Metro Spirit 06.05.2003

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AUGUSTA STATE UNIVERSITY

Campus Visitation June 28 1:30 - 3 p.m.

Washington Hall

• Tour Campus • Meet Professors • Learn About Financial Aid • Talk with Admission Counselors

www.aug.edu

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How do you choose a hospital?

Choosing the highest quality health care for you and your family means choosing the best – the best doctors, the best technology, the best research, the best care. At MCG we deliver the best medicine – a level of care that can only be found at an academic medical center.

As the area’s only academic medical center, we attract the finest doctors from across the country and around the world. In fact, more specialists practice at MCG than at any other hospital in the region. We also conduct the research that results in medical breakthroughs, bringing the medicine of tomorrow to patient care today. And, we provide state-of-the-art technology, which makes diagnosis and treatment more accurate and effective. For the best health care, the choice is clear – MCG.

Tomorrow’s Medicine, Here Today.

SM

Medical College of Georgia Health System, Augusta GA

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Contents The Metropolitan Spirit

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W E E K LY

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M E T S P I R I T. C O M

ON THE COVER

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Cover Design: Stephanie Bell

2825 Washington Road Fairway Square ❘ Across from Books-A-Million 706-737-8805 ❘ 9-7 Mon-Thurs ❘ 9-6 Fri & Sat

FEATURES

Should Ken Kraemer Stay or Should He Go? The Driving Force Behind The Criticism By Brian Neill .................................................................................18

Honda Cars of Aiken

Downtown Buildings: It’s What’s Inside That Counts By Brian Neill ............................20

Opinion Whine Line ......................................................................6 Thumbs Up/Thumbs Down ............................................6 This Modern World .........................................................6 Words ...............................................................................8 Suburban Torture ............................................................9 Letters to the Editor .....................................................10 Austin Rhodes ...............................................................11 Insider ............................................................................12

Metro Beat

Are a car? car?

Areyou youhaving having difficulty difficulty buying buying a

UDAG Strikes Again ......................................................14 The Augusta Chronicle, Jayson Blair, and the Return of Phil Kent ...................................................................16

Arts

Things We May Never Know About The Lady Chablis .................................................................66

Things We May Never Know About The Lady Chablis............................66

Cinema

Movie Listings .............................................................68 Review: “2 Fast 2 Furious” ........................................72 Review: “Italian Job” ....................................................74 Movie Clock ..................................................................75

Music Music By Turner ............................................................76 Music Minis ...................................................................78 Night Life .......................................................................79

Stuff Food: Roux’s Catering ..................................................24 News of the Weird ........................................................82 Brezsny's Free Will Astrology ......................................83 New York Times Crossword Puzzle ............................83 Amy Alkon: The Advice Goddess ................................84 Date Maker ...................................................................85 Classifieds .....................................................................87

EDITOR & PUBLISHER David Vantrease ARTS & ENTERTAINMENT EDITOR Rhonda Jones STAFF WRITERS Stacey Eidson, Brian Neill ADVERTISING SALES MANAGER Joe White ACCOUNT EXECUTIVES Kriste Lindler PRODUCTION MANAGER Joe Smith GR APHIC ARTISTS Stephanie Bell, Natalie Holle ASSISTANT TO THE PUBLISHER Meli Gurley ACCOUNTING MANAGER/CLASSIFIEDS Sharon King ARTS & ENTERTAINMENT ASSISTANT Lisa Jordan CIRCULATION DIRECTOR Meli Gurley SENIOR MUSIC CONTRIBUTOR Ed Turner CONTRIBUTING WRITERS Chuck Shepherd, Rob Brezsny, Austin Rhodes, Amy Alkon, Rachel Deahl CARTOONISTS Tom Tomorrow, Julie Larson

THE METROPOLITAN SPIRIT is a free newspaper published weekly on Thursday, 52 weeks of the year. Editorial coverage includes ar ts, local issues, news, enter tainment, people, places and events. In our paper appear views from across the political and social spectrum. The views do not necessarily represent the views of the publishers. Visit us at www.metspirit.com. Copyright © The Metropolitan Spirit Inc. Reproduction or use without permission is prohibited.

Phone: (706) 738-1142 Fax: (706) 733-6663 E-mail: spirit@metspirit.com Letters to the Editor: P.O. Box 3809, Augusta, Ga. 30914-3809

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Whine Line S

omebody should rename Foxhall Circle to Burmeister Rut in honor of Rep. Burmeister (R-Augusta).

Those two guys on Eagle 102 in the afternoon stink. Someone needs to tell them that their humor is not funny. Come on Augusta. I can do a better job than they can and I would draw a bigger audience with my silky, sexy voice.

The Columbia County legislative delegation should be one of the most powerful in the Gold Dome, but it’s not. Harbin, Brush, and Fleming make up three-fourths of the delegation and are often laughed at in Atlanta. Behind the scenes they are commonly referred to as the Three Stooges. What a shame!

Thanks for nothing to the Richmond County officer doing security at a downtown strip club on the weekend. Yes, we had been drinking: It’s a bar. And yes she was sick: It happens. Your job as a police officer, is supposed to be to help us get a ride home, not getting in our faces and yelling at me to go get our car, knowing I was in no condition to drive. You are hopefully only a poor example of the officers in Augusta, and not one of the majority.

Has anyone else noticed that now, along with the possums and raccoons dead on the side of the interstate, we also have armadillos?

Since when were the armadillo native to Georgia and South Carolina?

We’ve lost eight American soldiers since Sunday! Is this the way the Iraqi people thank U.S. for freeing them from 25 years of tyranny? Shades of Cuba in the ‘60s!

Another back-stabbing from another people that we freed from tyranny!

I see no problem going ahead and giving this woman a driver’s license with her veil on.

Simply put it in her hands as she boards the plane back to where she came from.

Personally, I think Sonny Pittman would be an excellent choice to put in our Super District 10 Augusta Commission seat. Mr. Pittman does a great job of keeping the citizens informed, as he did with the long column he wrote in the daily paper to let us know about the various items in the new SPLOST proposal. It is more than any of the current commissioners have done for us.

Regarding your story on the new surface on the canal path: We don’t need anything like the ground-up asphalt the Canal Authority has decided to put down. Please write letters to the Canal Authority, Attn: Dayton Sherouse, and ask him not to do this. It is foreign to the area and ugly and hot. Stop whining and do something. I did; I wrote and asked them to stop. If he receives enough letters maybe we can win this one; if not we can start a grassroots group to stop it.

To the person whining about the RCSO on I-20 and I-520 writing speeding tickets.

First of all, the cars you see lined up are on special assignment. They are not the beat cars riding in your area. Plus they are only out during holidays, usually. Second, don’t speed and you have nothing to worry about.

To the person who said they never see any officers on I-20 catching speeders: Let’s see, on any given day we have one or two traffic cars working the north side. They need to respond to wrecks, DUIs, and any other call they are dispatched to. Now if you see them up there every day you would probably complain like the other person. Get over it. We don’t have the manpower to be on I-20 all day and night every day. And as far as hiring North Augusta: May as well, since that is all they do. But, wait. There is no crime in North Augusta is there?

I have found that there are many kind, caring residents of Augusta. I had a serious automobile accident in mid-October of ‘96.

Thumbs Up To the Augusta commissioners who unanimously voted to send letters to Georgia Attorney General Thurbert Baker to air their concerns and questions about the recently concluded special grand jury investigation. Even though some of the commissioners expressed doubt in achieving any real closure in the matter, it’s

surely a better recourse than the legalspeak, mumbo-jumbo they hear from local District Attorney Danny Craig each time they call him in front of the commission for explanation. They may get the same from Baker, but at least they’ve been vigilant and are not complacently letting the matter die.

Thumbs Down That the FCC, under the leadership of Secretary of State Colin Powell’s son, Michael Powell, just gave free rein to rampant consolidation of the media into the fewest hands. The politically motivated move (three of the FCC commissioners are Republicans, two are Democrats, and the June 2 vote came down that way), could very well mean citizens, even here in Augusta, are less likely to hear diverse viewpoints. You heard very little in the mainstream media leading up to the vote to lift the ban on how many media outlets a particular company could own. The last FCC public hearing, which was held in Atlanta and drew 500 citizens and both of the holdout FCC commissioners —

I was hospitalized from Oct. 10, 1996, through Jan. 13, 1997 in three different hospitals. I spent my holidays hospitalized, where we had all kinds of visitors! They

Michael Copps and Jonathan Adelstein — received no advance or after coverage from The Atlanta Journal-Constitution.

None. Here were two representatives from one of our government’s most powerful and far-reaching regulatory agencies at a well-attended public forum in the metro daily’s back yard, and no coverage.

Alas, it was the alternative press (Atlanta’s Creative Loafing) that covered the story.

The paper also pointed out that the absence of Constitution coverage was most likely due to the fact that its owner, Cox News Service, already a media empire, was ready to go shopping.

Locally, watch for Chronicle owner Billy Morris to do the same.

cheered us up. They caroled to us and brought us Christmas presents! They were great! Kudos Augusta!

After considering The Spirit’s list of possible selections by Governor Perdue to serve as a judge, I would eliminate two right off the top. Fleming and Steadman are Republicans In Name Only (RINOs).

The only real choice on your list from both a political and value point of view is Bobby Christine.

Thanks for printing my whine about the noise at the apartment complex. Maybe when I find out where the person lives I’ll send them to your yard so you can see how enjoyable it is. Not trying to be smart, but it is a royal pain to hear that alarm all the time! Great paper guys! Keep up the fantastic work!

Regarding your story on the new Performing Arts Center: If the arts groups can’t be in agreement how are they going to sell the idea of spending millions of dollars on a new venue? The citizens may go along with a sales tax to help pay for a new building but not if these bozos in the arts community can’t agree on the idea.

Come on people. Get on the same page.

Isn’t it time for the state of Georgia to resolve the mismanagement that took place at the East Georgia Mental Health Center?

To the person complaining about the 21year-old rap artist from Savannah who was involved in a drive-by getting more coverage in the news than the kid from South Carolina who won a geography bee. The reason he got four sentences in the news was because he was from South Carolina and won a geography bee!

HEALTH PAGE

After bemoaning the situation with the budget a few weeks ago, it now appears that a solution has been found. Call it what you will, but it looks like “money magic” to me. On top of that, our great Columbia County budgeters have found a way to increase spending by $7 million. Now that’s real magic! But why can’t Chairman Cross find a way to do what he promised—-install spending and fiscal conservatism within Columbia County?

The giant sucking sound you hear is the idea of renewing a 10-year sales tax going down the drain. The people who are pushing these ideas, especially the arena and the downtown performance theater, are not doing a very good job of convincing the community of the need for these new developments.

Cool books in the “Summer Reading Guide,” but why did you have to spoil everything by placing the anti-American continued on page 8

M E T R O

Take care of yourself. Let University help.

“HealthTalk” on WGAC-580 AM Tune in Monday, June 9, at 8:30 a.m. to hear Brian Phelan, M.D., a boardcertified cardiologist on University’s medical staff, discuss the new drugeluting stent.

Summer Special at Health Central Buy one membership and get another for half price, or try three months for $99!

Join Health Central, University’s wellness center, and make the move to a healthier you through exercise and lifestyle education programs.

Health Central offers an indoor pool and track, group cycling, yoga, kick box aerobics and weight training programs designed to meet any lifestyle. Offer good through June 30.

For more information, call 706/724-4408.

Online Pre-Registration Now Available Patients now have a more convenient and time-saving way to pre-register for procedures and tests at University Hospital. Online Pre-Registration is now available through our Web site.

The service is the first of its kind in the CSRA, and features a secure online registration form to be filled out electronically before coming to the hospital. The form is then submitted to Central Registration at the hospital, so when you arrive the day of the procedure or test, the information is already in the hospital system.

“This service helps patients avoid having to come in an extra hour early just to fill out forms. Now they can arrive within minutes of their appointment to give us two signatures and move to the service area,” said Carol Pascarella, Director of Access Services.

Online Pre-registration will also benefit you by: • Allowing us to communicate with your insurance company to verify benefits and eligibility, start precertification, obtain referrals and pre-authorization if needed, and resolve any insurance concerns before the date of your procedure.

• Informing you of financial obligations beforehand so you can plan for the unexpected.

• Eliminate discharge delays by letting you pay co-pays and co-insurance before your service. We are able to take your credit card payment in advance over the phone.

All information provided online is secure and confidential. Only patients whose physicians have already scheduled a procedure or test with University may preregister online. Pregnant patients may also pre-register online for their deliveries. While on the Web site, you can also click on “Outpatient Procedures” to learn about your specific procedure, how you should prepare, and what to expect afterwards.

To register online, log onto www.universityhealth.org and look for the links at the top and left side of the home page. Patients who do not have access to a computer can pre-register over the phone, by calling 706/774-2125.

Log on to learn more!

Visit University Health Care System’s Web site to: • Find a physician • Learn about our hospital and services • Get the latest health news and information on thousands of illnesses, conditions and pharmaceuticals • Check our calendar for special events and programming

For free 24-hour health information or to find a physician, call ASK-A-NURSE at 706/737-8423 (SER-VICE) or 800/476-7378.

It’s important to know that Democrats have no agenda and simply want to gripe about everything. Lowell Greenbaum is a perfect example of the sort of Democrats that actually exist in this town.

Bill Clinton wants to change the law! He wants to be president again! No thanks! If he were president, he’d have surrendered to Saddam! First Hillary! Then Arkansas!

Then the U.S.! No more Clintons please!

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University’s site receives more than 500,000 hits each month! During the months of May and June the first 200 people to sign up for HealthMail, our informative e-mail subscription, will receive a FREE mousepad.

HealthMail keeps you informed about upcoming community classes, screenings and events.

COMMUNITY EDUCATION Fresh Start Smoking Cessation Program June 3, 10, 17, 24 Noon-1 p.m.

University Hospital Cafeteria FREE Registration required.

Call 706/774-8900.

OB Tour Thursday, June 12 7-9:30 p.m.

University Hospital Women’s Center FREE Registration required.

Call 706/774-2825.

F OR FREE 24- HOUR

Breakfast with the Doctor: High Blood Pressure and Strokes Harold McGrade, M.D. Thursday, June 19 9-11 a.m.

University Hospital dining rooms 1-3 FREE for Seniors Club members, $3 for nonmembers Reservations required. Seating is limited to 80. Call 706/738-2580.

FREE Pulmonary Function Screenings Third Tuesday of each month June 17 1-3 p.m.

University Hospital Asthma Clinic Appointments required.

Call 706/774-5696.

Evening Community Education: Chest Pain and Heart Health William E. Callaghan, M.D. Thursday, June 19 Registration and dinner: 5:30 p.m.

Speaker: 6-7 p.m.

University Hospital dining rooms 1-3 $8 Seniors Club members, $9 advanced registration, $10 at the door Seating is limited to 75. For reservations and more information, call 706/736-0847.

FREE Mammograms Available Through a grant from the Avon Foundation Breast Care Fund, University Breast Health Center offers a FREE mammogram and education for any woman 40 or older who qualifies.

Call 706/774-4141.

Prostate Cancer Survivor Dinner Thursday, June 26 6 p.m.

University Hospital dining rooms 1-3 FREE Reservations required. Seating limited to 80 people. Call 706/738-2580.

HEALTH SCREENINGS

University Health Care System has been named the National Research Corporation’s Consumer Choice Award winner in the Augusta area for the fourth consecutive year.

SENIORS CLUB For information or to register for the following activities, call 706/738-2580 or 800/413-6652. Registration is required unless otherwise noted.

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SUPPORT GROUPS Diabetes Thursday, June 12 5 p.m.

S&S Cafeteria, North Augusta, S.C. Dutch treat.

For more information, call 706/774-5798.

Alzheimer’s Disease 7 p.m.

Alzheimer’s Association Augusta Chapter 1899 Central Ave. For dates call 706/731-9060.

Log on to learn more: www.universityhealth.org

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continued from page 7 Michael Moore on the front cover?

Moore’s book title should be changed to “stupid white male” in reference to the author.

You ever work with someone so hostile and ignorant, that they are yelling at you every minute, even something so simple as mopping? This is the hell of working in a fast-food restaurant. How about when a new employee gets hired (they go through them like tissue paper) and five minutes after they punch in all their friends are calling on the company line. “What are you doing?” They’re working! How do these people survive in life?

Those cop wannabe whiners make me laugh. There were two separate whines in last week’s paper, one complaining that there isn’t enough law enforcement presence at the I-20 state line area, and another one about too many patrol cars monitoring for speeding at the I-520 off-ramp into I20. Law enforcement is damned if they do, damned if they don’t. Police departments have a duty to protect the citizens and maintain peace and order by enforcing laws. That includes the task of handing out citations or verbal warnings to speeders. If you don’t like the way things are being handled by police, present a complaint through the proper office instead of whining about it. Even better, apply for the job and fix the problem yourself if you think you can do better.

Words “Surveillance and photographing protesters without a history of violence is an improper role for the police department and a deterrent to free-speech activity. Police officers’ time would be far better spent looking for murderers and rapists than following peaceful demonstrators. It’s a tremendous misuse of precious police resources.”

— Gerry Weber, legal director for the ACLU of Georgia, as quoted in a story in The Atlanta Journal-Constitution about Atlanta police in unmarked cars recently videotaping peaceful war protestors in the city.

If it weren’t for the Whine Line, I would need medication. Thanks, Spirit!

The Republicans do have a moral compass: It’s just pointed in the direction of the rich.

They just passed a tax cut in which one third of all taxpayers will get zero dollars and Mr. Bush will get $44,500 and Mr. Cheney will get $327,000. Then 11.9 million children of low-income families will not get the child tax credit because they don’t make enough. If you’re a professional with a good or great income you will get

the tax credit. These are the Republican standards; these are their goals, their Conservative agenda. Cut school programs?

Cut Medicare? Cut homeland security? I think they are a little mixed up.

The city of Augusta should consider building the new sports arena in downtown Augusta. A location to consider is between Broad Street, Reynolds Street and 13th Street. This entrance into Augusta could use some major work and a new sports arena would help the appearance of this

area. It would also have many streets for access in and out of the area for the arena.

If there is anyone out there who wants to know how we are paying the Richmond County Commission so much money for their cellular phones, come take a look at my vehicle registration for the renewal of my tag. It has gone up over 100 percent.

When I got my tag last year it was about $25; this year it is $107.36 for one tag, one, two door regular truck. We need to get together in Richmond County and get these people out of office, because between this and homeowners’ taxes going up, I don’t know what in the world it’s going to come to.

My whine is a Thumbs Down to The Spirit for its Thumbs Down on Thursday, May 29.

You say the Confederate flag rolling down the middle of Aiken, accompanied by the Sons of the Confederacy, was nauseating.

Well I want to know why everyone is so down on the Confederate flag, when there is nothing said about “Old Glory,” the U.S. flag we pledge allegiance to every day. Why don’t you have something in the paper about “Ol’ Glory” being used during the Civil War because it was used just as much as the Confederate flag was used. But no, you just want to down the Confederate flag because it was the heritage of the Southern people. Why don’t you stick that in your paper and smoke it? Then let’s see what people have to say about that.

I just need some information on how to get a pardon for somebody. Do you have to run back and forth across the state line speeding? Outrun the law and endanger many people’s lives? Shoot or aim a gun at someone? Run people out of your restroom? Or do you have to be famous?

Whom do you contact for this?

JULIE

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To the lady who says she’s never seen a violent crime committed on I-20 and doesn’t know why the cops were stopping people on I-20: Lady where are your eyes?

There are people who get killed on I-20; there is road rage on I-20; there are people missing on I-20 after experiencing car problems. I don’t know what rock you are under, but the cops are doing a good job.

MIMI COLEMAN & ALLEN GRINALDS ANNE MERTINS & LON FULGHOM ALICIA WRIGLEY & BRAD BOHANNAN

Come on, Dick Cheney. Come clean about your crooked business dealings and show some moral fiber and resign your office.

To the person calling the storm chasers imbeciles: I can’t wait to see in this week’s whines to see how many people write in to tell you what I am about tell you: “You’s stupid!”

The FBI and CIA can’t find Bin Laden but Eric Rudolph was caught by a rookie cop.

— Call our Whine Line at 510-2051 and leave your comments. We won’t use your name. Fax your whines by dialing (706) 733-6663 or e-mail your whines to whine@metspirit.com.

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Criticizes Letter-Writer and the President Dear Editor, I could not sit still and allow those vile, baseless assertions in the letter from Mr. Lawrence Smith you published last week to go unchallenged. Mr. Smith is going the route of most right-wing, fascist Republicans: They resort to name-calling, because they are not intelligent enough or are too lazy to think for themselves. If this man seriously thinks Dubya is an “honest and hard-working president,” he is getting all his news from Rush Limbaugh.

