Metro Spirit 06.12.2003 by Metro Spirit

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Issue 45

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June 12-18

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Contents The Metropolitan Spirit

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F R E E

W E E K LY

•

HEAT + MASSAGE + RECLINE =ZZZZZ

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River Dwellers By Brian Neill .................20

WE MAKE THE ROOMS THAT MAKE A HOME

Cover Design: Natalie Holle Torch award Winner

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Opinion Whine Line ......................................................................8 Words ...............................................................................8 This Modern World .........................................................8 Thumbs Up/Thumbs Down .........................................11 Suburban Torture ..........................................................11 Letters to the Editor .....................................................12 Austin Rhodes ...............................................................14 Insider ............................................................................16

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Metro Beat

Augusta Gets Serious With Richmond Summit .........18

Arts

Nina Benedetto Employs Dream Imagery and Sacred Geometry.......26

Music Marilyn Manson: The Man, the Myth ..........................42 Music Minis ...................................................................43 Night Life .......................................................................44

Stuff News of the Weird ........................................................46 Brezsny's Free Will Astrology ......................................47 New York Times Crossword Puzzle ............................47 Amy Alkon: The Advice Goddess ................................48 Date Maker ...................................................................49 Classifieds .....................................................................51

BRING SLOW CREDIT IN PROOF OF INCOM TO LOW E DIVORCE DOWN AND T RESIDENC PAYMEN ! Y MS PROGRA BAD CREDIT FIRST TIME BUYERS

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Movie Listings .............................................................36 Review: “Dumb and Dumberer” ................................39 Review: “Hollywood Homicide” ..................................40 Movie Clock ..................................................................41

M E T R O S P I R I T

M E T S P I R I T. C O M

ON THE COVER

Nina Benedetto Employs Dream Imagery and Sacred Geometry .......................................................................26 According to “Frankenrocker,” the Future Could Really Suck ...................................................................34 Museum Activities Will Keep Your Brain From Melting This Summer ................................................................35

EVERYONE WILL BE APPROVED!* EDITOR & PUBLISHER David Vantrease ARTS & ENTERTAINMENT EDITOR Rhonda Jones STAFF WRITERS Stacey Eidson, Brian Neill ADVERTISING SALES MANAGER Joe White ACCOUNT EXECUTIVES Kriste Lindler, Kristen Chandler PRODUCTION MANAGER Joe Smith GR APHIC ARTISTS Stephanie Bell, Natalie Holle ASSISTANT TO THE PUBLISHER Meli Gurley ACCOUNTING MANAGER/CLASSIFIEDS Sharon King ARTS & ENTERTAINMENT ASSISTANT Lisa Jordan CIRCULATION DIRECTOR Meli Gurley SENIOR MUSIC CONTRIBUTOR Ed Turner CONTRIBUTING WRITERS Chuck Shepherd, Rob Brezsny, Austin Rhodes, Amy Alkon, Rachel Deahl CARTOONISTS Tom Tomorrow, Julie Larson

THE METROPOLITAN SPIRIT is a free newspaper published weekly on Thursday, 52 weeks of the year. Editorial coverage includes ar ts, local issues, news, enter tainment, people, places and events. In our paper appear views from across the political and social spectrum. The views do not necessarily represent the views of the publishers. Visit us at www.metspirit.com. Copyright © The Metropolitan Spirit Inc. Reproduction or use without permission is prohibited. Phone: (706) 738-1142 Fax: (706) 733-6663 E-mail: spirit@metspirit.com Letters to the Editor: P.O. Box 3809, Augusta, Ga. 30914-3809

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Whine Line R

egarding this whine: “We’ve lost eight American soldiers since Sunday! Is this the way the Iraqi people thank us for freeing them from 25 years of tyranny? Shades of Cuba in the 60’s! Another back-stabbing from another people that we freed from tyranny!” Well it appears that the whiner is totally misinformed, so let me set you straight. First, you’re correct about Cuba being run by a tyrant and Iraq had been under the rule of a tyrant. Yup, the tyrants that we put there because at the time they fit our purpose. We armed them, trained them and, at one time or another, financed them. Second, like Cuba in the ‘60s the Iraqis did not ask us to free them and then govern them. Third, we did not free these two countries from tyranny; we just gave them another form of it. I am so tired of the right-wingers tooting their horn about freeing Iraq from tyranny. No, we were going into Iraq to get their Weapons of Mass Destruction. You know, those weapons that we can’t find. Remember they had tons of these weapons and we can’t find one. We impeached a president because he lied about sex. What are we going to do about a president who lied about a war? Where is the Republican morality? There isn’t any. They hide behind it when it is convenient and when it serves their purpose. I am sick and tired of reading about how little wait staff are paid and how everyone should tip generously. I tip very well for excellent service, if and when I get it, and that is not very often. I think they should be angry with the person who put a gun to their head and forced them to fill out an application for that position in the first place! Columbia County’s leadership has announced that there will be no tax increase this year. By the same token, the

assessments have gone up. Does this mean the millage rate is going to be reduced in order to have no tax increase? Answer: Absolutely not! The rate will remain the same; the assessments are going up; and taxes are going up too! There are some taxpayers who understand multiplication even if the commissioners and budget director don’t. If you consider the sad facts surrounding the Columbia County fire tax proposal (put on by the Whitehead “Republicrats” Ron Cross, Steve Brown and Tommy Mercer) can anyone tell me exactly how they will fund it without a massive increase in taxes? There ain’t no way. I never understood why people looked down on me when I was 18, 19. Now I understand why. Working with teenagers at my latest underpaid job. They have no work priorities whatsoever! Their social life comes first so the department I’m in is way understaffed every single weekend and we grownups have to bust our butts. It looks like Congressman Norwood has gotten a reputation of supporting candidates with skeletons in their closets. Norwood would be smart if he stopped trying to use his political influence in other people’s elections; otherwise, those skeletons and more like them are going to jump out of the closet and wrap themselves around Norwood for everyone to see. Let’s get real. You can eliminate Bobby Christine, Patricia Johnson and Barry Fleming right off the bat. They are too young and too inexperienced to be empowered with the rights and duties of a superior court judge. The best candidate with tons of trial experience in domestic matters is Danny Craig. Craig is also the most electable nominee and has the best judicial demeanor and temperament. If Governor Perdue were smart, he’d pick a

Words “I asked Tara once, ‘You don't get tired of all these little girls hanging around with your husband all the time?’ She just said, 'Well, there's an age limit on that.’” — A neighbor of confessed child molester, the former Bath traveling preacher J. Wesley McCoy, as quoted in The Augusta Chronicle about a conversation he once had with McCoy's wife. McCoy, the story stated, would have sleep-overs at his home, during which young girls would watch movies, eat pizza and sleep on the floor.

winner — Danny Craig. But I don’t think Sonny’s too bright. He’ll probably nominate some loser. Tax credit. To get a credit, most people with a least one brain cell would realize you have to pay taxes to get a tax credit! If you bleeding-heart liberals feel so bad, then feel free to give your earned tax credit to those who did not earn it! If memory serves me correctly, the original tax cut included those who do not pay taxes; however, the Democrats whined and cried their way to what we have now. Go figure!

what if he disagrees with the president of the U.S.A.? This country was founded by people who had their own beliefs and decided to exercise their own feelings. I never heard him say anything about our country, only President Bush. I never heard anyone called un-American when they disagreed with President Clinton’s foreign affairs actions. Mr. Moore was expressing his frustration for sending young men overseas to fight for a cause he didn’t believe was worthy of sacrificing human life.

If I could somehow invent a hand-held, remote-controlled device that could emit a strong electromagnetic pulse, and, when aimed at cars with 200-plus decibel bass booming from them, would turn those stereo systems into toaster ovens, I would never want for anything ever again.

Pertaining to U.S. troops moving back from Korea’s Demilitarized Zone: Yeah! Right! Now, with North Korea’s threatening nuclear capabilities! I say give them the ultimatum: No nukes or you’ll get nuked! Hit them first! Hit them hard! Then you needn’t worry about them ... ever! Why must the U.S. always give them the first shot?

Why was the whiner so down on Michael Moore as to call him un-American? So

continued on page 10

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continued from page 8 I am so very proud of the gentlemen at the Augusta National golf club who stood their ground, refusing to be manipulated by Martha Burk. I am so very disappointed at the good ol’ boys at NASCAR who immediately caved in to extortion by Jesse Jackson. Shame on NASCAR. What’s next, mandating victory by a black driver in the name of diversity? Just heard on the news about the fountain at the Riverwalk, and how they don’t have the money to refurbish it, to get it going again. Then they added they had to take care of the graffiti on the park benches and things like that. It seems to me, if people would quit drawing all over the place and messing things up, we would have the money to repair things like the fountain. Augusta should build the new court complex building downtown near the citycounty building or the law enforcement center. The Regency Mall should be renovated into a new performing arts center, exhibit hall trade center and sports arena. To the whiner complaining about how rich Republicans are benefiting from tax cuts, while 11.9 million poor children will get nothing: This is going to be way over your head, but I will try anyway. A tax cut benefits the people who paid the taxes. If you paid no taxes you don’t get a rebate. Ninty percent of the taxes col-

lected in this country are paid by 10 percent of the working adults. That is why Bush and Cheney will get rebates, but like most liberals the facts you included in your whine are not just inaccurate, they are fabricated lies. Giving a tax rebate to someone, who didn’t pay any taxes means taking the money out of the pockets of those who did pay the taxes in the first place. Or are you one of those liberals who think there is some kind of magical pot full of never-ending money? What a wonderful democracy we have. We have politicians who want to give money away to everybody except the people who have really earned it. In his letter to the editor in The Spirit, William Corley said that President Bush would go down as the most corrupt president in history. Were you in a coma for the eight years that Clinton was in office? I don’t think this president or any future president will ever come close to the Clintons’ corruption, immorality and lying. Where does Mr. Corley get his facts? As Winston Churchill once said, “A man should be a liberal in his youth to show he has a heart, and a conservative in adulthood to show he has a brain!” Mr. Corley demonstrates this well. Liberals operate on feelings, conservatives on facts. To the authors of the letters to the editor this past week: You’re both stupid! The

Spirit publishes those letters, because people at The Spirit are such left-wing liberals. I have made this comment before and they have never published it, I don’t think they’ve got the guts to publish it. You two letter-writers are left-wing, penloving, cowards. Let’s see if The Spirit has the guts to publish this. I doubt it! Austin Rhodes’ opinion last week once again shows his hypocritical ignorance. He whines about how the U.S. government was cutting veteran benefits to his grandfather, yet he himself has helped vote those very Republicans into power who have historically and repeatedly voted to cut VA benefits, not to mention Medicaid and Medicare. It’s people like him that are the problem. Austin, either vote with your conscience or smarten up and shut up! Blame the performing arts center fiasco on the Arts Council, not on its arts organizations. It was the Arts Council that prepared the performing arts center proposal while consulting with its member arts groups as little as possible. Someone in Atlanta owns the Richmond Summit and they are getting rich with tax money at Augusta’s expense. Stop the cash flow and shut it down! To the person who says they don’t have enough manpower to patrol for speeders on I-20: Why not simply remove the

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speed limit signs? Now the problem is solved and additional manpower will not be required. How much more violence has to happen before our county commission can understand that the Richmond Summit can no longer exist? Our downtown businesses do not deserve this. To the obvious liberal whining idiot who wants the VP to use moral judgement and resign from office: Where were you and your kind when “Slick Willie” was using his moral judgement with Monica? What’s up with the Columbia County police dept? Has anyone else been stopped late at night on some BS charge of failure to maintain your lane? No ticket or warning is issued. It’s just a reason to check you for DUI. I work shift work and am out late some nights, as I was on Belair Road one evening and I happened to make a mistake of turning around into the parking lot of The Backyard Tavern. When two cop cars with flashing lights and bullhorns shouting God only knows what. I came got of the car with my hands up like I’d seen the bad boys on TV do, when one of the officers shouted out of his car to get back in the vehicle. One officer wouldn’t even give me his name and one of the officers was a sergeant so I know they weren’t rookies. I filed a complaint but what can you do?

Austin needs to brush up on his history! I don’t remember a police action ever in the UK. Furthermore, it is disrespectful for a civilian to wear an active-duty veteran’s uniform in public, especially in a foreign country. His grandfather had a very distinguished service record, and I have no doubt he would have found Austin’s display very offensive as would all the other brave servicemen of D-day and all other battles. I was very upset to see him posing for such a picture. His ego obviously got in the way of respect. To the writer of this whine: “Shades of Cuba in the ‘60s! Another back-stabbing from another people that we freed from tyranny!” Newsflash! Cuba is still and has been under tyranny for over 40 years. The guy’s name is Fidel Castro. You know, the one with the beard! Augusta, CSRA, wake up! Fort Gordon needs our support. If Fort Gordon leaves, so do a lot of your paychecks. Fort Gordon is community! - Call our Whine Line at 510-2051 and leave your comments. We won’t use your name. Fax your whines by dialing (706) 733-6663 or e-mail your whines to whine@metspirit.com.

Suburban Torture BY

JULIE

LARSON

Thumbs Up To University of Georgia President Michael Adams for hanging the college's athletics director and former Bulldogs football coach, Vince Dooley, out to dry. The Atlanta Journal-Constitution reported that Adams was forming a search committee to find a replacement for the 70-year-old Dooley, whose 40-year tenure as athletics

director has recently seen a spate of NCAA infractions, including academic fraud and the online selling of SEC championship rings. There's no denying Dooley's taken the school's athletic teams to soaring heights over the years, but his department's recent ethics problems has him at fourth down, with far too long to go.

Thumbs Down That it seemed to take ongoing media attention and, finally, a Molotov cocktail thrown at a door, to get the local sheriff's department to crack down on criminal activity at the Richmond Summit housing complex on Broad Street. As it was reported in The Spirit more than a month ago, deputies had responded to the complex in the 700 block of Broad Street more than 600 times over a two-year period. Those calls included a stabbing and a man who sought refuge

inside the complex after robbing a bank. But even after other area media began following the story, problems at Richmond Summit continued to occur. Not until after a man reportedly lobbed a gas bomb at the door of one of the tenants did a task force from the sheriff's department finally descend on the building and make arrests. Hopefully, it doesn't take something so extreme for those in other places experiencing rampant crime to get relief.

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Letters to the Editor

Marketing Augusta: SPLOST Can Help

pinions are like bellybuttons: Everyone has one. I am sure that everyone out there has an opinion on the SPLOST fund and how it should be spent if you are on the pro side of voting for the tax increase. Or you may be on the side that believes that government should stay out of all of these issues and let private funding take care of sports arenas, performing arts theaters and the exhibit and trade center. Well, maybe everyone should consider taking another side of the issue. I was raised in Augusta and have watched it change over the past 37 years by leaps and bounds. Not always positive change. Positive change. Sometimes, positive change that turns into a negative. But change indeed. My husband was raised in Augusta and we are raising our four daughters here. I am committed to this town. And as a marketing consultant I feel that Augusta has a lot to offer to new businesses and their families. Of course, could we raise the stakes? Absolutely! The biggest problem with Augusta right now is us! The people of Augusta do not see ourselves as Augustans. We see ourselves in segregated groups. There is the hill section, west Augusta, south Augusta, Olde Town and Martinez (though a true Augustan does not like that word). Then, of course, we have a true racial division that no one likes to talk about, but everyone knows is there. People want to argue for funding or real estate deals or church members or school districts. Anything that can split us down the middle seems to do just that! We never seem to agree that what we have is made so much better when we pool our resources and share. Didn’t I learn that in kindergarten? Augusta has so much to offer. More than one week of golf in the spring. We have a fine Southern art museum known throughout the country, an incredible science center, a fine arts and ethnic festival known throughout the Southeast, a beautiful Riverwalk with historical downtown Augusta being revitalized, the Augusta Canal that is one of only a few in the country and the finest medical community in Georgia! Who says we cannot market Augusta right now? Taking these assets and putting together a strong city marketing campaign now would be the smartest use of our city budget. A campaign that highlights not only the great aspects of Augusta, but one that rallies our own community to realize how special it is to be an Augustan. The SPLOST fund would

Renee Garner Williamson take two to 10 years to see new projects finished. Yes, it would make a tremendous difference in our marketing efforts to companies outside of Augusta. Our new strong chamber leader and city government who showed unity as a team would make a difference now. Marketing our unified city is the way to start. Are you really an Augustan? Do you really want what is best for Augusta? Well, step up to the plate! Make yourself known! Find out how this SPLOST fund can impact our community. The only way we can bring companies to our city is to market our city better. We can start doing that now by standing up and calling ourselves Augustans! A real team who cares. Yes. I believe that the SPLOST fund can make a real impact on marketing our city to others if that fund is handled appropriately, without the political string-pulling, backbiting and trading favors that has occurred in the past. The SPLOST fund needs to catapult this city into the 21st century if we can put our differences aside. Use that money in a team effort to make our city the great one that she is and show companies that we are not left behind in the last century, but that we are ready for the future! Bring jobs to our city and produce income for our other local businesses. Find out how you can be a part of the future of Augusta. Start right now by calling yourself an Augustan and lead the effort to form our team! — Renee Garner Williamson Marketing Consultant

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nce again government bureaucrats are ready to spend our money for a noble cause, whether the cause is legitimate or not. This week the Richmond County school officials, citing federal studies that children perform better academically when they have had breakfast in the morning, announced that everybody eats free this year. At least until December, when the program and its results will be evaluated. And yes, you read that correctly: Everyone will eat breakfast for free. Whether they need a free meal or not. As I watched my son wolf down his miniwheats before heading out to swimteam practice this morning, I wondered how many children have to start out their day without food. Probably the same number who start school barely potty trained, and with no concept of their ABC’s or 1-2-3’s. Our kids were reading long before they hit first grade, just as I was. That was because I had parents who could not only afford three bucks a week to keep me knee-deep in Kellogg’s, but who cared enough to send a kid to school prepared. I am all for feeding the truly needy, but if the school system really wants to make a difference in the lives of at-risk kids, instead of free breakfasts, they’ll start handing out free parents. The Rebel Gets Support From an Interesting Group The NAACP is turning up the heat on Edgefield County school leaders to dump the Rebel mascot at Strom Thurmond High School (STHS), but much like other “heat” generated by that group in the Palmetto State, the protests are getting lukewarm response. NAACP leaders were making the case to BOE officials that the mascot needed to go, when lo and behold the mascot was defended by a STHS student, who happens to be black.

The young man, who served as the editor for the most recent school yearbook, said his fellow students have no problem with the Rebel, and as a matter of fact, he made sure the symbol appeared on every page of the annual. The student, obviously wise beyond his years, said that those protesting needed to worry about things that really matter, like a shortage of instructional funds. Now that kid is a Rebel! Martha Burk’s Congressional Buddy Makes Noise The New York Daily News is reporting that Democrat New York Congresswoman Carolyn Maloney, a friend of anti-Augusta National crusader Martha Burk, is drafting legislation aimed at curbing tax writeoffs that involve the National, and other single gender organizations. Quoting Tuesday’s New York Daily News: “Maloney calls her bill, the Ending Tax Breaks for Discrimination Act of 2003, the Title IX of the business world. She hopes it will lead to equal access for women to elite clubs like Augusta, just as Title IX gave girls and women access to school sports programs.” What Maloney hopes to do is end tax breaks for entertainment expenses run up at clubs like Augusta National. An interesting side effect of such legislation could be the end of tax write-offs for donations to charitable single-gender organizations like the YWCA. Last time I checked, the Augusta National Golf Course has no written exclusionary policies; the YWCA certainly does. Just thought I would point that out. — The views expressed in this column are the views of the writer and do not necessarily represent the views of the publisher. The archived Austin Rhodes columns can now be seen at www.wgac.com.

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Jim Wall: New Judge or City Attorney? Perhaps Neither

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olitcal insiders and sources close to local government report that City Attorney Jim Wall will not likely renew his contract to serve as the attorney-of-record for the city of Augusta when it comes up for renewal at the end of the year. Unless something drastic changes, Wall and his firm, Burnside, Wall, Daniel, Ellison & Revell will move on, leaving the city with some big decisions on how to proceed with important legal matters facing Augusta. The law firm has a long history representing the city. Former city attorney and partner in the firm, Robert Daniel, now deceased, was the longtime counsel and political deal-maker for Richmond County. His reputation as a go-to guy to get things done is legendary. Daniel not only dished out legal advice, he was a powerful political figure who dominated the Richmond County Commission during most of his tenure as city attorney. After Daniel’s death, Wall took over the duties on behalf of the firm. It has been a rocky road for Wall at times. The consolidation bill that merged the old city of Augusta with Richmond County called for the formation of a law department. Several commissioners wanted to dump Wall’s firm and quickly develop an internal law department until they realized that the quality of their legal advice might suffer. Commissioner Marion Williams has been especially critical of the city attorney. Wall’s frustration in dealing with the various personalities involved in the governing process has been evident for a while. Now, apparently, he’s had enough. As The Insider reported weeks ago, Wall has indicated his desire to be considered for the judicial vacancy created by the resignation of Superior Court Domestic

City Attorney Jim Wall Relations Judge Lyn Allgood. Wall’s legal experience certainly qualifies him but the political question is whether he has the necessary Republican credentials to make him a contender. Republican Governor Sonny Perdue will make the appointment. Regardless of the outcome of the judicial appointment process, it is highly unlikely that Wall will remain city attorney after this year. —The views expressed in this column are the views of The Insider and do not necessarily represent the views of the publisher.

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Pest Obituaries In loving memory Jonathan Roachman “Roachy”

In loving memory Edward J. Termitopolous

Jonathan Roachman, “Roachy,” died Saturday, May 10, 2003, at the age of eight months, fifteen days. A devoted husband and father, Mr. Roachman enjoyed nothing more than sitting around with his wife, eighty-one daughters, seventy-three sons and hundreds of grandchildren to feast upon his favorite dinner: the glue on the back of postage stamps and envelopes. In his younger years, Mr. Roachman was captain of the Varsity Wall Climbing Team at Bug U. He later went on to climb, professionally, but was forced to retire after a near miss from a flying shoe resulted in a broken antenna. A celebration of his life will take place at 2 a.m. on Wednesday, May 14, 2003, in the manila envelope behind the filing cabinet in the garage, with burial services scheduled for later that evening underneath the stack of old newspaper in the corner.

Edward J. Termitopolous, 1 year, passed away Saturday, May 10, 2003. A devoted worker, Mr. Termitopolous developed a taste for floor joists at an early age. He went on to join the colony at 335 Mockingbird Land, quickly rising up thorough the ranks. Then in January of 2003, after months of research, Mr. Termitopolous successfully discovered the way to get past nearly every termite bait system, now known around most termite circles as “The Eddie Method.” Mr. Termitopolous was currently working on trying to get past the Sentricon Baiting System offered by Advanced Services for Pest Control when he unknowingly transferred it to everyone in his colony. As a result, the fate of his nearly three million relatives is also in jeopardy at this time. Services are to be held in the elm tree in the front yard at 12 p.m. on Tuesday, May 13, 2003. In loving memory Theodore McCricket

I. Edith Wood, eighteen months, passed away Saturday, May 10, 2003. Born in the floorboards at 235 Briarwood Ave, her family moved to the attic in late 2002. Ms. Wood gave birth to over nine thousand children of which she is survived by eightthousand and twenty-two of them who have since relocated. Services will be held at 11 a.m. on Tuesday, May 13, 2003, under the sink.

Theodore McCricket, 1 year, passed away Saturday, May 10, 2003. Throughout his life Mr. McCricket enjoyed destroying the root systems of most grasses, but his personal favorites were always Bermuda and Bahia. Last summer, Mr. McCricket and a few buddies visited The Eagles Golf Course, resulted in the now infamous dried-out green on the fifth hole. Services will be held at 1 p.m. on Wednesday, May 14, 2003.

In loving memory Sandi Flea

In loving memory Robert Thomas Antsworth “Bob”

Sandi Flea, 5 months, passed away Saturday, May 10, 2003. An avid lover of all animals and traveling. Ms. Flea thoroughly enjoyed spending her time moving from one house to the next on the back of a passing mongrel. Services will begin at 10 a.m. Friday, May 16, 2003 on the back of the Golden Retriever named “Skippy.”

Robert Thomas Antsworth “Bob,” died Saturday, May 10, 2003 at the age of thirteen months, at his home in the playground sandbox located at 22 Cypress Drive. Mr. Antsworth played an integral part in the takeover of the playground sandbox from ”The Johnson's” in the spring of 2002. His efforts to secure the Northwest corner of the area were, to quote his commanding officer, “the stuff heroes are made of.” Service will be held at 11 a.m. on Tuesday, May 13, 2003 along the crack in the sidewalk by the garage.

In loving memory I. Edith Wood

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MetroBeat Augusta Gets Serious With Richmond Summit

hen Augusta Commissioner Andy Cheek sat outside Richmond Summit in a pedestrian courtyard that runs perpendicular to Broad Street late one night a few weekends ago, he could have sworn he was watching an episode of the latest television crime show. “I went out on a fact-finding mission and sat in the rear of the building between Ellis Street and the (pedestrian) park area with several repeat felons,” Cheek told the Augusta Commission’s public safety committee on June 9. These were individuals Cheek had discovered simply hanging out behind Richmond Summit, a 135-unit apartment complex on Broad Street that houses elderly and mentally and emotionally handicapped residents. Last month, these apartments had been brought to the Augusta Commission’s attention by members of Main Street Augusta and the Downtown Development Authority. Both downtown organizations were concerned about the amount of crime occurring in and around the building. “I sat there and watched someone hold the back door open and johns or seekers of illegal drugs would drive up and these people (hanging out in the rear of Richmond Summit) would get into the car,” said Cheek, adding that there was a person inside the apartments that served as a constant lookout. “The car would then drive off or sometimes people would even walk to an adjacent alleyway and do business.” It appeared to Cheek that Richmond Summit had its own version of a mid-

night drive-through, only sex and drugs were on this menu. In an April cover story in The Spirit about the troubled apartment complex, a crime analysis from the Richmond County Sheriff’s Department for 744 Broad St., Richmond Summit’s location, showed that deputies responded to the apartment complex a total of 659 times over a two-year period ending April 1. And those calls ranged from reports of loud noise and public drunkenness to thefts, robberies, burglaries and assaults. After a Richmond Summit resident allegedly robbed the Regions Bank on Broad Street in March, representatives from Main Street Augusta and the Downtown Development Authority suggested that some of the crime around the complex could be curbed if the Augusta Commission voted to reopen the pedestrian courtyard to traffic. The courtyard, once known as Albion Avenue, was reportedly closed in 1981 to provide those living in the apartment complex a safe place to congregate. When Richmond Summit residents learned of the request to reopen their courtyard to traffic, more than 30 of them attended the Augusta Commission’s May 6 meeting to protest the action. The commission voted unanimously to leave the pedestrian courtyard alone. But Richmond Summit continues to have serious problems. On June 3, The Augusta Chronicle reported that a Molotov cocktail was thrown at a resident’s door on the third floor of the building. In the days that followed, the

BY STACEY EIDSON

Richmond County Sheriff’s Department began heavily patrolling the area and reportedly arrested several individuals, hanging around the apartment complex, for disorderly conduct. The apartment’s management also held a meeting last week, promising increased security. This past weekend, Cheek said he decided to make another late-night trip to the rear of Richmond Summit to see

if the situation had improved. “I went by and there was a sheriff’s car at the apartment and I can truly say they’ve had 30 or so cases (of arrests) brought this weekend,” Cheek said. “And it should be pointed out that the people they are arresting are not people who live there per se, but people visiting people who live there. “There’s that one little group of people in there that are causing problems

“There’s that one little group of people in there that are causing problems and everybody else is living as prisoners in their own home.” – Augusta Commissioner Andy Cheek (pictured above)

and everybody else is living as prisoners in their own home,” Cheek added. “Certainly we owe it to these people to try to help them any way we can.” And while the situation at the Richmond Summit had improved, Cheek said he still didn’t see the increased security that the apartment managers had promised. “Back in that area, there was no management or no security whatsoever,” Cheek said. “There was a management office that I saw when I walked by and it was nice and closed up.” Cheek said there were still individuals inside the apartment complex that had the back door of the building propped open. “If that back door at the Richmond Summit had an alarm or if they had a camera there and someone on staff to monitor it, they would be able to nip this stuff in the bud,” Cheek said. Augusta Commissioner Lee Beard, who represents the downtown area, said it only makes sense that the management of the apartment should hire private security for the building. “I see no reason why they can’t have night security there,” he said. “The landlord should accept some of the responsibility.” Unfortunately, Cheek said, like many other apartment complexes within Richmond County classified as Section 8 housing, it appears that the owners of Richmond Summit simply do not care. “This is a situation in that we have absentee landlords come in and do not manage their property,” Cheek said. “That federal check comes in and the landlords could care less about the junkyard or hillbilly environment that these people are living in.” Augusta Commissioner Bobby Hankerson said that it’s up to the citizens of Augusta-Richmond County and local law enforcement to drive the criminal element at such places out of their neighborhoods. “You have to get serious,” Hankerson said. “You have to have the people who live in that area and the people in that particular apartment to be a part of the revitalization and anti-drug activities. And the sheriff’s department and the citizens are the ones that are going to change this element.” Hankerson said he remembers a few years ago when his former neighborhood, Barton Village, and the sheriff’s department decided to take back their streets. “Most of the people doing the activities were from outside the neighborhood – folks from downtown coming into the area,” Hankerson said. “We had helicopters (circling the neighborhood) and sting operations. And we saw people down on their faces in handcuffs and running down the streets, and I would just clap my hands, saying, ‘Good. Now they know we are serious.’ “We’ve got to make these people know that we are serious. We are going in there. We are going to raze the place. We are going to arrest them. We are going to take them down and take them to jail. That’s what we need to do.” The public safety committee unanimously voted to continue monitoring and working with federally subsidized housing in the area to ensure the safety of Richmond County citizens.

