Metro Spirit 08.28.2003

METRO SPIRIT Aug. 28-Sept. 3 Vol. 15 No. 4

Augusta’s Independent Voice

Farmers Market Downtown The Rise and Fall of WBBQ

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LEARN, GROW, BECOME…

M E T R O S P I R I T

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Contents Metro Spirit

A U G U S T 2 8 - S E P T E M B E R 3 • F R E E W E E K LY • M E T R O S P I R I T. C O M

The Fort Gordon Dinner Theatre Presents...

M E T R O

Neil Simon’s all time classic comedy!

September 12, 13, 19, 20, 25, 26 & 27, 2003

ON THE COVER

Dinner, 7 p.m. / Show, 8 p.m. $30-Civilians, $28-Seniors (65 & over), Retirees, DA Civilians & Active Duty E8 & Above, $17-Active Duty E7 & Below, $12-Show Only

Augusta Responds to the Farmers Market

By Rhonda Jones ........................................16 Cover Design: Stephanie Bell Photography: Jimmy Carter

Call 793-8552 for reservations or visit www.fortgordon.com Produced in cooperation with Samuel French Inc. and the Army Entertainment Program.

FEATURES

The Rise and Fall of WBBQ By Amy Fennell Christian..................................................24

Opinion

THE CATHOLIC CHURCH OF THE MOST HOLY TRINITY Rite of Christian Initiation of Adults

Whine Line ......................................................................4 Words ...............................................................................4 This Modern World .........................................................4 Thumbs Up/Thumbs Down ............................................8 Suburban Torture ............................................................8 Insider ............................................................................10 Austin Rhodes ...............................................................12

• Are you looking for a new direction in your life?

• Would you like to have a deeper relationship with Jesus Christ, in the theology and teaching of the Catholic Church?

• Do you feel empty, wounded, or rest less in your spiritual life?

Metro Beat

• Are you interested in becoming a Catholic Christian?

• Have you never been fully initiated into the Catholic faith through the Sacrament of Confirmation?

• Are you a lukewarm Catholic who would like to be refreshed in Catholic truths?

Civic Center Talks Cleanup and Questionable Deals ..............................................................................14 Majority at Aviation Commission a No-Show ............16 Funding Shortfall Plagues City ....................................18

Arts

“Rocky Horror” Isn’t Just for Halloween Anymore ...32 Art Exhibits in and Out of Town ..................................40 See “Rumors” in September .......................................42

“Rocky Horror” Isn’t Just for Halloween Anymore........................32

Events

8 Days a Week .............................................................34

Cinema

Movie Listings .............................................................44 Review: “Marci X” ........................................................47 Review: “The Medallion” .............................................48 Movie Clock ..................................................................49

Music

Sense of Humor Vital to Troubled Hubble ....................50 Music by Turner ..............................................................51 Malcolm Holcombe Brings Poetic Music to Stillwater .........................................................................52 Music Minis ....................................................................54 Night Life .........................................................................55

Stuff

News of the Weird ........................................................58 Brezsny's Free Will Astrology ......................................59 New York Times Crossword Puzzle ............................59 Amy Alkon: The Advice Goddess ................................60 Date Maker ...................................................................61 Classifieds .....................................................................63

EDITOR & PUBLISHER David Vantrease ARTS & ENTERTAINMENT EDITOR Rhonda Jones STAFF WRITERS Stacey Eidson, Brian Neill ADVERTISING SALES MANAGER Joe White ACCOUNT EXECUTIVES Kriste Lindler, Kristen Chandler PRODUCTION MANAGER Joe Smith GR APHIC ARTISTS Stephanie Bell, Natalie Holle, Erin Lummen ASSISTANT TO THE PUBLISHER Meli Gurley ACCOUNTING MANAGER/CLASSIFIEDS Sharon King ARTS & ENTERTAINMENT ASSISTANT Lisa Jordan CIRCULATION DIRECTOR Meli Gurley SENIOR MUSIC CONTRIBUTOR Ed Turner CONTRIBUTING WRITERS Chuck Shepherd, Rob Brezsny, Austin Rhodes, Amy Alkon, Rachel Deahl CARTOONISTS Tom Tomorrow, Julie Larson

METRO SPIRIT is a free newspaper published weekly on Thursday, 52 weeks of the year. Editorial coverage includes ar ts, local issues, news, enter tainment, people, places and events. In our paper appear views from across the political and social spectrum. The views do not necessarily represent the views of the publishers. Visit us at www.metrospirit.com. Copyright © The Metropolitan Spirit Inc. Reproduction or use without permission is prohibited.

Phone: (706) 738-1142 Fax: (706) 733-6663 E-mail: spirit@metrospirit.com Letters to the Editor: P.O. Box 3809, Augusta, Ga. 30914-3809

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If you answered “yes” to any of these questions, the R.C.I.A. process may be just what you are looking for.

The R.C.I.A. (Rite of Christian Initiation for Adults) is a journey of the faith that offers you a challenge for a vibrant new spirituality in your life.

The R.C.I.A. is about conversion and understanding the doctrines and the theology of the Catholic Church.

It is a growing awareness of what Catholic’s believe and profess.

It is an experience that calls for change; change that is rooted in the Gospel of Jesus Christ.

The R.C.I.A. is an opportunity to experience spirituality as you may have never experienced it before by sharing in the teachings and traditions of the Catholic Church.

The R.C.I.A. process will help you to understand Catholic liturgy and worship and the Sacraments of the Church.

For more information: Director of R.C.I.A. Church of the Most Holy Trinity P.O. Box 2446 Augusta, GA 30903 or email: kmp_mht@bellsouth.net

706.722.4944

S P I R I T A U G 2 8 2 0 0 3

4 M E T R O S P I R I T A U G 2 8 2 0 0 3

Whine Line W

hy do people have dogs and then choose to abuse/neglect them? I see so many that are chained up to a tree, unable to move around. They do not have proper shelter and are in the hot sun all day. Most have little or no water or food. If you can’t deal with a life-long commitment, then don’t take these dogs home with you just to mistreat them. It is sickening.

Why can’t the people of south Augusta get a simple left turn signal at the intersection of Tobacco Rd. and Peach Orchard Rd. It has three, but the Gracewood School side doesn’t. I have watched school buses run red lights to make a left turn!

Where’s Charlie? Norwood should come out of hiding and state his position about dumping the Corp of Engineers at Lake Thurmond. Norwood is home for the August recess, but maybe he left for Washington early when the issue got too hot to handle.

I am with everyone else that is tired of Clear Channel and other media monopoly big shots. They not only take ESPN Radio off the air and give us a Fox Sports crap channel, they also fire the DJs of WBBQ as if it could be their fault. How about allowing the program manager the total freedom of creating a music program?

From the Eagle to Y105, the music is stale and overplayed. To the local Clear Channel Radio channels that play the so-called “deep cuts,” it is no longer a rare track when we have heard it everyday for the past three weeks! Please. Where are you, Ed Turner?

Champ Walker is a treasure.You can’t beat having someone like him around to laugh at. Looking at the camera, waving with that huge smile on his face while the FBI and GBI raid his daddy’s office, is a priceless image I’ll keep with me for a while. He reminds me of the idiot son from the “Smokey and the Bandit” movies that tried

to keep his dad’s hat from blowing off.

Why hasn’t anyone noticed the bad conditions of the roadways in the area around the Eve Street bridge on Goodrich Street and the spillway on the canal? It has been this way for quite some time; it needs to be scraped regularly or just pave it. But with all the work being done to the Augusta Canal and area, you would think they would want to fix the roadway, because the public would like to make use of the canal heritage without tearing up their vehicles trying to get to the parking lot.

Wow! I lived in Augusta for 14 years and I’ve been away for 3 1/2 years now, but nothing has changed. There’s still the same bunch of recycled incompetents running the city, as well as the same yo-yos on the commission, same yo-yos on the Civic Center board, same yo-yos on the aviation board, same black/white BS, and same micro-managing. These “leaders” need to wake up and realize that Augusta has a bleak future, SRS will be cutting jobs soon, Fort Gordon is subject to elimination in the next round of base closings and many of the largest employers, such as Club Car and E-Z-GO, are in no-growth businesses. Wake up Augusta!

To Richmond County’s Jeff Padgett and the Board of Education, the principals at Hephzibah Middle School and Goshen Elementary for not allowing me to dress my children the way I see fit, not to bend one iota: My eighth-grade child got in trouble for wearing a white shirt with three flowers on it; my six-year-old got in trouble for wearing a white shirt with a unicorn on it and my nine-year-old son got in trouble for wearing a red, white and blue shirt that wasn’t solid. I think that a parent has the right to dress their child if we dress them neat.

I just took a look at Sonny Pittman’s campaign Web site. Voters in super district 10 need to take a careful look at Mr. Pittman’s

Words “We will not be silenced!”

— Former state Sen. Charles Walker, as quoted in his newspaper, the Augusta Focus, after his business offices were raided by federal agents. An editorial in the same paper said that the raid was “a carefully contrived media event designed to silence a vocal critic of the corrupt Augusta power structure.”

A vocal critic of the corrupt Augusta power structure? What, was the guy standing in front of a mirror?

site. One thing is for sure — you can tell who Mr. Pittman is going to serve.

Marcie Wilhelmi, you should be ashamed.

Ken Kraemer is the one who should be flabbergasted and in disbelief. And guess what — $3.5 million that came to the airport was not because of Max Burns; it was because of Ken Kraemer. Get a grip!

All this about this queer show on Channel 26 is getting ridiculous. Seems like these queers should realize we no more want them to push their agenda off on us. As the fellow says here, “Stop pushing your religious principle on us.” I think it’s stupid.

We don’t need queers on TV like that, flaunting their deviant ways.

To the person whining about old people and hot cars: You have to be 50 years old to be able to afford the insurance on them.

It’s ludicrous how liberal the Metro Spirit has gotten. You always print comments from the left, but never the facts from the right. The Metro Spirit used to be a great weekly for political jabs from all sides but apparently the present Whine Line editor can’t handle the truth from the right. Bill

Clinton was the most unethical, corrupt, deceitful and duplicitous president in history and you people are just a bunch of Clinton apologists.

The rain tax and full-time commission chairman’s position in Columbia County are both jokes! Flash flooding is more prevalent than ever and Ron Cross, our new full-time commission chairman, does nothing but wander around the government complex aimlessly.

The “Pravda” style of the Disgusta Chronicle ensures that the same 12 rednecks write the same kind of letters about the same kind of whacko things week after week. The paper is hardly worth buying, and it’s even worse to work at that dump.

I am a homosexual. Yet I do not let my life revolve around the fact that I am such. I am a normal, healthy, active, intelligent person.

I do not need television shows that feature my lifestyle. I do not need celebrations or festivals to reaffirm the fact that I was born different than other people. I do not need anyone else to tell me that it is OK to be this way, and I do not care to hear anyone continued on page 6

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6 continued from page 4 M E T R O S P I R I T A U G 2 8 2 0 0 3

else’s opinion on the matter. If I want to share a kiss with my boyfriend in public, I will do so. Do not be surprised if I am holding his hand in a restaurant, and I completely ignore your stares and mumbled insults. The “ideals” of old are fading away fast, and I believe for the better. Ask any member of generation X or O if they know anyone who is gay, and nine out of 10 of them will say, “Yes, my friend is.”

The Augusta Fire Department chief needs to notify the Regal 20 property owner(s) to place signs prohibiting “fire lane” parking at 1144 Agerton Lane. I have seen dozens of cars (including taxis) parked at the yellow “fire lane.” If a fire truck or ambulance needed access, they would have problems. I

hope this will serve as a notice so you can not say you did not know about the problem.

Parents are responsible for their child’s education. It’s parents who’ve first stopped caring. The teachers became tired of playing referee with the children and decided to leave the school district or the teaching career. Administrators came to the conclusion that it is a no-win situation and they hire uncertified teachers. For the few children wanting to be educated but are struggling, they cannot go home after school and ask their parents for help because the child’s intellect exceeds their parents’.

Does anyone think more administrators will improve the education system? How much of the education budget goes for

administration? Is there a “truancy” officer in either Columbia or Richmond County?

What can a teacher do if a child refuses to bring in homework? How can you teach a child who doesn’t attend school? I agree that more money does not mean smarter students. What will make smarter students is students who attend school, do homework and have parents who ensure their children are not disruptive in class.

Can Lowell Greenbaum please shut up!

“Queer Eye for the Straight Guy” — gay guys putting some “style” in some befuddled bland man. OK, let’s try “White Eye for the Black Guy” — A group of yuppie white guys help get the “street” out of a black man. Think that show would last one

week? Better yet, “Black Eye for the White Guy.” You get the idea. Don’t kid yourself. As out-of-control as our culture is, it’s just a matter of time before the copycats start cashin’ in.

Hey Austin. Your bitterness with what’s happened to you and your married life is coming through on the radio show. You need to calm down. The people who call your show didn’t have a thing to do with what has happened in your personal life.

Quit acting like an angry teenager and go on with your life. And, by the way, marriage may not be for you!

continued on page 8

SPECIAL LOCAL OPTION SALES TAX (SPLOST) TOWN HALL MEETINGS We would like to invite you to attend the following Town Hall Meetings, which have been scheduled to provide you, the citizenry we serve, an opportunity to receive and share information regarding the proposed Phase V SPLOST. We look forward to seeing you! Together we can make a difference.

Districts

Commissioners

Committee Representatives

Date

Place

Henry Brigham 7:00 P.M. Community Center Senior Building

1 9

Lee Beard Willie Mays

Oct. 23

Eastview 7:00 P.M. Community Center

Sept. 11

McDuffie Woods 7:00 P.M. Community Center

4 9

Richard Colclough Willie Mays

Oct. 30

Gracewood 7:00 P.M. Community Center

Sept. 18

McBean 7:00 P.M. Community Center

6 10

Andy Cheek Bill Kuhlke

Oct. 30

Gracewood 7:00 P.M. Community Center

Sept. 23

Bernie Ward 7:00 P.M. Community Center

1 9

Lee Beard Willie Mays

Nov. 6

Julian Smith Casino 7:00 P.M.

Sept. 23

Bernie Ward 7:00 P.M. Community Center

7 10

Tommy Boyles Bill Kuhlke

Nov. 6

Julian Smith Casino 7:00 P.M.

Sept. 30

Warren Road 7:00 P.M. Community Center

8 10

Ulmer Bridges Bill Kuhlke

Nov. 13

Blythe 7:00 P.M. Community Center

Oct. 2

Henry Brigham 7:00 P.M. Community Center Senior Building

4 9

Richard Colclough Willie Mays

Nov. 20

Jamestown 7:00 P.M. Community Center

Oct. 14

W.T. Johnson 7:00 P.M. Community Center

6 10

Andy Cheek Bill Kuhlke

Nov. 20

Jamestown 7:00 P.M. Community Center

Oct. 9

Augusta State Washington Hall Student Center 4th Floor

8 10

Ulmer Bridges

Ellis Albright Marion Barnes Ben Allen Madine Cummings Monty Osteen (Mayor’s Appointee) Nathaniel Charles Michael Simmons Ben Allen Madine Cummings Monty Osteen (Mayor’s Appointee) Michael Wilkins Robert Anderson Jimmy Smith Paul Menk Monty Osteen (Mayor’s Appointee) Ellis Albright Marion Barnes Ben Allen Madine Cummings Monty Osteen (Mayor’s Appointee) Wayne Hawkins Sonny Pittman Jimmy Smith Paul Menk Monty Osteen (Mayor’s Appointee) Lori Williams J.B. Powell Jimmy Smith Paul Menk Monty Osteen (Mayor’s Appointee) Nathaniel Charles Michael Simmons Ben Allen Madine Cummings Monty Osteen (Mayor’s Appointee) Michael Wilkins Robert Anderson Jimmy Smith Paul Menk Monty Osteen (Mayor’s Appointee) Lori Williams J.B. Powell Jimmy Smith Paul Menk Monty Osteen (Mayor’s Appointee)

Dec. 4

Hephzibah 7:00 P.M. Community Center

Districts

Commissioners

Committee Representatives

Date

Place

5 9

Bobby Hankerson Willie Mays

Sept. 4

4 9

Richard Colclough Willie Mays

8 10

Ulmer Bridges Bill Kuhlke

2 9

Marion Williams Willie Mays

6 10

Andy Cheek Bill Kuhlke

7 10

Tommy Boyles Bill Kuhlke

5 9

Bobby Hankerson Willie Mays

2 9

Marion Williams Willie Mays

3

Steve Shepard Bill Kuhlke

Dave Mack Quincy Robertson Ben Allen Madine Cummings Monty Osteen (Mayor’s Appointee) Nathaniel Charles Michael Simmons Ben Allen Madine Cummings Monty Osteen (Mayor’s Appointee) Lori Williams J.B. Powell Jimmy Smith Paul Menk Monty Osteen (Mayor’s Appointee) Juanita Burney Larry Hudson Ben Allen Madine Cummings Monty Osteen (Mayor’s Appointee) Michael Wilkins Robert Anderson Jimmy Smith Paul Menk Monty Osteen (Mayor’s Appointee) Wayne Hawkins Sonny Pittman Jimmy Smith Paul Menk Monty Osteen (Mayor’s Appointee) Dave Mack Quincy Robertson Ben Allen Madine Cummings Monty Osteen (Mayor’s Appointee) Juanita Burney Larry Hudson Ben Allen Madine Cummings Monty Osteen (Mayor’s Appointee) Clyde Lester Ed Tarver Paul Menk Jimmy Smith Monty Osteen (Mayor’s Appointee)

Time

5:30-7:00 P.M.

Mr. Monty Osteen, Co-Chairman, Citizens SPLOST V Committee Mr. Ed Tarver, Esq., Co-Chairman, Citizens SPLOST V Committee Honorable Bob Young, Mayor

Time

Advertising Sales

7

American Heart Walk Saturday, September 27 Registration is at 9 am Walk begins at 9:30 am

Location: Doctors Hospital Campus.

The American Heart Association promotes physical activity and heart-healthy living in a fun family environment. This year, 750,000 walkers will participate in over 600 events across the country, raising funds to save lives from this country’s greatest killers: heart disease and stroke.

If you would like to form a team or join in the walk, please call 855-5005.

September Calendar

Metro Spirit seeks experienced media sales people or people with qualified sales experience to sell display advertising. Excellent

Senior Friends Cradle Club

Community Ed

Free Morning Fitness Class**

2nd Annual FREE Running Clinic

Every Monday, Wednesday and Friday, 8:45 – 9:30 am. Members only.

Saturday, September 13 Hourly Sessions begin at 9 am Location: Doctors Hospital, Building II, Suite 302.

Pre-register now, space is limited.

RSVP required. Please call 651-2270.

Orientation Coffee for New and Renewing Members** Tuesday, September 9, 10 am Please RSVP at 651-6716.

You’re a Big Girl Now*

Saturday, September 13, 10 am – 12 pm Girls ages 9-12, along with their mothers, share information on puberty and adolescence. Call 651-2450 to register.

earnings, growth opportunity, and

For Men Only...

FREE PSA Screenings

benefits.

Advertising Sales c/o Metro Spirit P.O. Box 3809 Augusta, GA 30914

Gastric Bypass Support Group

Monday, September 1, 7 pm $10 for 6 weeks. Members only.

Must pre-pay to attend.

Wednesday, September 24, 5:30 – 6:30 pm Location: Doctors Hospital, Classrooms 1 & 2 For patients who have had gastric bypass surgery. Presented by Dr. Willam J. Welsh, specialist in plastic and reconstructive surgery. There will be a "Clothes Swap", so if you have larger clothes you no longer need, please bring them to share. For information, call Valerie Lively, RD, 651-6043.

706.738.1142 ALL REPLIES CONFIDENTIAL

Thursday & Friday, September 11 & 12, 12 pm Participants must pre-register. Open to the public 50+. Call 651-6716 to register.

Beginner Line Dance Lessons**

Beginning Sunday, September 21 through Friday, September 26, 7 am – 7 pm Location: Doctors Hospital Laboratory No appointment necessary. For more information, please call 651-6280.

RESUME & COVER LETTER

AARP Driver Safety Program**

Education Program– Cosmetic Surgery After 50– Is It Right for Me?** Friday, September 1, 11:30 am Free lunch provided. RSVP by September 1, 651-2450.

Located on the Doctors Hospital Campus, Building III,1305 Interstate Parkway. **Items will be held in the Senior Friends Meeting Area. To join or register for classes please call 651-6716 or register online www.doctors-hospital.net .

Join our Cradle Club today!

Membership is FREE. Please PRE-REGISTER for ALL classes.

Call 651-BABY (2229) or register online.

Prepared Childbirth Classes*

7 – 9:30 pm Mondays, September 8 – October 6 Tuesdays, September 2 – October 7

Labor & Delivery Tour

Thursday, September 4 7 – 8:30 pm Tour Begins at the hospital in Classrooms 1 & 2.

Infant CPR*

Thursday, September 18 6:30 – 9 pm

Saturday Express Prepared Childbirth Class* Saturday, September 20, 9 am – 5 pm

Breastfeeding*

Thursday, September 25, 6:30 – 8:30 pm *These classes will be held at: Doctors Hospital Campus, 3623 J. Dewey Gray Circle Medical Office Building I, Cradle Club Classroom, Suite 110.

For more information, call 651-2450 or visit www.doctors-hospital.net 3651 Wheeler Road • Augusta, GA

GET $1,600 BACK ON THE PURCHASE OF A NEW AIR CONDITIONING SYSTEM This has been the coolest summer we have experienced in 30 years. Take advantage now with huge savings on high efficiency heating/cooling systems for your home.

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M E T R O S P I R I T A U G 2 8 2 0 0 3

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continued from page 6 For those of you complaining about the Augusta comical (Chronicle), you’re right — it is a terrible newspaper. A while back I tried the Atlanta Journal-Constitution on the advice of a friend and I have never looked back. There is just no comparison between the two papers. AJC has much more in depth coverage, especially the sports and business sections. We all know that the Metro Spirit is by far the number one local paper, but when it comes to main line papers, try the AJC. You’ll never use the Chronicle for anything more than trashcan lining. But remember to stick with the Metro Spirit for the best local news.

Turning gay from watching “Queer Eye for the Straight Guy” is just as likely as turning black from watching the “Cosby Show” or turning into a frog from watching the Muppets.

This is to the whiner who referred to someone as “Bubba” whining about being glad that Channel 26 didn’t air the queer show. Some people, I for one, would just rather watch something else rather than “queer” guys giving other men makeovers.

Anyway, that whiner wasn’t trying to push the religious principles on your or the gay community, he was just trying to help you out. If people want to watch the show, that’s fine. But if someone doesn’t want to, they shouldn’t be criticized for not wanting to. So toodle-loo to you too!

The Industry nightclub owner said in his letter to the editor that he wants to provide

a safe place for teenagers to be treated like adults and be able to act like adults. What this man does not understand is that teenagers, until they are adults and the age of 18, are not adults and should not be treated as adults.

This is for a young woman named Lisa. I was at my bank on Friday and she must have been behind me in line at the drivethru teller, because I drove off and left my money in the tube. I realized about five minutes later, after I drove off, that my money was not in the car. I went back to the bank and the teller told me that I must have left it in the tube at the drive-thru. All of a sudden, this lady, this wonderful woman named Lisa, came up to my passenger door and she had my envelope of $1,000. This is an example of what the people are like in Augusta.

Why do we allow lawyers to operate in our courts when all they do is lie?

Man’s laws ... God’s laws ... which came first? Oh, it was the Ten Commandments.

Leave them in public where they need to be.

Why can’t Columbia County get some decent restaurants in Evans, besides the usual drive thrus?

— Call our Whine Line at 510-2051 and leave your comments. We won’t use your name. Fax your whines by dialing (706) 733-6663 or e-mail your whines to whine@metrospirit.com.

Suburban Torture BY

JULIE

LARSON

Thumbs Up A company in Carnesville, Ga. has reportedly found a way to turn piles of chicken poop into electrical power.

Earth Resources, Inc., the Athens Banner-Herald reported, has constructed a model power plant that uses chicken manure as fuel for a steam turbine that could provide electricity to

light 7,000 homes. According to the article, development of the technology could have a two-fold beneficial impact on the environment, creating a renewable energy source and disposing in an effective way of billions of pounds of chicken manure piling up in the state each year.

Thumbs Down Say it isn’t so, Linda.

The Georgia State Ethics Commission recently fined former Georgia School Superintendent Linda Schrenko $5,000 for, among other things, being unable to account for close to $20,000 in campaign funds, according to news reports.

Her attorney, local lawyer Pete Theodocion, told The Atlanta JournalConstitution that the unexplained, missing money was attributable to poor bookkeeping. The paper also reported that Schrenko may have to declare bankruptcy.

Say Good-Bye To Austin Rhodes

M

ore than four years ago, Austin Rhodes suggested that he write a weekly column for the Metro Spirit.

After he submitted a sample column, we discussed the format and agreed to move ahead. That was in January 1999.

Today is Austin’s last column in the Metro Spirit.

In 1999, publishing Austin’s opinion each week was a good idea. Featuring a weekly column by the controversial talk show host added interesting editorial content for our readers and provided Austin with another media outlet to express his ideas and promote himself. Initially, it was a mutually beneficial arrangement. That was then. This is now.

We knew what we were getting into when we gave Austin free rein on subject matter. As a result we have received both criticism and praise over the years. The editorial policy of the Metro Spirit allows as many diverse voices as possible, and, while we often disagreed with Austin’s opinions and winced at his harsh words, we allowed him broad freedom to express himself.

We have had many disagreements during our working relationship, but we have managed to overcome our differences in order to produce the column. One problem is that Austin never wants to be edited. The biggest disagreement between us occurred a few months ago when Austin insisted on using unacceptable words to describe an African-American opinion writer who wrote an unflattering piece about him. The article, which ran in the Augusta Focus, was written by Robert Daniels, now deceased. In it, Daniels described Austin as a beer drinking, catfish eating redneck. Austin wanted to retaliate by referring to Daniels in an extremely disparaging way, using terminology that was, in our opinion, racist. We did not allow it. Austin wasted no time in lambasting me and the Metro Spirit on his radio program.

As a matter of fact, Austin has publicly berated the editing of his column on several occasions.

To a large degree, that particular column and disagreement was a wake-up call for the Metro Spirit. As we questioned whether Austin was an asset or liability to our newspaper, we began to view things differently. We paid more attention to Austin’s radio program, we polled people in the community to gauge their reaction to Austin’s column and we took a fresh look at the value of his column to the community and this newspaper.

By David Vantrease

Based on feedback from readers and opinion leaders, the perception of Austin within the community and our own assessment, we came to several conclusions that led us to remove Austin from the pages of the Metro Spirit. Among other things, we found the following: (1) While many African-Americans read Austin, respect his right to an opinion and even agree with some of his suppositions, a large number of black Augustans perceive Austin as a racist who never misses an opportunity to criticize blacks.

(2) Many community leaders who are working diligently to enhance racial harmony view Austin as part of the problem because of his perceived racial bias and his pervasive media presence, including his column in this newspaper, his radio talk show and his television program.

(3) While Austin writes well enough and often makes some valid points, his inflammatory words, racial stereotyping, name calling, favoritism and dogmatic ideology negate many of his well-founded opinions.

(4) Austin plays favorites. While he is, as one city official called him recently, “an equal opportunity slammer,” he often closes his eyes to the transgressions of his friends while aggressively and unfairly admonishing those public figures he dislikes.

(5) Many people are tired of Austin.

Obviously, those who don’t like Austin look for any reason to criticize him, but even those who agree with Austin’s mostly conservative philosophy have problems with his high opinion of himself and his willingness to, as one person said, “use a flame thrower when a water gun would do.” His constant self-promotion and self-absorption detract from his accomplishments.

(6) Politicians use Austin to promote their agenda. They often provide him with negative information in order to smear the reputations of their opponents. They hope Austin will use the information on his radio program and he often does. Because Austin is so biased in favor of Republicans, independent and Democrat Augustans perceive him as a flack for the Republican Party. At the same time, Republican politicians realize Austin’s support cuts both ways. While they utilize him and his radio program to promote their candidacy and agenda, when ticklish racial issues come up in a campaign they become concerned that Austin’s support will create a backlash against them.

(7) The Metro Spirit only allocates one-half page of space to Austin’s column, but there is a perception that Austin speaks for our newspaper.

While nothing could be further from the truth and we publish a disclaimer at the end of the column each week, Austin’s presence in the Metro Spirit apparently communicates that we condone and agree with all he writes.

(8) Many people don’t separate Austin’s words on his radio program and the content of his column in the Metro Spirit. These people hear Austin on radio mimicking black people, telling racist jokes, talking about his personal life, berating callers and lambasting liberals while praising conservatives. Because we allow Austin’s column in our paper, many people hold us partially responsible for the proliferation of his dogma.

Austin has been successful in cultivating sources for behind-the-scenes information that often allows him to get to a story before any other media.

In a sense, he has become a local media star because of it. In the process, he has naturally made enemies and his success invites criticism. The image Austin has successfully created for himself, and the image broadcast and print media have helped him develop, has tarnished his credibility within various segments of the community. By association, the continued publication of Austin’s column could ultimately diminish the credibility and reputation of our newspaper. We’ve worked too hard for that to happen. It is time for Austin to leave the pages of the Metro Spirit.

We have enjoyed our professional association with Austin. Our relationship has been mostly pleasant and mutually beneficial. We thank Austin for his contribution to the Metro Spirit over the years. For the most part, he has been an asset to our publication.

We wish him continued success and, without preaching to him, we suggest that he consider his legacy. Does he want to be viewed as a positive force in the community or become the arrogant poster boy for mediocrity and divisiveness?

The writer is the publisher of the Metro Spirit. He takes full responsibility for bringing Austin to the pages of this newspaper in 1999, allowing many of Austin’s comments to be published that should have never seen the light of day, and terminating the relationship with Austin effective this week.

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Opinion: Insider

Last Minute Effort To Recruit Candidates

W

ith the qualifying deadline for the Augusta commission election only three weeks away, political activists are struggling to put together a slate of candidates to change the makeup and, perhaps, the direction of the Augusta commission. If the concerned citizens and candidates come together, an election that looked like a snoozer three weeks ago could become very interesting.

If talks are successful this week, politicos are hopeful that by Friday, Sept. 19, several familiar names will have qualified to run. Negotiations are in a fragile state at this moment but decisions should be forthcoming, possibly this week or next.

Frustration is the word of the day regarding efforts to find qualified candidates to run for commission seats. Because the government body carries so much negative baggage, it is easy to understand why there are so few truly qualified people willing to seek a position on the commission. But potential candidates are being asked to put aside the negative potential and seek office

Marion Williams

Andy Cheek for the good of the community.

District 2 (Marion Williams), District 4 (Richard Colclough), District 6 (Andy Cheek), District 8 (Ulmer Bridges), and District 10 (Bill Kuhlke), are up for election in November. All candidates are seeking reelection except Bridges and Kuhlke, who are ineligible due to term limits.

Political insiders are having difficulty recruiting good candidates because nobody wants to spend four years of frustration, accomplishing nothing, because of the current makeup of the commission.

Consequently, politicos are stepping up the pressure to entice potentially strong candidates in hope of unseating Williams and Cheek and replacing Bridges and Kuhlke with good choices. Colcough will likely run unopposed by any serious candidate.

Remember several months ago when The Insider indicated that former Mayor Larry Sconyers was flirting with the idea of running for Cheek’s seat in District 6? After a brief moment of consideration, the popular Sconyers said, “No.” Politicos and citizens

of the sixth district were disappointed but they understood. Now, friends and associates of Sconyers are conducting a “full court press” to persuade him to run.

Sources report that he is strongly considering it, especially if Don Grantham decides to run in the 10th district race.

The move that will virtually guarantee Sconyers’ and Grantham’s entry into the race involves southside businessman and political activist Jimmy Smith. Smith was approached early on to run for a commission seat. He declined for the same reasons mentioned above; namely, why go downtown if the cards are stacked against accomplishing anything? Smith remains a tough sell but if he can be convinced to run for the eighth district seat held by Bridges, this commission election really takes off.

