Metro Spirit 05.29.2003

ARTS, ISSUES & ENTERTAINMENT May 29 - June 4

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Issue 43

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R E A D I N G

THE METROPOLITAN

Reviews by Amy Fennell Christian

2 M E T R O S P I R I T M A Y 2 9 2 0 0 3

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Contents

3

The Metropolitan Spirit

M AY

2 9 - J U N E

4

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F R E E

W E E K LY

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M E T R O S P I R I T

M E T S P I R I T. C O M

ON THE COVER

M A Y

“Stupid White Men” ... and Other Subversive Summer Reading Choices

By Amy Fennell Christian ..........................................18

2 9 2 0 0 3

Cover Design: Natalie Holle

FEATURES

A Fight for Funding: Arts Community Wants Sales Tax Support By Stacey Eidson ......14

Opinion Whine Line ......................................................................4 Thumbs Up/Thumbs Down ............................................4 This Modern World .........................................................4 Words ...............................................................................6 Suburban Torture ............................................................7 Letter to the Editor .........................................................8 Austin Rhodes .................................................................9

GENERAL MANAGER’S SALE AT HONDA CARS OF AIKEN

E L A S THE GM DA AT HON !"# ()*+ $%&' ,-.)/ '0, 123 1 2 4256 Sale 4 ! ce Pri 1 366 2247 58

Metro Beat

Global Spectrum Pleads Its Case ...............................10 FCC Dereg and the Billy Pulpit ....................................12

Arts

Local Lilies Get a Day in the Sun ...............................26 Theatre Treats: From Gospel to “Grease” ..................35 ArtScape Camp Gives Hope to At-Risk Kids ..............36

Events

‘03 Honda Accord EX 4 Dr 9:;'&,<=9388>?@

Local Lilies Get a Day in the Sun..................................................26

8 Days a Week .............................................................28

‘03 Honda Civic EX 4 Dr 9:;'&,<!P28729@

Movie Listings .............................................................37 Review: “The In-Laws” ...............................................40 Review: “Finding Nemo” .............................................41 Movie Clock ..................................................................42

Billy Corgan Finds New Hope in Zwan .......................43 Hard Work Pays Off for Die Trying ..............................44 Music By Turner ............................................................45 Music Minis ...................................................................46 Night Life .......................................................................47

Stuff Food: Bistro 491 ...........................................................25 News of the Weird ........................................................50 Brezsny's Free Will Astrology ......................................51 New York Times Crossword Puzzle ............................51 Amy Alkon: The Advice Goddess ................................52 Date Maker ...................................................................53 Classifieds .....................................................................55 Automotive Classifieds ................................................51

$2,000

SAVE UP TO

Cinema

Music

SAVE UP TO

EDITOR & PUBLISHER David Vantrease ARTS & ENTERTAINMENT EDITOR Rhonda Jones STAFF WRITERS Stacey Eidson, Brian Neill ADVERTISING SALES MANAGER Joe White ACCOUNT EXECUTIVES Kriste Lindler, Jennifer H. Mar tin PRODUCTION MANAGER Joe Smith GR APHIC ARTISTS Stephanie Bell, Natalie Holle ASSISTANT TO THE PUBLISHER Meli Gurley RECEPTIONIST/CLASSIFIED COORDINATOR Sharon King ARTS & ENTERTAINMENT ASSISTANT Lisa Jordan CIRCULATION DIRECTOR Meli Gurley SENIOR MUSIC CONTRIBUTOR Ed Turner CONTRIBUTING WRITERS Chuck Shepherd, Rob Brezsny, Austin Rhodes, Amy Alkon, Rachel Deahl CARTOONISTS Tom Tomorrow, Julie Larson

THE METROPOLITAN SPIRIT is a free newspaper published weekly on Thursday, 52 weeks of the year. Editorial coverage includes ar ts, local issues, news, enter tainment, people, places and events. In our paper appear views from across the political and social spectrum. The views do not necessarily represent the views of the publishers. Visit us at www.metspirit.com. Copyright © The Metropolitan Spirit Inc. Reproduction or use without permission is prohibited.

Phone: (706) 738-1142 Fax: (706) 733-6663 E-mail: spirit@metspirit.com Letters to the Editor: P.O. Box 3809, Augusta, Ga. 30914-3809

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Whine Line Y

ou know, when somebody comes in and complains that the 99-cent menu is too much, the job doesn’t pay enough to not laugh in their face. If you can’t afford 99 cents, don’t even come into the place for Pete’s sake.

What did representative Harbin accomplish in the 2003 legislative session? He was going to get Columbia County money to help with the rain run-off problem, money for the library, and money to fix the Washington Road problem in Evans. In the absence of positive feedback, it must be safe to assume that Harbin did nothing except eat a lot of meals at lobbyist expense.

These storm-chasers must be crazy to risk life and limb for the thrill of chasing a tornado. So, these imbeciles actually do exist.

And I thought the movie “Twister” was a made-up tale.

Does it strike anyone as odd or even predetermined when designers of sports arenas recommend major facilities get built?

Futurity participants are happy to attend outdoor competitions across the South, and seem practically overwhelmed by the lavish Civic Center accommodations.

When they get a load of the proposed “Billy’s Horse Heaven,” their eyes will pop out! Only hitch is that designers, who must have grazed on locoweed, object to “a sea of parking places” around the site, so attendees will have to park in the emergency I-20 lanes and walk past the “village atmosphere” of barns, trailers, tack stands, compost bins, exercise rings and blacksmith shops.

To the person whining about misdemeanor fines: If you cannot afford to pay the fines then, yes, you go to jail. That’s the way it works. It’s neither a Republican nor Democrat ideal; it’s a matter of responsibility. You have to pay one way or the other.

Should we just let the people who can’t pay their fines go? Of course not!

Just three words describe Lowell Greenbaum: what a loser! The Democratic Party was once a great organization for good in America. Now all they can do is whine and suck up to Bill Clinton. They have no moral compass, no standards and no goals other than to get back into power.

Austin Rhodes called Lowell Greenbaum an uneducated dolt. Hmm...Lowell Greenbaum taught pharmacology, while Austin Rhodes didn’t even attend college.

Austin needs to look in the mirror when he uses the words “uneducated dolt.”

The Insider may have to eat crow over the emphatic prediction that District Attorney Danny Craig or Solicitor Cheryl Jolly won’t be appointed to the judgeship opening up.

These two seem to be the best qualified of all the names surfacing and I think to dismiss them at this early point is entirely premature and uncalled for. You’ll see.

First the basketball program, then the football program. When is the NCAA going to declare the UGA Athletic Department as “lacking institutional control”? And for you “Dawgie” fans who think Mark Richt is the second coming of Christ, just remember the apple doesn’t fall far from the tree. He worked for Bobby Bowden for 10-plus years, and Bowden is under investigation (again). As for the players involved, their teammates should brand them with a scarlet letter. If they care so little about the team as to prostitute the major symbol of their championship, then do they really care about the team in general? Starters or not, Richt should send them all packing and let them think about their mistake for years to come.

I applaud The Spirit for its story “DPower” featuring Lowell Greenbaum, chairman of the Democratic Party here in Augusta. This week there were two rightwing ditto heads that made statements like, “was a joke” and “aging crackpot.” Is this the best these right-wingers can say? If so,

Thumbs Up While we all resent being stuck in long lines on the interstate during road overhaul projects like the recent one on I-20, we can take comfort in one fact: Georgia, and most notably, metro Atlanta, has some of the smoothest roads in the country.

That according to a recent study by the non-profit research group, The Road Information Program, the results of which have been published nationally. State

transportation officials chalk up our pristine pavement to an abundance of highquality granite in our region, which is used in constructing roads. Georgia, various news outlets reported, also has a preventive approach to road maintenance, resurfacing highways before they become worn out. That results in fewer auto repairs due to potholes, uneven pavement, and the like, the study showed.

Thumbs Down The sight of what was easily a 10-foot-by10-foot Confederate flag rolling down the middle of Aiken, accompanied by a throng of Confederate flag-toting tag-alongs, during the city’s Memorial Day parade was nauseating. Sure, it was the Sons of Confederate Veterans, and they’re into the

maybe the Democrats have a chance in 2004. They are typical of Republicans of today: They can’t argue the issues so they attack the person. I mean, really. How can you argue with a spiraling economy, increased unemployment, a trillion-dollar budget while we are in a deficit, a tax cut for the wealthy when, because of these cuts, states are teetering at the pit of bankruptcy? And all the Republicans can come back with is, “He’s a joke” or an “aging crackpot.” No, the Republicans are a joke but I’m not laughing.

history of the Civil War, and blah, blah, blah.

However, as usual, it appeared to be no more than a grand flaunting of a symbol that has been nothing but divisive since it was lowered from the battlefield — more than 130 years ago. That’s right, guys. The war’s over. The South lost. Get over it.

When will the CSRA police departments go to work, especially on I-20 at the Georgia/South Carolina welcome center?

Speeding is speeding is speeding and they do lots of speeding on I-20 at Savannah River. Then they wonder, why all the wrecks in this area? They don’t have to stop people all the time, simply be visible several times a week. There are several other places around town, but every time I go onto I-20, I nearly get run off the road.

Could we hire the North Augusta Police Department to get involved?

The Insider of The MetSpirit reports Representative Barry Fleming is a GOP rising star. Gag me! Fleming is a Democrat masquerading with a Republican title. The GOP refers to these folks as a RINO (Republican In Name Only) or opportunists.

Austin Rhodes’ comments about giving more votes, and therefore more control over legislation, to those who have more money and pay more taxes, are a bit late.

Everyone knows we already have the best politicians money can buy.

Let me start by asking why we can’t get someone like Thomas R. Swift to be mayor. You were so right in so many ways.

It’s been quite a while since The Spirit printed an article on Wal-Mart, which is apparently run by a real version of Lex Luthor. And The Spirit machines disappeared. Where did they go?

Rumors are that poor Joey Brush is going to have a Republican opponent in the 2004 election. Brush’s behavior and ineffectiveness will be targets of the campaign. No doubt about it: His targets are tall and wide. Brush would be wise if he started his Christian singing tour early and get his teeth polished for a brighter smile. He will need all the help he can get.

Nice try on your Hottie Hunt but there are no hotties in Augusta. This place is filled with women who think they’re hot but aren’t.

Good luck in your search. You’ll need it.

I do believe Austin Rhodes forgot about the poor Conservatives that live in rural Georgia. They were born and bred to be Republicans. They do not understand that Republicans are for the rich not the poor.

The color of your money is the main issue.

Everything else is secondary. The rich Republicans would not like your ideas about voting. The middle class pays in far more taxes than the rich do; thus the middle class would have more say in how the government is run.

A 21-year-old Savannah “rap artist” (now there’s an oxymoron) is offed in a drive-by shooting and it makes for a “news” story in the paper? Why? So what? Who cares about those that prefer and even glorify the gangsta thug life, underachieving, bars-onthe-windows, who’s yo’ daddy welfare and public housing lifestyle? You live by the gun, you die by the gun or the crack cocaine or AIDS or whatever. Meanwhile, I noticed that the South Carolina kid who placed in the national geography bee made a mere three sentences on Page 4. As an American, this sort of dichotomy concerns me.

Re: “D-Power”: As an independent voter, I question Mr. Greenbaum’s blind party loyalty! Has our society gone from “my country, right or wrong” to “my party, right or wrong?” Think, man! Just think! Then vote!

So, Utah is going to execute two murderers by firing squad! At the murderer’s request yet! Sounds good to me! Perhaps this continued on page 6

Hottie Hunt You know who they are. The people you secretly lust after. Maybe you know a sexy stable boy from Aiken, a luscious grocery store clerk here in Augusta or a tractor-driving hunk from Columbia County. The guy or gal who serves you espresso at the coffee place, lunch or dinner at your favorite restaurant or tends bar at your regular watering hole. Maybe it’s the hottie who delivers packages to your office or works in the store where you buy clothes. It could be the sexy person who works in your office or that fine hottie who’s always two treadmills down from you at the gym. It could be anybody, as long as they’re hot…

But not … a local celebrity, media person, politician, stripper or money-grubbing professional. We want REAL people.

In the June 26 edition of The Spirit we’ll pay tribute to these unsung hotties. To do that WE NEED YOUR HELP. Complete the ballot and inform us how to find the hottie(s) that get your attention – time and time again.

When we’ve compiled the results we’ll contact these hotties and feature them in The Spirit.

Come on, tell us the object of your secret lust.

THE HOTTIE HUNT RULES AND REQUIREMENTS: • Enter as many names as you like. Locally famous people will be discarded. We know Danielle Reese is definitely a hottie, but she’d be disqualified under the contest guideines. Get it?

• Tell us as much as you can about the person(s) you choose. Names (if you know), where they work and what time you think we can reach them, and why you think your pick is a hottie.

Provide as much indentification and information as possible so we can find these sexy people.

Of course, your name is not required and we will feature interviews with these hotties ONLY with their permission. So enter the contest and make your favorite hottie famous.

YOU MAY ENTER YOUR PICK BY MAIL, FAX OR COMPLETE OUR ONLINE BALLOT Mail: Hottie Hunt c/o Metro Spirit P.O. Box 3809 Augusta, GA 30914

Fax: 706-733-6663 Online: www.metspirit.com

Deadline for Entries: Wednesday, June 18 Ballot Info: Name (if known)______________________________________________________________________________ Where the Hottie Works_______________________________________________________________________ What is this Hottie’s Job_______________________________________________________________________ Description of this Hottie and your comments__________________________________________________ ______________________________________________________________________________________________ ______________________________________________________________________________________________ ______________________________________________________________________________________________

5 M E T R O S P I R I T M A Y 2 9 2 0 0 3

6 M E T R O S P I R I T

Monday • 7:30pm Channel 4

Exotic Animals Q & A with The Augusta Conservation Education Society

M A Y 2 9 2 0 0 3

Old School Meets New School

exploring issues relevant to African Americans today with Dr. Ralph Watkins

Comedian

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continued from page 5 could be made a national mandate! Nah! The ACLU would get involved against that!

Hey, why don’t we execute the ACLU by firing squad?

Words

I hope the people of Augusta noticed that several local gas stations took the Memorial Day weekend as an opportunity to gouge our pocket books. Several, especially near Washington Rd and I-20, raised their prices by as much as 6-7 cents while other stations remained the same. I hope we remember this and patronize those that didn’t take advantage of us. It’s the best way to get our message out.

“I’m glad I did it, but I was over my head. I wasn’t as tough as I thought I was. I’m going back to my own tour where I belong.”

So North Augusta is getting one of those mega flea markets. Just yesterday I was thinking that I need a ceramic crying Indian or maybe a new glass unicorn.

People, go get a real job. Selling tube socks won’t make you rich.

Alvin Starks for congress. There, I said it!

Now, let the votes speak for the community.

I find it disgraceful that the Richmond County police have nothing better to do on Saturday afternoon than to line up 30 of “our” patrol cars on the Bobby Jones ramp to I-20 and pull over hundreds of cars passing over. Aren’t the police supposed to protect us by finding criminals? I have never seen violent crimes committed on I20, but you wouldn’t know it by this police presence. I guess finding actual criminals doesn’t pay the bills, but extorting ticket money from your citizens and tourists passing through our city sure must.

— Female golfer Annika Sorenstam, as quoted in an article in The Atlanta JournalConstitution, after being eliminated in the men’s Colonial golf tournament. Don’t let it get you down, Annika. Our hat’s off to you for trying.

I must admit my utter inability to understand the idiocy of this overblown karaoke contest phenomenon known as American Idol. All of the problems facing our country and our world today, and this culture is more concerned over who can perform vocal acrobatics while butchering a sing-along song on stage on network TV. (Notice they only show up during a ratings period.

Hmm!) Now all the hype is about the implication that the current “winner” is a fix, a “politically correct” American idol.

This is hilarious! Have we already forgotten the “real” reality television we watched on Sept. 11? Hopefully, one day we’ll look back and realize how stupid this really was.

Barry Fleming did not fill out his term on the Columbia County Commission; he has been in the state Legislature less than six months; now he wants to be appointed to the Superior Judicial Court. His total lack of experience does not qualify him to be a judge; he is an opportunist rather than wanting to serve people.

- Call our Whine Line at 510-2051 and leave your comments. We won’t use your name. Fax your whines by dialing (706) 733-6663 or e-mail your whines to whine@metspirit.com.

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S P I R I T

Senior Friends Cradle Club Community Ed

Free Morning Fitness Class**

Every Monday, Wednesday and Friday, 8:45 – 9:30 am. Members only.

Join our Cradle Club today! Membership is FREE. Please PRE-REGISTER for ALL classes.

Call 651-BABY (2229) or register online.

AARP Driver Safety Program**

Prepared Childbirth Classes*

Thursday & Friday, June 5 & 6, 12 pm Participants must pre-register. Open to the public 50+. Cost is $10/person.

Call 651-6716 to register.

Orientation Coffee for New and Renewing Members**

Tuesday, June 10, 10 am Open to all interested in joining Senior Friends. Please RSVP at 651-6716.

Education Program – Memory Loss by Dr. Phillip Kennedy*

Thursday, June 12, 11:30 am For those 50+. Register by June 8, 651-2450.

Line Dance Party**

Sunday, June 8, 4 – 6:30 pm

Saturday, June 7, 10 am – 12 pm This course is for girls 13-16 and their mothers or a female relative. Sexuality, peer pressure, substance abuse and confident decision-making skills will be taught and discussed. After completing the class, each girl will leave with added confidence in her ability to make informed decisions that will facilitate her transition into womanhood.

Sibling Class*

Diabetes Support Group

Mondays, June 9 – July 14 Tuesdays, June 24 – July 22 7 – 9:30 pm

Baby Care*

Sunday, June 8, 2 – 3:30 pm

Labor and Delivery Tour

Thursday, June 12, 7 – 8:30 pm Begins at the hospital in Classrooms 1 & 2.

Infant CPR*

Thursday, June 19, 6:30 – 9 pm

Friday, June 13, 7 pm $3/members, $7/non-members. For those 50+. Purchase tickets at the door.

Saturday Express Prepared Childbirth Class*

New Line Dance Lessons**

Breastfeeding*

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Financial Planning Seminar**

Thursday, June 26, 11:30 am Assessing Your Financial Status. Free lunch provided. Call 651-2450 to register, no later than June 22.

Growing Into Womanhood: A Time for Confidence and Decisions*

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Thursday, June 26, 6:30 – 8:30 pm

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Planning Your Retirement**

Thursday, June 26, 6 pm Have you made adequate plans for your retirement? Free dinner provided. Call 651-2450 to register, no later than June 22.

For more information, call 651-2450 or visit www.doctors-hospital.net

Tuesday, June 10, 6 pm Location: Doctors Hospital – Office Building III, Classrooms 4 & 5.

An educational seminar offered the second Tuesday every other month for the person with diabetes and his/her family members.

Call 651-2468.

You’re A Big Girl Now*

Saturday, June 14, 10 am – 12 pm Girls ages 9-12, along with their mothers, share information on puberty and adolescence.

They will discuss ways to successfully “survive” these natural changes.

Community Health Screenings

Wednesday, June 25, 7:30 – 10:30 am Location: Doctors Hospital Education Classrooms - First Floor • No appointments needed, just come in the main entrance of the hospital, directions are posted in the lobby.

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M A Y 2 9 2 0 0 3

8 M E T R O S P I R I T

THE COMFORT TIMES

M A Y

Letter to the Editor

Paranoia, Greed and Insecurity Have Overcome Austin Rhodes

2 9 2 0 0 3

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Dear Editor: In his 5-22-03 Metropolitan Spirit article, Austin Rhodes had the audacity to propose the United States Constitution be amended to give the wealthy citizenry the right to legally buy more votes. Of course, he means the wealthy conservativeminded citizenry. His proposal, and I quote: “Everyone gets one vote, for state, local, federal elections. Then you are awarded additional votes based on the amount of taxes you pay. The more money you surrender to the government, the more say you have in how it is run.” It appears paranoia, selfishness, greed, and insecurity have overcome Mr. Rhodes and his like-minded wealthmongers. Instead of seeking psychological counseling to remedy their character deficiencies, they would rather diminish the voting rights of the financially average American and increase the voting rights of the financially wealthy American. One man, one vote is no longer acceptable to Austin Rhodes and his like-minded wealthmongers. However, back in the good old days when women and African Americans were oppressed and did not have the right to vote, one man, one vote was considered a political stroke of genius. Back then, white men were not angry and felt secure in their oppression of women and minorities of color. How times have changed.

In addition, Mr. Rhodes and his likeminded wealthmongers would probably amend the Declaration of Independence, the other foundation document of the United States. The declaration states, “All governments derive their just powers from the consent of the governed.” Mr. Rhodes would probably like it to read, “The U.S. government derives the vast majority of its power from the consent of those who are wealthy enough to buy the most votes.” Obviously, Mr. Rhodes envisions a nation whose motto says, “In money we trust,” and whose citizens live by a philosophy which says whoever has the gold rules. How pathetic. In 1896 Robert Ingersoll eloquently described the character of the citizen and the society that places wealth on a pedestal. He

wrote, “Neither beggars nor millionaires are the happiest of mankind. The man at the bottom of the ladder hopes to rise; the man at the top fears to fall. The one asks; the other refuses; and, by frequent refusal, the heart becomes hard enough and the hand greedy enough to clutch and hold.

“Few people love intelligence enough, real greatness enough, to own a great fortune. As a rule, the fortune owns them.

Their fortune is their master, for whom they work and toll like slaves. Now society bows and kneels at the feet of wealth.

Wealth gives power. Wealth commands flattery and adulation. And so millions of people give all their energies, as well as their very souls, for the acquisition of wealth. And this will continue as long as society is ignorant enough and hypocritical enough to hold in high esteem the person of wealth without the slightest regard to the character of the person.

When people become really intelligent, no human being will give their life to the acquisition of what they do not need or what they cannot intelligently use. The time will come when the truly intelligent person cannot be happy, cannot be satisfied, when millions of his fellow neighbors are hungry and naked.” I suppose the time will come when Mr. Rhodes and his wealthy vote-buyers will not be named among the intelligent.

Finally, in his article, Austin Rhodes argues in favor of church and state separation. In his article, Mr. Rhodes said, “The best way to ensure our country does make the right decisions for the future and security is to award voting power based on the taxes we pay. The more money you surrender (taxes) to the government, the more say you have in how it is run.” Therefore, since churches pay no taxes, religious institutions have no say in how government is run.

According to Mr. Rhodes, no national day of prayer and no federal- or statesanctioned religious holidays. Is that not correct, Mr. Rhodes?

— Kevin A. Palmer

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"FIXED RIGHT OR IT'S FREE™”

See page 46

Opinion: Austin Rhodes

Somebody Call Mike Eubanks ... Quick!

T

he speculation continues surrounding the upcoming gubernatorial selection to replace retiring Augusta Superior Court Judge Lyn Allgood.

The main problem facing Governor Sonny Perdue: There are no strong, obvious GOP candidates who have high-profile civil and criminal law experience. It was reported here (last week’s Insider column) that the governor was facing steady pressure from party stalwarts to name an entrenched Republican to the post. That isn’t true. It is an ultimatum. According to my sources it is going to be a Republican, and that means previously suggested frontrunners Danny Craig and Sheryl Jolly are out.

Also apparently “out” is state Representative Barry Fleming. While he does possess the political pedigree, he is woefully lacking in criminal and domestic law background. The comments attributed to state Senator Joey Brush in the Columbia News Times last week, that Fleming had the position if he wanted it, were apparently wrong. A source close to the governor says on that issue, “Senator Brush is so full of crap, he qualifies to be a septic tank.” Ouch.

Another name you can scratch, is local attorney Wade Padgett, who reportedly wrote Perdue’s campaign a check for $1,000 not quite a month ago. Such a large contribution, supposedly his first, so close to the nomination would be a huge red flag to even the most amateur political watchdog.

So, where does that leave the governor?

Too bad Mike Eubanks isn’t still around. He was the only dyed-in-the-wool Republican who had criminal and domestic law experience no one could argue. At last word he and his wife were enjoying a quiet life in the mountains of North Carolina. Maybe someone could send him a telegram?

There is another possibility, and it is an intriguing one. Former Assistant DA and newly hired U.S. Attorney Patricia Johnson.

Johnson was widely regarded as one of the finest in Craig’s office over the last few years, and she was often at his side during his most high profile cases. Her GOP loyalty is not in question, either. While she never Family Practice Evans Martinez Medical Center

took an active role in local Republican politics, her husband Michael is a state delegate for the party, and a vocal conservative.

Everyone has always known Patricia is every bit as supportive of the cause as her husband.

The only real question mark is her desire for the position.

One thing that could keep her out of it, is the possibility that her former boss may want to run for the job at the next election cycle.

If Craig voices that possibility, she will keep her new job as a federal prosecutor and never look back.

Johnson’s name is being tossed about quite heavily in some circles, and Perdue would love to be able to name a woman to the spot is possible. Will the stars line up in favor of such a move? Too many variables at this time to speculate.

Big Trouble for Charles Walker I have it on pretty good authority that the information being delivered to the federal grand jury investigating former state Senator Charles Walker could end up resulting in a career-ending, political bloodbath. Not only is Walker on the spot, but a few other very recognizable names, both in and out of the former politician’s family, are being scrutinized.

The Atlanta Journal-Constitution is currently hard at work on a piece exposing what details they have. I wonder if our local daily is doing the same? In the meantime there are a few rumors circulating that Walker may be liquidating a few of his holdings. His properties carry a certain value that would drop like a rock if he were indicted. Hey Senator: Sell now.

Overheard at the Gold Dome “If you thought there was no pork in this year’s budget, wait till you see next year’s. It may qualify to be ‘kosher’.” —— Staffer in the governor’s office — The views expressed in this column are the views of the writer and do not necessarily represent the views of the publisher. The archived Austin Rhodes columns can now be seen at www.wgac.com

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Global Spectrum Pleads Its Case

T

hree representatives from Global Spectrum, the second-largest entertainment facility management company in the world, went before the Augusta-Richmond County Coliseum Authority to prove to the board that their company could turn around the numerous problems facing Augusta’s civic center.

The three officials were enthusiastic, gracious, and extremely positive about the civic center’s future in Augusta.

Needless to say, they didn’t fit in with the authority.

Frank Russo Jr., the senior vice president of Global Spectrum, began his presentation to the board on May 27 with the confidence that Global Spectrum would be the new management company at the civic center.

“We have been anticipating a takeover effective July 1,” Russo said.

Several of the authority members shot quick glances at one another when Russo said the word “takeover.”

In March, the authority narrowly approved hiring Global Spectrum with a 54 vote. However, since that decision, opinion on the board appears to have shifted.

Global Spectrum’s contract with the authority is still under negotiation, and there have been rumors that several board members have proposed that the civic center insert certain guarantees into the contract relating to how many shows the company brings to Augusta each year and how many people each show will draw.

Such guarantees are virtually impossible for any company to promise.

And many board members against Global Spectrum’s management of the civic center are completely aware that the company can’t possibly agree to those terms.

So, whether Global Spectrum will really be managing the civic center come July 1 is still quite uncertain, no matter how confident Russo sounded.

Next month, the authority is scheduled to officially accept or reject Global Spectrum’s contract, which is estimated to cost $102,000 a year. The authority will also have to hire a general manager chosen

by Global Spectrum at an annual salary of approximately $75,000.

Michel Sauers, president and CEO of Global Spectrum, had one last opportunity to convince the authority that his company was worthy of that contract.

And he tried his best.

Sauers began by telling the authority that he visited Augusta’s civic center seven years ago when the board was first looking into hiring a private management company.

Back then, Sauers said, he thought Augusta’s civic center was outdated and needed to be energized, but the authority ended up choosing another firm, Leisure Management International (LMI), to run the facility.

Seven years later, Sauers said the arena looks basically the same.

“Since that time, my view has not changed,” Sauers said.

Sauers said the civic center desperately needs to improve its bottom line, book more events and increase attendance.

In order to help promote local interest in the civic center, Sauers said he was considering developing a marketing department within the facility.

“Attendance is the key to our business,” Sauers said. “If visitors come away with anything negative, we haven’t done our job.

“People are coming to see a show. They are coming to be entertained. They are

BY STACEY EIDSON

looking for an event. It is our job to do everything we can to make that experience enjoyable for them.”

As he was reviewing Augusta’s attendance records, he was shocked to find that audiences for the Harlem Globetrotters from one year to the next had dropped dramatically.

“It dropped 1,000 people,” Sauers said.

“That is 1,000 people that didn’t come back. And my question is: Why not?”

Sauers said he had the perfect person to try and help Augusta answer such ques-

tions. He introduced Sally Roach, Augusta’s proposed new interim manager, for the civic center.

Roach is the former general manager of the Oakland Stadium, home of the Oakland Raiders. Her husband recently moved to Columbia, S.C., to teach at the University of South Carolina.

“We are very fortunate to have her in the area,” Sauers said, adding that Roach has 23 years of experience in the business.

“I’m used to coming in and taking on a facility that has sort of fallen behind and

“I’m sorry if I’m cynical or whatever, but I’ve heard a lot of stories.”

– Billy Holden, the Coliseum Authority’s vice chairman

bringing them back up to where they should be,” Roach said with confidence.

“It’s something that I’ve done before and I look forward to having the same opportunity here in Augusta.”

But as soon as Global Spectrum’s presentation was over, the negative questions started flowing from the authority.

First, authority member Ellis Albright told Sauers that he didn’t hear Global Spectrum promise them anything that he thought the current civic center staff isn’t already delivering.

“You aren’t guaranteeing us anything,” Albright said.

Then, Mildred McDaniel wanted to know the percentage of minorities Global Spectrum had working within its top management.

Sauers said that the percentage of minority management equaled approximately 33 percent.

“Well, I saw an advertisement for your company a couple of weeks ago and in that lineup I didn’t see much diversity there,” McDaniel said. “I hardly saw any women; I didn’t see any Asians or Hispanics or African-Americans.”

Sauers proceeded to name a number of high-level employees who are minorities.

Finally, several authority members were concerned that Global Spectrum’s fees would go way beyond the yearly $102,000 proposed charge by the company.

Sauers assured the authority that it was in Global Spectrum’s best interest to reduce the civic center’s budget.

“Y’all of course won’t guarantee it, but you are telling us that you are going to reduce our deficit,” said Billy Holden, the authority’s vice chairman.

Holden told Sauers that he found such statements hard to believe.

“I’ve had a man sit here right in this room and guarantee me he was going to cut our electric bills,” Holden said. “He had no idea what the bills were running at the time. And needless to say, he didn’t cut the electric bills.

“So, I’m sorry if I’m cynical or whatever, but I’ve heard a lot of stories.”

All Sauers could do was tell the board that Global Spectrum would be honest with the authority and do the best job possible.

“I think the representations made to you here today have been truthful and honest,” Sauers said. “I don’t have much. I don’t produce an actual product. All I have is my word. And if I tell you something, it’s because I believe it.”

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Metro Beat: Analysis

FCC Dereg and the Billy Pulpit

By Norman Solomon

M

edia outlets are the lifeblood of the body politic. Extensive circulation of ideas, information, analysis and debate must exist — not just once in a while, but all the time — or the consequences are severe, even catastrophic.

You can gauge our society’s political and social health by checking some vital media signs: Scrutinize the programming of stations that fall under the purview of the Federal Communications Commission.

Watch a few dozen TV channels. Listen to all the radio stations on the AM and FM bands. If the dominant content doesn’t make you feel sick, then you’re probably not paying close attention.

By any measure, since the 1980s, media ownership in the United States has steadily moved in only one direction — toward greater concentration in fewer and fewer corporate hands.

That ominous trend is likely to get another powerful shove forward in the coming week, on June 2, when the FCC is scheduled to vote on a revision of media ownership rules. Around the country, grassroots activists have been challenging the move to further loosen regulations. But clearly the interests of huge media conglomerates are getting a big boost from the FCC chair, Michael Powell, son of Secretary of State Colin Powell.

For a long time, the situation has been grim. Two decades ago, former Washington Post assistant managing editor Ben Bagdikian sketched out the nation’s terrain of media ownership. In 1983, when his book “The Media Monopoly” first appeared, “50 corporations dominated most of every mass medium.” With each new edition of the book, that number kept dropping — to 29 media firms in 1987, 23 in 1990, 14 in 1992 and 10 in 1997.

Published in 2000, the sixth edition of “The Media Monopoly” documented that just a half-dozen corporations were supplying most of the USA’s media fare. “It is the overwhelming collective power of these firms, with their corporate interlocks and unified cultural and political values, that raises troubling questions about the individual’s role in the American democracy,” Bagdikian wrote.

Overall, the news coverage of the latest FCC proposal has been badly skewed, with radio and TV networks opting to tread lightly on the matter. That’s not surprising.

Billions of dollars in revenues are at stake for mega-media owners.

A few prominent journalists, such as New York Times columnist Paul Krugman, have raised an alarm this spring. And some newspaper stories have laid out basic facts. But — as part of a classic pattern — news coverage of the FCC controversy has been largely relegated to business sections, as though the FCC decision were merely a financial matter.

“Most people in this country have no idea what’s about to happen to them,” says dis-

Augusta Chronicle owner Billy Morris senting FCC commissioner Jonathan Adelstein, “even though their very democracy is at stake.”

One of the impending rule changes would allow a single company to own TV stations reaching 45 percent of the nationwide audience (instead of the current on-paper limit of 35 percent). But that understates the impact, as Andrew Schwartzman of the Media Access Project points out: “The 45percent number that has been floated is a fake number. It will realistically be much, much higher.”

Another FCC change would end the ban on a single firm’s cross-ownership of daily newspapers and TV stations in four-fifths of the country’s media markets. And the limits on ownership of television stations in large metropolitan areas would also be eased, so that one company could own three TV stations.