Hottie Hunt You know who they are. The people you secretly lust after. Maybe you know a sexy stable boy from Aiken, a luscious grocery store clerk here in Augusta or a tractor-driving hunk from Columbia County. The guy or gal who serves you espresso at the coffee place, lunch or dinner at your favorite restaurant or tends bar at your regular watering hole. Maybe it’s the hottie who delivers packages to your office or works in the store where you buy clothes. It could be the sexy person who works in your office or that fine hottie who’s always two treadmills down from you at the gym. It could be anybody, as long as they’re hot…

But not … a local celebrity, media person, politician, stripper or money-grubbing professional. We want REAL people. In the June 26 edition of The Spirit we’ll pay tribute to these unsung hotties. To do that WE NEED YOUR HELP. Complete the ballot and inform us how to find the hottie(s) that get your attention – time and time again. When we’ve compiled the results we’ll contact these hotties and feature them in The Spirit. Come on, tell us the object of your secret lust. THE HOTTIE HUNT RULES AND REQUIREMENTS: • Enter as many names as you like. Locally famous people will be discarded. We know Danielle Reese is definitely a hottie, but she’d be disqualified under the contest guideines. Get it? • Tell us as much as you can about the person(s) you choose. Names (if you know), where they work and what time you think we can reach them, and why you think your pick is a hottie. Provide as much indentification and information as possible so we can find these sexy people. Of course, your name is not required and we will feature interviews with these hotties ONLY with their permission. So enter the contest and make your favorite hottie famous. YOU MAY ENTER YOUR PICK BY MAIL, FAX OR COMPLETE OUR ONLINE BALLOT Mail: Hottie Hunt c/o Metro Spirit P.O. Box 3809 Augusta, GA 30914

Fax: 706-733-6663 Online: www.metspirit.com

Deadline for Entries: Wednesday, June 18 Ballot Info: Name (if known)______________________________________________________________________________ Where the Hottie Works_______________________________________________________________________ What is this Hottie’s Job_______________________________________________________________________ Description of this Hottie and your comments__________________________________________________ ______________________________________________________________________________________________ ______________________________________________________________________________________________ ______________________________________________________________________________________________

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I V E R O

n the hottest days, Joyce Sancken has only to walk downstairs to the rear of her home, nearer the water, in order to feel 10 degrees cooler. If that’s not enough relief, she can descend a set of wooden steps to a floating dock, climb down the rear of a moored boat, and delight in the cool, rejuvenating current of the fast-flowing Savannah River. “In July, when it’s 100-and-something degrees, we just walk down the steps on the boat in the back, get wet, and that’s all it takes,” Sancken said. “It’s just very refreshing. We don’t really swim a lot in the river, but we will get wet. It cools us off.” Sometimes, after a long day, Sancken and her family opt to drift and dine. “We go upstream past the North Augusta area, and then we cut the boat off and we float down,” Sancken said. “You know, candles on the boat. And it’s so nice.” Finding her way to this retreat of quietude overlooking the river, was a fluke. Sheer, unadulterated luck. It was in late 1998 that Sancken and her husband, George, had been hunting for a new home, possibly something in the downtown area. Sancken hadn’t really thought much about riverfront living when, returning from one of the couple’s house-hunting trips, the impulse struck her to turn right at the western end of Reynolds Street onto Waters Edge Drive. “And I decided to just come up here and see if anything was here for sale,” Sancken recalled. “And the sellers had just put a ‘For Sale’ sign up, by owner. I just stopped and knocked on the door ... And they showed me through the house. Of course, I fell in love when I walked in the front door, with the view and everything.” Luck may have brought her to the Waters Edge subdivision, but there’s one thing for sure: It would take an act of God to make her move. “There’s a saying: ‘Once you live on the river, you don’t want to move,’” Sancken said. “I have a friend that lives on the river, and she told me that her plans were to move three years after they got here, and build a house. Well, that’s been 18 years ago. She says, ‘We can’t get off the river.’ And that’s the way I feel.” Others who have had the good fortune to live on the river feel the same way. Between periodic draws on his pipe, home-builder J. Haynes Waters, III ruminated on river life while glancing over at the Augusta Riverwalk and Jessye Norman Ampitheatre from the bay window of his home in North Augusta’s River Club. continued on page 22

THIS PAGE, TOP TO BOTTOM: View from the dock of George and Joyce Sancken’s home in Waters Edge; home builder J. Haynes Waters, III and his wife, Ille, sit on their back porch, which overlooks the Augusta Riverwalk and amphitheater, in North Augusta’s River Club. OPPOSITE PAGE: J. Haynes Waters, III stands on the back steps of a home, estimated to be worth more than $2 million, that he built roughly 16 years ago on the North Augusta side of the Savannah River; the charming, cottage-style front of George and Joyce Sancken’s Waters Edge home; Roy and Martha Chalker drink in the natural beauty from the balcony of their Goodale Landing home.

BY BRIAN NEILL

21 M E T R O

“I enjoy, when I wake up, looking at the river, and you can tell how fast the water’s moving. And watching the birds, and the sea gulls, and the rowing team come down. That’s very interesting, to see how much we do need this river, more so than people think we do.” — Joyce Sancken, a Waters Edge resident.

DWELLERS

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22 M E T R O S P I R I T J U N E

Warren Zevon Works on His Final Project.

feeling, and all human beings want to live

See Page 43.

chance, most human beings would move

“Living on the water is such a peaceful on water. It’s a natural thing. If given a right next to the water to be there.”

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continued from page 20 These homes, which border the River Club golf course, have just sprouted up over the past several years and command prices of $700,000 or more — if, as Waters points out, you were lucky enough to find one for sale. “I would say, reasonably, on the river in North Augusta, expect to pay $750,000,” Waters said. “You can expect that now, because there are no longer any more on the North Augusta side.” Like Sancken, Waters notes it’s hard to entice people to move once they’ve put down roots on the river. “Living on the water is such a peaceful feeling, and all human beings want to live on water,” Waters said. “It’s a natural thing. If given a chance, most human beings would move right next to the water to be there. Part of it, I guess is, we came from it; 90 percent of our bodies are made up of it.” The River: A Gem With Many Facets Waters not only lives on the river, but has made this Zen of lifestyles possible for others, having built the majority of the homes in River Club and the first eight or so homes in Waters Edge — the name of which is both a geographic reference and the namesake of his uncle, developer L.D. Waters. Waters, a Savannah native, also has built standalone homes up and down the Savannah River, mostly on the North Augusta side. Weaving through side streets and back roads in North Augusta in his pickup truck, Waters led a brief tour of some of the area’s hottest properties. At one point, he descended a surprisingly steep driveway of some several hundred feet that my Honda Civic later protested having to ascend. “You sometimes have to do some pretty drastic things, living on the river,” Waters said, referring to the sharp descent that brought us to a mammoth, wood-sided house fronting the start of the Savannah River headwaters, where the river’s navigable depth begins. This house, formerly lived in by a Westinghouse executive, sold for $1.3 million, three years ago, Waters said. Another, which Waters built roughly 16 years ago, located just down the road, is even more impressive. Though he doubts its owner

would ever sell it, Waters imagines this threestory, wood-sided house (pictured above) with its expanse of wooden steps snaking down to the river would easily fetch $2 million or more. Tucked away among the trees, well beneath their sloping drives, these homes, stately as they are, go mostly unnoticed except by boaters. Others, further upriver in subdivisions like Savannah Barony, also carry hefty price tags and, owing to their locations high above the unnavigable rapids, receive only chance glimpses from passing motorists on I-20. Although these examples represent the extreme upper crust of river living, Waters said there are still options for those who aren’t necessarily multi-millionaires. “You can get on the river for as little as $175,000, which is Goodale (Landing), up to $350,000 at Waters Edge,” Waters said. “There are a couple in there that might be less than that, but I wouldn’t let one go for less.” Waters also described how each riverfront population subset differs. “Every part of the river’s different,” Waters said. “In Waters Edge, you look out over what’s going to be the new town center of North Augusta. Those things sold out in four years — gone. “Goodale Landing was different. You know, it’s out of town (off Sand Bar Ferry Road). It’s looking out over the beautiful South Carolina natural area over there. You know, ‘Come to Goodale Landing, keep the boat in the water, and on a Friday just hop in your boat and cruise on down to Savannah.’ “Savannah Barony ... it’s not living on the river; it’s living above the river, looking down at the river and enjoying the natural beauty of it.” Where Waters currently resides, in River Club, offers yet another aspect of the river’s beauty, he said. “This is a combination of all of them, but instead of natural beauty, I kind of call this looking out over human nature, because of the city,” Waters said. “And at night, that place comes alive, with the lights dancing off the river. You would not believe how romantic and beautiful it is over here at night looking out over that city.” Roy and Martha Chalker moved into their Goodale Landing home a little more than a

year ago. “We both like boating and like to be outside,” said Roy Chalker, owner of Chalker Publishing Company in Waynesboro. “We like the sun and like the water. This gave us the opportunity to have a boat and really utilize it. I think boat ownership can be a real headache if you can’t use it. And here, you can come home in the afternoon and step down and crank up your boat and drive down the river just like you would your car on the street.” Martha Chalker said she enjoys the view and watching the wildlife, which recently included a couple of otters that occasionally showed up to play around their dock. “I think the water is therapeutic,” Martha Chalker said. “You get up in the morning and look out and feel great.” Although Goodale Landing more closely mirrors condominium-style living than its counterparts upriver, Roy Chalker says that suits him fine. “We like this type of living, because we pay a monthly maintenance fee and we don’t have to worry about cutting grass or any of those problems,” he said. “We have an opportunity to really enjoy where we live.” The couple have adapted a side room into a study, which they call the “River Room,” because of its floor-to-ceiling windows that afford an abundant view of the water. Though the Goodale Landing entrance is at the eastern terminus of Laney-Walker Boulevard, where a significant amount of industry is located, Roy Chalker said that’s all out of sight, out of mind, once they drive over the levee. “I think that, if you ride into Goodale Landing from Bobby Jones, you come through an industrial area, and that might put a lot of people off,” he said. “But once we cross the levee, we don’t even think about those industries. We don’t hear anything; we don’t smell anything.” What’s Good for a Few, Good for All Although more affordable riverfront living options like Goodale Landing may still be out of reach for many, Waters maintains the area as a whole stands to gain from future waterfront development, as residents of overcrowded tourist meccas like Charleston, Savannah and Beaufort start

seeking relief in second-tier communities like North Augusta. For more than a decade, North Augusta leaders have sought a plan of action to capitalize on the underutilized banks of the Savannah River. Now, they can safely say that plan has come to fruition and continues to expand in its scope. Waters pointed to the soon-to-beembarked-on project to develop roughly 200 acres of land just west of the 13th Street Bridge into a planned community as another potential boost to the area, derived from the river. “They’re going to have tremendous options in North Augusta to live off-river, but still enjoy the river,” Waters said. “I’ve already met with them (developers). I know what’s going on; it’s going to happen. Right off the river, you’ll have houses that front the river — the front of the houses look out over the river. Community docks. And everybody will have access to the river and it will be well maintained.” Waters envisions those residents driving their boats over to Augusta, tying up at the bulkhead, and enjoying evening meals at local restaurants. He’s also excited about the recent talk between local leaders concerning the construction of a pedestrian bridge crossing the Savannah River between North Augusta and Augusta. Sancken, of Waters Edge, said living on the river has made her understand how important the waterway is to the community. “Like the population of Augusta, I would say 75 percent probably don’t realize the benefit we have of having this river and living on the river,” Sancken said. “A lot of people pull up in here and don’t know where they are and turn around real quickly and go back out. “I enjoy, when I wake up, looking at the river, and you can tell how fast the water’s moving. And watching the birds, and the sea gulls, and the rowing team come down. That’s very interesting, to see how much we do need this river, more so than people think we do.” Just as the river ebbs and rises, overcoming all obstacles and carrying clutter and debris away, so, too, will it overcome the forces that have hampered growth here, Waters thinks. Thus, things like bad politics and poor planning should be no match for the current, both literal and metaphoric, flowing through the area. “It’s (river living) the coming thing; it’s getting huge. People are coming in (to North Augusta) from everywhere looking at it now as a retirement alternative to Beaufort, Charleston, Savannah — places that are so crowded people don’t want to be there anymore,” Waters said. “This is going to have a great impact on the local economy, especially Augusta. Augusta is going to start booming when these people start moving in here. Already, it’s hard to get into a lot of the restaurants, but it’s going to be impossible in two years. “So you’re going to have a lot more restaurants and higher-end stuff going in there (Augusta). You’re going to have Atlantatype restaurants moving in, maybe even putting a restaurant in over here to capitalize on the retirement population. “It’s going to boom. The entire area is going to explode when it happens.”

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24 M E T R O S P I R I T

Martha Stewart: Wonder Woman or

J U N E 1 2 2 0 0 3

Wicked Witch? M

artha Stewart now has an FBI mug shot. And this week, her famous finger tips weren’t tearing through topsoil or whipping fluffy egg whites; they were being fingerprinted by federal authorities. Just a few short years ago, the idea of Stewart being indicted on charges of conspiracy, obstruction of justice and securities fraud dealing with a 2001 stock trade would have been a preposterous notion. After all, this is the woman who turned a small catering business she started in the basement of her former Westport, Conn., home in 1976 into an enormous media and merchandising company, called Martha Stewart Living Omnimedia, Inc., that reportedly earned approximately $295 million last year. And 2002 was an off year.

In 1999, after Martha Stewart Living Omnimedia went public on the New York Stock Exchange and on its first day opened at 18 and skyrocketed to 52, Stewart told the CBS news program, “60 Minutes” that in five years she expected her company would be “astonishing” the world. Little did she know exactly how much. But back then, Stewart had good reason to gloat. On her company’s opening day on the market, not only did this guru of homemakers reportedly make a huge platter of French pastries for the traders racing around the stock exchange floor, but as a stockholder owning 70 percent of the company’s shares, Stewart closed the day $1.2 billion richer. “No other woman has created this kind of

business in such a short time, from scratch, from, you know, baking cookies in the basement,” Stewart told CBS News’ Morley Safer. Stewart grew up one of six children in a middle-income family in Nutley, N.J. Nothing came easy for Stewart. She had to work for everything she got. By 2000, Stewart quickly became a bestselling author with her many cook books, produced her own television series, started a merchandising line for Kmart and saw the subscriber base for her magazine, Martha Stewart Living, climb to more than 10 million readers. As a result of such success, Stewart was soon named one of the “50 Most Powerful Women” by Fortune magazine. However, when it was revealed in 2002 that

Stewart could be facing charges for her involvement in the suspicious sale of almost 4,000 shares of her personal stock in the drug company, ImClone Systems – just prior to the company’s experimental cancer drug, Erbitux, receiving an unfavorable ruling from the Food and Drug Administration – Stewart’s picturesque world began to crumble. Westchester WAG, a monthly publication in Westchester County, N.Y., that has closely followed Stewart’s hardship over the past year and a half, recently reported that last October the value of Martha Stewart Living Omnimedia’s stock fell to an all-time low of $5.26 a share from a high of $36. Also, earlier this year, Stewart’s company experienced its very first loss in the first fiscal quarter, forcing the company to “cut 40 jobs—

By Stacey Eidson

about 6.7 percent of the company’s 600 workers,” the Westchester WAG reported. The controversy over Stewart’s future, the failing economy and the announcement in 2002 that Kmart – the company currently selling her Martha Stewart Everyday line of bedding, garden tools, linens and towels – was declaring bankruptcy, further crippled the company. According to a recent interview in The New Yorker, Stewart estimates she has lost about $400 million as a result of the government’s investigation of her. Now, due to a recent nine-count indictment, Stewart has been forced to step down as chairman and chief executive officer of the company she built with her own hands. But as the Stewart saga is being played out in front of the world’s flashing cameras, several members of the media are calling foul play. In a recent editorial in USA Today, columnist Melana Zyla Vickers wrote that this indictment is a perfect example of Washington piling on the “little guy,” who, ironically in this case, is billionaire Martha Stewart. “Consider that Stewart is accused of pocketing $45,673 in insider-trading profits – small change compared to the $11 billion in illegally inflated earnings that telecom giant WorldCom hoodwinked its investors into believing it had,” Vickers wrote. Vickers pointed out that, while Stewart has resigned as CEO of her company, WorldCom executives are still living large and even have the nerve to ask for government’s leniency in fining them. “Stewart is charged, resigns under pressure from the helm of the firm she built and gets a televised perp walk in front of a federal courthouse,” Vickers added. “WorldCom is sued, execs come to Washington to smooth feathers with the boys at the Securities and Exchange Commission and the regulators reduce WorldCom’s penalties of $1.5 billion to a wrist slap of $500 million.” Now, of course, James Comey, the United State attorney for the Southern District of New York, told reporters at a recent news conference that the government’s indictment of Stewart was strictly by the book. “This criminal case is about lying – lying to the FBI, lying to the SEC, lying to investors,” Comey reportedly said. “Martha Stewart is being prosecuted not for who she is, but what she did.” The indictment reportedly claims that, in order to hide a tip that her broker received from her personal friend, ImClone Systems’ founder Samuel Waksal, to sell the company

stock due to the FDA ruling, Stewart allegedly deleted her assistant’s computer log of a phone message from her broker prior to the sell of the ImClone stock. Stewart erased this crucial information, the indictment states, to support her claim that she and her broker had arranged that if the ImClone stock fell below $60 a share, he would sell the stock. The New York Times has reported that Stewart could get up to 30 years in prison and $2 million in fines if convicted on all nine counts in the indictment. This week, Waksal was sentenced to seven years in prison for securities fraud and ordered to pay nearly $4.3 million in fines

attorneys wrote. “Martha Stewart has done nothing wrong.” The attorneys go on to ask the media to look deeper into why the government has targeted Stewart with these allegations. “Is it because she is a woman who has successfully competed in a man’s business world by virtue of her talent, hard work and demanding standards?” the attorneys ask. “Or is it because the Department of Justice is attempting to divert the public’s attention from its failure to charge the politically connected managers of Enron and WorldCom who may have fleeced the public out of billions of dollars?” While some people may view Stewart’s Web

“No other woman has created this kind of business in such a short time, from scratch, from, you know, baking cookies in the basement.” – Martha Stewart, during a 1999 interview with “60 Minutes” and back taxes. In order to defend herself against the allegations against her, Stewart has established a Web site, www.marthatalks.com, where she posted a letter to her supporters stating, “I want you to know that I am innocent – and that I will fight to clear my name. “I simply returned a call from my stockbroker.” Stewart claims she has tried to work with prosecutors as much as possible. “The government’s attempt to criminalize these actions makes no sense to me,” Stewart writes. “I am confident I will be exonerated of these baseless charges.” Robert Morvillo and John Tigue, attorneys for Stewart, also created a section on the Web site called, “Setting the Record Straight” where they claim Stewart did not produce an inaccurate telephone log to government investigators. “The government acknowledges that she (Stewart) ‘temporarily’ made changes to the log and then ‘directed her assistant to return the message to its original wording,’” the

site as simply a platform for her to safely comment on the case without being asked direct questions by reporters, the site appears to have created a lot of curiosity across the country. Since the Web site was created, it has logged more than 6 million hits and Stewart has received approximately 40,000 e-mails from supporters. E-mails such as the one from Christina Mendoza from Cedar Park, Texas that reads: “You are an inspiration to women everywhere ... Unfortunately, I believe that your success threatens many – especially those that seek to discredit you and all that you have worked to accomplish.” These messages must be of some comfort to Stewart, who earlier this year told The New Yorker that she was puzzled by some of the public’s hatred of her. “My business is about homemaking,” Stewart said. “And that I have been turned into or vilified openly as something other than what I am has been really confusing.” Stewart specifically referred to a recent

picture of her in Newsweek that ran with the caption: “If she had been nicer to people on the way up, they’d be nicer to her on the way down.” Of course, the recent broadcast of the NBC movie, “Martha Inc.: The Story of Martha Stewart,” didn’t help her public image. The made-for-TV movie had a scene in which Stewart’s character, played by Cybill Shepherd, yells at a young girl helping her with a home project during the taping of her “Martha Stewart Living” TV show. Stewart’s character also throws a copper pot at members of her staff. “The movie shows Stewart as a backstabbing, egomaniacal control freak,” stated a recent BusinessWeek review of the film. Unfortunately for Stewart, the reality of her tremendous success and strong personality has earned her a permanent place in the prestigious club known as, “Famous Women We Love To Hate.” Alongside Stewart are the likes of Kathie Lee Gifford, Barbra Streisand and Hillary Rodham Clinton. These women are doomed to be on the cover of The National Enquirer at least once a year. But the saddest aspect of Stewart’s indictment is not the fact that one of the country’s most successful businesswomen could soon be behind bars. The real tragedy here is that Stewart and her incredible talent will soon be lost to the public forever. Stewart is like Bob Vila, Emeril Lagasse and Ralph Lauren wrapped up in a 250thread-count linen package. She has the ability to instantly transform simple, colored crepe paper into a magical Halloween costume for children, prepare a 14-pound Thanksgiving turkey that is so golden-brown that it makes your turkey at home look sickly in comparison, and decorate a three-layer wedding cake with flowers and fruit worthy of a spot in an art museum. Her books always present ways to make readers’ lives easier and more enjoyable, such as a helpful hint for Southerners who love iced tea. Stewart suggests, don’t just cool your tea with ice cubs, maintain its sweet taste by adding ice cubs made from tea. “It won’t dilute your drink as it melts,” Stewart states in one of her recipe books. “Freeze tea in an ice-cube tray, then use the cubes to cool your brew.” Love her or hate her, Stewart is a genius. But convicted or not, her days as the MacGyver of homemakers will never be the same.

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26 M E T R O S P I R I T J U N E 1 2 2 0 0 3

Arts

& Entertainment

Nina Benedetto Employs Dream Imagery and Sacred Geometry

By Rhonda Jones

t is afternoon and I am in the dining room of Augusta artist Nina Benedetto. We are having coffee and biscotti. Outside, the day is overcast and gray, the air alive with ionic activity. Inside, the air is alive as well, charged by a house full of paintings that demand to be entered and understood. She asks me to consider one deep-blue piece in particular, which she had propped against a table leg. It is called “Backdiving Into Sharks.” “Think about this as if it were a dream,” she says. “And every element in the painting is you: The water is you; the sharks are you; the girl is you.” The girl, in a relaxed and confident pose, almost flying, descends among a school of two-dimensional shapes, some red, some black and shadowy. She wears the same red as the sharks. I had found the painting engaging as soon as I’d walked into the room. “Tell them how you felt,” she would say an hour later. Otherwise, I would not. I would let you make up your own mind about what the sharks represent, without ever knowing that, for me, they were stories. Ideas. Things that have the power to hurt you when grabbed, but that must be grabbed nevertheless. They taught me in school that underwater worlds are often used as symbols for the psyche, or the unconscious mind. There are frightening things in there. Frightening and wonderful. And, for me, that is where this diver is going, to her underwater world of sharks, which must be courted and understood. “Sharks shouldn’t be feared,” Benedetto says. “They should be admired. If it didn’t have sharks, the ocean would die.” And where would we be without all those frightening little bits of our psyche to nip at our heels? A lot of her symbolic paintings may be read the same way. “Give a Dog a Bone,” which is filled with famous dogs on a dark background with wolves, with a skeleton at the bottom, took me back to a book published nearly a decade and a half ago by Clarissa Pinkola Estes called “Women Who Run With the Wolves,” in which the wolf became symbolic of the creative mind and bones are ideas that must be given flesh. But that’s just my reading, keep in mind. For you it may be something else entirely. “The content of my work comes out of my understanding of Jungian psychology and how dreams work in the psyche,” she says. “Dreams and fairy tales.” continued on page 28

Benedetto’s symbolic art employs imagery from popular culture such as “The Wizard of Oz” and the Tooth Fairy, as well as magical imagery.

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She compares her work to the French film “Amelie,” and says that, if you enjoyed that movie, you will enjoy her paintings. It’s a film about a young girl who has lived her entire life in her own little world, and who eventually finds love with a young man who is just as alone in his world as she is in hers. Their isolation has made them magical. The story is told without strict adherence to a recognizable plot, a style which Benedetto compares with free association. You may feel as though you’re experiencing a dream as you watch the movie. Benedetto’s paintings are like that too. And, like the movie, they are packed with layer upon layer of images. “I expect a lot out of my viewers,” she confides. Benedetto is a teacher. She has taught young artists at Augusta State University for the past six years. Once upon a time, she taught at Berkeley, in California. But she was born and raised in Macon, Ga. These two paintings are examples of her more symbolic work, as opposed to her abstracts, which fill a canvas with a repeating pattern, like tiles, and have to do with “sacred geometry.” Sacred geometry, according to online sources, seems to be about connecting to God, or to the Universe, or to whatever greater power exists in your world, through the use of repeating patterns. It’s about infinity, Benedetto explains, after showing how her abstract paintings have no borders. They run to the edge of the canvas as if they repeat forever, and the canvas has merely captured a section of something infinite. Part of the idea of sacred geometry, she said, is to represent God as being noniconic –

in other words, not as an actual person, but as something infinite and unknowable. She has many such paintings, each alike in its approach but unique in its pattern, and in the effect it has on the viewer. The abstract paintings allow her to express a side of herself that the symbolic paintings do not. “In my family we have a lot of mathematicians and chemists and physicists,” she says. “This (abstract geometrical painting) satisfies that side of my brain. They’re more about pure art.” “So that’s kind of in a nutshell – in a very little nutshell – what I’m doing there,” she adds. One has to ask how Benedetto found her voice as a painter, because that’s not what they teach them to do in art school. When she came through the system, young artists were taught abstract expressionism, minimalism and pop art. She supposes that, if she’d painted then the way she does now, she would have been ridiculed. “It was kind of held up to students that art is about art and nothing else,” she says. “Everyone wants to define what art is and you really can’t.” But, whatever the old masters would think of what she does, she enjoys it. And other people do as well. People who come into her home to repair things, she says, who may not necessarily make a habit of noticing art in general, respond to her pieces. And people who are around it all the time can’t help but pay some attention. “I think my work’s a transformation,” she says. “People who live with my art, it works on them.” Nina Benedetto does not have an exhibit up at this time. But if you are intrigued enough to contact her, you may do so at 667-0040.