First, Sconyers will demolish Cheek if he runs in the sixth district. Replacing Cheek with Sconyers would be a major coup.

Southsiders have been searching for a challenger to Cheek for months and Sconyers is the answer to their prayers. Insiders report that Sconyers is almost ready to commit, but is not yet 100 percent sure. He should be aware that the minute he makes his move, Grantham will follow.

Kuhlke’s District 10 seat is the only superdistrict up for election this year.

Bobby Cheek, Wayne Hawkins and Sonny Pittman have indicated they will run.

Hawkins is in primarily because Pittman is a horrible choice. If Grantham enters the race Hawkins will gladly drop out. Also, southside politicians and friends of Bobby Cheek will attempt to dissuade him from running against Grantham. This leaves Pittman against Grantham. Need The Insider say more? Grantham rolls.

The idea is to have a slate of candidates to run and win so that, as a group, they can reduce the level of bickering and move the city forward. If elected, Grantham and Smith would generally follow the path of their predecessors, Kulke and Bridges.

Larry Sconyers The big race is Sconyers vs. Cheek. If Sconyers runs and wins, the dynamics of the commission change drastically.

Another wild card is Freddie Handy’s challenge to Marion Williams in the second district. Should Handy defeat Williams, which is iffy at this point, and Grantham, Sconyers and Smith run and win, the new balance of power could change the course of local government.

Political insiders dream of sending Grantham, Handy, Sconyers and Smith to the commission for the next four years.

Williams and Cheek are not well liked outside their core supporters. Both are viewed negatively by a significant portion of the community. Their exit from the commission after only one term would be welcomed by many.

We’ll see if this fluid situation is just wishful thinking or if dreams do come true. Stay tuned.

—The views expressed in this column are the views of The Insider and do not necessarily represent the views of the publisher.

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Opinion: Austin Rhodes

M E T R O S P I R I T

Cynthia McKinney Considering a Run at Max Burns in 12th

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olitical hacks all over Georgia are abuzz with the report that recent Cornell University parttime professor (please, don’t laugh) Cynthia McKinney is seriously considering another run for Congress.

The former representative, who had her hat handed to her by fellow black female Democrat Denise Majette in a controversial primary, apparently believes she could take the minorityheavy district. She could have a point.

If, and only if, a major black name emerges as the democratic nominee in the race to replace Senator Zell Miller, it could energize the black vote in districts like the 12th, and see the freshman Republican (white guy) Burns sent packing. The only major minority name even hinting he may run is Andrew Young. While I don’t believe for a minute he would win statewide, the effect of his candidacy would lift all black candidates from Brunswick to Brasstown Bald. McKinney in the 12th would almost certainly pull out a squeaker if that happened.

Keep in mind: This is the same district that elected a full-blown moron like Champ Walker to be their democratic congressional nominee ahead of noteworthy, intelligent and respectable candidates like Ben Allen and Chuck Pardue. The “Dem” faithful in the 12th have shown just how “dim” they can be in the big race.

Go back and take a good look at the voting patterns from the last democrat primary in the 12th. There is no reason to believe the schmucks who lined up behind Walker wouldn’t do the same for McKinney. Combine that, and the “PO’ed” factor many in that district live with over the fact that the GOP won it in 2002, and you have the recipe for a very tough battle for Congressman Burns.

The only real fly in the ointment for McKinney may be courtesy of some rich white boys who would give her left-wing loony agenda a run for its money.

This is actually kinda funny to think about. It seems the incredibly gifted (and politically retarded) creative minds behind REM and Widespread Panic have decided to bankroll a candidate of their left-wing own. There seems to be some debate on exactly who is going to benefit from their talents and barn full o’money, but the longhairs (and Michael Stipe) are bound and determined that Athens ain’t gonna have a Republican congressman.

I would never vote for such a candidate, but I would love a press pass to

Max Burns their fundraising concert. Awesome music to be sure, and such an event would no doubt bring the biggest contact high I have had since I was in Jamaica. Not to mention enough female armpit hair to crochet a new roof for the Georgia Dome. Cool.

I have no idea what Burns can do to top that – maybe visits by Toby Keith, Arnold Schwarzenegger and Ann Coulter?

Whatever happens in the 12th, it will no doubt be the scene of Georgia’s hottest and most entertaining political contest. Bring popcorn.

One quick note: Last week, I mentioned in passing on my radio show some inside information I have pertaining to the FBI’s ongoing investigation of former state Senator Charles Walker.

I have been specifically requested by that agency to refrain from giving details, and I will comply. But I can say this: I know what they are looking at. My immediate supervisors (both in print and radio) have been made aware of it, and it is pretty amazing stuff.

Take nothing for granted, though.

O.J. and Richard Nixon walked away as free men. Walker ain’t behind bars yet. Still, if I were him, I would be shopping for a South American condo, a pair of really big sunglasses, and a really, really good boat.

— The views expressed in this column are the views of the writer and do not necessarily represent the views of the publisher. The archived Austin Rhodes columns can now be seen at www.wgac.com.

13 M E T R O

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14 M E T R O S P I R I T

MetroBeat

A U G 2 8 2 0 0 3

Civic Center Talks Cleanup and Questionable Deals

T

he Augusta-Richmond County Coliseum Authority’s first meeting with new — or actually, new, old — General Manager Larry Rogers carried on with little ado and in typical fashion.

That is to say, it was filled with the characteristic disorganization and blamelaying for which the authority has come to be known.

At one point, authority Vice Chair Annie Rogers attempted to adopt a new theme and credo for the board and future meetings.

“A lot of things were done in the past that shouldn’t have been done. People didn’t do what they were supposed to do,” Rogers told the board. “And you know, I would like to think we can leave that in the past and start from this day and move forward.”

Rogers’ remarks were in response to criticisms by authority member Bill Maddox that the person responsible for dirty carpeting at the Bell Auditorium should be “put in the road.”

“If that carpet needs cleaning that bad ... somebody’s not doing their job down there for the past two or three months,” Maddox said, after Larry Rogers informed the board that if the carpet was not cleaned soon, it might as well be torn up and discarded. “That’s the person that ought to be responsible, to be put in the road. I don’t care who they are.”

Larry Rogers had asked for $80,000 from the yet-to-be-approved civic center

By Brian Neill

budget to make improvements and renovations to the civic center and the Bell Auditorium.

Those improvements included cleaning the carpet and replacing formica that was peeling off concession stands at the Bell Auditorium. The general manager also said the aging civic center required ample sprucing up, including $5,000 worth of painting, a new speaker system to replace a defective one in one of the civic center meeting rooms, and $7,000 worth of trash cans to replace the arena’s existing ones, which he said have been there since the first time he arrived to manage the facility, 23 years ago.

“I don’t think there’s really anything out of the ordinary (on the improvements list) that we can’t justify doing,” Larry Rogers told the board. “To move on, we’ve got to reach out and start doing some of these projects.”

Still, some authority members said they were uncomfortable disbursing the $80,000 before the civic center budget had been reviewed and finalized, expected to take place within the next two weeks.

Some authority members, including Maddox, wanted to wait until that time to approve the renovation funds. Others suggested doling out the funds in increments.

“All he’s wanting to do is get started,” a frustrated authority Chairman William “Billy” Holden Jr. said. “It can wait. And it’s been waiting, and it’s been waiting,

“All he’s wanting to do is get started. It can wait.

And it’s been waiting, and it’s been waiting, and it’s been waiting, and it’s been waiting. That’s our problem.”

— Augusta-Richmond County Coliseum Authority Chairman William “Billy” Holden, Jr., to fellow authority members who wanted to postpone incoming General Manager Larry Roger’s $80,000 request to make improvements to the civic center and Bell Auditorium.

and it’s been waiting, and it’s been waiting. That’s our problem.�

Authority member Wayne Frazier came up with a compromise in the form of a substitute motion to let Larry Rogers access funds to begin the renovation work, pending the approval of the budget.

That motion passed, but not without some grumbling among authority members. “I’m just listening now at the comments Mr. Maddox made and I’m a little bit disturbed by that,� Annie Rogers said, referring to Maddox’s remarks about the Bell carpet. “Because we’re sitting here right now, not wanting to give our present manager the opportunity to do some things. Now, are we going to come back in a month or two and say, ‘Well, he’s not doing his job because he didn’t do this, that or the other?’ “ But Maddox wasn’t through. “One thing, Mr. Chairman,� Maddox said, “and I agree with what she said, but when I sit here for 30 or 45 minutes listening to a discussion about buying trash cans for this arena, there’s something wrong with this board.�

Authority members also heard from their attorney, J. Edward Enoch Jr., about a proposal from Augusta Entertainment, LLC, the entity seeking to acquire the Augusta Lynx hockey team.

The proposal basically asked the authority to hold Augusta Entertainment free of harm in terms of any pending or future monetary claims or litigation deriving from events or actions that occurred prior to Aug. 13, 2003.

Frank Lawrence, a car dealer and former owner of the defunct Augusta Stallions arena football team, is listed on the proposal documents as the managing member of Augusta Entertainment.

William R. Coleman is listed with the Georgia Secretary of State as the corporation’s registered agent.

Enoch advised authority members that it wouldn’t be wise for them to enter into

such an agreement because they would have no way of knowing about pending or future claims against the hockey team that might still fall within the statute of limitations. “What they’ve asked is that the authority agree that there aren’t any outstanding fees or claims that the authority has against the people that currently own it,�

Enoch told the board. “ And this is really a way of ensuring the new owners that they’re not going to get blindsided with something the minute they walk in. “This is really a matter of, they’re asking us to do an accommodation to get the deal done.�

Enoch said he had seen a 4-inch-thick file of claims and lawsuits against the Lynx, provided to him by civic center staff. “I could identify two lawsuits that we had copies of out of there (the file), and I don’t have any idea what the disposition of those lawsuits (is) at this point,�

Enoch said. “But there’s also claims that arise every year, that some of those claims can potentially still be subject to suit — the statute of limitations has not run on them.�

Civic Center Finance Director Katrina Bryant told the authority that the Lynx had settled all of its accounts with the arena, but may still owe money for advertising.

Holden said he also had some concerns about possible financial obligations on the part of the Lynx. “It’s just something that I just don’t think we need to be involved in,� Holden said. “I just don’t think we need to sign anything like this. It looks like to me, they’re buying the Lynx and they need to make the agreement between the Lynx and them.�

The authority directed Enoch to contact Augusta Entertainment’s attorney in order to draw up an acceptable proposal. “I also want to put in there that anything that’s not in writing, we’re not going to be liable for,� Holden added.

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Metro Beat

Majority of Aviation Commission a No-show

By Stacey Eidson

T

he time has finally come for the Augusta Aviation Commission to start firming up its plans to build a new terminal to replace its current facility, which dates back to the 1940s.

In order to get the project off on the right foot, LPA Group, Inc. – the transportation consultant firm out of Columbia, S.C., designing the terminal layout plan for Augusta Regional Airport – held a “kickoff” meeting to discuss the project with the aviation commission and airport staff.

The construction of this new terminal has been characterized by many in Augusta as the key to this city’s economic future.

Too bad only four aviation commissioners bothered showing up for this crucial meeting.

Of the 12-member airport board, just commissioners Cedric Johnson, Marcie Wilhelmi, Ernie Smith and newest member Bo Bovard were in attendance.

Commissioners Bernie Silverstein, Ed McIntyre, Sheila Paulk, Pat Owen, Brad Kyzer, Joe Scott, Venus Cain and Chris Cunningham all skipped the meeting.

When asked where her fellow board members were, Wilhelmi simply responded by saying, “That’s a good question.”

She said it was a shame that LPA put so much work into its presentation and there were only a handful of airport commissioners present to hear it.

“We got a lot of good information today,” she said, pointing to the walls in the meeting room that were lined with airport terminal plans dating back to 1998. “I’m sorry they missed it.”

LPA’s two-hour presentation covered everything from the project’s history to the firm’s most recent proposals for the new terminal.

Such ideas included a much larger, twostory terminal with a distinctly Southern charm that includes all of the latest technology needed to ensure passenger safety, post-Sept. 11, as well as a wonderful garden landscape resembling elements of local attractions like the Riverwalk and Augusta Golf & Gardens.

The new design would also include an expanded concession area for the public, a grand entry foyer and larger waiting rooms.

LPA even suggested building VIP rooms in the new airport, such as the “Fort Gordon hospitality room” to sup-

“We got a lot of good information today. I’m sorry they missed it.”

– Aviation Commissioner Marcie Wilhelmi

port the area’s military community.

Dennis Wiehl, vice president of architecture for LPA, told the commission his firm is ready to move as soon as he gets some direction from the board.

Actually, LPA’s been ready for a while now.

“We got started on this program almost 10 years ago, in 1994,” Wiehl said.

By 1999, LPA had presented the commission with a westside terminal layout plan for the new facility, very similar to the current terminal design the board is considering.

But in June 2000, the aviation commission decided to shelve LPA’s design in favor of developing a master plan for the airport.

After the master plan was completed in 2001, the aviation commission initially supported constructing a midfield terminal at a cost of about $64 million.

However, as the airline industry continued to experience terrible economic hardship in 2002, the board realized earlier this year it had to opt for a less expensive terminal and welcomed back LPA’s westside terminal layout plan with open arms.

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Bob Anderson, a senior architect for LPA, could not provide the commission with an estimated cost for a new westside terminal; however, he did say the 1999 projected price tag for the project was $19.6 million.

Late last year, airport officials estimated such a terminal would be at least $25 million.

“The bottom line is, we have to create an affordable and justified program that all parties can somehow come to an agreement on,” Anderson said.

Ironically, some of the ideas LPA used for the design of the new terminal were inspired by a building owned by one of Augusta’s most affluent businessmen, William S. Morris III, publisher of The Augusta Chronicle.

As Anderson was discussing the possibility of constructing Greek-style columns along the entrance of the new terminal during a PowerPoint presentation, he displayed a picture of the Athens Banner-Herald’s news building owned

by Morris.

“Obviously they make a very imposing entry when you walk in the front door,”

Anderson said, referring to the Greekstyle columns. “It’s not necessarily appropriate for the airport, but nonetheless, the feeling of how that place opens up is pretty impressive.”

Anderson said he hopes the new terminal will have a similar presence, except on a smaller scale.

Wilhelmi chuckled when she saw the photo of Morris’ building.

“The scale of the columns is what everybody comments on,” she said. “It is imposing.”

At the end of LPA’s presentation, Kathryn Solee, spokesperson for the airport, asked Wiehl what LPA needed from the board in order to begin implementing the firm’s terminal plans.

Basically, Wiehl said, all LPA needs is aviation commissioners to give him the go-ahead to begin designing a detailed terminal plan as well as for the board to determine how the new construction is going to be funded.

“We are ready to move forward with the design,” Wiehl said. “So, concerning the decision-making process by the board, the sooner the better, obviously.”

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18 M E T R O S P I R I T A U G 2 8 2 0 0 3

Metro Beat

Funding Shortfall Plagues City

L

et’s say your child just went off to college and has decided to help you pay for his expenses this semester by getting a job.

When he arrives at school, he soon realizes that he overestimated how much he could earn and discovers he will not have enough money by the end of the year to pay his expenses.

Now, he can call home and ask for more money, but he knows that you’ll be terribly disappointed.

So, he has come up with three alternatives: Cut his expenses, raid his savings, or work extra hours to cover his costs.

Sounds logical, right?

While cutting expenses seems like a good solution, you know better than anyone what a nightmare your son is when it comes to managing his money.

Next, working extra hours to earn additional cash also appears to be an excellent option, but you know he can barely manage the work he’s doing now.

And finally, if he raids his savings, he could risk not having a financial safety net when he graduates and is looking for a job.

So, what does your brilliant son decide?

He calls you up and tells you, for sure, he’s not going to ask you for any more money. He doesn’t know which of his three options he’s going to choose, and he may need several weeks to contemplate it, but he assures you he will handle it without asking you for another dime.

He happily hangs up the phone, while you suffer terrible indigestion for the rest of the week.

And your boy’s name? AugustaRichmond County.

On Aug. 25, the Augusta Commission learned that the city’s finance department has projected a shortfall in the 2003 tax digest.

According to Finance Director David Persaud, the net loss in property tax revenues will be approximately $1.5 million.

While the Augusta commissioners realized they must figure out a way to cover that loss, they refused to delve into the pockets of Augustans for the extra cash.

So, even with the looming shortfall, the commissioners voted to keep the 2003 millage rate unchanged and not raise property taxes in order to collect more money.

While City Administrator George Kolb

By Stacey Eidson

supported the commissioners’ decision, he said that, without raising property taxes, the city had three remaining options: Make cuts in the remaining 2003 budget; take additional money out of the city’s fund balance (otherwise known as the general fund reserves); or find alternative sources of revenue.

The commissioners couldn’t say how they wanted to handle the deficit, only that they didn’t want to have to ask the citizens for more taxes.

“I think the taxpayers and people of Richmond County deserve a little bit more than that,” said Augusta Commissioner Marion Williams. “We raised taxes before to fund public safety (after Sept. 11) and we did the things that we had to do ... but every year we keep coming back with a little bit more and a little bit more and I’m just finding that a little difficult to swallow right now.”

Augusta Commissioner Bill Kuhlke said no one wants to raise property taxes, but he pointed out that the commission has to be realistic about covering this year’s projected budgetary shortfall and be prepared if the tax digest continues to decline.

“My concern is, if you adopt the same millage rate for next year and we don’t really have any significant increase in our digest, how are we going to come in budget next year?” Kuhlke asked.

Kolb didn’t have an answer.

“It is a little too early for us to determine what is the magnitude of problems we are going to see,” Kolb responded, adding that the commission may need to realistically look into using additional funds from its reserves.

While Persaud’s memo to the commission predicted a $1.5 million decline in the value of the 2003 tax digest, The Augusta Chronicle last week reported that the deficit could be as high as $2.1 million.

That forecast made many commissioners very nervous.

“Is it true that we are going to have to go into the fund balance for the remainder of this year for about $2.1 million?” Kuhlke asked.

Again, Kolb said, he could not predict the exact shortfall for the year.

“It is too early to tell,” Kolb responded.

“You balanced your general fund budget this year with $1.3 million (coming from

Augusta Commissioner Bill Kuhlke the fund balance). It may be as high as $2 million, but again, it is too early to tell.”

But Kolb told the commissioners that they should feel confident in the amount of money available in the city’s reserves.

“Your fund balance is in very good shape,” Kolb said. “With respect to the last five years, you have been very fortunate to add to your fund balance.”

According to city records, the commission has approximately $25 million in reserves, which equates to enough money to run the government approximately 90 days without revenue.

However, with the 2003 shortfall in the tax digest, Kolb predicted the city will begin to see the fund balance decline.

“You’re losing ground and if this continues — and we don’t see much improvement in the tax digest next year and we know our expenses are going up — it’s going to necessitate having to look seriously at cutting some services, the use of more fund balance or raising taxes,” Kolb said.

Obviously, using money from the fund balance is the least painful, but Augusta Commissioner Steve Shepard said it was important for the city to carefully monitor its fund balance and not abuse it like other past governments.

“We basically said we would not raise property taxes, so I think you are going to have some hard decisions to make in the coming weeks,” Shepard told his fellow commissioners. “I’m a little scared to use a large amount of fund balance ... because that’s how I think other jurisdictions have gotten into trouble.

“So, we are going to have to do some cutting. And I would like to see collective cutting rather than just saying, ‘Well everybody cut “X” percent from their budget.’ My preference would be to try to do it in a reasonable way, rather than arbitrarily.”

However, until he gets a chance to thoroughly review the estimated 2004 expenses versus next year’s predicted revenue, Kolb said it is impossible to predict how large a deficit the commission will have to contend with during the upcoming 2004 budget season.

“If you’re asking what the gap is right now, it’s probably as wide as the Grand Canyon,” Kolb joked. “I can say this: It is going to be a very difficult budget to put together without looking at the use of fund balance or other sources of revenue. But we will present you, one way or the other, with a balanced (2004) budget on the 15th of October.”

“Is it true that we are going to have to go into the fund balance for the remainder of this year for about $2.1 million?”

– Augusta Commissioner Bill Kuhlke

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“This week we brought three times as much as we did last time.”

— Larry Peters, Li’l Dutch Bakery

Photo: Jimmy Carter

S P I R I T

Augusta Responds to the

Farmers Market

By Rhonda Jones

W

ell, the Saturday Farmers Market on Broad in Augusta Common has had three weeks to do its thing. Executive Director of Main Street Augusta, Chris Naylor, says that, at this stage, the market is an experiment. That experiment is growing and mutating like a giant, hungry amoeba, luring unsuspecting Augustans into its lair.

Not that they mind. They’re eating it up.

Literally.

Here’s what you’ll find. Two large tents with tables set up end-to-end, forming a rectangle.

Outside the rectangle, milling customers inspect produce and other handmade items like cut flowers, baked goods, soaps and soy candles.

I know. I’d never heard anything like it myself.

You will also find music, livestock. ... er, to feed, not to buy. One week there was a goat in a pen that could be fed for $1. The next week, it had been joined by a llama and a pony named Bubba. Or at least, that’s what someone was calling it.

Parents push strollers; dogs walk their people;

and an “elephant” makes the rounds greeting the tiny people in the strollers. The air is scented with the aroma of popcorn; police officers stroll around looking bored; and everyone seems to be having a grand ol’ time as the founding father of our fair city gazes proudly over what has become of his efforts.

At just the right time of day, it can strike a person as highly comical. But on Saturday mornings, it seems fitting.

Naylor said that the concept is based on the Charleston, S.C., farmers market. “Huge” is the first word he used to describe it.

“It is a very large farmers market but they also have quite a bit of crafts,” he added. “They basically have the wheel invented when it comes to the farmers market.”

We asked how Augusta’s farmers market got its start. “Brian Haltermann, the former chair of Main Street Augusta, had been talking about doing this about a year and a half and a committee was started a year and a couple of months ago to start looking into it,” Naylor said.

The Saturday market debuted on Aug. 9, but

next year it will run from mid-April through the end of October, Naylor said. And as of now, he said, there is not a set of guidelines for the vendors. He said that the plan so far is to give arts and crafts vendors a section of their own.

“But none of that has been worked out at this point,” he said. “It’s what they call a demonstration project.” There have been problems, he added, but those have been minor.

“In the Common, making sure we have enough electricity, which there is. Water was a problem. It’s just minor little details like that.

Nothing that wasn’t solved with the help of the city.”

“Actually,” he added, “the biggest problem was people running out of products, running out of produce and baked goods and things like that long before the one o’clock hour.”

People have been coming in from as far away as “the other side of Hephzibah” just to go shop in the Common. Over and over again, the reasons are prices and quality. It’s true. The produce is large and firm, brightly colored and fresh. And the prices? Well, since there are so continued on page 22

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“Actually, the biggest problem was people running out of products, running out of produce and baked goods and things like that long before the one o’clock hour.”

— Chris Naylor, Main Street Augusta Executive Director

continued from page 20 many vendors, there are quite a few pricing schemes in place, so there isn’t a uniform price at the market. You’ll just have to nose around and find the best ones. But overall, you’ll do better in the Common than in most grocery stores.

Metro Spirit took a little inventory of a few popular Washington Road grocery stores and compared findings with the prices at the Farmer’s Market. The Farmer’s Market prices are from Aug. 21, and the grocery store prices are from Aug. 25.

Oranges: Seven for $1 at the farmers market. At Food Lion, they were 69 cents each. At Kroger, they were not marked clearly. At Publix, they were $1.49 a pound, which translates into a little over two oranges.

Bell peppers: Three for $1 at the farmers market. At Food Lion, 89 cents each; at Kroger, 79 cents each; at Publix, $1.29 a pound, which equals about two peppers.

Cucumbers: Four for $1 at the farmers market; 50 cents each at Food Lion; 79 cents each at Kroger; two for $1.19 at Publix.

Summer squash: Four for $1 at the farmers market (the week before, they had been three for $1 from the same vendor). I bought nine large, fat, perfect squash for $3. At Food Lion, squash was $1.69 a pound, which translates into three veggies two-thirds the size of the ones I’d bought. At Kroger, they were $1.49 a pound. At Publix, they were $1.69 a pound.

Plums: Eight for $1 at the farmers market. At Food Lion, $1.49 a pound, and that is about five plums. At Kroger,

$1.59 a pound. At Publix, $1.69 a pound.

Lemons and limes: Both six for $1 at the farmers market. At Food Lion, lemons were 79 cents each and limes were 50 cents each. At Kroger, lemons were two for $1 and limes were three for $1. At Publix, lemons were five for $1.89 and limes were six for $1.19.

Cantaloupes: At the farmers market, one melon cost $1. At Food Lion, $1.99 each. At Kroger… well, at Kroger I didn’t see any cantaloupes. At Publix, they were two for $4.

Honeydew melons: At the farmers market, one for $2. At Food Lion, they were $2.99 each. At Kroger, $3.99 each.

At Publix, $3.99 each.

On both days that I went, Aug. 16 and Aug. 23, the tents were packed with customers, and vendors had worked up a sweat trying to keep up with the demand for their goods. The Li’l Dutch Bakery, which sells homemade breads, sweetbreads, cakes and the like, was packing up and moving out at 10 a.m. on Aug. 16, after selling for only two hours. On Aug. 21, co-owner Larry Peters (the other owner is Wanda, his wife) said that they had brought twice as much stuff on the 23rd as they’d had on the 16th, and still sold out after an hour and 45 minutes.

“This week we brought three times as much as we did last time,” Peters said.

And as long as it keeps selling, he said, the Li’l Dutch Bakery will keep it coming.

The Saturday Farmers Market on Broad at the Augusta Common opens in the Augusta Common at 8 a.m. Saturday mornings and runs until 1 p.m. You may want to get there early.

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25

The Rise and Fall of

WBBQ

By Amy Fennell Christian

W

hen Augusta broadcasting veteran and former WBBQ DJ Steve York was 8 years old, he remembers playing in the front yard one day and hearing his father’s black-andwhite Chevy Impala coming down the street before actually seeing it.

Surprised by the song he heard coming from the car, he asked his father about it when he pulled up. “Dad, I didn’t know you liked the Beach Boys,” he said.

“Son, I don’t like the Beach Boys,” his father replied. “I just heard an ambulance go by and turned to WBBQ to see what was going on.”

Like many of the great rock ‘n’ roll bands it once played, WBBQ dominated the charts for years, and not just because of Top 40 hits. Much of the station’s success came from its roving news team, led by legendary owner George Weiss in Car 1.

“I think younger people put up with the news to get the music they wanted to hear and vice versa,” explained former general manager and mobile news team member Birnie Florie, who took over the

top spot at the station from Ed Dunbar in 1987. “The older people put up with the music to hear the news.”

Most of the crew, who worked at WBBQ during its fabled heyday from the mid-‘60s until the early ‘90s, agrees.

“There’s nobody my age whose parents didn’t listen to BBQ when their kids were out on date night,” said Wayne Roberts, part of the station’s mobile news team for 20 years.

So many people in Augusta listened to WBBQ, Roberts said, that local law enforcement sometimes called the news team to help with cases. Roberts remembers one instance in particular, when the Richmond County Sheriff’s Department asked them to help find the driver responsible for a serious hit and run accident. The driver had successfully eluded authorities for almost a week, but his time as a free man quickly ran out once BBQ broadcast the information.

“I put it on the air and within two hours the guy was in custody,” he recalled. “We had that kind of listenership.”

“BBQ would get such a large section of the audience that it didn’t leave much

“During my time as program director – 25 years – the radio station was No. 1 in the country 100 percent of the time,” Drew, who now works for Beasley Broadcast Group, bragged. “I don’t know another radio station that can say that.”

— Harley Drew

for the other stations, if you want to know the truth,” Dunbar, the station’s general manager for 34 years, added during a recent telephone interview.

While Augusta’s market wasn’t, and still isn’t, nearly as large as someplace like New York or Los Angeles, WBBQ still managed to top those areas in market share, or percentage of people listening to the radio. A 10 percent share, explained former BBQ program director Harley Drew, is pretty high, and 6 percent is OK. During its glory, though, WBBQ pulled in shares ranging from a “low” of 28 to a high of 53, making the station No. 1 in market share in the entire country.

“During my time as program director – 25 years – the radio station was No. 1 in the country 100 percent of the time,” Drew, who now works for Beasley Broadcast Group, bragged. “I don’t know another radio station that can say that.”

Rockin’ tunes, up-to-the-minute news and, Harley added, plenty of fun all contributed to BBQ’s No. 1 status.

“We always encouraged DJs to have fun,” he said. “We encouraged our

people to get on the air and say whatever crossed their minds as long as it was relatively clean and fun.”

As a result, BBQ treated its listeners to Buddy Carr and his cast of characters, impromptu snowman-building contests in the winter, rain dances in the parking lot during a summer drought, a live, on-the-air memorial service for a fallen family pet, dances, promotions and contests.

“We had fun. We worked hard, but we enjoyed it. That’s the secret, I’d say,” Dunbar, now 78 and still living in Augusta, explained. “If you don’t love it, don’t do it.”

But that, according to many local experts, is exactly what has happened to radio. As BB King might say, the thrill is gone. And not just from WBBQ, but from the entire radio industry. The climate change in radio can be traced to a series of decisions by the Federal Communications Commission (FCC), most notably The Telecommunications Act of 1996, which allowed companies to own several stations in the same market. As a result, Clear Channel Communications currently owns seven continued on page 26

M E T R O S P I R I T A U G 2 8 2 0 0 3

26 continued from page 25 M E T R O S P I R I T A U G 2 8 2 0 0 3

stations in the Augusta market, including WBBQ, and Beasley owns nine.

And where corporations go, broadcast veterans say, the accountants follow. In their wake they’ve left stations devoid of live bodies – such as with the recent wholesale firings of DJs at WBBQ, local flavor and, most of all, fun.

“It’s a different business; a different time,” explained Augusta Mayor Bob Young, a former BBQ DJ and news announcer. “With corporate ownership, when there’s a problem, they don’t bring a broom in and sweep; they bring a bulldozer in.”

The Dream Team The radio landscape wasn’t always so stark. When George Weiss first put WBBQ-AM on the air in 1947, the majority of people involved, like York and Drew, loved the music or just radio itself.

Drew can trace his love of radio back to childhood, and though he tried college, the call of the airwaves was too great.

Drew soon found himself back in Waynesboro on WBRO, where he had worked while in high school, during the day and driving to Augusta in the evening to help construct the facility for a new radio station, WFNL-AM (originally WSSL). “I put that station on the air in 1962,” Drew said. “I was the first DJ on the air.”

That wasn’t the only first for Drew that day. Soon after Drew signed on the air, Weiss and Dunbar of WBBQ stopped by to wish the competition luck. After commenting on Drew’s virtuosity at the controls (“You play that console like a piano,” Weiss commented), they offered him a job.

“I said, ‘I just got here,’” he remembered. “‘I haven’t been on the air three hours. I can’t leave them.’”

Weiss, majority owner of WBBQ, and Dunbar had just switched to a Top 40 format. It was the beginning of an empire – an empire Florie joined in 1963.

“It was an absolute thrill,” Florie, now executive director of the Augusta chapter

of the Red Cross, said. “It was something that I’d really always wanted to do.”

Drew followed in 1964, although the only opening Dunbar had was as news director. “That’s OK,” he told the general manager. “I can do anything.”

Pretty soon, though, Drew was filling in for other DJs more than he was driving the mobile news car. That meant Weiss was taking over Drew’s spot in the news department more and more often. “It wasn’t anytime before George said, ‘Forget this, just put him on the air,’” Drew said.

With the DJ position came the title of program director and the authority for Drew to implement his plan – to switch the format on WBBQ-FM to Top 40. At that time, he explained, only AM had Top 40; FM stations played what was dubbed “radio’s prestige music.”

Translation? “Violins,” Drew laughed.

“George thought it was kind of scandalous,” Drew said, “but that was the future of radio to me. FM was where it was at, so, over a period of time, I sort of ate into the FM programming.”