Locally, relaxing or lifting the FCC ban could dramatically alter Augusta’s media landscape, as was pointed out in articles that ran in The Spirit this past February and April of last year.

In the April story, which focused on the trend of convergence — the central and simultaneous dissemination of news over the mediums of television, newspapers and the Internet — then-Augusta Chronicle General Manager Julian Miller (now the paper’s president) said he’d be interested in acquiring a local TV station if the FCC ban was lifted.

Around the same time, William S. “Billy” Morris, III, chairman and CEO of Morris Communications Corp., which owns The Chronicle, told Editor & Publisher magazine he was “optimistic” that lifting the ban would create a more level playing field (Morris’ media holdings, which include

newspapers, magazines, TV and radio stations and a billboard company, have been estimated to net him in excess of a half-billion dollars in revenues; if that’s not knocking it out of the park ...).

“I think you can look at the word ‘optimistic’ in his (Billy Morris’) statement,” a spokesperson told Editor & Publisher when asked if Morris planned to snap up more TV and radio stations if the ban were lifted.

Appearing on Bill Moyers’ program “Now” on PBS in early May, FCC commissioner Michael Copps warned: “This [the potential lifting of the cross-ownership ban] is not just some little mechanical thing about numbers or a little decision about numbers of stations. This is something that has very widespread and profound implications.”

Said Copps: “I understand they (broadcasters) live in a commercial culture and a business culture. But this is a special industry with a special charge — administering the public airwaves. Nobody owns these airwaves. There’s no TV company or radio company that owns the airwaves. The people of the United States of America own the airwaves.”

Yes, in theory, the airwaves belong to you and me. But one political action after another in Washington has been stealing those airwaves from us. And the Republican majority on the FCC is about to pull off another massive heist.

All the signs indicate that early June will bring another triumph for the corporate forces that have hijacked the public airwaves for private gain. And they call it democracy.

— Norman Solomon is co-author of “Target Iraq: What the News Media Didn’t Tell You.” Additional staff reports were used in this story.

13 M E T R O S P I R I T

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14 M E T R O S P I R I T M A Y 2 9 2 0 0 3

A Fight for Funding:

A r t s C o m m u n i t y Wa n t s S a l e s Ta x S u p p o r t

BY STACEY EIDSON

A

ugusta’s proposed judicial center needs $20 million. The city’s public works department has asked for $186 million. The local library’s wish list includes $16 million worth of improvements. And quality-of-life projects such as the $20 million exhibit and trade center and the $89 million sports arena are also expecting some funding from the city.

These requests only scratch the surface of those city departments and local groups hoping to nab some sales tax money by grabbing the attention of this year’s citizens review committee.

This 21-member committee is tasked with the responsibility of recommending to the Augusta Commission which of the proposed projects deserve funding from Phase V of the special purpose local option sales tax (SPLOST).

The city could potentially have up to $300 million to divvy up if the Augusta

Commission follows City Administrator George Kolb’s advice to ask voters to extend this next phase of 1-cent sales tax for a 10year period.

Of course, all of this is speculation until the Augusta Commission takes its sales tax list to the streets and convinces Richmond County voters to approve SPLOST Phase V. But talk of $300 million has a way of piquing people’s interest in town.

And on May 21, it was the arts community’s turn to step into the spotlight and prove to the citizens review committee that they deserve a piece of that $300 million pie.

However, to the dismay of many members of the citizens review committee, it appeared certain members of the arts community weren’t singing the same tune when it came to their vision for Augusta.

“We call it our future,” said Lowell Greenbaum, as he presented the citizens

review committee with the Greater Augusta Arts Council’s feasibility study for a $65 million performing arts center proposed to be built downtown near the Savannah River.

As spokesperson for the project, Greenbaum said the 2002 study recommends constructing a fully equipped, 2,000-seat theater, as well as a smaller 400-seat theater, to attract touring companies that currently cannot perform in Augusta because of the limited seating at the Imperial Theatre or the poor condition of the Bell Auditorium.

“The Bell Auditorium cannot be renovated to perform the unique functions of this new performing arts center,” Greenbaum said. “For your information, every time the Augusta Symphony plays in the Bell, they have to support that auditorium with $5,000 to $6,000 to enhance the acoustics. The acoustics are just terrible.

“When entertainers come to the Bell, they

seldom come back. This complex would be state-of-the-art.”

Greenbaum requested from the sales tax committee approximately $25 million to get the project underway.

By investing in the performing arts center, Greenbaum said, not only will Augusta be able to attract world-class touring entertainment, but the facility would also support the local arts groups.

During his presentation, Greenbaum provided the committee with a list of local organizations that he said have “committed” to performing at the new center, including the Augusta Players, the Augusta Ballet, the Augusta Opera and the Augusta Mini Theatre.

Tyrone Butler, founder of the Augusta Mini Theatre, was sitting in the audience, waiting to do a sales tax presentation of his own and immediately got a puzzled look on his face when he heard his organization mentioned. continued on page 16

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continued from page 14 “So, all the local arts groups are in favor of this?” asked Ed Tarver, co-chairman of the citizens review committee.

“Yes, they are,” Greenbaum said proudly.

“We speak as one voice, fortunately. And as you know, that’s hard in the arts community.”

With that, it was Butler’s turn to present his proposal to the citizens group.

And slowly the story began to change.

For the past several years, Butler has been trying to raise enough money to move out of his community arts school, currently located on Eighth Street, into a larger facility that will include a 300-seat theater, art and dance studios, a music ensemble room and a recording studio.

The estimated cost for completion of the total project is approximately $6 million. The Mini Theatre has already collected more than $2.1 million toward the new school — $1 million of which came from previous SPLOST funding and $500,000 from the state of Georgia.

Butler told the committee that the proposed new site for the school is 2546 Deans Bridge Road.

“It will accommodate 400 students,” Butler said. “And if we opened today, it’s a guarantee that we would be at capacity. So, we are requesting today $5 million to construct the community arts school.”

Several of the committee members began to squirm in their seats. The committee asked Butler if he had considered utilizing the performing arts center as previously suggested by Greenbaum.

Butler politely smiled and said there was a big difference between the Augusta Mini Theatre and the proposed performing arts center.

“The main difference is that the performing arts center is a performing arts complex,” Butler said. “The Augusta Mini Theatre is a performing arts school that happens to have a small theater. But we will be using that small theater not only for performances but for teaching as well.”

By this time, the committee members found themselves facing $30 million worth of funding requests from the arts community.

The problem was, the sales tax list provided to the committee by Kolb only recommended $25 million be provided to local arts projects.

So, the committee was already feeling the financial pinch when Greg Goodwin, executive director of the Imperial Theatre, had the misfortune of being the final sales tax presenter of the day.

“Well, let’s begin with a little history lesson,” Goodwin told the committee, explaining that the Imperial Theatre first opened in Feb. 1918.

The theater, then called The Wells after its founder Jake Wells, was said to be one of the most magnificent vaudeville theaters in the South.

Goodwin pointed out that the 86-year-old Imperial Theatre has been host to a number of celebrities including the great Charlie Chaplin, as well as the famous ballet dancer Anna Pavlova.

“We have quite a legacy here that we need to protect,” Goodwin said. “And, let me just say, most of the historic theaters in Georgia have been restored.”

Specifically, Goodwin said, he was

“Specifically, the Augusta Opera, the Augusta Players and the Augusta Ballet say that they all want to use the Imperial Theatre, but they want to use it restored.”

– Greg Goodwin, executive director of the Imperial Theatre

impressed with the city of Columbus, Ga. which invested approximately $100 million in its cultural and arts facilities including building the RiverCenter, which is a large theater complex comparable to Augusta’s proposed performing arts center.

However, along with building a number of new facilities, Goodwin said, Columbus also renovated its historic Liberty Theatre and 1800s-era Springer Opera House.

“So, they took care of their past while building their future,” Goodwin told the committee.

In order to revitalize the Imperial Theatre, Goodwin said he needs a $9.8 million investment to accommodate future performances.

“Right now, we have only a few small dressing rooms backstage,” Goodwin said.

“During productions like ‘The Nutcracker,’ we have 70 kids in the performance.”

Goodwin explained that the children are forced to change upstairs, walk downstairs to the theater’s alley and come in the back door of the theater to get on stage for the performance.

“Also, when you only have four stalls in the women’s restroom for 900 seats or when you have an air conditioning that is so noisy that you can’t hear the performance if it’s running, that’s a real problem,” Goodwin said.

The Imperial Theatre has developed a master plan to help solve some of the theater’s growing pains as well as beautify the building.

For example, the plan calls for restoring the outside facade of the building by adding a large marquee and a rooftop garden, and by rearranging the box office to make it more convenient for customers.

Inside the theater, the study suggests a more grand entrance with archways along the ceiling that lead to a large concession area with more room for patrons to socialize.

New bathrooms are also expected to be constructed in the basement and balcony levels, and a four-story dressing room facility is proposed behind the stage.

Goodwin was clearly excited about the master plan for the theater, but the citizens review committee didn’t hear many of its details.

They were still reeling from Goodwin’s $9.8 million request.

When asked what portion of the renovations Goodwin was looking to be funded by sales tax money, his answer sparked muffled laughter from the committee.

“I’m asking actually for the entire $9.8 million,” Goodwin said.

Goodwin later suggested that $5 million would provide the theater with sufficient seed money for a fundraising campaign to help the Imperial Theatre to continue to house many local arts groups.

“The Imperial Theatre now serves as the performing arts home for the Augusta Opera, the Augusta Ballet, the Augusta Players and the Augusta Jazz Project,” Goodwin told the committee.

Many members of the citizens committee were puzzled by Goodwin’s list of local art groups.

“You mentioned the organizations that currently use the Imperial Theatre, but I think many, if not all of those, were part of Mr. Greenbaum’s presentation as future tenants of the performing arts center,” Tarver said.

Goodwin paused for a moment and then answered Tarver’s question.

“To make it very clear, I’ve talked to these arts groups about the use of the performing arts center and the use of the Imperial Theatre,” Goodwin said. “Most arts groups have sent a statement supporting the performing arts center saying, ‘We need such a venue in Augusta.’

“But they have told me they would stay with the Imperial Theatre. Specifically, the Augusta Opera, the Augusta Players and the Augusta Ballet say that they all want to use the Imperial Theatre, but they want to use it restored.”

Greenbaum, however, said he had not heard any such pledges.

“As far as the arts groups preferring their current location, that’s not what we understand at all,” Greenbaum told the committee.

“We have had great commitment from the arts groups. We know they will grow in this new venue and we have never heard that there was

some competition between us.

“I hope you don’t look at this as some split up of the arts group. It is not.”

But it was too late. There seemed to be some obvious tension between the arts groups before the citizens committee.

Zanne Colton, the artistic director for the Augusta Ballet, said it was a shame that the sales tax presentation were not a more united front because the majority of the arts community sees a need for the Imperial Theatre, the performing arts center and the Augusta Mini Theatre.

“I wish that we could get ourselves together here,” Colton said. “I just don’t see that there is any need to be three separate entities. We need to get our house in order because going off in three separate directions, with three separate fundraising campaigns, would be too difficult. We don’t need to be segregated.”

As far as which venue the Augusta Ballet would use in the future — the Imperial or the performing arts center — Colton said, currently, the intimate setting of the 900seat Imperial Theatre better supports the ballet’s productions.

“The reality, right now, for us is the Imperial Theatre,” Colton said. “But I do believe that Augusta does need a performing arts center so we can take our place as our second-largest metropolitan area here in the state.

“So, by no means, do I think any of the arts groups, from all the executive directors that I’ve spoken to, are wanting to throw a wet blanket on the performing arts center.

But I think the real concern is, we do hope we will be considered in the planning for the new facility.

“After all, we cannot compete with, nor do we want to compete with, a big touring show that can pull in 2,000 patrons in one night.

That’s not what we do.”

Colton said one of her biggest concerns is that the performing arts center will be so costly that it will be completely unavailable to local groups.

“We don’t want our performing arts center to be a mere roadhouse that no one in the city is able to perform in or use,” Colton said.

“So, there’s still a lot to be worked out.”

Debi Ballas, executive director of the Augusta Players, said the key to solving the problem of arts funding in Augusta is to have a better line of communication between all of the organizations involved.

“It’s a matter of miscommunication,” Ballas said. “I truly believe, during the planning stages for the performing arts center, there should be more feedback from the other local arts groups on the project. I think that’s imperative.”

Only then will groups planning renovations and new construction have a good understanding of the needs in the arts community, she said.

“Everyone wants a new performing arts center,” Ballas said. “But I think that Augusta should not forget about places like the historic Imperial Theatre while studying plans for the performing arts center.

“Because while we do support building a performing arts center, we believe the renovation of the Imperial Theatre should also be included. To have an either/or situation, I just don’t think that would satisfy everyone’s needs or be good for Augusta.”

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HEALTH PAGE

M E T R O

Take care of yourself. Let University help.

“HealthTalk” on WGAC-580 AM Tune in Monday, June 9, at 8:30 a.m. to hear Brian Phelan, M.D., a board-certified cardiologist on University’s medical staff, discuss the new drug-eluting stent.

National Cancer Survivors Day Lunch Sunday, June 1 1 p.m.

Julian Smith Barbecue Pit Milledge Road If you are a cancer survivor, University Hospital invites you and a guest to attend a FREE luncheon in honor of your courage and determination.

We will have entertainment, door prizes and a special gift for each attendee.

Reservations are required and limited.

Call 706/738-2580 or 800/413-6652.

Evening Community Education: Chest Pain and Heart Health William E. Callaghan, M.D. Thursday, June 19 Registration and dinner: 5:30 p.m.

Speaker: 6-7 p.m.

University Hospital Dining Rooms 1-3 Seating is limited to 75. $8 Seniors Club members, $9 advanced registration, $10 at the door For reservations and more information, call 706/736-0847.

Summer Special at Health Central Buy one membership and get another for half price, or try three months for $99!

Join Health Central, University’s wellness center, and beat the winter blues through exercise and lifestyle education programs. Health Central offers an indoor pool and track, group cycling, yoga, kick box aerobics and weight training programs designed to meet any lifestyle.

Offer good through June 30.

For more information, call 706/724-4408.

Stroke: Signs, Prevention & Care Although stroke is the third leading cause of death in the United States, most strokes are treatable with early intervention. Unfortunately, many patients assume stroke symptoms will pass, so they don’t seek treatment. But waiting generally increases the damage stroke causes.

A stroke occurs when the blood supply to the brain is interrupted and brain tissue is deprived of oxygen. Within minutes, brain cells begin to die.

Therefore, the immediate medical goal is to remove the blockage and restore blood flow to the brain as soon as possible.

Warning signs include: • Sudden numbness or weakness of the face, arm or leg, especially on one side of the body • Sudden confusion or trouble speaking or understanding speech • Sudden trouble seeing in one or both eyes • Dizziness, sudden trouble walking or loss of balance or coordination • Sudden severe headache with no known cause • Difficulty swallowing

To reduce your risk of stroke, follow these preventive guidelines: • Don’t smoke.

• Limit cholesterol and fat.

• Eat at least five servings of fruit and vegetables every day.

• Limit sodium.

• Exercise regularly.

• Drink alcohol in moderation, if at all.

• Maintain a healthy weight.

• Don’t use illegal drugs.

• Control diabetes.

• Have regular medical checkups.

Realizing that stroke units improve functional outcomes and save lives, University opened a dedicated five-bed Stroke Unit last year. The unit offers multidisciplinary care, specialized nursing and early rehabilitation for stroke patients. A team including a neurologist, nurse, dietitian, pharmacist, care manager and rehab therapists perform rounds daily. Together, they review each patient’s medical history and develop a plan of care designed to ensure the best possible outcome.

For free 24-hour information on stroke or other health concerns, call ASK-A-NURSE at 706/737-8423 (SER-VICE) or 800/476-7378.

Your resource for healthy living.

COMMUNITY EDUCATION Surgically Assisted Weight Management Program Thursday, May 29 5-6 p.m.

University Hospital Weight Management and Nutrition Center FREE Registration required. Call 706/774-8917.

Fresh Start Smoking Cessation Program June 3, 10, 17, 24 Noon-1 p.m.

University Hospital Cafeteria FREE Registration required. Call 706/774-8900.

OB Tour June 12 7-9:30 p.m.

University Hospital Women’s Center FREE Registration required.

Call 706/774-2825.

FREE Mammograms Available Through a grant from the Avon Foundation Breast Care Fund, University Breast Health Center offers a FREE mammogram and education for any woman 40 or older who qualifies. Call 706/774-4141.

Parkinson’s Disease Tuesday, June 24, 6 p.m.

St. John Towers 724 Greene St. For more information, call Mary Ann Navarro at 706/863-6355.

SENIORS CLUB For information or to register for the following activities, call 706/738-2580 or 800/413-6652.

Alzheimer’s Disease 7 p.m.

Alzheimer’s Association Augusta Chapter 1899 Central Ave. For dates call 706/731-9060.

Breakfast with the Doctor: High Blood Pressure and Strokes Harold McGrade, MD Thursday, June 19 9-11 a.m.

University Hospital Dining Rooms 1-3 Reservations required. For more information, call 706/738-2580.

Seating limited to 80.

FREE for Seniors Club Members, $3 for nonmembers

Log on to learn more: www.universityhealth.org

SUPPORT GROUPS HEALTH SCREENINGS University Health Care System has been named the National Research Corporation’s Consumer Choice Award winner in the Augusta area for the fourth consecutive year.

F OR FREE 24- HOUR

FREE Pulmonary Function Screenings Third Tuesday of each month June 17 1-3 p.m.

University Hospital Asthma Clinic Appointments required.

Call 706/774-5696.

HEALTH INFORMATION , CALL

Diabetes Thursday, June 12 5 p.m.

S&S Cafeteria, North Augusta, S.C. Dutch treat. For more information, call 706/774-5798.

ASK•A•NURSE

FREE

Speech and Hearing Screening For Adults and Children To schedule an appointment, call 706/774-5777.

MUST PRESENT COUPON

Redeemable at University Speech & Hearing Center, corner of R.A. Dent Boulevard & St. Sebastian Way

AT

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“Stupid White Men” … and Other Subversive Summer Reading Choices Let’s face it — what you read poolside says a lot about you. Don’t believe for a second that your fellow sunbathers won’t notice what’s on the cover of your book and make a judgment about you based on it. Keeping that in mind, do you really want everyone to see you reading the latest by Dr. Phil?

Why not have a little fun instead? Pick up one of the following books and proudly present your controversial choice to the world. You won’t go unnoticed.

By Amy Fennell Christian

Stupid White Men … and Other Sorry Excuses for the State of the Nation!

By Michael Moore

(ReganBooks, hardcover, 277 pages, $24.95) Whip this book out poolside and you’re guaranteed to get some attention. And, what’s more, you’ll be in for a pretty interesting (not to mention funny or infuriating depending on your political leanings) read as well.

Moore, in case anyone doesn’t know by now, recently won a Best Documentary Feature Oscar for “Bowling for Columbine,” his take on America’s obsession with firearms, and was booed off the stage during his acceptance speech (the complete text of the offending speech can be found at www.michaelmoore.com). The diatribe was an extension of “Stupid White Men,” his top-selling nonfiction book of 2002 that leapt back to the top of the bestseller list after Oscar night.

Flip through the book with chapters like “Kill Whitey” and “One Big Happy Prison,” and it’s apparent why Moore makes so many people angry. He has an agenda and he’s not afraid to voice it, even when it runs counter to what everyone else in the country seems to be thinking.

His main agenda is getting George W. Bush out of office. He asserts that most people in America feel the same way he does – that “Baby Bush” stole the election and that the “thief in chief” will get his comeuppance when ordinary citizens rise up and stage a countercoup.

Conservatives may be letting out a collective groan, but they shouldn’t dismiss Moore. He makes convincing arguments and gives readers all the tools they need (text of relevant laws, ways to contact those in power) should

they choose to join his grass-roots campaign. And then there’s his humor, a powerful weapon in its own right.

“Our Idiot-in-Chief does nothing to hide his ignorance – even brags about it,” Moore writes. “During his commencement address to the Yale Class of 2001, George W. Bush spoke proudly of having been a mediocre student at Yale. ‘And to the C students, I say you, too, can be President of the United States!’ The part where you also need an ex-President father, a brother as governor of a state with missing ballots, and a Supreme Court full of your dad’s buddies must have been too complicated to bother with in a short speech.”

Dubya’s not the only one who gets skewered, though.

Conspiracy theories abound, and all go to show the havoc that stupid white men can wreak on everything from the environment to the judicial system. Throughout the book, Moore offers nuggets of information designed to help readers become more informed and involved. Oh, and check out “Mike’s Fantasy List of Women Presidents” on Page 151. Georgians might find his No. 1 pick (a former congresswoman from our fair state) especially interesting.

The book, written in 2001, is out of date in some places and, when read straight through, can be downright depressing. Taken in small doses, though, “Stupid White Men” is both entertaining and informative.

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Strip City: A Stripper’s Farewell Journey Across America

S P I R I T

By Lily Burana

(Mirimax Books paperback, 328 pages, $13) If you think the prep work to get ready for bikini season is bad, it’s nothing compared to what any stripper worth her patent-leather, thigh-high boots goes through. Just ask Lily Burana, a former peepshow girl and dancer, who, after giving up a lucrative career to become a writer (Burana has been published in the New York Times Book Review and the Washington Post among others, no small feat for any journalist), takes it up again in a last-ditch effort to understand what made her do it in the first place.

The opening chapter, “Spandex as a Second Language,” in which Burana details everything from choosing a stage name (“For credibility’s sake, I will avoid the whole Sandy, Mandy, Brandy axis entirely”) to putting together “the bare essentials” (the list of costumes, accessories, and beauty products fills nearly a page), is a scream, and it gets better.

The impetus for her journey is her impending marriage to Randy, a Harley-riding cowboy who owns a construction company in Wyoming. Still not understanding what made her, as a misfit teenager, begin dancing, Burana decided to put the matter to rest in an off-and-on, year-long trip to different strip clubs across the country. What follows is part memoir and part travelogue, an

insightful look at club practices (which vary widely from state to state), dancing history, public misconceptions and one stripper’s mindset.

“It’s indescribable bliss resting on the blade of a knife, the most strange and foreign place I was ever meant to be,” she writes. “I would be helpless to try to explain it, but if you had ever known that sensation, you’d never want to leave that warm, wet spot on the lip of the maw.”

Burana, a metal-loving guy’s girl, will also endear herself to any man who picks up the book, especially when she complains that most clubs won’t allow deejays to play songs by one of her favorite bands.

“To forbid the glorious Wagnerian pomp of Metallica is a gross misread of the male libido— their songs are the most righteous manifestation of testosterone-fueled virtuosity and aggression. The guitar is presented with the same respect that an artist’s brush lavishes on an odalisque, and guys go nuts when they see a pretty little girl take on a song as big and brutal as ‘Enter Sandman.’ To deprive them of that spectacle is nothing short of a shame.”

The same could be said of “Strip City.” It’s far from a perfect book, but to deprive yourself of such a good read would be a shame indeed.

M A Y 2 9 2 0 0 3

The Dirty Girls Social Club

By Alisa Valdes-Rodriguez

(St. Martin’s Press, hardcover, 308 pages, $24.95)

First-time novelist Alisa Valdes-Rodriguez claims to have written this book in six days, which would certainly explain a lot. If you’ve seen or read “Waiting to Exhale” or caught an episode of “Sex and the City,” then the setup won’t come as any great shock: A group of women periodically get together to discuss careers and relationships.

In this case, the women are six Latina Boston University grads who decide to meet twice a year for the rest of their lives. They think they’re clever when they name themselves the Buena Sucia Social Club.

“Buena sucia is actually pretty offensive to most Spanish-speaking people, akin to ‘big smelly ho,’” explains Dirty Girl Lauren, a Boston newspaper columnist who is burdened with a gigantic chip on her shoulder. “So Buena Sucia Social Club is, how do you say, irreverent. Right?”

Other sucias are all considered “Latinas,” but are vastly different. Sara, for example, is a Cuban Jew, while Elizabeth, a television reporter, is a black Latina from Columbia whose news director tells her, at one point, that she’s so popular because she’s a “beautiful black woman who talks like a white woman but is actually Hispanic.”

Valdes-Rodriguez actually spins a pretty

engrossing tale, but gimmicks bog down the story. Each chapter focuses on a different sucia who speaks directly to the reader. It’s a little too cutesy. Take, for example, Lauren’s description of how Usnavys (pronounced ooos-NAH-vees) got her name.

“So that’s where she got the idea for the great name for her daughter – from the side of the ships.

U.S. Navy, girl. I am not joking. That’s what Usnavys is named after. You can ask her yourself.”

Also annoying is Valdes-Rodriguez’s habit of beginning most chapters with excerpts from Lauren’s columns. They are groan-inducing, eyerolling bad, which is surprising since Valdes-Rodriguez is herself a former L.A. Times columnist who, in a Jerry Maguire-style, 3,400word resignation letter, complained of columnists who wrote pieces that contained no insights or epiphanies. Lauren’s biggest epiphany seems to be that “The bridesmaid dress is one of the greatest conspiracies against single women ever invented.”

Look past the gimmicks, the preaching and the clichés, however, and the dirty girls have their charms. Just ask Jennifer Lopez, who is reportedly going to star in the movie version.

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Tourist Season (Warner Books, paperback, 378 pages, $7.50)

M A Y

By Carl Hiaasen

2 9

“On the morning of December 1, a man named Theodore Bellamy went swimming in the Atlantic Ocean off South Florida.”

With this nondescript, almost boring, opening sentence, Carl Hiaasen lulls readers into a safe place and then hacks that place apart with a machete over the remaining pages. Like poor, doomed Theodore Bellamy, those who haven’t yet discovered Hiaasen won’t know what hit them when they read his first, and possibly best, comic mystery about environmental destruction and rampant development in Miami.

The plot is, in general, fairly predictable. A terrorist group called Las Noches de Diciembre goes on a killing spree – the president of the Greater Miami Chamber of Commerce is murdered in a most imaginative way and then tourists begin to disappear. When the Miami Sun’s most popular columnist, Skip Wiley, disappears at about the same time, his editor calls in Brian Keyes, a former reporter turned private investigator.

None too happy about his assignment (Skip both stole his girlfriend and knows one of his deep, dark secrets), Brian still manages to figure out, in record time, where Skip is and who’s behind the erroneously dubbed “Nachos.” He doesn’t manage to capture them, though, and spends the rest of the novel trying to figure out and counter their next move.

Hiaasen also has problems with his characters, and only fleshes out the ones he feels are worth it. This is

especially true with his two female characters – let’s just call them Barbie (the girl next door with a heart of gold and a good head on her shoulders) and anti-Barbie (selfabsorbed, insensitive, but still willing to pilfer a nurse’s uniform — and then remove it — in a memorable hospital visit with her ex).

These are but small complaints. Hiaasen’s demented genius lies not in his plots or characters, but in his satirical and gleefully loony wit. Hiaasen tempers violent scenes with absurd details – some of which are laughout-loud funny and some, such as his description of a bomb’s aftermath, are so dry as to be barely noticeable.

“The greyhound that triggered the mine was a speedy dam named Blistered Sister who went off at 20-to-1.

Literally. One second there were eight lank dogs churning along the rail, and the next they were airborne, inside-out. It was a mess. The blast took out a sixty-foot stretch of racetrack and disrupted betting for hours.

Blistered Sister, whose brindle carcass landed closest to the finish wire, was ruled the winner and paid out $40.60 on a $2 ticket.”

Written in 1986, “Tourist Season” has an added flashback camp: the term “politically correct” had obviously not yet been invented; women went to jazz exercise classes and wore leg warmers; and bungling terrorists inspired ridicule and got what they deserved.

A melancholy, almost sweet, ending is a nice surprise to this modern, off-the-wall classic.

The Language Police: How Pressure Groups Restrict What Students Learn (Alfred A. Knopf, hardcover, 255 pages, $24)

By Diane Ravitch

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“I had always assumed that textbooks were based on careful research and designed to help children learn something valuable,” writes Diane Ravitch in the opening chapter of “The Language Police.” “I thought that tests were designed to assess whether they had learned it.”

Ravitch, who worked in the U.S. Department of Education during George H.W. Bush’s administration and was appointed to the National Assessment Governing Board by Bill Clinton, found this was not the case. Instead she found that textbook publishers and testing companies were omitting any references that could be considered offensive.

Some standardized test questions that were nixed after “bias and sensitivity review” included a passage about patchwork quilting by women on the Western frontier in the 19th century (“reviewers objected to the portrayal of women as people who stitch and sew, and who were concerned about preparing for marriage”), a biography of the man who designed Mount Rushmore (“this might offend Lakota Indians, who wish that the sculpture were not there”), and a story about a dolphin (rejected for “a regional bias in favor of those who live by the sea”).

Textbook companies are no better, Ravitch says, and recounts many passages eventually deleted. An editor’s remarks regarding a passage about Matthew Shepard, a teen killed in Wyoming solely because he was gay, is especially maddening.

“The editor wrote: ‘Even though the article focuses on tolerance and acceptance, Shepard’s homosexuality

can’t be mentioned. Can you redo the article so that Shepard’s sexuality is ignored?’”

Why is this happening? Pressure from right-wing groups, who want to turn back the clock to a time when dad worked, mom stayed home and children were seen and not heard. There’s pressure from left-wing groups as well, who see a homogenized, harmonious future where there is no dominance based on race, gender or sexual orientation.

“Both right-wingers and left-wingers demand that publishers shield children from words and ideas that contain what they deem the ‘wrong’ models for living,” Ravitch says. “Both assume that, by limiting what children read, they can change society to reflect their world view.”

Censorship of this magnitude is shocking, and Ravitch points out another consequence. Students no longer care to read at all because “appropriate” educational material has no relevance to their lives.

“They do not know and surely do not care that an entire industry of bias reviewers has insulated them from any contact in their textbooks with anything that might disturb them, like violence, death, divorce, or bad language,” she writes. “They are safe, but they are bored.”

The language police, Ravitch assures us, can be stopped through a combination of competition (and the abolition of state textbook adoption programs), sunshine (“the strongest protection for censorship is public ignorance”) and better-educated teachers who refuse to teach from books “laden with errors and politicization.”

Let’s hope it happens soon. continued on page 22

21

Puppy of the Week

Kid Lit 101 Children’s books can be subversive too, as evidenced by these worthy, albeit strange, titles.

Artemis Fowl: The Eternity Code

By Eoin Colfer (Hyperion Books, hardcover, 309 pages, $16.95) A sort of anti-Harry Potter, Artemis Fowl is a pint-size evil genius whose father, imprisoned for much of books one and two in the trilogy, comes home with a conscience.

Artemis agrees to follow the straight and narrow, but only after he unleashes the C Cube, a super computer based on fairy technology that will wreak havoc in the human world. The usual suspects are all present, and Colfer’s ambiguous ending leaves little doubt that Artemis will be back for more.

“I shall unleash a crime wave the likes of which has never been seen,” Artemis vows.

“The world will remember the name of Artemis Fowl.”

Harry Potter and the Order of the Phoenix

By J.K. Rowling (Scholastic, hardcover, 896 pages, $29.99) What more is there to say that hasn’t already been said, except that the circus begins June 21.

A Series of Unfortunate Events (9-book series)

By Lemony Snicket (HarperTrophy) “If you are interested in stories with happy endings, you would be better off reading some other book. In this book, not only is there no happy ending, there is no happy beginning and very few happy things in the middle.”

So begins “The Bad Beginning,” the first of nine unhappy books chronicling the lives of three orphans. The first book finds Violet, Klaus and baby Sunny shipped off to distant relative Count Olaf after the deaths of their parents. They obviously escape with their lives (just barely), but with titles like “The Vile Village” and “The Hostile Hospital” in the series, it doesn’t seem that things will be looking up for the youngsters anytime soon.

Attention all Clinton-philes It’s no secret that Bill and Hillary Clinton have had a polarizing effect on the nation.

There are very few people who have no opinion of the much-maligned couple – you either love ‘em or hate ‘em. Whatever side of the fence you’re on, there seems to be a recent or upcoming book just for you.

The Clinton Wars

By Sidney Blumenthal (Farrar, Straus and Giroux, hardcover, 802 pages, $30) Sidney Blumenthal is a former journalist who served as assistant and senior advisor to President Clinton between 1997-2001. During that time, Blumenthal remained loyal to both president and first lady, even when he had to testify at Clinton’s impeachment trial and withstand constant attacks on his character.

“Self-control didn’t arrive on the doorstep like the daily newspaper,” Blumenthal writes.

“I had to put on a suit of armor every morning – and keep it fastened all day long.

While the blows rained down there was little to do but weather them. Inexpressiveness became the psychological order of the day, exhaustion the constant physical condition.

Once, I found myself asleep standing up at a public event in the East Room. I came to think of this as a political version of trench warfare as in the First World War – occasional ferocious battles, a mile gained or lost, and no end in sight.”

Blumenthal’s fly-on-the-wall observations, including Hillary’s Senate victory and Al Gore’s bizarre defeat, are as interesting and well written as they are obviously biased in favor of his former boss.

Dereliction of Duty: The Eyewitness Account of How Bill Clinton Endangered America’s Long-Term National Security

By Robert Patterson (Regnery Publishing, hardcover, 256 pages, $27.95) An anti-Clinton tome to counter Blumenthal’s pro, this book is written by an Air Force lieutenant colonel who was a military aide to the president for two years and was in charge of carrying the nuclear weapons launching codes. Patterson’s personal attacks include many accusations, not the least of which is that Clinton lost the codes and didn’t seem too worried about it and how he failed to attack Osama bin Laden when the military had tracked the terrorist to a specific location.