Infinity, life and death are themes that appear often in Benedetto’s work.

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Arts

Auditions COLOSSAL FILM CRAWL CALL FOR ENTRIES to par ticipate in Columbia’s annual multi-venue film and video festival. Shor t films from ar tists in the Southeast will be accepted through June 27. All genres and subject mat ter welcome. Films must be 30 minutes or less. For complete details on how to submit a film, contact Amanda Presley at (803) 765-0707, ex t. 122. AUGUSTA CONCERT BAND rehearses Monday evenings and is looking to fill vacancies on most band instruments. Interested par ties should contact Ben Easter, (803) 2020091 or e-mail bandforaugusta@aol.com. SWEET ADELINES PEACH STATE CHORUS OPEN REHEARSAL open rehearsal for singers each Thursday at 7 p.m. at Church of Christ, 600 Mar tintown Rd. in Nor th Augusta. They are on the lookout for voices in the lower ranges. Contact Mary Norman at (803) 279-6499.

Education “ACRYLICS: GO WITH THE FLOW” adult workshop at the Ger trude Herber t Institute of Ar t June 25-26. Registration required; call 722-5495 or visit www.ghia.org. OIL PAINTING PRIMER for adults and teens June 21 at the Ger trude Herber t Institute of Ar t. Registration is required; call 722-5495. INTRO TO BLACK-AND-WHITE PHOTOGRAPHY for adults and teens June 14, 21 and 28 at the Ger trude Herber t Institute of Ar t. Registration required. Call 722-5495. ART CLASSES AND WORKSHOPS are offered year-round at the Ger trude Herber t Institute of Ar t. Classes and workshops are open to toddlers through adults and feature instruction in drawing, painting, photography, pot tery, weaving and sculpture. For a newslet ter or detailed information on registering for classes at the Ger trude Herber t, call 7225495. The Ger trude Herber t Institute of Ar t also offers Educational Tours; for information, contact the Education Director at the above telephone number. ART CLASSES FOR CHILDREN AND ADULTS at the Ar t Factory. The Ar t Factory also has a homeschool program and scholarships are available. Available programs include voice lesson and pantomime workshops, as well as classes in dance, theater, music, visual ar ts and writing. Call 7310008 for details. USC-AIKEN MUSIC CONSERVATORY PROGRAM now open. Students of all ages and experience levels welcome. Private lessons available for musical instruments and voice; instructors are USC-Aiken faculty and have at least a master’s degree in their per formance area. (803) 641-3288.

Exhibitions THE WORK OF TOMMY RAWLS is on display at the Lucy Craf t Laney Museum of Black History through June 30. For more information, call 724-3576.

“PORTRAITURE IN THE SECOND AND THIRD DIMENSIONS” will be on display at the Ger trude Herber t Institute of Ar t through July 25. Call 722-5495 for info. PHOTOGRAPHY BY MARY TIMM STAPF will be on display throughout June at the Gibbs Library. 863-1946. THE WALTER O. EVANS COLLECTION OF AFRICAN-AMERICAN ART on view at the Morris Museum of Ar t through Aug. 10. Call 724-7501 for details. “DIFFERENT STROKES” EXHIBITION features works by Kevin Cole and Marjorie Guyon and will be on display at the Mary Pauline Gallery through June 21. Call 724-9542 for details. “EYE OF THE STORM: THE CIVIL WAR DRAWINGS OF ROBERT SNEDEN” will be on display at the Augusta Museum of History through July 13. For more information, call 722-8454. THE WORK OF TOM NAKASHIMA is on display at the Ger trude Herber t Institute of Ar t through June 20. 7225495.

Dance

THE DANCES OF UNIVERSAL PEACE held the first Saturday of every month, 7-9 p.m., at the Unitarian Church of Augusta, honors the religious traditions of the world through song and movement. Call (803) 643-0460 for more information. SECOND SATURDAY DANCE at the Ballroom Dance Center, 225 Grand Slam Drive in Evans, held the second Saturday of every month, 7:30-11 p.m. Dress is casual. Tickets are $10 per person. 854-8888. AUGUSTA CHAPTER OF THE UNITED STATES AMATEUR BALLROOM DANCERS ASSOCIATION holds a dance the first Saturday of each month, from 7:15 to 11 p.m. Cost is $7 for members and $10 for non-members. Held at the BPOE Facility on Elkdom Cour t. Contact Melvis Lovet t, 7333890, or Jean Avery, 863-4186, for information. CSRA/AUGUSTA BOGEY-WOOGIE DANCE AND SOCIAL GROUP meets every Wednesday at 6:45 p.m. at A World of Dance Studio. Couples, singles and newcomers are welcome. The group also offers beginner shag lessons all sum-

S P I R I T J U N E

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“ARTVENTURE 2003: SELF-PORTRAITS” exhibition of works by students in the Ger trude Herber t Institue of Ar t’s outreach program through July 25. 722-5495.

THE AUGUSTA INTERNATIONAL FOLK DANCE CLUB meets Thursday evenings at 7:30 p.m. No par tners are needed and newcomers are welcome. Line and circle dances are taught. For location information, call 737-6299.

M E T R O

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“WATER REFLECTIONS,” photography by John Krok, is on display at Borders Books and Music during June. Call 7376962 for details.

“FOR THE LOVE OF IT ... DANCE” presentation by the Cutno Dance Centre for Dance Education June 21. Held at 3 p.m. at ASU’s Per forming Ar ts Theatre. Tickets are $8 in advance. 828-3101.

Catch musical legend Branford Marsalis June 12 at Riverbanks Zoo and Garden’s Concert Series in Columbia, S.C. Call 1-866-468-7630 for ticket information. mer. For information, phone 650-2396. SINGLES DANCE each Saturday night from 8-11 p.m. sponsored by the Christian Social Organization for Single Adults. Held at Westside High School. Tickets $5 for members, $7 for non-members, and are available at the door. For more information, contact Doris Heath, 736-3376.

Music ACAPPELLA per forms June 21, 7:30 p.m., at the Academy of Richmond County. Tickets are $7 in advance or $10 at the door; children 12 and under get in free when accompanied by paid adult. Call 592-0575 or 796-2235 for more information. “LIFT EVERY VOICE AND SING” AFRICAN-AMERICAN MUSIC SERIES continues June 22, 2 p.m., at the Morris Museum of Ar t with a per formance by the Georgia Sea Island Singers. 724-7501.

FATHER’S DAY GOSPEL JAMBOREE with the Georgia Mass Choir June 15, 5 p.m., at the Bell Auditorium. Tickets are $25 the day of the show, $23.50 in advance, or $21.50 for groups of 15 or more. Call 722-3521 for information. SATURDAY NIGHT LIVE event at Riverwalk’s Eighth Street Plaza June 14, 7-11 p.m. Free admission. Live enter tainment, food and other fun is planned. Call Riverwalk Special Events for details, 821-1754. RIVERWALK JAZZ CANDLELIGHT CONCERT SERIES Sundays through Aug. 24, 8-9:30 p.m. at Riverwalk’s Eighth Street Bulkhead. Schedule is as follows: Moniker, June 15; Jazz Soulstice, June 22; Kari Gaffney, June 29; Quiet Storm, July 6; Buzz Clifford Piano Trio, July 13; Kay King and Edna Stewar t, July 20; Air Apparent, July 27; Soul Bar Jazz Quar tet, Aug. 3; Jazz-a-ma-tazz, Aug. 10; Quiet Storm, Aug. 17; Josef Patchen and the Blue Diamond Express, Aug. 24. Admission is $5 per concer t, or you may purchase season tickets for $50. Bring a blanket or lawn chair and a picnic basket. For information, call Riverwalk Special Events at

30 821-1754.

approximately 9 p.m. Open to teens entering 7th-10th grade. Cost is $52. Registration deadline is June 16; call (803) 642-7631.

DOWNTOWN LUNCH DATE June 12, 19 and 26, noon-2:30

M E p.m., at Augusta Common. Bring a lunch or eat lunch T catered by the featured restaurant while listening to live R music. 821-1754. O

FATHER’S DAY AT AUGUSTA GOLF AND GARDENS with two-for-one admission June 15, 11 a.m.-7 p.m. 724-4443.

ASHANTI AND MR. CHEEKS per form at For t Gordon’s Bar ton Field June 27. Tickets now on sale; call 793-8552 or visit www.for tgordon.com.

FRIDAY EVENING THEATER June 13, 7 p.m., at Augusta Common. Admission is $1 per person; children 5 and under are free. Bring blankets and/or lawn chairs. 821-1754.

HOPELANDS SUMMER CONCERT SERIES continues June 16 with a per formance by Maureen Simpson. All concer ts begin at 7 p.m. on the Windham Per forming Ar ts Stage at J Hopeland Gardens in Aiken. In the event of rain, concer ts U will be held in Gym 2 at the H.O. Weeks Center. Free admisN sion. Call (803) 642-7631 for information.

JUNE FILM SERIES Tuesdays, 6:30 p.m. at Headquar ters Library: June 17 showing of “About Schmidt,” June 24 showing of “Drugstore Cowboy.” Free admission. 821-2600.

S P I R I T

SCHOLARSHIPS FOR THE GRADUATING CLASS OF 2003 are offered by the Sergeants Major Association of For t Gordon to legal dependents of active, reserve, retired or deceased military personnel living in the CSRA. Application deadline is June 24. For information, contact, Sergeant Major Alfred Simmons, 791-7985.

1 MUSIC IN THE PARK at Creighton Living History Park in 2 Nor th Augusta at 7 p.m. June 12 and 26 and July 10;

Candlelight concer t 8 p.m. July 24. Harpist Vonda Darr per-

2 forms June 12. (803) 442-7588. 0 0 COMMUNITY HEALING MEDITATION DRUMMING CIRCLE 3

PORTER FLEMING WRITING COMPETITION is currently accepting submissions in the categories of fiction, nonfiction, poetry and playwriting. Writers residing in Georgia, Florida, Alabama, South Carolina and Nor th Carolina may par ticipate. $10 fee must accompany each entry. Deadline for submissions is June 16. For information, contact Melanie Borger at the Greater Augusta Ar ts Council, 826-4702, ex t. 5.

hosted every third Monday of the month by IDRUM2U, the Not Gaddy Drumming Studio. Held 7-9 p.m. at the G.L. Jackson Conference Center, 1714 Nor th Leg Cour t. Fee is $5 or a donation of canned goods for the Golden Harvest Food Bank. All are welcome and drums will be available to rent. For info, phone the Not Gaddy Drumming Studio, 2283200.

PEACE VIGIL every Saturday until U.S. troops come home, noon-2 p.m. at the corner of Wrightsboro and Walton Way Ex t., near the Army Reserve Office. For more information, contact Denice Traina, 736-4738.

Theater “SMOKE ON THE MOUNTAIN” at the Abbeville Opera House 8 p.m. June 13-14, 20-21 and 27-28. 3 p.m. matinee performances June 14, 21 and 28. Ticket prices are $15 adult, $14 youth (ages 4-12), senior adult (age 65 and up) and groups (of 10 or more). Call the box office, open Monday through Friday, 1-5 p.m., at (864) 459-2157.

MCDUFFIE FRIENDS OF ANIMALS holds pet adoptions each Saturday, 1-3 p.m. at Superpetz on Bobby Jones Expressway. Call 556-9090 or visit www.pet finder.com. COLUMBIA COUNTY HUMANE SOCIETY holds pet adoptions every Saturday from 11 a.m. to 3 p.m. and every Sunday from 1 to 4 p.m. at PetsMar t. For more info, call 860-5020.

Attractions AUGUSTA CANAL INTERPRETIVE CENTER: Housed in Enterprise Mill, the center contains displays and models focusing on the Augusta Canal’s functions and impor tance to the tex tile industry. Hours are Mon.-Sat., 10 a.m.-6 p.m. and Sun., 1-6 p.m. Admission is $5 adult, $4 seniors and military and $3 children ages 6-18. Children under 6 admit ted free. For information, visit www.augustacanal.com or call 8230440. THE BOYHOOD HOME OF WOODROW WILSON: Circa 1859 Presbyterian manse occupied by the family of President Woodrow Wilson as a child during the Civil War and Reconstruction. Original and period antiques, restored house, kitchen and carriage house. 419 Seventh Street. Open 10 a.m.-5 p.m., Tues.-Sat. Tours available; groups of 10 or more by appointment only. Admission is $5 adults, $4 seniors, $3 students under 18 and free for ages five and under. 722-9828. AUGUSTA GOLF & GARDENS OF THE GEORGIA GOLF HALL OF FAME features beautiful display gardens, as well as bronze sculptures of some of golf’s greatest masters. Available for rent for a variety of functions. Group discount rates available. Closed Mondays; open from 9 a.m. to 5 p.m. Tues.-Sat.; open from 1 to 5 p.m. on Sunday. New spring and summer hours begin March 21: open Tues.-Sat. 9 a.m.-9 p.m. and Sundays 11 a.m.-7 p.m. Admission is $5.50 for adults; $4.50 for students, seniors and military; $3.50 for children (4 to 12); free for children 3 and under. Sundays are two for one with a Super Sunday coupon. Annual garden memberships are available. Call 724-4443 or 1-888-874-4443. Also, visit their Web site at www.gghf.org. NATIONAL SCIENCE CENTER’S FORT DISCOVERY: Children and adults alike can immerse themselves in the wonders of science through live demonstrations, vir tual realities, Starlab, KidScape and more than 250 hands-on exhibits. General Admission: $8 for adults; $6 for children, seniors and active military. Group rates available. Operating hours: Mon.-Sat., 10 a.m.-5 p.m.; Sunday, noon-5 p.m. Call 8210200, 1-800-325-5445 or visit their Web site at www.NationalScienceCenter.org. REDCLIFFE STATE HISTORIC SITE: 1859 mansion of S.C. Governor James Henry Hammond, held by the family for three generations until 1975. Hours are 9 a.m.-6 p.m., Thursday-Monday on the grounds. House tours are noon-3 p.m. by appointment. Closed Tuesday and Wednesday. Admission to the grounds is free. Fee for house tours is $3 for adults and children ages 6 to 17. For more information, call (803) 827-1473. 181 Redcliffe Road, Beech Island. SACRED HEART CULTURAL CENTER is offering tours of its 100-year-old building. Mon.-Fri., 9 a.m.-5 p.m. $1 per person, children free. 826-4700. HISTORIC COTTON EXCHANGE WELCOME CENTER: Open Mon.-Sat., 10 a.m.-6 p.m.; Sun. 1-5 p.m. Riverwalk. Free.

The Lucy Craft Laney Museum hosts “Augusta’s Afro-American History” lecture with Dr. James E. Carter III on June 19. 724-4067. THE EZEKIEL HARRIS HOUSE: Deemed “the finest 18th century house surviving in Georgia” by the “Smithsonian Guide to Historic America.” Open Saturday, 10 a.m.-1 p.m. General admission is $2; senior admission is $1 and children get in for 50 cents. For more information, call 7240436.

Museums “AUGUSTA’S AFRO-AMERICAN HISTORY” LECTURE at the Lucy Craf t Laney Museum of Black History 6 p.m. June 19. Dr. James E. Car ter III will be guest lecturer. Cost is $5 per person. To make reservations, contact Carl Prescot t, 7243576. WALTER O. EVANS COLLECTION OF AFRICAN-AMERICAN ART EXHIBIT TOUR June 22 and 29, 3:30 p.m., at the Morris Museum of Ar t. Call 724-7501. “END OF A DREAM: THE FLIGHT AND CAPTURE OF JEFFERSON DAVIS” plays continuously in the History Theater at the Augusta Museum of History during the month of June. Free with admission. Call 722-8454 for information. “PLEIN AIR PORK” conversation with ar tist John Baeder and barbecue guru Colonel Oscar Poole at 6 p.m. June 14 in the Morris Museum of Ar t auditorium. Meet, greet and eat is $10 for museum members and $12 for non-members. Reservations required; 724-7501. “UNCHAINED MEMORIES: READINGS FROM THE SLAVE NARRATIVES” SCREENING AND PANEL DISCUSSION June 22, 2-4:30 p.m., in the Augusta Musuem of History’s History Theatre. Free screening of the HBO documentary followed by discussion. Call 722-8454 for information. “RETURN OF THE DINOSAURS” exhibit at For t Discovery through Sept. 21. A group of animatronic dinosaurs will be on display in the Knox Gallery. Admission to the exhibit is free with paid general admission to For t Discovery. For information, call 821-0200 or 1-800-325-5445. MASTERWORKS OF SOUTHERN ART TOUR at the Morris Museum of Ar t June 15, 2 p.m. Free admission. 724-7501. THE GERTRUDE HERBERT INSTITUTE OF ART in Ware’s Folly exhibits works by local and regional ar tists. Ar t classes, workshops and other educational programming for children, youth and adults are held in the Walker-Mackenzie Studio. Ware’s Folly galleries open Tuesday, Wednesday and Friday, 10 a.m.-5 p.m.; Thursday, 10 a.m.-7 p.m.; and Saturday by appointment only. The Walker-Mackenzie Studio

gallery is open Tuesday-Friday, 10 a.m.-5 p.m. Admission is free, but a donation of $2 for adults and $1 for children and seniors is encouraged. Call 722-5495 for more info. THE AUGUSTA MUSEUM OF HISTORY hosts permanent exhibition “Augusta’s Story,” an award-winning exhibit encompassing 12,000 years of local history. For the younger crowd, there’s the Susan L. Still Children’s Discovery Gallery, where kids can learn about history in a hands-on environment. The museum also shows films in the History Theatre and hosts a variety of programs. Located at 560 Reynolds Street. Open Tuesday-Saturday, 10 a.m.-5 p.m. and Sunday 1-5 p.m. Admission is $4 adult, $3 seniors, $2 kids (6-18 years of age) and free for children under 6. Free admission on Sundays. Call 722-8454 or visit www.augustamuseum.org for more information. THE MORRIS MUSEUM OF ART hosts exhibitions and special events year-round. Open Tuesday-Saturday, 10 a.m.-5 p.m. and Sundays, noon-5 p.m. Closed on Mondays and major holidays. 1 Tenth Street, Augusta. Call 724-7501 or visit www.themorris.org for details. THE MUSEUM OF LAUREL AND HARDY OF HARLEM, GEORGIA features displays of various Laurel and Hardy memorabilia; films also shown. Located at 250 N. Louisville Street in downtown Harlem. Open 1-4 p.m. ThursdayMonday. For more information, call 556-3448. LUNCH AT NOON LECTURE SERIES held the second Wednesday of every month at the Lucy Craf t Laney Museum of Black History, 11:30 a.m.-12:30 p.m. Call the museum at 724-3576 for more information.

Special Events

RICHMOND COUNTY ANIMAL CONTROL AND AUGUSTA ANIMAL RESCUE FRIENDS holds pet adoptions at Superpetz off Bobby Jones Expressway every Sunday from 1 to 4 p.m. Call AARF at 364-4747 or visit www.aar f.net. Adoptions also held at the Richmond County Animal Control Shelter, Tues. through Sun., 1-5 p.m. Call the shelter at 790-6836. THE CSRA HUMANE SOCIETY holds pet adoptions every Saturday from 10 a.m. to 4 p.m. and every Wednesday evening from 5:30 to 7:30 p.m. at the Pet Center located behind the GreenJackets Stadium on Milledge Rd. 261PETS.

Out of Town “LIVE AT FIVE HAPPY HOUR CONCERTS” AT THE GEORGIA MUSIC HALL OF FAME in Macon, Ga., Tuesdays throughout June from 5-7 p.m. For more information, visit www.gamusichall.com or call (478) 750-8555. “MISS SAIGON” will be per formed June 24-29 at Theater of the Stars in Atlanta. For more information, visit www.theaterof thestars.com or call (404) 252-8960. 2003 NATIONAL HOCKEY LEAGUE DRAFT June 21-22 at the Gaylord Enter tainment Center in Nashville, Tenn. Tickets are free. (615) 770-PUCK. “TWELVE ANGRY MEN” June 20-July 20 at the Class Act Theatre in Mariet ta, Ga. Showtimes are Fridays and Saturdays, 8 p.m., and Sundays at 3 p.m. Tickets are $18 adult, $15 seniors and children. Call (770) 579-3156. ATHFEST music and ar ts festival June 19-22 in downtown Athens, Ga. For more information, visit www.athfest.com or call (706) 548-1973. “MY WAY: A MUSICAL TRIBUTE TO FRANK SINATRA” at the Ar ts Center of Coastal Carolina, Hilton Head Island, S.C., June 18-July 19. Tickets are $37 adult, $34 matinee and $31 preview; children under 16 get in for half price. Call (843) 842-ARTS to make reservations. ATLANTA FEST June 18-21 at Six Flags Over Georgia. Concer ts showcasing popular Christian recording ar tists will be held. For concer t only tickets, admission prices range from $22-$37; for concer t and park tickets, admission prices range from $44-$91. Order online at www.atlantafest.com or by phone at 1-800-783-8839.

JUNETEENTH TRUE MUSIC AND ARTS FESTIVAL June 14, 2-8 p.m. at Riverwalk’s Eighth Street Bulkhead. Per formances by Sounds Unlimited, D. Monk, The Mighty Peanut, The Kut t Boyz, Cynthia Charles, Pamela Wilson, Bell Terrace Classic Steppers, The Destiny Dancers, poets and more. Call Riverwalk Special Events, 821-1754, for information.

“A SALUTE TO 25 YEARS OF THE GEORGIA MUSIC HALL OF FAME AWARDS” star ts June 14 and ends Jan. 18, 2004, at the Georgia Music Hall of Fame in Macon, Ga. Exhibits, programs and events honoring the 25th anniversary of the Georgia Music Hall of Fame awards. Call 1-888GA-ROCKS for info.

TEEN TRIP TO CAROWINDS June 24. Chaperoned trip leaves from the H.O. Weeks center at 8 a.m. and returns at

COWPARADE ATLANTA features over 200 life-sized, fiberglass cows painted by local ar tists and placed throughout Atlanta. The cows will be on public display June 14-Sept.

JUNETEENTH CELEBRATION commemorating the end of slavery in the U.S. June 14-19 in Florence, S.C. A parade, auction, fashion show, talent show and a concer t will be featured. (843) 665-1185. NATIVE AMERICAN FESTIVAL at Sweetwater Creek State Park in Lithia Springs, Ga. Music, dancing, craf ts, educational village and more. Admission is $3-$5, plus $2 parking fee. (770) 732-5871. GEORGIA PEACH FESTIVAL June 13-15 in Byron, Ga., and For t Valley, Ga. (478) 825-4002. 2003 SOUTHERN CHRISTIAN WRITERS CONFERENCE WORKSHOP June 20-21 in Tuscaloosa, Ala. For details, contact Joanne Sloan, (205) 333-8603. “STARLIGHT EXPRESS” will be at the Theater of the Stars in Atlanta through June 15. Call (404) 252-8960 for information. BRANFORD MARSALIS per forms June 12, 7:30 p.m., as par t of the Riverbanks Zoo and Garden 2003 Garden Concer t Series in Columbia, S.C. Tickets are $40 in advance and $42 the day of the show. Call 1-866-468-7630 or visit www.ticketweb.com. GEORGIA SHAKESPEARE FESTIVAL runs through Nov. 2 with per formances of “Much Ado About Nothing,” “The School for Wives,” “The Tale of Cymbeline” and “The Tempest.” Tickets are $23-$32, with special $10 preview shows. Held at the Conant Per forming Ar ts Center on the campus of Oglethorpe University in Atlanta. Call (404) 2640020 for information. REEDY RIVER NIGHTTIME CONCERT SERIES through Aug. 28 at the Peace Center Amphitheatre in Greenville, S.C. Free. (864) 467-6667. SHAKESPEARE IN THE PARK festival through Aug. 3 in Greenville, S.C. Plays presented by Warehouse Theatre. Call (864) 235-6948. “THE PEOPLE VS. MONA” will be per formed at the Woodruff Ar ts Center in Atlanta through June 15. For tickets, call (404) 733-5000. JEKYLL ISLAND MUSICAL THEATRE FESTIVAL includes per formances of “Schoolhouse Rock Live,” “State Fair” and

“Hello, Dolly!” in rotating reper tory at the Jekyll Island Amphitheatre in Jekyll Island, Ga., through July 27. For information, call (912) 635-4060 or (229) 333-2150.

ly. American flags, water stations and emergency personnel will be available. Contact the Augusta Canal Authority for more information, 823-0440.

ON THE BRICKS concer t series continues Fridays through Aug. 22 at Centennial Olympic Park in Atlanta. June 13 concer t features Blues Traveler, Will Hoge, Drive-By Truckers, Shurman and New Blood Revival. Tickets are $3 per show or $25 for 12. Kids 5 and under get in free. Gates open at 5:30 p.m. Purchase tickets by phone at 1-800-594-TIX X or online at www.onthebricks.com.

“AIKEN’S COOKIN’ WITH CELEBRITY CHEFS” event to benefit the Mental Health Association in Aiken County June 13, 7-9 p.m. at the Aiken Municipal Building. Tickets are $20 in advance and $25 at the door. For more information, call (803) 641-4164.

“TWELFTH NIGHT” will be at The New American Shakespeare Tavern in Atlanta through June 29. Per formances are Thursdays, Fridays and Saturdays at 7:30 p.m. and Sundays at 6:30 p.m. Tickets are $19.50 Thursdays and Sundays, $22.50 Fridays and $24.50 Saturdays. Group discounts available for par ties of 10 or more. Tavern opens one hour and 15 minutes before the show for optional British pub-style meal. For tickets, call (404) 874-5299 or visit www.shakespearetavern.com. AT THE GEORGIA MUSEUM OF ART in Athens, Ga.: “Alfred H. Maurer: American Modern” through June 15; “The Weaving Room: The History of Weaving at Berry College” through July 6. For more information, visit www.uga.edu/gamuseum or call (706) 542-4662. HARDEEVILLE (S.C.) MOTOR SPEEDWAY 2003 RACING SCHEDULE is June 21, July 12 and 26 and Aug. 9, 16 and 30. For information, call (843) 784-RACE. “CLEMENT GREENBERG: A CRITIC’S COLLECTION” is on display at the Columbia Museum of Ar t in Columbia, S.C., through June 17. (803) 799-2810.