It was during these same years that the management team decided to up the station’s power to 100,000 watts and, in the process, switched positions on the dial from 103.7 to 104.3. They had also adopted Tiger Radio as a nickname. The golden age of WBBQ had officially begun.

This Is Car 1…

To say that WBBQ had an aggressive news department would be a bit of an understatement. “George’s motto was, ‘If you don’t want it heard, don’t let it happen, because we cover everything,’” Drew said.

Augusta residents grew to depend on Weiss’s unique delivery. Raspy-voiced and terse, Car 1’s driver wouldn’t hesitate to speculate on the cause of an accident he was reporting on and, if he turned out to be wrong, admit and correct the error. Names were not withheld to protect the innocent (or guilty).

“We were always there, 24 hours a day, seven days a week,” Roberts, who joined the news team in 1978, said. “The TV

stations would show up at the scene of an accident and we’d already be there.

We had a good bond with the police department, and we did lots of community service.”

Other members of the mobile news team could often expect Weiss to critique their reports mere minutes after finishing them.

“I was terrified the whole time I was there,” Roberts laughed. “He hollered at me constantly. Seriously, though, he was stern, but he was constantly teaching.”

More than anything, Roberts explained, it was Weiss’s easygoing manner that endeared him to those who worked for him. Constantly chomping on a cigar, adopting a stray and starving dog and refusing to join Augusta National in spite of repeated invitations, Weiss was not your typical multi-millionaire.

“George did things George’s way,” Roberts said. “His door was always open.

He didn’t even have a private office – he shared the mobile office. He was not afraid to get his hands dirty or roll up his sleeves and get to work.”

He may have appeared gruff and intimidating, but, underneath it all, George Weiss was a teddy bear. Employees, favorite causes and even stray dogs all benefited from his generous nature.

Florie keeps a copy of a February 1998 issue of Fortune magazine in which Weiss’s name is listed as one of the 40 most generous Americans. The Medical College of Georgia, as he would later prove with several noble gestures, was one of his favorite causes.

Roberts’s favorite memory of his time with Weiss is, although a bit unusual, just another example of how understanding the big man was.

“It was the day I killed his dog,” Roberts said, explaining that the stray dog Weiss adopted, and who had taken to riding around in Car 1 with its owner, had gotten old and arthritic and, one day, crawled under Roberts’s car to escape the rain. “When I left, I backed over it. I didn’t know it was under the car.

“I thought, ‘That’s it; he’s going to fire me,’” Roberts continued. “But I called him and explained what happened, and

he said, ‘That’s okay; the dog was old.’”

Getting a job at WBBQ during that time, Roberts said, was difficult; losing a job would have taken a lot more than a dead dog.

“To get a job at BBQ was impossible; somebody had to die. There was no turnover and, of course, that was because of single ownership,” he said. “You knew that you had a job for life and only you could screw it up.”

A Three-Ring Circus That family atmosphere extended to the on-air personalities as well. “When I came to BBQ, I remember Buddy Carr telling me that I didn’t need to worry about getting fired,” said Dickie Shannon, who joined the station in 1974 and now works at WGOR Oldies 93.9, a Beasley-owned station.

The mobile news team at WBBQ may have been all business, but the antics of the station’s DJs were the stuff of legends. And none was more legendary than Buddy Carr, who understood and followed the rock star’s creed of living fast and dying young. Shannon, who started at BBQ on the overnight shift and eventually moved to “afternoon drive time,” was also called in to help out in the mornings.

“I filled in on the morning show when Buddy Carr got laid out, which was quite often,” he said.

“Buddy lived a wild, wild life,” Drew added. “I thought he was either going to OD on drugs or get killed by somebody’s husband.”

Carr, not his real name, actually died in the 1980s of cancer, but not before providing WBBQ listeners with memories they wouldn’t soon forget.

“It was different … it was an experience,” Young, who announced the news during Carr’s morning show, said.

“Buddy was a talented person with a very turbulent personal life. Working with him was sometimes a challenge and sometimes a joy, but it was never dull.”

“Buddy was the greatest morning man in the history of Augusta,” Drew agreed.

“He was great with political humor. continued on page 28

And sell they did – to Clear Channel in 1990. Since then, the media giant has gotten a bad rap from listeners and broadcast veterans. “Clear Channel, for instance, moves people in from all over the country and they don’t know the area,” Shannon, who was fired from WBBQ by Cumulus in 1999, said. “Back then, we were all from Augusta and we knew Augusta.”

— Dickie Shannon

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28 continued from page 26 M E T R O S P I R I T A U G 2 8 2 0 0 3

Everybody at the station got into the show. Salespeople would call him up and feed him ideas.”

Carr and his stable of on-air characters weren’t the only reason to tune in to the Q. Whether it was a promotion or an impromptu call from a rock star, there was always a reason to listen. Why? Because of the station’s management.

“We spent a lot of time listening to other stations, trying to figure out what would be popular here,” Drew explained. “Pretty soon, it got to be the other way around. Stations in L.A. were listening to us.”

“We were a big test market for record companies,” York added. “If it went to number one at BBQ or in the Top 10 at BBQ, people who read the trade magazines took notice. Careers were made here.”

As a result, stars were plentiful at WBBQ – calling in, coming by the station and even presenting gold records in appreciation for playing their songs.

Well-loved by the music industry, WBBQ was also loved at home because of their promotions. From school spirit contests to pulling over and giving prizes to people with cars displaying the station’s bumper stickers, it was just another way to get the listeners involved, and they loved it.

“I remember one year the country was going into a recession and I told George that we were going to have a tough year and that we wouldn’t make a profit if we kept doing promotions,” Dunbar said.

“He said, ‘If we don’t make any money this year, that’s OK. When the economy turns around, we’ll be ahead of the rest because we won’t have lost any of our audience.’”

End of an Era It would take many years for WBBQ’s loyal audience to start defecting to other stations, but the beginning of the end, according to most, was the day Ed Dunbar retired in 1987. Accounts of the station’s history from that time until George Weiss’s death in 1997 differ depending on who’s asked, but what happened after the general manager stepped down definitely splintered what had been, by all accounts, a happy family.

It all started, according to Drew, when Weiss attempted to sell the station. That sale fell through, but Dunbar still decided to retire. “He came to me and said, ‘You are going to replace me; it’s what I’ve

always wanted,’” Drew remembered.

While Dunbar and Drew began working toward making Drew general manager, though, Weiss had other ideas, and things didn’t work out as planned.

“It was something I was working toward,” Florie said of the general manager position. “It was a well-known fact that there were two candidates – Harley Drew and me. When George made the decision, I think it was the difference in my having a sales background and him having a programming background.”

Drew said Weiss broke the news himself. “George was a very terse and abrupt human being, and he plopped down in a chair in the corner of my office and said, ‘Do you like Birnie Florie? Can you work with him? Because I like him better than you and I’m going to make him the new manager,’” recalled Drew, who thought Weiss was there to make him general manager and ask him to make Florie sales manager. “I was crushed. I have to tell you I was in tears.

I kept asking myself, ‘Do I walk out of the station or do I suck it up because I love the station more than life itself?’”

Drew ended up working for Florie for a couple of years, but, he said, it just wasn’t the same, and he ended up leaving in 1989. “That’s when the Q started to come unglued,” he said.

“There was no vision.”

Florie, however, disagrees. “I guess I asked myself early on what Ed would have done in certain situations,” he explained. “I tried to be as prudent as he was.”

The proof that WBBQ was sliding came in 1990 when Drew took over at WZNY Sunny 105, an adult contemporary station that hadn’t been doing very well.

“We beat WBBQ in the ratings within six months,” Drew, however, was fired from Sunny 105 in 1993 after a change in ownership (not an uncommon occurrence in the world of radio) and, in the mid-‘90s, Florie negotiated a purchase of the station. The FCC, he said, had changed its limits on ownership so that the same company could own two FM stations in the same market. The plan, he said, was to switch the formats of WBBQ and Sunny 105, which they later named Y105. Research, he said, had shown that adult contemporary music worked much better with the strong news department. It made perfect sense, Florie said, but others found the move shocking.

“Everyone was stunned,” Drew, who,

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— Wayne Roberts

shortly afterwards, began work for Beasley as operations manager for WGAC and WGOR and program director for WGAC, said. “That was the death knell. The station never recovered.”

Florie admits it took a couple of years for the switch to catch on, but disagrees with Drew’s assessment and flatly denies what many, including Drew, believe about the format change.

“I’ve heard some people say that George was out of the country when the switch took place and that he didn’t know anything about it and didn’t know how to fix it when he got back, but that’s just not the case at all,” he explained. “It was my decision, but he agreed to let it happen.”

Regardless of disagreements over this episode in WBBQ’s history, events to come in the next couple of years would change the direction of the station in particular and radio in general.

“Even in Death, George Wasn’t Through Giving” The first was the FCC’s Telecommunications Act of 1996, which allowed companies to buy several stations in the same market. Something that was far more important, at least to

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WBBQ’s future, was the death of founding owner George Weiss in 1997.

Weiss, who had been diagnosed with cancer, had been receiving treatments at MCG. Even so, his death was quite a shock for his radio family. Roberts, who considered Weiss a second father, called his boss’s nurse every morning to check on him.

“One day she said, ‘If you’re going to come, you better come now,’” he said.

Roberts and three other station employees immediately went to be by Weiss’s side. “We got there and he was dead within 20 minutes. I cried as if it had been my own dad. All these years and I still tear up.”

It turns out the Weiss, generous to a fault in life, was even more so in death.

He willed both his stations, and his body, to MCG. When Weiss was posthumously inducted in the Georgia Radio Hall of Fame, Florie, who spoke at the ceremony, put it into words. “Even in death,” he said, “George wasn’t through giving.”

By this time, companies had begun taking advantage of the FCC’s 1996 act and buying as many stations as they continued on page 30

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could afford. MCG put Weiss’s stations up for sale shortly after his death and one of these companies, Cumulus, bought WBBQ. One of their first decisions was to get rid of the mobile news team.

Roberts remembers the way it happened.

“We were called into a meeting on a Tuesday,” he recounted. “The whole news team sat down and he started pointing out people and said, ‘You, you, you … no longer have a job. Have a nice day.’ We didn’t even get the courtesy of a one on one.

“It caught everybody by surprise,” Roberts continued. “It knocked out 50 years of George Weiss in one fell swoop.”

Most people, even Clear Channel’s new market manager, believe that decision, as well as some others made by Cumulus, was the last nail in the coffin of what was the original WBBQ. “I think that’s when the citizens of the CSRA started forming opinions about corporate radio,” said Barry Kaye, the newest leader of Clear Channel’s Augusta cluster. “If I had the No. 1 station in the area, the top DJs and news vans, why would I fire those people? The only thing I can think of is that they were thinking short-term – they were really cutting expenses so they could sell the station.”

And sell they did – to Clear Channel in 1990. Since then, the media giant has gotten a bad rap from listeners and broadcast veterans. “Clear Channel, for instance, moves people in from all over the country and they don’t know the area,” Shannon, who was fired from WBBQ by Cumulus in 1999, said. “Back then, we were all from Augusta and we knew Augusta.”

“The bean counters pretty much control everything now,” Drew agreed resignedly.

It’s Not Rocket Science…

Ironically, Kaye is neither a bean counter nor completely unfamiliar with the area, having married an Augusta native. Rather, he’s a former rock musician and Grammy-nominated producer who actually came through town in the late ‘70s with his band Kid Brother, a “blue-eyed soul band.”

“WBBQ was the first station in the country to play our records,” he said.

“We passed through Augusta once when we played in Atlanta and I believe we stopped in (the station). Mayor Young was the news anchor at the time and he reminded me of that recently.”

From playing and producing, Kaye got into advertising and, in 1989, began

“Yes, I’m not going to lie to you; we are a for-profit, publicly traded company. But if I’m firing people and putting in syndication just to save money, then I’m going to have less listeners, which means unhappy advertisers and unhappy shareholders.

It’s not rocket science; it’s radio.”

— Barry Kaye

working in radio. He’s reconciled himself to the fact that his decisions are often going to be unpopular, but also feels there are many misconceptions about corporate radio — the first of which is that it’s all about the money.

“It drives me crazy when people say that,” he fumed. “Yes, I’m not going to lie to you; we are a for-profit, publicly traded company. But if I’m firing people and putting in syndication just to save money, then I’m going to have less listeners, which means unhappy advertisers and unhappy shareholders. It’s not rocket science; it’s radio.”

And as for the four DJs fired in July, Kaye said the decision was based on months of research.

“I’m not the judge; I’m just telling you that the station has gone from No. 1 to 4 to 6 to 11,” he explained. “The judge and jury are the listeners who vote with their ears.”

The response to his decision, he said, has been surprisingly good. “Most of the phone calls and e-mails I’ve gotten are from people who have said that they (the DJs) are nice people, that they hate that they lost their jobs, but that it was time for a change on BBQ.” There are many other misconceptions about Clear Channel that leave Kaye often feeling “frustrated and misunderstood” – so many, in fact, that he jokes

about taking out a full-page newspaper ad to address each one. There’s one charge often leveled at his company, however, that really angers him.

“They didn’t just take somebody who didn’t know anything about the South and bring them down here,” he explained. “I’ve been coming to Augusta for nearly 20 years. I love this place; I want to raise my kids here. Why in the world would I not want to give the people who live here the best possible radio product I could give?”

Many, like York, feel that corporations like Clear Channel don’t care about the communities they come into. “I do believe there are certain companies that will do anything to save a buck,” he said, “but if you forget your community, your community will soon forget you.”

Kaye, however, finds fault with this on a couple of levels. First off, he counters, syndicated programs – which get such a bad rap from many – are often not cost efficient. “I’m paying those guys a fortune,” he said of the Baton Rouge, La., program Murphy, Sam and Jodi which now runs in the morning on WBBQ. Second, he continued, Clear Channel has an entire division devoted to local communities called Clear Channel Cares.

When Kaye took over in Augusta, he expanded that division to include two

“I do believe there are certain companies that will do anything to save a buck,” he said, “but if you forget your community, your community will soon forget you.”

— Steve York

new positions, then invited the fired DJs to apply for the positions. All four did.

“Why, if we’re this big, bad corporation, would these people come back within a week of their termination to apply for other jobs?” he asked.

The Death of Local Radio The downsides of corporate radio, even according to those who work within the system, are many. Dunbar yearns for the competitive spirit that used to be so prevalent. “I’m not happy with what’s happening; it disturbs me,” he admitted.

“I loved it when stations were going head to head with each other. That’s when radio was fun.”

Syndication, others say, breeds homogenization. Listeners in different parts of the country can often hear the exact same music and DJs. “There’s nothing compelling to make you listen to your hometown radio station,” Florie said.

“Without that local flavor, what good is radio?” Roberts agreed. “I can play CDs.” Roberts sees a couple of other downsides as well. Local music will have a harder time getting airplay, and fewer young people will get a chance to work in the business. “Unless you’re super, super good, you won’t get a job in radio anymore,” he said. “And that’s real sad.

Young people are never going to be allowed to have a chance.”

Many add that corporate radio is not created equal. Beasley, which snapped up the BBQ mobile news team and many of the station’s former DJs, have done their best to keep that local flavor. “I keep trying to do the news format that the managers and the consultants want me to do, but I keep trying to slip in some BBQ stuff,” Drew, the morning show man at WGAC, said.

Talk radio, agrees Dunbar, is where the connection with local communities can be found the most. Still, he says, the phenomenon of WBBQ will most likely never be replicated in the era of corporate radio.

“I don’t really see how you can have what we had now or in the future,” he explained. “I just don’t see it happening.

BBQ had something very special.”

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Arts

& Entertainment

“Rocky Horror” Isn’t Just for Halloween Anymore

S

peaking with two performers at a time is often a good way to add a good dose of unpredictability to an interview. Sometimes it makes things more fun for everyone involved.

Sometimes, however, it just makes things even more strange than they would have been in the first place.

Especially if one of those performers is himself a fictional character.

When Robert Seawell, who performs at Marlboro Station and Club Argos as Claire Storm, sat down to discuss his “Rocky Horror Picture Show” project, he let Dr. Frankenfurter out from time to time. And believe me, the Sweet Transvestite had a thing or two to say.

“My castle is scheduled to arrive on Sept. 5 and every First Friday, and I’m just … itching … to meet some Augusta natives with a little … imagination. After all … look at the party I threw for Brad and Janet.”

Lingerie, the good doctor says, is optional.

For you “Rocky Horror” virgins out there, the story involves two innocents, newlyweds Brad and Janet, who break down in a storm on a long, dark road and have to go to the nearest scary castle to use the telephone. What they find there is a mad scientist type named Dr. Frankenfurter – a man from the planet Transsexual in the system of Transylvania, who wears women’s lingerie and is having a permanent bad hair day, a la the ‘70s. He has quite an array of servants, crewmembers, concubines and the like, and winds up having some fun with the hapless wanderers. They experience every science fiction and horror cliché known to man, and go through a very uncomfortable sexual awakening.

Oh, did I mention what Frankenfurter was making in his lab? Well if you don’t know, I’m not going to tell you.

The film, based on a Broadway play, has been a cult favorite since it hit the big screen and has spawned a sort of interactive game involving water pistols, toilet rolls, newspaper, dressing as your favorite character, and the shouting of obscenities.

But it’s all in good fun.

The maiden voyage of Seawell’s cast, Erotic Nightmares, named after a defunct “Rocky Horror” group in California, commences at midnight of Sept. 5. Asked what was going to happen after the show, Frankenfurter gave his characteristically seductive laugh.

“I don’t think I’m allowed to talk about it.”

So the actor stepped in to reply.

“Frank’s going to hang around for a while after the show,” Seawell said. The cast will ´

32

mingle with the audience and the “Rocky Horror” party will commence.

Seawell displayed the costumes he had already made for the show. His goal, he said, is to be as accurate as possible, and so he has altered corsets, shoes and a host of other goodies to look like the ones actor Tim Curry wore in the movie. He brought out one pair of shoes that he has altered to make the heels themselves white with sequins, to match Frank’s shoes in a particular scene. But the white bit is only a covering that can be removed for another scene in which the heels are black. He has added lace garters and beads to corsets, sequins to everything he has come in contact with, and even has a high-collared space cape for his loveable misfit.

Seawell said that there are a few things you should remember about coming to see “Rocky Horror” at Club Argos. “First and foremost, if you’ve never seen ‘Rocky Horror,’ leave your inhibitions at the door.” You will be treated to guys in fishnet stockings, amorous aliens and plenty of sexual innuendo. Not to mention enthusiastic audience members. Second, he said, don’t bring props. The cast will be selling prop bags for $5 at the club. Third, don’t throw things at the performers. They can see you.

“Frank does not play,” Seawell said. Or maybe Frank said it. I’d lost track by that time. “I always have my trusty bullwhip on hand,” one of them said. “I’m sure some of the audience will enjoy that way too much.”

And if you don’t know the Time Warp, which is the official dance of “The Rocky Horror Picture Show,” never fear, Seawell said. You will.

“Oh you’ll learn real fast,” he said.

To get in Seawell said, it costs $6. Even considering the $5 goodie bag, that’s not a lot to pay for an evening of interactive theatre.

There will be tip receptacles, he added, but the point of the evening is not to make money; it is to have fun.

“You do ‘Rocky Horror’ because you love it.

You don’t do it because you’re getting paid,” he said. He enjoys it, he added, because, in spite of the comedy, it is a piece that touches people.

“That’s why it’s the biggest cult movie of all time, because it touches so many people.”

And, he added, the way to experience the story is to see it performed by a live cast. He and his troupe will be on the stage in this production, lip synching to the movie, which will play on the various television sets around the club.

“You can watch ‘Rocky Horror’ on the movie until doomsday, but ‘Rocky Horror’ was derived as a stage show and that’s the way it should stay.”

By Rhonda Jones

Robert Seawell as Dr. Frankenfurter Frankenfurter himself became evasive when asked about his true plans for Augusta, and the world at large. Being aware that charismatic leaders from outer space generally aspire to take over the planet when they come for a visit, Metro Spirit asked the doctor if he had something similar in mind.

“I’d rather throw a floor show, actually.

Fishnets for everyone.”

Asked about his interesting habits and manner of dress, “Frank,” as so many of his fans affectionately call him, said, “I think lifestyles that are extreme are back in fashion. Fashion … that’s what it’s all about.

“If you’re into comedy, horror, rock music and … dare we say it … sex … ‘Rocky Horror’ is a must for you. And if you’re conservative and reserved and uptight and un-open-minded, come anyway. We’ll have a lot of fun with you.”

Cue evil laugh.

Asked if his guests would be safe this go ‘round, Frankenfurter gave a big, Cheshire-cat grin. “Oh yes,” he said. “Very safe.”

You can hang out with the Sweet Transvestite and his gang at Club Argos on Walton Way on the first Friday of each month from now on. Show begins at midnight. For information, call (706) 481-8829.

34 M E T R O S P I R I T A U G 2 8 2 0 0 3

8

DaysA Week

Arts

Auditions AUGUSTA CONCERT BAND rehearses Monday evenings and is looking to fill vacancies on most band instruments. Interested par ties should contact Ben Easter, (803) 202-0091, or e-mail bandforaugusta@aol.com.

SWEET ADELINES PEACH STATE CHORUS OPEN REHEARSAL for singers each Thursday at 7 p.m. at Church of Christ, 600 Mar tintown Rd. in Nor th Augusta. They are on the lookout for voices in the lower ranges. Contact Mary Norman at (803) 279-6499.

Education ART FACTORY AT THE AUGUSTA JEWISH COMMUNITY CENTER of fers classes Tuesdays, Sept. 9-Nov. 11. Fee is $75 per class. Classes include beginning acting for ages 12-16, acting for ages 8-11, painting for adults, creative movement for adults, ar t exploration for ages 4-8, ar t exploration for ages 9-12, clay for ages 12-16, drawing for ages 12-16 and make believe for ages 4-8. Call 2283636 to register.

Exhibitions

“THE NATIONAL PASTIME IN BLACK AND WHITE: THE NEGRO BASEBALL LEAGUES, 1867-1955” will be at the Augusta Museum of History Sept. 6-Oct. 19. Photographs and rare ar tifacts will be on display. Call 722-8454 for more information.

AT THE LUCY CRAFT LANEY MUSEUM OF BLACK HISTORY in September: Ethan Brock, Eugene Campbell, Audrey Crosby, Leisha Starchia, Rhian Swain-Giboney and Gene Threats will exhibit. Luncheon and discussion with the ar tists Sept. 10, 11:30 a.m.-12:30 p.m.

Luncheon cost is $6 per person; for reservations, contact Kelvin Jackson, 724-3576.

ACRYLIC PAINTINGS BY KEIL ALDERSON will be at the Dunlap Studio and Gallery. Opening reception Sept. 5, 6-9 p.m. For more information, call 722-7333.

JACKSON CHEATHAM AND HAYWOOD NICHOLS exhibit works at the Mary Pauline Gallery Aug. 29-Oct. 11.

Opening reception Aug. 29, 5-8 p.m. 724-9542.

WORKS BY TERESA COLE will be on display at the ASU Fine Ar ts Gallery through Sept. 25, with an opening reception 5-7 p.m. Aug. 28. Call 737-1444.

SCOTTISH COUNTRY DANCE CLASSES Saturdays at the Aiken Center for the Ar ts, 122 Laurens St. Beginners and experienced dancers welcome. For information, contact Marilynn Knight at marilynnk@scchamber.net or Brenda Sleasman, (803) 641-9094.

WOMEN ON PAPER GROUP EXHIBITION through Sept.

26 at the Etherredge Center Ar t Gallery, located on the campus of USC-Aiken. The group also exhibits at the Sacred Hear t Cultural Center Ar t Gallery Sept. 4-Oct. 28.

For more information, call 860-3374.

ISRAELI DANCE WORKSHOP at the Augusta Jewish Community Center Sunday afternoons, 4-5 p.m. Open to teens and adults; no experience or par tners are necessary.

Cost is $2 per session, with the first session free. For information or to schedule a pre-class beginner/refresher session, contact Jackie Cohen, 738-9016.

“TWO NATIONS, ONE VISION” PHOTOGRAPHY EXHIBIT through September at the Augusta Jewish Community Center, 9 a.m.-3 p.m. Monday-Thursday. Free admission.

Call 228-3636 for information.

ART CLASSES AND WORKSHOPS are offered year-round at the Ger trude Herber t Institute of Ar t. Applications for tuition assistance for autumn quar ter classes will be accepted through Aug. 28. Autumn quar ter runs Sept. 2Nov. 22. Classes and workshops are open to toddlers through adults and feature instruction in drawing, painting, photography, pot tery, weaving and sculpture. For a newslet ter or detailed information on registering for classes at the Ger trude Herber t, call 722-5495. The Ger trude Herber t Institute of Ar t also offers educational tours; for information, contact the education director at the above telephone number.

ART CLASSES FOR CHILDREN AND ADULTS at the Art Factory. The Art Factory also has a homeschool program and scholarships are available. Programs include voice lessons and pantomime workshops, as well as classes in dance, theater, music, visual arts and writing. Call 731-0008 for details.

USC-AIKEN MUSIC CONSERVATORY PROGRAM now open. Students of all ages and experience levels welcome. Private lessons available for musical instruments and voice; instructors are USC-Aiken faculty and have at least a master’s degree in their per formance area. (803) 641-3288.

WORKS BY ETHAN BROCK will be on display at the Lucy Craf t Laney Museum of Black History through Aug. 30.

Call 724-3576.

DISPLAY BY THE AUGUSTA CHAPTER OF THE EMBROIDERER’S GUILD OF AMERICA will be at the Friedman Branch Library in August. 736-6758.

ART BY ARLENE DENGEL will be at the Gibbs Library in August. Call 863-1946.

PAINTINGS BY DIANE DAVIS are at the Euchee Creek Library throughout the month of August. Call 556-0594 for details.

Dance THE AUGUSTA INTERNATIONAL FOLK DANCE CLUB meets Thursday evenings at 7:30 p.m. No par tners are needed and newcomers are welcome. Line and circle dances are taught. For location information, call 737-6299.

THE DANCES OF UNIVERSAL PEACE held the first Saturday of every month, 7-9 p.m., at the Unitarian Church of Augusta, honors the religious traditions of the world through song and movement. Call (803) 643-0460 for more information.

Make a Labor Day weekend trip to Callaway Gardens Aug. 29-31 to check out the Sky High Hot Air Balloon Festival. Call 1-800-CALLAWAY for more information.

AUGUSTA CHAPTER OF THE UNITED STATES AMATEUR BALLROOM DANCERS ASSOCIATION holds a dance the first Saturday of each month from 7:15-11 p.m. Cost is $7 for members and $10 for non-members. Held at the BPOE facility on Elkdom Cour t. Contact Melvis Lovet t, 733-3890, or Jean Avery, 863-4186, for information.

CSRA/AUGUSTA BOGEY-WOOGIE DANCE AND SOCIAL GROUP meets every Wednesday at 6:45 p.m. at A World of Dance Studio. Couples, singles and newcomers are welcome. The group also of fers beginner shag lessons all summer. For information, phone 650-2396.

TICKETS FOR “FROM MOZART TO MOTOWN 2!” AND “A MOZART TO MOTOWN CHRISTMAS” now on sale. “From Mozart to Motown 2!” will be staged Oct. 17 at the Imperial Theatre and “A Mozart to Motown Christmas” will be staged Nov. 29 at the Imperial Theatre. Tickets are $30 general admission or $45 VIP admission per show. To order tickets, call the Imperial Theatre box office at 722-8341.

AN EVENING OF JAZZ sponsored by Paine College Aug. 31, 5-10 p.m., at Riverwalk’s Jessye Norman Amphitheatre. For information, call 821-8223.

SINGLES DANCE each Saturday night from 8-11 p.m. sponsored by the Christian Social Organization for Single Adults. Held at Westside High School. Tickets $5 for members, $7 for non-members and are available at the door.

For more information, contact Doris Heath, 736-3376.

SOULFUL SATURDAYS with live soul music, spoken word and theatrical per formances through Aug. 30. Held at the Eighth Street Bulkhead, 8-9:30 p.m. Admission is $5. For information, call 821-1754.

Music

DOWNTOWN LUNCH DATE Aug. 28, Sept. 4, 11, 18 and 25, noon-2:30 p.m., at Augusta Common. Bring a lunch or eat lunch catered by the featured restaurant while listening to live music. 821-1754.

“LABOR DAZE OF HAZE” all-ages show with local band Daze of Haze Aug. 30, 4 p.m., at Jeremy’s Nightclub.

Admission is $5, and no alcohol will be permit ted. For more information, call 306-8286.

JIM MCGAW performs Sept. 6 as par t of the Fillmore Coffeehouse concer t series at Christ Church Unity. Show begins at 7 p.m.; suggested donation is $6. Tickets may be purchased at the door or by calling Jill Shealy, 722-0761.

AUGUSTA THEATRE COMPANY MUSIC SERIES begins Sept. 6, 8:30 p.m., with per formances by The Hellblinki Sex tet, The Kilpatrick Project and Dinah. Held at the Augusta Theatre Company’s new facilit y, 1436 Reynolds St. Admission is $3 at the door. For info, contact Jamie Grant, silentnumbernine@hotmail.com.

SOUTHERN SOUL AND SONG concer t series at the Imperial Theatre begins Sept. 2 with a performance by Rober t Earl Keen. For information, call 722-8341.

Theater “CAROUSEL” will be presented by the Augusta Opera Sept.

11-13, 8 p.m., at the Imperial Theatre. Opera chat begins one hour before performance. For tickets and information, call 826-4710 or visit www.augustaopera.com.

“RUMORS” will be per formed by Stage III Sept. 4-7 at the Augusta Jewish Community Center. Dinner theatre per formances Sept. 4-6 at 7 p.m.; matinee per formance Sept. 7 at 3 p.m. Call 228-3636 or 868-9663.

SEASON TICKETS FOR THE AUGUSTA PLAYERS 2003/2004 MAINSTAGE SEASON now on sale. Shows include “Grease,” “Annie,” “Evita” and “The Wiz.” Season ticket packages range from $75-$124, with additional packages including the Glass Slipper Ball annual fundraiser in October. For more information, visit www.augustaplayers.com or call 826-4707.

HEALTH PAGE

Attractions AUGUSTA CANAL INTERPRETIVE CENTER: Housed in Enterprise Mill, the center contains displays and models focusing on the Augusta Canal’s functions and importance to the textile industry. Hours are Mon.-Sat., 10 a.m.-6 p.m. and Sun., 1-6 p.m. Admission is $5 adult, $4 seniors and military and $3 children ages 6-18. Children under 6 admitted free. For information, visit www.augustacanal.com or call 823-0440.

THE BOYHOOD HOME OF WOODROW WILSON: Circa 1859 Presby terian manse occupied by the family of President Woodrow Wilson as a child during the Civil War and Reconstruction. Original and period antiques, restored house, kitchen and carriage house. 419 Seventh Street. Open 10 a.m.-5 p.m., Tues.-Sat. Tours available; groups of 10 or more by appointment only. Admission is $5 adults, $4 seniors, $3 students under 18 and free for ages 5 and under. 722-9828.

AUGUSTA GOLF & GARDENS OF THE GEORGIA GOLF HALL OF FAME features beautiful display gardens, as well as bronze sculptures of some of golf’s greatest masters. Available for rent for a variety of functions.

Group discount rates available. Closed Mondays; open from 9 a.m.-5 p.m. Tues.-Sat.; open from 1-5 p.m. on Sunday. New spring and summer hours begin March 21: open Tues.-Sat. 9 a.m.-9 p.m. and Sundays 11 a.m.-7 p.m. Admission is $5.50 for adults; $4.50 for students, seniors and military; $3.50 for children (4-12); free for children 3 and under. Sundays are two for one with a Super Sunday coupon. Annual garden memberships are available. Call 724-4443 or 1-888-874-4443. Also, visit their Web site at www.gghf.org.

NATIONAL SCIENCE CENTER’S FORT DISCOVERY: Children and adults alike can immerse themselves in the wonders of science through live demonstrations, vir tual realities, Starlab, KidScape and more than 250 hands-on exhibits. General Admission: $8 for adults; $6 for children, seniors and active military. Group rates available.

