicated. You tell them to stand still, and you smear on the sunscreen. But once they get a little older, and especially once they hit the preteen and teenage years, it can be difficult to continue protecting their skin from UV damage.

“They’re not going to put something on that they don’t like,” says Davis. “But sunscreen comes in a variety of forms — gels, sprays, lotions. Get something they like. Choose the vehicle that makes for compliance. Teenagers with acne may not like the idea of sunscreen, afraid it will make their skin worse. If you have acne, you want to use sunscreen that’s non-comedogenic or non-acnegenic.”

“Teenagers think brown is attractive,” says Lesher. “That’s partly why it’s difficult to get the message across, because they’re getting out of parental control. But I heard someone suggest that there has to be a change in attitude.

Parents should be seeing sunburn as a punishable offense like staying out late or misbehavior.”

“If they feel like they look healthier or prettier with a tan, use a self-tanning product. A fake tan is perfectly safe. Just find the right product — they don’t have to be expensive. But remember, they don’t offer any protection from the sun and are totally cosmetic, so you still require sunscreen,” says Davis. “There is no way to sunbathe safely.”

So whether it’s an afternoon at the pool or the neighborhood block party, by using sunscreen effectively, watching the time spent outdoors, and protecting our children’s skin with clothing as much as possible, there are definite steps we can take to protect their skin from much of the harmful UV rays that cause skin cancer.

METRO AUGUSTA PARENT | MAY 2012

LATCHKEY KID

The Human Condition and Neurotic Fathers The human condition has fascinated me since long before I manufactured my own muddled definition of the term. I believe I understood that it encompassed humanity and was one of the few and ever-‐fading topics that did not insist on reducing itself to a focus on gender, race or class and eagerly searching for ways to further divide us as a people. So as a vaguely unifying concept, I was drawn.

Prior to becoming a father, it never occurred to me I would have any interest in being one. Although I had convinced myself that for the most part I was a decent enough sort, I also recognized that I was (and likely still am) incredibly selfish. Such was a region of my human condition. I liked my time; my things; my ability to set a schedule. It seemed to me that a child would do little more than complicate those petty preferences. How would I ever put me on hold long enough to tend to the never-‐ending needs of a little one?

Now when I say human condition, I don’t mean the human condition in grand philosophical terms or schemes — primarily because such things bore me to the point of wanting to cut myself. I’m simply interested in the way some stuff works. Or doesn’t work. I’m fascinated by what happens to us and for us and because of us.

The way we process things and then subsequently deal (or don’t deal) with them.

Prior to 2001 B.E. (Before Emerson), the idea of fatherhood was neither grand nor of philosophical interest to me. I liked children well enough. Just not well enough to want one of my own. In the simplest terms, it would have seemed unfair to a child. My, but with what speed and precision the human condition changes. And with the wondrous changes come deeper questions. The human condition is the forever riddle, and I love it and curse it and love it more. My pseudo-‐psychological musing doesn’t neatly knot itself with Emerson is born and the narrator learns that fatherhood is the greatest gift ever before moving on to the next puzzle. Not at all.

I can say with a clear conscious that from the moment my son was born, I’ve not once put my needs or desires before his. His birth and my time with him have been every clichéd perfection times a centillion. The Boy’s needs have gladly been given priority. To my way of thinking, that is how it should be. It is not sacrifice but responsibility. Along the way, there have been some missed shows, a few postponed events that were of some import to others, even some compromised friendships here and there. In return, those moments became additional time spent with my Boy and included intangible things that if missed would have been forever lost. Unknown. I’ll take that trade all day every day.

A wiser man would likely accept this for the gift it is and leave it at that. But I have an unfortunate aptitude for complicating things. The human condition dictates — apparently — that no thing is so simple as it appears. This is no surprise to someone with a bagful of neuroses. As such, I have managed to consider the human condition and now question the very priorities I have carefully set and to which I have adhered for more than a decade.

Clearly, I just look for things to worry about. But it does make a certain sense after examining my actions to wonder if I’ve perhaps mismanaged some of this business. I find myself wondering if I’ve disregarded common sense entirely. If, in prioritizing as I do, I have done the Boy a splendid disservice. The world does not operate in such a manner. Regular guys have to wait in line like everyone else. And disappointment is as good for the soul as pure contentment — it is an absolute necessity.

When I wonder whether it might be unhealthy for Emerson to realize he is the center of my universe, I remember something my mother once told me: It’s not possible to love your child too much. And that is exactly right. I believe I’ve done a respectable job of letting Emerson know that simply because he is the center of my universe, he most certainly is not the center of the universe. I’ve seen kids who appear to believe they are.

And I often think how devastating it must be for them when they learn the truth.

The reality is, priorities are ever-‐evolving. I’m learning that to be a better father I will have to occasionally put myself first. The concept is not much different from a flight attendant explaining that in an emergent situation adults should affix their own oxygen masks first and then their child’s. It’s fairly straightforward: you have to take care of yourself if you are to have any hope of taking care of your child.

The human condition. Prioritizing. Questioning. Second-‐guessing. Learning.

Acceptance. This parenting business is complex. And it is the single most rewarding thing I’ve experienced. Unlike most things, it truly is that simple.

RYANBURKHOLDER, a 40-‐something former latchkey kid who lived in Augusta for 30 years, now calls Nashville, Tennessee, home, where he lives with his 10-‐year-‐old son Emerson and their 17-‐year-‐old cat Potter. Happily divorced, he works in the communications department for a large healthcare company and describes himself as apolitical, an “unfortunate packrat who despises clutter” and a First Amendment purist. He loves small-‐batch bourbons, good cigars and exotic food (including Waffle House), but dislikes warm beer and most people in grocery stores. “I’ve also sat proudly atop the aged Army tank at Pendleton King Park at least 100 times,” he says.

MAY 2012 | METRO AUGUSTA PARENT

METRO SPIRIT 05.10.12

7

8

METRO SPIRIT 05.10.12

METRO AUGUSTA PARENT | MAY 2012

ARE YOU NOT ENTERTAINED

A special thanks to Fort Gordon and FYI Magazine for sharing this story with the Metro Spirit.

Marine Mud Challenge | Fort Gordon | Saturday, May 12 | Children’s Challenge, 8 a.m.; Marine Mud Challenge, 9 a.m. | marinemudchallenge.eventbrite.com

R.U.N.E

BY: GUNNY

V23|NO19

In September of 2007, three other Marines and I participated in the USMC Mud Run in Columbia, S.C. It was, as you can imagine an event that involved running, obstacles and, of course, mud. My team took a bold step and ran in suits we had bought from the Salvation Army. We were quite the sight.

The course was incredibly hard, but we had the time of our lives. On the ride back from Columbia we started talking about why Fort Gordon didn’t have an event like this. We approached Jerry Swain, the Fort Gordon MWR special events coordinator, and asked him why we had to drive 70 miles to have this much fun. We told him that we had Marines that wanted to organize and coordinate the event. We needed help obtaining the authorization, the funds and materials to make the Marine Mud Challenge a reality.

Swain helped us put together a proposal and got us a meeting with the decision makers of MWR. They agreed that this was an event that should be aboard Fort Gordon and we began to aggressively plan the event.

We worked with DPW to find an area that would be suitable for the course.

They directed us to the current location because of the ease of construction and availability of existing fire breaks and roads. We put together the official request for use of the area and began planning the route and obstacles.

We began brainstorming and sketching obstacles, sometimes on napkins at lunch. The budget for obstacles the first year was incredibly small, less than $1,800 for all 14 obstacles. The Marines spent hundreds of their off-time manhours clearing the trails and building the course. I even pushed a lawnmower down most of the four miles of trails to knock down the waist-high weeds. The Youth Challenge Academy (YCA) let us have some telephone poles to create many of the obstacles. The Marines carried the 30-40 foot telephone poles and dug the holes by hand.

Obstacle three, the Mini Stairway, was the first obstacle completed and is still used on the course.

Jimmy Wagner has been involved from the start and has dug the big pit every year. The enthusiasm he displays as he maneuvers the bulldozer is infectious. We have to hold Jimmy back every year; otherwise the big pit could easily turn into an Olympic size swimming pool. Finally, we spoke with the fire department about getting help filling our pits with water and providing a vehicle for the wash-down point. They have supported us and they were the ones that suggested using the hose at the big pit on race day. We are so glad they did!

The joy and the looks of confidence we see in each of your faces as you cross the finish line this Saturday is why we put in all the time and effort to make the event happen. The event is called the Marine Mud Challenge, but it is far from an individual effort. This Marine Mud Challenge is truly an example of what can happen when Fort Gordon comes together as a team to create an event that the entire community can enjoy together.

10MAY2012

AUGUSTA’S INDEPENDENT VOICE SINCE 1989

METROSPIRIT 23

V23|NO19

ENTERTAIN

ME

Arts

Day of Art, hosted by the North Augusta Artists Guild, is each Tuesday from 11 a.m.-3 p.m. at the Arts and Heritage Center and includes a group of artists painting in the center who will answer questions or allow visitors to join in. Call 803-441-4380 or visit artsandheritagecenter.com.

Exhibitions

The History of the Chinese Community in Augusta, an award-winning show of photographs and memorabilia, will open on Saturday, May 12, at noon at the Headquarters Branch Library with a collection of oral histories from the Chinese Consolidated Benevolent Association of Augusta. Call 706-821-2600 or visit ecgrl.org.

Georgia Brooks: A Moment in Time shows at the Arts and Heritage Center of North Augusta through June 1.

The North Augusta resident’s paintings reflect her live during America’s civil rights movement. Call 803-4414380 or visit artsandheritagecenter.com.

David Mascaro Studio Group Exhibit, featuring the work of Yong Ae Alford, Cathy Armstrong, Mary Ann Brock, Carolyn Bohn, Sharon Fausnight, Linda B. Hardy, Miriam Katz, Linda Lavigne, David Mascaro and Sue Porterfield, will be on display through June 29 at Sacred Heart Cultural Center. Call 706-826-4700 or visit sacredheartaugusta.org.

Golden Afternoon: English Watercolors from the Elsley Collection shows through July 1 at the Morris Museum of Art. Call 706-724-7501 or visit themorris.org.

Window on the West: Views from the American Frontier, an exhibition of more than 60 paintings and works on paper from artists including Frederick Remington, Karl Bodmer and John James Audubon, shows at the Morris Museum of Art through July 22. Call 706-724-7501 or visit themorris.org.

Music

The Aiken Bluegrass Festival, benefit the Star Riding Center, is Friday, May 11, at 4 p.m. and Saturday, May 12, at 2 p.m. and features Larry Keel, Iron Horse, Doug & The Henrys, Steel Drivers, Della Mae and the Harlan County Hoe Drivers. Held at the Highlands Event Center, the event also features on-site vending and camping and a kids area. $10-$50. Visit aikenbluegrassfestival.org.

Moonlight Music Cruise featuring Morris Davidson is Friday, May 11, at 7 p.m. at the Augusta Canal.

Participants are invited to bring snacks and drinks to the one and a half hour Petersburg Boat cruise. $25.

Call 706-823-0440 or visit augustacanal.com.

20th Anniversary Celebration of the Augusta Children’s Chorale is Friday-Saturday, May 11-12, at the Kroc Center. Call 706-826-4718 or visit augustachildrenschorale.org.

A Tribute to Bob Dylan, featuring local musicians with the Vellotones as the backing band, is Saturday, May 12, at 7 p.m. at Laura’s Backyard Tavern. A benefit for the 12 Bands of Christmas supporting pediatric cancer, participating musicians include George Croft, Ken and Mindy Stephens, Joe Stevenson, Allison Foster, and Charlie Knox. $5 admission; $5 for food.

A meet and great with the musicians is at 6 p.m. Visit 12bands.org.

Pops! Under the Stars, a free Symphony Orchestra Augusta concert, is Saturday, May 12, at 7:30 p.m. at the Lady Antebellum Pavilion. Visit unversityhealth.org.

