Metro Spirit 05.17.2012 by Metro Spirit

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Metro Spirit is a free newspaper published weekly on Thursday, 52 weeks a year. Editorial coverage includes local issues and news, arts, entertainment, people, places and events. In our paper appear views from across the political and social spectrum. The views do not necessarily represent the views of the publisher. Visit us at metrospirit.com.© 15 House, LLC. Owner/Publisher: Joe White. Legal: Phillip Scott Hibbard. Reproduction or use without permission is prohibited. One copy per person, please.

INSIDER JENNY IS WRIGHT AUGUSTA TEK AUSTIN RHODES

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METRONEWS NY TIMES CROSSWORD RUFFIN’ IT

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EVENTS CALENDAR

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THE8 CUISINE SCENE

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CONTENTS

Want to advertise in the Metro Spirit? 706.496.2535 or 706.373.3636

COVER DESIGN | KRUHU

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INSIDER@THEMETROSPIRIT.COM Insider is an anonymous, opinion-based examination of the hidden details of Augusta politics and personalities.

SIDER

Dogfight Near Rains Hall on the campus of ASU, the president of the university, William Bloodworth, has an assigned parking spot. It is marked by a sign that says “Reserved for the President.” It is three handicapped spots, two visitor spots, a stretch of grass and the width of a sidewalk farther away from the front door than the parking spot depicted here.

THUMBS

That dude on “The Bachelorette”… the girl receiving excellent treatment at Doctors Hospital for the flesh-eating bacteria… Augusta’s in the national news for something other than golf, y’all!a

down

Four Greenbrier High School girls are charged with felonies after supergluing locks on school doors. Yet budding sadists and self-professed Charlie Rape Gang members get off with community service and parole. That’s fair.

METROSPIRITAUGUSTA’S INDEPENDENT VOICE SINCE 1989

The District 12 Congressional race heated up over the last few days when Rick Allen’s campaign fired off an ethics complaint against Wright McLeod. Allen’s camp, specifically his campaign manager Scott Paradise, filed an official complaint with the Federal Election Commission in Washington, accusing the McLeod campaign of stealing proprietary donor information from Rick W. Allen for Congress, accepting excessive contributions involving the Wright McLeod campaign office and failing to properly disclose expenditures by failing to itemize campaign expenses and reimbursements. The conclusion according to the complaint? “Due to the volume and pattern of these violations, which suggest either incompetence or willful disregard for the law, we urge the Commission to take actions to investigate these matters fully and to carefully review all aspects of operations of the McLeod campaign for other potential violations.” Soon after the story broke, the McLeod campaign shot back with a press release claiming McLeod was being attacked for being too frugal. “Allen Campaign Calls on McLeod to Follow Their Example to Spend and Borrow,” the press release read. The McLeod campaign recently announced that it had spent less than the other viable candidates, including Allen. While such sparring between campaigns is normal and shows that the election season is finally starting to heat up, insiders point out that seldom does a campaign itself sign on to a complaint like this. Whether it shows desperation, inexperience or genius remains to be seen, but it seems that the complaint has been successful at establishing one thing — right now, McLeod is the candidate with the target on his back, and if you’ve got a target on your back, insiders say you’re the one out in front of everyone else.

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A Festivus for the Rest of Us For those of you who don’t remember, Festivus is the holiday George Costanza’s family celebrated instead of Christmas. Instead of a tree, there’s a bare aluminum pole (bare, because George’s father found tinsel distracting) and instead of singing Christmas carols there’s the ritual airing of grievances. In other words, it’s the perfect holiday for Augusta commissioners, especially Bill Lockett and Alvin Mason, who managed to bring back all that stuff we’d almost forgotten about. The TEE Center parking deck. The management contract. The land trade. The $7 million lien. Thanks to the Forensic Audit Subcommittee, it’s all back, and Lockett seemed to be in a particularly festive Festivus mood during the meeting. The airing of grievances? It’s better to give than to receive. When the staff appointed to the subcommittee recommended focusing the scope of the audit, which they had warned could get real expensive real fast (even Mason admitted it could cost as much as a million dollars) Lockett would just remember something else he needed to add to the list. Oh, and the Land Bank transfer. Throw that in, too. (He tried, but apparently the transfer hasn’t actually occurred yet, which made adding it to the list a tad problematic, since you can’t really audit something that hasn’t happened). Lockett was so full of the Festivus spirit that he seemed unwilling to believe that the city would have to pay the high-priced outside lawyers for their time should the comprehensive forensic audit actually move forward. Maybe he thought the highpriced bond attorneys would be moved by the spirit of the holiday and forgo their billable hours. It’s a Festivus Miracle! And as far as the object of it all goes — the search for criminal activity — Lockett failed to see what the staff — heathens who obviously have reasons to fear Festivus (ask Tom Beck how he feels about the airing of grievances) — was gently trying to tell him. It’s not enough that something smells fishy, there’s got to be at least some evidence of a smoking gun before you can legitimately unleash a forensic audit, and so far they haven’t been able to do that. The Festivus Pole, though. They’ve managed to plant that one squarely in the center of the commission chambers.

Et tu, Alvin?

OPEN 7 DAYS

IN FRONT OF WALMART IN EVANS

Remember your high school Shakespeare? The Friends, Romans, countrymen speech? Well, lend me your ears. In the play “Julius Caesar,” Mark Antony gave a speech where he complemented Brutus and the rest (for Brutus was an honorable man — so were they all honorable men) for killing Caesar and then went about burying Caesar, not praising him. In fact, he did such a good job of not praising him that the crowd forgot how much they despised their ruler and ended up running the honorable Brutus and his honorable men straight out of town. Alvin Mason pretty much accomplished the same thing on the steps of the John H. Ruffin Jr. Courthouse steps when he came to rally voters, not protest. Just like Antony, however, he made it clear that if he were to protest, he would have no shortage of topics, including the Tee Center parking deck, the reorganization of government and the reduction in garbage service. Not only that, he blasted the media for portraying the gathering, which was billed as a way to show that the community was unhappy with the changes that have happened as a result of commission votes and actions by the state delegation, as a protest rather than a voter registration rally. Of course, there was voter registration information — statistics confirming the power of certain voting blocks and the importance of registering to vote — though very few availed themselves of the opportunity. Mason, though. He had a lean and hungry look.

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JENNY IS WRIGHT

15 in 5 Because I love a list. Especially a random list. 1. I always get stuck sitting in front of the popcorn chewer and seat kicker at the movies. Every time. 2. What’s up with these people who talk throughout a movie? You pay all this money, and then you don’t even watch. I didn’t spend my (husband’s) hard-earned cash to hear you and your husband talk about the neighborhood gossip. I do want to hear about it, though. Meet me later? 3. The Girl was so confused as to why we couldn’t talk about the candy I had in my purse. Here’s the deal, kiddo. You can get that same candy at the drug store for 1/20th of the price. It’s not really lying. I like to think that I’m teaching resourcefulness and financial creativity. 4. I’m (hopefully) halfway through the broken finger recovery process. You’d assume that I’m most looking forward to showering with two hands or typing with all 10 fingers. Nope. I can’t wait until I no longer point at everyone all the time. 5. I actually was slightly lectured about the fact that my finger break was my own fault. It was a freak accident. If she tried with all her might, there’s no way she’d be able to aim a ball at and hit the tip of my finger again. 6. Tennis is a pretty friendly sport, but I’ve broken a tooth and a finger while playing. Never mind that I bent over and hit a chair while picking up a ball, which is how the tooth shattered. The chair was on a tennis court, so it counts. 7. I miss playing tennis. Before my finger was broken, I played at least four times a week. Because I’m going to Mexico in June, I needed a backup workout plan. I sort of started running. Anyone who knows me well knows that this is a major stretch. I can go about two miles, which is two miles farther than I could go BFB (Before Broken Finger). 8. Don’t tell anyone, but I kind of enjoy running. 9. I truly believe that might be possible solely because I have cute shoes. Solely. Ha. 10. Speaking of shoes, what do y’all think about little girls wearing high heels? At what age do you think it’s appropriate? The jury’s still out on this one, but I have assured The Girl that six is way too young.

11. Speaking of young, should eight-year-old girls be calling eight-year-old boys? Is it prudish to wonder? The Boy got a call from his “girlfriend” the other day. They talked for 45 minutes. Maybe it’s not a big deal, but maybe I’m not ready for all that. 12. Search terms to find my column online: “jennyiswright smashed potatoes smashed potatoes,” “grandmothers who go commando” and the always popular, “cleaning car no panties.” I can’t imagine how disappointed these pervs must be when they happen upon my column, rather than nekkid grandmas with smashed potatoes smashed potatoes. 13. It’s finally the end of the school year. I don’t know about y’all, but I’m a big fan of summer time. We get to sleep in, have lunch in our pajamas and after school activities come to a screeching halt. They’ll both do swim team and Vacation Bible School, but otherwise, we’re going to the pool. I may go to work a little. 14. It’s almost impossible for me to believe that I nearly have first and third grade children. It’s cliché, but each phase really is better than the last. They’re little people now, and it’s more fun than I ever thought possible. 15. Congrats to all of the high school grads out there. It’s such an exciting time. Let your Mama cry when you leave. She’s not trying to embarrass you — she just can’t imagine her home without you. Let your Daddy give you advice. Mine still does. Don’t be ashamed to pay a bill with change found deep in the couch cushions. It happens. Finally, enjoy college. Getting good grades and earning a degree are obviously the main goals. Just know this: you will never, ever again experience such a small amount of responsibility. Once you’re done, it’s real-world time, and there’s no turning back. Cheers! (With Sprite, until you’re 21.)

JENNYWRIGHT lives in Summerville with her husband, who she calls The Man, and two kids, who she affectionately calls The Boy and The Girl. She enjoys taking photos, cooking and playing tennis.

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AUGUSTA TEK Mash It Up

A couple of weeks ago, the newly instantiated Augusta chapter of the Technology Association of Georgia held its first regular meeting. For all you technology types, you missed out on a great networking opportunity. TAG-Augusta has attracted the interest of the city’s technology leadership. This meeting focused on the State of Technology in Georgia and some of the trends that we should expect to see in the coming years. One topic that seemed to resonate with everyone is the interest in attracting startup capital from “angel” investors. The policymakers in Atlanta believe that Georgia is capable of attracting the type of venture capital that currently flows in California, Texas and Massachusetts. Given the concentration of technology companies in the Atlanta area, I can’t argue with the assertion that Georgia has the resources. I would even argue that Augusta has an IT skill set that would justify an invitation to the party. However, do we have the collective mindset suitable to engage the high-tech industry? Given the fact that our economy is dominated by safe, low-risk, government jobs, I suspect that it will take some time to acclimate to the high-tech environment. We need to get there, though, so let’s start off with a little bit of education. The Tech Start-Up lifecycle looks something like this: Come up with great idea (note that the term “great” is subjective); pitch great idea to someone with a lot of money; receive funding for great idea; develop great idea to a point where you can ask for additional funding; repeat steps 3 and 4 until an IPO... or funding is cut-off. All tech start-ups begin with a great idea. Contrary to popular belief, they don’t come out of thin air. Strategies exist to create great ideas, and here’s one of the most popular: Mash-Ups. Mash-Ups create a new idea for a web property by combining the features of two existing web properties. Mash-ups can be created a number of different ways. One popular method is the “X for Y” approach, where “X” and “Y” are existing websites, and the new property integrates the best features of each site. A great example of this method hit the web last week: Pinstagram (pinstgram. co). This site is the mash-up between two of the hottest properties on the web, Instagram and Pinterest. For those of you who live under a rock (or still use Blackberries), Pinterest is a virtual pinboard site loved by women to organize and share almost anything you can find on the web. And of course, Instagram is the current darling of start-ups. Last month, Instagram secured a $1 billion buy-out from Facebook kingpin Mark Zuckerberg without ever having to generate a dime in revenue. Given the popularity of Instagram and Pinterest, it seemed like the combination of the two would be a sure thing. In reality, the project came to its creators, Pek Pongpaet, 35, and Brandon Leonardo, 28, as a joke one Friday afternoon. They were playing the mash-up game and came to the pairing “a Pinterest for Instagram.” The story continues on wired.com (read the full article at wired.com/ rawfile/2012/05/pinstagram/). While it remained a joke for a while, Leonardo says that he saw something click in Pongpaet, and later that day the wheels started turning. “The idea really took hold of me,” says Pongpaet. The next morning Pongpaet got in touch with Leonardo. “He was like, ‘Dude, you’ll never believe what I built,’” says Leonardo. It turns out Pongpaet had spent a chunk of the night developing their concept and already had a functional site that had brought their idea to life. “I’m sort of a shoot first, ask questions later kind of guy,” Pongpaet says. After Pongpaet’s original draft, the pair continued working and on Wednesday morning the site went live. So there you go: mash-up to internet darling in a weekend. Now it’s your turn… I’ve given a few examples below to get you thinking. You Tube for Twitter = TwitTube.com: All videos must be 140 frames or less. Groupon for eHarmony = GroupeHarmonie.com: Great deals on discount dating. The rest is left as an exercise for the student. Until next time, I’m off the grid @gregory_a_baker.

GREGORY A. BAKER, PH.D, is vice president and chief rocket scientist for CMA, which provides information technology services to CSRA businesses and nonprofits. 17MAY2012

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AUSTIN RHODES Well, At Least They Are Pretty

I called this one from the start. Or at least the fallout from it. Four Columbia County princesses decide to pull a prank in their last days as high school students. The “prank” results in over $5,000 in property damage, automatically triggering felony level charges of vandalism. Oops. And some prank. Superglue in 43 different door locks. I don’t know what is more depressing, the fact that these ladies did not realize how much expensive property damage they were doing, or even that they had the slightest notion that doing such a thing was going to be the least bit humorous. Let me take a quick moment to share a bit of history with youthful, wannabe comedians and practical jokers all over the CSRA: No one gets away with destructive practical jokes, conducted by two or more high school students, ever. Not in this day and age. This is 2012. Cameras are everywhere. Computers track everything. The cops have surveillance video of the kids, not only on school grounds doing the deed, but, yep, there they are as a group, on the Evans Walmart security tapes, buying some of the tools for the big project. And look at that, they even had some helpful young men carrying out gallons of cooking oil that, I am told, was destined to be spread all over the floors of their wonderful school. Interesting thing about that shopping trip. The girls told the cops they got all the stuff at Wally World, and they do have video of them cruising through the store (as a group) just when they said they were there, but there is no record of any superglue being purchased. As we pointed out earlier, they used enough of the stuff to ruin 43 locks. Did someone forget to pay for the stuff? No way to tell. The girls say they did, the cash register receipts say they did not, and the store video was not able to determine any thing one way or the other. With over 5K in property damage left in their wake, I suppose 20 bucks worth of shoplifted superglue would not have made a whole lot of difference. It may be an incredible stroke of luck if they got away with that one, because an additional charge of shoplifting would not bode well in the court of public opinion for these young scholars. As the aftermath of all this has played out, I have to say I was impressed to hear that the parents of the Four Duncekateers did not make overt moves to do anything other than own

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AUSTINRHODES

The views expressed are the opinions of Austin Rhodes and do not necessarily represent the views of the publisher.

up for their errant offspring. I can only hope that the shiny baubles wrapped as graduation presents for the quartet will be returned to help pay for the damage they wrought. For all you folks who whined about the need to write this all off as a well-intentioned prank, let me remind you; these are Greenbrier girls, they damn well ought to know better. These girls have been preached at about “consequences” their entire lives. Unlike other kids from other neighborhoods, these girls don’t have to worry about the gangbangers next door, the professionalism of their teachers or the source of their next meal. They have it all. Some would suggest, they have too much. The picture I included with the column was posted to my Facebook page, as Greenbrier students were responding to the plight of their classmates. The girl on the right is one of the accused vandals. The one on the left is the daughter of Mary Peel. I only include the name because Mary posted a note under the picture declaring her love for her daughter, which means she must not be bothered by the fact that she and her equally underage friend (and future accused vandal) posted themselves on FB apparently committing a misdemeanor. Which brings two thoughts to mind: First, with parents this dim, are we ever surprised that their kids get into trouble? Second, we should be thankful these girls are all so pretty. Ugly girls rarely get by on such little common sense.