Let’s see how long it will take Dubya to finish the job of trashing our nation.

That’s the only thing he is working hard doing right now. And about Dubya’s being an honest man: I don’t believe the man can move his lips without lying! This administration will go down in history as the most corrupt in our history, all the way from the president on down. Mr. Lawrence Smith needs to do his homework and start thinking for himself.

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Austin Rhodes’ column of May 22nd is so stupid on so many different levels that it is difficult to know where to begin.

Austin’s statement that low-achieving, poor neighborhoods vote democratic, while high-achieving, rich neighborhoods vote republican may be true, but his theory that the former are stupid and the latter are smart reveals his underlying racism. Most of the people in these poor neighborhoods are black, so he is saying black people are lazy and stupid.

Here is another way to look at his theory.

Racist, rich people vote for Republicans, while poor victims of racism vote for Democrats. The fact that most of these conservatives would overwhelmingly vote for the return of a symbol of racial supremacy proves that they are racist. Just a generation ago, the federal government forced conservative Southerners to allow equal education, equal employment, and voting rights for blacks. Since there are millions of black

people still alive from this era, it proves that they are victims of racism.

Austin makes the claim that people who pay more taxes should have more voting power. This belief is based on incorrect assumptions and ignores the fact that we already had something like this. It was called the feudal system. The bad assumptions are these: People who pay more taxes earn more money and deserve more power, and they are becoming outnumbered by freeloaders. People can become rich by lying, cheating, stealing and inheriting.

They don’t deserve more power. Rich people already have more power by using bribery, and we live in a country controlled by corporate bribery. Welfare rolls are shrinking, which shows that Austin’s propaganda has little basis in reality, and his imaginary threat (of being outnumbered by welfare bums) is similar to Hitler’s imaginary threat of Jews polluting Aryan blood.

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Opinion: Austin Rhodes

U.S. Military Proves To Be Biggest Benedict Arnold to Their Own Retirees

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hey lied. They lied for years and years and years. And they lied to the one group of American citizens who deserve the truth more than any of us. Military retirees.

This week the U.S. Supreme Court refused to alter an Appeals Court ruling that affirmed the dirty little secret many leaders have known for years: The promises thousands of military recruiters made for generations when they guaranteed permanent free health care for military retirees and their dependents was never, ever backed up by American law. The bottom line: The promise was not worth the recruiting pamphlets they were printed in.

In recent years, recruiters knew they had to be far more vague in their promises than in the days when they were signing up young Americans to fight in world wars and police actions from the UK to the Far East.

Back in those times, the promise was as sharp and as clear as it could be: Give Uncle Sam 20 years of good service, and after that, you and yours will never have another worry about health care.

To a 17-year-old junior high-school drop-out from Zebulon, N. C., the promise was just what he needed to hear. He had seen his own father die a slow and painful death from an ailment that today could be cured by $15 worth of antibiotics. His father was a poor farmer with a large family to take care of, and spending money on medical attention for what he thought was a minor ailment was the last thing he was going to do. By the time his minor infection became major, there was nothing the county hospital could do for him. The fact that he was buried in what amounts to a potter’s field, courtesy of the county, haunted his son for the rest of his life.

The Army’s promises to this young tar heel recruit gave him the peace of mind he had always craved for his financial security and the wellbeing of his family. He knew that if he kept his end of the bargain, the U.S. government would certainly keep theirs.

And keep it he did. He kept it for 30 years.

He kept it through months of battle that saw his friends and brothers killed beside him. He kept it as his division landed on the beaches of Normandy, June 6, 1944. He kept it as shrapnel tore through his body during a firefight 10 days later in Cherbourg. He kept it as his wife, daughter, and newborn son waited for weeks for word of their father, who by the Army’s own admission had been “critically injured,” and whose future was in God’s hands.

The tar heel eventually recovered, but he carried the scars of those battles, in his body and his heart, until the day he died in 1982.

I may not have ever been moved, the way I was the day of his funeral. The 21-gun salute was startling, and stern, as it cut the air in Aiken County. It was a simple service, for a simple man. Sgt. Major Zebulon Allen Rhodes, my grandfather.

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Austin and Cheryl Rhodes on a recent trip to France. Rhodes wears his grandfather’s Army jacket. members, but there is no one I know who provided an absolute foolproof retirement benefit and perpetual care for his widow the way he did for his.

He never had the savvy or the cash to invest in real estate. He didn’t understand the stock market. But my grandfather knew the U.S. government would never, ever welsh on its promise of medical care for life for his wife.

He died comforted in the knowledge that he left her taken care of, solidly.

On my recent trip to France, I wore my grandfather’s Army jacket virtually everywhere I went. The picture you see here was taken at Honfleur, one of many French villages secured by the allied forces as they liberated France from the Nazis. The older folks I saw often smiled at the jacket. No doubt a few of them recognized the infantry patch that so many of them saw as they had their lives returned to them in 1944.

Daddy Zeb did what he did because it was his duty. That was in 1944. He stayed in the service three decades to ensure my grandmother would have the best care the Army could give her, in a promise backed by the U.S. government.

Even though I miss him, I thank God he never had to see the reality of the promises not kept. It would have broken his heart.

The time to fix this problem is now. If our leaders can deliver billions in relief to the rest of the world, we can find the $15 billion a year it takes to keep the promise we made to our most revered citizens. Contact your federal leaders today and demand they address the government’s lies. It is time to undo one of the great injustices in the history of our country.

— The views expressed in this column are the views of the writer and do not necessarily represent the views of the publisher. The archived Austin Rhodes columns can now be seen at www.wgac.com.

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eliable sources report that a move is underway to detach plans for a new civic arena and sports complex on Riverwatch Parkway from the other projects under discussion for the Special Purpose Local Option Sales Tax (SPLOST) referendum.

Several members of the citizens committee, tasked with evaluating requests for sales tax money, are afraid Augusta taxpayers will vote down the entire plan because of questions surrounding the new arena. A possible solution: Structure the ballot so voters can approve or reject spending money on the civic arena, independent of the various other capital improvement projects slated for funding under any renewed SPLOST plan.

In the current scenario, the arena, a performing arts center, a trade show and exhibit hall, a judicial center, city offices, a public works facility, and a few smaller requests are grouped together in a plan that calls for $330 million in future sales tax money. The arena is the most controversial project in the group and represents the single biggest financial investment.

Initial estimates suggest the facility will cost approximately $90 million.

At this point, there is no widespread support for the arena. Suggestions from Augusta officials, that Aiken County and Columbia County might provide money to help build the arena, have met resistance.

The lack of sold-out shows at the civic center downtown, along with the lousy management of the building by the Augusta-Richmond County Coliseum Authority, does not instill confidence among the electorate that a new building would drastically change the current entertainment and political environment.

Billy Morris And, the fact that the arena plans include a horse/stable complex for use during the Augusta Futurity and the National Barrel Horse Championship has raised a few eyebrows.

Billy Morris, CEO of Morris Communications and publisher of The Augusta Chronicle, is heavily involved in these events. That he has offered to contribute private money to pay for the stables at the new complex has not dispelled the notion that Morris is getting something for nothing.

Given these factors, it may be a good idea to treat the civic arena as a separate

issue rather than risk total rejection of the renewal of the sales tax. Several citizens committee members are coming to this conclusion. No doubt many people in favor of the other projects on the drawing board will be happy to see that happen.

Stay tuned.

Lowell Greenbaum and the Performing Arts Center Some members of the citizens committee reviewing the plans for SPLOST were surprised to see Lowell Greenbaum, chairman of Lowell Greenbaum the Performing Arts Center (PAC) committee, along for the ride on their recent bus trip to Columbus, Ga. The sales tax citizens committee, Augusta commissioners, and the media were invited on the trip to view the accomplishments of a Columbus sales tax-funded capital improvement program.

Several committee members were perturbed that Greenbaum went along because he spent a lot of his time lobbying for the PAC with his captive audience.

Was it a good idea for Greenbaum to tag along? Perhaps he influenced some decision-makers with his lobbying efforts.

Perhaps not. Only time will tell. One thing is for sure. Greenbaum’s efforts to promote the PAC are ruffling feathers.

Several people in the arts community and a few members of the sales tax citizens committee don’t like his style. More turbulence ahead.

Speaking of the Performing Arts Center This group is asking for sales tax money to build a new PAC but they also have a realistic plan to raise additional money from the private sector via a fundraising campaign. This aspect of the plan is making a positive impression on the citizens committee and adds credibility to the effort to build a new PAC. Now, if the various arts groups can avoid another fiasco like their contentious, disjointed presentation to the citizens committee and quit bickering among themselves, a new PAC could become a reality.

Especially if the civic arena is detached from the other projects.

—The views expressed in this column are the views of The Insider and do not necessarily represent the views of the publisher.

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MetroBeat UDAG Strikes Again

T

he Augusta Commission’s worst nightmare has returned.

The Urban Development Action Grant (UDAG) program has been a thorn in the side of the commission for years.

This now-defunct federal program created by the U.S. Department of Housing and Urban Development (HUD) was meant to provide citizens, who would not otherwise qualify for bank loans, with federal funding to develop projects that would revitalize economically depressed areas around the country.

The UDAG program was eventually abolished at the federal level, but locally there were still several outstanding loans in Augusta that had to be repaid.

Through the years, the Augusta Commission has accepted prepayment of many of the city’s outstanding UDAG loans.

Probably the most familiar prepayment of a UDAG loan to Augustans is the $7.5 million loan provided to Augusta Riverfront Limited Partnership.

In 1989, the Augusta Riverfront Limited Partnership was formed to develop the Radisson Hotel and the Riverfront office building on 10th Street. At the time, the partnership was made up of several private organizations with the main investor being the Azalea Development Corp. – an affiliate of Morris Communications Corp.

In conjunction with the construction of the Radisson in 1992, a public conference center and a parking garage was built on nearby land owned by the partnership.

Financing for the project included a $7.56 million UDAG loan from HUD, as well as a $17 million loan from First

BY STACEY EIDSON

Union Bank and another $13 million from the city to construct the conference center, parking garage and Riverwalk expansion.

The result of this deal was the completion of Augusta’s Riverwalk, Radisson and the Riverfront office building.

However, in 1998, Paul Simon, representing the Augusta Riverfront Limited Partnership – which, by then, was fully controlled by Morris Communications – offered the city a new deal.

Instead of paying the city back for the $7.56 million UDAG loan within the agreed-upon 30-year term of the loan, Simon asked the Augusta Commission to forgive the partnership the $7.56 million loan in exchange for William S. Morris III, publisher of The Augusta Chronicle and owner of Morris Communications, constructing a Country Suites on Ninth Street and expanding the city’s existing conference center approximately 30,000 square feet.

Simon said the value of the conference center’s expansion to the city would be approximately $3.25 million.

The commission reluctantly agreed to the deal.

But Morris wasn’t the only one looking to renegotiate his loan.

In 1998, the Partridge Inn also convinced the commission to take an early payoff of $738,000 for its UDAG loan.

And this week, the Augusta Commission received a new offer.

On June 2, Ashby Krouse, president of Mark Development Company, proposed prepaying $150,000 for an outstanding UDAG loan on Landmark Apartments, located at 505 13th Street.

The Landmark Apartments was origi-

nally given a $500,000 loan back in 1984. However, in February 1997, the commission approved the refinancing of Landmark Apartments’ mortgage and now, the current outstanding balance on the UDAG loan is approximately $354,960. The loan is scheduled to run through April 2023.

According to Warren Smith, director of

the city’s housing department, Landmark Apartments, under HUD guidelines, is only required to make payments toward the UDAG loan out of any excess cash generated from the property.

As a result of that stipulation, the city is not currently receiving payment toward the UDAG loan.

“As far as this deal resembling anything like kissing your sister, I think this one is a little deeper than kissing your sister. It’s more like sleeping with your sister.”

– Augusta Commissioner Willie Mays

Therefore, Smith’s recommendation was, in effect, to take the $150,000 and run.

While most commissioners understood Smith’s recommendation, a number of commissioners felt that the mere payment of $150,000 was simply not good enough.

“Maybe it is a good deal to receive $150,000 if that’s all we are going to get,” Augusta Commissioner Willie Mays said. “But then what? Do we then start telling the tax commissioner to go out there and get whatever he can from payments that are owed?”

Mays joked that maybe the commission should just have a huge spring cleaning sale and whatever type of debt a citizen owes the city, they could come down to the municipal building and simply pay whatever they could afford.

“I think what we are doing here, gentlemen, is talking about the integrity of the entire (UDAG) program,” Mays said.

Mays also said that the manner in which this proposed prepayment of the loan was sprung on the commission, “doesn’t pass the smell test.”

“James Brown never had a hit record that was this funky,” Mays said, adding that this UDAG deal was about as appealing as getting an offer to kiss your own sister. “As far as this deal resembling anything like kissing your sister, I think this one is a little deeper than kissing your sister. It’s more like sleeping with your sister.”

Augusta Commissioner Andy Cheek understood Mays’ frustration with the prepayment of the UDAG loans, but he felt like the commission had no other choice.

“I am equally disgusted by some of the things that I’ve seen while I was here concerning these loans like the unequal approach to the collection of loans and forgivable loans,” Cheek said.

“But this is a situation where we have the opportunity to have this ($150,000) income to use in other areas or, based on my understanding of the contract’s language, have the opportunity to get zero dollars.

“Let’s not walk away today with empty pockets.”

Augusta Commissioner Marion Williams wondered how the city could ever agree to a contract that basically said if a business doesn’t show a profit, it doesn’t have to make payments on the UDAG loan.

“How can we sit here and tell a business, ‘If you make no money, you ain’t got to pay us’?” Williams asked. “If I was a businessman, I would never show a profit.”

County Attorney Jim Wall explained to Williams that the contract was based on HUD provisions, not guidelines that were created locally.

But Williams didn’t care. He said it was unreasonable for the commission to accept only $150,000 on what was once a $500,000 loan.

“If you are going to rob me, take everything,” Williams said. “Don’t leave me with my shorts on and that’s all.

Take it all.”

The commission voted three different times, trying to either approve or deny the proposed $150,000 prepayment. All three motions failed to receive the necessary six votes from commissioners.

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Metro Beat

The Augusta Chronicle, Jayson Blair, and the Return of Phil Kent

M

uch like every other daily newspaper in the country, The Augusta Chronicle’s editorial staff couldn’t help but dole out its two cents on the mindboggling tale of Jayson Blair, the former New York Times reporter who was fired for committing probably the worst case of journalistic fraud in this nation’s history.

During the five years that he wrote for The New York Times, it was discovered that Blair was responsible for what the newspaper has described as “widespread fabrication and plagiarism” – a cardinal sin in journalism.

In the weeks following the Blair fallout, the editorial page of The Augusta Chronicle wrote two editorials on journalism’s latest controversy.

The first editorial entitled, “The damage they’ve done,” described Blair’s unethical behavior as a rare phenomenon in the world of journalism.

“Few of us, if any, who have spent the entirety of our work lives in the news business have ever run across anyone with anything close to the sociopathic ethics of this disgraced former New York Times reporter accused of making up stories and quotes and faking datelines and travels,” the May 16 editorial stated.

It went on to assure readers that The Chronicle editors relentlessly review stories before the papers “ever see the light of day on your driveway.”

As for The Times’ controversy, the editorial stated that Blair’s editors were negligent for not immediately discovering the plagiarism and deceit.

“His (Blair) should not be the only head to roll at The New York Times,” the editorial stated.

Such commentary coming from The Augusta Chronicle’s editorial page couldn’t help but produce a few chuckles from longtime readers of the daily newspaper.

Was this not the same editorial page that a few years back was forced to print an apology from its then-editorial page editor Phil Kent concerning a column he wrote on capital punishment that, somehow, closely resembled a story by Pat Buchanan that ran in a 1989 Reader’s Digest?

“One of the worst mistakes a journalist can

“

make is to employ someone else’s words in a piece and not give attribution. That unfortunately happened in a recent editorial on capital punishment,” Kent wrote in March of 1998, in a statement called, “A correction and apology.”

“That this occurred due to sloppy editing doesn’t take away from the fact that, in the end, your editor failed to credit some sentences to a quote found in a 1989 Readers’ Digest by columnist Pat Buchanan,” Kent added.

In 1998, after obtaining Buchanan’s Reader’s Digest story, The Spirit discovered that what Kent described as merely not attributing “some sentences to a quote,” in reality, turned out to be a bit more.

Here is what The Spirit found: A portion of Mr. Kent’s 1998 editorial read: “If we were to abolish capital punishment for cold-blooded killers like Tucker, we tell potential murderers that, no matter what he or she may do to innocent people in society’s custody, their most treasured possession, his or her life, is secure. We guarantee it — in advance.

Buchanan’s quote in the 1989 Reader’s Digest read: “When we outlaw the death penalty, we tell the murderer that, no matter what he may do to innocent people in our custody and care, women, children, old people, his most treasured possession, his life, is secure. We guarantee it — in advance.’’

Another portion of Kent’s editorial read: “Just as a nation that declares that nothing will make it go to war finds itself at the mercy of warlike regimes, so a society that will not put the worst of its criminals — male or female — to death will find itself at the mercy of vicious animals who have no qualms about killing innocent men, women or children.”

And in Buchanan’s words: “Just as a nation that declares that nothing will make it go to war finds itself at the mercy of warlike regimes, so a society that will not put the worst of its criminals to death will find itself at the mercy of criminals who

By Stacey Eidson

have no qualms about putting innocent people to death.’’

And again, to be clear, there was no mention of Buchanan, even in passing, in Kent’s column.

Kent told readers such a “gross error” would not be taken lightly and pledged to “rededicate” himself to checking quotes for proper documentation in the future.

Not long after this episode, Kent became the newspaper’s senior editorial writer and no longer held the title of editorial page editor for The Chronicle.

So, why bring all of this back up now?

Well, The Spirit might have let The Chronicle’s commentary on the Blair controversy slide if the editorial staff had stopped with just one editorial, but more than a week later a second editorial called “Unbelievable” appeared.

This editorial expressed the newspaper’s horror that Blair is now reportedly trying to cash in on his deception of The New York Times.

“Many people are shocked and awed that disgraced reporter Jayson Blair, who quit The New York Times after being exposed as a plagiarist and liar, is now looking to get rich peddling a book and TV movie about his experience,” the May 28 editorial stated.

“It’s a sorry commentary on our times when men who seem incapable of uttering one word that anyone can believe, capitalize on their frauds and deceptions to become rich and famous,” the editorial added in conclusion. “What are most people, who seek success via hard work, honesty and integrity, to make of that?”

Now, in no way is The Spirit comparing Kent’s “sloppy editing” to Blair’s years of plagiarism and lies, but it should be pointed out that after Kent’s misstep, one can’t help but notice that the former editorial page editor appears to have successfully landed on his feet.

Kent is now president of Atlanta’s ultraconservative group, the Southeastern Legal Foundation, and has appeared as a guest speaker on various national programs such as “The O’Reilly Factor” on FOX News and MSNBC’s now defunct “Phil Donahue Show.”

Phil Kent Just this year, Kent released his first book entitled, “The Dark Side of Liberalism: Unchaining The Truth.”

And to the amusement of those at The Spirit, it was discovered that Kent was scheduled to be a guest on Atlanta news station, WXIA-TV, 11Alive, with Denis O’Hayer, on June 1 to discuss “the ramifications of Jayson Blair, the New York Times reporter caught fabricating the news,” according to the Southeastern Legal Foundation’s Web site.

However, when The Spirit called 11Alive to see what time Kent’s interview would be broadcasted, O’Hayer said that, regretfully, Kent’s scheduled appearance had been preempted by last weekend’s coverage of the French Open.

But O’Hayer said he was still hoping to reschedule the interview.

The Spirit will keep readers updated on any future 11Alive appearance by Kent, because, after all, who wouldn’t want to hear Kent’s thoughts on plagiarism and ethics in journalism?

“One of the worst mistakes a journalist can make is to employ someone else’s words in a piece and not give attribution.”

– Phil Kent, former editorial page editor for The Augusta Chronicle writing in a March 1998 correction and apology

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Should Ken Kraemer Stay or Should He Go?

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THE DRIVING FORCE BEHIND THE CRITICISM

T

he message from a number of members on the Augusta Aviation Commission is clear: Augusta Regional Airport Director Ken Kraemer deserves nothing more than a one-way ticket on the next flight out of town.