An Unfinished Life: John F. Kennedy, 1917-1963

By Robert Dallek (Little Brown & Company, hardcover, $30) Think there’s no new ground to cover when it comes to Bill Clinton’s personal hero?

Think again. After being one of a rare few to be granted unrestricted access to Kennedy family papers, Dallek uses what he learned there and from interviews to uncover new evidence of, among other revelations, a coverup involving Kennedy’s health and a supposed tryst with an underage cheerleader.

Living History

By Hillary Rodham Clinton (Simon & Schuster, hardcover, 576 pages, $28) How much will Hillary reveal about subjects like Monica Lewinsky in the upcoming memoir of her years as first lady? Find out June 9.

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• Would you like to have a deeper relationship with Jesus Christ, in the theology and teaching of the Catholic Church?

• Do you feel empty, wounded, or restless in your spiritual life?

• Are you interested in becoming a Catholic Christian?

• Have you never been fully initiated into the Catholic faith through the Sacrament of Confirmation?

• Are you a lukewarm Catholic who would like to be refreshed in Catholic truths?

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The R.C.I.A. (Rite of Christian Initiation for Adults) is a journey of the faith that offers you a challenge for a vibrant new spirituality in your life.

The R.C.I.A. is an opportunity to experience spirituality as you may have never experienced it before by sharing in the teachings and traditions of the Catholic Church.

The R.C.I.A. is about conversion and understanding the doctrines and the theology of the Catholic Church.

The R.C.I.A. process will help you to understand Catholic liturgy and worship and the Sacraments of the Church.

It is a growing awareness of what Catholic’s believe and profess.

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The Quality of Life Report (Viking, hardcover, 309 pages, $24.95)

M A Y 2 9

By Meghan Daum

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Early in “The Quality of Life Report,” protagonist Lucinda Trout complains about the lack of reality in her existence as a lifestyle correspondent for local morning show “New York Up Early.” Her hard-hitting reports on thong underwear and takeout sushi waste her 19thcentury American literature degree, roundtable discussions with her friends on subjects like, “Is 37 the new 26?” begin to bore her, and her years growing up in a Philadelphia suburb seem unreal.

“I’d had the distinct feeling that nothing that surrounded me, not the boxy Cape Cod houses of my street, not the multiplex at the mall where my friends and I had skulked around on weekends, certainly not the chemically maintained grass of my parents’ small backyard, was ever quite the stuff of ‘real life,’” she explains. “There was a ‘neither here-northere’ quality to my existence.”

So when her senior producer assigns her a story about increasing methamphetamine use in the Midwest, Lucinda gets more than she bargained for. Her initial report turns into a year-long sabbatical in Prairie City, where she files “The Quality of Life Report,” a segment

that allows frazzled New Yorkers to see what it would really be like to get away from it all.

She meets wonderful people with horrible fashion sense, and soon becomes involved with Mason Clay (“a sort of Jeremiah Johnson meets Brad Pitt”) who has three children by three different women.

Daum’s book has, not surprisingly, a bit of a split personality. It is, at times, a satirical look at self-absorbed New Yorkers and, at others, an earnest exploration of growing up and dealing with problems a little more substantial than New York’s dating pool.

“My previous problems, which had mostly been problems of style (rumpled clothes, Chinese baby hypotheses) were rapidly converting to problems of substance. Actual problems,” Lucinda discovers.

The question ends up being whether Lucinda will stick with her real problems or flee to the fake life she once knew. Her decision won’t come as much of a shock, and the book is perhaps a little longer than it needs to be, but Daum’s characters are so believable and sympathetic that most readers won’t have any problem seeing this relationship through to the end.

My Losing Season

By Pat Conroy

(Nan A. Talese, hardcover, 402 pages, $27.95)

That Pat Conroy has a way with the English language is not in dispute. Neither is the fact that he tends to get a little carried away sometimes. In “My Losing Season,” however, Conroy reins himself in and lets the story tell itself. It’s a story of love, loss and how a game can shape someone in a profound way.

“Though it was a long process, I learned to honor myself for what I accomplished in a sport where I was overmatched and out of my league,” Conroy writes. “I never once approached greatness, but toward the end of my career, I was always in the game.”

Conroy traces the story of his senior year on The Citadel’s basketball team, beginning at the team’s first practice and their first loss against Auburn.

He then goes back to when he first fell in love with the game.

“I took my first shot ever at that basket in Orlando in my tenth year on earth and felt the course of my whole life change,” he remembers. “I felt a bolt of pure wonder and joy – I had found a place I could take my terrified childhood to hide.”

He continues the personal history, complete with intrusions from the monster he called a father, and then brings readers back to his team’s ill-fated

season. In between the blow-by-blow accounts of the games, readers get to know Conroy’s teammates, coaches, and writing mentors.

Through it all, Conroy’s sadness is palpable.

Seniors are supposed to go out in a blaze of glory, but for the 1966-67 Citadel Bulldogs, it was not meant to be. Conroy’s reaction to his team’s defeat in the first round of the Southern Conference tournament, like much of the rest of the book, is a lesson in good writing.

“The first sob caught me by surprise and the second one was so loud that it didn’t seem to come from me at all,” he remembers. “I wept as I had never wept before in public. I wept out of sheer heartbreak, unable to control myself. I was lost in the overwhelming grief I felt at losing my game, losing basketball as a way to make my way and define myself in a world that was hostile and implacable. How do you say goodbye to a game you love more than anything else? What was I to do with a sunrise when I didn’t get up thinking about going to a gym to work on my jump shot?

What does a boy do when they take his game away?”

In Conroy’s case, we all know the answer to that question.

{ SUMMER

READING

23

}

M E T R O

Naked

S P I R I T

By David Sedaris

(Little, Brown & Company, paperback, 291 pages, $14.95)

The title essay in “Naked” doesn’t appear until the very end but it’s well worth waiting for. Upon receiving information he had ordered from a nudist colony, Sedaris looks over the calendar of events, which includes, among other things, a chili cook-off and horseback riding.

“Test eye shadow on all the rabbits you want. Strap electrodes to the skulls of rhesus monkeys and shock them into a stupor, but it is inhumane to place a nudist on horseback the day after a chili cook-off,” Sedaris observes.

In “Chipped Beef,” the opening essay, readers interrupt Sedaris, as a child, in the middle of a frequent daydream – that he’s a wealthy, perfectly normal child in a Kennedy-like clan rather than the son of a crazy Greek-American couple with siblings too numerous to count. When his daydream never materializes, Sedaris tries to make it happen.

“While my mother grocery-shopped, I would often loiter near the front of the store,” he remembers. “It was my hope that some wealthy couple would stuff me into the trunk of their car.”

Sedaris’s stories illustrate his struggles with homosexuality, his volunteer work at a local mental institution, and, in one supremely disturbing story, his discovery of a poorly-typed book of pornography. He reads it (as do his younger siblings), and then becomes convinced that

M A Y

his parents are trying to seduce him. “I just want to be friends,” he tells his mother at one point. Her response is priceless.

Of all the family members mentioned in “Naked,” Sedaris’s mom stands out most. She is perfectly dressed and coifed at all times, with a cigarette in one hand and a drink in the other. She has an acid-tongue when dealing with her family, but is generous to a fault when opening her home to a succession of teachers and, in one instance, a prostitute.

The most poignant of Sedaris’s stories is, therefore, “Ashes,” in which his sister Lisa gets married at about the same time his mother announces that she has inoperable lung cancer. Even in such dismal circumstances, Sedaris can’t shake his snide humor, especially when describing his family’s lack of sentimentality.

“In terms of emotional comfort,” he explains, “it was our belief that no amount of physical contact could match the healing powers of a well-made cocktail.”

Her mortality clearly affects him, though, and the fact that he and his siblings spent the evening of his sister’s wedding in a cemetery rather than with their dying mother still troubles him.

“I myself tend to dwell on the stupidity of pacing a cemetery while she sat, frightened and alone, staring at the tip of her cigarette and envisioning herself, clearly now, in ashes.”

2 9 2 0 0 3

The World’s Most Dangerous Places, 4th Edition

By Robert Young Pelton

(HarperResource, paperback, 1022 pages, $21.95)

Who needs a typical travel guide when there’s real adventure to be had within the pages of “The World’s Most Dangerous Places”? You know you’re in for a treat when grinning skulls wearing hats and sunglasses grace the cover, spine and many of the pages of the book.

Typical travel guide information, like what to pack, occupies only nine pages in the very back of this book. Instead, Pelton sets about on a mission to keep adventure travelers safe however dangerous their destination may be. Want to visit beautiful Liberia?

No problem. Just watch out for President Charles Taylor and his National Patriotic Front of Liberia.

His soldiers, according to Pelton, make it a little hard to get around.

“When traveling by road in Liberia, extreme caution is urged even when roads are open,” he explains. “Motorists are frequently hassled at checkpoints manned by stoned, hungry, unpaid and impoverished soldiers.”

After explaining how dangerous it is just to sit in your La-Z-Boy and watch television, Pelton gives general tips on surviving everything from bus rides to war zones to “being a Yankee pig.”

“So understand that, along with your Eagle Creek

backpack and ACG Nikes, you carry a different kind of baggage – about 200 years of imperialism, covert action, warfare, occupation and political interference.”

Pelton is nothing if not thorough in his examination of 38 countries, rating each on a scale from one to five stars. One star (Bad-Rep Lands) means there’s no serious threat but there have been isolated incidences. A rating of five stars (Apocalypse Now) is given to “a place where the longer you stay, the shorter your existence on this planet will be.”

What is particularly interesting is that the United States is on the hit list. Why? Drive-by shootings, abortion clinic bombings, cross burnings – sure, we turn our rage against each other most of the time, but tourists can, and have, gotten in the way.

Each section is packed with useful information, and Pelton periodically recounts some of his own misadventures in sections called “In a Dangerous Place.” A fifth edition of this book is likely on the way, seeing as the section on Iraq alone needs major revisions now.

Even if you have no intention of visiting any place more dangerous than Disney, pick up this guide for Pelton’s writing alone (think Hunter S. Thompson minus the acid) and become an adventurer even if only in your own mind.

continued on page 24

24 M E T R O S P I R I T

{ S U M M E R

The Bobby Gold Stories (Bloomsbury, hardcover, 165 pages, $19.95)

By Anthony Bourdain

2 0 0 3

}

continued from page 23

M A Y 2 9

R E A D I N G

Readers first meet Bobby Gold (formerly Goldstein) as a scrawny, 21-year-old being hauled off to prison after police pull him over in a rental car filled with five kilos of coke. Bourdain’s prose is spare and world-weary (much like the author), but doesn’t miss a trick.

“He had been happily listening to ‘Monkey Man’ by the Stones, singing along, in fact, volume all the way up when he’d seen the lights in his rearview mirror, and in the excitement and confusion of the moment, had neglected to turn the radio off.

Now Styx was playing on the radio, always and forever the soundtrack to any future memories of this ugly event.”

We meet Bobby again 10 years later when he emerges from prison. No longer scrawny, Bobby goes right back to work for the low-level mobster who sent him on the cocaine run. This time, however, Bobby’s an enforcer (who brings his victims Demerol to numb the pain of their beatings) and the head of security at the NiteKlub, a supper club and bar.

As usual, Bordain, a chef whose recent memoir, “Kitchen Confidential,” is as riveting as any work of fiction, finds a way to work food into the mix.

Whether Bobby is eating out with his boss (who

loves to torture waiters with his peculiar ordering habits), falling in love with the lone female chef on the NiteKlub’s staff or sneaking off to enjoy his favorite meal (“Bone marrow was a secret pleasure – something Bobby usually indulged in alone”), food is as important to the characters as it is to Bourdain.

Those easily offended by coarse language, graphic sex and violence should probably pass this one up, but those who dare will probably be won over by Bourdain’s sarcastic charm (the same charm that wins his Food Network show so many viewers). Take, for example, Bobby’s description of an old prison buddy he meets by chance during an errand for his boss.

“They’d become buddies, playing chess in the day room, exercising together in the yard, talking about history – particularly military history – the fact that LT was essentially a Nazi, and Bobby a Jew, adding a certain playful nature to their relationship.”

“The Bobby Gold Stories” is a good summer read for some – it can be finished and forgotten in a single afternoon. Others, however, may be frustrated at its brevity – readers barely get a chance to know the characters before the story ends.

The Metropolitan Spirit expresses its gratitude to Borders Books and Music and Barnes & Noble, both of which provided for review the above titles.

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25

Dining Out

M E T R O

Bistro 491 Is Just Right for Lunch

S P I R I T M A Y 2 9 2 0 0 3

Y

ou know how it is when you’re looking for a spot to park it and have a good lunch, especially if you don’t have a lot of money or time to spend, and you want something good to fill you up. The search for a good lunch spot can make you feel a little bit like Goldilocks – one place is too slow; one place is too expensive; yet another place has a boring menu.

That’s where it comes in handy to know about Bistro 491. Because this place is just right.

“Well, I tell you – it’s just good food,” says owner Todd Schafer. “It’s very casual. It’s a good lunch. There’s a good hamburger. Succulent, hot sandwiches, and great chicken and tuna salads. It’s inexpensive. Nothing’s more than 11 or 12 dollars.”

One reason that Bistro 491 is “just right,” is that it satisfies both the upscale taste and the hearty appetite. Starving? How about a grilled Black Angus tenderloin sandwich with red onion jam, buttermilk bleu cheese, pommes frites and horseradish crème fraiche? It will fill you up.

Or what about a Corned Beef Reuben with creamy sauerkraut, cheese and homemade Yukon Gold potato chips?

There are burgers, Honey Cured Ham sandwiches, all kinds of seafood and pork dishes – and all for a very reasonable price.

And there’s no way you’re going to get bored with the dinner either. That’s because the chef offers a new menu with each season, and the new late spring/ summer menu is mere days away from coming to fruition.

But no matter what time of the day you roll into Bistro 491, you’re going to get good, quality food.

“Everything’s prepared from scratch,” Todd said.

Todd is the kind of restaurateur who takes the idea of “hands-on” literally.

He’s the head chef as well as the guy

who writes the checks. And to make matters better, he’s the guy who inspects every single ingredient that comes into his restaurant. And he has been known to send back items that didn’t meet with his approval.

He wants you, his customer, to have the very best. That’s why he’s in the restaurant at 9:00 in the morning rendering sauces and making dishes with his own hands. That way, he knows it’s done right. And he also has a staff of wellknown Augusta chefs. There is a whole team of experts at work to feed you.

Unsure about what you want to eat or drink? Just ask the wait staff. While that seems like a foreign concept in some restaurants, at Bistro 491, the waiters and waitresses actually know the wines and dishes.

They can tell you all about the Berringer Pinot Noir, which comes to you at $6 a glass, or maybe the comparable Crystal Valley Cabernet. Or what about the California-grown Au Bon Climat Pinot at $35 a bottle? (You wouldn’t want to stop at just one glass.)

If you’d like to have something a little more special, how about the Freemark Abbey Cabernet at $125 a bottle?

See? No matter what your taste or your budget, you can find something that will appeal.

Bistro 491 lacks nothing where atmosphere is concerned. The bar is a beautiful half-circle mosaic, with tiles of every color in the rainbow. It’s a nice place to hang out, as well as a good place to satisfy your appetite.

So come on down to Bistro 491 in Surrey Center for lunch or for dinner. Or, heck, why not both? There’s certainly enough there to keep you happy.

Lunch hours are Monday through Friday from 11:30 a.m. to 2:30 p.m.

Dinner is served Monday through Thursday from 5-10 p.m. Happy Hour is from 5-7 p.m.

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26 M E T R O S P I R I T M A Y 2 9 2 0 0 3

Arts

& Entertainment

Local Lilies Get a Day in the Sun A Not-So-Secret Garden “To give you an idea how much I love these things, I’ll take you on a little trip,” John Kirkland said on a day when soft light from an overcast sky fell on his garden, which is called Archway Gardens.

The rain-damp ground sank beneath our footsteps as he led me through a white gate beneath the archway.

It led to the garden of his neighbor, Dr. Greg Hollis, who had admired Kirkland’s flowers so much that he’d asked Kirkland to build him a daylily garden. The arch felt like a tunnel through the thick hedge of trees separating the properties, and led first to a babbling brook lined with stones, then to Hollis’ hydrangeas, and a crowd of lilies.

Prior to that, Kirkland had strolled around his own garden, which completely surrounds his house, and is filled with whimsical things like tortoise-shaped flagstones, a dragonfly lantern, and Ms. Terrapotsi, a doll made of terra cotta pots that his kids got him for Christmas one year. She sits with arms outstretched. Each year, Kirkland said, she gets a new hat.

Kirkland – and his wife Brenda’s – garden is only one of the 13 on display for this year’s open gardens event, which accompanies the annual hemerocallis show at the Augusta Mall. (See below for a list of open gardens.)

Each year, the Daylily Society of Greater Augusta, whose members belong also to The American Hemerocallis Society, holds a flower show which is open to the public. By that time, June 7 and 8, Kirkland said, he will have plenty of blooms.

He has plants from all over, and mentioned the difference between Florida and New England plants. “Usually the plants out of Florida bloom earlier,” he said.

“We’re right on the border of where you can grow Florida plants and New England plants.”

The New England lilies, he said, actually need some cold weather each year so they can achieve a state of dormancy, only to come back to life the following year.

They range in size, he said, from the minis, with blooms less than 3 inches across; smalls, with blooms ranging from 3-4 1/2 inches across; and large, with

BY RHONDA JONES

blooms, you could potentially have a plant that flowers for an entire month.

You can start preparing for your own daylily garden, or simply appreciate loads of stunning blooms, by attending the annual hemerocallis show at the Augusta Mall on June 7. It’s open to the public from 1-8 p.m. If you want more, you may take a tour of local daylily gardens the next day, June 8, during the hours of 9 a.m. to 5 p.m. These events are free of charge. If you need more info, contact the show chair, Reba Kardos, at 736-0921 or the president, which is John Kirkland himself, at 863-2261. For directions to the individual gardens, see the addresses and telephone numbers below.

Daylily show and tours take place June 7-8. blooms larger than 4 1/2 inches.

“My wife loves those things,” he said of the mini and small size flowers, which they keep in a bed to themselves. But they also have more exotic ones like the spiders, which have long, slender petals of varying sizes.

“This may not be a true spider,” he said, handling one of his blooms. “It may be a spider variant.”

Later, he pointed out a plant with fanning leaves, which didn’t happen to have a bloom at that particular moment. It was a new variety, and had cost him $150, he

said. We asked him what a potential lily grower should do if they weren’t prepared to spend quite that much money.

“Visit some of the gardens around town, like myself,” he said. “And just start by buying the $5 daylilies.”

Those would be the older varieties, he added. The daylily habit starts getting expensive when you go after the new varieties, he said, which run around $75 to $150 per plant.

And yes, he said, as the name suggests, the daylily bloom lasts for only one day.

But, as some plants have as many as 30

List of Open Gardens Morning only, 9 a.m.-noon: Jane Waldrop, 618 Clinton Way West off Columbia Road and Merrymont Dr., 8602292; Reba Kardos, Fox Springs Road off Walton Way and Bransford Road, 736-0921; Ellie and Andy Anderson, 316 Summer Place off Flowing Wells Road and Day Road, 863-2196.

All day, 9 a.m. – 5 p.m.: Ann Blalock, 135 Ballard Drive in Harlem, Ga., off Harlem-Grovetown Road and East Trippe Street, 556-6656; Archway Gardens, 178 Springlakes Court off Columbia Road and Springlakes Drive, 863-2261.

Afternoon only, 1-5 p.m.: Jeanne Payne, 303 Kennelworth Place off Boyscout Road and Sussex Road, 736-1506; Helen Marie Kirby, 411 Scott’s Way off Wheeler Road and Regent Road, 7310898; Margot Hubbard, 1115 Rivershyre Drive in Evans, Ga., off Hardy McMannis Road, 650-2493; Betsy Ristroph, 754 Oxford Road off Wheeler Road, Aumond Road and Vassar Drive, 738-4684; Arleigh Mansfield, 212 Thread Needle Road, East, off Pleasant Home Road and Crane Ferry Road, 8635731; Shaw’s Sunshine Gardens, 3096 Lumpkin Park Drive off Deans Bridge Road and Lumpkin Road, 790-9428; Harry Adams, 912 West Avenue in North Augusta, S.C., off I-20 and Martintown Road, 442-5867; Bob and Dot Cunningham, 3713 Old Waynesboro Road off Bobby Jones and Mike Padgett Highway, 772-9734.

27 M E T R O S P I R I T M A Y 2 9 2 0 0 3

June Edition

Available Now

28 M E T R O S P I R I T M A Y 2 9 2 0 0 3

8

DaysA Week

Arts

Auditions AUDITIONS FOR “NEVER AGAIN,” a One Dollar Enterprise production, to be held June 6, 6 p.m.

Par ticipants are encouraged to obtain a copy of the script before the audtion. For more information, visit www.onedollaratime.com or contact Mr. Jones, 7900250 or (404) 483-1831.

THE ARTISTS’ CONSERVATORY is looking for actors to per form in fall productions of “As You Like It” and “A Doll’s House.” Send a resume of previous theatrical experience to augconser vator y@yahoogroups.com by June 1.

COLOSSAL FILM CR AWL CALL FOR ENTRIES to participate in Columbia’s annual multi-venue film and video festival. Shor t films from ar tists in the Southeast will be accepted through June 27. All genres and subject mat ter welcome. Films must be 30 minutes or less. For complete details on how to submit a film, contact Amanda Presley at (803) 765-0707, ex t. 122.

AUGUSTA CONCERT BAND rehearses Monday evenings and is looking to fill vacancies on most band instruments. Interested par ties should contact Ben Easter, (803) 202-0091 or e-mail bandforaugusta@aol.com.

SWEET ADELINES PEACH STATE CHORUS OPEN REHEARSAL open rehearsal for singers each Thursday at 7 p.m. at Church of Christ, 600 Mar tintown Rd. in Nor th Augusta. They are on the lookout for voices in the lower ranges. Contact Mary Norman at (803) 279-6499.

Education

as well as classes in dance, theater, music, visual ar ts and writing. Call 731-0008 for details.

USC-AIKEN MUSIC CONSERVATORY PROGR AM now open. Students of all ages and experience levels welcome. Private lessons available for musical instruments and voice; instructors are USC-Aiken faculty and have at least a master’s degree in their per formance area.

(803) 641-3288.

Exhibitions “WATER REFLECTIONS,” photography by John Krok, is on display at Borders Books and Music during June.

Call 737-6962 for details.

“ARTVENTURE 2003: SELF-PORTR AITS” exhibition of works by students in the Ger trude Herber t Institue of Ar t’s outreach program June 10-July 25. 722-5495.

“PORTR AITURE IN THE SECOND AND THIRD DIMENSIONS” will be on display at the Ger trude Herber t Institute of Ar t June 10-July 25. Call 722-5495 for info.

PHOTOGRAPHY BY MARY TIMM STAPF will be on display throughout June at the Gibbs Library. 863-1946.

THE WALTER O. EVANS COLLECTION OF AFRICANAMERICAN ART on view at the Morris Museum of Ar t through Aug. 10. Call 724-7501 for details.

“DIFFERENT STROKES” EXHIBITION features works

by Kevin Cole and Marjorie Guyon and will be on display at the Mary Pauline Gallery through June 21. Call 724-9542 for details.

PAINTINGS BY LAUREN KERBELIS will be on display at the Gibbs Library throughout May. 863-1946.

ART BY KRISTY POWELL will be on exhibit at the Euchee Creek Library during the month of May. 556-0594.

“CAPTURE THE IMAGE” photography workshop for teens, ages 13-16, at the Ger trude Herber t Institue of Ar t. Held June 9-12 and 16-19. Call 722-5495 for information.

EXHIBITION BY PAUL GOODNIGHT through June 7 at the Lucy Craf t Laney Museum of Black History. For more information, call 724-3576.

THE WHITE-LINE WOODCUT AND MULTICOLORED PRINTS workshop for adults and teens June 9-13 at the Ger trude Herber t Institute of Ar t. Call 722-5495 for registration information.

“EYE OF THE STORM: THE CIVIL WAR DR AWINGS OF ROBERT SNEDEN” will be on display at the Augusta Museum of History through July 13. For more information, call 722-8454.

ART CLASSES AND WORKSHOPS are offered yearround at the Ger trude Herber t Institute of Ar t. Summer quar ter begins June 2; tuition assistance is available and June 6 is the deadline to apply. Classes and workshops are open to toddlers through adults and feature instruction in drawing, painting, photography, pot tery, weaving and sculpture. For a newslet ter or detailed information on registering for classes at the Ger trude Herber t, call 722-5495. The Ger trude Herber t Institute of Ar t also offers Educational Tours; for information, contact the Education Director at the above telephone number.

ART CLASSES FOR CHILDREN AND ADULTS at the Ar t Factory. The Ar t Factory also has a homeschool program and scholarships are available. Available programs include voice lesson and pantomime workshops,

ART BY STUDENTS OF M. HAUSER, instructor at Aquinas High School, will be on display at the Friedman Branch Library throughout May. 736-6758.

THE WORK OF TOM NAK ASHIMA is on display at the Ger trude Herber t Institute of Ar t through June 20.

722-5495.

PAINTINGS BY JANE NODINE will be on display at USC-Aiken’s Lower Gallery through May 30. (803) 641-3305.

Dance THE AUGUSTA INTERNATIONAL FOLK DANCE CLUB meets Thursday evenings at 7:30 p.m. No par tners are needed and newcomers are welcome. Line and

The Atlanta Film Festival takes place June 6-14 at various venues throughout Atlanta. circle dances are taught. For location information, call 737-6299.

Methodist Church. Free admission. For more information, contact Nancy Kritz, 279-7809.

THE DANCES OF UNIVERSAL PEACE held the first Saturday of every month, 7-9 p.m., at the Unitarian Church of Augusta, honors the religious traditions of the world through song and movement. Call (803) 6430460 for more information.

JUNE JAZZ CANDLELIGHT CONCERT SERIES June 1, 8, 15, 22 and 29, 8-9:30 p.m. at Riverwalk’s Eighth Street Bulkhead. Admission is $5. Bring a blanket or lawn chair and a picnic basket. For information, call Riverwalk Special Events at 821-1754.

SECOND SATURDAY DANCE at the Ballroom Dance Center, 225 Grand Slam Drive in Evans, held the second Saturday of every month, 7:30-11 p.m. Dress is casual. Tickets are $10 per person. 854-8888.

DOWNTOWN LUNCH DATE May 29, June 5, 12, 19 and 26, noon-2:30 p.m., at Augusta Common. Bring a lunch or eat lunch catered by the featured restaurant while listening to live music. 821-1754.

AUGUSTA CHAPTER OF THE UNITED STATES AMATEUR BALLROOM DANCERS ASSOCIATION holds a dance the first Saturday of each month, from 7:15 to 11 p.m. Cost is $7 for members and $10 for non-members. Held at the BPOE Facility on Elkdom Cour t. Contact Melvis Lovet t, 733-3890, or Jean Avery, 863-4186, for information.

ASHANTI AND MR. CHEEKS per form at For t Gordon’s Bar ton Field June 27. Advance tickets on sale May 31; call 793-8552 or visit www.for tgordon.com.

CSR A/AUGUSTA BOGEY-WOOGIE DANCE AND SOCIAL GROUP meets ever y Wednesday at 6:45 p.m. at A World of Dance Studio. Couples, singles and newcomers are welcome. The group also of fers beginner shag lessons all summer. For information, phone 650-2396.

SINGLES DANCE each Saturday night from 8-11 p.m. sponsored by the Christian Social Organization for Single Adults. Held at Westside High School. Tickets $5 for members, $7 for non-members, and are available at the door. For more information, contact Doris Heath, 736-3376.

Music “LIFT EVERY VOICE AND SING” AFRICAN-AMERICAN MUSIC SERIES continues at the Morris Museum of Ar t June 8, 2 p.m., with a per formance by the Warren County Community Choir. Free. 724-7501.

A SPRING CONCERT WITH THE AUGUSTA CHAMBER SINGERS June 5, 7:30 p.m., at St. John United

HOPELANDS SUMMER CONCERT SERIES continues June 2 with a performance by the Augusta Clogging Company. All concer ts begin at 7 p.m. on the Windham Performing Ar ts Stage at Hopeland Gardens in Aiken. In the event of rain, concer ts will be held in Gym 2 at the H.O. Weeks Center. Free admission. Call (803) 642-7631 for information.

MUSIC IN THE PARK at Creighton Living History Park in Nor th Augusta at 7 p.m. May 29, June 12 and 26 and July 10; Candlelight concer t 8 p.m. July 24.

Flashback per forms May 29. (803) 442-7588.

COMMUNITY HEALING MEDITATION DRUMMING CIRCLE hosted ever y third Monday of the month by IDRUM2U, the Not Gaddy Drumming Studio. Held 7-9 p.m. at the G.L. Jackson Conference Center, 1714 Nor th Leg Cour t. Fee is $5 or a donation of canned goods for the Golden Har vest Food Bank. All are welcome and drums will be available to rent. For info, phone the Not Gaddy Drumming Studio, 228-3200.

Theater “JOSEPH AND THE AMAZING TECHNICOLOR DREAMCOAT” will be presented by Augusta Players Youth

29

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M E T R O S P I R I T M A Y 2 9 2 0 0 3

Come see our full line of brand new 2003 (and some 2004â&#x20AC;&#x2122;s) VW & Audis!

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June 6, 7 p.m.; June 7, 5 p.m.; and June 8, 3 30 Theatre p.m. at the Academy of Richmond County High School

DAIRY FESTIVAL at the John de la Howe School barn in McCormick, S.C., June 7. Live enter tainment, dairy exhibitions, ar ts and craf ts, children’s area and more will be featured from 10 a.m.-4 p.m. Free admission.

For details, contact Tammy Hill, (864) 391-2131.

Auditorium. General admission tickets available at the

M E door for $12 adult, $8 student and $6 child (12 and T under). For information, call 826-4707.

R O “SMOKE ON THE MOUNTAIN” at the Abbeville Opera S P I R I T

HOMELESS RESOURCE FAIR June 6 at the Boat House, 101 Riverfront Drive. Workshop sessions will be presented on topics of interest to homeless service providers, homeless and at-risk clients from 9 a.m.-2 p.m. Free. For more information, contact Tonya Jackson, 723-0040.

House 8 p.m. June 6-7, 13-14, 20-21 and 27-28. 3 p.m. matinee per formances June 7, 14, 21 and 28.

Ticket prices are $15 adult, $14 youth (ages 4-12), senior adult (age 65 and up) and groups (of 10 or more). Call the box of fice, open Monday through Friday, 1-5 p.m., at (864) 459-2157.

FIRST FRIDAY AT AUGUSTA GOLF AND GARDENS 9 a.m.-9 p.m. June 6, with two-for-one admission and special events. Call 724-4443 for details.

M “GREASE” comes to the Bell Auditorium June 5, 7:30 A p.m. Tickets are $24.50 for the floor and first balcony, Y

$32 for the second balcony and $22 for the third bal-

FIRST FRIDAY GREAT DANE PAR ADE June 6, 7 p.m.

All big dogs and big dogs at hear t welcome. Meet at 7 p.m. in front of Metro Cofeehouse. For more information, e-mail tohntohn@knology.net or call 294-3724.

2 cony; groups of 15 or more get a $4 discount per tick9 et. Call 828-7700 or visit www.ticketmaster.com.

2 JOKER’S WILD COMEDY TOUR comes to the Augusta0 Richmond County Civic Center May 30, 8 p.m. Tickets 0 are $35.50 in advance or $38.50 the day of the show.

3

JUNE FILM SERIES Tuesdays, 6:30 p.m. at Headquar ters Library: June 3 showing of “The Killing,” June 10 showing of “King of Hear ts,” June 17 showing of “About Schmidt,” June 24 showing of “Drugstore Cowboy.” Free admission. 821-2600.

Call 722-3521.

“INTO THE WOODS” May 30-31, June 1 and 6-7 at the Washington Center for the Per forming Ar ts in Aiken. Friday and Saturday per formances are at 8 p.m.; Sunday matinees are at 3 p.m. For information and reservations, contact the Aiken Community Playhouse at (803) 648-1438.

Attractions AUGUSTA CANAL INTERPRETIVE CENTER: Housed in Enterprise Mill, the center contains displays and models focusing on the Augusta Canal’s functions and importance to the tex tile industry. Hours are Mon.-Sat., 10 a.m.-6 p.m. and Sun., 1-6 p.m. Admission is $5 adult, $4 seniors and military and $3 children ages 6-18.

Children under 6 admit ted free. For information, visit www.augustacanal.com or call 823-0440.

THE BOYHOOD HOME OF WOODROW WILSON: Circa 1859 Presby terian manse occupied by the family of President Woodrow Wilson as a child during the Civil War and Reconstruction. Original and period antiques, restored house, kitchen and carriage house. 419 Seventh Street. Open 10 a.m.-5 p.m., Tues.-Sat. Tours available; groups of 10 or more by appointment only.

Admission is $5 adults, $4 seniors, $3 students under 18 and free for ages five and under. 722-9828.

AUGUSTA GOLF & GARDENS OF THE GEORGIA GOLF HALL OF FAME features beautiful display gardens, as well as bronze sculptures of some of golf’s greatest masters. Available for rent for a variety of functions.

Group discount rates available. Closed Mondays; open from 9 a.m. to 5 p.m. Tues.-Sat.; open from 1 to 5 p.m. on Sunday. New spring and summer hours begin March 21: open Tues.-Sat. 9 a.m.-9 p.m. and Sundays 11 a.m.-7 p.m. Admission is $5.50 for adults; $4.50 for students, seniors and military; $3.50 for children (4 to 12); free for children 3 and under. Sundays are two for one with a Super Sunday coupon. Annual garden memberships are available. Call 724-4443 or 1-888874-4443. Also, visit their Web site at www.gghf.org.