17MAY2012

STI MU LAT ING

THERAPY

ERICJOHNSON

Device gives relief and dexterity to stroke patients Last August the Metro Spirit interviewed Winnette Bradley about the reopening of the Tubman Education Center, where she served as director of alternative education, overseeing the evening program.

Last week, we ran into her at Walton Rehabilitation Outpatient Therapy Center. An ace bandage held her left hand to the handle of a hand bike. “It’s ironic that we would meet again under these circumstances,” she said. Bradley had a stroke on October 15, where she lost much of her left-side movement. Three months later, about the time she started coming to the outpatient center, she lost her husband. In spite of so many setbacks, Bradley remains remarkably positive. “The hand bike is my favorite thing to do,” she said. “It stretches you out.” Like many stroke victims, she has problems using her left hand, which is clenched in a fist. After a stroke, muscles tighten because the brain is sending incorrect messages to the muscles, causing them to tighten. When

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her arm is at rest, the muscles are tight. Not only does that not change, but the constant tightness is physically uncomfortable. To ease the discomfort and hopefully regain the use of her hand, Bradley undergoes 45 minutes of therapy three times a week — the hand bike and the Bioness machine. The hand bike helps stretch out the muscles and the Bioness helps them respond to stimulation. According to occupational therapist Paula Myers, Walton has been using the Bioness machine for about five years. “It sends stimulation to the muscles to make your hand open and close,” she said. “It’s just sort of

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retraining the muscles so they know what to do.” “Muscles have some memory,” said Victoria Brinson, a certified occupational therapist assistant. “If you’re doing something repetitive, it will get better.” Bradley is a believer. “At one point after the stroke, I couldn’t do this at all,” she said, picking up an oversized peg and dropping it into a container. “Now, I can unscrew a bottle top and I can drink water out of a water bottle. I would not have been able to do either right after I had the stroke.” While the therapy helps her regain her independence — she’s working toward learning

how to drive again — it also helps her overcome the emptiness following her husband’s death and the emotion of her recent retirement. “In addition to the help that I’m getting and the therapy session, it’s good for me to have an outlet,” she said. “Now that my husband’s no longer with me and I’m by myself, I have things to do. I enjoy being here.” Though a friend drives her to her therapy sessions, she says she’ll be happy when she can drive herself, and while that may be a ways off, she still enjoys having a goal. The Bioness machine, which slips over her wrist and forearm, provides an electrical stimulus to the muscles, and after using the device, Bradley is able to open her fingers and hold them open.

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“After I finish this, I can go home and grip my face cloth,” she said. “It lasts for a pretty good while.” Though the Bioness machine doesn’t work for everyone — they’ll try it five or six times and if they don’t see any results they’ll stop — it gives a level of relief to many who try. In Bradley’s case, she’s close to transitioning out of therapy, while for some the treatment can be prescribed. “Our therapy sessions are 45 minutes,” Myers said. “Optimal use of this device through research is for the patient to be able to use it each day and work themselves up to two separate sessions for three hours a day.” Because such time isn’t feasible in the outpatient facility, patients can be sent home for training. “There’s a personal program that’s on there — it will kind of do pulsation stretches and it will go through different programs,” Myers said. “That is optimal as far as research is concerned. If we start to see that a patient is benefiting, then we recommend them for a home unit, and at that point we would contact Bioness and they would work with the patient for getting the whole financial thing straightened out and then we would train the patient on it.” For Bradley, the therapy and its effects continue to bring a smile to her face and strength to her hand.

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ERICJOHNSON

Audit Process Perplexes

Subcommittee meets to give scope — and a budget — to the forensic audit Members of the Forensic Audit Subcommittee spent much of their first meeting determining the proper scope of the audit so that the firms wanting to bid on the job have some idea what they’re bidding on. They also discussed the potential expenses of the audit as well as the reasons for doing one. The subcommittee was created when bidders for the forensic audit, which was voted on last December when commissioners expressed uneasiness over the details of the TEE Center’s parking deck, voiced questions about the audit’s budget and scope. Procurement Director Geri Sams sent out request for proposals to 106 companies. Of that 106, 18 attended the mandatory pre-bid conference and the city received 86 questions about the forensic audit, mainly about the budget. Similar municipalities spent from $85,000 to $250,000 for a forensic audit, Sams said. Over the last four years, the government-wide external audit — a much simpler financial audit — averaged $190,000 while internal audits were funded on a project by project basis, where the CPA charges between $150 and $200 an hour. Commissioner Bill Lockett, who is the chairman of the subcommittee, said he conducted some research a few months ago and insisted that there is not a great difference between the cost of a forensic audit and a regular audit. He figured $200,000 ought to represent a ballpark figure to recommend to the commission. Whether the commission will agree to spend that much on a forensic audit is doubtful, especially given the cautionary tone taken by the staff members assigned to the subcommittee, who spent much of the time instructing the commissioners on the finer points of forensic audits. Finance Director Donna Williams in particular emphasized restraint, pointing out that the differences between financial audits, which use one firm, and a forensic audit, which looks at every transaction, can be considerable. “With a forensic audit, the firm that is engaged will be utilizing the resources of — and asking questions of — any parties that were involved in the deal,” she said. And that can be costly. For example: the bonding attorneys. “Those guys bill out at a substantially higher rate than any CPA that we’ve ever dealt with,” she said. “We would be incurring those over and above the scope you set for the forensic audit.” In other words, if the commission allocated $200,000 to a firm to conduct a forensic audit, there would be significant additional costs. She recommended that if they wanted to cap the initial cost at $200,000, 40 to 50 percent of that should be designated to the firm with the remainder left to the expenses of the people they would have to use in order to do their investigation.

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“You need to be cognizant of the fact that just because select firm XYZ to conduct this investigation, that’s not going to be the only expense,” Williams said. Though staff members recommended narrowing the scope of the forensic audit, Lockett seemed to feel limiting the audit to the TEE Center parking deck was narrow enough. He also seemed to feel the additional costs wouldn’t be assessed to the city. “With these outside attorneys that you are paying these big bucks to — they should have a paper trail of what they’ve done and we shouldn’t have to pay them any more at all,” he said, at which point attorney Wayne Brown, who was representing general council Andrew MacKenzie, put his head in his hands. “Okay,” he said patiently. “You can make that demand, but it’s not gong to be honored, and it’s not appropriate. These are professionals and professionals are paid for all the time that they take in a transaction.” That means that just because it’s a forensic audit doesn’t mean the outside agencies aren’t going to bill you for whatever time they’re forced to spend answering questions and compiling information. Most likely, they’ll be paid the same rate to participate in the audit as they were paid to participate in the original transaction. Brown also tried to pin Lockett down on what he was searching for with the forensic audit. “Honestly,” he said when discussion turned to the management contract portion of the issue. “Why is it that should be looked at? What is the suspicion?” “My suspicion is that we’re not getting our fair share of the proceeds,” Lockett said. “If we’re not getting our fair share from the money, why would you think that arrangement would ever be set up?” Brown asked. “Because of what I’ve been preaching for the last six months,” Lockett said. “We need a professional contract person because we’re giving away city assets because we don’t have people versed in how to give a contract.” “Do you think that’s bad management or do you think there’s fraud connected to that?” Brown asked. “Do I have to answer that?” “No, but I’m simply saying that if you think there’s fraud, you should have a forensic audit,” he said. “If you think it’s poor management, it would not be the subject matter of a forensic audit.” “Sometimes, you know, management can be so poor that you think it has to be criminal,” Lockett said. The committee meets next on May 29, with the pre-bid conference with the vendors moved to mid-June.

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A-V CLUB

By Alex Vratsanos / Edited by Will Shortz 97 Mex. women 98 Bit of a jam 99 Valuable violin 103 “Zip-___-Doo-Dah” 105 Two-finger keyboard shortcut in Windows 109 Itinerary info 111 “Love ___” 112 Old country name from the Portuguese for “beautiful” 114 Common houseplant with colorful blooms 117 Competitor at a hippodrome 118 Speaker of the line “He thinks too much: such men are dangerous” 119 Store, as corn 120 Kind of organ or overload 121 Some of them are marching 122 Got in the end

45 Dickensian cry 46 Some succulents 50 Brandy, for one 51 1920s Olympic track gold medalist Paavo ___ 52 Tooth: Prefix 54 Yakutsk’s river 55 Parry 56 Newsman Roger 57 Bric-a-___ 59 Intense hankering 60 Setup, of a sort 62 Bakery display 63 Tub-thump 65 Sailor’s cry 66 Portable home 67 Desktop feature 68 They come out of the head 69 One of Egypt’s plagues 70 Arrow shooter 73 Like a shoe Down 76 Cancún, por ejemplo 1 In-box contents 77 Barbecue blocks 2 Pickle 78 Portray 3 Botulin, e.g. 79 Go easily (through) 4 Record label for the Kinks and 80 Hi-tech special effects Pink 81 French ___ 5 Abbr. to the left of a number 83 Actress Farrow 6 Falco of “The Sopranos” 84 “Just for the taste of it” or 7 Pardoned “Just do it” 8 Tom, Dick or Harry 86 ___ U.S. atty. 9 Part of the Pentateuch: Abbr. 87 Embodiments 10 Alphabet quartet 90 Golf pencil’s lack 11 No Mr. Nice Guy 91 It might go up via an 12 Wyo. neighbor escalator 13 Like Quito and La Paz 92 Like some garages 14 Place to see una ópera 93 No more than 15 Wager 94 Drifts 16 Bibliographical abbr. 95 Not just esteem 17 Greek with a storied life 96 “Great blue” creature 18 Brunch serving 100 On again 19 Word often preceded by poly- 101 Singer with the 24 Multitudes multiplatinum albums “19” and 29 Bawl out “21” 32 Kind of surprise 102 Was sweet (on) 34 Shiver-inducing stare 104 CPR pros 36 Shakespeare contemporary 106 Crunchy munchie 39 Steadfast 107 Beginning to cry? 40 Locker rooms often have them 108 Born’s partner 41 Romeo’s “two blushing 110 Cinematographer Nykvist pilgrims” 113 Oklahoma Indian 42 Bldg. directory listings 115 Sussex suffix 43 Microchannel 116 Like Haydn’s Symphony No. 44 Narc’s find 12 or 29

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PREVIOUSPUZZLEANSWERS

Across 1 Something you willingly part with? 7 Air Force college athlete 13 Calm 20 Tied up 21 Nervous 22 Fixes 23 Have, say 25 Record collection? 26 Protector of the dead, in Egyptian myth 27 As a result 28 Seek (out) 30 Easy run 31 Slowly 33 It runs down the neck 35 Title role for Kilmer and Costner 37 In accordance with 38 They’re likely to blow 44 Keglers’ org. 47 A state symbol 48 No laughing matter, e.g. 49 Savanna grazer 53 Insensitive 55 Turkeys 56 At a glance 58 “Friends” friend 59 Ridicules 60 Reciprocally 61 Bismarck-to-Grand Forks dir 62 Some acting awards 63 Decidedly eligible, in a way 64 Invoice abbr. 65 Not seeing eye to eye 68 End of the main part of the Constitution 71 Flashed hand signal 72 Canadian Indian 73 Bit of a jam 74 “Either you do it ___ will” 75 Often-dried fruit 78 Get-rich-quick scheme? 79 Nix 82 Annual quartet 83 ___ Bornes (classic card game) 84 Certain link 85 10 kilogauss 86 Sister ___, 1920s-’30s evangelist 87 Noted ring family 88 Foreign one 89 Electrical pioneer 94 Crib cry

A S N E R A V T A I N T T O V E C S O S E O S O T C E H O R I E D

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D E E R

YES, IT'S THAT SIMPLE. Elliott Sons Funeral Homes ELLIOTTFUNERALHOME.COM

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TERENCEBARBER

Your Weird Week in Crime Is Augusta-Richmond County really as crime ridden as you think it is? As the crimes and the times change, so will the report. When in pays to be on the PTA On Thursday, May 10, the National Hill Elementary School’s Parent-Teacher Association Inc. received a letter from C. Drott and Associates that the PTA had an outstanding balance of $6,458.10. When the bank statements were reviewed, the missing money (and possibly more) could not be accounted for. Everything and the kitchen sink On Monday, May 7, it was reported an Augusta residence was entered by an unknown number of burglars. Taken: a hot water heater, kitchen sink, bathroom sink with attached cabinet, bathtub, sheet metal table top and copper pipe. Hope you were hungry On Tuesday, May 8, it was reported that an unknown number of burglars entered a business through an unsecured roll up door and stole 18 watermelons with a total value of $144. May Madness On Tuesday, May 8, RCSD was called to settle a domestic dispute. As an officer was interviewing the alleged suspect, the alleged victim attempted to drive off in her vehicle. The suspect grabbed onto the vehicle causing the victim to slam the brakes. The suspect then climbed into the vehicle and punched the victim in front of officers while making threats. The victim refused to press charges. On Tuesday, May 8, an Augusta resident got into a verbal argument with his exboyfriend when the suspect hit him in the face and broke the victim’s cell phone and flat screen TV. The victim’s sister attempted to stop the altercation but the suspect then sprayed lighter fluid on her face and head. The sister fled the scene to call RCSD. On Tuesday, May 8, RCSD was called to settle a domestic dispute. The victim stated that her ex-boyfriend was upset over some messages between her and another male and came over to pick up some clothing. The victim refused to let him in, citing past violence, and that’s when the suspect forced his way in, breaking the front door. The victim said that she was punched in the face and kicked in the stomach repeatedly, to make sure that she did not have his child, and he threatened to kill her and her other children. When officers arrived, they observed injuries consistent to the victim’s story. Peace and chicken grease On Thursday, May10, it was reported that two men stole used waste cooking oil and grease from Zaxby’s. The suspects had a tanker-like truck to store the oil and grease, and cut the lock from the container. The estimated worth of the oil and grease is $60.