The only problem is, those aviation commissioners dissatisfied with Kraemer’s performance at the airport do not speak for the majority of the commission.

On May 29, following a more than one-hour-plus legal meeting behind closed doors, Kraemer’s critics were shocked to learn that they did not have enough support on the board to oust the airport director.

However, just one week after that meeting, it is clear, those aviation commissioners wanting Kraemer gone are not giving up.

In fact, many seem more determined than ever to prove to the rest of the board and all of Augusta that Kraemer isn’t the strong, motivated leader they thought they were hiring almost two years ago.

Therefore, in order to show the community that Kraemer isn’t the angel he appears to be at Rotary meetings and public speaking engagements, a number of accusations by some aviation commissioners against Kraemer have found their way to the Augusta Commission.

For example, several Augusta commissioners learned this week that on Aug. 3, 2002, they approved the purchase of a 2003 Ford Explorer for Kraemer’s use as director of the airport.

However, what many commissioners apparently did not know was that the

Explorer they provided Kraemer with was actually an Eddie Bauer Edition SUV with a price tag of $31,147.

When the Augusta Commission voted on Kraemer’s vehicle, the price of the Explorer was listed; however, some commissioners were outraged to discover it was an Eddie Bauer Edition.

“I had no idea that he was toting around a car like that,” said Augusta Commissioner Marion Williams, who has been highly critical of the number of city vehicles purchased for employee use. “I can’t see why any airport director would need an Eddie Bauer Edition car. This man makes over $115,000 a year.

Where’s his personal car? I mean, I can see paying gas mileage, but when you are talking about an Eddie Bauer Edition with all of the trimmings, that’s just not right.”

“And Mr. Kraemer is crazy if he thinks we approved it knowing what it is,” Williams added. “Just because this is airport money and not taxpayers’ money doesn’t mean he has the right to abuse it.”

Williams said that the aviation commission needs to come before the Augusta Commission and explain how this vehicle was purchased.

Cedric Johnson, chairman of the aviation commission, said that, to the best of his knowledge, the vehicle was not approved by the aviation commission or its finance committee.

“I remember we put the money for the vehicle in the airport’s budget two years ago, but we told Mr. Kraemer that we were not going to purchase the vehicle at that point,” Johnson said. “So, I’m not sure how it was purchased. I have not had the opportunity to talk to Mr.

“You must understand, if I’m always worried about my job security, I’m not going to be able to do my job.”

– Augusta Regional Airport Director Ken Kraemer

Kraemer about it, but I did see some information about the vehicle purchase.

The fact that it was over $31,000, I have some great concerns about that.”

By contrast, two other Ford Explorers purchased by the city around the same time cost only $23,653.

Johnson assumed the request for the vehicle was sent directly to the Augusta Commission because Kraemer is required to get the commission’s approval for any purchase of more than $10,000.

“But also, anything over $10,000 should have to come before our finance committee and the full aviation commission for approval, which it did not,” Johnson said. “So, I think what we have to do is look at our policies and procedures and make sure that things like this don’t happen again.

“After all, we have policies and procedures that we expect our employees to go by and when we have some kind of break like this, it is of a great concern.”

Johnson also agreed with Williams, saying that he didn’t believe the Augusta

Commission was aware it had voted for an Eddie Bauer model SUV or that the aviation commission had not approved the purchase.

“I think the Augusta Commission probably thought it was approved by our board,” Johnson said. “They wouldn’t have approved that unless they thought we had approved it.”

When asked about his Eddie Bauer Edition Ford Explorer, Kraemer was clearly disappointed to hear that such rumors of alleged wrongdoings committed by him were spreading throughout the city.

“All I can say is, the vehicle was approved in the airport’s budget,” Kraemer said. “Once items are approved in the budget, we don’t take them back to the aviation commission. That’s standard operating procedure. We only take those items to the downtown (Augusta) commission when necessary. So, that item went downtown and it was approved by the downtown commission.”

Kraemer added that the city’s fleet

(By Stacey Eidson)

19

management department recommended the Eddie Bauer Edition vehicle for him, calling it an “executive vehicle.”

But Johnson said that, just because an item is placed in the airport’s budget, doesn’t mean that Kraemer is automatically allowed to purchase that item.

“We have contracts with consultants and other monies that are budgeted, but before the money is actually spent, if it’s over $10,000, it comes back before the finance committee and then the aviation commission,” Johnson said. “Then, we either agree or disagree to spend that money.”

Augusta Commissioner Richard Colclough, who is the commission’s liaison for the airport, attended last month’s meeting and heard the discussions of Kraemer’s SUV in the closed-door meeting.

According to Colclough, Kraemer has apparently done nothing wrong.

“Fleet management brought the item before the (Augusta) commission and we approved it,” Colclough said. “So, he’s (Kraemer) driving it legally.”

But, while Colclough said Kraemer appears to have received proper approval from the Augusta Commission for the vehicle, he was still disappointed that it was such an expensive car.

“He could have been given a regular SUV,” Colclough said. “I didn’t know it was an Eddie Bauer. I mean, money is tight right now, and we don’t need people splurging when everybody else is pinching pennies. I think everyone would like an Eddie Bauer vehicle; I’d like one, but we can’t just go around buying whatever type of vehicle we like.”

As Kraemer’s critics are trying to mount another charge to get rid of him as airport director by next month’s meeting, a citizens’ group is trying to combat such an attack by voicing their support of Kraemer.

Paul Fuehrer, an airport tenant, has put together a petition that he attempted to present to the aviation commission on May 29.

But before Fuehrer was allowed to explain the purpose of the petition, aviation commissioner Sheila Paulk requested that Fuehrer not be allowed to speak because he wasn’t properly placed on the meeting’s agenda.

However, after the meeting, Fuehrer

explained that he represents one of the largest tenants at the airport. And like many other people working on a daily basis inside the terminal, Fuehrer said he believes Kraemer is a true professional, who is always concerned about the needs of the airport’s passengers and employees.

At the May meeting, Fuehrer said, he already had 102 signatures of support for Kraemer that he had collected over a three-day period.

“This petition is still active,” Fuehrer said. “And the reason why we’re circulating the petition is that recent media reports and public speculation regarding Mr. Kraemer’s job performance has inspired the entire airport family to voice their support of him.”

It should be noted, that during the aviation commission’s legal meeting to discuss the possible termination of Kraemer, the majority of the airport’s administrative staff waited outside the meeting with Kraemer to learn of his fate.

According to Fuehrer, the aviation commission has no idea how many people support Kraemer at the airport.

“Whenever there is a problem, he addresses it immediately,” Fuehrer said.

“He has done a lot that, quite frankly, the aviation commissioners don’t see because they come out here once a month.

“Personally, I think the aviation commission is set up to do a check and balance of the airport director. Not to run the airport.”

Kraemer said he would not comment on the criticism.

“I still feel that it is not proper for me to make disparaging remarks about the people that I work for,” Kraemer said. “It’s against my professional ethics to do so. ... But I think it’s all just a matter of misperception and I always feel that the truth will set you free.”

When asked how much longer he will put up with certain aviation commissioners trying to damage his reputation, Kraemer explained that, as airport director, he is a public servant and therefore answerable to the volunteer board consisting of local citizens.

“You must understand, if I’m always worried about my job security, I’m not going to be able to do my job,” Kraemer said. “So, I’ll put up with it as much as the aviation commission wants to give.”

“After all, we have policies and procedures that we expect our employees to go by and when we have some kind of break like this, it is of a great concern.”

– Augusta Aviation Commission Chairman Cedric Johnson

M E T R O

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Downtown Buildings:

M E T R O S P I R I T

It’s What’s Inside That Counts

J U N E 5 2 0 0 3

By Brian Neill

R

ichmond County License and Inspection Director Rob Sherman gazed up at the former JC Penney building on Broad Street and noticed a tree was growing from the rooftop.

He thought it looked too big to be a potted plant.

“I suspect it’s just a roof that’s gotten built up with silt and that tree’s taken off growing,” Sherman said on this recent Friday morning. “If that’s doing that, then probably, other things could be going on.

With all those (broken) windows open, surely, rain’s going in.”

After taking an elevator to the top of an adjacent building in order to look down on the structure in question, Sherman’s suspicions were confirmed.

A large, thriving, bushy tree was growing from the roof’s gravel surface, just down from several substantial pools of standing water. Many of the glass windows along the second story of the

building were either broken or had fallen out of their ornate brick frames, completely. A heavy dappling of pigeon droppings on the surface of one caved-in window seemed a sure indication that the birds had found a cozy residence within the structure, Sherman said.

This building, Sherman remarked, definitely deserved a look inside.

Since another building on Broad Street that once housed the Augusta Hotel collapsed in mid-May, Sherman’s department has been working to ensure the integrity of the inner and outer structures of some downtown buildings.

Letters have already gone out to roughly a dozen downtown property owners whose buildings are either in visible disrepair or have merely been vacant for an extended time.

In addition to the old JC Penney’s building, owned by Bonnie Ruben, other buildings Sherman and his staff are anxious to inspect include the old Miller Theater,

the former J.B. White building, the former Woolworth’s department store and the building that houses Fantasy’s strip club.

In the past, Sherman said, the license and inspection department has been satisfied if owners of tenantless buildings secured them in an aesthetically pleasing manner, such as with painted, lumber panels that approximated the buildings’ exteriors.

But in light of the Augusta Hotel building collapsing, it’s important for inspectors to get inside the structures to ensure they are free of defects like rotting wood and cracks that could cause them to collapse, Sherman said.

“Because of what has happened, it’s taken on a new light in how we have to look at it, especially because they’re (buildings) right on the right-of-way,” Sherman said. “There’s that potential that that one down there (Augusta Hotel), you know, worst-case scenario, could have fallen out onto somebody.”

Aside from the safety issue, Sherman

said he feels it’s also time for downtown building owners to start taking more pride in their properties, with an eye toward marketing them in the future.

Sherman said he thinks that with the near-future arrival of Richmond County school board employees in their new offices in the old Davidson’s building, coupled with a steady flow of small businesses cropping up downtown, buildings that have long stood empty will likely be getting fresh looks from those seeking to invest.

And broken windows and graffitied facades aren’t strong selling points.

“We don’t want to tell them they have to go inside and fix up the building and make it all nice and clean and presentable, because they don’t know what type tenant they’re going to get,” Sherman said. “But on the exterior, from the outside, they need to put the glass back in, and they can put the paper behind it or they can paint continued on page 22

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“Because of what has happened, it’s taken on a new light in how we have to look at it, especially because they’re (buildings) right on the rightof-way ... There’s that potential that that one down there (Augusta Hotel), you know, worst-case scenario, could have fallen out onto somebody.”

M E T R O S P I R I T J U N E 5 2 0 0 3

— Rob Sherman, Richmond County license and inspection director.

Rob Sherman points to a large tree growing from the roof of the former JC Penney building.

continued from page 20 the inside of the glass if they want to. Just make the building presentable.”

Sherman, however, knows that won’t be a popular mandate with building owners who have repeatedly had their glass-panel storefronts smashed out by vandals.

Ruben, who was slated to receive inspection request letters for the JC Penney building, the former Kress building and

the site of what was formerly The Bayou restaurant and nightclub, which caught fire, counts herself as one of those.

“I tried to keep the glass in the (JC Penney) building for the very reason they’re talking about putting glass back now,” Ruben said. “That’s the reason I always liked the glass in the building, but it certainly didn’t help get the building rented any sooner. And it was a constant, ongoing source of expense to keep

These are the property owners receiving letters requesting interior inspections by license and inspection officials: 840 Broad St.

George R. Sibley Jr. (former Census 2000 headquarters)

904 Broad St.

Bonnie Ruben (formerly The Bayou)

708 Broad St.

Homer H. Boyd (Miller Theater)

578 Broad St.

Victor O. Crenshaw (Fantasy’s)

670 Broad St.

David S. Copenhaver (Commerce Building)

834 Broad St.

Bonnie Ruben (former Kress building)

930 Broad St.

Chattooga Partners LLLP (former J.B. White, owned by Clayton P. Boardman, III)

802 Broad St.

Jimmy Martin (former Woolworth’s)

732 Broad St.

Bonnie Ruben (former JC Penney)

111 Fifth St.

Augusta Blueprint & Microfilm, Inc.

(replacing glass), which I’ve done probably a dozen times.”

Ruben said the large glass panels that fit the old JC Penney storefront easily cost several hundred dollars apiece.

“As soon as you put the glass back, they don’t hardly let it stay there for a couple of weeks before it’s broken again,” Ruben said. “So, it’s kind of ridiculous.”

“We need some more police on Broad Street to stop the vandalism and to stop the graffiti,” Ruben added. “The graffiti has really gotten to be a problem on Broad Street and Ellis Street. Let me tell you ... it’s hard to get that stuff off your building, no matter what you cover it with. The residue still is there and that costs hundreds of dollars to take care of, too.”

Ruben said she had seen the tree growing out of her roof on the former JC Penney building, but doesn’t think it will pose a problem.

“It’s still a concrete, very sturdy roof deck, and we could cut down the tree, but it really isn’t hurting anything yet,” Ruben said. “Actually, I’d love to have a rooftop restaurant on the second-floor roof. The tree’s kind of pretty.”

Asked if she would respond to repair requests, if made by code enforcement officials, Ruben replied, “I don’t know. It depends on what basis they have and what reasons they have. But I’m pretty reasonable.”

Ruben added that she sincerely wants to develop both the JC Penney building and the former Kress building in the 800 block of Broad Street, but has yet to see an economic climate that would allow it.

She compared the situation to homeownership.

“If you have a home in a $200,000 neighborhood, should you be asked to fix

it up to where it’s worth a million dollars?” Ruben asked. “And if so, who are you going to sell it to? That’s about what it’s like down here.”

Sherman also noted a broken-out window on the second floor of the building that houses Fantasy’s, on the 500 block of Broad Street.

The owner, listed in property records as Victor O. Crenshaw, did not return a phone call to The Spirit.

The former Woolworth’s building, owned by one-time video poker operator, Jimmy Martin, also has some broken glass and extensive graffiti on its facade, Sherman pointed out.

Attempts to reach Martin for comment were unsuccessful.

Sherman said the Miller Theater, with the exception of a light dose of graffiti, looked in pretty good shape in terms of being secure and its exterior being structurally sound, but he still wants to inspect the interior because no one has occupied the building for many years.

The same was true for the former J.B. White, owned by Chattooga Partners, LLLP, registered with the Georgia secretary of state’s office under the name of local businessman Clayton P. Boardman, III (developer of Enterprise Mill).

Although plans to develop the J.B. White site into loft apartments and retail spaces have dragged on for several years now, Sherman said the facade of the building has been kept in good shape.

Still, Sherman said, he’d like to know what’s going on inside.

“They probably have been taking care of it, because they’ve been trying to come up with some plans for it,” Sherman said.

“But we probably need to look in it, just because it also has been vacant.”

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R

oux’s owner Robert Williams is proud of the menus that his business offers. “We’re a full-service catering company, so we do pretty much everything,” he said. They offer a Cajun menu, a Southern traditional menu, Caribbean, Southwestern, Mediterranean – even Hawaiian!

“The themed menus have gotten to be popular menus to choose,” he said, although there is the option of custom designing your own.

“We do corporate and social catering – inhome functions as well as on- and off-premise things,” he said. Roux’s specializes in custom-design weddings.

Their full-service approach allows Roux’s to be a point of contact for all your entertainment needs.

“We can help people with specialty rental items as well as floral, wedding cakes, helping folks find the right entertainment,” Williams said. “We work with all these people around town and we try to help clients find someone to suit their needs.”

That means it’s a good idea to call Roux’s first when planning an event.

They also have use of the Marbury Center at the historic old firehouse headquarters on Broad Street. If you choose to have Roux’s cater your event there, then you’ve got your facility and your catering in one place. “Not every catering company in Augusta offers onpremise catering,” he said. “It enables us to offer more competitive prices.”

The private courtyard at the Marbury Center comes equipped with dramatic theater lighting, and the firetruck doors are still operational, so that during nice weather, you can throw them wide and have an open-air facility.

Williams wants to emphasize, however, Roux’s flexibility when it comes to giving you and your guests the menu that you want.

“One of the things, too, that makes us unique,

is our custom-created menus,” he said. “You can choose from a variety of some of the more popular items, to create a custom menu package. A few of our more popular items are the smoked chicken quesadillas, and tequila and lime-poached salmon. Also the grilled portabella mushrooms and shrimp and andouille skewers. The California rolls have gotten to be trendy, as well as Pacific Rim items like the sesame-ginger chicken skewers and pork and scallion spring rolls.”

That’s enough to make you want to throw a party just for the heck of it.

They also offer a full menu of office lunches with sandwiches and pasta dishes. The most popular are the Express Hot Lunches with a blend of traditional Southern items like meatloaf, barbecue chicken, macaroni and cheese and lima beans. They also offer more contemporary items like apple grilled chicken with wild mushroom sauce and blackened chicken with Creole sauce and dirty rice, and these menus carry the same flexibility as the other menus, allowing clients to request custom items not on the lunch menu. Roux’s delivers to the office, sets it up with everything you need, including ice, and then comes back and cleans up after lunch.

They need 48 hours notice on custom lunch orders.

It was his love of cooking that caused Williams to create the company. “I’ve been in the restaurant business for about 15 years now.

I’ve been catering for probably 10 years now, and I opened Roux’s catering six years ago. One of the reasons we went toward the catering business, is that I saw a need for catering in Augusta that offered some flexibility with menus and good quality, freshly prepared foods.”

If you would like to choose Roux’s, give him a call at 724-2218. Your guests will never stop talking about it.

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65 M E T R O S P I R I T J U N E

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Arts

& Entertainment

Things We May Never Know About The Lady Chablis

By Rhonda Jones

S

igh. Big, long, drawn-out sigh.

It’s been a long time since I’ve started a story with such a pity-inducing sigh. Years maybe. Maybe forever. But this time, it’s very, very necessary.

I was going to speak with The Lady Chablis. You know, of “Midnight in the Garden of Good and Evil” fame. The Club One diva of Savannah who has found fame by hiding her candy. She even wrote her very own book. And I was going to talk to her.

She’s coming to town, you know.

I was going to ask her all sorts of interesting questions, too. We were going to have a conversation. Girl-talk.

Life, love, the universe. Everything. But that didn’t happen.

Drag divas can lead pretty busy lives, you know. At the moment, her manager said, she is performing at the Spoleto Festival in Charleston, S.C. I was going to ask her about her life as a performer, where she’s been, and where she hopes to go. How appearing in “Midnight in the Garden of Good and Evil” affected her celebrity status. If it changed things very much.

Now I suppose I’ll never know, unless she gives some other journalist my interview. Oh, well. Those are the breaks.

But you should know that it is entirely her fault that you are being forced to listen to the slightly demented ramblings of a sleep-deprived writer on deadline. You should also know that my tongue is planted so firmly in my cheek that it’s threatening to bore a hole straight through.

I was going to ask about the term “drag queen” and how she feels about it. Her manager – his name is Tim Abrahamsen, by the way – assures me that she doesn’t care for the term at all. I didn’t think she would. The only reason I’d planned to ask was that she refers to herself as such in the introduction on her Web site.

“All you have to know about it for now is that I am the outrageously charming black drag queen who stole the two best chapters in it…” she writes about the book that made her famous.

Well, more famous than she probably already was in her little corner of the world.

I was going to ask her to define herself,

The Lady Chablis, grand empress of Savannah, will perform at Club Argos on Walton Way, June 13. apart from her life as a female impersonator. Apart from her life as a performer. I was going to ask how much of herself she has invested in her onstage persona, and if she’d managed to keep any parts of herself for herself, alone, any areas of her psyche that were still private property.

And I was going to ask her what you, the potential audience member, could expect to see at one of her shows.

Fortunately, that part I can give you, based on, well, hearsay and my own experience with seeing local entertainers.

First of all, if you don’t already know that The Lady Chablis is a female impersonator, you’ve obviously been vacationing on a faraway world for several years.

But even if you know that, you may not know what to expect from such a show.

Drag shows are all about flash. You will see a girl onstage – who either used to be a man, or who is still a man in “real life,” or who is planning to become a full-time

woman – you will see her onstage sucking all the attention in the room into her space. There will be flashy clothing, lots of makeup, lip-synching or singing, and generally some trash-talk. Some performers like to interact with individual members of the audience, either by heckling them or by flirting.

And they love tips, applause and worship.

These are divas who have put a lot of work into being divas. They are professionals.