COURTHOUSE RUN TO BENEFIT CHILD ENRICHMENT shelter and advocacy center for abused children. Presented by the Blue Knights Georgia IV Law Enforcement Motorcycle Club. Held June 14; first bikes leave the U.S. District Cour thouse in Augusta at 9 a.m.; last bikes leave at 11 a.m. All riders welcome. Entrance fee is $10. Contact Cher, 5414025, or Bobby, 595-8600, for information. “A DAY OF GIVING” AND FLEA MARKET to benefit the Augusta Mini Theatre June 14, 8 a.m.-6 p.m. at 2546 Deans Bridge Rd. Those wishing to donate items for sale at the flea market or those looking for more information may call 7220598. AMERICAN LEGION POST NO. 192 BARBECUE AND SPORTS MEMORABILIA AUCTION to benefit area veterans and community projects. Held 11 a.m.-5 p.m. June 21. Tickets are $7. For more information, contact Miriam Stein, 863-7249. SWAMP SOIREE 2003 June 12, 6-9 p.m. Tickets are $60 per person and benefit the Phinizy Swamp Nature Park. For more information, call 828-2109. AUGUSTA-RICHMOND COUNTY ANIMAL CONTROL is in need of dog and cat food, cat lit ter and other pet items, as well as monetary donations to help pay for vaccinations. Donations accepted during regular business hours, Tues.Sun., 1-5 p.m. at the shelter, 4164 Mack Lane. Call 7906836 for information.

THE HIGH MUSEUM OF ART’S FOLK ART AND PHOTOGRAPH GALLERIES host two exhibitions through Aug. 9: “Land of Myth and Memory: Clarence John Laughlin and Photographers of the South” and “Faces and Places: Picturing the Self in Self-Taught Ar t.” Call (404) 577-6940.

Benefits FREEDOM WALK on the Augusta Canal to celebrate Flag Day and benefit local Cub Scouts and Boy Scouts. Walk or cycle the Augusta Canal June 14, star ting at 9 a.m. Registration takes place at Lake Olmstead Stadium and the fee is $5 per person, with a ma ximum fee of $20 per fami-

SHEPEARD COMMUNITY BLOOD CENTER BLOOD DRIVES in various locations around the CSRA this month. The blood center is urging people of all blood types to donate in order to combat a blood supply shor tage. For detailed information on locations and times to donate, visit www.shepeardblood.org. You may also call Susan Edwards at (803) 6437996 for information on Aiken locations and Nancy Szocinski at 737-4551 for information on all other locations. AMERICAN RED CROSS BLOOD DRIVES at the Aiken Red Cross Blood Center on Millbrook Drive and the Augusta Red

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Cross Blood Center on Pleasant Home Road. The bloodmo- 31 bile will also stop at various area locations this week. For a complete list, call the Aiken Blood Center at (803) 642-5180 M or the Augusta Blood Center at 868-8800. E

Learning

SEASONAL COLOR BEDS HORTICULTURE SEMINAR with Aiken hor ticulturist Tom Rapp June 21, 9 a.m., at Newberry Hall in Aiken. Cost is $20 and proceeds benefit the Aiken Downtown Development Association. Call the ADDA at (803) 649-2221 to register. MICROSOFT POWERPOINT class June 14, 1-3 p.m., at the Wallace Branch Library. Call 722-6275. BOATING SKILLS AND SEAMANSHIP COURSE through June 24 at the Augusta Por t Authority Building, 103 River front Dr. $30 fee for course materials. The U.S. Coast Guard Auxiliary offers information on legal responsibilities, personal safety, boat handling, federal and state regulations and more. No on the water activities are included. Register by contacting Wade Hammer at 738-6446 or Rober t Johnson, 832-6939. AUGUSTA STATE UNIVERSITY CONTINUING EDUCATION is now offering the following classes: Medical Terminology, Beat the Heat Ice Skating Camp, Tai Chi I, Beginning Ballroom, Intermediate Ballroom Dance and more. Also, ASU offers online courses. For more information, call 7371636 or visit www.ced.aug.edu. AIKEN TECH CONTINUING EDUCATION offers the following courses: PCs, Microsof t Word, Microsof t Office, Massage, Health Care Career Courses, Spanish, Rape Aggression Defense, Defensive Driving and more. Aiken Tech also offers Education to Go classes online. For more information or to register, call (803) 593-9231, ex t. 1230.

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Thursday of every month at 7 p.m. and provides edu32 third cation and suppor t for those with breast cancer. For information, call 721-1467.

M E T DISABLED AMERICAN VETERANS MOBILE SERVICE R OFFICE will be at the Sheraton Hotel, 2651 Perimeter O Parkway, June 13-14, 10 a.m.-6 p.m. The office provides S P I R I T

counseling and claim filing assistance to those receiving veterans benefits and their families free of charge. (859) 441-7300.

DIET COUNSELING CLASSES for diabetics and those with high cholesterol at CSRA Par tners in Health, 1220 Augusta West Parkway. Free. Call 860-3001 for class schedule.

J U PROJECT LINK COMMUNITY LECTURE SERIES is held the N first Tuesday of every month and is sponsored by the MCG E 1 2 2 0 0 3

“ANDRE” SCREENING 11 a.m. June 14 at the Ma xwell Branch Library. Registration is required. Children under 8 years old must be accompanied by a parent. Call 793-2020. “SUSPENDED INSPIRATIONS” FAMILY WORKSHOP at the Ger trude Herber t Institute of Ar t June 14. Open to youth ages 5-11 years and their parents. Call 722-5495 to register. INTERNATIONAL YOUNG EAGLES DAY 2003 June 14, 8:30 a.m.-noon at Daniel Field. Free flights by licensed, experienced volunteer pilots offered to children age 7-17 who have never experienced flight. Bring a parent or guardian to register. For more information, call 790-4365 or e-mail garner49@comcast.net. MIXED MEDIA DRAWING CLASS for children 10-15 at the Ger trude Herber t Institute of Ar t June 14, 21 and 28. Registration is required. Call 722-5495.

Children’s Medical Center. Project Link provides educational resources and guidance for families who have children with developmental delays, disabilities and other specialized health concerns. Free and open to the public; takes place from 6:30-8 p.m. in the main conference room at the Children’s Medical Center. Call 721-6838 for information.

“LEARN ABOUT BATS” at the Friedman Branch Library June 17. 10 a.m. presentation for preschoolers and 10:30 a.m. presentation for school-age children. Call 736-6758.

UNIVERSITY HEALTH CARE SYSTEM COMMUNITY EDUCATION holds workshops, seminars and classes on a variety of topics: weight and nutrition, women’s health, cancer, diabetes, seniors’ health and more. Suppor t groups and health screenings are also offered. Call 736-0847 for details.

TEENY WEENIE ATHLETES class for parents and children ages 3-5. Learn how to kick, throw, swing a bat and more. Parents are expected to par ticipate. Held June 17-July 22, 5:30-6:15 p.m. or 6:30-7:15 p.m. at the H.O. Weeks Center in Aiken. Cost is $30. Call (803) 642-7631 for registration information.

PEACHCARE FOR KIDS AND RIGHT FROM THE START MEDICADE offers free or low-cost health coverage to qualifying families. Coverage includes prenatal care, hospitalization, vaccines, dental and vision care and is available to pregnant women of all ages and to children through age 19. Contact the RSM Project at 729-2086 or 721-5611 for information.

STORYTIME WITH WENDELL CRAWFORD June 18, 10 a.m., at the Ma xwell Branch Library. Registration required; call 793-2020.

YOGA CLASSES at Walton Rehabilitation Hospital are held on Tuesdays and Thursdays from 7-8 a.m. for $45/month or 10:30 a.m. to noon for $55/month. Call 823-6294. FREE HIV/AIDS TESTING every Tuesday from 4 to 7 p.m. at St. Stephen’s Ministry, 922 Greene Street. Free anonymous testing, pre- and post-test counseling and education. HATHA YOGA CLASSES at the St. Joseph Home Health Care Center in Daniel Village Plaza. Held 10 a.m. to noon Monday, Wednesday and Friday and 6:30-8:30 p.m. Monday through Thursday. $10 per class or $60 a month for unlimited classes. Mats are provided, but bring a towel and a water bot tle. Call Tess at 738-2782 for more information. A FREE WOMEN’S HEALTH CLINIC is held from 6-8 p.m. on Tuesdays at the Salvation Army and Welfare Center, 1383 Greene St. Services include Pap smear, breast exam and the diagnosis and treatment of sexually transmit ted diseases. For more info or an appointment, call the St. Vincent dePaul Health Center at 828-3444. W.G. WATSON, M.D., WOMEN’S CENTER CONDUCTS EDUCATION CLASSES at University Hospital. Course topics include Lamaze, breast feeding, parenting and grandparenting. Par tners will learn positive suppor t techniques. There are also programs designed to help older siblings adjust to new family members. Some classes are free, while others require a fee. Registration is required by calling 774-2825.

Kids “RED, WHITE AND BLUE” FAMILY WORKSHOP at the Ger trude Herber t Institute of Ar t June 14. Open to youth ages 2 and a half to 4 years and their parents. Call 7225495 to register.

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STORYTIME WITH KAREN GROSS June 18, 10:30-11:30 a.m. at the Appleby Branch Library. Call 736-6244 for information. “LEARN ABOUT INSECTS” June 18 at the Friedman Branch Library. Preschooler presentation at 10:30 a.m. and schoolage presentation at 11 a.m. 736-6758. PHINIZY SWAMP NATURE PARK FAMILY DISCOVERY SERIES June 19, 6-7:30 p.m. Bring the family and a picnic dinner to the park’s Picnic Pavilion and enjoy a program on nature. Free; advance reservations not necessary. Call 8282109 for more information.

Artist John Baeder and barbecue guru Colonel Oscar Poole participate in the Morris Museum of Art’s “Plein Air Pork” program June 14. HISTORY CAMP 2003 June 23-27, 9 a.m.-1 p.m. at the Augusta Museum of History. Children ages 8-10 may participate. Cost is $45 for museum members and $60 for nonmembers. Reservations are required; deadline is June 13. Call 722-8454. UPWARD BASKETBALL CAMP June 23-27 at Warren Baptist Church. Open to children who have completed kindergar ten through eighth grade. Fee is $35. Call 8601586 for details.

MAKE AND DECORATE YOUR OWN BOOK for kids age 512 at the Ma xwell Branch Library. Held 11 a.m.-1 p.m. June 21. Registration is required; call 793-2020.

“FOLLOW THE DRINKING GOURD” AND “DIGISTAR II VIRTUAL JOURNEY” at the DuPont Planetarium on the campus of USC-Aiken June 20 and 21. “Follow the Drinking Gourd” will be presented at 7 and 8 p.m. and “Digistar II Vir tual Journey” will be presented at 9 p.m. Tickets are $4 adult, $3 senior citizen and $2 student for “Follow the Drinking Gourd” and $5 adult, $4 senior citizen and $3 student for “Digistar.” Call (803) 641-3654.

“TOY STORY” SCREENING for children of listening age June 23, 10:30 a.m. at the Friedman Branch Library. Call 736-6758.

CHILDREN’S STORYTIME at Borders Books and Music June 16, 11 a.m. Book is “Katie Catz Makes a Splash.” Call 737-6962 for details.

STORYTIME WITH JESSICA GREEN June 24 at the Friedman Branch Library. 10 a.m. for preschoolers and 10:30 a.m. for school-age children. Call 736-6758 for more information.

YOUTH SELECT SOCCER TRYOUTS for the Columbia County Patriots Soccer Club. Open to boys and girls. For tryout dates and times of specific age groups, contact Phil Sines, 860-1148, or visit www.patriotssoccer.org.

“TOY STORY II” SCREENING for children of listening age June 25, 10:30 a.m. at the Friedman Branch Library. 7366758.

SUMMER ADVENTURES DAY CAMP runs in sessions through Aug. 8. Cost is $90 for Sessions 1-4; Session 5 is $45. Open to kids ages 5-12. Held at the H.O. Weeks Center in Aiken. Call (803) 642-7631 for information.

FIRE SAFE HOUSE with Patches and Pumper, cour tesy of the Augusta-Richmond County Fire Depar tment June 25, 10 a.m.-noon at the Ma xwell Branch Library. Registration is required, so call 793-2020. “COLLAGE CREATIVE ARTS CAMP” June 16-27, 9 a.m.-1 p.m. at Trinity-on-the-Hill, 1330 Monte Sano Ave. Tuition is $100 per week and children entering kindergar ten through fif th grade will enjoy hands-on instruction in music, dance, drama, storytelling, creatie writing, ar t and more. Call Sue Alexanderson, 738-7527, or the Augusta Symphony, 8264705.

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SUMMER FUN DAY CAMP through Aug. 8, running in twoweek sessions, at the Smith-Hazel Recreation Center in Aiken. Open to children ages 4-12. Cost is $60 per session; out-of-city residents pay an additional $27.50. (803) 6427635. ALL-STARS SUMMER CAMP runs June 16-26. Session is free and camp is held 9 a.m.-4:30 p.m. Monday-Thursday. All-Stars is a character education program for youth in grades 5-7 and is sponsored by SAFE Team of Aiken County. Space is limited, so call (803) 649-1900, ex t. 331 or 310 to register.

PLANETARIUM SHOWS FOR SUMMER GROUPS with special show times Wednesdays and Thursdays at the DuPont Planetarium. Reservations are required; for details, contact Janice Weeks at (803) 641-3769 or 278-1967, ex t. 3769. MATH AND SCIENCE CAMP for students entering 3rd and 4th grades. Held June 23-27 and July 14-18 at For t Discovery. Cost is $125 for members and $150 for nonmembers. Before- and af ter-camp care available for additional fee. Contact Lisa Golden, 821-0646. MISSION TO MARS CAMP for students entering 2nd and 3rd grades. Held June 16-20 and July 7-11 at For t Discovery. Cost is $125 for members and $150 for nonmembers. Before- and af ter-camp care available for additional fee. Contact Lisa Golden, 821-0646. SCIENCE POTPOURRI CAMP for students entering 2nd and 3rd grades. Held July 21-25 at For t Discovery. Cost is $125 for members and $150 for non-members. Before- and af tercamp care available for additional fee. Contact Lisa Golden, 821-0646. DRAW ON NATURE II CAMP offers ar t, science and technology activities to students entering 2nd and 3rd grades. Held July 28-Aug. 1 at For t Discovery. Cost is $125 for members and $150 for non-members. Before- and af tercamp care available for additional fee. Contact Lisa Golden, 821-0646. FAMILY Y SUMMER CAMPS offer a variety of traditional and special interest camps for children 4-17 years old. For specifics, call 733-1030, 738-6678, 738-6680 or 3643269. “SUMMER OF FUN” DAY CAMPS June-August at Riverview Park in Nor th Augusta. Eight themed one-week sessions will be offered and include ar t camp, magic camp, music camp, Spanish camp, inventor’s camp and science camp. Cost is $100 per session. For information, call 667-8806. SUMMER VACATION READING PROGRAM at all East Central Georgia Regional Libraries. Children who complete 20 books or read for 10 hours over the summer receive a pack of summer time treats. Obtain a reading folder at any of

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the libraries or call Headquar ters Library at 821-2600 for details. “EVERY CHILD AN ARTIST” SUMMER ART CAMP, presented by the Ger trude Herber t Institute of Ar t, is now accepting registration. Weeklong sessions run throughout June and July in locations downtown and in Columbia County. Open to children ages 5-14. Per-session cost is $50 for GHIA members and $65 for non-members; tuition assistance is also available. For information, call 722-5495. KENNY THOMAS BASEBALL CAMP for kids 5-14 years old runs in two sessions at USC-Aiken: June 16-20 and July 21-25, 9 a.m.-4 p.m. Early drop-off and late pick-up also available. Cost is $160 per session. Call (803) 642-7761 for details. GIBBS LIBRARY SUMMER STORYTIME REGISTRATION now open. Call 863-1946 for more information or to register your child. STORYLAND THEATRE is now taking reservations for the 2003-2004 season: “Sleeping Beauty” Oct. 28-Nov. 1, “The Cour tship of Senorita Florabella” Feb. 24-29 and “Hansel and Gretel” April 13-17. Season tickets for weekday school per formances are $9 per student; season tickets for weekend family matinees are $10.50 per person. For reservations, call Storyland Theatre at 736-3455 or fa x a request to 736-3349. YOUTH LEADERSHIP DEVELOPMENT SKILLS PROGRAM for teens ages 12-19 held the third Saturday of the month at the Lucy Craft Laney Museum of Black History. Call 724-3576. WEEKLY STORY SESSIONS at all branch libraries. Visit www.ecgrl.public.lib.ga.us for more information. FIRST SATURDAY STORYTELLING at the Lucy Craf t Laney Museum. In addition, there is a tour of the museum. Held 10 a.m. to noon the first Saturday of the month. Call 7243576.

Seniors DRAMA GROUP for seniors June 17, 3-4:30 p.m. No prior experience or memorization is necessary; the group will rehearse and present a reader’s theatre play. To sign up, contact Bobbie Olivero, 826-4480, ex t. 242. “DEVELOPING A CULTURE OF CARE: BECOMING A PARTNER IN NURSING HOME CARE” free workshop for families and caregivers of those in nursing homes or facing nursing home care. Held June 13, 9:30 a.m.-3:30 p.m. at Brandon Wilde in Evans. Sponsored by the Alzheimer’s Association. Call 731-9060 to register. FIT 4 EVER LIGHT IMPACT FITNESS CLASS is $25 for 12 tickets for Aiken city residents and $45 for all others. Classes are held at the H.O. Weeks Center in Aiken on Mondays, Wednesdays and Fridays, 10-11 a.m. Call (803) 642-7631 for information. THE CARE MANAGEMENT CONSULTANT COMPANY, a nonprofit organization, provides transpor tation for seniors who live in the 30906 and 30815 zip code area. For a minimal fee, door-to-door shut tles provide safe, clean and dependable transpor tation 9 a.m.-4 p.m. Appointments must be made 24 hours in advance; call Linda Washington, 7338771, or leave a message for more information.

classes, canasta clubs, line dancing, racquetball, ar ts and craf ts, tennis and excursions. For more information, call (803) 642-7631. JUD C. HICKEY CENTER FOR ALZHEIMER’S CARE provides families and caregivers of those with Alzheimer’s disease and dementia a break during the day. Activities and care available at the adult day center, and homecare is available as well. For information, call 738-5039. THE ACADEMY FOR LIFELONG LEARNING offers lectures, courses, field trips, discussion groups and community information seminars on a variety of topics to mature adults. For more information, contact the USC-Aiken Office of Continuing Education at (803) 641-3288. THE SENIOR CITIZENS COUNCIL OF GREATER AUGUSTA AND THE CSRA offers a variety of classes, including aerobics, quilting, tai chi, Spanish, painting, line dancing, bowling, bridge, computers, pilates and pinochle. For dates and times, phone 826-4480. SENIORNET provides adults age 50 and over education for and access to computer technology. Many different courses are offered. Contact the USC-Aiken Continuing Education Office at (803) 641-3563.

Sports 2003 RINGSIDE AUGUSTA WOMEN’S OPEN AND BOYS’ JUNIOR NATIONAL SUMMER BOXING CLASSIC June 1821. Held at the May Park Community Center. Competition begins at 6 p.m. each day; tickets available at the door. For information, call the Augusta Boxing Club, 733-7533. “STRIDER SPRING SERIES: THE DEUCE 5K RELAY RACE” June 14, 5 p.m., at Pendleton King Park. Registration begins at 4 p.m. Cost is $3 per person. Runners are paired up to produce a handicap; best combined time wins. Contact the Augusta Striders at 210-9442. AUGUSTA ROWING CLUB JUNIOR SCULLING CAMPS June 24-28 and July 8-12. Open to those age 14-18. Call 7383991 for registration information. TENNIS CAMP for players ages 6-18 years of age. Held at the Weeks Tennis Center in Aiken, July 14-18. Beginners and experienced athletes welcome. Cost is $65 per session. Call (803) 642-7739 for information. AAU GEORGIA STATE TRACK AND FIELD CHAMPIONSHIP June 12-15 at Cross Creek High School. Approximately 800 athletes between the ages of 7 and 18 will compete for a chance to par ticipate in the AAU Junior Olympics in Detroit. Call George Taylor, 952-7532, or visit www.augustaflyers.com. SWIMMING LESSONS at the Smith-Hazel Pool in Aiken. Instructors will teach people of all skill levels how to swim; open to ages 2 through adult. Morning and evening classes available, and lessons run in two-week sessions JuneAugust. Cost is $30 per session. (803) 642-7631. SUMMER SWIM LESSONS offered in two-week sessions through July 31 at the Family Y pools. Classes available for six month olds through adults. Call 738-6678, 733-1030 or 738-6680 for details.

COMPUTER CLASSES FOR SENIOR CITIZENS Tuesdays and Thursdays, 11 a.m.-1 p.m. at Shiloh Comprehensive Community Center. For more information, call 738-0089.

AUGUSTA GREENJACKETS HOME GAMES June 12-15, 2022 and 26-30. Tickets are $6-$8 for adults; $5 for senior citizens, military personnel and children 4-12; and $1 for children 3 and under. For tickets, visit www.tixonline.com or call 736-7889.

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Cost is $5 per session. Call (803) 642-7631 for information. THE AUGUSTA RUGBY CLUB is always looking for new members. Teams available for women and men; no experience necessary. Practice is Tuesday and Thursday nights, 79 p.m. at Richmond Academy. For more information, call Don Zuehlke, 495-2043, or e-mail augustar fc@yahoo.com. You may also visit www.augustarugby.org.

Volunteer PROJECT LINUS DAY June 14, 10 a.m.-2 p.m., at the Warren Baptist Church Field House. Project Linus provides hand-knit, crocheted or quilted blankets to children in need. For more information, call the Augusta Area Chapter of Project Linus at 736-4330. COURT APPOINTED SPECIAL ADVOCATE PROGRAM VOLUNTEER TRAINING: The CASA program is looking for volunteers 21 years of age and older to advocate for abused and neglected children in the juvenile cour t system. Volunteers need no experience and will be provided with specialized training. Call 737-4631. CSRA HUMANE SOCIETY NEW VOLUNTEER ORIENTATION PROGRAM the third Saturday of every month at the Pet Center, 425 Wood St. Orientation star ts at 11 a.m. Volunteers under 18 years of age must have a parent or guardian present during orientation and while volunteering. Call 261-PETS for information. WORLD HERITAGE FOREIGN EXCHANGE PROGRAM is looking for area families, couples and single parents to host highschool-aged foreign exchange students for a semester or a year in the U.S. For more information, visit www.world-heritage.org or contact Beth Folland, (803) 279-2696 or 1-800888-9040.

information and this month’s meeting location, call (803) 4416741.

GEORGIA ASSOCIATION OF PUBLIC ACCOUNTANTS June meeting June 19, 8 a.m., at Athens Restaurant. For more information, contact Jerry Brigham, 650-1700.

M E T R O

SIERRA CLUB MEETING June 17 features talk on trees, tree identification and tree care by arborist Henry Frichknecht. Held at 7:30 p.m. at the Unitarian Church on Walton Way Ex t. For more information, call 863-2324 or visit ht tp://georgia.sierraclub.org/srg. THE ASSOCIATION OF FUNDRAISING PROFESSIONALS GREATER AUGUSTA CHAPTER meets June 20, 11:30 a.m., for a program on “IRS Audit Guidelines for Exempt Organizations.” Cost is $13 for AFP members and $18 for non-members. Reservations must be made by noon June 18. Call Beth Jones at 724-8481 to reserve a place.

Weekly ALCOHOLICS ANONYMOUS: For more information and a meeting schedule, call 860-8331. OVEREATERS ANONYMOUS meets Tuesdays, 6-7:30 p.m. Call 785-0006 for location and information. NARCOTICS ANONYMOUS: If you want to stop using any drugs, there is a way out. Help is available at no cost. Call the Narcotics Anonymous help line for information and meeting schedules at 855-2419. CHRIST-BASED RECOVERY MEETING every Tuesday, 6:30 p.m., at the Love & Light Healing Center. Please use the back entrance. For information, contact Kenny Stacy, 373-5585. FREE ‘N’ ONE SUPPORT GROUP for those bat tling addiction to drugs and alcohol. Approach is a spiritual one. Held ever y Thursday night. For information, contact Sarah Barnes, 772-7325.

THE KITTY ORTIZ DE LEON FOUNDATION needs volunteers to help promote organ donor awareness. For more information, please contact Cassandra Reed at 481-0105 or kodfoundation@aol.com.

TOUGH LOVE SUPPORT GROUP Monday nights, 6:30-7:30 p.m. at the South Augusta Resource Center. Learn how to understand addiction and how to exercise tough love with those you care about. Call Sarah Barnes, 772-7325, for info.

GOLDEN HARVEST FOOD BANK needs volunteers during the day, Monday-Friday, to help sor t donated products and assist in their agency shopping area. Help is needed year-round. If you are able to lift 25 pounds and would like to help fight hunger in the Augusta area, contact Laurie Roper at 7361199, ex t. 208.

GEORGIA-CAROLINA TOASTMASTERS meets Wednesdays at noon at the Clubhouse, 2567 Washington Rd. $8 for lunch; visitors welcome. 860-9854.

THOROUGHBRED RACING HALL OF FAME DOCENT TRAINING DAYS to be held June 23, July 21 and Aug. 11. Duties include opening and closing the Hall of Fame, greeting visitors and providing information about museum exhibits. Call Lisa Hall, (803) 642-7650 for information. AUGUSTA-RICHMOND COUNTY ANIMAL CONTROL: New volunteer orientation is scheduled the first Saturday of each month at 1 p.m. at the shelter, 4164 Mack Lane. Schedule subject to change; call 790-6836 to verify dates and times. SHEPEARD COMMUNITY BLOOD CENTER is seeking donors to prevent a blood supply shor tage. To donate call 737-4551, 854-1880 or (803) 643-7996.

Meetings WOMEN IN BUSINESS presentation June 17, 11:30 a.m., at Pullman Hall. Members of the Augusta Metro Chamber of Commerce pay $12 in advance and $15 at the door; nonmembers pay $15 in advance and $18 at the door. Call 8211300 for information. THE AUGUSTA CHAPTER OF THE AMERICAN SINGLES GOLF ASSOCIATION meets the second Thursday of the month at different restaurants in the Augusta area. For more

SEXAHOLICS ANONYMOUS, a 12-step program of recovery from addiction to obsessive/compulsive sexual thoughts and behaviors, meets Wednesdays at 8 p.m. and Saturdays at 7 p.m. at Augusta Counselling Services. Call 339-1204 and leave first name and phone number; a confidential reply is assured. AUGUSTA TOASTMASTERS CLUB #326 meets Thursdays at 7:30 p.m. at Advent Lutheran Church. Call 868-8431. BUSINESS NETWORK INTERNATIONAL Augusta Chapter meets every Thursday morning from 7 to 8:30 a.m. at the Cour tyards by Mariot t. The group is a business networking group designed to give and receive referrals. All professionals welcome. For more information or to join, call Barbara Crenshaw, 868-3772. RIVERWALK TOASTMASTERS meets Mondays, 7 p.m. in Classroom 3 at University Hospital. Call Gale Kan, 855-7071. GUIDELINES: Public Service announcements are listed in this section without charge at the discretion of the editor. Announcements must be received by Monday at noon and will be included as space permits. Send to Events, The Metropolitan Spirit, P.O. Box 3809, Augusta, GA 30914 or fax (706) 733-6663. You may also e-mail listings to rhonda_jones@metspirit.com or lisa_jordan@metspirit.com. Listings cannot be taken over the phone.