2012 Mother’s Day Festival featuring Anthony Hamilton, Maze and Frankie Beverly is Sunday, May 13, at 5 p.m. at the James Brown Arena. $57-$67. Call 877-4AUGTIX or visit georgialinatix.com.

Lakeside High School and Lunar Octopus perform as part of Garden City Jazz’s Candlelight Jazz Series 24 METROSPIRITAUGUSTA’S INDEPENDENT VOICE SINCE 1989

Larry Keel headlines the Aiken Bluegrass Festival this Friday and Saturday, May 11-12, at the Highlands Event Center.

Star ting Friday at 4 p.m. and Saturday at 2 p.m., tickets for the event are $10-$50. Visit aikenbluegrassfestival.org. on Sunday, May 13, at the 8th Street River Stage downtown at 8 p.m. $6. Visit gardencityjazz.com.

A D’Oyly Carte Evening: Music of Gilbert & Sullivan, presented by the Augusta Opera, is Thursday, May 17, at 7:30 p.m. at the Sacred Heart Cultural Center. $35$45. Visit theaugustaopera.com.

The Salvation Army School of the Performing Arts holds classes each Tuesday. Included is instruction in piano, drums, guitar, voice and brass. Call 706-3644069 or visit krocaugusta.org.

Literary

Stephanie Dale, author of “My Pilgrim’s Heart,” will talk about her book and travel at the Headquarters Branch Library on Tuesday, May 15, at 6 p.m. Free.

Call 706-821-2600 or visit egrl.org.

Talk the Talk Ladies’ Book Club, featuring “As the Sycamore Grows” by Jennie Helderman, meets Tuesday, May 15, at 6:30 p.m. at the Headquarters Branch Library. Call 706-821-2600 or visit ecgrl.org.

Brown Bag Book Club, to discuss “State of Wonder”

by Ann Patchett, is Thursday, May 17, at 11:30 a.m. at the Columbia County Library. Call 706-863-1946 or visit ecgrl.org.

Book Club meeting, to discuss “Savannah Blues” by Mary Kay Andrews, is Thursday, May 17, at 4 p.m. at the Harlem Branch Library. Call 706-556-9795 or visit ecgrl.org.

It’s Your Book Club, featuring author Steve Pemberton who, by Skype, will discuss his memoir “A Chance in the World, is Thursday, May 17, at 6:30 p.m. at the Headquarters Branch Library. Call 706-821-2600 or visit ecgrl.org.

Porter Fleming Literary Competition Submissions are being accepted now through July 13. The competition is open to authors ages 18 and old from Georgia, Florida, Alabama, South Carolina and North Carolina, and categories include fiction, nonfiction, poetry and plays. Prizes totaling $7,000 will be awarded. Entry forms and guidelines can be found at themorris.org/ porterfleming.html.

Nook tutorials at Barnes and Noble in the Augusta Mall are each Saturday beginning at noon, followed by a Nookcolor tutorial at 12:30 p.m. Free. Call 706-7370012 or visit bn.com.

Dance

DanceFair, an evening of dance and music, is FridaySaturday, May 11-12, at 6 p.m. at the Augusta Ballet School. The event features music by Savannah River Brassworks, sculptures by Kathy Girdler Engler, raffle drawing on Saturday night, silent auctions both nights and refreshments. $40. Call 706-733-5511.

Tango Night is every Thursday, 7-9:30 p.m., at Casa Blanca Cafe, 936 Broad Street. Call 706-504-3431 or visit casablancatime.com.

Belly Dance Class is every Tuesday at 6 p.m. at Euchee Creek Branch Library. Pre-registration required. Call 706-556-0594 or visit ecgrl.org.

Augusta International Folk Dance Club meets Tuesday nights from 7:30-9:30 p.m. at the Augusta Ballet Studio on 2941 Walton Way. No partners needed. First visit free. Call 706-399-2477.

Theater

“Game Show,” a production of the Fort Gordon Dinner Theatre, shows May 11-12, 18-19 and 24-26. Dinner is at 7 p.m., with the show starting at 8 p.m. $25-$40.

Reservations required. Call 706-793-8552 or visit fortgordon.com.

“Avenue Q” shows May 11-12, 18-19 and 24-26 at 8 p.m. at Le Chat Noir. Call 706-722-3322 or visit lcnaugusta.com.

Flix

“She Wore a Yellow Ribbon,” part of the Films on Friday series, shows Friday, May 11, at noon at the Morris Museum of Art. After the movie, museum director Kevin Grogan will lead a discussion.

Participants are invited to bring lunch. Free. Call 706724-7501 or visit themorris.org.

“Dr. Strangelove or How I Learned to Stop Worrying and Love the Bomb” shows Friday, May 11, at 7 p.m. at the Imperial Theatre. The free event, presented by the Savannah River Section of the American Chemical

Society, includes and after-screening discussion of the content and the way science was portrayed in the movie. Call 706-722-8341 or visit imperialtheatre.com.

“Take Shelter” shows Tuesday, May 15, at 6:30 p.m. at the Headquarters Branch Library. Call 706-821-2600 or visit ecgrl.org.

Special Events

Mother’s Day Make and Take, taught by Master Gardener Mary Louise Hagler, who will help participants create a floral design in a silver plate bowl, is Thursday, May 10, from 10 a.m.-noon, and Friday, May 11, from 7-9 p.m. at Midtown Market. $65 registration includes materials, supplies, snacks and more. Pre-registration required. Call 706-836-2671 or email michgarden@comcast.net.

Judy Garland: The Dressing of a Legend, couture from the collection of Michael Siewart, is a Westobou Festival one-day exhibition and lecture on Thursday, May 10, at Sacred Heart Cultural Center. A luncheon, $45, is from 11 a.m.-1 p.m. and an evening cocktail party, $65, is from 6-9 p.m. The exhibition includes pieces from Garland’s film costumes, wardrobe and personal effects. Call 706-755-2878 or visit westoboufestival.com.

A Wine Evening in the Garden, a Tasters Guild event, is Friday, May 11, at 6 p.m. at the home of Mary Alice and Bear Woodrum in North Augusta. Appetizers and wine will be provided, and participants should bring an appetizer to share. $20, members; $26, non-members. Pre-paid pre-registration required. Call 803-279-9522 or visit wineworldsc.com.

Earth Fest 2012 is Saturday, May 12, from 10 a.m.-2 p.m. at the Columbia County Amphitheatre and includes a raptor flight show at noon, a butterfly release at 1:30 p.m., vendors, crafts, games and more. No pets allowed.

Call 706-312-7195 or visit columbiacountyga.gov.

Mead Hall Strawberry Festival is Saturday, May 12, from 10 a.m.-3 p.m. at the Aiken school and features games, entertainment, a bake sale, food and more.

Call 803-644-1122.

2012 Psychic Fair is Saturday, May 12, from 3-8 p.m. at Brigan’s Land of Enchantment of Broad Street. Events 10MAY2012

V23|NO19

include a variety of divination, reiki and more. Admission is free; readings are $5 for five minutes or $15 for 15 minutes. Proceeds benefit Augusta Pagan Pride.

Surreal Gala featuring the Augusta Ballet is Saturday, May 12, at 7 p.m. at GHSU’s College of Dental Medicine. Paying tribute to the surrealist art movement of the 1920s, the event will feature a themed menu, live music, dancing and silent auctions. Black-tie optional. $75-$125. Call 706-261-0555 or visit augustaballet.org.

The Cotton Ball, presented by Historic Augusta, is Thursday, May 17, from 6:30-9:30 p.m. in the gardens of the home of Kate and Trav Paine, 820 Milledge Road. The event will feature dinner from Outback Steakhouse, dessert from Neapolitan Cupcake and Gift Shoppe, a cash bar, mint juleps, music by the Unmentionables and a raffle. Free for members; $50-$75 for non-members to join. Preregistration encouraged. Call 706-724-0436 or visit historicaugusta.org.

Weekly Wine Tastings at Vineyard Wine Market in Evans are each Friday from 4:30-6:30 p.m. and each Saturday from 1-6 p.m. Call 706-922-9463 or visit vine11.com.

The Augusta Market at the River is every Saturday through October 27 from 8 a.m.-2 p.m. at the 8th Street Bulkhead and features produce, arts and crafts and more for sale, as well as live music and entertainment. Call 706-627-0128 or visit theaugustamarket.com.

Health

Is It Time for Joint Surgery?, a free discussion led

by David Gallagher, is Thursday, May 10, at noon at Doctors Hospital. Includes a light lunch. Preregistration required. Call 706-651-4343 or visit doctors-hospital.net.

Car Seat Class, sponsored by GHSU’s Children’s Medical Center, is Thursday, May 10, at 5:45 p.m. $10.

Pre-registration required. Call 706-721-7606 or visit georgiahealth.org/kids.

Surgical Weight-Loss Information Seminar is Thursday, May 10, at 6 p.m. at Aiken Regional Medical Center’s sixth floor classrooms A and B. Pre-registration required. Call 803-641-5751 or visit aikenregional.com.

Weight Loss Surgery Seminary, sponsored by GHSU, is Thursday, May 10, at 7 p.m. at the Columbia County Library in Evans. Free, but pre-registration required.

Call 706-721-2609 or visit georgiahealth.org/ weightloss.

Women’s Center Tour is Thursday, May 10, at 7 p.m. at University Hospital. Free, but pre-registration required.

Call 706-774-2825 or visit universityhealth.org.

Baby Care Basics and Breastfeeding Class is Saturday, May 12, from 9 a.m.-noon at Trinity Hospital of Augusta. Pre-registration required. Call 706-4817727 or visit trinityofaugusta.com.

Childbirth Tour is Saturday, May 12, at 10:30 a.m. at GHSU. Pre-registration required. Call 706-721-9351 or visit georgiahealth.org.

Adolescent Health Awareness Day, in celebration of Teen Pregnancy Prevention Month, is Monday, May 14, from 9 a.m.-4 p.m. at the Richmond Health Department. Pre-registration required. Call 706-6674283 or email mbstacy@dhr.state.ga.us.

Breast Self-Exam Class is Monday, May 14, at 4 p.m. at University Hospital’s Breast Health Center.

Pre-registration required. Call 706-774-4141 or visit universityhealth.org.

Childbirth Preparation Classes at University Hospital are held Mondays, May 14-June 11; Tuesdays, May 15-29; and Wednesdays, May 16-June 16 from 7-9:30 10MAY2012

p.m. Pre-registration required. Call 706-774-2825 or visit universityhealth.org.

at 5:30 p.m. at GHSU’s Cancer Center. Call 706-7214109 or visit georgiahealth.org.

Delivering Value in Public and Preventative Health, a conference and public forum, is Tuesday, May 15, from 8:30 a.m.-5:30 p.m. at the Kroc Center. The keynote speaker will be Dr. Georges Benjamin, executive director of the American Public Health Association.

Pre-registration required. Call 706-721-7720 or email llachance@georgiahealth.edu.

Cancer Survivor Support Group is Thursday, May 10, at 6 p.m. at Augusta Oncology Associates. Call 706-6512283 or visit doctors-hospital.net.

Total Joint Replacement Class is Tuesday, May 15, at 1 p.m. at University Hospital. Call 706-774-2760 or visit universityhealth.org.

Pink Magnolias Breast Cancer Support Group meets Monday, May 14, at 6:30 p.m. at University Hospital’s Breast Health Center. Call 706-774-4141 or visit universityhealth.org.

Prepare to Be Moved: A Seminar and Screening of Bioness Equipment is Tuesday, May 15, at 5:30 p.m. at Walton Rehabilitation Hospital’s gym. Pre-registration required. Call 706-823-5231 or visit wrh.org.

Breastfeeding Class is Tuesday, May 15, at 6 p.m. at Aiken Regional Medical Centers. $5; pre-registration required. Call 800-322-8322 or visit aikenregional.com.

Top Health Threats to Women, a lecture presented by Dr. Judith Hoover, is Tuesday, May 15, at 6 p.m. at USCAiken’s Business Conference Center, room 122. Call 800-322-8322 or visit aikenregional.com.