So the best way to learn about The Lady Chablis is by following the paper trail. Read John Berendt’s book “Midnight in the Garden of Good and Evil” to see how the narrator experienced the performer, and then view the movie to see her in action. After that, you may want to look at newspaper articles about her online. But probably the most telling piece of writing is the one she did herself – her autobiography. It’s called “Hiding My Candy.” The title has to do with …

well, what a pre-operative transsexual has to do in order to create the illusion that she is … well, a she.

And then again, you could just go see one of her shows. She will be in Augusta, at Club Argos on Walton Way – it’s the building across from Ming Wah, with a façade painted like castle brickwork, and with a cool red sign out front that says …

Argos. She will be performing on the downstairs stage. You can chill at the bar during the performance. While you await the diva, however, you can wander upstairs to the Tower if you’re in the mood for something a bit … different.

The show is Friday, June 13, at 11:30 p.m., and costs $13. For more info, visit the Club Argos Web site at http://hometown.aol.com/clubargos/ or call (706) 481-8829 after 9 p.m., which is when the doors open.

67 M E T R O S P I R I T J U N E 5 2 0 0 3

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M E T R O S P I R I T J U N E

Cinema Movie Listings

5 2 0 0 3

Anastasia (G) — Animated tale of the Russian legend of Anastasia, the last remaining family member of the final Russian czar. Orphaned and suf fering from amnesia, Anastasia sur faces af ter being thought dead.

Anastasia’s new friends prepare her to fool an empress into thinking she’s nex t in line for the throne — not knowing that their protege is the real deal. Cast: Meg Ryan, John Cusack, Kelsey Grammer, Christopher Lloyd, Hank Azaria, Bernadet te Peters, Kirsten Dunst, Angela Lansbury, Lacey Chaber t.

Anger Management (PG-13) — Af ter "assaulting" a stewardess on a flight, doofy Dave (Adam Sandler) is ordered by a cour t into anger therapy. That means bonding with Buddy (Jack Nicholson), anger management guru, and time with Buddy's pet circle of hair-trigger loons, including Luis Guzman as a gay par t y beast and John Tur turro as a rage-aholic called Chuck. Buddy and Dave get in each other's hair, play mean pranks on each other, trade frat-level penis jokes, run up to Boston, and return to New York, where both seem to have something going with Dave's girlfriend (Marisa Tomei). "Anger Management" is not bad enough to make you angr y, because inevitably the cast cooks some silly fun. Cast: Jack Nicholson, Adam Sandler, John Tur turro, Marisa Tomei, Luis Guzman, Woody Harrelson. Running time: 1 hr., 35 mins. (Elliot t) ★★ Bringing Down the House (PG-13) — Queen Latifah smoothly pockets "Bringing Down the House" as Charlene, a good-hear ted fugitive from the law, turning to a starchy, divorced ta x at torney for refuge and suppor t. Steve Mar tin is the lawyer, Peter. The core idea of

“Frida”

Miramax Films

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this very simple comedy is pure buzz of contrast: Latifah is abundantly, explosively black, while Mar tin may be the whitest man ever to star in movies. Latifah rides out the nonsense in her queenly, Pearl Bailey style. It's a cookie-cut comedy. The movie delivers its very manufactured goods, but it lacks the guts to be a meaningful comedy. Cast: Steve Mar tin, Queen Latifah, Eugene Levy, Joan Plowright, Jean Smar t, Bet ty White. Running time: 1 hr., 45 mins. (Elliot t) ★★ Bruce Almighty (PG-13) — Jim Carrey is Bruce, the goofy features repor ter on a TV station in Buf falo.

He aspires to become a "serious" anchor, but af ter blowing his cool on the air, loses his job and has a rif t with his sweet, please-marry-me girlfriend (Jennifer Aniston). There cometh unto Buf falo the Almighty (Morgan Freeman). The Lord loans his powers to Bruce. Time for some payback, some wild stunts, some sexual dazzling of Aniston, some nudges of satire. Like Mel Brooks as Moses in "History of the World, Par t I," Carrey has climbed the comical Mount Sinai and, like Brooks, he has dropped a tablet on the way down. One of the pieces is "Bruce Almighty."

Cast: Jim Carrey, Morgan Freeman, Jennifer Aniston, Philip Baker Hall, Catherine Bell. Running time: 1 hr., 45 mins. (Elliot t) ★★ Bulletproof Monk (PG-13) — Pity poor Chow Yun-Fat. Af ter making a string of forget table movies such as "The Replacement Killers" and "Anna and the King," it appeared he had finally hit his stride with 2000's "Crouching Tiger, Hidden Dragon." His newest flick, "Bulletproof Monk," unfor tunately, is a major step backward. Chow stars as the "Monk With No Name" and is charged with protecting a scroll of unbelievable

power. If the scroll falls into the wrong hands, it could mean the end of the world as we know it. And of course, the scroll is being pursued by Stern – a Nazi who wants to shape the world in his image. All of this, of course, leads to a final showdown between the Monk and the Nazi. If you have to ask who'll win, then you haven't seen too many of these so-called action films. Cast: Chow Yun-Fat, Seann William Scot t, Jaime King, Karel Roden, Victoria Smur fit. Running time: 1 hr., 44 mins. ★★ Confidence (R) — Jake Vig (Ed Burns) heads a crack team of scamsters who are also his buddies.

One is killed when a scam goes wrong, money having been taken from someone they did not know was an underling of a deadly, hyper sociopath called the King (Dustin Hof fman). Mostly we get cocky, trim-cut Burns and grif ter chums Brian Van Holt and Paul Giamat ti and corrupt L.A. cops (Luis Guzman, Donal Logue), all pulling a bank scam to pay back the King.

This ship leaks, and it sinks if you have experienced Mamet's "House of Games," Claude Chabrol's "The Swindle," Fabian Bielinsky's "Nine Queens" or Stephen Frears' "The Grif ters." Those scam par ties could have conned "Confidence" into a whimpering corner. Cast: Ed Burns, Dustin Hof fman, Rachel Weisz, Paul Giamat ti, Andy Garcia, Luis Guzman, Brian Van Holt.

Running time: 1 hr., 38 mins. (Elliot t) ★★ The Core (PG-13) — It's a story of Ear th imperiled and mankind going down the tubes. So a real tube has to be laser-tunneled using a new kind of worm craf t, right to the center of the world. Some secret military mischief stopped our planetary core from spinning and unhinged the electromagnetic shield. A group

Walt Disney Pictures

“Finding Nemo”

RATINGS

★★★★ — Excellent.

★★★— Worthy.

★★ — Mixed.

★ — Poor.

of geniuses, oddballs and two NASA pilots must go down there in a $50 billion crash program to hot-wire the core. "The Core" is so crazily improbable that it becomes madly believable. So much is at stake! Not so much sci-fi as sci-fi-jeez, it relies on the good old rhy thm of friction and bonding, and on desperate improvisation. Cast: Aaron Eckhar t, Stanley Tucci, Hilary Swank, Delroy Lindo, Tcheky Karyo, Bruce Greenwood, Alfre Woodard, D.J. Qualls. Running time: 2 hrs. (Elliot t) ★★★ Daddy Day Care (PG) — Looking very much like the engorged warm-up for a future TV sitcom, "Daddy Day Care" stars Eddie Murphy and Jef f Garlin as cereal company promo men who lose their jobs, then star t a home day-care facility. There is an absurdly snooty villain (Anjelica Huston), owner of a posh day-care school. The kids are Central Casting darlings. The movie, which has a stern warning against sugar-based cereals, is sugared cereal. Cast: Eddie Murphy, Anjelica Huston, Jef f Garlin, Steve Zahn, Regina King.

Running time: 1 hr., 35 mins. (Elliot t) ★★ Down With Love (PG-13) — is a fizzy, but also grinding comedy done as pious homage to the Ike/JFK-era stuf f starring Rock Hudson and Doris Day. It's a theme park of mar tinis and smokes, with nods to "Pillow Talk," Kennedy and Ed Sullivan, "bold" (for '62) sex talk, and a brash, but cupcakey heroine — the film seems intended for women who want a feminized (but only falsely feminist) Rat Pack picture. Renee Zellweger is Barbara, a per t lassie from Maine who storms New York with her book, "Down With Love," a ditzy manifesto for women to liberate themselves by opting for chocolates and "a la car te sex." But Barbara is really just angling for her dream wolf, the magazine hotshot and "man about town" Catcher Block (Ewan McGregor). What's so tiring about "Down With Love" is that it feels pointless. Cast: Renee Zellweger, Ewan McGregor, Sarah Paulson, David Hyde Pierce, Tony Randall. Running time: 1 hr., 36 mins. (Elliot t) ★★ Final Destination 2 (R) — As in the first movie, a group of teen-agers manages to cheat death.

But death, unsatisfied with the teens’ getaway, pursues in a myriad of disturbing ways. Kimberly, driving a group of friends to Florida, has a premonition that helps them avoid being caught in a fatal freeway pileup. Death has other plans. Cast: Ali Lar ter, A.J. Cook, Michael Landes, T.C. Carson, Jonathan Cherr y, James Kirk, Tony Todd.

Finding Nemo (G) — A father clown fish (Alber t Brooks) tracks young son Nemo through the Pacific to Sydney, Australia, af ter the small fry is caught and sold for a fish tank. Ellen DeGeneres voices adorable Dory, who is very pret ty and helpful as Marlin's search mate. The humans are alien invaders, big and nearly thoughtless. If "Finding Nemo" is just another of our plex distractions, then it's a giddy bummer, but as a whimsical warning with bite it arrives just in time.

Helping to make the seas a lasting realm for real Nemos could be the good, giving backwash of "Finding Nemo." Cast: Alber t Brooks, Ellen DeGeneres, Alexander Gould, Willem Dafoe, Austin Pendleton, Vicki Lewis, Geof frey Rush, Barry Humphries. Running

0— Not worthy.

time: 1 hr., 41 mins. (Elliot t) ★★★★ Frida (R) — Salma Hayek poured her hear t into this biopic about the life of Mexican ar tist Frida Kahlo.

Her open marriage to Diego Rivera, characterized by ex tramarital af fairs and loyal tenderness, as well as the couple’s political and social statements and scandals, made Kahlo one of the most color ful and controversial ar tists of the 20th century. Cast: Salma Hayek, Alfred Molina, Geof frey Rush, Ashley Judd, Antonio Banderas, Edward Nor ton.

Head of State (PG-13) — “Head of State” marks the directorial debut of comic Chris Rock, who also co-wrote the screenplay. He stars as an unlikely presidential candidate, a down-on-his-luck government employee about to lose his job. Thrust into presidential candidacy by his par ty when the par ty’s original presidential nominee unexpectedly dies, Rock appeals to the country’s par ty vein to try and win the election. Bernie Mac stars as his brother and running mate. Cast: Chris Rock, Bernie Mac, Dylan Baker, Tamala Jones, Robin Givens.

Hollywood Homicide (PG-13) — Harrison Ford and Josh Har tnet t are two L.A.P.D. homicide detectives assigned to investigate the murder of an entire rap group, commit ted onstage. Rumor has it that Sar tain, head of the record label the group was on, is behind the musicians’ demise – he’s been known to put out hits on stars looking to get out of their contracts. Cast: Harrison Ford, Josh Har tnet t, Keith David, Gladys Knight, Mar tin Landau, Master P, Lou Diamond Phillips, Dwight Yoakam.

House of 1000 Corpses (R) — Rocker Rob Zombie takes the classic horror route in his film directorial debut. Car trouble forces a group of traveling teens to stop at a gas station/Museum of Monsters and Madmen in the middle of nowhere. But why is a man called Dr. Satan the local hero? Who is stupid enough to ride the museum’s “Murder Ride”? And just what’s in the secret-recipe fried chicken anyway?

Cast: Bill Moseley, Karen Black, Chris Hardwick.

How To Lose a Guy in 10 Days (PG-13) — should be retitled "How to Lose a Movie in 10

Minutes." The spirited opening credits are a clever visual and musical introduction to Andie Anderson (Kate Hudson) as she dashes and fumbles though research for "how-to" ar ticles published in a glitzy women's magazine. But all promise evaporates when the lame dialogue begins. Andie is destined to meet Mat thew McConaughey's womanizing adver tising executive, Ben Barr y, whose major goal is snagging the world's biggest diamond account. These t wo upand-coming New York hot ties bump along through the contrived plot, which involves Andie's "how to lose a guy" assignment and Ben's bet with competing co-workers that he can make a woman fall in love with him — all in the same 10-day deadline. The teasers for "10 Days" tout: "One of them is lying. So is the other." Ah, yes, the per fect date movie. Cast: Kate Hudson, Mat thew McConaughey, Adam Goldberg, Bebe Neuwir th. Running time: 1 hr., 50 mins. (Wood) ★1/2 The In-Laws (PG-13) — is a remake of the fairly funny 1979 film of the same title. Peter Falk starred as a casually insane CIA agent who involves a wiredtight, shriekingly reluctant dentist (Alan Arkin), whose daughter is to marry Falk's son, in an escalating series of sub-rosa intrigues. The 2003 version of fers Michael

Hottie Hunt You know who they are. The people you secretly lust after. Maybe you know a sexy stable boy from Aiken, a luscious grocery store clerk here in Augusta or a tractor-driving hunk from Columbia County. The guy or gal who serves you espresso at the coffee place, lunch or dinner at your favorite restaurant or tends bar at your regular watering hole. Maybe it’s the hottie who delivers packages to your office or works in the store where you buy clothes. It could be the sexy person who works in your office or that fine hottie who’s always two treadmills down from you at the gym. It could be anybody, as long as they’re hot…

But not … a local celebrity, media person, politician, stripper or money-grubbing professional. We want REAL people.

In the June 26 edition of The Spirit we’ll pay tribute to these unsung hotties. To do that WE NEED YOUR HELP. Complete the ballot and inform us how to find the hottie(s) that get your attention – time and time again.

When we’ve compiled the results we’ll contact these hotties and feature them in The Spirit.

Come on, tell us the object of your secret lust.

THE HOTTIE HUNT RULES AND REQUIREMENTS: • Enter as many names as you like. Locally famous people will be discarded. We know Danielle Reese is definitely a hottie, but she’d be disqualified under the contest guideines. Get it?

• Tell us as much as you can about the person(s) you choose. Names (if you know), where they work and what time you think we can reach them, and why you think your pick is a hottie.

Provide as much indentification and information as possible so we can find these sexy people.

Of course, your name is not required and we will feature interviews with these hotties ONLY with their permission. So enter the contest and make your favorite hottie famous.

YOU MAY ENTER YOUR PICK BY MAIL, FAX OR COMPLETE OUR ONLINE BALLOT Mail: Hottie Hunt c/o Metro Spirit P.O. Box 3809 Augusta, GA 30914

Fax: 706-733-6663 Online: www.metspirit.com

continued on page 70 “Phone Booth”

Deadline for Entries: Wednesday, June 18 Ballot Info: Name (if known)______________________________________________________________________________ Where the Hottie Works_______________________________________________________________________ What is this Hottie’s Job_______________________________________________________________________ Description of this Hottie and your comments__________________________________________________ ______________________________________________________________________________________________ ______________________________________________________________________________________________

20th Century Fox

______________________________________________________________________________________________

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Douglas in the Falk role and Alber t Brooks in the Arkin role, this time playing a podiatrist. They measure up for a while and there are a few fine moments and wellearned laughs. Still, the thing winds down rather than spinning out into sheer zaniness, which is the only logical path to take. Cast: Michael Douglas, Alber t Brooks, David Suchet, Robin Tunney. Running time: 1 hr., 38 mins. (Salm) ★★ The Italian Job (PG-13) — If you must remake "The Italian Job," the way to go is demonstrated by F. Gar y Gray's highly professional makeover. The 1969 heist was for $4 million in gold in Turin; the new one is for $35 million in gold in Venice. In place of Michael Caine as the top heister, there is Mark Wahlberg.

Donald Sutherland appears with his patented aura of suave, cheek y sincerit y, yet does not linger. So the crew is planning revenge against icy sociopath and ex-par tner Steve (Ed Nor ton). Steve has fled to Los Angeles with the loot. "The Italian Job" is the real kickof f of summer and also the best remake since "The Thomas Crown Af fair " got a delicious new lease on life. Cast: Mark Wahlberg, Charlize Theron, Donald Sutherland, Ed Nor ton, Seth Green, Jason Statham, Mos Def. Running time: 1 hr., 51 mins. (Elliot t) ★★★1/2 Kangaroo Jack (PG) — Two childhood friends, Charlie (Jerry O'Connell) and Louis (Anthony Anderson), from Brooklyn are forced to deliver a mysterious envelope to Australia af ter one of them accidentally causes the police to raid a mob warehouse.

En route to the land down under, Louis peeks in the package and discovers that it contains $50,000. Af ter the guys arrive in the Outback, they accidentally run over a kangaroo. Louis decides to take pictures of the animal and even puts shades and his lucky jacket on the 'roo, which is only stunned and hops away with the jacket containing the money. Now the guys are forced to chase the animal through the Outback, or they'll have to repay the mob with their lives. The real star of "Kangaroo Jack" is the beautiful Outback. That alone may be wor th the price of admission. Or not.

Cast: Jerry O'Connell, Anthony Anderson, Estella Warren, Christopher Walken, Dyan Cannon, Mar ton Csokas. Running time: 1 hr., 30 mins. (McCormick) ★ The Lizzie McGuire Movie (PG) — is something between taf fy, tapioca and a gold brick smoothly entering the Disney vault. It stars Hilary Duf f, 15, the lit tle Houston gal made a household name by the Disney Channel's "Lizzie McGuire" show. The movie takes Lizzie to Rome, where she soon splits of f from her school tour to be shown the city by dreamboat Paolo (Yani Gellman). He's half of a bubble-gum Europop duo, the female half being gone for reasons that are stupid. Lizzie is her look-alike, and gamely subs for her at appearances, even a concer t at the antique Colosseum. The city looks grand as ever, Lizzie smiles

splendidly, Paolo gets a bum exit. His dreamboat sinks, but Rome, being old and wise, does not weep.

Cast: Hilary Duf f, Adam Lamberg, Alex Borstein, Yani Gellman. Running time: 1 hr., 30 mins. (Elliot t) ★★

“The Core”

Lord of the Rings: The Two Towers (PG13) — Long, violent, death-fixated, dark in tone,

heavy in heroic mood, this is a film for addicts of the series. Lit tle Frodo is marginalized as Viggo Mor tensen leads the defense of a castle from hordes of vicious scumballs, and the t wo grand beards (Ian McKellan, Christopher Lee) contend for Middle Ear th.

There's a lit tle schizo in a wispy loincloth, expressively per formed and voiced, but the almost Stone Age my thology rolls over us like layers of geology. 3 hrs. (Elliot t) ★★ Malibu’s Most Wanted (PG-13) — Brad “Brad” Gluckman ain’t no Eminem. He’s Malibu’s worst rapper, a rich white boy who thinks he has the nuances of the hip-hop lifestyle down pat. Nothing could be fur ther from the truth, and when B-rad’s embarrassing antics creep into his father’s campaign for governor of California, the family decides that some tough love might be in order. Cast: Jamie Kennedy, Blair Underwood, Ryan O’Neal, Taye Diggs.

The Matrix: Reloaded (R) — Keanu Reeves is back as Neo, empowered hero. Also, savior of the human race that was inside the cybernetic Matrix, enslaved as "cat tle," but has now fled to a life in an underground city. A blur of sci-fi and head comix cliches and "1984" gone 2003, the movie is overwhelmingly designed, but underwhelmingly imagined.

There is the Matrix and the Oracle and the Keymaker and the Architect. Humor is kept minimal, as that could pop the gas balloon. The packaging is cosmic, success inevitable. Success feeds success. "The Matrix Revolutions" is set for Nov. 7. Time for Harry Pot ter and Frodo Baggins to join forces and get mad.

Cast: Keanu Reeves, Laurence Fishburne, Carrie-Anne Moss, Hugo Weaving, Jada Pinket t Smith. Running time: 2 hrs., 18 mins. (Elliot t) ★★ Phone Booth (R) — Stu Shepard (Colin Farrell) fancies that he is a new-glam guy, but he is just another wannabe Sidney Falco, a publicist who dresses in yup-style display threads (markdown Italian suits and deep-color shir ts) while he pitches, schmoozes and snidely snipes at people, of ten on a cell phone.

Suddenly, he has to endure a real sniper, a mysterious psycho who calls him in the phone booth, tells him to stay there "or I will kill you," and then torments Stu with truths about his glib, weaseling life. Director Joel Schumacher pumps the nonsense avidly, using touches — smeary jumps, zooms, speed-ups, split-screen multiples — that were get ting old when MTV was only a noisy rug rat. Cast: Colin Farrell, Forest Whitaker, Katie Holmes, Radha Mitchell, Kiefer Sutherland.