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By Rhonda Jones

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e concocted it from his worst fears for the future. That’s what Gene Ritchings says about his novel, “Frankenrocker.” He also says it’s a horror novel without vampires or demons and the like. Instead, he’s peopled his tale with something much more frightening. Corporations. CEOs. People with too much power and not enough soul. Our unfortunate hero? A smarmy little punkrocker named Lex. You’ll like him, though, because Ritchings takes an X-ray to the kid’s tough-guy image and shows what’s roiling around inside of him. He lets you see Lex’s frustrated stuttering in the offices of Wunderkind Global Entertainment. Here is how the narrator of “Frankenrocker” sees him. “The kid shuffled through the twelve foot oak doors, and stood there looking around. Staring, glaring at his office, as if looking for a place to spit. … Spiky brown hair, chewed red lips, skinny as a swizzle stick. Up close, he was cute, in an unshaven faun-in-rags sort of way.” Ritchings considers Lex and the others “slivers” of himself, and offers anyone who dares a look at the citizens of his headspace: “A burnt out old British rocker who can’t play anymore but can’t give up the applause. His sexy, conniving wife and ex-rap star sidekick who scheme for control over him. A sexy 18 year old punk rocker delinquent, forced to assume the old rock star’s face and career. The sanctimonious entertainment exec who concocts the barbaric plot as a sound business strategy. The aged gay British manager who adds one more outlandish scam to his decadent career. A family values Senator who likes to play on the dark side, and his politically radical sexy mistress, who spends the story trying to find her true love, who has vanished. Faced with a group like that, I have no other choice but to love them.” His inspiration, he says, is simply his love for rock ‘n’ roll. Keep the “roll,” thank you very much. “I mourn the day rock n’ roll became Rock: captive to corporate production values and promotion. “‘Frankenrocker’s’ grotesque premise, turning a rebellious punk into a jaded superstar, is my protest against the corporatization of rock ‘n’ roll, and our culture in general.” In a confessed attempt to keep the answer brief, Ritchings describes the book as being about “The banalizing of rock ‘n’ roll. Corporate corruption. Cloning. Religious statism. Cultural repression and censorship. The emerging police surveillance state. Elderly rock ‘n’ rollers croaking through another tour for another paycheck. Michael Jackson’s decaying nose.” It’s often helpful, when one wishes to understand a writer, to take a look not only at what comes out of that writer’s head, but at what goes into it as well. So we asked what writers Ritchings loves. He didn’t give us any actual names. “It’s a very long list, but the serious writers on it have one thing in common: the insistence on telling the truth, however unpopular that may be.” We also asked what writers he hates. “I dislike sentimentality, naiveté, cupidity, melodrama and the adoration of innocence. I consider the popular addiction to memoir to be literary scab-picking. I’m not interested in anyone working to justify the status quo. I dislike work that romanticizes, glamorizes or mythifies violence for its thrill value and leaves its moral and ethical dimensions unexplored.” We asked him a bunch of other random questions that day, too. Hopefully they will shed some light upon the guy who set out to tell such a tale.

Q&A WITH GENE RITCHINGS Are you the type of writer you thought you’d be? Is that a completely erroneous question? I never gave it any thought. I’ve been writing a long time, and rarely if ever published or produced my work. For me, the process of self confrontation, alone in a room with a pen or over a keyboard, is everything. It shakes off the mud of everyday living. How important to you is fame and fortune? For myself, it’s like the weather: Either the sun will shine or it won’t. Our national obsession with fame and fortune fascinates me. My observation is that fame makes your private problems public, but thanks to fortune, at least you can afford more therapy. What sort of people read your stories? What sort of people do you want to read your stories? This is my first novel, so I’m about to find out. I hope to be read by everyone, but to be honest, the world of “Frankenrocker” is one that I hope never comes to pass. People will determine that; maybe some of them will have read the book. Do you talk about your work while you’re doing it or do you like to keep it a secret? I don’t make conversation about it. Where do you write? What effect do you feel a writer’s environment has on his work?

“Frankenrocker” author Gene Ritchings

Regularly, in a small room in New York with no view. Irregularly, everywhere, and with whatever’s at hand – pocket notebook, napkin. I’ve been known to call my own answering machine at home and dictate.

Order,” the original, here in New York. I’ve been on the show for twelve years.

What did you have for breakfast?

Who is Gene Ritchings, aside from being the author of “Frankenrocker,” et al?

Protein shake, vitamins, coffee and a side order of CNN. What do you wish you’d had for breakfast? The same breakfast, but on an island in the South Pacific. Do you spend more time with flesh-and-blood people or with fictional people? Do you find it difficult to balance social life with your job with your work? I prefer flesh-and-blood people, although they tend to be more predictable than fictional characters. Work and my social life are way out of balance, which is true of a lot of New Yorkers. It’s a struggle to fit work into your life, instead of the other way around. What is your day job, by the way? I’m the production coordinator on the TV series “Law &

Just one more tremulous human being wondering what the hell is happening, and what does it all mean? And how do you feel about random Latin phrases being thrown into interview questions? I prefer Latin to “yo,” “dude,” or profanity. Is there anything I’ve left out, anything you’re just burning to talk about? My political views tend to attract contradictory labels. Please don’t understand me too quickly. OK, this is the end of the Q&A. If you think “Frankenrocker” sounds interesting enough to warrant your leaving the house to go purchase a copy, you can have one of the local bookstores order it. I’ve checked. They will do this for you. If you’d like to check out the Web site, that’s www.frankenrocker.com.

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hat frying sound you hear could be your brain. That’s because it’s going to be ridiculously hot this summer. Well, do something about it. Prevent the meltdown. When you come in out of the heat, why not go to one of Augusta’s many museums? After all, you’re eventually going to get tired of jumping into the pool or hanging out on the porch with your iced tea – Long Island or otherwise. It’s already mid-June, just about time for the meltdown to begin. The Augusta Museum of History will present a viewing of “Unchained Memories: Readings From the Slave Narratives,” on June 22 in the History Theatre. That will be followed by a panel discussion which will last from 2-4:30 p.m. The documentary features narratives and photos collected from former slaves in the 1930s. The Lucy Craft Laney Museum of Black History has three months of art exhibits by real, live artists planned for this summer. In June, which means that his work is up now, they have Tommy Rawls, who actually entered one of those “Draw Me” contests and won a scholarship to attend a Chicago, Ill., art school. Unfortunately, since he was but a child of 6 years, he was a bit young to matriculate. But the experience did affect him and now he’s an artist. Go to the Laney Museum. See what can happen when children pick up artistic implements. In July, Ray Sturkey, an Augusta State University graduate of art, is showing a collection of abstract pieces. They’re bold. Go see them. Go to the reception on July 10 at 6 p.m. Artists receptions are a hoot. In August, you will have a chance to see local creative Ethan Brock, who has had tons of art shows around town. You never can be quite sure what he’ll do next. Probably because he comes from an entire tribe of artists. At the moment, he is the assistant preparator at the Gertrude Herbert Institute of Art, another fine place to go to commune with art and pick up interesting vibes. They have the best spiral staircase in the universe. But enough of that. Ethan’s reception is Aug. 3 at 3 p.m. Remember: A hoot. Go. Get out of the house. Stop watching all those doggone reality shows. Get out and get some real reality. The Morris Museum of Art has a bunch of stuff happening as well. On Sunday, June 22, there is the continuation of their AfricanAmerican Music Series, with free admission at 2 p.m. The Georgia Sea Island Singers will introduce you to the Gullah culture and other traditions that have survived on Georgia’s coastal barrier islands. On Sunday, July 6, dance instructor Beverlee Nichols will hold a free dance event at 2 p.m., leading an explo-

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Tommy Rawls’ work is now on display at the Laney Museum. ration, based in dance, of the Walter O. Evans Collection of African-American Art. We actually got the opportunity to speak with their featured performer for July 20, Baba Raa El, a drummer from Macon, Ga., who will teach you about the history and evolution of the drum, ranging back all the way to its roots in West African culture. He is what’s known as a teaching artist, someone who travels around to schools and museums and such places to use his talent to share lessons with children of all ages. In addition to teaching others about what he does, he teaches teachers how to use storytelling in the classroom, and how to use art to get their lessons across to the kids. “As a theatre artist I do storytelling and music, basically,” he said during a recent conversation with The Spirit. “I bring my drum; I play my drum; I tell you stories; we have a good time.” And he likes it when his audience is small of stature. “I love working with the youth because working with the youth is working with the future. I get to impact possibly what they’ll think and what they’ll say in the future.” Well, there you have it. This is only the tip of the iceberg for summer museum events, so when you call, ask them for a complete list. The Morris Museum of Art may be reached at (706) 724-7501; the Lucy Craft Laney Museum may be reached at (706) 724-3576; and the Augusta Museum of History may be reached at (706) 722-8454. And while you’re at it, give the Gertrude Herbert a call at (706) 722-5495.

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Cinema Movie Listings

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Bringing Down the House (PG-13) — Queen

Latifah smoothly pockets "Bringing Down the House" as Charlene, a good-hear ted fugitive from the law, turning to a starchy, divorced ta x at torney for refuge and suppor t. Steve Mar tin is the lawyer, Peter. The core idea of this very simple comedy is pure buzz of contrast: Latifah is abundantly, explosively black, while Mar tin may be the whitest man ever to star in movies. Latifah rides out the nonsense in her queenly, Pearl Bailey style. It's a cookiecut comedy. The movie delivers its very manufactured goods, but it lacks the guts to be a meaningful comedy. Cast: Steve Mar tin, Queen Latifah, Eugene Levy, Joan Plowright, Jean Smar t, Bet ty White. Running time: 1 hr., 45 mins. (Elliot t) ★★ Bruce Almighty (PG-13) — Jim Carrey is Bruce, the goofy features repor ter on a TV station in Buf falo. He aspires to become a "serious" anchor, but af ter blowing his cool on the air, loses his job and has a rif t with his sweet, please-marry-me girlfriend (Jennifer Aniston). There cometh unto Buf falo the Almighty (Morgan Freeman). The Lord loans his powers to Bruce. Time for some payback, some wild stunts, some sexual dazzling of Aniston, some nudges of satire. Like Mel Brooks as Moses in "History of the World, Par t I," Carrey has climbed the comical Mount Sinai and, like Brooks, he has dropped a tablet on the way down. One of the pieces is "Bruce Almighty." Cast: Jim Carrey, Morgan Freeman, Jennifer Aniston, Philip Baker Hall, Catherine Bell. Running time: 1 hr., 45 mins. (Elliot t) ★★ Bulletproof Monk (PG-13) — Pity poor Chow YunFat. Af ter making a string of forget table movies such as "The Replacement Killers" and "Anna and the King," it appeared he had finally hit his stride with 2000's "Crouching Tiger, Hidden Dragon." His newest flick, "Bulletproof Monk," unfor tunately, is a major step backward. Chow stars as the "Monk With No Name" and is charged with protecting a scroll of unbelievable power. If

Paramount Pictures

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“Rugrats Go Wild”

the scroll falls into the wrong hands, it could mean the end of the world as we know it. And of course, the scroll is being pursued by Stern — a Nazi who wants to shape the world in his image. All of this, of course, leads to a final showdown between the Monk and the Nazi. If you have to ask who'll win, then you haven't seen too many of these so-called action films. Cast: Chow Yun-Fat, Seann William Scot t, Jaime King, Karel Roden, Victoria Smur fit. Running time: 1 hr., 44 mins. ★★ Confidence (R) — Jake Vig (Ed Burns) heads a crack team of scamsters who are also his buddies. One is killed when a scam goes wrong, money having been taken from someone they did not know was an underling of a deadly, hyper sociopath called the King (Dustin Hof fman). Mostly we get cocky, trim-cut Burns and grif ter chums Brian Van Holt and Paul Giamat ti and corrupt L.A. cops (Luis Guzman, Donal Logue), all pulling a bank scam to pay back the King. This ship leaks, and it sinks if you have experienced Mamet's "House of Games," Claude Chabrol's "The Swindle," Fabian Bielinsky's "Nine Queens" or Stephen Frears' "The Grif ters." Those scam par ties could have conned "Confidence" into a whimpering corner. Cast: Ed Burns, Dustin Hof fman, Rachel Weisz, Paul Giamat ti, Andy Garcia, Luis Guzman, Brian Van Holt. Running time: 1 hr., 38 mins. (Elliot t) ★★ The Core (PG-13) — It's a story of Ear th imperiled and mankind going down the tubes. So a real tube has to be laser-tunneled using a new kind of worm craf t, right to the center of the world. Some secret military mischief stopped our planetary core from spinning and unhinged the electromagnetic shield. A group of geniuses, oddballs and two NASA pilots must go down there in a $50 billion crash program to hot-wire the core. "The Core" is so crazily improbable that it becomes madly believable. So much is at stake! Not so much sci-fi as sci-fi-jeez, it relies on the good old rhy thm of friction and bonding, and on desperate improvisation. Cast: Aaron Eckhar t, Stanley

Tucci, Hilary Swank, Delroy Lindo, Tcheky Karyo, Bruce Greenwood, Alfre Woodard, D.J. Qualls. Running time: 2 hrs. (Elliot t) ★★★ Daddy Day Care (PG) — Looking very much like the engorged warm-up for a future TV sitcom, "Daddy Day Care" stars Eddie Murphy and Jef f Garlin as cereal company promo men who lose their jobs, then star t a home day-care facility. There is an absurdly snooty villain (Anjelica Huston), owner of a posh day-care school. The kids are Central Casting darlings. The movie, which has a stern warning against sugar-based cereals, is sugared cereal. Cast: Eddie Murphy, Anjelica Huston, Jef f Garlin, Steve Zahn, Regina King. Running time: 1 hr., 35 mins. (Elliot t) ★★

Dumb and Dumberer: When Harry Met Lloyd (PG-13) — "Dumb and Dumber" pals Harry and Lloyd

become high school buddies in this prequel to the 1994 flick. Meeting up in their special needs classes, the two pair up in an at tempt to get out of the special needs depar tment and enjoy a normal high school existence. Cast: Eric Christian Olsen, Derek Richardson, Josh Braaten, Shia LeBeouf, Eugene Levy, Cheri Oteri, Mimi Rogers. Final Destination 2 (R) — As in the first movie, a group of teen-agers manages to cheat death. But death, unsatisfied with the teens’ getaway, pursues in a myriad of disturbing ways. Kimberly, driving a group of friends to Florida, has a premonition that helps them avoid being caught in a fatal freeway pileup. Death has other plans. Cast: Ali Lar ter, A.J. Cook, Michael Landes, T.C. Carson, Jonathan Cherry, James Kirk, Tony Todd. Finding Nemo (G) — A father clown fish (Alber t Brooks) tracks young son Nemo through the Pacific to Sydney, Australia, af ter the small fry is caught and sold for a fish tank. Ellen DeGeneres voices adorable Dory, who is very pret ty and helpful as Marlin's search mate.

The humans are alien invaders, big and nearly thoughtless. If "Finding Nemo" is just another of our plex distractions, then it's a giddy bummer, but as a whimsical warning with bite, it arrives just in time. Helping to make the seas a lasting realm for real Nemos could be the good, giving backwash of "Finding Nemo." Cast: Alber t Brooks, Ellen DeGeneres, Alexander Gould, Willem Dafoe, Austin Pendleton, Vicki Lewis, Geof frey Rush, Barry Humphries. Running time: 1 hr., 41 mins. (Elliot t) ★★★★ Frida (R) — Salma Hayek poured her hear t into this biopic about the life of Mexican ar tist Frida Kahlo. Her open marriage to Diego Rivera, characterized by ex tramarital af fairs and loyal tenderness, as well as the couple’s political and social statements and scandals, made Kahlo one of the most color ful and controversial ar tists of the 20th century. Cast: Salma Hayek, Alfred Molina, Geof frey Rush, Ashley Judd, Antonio Banderas, Edward Nor ton. Head of State (PG-13) — “Head of State” marks the directorial debut of comic Chris Rock, who also cowrote the screenplay. He stars as an unlikely presidential candidate, a down-on-his-luck government employee about to lose his job. Thrust into presidential candidacy by his par ty when the par ty’s original presidential nominee unexpectedly dies, Rock appeals to the country’s par ty vein to try and win the election. Bernie Mac stars as his brother and running mate. Cast: Chris Rock, Bernie Mac, Dylan Baker, Tamala Jones, Robin Givens. Hollywood Homicide (PG-13) — Harrison Ford and Josh Har tnet t are two L.A.P.D. homicide detectives assigned to investigate the murder of an entire rap group, commit ted onstage. Rumor has it that Sar tain, head of the record label the group was on, is behind the musicians’ demise – he’s been known to put out hits on stars looking to get out of their contracts. Cast: Harrison Ford, Josh Har tnet t, Keith David, Gladys Knight, Mar tin Landau, Master P, Lou Diamond Phillips, Dwight Yoakam.

“The Italian Job”

“2 Fast 2 Furious”

Universal Pictures

Paramount Pictures

RATINGS

★★★★ — Excellent.

★★★— Worthy.

★★ — Mixed.

★ — Poor.

0— Not worthy.

House of 1000 Corpses (R) — Rocker Rob Zombie takes the classic horror route in his film directorial debut. Car trouble forces a group of traveling teens to stop at a gas station/Museum of Monsters and Madmen in the middle of nowhere. But why is a man called Dr. Satan the local hero? Who is stupid enough to ride the museum’s “Murder Ride”? And just what’s in the secret-recipe fried chicken anyway? Cast: Bill Moseley, Karen Black, Chris Hardwick. How To Lose a Guy in 10 Days (PG-13) —

should be retitled "How To Lose a Movie in 10 Minutes." The spirited opening credits are a clever visual and musical introduction to Andie Anderson (Kate Hudson) as she dashes and fumbles though research for "how-to" ar ticles published in a glitzy women's magazine. But all promise evaporates when the lame dialogue begins. Andie is destined to meet Mat thew McConaughey's womanizing adver tising executive, Ben Barry, whose major goal is snagging the world's biggest diamond account. These two up-and-coming New York hot ties bump along through the contrived plot, which involves Andie's "how to lose a guy" assignment and Ben's bet with competing co-workers that he can make a woman fall in love with him — all in the same 10-day deadline. The teasers for "10 Days" tout: "One of them is lying. So is the other." Ah, yes, the per fect date movie. Cast: Kate Hudson, Mat thew McConaughey, Adam Goldberg, Bebe Neuwir th. Running time: 1 hr., 50 mins. (Wood) ★1/2 Ice Age (PG) — Most of "Ice Age" is about a lippy sloth named Sid, voiced by John Leguizamo. (Is there a less sloth-like actor alive?) Fleeing the advancing polar ice cap, he tries fiercely to bond with a hairy mammoth, Manfred (Ray Romano) and even a saber-toothed tiger, Diego (Denis Leary). Sure enough, Sid, Manfred and Diego rescue a human baby from marauding sabertoothed tigers. That's the story: the three travelers, each way ahead of the evolutionary curve with their jokes, and the papoose-like human with big eyes, and the pursuing big cats, who expect Diego to betray his new companions. There is a clima x, so safely predictable you won't find your temperature budging. "Ice Age" will probably get enough kids smiling to earn its big cost back, and then some. Voices: Ray Romano, John Leguizamo, Denis Leary, Goran Visnjic, Jack Black, Tara Strong. Running time: 1 hr., 24 mins. (Elliot t) ★★ The In-Laws (PG-13) — is a remake of the fairly funny 1979 film of the same title. Peter Falk starred as a casually insane CIA agent who involves a wired-tight, shriekingly reluctant dentist (Alan Arkin), whose daughter is to marry Falk's son, in an escalating series of sub-rosa intrigues. The 2003 version of fers Michael Douglas in the Falk role and Alber t Brooks in the Arkin role, this time playing a podiatrist. They measure up for a while and there are a few fine moments and well-earned laughs. Still, the thing winds down rather than spinning out into sheer zaniness, which is the only logical path to take. Cast: Michael Douglas, Alber t Brooks, David Suchet, Robin Tunney. Running time: 1 hr., 38 mins. (Salm) ★★ The Italian Job (PG-13) — If you must remake "The Italian Job," the way to go is demonstrated by F. Gary Gray's highly professional makeover. The 1969 heist was for $4 million in gold in Turin; the new one is for $35 mil-

“Bruce Almighty”

lion in gold in Venice. In place of Michael Caine as the top heister, there is Mark Wahlberg. Donald Sutherland appears with his patented aura of suave, cheeky sincerity, yet does not linger. So the crew is planning revenge against icy sociopath and ex-par tner Steve (Ed Nor ton). Steve has fled to Los Angeles with the loot. "The Italian Job" is the real kickof f of summer and also the best remake since "The Thomas Crown Af fair" got a delicious new lease on life. Cast: Mark Wahlberg, Charlize Theron, Donald Sutherland, Ed Nor ton, Seth Green, Jason Statham, Mos Def. Running time: 1 hr., 51 mins. (Elliot t) ★★★1/2 Jonah: A Veggie Tales Movie (G) — The animated group of vegetables that stars in the "Veggie Tales" cartoons comes to the big screen in "Jonah." A van of singing veggies breaks down in front of a strange seafood joint inhabited by a lazy bunch of pirates who proceed to spin the tale of Jonah and the whale for the impressionable young vegetables. Cast: Phil Vischer, Kristin Blegen, Mike Nawrocki, Lisa Vischer. Running time: 1 hr., 23 mins. Kangaroo Jack (PG) — Two childhood friends, Charlie (Jerry O'Connell) and Louis (Anthony Anderson), from Brooklyn are forced to deliver a mysterious envelope to Australia af ter one of them accidentally causes the police to raid a mob warehouse. En route to the land down under, Louis peeks in the package and discovers that it contains $50,000. Af ter the guys arrive in the Outback, they accidentally run over a kangaroo. Louis decides to take pictures of the animal and even puts shades and his lucky jacket on the 'roo, which is only stunned and hops away with the jacket containing the money. Now the guys are forced to chase the animal through the Outback, or they'll have to repay the mob with their lives. The real star of "Kangaroo Jack" is the beautiful Outback. That alone may be wor th the price of admission. Or not. Cast: Jerry O'Connell, Anthony Anderson, Estella Warren, Christopher Walken, Dyan Cannon, Mar ton Csokas. Running time: 1 hr., 30 mins. (McCormick) ★

Lord of the Rings: The Two Towers (PG-13) — Long, violent, death-fixated, dark in tone, heavy in

heroic mood, this is a film for addicts of the series. Lit tle Frodo is marginalized as Viggo Mor tensen leads the defense of a castle from hordes of vicious scumballs, and the two grand beards (Ian McKellan, Christopher Lee) contend for Middle Ear th. There's a lit tle schizo in a wispy loincloth, expressively per formed and voiced, but the almost Stone Age my thology rolls over us like layers of geology. 3 hrs. (Elliot t) ★★ Malibu’s Most Wanted (PG-13) — Brad “B-rad” Gluckman ain’t no Eminem. He’s Malibu’s worst rapper, a rich white boy who thinks he has the nuances of the hiphop lifestyle down pat. Nothing could be fur ther from the truth, and when B-rad’s embarrassing antics creep into his father’s campaign for governor of California, the family decides that some tough love might be in order. Cast: Jamie Kennedy, Blair Underwood, Ryan O’Neal, Taye Diggs. The Matrix: Reloaded (R) — Keanu Reeves is back as Neo, empowered hero. Also, savior of the human

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38 “The Matrix: Reloaded”

“Wrong Turn”

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continued from page 37 race that was inside the cybernetic Matrix, enslaved as "cat tle," but has now fled to a life in an underground city. A blur of sci-fi and head comix cliches and "1984" gone 2003, the movie is overwhelmingly designed, but underwhelmingly imagined. There is the Matrix and the Oracle and the Keymaker and the Architect. Humor is kept minimal, as that could pop the gas balloon. The packaging is cosmic, success inevitable. Success feeds success. "The Matrix Revolutions" is set for Nov. 7. Time for Harry Pot ter and Frodo Baggins to join forces and get mad. Cast: Keanu Reeves, Laurence Fishburne, Carrie-Anne Moss, Hugo Weaving, Jada Pinket t Smith. Running time: 2 hrs., 18 mins. (Elliot t) ★★ Phone Booth (R) — Stu Shepard (Colin Farrell) fancies that he is a new-glam guy, but he is just another wannabe Sidney Falco, a publicist who dresses in yupstyle display threads (markdown Italian suits and deepcolor shir ts) while he pitches, schmoozes and snidely snipes at people, of ten on a cell phone. Suddenly, he has to endure a real sniper, a mysterious psycho who calls him in the phone booth, tells him to stay there "or I will kill

you," and then torments Stu with truths about his glib, weaseling life. Director Joel Schumacher pumps the nonsense avidly, using touches — smeary jumps, zooms, speed-ups, split-screen multiples — that were get ting old when MTV was only a noisy rug rat. Cast: Colin Farrell, Forest Whitaker, Katie Holmes, Radha Mitchell, Kiefer Sutherland. Running time: 1 hr., 21 mins. (Elliot t) ★★ Rugrats Go Wild (PG) — The popular Nickelodeon tots come to the big screen for the third time. Tommy, Chuckie, their pals and parents take a vacation, but instead end up stranded on a deser ted island. Explorer Nigel Thornberry (of Nickelodeon’s "The Wild Thornberrys" television show) and his family set out to help, but an injury to Nigel’s head has lef t him functioning on the same level as the toddlers. Daughter Eliza Thornberry uses her ability to speak with animals to help the gang, and even gets to talk with family dog Spike – who sounds an awful lot like Bruce Willis. Cast: Bruce Willis, Jodi Carlisle, Christine Cavanaugh, Lacey Chaber t, Tim Curry, LL Cool J. 2 Fast 2 Furious (PG-13) — The speed par ty "2 Fast 2 Furious" is 2 silly 2 believe and 2 cliched 2 be very enter taining. 2 bad. It stars Paul Walker, back as Brian

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from the 2001 summer hit "The Fast and the Furious," in which he was an undercover cop and rival, then pal, of mechanic and street racer Dom (Vin Diesel). Walker gets to appear slight nex t to the big rack of torso Tyrese, cast as racer and ex-con Roman Pearce. The set ting is now Miami. The script is a chop-shop quickie with a greasy aroma of "Miami Vice." The car scenes are so heavily edited and accessorized with tech-freak dazzle that even the blasting finish collapses into a string of stunts. This film is just a motorized budget. Cast: Paul Walker, Tyrese, Cole Hauser, Eva Mendes, James Remar. Running time: 1 hr., 44 mins. (Elliot t) ★1/2 Wrong Turn (R) — Bad luck befalls Chris (Desmond Harrington) when he sets out on a three-hour tour to Raleigh for a job interview. He’s barely star ted down the freeway when an accident up ahead halts traf fic. Taking a windy and isolated dir t road to get around the jam, Chris doesn’t see the SUV full of teens that is stopped in the middle of the road, tires mysteriously blown out. Investigating the accident scene, the group finds a strand of barbed wire stretched across the road — could it be a trap? Cast: Eliza Dushku, Desmond Harrington, Jeremy Sisto, Emmanuelle Chriqui, Lindy Booth. Running time: 1 ?

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hr., 50 mins.