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Crime totals for the week 105 counts of larceny (both felony and misdemeanor) 42 counts of invasion of privacy 29 counts of assault 18 counts of property damage Nine counts of financial fraud Six counts of burglary with forced entry (time unknown) Six counts of burglary with no forced entry (daytime) Six counts of motor vehicle theft Five counts of burglary with forced entry (daytime) Five counts of forgery Five counts of burglary with forced entry (night time) Four counts of burglary with no forced entry (time unknown) Four counts of theft/mislaid property Three counts of identity fraud Two counts of armed robbery Two counts of public peace disturbance One count of burglary with no forced entry (night time) One count of possession of tools to commit a crime One count of giving false information to a law enforcement officer One count of stalking (felony)

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Ruffin’ It

What Waiting Tables Hath Wrought A good pop song is harder to craft than most people realize. It takes much more than, as Tom Morello — discussing his Night Watchman project — put it, “three chords and the truth.” If that were true, every pop song would be G-C-D and the only lyrics would be “Life is s**t.” Which, come to think of it, was how the Sex Pistols actually became and stayed a thing for several years, so maybe this column is already about as sturdy as a trampoline on quicksand. But I’m fresh off of pulling two doubles at work and have a job interview in 12 hours, so I’m running with it. And you, Augusta, are gonna lash your right leg to my left, and we’ll limp drunkenly through this thing together. M’kay? So. Pop songs. I’ve been waiting tables and slinging booze at a local restaurant here in Madison for over a month now and, truth be told, it’s not an awful gig. Tips are good, and at least one out of every nine co-workers isn’t an a-hole. Like most restaurants, we keep a playlist on loop for the entirety of our business hours. Unlike most restaurants, it’s literally four songs long. And since I’ve gotten so good at my job that I can pretty much operate on autopilot, I’ve had a lot of time to think about these four songs way too hard. And when you turn off your brain’s tendency to clamp down on a sexy melody, you begin to realize that the lyrics’ real-world implications are terrifying. These are those implications. 1. Crowded House, “Weather with You” Key Lyric: “Always take the weather with you, everywhere you go.” Though the bulls**t sensors of an astute listener will commence wailing as soon as the sitar lick kicks off the song, this is actually a pretty well-crafted tune. It’s sunny without being syrupy, uplifting and encouraging while coming in just short of Hulk Hogan growling fire safety tips. And as the midday sun streams in through the blinds just above future diabetes patients shoveling sauerkraut and corned beef into their gaping maws, it does seem to make the day better for its three-and-a-half minute run time. But look at that lyric: “Take the weather with you.” This song may have come out in 1991, but it was clearly written by channeling the fever dreams of time-traveling prophets, sent back to herald a future where civilization has crumbled because everyone is a member of the X-Men. Apparently the Professor isn’t around, because no one’s learned to control their powers. The song might as well go “Always turn into a leopard” or “Always summon cats.” Still, none of that can compare to the horrifyingly bad taste with which Jimmy Buffet sang this song as a Hurricane Katrina benefit. He may as well have covered

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Ludacris’ “How Low Can You Go” for victims of elevator crashes. 2. Train, “Drops of Jupiter” Key Lyric: “Now she’s back in the atmosphere, with drops of Jupiter in her hair, eh-eh-ee-yeah-yeah.” Of freaking course we play this song at our restaurant. Since it came out in 2001, every high school prom DJ has been issued a copy of it under threat of death from Train themselves, and I’d like to thank “Wayne’s World” for contributing 15 percent of that joke. The band gets a lot of undeserved flak for creating unabashedly catchy pop songs, but they don’t do themselves any favors having a douchey name and a lead singer who looks like the star of an E! reality show called “When Plastic Surgery Goes Disturbingly Right.” The man’s teeth are an independent energy source, and his hair is a bullet-deflecting sentient organism. He makes Tony Robbins look like your neighborhood schizophrenic. All of that, though, is negligible when you realize that this song is about an alien invasion. More specifically, a race of sulfur-clad harpies with hair made of noxious gasses hurtling with ever-increasing velocity toward our major cities and townships. Have you read up on Jupiter? Drops of that stuff in your hair would probably kill all of the lice and dandruff, sure, but would also eat through your scalp and infect your brain. Now Jupiter controls your brain. And Jupiter wants to feed. 3. Doobie Brothers, “Listen to the Music” Key Lyric: Like you don’t know by now. For a little while, we had B.B. King’s “Sweet Sixteen” playing on rotation. I’m not sure why it got taken off, but I think it may have something to do with the song being about statutory rape. Sure, maybe King was 16 or 17 himself when the storyline of the song is taking place, but he was easily into his 40s or 50s when he recorded it, and hearing it now is… well, the portmanteau “B.B. King of Pop” springs to mind. Anyway, it’s too easy. Statutory rape is too scarily simple of a phrase, enough so that politicians in Nebraska are trying to introduce legislation that paints homosexuals as playground-dwelling ass-predators. So I’m going with this DB quasi-abomination. There are a lot of songs about enjoying life: “Margaritaville,” “Jingle Bells,” “Sabbath, Bloody Sabbath.” But none of them whittle down the infinite complexities of the human experience to such an audaciously pandering degree. “Let the music play?” “Listen to the music?” Dude, I’ve got bills to pay, a wedding to plan and poetry to write so I don’t have to spend the rest of my life tapping kegs of Spotted Cow, and your answer is “Listen to the music?” I’ve been doing that, and all it got me was a convoluted premise for a column. What do you do in your spare time, torture the mentally handicapped with peek-a-boo?

JOSHRUFFIN, an ASU and Metro Spirit alum, is a published journalist and poet,

who just received his MFA from Georgia College & State University. He was once the most un-intimidating bouncer at Soul Bar.

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On Saturday, May 12, several young men between the ages of eight and 18 gathered in a classroom on the second floor of the University of Phoenix to learn the ins and outs of table etiquette from etiquette and protocol consultant Eleather Williams.

SPECIAL

BOND Mentoring group chan ges young lives

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The class is part of the 100 Black Men of Augusta’s Saturday Academy, a monthly meeting of the young men being mentored through the program. In this case, the kids are learning table etiquette in preparation for the national conference and the annual gala, which will be on June 1 at the Gordon Club on Fort Gordon. “The gala is an awareness and fundraising event,” says Malcolm Banks, vice president of operations and public relations. “Normally, it’s a black tie event, but this year we [the mentors] will be wearing black ties, but we’ll have a different uniform for the young

men.” The kids are usually in tuxes for the gala, but because this year’s national conference is in Atlanta, allowing more kids to participate, they decided monogrammed blazers would be more practical than renting all those tuxedos. 100 Black Men of Augusta is the local chapter of 100 Black Men of America, a nonprofit mentoring organization geared toward improving the quality of life within the community and enhancing educational opportunities for all African Americans. The program pairs young black men with adult male mentors, who stay with the kids throughout their involvement with the program. “We’re pretty fortunate in the organization because the mentors go that extra mile, which is so important,” says George Grant, who is currently the senior person in the program. “Phone calls, house calls, school calls — sometimes, the youngsters sort of push against them, but the majority stay in the program because of their mentors.” It’s a relationship that can be very powerful for the kids, who often lack strong male role models. 17MAY2012

Te’Sean McGaney, 15, has been in the program for about seven years and credits his mentor, Mr. O’Conner, with much of his growth. “He’s been more like a father figure to me because my father died when I was two,” he says. “Mr. O’Conner — he basically helped me to be a brighter person than I used to be. I used to be angry about what happened to my father.” McGaney’s father died while driving on a dark road in South Carolina when he was two, and he says one of the projects he did a few years ago — a memory project — helped give him some closure, which in turn helped him to become the confident, outgoing kid he is now. A member of Cross Creek’s orienteering team, which went to a national competition, McGaney wants to study criminal justice, cooking or architecture in college, either at Alabama, Miami University or possibly Oregon. He credits the program for giving him the skills to get there. “At the beginning of each mentoring session, they start out with goal affirmation,” he says. “The mentors teach the younger ones how to set goals, and with the older students, they’re more detailed with us about what goals

we want to set.” Darius Landers has had the same mentor since he started out with the program in 2004. Now, he’s getting ready to graduate from high school and out of the program. He’ll be attending Georgia State in the fall. When he talks about his mentor, Mr. Thomas, it’s clear how deep that relationship can become. “You want to make him proud,” he says. “You don’t want to let him down because he’s been giving you all this advice over all these years. It’s the same thing as with your parents and your family — you don’t want to make them feel bad about your growing up. You have a sense of responsibility to better yourself and strive to be like them.” Though he knows college will present him with a different set of challenges, he says he expects to remain in touch with Mr. Thomas. “It’s going to be hard,” he says. “I’ll have a lot more things to do and he’s also got things going on in his life, but I will try to keep that connection.” 100 Black Men of Augusta was formed in 1994 and has grown steadily ever since. “At first it was a little difficult until word got out,” Grant AUGUSTA’S INDEPENDENT VOICE SINCE 1989

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says. “We’re very fortunate to have a lot of mentors who are in the school system and we have a lot who are in the military.” Grant, a former Marine himself who retired from American Airlines, says the relationship with the mentees extends far beyond the program. “I get calls from mentees all the time,” he says. “They say, ‘Mr. Grant — are you still living?’” While not all mentees stick with the program, there is a common denominator among those who do. “As long as we have parent participation in place, we have about a 90 percent success rate,” Banks says. “If we’ve got a parent who’s not involved and just doesn’t get the kids to the meeting and just doesn’t follow through, it’s hard.” And though the mentors make a commitment to their mentees that goes beyond simply showing up for certain events, Banks makes it clear that they are not legal guardians and that their association can only go so far, or so deep. As an organization, they don’t admit kids who are already in the legal system. They just don’t have the kind of training needed to assist kids with those special kinds of problems. “Our whole goal is to hopefully get all these young men to the point where they graduate from high school and at least go in their chosen field of technical school, military or college,” Banks says. It’s also important that the kids know their horizons include more than their own community. “Even though 99 percent of the people are African American, we understand that in training them, they have to be exposed to every culture, so that when they come back to this community they are a vital part of the entire community,” Banks says. “It’s not just because everybody has the same skin color.” Which is why the table etiquette training is so important. Not only is a proper public demeanor important to succeeding in the general world — even among the youngest members, there is a constant emphasis on the importance of job interviews and the skills needed to ace them — but the process itself instills discipline. Williams’ instruction is upbeat and perfectly tailored for her young audience, but childhood Saturdays aren’t made for getting finicky with silverware and keeping your elbows off the table. Those lessons have a cumulative effect, however, as does the time a mentor spends with his mentee. “I still feel like a kid,” Landers says. “I’ve got a long way to go in life, but I can always call him, even if I’m not still in the program anymore or if I move away somewhere. I can always call him back and he can help me out.” 100 Black Men of Augusta Gala | Gordon Club, Fort Gordon Friday, June 1 | 7 p.m. | $55 For ticket information, call Joe E. Johnson at 706-840-2161

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Arts

Art at Lunch: Window on the West is Friday, May 18, at noon at the Morris Museum of Art and features speaker Arthur J. Phelan, whose collection is featured in the exhibit. Lunch by Shane’s Rib Shack included. Members, $10; non-members, $14. Pre-paid reservations required. Call 706-724-7501 or visit themorris.org. Sunday Sketch is Sunday, May 20, at 2 p.m. at the Morris Museum of Art and allows participants to sketch in the galleries with material supplied by the museum. Free. Call 706-724-7501 or visit themorris.org. Day of Art, hosted by the North Augusta Artists Guild, is each Tuesday from 11 a.m.-3 p.m. at the Arts and Heritage Center and includes a group of artists painting in the center who will answer questions or allow visitors to join in. Call 803-441-4380 or visit artsandheritagecenter.com.

Exhibitions

Binding Wounds, Pushing Boundaries: African Americans in Civil War Medicine is a National Library of Medicine and the National Institutes of Health exhibit that will be on display at the Robert B. Greenblatt Library at GHSU through June 23. Visit georgiahealth.edu. The watercolor works of South Carolina native Renea H. Eshleman are on display now through June 30 at the Kroc Center. Call 706-364-5762 or visit krocaugusta.org. Georgia Brooks: A Moment in Time shows at the Arts and Heritage Center of North Augusta through June 1. The North Augusta resident’s paintings reflect her live during America’s civil rights movement. Call 803-4414380 or visit artsandheritagecenter.com.

Delber t McClinton headlines the annual Blind Willie McTell Blues Festival this Saturday, May 19, at the festival site in Thomson. Gates open at 11 a.m. and music begins at noon with ar tists also including Mama Says and James Cotton. Advanced tickets, $25; $35 at the gate. Children 12 and under get in free. Visit tixonline.com or blindwillie.com. augustaga.gov.

The Yellow Jessamine Festival Art Competition Exhibit, featuring 30 regional artists in a variety of media, shows through June 15 at the Arts and Heritage Center of North Augusta. Call 803-441-4380 or visit artsandheritagecenter.com.

The Blind Willie McTell Blues Festival is Saturday, May 19, with gates open at 11 a.m. and music beginning at noon. Artists performing at the festival site in Thomson include Mama Says, James Cotton and Delbert McClinton. Advanced tickets, $25; $35 at the gate. Children 12 and under get in free. Visit tixonline.com or blindwillie.com.

David Mascaro Studio Group Exhibit, featuring the work of Yong Ae Alford, Cathy Armstrong, Mary Ann Brock, Carolyn Bohn, Sharon Fausnight, Linda B. Hardy, Miriam Katz, Linda Lavigne, David Mascaro and Sue Porterfield, will be on display through June 29 at Sacred Heart Cultural Center. Call 706-826-4700 or visit sacredheartaugusta.org.

Fiddler Megan Lynch performs at the Morris Museum of Art on Sunday, May 20, at 2 p.m. as part of the Music at the Morris Series. Both the performance and the reception with Lynch that follows are free. Call 706724-7501 or visit themorris.org.

Golden Afternoon: English Watercolors from the Elsley Collection shows through July 1 at the Morris Museum of Art. Call 706-724-7501 or visit themorris.org. Window on the West: Views from the American Frontier, an exhibition of more than 60 paintings and works on paper from artists including Frederick Remington, Karl Bodmer and John James Audubon, shows at the Morris Museum of Art through July 22. Call 706-724-7501 or visit themorris.org.

Music

A D’Oyly Carte Evening: Music of Gilbert & Sullivan, presented by the Augusta Opera, is Thursday, May 17, at 7:30 p.m. at the Sacred Heart Cultural Center. $35$45. Visit theaugustaopera.com. Moonlight Music Cruise featuring Tara Scheyer is Friday, May 18, at 7 p.m. at the Augusta Canal. Participants are invited to bring snacks and drinks to the one and a half hour Petersburg Boat cruise. $25. Call 706-823-0440 or visit augustacanal.com. CSRA Southern Gospel Music Association Gospel Sing, featuring seven groups and six soloists, is Friday, May 18, at 7 p.m. and Saturday, May 19, at 6 p.m. at Flowing Wells Worship Center. Call 706-868-5339. May Fest, an outdoor concert featuring gospel, R&B and hip-hop artists, is Saturday, May 19, from 10 a.m.-6 p.m. at May Park. Call 803-279-2330 or visit 17MAY2012

Sweet Music Dessert Concert, featuring Revien from Athens, is Sunday, May 20, at 3 p.m. at St. Andrew Presbyterian Church. $10, including dessert. Call 706736-4575 or visit st-andrew-augusta.org. Davidson Fine Arts Band performs as part of Garden City Jazz’s Candlelight Jazz Series on Sunday, May 20, at the 8th Street River Stage downtown at 8 p.m. $6. Visit gardencityjazz.com. 2012 Hopelands Summer Concert Series, featuring Broadway Re-Bound by the Aiken Community Playhouse, is Monday, May 21, at 7 p.m. at Hopelands Gardens in Aiken. Participants should bring lawn chairs and blankets. Free. Call 803-642-7631 or visit cityofaikensc.gov. Evenings in the Appleby Garden, featuring contemporary music by Mike Santangelo, is Tuesday, May 22, at 8 p.m. Guests are encouraged to bring their own chairs and blankets. Free. Call 706-736-6244 or visit ecgrl.org. Singers interested in participating in the Riverwalk Series’ Star Spangled Concert chorus should contact Keith Shafer, musical director. The concert is Wednesday, July 4, at 7:30 p.m., preceding Augusta’s fireworks display, and rehearsals will be held Wednesday nights in June from 7:30-9 p.m. Call 706339-7208 or email info@riverwalkseries.com. The Salvation Army School of the Performing Arts holds classes each Tuesday. Included is instruction in

piano, drums, guitar, voice and brass. Call 706-3644069 or visit krocaugusta.org.