Operating hours: Mon.-Sat., 10 a.m.-5 p.m.; Sunday, noon-5 p.m. Call 821-0200, 1-800-325-5445 or visit their Web site at www.NationalScienceCenter.org.

REDCLIFFE STATE HISTORIC SITE: 1859 mansion of S.C. Governor James Henry Hammond, held by the family for three generations until 1975. Grounds and slave quar ters are open Thursday-Monday, 9 a.m.-6 p.m.

House tours will be of fered on Saturdays and Sundays at 1, 2 and 3 p.m. Admission to the grounds is free. Fee for house tours is $3 for adults and children ages 6-17. For more information, call (803) 827-1473. 181 Redclif fe Road, Beech Island.

SACRED HEART CULTURAL CENTER is of fering tours of its 100-year-old building. Mon.-Fri., 9 a.m.-5 p.m. $1 per person, children free. 826-4700.

HISTORIC COTTON EXCHANGE WELCOME CENTER: Open Mon.-Sat., 10 a.m.-6 p.m.; Sun. 1-5 p.m.

Riverwalk. Free. The center also of fers guided driving tours of downtown Augusta and Summerville every Saturday through Aug. 4 from 1:30-3:30 p.m. and at other times upon request. Cost for tours is $10 for adults and $5 for children ages 12 and under. Reservations are suggested. Call 724-4067.

THE EZEKIEL HARRIS HOUSE: Deemed “the finest 18th century house surviving in Georgia” by the “Smithsonian Guide to Historic America.” Open Saturday, 10 a.m.-1 p.m. General admission is $2; senior admission is $1 and children get in for 50 cents. For more information, call 724-0436.

Museums ART AT LUNCH Sept. 5, noon-1 p.m., at the Morris Musuem of Ar t. Celia Walker, Susan Knowles and Kevin Grogan will conduct an informal conversation in the exhibition galleries. Lunch will be served prior to the program. Reservations required; call 724-7501.

BROWN BAG HISTORY SERIES on Grovetown heritage is scheduled for noon Sept. 3 at the Augusta Museum of History. Free for museum members and $2 for nonmembers. Bring your lunch and the museum provides a beverage and desser t. Reservations are required by Sept. 2. Call 722-8454.

“MASTERWORKS OF SOUTHERN ART” tour Aug. 31, 2 p.m., at the Morris Museum of Ar t. Admission is free.

Call 724-7501 or visit www.themorris.org for info.

“HIDDEN IN THE GROUND: THE AFRICAN-AMERICAN PLANTATION EXPERIENCE” 30-minute film will play continuously in the History Theatre at the Augusta Museum of History throughout August. Call 722-8454.

“RETURN OF THE DINOSAURS” exhibit at For t Discovery through Sept. 21. A group of animatronic

35 M E T R O

Take care of yourself. Let University help.

Improved Emergency Department “HealthTalk” on WGAC-580 AM Tune in on Monday, Sept.

15, at 8:30 a.m. to hear Alice David, M.D., a boardcertified oncologist on University’s medical staff, discuss prostate cancer.

Special Bone Density Screening!

Thursday, Aug. 28 1-5 p.m.

Family Physicians of Evans, David B. Hogue, M.D. and Sherry Barinowski, M.D. University Hospital Medical Center 4106 Columbia Road Suite 103 Martinez Participants will need to remove a shoe and sock for the screening.

All attendees are invited to a free luncheon on Sept. 4.

Details below in Learn & Live.

Appointments required and space is limited to 24 participants.

For appointments, call 706/868-3212. For more information, call 706/736-0847.

University Hospital has redesigned the Emergency Department in order to better meet the needs of patients.

After months of planning and construction, the changes are complete and the feedback has been incredible.

The idea for the change came from listening to patients and staff on what they would like to see in an emergency department.

“Our primary focus was to provide privacy and confidentiality for our patients,” says George Ann Phillips, director of the Emergency Department. “We worked together with physicians, nurses and the patients through

their feedback and created the blueprints for a whole new E.D.” One new feature patients will see is more private treatment rooms. In the past, patients were in a large bay area, divided only by curtains. Now each treatment room is enclosed with its own door.

“People don’t like to hear what’s going on two curtains down, so we reconstructed all the rooms with no curtains so

For free 24-hour health information or to find a physician, call ASK-A-NURSE at 706/737-8423 (SER-VICE) or 800/476-7378.

Your resource for healthy living.

SENIORS CLUB If you are 50 and older, we invite you to join University Health Care System’s Seniors Club. The club offers wellness services, programs and benefits such as health education and screening opportunities, social gatherings, benefits within University Hospital and much more. For information on how to join the Seniors Club, call 706/738-2580.

Cardiac Support Group “So You’ve Survived a Heart Attack! Are You Still At Risk?”

David Clark, M.D., cardiologist Monday, Aug. 25 6 p.m.

University Cardiopulmonary Education Room FREE Registration required.

Call 706/77-HEART (774-3278).

F OR FREE 24- HOUR

you have privacy,” says Richard Eckert, M.D., medical director of the Emergency Department.

Other features include more comfortable waiting rooms, televisions and phones in the treatment rooms, bedside registration for patients and an improved pediatric emergency area, that resembles more of a tree house than a clinical area.

“We set up a specialty minor treatment area for those patients who need urgent, but not emergency care, so all patients receive the care they need as quickly as possible,” say Dr. Eckert. “These improvements were made to make our operation more efficient.”

SENIORS CLUB MEMBERS ONLY

EDUCATION “Osteoporosis: The Silent Disease” Kathy New, certified densitomitry technologist Thursday, Sept. 4 Noon-1:15 p.m.

University Hospital Medical Center 6106 Columbia Road Community Education Suite, second floor Free luncheon for participants who attend the special bone density screening on Aug. 28.

Call 706/736-0847 for more information and reservations.

“Colorectal Cancer: Signs, Symptoms, Treatment and Living” Mallory Lawrence, M.D., colorectal surgeon Tuesday, Sept. 9 Registration & dinner: 5:30 p.m.

Program: 6 p.m.

University Hospital dining rooms 1-3 $8 for Seniors Club members, $9 advanced registration, $10 at the door Seating is limited to 75. Reservations are required and will be taken beginning Sept. 2.

Call 706/738-2580 or 800/413-6652.

Food, Fit and Fun An after-school group nutrition program for ages 12-17 Holly Ford, nutritionist Mondays, Sept. 8, 15, 22, 29 3:45-6 p.m.

Weight Management and Nutrition Center Includes group sessions with dietitian and behaviorist, supervised exercise and individual instruction for parents and adolescents.

To learn more about this program, call 706/774-2956.

Lymphedema Education Tuesday, Sept. 2 5 p.m.

University Breast Health Center Professional Center 2, Suite 205 FREE Call 706/774-4141 to register.

HEALTH INFORMATION , CALL

1899 Central Ave. For more information, call 706/731-9060.

FREE Blood Pressure Check FREE Glucose Screening FREE Height & Weight Measurement Wednesdays, Sept. 3, 10, 17, 24 9 a.m.–noon University Seniors Club, Daniel Village Shopping Center No appointment necessary. For information, call 706/738-2580.

“I Can Cope” Cancer support group Saturday, Sept. 6 9 a.m.-3 p.m.

First Baptist Church, Augusta FREE Child-care will be provided.

To register, call 706/731-9900.

Bone Density Screening Wednesday, Sept. 3 9 a.m.- noon University Seniors Club, Daniel Village Shopping Center FREE for Seniors Club members Participants will need to remove a shoe and sock for this screening.

No appointment necessary. For information, call 706/738-2580.

FREE Prostate Screening For all men over 50 and African-American men over 45

“Osteoporosis: The Silent Disease” Kathy New, certified densitomitry technologist Tuesday, Sept. 9 9-10:30 a.m.

University Seniors Club, Daniel Village Shopping Center FREE class for those who attend the Seniors Club bone density screenings Sept. 3.

Call 706/738-2580 to register or for more information.

Sponsored by

Friday, Aug. 29 Lowe’s Windsor Spring Road All screenings will be held from 8-11 a.m.

SUPPORT GROUPS

Refreshments, information, door prizes, gift certificates, giveaways and a chance to win a $500 grill at each store location!

Pink Magnolias Breast Cancer Monday, Sept. 8 7 p.m.

University Hospital Breast Health Center Professional Building 2, Suite 205 For more information, call 706/774-4141.

No appointment necessary.

For more information, call 706/736-0847.

Alzheimer’s Disease Tuesday, Sept. 9 7 p.m.

Alzheimer’s Association Augusta Chapter

ASK•A•NURSE

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TODAY !

S P I R I T A U G 2 8 2 0 0 3

36

dinosaurs will be on display in the Knox Gallery.

Admission to the exhibit is free with paid general admission to For t Discovery. For information, call 821-0200 or 1-800-325-5445.

M E T R O

THE GERTRUDE HERBERT INSTITUTE OF ART in Ware’s Folly exhibits works by local and regional ar tists. Ar t classes, workshops and other educational programming for children, youth and adults are held in the WalkerMackenzie Studio. Ware’s Folly galleries open Tuesday, Wednesday and Friday, 10 a.m.-5 p.m.; Thursday, 10 a.m.-7 p.m.; and Saturday by appointment only. The Walker-Mackenzie Studio gallery is open Tuesday-Friday, 10 a.m.-5 p.m. Admission is free, but a donation of $2 for adults and $1 for children and seniors is encouraged.

Call 722-5495 for more info.

S P I R I T A U G

THE AUGUSTA MUSEUM OF HISTORY hosts permanent exhibition “Augusta’s Story,” an award-winning exhibit encompassing 12,000 years of local history. For the younger crowd, there’s the Susan L. Still Children’s Discovery Gallery, where kids can learn about history in a hands-on environment. The museum also shows films in the History Theatre and hosts a variety of programs.

Located at 560 Reynolds Street. Open Tuesday-Saturday, 10 a.m.-5 p.m. and Sunday 1-5 p.m. Admission is $4 adult, $3 seniors, $2 kids (6-18 years of age) and free for children under 6. Free admission on Sundays. Call 722-8454 or visit www.augustamuseum.org for more information.

2 8 2 0 0 3

THE MORRIS MUSEUM OF ART hosts exhibitions and special events year-round. Open Tuesday-Saturday, 10 a.m.-5 p.m. and Sundays, noon-5 p.m. Closed on Mondays and major holidays. 1 Tenth Street, Augusta.

Call 724-7501 or visit www.themorris.org for details.

THE MUSEUM OF LAUREL AND HARDY OF HARLEM, GEORGIA features displays of various Laurel and Hardy memorabilia; films also shown. Located at 250 N. Louisville Street in downtown Harlem. Open 1-4 p.m.

Thursday-Monday. For more information, call 556-3448.

LUNCH AT NOON LECTURE SERIES held the second Wednesday of every month at the Lucy Craf t Laney Museum of Black History, 11:30 a.m.-12:30 p.m. Call the museum at 724-3576 for more information.

You think those corporate places serve Italian food, huh?

You’ve never had our hand-made, feather-light Gnocchi, have you?

Special Events FORT GORDON NEWCOMER EVENT: Learn more about For t Gordon and Augusta Sept. 4, 10 a.m.-3 p.m., at the Gordon Club. Free event is open to all active duty military personnel, family members and civilian employees of the installation. For information, call 821-1300.

GRANDPARENTS APPRECIATION DAY Sept. 7, noon-7 p.m., at Augusta Golf and Gardens. Special two-for-one admission; lawn chairs, coolers and picnic baskets welcome. Call 724-4443 for information.

LABOR DAY LUAU AND LASER SHOW 3-10 p.m. Sept. 1 at Augusta Commons. For more information, contact Riverwalk Special Events at 821-1754.

Italian Wine Dinner September 3 $45 per person 437 Highland Ave Surrey Center 706.737.6699 Fax 706.733.8644 Mon-Sat Lunch & Dinner

LABOR DAY REST FEST Sept. 1, 3-9 p.m., at Riverview Park in Nor th Augusta. Festival features games, rides, live enter tainment and fireworks show. Free. For more information, contact Deloris Bodie at (803) 441-4300.

GREYHOUND MEET AND GREET at PetsMar t 11 a.m.-3 p.m. Aug. 30. For more information, contact Grey tHound Love Greyhound Adoption at (803) 278-5441 or 7961708, or visit www.grey thoundlove.org.

WOMEN’S EQUALITY DAY will be celebrated with a command program at For t Gordon’s Alexander Hall Aug. 28, 1:30 p.m. Free and open to the public. For more information, call 791-2014.

MCA 2003 GRAND NATIONAL car show Aug. 29-31 at the Augusta-Richmond County Civic Center and Bell Auditorium. For information, call 724-2400.

“FIRST STEP” DIVORCE RECOVERY WORKSHOP begins Sept. 7, 4-6 p.m., at First Baptist Church, 3500 Walton Way, in Room 201 of the Walton Building. Call 731-5355 for information.

ALFRED HITCHCOCK FILM SERIES on Thursdays at 6:30 p.m. throughout August at the Nancy Carson Library. No registration required and admission is free. For more information, contact Derek Marshall or Jennie Elliot t, (803) 279-5767.

SATURDAY MARKET ON BROAD: Main Street Augusta is seeking farmers and vendors in the CSRA to market homemade and homegrown products in downtown

Augusta on Saturday mornings through October 25.

Market is open at Augusta Commons 8 a.m.-1 p.m. For more information, contact Mary Killen of Main Street Augusta, 722-8000, or Sheri Chambers, 664-1054 or 564-6231.

PEACE VIGIL every Saturday until U.S. troops come home, noon-2 p.m. at the corner of Wrightsboro and Jackson roads, in front of the Army Reserve Office. For more information, contact Denice Traina, 736-4738.

MCDUFFIE FRIENDS OF ANIMALS holds pet adoptions each Saturday, 1-3 p.m. at Superpetz on Bobby Jones Expressway. Call 556-9090 or visit www.pet finder.com.

COLUMBIA COUNTY HUMANE SOCIETY holds pet adoptions every Saturday from 11 a.m.-3 p.m. and every Sunday from 1-4 p.m. at PetsMar t. For more info, call 860-5020.

RICHMOND COUNTY ANIMAL CONTROL AND AUGUSTA ANIMAL RESCUE FRIENDS hold pet adoptions at Superpetz of f Bobby Jones Expressway every Sunday from 1-4 p.m. Call AARF at 364-4747 or visit www.aar f.net. Adoptions also held at the Richmond County Animal Control Shelter, Tues.-Sun., 1-5 p.m. Call the shelter at 790-6836.

THE CSR A HUMANE SOCIETY holds pet adoptions every Saturday from 10 a.m.-4 p.m. and every Wednesday evening from 5:30-7:30 p.m. at the Pet Center located behind the GreenJackets Stadium on Milledge Rd. 261-PETS.

Out of Town “LES MISERABLES” will be per formed by the Theater of the Stars in Atlanta Sept. 9-14. For ticket information, visit www.theaterof thestars.com or call (404) 252-8960.

ADOPTION INFORMATION SESSION Sept. 6, 9:30 a.m.1:30 p.m. at the Independent Adoption Center in Tucker, Ga. For reservations, call (404) 321-6900.

SKY HIGH HOT AIR BALLOON FESTIVAL Aug. 29-31 at Callaway Gardens in Pine Mountain, Ga. For more information, call 1-800-CALLAWAY. DRAGONCON science fiction, fantasy and horror convention will be held Aug. 29-Sept. 1 in Atlanta. For more information, visit www.dragoncon.org.

AT THE HIGH MUSEUM OF ART in Atlanta Aug. 30-Oct. 26: “Ansel Adams and his Legacy,” “A Mat ter of Time: Edward Hopper from the Whitney Museum of American Ar t.” Call (404) 733-HIGH or visit www.high.org for information.

DOG SHOWS AT GEORGIA NATIONAL FAIRGROUNDS AND AGRICENTER: Southeast Alabama Kennel Club Dog Show Aug. 28; Columbus Kennel Club Dog Show Aug. 29; Macon Kennel Club Dog Show Aug. 30-31.

Call 1-800-987-3247.

“THE SHAKESPEARE COMEDY SPECTACULAR,” featuring performances of “The Taming of the Shrew,” “All’s Well That Ends Well,” “Twelfth Night,” “The Merry Wives of Windsor” and “Much Ado about Nothing,” will be at the New American Shakespeare Tavern in Atlanta throughout August and September. For more information, visit www.shakespearetavern.com or call (404) 874-5299.

“RUINS AND RECONSTRUCTIONS: RECENT DRAWINGS AND SCULPTURE BY BRIAN RUST” exhibition at Bank of America Plaza in Atlanta through Oct. 2. Open 8 a.m.-6 p.m. Monday-Friday and by appointment. Free admission.

For more information, call (404) 816-9777.

“A SALUTE TO 25 YEARS OF THE GEORGIA MUSIC HALL OF FAME AWARDS” runs through Jan. 18, 2004, at the Georgia Music Hall of Fame in Macon, Ga. Exhibits, programs and events honoring the 25th anniversary of the Georgia Music Hall of Fame awards.

Call 1-888-GA-ROCKS for info.

COWPARADE ATLANTA features over 200 life-sized, fiberglass cows painted by local ar tists and placed throughout Atlanta. The cows will be on public display through Sept. 14. For information, call (404) 898-2915 or visit www.cowparadeatlanta.com.

GEORGIA SHAKESPEARE FESTIVAL runs through Nov. 2 with per formances of “Much Ado About Nothing,” “The School for Wives,” “The Tale of Cymbeline” and “The Tempest.” Tickets are $23-$32, with special $10 preview shows. Held at the Conant Per forming Ar ts Center on the campus of Oglethorpe University in Atlanta. Call (404) 264-0020 for information.

REEDY RIVER NIGHTTIME CONCERT SERIES through Aug. 28 at the Peace Center Amphitheatre in Greenville, S.C. Free. (864) 467-6667.

AT THE GEORGIA MUSEUM OF ART in Athens, Ga.: “Old Worlds, New Lands,” through Aug. 31; “Becoming a Nation: Americana from the Diplomatic Reception Rooms, U.S. Depar tment of State,” through Aug. 31; “‘Leaves

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Their Time To Fall ...’: Reflections of Mourning in 38 Have 19th Century Decorative Ar ts,” through Sept. 14; “Af ter Many Years: The Paintings of Wilmer W. Wallace and

M E Lamar Dodd,” through Sept. 14. Call (706) 542-4662.

T R HARDEEVILLE (S.C.) MOTOR SPEEDWAY 2003 RACING O ends Aug. 30. For information, call (843) 784-RACE. S P I R I T

Benefits “GOSPEL FROM THE HEART” CONCERT Sept. 6, 7 p.m.,

A benefits the American Hear t Association’s Hear t Walk. Phil U G and Debbie Scholtzhauer will perform at Doctors Hospital

Building III. Tickets are $3; call 651-6104 to purchase.

2 8 WALTON FOUNDATION’S ANNUAL GOLF CLASSIC to

benefit the Walton Foundation for Independence Sept. 8

2 at Mount Vintage Plantation Golf Club in Nor th Augusta.

0 Registration begins at 10 a.m., golf skills challenge from 0 3 10 a.m.-noon, lauderdale/shotgun star t at 12:30 p.m. and

awards reception at 5 p.m. Call 823-8526 for information.

RECEPTION HONORING JESSYE NORMAN for her contribution to the Jessye Norman School of the Ar ts, 5:30 p.m. Sept. 7 at the Marbury Center. Funds raised from the reception will benefit the new school. Admission is $50 per person. For information, call 877-0303.

SILENT AUCTION OF MATTHEW WHITFORD’S WORKS to benefit Habitat for Humanity, Sept. 5, 5-9 p.m., at Banker Dearing Gallery. Call 823-1060 for more information.

STAMP OUT SICKLE CELL ANEMIA WALK-A-THON Sept.

6, 8 a.m., at Riverwalk’s Eighth Street Plaza. After the walk, enjoy ar ts and crafts, food and live enter tainment. For more information, contact Mary Brown, 733-0188, ex t. 2129.

INDOOR RUMMAGE SALE AND FARMERS MARKET to benefit the American Hear t Association Aug. 30, 8 a.m.noon, at Doctors Hospital Building III. For more information, call 651-6716.

AUGUSTA-RICHMOND COUNTY ANIMAL CONTROL is in need of dog and cat food, cat lit ter and other pet items, as well as monetary donations to help pay for vaccinations. Donations accepted during regular business hours, Tues.-Sun., 1-5 p.m. at the shelter, 4164 Mack Lane. Call 790-6836 for information.

SHEPEARD COMMUNITY BLOOD CENTER BLOOD DRIVES in various locations around the CSRA this month. The blood center is urging people of all blood types to donate in order to combat a blood supply shor tage. For detailed information on locations and times to donate, visit www.shepeardblood.org. You may also call Susan Edwards at (803) 643-7996 for information on Aiken locations and Nancy Szocinski at 737-4551 for information on all other locations.

AMERICAN RED CROSS BLOOD DRIVES at the Aiken Red Cross Blood Center on Millbrook Drive and the Augusta Red Cross Blood Center on Pleasant Home Road. The bloodmobile will also stop at various area locations this week. For a complete list, call the Aiken Blood Center at (803) 642-5180 or the Augusta Blood Center at 868-8800.

SAFE HOMES DOMESTIC VIOLENCE INTERVENTION CENTER hosts its annual fundraising dinner Sept. 24.

Keynote speaker is Ronda Rich, author of “What Southern Women Know” and “My Life in the Pits.” For information, call Safe Homes at 736-2499.

Learning GARDENING SEMINAR WITH AIKEN HORTICULTURIST TOM RAPP Sept. 6, 9 a.m., at Newberry Hall in Aiken. Cost is $20. To register, call the Aiken Downtown Development Association at (803) 649-2221.

AUGUSTA STATE UNIVERSITY CONTINUING EDUCATION is now offering the following classes: stained glass, ice skating, yoga, beginning shag, belly dance, introduction to the world of wine, drivers education and more. Also, ASU offers online courses. For more information, call 737-1636 or visit www.ced.aug.edu.

AIKEN TECH CONTINUING EDUCATION of fers the following courses: PCs 101, Microsof t cer tified system administrator, health care courses, massage and bodywork therapy, rape aggression defense, South Carolina childcare training system, real estate courses, defensive driving, driver educatioin, private pilot ground course, motorcycle safety and more. Aiken Tech also of fers Education to Go classes online. For more information or to register, call (803) 593-9231, ex t. 1230.

Health BURN SURVIVORS’ REUNION Aug. 29-31 at Pinway Plantation. All burn survivors are invited to at tend.

Par ticipants will enjoy a Day in the Country Festival, as well as other planned activities. For more information, contact the Southeastern Firefighters’ Burn Foundation at 650-BURN or 1-800-650-BURN. HATHA YOGA with Tess Stephens at the St. Joseph Wellness Center in Daniel Village Plaza. Day time classes held from 10 a.m.-noon Monday, Wednesday and Friday.

Evening classes held from 5:30-7:30 p.m. Monday and Wednesday and also 6:30-8:30 p.m. Tuesday and Thursday. Cost is $60 per month for unlimited classes or $10 per class. For more information, contact Tess at 7382782.

FREE HATHA AND KRIYA YOGA CLASSES at Christ Church Unity. Hatha Yoga classes Mondays and Wednesdays, 9-10:30 a.m.; meditation-focused Kriya Yoga Tuesdays 6-7:30 p.m. Voluntary of ferings are accepted. Call 738-2458 for more information.

THE MCG BREAST CANCER SUPPORT GROUP meets the third Thursday of every month at 7 p.m. and provides education and suppor t for those with breast cancer. For information, call 721-1467.

DIET COUNSELING CLASSES for diabetics and those with high cholesterol at CSRA Par tners in Health, 1220 Augusta West Parkway. Free. Call 860-3001 for class schedule.

PROJECT LINK COMMUNITY LECTURE SERIES is held the first Tuesday of every month and is sponsored by the MCG Children’s Medical Center. Project Link provides educational resources and guidance for families who have children with developmental delays, disabilities and other specialized health concerns. Free and open to the public; takes place from 6:30-8 p.m. in the main conference room at the Children’s Medical Center. Sept. 2 program is “Transition to College for Students with Disabilities: Every thing You Had No Idea You Were Supposed to Know.” Call 721-6838 for information.

UNIVERSITY HEALTH CARE SYSTEM COMMUNITY EDUCATION holds workshops, seminars and classes on a variet y of topics: weight and nutrition, women’s health, cancer, diabetes, seniors’ health and more.

Suppor t groups and health screenings are also of fered. Call 736-0847 for details.

PEACHCARE FOR KIDS AND RIGHT FROM THE START MEDICADE offer free or low-cost health coverage to qualifying families. Coverage includes prenatal care, hospitalization, vaccines, dental and vision care and is available to pregnant women of all ages and to children through age 19. Contact the RSM Project at 729-2086 or 721-5611 for information.

YOGA CLASSES at Walton Rehabilitation Hospital are held on Tuesdays and Thursdays from 7-8 a.m. for $45/month or 10:30 a.m. to noon for $55/month. Call 823-6294.

FREE HIV/AIDS TESTING every Tuesday from 4-7 p.m. at St. Stephen’s Ministry, 922 Greene Street. Free anonymous testing, pre- and post-test counseling and education.

A FREE WOMEN’S HEALTH CLINIC is held from 6-8 p.m. on Tuesdays at the Salvation Army and Welfare Center, 1383 Greene St. Services include Pap smear, breast exam and the diagnosis and treatment of sexually transmit ted diseases. For more info or an appointment, call the St. Vincent dePaul Health Center at 828-3444.

W.G. WATSON, M.D., WOMEN’S CENTER CONDUCTS EDUCATION CLASSES at University Hospital. Course topics include Lamaze, breast feeding, parenting and grandparenting. Par tners will learn positive suppor t techniques. There are also programs designed to help older siblings adjust to new family members. Some classes are free, while others require a fee. Registration is required by calling 774-2825.

Kids

Local band Daze of Haze performs a special all-ages show, “Labor Daze of Haze,” Aug. 30 at Jeremy’s Nightclub. The show begins at 4 p.m.

SPANISH CLASSES at the Augusta Jewish Community Center Wednesdays, star ting Sept. 10. Grades 1-3 meet from 4-4:45 p.m. and grades 4-6 meet from 5-5:45 p.m.

Cost is $95; call 228-3636 to register.

SENIOR VOLUNTEERS NEEDED FOR THE NEW VISITOR CENTER AT PHINIZY SWAMP NATURE PARK to greet visitors, hand out literature and sell merchandise. Volunteers are asked to commit one Saturday or Sunday per month, 9 a.m.-1 p.m. or 1-5 p.m. Call 828-2109 for information.

“MOMMY AND ME” program at Augusta Jewish Community Center. Crawlers class for babies 7-12 months Tuesdays, 10-10:45 a.m., beginning Sept. 2 and walkers class for babies 12-24 months Wednesdays, 1010:45 a.m., beginning Sept. 3. Cost is $35 per month.

Call 228-3636.

FIT 4 EVER LIGHT IMPACT FITNESS CLASS is $25 for 12 tickets for Aiken city residents and $45 for all others.

Classes are held at the H.O. Weeks Center in Aiken on Mondays, Wednesdays and Fridays, 10-11 a.m. Call (803) 642-7631 for information.

SCHOOL’S OUT PRIME TIME PROGRAM at the Family Y’s Wheeler Branch location Sept. 1, 9 a.m.-4 p.m., with early drop-of f and late pick-up available. Cost is $14 per child pre-registered or $20 per child registering the day of the program. For details, call 738-7006.

“TECHNOLOGY AND TENNIS FOR LIFE” FALL SESSION through MACH Academy will be held through Dec. 18 at May Park Communit y Center or Fleming Tennis Center. Program includes homework assistance, computer instruction, tennis and fitness instruction, field trips and more. Fee is $50 per month. For information, call 796-5046.

GIRLS INCORPORATED OF THE CSRA AFTER-SCHOOL PROGRAM runs through May 21, 2004. Open to girls currently enrolled in kindergar ten through high school. In addition to of fering specialized programs, Girls Incorporated of fers van pick-up at select schools, neighborhood drop-of f, homework room and a hot evening meal. For information, call 733-2512.

STORYLAND THEATRE is now taking reser vations for the 2003-2004 season: “Sleeping Beaut y” Oct. 28-Nov. 1, “The Cour tship of Senorita Florabella” Feb. 24-29 and “Hansel and Gretel” April 13-17. Season tickets for weekday school per formances are $9 per student; season tickets for weekend family matinees are $10.50 per person. For reser vations, call Stor yland Theatre at 736-3455 or fa x a request to 736-3349.

YOUTH LEADERSHIP DEVELOPMENT SKILLS PROGRAM for teens ages 12-19 held the third Saturday of the month at the Lucy Craft Laney Museum of Black History. Call 724-3576.

WEEKLY STORY SESSIONS at all branch libraries. Visit www.ecgrl.public.lib.ga.us for more information.

FIRST SATURDAY STORYTELLING at the Lucy Craf t Laney Museum. In addition, there is a tour of the museum. Held 10 a.m.-noon the first Saturday of the month.

Call 724-3576.

Seniors

THE INSTRUMENT PETTING ZOO will be at the Augusta Museum of History Sept. 7, 1-5 p.m. Local musicians and Augusta Symphony members will conduct demonstrations, musical learning activities and mini-concer ts.

Admission is $1. For more information, call the Augusta Symphony of fices at 826-4705.

SENIOR CITIZENS’ FISH FRY with the Augusta Fire Depar tment Sept. 5, noon-2 p.m., at Engine Company No. 5, 1898 Mar tin Luther King Jr. Blvd. Educational exhibits and community information will also be available. For details, call 821-2909.

“SNOW WHITE” will be presented by Augusta State University’s Born To Read Literacy Center and Patchwork Players Sept. 9, at 9, 10 and 11 a.m. Tickets are $3 per person. For information, call 733-7043.

COMPUTER COURSES: Personal Computers for Seniors, Sept. 8-9; and Internet and E-mail for Seniors, Sept. 1516 at Aiken Technical College. Classes run 9 a.m.-noon and cost is $50. Call (803) 593-9231, ex t. 1230.

THE CARE MANAGEMENT CONSULTANT COMPANY, a non-profit organization, provides transpor tation for seniors who live in the 30906 and 30815 zip code area. For a minimal fee, door-to-door shut tles provide safe, clean and dependable transpor tation 9 a.m.-4 p.m.

Appointments must be made 24 hours in advance; call Linda Washington, 733-8771, or leave a message for more information.

COMPUTER CLASSES FOR SENIOR CITIZENS Tuesdays and Thursdays, 11 a.m.-1 p.m. at Shiloh Comprehensive Community Center. For more information, call 738-0089.

AIKEN PARKS AND RECREATION of fers a multitude of programs for senior adults, including bridge clubs, fitness classes, canasta clubs, line dancing, racquetball, ar ts and craf ts, tennis and excursions. For more information, call (803) 642-7631.

JUD C. HICKEY CENTER FOR ALZHEIMER’S CARE provides families and caregivers of those with Alzheimer’s disease and dementia a break during the day. Activities and care available at the adult day center, and homecare is available as well. For information, call 738-5039.

THE ACADEMY FOR LIFELONG LEARNING of fers lectures, courses, field trips, discussion groups and community information seminars on a variety of topics to mature adults. For more information, contact the USC-Aiken Of fice of Continuing Education at (803) 641-3288.

THE SENIOR CITIZENS COUNCIL OF GREATER AUGUSTA AND THE CSRA offers a variety of classes, including aerobics, quilting, tai chi, Spanish, crochet, line dancing, bowling, bridge, computers, drama club/readers theatre and pinochle. For dates and times, phone 826-4480.

SENIORNET provides adults age 50 and over education for and access to computer technology. Many dif ferent courses are of fered. Contact the USC-Aiken Continuing Education Of fice at (803) 641-3563.

