Metro Spirit 06.30.2011 by Metro Spirit

HERE ON THE FLIGHT PATH by Norm Foster

Announcing our hilarious summer show, HERE ON THE FLIGHT PATH, by Norm Foster. This play is guaranteed to make you laugh! It is a riotous look at a wouldbe ladies man’s relationships with three attractive women. For John Cummings, living in a big city building on the edge of an airport, the coming and going of jet planes is simply a metaphor for the way life flies by. When you don’t grab tomorrow by the tail, you’re left on the edge of the runway, on the outskirts of life. “Fresh and hilarious. The one-liners fly by at top-gun speed.” - London Free Press

SHOW DATES

July 15, 16, 22, 23, 28, 29, 30 Dinner, 7:00 p.m. | Show, 8:00 p.m.

MENU Cod with Roasted Garlic and Lemon • Chicken Marsala • Teriyaki London Broil Lemon Rice • Squash Casserole • Vegetable Medley • Roasted Red Potatoes House Salad with Cranberries • Dinner Rolls • Deluxe Dessert Table • Coffee • Iced Tea

Civilians: $40 | Seniors (65 & over), Retirees, DA Civilians, Active-Duty E7 & above: $38 | Active-Duty E6 & below: $30 | Show only: $25

For reservations, call 706.793.8552

Produced in cooperation with The Army Entertainment Program and Dramatists Play Service. Some adult humor. Rated PG-15.

table of contents whine line

- tom tomorrow

- thumbs up, thumbs down

insider

metro

- feature

are you not entertained

- calendar

- athfest review

- augusta tek

- the8

- art45

- sightings

- jenny is wright

- crisp

- nytimes crossword

- free will astrology

slab

- eardrum

- the download

- ball

-advice goddess

-austin rhodes

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4 METRO SPIRIT 6.30.11

whineLINE Build the Rifkin stadium, with all of its bottle neck traffic, harsh lighting, noise,chaos and crime to downtown, far away from his majesty Mayor Dekes’ Conifer Place, peace, comfort and saftey. I fart in your general direction. I just heard that George Clooney broke up with his latest girlfriend. Gee, that seems like about 100 girlfriends over the past decade, doesn’t it? Maybe he’s not married because his mindset is like mine. He refuses to go through “emasculation boot-camp” so he can recieve his one and only prize - a oneway ticket to “Eunuch-ville”. Isn’t it costing the taxpayers money to have Fred Russell draw up a financing plan for this nebulous stadium idea? Last time I checked, the city administrator was a county employee, and I’m assuming all of these negotiations and drafts will occur “on the clock.” Can’t we just wait until the team owners have a concrete proposal and then go from there? Before I consent to a Baseball park, I would like to know what happened to my tax dollars that went missing from the Tax Office. Austin Rhodes must have missed Politifact’s 2010 Lie of the year Award because he regurgitated the infamous falsehood in his column last week when he wrote Obamacare was a government takeover of health care. Where’s the janitor with a mop and some disinfectent? Nice article on the “Blondes in broadcasting” from last week - NOT!

I didn’t even know that “non-blondes” existed in broadcasting. What’s up with the ubiquitous proliferation of blondes in todays media? It’s simple - image and appearance trumps talent and skill in todays market (and that also holds true to many other professions) . Broadcasting today is more sensationalism and promotion than true journalism. In other words - the days of Water Cronkite and Edward Rosco Murrow are long gone! I can’t wait for next weeks article on broadcasting - you know, “Black women in broadcasting with non-Afro, straight hairstyles mirroring those of white women”. Oh, and by the way, on page 10 you had a picture of three blonde anchors sitting side by side by side. Do you know what that’s called? A wind tunnel! Bada - bing ! P.S. Feel free to forward my “whine” to WAGT’s Liz Hill so she can queue up like all the others for a date with the alpha-male. How many columns has Austin Rhodes written defending the words of his right-wing-talk overlords? Lots, I think. If Limbaugh, Imus or now Boortz spew out questionable rhetoric, Rhodes is quick at the keyboard to tell us why what they said is OK. Here’s the thing: those guys are all big boys, and they can (and do) defend themselves. What’s more, they’ve got a forum ready-made for just that sort of thing. They don’t need your help. Maybe it’s in the talkshow bylaws that whenever a syndicated host says something stupid that the local guys have to rally to the cause. But maybe try this: instead of rushing to the defense of those who don’t need it; of those who have a voice and the infrastructure to broadcast it--maybe instead speak for those who don’t have the means to speak for themselves.

whineline@themetrospirit.com Except you can’t, I guess. Because that would make y ou a liberal. Fact. OK people. Stop taking Dr. Azziz’s statement of Augusta not being cool enough so personally. We need more people like him to start the conversation about those things that hold Augusta back overall - such as high crime rate, high homeless population, backward’s thinking County Commission, etc. And admit it, there are elements of truth to what he says. The truth can be painful at times.

In response to the resident in summerville.Move,i live in columbia county.I had the pleasure of meeting one of the deputies,didnt do wrong but my van broke down.He went out of his way to make sure my van was out of harms way,and took me to where i was going ,which was close.Thats what i call public service.Wasnt going to say,but have heard richmond county on the scanner saying,we are not a TAXI SERVICE. Taxes pay for that gas you use to go wash your patrol car.Iwas one of you so dont even go there.

up THUMBS

During Sandra Self’s time as executive director of Symphony Orchestra Augusta, the organization began spending more time in local schools, expanded into neighboring communities, led a push to turn the Miller Theatre into a downtown performing arts theater and hired new music director Shizuo Z Kuwahara. Self’s resignation is effective July 1 and her presence will be sorely missed.

down THUMBS

Augusta hosted the USA Cycling Championships last week. Great! Too bad so many people downtown were bitching about the street closures.

METRO SPIRIT 6.30.11 5

whineLINE continued...

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It is with great sadness that I write to inform you that the Build Brigade scheduled for June24th at Knob Hill for SFC Sean Gittens and his family has been cancelled. Despite initial approval from the Knob Hill Home Owners Association and the requisite permits, HOA President Rick Trump has informed us the Knob Hill Board of Directors initiated the issuance of a cease and desist order on our plans and decided they do not want HFOT to build our home for the Gittens family in their community. The reason cited was they feel the home will decrease homeowner property values. You should know that our home meets the size criteria in their property guidelines. Over the past few months, we have worked very closely to modify our home plan to meet requirements the

HOA requested, and we hoped they would act in good faith once we met their conditions. This is the first time throughout the entire United States that a community has not welcomed a Homes for Our Troops home for a severely injured veteran. However shocking this is, I can assure you that the Knob Hill Home Owners Association is not representative of the way most American feel about wounded veterans. It appears that we must now move ahead to find another location, and a community who will be supportive and welcome this military family into their neighborhood. We ask all of our supporters to remain committed to this family as we move forward to making their dream come true.

INSI ER INSIDER@THEMETROSPIRIT.COM

Insider is an anonymous, opinion-based examination of the hidden details of Augusta politics and personalities.

Summer Reruns…

Summer vacations make for slow news weeks, but our old favorites never disappoint. Dr. Ricardo Azziz of MCGHSU predictably made another less-thanpolitic statement in the press and the Augusta Commission has decided to continue looking at financing a new stadium for the Augusta GreenJackets, albeit not necessarily tied to the Golf and Gardens property this time. Some things never change. Still, like summer reruns and a greatest hits album, some topics just need to be played again. Here we go.... Azziz published a column in the daily this past Sunday in which he stated, “If GHSU grows, we all do; if it does not, then it is very likely that our city will not either.” Undeniably, MCGHSU is an important and key segment in the healthcare, employment, economic and cultural composition of our city. Everyone who cares about Augusta and its residents wants to see MCGHSU thrive and prosper, but such dramatic statements really don’t help to engender the feelings of affection that long-term residents of our city have always had for the state’s flagship medical education facility.

While we all love MCGHSU, Azziz, there are other employers and institutions in this city and Augusta probably wouldn’t dry up and blow into the river if MCGHSU expanded into Athens at the cost of Augusta, as it is doing. The Insider would really like to see MCGHSU grow by the addition of at least one veteran public relations officer to shadow Azziz, write his speeches and press statements and spin his commentary. At last week’s full commission meeting, the commission passed a motion tasking staff to develop a financing package for a new GreenJackets baseball stadium, which apparently no one wants other than Matt Aitken, Cal Ripken and Mayor Deke (and Matt Aitken may not want it anymore if it’s not to be built on the river in his district), In the words of Commissioner Alvin Mason with regard to the stadium and financing proposals, “... quite frankly, I’m sick and tired of having it shoved down our throats.” How is any kind of public financing of a stadium going to not cost our government money? The Insider agrees with commissioner Mason completely on this subject.

Something to be Ashamed About The Knob Hill Property Owners Association has made the news for a dispute with the organization Homes For Our Troops, which constructs homes for disabled military veterans. The charitable organization says the neighborhood’s property owners association approved construction and then enjoined worked on the proposed building lot. The property owners association says that proper procedure was not followed and that approval was never granted. The prospective homeowners, SFC Sean Gittens and his wife Sharon, have decided they don’t want any part of it and have asked for the home to be built elsewhere, which is completely understandable The argument is now moot. Whether Homes For Our Troops failed to get the proper approvals or not, the Knob Hill Property Owners Association, and by extension all Knob Hill property owners and residents, have received a black eye over this situation. From a practical point of view, it’s not a good thing to turn down a wounded veteran on technicalities when he’s trying to house his family. It’s never going to be good press and you lose even if you’re right. And while on the subject, there were comments about how it would open the floodgates to others taking advantage of the loophole created by bending the rules for SFC Gittens. We are involved in the longest war in our history. Thanks to modern technology,

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our solders are surviving damage that in the past would certainly have cost lives. This is our generation’s Vietnam. As a country, and especially as a military town, we have to be prepared and welcoming to our wounded vets. Just think about 10 or 20 years down the road. The war will be a faint memory. The physical and mental damage our men and women have sustained will still be with us. We must demand tolerance and understanding in helping them regain their lives with dignity and our unyielding respect. So we bend a rule? Damn right we do. There is more to being patriotic than saying, “I’m patriotic.”

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metro Eric Johnson

Calming traffic

What the public wants and what the law requires are often two completely different things

Dennis Ellis, senior traffic engineering technician for the city of Augusta, has heard his share of intersection complaints. Stop signs. Stoplights. Everyone wants something. “They say, ‘Well, this is for our area,’ and that’s what they’re concerned with — what’s right in front of them,” he says. “That’s the way everybody is. You’re concerned with what’s immediately around you.” Because roads intersect people’s lives the way almost nothing else does, he

8 METRO SPIRIT 6.30.11

says such conflicts happen all the time. “There’s a lady who wants to turn Highland and Hillcrest or Highland and McDowell into a four-way stop,” he says with a bit of a chuckle. “Her reasoning is that there are so many pedestrians, but that’s really not possible.” He knows it’s not possible because he’s checked. He’s checked three times. “It doesn’t come close to meeting the requirements,” he says. “We’ve done it at least three times in the last year, but we can’t even get close to the numbers that the manual requires.”

He looked at traffic counts and pedestrian counts and accident numbers. “If they call and ask for it, we’ve got to go do it, even though we’ll tell them right up front it’s more than likely not going to meet any of the requirements,” he says. And not following the requirements can have disastrous repercussions in several different ways. “If we go ahead and make it a fourway stop even though it doesn’t meet the requirements, at some point you might as well start making every intersection

a four-way stop, because you’ll have no basis for saying no,” he says. “If we were to go ahead and do that, I’d say within 30 minutes we’d probably have 50 requests.” The requirements come from a volume called the Manual of Uniform Traffic Control Devices. It’s a federal volume that each state adopts if they want to get federal funding for their roads. “It’s our Bible,” he says, “and each state views this book — and it’s a very large book — as law.” Commissioners, of course, don’t always

like to be told what to do, which is why occasionally they don’t look at the “law” as law, and then there are headaches of a different sort. “As long as they write the order and they’re willing to accept responsibility, we have no choice but to do it,” Ellis says. “But there are a lot of sharp lawyers out there, and what happens when you do that… if there’s an accident and their client is going to fight, they’re going to

come to us and ask us to produce the study that said this is warranted. If we can’t, Mr. Russell’s just going to send a lawyer with a checkbook to court.” While it’s only happened a few times, Ellis says the times were memorable. “With one exception they saw the folly of their ways real quick,” he says. “Three were removed within an hour of being done.” Within an hour? Really?

“All we did was whatever commissioner signed off on it, we gave them their home phone number and their business phone number,” he says. He says that for roads like the particular section of Highland the woman was worried about, they’ll often use tape rumble strips to let drivers know that an intersection is approaching. “Normally, we would do it with concrete or asphalt, but that’s right

in the heart of a residential area, and that’s all we need to do is wait for it to get quiet and they’ll start hearing the buwapbuwapbuwap all night long,” he says. “That really wouldn’t last long.”

Saving Old Yeller

Local researcher works to save link to the past. The way-gone past.

Dr. I. Lehr Brisbin of the Savannah River Ecology Laboratory wants to buy a graduate student. He says that if someone would buy him a graduate student, his research into the Carolina Dog, a primitive dog that found its way to our area, would be much easier. “That’s what you need to do,” he says matter of factly. “You write a check to the UGA Research Foundation for $30,000 for the two-year support of a master’s level graduate student in molecular genetics.” With that, he says, the sky’s the limit. It’s a little more complicated than that, he admits, but a grad student would certainly help. Grad student or not, what Brisbin wants to do is research the genetic makeup of the Carolina Dogs and compare them with other free-ranging dogs. He thinks some of the Carolina Dogs he’s trapped could be old from old stock. Really old stock. “On these certain large pieces of protected land like SRS or Fort Gordon or Fort Stewart there are still dogs there that retain characteristics and genetic traits of the original dogs that crossed the Bearing land bridge with primitive man 14,000 years ago,” he says. “These would be the dogs that were here to greet the Spanish.” Not only do these Carolina Dogs look like the dogs depicted in ancient cave paintings and on pottery, they look like the dogs documented by the first Spanish to encounter Native Americans. “These were the primitive village dogs of the Native Americans,” Brisbin says. They also happen to be dead ringers for Australian Dingos. “Wherever there were European dogs and civilization, the original dog got hybridized,” he says. “So the hypothesis would say that, if that is true, the place to look for the original type of dog is out at a place like the Savannah River Ecology Lab, where there is a swamp and woods and no Dalmatians or German Shepherds. METRO SPIRIT 6.30.11 9

mouth. They pulled their burden.” As for how many are in the wild, he suspects the numbers are going down, because time is robbing them of the big, protected tracts of land. “If it weren’t for me and the Savannah River Site and what we call the Lowcountry between the Savannah River and Charleston, there wouldn’t be much habitat left around here,” he says. After 25 years studying the breed, he says he has strong feelings about them and certainly wants them to thrive. “You can pay $3,500 for a Carolina Dog,” he says. “Or you can get one from me for free. I am absolutely opposed to charging money for Carolina Dogs. They’re a legacy.” While free does mean free (though he’ll certainly accept a donation made out to the University of Georgia Research Foundation), it doesn’t mean there are no strings attached. “You can’t neuter it unless I agree,” he says. “I don’t want you turning around and selling them for a profit, and I want you to keep in touch.” Because perpetuating the breed is so important to him, he is requesting animal shelters make an exception to their spay and neuter policy when it comes to Carolina Dogs. “Often, we’ll find a perfect dog, but we can’t get it from the shelters without

The lab is the research unit of the University of Georgia. It’s located at the Department of Energy’s Savannah River Site and takes advantage of the secured environment to research many aspects of the natural world that would be difficult, if not impossible, to study elsewhere. While the Carolina Dogs have a distinct look, Brisbin says they also demonstrate unique behavior. “When you bring these dogs into captivity, they just act differently,” he says. “For one thing, they cover their droppings with sand by pushing the sand over the droppings with their noses, not their back paws.” Though not recognized by the American Kennel Club, the breed is recognized by the United Kennel Club, which is the second largest dog registry. Only 200 to 300 Carolina Dogs are officially registered, though there are independent breeders who don’t bother with Brisbin’s stud book, and while conventional logic would suggest that something so feral would not make a good pet, he says the opposite is actually true. “They weren’t coyotes or wolves, they were dogs 14,000 years ago, and they were following people across the land bridge,” he says. “When it got cold in the winter, they would come into the tepee to keep people warm. They barked at the cave

signing the contract that we’ll neuter,” he says. “That makes it difficult when we’re trying to save a relic of the old South.”