Free Skin Cancer-Melanoma Screenings are available by appointment Thursday, May 17, from 6:30-8 p.m. at University Hospital’s Breast Health Center. Call 706774-4141 or visit universityhealth.org.

Breastfeeding Class is Thursday, May 17, at 7 p.m. at Babies R Us in Evans. Pre-registration required. Call 706-774-2825 or visit universityhealth.org.

Child Safety Seat Inspections and Car Seat Class, sponsored by Safe Kids East Central, are offered by appointment at either the Safe Kids Office or MartinezColumbia Fire Rescue. Call 706-721-7606 or visit georgiahealth.org/safekids.

Joint Efforts, presented by Trinity Hospital of Augusta, meets every Thursday from 11-11:45 a.m. at Augusta Bone and Joint, and features a free seminar about knee and hip pain, treatments, medication, food and exercise.

Call 706-481-7604 or visit trinityofaugusta.com.

Infant CPR Anytime Learning Program will be held Thursdays at 6:30 p.m. at the first floor information desk (west entrance) of Georgia Health Sciences University. Visit georgiahealth.edu.

Multiple Sclerosis and Parkinson Disease Aquatics Class meets every Monday and Friday at noon at the Wilson Family Y. Free for members; $3 for nonmembers. Pre-registration required. Call Claudia Collins at 706-922-9664 or visit thefamilyy.org.

Heart Attack and Stroke Prevention Orientation is every Monday at 6 p.m. and Tuesday at 2 p.m. at University Hospital’s Heart & Vascular Institute (Classroom 3). Call 706-774-5548 or visit universityhealth.org.

Adapted Wii Special Populations available by appointment at the Wilson Family Y, and feature individual ½-hour classes for physically and developmentally challenged individuals of all ages. $10, members; $20, non-members. Call Claudia Collins at 706-922-9662 or visit thefamilyy.org.

Support

ALS Support Lunch and Learn is Thursday, May 10, from 11 a.m.-2 p.m. at GHSU’s Medical Office Building.

Pre-registration required. Call 706-721-2681 or visit georgiahealth.org.

Living Well with Diabetes Adult Support Group meets Thursday, May 10, at 5 p.m. at University Hospital. Call 706-868-3241 or visit universityhealth.org.

Breast Cancer Support Group meets Thursday, May 10,

Brain Injury Support Group meets Thursday, May 10, at 6 p.m. at NeuroRestorative Georgia. Call 706-8290370 or visit wrh.org.

Men’s Breast Cancer Support Group meets Monday, May 14, at 7 p.m. at University Hospital’s Breast Health Center. Call 706-774-4141 or visit universityhealth.org.

Prostate Cancer Support Group meets Tuesday, May 15, at 6 p.m. at GHSU’s Cancer Center. Call 706-7210550 or visit georgiahealth.org.

Prostate Cancer Support Group meets Tuesday, May 15, at 7 p.m. at Augusta Technical College’s Building 600, room 612. Call 706-868-8758 or visit universityhealth.org.

Blood Cancer/BMT Suppor t Group meets Wednesday, May 16, at 11:30 a.m. at GHSU’s Cancer Center. Call 706-721-9134, 706-721-1634 or visit georgiahealth.org.

Trauma Support Group meets Wednesday, May 16, at noon at GHSU’s Medical Center. Call 706-721-4633, 706-721-3264 or visit georgiahealth.org.

Cancer Support Group, for those with cancer and immediate family members, is Wednesday, May 16, at noon at Aiken First Baptist Church’s parlor. Call 803641-5389 or visit aikenregional.com.

Spine Education and Support Group meets Wednesday, May 16, at 1 p.m. at University Hospital. Call 706-7742760 or visit universityhealth.org.

Look Good, Feel Better Cancer Support Group for women meets Thursday, May 17, at 5:30 p.m. at GHSU’s Cancer Center. Pre-registration required. Call 706-721-0466 or visit georgiahealth.org.

Skip to My Lupus meets Thursday, May 17, at 7 p.m. at Aiken Regional Medical Center’s Dining Room A. Call 803-251-9413 or visit aikenregional.com.

Narcotics Anonymous, sponsored by Trinity Hospital of Augusta, meets Fridays and Sundays at 7:30 p.m. Call 706-855-2419 or visit trinityofaugusta.com.

AA meets every Sunday and Wednesday at 7:15 p.m. at Aiken Regional Medical Center (Aurora Pavilion), and features an open discussion. Call 800-322-8322 or visit aikenregional.com.

Burn Support Group meets every Tuesday at 10:30 a.m. at Doctors Hospital (Lori Rogers Nursing Library, JMS Building). All burn survivors, and their families and friends are welcome. Call Tim Dorn at 706-651-6660 or visit doctors-hospital.net.

Moms Connection, a free support group for new mothers and their babies, meets Tuesdays from 1-2 p.m. at Georgia Health Sciences Building 1010C. Call 706-721-9351 or visit georgiahealth.org.

Education

Email Basics Class is Thursday, May 10 and 17, at 10 a.m. at the Diamond Lakes Branch Library. Pre-registration required. Call 706-772-2432 or visit ecgrl.org.

What Is Living Water? (John 4:7-15, 21-30), a Bible Teaching Seminar, is Saturday, May 12, at noon. Visit donaldsao.com.

One Week 2 EXCEL is a week of computer classes at the Headquarters Branch Library that meet MondayFriday, May 14-18, at 10 a.m. Pre-registration and a valid PINES card required. Call 706-821-2604 or visit ecgrl.org.

Web Searching, Privacy and Security Class is Monday, May 14, and Wednesday, May 16, at 6 p.m. at the Diamond Lakes Branch Library. Pre-registration required. Call 706-772-2432 or visit ecgrl.org.

The Sierra Club meets Tuesday, May 15, at 6:30 p.m. in the meeting room of the Unitarian Universalist Church on Walton Way Extension. Dayton Sherrouse, director of the Augusta Canal Authority, will speak about the canal’s past, present and future. Free and open to the public. Email sbooher@aol.com.

Work Networking Group is held each Monday from 8:30-10 a.m. at Grace United Methodist Church in North Augusta. A networking and informational meeting for anyone looking for a job, the group meets in room 206 of the Asbury Building and is facilitated by career and business professionals. Call 803-279-7525 or email doctor@pritchardgroup.com.

GED classes are offered every Monday and Thursday at 6 p.m. and every Monday-Thursday at 9:30 a.m. at the Headquarters Branch Library (Third Floor Writing Lab). PINES library card required. Call 706-821-2600 or visit ecgrl.org.

Computer classes are offered every Thursday at 6 p.m. at the Wallace Branch Library. Call 706-722-6275 or visit ecgrl.org.

ESL classes are offered every Wednesday at 6 p.m. at Headquarters Branch Library (Third Floor Writing Lab). Pre-registration required. Call Charles Garrick at 803-279-3363 or visit ecgrl.org.

Intermediate Spanish Language Class is each Monday from 2:30-4 p.m. at Friedman Library. Pre-registration required. Call 706-736-6758 or visit ecgrl.org.

Beginner’s Spanish Language Class is each Monday from 4-5 p.m. at Friedman Library. Pre-registration required. Call 706-736-6758 or visit ecgrl.org.

Benefits

Karma Yoga is offered at Just Breathe Studio, downtown Aiken, each Friday at 10 a.m. and is free if participants bring a donation of a personal item, which will be given to the Cumbee Center to Assist Abused Persons. Call 803-648-8048 or visit justbreathestudio. com.

Sports-­Outdoors

The Augusta GreenJackets play the Greenville Drive on Thursday, May 10, at 7:05 p.m.; Friday, May 11, at 5:05 p.m.; Saturday, May 12, at 7:05 p.m.; and Sunday, May 13, at 2:05 at Lake Olmstead Stadium. $7-$11.

Call 706-736-7889 or visit greenjacketsbaseball.com.

Marine Mud Challenge, a challenging five-mile off-road race with obstacles, is Saturday, May 12, at 9 a.m. at Fort Gordon. A Children’s Challenge miniature version of the race will be available for those ages 5-12. Visit marinemudchallenge.eventbrite.com.

Art and Artists on the Canal, part of the Canal Discovery Walk Series, is Saturday, May 12, at 10 a.m. and Sunday, May 13, at 3 p.m. Beginning at the Sutherland Mill parking lot at St. Sebastian Way Extension, artists Kathy Girdler Engler and Roger Finch will lead participants on a walk to view several of the sculptures on the canal’s lower first level and talk about the artists who created them. Free for Canal Keeper members; $2 for non-members. Call 706-8230440, ext. 2, or visit augustacanal.com.

The Augusta GreenJackets play the Rome Braves on Monday-Wednesday, May 14-16, at 7:05 at Lake Olmstead Stadium. $7-$11. Call 706-736-7889 or visit greenjacketsbaseball.com.

AUGUSTA’S INDEPENDENT VOICE SINCE 1989

METROSPIRIT 25

V23|NO19

Guided Trail Rides at Hilltop Riding Stables at Fort Gordon are available Saturdays at 9 a.m., 10:30 a.m., noon, 1:30 p.m. and 3 p.m.; Sundays at 9 a.m., 10:30 a.m. and noon; and Wednesday-Friday at 11 a.m. with reservations 24 hours in advance. All trail rides are on a first-come, first-served basis, and participants should arrive 30 minutes prior to the trail ride starting for sign in procedures. $23-$30. Call 706-791-4864 or visit fortgordon.com.

BlazeSports Swim Team, for all ages of physically challenged swimmers who want to train for competition, meets at the Wilson Family Y. $35 a month, members; $50 a month, non-members. Preregistration required. Visit thefamilyy.org.

Wheelchair Tennis is each Monday at 6 p.m., weather permitting, at the Club at Rae’s Creek. Free and open to the public. Call 706-826-5809 or visit alsalley@ wrh.org.

Zumba with Sohailla is every Saturday from 10-11 a.m. at the Ballroom Dance Center in Evans. Call 706-4216168 or visit zumbawithsohailla.blogspot.com.

Augusta Canal Boat Tours lasting one hour are offered Monday-Saturday at 10 a.m., 11:30 a.m., 1:30 p.m. and 3 p.m., and Sunday at 1:30, 3 and 4:30 p.m. All tours include admission to the Augusta Canal Interpretive Center. Call 706-823-0440 or visit augustacanal.com.

Saturday Historic Trolley Tours are Saturdays from 1:30-3:15 p.m. at the Augusta Museum of History.

Reservations required 24 hours in advance. $12. Call 706-724-4067 or visit augustamuseum.org.

The Augusta Fencers Club is open five nights a week from 5:30-9 p.m. and most Saturday mornings from 10 a.m.-noon. Visitors always welcome. Call 706-722-8878.

Lakeside Rideouts at Hilltop Riding Stables at Fort Gordon are each Sunday beginning at 1:30 p.m. on a first-come, first-served basis. The ride, which begins at 2 p.m., is a two-hour guided ride to Wilkerson Lake. $45-$50. Call 706-791-4864 or visit fortgordon.com.

Thursday Night Chain Reaction Ride begins at 6 p.m. each Thursday at Patriots Park in Grovetown. For intermediate to fast-paced cyclists, who average 25-32 miles. Participants should bring their own water and helmet. Call 706-855-2024 or visit chainreactionbicycles.net.

Yoga Class at Euchee Creek Branch Library meets every Tuesday at 10:30 a.m. Pre-registration required.

Call 706-556-0594 or visit ecgrl.org.

Riverview Disc Golf League meets each Thursday at 6 p.m. at Riverview Park in North Augusta. $5 entry fee and $1 ace pool. Call 803-215-8181 or visit augustadiscgolf.com.

Nacho Mama’s Group Run is each Tuesday at 5:30 p.m. and features food and drinks afterwards. Threeand four-mile routes are available for all ages and abilities of runners. Call 706-414-4059 or email jim@ enduranceconcepts.com.

Road Bike Ride meets each Thursday at 6:30 p.m. at Andy Jordan’s Bicycle Warehouse downtown for an approximately 25-mile ride at a moderate to fast pace.

Front and rear lights, as well as a helmet, are required.

Call 706-724-6777 or visit andyjordans.com.