X2 (PG-13) — At the hub is the dutiful sequel section,

laboring to ex tend the fantasy of a human world infiltrated by power ful, feared mutants, which the 2000 film transplanted from its comic-book roots. Then there is the ef fects section, each mutant get ting a chance to show his/her powers. There is the senior section of power ful old men, the creepy wizard Magneto (Ian McKellen) maintaining a duel of Elite British Accents with the paranormal seer Xavier (Patrick Stewar t). And the "check 'em out" section for new or aspiring stars (Hugh Jackman, Halle Berry, Anna Paquin, Kelly Hu, Rebecca Romijn-Stamos, Aaron Stanford). "X2" seems to have been made by and for people who constantly switch between "Star Trek" episodes and James Bond reruns, while hoping for some Hannibal Lecter. Cast: Patrick Stewar t, Hugh Jackman, Ian McKellen, Halle Berry, Brian Cox, Alan Cumming, Famke Janssen, Anna Paquin. Running time: 2 hrs., 5 mins. (Elliot t) ★1/2 —Capsules compiled from movie reviews written by David Elliott, film critic for The San Diego Union-Tribune and other staff writers.

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n American comedies, one name has emerged as a reliable utility player and all-around go-to guy: Eugene Levy. An alumnus of the classic late-night comedy series “SCTV,” Levy learned early on to appreciate the cozy environment of an ensemble comedy troupe, and he rarely appears as a marquee name. But he is a guaranteed laugh-getter. After critics and preview audiences took to Levy’s hip lawyer character in “Bringing Down the House,” his signature line from the film was included in the advertisements. “You got me straight trippin’, boo!” became a national catchphrase earlier this year, if only for about 15 minutes. Actually, this year has been a very eventful one for Levy. He also wrote and co-starred in “A Mighty Wind” with frequent collaborator Christopher Guest. Presently, the 56-year-old Canadian comic plays an unprincipled high school principal in “Dumb and Dumberer: When Harry Met Lloyd.” A prequel to the 1994 box-office smash, it’s a lowbrow comedy starring young newcomers Eric Christian Olsen and Derek Richardson in the roles originated by Jim Carrey and Jeff Daniels. Later this year, Levy will return in the clueless and apparently nameless role of Jim’s dad in the third “American Pie” movie, “American Wedding.”

Are you comfortable that “Dumb and Dumberer” embraces its own stupidity so openly?

I know, and that’s why I love it. Dumb is good. Dumber than dumb is really good. Since “SCTV,” I have played

characters who are usually not the sharpest pencils in the drawer. I gravitate to the smaller-brain, bigger-heart characters. In this film, this goes beyond even that. This is just really, really dumb.

You have actually not done this type of comedy much before, have you?

A: No, I haven’t. “American Pie” is

raunchy, but it’s real. It’s rooted in a pretty real scenario, as outrageous as it is. But “Dumb and Dumberer” is pushed to a heightened reality, comedically. And that’s fun for me, that takes me back to my old “SCTV” days. If you’re in comedy, it’s the kind of thing that makes you lick your chops, because you can gnarl on that comedy bone and savor sucking the marrow out of it. It’s a fun way to perform for me.

Q: Were you a fan of the first film? A: The original “Dumb and Dumber”

was a funny movie to me, because it was just so dumb, and I laugh at that. Anybody that does a proper pratfall or does a great walk into a door is funny, and I will laugh.

You have written several screenplays yourself. Did you get to tweak any of your lines in “Dumb and Dumberer?”

A: I do that with just about everything.

I wish that I didn’t have to do it, but it’s rare that I get a script, look at it and think, “Oh man, this is literature!” It’d be great if there wasn’t one thing that had to change. Normally, I look at a script and I see it for what it is. Maybe it has a good story,

it’s written well. But, for some reason, my character in it might be a good character, but not written that great. So I will go in and redo my scenes, rework them and rewrite them. The “powers that be” are usually gracious enough to allow me to do that.

After the success of the “American Pie” movies, you must get offered a lot of teen comedies. Why do you like working in the genre?

I love playing to the young audience. It’s not an easy audience to make laugh. I mean, they have a very specific taste, which is quite legitimate, I think. So the fact that teenagers know who I am is a great bonus for me, let alone that they like what I do.

Are you worried that “You got me straight trippin’, boo!” might go on your tombstone?

You know what, there was a big fear. I was kind of thrilled they were using the line in the advertising campaign for “Bringing Down the House” and I thought, “Well, I guess it’s really taking off.” And then, when we did the press interviews for the film, a lot of the reporters would come in and say the line to me. I kept thinking, “Oh my gosh! I’m going to be hearing this all over the place now! I’m going to be hearing this in restaurants, in the street.” It just sunk in for the first time. But you know what? It actually didn’t happen. I really didn’t get that a lot on the street. People weren’t shouting it. I thought, “Phew! That’s good. I skated by on that one.”

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MOVIE CLOCK REGAL AUGUSTA EXCHANGE 20 Movies Good 6/13 - 6/19 Dumb and Dumberer (PG-13) Fri-Sat: 12:35, 2:50, 5:20, 7:40, 10:00, 12:10; Sun-Thur: 12:35, 2:50, 5:20, 7:40, 10:00 Rugrats Go Wild (PG) 11:25, 12:45, 1:30, 3:10, 3:40, 5:15, 5:45, 7:50, 10:05 2 Fast 2 Furious (PG-13) Fri-Sat: 11:45, 12:15, 12:45, 1:15, 2:15, 2:45, 3:35, 4:00, 4:50, 5:20, 6:30, 7:00, 7:30, 8:00, 9:10, 9:45, 10:20, 10:40, 11:45; Sun-Thur: 11:45, 12:15, 12:45, 1:15, 2:15, 2:45, 3:35, 4:00, 4:50, 5:20, 6:30, 7:00, 7:30, 8:00, 9:10, 9:45, 10:20, 10:40 Holly wood Homicide (PG-13) Fri-Sat: 11:50, 2:35, 5:10, 7:30, 8:10, 10:10, 10:45, 12:45; Sun-Thur: 11:50, 2:35, 5:10, 7:30, 8:10, 10:10, 10:45 Finding Nemo (G) Fri-Sat: 11:30, 12:00, 12:30, 1:00, 2:00, 2:30, 3:00, 3:30, 4:30, 5:00, 5:30, 6:30, 7:00, 8:00, 9:00, 10:30, 11:30; Sun-Thur: 11:30, 12:00, 12:30, 1:00, 2:00, 2:30, 3:00, 3:30, 4:30, 5:00, 5:30, 6:30, 7:00, 8:00, 9:00, 10:30 Wrong Turn (R) 1:05, 3:05, 5:05, 8:15, 10:35 The Italian Job (PG-13) Fri-Sat: 11:35, 2:05, 4:35, 7:05, 7:35, 9:40, 10:15, 12:15; Sun-Thur: 11:35, 2:05, 4:35, 7:05, 7:35, 9:40, 10:15 Bruce Almighty (PG-13) Fri-Sat: 11:30, 12:10, 1:50, 2:15, 2:40, 4:25, 4:55, 5:25, 6:55, 7:25, 8:05, 9:25, 9:55, 10:30, 11:55, 12:25; SunThur: 11:30, 12:10, 1:50, 2:15, 2:40, 4:25, 4:55, 5:25, 6:55, 7:25, 8:05, 9:25, 9:55, 10:30 The Matrix: Reloaded (R) 1:10, 4:15, 7:15, 9:30, 10:25 Daddy Day Care (PG) Fri-Sat: 12:05, 2:20, 4:45, 7:10, 9:35, 11:50; Sun-Thur: 12:05, 2:20, 4:45, 7:10, 9:35 X2 (PG-13) 12:40, 3:40, 6:45, 10:05 EVANS 12 CINEMAS Movies Good 6/13 - 6/19 Holly wood Homicide (R) 1:30, 4:00, 7:30, 9:55

Dumb and Dumberer (PG-13) 1:10, 3:10, 5:10, 7:10, 9:10 Rugrats Go Wild (G) 1:00, 3:00, 5:00, 7:20, 9:20 2 Fast 2 Furious (PG-13) 1:20, 3:30, 5:40, 7:50, 10:00 Ice Age (PG) Tues, Thur: 10:30 a.m. Jonah: A Veggie Tales Movie (G) Tues, Thur: 10:30 a.m. The Italian Job (PG-13) 1:45, 4:15, 7:15, 9:40 Wrong Turn (R) 9:55 Finding Nemo (G) 12:45, 2:00, 3:15, 4:30, 5:45, 7:00, 8:00, 9:15 The In-Laws (PG-13) 12:55, 3:05, 5:20, 7:25, 9:45 Bruce Almighty (PG-13) 2:15, 4:45, 7:05, 9:30 The Matrix: Reloaded (R) 12:50, 3:45, 6:55, 9:35 Daddy Day Care (PG) 1:05, 3:20, 5:30, 7:40, 9:50 X2 (PG-13) 1:15, 4:05, 7:05 MASTERS 7 CINEMAS Movies Good 6/13 - 6/19 Holly wood Homicide (PG-13) 1:00, 4:00, 7:00, 9:30 Dumb and Dumberer (PG-13) 1:30, 3:30, 5:30, 7:30, 9:50 Rugrats Go Wild (PG) 1:15, 3:15, 5:15, 7:15, 9:15 2 Fast 2 Furious (PG-13) 1:20, 4:15, 7:20, 9:45 The Italian Job (PG-13) 1:45, 4:45, 7:05, 9:20 Finding Nemo (G) 12:45, 2:55, 5:10, 7:10, 9:25 Bruce Almighty (PG-13) 2:00, 4:30, 7:25, 9:35

REGAL 12 CINEMAS Show times for Regal 12 Cinemas were not available at press time. Visit w w w.metspirit.com for show times as they become available.

Movie listings are subject to change without notice.

Is There Anything Martha Stewart Can’t Do?

See story on page 24

Cinema: Review

“Hollywood Homicide” Aims High but Falls Flat By Rachel Deahl

illed as both a comedy and a thriller (depending on which week you caught its trailer), “Hollywood Homicide” is a buddy cop picture looking for a punch line and a plotline. Scattered and fractured, the entire picture is hung on the thin chemistry between stars Harrison Ford and Josh Hartnett. Needless to say, the sparks never quite fly and the laughs never gel. Pulling a slipshod story from the mass of headlines about L.A.P.D. involvements in the rap industry, particularly in the deaths of Tupac Shakur and The Notorious B.I.G., “Hollywood Homicide” has its mismatched team of detectives investigating a gang-style murder at an L.A. nightclub. When a group of rappers is gunned down in cold blood, Ford and Hartnett are dispatched to investigate and find the killer. The trail soon leads to a high-profile record label exec (a more articulate, docile take on Suge Knight played by the polished Isaiah Washington). The final kicker is that said exec doesn’t take kindly to his talent getting early releases from their contracts. Unfortunately, director Ron Shelton (whose most notable writing/directing credit is “Bull Durham”) doesn’t know where to take this story. Without investing much effort or originality in the action/suspense angle (think stale car chases and a tiny suspect pool), he focuses too much of his attention on the supposedly complicated personal lives of his detectives. Veteran Joe Galivan (Ford) is a seasoned P.I. who has moonlighted as an entrepreneur and is now trying to make an extra buck in the real estate business. (The best running gag in the film has Ford drumming up sales with his suspects – wealthy rap musicians and music execs.) Saddled with an unappeal-

ing property that he can’t get off his hands, Joe is constantly juggling his police work with his side gig, all the while trying to dig himself out of debt. His younger counterpart, K.C. (Hartnett), is a suave but confused kid who also spends his off-duty hours exploring other careers. Secretly teaching yoga to beautiful women (both for the sex and the good karma) and with dreams of becoming an actor, K.C. is a kind of crunchy playboy confused on and off the job. Sadly their interpersonal struggles never seem as pressing or interesting as they should. After a while, the insistent references to Joe’s crappy realtor skills and K.C.’s odd desire to act (he’s practicing for a role as Stanley in a local performance of “A Streetcar Named Desire”) become distracting. When it ends up that Joe and K.C. just happen to be investigating the same cop who was responsible for the death of K.C.’s dad, also a cop, the seminal murder plot becomes as tepid as the side storylines. Amid the swirl of Hollywood anecdotes and cameos (Eric Idle and Robert Wagner are among the stars who appear, briefly, as themselves), it seems like Shelton had higher designs for “Hollywood Homicide.” Whether trying for satire or a more insightful, darker take on the idiosyncrasies of L.A. and the film industry that drives and envelops it, Shelton never taps into these ideas. Neither as amusing as “Get Shorty” or insightful as “L.A. Confidential,” “Hollywood Homicide” finally comes off as a failed attempt at “Lethal Weapon” which ends up looking more like a poorly done “Showtime.” Finally Shelton inadvertently proves one of the most well-known truths about Tinseltown: Originality is too often discarded (or mistaken) for window-dressing.

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42 M E T R O S P I R I T

Music

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MARILYN MANSON THE MAN, THE MYTH BY LISA JORDAN

everal years ago, Marilyn Manson was the musician most feared by suburban moms. Between his gender-bending sense of fashion, the accusations that his music caused the violence at Columbine High School and lyrics liberally sprinkled with the fword, it seemed they had something to worry about. Now Eminem has replaced Manson as the suburban America’s scariest guy, proving that unbridled male aggression really is more threatening than boys in makeup. Manson won over new crowds with his performance in the Michael Moore documentary “Bowling for Columbine.” He was, to the surprise of many, well-spoken in dismissing the idea that a rock star was responsible for driving teen-agers to violence. And now comes Marilyn Manson’s “The Golden Age of Grotesque,” what critics have been calling his most accessible album to date. While it still sports a parental advisory sticker, the songs on “Golden Age” aren’t particu-

larly shocking. Manson establishes that fact at the beginning of the album with “This Is the New S***,” a song whose chorus — “Babble babble b**** b**** / Rebel rebel party party / Sex sex sex and don’t forget the ‘violence’” – wallows in repetitition until the words are stripped of meaning and become nothing more than background noise. Current single “mOBSCENE” and tracks “(s)AINT” and “Use Your Fist and Not Your Mouth” directly address Manson’s relationship to the celebrity machine that he is, like it or not, a part of. In “(s)AINT,” Manson acknowledges his role as entertainer when he says, “You said I tasted famous so I drew you a heart / But now I’m not an artist I’m a f***ing work of art.” He has also said in recent interviews that he is just now becoming comfortable with the idea that the roles of entertainer and artist are not mutually exclusive. That Manson is an entertainer is something we’ve known all along. He has worked to cultivate an image so

recognizable that even those outside of the Marilyn Manson demographic are well aware of who he is – and why they think they should be afraid of him. (That’s part of the reason that my neighbors, all past Manson’s target age group, still don’t know that my dog’s full name is Marilyn Manson, so named for her striking resemblance to the singer.) Manson knows how to market himself as a shock rocker, while still having the sense to condemn shocking people as his ultimate goal. It was shocking enough for my grandma the first time she saw Manson’s pasty white rear on a broadcast of the MTV Video Music Awards, prompting her to call my grandad into the room (“Jim! Get in here and look at this degenerate!”), but after the third or fourth time, she was laughing. See, Grandma gets it. Marilyn Manson isn’t meant to be shocking. He’s too overthe-top, too drag-diva, too cabaret to be shocking. He, too, is having a good laugh – at those of us who take his act too seriously.

From Shock Boy to Stickboy Stickboy, out of Greensboro, N.C., is another band that understands the value of entertaining its audience. “We have a really energetic stage show,” says drummer Jeremy Thomas. “We really get into what we do. We don’t just sit up and play: We feel it.” A perfect example of that, Thomas says, took place at one of their recent shows. “Some guy was just walking by, dancing like crazy,” he says. Instead of becoming annoyed at the attention the man was attracting, “Our singer runs outside, gives him one of our T-shirts to put on, and takes a picture with him.” Besides putting on an entertaining and interactive show, Stickboy brings some quality original tunes in the power pop vein. A listen to one of Stickboy’s mp3.com offerings, “Wrong,” testifies to the fun inherent in their music. Stickboy also offers up 25 to 30 cover songs in addition to their extensive repertoire of originals, just to mix things up a bit.

“We’ll probably do about half and half,” Thomas says of their upcoming show on Saturday, June 14, at the Red Lion Pub. “That way, people get to hear our stuff, and we also get to play covers that we really enjoy.” The audiences that Stickboy plays for all up and down the East Coast seem to enjoy the band’s mix as well. Thomas says they average 10 to 12 shows a month, including festival shows, and Stickboy has opened up for some bigname acts, including Third Eye Blind, Superdrag, Evan and Jaron, The Mighty Mighty Bosstones, 2 Skinnee J’s and Jimmie’s Chicken Shack. That’s a pretty impressive resume for a band whose current lineup has only been together two and a half years. But, with Stickboy’s work ethic and positive attitude, it’s not a surprise. “A lot of people tell us this is one of the worst times in the history of the industry to make it,” says Thomas, adding that it’s comments like that which inspire the band to work harder. “It all goes back to us playing live and making people believe that you can make it, and you are going to make it. … We want to shoot for the top, but we also know that we’d rather be playing than doing anything else.” Also Pretty Cool Atlanta’s St. Friday is scheduled to play at the Highlander in North Augusta June 13. Rick Richards of the Georgia Satellites will be sitting in with the band, so it’s a set you won’t want to miss. For more information, contact the Highlander, (803) 278-2796.

MUSIC MINIS Warren Zevon’s Final Project Underway Warren Zevon ain’t taking no s*** from the Grim Reaper. As soon as he was diagnosed with inoperable lung cancer, he decided to begin work on a new, and probably final, project. It is to be called “The Wind” and is getting by with a little help from his friends Bruce Springsteen, Don Henley, Joe Walsh, Timothy B. Schmit, Tom Petty, Jackson Browne, Emmylou Harris, Dwight Yoakam, Billy Bob Thornton, Ry Cooder, TBone Burnett, Tommy Shaw, David Lindley and John Waite. He says it’s fortunate that he has a studio in his apartment, which allows him to continue work even though. “So I’m going to be able to stagger into that thing pretty much when the hearse is idling at the curb,” he told the press. Three of his albums have been reissued and a documentary of the recording sessions and Zevon’s life since diagnosis will air when the album is released. Ozzy Not Backing Down No little plague is going to scare Ozzy Osbourne off the stage, nosirree. He insisted he would play Toronto, Canada, even though people have died there. He figures he could

just as easily get hit by a bus or have a heart attack as catch SARS, so he’s going to go about his business. Not surprising, considering he’s seen his share of trouble, including his son Jack’s chemical problems and wife Sharon’s battle with cancer – which she won, by the way. His father, he said, was in England while the Germans were bombing, and told young Ozzy once that, when disaster strikes, people want to be fed and entertained. “And I’m there to entertain,” Ozzy said.

Haggard will be there. So will Marty Stuart and Pam Tillis.

Another Bleeping Music Fest Music fests are not the sort of things that normally go into the Music Minis – that is, unless there’s something weird about them. Well, methinks the UFO Music Fest, to be held July 5 in Roswell, N.M., qualifies. The event’s going to cozy up to the Roswell UFO Festival 2003, which apparently draws thousands. There will be a UFO Electric Light Parade, a classic sci-fi film festival, an alien costume contest, and the 10K Alien Chase Fun Run. I don’t know about you, but I am not, under any circumstances, chasing aliens, imaginary or otherwise, through the desert in July. As for the music fest, Merle

Battle Tracks All the Rage in Music Industry Mixtapes are becoming the weapon of choice for the rap world. Take what happened during the Summer Jam at Giants Stadium during the early part of June: Eminem and 50 Cent performed pieces that will only appear underground, and which lobbed verbal missiles at Murder Inc. and Ja Rule. Well, at least he’s not pistol-whipping people. The thing about mixtapes is that the record labels have no say in the matter. Which is kind of cool, in spite of the bile being spewed ... Oh darn. Journalistic objectivity out the window on that one. Check out www.djgreenlantern.com for samples of “Invasion and Invasion II: The Conspiracy,” a collection compiled by DJ Green Lantern of Hot 97 in New York. Eminem’s Shady Records is OK with the compilation as well. “Invasion…” is mostly about a feud with rapper Ray Benzino, but includes some jabs between Eminem and Ja Rule as well. Ja Rule takes aim at Eminem’s daughter Hailie, who is often mentioned in her dad’s raps. Bad stuff.

COMPILED BY RHONDA JONES Information compiled from online and other music news sources.

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M E T R O S P I R I T

Night Life

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Stickboy comes through Augusta Saturday, June 14, with a stop at the Red Lion.

Thursday, 12th

The Bee’s Knees - 12 Tone Lounge The Big Easy - Buzz Clif ford, George Sykes Cafe Du Teau - Bernard Chambers Club Argos - Karaoke Dance Par t y with DJ Joe Steel Coliseum - Karaoke, High-Energy Dance Continuum - Playa*Listic Thursday Coyote’s - The Rhes Reeves Band D. Timm’s - Joe Patchen and the Blue Diamond Express Fox’s Lair - Karaoke Greene Streets - Men’s Pop, Rock, Blues and Soul National Karaoke Contest Joe’s Underground - Keith “Fossill” Gregory Michael’s - Marilyn Adcock Modjeska - SKYNN with DJ Richie Rich Orange Moon - Open Mic

Saturday, 14th

Playground - Open Mic Night Red Lion - Ruskin Yeargain Soul Bar - Moniker Jazz Sessions Stool Pigeons - Live Enter tainment Surrey Tavern - Sabo and the Scorchers Time Piecez - DJ Dance Par ty

Friday, 13th

Coliseum - Hollywood Hunks Male Revue Cotton Patch - John Kolbeck Coyote’s - The Rhes Reeves Band Crossroads - Seat tle: Tribute, Tur tleneck D. Timm’s - Joe Patchen and the Blue Diamond Express Durango’s - Magic Hat Fox’s Lair - Dennis Hall Greene Streets - Karaoke Hangnail Gallery - Knee Deep and Drowning, The Endurance, Mur, Kill the Author, Thicker Than Blood Highlander - St. Friday with Rick Richards of the Georgia Satellites Joe’s Underground - Sabo and the Scorchers Last Call - Tony Howard, DJ Richie Rich The Lighthouse - The Tams Michael’s - Marilyn Adcock Orange Moon - Three Six ty Partridge Inn - Jazz Solstice with Anthony Carpenter Playground - Will McCranie Red Lion - Josh Pierce CD Release Par ty Rio Bomba - DJ Rodriguez Brothers, Karaoke with Russ Schneider The Shack - DJ Schlepp Rock Shannon’s - Bamboo Soul Bar - ‘80s Night Still Water Tap Room - Bluegrass with Billy Boatwright and Natalie Johnson Surrey Tavern - Soul Dimensions Tops Lounge - The Inhibitors

Andy’s - Roger Hurricane Wilson and David Cantonwine Back Roads - DJ The Bee’s Knees - Meditate on This! The Roots of Acid Jazz, DJ The Big Easy - Air Apparent Blind Pig - Shameless Dave Borders - Eryn Eubanks Cafe Du Teau - Bernard Chambers Club Argos - The Lady Chablis

Fox’s Lair - Karaoke Greene Streets - Karaoke Hangnail Gallery - Daughter of Lust, Darkened by Reason, HateKore Junkies Joe’s Underground - Joe Stevenson and Friends Last Call - New Day, DJ Richie Rich The Lighthouse - Tony Howard Band Luck y Lady’s - Heavy Dose Metro Coffeehouse - Live Af ternoon Bluegrass with Eryn Eubanks and the Family Fold Michael’s - Marilyn Adcock Modjeska - Lingerie and Pajama Par ty Partridge Inn - Sandy B. and the All-Stars Red Lion - Stickboy Rio Bomba - DJ Rodriguez Brothers The Shack - DJ Buckwheat Shannon’s - John Kolbeck Soul Bar - Roots-A-Fire Reggae Band Surrey Tavern - Soul Dimensions

Sunday, 15th

Cafe Du Teau - The Last Bohemian Quar tet Cotton Patch - Keith “Fossill” Gregory Orange Moon - Live Reggae The Shack - Karaoke with DJ Joe, Sasha’s Sunday Special Guest, Cher Shannon’s - Bar t Bell Somewhere in Augusta - Brandon Bower TGI Friday’s - John Kolbeck

Monday, 16th

Andy’s - Roger Hurricane Wilson and David Cantonwine Back Roads - DJ The Bee’s Knees - Jazz Sessions with Moniker The Big Easy - Buzz Clif ford, George Sykes Blind Pig - Shameless Dave Borders - Rod Macker t Cadillac’s - Sterling Colvin and Improv Cafe Du Teau - Bernard Chambers Club Argos - Argos Angels Cabaret, DJ Joe Steel Coliseum - Miss Melinda’s Bir thday Bash with Lauren Alexander Cotton Patch - Black-Eyed Susan Coyote’s - The Rhes Reeves Band Crossroads - Lee Street D. Timm’s - Joe Patchen and the Blue Diamond Express Durango’s - Magic Hat

Coliseum - Q.A.F. Continuum - Monday Madness Crossroads - Club Sin Dance Par ty with DJ Chris Greene Streets - Karaoke Joe’s Underground - Mike Baideme Surrey Tavern - John Kolbeck

Tuesday, 17th

Adams Nightclub - Karaoke with Bill Tolber t The Bee’s Knees - Comin’ ‘Round the Bend Classic Country and Bluegrass Blind Pig - Jayson and Mike Coliseum - Tournament Tuesday D. Timm’s - Joe Patchen and the Blue Diamond Express Greene Streets - Karaoke Joe’s Underground - Ruskin Metro Coffeehouse - Irish Night with Sibin

mon - JOHN KOLBECK

Surrey Tavern fri & sat SOUL DIMENSIONS 471 Highland Ave. | 736-1221 Open Mon-Sat at 4 pm until tues -

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The Lady Chablis will be entertaining at Club Argos June 13. Michael’s - Marilyn Adcock Stool Pigeons - Karaoke Surrey Tavern - Jam Sessions

Wednesday, 18th

The Bee’s Knees - Between the Four th and Fif th Step Blind Pig - Candy-Buzz Coliseum - Wet ‘n’ Wild Talent Search Continuum - Open Mic Jam Sessions Coyote’s - The Rhes Reeves Band D. Timm’s - Joe Patchen and the Blue Diamond Express Greene Streets - Women’s Pop, Rock, Blues and Soul National Karaoke Contest Joe’s Underground - John Michael’s - Marilyn Adcock Playground - Karaoke The Shack - Karaoke Shannon’s - Bamboo Somewhere in Augusta - Patrick Blanchard Soul Bar - Live Jazz Surrey Tavern - John Kolbeck

Upcoming

Chippendales - Coyote’s - June 19 Mr. Club Argos - Club Argos - June 20 The Kevn Kinney Band - Soul Bar - June 21 Ashanti, Mr. Cheeks - For t Gordon - June 27 Mr. Augusta CSR A Pride 2003 Contest Coliseum - June 27 Caitlin Carey - Crossroads - June 28 The Kitty Snyder Band - Soul Bar - June 28 Stewart and Winfield - Last Call - July 3 John Michael Montgomery - Lake Olmstead Stadium - July 4 Mr. Georgia U.S.A. - Club Argos - July 4 Finger 11, Echo 7, Double Drive - Crossroads July 9

Elsewhere

Ambrosia - Wills Equestrian Park, Alpharet ta, Ga. - June 12 Blues Traveler, Will Hoge, Drive-By Truckers, Shurman, New Blood Revival - Centennial Olympic Park, Atlanta - June 13 Biohazard - Masquerade, Atlanta - June 13; House of Blues, Myr tle Beach, S.C. - June 14 Mary Prankster - The Earl, Atlanta - June 14 Olivia New ton-John - Chastain Park Amphitheatre, Atlanta - June 15 !!!, Outhud - Echo Lounge, Atlanta - June 15 Scott Miller - Smith’s Olde Bar, Atlanta - June 15 Peter Gabriel - Chastain Park Amphitheatre, Atlanta - June 16 Cherry wine - MJQ Concourse, Atlanta - June 17 Tift Merritt - The Red Light Cafe, Atlanta - June 18 AthFest - Various Venues, Athens, Ga. - June 19-22 Soul Asylum, Seven Mary Three, Graham Colton, mrnorth, Transmission - Centennial Olympic Park, Atlanta - June 20

Alabama - Philips Arena, Atlanta - June 20 Delbert McClinton - Variety Playhouse, Atlanta June 21 Johnny Mathis - Chastain Park Amphitheatre, Atlanta - June 21 Cornell Gunter’s Coasters, Elsbeary Hobbs’ Drifters, The Platters - Anderson Music Hall, Hiawassee, Ga. - June 21 Heart - Chastain Park Amphitheatre, Atlanta June 22 Aretha Franklin - Chastain Park Amphitheatre, Atlanta - June 24 Working Title, Royal 7 - Centennial Olympic Park, Atlanta - June 27 Dave Matthews Cover Band - Variety Playhouse, Atlanta - June 28 Boston - Chastain Park Amphitheatre, Atlanta June 29 Sugar Ray, Matchbox Twenty - Philips Arena, Atlanta - June 29 Camel - Variety Playhouse, Atlanta - July 1 The Jayhawks and The Thorns - Variety Playhouse, Atlanta - July 2 Brenda Lee, Nitty Gritty Dirt Band - Georgia Mountain Fair, Hiawassee, Ga. - July 5 Colin Hay - Wills Park Equestrian Center, Alpharet ta, Ga. - July 10 Better Than Ezra, Lifehouse, Ingram Hill, The Robert Barnes Band - Centennial Olympic Park, Atlanta - July 11 The Fall - Echo Lounge, Atlanta - July 12 Robert Bradley’s Black water Surprise, Mieka Pauley, Juniper Lane - Centennial Olympic Park, Atlanta - July 18 Charley Pride, Darryl Worley - Georgia Mountain Fair, Hiawassee, Ga. - July 19 The Outfield - Wills Park Equestrian Center, Alpharet ta, Ga. - July 24 Everclear, Maroon 5, Evenout, Kill Hannah Centennial Olympic Park, Atlanta - July 25 Nickel Creek, Frank y Perez, Antigone Rising Centennial Olympic Park, Atlanta - Aug. 1 Liz Phair, Hootie and the Blowfish, Tonic, The Clarks, Bain Mattox - Centennial Olympic Park, Atlanta - Aug. 8 George Clinton and Parliament/Funkadelic, North Mississippi All-Stars, Kevn Kinney Band - Centennial Olympic Park, Atlanta - Aug. 15 Goo Goo Dolls, Pat McGee Band, Marc Broussard - Centennial Olympic Park, Atlanta Aug. 22 Many tickets are available through TicketMaster outlets, by calling 828-7700, or online at w w w.ticketmaster.com. Tickets may also be available through Tix Online by calling 278-4TIX or online at w w w.tixonline.com. Night Life listings are subject to change without notice. Deadline for inclusion in Night Life calendar is Tuesday at 4 p.m. Contact Rhonda Jones or Lisa Jordan by calling 738-1142, fa xing 736-0443 or e-mailing to rhonda_jones@metspirit.com or lisa_jordan@metspirit.com.