Go rent “Old Yeller” he says, and you’ll start to get the picture.

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n e w s

o f

t h e

WEIRD

When a strain of equine herpes led to a temporary quarantine at horse farms in central Utah, the sponsors of the Davis County Mounted Posse Junior Queen contest in May, instead of canceling the competition in which the cowgirls show their skills on horseback, decided to conduct the show except with the girls “riding” stick “ponies” to get style points. Former queen Savanna Steed told KSLTV the change would be good because it would better test riders’ knowledge of the routines instead of their relying on their horses to make the moves. Latest Religious Messages India’s Ganges River has become famously polluted, in part by reverent Hindu pilgrims who toss “offerings” (such as clothing, statues and the cremated ashes of loved ones) into it in hope of prosperous lives and holy afterlives. Hindu immigrants in New York City, without access to the Ganges, have called upon Jamaica Bay as a stand-in. The formerly quiet waters adjacent to JFK International Airport now ebb and flow with similar offerings that ultimately litter the bay’s federal recreation area shoreline. Hindu community leaders in New York, with only mixed success, constantly urge greater environmental sensitivity. From time to time, clever rabbis suggest ways of bypassing ancient Talmudic laws that restrict observant Jews’ behavior on the Sabbath (a day of “rest”). In April, Rabbi Dror Fixler, an electro-optics expert from Bar-Ilan University in Israel, said he could foresee a day when even driving a car might be permitted on the Sabbath. The driver would wear an encephalography helmet that could catch brain signals and transmit them to a car’s operating and steering system, removing the need for “action” on the driver’s part (thus theoretically leaving him “at rest”).

The Continuing Crisis Tokyo’s Kajimoto Laboratory has created a tongue-kissing machine to enable lovers to suck face over the Internet, according to a May CNN report. At separate locations, the pair place special straws in their mouths and mimic a deep kiss, which is recorded and transmitted to each other’s straws. Researcher Nobuhiro Takahashi sees profit in “celebrity” tongue-kissing applications, but said more work is needed to establish individual taste, breathing and tongue moistness. The Columbus, Ohio, school board accepted principal Kimberly Jones’ resignation in May following revelations by The Columbus Dispatch that she, though earning $90,000 a year, swore on federal forms that she made $25,000 so that her two children would qualify for reducedprice school lunches. Questionable Judgments Principal Terry Eisenbarth apologized at Washington Elementary School in Mount Vernon, Iowa, in May and promised to stop his ritual “whammies,” in which he summons kids on their birthdays to his office, sings “Happy Birthday” to them, and ceremonially spanks the child’s backside with a cushioned hockey stick (with the number of whacks equaling the child’s age). Creme de la Weird In May, based on five women’s complaints, Virginia Beach, Va., police arrested restaurateur Henry Fitzsimmons, 54, for abduction and sexual assault for harshly beating them as punishment for violating the terms of a “scholarship.” The women claim that Fitzsimmons is a devotee of the “Spencer Plan” of orderly discipline, in which contracting parties adhere to agreed-on roles but at a cost of being physically disciplined if they fail. Fitzsimmons denied the assaults, pointing out that he had fired one of the women and that the other four were helping her retaliate. Least Competent Ryan Martin, 29, and Erica Clayburn, 20, were charged with reckless endangerment in Derry Township, Pa., in April after Martin was shot in the jaw. The couple was playing a game resembling “Marco Polo” with a loaded handgun, with an eyes-closed Clayburn firing when Martin shouted “Gun!” (Martin was supposed to duck out of the way before Clayburn pulled the trigger.)

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The Prez Sez

Who said “what” and who said nothing at all 1. Let me speak to that issue head on. There will be no recession in the United States of America. Primarily due to our energy crisis, our economy is passing through a difficult period. But I pledge to you tonight that the full powers of this government will be used to keep America’s economy producing and to protect the jobs of America’s workers. We are engaged in a long and hard fight against inflation. There have been, and there will be in the future, ups and downs in that fight. But if this Congress cooperates in our efforts to hold down the cost of government, we shall win our fight to hold down the cost of living for the American people. As we look back over our history, the years that stand out as the ones of signal achievement are those in which the administration and the Congress, whether one party or the other, working together, had the wisdom and the foresight to select those particular initiatives for which the nation was ready and the moment was right — and in which they seized the moment and acted. 2. And now to our troubles at home. They’re not all economic; the primary problem is our economy. There are some good signs. Inflation, that thief, is down. And interest rates are down. But unemployment is too high, some industries are in trouble, and growth is not what it should be. Let me tell you right from the start and right from the heart, I know we’re in hard times. But I know something else: This will not stand. 3. If the Middle East is to continue its geographic role of uniting rather than separating East and West; if its vast economic resources are to serve the wellbeing of the peoples there, as well as that of others; and if its cultures and religions and their shrines are to be preserved for the uplifting of the spirits of the peoples, then the United States must make more evident its willingness to support the independence of the freedom-loving nations of the area. 4. Our immediate priority must be to create jobs, create jobs now. Some people say, “Well, we’re in a recovery, and we don’t have to do that.” Well, we all hope we’re in a recovery, but we’re sure not creating new jobs. And there’s

12 METRO SPIRIT 6.30.11

no recovery worth its salt that doesn’t put the American people back to work. To create jobs and guarantee a strong recovery, I call on Congress to enact an immediate package of jobs investments of over $30 billion to put people to work now, to create a half a million jobs: jobs to rebuild our highways and airports, to renovate housing, to bring new life to rural communities, and spread hope and opportunity among our nation’s youth. Especially I want to emphasize, after the events of last year in Los Angeles and the countless stories of despair in our cities and in our poor rural communities, this proposal will create almost 700,000 new summer jobs for displaced, unemployed young people alone this summer. And tonight I invite America’s business leaders to join us in this effort so that together we can provide over one million summer jobs in cities and poor rural areas for our young people. 5. To build a prosperous future, we must trust people with their own money and empower them to grow our economy. As we meet tonight, our economy is undergoing a period of uncertainty. America has added jobs for a record 52 straight months, but jobs are now growing at a slower pace. Wages are up, but so are prices for food and gas. Exports are rising, but the housing market has declined. At kitchen tables across our country, there is a concern about our economic future. 6. I know that for many Americans watching right now, the state of our economy is a concern that rises above all others, and rightly so. If you haven’t been personally affected by this recession, you probably know someone who has: a friend, a neighbor, a member of your family. You don’t need to hear another list of statistics to know that our economy is in crisis, because you live it every day. It’s the worry you wake up with and the source of sleepless nights. It’s the job you thought you’d retire from but now have lost, the business you built your dreams upon that’s now hanging by a thread, the college acceptance letter your child had to put back in the envelope. The impact of this recession is real, and it is everywhere. But while our economy may be weakened and our confidence shaken, though we are living through difficult and uncertain times, tonight I want every American

METRO SPIRIT 6.30.11 13

TURN

to know this: We will rebuild, we will recover, and the United States of America will emerge stronger than before.

of the

7. So, let us, in these next two years — men and women of both parties, every political shade —concentrate on the long-range, bipartisan responsibilities of government, not the short-range or shortterm temptations of partisan politics. The problems we inherited were far worse than most inside and out of government had expected; the recession was deeper than most inside and out of government had predicted. Curing those problems has taken more time and a higher toll than any of us wanted. Unemployment is far too high. Projected federal spending — if government refuses to tighten its own belt — will also be far too high and could weaken and shorten the economic recovery now underway. This recovery will bring with it a revival of economic confidence and spending for consumer items and capital goods — the stimulus we need to restart our stalled economic engines. The American people have already stepped up their rate of saving, assuring that the funds needed to modernize our factories and improve our technology will once again flow to business and industry.

June 7, 2000

9. But the devastation remains. One in 10 Americans still cannot find work. Many businesses have shuttered. Home values have declined. Small towns and rural communities have been hit especially hard. And for those who’d already known poverty, life’s become that much harder. This recession has also compounded the burdens that America’s families have been dealing with for decades: the burden of working harder and longer for less, of being unable to save enough to retire or help kids with college.

In the feature, Brian Neill asked the loaded question that is still being asked 11 years later: Does South Augusta Really Suck? Again, Commissioner Andy Cheek takes center stage, commenting on the transient nature of the area. As Cheek says, “The squeaky wheel gets the grease,” which is why many zoning nightmares — trailers grandfathered into otherwise normallooking subdivisions, for example — have gone unchallenged in south Augusta for years. Those same infractions wouldn’t last a week, Cheek reasons, in most sections of west Augusta. Later, Cheek sounds off on the perception of south Augustans as whiners. “I kind of surveyed a bunch of different people… And they said one thing they wanted everybody to know is that most of us out here don’t feel like anybody’s stepchildren,” Cheek said. “We are independent thinkers and hard workers. It’s just a vocal few that claim stepchild status.”

Key 1. Richard Nixon State of the Union Address 1974

United States to carry out our foreign policy as a free and independent nation. America overseas is only as strong as America at home. The Secretary of Defense said recently, “The present deficiency of assured energy sources is the single surest threat... to our security and to that of our allies.”

Commissioner Lee Beard praised the two new commissioners for their hard work reviewing the county’s housing rehabilitation program. “I was going to commend the two commissioners for what they’ve done and bringing this to our attention,” Beard said. But Kuhlke saw the commissioners’ complaints in a completely different light. “I would like to say something,” he said, glancing down at Williams and Cheek at the other side of the room. “First of all, I don’t commend those two commissioners down there because I think they are interfering and micromanaging in this government. And I think it is total harassment on the part of some people on this commission toward the department heads. And I think it’s a shame and I think this government sees the effect of the harassment that is going on.” In Kuhlke’s opinion, Cheek and Williams were only hindering the county departments instead of correcting any problems the local government may be experiencing.

“I think we ought to let department heads handle their job,” Kuhlke said. “If they do something wrong, I think we need to get involved. But to get involved on a day-by-day basis is not what we were elected to do.”

2. George H.W. Bush State of the Union Address 1992

In this week’s edition, Stacey Eidson wrote about — surprise — conflict on the commission. In this case, the conflict involved the waves new commissioners Andy Cheek and Marion Williams were making regarding department heads. Not only did veteran Commissioner Bill Kuhlke not like it, he called them out.

9. Barack Obama State of the Union Address 2010

6. Barack Obama Address before a Joint Session of Congress 2009

8. Jimmy Carter Address to the Nation on Energy 1977

5. George W. Bush State of the Union 2008

7. Ronald Reagan State of the Union 1983

4. Bill Clinton Address Before a Joint Session of Congress 1993

14 METRO SPIRIT 6.30.11

A look back at the news the Metro Spirit was covering at the turn of the century

3. Dwight D. Eisenhower Eisenhower Doctrine 1957

8. This excessive importing of foreign oil is a tremendous and rapidly increasing drain on our national economy. It hurts every American family. It causes unemployment. Every $5 billion increase in oil imports costs us 200,000 American jobs. It costs us business investments. Vast amounts of American wealth no longer stay in the United States to build our factories and to give us a better life. It makes it harder for us to balance our federal budget and to finance needed programs for our people. It unbalances our nation’s trade with other countries. This year, primarily because of oil, our imports will be at least $25 billion more than all the American goods that we sell overseas. It pushes up international energy prices because excessive importing of oil by the United States makes it easier for foreign producers to raise their prices. It feeds serious inflationary pressures in our own economy. If this trend continues, the excessive reliance on foreign oil could make the very security of our nation increasingly dependent on uncertain energy supplies. Our national security depends on more than just our armed forces; it also rests on the strength of our economy, on our national will, and on the ability of the

CENTURY

Not for Self, But for Others

Augustaâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;s Oglethorpe statue reflects on Augusta, his life and the meaning of liberty

METRO SPIRIT 6.30.11 15

Photography: jWhite

The day I returned to Augusta, Feb. 6, 2003, was a cold, miserable, perfectly English kind of day. Reenactors in Colonial garb paraded by, an actor, Jim Garvey, pretended to be me and all around the newly cleared Augusta Common, dignitaries did what dignitaries have always done — tried to look interested and respectful and unfazed by the weather. Having been a dignitary myself, I realize with only the slightest irony how perfectly suited I am for that role now. Which isn’t to imply that any of us were insincere in our appreciation of the events of the day. After all, I had spent most of my life — especially the period they were honoring me for — giving myself to the greater good of my fellow Englishmen, while each member of Augusta Tomorrow paid nearly $4,000 over and above their monthly dues — a total of $100,000 — to put me here, their gift to the city. So we — all of us, including some members of the Friends of Oglethorpe and the Right Honourable Virginia Bottomley, Member of Parliament for South West Surrey — had reason to be respectful of the day. The inscription on the base calls me James Edward Oglethorpe, the founder of Georgia and the founder of Augusta, both of which I suppose I am, but the circumstances of my return being what they were, I’ve had ample time to consider the implications of my past. Time for contemplation, of course, is now a reality for me, not a luxury. That’s not a complaint. I am thrilled that the people of Augusta chose to honor me in such a way. I’m especially

16 METRO SPIRIT 6.30.11

pleased that sculptors Jeffery and Anna Koh Varilla chose to depict me as I was at the beginning rather than as the exalted general I later would become. And it pleases me that they put me here in the middle of the Common, a part of the city’s design that had always proved elusive. Though I have always received credit for downtown Augusta’s efficient grid design, the honest truth is that what it has become is quite different than what I dreamed it would be. In the original concept, Augusta was

to be exactly like Savannah — 40 town lots with a square. They were supposed to put public buildings on either end of the square, but that never happened, so as people moved further west, the streets naturally followed the growth. That square, that common ground, never materialized. At least not where and when it was supposed to be. Of course, the original town was laid out between what is now Fourth Street and Sixth Street, so where I am was, strictly speaking, along the Indian path that would later become the extended

Broad Street everyone knows. What’s now Fifth Street was called Center Street for obvious reasons. Being in this new Common the way I am puts me in contact with the people who have come to inhabit the land I worked so tirelessly to establish, and as I watch them walk by, I’m often reminded of the circumstances that brought about my first trip to the New World. As a Trustee of Georgia and a member of Parliament, I helped pave the way for the colony’s creation as a place where the deserving poor could get a fresh start.