Hott Shott Disc Golf is each Wednesday at 7 p.m. at Killer B Disc Golf, 863 Broad Street, and features games and prizes for all ages and skill levels. $2. Call 706-814-7514 or visit killerbdiscgolf.blogspot.com/p/ hott-shott.

26 METROSPIRITAUGUSTA’S INDEPENDENT VOICE SINCE 1989

The Surreal Gala featuring the Augusta Ballet is Saturday, May 12, at 7 p.m. at GHSU’s College of Dental Medicine. Paying tribute to the surrealist art movement of the 1920s, the event will feature a themed menu, live music, dancing and silent auctions. Black-tie optional. $75-$125. Call 706-261-0555 or visit augustaballet.org.

10MAY2012

V23|NO19

Kids

Big Brother/Big Sister, a class to help prepare siblings for a new baby, is Thursday, May 10, at 6 p.m. at Doctors Hospital. Pre-registration required. Call 706651-2229 or visit doctors-hospital.net.

Our New Baby class for siblings is Monday, May 14, at 4 p.m. at Trinity Hospital of Augusta. Preregistration required. Call 706-481-7727 or visit trinityofaugusta.com.

Manga Drawing Workshop, a teen event, is Tuesday, May 15, at 4 p.m. at the Columbia County Library.

Pre-registration required. Call 706-863-1946 or visit ecgrl.org.

Transit of Venus shows Saturdays in May at 8 and 9 p.m. at the DuPont Planetarium in Aiken. $5.50, adults; $4.50, seniors; $3.50, 4K-12 students; $1, USC-A students, faculty and staff. Call 803-641-3654 or visit http://rpsec.usca.edu/planetarium.

Preschool Story Time is every Tuesday at Headquarters Branch Library at 10 a.m. Toddler Story Time is every Wednesday at 10 a.m. Group registration required. Call 706-821-2600 or visit ecgrl.org.

Story Time is every Tuesday at 10 a.m. at Diamond Lakes Branch Library. Groups of six or more must preregister. Call 706-772-2432 or visit ecgrl.org.

706-722-6275 or visit ecgrl.org.

visit lucycraftlaneymuseum.com.

Story Time is every Tuesday at 10:30 a.m. at Harlem Branch Library. Call 706-556-9795 or visit ecgrl.org.

Silversneakers I is offered Mondays and Wednesdays at 9 a.m. and Tuesdays, Thursdays and Fridays at 11:15 a.m., while Silversneakers Yogastretch is offered Mondays and Wednesdays at 11:15 a.m. at the Weeks Center in Aiken. Call 803-642-7631 or visit cityofaikensc.gov.

Ceramics Class, for ages 14 and up, meets Mondays at 9 a.m. or 6 p.m., Tuesdays at 6 p.m., and Wednesdays at 9 a.m. in the Weeks Ceramics Center. Call 803-6427631 or visit cityofaikensc.gov.

Toddler Time, free play for children ages 5 and under, is each Monday and Wednesday from 9:30-11:30 a.m. at the H.O. Weeks Center in Aiken. Call 803-642-7631 or visit cityofaikensc.gov.

Wacky Wednesday Story Time is each Wednesday at 10 a.m. in the children’s department of Barnes and Noble in the Augusta Mall. Call 706-737-0012 or visit bn.com.

Story Time is every Wednesday at Appleby Branch Library from 10:05-10:20 a.m. for toddlers 18 months-35 months, and from 10:30-11:15 a.m. for preschoolers ages 3 and up. Parent must stay with child. Call 706-736-6244 or visit ecgrl.org.

Story Time is every Wednesday from 10:15-10:45 a.m. for Pre-K, and 11:30-11:55 a.m. for toddlers at Aiken County Public Library. Call 803-642-2023 or visit abbe-lib.org.

Story Time is every Tuesday at 10 a.m. at Friedman Branch Library. Groups of six or more must preregister. Call 706-736-6758 or visit ecgrl.org.

Story Time is every Wednesday from 10:30-11 a.m. for toddlers and 11:15-11:45 a.m. for preschoolers at North Augusta Branch Library. Call 803-279-5767 or abbe-lib.org.

Story Time is every Wednesday at 10 a.m. at Maxwell Branch Library. Pre-registration required. Call 706793-2020 or visit ecgrl.org.

Seniors

Story Time is every Wednesday from 10-11:15 a.m. at Wallace Branch Library. Pre-registration required. Call

10MAY2012

Heart and Stroke Prevention Screenings by representatives from University Hospital will be held Thursday, May 10, from 8 a.m.-2 p.m. at the Lucy Craft Laney Museum of Black History. Call 706-724-3576 or

Ceramics Class is offered at 9 a.m. on Mondays or Wednesdays and 6 p.m. on Mondays or Tuesdays at the Weeks Center. Call 803-642-7631 or visit cityofaikensc.gov.

Fit 4 Ever is offered at the Weeks Center in Aiken on Mondays, Wednesdays, Thursdays and Fridays from 10-11 a.m. Call 803-642-7631 or visit cityofaikensc.gov.

Line Dancing is each Tuesday at the Weeks Center in Aiken at 10 a.m. Call 803-642-7631 or visit cityofaikensc.gov.

Yoga I and II are offered at the Weeks Center in Aiken on Tuesdays, Thursdays and Fridays from 8:45-9:45 a.m. and on Mondays and Wednesdays from 5:30-6:30 p.m. Call 803-642-7631 or visit cityofaikensc.gov.

Hobbies

Spring Coin Show, presented by the Augusta Coin Club, is Friday-Saturday, May 11-12, from 9 a.m.-5 p.m. at the Patriots Park gym. The show will feature gold, silver, currency, tokens, medals, collectibles and more, and a raffle drawings will be held Saturday at 4 p.m.

Free. Call 706-829-5484 or visit augustacoinclub.com.

Herbs, a basic horticulture class led by Mary Louise Hagler, is Saturday, May 12, at Aldersgate United Methodist Church. The event also includes a tour of Golden Living Center Augusta’s greenhouse. $25.

Pre-registration required. Call 706-736-6793, email vallenotr@aol.com or visit augustacouncilgc.com.

Basket Making, a lunch and learn program for adults, is each Tuesday in May at 11:30 a.m. at the Headquarters Branch Library. $10. Pre-registration required. Call 706-821-2600 or visit ecgrl.org.

Crafters Night is each Monday from 6-8 p.m. at the Kroc Center. Call 706-364-5762 or visit krocaugusta.org.

Volunteers

VISTA associates needed by the United Way for 20 summer positions they need to fill. Volunteers work nine weeks between June 1-August 5 and positions are available for those ages 18-24. Associates will receive a bi-weekly allowance, and applications are being accepted now. Call 706-724-5544 or visit americorps.gov.

Augusta Public Library is looking for volunteers.

Friends of the library receive a 10 percent discount at The Book Tavern, complimentary dessert at French Market Grille, one free Petersburg Boat Ride, free coffee and discounts at Sundrees Market, and bogo admission at the Woodrow Wilson House. Call 706821-2600 or visit ecgrl.org.

Hospice Care of America’s Augusta office needs administrative and patient care volunteers. No experience necessary; training will be provided. Call Rich Boland at 706-447-2626 or email rboland@ msa-corp.com.

If you would like to see your organization’s events listed in our calendr, please email Amy Christian at amy@themetrospirit.com. The deadline for each Thursday’s issue is the previous Friday at noon.

AUGUSTA’S INDEPENDENT VOICE SINCE 1989

METROSPIRIT 27

V23|NO19

TAURUS (April 20-­May 20)

Taurus actor Daniel Day Lewis will star as President Abraham Lincoln in a film to be released later this year. Hollywood insiders report that Lewis basically became Lincoln months before the film was shot and throughout the entire process. Physically, he was a dead ringer, but even when the cameras weren’t rolling he spoke in the cadences and accent of his character. It might be fun for you to try a similar experiment in the coming weeks. Fantasize in detail about the person you would like to become, and then imitate that future version of you.

GEMINI (May 21-­June 20)

The housewarming party comes from an old British tradition. People who were moving would carry away embers from the fireplace of the home they were leaving and bring them to the fireplace of the new home. Borrow this idea and apply it to the transition you’re making. As you migrate toward the future, bring along a symbolic spark of the vitality that has animated the situation you’re transitioning out of.

CANCER (June 21-­July 22)

Call us today at 706.667.9009

My friend Irene has a complicated system for handling her cats’ food needs. The calico, Cleopatra, demands chicken for breakfast and beef stew at night, and all of it absolutely must be served in a pink bowl on the dining room table. Caligula insists on fish stew early and tuna later. He wants it on a black plate placed behind the love seat. Nefertiti refuses everything but gourmet turkey upon waking and beef liver for the evening repast. If it’s not on the basement stairs, she won’t touch it. Draw inspiration from it. It’s in your interests, at least temporarily, to keep your loved ones and allies happy with a coordinated exactitude that rivals Irene’s.

LEO (July 23-­Aug. 22)

THINK.

The moon’s pale glow shimmers on your face as you run your fingers through your hair. In your imagination, 90 violins play with sublime fury while the bittersweet yearning in your heart sends warm chills down your spine. You part your lips and open your eyes wide, searching for the words that could change everything. And then suddenly you remember you have to contact the plumber tomorrow, and find the right little white lie to appease you-know-who, and run out to the store to get that gadget you saw advertised. Your tendency to overdramatize is causing you to lose focus. Trim the 90 violins down to 10.

NOT A BIG BOX... NOT EVEN CLOSE

Are you so frustrated with your computer you’ve considered tossing it out the window? Is it so slow you can barely use it? Are you having trouble getting to your favorite web page... or facebood? Are you even tempted to teake it to one of those Big Box Stores for service? Think again!

VIRGO (Aug. 23-­Sept. 22) NOTABIGBOX.COM

Do you really want the place that sells you envelopes or flat screen TVs working on your computer? Bring it to ComputerOne today... and our real computer guys will make it all better at a price you can afford.

We’re the opposite of a Big Box Store. We’re the little store in Fairway Square and although we have our own of computer experts, we dont really call them geeks (at least to their faces). They’re just competent, skilled computer technicians with the know-­how to clean up your computer at a reasonable price and get you back on the internet fast.

And although we’re not keeping score, given the fact we’re celebrating our 25th anniversary this year, it is very likely we’ve sold and repaired more computers than any other company in Augusta... and we have thousands of satisfied customers to prove it.

Professional Virus & Spyware Removal Services $69.95 About Us | Services | Virus and Spyware Removal | Custom Built Computers | Point of Sale Systems | Driving Directions | Contact Us Copyright 2011 ComputerOne Technology, Inc., All Rights Reserved -­ Website developed, hosted and maintained by Southfire, Inc. 2825 Washington Rd., Fairway Square Shopping Center, Augusta, GA 30909 -­ 706.667.9009

28 METROSPIRITAUGUSTA’S INDEPENDENT VOICE SINCE 1989

“We all need a little more courage now and then,” said poet Marvin Bell. “That’s what I need. If you have some to share, I want to know you.” Proceed on the assumption that what you need most right now is to be braver and bolder. And consider the possibility that a good way to accomplish this goal is by hanging around people who are so intrepid and adventurous that their spirit will rub off on you.

LIBRA (Sept. 23-­Oct. 22)

In the Byrds’ 1968 song “Fifth Dimension,” the singer says that during a particularly lucid state, when he was simply relaxed and paying attention, he saw the great blunder his teachers had made. Now would be an excellent time for you to thoroughly question the lessons you’ve absorbed from your important teachers. You will earn a healthy jolt as you decide what to keep and what to discard.

SCORPIO (Oct. 23-­Nov. 21)

What are the most beautiful and evocative songs you know? Gather them all into one playlist and listen to them with full attention while at rest in a comfortable place where you feel perfectly safe.

You need a concentrated dose of the deepest, richest, most healing emotions you can tap into.