NATIONAL SCIENCE CENTER’S FORT DISCOVERY: Children and adults alike can immerse themselves in the wonders of science through live demonstrations, vir tual realities, Starlab, KidScape and more than 250 hands-on exhibits. General Admission: $8 for adults; $6 for children, seniors and active military. Group rates available.

Operating hours: Mon.-Sat., 10 a.m.-5 p.m.; Sunday, noon-5 p.m. Call 821-0200, 1-800-325-5445 or visit their Web site at www.NationalScienceCenter.org.

REDCLIFFE STATE HISTORIC SITE: 1859 mansion of S.C. Governor James Henry Hammond, held by the family for three generations until 1975. Hours are 9 a.m.-6 p.m., Thursday-Monday on the grounds. House tours are noon-3 p.m. by appointment. Closed Tuesday and Wednesday. Admission to the grounds is free. Fee for house tours is $3 for adults and children ages 6 to 17. For more information, call (803) 827-1473. 181 Redclif fe Road, Beech Island.

SACRED HEART CULTUR AL CENTER is of fering tours of its 100-year-old building. Mon.-Fri., 9 a.m.-5 p.m. $1 per person, children free. 826-4700.

HISTORIC COTTON EXCHANGE WELCOME CENTER: Open Mon.-Sat., 10 a.m.-6 p.m.; Sun. 1-5 p.m.

Riverwalk. Free. 724-4067.

THE EZEKIEL HARRIS HOUSE: Deemed “the finest 18th century house surviving in Georgia” by the “Smithsonian Guide to Historic America.” Open Saturday, 10 a.m.-1 p.m. General admission is $2; senior admission is $1 and children get in for 50 cents.

For more information, call 724-0436.

Here’s just a sample of John Krok’s previous photographic work. His new exhibit, “Water Reflections,” will be on display at Borders Books and Music during the month of June.

Museums WALTER O. EVANS COLLECTION OF AFRICAN-AMERICAN ART EXHIBIT TOUR June 8, 22 and 29, 3:30 p.m., at the Morris Museum of Ar t. Call 724-7501.

ARTIFACT IDENTIFICATION DAY at the Augusta Museum of History June 7, 10 a.m.-5 p.m. Admission is free. Phone 722-8454 for details.

FIRST FRIDAY AT THE MORRIS MUSEUM OF ART June 6 features “Swingin’ at the Cot ton Club” theme.

Power Dance Company teaches the Charleston, classic jazz, 6:30 p.m. gallery spotlight tour and 5:30-7:30 p.m. ar t-making workshop. Free admission. 6 p.m. lecture on the songwriters of the Harlem Renaissance is $3 for adults and $2 for seniors, students and military personnel. 724-7501.

“ARTR AGEOUS SUNDAY: THE ART OF COLLAGE” June 1, 2 p.m., at the Morris Museum of Ar t. Create your own collage, using the work of Romare Bearden as inspiration. Free. Call 724-7501 for details.

BROWN BAG HISTORY SERIES June 4, noon, at the Augusta Musuem of History. This month’s program is on “Louisville: Georgia’s First Permanent Capital.” Free to members and $2 for non-members. Bring a lunch and the museum provides a beverage and desser t. Call 722-8454 by June 3 to reserve a spot.

“END OF A DREAM: THE FLIGHT AND CAPTURE OF JEFFERSON DAVIS” plays continuously in the History Theater at the Augusta Museum of History during the month of June. Free with admission. Call 722-8454 for information.

“RETURN OF THE DINOSAURS” exhibit at For t Discovery through Sept. 21. A group of animatronic dinosaurs will be on display in the Knox Gallery.

Admission to the exhibit is free with paid general admission to For t Discovery. For information, call 8210200 or 1-800-325-5445.

“ONE MAN, TWO SHIPS: LESSONS IN HISTORY AND COUR AGE” is a new pemanent exhibition at the Augusta Museum of History. Now open, the exhibit showcases the USS Augusta and Lieutenant Colonel Jimmie Dyess. “Twice a Hero: The Jimmie Dyess Story” plays continuously through May 31 in the museum’s History Theatre and is free with admission.

Call the museum at 722-8454 for more information.

THE GERTRUDE HERBERT INSTITUTE OF ART in Ware’s Folly exhibits works by local and regional ar tists.

Ar t classes, workshops and other educational programming for children, youth and adults are held in the Walker-Mackenzie Studio. Ware’s Folly galleries open Tuesday, Wednesday and Friday, 10 a.m.-5 p.m.; Thursday, 10 a.m.-7 p.m.; and Saturday by appointment only. The Walker-Mackenzie Studio gallery is open Tuesday-Friday, 10 a.m.-5 p.m. Admission is free, but a donation of $2 for adults and $1 for children and seniors is encouraged. Call 722-5495 for more info.

THE AUGUSTA MUSEUM OF HISTORY hosts permanent exhibition “Augusta’s Story,” an award-winning

exhibit encompassing 12,000 years of local history.

For the younger crowd, there’s the Susan L. Still Children’s Discovery Gallery, where kids can learn about history in a hands-on environment. The museum also shows films in the History Theatre and hosts a variety of programs. Located at 560 Reynolds Street.

Open Tuesday-Saturday, 10 a.m.-5 p.m. and Sunday 15 p.m. Admission is $4 adult, $3 seniors, $2 kids (618 years of age) and free for children under 6. Free admission on Sundays. Call 722-8454 or visit www.augustamuseum.org for more information.

THE MORRIS MUSEUM OF ART hosts exhibitions and special events year-round. Open Tuesday-Saturday, 10 a.m.-5 p.m. and Sundays, noon-5 p.m. Closed on Mondays and major holidays. 1 Tenth Street, Augusta.

Call 724-7501 or visit www.themorris.org for details.

THE MUSEUM OF LAUREL AND HARDY OF HARLEM, GEORGIA features displays of various Laurel and Hardy memorabilia; films also shown. Located at 250 N. Louisville Street in downtown Harlem. Open 1-4 p.m.

Thursday-Monday. For more information, call 556-3448.

LUNCH AT NOON LECTURE SERIES held the second Wednesday of every month at the Lucy Craf t Laney Museum of Black History, 11:30 a.m.-12:30 p.m. Call the museum at 724-3576 for more information.

Special Events BOOK SIGNING June 3, 6-8 p.m., at Borders Books and Music. John Mulkey will sign copies of “Metamorphosis.” 737-6962.

BOOK SIGNING AND C-SPAN “BOOK TV” TAPING June 7, 2 p.m., at Borders Books and Music. Phil Kent will give a 30 minute talk and autograph copies of his bestseller, “The Dark Side of Liberalism: Unchaining the Truth.” The program is open to the public and will be taped for a segment on C-Span’s “Book TV” program.

Call 738-0354 for information.

ANNUAL HEMEROCALLIS SHOW June 7, 1-8 p.m.

Admission is free. For more information, contact the Daylily Society of Greater Augusta, 863-2261.

RED CROSS LUNCHEON to honor the Augusta Media June 4, 1 p.m. at the Red Cross Of fice. For more information, call Jana Hill, 724-8483.

SWAMP SATURDAY at Phinizy Swamp Nature Park June 7, 9:30 a.m. One-and-a-half hour tour through the park; dress appropriately for the weather and for walking, and bring insect repellent, sunscreen, water, cameras and binoculars. Free; donations are accepted.

828-2109.

FAMILY Y OPEN HOUSE LUAU May 31, at all branch locations. Open to the public. Free swimming, food and “try it” fitness classes, as well as family activities.

Held 7 a.m.-6 p.m. at Wilson Branch, 8 a.m.-5 p.m. at Wheeler Branch, 1-4 p.m. at Southside Branch and 8 a.m.-5 p.m. at Marshall Branch. For information, call 733-1030, 738-6678, 738-6680 or 364-3269.

SCHOLARSHIPS FOR THE GR ADUATING CLASS OF 2003 are of fered by the Sergeants Major Association of For t Gordon to legal dependents of active, reserve, retired or deceased military personnel living in the CSRA. Application deadline is June 24. For information, contact, Sergeant Major Alfred Simmons, 791-7985.

FORT GORDON MAY RETIREMENT REVIEW May 29, 9:30 a.m., in Alexander Hall on Chamberlain Avenue.

Open to the public. For information, call the For t Gordon Public Af fairs Of fice at 791-6001.

PORTER FLEMING WRITING COMPETITION is currently accepting submissions in the categories of fiction, nonfiction, poetry and playwriting. Writers residing in Georgia, Florida, Alabama, South Carolina and Nor th Carolina may par ticipate. $10 fee must accompany each entry. Deadline for submissions is June 16. For information, contact Melanie Borger at the Greater Augusta Ar ts Council, 826-4702, ex t. 5.

PEACE VIGIL every Saturday until U.S. troops come home, noon-2 p.m. at the corner of Wrightsboro and Walton Way Ex t., near the Army Reserve Office. For more information, contact Denice Traina, 736-4738.

MCDUFFIE FRIENDS OF ANIMALS holds pet adoptions each Saturday, 1-3 p.m. at Superpetz on Bobby Jones Expressway. Call 556-9090 or visit www.pet finder.com.

COLUMBIA COUNTY HUMANE SOCIETY holds pet adoptions every Saturday from 11 a.m. to 3 p.m. and every Sunday from 1 to 4 p.m. at PetsMar t. For more info, call 860-5020.

RICHMOND COUNTY ANIMAL CONTROL AND AUGUSTA ANIMAL RESCUE FRIENDS holds pet adoptions at Superpetz of f Bobby Jones Expressway ever y Sunday from 1 to 4 p.m. Call AARF at 364-4747 or visit www.aar f.net. Adoptions also held at the Richmond Count y Animal Control Shelter, Tues. through Sun., 1-5 p.m. Call the shelter at 790-6836.

THE CSR A HUMANE SOCIETY holds pet adoptions every Saturday from 10 a.m. to 4 p.m. and every Wednesday evening from 5:30 to 7:30 p.m. at the Pet Center located behind the GreenJackets Stadium on Milledge Rd. 261-PETS.

Out of Town ATLANTA FILM FESTIVAL June 6-14 at various venues throughout the cit y. Ticket prices range from $3-$15 for individual events; dif ferent passes available from $20-$100. Buy tickets at www.ticket web.com or 1-866-468-7630.

“STARLIGHT EXPRESS” will be at the Theater of the Stars in Atlanta June 10-15. Call (404) 252-8960 for information.

BR ANFORD MARSALIS per forms June 12, 7:30 p.m., as par t of the Riverbanks Zoo and Garden 2003 Garden Concer t Series in Columbia, S.C. Tickets are $40 in advance and $42 the day of the show. Call 1866-468-7630 or visit www.ticketweb.com.

GEORGIA SHAKESPEARE FESTIVAL star ts June 8 and runs through Nov. 2 with performances of “Much Ado About Nothing,” “The School for Wives,” “The Tale of

Cymbeline” and “The Tempest.” Tickets are $23-$32, with special $10 preview shows. Held at the Conant Performing Ar ts Center on the campus of Oglethorpe University in Atlanta. Call (404) 264-0020 for information.

BELA FLECK AND THE FLECKTONES per form June 8, 7:30 p.m., as par t of the Riverbanks Zoo and Garden 2003 Garden Concer t Series in Columbia, S.C. Tickets are $36 in advance and $38 the day of the show. Call 1-866-468-7630 or visit www.ticketweb.com.

“HONKY TONK ANGELS” will be per formed by the Town Theatre 8 p.m. June 7 and 3 p.m. June 8 at the Newberry Opera House in Newberry, S.C. Tickets are $25. Order tickets online at www.newberryoperahouse.com or by phone at (803) 276-6264.

NATIONAL TR AILS DAY hike through The Preserve at Callaway Gardens in Pine Mountain, Ga., June 7. Hike is five miles, star ts at 10 a.m. and is open to teens and adults ages 12 and up. Fee is $8 for Callaway Gardens members and $10 for nonmembers. 1-800-CALLAWAY. ART IN THE PARK juried ar ts and craf ts show 10 a.m.5 p.m. June 7 at the American Legion Grounds in Blowing Rock, N.C. Free. Call (828) 295-7851.

NATIONAL TR AILS DAY VOLUNTEER PROJECT June 7 at Amicalola Falls State Park in Dawsonville, Ga., and Vogel State Park in Blairsville, Ga. Volunteers will help work on trails from 8:30 a.m. to 8:30 p.m. Bring water and a sack lunch. Call Amicalola State Park at (706) 265-4703 or Vogel State Park at (706) 745-2628.

ADOPTION INFORMATION SESSION at the Independent Adoption Center in Tucker, Ga. Held 9:30 a.m.-1:30 p.m.

June 7. To make reservations, call 1-800-385-4016.

“LAUNDRY AND BOURBON” AND “LONE STAR” will be performed by the Town and Gown players June 6-8 in Athens, Ga. Friday and Saturday performances at 8 p.m.; Sunday matinee at 2 p.m. Tickets are $5. Call (706) 208TOWN or visit www.townandgownplayers.org.

MIDLANDS BEACH MUSIC CELEBR ATION June 6 at the Columbia Mills Building in Columbia, S.C. Call (803) 898-4933.

CAROLINA JUBILEE features live bluegrass, country and mountain music with Doug and Bunny Williams 8 p.m.

June 6 at the Newberry Opera House in Newberry, S.C.

Tickets are $12.50. Order tickets by phone at (803) 276-6264 or online at www.newberryoperahouse.com.

REEDY RIVER NIGHTTIME CONCERT SERIES June 5Aug. 28 at the Peace Center Amphitheatre in Greenville, S.C. Free. (864) 467-6667.

SHAKESPEARE IN THE PARK festival June 5-Aug. 3 in Greenville, S.C. Plays presented by Warehouse Theatre. Call (864) 235-6948.

FAN FAIR June 5-8 in Nashville, Tenn., features performances and/or appearances by stars like Trace Adkins, Lonestar, Vince Gill, Mar tina McBride, Alan Jackson and more. Four-day tickets are $125-$145 for adults and $86-$100 for kids 18 and under; children 3 and under get in free. Call 1-866-FANFAIR for tickets.

“THE PEOPLE VS. MONA” will be per formed at the Woodruf f Ar ts Center in Atlanta June 5-15. For tickets, call (404) 733-5000.

“THE SHAKESPEARE CABARET” will be at the New American Shakespeare Tavern in Atlanta May 30, 11 p.m.

Admission is $10, or free with a ticket from the tavern’s production of “Twelfth Night.” Tickets will be sold at the door only. For information, call (404) 371-3341.

HEROES AWARDS GALA June 5, is sponsored by the Atlanta Chapter of the Recording Academy. Brian and Leighanne Lit trell co-host the event; Bo Diddley, Shawn Mullins and more will per form. To be honored at the event are James Brown, Leslie Fram, Fred and Dinah Gretsch and TLC. Held at the Westin Peachtree Plaza Hotel in Atlanta. Contact Michele Rhea Caplinger at (404) 249-8881 for information.

ARTS IN THE PARK May 31, 7:30 p.m., at Water front Park in Beaufor t, S.C. Free concer t by Molasses Creek. Call (843) 521-0611 for information.

SPOLETO FESTIVAL U.S.A. showcases world-class theatre, music, dance and visual ar t in Charleston, S.C., through June 8. For venue and ticket information, visit www.spoletousa.org or call (843) 579-3100.

JEKYLL ISLAND MUSICAL THEATRE FESTIVAL includes per formances of “Schoolhouse Rock Live,” “State Fair” and “Hello, Dolly!” in rotating reper tory at the Jekyll Island Amphitheatre in Jekyll Island, Ga., May 30-July 27. For information, call (912) 635-4060 or (229) 333-2150.

ON THE BRICKS concer t series star ts May 30 and continues Fridays through Aug. 22 at Centennial Olympic Park in Atlanta. May 30 concer t features Shaggy, Arrested Development, Jason Mraz and Jennifer Love Hewit t. Tickets are $3 per show or $25 for 12. Kids 5 and under get in free. Gates open at 5:30 p.m. Purchase tickets by phone at 1-800-594-TIX X or online at www.onthebricks.com.

“TWELFTH NIGHT” will be at The New American Shakespeare Tavern in Atlanta through June 29.

Per formances are Thursdays, Fridays and Saturdays at 7:30 p.m. and Sundays at 6:30 p.m. Tickets are $10 for May 16-18 preview shows and students; $19.50 Thursddays and Sundays, $22.50 Fridays and $24.50 Saturdays. Group discounts available for par ties of 10 or more. Tavern opens one hour and 15 minutes before the show for optional British pub-style meal. For tickets, call (404) 874-5299 or visit www.shakespearetavern.com.

“BAT BOY: THE MUSICAL” at the Woodruf f Ar ts Center in Atlanta through June 1. Tickets are $20-$27 for adults and $10 for those 25 years of age and younger.

(404) 733-5000.

“PACIFIC OVERTURES” will be at the Woodruf f Ar ts Center in Atlanta through June 1. Tickets are $17-$46; a limited number of $10 tickets are available to those under 25 years of age. Call the Alliance Theatre Company for tickets at (404) 733-4690.

GEORGIA RENAISSANCE FESTIVAL weekends through June 8, 10:30 a.m.-6 p.m. in Fairburn, Ga. At tractions include games, rides, live enter tainment, joust, birds of prey exhibit and more. Tickets available online at www.georgiarenaissancefestival.com or by phone at (770) 964-8575.

AT THE GEORGIA MUSEUM OF ART in Athens, Ga.: “Alfred H. Maurer: American Modern” through June 15; “The Weaving Room: The History of Weaving at Berry College” through July 6. For more information, visit www.uga.edu/gamuseum or call (706) 542-4662.

HARDEEVILLE (S.C.) MOTOR SPEEDWAY 2003 RACING SCHEDULE is June 7 and 21, July 12 and 26 and Aug. 9, 16 and 30. For information, call (843) 784-RACE. “CLEMENT GREENBERG: A CRITIC’S COLLECTION” is on display at the Columbia Museum of Ar t in Columbia, S.C., through June 17. (803) 799-2810.

THE HIGH MUSEUM OF ART’S FOLK ART AND PHOTOGR APH GALLERIES host two exhibitions through Aug. 9: “Land of My th and Memory: Clarence John Laughlin and Photographers of the South” and “Faces and Places: Picturing the Self in Self-Taught Ar t.” Call (404) 577-6940.

Benefits SWAMP SOIREE 2003 June 12, 6-9 p.m. Tickets are $60 per person and benefit the Phinizy Swamp Nature Park. For more information, call 828-2109.

AUGUSTA-RICHMOND COUNTY ANIMAL CONTROL is in need of dog and cat food, cat lit ter and other pet items, as well as monetary donations to help pay for vaccinations. Donations accepted during regular business hours, Tues.-Sun., 1-5 p.m. at the shelter, 4164 Mack Lane. Call 790-6836 for information.

SHEPEARD COMMUNITY BLOOD CENTER BLOOD DRIVES in various locations around the CSRA this month. The blood center is urging people of all blood types to donate in order to combat a blood supply shor tage. For detailed information on locations and times to donate, visit www.shepeardblood.org. You may also call Susan Edwards at (803) 643-7996 for information on Aiken locations and Nancy Szocinski at 737-4551 for information on all other locations.

AMERICAN RED CROSS BLOOD DRIVES at the Aiken Red Cross Blood Center on Millbrook Drive and the Augusta Red Cross Blood Center on Pleasant Home Road. The bloodmobile will also stop at various area locations this week. For a complete list, call the Aiken Blood Center at (803) 642-5180 or the Augusta Blood Center at 868-8800.

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FIRST ANNUAL CHARITY RUN FOR RONALD MCDON- 3 ALD HOUSE OF AUGUSTA five-stop observation poker ride May 31. First bikes leave Augusta Harley-Davidson at 9 a.m.; last bikes leave at 11 a.m. All riders welcome. Registration fee is $10 per bike. Call Cheryl, 651-0444, or Vikki, 724-5901.

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ALLTELL BOY SCOUT GOLF CLASSIC June 9 at Mount Vintage Plantation Golf Club. 1 p.m. shotgun star t.

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M E T R WETLANDS TEACHER WORKSHOP June 9-10, 10 O a.m.-4 p.m. Learn about wetlands and how to get K-12 S P I R I T

students interested in these habitats. Registration fee will be charged; free to Richmond and Columbia County public school teachers. Register by June 6.

828-2109.

MICROSOFT EXCEL course every other Wednesday, star ting June 11. Held 11 a.m.-12:30 p.m. at the M Wallace Branch Library. Call 722-6275.

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BOATING SKILLS AND SEAMANSHIP COURSE May

2 29-June 24 at the Augusta Por t Authority Building, 103 9 River front Dr. $30 fee for course materials. The U.S.

Coast Guard Auxiliary of fers information on legal

2 responsibilities, personal safety, boat handling, federal 0 and state regulations and more. No on the water activi0 3 ties are included. Register by contacting Wade Hammer

at 738-6446 or Rober t Johnson, 832-6939.

AUGUSTA STATE UNIVERSITY LITER ACY CENTER hosts a workshop for teachers of infants, toddlers, preschool and school-age children featuring hands-on classroom activities. Held May 31, 8 a.m.-2 p.m., at Washington Hall Towers on the ASU campus. Cost is $24 per person. RSVP to 733-7043.

GRANT WRITING INTERMEDIATE LEVEL WORKSHOP May 30, 8 a.m.-2 p.m., at Augusta Technical College.

Cost is $100 and includes course materials, cer tificate, breakfast and lunch. Call 210-2547 for more information.

p.m. Monday through Thursday. $10 per class or $60 a month for unlimited classes. Mats are provided, but bring a towel and a water bot tle. Call Tess at 738-2782 for more information.

A FREE WOMEN’S HEALTH CLINIC is held from 6-8 p.m. on Tuesdays at the Salvation Army and Welfare Center, 1383 Greene St. Services include Pap smear, breast exam and the diagnosis and treatment of sexually transmit ted diseases. For more info or an appointment, call the St. Vincent dePaul Health Center at 828-3444.

W.G. WATSON, M.D., WOMEN’S CENTER CONDUCTS EDUCATION CLASSES at University Hospital. Course topics include Lamaze, breast feeding, parenting and grandparenting. Par tners will learn positive suppor t techniques. There are also programs designed to help older siblings adjust to new family members. Some classes are free, while others require a fee.

Registration is required by calling 774-2825.

Kids SHILOH COMPREHENSIVE COMMUNITY CENTER INTERGENER ATIONAL/TUTORIAL SUMMER DAY CAMP June 9-July 25 at the Shiloh Comprehensive Community Center. Open to kids ages 7-16. For more information, contact Ruth B. Crawford, Sherrie Hill or Calvin Holland at 738-0089.

CHILDREN’S STORYTIME at Borders Books and Music June 2, 11 a.m. Featured book is “Down by the Cool of the Pool.” Call 737-6962 for more information.

USC-AIKEN CONTINUING EDUCATION offers the following courses: Golfing for Fun, Creative Writing and more.

USC-Aiken also offers Education to Go classes online. Call the Office of Continuing Education at (803) 641-3288.

YOUTH SELECT SOCCER TRYOUTS for the Columbia County Patriots Soccer Club. Open to boys and girls. For tryout dates and times of specific age groups, contact Phil Sines, 860-1148, or visit www.patriotssoccer.org.

AUGUSTA STATE UNIVERSITY CONTINUING EDUCATION is now of fering the following classes: Medical Terminology, Beat the Heat Ice Skating Camp, Tai Chi I, Beginning Ballroom, Intermediate Ballroom Dance and more. Also, ASU of fers online courses. For more information, call 737-1636 or visit www.ced.aug.edu.

PET CARE AND SAFETY with Richmond County Animal Control June 11, 10 a.m. Held at the Ma xwell Branch Library. Registration is required; call 793-2020.

AIKEN TECH CONTINUING EDUCATION of fers the following courses: PCs, Microsof t Word, Microsof t Of fice, Massage, Health Care Career Courses, Spanish, Rape Aggression Defense, Defensive Driving and more. Aiken Tech also of fers Education to Go classes online. For more information or to register, call (803) 593-9231, ex t. 1230.

Health DIET COUNSELING CLASSES for diabetics and those with high cholesterol at CSRA Partners in Health, 1220 Augusta West Parkway. Free. Call 860-3001 for class schedule.

PROJECT LINK COMMUNITY LECTURE SERIES is held the first Tuesday of every month and is sponsored by the MCG Children’s Medical Center. Project Link provides educational resources and guidance for families who have children with developmental delays, disabilities and other specialized health concerns. Free and open to the public; takes place from 6:30-8 p.m. in the main conference room at the Children’s Medical Center. June 3 panel discussion is on resources in the community. Call 721-6838 for information.

UNIVERSITY HEALTH CARE SYSTEM COMMUNITY EDUCATION holds workshops, seminars and classes on a variety of topics: weight and nutrition, women’s health, cancer, diabetes, seniors’ health and more.

Suppor t groups and health screenings are also of fered. Call 736-0847 for details.

PEACHCARE FOR KIDS AND RIGHT FROM THE START MEDICADE offers free or low-cost health coverage to qualifying families. Coverage includes prenatal care, hospitalization, vaccines, dental and vision care and is available to pregnant women of all ages and to children through age 19. Contact the RSM Project at 729-2086 or 721-5611 for information.

YOGA CLASSES at Walton Rehabilitation Hospital are held on Tuesdays and Thursdays from 7-8 a.m. for $45/month or 10:30 a.m. to noon for $55/month. Call 823-6294.

FREE HIV/AIDS TESTING every Tuesday from 4 to 7 p.m. at St. Stephen’s Ministry, 922 Greene Street. Free anonymous testing, pre- and post-test counseling and education.

HATHA YOGA CLASSES at the St. Joseph Home Health Care Center in Daniel Village Plaza. Held 10 a.m. to noon Monday, Wednesday and Friday and 6:30-8:30

WATER SAFETY with Ranger David Quebedeaux of the U.S. Corps of Engineers June 6, 10 a.m., at the Ma xwell Branch Library. Registration is required; call 793-2020.

“NUTRITION AND YOU” presentation at the Friedman Branch Library June 10. Preschool program at 10 a.m.; school-age program at 10:30 a.m. Call 7366758.

MARY MCCALL AS MOTHER GOOSE at the Appleby Branch Library June 11, 10:30-11:30 a.m. Call 736-6244.

SUMMER ADVENTURES DAY CAMP runs in five sessions June 9-Aug. 8. Cost is $90 for sessions 1-4; session 5 is $45. Open to kids ages 5-12. Held at the H.O. Weeks Center in Aiken. Call (803) 642-7631 for information.

CLOGGING CLASS begins June 11 at the H.O. Weeks Center in Aiken. Held Wednesday nights, 6-7:30 p.m.

Open to children ages 7 and up. Call (803) 642-7631 for information.

“SNOW WHITE AND ROSE RED” will be presented by the Augusta State University Born To Read Literacy Center and the Patchwork Players June 9 at 9, 10 and 11 a.m. Per formances held at ASU’s Ma xwell Per forming Ar ts Theatre. Tickets are $3 per person.

Call 733-7043 for info.

FAMILY FUN DAY at the Augusta Museum of History June 8. Michael Lasser presents “No Army Without Music — The Songs of the Civil War” at 2 p.m.

Admission is free. Call 722-8454.

SUMMER FUN DAY CAMP June 2-Aug. 8, running in two-week sessions, at the Smith-Hazel Recreation Center in Aiken. Open to children ages 4-12. Cost is $60 per session; out-of-city residents pay an additional $27.50. (803) 642-7635.

SOCCER SKILLS class for kids 4-5 years old who have never played soccer before or are looking to improve their skills. Cost is $30 for Aiken city residents and $47.50 for all others. Held at the H.O. Weeks Center June 2-July 7, 6-6:45 p.m. Call (803) 642-7631 for information.

ALL-STARS SUMMER CAMP runs in two sessions, June 2-12 and 16-26. Camp is held 9 a.m.-4:30 p.m.

Monday-Thursday. All-Stars is a character education program for youth in grades 5-7 and is sponsored by SAFE Team of Aiken County. Sessions are free, but space is limited, so call (803) 649-1900, ex t. 331 or 310 to register.

PLANETARIUM SHOWS FOR SUMMER GROUPS with special show times Wednesdays and Thursdays at the DuPont Planetarium in Aiken. Reser vations are

Don’t be afraid of these guys – they’re just big ol’ babies. Come meet them and other big dogs (and big dogs at heart) at the First Friday Great Dane Parade. The fun starts at 7 p.m. June 6 in front of the Metro Coffeehouse. required; for details, contact Janice Weeks at (803) 641-3769 or 278-1967, ex t. 3769.

MATH AND SCIENCE CAMP for students entering 3rd and 4th grades. Held June 2-6, June 23-27 and July 14-18 at For t Discovery. Cost is $125 for members and $150 for non-members. Before- and af ter-camp care available for additional fee. Contact Lisa Golden, 821-0646.

“SAFETY IN THE CAR” program June 4, 10:30-11:30 a.m. at the Appleby Branch Library. Call 736-6244 for information.

DISCOVERY ISLAND CAMP for students entering 4th and 5th grades. Held June 2-6 at For t Discovery. Cost is $125 for members and $150 for non-members.

Before- and af ter-camp care available for additional fee. Contact Lisa Golden, 821-0646.

LEON MOORE, GUEST STORYTELLER from WAGT Channel 26 at the Friedman Branch Library June 3.

Story time is 10 a.m. for preschoolers and 10:30 a.m. for school-age children. Call 736-6758 for information.

MISSION TO MARS CAMP for students entering 2nd and 3rd grades. Held June 16-20 and July 7-11 at For t Discovery. Cost is $125 for members and $150 for non-members. Before- and af ter-camp care available for additional fee. Contact Lisa Golden, 821-0646.

“WATER SAFETY” with ranger David Quebedeaux of the U.S. Corps of Engineers June 4. Held 10 a.m. for preschoolers and 10:30 a.m. for school-age children at the Friedman Branch Library. Call 736-6758.

FIRE HOUSE AND SMOKE HOUSE with the Richmond County Fire Depar tment June 5, 10 a.m.-noon at the Friedman Branch Library. Call 736-6758 for information.

SCIENCE POTPOURRI CAMP for students entering 2nd and 3rd grades. Held June 2-6, June 9-13 and July 21-25 at For t Discovery. Cost is $125 for members and $150 for non-members. Before- and after-camp care available for additional fee. Contact Lisa Golden, 821-0646.

STORYTIME WITH STORYTELLER JACKIE JOHNS June 4, 10 a.m., at the Ma xwell Branch Library. Call 793-2020 to register.

DR AW ON NATURE II CAMP of fers ar t, science and technology activities to students entering 2nd and 3rd grades. Held July 28-Aug. 1 at For t Discovery. Cost is $125 for members and $150 for non-members. Beforeand af ter-camp care available for additional fee.

Contact Lisa Golden, 821-0646.

VACATION READING PROGR AM KICK OFF CARNIVAL at the Ma xwell Branch Library May 31, 1-4 p.m. Miss Myr tle Beach leads story time and Ben and Keeter perform a puppet show. 793-2020.

FAMILY Y SUMMER CAMPS of fer a variety of traditional and special interest camps for children 4-17 years old. For specifics, call 733-1030, 738-6678, 738-6680 or 364-3269.

SUMMER FREEDOM FUN BASH out-of-school celebration at Augusta Golf and Gardens May 29, 8-11 p.m. $7 ticket covers admission, snacks, beverages, music, enter tainment and more. Call 724-4443 for details.

“SUMMER OF FUN” DAY CAMPS June-August at Riverview Park in Nor th Augusta. Eight themed oneweek sessions will be of fered and include ar t camp,

magic camp, music camp, Spanish camp, inventor’s camp and science camp. Cost is $100 per session. For information, call 667-8806.

PTA KICKOFF AND EXPO May 31, 9 a.m.-noon at Meadowbrook Elementary. Outgoing and incoming PTA leaders will receive information and tools to prepare for the upcoming PTA year. For more information, visit www.csrapta.org or call 738-6061.

SUMMER VACATION READING PROGR AM at all East Central Georgia Regional Libraries. Children who complete 20 books or read for 10 hours over the summer receive a pack of summer time treats. Obtain a reading folder at any of the libraries or call Headquar ters Library at 821-2600 for details.

“EVERY CHILD AN ARTIST” SUMMER ART CAMP, presented by the Ger trude Herber t Institute of Ar t, is now accepting registration. Weeklong sessions run throughout June and July in locations downtown and in Columbia County. Open to children ages 5-14. Per-session cost is $50 for GHIA members and $65 for nonmembers; tuition assistance is also available. For information, call 722-5495.

KENNY THOMAS BASEBALL CAMP for kids 5-14 years old runs in two sessions at USC-Aiken: June 16-20 and July 21-25, 9 a.m.-4 p.m. Early drop-of f anc late pick-up also available. Cost is $160 per session. Call (803) 642-7761 for details.

MOVIES FOR ALL AGES 1:30 p.m. Wednesdays throughout May at the Euchee Creek Library. 556-0594.

GIBBS LIBR ARY SUMMER STORYTIME REGISTR ATION now open. Call 863-1946 for more information or to register your child.

APPLICATIONS FOR FORT DISCOVERY SUMMER CAMPS now available. A variety of camps are available for young scientists of all ages. Download an application at www.NationalScienceCenter.org or contact Lisa Golden at 821-0646.

STORYLAND THEATRE is now taking reservations for the 2003-2004 season: “Sleeping Beauty” Oct. 28Nov. 1, “The Cour tship of Senorita Florabella” Feb. 2429 and “Hansel and Gretel” April 13-17. Season tickets for weekday school per formances are $9 per student; season tickets for weekend family matinees are $10.50 per person. For reservations, call Storyland Theatre at 736-3455 or fa x a request to 736-3349.