Photography: jWhite

awkward for me to watch the Fourth of July festivities that go on around me, the red, white and blue. And the bravado. After all, I did what I did — I am revered, such that I am — because of my service to the Crown you overthrew. Independence Day, in the end, is your adoration of the people who sought to run off with the liberty I first provided. Yet how can I now condemn that revolutionary impulse, ringed as I am by the four freedoms at each corner of the Common park? Is that spirit really so far from the equitable fresh start I dreamed of creating here? But while I may not be able to reject it, can I wholeheartedly embrace what it has become? Day in and day out I witness life’s disposability and the way so many take for granted not just the width of their freedoms but the breadth of their ease and I wonder if the foundation I helped lay, a foundation that has been built upon with the sacrifices of the brave and the diligent and committed, is something worth defending, or merely a commodity to be consumed? Is freedom from serious want simply a landfall, a destination no longer requiring hardship or sacrifice beyond the inconvenience of bridled dreams, or is it something still worthy of a struggle? Maybe such considerations are beyond me now, since all I have left to me are

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the memories of friends lost to time. Friends like Tomochichi, the Yamacraw chief with whom I struck a lifelong friendship, and John and Mary Musgrove, my Indian interpreters, with whom I endured and achieved so much. All of them have been gone to me since I turned my face finally and forever to the East. As I sit here, planted in this piece of turf meant to memorialize me and the plan I hoped to implement, this is all that’s left. This, and my recollection of the heat. The only thing I recognize here, the only tangible thing that is real to me in this mechanized world, is the heat. Though the only time I was actually physically here was in September — and I was feverish from my travels through Indian Country and preoccupied with the prospect of war to the south — this Georgia heat I do remember. It reminds me of those days of action, those years when what I did mattered on a scale beyond the philosophical ideas I would debate in my later years with Johnson and Boswell back in England. Entertaining as that was, our discussions did not matter in the same way my actions mattered here. The heat reminds me of the things I knew I was leaving behind when I sailed back home to England, only 10 years

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after that first voyage and a year after defeating the Spanish at the Battle of Bloody Marsh at St. Simons. After that victory, I was made a brigadier general and became a national hero, though in actuality — and it’s no secret — I arrived to the battle at the end of hostilities. The warring, however, took its toll, both on me and the colony. While I was absorbed in the defense of the colony, political intrigue among the ranks forced me to return to England to defend myself while at the same time recouping some of my personal fortune, advanced to the cause but not repaid. I was 36 when I arrived and 46 when I left Georgia for good, and while I survived 43 more years, I never lived the way I did those brief, intense few years I was here. In that very real way, it’s good to be home. Dr. Lee Ann Caldwell, director of the Center for the Study of Georgia History at Augusta State University, and Augusta Tomorrow’s Executive Director Camille Price provided the facts behind this historical fiction.

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The parameters may have narrowed once we actually started, excluding the debtors we originally sought to help, but the cause was still charitable and just. Not for self, but for others was the trustees’ motto, and I think we’ve lived up to our calling. The only one of the 71 trustees to actually set foot in Georgia, I was at sea nearly two months on the 200-ton galley Anne before we reached Charleston, and it was a few days into February before each of the first families was given its iron pot, frying pan, three wooden bowls and Bible. A day later, we distributed the arms — a musket, bayonet, cartridge box and belt — to every able-bodied person. Such meager provisions must seem almost barbaric now, given all the excess I see displayed so casually around me, though occasionally someone does pass by, or sits in one of the benches around me, who looks like he could use a frying pan. Or a Bible. For the most part, though, the Augusta that inherited the Georgia we worked so hard to build seems to embody the quote made by Samuel Johnson some time after my return: “He who does not mind his belly will barely mind anything else.” At times, it seems as if such bellies threaten to overrun us all. I will admit that it’s more than a little

METRO SPIRIT 6.30.11 17

18 METRO SPIRIT 6.30.11

calendar Arts

First Saturday, hosted by the North Augusta Center for Arts and Heritage, is Saturday, July 2, from 11 a.m.-2 p.m. Free with admission to the center. Art supplies included with admission. Call 803-441-4380 or visit artsandheritagecenter.com. Arts groups are invited to apply to the Greater Augusta Arts Council for grants, awarded on a competitive basis with primary consideration given to the quality of artistic activities, management of fiscal responsibilities, demonstrated financial need, and the degree of benefit to the Augusta community. Deadline for application is Friday, July 22. E-mail Grace Inman at grace@augustaarts.com or visit augustaarts.com. Day of Art, hosted by the North Augusta Artists Guild, is each Tuesday from 11 a.m.-3 p.m. at the Arts and Heritage Center and includes a group of artists painting in the center who will answer questions or allow visitors to join in. Call 803-441-4380 or visit artsandheritagecenter.com.

Exhibitions

Will Barnet: Works on Paper, 14 color lithographs, serigraphs and etchings by the American master, is on display at the Morris Museum of Art through July 8. Call 706-828-3867 or visit themorris.org. Aiken Artist Guild Gallery-Heart Gallery exhibit includes portraits of children in need of adoption made by local photographers. Call 803-641-9094 or visit aikencenterforarts.org. Philip Juras: The Southern Frontier, landscapes inspired by Bartram’s travels, shows at the Morris Museum of Art. Call 706-724-7501 or visit themorris.org. The Eclectic Works of Joe Rob is an exhibition that shows on the third floor of the Headquarters Branch Library until July 8. Call 706-821-2600 or visit ecgrl.org. Art Greene Photography Exhibit

is at Sacred Heart Cultural Center through June 30. Call 706-826-4700 or visit sacredheartaugusta.org.

Music

Sand Hills String Band performs at Music in the Park at North Augusta’s Maude Edenfield Park Thursday, June 30, at 7 p.m. Free. Call 803-442-7588 or visit naartscouncil.org. Candlelight Jazz Series is on Sunday, July 3, at 8 p.m. and features the Not Gaddy Trio. Bring your own seating and picnic. $6. Call 706-495-6238 or visit gardencityjazz.com. Brass to the Future plays at Hopelands Gardens in Aiken as part of the Hopelands Summer Concert Series on Monday, July 4, at 7 p.m. Call 803642-7630 or visit cityofaikensc.gov.

Literary

Book signing and Discussion with Augusta Native Victoria MiguelJoseph, who will discuss her debut novel “When Never Comes Again,” is Friday, July 1, from 6-9 p.m. at Sit a Spell Coffee House. Call 678-642-3530 or visit dndpublishing.com. NOOK Tutorials at Barnes and Noble in the Augusta Mall are each Saturday beginning at noon, followed by a NOOKcolor tutorial at 12:30 p.m. Free. Call 706-737-0012 or visit bn.com.

Theater

Extreme Theater Games, a production of Schrodinger’s Cat, is a improv comedy show at Le Chat Noir Friday, July 1, at 8 p.m. $8, advance; $10, door. Call 706-722-3322 or visit schrodingerscataug.com. The Colonial Era Through Living History, a presentation given by Lynn Thompson, is part of the Brown Bag History Series on Wednesday, July 6, from 12:30-1 p.m. at the Augusta Museum of History. Free to museum members and $3 for non-members. Beverages provided. Call 706-722-8454 or visit augustamuseum.org. Le Chat Noir Company Auditions

Fight the Power: A Hip-Hop Film Series is Friday, July 1, from 6-11 p.m. at the Columbia Museum of Art. Grammy Award winner Patrick Douthit, known as 9th Wonder, leads a lecture before the 7 p.m. screening of the 2006 documentary, “Hip-Hop: Beyond Beats and Rhymes.” Sanford Greene, renowned comic book illustrator and local outfit Izms of Art, responds to the exhibition, An Artist’s Eye, with hip-hop inspired artwork on display. $8 for members; $10 for non-members. Call 803799-2810 or visit columbiamuseum.org.

are Thursday, July 7, from 5-7 p.m. by appointment only. Prepare two contrasting monologues, one comedic and one dramatic. Call 706-722-3322 or visit lcnaugusta.com.

Flix

Dance

“Son of Fury: The Story of Benjamin Blake” (1942), part of the Films on Friday series, shows at the Morris Museum of Art on Friday, July 1, at noon. After the movie, museum Director Kevin Grogan leads a discussion. Participants are invited to bring lunch. Free. Call 706-724-7501 or visit themorris.org.

Belly Dancing for Beginners is Thursday, June 30, at 6:30 p.m. at the Headquarters Branch Library. For ages 12 and older. Call 706-821-2600 or visit ecgrl.org. Friday Dance is every Friday night from 8:30-11 p.m. at The Ballroom Dance Center in Evans. $10. Call 706854-8888 or visit thebdc.us. Christian Singles Dance, for ages 18 and over, is every Saturday night at The Ballroom Dance Center in Evans from 7-11 p.m. $8-$10. Call 706-8548888 or visit thebdc.us.

“It’s Kind of a Funny Story” shows Thursday, June 30, at 2:30 p.m. at the Maxwell Branch Library. Call 706793-2020 or visit ecgrl.org.

“National Treasure” shows as part of the Starlight Cinema Series at Langley Pond Park in Burnettown, S.C. Movie begins at dark. Visit southcarolinaparks.com. “Chicken Run ” shows Tuesday, METRO SPIRIT 6.30.11 19

Thursday Nights at the High Museum of Art in Atlanta features half-price tickets each Thursday from 4-8 p.m. A guided tour of permanent collection highlights is of fered at 6:30 p.m. Call 404-733-4444 or visit high.org.

First Friday in downtown Augusta, from 5-9 p.m., includes music, entertainment, street vendors, food and drinks, as well as art galleries open late. Visit augustaarts.com. Shepeard Community Blood Center Blood Drive is Friday-Sunday, July 1-3, from 1-6 p.m. at the Regal Cinemas. Call 706-737-4551 or visit shepeardblood.org for a complete list of blood drives. Neighborhood Reunion Program is Friday, July 1, at 7 p.m. at the Piney Grove Missionary Baptist of Forest Hill. Email bwilliam@georgiahealth.edu. First Saturday’s Yard Sale is Saturday, July 2 from 10 a.m.-2 p.m. at the Mini-Mercy Ministries Thrift Shop. Items for sale include toys, clothing, furniture, artwork and other summer items. Tables can be rented for $5. Call 706-726-2647 or e-mail mercycontact@ augustahomeless.org. Downtown Augusta’s Independence Day Celebration is Saturday, July 2, from 4-10 p.m. Activities for the whole family including live entertainment and fireworks at dark. Call 706-821-1754 or visit augustaga.org. Fourth of July Celebration at Patriots Park is Monday, July 4, from 4 p.m. until dark. The free event features games, rides, children’s activities, food, drinks, live entertainment from the Fort Gordon Signal Corps Band at 6:30 p.m. and fireworks at dark. Call 706-312-7192 or visit columbiacountyga.gov. Saturday Market at the River, located at 8th Street Plaza, downtown Augusta, is each Saturday through Oct. 29, from 8 a.m.-2 p.m. Visit theaugustamarket.com.

July 5, at the Friedman Branch Library. Call 706-736-6758 or visit ecgrl.org. “Made in Dagenham” shows Tuesday, July 5, at 6:30 p.m. at the Headquarters Branch Library. Call 706821-2600 or visit ecgrl.org. “Megamind”showsTuesday,July 5, at the Maxwell Branch Library. Call 706-793-2020 or visit ecgrl.org. “Harry Potter and the Death Hallows, Part I” shows Thursday, July 7, from 2:30-5 and 6-8:30 p.m. at the Headquarters Branch Library. All attendees’ names will be entered to win two tickets for the new Harry Potter movie. Call 706-821-6000 or visit ecgrl.org.

20 METRO SPIRIT 6.30.11

“Harry Potter and the Deathly Hallows: Part I” shows Thursday, July 7, at the Maxwell Branch Library. Call 706793-2020 or visit ecgrl.org. “El Angel Exterminador,” a Spanish language film, shows Thursday, July 7, at 6:30 at the Headquarters Branch Library. Call 706-821-2600 or visit ecgrl.org. “Vanishing Georgia” shows throughout June at the Augusta Museum of History as part of the museum’s History Theater Film Series. Free with admission. Call 706-722-8454 or visit augustamuseum.org.

Special Events

Globe-Trotting, Learn to Plan a European Vacation, is Thursday, June 30, at 1:30 p.m. at the Headquarters Branch Library. Call 706-821-2600 or visit ecgrl.org. IndependenceDayCelebrationat Fort Gordon’s Barton Field, is Friday, July 1, at 3 p.m. This free event will include a carnival, water rides, over 40 food and craft vendors, and musical entertainment. Fireworks begin at dark. Call 706-7916779 or visit fortgordon.com. First Friday Inshop Tasting is Friday, July 1, from 5-8 p.m. at Wine World. $5, with a $3 rebate with purchase of one bottle of the evening’s featured wines. Call 803-279-9522 or visit wineworldsc.com.

Health

Cribs for Kids, a program to teach caregivers how to provide a safe sleep environment for babies, is Thursday, July 7, from 5:45 p.m-8 p.m. Those who can demonstrate a financial need will receive a portable crib, fitted sheet, sleep sac and pacifier for $10. Preregistration required. Call 706-721-7606 or visit mcghealth.org. Multiple Sclerosis and Parkinson Disease Aquatics Class, sponsored by the CSRA Parkinson Support Group and The Family Y, is a group class designed specifically for ambulatory participants affected by Multiple Sclerosis and Parkinson Disease. Held each Friday at noon at the Wilson Family Y indoor pool. Call Claudia Collins at 706-922-9664 or visit thefamilyy.org.

Joint Efforts, an informational class about knee and hip pain causes and treatments sponsored by Trinity Hospital of Augusta, meets every Thursday at 11 a.m. at Augusta Orthopaedic Clinic. Call 706-481-7604 or visit trinityofaugusta.com.

Breathe Studio, downtown Aiken, each Friday at 10 a.m. and is free if participants bring a donation of a personal item which will be given to the Cumbee Center to Assist Abused Persons. Call 803-648-8048 or visit justbreathestudio.com.

Support

Sports-Outdoors

Huntington Disease Support Group is Thursday, July 7, at 6:30 p.m. at MCGHealth’s Marks Building. Call 706721-4895 or visit mcghealth.org.

Augusta Rugby Football Club meets every Tuesday and Thursday at 6:30 p.m. at the Larry Bray Memorial Pitch. New players are welcome. Email arj6402@yahoo.com.

“A-Team”-Autism Spectrum Disorder Support Group, offering education and support for families of children with autism, meets Tuesday, July 5, from 6-7 p.m. in MCGHealth’s Children’s Medical Center. Call 706-7215160 or visit mcghealth.org.

Moms Connection meets every Tuesday from 1-2 p.m. at 1225 Walton Way (the old Fairway Ford dealership), room 1010C. Pre-registration required. Call 706-721-9351 or visit mcghealth.org. Joint Efforts, a informational class about knee and hip pain causes and treatments sponsored by Trinity Hospital of Augusta, meets every Thursday at 11 a.m. at Augusta Orthopaedic Clinic. Call 706-481-7604 or visit trinityofaugusta.com. Weight Loss Surgery Support Group meets each Wednesday at 1:30 p.m. in Suite 110 of Medical Office Building 2, 3624 J. Dewey Gray Circle, on the Doctors Hospital campus. Call 706-651-2229 or visit doctors-hospital.net.

Education

Getting Started Workshop, a teen program in which participants will learn the basics of scripting and filming, is at Diamond Lakes Branch Library, Wednesday, July 6, at 3 p.m. Registration required. Workshop is limited to 10 participants. Call 706-722-2432 or visit ecgrl.org. Absolute Beginners’ Computer Class is Wednesday, July 7, at 10 a.m. at the Headquarters Branch Library. Call 706-821-6000 or visit ecgrl.org. Saturday Historic Trolley Tour, every Saturday, begins at the Museum of History and tours historic downtown Augusta from 1-3:15 p.m. Reservations required. All seats are $12. 706-724-4067.

Benefits

Karma Yoga is offered at Just

The Augusta GreenJackets play the Charleston RiverDogs Thursday, June 30, the Savannah Sand Gnats Friday-Sunday, July 1-3, at 7:05 p.m. at Lake Olmstead Stadium. Tickets are $1-$13. Call 706-922-WINS or visit greenjacketsbaseball.com.

Group Run begins each Tuesday at 5:30 p.m. at Nacho Mama’s. Threeand four-mile routes are available for all ages and abilities of runners. Call 706-414-4059 or email jim@ enduranceconcepts.com. Hockey Skills & Drills is every Thursday from 6-8 p.m. at Augusta Ice Sports Center. $10-$15. Call 706-8630061 or visit augustaicesports.com.

Hail Damage Repair

Thursday Night Chain Reaction Ride begins at 6 p.m. each Thursday at Patriots Park in Grovetown. For intermediate to fast-paced cyclists, who average 25-32 miles. Participants should bring their own water and helmet. Call 706-855-2024 or visit chainreactionbicycles.net. Riverview Disc Golf League meets each Thursday at 6 p.m. at Riverview Park in North Augusta. $5 entry fee and $1 ace pool. Call 803-2158181 or visit augustadiscgolf.com. Road Bike Ride meets each Thursday at 6:30 p.m. at Andy Jordan’s Bicycle Warehouse downtown for an approximately 25-mile ride at a moderate to fast pace. Front and rear lights, as well as a helmet, are required. Call 706-7246777 or visit andyjordans.com. Wheelchair Tennis Clinic, presented by the Walton Foundation for Independence, meets each Monday at 6 p.m. (weather permitting) at The Club at Rae’s Creek. Free and open to the public. Call 706-826-5809 or email alsalley@ wrh.org. Augusta Canal Boat Tours lasting one hour are offered daily at 10 a.m., 11:30 a.m., 1:30 p.m. and 3

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p.m. Saturday Sunset Cruises, lasting three hours, are at 5 p.m. All tours include admission to the Augusta Canal Interpretive Center. Call 706-823-0440 or visit augustacanal.com.