SAGITTARIUS (Nov. 22-­Dec. 21)

Tourists rarely go to the South American nation of Guyana because much of it is virgin rainforest and there are few amenities for travelers. In part it’s also due to the reputation-scarring event that occurred there in 1978, when cult-leader Reverend Jim Jones led a mass suicide. Last year, after travel writer Jeff Greenwald announced his trip to Guyana, his friends responded with a predictable joke: “Don’t drink the Kool-Aid!” But Greenwald was glad he went. The lush, tangled magnificence of Guyana was tough to navigate but a blessing to the senses and a firstclass adventure. Consider engaging with a situation that offers challenging gifts. Overcome your biases about a potentially rewarding experience.

CAPRICORN (Dec. 22-­Jan. 19)

“You have more freedom than you are using,” says artist Dan Attoe. Allow that taunt to get under your skin and rile you up in the coming days. Let it motivate you to lay claim to all the potential spaciousness and independence and leeway that are just lying around going to waste.

You have a sacred duty to cultivate more slack as if your dreams depended on it. (They do!)

AQUARIUS (Jan. 20-­Feb. 18)

I have been encouraging you to refine and deepen the meaning of home, urging you to get really serious about identifying what kind of environment you need in order to thrive, asking you to integrate yourself into a community that brings out the best in you, nudging you to create a foundation that will make you strong and sturdy for a long time. Now you’ve got about four more weeks before a new phase of your life’s work will begin.

PISCES (Feb. 19-­March 20)

Is your BS-detector in good condition? I hope so, because it’s about to get a workout. Rumors will be swirling and gossip will be flourishing, and you will need to be on high alert in order to distinguish the laughable delusions that have no redeeming value from the entertaining stories that have more than a few grains of truth. If you pass those tests, you’ll become a magnet for inside information, valuable secrets and unusual but useful clues that come from unexpected sources.

ARIES (March 21-­April 19)

In one of your past lives, I think you must have periodically done something like stick your tongue out or thumb your nose at pretentious tyrants and gotten away with it. At least that’s one explanation for how confident you often are about speaking up when everyone else seems unwilling to point out that the emperor is wearing no clothes. This quality should come in handy during the coming week. It may be totally up to you to reveal the truth about an obvious secret or collective delusion. Can you figure out a way to be relatively tactful as you say what supposedly can’t or shouldn’t be said?

ROBBREZSNY FREEWILLASTROLOGY@FREEWILLASTROLOGY.COM 10MAY2012

V23|NO19

10MAY2012

AUGUSTA’S INDEPENDENT VOICE SINCE 1989

METROSPIRIT 29

V23|NO19

Thursday, May 10 Live Music

Country Club - Drivin ’N’ Cryin Benefit Concert French Market Grille West - Doc Easton Smooth Jazz Joe’s Underground - Jerod Gay Mellow Mushroom (Downtown and Evans) - Live and Local O Lounge - Jazmine Soul Band Polo Lounge - Vince McKinley Red Pepper Cafe - Funk/Fusion Jazz Rose Hill Stables - Preston, Weston and Sandra Sky City - RockHer Music & Arts Festival w/ Storm Branch Band, Vicky Grady Band, Leah Deslandes, Kate Anderson, Allison Foster, Lark Gillespie, Leslie Raezer, Jenny Jones, She N She Somewhere in Augusta - County Line Band Travinia’s - Smooth Jazz The Willcox - Classic Jazz Wild Wing - The Hollerers

What’s Tonight?

Casa Blanca - Thursday Tango Club Argos - Karaoke Cocktails Lounge - Karaoke Coyote’s - Karaoke Fishbowl Lounge - Karaoke Fox’s Lair - Soup, Suds & Conversations Helga’s Pub & Grille - Trivia The Highlander - Butt Naked Trivia The Library - DJ Kris Fisher The Loft - Karaoke The Playground - Open Mic Malibu Jack’s - Sports Trivia with Mike Thomas Mi Rancho (Downtown) - Karaoke Mi Rancho (Evans) - Karaoke The Playground - Open Mic with Brandy Shannon’s - Karaoke Somewhere in Augusta - Keno Soul Bar - Boom Box Dance Party Villa Europa - Karaoke Wooden Barrel - ’80s Night Karaoke

Friday, May 11 Live Music

Augusta Moonlight Music Cruise - Morris Davidson Carolina Ale House - Jim Perkins Coyote’s - Departure (Journey Tribute) Fox’s Lair - Roger Enevoldsen French Market Grille West - Doc Easton Joe’s Underground - Craig Waters & The Session PI Bar & Grill - Jazz Duo The Playground - Siamese Dream Sky City - Funk You Somewhere in Augusta - Joe Stevenson Stillwater Taproom - Jackaroe Wild Wing - Irritating Julie

What’s Tonight?

Club Argos - Variety Show Cocktails Lounge - Grown-Up Fridays with DJ Cork and Bull Pub - Karaoke Eagle’s Nest - Free Salsa Lessons; Latin Dance Party First Round - DJ Kris Fisher Fishbowl Lounge - Karaoke Iron Horse Bar & Grill - Karaoke Mi Rancho (Downtown) - Karaoke with Ryan Moseley Mi Rancho (Washington Road) - Karaoke with Jeff Barnes Mi Rancho (Clearwater) - Three J’s Karaoke Ms. Carolyn’s - Karaoke 30 METROSPIRITAUGUSTA’S INDEPENDENT VOICE SINCE 1989

Palmetto Tavern - DJ Tim Rebeck’s Hideaway - Open Mic Roadrunner Cafe - Karaoke with Steve Chappel Soul Bar - 80’s Night Tropicabana - Latin Friday Wheels - Live DJ Wooden Barrel - Karaoke Contest

Saturday, May 12 Live Music

The Acoustic Coffeehouse - Open Acoustic Jam Session with Eryn Eubanks and the Family Fold Augusta Market at the River - Karen Gordon Fox’s Lair - David Heath & John Goudy Joe’s Underground - John Kolbeck Laura’s Backyard Tavern - A Tribute to Bob Dylan Metro Coffeehouse & Pub - Dash Rip Rock P.I. Bar and Grill - Smooth Jazz Sky City - Modern Skirts w/ Ponderosa Somewhere in Augusta - Gareth Asher Band Wild Wing - Southwood

Soul Bar - Turf War, Von Holmes Wild Wing - TJ Mimbs The Willcox - Piano Jazz

What’s Tonight?

Club Argos - Karaoke Fishbowl Lounge - Dart League Laura’s Backyard Tavern - Karaoke w/ David Doane Malibu Jack’s - DJ Mellow Mushroom (Downtown and Evans) - Trivia Somewhere In Augusta - Big Prize Trivia

Wednesday, May 16 Live Music

Joe’s Underground - Sibling String Wild Wing - Old Man Crazy

What’s Tonight?

Club Argos - Santoni’s Satin Dolls

May 17 Acosta - Wild Wing - May 17 Tara Scheyer - Augusta Moonlight Music Cruise May 18 Local Propoganda - Fox’s Lair May 18 Killer Mike, Freedom Black, Fuzz Jackson, Grindhouse Gang, Brotha Trav - Sky City May 18 Robby Ducey Band - Laura’s Backyard Tavern May 18 Baby Baby - Sky City May 19 Lady Antebellum - James Brown Arena May 22-23 Old You, Dr. Bread - Sky City May 24 Morris Davidson Band - 1102 May 25 Jim Perkins - Carolina Ale House May 25 The Southern Meltdown Band - Shannon’s May 25 Yo Mama’s Big Fat Booty Band - Surrey Tavern May 25 Barb Wire Dolls - The Playground May 25 An Evening with Yanni - Bell Auditorium June 1 The Mosier Brothers - Surrey Tavern June 1 & 2 John Berret’s LaRoxes - Iron Horse Bar and Grill

What’s Tonight?

Club Argos - Variety Show Cocktails Lounge - Latin Night Fishbowl Lounge - Karaoke Fox’s Lair - Karaoke w/ Mario and Birkie Helga’s Pub & Grille - Trivia The Loft - Karaoke Mi Rancho (Downtown) - Karaoke with Rockin Rob Mi Rancho (Clearwater) - Karaoke with Danny Haywood Mi Rancho (Washington Road) - Karaoke Ms. Carolyn’s - Karaoke One Hundred Laurens - DJ Kenny Ray Robbie’s - Saturday Night Dance Party Tropicabana - Salsa Saturday Wheels - Live DJ Wooden Barrel - Kamikaze Karaoke

Sunday, May 13 Live Music

5 O’Clock Bistro - Buzz and Candice Candlelight Jazz - Lakeside High School, Lunar Octopus James Brown Arena - Mother’s Day Festival w/ Anthony Hamilton, Maze, Frankie Beverly Wild Wing - Jerod Gay The Willcox - Jazz Jam Session

What’s Tonight?

Caribbean Soul - Love Jones Sundays Mi Rancho (Downtown) - Karaoke Mi Rancho (Washington Road) - Karaoke, Salsa Dancing

Monday, May 14 Live Music

Shannon’s - Open Mic Night

What’s Tonight?

Applebee’s (Evans) - Trivia Club Argos - Karaoke Malibu Jack’s - Sports Trivia with Mike Thomas Mi Rancho (Downtown) - Trivia with Mike Thomas Somewhere In Augusta - Free Poker Tournaments Wild Wing - Trivia

Tuesday, May 15 Live Music

The Highlander - Open Mic Night Fox’s Lair - John Fisher Joe’s Underground - Happy Bones

Cocktails Lounge - Augusta’s Got Talent Cotton Patch - Trivia and Tunes Coyote’s - Drink N Drown w/ Snow Bunny Bikini Contest Hotel Aiken - Karaoke w/ Tom Mitchell Laura’s Backyard Tavern - Karaoke w/ David Doane The Loft - Karaoke Mi Rancho (Downtown) - Karaoke Mi Rancho (Washington Road) - Karaoke with Rockin’ Rob The Playground - Krazy Karaoke with Big Troy Polo Tavern - Karaoke w/ Tom Mitchell Somewhere In Augusta - Comedy Night w/ Grandma Lee and Chris Killian

Upcoming

Jeff Johnston - Joe’s Underground May 17 Mobile Deathcamp, Hemlock, Chairleg - Sky City

June 3 Shovels & Rope - Sky City June 9 Louis Lewis - Surrey Tavern June 13 Los Bastardos Magnificos - Sky City June 14 Shane Owens and Bottom - Coyote’s June 15 John Berret’s LaRoxes - 1102 June 16 Ten Toes Up - Surrey Tavern June 23 Fresh Music Festival w/ Keith Sweat, Doug E. Fresh, Guy, SWV, K-Ci, & JoJo- James Brown Arena June 29 The Southern Meltdown Band - Laura’s Backyard Tavern June 29 John Berret’s LaRoxes - 1102 July 6 Concrete Jumpsuit - Surrey Tavern - July 19 Hot Rod Walt and the Psycho-DeVilles - The Loft July 20 The Southern Meltdown Band - Laura’s Backyard Tavern June 29 John Berret’s LaRoxes - Iron Horse Bar and Grill July 22 10MAY2012

V23|NO19

IN MUSIC

No Sleep Till We Cure Cancer

So, can we hurry up and cure this whole cancer thing? Sad news came to the music world this week with the passing of Adam “MCA” Yauch, one of the founding members of the Beastie Boys. Adam was only 47 years old and had been battling cancer since 2009. The Beastie Boys were never my “go to cup of tea,” but I always thought they were awesome. How could you not love “Intergalactic,” “No Sleep Till Brooklyn” and, my obvious favorite, “Sabotage”?

For many artists these days, the Beastie Boys were pioneers. Not only for white rappers, excluding Vanilla Ice and Snow, the guys helped move the hip-‐hop world from the streets to suburban homes. Adam wasn’t just a force in music; he was an activist who pushed human rights and freedom of speech, even producing the Tibetan Freedom concerts.

Over the weekend there were a ton of bands paying tribute to the fallen Beastie Boy, including live covers from the Red Hot Chili Peppers, Angels and Airwaves and, surprisingly enough, Coldplay. Even more surprisingly, I liked the Coldplay tribute the best. Do yourself a favor, hit up the Google machine and find this performance. Rest in peace MCA. What’s it like to record with no record company in your face? “Amazingly freeing,” according to Shirley Manson, lead singer of the band Garbage. Garbage is set to release their first album in seven years. The new disc is called “Not Your Kind of People” and can be picked up on the May 14. Best part is that you can head over to spin.com and preview the album right now. Shirley Manson, Tommy likey.