“TECHNOLOGY AND TENNIS FOR LIFE” camp is now accepting registration for summer sessions June 9-27 and July 7-25. Program activities include computer literacy, leadership skills development, tennis instruction and more. To register, call 796-5046.

YOUTH LEADERSHIP DEVELOPMENT SKILLS PROGRAM for teens ages 12-19 held the third Saturday of the month at the Lucy Craft Laney Museum of Black History.

Call 724-3576.

WEEKLY STORY SESSIONS at all branch libraries. Visit www.ecgrl.public.lib.ga.us for more information.

FIRST SATURDAY STORYTELLING at the Lucy Craf t Laney Museum. In addition, there is a tour of the museum. Held 10 a.m. to noon the first Saturday of the month. Call 724-3576.

Seniors SPARKLING SINGLES ORGANIZATIONAL MEETING for the 50-plus generation June 5, 2-3 p.m. Socialize, meet new people and have fun. To sign up, contact Bobbie Olivero, 826-4480, ex t. 242.

FIT 4 EVER LIGHT IMPACT FITNESS CLASS is $25 for 12 tickets for Aiken city residents and $45 for all others.

Classes begin June 2 and are held at the H.O. Weeks Center in Aiken on Mondays, Wednesdays and Fridays, 10-11 a.m. Call (803) 642-7631 for information.

FREE REGISTR ATION FOR ALZHEIMER’S PATIENTS IN THE NATIONWIDE SAFE RETURN PROGR AM May 29, 9 a.m.-1 p.m. at Autumn Care Adult Day Center, 3654 Dewey Gray Circle. Safe Return is an identification program for Alzheimer’s patients who wander away from home; par ticipants are provided with an engraved bracelet or necklace. For information, call 731-9060 or 1-800-236-0688.

SENIOR CITIZENS FUN DAY at Gyles Park in Aiken features games, food, singing, horseshoes, story telling, poetry reading and more. Held May 29, 10 a.m.-1 p.m.

Rain location is the Smith Hazel Recreation Center.

Free. (803) 642-7635.

THE CARE MANAGEMENT CONSULTANT COMPANY, a non-profit organization, provides transpor tation for seniors who live in the 30906 and 30815 zip code area. For a minimal fee, door-to-door shut tles provide safe, clean and dependable transpor tation 9 a.m.-4 p.m. Appointments must be made 24 hours in advance; call Linda Washington, 733-8771, or leave a message for more information.

COMPUTER CLASSES FOR SENIOR CITIZENS Tuesdays and Thursdays, 11 a.m.-1 p.m. at Shiloh Comprehensive Community Center. For more information, call 738-0089.

AIKEN PARKS AND RECREATION of fers a multitude of programs for senior adults, including bridge clubs, fitness classes, canasta clubs, line dancing, racquetball, ar ts and craf ts, tennis and excursions. For more information, call (803) 642-7631.

JUD C. HICKEY CENTER FOR ALZHEIMER’S CARE provides families and caregivers of those with Alzheimer’s disease and dementia a break during the day. Activities and care available at the adult day center, and homecare is available as well. For information, call 738-5039.

THE ACADEMY FOR LIFELONG LEARNING of fers lectures, courses, field trips, discussion groups and communit y information seminars on a variet y of topics to mature adults. For more information, contact the USC-Aiken Of fice of Continuing Education at (803) 641-3288.

PEOPLE WITH ARTHRITIS CAN EXERCISE (PACE) meets at Walton Rehabilitation Hospital Tuesdays and Thursdays from 1-2 p.m. Call 823-5294.

THE SENIOR CITIZENS COUNCIL OF GREATER AUGUSTA AND THE CSR A of fers a variety of classes, including aerobics, quilting, tai chi, Spanish, painting, line dancing, bowling, bridge, computers, pilates and pinochle. For dates and times, phone 826-4480.

ARTHRITIS AQUATICS of fered Mondays, Wednesdays and Fridays at Walton Rehabilitation Hospital. Classes meet 9-9:45 a.m., 10-10:45 a.m. or 12:15-1 p.m. $37.50/month. To register, call 733-5959.

12 for sculling. Open to those age 14-18. Call 7383991 for registration information.

TENNIS CAMP for players ages 6-18 years of age. Held at the Weeks Tennis Center in Aiken in two sessions, June 9-13 and July 14-18. Beginners and experienced athletes welcome. Cost is $65 per session. Call (803) 642-7739 for information.

AUGUSTA JUNIORS SUMMER VOLLEYBALL REGISTR ATION June 1 at the Family Y on Wheeler Road.

Rising 7th graders through just-graduated 12 graders may par ticipate. For more inforamtion, contact Elaine Cupp, 279-2215 or e-mail augustajuniors@yahoo.com.

AAU GEORGIA STATE TR ACK AND FIELD CHAMPIONSHIP June 12-15 at Cross Creek High School.

Approximately 800 athletes between the ages of 7 and 18 will compete for a chance to par ticipate in the AAU Junior Olympics in Detroit. Call George Taylor, 9527532, or visit www.augustaflyers.com.

“TRI THE PARKS” TRIATHLON June 7 at Mistletoe State Park. For more information, visit www.tribluesky.com or contact Chuck Dunlop, (404) 352-0394.

INTRODUCTORY AND DROP-IN CLIMBING Fridays, 5:30-6:30 p.m., at the Virginia Acres Park Climbing Wall in Aiken. Cost is $5 per session. Call (803) 6427631 for information.

M E T THE AUGUSTA RUGBY CLUB is always looking for new R O members. Teams available for women and men; no

experience necessary. Practice is Tuesday and Thursday nights, 7-9 p.m. at Richmond Academy. For more information, call Don Zuehlke, 495-2043, or email augustar fc@yahoo.com. You may also visit www.augustarugby.org.

Volunteer COURT APPOINTED SPECIAL ADVOCATE PROGR AM VOLUNTEER TR AINING: The CASA program is looking for volunteers 21 years of age and older to advocate for abused and neglected children in the juvenile cour t system. Volunteers need no ex perience and will be provided with specialized training. Call 737-4631.

SENIORNET provides adults age 50 and over education for and access to computer technology. Many dif ferent courses are of fered. Contact the USC-Aiken Continuing Education Of fice at (803) 641-3563.

SWIMMING LESSONS at the Smith-Hazel Pool in Aiken. Instructors will teach people of all skill levels how to swim; open to ages 2 through adult. Morning and evening classes available, and lessons run in twoweek sessions June-August. Cost is $30 per session.

(803) 642-7631.

TEEN SUMMER VOLUNTEER PROGR AM ORIENTATION at Golden Harvest Food Bank’s main warehouse, 3310 Commerce Dr., 10 a.m.-noon June 7. Parents should also at tend. Par ticipants between the ages of 13 and 19 with the ability to lif t at least 25 lbs. are needed to sor t food and conduct of fice work. Reserve a place by calling Laurie Roper, 736-1199, ex t. 208.

Sports

SUMMER SWIM LESSONS of fered in two-week sessions through July 31 at the Family Y pools. Classes available for six month olds through adults. Call 7386678, 733-1030 or 738-6680 for details.

NATIONAL TR AILS DAY RIVER CLEAN-UP June 7 at Aiken State Natural Area in Windsor, S.C. For information, phone (803) 649-2857.

FAMILY Y ADULT BASKETBALL LEAGUE REGISTR ATION June 10 at the Wilson Branch, 3570 Wheeler Rd. League is open to players 16 years of age and older.

Call 733-1030 for more information.

AUGUSTA PREP VOLLEYBALL DAY CAMP June 9-12; 8 a.m.-noon for middle-school players and 1-5 p.m. for high-school players. Cost is $80. Contact Rich Bland, 863-1906, ex t. 361, or Richb@augustaprep.org.

AUGUSTA ROWING CLUB JUNIOR SCULLING CAMPS June 10-14 for beginners and June 24-28 and July 8-

DISC GOLF HALL OF FAME CLASSIC, May 30-June 1 at Lake Olmstead, is the highest level pro tournament on the Professional Disc Golf Tournament’s 2003 tour.

For more information, visit ht tp://www.members.aol.com/hofclassic, e-mail HOFclassic@aol.com, or call Brian Graham, 736-8537.

AUGUSTA GREENJACKETS HOME GAMES May 2931 and June 1-2, 12-15, 20-22 and 26-30. Tickets are $6-$8 for adults; $5 for senior citizens, militar y personnel and children 4-12; and $1 for children 3 and under. For tickets, visit www.tixonline.com or call 736-7889.

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ADOPT-A-STREAM TRAINING May 31, 9 a.m.-3 p.m. at the Spirit Creek Educational Forest, 4052 Smokey Rd. Register by contacting Cathy Black, 790-2351; Ginny Brady, 821-0632; or Frank Carl, 364-5253.

GREATER AUGUSTA ARTS COUNCIL ARTSCAPE CAMP is looking for volunteers to assist teachers June 2-Aug. 1. For more information, call 826-4702.

CSRA HUMANE SOCIETY NEW VOLUNTEER ORIENTATION PROGRAM the third Saturday of every month at the Pet Center, 425 Wood St. Orientation star ts at 11 a.m. Volunteers under 18 years of age must have a par-

S P I R I T M A Y 2 9 2 0 0 3

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ent or guardian present during orientation and while volunteering. Call 261-PETS for information.

Voted Best Steak In Augusta For 15 Years

AUGUSTA RED CROSS SUMMER YOUTH VOLUNTEER PROGRAM offers oppor tunities for youth to volunteer at Doctors Hospital and other human service agencies.

Youth must be responsible and demonstrate maturity. For information, contact Lynn Reese at 724-8484 by May 23.

M E T R O

M A Y 2 9 2 0 0 3

1987-2002

Words & Music by

Stephen Sondheim James Lapine

Book by

Directed by Marcia Harris

Reservations (803) 648-1438

WORLD HERITAGE FOREIGN EXCHANGE PROGRAM is looking for area families, couples and single parents to host high-school-aged foreign exchange students for a semester or a year in the U.S. For more information, visit www.world-heritage.org or contact Beth Folland, (803) 279-2696 or 1-800-888-9040.

FORT DISCOVERY STUDENT VOLUNTEER PROGRAM is looking for volunteers, ages 15 and up, to commit 30 hours over the summer. For more information on this oppor tunity, contact Millie Schumacher, 821-0609.

May 23, 24, 30, 31, June 6& 7 8:00 pm.

Matinee Sunday June 1st at 3 p.m.

The Washington Center For the Performing Arts 124 Newberry St. Aiken, SC

2856 Washington Rd. 73-STEAK 1654 Gordon Hwy. 796-1875

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S P I R I T

GOLDEN HARVEST FOOD BANK needs volunteers during the day, Monday-Friday, to help sor t donated products and assist in their agency shopping area. Help is needed year-round. If you are able to lif t 25 pounds and would like to help fight hunger in the Augusta area, contact Laurie Roper at 736-1199, ex t. 208.

What I Know Can Help You

THOROUGHBRED RACING HALL OF FAME DOCENTS NEEDED: Duties include opening and closing the Hall of Fame, greeting visitors and providing information about museum exhibits. Call Lisa Hall, (803) 642-7650 for information.

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THE KITTY ORTIZ DE LEON FOUNDATION needs volunteers to help promote organ donor awareness. For more information, please contact Cassandra Reed at 4810105 or kodfoundation@aol.com.

www.sanfordbrukerbanks.com

Y A D Y L I M A F

RK A L P L B A E T H AT

OLDER AMERICANS ACT SENIOR NUTRITION PROGR AM is looking for volunteers to ser ve meals to needy older residents. To volunteer, contact the Senior Citizens Council at 826-4480. For those in need of home-delivered meals, call 210-2018 or toll free at 1-888-922-4464.

AUGUSTA-RICHMOND COUNTY ANIMAL CONTROL: New volunteer orientation is scheduled the first Saturday of each month at 1 p.m. at the shelter, 4164 Mack Lane.

Schedule subject to change; call 790-6836 to verify dates and times.

SHEPEARD COMMUNITY BLOOD CENTER is seeking donors to prevent a blood supply shor tage. To donate call 737-4551, 854-1880 or (803) 643-7996.

Meetings THE AUGUSTA SKI AND OUTING CLUB meets the first Tuesday of ever y month and is open to those interested in snow skiing, boating, camping and other outdoor recreation. June 3 meeting is 6:30 p.m. in the Alamo Room at Lone Star on Washington Road.

(803) 279-6186.

“MIGR ATORY PATTERNS OF EARLY SETTLERS OF WARREN COUNTY, GA.” is the topic presented at the June meeting of the Augusta Genealogical Society June 5, 7-8 p.m. Held at the Augusta Museum of History. Free. For information, contact Carol Allen Storm, 592-2711.

Weekly ALCOHOLICS ANONYMOUS: For more information and a meeting schedule, call 860-8331.

OVEREATERS ANONYMOUS meets Tuesdays, 6-7:30 p.m. Call 785-0006 for location and information.

This coupon will admit the entire family up to six members for only $12.00! Join us every Sunday the GreenJackets are at home during the season.

There’ll be rides, games and prizes for everyone!

NARCOTICS ANONYMOUS: If you want to stop using any drugs, there is a way out. Help is available at no cost. Call the Narcotics Anonymous help line for information and meeting schedules at 855-2419.

CHRIST-BASED RECOVERY MEETING every Tuesday, 6:30 p.m., at the Love & Light Healing Center. Please use the back entrance. For information, contact Kenny Stacy, 373-5585.

Michael Lasser delivers a lecture entitled “Let ‘Em Have It Just That Way: The Songwriters of the Harlem Renaissance” as part of the Morris Museum of Art’s First Friday Festivities June 6.

FREE ‘N’ ONE SUPPORT GROUP for those bat tling addiction to drugs and alcohol. Approach is a spiritual one. Held ever y Thursday night. For information, contact Sarah Barnes, 772-7325.

TOUGH LOVE SUPPORT GROUP Monday nights, 6:307:30 p.m. at the South Augusta Resource Center. Learn how to understand addiction and how to exercise tough love with those you care about. Call Sarah Barnes, 7727325, for info.

GEORGIA-CAROLINA TOASTMASTERS meets Wednesdays at noon at the Clubhouse, 2567 Washing ton Rd. $8 for lunch; visitors welcome.

860-9854.

SEXAHOLICS ANONYMOUS, a 12-step program of recovery from addiction to obsessive/compulsive sexual thoughts and behaviors, meets Wednesdays at 8 p.m. and Saturdays at 7 p.m. at Augusta Counselling Services. Call 339-1204 and leave first name and phone number; a confidential reply is assured.

AUGUSTA TOASTMASTERS CLUB #326 meets Thursdays at 7:30 p.m. at Advent Lutheran Church. Call 868-8431.

BUSINESS NETWORK INTERNATIONAL Augusta Chapter meets every Thursday morning from 7 to 8:30 a.m. at the Cour tyards by Mariot t. The group is a business networking group designed to give and receive referrals. All professionals welcome. For more information or to join, call Barbara Crenshaw, 868-3772.

RIVERWALK TOASTMASTERS meets Mondays, 7 p.m. in Classroom 3 at University Hospital. Call Gale Kan, 855-7071.

GUIDELINES: Public Service announcements are listed in this section without charge at the discretion of the editor. Announcements must be received by Monday at noon and will be included as space permits. Send to Events, The Metropolitan Spirit, P.O. Box 3809, Augusta, GA 30914 or fa x (706) 733-6663. You may also e-mail listings to rhonda_jones@metspirit.com or lisa_jordan@metspirit.com. Listings cannot be taken over the phone.

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Visit us online. For all the latest in Arts, Entertainment and Local Events. Visit our website at metspirit.com.

35 M E T R O

Arts: Theatre

Theatre Treats: From Gospel to “Grease”

S P I R I T

By Rhonda Jones

M A Y 2 9 2 0 0 3

What’s So Funny About Gospel?

Plenty, apparently. Abbeville Opera House is doing a production of “Smoke on the Mountain” that director Michael Genevie says will treat you in more than one way.

“It will make you laugh and then the next minute you hear some of the most beautiful harmony and the most beautiful music ever written.”

“Smoke on the Mountain,” you see, is a gospel comedy.

“It is set in 1938 in a church in North Carolina, and it deals with the Sanders family.” They are a gospel-singing family, Genevie said, so one of the challenges in filling the cast is to find people who can sing as well as act.

“We have banjo, guitar, piano. There’s percussion accompaniment. It’s been popular and performed, I guess, the last four or five years in theatres over the country.”

His actors have to convince people that they are a group of performers who have been singing together all of their lives, a task made easier, he said, by the fact that plenty of his actors have been there year after year and know each other well.

“This is my 24th summer theatre season here at the Opera House. Some of our actors have been performing with us all 24 years, but we have a core company of people who have been performing with us for a long time.”

That is fortunate, he said, because they have only five days to rehearse for the summer sessions. But they must get it together all right, because the audience asks about the Sanders family if they don’t see them for a while.

“It’s truly the most popular show we have ever done at the Abbeville Opera House,” Genevie said. “We could run this show year-round, I think, and pack them in.”

He speculates that part of the reason people will respond to it this go-round is the state of our world. “Well, I really think that the subject matter and just the wonderful old-time gospel songs that are featured in this musical, it’s the kind of thing with our audiences today in our country with the economy the way it is, and terrorism. It takes us back in time, I think, to a time when things were more innocent.”

If that sounds good to you, then plan to see it during the dates of June 6-7, 13-14, 20-21 or 27-28. Matinees are June 7, 14, 21 and 28 at 3 p.m. Evening shows are at 8 p.m. For ticket and other information, call the box office at (864) 459-2157 between the hours of 1-5 p.m., Monday through Friday. The Opera House is located in Abbeville, S.C.

Shakespeare and More Don’t put the Bard on too high a pedestal, guys and dolls. If he were writing today he’d be working in Hollywood, writing movies like “Kate and Leopold.” Except better. The proof? “Much Ado About Nothing.” Poor Hero. She’s being wooed by Don Pedro just so he can later turn her over to Claudio. Don John, who is the bastard son of Don Pedro, learns of the plan, and since he hates Claudio, he makes Claudio think that his partner in deception is deceiving him as well, by planning to keep Hero. The governor Leonato gets involved … and that’s not to mention Benedick and Beatrice, who have their own little love tale going on as well. Hero is given to Claudio, but then Claudio becomes coy because he says he saw her with another man. Benedick says he will do anything for Beatrice if she will marry him, and she holds him to it: She wants him to kill Claudio, so of course there has to be a duel.

Later, Claudio and Hero produce written proof of the love

“Grease” shows at the Bell Auditorium June 5.

between Benedick and Beatrice, when they begin hedging about their love for each other. And on and on. It’s a great deal of fun and should be a lot of laughs. Runs June 11-Aug. 10.

“The School for Wives,” or “L’École des Femmes,” is not Shakespeare, but Molie` re. It is about a middle-aged man named Arnolphe (who has been around the block a few dozen times) who thinks that the best way to protect a wife’s honor is to keep all knowledge from her, except for info about housework and other wifely duties. The only books she should be allowed near are the Bible and the “Maxims of Marriage.” No “Women Who Run With the Wolves.” No “Lovely Bones.” No “Fear of Flying” or Oprah’s latest book club pick. And he attempts to enforce these precepts upon his charge Agnes, whom he intends to marry. But she has the wiles of youth on her side and outfoxes him, though not consciously. She has fallen in love with a young man named Horace. The character Chrysalde becomes the voice in favor of the education of women. Runs June 26-Aug. 8.

“The Tale of Cymbeline” or, simply “Cymbeline,” will open in mid-July. It is the story of a British king, the title character, a widower who has married an evil queen. She wants the princess Imogen to marry her son Cloten, but she marries her love Posthumus instead. (Unfortunate name, I know.) In true evil diva fashion, she has him banished, but he gives Imogen a bracelet and a ring before leaving her. And in true guy fashion, he begins to brag once he arrives in Rome, and he begins to wager. He bets Iachimo that he won’t be able to seduce the faithful Imogen. Iachimo fails to seduce her, but does hide so he can see a mole of hers, and he steals her bracelet, and returns to Posthumus to tell him that he has, indeed, succeeded.

Posthumus responds by hiring someone to kill his bride. And so the games begin. Runs July 10-Aug. 10.

Everyone loves “The Tempest.” There’s a sorcerer and an enchanted island, where he lives with his daugher and a spirit named Ariel, who serves them. Meanwhile, the island has been beset by a group of men who are looking for one of their num-

ber while plotting to kill each other. It’s like “Survivor” without the television cameras. There’s also a plot against the sorcerer, Prospero, by a man named Caliban, who is the son of a witch and who wants the island for himself. Eventually, it all works out, and Prospero reveals himself as the rightful Duke of Milan, which he somehow does without enlisting the aid of a lawyer or going to the press. He releases Ariel from servitude, but asks for a final favor, that Ariel should calm the seas for a trip back to Naples. Runs Oct. 9-Nov. 2.

The Georgia Shakespeare Festival is held at Oglethorpe University in Atlanta, Ga. For ticket information call the box office at (404) 264-0020, the administrative office at (404) 504-3400, visit www.gashakespeare.org, or e-mail boxoffice@gashakespeare.org. Ticket prices range from $40 to $116, but you get special benefits with some of that, so be sure to ask.

“Grease” at the Bell Danny and Sandy, ooh-la-la! According to the Phoenix Productions Web site, “Grease” is the fifth-longest running musical in Broadway history. The story of the two teenagers from different worlds – the greaser and the good girl – has been a favorite of people from several generations now, since the movie starring a much younger John Travolta and Olivia Newton-John. It’s a 1950s scene with fast cars and poodle skirts. You’ll come away with songs in your head, like “Greased Lightnin’,” “Summer Nights,” “You’re the One That I Want” and “We Go Together.”

“Grease” shows at the Bell Auditorium on June 5 at 7:30 p.m.

Tickets can be purchased at the Augusta-Richmond County Civic Center Box Office at all TicketMaster outlets (visit www.ticketmaster.com) and by calling (706) 828-7700. Single ticket prices are $22, $32 and $42. For groups of 15 or more, tix will run from $18 to $38.

36 M E T R O S P I R I T

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hat if a child, left alone with only a television for company and drugs calling from the streets, were taken to a magical place where she spent her days singing and dancing, playing music, acting and making art?

And better yet – what if it were free?

For the past several years, the Greater Augusta Arts Council (GAAC) has been providing just such an escape for kids who live in crime- and poverty-ridden neighborhoods. According to GAAC statements, the average annual income of their families is $6,600, including earned income and social support.

The magical place that the GAAC has created is called ArtScape Camp. This year, there are 100 kids enrolled in the program – 40 more than last year. They will spend eight weeks rotating in classes of 20, between five teachers who live in the arts community.

Scott Richardson, who will teach strings and percussion, works with the Richmond County Strings Program, which takes him from school to school.

“He just did amazing things last year,” said GAAC Arts Education Director Erin Jacobs Swenson. Last year, instead of keeping a large group of kids for practically the entire summer, ArtScape had two groups of kids for two weeks each.

And in those two weeks, Richardson turned regular kids into violinists.

In fact, she said, 10 out of the 60 went on to enroll in the Richmond County Strings Program.

In addition, she said, Sara Benton, who dances with Augusta Ballet, will teach them dance. Jaime Burcham, who also dances with Augusta Ballet and heads the all-purpose performance group Behind the Masque, will teach them drama. Lisa Baggs, who has worked with the PrimeTime art program at Gertrude Herbert Institute of Art and with the Art Factory, will teach them visual arts. And Russell Brown, a singer with the amazing ability to be everywhere, will give their vocal cords a workout.

We asked Swenson what the typical day will be like for the youngsters, who range in age from 6-12. For the first six weeks, they will begin their days at 9:30 a.m. at Collins Elementary School, where they will enjoy breakfast before their 10 a.m. class. They have five classes each day, with the last one beginning at 3 p.m. The last two weeks, she said, the students will concentrate on their final performance, to take place Aug. 1 at May Park.

That final performance, she said, is where all five disciplines will meet. And that has something to do with the strange items that have been collecting

in the office.

“I know we’ve got a huge project,” Swenson said. We’re collecting milk jugs. And I know she’s (art instructor Baggs) going to somehow turn those milk jugs into masks.”

Sounds like all’s happy in the magic kingdom, right? Well, actually, there is a dragon circling overhead. And it has managed to burn up about a third of ArtScape’s funding in the form of government cutbacks.

Swenson named several sponsors, including the housing authority – who are in charge of finding the students, because one rule is that they have to be kids from housing projects.

“This is our last year to receive Housing Authority money,” Swenson said, due to federal budget cuts. “It’s about a third of our total budget. And I’m sure they’ll still be willing to help us in any way possible. It just won’t be money.”

She agreed, however, that it takes money to buy supplies and pay instructors.

“It really equals out to about $100 per week per child,” she said. “It costs about $800 to sponsor a camper for the entire summer.”

Their total budget, she said, runs about $70,000.

For that reason, Greater Augusta Arts Council Executive Director Brenda Durant will be providing interested grown-ups with tours of the camp every Friday except the very first. They have to find about $23,000 for next year’s program.

Above all else, ArtScape needs financial support. However, they also need supplies and volunteers to help in the classrooms.

Volunteers will be working June 2-Aug. 1. Camp will be closed 4th of July week, from June 30-July 4. The hours are 9 a.m. to 4 p.m. at Ursula Collins Elementary School, off 13th Street near Castleberry Foods. From July 21 through Aug. 1, camp will be held at May Park on Walton Way at Fourth Street. If you would like to give of your time or resources, or if you would simply like more information, give the Greater Augusta Arts Council a call at (706) 826-4702.

Cinema Movie Listings Anger Management (PG-13) — Af ter "assaulting" a stewardess on a flight, doofy Dave (Adam Sandler) is ordered by a cour t into anger therapy. That means bonding with Buddy (Jack Nicholson), anger management guru, and time with Buddy's pet circle of hair-trigger loons, including Luis Guzman as a gay par ty beast and John Tur turro as a rage-aholic called Chuck. Buddy and Dave get in each other's hair, play mean pranks on each other, trade frat-level penis jokes, run up to Boston, and return to New York, where both seem to have something going with Dave's girlfriend (Marisa Tomei). "Anger Management" is not bad enough to make you angry, because inevitably the cast cooks up some silly fun. Cast: Jack Nicholson, Adam Sandler, John Tur turro, Marisa Tomei, Luis Guzman, Woody Harrelson. Running time: 1 hr., 35 mins. (Elliot t) ★★ Basic (R) — John Travolta swaggers through this macho military thriller as Tom Hardy, an ex-Army wise guy hanging around Panama City. He is called in for some cover t investigating by the squishy base commander at the Canal Zone in Panama. A cruel and hated drill sergeant, West (Samuel L. Jackson), was killed on an insane jungle training exercise during a hurricane. There are more dead and wounded, and survivors reek of guilt. The plot pretzels like a Mobius strip on moonshine, repeating scenes from dif ferent "angles," each one a Cubist jag of revelation. If this humid hullabaloo made sense, it still wouldn't mat ter.

The finish is like the giddy reunion of a buddy club, as if the sequel might be a frat-boy comedy. Cast: John Travolta, Connie Nielsen, Samuel L. Jackson, Giovanni Ribisi, Taye Diggs, Roselyn Sanchez, Harry Connick Jr., Brian Van Holt. Running time: 1 hr., 38 mins.

(Elliot t) ★1/2 Bringing Down the House (PG-13) — Queen Latifah smoothly pockets "Bringing Down the House" as Charlene, a good-hear ted fugitive from the law, turning to a starchy, divorced ta x at torney for refuge

Paramount Pictures

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and suppor t. Steve Mar tin is the lawyer, Peter. The core idea of this very simple comedy is pure buzz of contrast: Latifah is abundantly, explosively black, while Mar tin may be the whitest man ever to star in movies.

Latifah rides out the nonsense in her queenly, Pearl Bailey style. It's a cookie-cut comedy. The movie delivers its very manufactured goods, but it lacks the guts to be a meaningful comedy. Cast: Steve Mar tin, Queen Latifah, Eugene Levy, Joan Plowright, Jean Smar t, Bet ty White. Running time: 1 hr., 45 mins. (Elliot t) ★★ Bruce Almighty (PG-13) — Jim Carrey is Bruce, the goofy features repor ter on a TV station in Buf falo.

He aspires to become a "serious" anchor, but af ter blowing his cool on the air, loses his job and has a rif t with his sweet, please-marry-me girlfriend (Jennifer Aniston). There cometh unto Buf falo the Almighty (Morgan Freeman). The Lord loans his powers to Bruce. Time for some payback, some wild stunts, some sexual dazzling of Aniston, some nudges of satire. Like Mel Brooks as Moses in "History of the World, Par t I," Carrey has climbed the comical Mount Sinai and, like Brooks, he has dropped a tablet on the way down. One of the pieces is "Bruce Almighty."

Cast: Jim Carrey, Morgan Freeman, Jennifer Aniston, Philip Baker Hall, Catherine Bell. Running time: 1 hr., 45 mins. (Elliot t) ★★ Bulletproof Monk (PG-13) — Pity poor Chow Yun-Fat. Af ter making a string of forget table movies such as "The Replacement Killers" and "Anna and the King," it appeared he had finally hit his stride with 2000's "Crouching Tiger, Hidden Dragon." His newest flick, "Bulletproof Monk," unfor tunately, is a major step backward. Chow stars as the "Monk With No Name" and is charged with protecting a scroll of unbelievable power. If the scroll falls into the wrong hands, it could mean the end of the world as we know it. And of course, the scroll is being pursued by Stern — a Nazi who wants to shape the world in his image. All of this,

“Italian Job”

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“Wrong Turn”

of course, leads to a final showdown between the Monk and the Nazi. If you have to ask who'll win, then you haven't seen too many of these so-called action films. Cast: Chow Yun-Fat, Seann William Scot t, Jaime King, Karel Roden, Victoria Smur fit. Running time: 1 hr., 44 mins. ★★ Confidence (R) — Jake Vig (Ed Burns) heads a crack team of scamsters who are also his buddies.

One is killed when a scam goes wrong, money having been taken from someone they did not know was an underling of a deadly, hyper sociopath called the King (Dustin Hof fman). Mostly we get cocky, trim-cut Burns and grif ter chums Brian Van Holt and Paul Giamat ti and corrupt L.A. cops (Luis Guzman, Donal Logue), all pulling a bank scam to pay back the King.

This ship leaks, and it sinks if you have experienced Mamet's "House of Games," Claude Chabrol's "The Swindle," Fabian Bielinsky's "Nine Queens" or Stephen Frears' "The Grif ters." Those scam par ties could have conned "Confidence" into a whimpering corner. Cast: Ed Burns, Dustin Hof fman, Rachel Weisz, Paul Giamat ti, Andy Garcia, Luis Guzman, Brian Van Holt.

Running time: 1 hr., 38 mins. (Elliot t) ★★ Daddy Day Care (PG) — Looking very much like the engorged warm-up for a future TV sitcom, "Daddy Day Care" stars Eddie Murphy and Jef f Garlin as cereal company promo men who lose their jobs, then star t a home day-care facility. There is an absurdly snooty villain (Anjelica Huston), owner of a posh day-care school. The kids are central casting darlings. The movie, which has a stern warning against sugar-based cereals, is sugared cereal. Cast: Eddie Murphy, Anjelica Huston, Jef f Garlin, Steve Zahn, Regina King.

Running time: 1 hr., 35 mins. (Elliot t) ★★ Down With Love (PG-13) — is a fizzy, but also grinding comedy done as pious homage to the Ike/JFK-era stuf f starring Rock Hudson and Doris Day. It's a theme park of mar tinis and smokes, with nods to "Pillow Talk," Kennedy and Ed Sullivan, "bold" (for '62) sex talk, and a brash, but cupcakey heroine — the film seems intended for women who want a feminized (but only falsely feminist) Rat Pack picture. Renee Zellweger is Barbara, a per t lassie from Maine who storms New York with her book, "Down With Love," a ditzy manifesto for women to liberate themselves by opting for chocolates and "a la car te sex." But Barbara is really just angling for her dream wolf, the magazine hotshot and "man about town" Catcher Block (Ewan McGregor). What's so tiring about "Down With Love" is that it feels pointless. Cast: Renee Zellweger, Ewan McGregor, Sarah Paulson, David Hyde Pierce, Tony Randall. Running time: 1 hr., 36 mins. (Elliot t) ★★ Final Destination 2 (R) — As in the first movie, a group of teen-agers manages to cheat death. But death, unsatisfied with the teens’ getaway, pursues in a myriad of disturbing ways. Kimberly, driving a group of friends to Florida, has a premonition that helps them avoid being caught in a fatal freeway pileup. Death has other plans. Cast: Ali Lar ter, A.J. Cook, Michael Landes, T.C. Carson, Jonathan Cherry, James Kirk, Tony Todd.

Finding Nemo (G) — is Disney/Pixar’s latest computer-animated of fering. It’s the story of a small clown fish, Nemo, who is separated from his overprotective father Marlin. Nemo is plucked from the waters of f the Great Barrier Reef and ends up in a tank decorating a dentist’s of fice in Sydney. Marlin is on a quest

★★★— Worthy.

★★ — Mixed.

★ — Poor.

to rescue his son, and sets out to find him, accompanied by a forget ful fish named Dory. Nemo, meanwhile, is helping his new school of friends plot to escape the fish tank. Cast: Alber t Brooks, Alexander Gould, Ellen DeGeneres, Willem Dafoe, Allison Janney, Geof frey Rush.