Running time: 1 hr., 21 mins. (Elliot t) ★★ Scooby Doo (PG) — is derived from the longest-

Paramount Pictures

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running TV car toon show (beginning in 1969 on CBS), and is mostly set in an island theme park. The 'toon gang loved by their TV fans — ginchy-dish Daphne, plain but brainy Velma, blond ego dude Fred (author of "Fred on Fred"), grinning par ty dude Shaggy — are now played by actors locked into one-note roles. Great Dane hero dog Scooby appears computer generated.

They go to Spooky Island to solve a criminal conspiracy, where special ef fects and cute theme park crit ters whiz by and the top villain is revealed to be ... a puppy.

This is one lollipop of a movie, OK for the 4- to 9-yearolds who like the TV show. 1 hr., 23 mins. ★★ 2 Fast 2 Furious (PG-13) — In the sequel to 2001’s "The Fast and the Furious," Paul Walker returns as former cop Brian O’Conner. He’s teamed up with ex-con Roman Pierce in an ef for t to transpor t money to a shady Miami impor t/expor t dealer. In actuality, O’Conner is also working with a sexy undercover agent, played by Eva Mendes, to take the dealer out.

Cast: Paul Walker, Tyrese Gibson, Cole Hauser, Ludacris, Eva Mendes.

Wrong Turn (R) — Bad luck befalls Chris (Desmond Harrington) when he sets out on a threehour tour to Raleigh for a job interview. He’s barely star ted down the freeway when an accident up ahead halts traf fic. Taking a windy and isolated dir t road to get around the jam, Chris doesn’t see the SUV full of teens that is stopped in the middle of the road, tires mysteriously blown out. Investigating the accident

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scene, the group finds a strand of barbed wire stretched across the road — could it be a trap? Cast: Eliza Dushku, Desmond Harrington, Jeremy Sisto, Emmanuelle Chriqui, Lindy Booth. Running time: 1 hr., 50 mins.

X2 (PG-13) — At the hub is the dutiful sequel section, laboring to ex tend the fantasy of a human world infiltrated by power ful, feared mutants, which the 2000 film transplanted from its comic-book roots.

Then there is the ef fects section, each mutant get ting a chance to show his/her powers. There is the senior section of power ful old men, the creepy wizard Magneto (Ian McKellen) maintaining a duel of Elite British Accents with the paranormal seer Xavier (Patrick Stewar t). And the "check 'em out" section for new or aspiring stars (Hugh Jackman, Halle Berry, Anna Paquin, Kelly Hu, Rebecca Romijn-Stamos, Aaron Stanford). "X2" seems to have been made by and for people who constantly switch between "Star Trek" episodes and James Bond reruns, while hoping for some Hannibal Lecter. Cast: Patrick Stewar t, Hugh Jackman, Ian McKellen, Halle Berry, Brian Cox, Alan Cumming, Famke Janssen, Anna Paquin. Running time: 2 hrs., 5 mins. (Elliot t) ★1/2 —Capsules compiled from movie reviews written by David Elliott, film critic for The San Diego Union-Tribune and other staff writers.

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Cinema: Review

“2 Fast 2 Furious” Serves Up Little More Than Speed

By Rachel Deahl

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he first relief about director John Singleton’s sequel to the 2001 racing sensation, “The Fast and the Furious,” is that it’s not quite as bad as its ridiculous title indicates. Always a conspicuous choice to place numerals in your movie title where they should be words, the namesake “2 Fast 2 Furious” begs a number of questions, the chief among them: Is the number two that much cooler than the word too? Although Singleton’s crude, sometimes sloppy, four-wheeled extravaganza doesn’t get into the semantics of “2” vs. “too,” it does offer the kind of harried action that is probably most appealing to an audience which can’t be bothered to read extra words.

Moving the action from the mean streets of L.A. to the underground racing world of Miami, “2 Fast” sees rogue white-bred cop Brian O’Conner (Paul Walker) on the other side of the law.

Now, as a racing legend among the street crowd in Miami, Walker’s clean-cut surfer-dude type has morphed into the “can’t touch this” cool that Vin Diesel embodied in the original film (at least in the context of the script). A man who knows his machinery and can seemingly beat any other driver on the road, O’Conner is quickly pulled back onto police duty when he’s forced to go undercover to nail a major local druglord. Having acquired a lengthy record of illegal activity since his fall from grace, O’Conner is compelled into action with the threat of jail time.

Since every good kingpin needs Mario Andretti clones to cart his precious cargo through the highways and bi-ways of the city, O’Conner is given the task of becoming the new driver for Carter Verone (played by Cole Hauser, who memorably appeared as a senior in “Dazed and Confused” and was one of the quartet of Boston boys in “Good Will Hunting”). But O’Conner can’t work

alone — for reasons unknown, he needs a partner (make that every good kingpin needs a duo of skilled race car drivers on payroll). Who does young O’Conner request? He wants to work with one of his “boyz,” so he asks for the assistance of a childhood friend – currently under house arrest and crashing cars at the local derby – Roman Pearce (Tyrese).

Mostly what transpires in “2 Fast” are extravagant car races through busy highways or closed-off streets. The racing scenes are mostly disappointing, as Singleton tries to mount suspense through a variety of unsuccessful tactics: closing in on drivers’ shifting eyes, close-ups on hands shoving the gear stick up a speed and the ever-popular close on the rising speedometer. Mostly ridiculous and over-choreographed, the races regurgitate the zig-zagging sight of souped-up racing vehicles weaving in and out of traffic. Needless to say, you’ll get more out of the highway sequence in “Matrix Reloaded” than you will in the entirety of “2 Fast 2 Furious.”

Although Singleton’s script is wincingly bad in parts and the whole picture doesn’t capture the first-time jitters that its predecessor inspired, “2 Fast” does improve as it prods along. Climbing above the poor dialogue and Walker’s regrettable performance (he seems to have the same kind of delivery troubles that can make Keanu Reeves so unbearable to watch at times), “2 Fast” gets a big boost from Tyrese. The modelturned-actor who was the best thing in Singleton’s last picture, “Baby Boy,” is surprisingly funny here, adding some much-needed life to the proceedings.

If you can get past that terrible title and the idea that a drug dealer would actually go out of his way to hire people who would draw police attention to his operation, “2 Fast” serves up a generous helping of what it advertises: cars and babes.

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Cinema: Review

Updates Make “Italian Job” Remake Worthwhile

By David Elliott

I

f you must remake “The Italian Job” – and those who saw the first in 1969 could not have imagined that anyone ever would – the way to go is demonstrated by F. Gary Gray’s highly professional makeover.

The 1969 heist was for $4 million in gold in Turin; the new one is for $35 million in gold in Venice. The movie is inflated in other ways, too, but is darn near infallible entertainment.

Noel Coward can no longer be around, nor anyone like him – working-class Brit slab Jason Statham is the exact opposite in style. And in place of cool, precise, likable Michael Caine as the top heister, there is warm, precise, even more likable Mark Wahlberg (who, as Charlie, rebounds from his dreary “Charade” replica, “The Truth About Charlie”).

Donald Sutherland appears with his patented aura of suave, cheeky sincerity, yet does not linger. So the crew planning revenge against icy sociopath and expartner Steve (Ed Norton) is: boss Charlie, safecracker Stella (Charlize Theron), driver ace Rob (Statham), explosives wiz but gentle bibliophile Left Ear (Mos Def) and cute hacker genius Lyle (Seth Green).

Steve has fled to Los Angeles with the loot. A crime genius but dull guy, his realized dream is a big house, a Swiss safe and a whopper TV ensemble.

Charlie’s group is richly motivated for payback, and they cook a job spiced with Ukrainian mobsters, Samoan hardware specialists and Theron becoming every male couch potato’s dream of the ideal cable technician.

Four writers overhauled Troy KennedyMartin’s old script, which was almost

absurdly pro-British. Gray directs with even more loaded adrenaline than he did with “A Man Apart.” You can’t help thinking of Vin Diesel, because this film is basically “The Italian Job” rammed at high speed into “The Fast and the Furious,” beating that movie’s sequel into theaters by just a week.

Inevitably, this update relies more heavily on tech and effects, though it brings back the great biz of using Mini Coopers as hot chase vehicles. There is mockmacho comedy as the little cars rip around L.A., though Lyle’s jolly gambit of hacking the city into traffic gridlock is too scary in implication to think about.

Where are all the police? It’s another not-proud day for the L.A.P.D. Heist movies always skim over the thin ice of implausibility, and once more you simply have to go with it (or not). The actors are so smoothly sutured into their roles that we can enjoy all their mischief – though Norton is really creepy – and some moments of tension seem to tingle with real fear or delight.

There are too many computer screen shots, and the soundtrack seems to be staging its own concert parallel to the story. Hardly any modern thrill show can be commercially happening unless it is also a blaring launch pad for its album (that seems to be the actual current status of the film musical).

Much more than “The Matrix Reloaded,” a giant case of metal fatigue, “The Italian Job” is the real kickoff of summer, along with Disney’s “Finding Nemo.” It is also the best remake since “The Thomas Crown Affair” got a delicious new lease on life.

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MOVIE CLOCK

M E T R O S P I R I T

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REGAL AUGUSTA EXCHANGE 20 Movies Good 6/6 - 6/12 2 Fast 2 Furious (PG-13) Fri-Sat: 11:45, 12:15, 12:45, 1:45, 2:15, 2:45, 3:15, 4:15, 4:45, 5:15, 5:45, 6:45, 7:15, 7:45, 8:15, 9:20, 9:50, 10:20, 10:50, 11:55, 12:20; Sun-Thur: 11:45, 12:15, 12:45, 1:45, 2:15, 2:45, 3:15, 4:15, 4:45, 5:15, 5:45, 6:45, 7:15, 7:45, 8:15, 9:20, 9:50, 10:20, 10:50 Holly wood Homicide (PG-13) Sat: 7:30 Finding Nemo (G) Fri-Sat: 11:30, 12:00, 12:30, 1:30, 2:00, 2:30, 3:00, 4:00, 4:30, 5:00, 5:30, 6:30, 7:00, 7:30, 9:00, 9:30, 11:30, 12:00; SunThur: 11:30, 12:00, 12:30, 1:30, 2:00, 2:30, 3:00, 4:00, 4:30, 5:00, 5:30, 6:30, 7:00, 7:30, 9:00, 9:30 Wrong Turn (PG-13) Fri-Sat: 12:20, 2:15, 4:10, 7:20, 10:25, 12:25; Sun-Thur: 12:20, 2:15, 4:10, 7:20, 10:25 The Italian Job (PG-13) Fri-Sat: 11:40, 12:40, 2:20, 3:30, 5:05, 6:45, 7:55, 9:45, 10:25, 12:10; Sun-Thur: 11:40, 12:40, 2:20, 3:30, 5:05, 6:45, 7:55, 9:45, 10:25 The In-Laws (PG-13) Fri-Sat: 6:55, 9:15, 11:35; Sun-Thur: 6:55, 9:15 Bruce Almighty (PG-13) Fri-Sat: 11:30, 12:15, 12:45, 2:10, 2:45, 3:20, 4:35, 5:10, 5:45, 7:05, 7:35, 8:10, 9:35, 10:05, 10:35, 12:05, 12:35; Sun-Thur: 11:30, 12:15, 12:45, 2:10, 2:45, 3:20, 4:35, 5:10, 5:45, 7:05, 7:35, 8:10, 9:35, 10:05, 10:35 The Matrix: Reloaded (R) 12:50, 1:20, 3:50, 4:20, 6:50, 7:40, 8:05, 10:10, 10:40, 11:05 Down With Love (PG-13) Fri-Sat: 11:50, 2:05, 4:20, 7:50, 10:15, 12:30; Sun-Thur: 11:50, 2:05, 4:20, 7:50, 10:15 Daddy Day Care (PG) Fri: 12:05, 2:25, 4:50, 7:10, 9:30, 11:50; Sat: 12:05, 2:25, 4:50, 11:50; Sun-Thur: 12:05, 2:25, 4:50, 7:10, 9:30 X2 (PG-13) 12:50, 3:50, 6:40, 9:40 The Lizzie McGuire Movie (PG) 11:35, 1:55, 4:25 Anger Management (PG-13) 10:30 EVANS 12 CINEMAS Movies Good 6/6 - 6/12 2 Fast 2 Furious (PG-13) 12:50, 3:00, 5:15, 7:45, 10:00

Scooby Doo (PG) Tues, Thur: 10:30 a.m.

Anastasia (G) Tues, Thur: 10:30 a.m.

The Italian Job (PG-13) 1:30, 4:15, 7:15, 9:40 Wrong Turn (R) 1:10, 3:10, 5:10, 7:10, 9:10 Finding Nemo (G) 12:45, 2:00, 3:15, 4:30, 5:45, 7:00, 8:00, 9:15 The In-Laws (PG-13) 12:55, 3:05, 5:20, 7:25, 9:45 Bruce Almighty (PG-13) 1:15, 2:30, 3:30, 5:00, 6:30, 7:30, 9:00, 9:55 The Matrix: Reloaded (R) 12:45, 1:45, 3:45, 4:45, 6:45, 8:15, 9:30 Daddy Day Care (PG) 1:05, 3:20, 5:30, 7:40, 9:50 X2 (PG-13) 1:00, 4:00, 6:55, 9:35 MASTERS 7 CINEMAS Movies Good 6/6 - 6/12 2 Fast 2 Furious (PG-13) 1:15, 4:15, 7:30, 9:45 The Italian Job (PG-13) 1:45, 4:45, 7:05, 9:20 Finding Nemo (G) 12:45, 2:55, 5:10, 7:15, 9:30 Bruce Almighty (PG-13) 2:00, 4:30, 7:25, 9:50 Matrix: Reloaded (R) 1:00, 4:00, 6:55, 9:40 Daddy Daycare (PG) 1:05, 3:05, 5:05, 7:10, 9:15 X2 (PG-13) 1:10, 4:10, 7:00, 9:35

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Life is hectic. Weekends shouldn't have to be. Join Scott Simon for Weekend Edition every Saturday at 8:00 AM on WACG, 90.7 FM. Reclaim your Saturday and hear weekend news, views, and commentary. From gardening tips and film reviews to in-depth news analysis, Peabody Award-winning host Scott Simon eases you into the weekend with a fresh perspective.

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BY TURNER

I

n the timeless BUFFALO SPRINGFIELD hit, “For What It’s Worth,” STEPHEN STILLS wrote, “paranoia runs deep.”

Little did Stills know some 36 years ago that his lyrics would become the mantra of many huge corporations. It’s probably hidden like some computer program Easter egg in each Fortune 500 company’s corporate by-laws.

Case in point: An advance copy of METALLICA’S newie, “St. Anger,” was posted on numerous Web sites several weeks ahead of its planned June 10 release. Elektra, the band’s label, is deathly afraid of losing big bucks from their last remaining “flagship artist.”

The once-strong company, whose recent emphasis has been far away (read: lotsa rap and hip-hop) from its folky and cutting-edge-rock days, does not want to lose revenue to fans getting the music for free. To combat the Internet pirates, they are making the highly unusual move of issuing the album on Thursday, June 5, instead of Tuesday (the normal release day for the biz), the 10th.

Early reports on the disc have not been glowing with praise. Frontman JAMES HETFIELD’S recent rehab stint has forced the other members to contribute material, often the kiss of death to a band in trouble. Metallica endured another change as they recorded the disc without bassist JASON NEWSTED. These changes from the norm result in the group sounding as if they are merely attempting to keep up with today’s trends rather than set them.

Is “St. Anger” really that bad? Kevin James of WEKL-FM, The Eagle, isn’t thrilled with the band’s new sound at all. James was recently overheard saying, “apparently, Metallica has finally found a way to keep their fans from downloading their music for free on the Internet.” He’s right. It will probably be the featured selection real soon at a record club near you.

What a Guy Dept.

Blues legend BUDDY GUY has a new set, “Blues Singer,” in stores this week.

Guests on the project include a couple of hot gunslingers in their own right, BB KING and ERIC CLAPTON. The two join Guy on a rollicking take of the JOHN LEE HOOKER standard “Crawling King Snake” and the admiration among the three is obvious. Other highlights include new interpretations of MUDDY WATERS’ “I Live the Life I Love” and SKIP JAMES’ oft-covered “Hard Times Killing Floor.” Buddy has turned in a disc so bluesy and soulful that it’s like breakfast with double bacon and grits set to music. Well done, of course.

BY

BOB DYLAN The man has had more new material issued after his death than while he was alive. A new ELVIS PRESLEY box set will be unleashed July 1, featuring 89 unreleased takes, live tracks, stereo versions and demos from his unprecedented career. An April 1972 performance from San Antonio rounds out the set, with a still-svelte Elvis ripping through favorites such as “Suspicious Minds,” “Burning Love,” and TONY JOE WHITE’S great “Polk Salad Annie.”

Why does RCA continue to raid the vaults? It’s the same reason that you see all of those late-night “Girls Gone Wild” video spots. They sell and sell.

311 has mapped out their upcoming summer U.S. tour. “Evolver,” the band’s seventh LP, is due in July, but the band is hitting the sheds early to promote the new material. Catch the funksters Aug. 21 at the House of Blues in North Myrtle Beach and at Atlanta’s Hi-Fi Buys Amphitheater the following evening.

Turner’s Quick Takes Ex-PAVEMENT leader STEPHEN MALKMUS will open for most of RADIOHEAD’S summer tour ... MICKIE MOST, who produced hits for THE ANIMALS, DONOVAN, THE YARDBIRDS and THE SWEET died last week at 64 in England ... MARTIN SCORSESE (“The Last Waltz,” “Woodstock”) has been tapped to handle the reins (and enormous ego) of BOB DYLAN in the forthcoming “Bob Dylan Anthology Project” ... New releases from TERENCE TRENT D’ARBY (“Wildcard”), JEWEL (“0304”) and JOHN MELLENCAMP (“Trouble No More”) are out this week.

Turner’s Rock ‘n’ Roll Jeopardy A. This classic rock ‘n’ roller, whose last new album was in 1995, bested 243 competitors in a yacht race off Mackinac Island.

Q. Who is Bob Seger?

M E T R O

ED TURNER

Saturday, June 14, 2003

77 M E T R O S P I R I T J U N E 5 2 0 0 3

A Lingerie and Pajama Party for vip and seating reservations, rsvp @ 706.303.9700 813 broad • www.modjeskalounge.com

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Unwanted Celeb Nakedness Pittsburgh-area cops arrested Eve 6 frontman Max Collins last week for walking around the Crowne Plaza hotel lobby and riding the establishment’s elevators wearing nothing but a strategically placed dollop of shaving cream.

According to witnesses, Collins also had the, um, nerve to ask for more shaving cream at the front desk. By the time police arrived, Collins had retired to his room. Boredom made him do it, Collins said in a statement issued last Thursday.

The best part of this whole tale – it happened in Moon Township, Pa. Please Get “Copacabana” Out of Our Heads Just when we’d finally purged the tune from our consciousness comes word that Barry Manilow has been injured in a recent household accident. (The mere mention of his name has been known to send Spirit staffers into a rousing chorus of “Copacabana.”) He’s OK, but apparently woke up in the middle of the night and walked into a wall at his Palm Springs, Calif., home, breaking his nose.

The accident also caused Manilow to lose consciousness for four hours.

Linkin Park Singer Hospitalized Linkin Park vocalist Chester Bennington was admitted to a Los Angeles hospital last Friday with severe abdominal and back pain. Doctors have not yet discovered the cause of his pain, but Bennington’s hospital stay has caused the band to postpone all of the dates on the European leg of their tour while he recovers.

Madonna Sniffing Roses and Her Own Fumes This goes under the heading of “much too good to pass up.” Madonna is not only creating a series of children’s books, but she is beginning with the title

Chester Bennington

“The English Roses.” It is said to be about “friendship, jealousy, sleepover parties, and fairy godmothers.” Sounds like a compilation of her life’s work to date, if you ask us. And there are supposed to be “stunning, full-color illustrations throughout.” The first book is slated to come out Sept. 15 in 42 languages.

Police Drummer and The Doors Kiss and Make Up Well, not really, but Stewart Copeland, who once upon a time used to drum for The Police (that’s Sting’s old band, for those of you still learning to tie your shoes), has decided to settle his legal situation with the surviving members of The Doors in a friendly manner. The tiff was over a supposed breach of contract, in which Ray Manzarek and Robby Krieger had agreed that he would be part of their tour and album. In fact, Copeland recommends that fans go check out the Doors of the 21st Century, which is what they’re calling themselves now. They’ve got Ian Astbury, formerly of The Cult, fronting them.