Speaking of new albums, No Doubt has announced that their as-‐yet-‐untitled LP is due in stores on September 25. This will be the band’s follow-‐up to 2001’s “Rock Steady.” Yeah, it’s been that long. Do I feel a “Chinese Democracy” coming our way? Not really, no one has been sitting around waiting for it like they did for the garbage that came from Axl, no pun intended. More than likely it’ll just be a No Doubt album, which I’m fine with. Again, another pretty front woman; I’ll take it. I wish Evanescence played good music.

How much are the Beatles worth? Well to “Mad Men” creator Matthew Weiner, one song is worth $250,000. In a recent episode of “Mad Men,” the show featured the Beatles track, “Tomorrow Never Knows,” and a quarter of a million is all it took.

I guess you can’t have a television show based in the ’60s and not feature the band that changed music forever. Can you tell I’m a Beatles fan?

If you sat down this weekend to watch the Floyd Mayweather Jr. fight and thought your eyes were being raped when Justin Bieber walked out into the ring with Mayweather, well you weren’t the only one. Mayweather’s entourage normally includes 50 Cent and Lil’ Wayne, but not this time. In hindsight, it would have been the best episode of “Punk’d” if Mayweather suddenly turned around and knocked that douche out.

New albums in stores this week that I think are good: the Silversun Pickups and Keane. Stone approved.

Augusta wants low ticket prices for shows, so the promoters listened. Check it out: Taproot, HURT and Otherwise at Sky City on June 9 for only $14, and Crossfade, Weaving the Fate, and Candlelight Red at The Library (formally the Vue), on June 27 for only $12. Good deal. Hit up 95rock.com for details on the shows.

Join me this weekend to see the band Modern Skirts with special guest Pondera at Sky City. The band is playing on Saturday night. Buy me a beer.

What music do you want to hear about? What local band is making moves? Email matt@95rock.com.

MATTSTONE can be heard weekdays from 2-6 p.m. on 95 Rock.

10MAY2012

AUGUSTA’S INDEPENDENT VOICE SINCE 1989

METROSPIRIT 31

V23|NO19

32 METROSPIRITAUGUSTA’S INDEPENDENT VOICE SINCE 1989

10MAY2012

V23|NO19

10MAY2012

AUGUSTA’S INDEPENDENT VOICE SINCE 1989

METROSPIRIT 33

V23|NO19

THE

BOX TOPS

Hulk smash the competition! With a little help, of course.

EIGHT

RANK

TITLE

WEEKEND GROSS

TOTAL GROSS

WEEK #

LAST WEEK

1

THE AVENGERS

$207,438,708

$207,438,708

1

-

2

THINK LIKE A MAN

$8,106,166

$73,135,600

3

1

3

THE HUNGER GAMES

$5,587,661

$380,614,659

7

3

4

THE PIRATES! BAND OF MISFITS

$5,502,482

$18,665,941

2

2

5

THE LUCKY ONE

$5,368,115

$47,775,060

3

4

“The Avengers”

SAMEIFLING

Just because it’s a big-budget action flick doesn’t mean it’s not worth seeing In its first three days in release, “The Avengers” became the fastest movie to reach $100 million, then $150 million, then $200 million at the box office. That’s a gobsmacking feat considering the average mope on the street, and even some blue-‐belt nerds, could not have accurately told you what the Avengers are or which heroes, exactly, are among them.

But the tsunami success of this all-‐star mashup of comic-‐book characters owes to patience from the Disney-‐owned Marvel Studios the inspired choice of Joss Whedon as director and the fact that, despite an ensemble cast that ought to sag under its own bloat, “The Avengers” is light enough to defy gravity for most of its 142 minutes. IMDB.com users already rank it among the top 30 or so movies ever.

How did this happen?

So about that cast. The incomparable Robert Downey Jr. makes his third turn as Iron Man, Chris Evans is the unfrozen throwback Captain America, Chris Hemsworth is a bland but hammer-‐swingin’ Thor. Scarlett Johansson’s Black Widow and Jeremy Renner’s Hawkeye didn’t enjoy their own eponymous flicks to prime us for their Avengers turn, but like Samuel L. Jackson’s Nick Fury, the one-‐eyed spy who assembles this band of rogues, they’ve popped up in other films.

The newcomer is Mark Ruffalo, who stepped in for Edward Norton after that star of “The Incredible Hulk” and Marvel couldn’t arrive at an agreement for “The Avengers.” The 2008 Hulk flick, plus the two “Iron Man” installments, last year’s “Thor” and “Captain America” makes a ridiculous five movies all funneling plots and characters into “The Avengers” over the past few years, and it all pays off. The dialogue doesn’t suffer from the leaden, exposition-‐heavy tone that make so many action movies feel like 90-‐minute subsonic insults to your intelligence. By that measure, two-‐and-‐a-‐ half hours of self-‐deprecating jokes and the occasional — what’s this? — witty patter are a salve. Somehow a sprawling, unruly committee convened and hammered out a movie with a bona fide personality.

As for the weak points, and there are several, we look first to the villain, Loki (Tom Hiddleston), whose arrival via some intergalactic energy portal triggers Fury’s rush to assemble the far-‐flung Avengers. The demi-‐god half-‐ brother of Thor has designs on conquering Earth with the help of an army of space monsters.

In the meantime his wardrobe looks like a cross between a Michael Jackson’s lost lamé bender and rejected Loyal Order of Water Buffaloes headgear. He’s nasty enough, as villains go, but seems pinched politically back on the other end of space and in need of iron supplements while strutting around Earth, zapping humans (Hawkeye, for one) into brainwashed minions.

Evans doesn’t bring enough gravitas to Captain America to convince us that the likes of Tony Stark and Bruce Banner would trust his orders.

The middle drags a bit.

More to the point, though, is the high degree of awesomeness achieved in areas that absolutely must be awesome for this movie to work. The heroes all have distinct personalities (cf., the fungible characters of the “Star Wars” prequels). The Hulk’s effects have never been more satisfyingly realistic. New York gets trashed in right-‐proper fashion. Even without being able to use 13-‐letter epithets as modifiers, Jackson gets zingers.

The climax involves, for once, highly credible mortal peril for one of the team’s members. The credits include not one but two extras to sate the geek flock until “Iron Man 3” or the next “Avengers” flick.

With the way this one landed, Marvel sequels have joined death and taxes among the lead-‐pipe certainties in life, and possibly the only one among them worth looking forward to.

THE8ERS Movie times are subject to change.

The Big Mo

Gates open at 7 p.m.; shows begin at 8:30 p.m. (approximately) May 4-‐5 Field 1: The Avengers (PG-‐13) and John Carter (PG-‐13) ; Field 2: Dark Shadows (PG-‐13) and The Lucky One (PG-‐13); Field 3: The Pirates! Band of Misfits (PG) and Think Like a Man (PG-‐13).

Masters 7 Cinemas

May 11 Lockout (PG-‐13) 5:15, 7:30, 9:40; American Reunion (R) 7:15; A Thousand Words (PG-‐13) 5:25, 7:40, 10; Dr. Seuss’ The Lorax (PG) 5:15, 7:30, 9:50; Project X (R) 4:45, 10; Act of Valor (R) 4:15, 9:30; Tyler Perry’s Good Deeds (PG-‐13) 4:30, 7:15, 34 METROSPIRITAUGUSTA’S INDEPENDENT VOICE SINCE 1989

9:40; Journey 2: The Mysterious Island (PG) 6:45; Safe House (R) 4, 7, 9:30 May 12 Lockout (PG-‐13) 12:45, 3, 5:15, 7:30, 9:40; American Reunion (R) 1:45, 7:15; A Thousand Words (PG-‐13) 1, 3:10, 5:25, 7:40, 10; Dr. Seuss’ The Lorax (PG) 12:45, 3, 5:15, 7:30, 9:50; Project X (R) 4:45, 10; Act of Valor (R) 4:15, 9:30; Tyler Perry’s Good Deeds (PG-‐13) 1:30, 4:30, 7:15, 9:40; Journey 2: The Mysterious Island (PG) 1:30, 6:45; Safe House (R) 1:15, 4, 7, 9:30

Evans Cinemas

May 11-‐12 Dark Shadows (PG-‐13) 11:45, 12:45, 2:15, 3:15, 4:45, 5:45, 7:15, 8:15, 9:50; The Avengers (PG-‐13) 11, 11:30, noon, 1, 2, 2:30,

3, 4, 4:30, 5, 6, 7, 7:45, 8, 8:30, 9, 10; The Five-‐Year Engagement (R) 1:15, 7:30, 10:15; The Pirates! Band of Misfits (PG) 11:50, 2:10, 4:20, 7:05; The Raven (R) 11:55, 2:25, 4:55, 7:25, 10:10; Safe (R) 12:15, 5:30; Chimpanzee (G) 5:10; The Lucky One (PG-‐13) 12:30, 2:50, 5:15, 7:40, 10:05; Think Like a Man (PG-‐13) 1:30, 4:10, 6:50, 9:35; The Cabin in the Woods (R) 2:45, 7:35, 9:55; The Hunger Games (PG-‐13) 11:15, 2:15, 5:20, 9:15

Regal Exchange 20

May 11-‐12 Dark Shadows (PG-‐13) 10:15, 11:15, 12:05, 2, 2:55, 4:15, 4:45, 5:35, 7, 7:15, 7:30, :45, 8:15, 10:05, 10:20, 10:40, 11, 12:40, 1, 1:15; The Avengers (PG-‐13) 10:20, 11:05, 12:15, 12:35,

1, 1:20, 1:35, 2:20, 3:30, 4:20, 4:35, 4:50, 5:30, 6:45, 7:35, 7:50, 8:05, 8:40, 10, 10:15, 10:50, 11:05, 11:20, 11:50, 1:15, 1:30; The Five-‐ Year Engagement (R) 10:25, 1:30, 4:20, 7:20, 10:10; The Pirates! Band of Misfits (PG) 12:15, 2:30, 4:45, 7, 9:15; The Raven (R) noon, 2:25, 4:50, 7:30, 10, 12:30; Safe (R) 12:25, 2:40, 5, 7:35, 9:55, 12:15; Chimpanzee (G) 11, 1, 2:55, 5; The Lucky One (PG-‐13) 12:10, 2:35, 5:05, 7:30, 9:55, 12:20; Think Like a Man (PG-‐13) 10:20, 10:50, 1:10, 1:40, 3:55, 4:25, 7:15, 7:45, 10, 10:30; The Cabin in the Woods (R) 12:30, 2:50, 5:30, 8, 10:15, 12:30; The Three Stooges (PG) 12:45, 3:05, 5:30; The Hunger Games (PG-‐13) 10:30, 1:45, 4:50, 7:55, 11; 21 Jump Street (R) 12:10, 2:50, 5:25, 8, 10:35

10MAY2012

OPENING FRIDAY, MAY 11

V23|NO19

COMEDY

“Dark Shadows,� rated PG-�13, starring Johnny Depp, Michelle Pfeiffer, Helena Bonham Carter. We’re on the fence about this one despite the fact that the Johnny Depp-�Tim Burton combo is usually pretty bulletproof.

The trailers for this big-â€?screen reimagining of the 1970s low-â€?budget, much-â€? loved TV series leave us feeling “meh.â€? Then we discovered that Seth Grahame-â€?Smith, author of “Pride and Prejudice and Zombies,â€? is one of the screenwriters and that Alice Cooper makes an appearance. And, of course, it’s nice to see Michelle Pfeiffer back on screen after an extended absence. So‌ what the hell. We’ll give them the benefit of the doubt. Since it’s the only high-â€?profile movie opening this weekend, we don’t have much of a choice.