Kids

Special Story Time at Pendleton King Park with Anne Sprinkle and the Therapy Dogs will be Thursday, June 30, at 10 a.m. Call 706-821-2600 or visit ecgrl.org. Kangaroo Boxes Craft Time is Thursday, June 30, at 10 a.m. at the Diamond Lakes Branch Library. Kids ages 6-12 can decorate their own ceramic kangaroo box. Call 706-722-2432 or visit ecgrl.org. Critters Underground at Reed Creek Nature Park is Friday, July 1, from 4:30-5:30 p.m. For ages 5 and up. Free for members and $2 per child for nonmembers. Pre-registration required. Call 706-210-4027 or visit reedcreekpark.com. Nurturing Nature Walks at Reed Creek Nature Park, for ages 3 to 5, are on Wednesday, July 6, from 10-11 a.m. Free for members and $2 per child for non-members. Call 706-210-4027 or visit reedcreekpark.com.

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Animal Sounds from Around the World is Wednesday, July 6, at 10 a.m. at the Maxwell Branch Library. Call 706793-2020 or visit ecgrl.org. Tara Scheyer will be performing at the Appleby Branch Library Wednesday, July 6, at 10:30 a.m. Call 706-736-6244 or visit ecgrl.org. Water Safety with the Army Corps of Engineers is Wednesday, July 6, at 2 p.m. at the Columbia County Library. Call 706-863-1946 or visit ecgrl.org. Puppet Show is Wednesday, July 6, at 2:30 p.m. at the Harlem Branch Library. Call 706-556-9795 or visit ecgrl.org.

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Toddler Time: Art Adventures with Nature is Thursday, July 7, from 10-11 a.m. or 11:15 a.m.-12:15 p.m. View paintings from the exhibition Philip Juras: The Southern Frontier and listen to Deborah Kogan Ray’s children’s book “The Flower Hunter: William Bartram, America’s First Naturalist.” Afterwards, participants will make their own flower using paints and canvas. Museum family members, free; non-members, $4 per participant. Pre-registration required. Call 706-828-3867 or visit themorris.org. . Simply Science at Reed Creek Nature Park, for ages 5 and up, is on Thursday, July 7, from 10-11:30 a.m.

Collect creek clay and create a miniature volcano. Free for members and $2 per child for non-members. Call 706-2104027 or visit reedcreekpark.com. Bandana Pillows is Thursday, July 7, at 2 p.m. Participants will learn to make a no-sew pillow using bandanas at the Diamond Lakes Branch Library. For ages 11-17. Pre-registration required. Call 706-772-2432 or visit ecgrl.org. The Power of Art, a summer arts camp for children ages 4-6 who have not yet started the first grade, meets from 9 a.m.-noon the weeks of July 11, 18 and 25. All take place at the Aiken Center for the Arts. Camps are $130 per week and pre-registration is required. Call 803-641-9094 or visit aikencenterforthearts.org. In My Backyard shows at USCAiken’s Dupont Planetarium Saturdays in June at 8 p.m. Visitors will learn how they can identify objects in the sky using the naked eye, binoculars and telescopes. Tickets are $4.50 for adults, $3.50 for seniors, $2.50 for 4K-12th grade students and $1 for USC-A students, faculty and staff. Call 803-641-3769 or visit usca.edu/rpsec/planetarium/. Larry Cat in Space shows at USC-Aiken’s Dupont Planetarium Saturdays in July at 8 p.m., while To the Moon and Beyond Shows at 9 p.m. Tickets for each show are $4.50 for adults, $3.50 for seniors, $2.50 for 4K-12th grade students and $1 for USC-A students, faculty and staff. Call 803-641-3769 or visit usca.edu/rpsec/ planetarium/. Monday Movie Matinees at the Diamond Lakes Branch Library show at 2 p.m. throughout the summer. Participants may bring their own snacks. Call the library for a list of movies to be shown. No movies are scheduled on July 4. Call 706-772-2432 or visit ecgrl.org. Less Than Two Minutes Film Contest for Young Adults is going on through Monday, July 18. Movies less than two minutes in length submitted by that deadline will be eligible for prizes and will be shown at the Diamond Lakes Library’s Less Than Two Minutes Film Festival on Monday, July 25, at 6 p.m. Prizes will be awarded for best of show, best of show runner-up, most innovative and fan favorite. Call 706-772-2432 or visit ecgrl.org. World Capitals Guessing Game for kids is going on throughout the month of June at the Headquarters Branch Library. Winners will be announced on July 5. Call 706-821-

Athfest Delivers Yet Again Geetu Vailoor

Athfest is the time when the shoeless townies and artists from Texas to the Virgin Islands come out to share their artistry. This year, Athenians and outof-towners fought the relentless heat to see over 200 bands and artists that played in countless venues and stages across downtown Athens. Wristband on wrist, I joined the crowd and stopped by several tents selling everything from paintings to blown glass. Most tents tended to house well-known local artists, such as Jamie Calkin, who drew the famous 64-foot mural in the University of Georgia’s student center. Calkin, who celebrated his 10th year at Athfest, stated, “Athfest was a great way to put out artwork due to the large outcome of people.” Other tents were tailored to appeal to the Rastafarian within us, such as the Indocraft booth. Indocraft, a company based in Asheville, N.C.,

had been coming to Athfest for 11 years. The reason for such loyalty to Athfest is the family friendly, clean environment in the day and the fun, college-town feel at night. Local authorities who were present at Athfest during the day said the worst crime they had to deal with was thievery. Downtown Athens, usually a ghost town during the summer, appreciates the crowd Athfest brings. Agora, a local vintage boutique a block from the main festivities, calls in all its employees during Athfest to accommodate the people who visit the store to steal away from the heat. Sales clerk Allison stated that they sell a lot of items during Athfest, especially vintage clothing aimed for those in a hippie mood. Restaurants also were packed throughout the day, and some downtown, such as Suno and YourPie, created tents closer to the festivities in

order to maximize their sales. Musically, the local buzz around town was that Washed Out, Ernest Greene’s band from Perry, Ga., would be playing at 40 Watt Club, a well-known music venue, after FLT RSK and Reptar on Saturday night. The club was packed with people who had never heard Washed Out’s “chill wave” genre of music. The crowd loved his chill music, but it took some time to transition from the Vampire Weekend gone electro-pop band Reptar to the smooth, chill music of Ernest Greene. Overall, 40 Watt Club had some of the best performers this year at Athfest. The club has been around since 1978 and has been participating in Athfest for many years, gaining seniority among the music venues. New Earth Music Hall, a newer part of the Athens music scene, put itself on the map after participating in the Athfest club crawl.

Those from Augusta might be tempted to compare Athfest to Augusta’s wellknown Arts in the Heart of Augusta festival, but being a hardcore music festival, Athfest lacks the cultural diversity of Arts in the Heart. This year, the most obviously diverse act was a Klezmer band that played on the small Hull St. stage Saturday afternoon. They played Jewish and gypsy music and really had the crowd singing and dancing. They were one of the better performances in a sea of jam bands that played on the outdoor stages. Athfest brought throngs of people to downtown Athens without the congestion that plagues most festivals, which is one of the reasons it has become one of the staples of the region’s summer festival season.

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2600 or visit ecgrl.org. Registration for Gertrude Herbert Institute of Art Summer Camps, for kids ages 5-11, is going on now. The camps, held at either the GHIA location downtown or at The Quest Church on Washington Road in Martinez, are held in one-week sessions. Afternoon camps at the GHIA’s downtown location, are offered the weeks of July 11 and July 18. Camps are $60 per week for members and $75 for non-members. Call 706-7225495 or visit ghia.org. Family Y Day Camps, at all area branches, run weekly thoughout the summer. For ages 5-17, pre-registration is required for all camps, and a deposit of $15 per child per week is charged upon initial enrollment in a camp program. Register at any Family Y location or online at thefamilyy.org.

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Summer Art Camps at the Aiken Center for the Arts, for those ages 4 and up, will be conducted weekly through July 25 and feature a different theme each week. Half-day and full-day programs available. $117-$193.50 for members and $130-$215 for non-members. Preregistration is going on now. Call 803-6419094 or visit aikencenterforthearts.org. The Augusta Arsenal Soccer Club Junior Academy, for boys and girls ages 5-8, meets each Thursday at 5:30 p.m. at the Augusta Soccer Park. Call 706-8540149 or visit augustasoccer.com.

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Toddler Time, free play for children ages 5 and under, is each Monday and Wednesday from 9:3011:30 a.m. at the H.O. Weeks Center in Aiken. Call 803-642-7631 or visit cityofaikensc.gov. Ceramics Class, for ages 14 and up, meets Mondays at 9 a.m. or 6 p.m., Tuesdays at 6 p.m. and Wednesdays at 9 a.m. in the Weeks Ceramics Center. Call 803-642-7631 or visit cityofaikensc.gov. Wacky Wednesday Story Time is each Wednesday at 10 a.m. in the children’s department of Barnes and Noble in the Augusta Mall. Call 706-7370012 or visit bn.com.

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Homeschool Playgroup meets each Thursday at 10:30 a.m. at Creighton Park in North Augusta. Call 803-613-0484.

Elsewhere

Fight the Power: a Hip-Hop Film Series is Friday, July 1, from 6-11 p.m. at the Columbia Museum of Art. Grammy Award winner Patrick Douthit, known as

9th Wonder, leads a lecture before the 7 p.m. screening of the 2006 documentary, “Hip-Hop: Beyond Beats and Rhymes.” Sanford Greene, renowned comic book illustrator and local outfit Izms of Art, responds to the exhibition, An Artist’s Eye, with hip-hop inspired artwork on display. $8 for members; $10 for nonmembers. Call 803-799-2810 or visit columbiamuseum.org. Gallery Tour: An Artist’s Eye is Saturday, July 2, at 1 p.m. at the Columbia Museum of Art. A docent-led tour of the exhibition An Artist’s Eye offers insight into works represented in the exhibition. Free with admission or membership. Call 803-799-2810 or visit columbiamuseum.org. Family Gallery Tour is Sunday, July 3, at 2 p.m. at the Columbia Museum of Art. This 45-minute interactive tour explores the world of art in a way that can be enjoyed by all family members. Free. Call 803-799-2810 or visit columbiamuseum.org. Culture Shock at the High Museum of Art in Atlanta is Saturday, July 9, from 8 p.m.-midnight. Participants can celebrate the opening of “Radcliffe Bailey: Memory as Medicine” at this outdoor party, touring the exhibition then enjoying dance music “al fresco” from some of Atlanta’s premier DJs, including Karl Injex, Kai Alce and DJ Kemit. A special performance by DJ Maseo (De La Soul) will end the night. $10 for museum members; $15 for non-members. Call 404-733-4444 or visit high.org. Thursday Nights at the High Museum of Art in Atlanta features half-price tickets each Thursday from 4-8 p.m. A guided tour of permanent collection highlights is offered at 6:30 p.m. Call 404-733-4444 or visit high.org. If you would like to see your organization’s events listed in our calendar, please email Amy Christian at amy@themetrospirit.com. The deadline for each Thursday’s issue is the previous Friday at noon.

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Creating Value Greg Baker

Every once in a while you come across a good example of how technology creates value. This example appeared in last Saturday’s edition of The Augusta Chronicle. I bet most people missed it. On the surface, it seems routine, almost trivial. It wasn’t until a second reading did I realize what a nugget it really was. You see, technology by itself does not create value. Technology must be mixed with vision and creativity to produce innovative solutions. Innovative solutions enable organizations to perform better, faster, cheaper. The services of these organizations become more relevant and essential to their clients, and clients reward these organizations with little, green certificates of appreciation (or some other measure of success — money isn’t everything after all). In the end, value is created. On occasion, I see organizations pour large sums of money into technology without a long-term vision for its use. A year later, the technology sits unused in a corner of the office. Alternatively, I work with organizations that have a strong vision on how technology will help them serve their customers. For these businesses, technology enables something special

that sets them apart. So when people read about the installation of new power meters in last Saturday’s edition of The Chronicle, most probably glossed over it, cynically wondering if this is just another way to raise rates, if they thought anything at all. Not me. I’m thinking about the entrepreneurial organization that develops these devices for Georgia Power. Some leader has the vision and creativity to develop an innovative solution to better serve their client. Georgia Power now possesses a new capability that improves the delivery of electric service by enabling remote management of the meter. No more driving around to read the meter. Operators now receive Instant notification of power outages during storms. Cheaper maintenance cost. Faster response time. Better service. Sounds like everything technology is supposed to do. Until next time, follow me on Twitter at @gregory_a_baker.

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BOX TOPS

“Cars 2” races to the finish line, beating “Bad Teacher at the box office for the past weekend. RANK TITLE

WEEKEND GROSS TOTAL GROSS

WEEK #

LAST WEEK

CARS 2

$66,135,507

BAD TEACHER

$31,603,106

GREEN LANTERN

$18,028,056

$88,989,477

SUPER 8

$12,028,092

$95,114,324

MR. POPPER’S PENGUINS

$10,145,662

$39,293,341

“Bad Teacher” Sam Eifling See… teachers are really as bad as we always thought There’s a point in “Bad Teacher” when it begins to transition from a flagrantly rule-bending dark comedy to something still delightfully vulgar but more formulaic. Cameron Diaz’s foul-mouthed, potsmoking, hard-drinking, gold-digging seventh-grade teacher Elizabeth Halsey is having a heart-to-heart with the gym teacher, played aptly by Jason Segel. She asks him how he wound up as a junior high gym teacher, and he gives an answer of some quiet desperation, explaining how most of the world starts in a place, aims for a better place and settles in the middle. Then he flips the question and asks, with a degree of sarcasm, “What went wrong in your life that you ended up educating children?” If there’s a thread of honest inquiry in a dirtbag comedy that exists mostly to put a hot blonde in situations of casual misanthropy, it’s that question, of why school warps everyone who sets foot inside. The caricatures of junior high educators (Phyllis Smith, of “The Office,” is terrific as a meek, mentally soft teacher) seem to be drawn directly from caricatures of students we’ve seen ad

nauseum: the granola kid, the overachiever, the naïf. None of the adults seem like full adults — they’re all former kids who probably weren’t the greatest students in junior high now condemned to a life of instructing the next generation. That sounds like a hell on par with prison, which is what makes Diaz’s turn so fun. Finally, it’s not just the ex-jock washouts and do-gooders and burnt-out failed authors teaching 11-year-olds. It’s also the lusty boozehound who doesn’t learn kids’ names, cusses like a one-woman union hall and writhes around in soapy daisy dukes for the carwash fundraiser. Everyone knew a couple of bad kids back in the day. No one ever thought they’d teach. There’s about as much backstory here as in your average cereal commercial:

Miss Halsey finds herself stuck as a teacher when her rich husband-to-be nixes their engagement. The His and Hers Mercedes life she had planned when she quit her teaching job vanishes, and she’s condemned to return to school, fixated now on saving up for a breast augmentation that will land her another sugar daddy. She skips meetings, insults students and shows movies every day in class. (All school-related, though: “Stand and Deliver,” “Dangerous Minds,” a proper nose-thumbing by director Jake Kasdan to preachy school flicks.) This draws the ire of her across-the-hall rival, Miss Squirrel, played as a shrill goody-goody by Lucy Punch. When the twerpy but loaded substitute Scott Delacorte (Justin Timberlake)

arrives, a twisted love triangle ensues, leading to one of the most hilariously terrible acoustic guitar ballads ever committed to film by the very game Timberlake. When Halsey forces her students to cram before a big state exam that could mean a pay bonus, we also get to see Thomas Lennon (of “The State” troupe, once upon a time) as a greasy state-ed functionary. In the last 15 minutes the story sort of twirls around in a circle and falls over, dizzy and disoriented. But the plot exists only as a canvas for as many lewd and foul gags as can be crammed into an hour and a half. The cast, especially Diaz, really sells this world, and it mostly works: Teachers as the dim, craven, selfish, infantilized, manipulative jerks we all imagined they really were when we were stuck in public school. Now that we’re older, and actually know grownups who have chosen, bless ‘em, to educate children for a living, it’s a fair assessment to say many of them will probably find “Bad Teacher” cathartic and, at times, effing hilarious.