Literary

Brown Bag Book Club, to discuss “State of Wonder” by Ann Patchett, is Thursday, May 17, at 11:30 a.m. at the Columbia County Library. Call 706-863-1946 or visit ecgrl.org. Book Club meeting, to discuss “Savannah Blues” by Mary Kay Andrews, is Thursday, May 17, at 4 p.m. at the Harlem Branch Library. Call 706-556-9795 or visit ecgrl.org. It’s Your Book Club, featuring author Steve Pemberton who, by Skype, will discuss his memoir “A Chance in the World, is Thursday, May 17, at 6:30 p.m. at the Headquarters Branch Library. Call 706-821-2600 or visit ecgrl.org. East Central Georgia’s Summer Reading Program begins Friday, May 18, and continues through July 20. Categories include Dream Big: Read! for children up to 12 years old, Own the Night for those ages 13-19 and Cover 2 Cover for adults. Visit any branch or ecgrl.org. Friends of Augusta Library will hold its monthly used book sale, the last one until September, in the basement of Appleby Branch Library on Saturday May 19, from 10 a.m.-1 p.m. Call 706-736-6244 or visit ecgrl.org. Monday Night Book Club, featuring “Rebecca’s Tale” by Sally Beauman, meets Monday, May 21, at 6:30 p.m. at the Columbia County Library. Call 706-863-1946 or visit ecgrl.org. Let’s Talk About It Land of Opportunity Book Discussion series, featuring “Ragtime” by E.L. Doctorow, is Tuesday, May 22, at 7 p.m. at the Aiken Public Library. Call 803-642-2023 or visit abbe-lib.org. Book Around Town, a book club at Woodworth Library on Fort Gordon in which members, restaurant hop while discussing books, meets Wednesday, May 23, at 6 p.m. Book selection of the month is Stieg Larsson’s “The Girl with the Dragon Tattoo.” Call 706-791-2323 or visit fortgordon.com.

Booking Signing with James Farmer, Southern Living contributing editor and author of “Porch Living” and “Sip and Savor: Drinks for Party and Porch,” is Thursday, May 24, from 11 a.m.-2 p.m. at the Morris Museum of Art. Call 706-724-7501 or visit themorris.org. Cookbook Club, featuring Jan Karon’s Mitford Cookbook and Kitchen Reader, meets Thursday, May 24, at 4 p.m. at the Harlem Branch Library. Call 706-556-9795 or visit ecgrl.org. Porter Fleming Literary Competition Submissions are being accepted now through July 13. The competition is open to authors ages 18 and old from Georgia, Florida, Alabama, South Carolina and North Carolina, and categories include fiction, nonfiction, poetry and plays. Prizes totaling $7,000 will be awarded. Entry forms and guidelines can be found at themorris.org/ porterfleming.html. Nook tutorials at Barnes and Noble in the Augusta Mall are each Saturday beginning at noon, followed by a Nookcolor tutorial at 12:30 p.m. Free. Call 706-7370012 or visit bn.com.

Dance

Tango Night is every Thursday, 7-9:30 p.m., at Casa Blanca Cafe, 936 Broad Street. Call 706-504-3431 or visit casablancatime.com. Belly Dance Class is every Tuesday at 6 p.m. at Euchee Creek Branch Library. Pre-registration required. Call 706-556-0594 or visit ecgrl.org. Augusta International Folk Dance Club meets Tuesday nights from 7:30-9:30 p.m. at the Augusta Ballet Studio on 2941 Walton Way. No partners needed. First visit free. Call 706-399-2477.

Theater

“Game Show,” a production of the Fort Gordon Dinner Theatre, shows May 18-19 and 24-26. Dinner is at 7 p.m., with the show starting at 8 p.m. $25-$40. Reservations required. Call 706-793-8552 or visit fortgordon.com. “Avenue Q” shows May 18-19 and 24-26 at 8 p.m. at Le Chat Noir. Call 706-722-3322 or visit lcnaugusta.com. AUGUSTA’S INDEPENDENT VOICE SINCE 1989

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“Man of La Mancha,” a production of the Aiken Community Playhouse, shows May 18-19, 25-26 and June 1-2 at 8 p.m. and May 27 and June 2 at 3 p.m. at the URS Center for the Performing Arts. $10-$25. Call 803-648-1438 or visit acp1011.com. Auditions for the Aiken Community Playhouse production of “The Great American Trailer Park Musical” are Sunday-Monday, May 20-21, at 7 p.m. at URS Center for the Performing Arts. The production shows in July. Visit acp1011.com.

Flix

“Muppets from Space” shows Tuesday, May 22, at 10 a.m. at Diamond Lakes Branch Library. Call 706-7722432 or visit ecgrl.org. “Martha Marcy May Marlene” shows Tuesday, May 22, at 6:30 p.m. at the Headquarters Branch Library. Call 706-821-2600 or visit ecgrl.org.

Special Events

Third Thursday Tasting at Wine World in North Augusta is Thursday, May 17, from 5-8 p.m. $5, with $3 rebate upon purchase of featured selections. Call 803-2799522 or visit wineworldsc.com. The Cotton Ball, presented by Historic Augusta, is Thursday, May 17, from 6:30-9:30 p.m. in the gardens of the home of Kate and Trav Paine, 820 Milledge Road. The event will feature dinner from Outback Steakhouse, dessert from Neapolitan Cupcake and Gift Shoppe, a cash bar, mint juleps, music by the Unmentionables and a raffle. Free for members; $50-$75 for non-members to join. Preregistration encouraged. Call 706-724-0436 or visit historicaugusta.org. Bordeaux Tasting Seminar, featuring Jean-Pierre Chambas, founder of Aleph Wines, is Friday, May 18, at 7 p.m. at Wine World in North Augusta and will highlight 12 wines. $20, pre-paid reservation; $25 at

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the door, if space is available. Call 803-279-9522 or visit wineworldsc.com.

the Church of Our Savior in Martinez. Call 706-8631718 or visit oursaviormartinez.net.

Church Yard Sale is Saturday, May 19, from 8 a.m.-1 p.m. at Martinez United Methodist Church. Call 706863-6541 or visit martinezumc.org.

Columbia County Chamber Before Hours is Wednesday, May 23, from 7:30-9 a.m. at the Evans Government Complex. Free for members; $10 for first-time visitors. Call 706-651-0018.

Life Healthy Lifestyle Expo is Saturday, May 19, from 9 a.m.-2 p.m. at USC-Aiken Convocation Center and features free health screenings, demonstrations, health cooking sessions and more. Free. Call 803-643-6901 or visit georgialinatix.com.

Weekly Wine Tastings at Vineyard Wine Market in Evans are each Friday from 4:30-6:30 p.m. and each Saturday from 1-6 p.m. Call 706-922-9463 or visit vine11.com.

Summer Reading Kick-Off Block Party is Saturday, May 19, from noon-3 p.m. at the Headquarters Branch Library. For all ages, participants will be able to pick up their summer reading folders, as well as enjoy snacks, games, crafts, a sidewalk book sale, an inflatable play zone and local bands. Call 706-821-2600 or visit ecgrl.org.

The Augusta Market at the River is every Saturday through October 27 from 8 a.m.-2 p.m. at the 8th Street Bulkhead and features produce, arts and crafts and more for sale, as well as live music and entertainment. Call 706-627-0128 or visit theaugustamarket.com.

Mother-Daughter Tea, sponsored by Cher’s Sisters Only Club, is Saturday, May 19, at 1 p.m. at Goshen Plantation Clubhouse. Free, but pre-registration required. Call 706-619-8801.

Free Skin Cancer-Melanoma Screenings are available by appointment Thursday, May 17, from 6:30-8 p.m. at University Hospital’s Breast Health Center. Call 706774-4141 or visit universityhealth.org.

Thunder Over Augusta, an event celebrating Armed Forces Day that includes live music by JoDee Messina, exhibits, vendors, fireworks and more, is Saturday, May 19, from 2-10 p.m. at Evans Towne Center Park. Visit thunderoveraugusta.com. Wet Paint Party, featuring a silent auction of local artwork, a hair and fashion show, living painting demonstrations and more, is Saturday, May 19, from 7-10 p.m. at the Old Government House on Telfair Street. Free for Greater Augusta Arts Council members; non-members can join and attend fro $25. Call 706826-4702 or visit augustaarts.com. Celtic Evensong and High Tea, featuring musicians Lillie Morris and Neil Morris, is Sunday, May 20, at 7 p.m. at

Health

Breastfeeding Class is Thursday, May 17, at 7 p.m. at Babies R Us in Evans. Pre-registration required. Call 706-774-2825 or visit universityhealth.org. Approaching Parkinson’s Disease with Confidence, GHSU’s 11th annual seminar, is Friday, May 18, from 8:30 a.m.-noon at the Doubletree Hotel. Continental breakfast provided. Pre-registration required. Call 706721-4895 or email astefanakos@georgiahealth.edu. Parkinson’s Disease 101 for Allied Health Professionals, led by GHSU, is Friday, May 18, from 8:30 a.m.-noon at the Doubletree Hotel. Preregistration required. Call 706-721-4895 or email astefanakos@georgiahealth.edu.

Weekend Childbirth Education Class is Friday, May 18, from 6:30-9:30 p.m. and Saturday, May 19, from 9 a.m.-5:30 p.m. at University Hospital. Pre-registration required. Call 706-774-2825 or visit universityhealth.org. Living with Lupus Symposium, a free patient education seminar, is Saturday, May 19, from 1-5 p.m. at the GHSU Alumni Center. Pre-registration required. Call 770-333-5930 or visit lupusga.org. Look Good… Feel Better, a program for female cancer patients who want to restore their self-image and appearance during chemo and radiation, is Monday, May 21, at 5 p.m. at the American Cancer Society’s office. Pre-registration required. Call 706-731-9900 or visit universityhealth.org. Total Joint Replacement Educational Talk is Tuesday, May 22, from 1:30-3:30 p.m. at Doctors Hospital. Pre-registration required. Call 706-651-4343 or visit doctors-hospital.net. Skin Cancer: Know the Facts, led by dermatologist Avis Yount, is Tuesday, May 22, at 6 p.m. at University Hospital. Light refreshments will be served. Free, but pre-registration required. Visit universityhealth.org. Free Bariatric Seminar is Thursday, May 24, from 6-7 p.m. at Doctors Hospital. Pre-registration required. Call 706-651-4343 or visit doctors-hospital.net. Introduction to Infant CPR Class is Thursday, May 24, at 7 p.m. at University Hospital. Preregistration required. Call 706-774-2825 or visit universityhealth.org. Babies, Bumps and Bruises, an infant CPR and safety class, is Thursday, May 24, from 7-9 p.m. at Doctors Hospital. Pre-registration required. Call 706-651-2229 or visit doctors-hospital.net. Child Safety Seat Inspections and Car Seat Class,

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sponsored by Safe Kids East Central, are offered by appointment at either the Safe Kids Office or MartinezColumbia Fire Rescue. Call 706-721-7606 or visit georgiahealth.org/safekids.

Skip to My Lupus meets Thursday, May 17, at 7 p.m. at Aiken Regional Medical Center’s Dining Room A. Call 803-251-9413 or visit aikenregional.com. Young Women With Breast Cancer Support Group meets Friday, May 18, at 12:30 p.m. at University Hospital’s Breast Health Center. Call 706-774-4141 or visit universityhealth.org.

Joint Efforts, presented by Trinity Hospital of Augusta, meets every Thursday from 11-11:45 a.m. at Augusta Bone and Joint, and features a free seminar about knee and hip pain, treatments, medication, food and exercise. Call 706-481-7604 or visit trinityofaugusta.com.

CSRA Parkinson Support Group meeting, featuring speaker Dr. Aparna Vijayan, is Tuesday, May 22, at 6 p.m. at the St. John Towers dining room. Call 706-364-1662.

Infant CPR Anytime Learning Program will be held Thursdays at 6:30 p.m. at the first floor information desk (west entrance) of Georgia Health Sciences University. Visit georgiahealth.edu.

Burn Outpatient Support Group meets Wednesday, May 23, at 2 p.m. at Doctors Hospital. Call 706-651-6660 or visit doctors-hospital.net.

Multiple Sclerosis and Parkinson Disease Aquatics Class meets every Monday and Friday at noon at the Wilson Family Y. Free for members; $3 for nonmembers. Pre-registration required. Call Claudia Collins at 706-922-9664 or visit thefamilyy.org.

Narcotics Anonymous, sponsored by Trinity Hospital of Augusta, meets Fridays and Sundays at 7:30 p.m. Call 706-855-2419 or visit trinityofaugusta.com. AA meets every Sunday and Wednesday at 7:15 p.m. at Aiken Regional Medical Center (Aurora Pavilion), and features an open discussion. Call 800-322-8322 or visit aikenregional.com.

Heart Attack and Stroke Prevention Orientation is every Monday at 6 p.m. and Tuesday at 2 p.m. at University Hospital’s Heart & Vascular Institute (Classroom 3). Call 706-774-5548 or visit universityhealth.org.

Burn Support Group meets every Tuesday at 10:30 a.m. at Doctors Hospital (Lori Rogers Nursing Library, JMS Building). All burn survivors, and their families and friends are welcome. Call Tim Dorn at 706-651-6660 or visit doctors-hospital.net.

Adapted Wii Special Populations available by appointment at the Wilson Family Y, and feature individual ½-hour classes for physically and developmentally challenged individuals of all ages. $10, members; $20, non-members. Call Claudia Collins at 706-922-9662 or visit thefamilyy.org.

Moms Connection, a free support group for new mothers and their babies, meets Tuesdays from 1-2 p.m. at Georgia Health Sciences Building 1010C. Call 706-721-9351 or visit georgiahealth.org.

Support

Look Good, Feel Better Cancer Support Group for women meets Thursday, May 17, at 5:30 p.m. at GHSU’s Cancer Center. Pre-registration required. Call 706-721-0466 or visit georgiahealth.org.

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Southern gentleman and Southern Living Contributing Editor James Farmer will sign copies of his books, “Porch Living” and “Sip and Savor: Drinks for Party and Porch,” on Thursday, May 24, from 11 a.m.-2 p.m. at the Morris Museum of Art. Call 706-724-7501 or visit themorris.org.