COMPILED BY RHONDA JONES & LISA JORDAN Information compiled from online and other music news sources.

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Night Life

M E T R O S P I R I T J U N E 5 2 0 0 3

Left: Friday and Saturday night performances by Liz Melendez christen new blues spot Andy’s, 548 Broad St. Call 722-6212 for info. Right: The Swingin’ Medallions come to Last Call Wednesday, June 11.

The Bee’s Knees - James McIntyre III The Big Easy - Buzz Clif ford, George Sykes Cadillac’s - Gary Conrad Cafe Du Teau - Bernard Chambers Club Argos - Karaoke Dance Par t y with DJ Joe Steel Coliseum - Karaoke, High-Energy Dance Continuum - Playa*Listic Thursday Cotton Patch - Livingroom Legends Coyote’s - The Rhes Reeves Band D. Timm’s - Joe Patchen and the Blue Diamond Express

Fox’s Lair - Karaoke Greene Streets - Men’s Pop, Rock, Blues and Soul National Karaoke Contest Joe’s Underground - Ruskin Michael’s - Marilyn Adcock Modjeska - SKYNN with DJ Richie Rich Orange Moon - Open Mic Playground - Open Mic Night Red Lion - Jayson Sabo Soul Bar - Bloodkin, Alfonzo Dog Stool Pigeons - Live Enter tainment Surrey Tavern - Pat Blanchard Time Piecez - DJ Dance Par ty

Friday, 6th Andy’s - Liz Melendez Back Roads - DJ The Bee’s Knees - Jazz Sessions with Moniker and Parker 29, First Friday Ar t by Jay Jacobs The Big Easy - Air Apparent Blind Pig - Shameless Dave Cafe Du Teau - Bernard Chambers Club Argos - Argos Angels Cabaret, DJ Joe Steel Coliseum - Bambi Chanel Variety Show Continuum - Haze and the Kut t Boys Cotton Patch - E&L Productions Coyote’s - The Rhes Reeves Band

Crossroads - Zoso, Sabo and the Scorchers D. Timm’s - Joe Patchen and the Blue Diamond Express Durango’s - Magic Hat Eagle’s Nest - Karaoke with DJ MJ Fox’s Lair - Live Enter tainment Greene Streets - Karaoke Hangnail Gallery - Incidental Orchestra, First Friday Ar t by Andrew Benjamin Highlander - Live Jazz with Adams Township Joe’s Underground - John Kolbeck’s Bir thday Bash Last Call - Tony Howard, DJ Richie Rich

continued on page 80

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Comedian and hypnotist Gary Conrad takes the stage at Cadillac’s Thursday night. continued from page 79 The Lighthouse - Tony Howard Michael’s - Marilyn Adcock Modjeska - DJ Hydraulic CD Release Par ty Partridge Inn - Jazz Solstice with Anthony Carpenter Playground - Acoustic Music with Chuck Red Lion - The Big Mighty Rio Bomba - DJ Rodriguez Brothers, Karaoke with Russ Schneider The Shack - DJ Chip Shannon’s - Bar t Bell, Steve Chappell Soul Bar - Salsa Picante World Musica, DJs Guillermo and German, Ar t by Raoul Pacheco and Jef f Thomas Surrey Tavern - Tony Williams and Blues Express

Saturday, 7th Andy’s - Liz Melendez Back Roads - DJ The Bee’s Knees - Indie Rock Anthems The Big Easy - Buzz Clif ford, George Sykes Blind Pig - Shameless Dave Cafe Du Teau - Bernard Chambers Club Argos - Argos Angels Cabaret with Petite, Claire and Sasha, DJ Joe Steel Coliseum - Juliana McVeigh Continuum - Passion Par ty Male Revue Cotton Patch - Sabo and the Scorchers Coyote’s - The Rhes Reeves Band Crossroads - Die Trying, 420 Outback, GruvUnion D. Timm’s - Joe Patchen and the Blue Diamond Express Durango’s - Magic Hat Fox’s Lair - John Kolbeck Greene Streets - Karaoke Joe’s Underground - Impulse Ride Last Call - Tony Howard, DJ Richie Rich Metro Coffeehouse - Live Af ternoon Bluegrass Michael’s - Marilyn Adcock Modjeska - DJ Boriqua Partridge Inn - Sandy B. and the All-Stars Red Lion - The Big Mighty Rio Bomba - DJ Rodriguez Brothers The Shack - DJ Buckwheat Shannon’s - Roulet te Soul Bar - Near Ear th Object, Livingroom Legends Surrey Tavern - Tony Williams and Blues Express

Sunday, 8th Cafe Du Teau - The Last Bohemian Quar tet Cotton Patch - John Kolbeck Orange Moon - Live Reggae

The Shack - Karaoke with DJ Joe Steel, Live Enter tainment with Sasha Shannon’s - Shelley Watkins

Monday, 9th Coliseum - Q.A.F. Continuum - Monday Madness Crossroads - Club Sin Dance Par ty with DJ Chris Greene Streets - Karaoke Joe’s Underground - John Surrey Tavern - Pat Blanchard

Tuesday, 10th Adams Nightclub - Karaoke with Bill Tolber t The Bee’s Knees - Comin’ ‘Round the Bend Classic Country Blind Pig - Jayson and Mike Coliseum - Tournament Tuesday D. Timm’s - Joe Patchen and the Blue Diamond Express Greene Streets - Karaoke Joe’s Underground - John Metro Coffeehouse - Irish Night with Sibin Michael’s - Marilyn Adcock Stool Pigeons - Karaoke Surrey Tavern - Jam Sessions

Wednesday, 11th The Bee’s Knees - Mellow Sounds Supperclub Blind Pig - Candy-Buzz Coliseum - Wet ‘n’ Wild Talent Search Continuum - Open Mic Jam Sessions Coyote’s - The Rhes Reeves Band D. Timm’s - Joe Patchen and the Blue Diamond Express Greene Streets - Women’s Pop, Rock, Blues and Soul National Karaoke Contest Joe’s Underground - Ruskin Last Call - Swingin’ Medallions Michael’s - Marilyn Adcock Playground - Karaoke with Mykie G The Shack - Karaoke Shannon’s - Bar t Bell, Steve Chappell Soul Bar - Live Jazz Surrey Tavern - Pat Blanchard

Upcoming The Lady Chablis - Club Argos - June 13 The Tams - The Lighthouse - June 13 Mr. Club Argos - Club Argos - June 20 The Kevn Kinney Band - Soul Bar - June 21 Ashanti, Mr. Cheeks - For t Gordon - June 27 Caitlin Carey - Crossroads - June 28

The Kitty Snyder Band - Soul Bar - June 28 Stewart and Winfield - Last Call - July 3 Fourth of July 10th Street Block Party - 10th Street - July 4 John Michael Montgomery - Lake Olmstead Stadium - July 4 Mr. Georgia U.S.A. - Club Argos - July 4 Finger 11, Echo 7 - Crossroads - July 9

Elsewhere Garage A Trois - Variety Playhouse, Atlanta June 5 David Lee Roth - Chastain Park Amphitheatre, Atlanta - June 6 Film, Jet - Echo Lounge, Atlanta - June 6 Third Day, Sk y Dog, Pete Schmidt - Centennial Olympic Park, Atlanta - June 6 Dustin Diamond - Funny Farm, Atlanta - June 67 Charlie Daniels, Chris Cagle - Georgia Mountain Fair, Hiawassee, Ga. - June 7 Dan Fogelberg - Chastain Park Amphitheatre, Atlanta - June 8 Red Hot Chili Peppers, Snoop Dogg - HiFi Buys Amphitheatre, Atlanta - June 8 Branford Marsalis - Botanical Garden, Atlanta June 11 Santana - HiFi Buys Amphitheatre, Atlanta June 11 Neil Young and Crazy Horse, Lucinda Williams - Chastain Park Amphitheatre, Atlanta - June 11 Ambrosia - Wills Equestrian Park, Atlanta June 12 Blues Traveler, Will Hoge, Drive-By Truckers, Shurman, New Blood Revival - Centennial Olympic Park, Atlanta - June 13 Mary Prankster - The Earl, Atlanta - June 14 Olivia New ton-John - Chastain Park Amphitheatre, Atlanta - June 15 !!!, Outhud - Echo Lounge, Atlanta - June 15 Scott Miller - Smith’s Olde Bar, Atlanta - June 15 Peter Gabriel - Chastain Park Amphitheatre, Atlanta - June 16 AthFest - Various Venues, Athens, Ga. - June 19-22

Alabama - Philips Arena, Atlanta - June 20 Delbert McClinton - Variety Playhouse, Atlanta June 21 Johnny Mathis - Chastain Park Amphitheatre, Atlanta - June 21 Heart - Chastain Park Amphitheatre, Atlanta June 22 Aretha Franklin - Chastain Park Amphitheatre, Atlanta - June 24 Boston - Chastain Park Amphitheatre, Atlanta June 29 Sugar Ray, Matchbox Twenty - Philips Arena, Atlanta - June 29 Camel - Variety Playhouse, Atlanta - July 1 Brenda Lee, Nitty Gritty Dirt Band - Georgia Mountain Fair, Hiawassee, Ga. - July 5 Better Than Ezra, Lifehouse, Ingram Hill, The Robert Barnes Band - Centennial Olympic Park, Atlanta - July 11 The Fall - Echo Lounge, Atlanta - July 12 Robert Bradley’s Black water Surprise, Mieka Pauley - Centennial Olympic Park, Atlanta - July 18 Everclear, Maroon 5, Kill Hannah - Centennial Olympic Park, Atlanta - July 25 Nickel Creek, Frank y Perez, Antigone Rising Centennial Olympic Park, Atlanta - Aug. 1 Hootie and the Blowfish, Tonic, The Clarks, Bain Mattox - Centennial Olympic Park, Atlanta Aug. 8 George Clinton and Parliament/Funkadelic, North Mississippi All-Stars, Kevn Kinney Band - Centennial Olympic Park, Atlanta - Aug. 15

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Thursday, June 5th Martini Night Free Martinis for Ladies from 9-11 2-4-1 “Shooter-Tinis” All Night

Many tickets are available through TicketMaster outlets, by calling 828-7700, or online at w w w.ticketmaster.com. Tickets may also be available through Tix Online by calling 278-4TIX or online at w w w.tixonline.com. Night Life listings are subject to change without notice.

Deadline for inclusion in Night Life calendar is Tuesday at 4 p.m. Contact Rhonda Jones or Lisa Jordan by calling 738-1142, fa xing 736-0443 or e-mailing to rhonda_jones@metspirit.com or lisa_jordan@metspirit.com.

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Santana performs at HiFi Buys Amphitheatre in Atlanta June 11.

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Concert begins-8 p.m.

Tickets are $20 in advance or $25 at the gate.

Tickets available at all CSRA Papa John’s Pizza, Pyramid Music on Broad St. & K-Mart Plaza, Culpepper Records in Thomson, Quality Records in Aiken, and on Fort Gordon at PX Customer Service, Gordon Lanes, The Gordon Club, Aladdin Travel, The Dinner Theatre Box Office, and Fort Gordon Federal Credit Union.

For more information, call 791-6779 or visit www.fortgordon.com.

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News of the

Weird W

hile two co-appellants chose to have lawyers represent them before the Supreme Court of Canada in their challenge of their marijuana convictions, David MalmoLevine spoke for himself, addressing the justices for 40 minutes on May 6, arguing that his right of “substance orientation” was similar to someone’s right of sexual orientation. After his session (which he began by waving hello to the justices), Malmo-Levine revealed that his entire courtroom wardrobe was made of hemp and that he had taken a few hits of hashish beforehand. Said he, “I was happy, hungry and relaxed, but I was not impaired.”

• The annual World Pole-Sitting Championships began May 1 in Berlin (and if the winner is decided after Nov. 17, he will have a new world record). Contestants sit on a 15-inch-by-23-inch platform, 24 hours a day, and electronic sensors detect if anyone leaves the platform for any reason except for the 10-minute break every two hours. The event’s organizer said the Dutch are the sport’s “purists,” that in Dutch competitions, “you don’t get to sit on a board, and you can’t come down (for restroom breaks).”

The Things People Believe

Interior Department for having failed to install water stations in the area.

• At a May court appearance in Melbourne, Australia, to answer charges of unsanitary food at his Rajah Sahib Tavern and Tandoori Grill, Larry Mendonca denied that the moldy items that inspectors found were part of his restaurant’s fare. Moldy relish and 8-year-old pickles? Mendonca said they were his personal foods, not the restaurant’s. A bowl of chilis topped with mold?

His. A moldy jug of salad dressing? His. Besides, he said, “It was scum, not mold.”

• Responding to a February incident in St. Clair Shores, Mich., in which a girl performed oral sex on a boy during a middleschool class (both were suspended), the superintendent and the principal wrote to parents: “Just like our country was shocked into awareness when never-before acts of terrorism occurred in New York City, our district was shocked into awareness when middle-school students engaged in indecent acts in the classroom.” (The boy’s parents filed a lawsuit over the suspension, pointing out that their son was a “victim” in that, when the girl started, he had no “legal duty” to resist.)

• Pennsylvania’s attorney general and prosecutors in Arapahoe County, Colo., made similar interpretations of child pornography laws recently in defending their decisions not to reveal information.

The attorney general said he could not publicly identify Web sites he had ordered suppressed by Internet service providers because, to identify those sites would be “disseminating” child pornography. And the Colorado prosecutors refused to show defendant Joseph Verbrugge the 200 photographs it would use against him (as is required in all criminal cases) because to do so would be to disseminate child pornography to him. (In January, a Colorado appeals court rebuked the prosecutors.)

• A juror in the recent London trial in which five Irish car-bombers were convicted was let go by the judge for inattention because she carried out spiritual rituals in the jury box while clutching a witchcraft book in one hand and placing the other, as required by the ritual, on the floor. And in York, Pa., trial is nearing for Matthew Turner, 22, who was arrested last year after pursuing a man for his adrenal gland, which he thought would bring a week-long high if licked or eaten; allegedly, he had stabbed the man in the side, and when the man escaped, Turner chased him relentlessly through town, knife drawn, until police caught him.

People Different From Us • Convicted killer Roderick Ferrell, 23, asked for a new trial in March, telling a judge in Tavares, Fla., that he had inadequate defense at his 1996 murder trial.

Ferrell had admitted then that he was the leader of a teen-aged, goth-outfitted “vampire clan” that often cut their arms open to suck each other’s blood and which murdered the parents of one of its members.

Ferrell told the judge this time that he had been seeing a psychiatrist in 1996, whereupon the judge asked who had originally told him he needed help; Ferrell replied, “The school, the sheriff’s office, my mom.

Basically the whole city.”

Compelling Explanations • In April, when the Republicans on the New York City Board of Elections killed a plan to repair voting machines that had underrecorded votes in the 2000 election (with most of the unlucky voters being Democrats), Republican Commissioner Stephen Weiner denied that his party’s disinterest in properly functioning machines showed bias against Democrats: “There are some people who don’t want (their vote) register(ed), but who report to the polls for civic reasons.”

• Maximizing the opportunity to avoid detection, some illegal immigrants from Mexico choose to enter the United States through a desolate mountain-desert area east of Yuma, Ariz., but in May 2001, 14 of them died of dehydration in the blistering sun. In April 2003, their families filed a $42 million lawsuit in Tucson against the U.S.

Recurring Themes • Cat-hoarder Heidi Erickson, 42, had two Boston-area homes raided in April and May, at which authorities rescued a total of 112 sickly cats and found several cat carcasses.

Erickson is one of the more aggressive hoarders on record, both for her proclivity for litigiousness (40 cases in seven years) and the circus-like atmosphere she created at a subsequent court hearing (during which she denied the accounts of numerous witnesses that the cats were ailing). She told one person her mission was to breed the “imperfections” out of Persians. Erickson said she was a victim of discrimination (epileptic disability, sexual lifestyle) and would challenge any eviction or any restrictions by authorities in Beacon Hill and Watertown, Mass.

— Chuck Shepherd © United Press Syndicate

Brezsny's Free Will Astrology ARIES (March 21-April 19)

I enjoyed “Matrix Reloaded,” but I hope you won’t see it or any film like it this week. It was loud, frenetic, pounding, bewildering and epic: the exact opposite of what you need right now. You will thrive instead on intimate, subtle pleasures, Aries; you will come alive in the presence of understated, soulful influences that are full of nuance. The experiences that will lead you to your best destiny will awaken your sensitivity and move you to meditate on lyrical truths.

TAURUS (April 20-May 20)

In the series finale of the long-running TV show “Touched by an Angel,” the Madonna-like angel Monica is offered a promotion. All these years she has struggled to help one bumbling human after another climb up out of the gutter; now she has a chance to move up to the cushy job of supervisor, where she won’t have to wrestle with so much chaos.

But she turns down the gig and chooses instead to stay at her job of redeeming the ragtag multitudes. I believe you’ll come to a comparable juncture in your own life during the coming months, Taurus. One path will lead to more comfort and prestige; the other will bring more interesting challenges and inspiring surprises. I’m not sure what the right decision is, but the sooner you start ruminating about it, the more likely it is you’ll do what’s wisest for the long-term.

GEMINI (May 21-June 20)

You’re in a phase when you may be tempted to start food fights at fancy dinner parties, wrap toilet paper around the trees in front of your adversaries’ houses, and regard the juvenile delinquents of cable TV’s “South Park” as worthy role models. I hate to discourage you from indulging this instinct for uproar, since so much of it could be fun and liberating. Therefore, I’m going to authorize you to go right ahead. But please keep a fraction of your adult brain working in the background, ready to step in and halt the proceedings if you’re ever about to, say, imitate the South Park kids’ “How To Eat With Your Butt” routine for your boss.

ACROSS

1 Kite feature

New York Times Crossword Puzzle

CANCER (June 21-July 22)

If you’re swallowed whole by a whale or a dragon this week, don’t panic: It’s much better than being chewed into little pieces before being swallowed, which is definitely not going to happen. And according to my reading of the astrological omens, while you may spend a few days in the belly of the beast, you will eventually be ... uh ... expelled intact out the other end. Then it’ll just be a matter of navigating the winding path back home. The entire experience will no doubt be humbling, Cancerian, but it will also have the salubrious effect of scouring you clean of a whole mess of karma.

SCORPIO (Oct. 23-Nov. 21)

My dream last night informed me that if I hoped to compose an accurate horoscope for you, I’d have to go to the Outback Steakhouse near my home. Since I don’t eat red meat, I initially felt a bit irked. But I’ve learned over the years that it’s dumb to ignore a direct order from my dreams. I know, furthermore, that it’s not enough just to go through the motions: My dream wanted me to have the full Outback Steakhouse immersion experience. So I obeyed with an open heart, dropping all my vegetarian sensitivities as I devoured “The Mad Max,” described by the menu as “a serious burger for warriors only.” By the end of the meal, with my astrological charts spread before me, I’d intuited the advice you need: You should seek out encounters that are as unlike your usual inclinations as this one was for me.

LEO (July 23-Aug. 22)

“Can you find an imperfection on Halle Berry? We can’t.” So writes Hollywood.com’s Scott Huver about the Oscar-winning beauty born under the sign of Leo. Huver also notes that People magazine has five times named Berry one of the “50 Most Beautiful People” and that Playboy called her one of the “100 Sexiest Women of the Twentieth Century.” And how does Berry herself feel about her looks? “To be totally honest,” she told the German magazine Journal fur die Frau, “most of the time I think I’m ugly.” I absolutely forbid you to exhibit this kind of self-abasement in the coming week, Leo. You may not, under any circumstances, denigrate your own gorgeous radiance. It’s crucial for both yourself and everyone you encounter that you celebrate your magnificence.

SAGITTARIUS (Nov. 22-Dec. 21)

In the generic science fiction movie on cable TV last night, the hero’s spacecraft happened upon the interplanetary equivalent of a junkyard. Aging shuttle pods and out-of-commission satellites floated around a decrepit space station. Soon a salesman appeared on the ship’s view screen, trying to convince the hero to browse through his extensive collection of valuables, gathered from over 100 different planets. “Take a look,” the huckster chirped brightly. “You may find something you never knew you wanted!” Those words or something similar will be coming your way from the entire universe this week, Sagittarius.

VIRGO (Aug. 23-Sept. 22)

“Nothing worse could happen to one than to be completely understood.” So said pioneer psychologist Carl Jung. If you think what he said is true, you should take action immediately, because you’re in imminent danger of being well understood by at least two people. If, on the other hand, you’re confident you can handle the odd sensation of being seen for exactly who you are, do nothing other than what you’re already doing.