MOVIE REVIEW 26 METRO SPIRIT 6.30.11

Opening Friday, July 1

THE8ERS Going to the movies this weekend? Here’s what’s playing.

Action “Transformers: Dark of the Moon,” rated PG-13, starring Shia LeBeouf, Rosie Huntington-Whiteley, Josh Duhamel, Frances McDormand, Patrick Dempsey, John Malkovich, Leonard Nimoy. Autobots, Decepticons… blah, blah, blah. The most interesting aspect may well be seeing how model HuntingtonWhiteley fares in her first film outing. She replaced Megan Fox, who was fired after comparing director Michael Bay to Hitler and, seeing how little Fox contributed to the first two, the newbie shouldn’t have too much trouble.

Comedy “Larry Crowne,” rated PG-13, starring Tom Hanks, Julia Roberts, Bryan Cranston. After being fired from his job, middle-aged Larry Crowne (Tom Hanks) heads to college, where he because part of a group of misfits and develops a crush on one of his profs (Julia Roberts). So, basically, it’s “Community” on the big screen. No Abed, though, which could be a deal-breaker.

ROM-COM “Monte Carlo,” rated PG, starring Selena Gomez, Leighton Meester, Katie Cassidy. A much-anticipated but disappointing trip to Paris turns into an adventure of mistaken identity when the Biebs’ girlfriend (Selena Gomez) is mistaken for a British heiress.

The Big Mo thebigmo.com July 1-2 Main Field: Transformers: Dark of the Moon (PG-13) and Super 8 (PG13); Screen 2: Cars 2 (G) and Pires of the Caribbean: On Stranger Tides (PG-13) Screen 3: Green Lantern (PG13) and Mr. Popper’s Penguins (PG) . Gates open at 7 p.m.; shows begin at 8:30 p.m. (approximately)

Masters 7 Cinemas georgiatheatrecompany.com July 1-2 Priest (PG-13) 1:45, 4:30, 7:30, 9:45; Something Borrrowed (PG-13) 1, 6:45; Fast Five (PG-13) 1, 4:10, 7, 9:50; Tyler Perry’s Madea’s Big Happy Family (PG-13) 1:30, 4:45, 7:15, 9:40; Rio The Movie (G) 2, 5, 7:45, 10; Soul Surfer (PG) 1:45, 4:30, 7:30, 9:55; Limitless (PG-13) 3:55, 9:30; The Lincoln Lawyer (R) 1:15, 3:55, 6:45, 9:35

Regal Exchange regmovies.com

D N E M M O C E R I “Con Air” It’s got something for everybody... Nick Cage for your action, Steve Buscemi for your humor, John Malkovich for your acting... explosions, fighting, good guy comes out on top, and they land on the Vegas strip. “Con Air” is awesomely bad. I mean it’s so ridiculous that it’s amazing. It is great, mindless entertainment… isn’t that what it’s all about? — David Firmin

June1-2 Larry Crowne (PG-13) 9:40, 12:05, 2:30, 4:55, 7:20, 9:45, 12:10; Monte Carlo (PG) 10, 12:35, 4:15, 7:10, 9:55, 12:30; Transformers: Dark of the Moon (PG-13) 9:25, 9:45, 10:30, 11:35, 12:20, 12:45, 1:05, 1:50, 2:55, 3:40, 4:05, 4:25, 5:10, 6:15, 7, 7:25, 7:45, 8:30, 9:35, 10:20, 10:45, 11:05, 11:50, 12:55; Cars 2 (G) 9:30, 10:45, 11:15, 11:45, 12:15, 1:30, 2, 2:30, 3, 4:15, 5:15, 5:45, 7, 7:30, 8, 8:30, 9:45, 10:45, 11:15, 12:20; Bad Teacher (R) Noon, 2:20, 4:40, 8:15, 9:30, 10:30, 12:10; Green Lantern (PG-13) 10:40, 11:40, 1:30, 2:30, 4:10, 5:10, 7:05, 8:05, 9:45, 10:45, 12:25; Mr. Popper’s Penguins (PG) 11:30, 1:50,

4:10, 7:35, 9:55; Super 8 (PG-13) 11:25, 2:05, 5:30, 8:10, 10:50; X-Men: First Class (PG-13) 11:50, 4, 7:10, 10:10; The Hangover Part II (R) 9:50, 12:20, 4:05, 7, 9:50, 12:25; Kung Fu Panda 2 (PG) 11, 1:15, 3:30, 5:45; Pirates of the Caribbean: On Stranger Tides (PG-13) 4:40, 10:15; Bridesmaids (R) 12:05, 4:25, 7:15, 10:05

Evans Cinemas georgiatheatrecompany.com July 1 Transformers: Dark of the Moon (PG-13) 12:30, 1, 1:45, 3:45, 4:15, 5, 7, 7:30, 8:15, 9:30, 10:15; Bad Teacher (R) 12:35, 2:55, 5:25, 7:50, 10:10; Cars 2 (G) 11:45, 12:15, 12:45, 2:15, 2:45, 3:15, 4:45, 5:15, 5:45, 7:15, 7:45, 8:30, 9:45; Green Lantern (PG-13) 10:15, 12:55, 3:55, 6:55, 9:40; Mr. Popper’s Penguins (PG) 11:50, 2:05, 4:25, 6:50; Super 8 (PG-13) 2:35, 5:05, 7:35, 10:10; X-Men: First Class (PG-13) 12:40, 3:30, 6:40, 9:35; The Hangover Part II (R) 10; Kung Fu Panda 2 (PG) 11:50; Pirates of the Caribbean: On Stranger Tides (PG-13) 1:10, 4:05, 7:05 July 2 Larry Crowne (PG-13) 12:35, 3, 5:25, 7:50, 10:10; Monte Carlo (PG) 11:45, 2:05, 4:35, 7:05, 9:40; Transformers: Dark of the Moon (PG-13) 12:30, 1, 1:45, 3:45, 4:15, 5, 7, 7:30, 8:15, 9:30, 10:15; Bad Teacher (R) 1:15, 3:25, 5:35, 7:55, 10:10; Cars 2 (G) 11:45, 12:15, 12:45, 2:15, 2:45, 3:15, 4:45, 5:15, 5:45, 7:15, 7:45, 8:30, 9:45; Green Lantern (PG-13) 10:15, 12:55, 3:55, 6:55, 9:35; Mr. Popper’s Penguins (PG) 12:05, 2:25, 4:50, 7:10; Super 8 (PG-13 1:55, 4:25, 7:25, 10; X-Men: First Class (PG-13) 12:40, 335, 6:45, 9:50; The Hangover Part II (R) 10:15; Kung Fu Panda 2 (PG) 11:50; Pirates of the Caribbean: On Stranger Tides (PG-13) 1:10, 4:05, 7:20 THEBALANCEDBODYSPA.COM

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ART Nine Lives

Failure isn’t an option for Schrodinger’s Cat improv group… usually

There are no mistakes in improv, or so the saying goes. For the members of Schrodinger’s Cat, however, there is one particular performance that, when mentioned, still causes cast members to cringe. “We went to this place,” said Schrodinger’s Cat Artistic Director Doug Holley, declining to mention the name of site, “and, when we got there, we discovered we were bearded folk at a country club. And we had about four beards too many.” Right out of the gate cast members could tell that the night was not going to end well. How? Because when Gary Dennis, the host for the evening, explained the show and mentioned there would be some audience participation, there was an audible groan. “They didn’t want to participate,” Holley remembered. “There were 40 people in the room and they did not look enthused.” Holley stops the story for a moment to mention that the cast of Schrodinger’s Cat always aims for smart, intellectual comedy. A curse word or a sexual

innuendo may occasionally slip, but he says they always try to keep their audience in mind. So for this particular show, they went in with a concerted group effort to be highbrow. This audience was having none of it. “We got done with the first game and this little old lady at the first table says, ‘That was terrible!’” Holley laughed, doing his best impression of the bluehaired and blue-blooded. “That was like a kick in the shins.” It only got worse as the first half wore on, so, during a halftime pep talk, Holley tried to rally the troops by suggesting a change in tactics. “So I give the St. Crispin’s Day speech and say, this is the deal,” he said. “We’re going to go out there and, whoever’s left, we’re going to give them the dirtiest, filthiest show we have ever done in our lives. Be gross. Be awful. “So we open the door to go back out and, I kid you not, there were like seven people left.” And those seven people got a show that they very likely will never forget. “I was ashamed,” admitted cast

member Kerri Bridges, the youngest of the Schrodinger’s Cat team. “But we learned something about an audience that we hadn’t encountered before. It was a huge learning experience, but it didn’t feel like it at the time.” Holley agreed, saying it was also a bonding experience for the cast. “It was wonderful to fail that hard in front of those people because we came off stage feeling more like family than we ever had before,” he explained. “None of us like to be dirty on stage, but we went in and did this awful job that we decided beforehand that we were going to do and we did it to our fullest capabilities and we came off the stage like we had been in a war zone. I have never been prouder to be Schrodinger’s Cat than I felt coming off that stage and bombing like we did.” Not all of Schrodinger’s Cat’s productions start and end as badly as the now infamous country club gig, of course. In fact, Extreme Theater Games, their monthly First Friday show, usually plays to a packed house at Le Chat Noir. Crowds responded that way from their first show in January of 2010, only

a short five months after the group’s formation following a casual conversation between Bridges and Dennis. Both cast in Le Chat’s “Mr. Marmalade,” the two began talking improv after Dennis noticed a book on the subject Bridges had been carrying around with her. After the two decided to see if they could form a group, they called their friends to join. “And then people started calling their friends who had a little bit of talent and people started showing up [at weekly rehearsals],” Holley said. “It was very organic, the formation of the ensemble.” Meetings became more formal, the test show went well and out of that Schrodinger’s Cat was born. The group was named for the quantum physics thought experiment by Erwin Schrodinger whose idea was if you put a cat in a box with a radioactive isotope that is sure to kill it, there is a point in time in which an observer looking in the box will see a cat that is both alive and dead. It serves, Holley said, as both an homage to their home at Le Chat Noir and as a reference to both outside-the-

sightings Michael Johnson

mejphoto.photoreflect.com

Rachel Veal, Candice Kobert and Bridget Gaughan at the Sugerland concert at the James Brown Arena.

Allie Howard, Melanie Ansley and Hannah Hill at the Sugerland concert at the James Brown Arena.

Todd Greene, Clare Prather, Corey Ford and Bryson Jones at French Market Grille.

METRO SPIRIT 6.30.11 29

box thinking that is improv comedy’s stock and trade and black box theaters where improv groups usually perform. “I usually describe it to people as we’re the cat,” Bridges said. “You don’t know if we’re funny or not unless you come see our show.” The group, consisting of about 14-16 players, is made up of a wide variety of people. It does, however, contain quite a few educators, which Holley says helps them attain their goal of providing smart comedy. “We don’t roll in the gutter,” Holley laughed. That’s not to say that things don’t get a little out of hand, however. Pre-teens and teenagers have attended shows with their parents, but the members of Schrodinger’s Cat really recommend the show for ages 18 and up. “If a rude noise or word sneaks in and we get a big reaction, we say, okay, let’s give them what they want,” said cast member David Bartlett, known for his deadpan delivery of punchlines. “I think that’s another reason people keep coming back is that you never see the same show twice.” “It’s very unpredictable for us and the audience,” Bridges agreed. “I think what’s very appealing about improv comedy is that everyone’s really invested in it. We don’t even know what other people are thinking. It’s completely spontaneous.” During Extreme Theater Games, the audience will see two teams of four in a mock competition judged by three other cast members. One cast member serves as host and the performance also includes musicians. There are no props and the backdrop is whatever play Le Chat Noir happens to be

doing at the time. “Usually, the viewer is somewhat familiar with the games the teams play because of ‘Who’s Line Is It Anyway?’” Bartlett says, referencing the popular, Drew Carey-hosted show. The host may ask for an audience suggestion, but Holley says no one need fear being forced to participate. “It’s just rude to pull somebody out of the audience if they don’t want to play,”

he said. “That would be bad vibes. We’re a friendly bunch. We may make fun of you on stage…” That’s not to say that the audience can’t return the favor, though. Especially if a cast member goes blue and indulges in scatological or sexual humor. In that case, he or she is ridiculed by all in a very inventive way; by wearing the asshat. “It is a hat that’s shaped like as ass. A buttocks bonnet, if you will,” Holley

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explained. “If you go blue, you must wear it and be shamed by the audience who sings the asshat song. The audience loves the asshat. I think they just enjoy singing the song.” After a year and a half, Schrodinger’s Cat cast members feel they have Extreme Theater Games well in hand and have recently branched out to another monthly performance, usually on the middle Thursday of the month, called Chicken Wire Comedy. It includes episodic improv and standup comedy. “We’ve only done three shows, but it’s a great way for our regular folks [at Extreme Theater Games] to see a different side of us,” Holley said. “We generally tend to get a younger crowd. It’s a little more rock ‘n’ roll, a little rowdier. It’s bare-knuckled improv… not for the weak of heart.” The group also hosts classes and workshops, and holds rehearsals open to the public the Tuesday after their First Friday performance. All are attempts to scout talent for future shows and better the company. Not that they’re anything to sneeze at right now. And even if they did have an off night, at least they can put it in perspective. “Anytime we have a first half that wasn’t that great,” Holley said, “we come off stage saying, ‘At least it wasn’t like the country club.’” Extreme Theater Games Le Chat Noir Friday, July 1 8 p.m. $8, advance; $10, door 706-722-3322 schrodingerscataug.com

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Nathan Saxon, Allison Griffin and Brad Hurt at the GreenJackets game at Lake Olmstead Stadium.

30 METRO SPIRIT 6.30.11

Sally King, Ashley Wesse and Whitney Wilson Hurt at the GreenJackets game at Lake Olmstead Stadium.

Lisa Allen, former Guns N’ Roses drummer Steve Adler, Laurie McCan and Jeanie Goodwin-Karow at the concert in the Jessye Norman Amphitheatre.

JENNY is WRIGHT

Jenny Wright lives in Summerville with her husband, who she calls The Man, and two kids, who she affectionately calls The Boy and The Girl. She enjoys taking photos, cooking and playing tennis.

Dream Weaver I believe we can make it through the night

Last week when I sat down to write, I knew what I was going to say. Well, sort of. I woke up that morning sure I’d come up with a brilliant idea as I was falling asleep the night before. I made a cup of tea and settled into the couch, ready to remember what it was. I thought, and thought (think, damnit!). I remembered. It was a dream. It was one of those dreams, though. You know, a full-color, almost entirely believable dream. Unfortunately, said topic only made sense to those actually in the dream. Back to square one. I’m notorious for talking while dreaming, often shouting Help! in the middle of a scary dream or having a conversation with The Man, rendering him awake and confused. While a student at UGA, three friends and I piled in the car for a road trip to an away football game. Once we got there, we ran into a large group of close friends (who happened to be guys) that had driven from Athens as well. In typical male fashion, they didn’t really have a plan, which also meant they didn’t have a place to stay. Although we just had a standard hotel room we offered our floor to all eight guys. Most of us were exhausted after a long day of tailgating, so we went back to the hotel early-ish to get some

sleep. A few stayed out. We didn’t have an extra key; they would just knock when they got there. To sleep we went. Several hours later, there was a knock at the door. Did I mention that the rest of us had been asleep for hours? Did I also mention that I’ve been known to talk while dreaming? Upon hearing the knock, I started talking. I knew I was talking. Even worse, I knew my words were absolutely ridiculous. I’d swear there was a StopIt Fairy running in super slow motion toward me, yelling NOOOOOOOOO!!! in that deep molasses StopIt voice. But I couldn’t stop it. Someone got up to answer the door. “It’s Dave’s dad,” I said emphatically. Silence. Everyone was so confused. Dave, who was of course with us, bolted up from would Dave’s dad be here?” his spot on the floor. Dave’s dad is Still in my sleepy stupor (say that a judge and he’d have no business three times quickly), I told them, showing up at our hotel room at 3 “We owe him money. Twenty dollars. a.m. Someone finally said, “Why

Pat Schaf fer with Tom and Dana Johnson at Villa Europa.