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n obscure California law makes it shockingly easy for anyone to anonymously force a motorist into a formal hearing over his driving skills, according to a May story in the Southern California newspaper OC Weekly. The Department of Motor Vehicles said the so-far-underused law was designed to allow relatives of diminishedskill elderly drivers to ease them off the road, but that the legislation places no limits on who can use it. Any complaint, even a bogus one with no proof, leads to a formal hearing at DMV with license suspension a possible outcome, and DMV says it must enforce the law unless the legislature changes it. • May marked the debut of Minnesota’s gun-carry law, whose critics complained that it is much easier on handgun-possession than even Texas’ law. Licensees may carry guns openly in any parking lot in the state (except federal facilities), including school parking lots (although possession of a knife in a school parking lot is still a felony). Guns are still prohibited on other school property, but the law reduces licensees’ penalty for that from a felony to a misdemeanor. Private establishments can prohibit guns, but only with a state-dictated sign at each entrance, and then the “penalty” for violation is to be told to leave. The Entrepreneurial Spirit

To t e k c i T r u o Y eat Finding Gr Flicks.

Check out Cinema Movie Listings to make the best choice for your viewing pleasure!

• New Product Launches: “Purring Kitty” software that makes Nokia cell phones vibrate continuously to create a “discreet massager” (according to the British firm Vibrelet). A healing stone that when heated is a smell-remover, a sterilizer and a treatment for heart disease (according to the developer, the government of North Korea). A fashionable but electrically charged woman’s anti-assault coat, with rubber lining and vinyl outer layer sandwiching 9-volt circuitry that, when armed, delivers a finger-in-a-wall-socket-type jolt to anyone who touches it (from Advanced Research Apparel). And the 4-year-old, but recently trendy, half-inch, gold-enameled good-luck charm in the shape of curled feces (from Ryukodo of Kyoto, Japan). • “We figured that (every small business) obviously worth doing is already being done by 50 other guys in Miami, so we had to do some thinking first,” said “Anton” to the Miami New Times in April. That thinking resulted in Anton’s belief that “thousands” of people would pay a dollar each to view his (and his partner “Frank’s”) painstakingly created display of exactly 1 million toothpicks. After hundreds of hours of counting and banding the picks, the two men were at last word ready to look at venues and marketing proposals. • While the average chief executive of a $2.7 million, not-for-profit organization is

paid just over $100,000, the swimming coach who is head of the De Anza Cupertino Aquatics program in California’s Silicon Valley last year earned over $350,000, according to an April report in the San Jose Mercury News. The CEO-coach Pete Raykovich took over the program (training swimmers, from toddlers through internationally competitive athletes) when it was small and gets 10 percent of revenues plus a salary of $85,000, and the board of directors appears to have no regrets about Raykovich’s pay. • Lawrence Omansky was arrested in April in New York City and charged with kidnapping business partner Lawrence Schlosser, who had criticized Omansky’s property management work at a meeting in Omansky’s office in the TriBeCa section of Manhattan. Allegedly, during the meeting, Omansky bound Schlosser and forced him into a 3-foot-high crawl space under the second floor, where Schlosser remained for 28 hours before untaping himself and escaping. Said Omansky’s lawyer, “The case will ultimately be viewed as a business dispute.” Weird Science • Doctors at Chimkent (Kazakhstan) Children’s Hospital told the BBC in April that they had removed a fetus from a 7year-old boy; it was thought at first to be a cyst but when removed, actually had hair and bones and is now believed to have been the boy’s Siamese twin that grew in the wrong place. And in May, Groote Schnuur Hospital (Cape Town, South Africa) reported only the 15th documented case of a fetus developing in the mother’s liver (and the fourth to survive). • Curator Mark Norman of Australia’s Melbourne Museum revealed in January that he had captured and photographed the male of the world’s most sexually unequal species. When the blanket octopus male (2 cm long) mates with the female (6 feet long), it uses a special extension arm to transfer sperm from its penis (after which the male dies). Females, which may weigh 10,000 times as much as the males, are typically found with several such extension arms lodged inside them. People Different From Us • The world did not end on May 15, contrary to warnings by Japan’s 1,200-member Pana Wave Laboratory cult, whose public activities (covering themselves and their property in white sheets for protection against electromagnetic waves beamed by “communists”) had drawn media attention just before “doomsday.” The Pana Wavers are believed not to be dangerous, although one member said that if the group’s guru, Ms. Yuko Chino, soon succumbs to her (supposedly) microwaveinduced cancer, the cult will, in revenge, exterminate “all humankind.” Least Competent Criminals • At the May court hearing in Nashville, Tenn., for Denza D. McGee, 19, accused of fatally shooting a man, McGee’s buddy Gerald Cunningham, 23, showed up to give moral support. However, the witness who was in court to identify McGee said she also recognized Cunningham as McGee’s partner in the home invasion and shooting, and Cunningham was pulled out of the gallery and arrested. — Chuck Shepherd © United Press Syndicate

Brezsny's Free Will Astrology ARIES (March 21-April 19)

“People demand freedom of speech,” said Norwegian philosopher Soren Kierkegaard, “as a compensation for the freedom of thought which they never use.” I hope this smart-ass witticism gets you agitated, Aries. I hope it prods you to wonder whether maybe you sometimes let your mouth race ahead of your brain; whether maybe you’re not as free from conventional wisdom as you imagine. Your energetic courage has propelled you halfway up the mountain; to get to the top you’ll have to become more skilled at questioning your own assumptions.

TAURUS (April 20-May 20)

Visualize your greatest fear. How much of it is based on a possibility that the dreaded experience could actually happen? What part of your foreboding, on the other hand, is fueled by your active imagination, your habitual propensity to worry, and the pervasive angst the media has infected you with? Once you’ve meditated on those questions, Taurus, try these prescriptions: In the next 24 hours, take one step to reduce the level of anxiety you’ve accepted as normal. Take another step to diminish the power of your greatest fear. The astrological omens say you’ll receive unexpected help if you do these things.

GEMINI (May 21-June 20)

You’re a force of nature barely contained in your clothes, Gemini. You’re elemental and irresistible; primordial yet playful. You’re laughing like a river, dreaming like a volcano, and as surprising as a snowstorm on a summer day. You can talk the way the animals think. You remind me of a waterfall exuding fireworks. How could anyone not be drawn to you? How could anyone not feel a bit nervous while drinking in your unpredictable charisma? You’re way over the top, and I like it very much.

CANCER (June 21-July 22)

Here’s a friendly warning to keep in mind during these last few days of test and trials. It comes cour-

ACROSS

LEO (July 23-Aug. 22)

VIRGO (Aug. 23-Sept. 22)

If an astrologer from the old school were writing this horoscope, he might tell you that now is an excellent time to advance your ambitions through gossipy manipulation. But since you and I are in the business of creating a new civilization based on values that feed the soul, my take on your imminent future is different. I say it’s a perfect moment to engage in uplifting gossip that serves the greater good. I suggest that you praise unsung heroes and name everything that’s working well. The irony is that for people like us, dissing people always hurts our ambitions. One of the best ways to enhance our own possibilities is to use our power of speech to promote others’ chances for happiness and success.

17-, 27-, 42and 52-Across? 6 Wind instrument 39 Years, to Yves 10 Ring 40 Year in 14 Early check, Claudius’s reign perhaps 41 One of a finite 16 Tabula ___ pair? 17 Opposite of 42 Opposite of abandoned? dead-on? 19 Expires 46 Yacht spots 20 Off, in a way 49 What payments may be in 21 Account number 50 Dinar spender 25 English king 51 “The Night of succeeded by the Hunter” William of screenwriter Orange 52 Opposite of a 27 Opposite of gleeful shout? sad? 59 Kind of force 29 1998 P.G.A. Championship 60 Chairpersons? winner 61 Once, once 30 Cooler in a 62 ___ regni (in the cooler year of the reign) 31 T. S. Eliot’s 63 Final figure Theatre Cat

ANSWER TO PREVIOUS PUZZLE B E A K Y E L L E L L E E P A O R T I N G O D E I A N E W N O S H O D I S D A N N U M A I N U N T I P E S T

A T T L U A D W S A N

F A R R E G O

R D O A I N I T C S A E L S L

E L O I

SCORPIO (Oct. 23-Nov. 21)

“I have a dream,” Martin Luther King Jr. sang during his stirring speech at the Lincoln Memorial in Washington, D.C. on Aug. 28, 1963. “I have a dream that one day this nation will rise up and live out the true meaning of its creed: ‘We hold these truths to be self-evident: that all men are created equal’... I have a dream that my four children will one day live in a nation where they will not be judged by the color of their skin but by the content of their character.” To help get yourself into alignment with current astrological influences, Leo, read or listen to King’s entire speech in the coming days. Let it inspire you to create your own personal “I have a dream” manifesto. It’s high time you fantasized to the hilt about creating heaven on earth.

34 Errs — as in

1 Heat locale

New York Times Crossword Puzzle

tesy of German philosopher Friedrich Nietzsche: “He who fights with monsters might take care lest he thereby become a monster. And if you gaze for long into an abyss, the abyss gazes also into you.” Would you like to avoid the fate he describes, Cancerian? (Say yes! Say yes!) All you have to do is relax with a heroic effort. Release every last ounce of tension and strain. Surrender, slacken and slow down with a consuming passion for repose. And do not, under any circumstances, try too hard.

W G R E H E T O S B U S U A N T L T R U S T O E V U S D E K E S S E C L O A B O E P T I B L E W E A N A Y N N N

A L I N E

F L E U R

F O R M S

G A R R I S O N S

A L O U D

D E M M E

E S N A E C

DOWN

1 Scratch, say

2 First name in

tyranny 3 Diamond stat. 4 ___-jongg 5 How fractions may be stated 6 Buyer 7 Complex grp. 8 “Bad idea” 9 Artist’s asset 10 Trims 11 Counts, now 12 Computer data format 13 “Chicago Hope” Emmy winner 15 Sure success 18 Mattress problem 21 ___ gut (laugh hard) 22 Hive-connected 23 Driving course? 24 Halo wearer, in France 25 It might throw you 26 “Absolutely!” 28 Italian playwright ___ Fo 31 “___ Din” 32 Insistent one 33 Piques 35 Italian sports car, for short 36 Good thing to have about you

LIBRA (Sept. 23-Oct. 22)

When I’m mountain-biking on the ridge, I usually stick to the relatively smooth parts of the dirt trails. Now and then, though, I head straight towards the most jagged bumps and deepest pits. It feels good to test my sense of balance so dramatically — to have to make countless split-second adjustments as my bike rumbles over the rugged terrain. Far from being a hardship, the sensation is exhilarating. I do it on purpose because it’s fun. From my analysis of the astrological omens, Libra, I reckon you’re now in a phase comparable to the one I just described. May you enjoy every minute of the wild ride.

Writing in Sky & Telescope magazine, Roy Gallant described how long it took for scientists to consider the evidence for meteorites. Until the 1800s, “the scientific community scoffed at those who believed stones fell from the heavens, though meteorites had been seen to fall and had been collected since ancient times by the Chinese and Egyptian ... As stones continued to rain down from the sky, learned scientists explained them away as condensations of the atmosphere or concretions of volcanic dust.” Let this be a cautionary tale for you, Scorpio. There’s a certain truth you’ve been dead set against believing, let alone seeing, even though the evidence for it has been steadily growing. This week, indisputable proof will come pouring in. Don’t pretend it’s not there.

SAGITTARIUS (Nov. 22-Dec. 21)

Do you have a muse? If not, get one as soon as possible. You shouldn’t go another week without a mysterious, inspiring creature to drive you wonderfully crazy. If you do have a muse that is doing a fine job in service to your feisty spirit, reward him or her. Throw an exotic party in an unexpected location with vivacious revelers. Buy or make a surprising gift that has a muse-like effect on your muse. There is a third possibility: Maybe you have a muse that lately hasn’t been whipping you into the kind of delightful frenzy you need to keep your soul healthy. If that’s the case, go off on a retreat together and come up with a new plan.

CAPRICORN (Dec. 22-Jan. 19)

In her San Francisco Chronicle column, Leah Garchik reported an amazing fact about an outdoor concert hosted by famed tree-sitter Julia Butterfly

At a candy store last Easter, I heard a philosophical debate about Jesus-themed confections. “It’s just not right to eat a symbol of God,” one woman said as she gazed at a chocolate Christ on the cross. A man agreed: “It’s sacrilegious. An abomination.” An employee overheard and jumped in. “I’ll ask my boss to take that stuff off the shelf,” she clucked. I was tempted to say what I was thinking: “Hello! The holiest ritual of Christian worship involves eating Christ’s symbolic body and blood.” But I held my tongue; I wasn’t in the mood for a brouhaha. Now I can speak freely, though. Which is lucky for you, Aquarius, because here’s the good news: You’re at the peak of your capacity to blend sensual pleasure with spiritual inspiration. A great way to express that would be to feast upon a delicious embodiment of the god or goddess you love best.

PISCES (Feb. 19-March 20)

Your first image of power comes from “Volcanoes,” a poem by Susan Katz: “A man in his glass house, inside the heart of a blizzard, harvests roses.” Let it console you, Pisces, whenever you feel the world around you is hostile or apathetic to the masterpiece that’s quickening under your care. Your second image of power comes from poet Emily Dickinson. She said she always knew when she was reading a good poem because it made her feel like the top of her head was about to come off. As you nurture your masterpiece, Pisces, you’ll know you’re on the right track if now and then you have the sensation she described. — © Rob Brezsny You Can Call Rob Brezsny, day or night, for your Expanded Weekly Horoscope

1-900-950-7700

$1.99 per minute • 18 & over • Touchtone phone required • C/S 612-373-9785 • www.freewillastrology.com/

18 19 22

20 25

40 42

AQUARIUS (Jan. 20-Feb. 18)

Hill. The 10,000 people who attended left behind less than one dumpster’s worth of trash, whereas a normal crowd that size would have filled ten dumpsters. I suggest you begin mastering this approach to waste production, Capricorn — especially the psychic version of waste. That way, you will never again have to slog through the massive karmic clean-up you’re having to endure right now.

48 51

50 52

Puzzle by Gilbert H. Ludwig

37 Was obviously

displeased with 38 Flew 42 Common finch 43 Woman with legendary patience 44 First Olympics venue with women’s hockey

45 1545 council

site

46 Mosquito look-

alike

47 Deafening 48 “A Natural

Man” Grammy winner

51 Erelong

53 Slangy suffix 54 Take home 55 Latin lover’s

declaration

56 Dripping 57 Neighbor of

Scorpius

58 Designer

monogram

For answers, call 1-900-285-5656, $1.20 a minute; or, with a credit card, 1-800-814-5554. Annual subscriptions are available for the best of Sunday crosswords from the last 50 years: 1-888-7-ACROSS. Online subscriptions: Today's puzzle and more than 2,000 past puzzles, nytimes.com/crosswords ($34.95 a year). Crosswords for young solvers: The Learning Network, nytimes.com/learning/xwords.

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’m dating “Mr. Paper Perfect.” Theoretically, he’s every thing I’ve dreamed of — loving, handsome, intelligent and faithful, with a job being held for him at a prominent law firm. He wants to marry me when he graduates from law school nex t year. I do love him. However, he has a pretty rigid religious background. He’s straightlaced; I’m wild. He was a virgin until recently. He flips out about my sexual past and is very judgmental about my wild streak. Also, something’s missing — I’m not sure what. I’m 99% fulfilled. Is it unrealistic to want 100%? —Missing Peace A lifetime walking on the “Girls Gone Wild” side can have a high price — star ting at around $20,000: the cost of surgery for repetitive stress injuries from constantly pulling up your top and exposing your breasts for the video camera. That’s why even bad girls need a vacation now and then — like this side trip you’ve taken into “respectability.” At the moment, it probably seems no biggie to kick of f your four-inch heels and trade in dresses you remove with a paint scraper for the paperper fect man. It’s actually a great way to ex tend the life span of your impor ted Agent Provocateur lingerie — put ting it in storage and put ting yourself on the waiting list for a burqa by Burberry and a chastity belt by Louis Vuit ton. Of course, there’s more to making this relationship work than trading tar t-wear for a lit tle fundamentalist chic. If, for example, you wear the strumpet suits I took the liber ty of shellacking onto you in the previous paragraph, it’s probably because they suit who you are — a lifelong strumpet. Can’t people change? Sure — their hair, their toothpaste, a five-dollar bill. But can you transform, overnight, into Marian The Librarian? Probably not. Not unless you wake up one morning, independent of the influence of your favorite zealot, desperate to make the transition from “Born To Be Wild” to “bornagain virgin.” Maybe you’re tempted to go for “security” — a word that also comes af ter “ma ximum” on the outside of a lot of prisons. It’s a serious thing you’re considering — trading in what you are for what you’re supposed to want. Maybe it’ll work. Maybe you can lock the hussy in you in a closet. Sooner or later, though, it’s bound to get its long, tacky talons around a nail file (or maybe a steel spike from a leather bra you

tossed in there with the rest of your nasty lingerie), and dig its way back into your life. Then what? Do you inform Mr. Theoretically Per fect that you need a sabbatical from the “Girls Gone Respectable” video series — the lifelong contract for you to get videotaped but toning the top but ton of your flannel nightgown, drinking warm milk, and reading children’s books to the cat? Keep in mind that he’s a guy who really wanted a girl who’s been squeezing a penny between her knees for the last 20-some years. Then you tot tered into his life. Don’t think for a minute that he accepts who you are or where you’ve been — he probably just does his best to block out all the nudity. Can you live with this? Should you? Time will tell, which is why you shouldn’t be making big decisions according to anybody else’s timetable — his or the law school calendar. Take all the time you need to figure out who you are and what it takes to make you happy — and whether it’s really a guy whose dream girl is one who runs around blur ting out stuf f like “Nothing comes between me and my big white granny panties.”

I’m an average-looking guy with classic virtues (loyalty, fidelity, gentleness), but women keep ditching me for “bad boys.” How do I convince them they’re better off with a good guy like me than some dog who’s guaranteed to mistreat them? —Good and Lonely Convenience stores are stocked for people who know what’s good for them and have no intention of eating it. When’s the last time you screeched into 7-11’s parking lot at 3 a.m. to grab a pint of alfalfa sprouts? There’s a reason women aren’t burning rubber to get to you. Low self-esteem queens aside (they feel like dir t and want guys who treat them accordingly), maybe you’re not just “good,” but good and boring. A woman wants a man who keeps her guessing — not about whether he’ll be done robbing the gas station in time to drive her to yoga — but at least about what he’ll say nex t. That’s the dif ference between good and fun and good and boring, which generally goes over like a double-shot of wheat grass juice: You know it’s supposed to be a tiny green fountain of youth, but you still can’t bring yourself to drink stuf f that looks like something a goat spit up and tastes like it, too. — © 2003, Amy Alkon

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FIRST TIME AD! Employed SBF, 35, no children, wants to meet a laid-back, spontaneous man, 33-41, race unimportant, to get to know as a friend and maybe progress to more! ☎280007 OLD-FASHIONED GIRL SWF, 34, attractive, blonde, with good morals and values, Leo, N/S, enjoys nature, cooking, animals, movies, and home life. Desiring marriage-minded, family-oriented WM, 32-45. ☎261032 SEEKING DEDICATED PERSON SWF, late-30s, blonde/blue, is dedicated and looking for the same in a man, for friendship first, possibly more. ☎251283 GIVE ME A JINGLE SBF, 46, is loving, kind and sweet, mature at every beat, can weave anything and loves to sing. Want to sing with her? ☎200842 TABLE FOR TWO SWF, 57, 5’4”, blond/green, easygoing, outgoing, enjoys cooking, fishing, reading, NASCAR. Seeking honest, respectful S/DWM, 57-65. ☎965851 BE MY FRIEND Attractive SWF, 29, 5’7”, 129lbs, brown/brown, N/S, no kids, never married, seeks SWM, 2037, in shape, friendship first, possible LTR. ☎945103 GOOD GIRL Attractive SWF, 38, 5’4”, 145lbs, blonde/hazel, N/S, Pisces, enjoys outdoors. Seeking tall SWM, 30-42. ☎864247 SINCERE BEAUTY Sophisticated SBCF, 23, 5’2”, 140lbs, interested in seeking educated, independent, employed SBM, 23-30, long walks, stimulating conversation, friendship, dating, more. ☎849311 OLD-FASHIONED VALUES Honest, relaxed, christian SBF, 56, Aries, N/S, enjoys cooking, dining out, quiet times at home. Seeking marriage-minded, financially secure SBM, 50-56, N/S, for LTR. ☎829149 GOD LOVER Athletic, shy SBF, 33, 5’5”, 160lbs, Gemini, smoker, enjoys church, dining out, cooking, traveling, shopping, reading. Seeking outgoing man, 35-50, smoker, for LTR. ☎709843 AN AUTUMN SPECIAL Hard-working WF, 38, 5’4”, 100lbs, blonde/brown, enjoys biking, watersports, cooking, and travel. Seeking WM, 35-50, for possible LTR. ☎965904 GOOD-HEARTED DWF, 61, 5’9”, honest, neat in appearance, with a good sense of humor. Seeking WM, 6070, who’s honest and caring. ☎574264 MAKE MY HEART LAUGH SBF, 22, 5’8”, 155lbs, part-time student, seeks sensual, kind man with a great heart, for movies, dining out, and open-minded conversation. ☎565120

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Monday-Saturday 10am-9pm 2635 Washington Road | Augusta, Georgia 30904 | 706.738.7777 www.windsorjewelers.net LEO SBF, 31, wants to share quality time with a man who loves movies, dining out, quiet times, for friendship. ☎202217 A GOOD-HEARTED WOMAN Honest SWF, 5’4”, long dark brown/hazel, would like to meet a trustworthy SWM for a good, honest, open relationship. I smoker, so another smoker is preferred. Grovetown. ☎111411 Men Seeking Women

WANNA DANCE? SWM, 37, smoker, wants to share outdoor fun (fishing, hunting, camping), with a wonderful woman. ☎464905 I CAN COOK SWM, 51, 6’1”, 193lbs, with blue eyes and a laid-back attitude, seeks a woman with a spontaneous, creative spirit. ☎434997 ARE YOU THE ONE? SM, 29, enjoys tennis, movies, dancing, dining out, long walks, antiques, Asian culture. Seeking confident, sweet, good-natured woman for LTR. ☎471619 WELL-ROUNDED SM, 27, loves art, theater, movies, music, long walks, conversation. Desires to meet attractive, cultured, social woman for dating, possibly more. ☎471543

HARD-WORKING SWCM, 48, enjoys sports, travel, dining out, dancing, reading, movies. Seeking stable, sincere woman, with similar interests, for friendship, possible LTR. ☎474643 NEVER BEEN MARRIED SWM, 40, would like to meet a woman who enjoys simple pleasures such as outdoor fun, music and exercise. ☎463381 SOMETHING SO RIGHT SWM, 46, 5’8”, 195lbs, wants to meet a lady with good moral character, who is looking for a lasting relationship. ☎464950 TAKE ME AS I AM SWM, 31, 5’6”, medium build, brown/blue, Gemini, N/S, enjoys movies, and more. Seeking SWF, 25-35, N/S, N/D, who enjoys good times, dating, for LTR. ☎341418 TRY ME SBM, 31, enjoys sports, movies, park walks, good conversation. Seeking pretty, honest SF, to share these with. ☎448964 WELL-ROUNDED MAN Educated DBPM, 41, 5’11”, loves reading, working out, the arts, dining out, travel, quiet times. Would like to meet female, 30-45, with similar interests, for fun, friendship, and maybe more. ☎442021 HERE I AM SBM, 32, 6’9”, glasses, Aries, smoker, loves singing, drawing, and dining out. Seeking a woman, 21-56, with whom to connect. ☎430788 SAY ‘BYE TO LONELINESS Male, 35, 5’2”, H/W proportionate, attractive, light-skinned, Leo, proportionate, smoker, seeks woman, 18-35, laid-back, committed, and faithful. ☎432003 YOU AND ME SWM, 34, enjoys outdoors, good times, movies, laughter, romance. Seeking loving, caring SWF, 20-50, for LTR. ☎412476