Gangs of New York (R) — Mar tin Scorsese's film is not a bore and is never less than a show, but it feels like having obscure history lessons hammered into your skull. Filmed with potboiler instincts, this pungent flux of pre-glam New York centers on the rather my thic precinct of crime called the Five Points.

The plot, a slender bone in an obese production, involves the arrival of the Irish in New York City in 1846 and af ter. They face the prejudice of a nativist gang of thugs, allied with young Tammany Hall. Cast: Leonardo DiCaprio, Daniel Day-Lewis, Cameron Diaz, Jim Broadbent, Henry Thomas, Liam Neeson, Brendan Gleeson. 2 hrs., 40 mins. (Elliot t) ★★1/2 Head of State (PG-13) — “Head of State” marks the directorial debut of comic Chris Rock, who also co-wrote the screenplay. He stars as an unlikely presidential candidate, a down-on-his-luck government employee about to lose his job. Thrust into presidential candidacy by his par ty when the par ty’s original presidential nominee unexpectedly dies, Rock appeals to the country’s par ty vein to try and win the election.

Bernie Mac stars as his brother and running mate.

Cast: Chris Rock, Bernie Mac, Dylan Baker, Tamala Jones, Robin Givens.

Holes (PG) — Adapted by Louis Sachar from his highly successful novel, "Holes" has a thick shellac of literary fidelity — Sachar trying to tuck his book elements into one of the quirkiest movies Disney has ever released. "Holes" is mostly set in a juvenile detention camp in the deser t. Teen boys are made to dig big holes to find a legendary Old West crime treasure, coveted by the whip-voiced warden (Sigourney Weaver), her yokel henchman called Mr. Sir (Jon Voight) and their prissy assistant (Tim Blake Nelson).

The new boy on the digging detail is Stanley Yelnats.

Director Andrew Davis, so sure with the tensions of "Under Siege" and "The Fugitive," is amiably sweating this assignment. His tone veers of f on fishing expeditions, sly humor and pathos casting their baited lines nex t to teen terror and prat falling hokum. My kids liked it somewhat more than I did, which probably sums up the movie about as well as any thing should. Cast: Jon Voight, Sigourney Weaver, Shia LaBeouf, Khleo Thomas, Tim Blake Nelson, Henry Winkler, Ear tha Kit t. Running time: 1 hr., 51 mins. ★★1/2

How To Lose a Guy in 10 Days (PG-13) —

should be retitled "How to Lose a Movie in 10 Minutes." The spirited opening credits are a clever visual and musical introduction to Andie Anderson (Kate Hudson) as she dashes and fumbles though research for "how-to" ar ticles published in a glitzy women's magazine. But all promise evaporates when the lame dialogue begins. Andie is destined to meet Mat thew McConaughey's womanizing adver tising executive, Ben Barry, whose major goal is snagging the world's biggest diamond account. These two upand-coming New York hot ties bump along through the contrived plot, which involves Andie's "how to lose a guy" assignment and Ben's bet with competing coworkers that he can make a woman fall in love with him — all in the same 10-day deadline. The teasers for

0— Not worthy.

38 “Bruce Almighty”

“The Lizzie McGuire Movie”

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continued from page 37 "10 Days" tout: "One of them is lying. So is the other."

Ah, yes, the per fect date movie. Cast: Kate Hudson, Mat thew McConaughey, Adam Goldberg, Bebe Neuwir th. Running time: 1 hr., 50 mins. (Wood) ★1/2 Identity (R) — Plot disposables converge at a Nevada motel in this "thriller," victims of bad luck, ripe for grotesque ends: Rebecca DeMornay as a snippy actress, John C. Ginley as a nerd husband, John Hawkes as a motel geek, Amanda Peet as a prostitute, Clea DuVall as a bride who keeps screaming, Jake Busey as a killer psycho, Ray Liot ta as a cop who may be a psycho, John Cusack as ex-cop and possible psycho, Bret t Loehr as a witnessing child who should, by the end, be psychotic. This soggy pulp has rain on the brain even worse than "Basic." Running time: 1 hr., 27 mins. (Elliot t) 0 The In-Laws (PG-13) — is a remake of the fairly funny 1979 film of the same title. Peter Falk starred as a casually insane CIA agent who involves a wiredtight, shriekingly reluctant dentist (Alan Arkin), whose daughter is to marry Falk's son, in an escalating series of sub-rosa intrigues. The 2003 version of fers Michael Douglas in the Falk role and Alber t Brooks in the Arkin role, this time playing a podiatrist. They measure up for a while and there are a few fine moments and wellearned laughs. Still, the thing winds down rather than spinning out into sheer zaniness, which is the only logical path to take. Cast: Michael Douglas, Alber t Brooks, David Suchet, Robin Tunney. Running time: 1 hr., 38 mins. (Salm) ★★ The Italian Job (PG-13) — Skilled thief Charlie Croker pulls of f an amazingly large gold bullion heist in Venice, Italy. Af ter that, he discovers that one of his gang turns out to be a backstabber. A beautiful safecracker, Stella, joins up with the crew and they all follow the traitor to Los Angeles, where they plan to steal back the gold. It’s an update of the 1969 film of the same name. Cast: Mark Wahlberg, Charlize Theron, Edward Nor ton, Mos Def, Seth Green.

Kangaroo Jack (PG) — Two childhood friends, Charlie (Jerry O'Connell) and Louis (Anthony

Anderson), from Brooklyn are forced to deliver a mysterious envelope to Australia af ter one of them accidentally causes the police to raid a mob warehouse.

En route to the land down under, Louis peeks in the package and discovers that it contains $50,000. Af ter the guys arrive in the Outback, they accidentally run over a kangaroo. Louis decides to take pictures of the animal and even puts shades and his lucky jacket on the 'roo, which is only stunned and hops away with the jacket containing the money. Now the guys are forced to chase the animal through the Outback, or they'll have to repay the mob with their lives. The real star of "Kangaroo Jack" is the beautiful Outback. That alone may be wor th the price of admission. Or not.

Cast: Jerry O'Connell, Anthony Anderson, Estella Warren, Christopher Walken, Dyan Cannon, Mar ton Csokas. Running time: 1 hr., 30 mins. (McCormick) ★ The Lizzie McGuire Movie (PG) — is something between taf fy, tapioca and a gold brick smoothly entering the Disney vault. It stars Hilary Duf f, 15, the lit tle Houston gal made a household name by the Disney Channel's "Lizzie McGuire" show. The movie takes Lizzie to Rome, where she soon splits of f from her school tour to be shown the city by dreamboat Paolo (Yani Gellman). He's half of a bubble-gum Europop duo, the female half being gone for reasons that are stupid. Lizzie is her look-alike, and gamely subs for her at appearances, even a concer t at the antique Colosseum. The city looks grand as ever, Lizzie smiles splendidly, Paolo gets a bum exit. His dreamboat sinks, but Rome, being old and wise, does not weep.

Cast: Hilary Duf f, Adam Lamberg, Alex Borstein, Yani Gellman. Running time: 1 hr., 30 mins. (Elliot t) ★★

Lord of the Rings: The Two Towers (PG13) — Long, violent, death-fixated, dark in tone,

heavy in heroic mood, this is a film for addicts of the series. Lit tle Frodo is marginalized as Viggo Mor tensen leads the defense of a castle from hordes of vicious scumballs, and the two grand beards (Ian McKellan, Christopher Lee) contend for Middle Ear th.

There's a lit tle schizo in a wispy loincloth, expressively per formed and voiced, but the almost Stone Age my thology rolls over us like layers of geology. 3 hrs.

(Elliot t) ★★

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rad” Gluckman ain’t no Eminem. He’s Malibu’s worst rapper, a rich white boy who thinks he has the nuances of the hip-hop lifestyle down pat. Nothing could be fur ther from the truth, and when B-rad’s embarrassing antics creep into his father’s campaign for governor of California, the family decides that some tough love might be in order. Cast: Jamie Kennedy, Blair Underwood, Ryan O’Neal, Taye Diggs.

The Matrix: Reloaded (R) — Keanu Reeves is back as Neo, empowered hero. He’s also a savior of the human race that was inside the cybernetic Matrix, enslaved as "cat tle," but has now fled to a life in an underground city. A blur of sci-fi and head comix cliches and "1984" gone 2003, the movie is overwhelmingly designed, but underwhelmingly imagined.

There is the Matrix and the Oracle and the Keymaker and the Architect. Humor is kept minimal, as that could pop the gas balloon. The packaging is cosmic, success inevitable. Success feeds success. "The Matrix Revolutions" is set for Nov. 7. Time for Harry Pot ter and Frodo Baggins to join forces and get mad.

Cast: Keanu Reeves, Laurence Fishburne, Carrie-Anne Moss, Hugo Weaving, Jada Pinket t Smith. Running time: 2 hrs., 18 mins. (Elliot t) ★★ National Security (PG-13) — Mar tin Lawrence and Steve Zahn play L.A.P.D. rejects on both ends of the spectrum who get paired up as security guards.

While on par tol, they uncover a smuggling operation, in between bits of slapstick that are obligatory for films of this genre. Cast: Mar tin Lawrence, Steve Zahn, Eric Rober ts.

What a Girl Wants (PG) — Amanda Bynes hugs and smooches the camera as Daphne Reynolds.

Daughter of New York sof t-rock singer Libby (Kelly Preston), she is also the daughter of the very rich and now political Lord Henry Dashwood (Colin Fir th), a British cutie and "future prime minister!" Henry is a bit guilty about split ting with Libby long before. His Moroccan Bedouin wedding with Libby evidently doesn't impede his coming marriage to the militantly upscaling Glynnis (Anna Chancellor). Her snob daughter (Christina Cole) is eager to hate Daphne with blis-

tering superiority. Never intimidated, Daphne dashes to the Dashwood estate in London, where her spunky American adorableness can wreck wedding plans and a lof ty chandelier, yet also make a par ty "rock." Cast: Amanda Bynes, Colin Fir th, Kelly Preston, Jonathan Pryce, Eileen Atkins. Running time: 1 hr., 40 mins.

(Elliot t) ★★ Wrong Turn (R) — Bad luck befalls Chris (Desmond Harrington) when he sets out on a threehour tour to Raleigh for a job interview. He’s barely star ted down the freeway when an accident up ahead halts traf fic. Taking a windy and isolated dir t road to get around the jam, Chris doesn’t see the SUV full of teens that is stopped in the middle of the road, tires mysteriously blown out. Investigating the accident scene, the group finds a strand of barbed wire stretched across the road — could it be a trap? Cast: Eliza Dushku, Desmond Harrington, Jeremy Sisto, Emmanuelle Chriqui, Lindy Booth. Running time: 1 hr., 50 mins.

X2 (PG-13) — At the hub is the dutiful sequel section, laboring to ex tend the fantasy of a human world infiltrated by power ful, feared mutants, which the 2000 film transplanted from its comic-book roots.

Then there is the ef fects section, each mutant get ting a chance to show his/her powers. There is the senior section of power ful old men, the creepy wizard Magneto (Ian McKellen) maintaining a duel of Elite British Accents with the paranormal seer Xavier (Patrick Stewar t). And the "check 'em out" section for new or aspiring stars (Hugh Jackman, Halle Berry, Anna Paquin, Kelly Hu, Rebecca Romijn-Stamos, Aaron Stanford). "X2" seems to have been made by and for people who constantly switch between "Star Trek" episodes and James Bond reruns, while hoping for some Hannibal Lecter. Cast: Patrick Stewar t, Hugh Jackman, Ian McKellen, Halle Berry, Brian Cox, Alan Cumming, Famke Janssen, Anna Paquin. Running time: 2 hrs., 5 mins. (Elliot t) ★1/2 —Capsules compiled from movie reviews written by David Elliott, film critic for The San Diego Union-Tribune and other staff writers.

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Cinema: Review

Remake of “The In-Laws” Falls Flat

By Arthur Salm

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t’s a tough call: When does inspired lunacy become enervated silliness? At what point does ingenious slapstick devolve into pointless small-scale mayhem?

“The In-Laws” is a remake of the fairly funny 1979 film of the same title.

Peter Falk starred as a casually insane CIA agent who involves a wired-tight, shriekingly reluctant dentist (Alan Arkin), whose daughter is to marry Falk’s son, in an escalating series of sub-rosa intrigues, culminating in a trip to Central America and a dictator who speaks through a hand puppet.

The 2003 version offers Michael Douglas in the Falk role and, going on the as-yet unproven premise that feet are funnier than teeth, Albert Brooks as a straight-arrow podiatrist. The look is slicker and the agent more high-tech, and Douglas and Brooks measure up for a while. But screenwriters Nat Mauldin and Ed Solomon, and director Andrew Fleming, miscalculate badly by putting the best stuff up front. This kind of movie can only go the distance by escalating the goofiness — see “hand puppet,” above — and “The In-Laws” 2003 winds up with nothing better to do than to have a big wave soak a wedding party.

Too, the remake falters in its supporting characters. The original wisely played down the bride and groom because it knew that no one in a movie with fathers-in-law-to-be forced to deal

with a dictator talking through a hand puppet — sorry, but after almost 25 years, it’s still funny — no one cares about the bride and groom.

The new film gives the young lovers some emotional depth, about which, predictably, we don’t give a hoot; if you listen carefully when either of them is on screen, you can hear the laughing gas leaking out of the whole contraption. And the replacement for the dictator (Richard Libertini; he still deserves a credit) is an international arms dealer (David Suchet) with an effeminate bent who gets a crush on the Brooks character. Gay jokes?

There are a few fine moments and well-earned laughs. As they are escorted through the arms dealer’s French estate by assault-weapon-toting thugs, for example, our terrified podiatrist mutters to his daughter’s CIA in-law-to-be, “I see a lot of guns,” to which Douglas airily replies, “Did you ever think it’s because you want to see a lot of guns? I see beautiful women, blue skies ... ” Robin Tunney, as Douglas’ serene and savvy sidekick, provides some snap — as does Candice Bergen as Douglas’ exwife, whose conversion to Buddhism has done little to take the edge off her hilariously raw, vicious nature.

Still, the thing winds down rather than spinning out into sheer zaniness, which is the only logical path to take. The big wet finale could have used a hand puppet.

Arts Community Wants Sales Tax Support Story on page 14

Cinema: Review

“Finding Nemo” More Than Cute Kiddie Cartoon

By Rachel Deahl

A

fter solving the untold mysteries of our toys – how they always seemed to shift positions in our absence – those lovable eggheads at Pixar have moved on to conquer one of the other great enigmas of our time: what those creatures in the fish tank are actually thinking. The young animation studio behind the affectionately brilliant “Toy Story” films and less winning, but enjoyable fare like “Monsters Inc.” tops all previous efforts with their latest aquatic odyssey, “Finding Nemo.” A delightful, and at points, hilarious tale that chronicles the pains of parenthood and adolescence, this sweet fable set under the sea will entertain the kids while unquestionably winning over the adults.

Albert Brooks stars vocally as an overprotective clown fish whose only son, Nemo, is about to start school. After losing his 100-plus offspring (and wife) to a predatory creature of the sea, Marlin (Brooks) keeps an-all-too-tight leash on his only egg to survive the slaughter. Of course the prodigal son, sweet as he is, longs to free himself of his father’s watchful eye and, in an act of defiance, gets caught by fishermen. Carted off to a dentist office fish tank in Sydney, young Nemo meets a sweet group of fellow captives while his father embarks on a wild adventure in the sea to save him.

Split between its two storylines – in the sea and the dentist’s office – “Finding Nemo” captures that same quirky, irreverent humor that made “Toy Story” such a surprisingly smart film.

And, much like “Toy Story,” what “Finding Nemo” does best is capture the idiocy of those other dumb creatures on this planet, human beings.

In the tank scenes, Nemo finds a new

surrogate family with the motley crew of sea creatures who have also been marooned there. Comforted by, among others, a funny blowfish (Brad Garrett), a maternal starfish (Allison Janney) and a defiant, war-weary, patriarchal fish from the sea (Willem Dafoe), Nemo is immediately welcomed into his new home.

Led by Gill (Dafoe), Nemo is fed theories and stories about escaping back to the sea. And, with his long scar and deep voice, Gill quickly convinces Nemo to become an essential component in the tank’s latest attempt at freedom.

Back in the sea, Marlin endures a series of uncharacteristically daring adventures in order to find Nemo, as he narrowly escapes a band of sharks (who are in a support group to clean up their image and avoid eating fish) and hitches a ride with a group of stoner-dude sea turtles.

Accompanied by a quirky blue fish with no short-term memory named Dory (Ellen Degeneres), Marlin and his unlikely companion head for Sydney after deciphering an address off the goggles which fall from the boat that steals Nemo.

Delightful for Ellen Degeneres’ hilarious banter alone, in which the adorable Dory constantly repeating things and forgets who her companion is and why she’s following him, “Finding Nemo” is a witty and epic adventure packed in unlikely wrapping. With its perfectly cast stable of voices, from the father figure that Dafoe embodies to the nebbishy clown fish (who can’t even tell a good joke) that Brooks plays, the casting is impeccably done … especially for a cartoons. The stunning animation matched with the brilliant storytelling make “Finding Nemo” much more than just another cute cartoon for kids.

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2 9

42 M E T R O S P I R I T M A Y

Covenant Presbyterian Church “ THERE’S SOMETHING FOR EVERYONE”

Sunday Services

8:30 am Communion 9:45am Church School 11:00am Worship Service

Wednesday Night Fellowship 5:45pm

2 9 2 0 0 3

MOVIE CLOCK

Nursery provided for all church events Rev. Rob Watkins, Pastor 3131 Walton Way (Corner of Walton Way & Aumond Rd) 733-0513 A PC (USA) Congregation

REGAL AUGUSTA EXCHANGE 20 Show times for Regal Augusta Exchange 20 were not available at press time. Visit w w w.metspirit.com for show times as they become available.

EVANS 12 CINEMAS Movies Good 5/30 - 6/5 The Italian Job (PG-13) 2:00, 4:15, 7:25, 9:40 Wrong Turn (R) 1:35, 3:35, 5:35, 7:35, 9:35 Finding Nemo (G) 12:00, 12:45, 2:30, 3:15, 5:00, 5:45, 7:15, 8:00, 9:30, 10:15 The In-Laws (PG-13) 12:40, 2:45, 4:50, 7:10, 9:20 Bruce Almighty (PG-13) 12:10, 12:55, 2:15, 3:00, 4:30, 5:15, 7:00, 7:45, 9:15, 9:55 The Matrix: Reloaded (R) 12:30, 1:45, 3:30, 4:45, 6:30, 8:15, 9:25 Daddy Day Care (PG) 1:05, 3:20, 5:30, 7:40, 9:50 The Lizzie McGuire Movie (PG) 12:20, 5:10, 9:45 X2 (PG-13) 1:00, 4:00, 7:05, 9:45 Holes (PG) 2:20, 7:20 MASTERS 7 CINEMAS Movies Good 5/30 - 6/5 The Italian Job (PG-13) 12:15, 2:45, 5:15, 7:30, 9:45 Finding Nemo (G) 12:00, 2:30, 5:00, 7:15, 9:30

The In-Laws (PG-13) 12:20, 3:00, 5:20, 7:05, 9:50 Bruce Almighty (PG-13) 12:30, 2:40, 4:50, 7:15, 9:25 Matrix: Reloaded (R) 1:00, 4:00, 6:55, 9:40 Daddy Daycare (PG) 12:10, 2:20, 5:25, 7:25, 9:35 X2 (PG-13) 1:15, 4:15, 7:00, 9:35 REGAL 12 CINEMAS Movies Good 5/30 - 6/5 Bulletproof Monk (PG-13) 1:15, 3:20, 5:25, 7:35, 9:55 Head of State (PG-13) 1:05, 3:15, 5:20, 7:15, 9:30 Basic (R) 12:55, 2:55, 4:55, 7:10, 9:25 Gangs of New York (R) 12:45, 4:35, 7:55 How To Lose a Guy in 10 Days (PG-13) 1:35, 4:45, 7:05, 9:35 What a Girl Wants (PG) 1:15, 3:25, 5:30, 7:40, 9:50 Bringing Down the House (PG-13) 12:55, 3:05, 5:15, 7:30, 9:55 A Man Apart (R) 1:25, 4:40, 7:00, 9:20 National Security (PG-13) 12:50, 3:00, 5:05, 7:20, 9:30 Lord of the Rings: The Two Towers (PG-13) 1:00, 4:30, 7:50 Kangaroo Jack (PG) 1:20, 3:20, 5:25, 7:45, 9:45 Final Destination 2 (R) 1:10, 3:10, 5:10, 7:25, 9:40

Movie listings are subject to change without notice.

LEARN, GROW, BECOME… …acquire the knowledge and skills that lead to more productive and satisfying lives...

Special Events JUNE CALENDAR June 1, 8, 15, 22, 29

JUNE JAZZ CANDLELIGHT CONCERT SERIES

COURSES STARTING SOON!

JUNE 1FEATURING WYCLIFFE GORDON

Eighth Street Bulkhead • 8-9:30pm • Admission $5 Get a little R&R before the work week begins. Bring blankets, picnic baskets & chairs to enjoy soothing jazz.

June 5, 12, 19, 26

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NOW!

DOWNTOWN LUNCH DATE CONTINUES Augusta Common • 12-2:30pm Bring your own lunch or eat with a featured restaurant while listening to local musicians.

June 13, 20, 27

FRIDAY EVENING THEATER Augusta Common • 7pm • Admission $1 per person, 5 & under free Bring blankets, lawn chairs, grab some popcorn and enjoy a night of family fun.

Entertainment starts at 7pm, followed by a new movie each week at 7:45pm.

June 14, 28

SATURDAY NIGHT CONTINUES

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Kaplan MCAT Review Medical Billing: Basic Reimbursement Medical Terminology with Basic Anatomy and Physiology Online Courses* QuarkXpress Spanish - Level 1 Stained Glass Tai Chi I

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Drivers' Education Easy Immersion into Spanish for grades 9-12 Get Ready for Algebra 1 Ice Skating Camp Music Conservatory Play & Learn Spanish for grades 6-8 SAT Review Courses

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For Kids who have completed Kindergarten-Grade 5 MORNING OR FULL DAY PROGRAM!

Eighth Street Plaza • 7-11pm • Admission Free Music, food and fun by Cotton Patch, Rio Bomba & The Big Easy Cafe.

Call 737-1636 to receive catalog or for more information check our website at www.ced.aug.edu Session 1 - June 2-13 Session 2 - June 16-27 Session 3 - July 7-11 Session 4 - July 14-18

For more information about these events or other events call 706-821-1754.

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Music

43 M E T R O S P I R I T

Billy Corgan Finds New Hope in Zwan

M A Y

By Karla Peterson

2 9 2 0 0 3

C

ome in, make yourself at home.

If Billy Corgan had issued that invitation during his volatile Smashing Pumpkins heyday, you might’ve had serious doubts about accepting. Who knew what evils lurked behind the doors of chez Corgan. Primalscream sessions? Ouija-board marathons?

Mandatory “Nosferatu” screenings?

Well, that’s all dark water under the bridge now, because Billy’s got a spankin’ new band and a shiny attitude to match.

Corgan has formed the guitar-happy, pop-conscious Zwan. And on Zwan’s debut album, “Mary Star of the Sea,” Corgan sings about faith, love and buttered toast, all without a trace of irony or a hint of that old caged-rat rage.

“Come in, make yourself at home,” Corgan murmurs in “Heartsong.” And before you know it, you are being swept into an enchanted cottage, where the host will give you a cup of sweet tea and tell you how he slayed the neighborhood dragon and saved his own heart.

Which is pretty much what Corgan did.

If Corgan’s story had a once upon a time, it would begin in the halcyon days of 1991, the watershed year that saw the release of Nirvana’s “Nevermind,” Pearl Jam’s “Ten,” Soundgarden’s “Badmotorfinger,” the first Pavement EP and the first Hole album.

That same year, singer-guitarist Corgan and the Chicago-based Pumpkins — guitarist James Iha, bassist D’Arcy Wretzky and drummer Jimmy Chamberlin — released their first album, a hipster-friendly mix of psychedelia and navel-gazing entitled “Gish.”

In 1993, the seeds sown by grunge and indie-rock blossomed in eye-popping profusion. That was the year Eddie Vedder made the cover of Time magazine. It was also the year of Nirvana’s “In Utero,” Pearl Jam’s “Vs.,” The Breeders’ “Last Splash,” Liz Phair’s “Exile in Guyville,” Belly’s “Star,” The Lemonheads’ “Come On, Feel The Lemonheads,” Alice in Chains’ “Jar of Flies” and Smashing Pumpkins’ “Siamese Dream.”

A heart-stopping blend of alternativerock vulnerability and classic-rock thunder, “Siamese Dream” struck a pop-culture power chord that reverberated in young souls and waiting cash registers.

On the strength of the singles “Disarm” and “Today,” the album went on to sell

more than four million copies in the United States alone.

Then came the “Behind the Music” portion of our story. In July 1996, the group’s touring keyboardist, Jonathan Melvoin, died of a heroin overdose and drummer Chamberlin was fired for his drug and alcohol problems. Two years later, the group released “Adore” to mixed reviews and a rather cold radio reaction.

Over the last decade, Corgan has seen his career stock rise and fall. He has watched his peers succumb to rock-star excess, and he has witnessed the slow crumbling of a brilliant music scene. At the height of the Pumpkins’ mid-‘90s success, Corgan was bellowing, “Despite all my rage / I am still just a rat in a cage.”

Ten years later, he’s got even more reasons to scream.

From its inspirational beginning to a sweet send-off that finds Corgan sighing, “Come with me again / Just come with me.” Zwan’s “Mary Star of the Sea” is a breath of fresh, sustaining air from a guy who should be on his last gasp. And in case you were wondering what in the world Billy has to be so happy about, it may just be the simple fact that he’s still here.

The musicians left standing had to deal with the challenges of growing up and moving on, and they are doing so with varying degrees of success.

Pearl Jam’s albums have become increasingly insular and cryptic, even as the band’s live shows retain their inclusive spirit. Nirvana’s Dave Grohl isn’t breaking any new ground with the Foo Fighters, but he sure is having fun. Rock-mom Liz Phair is constantly exploring new emotional territory, even if the masses aren’t following along. And Pavement’s Stephen Malkmus is sticking with the wily geekboy rock he knows will always suit him.

And then there’s Billy.

Always the most ambitious of the alternative darlings, he was also a likely candidate for a solo-career meltdown. After the Pumpkins broke up, fans feared the worst from Corgan. A double all-instrumental album, maybe. Or a home-studio epic that would never see the light of day.

Instead, Corgan went into the studio with Zwan, where he turned his love of big, chiming chords loose on the happiest songs he’s had a mind to write. And we got an album that is a joy to hear.

Corgan seems a million pounds lighter now, and on “Mary Star of the Sea,” he’s got the buoyant music to prove it.

That distinctive wounded-boy bray is still with us, and if you hated it before, you’ll probably hate it now. But with the bravura support of fellow guitarists Matt Sweeney and David Pajo, bassist Paz Lenchantin and old pal Chamberlin on drums, Corgan tries out a choir of new voices with a playfulness we didn’t know he had in him.

Thanks to his true-believer’s faith, healthy artistic ego and survivor’s grace, Corgan has the strength to shrug off the old baggage and pick up a brand new torch. And in “Mary Star of the Sea,” the shards of hope and optimism that glimmered in the Pumpkins’ most accessible tracks have become a steady beam of healing pop light.

“What’s a boy supposed to do?”

Corgan wondered in 1993’s “Disarm.”

Now we know.

44 M E T R O S P I R I T M A Y

Music: Band

WEDNESDAY, JUNE 4TH

Coyotes Calender Girl Competition Coyotes will begin their search for 12 ladies to grace the pages of their 2004 calendar. Ladies bring your bikini and your best eveningwear for a chance at $700 cash and a spot in the calendar.

Every week Coyotes will select a lady to represent a month in the 2004 calendar. At the end of the competition we will invite all the weekly winners back to compete for cover girl honors.

2 9

Hard Work Pays Off for Die Trying

By Lisa Jordan

COMING JUNE 19

2 0 0 3

The World Famous Chippendales!

That’s the least you can say about the work ethic of a band whose members wasted no time in ditching their last names, broke into a radio station to demand airplay and have been known to hijack – yes, hijack – gigs.

In town for a night of dinner and fun. Ladies tune into your favorite radio station for your chance to win a VIP party and dinner! The one group often imitated, but never duplicated. The Chippendales bring their show to new heights with an elevated stage so every lady in the house has a good view. The Chippendales Thursday, June 19th.

Doors open at 6:00. Show starts at 8:00.

“Where Variety Is The Spice of Life!”

Home of Rhes Reeves Band 2512 PEACH ORCHARD ROAD • 706-560-9245

AUGUSTA’S ONLY KARAOKE BAR! ~ OPEN 6 N IGHTS A WEEK ~ JOIN US FOR OUR NATIONAL KARAOKE CONTEST Wednesday - Women Thursday - Men 1st 12 weeks - Country & Western 2nd 12 weeks - Rock/Pop/ Rhythm & Blues/Soul/ Easy Listening

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Greene Streets Karaoke Bar

Corner of Greene & 11th Street • 823-2002 Mon-Fri 3pm-3am • Sat 6pm-2am

S

acramento, Calif., based band Die Trying certainly seems to live up to its name. And that’s the least you can say about the work ethic of a band whose members wasted no time in ditching their last names, broke into a radio station to demand airplay and have been known to hijack – yes, hijack – gigs.

Their June 7 play date at Crossroads, luckily, isn’t hijacked – it was booked fair and square, giving Augusta a chance to check out a young band on its way up. Recently signed to Island Records, Die Trying’s self-titled debut album hits store shelves on June 10, just three days after the Augusta show. The first single off the album, “Oxygen’s Gone,” has already been released and is getting airplay across the nation, particularly in the band’s home state. Die Trying is currently running the tour circuit, opening up for hot-band-of-themoment Evanescence. They’ve also opened for Papa Roach. In fact, it was Papa Roach member Jacoby Shaddix, also a longtime pal of Die Trying vocalist Jassen, who funded Die Trying’s first demo.

But the boys of Die Trying – Jassen, guitarist Jack, bassist Steve and drummer Matt – can attribute their success to no one but themselves. Practicing nearly every day, giving up girlfriends and becoming their own PR machine is what

landed Die Trying a record deal when they’d been together less than a year.

And, of course, there are the stunts they’ve been known to pull. Like busting into a local radio station and demanding airplay. It worked. There’s also that little trick of hijacking shows – arriving at another band’s show and convincing the promoters that they were an out-of-town opener already booked.

That worked, too.

It’s easy to see why, with a song like “Oxygen’s Gone.” It’s radio-friendly, momentum-driven rock. There’s a kind of ‘80s vibe cloaking the song that you can’t quite put your finger on. Maybe it’s because the pop-punk blend of “Oxygen’s Gone” takes you to a time and place when rock was just straightforward fun. Or maybe it’s just because some characteristics of the band’s admitted ‘80s-flavored influences, Pat Benatar and Elvis Costello, shine through.

You can check out the single for yourself at Die Trying’s official Web site, www.islandrecords.com/dietrying.

“Oxygen’s Gone” plays automatically when you enter the site (so all you guys surfing on company time – and you know who you are – consider yourselves warned). If you like what you hear, it won’t be too long until Die Trying’s guitars wail onstage at Crossroads. For more information on the show, call Crossroads at 724-1177.

MUSIC

BY TURNER

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rock featuring material from Zep’s great, early blueswailing years, as well as songs from their bombastic stadiumera shows when they regularly played for packed houses every night.

As is the norm, the hits (“Stairway to Heaven,” “Communication Breakdown,” etc.) are included, but it’s the versions of choice album tracks that draw the most attention. Versions of “Wearing and Tearing,” “In My Time of Dying,” “That’s the Way” and “Nobody’s Fault but Mine” are fine additions to the Zep canon that find the band reinventing their material in clever and innovative ways.

The songs have been remixed to 5.1 surround sound, a painstakingly slow process that took over six months to complete. It’s the closest some of us will ever get to the crazy rock and roll ‘70s when Messrs. Page, Plant, JONES and Bonham were giving birth to what now is called “heavy metal.” It’s just too bad that it took over a quarter of a century to finally “get the Led out.”

Turner’s Quick Notes STING’S next studio set has a title and a release date: “Sacred Love,” due Sept. 23 ... THE BLUE MAN GROUP returns to Atlanta Aug. 23 ... PINK FLOYD’S DAVID GILMOUR recently donated almost $6 million to help the homeless and needy in London ... JOHN MELLENCAMP’S covers-only disc, “Trouble No More” is out next week ...

Jazz guitarist PAT MATHENY’S “One Quiet Night” is out now ... A new JACO PASTORIOUS retrospective is in stores.

Turner’s Rock ‘n’ Roll Jeopardy A. The Ohio state Legislature named this ‘60s pop hit as the official state rock ‘n’ roll song.

Q. What is “Hang On Sloopy” from fellow Buckeyes The McCoys?

L

ive albums have always been hit-or-miss affairs.

On JAMES BROWN’S landmark 1963 “Live at the Apollo” album, the excitement is so irresistable that you feel like you’re up on the New York stage with the FAMOUS FLAMES. PETER FRAMPTON’S “Frampton Comes Alive” (the best-selling live album ever) gave the impression that everyone in the audience not only knew the songs but every word as well.

Frampton still makes hefty royalties from the set.

In 1976 LED ZEPPELIN finally gave their fans what they had been clamoring for since the band’s inception in 1969 — a live document of their legendary stage show, “The Song Remains the Same.”

Unfortunately, the two-disc set was a drug-and-alcohol-fueled mess rife with sloppy, out-of-tune mistakes.

Containing only nine songs, the album and its accompanying video was a joke.