Jessica Ramos, Ayerl Vanorden and Jill Reeves at Vue.

Just give him the money.” I could hear snickering, which made me mad, though I was still not quite awake. “I KNOW WHAT I AM TALKING ABOUT,” I said angrily. More laughter. I was finally completely awake. OMG. At that point, all I could do was lay there quietly and pretend I was sleeping. I had to go to the bathroom but there was no way I was getting up to face my audience. I held it and eventually went back to sleep. We still laugh, wondering what Dave must’ve thought when he first heard me announce that his father was at the door. I really do love the fact that I have vivid dreams. They make sleep so much more exciting. I don’t like when I have to involve other people, though. Yesterday when I woke up I recalled another dream about The Spirit. I emailed Amy [Christian] my article and she tersely replied, “This is a temporary gig. We will not need your article this week or any other week in the future.” I hope that, in this case, dreams really don’t come true.

Margo Mealing and Tywanda Blalock at the North Augusta Greeneway.

METRO SPIRIT 6.30.11 31

CRISP The Season Blue Remains Downtown restaurant changes hands; plans dinner reopening

When Blue Sky Kitchen owner Barry Blackston made the decision last summer to shutter the restaurant in the evenings (except for First Fridays), many feared for the future of the long-time downtown restaurant. But Blackston said Tuesday that it was simply his first step towards an eventuality that happened last week with the sale of the restaurant to fellow downtowner Sae Shin, who owns 1102 Bar & Grill and Soy Noodle House. “It was an attempt by me to lessen the responsibilities that I have to deal with. I needed to simplify things and so that was my first step, cutting out the evening business,” Blackston said. “It was just one less, I hate to say headache, but one less thing for me to worry about. I didn’t get calls pulling me away from my family at night so that was a good thing.” Blackston and his wife Katie have two sons, two-year-old Bridger and five-weekold Bowie. “Anyone who’s ever run a restaurant knows that it’s a nonstop… the issues are nonstop,” Blackston explained. “There’s always a plumbing issue or an employee issue and it multiples when you own more than one business. Somebody’s got to cook if someone doesn’t show up. If the manager’s sick, somebody’s got to be there and it’s me.” Blackston and Matt Flynn opened Blue Sky Kitchen approximately 12 years ago in a prime spot on the corner of Ninth and Broad streets. They already owned Nacho Mama’s a couple of doors down and later opened Stillwater Tap Room next door to Nacho’s. “When I was young I think I handled it [restaurant issues] better,” Blackston said, “but now that I’m older and have a family, my priorities are a little bit different.” Blackston and Flynn are still partners in Stillwater, but Blackston had taken over sole ownership of both restaurants. Once Blackston’s second son was born, he said the need to simplify grew even greater. “I’ve been leaning toward it for a while and, after my son Bowie was born, I just decided that now was the time to do it,” he said.

32 METRO SPIRIT 6.30.11

Blackston sent word out two weeks ago. “I actually had three people call me within four days, but he [Shin] was the first person to physically approach me instead of call me on the phone,” he said. “It was literally a 30-minute conversation on Monday, he came in on Tuesday and hung out with me and watched the business flow, and, after we closed, he and I sat down and came to an agreement and shook hands. The next day it was done. I literally put the word out on Friday and had it sold by Wednesday.” Shin took control of Blue Sky at the beginning of this week and said he’s keeping the employees, the manager and, most importantly to some, the menu. “We’re going to keep everything the same because, like you said, people have been coming here for a long time and like the food here,” Shin said. “We actually may add some new items here in the future, but everything’s pretty much going to stay the same.” One change that Shin is making is reopening for dinner, which he says he hopes to implement by July 10. He said he’ll also cross-train his employees so they can work at all three restaurants. “Some people like working more than 40 hours a week,” he said. “Why not let them work for the other places downtown if they enjoy it?” Now that the sale is done, Blackston said he has no regrets, largely in part because he is selling it to a fellow downtown business owner. “He’s already downtown and that was important to me,” he said of Shin. “Having a business downtown is not the same as having one on Washington Road where there’s already a lot of traffic. Doing business downtown is different. It’s a little bit more technical downtown as far as business flow and I felt he would understand that and be a good fit.” And there’s still Nacho Mama’s, which he says patrons shouldn’t worry about at all. “Our 15th year is blowing away anything we’ve ever done. It’s super

Photography: jWhite

strong,” he said. “We have an extremely faithful customer base there. We actually just did, with the cycling event on Friday and the Gay Pride Festival on Saturday, the two biggest days we’ve ever done back to back, so it’s busy.” Between Nacho’s and his daytime

financial work at Stillwater, Blackston said he’s sticking around downtown for a long time. “I’m not going anywhere,” he said. “I’m firmly invested in downtown and will be for the rest of my life.”

gourmet R

Gourmet Relay is a weekly column in which local cooks share a recipe with Metro Spirit readers, then pass the tongs off to another cook of their choosing, who will be featured the following week. Tori Rowland Tori Rowland, mom to last week’s Gourmet Relay participant Evann Rowland, was born and raised in Augusta, where she met and married her high-school sweetheart, Greg. The couple has been married 26 years and has two daughters, Jordan, 22, and Evann, 18. The Rowlands lived here all of their lives until a job change for Greg moved them to Gainesville, Ga., 13 years ago. A similar circumstance brought them back to Augusta last summer, and Tori says the entire family is enjoying reestablishing relationships with old friends and family. Also having reconnected with their church, First Baptist of Augusta, Tori is active in The Bridge Ministry, which was established by New Hope Worship Center, and now First Baptist has partnered with New An avid golf fan, Tori also enjoys Hope in bringing church to many every attending Bible study fellowship, Saturday under the 15th Street bridge in reading, taking pictures and interior downtown Augusta. decorating. Mostly, however, Tori Tori grew up going to Clark Hill says she enjoys being with family and loves being at the lake, something and friends who make the everyday she has passed on to her daughters. things in life special. Quick Coconut Cake from the 1977 edition of the “Tea Time at the Masters” cookbook, my mom, Ruth Bowers, began making this cake when the cookbook first came out. She held that job until she got into her late 70s when I took over. I never knew it used a box cake mix until I started making it! It is so good. Mom is 86 now, and still enjoys this cake anytime I make it. 1 2 2 2 1

18 1/2 oz. box Duncan Hines Golden Butter cake mix cups sugar cups sour cream 9 oz. (or 3 6 oz.) packages frozen coconut, thawed 1/2 cups Cool Whip, thawed

Bake cake as directed using two layer pans. Split each layer in half. Combine sugar, sour cream and coconut. Chill. Reserve one cup sour cream mixture for frosting. Spread remainder between layers of cake. Combine reserved sour cream mixture with the Cool Whip. Blend until smooth. Spread on top and sides of cake. Store in airtight container in refrigerator for three days before serving. To quote the cookbook: “This cake is well worth waiting for!” It definitely is! Recipe notes: Only use Duncan Hines cake mix. We have tried it with other brands before and it does not come out nearly as well. Also, I use 9” pans which, because they are a little wider, keep the cake from being quite as tall, thus more stable since it has filling in between the layers. It is a good idea to put a few toothpicks in along the way to keep the layers from shifting, especially if it will be traveling. When the cookbook was originally published, frozen coconut must have come in 9 oz. packages more readily. I have gotten home from the store with two packages to find they were 6 ounces and had to go back, so that’s why I put that note in the recipe. Finally, if you just can’t wait, the cake can be eaten sooner, but try to give it at least two days in the fridge. You won’t be sorry!

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SAY WHAT?! By Patrick Berry / Edited By Will Shortz

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answers

DOWN 1 Some nest builders 2 Lacking color 3 Diesel engine manufacturer 4 Rented out 5 Packs 6 Checked out before robbing 7 Athlete who wrote “Off the Court” 8 Complete 9 “You’re mistaken” 10 Certificate on a wall, maybe 11 “___ Pearl” (Jackson 5 hit) 12 Gossip subject 13 One that’s passed along 14 Brute of fantasy 15 Sign symbol 16 Kipling poem about Burma 17 Lack of constraints 18 James of “X-Men” films 24 Lay the groundwork 26 Great body 29 Old West gambling game 32 Inevitable 34 “Rugrats” father 36 ___ artist (film crew member) 37 Soprano pineapple and others, briefly 38 Con ___ (tenderly) 39 Something that shouldn’t be flat 41 Patrons of the arts 42 Green-skinned god 43 Old Jewish community 44 Pines 45 “Puss in Boots” figure 46 Former carrier name 47 Land heavily 48 Acronymic weapon 50 “Mr. ___” (1983 Styx hit) 55 19th Amendment beneficiaries 56 Cable network with the motto “Not reality. Actuality.” 57 Panhellenic Games site 58 Elementary school grads, typically 63 Ascendant 64 Torch bearer 66 Key group 67 Objected to a shearing, possibly 68 Pines 69 “Shucks!” 71 With deviousness 72 Michael of “Juno” 73 Lodge 74 Diner of 1970s-’80s TV 77 Giveaway at the poker table 78 Make 79 Not just big 80 Fictional island in two Alistair MacLean novels 81 Augurs 85 Situated at the thigh 86 Bearer of a dozen roses, maybe 87 A, in Arnstadt 88 Turn down 93 Showing deviousness 94 Person of Perth 96 Nurses old grudges, say 97 Runcible spoon feature 98 Banks known as Mr. Cub 99 Wayne’s pal in “Wayne’s World” 100 Fish 101 TV host with “New Rules” 102 Unable to relax 104 Serious attention 105 Lemon juice, e.g. 106 Home of Hallvard’s ruined cathedral 107 Life saver?

previous week’s

ACROSS 1 Nursery sounds 6 Bates’s “Misery” co-star 10 Compadre 15 Having more than one band 19 Weapon, e.g., in military-speak 20 Regarding 21 Something well-preserved? 22 ___ avis 23 “I’ve heard enough, retail outlet!” 25 “I agree completely, dog-eared bit of paper!” 27 What you might get by moving a head? 28 “Stop right where you are, picture holder!” 30 “One if by land, two if by sea” and others 31 Extinguished, with “out” 33 Spots before your eyes? 34 Alaska Purchase negotiator 35 Symbol of royalty in old Egypt 36 Skunk, e.g. 38 Big-screen canine 40 Jeans brand 41 The majority 44 “You’re in danger, tall hill!” 49 Surname in a Poe tale 51 Check out 52 Like racehorses 53 Objectivist Rand 54 “The chair doesn’t recognize you, steakhouse and chophouse!” 59 Before, to Byron 60 Scorecard blemish 61 Lift provider 62 Vessels with spouts 65 Light TV fare 67 Sticky seedcase 68 Explorer Richard Byrd’s plane 70 Writing surface 71 Make nonsensical notes? 73 Roast V.I.P. 75 Work in the field 76 “I’d be miserable without you, tapestry!” 80 D.C.-based news source 82 Australia’s Lake ___ National Park 83 See 93-Across 84 Inasmuch as 85 “Goodbye, place I used to live!” 89 Philip with a 1975 best seller on C.I.A. secrets 90 Sistine Chapel ceiling figure 91 Like many sunscreens 92 Cessation 93 Is 83-Across 95 Big name in California wine 97 Endorser’s need 99 Another name for Buddha 103 Speak for everyone in the room 104 “Just keep doing what you’re doing, suitcases!” 109 One of the Bobbsey twins 110 “I read you loud and clear, breakfast meat!” 112 “It was all my fault, gun attachment!” 114 Over again 115 Pop singer Lopez 116 Addition to café 117 Keys in a chain 118 Amount that’s settled for 119 Caddie’s offering 120 “This looks like trouble!” 121 Manicurist’s aid

SAGITTARIUS (Nov. 22-Dec. 21)

free will Rob Brezsny

a s t r o l o g y freewillastrology@freewillastrology.com

CANCER (June 21-July 22)

A while back I asked my readers to propose a new name for your sign. The two best ideas were “Gateway” and “Fount.” For the next 12 months, you will have substantial potential to embody the meanings of both “Gateway” and “Fount.” LEO (July 23-Aug. 22)

What do you want to make happen in the next six months? For inspiration, read this from philosopher Jonathan Zap: “Identify your big dreams, the missions you really need to accomplish in this lifetime. The test of a big dream comes from asking yourself, ‘Will I remember this well on my death bed?’” VIRGO (Aug. 23-Sept. 22)

“The passion to explore is at the heart of being human,” said Carl Sagan. “This impulse has found expression in every culture.” Steven Dutch, a professor at the University of Wisconsin, disagrees.

Africans never discovered Madagascar or the Cape Verde archipelago, for example. Where do you fit? You’ll be on the move in the coming months. LIBRA (Sept. 23-Oct. 22)

In the coming months, you will experience more action than usual in your astrological eighth house, the sphere of sex, drugs and rock ‘n’ roll. I refer to it as the realm of deep connection, altered states of awareness and interludes that enrich your emotional intelligence. Are you ready? SCORPIO (Oct. 23-Nov. 21)

I hope you have been tidying up the messy karma that had been interfering with the free flow of grace into your intimate relationships. Throw yourself into it now. The renaissance of togetherness is due to begin soon. You don’t want any lingering ignorance, selfdeceit or lack of compassion to gum it up.

In 1498, Leonardo da Vinci completed “The Last Supper.” By 1556 Leonardo’s biographer considered the whole thing “ruined.” Over the centuries, further deterioration occurred, even as many experts tried to restore and repair it. Show a similar dedication to the art of regeneration. Work on bringing vitality back into what has fallen into decay. CAPRICORN (Dec. 22-Jan. 19)

I once asked whether you ever obsessed on a longing to such a degree that you missed opportunities to satisfy that longing. John G. sent me the following message: “We Capricorns don’t waste energy on dreamy feelings that may or may not be satisfied, since that energy is so much better funneled into mastering the details that will bring us useful rewards.” Make use of the capacities John G. describes. AQUARIUS (Jan. 20-Feb. 18)

“Truth is, everybody is going to hurt you,” sang Bob Marley. “You just gotta find the ones worth suffering for.” Have you been discerning in picking out allies whose value to you is so high that you’re willing to deal with their moments of unconsciousness? PISCES (Feb. 19-March 20)

Any minute now, you might start learning at a faster rate than you have since 2000. Any day now, you will be less

bored than you have been since 2006, and any week now you will be expressing more spontaneity than you have since early 2010. You will soon begin building toward that happy state. ARIES (March 21-April 19)

When astronaut Buzz Aldrin flew to the moon and back on Apollo 11 in 1969, he was paid less than $8 a day, one of the most flagrant cases of underpaid labor. Meditate on your relationship with money. Stay in an amused, spacious and philosophical frame of mind as you dream about your financial master plan for the years ahead. TAURUS (April 20-May 20)

The guiding words that best suit your needs are from mythologist Joseph Campbell: “If you can see your path laid out in front of you step by step, you know it’s not your path. Your own path you make with every step you take. That’s why it’s your path.” GEMINI (May 21-June 20)

Emma Goldman’s writing and speeches had a big impact on leftist politics in the first half of the 20th century. “If I can’t dance, I don’t want to be in your revolution,” she is alleged to have told a sourpuss colleague. Make sure your uprisings include pleasurable, even humorous elements.