Education

Work Networking Group is held each Monday from 8:30-10 a.m. at Grace United Methodist Church

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in North Augusta. A networking and informational meeting for anyone looking for a job, the group meets in room 206 of the Asbury Building and is facilitated by career and business professionals. Call 803-279-7525 or email doctor@pritchardgroup.com. GED classes are offered every Monday and Thursday at 6 p.m. and every Monday-Thursday at 9:30 a.m. at the Headquarters Branch Library (Third Floor Writing Lab). PINES library card required. Call 706-821-2600 or visit ecgrl.org. Computer classes are offered every Thursday at 6 p.m. at the Wallace Branch Library. Call 706-722-6275 or visit ecgrl.org. ESL classes are offered every Wednesday at 6 p.m. at Headquarters Branch Library (Third Floor Writing Lab). Pre-registration required. Call Charles Garrick at 803-279-3363 or visit ecgrl.org. Intermediate Spanish Language Class is each Monday from 2:30-4 p.m. at Friedman Library. Pre-registration required. Call 706-736-6758 or visit ecgrl.org. Beginner’s Spanish Language Class is each Monday from 4-5 p.m. at Friedman Library. Pre-registration required. Call 706-736-6758 or visit ecgrl.org.

Benefits

Karma Yoga is offered at Just Breathe Studio, downtown Aiken, each Friday at 10 a.m. and is free if participants bring a donation of a personal item, which will be given to the Cumbee Center to Assist Abused Persons. Call 803-648-8048 or visit justbreathestudio.com.

Georgia Health Sciences University (GHSU) is conducting a research study with an investigational medication, given along with fluconazole, for the treatment of vulvovaginal candidiasis (VVC or vaginal yeast infection) in women to see if it works better than regular treatment alone. To qualify you must be a healthy non-pregnant and/or nonbreastfeeding female, 18 years or older, but NOT post-menopausal. Qualified participants will receive:  Study medication  Study-related physical exams  Study-related laboratory tests  Compensation for your time and travel  Follow up exam to determine cure For more information, please contact: Angela Goebel, Becky Lambert, or Lynn Allmond Georgia Health Sciences University Department of Family Medicine, Gynecologic Cancer Prevention Center 1423 Harper Street Augusta, GA 30912 706-721-2535 or 706-721-8944

Guided Trail Rides at Hilltop Riding Stables at Fort Gordon are available Saturdays at 9 a.m., 10:30 a.m., noon, 1:30 p.m. and 3 p.m.; Sundays at 9 a.m., 10:30 a.m. and noon; and Wednesday-Friday at 11 a.m. with reservations 24 hours in advance. All trail rides are on a first-come, first-served basis, and participants should arrive 30 minutes prior to the trail ride starting for sign in procedures. $23-$30. Call 706-791-4864 or visit fortgordon.com. Zumba with Sohailla is every Saturday from 10-11 a.m. at the Ballroom Dance Center in Evans. Call 706-4216168 or visit zumbawithsohailla.blogspot.com. Saturday Historic Trolley Tours are Saturdays from 1:30-3:15 p.m. at the Augusta Museum of History. Reservations required 24 hours in advance. $12. Call 706-724-4067 or visit augustamuseum.org. Lakeside Rideouts at Hilltop Riding Stables at Fort Gordon are each Sunday beginning at 1:30 p.m. on a first-come, first-served basis. The ride, which begins at 2 p.m., is a two-hour guided ride to Wilkerson Lake. $45-$50. Call 706-791-4864 or visit fortgordon.com. Yoga Class at Euchee Creek Branch Library meets every Tuesday at 10:30 a.m. Pre-registration required. Call 706-556-0594 or visit ecgrl.org. Nacho Mama’s Group Run is each Tuesday at 6 p.m. and features food and drinks afterwards. Three- and four-mile routes are available for all ages and abilities of runners. Call 706-414-4059 or email jim@ enduranceconcepts.com.

Trolley Run 5K, 10K and Kids Fun Run is Saturday, May 19, at 8 a.m. at Trolley Run Station, 8034 MacBean Loop. $35. Visit active.com.

Hott Shott Disc Golf is each Wednesday at 7 p.m. at Killer B Disc Golf, 863 Broad Street, and features games and prizes for all ages and skill levels. $2. Call 706-814-7514 or visit killerbdiscgolf.blogspot.com/p/ hott-shott.

The Augusta GreenJackets play the Savannah Sand Gnats on Thursday, May 24, at 7:05 p.m. at Lake Olmstead Stadium. $7-$11. Call 706-736-7889 or visit greenjacketsbaseball.com. BlazeSports Swim Team, for all ages of physically challenged swimmers who want to train for competition, meets at the Wilson Family Y. $35 a month, members; $50 a month, non-members. Preregistration required. Visit thefamilyy.org. Wheelchair Tennis is each Monday at 6 p.m., weather permitting, at the Club at Rae’s Creek. Free and open to the public. Call 706-826-5809 or visit alsalley@ wrh.org. Augusta Canal Boat Tours lasting one hour are offered Monday-Saturday at 10 a.m., 11:30 a.m., 1:30 p.m. and 3 p.m., and Sunday at 1:30, 3 and 4:30 p.m. All tours include admission to the Augusta Canal Interpretive Center. Call 706-823-0440 or visit augustacanal.com. The Augusta Fencers Club is open five nights a week from 5:30-9 p.m. and most Saturday mornings from 10 a.m.-noon. Visitors always welcome. Call 706-722-8878. Thursday Night Chain Reaction Ride begins at 6 p.m. each Thursday at Patriots Park in Grovetown. For intermediate to fast-paced cyclists, who average 25-32 miles. Participants should bring their own water and helmet. Call 706-855-2024 or visit chainreactionbicycles.net. Riverview Disc Golf League meets each Thursday at 6 p.m. at Riverview Park in North Augusta. $5 entry fee and $1 ace pool. Call 803-215-8181 or visit

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Road Bike Ride meets each Thursday at 6:30 p.m. at Andy Jordan’s Bicycle Warehouse downtown for an approximately 25-mile ride at a moderate to fast pace. Front and rear lights, as well as a helmet, are required. Call 706-724-6777 or visit andyjordans.com.

Sports-Outdoors

Walk Rock & Roll 5K at Lake Olmstead Park is Saturday, May 19, at 8 a.m. $20 registration benefits children with specialized educational, medical and therapeutic needs. Visit raceit.com.

Vaginal Yeast Infection Study

augustadiscgolf.com.

Kids

Summer Reading Kick-Off is Saturday, May 19, from 10-2 p.m. at the Euchee Creek Branch Library. Call 706-556-0594 or visit ecgrl.org. Summer Reading Program Event, featuring a movie, is Tuesday, May 22, at 10 a.m. at the Friedman Branch Library. Call 706-736-6758 or visit ecgrl.org. Jazz for Kids, featuring the book “Before John was a Jazz Giant: A Song of John Coltrane,” is Tuesday, May 22, at 10:30 a.m. at the Harlem Branch Library. Pre-registration required. Call 706-556-9795 or visit ecgrl.org. “Charlotte’s Web” shows Tuesday, May 22, at 2:30 p.m. at the Harlem Branch Library. Call 706-556-9795 or visit ecgrl.org. Pirate and Princess Tea Party, a story and dress-up time for kids of all ages, is Tuesday, May 22, at 3:45 p.m. at Woodworth Library on Fort Gordon. Preregistration required. Call 706-791-7323 or visit fortgordon.com. Teen Digital Photography Club meets Tuesday, May 22, at 4 p.m. at the Columbia County Library. Participants should bring their own cameras. Call 706-863-1946 or visit ecgrl.org. Yoga for Kids is Wednesday, May 23, at 10:30 a.m. at the Appleby Branch Library. Call 706-736-6244 or visit ecgrl.org. The World of Owls, a children’s event led by representatives at Reed Creek Park, is Wednesday, 17MAY2012

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May 23, at 2 p.m. at the Columbia County Library. Pre-registration required. Call 706-863-1946 or visit ecgrl.org. Children’s Self-Defense Class is Wednesday, May 23, at 2:30 p.m. at the Harlem Branch Library. Pre-registration required. Call 706-556-9795 or visit ecgrl.org. Therapy Dogs, a summer reading program special event, is Wednesday, May 23, at 2:30 p.m. at the Euchee Creek Branch Library. Call 706-556-0594 or visit ecgrl.org. Transit of Venus shows Saturdays in May at 8 and 9 p.m. at the DuPont Planetarium in Aiken. $5.50, adults; $4.50, seniors; $3.50, 4K-12 students; $1, USC-A students, faculty and staff. Call 803-641-3654 or visit http://rpsec.usca.edu/planetarium. Preschool Story Time is every Tuesday at Headquarters Branch Library at 10 a.m. Toddler Story Time is every Wednesday at 10 a.m. Group registration required. Call 706-821-2600 or visit ecgrl.org. Story Time is every Tuesday at 10 a.m. at Diamond Lakes Branch Library. Groups of six or more must preregister. Call 706-772-2432 or visit ecgrl.org. Story Time is every Tuesday at 10 a.m. at Friedman Branch Library. Groups of six or more must preregister. Call 706-736-6758 or visit ecgrl.org. Story Time is every Wednesday at 10 a.m. at Maxwell Branch Library. Pre-registration required. Call 706793-2020 or visit ecgrl.org. Story Time is every Wednesday from 10-11:15 a.m. at Wallace Branch Library. Pre-registration required. Call 706-722-6275 or visit ecgrl.org. Story Time at the Columbia County Library is each Tuesday at 11 a.m. for those under 2; Monday, Wednesday and Thursday at 10:15 a.m. for 2-yearolds; and Monday, Wednesday and Thursday at 11 a.m. for preschoolers. Call 706-863-1946 or visit ecgrl.org. Story Time at the Euchee Creek Branch Library, for all ages, is each Wednesday at 10:30 a.m. and each Thursday at 4 p.m. Call 706-556-0594 or visit ecgrl.org. Story Time is every Tuesday at 10:30 a.m. at Harlem Branch Library. Call 706-556-9795 or visit ecgrl.org. Ceramics Class, for ages 14 and up, meets Mondays at 9 a.m. or 6 p.m., Tuesdays at 6 p.m., and Wednesdays at 9 a.m. in the Weeks Ceramics Center. Call 803-6427631 or visit cityofaikensc.gov. Toddler Time, free play for children ages 5 and under, is each Monday and Wednesday from 9:30-11:30 a.m. at the H.O. Weeks Center in Aiken. Call 803-642-7631 or visit cityofaikensc.gov. Wacky Wednesday Story Time is each Wednesday at 10 a.m. in the children’s department of Barnes and Noble in the Augusta Mall. Call 706-737-0012 or visit bn.com. Story Time is every Wednesday at Appleby Branch Library from 10:05-10:20 a.m. for toddlers 18 months-35 months, and from 10:30-11:15 a.m. for preschoolers ages 3 and up. Parent must stay with child. Call 706-736-6244 or visit ecgrl.org. Story Time is every Wednesday at 10:15 a.m. for Pre-K, and either 11 or 11:30 a.m. for preschoolers at Aiken County Public Library. Call 803-642-2023 or visit abbe-lib.org. Story Time is every Wednesday from 10:30-11 a.m. for toddlers and 11:15-11:45 a.m. for preschoolers at North Augusta Branch Library. Call 803-279-5767 or abbe-lib.org. 17MAY2012

Seniors

Games for Seniors at the Weeks Center in Aiken include Rummikub each Thursday from 9 a.m.-noon, Mahjong each Thursday from 1-4 p.m., Bridge each Friday from 11:30 a.m.-3 p.m., Bingo each Tuesday at 9 a.m., Pinochle each Tuesday from 10:30 a.m.-2:30 p.m., and Canasta on Tuesdays and Fridays from 11:30 a.m.3:30 p.m. Call 803-642-7631 or visit cityofaikensc.gov. Silversneakers I is offered Mondays and Wednesdays at 9 a.m. and Tuesdays, Thursdays and Fridays at 11:15 a.m., while Silversneakers Yogastretch is offered Mondays and Wednesdays at 11:15 a.m. at the Weeks Center in Aiken. Call 803-642-7631 or visit cityofaikensc.gov. Ceramics Class is offered at 9 a.m. on Mondays or Wednesdays and 6 p.m. on Mondays or Tuesdays at the Weeks Center. Call 803-642-7631 or visit cityofaikensc.gov. Fit 4 Ever is offered at the Weeks Center in Aiken on Mondays, Wednesdays, Thursdays and Fridays from 1011 a.m. Call 803-642-7631 or visit cityofaikensc.gov. Line Dancing is each Tuesday at the Weeks Center in Aiken at 10 a.m. Call 803-642-7631 or visit cityofaikensc.gov. Yoga I and II are offered at the Weeks Center in Aiken on Tuesdays, Thursdays and Fridays from 8:45-9:45 a.m. and on Mondays and Wednesdays from 5:30-6:30 p.m. Call 803-642-7631 or visit cityofaikensc.gov.

Hobbies

CSRA Writers will meet Monday, May 21, at Georgia Military College, 115 Davis Road. Writers needing a suppor t group are invited to attend and bring 10 copies of a manuscript to be critiqued. Call 706-836-7315.

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Basket Making, a lunch and learn program for adults, is each Tuesday in May at 11:30 a.m. at the Headquarters Branch Library. $10. Pre-registration required. Call 706-821-2600 or visit ecgrl.org. Crafters Night is each Monday from 6-8 p.m. at the Kroc Center. Call 706-364-5762 or visit krocaugusta.org.

Volunteers

VISTA associates needed by the United Way for 20 summer positions they need to fill. Volunteers work nine weeks between June 1-August 5 and positions are available for those ages 18-24. Associates will receive a bi-weekly allowance, and applications are being accepted now. Call 706-724-5544 or visit americorps.gov. Augusta Public Library is looking for volunteers. Friends of the library receive a 10 percent discount at The Book Tavern, complimentary dessert at French Market Grille, one free Petersburg Boat Ride, free coffee and discounts at Sundrees Market, and bogo admission at the Woodrow Wilson House. Call 706821-2600 or visit ecgrl.org. Hospice Care of America’s Augusta office needs administrative and patient care volunteers. No experience necessary; training will be provided. Call Rich Boland at 706-447-2626 or email rboland@ msa-corp.com.

Elsewhere

Thursday Nights at the High, a special event at the High Museum of Art in Atlanta, offers half price tickets from 4-8 p.m. each Thursday. A guided tour is offered at 6:30 p.m. Call 404-733-4200 or visit high.org.

If you would like to see your organization’s events listed in our calendar, please email Amy Christian at amy@themetrospirit.com. The deadline for each Thursday’s issue is the previous Friday at noon.

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3842 Washington Road, Augusta, GA 30907 | 706.868.8616 17MAY2012

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AUGUSTA & PORTMAN’S...