36 De novo

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68 Country singer

Anderson 69 Tiny fraction of a min.

phrase on the back of a buck 9 “Mr. Belvedere” 41 View from a hill co-star DOWN 14 What fans may 42 Between-meal bite 1 “Toodles!” do 43 Scratches (out) 2 One with 15 Whopper electric organs 45 PC acronym 16 Conversation 3 Scratch tests starter 46 See 38-Across test for them 17 Allure shelfmate 51 Thumb one’s 4 One who lifts a nose at 18 Harness race lot 54 Stand 19 Willow twig 5 Farthest of the 55 Phrase on the 20 Phrase on the Near Islands back of a buck back of a buck 6 “M*A*S*H” actor 59 Principal pipes 23 It comes from 7 “The Time the heart 60 Cutting the Machine” mustard 25 Feature of leisure class some bucks 61 Calamities 8 Hotel suite 26 Phrase on the 64 Loosen amenity back of a buck 65 Like some meat 9 Some trick-ortreaters 30 Agnus ___ 66 O’Neill’s 10 Ended up 31 Kind of palm Christie 32 Relative of “Oh, 67 Bad news for a 11 Dior design no!” crop farmer 12 Bloom in le jardin ANSWER TO PREVIOUS PUZZLE 13 Red tape, often U F O D ESP O T S S I D L E 21 Pip and others T I N E R N I E T H ESP I S 22 Three-time U N S B I T E R R O L F E Burmese prime R ESP I R A T O R P U P A E minister N U D E R G U T S I L Y 23 Quinn of “Blink” S N E E A F L A T N I E 24 Informal bridge L A M I A S L I E N S bid T H E S I X T H S E N S E 27 Blanched M A I D S E T E R N E B B S P R E S S V ESP E R 28 It may be easily bruised A L P A C A S D E R M O W I D ESP R E A D 29 Carroll’s “slithy” ESP A N O L ones M O N E T H A N O I S I E L O I R E A D O P T S L O 33 Posts for I N C A S R E N E E O S S privates 5 Not many

LIBRA (Sept. 23-Oct. 22)

Marriages in India are usually arranged by relatives of the bride and groom, and most couples who wed come from the same religion or caste. There are daring rebels who ignore those customs, though, and choose to marry for love. One of their champions is a social worker named Biswanath Ramachandra Champa Swapnaji Taslima Voltaire. He has launched a new political party for lovers called the Lovers’ Green-Globalist Godfree-Humanist Party. “Only those who love can effectively change society,” he says, “and my new party will be their platform.” I bring this up, Libra, because it’s a perfect astrological moment for you to launch your own Lovers’ Party.

You have a growing knack for bringing intimacy and tenderness into political struggles. When helping your tribe deal with its dilemmas in the coming weeks, you’ll be able to summon ingenious expressions of compassion.

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“The universe is full of magical things,” said British novelist Eden Phillpotts, “patiently waiting for our wits to grow sharper.” It’s another way to express my belief that life is a conspiracy to shower us with blessings, but most of us have developed ingenious strategies for eluding those blessings. The good news, Aquarius, is that your wits have recently grown sharp enough to detect magical things that were previously invisible to you. You will soon rise up and divest yourself of one of your main methods for avoiding joy and success.

PISCES (Feb. 19-March 20)

I’m of the opinion that the psychological problem known as Multiple Personality Disorder (MPD) is merely the pathological version of a normal phenomenon. Most well-integrated people have a variety of selves, any one of which may reign supreme at a given moment. The difference between the healthy folks and the unfortunates who suffer from MPD: Each of their many selves is in pretty good shape and on friendly terms with all the others.

With these thoughts as an introduction, Pisces, I encourage you to celebrate your own flourishing multiplicity in the coming week. The astrological omens suggest it’s time to throw a party for your entire community of selves!

— © Rob Brezsny You Can Call Rob Brezsny, day or night, for your Expanded Weekly Horoscope

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We don’t keep banker’s hours

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CAPRICORN (Dec. 22-Jan. 19)

“History is made out of the failures and heroism of each insignificant moment.” This observation by the writer Franz Kafka has special significance for you right now, Capricorn. Every little action you take will have unimaginable weight, and the cumulative effect of your many little actions may alter conditions you’d assumed were impervious to change.

Even your passing thoughts and idle fantasies will have more influence than usual to shape your future. Until June 20, there will be no such thing as a trivial detail for you. My advice? Act as if each moment is a promise of the life you want to be living next October.

Just call Connor Plumbing when you get home!

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ccording to what men say they want in a woman, I’m in the ballpark. I’m 33, happy and independent, with a cool job that pays me well. I’m in good shape (yoga and blading) and people besides my grandma call me “pretty.” I don’t think I want something unattainable — just a goodhearted, fun guy who’s got his life together, who doesn’t spend his free time parked in front of the TV. He doesn’t have to be a model-type, either. I care more about whether a guy reads the newspaper than whether he’s losing his hair. So, why can’t I find a boyfriend? And why are so many of my female friends in the same boat? These are attractive, accomplished women who, like me, get told they’re “too much” by guys they date. It seems that petty, unreasonable, possessive gold-diggers land all the guys. Is there hope for the rest of us?

—Boyfriend Repellant What men want in a woman and what they say they want — apar t from breasts big enough to diver t adver tising from the Goodyear blimp and a waist like a number two pencil — can be two entirely different things.

Never underestimate the allure of a mean, bitter, controlling woman with a mountain range of issues — nothing that 3,000 hours of therapy can’t make a tiny, imperceptible dent in. She keeps a man on his feet — ready, at any moment, to duck an ashtray hurled at him.

Between ducking airborne objects, he’s ducking his own issues, which is probably the point.

Lit tle men need lit tler women. For the man who feels crumb-like, the ideal girlfriend has much in common with a premature kit ten — just not so much that she gets him kicked out of his apar tment for violating bylaws prohibiting pets. Such helpless kit ties are frequently unemployed due to their inability to operate technically sophisticated office equipment — such as light switches, bulldog clips and ballpoint pens.

Assuming you aren’t smelly, desperately irritating, or otherwise objectionable, your problem is that you don’t have problems. Like a self-cleaning oven, you’re a self-rescuing woman — a damsel imminently capable of ex tricating herself from distress with checking overdraf t protection, a rereading of the directions on her power screwdriver or one phone call to 24-hour roadside assistance. (You have no idea how unat tractive all this self-sufficiency can be to so many men.)

Luckily, you don’t need “so many men” — just

one actual man. To find one, look beyond obvious indications of manhood like hair growing out of ears and nostrils just as rapidly as hair is evacuating the head. You’re seeking something more subtle — a man completely comfor table with who he is and what he does. He’s the guy who won’t feel like a ground squirrel nex t to a woman who doesn’t need him to make her happy, but wants him to stick around because he makes her happier.

Should you find a real man, give him space to play the man role. Avoid the temptation to reenact the par t of General Sherman marching to the sea — barking orders and constantly cour tmar tialing him for being “wrong.” This won’t mark you as “un-feminist” or unable to function on your own. It instead suggests that you’re strong enough to stop being in charge of the entire universe for 20 minutes, and that you’re likely to respond to his opening a door for you by thanking him, not by slugging him in the mouth. Also, it’s sexy for girls to be girls and boys to be boys. It sure beats the alternatives — taking vindictive shrew lessons or practicing being fed your meals, preemie kit ty-style, out of an eyedropper.

My new girlfriend is really beautiful: big brown eyes, creamy white skin and thick, dark, flowing hair. The problem is, dark hair not only grows on her head, it’s visible above her upper lip. How do I help her realize she needs to shave more than her legs?

—Hairy Secret It’s great when your girlfriend bears a striking resemblance to a famous TV personality, providing the personality isn’t Geraldo Rivera.

(Evidently, men sometimes make passes at girls with mustaches — or maybe the lights were dimmed to bat cave level where you met.) The answer, by the way, is not mowing or shaving, but wa xing, electrolyzing or bleaching. The word that it’s defoliation time should be dispensed to her by anybody but you. A woman who thinks her boyfriend finds her anything but “really beautiful” is a woman whose handlebar mustache is dwar fed by her confidence problem. Ask one of her friends — one you trust not to reveal her source — to suggest she get pruning. Emphasize that you find her ex tremely beautiful — you just think she’d be even more gorge if her radiance weren’t par tially obscured by that fur on her upper lip. If all goes well, she should soon be looking more like your princess than your Prince.

— © 2003,Amy Alkon

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Monday-Saturday 10am-9pm 2635 Washington Road | Augusta, Georgia 30904 | 706.738.7777 www.windsorjewelers.net A GOOD-HEARTED WOMAN Honest SWF, 5’4”, long dark brown/hazel, would like to meet a trustworthy SWM for a good, honest, open relationship. I smoker, so another smoker is preferred. Grovetown. ☎111411 Men Seeking Women

ARE YOU THE ONE? SM, 29, enjoys tennis, movies, dancing, dining out, long walks, antiques, Asian culture.

Seeking confident, sweet, good-natured woman for LTR. ☎471619 WELL-ROUNDED SM, 27, loves art, theater, movies, music, long walks, conversation. Desires to meet attractive, cultured, social woman for dating, possibly more. ☎471543 HARD-WORKING SWCM, 48, enjoys sports, travel, dining out, dancing, reading, movies. Seeking stable, sincere woman, with similar interests, for friendship, possible LTR. ☎474643 WANNA DANCE? SWM, 37, smoker, wants to share outdoor fun (fishing, hunting, camping), with a wonderful woman. ☎464905 NEVER BEEN MARRIED SWM, 40, would like to meet a woman who enjoys simple pleasures such as outdoor fun, music and exercise. ☎463381

SOMETHING SO RIGHT SWM, 46, 5’8”, 195lbs, wants to meet a lady with good moral character, who is looking for a lasting relationship. ☎464950 TRY ME SBM, 31, enjoys sports, movies, park walks, good conversation. Seeking pretty, honest SF, to share these with. ☎448964 I CAN COOK SWM, 51, 6’1”, 193lbs, with blue eyes and a laid-back attitude, seeks a woman with a spontaneous, creative spirit. ☎434997 TAKE ME AS I AM SWM, 31, 5’6”, medium build, brown/blue, Gemini, N/S, enjoys movies, and more.

Seeking SWF, 25-35, N/S, N/D, who enjoys good times, dating, for LTR. ☎341418 WELL-ROUNDED MAN Educated DBPM, 41, 5’11”, loves reading, working out, the arts, dining out, travel, quiet times. Would like to meet female, 30-45, with similar interests, for fun, friendship, and maybe more. ☎442021 HERE I AM SBM, 32, 6’9”, glasses, Aries, smoker, loves singing, drawing, and dining out. Seeking a woman, 21-56, with whom to connect. ☎430788 SAY ‘BYE TO LONELINESS Male, 35, 5’2”, H/W proportionate, attractive, light-skinned, Leo, proportionate, smoker, seeks woman, 18-35, laid-back, committed, and faithful. ☎432003 YOU AND ME SWM, 34, enjoys outdoors, good times, movies, laughter, romance. Seeking loving, caring SWF, 20-50, for LTR. ☎412476 JUST FOR YOU SWM, 29, brown/green, 5’8”, 150lbs, employed, seeks outgoing, active SWF, 21-35, who can appreciate a loving man. ☎416629

Stud Finder YOU HAVE 6 NEW MATCHES

WHOLE LOTTA LOVE SBF, 33, would like to share movies, dinners, quiet evenings at home, the usual dating activities, with a great guy. ☎463610 HIGH SCHOOL TEACHER SWF, 57, 5’11”, 130lbs, very trim, Capricorn, N/S, enjoys canoeing, backpacking, nature photography, and hiking. Seeking WM, 52-62, N/S, with similar interests. ☎358288 BE HONEST SF, 60, enjoys good conversations, going to Church, yard sales, music. Seeking SM, 5070, N/S, likes to go to Church. ☎965856 DON’T PASS ME BY SHF, 18, 5’1”, 126lbs, short/brown, would like to meet a guy for bowling, dancing and romance. ☎463061 LOVES TO LAUGH Attractive SWF, 19, 5’9”, Libra, smoker, seeks WM, 18-35, for a solid, good, honest friendship leading towards LTR. ☎455393 LOOKING FOR YOU SWF, 37, 5’6”, Scorpio, N/S, enjoys mountains, bowling, the beach and music. Seeking WM, 35-48, N/S, to be a companion, friend. ☎456544 OUTGOING WF, 50s, 5’5”, 150lbs, brunette, likes dining out, dancing, cooking, interior decorating, more. Give me a call. ☎443130 COMPANIONSHIP DWF, 48, enjoys antiquing, travel, dining out, movies and more. Seeking DWM, 48-58, for loving, tender relationship. ☎732056 NO INTRO NEEDED SBCF, 26, 5’4”, 130lbs, single parent of a 7year-old son, very independent, Gemini, N/S, seeks BM, 27-40, to be my friend. ☎432010 SEARCHING FOR MR RIGHT SBPF, 39, Libra, loves church, traveling, movies, and dining out. Seeking SBPM, 3760, for possible LTR. ☎421273 A SPECIAL SOMEONE SBF, 25, mother, seek financially stable, independent man, 20-45, who loves children, for LTR . ☎415803 NICE EVENINGS Attractive SBF, 35, enjoys nice evenings, conversation, seeking loving SBM, 30-37, for nice evenings. ☎400597 SINGLE MOM DWF, 40, 5’3”, brown/brown, full-figured, new to the area, seeks non-smoking SCM, 40+, for companionship, friendship, possibly more. ☎319109 HOPELESS ROMANTIC SBF, 25, no children, very independent, Leo, N/S, seeks BM, 26-40, N/S, with whom to share movies, dancing, and quality time. ☎300467 ARE YOU THE ONE? College educated SWF, early 40s, 5’6”, 136lbs, extroverted, enjoys camping, country living, animals, movies, traveling. Seeking same in SWM, 40-50, similar interests. ☎965910

ALL I WANT IS YOU SB mom, 28, is in search of a man, 25-45, who would want to start off as friends, leading into more. ☎459939 A SIMPLE GAL SWF, 35, 5’4”, seeks laid back man, 18-40, for casual dating, friendship maybe more. ☎418340 OUTGOING/OUTDOORS TYPE Tall, full-figured, SF, 5’10, long red hair, green eyes, outgoing, outdoors type, spends allot of time with two children, likes movies and sports. Seeking compatible SM, 24-40. ☎402582 TAKE ME DANCING SWF, 25, 5’9”, blonde/brown, Gemini, N/S, seeks WM, 30-38, N/S, who likes kids. For dating. ☎385501 LIGHT UP MY LIFE Beautiful BF, 60, 5’11”, with a brown complexion, N/S, N/D, has lots of love and passion to share with a SBM, who goes to church. ☎383766 MORE THAN AVERAGE Slender SBF, 53, 5’2”, independent, Aries, smoker, loves music, conversation, laughter.

Seeking independent, mature SBM, 48-65, for friendship first. ☎369627 MAKE ME LAUGH SWF, 41, Scorpio, smoker, seeks WM, 35-50, who is fun, likes to share life with me! ☎368509 STILL SEARCHING SWF, 47, 5’8”, 148lbs, Sagittarius, smoker, interests vary, seeks SWM, 37-48, for LTR. ☎342017 ATTENTION! Your military date is in Augusta. SF seeks military male, 29-45, with good sense of humor, good values/qualities. No abusers. Race open.

Children ok. Will answer all. ☎334255 A LOT TO OFFER SWPF, 39, 5’2”, 155lbs, loves, sports, dining out, cooking, movies, walks in the park, playing pool, travel, dining out. Seeking young man, with similar interests, for friendship and companionship. ☎321666 GET INTO THE GROOVE SWF, 43, 5’4”, 110lbs, slender, active, Capricorn, N/S, enjoys playing frisbee and nature walks. Seeking WM, 37-47, wide shoulders a+. ☎301123 GOD IS OUR SAVIOR SWF, 50, Sagittarius, N/S, loves Christian music, Christian tv, and reading the Bible.

Seeking BCM, 50-55, N/S, who sees things the same as I do. ☎299661 TO THE POINT DWF, 37, administrative assistant, Capricorn, N/S, seeks WM, 29-49, N/S, occasional drinker ok, honest, for dating. ☎299335 MEET THE CRITERIA? SBF, 32, mother, smoker, seeks considerate male, 35-42, with capability to be understanding and sincere in a relationship. ☎288180 ENVELOPING EMBRACE Kind-hearted SBCF, 52, non-smoker, enjoys dining out, attending church. Seeking loving SBCM, 52-65, with similar interests. ☎287845 FALL IN LOVE AGAIN SF, 46, dark complexion, cosmetologist, seeks caring, sensitive, employed man, 46-56, for long walks, cuddling, and more. ☎284967 FIRST TIME AD! Employed SBF, 35, no children, wants to meet a laid-back, spontaneous man, 33-41, race unimportant, to get to know as a friend and maybe progress to more! ☎280007 OLD-FASHIONED GIRL SWF, 34, attractive, blonde, with good morals and values, Leo, N/S, enjoys nature, cooking, animals, movies, and home life. Desiring marriage-minded, family-oriented WM, 32-45. ☎261032 SEEKING DEDICATED PERSON SWF, late-30s, blonde/blue, is dedicated and looking for the same in a man, for friendship first, possibly more. ☎251283

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M B D F H C LTR

Male Black Divorced Female Hispanic Christian Long-term Relationship

G W A S J P N/D N/S

Gay White Asian Single Jewish Professional Non-Drinker Non-smoker

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To respond to ads using a COMPATIBLE WOMAN WANTED DWM, 46, 5’9”, N/S, slim build, Capricorn, N/S, enjoys old cars, boating, classic rock, horror movies, mountains, beach. Seeking SWF, 38-46, N/S, for LTR. ☎341454 TAKE ME ON Male, 34, 5’10”, 180lbs, black/hazel, Capricorn, financially secure, smoker, seeks woman, 27-39, smoker, petite, who loves Nascar and beaches. ☎429058 COMMITMENT SM, 6’1”, 205lbs, outspoken, outgoing, very loving, looking for SF, who is not afraid of commitment, is loving and caring. ☎406726 SEEKING FOR LOVE Independent, attractive SBM, 28, Leo, non smoker, likes dining, movies. Seeking woman, 18-40, to have a good time, for casual friendship. Race open ☎365633 LET’S CHAT SWM, 53, Scorpio, N/S, college-educated, easygoing, enjoys travel and beaches.

Seeking friendship, possible LTR with a WF, 45-55, N/S. ☎358466 LOOKING FOR LOVE Loving, passionate SWM, 50, Pisces, non smoker, seeks WF, 35-50, to date and more.

Friends, leading to LTR. ☎353217 WORTH THE CALL Attractive SAM, 37, Pisces, non smoker, seeks woman, 18-45, non smoker, for dating and fun times. ☎349386 KEEP IT SIMPLE SWM, 45, carpenter, enjoys travel, sports, fishing, dancing, music, playing cards.

Seeking SF, who enjoys the same. ☎343229 SEEKING BBW SWM, 41, 6’, black/green, enjoys reading, movies, dining out, travel, dancing, quiet times. Seeking queen-size female, with a heart to match, for love and romance. ☎325398 MAY GOD BE WITH US Christian with deep spiritual convictions.

DWM, 61 years young, 5’11”, 155lbs, full head of salt-and-pepper hair. Seeking S/DWCF, 4560, N/S, N/D, attractive, feminine, slender, good health, self-supporting. Must exercise four times weekly, do four military push-ups and carry your own backpack five miles to keep up with me physically. Enjoys outdoor activities such as rafting, hiking, swimming and canoeing. I’m willing to participate in your interests also. Waiting to hear from you. ☎327909 SEEKING TRUE LOVE Handsome SBM, 39, compassionate, financially secure, seeks romantic, attractive, compassionate BF, 21-45, for romantic dinners, movies, walks along the beach, true friendship, LTR. You won’t be disappointed. ☎920361 SAY YOU, SAY ME SWM, 25, 5’10”, 165lbs, medium build, brown/blue, Gemini, N/S, outgoing, energetic, seeks WF, 19-28, for friendship, possible LTR. ☎302503 YOU SUPPLY... the marshmallows. I’ll supply the bonfire, SWM, 36, truck driver, Aries, N/S, loves camping. Seeking a woman, 40-58. ☎316730 JUST YOUR AVERAGE GUY SWM, 37, N/S, likes motorcycles, fishing, camping, farming, relaxing weekends.