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METRO SPIRIT 6.30.11

Verandah Grill at the Partridge Inn

Live Jazz Friday Great food. Live jazz. Drinks on the verandah watching the world go by. Relax.

French Market Grille New Orleans in the Garden City

French Market Grille

Surrey Tavern the original neighborhood bar

Saturday A pound of boiled crawfish $8.29. Two? $14.89. Laissez les bons temps rouler!

The Vue upscale dance club w/ occasional bands Sheehan’s Irish Pub the nicest pub ever Verandah Grill at the Partridge Inn Augusta’s best balcony

TakoSushi

Friday This is the night for the Hill crowd to be seen. Grab a drink and spill out onto the sidewalk with the rest of the guests.

Club Argos LGBT Crums on Central live jazz on weekends Helga’s med student heaven Bistro 491 fancy food with a sense of humor

Calvert’s Restaurant

Calvert’s Restaurant old school Continental

Sunset Dinner for Two Served Tuesday-Saturday from 5-6:30 p.m., this $32.95 special includes two salads, entrées from a rotating list and desserts. Impress.

Tako Sushi Asian / Mexican fusion

Rhinehart’s

Polka Dot Pig unique atmosphere & unique bar

Friday Night Date Night Two dinners for $21.21. It’ll fill ya up for sure! Yuengling and Coors Light are $1.99. Cherry lemonade (with a kick) is $2.50.

Sidetrack Bar & Grill by the railroad tracks Pizza Joint Beer Me Tuesday The Tavern at the Bean discreet, top shelf Laura’s Backyard Tavern Laura’s house Rhinehart’s backyard seafood

THE HILL

36 METRO SPIRIT 6.30.11

EVANEZ

WEST AUGUSTA

SOUTH AUGUSTA

Limelite Café

Carolina Ale House sports themed restuarant / feat. outdoor covered bar Limelite Cafe extensive beer selection

Sunday Funday Folks line up for $5 pitchers of PBR and $3 for shots that include Jaegerbombs, H-Bombs, etc, etc, etc.

Doubletree Hotel popular restuarant TakoSushi Asian / Mexican Fusion

Wild Wing Café

Tuesday, July 5 Hannah Thomas Southern soul. Hannah has opened for Zac Brown and Mother’s Finest.

French Market Grille West NOLA in the Garden City Malibu Jacks beach themed restaurant & bar Rack & Grill true pool hall Cadillacs cozy neighborhood spot

Cadillacs

Shannon’s old lounge / new look

Fridays-Saturdays Dance Party with DJ Doug features two for one shots at the back bar, Jell-O shots at the Tiki Hut and complimentary food during happy hour.

Allie Katz good cheap drinks Wild Wings Cafe live music 7 nights a week Cue & Brew great burgers Hooters hooters

Hooter’s

Somewhere In Augusta sports bar & grill

Wingsday Wednesday Ten boneless wings, fries and sauce for $5.99. Oh…and hot chicks.

Robbie’s Sports Bar true pool hall Country Club dance hall and saloon Cadwallader’s Cafe Italian flair

Robbie’s Sports Bar

Rae’s Coastal Cafe worth finding

Wednesdays-Thursdays Check out this killer pool hall. Pay $8 for unlimited games… and beer.

Rhinehart’s backyard seafood

Road Runner Cafe in front of Coyote’s Coyote’s great live music & DJs

THE HILL

EVANEZ

WEST AUGUSTA

SOUTH AUGUSTA

METRO SPIRIT 6.30.11 37

38 METRO SPIRIT 6.30.11

Manuel’s Bread Café

Manuel’s Bread Cafe - locally sourced bistro

Saturday the chef makes his own bread, harvest eggs, produce and herbs from a neighboring farm.

The Highlander - real Bristish pub

Augusta Canal - music on the water

Mellow Mushroom

Sweet Lou’s Crab Shack - Broad & 13th

Wednesday A House Calzone and a pint of Terrapin will get you over humpday in fine style.

Frog Hollow Tavern - upscale restaurant & bar / locally sourced

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Tropicabana - salsa. no chips. Pizza Joint - 40 beers on tap and slices Mellow Mushroom - plus full bar Sky City - large music venue Firehouse - proud downtown dive

1102 - block deep restaurant & bar

Metro Coffee House - coffee, beer, liquor, people

Soultry Sounds - jazz club Wicked Wasabi - authentic Japanese

Bees Knees - small plates

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Soy Noodle - Asian sensation New Moon Cafe - ecclectic grindhouse

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Metro A Coffeehouse

New Moon Café

Saturday Drink coffee during the day; late afternoons bring the locals out for a beer and weekend evenings fill up with med school students.

Friday Open late on First Friday, an iced coffee is perfect for strolling around Broad Street. Try the Mayan mocha for a spicy kick.

Rooster’s Beak - tacqueria w/ great ice cream Soul Bar - pure funk Playground - rock-n-roll Nacho Mama’s - rolling ‘em flat

Casa Blanca - JB White’s storefront Wheels - cool & on the corner The Loft - liquor with attitude Bar on Broad - contemporary South Beach vibe Club Rehab - upscale sportsbar Joe’s Underground - live music underneath Broad St. Tipsy McStumbles - confess later Sector 7G - laundromat turned landmark

H ST

Stillwater Taproom - blugrass before bluegrass was cool

12T

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The Bee’s Knees

Sunday Half off bottles of wine and $5 sangrias, martinis, Mojitos and Pimm’s Cups.

The Boll Weevil

Sunday Desserts are $4.59 all day. Order the Death by Chocolate Cheesecake.

Soy Noodle House

Tuesday Most go for the Bibimbap or the Pad Thai. Get the Boh Boon noodle salad.

Club Rehab

Thursday $12 gets you all the well drinks you can toss back, and Jell-O shots are $1. DD or Cab.

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Tipsey McStumbles

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The Rooster’s Beak

Monday All-Day Happy Hour serving $2 domestics, $3 wells and pints and $5 Irish Car Bombs from 4 p.m to close. Trivia starts at 9 p.m.

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The Sports Center - old school pool hall and burgers Luigi’s - Augusta institution Beamie’s Restuarant & Oyster Bar - taste of the beach downtown The Boll Weevil - great food and the best desserts Cotton Patch - eat, drink, be happy Mi Rancho - chips & salsa on the Savannah Cafe 209 - soul food & lounge La Maison on Telfair - fine dining & tapas Fox’s Lair - coolest bar in America

The Joker Lounge girls dancing nightly Fantasy Showgirls girls dancing nightly Discoteque girls dancing nightly

SOMETHING

TO DO?

Monday For over 60 years, Luigi’s has been a part of Augusta. You can’t live here and not go.

Nacho Mama’s

Sunday Now open Sundays. Margarita’s and fat burritos. Since 1996.

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Blue Horse Bistro - jazz tapas

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Eagle’s Nest - best view downtown

Thursday It’s half-price wine! Definitely a taqueria….but definitely not a normal one.

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Thursday, June 30 Live Music Coyote’s Pretty Petty French Market Grille West Doc Easton Smooth Jazz Joe’s Underground Keith Gregory Metro A Coffeehouse McNary One Hundred Laurens Kenny George Rose Hill Stables Preston & Weston Surrey Tavern Sibling String Wild Wing Concrete Jumpsuit The Willcox Four Cats in the Doghouse

What’s Tonight? Cadillac’s Karaoke Casa Blanca Thursday Tango Club Argos Karaoke Club Rehab Candy Stripers Cabaret Club Sparx Playlist with Shannon Cocktails Lounge Karaoke Fishbowl Lounge Karaoke Fox’s Lair Soup, Suds & Conversations Helga’s Pub & Grille Trivia Islands Bar & Lounge DJ Fred Nice The Loft Karaoke Mi Rancho (Downtown) Karaoke Mi Rancho (Evans) Karaoke Pizza Joint, Evans DJ Kris Fisher The Playground Open Mic with Brandy Shannon’s Karaoke Somewhere in Augusta Karaoke with Charles Soul Bar Boom Box Villa Europa Karaoke with Just Ben Wooden Barrel ‘80s Night Karaoke

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Mi Rancho (Downtown) Karaoke with Ryan Moseley Mi Rancho (Washington Road) Karaoke with Jeff Barnes Mi Rancho (Clearwater) Three J’s Karaoke Ms. Carolyn’s Karaoke Palmetto Tavern DJ Tim The Place on Broad Rock DJ Rebeck’s Hideaway Open Mic Roadrunner Cafe Karaoke with Steve Chappel Sky City First Friday ’80s Night w/ DJ Cielo; artwork by Sydney Marie Balogh and Tena Marie Aceto Soul Bar First Friday DJ Mix Tropicabana Latin Friday Wooden Barrel Karaoke Contest

Saturday, July 2 Live Music The Acoustic Coffeehouse Open Acoustic Jam Session with Eryn Eubanks and the Family Fold Blue Horse Bistro Live Music The Cotton Patch Old Man Crazy Country Club The Chris Lane Band Coyote’s Josh Hilley Joe’s Underground Randall & the Rest of ‘Em P.I. Bar and Grill Live Music Polo Tavern Jim Fisher Band Shannon’s Ray Thompkins Band Sky City Saturday Night Live Wild Wing Sun Dried Vibes

What’s Tonight?

Friday, July 1 Live Music Casa Blanca Susan Chase Country Club Josh Hilley Coyote’s Mama Says Doubletree Hotel A Step Up French Market Grille West Doc Easton and Karen Gordon Joe’s Underground Greene Arrow Laura’s Backyard Tavern Live Music One Hundred Laurens John Kolbeck Polo Tavern Robbie Ducey Band Shannon’s Bill Tolbert and the New BTUs Somewhere in Augusta 3 Olives Purple Surrey Tavern Soul Deminsions Wild Wing Shane Bridges Band The Willcox Kenny George

What’s Tonight? Cadillac’s DJ Doug Club Argos Variety Show Club Rehab DJ C4 Club Sparx DJ Rana and Music Explosion Cocktails Lounge Grown-Up Fridays with DJ Cork and Bull Pub Karaoke with Libby D. and Palmetto Entertainment Fishbowl Lounge Karaoke Iron Horse Bar & Grill Karaoke Islands Bar & Lounge Caribbean Night with DJ Spud

Cadillac’s DJ Doug Club Argos Variety Show Club Rehab DJ C4 Club Sparx DJ Wreboot House Party Cocktails Lounge Latin Night Fishbowl Lounge Karaoke Helga’s Pub & Grille Trivia Islands Bar & Lounge Reggae Night with Island Vybez The Loft Karaoke Mi Rancho (Downtown) Karaoke with Rockin Rob Mi Rancho (Clearwater) Karaoke with Danny Haywood Mi Rancho (Washington Road) Karaoke Ms. Carolyn’s Karaoke One Hundred Laurens DJ Kenny Ray The Playground DJ Fugi Tropicabana Salsa Saturday Wooden Barrel Kamikaze Karaoke

Sunday, July 3 Live Music Crums on Central Jim Perkins Jessye Norman Amphitheatre Candlelight Jazz w/ Not Gaddy Trio P.I. Bar and Grill Live Music Somewhere in Augusta Pretty Petty Wild Wing Old Man Crazy

What’s Tonight? Caribbean Soul Love Jones Sundays

Malibu Jack’s Karaoke with Peggy Mi Rancho (Downtown) Karaoke Mi Rancho (Washington Road) Karaoke, Salsa Dancing

Monday, July 4 Live Music Hopelands Gardens Brass to the Future Soul Bar Metal Monday

What’s Tonight? Applebee’s (Evans) Trivia Club Argos Karaoke Club Rehab Jenn’s Crazy Karaoke Malibu Jack’s Team Trivia with Mike Thomas Mi Rancho (Downtown) Karaoke with Danny Haywood Somewhere In Augusta Poker Tournament Wild Wing Trivia and ’80s Karaoke

Tuesday, July 5 Live Music Appleby Library Evenings in the Appleby Garden w/ Signal Corps Band Blue Horse Bistro Tim Sanders Cocktails Lounge Live Music Joe’s Underground Happy Bones Wild Wing Hannah Thomas The Willcox Hal Shreck

What’s Tonight? Club Argos Karaoke

Club Rehab Jenn’s Crazy Karaoke Club Sparx Karaoke with Big Tony Fishbowl Lounge Dart League Islands Bar & Lounge DJ Fred Nice Malibu Jack’s Karaoke with Denny Somewhere in Augusta Trivia with Charles

Wednesday, July 6 Live Music 209 on the River Smooth Grooves Cadillac’s Live Band Joe’s Underground Sibling String Shannon’s KE-JU Wild Wing Tiki Barflys The Willcox Hal Shreck

What’s Tonight? Club Argos Santoni’s Satin Dolls Club Rehab Jenn’s Crazy Karaoke Club Sparx Trivia Cocktails Lounge Augusta’s Got Talent The Cotton Patch Trivia and Tunes with Cliff Bennett Laura’s Backyard Tavern Karaoke The Loft Karaoke Mi Rancho (Downtown) Karaoke Mi Rancho (Washington Road) Karaoke with Rockin’ Rob The Place on Broad Jazz DJ The Playground Krazy Karaoke with Big Troy

Polo Tavern Karaoke with Tom Mitchell Somewhere In Augusta Trivia with Charles; The Comedy Zone w/ Just June and Roy Haber

Upcoming Dash Rip Rock Metro A Coffeehouse July 7 Papa String Band Stillwater Tap Room July 8 Blair Crimmons and the Hookers Stillwater Tap Room July 15 Dave Desmelik Band Stillwater Tap Room July 22 Merle Haggard Bell Auditorium August 6 Keith Urban James Brown Arena August 13 Casting Crowns USC-Aiken Convocation Center November 25

Elsewhere Florence and the Machine The Fox Theatre, Atlanta July 1 David Gray, North Charleston Performing Arts Center, Charleston, S.C. July 1 Jennifer Hudson Chastain Park Amphitheater, Atlanta July 2 Classic City American Music Festival w/ Nomad Artists, Packway Handle Band The Melting Point, Athens July 3 Zac Brown Band Verizon Wireless

Amphitheatre, Charlotte, N.C. July 3 Dead Confederate, The EARL, Atlanta July 8 Taylor Swift Time Warner Cable Arena, Charlotte, N.S. July 8 The Indigo Girls Atlanta Botanical Gardens July 9 Rihanna Chastain Park Amphitheatre, Atlanta July 12 Motley Crue, Poison, the NY Dolls Verizon Wireless Amphitheatre, Charlotte, N.C. July 12 Corey Smith Johnny Mercer Theatre, Savannah July 14 OAR Family Circle Magazine Stadium, Charleston, S.C. July 16 Elvis Costello North Charleston Performing Arts Center, Charleston, S.C. July 18 Wiz Khalifa Time Warner Cable Uptown Amphitheatre, Charlotte, N.C. July 21 Emmylou Harris Atlanta Botanical Gardens July 22 Bob Dylan, Chastain Park Amphitheatre, Atlanta July 28 Lucinda Williams, Fort Stewart Stadium, Hinesville July 30 311 Aaron’s Amphitheatre at Lakewood, Atlanta July 30

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earDRUM

The More Things Change…

I want you all to notice something about the Augusta musical collective consciousness (or scene, if you will). This is something that has been evident for some time to anyone who has spent any significant amount of time participating in or observing the life cycle of music in our town. It is incestuous. I think that in a city the size of Augusta, this happens out of necessity. The most fearlessly creative will forever be in search of that perfect combo, that musical alter-ego to bounce back the brilliance and shoot down the bad ideas. In general, I think the most talented players are the only ones who would even entertain the idea of playing original music well into their 30s,40s and 50s (and 60s and 70s if they’re blessed).