4020 WASHINGTON RD AUGUSTA

(706) 738-1651 www.portmansmusic.com

ART45

VALERIEEMERICK

Caution… Wet Paint! GAAC’s celebration of local art adds new features Looking for an opportunity to give back to the arts community and see art created live, onsite by the artist? Look no more. This Saturday night the Greater Augusta Arts Council (GAAC) will be holding a combination membership drive and art event called The Wet Paint Party. “We did it last year, and before I started working there in 2008, they did something similar, but it took kind of a sabbatical for a couple of years,” explains Grace Inman, the outreach director for the GAAC. “The artists told us in 2010 they would like for us to bring it back.” So the event resumed last year and will continue this year. The Wet Paint Party gives the artists a chance to participate in the auction but make money from it as well. “We wanted a place where artists could sell their work but they’re not giving it away… a lot of nonprofits ask the artists to donate their works, but we don’t do that,” Inman says. “We let them set the selling price and that is the minimum bid, so they at least get the asking price for it.” Basically, the artist sets the selling price and they are guaranteed to make what they ask for if the item sells. If the art receives several bids, the artist will keep the selling price they set and the arts council will receive the difference. “But we don’t rely on the paintings going over the price,” she adds, “because it’s also a membership drive.” The party doubles as their annual membership event, so members of the arts council get in free and people who would like to attend who are not current members are able to join at the door. There are a variety of membership levels with different corresponding benefits. Membership prices start at $25 for teachers and artists and go up to $1,000 for the President’s Circle level. Artists who will be painting live at the event include Brian Stewart, Rhian Swain and Baruti Tucker. Guests at the event will be able to watch as the art gets created and can also buy the pieces once they are finished. In addition to the live art, the auction will feature works by more than 20 local artists, including Sara Jane Stiles Foshee, Laurie Adams, Staci Marie Swider, Erica Pastecki, Michael Drake and more. New to the event this year will be art painted by several City of Augusta workers. Featured artists from that group include Mayor Deke Copenhaver, John Paul Stout and Art Gomez. In addition, there will be a fashion and hair show by Vintage Ooollee and Modish Salon. “We had a really good turn out last year — about 200 people came out,” adds Inman. “It was really fun.” The Wet Paint Party | Old Government House | Saturday, May 19 | 7-10 p.m. Free, GAAC members; $25 and up, non-members | 706826-4702 | augustaarts.com

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IN MUSIC

Great Bands Won’t Keep Coming Unless We Promote Them

It’s only somewhat embarrassing to be sitting at a bar gushing about how good a band is and then realizing that they are sitting right next to you. But I’m pretty sure they were stoned and weren’t paying any attention. If not, it was probably a real nice ego boost. There’s not many times that you go out to shows in Augusta and walk away saying, “That’s the best live show I’ve seen in a long time.” Well this amazing feat happened this past weekend at Sky City with the Atlanta-based band Ponderosa. Before we get into the show, kudos to CoCo Rubio on the new lights inside Sky City; pretty impressive my friend. Now back to Ponderosa. Honestly, the band blew me away. I had checked them out online, but as in most cases, the online videos do not do the band justice. The sound of the band can be put into rock, alternative, blues, indie and more; a better description would be “big.” Probably the best compliment to the band is the two lead singers who harmonize to perfection. Am I pushing it a little too much? The answer is no. I was truly blown away. I couldn’t try and sell the band much more, so check out their current album called “Moonlight Revival.” According to the band’s site, ponderosamusic.com, a new album is in the works. How do we find more bands like this? More importantly, how are so many missing out on these bands? It could have been because of the tacky prom down the street, but the turnout for this show was very light. Sometimes I think people think it’s cool for these bands not to be popular. To that I say: Are you out of you f***ing minds? Promote these shows. And I’m not just talking about the club owners and promoters; music lovers need to promote these shows. If I know a band is coming to Augusta and I think they’re good, I talk about it. So if we want more bands like Ponderosa, I think it’s in the audience’s hands. (I just stepped off my soapbox.) I’m not sure if this is even music news, but it’s my column, so for today, it is. Did anyone happen to catch Howard Stern’s debut on “America’s Got Talent”? Me either. The labeled “shock jock” has stepped out from behind the Sirius microphone to behind a different microphone, this time on television. I would love to bad mouth Howard, but he was one of my idols when I first started this downward spiral called radio, so I wish the show luck… like it needs my support. I was joking about the downward spiral stuff; I love my job. I do have to mention one passing this week; bass player Donald “Duck” Dunn passed away at the age of 70. Best known for playing with Booker T. and the MGs, Donald played with some of the best musicians of all time, from Bob Dylan to Eric Clapton. I knew Donald as that guitarist with the pipe in the Blues Brothers movie. Either way, great musician. He will be missed. I don’t usually promote “Saturday Night Live,” mainly because the show has been in the toilet for years, but this week’s episode might be one to check out. Iron man football style, Mick Jagger will be filling the shoes of host and musical guest. The best part: Arcade Fire and Foo Fighters will join Jagger on stage. Not so bad, huh? I can’t speak for the skits. What bands are coming to Augusta? What band will blow my away like Ponderosa? These are the things that I need to know. Come on. I’m talking to you. Come on. Email me at matt@themetrospirit.com.

MATTSTONE can be heard weekdays from 2-6 p.m. on 95 Rock.

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V23|NO20

Thursday, May 17 Live Music

French Market Grille West - Doc Easton Smooth Jazz Joe’s Underground - Jeff Johnston Mellow Mushroom (Downtown and Evans) - Live and Local O Lounge - Jazmine Soul Band Pizza Joint (Evans) - Jim Perkins Polo Lounge - Vince McKinley Red Pepper Cafe - Funk/Fusion Jazz Rose Hill Stables - Preston, Weston and Sandra Sky City - Mobile Deathcamp, Hemlock, Chairleg Travinia’s - Smooth Jazz The Willcox - Classic Jazz Wild Wing - Acosta

What’s Tonight?

Casa Blanca - Thursday Tango Club Argos - Karaoke Cocktails Lounge - Karaoke Coyote’s - Karaoke Fishbowl Lounge - Karaoke Fox’s Lair - Soup, Suds & Conversations Helga’s Pub & Grille - Trivia The Highlander - Butt Naked Trivia The Library - DJ Kris Fisher The Loft - Karaoke The Playground - Open Mic Malibu Jack’s - Sports Trivia with Mike Thomas Mi Rancho (Downtown) - Karaoke Mi Rancho (Evans) - Karaoke The Playground - Open Mic with Brandy Shannon’s - Karaoke Somewhere in Augusta - Keno Soul Bar - Boom Box Dance Party Villa Europa - Karaoke Wooden Barrel - ’80s Night Karaoke

Friday, May 18 Live Music

Augusta Moonlight Music Cruise - Tara Scheyer Cotton Patch - John Kolbeck Country Club - Ben Wells The First Round - Ravenswood Fox’s Lair - Local Propaganda French Market Grille West - Doc Easton Joe’s Underground - Dave Firmin Laura’s Backyard Tavern - Robby Ducey Band Malibu Jack’s - South Atlantic PI Bar & Grill - Jazz Duo Sky City - Killer Mike, Freedom Black, Fuzz Jackson, Grindhouse Gang, Brotha Trav Somewhere in Augusta - Ruskin Yeargain Wild Wing - Daniel Lee Band

What’s Tonight?

Club Argos - Variety Show Cocktails Lounge - Grown-Up Fridays with DJ Cork and Bull Pub - Karaoke Eagle’s Nest - Free Salsa Lessons; Latin Dance Party First Round - DJ Kris Fisher Fishbowl Lounge - Karaoke Iron Horse Bar & Grill - Karaoke The Library - Foamed Out Friday Mi Rancho (Downtown) - Karaoke with Ryan Moseley Mi Rancho (Washington Road) - Karaoke with Jeff Barnes Mi Rancho (Clearwater) - Three J’s Karaoke Ms. Carolyn’s - Karaoke Palmetto Tavern - DJ Tim 17MAY2012

Rebeck’s Hideaway - Open Mic Roadrunner Cafe - Karaoke with Steve Chappel Soul Bar - Pop Life Tropicabana - Latin Friday Wheels - Live DJ Wooden Barrel - Karaoke Contest

Saturday, May 19 Live Music

The Acoustic Coffeehouse - Open Acoustic Jam Session with Eryn Eubanks and the Family Fold Cotton Patch - Old Man Crazy Country Club - Ross Coppley Fox’s Lair - Mike Ritchie & JoJo Walker Laura’s Backyard Tavern - Shameless Dave & The Miracle Whips Malibu Jack’s - Johnny Soul Barkley and the Just the Guys Band P.I. Bar and Grill - Smooth Jazz Sector 7G - Metal Fest w/ Through Agony We Reign, From the Embrace, Your Chance to Die, Only In October, Homicyde, Refining Serenity, Against the Odds, Of Gods and Man Somewhere in Augusta - Situational Ethics Wild Wing - Subdance Jenkins

Fox’s Lair - John Fisher James Brown Arena - Lady Antebellum Wild Wing - Sabo & Friends The Willcox - Piano Jazz

What’s Tonight?

Club Argos - Karaoke Fishbowl Lounge - Dart League Laura’s Backyard Tavern - Karaoke w/ David Doane Malibu Jack’s - Karaoke with Denny Mellow Mushroom (Downtown and Evans) - Trivia Somewhere In Augusta - Big Prize Trivia

Wednesday, May 23 Live Music

James Brown Arena - Lady Antebellum Joe’s Underground - Kathleen Turner Overdrive Malibu Jack’s - Tim Cadiere Wild Wing - Patterson & Nale

Upcoming

Connor Pledger - Metro Coffeehouse & Pub May 24 Jeremy Graham Band - Joe’s Underground May 24 Old You, Dr. Bread - Sky City May 24 She N She - Wild Wing May 24 Morris Davidson Band - 1102 May 25 Jim Perkins - Carolina Ale House May 25 Happy Bones - Cotton Patch May 25 Ty Brown - Country Club May 25 Barb Wire Dolls - The Playground May 25 The Southern Meltdown Band - Shannon’s May 25 Yo Mama’s Big Fat Booty Band - Surrey Tavern May 25 Barb Wire Dolls - The Playground May 25 Cameras, Guns & Radios - The First Round May 25 R2D1 - Fox’s Lair May 26 London Arrington’s Dirty Jazz - Candlelight Jazz May 27 Ravenswood - The First Round May 31

What’s Tonight?

Club Argos - Variety Show Cocktails Lounge - Latin Night Fishbowl Lounge - Karaoke Fox’s Lair - Karaoke w/ Mario and Birkie Helga’s Pub & Grille - Trivia The Loft - Karaoke Mi Rancho (Downtown) - Karaoke with Rockin Rob Mi Rancho (Clearwater) - Karaoke with Danny Haywood Mi Rancho (Washington Road) - Karaoke Ms. Carolyn’s - Karaoke One Hundred Laurens - DJ Kenny Ray Robbie’s - Saturday Night Dance Party Tropicabana - Salsa Saturday Wheels - Live DJ Wooden Barrel - Kamikaze Karaoke

Sunday, May 20 Live Music

5 O’Clock Bistro - Buzz and Candice Candlelight Jazz - Davidson Fine Arts Wild Wing - Kolbeck The Willcox - Jazz Jam Session

What’s Tonight?

Caribbean Soul - Love Jones Sundays Malibu Jack’s - Karaoke with Mike Swift Mi Rancho (Downtown) - Karaoke Mi Rancho (Washington Road) - Karaoke, Salsa Dancing

Monday, May 21 Live Music

Shannon’s - Open Mic Night

What’s Tonight?

Applebee’s (Evans) - Trivia Club Argos - Karaoke Malibu Jack’s - Trivia with Mike Thomas Mi Rancho (Downtown) - Trivia with Mike Thomas Somewhere In Augusta - Free Poker Tournaments Wild Wing - Trivia

Tuesday, May 22 Live Music

The Highlander - Open Mic Night

What’s Tonight?

Club Argos - Santoni’s Satin Dolls Cocktails Lounge - Augusta’s Got Talent Cotton Patch - Trivia and Tunes Coyote’s - Drink N Drown w/ Snow Bunny Bikini Contest Hotel Aiken - Karaoke w/ Tom Mitchell Laura’s Backyard Tavern - Karaoke w/ David Doane The Loft - Karaoke Mi Rancho (Downtown) - Karaoke Mi Rancho (Washington Road) - Karaoke with Rockin’ Rob The Playground - Krazy Karaoke with Big Troy Polo Tavern - Karaoke w/ Tom Mitchell Somewhere in Augusta - Comedy Zone with Kier and Carmen Morales

An Evening with Yanni - Bell Auditorium June 1 Jim Perkins - Somewhere In Augusta - June 1 The Mosier Brothers - Surrey Tavern June 1 & 2 John Berret’s LaRoxes - Iron Horse Bar and Grill June 3 The Threads - The First Round June 7 Shameless Dave & The Miracle Whips - Laura’s Backyard Tavern June 8 Shovels & Rope - Sky City June 9 Louis Lewis - Surrey Tavern June 13 Los Bastardos Magnificos - Sky City June 14 Shane Owens and Bottom - Coyote’s June 15 John Berret’s LaRoxes - 1102 June 16 Blair Crimmins and The Hookers - Stillwater Taproom June 22 Granny’s Gin - The First Round June 22 Ten Toes Up - Surrey Tavern June 23 Fresh Music Festival w/ Keith Sweat, Doug E. Fresh, Guy, SWV, K-Ci, & JoJo- James Brown Arena June 29 AUGUSTA’S INDEPENDENT VOICE SINCE 1989

METROSPIRIT 31

WE GIVE UP...

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TAURUS (April 20-May 20)

If we thought of your life as a book, the title of the next chapter could very well be “In Quest of the Primal.” Meditate on what that means to you, and then act accordingly: tapping into the mother lode; connecting to the source; communing with the core; returning to beginnings; seeking out the original; being in tune with the pulse of nature. You have a mandate to be as raw as the law allows.

GEMINI (May 21-June 20)

Russian Marija Usova decided to go skydiving even though she was eight months pregnant. “I wanted my baby to have the beautiful feeling of flying through the air and free-falling before it was born,” she said. Soon after she jumped out of the plane and opened her parachute, she went into labor. Luckily, her daughter waited until she landed to be born. Don’t do anything even remotely like what Usova did in the next few weeks. But do be alert for healthier, saner approaches to be adventurous, wild and free as you birth a new possibility.

CANCER (June 21-July 22)

METRO

SPIRIT dot C M

32 METROSPIRITAUGUSTA’S INDEPENDENT VOICE SINCE 1989

SCORPIO (Oct. 23-Nov. 21)

“The chains that bind us most closely are the ones we have broken,” said Scorpio poet Antonio Porchia. In other words, the oppression from which we have freed ourselves may continue to influence us long after we’ve escaped. You’re entering a time when you have an enhanced power to dissolve the lingering taint your broken chains still impose. You finally have the resources and wisdom to complete the liberation process.

SAGITTARIUS (Nov. 22-Dec. 21)

You will have an excellent chance to develop more skill in the art of high gossip. High gossip has almost nothing in common with the mindless prattle that erodes reputations and fosters cynicism. It’s not driven by envy, pettiness or schadenfreude. When you engage in high gossip, you spread uplifting whispers and inspirational hearsay; you speculate about people’s talents and call attention to their successes; you conspire to awaken generosity of spirit and practical idealism.

You spend nearly one-third of your life sleeping. For one-fifth of that time, you’re dreaming. So pretty much every night, you watch and respond to as much as 90 minutes’ worth of movies created by and starring you. Much of this footage is obscure and confusing and not exactly Oscar-worthy, which is one reason you may not recall many of the details when you wake up. But in the immediate future, your dreams should be full of riveting entertainment that reveals important information about the mysteries of your destiny. Keep a pen and notebook near your bed, or a small recording device.