It did little to satisfy their fans who wanted a more accurate representation of the band’s wild “take no prisoners” approach that helped the group develop into one of the most successful rock acts ever. It’s too bad that “The Song” does, in fact, remain the same, as the album is one of the most disappointing live sets in rock ‘n’ roll history.

As with jazz artists, Led Zeppelin enjoyed improvising on stage. Of course, having JOHN BONHAM behind the drum kit toying and experimenting with different tempos and feels usually meant that the band never played a song the same way twice. Sometimes the groove would be so strong that “Whole Lotta Love” would clock in at almost a half hour in length, especially when vocalist ROBERT PLANT added old blues songs or even obscure EDDIE COCHRAN numbers to the song’s middle.

For years JIMMY PAGE has wanted to restore Zep’s live legacy, but unfortunately the existing multi-track masters of unreleased footage were in horrible shape. Stored at Page’s home in London, the ‘70s-era Ampex tape used in recording these shows had to be baked in convection ovens for up to 60 hours just to render them usable. The tapes were then transferred to digital using the very popular Pro Tools (some refer to it as “slow tools”) software, and the quality is terrific.

The result is “The Led Zeppelin DVD” and its audio counterpart “How the West Was Won,” new and in stores this week. The DVD, culled from performances between 1969 and 1979, boasts five hours of raw and primal

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M E T R O S P I R I T M A Y 2 9 2 0 0 3

46 M E T R O S P I R I T M A Y 2 9 2 0 0 3

What Do I Know About Me? “I know I have options.”

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Avril Lavigne

A San Diego theatre group comprised of high school students has put together an original musical. That’s not so amusing. The subject matter, however, is. The musical is called “Sticky Fingers: A Tale of Saks, Lies and Videotape,” and it’s based on last year’s trial in which actress Winona Ryder was convicted of shoplifting from Saks Fifth Avenue in Beverly Hills. Teacher Larry Zeiger directs, plays piano, and yes, stars as Larry King in the production.

Yes, Another Drive-By Seven shots hit the offices of Suge Knight’s Tha Row Records early Tuesday morning in Los Angeles. No one was injured, and the police say there’s no indication of a motive, but Knight suspects the shots were fired by jealous boyfriends or husbands of girls who have been hanging around the studio for a glimpse of Tha Row artists.

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CLUB SUN

The Sk8er Boi is heading to the big screen. Paramount Pictures has announced plans to expand the Avril Lavigne hit into a full-blown movie, with David Zabel, writer and producer for television show “ER,” adapting the words into a screenplay about the social constraints that keep teen cliques apart.

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What Bill Wyman Is Up To It made us extremely anxious – even downright uneasy – to see Rolling Stones photo after Rolling Stones photo with only four people in them, and we often

wondered wistfully what Bill Wyman was up to. Well, recently, we discovered exactly what he’s doing – writing and making films. His latest is “Bill Wyman’s Blues Odyssey,” a documentary which accompanies a book collaboration with Richard Havers. In 1990, he released “Stone Alone,” a book of his memories with the Stones. Keep your eyes on this guy. He hasn’t exactly retired.

Scott Weiland and Guns ‘N’ Roses Collaboration Bears Fruit They may be called Reloaded or The Project, and may have a singer with plenty of legal problems, but darn it, they’ve released a single. Sort of. It’s going to be in the movie “The Italian Job,” which hits theaters May 30. You have to see the movie to hear the track, because it won’t be on the soundtrack CD. It’s a remake of Pink Floyd’s “Money.”

COMPILED BY RHONDA JONES & LISA JORDAN Information compiled from online and other music news sources.

THE FOX’S

Lair

RESTAURANT & BAR

Now Open at 3 pm Mon-Fri Sat at 5 until ::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::: Thurs :::: Karaoke Fri & Sat :::: Roger Enevoldsen

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Mon-Fri 7am-7pm • Sat 10am-6pm

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::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::: In the Basement of the DeLaigle House Inn B & B Victorian Village (Enter thru rear courtyard)

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706.828.5600

47

Night Life Rio Bomba - DJ Rodriguez Brothers Shannon’s - Roulet te Soul Bar - Soul*Bar*Sound*Lab Surrey Tavern - Cagle’s Choice Whiskey Junction - Wa x Bean

Sunday, 1st

Cafe Du Teau - The Last Bohemian Quar tet Cotton Patch - Wayne Capps Orange Moon - Live Reggae The Shack - Karaoke, Sasha’s Talent Show Somewhere in Augusta - John Kolbeck

Photo by Joe White

Monday, 2nd

Catch The Rhes Reeves Band every weekend at Coyote’s.

Thursday, 29th

The Bee’s Knees - The Sermon! Indie Rock for Films The Big Easy - Buzz Clif ford, George Sykes Cafe Du Teau - James McIntyre Club Argos - Karaoke Dance Par t y with DJ Joe Steel Coliseum - Karaoke, High-Energy Dance Continuum - Playa*Listic Thursday Coyote’s - The Rhes Reeves Band D. Timm’s - Joe Patchen and the Blue Diamond Express Fox’s Lair - Karaoke Greene Streets - Men’s Pop, Rock, Blues and Soul National Karaoke Contest Joe’s Underground - Ruskin Michael’s - Marilyn Adcock Modjeska - SKYNN with DJ Richie Rich Orange Moon - Open Mic Playground - Open Mic Night Red Lion - Paul Arrowood Soul Bar - The Pat Blanchard Band Stool Pigeons - Jayson and Michael Surrey Tavern - The Big Mighty Time Piecez - DJ Dance Par ty

Friday, 30th

Back Roads - DJ The Bee’s Knees - Reckless Nights and Turkish Twilights The Big Easy - Air Apparent Borders - Billy S. Cafe Du Teau - James McIntyre Club Argos - Spectral Erosa with DJ Triskyl, DJ NCODEDEAD, Claire Storm Coliseum - Natalie Dawn Continuum - El Diablo Ninos and Guests Cotton Patch - Black-Eyed Susan Coyote’s - The Rhes Reeves Band Crossroads - The Big Mighty, Par t-Time Heroes D. Timm’s - Joe Patchen and the Blue Diamond Express Durango’s - Magic Hat

Fox’s Lair - Roger Enevoldsen Greene Streets - Karaoke Joe’s Underground - Impulse Ride Last Call - Tony Howard, DJ Richie Rich The Lighthouse - Terry Lee and the GTs Michael’s - Marilyn Adcock Modjeska - DJ Boriqua Partridge Inn - Jazz Solstice with Anthony Carpenter Playground - John Kolbeck The Pourhouse - A Step Up Red Lion - The Joshua Tapestry Rio Bomba - DJ Rodriguez Brothers, Karaoke with Russ Schneider Shannon’s - Bar t Bell, Steve Chappell Soul Bar - Disco Hell Surrey Tavern - Cagle’s Choice Whiskey Junction - Wa x Bean

Saturday, 31st

Back Roads - DJ The Bee’s Knees - Shaun Piazza and Friends The Big Easy - Buzz Clif ford, George Sykes Borders - David Owen Cafe Du Teau - James McIntyre Club Argos - Argos Angels Cabaret with Petite, Claire and Sasha Coliseum - Juliana McVeigh Continuum - In the House with DJ Nick Snow Cotton Patch - E&L Productions Coyote’s - The Rhes Reeves Band Crossroads - Cycle, Bind D. Timm’s - Joe Patchen and the Blue Diamond Express Durango’s - Magic Hat Fox’s Lair - Roger Enevoldsen Greene Streets - Karaoke Joe’s Underground - Sabo and the Scorchers Last Call - Tony Howard, DJ Richie Rich Metro Coffeehouse - Live Af ternoon Bluegrass Michael’s - Marilyn Adcock Modjeska - DJ Kenny Ray Partridge Inn - Sandy B. and the All-Stars The Pourhouse - A Step Up Red Lion - The Inhibitors

Coliseum - Q.A.F. Continuum - Monday Madness Crossroads - Club Sin Dance Par ty with DJ Chris Greene Streets - Karaoke Joe’s Underground - Keith “Fossill” Gregory Surrey Tavern - The John Kolbeck Experience

Tuesday, 3rd

Adams Nightclub - Karaoke with Bill Tolber t The Bee’s Knees - 12 Tone Lounge Coliseum - Tournament Tuesday D. Timm’s - Joe Patchen and the Blue Diamond Express Greene Streets - Karaoke Highlander - Open Mic Night Joe’s Underground - Keith “Fossill” Gregory Metro Coffeehouse - Irish Night with Sibin Michael’s - Marilyn Adcock Stool Pigeons - Karaoke with Linda Eubanks Surrey Tavern - Tuesday Night Jam Session

Wednesday, 4th

The Bee’s Knees - Mellow Sounds Supperclub Coliseum - Wet ‘n’ Wild Talent Search Continuum - Open Mic Jam Sessions Coyote’s - The Rhes Reeves Band D. Timm’s - Joe Patchen and the Blue Diamond Express

M E T R O S P I R I T

Greene Streets - Women’s Pop, Rock, Blues and Soul National Karaoke Contest Joe’s Underground - Mike Baideme Michael’s - Marilyn Adcock Playground - Karaoke with Mike and Scot t The Shack - Karaoke Somewhere in Augusta - Brandon Bower Soul Bar - Live Jazz Surrey Tavern - John Kolbeck

Upcoming

Zoso - Crossroads - June 6 Die Trying - Crossroads - June 7 Swingin’ Medallions - Last Call - June 11 The Lady Chablis - Club Argos - June 13 Mr. Club Argos - Club Argos - June 20 The Kevn Kinney Band - Soul Bar - June 21 Ashanti, Mr. Cheeks - For t Gordon - June 27 Caitlin Carey - Crossroads - June 28 The Kitty Snyder Band - Soul Bar - June 28 Stewart and Winfield - Last Call - July 3 John Michael Montgomery - Lake Olmstead Stadium - July 4 Mr. Georgia U.S.A. - Club Argos - July 4 Finger 11, Echo 7 - Crossroads - July 9

Elsewhere

Pretty Girls Make Graves - Masquerade, Atlanta - May 29 The Wailers - Variety Playhouse, Atlanta - May 29 Shaggy, Arrested Development, Jason Mraz, Jennifer Love Hewitt - Centennial Olympic Park, Atlanta - May 30 Clay Cook - Eddie’s At tic, Decatur, Ga. - May 30 Acoustic Syndicate - Cot ton Club, Atlanta May 30 Sugarland - Variety Playhouse, Atlanta - May 31 Reckless Kelly - Smith’s Olde Bar, Atanta May 31 James Taylor - Chastain Park Amphitheatre, Atlanta - June 2-3 Fleetwood Mac - Philips Arena, Atlanta - June 3 Ash - Echo Lounge, Atlanta - June 3

A Step Up plays The Pourhouse May 30 and 31.

continued on page 48

M A Y 2 9 2 0 0 3

M A Y 2 9 2 0 0 3

Many tickets are available through TicketMaster outlets, by calling 828-7700, or online at w w w.ticketmaster.com. Tickets may also be available through Tix Online by calling 278-4TIX or online at w w w.tixonline.com. Night Life listings are subject to change without notice.

Deadline for inclusion in Night Life calendar is Tuesday at 4 p.m. Contact Rhonda Jones or Lisa Jordan by calling 738-1142, fa xing 736-0443 or e-mailing to rhonda_jones@metspirit.com or lisa_jordan@metspirit.com.

It’s time once again for Spectral Erosa. Join DJ Triskyl (pictured), DJ NCODEDEAD and Claire Storm Friday night at Club Argos.

thurs - THE BIG MIGHTY

Surrey Tavern

mon - JOHN KOLBECK EXPERIENCE

K O L B E C K

S P I R I T

Atlanta - June 21 Heart - Chastain Park Amphitheatre, Atlanta June 22 Aretha Franklin - Chastain Park Amphitheatre, Atlanta - June 24 Boston - Chastain Park Amphitheatre, Atlanta June 29 Sugar Ray, Matchbox Twenty - Philips Arena, Atlanta - June 29 Camel - Variety Playhouse, Atlanta - July 1 Brenda Lee, Nitty Gritty Dirt Band - Georgia Mountain Fair, Hiawassee, Ga. - July 5 Better Than Ezra, Lifehouse, Ingram Hill, The Robert Barnes Band - Centennial Olympic Park, Atlanta - July 11 The Fall - Echo Lounge, Atlanta - July 12 Robert Bradley’s Black water Surprise, Mieka Pauley - Centennial Olympic Park, Atlanta July 18 Everclear, Maroon 5, Kill Hannah - Centennial Olympic Park, Atlanta - July 25 Nickel Creek, Frank y Perez, Antigone Rising Centennial Olympic Park, Atlanta - Aug. 1 Hootie and the Blowfish, Tonic, The Clarks, Bain Mattox - Centennial Olympic Park, Atlanta Aug. 8 George Clinton and Parliament/Funkadelic, North Mississippi All-Stars, Kevn Kinney Band - Centennial Olympic Park, Atlanta - Aug. 15

fri & sat 471 Highland Ave. | 736-1221 Open Mon-Sat at 4 pm until tues -

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M E T R O

Garage A Trois - Variety Playhouse, Atlanta June 5 David Lee Roth - Chastain Park Amphitheatre, Atlanta - June 6 Film, Jet - Echo Lounge, Atlanta - June 6 Third Day, Sk y Dog, Pete Schmidt - Centennial Olympic Park, Atlanta - June 6 Dustin Diamond - Funny Farm, Atlanta June 6-7 Charlie Daniels, Chris Cagle - Georgia Mountain Fair, Hiawassee, Ga. - June 7 Dan Fogelberg - Chastain Park Amphitheatre, Atlanta - June 8 Red Hot Chili Peppers, Snoop Dogg - HiFi Buys Amphitheatre, Atlanta - June 8 Branford Marsalis - Botanical Garden, Atlanta June 11 Santana - HiFi Buys Amphitheatre, Atlanta June 11 Neil Young and Crazy Horse, Lucinda Williams - Chastain Park Amphitheatre, Atlanta - June 11 Ambrosia - Wills Equestrian Park, Atlanta June 12 Blues Traveler, Will Hoge, Drive-By Truckers, Shurman, New Blood Revival - Centennial Olympic Park, Atlanta - June 13 Mary Prankster - The Earl, Atlanta - June 14 Olivia New ton-John - Chastain Park Amphitheatre, Atlanta - June 15 !!!, Outhud - Echo Lounge, Atlanta - June 15 Scott Miller - Smith’s Olde Bar, Atlanta - June 15 Peter Gabriel - Chastain Park Amphitheatre, Atlanta - June 16 AthFest - Various Venues, Athens, Ga. - June 19-22 Alabama - Philips Arena, Atlanta - June 20 Delbert McClinton - Variety Playhouse, Atlanta June 21 Johnny Mathis - Chastain Park Amphitheatre,

E X P E R I E N C E

48 continued from page 47

49 M E T R O S P I R I T M A Y 2 9 2 0 0 3

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News of the

Weird T

he prime minister of Latvia, Einars Repse, announced in January the formation of an anti“absurdity” bureau to deal with the government’s excessive “foolishness” and lack of order and the “laziness” of civil servants. The agency, according to a newspaper in the capital of Riga, now receives about 10 complaints a day and has made 460 responses, including referring seven to government prosecutors.

• The Moral Authority of the United Nations: Dining-room workers at the U.N. staged a wildcat strike at lunchtime on May 2, causing the building’s restaurants to be locked down, but what Time magazine called a “high-ranking U.N. official” ordered them unlocked so that staff members could eat (perhaps to pay for food on the honor system). What ensued, according to Time, was “Baghdad style (looting) chaos,” in which staff members ran wild, stripping the cafeterias and snack bars bare not only of food, but also silverware and liquor, none of it paid for, including bar drinks taken by “some well-known diplomats.”

Government in Action

Augusta 3450 Wrightsboro Road 706-733-4000

• Government at War With Itself: The San Francisco Chronicle reported in March that local priest and accused child-molester Austin Peter Keegan was able to avoid arrest for six months largely through government funding (i.e., the Social Security Administration, which continued to pay his benefits until he was arrested in Mexico on March 1). And prosecutors in Tampa urged a federal magistrate not to grant bail to accused terrorist supporter Sami al-Arian, on the grounds that if granted bail, he surely will flee the country; meanwhile, immigration authorities announced that they have begun the legal steps necessary, in the event al-Arian is granted bail, to deport him.

• A March investigation by the Milwaukee Journal Sentinel revealed that it is the policy of the Social Security Administration (even in times of terrorist alerts) that when someone presents what is obviously a phony ID in order to receive a Social Security card, the ID is merely returned to the person and he is asked to leave the building. No document is retained; no report is made; and law-enforcement is not called.

• Public Officials Gone Tacky: Detroit City Council member Kay Everett outdid colleagues who use the city’s printing plant for mere personal fliers and business cards; she had the plant publish for her a 12-month calendar of herself, “Hat’s on Me in 2003,” featuring a different, fashionable photograph of herself for each month. And Rhode Island state Rep. Joseph S. Almeida was convicted in February of assaulting a repo man who was lawfully confiscating Almeida’s girlfriend’s car; Almeida’s version was that the repo man voluntarily banged his own head into his truck’s door

three times, smashing his own eyeglasses and mangling his own face.

Great Art! • In February, municipal inspectors in Boston threatened sculptor Konstantin Simun, 68, with fines of $50 per day if he didn’t soon clean up the eyesore that is his yard, even though he has repeatedly pointed out that he just happens to work in the medium of “junk.” “It’s my life’s work,” Simun said at a hearing, referring to the old tires, traffic cones, plastic milk and water bottles, painted buckets, old golf bags, a broken trampoline and other choice items.

(For instance, he made a version of Michelangelo’s “La Pieta” entirely from cut-up plastic milk bottles.) Simun’s work was once housed at the prestigious DeCordova Museum and Sculpture Park near Boston, as a “curator’s choice” exhibit.

(Noted Philadelphia sculptor Leo Sewell also works in this medium.)

• In early March, as an edgy Washington, D.C., prepared for possible terrorist reactions to the U.S. invasion of Iraq, Reena Patel, 22, and Olabayo Olaniyi, 32, were arrested at the Capitol as they sang and danced, with Olaniyi wearing a ceramic mask, and both with objects duct-taped to their bodies resembling the appearance of suicide bombers, but they maintained they were just artists. Said Patel, “We like to make things beautiful, to uplift, to make people happy.” Said Olaniyi, “Duct tape is a hot item in D.C. I wanted my art to reflect what was hot here.”

Unclear on the Concept • Prominent Columbia, S.C., surgeon Harry J. Metropol, appearing before a state legislative committee in April to argue that doctors shouldn’t have to pay so much money in malpractice awards and insurance premiums, minimized the harm suffered by a woman (not Metropol’s patient) who lost both breasts because of an error in cancer diagnosis. “She did not lose her life,” Metropol said, sunnily, “and with plastic surgery, she’ll have breast reconstruction better than she did before. It won’t be National Geographic, hanging to her knees.

It’ll be nice, firm breasts.”

• The Cadbury company launched a major promotion campaign throughout Britain to fight childhood obesity by donating sports equipment to schools in exchange for candy bar purchases. For example (according to an April report in The Guardian), the company will donate a volleyball net and poles to a school if it hands in labels from 5,400 Cadbury chocolate bars. (In fact, a 10-yearold child getting a basketball for his school would have to play basketball for 90 hours just to burn off the calories in the candy he’d have to eat to get enough labels for the ball.)

Fetishes on Parade • Gerard Lancop, 58, was sentenced to nearly two years in prison for stalking a woman in connection with his psychiatristdescribed fetish for women’s coats (police found 236 in his home) (Windsor, Ontario, January). And Thomas William Hodgson pleaded guilty to harassing schoolgirls by either repeatedly stopping them on the street or leaving notes for them, offering to buy their cardigan sweaters, which he admitted he had a thing for (Christchurch, New Zealand, March).

— Chuck Shepherd © United Press Syndicate

Brezsny's Free Will Astrology ARIES (March 21-April 19)

CANCER (June 21-July 22)

Writing in “Poetry Flash,” critic Andy Brumer reminisces about the creative writing class he took with poet Stan Rice at San Francisco State University. “I remember sitting in class,” he muses, “thinking this teacher is working harder at teaching than I am at learning.” Please don’t let a similar laziness overcome you, Aries. You’re entering a phase when the educational possibilities are rich. To take advantage of them, you’ll have to match the high intensity and fertile imagination of your teachers. (P.S. Your teachers may be in disguise, not necessarily calling themselves teachers.)

Soon the planet Saturn will enter the sign of Cancer, where it will remain until July of 2005. During that time you will have excellent opportunities to become more skilled in finishing what you start. You’ll find it easier to calm your restless heart and commit yourself to a single choice out of the hundreds of options that interest you. Say goodbye to mediocre pleasures and misaligned priorities, my fellow Crab!

In the next two years, you will attract unexpected help any time you stop fiddling around on the peripheries and head straight to the core of the matter. Best of all, you’ll finally figure out beyond a doubt where you truly belong — as opposed to being half-sure of where you sort of belong.

TAURUS (April 20-May 20)

If you’re a carpenter, this is a perfect astrological moment to get that 115-piece titanium-covered drill bit set you’ve had your eyes on. If you’re a potter, it’s prime time to get a state-of-the-art ceramic saw.

If you’re a political activist gearing up for a new direct-mail campaign against corporate corruption, you might consider buying the “Utne Reader’s” mailing list. And if you’re none of the above, Taurus, I suggest you acquire whatever tool will help you rise to the next level of professionalism in your chosen field.

LEO (July 23-Aug. 22)

GEMINI (May 21-June 20)

New York Times Crossword Puzzle

When the bearded dragon lizard sits upright and cocks its head towards the heavens, Australian Aborigines know that rain will fall the next day. And when massive buds appear on the queen wattle plants, even the youngest members of the tribe can prophesy with confidence that brushfires will break out soon. I have a different system of signs, just as reliable, that tells me how to read your moods and trends, Gemini. For instance, last night I dreamed my oldest Gemini friend told me, “The bee fertilizes the flower it robs.” Because I have had the very same dream other times over the years, usually late in the month of May, I have come to understand its predictive meaning: Many Geminis all over the world will soon commit a benevolent “theft.”

ACROSS 1 Subj. of some amateur photography 4 Ones with iron hands 9 Move laterally 14 Plating choice 15 “My Three Sons” son 16 Reputed founder of tragic drama 17 Young ___ 18 Dog to beware of 19 English colonist in Virginia 20 Breathing aid 22 Cocoon dwellers 23 Less covered 24 With a lot of nerve 26 Large knife 27 It’s just above G 30 German “never”

You’ve primed to commune much more intimately with the hidden source of power that fuels your life.

In fact, you’re close to meeting the requirements defined by visionary poet William Blake. He wrote: “Unless the eye catch fire, God will not be seen.

Unless the ear catch fire, God will not be heard.

Unless the tongue catch fire, God will not be named.

Unless the heart catch fire, God will not be loved.

Unless the mind catch fire, God will not be known.”

Your eye, ear, tongue and heart are on the verge of igniting, Leo. Do whatever’s necessary to make that happen, and your mind will burst into flame, too.

VIRGO (Aug. 23-Sept. 22)

More than seven centuries before a few European men dared to sail beyond the safe boundaries of their known world, entire Polynesian families crossed vast expanses of the Pacific Ocean in catamarans. The first humans to arrive in Hawaii, they were led by “wayfinders.” These miracle workers navigated the uncharted seas by reading star positions, discerning weather patterns, and interpreting the ocean’s colors and movements. I want to make a connection between you and those pioneering souls, Virgo. In recognition of the brave, exploratory urges now ripening in you, I hereby give you the honorary title of “wayfinder.”

H I G H C

S E L A

P R I X

D U S K

O S H A

I H E A R

N O B L E S O T A T H H E S Y W J E U A D R E

B E A R C L A W

SCORPIO (Oct. 23-Nov. 21)

In 1991, hikers in the Italian Alps discovered the largely intact body of a man who died 5,000 years ago. He’d been preserved in a glacier that had recently begun to melt. Since then, many women have asked to be given some of the iceman’s frozen sperm so that they might become pregnant by him.

(The director of the museum where his body is kept has so far turned down all requests.) While I don’t recommend that you become one more seeker of this prehistoric insemination, Scorpio, I do suggest you pursue a metaphorically analogous quest in the coming weeks: Try to fertilize yourself through an intimate encounter with the past.

SAGITTARIUS (Nov. 22-Dec. 21)

My acquaintance Jerry likes to play his guitar for the spinner dolphins that hang around Maui’s La Perouse Bay. They appreciate it. When he runs out of songs, he often joins them for a convivial swim.

One day four months ago, a commotion at sea moved Jerry to interrupt his concert. Paddling out for a closer look, he found a woman swimmer surrounded by the dolphins. The normally friendly creatures had hemmed her in, as if herding her. But when their buddy Jerry showed up, they parted their tight circle to let him through, and he was able to escort the woman back to shore. The two hit it off instantly, began dating, and recently got married. Why am I telling you this, Sagittarius? Because I predict that like Jerry, you’ll soon receive extraordinary, maybe even non-human, help with your love life.

CAPRICORN (Dec. 22-Jan. 19)

31 Female

56 Prussian

1

33 Debtors’

57 Its capital is

14

15

16

17

18

19

vampires

pronoun

burdens 35 1999 film whose title is a hint to this puzzle’s theme 38 Ones involved in dust-ups?

39 Perpetual, poetically 40 Small shot 41 Newspapers 42 Bell rung at evening 46 Guanaco relatives 49 Skin: Prefix 50 What las novelas are written in 51 Common 54 “Haystacks” painter 55 Temple of Literature locale

ANSWER TO PREVIOUS PUZZLE T H A W S

LIBRA (Sept. 23-Oct. 22)

Good news, Libra: You will continue to be the beneficiary of expansive cosmic energies. In last week’s horoscope, I compared these gifts to the power of the spoken Hawaiian language to open the heart and eyes of those who hear it. This time I propose several Hawaiian names for you to adopt as your own. They’re all in alignment with your evolving destiny. You are hereby authorized to call yourself Kaohinani, which means gatherer of beautiful things. You may also refer to yourself as Makaike, to see with keen powers of observation; or E’e’e, to keep climbing over everything, as an active child; or Wai-puhia, wind-blown water, especially the spray of a waterfall. (Thanks to the book “Hawaiian Names, English Names,” by Eileen Root.)

E A K A T A E U T Y E N O E H S E I G T O Z T O F O E N E O A D R E R U P Y O N E S P D E A E R A C N O N E

A P O U N S E A T E D

P U S H O V E R E S T H

O N E W O O D

S T A Y N I G H S T T I C L A L I U N P E

S I L L

E L S E

D E A N

S S T S

A S F A R

N T E S T

St.-Étienne 58 Embrace 59 Pavement caution 60 The Quechua, e.g.

61 Taylor of “The Nanny” 62 Old spy org.

DOWN About-faces Elaborate Kind of kick Shut out Vivacious wit Not had by Cake feature, sometimes 8 Talk about heaven, perhaps: Abbr.

9 Proceed proudly 10 Flapjack places, familiarly 11 Chicago suburb 12 Drowning person’s need 13 Suffix with legal 21 Showed dizziness 22 Impose 24 They may be in stitches 25 “You bet!”

27 “___ dreaming?”

28 Handy-andies 29 Drink that may be a double 1 2 3 4 5 6 7

2

3

20

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26 31 35

13

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29 33

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Puzzle by Eric Berlin

32 Dummkopf 33 Elmore of

basketball

34 Insult response 35 One sip, say 36 Like Laredo,

largely

37 Some

B.M.O.C.’s

You Can Call Rob Brezsny, day or night, for your Expanded Weekly Horoscope

1-900-950-7700

x

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39

40

PISCES (Feb. 19-March 20)

A century ago, the Hawaiian sugarcane industry required a ton of water to produce a pound of sugar.

Since then, improvements in irrigation techniques have drastically reduced the excess. The ratio of water to sugar is now 1:1. In a similar development, it used to take me about 2,000 words of exploratory free-writing to arrive at a single 120-word horoscope. These days I typically have to churn out no more than 400 words in the process of distilling your weekly oracle. In yet another related development, Pisces, I predict you’ll soon make a comparable move towards less waste and greater efficiency in your own area of expertise.

— © Rob Brezsny

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AQUARIUS (Jan. 20-Feb. 18)

Our planet is running out of many essential resources, including fresh water and oil. Now the Weekly World News has reported yet another crucial shortage: the global supply of supermodels. “The original generation of supermodels is fading,” the paper says, “and very few new ones are coming along to replace them.

Soon the supermodel as we know it may become extinct.” Can anything be done to avert this catastrophe-in-the-making? I’m not sure. But I do know that many of you Aquarians are exceptionally attractive right now, and likely to become even more so in the coming months. Might you therefore consider launching a career as a supermodel? At the very least, I suggest you look for ways to use your growing beauty to help save the world.

Vidoes & Novelties

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32

In A.D. 752, the Japanese Empress Koken wrote a lyrical poem in praise of the eupatorium plant, whose leaves turn a vivid shade of yellow in summer. Recently, scientists punctured the illusion she was under, demonstrating that the lovely foliage of the eupatorium is caused by a disease virus. In my view, though, this shouldn’t diminish our appreciation of either the poem or the plant. I’ve noticed that a lot of the world’s beauty forms in response to a wound. In fact, I expect you’re in the midst of that very process right now.

38 An exec may

have one 41 Buddy 43 Relative of a 29-Down 44 Contacts quickly, perhaps 45 Punchers’ entertainment 47 End of ___

48 Pigeon

shelters

49 Notwithstanding 51 Spoonbills do it 52 Wise to 53 Ninny

54 Mid 11th-

century date

55 Laugh syllable

For answers, call 1-900-285-5656, $1.20 a minute; or, with a credit card, 1-800-814-5554.

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51 M E T R O S P I R I T M A Y 2 9 2 0 0 3

52 M E T R O S P I R I T M A Y 2 9 2 0 0 3

“Summer Stock at the Art Factory” Explore and perform musical theater with a choreographer, set designer, and director June 9 – June 27

Willie Wonka and the Chocolate Factory July 7- July 25

The Adventures of Tom Sawyer Monday – Friday 8:30 a.m. – 4:30 p.m. for Ages 6-14, Enrollment limited to 36 8:30 a.m. – Noon for Ages 3-5, Enrollment limited to 12 Three weeks of full-day camp for $270 Three weeks of half-day camp for $135 Includes supplies, lunch, snacks.

Tuition Assistance Available

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I

really identify with the girl who wrote you about her lazy, jobless boyfriend. I supported a deadbeat boyfriend who lived with me for a year. He always claimed he was “going” to get a job, and that he was “going” to contribute to our expenses; he just never did, and I finally got him to leave.

I realized I’ve had a habit of getting involved with nonworking, nonproductive partners. How can I prevent history from repeating itself?

—Charity Worker There’s a name for a woman who provides the one she loves with a roof over his head, three square meals a day and all the lit tle necessities of life — and it’s “Mommy.”

Maybe, like a lot of wanna-be parents, you’d hoped to bypass the long lines to adopt an infant by going for an older child — one in his 30s or 40s. Adopting a 42-year-old, for example, does have its advantages. Surely, your middle-aged moppet won’t be badgering you to send him to a pricey private elementary school, nor is he likely to clamor for you to take out a second mor tgage to fund his college education. No, he’ll be earmarking the money from your second mor tgage for his beer and cigaret tes fund. Like college tuition, this fund will be a gif t that keeps on giving — admit tedly, just a lit tle — whenever he gets a handful of change for turning in his empty beer bot tles.

You really can’t blame your last man-child (or his predecessors) for staying home playing Nintendo while you were at the of fice playing oppressed worker. Retro-lef ty types might have even had the nerve to claim they were just too busy poring over Mao’s Lit tle Red Book — in their $400 Karl Mar x-style wirerims you’re still paying of f. Surely, you don’t expect Mommy’s Lit tle Commie to soil his hands with filthy lucre. No, that’s your job, but he’ll take a double cheeseburger and an ex tralarge Coke, just as soon as your filthy lit tle hands are free to scribble down his order.

This brings us back to the blame, which still needs to be placed — preferably, where it belongs: with you. You didn’t just trip and fall into the arms of guy af ter guy looking to experience “Womb: The Sequel.” You’re eager to provide that experience; probably because you’re terrified of being dumped. Only when you get comfy with possibly get ting discarded will you have the guts to go for the kind of guy who stays with you because he loves you —

not because it’s the dif ference between sleeping on 300 thread-count sheets in your bed or on a sheet of mildewed cardboard in a urinesoaked doorway.

Give a lit tle thought to get ting dumped. It really isn’t an indictment of your wor th as a human, nor will it squash you out of existence like a bug under a boot. Millions of people survive it every day. It’s nobody’s idea of Mardi Gras, but it is a great way to lose weight while curled up in a fetal position nex t to your treadmill, and unless you sleep face down crying and drown in your own tears, it’s unlikely to kill you.

Behave with self-respect, and self-respect might actually follow. Find the spine to demand that a guy bring more to a relationship than two hairy hands with upturned palms. That’s all it takes to make the American Idles scat ter, clearing your way to guys interested in being equal par tners instead of sharing equally in every thing you earn. Cling to your newfound spine, and you should eventually find a man who’s at tached to you instead of a pod looking to at tach to the mother ship.

My ex-girlfriend and I had dynamite sex, but little else in common. Our breakup was mutual, and we’re still friendly. I’m looking to meet somebody new, but I haven’t yet, and I don’t think she has either. You’ll probably slam me for being a horny man, but I’d like advice on getting into a “friends with benefits” situation.

—Friend in Need Like going to the supermarket on an empty stomach, if you go without sex long enough, you might be tempted to throw just about anything in your car t. Regular ex-sex should prevent your libido from chipping away at your standards for girlfriend selection until you’re down to “no beards or mustaches” and “has to be in my species.” Just be sure you play fair. Make sure everybody understands which way this is heading: nowhere, no mat ter what.