Sports PYTHON POWER LEAGUE’S SOUTH CAROLINA STATE DRUG-FREE POWERLIFTING CHAMPIONSHIPS Sept. 6 at the Muscle Factory, 4631A Aiken-Augusta Highway in Nor th Augusta. For more information, contact Tee Meyers at 790-3806 or py thongym@aol.com.

FAMILY Y FALL RECREATIONAL GYMNASTICS PROGRAM held in two eight-week sessions, Sept. 2-Oct. 24 and Oct. 27-Dec. 19. Classes are available for toddlers through teenagers. For info, call 738-6678.

FAMILY Y FREE IN-LINE HOCKEY CLINICS for children and teens throughout August and September. For dates, times and locations, contact Donna Pope, 364-3269, or Winn Crenshaw, 733-1030.

FAMILY Y FALL SOCCER REGISTRATION: Southside Branch registration through Aug. 29 for children 4-5 years old as of Aug. 1, 2003, 738-6680.

AUGUSTA GREENJACKETS HOME GAMES Aug. 28-31 and Sept. 1. Tickets are $6-$8 for adults; $5 for senior citizens, military personnel and children 4-12; and $1 for children 3 and under. For tickets, visit www.tixonline.com or call 736-7889.

INTRODUCTORY AND DROP-IN CLIMBING Fridays, 5:306:30 p.m., at the Virginia Acres Park Climbing Wall in Aiken.

Cost is $5 per session. Call (803) 642-7631 for information.

THE AUGUSTA RUGBY CLUB is always looking for new members. Teams available for women and men; no experience necessary. Practice is Tuesday and Thursday nights, 7-9 p.m. at Richmond Academy. For more information, call Don Zuehlke, 495-2043, or e-mail augustarfc@yahoo.com.

You may also visit www.augustarugby.org.

Volunteer CAMP LAKESIDE WORKDAY Sept. 6 at Camp Lakeside on Lake Thurmond. Volunteers are needed to paint, clean up the camp area and more. Picnic lunch provided. Rain date is Sept. 13. For more information, contact Scot t Rouse, 733-1030 or srouse@thefamilyy.org.

AUGUSTA MUSEUM OF HISTORY DOCENT TRAINING every Monday in September and October, 9:45 a.m.noon. Classes begin Sept. 8. Deadline for registration is noon Sept. 5; call 722-8454.

MONARCH BUTTERFLY WORKSHOP for those interested in studying the monarch population for a national science project to be held Sept. 6, 8:30 a.m.-3 p.m. at Spirit Creek Educational Forest. Free. Registration required; call 790-2351.

ARTS IN THE HEART OF AUGUSTA FESTIVAL is looking for volunteers to sell badges, beer and festival merchandise at this year’s festival, Sept. 19-21 at Augusta Commons and Riverwalk. For more information, contact Lisa Bryant, 560-3950, 724-3728 or L_A_Bryant@hotmail.com.

SERVICE CORPS OF RETIRED EXECUTIVES (SCORE) provides counseling and mentoring to businesspeople star ting up a new business or expanding an ongoing business. Services are provided free of charge. For more information, call the Augusta of fice at 793-9998.

SOUTHERNCARE HOSPICE SERVICE is currently seeking volunteers to per form a variety of tasks, including relieving caregivers, reading to patients and running errands.

Training is included. For additional information, contact Lisa Simpson, (803) 463-9888 or 869-0205.

THE SAVANNAH RIVER SITE CITIZENS ADVISORY BOARD is looking for interested Georgia and South Carolina citizens to run for membership in 2004-2005.

Board membership requires a 10-15 hour per month time commitment and active par ticipation on one or more issues-based commit tees. Female applicants are especially needed. Call 1-800-249-8155 for a packet.

COURT APPOINTED SPECIAL ADVOCATE PROGRAM VOLUNTEER TRAINING: The CASA program is looking for volunteers 21 years of age and older to advocate for abused and neglected children in the juvenile cour t system. Volunteers need no experience and will be provided with specialized training. Call 737-4631.

CSRA HUMANE SOCIETY NEW VOLUNTEER ORIENTATION PROGRAM the third Saturday of every month at the Pet Center, 425 Wood St. Orientation star ts at 11 a.m.

Volunteers under 18 years of age must have a parent or guardian present during orientation and while volunteering.

Call 261-PETS for information.

WORLD HERITAGE FOREIGN EXCHANGE PROGRAM is looking for area families, couples and single parents to host high-school-aged foreign exchange students for a semester or a year in the U.S. For more information, visit www.world-heritage.org or contact Beth Folland, (803) 279-2696 or 1-800-888-9040.

THE KITTY ORTIZ DE LEON FOUNDATION needs volunteers to help promote organ donor awareness. For more information, please contact Cassandra Reed at 481-0105 or kodfoundation@aol.com.

GOLDEN HARVEST FOOD BANK needs volunteers during the day, from 8:30 a.m.-4 p.m. Monday-Friday, to help sor t donated products and assist in their agency shopping area. Help is needed year-round. If you are able to lift 25

pounds, can commit to at least 3-4 hours per month and would like to help fight hunger in the Augusta area, contact Laurie Roper at 736-1199, ex t. 208.

AUGUSTA-RICHMOND COUNTY ANIMAL CONTROL: New volunteer orientation is scheduled the first Saturday of each month at 1 p.m. at the shelter, 4164 Mack Lane. Schedule subject to change; call 790-6836 to verify dates and times.

SHEPEARD COMMUNITY BLOOD CENTER is seeking donors to prevent a blood supply shor tage. To donate call 737-4551, 854-1880 or (803) 643-7996.

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Voted Best Steak In Augusta For 15 Years 1987-2002

Meetings THE NORTH AUGUSTA ARTIST GUILD meets the first Tuesday of each month, 7 p.m., in the Ar ts and Crafts Room of the Riverview Park Activities Center. For more information, contact Yvonne Kinney, 819-9787.

THE CENTRAL SAVANNAH RIVER LAND TRUST ROUNDTABLE DISCUSSION 8 a.m. Aug. 28 at the Augusta Museum of History. Topic is regional greenspace planning.

For more information, call 312-5263.

pure joy Become an anonymous egg donor! Ovations is seeking healthy, educated women between the ages of 18-31, living in or going to college in the Aiken-Augusta area.

Suitable donors will be compensated in the sum of $5,000

“A COURSE IN MIRACLES” DISCUSSION GROUP meets Wednesdays, 7 p.m., at Christ Church Unity to explore writings on spirituality and inner peace. Call 738-2458.

NAR-ANON FAMILY GROUP for relatives and friends of drug abusers. No dues or fees. The group meets Mondays at 7 p.m. in Room 430 of the Summerville Building beside St. Joseph’s Hospital. For information, contact Kathy, 650-0947, or Josie, 414-5576.

A U G

2856 Washington Rd. 73-STEAK 1654 Gordon Hwy. 796-1875

For more information call 733-0130 1-866-517-7513

al gic Ma pets Pup

Chin Dra ese gon s

Arts in the Heart of Augusta

Children’s Stage September 19-21, 2003

ine Div ers c Dan

Ch ild Pla ren’s ys

Children 10 & under Free!

www.augustaarts.com

ALCOHOLICS ANONYMOUS: For more information and a meeting schedule, call 860-8331.

OVEREATERS ANONYMOUS meets Tuesdays, 6-7:30 p.m. Call 785-0006 for location and information.

NARCOTICS ANONYMOUS: If you want to stop using any drugs, there is a way out. Help is available at no cost.

Call the Narcotics Anonymous help line for information and meeting schedules at 855-2419.

CHRIST-BASED RECOVERY MEETING every Tuesday, 6:30 p.m., at the Love & Light Healing Center. Please use the back entrance. For information, contact Kenny Stacy, 373-5585.

FREE ‘N’ ONE SUPPORT GROUP for those bat tling addiction to drugs and alcohol. Approach is a spiritual one. Held ever y Thursday night. For information, contact Sarah Barnes, 772-7325.

TOUGH LOVE SUPPORT GROUP Monday nights, 6:307:30 p.m. at the South Augusta Resource Center. Learn how to understand addiction and how to exercise tough love with those you care about. Call Sarah Barnes, 7727325, for info.

GEORGIA-CAROLINA TOASTMASTERS meets Wednesdays at noon at the Clubhouse, 2567 Washington Rd. $8 for lunch; visitors welcome. 860-9854.

SEXAHOLICS ANONYMOUS, a 12-step program of recovery from addiction to obsessive/compulsive sexual thoughts and behaviors, meets Wednesdays at 8 p.m. and Saturdays at 7 p.m. at Augusta Counseling Services. Call 339-1204 and leave first name and phone number; a confidential reply is assured.

AUGUSTA TOASTMASTERS CLUB #326 meets Thursdays at 7:30 p.m. at Advent Lutheran Church. Call 868-8431.

BUSINESS NETWORK INTERNATIONAL Augusta Chapter meets every Thursday morning from 7-8:30 a.m. at the Cour tyards by Mariot t. The group is a business networking group designed to give and receive referrals. All professionals welcome. For more information or to join, call Barbara Crenshaw, 868-3772.

RIVERWALK TOASTMASTERS meets Mondays, 7 p.m. in Classroom 3 at University Hospital. Call Gale Kan, 855-7071.

GUIDELINES: Public service announcements are listed in this section without charge at the discretion of the editor.

Announcements must be received by Monday at noon and will be included as space permits. Send to Events, Metro Spirit, P.O. Box 3809, Augusta, GA 30914 or fax (706) 733-6663. You may also e-mail listings to rhonda.jones@metrospirit.com or lisa.jordan@metrospirit.com. Listings cannot be taken over the phone.

M E T R O S P I R I T

Weekly

OVEREATERS ANONYMOUS 12-Step Recovery Program meets Mondays, Tuesdays, Thursdays and Saturdays in Augusta and Saturdays in Waynesboro. No dues or fees.

For meeting times and places, call 278-5156.

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TOTAL FITNESS LUNCHTIME classes at the H.O. Weeks Center in Aiken. For ty-minute classes of fer a full workout, and full shower and locker-room facilities are available. $15 per month. Call (803) 642-7631.

Drop in for a Quick Lunch Fresh Sandwiches Salads Daily Specials Homemade Desserts Special Orders Available 1034 Broad Street 722-4937 • located between Blue Sky & Metro

All You Can Eat Pizza, Pasta, Salad, Breadsticks & Dessert

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49 with drink purchase

Limit one coupon per person Expires 9/30/03 Not valid with any other offer.

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40 M E T R O S P I R I T A U G 2 8 2 0 0 3

Arts: Visual

Art Exhibits in and Out of Town

By Rhonda Jones

O

K, so don’t say you don’t have any art to look at. There’s plenty, and you have a choice whether to travel for it. Locally, Women on Paper, an art club, if you will, who like to paint together on a regular basis, will be showing their creations at the Etherredge Center Art Gallery at 471 University Parkway at the University of South Carolina at Aiken, until Sept. 26.

Overlapping with that one will be an exhibition at the Sacred Heart Cultural Center Art Gallery from Sept. 4 through Oct. 28. In Atlanta, the High Museum is showing “Ansel Adams and His Legacy” through Oct. 26.

A representative of each show spoke with Metro Spirit about their artistic offerings.

Ansel Adams’ Interpretation of Nature From the description given by the High Museum’s curator of photography, Tom Southall, the Ansel Adams exhibit is like two exhibits in one.

“Well for one thing, this is both an exhibition of Ansel Adams masterpieces and familiar images, but it is also intended to go beyond the familiar Ansel Adams, so that the core of the exhibition is a masterpiece exhibition.”

Southall said it features 70 of Adams’ own favorites among his body of work, which he chose at the end of his life.

“So most of those or a lot of those will be familiar to people,” Southall said, “but even though they are familiar, the exhibition gives a unique opportunity to see how Adams had reinterpreted his photographs over the years.”

He said it was strictly a matter of reinterpreting the negative.

“Well, photographic artists in general have interpreted negatives differently over their lives. For him it was an ongoing thing, as it has been for a number of other photographers.”

But that’s not the only way Adams reinterpreted his images.

“Beyond these famous photographs, we also have variant ways that Adams approached the same subject matter,” Southall said. “That will also give people a better idea of how Adams worked and photographed, how he added to the drama of nature in his choice of compositions.”

We asked if Adams ever did anything other than the natural photography for which he is so famous.

“Yes, but you’ve touched on one of the other aspects … we’ve got a section that addresses other aspects of Adams’ work.”

One of his most famous photos, Southall said, was taken from the Japanese-American internment camp

“Evening Clouds and Pool, East Side of the Sierra Nevada, From the Owens Valley, California” by Ansel Adams is on display at the High Museum in Atlanta. of Manzanar that existed in California in the 1940s.

“And we’ve got his presidential portrait of Jimmy Carter and some examples of Adams’ color work and examples of commercial work,” Southall said. For instance, he added, the documentation of a California winery.

“Ansel Adams and His Legacy” will be on exhibit through Oct. 26. The museum is located at 133 Peachtree Street at the corner of John Wesley Dobbs Avenue in downtown Atlanta.

The High Museum of Art Folk Art and Photography Galleries are open Monday through Saturday from 10 a.m. to 5 p.m. On the first Thursday of the month, they are open until 9 p.m. They are closed Sundays. Admission is free.

For information, call (404) 577-6940.

Women on Paper Artist Caroline Swanson told Metro Spirit that Women on Paper got its start in 1988 when a couple of them met at the Gertrude Herbert Institute of Art. “Nancy Schultz had moved from Florida and had been painting outdoors,”

Swanson said. “She kind of twisted my arm to go out and join her and gradually other members joined us.”

You are likely to see them painting almost anywhere in town. And when the weather turns tricky, they set up shop at the Gertrude Herbert.

“We meet every Wednesday. We also go on outings. We go to the High quite often to see the exhibits there.”

And, she said, they have recently traveled to visit a watercolor show in Anderson, S.C. She said that members of Women on Paper have been known to work in water media, such as watercolor, acrylic and gouache, which is an opaque watercolor paint.

As for subject matter, she said, that varies.

“Myself, I paint a lot of still life, but on location we paint whatever’s in front of us, flowers or a building,” she said. “We go down to the Savannah Rapids Pavilion. It’s cool by the water.”

Sometimes their outings produce more than one painting of the same scene, she said, giving them a look at how each artist’s individual style

affects what she produces.

You may have seen the work of Women on Paper, also, if you ever wander into any of the artistically motivated establishments downtown.

“We all have an outlet either at Art on Broad … One of our artists has a gallery on Broad Street,” she said.

That would be the Banker Dearing Gallery, owned by Karen Banker.

We asked her to try to label her work and that of her friends. “A couple of us – Francis and Ingrid – do abstract, beautiful abstract work, as well as some realism. The rest of us are just kind of realistic impressionists.”

Women on Paper are Nancy Schultz, Caroline Swanson, Lauren Kerbelis, Martha Piper, Karen Banker, Ingrid Hofer and Frances Wells.

For information on Women on Paper or their upcoming exhibits, call (706) 860-3374 or e-mail artbycs@aol.com.

Or you can call the Sacred Heart Cultural Center at 826-4700. The Etherredge Center may be reached at (803) 641-3305.

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September 2003

CELEBRATING OUR 4TH YEAR OF PUBLICATION

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Arts: Performance

See “Rumors” in September

W

By Rhonda Jones

only Stage III “Rumors” veteran in the here there is stress, there is great potential for humor. And production. “Maria Elser, who is one of the founders of Stage III, is also repeating what could be more stressful her role. In fact, I believe this is the third than a dinner party at which time she’s played it.” one of the hosts has apparently attempted And there are others, she said, who have to commit suicide, or get himself killed?

Of course, as the guests arrive, there has to done the play before with Stage III, some of them backstage, like Richard Walker, be a cover up. who designed the set last time. The first And so goes the plot of Neil Simon’s time, she said, they were in a church fel“Rumors,” which will be presented by lowship hall, which was large enough for Stage III, Sept. 4-7 at the Augusta Jewish him to build a two-story set. But at the Community Center.

Augusta Jewish Community Center, that It’s not the first time Stage III has proisn’t an option, so he is having to be creduced this particular play either. In fact, ative to achieve the illusion of an upstairs we caught up with Connie Dyson, who and a downstairs. was with the company during their last But they don’t call it theatre magic for production of “Rumors.” And yes, she is nothing. indeed playing the same character.

“Richard is managing to “My character’s pull that off,” Dyson said. name is Cookie – We asked if the fact that Cookie Cusak. I have a lot of the cast had done my own cooking the show together before show,” she said of the made it easier this go character. “And my ‘round. husband is a psychia“Yes,” she said. “It’s trist.” just enough of the same Sounds like just the old show that it’s familiar man that this kooky ground for us so we feel cast of characters nice and comfortable, but needs in the house. with all the new people it “The plot of the becomes a whole new show involves four ballgame. And there is couples who have more stuff to learn and been invited to a fifth — Connie Dyson, more stuff to do.” couple’s tenth Some of the actors, she anniversary party,” she Stage III actress said, have experience said. with the play, even if they And the big question hadn’t done it with Stage on everyone’s mind, III before. she added, is how She said that her own much to let each of the new arrivals in on. Cookie is one of the experience with the play freed her to take a different approach. “I had a starting last to arrive. point this time that was familiar, but it also “By the time Ernie (Cookie’s husband) gave me some freedom to do … I did it and I arrive, they’re not telling us too one way before. Now I can do it a little bit much of anything. The first two couples differently this time,” she said. are basically trying to keep everything Asked just who Cookie is, she took a going without giving away too much of moment to think. “Cookie concentrates anything.” very much on what her life is,” she said.

And so comedy ensues?

“She loves her Ernie and her cooking “Oh yes,” she said gleefully. “Comedy show. She also has a bad back and I and mayhem. Oh yes.” think between the three, I think her time From Dyson’s enthusiasm, it seems that is pretty much occupied. She doesn’t this is a little gem for the actors to pernotice a whole lot of what’s going on form, a fun little piece. because immediately she gets consumed “Neil Simon had said he wanted to write with cooking this dinner. Everything his own farce. He wanted to write an goes on around her and she’s kind of American farce, and that’s what ‘Rumors’ oblivious to it all.” is. But it has a lot of elements of English She said the play is a lot of fun, and she farce. Lots of slamming of doors. Lots of wants everyone – especially you – to come rushing around. Everything you’d expect and see it. “It went over very well the first in a farce.”

Last time Dyson played Cookie, she said, time we did it. I just want everybody to come. It’s going to be a great time.” was about five years ago. We asked her if “Rumors” hits the stage Sept. 4 at 7 p.m., it’s a different experience now. and continues at the same time on Sept. 5 “A little bit, because there are different personalities playing the other roles, so we and 6. The Sept. 7 Sunday matinee is at 3 p.m. If you have questions, call the all react a little bit differently to one Augusta Jewish Community Center at another,” she said.

228-3636 or 868-9663.

She also pointed out that she is not the

!

“Oh yes.

Comedy and mayhem.

Oh yes.”

!

42

43

CAMP MEETING ‘03

M E T R O S P I R I T A U G 2 8 2 0 0 3

David & Nicole Binion

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August 27

August 29

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10:00 AM - Guest Speaker Tommy Tenney 7:30 PM - Music by David & Nicole Binion & Guest Speaker Tommy Barnett

August 28 10:00 AM - Guest Speaker Joseph Garlington 7:30 PM - Music by David & Nicole Binion & Guest Speaker Tommy Tenney

August 30 7:30 PM - Guest Speaker Chris Hill

August 31 8:30 AM, 11:00 AM & 6:30 PM Guest Speaker Darrell Glass

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M E T R O S P I R I T A U G

Cinema

“Swimming Pool”

Movie Listings

2 8 2 0 0 3

American Wedding (R) — Jim (Jason Biggs) is

going to marry his nerdy, peppy, fresh-faced, relentlessly horny girlfriend Michelle (Alyson Hannigan). This, of course, requires a bachelor par ty (strippers), a meeting of the in-laws and shopping for the wedding dress (a dance-of f at a gay bar), not to mention the catastrophe-bound event itself. "American Wedding" becomes something of a showcase for Seann William Scot t, who gets to strut his stuf f right up to, and then well over, the top. Another saving grace is the presence of Eugene Levy, once again por traying Jim's dad, and Fred Willard, as the father of the bride. All of which might sound like a recommendation, which this most cer tainly is not. But essentially, the thing is harmless.

Cast: Jason Biggs, Seann William Scot t, Alyson Hannigan, Eddie Kaye Thomas, Eugene Levy, Fred Willard. Running time: 1 hr., 35 mins. (Salm) ★1/2 Bad Boys II (R) — Vulgar, brazen, crass, violent, stupid, juvenile, loud, long and pointless – "Bad Boys II" is all that, plus a thin slice of enter taining. The scene is Miami. Marcus (Mar tin Lawrence) and par tner Mike (Will Smith) are back as narcs pledged to double duty: to collar nasty crooks, and to tickle the audience with so much cute bonding humor. They kick of f this par ty by blowing a major drug bust while messing up a Ku Klux Klan rally at the drop site for smuggled dope.

Producer Jerry Bruckheimer gives us not story, but the idea of story as gooey plot pizza; not violence, but the idea of violence as car toonish pulp; not style, but the idea of style as shiny pictures for gaping apes; not comedy, but the idea of comedy as compulsive imbecility; not fun, but the idea of fun as a migraine of lavishly cheap jolts. Cast: Will Smith, Mar tin Lawrence, Gabrielle Union, Joe Pantoliano, Jordi Molla. Running time: 2 hrs., 30 mins. (Elliot t) ★ Bruce Almighty (PG-13) — Jim Carrey is Bruce, the goofy features repor ter on a TV station in Buf falo.

He aspires to become a "serious" anchor, but af ter blowing his cool on the air, loses his job and has a rif t with his sweet, please-marry-me girlfriend (Jennifer Aniston). There cometh unto Buf falo the Almighty (Morgan Freeman). The Lord loans his powers to Bruce. Time for some payback, some wild stunts, some sexual dazzling of Aniston, some nudges of

satire. Like Mel Brooks as Moses in "History of the World, Par t I," Carrey has climbed the comical Mount Sinai and, like Brooks, he has dropped a tablet on the way down. One of the pieces is "Bruce Almighty."

Cast: Jim Carrey, Morgan Freeman, Jennifer Aniston, Philip Baker Hall, Catherine Bell. Running time: 1 hr., 45 mins. (Elliot t) ★★

Charlie’s Angels: Full Throttle (PG-13) —

is a dodo begging for ex tinction. Cameron Diaz, Drew Barrymore and Lucy Liu reprise their 2000 updates on the old TV espionage cuties, again combining macho girl brass and "shake your booty" allure. The plot involves impor tant high-tech rings. The buf f, jived angels race dir t bikes. There is a naughty nuns bit, set to music from "The Sound of Music," and a "Dir ty Dancing" jam of pumpin' rumps. Stupefying is a violent showdown at L.A.'s Grif fith Observatory. This dizzy spree of self-adoring ideas ends with out takes of the cast laughing dementedly, wild with surplus merriment.

The term "go, girl" grinds to a halt. Cast: Drew Barrymore, Cameron Diaz, Lucy Liu, Demi Moore, Bernie Mac, Crispin Glover, Luke Wilson, John Cleese.

Running time: 1 hr., 42 mins. (Elliot t) 0 Daddy Day Care (PG) — Looking very much like the engorged warm-up for a future TV sitcom, "Daddy Day Care" stars Eddie Murphy and Jef f Garlin as cereal company promo men who lose their jobs, then star t a home day-care facility. There is an absurdly snooty villain (Anjelica Huston), owner of a posh day-care school. The kids are central casting darlings. The movie, which has a stern warning against sugar-based cereals, is sugared cereal. Cast: Eddie Murphy, Anjelica Huston, Jef f Garlin, Steve Zahn, Regina King.

Running time: 1 hr., 35 mins. (Elliot t) ★★ Finding Nemo (G) — A father clown fish (Alber t Brooks) tracks young son Nemo through the Pacific to Sydney, Australia, af ter the small fry is caught and sold for a fish tank. Ellen DeGeneres voices adorable Dory, who is very pret ty and helpful as Marlin's search mate. The humans are alien invaders, big and nearly thoughtless. If "Finding Nemo" is just another of our plex distractions, then it's a giddy bummer, but as a whimsical warning with bite it arrives just in time.

Helping to make the seas a lasting realm for real

Buena vista Pictures

“Open Range”

RATINGS

★★★★ — Excellent.

Focus Films

44

Nemos could be the good, giving backwash of "Finding Nemo." Cast: Alber t Brooks, Ellen DeGeneres, Alexander Gould, Willem Dafoe, Austin Pendleton, Vicki Lewis, Geof frey Rush, Barry Humphries. Running time: 1 hr., 41 mins. (Elliot t) ★★★★ Freaky Friday (PG) — It’s the updated version of the ‘70s film, starring Jamie Lee Cur tis as a frazzled mom and Lindsay Lohan as her rebellious teen-age daughter. The two are constantly arguing and both wish they could be someone else. When their wish comes true and the two end up switching bodies, they have to find a way back to their normal selves – before Mom walks down the aisle again. Cast: Jamie Lee Cur tis, Lindsay Lohan, Mark Harmon, Christina Vidal.

Freddy vs. Jason (R) — The two masters of horror find themselves locked in a gory bat tle. An unfortunate group of teens finds that they’re trapped in the middle of the slasher showdown. Cast: Rober t Englund, Ken Kirzinger, Kelly Rowland, Jason Bateman, Jason Rit ter.

Hollywood Homicide (PG-13) — As an L.A. cop par tner, rumpled veteran Harrison Ford plays Senior as a leathery grinner who always gets his man, still has a hunter's eye for women and hustles real estate deals while chasing crooks. Josh Har tnet t's Junior is a dead cop's son, but cannot shoot straight, is a veggie and teaches yoga. Junior really wants to be an actor. The antic "plot" is from some kind of slag heap. The main villain is a record producer who doesn't just rip off black talent, but also murders them. "Hollywood Homicide" reeks from its slumming, cynical exploitation of Hollywood as a junky old tar t, and Ford even cracks a wist ful line, about when the town was glamorous. That must have been back in his days as a carpenter. He should have hammered a nail through this script and mailed it back. Cast: Harrison Ford, Josh Har tnet t, Keith David, Lena Olin, Bruce Greenwood, Lolita Davidovich.

Running time: 1 hr., 48 mins. (Elliot t) ★ The Hulk (PG-13) — It's excessive and too long, but with exciting macho blows, it pounds away at machismo. The nerdy, but more than sturdy scientist Bruce Banner (Eric Bana) becomes a plaintive monster, morphed by digital ef fects into a furious green giant.

The Hulk doesn't merely leap tall buildings in a single bound. He springs over Wile E. Coyote canyons and falls from the upper atmosphere into San Francisco Bay and turns huge U.S. tanks into twisted toys. "The Hulk" presses on like a Wagner opera of "Fight Club."

You can end up pulverized and satisfied, whipped and wowed. Cast: Eric Bana, Jennifer Connelly, Sam Elliot t, Nick Nolte, Josh Lucas, Paul Kersey. Running time: 2

★★★— Worthy.

★★ — Mixed.

★ — Poor.

hrs., 15 mins. (Elliot t) ★★★

The Italian Job (PG-13) — If you must remake "The Italian Job," the way to go is demonstrated by F. Gary Gray's highly professional makeover. The 1969 heist was for $4 million in gold in Turin, the new one is for $35 million in gold in Venice. In place of Michael Caine as the top heister, there is Mark Wahlberg. Donald Sutherland appears with his patented aura of suave, cheeky sincerity, yet does not linger. So the crew is planning revenge against icy sociopath and ex-par tner Steve (Ed Nor ton). Steve has fled to Los Angeles with the loot. "The Italian Job" is the real kickoff of summer and also the best remake since "The Thomas Crown Affair" got a delicious new lease on life. Cast: Mark Wahlberg, Charlize Theron, Donald Sutherland, Ed Nor ton, Seth Green, Jason Statham, Mos Def. Running time: 1 hr., 51 mins. (Elliot t) ★★★1/2 Jeepers Creepers 2 (R) — In the sequel to 2001’s “Jeepers Creepers,” a busload of high school basketball players, cheerleaders and coaches headed home from the state championships run into a terrifying, flesh-eating creature on a desolate back road.

Cast: Jonathan Breck, Ray Wise, Nicki Lynn Aycox, Billy Aaron Brown, Lena Caldwell.

Le Divorce (PG-13) — Kate Hudson is Isabel, a maturing young woman, a Californian new to Paris, loving it and mostly loving being mistress to the very French and suave Edgar (Thierry Lhermit te). Alas, James Ivory's film has a nasty divorce at the center.

This patchwork barely has a theme, lit tle story arc, but lots of Paris. It can be def t, yet this may be the most air-blown load of spurious Parisian wisdom since "Goodbye Again" in 1961. 1 hr., 57 mins. (Elliot t) ★★ Legally Blonde 2: Red, White and Blonde (PG-13) — Reese Witherspoon is so peachy and

pink and perky as Elle Woods, girl lawyer crusading for animal rights in D.C., that you can just about forgive the brazen retouching of elements from "Mr. Smith Goes to Washington," including a clip from the Capra film. Elle even visits, like Jimmy Stewar t before, the Lincoln Memorial. The rather lame "political" plot and sof t gags breeze by thanks to her, Sally Field, Bob Newhar t and Luke Wilson. 1 hr., 35 mins. (Elliot t) ★★

The League of Extraordinary Gentlemen (PG-13) — Sean Connery's Allan Quatermain is a

former adventurer suf fering from disillusionment and a broken hear t. A mysterious Brit who calls himself "M" finds the physically fit Quatermain in Africa with predictions of impending doom and a request by Queen Victoria to help save the world. An opium-wracked Quatermain is tracked down by the Dracula-inspired

0— Not worthy.

45 M E T R O

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A U G 2 8 2 0 0 3

Pirates of the Caribbean: The Curse of the Black Pearl (PG-13) — The movie will be a

shocker for anyone expecting watery gruel ex tracted from a Disneyland-ride base. This "Pirates of the Caribbean" is an original, with clever plot ting, some rapierlike dialogue and a scurvy crew of first-rate second bananas. When the Black Pearl, the invincible pirate ship commanded by the dread Capt. Barbossa (Geof frey Rush) storms Por t Royal and kidnaps Elizabeth (Keira Knightly), the governor's beautiful

daughter, what can her secret admirer, the lowly blacksmith Will Turner (Orlando Bloom), do but go af ter her? He's forced to team up with the immensely unreliable Jack Sparrow (Johnny Depp). The movie lies becalmed when Depp/Sparrow is absent; when he's on screen, it's a rousing good time. Since he's on screen a good par t of the time, that makes "Pirates of the Caribbean" a rousing good movie. Arrrrr! Cast: Johnny Depp, Geof frey Rush, Orlando Bloom, Keira Knightly, Jonathan Pryce. Running time: 2 hrs., 14 mins. (Salm) ★★★ Rugrats Go Wild (PG) — It's a synergistic cocktail, bringing together car toon figures from two big Nickelodeon TV shows, "Rugrats" and "The Wild Thornberrys," for a string of gags without a plot. Unless, as plot, you call being stranded on a deser t island that isn't really deser ted an "adventure." This TV promo gizmo and baby sit ter is an awfully small movie, though a Nickelodeon release boasts of $100 million in tie-ins and lists nine major companies. Voice cast: Tim Curry, Michael Bell, Lacey Chaber t, LL Cool J, Bruce Willis.

Running time: 1 hr., 24 mins. (Elliot t) ★★ Seabiscuit (PG-13) — Charles Howard, acted by Jef f Bridges, is a brawny, self-made man whose success as an auto biz wiz led to personal tragedy, then a healing fancy for horses. Mostly, for Seabiscuit. Two other men also are saviors of Seabiscuit, in turn saved by him. Chris Cooper is trainer Tom Smith, a folksy genius of horse sense; and the scrappy jockey, Johnny "Red" Pollard, a Depression castaway stuck with dud horses and even bare-knuckle boxing, is acted by scrawny but muscular Tobey Maguire. The film piles on glossy contex t, but it finds its legs once the beloved horse turns into a come-from-behind challenger, egged on by the media. As a scrappy fable, this corn pops well, emotionally. Cast: Jef f Bridges, Tobey Maguire, Chris Cooper, William H. Macy, Elizabeth Banks. Running time: 2 hrs., 10 mins. (Elliot t) ★★★

Sinbad: Legend of the Seven Seas (PG) —

“Sinbad” is an animated adventure, following Sinbad the Sailor as he searches to clear his name for a crime commit ted by Eris, the goddess of Chaos, who has framed him. He’s also out to save pal Proteus the Shapeshif ter. In an ef for t to accomplish his goals, Sinbad sets out into Eris’ realm, meeting and challenging various monsters and serpents along the way.