CAPRICORN (Dec. 22-Jan. 19)

LEO (July 23-Aug. 22)

AQUARIUS (Jan. 20-Feb. 18)

It’s Oxymoron Season, meaning you’re likely to encounter more than your usual share of sweet and sour paradoxes. The logic-loving areas of your brain will have to seek assistance from your non-rational wisdom. Here are some of the riddles you should be ready to embrace: 1. a humbling triumph; 2. a tender rivalry; 3. a selfish blessing; 4. an opportunity to commune with risky comfort; 5. an invitation to explore a relaxing challenge. For best results, memorize these lines from Walt Whitman’s “Leaves of Grass” and recite them periodically: “Do I contradict myself? / Very well then I contradict myself. / (I am large, I contain multitudes.)”

VIRGO (Aug. 23-Sept. 22)

I’m half-expecting florid, luscious and kaleidoscopic events, possibly even rococo, swashbuckling and splendiferous adventures. Are you ready for all this? Of course not. That’s the point life will be trying to make: nudging you to learn more about the fine art of spontaneity as you improvise your way through unpredictable lessons that will lead you toward the resources you’ll need to succeed.

LIBRA (Sept. 23-Oct. 22)

Obsessions. Enchantments. Crushes. Manias. Fetishes. Some think you Libras are mostly immune from these indelicate but sometimes delightful modes of human expression, that you love harmony and balance too much to fall under the spell of a bewitching passion that rivets your focus. It may be true that you’re better able than the other signs to be objective about your fixations. But that doesn’t necessarily dilute the intensity you feel when they rise up and captivate your imagination with the force of a thousand love songs.

Sometimes I have a dream that seems cryptic or meaningless when I first wake up, but a few days later I realize it was a brilliant insight into what I most needed to transform about my life. If you don’t recall many of your dreams, that might not be a familiar experience for you. But you’ve probably had waking-life experiences with a similar arc. You will be given at least one of those, which may confound you while you’re in the midst of it, but will eventually reveal choice clues that have the power to change your life for the better. You may not have heard about the “forbidden colors.” And you certainly haven’t seen them, even though they exist. They’re reddish green and yellowish blue, which the cells of your retina are not built to register. However, scientists have figured out a trick by which these hues can be made visible. A few lucky people have actually caught a glimpse of them. You are close to experiencing a metaphorical version of this breakthrough — seeing something that is supposedly impossible to see.

PISCES (Feb. 19-March 20)

“There’s no such thing as a wrong note,” said jazz pianist Art Tatum. “It all depends on how you resolve it.” Miles Davis had a similar philosophy. “It’s not the note you play that’s the wrong note,” he said. “It’s the note you play afterwards that makes it right or wrong.” Be wary of coming to premature conclusions about alleged mistakes. Wait to hear the entire song and see the bigger picture.

ARIES (March 21-April 19)

Is there a difference in sound quality between relatively inexpensive modern violins and the multimillion-dollar violins created by master craftsmen in the 1700s? In research done at the Eighth International Violin Competition, most violinists couldn’t tell them apart. Do comparable tests in your own sphere. There’s no need to overpay for anything, either with your money, your emotions, your energy or your time. Go with what works, not with what costs the most or has highest status.

ROBBREZSNY FREEWILLASTROLOGY@FREEWILLASTROLOGY.COM 17MAY2012

V23|NO20

Michael Johnson

mejphoto.photoreflect.com

Jacob Lanehart, singer Carey Murdock and Ashley Melton at A Day in the Country at the Augusta Riverfront Marina.

SIGHTINGS

Ronne Partridge, Jade O’Brien, Chris Partridge and Anna Morris at A Day in the Country at the Augusta Riverfront Marina.

John Zaenglein, singer Ashton Shepherd and Leigh Anne Reynolds at A Day in the Country at the Augusta Riverfront Marina.

SIGHTINGS

Molly McDowell, couture collector Michael Siewert and Mary Hull Palmer at Westobou’s Judy Garland: Dressing of a Legend at Sacred Heart Cultural Center.

Sheli Muniz, singer Jerrod Niemann and Vicki Graf at A Day in the Country at the Augusta Riverfront Marina.

SIGHTINGS

Author and motivational speaker Fredrick Bailey, Dr. Eleanor Hopson, Angela B. Powell and Dr Marilyn D. Wills at the Communities in Schools Recognition and Awards Banquet.

17MAY2012

First place winners PFC Cameron Castillo, PFC Christian Duquebeltran, PFC Anthony Delavega and PFC Sterling Meriweather at the 2012 Marine Mud Challenge at Fort Gordon.

Heather Hultman, singer/songwriter Kevn Kinney of Drivin ‘N Cryin and Tabitha Grimes at the Fallen and Support 1 Project at The Country Club.

Michael Johnson

mejphoto.photoreflect.com

Charles Whatley, Stephen Hagler, Michael McCormak and Ben LaHatte at the 2012 Marine Mud Challenge at Fort Gordon.

AUGUSTA’S INDEPENDENT VOICE SINCE 1989

METROSPIRIT 33

THE

EIGHT

V23|NO20

BOX TOPS

The jocks win out over the Hot Topic goths... it’s like high school all over again. RANK

TITLE

WEEKEND GROSS

TOTAL GROSS

WEEK #

LAST WEEK

THE AVENGERS

$103,052,274

$373,071,647

DARK SHADOWS

$29,685,274

THINK LIKE A MAN

$5,816,108

$81,432,840

THE HUNGER GAMES

$4,505,362

$387,007,048

THE LUCKY ONE

$4,107,492

$53,788,233

“Dark Shadows”

SAMEIFLING

Director’s remake period leaves audience members wanting more What to make of poor Barnabas Collins, the protagonist of “Dark Shadows”? Born in England in the mid-1700s, he migrates to the New World with his fishing-magnate family and manages to spurn a lover, Angelique, who turns out to be a witch. She offs his parents, compels his true love, Josette, to take a long walk off a short cliff and curses Barnabas with vampirism before leading a torch-and-rake mob to bury him alive (or at least undead) inside a chain-swaddled coffin in the Maine woods. By the time he’s accidentally excavated 200 years later, he’s parched and irate, and his family — the only true wealth, his father used to tell him — is in straits, as their fishing empire limps along. Love, power, wealth, revenge, status — all the elements of a classic soap opera converge in the “Dark Shadows” universe. This campy, vampy adaptation, directed by Tim Burton, sorts through the remains of the original ABC series that ran for more than 1,200 episodes in the late ’60s and early ’70s. Even with a very game Johnny Depp playing Barnabas as an anachronistic straight man, this “Dark Shadows” stumbles over the weight of its own ambition. It’s too funny to feel quite gothic, too cruel to feel sexy, too cluttered to invite real empathy, even as it reaches for all of the above. Not that “Dark Shadows” doesn’t have its moments. Depp’s Barnabas may have a soft spot for his distant relatives, and carry himself with the out-of-time bewilderment of an erudite Encino Man, but he remains, after all, a vampire, forced to sup on blood but gentlemanly enough to apologize to his innocent victims before gorging on their claret. An amorous encounter between him and the equally immortal Angelique (the alluring Eva Green) should go down among the most slapstick vampire sex-scenes ever committed in cinema. Bella Heathcote is cast perfectly as Victoria Winters, the young nanny who is drawn to the Collins family. Burton’s wife and favored ingénue Helena Bonham Carter has a nice turn as the pill-swilling psychiatrist who takes a shine to Barnabas’ unique properties as a medical specimen. The doctor and Barnabas eventually get crossways when she gets too curious about his immortality. But who wouldn’t — Depp, nearly 50, looks decades younger under a pixie haircut and sunken-eyed makeup, a 200-something-yearold vampire going on 30.

34 METROSPIRITAUGUSTA’S INDEPENDENT VOICE SINCE 1989

You can tell a lot about a movie’s intentions by the hue and shade it assigns to blood. In the doctor’s phlebotomic experiments, and in Barnabas’ sloppychinned meals, the blood practically glows as an electric, lusty red that signals the audience not to take it too seriously. That much comes across, even if too little else in “Dark Shadows” does. In its emotional disarray “Dark Shadows” fits a pattern of recent Burton flicks. Since reprising “Planet of the Apes” in 2001, the director has reheated “Charlie and the Chocolate Factory,” “Sweeney Todd” and “Alice in Wonderland,” all with Depp in lead roles. Aside from the genuinely affecting “Big Fish” in 2003, and his own heartfelt animation “Corpse Bride” in 2005, this has been a lost decade for Burton’s directorial talents, which have proven too bankable as Hot Topic-grade goth credibility to venture into territory truly bizarre or unsettling. Increasingly his films unspool like paint-by-numbers ventures, with a palate arrayed only in black, silver and purple. At this point a Burton movie that moves audiences to true revulsion, rather than more shrugging acquiescence, would be the only Burton movie worth paying to see.

17MAY2012

OPENING FRIDAY, MAY 18

V23|NO20

“Young Adult”

ACTION

Newly out on DVD, Bluray, Netflix, etc., if this 2011 movie proved anything, it’s that beautiful people can “Battleship,” rated PG-13, starring Alexander Skarsgard, Brooklyn be really, really ugly. Mavis Gary, as played by Charlize Decker, Liam Neeson, Rihanna. Everything about this sounds bad: it’s Theron, is both and plays both sides of this doublebased on a board game, one of its stars is Rihanna. Well, not everything: edged sword to the hilt, unafraid to reveal her emotional It does have “True Blood”’s hottest vampire, Eric Northman, in it. If we shortcomings even as she piles on the makeup... and must see it, his presence will at least take our mind off the surrounding charm. The popular girl in high school, Mavis moved idiocy. from Mercury, Minnesota, to the Mini Apple (get it?) and became the author of a series of young adult novels. Now, however, she’s newly divorced, her publisher has canceled the series and her high-school sweetheart Buddy just had a baby with his new wife. Things aren’t going so great for Mavis, so she packs up her booze and her tiny dog and heads COMEDY back to Mercury to woo Buddy away from his wife and new “What to Expect When You’re Expecting,” rated PG-13, starring baby. Her downward spiral is both hilarious and horrifying and Cameron Diaz, Jennifer Lopez, Elizabeth Banks, Brooklyn is guaranteed to have you covering your eyes more than any Decker, Anna Kendrick, Matthew Morrison, Dennis Quaid, slasher flick or “Curb Chris Rock. Wow… talk about the battle of the crap movies. Your Enthusiasm” A movie based on a board game going up against a movie episode ever would. based on a pregnant woman’s instruction manual. Seriously, Surprisingly enough, Hollywood? Well, at least they’re foisting all the crap on us at however, this movie once (yeah, right). wasn’t written by “Curb”’s Larry David but “Juno”’s Diablo Cody. Also surprising is the fact that Cody laid off the over-thetop cutesiness of “Juno” and made “Young Adult” a smartly written character study of a supremely effed up person that’s still fascinating “The Dictator,” rated R, starring Sacha Baron Cohen, Anna to watch. Faris, John C. Reilly, Ben Kingsley. At this point, is there really anything left to say about the movies coming out this week? And Ben Kingsley… we’re very disappointed in you.

“Hysteria,” rated R, starring Maggie Gyllenhaal, Hugh Dancy, Jonathan Pryce. And I quote from IMDb: “The truth of how Mortimer Granville devised the invention of the first vibrator in the name of medical science.” As Amy Poehler would say to Seth Meyers: “REALLY?!?!?!?!”

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AUGUSTA’S INDEPENDENT VOICE SINCE 1989

METROSPIRIT 35

THE8ERS V23|NO20

Movie times are subject to change.

The Big Mo

Gates open at 7 p.m.; shows begin at 8:30 p.m. (approximately)

May 18-19 Field 1: The Avengers (PG-13) and Ghost Rider: Spirit of Vengeance (PG-13) ; Field 2: Battleship (PG-13) and Think Like a Man (PG-13); Field 3: Dark Shadows (PG-13) and The Lucky One (PG-13).

Masters 7 Cinemas

May 18 Lockout (PG-13) 5:25, 7:40, 10; Wrath of the Titans (PG-13) 4:30, 7:15, 9:40; A Thousand Words (PG-13) 5:15, 7:30, 9:50; Dr. Seuss’ The Lorax (PG) 5:25, 7:40, 10; Tyler Perry’s Good Deeds (PG-13) 4:15, 7, 9:40; Journey 2:

36 METROSPIRITAUGUSTA’S INDEPENDENT VOICE SINCE 1989

The Mysterious Island (PG) 5:15, 7:30, 9:50; Safe House (R) 4, 6:45, 9:30 May 19 Lockout (PG-13) 1, 3:15, 5:25, 7:40, 10; Wrath of the Titans (PG-13) 1:45, 4:30, 7:15, 9:40; A Thousand Words (PG-13) 12:45, 3, 5:15, 7:30, 9:50; Dr. Seuss’ The Lorax (PG) 1, 3:15, 5:25, 7:40, 10; Tyler Perry’s Good Deeds (PG-13) 1:30, 4:15, 7, 9:40; Journey 2: The Mysterious Island (PG) 12:45, 3, 5:15, 7:30, 9:50; Safe House (R) 1:15, 4, 6:45, 9:30

Evans Cinemas

May 18-19 The Dictator (R) 5:10, 7:35, 9:55; Dark Shadows (PG-13) 12:45, 2:15, 3:15, 4:45, 5:45, 7:15, 8:15, 9:50;

The Avengers (PG-13) noon, 1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, 9, 10; The Five-Year Engagement (R) 7:30, 10:15; The Pirates! Band of Misfits (PG) 2:10, 4:20; The Lucky One (PG-13) 12:30, 2:50, 5:15, 7:40, 10:05; Think Like a Man (PG-13) 1:30, 4:10, 6:50, 9:35; The Hunger Games (PG-13) 11:15, 2:15, 5:20

Regal Exchange 20

May 18-19 Battleship (PG-13) noon, 1:10, 1:40, 2:50, 4:10, 4:40, 5:45, 6:50, 7:10, 7:40, 8:40, 9:45, 10:10, 10:40, 11:45, 12:40; What to Expect When You’re Expecting (PG-13) 12:05, 1:05, 2:40, 3:40, 5:10, 7:05, 7:40, 9:40, 10:20, 12:10; The Dictator (R) 12:35, 1, 2:45, 3:10, 4:55, 5:25, 7:15, 7:45, 9:25, 10, 11:40, 12:05; Dark Shadows (PG-13) 12:05, 2, 2:55, 4:10, 4:45,

5:35, 7:30, 8:15, 10:15, 10:30, 11; The Avengers (PG-13) 12:10, 12:25, 12:45, 1:15, 1:35, 2:20, 3:30, 4:20, 4:35, 4:50, 5:30, 6:45, 7, 7:50, 8:05, 8:40, 10, 10:50, 11:05, 11:20, 11:50, 12:10, 12:50; The Pirates! Band of Misfits (PG) 12:15, 2:30, 4:40; The Lucky One (PG-13) 12:10, 2:35, 5:05, 7:30, 9:55, 12:20; Think Like a Man (PG-13) 12:05, 2:50, 5:35, 8:20, 11:05; The Cabin in the Woods (R) 12:30, 2:50, 5:30, 8, 10:15, 12:30; The Hunger Games (PG-13) 12:45, 3:50, 7:05, 10:10