Seeking SWF, 25-40, to join me on life’s journey. ☎287476 WOULD YOU BE MY GIRL? Light-skinned SBM, 20, 5’8”, short/brown, likes going to movies and more. Seeking single lady, 18-30, who’d like to be my girl. ☎275833 ENJOY LIFE WITH ME! SM, 52, wants to meet a fun-loving woman, 35-48, who is easy to get along with, likes sports, music, and more. ☎282853 MY DREAM GIRL SM, 29, 5’8’’, likes basketball. Looking for a female, 25-40, who enjoys going out and having a nice time! ☎274284 EARLY RETIREMENT SM, 63, works part time, deep sense of spiritual conviction, loves the Bible, fellowship, life.

Searching for similar woman, 45-56. ☎279329

LET’S FALL IN LOVE SM, 25, enjoys travel, movies, writing. Looking for a good woman, 25-42, who shares some of these interests. ☎281603 LET’S DO LUNCH SBM, 28, Leo, homeowner, entrepreneur, attractive, seeks friendship with average, every day woman, 20-40. Have your heart talk to mine. ☎270867 SOCCER LOVER SHM, 21, 190lbs, loves to play soccer.

Seeking a woman with a good personality. ☎250070 TRUE FRIENDSHIP Handsome SBM, 40, with a compassionate nature, seeks a S/DBF, 43-50, with the same qualities for a passionate relationship. ☎200917 CHEF/PIANIST 6’, 190lbs, brown/blue, handsome, amateur psychologist, nice car, time off to travel, will send photo. Seeks pretty female companion, 26-39, no kids, light smoker/drinker okay. ☎882215 MY DEMANDS ARE SIMPLE SBM, 34, seeks a relationship with a faithful and honest BF, 28-39, smoker, for an honest relationship. ☎949160 IF YOU’RE READING THIS... why not give me a call? SWCM, 19, 6’, 185lbs, brown/blue, relaxed attitude, Capricorn, N/S, seeks WF, 19-25, N/S, for possible LTR. ☎938173 LET’S HOOK UP 34-year-old SBM, 5’9”, 180lbs, Aquarius, nurse, bald head, new to area, open-minded, fun-loving, hopeless romantic. Seeking woman who loves to be romanced. ☎849401 Men Seeking Men

YOU NEVER KNOW Fun-loving, easygoing GWM, 51, 5’11”, 198lbs, enjoys cooking, movies, fishing, walking. Seeking interesting GWM, 18-33, who’s full of life, for casual relationship, possibly more. ☎676662 BOY NEXT DOOR SAM, 27, 5’9”, 147lbs, Sagittarius, smoker, seeks WM, 25-45, who enjoys fun times and a true friendship. ☎456425 SEEKING THE REAL THING BM, 32, 5’8”, 200lbs, enjoys reading, cooking, dining out, movies, spending quality time at home. Seeking WM, 25-35, who has similar interests, and wants a long-term, monogamous relationship. ☎389698 I KNOW WHERE IT’S AT SBM, 25, practical yet fun, outgoing, Aquarius, smoker, seeks a masculine, alluring, wellrounded BM, 23-45, smoker, with his priorities in order. ☎695448 LET’S MEET FOR COFFEE Good-looking GWM, 36, 6’, 200lbs, muscular, tan, enjoys working out, yard work, spending time with my dogs. Looking for attractive SM, 32-48, for dating, maybe leading to LTR. ☎436231 ME IN A NUTSHELL WM, 18, brown/blue, medium build, looking for fun, outgoing, energetic guy, 18-30, for movies, hanging out, quiet evenings at home, and more. Friends first, maybe becoming serious. ☎425471 LET’S GET CRAZY SWM, 35, 6’1”, with green eyes, is in search of a man to get together with, and share good times. ☎384239 NICE PERSONALITY A MUST SM, 29, 5’7’’, moustache and goatee, seeks down-to-earth, nice, masculine, real man, 2730, for friends, possible LTR. ☎280741 COULD IT BE YOU AND ME? GWM, 24, enjoys quiet evenings, movies, quiet evenings at home, dining out. Seeking fun, outgoing GM, with similar interests, for friendship, possible LTR. ☎471342

How do you

ADVENTURE AWAY Fun, GWM, 46, Virgo, N/S, seeks masculine H/ WM, 25-50, blue collar type, for friendship, dating, possibly more. ☎354941 LONG-TERM RELATIONSHIP Senior SWM seeks sincere, honest SWM, 2545, to share home and lifestyle. Many interests including gardening, cooking, arts and crafts, travel, camping. ☎294303 ENJOYS ALL THAT LIFE HAS GWM, 40, shaved head, goatee, Pisces, smoker, seeks very special, attractive, strong, fun-loving GBM, 30-50, for dating, possible LTR. ☎257126 NASCAR FAN SWM, 38, 6’1”, 190lbs, brown/green, is goodlooking and masculine. Seeking a man who is also masculine and enjoys going for drinks and RVing. ☎250111 100% LAID-BACK SBM, 35, 5’11”, brown skin, dark brown eyes, Virgo, smoker, bookworm, loves tv. Seeking masculine, spontaneous BM, 30-45, smoker. ☎958192 WHAT’S HAPPENING? SWM, 30, 5’7”, 200lbs, brown/blue, Aries, N/S, seeks BM, 19-35, N/S, outgoing, for friendship first, possible LTR. ☎958402 YOU CAN MAKE MY DAY Male, 60, Cancer, N/S, seeks a WM, 49-65, N/S, for casual relationship. Why not call me? ☎927707 DOESN’T PLAY GAMES Unattached GBM, 41, interested in meeting open-minded, fun-loving, honest, truthful, compassionate and loyal GM for LTR. ☎920995 BE YOURSELF Honest, caring SM, 47, 5’10”, 220lbs, seeks outgoing, ambitious, down-to-earth man, to share friendship, fun times and maybe more. ☎895468 IT’S YOUR CALL GWM, young 46, 5’11”, 200lbs, brown/brown, masculine, outgoing, enjoys travel, dining out, movies, shopping, Nascar. Would like to meet honest, passionate GM, with similar interests, for dating, possible LTR. Serious inquiries only. ☎792384 LOOKING FOR LOVE GWM, 41, 5’8’, 140lbs, Pisces, enjoys fishing, television, wood working, gardening, arts, crafts. Seeking GWM, 25-45, for friendship first, possible LTR. ☎705204 BEYOND SWM, 32, 5’11”, 155lbs, light hair, looking for good time with GM, 18-45, ☎966003

,call 1-866-832-4685

Women Seeking Women

SEEKING A RELATIONSHIP GBF, 24, enjoys dancing, sports, movies, music, quiet evenings. seeks goal-oriented GPF, 24-33, who knows what she wants. ☎474251 ENDLESS POSSIBILITIES SBF, 30, 5’5”, with brown eyes, seeks a woman, 30-36, to hang out with, get to know, and see where it goes. ☎380595 HAVE A GOOD TIME SB mom of two, 35, wishes to spend time, conversations, friendship and life with a great lady. ☎458794 I WON’T LET YOU DOWN Single GBF, 32, mother, non-smoker, looking to become acquainted with a laid-back, sensual GBF, who enjoys quiet times, movies.

Interested? ☎910581 WHY WAIT? SWF, 38, 5’6”,140lbs, short brown hair, easygoing, enjoys playing golf, the beach. Seeking feminine female, 20-40, to have fun times and more. ☎448489 GOAL ORIENTED Intelligent, happy, attractive SBF, 23, student, seeks similar SBF, 24-40, N/S, for all that life has to offer. ☎411842 LOVES CHILDREN Easygoing, nice SF, 32, looking for someone with the same qualities, 29-39, and a people person. ☎388943 OPEN-MINDED CHIC Broken-hearted GWF, 30, Libra, smoker, seeks woman, 20-45, to mend my heart. Let’s not be afraid of who we are. ☎370110 “EVERYONE’S BEST FRIEND” GWF, 26, 5’6”, medium build, likes watching movies, bowling, hanging out, malls, phone conversations. Seeking fun-loving, seriousminded GWF, 22-35, medium build, for friendship and possibly more. ☎335046 WELL-ROUNDED GWPF, 24, 4’11”, brown/brown, loves animals, movies, dancing, travel, dining out, sports, conversation. Seeking GF, with similar interests, for friendship, possible LTR. ☎329740 BEAUTIFUL AND FEMININE GWF, 32, 5’7”, 135lbs, enjoys reading, movies, dining out, travel, sports, music, movies. Seeking GWF, 25-39, with similar interests, for friendship, possible LTR. ☎329063

A REFRESHING CHANGE SWF, 30, Libra, smoker, is hoping to find it in a woman, 25-45. Will show a lot of a affection. ☎307177 AVID READER Quiet SF, 24, part-time student, into all types of music, especially oldies, pets, writing poetry. Seeking a female, 24-40, with same interests. ☎283861 BUILDING A FUTURE Hard-working, mechanically inclined SBF, 46, loves to build and rebuild. Seeing female who prefers the home life and knows what she wants from life. ☎120569 LOOKING FOR LOVE SBF, 32, 140lbs, 5’8”, down-to-earth, likes clubs, movies, and quiet times. Looking for a female, 30-35, with the same interests. If you’re the one, call me. Aiken, South Carolina. ☎113533 LIKE MALLS & MOVIES? Feminine BiBF, 25, 5’4”, 145lbs, short hair, Sagittarius, smoker, loves movies and tv.

Seeking another feminine woman, 18-30, with whom to hang out and chat. ☎958642 OUTGOING FUN WF, 28...

5’3”, medium build, loves movies, putt-putt golf, and bowling. Seeking WF, 25-40, medium build, for fun and friendship. Hope to hear from you soon. ☎958847 MAN FOR ALL SEASONS GBF, 31, 5’6”, brown/brown, Cancer, smoker, enjoys kids, bowling. Seeking open-minded, passionate, understanding GBF, 23-45, for LTR. ☎941850 NO INTRO NEEDED SWF, 39, 5’7”, 145lbs, homeowner, easygoing, selfless, Taurus, smoker, loves movies and bowling. Seeking WF, 35-49, with comparable interests. ☎935299 A GOOD HEART SF, 39, goes to church, works for a living, likes having fun, going on trips. Seeking a similar female, 37-49. ☎780112 JOIN ME GBF, 32, nurse, part-time student, Capricorn, N/S, enjoys bowling, movies, shopping, traveling. Seeking casual relationship with woman, 25-45. ☎711628 GIVE ME A RING Cute SBF, 30-something, seeks attractive SF, 25-45, for friendship, maybe more. No games. ☎965825 WASTE NO TIME GBF, 36, enjoys dining out, cooking, dining out. Seeking attractive, open-minded, fun, nice GF, 25-45, for friendship and possibly more. ☎965823

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HOPE 2 HEAR FROM YOU SF, 28, N/S, down-to-earth, humorous, caring and understanding, passion for dancing, sports, movies. Seeking loving, active CALL FOR LTR late 20s, 5’6”, 140lbs, employed, sports enthusiast looks gentleman, to share the good times in life. ☎347162 SWJF, for a smart SM for LOVING LIFE friendship and more.

SAF, 20, self-employed, home owner, enjoys boating, fishing, parting. Seeking SM, 18-22, N/S, for LTR.

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Classifieds Employment

SYSTEM TECHNICIAN I. High school graduate or equivalent. NCTI Service Technician Course or equivalent. Valid drivers license with satisfactory driving record.

Responsible for preventive maintenance and repair of the plant including the trunk and distribution system. Perform routine maintenance and repairs while providing technical support for the resolution of service related problems.

Must be able to perform duties of Installer, Installer Repair Tech I, and Service Tech I and II. NO PHONE CALLS. Apply at Charter Communications, 536 E. Robinson Ave., Grovetown, GA. EOE (06/05#8126) Seeking Model Ar tist seeking female nude model for drawing and photo sessions (no pornography). Athletic build preferred. 18 and over please.

Call (706) 951-7702 (06/05#8113)

Help Wanted Now Hiring!

X-Mar t Currently hiring full time clerks.

Neat appearance, cashier experience preferred.

Apply in person 1367 Gordon Highway.

For directions call 706-774-9755 (7/31#8103)

Seeking Job Highjumper/7.1 is looking for ex tra income and a sponsor, to suppor t his training. Call: 706-737-0842 Mail: stuar twild11@augusta.com (06/05#8116)

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Alt. Lifestyles

READINGS BY

Black Jump Boots. Never Worn. $25.00 706798-7954 (07/24#8115) –––––––––––––––––––––––––––––––––––– Regency Crystal Police Scanner. Base or mobile, receives Aiken County agencies. $35.00. 706-798-7954. (07/17#8112) –––––––––––––––––––––––––––––––––––– Bedroom Suite, dresser, chest of drawers & headboard. All 3 pieces $50.00 912-829-3226 or 912-829-4556 (07/10#8105) –––––––––––––––––––––––––––––––––––– Snap-On IM51 Air Impact Wrench, 1/2” drive, good condition, $75.00. National Detroit DA Air Sander, good condition, $60.00 Ask for Larry (813)391-9580. (07/10#8106) –––––––––––––––––––––––––––––––––––– Tons of Cloth! All types/pat terns good grade material. Will sell all for $35.00, 912-829-3226 or 912-829-4556 (07/10#8104) –––––––––––––––––––––––––––––––––––– Dining Room Table - Never used, rectangular solid light wood. Seats 4-6, paid $200.00, sell for $75.00 OBO. Silver Sony CD Car Stereo, w/ remote, paid $200.00, sell for $75.00 OBO. 706-799-0417.

(06/26#8083)) –––––––––––––––––––––––––––––––––––– Black Magnum Lace up Boots. New, never worn. Per fect for public safety officers. Sizes 9 1/2 and 10. $30.00 each. 706-798-7954.

(06/26#8084) –––––––––––––––––––––––––––––––––––– Genuine English (Raleigh) Lightweight ladies touring bike. Very good condition. $35.00, needs new tires, call Maddie 860-4745.

(06/12#8073) –––––––––––––––––––––––––––––––––––– GE Refrigerater, runs great, looks OK, $35.00 Delivery available ex tra charge. Call 706-7931563. (06/12#8071) –––––––––––––––––––––––––––––––––––– Infiniti floor speakers, with tweeter, midrange, woofer and passive radiator, $125, Call 8698931. (06/05#8063) –––––––––––––––––––––––––––––––––––– Recliner, blue, fair condition $25.00. Dinet te table w/ 4 chairs $40.00 Call 706-868-9827.

(06/05#8064) –––––––––––––––––––––––––––––––––––– Sony five CD carousel with remote, box, manual, works great, $75, call 869-8931.

(06/05#8061)

Club Argos Welcomes Lady Chablis Next Friday Night!

R E A D I N G S

Mrs. Graham, Psychic Reader, Advises on all affairs of life, such as love, marriage, and business. She tells your past, present and future. Mrs. Graham does palm, tarot card, and crystal readings. She specializes in relationships and reuniting loved ones.

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Call (706) 733-5851

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Bhakti Yoga

Now at Sacred Space 206 8th St. (706) 556-8490 Full Body Massage!

Therapeutic tension relief, intense or tender touch, rela xing music, aromatherapy, by appointment only - $49.00/hr Call Joy - 706-771-9470 or John - 706-868-5598 (06/05#8120)

Equipment WOLFF TANNING BEDS AFFORDABLE • CONVIENENT Tan At Home Payments From $25/month FREE Color-Catalog Call Today 1-800-842-1305 (05/29#8100)

Club Argos Dance Club & The Tower of Argos Leather Bar Augusta’s Premier Progressive House Dance & Entertainment Zone with DJ Joe Stone

The Shack ...

You’ll Be Back Monday-Sunday Happy Hour 8pm-1am $2 Long necks $2 Wells

1923 Walton Way Open Mon-Fri for Happy Hour @ 6:00pm with $1 off everything Wed Garage Dance Party Thu

Fri Sat

Karaoke Dance Party with DJ Joe Steel. $2 bottled beer, $2.50 Cabana Boy Rum Drinks & 2-4-1 Shots

Fri

Argos Angels’ Cabaret with w/ special guests $10 D&D

Sat

Argos Angels’ Cabaret Petite, Claire & Sasha.

Let us entertain you 12:30 am It’s not just Drag / It’s pure entertainment with Sasha and her talented showcast.

Argos is proud to present Lady Chablis Mr. Club Argos Mr. Georgia USA

Fri, June 20 Fri, July 4

DJ Chip DJ Buckwheat

Sunday Nights Karaoke 8pm-12 Midnight w/ DJ Joe

COMING EVENTS

Fri, June 13

(803) 441-0053 425 Carolina Springs Rd North Augusta, SC

Every weekend come see who is dancing in the cages!

Argos welcomes Gay, Lesbian, Bi, BDSM, Swingers, TVTS & all openminded patrons

Call us @ 481-8829 or email us at ClubArgos@aol.com

Private Investigators

Resort Rentals

RAY WILLIAMSON & ASSOCIATES Private Investigations 17 years experience Domestic Relations and Child Custody Cases Licensed and Bonded in Georgia & Carolina 706-854-9672 or 706-854-9678 fa x (06/05#8121)

Amelia Island, Florida 2 Bedroom 2 bath direct ocean front condo in the hear t of historical Fernandina Beach, Florida. A convenient location without the crowds.

736-7070 -----------560-8980 (06/05#8122)

Travel

Come have fun where the party doesn’t end!

THE COLISEUM

Premier Entertainment Complex & High Energy Dance Music Friday, 6/6 Bambi Chanel Variety Show featuring Cage COMING EVENTS Friday, 6/13 Hot Male Strippers Hollywood Hunks Friday, 6/28 Mr. Augusta/ CSRA Pride 2003 Contest

Drink Specials: WED $9 Wet N' Wild SAT All You Can Drink Well/Liquor/Draft $9

Open Mon-Fri 8pm-3am Sat 8pm-2:30am

Fri & Sat. No Cover Before 10 p.m.

1632 Walton Way • Augusta, GA

706-733-2603

Email: ColiseumAugusta@aol.com

Religion Metropolitan Community Church of Our Redeemer A Christian Church reaching to all: including Gay, Lesbian, and Transgendered Christians.

Meeting at 311 Seventh Street, 11 am and 7 pm each Sunday. 722-6454 MCCAugusta@aol.com www.mccoor.com

Wheels

Dead Bodies Wanted

We want your dead junk or scrap car bodies.

We tow away and for some we pay.

706/829-2676

OR

706/798-9060

M E T R O S P I R I T

Miscellaneous For Sale

MRS. GRAHAM

C A R D

Call 738-1142 to place your Classified ad today!

Mind, Body & Spirit

SPECIAL READINGS WITH CARD

SKYCAPS National aviation service company seeking individuals for our operations at the Augusta Regional Airport. Qualified candidates will have HS diploma and be at least 18 yrs old, have flexible schedule, and pass pre-employment bkgd and drug test. Salary $2.13/hr plus tips, benefits and 401k available. Please call (706) 849-1252 for an appointment. www.itsaviation.com EEO/M/F/D/V (06/05#8125)

87

Call 738-1142 to place your Classified ad today!

J U N E 5 2 0 0 3

At Honda Cars of Aiken

Absolutely

Are you having difficulty buying a car?

She can get you financed!

$

0

OWN D OW T TO L AYMEN S !

P RAM G O PR

SLOW CREDIT DIVORCE BAD CREDIT FIRST TIME BUYERS BANKRUPTCY

Brin PRO g in

INC OF OF OM A RES ND E IDE NCY

(NOT DISCHARGED ... NO PROBLEM!)

EVERYONE WILL BE APPROVED!

*

IT’S THAT EASY ... NO HASSLES ... NO HEADACHES ...

AND YOU’LL HAVE THE CAR OR TRUCK YOU WANT! SPECIAL ALLOCATION OF FUNDS

OVER 2 MILLION DOLLARS AVAILABLE!

1-800-207-5771 550 Jefferson Davis Hwy., • Aiken

www.hondacarsofaiken.com *Additional bank requirements must be met. Financial approval requires your ability to make car payments. Cannot exceed 20% of gross monthly income. Your new vehicle payments combined with your current monthly payments must not exceed 50% of your gross monthly income. You must prove one year of residency and one year of employment. Must be 18 years of age with and annual income of $18,000 or higher. Severity of credit can affect down payment terms and specify vehicle. Lenders reserve the right to require consumers to pay off currently financed vehicles and may require consumers to increase down payment, which will affect equity and collateral. Lenders assume no responsibility for incorrect information supplied by various credit reporting agencies. If in compliance, prevision listed above, your guaranteed to receive a credit line of at least $1,000 for the purchase of a vehicle.