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M E T R O

duced a lit tle later in the film, as are Captain Nemo, Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde, and the Invisible Man. One might forgive some of the clunky editing and pasted-together plotlines. Less forgivable is the contrived, bring-on-thesequel ending. Unforgivable and completely baf fling is the dimming of Connery's star-power. Cast: Sean Connery, Naseeruddin Shah, Peta Wilson, Stuar t Townsend and Shane West. Running time: 1 hr., 41 mins. (Wood) ★★ Marci X (R) — Marci (Lisa Kudrow) is forced to take over her father’s hard-core rap label, Felony Assault. She faces a PR nightmare when one of the record label’s top ar tists, Dr. Snatchcatcher (Damon Wayans), releases “Shoot Ya Teacha’,” which then becomes a hit. Cast: Lisa Kudrow, Damon Wayans, Christine Baranski, Jane Krakowski.

The Matrix: Reloaded (R) — Keanu Reeves is back as Neo, empowered hero. Also, savior of the human race that was inside the cybernetic Matrix, enslaved as "cat tle," but has now fled to a life in an underground city. A blur of sci-fi and head comix cliches and "1984" gone 2003, the movie is overwhelmingly designed, but underwhelmingly imagined.

There is the Matrix and the Oracle and the Keymaker and the Architect. Humor is kept minimal, as that could pop the gas balloon. The packaging is cosmic, success inevitable. Success feeds success. "The Matrix Revolutions" is set for Nov. 7. Time for Harry Pot ter and Frodo Baggins to join forces and get mad.

Cast: Keanu Reeves, Laurence Fishburne, Carrie-Anne Moss, Hugo Weaving, Jada Pinket t Smith. Running time: 2 hrs., 18 mins. (Elliot t) ★★ The Medallion (PG-13) — In "The Medallion," Jackie Chan stars as Inspector Eddie Yang, who's paired with Interpol to stop a smuggler known as Snakehead (Julian Sands) from get ting a medallion that promises superpowers and immor tality. Yang and Snakehead spend most of the film playing cat and mouse and then square of f to see who's tougher.

Claire Forlani plays Chan's love interest, while Lee Evans adds much needed comic relief. Running time: 1 hr., 30 mins. (McCormick) ★ My Boss’s Daughter (PG-13) — When a young man’s tough boss asks him to housesit, it seems to be the per fect oppor tunity for the young man to hook up with the boss’s beautiful daughter, on whom he’s had a longtime crush. But he can’t seem to get her alone, as a strange cast of characters revolve in and out of the house on various personal missions. Cast: Ashton Kutcher, Tara Reid, Carmen Electra, Andy Richter, Molly Shannon.

Open Range (R) — Once you are saddled for Kevin Costner's "Open Range," you have to keep riding. It is a wonder ful Western, maybe a great one. At the core of the story is the friendship of small-scale cat tleman Boss (Rober t Duvall) and sidekick Charley (Costner). The action builds inevitably, then bites hard.

"Open Range" has the three crucial things that a good Western needs: actors firmly embedded in clear characters with strong motives; the tension of approach to a fated end; the topping gun-down, here a complex death ballet of jumps and jit ters and stunning bursts of firepower (the best, really, since "The Wild Bunch"). 2 hrs., 15 mins. (Eilliot) ★★★★

MGM/UA Pictures

46 character Mina Harker (Peta Wilson), who is intro-

Cast: Brad Pit t, Catherine Zeta-Jones, Joseph Fiennes, Michelle Pfeif fer.

Spy Kids 3-D: Game Over (PG) — Now the boyish Juni Cor tez (Daryl Sabara) is a private investigator, the rest of his family away spying, and Juni is pulled into the evil video game empire of the Toymaker (Sylvester Stallone). He must rise through levels, liberate sister Carmen (Alexa Vega) and prove himself as the Guy. Mostly he must sur f through gaudy storms of computerized ef fects, of ten in 3-D (yes, you wear glasses). There are robots and blue-tongued monsters and frantic chases. For a while, leathery grandpa Ricardo Montalban is liberated by animation from a wheelchair to clank around in a huge metal suit.

Montalban is always a kick, but the movie is about as Hispanic as a pinata made in Taiwan. Cast: Daryl Sabara, Alexa Vega, Sylvester Stallone, Ricardo Montalban, Salma Hayek. Running time: 1 hr., 32 mins. (Elliot t) ★1/2 S.W.A.T. (PG-13) — Samuel L. Jackson is Lt. Dan Harrelson, called Hondo, who is can-do to a fanatical degree. He's the only actor of sizable presence. Time for plot! Bring on one-dude fashion layout Olivier Mar tinez as Alex, a French psycho who has killed 24 and bags No. 25 by slit ting the throat of his uncle with a knife "given me by my father." He is called "the frog."

Arrested, the swinish Alex of fers $100 million to anyone who can free him. Within hours, L.A. is crawling with crazies armed with bazookas and other big-time weapons, ready to blow Alex free, demolish subways, escor t him through sewers (yes, one has computerized bats) and land a jet plane on a street bridge. Of course, only Hondo's squad can block this evil and perhaps Francophile scheme. Cast: Samuel L. Jackson, Colin Farrell, Michelle Rodriguez, LL Cool J, Olivier Mar tinez, Josh Charles, Larry Poindex ter.

Running time: 1 hr., 57 mins. (Elliot t) ★ Swimming Pool (R) — British mystery author Sarah Mor ton travels to the south of France to find inspiration for her novel. The quiet retreat of her publisher’s vacation home suddenly becomes par ty central when the publisher’s wild daughter shows up and but ts heads with Mor ton, leading to a real-life murder mystery. Cast: Charlot te Rampling, Ludivine Sagnier, Charles Dance, Marc Fayolle. Running time: 1 hr., 42 mins.

Tomb Raider: The Cradle of Life (PG-13)

down a golden ball that leads to a magical chest that is Pandora's my thic box. Chief villain Ciaran Hinds is a bulging suit who wants to release hellish plagues on the world. The high point goes nowhere but down, a long, gliding jump of f a Hong Kong skyscraper. Many exotic places are visited, each one posing like a theme park. But then the wowzer payof f: a hokey cave with acid pools, and ugly tree monsters fiercely auditioning for "Lord of the Rings: The Final Nonsense." Cast: Angelina Jolie, Gerard Butler, Ciaran Hinds, Djimon Hounsou. Running time: 1 hr., 56 mins. (Elliot t) ★ 2 Fast 2 Furious (PG-13) — The speed par ty "2 Fast 2 Furious" is 2 silly 2 believe and 2 cliched 2 be very enter taining. 2 bad. It stars Paul Walker, back as Brian from the 2001 summer hit "The Fast and the Furious," in which he was an undercover cop and rival, then pal, of mechanic and street racer Dom (Vin Diesel). Walker gets to appear slight nex t to the big rack of torso Tyrese, cast as racer and ex-con Roman Pearce. The set ting is now Miami. The script is a chop-shop quickie with a greasy aroma of "Miami Vice." The car scenes are so heavily edited and accessorized with tech-freak dazzle that even the blasting finish collapses into a string of stunts. This film is just a motorized budget. Cast: Paul Walker, Tyrese, Cole Hauser, Eva Mendes, James Remar. Running time: 1 hr., 44 mins. (Elliot t) ★1/2 Uptown Girls (PG-13) — It took four writers to scribble "Uptown Girls," and they must have split their crayon into four pieces. Brit tany Murphy is Molly, who kicked out of her posh Manhat tan apar tment and, though hardly moving downscale, becomes a rich kid's nanny. The kid is Ray, the packaged mini-princess Dakota Fanning, who seems from a Stepford planet.

She may be the most insuf ferable film brat since Kirby Furlong in "Mame." Nanny and brat ty bond with the help of a pink pig, intrusive pop songs and a mutual zeal for inanity. It is just mindless summer fluf f. So, forget taste. 1 hr,. 38 mins. (Elliot t) 0 Wrong Turn (R) — Bad luck befalls Chris (Desmond Harrington) when he sets out on a three-hour tour to Raleigh for a job interview. He’s barely star ted down the freeway when an accident up ahead halts traffic. Taking a windy and isolated dir t road to get around the jam, Chris doesn’t see the SUV full of teens that is stopped in the middle of the road, tires mysteriously blown out. Investigating the accident scene, the group finds a strand of barbed wire stretched across the road — could it be a trap? Cast: Eliza Dushku, Desmond Harrington, Jeremy Sisto, Emmanuelle Chriqui, Lindy Booth. Running time: 1 hr., 50 mins.

X2 (PG-13) — At the hub is the dutiful sequel section, laboring to ex tend the fantasy of a human world infiltrated by power ful, feared mutants, which the 2000 film transplanted from its comic-book roots.

Then there is the ef fects section, each mutant get ting a chance to show his/her powers. There is the senior section of power ful old men, the creepy wizard Magneto (Ian McKellen) maintaining a duel of Elite British Accents with the paranormal seer Xavier (Patrick Stewar t). And the "check 'em out" section for new or aspiring stars (Hugh Jackman, Halle Berry, Anna Paquin, Kelly Hu, Rebecca Romijn-Stamos, Aaron Stanford). "X2" seems to have been made by and for people who constantly switch between "Star Trek" episodes and James Bond reruns, while hoping for some Hannibal Lecter. Cast: Patrick Stewar t, Hugh Jackman, Ian McKellen, Halle Berry, Brian Cox, Alan Cumming, Famke Janssen, Anna Paquin. Running time: 2 hrs., 5 mins. (Elliot t) ★1/2 —Capsules compiled from movie reviews written by David Elliott, film critic for The San Diego Union-Tribune and other staff writers.

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Cinema: Review

Kudrow and Wayans Comedic Talents Wasted on “Marci X”

By David Elliott

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L

isa Kudrow and Damon Wayans are performers of considerable charm. At moments in “Marci X,” we can detect their charms winking at each other, as if to conspiratorially suggest: “Just how did we get stuck in this bomb?”

Not so much a concept as a dim doodle for a notion, “Marci X” wastes both players with shameless severity. The movie achieves the forced agony of those TV sitcoms where capable talents are chained to the weekly ordeal like galley slaves, rowing to the rhythm of laugh tracks.

Kudrow is Marci Feld, daughter of a media mogul (Richard Benjamin). She is a JewishAmerican princess given to charity drives, shopping binges and airheaded cuteness, and is “Jewish” by some special, show-biz dispensation. Perhaps from a rabbinical council of dead Borscht Belt comedians.

Wayans plays rap star Dr. S, a snarly ghetto hunk full of machismo that he weirdly spitballs in a voice somewhere between Peter Lorre and Michael Jackson. He wears a wetleather coat with a bullet belt for a zipper, and Wayans seems to be satirizing rap sexism with songs like “The Power in My Pants.”

Maybe it is remotely possible that Marci

might thrill Dr. S’s Harlem rap club with her improvised spree of perky “white fox” rhymes, with three other shopper dollies in support. It defies taste and sanity that Dr. S, at a charity ball for “kids with no feeling in their arms,” would dazzle and arouse a bunch of female society snobs by stroking his gangsta crotch and insulting their rich husbands.

“When you gonna wake up and smell the brutha?,” coos S to Marci, and she chirps, “I happen to adore black people.” What was writer Paul Rudnick smelling? His rep was made by the subtler gay-themed “Jeffrey” and “In & Out,” but this dimwitted hokum is stridently fixated on men as preeners, women as Barbies and everyone as party babies frantic to pop into a musical.

There is a lot of the abusive word that rhymes with witch. The film rhymes with nothing. The few cute giggles are almost instantly plastered in the putty of Richard Benjamin’s direction — the actor who was very briefly a star, and whose work as director has gone consistently downhill since “My Favorite Year” (not a wealth of style in that, either).

“Marci X” seems dead on TV already. You sit in the theater and feel you are channeling reruns of a show that never happened.

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Cinema: Review

“The Medallion” Is Good Ol’ Jackie Chan Fun

By Jerry McCormick

Y

ou’ve gotta love Jackie Chan.

Even in pretty awful movies, he still manages to come out with his star untarnished by a bad script and ho-hum action and dialogue.

It’s no different with “The Medallion,” a blatant rip-off of Eddie Murphy’s “The Golden Child” from 1986.

In “The Medallion,” Chan stars as Inspector Eddie Yang, who’s paired with Interpol to stop a smuggler known as Snakehead (Julian Sands, best known from “Warlock”) from getting a medallion that promises superpowers and immortality.

Yang and Snakehead spend most of the film playing cat and mouse and then square off to see who’s tougher. Claire Forlani plays Chan’s love interest, while Lee Evans adds much needed comic relief.

Synopsis: Basically, Jackie Chan plays a police officer in Hong Kong who is on a case that involves – you guessed it – a medallion. It is a magical medallion and gives him what amounts to super powers.

He winds up with a British agent as a sidekick and proceeds to go after a villain who wants to get his hands on the trinket.

Credits: Jackie Chan, i.e., the reason to go see the movie. Most recently, you’ve seen him in “Shanghai Knights,” a Western buddy comedy sequel to “Shanghai Noon.” In 2002, he was in “The Accidental Spy,” which is about a salesman who becomes an adventuring save-the-day sort of guy. The prize is a lung cancer virus. Ew. “The Tuxedo,”

from 2002, is about a chauffeur who can’t resist the lure of his employer’s prized tuxedo, which then gives him super-human powers and leads to his becoming a secret agent. Lee Evans, who plays Arthur Watson, the British Interpol agent with whom Chan’s Eddie Yang teams up, has most recently been in “The Ladies Man” (2002), “Lee Evans Live: The Ultimate Experience” (1998), and “There’s Something About Mary” (1998). Evans had his own live show, because he is a stand-up comic. Christy Chung has most recently worked in “Jackie Chan Presents Gen-Y Cops” (2002), “Spaced Out” (2002), “Un Baiser Vole” (2000), “Cold War” (1999) and “Rules of the Game” (1999). Claire Forlani has been in “Northfork” (2003), “Antitrust” (2001) and “Into My Heart” (2000). Julian Sands, you will recognize from “Hotel” (2003), “The Scoundrel’s Wife” (2003) and “Stephen King’s Rose Red” (2002). Anthony Wong is also in “Infernal Affairs.” He has also been in “Fascination Amour” (1998) and “Haunted Mansion” (1998).

Factoids: The movie was going to be called “The Highbinders.” Highbinders were, apparently, Chinese-American mercenary assassins. It’s also someone who comes back from the dead, in Irish mythology. We all know what a medallion is. And Rowen Atkinson (you know, Mr. Bean) was originally going to have a spot in the film, but was replaced by Lee Evans.

Note: Rhonda Jones contributed to the spawning of this story.

MOVIE CLOCK REGAL AUGUSTA EXCHANGE 20 Movies Good 8/29 - 9/4 Jeepers Creepers 2 (R) Fri-Sat: 12:30, 2:15, 3:00, 4:50, 5:35, 7:20, 8:10, 10:10, 10:50, 12:40; SunThur: 12:30, 2:15, 3:00, 4:50, 5:35, 7:20, 8:10, 10:10, 10:50 The Italian Job (PG-13) 1:30, 4:15, 7:30, 10:05 My Boss’s Daughter (PG-13) Fri-Sat: 12:50, 3:00, 5:30, 7:50, 10:05, 12:25; Sun-Thur: 12:50, 3:00, 5:30, 7:50, 10:05 The Medallion (PG-13) Fri-Sat: 1:00, 3:10, 5:25, 7:40, 9:55, 12:15; Sun-Thur: 1:00, 3:10, 5:25, 7:40, 9:55 Marci X (R) Fri-Sat: 7:45, 10:00, 12:05; Sun-Thur: 7:45, 10:00 Le Divorce (PG-13) Fri-Sat: 1:25, 4:05, 6:50, 9:35, 12:15; Sun-Thur: 1:25, 4:05, 6:50, 9:35 Uptown Girls (PG-13) 12:35, 3:05, 5:35, 8:05, 10:45 Open Range (R) 12:55, 4:00, 7:10, 10:15 Freddy vs. Jason (R) Fri-Sat: 12:10, 2:00, 2:35, 4:25, 4:55, 7:00, 7:30, 9:20, 9:50, 11:45, 12:15; Sun-Thur: 12:10, 2:00, 2:35, 4:25, 4:55, 7:00, 7:30, 9:20, 9:50 Freak y Friday (PG) Fri-Sat: 12:05, 2:25, 4:45, 7:00, 9:15, 11:30; Sun-Thur: 12:05, 2:25, 4:45, 7:00, 9:15 S.W.A.T. (PG-13) Fri-Sat: 1:20, 4:10, 6:55, 9:40, 12:30; Sun-Thur: 1:20, 4:10, 6:55, 9:40 American Wedding (R) 12:20, 2:50, 5:20, 8:00, 10:35 Tomb Raider: The Cradle of Life (PG-13) 2:05, 4:50, 7:35, 10:30 Seabiscuit (PG-13) 12:40, 3:45, 6:45, 9:45 Spy Kids 3-D: Game Over (PG) Fri-Sat: 12:00, 2:10, 4:20, 6:40, 9:10, 11:20; Sun-Thur: 12:00, 2:10, 4:20, 6:40, 9:10 Bad Boys 2 (R) 12:30, 3:50, 7:05, 10:20 Pirates of the Caribbean (PG-13) 1:05, 4:15, 7:15, 10:25 The League of Extraordinary Gentlemen (PG-13) 12:00, 2:40, 5:10, 7:55, 10:40 Finding Nemo (G) 12:15, 2:45, 5:15 EVANS 12 CINEMAS Movies Good 8/29 - 9/4 Swimming Pool (R) Fri-Mon: 1:20, 4:20, 7:15, 9:40; Tues-Thur: 4:20, 7:15, 9:40 The Italian Job (PG-13) Fri-Mon: 2:20, 4:50, 7:10, 9:25; Tues-Thur: 4:50, 7:10, 9:25 Jeepers Creepers 2 (R) Fri-Mon: 1:15, 3:20, 5:40, 7:50, 10:00; Tues-Thur: 5:40, 7:50, 10:00 My Boss’s Daughter (PG-13) Fri-Mon: 3:45, 7:45; Tues-Thur: 7:45 The Medallion (PG-13) Fri-Mon: 1:00, 3:00, 5:00, 7:20, 9:20; Tues-Thur: 5:00, 7:20, 9:20

Open Range (R) Fri-Mon: 1:00, 4:00, 7:00, 9:50; Tues-Thur: 4:00, 7:00, 9:50 Uptown Girls (PG-13) Fri-Mon: 1:30, 3:30, 5:30, 7:30, 9:30; Tues-Thur: 5:30, 7:30, 9:30 Freddy vs. Jason (R) Fri-Mon: 2:10, 4:30, 7:35, 9:55; Tues-Thur: 4:30, 7:35, 9:55 Freak y Friday (PG) Fri-Mon: 12:55, 3:05, 5:15, 7:25, 9:35; Tues-Thur: 5:15, 7:25, 9:35 S.W.A.T. (PG-13) Fri-Mon: 2:00, 4:40, 7:40, 10:00; Tues-Thur: 4:40, 7:40, 10:00 Seabiscuit (PG-13) Fri-Mon: 12:55, 4:10, 6:55, 9:35; Tues-Thur: 6:55, 9:35 Spy Kids 3-D: Game Over (PG) Fri-Mon: 1:45, 5:45, 9:45; Tues-Thur: 5:45, 9:45 Pirates of the Caribbean (PG-13) Fri-Mon: 1:05, 4:05, 7:05, 9:50; Tues-Thur: 4:05, 7:05, 9:50 MASTERS 7 CINEMAS Movies Good 8/29 - 9/4 Jeepers Creepers 2 (R) Fri: 4:00, 7:00, 9:20; SatMon: 1:00, 4:00, 7:00, 9:20; Tues-Thur: 5:30, 8:00 Marci X (R) Fri-Mon: 9:30; Tues-Thur: 7:55 The Medallion (PG-13) Fri: 5:15, 7:15, 9:15; SatMon: 1:15, 3:15, 5:15, 7:15, 9:15; Tues-Thur: 5:15, 8:15 Freddy vs. Jason (R) Fri: 5:05, 7:05, 9:05; SatMon: 1:05, 3:05, 5:05, 7:05, 9:05; Tues-Thur: 5:05, 8:05 Freak y Friday (PG) Fri: 5:10, 7:10, 9:10; Sat-Mon: 1:10, 3:10, 5:10, 7:10, 9:10; Tues-Thur: 5:10, 8:10 S.W.A.T. (PG-13) Fri: 4:15, 7:25, 9:45; Sat-Mon: 1:25, 4:15, 7:25, 9:45; Tues-Thur: 5:25, 7:50 Spy Kids 3-D: Game Over (PG) Fri: 5:20, 7:20; SatMon: 1:20, 3:20, 5:20, 7:20; Tues-Thur: 5:20 Bad Boys 2 (R) Fri: 4:05, 6:45, 9:35; Sat-Mon: 12:55, 4:05, 6:45, 9:35; Tues-Thur: 5:00, 7:45 REGAL 12 CINEMAS Movies Good 8/29 - 9/4 The Matrix: Reloaded (R) 2:05, 4:55, 7:50 Sinbad: Legend of the Seven Seas (PG) 2:25, 4:45, 7:20, 9:40 Charlie’s Angels: Full Throttle (PG-13) 2:20, 4:40, 7:15, 9:35 Legally Blonde 2: Red, White and Blonde (PG-13) 2:30, 5:00, 7:25, 9:45 The Hulk (PG-13) 1:55, 4:45, 7:35 Rugrats Go Wild (PG) 2:10, 4:25, 7:10, 9:20 Hollywood Homicide (PG-13) 2:00, 4:30, 7:00, 9:25 2 Fast 2 Furious (PG-13) 2:15, 4:35, 7:05, 9:30 Bruce Almighty (PG-13) 2:35, 5:05, 7:30, 9:50 Daddy Day Care (PG) 2:40, 5:10, 7:40, 9:45 X2 (PG-13) 1:55, 4:50, 7:45 Wrong Turn (R) 2:45, 5:15, 7:50, 9:55

Movie listings are subject to change without notice.

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Sense of Humor Vital to Troubled Hubble

By Lisa Jordan

“T

hat’s the key to life, basically, just not taking yourself too seriously, ever,” says Nate Lanthrum, drummer for Illinois-based Troubled Hubble. This is coming from a guy in a band whose press photo features the members dressed in multicolored tuxedos, all ruffles and velvet, paddling a canoe through cornfields. Lanthrum is also a guy in a band whose bouncy pop/rock pays homage to — and is often compared to — bands like Ben Folds Five, The Dismemberment Plan and Built to Spill.

“It’s a pretty amazing thing for us, because we’ve been really lucky,” says Lanthrum of the acts Troubled Hubble has been likened to. “They’ve been bands that we really like. No one’s said, ‘You sound like something really terrible from the ‘80s.’”

They’ve been together four years, have hit the road multiple times and selfrecorded and released five albums. Not too shabby for a group that doesn’t take themselves so seriously.

“We’re about having fun first and foremost,” Lanthrum says. “We’re going to be on the road for three months. We’re just looking forward to this. We’re having a blast with this. It can be a big pain for us, not knowing where you’re going to sleep from night to night, not knowing how much money you’re going to make from night to night. We’re still in the stage where we’re just really excited and just really happy to be able to do this.”

In the fickle Chicago music scene, a place where, Lanthrum says, bands less committed to their work have come and gone in the time that Troubled Hubble has been together, the band is just starting to find their place.

Even so, when asked how Troubled Hubble fits into the Chicago music scene, Lanthrum replies, “We don’t.” He does add, however, that those who have taken a shine to the band have embraced them fully. “We’re really happy to be a part of it and be embraced by the club owners who have taken a liking to us,” he says, citing Chicago venue Metro as just one of the places that’s been good to them.

“There’s so many bands, there’s like 900 local bands in Chicago trying to do the same thing. There’s kind of an elitist attitude; if you’re not their exact cup of tea, they’re not going to give you the time of day. We’re finally trying to break into the scene. It’s a lot easier now than it was about three years ago. It’s just a big pain trying to break into Chicago.”

Though formed in Elburn, Ill., a small town just beyond Chicago’s western suburbs, Troubled Hubble is no stranger to the city.

“All four of us have, at one time in our lives, lived or worked in the city,” says Lanthrum. “We’re from outside the suburbs, 30 miles west — when the suburbs stop and the cornfields begin, and it’s pretty much that way until Colorado.”

As for how the band met and decided to pool their musical talents into what is now know as Troubled Hubble, it seems like almost a natural progression for four

guys who, for the most part, knew each other growing up and share the same musical interests.

“Andrew is my brother, and so I’ve known him for a while,” says Lanthrum.

“Josh (Miller) and I went to high school, actually, elementary and high school together. Chris (Otepka) and I worked together at a movie theatre in high school. We just kind of took it from there, just decided this was way too much fun to hang it up.”

With two of the band members, Lanthrum and Miller, through with college and free to take to the road, and the other half of the band taking an indefinite break from school, Troubled Hubble is once again ready to pile the miles on the van.

“We came home for the summer and all got random jobs,” says Lanthrum. “We’re all just kind of doing stuff to make money so we can be on the road and not

have to worry about expenses.”

This fall’s trek, the band’s second full trip around the United States, takes Troubled Hubble from the Midwest to the Deep South, up the East Coast to New York, and even to the lands west of Texas. It even brings them through Augusta for a Sept. 6 gig at the Hangnail Gallery. A live show with the Hubble promises to deliver lots of fun: For evidence, turn to the photo gallery on www.troubledhubble.com (we know you’ll get distracted by the canoe video game, but try to stay focused). A May 29 show at Chicago’s Metro features rope lights and a man dressed as what appears to be a large bird of some description on stage. No word on whether or not the bird will be at the Hangnail, but we do know that fellow musicians Fake Red Seth will also play.

MUSIC

Thursday 28

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Friday 29

BOOHOO RAMBLERS

BY TURNER

Hey, Wilbur ... It’s Mister Ed! Dept.

One of the most groundbreaking musical performances ever broadcast on television is finally receiving the DVD treatment. “THE BEATLES: Live on Ed Sullivan,” due in October, features complete episodes of the four Sullivan shows in which the Beatles performed live. The sound and picture quality are in perfect condition, preserving one of the most magical musical moments of the baby boomer generation. The four broadcasts feature three from 1964 and one from the following year. Highlights? Every song, of course, but they include “This Boy,” “Please, Please Me,” “I Saw Her Standing There,” “Help!,” “Ticket To Ride” and the first-ever performance of “Yesterday.” Quite simply, it’s as good as it gets.

Pianists BEN FOLDS and TORI AMOS are two very talented artists who’ve made their mark mostly by writing and performing songs that moan and complain about members of the opposite sex. Of course, the two singers are poles apart when it comes to the sensitivity sweepstakes but, as the saying goes, “you’re never alone with a schizophrenic.” You can

BY

WISE APPLE

enjoy the two lyrically duking it out at Atlanta’s Chastain “Ooh, what a delightful cheese and veggie tray!” Park Sept. 1.

DELBERT MCCLINTON never fails to impress in a live setting. Every Augusta concert from McClinton has been strong, so why not release another live album? It’s coming in October as a two-CD set highlighting some of his best-loved funky masterpieces. Some of the many gems on “Live” include “Livin’ It Down,” “B-Movie Box Car Blues” and “Givin’ It Up for Your Love.” McClinton also covers one of Otis Redding’s final compositions, the magnificent “I’ve Got Dreams To Remember.” It’s Delbert’s third in-concert release.

They offer 4,000 shows featuring the likes of JOHN MAYER, TAJ MAHAL, BEN LEE and even ARRESTED DEVELOPMENT ready for downloading. The digital age continues to amaze with the Digital Club Network (DCN.com), a site that offers recent shows from some of the hottest clubs in the world.

This is an idea that was only dreamed about a few years ago, so now you can enjoy terrific shows from other cities in the comfort of your home. It’s great for everyone except for the fools that keep requesting “Freebird” at every show they attend. Bic lighters not included.

Turner’s Quick Notes Several more vintage YES albums were reissued this week with extras ... AARON NEVILLE’S “Nature Boy” collection of standards is out now ... THE RED HOT CHILI PEPPERS have laid down 15 new songs for consideration for their upcoming “Greatest Hits” disc due late this year ... WEEZER’S next newie is said to be similar in theme to their classic “Pinkerton” set ... JEFF BECK rocks Chastain Sept. 5.

Turner’s Rock ‘N’ Roll Jeopardy A. This long-running local radio show was recently canned by the new management at Clear Channel.

Q. What is The Mad Music Asylum? (It sure was fun, though!)

P

oor, poor WARREN ZEVON. Everyone’s favorite werewolf has faced the unimaginable task of confronting his own mortality since being diagnosed with terminal cancer last year. Instead of wallowing in self-pity, Zevon went back to work.

Zevon’s “The Wind,” new in stores this week, finds the artist surrounded by a staggering group of musicians assisting in his final musical statement. TOM PETTY, DON HENLEY, RY COODER, JACKSON BROWNE, JOE WALSH, BRUCE SPRINGSTEEN, TOMMY SHAW, T-BONE BURNETT and EMMYLOU HARRIS are featured on various duets and collaborations.

A haunting cover of BOB DYLAN’S “Knockin’ on Heaven’s Door” concludes the set in perfect Zevon fashion. Many locals should remember his terrific solo performance in the early ‘90s at the Post Office Nightclub that simply blew the packed house away.

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Music

Malcolm Holcombe Brings Poetic Music to Stillwater

I

n keeping with the singer/songwriter bug that seems to have swept through Augusta’s music scene as of late, the Stillwater Tap Room has booked Malcolm Holcombe for a Sept. 5 show.

Holcombe comes from North Carolina armed with a haunting, smoky voice and melodies that tell tales. And more stellar reviews than you can shake a stick at. Whether it’s Rolling Stone proclaiming his album “A Hundred Lies” timeless – and worthy of four stars – or whether it’s how Holcombe won over Music Dish writer Linus Gelber with two New York City performances, it seems that Holcombe knows just how to charm music fans of all descriptions.

“A Hundred Lies,” recorded in 1996 for Geffen records and then cast aside as a casualty of Geffen’s acquisition

by Universal Music Group, snagged a cross-section of critics upon its 1999 release on Hip-O Records. Rolling Stone’s David Fricke called “A

By Lisa Jordan

Hundred Lies” “a snug half-hour of intricately woven drama; spidery lashes of dobro, stand-up bass and electric guitar frame Holcombe’s roaddog existentialism with pinpoint grace.”

Georgia’s own Flagpole magazine, out of Athens, describes the songs on “A Hundred Lies” as “literate, poetic, bluesy, searching, honest – they paint vivid pictures.”

Holcombe’s newest album, this year’s “Another Wisdom,” isn’t without its fans. A beautifully written review for online’s Flyin’ Shoes Review states, “Like all the best, Holcombe’s songs don’t fold neatly into a category or get to point B by the most direct route. They follow the lay of the land like the backroads in the North Carolina countryside where he lives. They’re as much blues as bluegrass, as much lullaby as lament, part memory and part premonition. Like the proverbial man who looks where others have looked and sees what others have not, Holcombe finds unsus-

pected poetry in familiar places.”

A live performance by Holcombe is rumored to be a treat, sprinkled with North Carolina prose and charming stories about the origins of his songs.

Music Dish said of an April, 2000 performance, “Truth in advertising: Malcolm Holcombe is the real deal. Or perhaps the surreal deal. He’s a bona fide crazy person with a powerful guitar gift and a bolt of The Poet struck smack between his strange blue eyes.”