Come up with a plan in case somebody star ts pining for it to head somewhere, despite your agreement. There’s nothing wrong with horny men — not if they’re honest about what they want: in this case, the sex version of those little samples they hand out in the supermarket.

Not exactly a meal, but enough for tification to get you past the big sale on Twinkies.

— © 2003, Amy Alkon

Got A Problem?

Write Amy Alkon

171 Pier Ave., Box 280 • Santa Monica, CA 90405 or e-mail AdviceAmy@aol.com

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ROMANTIC LADY DWF, 60, no children, self-supporting, retired, attractive (so I’m told) enjoys outdoors, fishing, mountains, dining out, dancing. Seeking SWM, 58-68, N/S, for possible LTR. ☎397659 ALL I WANT IS YOU SB mom, 28, is in search of a man, 25-45, who would want to start off as friends, leading into more. ☎459939 TAKE ME DANCING SWF, 25, 5’9”, blonde/brown, Gemini, N/S, seeks WM, 30-38, N/S, who likes kids. For dating. ☎385501 LIGHT UP MY LIFE Beautiful BF, 60, 5’11”, with a brown complexion, N/S, N/D, has lots of love and passion to share with a SBM, who goes to church. ☎383766 MORE THAN AVERAGE Slender SBF, 53, 5’2”, independent, Aries, smoker, loves music, conversation, laughter.

Seeking independent, mature SBM, 48-65, for friendship first. ☎369627 MAKE ME LAUGH SWF, 41, Scorpio, smoker, seeks WM, 3550, who is fun, likes to share life with me! ☎368509 STILL SEARCHING SWF, 47, 5’8”, 148lbs, Sagittarius, smoker, interests vary, seeks SWM, 37-48, for LTR. ☎342017 A LOT TO OFFER SWPF, 39, 5’2”, 155lbs, loves, sports, dining out, cooking, movies, walks in the park, playing pool, travel, dining out. Seeking young man, with similar interests, for friendship and companionship. ☎321666 GET INTO THE GROOVE SWF, 43, 5’4”, 110lbs, slender, active, Capricorn, N/S, enjoys playing frisbee and nature walks. Seeking WM, 37-47, wide shoulders a+. ☎301123 GOD IS OUR SAVIOR SWF, 50, Sagittarius, N/S, loves Christian music, Christian tv, and reading the Bible.

Seeking BCM, 50-55, N/S, who sees things the same as I do. ☎299661 TO THE POINT DWF, 37, administrative assistant, Capricorn, N/S, seeks WM, 29-49, N/S, occasional drinker ok, honest, for dating. ☎299335 MEET THE CRITERIA? SBF, 32, mother, smoker, seeks considerate male, 35-42, with capability to be understanding and sincere in a relationship. ☎288180 ENVELOPING EMBRACE Kind-hearted SBCF, 52, non-smoker, enjoys dining out, attending church. Seeking loving SBCM, 52-65, with similar interests. ☎287845 FALL IN LOVE AGAIN SF, 46, dark complexion, cosmetologist, seeks caring, sensitive, employed man, 4656, for long walks, cuddling, and more. ☎284967 FIRST TIME AD! Employed SBF, 35, no children, wants to meet a laid-back, spontaneous man, 33-41, race unimportant, to get to know as a friend and maybe progress to more! ☎280007 OLD-FASHIONED GIRL SWF, 34, attractive, blonde, with good morals and values, Leo, N/S, enjoys nature, cooking, animals, movies, and home life. Desiring marriage-minded, family-oriented WM, 3245. ☎261032

SEEKING DEDICATED PERSON SWF, late-30s, blonde/blue, is dedicated and looking for the same in a man, for friendship first, possibly more. ☎251283 LEO SBF, 31, wants to share quality time with a man who loves movies, dining out, quiet times, for friendship. ☎202217 GIVE ME A JINGLE SBF, 46, is loving, kind and sweet, mature at every beat, can weave anything and loves to sing. Want to sing with her? ☎200842 TABLE FOR TWO SWF, 57, 5’4”, blond/green, easygoing, outgoing, enjoys cooking, fishing, reading, NASCAR. Seeking honest, respectful S/DWM, 57-65. ☎965851 BE MY FRIEND Attractive SWF, 29, 5’7”, 129lbs, brown/brown, N/S, no kids, never married, seeks SWM, 20-37, in shape, friendship first, possible LTR. ☎945103 BEACH BUM SBF, 31, with bachelor’s degree in communications, Taurus, N/S, loves dining out, movies, working out, and reading. Seeking man, 26-36. ☎869451 SINCERE BEAUTY Sophisticated SBCF, 23, 5’2”, 140lbs, interested in seeking educated, independent, employed SBM, 23-30, long walks, stimulating conversation, friendship, dating, more. ☎849311 OLD-FASHIONED VALUES Honest, relaxed, christian SBF, 56, Aries, N/S, enjoys cooking, dining out, quiet times at home. Seeking marriage-minded, financially secure SBM, 50-56, N/S, for LTR. ☎829149 GOD LOVER Athletic, shy SBF, 33, 5’5”, 160lbs, Gemini, smoker, enjoys church, dining out, cooking, traveling, shopping, reading. Seeking outgoing man, 35-50, smoker, for LTR. ☎709843 STRONG WILL SBF, 45, outgoing, attractive, youthful, enjoys writing, music, traveling. Seeking mature, strong-willed SBM, 35-48, for friendship. ☎965893 AN AUTUMN SPECIAL Hard-working WF, 38, 5’4”, 100lbs, blonde/ brown, enjoys biking, watersports, cooking, and travel. Seeking WM, 35-50, for possible LTR. ☎965904 GOOD-HEARTED DWF, 61, 5’9”, honest, neat in appearance, with a good sense of humor. Seeking WM, 60-70, who’s honest and caring. ☎574264 MAKE MY HEART LAUGH SBF, 22, 5’8”, 155lbs, part-time student, seeks sensual, kind man with a great heart, for movies, dining out, and open-minded conversation. ☎565120

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Seeking SWF, 25-35, N/S, N/D, who enjoys good times, dating, for LTR. ☎341418 NEVER BEEN MARRIED SWM, 40, would like to meet a woman who enjoys simple pleasures such as outdoor fun, music and exercise. ☎463381 SOMETHING SO RIGHT SWM, 46, 5’8”, 195lbs, wants to meet a lady with good moral character, who is looking for a lasting relationship. ☎464950 TRY ME SBM, 31, enjoys sports, movies, park walks, good conversation. Seeking pretty, honest SF, to share these with. ☎448964

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Stud Finder YOU HAVE 6 NEW MATCHES

WHOLE LOTTA LOVE SBF, 33, would like to share movies, dinners, quiet evenings at home, the usual dating activities, with a great guy. ☎463610 DON’T PASS ME BY SHF, 18, 5’1”, 126lbs, short/brown, would like to meet a guy for bowling, dancing and romance. ☎463061 LOVES TO LAUGH Attractive SWF, 19, 5’9”, Libra, smoker, seeks WM, 18-35, for a solid, good, honest friendship leading towards LTR. ☎455393 LOOKING FOR YOU SWF, 37, 5’6”, Scorpio, N/S, enjoys mountains, bowling, the beach and music. Seeking WM, 35-48, N/S, to be a companion, friend. ☎456544 COMPANIONSHIP DWF, 48, enjoys antiquing, travel, dining out, movies and more. Seeking DWM, 48-58, for loving, tender relationship. ☎732056 OUTGOING WF, 50s, 5’5”, 150lbs, brunette, likes dining out, dancing, cooking, interior decorating, more. Give me a call. ☎443130 NO INTRO NEEDED SBCF, 26, 5’4”, 130lbs, single parent of a 7year-old son, very independent, Gemini, N/S, seeks BM, 27-40, to be my friend. ☎432010 HIGH SCHOOL TEACHER SWF, 57, 5’11”, 130lbs, very trim, Capricorn, N/S, enjoys canoeing, backpacking, nature photography, and hiking. Seeking WM, 5262, N/S, with similar interests. ☎358288 HOPELESS ROMANTIC SBF, 25, no children, very independent, Leo, N/S, seeks BM, 26-40, N/S, with whom to share movies, dancing, and quality time. ☎300467 SEARCHING FOR MR RIGHT SBPF, 39, Libra, loves church, traveling, movies, and dining out. Seeking SBPM, 3760, for possible LTR. ☎421273 A SIMPLE GAL SWF, 35, 5’4”, seeks laid back man, 18-40, for casual dating, friendship maybe more. ☎418340 A SPECIAL SOMEONE SBF, 25, mother, seek financially stable, independent man, 20-45, who loves children, for LTR . ☎415803 OUTGOING/OUTDOORS TYPE Tall, full-figured, SF, 5’10, long red hair, green eyes, outgoing, outdoors type, spends allot of time with two children, likes movies and sports. Seeking compatible SM, 24-40. ☎402582 NICE EVENINGS Attractive SBF, 35, enjoys nice evenings, conversation, seeking loving SBM, 30-37, for nice evenings. ☎400597 NURSE SEEKS DOCTOR LOVE SWF, 24, blonde/brown, full-figured, attractive, financially independent, N/S, N/D, single mom of one, desires for special SWM, 24-33, honest, employed, N/S, N/D, for friendship, possible LTR. ☎323553 ATTENTION! Your military date is in Augusta. SF seeks military male, 29-45, with good sense of humor, good values/qualities. No abusers.

Race open. Children ok. Will answer all. ☎334255 SINGLE MOM DWF, 40, 5’3”, brown/brown, full-figured, new to the area, seeks non-smoking SCM, 40+, for companionship, friendship, possibly more. ☎319109

GOOD GIRL Attractive SWF, 38, 5’4”, 145lbs, blonde/hazel, N/S, Pisces, enjoys outdoors.

Seeking tall SWM, 30-42. ☎864247 THE LONG RUN SBF, 43, single parent, health service technician, Capricorn, N/S, loves basketball.

Seeking BM, 37-47, N/S, for friendship, love, and beyond. ☎872160

Mobile Dating. The easiest way to meet great people.

GUIDELINES: DATE MAKER ads are for adults 18 or over seeking monogamous relationships. To ensure your safety, carefully screen all responses. First meetings should occur in a public place. Abbreviations are permitted only to indicate gender preference, race, and religion. We suggest your ad contain a self-description, age range, lifestyle and avocations. Ads and voice messages containing explicit sexual language will not be accepted. This publication reserves the right to revise copy containing objectionable phrases; to reject in its sole discretion, any advertisement on account of its text. This publication assumes no responsibility for the content or reply to any DATE MAKER ad. The advertiser assumes complete liability for the content and all replies to any advertisement or recorded message and for any claims made against this publication and its agents as a result thereof. The advertiser agrees to indemnify and hold this publication, its employees and its agents harmless from all costs, expenses (including reasonable attorney fees), liabilities and damages resulting from or caused by the publication or recording placed by the a service of advertiser or any reply to any such advertisement. By using DATE MAKER, the advertiser agrees not to leave his/her phone number, last name or address in his/her voice greeting. Not all boxes contain a voice greeting.

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M B D F H C LTR

Male Black Divorced Female Hispanic Christian Long-term Relationship

G W A S J P N/D N/S

Gay White Asian Single Jewish Professional Non-Drinker Non-smoker

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M A Y 2 9 2 0 0 3

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To respond to ads using a LET’S GET IN TOUCH! SWM, 20, Cancer, smoker, enjoys fishing, hunting, walking, playing games. Seeking older woman, 30-60, for possible relationship. ☎888111 TAKE ME ON Male, 34, 5’10”, 180lbs, black/hazel, Capricorn, financially secure, smoker, seeks woman, 27-39, smoker, petite, who loves Nascar and beaches. ☎429058 SEEKING FOR LOVE Independent, attractive SBM, 28, Leo, non smoker, likes dining, movies. Seeking woman, 18-40, to have a good time, for casual friendship. Race open ☎365633 LET’S CHAT SWM, 53, Scorpio, N/S, college-educated, easygoing, enjoys travel and beaches.

Seeking friendship, possible LTR with a WF, 45-55, N/S. ☎358466 WORTH THE CALL Attractive SAM, 37, Pisces, non smoker, seeks woman, 18-45, non smoker, for dating and fun times. ☎349386 KEEP IT SIMPLE SWM, 45, carpenter, enjoys travel, sports, fishing, dancing, music, playing cards.

Seeking SF, who enjoys the same. ☎343229 SEEKING BBW SWM, 41, 6’, black/green, enjoys reading, movies, dining out, travel, dancing, quiet times. Seeking queen-size female, with a heart to match, for love and romance. ☎325398 MAY GOD BE WITH US Christian with deep spiritual convictions.

DWM, 61 years young, 5’11”, 155lbs, full head of salt-and-pepper hair. Seeking S/DWCF, 45-60, N/S, N/D, attractive, feminine, slender, good health, self-supporting.

Must exercise four times weekly, do four military push-ups and carry your own backpack five miles to keep up with me physically.

Enjoys outdoor activities such as rafting, hiking, swimming and canoeing. I’m willing to participate in your interests also. Waiting to hear from you. ☎327909 SEEKING TRUE LOVE Handsome SBM, 39, compassionate, financially secure, seeks romantic, attractive, compassionate BF, 21-45, for romantic dinners, movies, walks along the beach, true friendship, LTR. You won’t be disappointed. ☎920361 SAY YOU, SAY ME SWM, 25, 5’10”, 165lbs, medium build, brown/blue, Gemini, N/S, outgoing, energetic, seeks WF, 19-28, for friendship, possible LTR. ☎302503 YOU SUPPLY... the marshmallows. I’ll supply the bonfire, SWM, 36, truck driver, Aries, N/S, loves camping. Seeking a woman, 40-58. ☎316730 JUST YOUR AVERAGE GUY SWM, 37, N/S, likes motorcycles, fishing, camping, farming, relaxing weekends.

Seeking SWF, 25-40, to join me on life’s journey. ☎287476 WOULD YOU BE MY GIRL? Light-skinned SBM, 20, 5’8”, short/brown, likes going to movies and more. Seeking single lady, 18-30, who’d like to be my girl. ☎275833 ENJOY LIFE WITH ME! SM, 52, wants to meet a fun-loving woman, 35-48, who is easy to get along with, likes sports, music, and more. ☎282853 MY DREAM GIRL SM, 29, 5’8’’, likes basketball. Looking for a female, 25-40, who enjoys going out and having a nice time! ☎274284 EARLY RETIREMENT SM, 63, works part time, deep sense of spiritual conviction, loves the Bible, fellowship, life. Searching for similar woman, 45-56. ☎279329 LET’S FALL IN LOVE SM, 25, enjoys travel, movies, writing.

Looking for a good woman, 25-42, who shares some of these interests. ☎281603

LET’S DO LUNCH SBM, 28, Leo, homeowner, entrepreneur, attractive, seeks friendship with average, every day woman, 20-40. Have your heart talk to mine. ☎270867 SOCCER LOVER SHM, 21, 190lbs, loves to play soccer.

Seeking a woman with a good personality. ☎250070 LOOKING FOR LOVE Loving, passionate SWM, 50, Pisces, non smoker, seeks WF, 35-50, to date and more.

Friends, leading to LTR. ☎353217 TRUE FRIENDSHIP Handsome SBM, 40, with a compassionate nature, seeks a S/DBF, 43-50, with the same qualities for a passionate relationship. ☎200917 CHEF/PIANIST 6’, 190lbs, brown/blue, handsome, amateur psychologist, nice car, time off to travel, will send photo. Seeks pretty female companion, 26-39, no kids, light smoker/drinker okay. ☎882215 MY DEMANDS ARE SIMPLE SBM, 34, seeks a relationship with a faithful and honest BF, 28-39, smoker, for an honest relationship. ☎949160 IF YOU’RE READING THIS... why not give me a call? SWCM, 19, 6’, 185lbs, brown/blue, relaxed attitude, Capricorn, N/S, seeks WF, 19-25, N/S, for possible LTR. ☎938173 LET’S MAKE A CONNECTION Laid-back, easygoing, employed SBM, 48, seeks similar SB/WF, 30-60, into music, dining out, spending quality time together.

There’s no need to be lonely! ☎919786 LET’S HOOK UP 34-year-old SBM, 5’9”, 180lbs, Aquarius, nurse, bald head, new to area, open-minded, fun-loving, hopeless romantic. Seeking woman who loves to be romanced. ☎849401 Men Seeking Men

SEEKING THE REAL THING BM, 32, 5’8”, 200lbs, enjoys reading, cooking, dining out, movies, spending quality time at home. Seeking WM, 25-35, who has similar interests, and wants a long-term, monogamous relationship. ☎389698 BOY NEXT DOOR SAM, 27, 5’9”, 147lbs, Sagittarius, smoker, seeks WM, 25-45, who enjoys fun times and a true friendship. ☎456425 I KNOW WHERE IT’S AT SBM, 25, practical yet fun, outgoing, Aquarius, smoker, seeks a masculine, alluring, well-rounded BM, 23-45, smoker, with his priorities in order. ☎695448 LET’S MEET FOR COFFEE Good-looking GWM, 36, 6’, 200lbs, muscular, tan, enjoys working out, yard work, spending time with my dogs. Looking for attractive SM, 32-48, for dating, maybe leading to LTR. ☎436231 LET’S GET CRAZY SWM, 35, 6’1”, with green eyes, is in search of a man to get together with, and share good times. ☎384239 YOU NEVER KNOW Fun-loving, easygoing GWM, 51, 5’11”, 198lbs, enjoys cooking, movies, fishing, walking. Seeking interesting GWM, 18-33, who’s full of life, for casual relationship, possibly more. ☎676662 ME IN A NUTSHELL WM, 18, brown/blue, medium build, looking for fun, outgoing, energetic guy, 18-30, for movies, hanging out, quiet evenings at home, and more. Friends first, maybe becoming serious. ☎425471 NICE PERSONALITY A MUST SM, 29, 5’7’’, moustache and goatee, seeks down-to-earth, nice, masculine, real man, 27-30, for friends, possible LTR. ☎280741

How do you

LOOKING FOR LOVE GWM, 41, 5’8’, 140lbs, Pisces, enjoys fishing, television, wood working, gardening, arts, crafts. Seeking GWM, 25-45, for friendship first, possible LTR. ☎705204 ADVENTURE AWAY Fun, GWM, 46, Virgo, N/S, seeks masculine H/ WM, 25-50, blue collar type, for friendship, dating, possibly more. ☎354941 LONG-TERM RELATIONSHIP Senior SWM seeks sincere, honest SWM, 25-45, to share home and lifestyle. Many interests including gardening, cooking, arts and crafts, travel, camping. ☎294303 ENJOYS ALL THAT LIFE HAS GWM, 40, shaved head, goatee, Pisces, smoker, seeks very special, attractive, strong, fun-loving GBM, 30-50, for dating, possible LTR. ☎257126 NASCAR FAN SWM, 38, 6’1”, 190lbs, brown/green, is good-looking and masculine. Seeking a man who is also masculine and enjoys going for drinks and RVing. ☎250111 100% LAID-BACK SBM, 35, 5’11”, brown skin, dark brown eyes, Virgo, smoker, bookworm, loves tv.

Seeking masculine, spontaneous BM, 30-45, smoker. ☎958192 WHAT’S HAPPENING? SWM, 30, 5’7”, 200lbs, brown/blue, Aries, N/S, seeks BM, 19-35, N/S, outgoing, for friendship first, possible LTR. ☎958402 YOU CAN MAKE MY DAY Male, 60, Cancer, N/S, seeks a WM, 49-65, N/S, for casual relationship. Why not call me? ☎927707 DOESN’T PLAY GAMES Unattached GBM, 41, interested in meeting open-minded, fun-loving, honest, truthful, compassionate and loyal GM for LTR. ☎920995 BE YOURSELF Honest, caring SM, 47, 5’10”, 220lbs, seeks outgoing, ambitious, down-to-earth man, to share friendship, fun times and maybe more. ☎895468 IT’S YOUR CALL GWM, young 46, 5’11”, 200lbs, brown/ brown, masculine, outgoing, enjoys travel, dining out, movies, shopping, Nascar. Would like to meet honest, passionate GM, with similar interests, for dating, possible LTR. Serious inquiries only. ☎792384 BEYOND SWM, 32, 5’11”, 155lbs, light hair, looking for good time with GM, 18-45, ☎966003

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Women Seeking Women

HAVE A GOOD TIME SB mom of two, 35, wishes to spend time, conversations, friendship and life with a great lady. ☎458794 I WON’T LET YOU DOWN Single GBF, 32, mother, non-smoker, looking to become acquainted with a laid-back, sensual GBF, who enjoys quiet times, movies.

Interested? ☎910581 WHY WAIT? SWF, 38, 5’6”,140lbs, short brown hair, easygoing, enjoys playing golf, the beach.

Seeking feminine female, 20-40, to have fun times and more. ☎448489 ENDLESS POSSIBILITIES SBF, 30, 5’5”, with brown eyes, seeks a woman, 30-36, to hang out with, get to know, and see where it goes. ☎380595 GOAL ORIENTED Intelligent, happy, attractive SBF, 23, student, seeks similar SBF, 24-40, N/S, for all that life has to offer. ☎411842 LOVES CHILDREN Easygoing, nice SF, 32, looking for someone with the same qualities, 29-39, and a people person. ☎388943 OPEN-MINDED CHIC Broken-hearted GWF, 30, Libra, smoker, seeks woman, 20-45, to mend my heart.

Let’s not be afraid of who we are. ☎370110 “EVERYONE’S BEST FRIEND” GWF, 26, 5’6”, medium build, likes watching movies, bowling, hanging out, malls, phone conversations. Seeking fun-loving, seriousminded GWF, 22-35, medium build, for friendship and possibly more. ☎335046 WELL-ROUNDED GWPF, 24, 4’11”, brown/brown, loves animals, movies, dancing, travel, dining out, sports, conversation. Seeking GF, with similar interests, for friendship, possible LTR. ☎329740 BEAUTIFUL AND FEMININE GWF, 32, 5’7”, 135lbs, enjoys reading, movies, dining out, travel, sports, music, movies.

Seeking GWF, 25-39, with similar interests, for friendship, possible LTR. ☎329063 A REFRESHING CHANGE SWF, 30, Libra, smoker, is hoping to find it in a woman, 25-45. Will show a lot of a affection. ☎307177

AVID READER Quiet SF, 24, part-time student, into all types of music, especially oldies, pets, writing poetry. Seeking a female, 24-40, with same interests. ☎283861 BUILDING A FUTURE Hard-working, mechanically inclined SBF, 46, loves to build and rebuild. Seeing female who prefers the home life and knows what she wants from life. ☎120569 LOOKING FOR LOVE SBF, 32, 140lbs, 5’8”, down-to-earth, likes clubs, movies, and quiet times. Looking for a female, 30-35, with the same interests. If you’re the one, call me. Aiken, South Carolina. ☎113533 LIKE MALLS & MOVIES? Feminine BiBF, 25, 5’4”, 145lbs, short hair, Sagittarius, smoker, loves movies and tv.

Seeking another feminine woman, 18-30, with whom to hang out and chat. ☎958642 OUTGOING FUN WF, 28...

5’3”, medium build, loves movies, putt-putt golf, and bowling. Seeking WF, 25-40, medium build, for fun and friendship. Hope to hear from you soon. ☎958847 MAN FOR ALL SEASONS GBF, 31, 5’6”, brown/brown, Cancer, smoker, enjoys kids, bowling. Seeking open-minded, passionate, understanding GBF, 23-45, for LTR. ☎941850 NO INTRO NEEDED SWF, 39, 5’7”, 145lbs, homeowner, easygoing, selfless, Taurus, smoker, loves movies and bowling. Seeking WF, 35-49, with comparable interests. ☎935299 A GOOD HEART SF, 39, goes to church, works for a living, likes having fun, going on trips. Seeking a similar female, 37-49. ☎780112 SPECIAL FRIENDSHIP Attractive, feminine SWF, 41, 5’4”, seeks a very open-minded WF, 35-48, for fun and exciting times. ☎775074 JOIN ME GBF, 32, nurse, part-time student, Capricorn, N/S, enjoys bowling, movies, shopping, traveling. Seeking casual relationship with woman, 25-45. ☎711628 GIVE ME A RING Cute SBF, 30-something, seeks attractive SF, 25-45, for friendship, maybe more. No games. ☎965825 WASTE NO TIME GBF, 36, enjoys dining out, cooking, dining out. Seeking attractive, open-minded, fun, nice GF, 25-45, for friendship and possibly more. ☎965823

STAND OUT FROM THE CROWD WITH A PERSONAL ICON!

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HOPE 2 HEAR FROM YOU SF, 28, N/S, down-to-earth, humorous, caring and understanding, passion for dancing, sports, movies. Seeking loving, active CALL FOR LTR late 20s, 5’6”, 140lbs, employed, sports enthusiast looks gentleman, to share the good times in life. ☎347162 SWJF, for a smart SM for LOVING LIFE friendship and more.

SAF, 20, self-employed, home owner, enjoys boating, fishing, parting. Seeking SM, 18-22, N/S, for LTR.

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Classifieds Employment

Help Wanted Now Hiring!

X-Mar t Currently hiring full time clerks.

Neat appearance, cashier experience preferred.

Apply in person 1367 Gordon Highway.

For directions call 706-774-9755 (7/31#8103) Highjumper/7.1 is looking for ex tra income and a sponsor, to suppor t his training. Call: 706-737-0842 Mail: stuar twild11@augusta.com (06/05#8116)

Equipment WOLFF TANNING BEDS AFFORDABLE • CONVIENENT Tan At Home Payments From $25/month FREE Color-Catalog Call Today 1-800-842-1305 (05/29#8100)

Pets PLEASE HELP! Need a new home for two adult, female cats (sisters). Both have been spayed and declawed (front paws only).Can no longer keep due to illness. I urgently need someone to take these beautiful cats.

706-240-8888 and leave number.

(5/29#8079)

Private Investigators RAY WILLIAMSON & ASSOCIATES Private Investigations 17 years experience Domestic Relations and Child Custody Cases Licensed and Bonded in Georgia & Carolina 706-854-9672 or 706-854-9678 fa x (05/29#8093)

M E T R O

Mind, Body & Spirit READINGS BY

MRS. GRAHAM

C A R D R E A D I N G S

Mrs. Graham, Psychic Reader, Advises on all affairs of life, such as love, marriage, and business. She tells your past, present and future. Mrs. Graham does palm, tarot card, and crystal readings. She specializes in relationships and reuniting loved ones.

SPECIAL READINGS WITH CARD

Seeking Model Ar tist seeking female nude model for drawing and photo sessions (no pornography). Athletic build preferred. 18 and over please.

Call (706) 951-7702 (05/29#8113)

55

341 S. Belair Rd. Open from 9 a.m. til 9 p.m.

Call (706) 733-5851

Alt. Lifestyles

Professional Massage By experienced male.

Designed for healthy men 18 - 45.

A great way to rela x House & Hotel Calls Only 706-589-9139 (06/05#8114)

If You’re not Partying at Argos, The Tower of Argos or at The Shack…

Bhakti Yoga

Club Argos Dance Club & The Tower of Argos Leather Bar Augusta’s Premier Progressive House Dance & Entertainment Zone with DJ Joe Stone

Now at Sacred Space 206 8th St. (706) 556-8490 Full Body Massage!

Therapeutic tension relief, intense or tender touch, rela xing music, aromatherapy, by appointment only - $49.00/hr Call Joy - 706-771-9470 or John - 706-868-5598 (05/22#8107)

needs new tires, call Maddie 860-4745.

(06/12#8073) GE Refrigerater, runs great, looks OK, $35.00 Delivery available ex tra charge. Call 706-7931563. (06/12#8071) –––––––––––––––––––––––––––––––––––– Infiniti floor speakers, with tweeter, midrange, woofer and passive radiator, $125, Call 8698931. (06/05#8063) –––––––––––––––––––––––––––––––––––– Recliner, blue, fair condition $25.00. Dinet te table w/ 4 chairs $40.00 Call 706-868-9827.

(06/05#8064) –––––––––––––––––––––––––––––––––––– Sony five CD carousel with remote, box, manual, works great, $75, call 869-8931.

(06/05#8061) –––––––––––––––––––––––––––––––––––– Baritone Brass Instrument w/ case, good condition, $700.00 Please call 803-652-8312, between 7 pm & 9 pm. (05/29#8052) –––––––––––––––––––––––––––––––––––– Antique Sewing Machine Tables with oak tops. (40” X 20” & 30” X 30”) Excellant condition, $50 each. Call 706-868-1384 after 5 pm.

(05/29#8050) –––––––––––––––––––––––––––––––––––– Bicycle Built For Two - Trail-mate - red - excellant condition, $195.00 OBO 706-541-0656 (05/29#8051) –––––––––––––––––––––––––––––––––––– Adult DVD - 10 adult DVD’s $80.00 for all.

803-648-5360 (05/29#8053)

The Shack The CSRA’s Only All Night Place

1923 Walton Way Open Mon-Fri for Happy Hour @ 6:00pm with $1 off everything

(803) 441-0053 425 Carolina Springs Rd North Augusta, SC

Wed Garage Dance Party

Tues Rum Tuesday All Bacardi Drinks $3

Thu

Karaoke Dance Party with DJ Joe Steel. $2 bottled beer, $2.50 Cabana Boy Rum Drinks & 2-4-1 Shots

Fri

Spectral Erosa’s Goth Night with DJ Tryskl

Sat

Argos Angels’ Cabaret with Petite, Claire & Sasha.

Miscellaneous For Sale Black Jump Boots. Never Worn. $25.00 706798-7954 (07/24#8115) –––––––––––––––––––––––––––––––––––– Regency Crystal Police Scanner. Base or mobile, receives Aiken County agencies. $35.00. 706-798-7954. (07/17#8112) –––––––––––––––––––––––––––––––––––– Bedroom Suite, dresser, chest of drawers & headboard. All 3 pieces $50.00 912-829-3226 or 912-829-4556 (07/10#8105) –––––––––––––––––––––––––––––––––––– Snap-On IM51 Air Impact Wrench, 1/2” drive, good condition, $75.00. National Detroit DA Air Sander, good condition, $60.00 Ask for Larry (813)391-9580. (07/10#8106) –––––––––––––––––––––––––––––––––––– Tons of Cloth! All types/pat terns good grade material. Will sell all for $35.00, 912-829-3226 or 912-829-4556 (07/10#8104) –––––––––––––––––––––––––––––––––––– Dining Room Table - Never used, rectangular solid light wood. Seats 4-6, paid $200.00, sell for $75.00 OBO. Silver Sony CD Car Stereo, w/ remote, paid $200.00, sell for $75.00 OBO. 706-799-0417.

(06/26#8083)) –––––––––––––––––––––––––––––––––––– Black Magnum Lace up Boots. New, never worn. Per fect for public safety officers. Sizes 9 1/2 and 10. $30.00 each. 706-798-7954.

(06/26#8084) –––––––––––––––––––––––––––––––––––– Genuine English (Raleigh) Lightweight ladies touring bike. Very good condition. $35.00,

S P I R I T

COMING EVENTS

Fri, June 13

Argos is proud to present Lady Chablis Mr. Club Argos Mr. Georgia USA

Fri, June 20 Fri, July 4

Every weekend come see who is dancing in the cages!

Argos welcomes Gay, Lesbian, Bi, BDSM, Swingers, TVTS & all openminded patrons

Call us @ 481-8829 or email us at ClubArgos@aol.com

Wed Karaoke & 2-4-1 Frozen Margaritas & Coladas, $2 Bottled Beer Sun

Volley Ball @ 5:00, Karaoke @ 8:00 & Sasha’s Talent Show @ 12:30

Come have fun where the party doesn’t end at 3:00am!

... You’re Not Partying Resort Rentals Amelia Island, Florida 2 Bedroom 2 bath direct ocean front condo in the hear t of historical Fernandina Beach, Florida. A convenient location without the crowds.

736-7070 -----------560-8980 (05/29#8094)

Travel

THE COLISEUM

Premier Entertainment Complex & High Energy Dance Music Friday, May 30th Natalie Dawn Saturday, May 31st Juliana McVeigh Coming Friday, June 13th Hollywood Hunks Male Stippers

Drink Specials: WED $9 Wet N' Wild SAT All You Can Drink Well/Liquor/Draft $9

Open Mon-Fri 8pm-3am Sat 8pm-2:30am

Fri & Sat. No Cover Before 10 p.m.

1632 Walton Way • Augusta, GA

706-733-2603

Email: ColiseumAugusta@aol.com

Wheels

Dead Bodies Wanted

We want your dead junk or scrap car bodies.

We tow away and for some we pay.

706/829-2676

OR

706/798-9060

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Pajama & Lingerie Party doors open @ 8pm

by W O SH N O SHI A F RIE E G LIN e IRL h G t for Y& U s TES e A G z L i CO r pr ARING O o H o D D Y C RIES ST R O A M ER NT E B M W PLI STRA M & CO

LADIES ENJOY COMPLIMENTARY COCKTAILS TIL 10 PM

THE L THE ESS YO U W LES S Y OU EAR, PAY !!

The ultimate SUMMER

LINGERIE PARTY is here! DJ RICHIE RICH will be providing the SEXIEST MIX OF MUSIC ever heard at the SEXIEST

PARTY Augusta has ever witnessed. GUYS AND GIRLS

… DON’T BE SHY … come on out in your most DARING

BEDROOM ATTIRE and PREPARE TO PARTY. It will be a VICTORIA’S SECRET catalog come to life!

for vip and seating reservations, RSVP @ 706.303.9700 813 Broad • www.modjeskalounge.com