Let’s face it, for most musicians the rewards are largely personal and have nothing to do with financial security or health insurance or lasting relationships. (Other than with fellow musicians with whom they will never share a bed... thank god!) The reward for the observant is a pretty nifty trick. Like a chef who can take the same 12 ingredients (or 100 maybe in this case) and make use of four or five each time, the scene mixes itself up from time to time bringing one flavor or another to the fore in any given combination. Hence (to borrow a tired turn of phrase), everything old is new again. We had a few examples of that this past weekend. I first met Ken and Mindy Stephens in

2001 on Broad Street. They charmed me instantly and ended up pressing a demo CD into my hands. The couple and their music has never stopped charming me since. Last Friday, their band Livingroom Legends made a return to the stage to play a full-length set for the first time in three years. Stillwater Tap Room was the scene of the crime. To prove my original point, the band has included several drummers across the years (most notably my father Steve Allen and a drum machine). They stepped back into the arena this time with Steve Howard behind the drum kit. Steve has spent most of his time in heavier outfits including Debt of Nature,100 Year Sun and Deviltown. I look forward to more and more live and recorded music by this figurative and literal musical marriage. Ken and Mindy have written some of the most indelible local music I’ve had the pleasure to hear in 30 or so years of observation. Another example of merging musical paths was also on display the very same night at Sky City. Artemia released what is essentially their first full-length recording in “Something Special.” This band is a little bit of a musical Frankenstein also. Composed of

members of LiE, dieAgnostic and Suns Collide, one might think it to be very most metal sort of monster. They’d be mistaken. What this band is… well it’s not metal at all. Progressive to the point of being Zappa-esque maybe. Patently unafraid of being cheesy or crossing genre boundaries like they are suggestions instead of fences... definitely. Even though I generally don’t go in for that sort of stuff (I’m kind of a meat and potatoes guitar pop guy myself), I admire that. I can see Artemia appealing to lots and lots of folks locally and at large. Check out their new record at artemia. bandcamp.com. Tell em I sent ya. If you’d like to hear what’s in heavy rotation in my earbuds, check out the latest record by Jason Isbell and The 400 Unit called “Here We Rest.” Just try not to get whiplash from the abrupt endings on that record... for there are several. It’s delicious produce. See y’all at the rock show. Brian Allen Brian Allen is a local music fan whose weekly podcast, confederationofloudness.com.

10 Questions with Kurt Garin

Kurt Garin, singer/guitarist for Eat Lightning, is one of my favorite local musicians. So I decided to ask him a few questions about himself and the band.

Coco Rubio: Rumor has it you are leaving Augusta: true or false? Kurt Garin: It’s true. My girlfriend is going to grad school in Atlanta and I’m going there for support. CR: How will this affect the band? KG: We won’t be able to get together and practice as much. The plan is to get into a studio and record. Recorded music is the most important thing to me. Ever since I was kid I have enjoyed listening to records. Music that is special to me has always been able to stir up these great and strange emotions simply by listening to the record. It is a lofty goal, but that is what we attempt to make. We don’t exist to only play shows. CR: Most of your music is available online. When can we expect a proper hard copy album or CD? KG: The only thing that I am sure about is that it will happen. I think that the hard-copy product, at least in compact disc form, is sort of becoming a thing of the past. When we get the

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record finished, of course we will put out something physical. CR: Where has the band recorded? KG: In our rehearsal room and at my house, just for kicks. We have produced all of the recordings and lately we have been recording live in order to document the songs in raw form and get them out there. CR: Best gig? KG: Last November at the Augusta Memory Walk. It was cold outside and we were standing there playing our songs. It was great. The novelty of it stands out in my mind. CR: Worst gig? KG: I always like playing, and nothing terrible has ever happened at any of our performances, so nothing stands out. Sometimes we play better than others, but I have found that has nothing to do with how the audience perceives the performance. CR: Favorite Augusta band? KG: The Cubists

CR: When’s your next local gig? KG: Saturday, July 16, at Sky City with Turf War and The Shaun Piazza Band. We’ll be recording that one as well. CR: You were an avid cyclist at one time. Do you still ride or do you have other hobbies beside music? KG: I do not ride anymore. I will occasionally hop on the bike and commute somewhere but I have no desire to train for racing. I started playing guitar six years ago after I quit racing. I lived for cycling then, and I used that same

passion to learn how to make music. I went downtown last Friday to watch the Elite National Championships and I missed racing a little bit. CR: What’s the coolest thing about Augusta? KG: It’s home. See you downtown! Coco

the download Matt Stone

Matt Stone can be heard weekdays from 3-7 p.m. on 95 Rock Raw.

Who Charted? Is Insanely Good Comedian Howard Kremer teams up with his trusty chartkeeper Kulap Vilaysack (good luck pronouncing that one) each week to count down this past week’s chart toppers with the podcast, Who Charted? Get it? Sounds like sharted. I have the mind of a 13-year-old. Still don’t get it? Hit up the Google machine (“Along Came Polly,” NSFW). It’s probably my favorite title for a podcast; it’s humorous and describes the show perfectly in two words. Kremer and Vilaysack cover everything from movies to music, and then bring out the most ridiculous charts that let you know more about that week’s guest. Good example of a ridiculous chart:

when Dave Koechner (“Anchorman,” “Always Open,” etc.) was on the show, he had a chart for the most famous water towers in America, and No. 5 was in Koechner’s hometown. For music portion of Who Charted?, you never know what you are going to get. It could be this week’s top iTunes singles chart, top albums in Europe, Heatseekers Music Chart… the list goes on and on. For movies, it’s the latest top 5 at the box office in the U.S. Who Charted? is probably the most random podcast I have listened to yet; you never know which direction it’s going. Kremer has a way of asking the most insane questions, and then is made fun of for it.

You may have seen Kremer on the MTV show “Austin Series,” his performances on “Jimmy Kimmel Live” or on his very own Comedy Central Presents. But for me, Kremer was new. I’m 90 percent sure that he is insane. I mean, something’s not right upstairs. That’s probably why the podcast is so entertaining. He has an obsession with it being summer, which he calls “summah.” He also has an obsession with finding a “summah gum”; he took weeks to decide on one brand of gum that he plans on chewing the whole “summah.” See what I mean? Of course, the guests on the show help. Some of my favorites so far have been comedian Paul F. Tompkins,

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Thomas Lennon from “Reno 911” and the before mentioned Dave Koechner. Who Charted? is part of the podcast network Earwolf, created by Scott Aukerman (writer/director of “Between Two Ferns” with Zach Galifianakis). Aukerman is also married to the co-host of Who Charted?, Vilaysack. (Easy way to get the job. I’m kidding, she’s funny.) To get your fill of Kremer and Vilaysack, download this week’s latest podcast of Who Charted? It’s kind of hard to go back and listen to old episodes because who cares what charted in December of last year besides Santa and Jesus?

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With a new collective bargaining agreement seemingly only a matter of months — maybe even weeks — away, soon we can relax and finalize our fall plans around watching our favorite NFL teams in whatever fashion we please. Once those papers are signed, they eliminate the marquee storyline of the off-season and solve all the awkward tension between players, coaches and front office personnel. What it doesn’t eliminate, however, is a problem that can’t be solved with paper and pen. Concussions. “You can get a concussion in any sport,” says Robert Leslie, senior athletic trainer at Sports Medicine Associates (SMA). “Recently we had a baseball player playing in a summer league game; he got tripped up turning a double play, fell on his head and got a bad concussion. It can happen anywhere, anytime.” The game is simply too fast — and not just in the NFL; in general, athletes presently are bigger, faster and stronger than they have ever been. This is coupled with intense specialization in each sport. As fans we reap the benefits of their labor and skill and are left breathless as they shatter records and confound pre-existing physical limitations. For a long time, the easiest way to handle concussions was primarily in preventive methods. The brain is something of a wonder to try and navigate objectively, so coaching a kid to not lead with his helmet on a tackle was the easiest way to cut down on head injuries. But things are going to happen that are sometimes unavoidable, and with all the money and research thrown towards post-concussive assessment these days, that trickle-down effect has helped bring one of the preeminent concussion testing programs to the CSRA, and it’s now available exclusively at the SMA Sports Concussion Center. ImPACT (Immediate Post-Concussion Assessment and Cognitive Testing) is the first, most-widely used, and most scientifically validated computerized concussion evaluation system. It’s used by the NFL, NHL, NBA, MLB and many colleges and high schools throughout the country. The test itself does not take place of the evaluation from the physician, but supplements and acts as a starting point and early indicator as to where the athlete was before the injury and where they currently stand in comparison to their baseline test results. Every individual displays the symptoms of a concussion differently, thus creating a dangerous guessing game with parents and coaches that can range from the athlete being severely concussed or just having his “bell rung.” “It gives us a more objective way to determine if they’re still suffering from the symptoms,” says Dr. Robert Gambrell, a physician at SMA. “We’re worried about sending them back too early. The concern arises from a condition called ‘Second Impact Syndrome’ (SIS) — which is when someone returns to play while they are still suffering from the concussion, leaving their brain exposed to severe neurological damage caused by even a small amount of trauma to the head.” The ImPACT program consists of taking the baseline test, physician evaluation and follow-up testing to determine when the athlete can safely return to play. If you have any questions about ImPACT, or if you would like to schedule your baseline testing, call Sports Medicine Associates at 706-210-7529 or visit smaaugusta.com.

44 METRO SPIRIT 6.30.11

advice goddess Amy Alkon

The Shopping Cart Before the Horse I had to talk a guy friend out of showing up on a first date with a rose and a book the woman had casually mentioned she liked. He’s a genuinely nice guy and professionally quite successful, but he repeatedly turns women off by coming on too strong too soon with these gifts. Can you please explain to guys why they shouldn’t do this? — Woman Who’s Been There It’s a really bad idea for a guy to give flowers to a girl he’s just meeting, unless she’s just won the Kentucky Derby. In that case, he could also slip her a carrot and slap her on the rump. Unless a woman shows up for your first date wearing a saddle, limit your gifts to an on-time arrival and smelling

like you’ve showered recently. Anything more comes off like a sales promotion: “Date your way to a free panini maker! Trip to Mazatlan after five completed sex acts!” Selling a woman on liking you before you see whether you like her suggests you have wildly low standards. You’ll take any woman who’s a woman and not in jail or too busy filing a restraining order against you to meet you for a drink. Evolutionary psychologist Gad Saad, author of the terrific new book “The Consuming Instinct,” has studied the timing of gift-giving in romantic relationships. He explained to me that courtship behaviors need to be modulated in their timing and frequency.

That Special Thumb One This guy I’ve gone out with only contacts me late at night via text. I work early, and I’m always about to go to sleep when he texts, but because he so rarely contacts me, I always respond. I’ve told him repeatedly I’d like to talk during daylight hours and given him my work number. How do I get him to call during the day instead of playing Textmaster Flash until midnight? — Eye Bags There’s a reason he won’t contact you during daylight hours, and it isn’t because he’s a vampire and that’s when he lies in his coffin watching Judge Judy on his iPad. You’ve actually been setting the time for your texting sessions. Nothing says “How dare you text me at 11 p.m.?!” like spending 20 minutes texting with a guy who just has. Think about what you’re telling him:

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All he has to do is make a bell ring, and you’ll roll over and start texting. (Are you looking to be somebody’s girlfriend or Pavlov’s dog?) The fact that a guy “rarely” contacts you is all the more reason to avoid texting him back pronto. It’s absence, not unlimited text messaging, that makes the heart grow fonder. If you want a guy to respect your boundaries, show him that you have them. When he texts you too late, wait till the next morning and send him a single text telling him you go to bed early and asking him to call you during the day. If he can’t swing that, let him call the sort of woman who’ll pick up the phone for a man at any hour — whispering sweet nothings like “Thank you for choosing 24-hour roadside assistance. This is Erica. Do you need a jump or a tow?”

“Telling a woman that she looks beautiful is nice. Repeating it 35 times during dinner is not. It creates an asymmetry in the power dynamics that renders the guy less attractive.” Likewise, giving gifts too early in dating “reeks of desperation,” Saad said. “Recall that many women are attracted to alpha males who can otherwise only be ‘tamed’ by the love of the one unique woman (the classic rendition of the male archetype in romance novels). If the guy is swooning all over the woman on the first date, there is nothing to tame.” There’s that saying that gifts should be given from the heart, which always makes me flash on gift-wrapping Grandpa’s stent. But, as a rule, you

shouldn’t give a present to a woman until you’ve worked up some affection for her and she seems to have some for you. Expensive gifts early on tend to make a woman who isn’t a gold digger uncomfortable and tell a woman who is that you’re a prime chump. Instead, give fun, inexpensive things that tell her you were listening when she said she loves monkeys and weren’t just saying “Yeah, uh-huh” and running baseball stats in your head. By showing that you care about what’s special to her, you’re telling her that she’s becoming special to you, sending the message “It had to be you,” as opposed to “It could’ve been anyone, but you’ll do.”

©2011, Amy Alkon, all rights reserved. Got a problem? Write Amy Alkon, 171 Pier Ave, #280, Santa Monica, CA 90405, or email adviceamy@aol.com. Also visit advicegoddess.com and read Amy Alkon’s book: “I See Rude People: One Woman’s Battle to Beat Some Manners Into Impolite Society” (McGraw-Hill, $16.95).

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austin R

World Ends… Disabled Vets Hardest Hit All over the country there are citizens and construction foremen who end up at odds with residential associations after running afoul of what is almost always described as “oppressive and hard to understand” rules and covenants. Interesting thing about those often nasty battles; every single one of them begins when someone willfully puts themselves under said “oppressive and hard to understand” rules and covenants. The cries from the uninformed masses that last week’s showdown between the group attempting to build a free home for a disabled veteran and the Knob Hill Home Owners Association was about his race or his working class background, rather than legitimate construction concerns, were laughable. Knob Hill has plenty of active-duty military families, as well as veterans, and if you drive around the neighborhood you will see firsthand a rich mix of human beings. So

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in that wonderfully diverse group, just who is it that has it out for a disabled, black war veteran? Not a damn soul, and certainly not the HOA Board of Directors. The Estate section of Knob Hill has a particularly harsh set of guidelines. Those who have chosen to do that know what a bear it can be to stay compliant, and God bless the poor soul who tries to get away with breaking the rules. The rules are harsh, because that is the way the people who originally wrote them wanted them to be. If you want to maintain an “elite” or “tight ship” atmosphere in any such neighborhood or organization, such strict rules of performance and maintenance are required. Let me give you a few examples of groups with tough standards that often seem to be restrictive or harsh, that people willingly subject themselves to: Davidson Fine Arts Magnet School, The Navy Seals, The Federal Bureau of Investigation, The

The views expressed are the opinions of Austin Rhodes and do not necessarily represent the views of the publisher. American Bar Association, The Medical College of Georgia’s M.D. Program. Those exclaiming that the charitable organization Homes For Our Troops should have been granted all types of construction waivers just so the family of a 100 percent disabled war veteran could get their free house are simply not approaching the issue with anything other than sentimentality and misplaced patriotism. The very first submission by the charity group to the KB HOA showed they intended to build a 2600 square foot house with vinyl siding and a front facing garage. All three details forbidden in the extensive rules that were handed to the group the day they took title to the $85,000, .3 acre lot. That was not only three strikes in their first at-bat, but it also proves that either the builder did not bother to even glance at the rules (pretty bad), or he intended to ignore the rules outright and do things his own way (even worse). He was called on his weak hand, and rather than admit that the budget conscious organization had no business planning a middle class home for such a neighborhood, he attempted to use the media and an angry mob to force the point.

When finally forced to admit that they could not and would not build to the HOA standard, HFOT founder John Gonsalves announced they would look to build elsewhere, with the veteran’s family telling the world that they no longer felt welcome in the Knob Hill neighborhood, even though they had been embraced as part of that community (in their rental home) for some months. Good. They need to go where their home fits, and certainly where they are happy. Wish my former house fit the bill (it is not handicap friendly); I would sell it to them with a smile. A disabled vet deserves every consideration and benefit from his neighbors; however, a permanent home that he will own only temporarily (as with us all), deserves no such special consideration. If the HOA had caved on the original submitted plan, you would have had homes worth a half million dollars sitting next to homes that were worth much less (because, by law, if they accepted this one, they would have to accept all of them that applied), and we all know that doesn’t work. Unless you live in Murphy Village.