C E R WE

W

WING D IL

D N E M M O

“The Hunger� (1983)

You think Johnny Depp’s getup and long fingernails symbolize dedication to his role as Barnabus Collins in this week’s “Dark Shadows�? Talk to David Bowie who, in playing a vampire in 1983’s “The Hunger,� went to a cosmetic dentist and had his teeth altered for the role. That, friends, is commitment. So if you’re on the fence about Tim Burton’s new movie, check out the “The Hunger,� which is one hell of a vampire movie. It’s beautiful, thanks to Director Tony Scott (Ridley’s brother, who went on to direct “Top Gun� among other box office blockbusters).

It’s hot, thanks to a lesbian sex scene between Catherine Deneuve and Susan Sarandon. And it completely ignores all those pesky vampire rules that other movies of the genre so clunkingly adhere to. Just lots of killing and lots of sex. Oh, and the opening scene features Bauhaus performing “Bela Lugosi’s Dead� and Iggy Pop’s on the soundtrack, as well. What could be better than that?

10MAY2012

T H I S Â W E E K 5.9 - TIKI BARFLYS 5.10 - THE HOLLERERS 5.11 - IRRITATING JULIE 5.12 - SOUTHWOOD 5.13 - JEROD GAY 19K@AF?LGF ,< c 1#& www. wi l d wi n gcaf e. com AUGUSTAâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;S Â INDEPENDENT Â VOICE Â SINCE Â 1989 Â

METROSPIRIT 35

V23|NO19

Michael Johnson

mejphoto.photoreflect.com

Kelli Lester, Jamie Lee and Brooke Harnage at Wild Wing Cafe.

SIGHTINGS

Rachal Inglett, Gabriel Flores and Kayla Landrun at Spring Fest 2012 at Fort Gordon’s Barton Field.

Judy Sweeny, Kessler Owens and Lindsey Jones at the Loft.

SIGHTINGS

Katie Dale, Berrien Chidsey and Erica Sample at Sky City.

Kayla Greguric with American Idol Bo Bice and Stephanie Barrie at Spring Fest 2012 at Fort Gordon’s Barton Field.

SIGHTINGS

Bridgett and Tom Story with Jessica Bender and Louise Maxwell at Derby Day at the Julian Smith Casino.

36 METROSPIRITAUGUSTA’S INDEPENDENT VOICE SINCE 1989

Bernard, Jenna, Joseph and Mayclare Scherer at Derby Day at the Julian Smith Casino.

Chad Reese, Lindsay Baldridge and Kymberli Harriman at The County Club.

Michael Johnson

mejphoto.photoreflect.com

Ry Miller, Adrienna Munitz, Joan Walker and Wesley Vaughn at 1102 Downtown.

10MAY2012

V23|NO19

10MAY2012

AUGUSTA’S INDEPENDENT VOICE SINCE 1989

METROSPIRIT 37

V23|NO19

ART45

Odd Couple Dance Augusta mixes classical dance with fair atmosphere in DanceFair

VALERIEEMERICK

When you think of ballet and classically trained dancers, probably the last thing that comes to mind is “old-‐fashioned county fair.” If you think dance performances have to be stuffy and formal, DanceFair is sure to challenge your sensibilities — but in a whimsical and creative way.

Dance Augusta is hosting an in-‐studio fundraising event this Friday and Saturday night that features a variety of performances set in an environment that harkens back to the old carnival days. The studio will be transformed into a small theater with black drapes surrounding the stage, complete with wings and stage lighting and stadium seating in front. Since the theme is an old-‐fashioned county fair it will also be engulfed in white balloons hanging from the ceiling and strings of bare lights.

The whole idea stems from an original work of choreography by Peter Powlus.

“Traditionally, if I’m not too crazy busy, I do a new piece every year,” explains Powlus. “I really like collaboration — especially with live music and local musicians.”

This year’s piece was inspired by some music sent to Powlus by Rudy Volkmann.

“He sent me these tunes, that he either composed or arranged for a brass quintet, that just transported me back to my childhood to the days of the old family amusement park — it was the kind of music you might hear riding around on the carousel,” says Powlus.

From this music, he was inspired to create FairPlay, the dance number that will conclude the evening.

In addition to FairPlay, the performance will also feature another original work making its premiere with Dance Augusta at the event. The piece, called “Saudade Amore” (which, translated from Portuguese, means “missing love” and features

music by Blue October), was choreographed by Amanda Diehl-‐Hulen, who is a guest dancer from the Louisville Ballet.

The work is a pas de duex, or a dance for two.

Amanda got the idea for the dance while her husband, Morgan Hulen, was away in Portugal on tour. Morgan, who will also be a guest dancer for the event, is a performer with Momix.

“I got my inspiration from missing my husband, but also from Momix,” she says. “I wanted to create something unique and more athletic than the traditional pas de deux. Something different. So that’s where the idea started.”

Amanda and Morgan will also perform another piece, “Cranes,” which is a Japanese-‐inspired work.

Overall, the performance will include six diverse choreographic pieces all very different. Rudy Volkmann and the Savannah River Brassworks will play before the show, during intermissions and for Powlus’ piece. Four large bronze sculptures by Kathy Girdler Engler will be set on pedestals with backlighting to provide extra atmosphere. There will also be a raffle, and silent auction both nights.

Outside there will be tables set with food and a bar, an old-‐fashioned popcorn bar, a candy bar and a garden of balloons and bales of hay to set the scene.

John Beck from Sheehan’s Irish Pub will do the heavy hors d’oeuvres on Friday and Jane Harmon from Baton Rouge Chef Caterers on Saturday.

“We’re going to be serving sort-‐of ‘gourmet carnival food’ on a stick, and we’re going to be serving beer and wine out of mason jars,” says Zanne Colton, artistic director for the Augusta Ballet School. “It’s really going to be fun!”

DanceFair | Augusta Ballet School | Friday-‐Saturday, May 11-‐12 6 p.m. | $40 (advanced sale only) | 706-‐733-‐5511 | danceaugusta.org

Cremation is not as expensive as you think.

$995 Pre-­pay for a complete Direct Cremation 38 METROSPIRITAUGUSTA’S INDEPENDENT VOICE SINCE 1989

706.798.8886 for details 10MAY2012

V23|NO19

GOLD’S GYM The Home Stretch

Fit to Be Gold competitors weigh in and look to the next 30 days The good news for the competitors of the Fit to Be Gold Challenge is that they have collectively lost 225 pounds.

The bad news — they’ve also lost three competitors, which means that by the rules of the competition, the pot is down to $1,200. That’s $1,000 to the winner and $200 to the second place finisher.

The only way to get the money back is to convince the three who’ve gone AWOL to hustle back — and soon — or to finish the competition with four people having lost 15 percent body mass, something that has never been done in the history of the challenge.

Three have finished above the 15 percent mark, but never four.

With four weeks left to go in the competition, the leader board has changed slightly, but the top four competitors continue to be the same.

In fourth place is Susan Buzhardt, who has lost 22 pounds despite the fact that she was forced to take time off due to health concerns.

“I ran into some cardiac issues,” she told the other competitors at the weigh in. “I had two episodes of a fib.”

Atrial fibrillation is an irregular heartbeat, which can increase the risk of a stroke if not taken care of.

She’s scheduled for a stress test and an echocardiogram this week, and though she’s been cleared to go back to working out, she had to stop training for a week and a half.

“I actually found that I missed it,” she said. “And that is not me — to say I actually missed going to the gym.”

She even showed off her newest bauble — her “little cut of a muscle.”

In second place at the last weigh in, Chelsie Lee weighed in losing 12.4 percent body mass, and though she looked happy at her number, she had very little to say.

“I’ve worked out a lot and I’ve eaten a lot of food that doesn’t taste good,” she said.

WEIGH-­IN

UPDATE

Moving up to second place, Bobby Burch has lost 38.4 pounds and has shed 13.56 percent body mass. He weighed in with the drama of a prize fighter and even indulged in a little good natured trash talking with leader Rob Forbes.

He definitely has his sights set of Forbes, joking that he still had weight to lose while Forbes “has lost about all he’s got to lose.”

Forbes did look fit. He’s lost 37.6 pounds and has broken the 15 percent body mass mark.

“Nothing’s been easy,” he confessed. “It’s been brutal, but rewarding.”

Just because the top of the leader board has stayed the same doesn’t mean there can’t be a shakeup in the last four weeks. Right now there are nine competitors within six percentage points, and with everyone’s bodies being different, it would be tough to pick a winner just yet.

On May 31 the group will participate in the Last Chance Workout leading up to the final weigh in on June 4.

Face to Face IT™ means we talk to you, one-on-one, to solve your problems.

Contact us for Cloud Computing, VOIP, Video Conferencing Equipment and other IT Services.

(706) 860-1997 | cmaaugusta.com

10MAY2012

AUGUSTA’S INDEPENDENT VOICE SINCE 1989

METROSPIRIT 39

V23|NO19

ON THE BALL

Postseason In PIctures Hawks underwhelming playoff performance leaves much to be desired “I think the Atlanta Hawks have too many nice guys. I think that’s one of their bigger problems... You’ve got to have some hood in you to be a great player.”

— TNT’s Charles Barkley

MATTLANE is host of The Weekend Rundown which airs from 10 a.m.-‐noon Saturdays on News-‐Talk-‐Sports 1630 AM. He can be reached at mattlane28@gmail.com or follow him on Twitter @Mattlane28.

make a real connection Call Livelinks.

The hottest place to meet the coolest people.

706.434.0108 40 METROSPIRITAUGUSTA’S INDEPENDENT VOICE SINCE 1989

Local Numbers: 1.800.926.6000 Ahora en Español 18+ www.livelinks.com

10MAY2012

V23|NO19

Featured Pet of the Week

SPONSOR THE

Metro Spirit’s Pet Page! lauren@themetrospirit.com

Feral Cats 101: Part Two

By Beverly Hixon

What is a feral cat? Where do they come from?

Where do they live? What follows are a few frequently asked questions pertaining to feral cats.

What is the difference between a stray cat and a feral cat?

A stray cat is a pet cat who is lost or abandoned. Stray cats are accustomed to contact with people and are tame. Feral cats are the offspring of lost or abandoned pet cats or other feral cats who are not spayed or neutered. Feral cats are not accustomed to contact with people and are typically too fearful and wild to be handled. A stray cat can become feral as his or her contact with humans dwindles; however, under the right circumstances, he or she can become a pet once again through a period of re-acclimation.

Where do feral cats come from?

Domestic cats came into existence about 10,000 years ago, when humans began farming. According to scientists, cats are one of the only animals who domesticated themselves — choosing to live near humans to feed on the rodents attracted by stored grain. Research shows that the natural habitat of cats is outdoors in close proximity to humans, and that this is how they have lived ever since. It wasn’t until the 1940s, and the invention of cat litter, that “indoor only” cats was even a concept.

Where do feral cats live?

Feral cats typically live in a colony — a group of related cats. The colony occupies and defends a specific territory where food (a restaurant dumpster, a person who feeds them) and shelter are available.

Since feral cats fear strangers, they stay out of site even though people could live nearby.

How do feral cats survive — find food, stay warm, etc.?

Many don’t survive. If they do, their lives aren’t easy without human caretakers. Females may become pregnant as young as five months of age and have 2-3 litters a year. Bearing offspring so young and so often,

Special Events

and having nursing kittens, is even more stressful on female cats who are struggling to survive. More than half of the kittens are likely to die without human intervention. Males who roam and fight to find mates and defend their territories may be injured and transmit diseases to one another through bite wounds. If they’re lucky, these cats may find food scraps from a restaurant dumpster and shelter beneath a porch or abandoned building. However, often they are without a reliable source of food and adequate shelter.

Would it be better if feral cats were euthanized?

Some people feel sorry for feral cats because of their difficult and dangerous life. Others are annoyed by the cats’ behaviors and want the cats removed. But many people, as mentioned before, don’t feel that these cats should be euthanized. Even if animal control removed and euthanized feral cats, other feral cats would move into the vacant territory to take advantage of the food source and shelter now made available. It is an endless cycle.

Why can’t animal shelters rescue feral cats?