Stud Finder YOU HAVE 6 NEW MATCHES

BIG HEART, BIG BRAIN? Creative, expressive SF, 41, graphic artist, loves the country, with passion for gardening, nature, flora/fauna, needlework( knitting, crochet, quilting). Seeking creative, spiritual man, to share hopes, dreams, desires. ☎483300 BEACH BUM SBF, 31, with bachelor’s degree in communications, Taurus, N/S, loves dining out, movies, working out, and reading. Seeking man, 26-36. ☎869451 COMPANIONSHIP DWF, 48, enjoys antiquing, travel, dining out, movies and more. Seeking DWM, 48-58, for loving, tender relationship. ☎732056 MAYBE YOU’RE THE 1 SBF, 30, 5’7”, brown complexion, auburn/brown, thick, seeks independent, loving SM, who’s fun, active, commitment-minded, a handyman type, to share romance, fun, friendship and a possible lasting relationship. ☎488232 WHOLE LOTTA LOVE SBF, 33, would like to share movies, dinners, quiet evenings at home, the usual dating activities, with a great guy. ☎463610 ARIES/TAURUS DWCF, 52, 5’4”, brown/green, likes the beach, playing pool, sailing, flea markets, dining, movies at home, stargazing. Looking for tall, honest, kind, affectionate, Christian man, 3958. Let’s adore each other. ☎479572 DON’T PASS ME BY SHF, 18, 5’1”, 126lbs, short/brown, would like to meet a guy for bowling, dancing and romance. ☎463061 LOOKING FOR YOU SWF, 37, 5’6”, Scorpio, N/S, enjoys mountains, bowling, the beach and music. Seeking WM, 35-48, N/S, to be a companion, friend. ☎456544 LOVES TO LAUGH Attractive SWF, 19, 5’9”, Libra, smoker, seeks WM, 18-35, for a solid, good, honest friendship leading towards LTR. ☎455393 OUTGOING WF, 50s, 5’5”, 150lbs, brunette, likes dining out, dancing, cooking, interior decorating, more. Give me a call. ☎443130 NO INTRO NEEDED SBCF, 26, 5’4”, 130lbs, single parent of a 7year-old son, very independent, Gemini, N/S, seeks BM, 27-40, to be my friend. ☎432010 HOPELESS ROMANTIC SBF, 25, no children, very independent, Leo, N/S, seeks BM, 26-40, N/S, with whom to share movies, dancing, and quality time. ☎300467

SEARCHING FOR MR RIGHT SBPF, 39, Libra, loves church, traveling, movies, and dining out. Seeking SBPM, 37-60, for possible LTR. ☎421273 A SIMPLE GAL SWF, 35, 5’4”, seeks laid back man, 18-40, for casual dating, friendship maybe more. ☎418340 A SPECIAL SOMEONE SBF, 25, mother, seek financially stable, independent man, 20-45, who loves children, for LTR . ☎415803 OUTGOING/OUTDOORS TYPE Tall, full-figured, SF, 5’10, long red hair, green eyes, outgoing, outdoors type, spends allot of time with two children, likes movies and sports. Seeking compatible SM, 24-40. ☎402582 NICE EVENINGS Attractive SBF, 35, enjoys nice evenings, conversation, seeking loving SBM, 30-37, for nice evenings. ☎400597 TAKE ME DANCING SWF, 25, 5’9”, blonde/brown, Gemini, N/S, seeks WM, 30-38, N/S, who likes kids. For dating. ☎385501 LIGHT UP MY LIFE Beautiful BF, 60, 5’11”, with a brown complexion, N/S, N/D, has lots of love and passion to share with a SBM, who goes to church. ☎383766 MORE THAN AVERAGE Slender SBF, 53, 5’2”, independent, Aries, smoker, loves music, conversation, laughter. Seeking independent, mature SBM, 48-65, for friendship first. ☎369627 HIGH SCHOOL TEACHER SWF, 57, 5’11”, 130lbs, very trim, Capricorn, N/S, enjoys canoeing, backpacking, nature photography, and hiking. Seeking WM, 52-62, N/S, with similar interests. ☎358288 STILL SEARCHING SWF, 47, 5’8”, 148lbs, Sagittarius, smoker, interests vary, seeks SWM, 37-48, for LTR. ☎342017 ATTENTION! Your military date is in Augusta. SF seeks military male, 29-45, with good sense of humor, good values/qualities. No abusers. Race open. Children ok. Will answer all. ☎334255 SINGLE MOM DWF, 40, 5’3”, brown/brown, full-figured, new to the area, seeks non-smoking SCM, 40+, for companionship, friendship, possibly more. ☎319109 A LOT TO OFFER SWPF, 39, 5’2”, 155lbs, loves, sports, dining out, cooking, movies, walks in the park, playing pool, travel, dining out. Seeking young man, with similar interests, for friendship and companionship. ☎321666 GET INTO THE GROOVE SWF, 43, 5’4”, 110lbs, slender, active, Capricorn, N/S, enjoys playing frisbee and nature walks. Seeking WM, 37-47, wide shoulders a+. ☎301123 GOD IS OUR SAVIOR SWF, 50, Sagittarius, N/S, loves Christian music, Christian tv, and reading the Bible. Seeking BCM, 50-55, N/S, who sees things the same as I do. ☎299661 TO THE POINT DWF, 37, administrative assistant, Capricorn, N/S, seeks WM, 29-49, N/S, occasional drinker ok, honest, for dating. ☎299335 MEET THE CRITERIA? SBF, 32, mother, smoker, seeks considerate male, 35-42, with capability to be understanding and sincere in a relationship. ☎288180 ENVELOPING EMBRACE Kind-hearted SBCF, 52, non-smoker, enjoys dining out, attending church. Seeking loving SBCM, 52-65, with similar interests. ☎287845 FALL IN LOVE AGAIN SF, 46, dark complexion, cosmetologist, seeks caring, sensitive, employed man, 46-56, for long walks, cuddling, and more. ☎284967

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M B D F H C LTR

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G W A S J P N/D N/S

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To respond to ads using a COMPATIBLE WOMAN WANTED DWM, 46, 5’9”, N/S, slim build, Capricorn, N/S, enjoys old cars, boating, classic rock, horror movies, mountains, beach. Seeking SWF, 3846, N/S, for LTR. ☎341454 THE PERFECT MATE DBM, 40, 6’, 195lbs, with 1 child, Capricorn, smoker, homeowner, loves gardening, cooking, and hunting. Seeking WF, 28-42, petite, to bedazzling. ☎873556 DON’T MISS THIS! SBM, 45, 5’10’’, 230lbs, interested in sports, jazz, movies, dining out. Would like to meet a woman with the same interests. ☎862898 TAKE ME ON Male, 34, 5’10”, 180lbs, black/hazel, Capricorn, financially secure, smoker, seeks woman, 2739, smoker, petite, who loves Nascar and beaches. ☎429058 JUST FOR YOU SWM, 29, brown/green, 5’8”, 150lbs, employed, seeks outgoing, active SWF, 21-35, who can appreciate a loving man. ☎416629 COMMITMENT SM, 6’1”, 205lbs, outspoken, outgoing, very loving, looking for SF, who is not afraid of commitment, is loving and caring. ☎406726 LET’S CHAT SWM, 53, Scorpio, N/S, college-educated, easygoing, enjoys travel and beaches. Seeking friendship, possible LTR with a WF, 45-55, N/S. ☎358466 KEEP IT SIMPLE SWM, 45, carpenter, enjoys travel, sports, fishing, dancing, music, playing cards. Seeking SF, who enjoys the same. ☎343229 SEEKING BBW SWM, 41, 6’, black/green, enjoys reading, movies, dining out, travel, dancing, quiet times. Seeking queen-size female, with a heart to match, for love and romance. ☎325398 SEEKING TRUE LOVE Handsome SBM, 39, compassionate, financially secure, seeks romantic, attractive, compassionate BF, 21-45, for romantic dinners, movies, walks along the beach, true friendship, LTR. You won’t be disappointed. ☎920361 SAY YOU, SAY ME SWM, 25, 5’10”, 165lbs, medium build, brown/blue, Gemini, N/S, outgoing, energetic, seeks WF, 19-28, for friendship, possible LTR. ☎302503 YOU SUPPLY... the marshmallows. I’ll supply the bonfire, SWM, 36, truck driver, Aries, N/S, loves camping. Seeking a woman, 40-58. ☎316730 JUST YOUR AVERAGE GUY SWM, 37, N/S, likes motorcycles, fishing, camping, farming, relaxing weekends. Seeking SWF, 25-40, to join me on life’s journey. ☎287476 WOULD YOU BE MY GIRL? Light-skinned SBM, 20, 5’8”, short/brown, likes going to movies and more. Seeking single lady, 18-30, who’d like to be my girl. ☎275833 ENJOY LIFE WITH ME! SM, 52, wants to meet a fun-loving woman, 3548, who is easy to get along with, likes sports, music, and more. ☎282853 MY DREAM GIRL SM, 29, 5’8’’, likes basketball. Looking for a female, 25-40, who enjoys going out and having a nice time! ☎274284 EARLY RETIREMENT SM, 63, works part time, deep sense of spiritual conviction, loves the Bible, fellowship, life. Searching for similar woman, 45-56. ☎279329 LET’S FALL IN LOVE SM, 25, enjoys travel, movies, writing. Looking for a good woman, 25-42, who shares some of these interests. ☎281603 LET’S DO LUNCH SBM, 28, Leo, homeowner, entrepreneur, attractive, seeks friendship with average, every day woman, 20-40. Have your heart talk to mine. ☎270867 SOCCER LOVER SHM, 21, 190lbs, loves to play soccer. Seeking a woman with a good personality. ☎250070 TRUE FRIENDSHIP Handsome SBM, 40, with a compassionate nature, seeks a S/DBF, 43-50, with the same qualities for a passionate relationship. ☎200917

CHEF/PIANIST 6’, 190lbs, brown/blue, handsome, amateur psychologist, nice car, time off to travel, will send photo. Seeks pretty female companion, 26-39, no kids, light smoker/drinker okay. ☎882215 IF YOU’RE READING THIS... why not give me a call? SWCM, 19, 6’, 185lbs, brown/blue, relaxed attitude, Capricorn, N/S, seeks WF, 19-25, N/S, for possible LTR. ☎938173 LET’S GET IN TOUCH! SWM, 20, Cancer, smoker, enjoys fishing, hunting, walking, playing games. Seeking older woman, 30-60, for possible relationship. ☎888111 KNOCK-KNOCK, WHO’S THERE? Call me and find out. SWM, 34, Cancer, N/S, loves to tell jokes. Seeking WF, 25-39, N/S, for friendship and relationships. ☎775609 LET’S HOOK UP 34-year-old SBM, 5’9”, 180lbs, Aquarius, nurse, bald head, new to area, open-minded, fun-loving, hopeless romantic. Seeking woman who loves to be romanced. ☎849401 EARLY XMAS GIFT Very romantic SBM, 31, 6’1”, 255lbs, Scorpio, N/S, enjoys church, dining out, cooking. Seeking stable SBF, 25-35, for friendship first, leading to something long-term. ☎837718

LONG-TERM RELATIONSHIP Senior SWM seeks sincere, honest SWM, 2545, to share home and lifestyle. Many interests including gardening, cooking, arts and crafts, travel, camping. ☎294303 ENJOYS ALL THAT LIFE HAS GWM, 40, shaved head, goatee, Pisces, smoker, seeks very special, attractive, strong, funloving GBM, 30-50, for dating, possible LTR. ☎257126 NASCAR FAN SWM, 38, 6’1”, 190lbs, brown/green, is goodlooking and masculine. Seeking a man who is also masculine and enjoys going for drinks and RVing. ☎250111 100% LAID-BACK SBM, 35, 5’11”, brown skin, dark brown eyes, Virgo, smoker, bookworm, loves tv. Seeking masculine, spontaneous BM, 30-45, smoker. ☎958192 WHAT’S HAPPENING? SWM, 30, 5’7”, 200lbs, brown/blue, Aries, N/S, seeks BM, 19-35, N/S, outgoing, for friendship first, possible LTR. ☎958402 YOU CAN MAKE MY DAY Male, 60, Cancer, N/S, seeks a WM, 49-65, N/S, for casual relationship. Why not call me? ☎927707 DOESN’T PLAY GAMES Unattached GBM, 41, interested in meeting open-minded, fun-loving, honest, truthful, compassionate and loyal GM for LTR. ☎920995

Men Seeking Men

BE YOURSELF Honest, caring SM, 47, 5’10”, 220lbs, seeks outgoing, ambitious, down-to-earth man, to share friendship, fun times and maybe more. ☎895468 CALL ME SM, 33, dark blonde/blue, medium build, outgoing, fun, enjoys movies, dining, time with friends. Seeking spontaneous, fun-loving man, to share friendship and more. ☎481551 YOU NEVER KNOW Fun-loving, easygoing GWM, 51, 5’11”, 198lbs, enjoys cooking, movies, fishing, walking. Seeking interesting GWM, 18-33, who’s full of life, for casual relationship, possibly more. ☎676662 BOY NEXT DOOR SAM, 27, 5’9”, 147lbs, Sagittarius, smoker, seeks WM, 25-45, who enjoys fun times and a true friendship. ☎456425 SEEKING THE REAL THING BM, 32, 5’8”, 200lbs, enjoys reading, cooking, dining out, movies, spending quality time at home. Seeking WM, 25-35, who has similar interests, and wants a long-term, monogamous relationship. ☎389698 I KNOW WHERE IT’S AT SBM, 25, practical yet fun, outgoing, Aquarius, smoker, seeks a masculine, alluring, wellrounded BM, 23-45, smoker, with his priorities in order. ☎695448 LET’S MEET FOR COFFEE Good-looking GWM, 36, 6’, 200lbs, muscular, tan, enjoys working out, yard work, spending time with my dogs. Looking for attractive SM, 32-48, for dating, maybe leading to LTR. ☎436231 ME IN A NUTSHELL WM, 18, brown/blue, medium build, looking for fun, outgoing, energetic guy, 18-30, for movies, hanging out, quiet evenings at home, and more. Friends first, maybe becoming serious. ☎425471 LET’S GET CRAZY SWM, 35, 6’1”, with green eyes, is in search of a man to get together with, and share good times. ☎384239 NICE PERSONALITY A MUST SM, 29, 5’7’’, moustache and goatee, seeks down-to-earth, nice, masculine, real man, 2730, for friends, possible LTR. ☎280741 COULD IT BE YOU AND ME? GWM, 24, enjoys quiet evenings, movies, quiet evenings at home, dining out. Seeking fun, outgoing GM, with similar interests, for friendship, possible LTR. ☎471342

How do you

IT’S YOUR CALL GWM, young 46, 5’11”, 200lbs, brown/brown, masculine, outgoing, enjoys travel, dining out, movies, shopping, Nascar. Would like to meet honest, passionate GM, with similar interests, for dating, possible LTR. Serious inquiries only. ☎792384 LOOKING FOR LOVE GWM, 41, 5’8’, 140lbs, Pisces, enjoys fishing, television, wood working, gardening, arts, crafts. Seeking GWM, 25-45, for friendship first, possible LTR. ☎705204 BEYOND SWM, 32, 5’11”, 155lbs, light hair, looking for good time with GM, 18-45, ☎966003

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Women Seeking Women

I WON’T LET YOU DOWN Single GBF, 32, mother, non-smoker, looking to become acquainted with a laid-back, sensual GBF, who enjoys quiet times, movies. Interested? ☎910581 IS IT YOU? SGF, 42, soft stud, loves movies, cuddling, traveling, plays, comedy. Seeking feminine Christian female, compassionate and understanding, with like interests, to share friendship, good times and maybe something more. ☎487095 SEEKING A RELATIONSHIP GBF, 24, enjoys dancing, sports, movies, music, quiet evenings. seeks goal-oriented GPF, 24-33, who knows what she wants. ☎474251 ENDLESS POSSIBILITIES SBF, 30, 5’5”, with brown eyes, seeks a woman, 30-36, to hang out with, get to know, and see where it goes. ☎380595 HAVE A GOOD TIME SB mom of two, 35, wishes to spend time, conversations, friendship and life with a great lady. ☎458794 WHY WAIT? SWF, 38, 5’6”,140lbs, short brown hair, easygoing, enjoys playing golf, the beach. Seeking feminine female, 20-40, to have fun times and more. ☎448489 GOAL ORIENTED Intelligent, happy, attractive SBF, 23, student, seeks similar SBF, 24-40, N/S, for all that life has to offer. ☎411842 LOVES CHILDREN Easygoing, nice SF, 32, looking for someone with the same qualities, 29-39, and a people person. ☎388943 OPEN-MINDED CHIC Broken-hearted GWF, 30, Libra, smoker, seeks woman, 20-45, to mend my heart. Let’s not be afraid of who we are. ☎370110 “EVERYONE’S BEST FRIEND” GWF, 26, 5’6”, medium build, likes watching movies, bowling, hanging out, malls, phone conversations. Seeking fun-loving, seriousminded GWF, 22-35, medium build, for friendship and possibly more. ☎335046 A REFRESHING CHANGE SWF, 30, Libra, smoker, is hoping to find it in a woman, 25-45. Will show a lot of a affection. ☎307177

WELL-ROUNDED GWPF, 24, 4’11”, brown/brown, loves animals, movies, dancing, travel, dining out, sports, conversation. Seeking GF, with similar interests, for friendship, possible LTR. ☎329740 BEAUTIFUL AND FEMININE GWF, 32, 5’7”, 135lbs, enjoys reading, movies, dining out, travel, sports, music, movies. Seeking GWF, 25-39, with similar interests, for friendship, possible LTR. ☎329063 AVID READER Quiet SF, 24, part-time student, into all types of music, especially oldies, pets, writing poetry. Seeking a female, 24-40, with same interests. ☎283861 BUILDING A FUTURE Hard-working, mechanically inclined SBF, 46, loves to build and rebuild. Seeing female who prefers the home life and knows what she wants from life. ☎120569 LOOKING FOR LOVE SBF, 32, 140lbs, 5’8”, down-to-earth, likes clubs, movies, and quiet times. Looking for a female, 30-35, with the same interests. If you’re the one, call me. Aiken, South Carolina. ☎113533 LIKE MALLS & MOVIES? Feminine BiBF, 25, 5’4”, 145lbs, short hair, Sagittarius, smoker, loves movies and tv. Seeking another feminine woman, 18-30, with whom to hang out and chat. ☎958642 OUTGOING FUN WF, 28... 5’3”, medium build, loves movies, putt-putt golf, and bowling. Seeking WF, 25-40, medium build, for fun and friendship. Hope to hear from you soon. ☎958847 MAN FOR ALL SEASONS GBF, 31, 5’6”, brown/brown, Cancer, smoker, enjoys kids, bowling. Seeking open-minded, passionate, understanding GBF, 23-45, for LTR. ☎941850 NO INTRO NEEDED SWF, 39, 5’7”, 145lbs, homeowner, easygoing, selfless, Taurus, smoker, loves movies and bowling. Seeking WF, 35-49, with comparable interests. ☎935299 A GOOD HEART SF, 39, goes to church, works for a living, likes having fun, going on trips. Seeking a similar female, 37-49. ☎780112 GIVE ME A RING Cute SBF, 30-something, seeks attractive SF, 25-45, for friendship, maybe more. No games. ☎965825 WASTE NO TIME GBF, 36, enjoys dining out, cooking, dining out. Seeking attractive, open-minded, fun, nice GF, 25-45, for friendship and possibly more. ☎965823

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HOPE 2 HEAR FROM YOU SF, 28, N/S, down-to-earth, humorous, caring and understanding, passion for dancing, sports, movies. Seeking loving, active CALL FOR LTR late 20s, 5’6”, 140lbs, employed, sports enthusiast looks gentleman, to share the good times in life. ☎347162 SWJF, for a smart SM for LOVING LIFE friendship and more.

SAF, 20, self-employed, home owner, enjoys boating, fishing, parting. Seeking SM, 18-22, N/S, for LTR.

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Equipment

READINGS BY

Golf Clubs: Nike Drivey, 9.5 degree stiff graphite $140; Top Flight Irons, S.S. rifle shots $140. Also callaway woods. Les 860-3387 (08/14#8133) –––––––––––––––––––––––––––––––––––– Black Jump Boots. Never Worn. $25.00 706798-7954 (07/24#8115) –––––––––––––––––––––––––––––––––––– Regency Crystal Police Scanner. Base or mobile, receives Aiken County agencies. $35.00. 706-798-7954. (07/17#8112) –––––––––––––––––––––––––––––––––––– Bedroom Suite, dresser, chest of drawers & headboard. All 3 pieces $50.00 912-829-3226 or 912-829-4556 (07/10#8105) –––––––––––––––––––––––––––––––––––– Snap-On IM51 Air Impact Wrench, 1/2” drive, good condition, $75.00. National Detroit DA Air Sander, good condition, $60.00 Ask for Larry (813)391-9580. (07/10#8106) –––––––––––––––––––––––––––––––––––– Tons of Cloth! All types/pat terns good grade material. Will sell all for $35.00, 912-829-3226 or 912-829-4556 (07/10#8104) –––––––––––––––––––––––––––––––––––– Dining Room Table - Never used, rectangular solid light wood. Seats 4-6, paid $200.00, sell for $75.00 OBO. Silver Sony CD Car Stereo, w/ remote, paid $200.00, sell for $75.00 OBO. 706-799-0417. (06/26#8083)) –––––––––––––––––––––––––––––––––––– Black Magnum Lace up Boots. New, never worn. Per fect for public safety officers. Sizes 9 1/2 and 10. $30.00 each. 706-798-7954. (06/26#8084) –––––––––––––––––––––––––––––––––––– Genuine English (Raleigh) Lightweight ladies touring bike. Very good condition. $35.00, needs new tires, call Maddie 860-4745. (06/12#8073) –––––––––––––––––––––––––––––––––––– GE Refrigerater, runs great, looks OK, $35.00 Delivery available ex tra charge. Call 706-7931563. (06/12#8071)

Club Argos Welcomes Lady Chablis This Friday Night!

R E A D I N G S

341 S. Belair Rd.

WOLFF TANNING BEDS

Open from 9 a.m. til 9 p.m. Call (706) 733-5851

AFFORDABLE • CONVIENENT Tan At Home Payments From $25/month FREE Color-Catalog Call Today 1-800-842-1305 (06/12#8100)

Private Investigators RAY WILLIAMSON & ASSOCIATES Private Investigations 17 years experience Domestic Relations and Child Custody Cases Licensed and Bonded in Georgia & Carolina 706-854-9672 or 706-854-9678 fa x (06/05#8121)

Turn Your “Trash” Into Cash!

Alt. Lifestyles

Mrs. Graham, Psychic Reader, Advises on all affairs of life, such as love, marriage, and business. She tells your past, present and future. Mrs. Graham does palm, tarot card, and crystal readings. She specializes in relationships and reuniting loved ones.

Sell your unwanted items or advertise your garage or yard sale in The Metropolitan Spirit Classifieds.

Call 738-1142 We accept VISA or Mastercard. *And remember ... one person’s trash is another man’s treasure.

Full Body Massage! Therapeutic tension relief, intense or tender touch, rela xing music, aromatherapy, by appointment only - $49.00/hr Call Joy - 706-771-9470 or John - 706-868-5598 (06/12#8120)

Bhakti Yoga

Now at Sacred Space 206 8th St. (706) 556-8490

Real Estate Business For Sale Income Proper ty in Wadley, Ga Gameroom & Family Cafe, Both Rented. Six 1-room furnished apar tments, Four rented. Assessed at over $100,000. Make of fer, willing to negotiate. 478-237-5986 (07/03#8132)

Club Argos Dance Club & The Tower of Argos Leather Bar Augusta’s Premier Progressive House Dance & Entertainment Zone with DJ Joe Steel.

The Shack ... You’ll Be Back Monday-Sunday Happy Hour 8pm-1am $2 Long necks $2 Wells

1923 Walton Way • Open Mon-Fri for Happy Hour @ 6:00pm with $1 off everything. Every Fri & Sat Garage Party from 9-10 with all drinks only $1 (Everything only $1)

Fri Sat Sun

Wed Garage Dance Party Thu

Karaoke Dance Party with DJ Joe Steel

Fri

We welcome the Lady Chablis from the Movie Midnight in the Garden of Good and Evil

Sat Fri, Fri, Fri, Fri,

Argos Angels’ Cabaret June 13 June 20 June 27 July 4

DJ Chip DJ Buckwheat Karaoke 8-12 with DJ Joe

Sasha Sundays Her showcast is not just Drag it’s pure talent. Her special guest June 15

Cher

COMING EVENTS

performed by the talented

Claire Storm

Lady Chablis Mr. Club Argos Goth Night Mr. Georgia USA

Show starts at 12:30 am Come let us entertain you.

(803) 441-0053 425 Carolina Springs Rd North Augusta, SC

Every weekend come see who is dancing in the cages! Argos welcomes Gay, Lesbian, Bi, BDSM, Swingers, TVTS & all openminded patrons

Call us @ 481-8829 or email us at ClubArgos@aol.com

Resort Rentals Amelia Island, Florida 2 Bedroom 2 bath direct ocean front condo in the hear t of historical Fernandina Beach, Florida. A convenient location without the crowds. 736-7070 -----------560-8980 (06/12#8122)

Travel

Come have fun where the party doesn’t end!

THE COLISEUM

Premier Entertainment Complex & High Energy Dance Music Friday, 6/13 Hot Male Strippers Hollywood Hunks Saturday, 6/14 Miss Melinda’s Birthday Bash w/ Lauren Alexander COMING EVENTS Friday, 6/20 Venus - Goddess of Love Friday, 6/27 Mr. Augusta CSRA Pride 2003 Contest

Drink Specials: WED $9 Wet N' Wild SAT All You Can Drink Well/Liquor/Draft $9

Open Mon-Fri 8pm-3am Sat 8pm-2:30am

Fri & Sat. No Cover Before 10 p.m. 1632 Walton Way • Augusta, GA

706-733-2603

Email: ColiseumAugusta@aol.com

Religion Metropolitan Community Church of Our Redeemer A Christian Church reaching to all: including Gay, Lesbian, and Transgendered Christians. Meeting at 311 Seventh Street, 11 am and 7 pm each Sunday. 722-6454 MCCAugusta@aol.com www.mccoor.com

Wheels

Dead Bodies Wanted

We want your dead junk or scrap car bodies. We tow away and for some we pay. 706/829-2676

706/798-9060

M E T R O S P I R I T

Miscellaneous For Sale

SPECIAL READINGS WITH CARD

Help Wanted

Call 738-1142 to place your Classified ad today!

Mind, Body & Spirit MRS. GRAHAM

C A R D

Call 738-1142 to place your Classified ad today!

J U N E 1 2 2 0 0 3

This Saturday Night

A Lingerie and Pajama Party The ultimate summer lingerie party is here! DJ Richie Rich will be providing the sexiest mix of music ever heard at the sexiest party Augusta has ever witnessed. Guys and Girls … don’t be shy … come on out in your most daring bedroom attire and prepare to party. It will be a Victoria’s Secret catalog come to life!

Ladies enjoy complimentary cocktails til 10pm. Lingerie Fashion Show by Lucy’s Love Shop. Door prizes for the most daring guy & girl. Complimentary chocolates & strawberries.

for vip and seating reservations, rsvp @ 706.303.9700 • 813 broad • www.modjeskalounge.com