Now, you wouldn’t want to miss that, would you?

Holcombe also has the honor of being selected as a featured performer at the Americana Music Association’s 2003 conference, Sept. 18-20 in Nashville. For more information on the conference, visit www.americanamusic.org.

Catch Holcombe at the Stillwater Tap Room Sept. 5 at 9:30 p.m. Bertrand Tyler Wilson is the opening act. For more info, visit Holcombe’s Web site at www.malcolmholcombe.com.

53

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MUSIC MINIS The Golden Ticket You Don’t Want To Win Suffering from Michael Jackson withdrawal? For the low, low price of only $5,000 per couple, you can be one of the elite to take advantage of the once-in-a-lifetime opportunity to attend a party at Jackson’s Neverland Ranch. Guests will have a chance to tour Neverland’s zoo, gardens, amusement park, arcade and more, as well as enjoy lunch and dinner at the ranch.

Goodie bags valued at $1,000 and limitededition posters by artist Romero Britto will be handed out, and Jackson’s publicists say the musician plans to donate $1,000 per guest to three charities.

In other Jackson party news, Michael Jackson Fan Club president Deborah Dannelly has put together an upcoming “Celebration of Love” bash to commemorate the star’s 45th birthday. The event will be emceed by comedian Steve Harvey. Scheduled to perform are 13year-old Yannick Harrison, a.k.a. JayKid, the “Kid of Pop,” and “The World’s No. 1 Michael Jackson Impersonator,” Navi. Jackson himself is not scheduled to perform, but he is expected to be in attendance. Tickets are $30-$100 apiece.

Latest Copyright Infringement Absurdity The Fifth U.S. Circuit Court of Appeals determined that Louisiana rapper Mystikal can legally sing about sucking crawfish heads again. Mystikal was sued last year by New Orleans’ Steve Winn, inventor of Cajun in Your Pocket, a keychain toy that spouts off six phrases, including, “You gotta suck da head on dem der crawfish,” which Mystikal

apparently used on his 2000 hit “Shake Ya Ass.” The court determined that, since the phrase was not created by Winn, and since the origin of the phrase preceded Winn’s 2000 copyright on Cajun in Your Pocket, Mystikal was also free to use it.

Dave Matthews on the Big Screen Rocker Dave Matthews has been tapped to play a drifter in 20th Century Fox’s upcoming movie “Because of WinnDixie.” The movie is about a young girl who befriends a stray dog she finds in front of the local supermarket. “Because of Winn-Dixie” marks the first time Matthews will be featured in a major studio flick, but it won’t mark his moviemaking debut – Matthews starred in an independent version of “Where the Red Fern Grows” about four years ago.

Finally, an Answer To the big question that’s been hanging in the air for the past six years: How did Mariah Carey go from wearing nothing but black turtlenecks and jeans to wearing little more than a dinner napkin and thigh-high boots? According to September’s Maxim cover story, which covers everything from Carey’s fashion metamorphosis to her non-relationship with Eminem, Carey came out of her shell after getting out of a confining relationship in which she was forced to wear turtlenecks and long pants, which just wasn’t her thang. That still doesn’t lift the confusion garnered by a quote from the article in which Carey likens herself to Mary Poppins.

Mariah Carey

A hilarious but practical advice column on love, dating, and relationships.

COMPILED BY LISA JORDAN Information compiled from online and other music news sources.

55

Night Life

M E T R O S P I R I T A U G 2 8 2 0 0 3

Left: Don’t miss Chris Duarte at the Blind Pig Friday night. Right: Josh Kirkland and Texas Flood, a tribute to Stevie Ray Vaughan, will be at Jeremy’s, 3415 Wrightsboro Rd., on Aug. 29. For more information, call 733-9611.

Thursday, 28th Adams Nightclub - DJ The Bee’s Knees - Meditate on This!

The Big Easy - Buzz Clif ford, George Sykes Blind Pig - Randy Carver Jr. and Friends Cadillac’s - Steve Chappel Elvis Tribute Show Cafe Du Teau - Bernard Chambers Club Argos - Karaoke Dance Par t y with DJ Joe Steel Coliseum - Karaoke with Travis, Hi-Energy Dance Continuum - Playa*Listic Thursday Coyote’s - The Rhes Reeves Band D. Timm’s - Joe Patchen and the Blue Diamond Express Finish Line Cafe - DJ Greene Streets - Karaoke Jeremy’s Nightclub - Live DJ Joe’s Underground - Pat Blanchard Metro Coffeehouse - The Hellblinki Sex tet Michael’s - Mike Swif t Modjeska - ‘80s Night with DJ Richie Rich Playground - Open Mic Night Red Lion - Paul Arrowood Robbie’s Sports Bar - DJ Tim Soul Bar - Deathstar Stillwater Tap Room - Biscuit Burners Surrey Tavern - The Brandon Bower Band

Friday, 29th

Adams Nightclub - DJ Andy’s - The Faded Blues Band, David Perry Back Roads - DJ The Bee’s Knees - Projections and Selections DJ

The Big Easy - Air Apparent Blind Pig - The Chris Duar te Band, Sabo and the Scorchers Borders - Rod Macker t Cafe Du Teau - Bernard Chambers Club Argos - Spectral Erosa with DJ Triskyl and Claire Storm Coconuts - Augusta’s Hot test Mom Contest Coliseum - Sasha Cotton Patch - Patrick Blanchard Coyote’s - The Rhes Reeves Band Crossroads - Jemani D. Timm’s - Joe Patchen and the Blue Diamond Express Finish Line Cafe - DJ Greene Streets - Karaoke Highlander - Senatobia Jeremy’s Nightclub - Josh Kirkland and Texas Flood Tribute to Stevie Ray Vaughan Joe’s Underground - John Last Call - DJ Boom Luck y Lady - Magic Hat Marlboro Station - Lauren Alexander Michael’s - Mike Swif t Modjeska - DJ Kenny Ray Ms. Carolyn’s - Live Band Partridge Inn - Jazz Soulstice with Anthony Carpenter Playground - Barroom Olympics with Dee The Pourhouse - A Step Up Red Lion - Impulse Ride Rio Bomba - Karaoke Robbie’s Sports Bar - DJ Tim The Shack - DJ Chip Shannon’s - Bar t Bell, Allen Black Soul Bar - Disco Hell Stillwater Tap Room - The Boo Hoo Ramblers

Surrey Tavern - Soul Dimension Whiskey Junction - Voodoo Tuna

Saturday, 30th Adams Nightclub - DJ Andy’s - First Annual Labor Day Weekend Barbecue and Open Jam Back Roads - DJ The Bee’s Knees - The Kilpatrick Project The Big Easy - Buzz Clif ford, George Sykes Blind Pig - Shameless Dave and the Miracle Whips Borders - Jacob Beltz Cafe Du Teau - Bernard Chambers Club Argos - Labor Day Cabaret Show, DJ Joe Steel Coconuts - Dance with DJ Stump Coliseum - Lauren Alexander’s Bir thday Bash Cotton Patch - Red-Headed Stepchild Coyote’s - The Rhes Reeves Band Crossroads - Nobody’s Fault, Highway Jones D. Timm’s - Joe Patchen and the Blue Diamond Express Finish Line Cafe - DJ, Karaoke Greene Streets - Karaoke Jeremy’s Nightclub - Murdercycle Joe’s Underground - Black-Eyed Susan Last Call - DJ Boom, New Day Luck y Lady - Magic Hat Marlboro Station - Miss Peg Metro Coffeehouse - Live Af ternoon Bluegrass with Eryn Eubanks and the Family Fold Michael’s - Mike Swif t Ms. Carolyn’s - Live Band Partridge Inn - Sandy B. and the All-Stars

Playground - Barroom Olympics with Dee The Pourhouse - Quiet Storm Red Lion - Shinebox, Lykachamp Robbie’s Sports Bar - DJ Tim The Shack - DJ Buckwheat Shannon’s - Bamboo Soul Bar - Hobex Stillwater Tap Room - Wise Apple Surrey Tavern - Soul Dimension Whiskey Junction - Voodoo Tuna

Sunday, 31st Adams Nightclub - DJ Cafe Du Teau - The Last Bohemian Quar tet Cotton Patch - A Step Up Marlboro Station - Claire Storm Mellow Mushroom - King Hippo Orange Moon - Smooth Jazz Sunday with Emery Bennet t Pizza Joint - John Kolbeck Robbie’s Sports Bar - DJ Tim The Shack - The Shack’s First Bir thday Par ty Shannon’s - Shelly Watkins Somewhere in Augusta - Jayson and Michael

Monday, 1st Coliseum - Q.A.F. Continuum - Monday Madness Crossroads - Club Sin Dance Par ty with DJ Mykie G Greene Streets - Karaoke

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56 continued from page 55 M E T R O S P I R I T A U G 2 8 2 0 0 3

Jeremy’s Nightclub - Live DJ Michael’s - Mike Swif t Surrey Tavern - John Kolbeck

Tuesday, 2nd Adams Nightclub - DJ The Bee’s Knees - 12*Tone Lounge Blind Pig - Sabo and the Scorchers Coliseum - Tournament Tuesday D. Timm’s - Joe Patchen and the Blue Diamond Express French Market Grille West - Wayne Capps Greene Streets - Karaoke Jeremy’s Nightclub - Live DJ Joe’s Underground - Keith “Fossill” Gregory Metro Coffeehouse - Irish Night with Sibin Michael’s - Mike Swif t Stool Pigeons - Karaoke Surrey Tavern - Tuesday Night Jam Session

Wednesday, 3rd

Adams Nightclub - DJ The Bee’s Knees - Heliocentric Cinema Blind Pig - Shameless Dave Unplugged Club Argos - DJ Joe Steel Coliseum - Wet ‘n’ Wild Talent Search Continuum - Open Mic Jam Sessions Coyote’s - The Rhes Reeves Band D. Timm’s - Joe Patchen and the Blue Diamond Express Greene Streets - Karaoke Jeremy’s Nightclub - Live DJ Joe’s Underground - Keith “Fossill” Gregory Michael’s - Mike Swif t Modjeska - Theology on Tap: Tolkien’s Catholicism Playground - Hari-Karaoke with Kap’n Karaoke The Pourhouse - Edmond P. “The Lurch” Kida Red Lion - Live Music Robbie’s Sports Bar - DJ Tim

metro a coffeehouse

Espressos & Cocktails

Cocktail Hour Nightly 5-8 pm 1054 broad • downtown (on corner of 11th & Broad) 706-722-6468

Get all dolled up and join DJ Triskyl, spinning goth, industrial, synthpop and EBM for Spectral Erosa, Aug. 29 at Club Argos.

Somewhere in Augusta - Brandon Bower Soul Bar - Live Jazz Surrey Tavern - John Kolbeck

Upcoming

Johnny Irion - Soul Bar - Sept. 4 doubleDrive, Minus Driver - Crossroads Sept. 5 Troubled Hubble, Fake Red Seth - Hangnail Gallery - Sept. 6 Cast Iron Filter - Soul Bar - Sept. 6 DJ Roonie G - Last Call - Sept. 19 Orchestra Taboga - Modjeska - Sept. 20

Seether - Crossroads - Sept. 25 The Hushpuppies - Last Call - Sept. 26

Elsewhere

Tony Bennett - Chastain Park Amphitheatre, Atlanta - Aug. 28 The New Pornographers, Young & Sex y - Echo Lounge, Atlanta - Aug. 28 ph Balance, Aerial - Echo Lounge, Atlanta Aug. 30 Marshall Tucker Band, Molly Hatchett Georgia Mountain Fair, Hiawassee, Ga. - Aug. 30

The Hellblinki Sextet $2.50 Import Draught Pints

fri 29th Ladies’ LATE Night Specials (midnight-2) $1 Bud Light Draught $2 Well Drinks - $5 Cosmopolitans Bluegrass in Broad Daylight w/ Eryn Eubanks & the Fold (2pm-5pm) $5 Bacardi Rumtinis Night!

mon sept 1st $1 Pabst Blue Ribbon & Miller Highlife

Many tickets are available through TicketMaster outlets, by calling 828-7700, or online at w w w.ticketmaster.com. Tickets may also be available through Tix Online by calling 278-4TIX or online at w w w.tixonline.com. Night Life listings are subject to change without notice.

Deadline for inclusion in Night Life calendar is Tuesday at 4 p.m. Contact Rhonda Jones or Lisa Jordan by calling 738-1142, fa xing 736-0443 or e-mailing to rhonda.jones@metrospirit.com or lisa.jordan@metrospirit.com.

tues 2nd

thurs 28th

sat 30th

Tori Amos, Ben Folds - Chastain Park Amphitheatre, Atlanta - Sept. 1 Starship - Wills Park Equestrian Center, Alpharet ta, Ga. - Sept. 4 Pam Tillis - Mable House Amphitheatre, Mableton, Ga. - Sept. 6 Mogwai - Variety Playhouse, Atlanta - Sept. 11 Yo La Tengo - Variety Playhouse, Atlanta - Sept. 12 Aerosmith, Kiss - HiFi Buys Amphitheatre, Atlanta - Sept. 14 Boyd Tinsley - Verizon Wireless Amphitheatre, Charlot te, N.C. - Sept. 16; HiFi Buys Amphitheatre, Atlanta - Sept. 20 Steely Dan - HiFi Buys Amphitheatre, Atlanta Sept. 19 Crosby, Stills and Nash - Chastain Park Amphitheatre, Atlanta - Sept. 19 Jewel - Chastain Park Amphitheatre, Atlanta Sept. 20 Erase Errata, Numbers - Echo Lounge, Atlanta Sept. 20 Trace Adkins, Tracy Byrd - Georgia Mountain Fair, Hiawasee, Ga. - Sept. 20 Ranier Maria, Denali - Echo Lounge, Atlanta Sept. 26 The String Cheese Incident - Fox Theatre, Atlanta - Sept. 26-27 Al Stewart, John Sebastian - Wills Park Equestrian Center, Alpharet ta, Ga. - Sept. 27 Cursive, Blood Brothers - Echo Lounge, Atlanta - Sept. 27 The Raveonettes, Stellastarr - Echo Lounge, Atlanta - Oct. 9

Irish Pub Night (8pm-10pm) Live Celtic Music w/ Sibin $2.50 Guinness & Harp Irish Drink Specials

wed 3rd Metro Orientation $1 Bud Light Draught $2.50 Jagermeister Shots $3.50 Jager Bombs $4 Irish Car Bombs coming 1st Friday Art Opening w/ Kavan Elliot of Atlanta

Thursday - 28 BRANDON BOWER Friday - 29 & Saturday - 30 SOUL DIMENSION Monday - 1 JOHN KOLBECK Tuesday - 2 TUESDAY NIGHT JAM SESSION

Surrey Tavern 471 Highland Ave. | 736-1221

| Open Mon-Sat at 4 pm until

Wednesday - 3 JOHN KOLBECK

MONDAY NIGHT FOOTBALL IS BACK! FREE PIZZA!

WE’LL BE CLOSED LABOR DAY

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57 M E T R O S P I R I T

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News of the

Weird “W

ired” magazine reported in August that an order screen at the big e-mail spammer, Amazing Internet Products, was left unsecured and was hacked into recently, revealing not only an inexplicably large sales volume (6,000 orders in four weeks for $50 Pinacle cream that promised to increase penis size by up to three inches) but some prominent, should-knowbetter customers, such as the manager of a $6 billion mutual fund in New York City. “Wired” (and earlier, “Salon” magazine) reported that AIP’s two principals are a 19-year-old highschool dropout and chess vagabond and a 20-something former head of a neo-Nazi outfit.

• The Lawrence (Mass.) Eagle-Tribune reported in August that the local superintendent of schools, Wilfredo T. Laboy, had recently failed (for the third time) the basic English proficiency test required of all teachers in the state. (English is Laboy’s second language.) The state education commissioner said that Laboy was doing “an excellent job” but that he was still going to have to pass the test (a test which Laboy called “stupid”).

People Different from Us • Reuters reported in June that would-be painter Rainer Herpel, 51, of Bad Ems, Germany, was finally speaking again, after having remained silent for the last 29 years as a reaction to his father’s disapproval of art as a career. Herpel lived with his mother, spent most of the time alone in his room concentrating on his paintings, only occasionally ventured outdoors and came out of his shell only when his father passed away. Said Herpel, “All great artists were outsiders (probably meaning “different from us”) before they had success.”

Our Civilization in Decline • CBS News reported in June that few states have complied with the Brady Bill requirement to list all people involuntarily hospitalized for mental illness on the FBI computer database used for gun purchases, with the result that 2.7 million people should be barred from buying guns for that reason but only 90,000 are. And in Hawera, New Zealand, a 25-year-old sex worker (“Brooke”) at a massage parlor set the town abuzz in July by advertising that she (who recently gave birth) would (presumably for an additional fee) allow her customers to consume her nutritious breast milk; the director of the local breastfeeding advocates, La Leche League, said she was concerned that Brooke’s baby was getting short-changed.

The Litigious Society • Omorotu Francis Ayovuare, 55, a professional surveyor from Nigeria, has filed 72 employment discrimination complaints against British companies in the last five years, with only two minor victories to show. According to a report in London’s Daily Telegraph in June, Ayovuare has cost responding

employers and the government the equivalent of nearly U.S. $1 million to deal with him before employment tribunals. One panel ruled in 2001 that Ayovuare, who is “impressive on paper,” keeps applying for jobs beyond his level of practical experience.

• A longstanding rumor on the inner-city “street” held that the federal government actually created AIDS for the purpose of keeping African-Americans’ population down and the community weak, but now a man of impressive credentials has made the accusation in court. Boyd Graves, 50, a black AIDS activist who is also a Naval Academy and law school graduate, filed the lawsuit in San Diego in July, accusing the government of illegally withholding the documents that Graves is certain will prove the government engineered the whole thing and is suppressing the cure.

• The family of teenager Amy Woods, who was left brain-damaged when hit by a car seven years ago in Springfield, Mass., will finally get to trial in their lawsuit, which names not only the driver who hit her but also a driver who didn’t. Roger O’Neil, a repairman for the NYNEX telephone company, had just stopped on a residential street and courteously motioned Woods and a friend to cross in front of him, but as soon as Woods cleared O’Neil’s van, a less courteous driver smashed into her. Woods’ family said that if a driver wants to be courteous, he must be responsible for knowing that crossing the street would be safe.

Courtroom Follies • Juries of Their Peers: In June, a judge in Westmoreland County, Pa., rejected the request of a 15-year-old boy, on trial for beating another teenager to death, for a jury composed entirely of teenagers. At the other end of the spectrum, a 13-year-old boy, on trial in April in Inverness, Fla., for fondling a classmate, demanded that he be tried as an adult in front of an adult jury. (He was quickly convicted.) And in Santa Ana, Calif., in June, Antonio Nunez, 16, convicted for violent crimes (kidnapping, shooting at police) that he committed at age 14, was sentenced as an adult to five life terms (one of them without possibility of parole) plus 121 years.

• Rap as a Second Language: In a June copyright infringement case, British High Court judge Kim Lewison ruled against the composer of the 2001 song “Burnin’,” explaining that he could not help Lewison because he did not know what certain lyrics meant (such as “shizzle my nizzle”). The lyrics, said the judge, although written in a form of English, were “for practical purposes a foreign language” and, therefore, he could not be sure whether the borrowed use of the lyrics impugned them.

Update • Several times since 1999, News of the Weird has run stories of incidents in which someone telephones the manager of a fastfood restaurant claiming to be a police officer and asks the manager to strip-search one of the employees while the caller listens to the episode on the phone. (Police later concluded that the calls were hoaxes for sexual gratification.) In July, police in Panama City, Fla., arrested supermarket supervisor James Marvin Pate, 36, on the complaint of a local woman who reported a similar situation. At least one of the calls in the previous incidents (in Wisconsin, North Dakota, Montana, Indiana and West Virginia) had been traced to a telephone in Panama City, but there were no suspects in those cases until Pate’s arrest.

— Chuck Shepherd ©United Press Syndicate

Brezsny's Free Will Astrology ARIES (March 21-April 19)

Mars is now closer to Earth than it has been in 60,000 years. It’s shining 85 times brighter than it did a year ago, and it will be the single most brilliant light in the night sky this week. Is the red planet therefore beaming an intensified dose of its charismatic, melodramatic Martian vibrations at us?

Will our libidos feel as if they’ve been supercharged? I suspect so. Psychotherapists everywhere may be besieged by clients who don’t know how to handle the gift of wildly enhanced vitality. I doubt there’ll be many complaints from you Aries folks, though: Mars is your ruling planet. While other signs may be held hostage by lust, anger, competition, and blind ambition, you’ll know exactly what to do with that all that extra mojo.

TAURUS (April 20-May 20)

This week Mars is closer to Earth than it has been since cavemen roamed the Earth. It also happens to be midway through a five-month sojourn in your astrological House of Networking, which is its longest stay since 1956. Because the red planet invigorates everything it influences, you could very well be a whiz at winning friends and influencing people from now until December. But keep in mind that unless you respond with all your passionate ingenuity to the arousing Martian energy, it may also have a disruptive effect. Here’s your rule of thumb: Go all the way, give everything you have and don’t hold back.

GEMINI (May 21-June 20)

Do you think you’d enjoy being able to focus all your ambitions in one overarching dream? Can you imagine what it might be like not to feel your desires split in five different directions? While your predilection for versatility and vacillation isn’t necessarily a bad thing, Gemini, it might be interesting at some point in your life to explore the ferocious pleasures of single-mindedness. It so happens that now is a perfect moment to launch such an exploration. Mars, the

planet that rules willpower and determination, is currently expressing tremendous force in your astrological House of Total Commitment. There has rarely been a better time for you to stabilize your purpose and steel your resolve.

CANCER (June 21-July 22)

The largest mountain on Mars, Olympus Mons, is almost three times the size of Mount Everest.

It should serve as your sacred symbol of power in the coming months. Why? Because the red planet is now pouring extra mojo into your astrological House of Exploration, and will continue to do so through mid-December. You will have the ability to pull off frontier adventures that are equivalent to climbing to the top of Olympus Mons. For a picture of Olympus Mons, go here: http://sprite.phys.ncku.edu.tw/~astrolab/mirrors/a pod_e/ap970915.html.

LEO (July 23-Aug. 22)

It’s a perfect moment to purge romantic karma left over from the old days. You shouldn’t go another week without doing a ritual to dissolve the bad memories, lingering resentments and ancient wounds that have continued to tweak your intimate relationships. It’s also prime time to kill off your outdated dogmas about gender roles and to blow up any obstacles that interfere with your ability to experience total sexual pleasure. How can I be so sure you’re ready for these fate-mutating transitions? Mars, the planet of creative destruction, is currently bringing its tough love to your astrological House of Sexy Emotions. I predict that it will liberate you from influences that prevent you from finding more beautiful and flagrant ways to enjoy your libido.

VIRGO (Aug. 23-Sept. 22)

Astronomers are uncertain about how brightly Mars will glow in the sky this week. It’ll be as close as it ever gets to both the Earth and sun, and should theoretically be a dazzling beacon. But there’s a possibility that huge dust storms will sweep the

planet, increasing its reflectivity and boosting its illumination even further. Due to astrological factors that would take too long to explain here, I predict that you Virgos will be as shiny and brilliant as Mars, and that any storms passing your way will only make you shinier and more brilliant.

LIBRA (Sept. 23-Oct. 22)

Mars is not only a heavenly body, but also an aspect of your psyche. Your inner Mars consists of your ambition, animal energy, willpower and sex drive. By reading the movements of the red planet in the sky, we astrologers can make educated guesses about the state of the Mars force within you. Here’s my analysis: Your ambition will get back on track now if you give it a chiropractic-like adjustment; your animal energy will return to full vitality if you stop doing the careless thing that’s weakening it; your willpower has been muted by the consequences of a past mistake, but you now have the insight to correct the mistake; your sex drive is not as pure and strong as it could be, but will become so if you will just get clearer about what really turns you on.

SCORPIO (Oct. 23-Nov. 21)

Michel Gauquelin (1928-1991) was a French statistician and psychologist who set out to prove astrology is bunk. To his surprise, he found some scientific evidence demonstrating its validity. One striking discovery was the Mars Effect: There is a significant probability of world class athletes and military leaders being born when the red planet is rising in the sky. I believe you Scorpios are nowbenefiting from a variation on this phenomenon. Mars, which is one of your astrological rulers, is closer to Earth than it has been in 60,000 years. It is also in the midst of a rare five-month visit to your House of Creative Self-Expression. I believe that not only means you are extra fertile; you’re also at the peak of your physical vigor and your ability to emerge victorious in competitive struggles.

SAGITTARIUS (Nov. 22-Dec. 21)

You and your tribe are the restless explorers of the zodiac, Sagittarius. Your wanderlust sometimes becomes so consuming that you forget how important it is to have a home base. And when you suffer from that delusion, you aren’t likely to devote much creativity to keeping your foundations strong. Luckily, you’re now in a phase when you can’t possibly get away with this ignorance. The

energizing planet Mars is stirring up a flood of feelings and ideas about what you need to sustain you — and how to take good care of it.

CAPRICORN (Dec. 22-Jan. 19)

Alert! Mars is extremely up-close and personal right now. Not since the time of the Neanderthals has the red planet veered so near to the Earth. In cosmic terms, it’s practically on top of us, ladies and gentlemen. It’s in our faces. It’s forcing us to deal with its favorite agendas. What that means for you Capricorns is that you’d better communicate with concise candor in all matters related to your ambitions and sexuality. Find a way to express your burning desires with uncompromising integrity.

AQUARIUS (Jan. 20-Feb. 18)

Mars is closer to Earth right now than it has been since the Old Stone Age. At the same time, amazingly enough, it’s also making its nearest approach to the sun. As a result, we’re able to get our best look ever at the melting of the red planet’s south polar cap. This rare confluence provides a good metaphor for the effect that the intensified Martian vibes are likely to have on you as they impact your astrological House of Finances and Possessions. I believe your frozen assets are about to thaw.

PISCES (Feb. 19-March 20)

Mars usually cruises through a sign in five to eight weeks, but it has been in Pisces since June 16 and will remain there until December 16 — its longest stay since 1956. But that’s not all: Mars is now closer to Earth than it has been in 60,000 years.

During this unprecedented convergence of unusual events, I predict that your relationship with the red planet will be more intense and intimate than it ever has been. Here are some of the tasks you can expect cosmic assistance with: discovering secrets about how to ask forcefully for what you really want; making your strategies for success more foolproof and irresistible; and getting very clear about the life goals that are most important for you to pursue in the next 10 years.

— © Rob Brezsny You can call Rob Brezsny, day or night, for your Expanded Weekly Horoscope

1-900-950-7700

$1.99 per minute • 18 & over • touchtone phone required • C/S 612-373-9785 • www.freewillastrology.com

y ACROSS

32 Shoppers’

1 Base

New York Times Crossword Puzzle

transportation

5 Rice in a

bookstore 9 Nobel-winning peacemaker 14 Conductor Klemperer 15 Pass 16 White poplar 17 No matter what 19 Asian tree with many trunks 20 Comparatively cracked 21 Sorrows 22 It’s intoxicating 23 National Aviation Hall of Fame site 25 Film festival film, often 28 It’s taken in for treatment 29 Spring’s opposite, oceanwise

pursuits 33 Joe Hardy’s temptress, on Broadway 34 Its slogan was once “The sign of extra service” 35 Balmoral relative 36 Feller of folklore?

37 Uncommon insight 38 Mounted on 40 League: Abbr.

41 Lug 43 AWOL 44 Jupiter, e.g.

45 Olympian 46 Time out 48 CD follower 49 Visual 51 Kicks downstairs, so to speak 55 Echo location

ANSWER TO PREVIOUS PUZZLE E Q U I N E L U M M O X S E A F O X N O J A M S N E Q U I P D U L L E S A L L T H S T O W A V Y E A V I V S F A C E T F L U X G A L O N I G E N A F E

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A W B E A P J T O U G S S L I B T T E A U L S P I C K E H O R D A Y A R E K E N

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J O B O L A Y A N

56 Where cons

may congregate 58 Steelhead or squaretail 59 Saint known as “the Great” 60 Talker with a beak 61 Antônio, for one 62 It’s spun 63 Request DOWN 1 Rivers with barbs 2 Famed words to a backstabber 3 Louisiana, e.g., in Orléans 4 Bun alternative 5 Be like-minded 6 Film genre 7 It has a peacock logo 8 Peacock plume feature 9 Wooden footwear 10 Marine rockclinger 11 Live ascetically 12 Garden spray 13 Top scores, sometimes 18 A ton 21 “Knockin’ on Heaven’s Door” singer, 1973 23 Greek god of wine 24 Detective Pinkerton and others 25 Item on a chain 26 “Swell!”

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Puzzle by Robert H. Wolfe

27 Sky Masterson’s 42 Potential source 52 “The Best Man”

creator Good things Good thing Shade of red Supreme Court middle name 39 Leave rubber on the road 41 Remote option 28 30 31 36

of verbal misunderstanding

47 Poem division 48 Amber, e.g.

star Diggs

53 Shore soarer 54 Admission of

1889: Abbr.

49 Fall times: Abbr. 56 Use diligently 50 Irene of “Fame” 57 Mens ___ 51 Christian from (criminal

France

intent)

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AUGUSTA CLEARANCE CENTER 2705 Peach Orchard Rd. (Closed Sun) ..................706-798-8882 AUGUSTA EXCHANGE 274 Rob’t C. Daniels Pkwy............................................706-667-8008 CENTRAL AUGUSTA 617 15th Street (Closed Sun) ...........................................706-724-5800 EVANS CROSSING 4359 Washington Rd. ...........................................................706-210-8010 HEPHZIBAH 2601 Tobacco Rd. ...........................................................................706-790-0977 MARTINEZ 3849 Washington Rd. .........................................................................706-860-6303 N. AUGUSTA 404 E. Martintown Rd. (Closed Sun) .............................................803-278-4466

've been with my boyfriend for over a year. During our first six months, I slept with three ex-boyfriends.

Horrible as that sounds, I don't take cheating lightly. I think I was confused about my readiness to be in a serious relationship, and wasn't really over my most recent ex or a guy in Ireland I'd had a love affair with a few years back. When I returned from a trip to Ireland in February, I realized how much I love my boyfriend and wanted to commit to him. Our relationship became more solid, and we moved in together. Shortly afterward, he searched for and read my journal, suspecting something had happened in Ireland. Like an idiot, I'd put everything in writing. He was crushed, but said, if given time, he could forgive me. Well, any minor conflict now turns into a huge screaming match, with him dragging everything up and threatening to leave. (He always apologizes afterward, says he's happy with me and doesn't want to leave.) I feel he's holding this over my head to make me feel guilty whenever something doesn't go his way. Is it likely to blow over in time? Should I accept this as my punishment?

— Hester Prynne There are many different styles of conflict resolution. Some people stare into space, waiting for the answer to crack them over the head like a falling ceiling tile. Others look high and low for the answer, even stopping off at ex-boyfriends' places to make sure it isn't projected on the ceiling tiles above their beds. Some people enlist friends or mediators to help them strip the issue down to bare essentials. Others prefer to strip out the middlemen and the issue, and just get naked with Larry, Moe and Curly.

Apparently, you wanted to be very, very, very sure you made the right decision: "No, no ... not another night of investigative wild sex!" We all feel your pain. Really, we do.

And, while it isn't the prettiest picture for your current boyfriend, your adventures in exboyfriend boffing did serve an important purpose — helping you finish unfinished business so you could pick his face out of the crowd.

Of course, there's a right way to go about doubt-eradication, and it isn't giving your boyfriend the impression you're his one and only while passing yourself around like a

cheese plate behind his back. It certainly would have been nice if you'd gone to the trouble of breaking up with him before you set off on your international sex tour.

Right now, all that matters about the past is whether it predicts the future. When there's a decision to be made — "Would you like fries with that?" — it seems unlikely you'll respond by trying to maul the pimply guy behind the register. It's your job to make your boyfriend understand that. It's also your job to tell him his job: deciding whether he'd rather be in love or in archeology, and acting accordingly. Love requires walling off the past instead of weaponizing it, and resolving conflicts as a "we," not a "him" vs. the girl who snuck off to Stooge-a-palooza.