Animal shelters already care for and try to find homes for thousands of lost, injured, abandoned and relinquished pet cats. Feral cats brought to the shelter, until “declared” feral, could be required to stay during a mandatory holding period. If space is limited at the shelter, an adoptable cat may be put down to make room to hold a feral cat. In the past, municipal shelters have not had the funds to support Trap, Neuter, Return (TNR), however that has changed. Many have realized that it costs less to

Barn/Indoor/Outdoor Rescues Need Loving Homes For more information email kittykonnection@yahoo.com

Kerwin Male 6 Months Old

10MAY2012

Bing

I am a male, orange and white tabby, about seven years old, neutered and up to date on all vaccinations. I am a very sweet lap kitty who VMML[ I±Y]QM\±PWUM

Adam Male 6 Months Old

Village Deli and Friends Annual Charity Golf Tournament A fundraising event for That’s What Friends Are For, Inc., a 501c3 that raises money for local rescues, spay and neuter, and much more.

Sunday, May 20, 1:30 p.m. tee time Goshen Plantation Golf Club To register, donate or get more information, call Village Deli at 706-736-3691 or visit thatswhatfriendsarefor.org

Ongoing Adoption Events PETCO 4209 Washington Road, Evans Saturdays, 11 a.m.-4 p.m., Sundays, 1-4 p.m.

PetSmart 225 Robert C. Daniel Parkway, Augusta Saturdays, 10 a.m.-4 p.m.

Tractor Supply 596 Bobby Jones Expressway, next to Sam’s Club Saturdays and Sundays from 1-4 p.m. sterilize the animal and release it than to trap and kill the animal, which results in a cost savings to the taxpayers.

Why doesn’t simply removing feral cats from an area work to reduce their numbers and nuisance behavior?

There are many reasons. Feral cats live in a certain location because it offers food and shelter. If a colony is removed, it is highly probable that cats from surrounding colonies will move in to take advantage of the newly available resources. The cycle of reproduction and nuisance behavior begins all over again. Additionally, if all of the cats are not trapped, the ones left behind continue to have more kittens. Again, as already mentioned, it is an endless cycle.

Is it unsafe for feral cats to live outside?

The short answer is no. Outdoors is the natural habitat for feral cats.

It is rare that a feral or stray cat requires euthanasia due to illness, trauma or infectious diseases. In addition, the lifespan of a feral cat compares favorably to the lifespan of a pet cat. Feral cat caregivers can take steps to make feral cats more comfortable, such as neutering them, feeding them and providing shelter. This promotes the cats’ well-being, improves relationships with the neighbors and assists the people who live nearby to understand and co-exist with the cats.

Most feral cats don’t require intervention beyond Trap-Neuter-Return.

Abigail (Spots) Female 1 Year Old

Kittens 8 Weeks Old

AUGUSTA’S INDEPENDENT VOICE SINCE 1989

METROSPIRIT 41

LINE

I can’t believe Matt Aitken is running for a second term. I guess Billy Morris and Paul Simon want another free parking deck from the taxpayers and need his vote again.

Was so excited to see and welcome a new restaurant in North Augusta.

Unfortuantely their loud, drunk and obnoxious employees are already ruining the neighborhood. I ate their twice already, but won’t be back. Hearing your employees cheering and taking shots out back is a disgrace.

Josh Ruffin needs to stick to stuff he knows, like beer. In his May 3 column he again bashes Conservatism and Christians by using Ezekiel. He is right to point out that it exhorts us to help the poor, which by the way, Conservatives do far more often and substantively than do Liberals (Arthurs Brooks “Who Really Cares”), but it does not damn the rich. The rich don’t become that way through idleness Read Proverbs, Josh! And Of course we are offended by Planned Parenthood, the biggest abortion provider in the nation (killing - also mentioned in the Bible) and sex-pushers among teens - called fornication in the Bible, Josh. And BTW, Obamacare rations healthcare and cuts Medicare by 500 million, JR. Try again.

When will your paper do a story about Queen Madge Woodard of The DDA and how she rules over downtown with an iron fist? She took away our lovely clock and treats small business owners like peasants. She never gets input from us; she just does everything on a whim. For downtown to thrive, Queen Madge must go!

Let’s see here, in the District 1 commission race you have a clueless incumbent, a nobody, a paranoid loudmouth, and someone who might be a witch. That’s a whole lot of crazy right there. No matter who wins that one, Augusta is pretty much screwed.

Hey Metro Spirit editors, maybe you should hire Jill Peterson to write The Insider?

Didn’t she used to write for The Spirit Years ago? And if you’re lucky, you can get her buddy Brad Owens for free. They could write about all of their various conspiracy theories involving Augusta government and how there is this evil Cabal trying to kidnap our babies and poison our drinking water. You could call their column: News of the Paranoid.

Augusta has too many fat women! I’m talking FAT! Last chick I went out with only wanted to go to buffets. I have managed to put up with how bad this place smells, but I can’t handle all the fat chicks. Maybe Sir Mix-a-lot would like it but Augusta is like a big Fat farm.

That woman who was overpaid for work she didn’t do with a long time bad work record: She shouldn’t have been just demoted to hourly work, she should have been fired. At the least, she needs to give back her 10 weeks of sick leave into the pool because she was unwilling to use her leave time up first and held onto it, using up other people’s sick leave time. Shame on her!

Willy Mays, where are you? If you are out there listening, please jump into the District 1 commission race and save us from the crazies who are currently running.

Stanley Hawes? I’ve never heard of him. He has no chance. Come one Willy, Augusta needs you! If you jumped in you would win in a landslide!

I hope Lori Davis gets trounced in the upcoming commission election. Maybe that will finally shut her up and make her go away. We are all getting pretty tired of her tirades.

No wonder Harlem Middle School is step redhead children of Columbia County Schools, while most school welcome parents, HMS front office states they want no parents in their school. While most other schools give special counselings after a tramatic event, Harlem Middle forbids their students from speaking about their classmate getting shot. Hmmmm... wonder why all the other school out perform.

Maybe its cause Harlem Middle does everything backwards.

I’m so glad to see my tax dollars hard at work, cleaning the Hephzibah cemetery by breaking or stealing everything.

If you are making a list of questions to one day ask the Sheriff Candidates, I got a question. Would you allow the use of Tasers, Or should I just say, I’m looking to support a candidate that does

A Day In The Country should be called “A Day With The Rednecks.” It was like 42 METROSPIRITAUGUSTA’S INDEPENDENT VOICE SINCE 1989

Have something you want to get off your chest? Send your whines to whineline@themetrospirit. com. If you do so by noon on Friday, you might just see it in the next Thursday’s issue. Oh, and whines may be edited for content but will pretty much be printed exactly as you type them.

Maurice Sendak’s Fresh Air Interviews The last time Terry Gross interviewed “Where the Wild Things Are” author Maurice Sendak was in September of 2011. It wasn’t the first time, but it was the most heartbreaking and honest interview I’ve ever heard. Sitting in the car line, waiting to pick my daughter up from school recently, NPR replayed what would be Sendak’s final Fresh Air interview (even though he said he hoped it would not be) during a campaign drive and the author’s pain almost brought me to tears. If you can listen to the following quote and not at least get a lump in your throat, then you have no heart: “I have nothing now but praise for my life. I’m not unhappy. I cry a lot because I miss people. They die and I can’t stop them. They leave me and I love them more. ... What I dread is the isolation. ... There are so many beautiful things in the world which I will have to leave when I die, but I’m ready, I’m ready, I’m ready.” So it seems appropriate, after Sendak’s death at 83 on Tuesday, to visit npr.org/ programs/fresh-air/ and listen to some of the most fascinating conversations ever recorded. We’ll miss you, Maurice.

— Amy Christian

WERECOMMEND

a festival of white trash minus Jerry Springer. I think there were about 3 teeth among the whole crowd. What a loud and uncivilized bunch, but then it pretty much perfectly represented Disgusta.

Shame, shame, and more shame, to our so-called leaders and elected officials all the way to the president of this free country for allowing a weed that is the SAFEST DRUG KNOWN TO MAN to remain illegal. It is physically impossible to OD from it. Do you believe there is another drug that can boast that fact? No, because there is none. You would skeet your britches if you really knew the number of people close to you that smoke it regularly.

The beggars and streetrats are getting out of hand on Broad st., again. Just because Masters is over doesn’t mean the police can be lazy.

The ‘Ruffin It’ article for May 3 really is missing the point of following God’s Word.

I am a Christian and I take offense at his writings to refer to us as hypocrites for being a Republican. The Bible does NOT say that the Government is the one that has to provide for everyone free or limited services.....those more fortunate ARE called to care for those not as fortunate but I do not feel that our government should be allowing folks to freeload services that are not improving themselves or society as a whole when they are able. I am a Republican because I want small government & want my extra income to go to charities that I choose to support not paying taxes to a government that can’t even agree on a budget and they sure as heck aren’t balancing one.

Regarding the District One Commission race in Augusta. I’d say that any of the challengers would be an improvement over Matt Aitken, who has proven that he is in there to work for the interests of Billy Morris and Paul Simon instead of his constituents. But I’d say from everyone I have seen thus far, I would vote for Lori Davis, because she seems to be a real fighter who is unafraid to go after exposing the corruption in Augusta’s government. The other candidates seem like nice people, but we need someone tough to clean up this mess and that’s Lori.

What is this trend with people trying to take down historic buildings with barely any

DECLASSIFIED

WHINE

V23|NO19

WHINELINE@THEMETROSPIRIT.COM

information beforehand? Seems the Board of Education is buzzing around the historic Cauley-Wheeler building on the campus of Laney High School. Now another entity is responsible for wanting to tear down the Immaculate Conception building that was only recently occupied? Save our historic buildings, people!!!

To the person judging a couple as interracial who supposedly wanted a purebred dog: It does not matter the races of the parents of human or furry children, love is not colored. Get over yourself!

Please have information about the food trucks and where they will visit. Thanks for any info possible!

So that whiner thinks Austin’s column was spot on? How about facts. First, Bill Clinton left Dubya with a budget surplus and it took that empty suit 8 years to drive the country off a cliff. Clinton governed by polls moreso than any other president?

Another laugher. Karl Rove, aka Turd Blossom, was, and still is, the most poll driven campaign man in all of politics. Dubya tried to act presidential and forgot his conservatism? Read above again, Dubya was an empty suit with no political convictions whatsoever. He was Karl “Edgar Bergen” Rove’s Charlie McCarthy. On to our current President, another Democrat left with a huge Republican mess to attempt to clean up (read above and refer to the load of budgetary crap GHW Bush left Clinton) against the wishes of the Republican Congress. It is just refreshing to have an individual with great depth of thought, as well as a plan, as opposed to his predecessor, the sophomoric overgrown frat boy who simply got played by the neocons and the radical economists he surrounded himself with.

Ok, so a witch is running for the Augusta commission. Well maybe the only thing that can clean up the corruption at The Marble Palace is a little hocus pocus. Maybe she can wiggle her nose and get Deke to tell the truth for a change. Maybe she’ll be endorsed by Christine O’Donnell? Who said Augusta isn’t cool? Hell, we have witches running for the commission. THat’s pretty damn awesome if you ask me.

Now that Richie Rich got the nod from the Republitards, reckon he’ll show us his fancy new car elevator.

All Yard Work 35 Years Experience

KRIS FISHER '- (YHQW +RVW

Mow, Trim, Fertilize, Tree Work, Hauling, etc.

Great References and Prices.

2YHU \HDUV RI '-LQJ UDGLR H[SHULHQFH 5HIHUHQFHV DYDLODEOH

:HGGLQJV %LUWKGD\V 3DUWLHV $QQLYHUVDULHV (WF

$Q\ *HQUH RI 0XVLF 706.399.4209 | kfish@rocketmail.com

DJKFISH.COM

Call for a free quote today!

Andrew Jones 706.833.3060

All declassified ads are Cash in Advance (credit card payment required) (actual size) 1.5” x 1.9” Tall and are $40 per week. Visit metrospirit.com to place your ad in minutes. $40 per week 10MAY2012