17MAY2012

V23|NO20

CUISINE SCENE

AMYCHRISTIAN

Simple Pleasures Peachwave treats customers to decadence they can control

Sometimes the best things in life are the simplest. Peachwave Yogurt on Washington Road seems to prove that point, with a concept that is as easy as it is delicious. Customers simply walk in, choose their yogurt flavor from a bank of 16 machines along the wall, dispense the amount they want into a cup, visit the toppings bar and then put the finished product on a scale and pay for their dessert by the ounce. And customers have been doing just that, said owner Tony Lin, ever since Peachwave opened a month ago. “From the day we opened we’ve had a lot of people — 2,500 on opening day,” said Lin. “That’s a lot of people.” The reasons they keep coming are, well, simple: fun and flavor. The gleaming white store has accents in lime green, orange, purple, blue and yellow, and the comfortable and sturdy furniture encourages hanging out. “Customers like the atmosphere and the flavors, and we have a lot of toppings,” Lin said. “We have over 70 toppings and 16 flavors. And we change the flavors every week.” Vanilla, chocolate and strawberry tend to stick around from week to week, said Manager Stephanie Kho, while interesting flavors like taro and Kahlua rotate in and out of the lineup. Can’t decide? The staff will happily give you samples. Kho says their most popular flavors are mango, cheesecake and cotton candy. All flavors are either low-fat, non-fat or have no sugar added. Recently, they even featured pineapple, a lactose-free flavor. Nutrition information is readily available in the store or on Peachwave’s website. Most flavors weigh in at less than 100 calories for three ounces. Then there’s the topping bar. If you’ve heard the saying “Like a kid in a candy store” you can imagine the looks on Peachwave’s smaller customers when they see the bowls of cookie dough, brownie bites, mini M&Ms, jelly beans, animal cookies, marshmallows, sprinkles, syrups and more with which they can top their yogurt. But the topping bar, said Kho, doesn’t have to be a place where diets go to die. “The fruit toppings are very healthy,” she explained, “and the cereal we have is good too.” Indeed there is diced fruit of almost every color and flavor, including some, like lychee and longan, that may be a new experience for some. Dried fruit, nuts and 38 METROSPIRITAUGUSTA’S INDEPENDENT VOICE SINCE 1989

granola also make an appearance. “For fruit, our most popular topping is probably strawberries,” said Kho, “but people also like the popping bobas.” Bobas are similar to the bubbles in the bottom of bubble tea except instead of being chewy, bobas pop when you bite into them. To try something new or the stick with the old standbys; to get a lot or a little; to stick with healthy toppings or indulge — that is the beauty in Peachwave’s simplicity. It’s completely up to the customer. And no matter how indulgent, it’s still affordable at only 42 cents an ounce. To first-time business owner Lin, however, it’s all about the product. “I like frozen yogurt,” he laughed. “It’s a fun and relaxed business.” Peachwave Yogurt 2825 Washington Road in Fairway Square Shopping Center Monday-Thursday, 11 a.m.-10 p.m.; Friday-Saturday, 11 a.m.-11 p.m.; Sunday, noon-9:30 p.m. 706-432-8312 peachwaveyogurt.com

17MAY2012

V23|NO20

GOLD’S GYM

UPDATE Name: Katie Schweitzer Starting weight: 240 Weight at last weigh in: 221.6 Percentage lost: 7.66 Ranking: 6

Exercise Plan: I’ve been doing a lot of cardio. I go to my training sessions three times a week. I try to get in as much extra cardio as I can. I have a four year old, so I don’t make it in as much as I would like, but I try to get in as much as I can. Today, I went and did 20 minutes during my lunch break. A little bit here and there kind of adds up. The elliptical is my favorite machine. I’ve been trying to do more running, but it’s been hard because I’ve been having pain in my legs. I’m hoping that I’m not getting an injury, but it’s been holding me back a little bit. Diet Plan: I’ve been trying to stay within a certain calorie range. I know that other contestants — their trainers have them on a certain kind of plan. I just kind of stay within a calorie range of 1,500 calories a day. I try not to eat so many carbs later in the day. I usually try to stick to 300 or so calories at a time because I don’t want my body to go into starvation mode. Biggest Struggle: Probably getting to the gym. Actually, the eating hasn’t been so bad, but getting to the gym has been kind of difficult. Some weeks I can’t do all of my training sessions because of my schedule or my trainer’s schedule. That’s why I’ve been trying to kind of fit in as much as I can. I try to go early in the morning if I can fit it in. It’s a balancing act, trying to keep all the balls in the air. That’s for sure. Biggest Success: The fact that my body has gotten stronger. I used to never think about something like running — that’s what the super fit will do. But I actually did a two mile walk/run type of thing. Mostly, I ran, but I could never imagine doing that before. I can really tell the difference in my body and in how I feel. The compliments are nice, too. I haven’t bought any new clothes yet, but I’m kind of in that middle stage where I’m not quite there, so I don’t want to buy clothes, but I have to wear a belt with everything. Contestant to Beat: It’s hard to tell right now. It seems really close. I know I’m barely within a couple percentage points of a couple of people and then I’ve got other people in front of me who are way in front of me. And then the top three are really close, so it could be anybody’s game.

17MAY2012

AUGUSTA’S INDEPENDENT VOICE SINCE 1989

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17MAY2012

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ON THE BALL

In Defense of Hipsters — With Help From the NBA Dress Code What does that term mean anyway, and more importantly, who cares? In 2005, NBA Commissioner David Stern instituted a mandatory dress code for all NBA players. It was the first of its kind as far as major sports are concerned, and as predicted, struck a nerve within the largely urban workforce and fan demographic. This was done in direct response to the perceived thuggish direction the league was thought to be spiraling towards, and came to a head after the infamous Malice in the Palace Pacers-Pistons battle royale when players not only physically engaged with each other on the court, but brought the fisticuffs to Section 112, Row L, and started knocking the hell outta John Q. Public. No 3D glasses needed. What tremendous value to have in a ticket that also included the chance of assault — and the beating is on the house! Players and media alike cried out that the dress code was racist and was only put into action to sever the league from the same hip-hop culture that helped shape and grow not only the league, but popular culture as well. The league saw what mammoth influence professional basketball players had on said popular culture and their dressing habits. To the suits, it also made more fiscal sense to sell jersey T-shirts in standard sizes instead of XXXL tall tees. Who knew? Fast-forward seven years, and with help from a faster, easier to use, more widespread internet, these post-game press conferences lead many to think we’ve entered into a full-blown hipster epidemic.

Even those without a pair (hand raised) of black-rimmed, square-framed glasses can see the influence of this newfound nerd culture in the NBA. Tailored suits, plaid scarves, children’s backpacks, shirts with fishing lures all over them, dress shirts rolled up revealing sleeve tattoos… these trend setters are what drive millions of people to not only imitate Kobe’s pull-up jumper or Lebron’s patented step through dunk sequence, but their self-expressive fashion habits as well. For better or worse. See above. While athletes do not set trends alone, their influence spills over into popular culture everywhere, whether we care to admit it or not. For those of us out of the spotlight, we’ve taken from countless sources and sometimes end up with things such as deep v-neck T-shirts, skinny jeans, out-of-place fedoras and robust mustaches, to only name a few. There is no right or wrong anymore. Justification comes easily with a passive, “They just don’t get what I’m about.” Thankfully, there is nothing to “get” these days. Everything has become relative, from the grad student who grows a monster mullet one last time before he graduates for the second time to the NBA players who garner a unique sense of achievement and accomplishment from being able to afford a wardrobe that cost more than the house they grew up in. Do what you do. And while clothes are usually the first thing you see during the impression-building stages of interacting with someone, music is another medium with infinite wormholes of self-expression. No matter if you are the teenager with acne who only listens to bands with songs that have less than 5,000 views on YouTube or the hairdresser who blasts Top 40 during daily booty boot camp sessions. The merits of both could be argued forever with no one emerging as the more informed of the two. The origin for those type of arguments are pretentious and ego-driven, not one looking to become informed about a subject. So what we are left with is endless options and a surplus of choice. The best part about it is that it does not require us to embrace it if we don’t want to. If every NBA player wants to dress the same, with wide-framed glasses, lumberjack grade flannel or even pair a bowtie with a smoking jacket, more power to them. The same goes for our brothers and sisters who decide that the graphic tee, tattered jean, mop headed, intentionally disheveled look complete with a toboggan during the middle of summer is what they are going with. Whose fault is it that their bicycle only has one speed? I don’t own any witty graphic T-shirts, carry my keys on a carabiner or have any pronounced facial hair. I rarely even wear jeans. Matter of fact, I only own one pair — or did. So does that absolve me from being a hipster? I would think the odds are certainly in my favor that I would not be considered one — or if it’s a good or bad thing. But what if I told you the last time those jeans were worn I was hopping fences in Buckhead after a dubstep show, sweating PBR through my Dropping Daylight T-shirt, acting like an idiot until the fencing ripped a huge hole in the seat of my jeans while on my way to another bar. That was the night that awkward became fashionable. Or at least I think it did.

MATTLANE is host of The Weekend Rundown which airs from 10 a.m.-noon Saturdays on News-Talk-Sports 1630 AM. He can be reached at mattlane28@gmail.com or follow him on Twitter @Mattlane28.

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17MAY2012

Local Numbers: 1.800.926.6000 Ahora en Español 18+ www.livelinks.com AUGUSTA’S INDEPENDENT VOICE SINCE 1989

METROSPIRIT 41

WHINE

LINE

So local political gadfly, herbal enthusiast and general malcontent Jill Peterson is backing the witch for the Augusta commission race, you know the one who had the Wiccan cleansing ritual at the neighborhood garden in Harrisburg. It kind of makes you wonder what must be growing in that garden. How is it that a team as good as ASU allow faculty ressure for their kid to make the basketball roster, when he is CLEARLY sub-standard at best? Metro Spirit, how about adding a list of food trucks under the Restaurants/ Bars heading? The best time to commit a crime in Columbia County is on Sunday between 10.45-11.15am. That is because deputies are pulling traffic control at various churches. A fine waste of our law enforcement assets. Who hired this child “Ruffin” to write for the beloved Spirit? He is one more example of the idiocy that oozes from the mouths and pens of those who consider themselves liberal “elites.” Little Lord Ruffin forgets though that there is actually nothing making him elite. He is just an angry little boy spewing non-facts and making up stories. He makes Austin Rhodes look like Helen Thomas. Let other bands fight over table scraps with the crappy gigs downtown that pay little to nothing. We’re going elsewhere. To the lady dressing down the socially awkward gent who was -”...into 10 Mich Ultras before 8:00pm...”-Do you think that it was the beer-goggle juice that clouded his better judgement or perhaps your perception of yourself with regards to others is a bit too squeamish? A simple “no thanks” will often suffice with most of us men. There is nothing more negatively impressive about a person as coming across as too effete, even for a woman. When is the Augusta Drink Club meeting? This sounds like a good idea since Augusta is not very good at organizing things on it’s own. Ok, so lets change it from “A Day In The Country” to “A Day With The Rednecks”. Better yet, lets call it “A Day Without Snobs”, or “Without Uptight, Phony, Hair Gelling, Pencil Neck Wimps and their Prudish Little Spray Tanned, Missionary, My Poop Don’t Stink, Prissy Women”. If you think the only way to have fun is trying to out-bore each other while holding a champagne flute or a drink with an umbrella in it, you are very much mistaken. If you’re too stiff for this event don’t come. But don’t criticize the ones that enjoy it.

DECLASSIFIED

For some strange reason I thought an interracial couple would be happy

Have something you want to get off your chest? Send your whines to whineline@themetrospirit. com. If you do so by noon on Friday, you might just see it in the next Thursday’s issue. Oh, and whines may be edited for content but will pretty much be printed exactly as you type them.

Okay — so most of us will probably agree that it’s wrong and in poor taste to make fun of children and pregnant women — even if they are celebrities and in the public eye. But what if you did so under the guise of another celebrity child? And not just any celebrity child, but Suri Cruise? I recently discovered Suri’s Burn Book, a Tumblr and Twitter site that has garnered enough attention to receive its own book deal. I’m not usually the kind of person who follows celebrity news or even one who checks out gossipy snark sites to see who wore what to where, but something about this site appeals to me. Like a train wreck… it’s hard to look away from. And “Suri” doesn’t just make fun of other celebrity kids, like Violet Affleck or Willow Smith — oh no! She has plenty of snark to dish out for adult celebrities as well and seems to have particular disdain for her own parents, revealing such sentiments as “Everything about Katie Holmes makes me physically cringe” or “Even when she looks decent (read: not hideous), Katie still says the dumbest things sometimes… No, Mother, a ‘Dawson’s Creek’ reunion is not a good idea.” One of my personal favorites Suri wrote about her dad: “The ‘Rock of Ages’ trailer is what we should show terrorists if waterboarding doesn’t work.” No, the site will not teach you anything useful, but if you’re looking for a way to kill a few hours doing something mindless, check it out. — Valerie Emerick

WERECOMMEND

raising a mongrel dog. Go figure. And I don’t have to get over myself. My view and my loyalty is exactly where it should be. Coco Rubio must be in a contest with Commissioner Joe Bowles to see who has the biggest ego. I think I know what Austin Rhodes is getting at. One week he extolls the virtues of sadistic torture; the next week he demonizes people who live in housing projects because they don’t pay property taxes. Heil Hitler! He want to march them off to camps, then torture and gas them. That grocery store next to the Augusta Boxing Club has been closed for a while. Is there any way for funding to buy it and gift it to the Augusta Boxing Club? I’m sure there are a LOT more kids who could use that space for their training!

Poor bus drivers! How much more poop must they suffer? They were shoved by the city to a new company with bad financial vibes. Forced to drive extra hours with no overtimes whatsoever. Heard only through the media that their insurance got cut off the week before the news hit. How much more must they suffer? Where’s the Georgia Department of Labor? Where’s the FBI since Mobility is based out of Georgia? Damn Ron Cross and those scurrilous commissioner in Columbia County. Damn them. All of them. Here I thought all that time I was enjoying that bust of a park - according to the Metro Dispririt - with all those people around. Those louts on Ronald Reagan Dr have spend millions of tax dollars on hologram images of people to make that part look busy. To trick me. Get a clue Spirit- no matter how hard you try, no matter what you do there is nothing you can do to smear the reputation in THE best county in the CSRA, if not the country. Get a clue.

Wow. The fire department is at it again. Hiring some who had to be on probation and a pre trial diversion plan to run ems. She filed bankruptcy twice already and has a lien against her. Get rid of corrupt to make room for more corrupt. We should call them The Augusta Fire Mafia. I decided to give that restaurant another shot. Yep, the obnoxious manager is still chasing her employees around, yapping at them like a purse dog. the food, beer, and service was still great though. chill the _____ out dude. I’m convinced that every anti-Austin whine is sent in by the same person: Jill Peterson. She’s still mad that the The metro Spirit won’t publish any more of her libelous trash. She seems to have an obsession with Austin. Maybe she’s just jealous because Austin is an awesome writer and has a successful talk show. Hey Jill, if you want to write for a paper, try High Times.

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