Unfortunately, unless you can convince him to stop tipping the scales with a stack of dirty pictures whenever you want Thai and he wants Italian, he'll probably end up with only his grudge to take to dinner: "More Chianti, my love?" The waiter will be too polite to mention that he's sitting across from an empty chair. It's sure to occur to your boyfriend later, however, since moral high ground never makes much of an impression in bed.

I've been seeing a really sweet guy for about two weeks. He told me that he likes me a lot, but he just wants to be friends and be by himself so he can get his life together. I don't know what to do to get him to open up and tell me what's wrong.

How can I help him if he doesn't let me know what's on his mind?

— Ready to Listen Look carefully at this guy. Is he in the habit of wearing a dress? Buying tampons?

Gossiping about fast-drying nail polish with all his friends? If not, it's probably safe to make an assumption about him: He's a man!

A man isn't in need of psychiatric attention because he doesn't want to blubber on about what he feels. In fact, a man's reluctance to blubber on to a near stranger might even point to sanity on his part; especially when the stranger is really asking "How can I help him know that all he really needs is me?" In other words, you're the one who needs help getting the message. Although he might not be able to tell you what's on his mind, maybe with vigorous hand gestures he can get you off his back. ©2003, Amy Alkon

Got A Problem?

Write Amy Alkon 171 Pier Ave., Box 280 • Santa Monica, CA 90405 • e-mail AdviceAmy@aol.com

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To respond to ads using a NICE EVENINGS Attractive SBF, 35, enjoys nice evenings, conversation, seeking loving SBM, 30-37, for nice evenings. ☎400597 ATTENTION! Your military date is in Augusta. SF seeks military male, 29-45, with good sense of humor, good values/qualities. No abusers.

Race open. Children ok. Will answer all. ☎334255 ENVELOPING EMBRACE Kind-hearted SBCF, 52, non-smoker, enjoys dining out, attending church. Seeking loving SBCM, 52-65, with similar interests. ☎287845 FIRST TIME AD! Employed SBF, 35, no children, wants to meet a laid-back, spontaneous man, 33-41, race unimportant, to get to know as a friend and maybe progress to more! ☎280007 BE MY FRIEND Attractive SWF, 29, 5'7", 129lbs, brown/ brown, N/S, no kids, never married, seeks SWM, 20-37, in shape, friendship first, possible LTR. ☎945103 GOOD GIRL Attractive SWF, 38, 5'4", 145lbs, blonde/ hazel, N/S, Pisces, enjoys outdoors. Seeking tall SWM, 30-42. ☎864247 BEACH BUM SBF, 31, with bachelor's degree in communications, Taurus, N/S, loves dining out, movies, working out, and reading. Seeking man, 26-36. ☎869451 COMPANIONSHIP DWF, 48, enjoys antiquing, travel, dining out, movies and more. Seeking DWM, 48-58, for loving, tender relationship. ☎732056 KIND-HEARTED, REAL Petite, green-eyed SWC mother, 39, Scorpio, N/S, seeks WM, 33-45, N/S, to build a love that lasts a lifetime. ☎648419 WIDOWED SENIOR WF, honest, neat appearance, good sense of humor, seeking WM, 55-75, honest, caring. ☎449726 LEO SBF, 31, wants to share quality time with a man who loves movies, dining out, quiet times, for friendship. ☎202217 A GOOD-HEARTED WOMAN Honest SWF, 5'4", long dark brown/hazel, would like to meet a trustworthy SWM for a good, honest, open relationship. I smoker, so another smoker is preferred. Grovetown. ☎111411

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HELLO LADIES SM, 51, enjoys fishing, travel, movies, quiet moments. Seeking attractive, nice, ambitious, open-minded, non-judgemental SF, with big heart, who loves the lord, to share friendship, good times and possibly love. ☎620256 MAKE ME LAUGH SWM, 19, 5'10", 165lbs, dark features, good-looking, seeks very outgoing woman who can adapted to most any situation, possible relationship. ☎631029 COMPANIONSHIP SBM, 34, enjoys cooking, dining out, movies, sports and more. Please consider me for a candidate for a relationship with you. Don't miss this opportunity. Call! ☎619405 WORTH A TRY SWM, 21, seeks SF, 20-30, who loves having fun, has a good personality and is looking for a lasting relationship. ☎622681 MAYBE IT'S YOU? SM, 36, 5'11", enjoys working out, auto racing and car shows, mountains, beaches and more. Seeking easygoing, honest, fun-loving SF to share these with, friendship first, possible LTR. ☎625970 FROM THE HEART Handsome, outgoing, fun, young-looking SWM, 42, Virgo, N/S, seeks WF, 34-46, who likes to go out and is very nice. ☎605027

HANDY MAN Medium-built, tolerant, clean, financially secure DWM, 48, 5'10", Aquarius, smoker, with a good sense of humor, enjoys cooking, house work, gardening, reading, music, cuddling. Seeking woman, 20-54, for long-term relationship. ☎607612 DELICATE HANDLING DWM, 27, 5'4", Libra, N/S, does glass work, non-custodial dad, seeks a serious WF, 2035, N/S, to settle down with. ☎589673 SEEKING CHRISTIAN WOMAN Friendly, committed, independent SBCM, 43, 5'11", enjoys quiet evenings. Seeking attractive, committed, independent SBCF for friendship, possible LTR. ☎796760 LOOKING FOR YOU Handsome SBM, 27, 5'8", Aries, non-smoker, seeks woman, 24-33, non-smoker, who is independent and likes to have fun. ☎596431 MUTUAL RESPECT SWM, 28, 5', brown/blue, Sagittarius, N/S, loves line dancing, shooting pool, and long walks. Seeking WF, 18-35, N/S, goodnatured and good-hearted. ☎583044 FLEXIBLE AS A RUBBER HOSE DWM, 56, Leo, smoker, enjoys traveling, and partaking of the area restaurants seeks WF, 45-55, with an agreeable disposition. ☎583222 EASYGOING ALL-AROUND SBPM, 6'2", 196lbs, educated, very secure, Leo, N/S, loves romantic moments, live music, and family time. Seeking BF, 28-42, N/S. ☎583499 EVERYDAY MAN SBM, 19, 5'7", very outspoken, very outgoing, all ears, Capricorn, N/S, seeks BF, 1828, N/S, for movies and mall shopping. ☎585897

Stud Finder YOU HAVE 6 NEW MATCHES

I'D LIKE TO HEAR... what you have to say. SBF, 18, 5'5", darkskinned, pretty, Aries, N/S, enjoys shopping, vacations, and movies. Seeking a man, 2028. ☎578781 OUTGOING WF, 50s, 5'5", 150lbs, brunette, likes dining out, dancing, cooking, interior decorating, more. Give me a call. ☎443130 LIGHT UP MY LIFE Beautiful BF, 60, 5'11", with a brown complexion, N/S, N/D, has lots of love and passion to share with a SBM, who goes to church. ☎383766 OLD-FASHIONED VALUES Honest, relaxed, christian SBF, 56, Aries, N/S, enjoys cooking, dining out, quiet times at home. Seeking marriage-minded, financially secure SBM, 50-56, N/S, for LTR. ☎829149 SINGLE MOM Plus-sized female, 29, 5'3", brown/hazel, cute, independent, enjoys conversation, movies, dining out. Seeking a man with a life of his own and would like to share mine as well. ☎634069 WHOLE LOTTA LOVE SBF, 33, would like to share movies, dinners, quiet evenings at home, the usual dating activities, with a great guy. ☎463610 ALL I WANT IS YOU SB mom, 28, is in search of a man, 25-45, who would want to start off as friends, leading into more. ☎459939 FIRST TIME AD Attractive SBF, 27, light-complected Pisces, non-smoker, seeks BM, 26-30, non-smoker, who is honest and interested in a long-term relationship. ☎603443 YOU KNOW WHAT TO DO SBF, 39, Leo, N/S, seeks BM, 38-45, downto-earth, very direct and straightforward, to have fun with. ☎582549 LOOKING FOR LOVE SWF, 24, blonde/brown, attractive, compassionate, easygoing, desires SWM, 24-34, honest, open-minded for friendship and companionship. ☎323553 OUTGOING/OUTDOORS TYPE Tall, full-figured, SF, 5'10, long red hair, green eyes, outgoing, outdoors type, spends allot of time with two children, likes movies and sports. Seeking compatible SM, 24-40. ☎402582 MORE THAN AVERAGE Slender SBF, 53, 5'2", independent, Aries, smoker, loves music, conversation, laughter.

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Seeking a romantic WM, 25-31, N/S, for LTR. ☎576613 MAKE YOUR OWN DESTINY Loving, intelligent SBF, 34, seeks SBM, 3545, for companionship, long walks, movies, dining out and more. ☎550597

STILL SEARCHING SWF, 47, 5'8", 148lbs, Sagittarius, smoker, interests vary, seeks SWM, 37-48, for LTR. ☎342017 TABLE FOR TWO SWF, 57, 5'4", blond/green, easygoing, outgoing, enjoys cooking, fishing, reading, NASCAR. Seeking honest, respectful S/DWM, 57-65. ☎965851 SEEKING DECENT MAN SBCF, 32, Cancer, N/S, CNA, likes having fun, going to the movies, eating out, fishing, looking for decent man, 25-45, N/S, who is hardworking and will treat her with respect. ☎544912 SINGLE MOM SEEKING SBF, 20, Gemini, N/S, mother of twins, likes going to the park, spending time with family, going to the mall, movies, seeks compatible SBM, 18-35, N/S. ☎532672 GREAT PERSONALITY SWF, 45, 5'2", blonde/blue, likes cooking, bowling, movies, travel. Seeking affectionate, caring, compassionate SM, N/S, financially secure, for dating, possible LTR. ☎525164 WHAT DO YOU HAVE TO LOSE? SWF, 48, Cancer, N/S, seeks WM, 40-56, who wants to have a great relationship. Why not give me a call? You never know. ☎511453 BIG HEART, BIG BRAIN? Creative, expressive SF, 41, graphic artist, loves the country, with passion for gardening, nature, flora/fauna, needlework( knitting, crochet, quilting). Seeking creative, spiritual man, to share hopes, dreams, desires. ☎483300 MAYBE YOU'RE THE 1 SBF, 30, 5'7", brown complexion, auburn/brown, thick, seeks independent, loving SM, who's fun, active, commitmentminded, a handyman type, to share romance, fun, friendship and a possible lasting relationship. ☎488232 ARIES/TAURUS DWCF, 52, 5'4", brown/green, likes the beach, playing pool, sailing, flea markets, dining, movies at home, stargazing. Looking for tall, honest, kind, affectionate, Christian man, 39-58. Let's adore each other. ☎479572 DON'T PASS ME BY SHF, 18, 5'1", 126lbs, short/brown, would like to meet a guy for bowling, dancing and romance. ☎463061 LOVES TO LAUGH Attractive SWF, 19, 5'9", Libra, smoker, seeks WM, 18-35, for a solid, good, honest friendship leading towards LTR. ☎455393 LOOKING FOR YOU SWF, 37, 5'6", Scorpio, N/S, enjoys mountains, bowling, the beach and music.

Seeking WM, 35-48, N/S, to be a companion, friend. ☎456544 NO INTRO NEEDED SBCF, 26, 5'4", 130lbs, single parent of a 7year-old son, very independent, Gemini, N/S, seeks BM, 27-40, to be my friend. ☎432010 SEARCHING FOR MR RIGHT SBPF, 39, Libra, loves church, traveling, movies, and dining out. Seeking SBPM, 3760, for possible LTR. ☎421273 A SIMPLE GAL SWF, 35, 5'4", seeks laid back man, 18-40, for casual dating, friendship maybe more. ☎418340 A SPECIAL SOMEONE SBF, 25, mother, seek financially stable, independent man, 20-45, who loves children, for LTR . ☎415803

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To respond to ads using a SUMMER FUN SWM, 60, self-employed, enjoys casinos, reading, travel, sports. Seeking SWF, with similar interests, for friendship, possible LTR. Serious inquiries only. ☎556936 NEW TO AREA SBM, 30, 5'7", medium build, caramel skin, Gemini, smoker, works in health care field.

Seeking BF, 25-35, sure of herself. ☎568136 COUNTRY DAD Male, 39, 6', 205lbs, sandy brown hair, with 2 children, Gemini, seeks and outgoing country woman, 28-45. ☎578137 FUN AND ROMANTIC DWM, 36, 6'1", Gemini, N/S, likes talking, movies, exercising, and traveling. Seeking woman, 21-45, N/S, in shape, for romance. ☎573045 HEART OF GOLD SWM, 31, 6'3", 210lbs, brown/blue, enjoys reading, movies, travel, sports. Seeking outgoing, attractive SF, with similar interests, for friendship, possible LTR. ☎556440 LOOKING FOR MS. RIGHT SWM, 37, 5'9", 180lbs, enjoys biking, sports, travel, dining out. Seeking outgoing, attractive SF, with similar interests, for friendship, possible LTR. ☎557954 NEW TO AREA SBM, 5'3", 185lbs, enjoys travel, working out, sports, music, reading. Seeking attractive, outgoing SF, with similar interests, for friendship, possible LTR. ☎559583 ARE YOU THE ONE? SBM, 34, 5'10", 170lbs, enjoys bowling, movies, travel, dining out, reading. Seeking positive, active woman to enjoy life with. ☎561078 SUN AND FUN SWM, 43, 5'7", 160lbs, medium build, enjoys reading, movies, dining out, travel, dancing.

Seeking SF, with similar interests, for friendship, possible LTR. ☎558039 READ ON SWM, 29, Pisces, N/S, 6'3", 235lbs, athletic, likes the outdoors, playing sports, watching sports, going out to eat, watching movies.

Seeks SWF, 23-35, N/S, for dating. ☎549310 OUTDOORSMAN SWM, 19, Capricorn, N/S, landscape architect, likes sporting events, movies, fishing, hunting, anything outdoors, seeks SWF, 1825, N/S, similar interests, who is outgoing, likes to have fun. ☎541345 SOMETHING TO ADD? SBM, 42, Gemini, N/S, 6', enjoys going out, romance, seeks SWF, 25-40, N/S, who will have something to add to a relationship. ☎546480 ONE-IN-A-MILLION SBM, 19, Sagittarius, N/S, 5'9", braids, gray eyes, medium build, likes to have a good time, seeks compatible woman, 18-30. ☎531369 SEEKING FUN SHF SWM, 26, smoker, 5'11", 195lbs, former military, security guard, will be joining police academy, likes to hang out, go to bars, have good time. Seeks SHF, 18-32, for fun, dating. ☎534532 SEEKING NATURALIST SM, 50, 5'11", 163lbs,enjoys travel, fine dining, swimming, the arts. Seeking adventurous, attractive, fit SF, with similar interests, to explore the world with. ☎516833 TAKE ME AS I AM SWM, 31, 5'6", medium build, brown/blue, Gemini, N/S, enjoys movies and more.

Seeking SWF, 25-35, N/S, N/D, who enjoys good times, dating, for LTR. ☎341418 I CAN COOK SWM, 51, 6'1", 193lbs, with blue eyes and a laid-back attitude, seeks a woman with a spontaneous, creative spirit. ☎434997 NO GAMES HERE SBM, 36, brown/brown, long distance truck driver, Aries, smoker, seeks honest W/HF, 30-36, smoker, who likes to travel and is looking for LTR. ☎509226

THANK YOU VERY MUCH SWM, 25, 5'9", 164lbs, brown/hazel, told he looks like Elvis Presley, Rick Nelson, and one of the Everly Brothers, enjoys fishing, history, art. Seeking WF, 19-26, N/S. ☎508305 WELL-ROUNDED SM, 27, loves art, theater, movies, music, long walks, conversation. Desires to meet attractive, cultured, social woman for dating, possibly more. ☎471543 SEEKS HONESTY SM, 55, 6', 200lbs, professionally employed, seeks outgoing, fun, sincere lady to share casual times, friendship, fun and maybe something more later on. ☎494413 ARE YOU THE ONE? SM, 29, enjoys tennis, movies, dancing, dining out, long walks, antiques, Asian culture.

Seeking confident, sweet, good-natured woman for LTR. ☎471619 A LITTLE TLC DWM, 47, hardworking, secure, seeks SWF, 35-46, who wants a LTR. ☎627154 YOU WIN MY HEART SWM, 44, N/S, seeks clean, sincere, honest, intelligent, wise, crafty SBF, 35-45, N/S, for life mate and deep friendship. ☎611238

TAKE A CHANCE GWM, 43, 6'2", 195lbs, black brown, seeks other GWM, for fun times and maybe something more. ☎493530 LOOKING FOR LOVE Outgoing, spontaneous, loving, down-to earth SBM, 24, Sagittarius, non-smoker, seeks man, 19-50, to date and enjoy life. ☎602634 MASCULINE AND FIT SWM, 39, Libra, smoker, 5'8", brown/brown, masculine, works out, fit, likes movies, riding bikes, camping, cooking, time at home.

Seeks SWM, 30-43, with similar interests. ☎545309 LOOKING FOR LOVE GWM, 41, 5'8', 140lbs, Pisces, enjoys fishing, television, wood working, gardening, arts, crafts. Seeking GWM, 25-45, for friendship first, possible LTR. ☎705204 LET'S MEET FOR COFFEE Good-looking GWM, 36, 6', 200lbs, muscular, tan, enjoys working out, yard work, spending time with my dogs. Looking for attractive SM, 32-48, for dating, maybe leading to LTR. ☎436231 GREAT PERSONALITY SBM, 18, 6'3", 220lbs, masculine build.

Seeking SBM, 18-29, very masculine, energetic, fun-loving, to go out for dinners, walks and more. ☎627150 RELAXING AT HOME SBM, 35, Virgo, N/S, likes relaxing at home, fun, concerts, trips going to the beach.

Seeks fun, spontaneous SBM, 26-37, N/S. ☎532700 A NEW START Retired, fit, outgoing GWM, 44, enjoys walks, movies, sports, reading. Seeking outgoing GM, with similar interests, for friendship, possible LTR. ☎527836 ARE YOU THE ONE? SWM, 34, 6'1", 195lbs dark blond/blue, goatee, enjoys quiet nights home, going out with friends, travel. Looking for masculine, easygoing SW/HM, 18-38, for casual dates, possible LTR. ☎502698 COULD IT BE YOU AND ME? GWM, 24, enjoys quiet evenings, movies, quiet evenings at home, dining out. Seeking fun, outgoing GM, with similar interests, for friendship, possible LTR. ☎471342

How do you

BOY NEXT DOOR SAM, 27, 5'9", 147lbs, Sagittarius, smoker, seeks WM, 25-45, who enjoys fun times and a true friendship. ☎456425 ME IN A NUTSHELL WM, 18, brown/blue, medium build, looking for fun, outgoing, energetic guy, 18-30, for movies, hanging out, quiet evenings at home, and more. Friends first, maybe becoming serious. ☎425471 LONG-TERM RELATIONSHIP Senior SWM seeks sincere, honest SWM, 25-45, to share home and lifestyle. Many interests including gardening, cooking, arts and crafts, travel, camping. ☎294303 ENJOYS ALL THAT LIFE HAS GWM, 40, shaved head, goatee, Pisces, smoker, seeks very special, attractive, strong, fun-loving GBM, 30-50, for dating, possible LTR. ☎257126 YOU CAN MAKE MY DAY Male, 60, Cancer, N/S, seeks a WM, 49-65, N/S, for casual relationship. Why not call me? ☎927707

BEAUTIFUL AND FEMININE GWF, 32, 5'7", 135lbs, enjoys reading, movies, dining out, travel, sports, music, movies. Seeking GWF, 25-39, with similar interests, for friendship, possible LTR. ☎329063

GIVE ME A TRY GWF, 27, 5'7", 150lbs, brown/blue, enjoys dancing, movies, travel, conversation.

Seeking attractive, warm GF, with similar interests, for friendship, possible LTR. ☎553580 LOOKING FOR LOVE GBF, 19, enjoys reading, movies, dining out, travel, sports. Seeking GF, with similar interests, for friendship, possible LTR. ☎554721 WAITING FOR YOU GWF, 18, 5'4", blonde/blue, enjoys music, movies, animals, travel, dining out. Seeking outgoing, honest GF, with similar interests, for friendship, possible LTR. ☎527575 IS IT YOU? SGF, 42, soft stud, loves movies, cuddling, traveling, plays, comedy. Seeking feminine Christian female, compassionate and understanding, with like interests, to share friendship, good times and maybe something more. ☎487095 SEEKING A RELATIONSHIP GBF, 24, enjoys dancing, sports, movies, music, quiet evenings. seeks goal-oriented GPF, 24-33, who knows what she wants. ☎474251 HAVE A GOOD TIME SB mom of two, 35, wishes to spend time, conversations, friendship and life with a great lady. ☎458794 WHY WAIT? SWF, 38, 5'6",140lbs, short brown hair, easygoing, enjoys playing golf, the beach.

Seeking feminine female, 20-40, to have fun times and more. ☎448489

GOAL ORIENTED Intelligent, happy, attractive SBF, 23, student, seeks similar SBF, 24-40, N/S, for all that life has to offer. ☎411842 LOVES CHILDREN Easygoing, nice SF, 32, looking for someone with the same qualities, 29-39, and a people person. ☎388943 OPEN-MINDED CHIC Broken-hearted GWF, 30, Libra, smoker, seeks woman, 20-45, to mend my heart.

Let's not be afraid of who we are. ☎370110 "EVERYONE'S BEST FRIEND" GWF, 26, 5'6", medium build, likes watching movies, bowling, hanging out, malls, phone conversations. Seeking fun-loving, seriousminded GWF, 22-35, medium build, for friendship and possibly more. ☎335046 A REFRESHING CHANGE SWF, 30, Libra, smoker, is hoping to find it in a woman, 25-45. Will show a lot of a affection. ☎307177 FALL FEVER SWPF, 46, 5'6", 129lbs, college graduate, enjoys reading , home movies, camping, country-living, seeks same in SWF, 45-50. ☎965910 LOOKING FOR LOVE SBF, 32, 140lbs, 5'8", down-to-earth, likes clubs, movies, and quiet times. Looking for a female, 30-35, with the same interests. If you're the one, call me. Aiken, South Carolina. ☎113533 I WON'T LET YOU DOWN Single GBF, 32, mother, non-smoker, looking to become acquainted with a laid-back, sensual GBF, who enjoys quiet times, movies. Interested? ☎910581

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lNOT YOUR RUN-OF-THE MILL Offbeat SWM, 31, 6’2’’, artist, enjoys independent movies, museums and 48142 punk rock shows. Seeking SF who is into art, music, and anarchy.

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Classifieds Alt. Lifestyles

Equipment

If You’re not Partying at Argos, The Tower of Argos or at The Shack…

AFFORDABLE • CONVIENENT Tan At Home Payments From $25/month FREE Color-Catalog Call Today 1-800-842-1305 (08/28#8131)

You’ll Be Back

1923 Walton Way Open Mon-Fri for Happy Hour @ 6:00pm with $1 off everything Every Fri & Sat Garage Party from 9-10 with all well & draft drinks only $1 Wed Blue Party w/ Guest DJ “BJ” Trippin & Rollin Light Show Thu Karaoke Dance Party with DJ Joe Steel Fri Spectral Erosa Goth Night Sat Labor Day Caberet Show with $5.00 Beer Bust

COMING EVENTS Fri, Sept. 5 Rocky Horror Picture Show Fri, Oct. 17 Billy Dare & The Pumps Fri, Oct. 24 Turnabout, Argos Nights on Broadway

Monday-Sunday Happy Hour from 4pm-12 midnight $2 Long necks $3 Wells Fri DJ Chip Sat DJ Buckwheat Sun The Shack’s first Birthday Party at 5:30pm with horseshoes, limbo contest and Evonne Santoni’s famous low country boil. Followed by bingo, shack roulette, karaoke contest at 8pm, and the mother of all shows by Sasha and Co. at 12:30

(803) 441-0053 425 Carolina Springs Rd North Augusta, SC NOW OPEN AT 4PM MON-FRI

Argos welcomes Gay, Lesbian, Bi, BDSM, Swingers, TVTS & all openminded patrons

Call us @ 481-8829 or email us at ClubArgos@aol.com

THE COLISEUM

Premier Entertainment Complex & High Energy Dance Music

Fri, 8/29 Sasha

Fri, 9/5 Charlie Brown

Drink Specials: WED $9 Wet N' Wild FRI & SAT Famous Beer Bust All You Can Drink $9

Open Mon-Fri 8pm-3am Sat 8pm-2:30am

Fri & Sat. No Cover Before 10 p.m.

1632 Walton Way • Augusta, GA

706-733-2603

Help Wanted 59 People needed to lose weight!

All natural, doctor recommended 100% Guaranteed Call for free sample, 706-284-7650 (08/28#8171) $250 - $500 a Week Will train to work at home helping the US Government file HUD/FHA Mor tgage Refunds No experience necessary Call 1-800-778-0353 (08/28#8162)

Mind, Body & Spirit

Begin a New Career In Massage Therapy Train for a rewarding career in Massage Therapy in only 6 months

Private Investigator

733-2040

R AY WILLIAMSON & ASSOCIATES Private Investigations 17 years experience Domestic Relations and Child Custody Cases Licensed and Bonded in Georgia & Carolina 706-854-9672 or 706-854-9678 fa x (08/28#8183)

Augusta School of Massage Inc. 3512 1/2 Wheeler Road • Augusta, GA 30909

Professional Services VIRTUAL SENTRY Watch any location from remote sight over phone line or cell.

Record activity with hidden cameras.

Digital video recorders, cameras, and more.

Call 706-564-5819 or 706-564-7714 for more info.

(09/11#8195)

Call 738-1142 to place your Classified ad!

C A R D R E A D I N G S

Mrs. Graham, Psychic Reader, Advises on all affairs of life, such as love, marriage, and business. She tells your past, present and future. Mrs. Graham does palm, tarot card, and Chakra balancing. She specializes in relationships and reuniting loved ones.

Musical Equipment

341 S. Belair Rd.

KARAOKE 19 Disc - Country $110 41 Disc - Variety $199 63 Disc - Variety $249 100 Disc - Country $399 Rental Systems, DJ Services 706-790-3950 (09/04#8192)

Open from 9 a.m. til 9 p.m.

Call (706) 733-5851

Religion Metropolitan Community Church of Our Redeemer A Christian Church reaching to all: including Gay, Lesbian, and Transgendered Christians.

Meeting at 311 Seventh Street, 11 am and 7 pm each Sunday. 722-6454 MCCAugusta@aol.com www.mccoor.com

Email: ColiseumAugusta@aol.com

••••• thank you • • • • • •••••

Travel

READINGS BY

MRS. GRAHAM

SPECIAL 7 Day Cruise out of Tampa Great Rate $480 pp Call for details at 706-414-9392 cell (09/04#8198)

Wheels

Dead Bodies Wanted

We want your dead junk or scrap car bodies.

We tow away and for some we pay.

706/829-2676

OR

706/798-9060

Full Body Massage!

Therapeutic tension relief, intense or tender touch, rela xing music, aromatherapy, by appointment only - $49.00/hr.

Call Joy - 706-771-9470 or John - 706-868-5598 (08/28#8182) Professional Massage By experienced male.

Designed for healthy men 18 - 45.

A great way to rela x House & Hotel Calls Only 706-589-9139 (08/28#8190)

Travel

Visit www.metrospirit.com today to place your free personal ad

FOR SUPPORTING OUR ADVERTISERS

www.metrospirit.com

M E T R O S P I R I T

WOLFF TANNING BEDS

Come have fun where the party doesn’t end!

... You’re Not Partying

Call 738-1142 to place your Classified ad today!

SPECIAL READINGS WITH CARD

The Shack ...

Club Argos Dance Club & The Tower of Argos Leather Bar Augusta’s Premier Progressive House Dance & Entertainment Zone with DJ Joe Steel.

63

A U G 2 8 2 0 0 3

We sell Cars & Trucks for Less!

0% Interest Available

5 5 1 2 J E F F E R S O N D AV I S H I G H W AY • N O R T H A U G U S TA $3,500 Rebate *NEW* ‘03 MAZDA 6

‘03 Chevrolet Silverado 1500 Ext Cab, #703, 11k, V-6, auto, CD, A/C, $20,800

or 0% Available!

*New* ‘03 Mazda6, #7342, V-6, AT, 5-spd, all pwr, ‘97 Mazda Miata Convertible, #699, 77k, 4-cyl, ‘04 Mazda Rx8, #7360, New, auto, all pwr, sroof, *New* ‘03 Mazda B4000, #7318, V-6, AT, 4x4, 5-spd, alloys, A/C, $11,488 w/ad leather, alloys, CD, Navigation system, $33, 295 w/ad alloys, CD, Loaded, Trailer Package $26,260 w/ad alloys, CD, See Dealer for Pricing! 0% Available $2,500 Rebate MUST SELL! No $2,500 Rebate or 0% Available!

Reasonable Offer or 0% Available!

Refused!

‘02 Nissan Maxima, #409, V-6, all pwr, alloys, CD

NEW!! ‘03 Mazda Tribute, V-6, alloys, CD

“NEW!!” ‘03 Mazda Protege, 4-cyl

‘03 Nissan Altima, #7261A, 25k, 4-cyl, auto, all pwr, CD, $19,900 w/ad

$3,000 Rebate or 0% Available!

“NEW”!! ‘03 Isuzu Rodeo, V-6, all pr, alloys

‘02 Chrysler Sebring LX Convertible, #659, 21k, V-6, CD $17,388 w/ad

‘00 Mazda Protege SE, #7322A, 32k, 4-cyl, all pwr, sroof, alloys, CD, Call For Price

‘02 Mitsubishi Galant, #630, 19k, auto, all pwr, CD, A/C $218 Per Month

‘99 Acura 3.0 CL, #7351A, 51k, V-6, auto, all ‘99 Mercedes-Benz E320, #671, 46k, V-6, pwr, sroof, leather, alloys, CD, $16,988 w/ad sroof, leather, alloys, CD, $28, 990 w/ad

‘99 Jeep Wrangler Sahara, #676, 34k, 4x4, alloys, CD $18,900 w/ad

‘02 Ford Mustang, #620, 25k, auto, all pwr, alloys, CD Only, $228 Per Month

MUST SELL! No Reasonable Offer Refused!!

‘97 Jeep Sahara, #678, 59k, V-6, 4x4, 5-spd, alloys, soft top.

‘02 Pontiac Aztek, #637, 11k, 4x4, alloys, CD, MAKE OFFER, MUST SELL! No Reasonable Offer Refused!!

‘99 Chevrolet Camaro, #618, 49k, V-6, 5-spd, all pwr, alloys, CD, $12,488 w/ad

‘00 Dodge Stratus ES, #613, 52K, V-6, auto, leather, alloys, $11,990 w/ad

‘00 Ford F150 EL, #667, 45k, V-6 4.2 Engine, all pwr, alloys, CD, $13,990 w/ad

‘’02 Isuzu Trooper, #635, 30k, V-6, all pwr, alloys, CD, $17,990 w/ad

OPEN ALL DAY LABOR DAY

‘99 Dodge Ram 3500 Laramie SLT, #7313A, 70k, auto, Turbo diesel, all pwr, alloys, $17,599 w/ad

‘99Ford Mustang, #536, 36k, V-6, alloys, CD, A/C, Payments $228.00

‘02 Ford Windstar, #654, 44k, V-6, all pwr, Very Clean

‘00 GMC Sierra 1500 SLE, #641, 47k, V-8, auto, alloys, CD, $16,988 w/ad

‘00 Chevrolet S-10, #423A, Low, 4cyl, 5-spd, CD, 1-owner, local trade, $10,888 w/ad

‘’00 Mitsubishi Montero Sport XLS, #715, 33k, V-6, alloys, CD, A/C, $13,995 w/ad

803-202-0002

Prices plus tax, tag and license Dealer not responsible for typographical errors